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Metal machine music

Apartment 3-G, 2/2/12

I was going to make fun of Dan Diller for having a studio full of primitive, Eisenhower-era electronic equipment, but then I noticed that the UNIVAC I unit in the background seems to have sprouted a mechanical arm between panels one and two. “WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, FLESH-UNITS?” the vacuum-tube-controlled machine barked out, as its deadly new limb dealt out death to all biological life.

Beetle Bailey, 2/2/12

You know, much as I root with varying degrees of subtlety for legacy comics to one day realize that they’re relics and that they should just pack it all in, I admit that it can be hard to come up with a suitably dramatic ending for decades of newspaper comics entertainment. But I think we can all agree that, say, having all of your irritating characters being eaten by bears, one by one, would probably be a good showing.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/2/12

Hmm, it seems Helga has been saying for three years that she asked God to improve her husband ten years ago, which is chronologically confusing. Perhaps instead we are meant to understand that all of Hagar the Horrible takes place in some fractured, Tarantino-esque chronology, where we jump back and forth between different episodes (the castle raid, the shipwreck, etc.) in a non-linear fashion. Thus, assuming this is actually the same incident as the previous strip, my speculation in 2009 that Helga will offer the Nordic pantheon human sacrifices if they would only hear her plea seems to finally be confirmed.

Mary Worth, 2/2/12

Whoa, it looks like Nola isn’t just a sinister sexual she-predator; she’s a master of interpersonal judo as well! Rather than attempting to escape Mary’s meddling powers, she’s instead turned her opponent’s greatest strength into a weakness. All she has to do is ask for tips on bedding every man in the condo complex; Mary, having sworn the Biddy’s Oath to always offer friendly advice, will be forced to aid and abet her reign of erotic terror.

Phantom, 2/2/12

Meanwhile, the Phantom is infiltrating the lair of the Ten Tigers, a sinister Chinese crime syndicate! I’m glad to see that bloodthirsty Asian gangsters use the exact same speakerphone that I’ve seen in every conference room in every bland, low-slung suburban office building I’ve ever been in.

238 responses to “Metal machine music”

  1. Little A.
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    MW: Does a bear
    shit in the woods?

  2. Hibbleton
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    JP: “Hey, I’m thinking of wearing an ascot. What do you think?” “You look like a pansy!” “Ha, ha, just kidding!”

  3. Spiff Bereft
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MW: I believe Nola’s subtle gesture at her glass in the second panel translates as: “Why don’t you get you bony ass over to the bar and meddle me another drink?”

  4. Roy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#2):

    Pigborn‘s use of an ascot the past two days has made me too nauseated and weak to find any humor in your neck cloth related japery, astute as it was.

  5. Roy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#2):

    9CL‘s use of an ascot the past two days has made me too nauseated and weak to find any humor in your neck cloth related japery, astute as it was.

  6. Scott Free
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Apparently the strict sexual mores of the Charterstone tribe dictate that anyone who speaks with the resident whore has to spend the rest of his life with a big sign dangling from his neck.

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    A3G: Dan Diller was frustrated, yes, however his sentient beard was absolutely livid.

  8. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Please, oh please, let umbrellas in the drinks be the Mary Worth equivalent of facial hair in Mark Trail.

  9. LP2004
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: Okay, I’ve heard Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music referred to as the most un-listenable album in the history of popular music. It will quickly drop to second place, however, once this remake with Tommie’s vocals gets released.

  10. Mumblix Grumph
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Sarge…pack up the boys and get the hell out of there, now! You’re bivouacking next to a Pluggers nudist camp! Hurry before Slylock Fox accuses you of stealing something from Baxter Beaver!

  11. wossname
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MT – Panel 4: “I’ll put some propofol-laced birdseed out in the field to get them ready.”

    JP – Panel 4: “I really think you should increase Jim’s monthly bribe.”

    Crank – Um, Rose is going to live in the prison addition, right? Don’t you think she might have some interest in what color it’s painted?

    DT – I love the retro vamp seductress trick of toying with his tie! Nola could take lessons from Wendy.

  12. kwt
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    FW: Oddly enough the only thing that I could think of while reading Funky Winkerbean today was… “Who the hell actually uses the word ‘typeface’?”

  13. gleeb
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Re: Phantom You don’t get to run a huge multi-continental crime empire by spending all your money on office supplies.

  14. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Who needs steak sauce when Sarge already sweats a savory au jus?

  15. Lolsworth
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    “OBSEQUIOUS TIGER weighs in!” may be the best thing a superhero ever said.

  16. AndyL
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    I wouldn’t be angry at Tommie for being late because she had to help save lives at the hospital, but I’d be pretty pissed off if she didn’t call ahead.
    Even if she was in surgery the whole time, she could have asked someone to call, couldn’t she? It’s not the dark ages.

  17. Effluvius Erratus
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    DT: Well, if Dick couldn’t gun down anyone in cold blood, at least he can poison the jury pool.

  18. S. Stout
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Luann: Yeah yeah, on Friday Rosa will kiss Gunther since he is now her hero, and on Saturday he will be unresponsive when Knute talks to him because he’ll be so in love.

    Look, not only is this shit not entertaining and predictable, it tells kids out there that being a cowardly nice guy like Brad and Gunther gets you the girl. Not in the real world, both Dirk and Greaser would have beat the shit out of them. However, some Deus Ex Machina always comes along and saves them (thanks teacher) or the girl inexplicably likes them for no reason whatsoever and saves them from beatings. I read this comic hoping for a realistic ending to a story arc but it always end stupidly, every time.

  19. Little Guy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    The Strength of Ten Tigers: I’ve not up to speed with the current storyline, so I went back and replaced ‘Tiger’ with ‘Smurf’ and adjusted accordingly.

    It works.

    A3G:AJGLU-3000 is HIPAA-compliant?

  20. Tedler
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Wow. That Hagar theory would actually make for a pretty interesting comic.

  21. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Helga’s prayer couldn’t be answered without profound implications for the concept of free will. Foremost: what the hell is compelling me to read this tired crap?

  22. Liam
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Hagar-”I’m sorry but Thor is unavailable to take your prayer at this time as currently away on Earth on business. If you leave your name and prayer request he will answer it as soon as he returns.”

  23. hogenmogen
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    “Obsequious”, “Irksome”. Well, if you can’t throw down punches, Phantom and friends prove they can throw down an awesome command of the English language.

    I’d still prefer seeing an ass kicking.

  24. Rimrock
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    So all the men in A3G look like Paul the jilted groom? Or is Tommie secretly dating him and calling him Rick to throw people off.

  25. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Mary’s a busy woman, Nola. At most, she’s got time to exchange punctuation.

  26. TheDiva
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: Not only is the recording equipment evolving, but the blue bonde-haired woman in panel one somehow becomes a man with headphones in panel two.”

    MW: Poor Nola. She drew the marked paper in the Charterstone Lottery, and now must sacrifice her afternoon to Mary so the rest of the pool party attendees can have a meddle-free day. It isn’t fair, it isn’t right!

    Phantom: Where is the Phantom standing, and how come the Yakuza Stereotype Council doesn’t see him?

    9CL: “That includes my personality, by the way.”

    C’shaft: Actually, they gave her one sample four hundred times and snickered behind her back.

    reFOOB: Because conventions never take place in interesting cities like Las Vegas, San Francisco or Miami, so Elly couldn’t possibly go out and do stuff on her own instead of hanging around next to her husband (which she probably couldn’t do anyway, since tickets to those things are expensive).

    FW: Given some of the stories I’ve heard on this site and elsewhere, I suspect the badly-formatted ripoff job has happened somewhere in real life. And yet even now, I still want to punch Les in the face.

    Luann: It’s a match made in spineless, passive-aggressive heaven.

    MT: “Mark, did you forget something…” “Oh right, the guy who was supposed to be filming all this! My bad.”

    SM: Spider-Man’s plan is to…sit back and do nothing. I am going to have a heart attack and die of not surprise.

  27. mojo
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    MW: Meanwhile, Lawrence walks away thinking, “I can’t believe she just walked up and talked to me! ME! That Nola is soooo easy!”

  28. Stickerz
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    All sentences from here on our will start with OBSEQUIOUS TIGER

  29. hogenmogen
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    FW: At least give Owen some credit for writing the opening paragraph.

  30. Mibbitmaker
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    BBailey: Conan, Dave, etc., can finally end the hateful fat jokes now. Nobody can top this strip that proclaims “fat guys will be eaten eagerly by bears!” Endgame, late night guys! (I like Josh’s theory on this one much better, anyways)

    HtH: Begging God is fine, but bribing God?
    She-e’s going to Hell-ga!
    She-e’s going to Hell-ga!

    CdS, Best Comic in the World: Well, if advertising co-opts and ruin nursery rhymes like they do pop music….

    DtM: Nope, gotta be alliteration. How ’bout — The Furshlugginer Fives?

    Love is… boring everybody online.

    MW: It was the first time anyone ever heard Mary Worth go “Duuuuuuuuuuuuh!” (non-sarcastically, anyway)

    NS: Happy nightmare, kids!

    Feb. 2nd Zits–PCK #3*: “Great” minds, etc., etc.

    *(click sig above, go to #3)

  31. Ellie
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Pretty sure Mary is saying “?” because Nola is suddenly an African American!

  32. anon
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    9CL – quibble: Whatsisname declares he is NOT wearing any layers whatsoever. No layers. Which makes Whatshername all hot and bothered for some reason. He IS SO wearing layers. Presumably he’s wearing underwear, and there is obviously a shirt LAYERED under his sweater.


  33. Bup
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Is Helga that hard to draw that Chris Browne had to re-use her supplicating figure on a new background? Really? How much time did that save?

  34. Big Bad Dave
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    You don’t want to mess with Nola. She’s so voracious she can make cocktail umbrellas in her glass swell to double their size in the space of just one panel.

  35. hogenmogen
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Without any breasts to gawk at, I took a closer look at this strip. Apparently, there are words forming dialogue, and an attempt to carry on some kind of … plot? Who knew, right?

  36. SxSWhistlebritches
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    A bad day for eyes it is in the funny pages. There’s a bear-clops stalking Sarge and Nola suddenly sprouted a bad case of the double lazy eye between panels one and two.

  37. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    I’ve actually always wondered what it’s supposed to sound like when a comics character vocalizes a question mark. In my head, it’s the “wruh?” noise Scooby-Doo makes to express shocked confusion.

  38. hogenmogen
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    BB: All things considered, if I were to have picked one strip on all the comics pages of all the newspapers of the English speaking world, Beetle Bailey actually IS the one that I would choose to feature gay cannibal furries having a barbeque.

  39. Squeak
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    I like the condo rules for alcohol use at the pool parties. Make the drinks available, but serve them with umbrellas wider than the glass – thus making drinking impossible. Brilliant!

  40. Mark B.
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Today we celebrate a rare boob-free day in Judge Parker. Unless you count Sam, which you probably should.

  41. Bootsy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Heavens to Betsy! Look at Lawrence’s face as he walks away from Nola. He looks like he’s zipping up his pants.

  42. Mibbitmaker
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Pop Culture’s Kids # n-n-n-n-n-n-19, 19 — is now up!

    Well, it’s not a comic book story insert in a Sunday Funnies section, but it’ll have to do!

  43. Doctor Handsome
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Obsequious Tiger yields the floor to Vituperative Ocelot.

  44. Swordsmith
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    SS: So I’ve been enjoying the latest storyline, which as with much of SS is decently written and fairly funny. But this one deals with a serious issue, which is to say the ongoing disaster situation in Haiti and the need for tons and tons of houses. By coincidence yesterday I heard Harry Chapin on the radio doing his bit about thanksgiving hunger drives at school, and it got me wondering.

    Somewhere in the neighborhood of 200,000 houses are needed. The group we’re covering in Stone Soup is spending a full year building 500 houses. Meawhile, unemployment is rife in Haiti, 40% or so of the population is utterly jobless.

    Instead of employing Haitians to build the houses they need, we’re sending unskilled Americans to learn how to do the same job, put up very few buildings, and come home as smug as the driver of a Smart Car.

    Seriously, I applaud anyone willing to do this. The Stone Soup duo is dedicating a year of their lives at it. But isn’t it… well, misguided? Wouldn’t it be better to spend that same year in the states working and then donating your income to hire Haitians to do the same job? Or even a tenth of your income? The average wage in Haiti is $730US per year, the average wage in the US is $40,000 per year, one tenth of that would be $4000, enough to employ five and a half locals.

  45. Dono
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    If the text in panel 1 of Mary Worth actually complemented the art:

    Mary: Hello, Nola! How are you?
    Nola: Completely not sexy.

    Mary: Hello, Nola! How are you?
    Nola: I was better before we started sharing a forearm.

    Mary: Hello, Nola! How are you?
    Nola: I’m not sure. What decade is this?

  46. Mibbitmaker
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]


  47. Liam
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    MW-Sorry, Nola, but Toby told me that you are a loose woman who talks openly to married men. I don’t think I can help you.

    A3G-If there was some way Tommie could have reached Dan from the hospital. A type of object that would allow people to communicate instantly with each other that are miles apart. It could be in the shape of handle so people can easily hold it and you speak in one end and hear from the other end. Since there will be lots of these devices each one shall be assigned a specific and you will put in that number on a keypad on the device. It shall be called the Long Distance Communicator.

  48. Marc
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Luann- WAAAAAA!!!! MISS PHELPS!!!! Greaseball is trying to hit me for no good reason!!!

    Funky- Oh my God, just say you understand what you did wrong and get the hell out of there. It’ll spare everyone the pain of having to listen to this douchebag lecture from his hypocritical high horse.

    Mark Trail- Oh how I hope Mark’s “friend” is one of the bank robbers.

    A3G- Oh what another comical misunderstanding this is turning out to be. Oh hahaha. It’s going to be all I can do to keep my sides from splitting. It’s happened before you know.

    Mary Worth- Besides the fact that the umbrella in Nola’s drink is growing at an alarming rate, I’m wondering where all the guests have gone. It seems to have dwindled to a couple of lonely guys, standing by themselves, staring off into a bush.

  49. Liam
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    BB-The sad thing is that Sarge will eat the bears instead of them eating him.

  50. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    ASM -

    Spidey’s workin on his night moves
    Trying to lose his awkward, no-MJ blues
    Workin’ on his night moves
    Where is MaryJane?
    And – oh – the god of thunder
    Saw the lightning
    But he crashed on the couch and missed the thunder
    Missed the thunder!

    He slept last night through the sound of thunder
    “Anyone good on Leno?” he’d sat and wondered
    It was a rerun from from 2002
    Ain’t it funny how the night moves
    When you just don’t seem to have the energy to move
    Funny how the night moves…

  51. Dood
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Ha, ha, Nola’s preparing to launch into a Joan Rivers routine. “Seriously, Mary, can we talk?”

  52. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    FW – All will be forgiven if it is revealed that Les is overcompensating, based on his fear that someone will read the manuscript for his second novel, “Wednesdays with Lisa”, and recognize that it was stolen from an earlier work.

  53. UncleJeff
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Boss Tiger: “Hey, Ghost-Who-Doesn’t-Think-We-See-Him-Standing-In-The-Doorway….when Second Tiger shows up, turn him away for us. And get me a cup of coffee.”

    Swordsmith@44: I caught a bit of Oprah’s interview with Sean Penn in Haiti yesterday. Penn talked about the dependency problem you referred to and showed how his group hired local people to do construction work and food distribution.
    It’s still a big mess down there and DeTorie deserves some credit for reminding people about the issue.
    BTW: Penn was wearing a bandage on his hand.
    Oprah: “I see you have a bandage on your hand, Sean. What happened?”
    Penn: “Ahhhhhhhh, some guy ran into it with his face.”

  54. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    BB- C’mon! That has to be a comment about the strip’s homosexual overcurrent. Sarge is Beetle’s bear. Are we going to get a Twinkie joke featuring Beetle tomorrow?

  55. Illustrator Steve
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MT – (While waiting for the film crew to arive, Mark, Tommy and Butch take a stroll across a “NEAR-BY” field):

    “When he gets here to film we can come to this area where that huge covey of birds lives so Butch can locate them easily.”

    “WOULDN’T that be cheating and not considered very ethical, Mark?”

    “HEY! You want puplicity for your failing dog training business or not?! Besides, they always stage those phony TV documentary shows anyway! And if you think it’s not ethical then you shouldn’t have called me to help you! Hell, before I got here you were ready to rob a bank! And if you are shocked by my lack of ethics then you haven’t been paying enough attention to this comic strip to see what an unethical person Jackelrod has turned me into!”

  56. tb4000
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: I love Greaseball’s new name for Gunther….”Dingle.” It just rolls off the tongue and is so descriptive of him with an ambiguously vulgar tone.

  57. Chip Whittle
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Rather than ask why they don’t find out what color white the person who’s to live in the addition wants–don’t be silly–consider the prospect that they’ll wander over to Loose Parts and get eaten by bears.

    It’s kind of an “eaten by bears” day in the comics, isn’t it?

    Deflocked: So, remind me. What character, if any, are we supposed to like, here?

    Funky Winkerbean: I used to appreciate making the distinction between a typeface and a font and want Les Moore slapped silly, but since I learned Les Moore was on my side, I now hate my old position, except for the part about wanting Les Moore slapped silly.

    But, boy, Owen doesn’t seem to even care that he’s not a Baby Boomer and isn’t doing anything to correct that failing.

    Mandrake: Mother of Mercy, could Mandrake be becoming genre-aware? Or self-aware? Or aware? Well, no, never that.

    Spider-Man: Ah, finally, Peter Parker gets to write off all those years of watching The Weather Channel as superhero work.

    I am banished from Asgard! Tis time we were off to Asgard! Can you imagine what the plots would look like if Stan Lee remembered them?”

  58. hogenmogen
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#47): A3G: I have seen such a device! It was flat, about the size of an index card. There were no buttons. It had a screen with icons that moved when you touch them. There was no handle. Are the keypad and handle part of the new, updated version?

    Seriously, I don’t text. I explain to my friends that I have a new service that allows me to speak text into my cellphone and allows the recipient to respond in realtime via dynamic connectivity. Maybe I didn’t do a good job, because some of them missed the joke. Or, maybe I should count those as successes, hard to say.

  59. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Ten Tiger roster: Obsequious Tiger, Second Tiger, Tony the Tiger, Tony “The Tiger” Russo, Lionel Tiger, Tiger Woods, Tiger!Tiger!, El Tigre Chino, Ty Cobb and Tiger Uppercut.

  60. hogenmogen
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Phantom decides that to hear the intercom better, he needs to get closer.

    Tiger #3: Something stepped on my foot!
    Tiger #6: It’s just Ghost-Who-Hides-Under-the-Table.

    Saturday strip: Phantom is actually sitting in one of the empty seats…
    Phantom thought: If I keep nodding my head in agreement, Tiger #1 will not notice me.

  61. Esther Blodgett
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

  62. Little Blue Bicycle
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary doesn’t understand why Nola wants her to talk to her cocktail, and I don’t either. Maybe there’s a bug in it.

    Hagar: This reminds me of my favorite scene in The Vikings, only Helga instead of Ernest Borgnine will now leap into a pit of wild dogs shouting “Odin!”

  63. Esther Blodgett
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    HtH: Geez, Helga, it’s not as if Hagar has a porn fetish or beats you when he gets liquored up. For a Viking, I’d say brawling-drinking-gambling-stay-out-late is just about a model husband.

    BBailey: Oh, so those are bears. Huh. Go figure.

    A3G: Dan Diller will be thrilled to know Tommie’s going to be a midwife. His Reubens will be extra tender and savory from here on out.

  64. Austria
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    BGSS: I’m not sure why Parson Tuttle is so shocked. That’s pretty much common knowledge. Of course, this is Hootin’ Holler we’re talking about, so maybe the only alcohol around is moonshine.

    BB: Those are just about the least menacing bears I’ve ever seen.

    FW: Okay, we get it, Kids These Days are terrible, idiotic human beings who are addicted to Technology. Can we get back to the cancer, please?

    Luann: Again with the dingle. Gunther’s gonna get slashed. And by “slashed,” I mean…well, you know what I mean. I’m not sure if that would be better or worse than having him pair up with Rosa or Luann. Either way, once he snaps, Goatee McGrease will be the first to go.


  65. Oregonian
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    I met her by the pool where a meddling old fool
    Served up little salmon squares
    And would only let us drink Cherry Cola, C-O-L-A cola

    She walked up to me in a lemon-yellow suit
    And I asked her her name because the paisleys were so cute
    She said Nola, N-O-L-A, Nola, N-N-Nola

    Etc, etc…

  66. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Arlo – Oh, yes. I can’t sleep in the movies any more, either.

    Slylock – “In Case of Emergency, Break Glass” — and the dog will save the day.

    Dick – Don’t just stand there, detective. Take the hint. Light the lady’s pen for her.

    Henry – In a novel variant on “The Gift of the Magi,” Henry works hard — blacking boots, hawking newspapers, carrying a sandwich sign — to buy himself a spiffy cell phone. But only after he gets it does he remember that he doesn’t even listen.

    Judge – Yes, Randy thinks, betraying a flicker of interest, that April certainly has a cute arsenal.

  67. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    love is…@Nudie_Moppet Really dig your marble head, stringy hair, speckled face, isosceles nose and staring black oval eyes. #letsrubdots

    Mark – Yes, the concern etched on the features of this panicked family of quails reminds us that they, too, are a part of nature’s beauty, with lives and families of their own. But fuck ‘em. Where’s my shotgun?

    (By the way, this isn’t the first strip Jack Elrod took over for someone else. See also: The Ryatts.)

    Tarzan – Okay, these are reprints. Okay, Celardo died last month. According to Ansible, though, Celardo drew the strip from 1954 to 1967. Is that how old these reprints are? Will they rerun Russ Manning after they go through Celardo’s run again? (And could we have some of this Celardo art, please?)

  68. Dale
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Whoever writes Luann was never a teenage boy.
    Greaseball’s lines are unworthy of a Mark Trail character.

    Zits – Even if Walt agrees with Shithead, he should have smashed the kid in the face.

  69. Pozzo
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    MW: Ooh, the Charterite in panel one is sporting some serious Moy-Giella bling!

  70. seismic-2
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    If there isn’t a manga-style graphic novel spin-off Obsequious Tiger Vs. Villainous Wolves, then someone at King Features is really dropping the ball.

  71. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#42): Heh. Mom was making secret maps for the government in DC in WW2, so she subscribed to the Chicago paper in order to get the Spirit section every Sunday. She gave them to me a few years before she died. They’re among the few comics I scrupulously store in bags.

    @Mibbitmaker (#46): Story of my life. They’ve been doing Tiger stuff in Phantom for how many months now? And today’s the day I decided to go with a Hobbes joke. [*]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#62): What’s worse than seeing your comment written by someone else? When it just shows up after you hit “preview” and you say to yourself, if only I’d read faster! [*]

  72. teenchy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Luann: More passive-aggressive slap-and-tickle. When is Evans gonna pair up Gunther with his female doppelganger, Bernice?

  73. A different JD
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @anon (#32): I think the joke is supposed to be that “no layers” is to be read as “no underwear.” But as you point out, the shirt collar visible from beneath the sweater kind of undoes the joke.

  74. kingklash
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    3G: It’s not a killing arm, it’s a probing arm. Once the machine learns all it can, only then will the killing arm be deployed.

    MW: I believe Mary’s Meddle-Fu is strong. He advice will work, but in such a way that only she will be able to take advantage of. Its a chance for her to create more peole who need her help.

  75. Liam
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Garfield-When I first read this I didn’t read “homework” and I thought Garfield said “eating kids racket”. I had the image of Odie and Marmaduke working together.

  76. Voshkod
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Tyger, tyger, running late
    To the conference room of hate
    What quite lazy hand and eye
    Did frame thy irksome tardiness?

  77. But What Do I Know?
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    The Ghost Who Irks — Second Tiger? Obsequious Tiger? Is this a powerful crime syndicate or a rehearsal for the Hong Kong revival of Cats?

    Also, +1 to Voshkod!

  78. Dood
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: So, the suave guy in the stripey shirt is an allegorical stand-in for the strip’s creators? Meddle-on, Mary.

  79. Digger
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MW: Nola’s a sharp cookie. She sensed that Mary might start to tell her about the rescue of young Emily Smith, so she wisely steered the conversation in a new direction.

  80. Dood
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Foul! I mean, fowl! Pluggers don’t drive Foob hover-cars.

  81. bunivasal
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    So is it a plot point or racism that all of those dudes in black suits in The Phantom look identical?

    Since it’s the Phantom, my guess is racism.

  82. Swordsmith
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    A3g: How did Diller leave a half hour ago? Tommie was running late. Lets imagine she planned to depart at 10 and it was now 10:10. Nurse Ratchet pulls her aside for a conversation that can’t have taken five minutes. So she’s leaving 15 minutes late. Running late, naturally you cut corners and hurry, so instead of taking 30 minutes to get to her destination, she takes 25. But she’s also planned to leave at 10, and any sensible person would build in at least a ten minute cushion. So now she’s… oh wait, she’s on time. But he left, not a minute ago, but a full half hour ago. And he would have waited at least ten minutes wondering where the hell she was before cutting out. But he also must have planned to meet with her for a half hour or so, and he was meeting her in his studio, so he could certainly have busied himself for that time.

    In short, Dan never actually planned to meet with Tommie, he left an hour before anyone could possibly have expected him to.

    This being Tommie, I don’t really blame him.

  83. Dood
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Can Captain Savarna hone in on that speakerphone’s signal?

  84. kkarenb
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Lots of Groundhog Day-themed comics today. Worst: Non-Sequitur. Best: Mutts.

  85. NoahSnark
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Little A. (#1):

    Yes – especially after the Mary Worth/Beetle Bailey cross over.

  86. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Panel three…….”Bzzzzzzt!!!”…………..”Aaaaaawwroooo???”

  87. btown
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @A different JD (#73): I think the humorlessness of the author/artist also undoes the joke somewhat

  88. Mumblix Grumph
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Second Tiger has shamed his ancestors with his lack of promptness and casual disregard for honor and tradition. For penance he shall NOT receive Fruit Cup!

  89. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#84): I chuckled outright at Non Sequitur, but that’s because I first read it as the groundhog being flung bodily heavenward. When I looked again, it seemed more like a wood chipper gag, and that changed things. Flying groundhog: funny. Flying ground hog: less so.

  90. Irrischano
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    I must commend the writers of Mary Worth for having the sheer decency to use their signatures to prevent any further exposure of that guy’s chest hair.

  91. TheDiva
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#68): I have no doubt that Greg Evans was a teenage boy at some point (mostly because the other option is too disturbing to contemplate). The problem is he never got over being a teenage boy, and continues to indulge in the adolescent wish-fulfillment fantasies a more emotionally developed person would have worked out of their system years ago.

  92. Chyron HR
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann – It’s funny admirable because Gunther physically assaulted another student, and then his girlfriend lied about it to get him off the hook.

  93. Liam
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Little A. (#1):

    Will there be little chunks of Sarge in that shit is the question that should be asked.

  94. gjdodger
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Obsequious Tiger: I wish to apologize for the tardiness of Second Tiger!
    Other Tiger: Indeed. He will be turned away when he arrives!
    Another Tiger: Howard Tiger is right!

  95. Katy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @kwt (#12): I do. Drives me crazy when people say “font” and they mean “typeface.”


  96. Liam
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    MW-Mary, I believe in America. America has made my fortune.

  97. Katy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#43): I love you. I thought I should mention that.

  98. Maggie the Cat
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MW- It’s a good thing panel 2 is only visible from the shoulders up, because being propositioned for advice like that gave Mary a huge boner.

  99. Chip Whittle
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: So with the meddlee seeking out Mary Worth before even any non-Mary-approved behavior has been established, some of the pool party attendees are standing still, smiling in the hope that if they smile somehow even more vacantly than usual enough this inversion of the natural order will have never happened, while others are shuffling helplessly towards the forest primeval, wandering with the aimless gait of a Plugger when the box store hasn’t got any free food samples for dinner today, silently crying out for sense to return to Charterstone.

  100. bats :[
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

  101. kkarenb
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#37): Imagining Mary Worth making that sound makes the strip much more entertaining.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#89): Groundhogs are unbelievably destructive pests, but I wouldn’t wish a wood chipper on them.

    @Irrischano (#90): I noticed the chest hair, too. Is this the first time Giella has drawn chest hair? Is it supposed to signal that the guy has loose morals? Hmm, here’s a question – would Mark Trail punch someone with visible chest hair?

  102. Jasper
    February 2nd, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn- Gunther, the world of coolness, chicks, dating, sex, etc. is not yours. Go back to what you’re good at: being a nerd, making dresses, and beating off. Oh, and enjoy the ass whoopin you are about to receive. I will.

    MW- The two weeks of self gratification in the kidnapping plot has resulted in Mary becoming so sated and overconfident with her meddling prowess that she thinks she can meddle with anyone. Instead of the weak, pathetic losers that she usually focuses her meddling on, she’s now jumped head first into what should be a challenge with the slut Nola. Nola didn’t get into Charterstone on her back alone, Mary, so be careful out there you old bag.

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    been a rough day or two, so I am snarkless.

    leys see if lolcats helps. . . .

    meanwhile, in Charterstone.

    a super-hero version of a famous comics trope.

    a little something for Poteet.

    I .gif you a bebbeh otter playing with keys. (moving brainmush)

    you know that “so kewt that I’m crying” RageFace? I’m making it now.

  104. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#10): Don’t worry, everyone knows Sarge has no interest in beavers.

    @TheDiva (#26): Obtusus mortis is a common side effect of reading Spiderman. And Apartment 3-G. And…

    @tb4000 (#56): The reason “Dingle” seems to just fit Gunther is that it’s a shortened version of “Dingleberry” which describes ol’ Gunt to a T.

  105. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: We interrupt today’s story, “Butch the Blind Dog Gets Mixed Up With Bank Robbers, Somehow,” for a quick lesson in “How to Speak English,” sponsored by Jackelrod’s Outsourced School of English. Tomorrow’s lesson: Dining Out!:
    Mark: Where is the restaurant in this area? I would like to locate the restaurant.
    Tommie: I would like to locate the restaurant also.
    Mark: I think I see the restaurant in the area of that covey of birds.
    Tommie: Maybe Butch can find the restaurant.

  106. Effluvius Erratus
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: For no other reason than it amuses me, I’m going to assume that Nola is an allegorical representation of New Orleans, LA, that most hedonistic of American cities, in conflict with Moralizing Anglos Resenting Your Wanton Orgies and Revels with Tee-totalitarian Hate.

  107. Señor Tortilla
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Is Rick Paul’s brother? They look pretty much identical!

    Arch: OK, this one made me smile.

    9CL: Optimistically, this will end with the clichéd but reasonable “Oh, Gil, you were perfect just the way you were”. While still keeping this theme but being pessimistic, she could dump him, but I’m still wondering if this will end in a clichéd way or completely stupid and unrealistic way.

    DT: “No, Putty Puss did. Now, Dr. Froid, I didn’t kill him per se, but…”

    Luann: It’s looking to be predictable, but the possibility of “Gunther getting his ass handed to him” will be worth the equal conclusion of “Gunther winning Rosa’s heart for no reason”.

    MW: Dang it! Outsnarked by Pozzo (#69) (I was going to remark on the same thing!)

    PBS: Rat as Mr. Rogers is hilarious. I can just imagine him dead-panning the previous strip.

  108. Señor Tortilla
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Personally, if I was a woman and people compared me to Katy Perry or Lady Gaga, I’d be insulted!

  109. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

  110. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

  111. terrapin
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Facetious Leopard walks in, looks around…”Shit! I’m at the wrong meeting!”

    MW: People say a lot of things, Nola. Often for their own amusement.

  112. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#62): A great big cockroach swimming around in the mock Mai Tai. Mary’ll scream like Gunther Berger a little girl and soak her Depends when she sees it.

    @Maggie the Cat (#98): EW.

  113. Emily
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Josh, have you been in LOTS of bland, low-slung suburban office buildings? This is sort of like when Jonathan Coulton sings about all the cubicle jobs he’s had.

  114. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Sorry Yogi and Boo-Boo, the bears that “eat” Sarge are chaps in assless leather chaps at the Ramrod Bar-Camp Swampy.

    Phantom: Which one is Posh Tiger and which is Ginger Tiger?

    Apartment 3-G: Dan Diller gets concerned about his musical protoge because she keeps staring at his crotch and yelling, “It’s crowning! I can see the head!”

  115. Bud
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Mitt Romney tried to fit in to a Flava Flav concern in Mary Worth

  116. The Ridger
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: What’s next, Mark and Tommy? Are you going to plant some cage-raised quail to make sure Butch can find them?

  117. The Rixter of Dibley
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: “?”
    Mary is stunned – this is way, way too easy. Mary becomes suspicious that Nola is up to something. Mary will need to consult her list.

    BG&SS: Watch out, Snuffy, the Parson don’t cotton to those sippin’ ways. You may find yo’sef in the stocks.

    MT: Mark’s in full pre-production mode. “And if there aren’t any birds, we’ll just drop in some animated birds, maybe some of those penguins from Happy Feet.”

    @Swordsmith (#82): So she’s leaving 15 minutes late.
    No, she’s hours late – Nurse Dawkins pulled her into the delivery room for a particularly problematic delivery, hence Tommie’s statement “I got hung up at the hospital.” First day on the job, and already Tommie has learned some mid-wife humor.

  118. Shrug
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#35):

    Also, a day or two ago JUDGE PARKER introducted a new character, this man called “Margaret.” I realize “Margaret” is usually a woman’s name, but no ginormous hooters were visible so in this case she had to have been a guy. How meta is that?

  119. agony
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Helga – try al anon. You can’t change him, but you can change yourself.

  120. Shrug
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @SxSWhistlebritches (#36):

    Reminds me of the dangers of playing the eXtreme Refrigerator Magnets game — it’s all just good fun until someone loses an I.

  121. commodorejohn
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Oh hey! It’s the soulless machine that writes Top 40 hits! Maybe the Auto-Tuner is around here, too?

    A.D. – I laughed.

    DT – The new Dick Tracy has been just full of surprises, but Mick Jagger dressed as Carmen Sandiego is one I could’ve done without, thanks.

    FW – No, Owen. What you did wrong was this: you didn’t stab Les with a pencil the moment you two were alone in the classroom. That was very, very wrong. Please make amends at once.

    JP – The bust of Solon would like to know when this plot is going to pick up the damn pace. He’s been dead for 2500 years, and it’s still moving too slow for him.

    Luann – Wow. I don’t even feel like snarking, this is just pathetic. This is what Evans’s hero fantasy is?

    Mandrake – Lady, Mandrake bewilders stupid land developers and alien game designers. For saving the world, I’d suggest finding an actual superhero, like Sp- like Spid- …no, you know what? Mandrake’s fine.

    MW – I like Lawrence’s goofy-ass grin. “Heh heh, that was the best sexy chatting-up I’ve ever had! Maybe I can get Nola to teach Delilah how to make mildly-ribald small talk!”

    PBS – NO.

    Phantom – “Obsequious Tiger. Heheh, that’s a good one. Oh, I kill me.”

    Popeye – for the love of God DON’T OPEN THAT BATHROBE

    RMMD – I dunno, is Ginger Brittany Does Dallas a kid’s book?

    SF – …this is going to wind up with her getting advice from Ted, isn’t it? Oh dear.

    SM – “My only chance of finding Thor is to sit on my ass indefinitely! To find Thor! Yes! That’s my plan! Not because I’m a lazy good-for-nothing or anything!”

  122. Notebooked
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    I have really nothing to say about the comments today, so I’ll comment on the fact that I discovered Barry Cryer use the same joke after 20 years, both times on guest appearances on Just A Minute. Also, today it snowed. Which was nice.

  123. J.R. Clark
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Is Apartment 3-G set in perpetual 1965? Because that would explain the EMI Abbey Road Studio 2 four-track recording equipment and Luann’s fiance/husband getting shot down over North Vietnam.

  124. Shrug
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Well, he’s willing to hobnob because he’s in between jobs,
    He got a letter from Mark in the mail,
    Mark claims this producer is a friend of his,
    And even a blind dog can sniff quail.

    He’ll do the film without fail ’cause he’s buddies with Trail
    And the scenario majorly rocks,
    Mark claims this producer is a friend of his,
    And even a blind dog can find flocks.

    And the thieves from afar are in their getaway car,
    So we’ll add that plot into the mix,
    Mark claims this producer is a friend of his,
    And even a blind dog can chase chicks.

    He’ll do the film for you
    Though we’ll find it reeks,
    No recompense,
    Don’t ask for sense,
    We’ll be stuck with this plot for weeks.

    Well Tommy wants to train mutts but he’s just such a putz
    “Might as well give it up,” wifey begs,
    Mark claims this producer is a friend of his,
    And even a blind dog can hump legs.

  125. Dood
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Is that the studio where Gail Martin recorded Tarzana Nights?

  126. Government Cheese
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Huh. Ms. Phelps must be one of the most inept school employees I have ever seen. Gunther is the one being manhandled but yet she yells at him. She may not be thinking clearly though as she was probably interrupted from being pleasured by Fogarty in the janitor’s closet.

  127. BobTheBobber
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Pretty sure the Japanese make that brand of speakerphone. Why shouldn’t they have one?

  128. Dood
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: So, the speakerphone is for Telecommuting Tiger?

  129. HvP
    February 2nd, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    To be fair, those speakerphones are probably made in China anyway. Of course, this being a ruthless crime ring they probably smuggled them into their compound by paying off a driver for the company down the street that manufactures them. There will be hell to pay however when they notice that they were intended for the Korean market and all of the menu text is illegible to them.

    “Indeed, he will be turned away when he arrives! Now, how the #%#& do you set the clock on this piece of junk?!?”

  130. Ned Ryerson
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Wait a minute! What happened to Mark’s camera glove?

  131. seismic-2
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#128): The speakerphone is for communicating with their branch in Brussels, the Tintin Tigers.

  132. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    BB: Aw c’mon guys. Don’t you recognize Sarge as a fellow bear? At least give him a “running” start.

    Phantom: “What’s more, when we change secret handshakes I am so not teaching him the new one.”

    FC: By “pilllow” you mean Billy’s ass, right? Just checking.

    9CL: Sweet Jesus, make it stop already.

    6C: You can tell Batiuk didn’t right this because the lady with the furry boots never says “metastasizing.”

    S-M: “Actually this would be prime time to take a nap. The thunder and lightning will wake me up, right?”

    Popeye: Popeye doesn’t realize he’s walked onto the set of a porno that no one will ever, ever want to watch. Really the sensible course of action is to go to the seaside tavern and drink himself to oblivion, then find a new girl when his hangover clears.

    H&J: Well yeah, you put the chocolate cake right next to the dinner plate and that’s gonna happen.

    RWO: The Cowardly Lion jumping into Dorothy’s arms is a nice touch.

    Luann: Does Greasy think he’s dealing with the hero of the Twilight Zone episode “Mr. Dingle, the Strong”? Because Gunther is no Burgess Meredith I’ll tell you what.

    PBS: Sorry, but this satire is seriously misaimed.

    JP: Randy must know something bad is going down because he’s busy wiping all his fingerprints off his office. “I was never here. I was never a judge. I never passed the bar. We’ve never met. Have a nice life, whoever you are.”

    MT: I quote verbatim. “When he gets here, we can come to this area first and maybe butch can locate some birds easily.” And I ask: What language is that exactly? Some of the words almost sound like English.

    GT: Good God, but Justin Bieber is going to be insufferable if his team makes the playdowns.

    C-Shaft: “All I want to do is seal your mother up in a featureless white tomb. Why do they have to make everything so complicated?”

  133. _Liz
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: Sir, don’t look at the camera. god damn extras always breaking the 4th wall.

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#121): It’s a common misconception. Every time Mick dresses up like ex-wife Bianca Jagger people think he’s trying to be Carmen Sandiego.

  135. nightfly
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Lawrence is in such a daze he doesn’t realize Nola has given him a genuine Moy and Giella souvenir shirt to commemorate their sexless tryst. And why does it have lapels and a collar? Because this is a column with a week-long pool party that has no pool and no swimsuits, taking place in a backyard with with no house. Making a damn lick of sense is for chumps and Bloom County. Now go wander off into the forest and tell Lawrence that if the next highball is as weak as this one, I’m jamming this mini-umbrella through his eardrum.

  136. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#128): no. it is probably for Stay-At-Home Tiger, who has to care for the kids while Workaholic Tiger is bringing home the bacon (purchased from Wage Slave Butcher Tiger)

    Oddly enough, Tiger Tiger still has his baseball cap pulled over his eyes and has accomplished very little in his humorless life.

  137. Illustrator Steve
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#105): MT – Good one. It reminds me of the old reading book, “See Jane Run”.
    See Tommy. Tommy has his jacket on an old log.
    See Mark. Mark has no ethics.
    See the blind dog. The blind dog is named Butch.
    See Butch chase the bird. See Butch fall flat on his face.
    See Jackelrod laughing all the way to a NEAR-BY bank in the southern part of the state.

  138. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#26):

    FW: Given some of the stories I’ve heard on this site and elsewhere, I suspect the badly-formatted ripoff job has happened somewhere in real life. And yet even now, I still want to punch Les in the face.

    Oh yes, for sure. Not just varying fonts, but also colour changes, links, and in some cases even footnote numbers that take you directly to the plagiarised page. I detest Funky Winkerbean with a passion, but no matter how stupid he portrays this loser, I guarantee that it can’t strain the bonds of believability.

    Well, it might strain the bonds of believability, but not of reality.

    What puzzles me is why so many of my colleagues believe that the Internet has made their jobs harder when it comes to detecting plagiarism. The fact is, it’s become a cinch.

    As TheDiva pointed out yesterday (@TheDiva (#72)): “Sorry state of the public education system aside, this can only end two ways: Les punishes Owen and is a hypocrite, or Les lets him slide like the rest of his students and is therefore only contributing to the problem. Either way, Christ, what an asshole.”

  139. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#138): And I have no idea why I referred to you in the third person in the above post.

  140. tallyHO
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    The guy’s gonna need therapy after seeing Big Nose

    The arms and terry cloth towel aren’t enough to soften the inferiority complex Popeye will develop.

  141. Illustrator Steve
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#67): Not only did Jack Elrod take over the Ryatts comic strip from Cal Ally, it sppears Elrod also took Cal Ally’s glasses too! (That makes it plain to see how Mark Trail became so unethical and down right VILLIANOUS!)

  142. This Guy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Frustrated is a better word for it. Or maybe ‘pensive.’ Or ‘bemused’. Or ‘constipated’. Honestly, our expressions never change much, so it’s damned hard to tell.”

  143. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @_Liz (#133): Better Unnamed Extra #4 looking straight through that fourth wall at us rather than Mary herself. [shivers]

  144. Cloudbuster
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#126): No, seemed pretty realistic to me. My teenage son was in a school (for about three months before we said “enough of that”) where he was repeatedly bullied, and he was consistently punished as much as the bulliers, because once a physical confrontation started, they simply punished all the participants equally, no matter who initiated the actions.

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#82): Ducking out of meetings while convincing the other person that it’s their fault. I’m pretty sure they teach that in Music Executive 101.

  146. The Wacky Curmudgeon
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    MW – Nola Wolvenson ? Where do they come up with these names. I’m sitting there thinking are they talking about some section of New Orleans called Wolvenson? I guess Nola needs advice on how to stop people from asking her if she’s from New Orleans

    Luann – Bully time – kick his ass Gunther

    RMMD – Sorry honey but Mommy has to go into the bathroom to read this book , you go play while I umm ooohh lol

    Rose is Rose – This strip is gag inducing cutesy and written for the sappy lovey dovey set with kittens doing oh gosh such cute things and babies like Mimi speaking in broken grammar baby talk ,the main couple Rose and Jim swapping spit every other panel and idiotic interludes of the the this type of club like one day it was the snow shovel guards club or the late night garbage moment club .
    Why do I read it , because I can , why do people cry when I comment about it because they are whiney cat loving crybabies who cant take criticism . Like today the annoying little cat goes after the father who is ice skating just to smell his breathe since he ate sardines and theres a little quip at the end about the lengths one must go to for sardine breath. I’m pretty much neutral when it comes to animals I can either like em or hate em depending on how they behave but dogs and cats in comic strips are portrayed annoyingly cute and everything they do is just oh so cute.. GAG. I do like parts of Rose is Rose though but those are usually the ones with Clem or Rose’s alter ego Vicki not the gag inducing baby talk and annoying animals

  147. Cloudbuster
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#121): Luann: Take your pick, either this is his hero fantasy, or the equally passive Brad vs. Ann Eiffel … or TJ vs. Ann Eiffel!!

    Wait. Didn’t Brad once save Toni’s life? I have a hard time believing there was actual heroism involved, but maybe?

  148. But What Do I Know?
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @gjdodger (#94): Good one!

  149. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#138): What puzzles me is why so many of my colleagues believe that the Internet has made their jobs harder when it comes to detecting plagiarism. The fact is, it’s become a cinch.

    No kidding. When I was teaching at a local tech college (where I frustrated both the recruiters and my students by requiring both term papers and presentations), a couple of students and I cooked up a script that would feed papers into Google to see what came back. I understand that a few years later, somebody actually commercialized the approach and sold it to a bunch of universities. I even fed my thesis into such a contraption once, and discovered somebody had plagiarized ME!

  150. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: I don’t mean to be a picky, but turning the water into wine wasn’t a parable! The Good Samaritan was a parable. The Three Sons and the Talents was a parable. There’s a difference, damn it!

  151. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#150): (agrees with Frank, but ducks behind his chair all the same)

  152. Liam
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Mr. Woods didn’t write kids books but he wrote books with lots of kids in them.” (reads on) “Discipline? Naked? With a melon?”

  153. Dale
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#105):

    I keep wondering whether Mark Trail stories are being sold to some outfit that puts together ESL texts.
    >How are you?
    >Very fine thank you please where is the toilet I need to empty my red pencil box.

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#58):

    Maybe I didn’t do a good job, because some of them missed the joke. Or, maybe I should count those as successes, hard to say.

    The second one.

  155. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#149): Another common myth shared among the staff is that having the students hand in hard copy somehow makes plagiarism easier to detect. How, for crying out loud? I can block and copy text from an electronic submission and toss it into Google in about five seconds. With hard copy, I’d have to type it in.

    And in the case of those students so benighted that they actually include footnote links to the source material, a hard copy could never track it down.

    Fact is, I think a lot of teachers are very much like Less: they hate technology on principle, distrust their students, but fail to do anything about it.

  156. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G— Hey Josh, have you priced “primitive” Eisenhower-era home entertainment electronic equipment lately? A purchase of an analog stereo system at your friendly local boutique electronics store can easily set you back $5,000 or more. Tommie’s studio is apparently planning to market her recordings to analog-loving high-end clientele, like Rex Morgan.
    Why Rex? Who is more into “high-end” than Rex?

    The sprouting mechanical arm is scary, though. It could mean that all biological life will end with a boom.

  157. sporknpork
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    So what other crime syndicates/supervillains have business technology contracts with Cisco, if that conference phone design is accurate?

  158. commodorejohn
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#147): Brad’s role in the proceedings consisted solely of being under Toni when she fell off a ladder. Not, you know, being there because he was trying to catch her, he was just behind her on the ladder and she fell on him. That about fits with the level of proactive heroism in Gunther’s actions, I’d say.

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#18):

    Yeah yeah, on Friday Rosa will kiss Gunther since he is now her hero, and on Saturday he will be unresponsive when Knute talks to him because he’ll be so in love.

    And on Monday Knute will be unresponsive when Gunther talks to him because come on now, would you acknowledge Gunther talking to you?

  160. Dood
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: What about Tony the Tiger Tiger? How can this gang be grrrrreat!?

  161. Dale
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#158):

    The way I remember it: Brad was under the ladder but managed to run around and get behind it when Toni sort of jumped backwards from the ladder.

    I still think Brad should have been chastised for risking his own safety by trying to catch a falliing piece of FD equipment. He did get injured and lost time from work.

  162. Shrug
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#158):

    To be fair, my memory differs — that Evans did depict Brad noticing Toni about to fall and deliberately moving to catch her/break her fall. Spring of 2009 or so.

    I realize the thought that Brad may ever have done something positive with his life is a hard one to accept, so maybe we’ve all brain-bleached it away.

  163. Shrug
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#160):

    Also Tigger Tiger, but he may have been kicked out of the meeting for bouncing too much.

  164. Red Greenback
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    That machine in panel one seems to be saying: “Oh, no-o-o-o, not Tommie! She’s going to be mean to me!”

  165. Shrug
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#156):

    “Who is more into “high-end” than Rex?”

    Beetle and/or Sarge?

  166. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#138):

    What puzzles me is why so many of my colleagues believe that the Internet has made their jobs harder when it comes to detecting plagiarism. The fact is, it’s become a cinch.

    Once again, it appears that you and I give the same little speeches to our classes. I do the whole “Google makes it easier to plagiarize, and it makes it much easier for me to catch it.” And then I tell them that my plagiarism-detection skills are so superior that my department once put me in charge of building a plagiarism case against a long-time, tenured professor. And that’s when the students’ eyes get really big, and they look at each other nervously.

    Plagiarism horror stories are fun!

  167. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#131): “I need an outside line… how does this cursed thing work, anyway? I wish Second Tiger was here. He’s Touch-Toney Tiger.”

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#132): I don’t think the PBS strips are satire aimed at Fred Rogers. I think they’re showing how Rat isn’t Fred.

  168. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    MW — This will be a contest for the ages. Will Mary successfully meddle Nola into pastels, or will Nola use her yet-unknown powers to force Mary into loud leopard-like patterns? Stay tuned!

  169. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): That is so cool. What happened to the long-time tenured professor? (I know I’ll probably be disappointed, public-humiliation-in-the-stocks being out of fashion now.)

  170. Poteet
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    PHANTOM — This story reminds me of my old fantasy of organizations that use animal names being required to donate to the conservation/survival of the actual animals.

  171. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#72) said: “Luann: More passive-aggressive slap-and-tickle. When is Evans gonna pair up Gunther with his female doppelganger, Bernice?”

    As I recall, many years ago Gunther and Bernice tried to get together, but utterly failed to connect. Since then, Bernice has shown romantic attraction towards Ben (her half-brother), Luann, and (possibly) Ann Eifel. Thus, Gunther is not attractive to Bernice because he is neither a male relative, nor a female (though he almost qualifies there).

  172. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#167):

    I don’t think the PBS strips are satire aimed at Fred Rogers. I think they’re showing how Rat isn’t Fred.

    On reflection, you’re almost certainly right. I just get a little irritated when PBS – which I ordinarily love – turns into a Rat solo show.

  173. Bitter Scribe
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Would the Beetle Bailey “soldiers,” under a bear attack, even remember that they’re armed and can shoot back?

  174. Der Schnärkïnätör
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Love is…. – Online stalking.

  175. Alison
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#171):
    I haven’t followed “Luann” very closely over the years. Bernice had a thing for her half-brother?! Oh, yuck!…but still not as gross as having a thing for Gunther.

    Speaking of which, today’s strip is moronic, but I actually thought it was going to be a lot worse than it is. At least Greaseball got up and *tried* to kick Gunther’s pudgy little butt. I was sure he would run away crying while Gunther stood there looking smug, so this is an improvement. Of course, we still won’t get to see the most realistic outcome, which would be Greaseball beating up Gunther after school, off school property, where the teachers wouldn’t see/care/either/both. But beggars can’t be choosers.

    Meanwhile, over in Re-FOOBland, I’m not sure if Annie is just being bitchy to Elly (which I approve of) or if the joke is that Elly seriously couldn’t find a sitter for her kids for a couple of days. At this point, weren’t all four grandparents still alive, and didn’t her best friends, Connie and Annie, both live right there in her neighborhood? How hard should it be for Elly to find a sitter, exactly? Not hard! Face it, Elly, everybody just hates your kids and doesn’t wanna get stuck with them, possibly because they all mysteriously have a sixth sense and know what insufferable assholes those kids are going to grow up to be (Mike in particular).

  176. Cloudbuster
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#158): Color me a salmon shade of unsurprised.

  177. Shrug
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#170):

    “This story reminds me of my old fantasy of organizations that use animal names being required to donate to the conservation/survival of the actual animals.”

    This is why I decided not to join the “Smallpox Virus” street gang.

  178. Little Guy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#46): “Maaaaaa! Curtis is being an Obsequious Tiger for no good reason!!!!!

  179. Little Guy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    MG&G: I’d think that, burrowing into reFoob, Grimmy would have a desire to hump Granthony and piss on Rod John.

  180. yaoi huntress earth
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#107): 9CWL: Silly Mudge, don’t you know that Brooke can’t write a young female without eventually turning her into an oversexed nympho who has little to no life outside her man.

  181. Calico
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#178):
    “You stole a friend of mine’s pet Obsequious Tiger!”

  182. Calico
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#179):
    For the great comix switcheroo 4/1 97, the Grimm artist did a Foob parody which was pretty good.

  183. Calico
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]


  184. Brooks
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Well, of course the Phantom’s crime syndicate uses the same Polycom SoundStation phone as everyone else; it’s just that much better than everything else on the market. According to Wikipedia, they’ve sold four million of them.

    And, comments about not becoming “a huge multi-continental crime empire by spending all your money on office supplies” notwithstanding, they’re not cheap — they cost about $400 each. Unless, you know, this is a counterfeit knockoff.

  185. commodorejohn
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Brooks (#184): It’s China, they probably get ‘em factory-direct.

  186. Der Schnärkïnätör
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#118):
    That woman scared the bejeebers out of me! Yikes!!

  187. KreatureFeatures
    February 2nd, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m crossing my fingers that Nola storyline will end in a flurry of drunken cursing that makes Jill at the wedding reception look tame.

  188. Trillian
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Didn’t you get my smoke signal?”

    MW: “I’m actually Amy Winehouse. I faked my death and have come to Charterstone to get a fresh start. I heard about what you did for Emily of Goleta, but if you get any bright ideas about outing me so that you can get another meddle-high, it’s gonna be back to rehab for you. Capisce?”

  189. Der Schnärkïnätör
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#147):

    Wait. Didn’t Brad once save Toni’s life? I have a hard time believing there was actual heroism involved, but maybe?

    If memory serves me right, she fell off of a ladder and on to him while he was holding the ladder.

    Big hero that B-wad!

  190. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): I am so proud of you for nailing a plagiarising prof.

    There is one difference between us, however — I don’t actually give “the speech.”
    I warn them that I’m really good at catching plagiarism, but I give no clue how. I figure, if they’re dumb enough to use Google to cheat, why should I warn them that I can just as easily use it to catch them?

    In the comment section of one “Essay” site, a commenter was worrying that his teacher might find the essay he’d downloaded online. Another commenter scoffed at him saying, “There are over 10,000 essays here. What are the chances your teacher is going to stumble upon this particular one?”

    Yep. Techno-savvy youth.

  191. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    I have to say, I’m loving the Phantom’s riffs on the various tigers, because it’s clear that he finds the whole “Number X Tiger” thing silly. (Yes, I know, pot, kettle.)

    Yesterday he sarcastically addressed one as “Misinformed Tiger,” so after today’s comment, I’m really looking forward to what he calls one of them next.

  192. Anachrosaurus
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Seems weird to write these words, but: there was once a hell of a lot more going on in “Blondie.” What happened to the little man in the pitiless universe theme? In the past 20 years or so, this Dagwood idiot has deliquesced from the sort of hapless quotidian loser that Thurber or Larkin used to write about to a smug, glassy-eyed ass-clown obsessed with food. He loves to eat, we get it already. It’s as if Joyce rewrote Ulysses to be 600 pages of Leopold salivating over his various fried organ-foods. Maybe the laziest legacy strip of all.

  193. Señor Tortilla
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    6C: Misplaced speech balloon time! Is the table saying that? I mean, the lady with the black leggings and furry boots is supposed to be saying that, but the speech balloon is coming from the end table! It’s like the “Talking Crotches” of Mark Trail, only worse!

  194. Cloudbuster
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#191): If the authors really started to embrace the absurdity of the entire strip, it would turn into The Tick.

  195. Zerowolf
    February 2nd, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: Someone has willingly gone to Mary for advice? Isn’t that like going over to Hyacinth Bucket’s in search of a casual dining experience?

  196. Fashion Police
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @anon (#32): We presume that “no layers whatsoever” is Mr. McEldowney’s way for the poor fellow to proudly announce that he is not, in fact, wearing underwear.

    An ascot is merely an affectation, and a silly one at that. We would have been more impressed had he worn knee-breeches and a ruffled jabot.

  197. Fashion Police
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#107):

    9CL: Optimistically, this will end with the clichéd but reasonable “Oh, Gil, you were perfect just the way you were”. While still keeping this theme but being pessimistic, she could dump him, but I’m still wondering if this will end in a clichéd way or completely stupid and unrealistic way.


  198. The Ridger
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#196): Indeed. But I like to think that he’s wearing, not a shirt, but a dickey.

  199. Girl Reporter
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    “It’s holding my interest so far”

    Add that one to the list of things no human being ever says…without getting punched in the nose.

  200. The Ridger
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Mr Woods didn’t write kids’ books.” What’s that got to do with? Sarah must be thirty.

  201. Écureuil Écumant
    February 2nd, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    GA: “I’ll teach you to hide money from me! Why, Imma gonna snatch my head right off and jam it straight up your ass!”

  202. Peanut Gallery
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Brooks (#184): On the other hand, the crime empire gets great deals on their stationery, which is expertly procured by Paper Tiger.

  203. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#175) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#171):
    I haven’t followed “Luann” very closely over the years. Bernice had a thing for her half-brother?!”

    When Ben and Luann appeared to be attracted to one another, Bernice became extremely jealous and did whatever she could to keep them apart. Evans painted himself into a corner with this plot, because Ben was not only a heterosexual male who was attracted to Luann (a big no-no in this strip), but he was also an adult (in the Army), turning Luann into potential jail bait. Evans conveniently solved this problem by having Ben transferred to a distant base just before he could attend a romantic Valentine’s dinner-for-two that Luann had planned. Bernice then asked if she could come to the dinner in Ben’s place. Though Luann was grossed out and said no, they have remained (presumably) platonic friends. The unanswered question is, was Bernice jealous because she might lose Ben, or because she might lose Luann? It’s both, I think. Therein lies the basis for my occasional reference to the “insanely jealous ravenously incestuous bisexual harridan, Bernice”.

  204. JH Pants
    February 2nd, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, but I have to ask, in the first panel of Mary Worth, that man walking away with the far-away look in his eye… Did Nola just give him a hand job?

  205. Mr. O'Malley
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#169): Here’s an example of what can happen (also here). In this case, it was argued that the faculty panel could not give an unbiased decision since the university president knew who they were and could retaliate.

    Some other example cases are found here.

  206. Mr. O'Malley
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#205): Whoops, this link should have gone in too.

  207. Uncle Lumpy
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#156):

    Who is more into “high-end” than Rex?

    I think you mean, “back-end.”

  208. Sgt. Stoned
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Snuff Smif: The biblical “turning water into wine episode” was not a parable.

    MW: Josh, I’m sure you meant bedding every man in the condo, except Wilbur.

  209. Baka Gaijin
    February 2nd, 2012 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#203): When you put it like that, I don’t like Bernice.

  210. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#209): Despite all of that, I still find Bernice strangely interesting.
    Or interestingly strange.

  211. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#205): It’s not the first time a university president has plagiarized his/her dissertation. Check out these posts from a December 2011 CC discussion:

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#153):
    @Alfred E. Neuman (#173):

  212. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 2nd, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#165): @Uncle Lumpy (#207):

    As Rex likes to say, “Point well-taken”.

  213. Alison
    February 3rd, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#203):

    Thanks for the explanation. Boy, that plot is disturbing in every possible way.

  214. This Guy
    February 3rd, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#195): “It’s Bouquet!”
    God, there’s a nightmare image. Mary Worth nattering on about her Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles…

  215. Hei of the Zaraki Company
    February 3rd, 2012 at 1:16 am [Reply]

  216. Hei of the Zaraki Company
    February 3rd, 2012 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#106):

    Comment of the week!

    BTW: For a bunch of ugly, boring people, there is some serious action going on at Charterstone. Must be something in the pool water. Secondly, it’s a pool party, why isn’t anyone swimming? Or did I answer my own question?

  217. Droopy Says
    February 3rd, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Don’t worry about getting there in time, dipstick. Thor can’t go back to Asgard, and he’ll spend a week explaining it to everyone. So you’ve got time to visit some other superschmucks and beg them for help.

    Creepy Les: How long does Batiuk need to prove that stories about idiots are dull?

    Pluggers: Pluggers will buy a lot of crappy CDs instead of one really good one because more is better, right?

    Mandrake the Smudge: No, no, no! In Cthulhu’s name don’t take it off, lady! Not until you get an artist who can draw a human figure!

    Bizarro: Let’s have a big hand for the little lady!

  218. nomuse
    February 3rd, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    A3G: Aw, everyone knows that vintage, retro tube sound is what everyone wants these days.

  219. Fashion Police
    February 3rd, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#198):
    We believe he’s wearing an ascot. No shirt, no dickey. No layers. No dignity. Appallingly lacking in style.

  220. Droopy Says
    February 3rd, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Mock Trail: Okay, Butch can’t hear Tommy but we can. And once again Butch will be left alone with the Homing Jacket while Tommy and Trail go off to do whatever it is they shouldn’t do in the presence of a dog. Okay, I’m repeating my call, the two bandits show up, something something take the jacket for a disguise and Butche follows them something something a witness sees them and identifies them as Trail and Tommy something something a wacky arrest ensues.

  221. Droopy Says
    February 3rd, 2012 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    Bigporn: If a Tooth Fairy collects lost teeth, does a Hair Fairy mean McEc is going bald?

  222. Shadrach
    February 3rd, 2012 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    Luann: Oh thank GOD Rosa didn’t simply fling herself at Gunther, but said she could’ve handled El Bullio himself, and then backed away again when he showed he’s still incapable of manning up and actually talking to her like an emotionally healthy and mature person. Not that this redeems the storyline, but it at least saves it from complete authorial “hnyeh hnyeh this is how I wish my days as a high school nerd had gone hnyeh” fantasy.

  223. Flamedrake
    February 3rd, 2012 at 4:34 am [Reply]

    It’s gotta be the same praying incident. They even have the same drawings! How lazy do you have to be to reuse art in Hagar the Horrible of all things? “Ugh, my easel is all the way on the other side of the room and I might have to sit there for ten minutes and Photoshop is right here. Fuck it, not like anyone’s gonna read it anyway.”

  224. Dale
    February 3rd, 2012 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#220):

    Tommy lets Butch get beyond calling distance and leaves. How does Butch know when to stop sniffing for birds and start sniffing for Tommy’s jacket?
    What is Butch supposed to do if he can’t find the jacket?

    Why didn’t Mark bring Andy on this dog-centric snipe hunt? Surely Andy could show Butch a few things.

  225. John C Fremont
    February 3rd, 2012 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    FC – Uh, oh. Planned Grandparenthood. This is getting edgy. And topical. Almost.

    DT – The Wall of Hats! The Wall of Hats!

    JP – I’ve been thinking about this a lot, which is weird and probably unhealthy, but I’m thinking wossname was right. It was Margaret. Now maybe I can stop thinking about it. Now if someone can help me to stop thinking about Play That Funky Music, White Boy! I can actually begin to heal.

  226. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    9CL: I suppose I’d be a beefwit if, by interpreting Janice’s body language, I took “lay it on me” to be a euphemism for “shove it in me.”

  227. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#225): JP: Only because the idea that it was Margaret is so ludicrous, I must agree with you. Honestly, I thought the idea of April as a hot, sexy international assassin was pretty cool. I was just disappointed that she seemed to be an incompetent, hot, sexy international assassin.

  228. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#227): Anyway, back to my La Femme Nikita, Point of No Return, The Assassin Next Door film festival.

  229. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: “I liked the idea of the Hair Fairy, because this would explain all the hair that gathers under one’s eyelids in the night.”

    Whoa. Read that again. Hair. Gathering under eyelids. The truth is coming out. McEldowney is not in fact human. He is some sort of hairy monster, tormented by his own hirsute nature. This explains some things. Such as how the dialog and behavior of his characters bears little resemblance to those of actual humans.

  230. gleeb
    February 3rd, 2012 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Slylock: That’s not how I remember Breakfast of Champions.

    Biazarro: Shouldn’t she be dead? Or at least very limp?

    ‘bean: First panel: “Owen…” Second panel: “…you’re an idiot.” Third panel: “Gawrsh!” There, now you can all skip Saturday.

    Gas: So, he’s just out of prison and he doesn’t want to change his clothes or eat non-institutional food or fool around with his wife. He wants to go right out and get the loot, with the authorities still curious about what happened to it and probably following him. Way to play it cool, guy.

    One Big: The gag itself is run-of-the-mill, but that is a great spit-take.

  231. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Listen to yourself, Tommie, do you sound like a woman with a passing music?”


  232. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#231): *sigh* Passion, not passing.

  233. Cloudbuster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    MW: I love the dismayed look on Nola’s face in the second panel. She’s thinking, “Oh fuck! I just wanted a 30-second conversation, now I’m stuck having to waste an entire fucking evening with this old biddy when I could be shagging one of the sexy, married men of Charterstone.”

  234. Crankenstank
    February 3rd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Metal Machine Music is actually rather calming, particularly if you listen to it over and over and over. Lester Bangs did a great write-up of it back in the day…wish I could remember where…maybe that’s the whole point of A3G. Once you get through the aggravation, exasperation, the yelling at your morning newspaper, the sense of loss and emptiness, you eventually enter a state of blissful satori where nothingness takes its rightful place substituting for the unobtainable, mortal dead end of desire.

  235. Crankenstank
    February 3rd, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Polycoms don’t kill people. People using Polycoms kill people.

  236. merry pookster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Anyone else notice that the last 2 months of daily/Sunday strips up to and including today have all taken place over a 24 hour period ?

  237. LanceThruster
    February 3rd, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    MW – Why does Mary’s face most always have that look like she’s clenching as if she doesn’t trust her Depends[tm] (now available in new colorful pink!)?

  238. MWDG
    February 4th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: My heart goes out to Nola. We all know she didn’t want to be stuck talking to an old urine drenched hag like Mary. Now poor Nola is trying to weasel out of a free meal at Mary’s condo.

    I can just imagine the night of the dinner …. Mary comes to the door with some F ed up casserole that you would be ashamed to give the raccoons that rustle through your garbage each night. Perhaps the casserole will contain raccoon meat?

    Nola trying to swallow this food will be gagging from the odors that permeate every centimeter of Mary’s disgusting condo. She will notice Mary’s dandruff floating off her head into the casserole as she serves it. Mary’s breath a mixture of dentures, tuna and Jeff will add to the stomach turning horror that is dinner at Mary’s.

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