The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

Staircase of destiny

Mary Worth, 12/16/07

We’ve seen this enormous concrete staircase to nowhere before in Mary Worth. When it last appeared at a Charterstone pool party, I speculated that it led to a platform for human sacrifice. But perhaps it will actually turn out to be the spot where tiny dogs battle it out for tiny dog supremacy over Charterstone. I can just see Mary being the type to be all sweetness and light and Leo Buscaglia quotes before Chester loses in a fight, and then her love for him vanishes in a puff of disgust when she sees that her dog is a cowardly cur. Only the toughest gets to hold coveted title of Mary’s Dawg!

A more pleasant possibility is that the top of the stairs will serve as the stage for the incident that will forever go down in Charterstone lore as The Humping. Mary, having never experienced or even seen actual sexual contact before, will simply faint dead away.

Apartment 3-G, 12/16/07

Oh, Margo! So unused to being denied what you want for any length of time, you can’t help but race to the finish line the moment the L-bomb is dropped. I’d feel bad for you if you weren’t a preening, narcissistic sociopath with the blood of who knows how many innocents on your hands.

Eric’s fish-lipped look of horror in the final panel is definitely one of this strip’s classic moments. “Gosh, I always thought the moment I got engaged would feel … more special,” he seems to be thinking. “And I certainly didn’t think it would involve anyone dressed like Han Solo.”

This entry was posted on Monday, December 17, 2007 at 12:01 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Mary Worth. |

346 responses to “Staircase of destiny”

Akiko221
December 17th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

I would say that the small dog barking at nothing is funny…but it’s not…because my dog does it all the time.
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

Mary Worth is effed up. it smells like “legs”.
Rhekarid
December 17th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

Margo shot first.
Josh
December 17th, 2007 at 12:17 am [Reply]

Rhekarid #3 — Margo always shoots first.

Josh
LTBF
December 17th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

Monday’s Foob….We learn there will be 14 at the Patteroob Chirstmas. John, Ellie, Mike, Dee, Meredith, Robin, Elizabeth, Anthony, Squiggly C, April, Jim and Iris make 12. Who will the other two lucky guests be?
Deena in OR
December 17th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

5….Maybe Lawrence and his partner?
Zaq
December 17th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

That was a bit, um, unexpected. Poor Mr. Margo (I can’t be bothered to scroll up and see his name) has no IDEA what he’s in for… though I’m sure we can speculate.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
December 17th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

Can COTW go to Josh for the Han Solo thing?
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

NYerCC as promised: “You’re blocking my light”
LTBF
December 17th, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

I was thinking Uncle Phil and his fart-a-fone.
Heartless Mahoney
December 17th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

MW made me fall over in my chair… a quote that’s actually credited to someone! What madness is this?!!
Deena in OR
December 17th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

Red, re: end of yesterthread:

Of course you realize that now you’re contractually obligated to keep me posted on how it goes…
True Fable
December 17th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

FBoFW Well, at least it’s not a retread strip. But what’s the deal here, Elly’s making I guess one of her noxious casseroles to take to Dee and Mike’s place since Dee is ‘hostess’ (plehh!) And there will be 14 people there? Hmm.. Elly, John, April, that’s 3; add Mike, Dee, Merry and Robin, that’s 7; Liz, Grampa, Iris, that’s 10. Who’s the other four? Anthony and Francoise? that’s 12. Weed and Carleen maybe, that’d be 14. Or are Dee’s parents coming instead of Weed and Carleen?
You can’t stray too far out of the Patterson Comfort Zone, you know. Someone might have a healthy Original Thought, and then the whole family would be thrown into the sort of chaos unheard of in Milborough. But if Dee’s parents come, then it will be an Unpleasant Atmosphere and therefore improper for Angstony to unload a Foobtastic Christmas proposal on Lizardbreath. We must have the whole family stand around and oooh and ahhh as Angstony puts the ring on her finger, the ring he bought when he was SUPPOSED to be buying Franchise a toy. Then the week between Christmas and New Year’s will be chock full of Frankincense’s reminders that “being a step-mother will be a ‘new’ experience in the New Year” or some other such bullshit. Hey, maybe we can even see Merry and Frankoma having a kiddie fight over who can act the most age-inappropriate! And Mira Sobinski can be the Typical Bitch that spoils a Patterson Christmas, or Weed can get caught giving Mike his holiday blow job in the office and temporarily take the spotlight off Liz, who will fly into a spitting rage and inexplicably yell, “Marcia Marcia Marcia!” And Mike will STILL win praise from Elly for looking so distinguished even when his pants are around his ankles.

Man, I hate this strip. Man, I love to snark. It’s like… kismet.
DaveyK
December 17th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Why does it not surprise me that Mary called in a team of “experts” to work with Chester after he chewed on a scarf? After all, it’s not very far from her treatment of Jeff to imagine a group of behavioral therapists at the apartment who, as soon as this walk is complete, will go to work on Chester until he is fully anthropomorphized…wearing a waistcoat, walking on two legs, using the toilet.

If he’s lucky, death awaits him at the top of the stairs, since what awaits him at the end of the walk is much, much more horrible.
Yahtzee
December 17th, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

Mary seems to be applying the dog-training principles of Cesar “The Dog Whisperer” Millan. He advises “calm, dominant energy” — which is actually a pretty good summary of how she’s kept all the Charterstone humans in line all these years, if you just add “depthless egotism” and “curiously complete sexlessness” to the mix. I look forward to Mary’s bestseller, “The Sublet Whisperer.”
Zaq
December 17th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

Fable: Your names for Juniorthony are wonderful. Please never stop.

Also, your verb choice of “unload” made my evening.
Joe Btfsplk
December 17th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

Margo’s Han Solo outfit makes perfect sense to me, as I can easily imagine Eric in the last panel making a loud sort of Chewbacca sound.

“Marry me, darling!”

“NNGGRRRGGGHHH???”
Dingo
December 17th, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

I’ve been remiss in my postings as of late. Attempting to find an apartment from 800 miles distance is not as fun as one would believe. However, I’m really, truly loving Mary Worth’s sojourn with Chester. The incident with the scarf, as it came to be known in Charterstone circles, reminded me of when Adam & Andy got a new dog in their strip. Baxter also enjoyed chewing on things. It makes me imagine some strange and perverse “marital device” that Dr. Jeff found while slumming through the back streets of Hanoi that he purchased for Mary’s pleasure and his intoxication, only to have Chester rip it to shreds.

When given the choice of betting between Mary Worth and a woman in faux fur with a leashed capybara, always place your money on Mary. If she doesn’t strangle her with Chester’s leash, she can always pummel the woman into the ground with a list of pithy quotes.
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

Oh sure, have Josh post seconds after I post my reactions to !Cassandra in Slylock Fox and Cassandra in My Cage. I won’t repeat, I’ll just link. Jamus: this one’s for you. Squeek: no need to say anything. :)

But maybe that way people will be spared my typo I posted just below the above link…
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

Oh, and Margo Solo is why I revere Josh. I could never make such associations.
Mr. O'Malley
December 17th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

MW: Those circus clowns who attach their feet to boards so they can bend way over–either Mary is doing that or she’s about to fall flat on her face, because she’s at an unrecoverable angle.
sangwij
December 17th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

MW: I ‘m sorry, but I just can’t get past the perspective here. I count 8 steps. Clone O’Margo is shown up to her waist, which means about 3/5ths of her is not showing, which means about 12 more steps down stands she, making 20 steps all together, which puts the dog about 25 or 30 feet away from her, which makes it not a Chihuahua, as has been previously surmised, but a Great Dane: in short, Marmaduke, who should manage to eat the beagle-on-a-stick as if it were an appetizer-sized chicken sate.
Oh. If. Only.
Catbus
December 17th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

MW: The lady in the last panel appears to be wearing the remnants of her last dog around her neck.
Mr. O'Malley
December 17th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

RMMD: Take as much money as you want! I’m going to kill you later anyway.
Mr. O'Malley
December 17th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

TDIET: Is this another one of ours? This must be the first time Al drew the hero in a car with a regular sized windshield.
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

Various and Sundry Mudges: Y’all know who you are: I just called to say I love you.
jayjaybear
December 17th, 2007 at 12:48 am [Reply]

True Fable, I don’t understand the reference to Foob. Our strip today WAS a retread, Michael fondly remembering accusing Elly of being a child abuser in the middle of a crowded mall. Was yours different?
Lisa (not the dead one)
December 17th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

Re tomorrow’s Luann:

Amazingly, it only took a week for Brad to win the food drive and parlay it into a date with Toni. (‘course, it would have been too simple to just ASK HER FOR A DATE.) But still, only a week. Can this mean that the food drive was not the end in and of itself, but the means to Brad getting a little sweet, sweet Christmas loving?

I certainly hope so. Otherwise, the guy who wrote “The 40 Year Old Virgin” needs to sue for copyright infringement or something.
Old Goat
December 17th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

Perhaps Chester needs a good talking to, if you don’t mind my saying so. Perhaps a bit more. Aldo, sir, didn’t care for Charterstone’s rules at first. But Mary “corrected” him, sir, “intervened,” as it were. And when Chester tries to avoid doing his duty, she must “correct” him also.
Mr. O'Malley
December 17th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

Curtis: Children don’t appreciate office-based humor.

I liked the TV show too. “You have 947 messages, all of which are marked Urgent.”
Loopina
December 17th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

SFx: Who wants to bet that Cassandra was the one who called in the tip? Because Cassandra owns this town, that’s why.

FW: About whether you can exposition to the exposition? I laugh at you because I am an asshole! And the only man you will ever love!
Maybe if Batiuk hadn’t spent the last couple of weeks on a go-nowhere Mopey Pete storyline, we’d have some sort of investment in this story. Or these characters.

MW: Oh, what ever will Mary do? Not only does Chester tear up scarves, he barks at dogs! You might think he was a dog, or something.
I see that Margo’s twin is using one of those retractable leashes. I hate those things! They only encourage the dog to pull more on the leash, and most people let the dog use up the whole 16′ of leash, which inevitably ends up wound around someone’s knees, or someone’s dog. She truly is evil.

TDIET: (#25) The car has a normal-sized windshield because it’s a monster SUV, of course. Wonder what MF would make of that?
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

I thank my magically delicious lucky charms and Jah Rastafari, Mary wasn’t taking her cherished glass swans out for walkies. Oopsie, I forgot that episode. carry on.
rhymes with puck
December 17th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

A3G: Friday night I took a woman out for dinner on a first date. At the end of the night she told me she loved me. Needless to say that was the end of that and after two days of constant phone calls and text messages – most after I gave my ‘thanks but no thanks’ speech – I finally got the idea across that I wasn’t interested. My date is not even half as needy as Margo.
Mr. O'Malley
December 17th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

Chevrolet, hell, Pluggers remember when the “Used Trucks” column started with Alco.
lesles
December 17th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

MW: i hate to disagree with papal infallability, josh, but i think chester’s going to win this one. he’s ready for it. you can see how keen he is to get going, and the whole scarf thing was obviously part of his self-developed training programmme. the fact that he could even put a piece of mary’s clothing in his mouth shows he’s got more guts than any of us could muster.

and i’ve been waiting since childhood to see scrappy doo mauled to death. die, scrappy, die!
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

31. Loopina on SFx: that makes a lot of sense actually. I’m half-wondering if next Sunday will be a real Cassandra Sunday, bookending this My Cage week.

I hope the Monday thread by josh wil acknowledge Mrs. Weber and Cage and Ms. DeJesus’ coordinated efforts to entertain us. :)
benzo
December 17th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

#4: Except in the Special Edition.
ben
December 17th, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

A beagle is not a “small dog”, dammit. A beagle is an enormous brave hound who just happens to be quite small, but no-one has told him about that and he wouldn’t believe you anyway. Beagles bark very, very rarely and when they do it sounds like Greta Garbo trying to figure this “talking picture” thing out.

Howling, on the other paw, yes. Beagles and howling go together like … wolves and howling, or basset hounds and howling. Or howler monkeys and howling.

Either way, a beagle is a completely unsuitable dog for a creaky dowager like Mary Worth, and is more suited for a strapping young man in his twenties. As I was when I acquired a beagle. Now I’m a creaky old dowager. The dog abides. Arrrooo.
Anonymous
December 17th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

28: Lisa (not the dead one) – Luann – Romance ACTUALLY happening in “Luann”!? Nah, I wouldn’t bet on it. Something will screw it up. Like TJ suddenly popping up to reveal that he’s the cook at the resturant. Or Dirk showing up, saying that he is the head-waiter or something. Or Brad himself saying and doing something totally dumb to ruin the mood. (He’s heading in that direction in today’s strip). I think the whole food-drive bit was just another Public Service Announcement by Evans. Feed the hungry. Tending to the needs of the elderly. Reading to the little tots at the Library.
Jeez, the poor teens in the Luann universe spend more time doing community service than Boy George.

________

DEATH to TJ!
Lynny M
December 17th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Exellent prespective on that leash in the final panel of Mary Worth. My God, what a skilled artist! What attenton to detail!

Yeah, I don’t feel like that scene is totally out of proportion at all.
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

“Jumping” Joe Giella and Karen Moy are so onto us. I’ve been listening to a lot of Hugh Masekela as of late. His music is great brain-balm fer what ails ya.
Benicillin
December 17th, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

#40 : Nice call. That leash handle might be a bit too fucking big there, or the dog too small. And it’s “perspective.”

(gurp)

I’m struggling with the fact that Mary’s speaking out loud the whole time. No wonder that desperate dog is nearly snapping its own spine in every panel.
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Mary’s hair is perfection personified.
Lynny M
December 17th, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

Benicillin:

Oops. I better go to the “libary” and get a dictionary and a set of Hooked on Phonics!
LogopolisMike
December 17th, 2007 at 2:05 am [Reply]

I’m all for the Americans with Disabilities Act and giving injured veterans their shot, but doesn’t it seem like if this lawyer gets this gig in Judge Parker that there will be a one and/or no-legged person in darn near every strip.

And with this sudden storyline lurch, does this mean we won’t get back to the not-pot brownies in about a year?
Trilobite
December 17th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

Oh ick, it’s the Monday comics:

A3G: Poor, dumb Eric thinks that if they take a walk somewhere public, he’ll be safe when he awkwardly rejects Margo’s proposal. Oh well, it’s still a good idea — at least this way the city’ll be able to just hose the blood off the streets.

Dick Tracy: In a comic strip renowned for freakishly short arms, this new villain in a league by himself. His inexplicably enormous hand is attached directly to his elbow!

Funky Winkerbean: A “solo car date”? Seriously, who says that?

Gil Thorp: Gil Thorp has taught me that high school football is played with no more than three people, and mostly involves leaning from side to side. Either that, or their traditional halftime show involves the players doing a modern dance recital out on the field.

Marmaduke: I’m not really comfortable with how excited Mrs. Owner Lady is at the prospect of watching her gigantic demon dog copulate with a much smaller poodle. Maybe she just figures that since everyone in the neighborhood already hates them for owning such a terrible pet, there’s no point in trying to not be off-putting and loathsome?

Phantom: “Finger foods are always a hit at parties for ‘pygmy poison people.’ Also, remember to put covers over your fine furniture to prevent stains from accidental ‘loincloth slippage.’” — Old Jungle Etiquette Guide
Dr Marion
December 17th, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

I hope no one would say anything so snarky as the above if they met Margo and Eric in real life! It’s best to say something appropriate like “Congratulations, I guess!” or “Which one of you is ‘the girl’?”
Dr Marion
December 17th, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

Trilobite:

Darryn’s father, for one.
Lord-z
December 17th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

“Marry me, Eric. Margo needs lovesqueezin’s”
Zaq
December 17th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

45 Mike: The brownies are just that: brownies. There is NO WAY that whoeverthehell draws JP can come up with ANY plot point for them that can POSSIBLY fit in with the amount of screen time and attention that they’ve been given, so in Judge Parker minimalist style, that’s the end of the Brownie Arc. That’s all there is to it. Brownies. Nothing more, nothing less. There’s no symbolism, no deeper meaning beyond what Josh so eloquently pointed out a few days ago: “brownies are yummy.”

JP is actually a master of postmodern art. Bam! Brownies! WHATAREYAGONNADOABOUTIT? Nothing? Nothing! Brownies are yummy AND THAT’S THAT.

An art major with a good sense for bullshit could easily write a term paper on this.
Zaq
December 17th, 2007 at 2:17 am [Reply]

49 Lord-z: No no no no no. Margo needs worship on bended knee, or preferably just worship while lying prone on the floor. Have you so quickly forgotten… “NO HUGGING!” ?
BigTed
December 17th, 2007 at 2:19 am [Reply]

“Oh, Eric, I’ve waited so long to hear those words! No, not that love hooey — the part about me being director of sales! Now let’s get married, and I’ll start running my — um, our business the way it’s meant to be run. Oh, and of course, I love you too, gallery! Er, I mean, Eric!”
Xenarthral
December 17th, 2007 at 2:19 am [Reply]

Off on a tangent:
CASSANDRA CAT shows up in My Cage!
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071217&name=My_Cage
True Fable
December 17th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

#27 jayjaybear – I’m talking about Monday’s strip. :-)
BigTed
December 17th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

Mary: “Jeff thought I was getting to preoccupied with you. I’m glad we cleared that up! Blah blah blah blah blah-blah blah…. Blah blah blah blabbity blah blah blah! Blah blah blabby blah blah blah blah! Blibbity blah blah blah blab blab blah. Blah blah a single friend blabbity blobbity blurb! Blah blah blah-blah blah? Blah blah blah blah blah blah! I’ve never owned a dog before, but I think I can do it after all, blab blab blah blah blabby blab blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….”

Dog (to other dog): “Help meeeeee!”
Smurt the Wind Raker
December 17th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

The stairway that leads nowhere — the artist is either into M. C. Escher, or he is making a symbolic statement on Mary Worth plots. I vote for the latter.
Canaduck
December 17th, 2007 at 2:36 am [Reply]

No, Margo, no!! Now he has the upper hand!
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

So I’m having breakfast at “Chester Drawers, a place for omelets and Friday night line dancing” in Costa Mesa with Vishnu,when my faithful cabbie sez: “Why do You call me ‘your driver’ it sounds like a golf club” Christ, that man brings the funny!
ArbuckleLovesLyman
December 17th, 2007 at 2:43 am [Reply]

Margo is seriously disappointing today. She looks like shit, and totally loses her cool the minute he says “the woman I love”. But with that look on his face in the last panel, I almost suspect the next thing out of his mouth to be “oh . . . oh this is awkward . . .I wasn’t talking about you . . . persay”
kippetje2000
December 17th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

Dateline Charterstone: Old Biddy Fight Club for Dogs uncovered in posh (california?) living settlement. Mary Worth arrested as ringleader. Charges complicated by unpaid misdemenors for violations of Dog Fesces laws. “I’ve never seen that nosey bitch clean up after that mutt”, said one neghbor who wished to remain annonmous.
kippetje2000
December 17th, 2007 at 3:03 am [Reply]

After seeing the previous spelling errors, I wish I’d remained Anonymous.
Mibbitmaker
December 17th, 2007 at 3:03 am [Reply]

12/17:

Curtis: panel 1&2: Be more specific, that could mean any of them. Panel 3&4: Billingsley, if you’re going to do what we do, at least pick a deserving strip. FW and FOOB alone…

Dilbert (speak of the devil!): A scene from “Animal House” gone very wrong! (See, Billingsly, this is how you snark a good strip. Save the vitriol for “Cathy” or something)

FW: If Batiuk had any of the old 1972-93 wit left, Les would be saying, “HO! HO! HO!” Of course I said wit, not humor, per se.

Lockhornswitheachother: Naw, that still means treating her to wealth and privileges; you’d just be neglecting your poor subjects in the process. Sorry, Leroy, but no dice.

S-M: That’s not a reason, JJJJJJ, that’s a bribe.

A3G: One: ….They were sitting??? And two: Margo: “Why waste time? I can beat you savagely to death right here!”
Mibbitmaker
December 17th, 2007 at 3:14 am [Reply]

12/17 FOOB: So, 14 for dinner, eh? It’s worse than we realize! The guest list:

1. Ellie
2. John
3. April
4. Liz
5. Mike
6. Blanthony
7. Deanna
8-9. M&D’s kids
10-11. the Kelpfroths
12. Kortney
13. Howard “Erk” Bunt
14. Eric

Leftovers are the least of their problems!
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 3:22 am [Reply]

NY’erCC: “Is it cold out, or is my penis extremely small?”
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
December 17th, 2007 at 3:30 am [Reply]

Niall @ 36:

RE: “I’m half-wondering if next Sunday will be a real Cassandra Sunday, bookending this My Cage week.”

Actually, the original plan was for some of the My Cage cast to x-over into Slylock this coming Sunday as well, but that idea got rejected by TPTB. :(

Still, it was fun planning this week’s strips with Bob! It really made me feel like a legtimate cartoonist. :D (or ‘cartooner’…whatever you call a guy who only writes a comic).

Thanks Bob! I hope we get to actually meet someday.

And I hope the rest of you enjoy the strips. Melissa and I had a blast doing them.

Now, even if ‘My Cage’ goes the way of ‘Franklin Fibbs’ (or many other great strips that end too soon) I’ll be able to show this week of strips to my daughter as proof I actually did work for King Features at one point. :)

Best,
-Ed
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 3:30 am [Reply]

Boo Yah!
True Fable
December 17th, 2007 at 3:36 am [Reply]

A3G When women say, “we need to talk”, you know it’s going to end badly. When men say “We need to talk”, you know it’s going to end badly for at least one side.
But when Margo hears “we need to talk” and then is turned down on something she wants, there’s going to be a bloodletting. Or at least I’m hoping for it.
BC Funny again! Hey! Somebody is saving the premiere zombie strip!
Archie That’s right, Archie. Mr. Lodge imagines he has your balls in his hands and he’s squeezing the hell out of them.
BB Fail.
DtM Little Junior Used Car Salesman, I regret to inform you that your menacing points just lost another 5 points, and be glad we at MenaceWatch2007 don’t take off points for Eye-Stabbing fashion statements. Your jacket’s the most menacing thing about you, sad to say.
FC The Faces of Avarice.
FBoFW April is prepping for the Big Butt Contest to be held at the Frozen in Time Party sometime next year.
FW Creepy Dad is laughing about his daughter wanting to go out on a date without him tagging along. Brrr, I almost wish for a resurgence of cancer storylines, except that it would mean Summer would have to watch Lisa on tape about “Yes I know it’s Christmas but let me remind you that I died of cancer and will never ever EVER be there on any holiday with you and your creepy dad again” and who needs another bummer on top of what she’s already got?
H&L Hi continues to hate his life.
JP No! NO! Rusty or no one! And where the hell is Cedric?!? I’m getting PISSED OFF, Woody!
MT Yes, Andy’s jumping up and down all over the crime scene is really going to improve matters, Mark. You DITZ.
MW 1. Lazy coloring gnomes. 2. Tiny, tiny dogs. 3. Shout or curse marks around mystery woman’s mouth? You be the judge! 4. Mary should be on a leash.
MC Cassandra! ooooh. Hey Jamus, you want a Cassandra Cat plushie for Christmas? How about you, Red?
RMMD This is the weirdest intro to “The Gift of the Magi” I ever saw.
SFx What the –?! Carla, huh? Yes, I’ve been a good little Fable this year, and just lookie what Bob Weber Jr. has brought just for…. well okay, for everyone.
Just one thing, though: neither Carla nor Cassandra are ever cunning and clever enough to keep from getting caught, are they?
S-M Dammit, Stan…just fuckin’ RETIRE already.
Zits Lazy smartass 15 year olds AND driver’s ed jokes – Here’s where I officially stop reading this strip.
Dingo
December 17th, 2007 at 3:41 am [Reply]

April and Elly Patterson are standing in the kitchen today and, in the last panel, sporting looks that can easily be described as “I fucked my boyfriend in the basement of your home after two glasses of wine and an Anne Murray album” and “I accidentally saw you fuck your boyfriend in the basement when I got home and can never listen to Anne Murray again unless I’m dressed as a dominatrix and ram a small train into your father’s rectum while he shouts ‘All aboard!’”
The Avocado Avenger
December 17th, 2007 at 3:44 am [Reply]

Now if Juggs Parker would just send those no-fat sugar-free peace-on-Earth brownies over to the poison pygmy people in The Phantom, everything would be all tied up nice and neat for the holidays.
True Fable
December 17th, 2007 at 3:56 am [Reply]

‘Tis the season to give gifts! And what would the holidays be without baby goats ? Yeah I know but here’s to a new holiday Tradition: cute goat pix !!!
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 4:11 am [Reply]

#65 Ed –

even if ‘My Cage’ goes the way of ‘Franklin Fibbs’ (or many other great strips that end too soon)

None of that! This is nine kinds of awesome, and karma counts!
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 4:12 am [Reply]

#68 Dingo –

A small train? You goin’ soft on us, lad?
Anonymous
December 17th, 2007 at 4:17 am [Reply]

Sometimes my female supervisor at work dresses the same way Margo does. I have to resist asking any Star Wars related questions because she’s extremely butch and I am afraid of her.
Anonymous
December 17th, 2007 at 4:17 am [Reply]

Wait…I work for Margo.
TB Tabby
December 17th, 2007 at 4:48 am [Reply]

C&B: That’s why we got non-alcoholic egg nog this year.

Curtis: It’s always amusing when greenhorns like Curtis think they know what the worst comic strips are. Usually they pick on Garfield, though.

DT: He just wants to talk, eh? He even says the deck is collapsing! It culdn’t be more obvious if he was backing Generic Revenge-Minded Man onto a diving board!

Luann: Still a better love interest than Anthony.

MC: As if there weren’t enough furry hotties in this one, now Ed’s borrowing them from other comics!

NS: I see she was smart enough not to say “Happy Holidays.” That would’ve gotten her arrested on suspicion of being an anti-Christian terrorist.

Phantom: “Pygmy Poison People? They’re harmless!” I repeat it because it bears repeating. Also, “alliterative” is a not a synonym for “clever.”

Popeye: If you stuck Olive in a Skinner Box, she’d electrocute herself inside of a minute.

RwO: A white hearse?! Are they in Japan?

SFx: Cassandra has a cousin now?! Geez, I’m so used to searching high and low for furry hotties that I don’t know to react when they’re handed to me on a silver platter! Except the obvious reaction, of course.

SM: As opposed to his law-abiding present.
Lynngineering
December 17th, 2007 at 4:57 am [Reply]

FBOFW: In years to come, this period of Foobian storyline will be known among its historians as the “transitional” period. The indicators include: the uncomfortable attempt at marrying past and new strip-art in a “hybrid” format, which include often positioning a Pattersonian looking “in”, similar to the Renaissance paintings where the patron is included in a panel, staring “back” onto the religious scenes; a certain delusional inclination to incorporate cherub-like children; and an important textual change, whereby the script can actually be read in an ironic tone, to reveal the true meaning of the Patterson family relations now, for example:

April: (groaning slightly) How many people are coming over for Christmas dinner?
Elly: (quietly) fourteen….
April: (snickering to herself) Whoooooa…

April: (VERY sarcastically) And Deanna’s the hostess this year… THAT will be nice (snickers knowing Elly is pissed by the fact)
Elly: Hey don’t do that (in an air of resignation knowing April steps all over her anyway, they all do)

April: (More cynically and spiteful smirking) WHY? There’s gonna be WAAAAAAYY too much food anyway…(under her breath she says:) There always is….
Elly: (trying to maintain composure) Well you can wait for the leftovers.

April: We are the leftovers Ma….

Well, ok, that last line is a bit different…
Blue Knight
December 17th, 2007 at 5:02 am [Reply]

#73 Anonymous –

Sometimes, you’ve just gotta take one for the team…
MWDG
December 17th, 2007 at 5:21 am [Reply]

MW-hope there is a cat fight after the dog fight!
Dr Marion
December 17th, 2007 at 6:02 am [Reply]

Blue Knight:

Darryn’s father said THAT, too!
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
December 17th, 2007 at 6:07 am [Reply]

BTW: If you’re a fan of ‘My Cage’ and live in the Florida area, a paper called the Ledger is running a poll to vote on new comics and ‘My Cage’ is one of the ones in the running.

Go here for more info.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
December 17th, 2007 at 6:10 am [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy @ 71,

RE: “None of that! This is nine kinds of awesome, and karma counts!”

Thanks sir. But the truth is the odds aren’t good for new strips.

One the up side we are doing pretty good for a new strip, and the fans we have are very loyal, as our myspace page can attest to.

-Ed
Saluki
December 17th, 2007 at 6:30 am [Reply]

12-17-07

MF: Filmore is a leghole.

MC: OH……MY…….GOD! I knew the author(s) are mudgies but this is a special shout out.

BC: Teacher’s got back. Oh yeah.

DT: Is the guy with the deformed pinkie and the gun an escapee from some ‘70’s dance troupe? If so that would explain the outfit.
gleeb
December 17th, 2007 at 6:43 am [Reply]

A3G: “You’ve been seen in Mary Worth, Margo. I’m not sure I’m ready to be part of a two-strip household.”

’shaft: You see? This is what happens in a two-strip family. Someone’s always rushing out to Montoni’s.

Dick: Deck, Dick? Yesterday it was a porch, you backpedalling flatfoot!

FC: Having long since left, Bil’s voice comes from a speaker in his simulacrum’s “mouth”. The kids haven’t noticed anything, except a lack of that smell of gin.

‘bean: I see. Ten years of widowhood and single parenting have turned Les into Ming the Merciless. Instead of just smirking, he’s evolved into outright mocking others’ lives and aspirations.

Parker: Does anyone go from the JAG Corps to being a Seal? That sounds like résumé padding to me.

Mary: Dogfight!

PBS: Enough with the freakin’ dialog writing. It’s annoying.

Phantom: They might be raising a little vandal, but you can’t fault their hospitality.

6 Chicks: “Of course, due to relativistic time dilation effects, you’ll all be long dead. Remember us in your wills!”

TDIET: Of course you’re missing something. That eagle from The Other Coast swiped your fish sticks.
JamesinMaine
December 17th, 2007 at 6:55 am [Reply]

Just LOVE how Mary has completely dismissed both Jeff’s concerns and Jeff altogether. “Jeff thought I was getting to preoccupied with you. I’m glad we cleared that up! But enough about him!” My wife thought I was banging too many young girls on the side. I’m glad we cleared that up! But enough about her. My wife thought I was choking too many meddling old ladies. I’m glad we cleared that up!…the possibilities are endless!
gleeb
December 17th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

And when I say “dialog writing”, I of course mean “dialect writing”. It still grinds my gears, though.
John C Fremont
December 17th, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

So I’m feeling crappy about yet another birthday – but then I read the comics, and what did I get? Cassandra and Carla. This is gonna be the best birthday ever! Thank you, Bob and Ed. I am very, very happy!

FW – “Solo car date?” Oh, I get it. It ties in with Margo’s Han Solo outfit.

Gee, “solo car date” sounds like something from a Jan and Dean record.

MT – “One of the small brands?”

MW – “Enjoy their walk?” Mary is about to forget everything Leo Buscaglia taught her.

9CL – Mittens? Hey, I can forgive the chin thing, but Brooke has got to learn to draw hands.

JP – Steve Shannon. Stepped on a mine and lost both legs. The only thing holding back the pain? Brownies. Hashish brownies. See? It all ties together.

The Seattle PI (A Quinn Martin Production) (And I’m gonna keeping saying that until someone laughs) is featuring a photo gallery for the premiere of “The Bucket List.” Since when did a diner in Milford get so exclusive?
smacky
December 17th, 2007 at 7:36 am [Reply]

MW: I would suggest that perhaps this story line is a response to the Michael Vick story, but I can’t picture a black man in Charterstone.
Inspector Dim
December 17th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

M-m-m… circumstantial evidence…
Jim
December 17th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

FW: “Yeah, very funny Dad. Were you this much of a dick when mom was alive?”
Lolsworth
December 17th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

WE ARE MARRIED NOW BECAUSE I SAY SO
Pozzo
December 17th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

#84: Agreed! Panel two is the apotheosis of everything we love and hate about Mary. That could be a T-shirt for the ages!
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

Let’s try the rest of Monday…

The Chron has no link to Ballard Street. I found a link to it. And I can find no possible reason for it being dropped today.

A3g: Why waste time indeed. How about making sure of the depth of his feelings first…

Curtis: I can’t say if this was a stab at Dilbert, or trying to say something about itself.

DtM now clearly has the sale colourists as Rex Morgan. Evidence A: the inability to fill the back colour of a plaid vest properly and the strange urge to colour only its lines.

FC: I take severe exception to misquoting extremely well-known texts for the sake of glurge and showing stupidity in children. “I am the Ghost of Christmas Present” could still have worked, and after all, the text is public domain now.

MT: Oh come ON! How many hours has it been? At least 30 or 40? ow can you recognise a small brand of cigar when it’s smooshed in wet grass?

MW: The Mounting! The Mounting! The Mounting approaches!

MC: …yup, still awesome in the morning. Just checking. :)

Phantom: What was it I had said about this being a sitcom? I don’t even need the laughtrack today! The stupid jokes laugh at themselves!

Popeye: I want to see what happens after they defeat the Thungs, and they’re stranded in an Earth devoid of resources with barely a few survivors. Olive becomes the most prized possession, being a woman. …no, my brain refuses to go further.

SF: Candidate #174 for Unnecessary Caption. What else could it possibly be?

SFx: Still awesome, too. And I can’t wait to see Reynard Noir’s take on it. Oh yes.

BC: The concept of a matronly schoolmarm ant burns my brain. The further concept of the joke and the student’s mindset in panel 2 breaks it more.

DT: No Dick, if you just wanted to talk, you wouldn’t be positioning criminal and hostage to a place they can both fall to their deaths. You just want to kill someone in a manner where you can escape responsibility. In other words: this is Payoff Week.

46. Trilobite: GAH! I had not tried to process what felt so wrong about panel 1. Then I stared after reading your comment. My brain wants a word with you, but it’s too busy recovering.

Garfield: …recent continuity? Without a direct reference? Doctor! The patient is exhibiting sudden brain activity! What do we do?

GT: Oh, a “handoff”? Is that what they’re calling it now, whatever those two are doing in panel 2?

PBS: …zebras have mouths?

Pluggers were fat all their lives.
Brick Bradford
December 17th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

Is it just me or have we entered the golden age of absodamnlutely NOTHING happening in comic strips? Mary Worth walks her dog. WOW! Pete signs comic books. ZOWIE! St. Michael of Patterson signs his crappy novel. ZAP! Cathy–well, nothing ever happens in Cathy. I think it took Irving 12 years to get to first base while avoiding being crushed by the dialogue balloons. Spider-Man–does he even OWN the Spidey suit anymore?
When Rex Morgan is the most happening strip on the page you know something is very wrong.
Rebochan
December 17th, 2007 at 8:30 am [Reply]

My Cage: This strip continues to surprise me with its quality.

Also, since Bob Weber was totally in on this, he has jumped to a new level of awesome.

I look forward to the Cassandra Cat fun as the week progresses, since I’ve now been promised a few more days of it.
The Divine O’F
December 17th, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE:

I second SQB’s nomination of Josh’s Han Solo comment for COTW. It gave me my first happy, LOL moment of the day.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
December 17th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

Niall @ #92 — I thought it was more like “Pluggers may get fatter, but instead of buying a newer bigger belt, their belt just migrates downward, making their gut all the more pronounced.”

(BTW, Niall, sorry for missing you when you were in Toronto recently.)

And Mibbitmaker @ #62 — I can’t believe that in all these years I never noticed that they’re called the “Lockhorns” because they lock horns with each other. It’s a bit like when years and years after the fact, I finally clued in to the punniness of the names of musical acts such as Adam Ant, or Lipps Inc. Or the song “D’Yer Mak’er”.
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

65. Ed Power, Writer of My Cage: …wow, that would have been fantastic. But since it was poohpooh-ed, were there any concept sketches? Any place those could be shared? It would be a hoot to see Mr. Weber’s interpretation of your cast. :)

And I hope your strip continues. It’s actually funny at least 300% more times than most other “humour” strips. It’s also contemporary without needing to make constant references forced into it (like today’s JP).

67. True Fable on BB: not “fail”; “Crashed”. On SFx: Well, Cassandra seems to always want to be caught. I’m of similar mind with Loopina that Carla would have made it, but Cassandra tipped him off. At least Carla tries to dress for the job properly. And I stopped reading Zits and SM over a week ago. I feel so much better.

70. True Fable: Awwwwww!!! Thank you!!

752. TB Tabby: We’re still not sure what relation FooFoo Cat has with Cassandra… but at least she’s not a hottie. :)

80. Ed Power: Wow, they’re printing only one of this week’s My Cages? The readers will be a little lost. But hey, Best Week Ever to run it! :)

85. gleeb: just say “dialect dialogue writing”. :) And I agree it’s difficult to pull off over a long term.

86. John C Fremont: happy birthday! Yes, you have quite the double Cat present today. :)
Harley Quinn
December 17th, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

#38 Beagles bark very, very rarely

Someone must’ve forgotten to tell that to the beagles we had growing up. Dang things almost never shut up!
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

94. Rebochan: “a few more days”? (…i have to. i really have to.) *clears throat* They’ll be here all week! (thank you. veal. waitress.)

96. Skullturf: …you know, I also never thought much of Adam Ant or Lipps Inc. I just got those puns now, knowing there were some. After 30 years, it’s even worse. :) And no prob for Toronto, I wasn’t very clear as to where I was. But hey, I’m there usually every three months, and now I have a good place to propose for any possible meetups. :)
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
December 17th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Random Monday weirdness:

Monty and Mother Goose and Grimm appear consecutively on my build-your-own Chronicle comics page, and they both mention Q-Tips today.

“Q-Tips”, of course, is one of those terms like “zipper” and “xerox” and “coke” and “styrofoam” and “jello” and “scotch tape” that started life as a trade name, but over time, began to be used in practice in a generic way. I guess “walkman” is another example, and although it might be too early to tell, maybe “ipod” is moving that way too.

In any case, might brand name issues have something to do with why today’s Ballard Street didn’t appear at the Chronicle website? I don’t know.
Crooked Soricidae
December 17th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

My Cage FTW!!!!
Sfx for the coolest writer/artist ever!!!

Screw TPTB, we want to see Norb vs. the Fox!
Steven
December 17th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Han Solo …. classic
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
December 17th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Actually, IIRC, one time Mad Magazine referred in an article to “styrofoam” in a generic and not strictly correct way. They then received a peevish letter from the Styrofoam folks discussing their concerns about their trademark. Mad printed their letter together with a reply along the lines of “We were so moved by your letter that we xeroxed it and scotch-taped it to our dry-erase board with a band-aid during our mid-morning coke and jello break.”
The Divine O’F
December 17th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Crankshaft:Today’s strip is awesome. First, it’s the first Crankshaft/TDIET hybrid ever. Second, it raises some very interesting science-fictional questions about the paradoxes of time travel. Crankshaft’s granddaughter is going to Montoni’s to work. But in the FW of today, Montoni’s has changed, and is no longer run by the same people. Will her arrival at Montoni’s cause time to collapse in on itself, destroying the universe? I can’t wait!

JP:Another hybrid! JP and DTGT! Or perhaps it’s just a low-stakes poker game. You’ve got a football player with one leg missing? I’ll see your missing leg and raise you a lawyer with TWO legs missing!

MW:I agree with whoever said that Giella and Moy are onto us. Mock us, will you? they say. You don’t like the slow pace of the strips? You find the plots boring? When we get through with the current feeding-and-walking the dog plot line you’ll be BEGGING us to bring back Vera or even Dawn.
Calico
December 17th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

FOOB – April retains her Mom’s binging habits. I guess she’s afraid there will be only crumbs for her on Xmas, as she is the only one with brains in the family, and Elly knows it.
Deanna as hostess, whatever that means. I suspect it means sneaking off to the laundry area to take an occasional mouthful of Jack Daniel’s and a xanax throughout the whole scary mess.

3G – When Eric toasts the Woman He Loves, he ain’t talking about Margo. He’s toasting Nora the chronic Weeper, from afar.

MW – this is just getting more and more ridiculous. It’s a fucking chihuahua!
Nice Margo/Therese mashup, though, playing Charterstone’s Dangerous Woman on crack.

MT – one of those small brands-that would be a Cigarillo, Mark. I know you quit pipe smoking twenty or so years ago, though.
Rocky Jones
December 17th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

I’m really enjoying this whole Chester thing in Mary Worth. I know that the author is simply using a shared experience to connect with his audience, but I have to say, having adopted two abandoned adult dogs, I’m finding the whole thing a realistic portrayal of what is always a highly dramatic process. Chester is acting believably like a recently-adopted dog. The other day he shredded a scarf out of separation anxiety (although, in my experience, Mary Worth should have returned home to find the entire place ruined). Today, he’s getting all excited and pulling on his lead, but his clueless owner doesn’t even recognize this as bad behavior. Tomorrow, Chester will have a nasty run-in with another dog, all a natural and predictable part of dog social behavior, but it will leave the other owner scared and angry, and Mary Worth confused, ashamed, and feeling betrayed. In reality, it would be at least six months before Chester knows what the boundaries are and could be a well-behaved member of Charterstone. Meanwhile, his owner, well-meaning though she may be, has no clue what she’s doing or what she’s in for. I am actually curious to see where this goes — will Mary realize just how deep she is in over her head and pack Chester off to a no-kill shelter? Or will she find some hitherto unknown reserve of strength and care for the dog?

So, in summary, Mary Worth is interesting and someone needs to alert the authorities.
AhClem
December 17th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

Luann – I hope Dirk is working as a busboy in that restaurant as part of his prison work-release program. In a fit of rage, he throws a bucket of dirty dishes at Brad’s head. Brad suffers a debilitating brain injury that turns him into a vegetable (not that anybody would notice anything different) and Dirk gets life without parole.

Oh please, oh please! Luann would go to the top of my “must-read” list if that happened.
The Casey
December 17th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

#92. I don’t see how we could have a “Mounting” in MW. Chester obvious came pre-neutered as per Mary’s specifications. Just like Dr. Jeff.
Funky smelling crankshafted corpse
December 17th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

FW: Way to go Les: Piss off your daughter so that she will be sure to sneak out and knocked up, just like her mother.

’shaft: Decorate the goddam tree on xmas eve. That way, everybody’s home.

Phantom: I am awed by the awesomeness of the Phantom having Poison Pygmy People at your beck and call. Note to terrorized couple: I hear pygmies like bush meat. Go find a monkey.

Sally Forth: NOBODY allows alcohol at office parties anymore, because the liabilty risk, plus drunk idiots at office parties are so 1959. More with Ted and the legos please.
Tweeks_Coffee
December 17th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

BC: First Garfield and now Zom BC? What’s with some of these ancient strips suddenly bringing on the funny? Has there been a major overhaul of writers?
‘Shaft: Uh…you do realize that you’d have to decorate an artificial tree too, right? I mean, the pain about a real tree is getting it home and set-up.
Crock: Terrible. F.
DtM: Oh Dennis, if you were any kind of menace you’d be sitting in the back quietly. If you were a real menace you’d be drawing pentagrams in your Bible.
Dilbert: I don’t know what’s going on, but I like it.
EC: Sex, Len, he’s talking about sex.
FC: Congratulations, now the rest of the book won’t make any sense. Why are they so damned sad in the first place?
FT: Thank you! I despise “chat speak”, with all my soul.
GT: Ah, we finally get to see the elusive Wing-T. Marty got himself a nice Hot Toddy to celebrate too.
JP: Is this a FW/JP crossover?
MT: So…the freelance nature writer is the first person to check out the crime scene? Man, Cassandra could get away with murder in LoFo. She’s even got plenty of big animal brethren to rob.
MW: At least they had the foresight to wear matching colors. If this lady plans to go against Mary and her dog, then she’s soon going to have a close encounter with Mr. Jack Daniel and a conveniently placed cliff.
MC: Oh man, this is even better than I could’ve imagined. Thank you, Ed and Bob, this is the best present I’ve ever gotten.
RMMD: Worst. Criminal. Ever. Seriously, he’s just handing over all his hard-stolen cash?
SF: This is why I don’t drink at company parties. Well, not much at least.
SFx: And Bob delivers another treat! A cousin? Oh man, if Cassandra and Carla teamed up…well…that’d be the best thing ever. Or, as Zap Brannigan might say “That’s a crime spree that’s easy on the eyes”.
ErikaP
December 17th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

Wow, Mary Worth has never seemed more like a dementia victim. Notice how the blonde in panel three looks like she’s about to whip out a cell phone and call the cops?
Jim
December 17th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

PBS: I really hope this Christmas-visit storyline ends with either some Zeebas getting eaten or some Crocs dying. Because that’s what Christmas is truly about.
Little Guy
December 17th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

MARGO SHOOTS FIRST!
queek
December 17th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

MC and SFx FTW!

Masters Weber and Power, my hat is off to you both, this crossover is already made of win, and its only day one! I second the interest in any concept sketches for Slylocked versions of the My Cage crew.

Now if only we could see Cassandra and Carla cuddling, canoodling and being kissing cousins. The drool would restock Georgia’s resevoirs in nothing flat!
Rick James
December 17th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

There’s not enough sex and free-basing in the comix today!
Anonymous
December 17th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

#8 Skullturf Q. Beavispants: Hear, hear!
Anonymous
December 17th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

FOOB: That must be some casserole if they have to start cooking it one week beforehand!
Tamex
December 17th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

#116 and #117 are me. Oops.
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

You know that kinda Tex Avery “pretty girl” trope where the wolf’s tongue lolls out and he starts thumping his leg against the ground and howling?

Thanks, Ed Power of My Cage. I never expected to actually do that myself.
Calico
December 17th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

#63 – Sounds like a real hellscape.
And, possibly dropping by to stir up the pot, will be:

Iris, screeching that Jim can’t respond to her questions;
Gewald, with a bottle of plonk so he and April can finally go roadside;
Becky, whose parents really don’t give a damn;
Jeremy, the former bully-turned-roadie;
Eva-for eva(h);
Gordon and Tracy;
Therese, who will have nowhere else to go;
Deanna’s oddball parents.

Good Times!
Ryl
December 17th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

9CL: Stay classy, Edda. Stay classy.

A3G: Margo’s gonna eviscerate someone!

DT: Suddenly they’re all on the roof. Time is bent and space is warped!

JP: I’d say something, but I have absolutely no idea who the Shannons are.

MT: Andy’s on the case! It’ll be solved by this afternoon strip time, two months from now real time.

MW: Attack of the salmon jackets!

RMNAMBLA: Take some of the money and have that strange lumpy forearm of yours checked out, Niki.
Little Richard
December 17th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

“My Cage” makes my toe shoot up in my boot on a daily basis.
Calico
December 17th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

Sorry to ruin everyone’s Monday…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE2BpD9Zpdg

Check out some poor person’s comment about Saint Mike.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 17th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

12/17

MC: Oh great and glorious day! Cassandra is here! And someone was foolish enough to let her use the phone and a computer terminal unsupervised. Hey, don’t be surprised when Macguffin’s ad budget winds up in a bank in the Caymans.

SFx: Carla fills in while cousin Cassandra is trying her hand at white collar crime. If she learns to hide the newspapers at the homes she busts into, she’ll be a formidable thief.

GA: “To tell you the truth, Santa’s been wanting to do this since you pint-sized bastards unionized. Ho ho ho.”

DT: Who is this man who only wants to talk, and what did he do with Dick?

GT: “Is… is Ellington tap dancing? Why yes he is! Folks, I believe he’s about to break into song.”

FC: Nothing to see here, move along.

DtM: Is it really appropriate to attend Sunday School dressed as Her Tarlek. Maybe the parents should be called in.

Phantom: Poison Pygny People are totally harmless. Hence the name. Thanks, Ghost Who Abandons his Assistants Without a Ride Home.

Shoe: “Stop staring at my crotch, Loon.”

PBS: Mom and Pop Croc seem to take turns on which is more of a raging carnivore. It’s like Shirley Jackson’s “One Ordinary Day, With Zeebas,”

Big Dog: “Woman, for the love of God and all that is holy, will you please CLOSE THE CURTAINS?”
dreadedcandiru2
December 17th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Chunky SettingyourselfuptofailBean: Is Les trying to become a grand-dad in the next few years? If he ain’t, he’s sure as hell going about it the wrong damn way. If he keeps up this shit, she’ll get knocked up just to spite him. The sad thing is that the stupid piece of crap ain’ta gonna see it coming.

FBoFFOOOOOOOOOD!: Oh, that wacky April and her talking about leftovers at a Patterson dinner. She might as expect her family to eat food that isn’t dripping with fat like civilized human beings.
Niki Roth
December 17th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Check and mate… stupid escapee!
teenchy
December 17th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

FW (17 December): When did James Lipton join the cast?
Calico
December 17th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

RM – Excellent move, Niki – now your fingerprints are all over the stolen cash. Plus, I’m sure the serial numbers are all recorded. What a MENSA moment.
Niki Roth
December 17th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Oh shit!
gkl
December 17th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

MW: Ye gods! The Taco Bell dog is at Charterstone, and he’s gonna kick some beagle ass!
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 17th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

#104 Divine O’F

JP:Another hybrid! JP and DTGT! Or perhaps it’s just a low-stakes poker game. You’ve got a football player with one leg missing? I’ll see your missing leg and raise you a lawyer with TWO legs missing!

Pretty soon Apartment 3G will top them both with an art dealer who’s had all his limbs severed.
Saluki
December 17th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

96 Beavis

True story, I once had a grown woman ask me what day Thanksgiving fell on that year, and she was serious.
Darkefang
December 17th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

Cassandra crossing over into My Cage might be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in the comics page.
Dave
December 17th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

25 – Yes, it is one of ours – mine !!

A bittersweet moment, of course, in light of Mr Scaduto’s passing.

I thought of it as I was shopping at a natural-foods store in Peoria, where I lived until this year.

Oh, yeah !!
Hubris
December 17th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

When moonlight strikes those stairs, the rest of the stairway appears, leading to the dream city of Charter Nog’th in the sky. These panels are from the Roger Zelanzy-penned The Hand of Mary, part of his classic The Chronicles of Worth series.
Stephen
December 17th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

Anyone else have any idea why Ms. Blue-Pantssuit-Two-Purse destroyed Mary’s scarf? Is she just anxious because she is new to Charterstone?
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Thanks in advance for no “Stairway to Heaven” parodies.
Mariko
December 17th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Let’s recap: Dilbert is now hopping on the Equus bandwagon, Family Circus is defiling Charles Dickens, Dennis the Menace is bizarre in its specificity so that a lame joke can be made, Beetle is in his underwear before Sarge, Mary Worth starts to tip over, and the Pattersons are eating. Seems like a normal Monday for the funnies.
Gabacho
December 17th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

Sally Forth – I love how Sally Forth has become the comic strip equivalent of the Mary Tyler Moore show with a square center in the middle of loopy characters.

Having said that, office party drunks are a way past their sell by date cliche. I have been attending office parties nigh on thirty years (I’m an old f***) and have not seen the drunken coworker behaving badly. Therefore it must be true that noone else has.

Mary Worth – So yet another try for Margo to expand her career by appearing in another strip. First she showed up as Thèrése in FooB and now as the mortal enemy of Mary and Chester in MW. Maybe this plot will get interesting.

Re 132 and Thanksgiving – Yes, I had someone once remark to me regarding Thanksgiving “Oh, it’s on a Thursday this year.” and she meant it. This was the same woman who heard me speaking Spanish and asked me “how I knew what I was saying”, which caused me to ponder quite a bit.

I really liked her.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

45

Logopolis Mike

“I’m all for the Americans with Disabilities Act and giving injured veterans their shot, but doesn’t it seem like if this lawyer gets this gig in Judge Parker that there will be a one and/or no-legged person in darn near every strip.

Mike, if so, it will give new meaning for ” A candidate to go out on the stump.”!
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

100. Skullturf: Good point on Ballard Street mentioning iPod – but many strips mentioned the iPhone without being blocked, so I don’t know.

110. Tweeks Coffee: an overhaul of writing staff is a major possibility. Notice that they take risks – the notion that kids joke about what is basically a complex set of behavioral relationship issues (dating) and that it is often, in the general public, associated with sex at some point, makes this strip offendable to some sensibilities. This definitely makes it a departure. (And funnier. Then again, tarmac was funnier than the zombie strips.)

Plus: Cassandra and Carla teaming up? Yes please!! Definitely easy on the eyes and.. crime? What do you mean, for “crime”? Against a few state debauchery laws, maybe… *clears throat*

(…maybe I shouldn’t give KT more ideas for fanart…)

114. queek: my deepest apologies for misnaming you “squeek” in my earlier post!! I guess with all the Cat goodness today, I was feeling mousy… and excellent use of the phrase “kissing cousins”. Now I’m wondering if Mr. Weber had already thought of that and was just chuckling, waiting which of us mentioned it first, or how long it would take. :)

121. Ryl: space is not all that’s warped in DT…

124. Artist Formerly known as Ben: I think you’re on to something. I mean, this is Cassandra Cat, the Felonious Feline. She applied for being hired for a reason. Slylock won’t be on the case. If Norm flirts with her… both Ashley and Bridget will be furious… and oh, his life will be tormentous…

134. Dave: COngratulations!! And oh, doing this at a Health Food store on top of it? Pure TDIET moment indeed!

138. Mariko: This is no ordinary Monday, when a fun crossover actually happens. Who dares to make crossover in print comics anymore? Other than PBS, of course (past with FC, and future with Ted Forth). They were all burned after the Great April Fool Switch, it seems. And you have Phantom with his Poison Pygmy People…
sally
December 17th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

LEO BUSCAGLIA?????? Jeez, next she’ll be spouting Rod McKuen. Actually, after watching the dogs humping, that will be appropriate.
benro
December 17th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

CAT WEEK!! – This is so great.. Cassandra gets a job on My Cage and Slylock is going to set up a feline-a-trois.

Bob and Ed, you guys rule!!
Concrete Queen
December 17th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

The thing I like about Mary Worth is that it’s really pretty simple. If you ever get lost or confused, all you have to do is go back to the second panel of today’s strip, where Mary sums it up nicely with “But enough about him” and the unspoken implication “more about me”.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Ed Power

In All Seriousness
What can one do to help you get published?

A handwritten letter to local paper?

Email?

I like your work.
I would like to help.
Let us know.
cheech wizard
December 17th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Phantom – “Poison pygmies people are perfectly harmless. Much safer than cane toads. C’mon, give on a lick…”
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

68
Dingo
Been watching North by Northwest and reading If I Really Did It?
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

I tried to make a parody of Shiny Happy People with Poison Pygmy People, but couldn’t. I dislike REM too much to know the song well enough to give a parody any teeth. But if someone else wants to make it, go ahead. It seems eminently doable.
Rusty
December 17th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Can we get the My Cage artist to draw Pluggers?
Frank Parsnip
December 17th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

ltrftp Hedly (137): No fair! I just got back from the Led Zep concert, so unfortunately my head is now filled with the horrible thought of Robert Plant singing about Mary Worth — all about a lady who knows when the pet stores are all closed, with a word she can get lots of chewy sticks.
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

Today’s Dennis the Menace is beautifully composed. What a pro!
Gabe
December 17th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

I dunno if I can add to how awesome My Cage is today, but I’d like to say thanks to Ed and Bob for the awesome fan service. Sucks that we won’t see Bob’s interpretation of the gang at Maguffin.

Where’s Jamus at a time like this? I’d like a story involving Carla…
Mel
December 17th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

Red Greenback — for NYerCC:

“When the Chardonnay is chilled enough he yanks three times.”
Dean Booth
December 17th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

MW: Mary Vick.

#147, ltrftp Hedly: My son asked me this morning to get North by Northwest out of the library. I’m glad he’s suddenly interested in the oldies but goodies.
Sobek
December 17th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

I think someone mixed up the panels in Mary Worth. The third panel obviously comes from an old storyline where Mary took in a forlorn woman in a blue jumper, and jumper-lady chewed up Mary’s scarf. An enraged Mary kicked jumper-lady out, only giving her enough time to pack whatever she could fit in her two purses.

Yes, it was a boring story-line. That’s how I’m so sure it was real.
Calico
December 17th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

#154 – LOL
Bark! Bark! Bark!
AhClem
December 17th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

JP – New law partner, at a future trial: “Your Honor, my opponent’s case doesn’t have a leg to stand on … and I should know!”

Thank you. Veal. Waitress. Etc.
Cedar
December 17th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

Margo looks quite cute and girlish in that second panel, and a little bit like Maggie Gyllenhaal.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

Gabacho and Saluki*

Friends of mine adopted 2 girls from Korea.
Here are 2 questions they’ve been asked:

“Are you going to tell them they were adopted?”

“Are you going to teach them English?”
Biiirdmaaan!
December 17th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

RE: 46 Trilobite

FW: Just you wait. In 10 years time, we’ll all be saying “Solo car date.”
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

148
Niall
Does REM make your eyes roll?

150
Frank Parsnip
Thank God! I was just in time? Where did they plant Robert, anyway.

154
It is one of the few AH movies worth seeing again after five years or so. Do no ruin it for your son, but in the scene at cafeteria where EMS shoots CG, you can see a little boy holding his hands over ears.

Who let the Mary out?
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

157
Ah Clem
And the AAA is gonna be so tired of that lawyer, after a couple of drinks, calling them up and asking for a ‘toe’.
dimestore lipstick
December 17th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Regarding today’s TDIET–
Which is the lesser of two evils? Appearing to be hypocritical by using canvas totes and driving an SUV, or actively participating in the killing of trees or the proliferation on non-bio-degradable plastic, AND driving an SUV?

Geez! Listen, Dave Dahl of Chatham, IL–doing something always trumps doing nothing!

And you better not be reading your TDIETs in a dead-tree newspaper.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Ha Ha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02dm7YV_LHo

Writer’s Strike funny
Biiirdmaaan!
December 17th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Well, judging by how some newspapers apparently aren’t carrying the current FOOB storyline, I think 2 of the 14 guests will be Gayfriend MacBottom and his totally gay date. It’ll be totally edgy and we’ll all learn a very special message about judging people by the content of their character and not by what they put in their butts.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

164
NSFW
Sorry
SteveRoper
December 17th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

MW: More free aphorisms can be found on the Internet, http://www.allgreatquotes.com/friendship_quotes6.shtml
Juan de Fuca
December 17th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

I assumed that Eric was talking about the “woman he loves” — his sister-in-law, not Margo. I can’t wait to see what Margo does when he clarifies that for her in a minute, er, I mean, a week or two
prospero
December 17th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Thankfully, Margo still has five fingers and an opposable digit.
Starrynight
December 17th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

I want to know why Batiuk replaced Les with his evil twin brother and didn’t tell us. I hate how he has perverted this character and turned him into someone so creepy and overbearing.
Alt Dilog
December 17th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Take all the cash you want. You can get plenty more where that came from. It’s easy work, you’ll meet plenty of interesting people, and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. You won’t even have to get out of bed.
bats :[
December 17th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

A3G: for the life of me, I can’t keep track of the guys in the strip, aside from the Professor, and only because he’s older, stouter, and has a beard. But I do know a couple of months ago at a party, one of the “guys” was also wearing a Han Solo ensemble:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/1175093380/

I think there’s a “Corellian Corner” (kind of like Old Navy) where everyone shops…
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

ltrftp Hedly: Wondertastic Vid, don’t go changin’, ya hear?
Mel’s NyerCC: Send that bad boy in, I dare say!
Freezair
December 17th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

Has no one here yet noticed the odd and possibly improper use of “your” in Sunday’s and the snarked-upon Mary Worth?
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

Is Margo really Human?

169

Prospero says:”Thankfully, Margo still has five fingers and an opposable digit.

Total? That makes her arboreal, right? Does she have a tail?

Or are we talking each hand?

We are talking T. Sturgeon territory here.
Do you remember that short story?
Red Greenback
December 17th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

MW: Lady Dog Driver looks like Captain Kangaroo.
bats :[
December 17th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

Monday commentary:

FC: “…and as Big Daddy Keane spoke those words, his freakish, dwarfed children magically grew 50%! Ah, the magic of Christmas!”

FW: Les is an asshole. Run away, Summer…take your chances!

MW: for the love of the Italian Masters…think of Perspective! Won’t someone think of Perspective?

S4th: why do I read this and feel that if all the CCer’s got together for a holiday party, it would be something like this?

9CL: since I had a pre-vet major, a term like “uterus” doesn’t squink me out…until today.

Lio: hurray for weirdo fan-boys!

FOOB: a dream for FOOBland: Someone miscalculates horribly, and THERE ISN’T ENOUGH FOOD! After much wailing, incrimination and finger-pointing (much of it at Dee, because she’s “hosting” the dinner and everything ultimately falls into her lap (up to and including Wobin’s latest load)), cannibalism reigns rampant. Unfortunately, Elly the Matriarch and alpha-female is one of the survivors.
(If Dingo’s train scenario can fit into this, all the better. Even if it can’t, include it, sez I!)
Deena in OR
December 17th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

Red!

How’s your day?
Trilobite
December 17th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#106 Rocky Jones —

In reality, it would be at least six months before Chester knows what the boundaries are and could be a well-behaved member of Charterstone.

But how is Chester supposed to learn where the boundaries are when he’s being taught by Mary Worth? This is the old biddy who invites herself into everyone else’s apartment and considers their private business to be entirely her own!

Aw, crap. Chester’s going to end up being an apartment-sized Marmaduke, isn’t he?
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

173
Red
How was your golf game?

Freezair
I check my anile grammarian at the door with my sapid politics.

That said: You seem like a smart guy/gal, isn’t that ’staircase of destiny’ a hellawicked violation of the ADA?
bats :[
December 17th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Woo Hoo! I’m in the running for “The Cup” (yeah, the Coffee Stalk “Spill Your Beans” one). Look for a very short entry (hey, I personally am not THAT short!) from Linda in Tucson in Monday’s mailbag.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
December 17th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

#168 Juan de Fuca — A digression, but from your screen name, are you from anywhere near where I’m from? (Victoria, B.C, in my case.)
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Bats with emoticon
Huh?
Is that a Starbucks’ thing?
Mr. O’Malley
December 17th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

132. With the aid of a Canadian calendar, I once convinced an American that Thanksgiving was going to be on a Monday that year.
winky
December 17th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

MW – The landscape seems to suggest that Mary, Chester and Jeff are playing out the menage a trois from “Last Year at Marienbad.” I believe you may be correct to assume that Chester will be a party to The Charterstone Humping, but I don’t think that hairless little terrier will be involved.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 17th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

HotC: Don’t do it Dean. If you go scab now, Hollywood will always remember.
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

My Cage well deserves its success!
But someday you’ll look back and confess:
“I’m a wee bit ashamed
That our ticket to fame
Was a cat in a tight turquoise dress.”
commodorejohn
December 17th, 2007 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

Archie – Okay, ALGJU3K, I know you probably get your conception of human women from the Internet, but legs and hips do not work that way.

Curtis – I’d complain about pointless, random name-dropping, but at least this isn’t Herb & Jamaal, where it would’ve been “that popular office-themed comic strip.”

DT – Right, so now the crazy man and the governor are in danger. Good thinking, Tracy.

FOOB – You don’t get it, April. The Food is sacred and cannot be consumed before the Sacred Rite. Like the shewbread in the Temple, it is for the Goddess Elly and her sacred priesthood, not bratty little proles like you.

FW – Les’s overprotective mockery causes Summer to turn male in the last panel. This comic just keeps getting creepier.

GA – WTF?

MT – Oh, of course, it’s a ladies’ cigar, because, you know, it’s small.

Marmaduke – They’re dogs. They’re going to hump and then she’ll be gone in the morning.

MW – They wear matching light maroon overcoats. This will be the Biddy Duel of the Century.

MC – And so it begins. Heck yes.

Popeye – Olive, stop hitting the goddamn Thungs. Popeye the comic strip, start having something happen already.

RMMD – Wait, I thought he was an escapee from prison. Do they let you bring one carry-on bag of stolen money to the pen, or did he have time to knock over a bank on the way out to the cabin?

SFx – And Cassandra might be gainfully, legally employed over in My Cage at the moment, but the ever-awesome Bob Weber Jr. has provided a substitute who’s almost as sexy (probably even more so if she weren’t wearing baggy clothing.)

SM – Oh, money. So that’s how Jameson plans to get Peter to take care of the problem without stopping to watch TV.
The Divine O’F
December 17th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

131 Former Ben: Bwahahaha!
Dub Not Dubya
December 17th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Happy Birthday, John C. Fremont!
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

A3G preview:

Margo: “So you love another woman? Whew, I thought you were going to say you weren’t really rich.”
winky
December 17th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

MW – The landscape seems to suggest that Mary, Chester and Jeff are playing out the menage a trois from “Last Year at Marienbad.” I believe you may be correct to assume that Chester will be a party to The Charterstone Humping, but I don’t think that hairless little chihuahua will be involved.
Flealick
December 17th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

SFx: I was having my morning coffee when I discovered that the sexy, sexy cat contingent of this child’s comic strip had doubled overnight. The level of delerious excitement this generated within my heart frankly terrifies me.

As for the solution to today’s puzzler, at first I thought Carla chose the house because, judging from the perspective, it was a movie-set cut-out of the front of a house, and she could just walk around it. Then I saw she was using a crowbar for entry, so I concluded that the house must have been built at a 90 degree angle to the the street, so that passers-by could witness the stealthy skulking of felonious felines in form-fitting catsuits (and any suit Carla wears is a catsuit). When I run for election to the planning commission, I intend to make the adaptation of this design practice my sole campaign platform.
SmartPeopleOnIce
December 17th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Apparently, Pluggers are shaped like balloon animals.
Flipper
December 17th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

FW: Solo car date? Even Scaduto would be scratching his head over that one.
odinthor
December 17th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

NYer Caption Contest. –

“So I sez to him, ‘Barry, you say there are man-eating salmon, but are you man enough to prove it?’.”
Desoto
December 17th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

9CL – Does anybody in this strip speak without consulting a dictionary and/or thesaurus? (Or do the characters all live in some alt-reality all-white NYC? I mean c’mon – Edda goes to Juliard and I’ve never seen even ONE person of Asian descent!)

FW – Like (Gr)anthony, Les has gone over from pathetic loser to creepy control freak.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

odinthor

“So I sez to him, ‘Barry, you say there are man-eating salmon, but are you man enough to prove it?’.”

Wait for it.

Here it comes….

Isn’t that just a re-hash of roe vs. wad?
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

NYCC: “He said he’d be right back.”
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

DeSoto
It can be disorienting…..
Desoto
December 17th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

P.S.

FW – Does this mean he’s going to keep Summer locked up in the basement?
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

I guess I need a link to contest….please
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

NYCC: “I suppose this doesn’t look good…”
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/caption/
Edgy DC
December 17th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Look at Margo’s twitching digits. She’s aching to celebrate Eric’s love by finger-quoting.
Spunky N. Tadpole
December 17th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

SFox – “Cassandra Cat’s cunning and criminal cousin, Carla” Whoa! Weber wows us with weird alliterative wackiness!

And of course, as well as being as easy on the eyes as Cousin Cassie, Carla seems also to have already gotten the routine in Slylockville down pat: pick the most blatantly simpleton-obvious target to hit, so that Slylock and Max can’t help but come running – which will of course, leave the rest of S’ville open to whatever crime wave the smarter of its nefarious inhabitants can get up to.

And of course, we just know Carla will beat the burglary beef – probably just in time to show up in next Sunday’s strip – she will probably claim she was jimmying open the window to rescue the trapped crab carelessly left inside by the vacationing owners.
Ces
December 17th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

#177: S4th: why do I read this and feel that if all the CCer’s got together for a holiday party, it would be something like this?

That sounds about right. Oh, and if you want to read some lines that didn’t make the cut for the strip, please check out:
http://francescoexplainsitall.blogspot.com/2007/12/questions-not-to-ask-at-office-holiday.html

#139: Sally Forth – I love how Sally Forth has become the comic strip equivalent of the Mary Tyler Moore show with a square center in the middle of loopy characters.

A Mary Tyler Moore comparison?! I am actually, sincerely honored!
Moon Mullins
December 17th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

132, 159:

The other day I got into an argument with all the nurses and clerks in the ER nursing station over how many states there are in the USA. No one would agree with me that there are 50 states. Most said there are 52; some said they weren’t sure how many there are, but they were certain it wasn’t 50. Trained medical professionals, people!

I started to get some to believe me when I told them I would bet my car against a dollar that I was right. Even so, they wanted to go on the Internet to find out the answer.

Getting these coworkers to believe that Thanksgiving falls on a Monday would be shooting fish in a barrel.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

204
Sans Sense
Merci
Zaq
December 17th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Dilbert: Imagine, if you will, a scenario in which Dilbert takes a cue from Judge Parker or RMMD, and three weeks later we’re still on the same joke as today. (un)Subtle commentary, or surrealist brilliance? You decide.
kingklash
December 17th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

So, is this the dog that beat the crap out of Chester and left him for dead by the side of the road?
louder
December 17th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I have a feeling that Gramps is going to kick it on Christmas, that would be pure Lynn. I picture one frame will be Granthony proposing to Liz, and the next one of Gramps dying, with his last word being “boxcar” of course.
Cheese-n-Pear
December 17th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Popeye: I’m not sure anyone else has mentioned it, but 62 billion is not a power of two, and presumably the numbers were 68,719,476,736 Thungs, now increased to 137,438,953,472 Thungs, which means that Popeye and Olive Oyl have collectively hit the Thungs thirty-seven times now.

Yes, this is much more analysis than a Popeye strip deserves. And yes, this is proof that I am a nerd.
DAS
December 17th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

Let’s see if I have MW correct:

MW writes off Jeff ’cause Jeff is allergic to dogs, and ~~Aldo~~ Chester is the most important ~~person~~ dog in Mary’s life right now. But the prelude to the comic is a quote about friendship. And whaddya know … in the last panel, in an apparent cross-over from A3G, what looks to be Margo’s younger and hotter sister is about to come up some stairs to the top of a Mayan pyramid to sacrifice herself to the advice goddess, Mary Worth?

I suspect that Mary’s about to meet a “special friend” who will teach Mary certain things about herself she’s not yet realized. ;)
Moon Mullins
December 17th, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

212 Louder:

Nah, the time freeze will ensure Gramps will be with us always. Thus they can look at him, mute in the corner, and say, “remember when he used to talk up a storm?” and then cut to two godawful weeks of some rerun where he can talk.
Gabe
December 17th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

213: Also remember you’re over-analyzing a Popeye strip from the 60s, if that makes you feel more foolish.
C. Havoc
December 17th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Ok, I was, like, too lazy to read all the comments so far. Has anyone else pointed out that Eric the Dimbulb hasn’t actually connected together the statements he’s made about Margo and the ones he’s making about “the Woman he Loves’? I mean, sure, he just sticks one thought right on the end of another like his mouth has the runs or something, but he’s actually talking about 2 different people. Serious Margo-Style Smackdown coming up this week, folks.
Paperback Rifler
December 17th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

Not much to say except for this, which is left over from yesterday:

Family Circus (Sunday): This installment is a sad testament to Jeffy’s powerlessness over his obsessive-compulsive disorder, which apparently has a music-related component that denies him the enjoyment of listening to a song unless he can find a tangible, song-related object that he can hold in his hands while he listens to the song. Thus, he goes to find a drum when the television choir sings “The Little Drummer Boy;” and he’ll probably run off to find some bells now that the choir switched over to “Silver Bells.” Lord knows what he would do if he heard Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-a-Ling” or Isaac Hayes’ “Theme from Shaft.”

I also tried my hand at a “Shiny Happy People” parody per Niall. The result is pretty darn “meh.” Apologies to R.E.M., to any Poison Pygmy People who might frequent this site, and to everybody everywhere:

. . . Poison Pygmy People party . . .

Ghost came into town —
Phantom! Phantom!
Took a look around —
Saw graf-fiti!
Some spraypainting clown
Painted! Painted! —
Pictures all around
Of the Ghost Who Walks . . .
And his stripey butt . . .

. . . Poison Pygmy People whitewash walls . . .
. . . Poison Pygmy People whitewash walls . . .
. . . Poison Pygmy People painting . . .

What are folks to do —
Phantom woke them!
In their living room —
Captives! Captives!
Are they to assume —
That those Pygmies! —
Are just harmless goons
And not cannibals?
Hope they like Cheez Whiz . . .

. . . Poison Pygmy People eating snacks . . .
. . . Poison Pygmy People eating snacks . . .
. . . Poison Pygmy People noshing . . .
Weaselboy
December 17th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

MW: Quoting Leo Buscaglia, the King of Platitudes. That’s the only thing about this strip that makes any kind of sense.
C. Havoc
December 17th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Feeling rather guilty that I had committed some kind of Curmudgeon Cardinal Sin, I DID go back and read the comments. It looks like, at the lest, Calico (105) and Juan de Fuca (168) were both well ahead of me.

Sorry…
Rusty
December 17th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

FW: Les is going to give his daughter the key to her chastity belt on her 25th birthday.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
December 17th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

ltrftp Hedly @ 145,

RE: “In All Seriousness
What can one do to help you get published?”

First, thanks for asking. Second, it really depends. If we are in your local paper, write and let them know you like us. If we aren’t, write them and ask for us.

I don’t think it matters if you e-mail or hand write it/snail mail it.

(If you mean ‘published’ as in book form though, write our syndicate, King Features, and let them know you would buy a compelation book if there was one.)

Any little bit helps. While we’re doing pretty well for a new strip, our audience skews young and, hence, less likely to write their newspaper.

While I’m pimping the strip anyway…have I mentioned we’ll be running a contest for our myspace fans in January? And that after Melissa gets finished with her latest graphic novel we’re going to be looking into a little merchandising? No? Well, now I have. :D

Thanks again for asking. Any support is GREATLY appreciated.

-Ed
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

C. Havoc
Don’t you feel better?
And we are so glad you do.
Nil Zed
December 17th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

58- Red re: Chester Drawers in Costa Mesa.

It is oh so sad that we were in Orange County for 7 years, and only discovered Chester Drawers a few weeks before moving away. Gooooood Breakfast.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

222
Ed Power
Thanks for the info.
You are not in my local papers. One of my locals dies on 12/31/07, so there is even less room in local papers.

I skewold. But I will see what I can do with local paper and alts.

I am always impressed by those who try to live their dreams.

Good luck.

If you want to suck up to Glenn Reynolds at http://www.instapundit.com you would probably get your book deal.

Just start doing some libertarian themed strips.

Good luck.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

I forgot to preview
I
skew
old.
Girl Reporter
December 17th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

If that’s a Han Solo car date, I call shotgun!
DAS
December 17th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Re: #218, Paperback Rifler

Thanks FC … now you got Little Drummer Boy stuck in my head … and I’m Jewish!

Can I take a page from AIPAC and accuse FC of anti-Semitism?
Ned Ryerson
December 17th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

If you google “Leo Buscaglia Quote” the top hit is some page with 30 Leo Buscaglia Quotes and the one in Mary Worth is at the top of that list. What does this suggest? That I have nothing better to do.

At least I’ll never be at a loss for a Leo Buscaglia quote.
Krazy Kat
December 17th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

WOOOO! TARZANA NIGHTS!!!
Perky Bird
December 17th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

“Solo car date”? What the hell is that?

I’m going out on a limb here. If “car date” means that the couple will be making out in the car, parked on lovers’ lane, then it follows that a “solo” car date means…you’re making out by yourself on lovers’ lane?

Eeeeew….
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in shade.
Leo Buscaglia
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

A propos of absolutely nothing, here is a song which started out as a ‘gimmick’ song which then turned into a big hit.
Can you think of others?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKIyfdpt2V8&feature=related
Girl Reporter
December 17th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

Ces says: …if you want to read some lines that didn’t make the cut for the strip, please check out:
http://francescoexplainsitall.blogspot.com/2007/12/questions-not-to-ask-at-office-holiday.html

I thought the “four legs and can’t walk” one was going to be that Jim and Nancy were making the beast with two backs in the store room.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 17th, 2007 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

#220 C. Havoc,
Don’t worry. As sins go, oversnarking is pretty venial. I hope.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Couldn’t you, if you were into synonyms, sat that a ’solo’ ‘car’ date was also an ‘auto’ ‘auto’ date.
Little Guy
December 17th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

SFx: Okay, I’ll say it. Carla is cuter than Cassie. Don’t hate me for it.

And nice PSA from Bob Weber. Make your house look lived in, even while away.

Continuing on the PSA: Many newspapers allow a “vacation stop”, some with the option to donate said money to a local needy school.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

Girl Reporter

You must skew young.

Actually, so did I. Of course at a Judge Parker party, it would have been “3 legs and can’t walk”.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 17th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

NYCC: I kept telling that city boy this was the wrong place to make a snow angel. Did he listen?
SmartPeopleOnIce
December 17th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

Hey Ed Power,

Perhaps a stupid question, but does King Features use the hit count on the on-line version as a metric for how well your strip is doing?

Even when I read the strip in print, I try to make it a point to go back and clicky on it at Chron. Hell, I’d even go back and click twice more using my feet, but I assume its the unique hits that count (not to mention I’m getting odd looks from the other Starbucks patrons).
Flealick
December 17th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

#237–the lesson in Slylock Fox to me is to make my home looked lived in, even when lived in. There’s always several days worth of newpapers out front, because I’m too lazy to pick them up or call up and cancel my subscription.

I learned other lessons from the strip as well, but common decency precludes me from sharing.
WonderCat
December 17th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

Ah, Mary Worth. You always challenge us with your gritty, real-life stories. While other comic strips give us murder (Mark Trail), armed robbery (Rex Morgan), political intrigue (Judge Parker), and teen killers who hang out with one-legged punching machines (do I really need to say?) — you give us… an interminable week of two women wearing salmon pink outfits walking erratically size-shifting dogs towards each other… Closer… and closer… and closer… Towards what destiny? What calamity??

And so far, today’s dramatic meeting does not disappoint. Mary raises her hand in the universal sign of danger! Mystery Salmon Lady raises her fist in the universal sign of “I’m going to go all Mark Trail on you”! Personally, I’m just delighted at the idea of Mary being sued in a canine paternity suit.
Cheese-n-Pear
December 17th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

216: No, I wasn’t aware of that, but rather than feeling foolish, now it just makes me feel nostalgic. That means they’re probably the exact same strips I read as a kid. And it means I so far don’t remember a single one of them.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

testing new url
Reynard Noir.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

I’m fascinated by the ominous Other Dog Walker, who frankly might be Margo as she exists in the pablum world of Mary Worth, because it looks as if she’s killed and skinned Mary and fashioned a collar out of her hair.

Which we all know, in our hearts, is what OUGHT to happen if the two ever met.
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

MT: Mark continues to amaze and astound. In addition to his “Fists of Justice”, he apparently also has highly specialized “Tastebuds of Justice”. Just by snacking on the discarded cigar he can tell its manufacturer and relative freshness. God forbid he comes across some spoor that needs analysis…
Shermy Glamrocker
December 17th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

BREAKING NEWS: Dagwood’s Sandwich Shoppes in financial trouble

Sources say it could be related to Bumsteads’ porn habits.

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2007/dec/15/bz-dagwoods-lays-off-employees/?news-money
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

187. Keg of Curd: delightful limerick!

218. Paperback Rifler: I think that parody is worlds ahead of what I started with – and full on-target. No shame to be had in it!

237. Little Guy: Oh, many would agree Carla is cuter. Cassie is just more Mrow. (Or: Carla mrow, Cassie mrower, Ashley mrowest.)

Reynard: very nice angle with today’s SFx strip. You didn’t go the obvious route. You never do. :)
Godzooky
December 17th, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

“Purple People Eater” might be a better candidate for a “Poison Pygmy People” song parody: Here’s what it sounds like, here are the lyrics. Have to catch up on work, maybe someone out there can give it a shot.
Jp
December 17th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

On the contrary, Eric has long dreamed of a Han Solo proposition scene. It’s just that, well, he was dressed as Han and making the proposition, and Margo, his crying stepsister, or some random hooker was dressed as Princess Leia. The look on his face is the look of a man who’s just realised that his innermost fantasy is coming true, only it’s the wrong kind of proposition and there’s a slave girl outfit that’s just not going to wear itself.

Damn monkeypaw must be faulty.
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth’s will seem more exciting if you hum the riff to Barracuda under your breath as you read it. I mean this specifically with respect to the “two small dogs very, very gradually approaching one another” storyline but I suppose it would work any time.
odinthor
December 17th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

NYer Caption Contest. –

2. “Well, now that that’s all over with, how many ‘bottles of beer’ were we at?”

3. “It appears that not everyone enjoys hearing about the little pleasures of accountancy, Milton.”

4. “So now, Randy, I guess it’s either you or me who’s going to be the rotten egg.”
Girl Reporter
December 17th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp. Doonsbury. Funky Winkerbean. And now, Judge Parker.

The comics are jumping on the amputee-chic bandwagon one by one. And by jumping I mean…. Oh, never mind.

No, I’m not proud of myself.
cheech wizard
December 17th, 2007 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

New Yorker contest – “No, Larry’s not goin’ for the cheese curls. Got any pork rinds?”
cheech wizard
December 17th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

It’s hard to tell, because Eric’s blocking one of her hands – but I think what Margo’s actually saying is ‘Marry me, “darling”!’
Jejune
December 17th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

One might think that “your living” in third panel of MW is merely a typo, but I think it finally explains why Mary was so willing – nay, eager – to adopt this mutt. As any reader of Jane Austen is aware, a living is a clergy benefice, including the revenue attached to it, and it can be inherited. Obviously, Chester was once owned by a wealthy British eccentric who left him a valuable living that Mary hopes to get rich off of since she will be Chester’s sole guardian. The only real question is how fast she can get Chester ordained. I’m thinking that with the powers of that new fangled interweb at her disposal, it may already have happened. There has to be a website called Ordainyourdog.com, right?
Mountain Mama
December 17th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

“Take a walk with me, Margo. We need to talk.”

Oh, has anything good ever come to pass after those four words? I submit that, no, there never has.

And since Margo is involved, it’s just going to be doom and woe and bloodshed and violence.

At least, it better be.
fahrenheit451
December 17th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

MW-Exactly where in California is “Santa Royale?” I admit I know diddly-squat about the state, but why is the Margo clone wearing a winter coat with a fur collar when there are palm trees in the landscape?

FOOB-Guests 13-14: the long lost and presumably dead Kelpfroths! What better way for St. Michael to rub the success of “Stone Season” (or is it Snow Season?) in the faces of the tobacco hounds who torched his apartment?
Moss_Moses
December 17th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

What’s the Vegas line on Chester vs Taco Bell Chihauhua? My money is on Chester but I’m worried that Mary Worth is going to go all Michael Vick on him and kill him if he loses…
Moss_Moses
December 17th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

258. 451 F: Santa Royale is located 35 miles southwest of Cap City. I take it you’ve never been there. The Margo clone’s fur coat is strictly a fashion statement, not meant for warmth.
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

260 Moss -

Perhaps it’s there to keep the chill in?
fahrenheit451
December 17th, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

Moss_Moses-

Nope. I’ve been to San Diego and changed planes in L.A. once. Does that count?
Flealick
December 17th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

I’m in San Diego and it’s absolutely freezing. Low 50s. Given the lack of body fat evident on the waif with the waifish dog, she probably would need protective clothing in such hellish conditions.

I’ve always taken Santa Royal to be a stand-in for Santa Barbara or thereabouts, where I suppose it can get chilly in the winter.
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

I think the chihauhua spent the summer boxing or killed a kid wrestling or something. All I know is that the fur collar on Margaux is the chihauhua’s last victim. Watch yourself Chesty!
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

253
Girl Reporter
“Jumping on the amputee-chic bandwagon” ? Is that how you make more room in the cart?

256
Jejeune<?

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single dog in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a bitch.”

Oh Mountain Mama
I am loathe to go against your wisdom
But Kurt Vonnegut
in “Long Walk to Forever” *
provides a contrary view.

Forgive me?

Found in “Welcome to the Monkey House
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

Shoot.
Another puppy dieted because I did not preview.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

259
Moss Moses

I have a BC from 1998.
Wiley is on phone, talking to operator.

Wiley: I want to call Santa Barbara

Operator: Doesn’t he mind?

Does this make me a plugger?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
December 17th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

I am so disappointed at the quality of the comics lately that I am going to invent my own, much more entertaining comics in my head, and snark them instead.

AYP: Oh, yeah? Well, so did Charles Manson, but you don’t hear him bragging about it.

Caldecott: Shit, if it were that easy, my cat would be a millionaire today. Sardine sandwiches for everybody!

CF: I dunno about you, but if I could walk that way, I’d never leave the house.

CtC: All right, this is starting to piss me off. One, that’s clearly NOT the same gun she had in the Sunday strip. That was a revolver; this one’s clearly an automatic. Second, telling someone the safety is on is one of the oldest tricks in the book, and Carla is supposed to be smarter than that. (Second and a halfth — how the hell does she think he can see the safety from 10 feet away in the first place? In the dark? With the only light coming from behind her?!?) Third — he was not only 10 feet away, but four feet lower and on the other side of a freakin’ railing! What is he, Stretch Armstrong?! And she’s supposed to be the super-agile one! “Crime’s nocturnal nemesis,” my pasty white ass. I tell ya, if it wasn’t for the catsuit, I woudn’t even read this strip.

Dr.Q: Yeah, you and me both, pal.

EoP: Gay. Gay gay GAY gay gay. They aren’t even trying to hide it now. (But Brock’s right, that is a fabulous purse.)

Littleton: I’m no guardian ad litem, but I think it’s child abuse to let your kids be that stupid. I’d have had my tubes tied after one, but it’s too late for that. However, I do know this place down by the lake that sells burlap sacks and cinder blocks cheap.

MoM: Actually funny today. Not LOL funny, but a bit of a chuckle. Is this strip a rerun?

Simon: UR DOIN IT RONG

SCCS: Run for the hills! It’s the Apocalypse! Oh, wait, sorry, it’s just Renna without her makeup.

TF: <voice="Morbo"> REFRIGERATORS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOODNIGHT! </voice>

YOG(MD): Haw haw haw! It’s funny because he’s old and fat! Haw haw haw! *retches*
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

I gave up on EoP long time ago. It’s just a H&J ripoff.
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

#268 SSB –

Bravo!
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Anyway
The dogs are best friends.
The Chihuahua is Chester’s litter pal.

No fight. No fuss. No story.
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

#268 SSB –

Though I think you’re being a little unfair to Littleton. It’s chocolate, and they’re kids — bring the dog into it if you like, but what else would you expect? You want Edison Lee?
Mr. O’Malley
December 17th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

258. The temperature here is 56F and there are people walking around with fur collars.

I’ve always imagined Santa Royale as being around Santa Barbara somewhere, and it’s 56F there too.

Others think it’s closer to San Diego, where it’s currently 57F.

I bet you could find people with fur collars in those places too. Californians are not used to winter unless they live up in the mountains.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

Keg of Curd
Remember the time EoP got caught up in the whole Controversial Single Career Woman pregnancy dust up with the dude who was disapproving powerful politician?

The comics were more relevant then, you know?
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

272
But the “Chocolate Lab” punchline was straight from Foobville.
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

#275 ltrftp Hedly –

Yeah, but that’s gross. Some people are allergic, you know!
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy
That’s what I thought I was saying. It gives one paws is all.
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, now I think you’re getting it mixed up with the infamous “I’ll be in my lab” line. Which was, what, some kind of a Marmaduke crossover or something? It was a bit of a stretch as I recall anyway.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
December 17th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

Oh, and one more…

RvQ: Yes, yes, OK already. ALCOHOLISM IS BAD. We get it already. Sheesh, I’ve read Chick tracts with more subtlety.
fahrenheit451
December 17th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

273

Of course. It’s a balmy 21 here in beautiful NW Ohio, and I guess I forget that fur is sometimes an accessory rather than a necessity…
dale
December 17th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

Moon Mullins -
Were you able to collect any state names from the people who thought there were more than 50?
I can think of some, but they’re mental aberrations with nontechnical names.

Remember the fellow from New Mexico who wanted Atlanta Olympics tickets: he was told to call Puerto Rico because he was in some part of Mexico.
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

And dude, the last thing I remember from EoP was that “hip rabbi” character taking, like eight panels to tell a joke that ended up with, “Better than a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, wasn’t it?”
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

#278 Keg –

I certainly am not! The strip was out for what, a week? over that one. Filthy little Rex Morgan wannabe just climbed right in. I don’t know what’s going on in Snyder’s head these days, but it ain’t healthy.
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

#281. dale

I nominate New Canada and Bush as the two extra.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
December 17th, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

Keg of Curd @ 282: Exactly. That was the beginning of the end for me, too. I mean, if you’re going to resign yourself to sucking, at least suck originally and don’t steal it from strips that sucked before you.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
December 17th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

East Virginia.
Benicillin
December 17th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

Mountain Mama
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
December 17th, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

Take me home.
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

Old Mexico?
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

Country Roads
Benicillin
December 17th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

I’m cra-a-ashing on an airplane
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
December 17th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

We are in full embroidery mode, people. Please keep all tray tables and beagles in their full upright and locked positions. We’re encountering some clear-air irrelevance.
Sans Sense
December 17th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

Didn’t he crash right off the coast of Roosevelt? or was it Newer York?
His Bartenderness, Jamus
December 17th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Yeah. Gonna be Dee’s mom and dad. As I recall, Dee’s mom was really irritating, and , being a non-Patterson, was made to look kinda nasty. Dee’s dad told her to shut the hell up in front of everybody. Which is something Pattersons never EVER see.
I like Dee’s dad. He’s cool.
Ah, the Christmas spirit.
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

I think I would go with fewer than 50 states, btw.
Dean Booth
December 17th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

Tomorrow’s JP: “Hire him!” says Sam. “This place already reaks of legs!”
fizzy logic
December 17th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

Possibly a state:
Philadelphia
Yellowstone
Sacramento
Las Vegas

Possibly not a state:
New Mexico
Washington
Buffalo
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

283 and 285
If I remember correctly, the problem was suckling not , Hence the “allergy” controversy.
Dean Booth
December 17th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

#268, SSB: Brilliant!
Chance
December 17th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

Hoo!
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

suckling
not
sulking

John Denver

Who knew his last big hit would be the Pacific Ocean?
fizzy logic
December 17th, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

Oh, and in PUD? Stuck in traffic? Again? How old and tired is that gag?
dale
December 17th, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

Godzooky -
I’m not following what you’re up to with Purple People Eater, but any time someone mentions that, I think of My Friend the Witch Doctor.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

SSB
You are unparralled in any universe. I don’t mean the compliment obliquely.
Keg of Curd
December 17th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

He does it once a year, every year on the same day. So it’s supposed to be like a “tradition”. But he always does that sort of zoom-in on the freeway with the same exact angles, just little details draw differently on some of the cars. And then in the last panel it’s always “But I don’t wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-nna be stuck in traffic!”

And the laughs, I gather, ensue.
Tamex
December 17th, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

We once did a challenge at work to see if we could come up with all 50 states (we were in agreement that there were 50).

None of us could come up with Maryland.
Tamex
December 17th, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

#294 Bartenderness: It’s just not Christmas without a little drama. Otherwise, Lynn would have nothing to draw but Pattersons passed out on sofas in feast-enduced comas.
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

The other woman in MFWIW:
I have found her!

http://imdb.com/gallery/mptv/1416/Mptv/1416/5095_0205.jpg.html?hint=tt0058824
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

It is almost the same coat!
Must Love Dogs
December 17th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

A3G: Leave it to Margo[Boxcar!][Saturn!] to bring the dramarama.
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

286+: you made me laugh rather loudly in my apartment. Thank you; I needed that.

SSB: yes, many strips suck a lot lately. But don’t you have any opinion on the new crossover? That doesn’t suck at all, I think.. or is it too early to tell? (Your new strips however are a gem.)
Loopina
December 17th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Dee’s dad and Iris are going to be caught in the guest bedroom sucking face. I’m calling it now.

#306: That makes me sad – I was born in Maryland. I can name them all, but I’d probably screw up the placement of the big square ones out West.

51st state: North Tacoma.
Loopina
December 17th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

Also, Moosylvania.
Jamus The Bartender
December 17th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

Tales Of Goldberg’s

Calvin needed an extra hand at Goldberg’s, I needed some extra Yuletide cash….guess what happened.
It was sort of a busy night, until things wound down around eleven…it being a school night after all. One particular customer caught my eye.
She had a slight French accent, and an excess of eye makeup that would have given Morticia Addams pause. Beautiful, but with the weight of a million bad decisions behind her. ” What can I get you, miss?” I asked, putting on my polite hat.
I figured she’d ask for creme de menthe of despair with a dash of bitterness, and to put it all on the rocks of wretchedness, and to pass the peanuts of pathos. No such luck.
“Boilermaker, please. Jim Beam and Schlitz. And keep them coming please.”
I knew she was cool. And she looked like she had money too. No sex, but it looked like Jamus was gonna be able to get his niece that pony she always wanted.
After a few drinks, she loosened up a little. Started talking about her daughter Francoise, and how she was afraid for her, living in that “suburban hell-hole” under the influence of “The Lizard” and her mother with “Le Iron Fist”.
A lot of this was beginning to sound somewhat familiar.
“Sounds like someone I dated briefly, miss…”
“Call me Therese”
Therese. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckitty fuck fuck. So this was THAT Therese Liz told me about.
Funny, I didn’t notice horns, cloven hooves,a pointed tail, or a UPC symbol with the numbers of the beast tattooed to her forehead.
I offered Therese some tissue, but the phone rang. It was Tracy.
“Hiya Dick. How’s the haunted house thing going? Yeah, yeah, I know. It was just a joke, Dick, settle down…..Cassandra? In the joint, I told you that. No, that’s impossible. She’s up in Anchorage. I’m going in a few days…..
“Slylock saw who? Listen, are you sure you’ve got this right? Okay, Dick, do me a favor, get some coffee, I’ll call the fox tommorow, and we’ll straighten this out, okay? Kiss Tess for me.”
“Who was that?” Therese asked me.
“Buddy of mine. I think he’s had a few too many prune juices and grain alcohols. He told me he saw an ex of mine burgling a house. Couldn’t be her, naturally, she’s up in prison…” At that point, an out of breath Ashley T Bengal stormed through the door, letting out a string of curses that would make Joan Of Arc blush.
“Damn, girl, do you eat with that mouth?” I asked.
“Jamus, I gotta talk to you….” With that, Ashley bent over, her pert breasts pressing into my arm as she whispered to me…
“McGuffin Inc. has hired WHO?”
To Be Continued
ltrftp Hedly
December 17th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

Otisburg
Tamex
December 17th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

#312 Loopina: Funny thing is, I’ve been to Maryland since then. I’d probably remember it now.

I was born in Montana, so the big square states come rather easily. It’s those little squirrely ones in the east that are tough. Which one’s Vermont and which one’s New Hampshire? I have no idea.
Godzooky
December 17th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

#303 dale: When I saw the words “Poison Pygmy People,” it played in my head with the tune to “Purple People Eaters,” so, to me, that was a song parody waiting to happen. Unfortunately, no time to try it myself and I’m no good at it, anyway, so I threw it up on the wall to see if it would stick. Apparently not. Oh,well.

Thanks for getting that Witch Doctor tune in my head, though.
Chuck
December 17th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

Han shot first and it was horrifying.
Dean Booth
December 17th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

Phantom for Thung lovers
Jamus The Bartender
December 17th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

Tales Of Goldberg’s
Carla Cat Stops By To Say Hello

An overweight Garfield’s breath could be heard wheezing on the other end of the line”Listen to me, my boy…”
I hammered back, “Don’t ‘my boy’ me, you fat fuck, you mean to tell me Cassandra’s not only out of prison, but she’s got a job at McGuffin’s? When were you planning on telling me this?”
“If you will please be silent, and listen, i’ll tell you.”
Garfield took a drink of his whiskey and soda, at least that’s what I assumed it was. “Firstly, Cassandra is on what we call a “work-release” program. If she complies with all the given rules, she will be free within a year to six months. Seems the arresting officer forgot to read Cassandra her rights. My lawyers made a deal with this fellow Max who runs the company.”
Ashley told me about this guy. Real womanizer. Thinks he’s God’s gift to women. Asshole.
“Okay, that much I understand. But what about…”
“Secondly, Cassandra asked me not to tell you. ”
Ten count of shocked silence. “Oh…”
” I gather she’d intended to visit you ….in your, er, boudoir, a few days before Christmas….wrapped in gaudy ribbon with a red and white Kris Kringle hat….and little else. It was meant to be a suprise.”
Damn. Damn, damn, damn.
” I would appreciate it if you would act sufficiently suprised.”
I nodded towards the phone again, realizing he wouldn’t see it. “Mea culpa, Garfield. And a big dogging Maxima Culpa. Okay?”
“Also, she wanted to do this without your help. I realize you have some contacts in Avery Town which would have facillitated this, but, she wants you to be proud of her.”
Some water leaked from my eyes. Must have been a snowflake.
” I already am. Thanks, Garfield. And, sorry about the “fat fuck” thing..”
Garfield smiled. ” I’ve put on some pounds. It happens.”
” Amen and Hallelujah.” I said as I hit the off button.
Walking into my apartment, I caught the scent of Calvin Klein perfume. Now, I don’t wanna make myself come off as Wolverine here, it’s just, you work in a bar long enough, you, er, make some acquaintences, you pick these things up, is all.
My first thought was that my suprise was here.
Thing is, Cass never wore Calvin Klein perfume.
I slowly opened the door, keeping myself well shielded, when a voice came out, saying, ” It’s about damned time you got home. I’m freezing my ass off, I hope you don’t mind me wearing your sweater.
Remember the episodes of Bewitched, and I Dream Of Jeanie, when the same actress playing the lead roles would double up, and play the evil twin sisters or cousins or whatever? Well, folks , meet evil twin Carla Cat, cousin to Cassandra.
I closed the door, hard. “Hi, Carla, nice to see you, so sorry you’ve got to be going.”
Carla was indeed wearing my sweater, and nothing else, as her position on my bed revealed, her legs spread, hiking up the hem of my sweater.” Listen, Jamus, I really need some help. I’ve got some stuff I need to hide for a few days…”
“Okay, um, firstly, no….secondly, get the hell out of my apartment.”
Carla swung her legs on the bed. Damn, she had great legs. It’s a shame she was a complete and utter bitch.
She knew I thought this. She also knew from the moment Cassandra introduced me to her as “my whore cousin, stay away from her” that I wondered what it would be like to have both of them.
I’m a bad, bad, man, folks. And not a role model of any kind. The More You Know.
“Aw, c’mon. I bet you don’t talk to Cassie like this.”
“Keep her out of this.”
Carla grinned, and slinked up to me, “Oohh, I got a rise out of Mr. Cool. Well, Cass isn’t here, baby. She’ll never find out what happened if we do anything….and I mean anything.”
I wish I could tell you all that I grabbed her arms, told her to get the hell out and if she came by again, i’d have Dick Tracy set the K-9 Corps on her.
I wish I could.
But I can’t.
To Be Continued
Loopina
December 17th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

#316: Actually, I also lived in Vermont for awhile. The difference between VT and NH is, VT is wider at the top, like a letter “V”. NH is upside down. It also has the most excellent motto: Live Free or Die.

The Chesapeake Bay Retriever is the state dog of Maryland. Pennsylvania’s state dog is the Great Dane. Wonder if that’s where Marmaduke lives?

The state beverage of Nebraska is Kool-Aid. Lame? Yes. But not as lame as Indiana’s: water.

I’m just full ‘o mnemonics and useless information. For instance, the bones of the forearm:
radius = “rist”; the radius is wider at the wrist.
ulna = “up” the ulna is wider at the, um, up end.
Loopina
December 17th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Also one of the useful things you learn in school – the state song of Maryland, namely “Maryland, My Maryland”. It’s sung to the tune of “O Tannenbaum”, and the only verse I remember goes:

Avenge the patriotic gore,
That flecked the streets of Baltimore,
And be the Battle Queen of Yore,
Maryland, my Maryland!
Niall
December 17th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

319 Dean Booth: SO WRONG and I laughed til I coughed and choked!! Bravo! Inspired!

Jamus: Excellent intro in 314. And 320… wonderful touches. Cass would indeed never touch something so commercial as Calvin Klein. Carla, on the other hand… this won’t be pretty. Dangit, I was hoping for a relatively happy ending to this fantasy sequence! Not an easy one, a happy you have to work for, but still…
Jamus The Bartender
December 17th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

323. No. No, it won’t.
I hope no one minds the double dose of “Goldberg’s” in honor of the Cassandra Cat/My Cage crossover. This one’s for you Ed and Bob.
Moon Mullins
December 17th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

268 SSB:
I actually have tears. Best belly laugh in a long time. Outstanding!!
Trotzenbonnie
December 17th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

What about the commonwealths, dammit?

You John Denver mockers have me on my last nerve! Just lay off Dan Fogelberg or I’ll have to get all Margo on you.

And, Santa, forget the Hello Kitty Barbie. For Christmas this year I want to be funny like the Brick.
Moon Mullins
December 17th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Re the argument with the nurses over how many states:

Most of those insisting there were 52 states said that 51 and 52 were Alaska and Hawaii. When I suggested “Hawaii Five-O” to them, there was round laughter and derision. “That’s a cop show!!”

There were votes for the state of Puerto Rico as well.

And one lady said with absolute certainty, “They made Washington DC a state a few years ago, and Jesse Jackson was the first governor.”
Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (formerly praepes)
December 17th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Since when does the Queen of Smug consult any “experts” other than herself?
Buck Ripsnort
December 17th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

Wonky Stinkerbean “Solo car date”? Look, I’ve tried that as a euphemism, an anagram, whatever, and I STILL don’t understand it. Before, she was only allowed to date if they took two cars? She wasn’t allowed to drive by herself? Dammit, WHAT!?
bees on pie
December 17th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

OK, Sunday’s A3G is stretching believability for me. Eric knows that Margo has a thing for him, they spend all kinds of time alone together in romantic, date-like settings, he proposes a toast to the “woman I love” (the not-Margo), and then he’s surprised that Margo thinks he’s talking about her? I find it really hard to believe that a guy who is supposedly smart and likeable could be that clueless and/or that much of an asshole.
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

Hey, what states can we combine?

Alabappi, for sure.
New Hont?
Rhodettiquette (who would notice?)
Witchigan!
Pennsylware.
Len
December 17th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

I asked you not to call me Shirley! Isn’t she the duck? I’m a DOG, not a duck. Sheesh, some humans…

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20071217&name=Mark_Trail
Daktari
December 17th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

I just received my holiday/seasonal gift to myself today from CafePress. The quality of the Gail Martin, Cassandra Cat and the Boat Wrestling tee-shirts are, of course, above average. Thank you Josh and all the ‘mudgeons for all the wit and talent that went into making these possible.
Will there be another re-issue of the MargoBoxcarSaturn tee-shirt or cup? I know it is late in the gift giving season, but if there is enough interest, maybe we can have another edition made before Mardi-Gras or St. Patrick’s Day.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Enjoy Festivus, Happy Saturnalia, and any others that I may have missed.
Enjoy the season and be good to each other.
Daktari
Moon Mullins
December 17th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Illinott
Wiscysour
New Hemline
Uncle Lumpy
December 17th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

Wintour
Mandelbrott
Buscaglia
indrifan
December 17th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

And as Josh works frantically on the COTW post (or not) the comments descend to dada. Spectacular Tristan Tzara-Brick begins to pull random panels from various pockets and reads them aloud.
But it all began with Pere Fooboo, when fistfights broke out as Grandpa Fooboo came onstage and his first word was “Boxcarr!”
HastyPenguin
December 17th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

Eric appears to be ending psychic waves to his overlord now that Margo is willing to bear his offspring. Note how, with the slightest turn of the head, he has become a walking satellite.
The Avocado Avenger
December 17th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

There’s naught wrong with Dadaism, lad!

COTW is up, by the way.
Max
December 17th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

212: In other words, the thought of his granddaughter succumbing to a frozen-in-time life with the asshat is what finally does ol’ Grandpa in? I love it!
Len
December 17th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

#151 (Uncle Lumpy) — Dennis in a red and white plaid suit jacket? Which of his parents should be castigated for bad taste?

And why specify the number of points on the Nativity star? Aren’t they more often portrayed with five points? Or is baby Jesus being alluded to as “King of the Jews?”
Tamex
December 18th, 2007 at 1:53 am [Reply]

Montakotasota
Washingho
Nebraskwa
bunny mcintosh
December 18th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Nothing says “success” like a man in a cobalt blue suit.
Shmork
December 18th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

re: MW — oh no oh no! It’s a little dog on a Flexi-lead! Honestly those are the worst if you have a dog with lead aggression (as I do)! Watch out Mary, the owner probably won’t be able to recall that little hellion!
Mollie
December 19th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

I can’t believe I’m posting in defense of Mary Worth, especially days after anybody stopped caring. But I do want to say, for what it’s worth, that her use of “your” is correct. (If she flipped the sentence around and said something like, “my bringing you to a new home and all,” it would have to be “my,” not “me.”) What makes it weird is that it’s a very rare example of a time when “you’re” would also be correct. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the signs of the apocalypse.
Pinokeyo's Wife
December 19th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

High time that Mary walked Chester–she’s lucky that a ruined scarf was all that she got in the deal.
Carly
December 21st, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

Maybe, Mary, and this is just a thought – the dog destroyed your scarf BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING DOG and that’s what they do.

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

Staircase of destiny

346 responses to “Staircase of destiny”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery