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Death becomes them

Funky Winkerbean and For Better Or For Worse, 10/3/07

OK, so how would you rather go out?

  • In your favorite chair, looking out at the beautiful day, with your beloved wife nearby?
  • Being lead through some vast, empty void by some dude with a deeply cheesy tails/Phantom of the Opera get-up?

This may not quite a fair comparison — after all, with Grandpa Jim, we’re lingering on this side of the veil. Perhaps after reaping Lisa, Masky McDeath is going to stop by Millborough to pick up Jim’s soul as well. Lisa’s attempts to make conversation as they travel to the next plane of existence will be met only with inappropriate curse words and bellows of “BOXCAR!”

Apartment 3-G, 10/3/07

Wow, it’s Tommie time again! I can’t believe we’re spending time with America’s dullest redhead when we could be watching Margo screw and/or eviscerate Eric or Lu Ann … do … whatever it is … holy cats, I’m more up on Tommie’s storyline than Lu Ann’s! That’s real bad news for Ms. Powers right there.

Anyhoo, hep cat Gary seems to have taken the object of his affection to the hottest, swingingest, tie-and-jacket-requiredest, whitest big band club in all of Manhattan! Or, more succinctly, he’s seems to have taken her to 1955.

Blondie, 10/3/07

I have to admit that I really enjoyed this Blondie. Leaving aside the question of where exactly Dagwood and Herb are walking in this sprawling, car-oriented exurban landscape (in their work clothes, no less), you have to at least assume that they’re going to the same place. So Herb must have suddenly and angrily taken an alternate route between panels two and three, possibly dashing across the neighbors’ lawns, his shoes and pants cuffs quickly muddying. It’s all worth it to teach that damn Bumstead a lesson via pneumonia. Even his freaky hair antennae are drooping.

Hagar the Horrible, 10/3/07

“Or, since he’s a Viking chief, he sometimes kills them, enslaves their wives and children, seizes all of their valuable, and then burns their villages to the ground! Say, brother, you probably have some nice stuff in that monastery of yours, don’t you?”

685 responses to “Death becomes them”

  1. gh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD

    So Rex got a hardy from his dad and now wants to give one to Niki. Break the cycle, Rex! Get help!

    (WT)DT

    “It was a failed terrorist attack on America’s governmental institutions” sounds like they tried to pass campaign finance reform, not blow up the [Margo]ing Rotunda. Hey, Dick. See that “governmental institution” in the background? Stick it you know where.

    Any action in FOOB today?

  2. Barry
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    That’s better. And strange, since this newest post was put up while I was hitting the ‘comment’ button.

  3. Mek
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    I find it a little ironic that a death in FOOB is coincidentally timed alongside Lisa’s death in FW.

    I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but hmmm… makes me wonder.

  4. Barry
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Also, I’ve been to Lindisfarne. You’d have to be nuts to raid it. I’ve never been so cold in my life. Small wonder they all drink mead like it’s water.

  5. Chloe The Cat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Masky McDeath bwahhhhh

  6. Hysterical Woman
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    I’m glad Jim’s dead. He’s escaped the freeze.

  7. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Has she seen Mr. Phantom before? Because she just says “Oh… it’s time?” rather than “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? Get out of my white void! I want to talk about leaves!”

  8. Lynngineering
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: You know, just re-reading it here, it seems really odd that Elly has to call her father “my dad” to Michael. It’s like distancing him even further from the next generation – “my dad”, not your grandad…

    There’s never been any need to differentiate to her husband, whats-his-name’s dad… so doesn’t Michael recall the family tree? It just shows again a very stiff, not really worked-through feeling of the language for a death-strip. I still say it wasn’t planned well, or Jim is just asleep, what others have mentioned “spent” in front of the tv…

  9. Gal Friday
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Wow, Masky McDeath came on a Wednesday! Shouldn’t he come on a Sunday–isn’t that “sweeps” time in comicsville?

  10. Little A.
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Well, maybe the next comic death will be GA Walt. I think he’s already about 110 years old.

    Also, I must say something on Jim Foob’s behalf: rest in peace. I know that a lot of you curmudgers have been sneering at him, making fun of his chin, etc., making fun of Iris etc. But in my opinion, Walt was a likeable, sympthetic character, one of the best in this strip (and I don’t say that sarcastically). Let’s let him rest in peace.

  11. Justafoob
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    He’s dead Jim. (not to be confused with He’s dead, Jim.)

  12. Gal Friday
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    S-M: Hey, Spiderman didn’t pay the cabbie!

  13. cheech wizard
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    “I didn’t miss the leaves…”

    Yes, you did! You went blind! You can’t see them! What’s the point of sticking around for the leaves to change color if you can’t see them!?!?!

    The leaves are turning yellow and falling, just like Lisa. Only they won’t be going to Central Park…

  14. D.A.Pennington
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Masky McDeath?
    The guy is Marcel Marceau who just died recently.

    He’ll take Lisa and they’ll mime “walking against the wind” all the way to the pearly gates.

  15. Pozzo
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Josh –

    I think you mean “led” through some vast, empt void.

  16. Pozzo
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    I’ve been looking forward to the FOOB/Cancerbean slap-down. Now we have to up the ante. I say Mr. Dinkel and the marching band invade Canada, with only 4-Evah and Eva standing between FOOBville and total annihilation.

  17. Lynny M
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    On a serious note, I kind of have to commend what’s going on in Funky Winkerbean. All the controversy aside, I find that Lisa’s death is being expressed in a very artistic and, believe it or not, enjoyable manner.

    I write a lot of fanfiction, and when it comes to spiritual matters such as death or “coming of age” or what have you, I like to be very liberal in my use of spectres or spirits or representations of that particular thing; that is, “Mr. Phantom of the Opera Death Guy.”

    It’s harder to express that kind of thing in a daily comic. I must stand up for my beliefs when I say that Batiuk (sp?) is using a technique that I really can associate with and appreciate. Say what you will, but Lisa’s experience with death is well done, despite being depressing as hell.

    And speaking of death:

    FOOB: Re: Grandpa Jim’s demise. “See you in hell, you bastard.”

  18. Wirrrn
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Funky Winterbean: Fourth Panel- she hurls her beau at the Trim Reaper and screams: ‘No! I want to live! Take him instead! Taaaake hiiiim!”

    For Better or For Worse:
    If Grandpa Jim does the trademark creepy-assed FBOFW animated eye-blinky at the end of *this* strip, I’ll be in my cellar nailing boards over the doors and windows

  19. Lettuce
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    I’m so stoked that, when you die, you go to that perverted party from “Eyes Wide Shut.” It’s so much better than winding up on that creepy Pan Am plane from “2001: A Space Oddessy” which is what my Rabbi told me.

  20. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    True Fable has once again slipped under the radar into the Foobville Coffee Talk! He even calls his beloved Lynnie “darlin’.” Truman, who are you bribing up in Foobville? Or are they asleep? Waytago!

  21. cheech wizard
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    As Lisa crosses into the void, the first spirit she encounters is the late Parisean waiter they stiffed 20 years ago, still demanding his tip.

  22. Anna Nimity
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    20. Ack! That was me.

  23. dreadedcandiru2
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Check out the Coffee Talk Blog on Lynn’s homepage for today: TrueFable got on (his name and writing style being a dead [sorry about that] giveaway) as well as your Humble Servant (Paul J., Saint John, NB) and another member (Molly S., Halifax [fairest1]) of the LiveJournal Foob Snarking Crew.

  24. Barry339
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Archie: It has finally happened. Savage cuts to the Riverdale School District’s budget has forced the cafeteria to serve Malt-O-Meal every day for lunch.

  25. DarkSir
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I’ve seen this comic before. I’m positive it’s in a Blondie book that I had in the early 80s, when I was a kid.

    FBoFW: If she’s really killing him off, it’s the bitchiest thing I’ve ever seen someone do. After nearly a MONTH of flashback strips, let’s kill Jim off the DAY BEFORE the highly publicized planned death of Lisa Moore.

    Re Gal-Friday: (S-M) No, the cabbie said they left his fare…

  26. jules
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    I’m going to work the phrase “Masky McDeath” into as many conversations as possible from now on. Josh, my family and friends thank you!

  27. marah
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    jesus christ, funky winkerbean. i’ve been following this whole story. try to explain it to anyone else who doesn’t read comics. it’s just so morbid, and not “life goes on/uplifting” at all.

  28. Dr. Shrinker
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Re: Deadly Cancerbean:

    Despite the apparent calm of her words, the sight of the guy from Phantom of the Opera has clearly unnerved her. Her (imaginary) hair has puffed up like a Jiffy Pop.

  29. gh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    #227 [yesteryesterthread] bats :[

    Jeez! Not only have you given up your amateur status, that’s good enough to get you your own line of Nike shoes. The Snark™!

  30. sully
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Something tells me the long-awaited croaking of Gramps won’t be met with the same outpouring of grief that Farley’s passing did. On the bright side, Iris is back on the dating scene.

  31. Lettuce
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    I’m so stoked that, when you die, you go to that perverted party from “Eyes Wide Shut.” It’s so much better than winding up on that creepy Pan Am plane from “2001: A Space Odyssey” which is what my Rabbi told me.

    Yes, this is the same as #19, I just had to fix the typo. Just had to.

    Fooby PS: I think the message from FBOFW and FW is the same: All that rehab and hard work to overcome illness is totally futile. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.”

  32. Maughta
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Oh Gawd, now we’re gonna have dueling funerals. Oy, the bathos!

  33. odinthor
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MW — Gaaaah! Something I thought should happen to a character in Mary Worth is actually happening!!!?!! Dawn is getting a clue!!!!!!?!!!??!!!!! My brain . . . exploding . . . gaaaahhhhhhhh . . . .

  34. Lettuce
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    #24: Darksir: No kidding! Especially when Funky Winkerbean goes so heavily for the For Better or for Worse vibe. If this were an issue people got up in arms about, I’d totally be up in arms about it.

  35. Uncle Lumpy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean

    In a town in Ohio, a lady got sick.
    It wasn’t her first time, and progress was quick.
    She died at her home in her bed and her hat
    And that’s pretty much all you can say about that.

    * * *

    “Hey there, Summer — it’s Mom! Gosh, already sixteen!
    “Guess it’s time for our video birthday routine!
    “I’m sure that you’ve wondered sometimes as you’ve grown –
    “How your Mother could leave you and Dad all alone.”

    “Well, I never was free to choose how to behave
    “On the line that was drawn from my crib to my grave.
    “My life had three rules, and the first was this dictum:
    No matter what happens, make Lisa the victim!

    “So my Mother and Dad gave me poor self-respect;
    “I got pregnant by Frankie from Big Walnut Tech,
    “I got cancer, got better, the cancer came back —
    “Enter Lisa. Cue suffering. Cut! Fade to black.”

    “But the second commandment was crueler still:
    Never let little Lisa show any free will!
    “So when Doc mixed my charts up and probably killed me
    “I sat there and smiled — and her office still billed me!”

    “I didn’t report her, switch doctors, or sue –
    “All the things that a lawyer like me ought to do.
    “To every fresh horror, I’d nod and agree –
    “All my life was just something that happened to me.”

    “The last of my rules offered no consolation:
    Accept every setback with grim resignation.
    “So I gave up my dreams and all hope of success –
    “Circumscribed my horizons and settled for Les.”

    “When I toddled off gently into that good night
    “And swallowed my rage at the death of the light,
    “If you felt I abandoned my daughter that day,
    “Please forgive me: my character’s written that way.”

    “I know what they say, and I know that it’s true:
    “I lived like a doormat, and died like one too.
    “But before you go calling your Mom a disgrace,
    “Have a word with the bastard who’s running this place!”

    * * *
    In a town in Ohio, a lady got sick.
    And not for the first time, so progress was quick.
    She died at her home in her bed and her hat
    And that’s pretty much all you can say about that.

  36. dreadedcandiru2
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Ah, well. Let’s hope Batiuk makes less a botch of his death storyline than the lady stealing his action.

  37. Kate
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    #18, Wirrrn: “Trim Reaper”! I love you!

    I am *so* *glad* that Lynn is giving Batiuk the finger. I imagine him wailing like a bride: “It’s MY special day! MY DAY!”

  38. gh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #34 Uncle Lumpy –

    That is a withering, thousand-yard stare through the gaping hole where Batiuk’s heart should be. You’ve got him pinned and wriggling. Masterful!

  39. Kate
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #34, Uncle Lumpy: I love *you.* My God, what scansion.

  40. Jeff Fecke
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Boxcar? Boxcar!!!!

  41. JamesinMaine
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT: Holy crap, but did this duck storyline fail to deliver or what? Instead of righteous fisticuffs, we have to listen to Homer wax nostalgic for the love that could have been.

    I guess Mark isn’t going to say it, so I will: Listen up, Homer. This pity party is going to end badly if you don’t pull it together and DO SOMETHING about the BASS in the LAKE! That strange sound you hear is the Jaws music starting to swell. If even one duckling gets eaten, there is no way in hell that your ex-wife is ever coming back to you, making a bad storyline even more pointless. OK? Time to man up, get a knife and go diving for bass. Seriously.

  42. Kate
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    I return to earth with a bump: Damn it, Mary Worth, if you don’t teach the comics-reading youth of America the correct use of the subjunctive, who will?!?!

  43. D'oh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    I didn’t read Cancy Cancerbean much before this site. I was wondering, does Batuik have a character named Sammy Maudlin? Cos… that would be perfect.

  44. Little Guy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Jim’s becomes a zombie. Next month: World War FOOB!

    Does Funky Cancercancer have it’s own non-cancer ‘special’ person to take on Shan…….

    (Is she dead yet?)

    …non?

  45. Shortpacked
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I like to believe that Jim is the mime who shows up in Funky Winkerbean. If Lisa gets to look like her younger, non-cancercancer self in the astral plane, why shouldn’t Jim’s spector represent his time spent decades ago with the silent performance arts on the River Siene?

  46. Mek
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Ya’know, I’ve had some time to think about FW:

    Sure, it might be easy -and fun- to take the piss out of Batuik for the storyline and being overall morbid, but I really do have a silent respect for him and this storyline.

    About 11 years ago, a beloved family friend passed away from colon cancer. I was about 10 at the time -and it was on my birthday, no less- and I wasn’t there to see her last hours, but it was still a hot lance through the stomach when my mother picked me up from school -in tears- and told me.

    That’s really why I’ve been with FW the last few months. In a way, it kinda reminds me of what our friend -and her friends and my parents in Les’ role- must have gone through. I know that’s really corny, but there ya’ go.

    So when I see Batuik at Mid-Ohio-Con next month -yes, he’s going to be there- I’m going to tell him ‘thank you’ for this story and having the stones to do it.

  47. poppinjay
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    When I saw Dead Jim and thought about what was going on in the Funkiverse, I thought, “oh no she di’int!” On the day Batiuk reaches his zenith in depression with the death of Lisa, SPROING! were back to the Jim story line, and he’s dead. Tom must have muscled Lynn out of a primo parking spot at a cartoonists convention a few years back, or perhaps at the therapist’s office.

  48. crappe!
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Didn’t Lynn Johnston say she wasn’t going to kill anyone off after going hybrid? Or am I imagining (hoping) that?

  49. Rebochan
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Wow, not every day that two people cack off on the funny pages.

    Dare I hope that I see read that little Billy has been run over by a car and Garfield’s kidneys have failed when I open tomorrow’s paper?

  50. Trotzenbonnie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    I shaved my head and started sucking on a lolly so maybe that’s why I’m having a Kojak moment right now and I apologize if anyone else has mentioned this but….
    Am I the only one curious as to why Robin is looking so infantile in today’s strip? He just started to speak in complete sentences and now he’s straddling a hip and chewing on Teddy’s ear again?
    Dismissed as chance? I think not.
    This cartoon has been tucked away for awhile if you ask me.
    Time for my Cheerios!

  51. The Great Ka-Floopa Gush
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Isn’t one of Blondie’s recurring gags that Herb is always borrowing Dagwood’s tools and not returning them? He sure got huffy once the shoe was on the other foot.

  52. DarkSir
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    #49: Think she added the cape to teddy, just to make it kinda current?

  53. Krazy Kat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    FOOB- Lynn J said she’s tired of taking all the crap you people are handing out so Gwanpa Jim is coming back as a Zombie.

  54. Krazy Kat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Funky-Come on, you know Batuik can’t just let her go quietly. Tomorrow her ‘spirit guide’ will remove his mask and tails to reveal:
    Lisa: “Oh, is it time”
    Death Dude “Yep” (removes mask and tails to reveal horns and a tail)
    Lisa: “S**T!!”

  55. sonneta
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    A3G- I admit I don’t usually follow this comic… Has Lu Ann even had a storyline since the great near-suffocation? The last time I remember seeing her was the Back-From-The-Hospital gathering.

  56. B
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    I like the implication that Jim has been dead for hours or days, possibly even weeks, and nobody noticed until just now.

  57. Dennis Jimenez
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Frankly, I don’t read FW, but I’m still hoping that Marcel and Lisa both end up trapped in the invisible cube for all eternity. Yeah, I’m a real jerk – but Marcel’s got a huge karmic score to settle.

  58. Sal Paradise
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    GT : In the Gil Thorp world, it takes 2 people to use The Google.

    “Try Seymour Butts”

    “Try Heywood Jablowmie.”

  59. Plinko Commie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    The man leading Lisa to the next world unmasks to reveal … the devil! The ROBOT DEVIL! How appalingly ironic!

    The timing of Mr. Death Bringing Guy was odd. A Wednesday? Don’t you usually draw it out for the week and pay out on Saturday? At least that’s how they did it in Doonesbury for that old broad whose name escapes me, but called everyone perfect dears.

    Killing off Jim now provides little, other than an unintentional symbiosis with Cancer Cancercancer. Except I guess they’ll use his passing to hammer us with a litany of Gwampa Chinnuts strips, since they’ll be in a reminicing mood and they’re in recycle freeze mode anyway.

    Theory: Elly called Jim “my dad” to Michael instead of “Grampa” as her indirect way of informing him that he was adopted. Book must not have done as well as first hoped.

    Poor Michael and Liz and April. No more grandparents. Except, you know, for John’s parents, who apparently crossed over the line into unpersondom for not being Pattersons. Maybe Jim’s will reveals that he’s actually John’s biological father as well, thus putting an incestuous bow on the coma fantasy.

    Either of these strips could have used the Death Cat.

  60. Sal Paradise
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    19 : FW: I believe she gets to live if she knows the password : “Fidelio”.

  61. Mariko
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    #8–I see your point, but I’m not sure that I agree. I mean, when my mom talks about my late grandfather, she often refers to him as “Dad,” not as “Pops,” (the name by which my brother, my cousins, and I used to call him). She’ll usually clarify and say that she was talking about Pops, but we know who she’s talking about.

    And #17, I have to agree with you. I was one of the people who didn’t like how Batiuk was handling Lisa’s death, but my mind has really been changed.

  62. ralph
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    It’s a death duel between two of the worst cartoonists in the History of. Please, please, knock FW off the page, FBoFW! Imagine the sentimental blurge that is going to overload the FBoFW site and distract attention from the FW machine, which is already hawking a book with Lisa’s torture and the disdain by her creator.
    And hurray, well done, Uncle Lumpy.

  63. Anna Nimity
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    FOOB and FW Deathathon: Although I haven’t enjoyed either the Lisa-is-dying or the Jim-declines-from-his-stroke storylines, I am rather annoyed that FOOB has once again “trumped” the competition. FW takes weeks to show the intimate suffering and gritty realities of dying from cancer, and the imperfections of her family and friends in dealing with it. Not exactly what I want to read in the comics, but at least some kind of attempt to make it real.

    Yet in the Fantasy Foobiverse, everyone is perfect. Jim is cared for by his devoted (although self-absorbed) family. No one’s worrying about all the bills for his rehab and those nurses that Jim got to lust over (ew, ew, and ew again.) There’s no unfinished business, no regrets, and hardly any tears (“Iris! You’re crying?!!”) In the end, Jim dies gently, peacefully, in his favorite chair. Sigh. No one does anything as well as the Pattersons. The point seems to be that everyone else’s life just plain sucks in comparison. And I find that a really tiresome message.

    At least FW puts a more human, imperfect face on death and dying, and one that includes struggle, regret, suffering and attempts at closure. It sucks to lose someone from cancer; it’s not easy and it’s not pretty. But there is a certain grace in surviving the struggle, getting through the deep dark emotional stuff, and moving on. FOOB just sails through it all with a miminum of emotion, and a glossed-over sense of loss. Super Teddy one day, Dead Granpa the next. A quick funeral and then back to Life With Michael. The triumph of the trite.

    Again, not stuff I really want to read in the “funny” papers, but I give FW snaps for dealing with all the imperfect, unfunny aspects of illness and death.

  64. jiggscasey
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Does the presence of Les mean that he came near to crossing over. I think there is a twist that there was a horrible car accident and Les is paralized and nearly dies. We didn’t need cancer to kill that woman. It was a drunk driver and that drunk driver was Les.

  65. Amy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Loved the poem, Uncle Lumpy!

    I have to admit I’ve been emotionally caught up in the FW, Lisa death, but the sudden FOOB death I could care less about.

    On a brighter note, today’s Marmaduke made me laugh out loud….that huge dog moonwalking….oversized paws wobbling every which way…too funny!

  66. Walt-o-Rama
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Man, is Gasoline Alley going to get in on this dying game?

    Bye Walt.

    Take Crankshaft with ya.

  67. Marion Delgado
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Peter Parker’s secret is safe. No one could ever believe the TV-addicted lazy crybaby Peter Parker is the Amazing Spider-Man – he has ‘fanboy’ written all over him. Comparative slothfullness of a spider to the rescue!

  68. Keg of Curd
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    How would I rather go? Well, assuming a comic-related demise, I want it to involve Cassandra Cat and sudden heart failure.

  69. Plugmein
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    You know you are a plugger when death shows up in the guise of Marcel Marceau.

  70. Allie Cat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    FOOB – CRAAAP! Lynn pulls this crap whenever I have to go out of town with limited internet access.

    There is SO MUCH to snark about and I’m going to miss it.

    Anyone know which paper(s) in NYC carry the best funnies? I’m from Nashville, where we have two “choices”, and neither of them are any good.

  71. Krazy Kat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Dang-Sorry #43 Little Guy!
    This thread filled up so fast I didn’t have time to read your post before I stuck my own snark in!

    What a day-For Death!

  72. El Santo
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Wow, Death in the Funkyverse is … Tuxedo Mask?

    Frankly, I’d rather be lead to the afterlife by a cute 20-something goth chick.

    And now I’ve exhausted all of my geek points. Continue.

  73. Plus a constant
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    58. Plinko — The Robot Devil? That’s not ironic! It’s just awesome.

  74. D.A.Pennington
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    ***Other Comic strip characters impending demises***

    Marmaduke 10/18/2007: Cause – Put to sleep. Owners moving to an apartment that doesn’t allow pets.

    Beetle Bailey 10/30/2007: Cause – Killed by IED in Iraq.

    Garfield 11/02/2007: Cause – Coronary due to high fat diet of Lasagna.

    Mary Worth 11/03/2007: Cause: Natural causes due to old age.

    Mark Trail 11/07/2007: Cause: Mauled by a bear.

    Monty: 01/20/2008: Cause: Severe rectal bleeding/blood loss after anal probe from Mr. Pi.

    Hagar The Horrible 02/04/2008: Cause: Plague caught after raping/pillaging from a village suffering from Black Death.

  75. Plinko Commie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    62 — One thing I’ll say in (relative) defense of FOOB is that there’s a difference between the slow death of a young, once-vibrant woman and the slow death of someone who even in a perfect world wouldn’t be long for the fight. Plus FW is so versed in showing depressing stuff that they’d have home-court advantage.

    I honestly don’t know what the point of stringing out Gwampa’s demise was. It’s not that they taught a lesson hamhandedly (Shan … non the Supertard, the Noble and Great People of the First Nations), it’s that they didn’t try to teach one at all. Everyone pretty much did their own thing, which may well be the natural reaction for some people facing the passing of an elder, and heaven knows we’ll get a smackful of “OH BOO HOO I SHOULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIM IF ONLY I HAD KNOWN AN 80-SOMETHING PERSON WHO SUFFERED A DEHIBILITATING STROKE MIGHT DIE SOON” strips. But Gwampa dying is sad, and we can’t have that in our frozen, perfect Patterworld.

    10 bucks says Anthony is wearing something important of Gwampa’s when they have their Precious Memories wedding.

  76. jayjaybear
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    At least that’s how they did it in Doonesbury for that old broad whose name escapes me, but called everyone perfect dears.

    That was Congresswoman Lacey Davenport.

  77. Krazy Kat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    FOOB-Gwanpa Jim is not dead–he’s dreamin about the harem girls again and Iris has just walked up and noticed the ginormous tent he’s pitched!
    Her response: “JIM!!!”

    PS-Hey, Dean Booth-get busy! The harvest time has arrived!

  78. Loopina
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    They will do it every time.

    When one comic strip starts to gather some press outside the normal channels, i.e. Lisa dying…. all the other strips will jump on in, ala Jimbo taking the big prime rib nap.

    Next, we will find Jeffy hanging in the garage (who did it Ida Know — but we suspect Billy)

    Rose od’ed on some crank from her alter Biker-chick.

    TJ and Brad both dead of AIDS.

    Toni Daytona beaten to death by Dirk.

    Zebra finally eaten by Croc.

    Spiderman squashed by MaryJane.

    Margo electrocuted in a weird dildo accident.

    Mark Trail shot by a hunter.

    Rex Morgan garrotted by June.

    The King guillotined by the peasants of ID.

    Marmaduke and Heathcliffe put down together in a suicide pact.

    Mary Worth gets drunk and flies off the cliff at Aldo Canyon.

    and so it goes…

  79. Sal Paradise
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    S-M: A cab driver who apologizes?! What kind of crazy sci-fi / fantasy universe is this?

  80. Kate
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    #74, Plinko — Yeah, when I got married last year I was wearing a ring of my great-grandmother’s. But she died before I was born. I hadn’t neglected her for years and then gotten all sentimental.

  81. fishmorgjp
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Perhaps Grandpa Jim will now become an insubstantial spectre for a few weeks… walking around the rest of the cast, yelling, gesturing, trying to get someone to notice him.

  82. DrBear
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow: A truck driver is killed after running head-on into Marmaduke.

    Lynn HAD to do this at the last second. The timing is too perfect. The only way it could have been more obvious would have been for the Missus to be reading Funky Carcinoma to Jim, then turn and notice he’d died to avoid all the depression.

  83. El Santo
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Also, about Jim: he might not be dead yet. I have the unfortunate experience of being near two stroke victims: my girlfriend and my dad. My girlfriend’s dad had a massive stroke one day where he was paralyzed for everything but the eyes. In the hospital he was only able to communicate by blinking “Yes” or “No.” He died a year later in transit between hospitals.

    My own father wasn’t so lucky. He suffered a massive heart attack and was declared to be nearly brain dead. He was in the hospital for a month before the doctors declared that he no longer had any brain function worth saving.

    I have to give credit for Lynn: her portrayal of Jim’s stroke condition has been true to life so far. And as much as it will bring back some sad memories, I think that if she wanted this to be as accurate as possible, Jim should be whisked away to the hospital and allowed to linger for a short time longer.

    And yeah, I do agree that the circumstances of where the family found Jim are extremely cushy. Neither my father nor my girlfriend’s were to be found in such plush settings when their final attacks happened.

  84. Digital Sextant
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    74: Maybe the lesson will be about probate and wills. Now that Jim is dead, Iris gets all his stuff. When she dies, her kids, not his, will inherit.

    Michael will go home today and stare forlornly at his mortgage bill.

  85. Toonhead
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    MW Giella tries to be cinematic in his compositions only to be thwarted by the King Features colorbotHere’s how to do cinematic

    What the hell is that on Dawn’s shoulder?

  86. dimestore lipstick
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy–
    ….thud.
    That’s me passing out, struck down by your utter brilliance and always-impeccable scansion.

    There is no greater pleasure for me than reading a really good poem. And when medium and message meet so seamlessly as that, it is a Really Good Poem.

  87. Never teh Bride
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Egads, I’m so freaking depressed now…

  88. Dean Booth
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    #76 K Kat. Yes, the comics are calling me today, “Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!” I just wish I wasn’t getting such a loud call from my real job, “Debug your code! Debug your code!” But I was able to sneak one in this morning before leaving for work.

    FW: Is It Time?

  89. cheech wizard
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    65/ Walt-O-Rama – GA had its chance to do in Walt last winter with the Old Comics home and dind’t – so don’t look for the haunted house to claim Skeezix.

    However, I’m surprised that no one has noticed that Mark Trail is also getting in on Death Week, as the catfish and bass gobble up Shirley’s brood as Lenny looks on in horror.

    Maybe a bunch of cartoonists got together to coordinate their strips for Death Week, sort of like they sometimes do for April Fool’s. Coming up: Mr Wilson finally throttles Dennis, Marmaduke gets hit by a cement truck, Billy’s grandma joins her unsettling late spouse, it turns out the cat really did off Zeeba, and another minor character bites the dust in Doonesbury.

  90. Plinko Commie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Hidden final panel in FOOB:

    Iris:*on phone* Elly? It’s your dad! Come quick! And bring more of that prime rib!”

  91. Sal Paradise
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    83: I just assumed it was Wilbur drool.

  92. Sal Paradise
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Archie : Careful with that joke, fellas. It’s an antique.

  93. smacky
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    I assumed that when Grandpa died, Iris would be buried alive with him. Y’know, to continue doing in the afterlife what she’d been doing on Earth: Taking care of all of Jim’s needs with absolutely no help from other family members.

  94. Kate
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    #86, Dean Booth, that made me so happy.

  95. CoolJerk
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Re: Funky Winkerbean –

    Isn’t that the guy from the Laura Branigan video “Self Control?”

    I’m thinking Lisa’s maybe gonna have some creepy ballet sex with Mr. Anonymous-Eyes Wide Shut-Michael Meyers before (while?) departing this mortal coil.

  96. Gal Friday
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    #24 Thanks for correcting me–I was too hard on Spidey.

  97. Darkefang
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: Gary is beginning to differentiate himself from the other men in Apartment 3-G. Unfortunately, he looks like his father was Tom Brokaw and his mother was Bill Gates.

    Curtis: This is getting interesting. Does Diane see herself in the Girls Gone Wild video? Or does she see Greg gawking at the New Orleans scenic boobery?

    And yes, I did look up their names on the Houston Chronicle website.

    DT: Please tell me the anonymous agent handcuffing the Russians in panel three is holding a briefcase embroidered with a giant “CIA.” Before I read this story, I had no idea the CIA advertised itself so heavily.

    FC: Of course your fingers are too short, Dolly. You’re only six inches tall.

    Foob: Poor Robin. From now on, Ellie is going to resent him for preventing her from seeing her dad one last time before he died.

    GT: I must have misread yesterday’s Gil Thorpe. I could have sworn it said that Howard was going to cheer Tony up, not bore him to tears.

    JP: Caesar, you bastard!! How dare you attempt to raze a few grape vines on a vast tract of otherwise unused property in order to build a new town full of homes in the middle of a state with a severe housing shortage!!

    Luann: Thus begins a “very special Luann” story-arc discussing statutory rape.

    MT: Something tells me that Homer’s going to react well when he sees the ducklings eaten by those barracuda.

    MW: “If my eyes were open going in, I wouldn’t be in this position.”

    Also, I wouldn’t have bought half the clothes in my wardobe. Seriously, did I wander into Grammas-R-Us when I bought this stuff?

    RMMD: “Your pole is a work of art, Rex. Now I want you to find the little man in the cabin.”

    “Sorry June, no time. Instead, I’ll draw you a diagram and you can find him yourself.”

    Shoe: Today’s Shoe is actually funny. Or maybe my sense of humor is just sprained?

    S-M: Yeah, I’m sure the TSA won’t have any problem at all with a man dressed in a full-body red and blue spandex costume boarding the plane.

    TDIET: I don’t know what kind of show Gunblaze is, but it’s my new favorite show.

  98. mir777
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    He’s dead. Jim.

  99. Blynneda
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Maybe the zombie FOOB will replay the Grandpa-dying storyline every year from now on, just like Jeremy entering high school every September in Zits, or like Mark Trail punching a bearded man every other week.

  100. DarkSir
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    97: Hey, be fair, Mark Trail hasn’t punched a bearded man in FAR TOO LONG :)

  101. teenchy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    # 17: Bachelor Party reference?

    # 49: Very observant, Kojak. An unmarked brown Buick Century driven by Stavros awaits you.

  102. Bud
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Sure, sure… TODAY we need to see the “realism” of Iris’ nose in the muppet Foobverse

  103. Justafoob
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    He’s dead. Jim?

  104. Little A.
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Nobody listens to me. I think you are all ashamed of your cruel thoughts. Rest in peace, Jim.

  105. AhClem
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    #74 Plinko Commie -
    10 bucks says Anthony is wearing something important of Gwampa’s when they have their Precious Memories wedding.

    Liz: What’s that godawful smell?

    Anthony: I’m wearing the same pair of Depends that your grandfather was wearing when he croaked.

    Liz: Kiss me, you fool!

  106. Justafoob
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Jim. He’s dead.

  107. Justafoob
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Dead? He’s Jim!

  108. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    NB: Bliss features a cameo by the Grim Reaper today. Even cartoonists who don’t have any running characters want to get in on the action.

  109. jailhouse_rock
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    http://i22.tinypic.com/5n4zt2.jpg

    ^ The unseen last panel of Foob.^

    *I know nothing of coding and such, so blame me if the link looks like gibberish*

  110. zusty
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Finger-Quotin’ Margo alert! In the wild!
    (works terribly in firefox for some reason, sadly.)

  111. gh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    But Johnston was hot
    She drew first and shot
    And Batiuk collapsed in the corner . . .

  112. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Dean Booth, and Uncle Lumpy, as always, you guys are brilliant.

    And for anyone who thinks that FW and the Foob show life realistically, I say of course they do. Hagar the Horrible is a realistic portrayal of Viking life, Beetle Bailey is a realistic picture of life in the military, Garfield is a realistic take on the travails of cat ownership. Christ.

    My fond wish is that when I die, there’s nothing. Dead is dead. No afterlife, no continuation of the “life force” or the soul or whatever. I hope that’s the way it is. Because I’m tired now. If I find out there’s something I gotta do afterward, no matter how pleasant, I’m going to be very pissed off.

  113. smacky
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    #102: Little A, I think folks are allowed a day to snark on the sudden death of a fictional character. As much as he may or may not resemble a real person, or may or may not be a treasured cultural icon like Micky Mouse or Snoopy, he’s still a made-up character. He’ll rest in peace when Lynne moves on to the next flashback.

  114. Scrog
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    No we know what drives Scaduto to keep creating after all these years; he’s still bitter they took Gunsmoke off the air in 1975.

    I think the Family Circus is going to use this one as a jumping-off point for a long Battiuk-like arc. Dolly takes the flip suggestion of psychotic, anti-social Billy innocently at face value and gorges herself on fried chicken, twinkies, and Mr. Peanut party mix for 15 years, played out in real time in the strip, only to find out that now her fingers are now too fat to play the piano. She hatches a plan to murder him with a claw hammer but between the diabetes and the diverticulitis, she’s too weak and limbless to realize her final revenge. She dies penniless and weeping in Gary, Indiana.

  115. ChristianPinko
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    FW – I thought death was a hot goth chick! Who’s ths guy?

    (ETA: Curses! El Santo beat me to it!)

    Excellent work as always, Uncle Lumpy.

  116. Hysterical Woman
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    95: I’m thinking that Diana saw something too familiar in that tape. I wonder what’s coming up.

  117. Perky Bird
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    FW– I hope tomorrow’s strip will show Masky McDeath ripping off his mask to reveal a gorgeous, romance-novel-cover-worthy face. He will gaze at Lisa with his deep, soulful eyes and whisper to her in his sexy, exotic accent, “I only wore this mask so that your husband would not be jealous.” To which Lisa will reply dreamily, as she stands captivated by his seductive gaze, “Who, that dweeby little guy? Oh, he’s just a friend…”

    FOOB–If Grandpa Jim is really dead, what do you bet Elly will serve prime rib at his wake? It’ll be the second time the poor old bastard gets cheated out of a delicious meal…

  118. gh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    102 Little A. –

    Maybe we’re talking at cross-purposes. Any cruel thoughts are directed at Lynn for pulling a cheap stunt for the sole purpose of self-aggrandizement. Jim was denied dignity by her using him to score points and spoil Batiuk’s party, rather than letting it be a natural progression for its own sake. If, indeed, it was consciously timed for that purpose. Seems an odd coincidence, though.

  119. Chloe The Cat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Mek @45
    Cancer Cancerbean is absolutely NOTHING like what your family and friends went through. If you want a play by play on the truth I can give it to you. In detail.

  120. Holly
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure Jim’s actually dead. I’m going with coma.

  121. Mek
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    177. Uhhh, how about ‘no, thank you’? =]

    114 & 95. That would be a riot if that were the case.

  122. Inspector Dim (Your Friendly Bookie)
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    TAKING BETS!

    Current odds – Foob:

    20-1: Jim is actually dead
    10-1: He’s just taking a nap and will wake up tomorrow with an exclamation of “Boxcar!”
    even: Jim has suffered a hideous second stroke which will leave him a paralyzed vegetable for the REST OF ETERNITY. Because Lynn has decided that she hates his elderly guts.

  123. dreadedcandiru2
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Check out today’s Coffee Talk! TrueFable got on the thing today with his hopes that Jim not linger and Mike get pelted.

  124. yusifu
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    MT: Homer named Shirley after his ex-wife? Because he regrets not having children before the divorce? Just what kind of relationship is he envisioning with Shirley, anyway? Eew.

  125. Blake
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    #17 Lynny M, #45 Mek, et al: I am unconvinced, but everyone is entitled to their own (wrong) opinion. ;)

  126. The Divine O’F
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE, SPECIAL DEATH EDITION:

    First, and most obviously, to Lynn Johnston, who has pretty much redeemed herself in my eyes by this magnificent SWOOP (as in Word Squack) of Tom Batiuk.

    Second, Oh, bats:[, what a lovely mashup of the two strips and Marcel Marceau.

    Third, to Uncle Lumpy, for his magnificent Lisa poem.

    And on a personal note: two yesterthreads ago Schteve: Thanks for the reference to one of my favorite songs of all-time, Star Trekkin’.

  127. streatordutch
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    I can’t until 5 years from now, when Michael and Robin are looking at old photographs together, and we get to see Jim die all over again!

  128. McManx
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    First, Iris — what a dope! “Go outside?…Hungry?” You don’t know?! If you focused less on whining and more on care giving, you’d be feeding Jim on a regular schedule and he wouldn’t be dead right now.

    Second, we readers are screwed. With Jim dead and Lynn Johnston perfecting her trademarked flashback format, we’re doomed to play out the mourning process through weeks and weeks of out of context vignettes. Oh, boxcar! BOXCAR, goddamit!!

  129. Maggie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    #112 Scrog:
    What the heck do you have against Gary, Indiana that you would make it the home of Dolly? Don’t you think it has enough problems being the hometown of Michael Jackson?

    Anything I had to say about FW or FOOB has been said already, and better than I could say it.

    Oh, and my guess about Curtis is that the “Grrls Gone Wild” stars the daughter of that obnoxious woman from the store last week… takin off her “very expensive new outfit” for beads. Wooo! (plus, how lucky is Curtis? Naked chicks AND all the meatloaf he can eat? Why isn’t my house like that?)

  130. digamma
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    I like the nurse in the Funky Winkerbeans from earlier this week. She totally can’t understand why these people are upset about death.

  131. Tweeks_Coffee
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: So apparently this guy’s been constantly calling Tommie and leaving her messages that she never returns. This makes me suspect that she’s actually employing the Dr. Drew technique here. She’s having a sordid affair with another bland, sandy-haired fella.
    Archie: In today’s installment of Facial Expressions That Totally Mismatch the Dialogue; Jughead looking utterly bored while he expresses how much he loves something. I’m assuming this is because all happiness was long drained from his life. Presumably this happened about the same time he realized that he was doomed to wear that stupid hat for all eternity.
    Curtis: Oh Christ, did that video just get her in the mood? Now Curtis will have to endure the ultimate punishment; sleeping on a bed that your parents have done it on.
    DT: They sure are letting those guys run around a lot. It seems that one weirdo went all the way around these guys between panels 1 and 3.
    FW: Actually, you did miss the leaves. They haven’t started changing here in Ohio yet. Now if you’ll kindly follow Mr. Mime here, you can disappear forever.
    H&J: That is simply the biggest bible I’ve ever seen. Why the heck is the cross on the back of it too? Or is it in the Japanese direction for some reason.
    MT: I certainly hope that Homer’s going to go the extra mile here. He’ll start grenading the lake to kill the fish before they get the inexplicably blue ducklings.
    Phantom: I really don’t get the parent’s motivation in, pretty much, this entire plot. What exactly is their problem with her drawing pictures?
    RMMD: “Oh yeah, it’s…what? Sorry, June, our daughter, what’s-her-face, is calling me.”
    S4th: I will pause the snark here to give props to Ces. This is a pretty good representation of what school is really like. Much more likely than the Shan…non story a bit ago, too.
    SFx: Dammit, Weber! I really want to know exactly what turn of events brought Slylock and Max to the past in their fishbowl time machine! Alas, there is no story.
    SM: So what’s he going to do once he gets to the airport? Change in the airplane bathroom?

  132. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Josh: I posted some snark this morning, two threads ago, and I thought sure I saw it post. Yet now, it’s gone. What happened? Did my MC Hammer reference get me banished to the Cockpit?

  133. kingklash
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    The week ain’t over, yet, but it does say something that the only thing I’m taking away from Comic Reap-a-Thon ’07 is yesterthread’s “Double-D Tumors.” Strangely…. alluring…..

    *goes out to stand on the Magmacannon target again.*

  134. Allie Cat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    #57 in re: Heywood Jablome. In the early 2000′s, there was an actual listing in the Nashville phone book for not only Heywood, but his kid – Heywood Jamblome, Jr. My husband cut it out and has kept it for years.

    How that happened is anyone’s guess.

  135. Reynard Noir.
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Ancient Greek funerary customs demanded that the deceased be buried with a coin, to pay for passage on Charon’s ferry across the river Styx to the underworld.

    This, apparently, is what Batuik is drawing on in having the grim reaper wordlessly demand a tip.

  136. Janepre
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy -
    I just had to come out of the lurking zone to applaud your poem. “Circumscribed my horizons and settled for Les.” Brilliant!

  137. Mountain Mama
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    I thought Death rode a Pale Horse. Damn.

  138. cheech wizard
    October 3rd, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    117/ Chloe – People succumb to cancer in different ways. Lisa’s decline has been a pretty good depiction of one of those, although cleaned up a bit. Plus, I don’t think many people encounter the Phantom of the Opera at the end.

    I also speak from experience from losing a family member to cancer years ago. Lisa’s demise has not been unlike hers. I have to give credit to Batuik for handling this storyline skillfully – I think he’s gonna reap some major awards for this.

    What I bash him for is being such a gloomy gus all the time – everything he does is full of doom and tragedy. I envision him working at his desk while idly chewing on the end of .38 – the guy’s seriously in need of medication.

    BTW, what cultural tradition views Death as a guy in a mask and tuxedo anyway? Do Les and Lisa go to some church that believes God is a director of European art films?

  139. commodorejohn
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Maybe the reason Tommie has no luck with the boys is because she prematurely ages whenever she’s around a guy she likes. Look at her in panel two and you’ll see what I mean.

    Crankshaft – Thank you, Ed, for your piercing insight into geopolitics.

    Curtis – Um, what?

    FC – “My tiny, unusable stubs are too short!”

    FOOB – It’s the best thing that can possibly happen in the FOOBiverse. No more Michael yammering about his damn book, no more Elly inflicting artery-clogging meals on him, no more Authoress Lynn humiliating him. Here’s a fond farewell to the only FOOB character to ever cuss out that self-absorbed little bastard Michael.

    FW – Sorry, Tuxedo Mask, this isn’t Sailor Moon. You should’ve taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

    GA – Asking at the corner cafe, Skeezix is shocked to find out – Fireball has been dead for twenty years!

    HOTC – haha YES.

    JP – I’m missing the “evil” part of the evil plan here.

    Marmaduke – *brain crash*

    MW – I’d try and snark on the relationship stupidities, but my eyes are fixed on the Worst. Combover. Ever.

    SFx – Holy poop, Slylock has a Time Crystal! Is Bob Weber Jr. a Commodore 64 demoscene fan?

  140. Jim
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW/Funky Winkerbean: Neither. I’d like to go out like Angry Bob, being punched by 100,000 people and involuntarily tooting on a kazoo with each blow.

  141. It realy doesn't matter
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Let’s have a moment of silence for Jim and Lisa.

    Then let’s have a moment of noise for Marcel Marceau who has never had a bad thing to say about anyone.

  142. Mibbitmaker
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    In the solemn spirit of FW and FOOB this week:

    Brooke….
    KILL THORAX!
    KILL THORAX!
    KILL THORAX!!!

    Thank you.

  143. smacky
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Allie Cat, a quick search brings up a Haywood Jablome in Madison, TN (want his number?); 15 different Haywood Jablomes reviewing items on Amazon.com; and snopes.com confirms at least one item where the name made the newspaper:

    http://www.snopes.com/media/goofs/heywood.asp

    So apparently the name is more common than we thought ;-)

  144. man behind the curtain
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    FBOW — I’m just wondering if perhaps Grandpa Jim’s apparent demise is timed with Ken Burns’ documentary on WWII and the fact that each day sees the passing of thousands of WWII veterans.

  145. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED #131 KINGCLASH!

    MOVE A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT! A LITTLE MORE! JUST HALF A STEP MORE! ANNNNNNNND….

    OH, MELKAR…dammit. There’s been enough death here today with FOOB one-upping FW. Why don’t you go hook up with Blynneda or AppleGirl? Or SecretMargo if that’s the way you lean? Go have a skxcritorting mojito, look at the sun and smell the fall air.

    Holy Melkar, just take a flurping break and enjoy life, if even for an hour! And try to forget that what used to be the territory owned by Calvin and Hobbes and Far Side has been given over to a couple of hacks who think the comics are supposed to a venue for confronting mortality prematurely.

    If I had a real magmacannon, parts of Ohio and Ontario would charred black as two souls I could name.

    End [margoing] transmission.

  146. kurt
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    October 4 is the day Lisa leaves us, save for flashbacks, etc.
    So as others say, a moment of silence for her…

    As for the REST:

    MT: Duckie had babies! But wait…there are evil fish below waiting for a snack..

    Blondie: I’m just waiting for the 300 mph gust to nail Dagwood,

    RMMD: Where’s the 300 foot wave to wash down that River Rex M. and co. will be fishing at?

    ASM: As Peter and Mary Jane gleefully bounce along the car rooftops, all we need is for Spidey to land on a canvas convertible and RIP-SMASH, it’s _Back Seat Action_!

  147. AirForbes
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “He’s been behaving strangely lately. He just sits and stares out the window.”

    Sweet cracker sandwich, I know Elly is dumb, but how long is it going to take for her and Iris to realize Jim is dead?

    “Also, he’s starting to smell funny.”

  148. Mountain Mama
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    There, there, my lord and galatic majesty…..why don’t you go Google your name and cheer yourself up. I’m sure there are hundred of web sites devoted to your worshipful self and your wonderful wisdom and your all-round swellness.

    When the comics make the Emperor feel bad, they’ve gone too far!!

  149. Sugar and Spike
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: oopmsschnargle fleezle dorf*

    This reminds us of an old Peanuts strip from back in the day (the day when the comics were good, that is):

    Lucy and Linus are walking along when it starts to rain. They have only one umbrella. Lucy says she’ll use it first and then let Linus use it. When it comes time for Linus to get the umbrella, Lucy tells him that since he’s already soaking wet, there’s no point in him using the umbrella.

  150. gh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    #143 GEC®™© –

    This, too, shall pass.

  151. KT
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    In a previous thread, Cheeky Wee Monkeys marveled at Jeffy’s monorail-like powers of locomotion and levitation, as shown in Sunday’s Family Circus, and it saddened me that the comic strip is not animated (this would be a GOOD use of it, as opposed to all that creepy eyeblinking on the FBOFW site!)

    So I decided to rectify that.

  152. Keg of Curd
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    KT, it’s the yo-yo like retraction of monoJeffy at the end of the animation that elevates the L’s into OL territory. Awesome.

  153. Perky Bird
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    FOOB again–In Panel 3 of today’s FOOB, Elly appears to be sprouting gills.

  154. Inspector Dim (Your Friendly Bookie)
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Cheer up, everyone, and behold the awesomely weird sight of Spider-Man bounding over cars on the freeway carrying his wife and their luggage.

    Of course, he’s probably going to drop her, and her skull will be crushed by an 18-wheeler. Damn. Can’t shake the Funk today.

  155. Lake Eerie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Looks like “Sparky” also advised Lynn not to let any other dramedy strips out-death her in the “funny” pages.

    Oddly enough, this is Batiuk opting for what he considers tasteful after the grim realities he claims he’s been subjecting us to. At least it’s nice to see Michael Crawford getting some work. What’s he been up to?

  156. Keg of Curd
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    You totally need to sync that up with the famous Ievan Polkka (original, remix) so that Jeffy slides in out hypnotically on the downbeats.

  157. Little Guy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    #284, Yesterthead: “You go blind and then you die.”

    Oh my…. that’s why Curtis’ mom is shooing her son out of the room. “Don’t touch yourself there, or you’ll die!!!!” It’s a combination of Pubescent Involuntary Self-Pleasuring with J-Horror!

    Is she dead yet?

  158. Trotzenbonnie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy – If a poetaster is an inferior poet then you are a poegorger.

  159. Jonflip Zooza
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Masky McDeathface is scratching his balls in the second panel? With the same hand that he offers to Lisa in the third panel? Isn’t death supposed to be cold instead of lukewarm, Masky?

  160. commodorejohn
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

  161. lesles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    FFWOOB – hooray, they’re dead! oh, sorry, did i say that out loud? i must say, though, that although i never liked jim … fuck it, i never liked any of them … i do think that toward the end there he showed promise of becoming perhaps one of the english language’s finest wordsmiths, and it’s a bugger that we’ll never know what else he might have produced.

    i suppose it’s just a matter of time, now, before iris falls from grace and cops the white-bread wrath of the pattersons for not having the decency to die with jim. i mean, how selfish can a person get?

    A3G – you’re right, josh, that is 1955 – gary is actually a timelord. he was exiled from gallifrey for being infinitely bland (he always wore the collar down on his (brown polyester) ceremonial robes) and managed to escape death in the time wars by being so boring that the daleks completely overlooked him (also, he’d popped back in time to volunteer backstage on the first amateur production of “annie”, and missed the whole thing).

  162. Lake Eerie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    If it is indeed Death Week in the funny pages, methinks Zipper of Doonesbury is about to share the fate of Lisa & Jim

  163. Howard Erk
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Nope, you all got it wrong.

    Jim is very much alive.

    Iris’s exclamation is to the fact that Jim has his *ahem* manhood in his hands and she has never seen it angry before.

    No more guessing what is on Jim’s mind.

  164. Paperback Rifler
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Dang. Late to the thread as usual; and the only thing that I have to offer is nowhere near as good as poegorger Uncle Lumpy‘s effort at #34. Oh well. Here it is anyway.

    Apologies to Bruce Springsteen, to anyone who likes “Atlantic City” by Bruce Springsteen, and to everybody everywhere (and keep in mind that the rhyming works better if you use the official “bat-tick” pronunciation):

    Well he
    Chose to rob Lisa of her health and sight;
    Then he took her life, too.
    When it came to dying, she didn’t put up a fight;
    That’s what living in the Funkyverse can do.

    Now this
    Whole mess has built up for many weeks,
    And she just couldn’t get no relief.
    Since her creator’s got a sadistic streak,
    He kept her hanging on by the skin of her teeth.

    [Chorus]
    Well now,
    Everyone dies, everyone gets sick;
    But Lisa’s dying has been the work of a prick.
    So won’t you join me now — this’ll be real quick —
    Let’s all give the finger to Tom Batiuk.

    Well she
    Got chemo, it didn’t make her well
    ‘Cause with Batiuk, the cure just makes you more ill.
    So she gave up hope and waited for her time
    And got led to death by some weird, white-faced mime.

    Well now,
    Everyone dies, everyone gets sick;
    But Lisa’s dying has been the work of a prick.
    So won’t you join me now — this’ll be real quick —
    Let’s all give the finger to Tom Batiuk.

    [Bridge]
    Now Lisa’s gone, dead from disease;
    Batiuk couldn’t be more pleased.
    But he should look o’er his shoulder, and he should wonder
    If Lynn Johnston’s trying to steal his thunder.
    Everyone dies, everyone gets sick;
    But Lisa’s dying has been the work of a prick —

    Now he’s
    Gonna skip ten years, leave Lisa to rot;
    He’ll show a whole lot of aged characters and the hell in which they have been caught.
    They hope and pray their misery will end,
    But Batiuk can’t wait to inflict sorrows upon them.

    Everyone dies, everyone gets sick;
    But Lisa’s dying has been the work of a prick.
    So won’t you join me now — this’ll be real quick —
    Let’s all give the finger to Tom Batiuk.
    Let’s all give the finger to Tom Batiuk.
    Let’s all give the finger to Tom Batiuk.

  165. commodorejohn
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    #34 Uncle Lumpy – Ho-oly crap. Send that gem off to Batiuk right quick, will ya?

  166. lesles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-herbs use of “dag” is quite appropriate

    and, Uncle Lumpy, that was just brill. when batiuk kaks it, i reckon someone should sneak in and chisel that on his headstone.

  167. Nothin\' Special
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    FW: Check out the afro on McDeath – Lisa’s pain med-induced haze has finally fused Les into Masky Marcel. Even the Phantom doesn’t have that kind of inky blob coiffure going on.

    I think FBOFW’s last panel was truncated a bit. With her facial expression, it should have been “Jim, what’s that smell? Oh…”

  168. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    Re: the foob smell thing – if you’ve spent any time around 84 year old men, they’ve always got kind of stale urine and sour milk smell – if you relied upon smell alone, they might sit there dead but unnoticed for a long, long time.

  169. Ribinin
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #164 lesles Thanks for the link. Now I can stop worrying about being a Plugger, confident in the knowledge that I am a dag(3.b).

  170. Steve
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Too bad Dagwood didn’t die in his strip.

    He’d try to eat one of his huge sandwiches, then collapse. Then the sandwich would have a thought bubble saying “HA HA!”

  171. CGB Spender
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Following today’s death theme, Diane is exhibiting the initial symptoms of lung cancer. Curtis is going to smirk the hell out of his dad for the next six to twelve months as his mom’s health deteriorates. Towards the end, she’ll be admitted into Funky Winkerbean for hospice services. Meanwhile dad complains about the DOT’s health insurance plans and tells Curtis to f’in get a job if he wants an iPod. Or a place to live. Hospitals aren’t cheap, boy.

  172. dimestore lipstick
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    The famed Paperback Rifler strikes again! As the wife of a major Springsteen fan, I had no trouble singing that. Most excellent.

    And for anyone who thinks it doesn’t scan, blame Springteen–PR pretty much matched him perfectly.

  173. lesles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    #166 Ribinin: no worries. dag’s way cooler than a plugger, from what i can gather of pluggerdom.

    also, in these parts, “dag” can be a term of endearment, like “bastard”. so it’s not all negative.

  174. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    And, ironically, I have a friend who fell into a coma yesterday after drinking too much. He’s braindead, and there’s not much hope.

    And the comics aren’t helping.

  175. lesles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    #171 grrrr. note to self – use the bloody preview, you tool

  176. p.
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone here watch the (very funny) “Zero Punctuation” video game reviews? Because in today’s installment on Halo 3 (occasional strong language warning), Finger-Quotin’ Margo pops up ever so briefly to do, what else? Finger quote. It’s at 1:27, but really it’s worth watching the whole thing if you like gaming, or at least backing up fifteen seconds or so for some sort of context.

  177. lesles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    #172 Anonymous – shit, man, that’s fucked. so sorry. my thoughts go out to you.

  178. gh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #172 Anonymous –

    I hope, at least, that we are.

  179. Anon
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    #172 If he is totaly brain dead talk to his family about organ donation please. Prayers your way..

  180. AhClem
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Los Angeles – In an undercover sex sting at Los Angeles International Airport today, prompted by the Larry Craig scandal at the Minneapolis airport a few weeks ago, police today arrested a man on suspicion of soliciting for sex in an LAX restroom.

    Mr. Peter Parker, of New York City, was caught half-undressed with a Spider-Man costume under his clothing. The Chief of the L.A. Police Department was quoted as saying “I don’t know what sort of twisted, perverted fetish he was planning to engage in, but fotrunately he was caught before he could pull it off, as it were.”

    When asked for comment, Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) said, “Christ! What an asshole!”

  181. commodorejohn
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

  182. willethompson
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    As long as we’re praying for/sending psychic energy toward #172 Anon (been there, bud) let’s not forget Calico and her mom…

  183. Marco Frisbee
    October 3rd, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Ten bucks says The Masked Death is either the Undertaker from The Prisoner or Donald Plesance from THX-1138.

  184. Joe
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I almost expected some sort of foobish cure to come prancing in for Grandpa Jim, for Lynnie-baby’s rampdown of FBOFW. Huh. I guess this means that Lynn is planning to whack Iris too……perhaps she’ll throw herself off the top of the Fooberville Retirement Castle or overdose on butter-tarts.

    I would jump for joy if an asteroid the size of Cleveland hit Fooberville just before the pastor says to the Lizthony: “I now pronounce you man and wife”.

    Y’all better just get ready, because one of the last things Lynn does will be to officially marry Loserbreath to Limpthony. And you know what, that little scatterbrained snot of a trollop deserves him.

    FW: Perhaps now that Lisa is dead, will Batuik drop the whole fucking “Funky Cancerbean” theme that’s been going on for so God-damn long??

    Makes me sick.

  185. Arglebargle
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    This weeks “Zero punctuation” review makes a reference to finger-quoting Margo, which surely must have come from this site.

  186. bats :[
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    20. Anna Nimity: thanks for the jingle about True Fable lovin’ up Lynn at Coffee Stalk; good letter, TF! Wow, you pretty much laid out some basic, not-too-pleasant truths for her to contemplate, and yet the letter was posted — maybe she just doesn’t care anymore. That, or maybe her staff could give a rat’s ass…

    28. gh: thanks. I was almost going to wait and post it after Josh got the new thread going, but Mr. bats was all “did you post it? did you post it?”…my biggest fan.
    I wonder if Crocs clogs would do a Snark line…

    86. Dean Booth: ah, well done! Ya don’t necessarily have to die to make a grand exit.

    107. Jailhouse Rock: the newspapers really need to rethink the space allotted for the comics, and give them more! Kudos to you!

    And it all still pales in comparison to…
    Aldomania.

  187. True Fable
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    I swear, I did not expect the Foobsite to put up my letter, I really didn’t. This can only mean one of two things. Either they don’t get nearly as many letters as they hoped and are willing to print just about anything, or….

    …or Lynnie’s falling for me.

    I think I’d better double my ninja goat guards.

    (just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean she’s not out to get me!)

  188. The Avocado Avenger
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie #314 in Yesterthread – I think you’re on to something. Robin does look mighty young there.

    Also, what the heck is Elly doing calling Jim “my dad”? She’s talking to Michael, not a co-worker.

    #136 cheech (this thread) – I have to say I don’t think Batiuk did well with this storyline at all, and I say this having also lost a very close relative to cancer very recently. Batiuk claimed the storyline was about love through tragedy and cancer awareness and such, but we saw very little about either of those things. Les never spoke, not even to the Blue Cat. We’re going to skip ahead 10 years and never really get into Les’ emotions or how their daughter handled her dying mother in the living room. With the exception of Lisa’s dad, there was almost no emotion, just a few friends exhibiting the Two Smirks: Happy Smirk and Wry Smirk.

    As for the cancer awareness, we saw precious little of that, too. The hospital screwed up, but that was quickly dropped. Lisa went to Congress and said… what? We don’t know! We weren’t told. There was one Hospice worker, the medical bed, a brief mention of morphine. It was all sanitized and dealt with in a shallow manner so as not to offend or upset anyone, and honestly, if you’re going to dive into this subject matter then DIVE INTO IT. C’mon, man, talk about the catheters and the morphine suppositories and the family members who show up only because they think they’re in the will. THAT is cancer.

    I’ve read other blogs where cancer survivors are adamant that Batiuk is doing God’s work in increasing awareness, so I know I’m possibly in the minority here. I don’t mean to insult anyone, I just feel Batiuk claimed he was doing more with the strip than he actually did.

  189. bats :[
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    158. commodorejohn: and your point is?

  190. Ribinin
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I don’t think that LJ has to whack Iris. With Jim dead, she will lose her status as an ancillary-Patterson. There is no reason for her to appear in the “comic strip” at all after the funeral.

  191. The Avocado Avenger
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I screwed up the preview function again, surprise surprise.

    “Les never spoke much…” is what I meant.

    #185 True Fable – That is awesome your letter got printed.

  192. AhClem
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    The good news: I went to FOOB’s Coffee Talk page and read True Fable’s excellent letter.

    The bad news: I went to FOOB’s Coffee Talk page.

  193. Ian Cameron, PhD
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Now that Grampaw Jim is dead I hope Iris finds solice in a bottle of scotch and then drives to the Bum Boat and meets her demise ala Captian Kangaroo.

  194. Jobrill
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    I have to agree with The Avacado Avenger (186), myself. Batiuk’s treatment of this disease, from my point of view, has not been inspiring, enlightening, or anything else useful. Just more self-congratulatory junk, which he probably draws and writes with the annoying, makes-you-want-to-smack-it-right-off-their-face smirk that all his characters wear at the most inappropriate times.

  195. Uncle Lumpy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    FOOB — Remember the delightful “distribution of the ashes” story arc, in which Elly an’ good ol’ Jim agonized how to distribute Jim’s sacred remains between a final resting place next to Iris and one next to his dead first wife? And how this discussion took place right in front of Iris?

    Good ol’ Jim.

    Run, Iris — it’s never too late!

  196. True Fable
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Man, my goal is to win a “I Spilled the Beans” mug now! Apparently they are starting a random drawing for everyone who gets printed there, and will give away a coffee mug every month.

    Unfortunately for me, that means going to the Coffee Stalk more often.

    Unfortunately for her, that means she’s going to get more Fable-styled criticism.

    “It’s a fair cop.”

  197. Gold-Digging Nanny
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Popeye: If I’m following Popeye’s logic here, he’s hoping a large amount of spincoal makes Olive Oyl put out.

  198. Trotzenbonnie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    It must be true love that I have for True to endure the horror of Elly’s Coffee Blob just to read his ass kicking letter. Hey, True! Maybe you’ll win one of her coffee mugs!

    Masochist that I am, I had to read some of the other letters. There’s a smarmy, ass-kissing one from New York signed by ‘Jimmy’. If he’s the same Jimmy of ‘The Jimmy Fund’ fame, I’m hiding my wallet the next time I go to the movies.

    Note to self: Find a way to work the word ‘dag’ into a conversation at least once a day.
    Correction of note to self: Find a way to work the word ‘dag’ into EVERY conversation EVERY day.
    Note to self Take Three: Find a way to work the word ‘dag’ into every SENTENCE.

  199. Spotted HØrse
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Forgive me folks, no time to properly read the avalanche of FW/FOOB posts… but I gotta jump in quicksticks and say, HOOoo! I never expected Lynn to initiate a pissing contest with ol’ Sourball.

    Good gawd, this is pure camp. Wonder what it cost Lynn to bribe the Grim Reaper to off Gwampa a day before extinguishing Lees? In any case, it’s evil, evil I tells ya! Naughty cartoonist! heh!

    Snark on, you magnificent mudgedy ‘mudges. Hope to catch up later tonight.

  200. Ribinin
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    In other news, a Curmudgeon meet-up is taking shape for 11/3 in Pleasanton, CA.

    See the forum for details.

  201. Forthillrox
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: If no one’s said it already (not enough time today to do more than skim the comments), I’ll bet that Mrs. Fatty McSnobbypants’s (who Diane ran into at the store last week) daughter showed up on the GGW video.

  202. Krazy Kat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Sweet Zombie Reagan! this has been a good thread today! Just about everyone has checked in to pay their “respects”.

    Can’t wait to hear the paper hit the lawn in the morning.

  203. commodorejohn
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #199 Forthillrox – Oh man. If that happens, I might never say anything bad about Curtis ever again. Might.

  204. nsr
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    a3g- Aaargh! What’s next, three weeks of Blaze and the Docent?

  205. Tweeks_Coffee
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Something else occurs to me about this strip. Obviously there’s something on the tape that his mom is responding to. Which means that they’ve been having this discussion while the tape continues to play in the background! Wouldn’t Curtis’ first reaction to stop the video? Wouldn’t his mom, at some point, want to stop the constant stream of stripping girls appearing on her son’s TV?

  206. Jadis White
    October 3rd, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Iris: No no! ‘E’s pining!

    Lynn: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This Grandpa is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the chair ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-Grandpa!!

  207. True Fable
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    #204 Jadis White – PLEASE PLEASE say you will send that to Coffee Talk!

  208. Mountain Mama
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    My best to our anonymous friend with their friend and to Calico and mom.

    #186–Avocado, (may I call you Avocado?) excellent rant/statement.

    Uncle Lumpy, I bow.

    Welcome back, Jamus. I was wondering where you were.

    I’m just pinin’ for the fjords.

  209. tetetetigi
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    The FOOB age-freeze combined with the death of Jim made me wonder briefly if LJ is going to ease into retirement by slowly killing off the Pattersons one by one in increasingly tragic ways, taking years (to include all the extended illnesses and funerals) but covering only a few months in FOOB time. Hope Robin doesn’t get the sniffles from his babysitter…

  210. Tukla in Iowa
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Thing is, Jim wasn’t dead until Iris shrieked in his ear like that.

  211. AhClem
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    My link to this site is under “Favorites” in a folder called “Fun Stuff.”

    I guess irony is the third character to die today.

    (Disclaimer: CC is still very much “fun stuff”, but the snark targets today are pretty dismal).

  212. Sylphi
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Finally. Put them both out of their misery.

  213. Lynn J.
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    My Dearest Fable,

    Glad you liked Jim’s death. I must say, it intrigues me that you complimented me for killing off a character. You are bit of a sicko, aren’t you?

    I like sickos.

    You can jingle my bells any day, baby.

    Adoringly yours,

    Lynnie J.

  214. Phoebe
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    “Yeah, Grandpa’s just been sitting in his chair all day. Quietly. With his eyes closed. Not breathing. But the stench of death in in the room could be anything, right?”

  215. Scrog
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #127 Maggie: I was going to have her die penniless in a flophouse in the Bowery, but Stephen Foster already copped that end. Feel free, however, to change it to Oliver Twist’s London, Pittsburgh in the 1960s, or beautiful downtown Burbank.

  216. John H.
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    While there are plenty of things in the comics to snark about, among them these very strips, these attempts to portray death with some degree of artistry are not among them, I think.

  217. Kate
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    214 John: but what if we think these are *not* attempts to portray death with artistry? What if we think these are hack jobs designed to keep ratings up?

  218. Jadis White
    October 3rd, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    #205 True Fable –

    OK! I’ll do it! But only becuse you are the one who asked. I love your FOOB snark. :)

  219. The Avocado Avenger
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    #214 John – Batiuk’s degree of artistry has left me wondering for almost 12 hours now: is that a ‘fro, or a beret?

  220. Zamboni_Rodeo
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    … Did anyone else hear “Puttin’ On the Ritz” in their head when they read FW today?

    So… just me, then? Okay.

  221. GodWithFire
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Wednesday is death day! Woohoo:

    -Grandpa Jim has a final stroke.

    -Lisa escapes the Hell of Funky Winkerbean.

    -Curtis gets caught in a withering crossfire between a rival gang and “Onion.”

    -Beetle Bailey gets sent to Fallujah and immediately encounters an IED

    -The Phantom decides to test his twins’ resolve by throwing them into a piranha-filled lake. They disappoint him.

    -Dick Tracy, well hell, someone dies every week. Nevermind.

    -Ziggy’s lonely, mummified corpse is finally discovered in his easy chair, by a utility worker. No one else noticed he was gone.

    -That angry Toad thing from Zippy plays Journey on the jukebox, and then it all goes black.

    -Jeremy from Zits finally gets his drivers license, and watches helplessly as Hector bleeds out after their little VW bus is t-boned by a drunk.

    -Turns out Thorax was right, and Monty really DOES destroy the world, including the defrocked priest and his ex-nun girlfriend.

    -Uncle Duke becomes a zombie. Again.

    -Billy wipes out the entire Keane family with a zip gun he built in shop class.

    -Walt Wallet succumbs to old age at 154, or whatever age he is now.

    -Tony Casey suffers a fatal neck injury on the Milford gridiron. Coach Thorpe insists that the game be played out because “Casey would have wanted it that way.”

    -J Jonah Jameson dies suddenly from a radioactie STD he contracted from Hot Romulan Latina Reporter.

    -Brad the Fireman actually fights a fire. Once. And the fire wins. TJ turns his house into a brothel, with Tiffany as his madame.

    -Mallard Fillmore’s nest is overrun by an evil developer’s bulldozer, and even conservatives breathe a sigh of relief.

    -Mark Trail succumbs to lyme disease.

    -”You’re a Plugger if your coffin is made of MDF.”

    -Ted Forth, depressed by his inability to find a new job, dons Sally’s wedding dress and climbs a tall tower with a scoped rifle.

    -”J’ever notice? When one comic strip kills off a minor character, after months of buildup, another strip steals their thunder by doing the same, suddenly? Oh Yeah!” And we see a smug, pepperpot Lynee sitting by her drafting board in one frame, and a profanity-spewing, hair pulling, spittle-spewing To Batiuk throws his 1950s-era rotary phone through his studio window in another

  222. cheech wizard
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Yes, the leaves are falling, and tomorrow we’re going to rake them all into a big pile and help you jump into them. Then we’re going to strike a match and light it, because the Neptune Society charges eight hundred bucks.

    Sorry, Leese.

  223. Lovely Me
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Holy Crapalony!!!! I had a dream about Death last night. He was the grim reaper with, like, the sickle and everything and he was going to teach my class how to play water polo, except he wouldn’t and it made us all mad.

    Yeah. I have weird dreams.

  224. lesles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    SFx: veering right away from the general topic of discussion for this thread, but i just had a thought that something i’d love to see is a slylock strip. as #129 Tweeks_Coffee said, we need more slylock story. and better, i’d pay relatively modest amounts of money for a slylock graphic novel. with cassandra. and fish. maybe jamie hewlett or ashley wood could do the cover art. i think we could guarantee that mr weber would easily make several tens of dollars off such an enterprise.

  225. Moss_Moses
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    So, Granpa ChinNutz finally croaked. What took so long? Lynn certainly milked every sappy ounce of treacle possible out of him after his stroke. Now we should prepare our gag reflexes for the saintly Patterson’s selfless grieving process and their adulation of the chin testicled one’s saintly life. There is yet more treacle to ooze from his lifeless corpse!

    Why does a pudgy little excuse for a transgendered advice columnist insist on combing 3 strands of hair over his bald head? As bad as his combover looks, it’s still better looking than that industrial carpet Dawn has glued to her scalp.

  226. Uncle Lumpy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    #222 lesles –

    Slylock is dead?

    Noooooooooooooooooooo. . . . . !

  227. Schteve
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    FOOB 10/4 (Australia gets these a few hours before they’re posted online):

    Tenzcf vf abg qrnq. Whfg nabgure fgebxr. Cssg!

  228. goaty
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    I’m just glad to see Tuxedo Mask working again post-Sailor Moon.

  229. Canuckguy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    They’ll Foob It Every Time:

    What’sup with this? When they were younger, Iris had to put up with hubby’s yammering about any subject under the sun. (Cue FBOFW panel where Jim is yammering about anything, especialy the hot girls). But when they’re older, “Iris has to try to guess what he’s thinking”. (Cue panel 4, 10/03/07: “Jim? Would you like to go outside? Are you hungry dear?”)

    Too soon?

    OK, that was the curmudgeon in me coming out. The rest of me kind of applauds the realism of it. It was actually 17 years ago this month that my grandfather passed away in similar fashion. Unlike Jim he was in good health until his sudden passing, he was even working in the garage on his car that day, his wife was in the garden. About an hour later, my grandma went to the garage to ask him a question, and found he’d already gone to see the man in the Phantom mask. FBOFW (more than FW) today reminded us how quickly and unexpectedly we can be taken.

  230. lesles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: i can’t wait for the showdown where wilbur uses his advice column to go to town on drew and mary, feeling compelled to defend drew because he’s the spawn of her special-friend-dr-jeff-corey, starts a covert meddling campaign against wilbur which quickly becomes public when toeby tells everyone about it, then von steps in with his recently de-verafied fortune and black-ops marketing group to defend vera, and the whole thing escalates and charterstone is torn apart in glacially paced and yellow-tinged, tepid apocalypse! it’s going to be awsome.

  231. Keg of Curd
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    #220 – … Did anyone else hear “Puttin’ On the Ritz” in their head when they read FW today?
    Now that you mention it… yeah. But it was the version from Young Frankenstein.

  232. dimestore lipstick
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who though that guy coming for Lisa looked like Woody Allen in “Sleeper“?

    Just me?

  233. Keg of Curd
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if there’s any possibility that, like the “price wars” of old – gas stations paring away every last cent to be the lowest on the block – we’ll see the beginning of a “death war” on the comics page. “The bastard’s down to just three surviving characters, and one of them has leprosy! Quick! Cripple a dog!”

  234. The Avocado Avenger
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    #227 – Got a link? (Yes, I know rot-13, ph33r my 3133+ skillz).

  235. That's The Spirit
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    In all honesty, I laughed myself to tears at that Blondie. Oh man, Herb’s a tool.

  236. Uncle Lumpy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

  237. Jamus The Bartender
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Grandpa Jim Nuts 1927-2007
    Jim is a dead man, miss him, miss him.
    He fought in the Royal Canadian Air Force or something.
    He got drunk with Dick Tracy just before his return to prison. Dick’s, not Jim.
    He was supported by his wife Iris for a year or so while he ogled young women.
    Jim is he as I am he as you are he and we are all together.
    Jim is the walrus.
    Amen

    FW: Why is V from “V For Vendetta” showing up in the white room?
    Oh….

  238. Uncle Lumpy
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    FW — Well, technically I suppose Lisa’s not dead until she takes the hand of Joe Black there.

  239. Jonflip Zooza
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Click the name for a further explanation on why I think Masky McDeath is weird. For a full explanation, go to comment no. 159. Warning: Poor editing skills.

  240. Kate
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    So is Deathbutler in FW wearing a mask? He looks like he is. And that is just creepy. Not in a “gee, what a familiar harmless figure to be opening the door to the bourne whence no traveler returns” kind of way. In a “Lisa will be led around the corner and disfigured with power tools” kind of way.

  241. Jadis White
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    You know what has always driven me absolutely nuts about ole Grampa Jim’s aphasia? I understand that he can’t speak properly. But can’t he write down what he wants? He could write a note saying “I’m hungry,” or “You have a nose like a potato,” or “Shut up Michael you ungrateful prick.”

    Maybe I just don’t understand aphasia. Can anyone clarify?

  242. cheech wizard
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    238 – I always had the impresssion Death doesn’t so much politely extend his hand as grab you by the scruff of the neck and drag you off.

  243. Josh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    #241 Jadis — Aphasia affects the part of the brain that produces and interprets language, not the physical set of actions that produce speech. Some aphasiacs can write but not speak, and some can speak but not write, but many can do neither.

    Grandpa Jim was able to thought-balloon, though, I think.

    Josh

  244. Journeyman Softheart
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Actually, the guy in the tuxedo is from the Mystery Science Theater short “Design for Dreaming.” Of course, his real identity as Death puts the fate of the woman starring in that short in a rather frightening perspective.

    That said, it would have been immensely cool if Lisa’s death had involved a fantasy visit to the Detroit Auto Show of 1958…

  245. Trotzenbonnie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Hey, everybody! Mr T made a funny about the funnies!
    (He’s in Houston and I was filling him in on the latest FOOB follies via telephony)

    In Iris’ voice he said:
    Dammit, Jim! I’m your caretaker, not an undertaker!

  246. Scrog
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    245 Trotzenbonnie: It sounds like he doesn’t pity da foob. A ha, ahahaha.

  247. Spotted HØrse
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Gwampa Chinnuts should have passed on the sal-mon mousse.

    TDIET: “Gunblaze” sounds like a good show, but I’m oh-so entertained at the notion of a show called “Tired Love.”

    (DT)GT: QB Tony Casey hangs tight as Guard Howard Gourwitz uses the internet as an aid to self-Googling. I didn’t realize these two were such good friends.

    #245 Trotz: Let me pause from whuffling my feedbag to say, Good one, Mr. T!

    #35 Uncle Lumpy: Beautifully wrought, sir! I’d tip my hat to you, but I haven’t got a hat!

  248. Dean Booth
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Has Crankshaft been more despicable than usual the past few days — cheating at golf, screaming about wi-fi, and now railing about the middle east. Perhaps Batuik had Lisa die because this is how he sees life.

    My reaction to today’s strip: Ali-Crank Al Shafti.

  249. Andrew Cunningham
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s about time the truth came out. Hagar the Horrible is really a whoopsie.

  250. stumps
    October 3rd, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Gramppa Jim died – damn, I stopped caring about foobville about the time that the strip went into reruns – I guess when you only do one original (and I use the term lightly) strip a week, you have to get your ideas somewhere. If I had not seen Jim croak here, I never would have known he was gone.

    However, I have been following FW and dreading this week’s strips – it has been too close to home and a hard read, but a good story – not all comics are funny all the time – I respect good art and Batik has done a good job at both. I doubt I will ever intentionally read fbofw again – it is neither good art, nor a story worth following.

  251. goaty
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    ohhhhh Design for Dreamin’ was a great short…..

  252. Electro
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    Foob: It’s funny, Iris’ reaction to finding Grampa Jim watching a Girls Gone Wild video is almost exactly the same as Curtis’ mom’s. I wonder if it was the syrup episode…

  253. Nightingale
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Hi- I’ve quit lurking to say, sadly enough that

    Curtis: I think Mom sees the couple comics ago referenced annoying lady’s “perfect daughter” in the video, and now has proof of said daughter’s non-perfection, and an easy to fund her son’s community college education by blackmailing said braggy mom.

    And can we get Lynn and Tommy in a room together and let them duke it out. THAT would make a con TOTALLY rock.

    Back to lurking… maybe…. -

  254. True Fable
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    #218 Jadis White – omg, did you really? I bow to you, sir! I bow indeed!

    That thing cracked me up. Now being as how humor is relative in Foobville, I don’t know if they or their minions will get it, but oh gawd, Ex-Grampa just had me rolling!

  255. Idols of Mud
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    FOOB:
    Do not go gentle into that good night,
    Old age should burn and rave at the close of day;
    @$&!*! BOXCAR! at the dying of the light.

    Funky Winkerbean:
    I think this is the part where the huge chandelier comes down, crushing Les.

  256. flummoxicated
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    I can’t praise Batuik for a “well done death” storyline or gritty realism knowing that he’s just going to fast-forward ten years instead of dealing with the aftermath. That is a huge cop-out.

  257. evie oh oh
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Foob: If “his sitter isn’t well’ isn’t a euphemism for crouching in the corner of a room with very soft wall and floor slowly ingesting his/her own hair before screaming “patterson!” in a frenzy and dissolving into bitter bitter tears, i don’t know what is. Jim is the lucky one.

  258. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    To lesles, gh, mountain momma, anon, williethompson, and anyone else out there I missed,

    Thanks so much for your support. All you curmudgeons are helping.

    And Calico, I sent some good energy towards you and your mom. Hope things go well.

  259. Albatross
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    When my friend Steve died of brain cancer at the age of 42 there was little sweet or sentimental about it. His feet curled up and his body withered and he went to sleep went to sleep went to sleep more and more until he finally stopped living. Long after everyone thought he was gone, I was feeding him a bottle of chai tea, and I said “Pretty good, huh?” and he clearly responded, “Mm hmm.”

    When my dad died of brain cancer there was little sentimental about it. One day he said he had a headache before work, sat down, lapsed into a coma, and died three weeks later. Along the way he had these semi-lucid states, but he was never back, he was never aware, he never connected.

    I hate cancer. I hate it with the heat of a thousand white-hot suns.

  260. Krazy Kat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Shoe-In our joy over the passing of Lisa and Gwanpa Jim, let us not overlook the passing of the leader of the Treetops Grateful Dead club.
    “Head Dead Head Dead”

  261. Krazy Kat
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Dean Booth-You kill me, and I mean that in a good way, not a bad way like cancer, for instance

    Anonymous- You can usually come here for a smile. I’ve only run across one really mean-ass person here and Josh banned him pretty quick. The CC, nasty and opinionated but civil to one another.

  262. Harold
    October 3rd, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    If Lynn Johnston is just screwing with us, I will be sorely angry.

    Funky Cancerdeath is somewhat touching. I’ve known a lot of people who have died, but surprisingly for this cancer-ridden region of the country, none who have died of cancer – except my dog.

    When my grandmother died, the priest told a story at her funeral: that each day, as she dozed, Jesus would come and visit her and they would go out for a stroll together. One day they walked along and realized that they were a long way from their starting point, and much closer to Heaven. They decided to just keep on walking and not turn back this time.

    I called bullshit. (Well, not in the church.) But I could imagine the story being true if it were my grandfather walking with her.

    I sure as hell hope it wasn’t a spooky guy in a tuxedo with a full-face mask more akin to that worn by Jason Voorhees than The Phantom of the Opera.

  263. Doug Puthoff
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Three hours and three minutes till the “Lisa is Dead” strip hits S.F. Gate (Lord Willing). I hope, after she’s crossed through the pearly gates, Aldo walks up to her and gives her a rose.

  264. bats :[
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    259. Albatross: I’m sending you good thoughts. Moldy and your dad had some of the best thoughts through your memories and recollections of them — and I have to admit, Moldy sounded like a real hoot-and-a-half (except for the gummi bear through the nose trick).

  265. Gabacho
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    I’ve actually been fascinated by this whole discussion. The essay yesterday by Trotzenbonnie – it was not a rant, it was a beautifully constructed piece of writing – and the surprise this morning in FooB actually affected me.

    In the mid 1980′s, I lived in San Francisco as the AIDS crisis was peaking. I saw a lot of friends die. One was a guy who complained bitterly that he was now a “hero” and expected to “die with dignity”, going gently to the light and all that. He refused. In his inimitable way, he said “I didn’t live with dignity and I’m not fucking dying that way.”

    He would have been appalled at Funky Winkerbean and the whole death of little Nell routine. Death sucks – it’s nasty and it’s cold and it wears out the people who take care of you.

    And the dying are not usually sweet and heroic, they are usually more like Jim in FooB.

    I like that his last few stories he’s been cranky and uncommunicative. He didn’t resign himself to his stroke or to death or to how the hell anyone else felt. I’m glad he went at home.

    Anyway, I had long ago stopped liking the FooB people except for Iris and April, who were both getting crapped on but today I really like what Lynn did.

    I also really like her “do you feel lucky, punk” attitude towards FW. C’mon, first “knock me off the page” and then “you want dyin’. I’ll give first class, Pulitzer Prize dyin’” I hope she stops the fade into reruns, it won’t work anyway and gets back to work for a few more years.

  266. Trotzenbonnie
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    #259 – Albatross
    I don’t have anything comforting to say. But your writing really moved me and I want you to know that you have honored your father and Moldy with your words in a most meaningful and powerful way.

    And I hate cancer too.

  267. Dr Marion
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Another comment on Lisa from Robert Service, who lives in the Yukon, Canada:

    “And as in agony of death
    with blood her lips were wet
    Tom Batiuk gaily laughed ..
    .. and lit a cigarette.”

    Shame on you robert. Alas, Batiuk. Alas, humanity!”

    Lisa (Les’s) Moore RIP TFG

  268. Dr Marion
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    The rest is silence relentlessly promotional book touring

    Another big leap forward. doonesbury had only one, winkie will have had 2.

  269. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    In addition to the death of Jim and Lisa, in tommorow’s Gasoline Alley, Joel and Rufus will be crushed by the car they’re changing the oil on from the 10/1/07 strip after it falls off the lift.

  270. chemprof
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    #259 albatross
    I came into CC a few weeks ago with my response to FW, which I used to really like. I got some wonderfullly supportive responses, which I really appreciated. I hear your frustration, and I understand. I’m glad to hear some folks have taken some comfort from this story line, but it’s mostly been PTSD for me, and I think that’s what I’m hearing from you as well.

    Take care,

    Chemprof

  271. Anonymous
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Re Jim: He ate’nt dead, as Terry Pratchett would say. (I peeked at the comics page at my newspaper.)

  272. Emily
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Do you guys think Bull Bushka will make it to Lisa’s funeral?

  273. SatanicMechanic
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    9chickweed: What??? What?????OH MY GOD. I really did not want to know that much about Thorax.

  274. Dr Marion
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    &otOh and this comment was on binky_betsy

    Hey! Syndicated Cartoonists! Kill off one of your characters in the next three months and be immortalized as part of “Bloody 2007: The Year the Characters Died;!

    bwross

    They noted Grandpa Jim, Lisa, Old Mort Park of Rudy Park. and were hoping desperately quite worried Walt , Slim, Clovia, Rufus, Skeezix, and the other inbred Hills Have Eyes mutants from Gasoline Alley would die after all.*

    *The Baron said, “What about my Gretchen??”

  275. Poteet
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Pope Josh, did you mean to say “valuables”?

  276. Dr Marion
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Grandpa Jim counts as dead. It’s like the 3-second cookie rule. If you only move around because Frank from Blue Velvet has animatronned your corpse …. look, let’s ask an expert on Doctorin’ and bein’ dead, Dr. Leonard McCoy:

    DOCTOR MCCOY: He’s dead – Jim.

    Well, there you go.

  277. Jamus The Bartender
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy’s Crimestopper’s Textbook
    Today’s Lesson: Mourning Those Who Have Passed On

    Howdy folks. The ol’ detective here, I just got the news that I can cross my old buddy Jim Chinnuts off my Christmas list.
    Yeah, he’s passed on, joined the choir invisible, gone to meet his maker, kicked the bucket, gone to walk those golden streets of glory, gone onto his next life, got zapped, whatever you wanna call it, he’s dead.
    I heard Lisa Moore from Funkytown or wherever the hell it is died too. Except she met the Phantom Of The Opera or some weirdo in a tux. That’s a shame too.
    Now, being a police detective, i’m surrounded by death every single day. Cops die, creeps die….having caused a fair amount of same myself, a fellah gets to thinkin’ kinda….philosophical thoughts. And i’d like to share some with you now.
    Life’s too short.
    So get to drinkin’.
    And get as much poontang as you can.
    Listen to your wife if you must, but don’t let it go on too long. Life’s too short.
    Smoking cigarettes affect those around you with the second hand smoke. But liquor doesn’t. Drink up.
    Don’t put off that shopping trip to the Evidence Locker. You have no idea how long that cocaine’s gonna be there.
    Don’t take a kid in for shoplifting. A rap to the side of the head with a billy club or the butt of a .45 will get the point across just fine.
    Go ahead and taze those motherfuckers who keep shouting ” Don’t Taze Me Man” or wear it on their t-shirts. It’s old already. Serves ‘em goddamn right.
    Support Our Troops no matter what our President had to say to get ‘em across the water….and finally.
    Always remember to stop and smell the flowers.
    But don’t pick ‘em. That’s a fifty dollar fine.
    Here’s to you, Jim. Give ‘em hell up in heaven.
    Till Next Time
    Dick Tracy

  278. willethompson
    October 3rd, 2007 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Well, #276 Dr Marion (if THAT’S your REAL name), the hints from the Pacific Rim say that Grampa Chin-nuts has just had another stroke.

    He’s not dead. Not yet, at least. Woo. Hoo. And to this, I ask… why not?

  279. alamo
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    foobville follies —
    bury him in a boxcar, put it in the margo-cargo bay and ship the damn thing to saturn! the rest of g-damn strip can go to hell!

    fw – death becomes her.
    if we are lucky it will become him.
    if we win the lottery it will become all of them.

  280. Old Man Muffaroo [petty, obsessed Kip W]
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    DT – I guess Dick’s fellow crime fighter has eyes after all, but only for Dick.

    FOOB – So I guess tomorrow will be the big metaphoric bit for Grampy Jim. I’m guessing Death will come to carry him away in… a boxcar!

    Hagar – National Lampoon did a version of this called “Horrid the Hun,” but it was kind of weak. I liked Willy Murphy’s better, from an issue of an underground comic he did in the 70s (Flamed Out Funnies, maybe?): “Friendly Vikings and Bunnies.” Actually, the title is probably enough for now, as long as I mention that there are little bunny rabbits sprinkled through the frame here and there.

    (Murphy was doing a whole page of stuff. His version of Stripe had the lunky kid saying, “I’m having fun! / Whoops! / I fell down!” His version of Snuffy Smith contained the memorable dialogue: “Ding bang it, Sniffy! You-all been hittin’ the moonshine again!” “Well, dag-nab-slab-grab it anyway!” Lord, how I digress.)

    H&L – This one has a touch of reality. Sarah always needed a sleeve when she was sucking her thumb. Points for observation!

    Pluggers – “…on you key chain…”? You’re a plugger cartoonist if you use a faux hand-lettered font in your caption and leave the typos in.

    Uncle Lumpy @35 – Bravo!

    Dean Booth @88 – “Way past time.” A-freakin’-MEN! (Do comment numbers change mysteriously after they’re up a while? I’m puzzled.)

    streatordutch @127 – Now, that is heart-warming!

    Dr Marion @268 – Doonesbury’s had only one what? Death? More than that.

  281. Dr Marion
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Slylock was killed by shady shrew. all slylocks in the last 10 years have been “Classic Shylock”

    The spinoff strip “Max and Cassandra’s Ouija Board featuring Slylock the Ghost” was picked up by only a few syndicates and the author voluntarily folded it. Still Classic Slylock still brings in over $2.5 billion in total associated merchandising sales biannually.

  282. ianscot
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Were we not meant to “freeze” the FBOFW characters in a state where none of them would age any more?

    This is like the old Warner Brothers cartoon with the artist intentionally erasing bits of Daffy Duck and drawing in feathers, or adding flower petals, and so on. Except this is morbid. Not delightfully irreverent. Or whatever.

  283. scan
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Oh boy I got Funky and Foob for tomorrows death bifecta

  284. Slither
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    #11: He’s Jim, dead.

  285. Joe Btfsplk
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – Being the wise environmentalist that he is, Mark surely understands that these bizarrely plumaged ducks are plainly an exotic species which must be eradicated before they take hold, spread and displace our native waterfowl. His submarine legions of bass and catfish could handle the bite-sized ones efficiently enough, but he might need to call up a snapping turtle to take down the big one. If all else fails, he could summon the elephants again.

  286. Slither
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    I find Batiuk’s handling of Lisa’s demise somewhat surprising. It seems to indicate an acknowledgement of the afterlife, and, by extension, the existence of God. I kinda like that. I just hope that the dude in white tie and tails is the Angel Of Death, not the other guy!

  287. Slither
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    #259 Albatross: My condolences, however late they may be, on the loss of your father and your friend.

  288. Dr. Marion
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    sOrry old man muffaroo:

    in the link towards the end is ANOTHER growth spurt. All Funky Cancerbeings will aqe 10 years in 1 day. Doonesbury had one of them, Funky had one of them a few years ago.

    So i meant growth spurts, not deaths.

  289. Raznor
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Judging from Dagwood’s expression in panel three, my theory is that Herb, so angry at Dagwood’s thoughtlessness, grabbed the umbrella, shoved it up Dagwood’s ass, and stormed off. The punchline is that both Herb and Dag will die of hypothermia.

  290. Jym
    October 3rd, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    =v= Foob: Lynn Johnston 4TW! She diverted us with what was billed as an explanation about what made great-grandma Marian so great, then snuck in one of those flashbacks that are harbingers of death, edging out Funky at the finish line. Well-played.

    So, who’s the next to get flashbacked, hmm?

  291. Anna Nimity
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    196 True Fable: Your beloved Lynnie’s coffee mug actually reads, “I spilled MY beans.” Ew, ew, and ew again! You must MUST get one!

    Perversely Yours, Anna

  292. Charles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Character Died For Being Memorable
    The Comics Curmudgeon Times

    Grandpa Jim life was recently ended on For Better or For Worse after showing too much personality and character.
    Staff writers have expressed concern in the past that there was a character in their strip that stood out and wasn’t interchangable with everyone else.
    “We wanted that to stop,” said one anonymous source.
    To prevent similar situations in the future, characters will be drawn more and more alike.
    The anonymous source also hinted that we might see even smaller font used for dialogue in the future, increasing the average word count by 40.

  293. Buck Ripsnort
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    In a shocking twist, Jim is merely faking his death to avoid listening to Iris. Tomorrow, as the supposed widow turns away w/ tears in her eyes, he whispers to Elly, “Is she gone yet?”

    And when I go, I DON’T want to be met w/ a mime or a goth girl or any of that. I want a head-waiter from a 4-star restaurant to tap me on the shoulder and tell me my table is waiting. And instead of cancer, I’d like to be hit by a small meteorite.

  294. Dariaclone
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    FW: I know we all have things that we hate about the FW story, but what is annoying me is that Lisa’s kids are no where to be found for the last month. Did they get to say good-bye? I also find it odd that they don’t show up in Lisa’s farewell “dream”. As a daughter, I don’t think I’m over-exaggerating my role in my parent’s life; rather, I just think that I would be a piece of the farwell process. One that has largely been ignored for the last few months of this story.

    Darrin’s response to all of this could probably fill a psychology textbook and it’s totally ignored. (Probably wisely, as I don’t really trust Batiuk to cover it.) I can’t believe we had four-months of “will he or won’t he found out about Lisa” and since he found out, he’s been in two strips. Maybe that’s his or Lisa’s choice, but some of acknowledgment of his existence (or the daughter whose name i don’t remember) would be nice.

  295. Angry Beaver
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    #244: interesting you bring that up, Tad Tadlock who was the woman in the short died of lung cancer. (IMDB can be your second best friend, The ‘Mudge comes first!)

    I should also point out, I also lost my mom to cancer, back in 2004. I was able to visit her before she passed away and I remember the day she died vividly. The way it was handled in FW I thought was well done, I do hate the idea of a HUGE time jump like what Tom wants to do though.

  296. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    KT, you are awesome. That’s a very hypnotic gif.

  297. bats :[
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    282. ianscot: DUCK AMOK!
    (the Daffy Duck getting messed with cartoon, not the current story arc in Mark Trail…)

  298. Hysterical Woman
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    Great, we have to see this poor man go through stroke after stroke. Lynn really is trying to outdo Baituk.

  299. Ribinin
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    FW prediction: The strip will jump ahead 10 years for the sake of leaving this death far enough behind and so it need not be mentioned ever again.

    Batiuk is going to try to re-invent the strip funny.

  300. bartleby
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    I only started following FW for the death march & I was touched by the last few. The comics have long since stopped being just the “funnies.” Strips like FOOB in its good days, Doonesbury, etc. have touched on death before. Andy in Doonesbury died of AIDS several years ago — we watched his death (although as a flashback I think); we’ve seen BD lose his leg. In FOOB, Mrs. Baird was the first one to die and that was almost 20 years ago.

    I was bothered by FOOB yet again, not so much for Jim’s “death,” but for the emphasis — yet again — that when Michael the Turd Writer calls, Mommy (or anyone else for that matter) has to come running. “Oh, I was only going to see your stroke-affected grandfather, Michael the Saint, but I can stay at watch your diaper-pooping demon spawn. It’s not like the old man’s going anywhere anyway.”

    I think that if we hadn’t ever since was a fantastically sucky writer Michael was I wouldn’t hate him so much.

  301. KT
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    249 Andrew Cunningham:

    Yaay, someone else who’s seen Stardust!

  302. Bunnë
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    In unrelated news, custody of Britney’s has been given to Dingo.

    Back to death: I’m no expert on death in the funny papers, but I think the most tastefully handled death of a cartoon character was Andy Lippincott’s 1990 death in Doonesbury.

  303. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    I vote we call oversnarking on FBOFW/Star Trek references. Next violator gets a Tribble shoved so far up his Jeffries tube he’ll taste quatrotriticale.

  304. Jadis White
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    #254 – True Fable

    Yep, I really did it!! I don’t know if Lynn or her Lynnions will understand it though — they might not even be able to get past the dialect. ;)

  305. Poteet
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to repeat from yesterthread, but I still say that young Robert Redford in THE TWILIGHT ZONE is the best Death I’ve ever seen. Forget Mr. Cheesy in the mask — gimme young RR when the time comes to buy the farm, as we say out here.

  306. ralph
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie, two threads ago:
    I salute your FW rant. I bow to you. You are the best.
    To all who are feeling sadly reminded of losses of loved ones, or who are struggling through terrible times with loved ones now, I send my best wishes to you. I hope you find comfort and laughs (starting here, at CC), and lots of ways to celebrate life.
    cheers,

  307. Charles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Wait. Folks, I just realized – this is the comics. Such important and dramatic events can’t happen so suddenly. Grandpa Jim is probably in a coma, perhaps for months; FB will draw out this goodbye until the weekend. (I am surprised they didn’t do more with her being blind. That took suprising amounts of resolve, I’m sure.)

  308. sonneta
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    FOOB (10/4): Aaargh, Lynn, you just couldn’t let him off so easy, could you.

  309. Herro!
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Crud, just a stroke. Poor Jim just can’t catch a break. Maybe he’ll stay comatose and he can enjoy himself in his dreams of harem girls and slinky assisted-living nurses giving him endless sponge baths…

  310. mumbles
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    What’s the over-under as to how long Jim was sitting catatonically before Iris noticed?

    I say a day and a half.

  311. Doug Puthoff
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/comics/Funky_Winkerbean.dtl

    It’s over, it’s all. RIP Lisa Moore. Batiuk has sacrifice your life for increased readership.

  312. Scherzo
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Lil Guy, she’s dead yet.

  313. MonkeyHawk
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    I suspect Chinnuts’s second stroke will cause further brain damage and he’ll start writing as badly as his grandson.

  314. Michael Slavitch
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    He’s Jim, Dead.

  315. dreadedcandiru2
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Well, I’m man enough to admit I was wrong. Odette’s Stacy is the tramp puling up her top and Mom is gonna rub her nose in it. I’m also on the same page as Dad: my knees locked shut too.

  316. Poteet
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I predicted yesterthreadly that it might be a second stroke. So does this mean I’m starting to think the way Lynn does? Kill me now.

  317. Spotted HØrse
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Aw, shucks. So poor Gwampa don’t get to shuffle off, and my glee is misspent. At least I’ll always have Wednesday’s panel 5, wherein Iris transmogrifies into Hella-Dilated Pupils.

  318. Jadis White
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – What did Lynn’s father ever to do her to deserve this? She’s really torturing the old guy. I liked him better as an Ex-Grandpa….

    FW – Why isn’t Les holding his wife, or at least holding her hand, in her last moments? He’s not even facing her! He is standing far far away! If I were Lisa, I’d haunt him forever for that.

  319. Poteet
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    # 35 — Uncle Lumpy, belated awe at your amazingness.

  320. sonneta
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    318- Actually, Lynn’s real father basically didn’t protect her from her abusive mother.

  321. Herro!
    October 3rd, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    313 for COTW!

  322. Loopina
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    #318: I’m with you on FW – Les was in the other room when she died? That sucks ass.
    Alone again, naturally.

  323. reader-who-posts
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    FW: DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! Oh you’re dead…ummm, what a shame?

    FBOFW: DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!! ALL OF YOU, DIE!! ESPECIALLY YOU, GRANTHONY!!!

  324. lesles
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    hey, if we really were to get deathstock ’07 up and running, then for dick tracy to get in on the spirit of it, would it mean that we’d go a whole story arc without someone dying, or that someone gives dick a mini-gun and points him at a protest march?

  325. Loopina
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    FOOB tomorrow: Iris smothers Jim with a pillow, throws a chair through the window, and runs off into the sunset.

  326. Anonymous
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    BB has joined the death pool – RIP baby turtle. We barely knew ye.

  327. Plinko Commie
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    God knows I’ve taken my share of shots at FW lo these many years, but he got it right with Lisa’s passing. An understated, heartbreaking conclusion that had me playing some of Moby’s ambient tracks from Play in my mind as I thumbed through the last three weeks of strips, then to today’s moment. A commendable work, and while I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it in the traditional sense, a good job.

  328. True Fable
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Archie Someone wiser than me, please tell me this: Just how does one make a window shade SLAM shut?
    BB Yeah, rub it in ya little bastards.
    Curtis Ray Billingsly, you are a man of vision and cunning. Take no prisoners.
    JP He doesn’t know what to do with bodacious boobies right in front of him, but by golly, reveal an unscrupulous cur to Sam Driver and he gets all worked up!
    Sam…you need a fuckin’ vacation, man. Go to Paris; screw your wife for a few days.
    MT Gills are like sideburns, right? That muskie needs punchin’.
    MW Yeah, you’re a big help, Wilbur. That’s probably why she DIDN’T bother to TELL YOU ANYTHING in the first place.
    RMMD What is all this leading to? June looks suspicious; does she know Rex is planning to get his own garage cleaned? Or is she pitying him because she knows Niki is a little street hustler who’s going to lift Rex’s wallet once he falls asleep? Why is Rex deliberately avoiding their bed, is June equipped with tiny little stainless steel snips in her nether regions? Just what the hell is with these two?
    TDIET Scaduto’s Law: It is better to be a character in the shadowy second room, than the star victim in the well-lit front room. EVERY TIME.
    FBoFW Well, DAMMIT. Looks like Lynn & Co. are going to get another letter from the Fable. Toying with my emotions, my expectations, my glee…! She’s trying to outdo Tom Batiuk? Why? We already hate her characters and storyline, what worlds are left to conquer?
    FW Okay, ‘bye.

  329. Elly Patterson
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    My dad has been behaving strangely lately. He just sits and stares out the window. He never blinks or seems to breathe, you know? And he’s not taking care of himself, he smells worse every day. Iris has to guess what he’s thinking. She said the other day, “I guess I’ll find out any day now, eh?”

    No idea what that means. I kind of wish Grandpa Jim would start acting normal again so I could talk to him about the problems with Michaell’s publisher. But such is life.

    Iris says if I bring a “planchette” – whatever that is – it will help me talk to Dad. Okay, even if it sounds like something Therese would use in QUEBEC. How could any boy, especially a nice boy like Anthony, run off with someone French and leave my Lizz behind to do God knows what with some … not our people boy in some tiny God-forsaken Native village anyway is beyond me .. anyway, Grandpa Jim.

  330. Dingo
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Lisa, Funky Winkerbean’s gal pal, is dead. Deceased. No more. She has gone to that great teachers’ lounge in the sky, led by no less than Marcel Marceau. Grandpa Jim, on the other hand, has merely had another stroke. Another example of Lynn Johnston dragging things out. Iris, find a nice fluffy pillow already and snuff the stuffin’ out of Jim.

  331. Poteet
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    MT — So Shirley & Co. have to be relocated for the sake of the shopping center even though they are on a lake? That’s a pretty cool deal the developers have worked out. I wonder how much payola it took to make sure the Army Corps of Engineers never heard of this project.

    JP — Somehow this scheme does not equate with what I thought I knew about aquifers, but maybe water behaves differently out West.

  332. Trotzenbonnie
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Is Rex Morgan taking Nikki to the Possum Lodge?

    Hasn’t Al Scaduto used that stingy gourmet cook idea before?

    Do fathers really get that involved with their daughters’ love lives the way Wilbur does?

    Did anyone else have nothing better to do than Google ‘Culver Vale’?

    Would someone explain the last two days of Curtis to me, please? Really. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until someone reveals the secret of its subtle humor to me.

  333. Gold-Digging Nanny
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    I can’t believe Mark Trail actually went there. Bwahahahahahaha!

  334. Frank Parsnip
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    Curtis Dear little Stacy Peterson is on the “Grrls Gone Wild” tape? If Curtis’ mom is upset now, wait ’til she figures out that the filming seems to have occurred in the dad’s office.

    A3G: Tommie had better be careful, as those pink notes could put an eye out.

    ZomBC: With a tongue like that, he ought to have no trouble picking up bar flies as well.

    Beatle Bailey: Finally some acknowlegement that the war is going on everywhere else but at Camp Swampy Interrogation Center. After you’ve waterboarded your prisoners to the point of simulating the pain of organ failure, after you’ve dragged them around by a dog leash and made fun of their genitals, there’s really nothing left to do all day but nap.

    Blondie: Alexander is forgetting to tell his mom she can look anywhere but under his mattress and inside his DVD player. That’s where he has his “Grrls Gone Wild” collection.

    DtM: Dennis has evidently forgotton how his legs work, preferring to play see-saw with a substantially lighter or heavier partner. In such rides, he gets to suddenly go up or down one time, where he’ll stay for a few minutes until he or the other participant gets bored. Tomorrow, we’ll get to see him motionless on a swingset declaring how much more fun it is when someone is pushing. Saturday, we’ll get to see him at the bottom of a slide’s ladder, lamenting the lack of assistants to carry him up to the top.

    MT: To paraphrase Josey Wales: “Leave ‘em. Muskies gotta eat, too.”

    MW: Well, if only Dawn’s dad had known, then he wouldn’t have lent Dr. Drew his membership card for the Mongolian Pony Fanciers Corral that day.

    RMMD: In panel 1, we see from June’s question just how much she understands Rex’s desire for privacy when he’s doing man-boy “fishing” trips. In panel 2, we get Rex looking mighty sly as he points out that Ansel (presumably his procurer of young fresh talent) tells him that nobody goes there at this time of year. Probably because there’s nothing to be caught in Williams River at this time of year — if there were fish, hell, there’d be people. To block all this out, June reverts to her Nagel mode mask.

    Mallard Fillmore: Any day in which Tinsley doesn’t spend time attacking negroes and cripples is a good day within his strip.

    Slylock Fox: Yesterday, Bob Weber Jr. again opened himself up for a direct confrontation with the creationists by drawing dinosaurs: 1) without showing them clearly co-existing within biblical times with man; or 2) as a great big “test” placed on this earth by an all-teasing God. Oh, the letters will come pouring in now….

    But today, the flaws are too easy to find. Look at the size of that dog relative to the man he’s dragging… And that house in the background with a door that reaches nearly all the way to the top of the first floor? What architect would design it with those proportions?!?

    Sally 4th: I’ll be sorely disappointed if Hilary doesn’t start eating the rigatoni off Faye’s clothes. Whether it’s the patent trencherwoman or latent lesbian, I just cannot believe Sally and Ted’s little butterball is going to let that food go to waste.

    FW: Lisa’s parting words to Les are: “I love you.” If she’d had more time, she could have explained that the eternity of mind-blowing group sex she’ll be having with the “Eyes Wide Shut” masked party crowd doesn’t really mean anything.

    Foob: False alarm… Jim just had a few ministrokes there. Now, if we can just get his pants rebuttoned and the TV cleaned up… The problem for Iris is that Jim’s got a lot more strokes (wink-wink) where that came from!

    Jugs Ironingboard Parker: Yes, but if you can get Mr. Caesar to say his name backwards, it will send him back to his home dimension. Try it.

    Archie: The true surprise is that the sign has been instantly replaced with the face of a creepy old hag who shouts “SURPRISE!” But if Jughead really likes surprises as much as he claims, then of course Moose’d be glad to dry-gulch him while throwing a horse-apple right smack in his mouth. Yes, there are all kinds of surprises in this world.

    Spider-Man: Spider-Man is a hero to some… but to others, they know him as arch-villain “Car Roof Denting Man”, bane of auto insurance companies. His little trip to the airport is going to tie up about 200 motorists with subsequent afternoons spent at auto body repair shops. If JJJHitler weren’t so awful himself, I would totally understand why he thinks S-M is a complete prick.

    GT: Hey, look at this, if you insert “Wayne” in place of our middle names, you find people on death row for murder!

  335. Jeff Fecke
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    He’s Not Dead Yet Jim.

  336. Dub Not Dubya
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Josh, #15 Pozzo is right: it should be “led through” not “lead through.”

    FOOB: My dad has been a stroke patient for more than 17 years now. This year, he has been in the hospital, rehab hospital or nursing home since mid-June, and he needs to have still more surgery but has to wait due to some current immune system issues. I wouldn’t wish what he and my family have gone through upon anyone–except for the Pattersons, as long as we don’t have to see it.

  337. Boo Who?
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Not to detract from the craziness that was today’s comics, but I think I have discovered a secret fan of our Josh.

    A minute and a half through a slightly profane video review of Halo 3, there was an image thrown in (watch out, it goes quickly) that I think all of us will recognize. I literally had to pause the video and think to myself, wow, the internet has just come full circle for me.

    If you’re interested, here is the link, but beware the many curse words.

    http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2304-Zero-Punctuation-Halo-3

    Anyway I thought it was awesome.

  338. Helena Handbasket
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    First I thought to myself, “Great, so instead of being frozen in time endlessly caring for a husband with whom she can no longer even speak, Iris will be frozen in time mourning.” Now that Lynn pulled a “gotcha” on us all, I was thinking poor Iris was back to square one, but I’ve realized this is all a brilliant ploy by LJ. She promised not to kill anyone off, but once Grandpa Jim is stuck in an endless coma, she won’t have to revisit his storyline and won’t have to deal with Iris anymore either, since the Patterfoobs are hardly going to visit either of them. She gets all the benefits of a character death without breaking her word.

  339. Non Compost Mentos
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Chinnuts in a coma, I know, I know, it’s serious
    Chinnuts in a coma, I know, I know, it’s really serious…

    There were times when I could have “boxcar’d” him
    But I’d hate anything to happen to him

    Do you really think Lynn is through?
    Do you really think Lynn is through?

    Let me call for the mask-faced guy
    I know
    It’s serious….

  340. Mibbitmaker
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    You sadist, Lynn! You freakin’ sadist! Hey, your dad let your mom abuse you, NOT US! And the cartoonist is supposed to kill off the character. A cartoonist killing a character is a creative decision; a character (obviously Iris) doing it is a social issue. I wanted ol’ obscenechin to just croak, not be a comic strip Terri Schiavo! No let-him-suffer-degradingly vs. killing-is-okee-dokee debates. Let Edison Lee and Mallard Fillmore argue that stuff.

    It originally looked like you were besting Tom Batiuk’s Dirge Emporium yesterday, but (as Hell freezes over!) Tommy-boy actually bested you! Even the fake-out on your part is like FW at its worst, while FW actually does their wrong thing right — and effectively (second only to the all-silent-panels strip when Darrin finally told Lisa he was her son)! Hey, why not get April to do the deed instead of Iris. The bathos would be through the roof. Plus, she has experience. So the lefties can say, “She’s closest to the old boy, let her choke out his remaining breath — with mercy!”, and the right-wingers can say, “See? She murdered Farley, now the grandpa, the heathen tramp!”

    “What is the best?”, Iris? Jim getting a better writer, that’s what’s best.[/rant]

  341. True Fable
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    I just wrote Lynn & Company, asking her to stop the pathos and give Iris a break; anything other than Iris wringing her hands whining about how lonely she is and the Pattersons ignoring her as usual.

    I challenged her to write with compassion, for the sake of stroke victims and their families. Either put Jim out of his misery or let Iris get some help. Let’s see what happens, but I think #338 Helena Handbasket is on the right track. Lynn is going to win by a TKO – technically keeping her word not to off a character. It stinks, but what can ya do.

    When would be a tasteful time to place bets on Linger Time? I say Grampa will linger until, oh say…Christmas, for that Poignant AfterSchool Special type of storyarc. Any longer than that and Lynn is a sadist.

  342. Helena Handbasket
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    GA: Walt is preparing us for his demise. Don’t go in the basement, Walt!

    JP: A Nevada developer is buying up farms to get the water, and, um, keep it in California. Yep, he’s sure got vision, it’s just a bit myopic.

    MW: The relationship between Dawn and Wilbur gets creepier every day of this storyline. Whose hands are those clasped in front of Dawn? Are her hands on her knees in that unnatural way to fend Wilbur off? Is he leaning in for a kiss? Gah!

    Phantom: I can’t help thinking that this is all some huge setup for a Phantom afterschool special about how parents should let their children express themselves or else the kids will become juvenile delinquents, drop out of school, and end up peniless on the streets, begging for money to buy Sharpies to support their tagging habit. Maybe we could have a cameo from Hitler, “If only they had let me paint!” (Does that count as an invocation of Godwin’s Law?)

  343. ColoZ
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    MT: Since the duck is Shirley, can we call the muskie Ed? It’s almost New Hampshire primary season, after all…

  344. The Avocado Avenger
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    FW – I didn’t have a problem with Les not being near her, I think it’s probably that he called the Hospice nurse over to find out if Lisa was gone or not. It’s not particularly realistic, but a lot of the storyline hasn’t been very realistic. Also, I’m sure Batiuk wanted to get that one last jab in, the one where Lisa tells Les she loves him but he isn’t near enough to her to hear it. Because as bad as things are, Batiuk knows, it could be worse.

    FOOB – I hope this isn’t a convenient excuse to keep Grandpa technically alive but not have to put him in the strip. Hoo boy. Lynn has issues with men, that’s all I’m gonna say.

  345. True Fable
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    #344 Avocado Avenger – It’s her wild, intense love of The Fable that does this to her. I can’t help it, I have that affect on quirky, controlling, artistic, emasculating women.

    #213 Lynn J -

    Dear Lynnie J,

    Au contrair, my little northcountry noodnick. It is not that I get off on the death of a character, as much as it is relief in seeing a FOOB bite the big one. And you cheated me out of it! Why, you clever minx. I should spank you but you’d like that so I won’t.

    What I want to know, my little back bacon buttercup, is what in hell is stopping you from sending the Grim Reaper after Michael? If anyone deserved a Charon ride, it’s that self-absorbed piece of work. And little Wobbin has always been of delicate health. When’s he going to poo his last stink and go to that great Mud Pie in the Sky? Or John – yes, the evil one! – when are you going to unleash your bile on The Paunch? Baby, you could go all postal on him and I would applaud.

    I know all this emotional turmoil in your strip is because of the unheaval you feel with my refusal to be your Royal Mattress Tester. But I’m thinking of you, precious cow pattie. You simply could not handle the Red Hot Love that is Fable. I have your best interests in mind, not to mention the fact that I dislike throwing up and try to avoid it whenever possible.

    Face it, O Leathal Lardbutt of the Lakes: The Fable is Not For YOU! Suffer, bitch!

    Obstinately,

    Truman A. Fable
    Considerate Asshat

  346. ArbuckleLovesLyman
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    “when we could be watching Margo screw and/or eviscerate Eric or Lu Ann … do … whatever it is … ”

    When I first read this sentence, I thought you were saying that Margo was going to screw/eviscerate Eric or Lu Ann . . . And I have to say, that would be an interesting direction to take it in . . . .

  347. True Fable
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    A3G Well *yawn* how is Tommie going to ruin this chance to get laid? You know she will; none of these gals ever get a chance for some action. Well, Margo will feed upon the carcasses of her victims but that’s how she swings. Tommie, on the other hand, will grin and rapidly age as she dances her little macabre farewell to dignity, convincing herself all the while that this bland nobody will not fade into obscurity like all the others.
    Those who weren’t consumed by Margo, that is.

  348. The Avocado Avenger
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    #345 – Fable, I fear your manly essence would be too much for the Lynnster.

    Lardbutt of the Lakes. Ha! Seriously, you should get a sitcom or something for that one, it’s pure gold.

  349. Dub Not Dubya
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    Lio goes wonderfully meta today:

    http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2007/10/04/

  350. Lynngineering
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Well, I figured that wasn’t the end. One just has to be cautious with the new hybrid FBOFW. So now we get some xtreme boxcaring of Jim and a chance to show interior monologs maybe, also Iris gets her last moment on stage.

    Comas, in FBOFW, are not much of a surprise melodramatic twist. I would have been much more surprised to have seen Jim just drop off without anyone milking the scenes. After all it ain’t over until April shows up at least. April is the one who always learns from death, whether animals or grandparents… And Jim’s hardly measures up to the Farley level so far…

    And anyway, since this is a tug-of-war between Michael’s coma and Lynn, Grandpa really doesn’t get many options.

    In Michael’s fantasy he is the last remaining Patterson male standing between Michael and the kingdom. Michael will want him to suffer for a bit, bring him down into his level of coma-ville.

    In Lynn’s, as she’s decided to enter back into the fray with rewrites, it seems more unplanned, expressionistic gestures for a free-range editing of past and futures – unless maybe the re-arisen “Super Teddy” is somehow the spirit of Jim.

    As it feels in todays strip, the ultimate melodrama set-up will arise soon, as in who decides Jim’s fate, Iris as wife vs Elly as daughter… and of course, Jim hasn’t any health directive…

  351. Trilobite
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    Just a coma? Man, that sucks. Oh, and that reminds me, here are some Thursday comics:

    Dick Tracy: The CIA guy and Dick Tracy are like a couple of sad high schoolers who hang around on the sidewalk at the end of the date talking about nothing for two hours because neither wants to be the first one to call it a night or the first one to lean in for a kiss. Look, you’ve both already got your eyes closed, so why not just pucker up and go for it? Then you can go back to CIA Headquarters, type up the report, and GO HOME instead of standing around downtown repeating information you already revealed months ago. It’s not like anyone’s genuinely expecting some kind of sensible explanation of the plot at this point, anyway: that became impossible the moment the whole “chip” bullshit was introduced.

    Mark Trail: Think about this, muskie: you’ll get a tasty mouthful of baby-blue duckling, but at what cost? Is it really worth getting punched out by a big, dim-witted, doughy construction foreman and an autistic nature reporter?

    Phantom: I bet her parents get really loud when they’re “‘discussing’ her.” By the way, that’s both the best and the creepiest euphemism for having sex that The Phantom has ever used, and if I weren’t so squicked-out by my own imagination of what they mean by it, I’d applaud them.

    Get Fuzzy: I’ve been listening to a Regina Spektor CD in my car for the past month, and last week I was home playing videogames at around 3pm, so…uh…well, I feel pretty good about both of those things, actually. I’m only mentioning this because sometimes I like to brag.

  352. AppleGirl
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    R.I.P., Lisa.

    and

    Eternal unrest, Jim.

  353. CrabbyGenes
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    Thursday Mark Trail. Did anyone else hear the theme from Jaws in their head when they saw that fish?

  354. The Restless Mouse
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:30 am [Reply]

    If Jim is dead, I sure hope he doesn’t decide to offer his comforting presence like the Family Circus grandfather. That guy creeps me out. Even his widow is sort of creepy. I tolerate them because Thelma is HOT.

  355. Gagott68
    October 4th, 2007 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    Masky McDeath: Bring out yer dead.

    Iris: Here’s one.

    Masky McDeath: That’ll be ninepence.

    Grandpa Jim: I’m not dead.

    Masky McDeath: What?

    Iris: Nothing. There’s your ninepence.

    Grandpa Jim: I’m not dead.

    Masky McDeath: ‘Ere, he says he’s not dead.

    Iris: Yes he is.

    Grandpa Jim: I’m not.

    Masky McDeath: He isn’t.

    Iris: Well, he will be soon, he’s very ill.

    Grandpa Jim: I’m getting better.

    Iris: No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.

    Masky McDeath: Well, I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations.

    Grandpa Jim: I don’t want to go on the cart.

    Iris: Oh, don’t be such a baby.

    Masky McDeath: I can’t take him.

    Grandpa Jim: I feel fine.

    Iris: Oh, do me a favor.

    Masky McDeath: I can’t.

    Iris: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won’t be long.

    Masky McDeath: I promised I’d be at the Moore’s. They’ve lost nine today.

    Iris: Well, when’s your next round?

    Masky McDeath: Thursday.

    Grandpa Jim: I think I’ll go for a walk.

    Iris: You’re not fooling anyone, you know. Isn’t there anything you could do?

    Grandpa Jim: I feel happy. I feel happy.

    [Whack]

    Iris: Ah, thank you very much.

    Masky McDeath: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

    Iris: Right.

  356. Little Guy
    October 4th, 2007 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    312: Scherzo: Is she dead y– Oh.

    Well, is he coma-ed yet?

  357. Gabacho
    October 4th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    Go boxcar yourself, Lynn. You’re need to stop messing with Iris.

  358. smacky
    October 4th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    Since my mother-in-law had surgery in early July (and again in early September) my wife and I have only seen each other on weekends, as she’s hours away taking care of her mom. As a result, most weeknights it’s just me and our two cats. If it weren’t for today’s Get Fuzzy reminding me of recent conversations I’ve had with the cats (admittedly more one-sided in my house), today’s comics would leave me sad.

    We need a new crazy story line. Drew Corey is either wrapping up or about to win Dawn back, JP is in an endless “water rights” story, Rex is an endless series of way-too-easy pedophile jokes, and who gives a crap about dull Tommie? I want Aldo, or the crazy alcoholic wife of the candidate in JP, heck, even another gas leak in a studio would be nice. Death, death, death, stroke, death… I get it.

  359. smacky
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    Oh wait, I guess Drew will try to win Vera Panty Shields back, not Dawn. I simply don’t care enough about him. I hope Von comes to Charterstone to defend his sister’s honor. Is that too much to ask? Two Ken dolls bitch-slapping each other at the next pool party would be cool.

  360. True Fable
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    #359 Smacky – don’t forget Mark Trail’s maleficent muskie, manhandling mallards much more maliciously than Margo.

    mmm mmm good!

  361. Allie Cat
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    Craaaaaaaaaaap! I have to go catch a plane and the Chron.com stuff is margoed up – so I know what’s up with Jim – he’s prime rib.

    But what of Lisa?

    I know, I know – if it’s Thursday, I must be dead.

    Oh well – I’ll play catch up on Sunday.

    Snark well, fellow mudges.

  362. Allie Cat
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    Oh -whew – it fixed itself!

    OK – well, that was…kind of nice, kind of anti-climactic.

    Off to the Big Apple!

  363. Krazy Kat
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    This week….on a very special For Better or for Worse…

  364. Whippersnapper
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    Geez, you know the comics are bad when even G.E. Chennux is depressed. Buck up, big guy! Would a little syrup dance cheer you up? I’ve got my dancing shoes right here.

  365. Fifi
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Went to the FBOFW main site, Jim is not dead but in the hospital.

  366. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    I know we’ll get a new thread about a half hour after I leave for work, but, what the hell! Let’s snark anyway! I feel like a duck building her nest on a flood plain. Or a Funky Winkerbean character planning his retirement. Or a Dick Tracy villain sprinting for the Rotunda. Let’s do this thing!

    A3G: Hold me closer, Tommie dancer
    Count the pink notes in the hallway
    Wear me down with waves of blandness
    You had a listless day today.

    Archie: Ah, yes, the immortal words of “Poem”! What fair maiden’s heart can resist the stirring romantic images of “Poem”? I’ve always thought that was one of Author’s best works.

    BB: MORE death in the comics!? Okay, FBOFW I can take. FW is a walk in the park. But what did this totally innocent baby turtle do to deserve this treatment? To be brought into the world only to die for a cheap punch line?! I loved that turtle! That turtle reminded me of myself when I was… a… a turtle! Curses upon you, um, whoever it is who does Baby Blues!!!

    Curtis: I love Diane’s devious look in panel 4. She knows that revenge is a dish best served HOT… with syrup.

    FC: “The same reason you’re called ‘Dolly’ even though you’re not a cute, loveable figurine. Now go fill up Grandma’s enema bag like I told you five minutes ago.”

    FBOFW: We may want to give Lynn credit as some kind of schemer for trying to steal Batiuk’s thunder, but we all know the real reason for laying Jim low with another stroke is far, far more cynical: as a framing device for another month of repeats-cum-flashbacks, this time of Jim and Iris’ initial romance. And when it’s done, he’ll wake up, still “boxcar”ing away… no better nor worse. Next, Edgar gets hit by a car, and we spend a month flashing back to Farley’s death. This is what it’s gonna be, people. Settle in for the long haul.

    GT: “According to this page, Culver Lee Vale is 22 and was just released after serving six months in county lockup for punching his wife in a liquor store parking lot. Huh! Okay, Google me next.”

    SF: I don’t think it’s fakery they’re sniffing out, Faye. I think it’s the rigatoni. Seriously, you could have cleaned up a bit before getting on the bus, couldn’t you?

    TDIET: I call repeats on this one!

  367. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Melkardammit, RBMA is fwinked again! How can they stay in business operating like this?

  368. Keg of Curd
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    H&J: I always include bibliographic footnotes in my own private thought bubbles. I bet you do, too. Of course, as the classical Greek philosopher Socrates, born ca. 470 BC, once said, “That punchline don’t make a lick a’ sense there anyway, boy.”

    Drabble: Furreal, can someone tell me if that… small… thing is supposed to be a school-age child?

    Mallard: Be wary, o unidentified caricature lady! Bears are crazy. They’ll bite your head if you’re wearing a steak on it.

    Six Chix: Check out the quasi Hokusai style there! If you deleted the kayakers and the braindead nonjoke, the remaining serene panel would be better than 97% of its competition today.

  369. benro
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    A3G – Tommie feels a spark. In other news. 23 die in crowded Jazz Club fire.

    FW – Hey Masky McDeath, while you’re here, take Ed Crankshaft with you too, PLEASE!!

  370. ThisWas
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Liberty Meadows 10/4 Death wears a white mask. And I ain’t talking Funky Winkerbean.

  371. Keg of Curd
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Ziggy thinks the machine is a good bet, ’cause he’s always the first to come.

  372. The Divine O’F
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE, AFTER-DEATH EDITION:

    No Credit today! I’m pissed as hell!

    Funky’s an anticlimax, and FOOB is a total cheat! I was so excited to think that Lynn had the balls to upstage Batiuk. Turns out she’s just dragging out the “present day” Foob story and planning to maroon Grampa in his hideous helplessness for eternity. May Lynn and Batiuk rot in each others’ idea of hell.

    On the other hand, Spider Brick’s comment at 303 cracked me up.

  373. Katie
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    RMMD: There was an article in the WSJ a week or two ago about men are afraid of being labeled pedophiles, they aren’t volunteering anymore. So, I’ve tried for the last week not to label RMMD as one. But what the heck, is with the secrecy and weirdness? And in a post-Brokeback world “fishing” trips with flannel shirts clearly mean sex. If only June would do what Michelle Williams character did and leave a little note in Rex’s lunchbox; perhaps one that says “I’m going to call the cops.” But then, Rex thinks he is one, so that probably wouldn’t work.

  374. John C Fremont
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    “As the mother duck and her youngsters enjoy the water, they are unaware of a Humphrey-Muskie below them.”

    # 343 – Sorry, ColoZ! I know you already made an Edmund Muskie reference, but I just couldn’t resist. On reflection, maybe I should have resisted.

    Foob – I feel bad that I’m disappointed that Grampa Jim is alive. I’m a bad, bad person.

  375. Gagott68
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    S-M: If MJ barfs on Spider-Man that would make up for a lot of the recent stupidity.

  376. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    10/4 (The Day of the Finicky Color Comics)

    A3G: Of course she feels a spark. Gary has been dragging his feet on shag carpet all day.

    Crock: The oral sex jokes just write themselves.

    GA: Don’t go into the house, bitch!

    SFx: The kids are Shanghaiing customers by siccing their dog on passers-by. Does that count as a mistake?

    RMMD: From the shadows, Rex assures June that the cabin is deserted. Meanwhile a second Rex has opened up business in his skull. We all assumed he was going to sodomize Niki upstate. Now I’m wondering if he’s planning to turn him into a leather jacket instead.

    BSt: Have the Pattersons tried this line on Gwampa Jim?

    Big Dog: Marmaduke has fulfilled his destiny of becoming a walking hallucinogen.

    Marvin: Is anyone else concerned that Marvin’s friend is grey at the temples?

    H&J: Herb is a coward and proud of it.

    Luann: You’d think that teen sex in the comics would still arouse a little controversy. Yet TJ and Tiffany are taking turns screwing Luann, and no one says anything about it.

    MC: The aardvark community is going to be highly offended at being associated with Hitler. Get ready for some spicy reader mail, Ed.

  377. Little Guy
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    355:

    Grandpa Jim: I don’t want to go on the cart.

    Iris: Oh, don’t be such a baby poutyface.

    Fixed it for you.

    S-M, or is that “Spider-Barf”?

  378. Tweeks_Coffee
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Archie: Mr. Lodge closes the blinds and the sound effect is “Slam!”?
    DtM: Looks like Dennis decided to oust Joey in favor of a more sturdy friend. Ditching the weak kid in favor of more average friends; 8 on the menace scale.
    GT: Listen, if you’re going to pull off this Clark Kent alter ego, you’re going to have to learn to do some reporting. There’s more to it than just putting on some glasses and greasing your hair down.
    MT: But…but…that fish doesn’t have facial hair! How the heck is Mark supposed to punch it into the next century?
    Teena: Isn’t Teena supposed to be, like, 14? How many girls are really having doll parties still at that age?
    RMMD: Yeah, because that’s not creepy at all, Rex. Never mind the fact that you’re hauling a kid off to an isolated cabin for an indeterminate amount of time. Now you’re not even going to bother renting a cabin and just break into one that you know is always unoccupied?
    S4th: The most disturbing thing about this strip; the impossible perchment of that hat on the kid in front of them. is it actually touching his head at all?
    Archie: Mr. Lodge closes the blinds and the sound effect is “Slam!”?
    DtM: Looks like Dennis decided to oust Joey in favor of a more sturdy friend. Ditching the weak kid in favor of more average friends; 8 on the menace scale.
    GT: Listen, if you’re going to pull off this Clark Kent alter ego, you’re going to have to learn to do some reporting. There’s more to it than just putting on some glasses and greasing your hair down.
    MT: But…but…that fish doesn’t have facial hair! How the heck is Mark supposed to punch it into the next century?
    Teena: Isn’t Teena supposed to be, like, 14? How many girls are really having doll parties still at that age?
    RMMD: Yeah, because that’s not creepy at all, Rex. Never mind the fact that you’re hauling a kid off to an isolated cabin for an indeterminate amount of time. Now you’re not even going to bother renting a cabin and just break into one that you know is always unoccupied?

  379. Tweeks_Coffee
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    #378 – me: Oh Christ, that’s embarrassing. I’d accidentally duplicated my post and was trying to delete it when I guess I hit the post button. I wasn’t even done yet, so…

    TDIET: This is a blatant duplicate of a previous entry. I think last time it involved squid, though. So if I just look up some TDIET archives and submit an old one in there, can I get myself a TDIET?

  380. bats :[
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    349. Dub: at least Lio can take some consolation in the fact that readers prefer “Nancy” only because of the occasional glimpses of hawt Aunt Fritzi.

  381. sangwij
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Why is there a tiny second head superimposed on Rex’s head? Is it a visual representation of Rex’s deeply closeted state? Or, similarly, is it meant to be voicing words that Rex is not actually speaking out loud?
    Either way, June is obviously not taken in. She stares straight at mini-Rex with an expression of malevolence and contempt.
    Come on, June. Do something. For God’s sake, do something.

  382. feh.
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Now we get weeks of Jim laying there thinking “funny” comebacks about Iris and Ellie.
    LJ should put him in one of those special chairs like the one in OldSkool Star Trek, with the lights across the front to blink yes and no, with another light for BOXCAR.
    Iris: Jim, here’s your oatmeal. I sprinkled prunes in it.
    Jim: BOXCAR!BOXCAR!NO!BOXCAR!

  383. bats :[
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    FOOB: well, it was too much to hope for dignity, hope, closure, yada, yada. I suppose we should’ve figured LJ was going to milk this for all it was worth.
    But ya know, LJ, True Fable’s bodacious back bacon of love? His derrierilicious dairy damsel of domestic distress and depression? I can milk it, too!
    http://www.yo-god.com/comics/bats/bats33.jpg

    (Thanks, Dean Booth, for the space!)

  384. Jeff Fecke
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Masky McDeath: Bring out yer dead.

    Iris: Here’s one.

    Masky McDeath: That’ll be ninepence.

    Grandpa Jim: Boxcar! #&$#!

    Masky McDeath: What?

    Iris: Nothing. There’s your ninepence.

  385. Dennis Jimenez
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Alternate line in panel three – I see the book Alexander, but why is everything covered with jizz?

    DtM – A true menace would jump off when unsuspecting ’80s Cleveland Indians fan is at the top.

    FBoFW – The grim reaper hovers over gwampa Jim – oh wait, that just Iris.

    MT – Morale – Cute = Goodness – Fish Slimy = Evil. E.g.. Harp seal clubbing = bad – McNugget in teriyaki sauce = delicious!

    MW – Ick – well maybe it’s innocent enough – no – ICK!

    RMMD – WTF – This might make some sense if the circle depicted Rex’s inner thoughts of jumping Niki’s bones – I’ve no idea what the shifty-eyed no-problemo Rex face is supposed to represent – unless….

    TDIET – Sure – ridicule the retarded – real nice L. Wornoff. How ’bout, Angelica never asks anybody to look at pictures of her li’l darlin’ daughter, but Cliff Palate, with the harelip kid? He’s got a wallet full to share! OH YEAH!

    JP – Here’s your chance Bil – tell Dolly all about how to ride daddy’s special pony.

  386. Fightin Vague Shape
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MT: Faster, Fishie! Kill! Kill! (I have bloodlust in my heart, and Mark Trail is its only outlet.)

    GA: Is it just me, or is everyone in this strip a criminal? Here we have the 159-year-old Walt breaking and entering.

    GT: Oh, right. It’s your use of Google that makes you lame, not the fact that you’ve completed fewer passes this year than Maria Von Trapp.

    Pluggers: Ewwwwww. Bunny-plugger is sending Baby Bunny-plugger to bed so she and Daddy-Bunny-Plugger can breed. Like bunnies. (And looking back at that, I realize that bunny-plugger could be taken in a different context by those with dirty minds, but I like it that way.)

    TDIET: Actually, Julia Child once devoted a 6-episode series to clotting with scrod.

  387. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    386 – that’s not Walt, that’s he’s adopted son Skeezix, who’s only 86 or so.

  388. gh
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    NYer Cartoon Caption Blowout! Final Clearance!! All Captions MUST GO!!

    “I found this on the copier.” — $2.99!!

    “So sand in your eye is supposed to be funny?” — $2.99!!

    “I’m not sure they’ll get the reference to Dante’s Ninth Circle of Hell” — $2.99!!

    “Recognize this?” — $2.99!!

    “I told you no more Sartre jokes!” — $2.99!!

    “You know, dying from dehydration really isn’t that funny.” — $2.99!!

    “For this I pay you $6.25 an hour?!” — $2.99!!

    “So … the tree falls, then he hears it?” — $2.99!!

    “Add a mloxl. Mloxls are funny.” — $2.99!!

    “Disney’s already optioned the movie rights so it goddam better be funny.” — $2.99!!

    “He seems depressed.” — $2.99!!

    “Don’t change a thing!” — $1.99!!

    “He should have an iPhone.” — $1.99!!

    “What? Are you blind?” — $1.99!!

    “Needs more clichés.” — $1.99!!

    “It’s funny, but not funny funny.” – $1.99!!

    “I’d explain it, but then I’d have to kill you.” – $1.99!!

    “OK, so we go with ‘A Plugger doesn’t own mineral rights.’” – only 99¢!!!!!

    So come on down! Free balloons for the kiddies! Open till midnight!

  389. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    A3G – So…I’m no dance expert, but they appear to be waltzing. What song do you think is making Tommie feel a “spark?” My money’s on The Blue Danube – I think Tales From The Vienna Woods is just too lively for Ms. Thompson’s tastes.

    Curtis – Okay, I know we’ve been predicting this for about a week now, but I seriously was kind of not expecting it. The best part? Diane’s expression in the final panel. This is going to be beautiful.

    DTM – Neither Dennis nor Joey possess the ability to push against the ground with their legs, apparently.

    DT – Guest starring Peter Graves as Agent O’Brien.

    FOOB – Ah, dammit. While the stealing-of-thunder was awesome, I was really hoping the poor guy had escaped the horrors of the FOOBiverse. Well, let’s hope that his shuffling-off isn’t too far in the future.

    FW – *ahem* AHHHHHHH GODDAMMIT FUCK YOU TOM BATIUK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU SMUG SELF-RIGHTEOUS EGOTISTIC SADISTIC SON-OF-A-BITCH BASTARD ASSHOLE

    …Don’t look at me like that. You know he had it coming. Hell, I barely scratched the surface.

    Garfield – Oh no, Rex Morgan Syndrome is catching!

    GA – As totally out-of-nowhere as it is, I like the idea of Gasoline Alley suddenly switching gears into a Halloween storyline, like what Garfield did back when it was still good.

    Marmaduke – I clicked on today’s Marmaduke wondering if anything could possibly be as brain-blastingly stupid as yesterday’s. Frighteningly, the answer turned out to be “yes.”

    MT – I was going to remark about the fact that the muskelunge is drawn with eyes that have a white and a pupil, but then I looked it up on Wikipedia just to make sure, and it turns out that most fish do. And when I think about it, all the fish I’ve ever seen have. I don’t know why I thought they didn’t. Anyway, that is one truly cool muskelunge drawing – if only Elrod had given us a nice full-body shot. I’m sure it’s been said before, but even with all the Fists O’ Justice, facial-haired villains, and talking genitals and potatoes, the very best part of this strip is Elrod’s animal art.

    MC – I’m trying to picture Hitler as an aardvark. I dunno, his nose just wasn’t all that prominent. Besides, we’re forgetting something.

    OBH – Ruthie displays some great facial expressions, but panel three is truly priceless.

    RMMD – Whoa – looks like AhClem was right about that Eightball prediction yesterday. I mean, there’s no way this isn’t foreshadowing.

    TDIET – “Scrod clotted.” New favorite adjective ever.

  390. Tex LeBeauf
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Today’s NYTimes reports that Funky’s storyline is going to jump forward ten years now rather than deal with the depressing aftermath of Lisa’s death. Does this mean we’re going to be cheated out of the smirky funeral we’ve been waiting for?

  391. Al
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    RMMD — As Opus once said: “Foreshadowing: your key to quality literature!”

  392. anonymous
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW – I was expecting something….more….than this quick waltz off into the void with the Phantom.
    When I go over the Rainbow Bridge, I expect I will ‘see all the cats/dogs I have ever loved waiting for me. Or my grandmother. Or some dude in a red suit holding a pitchfork (is it getting hot in here?).

    BTW – GRANPA FOOB is NOT DEAD. Quit saying he’s dead, he is NOT DEAD. He is as good as dead, but they aren’t going to be scattering his ashes any time in the near future.

  393. Wally LimpingBean
    October 4th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Who is the Mask of the Funkydeath going to visit next?

    Montoni?

    Funky?

    Harry Dinkle? (I SAID HARRY DINKLE . . . oh never mind)

    Wally and the IED that made him DOA?

    Becky’s right arm?

  394. The Divine O’F
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    383 bats: ah, if only.

    388 gh: I hope you sell out, but I hear nobody’s buying. My favorite is the tree falling one.

  395. gh
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    #394 The Divine O’F –

    Think I can get a tax write-off? I’ve got to move all this out before the next shipment arrives Monday.

    Maybe I’ll use the tree one. I’m kinda fond of the “copier” and “depressed” ones though.

  396. natotx
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Since so many of us use Chron.com to read the comics, here is the Chronicles story about Lisa’s death
    http://chron.com/disp/story.mpl/headline/entertainment/5185479.html

    I really like this “”They are getting ahold of me and saying they are gratified that somebody is doing this and that somebody is telling the true story, which is very, very nice. And that’s the majority.”

    blerrghhhhh…

  397. calico
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Calico Mom update – much happier than the comics!

    She developed sepsis the other day due to the doc having to go back into her chest to stop some bleeding, most likely caused by thin blood due to alcohol abuse – but her fever is gone and her temp is back to normal today.

    Still intubated due to the Ativan she needs for the chronic booze intake/withdrawal, but she is responding well and knows I’m there for her, and really wants to talk. I told her not yet!

    Elly Patterson finally had some good advice today -dn’t ask “what if” – just stay positive.

    Thanks all for your good energy and wishes.
    BTW, it looks like Chron and DailyInk are having probs today…maybe everyone accessing at once due to FOOB and FW?

  398. Marco Frisbee
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Wait a sec – this morning Seattle P.I. had whatshisname in Afghanistan pounding away an email – the link has now been farked. Others had the big moment. Is Afro McDeath playing with the servers??

  399. Dan Coyle
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Sherman’s Lagoon: Man, those were some cheap jokes, but I laughed anyway.

    Jump Start: Strips focusing on Joe’s dad are usually still good, and implausible as this is, it doesn’t disappoint. “That WAS pretty cool!” “SHUT UP!”

    Edge City: Yes, your hippie dingbat mother will NOT get attention by standing on a sidewalk and protesting Hummer sales. Dude, don’t you read Edge City?

    Lio: Once again, as awful as Heart in the City is, this is genius.

    Funky Winkerbean: Aw, she didn’t get to tell Les she loved him. Poor Les. Lisa? Oh, well, she’s dead, but Les is the one Batiuk cares about. Maybe Les will be testifying before congress demanding more cancer research.

  400. AhClem
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    #397 calico -
    Good news! I hope she continues to improve and regain strength, unlike certain comic characters that have been mentioned here once or twice the past few days.

  401. Lake Eerie
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    New Yorker caption:
    “I told you – no more existential strips about modern day alienation.”

  402. Gagott68
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    >>

    He’s only MOSTLY dead…

  403. Gagott68
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    392…He’s only MOSTLY dead.

  404. Lake Eerie
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Additional NYer captions, for no one’s amusement but my own:
    “Not bad, but can you also give him cancer?”
    “I’d recognize this anywhere … this is a Ziggy!!!”
    “Melmac, what a zingblitz.”

  405. mir777
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    I think Iris may be the Grim Reaper. Look at the inky homicidal look in her eyes…

  406. will
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Not getting any of the color comics from the Chron. I can’t see Lisa kick the bucket or the amazing adventures of Shirley’s blue chicks.

  407. Hank
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Yeah, I can’t open the color comics in the Chron either.

  408. Dicky
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy: I think that Mark Trail speech bubble disease is spreading. I swear it’s Rob’s shirt in the first panel that is speaking.

    PBS: Rat should not be doing that part of the job. That’s for the aggravating voice recognition software that can’t figure out what you’re saying. And even then, how many companies haven’t considered moving or have moved their customer service operations overseas or out of more worker oriented states?

    Garfield: Jon is shocked that Garfield wants to recreate the Syrup Edition of Girls Gone Wild.

  409. Kate
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Albatross, your chronicles of Moldy and your father made me read. I could not help it. What amazing stories, especially because they were simply small flashes from life beautifully told.

    And “Does he have a cape on?” — gggggghhhghghghg

  410. Kate
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I just read today’s FW, delayed because Chron had trouble showing it. Mutherfucker Tom Batiuk. You shithead, you pile it on just because you can. That isn’t showing death with dignity or death with love. That’s just ejaculating all over your pathetic puppets.

  411. Quiet Mime
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    RxMMD: Doesn’t Big Brothers Big Sisters have a rule about the Big not being absolutely alone with the Little? The Boy Scouts prohibit this type of one-on-one adventure. Rex would be reminded to have a second adult or would be asked to leave the troop if he pulled this in a scouting unit. I checked the BSBS webpage and couldn’t find a thing on avoiding this situation — guess they haven’t been sued enough.

  412. bats :[
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    381. sangwij : June’s probably just recalling the phone number she memorized for NBC’s “To Catch a Predator.”

    382. feh.: I will gladly donate the refrigerator box for Capt. Chinnux’s retro Star Trek Rascal (BEEP!).

    396. natotx: maybe Batuiuiyecchk’s handlers don’t let him see the “bad” emails and letters. Then again, he seems enough of a swelled head that any attention is wonderful, good, bad or indifferent.

    Idle commentary on FW…Les being so clueless about this whole ordeal that the response to the hospice worker’s “She’s gone.” is “Gone? Gone where? To the store? But she’s right there!”.

    YAY YAY YAY! for Calico’s mom! Go go go!

  413. Lockestep
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Re: Foobs
    Lynn is going to turn the whole strip into a three panel Family Circus, and needed to kill off Grandpa Jim so he can drop in from heaven from time to time. You know, so he can point little Meradeath to the Chinese lead-painted toys in Wal-Mart, and other Guardian Angel sorts of things.

  414. Professor Fate
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    FW: At least he didn’t toss in a ‘don’t fear the reaper’ reference – although i don’t know why, he’s hit every other damn cliche in the book. Why he missed that one is an odd lapse in bad taste.

    That said – this strip almost worked – but well so many other things have been done wrong you just want him to shut up and go back to normal misery

  415. Spotted HØrse
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    #397: Great news about your mom, Calico! Hooray!

  416. El Santo
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Well, I posted my opinion on the Lisa Moore death in my blog. It’s actually skewed towards “positive.”

    My blog

    Also, I have a copy of the Funky WInkerbean strip on my site for those who can’t see the strip on the Chronicle.

  417. Dennis Jimenez
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Baby I’m you mime.

  418. Henry
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    The comments seem a little brutal. I’m a cynical guy and all, but I was deeply moved by FW.

  419. Spotted HØrse
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    #382 feh.:

    LJ should put him in one of those special chairs like the one in OldSkool Star Trek, with the lights across the front to blink yes and no, with another light for BOXCAR.

    Fwinkin’ GENIUS, man. This visual makes me almost more happy than I can stand.

    Iris: Jim, here’s your oatmeal. I sprinkled prunes in it.
    Jim: BOXCAR!BOXCAR!NO!BOXCAR!

    OMG… dis funny is magically dee-lish!

  420. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    #418 Henry – No, no, no. They’re not brutal enough. This entire thing has been a ploy on Batiuk’s part to gain attention and acclaim without having to do any of the hard stuff – the abbreviated, show-a-few-indignities-and-move-on nature of the past few weeks has been proof enough of that, and the fact that he’s skipping on ahead to avoid tackling the aftermath and the questions it would raise for his characters only makes it more clear that he’s only in it for the acclaim. I hope the American Cancer Society is happy, because their ringing endorsement of this son-of-a-bitch only spurred him on to this further manipulation of cancer sufferers, cancer survivors, and their friends and loved ones, from which he has garnered further acclaim.

    Batiuk, you make me fucking SICK.

  421. Spotted HØrse
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    #410: Rage on, Kate! Hey, what about Batiuk ejaculating on LJ’s pathetic puppets instead? That way, we get some Funky Winkerbean on our FOOBs.

  422. Quäsenbo Pan
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    To all the posters who have shared their personal experiences of a loved one dying of cancer — Thank You. I watched my grandfather die of lung cancer ten years ago (and, by the way, that is not how you want to die). Although I share most of y’all’s revulsion at how Batiuk has handled this storyline, all I can say is that the end, at least, was dignified. Well…dignified plus a masked butler. Which equals…um…not dignified at all! I mean, if the masked butler had been a beloved character in the strip — maybe, I don’t know, a father figure to Lisa — who passed away years ago in a tragic Baked Alaska accident, then sure, send him in to act in Lisa’s final moments of brain activity. I swear, if this strip has somehow put a subliminal image of death into my head, and that goddamn butler shows up when my time comes, I swear I will come back and sue Batiuk and his heirs from beyond the grave.

    That said, I will poke my eyes out, one by one, before I subject myself to the smirking “celebration of life” that is sure to follow in the mercifully few remaining FW strips before the jump to the future.

  423. Xana
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    This is, like, the saddest post ever.

    And I still can’t take them seriously.

  424. Kate
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    421, Spotted H[funny o]rse:

    …ew. You win.

  425. fizzy logic
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Thank you for making me laugh today, Darby Conley.

  426. Botzentronnie
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    I swore I would not make another peep about FW so I’m posting this under a pseudonym –
    Quote from the Chron article: ‘Batiuk said he didn’t want to go though a year or more of mourning with Lisa’s widower…’
    Either you’re an asshat, Batiuik, or a coward or you haven’t got a clue how to tell that story because, unlike Lisa, you survived. How can you separate death from mourning. You just took a chain saw to your readers’ hearts and you won’t even offer them a frickin band-aid.
    Putz.

    And now let’s get back to our regularly scheduled program….

  427. Krazy Kat
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    FOOB- Looks like Lynn is getting ready to knock grandpa off the page.

  428. gh
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    #426 Botzentronnie –

    Yeah. Dealing with people in mourning. Boring! Just send Les a card, Batiuk. Wal-Mart’s got them for 99¢ now.

  429. Henry
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Commodorejohn:

    You are probably right. I think in the last years, I’ve kind of lost my feeling for the standard tone of many web postings–notably irony and snarkiness.

    For me, I just want to applaud any real statement of emotion–rendered without quotation marks around them–even if it seems lame and an attempt to gain attention.

    I’m probably a big wuss–but once in a while I am more excited about someone trying to say something real about human experience (even if it is half-baked) then some snide comment–i.e. the tone of David Spade on his Comedy Central show.

    -henry

  430. Trotzenbonnie
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    #366 – SSB
    Me too! (see #2)
    http://joshreads.com/?p=1275#comment-338609

    Calico – we’re here for you. Big hugs.

    #411 – Quiet Mime
    Bigs can be alone with their littles. They go through a pretty extensive interview process that hopefully reveals any creepiness (I doubt Rex Morgan would pass). But overnight trips were frowned on and had to be approved by the agency.

    #410 – Kate
    Ssssssssssssssss! That’s hot stuff! Go get him!

  431. Howard Erk
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    If you laughed at Get Fussy today, you really need therapy.

  432. Lake Eerie
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    431 Howard – can you recommend a good therapist, Howard?

  433. Pedant Patrol
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #431 Howard Erk –

    Aww. Sounds like someone needs a kitty.

  434. Spotted HØrse
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey, this hungry muskie is sportin’ more kohl than Captain Jack Sparrow!
    In the absence of facial hair, perhaps Mark will punch its eyelashes off.

  435. fizzy logic
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Thank you for making me laugh today, Howard Erk.

  436. will
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    The Chron is working again.

    TDIET: I’m sure I’ve seen this same peeve detailed before. Is Al in reruns?

    Slylock: I don’t buy the shirt-sleeve being a mistake. How do we know that the guy doesn’t buy irregular clothes?

    FW: thank God that’s over.

  437. will
    October 4th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    431: I laughed at it. Bucky had him dead to rights.

  438. gh
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    #435 fizzy logic –

    Touché!

  439. Quäsenbo Pan
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    And, by the way, you cancer survivors — you rock!! (I’m not sure I’ve ever used that expression before. You young’uns — did I do it right?) Bejus H. Margo, I wish one of you could knock Batiuk off his high horse and tell the millions of people he reaches what courage and dignity are really about!

  440. Spotted HØrse
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    #424: Apologies, Kate… sometimes I see it before I say it, and then, I say it anyway. Bringing the squick with a bushel barrell! Bleah.

  441. Howard Erk
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Guess what, we are all terminal. Unless you are the son of god, you are going to die.

  442. natotx
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #431 –

    Not only did I laugh, but I am laughing now just thinking about it… “says the man in his underwear at 3pm…”

  443. Ghost Riders in the Foob
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Ghost-who-paints-over: A brand new euphemism for sex: “‘discussing’ me”.

  444. Dan Coyle
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Botzentronnie: exactly. Batiuk drags his characters through the mud, he owes his fans seeing them learning how to get up out of it. But he doesn’t want to portray Les as miserable and weak. That was Lisa’s job.

  445. Quäsenbo Pan
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    #441 Howard Erk: Of course. Impermanent are all formations; observe this carefully, constantly.

    And I don’t have a problem with Death in the Comics. Right now, it’s primarily Prolonged Bathos in the Comics, with a special guest appearance by Masked Butler.

    I’m honestly torn. Clearly, at least on this page, the FW story has elicited a great deal of honest dialogue (and monologue) about mortality and grief. That is a good thing. But it has also elicited a great deal of anger, from people who know what it’s like to battle this, and sometimes to lose. So perhaps (as I originally intended to say in my earlier post) however we may disagree about FW’s approach to the reality of death, it is good that it is being approached at all. I’m not sure I agree with those who say such matters don’t have a place in the “comics”.

    P.S. It’s not quite 3 p.m., but I’m still in my underwear.

  446. Razmytaz
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: So do I make my lame joke again about this time Mark uses his “Left (fishing) Hook-o-Justice” on the mascara-muskie? (Garsh, am I that anxious for notice from my fellow minioins?)

    Gil Thorp: The weird “Painted on” look of the glasses on LG Howard as he turns his head is proof that the aliens who do GT are in fact from another dimension where standard laws of perspective don’t apply. Or that he’s actually wearing swim goggles.

    Josh: When I mentioned to my ninth grader son that you would be at the Small Press Expo, he expressed a little apprehension at “running into you” as he imagined that you might be too “cutting” in personal conversation. I told him that it was the comics that get snarked… not the curminions.

  447. Lucy’s Spunk
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    From #96 natox’s link:
    Batiuk is ready to bring some hope to the story line and will make adjustments to the strip, he said. After Lisa’s death, the Funky Winkerbean timeline jumps ahead 10 years. Batiuk said he didn’t want to go though a year or more of mourning with Lisa’s widower, Les, and he wanted to move the characters forward.

    Delurking to say, why the hell not? Batiuk was so high and mighty about “keeping it real”…why not take it to the next logical point?

    I lost my mom to complications from breast cancer 12 years ago. While I have pretty much gotten to the point in my life to when I do think of her (which is every day) I can do so with a smile. But you want to keep it real Batiuk? Let’s talk about the first Thanksgiving and Christmas where is an empty seat at the dining room table. Let’s talk about dreading the emotional minefield that is the first two weeks of May, not only because it’s around the anniversary of her death but because of the imminent apporach of Morther’s Day. It was a good 6-7 years after Mom died before I could even venture out of the house or watch TV on Mother’s Day weekend because seeing as much a Hallmark commercial or someone greeting me with a “Happy Mother’s Day” would knock me flat on my ass, reducing me to a sobbing mess until the weekend was over.

    I wasn’t a big fan of this storyline but I could deal, that is until reading that above quote. The fact that Batiuk is treating Les’ and Summer’s (and everyone else’s) grief, and coming to terms with this life-changing event as an afterthought by jumping forward 10 years just shows me that he was all about the melodrama and sensationalism, and not at all about keeping it real. If that’s not the definition of a hack I don’t know what is.

  448. Comix Grrl
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy—

    (#35)

    sheer genius. Loved it.

  449. flubby
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    FW is jumping forward 10 years??? Cool. I hope they have flying cars by then.

  450. Bitter Scribe
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Doesn’t Herb have a garage full of things he’s borrowed from Dagwood? And now he’s repossessing his umbrella during a rainstorm? Why does Dag put up with him?

    Of course, asking “why” questions about “Blondie” is like picking your cuticles: Once you start, it’s almost impossible to stop. Why doesn’t Dagwood get a new job? Why does he keep eating lunch at that diner whose counterman hasn’t changed his greasy apron since the Carter administration? Why doesn’t he learn to look where he’s going after the 145,392,023th time he crashes into the mailman on the way out the door? Why is their no perceptible age difference between him and his son, or his wife and their daughter? Et cetera, ad nauseum.

  451. Howard Erk
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    If Get Fussy is the best we can do, then the terrorists have won.

  452. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #449 flubby – Well, they had ‘em in 2015 when Doc, Marty, and Jennifer popped in for a visit, so they should still have ‘em in 2017, unless they’ve invented teleporters by then. I just hope we get to see Summer getting around on one of those awesome hoverboards.

  453. Gold-Digging Nanny
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    370 — Just in case you didn’t get the reference, the Death figure in Liberty Meadows is from Ingmar Bergman’s The Seventh Seal. Now that tops Masky McDeath. (Hey, somebody had to do it…. I’m looking at you, Lynnie J.! You could have showed a lot of class … but I should have known better than to expect class from you. I’ve already seen your table manners.)

  454. flubby
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    452 C.J. – plus maybe Wally can tell us how that whole war on terror thing wound up (if he’s home by then, of course)

  455. ralph
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    372, Divine One. Hurray for you!
    You said it so well.

  456. Non Compost Mentos
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    New Yorker Cartoon:

    1: “It needs more of a twist. How about a human on the island?”

    2: “This isn’t worth the titanium it’s drawn on.”

    3: “Really, didn’t Thurber do this one 50 years ago?”

  457. Dariaclone
    October 4th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    #447. Beautifully said. I think that’s what keeps annoying me about the fact the children disappeared. It won’t just be Les who has to deal with the loss. It’s Summer (and Darrin, too). Frankly, to pretend that in 10 years Summer will be past all of this is also terribly annoying. Children who lost parents when they were adults still miss their parents 10 years later. And Children who lose parents when they are still kids miss their parents and struggle throughout their lives to figure what it is that they loss.

    The jump-forward is a total cop-out.

  458. man behind the curtain
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    MW — Panel 3 “Now Dawn, didn’t I tell you that running after men is just a waste of your time and energy. Now give daddy a big kiss with plenty of tongue. and it will all be better.”

  459. Jim
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    #447 – My God, Lucy, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you must have felt. And I can imagine that Batuik is probably offending many people who have experienced grief like yours by simply “jumping ahead”. Forgive me for playing psychologyist, but maybe you should let Batuik know this, see what he has to say. Again, I am sorry for your loss, and I pray that each day you will find the strength you need to get through the day.

  460. calico
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Thanks all. We are getting there step by step.

    Yeah, Batuik can take something as sucky as cancer and make it suckier. Unreal.

    At least he didn’t use the symbolic figure “Dangerous Woman” from Altman’s “A Prarie Home Companion.” For that, I promise not to sue him, but will still spew epithets for quite some time.

    For some reason, your statements of “Blecchh” and “Bleah” just put me into a state of titters (I guess that’s better than tatters!).

    Stay well y’all…!

  461. calico
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    #447 – My condolences. Please be well.

  462. Jim
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    You know, thinking about it, Batuik is probably going to make reference to Les and Summer still being in mourning after the time jump. My best guess is he’ll make Les an alcoholic mess having trouble keeping his life together and Summer an OCD overachiever trying to fight thoughts of suicide. Anyone want to take place a bet on whether or not my predictions are rigts? I’m offering great odds.

  463. etho
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    NO goddammit, Grandpa Jim is dead! DEAD! “Another Stroke?” Bullshit, I say. Grandpa Jim, enfeebled and brain damaged as he was, was the only Patterson with even a shred of dignity left! Let him die with his dignity intact! We don’t need to end the strip with Elly mothering (in Canada, it’s spelled M-E-D-D-L-I-N-G) Jim and Iris until they both die of shame.

    But no. It’s “another stroke.” What does that bring the total to, 12? And now he’s going to be helpless forever, Iris clearly can’t handle the stress, and who sweeps in to talk sense into everyone? Elly. Motherfucking. Patterson. Determined, as always, to assume the best.

  464. Sans Sense
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel,

    When he cut out, she cried out
    in her anger and her pain,
    “I will kill off every male character
    til not a one remains”

    Li Li Li,
    Li Li Li Li Li Li Li,
    Li Li Li
    Li Li Li Li Li Li Li
    Li Li Li Li Li

  465. Trotzenbonnie
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    #457 – Dariaclone
    Yup. They sure do. My first husband died almost 11 years ago. I was talking to our son just last night until way past midnight about how much he missed his dad and how his death affected him.

  466. Uncle Lumpy
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    #457 Dariaclone –

    The jump-forward is really more of a catch-up: characters who had been frozen in time will sync up with the calendar. So, alas, no flying cars.

    I think the jump-ahead and Lisa’s death both stem from a dramatic dead-end. The characters can’t move without breaking the ensemble nature of the strip. They can’t grow, because they’re not written that way — accommodation to narrow horizons is the ne plus ultra of virtue in Funkyville. And the poor author’s running out of disasters to inflict on these poor folks.

    When this author is cornered, he doesn’t work his way out, he jumps. He did it with the original, funny, strip when its possibilities started to get clapped out. He did it again with John Darling when he went sour on his contract. And he’s doing it now.

    Shedding a weak character like Lisa, who existed only to illuminate Les, is just housekeeping — like destroying the high school, or promoting Dinkle. Dramatically, inflating a second-stringer’s story into this epic hoo-ha is just inexcusable — we should care why, exactly? Because Cancer is Bad and Poor Lisa Hurts? Why not give Comic John Jacob-Creutzfeld disease — it makes about as much sense.

  467. Charles
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Did anybody notice that the bumper stick in today’s Zits said “McGovern”? I had to check Wikipedia to find out why it might be there. (Former presidential nominee in the 1970′s.) Curses on the strip that is so in touch with today’s generation but now forces me to learn about the generation before!

  468. bats :[
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    462. Jim: do you think Les and Summer will adopt a cat, too? Does that figure into the odds?

  469. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    468 bats :[ – Actually, I already guessed we’ll be seeing more of Le Chat Bleu, as it’s just about inevitable that Les will be seeking solace in the absinthe bottle.

  470. Brown-eyed Girl
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    I would like to propose that Lynn Johnson retire and that bats :[ (383) take over writing FOOB. bats, if nominated, will you run? If elected, will you serve? The nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you.

  471. alamo
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    foobville follies — grampa foob is only in a coma. haha. at last something in this strip to laugh about. shit!

  472. alamo
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    get fuzzy is exactly like that around here with my little roommate. bucky is his hero i swear.

  473. Mountain Mama
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    The actual death strips weren’t too bad. Who can say what happens? I’d rather be met by a well-dressed figure than “go over” all alone.

    We all think when someone special dies that we’ll be there, that they won’t die alone. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t happen that way. My father’s parents both passed in the hospital, alone. It just wasn’t possible for my dad or his sister to be there at the times they died.

    According to my mom, her mother seemed to wait until they had left the hospital for the evening to die.

    But Lucy’s Spunk (great name, btw), I agree. To kill off a character? It’s been done. To frankly probe the feelings and reactions of the survivors that first year? Now, that, handled well, would be worth reading.

    Batiuk killed off a major character, not a peripheral player. A character with a husband and two young children.

    When my grandma (my mom’s mom) died last July, our hearts broke. She died July 1, my nephew David’s birthday. She was buried July 4. July 5 is my mother’s birthday. That first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas! Oh, my. My grandma just radiated holiday spirit and generosity. To say there’s a void now doesn’t do it justice.

    My youngest sister is getting married November 10, my grandma’s birthday. It’s a great gesture to fill some part of that black hole that exists now.

    I don’t even know why I’m saying all this. I guess because Batiuk is taking such an easy way out that it angers me and I want everyone to know exactly why.

    My love and good wishes to all of you.

  474. Ribinin
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    TDIET That’s just terrible! Everybody knows that clotted cheese fondue is made with squid, NOT scrod.

  475. alamo
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    fw — and the laughs just keep coming there batiuk.

    oh by the way…… why don’t you just go straight to hell and leave the rest of us out of your tormented life. you are a twisted sick person who thinks to do good but actually ends up trivializing one of the most serious events of our times.

  476. Brown-eyed Girl
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    388. gh. I am so margoing busy this week. Otherwise, I would use my five e-mail addresses to submit your captions to the NYer (as many as they’d let me.) I think it would be a fitting memorial to Lisa if the entire CC community would submit a caption to the NYer this week. Ok, it has nothing to do with Lisa. But the humorless drones running the NYer caption contest deserve the abuse.

    And with that, I must stop reading and get back to work. (I don’t suppose you guys could stop being so funny so I don’t feel like I’m missing anything? No? Oh well.)

  477. Mountain Mama
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    And today’s TDIET reminds me of that old joke:

    Lady no. 1: This restaurant is terrible. The food’s not good at all.
    Lady no. 2: Yes, and they serve such small portions!

    And in, Apt. 3-G, we see that Tommie is just as shallow as her roommates.

  478. Inspector Dim (Your Friendly Bookie)
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    I want to see something come of all of this misery in FW.

    I want to see Les and Summer move as far from Westview as possible, to rebuild their lives somewhere warmer, like California or Florida. I want Les to grab life and not let go, to quit his job teaching smirking high school students and find something he actually loves to do. I want him and his daughter to figure out life together, to get past the pain, and to each finally grow up.

    I want Funky to take a chance and start his own pizza parlor in Cleveland, and learn how to be a good, happy and fulfilled man, instead of just a wisecracking nobody.

    I want Wally to come home, marry that girl with the one arm, and move to Canada where the military can never mess with him again.

    I want Crazy to realize his dream and take out half of Westview with some sort of awesome high powered weapon. Failing that, I want him to move to San Fransisco, where he’ll be much happier.

    Lastly, I want Harry Dinkle to find a great hearing aid that works, and spend the rest of his life happily listening to band music.

    I like these people, as much as I try not to. I want them to LIVE, for once, instead of just drifting along from one sadness to another.

    That’s what gets me about this. It won’t actually change anything. In ten years, they’ll all be right back where they were. I just can’t stand it.

  479. jess a.
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Dariaclone @ #457: It’s Summer (and Darrin, too). Frankly, to pretend that in 10 years Summer will be past all of this is also terribly annoying.

    These last few weeks reading FW, what has really troubled me is that we haven’t seen Summer at all. I remember her being dropped off at school shortly after Lisa decided to forgo treatment, and I don’t think we’ve seen her since then. So… she just stayed at school while her mother died, and her dad didn’t see fit to somehow help her navigate this transition?

    … oh forget it. Given what Batuik has decided to do with the story line, I don’t suppose there’s really any point in taking apart his decisions up to now.

  480. MonkeyHawk
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    I wish the following strips would simply adopt Michael O’Donahue’s rule:

    FOOB
    FW
    MW
    (DT)GT
    MT
    C(MD)
    RM-MBLA
    Zom-B.C.
    SFth
    SFx
    BB (Beetle Baily and/or Baby Blues, what the fuck)
    FC
    9CWL
    A3G
    GA
    Paleo-Peanuts
    DT
    Ziggy
    6Cs
    Brenda Starr (Would you have recognized it if I’d called it BS? You should.)

    “And suddenly, everyone was run over by a truck.”

  481. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    I think people are being way too harsh on Batuik for the things he’s left out of Le Morte D’Lisa. Anyone who writes seriously knows that you can’t include every detail. Otherwise, you end up with a long-winded, rambling narrative no one’s going to want to wade through.

    Both storytelling and painting are arts in which you present a handful of details that give an impression of the whole. Sure, Batuik could have explored Summer’s angst over the pending loss of her mother or detailed Les’ mourning over the months and years ahead, but those are simply different perspectives on the topic he has chosen to address. You simply can’t address them all and have a coherent, focused story. And he is dealing with the aftermath of her passing, though for only another three weeks.

    I think he’s done a passable job of telling Lisa’s story. Many of the elements ring true – Lisa facing the fact she won’t work as an attorney again, the discussons over what to do with her ashes, her giving Les permission to love again. There’s a fair amount of cheese along the way, to be sure, but sweet jumping jesus on a pogo stick – these are the comics we’re talking about! This isn’t Charles Dickens we’re dealing with here.

    This has basically been Batuik’s meditation on mortality, triggered by his own experience with cancer. We’re pretty uncomfortable with death and dying in this culture, preferring to put it out of sight and out of mind, which is why I think so many people object to it being portrayed in the comics. But if the comics only dealt with what “should” be in them, we’d have nothing but the Family Circus, Hi and Lois and Ziggy. And I don’t think there’re any Curmudgeons out there who’d want that.

    I don’t mind making fun of Batuik for choosing such gloomy subject matter as his stock in trade – jeez, it’s like a daily strip by Hieronymus Bosch – but I can’t see getting angry about it. I think the guy just needs to take his meds and quit sitting around absent-mindedly sucking on the end of a shotgun all the time.

    P.S. – and yes, I have dealt with cancer in my life, losing my mom when I was in high-school, back in the bad old days of high-toxicity chemo.

  482. Big Sims
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Hello All, back from the Family Reunion at the Beach. I have to point out that the only person markedly missing from the shindig was my Uncle who passed away from cancer many moons ago. I’d sworn I’d never write about it in the CC blog, but I just played catch-up from the past week or so in the comics and I am SO THROUGHLY DISGUSTED with T. Batuik and and his strip that I feel the need to share. Also sorry if it’s become taboo to share stories like this but I haven’t the time right now to dig through 4500 comments.
    Oh yeah, Mom died of a stroke when I was just a Little Sims. You’re not off the hook either L. Johnston.

  483. Gonzoid
    October 4th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    …so… does anyone else think that today’s Liberty Meadows is a knock on Cancer Cancercancer?

  484. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    480 – I wish the following strips would simply adopt Michael O’Donahue’s rule:

    It’d also be great if someone could post their impression of what Lisa and everyone else in FW would look like with knitting needles stuck in their eyes. Although, I guess it really wouldn’t make that much difference to them…

  485. Lake Eerie
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    483 Gonzoid – actually, Liberty Meadows is apparently a zombie strip right now

  486. Lucy’s Spunk
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the kind words y’all.

    I do miss Mom everyday but at the risk of sounding hokey she is still very much a part of my life. I can still hear her voice when I have to make tough decisions and all the values she raised me with guide me every day. It took a long time but I was able to get to the other side of all that anguish and confusion, becoming a much stronger person in the process. Which is why I’m so pissed about the instantaneous 10 year jump.

    Grief is a raw, painful, slow process and Batiuk is doing his readers a huge disservice by not facing that head on. I’m not totally against him jumping ahead, but I think having the strip stay in real time at least for the first year after Lisa’s death wouldn’t have been too much to ask.

  487. Ribinin
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    #481 cheech wizard
    “Otherwise, you end up with a long-winded, rambling narrative no one’s going to want to wade through.”

    Thank goodness none of the strips do that.

  488. Uncle Lumpy
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    #473 M/M –

    Batiuk killed off a major character, not a peripheral player.

    A sympathetic character, sure. But Lisa’s only function in this strip ever has been to illuminate Les:

    1) Lisa rejects Les for Frankie —> Poor Les has a tough life!
    2) Lisa is pregnant —> Les is a hero for stepping up!
    3) Lisa is pretty and successful —> Les is a playa with a hawt wife!
    4) Lisa is sick —> Les is a devoted and supportive husband!
    5) Lisa is dead —> Poor Les is a widower and single father!

  489. Howard Erk
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean and FBOFW are evil. Nobody should get sick and die in the funny pages. And if they do, they have to conform to the Comics Curmudgeon Standards. Otherwise, they are going to get their ass handed to them.

  490. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #481 cheech wizard – A writer doesn’t have to include every detail, but Batiuk has opted to inlcude almost no details at all. He’s not trying to tell a story, he just wants to keep making the news and getting acclaim from the American Cancer Society. I could accept this if he were honestly trying, but he’s not. He doesn’t give a damn about his story, his characters, or his audience – all he wants is the applause. He’s no kind of writer at all – he’s just a hack.

  491. gh
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    #473 Mountain Mama –

    The Dates are a funny thing, aren’t they? My dad died of heart problems unexpectedly (meaning he was fine one Tuesday and gone the next) almost three years ago, after 54 years of marriage. Anniversary: Dec. 22. His birthday: Dec. 23. Christmas: Not Much Fun. Plus, he came very close to dying on my birthday, which upset my mother to no end. It was bad enough the Challenger blew up on that date. He did have the wit to go on Groundhog’s Day though. I don’t think he knew the movie, but would have appreciated the irony.

    And we’re supposed to flip the mattress we bought a year or so ago every six months. We just happened to buy it on Sept. 11, so we usually remember.

    I have no idea what my point is.

  492. Rookly
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    What happened to Grandpa Jim’s glasses in the fourth panel?

  493. Original Lee
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    #388 gh: I submitted:
    How many times do I have to tell you? This is a family newspaper!

    Not very funny, but on the other hand, only the last 2 contest finalists were giggle-worthy, so I figure it’s got a chance.

  494. jess a.
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    cheech wizard @ #481: I think people are being way too harsh on Batuik for the things he’s left out of Le Morte D’Lisa. Anyone who writes seriously knows that you can’t include every detail.

    You raise a good point, but I don’t think that Batiuk gets to have his cake & eat it too. I mean, on the one hand there are the limits of telling a story in the funny pages that rings true, and on the other hand you have Batiuk patting himself on the back for giving us truth by saying things like this quote from the Chronicle article: “They are getting ahold of me and saying they are gratified that somebody is doing this and that somebody is telling the true story, which is very, very nice. And that’s the majority.”

    I agree that a lot of the details of the end of Lisa’s life have been handled with a kind of grace, and have been handled pretty unflinchingly. But I do think that Batiuk is taking (and has taken) the easy way out on the stuff that’s tricky. I guess it remains to be seen how he will handle this over the next few weeks before the 10 year jump happens, but he’s already got storylines floating around that haven’t been resolved (Darrin’s connection to Lisa, that whole thing with some war that’s going on somewhere, etc). To see him shying away from this and “starting fresh” so to speak really seems like a disservice to his readers.

  495. Kate
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    gh, I spent the first anniversary of Sept. 11 underground. I mean, 330 feet underground in some miners’ tunnels in the foothills of the Sierras. I figured I could either escape that way, or spend the entire day curled in a damp ball in the closet. So dates do kind of blow sometimes.

  496. Jimmy Sparks
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    #441 – Howard Erk
    If you’re referring to Jesus, I’m pretty sure he did die. I’ll check his Wiki just to make sure. But how else would the whole resurrection thing make any sense?
    However, what happened to his mom, having completed the course of her earthly life, is subject to debate.

  497. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    490/commodorejohn – sorry, but I have to disagree with you – he’s included the details he thinks are important – a series of brief, personal interactions between characters – which is the story he chose to tell. Yes, he’s glossed over the physical details and infrastructure of death by cancer, but so what? It’s a comic. If we’re going to be upset by a lack of realism, then ask Jim Davis why Jon can talk with his cat.

    494/jess a. – But it’s not like B hasn’t done this before – he jumped time ahead when he wanted to get away from the whimsical FW into a more serious one. If he wants to age his characters again, I think a death is a pretty appropriate way to wrap up the current timeline. After all, didn’t Hemingway say that every true story ends in death?

  498. Sully
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    What?! Grampy Jim didn’t croak? What will be his first word upon coming too… “CABOOSE!”?

  499. MonkeyHawk
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    #475 — alamo says that FW,

    “…ends up trivializing one of the most serious events of our times.”

    Yeah, I’d say death ranks right up there as an important event.

    Yet, it’s one of those events we all (or are gonna) experience. It’s not all that rare, it’s not all that unique, it’s not all that special.

    I get along okay with life. It’s got its ups and downs and is always surprising. But I have a few bad habits. I eat too many fried foods and could lose a few pounds. I like to smoke when I drink scotch but I don’t drink scotch all that much. When I get sick, I go to the doctor.

    But if the Doc someday tells me I’ve got a really vile disease, I have serious doubts that I’m gonna wait around to die of it. It’ll be the final incentive to get me to try out sky-diving (and decide on the way down whether or not I want to pull the ripcord…this time). Or it’ll spur me to live out my fantasies of assassinating people who I think deserve a premature funeral, just like mine. Maybe it’ll inspire me to get back to finishing that screenplay I’ve been letting simmer on the back-burner. (Maybe what I need is a deadline. I dunno.

    I have no desire to live through five years of chemo, radiation, and bland food just so I can survive long enough to yell at kids playing on my lawn.

    I quit quitting smoking about the 300,000th time I heard someone say, “If everyone would quit smoking it would prevent 300,000 deaths a year.”

    Hell no, it wouldn’t! It might delay 300,000 deaths a year, but it ain’t gonna prevent ‘em. As soon as people can promise me immorality by taking away my cigarette and scotch, then we’ll talk.

    All I’m saying is this: Death is overrated as an “event.” Especially somebody else’s.

    Especially a cartoon character’s.

  500. Howard Erk
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Jesus gives eternal life. God Bless. Unless you worship the idols of Bucky and Fussy.

  501. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    #497 cheech wizard – Jim Davis isn’t getting lauded by groups that should know better and patting himself on the back for it. It’s a comic, yes, but that’s exactly the point – if it’s just a comic, Batiuk shouldn’t be garnering oodles of praise for being “daring” and “groundbreaking” by rehashing stuff that other comic artists already did better (anybody remember the Peanuts leukemia special? How about the various deaths in Doonesbury?) If, on the other hand, it’s a real attempt to bring serious discussion of mortality and loss to the funny pages, then we should damn well see some serious discussion of mortality and loss before Batiuk starts fapping to his own ego. Right now, the only good thing that can be said about Deathy Fuckerbean is that it wasn’t quite as maudlin and trite as I was expecting.

  502. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Where’s Josh, by the way? It’s not like the Pope to stay silent this long on an event like Lisadammerung.

  503. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    (P.S. Jon talks to his cat. Garfield replies in thought bubbles. Any perceived response on Jon’s part to these thought-rejoinders must be explained by either Jon’s general weirdness or the fact that Garfield’s reply is in character and comes naturally in the flow of the imagined “conversation.”)

  504. Tweeks_Coffee
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    #491, #495 – 9/11 is my birthday, so there were some pretty unenthusiastic birthdays for a couple years.

  505. Trotzenbonnie
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Waaah! This is the Comics Curmudgeon, dammit. Where else can I go to bitch about the funnies – Master Soft Heart’s ‘The Comics McFluffies’? No way! When he sends people to The Cockdimple, if you survive the soft cushions, he sends someone to fetch THE COMFY CHAIR!

  506. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    The Doonesbury passing were pretty lighthearted – Death Lite, I’d say. B.D. losing his leg was much more intense and gripping.

  507. AhClem
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    My weird date coincidence: My father died suddenly of a massive heart attack in 1974, at the tender young age of 54. This year, I turned 54. I counted how many days after his birthday he died, added 1, added that number to my birthday, and came up with the date that I will (hopefully) have outlived him.

    That date is January 24, 2008. If he were still alive, it would be his 88th birthday.

  508. Anon
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Josh died.

    He went with the Masque of the White Death into the Funkyverse.

    Say hi to Aldo for us Josh.

    **sniff**

  509. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    #506 cheech wizard – That was only an ancillary point in my post.

  510. Lake Eerie
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, folks, for feeding Howard, but “idols of Bucky and Fussy”??
    Who’s Fussy?
    What does Jesus have to do with these discussions? Are you the current writer of BC?

    (By the way, I worship the Rat and the Pig)

  511. odinthor
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    #473. Mountain Mama — Same experience here as your mother had with your grandmother: I had been at my mother’s bedside, indeed holding her hand, for about six hours (she was dying of hepatitis C, contracted through contaminated blood used in cancer tumor surgery years earlier), when what I can only call “empathetic intuition” suddenly told me she wanted to be alone (she had been asleep for a little while). She died within fifteen minutes after I left. In a way, it pains me not to have been there for her; in another way, I think that’s the way she wanted it. Ah, life’s ambiguities!

    I look forward to a trend being started by Funky Winkerbean. Who wouldn’t want to turn to perhaps Crankshaft for a Very Special story arc to learn about hemorrhoids? Mary Worth and Genital Herpes go together like mint and lamb; and what could be more appropriate than that we learn more about Athlete’s Foot from the inhabitants of Milford? I hope that this attitude of giving people what they didn’t come to you for spreads to other fields. I’d find it delightful if a bank teller would take a moment during a transaction to discuss paranoid schizophrenia with me; and who can deny the attraction of the butcher or garage mechanic who makes diarrhea part of his customer chit-chat? May awards fall down in an asphyxiating blizzard on those who mistake their calling!

  512. AhClem
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    #472 Charles -
    Did anybody notice that the bumper stick in today’s Zits said “McGovern”? I had to check Wikipedia to find out why it might be there. (Former presidential nominee in the 1970’s.)

    Ow. Ow. Ow.

    It was the 1972 presidential election, to be exact. It was the first election where I was old enough to vote, and I voted for McGovern over Nixon, who was running for his second term.

    Now, the rest of you kids get offa my lawn!

  513. Electro
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    My take on the FW / Lisa story arc: I think a comic strip is like a haiku. It’s an abbreviated, somewhat impressionistic form of storytelling where every word is important and sometimes, if the poet/artist is very good, the reader is left with an ‘Aha’ moment.

    While I see nothing inherently wrong with what Batuik has attempted, I do find his ‘poetry’ particularly leaden. I’ve learned nothing new about what if feels like to die or to have a loved one die. I’ve not suddenly recognised any universal truths. I’ve just seen characters going through the expected motions, as though someone was going through the five stages of grief as a checklist.

    Batuik, I’ve read Basho; You’re no Basho; you’re not even a Trudeau.

  514. Howard Erk
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    If you don’t get Fussy, then you are doomed.

  515. Plautus
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Although the Liberty Meadows reruns aren’t as funny the third time around, I think it’s pretty awesome that today the strip lapped around to coincide with Death Comics Week.

  516. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    509- Electro – Exactly. It’s one thing to snark on him for a lack of artistry, but I can’t see ripping him a new asshole for failing to be the second coming of Frank King.

    P.S. I’m wagering Batuik gets a Reuben for all this, deserving or not. Any takers?

  517. Lake Eerie
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Interesting date coincidences, folks.
    Unless I’m mistaken, my wife lost both grandfathers on Christmas Eve (not the same year). Her family tends to remember the dates her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and her father had a grand mal seizure to reveal his brain tumor (by the way, they are both survivors, and nice people, t boot).
    Though cancer has had its way with my father’s side of the family (first his older brother, then him, then an older sister died, and another sister is currently battling cancer) I don’t commemorate dates, though there are times of year I get sad.
    Not that any of you need to read any of this, of course…
    As far as the FW storyline goes, I’m all for reality, and for flights of fancy interspersed with reality, but are we somehow lacking cancer awareness in North America? We never see those pink ribbons around? We never see mentions of cancer in books, movies, TV (Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives, for crying out loud), etc?

  518. Mountain Mama
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Odinthor–thanks for sharing. My condolences for your loss.

    I’m so glad we can discuss all this stuff rationally and civilly. This is the only place on the ‘Net that’s so enlightening and educational and literate and funny; it just has to be.

    However, if any of you do know such a site, don’t tell me. I don’t get enough done during the day as it is.

  519. willethompson
    October 4th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    500+ posts? OK, it’s time for… The Meta MetaPost!

    Through the power of the glowing internet tubes, I have placed certain ‘Mudges in their favorite comic strips:

    (DT)GT: Ilsamorada Girl, barky stick in hand, piths Gil like a frog. The second panel has Marty Moon delivering the eulogy while drunk. Then the vandals from Generic Tech spraypaint an ‘E’ at the end of ‘Thorp’ on the tombstone.

    FOOB: Elly wakes up to see True Fable putting on his pants. She sobs, “If you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?” TF replies, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a margo!

    TDIET: “gh burns the midnight oil to produce the funniest caption ever for a New Yorker cartoon contest… but what one do they choose? The dullest one possible! Oh Y-E-E-E-A-A-H!”

    S-M: The Spectacular Spider Brick clonks Peter Parker, disabling his ‘spidey sense.’ He convinces a hod of his fellow bricks to do the same seconds later. Hilarity ensues.

    MW: Karaoke Night at the Bum Boat. Dingo wins first prize, which is a trip to Hawaii AND he gets to push Mary off the pier. Justice is served (in a large glass with a little umbrella on top).

    9CL: Thorax gets pedantic. Uncle Lumpy beats him to death with a copy of ‘Gödel, Escher and Bach’ while chanting a dithyramb.

    Get Fuzzy: The doorbell rings. Bucky answers it. It’s Howard Erk. Bucky bites him, asking him “Yo, pinky, do I be ‘fussy’ enough?” Everyone but Howard thinks this is funny.

  520. Kate
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Dear Wille:

    I love you.

    Sincerely,
    Kate.

  521. Sugar and Spike
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    mcshnargle bargle flompsh*

    * Does anyone besides Washington Post readers get Lio? Pretty good choice of comics named in the 10/4 strip — of course there are dozens of other possibilities.

  522. Lake Eerie
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Wille, that was a groovy, groovy post
    You covered most of my curmudgeon heroes

  523. Jim
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    I think as a remedy to the funk and depression inspired by these strips, everyone should go and read some “Pearls Before Swine” comics. At least in those strips, it’s funny when something dies.

  524. NickM
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    The problem with FW is not that Batiuk has chosen to take on a serious topic, or even that he’s making one of his characters die. It’s that everything but everything is a tragic twist of the knife. He tortures his characters – Dinkle going deaf being the perfect example. As Lisa dies, her father can’t properly apologize, she goes blind just before the trees turn, and Les can’t even be there to hear her say “I love you” one last time. Come on.

    I’ll grant that the comics page doesn’t need to be “the funnies” but must it be “the cruellies”?

  525. Trotzenbonnie
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Wille!
    I’m swooning!
    And if all you ‘Mudges think #519 is funny, imagine how great wille’s book is.
    Read it, dammit!

  526. Uncle Lumpy
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    #516 cheech –

    I’m wagering Batuik gets a Reuben for all this, deserving or not.

    Hell, I’ll buy him a Reuben and a beer if it’ll cheer him up.

  527. willethompson
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Re: me #519:

    FW: Billy Crystal (as the mime/waiter from ‘Spinal Tap’) is leading Lisa away. Suddenly, Trotznbonnie storms in, grabs Lisa from him and instead hands him the gimped form of Tom Batuik. She and Lisa retire to the French Quarter to drink mojitos.

    See? It’s easy!

  528. gh
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    #512 AhClem –

    Me too ditto. And I wear my lawn patrol badge proudly.

    #519 wille –

    hee hee! Wait. I’m never going to win? I just bought a new legal pad!

  529. Sans Sense
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    #526 Uncle Lumpy

    Cheer him up, raise his cholesterol to dangerous levels…whatever…

  530. Kate
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Lio: Galactic Emperor Chennux rampages in. Nobody notices.

  531. alamo
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    monkeyhawk — i did not intend for my comments to be interpreted as death in general but rather death by cancer. my mistake and sorry for the confusion.
    i do not know the rate of death by cancer in past generations but it seems for our times it is quite prevalent and many individuals and their families journey through extraordinary grief. i realize too that to cover every detail that is encountered on this journey in a three panel per day comic strip will not include all that occurs, it may be a subject that should be dealt with in a manner that can include that and left out of the comic page. to treat the subject with anything less is to trivialize it in my opinion.
    now on the other hand i who have had my own serious health problems tend to make real live jokes about them to relieve the stress others may have when they try to understand what i have gone through. too many people are offended by that though too and i say screw them. batiuk may say screw them to us too. that is his right as it is mine to tell him to go to hell. that is how we all learn to get a long in this great wide world. and relieve the pressure we all have. we don’t have to kill each other just have a national or international go to hell day or bugger off or fuck you day. no bullets please.
    hey we all are going to die but quit smoking so you can enjoy our little snark-athon that many more years without tubes coming out your nose. the snot can plug them suckers up fierce. keep smiling.

  532. Doug Puthoff
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #447 Lucy’s Spunk–
    Right on. The best thing Batiuk could’ve done is continue with this storyline, not flash-forward it ten years. I wouldn’ve been interesting to see how Les and Summer adjust to Lisa’s death.

  533. Ribinin
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Steve Canyon: Poteet doesn’t need to do anything. Cousin Steve is always up to the challenge, be it Copper Calhoun or the notorious Madame Lynx. She is free to wander over to Mark Trail to see how Lucky and his family are doing.

  534. Krohmdohm
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: So how is Diane going to tell Stacey’s mom (who obviously doesn’t have it going on) about this? “Oh by the way my son was masturbating to a tape of your daughters tits”?

  535. Badger Jake
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Getting back to the Rex Morgan storyline, I present proof that Rex intends to “get up close and personal” with Niki on this “fishing trip.” (The only trout Niki willing be catching is the one in Rex’s pants!) Here is a copy of the original draft of the strip from this past July 4th …

  536. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    526/Uncle Lumpy: Beer, hell – buy him a Prozac.

  537. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Sex Organ – “Ansel says there’s nobody up there this time of year.” June’s smirk clearly shows she knows this means “So I can bugger the kid in peace.”

  538. willethompson
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark is ignorant of the danger posed by the muskellunge to the ducklings. Dean Booth (or bats :[ ) photoshops a beard and moustache on it. Alerted, Mark punches the hair off the fish.

  539. The Divine O’F
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    397 Calico: glad your mom is doing better.

    445 Q. Pan: It doesn’t belong in the comics, on the comics page, where any little kid could read it. If that little kid has cancer, or has a parent or sibling with cancer, he or she is going to think what happened to Lisa is inevitable. It’s not right. I have no problem with Batiuk putting the story in a comic book, that parents could perhaps read with their kids and discuss, but it’s just not right to have it out there with no explanation or warning. It’s like leaving a set mousetrap in the main traffic pattern where kids walk barefoot.

    455: Thanks, Ralph!

    And wille: I guess I’d better go back to snarking so I can get in your NEXT metapost.

  540. RoskoP
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Lisa…Grandpa Jim…and now Blue Duckling #4 !!

    Where will the madness end?! Hell, even Dilbert’s boss is saying DIE DIE DIE!!!

    In tomorrow’s strips:

    BLONDIE – Dagwood’s mailman dies from an aneurism after one too many collisions
    BB – Sarge falls to his death off a cliff from a twig snapping under his immense weight
    FW – Funky makes an uncharacteristically hilarious comment about band uniforms (Oh, wait, I forgot. He jumped FORWARD ten years)

  541. Badger Jake
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    OK, looks like the link thing isn’t working quite right … or I just screwed it up … so let’s try it again.

    Rex Morgan, MD … Exposed

  542. Jadis White
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Firstly, my heart goes out to all of those who have lost a loved one to cancer or any other illness. It’s not easy to go through the grieving process.

    My brother died 9 years ago in a motorcycle accident, and I think about him every day. I no longer break down in the middle of the grocery store, but I do have my moments where it hits me all over again. FW jumping forward ten years is a cop out. I am still grieving 9 years later, and always will be.

    On a happier note, congratulations to Calico!!! That’s wonderful!

    PS Re #519 — that was wonderful. So where do I find your book?

  543. Bob
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    New post plz!!!!111 lolz

  544. queek
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    523: “chug! chug! chug!”

    having a grandfather that died of an accumulation of micro-strokes, and a mother that died of cancer, I’m really not happy with FW and FOOB right about now.

    Still, has no one yet noticed that Garfield wants Jon to do the syrup dance for him? Where’s a magmacannon when you need one!

  545. Ryl
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    #447: Why, it’s almost as if you want Batiuk to show that there are consequences to death! Next thing you know you’ll want him to do something crazy like show how Lisa’s passing effects her children!

  546. Mibbitmaker
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    S4th: I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than have to get a frontal lobotomy…

    GF: Wow, Really Tiny Regina Spektor has alot to say to Bucky, doesn’t she?

    Curtis: That… that’s a Calvin look there! Uh-oh…..

    GT: There’s only one thing worse than being named Cully Vale: being named Culver Vale.

  547. Big Sims
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    HELLLOOOO!! ANYONE HOME?

    I go away for damn near two weeks to the hinterlands of panhandle Florida, snas internet, return to the CC, spill my guts and, and, and… nothing?

    Sheesh, way to make a fella feel good.

  548. Red Greenback
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    wille: can i be in Blondie?…no, literally IN Blondie! *wink, rimshot, veal*

  549. MonkeyHawk
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    On the Whole Death Thing

    I’m tainted material, I admit.

    My Dad was a small-town family physician/surgeon who spent a long time serving as Deputy County Coroner. The elected County Coroner wasn’t a doctor (something weird about Kansas law during those days), so Dad did most of the official autopsies. Oh, and Dad used to take me along with him on his house calls and hospital visits. (This was a while ago.)

    Anyway. I witnessed my first autopsy when I was 4-years-old. And I’ve seen a bunch of ‘em.

    Death isn’t all that unusual for me. It’s just what happens when you’re through living.

    Back when extended families lived under one roof and childhood diseases did have vaccines, Death didn’t have the impact on most people that it has today.

    Death happens.

    Always has. Always will.

    Whether it happens suddenly or after a lingering ailment, it’s certainly a signficant event for those left behind. But it took Charles Dickens to turn Little Nell into a sob story, largely because he was writing a serial (read: “soap opera”) and was paid by the word.

    Would FW’s Lisa be any deader if she’d suddenly been run over by a truck? But Batiuk chose to go the “Little Nell” route, to ape Ingamar Bergman (and/or Woody Allen) with some sappy crap that serves only to soap-opera the entire event.

    Even Lynn Johnston had a chance on Wedensday to give us a modicum of surprise. But, no. She’s gonna milk Jim’s second stroke for all the pathos and bathos she can.

    Bah!

  550. El Santo
    October 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    #545 — Yeah, I’m trying to think of the alternate scenario as well. As much as there seems to be criticism that Batiuk is “cheating” by flash-forwarding 10 years … do we really want to see Funky Winkerbean plunge into sevearl more months of characters moping over Lisa’s death? They’ve already covered that territory prior to 10/4, and … well, this is Batiuk we’re talking about, and we know it would be Maudlin times Twelve.

  551. Loopina
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy is messing with my miiiind…. make it stop!

  552. NotThatGuy
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    #481 CheechWizard, Compare Batuik’s Death of Lisa with Trudeau’s Death of Andy. Batuik is a hack. QED.

  553. Mibbitmaker
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    #550 (El Santo): Exactly!*

    I’m just against the flash-forward on general principal (and those odd-looking +10 character pictures). I’d prefer he go ten years backward and get back to whimsical FW — and not the FOOB way, either!

    *El Santo Says What You’re Thinking So You Don’t Have To

  554. Mountain Mama
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Big Sims!! Welcome back! I saw you!

  555. Mibbitmaker
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    #553: I’m also against spelling “principle” as “principal” on general principle!

  556. Dariaclone
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    To follow up on the discussion I started and then so rudely left, I agree that Batiuk can focus on whatever he wants. But, I would think that Batiuk would have wanted to pick up on the storyline which he apparently is planning to cover in the jump. He’s said he plans to focus on the kids of the current characters, so I wish he had paid them a little attention throughout the past few months. If he doesn’t care about them now, why should I care after the jump?

  557. Trotzenbonnie
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    #549 – Monkeyhawk
    I pulled a Spicoli and snuck into an autopsy when I was in high school. It was a field trip for the human anatomy students and I was taking a boring physics class. It was very colorful. And, wow, there’s a whole lotta stuff crammed into a human torso. I don’t know how people find room in there for all of the food they eat.

    Mr T and I have regular discussions about what to do with our carcasses (due to my medical history and he’s in the Army). I have very elaborate instructions regarding what to do with my ashes, what to put them in, what I want engraved on the plaque, what music to play, etc. When I ask Mr T about his plans he just shrugs and says, ‘What do I care? I’ll be dead.’

  558. Dennis Jimenez
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    548 – I’d like to eat a Cookie.

  559. Dicky
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    544, queek: I noticed!

  560. Niall
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Since the few weeks I’ve been checking not just Josh’s snarks but the comments, and trying (and failing) to snark back along with the inestimable minds here, I’ve been thinking about the major stories talked about, both in their accusation and defense. I may be wrong, but I think that Batiuk and Johnson, along with all other syndicated cartoonists, still have to get their material passed an editor, meaning that they don’t have All Powers the way a private webcartoonist does. I’m not saying they’re not to blame, but more that they can’t pull off everything they want any time they want.

    This said, there are still idiosyncracies in style, especially when each has done their strip for as long as they have.

    I have not read FW other than the main bits of the cancer storyline and the one-week high school reprieve. I stopped reading Foob a long time ago, other than the strips snarked on occasionally in the past month.

    First, on the Jim stroke timing: easy as it is for us to give extra powers to Johnson, I think I was told once that strips are locked in place at least a month in advance (it may have used to be three?), so I doubt even she has clout to tell her syndicate to run a series of strips earlier than expected with barely a week’s notice. Though I may be wrong. So I can give credence to the unfortunate coincidence theory, especially since it was a stroke and not a death.

    Today’s strip as me thinking that as bad as Jim was, his condition is now very worse, and that the strips may tackle the very thorny issue of dying with dignity, who has the right to say until what point one wants to be shackled to tubes, etc. Iris seems to be contemplating that Jim may be towards the “better” if he wasn’t alive in this new condition. It’s definitely not a rare feeling with loved ones of intensive care patients and very ill elderly.

    Which goes to my second point: is it the sign of a mature society that its entertainment can deal with delicate moral issues? Even if it has to be through a medium which excels in the unsaid, the action between what’s drawn, the complicity with the reader? Some say that the comics have to be “funny”, yet they don’t decry the existence of all the action and soap comic strips (whose humour value tend to lie in the unintentional). Should we keep seperating the humour and action strips? Can an action strip never have an actual funny quip? Can a funny situation never have a serious moment, even as a setup to the punchline?

    I believe that the answer to the first question in the previous paragraph is a resounding yes. Keeping clichés going strictly for humour or drama value when the shortcuts they are representing are no longer valid, or never were in the first place (wholly invented shortcuts strictly for humour value which make their way into popular thinking). Which is why I’m taking an interest in this week’s Curtis; not only is it tackling an issue that many parents have to deal with (and many of the mother’s arguments are sensible), but it doesn’t deal with the standard set of jokes and so far has given us a departure from expectations – the rest of the week’s strips dealing with the storyline will tell me if I actually like it as a whole. I really don’t know what’s going on for Friday. In a way, it’s treating its readers intelligently, in that it doesn’t pander to the few who will pick up a paper to read the comics for the first time ever that particular day.

    Now my thoughts on FW itself: I don’t begrudge Batiuk for doing the storyline in and of itself, since cancer survivors can have relapses; as well, I can see him using a fictitious character as a way to reach to a large number of people who have had to deal with cancer, by including many symptoms that may rarely show up in the same person. Verisimilitude is not reality, and it can be played with – but only to better deal with the issue. If it’s done just to get more readers, and eschews any sense of responsibility to those readers, then it’s heading right into manipulative, cheap sensationalism.

    I’m still reserving judgment; I can understand that for a fictitious comic strip, taking a whole year to see repercussions in the characters would be morose and a little too life-like. This I accept. However, comics have the amazing power of time dilation – in one week, you can show snapshots, short vignettes of a day each throughout that year, with human realities and emotions, in essence both acknoledging the reality of the shock and pain, as well as serving as a guide (since it’s seen by so many) to possible recovery and the regaining of hope, the bittersweetness of Life Goes On – But Not Like Before.

    (In fact, life has never just Gone On, it has always been different, one’s whole life; this myth of unchanging perfectness is one thing I’ve noticed comics have helped foster, as well as in many post WW2 European and North American cultural artefacts, but that’s a whole different discussion.)

    If cancer survivors and the survivors of cancer patients can identify with the struggle, even if each situation is unique and cannot be portrayed exactly to one’s experience, then it’s what I would call a successful strip sequence. Some manage to cope with time, some can’t, some try and fail, some never want to try – each has their own circumstances. A widely-viewed strip can help to both help others acknowledge a reality instead of hiding it, and help give a possible way. It can be difficult to not show it as being THE way, though a very personal strip can get away with this.

    I’m reserving judgment on Batiuk until I see how the transition is done. As a strip, it has to move on faster than real life; that it is own meta-reality. A complete cut is a bit of a disservice, though, even if later on there is occasional talk of Lisa (there had better be – ten years, fifty years, any amount of time is never enough to never talk of a loved one having passed away) to help fill in the framework. If there’s no framework, though, it’s only smoke.

    My thoughts on Foob: as a whole, it’s always a danger to base a long-running strip on people you know, especially your own family; the demands of the paper characters, and the elastic time of the storylines and transitions, will always create divergences. One can somewhat control one’s own paper creations, but not one’s own flesh and blood creations. If your child suffers a trauma and has a major change of attitude towards life, do you reflect that in the strip? This is never an easy decision – neither for the author, nor for the people this is based on as they get known and asked why “they” behaved this or that way in the strip. But once you do make the decision, you had better stick to it.

    Jim’s condition was somewhat clear (stripping away the veneer of melodrama that has built up over the original base of human drama), and sadly enough, it’s certainly not an unusual development, nor an unusual feeling for spouses or family caregivers to develop, as hinted by Thursday’s comic. (I’ve already talked about the meta-timing issue above.) So the start of the storyline is fine by me – what matters are the decisions taken by the characters; are they logical, or are they forced by the author as a springboard for personal opinions? And are those opinions backed by research, or is it a mish-mash of what they think happens in this or that kind of place (the way, sadly, most television and cinema fiction is approached these days)? Only time will tell. Of course, history is not exactly on the nice side of the balance. While it’s not the first storyline done after Lynn’s husband’s departure, even counting the publishing lead time, it’s the first one done after some soul-searching afforded by the slower artistic pace of the reruns, and the decision (upcoming at the time, I believe) to publicly acknowledge the seperation and its reasons.

    I’m going to wait a little and see how each manages the aftermaths.

    But if either stumbles and uses emotional shortcuts, crutches, or bypasses needed resolution for anyone caught in these types of emotions, then I’ll nod with the rest of the (better-written) snarking. They’re creators – they have control over what they talk about. If they’re not going to include the resolution in any sort of form, they shouldn’t include the rest either. (To Johnson’s credit, she seems to have included a resolution most of the time, just not always one people agreed with.)

    One example of “humour shortcut” to me would be Thursday’s TDIET: it may be true that the lesser cooks will more gleefully share larger portions if they’re not aware how bad a cook they are, but I was saddened that the point, already abundantly made clear in the writing, was done all over again in the illustration by choosing a woman with vapid expressioni, bad wardrobe choice, huge pot having boiled over, even the overbite – every cliché possible. In my own experience, the really enthusiastically bad cooks look the most ordinary, take good care of their cookware, and really can’t find anything wrong with the odoriferous, sticky mess they actually wanted to end up with. EVen set in 1955, it didn’t need to be illustrated thus. To me, this reinforces bad social cues, especially to younger people who have no context of how old Scaduto is and what social contexts hes playing with.

    481 cheech wizard: I can take cheese, but some have pointed out that there have been major incongruities in the setup, and extremely logical in-character steps that have been bypassed to get to the conclusion, without a hint of explanation as to why these people might have decided against doing this or that thing. Putting an elephant in the room and not dealing with it, basically. What many, many snarks can amount to is saying this to the creators, as a whole:

    “Hey! Humour or Drama can happen from realistic conditions – and we know it doesn’t have to be real. Just don’t insult us by pulling giraffes out of a pike’s gills!”

    Strips like Gil Thorpe or Dick Tracy are almost dadaist in their plot setup and follow-through. One can be funny without being stupid, and we’d like to see more of that, as a whole of this particular blog. The joke by Mountain Mama in 477 is a good example of a funny joke that one might say, then have to think about why it’s unintentionally funny, without making the second person stupid. It can be done easily (third panel: “Um, wait, let me rephrase that…”)

    I think as a whole we can narrow it down to: We need more intelligent characters in the funnies. Perhaps then we can help more people raise themselves to be intelligent to match.

    (I haven’t read past 485, but need to go home now…)

  561. bats :[
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    469. commodorejohn: were you the Curminion who suggested that Le Chat Bleu be anthropomorphized into a Cassandra Cat-like creation, to help Les get over his grief (or at least help him a new hobby, like furridom)? I remember someone mentioning this, and I really do want to give credit where credit is due.

    538. williethompson: I shall graciously defer to Dean Booth on hairifying the muskie (unless I get bored) — I was sufficiently skeeved out doing the Mark ‘n’ Rex Brokeback Mountain edition that I don’t think I want to see too much wildlife (of any kind) right now… Thank you for the nomination.

    OTOH (and this is guaranteed to kill this 500+ thread, I know it), there are new frontiers to skeeve me out. To go where no man has gone before…no, wait…to go, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
    (I was holding off on this, but think of Mark Twain’s “Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”):
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1485138797/

  562. Dingo
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    At this many posts on the thread, I’m sure it’ll be ending soon and I need to repost this but…

    Dreams

    This will probably be the end of the Drew animations unless Moy & Giella come up with something really juicy.

  563. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    #561 bats :[ – Yep, that was me =)

  564. cheech wizard
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    552/NotThatGuy – And your point is? Trudeau is one of the all-time greats. If that’s the standard you’re going to hold all cartoonists to, you’re going to have a pretty skimpy funnies page, and full of zombie strips besides. It’s fine to snark about a lack of artistry, but I can’t see getting hostile about it.

    Besides, Batuik has done some excellent work in his own right while dredging through the troughs of human misery and disappointment. The old Crankshaft flashbacks about why Charlie never made it as a jazz musician or Ed’s WWII experiences (including why he gave up baseball) are some of the finest dramatic storytelling ever to appear in the funny pages.

  565. The Divine O’F
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Two alarming comics things I don’t recall seeing snarked:

    MT: WHY is that muskie so angry? and

    RMP: WHY is the second panel of this strip in the middle of Rex’s head? Is the artist really that bored? Will we start seeing Escher-like perspectives with characters disappearing into themselves? Or is it to distract us from the illicit relationship between Rex and Nikki?

  566. Jana C.H.
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    #392 Anon– “GRANPA FOOB is NOT DEAD. Quit saying he’s dead, he is NOT DEAD. He is as good as dead.”

    Practically, he IS dead. And if he is dead, why not say so?

    Jana C.H.
    Seattle
    Saith WSG: Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory.

  567. bats :[
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    562. Dingo: the saga continues (at least for now)…I suppose you couldn’t push it just a little further, with Vera’s self-esteem now so low that she finds herself flashing her goodies through her apartment window to anyone at Charterstone who will look in her direction…

    563. commodorejohn: whew, I’m still experiencing moments of lucidity. Good for me! (And a good idea for LCB, too!)

    565. Divine O’F: muskies always look like that. My uncle had a cabin on a small lake (or maybe river, I don’t recall) in northern Indiana, and he caught muskies on a regular basis. For some reason known only to Uncle Frank, he’d dry the heads and mount them like big-game trophies, individually on little shield-shaped plaques; there were HUNDREDS decorating the cabin.
    He gave me one to bring home to Arizona, and it stayed out in the utility room because it gave us all the creeps.

  568. bats :[
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    562. Dingo: my eyes! my eyes! I just noticed that Vera does have a secret, after all…yoicks!

  569. nsr
    October 4th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    GT: UH-oh! What do suppose those googling fools will uncover about Cully Vale? I’m guessing he’s really a girl. Of course, there’s not much difference in this strip.

  570. commodorejohn
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    #569 nsr – Still, out of all the serial strips out there, Gil Thorp is the one I’d most like to see tackle that issue in a Very Special Episode.

  571. True Fable
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    #519 willethompson – Damn right!

    :D

  572. Anonymous
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    #37 Kate – Frickin’ Hilarious.
    I can’t believe I’m thinking “Go Lynn!”

    #50 – Now Trotz, don’t go all Britney on us, yuh heah?

  573. Calico
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Sorry – #573 is the tri-color cat, aka myself.

    I’m still getting used to using other computers for the time being.

  574. Dingo
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    bats :[

    You’ve given me the idea for a movie. No one has ever been inside Mary Worth’s bedroom, not even the elder Dr. Cory. Finally, Toeby gets schnockered one day on low-grade hootch and decides to investigate. Once inside the door, she finds that the room is covered in the heads of dried muskies. As Toeby sits down on the edge of the bed, a wire is tripped and a disco ball falls from the ceiling. The fishheads begin singing Nessun Dorma as an inflatable doll with the likeness of Mary’s departed husband rises from the floor with an 8″ dildo attached. An audio recording of him saying, “There’s a fine kettle o’ fish.” begins to loop as the doll moves toward her. At the moment that Mr. Worth’s lubricated phallus touches Toeby’s gabardine slacks, a panel opens to reveal Ella Byrd chained to a wall with a gagball in her mouth. She screams and wails but cannot reach the release knob.

    Just then, a private door opens and a young Brazilian pool boy brings in a heaping dish of tuna casserole. He looks at Toeby with shock and says, “Who are you?”

    Toeby looks back at the young man holding the platter in one hand and an uncircumcised erection in his other and gasps, “Who cares about me, sugar. Who the fuck are you?” as gabardine is shucked quicker than corn at a Del Monte plant.

  575. Red Greenback
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Did someone spill the noodles again?

  576. Jaxon Grwffydd
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    This post about death ignores the piscene peril in the latest Mark Trail storyline, specifically the unnamed ducklings of our heroine Shirley. But never fear. My sweet girlfriend, a recent convert to the Jackelrod cult, asked a marine biologist in her office to comment on the ducklings’ possible muskie-mouthed demise. Here’s the scientist’s response, according to her: “He said he has never heard of fish eating ducklings but that it is not outside the realm of possibility. He then cited those birds that dive into the water and eat fish and added that the fish are probably capable of returning the favor.”

    Whew. Maybe Jackelrod encountered one pissed-off muskie, or perhaps he’s got this particular detail slightly wrong. That said, I think it may be time for an update from Cherry Trail’s talking cooter …

  577. The Divine O’F
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    bats:[ I’m a bit squicked out at the thought of all those muskie heads, but then I think it could be worse: they could be the heads of giant isopods!

  578. Kate
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    #577: la la la la la not listening Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb.

  579. Calico
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    #482, #547 – Big Sims –

    I was touched by your post. I cannot imagine losing your Mum at such an early age. I was sad to read that this happened to you.

    You are the voice of reality and reason and I wish you all the best.

    Today has been a heavy heavy day emotionally on the CC board, and I think we’re all trying to integrate the so-called visions of these folks we snark on with our own experiences, and it’s not easy at times.

    Peace to you and your family, and I’m thinking of you. God, I wish I could meet you all and give each of you a huge hug.

    Take good care, be well, and I’m sending good energy to you all, my intelligent and sensitive buddies at CC.

    >^^

  580. Dingo
    October 4th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    with apologies to Rupert Holmes…

    Jim
    based on Rupert Holmes’ “Him”

    Over by the window, there’s a little coral reef.
    Fish swim by it all day long,
    Never feeling grief.
    Iris forgets to feed them
    Sometimes I swear she’s blind
    She’ll perform a funeral and try to keep it glib
    I’ve been waiting two months now
    For my scrumptious damned prime rib!

    (chorus)
    Jim Jim Jim, what we gonna do about Jim?
    She’s gonna have to live without him,
    It’s Jim or Elly, ‘ly, ‘ly,
    Lynn writes sado-masochistly
    Let’s free this man, Jim.

    Michael is the muse now,
    The one who knows the score.
    All Jim does is fantasize
    ‘Bout girls and the World War
    Don’t know whose life’s worser
    Iris or Mike’s wife, Dee
    Either one has reason, yeah
    To kill hedonistically!

    (chorus)
    Jim Jim Jim, what we gonna do about Jim?
    She’s gonna have to live without him,
    It’s Jim or Mikey. Ee! Ee!
    Lynn writes sado-masochistly
    Let’s free this man, Jim.

    If Lynn wants she can free him,
    No plug to pull, just pen.
    Unlike Blanthony and Liz,
    To fans there’s no amends
    Send him to The Bucket
    Hire phantoms or a mime
    All we ask of you, Lynn
    Is no bad puns and no rhymes!
    Because…

    (chorus)
    Jim Jim Jim, what we gonna do about Jim?
    She’s gonna have to live without him,
    It’s Jim or let’s see… Mike’s Dee?
    There’s a girl who’d like to go free.
    Let’s free this man, Jim.

    (repeat chorus)

  581. queek
    October 4th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    576: your biologist is obviously not familiar with fresh water fish. Ducklings are indeed prey for muskies, pike, bass and snapping turtles, among others.

    574: Dingo, I love your stories.

  582. Jim
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    You know, I have to ask a question. I apologize if it offends anyone, because it’s not my intention. But it’s something that’s been on my mind for the past few days; why I have no idea.

    There have been individuals on the board (Lucy’s Spunk, cheech wizard, ect.) who have gone through the actual pain of losing their mother to cancer. If you don’t mind my asking, have there ever been times when you contemplated suicide following such a tragic loss?

    Again, I don’t want to cause anyone any grief or sorrow, but it is something that I’m curious about. And if it offends or hurts anyone, you have my most sincere apologies.

  583. Jim
    October 4th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Okay, my last post seemed a little morbid, so perhaps I should clarify things.

    When I was 10, my mother became very ill after getting bitten by a tick. I was young and didn’t know that much, and tended to irrationally worry quite a bit. My fear then was that she had contracted Lyme disease, and I was very scared that she might die. When I worried about that, I felt that if she did die, I would kill myself so that I wouldn’t have to wait so long to be with her again. Thankfully, she recovered, but the FW storyline has dredged up some of those past childhood fears, and I was wondering if anyone else has had such thoughts cross their mind. Again, sorry if this upsets anyone.

  584. wooga
    October 4th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Judging by their attire, Herb and Dagwood are heading to a funeral. The mysterious absence of Herb in panel 3 illustrates Dagwood’s realization – “Sixth Sense” style – that Herb is no longer among the living. This is the most depressing Blondie strip ever.

  585. ever2seek
    October 5th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    i think the masked man should have been replaced with Thorax from 9 chickweed lane.

  586. cheech wizard
    October 5th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Jim – no, I didn’t. It was 15 months of a kind of numb dread. When she finally passed, my first reaction was a sense of relief it was all over, which of course triggered no small amount of guilt. But no suicide – just this big hole in your life you eventually adapt to but never completely goes away.

    We did worry about my dad, who was very depressed for several years after. Fortunately, he met and married a wonderful woman, a widow with grown children of her own, who I credit with saving his life – I don’t think he would have hurt himself, but without her, there’s no way he would have survived anywhere close to his 90s, as he eventually did.

    I would urge anyone who’s lost a parent to open their hearts to a new love the survivor may find – I dearly love my step mom not only for who she is, but for what she did for my dad as well.

  587. hottoddy
    October 5th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    she’s in Hell now.

  588. Jim
    October 5th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    That’s beautiful, cheech wizard. You offer wonderfully profound advice. I’m glad you were able to fight through the pain, and that your father was able to meet someone to help ease his grief. And I know that someday you’ll be reunited with your mother again.

  589. hottoddy
    October 5th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Bad timing…I am so sorry about that…I didn’t read the previous post…I certainly didn’t mean Cheech Wizard’s relatives going to Hell nor did I mean to demean his personal grief…instead I meant our Funky Winkerbean casualty Lisa…No Moore, No Leese. After all, that masked creature looked more like a death demon than a death angel…and it is my personal assumption that Hell is populated by mimes!

  590. cheech wizard
    October 5th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Thanks for clarifying – I’d written it off as a post by an obnoxious 13-year-old. But don’t worry about it, I know how these things happen.

  591. Scott
    October 5th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    This has been one of the most well-written and engaging stories that I’ve read (in any form) during the past several years. I look forward to Funky Winkerbean every day more than anything else in the newspaper. Tom Batiuk should be congratulated for his excellent writing and imagery. Of course, I probably enjoyed the “Les chases Lisa all over Europe” story several years ago better…

  592. trooper6
    October 5th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Josh, thanks for pointing out that the world of A3G is completely free of people of color. Sort of like friends.

    Which makes LuAnn Pheobe, Tommie Jennifer Aniston and Margo Courtney Cox.

    But they have no men friends.

    Well…they don’t seem to have any freinds at all.

    So…A3G is like Friends…but without any actual freinds.

  593. snappypatternson
    October 5th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Ah, to be young and blow off death…I remember telling Dead Baby jokes in high school, thinking they were hilarious. Now I’m in my fifties. This summer, my son’s friend died of a drug overdose. My Mom died earlier of emphysema and Dad a couple of years ago of a heart attack. This week’s Funky Winkerbean hit me hard. I cried and cried…not just for poor sick Lisa, but for everyone I’ve lost. I guess I don’t understand the cynics. Perhaps with a llittle more time behind them, they’ll understand.

  594. hottoddy
    October 5th, 2007 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Thanks muchly for your patience and understanding, CW! Sorry again for the confusion. Actually, I am an obnoxious 42 year old!

  595. Dave 2
    October 5th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Not having read “Funky Winkerbean” since Carter was president (I didn’t even realize it still existed), I just read the last 3 weeks worth of strips.

    Wow….

    Read in such quick succession… wow. Powerful stuff.

  596. Albatross
    October 6th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Thanks everyone for your kind words.

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    Way cool! Some {very|extremely} valid points! I appreciate you
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    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s {very hard|very difficult|challenging|tough|difficult|hard} to get that “perfect balance” between {superb usability|user friendliness|usability} and {visual appearance|visual appeal|appearance}.
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    {In addition|Additionally|Also}, the blog loads {very|extremely|super} {fast|quick} for me
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    {I love|I really like|I enjoy|I like|Everyone loves}
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    {I love|I really like|I enjoy|I like|Everyone loves} what you
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    {Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Hey} would you mind {stating|sharing} which blog platform you’re {working with|using}?

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    P.S {My apologies|Apologies|Sorry} for {getting|being} off-topic but I had to ask!|
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    Great {blog|website|site}, {keep it up|continue the good work|stick with it}!|
    Thank you for the {auspicious|good} writeup. It in fact was
    a amusement account it. Look advanced to {far|more} added agreeable
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    {Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hello|Hey} just wanted to
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    The {style and design|design and style|layout|design} look great though!

    Hope you get the {problem|issue} {solved|resolved|fixed} soon.
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    {Hola|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Greetings}! I’ve been {following|reading} your {site|web site|website|weblog|blog} for {a long time|a while|some time} now and finally got the {bravery|courage} to
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    {Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hello}, i read your blog {occasionally|from time to time} and
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    {I really|I truly|I seriously|I absolutely} love {your
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    {Hi there|Hello there|Howdy}! This {post|article|blog post} {couldn’t|could not} be written {any better|much better}!
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    {Pretty sure|Fairly certain} {he will|he’ll|he’s going to} {have a good|have a very good|have a great} read.
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    {Wow|Whoa|Incredible|Amazing}! This blog looks {exactly|just} like my
    old one! It’s on a {completely|entirely|totally} different {topic|subject} but it has pretty
    much the same {layout|page layout} and design.

    {Excellent|Wonderful|Great|Outstanding|Superb} choice of colors!|
    {There is|There’s} {definately|certainly} {a
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    {I like|I love|I really like} {all the|all of the} points {you made|you’ve made|you have
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    {You made|You’ve made|You have made} some {decent|good|really good} points there.
    I {looked|checked} {on the internet|on the web|on the
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    {Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, I {log on to|check|read} your {new
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    I {simply|just} {could not|couldn’t} {leave|depart|go away} your {site|web site|website} {prior
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    Keep on posting!|
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    I {always|constantly|every time} spent my half an
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    {Any kind of|Any} help would be {really|greatly} appreciated!|
    {Hello|Hi|Hello there|Hi there|Howdy|Good day}!

    I could have sworn I’ve {been to|visited} {this blog|this web site|this website|this site|your blog} before but after {browsing through|going through|looking at} {some of the|a few of the|many of
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    {Other than that|Apart from that|Besides that|Aside from that}, {fantastic|wonderful|great|excellent} {blog|website|site}!|
    {A person|Someone|Somebody} {necessarily|essentially} {lend a hand|help|assist} to make
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    Heya {i’m|i am} for {the primary|the first} time here.

    I {came across|found} this board and I {in finding|find|to find} It {truly|really}
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    Your {way|method|means|mode} of {describing|explaining|telling} {everything|all|the whole thing} in this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely}
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    {Hi|Hello} there, {I found|I discovered} your {blog|website|web site|site} {by means of|via|by the use of|by way of} Google {at the same time as|whilst|even as|while} {searching for|looking for} a {similar|comparable|related} {topic|matter|subject},
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    {Hello|Hi} there, {simply|just} {turned into|became|was|become|changed into} {aware of|alert
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    {will be|shall be|might be|will probably be|can
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    Cheers!|
    {I am|I’m} curious to find out what blog {system|platform} {you have
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    {Is this|Is that this} a paid {subject|topic|subject matter|theme} or did you {customize|modify} it {yourself|your self}?
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    {Hi|Hello}, Neat post. {There is|There’s} {a
    problem|an issue} {with your|together with your|along with your} {site|web site|website} in {internet|web} explorer, {may|might|could|would} {check|test} this?
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    {I’m|I am} not sure where {you are|you’re} getting your {info|information}, but {good|great} topic.
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    for this {information|info} for my mission.|
    {Hi|Hello}, i think that i saw you visited my {blog|weblog|website|web site|site} {so|thus} i
    came to “return the favor”.{I am|I’m} {trying to|attempting to} find things
    to {improve|enhance} my {website|site|web site}!I suppose its ok to use
    {some of|a few of} your\

  631. ????? ?? ??
    January 4th, 2014 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    {
    {I have|I’ve} been {surfing|browsing} online more than {three|3|2|4} hours today,
    yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
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    I am sure this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} has touched all the
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    {Superb|Exceptional|Outstanding|Excellent} Blog!|
    These are {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {great|enormous|impressive|wonderful|fantastic} ideas in {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} blogging.
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    {I love|I really like|I enjoy|I like|Everyone loves} what
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    {Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Hey}! Someone
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    {Terrific|Wonderful|Great|Fantastic|Outstanding|Exceptional|Superb|Excellent} blog and
    {wonderful|terrific|brilliant|amazing|great|excellent|fantastic|outstanding|superb} {style and design|design and style|design}.|
    {I love|I really like|I enjoy|I like|Everyone loves} what
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    {This sort of|This type of|Such|This kind of} clever work and
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    {Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Hey} would
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    P.S {My apologies|Apologies|Sorry} for {getting|being} off-topic
    but I had to ask!|
    {Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hey there|Hello|Hey} would you mind letting me know which {webhost|hosting company|web
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    Can you {suggest|recommend} a good {internet hosting|web
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    {Thanks a lot|Kudos|Cheers|Thank you|Many thanks|Thanks}, I appreciate it!|
    {I love|I really like|I like|Everyone loves} it {when people|when
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    Thank you for the {auspicious|good} writeup. It in fact was
    a amusement account it. Look advanced to {far|more} added agreeable
    from you! {By the way|However}, how {can|could} we communicate?|
    {Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hello|Hey} just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
    The {text|words} in your {content|post|article} seem to be running
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    The {style and design|design and style|layout|design}
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    {Kudos|Cheers|Many thanks|Thanks}|
    This is a topic {that is|that’s|which is} {close to|near to} my heart…

    {Cheers|Many thanks|Best wishes|Take care|Thank you}!
    {Where|Exactly where} are your contact details though?|
    It’s very {easy|simple|trouble-free|straightforward|effortless}
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    {Hola|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Greetings}! I’ve been {following|reading} your {site|web site|website|weblog|blog} for {a long time|a
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    {Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hello}, i read your blog {occasionally|from time to time} and i own
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    {It is the|It’s the} little changes {that make|which will make|that produce|that will make} {the biggest|the largest|the greatest|the most important|the most significant} changes.
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    {Thanks|Many thanks|Thank you|Cheers|Appreciate it|Kudos}!|
    {Hi there|Hello there|Howdy}! This {post|article|blog post} {couldn’t|could
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    {Pretty sure|Fairly certain} {he will|he’ll|he’s going to} {have a good|have a very good|have a great} read.
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    {Wow|Whoa|Incredible|Amazing}! This blog looks {exactly|just} like my old one!
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    {I just|I simply} {would like to|want to|wish to} {give you a|offer you a} {huge|big} thumbs up {for the|for your} {great|excellent} {info|information} {you have|you’ve got|you have got} {here|right here} on this post.
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