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Comics for kids (who want to learn about Stalinist show trials)

Slylock Fox, 6/11/12

“Hmm, yes, that is an interesting fact, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, about tadpoles not having legs. But did you know that adult amphibians, like Mr. Buford Bullfrog, breathe through their skin? Which means that they’d never smear ‘moisturizing’ gunk on themselves, because it would be a death sentence! So why would Mr. Bullfrog have stolen the moisturizer in the first place, hmm? It just doesn’t add up!” This is what Buford Bullfrog’s lawyer would say, if he had a lawyer, if defendants in Slylock-world were actually allowed decent representation. But no, they’re just dragged into court and forced to sit wide-eyed in terror as Slylock plays his little ratiocination games and everyone laughs. Then presumably comes the summary execution.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/11/12

Try as he might, Snuffy can’t break through the codes of sexual shame so prevalent in his community and tell his best friend that he was molested by a senator.

Mark Trail, 6/11/12

“Hmm, I just parted company with a bush pilot whom I openly accused of murder, though I’ve also made it clear that I’m the only one who knows about the evidence against him! Now a bush plane is flying low very close to me. I wonder what’s going on!” Thank goodness for Mark that our sporting killer only shoots people in the water.

Ziggy, 6/11/12

I have less of a problem with the mouse sitting on the pad than I do with the mouse sitting on the pad so … alluringly.

284 responses to “Comics for kids (who want to learn about Stalinist show trials)”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Nancy — They didn’t mention the brand of aluminum foil, but I’m guessing “Silver Sluggo” found 10 rolls of Ryan Reynolds Wrap® in the school dumpster. (After the “Green Lantern” movie debacle, Ryan’s name has become synonymous with STINKERS!)

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Buni — Eight EVILSCARYCLOWNS (and six of them are D-E-A-D!):

    http://www.gocomics.com/buni/2012/06/11

  3. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MW: So Wilbur starts with a little foreplay, taking it slow, “for a few weeks” he says, Keep teasing her, let the excitement take hold. When you finally tell her it will be for the whole summer, yes, that will send her into a meddlegasm.

  4. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Yes, it is true, tadpoles do not have legs! Of course, a FROG would know that more than anyone, having been born a tadpole himself, and not have made such an idiotic slip.

    I think it IS a case of mistaken identity. Not to be racist (or speciesist) but all frogs DO look pretty much the same.

  5. Ed Dravecky
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    After Baldo reads that cable movie guide, he’s going to dial-up Netcom to post on all his favorite Usenet newsgroups, enjoy a Crystal Pepsi, set his VCR to record Fish Police, and put a Perot/Stockdale ’92 sticker on his bumper.

  6. Liam
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    JP-James Cameron to direct? I figured since this is “Judge Parker” they would get Russ Meyer.

    MW-Wilbur is going to eat Mary’s muffin top.

  7. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: “Jeez, that’s kind of gross, what with the threat of hantavirus and all HOLY FUCK THAT MOUSE HAS THUMBS IT IS THE END OF DAYS.”

    RMMD: This strip has really picked up since Police Chief Armand Assante arrived and Mabel’s breasts deflated at the thought of being arrested.

  8. BwahaHA
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    It was here that I learned Stan Lee writes the newspaper Spiderman. That was a terrible, terrible shock. So I guess the old adage is true: storytelling ability is inversely proportional to the size of the prostate.

    Write now, young men.

  9. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MT: I don’t get it. They intend to fly low and close to Mark Trail on shore for what could be hours, instead of making a water landing and shooting him from a stationary position? They need to shoot him now, because if he reaches the forest, he becomes invulnerable with the power of thirty nine bobcats!

  10. geekwhisperer
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MT- Oh great. It’s N by NWTF.

    MW- I had a joke lined up, but I couldn’t get past “Mary’s Muffins.”

    SF- Can someone explain why the defendants keep screwing up their own biology? I can see myself on the stand in the Slylockverse being asked why I shoplifted a can of Axe Body Spray or whatever and presenting my alibi as something to do with the fact that I was on a hot rock in the middle of the stream molting from my nymph phase to an adult and then being called out for the fact that human beings are actually mammals, etc. etc. etc. As I get hauled off to the firing squad I’ll think, “Damm! I should have known that about myself?”

  11. Mibbitmaker
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids up, etc., etc.

    End of the school year, last week — why NOT have a blood drive?

    Tomorrow, it’s the Presidents’ Club’s turn (well, three of them)

    Wednesday, the PCKers’ turn.

    Today…… my turn! (blood work for doctor’s appointment)

  12. Chyron HR
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    SF – Buford never said his SON had the injured leg, did he? Huh? Huh? Got you there, Encyclopedia FAIL.

  13. Ed Dravecky
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Slim’s only been dead for a few minutes and already the cats of Gasoline Alley have moved in to feast on his rapidly cooling corpse. Watch out for snakes!

  14. pugfuggly
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    SF What seems really incredible about this situation to me is that only Slylock knew that fact. Out of the judge, the jury and every animal in the courtroom, no-one knew that frogs have tadpoles instead of baby frogs? No-one there was even casually friendly enough with a frog to knowhow they even reproduce? No wonder Buford has that terrified look on his face: even if his story held up, he’d probably still be found guilty by that ignorant, racist jury.

    MT Well, nothing adds some EXTRA excitement to a high-speed canoe chase than a PORTAGE! Elrod truly is the master of suspense….

    A3G “AAAAA!!! I CAN’T EVEN CONCEIVE OF YOU NOT BEING IN THE HOUSE!! NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE…AAaaaAAAAaaAAAaaAAA!”

    MW “I’m curious….What did you want to ask me? And why did you say I had to bake you half a dozen muffins before you’d tell me? And do you really think you should be taking in that much bran at once…?”

  15. Brook Esia
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m pretty impressed with Mark’s panel-1 spumage. He must be paddling at what, 10, 15 knots to get that kind of churn? I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, though — punch-master that he is, he probably visualizes beating beards with each paddle stroke.

  16. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    JP: Avery is full of shit. He’s a phony. Anyone with a little bit of real world experience could tell you that. When things look too good to be true, they probably are. To Sam, in his world of rich people shoving money at him, it’s par for the course. Naivity is bliss.

  17. Egg Grevans
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    9CL- There are days that Brooke redeems himself with the readers of comics. This is one of them.

  18. Oregonian
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: “So…” the mouse says with a coy smile, “Show me your ‘bird.’ I hear you call it ‘Josh.’”

  19. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Slylock is so fixated on petty theft and punching holes in flimsy alibis that he’s totally missing the fact that Buford has a nice, deep hole dug in his home where he keeps his victims. The fact that he murders them through skin suffocation and is obsessed with frog legs (mmm…delicious!) just adds an extra layer of creepy.

  20. S. Stout
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Skylock: It’s bad enough there’s no jail in this town, but Slylock has to spend the whole day in court over a 3.99 bottle of skin moisturizer.

    Luann: Luann with a useless theater degree and 200k in student loan debt would bring tears of joy to my eyes. Too bad Evans would have her win the lottery with a 400k prize.

  21. Mibbitmaker
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Ziggy (Josh’s comment): Thus Ziggy looking rather disturbed at the sight.

    SFx: Judge on loan from “The Trial of Mr. Wolf” (WB, MM, 1941).

    (BG&)SS: The shame is ~
    a) that such a thing happened to little Snuffy in the first place,
    and
    b) that it wasn’t done by a relative.
    (I plead Mr. Mike-ish bad taste, yer honor.)

    MT: And if you’ve ever made a portage, I guess we all know how painful THAT can be![/early Letterman]
    (now, there’s a retro late night TV reference I can make with a clear conscience!)

  22. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    I think Ziggy is trying to convey the essence of 1960′s casualness and cool in that “pad” used to mean “hang out”, or “residence” as a square might say. We also know it’s a ’60′s reference since talking mice are only brought to us either by Disney or hallucinogens.

  23. S. Stout
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @BwahaHA (#8):

    He just puts his name on it. He hasn’t done any writing since ’97.

  24. Dennis Jimenez
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    SFx – J’acuse, You, ‘cuse, we all ‘cuse for fox cooz….

    BG&SS – They’s all start with a handshake an’ end with a hand job…from their first cousin…in the corn crib…on the sabath….

    MT – Drat – the impregnable canoe hat, and he’s making postage, too – he must have one of those Stamps.com machines….

    Ziggy – An’ Zig sits there unphased, without pants….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  25. CanuckDownSouth
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    I’d like to believe that Luann‘s mom has heard of Julliard, knows how competitive it is, and is trying to get her daughter, who has acted in all of one school play, to be more realistic about places where she could have a prayer of getting accepted to study the performing arts. Like a scammy model/acting school. But instead this will probably be about Julliard costing too much.

  26. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    MT – This story is obviously taking place somewhere in the North by Northwest part of the state.

  27. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    A3G: Scott is not there! OMG! There is no way to reach him to find out where he is! If only science came up with a wireless device that could be carried around to service as a method of communication over distances! Nina sighs, and waits for the 20th century to happen.

  28. Holly Folly
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    You know, I am beginning to think that Mark Trails story is missing something. Like an explanation for his insanely good luck. He sails through life without so much as a backwards glance, always believing he is doing the right thing, never aware of the danger that is foiled time and time again on his behalf. Did he make a deal with a deity? Did he get the worst gene lamp of all time? Is there a demon who’s soul job it is to watch out for him? Or is it just the laziest writer of all time? Tune in next week for another round of them not explaining any of this.

  29. Stelth
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    John Rose of Snuffy Smith sure likes to draw tongues. He must be stopped.

  30. Downpuppy
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Snuffy is ready for the editorial page

    Wilbur’s muffin is bigger than the other 4 combined, but still tiny compared to Mary Worth’s giant head, which seems to be floating even when she’s attached to it.

    Ms Big Box has dropped 2 cup sizes. Rusty Avery continues his pathetic march to DOOOM.

    All quiet in Comicsland.

  31. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox once accused me of stealing some udder cream. I said that I was in a hurry back to my hive. My queen just gave birth to a few hundred pupa. Slylock hauled me to court, and told the jury that the larva is the first stage in development of insects, not the pupa. I was shamed, but not so much as to point out that they didn’t find any udder cream on me even after he had me strip searched.

  32. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark has placed himself in a seriously dangerous situation all right. Just LOOK at the total disregard he has for safe boating rules by not wearing a life jacket!

  33. RavenHawk
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Buford’s lawyer should demand a mistrial, considering that there are no bullfrogs on the jury.

    I’m just hoping that’s moisturizer, dripping off his leg.

  34. Chris B
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Just for the record, I don’t know that I have ever heard anyone say “Making a portage” – I believe the term the kids use these days is “Portaging”. But then, maybe that was not au courant in the 1950′s

  35. LUJBEM FEJF
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Foxy- It’s clearly a case of mistaken identity. It is Buford’s cousin Freddie the Frog who stole the moisturizer to provide his mistress, Henrietta the Hippo, the soft skin that all hippos aspire to have. But Buford is sticking to the Green code and not ratting Freddie out. Even if it means urinating in his frog pants in court.

  36. teenchy
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Buford better hope that’s not one of Pastis’ crocs on the jury.

  37. Chareth Cutestory
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: This is a mouse pad, isn’t it? Next to a desktop computer with an outmoded CRT monitor? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go think up some mobile device jokes to use in 10 years.

  38. pugfuggly
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#32):

    Mark cannot drown. He punched Poseidon during an undersea adventure many years ago and the Sea God promised him that his realm would never claim him.

    He is also immune to mosquito bites ever since he rescued the Midge Queen from the Dark Purple Martin, but that is a tale for another day….

  39. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Sly also failed to point out that amphibians don’t nurture their young. But then again, they don’t wear clothes and aren’t subject to District Attorney Slylock’s kangaroo court (although there are no actual kangaroos in attendance).

    But again he’s with that big, wide, “HELLO! LOOK AT MY CROTCH” pose in front of the jury. Wassup wit dat?

  40. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#26): N by NW. Very good!

  41. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#28): “…Mark Trail’s story is missing something. Like an explanation for his insanely good luck.”

    MT – Simple, Mark has always been very superstitious, just a bit confused about what humans usualy use as good luck charms to keep them from harm. This month Mark has decided to try carrying a used gum wrapper with him at all times. Let’s see how that works out for the fellow.

  42. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    love is… …being mutual figments of each other’s imagination.

    R=R – Pasquale is learning a hard lesson. Sometimes when you go squeal to your guardian angel, you end up being pelted with gigantic wigglers with tails who think you’re an egg.

  43. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#y149): That’s the “Disneyland Memorial Orgy” from The Realist, which is now easy enough to find online, especially compared to all the years when you couldn’t find it anywhere. I finally got a copy in the 90s when I saw a reference (in How to Read Donald Duck, maybe) to a book that included a small halftone photo of the piece, which I scanned and cleaned up. None of that labor is needed now.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#y150): But the Wood of 1962 still has some of them nailed. Rex Morgan’s confession of botched plastic surgery is still perfect.
    Some love for Gary Belkin, too, who wrote several of those giant two-page spreads that Wood illustrated to such perfection.

  44. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    JP: Yes, James Cameron, the director famous for huge scale sets, booms and crashes, special effects, CGI, action and stunning visuals will gladly direct the autobiography of a local judge, who spent most of the last 50 years watching his son and son’s partner have mild adventures that are usually resolved peacefully in a day or two.

  45. Just Bob
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    I’m not the only one who had to google “portage”, am I? At least I learned a new word today. Can’t wait to show off in front of my friends. Now I just need to find a boat and some water. And some friends. Sigh.

  46. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Dimwit the Menace

    “I like to drive my neighbor nuts! What do you like to do?”

    “I like to wear a skirt over my long pants — even though it’s redundant. And it makes going to the bathroom a real pain!”

    “We’re just a couple of losers, aren’t we?”

  47. Carly
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    I dunno, I kind of think that justice in the SF universe has to rely on embarrassment and peer pressure. Otherwise, how would Reeky Rat be committing crimes at the average rate of once per week? You never see Reeky Rat’s jailbreak – “all Reeky has is dental floss and a spoon. How can he escape?”

  48. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    TYPO ALERT in my comment #41! The word “usually” is usually spelled “usually”, not, “usualy”, which is unusual. But it’s usually not unusual for me to mispell, “usually” as, “usualy”. But I must now go and round up the usual subjects before having the usual.

  49. Chyron HR
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#44): Actually the book is about Sam. And who but James Cameron could tell the tale of an unrelenting, emotionless robot and the ordinary people it thoughtlessly destroys?

    (Or Ridley Scott could do it, I hear he’s looking for a script for Blade Runner 2.)

  50. anonomus
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#48):
    The word,”mispelled” is spelled mispelled, not mispelled as you misspelled it.

  51. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (Y#184):Gosh, doo-wop! I thought I accidently stumbled into PBS (TV network, not comic strip) pledge week.

  52. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Chris B (#34): Making a portage taste just right involves a lot of blowing. At least that’s the lesson I gleaned from “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”!

  53. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    R&R: *SNURK!* certainly not any new shoes.

    SBp: yeah, all those excess calories available to hunter-gatherers.

    rMC: yay, Squishy!

    man, snark is scarce on the ground today.

  54. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @anonomus (#50): “Mispelled”

    The word, “anonymous”, is spelled, anonymous, not, anonomus.

  55. Navel's Away Me Boys
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    PIBGORN aka DippyPorn: Pretentious Diatribe Alert… about… bellybuttons? GET A LIFE, Brooke!

  56. Doctor Handsome
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    I’m actually a little disappointed that the mouse in Ziggy isn’t rocking the classic Burt Reynolds pose, for maximum disturbingness.

  57. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    FW: I’ll tell you where it’s going…………..CANCER!!

    MW: “Buuut, my name isn’t Wendy, it’s Mary!”

  58. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @BwahaHA (#8): Does Stan Lee really write, or does he just lend his name so he can cash a check? After reading the strip for years, I have a hard time imagining that anyone actually writes it. The strip just sort of “happens”.

  59. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Stelth (#29): Snuffy Smith’s John Rose is really Gene Simmons from KISS,
    so whaddya expect?

  60. UncleJeff
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    JP: Join us tomorrow as Busty Big Box Store Clerk offers to play with Sam’s “tackle” in exchange for a meeting with the “guy in the movie industry.”

  61. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MT – More evidence that Jackelrod got this story from the movie North by Northwest is by the big letters, “WB”, written on the plane’s fuselage, which obvioulsy stand for Warner Brothers pictures. Of course this is regardless of the fact North by Northwest was produced by MGM. After all, this is Mark’s Trailverse we’re talking about here.

  62. Horace Broon
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Oh, my gosh! I’m trapped in an aternate universe where Scott never existed! It’s the only explanation!”

    ASM: In a universe where no-one ever suspected Captain America’s sidekick, Bucky, was James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, because he wore a domino mask, Clown-9 can’t even do that right.

    JP: They haven’t even reached the creek, and already Avery is spinning a line!

    Zits: “Give it some time, dude. The strip’s creators are from a different generation, so they believe that phone apps are intristically hilarious and that being gay means you have to wear a ridiculous hat.”

    (Oh, and Billy has a name! Zits 1 FW 0.)

  63. Doctor Handsome
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    The toupee-wearing dog seems to be the courtroom sketch artist, so what the hell is Max Mouse doing with all those blank sheets of paper? Does he think that if he pretends to be busy with documents, nobody will notice that he’s shirtless in court?

  64. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    S-M: All of those, uh, minutes of preparation…. dashed! Couldn’t C-9 have taken the extra nanosecond to use a voice modulator? Way to protect that secret identity, kiddo.

    Retail: True. I think the same applies to quesadilla makers.

    RwO: Also true.

    JP: Heyyyy… those boobs were at least a D cup on Sunday. Is this the female equivalent of being “sad in the pants” once she learned that Sam wasn’t in the movie business? Oh well, maybe they’ll perk up if Avery makes mention of the millions-a-dollaz that Sam stands to make from the project.

  65. Little Blue Bicycle
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: The lead story in the Hootin’ Holler Gazette that has Snuffy so upset is “Polls Show Lincoln leads McClellan; Taxes to Rise for War Spending.”

  66. sporknpork
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    “Wait, if you’re on the mouse pad, then what did I just stick up my ass?”

  67. debussy fields
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW–Wilbur is so predictable. Five muffins to choose from: four tiny ones and one of gigantic proportions. Pig!

  68. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

  69. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    SF: Thanks, Ted. You pre-snarked the strip for us so we don’t have to.

  70. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    I got to pet a pretty bulldog last night, but the floofy Malamute with her was awesome. Imagine Pudge, from OCD, as a 14 week old huskypup, and you have some idea what it looked like. *squee*

    yes, yes they are.

    brainmush for bb,u.

    wildcat puns.

    VW mind-boggler.

    “interesting” take on Mary Jane. (PG-13 art)

    intersqueeces.

    hugs & squeezes for Poteet.

    corgi yearbook pic.

  71. Hersteria
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    SF: I can’t stop staring at Buford’s leaky toe. Ew.

  72. Chip Whittle
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Bound and Gagged is written about three months ahead of publication, you say? It doesn’t show.

    Dennis the Menace: “I drive my neighbor Nuts! He knows this ensemble cries out for a tie and I take mine off after four p.m.!

    Hi and Lois: “I also don’t talk while I eat! Now let me get back up from the table, return the phone to the kitchen, hang up, and walk back to the table again to sit down so I can resume neglecting my family like I was before you called!”

    Are they eating Processed Food Blobs or stray outlines of their own hair?

    Mary Worth: “Mary…how would you like to be ‘Ask Wendy’ for a few weeks?” “! Would I even fit in your tent-like T-shirts and billowing pants?”

    Mary’s barely got her start as a columnist and she’s already standing at a dutch angle like she’s played by Frank Gorshin or something.

    Spider-Man: If this story ends with the disruption being so popular that Hardy Laurel is hired to interrupt the story the same way every performance, I’ll be so mad I’ll…I’ll…Well, I won’t throw a brick at Spider-Man, but I’ll sit back and sigh until he wanders somewhere near a place where bricks are and trust that sooner or later one of them will hit him. Oh God I’ve become what I hate!

  73. TheDiva
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MT: Oooh, it’s like that classic scene in North By Northwest, only with awkwardly placed clip art and nothing interesting actually happening.

    SFx: Poor Buford is a victim of his universe’s rigid caste system, in which species preordains profession. Owls, being “wise,” must become judges, “clever” foxes become detectives, etc. Slimy, scaly, and creepy creatures like reptiles, amphibians, and rodents are doomed to be ineffective petty criminals, caught in an endless cycle of committing minor crimes then condemning themselves with implausible alibis.

    9CL: Too little, too late.

    A3G: I’d suggest calling Scott on his cell phone, but I’m not entirely convinced this strip doesn’t take place in 1954.

    C’shaft: “Let it go, Keesterman! I’m so tired of you holding a grudge over my constant and willful property damage!”

    FW: Is Les going to be laughed at and humiliated? This is going somewhere great!

    Luann: Relax, Nancy. No way is Luann getting into Juliard. Hell, she’ll be lucky to make the cut at the “Lil’ Stars Dance School and Acting Academy” in the shopping mall.

    MW: Gracious hostess that she is, Mary makes Wilbur’s muffin twice as large as the others to accomodate his insatiable appetite.

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “Well, I say that demons have belly buttons, so NYEAH!”

    Pluggers are unaware that online catalogs don’t usually have page numbers.

    SM: “Well, now that you’ve proven you could identify me to the police, that makes you a target too….”

    Meanwhile, the house has emptied. Not even the promise of seeing an insane clown shoot a movie star was enough to prevent them from seeing if they could second-act Book of Mormon.

  74. Little Blue Bicycle
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    As Mary Worth once brilliantly said, “!”

  75. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur is not speaking to Mary, he’s addressing the Muffin.

  76. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    SM: Shoot the star? Why? The director fired you. Eh, this plot hole doesn’t even make the top ten. The top ten for this strip. For this story line. for this week. And it’s only Monday.

  77. Dennis Jimenez
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#66): That’s just plain silly – who ever heard of a gerbil pad….

  78. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary is shocked. She’s been the only one sending in all the questions to “Ask Wendy” and now she finds out she has to supply the answers, too. Maybe she’ll pawn off one or the other responsibility to Nola Wolveston.

  79. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#75): The muffin’s name happens to be “Mary” as well (Wilbur names all his food). That’s the reason for the perplexed “!” over Ms. Worth’s head.

  80. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#72): Bound & Gagged: One wing angels? What’s with the one with no wings? Frosty is going to hell? I could only hope as much.

  81. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#44):

    JP: Yes, James Cameron, the director famous for huge scale sets, booms and crashes, special effects, CGI, action and stunning visuals will gladly direct the autobiography of a local judge, who spent most of the last 50 years watching his son and son’s partner have mild adventures that are usually resolved peacefully in a day or two.

    Yes, but these mild adventures will be in 3D!

    // On an ocean liner, on another planet!

  82. Horace Broon
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#72): I think the marketing person is supposed to have called Hi’s cellphone, although this interpretation requires Hi to have a cellphone, and frankly, I’m amazed he’s got a cordless.

  83. Doctor Handsome
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Snuffy, bro, I share your disenchantment with the current state of electoral politics in America, but I can’t get on board with your apparent belief that saying a word three times constitutes a clever pun, no matter how much Lukey enjoys it.

  84. Gringo
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    MT: “He’s making a portage!”
    “Well, tell him to save a bowl for me!”

  85. Shrug
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Navel’s Away Me Boys (#55):

    KNIGHT LIFE is also about belly buttons today. Trending ?

    (You might think the joke was stolen, but it was just lint.)

  86. Pop Goes the Weasel
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    MT: “We’ll Get Him when he gets back in the water! But first we have
    to go get Gene Jackson’s rifle! Man, I could really use some gum
    right now!”

  87. Doctor Handsome
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Hersteria (#71): That signifies that Buford’s toe killed a guy in prison, I think.

  88. NotThatGuy
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail reminds me of the M. Night Shyamalan movie “The Village” (rated “God-awful” by a critic): Unbeknownst to Mark, Cherry has paid enormous sums to a security firm to provide “adventures” to Mark in the compound “Lost Forest.” This is why Mark thinks he is able to support four people and countless squirrels on the “income” he receives from Woods and Wildlife Magazine. And it explains why everyone in Mark Trail look similar: it’s the same five actors from the firm, trading wigs and facial hair.

  89. NotThatGuy
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Sadly for Buford Bullfrog, there’s a stork in the jury. Gulp!

  90. Doctor Handsome
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Mark’s race to impart information to the sheriff would be way less exciting if mobile phones had existed when the panels were drawn. Just think about that for a second: LESS exciting.

  91. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Ctrl+Alt+Del has a poignant, almost Flowers for Algernon vibe to it today. I’ve noticed over the years that Tim Buckley actually has writing chops, though he usually hides it in the overall goofiness of the strip.

    MT: The idea that Mike Harris’s float plane base is itself so remote you need to take a canoe, complete with overland portages, just to reach it, is a strikingly high level of ludicrous. You know, that’s why you *have* float/bush planes. So you can take one from someplace easy to reach, to get to the hard to reach places.

    ASM: Isn’t seeing through the villain’s lame disguise a violation of the Superhero Comics Bylaws? MJ’s gonna get fined.

    A3G: To recap our plot, Nina woke up this morning having suffered a micro-stroke (thus the feeling that everything was different). It caused odd changes in behavior (forgetting how to use a phone), emotions and personality (suddenly deciding that Scott macking on Margo wasn’t a big deal). Now the disorientation and the irrational panic attacks are hitting.

    FW: Summer, be sure to show Cayla all the pictures of Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Because that never gets old for Cayla.

    GT: This plot is annoying me almost too much to snark at it. But I’ll try. Parents not wanting their kids to associate with a teen mother is very nearly as dated as if the parents were members of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union.

    JP: James Cameron! In case you didn’t hear it yesterday. James Cameron!

    MW: “!” is the sound Mary makes when she cums. And those muffins are totally Freudian.

    RMMD: Unless they have enough evidence to actually arrest you for a crime, or probable cause/reasonable suspicion to detain you, the police can’t just take you in against your will to question you whenever they feel like it. Civil rights are awesome, right?

    SF: And wouldn’t Buford *know* that tadpoles don’t have legs? That wouldn’t be an obscure fact about your own species. It would be like a human saying he was rushing his kid to the hospital for a wing injury! “Hey kids, did you know that humans don’t have wings?

    Ziggy: Tell us, Josh, how long have you been erotically attracted to mice?

  92. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

  93. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @NotThatGuy (#89): Max Mouse better be careful. The Judge is an owl.

  94. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#16): That’s my take on it, too. But I have my doubts that someone in the Parker-Driver universe is not simply throwing money at them.

  95. mumbly_joe
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#10): The simple explanation is that whatever recombination doom-ray it was that turned the local wildlife into anthropomorphic humanimals jumbled up their biology so much that even they aren’t quite sure how everything works yet.

    That’s right: sorry for spoiling the ending, but the hellish dystopia of Shylock Fox, of vulpine-prosecuted show-trials and canine firing squads were is actually supposed to be our own future.

    You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

  96. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Chris B (#34): “Verbing nouns weirds language.” — Calvin

  97. Chip Whittle
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Rabbits Against Magic: “McVlad, the Crime Succubus”? Stop Writing Pibgorn, non-annoying strip!

    Red and Rover is set about forty years ago, so it’s still about fifteen years ahead of Apartment 3-G.

    Wee Pals is funny because… I guess George is the Chinese kid? And she never heard Goldilocks from any other source ever? Could someone check on Morrie Turner and make sure he’s okay?

  98. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MT – “We’ll get him when he gets back in the water!” Good thinking there, bush pilot Harris. Because you don’t have to be a bush pilot or VILLAINOUS widow to know how bullet-proof those old thin-hulled dryed-out wooden canoes become when turned upside down and held over ones head!

  99. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#81): To be fair, 3D is the only appropriate medium for the Parker-Driver women!

  100. giraffe-o
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MT: This is a glorious Monday for me. You have no idea how many years I’ve waited for someone to use the word ‘portage’ in a newspaper comic strip.
    ZIGGY : “Is this the infamous computer porn I’ve heard everyone talking about?”, Ziggy ponders.

  101. Baka Gaijin
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Get out your umbrellas and rain slickers! We’re about half a second away from Mary Worth’s most explosive meddlegasm ever.

  102. Jim North
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Scott?” the strange little girl in the kitchen slowly echoes back at Nina. “Scott doesn’t live here anymore. Why, Scott’s been dead for the past twenty years . . . “

  103. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MT: While the evidence linking Harris and Widow Chavez to Al’s murder is flimsy, the evidence linking them to Mark’s murder will be overwhelming.

    “Looks like he was shot from an airplane! Look at the angle of impact on the bullets in Trail and the canoe. Hey, doesn’t Mike Harris fly a plane? Wasn’t Trail asking around at the T Rading Post about Mike Harris’s gum that people chew when they’re trying to quit smoking? Don’t the ballistics match Mike Harris’s rifle? Wasn’t he found on the most obvious canoe route back from Mike Harris’s place?”

    “Nah. That makes no sense. Everyone knows Gene Jackson murdered Al Chavez. Why would Mike Harris do something like this? Find out of Trish knows how to fly a plane!”

  104. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#99): I can see the theater. Every time one of the women turns toward the camera the entire audience involuntarily shifts backwards.

  105. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    SLYLOCK — I think Buford may already be dead. When you breathe through your skin, wearing clothes isn’t a great idea.

  106. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Chris B (#34): Thank you. I had missed that. There’s always so much weirdness in MT that it takes all of us working together to point it all out.

    I could help with this particular murder, given my relationship with small planes, by raining vomit on the victim.

  107. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): Ewww. Death by chunks.

  108. Mcbain
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    SFx: What really irks me is that Buford Bullfrog is still a more menacing villain than Clown-9.

  109. debussy fields
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#103): “And what’s this next to Mark’s corpse? A gum wrapper! An anti-nicotine gum wrapper! Let’s take it to the T rading Post and see if they can identify who might have bought this kind of gum!”

  110. seismic-2
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: “This strip is the Hell of my own creation, and you Beefwits are just damned to be readers in it!”

    Luann: I want to read Luann’s application form for Julliard, especially the essay she writes to try to qualify for the Brooke McEldowney scholarship.

    JP: Actually, I sort of like the idea of James Cameron’s directing Alan Parker’s epic My Most Memorable Probate Filings, Part 1 (1963 – 1967), espcially if its $850M budget keeps the studio from exercising their option on Lisa’s Story.

    MW: Wilbur had better not gobble down all those bran muffins that Mary has prepared. Things will get unpleasant, when he makes a portage.

  111. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#96): Yes, but “portage” has been used as a transitive verb since at least 1835 according the MW 11th Coll..

    // Though, obviously I did look it up, so it did sound a little odd to me, too.

  112. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    SFx: As the upright-walking fox with opposable thumbs explained…

    Ziggy: “What are you going to do? Arrest me for smoking?”

    FW: Ah, a look back at the days when the stupid bowl cut was Les’ most annoying trait. Now it wouldn’t even be in the top twenty.

    C-Shaft: Which is a federal offense, so someone is lucky it was never reported. I hope Keesterman never pays for his own breakfast again.

    Popeye: Yeah well, if there’s one thing Wimpy is an expert on it’s being corruptible.

    BC: Johnny did this joke back in the early days, only it was about the invention of the door. I’ve tried in vain to Google the original, but the results only point me to that regrettable outhouse (i)SLAM cartoon.

    BSt: The reason he lost points was that the figurines were made out of bits of their hair and nails.

    RMMD: “Look after Foster. If he starts moving and begging for blood in a dry, raspy voice, keep him out of direct sunlight.”

    Drabble: Don’t call your wife “Mom.” It hurts my soul.

    DT: Seeing the color version of the strip on the Arizona Republic website, I come to an appreciation of Sam’s Christmasy fashion sense.

    GT: “Have you thought about our meeting?”
    “I’ve done all the thinking I need.”
    “Good. Let’s get our scimitars ready.”

    Phantom: “Sí, my refrigerator is running. Why do you ask?”

    PBS: Of course the question of who gave her hair in the first place goes unanswered.

    FC: Oh, that happens to all boys sometimes.

    Momma: Her material isn’t really suitable in general, but scheduling can’t fix that.

    S-M: Now that she’s identified Laurel, MJ actually is a target now, under the “no witnesses” rule. Guess she felt left out.

    M-Dawg: UNSPEAKABLE FILTH!

    S4th: Yup.

    A3G: “His clothes are still in the closet. My goodness! Scott’s been raptured.”

  113. Liam
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-The frog is innocent he was framed by the Crocs from Pearls Before Swine.

  114. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#109): I think you’ve hit upon one of the reasons they don’t want to shoot Mark when he is “portaging”. Not only does he have a better opportunity to hide behind a tree or something while on land, and could possibly locate a petrified stick to throw at the plane causing it to crash (an old trick of Mark’s), but the murderers want to retrieve that tell-tale wrapper from the type of gum that people chew when they want to quit smoking.

  115. Bill Peschel
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Wait, Wilbur is asking Mary for a favor after arranging for a leave of absence? That’s like advising a guy to put on a condom after sex. That explains why only one newspaper is running ‘Ask Wendy.”

  116. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Ask Wendy? Oy vey!

  117. geekwhisperer
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    MT- I always called it “portaging”, and it usually involved carrying a bulky set of objects along a narrow track with lots of groaning. So, yeah, I can see “make a portage.”

  118. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#111): 1835? Bah, verily, I did in truth cease evolving mine use of language in the days of His Royal Majestry, King James!

  119. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#117): I quit following PIBGORN because every time I read it, I ended up having to make a portage.

  120. Señor Tortilla
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Zits: Believe it or not, Billy has appeared before (2006? 2007?), long before FW tried to pull anything.

    FW: Retcon incoming in 3, 2, 1…

    S-M: “No, please!” begs Vincent as Clown-9 brings his gun closer. “I…don’t…want…to…die!” he cries. However, instead of an unexpected death ray, Vincent receives a shot of seltzer water.

  121. commodorejohn
    June 11th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G – What is this, It’s a Wonderful Everyone Else’s Life?

    DT – What we need in this country, argues Dick Tracy, is criminal-finance reform!

    FW – To the contrary, this is going everywhere good. Humiliating Les is the sole redeeming feature of Funky Winkerbean.

    JP – “And, uh, hi, Sophie. Your fabulously wealthy adoptive mother and I are going to have a talk with you about taking peasant jobs when you get home, so you may want to seek legal counsel in advance.”

    Luann – Are you kidding? If 9 Chickweed Lane has taught me anything, it’s that Juilliard is perfect for petty, self-centered hacks who think they’re Great Artists!

    MW – The ! has nothing to do with the conversation; Mary had sampled one of the mega-bran muffins before, and it kicked in just as she bent over.

    Popeye – Wait, I thought Olive was the whore in this strip?

    SF – Whatever this is, it’s going to be awesome.

    SM – “Wow! And here I thought Peter’s attempts to preserve a secret identity were terrible! Hey, honey, get a load of this! …Peter, you’re not taking your clothes off under the seats again, are you? We’ve talked about this, dear.

    Ziggy – …if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to go look for a similar image on FurAffinity, it’ll probably be healthier than seeing it in Ziggy.

  122. Baka Gaijin
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    NOTE TO queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando: As you’re trolling for cuteness, this is squee for me. Thanks @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2).

  123. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#97): [Wee Pals] I did a Goldilocks joke earlier today (#52) — only without the chicken fried rice.

    Nobody laughed at my joke either.

  124. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

  125. Baka Gaijin
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

  126. Government Cheese
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Ask Wendy” really is a column subsidized by the Wendy’s Corporation in which Wilbur answers questions regarding their products. Wilbur’s main talent (and source of income) is making any fast food seem irresistibly appealing in print format. He made his mark back in the 1980s by coining the phrase “Where’s the beef?”

  127. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#91): A3G: When can we expect the hilarious effects of aphasia? We’ll know for certain when she sees Scott and says “SATURN! You BOXCAR! You cheated on me with MARGO!!”

  128. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#70): VW mind-boggler: “Here ve see ze life und deaths struggle zat takes place between two Volkswagen minibuses in ze vilds of Bavaria…”

  129. S. Stout
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#73):

    You forget this is Luann, in which logic doesn’t exist. Not only will she get in with a full ride scholarship, Tiffany will too (she’ll have to pay of course). Luann will be at the top of the class, always beating Tiffany at everything for 20 years or so.

  130. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#121): If Sophie took a position as a checkout girl in the big box sporting goods store (they’re not going to say “DICKS” in the comics), they’d be so impressed with her scanning ability that she’d be promoted to supervisor by lunch. She’d be management by the next working day, and an executive with backdated stock options by mid week. On Friday, as CEO, she would leverage a buyout of Wal-Mart, Target and CostCo. The fact that it creates a monopoly in several markets would be overlooked by the FTC and little Sophie Driver would own half the planet in a month. Yeah, let her stick to guitar lessons. Sweeping the Grammy awards in every major and minor category (including Latino Jazz, comedy and spoken recording) is less harmful to world affairs.

  131. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#126): “Where’s the beef?” started with a game Wilbur played with himself. He’d ask the question, “Where’s the beef?” and then he’d jump in front of a full length mirror and proclaim, “Oh, there’s the beef!” He would then jump away from the mirror, ask the question again, then jump back in front of the mirror and make the proclaimation again. He would do this for hours. Wilbur is easily amused.

  132. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#126): Wilbur came up with that phrase because everyone around him was always asking “Who beefed?”

  133. seismic-2
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#132): “Who made a portage?”

  134. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Ok, yes. Back in November, 2003, Mark was in the desert being shot at from a small plane. Thinking quickly, he grabbed a petrified cactus stick and threw it in the sky, luckily, as he says, taking out the propeller. Mike and Mrs. Chavez had better watch out.

    // I wonder if Elrod will just paste river/canoe scenery over the original desert scenery? Or maybe there is an even older story, taking place on the river, that Elrod had cannibalized for the 2003 desert story? Then he can just use the original original.

  135. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mike Harris, Bush Pilot lives on a remote island only accessible by canoe with overland portage. His web site suggests, though, the best way to get there is to hire a local air service with water landing capabilities. The service visits several of the notable fishing camps in the Southern Part Of The State.

  136. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

  137. Government Cheese
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#131): I just spat out my Starbucks latte reading your comment. That is so plausible, and it explains why Dawn is messed up emotionally as well – she must have accidentally walked in on him in the act of “finding the beef”.

  138. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#44):
    I’ve heard he can also be very difficult to work with-the young actor who played Leo/Jack’s buddy in Titanic (the one who got squashed by one of the falling stacks) said James was always yelling and screaming at people. He’s quite the perfectionist, methinks.

  139. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe no one else on this rather erudite blog knew what a portage was. I knew. I canoe. Can you?

  140. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#70): Wow. Never saw a snake that color around here!

  141. Government Cheese
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#132): Hahahaah – all I know is that I can totally see him working for Wendy’s.

  142. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#134):
    So Mark is a murderer too?

    MW – Wilbur looks positively giddy overy those muffins. I hope Mary didn’t overload them with bran this time, or he’ll never make it to the airport.

    RM – this is the wackiest wake/viewing I’ve ever heard of since Kilty Larkin’s death party in the book “Trinity.”

  143. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#116): Is it just me, or does the “Appreciate this piece” guy at the link have a freakish, rubbery thumb?

  144. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#138): When you’re in charge of a $500 million enterprise, you’d better turn out some high quality shit. At $3 million per on-screen minute, every pixel of every frame costs money. If the movie flopped or looked sloppy, the cameraman wouldn’t have his head on the block, nor the key grip or best boy or the caterer. I give tough directors a pass if they put out something that looks good.

  145. geekwhisperer
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    MTmore- Does Mark suffer from some kind of anterograde amnesia? He just left the house of a guy who he has accused of murder and this guy owns a plane. Mark paddled right up next to this plane when he approached the dock. The plane has distinctive markings. Yet Mark says in panel 1: “That plane sure is flying low! I wonder what’s going on!”

    Mark suffering from some kind of debilitating mental condition would explain a lot of what’s going on here.

  146. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#139): I’m sure some of us knew. I used to canoe. The herons were blue. The buntings were too. It was beautiful, ooh. But I missed the loo.

  147. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#62):
    Re: Zits – this is an interesting take on coming out as a teen. Funny, a little off the grid, but compassionate.
    So we have Lawrence, the unnamed prom couple, and Billy. Foob and Zits for the win IMO.

    Serious question-have Alison Bechdel and Lynn Johnston ever met/talked about their work before, and the shitstorms they caused in the minds of the less tolerant? I’d love to hear both of them on a discussion panel.

  148. Islamorada Girl
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    MT: He’s making a portage! If I give him the wool, will he make me one?
    (Rim shot). Thank you.

  149. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#110): If he puts on 100 odd pounds of muscle, Quinn can be Seth to Luann’s Edda.

  150. debussy fields
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    MW–Wilbur can’t resist showing off his food-juggling skills. Between panel 1 and panel 2 he obviously tossed the muffin into the air and caught it again with an entirely different grasp. For every question Mary asks, he’ll do a different trick before answering. Just one of his many talents.

  151. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#144):
    Agreed.
    I used to have a friend/boss who was a Navy Seal during Vietnam, and he was tough in the office, a real perfectionist, but he never yelled AT us or berated us, he sometimes yelled ABOUT things and getting it right.
    When you are in a biz where you are teaching people how to use very expensive equipment in potentially dangerous preventive maintenance environments, you have to get it right, and I understand.
    I haven’t seen Avatar, but I thought Titanic was brilliant. And I’m glad James grew his beard back. : )

  152. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#142): No, he actually rescued the guys who were trying to kill him from the crashed airplane. Tho, it would certainly have been self defense had they not survived?

  153. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    ZIGGY — I’m sorry, but there’s no way around it. That is one butt-ugly mouse.

  154. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Now, if Buford is indeed a bullfrog, he’s going to have legless tadpoles, but some frogs skip the tadpole stage. I swear, Slylock Fox gives Mark Trail a run for his money in incomplete wildlife factz.

  155. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#105): Of course! That must be why Kermit always just accessorizes with the collar.

  156. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Scary Gary — I missed the “a” and read Gary’s dialogue as: “I need to see the RAPIST.” That’s even more shocking than Leopold smacking Gary in the face.

  157. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#38):
    I would like to see an epic battle between Mark and Sea Hag.

  158. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#143): Yeah, that “Thumb of Gum” is as freaky as those flipper hands in Dennis the Menace.

  159. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#153): It depends at whose butt one is looking.

  160. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Olive Oyl’s website is now open for business:

    http://oliveoylloves.com/

  161. Alter Ego
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    love is… cybersex.

  162. The Ridger
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#96): “Verbing Weirds Language only if you’re expecting it to work in a simple way. This is a special case of the more general truth that Language Weirds.” – John Lawler, PhD Linguistics

  163. The Ridger
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#162): Though I’m sure Elrod does indeed expect language, like Mark himself, to work in a simple way.

  164. Spieguh
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    MT: That is the whitest float plane I’ve ever seen. Even its ID is white. Mark is being chased by the Great White (de Havilland) Beaver!

  165. seismic-2
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#163): Mark Trail weirds the comics page.

  166. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#145): “Does Mark suffer from some kind of anterograde amnesia?…some kind of debilitating mental condition would explain a lot of what’s going on here…”

    Though Mark Trail is suspected of not having a human brain, or even being part of the human race, the strip’s history shows he has always had some sort of debilitating mental conditon. The most recent blow to Mark’s supposed mental state was when he slammed his head against the metal hull of a motorboat after Kellywelly forgot to untie the boat from the dock. That was followed by Mark being shot in the head and drifting at sea for a few weeks without any medical help. Now, with any luck, maybe the fright of having a float plane buzz him a few more times will make something snap back into place in Mark’s head and he will be cured. The real test will come from Mark’s reaction the next time someone mentions the word, “PANCAKES”.
    …The day Mark says he would rather go fishing with Rusty than eat pancakes, this strip is doomed!

  167. Peanut Gallery
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    RwO – And soon, it will be impossible to hang up on anyone at all, because we will all be permanently on the phone to everyone, everywhere, at all times, whether we like it or not…

    SFx – Now that we’ve seen Slylock in this pose a second time (but, kudos to Weber, not just a copy of the same artwork), I finally figured out what it reminds me of: Terry Gilliam’s animation of Hamlet (there’s a screenshot & clip here, animation starting at 1:10).

  168. TheDiva
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#129): True, I forgot that this is a world where Luann playing the lead in her high school production of West Side Story is a bigger accomplishment than Tiffany working on a major motion picture.

  169. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s Ziggy, today!:

    Ziggy is looking in his refrigerator, and finds Bugs Bunny taking a nap.
    Ziggy: “What are you doing in my refrigerator?”
    Bugs: “It’s a Westinghouse, isn’t it?”
    Ziggy: “Yes.”
    Bugs: “Well, I’m westing!”

    1950s Comedy Gold!

  170. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    MW – I think you misheard me, Mary. I wasn’t asking you to bake for me in return for favors. I was saying that Dawn’s problems turned out to only be a McGuffin to get you to take over the column. Life is brutal!

    Where are you going? I didn’t say I didn’t want them! Leave the muffins. Take the column.

  171. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chris B (#34):
    Portage is an interesting word, which feels comfortable to me in regard to utilization as a noun or verb.
    (My first, and difficult, portage was during my orientation in 1977 at The White Mountain School in NH-I love canoeing but can’t stand the schlepping)

  172. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    So does this mean that Slylock Fox’s cohort are the ancestors of the My Cage crew? O.o

  173. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @mumbly_joe (#95): That was meant for mumbly_joe.

  174. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#146): I’ve been known to portage, when there was a shortage, carrying my canoe…

  175. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    MT -The most famous portage in American history would be Benedict Arnold’s expedition’s failed invasion of Canada via Maine in mid-winter of 1775-6. They dragged and paddled their bateaux across miles of desolate, frozen wilderness, at one point resorting to boiling and eating their shoes to survive.

  176. tallyHO
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Ziggy

    Yes, the mouse’s mouth says one thing but his pose says “CLICK ME!”

  177. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#163): “…I’m sure Elrod does indeed expect language, like Mark himself, to work in a simple way.” @Chris B (#34): “I don’t know that I have ever heard anybody say, “making a portage” – I believe the term the kids use these days is, “portaging”.

    Ask Elrod if he is, “making a poopy”, or if he is, “pooping”. Maybe then we will know what the hell he means.

  178. Chance
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    I know Mark Trail always phones it in, plot-wise, but for this particular “Mark’s friend is accused of murder” storyline it seems like Elrod’s assistant’s kid is faxing it in.

    “What’s a plot hole, mom?” “Never you mind. Just figure out how Mark gets away.” “Uh… The killer doesn’t like shooting people through canoes?” “Yeah, that sounds good. Go type it up and fax it to Mr. Elrod.”

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#166): The real test will come from Mark’s reaction the next time someone mentions the word, “PANCAKES”.

    PANCAKES! Slowly I turned. Step by step. Inch by inch…

  180. Liam
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-Then once they have their hand in your pocket they want to jerk you around.

    MT-Boy that Mark Trail sure is clever. There is no way you will be able to tell that he is hiding under the over turned canoe.

  181. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#166): “PANCAKES!” is Mark’s safe word.

    I don’t want to think about it.

  182. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179):

    That being the case, can you imagine the punching that would insue if Mark heard both the words, “PANCAKES”, and, “NIAGARA FALLS, shouted at him in the same sentence?

  183. Liam
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-Judging by the all blue background Mrs. Love Is is in Apartment 3G.

  184. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    MT: He’s making a portage! Now he’s under his bullet-proof canoe! Now he’s invoking some ceremonial chant that will bring forth an army of 80ft ducks to his rescue! Abort! Abort!

    And I managed to say that without mentioning Angry Birds.

    Damn, I just did!

  185. Dale
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#146):

    You missed the loo or you missed having a loo?
    It will make a difference in your treatment protocol.

  186. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    MT: I was going to say that Mark was a manly man who knew how to get the canoe over his head in one easy flip, but then I realized that he outpaddled an airplane across a lake. I bet you could water ski behind his canoe.

    Slylock Fox: Another note: The owl judge is looking down and to his left at the frog. However, owls can’t turn their eyeballs. The eyes are large and the skull is small. There’s no room to turn. They turn their necks as they look straight ahead.

    It is odd, actually, that everyone else in the courtroom but Max is staring straight ahead, glassy eyed. Max must have been given immunity to Sly’s hypnotic speech. “Look into my eyes…. Yes… Baby frogs don’t have legsss…. guilty… guilty… ” Even Frog is in on it, pleading guilty to an offense he’d never commit with no real evidence to back it up.

  187. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Look at that pose. Is Slylock about to break out in a song and dance?

  188. Red Greenback
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Never in Mark’s wildest dreams of delicious pancakes did he ever imagine that his Boat Wrestling Scholarship would end up saving his life.

  189. Liam
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-In a world of anthropomorphized animals how do you we know what is normal for these animals.

  190. Yahtzee
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    I have to call foul on the idea that Snuffy Smith is keeping silent about his molestation by politicians because of Hootin’ Holler’s “codes of sexual shame.” By now it has been definitely proved that Hootin Holler, and everyone within it, has no sense of shame whatsoever.

  191. Shrug
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179):

    “PANCAKES! Slowly I turned. Step by step. Inch by inch…”

    I presume you turned syruptitiously?

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#182): Oddly enough, that is the KOKOMOKO river that Mark is traveling on.

  193. Shrug
    June 11th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#187):

    “Anything goes in,
    anything goes out!
    Fish, bananas, old pyjamas,
    mutton, beef and trout!”

  194. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#188):

    Sadly, Mark attended LFU on a Full-Boat Wrestling scholarship. He is not properly trained in Canoe Wrestling, as it uses different moves.

  195. KreatureFeatures
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Jack Elrod must be losing it. There was a perfectly good image of Mark Trail portaging a couple years ago. Why make the effort to come up with a new variation, instead of cutting and pasting?

  196. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#193): If Slylock Fox is actually a Monty Python skit, that would explain everything.

  197. greghousesgf
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#187): I think he’s about to pinch a loaf.

  198. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#195): Maybe that giant squirrel got into Elrod’s clip file again, and gnawed the portaging image to shreds. (You should see the nest it made last year out of Rusty’s old headshots!)

  199. This Guy
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark is being shot at from a light plane? Jackelrod must’ve given that guest writing spot to the ghost of Coleman Francis.

    // And MST3K taught me about portaging, too.

    R&R: I really must object. There can’t be a new area rug in Apartment 3-G unless Bolle decides to acknowledge the existence of floors, and that’ll be a cold day in Hell.

  200. geekwhisperer
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    I used to be an Outward Bound Instructor, back in the day. Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances with a group of troubled youths I wound up on the Mud Pond Portage at night in the rain, just as Thoreau had. Seizing the opportunity to drop a little literary education on my charges I broke out my trusty copy of “The Maine Woods” and read the passage of Henry David getting stuck in exactly the same spot more than a century earlier. After my reading by flashlight a kid, up to his knees in mud and furious as hell said:

    “You mean a guy made this mistake a hundred years ago, wrote it down in a book, you read it and then made the same stupid mistake with us?”

    You have to admit, the kid had a point.

  201. Liam
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    MT-Damnit. If only we had something we could fire from the plane that would go through the canoe like a small piece of metal traveling at fast speeds fired from some type of tube.

  202. This Guy
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#193): “Stand up! Sit down! Go moo! Now, on with the pixie hats! And order in the skating vicar!”

  203. Charly
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    “Just live your lives to the fullest without having Spider-Man in them.” – my 7th-grade student

  204. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Charly (#203):
    Now that is a classic quote. I love the astuteness of children. : )

  205. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Charly (#203): COTW!

    You know, one could substitute quite a few other names in for Spider-Man.

  206. Liam
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    MT-”That plane sure is flying low. I wonder what’s going on!” September 11th, 2001 finally reaches Mark Trail’s world.

  207. Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    S-M: With his secret identity revealed, things are looking bad for Clown-9. Time to bring in the rest of the League of Numbered Performers: Nikki-6, Sheila-2.71828, and – surprise – 0-Mostel! (Who knew he was a robot?)

  208. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#185): Missed having the loo. Yeah, I’m a wuss.

  209. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#200):
    Again, props to youth and “young thinking.”

  210. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

  211. Shrug
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#207):

    “Are you Juan?”

    “Si — are you one, too?”

  212. Shrug
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#207):

    Or C-3PO and his only slightly less buggy upgrade, C-3.1PO . . .

  213. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#207):

    Don’t forget Simple Simon, the Pi Man. I understand that no matter how far out you go, he is still irrational.

  214. Calico
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Recently my gf’s daughter and her bf and their 2 boys went to Granby Zoo, where they were treated to 2 Macaques (sp?) doing the nasty in their cage in front of a crowd of onlookers.
    The youngest boy watched and then pronounced “Regarde maman, on dirait qu’ils font un spectacle!”
    Everyone around was quite amused.

  215. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#207) said: “S-M: With his secret identity revealed, things are looking bad for Clown-9. Time to bring in the rest of the League of Numbered Performers: Nikki-6, Sheila-2.71828, and – surprise – 0-Mostel! (Who knew he was a robot?)”

    Hey, what about 7 of 9? Hubba-hubba!

  216. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#207): And let’s not forget Gary Seven. Maybe he could do something about Clown 9 and Spider-Man.

  217. AndyL
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    That reminds me of the last time I was on a witness stand. I told the court that on the night of the murder I was taking my daughter to the hospital because of a serious infection in her gills. Unfortunately, the prosecutor was a world renowned detective who was able to spot the hole in my alibi and inform the jury that human children don’t have gills.

  218. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#207): and Jenny 8675309!

  219. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#217): Human children may not have gills but you’d think so with all the water that passes through them.

  220. Hogenmogen
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#194): Flipping a canoe takes either a great deal of skill or a great deal of brute force. 15 years ago I went canoeing with a group. The rather small guide flipped the canoes up like it was nothing. At the time, I was into weight lifting, and I had a new girlfriend to impress. No skill, but I heaved until I got the damn thing on my shoulders.

    Mark is either adept at canoe wrestling, or he has the strength of 39 mountain lions.

  221. Walker of Dog
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#Y174):

    If “making a portage” was slang for going to the bathroom under a canoe, this comic might actually be accurate.

    At first I thought, “How resourceful – Mark is using the weight of the canoe to help him bear down.” Then I realized that this is Mark Trail’s latest green invention – the PortaPortage!

    Step 1 – flip canoe over head and carry overland between navigable bodies of water
    Step 2 – perform your filthy business in the designated seating area
    Step 3 – do NOT repeat Step 1

    The PortaPortage: take only pictures, leave only footprints, and maybe wear a bandanna or something over your nose and mouth!

  222. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#109):

    “And what’s this next to Mark’s corpse? A gum wrapper! An anti-nicotine gum wrapper! Let’s take it to the T rading Post and see if they can identify who might have bought this kind of gum!”

    “And what’s this next to Mark’s corpse? A gum wrapper! An anti-nicotine That gum that you chew if you’re trying to quit smoking gum wrapper! Let’s take it to the T rading Post and see if they can identify who might have bought this kind of gum!”

    Fixed that for you!

  223. Sequitur
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#221): PortaPortage™! Don’t leave home without it.

  224. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#171): MT “Portage is an interesting word.”

    I’ve canoed rivers in the SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE, and my Son, who is an Eagle Scout, has paddled canoes hundreds of miles around THE NORTHERN PART OF THE STATE”, (state of Maine, that is). As far as I know, we’ve always used the word, “portage” for lack of any other word we know that means, “drag that wet, heavy canoe with all the wet, heavy gear, out of the river, put the canoe on my back, (which is usually already loaded down with a full backpack), and almost have a heart attack while carrying the retched thing along overgrown trails while navigating our way through tons of mosquitoes to get to where we are supposed to put in at, which is sometimes too shallow or otherwise inaccessible to put in at, so then we have to go further along the mosquito and black fly and moose fly infested riverbed to find a better place to put in at without getting Lime disease of West Nile virus!”
    And, NO, we didn’t eat any lousy PANCAKES! (Lots of mighty tasty foil dinners though!)
    As much fun and high adventuring we experienced for all those years, at my present age just thinking about it tires me out. After more than twenty years of hiking, camping and canoeing along with being a Scoutmaster, (now retired), now-a-days my high adventure consists of just staying IN MY AREA OF THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE while driving my Corvette on weekends. My son, on the other hand, still hikes the White Mountians so often and canoes even to islands off shore, would make Mark Trail look like some pampered city boy who never got to go fishing. Sort of like….RUSTY!

  225. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#217): I suppose you were in serious trouble for fibbing under oath.

  226. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#222):

    “And what’s this next to Mark’s corpse? A gum wrapper! That gum that you chew if you’re people chew when they are trying to quit smoking gum wrapper! Let’s take it to the T rading Post and see if they can identify who might have bought this kind of gum!”

    There, fixed that for me!

  227. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#215): Hey, what about 7 of 9? Hubba-hubba!

    Not to mention “Six LeMeure” — Jenna von Oÿ — from Blossom:

    http://a57.foxnews.com/global.fncstatic.com/static/managed/img/2010/10/25/660/371/101025JennavonOy1.jpg

    Oy, indeed!

  228. Mumbly Joe
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#172): Not sure, but I had definitely assumed that they were the distant descendants of the bears/dogs/geese/houses/crotches of Mark Trail, who had just recently developed the capacity for human speech, but had yet to evolve into some sort of anthro form yet.

    And dear god, let’s just not speculate as to the evolutionary lineage that might have produced Pluggers. Seriously, I’m a little depressed just thinking about it.

  229. AhClem
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    MW – Take a closer look at those objects on Mary’s tray. They aren’t muffins. What they are are stewed … well, let’s just say that there are several Charterstone men who are really, REALLY sorry they ever criticized Mary’s salmon squares.

  230. Cloudbuster
    June 11th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#200): I did. And I am still resolved to punish you for that mistake!

  231. Illustrator Steve
    June 11th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#220): “…flipping a canoe takes either a a great deal of skill or a greatdeal of brute force.”

    The first canoe I owned was so damn heavy it was all two people could do to just lift the thing. No way was I ever going to use that canoe again if portaging was expected, (although, they do have wheel kits attachable for portaging). The 17 foot long Old Town and Gazelle canoes we own aren’t bad to lift over your head, sort of light weight actually, but it’s still easier if two people turn a canoe upside down. Now that I’m older the only place I usually carry canoes these days is from where we store them behind our barn to where my Son’s SUV is parked in the driveway. There I help lift them up on the canoe rack and wave goodbye as I wish my Son and his friends a safe journey while they are away canoeing, camping and hiking. Of course, guess who usually gets stuck hosing down and storing the dirty canoes back behind the barn after they get back and are dropped off on my lawn? The old retired guy, me, which I don’t mind doing. (No, you don’t need to live in Lost Forest to use a canoe, but there are those who would think some of my outlaws, (I mean inlaws), live deep in the woods somewhere! Ever seen the show “Swamp People”? Yup, that’s just like some of my outlaw inlaws all right!)

  232. odinthor
    June 11th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#214):

    Everyone around was quite amused.

    Moi aussi! Merci.

  233. Austria
    June 11th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is this the Torture Les-a-thon? Is he trying to cater to us?

    Zits: Noting the topic of homosexuality without being preachy on either side? A technology joke that’s topical and actually somewhat funny? Well done, Zits, well done.

  234. Mike Lukash
    June 11th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    9C: Actually, that is the funniest and dead center strip he’s done. I do feel bad for Amos though. He’s tried to do the right thing and got screwed over…yet again.

  235. seismic-2
    June 11th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Actually, Edda is fired twice, right? (From the ballet troupe and from the much more lucrative underwear modeling gig.) She spent all her money buying Amos that cello, and he spent all his money buying her that ring, so now she’s got no boyfriend, no job, and no money.

    Back to Vienna!!!

  236. laila
    June 11th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Luann: All right, let me see if I’ve got this straight.

    Tiffany wants to be an actress and has done for some time. As well as attempting to take the opportunities to get acting experience locally she’s putting herself out there, forging connections, proving herself willing to start at the bottom and work up, and generally getting a feel for the industry. She’s managed to get an engagement as an extra on a major motion picture while still in high school, and was prepared to sacrifice a vacation in the cause of furthering her ambitions.

    Luann also wants to be an actress, having randomly decided that she might as well after a single conversation with two friends who told her she was ‘really funny’. She’s made a couple of sub-Rebecca Black Youtube videos and been in a single high-school play, and seems to think this makes her Julliard material.

    And yet Tiffany is supposed to be the unrealistic one here?

    I’m so confused.

  237. Badger3k
    June 11th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Moisturizer on Mr Frog would probably act like huffing paint, so clearly Slylock is on a fierce anti-drug crusade. Of course, maybe the frog was dying of cracked skin caused by people mistakenly licking him, and Slylock is merely confirming a slow, agonizing death for him.

  238. littlestevie
    June 11th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#43): I remember that as a full color poster and I think it was black light as well. It was entitled “Disneyland After Dark”

  239. seismic-2
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Badger3k (#237): “Of course, maybe the frog was dying of cracked skin caused by people mistakenly licking him

    Perhaps this explains why all the residents of Hootin’ Holler have their tongues hanging out of their mouths. It’s warts.

  240. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#200): Hah!

    Portaging really is the activity from hell. I never did any mud portages; the ones my NOLS group experience tended to involve rocks that were simultaneously pointy, round, and prone to rolling, and slime. Fun fun!

  241. Joshua
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    I’m going to actually try to justify the Slylock Fox story.

    Obviously, Buford Bullfrog would know that tadpoles don’t have legs. But he isn’t supposed to be ignorant of his own biology — he’s supposed to be lying. Notice that nobody else in the courtroom appears to be an amphibian. Maybe Buford thinks that all the others there are ignorant of amphibian biology, and he can try to put one over on them. Yes, it would have been a better idea to come up with an alibi that was scientifically plausible, but if you are a frog in a court presided over by an owl, your future is dim anyway.

    Also, the moisturizer might have been expensive enough for the frog to fence, as opposed to using it on his own skin, which would be a very bad idea.

  242. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    JOSH: Which means that they’d never smear ‘moisturizing’ gunk on themselves, because it would be a death sentence! So why would Mr. Bullfrog have stolen the moisturizer in the first place, hmm? It just doesn’t add up!

    But it does add up.

    Buford Bullfrog belongs to an organized theft ring that steals skin moisturizing products from stores to fence on the black market. For example: a package of eight unscented bars of “Dove Sensitive” is currently available on Amazon for $27.54. That’s down from $41.83!

    You don’t believe me? Then check it out for yourself:

    http://beautydiscount.beauty-supply-review.info/Dove-Beauty-Bar-Sensitive-Skin-B001ET7IQK.html

  243. tallyHO
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    So has the possibility of Slylock Fox representing Mark Trail’s pal Al* been mentioned?

    While it always seems like Slylock is prosecuting–who knew a fox could have a sheepskin from a law school?–obviously he is actually on a one man fox crusade to give a lot of creatures a really hard time. But, that doesn’t preclude the possibility that he may actually care about the innocent. If Al is indeed innocent, Slylock in a Kangaroo Court setting, would be of great assistance. However, if Al is guilty then you know Slylock will be there miming “J’Accuse!”. Incessantly miming.
    Miming. Miming. mommee!

    *the widower’s name is Al, right? Part of me thinks his name may also be George Costanza, Lost Forest biologist.

  244. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    ‘Green Acres’ actor Frank Cady dies at 96:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/11/frank-cady-dead-green-acres-actor-dies_n_1587103.html

    “Mr. Drucker” would’ve been right at home in Hootin’ Holler!

  245. tallyHO
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Panel One of Snuffmeister Smif and the Barney Bunch

    In this episode (which doesn’t feature the now immortal line “Kiss the Barney Stone, Loweezy!”) you have Snuffmeister taking a break from designing geodesic stills and reading the newspaper.

    Him commenting about how politicians are “all hands” seems to bring a look of concern on Slapjack’s face Lukey’s face.

    If you notice Lukey has his hand extended showing that it is mainly palm and has rather short–perhaps one-knuckled–fingers. It is obviously Lukey is very self-consious about how Snuffalufagus feels about people who are “all hands”. It is just surprising that he isn’t standing there hiding them from Mr. Smif as he comments on politicians.

    [/babble]
    The poor guy can barely pick his nose with fingers like those.

    And, looky there! See how gingerly Snuffy holds the paper. He extends the pinky, like he his refreshing his palette with a spot of tea. To top it off: Snuffy seems to be able to read/or, he’s pretending to read while looking at bra ads.

  246. Poteet
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#235): Come to think of it, didn’t the older Burber women and their unfortunate men come to NYC to help Edda because of her alleged pregnancy? Did they all just fade away?

  247. seismic-2
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#244): Hootin’ Holler? All things considered, I’d rather live in Hooterville.

  248. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 11th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#245): You still haven’t answered the sixty-four-dollar question: what happened to Barney’s OTHER stone?

  249. tallyHO
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#244):

    That’s a drag to find this out. Though, what is probably even worse is that I thought he went to the Great Beyond long ago.

    The character he played seemed like such a natural character. I guess it is because he seemed to play it straight and seemed reasonably sane, in comparison to the other characters.

    Yesterday, I saw that link someone posted about “Get Smart”. That show, “Green Acres”, “Petticoat Junction” and so many other sitcoms just seem like they couldn’t be made anymore. As far as I can think of there hasn’t been many which were that good, with a great ensemble cast, really good writing and could be re-watched without losing too much.

    Frank Cady was a reason why the show was funny.

  250. Peanut Gallery
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#Y109):

    There are actresses who own their roles so completely that no one dare remake their work — Diana Rigg, Barbara Felton, and June Foray come to mind.

    I second that, especially for #3. “That voice! Where have I heard that voice?”

  251. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#246): That’s a very good question.

  252. tallyHO
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#249):
    ack.
    He was one reason why the show was funny. A pig people talked to stole the show.

    //I really should not try and carry on conversations in the middle of writing a post. I swear, a good number of ones I write are interrupted ones that I posted anyhow.

  253. Peanut Gallery
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y133): I just looked at timecube.com for the first time. Billions of Blistering Barnacles! I hope that guy never met Dr. Bronner. It’d be like matter and antimatter.

  254. tallyHO
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#248):

    That’s a good question which deserves a hilarious answer.

    a) the Revenoo’ers done took it.
    b) it is hidden beneath Lukey’s backyard underneath the palm trees that form the letter W.
    c) Snuffy tried to smoke it, got frustrated that the stone didn’t get him stoned and then decided to stone somebody with it. Then he got thrown in the hoosegow (sp?….er…spellcheck is fine with the spelling? yikes!)…he got thrown in the clink and spent some time with Otis the Hollerin’ Hootin’ Holler drunk.
    d) Cuss Skunk holds the answer but he swears like a squeaky sailor so who knows.
    e) I don’t know any good hilarious answers off-the-cuff.

  255. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#238): I remember seeing the blacklight poster at Maudie’s Incredible Flea Market (a chain of head shops in my area), but they wouldn’t sell it to me until I was 14. I also saw a reduced-size version at a store in Denver that I probably wasn’t supposed to be inside of. The picture became very scarce just before I hit 14 and stayed that way for some decades.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#244): ‘Green Acres’ actor Frank Cady dies at 96
    Alas. Drucker est mort.

  256. Peanut Gallery
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#52), @Gringo (#84):
    Chico: ‘Atsa-no portage! ‘Atsa porridge!
    (Harpo throws away bowl of porridge, pulls a live bird from under his coat)
    Chico: No, ‘atsa-no portage, ‘atsa partridge! C’mon, portage! Portage!
    (Harpo releases the bird, extracts an open glass of ale from his pocket)
    Chico: Whadda you got now… ‘Atsa porter! Hey, you got any more of those?

  257. Droopy Says
    June 11th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#195): And in that 2003 MT strip, Trail is off to see Ben Harris. Does Elrod recycle names along with the clip art, or is the Harris family part of an ongoing arc about a LoFo crime family? Will they make Trail an otter he can’t refuse?

  258. seismic-2
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#256): [Clown-9 comes driving up.]
    Chico: Why a duck?

    Actually, that’s a very good question!

  259. Peanut Gallery
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#258):
    Chico: All right, why a duck? Why a no chicken?
    Groucho: Well, I don’t know why a no chicken; I’m a stranger here myself.

  260. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 11th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @laila (#236):

    I’m so confused.

    Not as confused as Greg Evans.

  261. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: Like Esau, Elrod is going to regret selling this plot for a messy portage.

  262. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 11th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: All this blather about whether or not the Frog is lying, based on tadpoles and such completely misses the point that he’s obviously guilty because moisturiser is dripping off his foot!

    I have to admit, however, that I was initially completely baffled by the “mistaken identity” part, since I couldn’t imagine how anyone could misidentify a jar of cream for baby frogs — with or without legs. It took me most of the day to realise that Freddy was saying it was a case of mistaken identity concerning who had stolen the jar, not the jar itself. I’m kind of stupid in spots.

    But at least I know what newborn members of my own species look like.

  263. Droopy Says
    June 12th, 2012 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: Would there be any point in mentioning that a water gun with the force of a fire hose would have the same recoil as a fire hose? And that it can’t hold a volume of water greater than its own volume? Or is this covered by the same law that says a Spiderman panel can hold more stupidity than allowed in the real world?

    FW: So Creepy Les was always on the “ineffectual, pretentious dick” career track?

    Family Circus: When Thel saw how the flowers wilted in Dolly’s presence she realized–far too late!–that no prophesy said the antiChrist couldn’t be a girl.

    Flatulence Alley: Contrariwise, if Slim and Clovia showed up in a Three Stooges flick, they’d be the tragic relief.

    Mock Trail: You have to wonder at the plan here. Will the Widow Chavez shoot Trail with the murder weapon? Will she be a lady and expect the pilot to do the shooting? Or will they try to bash Trail with one of the pontoons?

    Pluggers: You know you’re a Plugger if you like it when Brookins tells you that every imaginable human activity makes you a Plugger.

  264. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 12th, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#257): In a shocking development, Elrod recycles the entire plot of Paul Gallico’s Mrs. ‘Arris Goes to Paris as a MT storyline.

  265. Comcis Fan
    June 12th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur’s either juggling the muffin and the coffee, or he has three to four arms. In yesterday’s strip, he first gripped the muffin with his left hand fingernails, then held it aloft as if it were the holy grail or an item being displayed on QVC. His right arm went from aloft in panel one to missing, evoking Becky of Westview, in panel two. Today, he goes from right-hand muffin in panel one to empty right hand and coffee-holding left hand in panel two. This is all occurring in the span of about five sentences, so imagine the film version of “My Muffin with Mary!”

  266. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 12th, 2012 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#263):

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: Would there be any point in mentioning that a water gun with the force of a fire hose would have the same recoil as a fire hose? And that it can’t hold a volume of water greater than its own volume?

    It was obviously bitten by a radioactive fire hose and now has the proportional strength of…oh, screw it.

  267. Droopy Says
    June 12th, 2012 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#266):Of course! The gun squirts radioactive seltzer-water! It will mutate Generic Brand into an archvillain, giving Peter Passive a nemesis worthy of his power to duck his responsibilities.

  268. Mr. O'Malley
    June 12th, 2012 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#51): I doubt if any PBS station is going to invite the Four Deuces on the air to help the viewers reminisce about the days when they used to drink white port and lemon juice. But I have to agree with Frank Zappa, it is a pretty good song. (Like this one. I remember both form an old Dr. Demento show.)

  269. Mr. O'Malley
    June 12th, 2012 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#243): I don’t think it’s surprising that a fox might have a sheepskin. Foxes are very smart. They could steal things from a larger predator.

  270. John C Fremont
    June 12th, 2012 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    MT – Further evidence that Mark Trail is just not very smart.

    MW – I just can’t stop staring at Wilber’s mutated coffee mug hand. Maybe it’s a prosthetic device, just like in Chamber of Horrors. Turn away when you see the Fear Flasher…

  271. Peanut Gallery
    June 12th, 2012 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#262): And it’s the kind of moisturizer frogs use when they’re trying to quit smoking!

  272. Hogenmogen
    June 12th, 2012 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#263): “Would there be any point in mentioning that a water gun with the force of a fire hose would have the same recoil as a fire hose? And that it can’t hold a volume of water greater than its own volume? ”

    Answer: No. No there would be no point. This plotline flew off the rails, crossed the line, walked off the reservation and fell down the well at the point where Hardy-har-har became CLOWN-9. Up until then, it was a gritty, yet heartwarming story of the struggles of talentless actors in the NYC stage district, realistically portrayed. Once you send in the clowns, it all goes to hell and you just can’t come back.

    Anyway, those were my first two questions also. So I think there’s no point for me to bring up Newtonian equal and opposite reactions or the non-compressability of water. I suppose there’s also no need to mention the resident superhero is still sitting on his ass in the audience. What mystifies me is how did Tuckseedo McPerfecthair know that it was a water gun? He could have loaded it with bleach or poison or nerve gas. His mother should have told him to stay away from rejects of the Insane Clown Posse.

  273. Little Guy
    June 12th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    GT: So, I guess the Lady Thorp will have get all Hippolyta on some ignorant tightass softball moms.

    9CL: So, McEcch is going to try to make unemployment erotic? Sorry, Octomom beat him to it.

  274. Droopy Says
    June 12th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#272): And I still haven’t asked the most obvious question: why doesn’t Peter Passive do something the instant he realizes his wife is in danger? Why does he take the time to hide and change into his costume? This is the point where you’d expect him to realize his secret identity doesn’t mean that much. (And it’s not like the name of Spiderman strikes fear into evildoers. “Manhattan? No, Spiderman abides there, I’m safer hitting Newark.”)

  275. Mike
    June 12th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Whats up with the tongues in every Snuffy Smith comic? Its starting to gross me out.

  276. F. Cecious Lee
    June 12th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: I thought only girl mice use mouse pads. (thanks Dilbert, is Dilbert still around?)

  277. Hogenmogen
    June 12th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#274): MJ isn’t really in danger. Clown9 said he only wants to shoot Tux Boy, and then again, it’s with water. Parker could have helped the ushers get Clowny under control before he actually got that far. Even without his tights on, he should have the proportionate strength of a crawly thingy.

    The last story arc, Thor was taking MJ to ASSguard, which could have killed her, and Peter still didn’t want to risk his secret identity – to another superhero – who it turns out knew all alon g anyway. Calling him “douchebag” is maybe going easy.

  278. damanoid
    June 12th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    “Yes, I’m Buford Bullfrog’s wife. I’m afraid I just got back from the hospital; our adoptive son is a bird, and the poor dear sprained his leg trying to fly too early. Anyway I’m returning your call about my husband being arrested– OH MY GOD he’s been EXECUTED already?!”

  279. Vince M
    June 12th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#244): Aww, heck. He was the second only sane man on ‘Green Acres’…I remember first seeing ‘Rear Window’ and going “Hey, Mr. Drucker!”

  280. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 12th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#Y261): That is simply beautiful.

  281. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 12th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Bizarro: I have to love Piraro. Even when he has a lame joke, he tries to compensate, to make up for it. That little stick of dynamite under the table. That’s adorable.

    Blondie: This is why Dagwood puts up with Elmo.

    GA: Ok, I’m a fan. I will cut Scancarelli a lot of slack. But… putting “Moe” on the nametag…
    That is annoying. He ought to give his readers a little credit!

  282. dodoman1
    June 13th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    It’s pretty well-documented that Slylock Fox is racist against frogs. Haven’t you ever heard of the Tree-frog Martin case?

  283. dodoman1
    June 13th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    (I’m sorry, that was tasteless)

  284. Samuel PG
    June 30th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    My main problem with Slylock is that its genre-bending ways stack the deck against readers. Do I know that juvenile bullfrogs are actually tadpoles and don’t have legs? Yes. Do I assume that anthropomorphized bullfrogs with an interest in moisturizer experience a larval morphology? Not usually.

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