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POOL PARTY POOL PARTY YES YES YES

Mary Worth, 1/30/12

For far, far too long we Mary Worth trufans have been denied the Charterstone Pool Party that is our due. And now, it seems, we’re getting one with a vengeance. People lounging around in various hideously colored and patterned outfits? Check! A lonely Wilbur loading up a plate with earth-toned blobs of food-esque material? Check! Mary and Toby furiously gossiping about Nola Wolverson, well known local sex-hussy? You’d better believe that’s a check!

Even better than Mary and Toby sniping about what a whore Nola is (what sort of woman with a boyfriend would try to steal another woman’s husband? everyone knows that’s a single gal’s prerogative!), and indeed even better than Toby’s delusional belief that someone, anyone, might actually try to steal Ian from her, is the fact that Nola’s man-hunting actually refers back to one of the greatest plotlines in recent memory, The Erotic Adventures of Delilah. Delilah almost strayed from her marital vows before she realized that sex was gross, and so she got back together with Lawrence, culty motivational speaker husband and made a baby with him instead. Good times! Anyway, as much fun as it would be to delve back into Delilah and Lawrence’s sexual psychodrama, I hope the real direction of this next storyline involves Toby’s doubts about her own marriage, since nothing could be as delightful as the Camerons in emotional turmoil.

Slylock Fox, 1/30/12

My God, can you imagine the moral dilemmas that confront an exterminator in a world of sentient animals? And this guy’s a rat, so half the time people are probably paying him to massacre his own relatives. Presumably he found the offending bats and told them, “Look, the squirrel downstairs wants you dead, I don’t know why! Clear out as fast you can, I’ll feed her some bull about eggs or something. Just go! GO!” But no, Slylock is here to impose the iron-clad Law of the Wild: You take someone’s money to murder someone, you’d damn well better murder them.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/30/12

You’d think, with all the complaining I do about it, that I’m 100% opposed to modern-day Funky Winkerbean’s weird vibe, where the current depressing, realistic mood is slathered over a base layer of cheerful wackiness. You’d be wrong, though! I do occasionally like the strange tonal mismatch that results. For instance, our “wacky neighbor” character here (he is actually named ‘Crazy’) says something silly that in zany-world would get a laugh from the audience, but instead our redheaded waitress recoils in confusion and distaste, just as someone would in real life.

Dennis the Menace, 1/30/12

Now I know what you’re thinking: There’s literally no way to be less menacing than by helping your mom do the dishes when she asks you to, right? Oh, I don’t know, I’m guessing that the conversation before dad showed up went something like this: “Sure, mom, I’d love to help you do the dishes. It always seems like you’re doing them yourself. Why doesn’t dad ever help? Mostly he just watches TV after dinner, but how important can TV shows really be?” BAM. The seeds of discord are planted. Advantage: Dennis.

258 responses to “POOL PARTY POOL PARTY YES YES YES”

  1. sporknpork
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    I do not like the direction of Dennis’ Oedipus complex-inspired menacing.

  2. Chareth Cutestory
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’m not sure which is more disturbing in panel one: Mary speaking with food in her mouth or Toby’s hideous liquid shoulder muscle

  3. mojo
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, Nola, the Charterstone Tramp who’ll talk to anybody, dares to talk to married men at the pool party, but Wilbur—poor, poor unmarried Wilbur!—can only console his inner-scream loneliness at the Buffet of Round Objects.

  4. Liam
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    FW-He wouldn’t be called “Crazy” if he didn’t ask for something in a round about way.

    MW-”He worships the ground you walk on which is a shame. He should worship the ground I walk on,” Mary replied.

  5. mojo
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    MW: (Take two) “You don’t have to worry about your husband, Toby! He worships the ground you walk on! Especially when you screw up your face and get all shrill-fishwifey and finger-pointy! Now, THAT’s attractive! What man wouldn’t want THAT?”

  6. Liam
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MW-Wilbur is in heaven. They have all his favorite shapeless lumps of food.

  7. S. Stout
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Luann: Um, wasn’t Gunther supposed to beat this kid up on Saturday? He’s just cowardly and/or creepily staring at them around the corner. So begins the endless cycle of Gunther building up courage, walking over to Rosa to do something, realizing he’s Gunther, and slinking back to his spot in the shadows.

    MW: Nola, there’s a single guy there that can impress you with how much food-esque material he can fit in his mouth.

  8. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh, I’m so happy it’s a pool party!
    Pool party, pool party!
    Oblongs and some gossip at the pool party!
    Pool party, pool party!

    MW2: “You don’t have to worry about your husband, Toby! He worships the ground you walk on! No woman with even half a brain and a functioning pair of eyeballs could possibly be attracted to that bloviating, kilt-wrapped bloated sack o’ pomposity!”
    There, Mary—fixed it for you.

    MW3: Diapers or tighty-whiteys behind Toeby in panel 1?: Discuss.

    MW4: Nora WOLVE!enson.

    Curtis: “Za” for “pizza”? Billingsley doesn’t know any actual humans under age 45, does he?

    MT: I don’t know why, but I’m incredibly amused by the description of Jeff n’ Jamie (the new Clean-Cut Kidz Gang) as “local thieves.” I’m picturing them at the latest Rotary meeting: “So, Jeff, how go things in theft business?” “Same ole, same ole, Bob.”

  9. Johnnycakes
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#2): That’s just Toby scratching her right shoulder with her left hand. Her Johnny-Tremain-disfigured left hand. Toby’s left hand is disfigured like Johnny Tremain, right?

  10. ArchieNemesis
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8):

    Diapers or tighty-whiteys behind Toby in panel 1?

    I’m calling those hotpants. Note that hip-thrust he’s doing in Toby’s direction, which I believe supports my assertion. Also note Mr. Smarmy Yellowsuit wrapping his greasy arms around some poor woman in the background. Trucker hats, bad plaids, purple rompers … the theme of this pool party is incomprehensible to me.

  11. sporknpork
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    It’s not a pool party unless a man slaps a woman and a drunk guy in his undies pisses on a palm tree.

  12. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW Sure, Mary and Toby are all up in Nola’s business, while completely ignoring the guy just behind Toby’s head in the first panel, who has removed his pants and is masturbating furiously on to the palm tree. I’m starting to think that there’s some kind of double-standard at these pool parties….

    SF I think rat is trying to remember whether rotenone works on foxes too….

    FW “City of Westview on tap? No, we stopped serving the polonium lager months ago….”

    ASM Jesus, is EVERY superhero in this universe as lazy as Spidey? “Well, we checked the rec room and the patio, and still no Thor….hmm…well, I guess you’re on your own, webslinger! See ya….”

  13. Little Guy
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    yASM: Beat LA! Beat LA! Beat LA!

    JP: Bored bored bored breasts bored bored.

  14. KreatureFeatures
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    MW: Everyone has a different theory, but I think we can all agree that the man at the far left is up to no good. Yet Mary refuses to even look his way. Whatever happened to “See something, say something”?

  15. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh god, we haven’t had a good Cameron-family wangst fest since about the time we saw a professor much like Ian over in A3G. That was what, 4 years ago? I HAVE WAITED SO LONG, MARY WORTH. SO LONG.

    SF: I hate seeing cute cartoon animals cry. Seriously, they choke me up every time, and Granny Squirrel is no exception.

    Juggs Parker: C’mon Juggs, you got FIVE damn names in today’s strip! No one pays enough attention to mentally juggle the deets for five different characters at once.

  16. Effluvius Erratus
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT: Wow, I never thought Mark Trail would be the placed I’d learn the origin of “sing like a canary.” For some reason, I always thought it’d be Slylock Fox.

    Popeye: Olive wants to stay with Bignose? Well, you know what they say about the size of a man’s nose.

  17. The Ridger
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    I’m hoping this pool party signals the return of Charley!

  18. hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually, Crazy meant that new craft brew called “City of Westview”. He was tired and bored and in a dark, self-destructive mood. Now even the sweet release of a drunken blackout was denied to him. He sat with a self-satisfied, smug grin on his bearded face and played along as if he made a joke. On the inside, he died at that moment.

    Or, more likely he just passed gas without being caught.

  19. The Ridger
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Plus, I think it’s interesting that Lawrence is id’d only as “Delilah’s husband”. At Charterstone, married men exist only as adjuncts to their wives, don’t they?

  20. Dennis Jimenez
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MW – I hereby resolve to bind a naked Ian in sandwich wrap, and as he wriggles across the floor, insist he recite to me Shakespear’s “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day.” That ought to keep him busy enough to resist her advances – I mean just in case she’s a pompous-pursuer or chubby-chaser….

    Slylock – Ha-ha – He couldn’t have left a bill – the mailbox has no slot, handle or door – This is just another squire scam and Slylock just want’s Granny Squirel to knaw on his nuts….

    FW – I thought the only proper sassy redheaded waitress response was, “Kiss my grits?”

    DtM – You may not think it, but I like this one. I like it when comics go against type – Dennis isn’t menancing, it isn’t funny, it isn’t well drawn – in fact it doesn’t stand for or mean anything at all. Well done 2012 North American Syndicate for introducing Dadaism to the funny pages….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  21. nescio
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    “City of Westview” should be the name of a premium brand of hemlock.

  22. Charterstoned
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MW – Ah, the Charterstone Pool Party Eating Contest is underway! Wilbur seems to be in th lead with the platter of unbaked muffins in hand and an eye on the mustard-colored…slabs. But Mary is quickly catching up, chowing down on the Salmon Oblong (kicky new shape!) in panel one, and WOLVING down the chocolate chip cookie in panel two. It’s going to be close!

  23. Ed Dravecky
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Bowls of peeled potatoes, plates of hard-boiled eggs, a casserole dish full of salmon squares, and Mary Worth noshing on Soylent Beige: let the mild rumpus begin!

  24. forgot
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): gives new meaning to zsa zsa gabor, doesnt it?

  25. Galadriel
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Panel 3: “Mary, what does ‘hic-a-doo-la’ mean?”

    (Or is that strictly for beach parties?)

  26. Doctor Handsome
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    If Wilbur stood one step to his right, the palm fronds behind him would make him look like the dude from that band Prodigy. I know that’s a reach, but I’ve got to maintain a base level of mild interest somehow.

  27. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MT – “Wow, looks like we got over $2,000 in cash from that teller’s till! And the small local bank didn’t even have any of those dye packs that the big banks in North Haverbrook use! Now as soon as we dump my car into the ravine and buy a new one, the rest will be pure profi – SHIT!”

  28. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Crazy may need to drink some bottled water as well as Westview’s reservoir is no doubt filled with salty, salty tears.

  29. hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Slylock: As someone who deals with customer service, the rat didn’t want to tell his client that she is an idiot, and those were sparrows in her attic. If squirrel says “bats in the belfry”, then it’s “bats”. Since sparrows lay eggs, the rat was being honest. It’s all part of Sly’s left wing anti-business agenda of tearing down the job creators!

    If I were to express scepticism, though, I’d point out that the attic doesn’t have an air vent.

  30. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Crank: Ah, yes. Here’s Batiuk, good little propagandist for the State that he is, doing his part to get people to accept the TSA ramming their hands in your crotch as “normal”.

    FW: “Yeah, hold on…..Let me go in the back and piss in a glass for you.”

    Luann: What is this……TJ’s younger brother, the Beatnik?

    MT: All robbers, beware: Mark Trail’s HUGE sparrow will swoop down and crush your car!

    MW: Panel 2, Toby: “I’ll show her…….I’m pinching your head! I’m pinching your head! I’m pinching your head!”

    Retail: You know…..THAT could be taken as harassment.

    RMMD: Here’s looking forward to a couple of weeks of a shriveled, nasty old crone screaming at Rex and poking a bony finger in his chest.

    Archie: Ha ha ha! It’s funny, because everyone in Riverdale is a thief!!

    SixChix: I went to my 20-year high school reunion recently…..I swear, I didn’t recognize many of the girls I used to know……for the simple fact that they didn’t have BIG HAIR.

    Love is…: Getting married on the beach where you thought it was only going to be a filthy-thirds one-night stand. Oh, and Kim……THANK YOU for finally putting clothes on them so we don’t have to see naked 4th-grade dots all the time.

    Hope & Death: Looks like Death is so scared, he’s pissing green everywhere, which seem to be his normal state anyhow.

  31. Doctor Handsome
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Dennis, those aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

  32. hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MT: I like the way that the criminals are wearing their saftey harnesses. Seat belts were non-mandatory for cars made before 1965. They must have had them specially installed for those times when they would get picked up into the air by their 60 ft talking pet robin and dropped somewhere over the forest. It’s a great getaway technique, but it’s hell on the shock absorbers.

  33. Marc
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Luann- Gunther screwed up his face and started marching over in a tizzy so quickly that he will miss the next part of Rosa’s statement. She was actually going to tell Juan Carlos there that if he touches her again she will lose all self control and take him to the girl’s locker room and fuck his brains out.
    Of course in reality, it’ll probably just be Gunther making some half assed, timid attempt to “stand up for his girl”. In an attempt to make us root for that snively little bitch.

    Funky- Of course City of Westview water is brown and contains arsenic.

    Mary Worth- I mean look at what she is wearing! Nothing screams skank like a leopard print shirt, and bright yellow suit at a pool party. And look at how her hair flips up at the end. Who does she think she is, Mary Tyler Moore?

    MW2- By the way, judging by how everybody dresses, nobody actually ever uses the pool at a Charterstone pool party do they?

    Baby Blues- Dennis the Menace could learn a few things from Hammie. Well done.

    Hi & Lois- Long winter’s nap eh? Looks like Lois plans on smothering her husband in his sleep.

  34. lorne
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Slylock doesn’t realize that Granny Squirrel isn’t the Exterminator’s client, she’s the target. As is customary in this world, he was administering a Voight-Kampff Test to determine her relative “humanity”:

    “There’s a nest of bats in your attic. What do you want me to do with the eggs? Reaction time is a factor.”

    From the look on Rat’s face, Slylock will soon be getting some questions on what to do about that turtle he just found in the desert.

  35. Doctor Handsome
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Granny Squirrel didn’t even realize she’d been scammed, so why is she weeping unconsolably? Is she mourning the innocent, precious bat eggs?

  36. wossname
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MT – Apparently that bird has seen a lot of bank robberies go down and is qualified to rate degree of difficulty. Now, Jeff and Jamie – look for a field where there’s a jacket and a blind dog.

    MW – WOLVES!!! Oh, wait – you said Wolvenson.

    JP – How conveeeenient for April that her boyfriend the judge, her attorney, and the attorney’s administrative assistant are all close personal friends with the cops, who inform them of everything that’s going on in the case.

  37. seismic-2
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    MW: Good God, at the buffet table there – what a clump of horrid round blobs of flesh-colored putrid doughy things. And the one in the pink shirt has an especially bad comb-over, too.

    DtM: One-quarter sized jacket-shirt-towel garment made from a tablecloth? Check! Five-inch long unfastened necktie-like cloth with a pattern never before seen on earth? Check! All right – Henry is going to a Pool Party!!!

  38. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): @forgot (#24):

    I thought you might have meant…….ZAA!

  39. Doctor Handsome
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Glass of water? Lady, he was asking for directions to the shitter.

  40. Mumblix Grumph
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Look at the facial expressions on Dennis’ parents faces. They’re not stupid, they can smell weakness and Dennis is pumping it out by the barrel. In 24 hours Dennis is either going to be in Military school or in a gunny sack…maybe both.

  41. Not Just Any Dipstick
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Bats? :], has anyone seen Bats? ;]

  42. Chip Whittle
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Does anyone else find it just adorable when Beetle Bailey tries to portray something reminiscent of actual Army stuff? It’s like watching a six-year-old teach her stuffed dolls arithmetic or Mark Trail plotting.

    Between Friends: Ha! See, it…uh…because uhm. I dunno, maybe you have to like coffee to get it.

    Crankshaft: Do you suppose after writing this Tom Batiuk and Chuck Ayers wept themselves to sleep? I mean more than usual?

    Hazel: Ha ha, yes, sneer at the silly kid who makes a snow-dog and then goes on giving it a snow-bone. We’ll crush that youthful joy yet!

    Mark Trail: Man, that is one smug criminal mastermind goldfinch.

    Do you suppose Jeff Butler and Jamie Britt are hoping their green car will be undetectably camouflaged if they stick to driving on the grass?

  43. McManx
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Mr. Rat has that “I’m going to run this motherfucker over and then gnaw out his eyeballs” look. He knows the Code of Rodentia will keep Granny Squirrel and even Max from interceding, and a pink bunny won’t do crap.

    MWorth: Interesting that Charterstone Pool Parties rarely feature a pool. But judging from Wilbur’s shirt, perhaps it is a billiards party.

    Spiderman: Either the whole Marvel universe of heroes is infected with the same shitty ineffective attitude Spiderman usually engenders, or the Avengers know who Spidey really is, and they are just screwing with him about Thor snatching his wife.

  44. Chip Whittle
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Love Is… Hang on, Mr. and Mrs. Is first met at the “tropical island” backdrop from the Sears Portrait Studio?

    Pardon My Planet: Don’t judge me, but there’s something about Mom Devil there I think works. I think it’s having a pendant on top of everything else.

    Spider-Man: This totally makes me want to see the Avengers movie, as long as it’s going to be two hours of screwing with Peter Parker’s spider-mind.

  45. Ranger
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    A “City of Westview” sounds like a glass full of cancer. Is the “Lisa’s Legacy” a chaser?

  46. capchemist
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Nola=aloN (alone) Wolvenson = wolf = on the prowl.

  47. Swordsmith
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    SFx:Although it is true that mammals don’t lay eggs, this doesn’t mean that Reeky Rat didn’t chase the bats out of the attic. Since he wasn’t hired to remove eggs, and his bill doesn’t list a separate charge for egg removal, his egg claim seems like the sort of fluff designed to make his job seem more exciting than it really is.

    A friend of mine makes damascus steel knives from time to time, and he frequently claims 512 layers of steel. What he doesn’t say is that really, if you stack eight layers, weld, cut into eight slices, repeat, repeat, you get 512 layers from three operations… he may imply 512 folds, but the truth is, three. People just won’t pay as much for three [*].

    It’s likely that rather than remove eggs, Reeky Rat simply killed the bats, and tried to tart it up a little with the more humane claim of egg removal. He could also have claimed to have moved the bats to a nice farm in the country where they can run and play. If the bats are gone, then Ms Squirrel should shut up and pay up.

    Further, removing bats from the attic is a foolish move, bats eat insects and pollinate plants, and the rapidly vanishing bat population is doing a lot of damage to the environment. The correct move would be to put a bat house up on the attic eaves, chase the bats out of the house and put in a screen to stop them getting back into the attic, so they move into the bathouse instead, everybody wins.

  48. TheDiva
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    FW: Rachel sighed with resignation. She would have to suffer through an hour of Crazy making “witty” remarks about being a cheap bastard, and with no chance of getting a tip for her trouble. Worse, the City of Westview tap water was so disgusting that spitting into his glass wouldn’t make any measurable difference.

    MW: Look, it’s a noble effort. But even the promise of Nola the Slut (wearing sinful yellow, instead of the sacred purples and pinks of the Charterstone faithful), the guy wearing the adult-sized onesie, and Wilbur gleefully loading up on unbaked dough balls cannot make up for having sat through the entire month-long Festival of Saint Mary.

    9CL: Frankly, I liked Gil better in his beard and baseball cap. At least he didn’t look like every other snooty cultural asshat that flows from McEldowney’s pen.

    C’shaft: Wasn’t that a “Moe’s Tavern” prank call back in the day?

    Luann: Gunther’s going to get his ass handed to him, which will be nice. Unfortunately, it will inevitably lead to Rosa tending his wounds and telling him how “sweet” he is for fighting her battles (because, you know, she can’t do that herself), instead of Gunther finally snapping and going Columbine on the rest of the cast.

    MT: The narration is a lot more fun if you imagine it said by the guy who did The Untouchables, or Batman.

    SM: “Looks like it’s up to me, then…I wonder if Alex Trebek has any advice…”

  49. Esther Blodgett
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    FW: Crazy uses Annoying Joke Leer. It’s super effective! Waitress can’t run away now! Waitress has fainted! Crazy has defeated Waitress! Crazy has learned Leer!

    Crazy Harry is a Level 90 Smugachu.

    /poke-parody

  50. Chip Whittle
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I was getting ready to joke about how happy Wilbur is to have a plate of formless objects to eat–he’s even got his head bowed, saying grace over it–and how wonderful it is to see 1970′s Game Show Host in the background (his head’s sliced by Mary’s “I thought so too!” word balloon tail), and then I noticed to the left of Toby is a guy whose too-tight shorts are ripping apart at the seams. And when it comes to Mary Worth characters I’d like to see burst out of their pants to be naked from the waist down, I think of nobody.

    Mark Trail: Hang on, it just struck me. Jeff Butler? Wasn’t he the dope with the failing logging business who started hitting his wife who had the pet deer? Looks like Mark’s last intervention may have worn off.

  51. agony
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#47):

    If those bats are the type to flock to a bathhouse, you might have discovered the reason behind the dwindling bat populations….

  52. word-doctor
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MT: That dialogue is flipped in the third panel, and I think the bird meant to say “Dump ON the car!” Marvin must not be proofreading.

  53. bunivasal
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    I absolutely love Crazy’s look of smug satisfaction even though there’s no possible way that joke was intended to net him a tall, frothy glass of tap water.

    “City of Westview” is rail drink, Crazy. It’s a rail drink made from Sad Siberian vodka and a thousand bitter tears.

  54. Chareth Cutestory
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Johnnycakes (#9): Does Toby have a silversmithing claw hand deformity or is she a shapeshifter whose momentary lapse in discipline gave a glimpse of rippling shoulder flesh? I won’t give a firm answer, both are incredibly fun to imagine cruising around a pool party

  55. Mibbitmaker
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is finally up!

    The presidents of the last 43 (really 49) years would try anyone’s patience!

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#y83):

    @Hei of the Zaraki Company (#y128):

    my pleasure! just trying to add some cuteness to everyone’s day. :-D

  57. Horace Broon
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    ASM: The only thing funnier than Newspaper Spidey begging for help from other supeheroes is him getting completely brushed off by them.

    HtH: “But seriously, we’re all going to drown.”

    MT: I can’t wait to see how these storylines collide. I suppose the smart money is on the blind dog tracking down the crooks, but I think I’d prefer it if Mark got another phone call: “Sorry, Tommy, the TV crew can’t make it. Apparently they’re shooting a really good episode of America’s Dumbest Criminals.”

    MW: Oh, I hope Nola is a female Charley, complete with similar love nest. Heck, I hope the unnamed boyfriend is Charley and they’re both entirely cool with having an open relationship. But that would be interesting, so it won’t happen.

    SH: Er, yeah. That’s exactly what she just said.

  58. Bookworm
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    MW: I thought those were supposed to be cap sleeves on Toby in panel one (white caps sleeves on a purple top at pool party would not be my thing, but I’m not Toby and I don’t live at Chartstone). Then I saw panel two. Maybe that’s the mystery this time – The Mystery of the Disappearing Sleeves. Nola could be the distraction for the guy on the left who is really a Sleazy Sleeve Thief.

  59. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#57):

    MW: Oh, I hope Nola is a female Charley, complete with similar love nest.

    Well, if her name is anything to go by, she might just be the ‘big easy’.

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Lio: First Encounters of the Slapstick kind.

    Luann: Gunth is about to pull an Anthony! oh GLEEE!

    Frazz: ba-dumpTISH!

    Zits: *applaz* nicely done. wish it could be at this level of good more often.

    Bizarro: arrow to the knee in 3, 2, 1. . .

    JUMBLE: I like it, but it’s pretty close to an earlier one involving a certain low spot in Cali.

    RwO: taking advantage of the editor’s vacation to depict copious nudity.

    PMP: shares a setting with RwO, but sadly without the nekkid devilgirls.

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . .not showing the Tiki-Boom-Boom-Room just off panel.

  62. Dale
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Luann

    The new art teacher hasn’t figured out that 22 year-old Rosa is a student, not the new girls’ guidance counselor.

  63. Calico
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Ranger (#45):
    “City of Westview” reminds me of the plot of “Erin Brockovich.”

  64. Señor Tortilla
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    FW: “No, cancer and depression do not come in a glass.” Alternatively, “One formaldehyde cocktail coming right up!”

    MW: Despite the disappointing last-storyline, and the one before that, and the one before that, I have my hopes up once again!

    9CL: “No, my name is Seth. It was almost convincing, though, right?”
    (also, apparently they quit colorizing them on Comics Kingdom)

    DT: Apple has finally released some rejected iPod ads from the mid-2000s.

    Pluggers: Older than the last three Presidents? Given that the three before Obama were Bush, Clinton, and Bush, that puts the Plugger older than H.W., who uses a wheelchair/walker occasionally and is around 88.

    GT: These tattoo people are surly and not at all realistic. I once knew a guy who had to work two jobs (he got the Subway job I was trying to apply to), the other being a tattoo artist, all to support his very young daughter (he was a single father).

  65. Calico
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#57):
    “Cops” meets “The Dog Whisperer.”

  66. Mibbitmaker
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MW: OH, THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …the St. Mary strips are over!

    MW: Fat guy (Wilbur) eagerly eating something… check.

    MW: Wolvenson. Any relation to Wolverton? I’d have loved to see Basil’s version of the Mary Worth strips!

    MW: Toby’s shoulder…. remembers Author’s Comment on today’s PCK….. nope. No problem there!….

    MW: Worships the ground Toby walks on? Hell, Chinbeard only worships the ground Chinbeard walks on! (in a Brooke McEldowney sort of way)

    MW: Is that yellow-suited fellow in the background punching that woman in the face?! So much for paying attention to bad stuff, eh, Mary?

    MW: It’s worse about the guy in the far left! — That isn’t shorts — that’s his underwear! Putting your belt on won’t hide the fact, buster!

    MW: Does Mary have a salmon-square cookie she’s eating?! Wow.

    MW: Toby, in panel two, is actually measuring Chinbeard’s junk! Your body language is WAY to subliminal, Toby!

    MW: “That’s why we never invite Mark Trail‘s Kelly Welly to these things!”

  67. Austria
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Arch: Whoa! Reggie’s chest hair spells out the date!!

    Blondie: The Herb & Jamaal channel, now in HD.

    DTM: Oh, it’s menacing, trust me. As soon as his mom leaves to visit the little ladies’ room, Dennis will drop every single one of those clean dishes on the floor, shattering them. Clever boy, hiding his menace under the guise of helpfulness.

    Luann: OH SNAP GUNTHER’S GONNA GET BEAT UP I CAN’T WAIT

    MT: The bird. She approves.

  68. Señor Tortilla
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Is that a loaf of cheese?

  69. mojo
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Speaking of keeping Ian “under wraps”, how long has it been since he’s even appeared in the strip? (I’m too protective of my mental health to actually do the research myself.) When Toby says “under wraps” does she really mean “wrapped in chains in the basement cistern eating moldy crusts of bread”? Because that’s what it’s starting to look like.

  70. Uncle Lumpy
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Found on Web: Phantom-themed video poker machine in Australia, courtesy of The Economist. He’s a global brand!

  71. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    “Crazy Cat Lady” has an equivalent term.

    It started before the chicken evolved.

    This helps explains why Margo has so few second dates.

    Wonder Veronica. (best cross-over?)

    Bedsheet for Lio.

    lolsnark . . .

  72. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    and squee!

    Funkadelic Spider. (amazing pic, srsly)

    for bats :[. ( a bit different than usual!)

    I .gif you Otter Dance.

    The Daily Puppy is an adorbable beagle.

    corgi be trippin’ balls.

    floof!

    brainmush!

  73. hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Crazy: Because if I said ‘Give me a water’, you might serve a Coors Light!

    See, that would be funny. You’re welcome, Batuik.

  74. Ranger
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I think Rosa is gonna take down Suavey McSuave before Gunther can intervene. This will emasculate Gunther even more as he sulks back to ambiguity, which is preferred since we would all rather see TJ mindfuck Ann.

  75. Chip Whittle
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Arlo and Janis: I feel kind of bad for giggling at the squirrel’s first noise being “bonk!” But is a clumsy squirrel ever not funny?

    Baldo: Either they’re watching Woodstock campaign or the candidate is singing “I’m Not Your Steppin’ Stone”.

    For Heaven’s Sake: “The doctor says I have a medical condition that also describes my attitude toward others.” This sounds like how doctors give diagnoses in the kiddie-puzzle-feature strips. I could see Slylock Fox being told if he doubled the number of minutes Max Mouse has to spend on the rehab treadmill, squared that, subtracted seventy-five, and divided by five he’d get the original number back.

    Mutt and Jeff: I have no idea what the punch line is supposed to be, but it does come from the generation that gave us the Hut-Sut Song and atomic-powered concept cars, so I figure they just ramble like this.

    Mythtickle: Snrrk. Sincerely.

    Ten Cats: Yeah, cats are like that. But has the strip (not just today but overall) got a joke besides, cats complain a lot?

  76. Ross
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Hey, Rat, do us all a favor. Floor it!

  77. Digger
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    MW: Even Wilbur is steering clear of the bright-yellow loaf of radioactive waste on the table.

    SFx:

  78. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    9CL – It appears that all the females in this strip are forced to share the same slinky cocktail dress for use on all formal occasions. At least this one has a different haircut so we know it isn’t Edda. Can’t say the same for the male characters, who now all dress identically.

    Wasn’t the whole “magical gheys who teach inevitably clueless straight men how to attract women” trope played out by 2005? When a slovenly, culturally out-of-touch gay character appears in fiction, replacing the wise-cracking, “is there ANYTHING he won’t say!?” stereotype, it will be a big step forward from this tokenism.

  79. Calico
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#67):
    MT – Bird is the word! : )

  80. hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Nola Wolveson = A lone wolv son

    The proper term would actually be “cougar”, but that’s just one of a number of amusing subtleties that can be picked on in a mere two panels.

    Mary’s eyes are rolling, thinking of anyone possibly being attracted to that albino whale that Toeby calls a spouse. She defrays with the skill of the Russian ballet. Instead of “You don’t have to worry about your husband, Toeby. No one is interested in that fat bastard,” and instead of “Even if Ian was targeted by this vixen, he’d be too drunk to hold an erection for longer than it takes to swat a fly,” she goes with “Ian worships the ground you walk on, the slobbering fool (because few other women would tolerate his hideous b.o.).” Great tact, Mary! Now tell Wilbur that grazing at the snack table makes him look like the culinary equivalent of masturbation. Then turn your attention to underwear man and tell him that choking the chicken in public is the sexual equivalent of looking like Wilbur Weston.

  81. Cal
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#1): eIther that or he’s holding the dishes hostage …

  82. Baka Gaijin
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#12) on Mary Worth: Ew. Worse? He’s jacking off to Wilbur’s manly visage.

    @Galadriel (#25): Well Hic-a-doo-La’s that special feeling ya get when you hold hands with ya best gal!

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#27): Are you sure they weren’t in Ogdenville? At the bank under the tracks of the defunct monorail?

    @pugfuggly (#59): Ah ha ha HA!

    @Digger (#77): See above.

    @hogenmogen (#80): I wonder what Freud would say about your interpretation of those 2 Mary Worth panels?

  83. seismic-2
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Ian worships the ground that Toby walks on. In fact, he prostrates himself on it, every night after finishing off half a bottle of Scotch.

  84. Mibbitmaker
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “There’s nothing wrong with making one even more horribly late than one is already!”
    On the other hand, now Ms. Dawkins is officially Tommie’s Professional Excuse.

    BBlues: See, I’d answer as he did — but AS A JOKE! (not a brilliantly witty one, mind you, but that is my sense of humor, at least in part)

    BBailey: …..and kill him!

    Crank: A 21st century issue, in a 21st century situation, in a 21st century Crankshaft — with a naming scheme that’s right at home in a 1970s-’80s Funky Winkerbean!

    Doones: I love meta! And I’ve always hated Doonesbury meta. GOD, I miss Bloom County!

    ReFOOB: Men/Rod, amIrite?

    H&L: Meanwhile, in last week’s Mutts — “Mooch….. what’s that guy doing here?!”

    Lockhorns: She’s not throwing him out, nor is she getting even with him or teaching him a lesson. That’s just how she organizes closets! This IS The Lockhorns, after all.

    MT: The bird is the gang leader.

    Marvin: No.

    Popeye: Bluto/Brutus: “”And this surprises you, one-eye?”

    FC: The kids skip the TV shows, but come in from the snow for the commercials?! Finally, TV bashing I can get behind!

    Zits: Lady, I don’t think the Oedipus Complex thing will work, nor should it! (now if you were Lucille and Buster Bluth…..)

  85. Spyglass
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only person here totally confused by Toby’s use of the phrase UNDER WRAPS! Keeping something “under wraps” means keeping it a secret, right? So she thinks the only way she can keep her husband from cheating on her is by refusing to tell anyone he exists? Unless… unless he’s dead and she just remembered that it’s time to change his mummy wrappings! That makes Mary’s response make more sense, too, since clearly Ian can only walk on consecrated ground.

  86. Baka Gaijin
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Miss Avis, you finally found a look that is simply you.

    Mama Zits, Jeremy hauls his ass out of bed for his girlfriend because she gives better head than you. Sad to say but it’s true.

  87. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Has anybody other than me noticed that the Seattle PI comics page has become insufferably slow since their last “upgrade”? 30 seconds between click and strip display? Geez…

  88. Baka Gaijin
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#87): Yes. I thought all those electrons got tired heading over the ocean to me.

  89. Dood
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    If this “under wraps” thing means Toby is going to turn Ian into a giant burrito, I’m OK with it.

  90. wossname
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#88): Yes, totally agree re Seattle PI, which in other ways is a great comics page. I think it’s all the aggressive ads.

  91. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#80):

    Other qualities of Nola that can be deduced from anagrams of her name:

    She writes romantic stories, but only short ones (Swoon Novella) and keeps her bellybutton free of lint (No Navel Wools). She eats all her food raw (Allows No Oven), but still enjoys succulent beef on lazy sunday afternoons (Slow Noon Veal). She has a thing for unidentified nocturnal types (Loves Anon Owl) but can’t imagine marrying someone with a big beak (All Nose, No Vow!).

  92. Dennis Jimenez
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#36): Mock him if you will, but Jackelrod had the jump on Liam Neeson with that storyline – Neeson’d still be alive today if he’da had Andy an’ Princess with him, instead’a all those stupid people….

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    MW: Yea and hallelujah, Mary’s Kidnapalooza of 2011-12 is over! Pool party! But I have to wonder why Nola Wolverson is throwing herself at Lawrence when studly Wilbur is right there sending out his manvibe. (Apologies to any breakfasts that were disturbed by this comment.)

    SFx: The rat in the pest control van is one of those con men who just don’t care. “Aah, I dunno, got rid of the bat eggs or some shit.” This is one of those cases where Max has the harder job in conoling the hysterical complainant. Seriously chill, lady. The bats probably all have glasses and tweed coats.

    S-M: Spider-Man awakes into a world where all the other costumed heroes are as lazy and indifferent as he is. I’m sure Rod Serling is lighting up a cigarette right around the corner.

    HtH: “But seriously, guys, we’re on a tiny rock with limited space and no food. Let’s draw straws to see who gets eaten.”

    Ziggy: Let Trixie Flagston think that Mister Sunbeam is her big toasty warm buddy. Ziggy knows his true nature, angry and capricious.

    Garfield: Sorry Jon, you’re not the one moving the merchandise.

    GT: Oh sure, be all smug about bringing in big pirate video bucks. But the Punisher is gonna ventilate your ass when he sees you biting his style.

    Popeye: A smart man at this point would take the hint and start hitting the bars. Not our Sailor Man, though.

    Agnes: Romance for girls who hate boys? So that explains her haircut. I’ll have to Google “angry lesbians +cinnamon toast” when I get home. Probably turns up some interesting images.

    S4th: Faye is looking very “Pat Benatar in ’81″ today.

    A3G: Haha, middle aged Margo has traveled back in time to screw with Tommie at work.

  94. El Gringo
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    At the Batiuk Public House, every pint of “City of Westview” comes with an arsenic chaser!

  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86): *snurk*

    I propose that Zits comment for Dingo Memorial Award for Unspeakably Funny Filth of the Week.

    the float is made of black leather from Finland. . . . .

  96. Dood
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    That’s it, Wilbur, get mad at them damned eggs!

  97. The Ridger
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Okay, I know this reflects Tony Stark’s level of confidence that Thor will end up doing the right thing and/or reluctance to get involved, but dam-yam it’s amusing watching him jerk Spiderman around.

  98. Stroker Ace
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Henry looks guilty, Dennis enjoys washing dishes @ 2am & Alice smells Nola Wolvenson.

  99. The Ridger
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#97): Although, come to think of it … It might that whole “reason with Thor” thing. I mean, if he thinks MJ is Sif, he’s well beyond reasoning with.

  100. Fashion Police
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Who in their right mind wears a suit to a pool party? Well, we might, but that’s beside the point. We concede that our wardrobe is a little short on regulation pool-party attire. And completely lacking in hideous yellow-and-black print shirts – an omission we do not care to redress.
    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8):
    We are sorry to note that we have never actually seen Professor Cameron wrapped in a kilt. A pompous fat fellow in a kilt is just the sort of tasteful fashion statement we live for. It’s right up there with ex-grungers made over into v-neck-pullover-with-ascot metrosexuals.

    @TheDiva (#48):

    9CL:Frankly, I liked Gil better in his beard and baseball cap. At least he didn’t look like every other snooty cultural asshat that flows from McEldowney’s pen.

    Amen, sister. If the fellow was going to abandon his Class-A grunge look, he could have at least worn nice three-piece and a necktie. There are standards.

  101. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Fail Thought of the Day:

    “Walking in on your parents is embarrassing. walking in on just one parent? Even more so. #LFMF”

    win with beer cans.

  102. Jeck
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you’re missing an “of” between “world” and “sentient animals” in the Slylock Fox commentary.

  103. seismic-2
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    I think Exterminator Rat did in fact remove all the bat eggs from Granny’s vents. Then he delivered them to the Santa Royale Fresh Foods, and Wilbur Weston is about to chow down on a heaping plate of them.

  104. Donkey Hotey
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is…is…Wilbur carrying on a conversation with his food?

  105. Tom
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Where the hell is Mary Worth sticking that cracker/cookie? Does her species have a second, hidden mouth that handles food while the visible one handles meddling in other people’s affairs?

  106. un malpaso
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    In the alternate universe sitcom version of Funky, (cast circa 1985) I see the late George Carlin doing a cameo as the gruff, but smiling, “Crazy.” (Note the implied pause in the strip for audience chuckles, as “Crazy” mugs for the camera.) I don’t know who could play the generic Montoni’s waitress… maybe the late Dana Plato? That would help maintain the deathly Funkyverse aura of impending doom.

  107. Clikky the Safetypinhead
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#33):

    “By the way, judging by how everybody dresses, nobody actually ever uses the pool at a Charterstone pool party do they?”

    The “pool” refers to a shared bet, like a football pool. You put money in a jar and pick the name of which unlucky local is going to be the next forcible Mary-meddlee.

    In case of ties, contestants bet on how long after the meddle is completed it will take Mary to shut the hell up about it.

  108. Pozzo
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    MW, panel one: Glad to see that Pee-Wee Herman was invited to the pool party, though I’m sure Mary had to have a talk with him first about the evils of self- (or, really, any kind of) pleasure.

  109. agony
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    I’ll forgive Brooke quite a lot of Whatshernamedancer just doesn’t find Gil attractive anymore.

  110. agony
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Sigh. “IF”

  111. Here Come ole Flattoop
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues: Game, Set. and Match! Guys being guys. Finally.

  112. sully
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    The Menace’s old man can’t help with the dishes. Look at him, he’s coming in late, after his wife and kid have already had dinner, and are nearly done the dishes, and he’s so gassed, he has to prop himself up on the counter just to get through the door! Loosened tie, half-closed eyes… he’s obviously been at the bar since quitting time, or has been sitting alone in his car, guzzling down a fifth of Jim Beam before facing the grim reality of his domestic horror.

  113. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Slylock – No wonder Granny Squirrel is crying. From that piece of paper in her hand, it’s clear she just got the news about poor Bill, and that’s ruining any joy she might feel over the knowledge that she’s now free to skitter around in the attic without interference.

    9 – Gil’s gotten the “now I look like every other Thurber male in this strip” makeover. On the bright side, he’ll probably never be punched by Mark Trail.

    Dick – Both Cueballs are down, and neither one went into a side pocket. Frankly, I’m a little disappointed. Let’s call this a scratch and re-rack.

  114. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Gil – Panel 2: Just keepin’ it evil here! Because tattoos by themselves might not be universally scorned, so we’ll make sure they’re also doing something else that’s condemned and reviled by all moral people: DVD Pirating! It’s a natural, right? Tattoos, pirates, ring in the ear, yo ho ho, walk the plank! And don’t forget to talk about it when you two are alone.

    Mary – No, Mary, Toby needs to literally keep Ian under wraps, using clear polyester sheets, like he was a sofa. Otherwise, Wilbur’s likely to get bread crumbs and bits of pickle relish on him.

  115. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Non – Look up the meaning of the prefix “bi-” and get back to me.

    Pluggers – Yeah, “new plan” has been tried. It’s time to listen to the wisdom of the pluggers and give “same old plan” a serious trial.

    @Effluvius Erratus (#16): “Big nose, big hose.”
    (I Googled for occurences of “big hose” on this site before drafting a comment on Popeye, but you just can’t predict all possible phrasings of the other part.)

    @hogenmogen (#80): “vowels on loan”?

  116. Binder's Butter Beans
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#104): “Hello, gorgeous. Have you met my friend Mustard?”

  117. Marc
    January 30th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#90): I thought it might have just been my computer at work. Good to know that it isn’t only me having that problem.

  118. _Liz
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    I don’t understand how Slylock fox, the rabbit, the rat, the mouse, the squirrel, and the tree are all the same size. And the bats must be tiny. It’s blowing my mind. Are there insects in this world, walking around, with jobs? And fish sitting in cubicles under the ocean. Or maybe “walking” around in special suits outfitted with fishbowl helmets. And I’m pretty sure we saw a human once or twice. So in this horrific future, the planet is ‘ruled’ by mammals, fish, and birds? And the poor insects are …who knows? And the weird freaky animals (ie Bats, platypii, lobsters) are systematically driven out and killed? Suddenly Slylock Fox has become far more interesting. I’ll need to research this further.

  119. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#100): Pre-makeover Gil wasn’t grunge so much as Silent Bob. The early Kevin Smith thing was a different look for Brooke to explore, so it’s not much surprise that it didn’t last.

  120. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G: What century does A3G take place in? I haven’t seen a nurse wearing a cap since 1968. And that was Nurse Ratched in One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Watch out, Tommie, you could be her next candidate for a lobotomy (not that anyone would notice).
    And BTW, I was so disappointed that Tommie didn’t refer to Ms. Dawkins as the “head nurse.”

    CS: And BTW, I was so disappointed that the Head of the Transportation Authority wasn’t referred to as “Harris Mint.”

    BG&SS: Watch out, Jughaid, the Parson don’t cotton to those Papist heresies about the BVM! You may find yo’sef tied to a stake.

    FC: Thel won’t fall for that trick – those kids know they’re supposed to relieve themselves in the neighbors yard.

    MW: I know I should be elated that we’re finally enjoying this long-awaited pool party, but I’m feeling pretty empty with Emily gone. She should totally be there at the pool party. Eating cookies and swimming. Oh, wait – has anyone checked the bottom of the pool?

  121. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): But walking in on one parent and the pool cleaner? That will get you a sports car!

    Well, from what I hear about “Gossip Girl” I’m guessing that’s at least how it works on TV.

  122. Notebooked
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Who is the man in the yellow suit in the background of Panel 1 of Mary Worth? He has the hairstyle, moustache, and apparent tray of the typical French waiter, but something about his pose, especially the arm stretched out at a 60 degree angle, seems to say ‘enthusiastic and/or rich old friend or uncle’. If he is both, then couldn’t he put the tray down before greeting whoever he’s greeting? Or is that not a tray, but rather a rare bone deformity resulting in a large, disc-like hand? I’m so fascinated. I hope he returns in a later plot.

  123. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#78):

    When a slovenly, culturally out-of-touch gay character appears in fiction, replacing the wise-cracking, “is there ANYTHING he won’t say!?” stereotype, it will be a big step forward from this tokenism.

    Max from the show “Happy Endings” at least has the slovenly part nailed down.

  124. SxSWhistlebritches
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    MW:Jesus, Wilbur makes me sick. Just look at that guy. He owns several Fleshlights and he’s not the least bit embarrassed. Hell, he probably leaves them laying out on the coffee table. Thought it was funny when someone explained Twitter to Mary? Just wait til the next time she has tea with this creep. He’s already chuckling about it.

  125. colorado
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Man, why are there NEVER chips and dip at the frackin’ pool party? I’m so sick of earth colored blobs…there’s no taste to them!

  126. Pablo Piccolo
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    MW – Ian, who is off camera over by the punch bowl surreptitiously fortifying his cup with a dash of gin, suddenly finds himself covered by a tablecloth and hauled away back the the apartment where he will remain until Toby decides it’s safe to let him out again.

  127. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – Hoo, transparent closet much?

    A3G – When did Ruby dye her hair?

    DT – No, I think Putty Puss just slipped on the Staton-Curtis-brand doormat. They had a run of manufacturing defects, or so they say…

    F- – *snrk*

    GT – …mwahaha?

    JP – I’ve always been derisive of the way a touchscreen phone looks like holding a wallet to your ear, but I feel a little more kindly towards them now that they’ve aided in making Sam look doofy. There’s always room for more of that.

    Love Is… – Pitcairn Island.

    Luann – What the…what the hell is that? Accidentally bumping shoulders in a crowd is a more menacing unwanted interpersonal contact. Is he playing “nyah nyah, I’m not touching youuuuu!”? (Thing I did not need to know: Gunther’s nose turns into a glans when he is surprised.)

    MT – …hey, guys, those things generally go faster on a road.

    MW – All pool party material is awesomeness, but I just have to ask: who is that guy in panel one, and HOW DID HE GET THE IMPRESSION THAT A LOINCLOTH IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PANTS?

    Peanuts – Aww…

    PBS – This storyline has been moderately amusing up until now, but this, this had me laughing aloud. Well done, sir.

    SM – Tony, man, thank you. This is just entirely awesome.

    Ziggy – Ziggy is a pagan sun-worshipper. Who knew?

  128. Calico
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Here Come ole Flattoop (#111):
    Yes, I liked this strip. Very well played, and it may go on my office wall (I work from home).
    That’s more menacing than Dennis has been in 15 years.

  129. Nulono
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    The pest control still got them out of the attic; pay the damn bill!

  130. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @SxSWhistlebritches (#124):

    Wait until he asks her to ‘model’ for his next one.

  131. Calico
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101):
    Oh my God, it’s Allie! Awesome!

    Speaking of awesome, I discovered this while perusing Mike Gordon’s web site Saturday. It totally made my weekend and is still inspiring me. Enjoy! (SFW)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w

  132. Der Schnärkïnätör
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#66): MW: It’s worse about the guy in the far left! — That isn’t shorts — that’s his underwear!

    I think he’s taking a leak on the tree! NOW it’s a Party!

  133. Skot C.
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    To paraphrase a quote I can’t source right now (too busy laughing), Today’s Slylock Fox takes the entire concept of anthropomorphism and shoves it up it’s own ass.

  134. sporknpork
    January 30th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Cal (#81): Regardless, Henry better watch for his safety. I swear on a bible, much like Henry is doing for whatever reason.

  135. Glinda154
    January 30th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    WHOA!!!! Step away from the pool! Mary makes us put up with weeks of crap about that kid and we get a slap stick police chase and days of proselytizing from Mary while the kid eats a cookie. Give us SOMETHING more, the way they presented it the kidnapper was guilty of nothing more than taking the kid to a greasy spoon and getting her ice cream. WASTED days Mary WASTED day! OK return to the story line where someone kicks her polyester wearing nosy butt i the pool.

  136. Ned Ryerson
    January 30th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#68): MW: Is that a loaf of cheese?

    I think that’s congealed pumpkin compote.

  137. Black Drazon
    January 30th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    If the only proof of the exterminator’s poor work habits is Slylock’s knowledge of basic mammalian biology, wouldn’t Granny Squirrel think her house is cleared? So why all the weeping? “Wait, you cleared out my house and now you’re going to CHARGE for it? Oh, I’m calling Knock-Off Baker Street on you, buster.”

  138. Donkey Hotey
    January 30th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#116): Mustard?! Whoa whoa whoa! Easy there with your exotic, fancy-shmancy condiments!

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8):

    Curtis: “Za” for “pizza”? Billingsley doesn’t know any actual humans under age 45, does he?

    If “za” is cutting edge slang and a fortysomething parent still hasn’t inured himself to “that rap junk”, Billingsley would be best off admitting he’s writing an 80s period piece.

  140. seismic-2
    January 30th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: After hitting up his Dad for money for the “za”, will he require additional change for the “vendos”, too? Wouldn’t it be fun to attend a cartoonists’ convention where they invent all this modern-day dialect that no actual young human has ever voiced? “Let’s see… how about roadside???”

  141. LUJBEM FEJF
    January 30th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Funky- I believe that back in the day, Crazy lived in Texas and had a short experimental romance with Willie Nelson. Crazy got tired of being stoned all the time so he sobered up and moved to Westview. But Willy couldn’t quit Crazy, and one day wrote a song for him.

  142. Effluvius Erratus
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    The more I think about it, the more I like that phrase, “sex-hussy.” While it would be redundant anywhere else, the “sex” is a necessary signifier in Santa Royale where, presumably, there are other kinds of hussies — a hussy being any woman not 110% devoted to her man, be it her father, husband, or (chaste) lover. The “sex-” merely identifies whatever it is that is attracting attention away from teh menz. (Dawn, for instance, was a Twitter-hussy before Mary told her to go fly a kite.)(Speaking of Dawn, I don’t see her standing reverently next to her father, complimenting his food stacking abilities. Could it be she’s off in her room Face-tweeting, Twit-booking, saxting or whatever it is the kids do with their technologies?)

    Now, is it just me, or is there an additional dig at Deliah buried in that last panel, as in “[Unlike Delilah, who almost one time thought about looking into the possibility that maybe she was unhappy because her former teacher turned much-older husband was on the road 300+ days a year conducting self-help seminars for cash-rich, judgment-poor MILFs,] you don’t have to worry about about your husband, Toby. He worships the ground you walk on, [whereas Delilah would be lucky to have Lawrence piss on the ground on which she walks]!” or am I reading too much into it?

  143. hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    SM: Spidey can’t save his wife because he’s AFRAID TO TELL OTHER SUPERHEROES HIS SECRET IDENTITY. God knows what they would do with that knowledge. Ask him to help with an emergency on the West Coast in the middle of Dancing With the Stars? Your wife is kidnapped, heading to an alternate reality with no ability to get back. Have fun with your fellow spandex fetishists (and one iron fetishist). Good thing you kept your precious secret.

  144. Mark B.
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    I’m a little disappointed that today’s Judge Parker wasn’t a continuation of yesterday, with April wandering around topless in her semi-darkened apartment, brandishing a shotgun.

  145. This Guy
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8): [Curtis] I hear “‘za” bandied about, but never unironically. Urban Dictionary’s top definition is “Really obnoxious word for pizza that no self-respecting person uses.”

    Usage example:
    Next person to call it “za” is getting kicked in their nis.

  146. Andrew Leal
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: We’re gonna pool party like it’s 1979! Or possibly 89. I love the serene ecstasy on Wilbur’s face as he piles it high with cheese loaf (that has to be the orange yellow thing, right) and either boiled egg whites or peach pattys.

  147. Liam
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    MT-The bird is certainly pleased with itself over the ease of pooping on the car.

  148. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#117): Please let them know (there is a customer service link at the bottom of SeaPI’s comics page). The only way this will be fixed is if enough people complain.

  149. Calico
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#136):
    Acorn squash terrine! LOL

    Is…is the guy on the left in panel 1 exposing himself to Wilbur?

  150. Liam
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    MW-To demonstrate how great she is Mary will walk across the pool.

  151. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#149): Yes, he is! And Toby has some sort of cancerous growth on her right shoulder in the same panel…

  152. True Fable
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Look at that spread at the Charterstone Pool Party! No wonder they were all out of salmon squares at the Publix today.

  153. Bob Earl
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    BB: This same basic joke appeared a week or so ago in reFoob. There it was criticized as a Calvin rip-off. Why is it funnier when Hammy does it?

  154. Dood
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Did someone say, “Charterstone Pool Party”?

    (Cannonball…splash!)

    Marco!

  155. Little Guy
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give ye, Howard Erk.

  156. Not Just Any Dipstick
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#147): And I just taught my parrot to say ‘Oh!, I pooped’. Just waiting for the Red Hat ladies to come over. Potty humor forever!

  157. Snuggs
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Maybe it was just because of the Slylock Fox exterminator drama that I thought of this, but when Crazy ordered a drink called a “City of Westview”, I assumed he was ordering straight-up rat poison. But then I realized I was right after all, because that must be what’s on tap in Westview. That or Radiation-Ade.

  158. Little Guy
    January 30th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    yJP:P April is Aggie Maybank in “Gator”!

  159. SimianPrime
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Dennis is just taking a more subtle approach by emulating another, more menacing D.E.N.N.I.S. First he’s “Demonstrating Value” by helping his mom wash dishes, allowing him to get close enough to “Engage Physically” and “Nuture Dependence”…

  160. Vince M
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure Petey Otterloop is going to handle the not-girlfriend rivalry better than Gunther…

  161. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#144): We can hope…we can hope…

  162. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Snuggs (#157):

    If you are pretty, then the City of Westview comes with a free side dish of rainbow swirl ice cream.

    This being Westview, however, the ‘if you are pretty’ part has, to date, been purely theoretical.

  163. Baka Gaijin
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#95): Thanks! [blushes]

    @The Ridger (#97): That’s something endlessly amusing, like seeing a blind dog take a header over a log or Mark Trail flying out of a boat because a dizzy woman disconnected the wrong mooring line.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): I didn’t need to read that so close to bedtime.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#114) on Mary Worth: That was so funny I didn’t forget to laugh. Ha ha!

    @The Rixter of Dibley (#120): Tied to a stake or chained to a log? With his hat, he may end up on the latter.

  164. Shrug
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#140):

    “Wouldn’t it be fun to attend a cartoonists’ convention where they invent all this modern-day dialect that no actual young human has ever voiced?”

    You mean “Wouldn’t it be fun to attend a toonerist ‘vento where they inve all this modday dialo that no acty young hume has ever voicized?”

    (Fixed it for you.)

  165. KreatureFeatures
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    In Mary Worth, is “Nola” a reference to New Orleans (debauchery central and occasional swamp)? Or a reference to the town in Italy that was buried by a volcano, sacked by the Vandals, and now used by the mafia as an industrial waste dumping ground? I hope it’s both.

  166. Baka Gaijin
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @colorado (#125): Tasteless? You’re practically defining “Charterstone Pool Party.”

    @Glinda154 (#135): Another endlessly amusing tableau. They could do a “Groundhog Day”-like movie where Mary keeps getting pushed into the pool. I’d pay to see that. Numerous times.

    @Effluvius Erratus (#142): “Face-tweeting, Twit-booking, saxting.” I’m taking bets on which strip uses one of these phrases first.

    @Andrew Leal (#146): Cheese loaf=Velveeta. Just sayin’.

    @True Fable (#152): Publix? I misread that the first time as “Pubelix.” Completely different meaning, something I wouldn’t want to associate with salmon squares or any fish product.

    @Bob Earl (#153): Baby Blues doesn’t have a major stick up its ass like reFoob does.

  167. Cloudbuster
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    MT: I don’t know what role the bird played in the robbery, but it seems pretty happy about how well it went. I thought even stupid thieves knew better than to rob a local bank:

    Officer: “What did the thieves look like?”
    Teller: “They looked exactly like Jeff Butler and Jamie Britt, our local thieves!” Officer: “That may be a clue! Do they have facial hair?”
    Teller: “No.”
    Officer: “Curses! Another dead end!”

    A3G: Are there really douchebags that big?

    FW: I bet she rakes in the tips. Nothing like sneering at the customer’s sense of humor to prime the ol’ tip machine.

    9CL: I feel exactly the same way, Janice.

  168. Hibbleton
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#92):
    Spoilers, Bro. Spoilers.

  169. bats :[
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    OHDEARGODYESIT’SAPOOLPARTY! *thud*

  170. Government Cheese
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Hey is that guy to the far left just wearing tighty-whitey briefs?

    Luann: We have a real Napoleon Dynamite fight on our hands now. Maybe Gunther will pretend he’s the Hulk and tear off his shirt, leaving everyone to see that he has multiple nipples all over his torso.

  171. bunivasal
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#162):

    I don’t know about pretty, but the… bartender? Waitress? The Human Woman behind the counter at Montoni’s is, like, porn-star hot. Note the slim waist, large bust, and dead, staring eyes.

  172. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#171): It says something that the waitress at a shit pizza ‘za parlor, whose boyfriend suffers from PTSD and likes his dog more than her, and who looks like a heroin addict, is probably the most attractive person in the strip.

  173. Shrug
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#167):

    One thinks of the thieves being recognized because they are “local” to a small town, but given the probable size of the skyscraper-festooned city drawn in the background they presumably can be “local” and still part of the faceless masses of the teeming metropolis.

    But one does wonder why, with a substantial city just a few miles away, Tommy has no hope of an alternative job more promising than rural gas station attendent. (If nothing else, maybe the bank robbers would be interested in training an apprentice?)

  174. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#171):

    She is Faye Reagan in 3 years.

    Actually, waitressing in Westview would be a good stop on the way down for shot-out porn actresses. Their self-esteem is already gone, as is their health. And as you note, the dead, staring eyes are also part of the job description.

  175. Marc
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @SimianPrime (#159): …just biding his time until he can Separate entirely.

  176. UncleJeff
    January 30th, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    ‘za!?

    I think I heard that back in the 1970s and never again since.

    I did hear an even weirder one yesterday on A&E’s cleaned-up version of “The Sopranos”: “Hey, Tone….ya wanna order up some peesh” (The Hollywood dialect intersection of South Jersey meets Chico Marx)

  177. Hei of the Zaraki Company
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#56):

    You succeeded wildly.

    If we ever get a Corgi pup, we have a name for it already: Ein, as in the same name for the Corgi on “Cowboy Bebop.” Not sure how our cats would take to a canine. Probably be in their usual state: Indifference.

  178. Calico
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#176):
    Never heard anyone say “Za” except for the perpetually starving Curtis.

    Who said “Peesh” – Chrissie?
    The Sopranos are infamous for such phrases – e.g. “Gabbalgool” or whatever for Capicola.
    I can’t stand it when the word “probably” is written “prolly”, among other heinous crimes of the Mot.

  179. Revenge of Chesnut
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#10): You guys, look at how whatever item of “clothing” that is supposed to be doesn’t QUITE cover his right hip. I think he’s pantsless but rocking some sort of tiny, napkin-sized apron. But seriously, though, what is going on with that guy?

  180. Señor Tortilla
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#152): Publix is in Florida and Georgia, Mary Worth is in California. Sorry. :/

    9CL: Just noticed this, but all of a sudden Gil suddenly has a very noticeable receding hairline. I don’t know any gay fashion-types, but if you do (or are one), are receding hairlines “in” these days?

  181. Farley's Revenge
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Pool party! About freaking time. I was beginning to wonder if the Charterstone denizens had developed those odd things called “lives”. I’m so glad to see that order has been restored to the Worthiverse and people are once again milling around in forced levity while choking down unidentified food objects(UFOs) as Mary and Toby hold court(Unlike the guy in the diaper nearby. I do NOT want to know what he’s holding).

  182. Shadrach
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “Red Hot?” Sure, teenage boys have called girls that. In the 1930s.

  183. Liam
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Toby, if you need any help I know a good bondage person that I use for Drew.”

    Slylock Fox-Those weren’t eggs. Those were eight balls of cocaine.

  184. Yahtzee
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know why everyone is harping on Nola’s outfit. What says sexy like the “Leopard Lounge Suit” from Blanche Devereaux’s “Dress to Seduce” collection?

  185. Señor Tortilla
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    I think the “Diaper Dude” in Mary Worth is rocking some fashion from the early 1980s, where it was socially acceptable (fashionable, even) for straight males to wear short shorts.

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_UJQzmnjudgM/R0ule1qXRmI/AAAAAAAAAIw/FVm3nAbiQIE/s1600-h/scan0002.jpg
    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_UJQzmnjudgM/R0ul_FqXRoI/AAAAAAAAAJA/0ARbAWbuhRY/s1600-h/scan0006.jpg

  186. exapno
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#87):

    Its not the paper, its King Features – same deal with the Milwaukee JS comics

  187. Violet
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Toby, it’s taken you a bafflingly long time to come to this realization, but we are all behind you one hundred percent on the advisability of keeping Ian under wraps.

  188. Señor Tortilla
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    Was looking at part of the storyline involving the Charleydome, and I must say, it is weird reading MW back to back. It moves pretty slowly, but for some reason, strips feel disjointed, like there’s tiny gaps in between or something.

    And there’s plot holes everywhere. For example, take this:

    http://content.comicskingdom.net/Mary_Worth/Mary_Worth.20090811_large.gif

    Who is that purple-dressed woman? She’s the main focus of that one strip, and never seen again. Is it Jill? No, in the flashbacks Jill had long hair, and she would’ve mentioned this incident. It’s just weird.

  189. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @exapno (#186): Yea, MilJS is kind-of slow, but not nearly as glacial as SeaPI. I could almost tolerate the MilJS comics site.

  190. nescio
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    B.C. – Who gave the ant queen Thalidomide?

  191. Cloudbuster
    January 30th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#173): Good point. The outdated appearance of everything in the strip always lulls me into believing that all the action takes place in tiny, remote hamlets that lost contact with the rest of society back when little Anthony “Rusty” Fremont was born.

    Mark Trail keeps showing up because Rusty likes Mark. It’s good that Mark punches bad people with facial hair.

    That also explains why the plots read as though they were written by a child with very little understanding of how the world works.

  192. Red Greenback
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Pool Party!: That guy got a sweet deal on those pants. I’d say at least 75% off. (veal, etc.)

  193. Alison
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    “Zits”: Jeremy’s mother seriously doesn’t understand why a teenage boy would eagerly get out of bed for a hot chick, but not do the same for his mom when she’s nagging at him? SERIOUSLY? You are the stupidest person in the world, Connie.

    “Luann”: Gunther is really mad that a slimy guy is hitting on his girl! Gunther is gonna stand there and feel angry while his girl rebuffs the guy! And when the guy walks away, Gunther is still gonna be standing there feeling very mad! TAKE THAT, slimy guy! Yeah!

  194. odinthor
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    #165. KF.

    In Mary Worth, is “Nola” a reference to New Orleans (debauchery central and occasional swamp)? Or a reference to the town in Italy that was buried by a volcano, sacked by the Vandals, and now used by the mafia as an industrial waste dumping ground? I hope it’s both.

    Probably we’re dealing with the song version of the novelty piano piece Nola, by Felix Arndt and James F. Burns. Here’s one verse of the truly immortal lyrics:

    Nothing I do can show how true, I am to you my only one,
    Cuddle up near and let me hear, a word to cheer your lonely one;
    Your winning style my heart beguiles, For one sweet smile I’d walk a mile,
    Let me enfold you in my arms, a while
    .

    Note that the prudent swain doesn’t want to enfold her in his arms for more than just a while.

  195. Trillian
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    I first came across the word ‘za in the Preppy Handbook, which was written in the 80′s but I found at a garage sale in the 90′s. By then, I was going to a school riddled with preppies, and while I could recognize many things from the book, I still never ever came across an actual human who said ‘za.

  196. Tmdess
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Is it possible that Dennis and his parents live in 1962 and Alice is secretly carrying on with their neighbor, Don Draper? They dress and act like it’s 1962, anyway.

  197. odinthor
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    #66. M.

    MW: Is that yellow-suited fellow in the background punching that woman in the face?! So much for paying attention to bad stuff, eh, Mary?

    For some reason, he reminds me of Max Detweiler in The Sound of Music. Unfortunately, (1) he didn’t punch anyone in the face, at least on film; (2) to the best of my knowledge, he never wore a yellow suit; and (3) pool parties are never mentioned in the film (the footage was probably left on the cutting room floor).

  198. MWDG
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    MW: Nola’s hot Cougarlike beauty makes her the HELLCAT to shake things up at Charterstone.

    What Nola can do to help Chaterstone:

    “Assist” Ian with his first erection in five years!
    Steal Dawn Weston’s boyfriend and send a video of their escapades to youporn.
    Convince Jeff to come out of the closet and pull a “burning bed” on Mary.
    Blow up the Bum Boat while the restaurant holds a Charterstone board meeting.

  199. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#197): But, being Rodgers and Hammerstein, he has a rare, otherworldly quality!

  200. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Wait, “Wolvenson?” Is it too much to hope that she’s secretly a werewolf? Could Mary Worth be about to turn into The Howling?

  201. Jilliterate
    January 30th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Oh god. I think my being able to easily-recall a storyline from two-and-a-half years ago (without prompting) and the fact that I was actually impressed with the trendiness of Nola’s yellow suit (with matching leopard-print blouse) indicates that I’m suffering from some sort of literary Stockholm Syndrome, induced by having read Mary Worth for too long.

  202. gnome de blog
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Why is Nola flirting with Delilah’s husband when she has a boyfriend? Obviously, she got tired of watching re-runs of 1950s Broadway musicals.

    @Mark B. (#144):
    Yes, but as compensation we get another view of the incredible shape-shifting Gloria Sanchez, who seems to have enhanced her cup-size since last time.

  203. Binder\'s Butter Beans
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#195): I graduated from high school in 1990, and every now and then during my high school years I’d read a magazine article or a humor column or something that went on about How the Young Folks Talk These Days, and ‘za was always mentioned. Never mind that I never called pizza ‘za, nor did any of my friends, nor did, as far as I know, my enemies. I never heard anyone call it ‘za, except the old farts who wrote these articles and columns. I mean, what the hell?

    (Confession: I did, and sometimes still do, say “coolbeans.”)

  204. No One Suspects the Butterfly
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    FW- I usually order City of Westview Lite. It has all the taste with half the carcinogens.

  205. Jilliterate
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Also, I’ve seen some people expressing puzzlement at what “food” Mary is eating. Guys, come on, I thought we all knew this. Mary only consumes her own sense of worth, seasoned lightly with her feelings of self-righteousness. And it tastes delightful, thank you very much.

  206. Liam
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Poor Rat forced to drive around and possibly kill his family members. I hate to think of the crime that he committed to force to be punished like that.

  207. Liam
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I don’t see why Tommie is so upset it’s not like she has any songs written.

  208. Droopy Says
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#143): Spidey is afraid to reveal his secret identity to the Avengers because it’s embarrassing. With everyone other superhero it’s “I’m Tony Stark, inventor and crime-fighting billionaire industrialist” or “I’m Bruce Banner, Ph.D., worker in high-energy physics” or “During WW II I volunteered for a high-risk experiment so I could have a chance to fight the Axis.”

    Peter Putzer? “Uh . . . goofy me got bit by a radioactive spider. I sewed my own costume and invented my web-shooter and now . . . uh, I work as a photographer for a scandal sheet . . . and my lair isn’t as neat as Avenger HQ, but the couch is great and you should see the all the buttons on my remote!”

  209. Écureuil Écumant
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL/JP: If anyone’s gonna get a metrosexual makeover, it oughtta be Sam. That pea-soup suit and burnt tangerine car are so tacky, and oy! the clash!

    H&L/BB: Get Hi Flagston in here, quick! He’ll whack it with his shoe.

  210. Gold-Digging Nanny
    January 30th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#93): Now, that’s not entirely fair. Thor wasn’t lazy or indifferent. Just a kidnapper. (lol at Rod Serling, though)

  211. No One Suspects the Butterfly
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to Granny Squirrel, that species of bat like monotremes went extinct, and thanks to Shylock, they remain unknown to science. Jerks!

  212. MapDark
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    9CL : So they basically turned Gil into a clone of Seth. AKA 1970′s gay living stereotype. It’s embarassing.

    MW : YAY! POOL PARTY! And Nola is SUCH a slut! an engaged girl , TALKING with a married man , the nerve!

    A3G : girl we need to talk , NOW ! DUN DUN DUNNNNNN

  213. Gold-Digging Nanny
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I’m pretty sure we’re headed for Head Nurse Dawkins lecturing Tommie on falling behind at work, and Dan chewing her out later that night for not taking her music career seriously. In other words, the “Tommie fails at life” plotline, which isn’t so much a plotline as a defining character trait.

    MT: Nothing to see here. The thieves haven’t kidnapped the blind dog yet.

    MW: Isn’t anyone going to try my Velveeta loaf?

  214. Gold-Digging Nanny
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

  215. Gold-Digging Nanny
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @No One Suspects the Butterfly (#204): Why would you want half the carcinogens? The sooner the cancer comes, the sooner you leave the Funkyverse.

  216. No One Suspects the Butterfly
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    The lost speech bubble from panel one of Mary Worth: “Go ahead and start Wilbur. I’ll dial 911.”

  217. Meander
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Am I the only person that noticed that Janice, Edda’s butt double, has no butt to speak of?

  218. Effluvius Erratus
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#166): Another one is snaxting … which Wilbur is really into…

  219. Peanut Gallery
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#8), @This Guy (#145):
    Of course “‘za” is a genuine slang term for pizza! I saw it used in Zits!

  220. moss_moses
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else notice Toby’s freakish thumb? It’s about twice as long as her other fingers. She could even use it for her frequent pointing gestures to add extra emphasis. What would make me projectile vomit is to have the Smiths come to the pool party and further extol Mary’s heroic virtues. Doc Jeff and Mary have already spent the past three weeks lavishing praise on her. This new episode may revolve around Nola Wolverson, hopefully the female equivalent of Charley from the Delilah episode. I hope she does try to seduce Ian Cameron. She seems like his type, being about half his age.

  221. Ed Dravecky
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#78): Max on ABC’s Happy Endings is as close as you’ll find on American television.

  222. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    I’ve had a really long day—not a bad day, just a long one—and do you know what I’m doing to soothe my weary brain at the end of it? Resting my eyes once more on the insane glory that is a Charterstone Pool Party. I can take comfort in the visual delight of Mary sharpening her dentures on some zwieback in panel one; Wilber’s bloated, flaccid arm, which retains just enough digital muscle tone to move a soft, beigeblob into his mouth—but only if he inclines his head forward!; Delilah’s desirable husband’s desirable white pants, into which Nola WOLVEerson wants to get, once she’s shucked off that sexysexy lemon-yellow pantsuit, that is; and—wait, can it be? yes it is!—the teeny-tiny umbrella in Nola’s drink—because everyone knows that only sluts go tiki in public.

  223. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    January 30th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Sure, “Do you have ‘City of Westview’ on tap?” is a labored and lame way to ask for a drink in the Funkyverse, but to ask for a “Cup of Existential Dread” is just too on the nose.

  224. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry if I can’t get more excited about this Charterstone pool party. When I read the title for this post, I really, truly believed that Mary was throwing a party for herself to continue her Self-Aggrandizement World Tour. After three weeks, we’ve only scratched the surface of Mary’s endless sense of self-worth.

    Maybe I’m assuming too soon that this party is not exactly that. But the way Mary failed to immediately steer the conversation away from her slutty neighbors back to her meddling heroics certainly seems to indicate so.

  225. Oregonian
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Sensing danger, Toby springs into action and sends quick signals to Ian, who is engaged in a quiet struggle with Wilbur for control of the buffet line:
    Thumb to lips! (“Shut your pie-hole!”)
    Index finger erect! (“Get your kilt-wearing ass up to our condo and lock the door!”)
    Narrowed eyes! (“Do it now or I’ll tell Mary about your online porn fetish and ask her to intervene!”)

  226. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#192): That guy got a sweet deal on those pants. I’d say at least 75% off.
    He was shorted.

    @odinthor (#194): I’m shocked that “Nola” has lyrics. I probably should have known, but I guess I don’t have the edition of the piano music that lists every possible version on the front (Ukulele version 35 cents! Cornet trio [parts] 53 cents!). I think I’ll resist any temptation to sing them while I practice.

  227. seismic-2
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    I dunno, but there’s something in the look in Toby’s eyes and the gesture that she’s making that suggest to me that if Ian even casts a glance in Nola’s direction, he’s about to get an unexpected prostate exam.

  228. anty a
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: A woman in a lemon-yellow polyester suit is in a casual public setting conversing with a man. And thus we’re all to assume she’s a hussy who is at best flirting with him and at worst soliciting sex because the man is married to someone else? Does Toby think that Ian goes through his days being very careful to never speak to women? That must be the case, because now that Toby has been made aware of a woman who speaks to men to whom she is not married, Toby declares her intent to hide Ian so this woman will not, gasp, speak to him, since apparently he would have no self-control if they did? It just gets weirder the deeper you dig.

  229. Poteet
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#47): Thanks for pointing that out. The exclusion of the bats should be done at a time of year when baby bats won’t be left to starve in the attic, but exclusion of the bats and installation of bat houses is the way to go.

    I had friends who were very wildlife-friendly, but they decided the bats in their attic had to go when certain blood-sucking bat parasites somehow found their way from the attic into the master bedroom. They (the friends, not the parasites) hired a professional bat-excluder, put up a bathouse, and the problem was solved. And on a side note, Reeky really ought to remodel his van so he doesn’t have to hold his tail out the window. It looks uncomfortable, and frankly, Reeky, your tail is not your best feature.

  230. kkarenb
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft – Didn’t they use the “Pat Downes” name once before? It wasn’t funny then, either.

    Rose is Rose – Pasquale is the twin of Gracie in Baldo. Are these kids supposed to be seen as cute? Or inspirational? Try insufferable.

    9CL – When does Seth suddenly sense that Gil is really gay and try to convince him of that?

    Judge Parker – I’d love to hear what the Feds say when Detective Yelich tells them that he gave April 24 hours to destroy any evidence that implicates herself.

  231. Poteet
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    MW — Even apart from her little anatomical oddities, it seems to me that Toby doesn’t look quite the same as she did the last time she appeared in the strip. If only that could be true of Ian. In his case, ANY change would be an improvement.

  232. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE (#224): …Mary failed to immediately steer the conversation away from her slutty neighbors back to her meddling heroics…

    Like this:
    Toby: “I thought she had a boyfriend!”
    Mary: “You’re thinking of Wayne. He’s in prison now. Thanks to me!”

    Or:
    Toby: “I’d better keep Ian under wraps!”
    Mary: “He worships the ground you walk on. But not quite how Emily Smith’s family worships the very air I breathe! Since I rescued her, you know.”

  233. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2012 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @anty a (#228): Well, you have to remember, this is Mary and her protegé we’re talking about. Mary, who intuited that something was wrong with Bonnie and Fine Ernie Johnson because they (A) keep to themselves (how dare they!) and (B) were visibly uncomfortable when she had them over for a dinner of horrible almost-food in ugly surroundings with herself as company. Manufacturing drama is basically what these two do. But that’s okay, they’ll turn out to be right anyway! Because otherwise Mary’s meddling wouldn’t be justified, and we can’t have that!

    @Poteet (#231): In his case, ANY change would be an improvement.
    Really? Some test cases for consideration:
    1. A wattle.
    2. A Prince Albert.
    3. A Prince Albert in a wattle.
    Be careful what you wish for…

  234. Sgt. Stoned
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: Instead of a pool party, you would think that the management of Charterstone would have thrown a banquet to honor Mary for her heroic, miraculous rescue of Emily Smith! Oh, well, no prophet is honored in her own country, and among her own people!

  235. seismic-2
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#231), @commodorejohn (#233): Or consider, if you dare, Ian’s wearing the same outfit as that fellow in the onesie in Panel 1. And then consider his doing this.

  236. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Meander (#217): That’s because it’s supposed to be Edda who is Janice’s butt double.

    I know, it’s hard to keep track of stuff like that, when it’s clear that the cartoonist himself has no interest in consistency. (Hell, he’s even been bragging about it at GoComics under the Pibgorn strip.)

    I don’t know any man, gay or straight, who wears an ascot like that. Even the steampunk men I know who wear ascots understand the value of interesting facial hair and hats to accompany them.

  237. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#233): Some test cases for consideration:
    1. A wattle.
    2. A Prince Albert.
    3. A Prince Albert in a wattle.
    Be careful what you wish for…

    A tilt o’ the kilt will reveal all.

  238. Donkey Hotey
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#195): I was going to comment that my first encounter with the word “‘za” was in The Official Preppy Handbook, and in my confidence that no-one else could possibly remember that long-forgotten text, I ALMOST didn’t check to make sure. Glad I did.

  239. Clint Brawny
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: some colorist turned the bread orange.

  240. Baka Gaijin
    January 30th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#208): I never thought of it that way. Spiderman is even lamer than I realized. Thanks.

    @Effluvius Erratus (#218): Snaxting. How Wilbur Weston, Dagwood Bumstead, Jughead Jones, and Sargent Snorkel keep in touch.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#222): “Only sluts go tiki in public.” Newest song from one of those Christian rock bands.

    @commodorejohn (#233): You had me at “a dinner of horrible almost-food” then lost me at “wattle.”

  241. Poteet
    January 31st, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#233): BWAHAHA! Point taken.

  242. Poteet
    January 31st, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    MW — Delilah and Lawrence were forgettable, but Charley was a thing of beauty and a joy forever. I hope he’ll return in an extensive storyline focused on The Evils of Erotic Art.

  243. Poteet
    January 31st, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#235): Note to self — in future, remember that MW can always get worse. Always.

  244. Der Schnärkïnätör
    January 31st, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Zits – Wait, did Jeremy’s dad just give him advice on how to bang his new girlfriend? Right in front of Mom too. Nice touch.

  245. Poteet
    January 31st, 2012 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    MW — Whatever Nola wants,
    Nola gets,
    And little man, little Nola wants you!
    Make up your mind to have
    No regrets
    Resign yourself, recline yourself, you’re through!

  246. Droopy Says
    January 31st, 2012 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: I don’t want to see Spiderman go solo. I’m sure it involves a jar of Vaseline and one of those pay-per-view channels that MJ tried to lock out.

    Mock Trail: Did Tommy just invite Trail to help him rob a bank? You know, that plan is just crazy enough to work. The cops will never look for two different teams of funny-talking, clean-cut bank robbers!

    Creepy Les: Oh, goody, Creepy Les has another cheating student to smirk over. Now if Les punished a cheating musician by making her write a song, will he force Owen the comic geek to do a week’s worth of Funky Winkerbean?

    Phantom: Third Tigers should never mouth off to First Tigers.

    The Amusing Spiderman: Wow, all of a sudden the Avengers’ refusal to help Spiderman is put in proportion. They’re still jerks, but at least they forced Spiderman to remember he’s in the superhero business, too. (Geeze, is this arc supposed to be PR for the impending movie? The producers should have paid Lieber and Lee to leave the Avengers out of this.)

  247. Steve
    January 31st, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Luann: Saturday’s racial slur + Tuesday’s assault = hate crime.

  248. Comcis Fan
    January 31st, 2012 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#244):

    Yes, Walt just passed along his fornication tips to Jeremy.

  249. Mr. O'Malley
    January 31st, 2012 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    @Shadrach (#182): I remember Billy Lee Riley talking about red hot girls as late as 1957.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#70): I remember reading that one of the Melbourne papers (The Argus?) starting running The Phantom back in the early days, and because the strips were delivered by ship, they were about 3 weeks behind the US. Since they have maintained continuity ever since, they are still running behind.

  250. Ned Ryerson
    January 31st, 2012 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    Looks like Spiderman is going to have a solo Thor date.

  251. Droopy Says
    January 31st, 2012 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#247): And a hate crime by someone too chicken to do it openly. Nice “accident,” Gunther. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “the worm turns.”

  252. John C Fremont
    January 31st, 2012 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    MT – “He might just make it after aaaaaaall!” (Psst. Throw the Elrod ball in the air, Tommy.)

    Phantom – “Who’s on first?”
    “Tiger”
    “Second base?”
    “Tiger.”
    Etc.

  253. gleeb
    January 31st, 2012 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Sally: Folks here made fun of Owen the Idiot in Smirky Deadlybean for wearing a hat like that, but I’ll bet when she gets to school, Nona takes the damn thing off.

    Slylock: In the left side, the woman doesn’t want the kid damaging a public monument. In the second, she’s an anti-war activist, and doesn’t condone glorifying slaughter.

    ‘bean: Speaking of Owen the Idiot, he’s also a plagiarist, and not even good at it. They must have removed the vendo that sold Cliffs Notes.

    Sam Driver, slave driver!: “Sorry, Sam, but someone has to do the actual legal work in this office.”

  254. True Fable
    January 31st, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#180): Have you SEEN how many of those damn things are spread out on the tables?!

  255. The Ridger
    January 31st, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Luann: I despise Evans and his characterizations by fiat, but any guy who responds to ‘stop that’ with ‘you know you like it’ deserves to have his butt kicked. And while there is no human being on the planet (except Seth and/or Edda) who deserves to be stuck with Gunther, if this arc ends with Quill returning to Australia and Luann with no “boyfriend” material … I shall rejoice. Rosa is an acceptable sacrifice.

  256. Binder's Butter Beans
    January 31st, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#250): Oh, he does that all the time.

    Wait, that’s code for “masturbating over his comic books,” right?

  257. Shrug
    January 31st, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#249):

    “I remember reading that one of the Melbourne papers (The Argus?) starting running The Phantom back in the early days, and because the strips were delivered by ship, they were about 3 weeks behind the US. Since they have maintained continuity ever since, they are still running behind.”

    So, any Australian crook or pirate fearing the Phantom might interfere need only email a colleague in the US and ask what the Phantomo-centric future will be like in three weeks, then plan accordingly?

  258. Bonnie
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    The vixen wore yellow (polyester) complete with camel toe. Brava!

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