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Mary turns to the dark side (of not being relentlessly judgmental)

Apartment 3-G, 2/18/12

Nina appears to be trying an advanced variation on the “smoke yourself thin” technique. Remember, everyone, a low baby birth weight means fewer stretch marks and shorter labor for you! And a host of health problems and cognitive deficits for the baby, but, whatever, let’s focus on the important things here.

Mary Worth, 2/18/12

Ha ha, Toby’s eyes are little pinpoints of rage and disbelief in the second panel. “‘Unhappy childhood?’ Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve spent most of my adulthood married to Ian Cameron, but you give me a 20-minute lecture if I use the wrong fork.”

Pluggers, 2/18/12

Pluggers know that dwelling on how old you are is no way to steer the conversation to a desperate drunken hookup that might stave away the loneliness for a little while.

102 responses to “Mary turns to the dark side (of not being relentlessly judgmental)”

  1. AndyG
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    I have a hard time believing that a Plugger would wear a tweed blazer with leather elbow patches. Seems pretty…elitist. But he’s got the prerequisite plate of jalapeno poppers and highball of Metamucil, so maybe not.

  2. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    “relentlessly”

  3. Katie
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Toby realizes she’s going to have to hand Mary’s debit card to some shady meth dealer again. It’s the only way the woman can be made tolerable without cutting the brake line on some drunk’s car.

  4. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Mark: We’ve got to meet the camera crew and tell them what happened!
    Talking Quail: I thought they were coming here!
    Mark: What?
    TQ: The camera crew. You said they were coming here. A couple hours ago. Before you two assholes left that blind dog here again!
    Mark: Well, they were coming here, but now we have to go meet them!
    TQ: So your plan was to leave Butch here, go eat breakfast, come back here, leave again to meet the camera crew, so you could bring them back here?
    Mark: Well,
    Tommy: Mark, we’ll meet your friend and bring him back here!
    TQ: Why didn’t you just meet the crew and bring them here?
    Talking Quail 2: And why aren’t either of you worthless pricks even talking about looking for that dog, who may I remind you is blind?
    TQ: And why come back here, the one part of the whole goddamed forest that you actually know for sure Butch is not in?
    Tommy: Maybe Butch will show up before we return!
    TQ2: (singsong voice) Maybe Butch will show up…God, you are pathetic! Tommy, of all the dog trainers in the world, you are without a doubt the worst! The whole of your so-called training consists of taking that poor blind dog out in the woods and leaving him, you stupid son of a bitch! If I were only a little bigger, I’d peck your damn head off!

  5. bats :[
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Josh and I seem to be on the same page, laughing at Toby’s ridiculous marriage, but soon all is forgiven and the close camaraderie between Mary and her plays on.

  6. cartooncritic2544
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @AndyG (#1): I have a hard time believing that a Plugger would wear a tweed blazer with leather elbow patches. Seems pretty…elitist.

    Go to any midwestern or northeastern collegetown in the US and you’ll see liberal pluggers dressed exactly like that. Remember: Baby Boomers are in their fifties and sixties now making them the actual Plugger demographic these days.

  7. debussy fields
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    MW–With all this pointing going on, it makes you wonder what someone who can’t read would think is being said:
    Mary–Are you the one who flung that shit up on the ceiling?
    Toby–What?!
    Mary–Oh, dear. Now it’s fallen into my coffee cup.
    Toby–That’s not mine, Mary. When I threw shit before, I threw it at the wall over there.

  8. Liam
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Huge” is good. We would also use titanic, monumental, gigantic, colossal, and gargantuan.

  9. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#2): So is that a spelling error, or a grammar error? One the one hand, you could say it was spelling, because the world should be relentlessly and not relentless, and was missing the -ly. On the other hand, relentless is a perfectly fine word correctly spelled, but is the adjectival form when what is required here is the adverbial form, so it is a grammatical error. On the third hand, perhaps we should just call it a typo, and be done with it. No need to be a grammar-Nazi dick about it.

    Whoa! Almost godwinned myself!

  10. Chyron HR
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers Classics, spotlighting the readers of the St. Paul Pioneer Press–both of them!

  11. Ursula
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I love Nina. Let’s hope for more stuff like today- horrifying Tommie and all of the moralizing masses! Until we come up with a better way of reproducing, (egg-laying anyone?), women have a right to kvetch about the inequities and discomforts of the current process.
    Whoops. Just a comic strip. Just a comic strip.

  12. bats :[
    February 18th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Nope, Josh is right — ridiculing Toby’s marriage IS more fun…

  13. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#8):
    …or brobdingnagian, elephantine, stupendous, big as a house, mountainous, pantagruelian, monstrous, dinotherian, or hippopotamic.

    // Oh, I love it when you talk thesaurus! It’s my favorite dinosaur.

    @bats :[ (#5): Out of the ballpark!

  14. commodorejohn
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G – …what the hell am I watching?

    Archie – I do not want to think about this.

    BS – Why do 90% of the dogs in Ballard Street look like they’re possessed by the Devil on coke?

    DT – For a moment I thought that was a pull-tab can, and I was like “what, they still make those?” Then I realized it was pointing the wrong direction, and actually Thunderchild is just so much of a slob that he can’t be bothered to press the tab back down after opening.

    FC – Judging by the bleary-eyed pawing at the nearest shoulder, I’m guessing “lounge lizard.”

    FW – Oh, I wonder what kind of humiliating, debilitating tragedy Maddie’s just been doomed to?

    JP – “We need Steve! He’s the only man in this strip with a sex drive, maybe he’ll understand what this is all about!”

    Luann – That’s not what Charlie Brown’s shirt looks like!

    MW – Nice necromancer’s robe there, Tobey. But if you’re hoping to bring Mary under your thrall, give it up – she’s gotta be like a level 80 master lich.

    PBS – Waaaaitaminute…this is turning into a veiled commentary on something, isn’t it?

    RMMD – “What do you mean? I’m Rex Morgan, dammit! I’m the main character! Why shouldn’t I be showered with everybody’s every worldly possession?”

    SF – Damn. You gotta be pretty confident in your relationship before trying that line…

    SM – Wait, seriously, Spidey? That’s what you’ve got for snark? You couldn’t even come up with a specific joke?

  15. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#2): It’s healed itself! A miracle!

  16. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#9): because the world should be

    word!

    // Good thing I’m not a… one of those.

  17. Smokehouse
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or is Toby face extremely fish-like in panel one? You should know your animal impressions won’t even register with Mary when she’s in mid-meddle!

  18. Nekrotzar
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    …and just a single episode of binge drinking could save you a ton on college tuition payments.

  19. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#9): I’m good with “typo.”

  20. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Nina is turning out to be every bit the unfit mother we could hope. In fact if I were Margo I’d be watching my back. If Nina Thereses away from her husband and baby she could always fill in 3-G’s “brunette sociopath” slot, should there somehow be a vacancy.

    S4th: “Okay, Princess Leia’s out. How about backdoor?”
    “Deal.”

    Popeye: Human babies that can walk, talk, and zip up their slacks. Thinking about Popeye is as brain-hurting an experience as ever.

    Archie: The hot new trend is t-shirts that make your torso look like its vomiting. I know it’s a rerun, but this could still work as a Gil Thorp storyline.

    WofI: A single gal at the bars meets all kinds of creeps with all sorts of hangups, but Bung’s CPA fetish just about beats all.

    DT: The plastic surgery addicted wrestler thinks he can break Dick Tracy in two. His delusions will work out bad for him, fun for us.

    SSmith: You mean rabbit stew isn’t the whole point of the garden?

    C-Shaft: One, “seducted” isn’t a word. Two, if it were a word, it wouldn’t be a word I’d want to hear applied to or coming from Crankshaft.

    RMMD: Oh dear. Rex is sweating so profusely that the shoe polish in his hair is running down his face.

    JP: Randy and Sam speculate in the parking garage over “that woman” was “for real.” I salute their self discipline in not actually saying “nice tuck job, honey” to Monique’s face.

  21. Poteet
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#4): Three huge cheers for the talking quail. And it’s generous of them not to complain about what the color monkeys did to them.

  22. Trillian
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Perhaps Nina could simply arrange to have her entire world be portrayed only from chest-level up. That way, no one can even tell she is pregnant (or fat) at all.

    This strip makes no sense, case #973: Nina went from blonde to her natural brunette. This was, I think, supposed to tip off astute readers to her pregnancy, because pregnant women often go back to their natural hair color. But, why do they do this? It’s to protect the baby from repeated exposure to the chemicals in hair dye, which may or may not do harm to the unborn. That implies that the mother wants to do the best for her unborn child. So, Nina cares enough to forgo being blonde for the baby, but she is smoking, which has been SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN to harm the unborn, because she’s “feeling fat”. Never mind that she can smoke all she wants, and the only one who is losing any weight is the baby…because she is not fat, she is freaking filled with fetus. Did she ever see a pregnant woman before? Or are they all squirreled away to South Dakota in this strip? Unfortunately (for the baby), Nina’s dealing with Tommie. Perhaps a Nurse Margo who would be able to slap Nina with some “You’re gonna be a mother now, so grow the fuck up!”

  23. Poteet
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    MW — *Groan* I thought we had safely dodged a flashback about Nola’s past. But now I suspect it still looms ahead, after this pointless discussion. Keep the Scotch handy while following MW, that’s my motto.

  24. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (y54):

    Goodness gracious! The CC has been Godwinned three times in one thread!

    Well, you play with dynamite, you’re gonna get blown up. Ask Wile E.

  25. Poteet
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G — So it’s actually a bad idea to get pregnant when you really don’t want a baby and the only reason you got pregnant is because your husband insisted. Huh. I’ll make a note of that.

  26. btown
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    MW:Toby looks like she’s about to regurgitate an alien in panel 1

  27. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19): Ok, I’ll put you down for the third hand. Good choice. First hand is always too expensive, second hand is cheesy, but third hand, well now you’re talking groovy.

  28. Red Greenback
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    No doubt Chicken Lady’s oldest grandson is going to Perdue.

  29. Baka Gaijin
    February 18th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#8): Add “Plugger-sized” to that list.

    @bats :[ (#12): It’s better than “my little haggis.” Isn’t it?

    @commodorejohn (#14) on Mary Worth: “Level 80 master lich.” I don’t know what a “lich” is but I know what a “bitch” is.

    @Poteet (#23): I’m waiting to see what Nola dredges up from the depths of her memories. It’s be great if there’s a repressed memory involving a priest. Ooh, ooh, even better: the repressed memory concerns a white-haired biddy.

    @Red Greenback (#28): You are going to fry for that. Maybe fricassee.

  30. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#28): No doubt Chicken Lady’s oldest grandson is going to Perdue.

    Where he excels and eventually becomes a full professor. It takes a tough university to make a tenured chicken.

  31. Snowshoecat
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G- the last time we read about a woman having a baby to “please” her husband, he wound up married to Lizard Breath Patterson. At least we get to see things from the surrogate’s perspective this time.

  32. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

  33. sporknpork
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Farmers, lock up your chickens! The dog’s on the prowl tonight!

  34. commodorejohn
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

  35. Baka Gaijin
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#34): Thaaat’s about right.

  36. Liam
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Why the hell am I talking to you? I came to this reunion to talk to people I haven’t seen since high school not to talk to someone I’m married to.

    Sally Forth-Ted’s other fantasy is tucking it back and dancing to “Goodbye Lonely Horses”.

  37. This Guy
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Oh, I get it. Since Nina doesn’t want a baby, she’s jamming every available toxin into her body until “Whoops, miscarriage! So sorry, dear.”

  38. John C Fremont
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    I know I’m a few hours late, but thanks for passing along the note from Dingo’s mom. Very much appreciated.

  39. Liam
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Nina, have you considered alcohol. It is a much more preferred vice than smoking.

  40. NoahSnark
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Forget lying about your age, real Pluggers know how hard it is to pretend you actually graduated when you attend your high school reunion.

  41. Rixternalities
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#20): A3G: Nina is turning out to be every bit the unfit mother we could hope.
    Yeah, and that is only her self-induced/self-indulgent irresponsible behavior. There are all these other delightful dreadful possible complications: preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, hemorrhoids. Things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

    C-Shaft: One, “seducted” isn’t a word.
    Maybe he meant “sedated.” Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.

  42. Rixternalities
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#14): FW – Oh, I wonder what kind of humiliating, debilitating tragedy Maddie’s just been doomed to?
    Permanent hat hair.

  43. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19): I’m good with “typo.”

    Me too. It’s practice that does it. I sometimes manage to get in several typos before breakfast.

  44. sporknpork
    February 18th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mary Worth was inspired by the artist looking at her left hand while pointing.

  45. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rixternalities (#41): C-Shaft: One, “seducted” isn’t a word.
    The OED disagrees, with citations from 1490 and 1773. It does say that it is Obs. rare, but you’d have to be somniculous if you weren’t aware that that status can change. Like if a major cartoonist were to use the word. Oh, if you are somniculous, just head to a vendo and have yourself a nice caffeinated beverage.

  46. Liam
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    MW-Yes, Nola was denied when her father witnessed a mob killing and her family was forced to enter the Witness Protection Program forcing her to leave her first love.

  47. Écureuil Écumant
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @45, if it was Obs. rare in 1490 that actually says Crank is in a better state of preservation than we credited him with.

    However, I think “subducted” is the proper term of art here. Noplace more appropriate for Crank than at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, caught in the grinder of clashing continental plates.

  48. Squeak
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Nola privately confesses feelings of inadequacies to Mary, and Mary blabs it all to Toby. Mary must have had an unhappy childhood.

  49. ByJove
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#28):

    No, he’s going to Cluck U.

  50. Écureuil Écumant
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Love Is: Counting the number of days until you get to uncaulk your ass crack.

  51. Droopy Says
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#14): SM – Wait, seriously, Spidey? That’s what you’ve got for snark? You couldn’t even come up with a specific joke?

    He could have recycled the words of a long-ago critic: “It’s like Wagnerian opera. The show begins at six-thirty, and when you look at your watch a couple of hours later, it’s a quarter to seven.”

  52. Anonymous
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G This week’s special guest writer: Steven King! “I only smoke when I feel fat. But if someone really pisses me off, that’s when the fires start…”

    MW “That’s no excuse for bad behavior and you know it. STRIKE ONE, Mary”

    MT I can’t imagine how disappointed that film crew is going be when there’s no blind dog for them to shoot. On the other hand, they can probably just make an equally exciting film about a mute squirrel or a depressed groundhog instead.

  53. pugfuggly
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#52): damnit, that was me…

  54. pugfuggly
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#51):

    “It’s like Wagnerian opera….I assume. That’s what that bugs bunny cartoon was about, right?”

  55. Peanut Gallery
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#28), @A Smirch Unheeded (#30): A hearty groan/applause to you both!

  56. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G— Next week’s strips, today!

    Monday— Nina decides that she is dissatisfied with the image provided by the sonogram, and that from now on, she will have a weekly neonatal abdominal CT, with contrast, to get a better picture.

    Tuesday— Nina describes how she keeps her abdominal muscles in shape by taking body blows while sparring at the local boxing club.

    Wednesday— Nina tells how she deals with morning sickness using the miracle drug, thalidomide.

    Thursday— Nina confesses to Tommie that since she got pregnant, she can achieve sexual gratification only by using a vibrator with the optional uterine probe.

    Friday— Nina plans to spend the weekend at the local amusement park driving bumper cars.

  57. Rixternalities
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#45): …just head to a vendo and have yourself a nice caffeinated beverage.
    Alas, the vendos were pulled out of the schools, probably to keep the students away from the caffeinated beverages.

  58. Liam
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-From where I stand it looks like a guy being denied entry into a club.

    MT-Hey Mark until Butch returns how would you like to play Butch?

  59. Crankenstank
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: oh, we’re now talking about an entirely different blue pill than the last couple of types that have come up recently.

  60. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#28) said: “No doubt Chicken Lady’s oldest grandson is going to Perdue.”

    Where he is a basketball star. He will be drafted by Denver’s NBA team and become a Nugget.

  61. Peanut Gallery
    February 18th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#Y32): Shortly after BG’s epoch-making “visit” is concluded, a new count will start. “It’s now been 2 days since Barney Google last appeared in the strip that bears his name…” ;-)

  62. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#61): I’m already working on the Java script for that.

  63. Brent
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G: There is a certain irony or something in Tommie telling Nina not to smoke, since – back in the olden days of the strip when the art was good, the Professor was obviously Greek, and LuAn was the widow of a Vietnam War pilot not a War On Terror pilot – Tommie was herself a worshipper of the demon To-Bac-Co. Do as I say not what I do (or did).

  64. TheDiva
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Which of the Pluggers is lying about their age here? Conventional non-Plugger wisdom suggests it’s the dog man, but we all know Pluggers have an innate distrust of anything and anyone that is not at least a half-century old. I think chicken lady is lying about having grandkids in order to seem more impressive to her fellow alumni, in the same way a non-Plugger might brag about having a better job or nicer car than he actually does.

  65. AdamCerious
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Now if you’ll excuse me, Mary, I’ve got to practice my ZZ Top routine. A-how-how-how-how.”

  66. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#60):

    @Red Greenback (#28) said: “No doubt Chicken Lady’s oldest grandson is going to Perdue.”

    Where he is a basketball star. He will be drafted by Denver’s NBA team and become a Nugget.

    But the NBA players go out on strike, and he is reviled as a scab when he agrees to work for chickenf… no.

    I just can’t. That’s just too chickensh … No NO NO. Must resist.

  67. John C Fremont
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#60): Not me. When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University.

  68. Yusaku777
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or is Toby in the second panel actually pointing at herself in the first panel? “That’s not excuse for bad behavior. Just look at how I’m practically yelling at you there. …please don’t punish me, Mary, I’ve seen how wrong I was.”

  69. Yusaku777
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    ###Grah, can’t delete the previous entry with a spelling error, please disregard.###

    Is it just me, or is Toby in the second panel actually pointing at herself in the first panel? “That’s no excuse for bad behavior. Just look at how I’m practically yelling at you there. …please don’t punish me, Mary, I’ve seen how wrong I was.”

  70. Sequitur
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Yusaku777 (#69): It’s almost like deja va all over again.

  71. Sequitur
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Yusaku777 (#69): It’s almost like deja vu all over again.

  72. Digger
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    The Plugger reunion makes we wonder what the students were like at Plugger High. At that time in their lives, were they all healthy athletic, vibrant creatures? Or was it just a school full of morbidly obese dogs and saggy-breasted chickens?

  73. demoncat
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    mw toby is shocked and anger that some one might have finaly proven a match for Marys powers and its not her .

  74. Sequitur
    February 18th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @Digger (#72): That could mean that Pluggers do not age.

    THEY COULD BE AROUND FOREVER!

  75. Anonymous
    February 18th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G – …What, nothing about the theraputic benefits of meth….

    MW – Who’da thunk – Medlin’ Mar’ gives us a lesson on penis envy….

    Pluggers – If this is pluggers, I’m guessing the obscured banner reveals that this is about the 10 ann. reunion….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  76. Droopy Says
    February 18th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#54): “Kill the spider! . . . Kill the spider!” Even the classics need the occasional updating.

  77. Fred Wertham Jr.
    February 18th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Mary has been taking a lot of guff lately–first from Nola, now from Toby. It’s only a matter of time until she snaps and meddles the fuck out of somebody.

  78. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 18th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#y56): Actually, your stories are a fine tribute to Dingo! (Check ‘em out, folks—they’re inventive, funny, and sexy.)

    Congrats to the float-folk, and thanks, Josh and Uncle Lumpy, for posting the lovely note from Dingo’s mom.

  79. Tilaney
    February 18th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Trillian (#22): I’d say Nina went back to her “natural” brunette (blue black – really?) not because she doesn’t want to harm the baby but because she doesn’t want them to see how “fat” she is.

  80. Zerowolf
    February 18th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Judge Tatas: Real or not? Saline or Silicone? So many questions in need of a thorough investigation.

  81. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 18th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#80): Real or not? Saline or Silicone?
    As I understand it, they’re drawn with a pen.

  82. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 18th, 2012 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    (or a brush)

  83. golf clap
    February 18th, 2012 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

  84. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 18th, 2012 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @golf clap (#83): Thanks. I’m hoping for a joint COTW nomination with Red – it’s a synergy thing.

  85. tallyHO
    February 18th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    I think we are being punked.
    Nina’s lines must be photoshopped in. Apartment 3G is fake comic strip. It is just clip art with wise crackery inserted in old, pre-owned word balloons.

    There’s no way Nina can be so apathetic. Sure, Good Neighbor Nola, of Mary Worth fame, is similar. But, obviously, “Mary Worth” is drawn with the dedication that only years of drawing people from the waist up can be crafted. Contrarily, A3G is drawn from the tits up and its focus and dedication shows through like the saddest wet thick, polyester t-shirt contest ever witnessed by Modern Drunken Man.

    Obviously, Apt. 3G is just a devilish mash up.

  86. wm tanksley
    February 19th, 2012 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    “Is it just me, or is Toby face extremely fish-like in panel one?”

    That would be pretty painful — but it’s actually a shout-out to the webcomic “Basic Instructions”. That’s one of his iconic poses.

    Or so I’d like to think.

    -Wm

  87. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 19th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#66) said: “But the NBA players go out on strike, and he is reviled as a scab when he agrees to work for chickenf… no.

    I just can’t. That’s just too chickensh … No NO NO. Must resist.”

    I hear ya. I thought about writing, “Although he played on the wing, he was no Larry Bird, because he was always in fowl trouble.”, but I could never post anything like that.

  88. Trillian
    February 19th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Brent (#63): @This Guy (#37): Why doesn’t she just have an abortion? “Make it look like an accident.”

  89. Spiff Bereft
    February 19th, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Nina, do you smoke?”
    “Only when my husband makes me role-play as Bettie Page, so, pretty
    much constantly.”

  90. Trillian
    February 19th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Whoops…got two quotes in there somehow! See, accidents happen!

  91. seismic-2
    February 19th, 2012 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    SM: Why do I feel like I’m trapped in a Wagnerian opera? On a scale of great art, Spiderman is Das Rheinironpyrite.

  92. Droopy Says
    February 19th, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Loki strikes! Okay, he pickets, with a sign that reads “Faster arcs! Less idiocy!”

    FW: Ah, geek love, matched by geek morality. Is there some reason why Muddy McHair and the Gray-haired Virgin would object to . . . never mind, reason doesn’t apply here.

    Prince Valiant: Okay, have the golem wrap a fist around a huge boulder, which will keep him from pulling his arm out of the cave. Then build a fire under him, turning his clay solid. Then the locals can get rich by selling clay sculptures of the golem to tourists.

    Pluggers: Alligator crocs? Whether real or synthetic, that ought to creep out the new lizards on the block.

  93. tallyHO
    February 19th, 2012 at 2:33 am [Reply]

  94. ElkMeadow
    February 19th, 2012 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Prince Valian While the Golem is asleep, go erase the letters off of his forehead. Then he just returns to clay. It’s how it’s always done.

    Nice time trip back through the various monsters, though.

  95. tallyHO
    February 19th, 2012 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s
    “Dennis the Menace”:
    Panel one:

    Yes, it could be worse, Joey. You could grow up and become possessed by a Keebler elf and become obsessed with finding someone who will accept your challenge for a gunslinger’s duel.

    Yes, it could be worse.
    Slylock Fox
    Just once, I’d like to see a suspect found innocent, especially when the suspect lives in suspicious, creepy trailer. I want to see Slylock fly off the handle all apopleptic-like because the real culprit is a non-sentient animal. That’s when we see how the Fox metes out his brand of red-haired, furious justice.

    Mary Worth
    What will make Nola happy?
    Mary, playing “Unchained Meddling”

    Tiger
    ConfusedUs says:
    “He who punishes imaginary bullies is himself a bully”

    Mutts
    Dear Diary,
    It’s been over ten years now.
    The missing punchline watch continues…..
    I fear I will succumb to becoming a Plugger before I either smirk or chortle. God help me if I find myself guffawing. If that should happen upon reading “Mutts” then I may not be sound enough to know that senility has settled in.

    Hagar the Horrible
    See today’s “Tiger”

    Gasoline Alley
    See above on senilty….Santa takes a holiday to celebrate presidents’ day. With puns. And, with rudolph, in bathing trunks.

  96. Dale
    February 19th, 2012 at 3:39 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail‘s movie-maker friend is going to show up with a CREW?
    Based on one phone call. Who’s paying for this?
    Tommy’s wife will not be amused at having to feed them.
    For added tension, Kelly will be in the party.

  97. Mr. O'Malley
    February 19th, 2012 at 5:44 am [Reply]

    Nice cephalopods, Real Mark Trail.

  98. Doctor Handsome
    February 19th, 2012 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    Pluggers love a high school reunion because it’s an open bar within walking distance of where they live.

  99. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    February 19th, 2012 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    A former co-worker smoked during pregnancy and lied about the dates of her cycles (before pregnancy) so baby would be smaller than normal. She was a horrible person, just petty and rude. So this A3G plot is irritating me in very special, reminiscent ways.

  100. greghousesgf
    February 20th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#6): Liberal pluggers? do they exist?

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