Main content:


New jungle fever adventure!

The Phantom, 1/16/08

Hooray, I did it! I managed to get through the entire previous incredibly moronic Phantom storyline without mentioning it in this blog once! This one is just getting started, and may turn out to be just as dumb, but I can’t resist today’s installment, in which Diana Walker (aka The Phantom’s Imported Caucasian Bride) is, as our narration box tells us, chatting with her friends about their career choices. (Side note: Hey, narration box, do you think that you don’t need a verb just because you have an exclamation point? Hmmm?) It sure was nice of Diana and her friend the cop to arrange to meet their friend the waitress for lunch while she was working the lunch shift. “It’ll be fun! We’ll talk while you serve us our meal! Maybe we’ll even tip you!” As if that wasn’t bad enough, cop-lady is stealing waitress-lady’s lifelong dream. “That’s the answer! Jungle patrol! Be sure to think of the adventures I’m having out on the frontier the next time an old man yells at you because his coffee’s too hot!”

Funky Winkerbean, 1/16/08

Not being married to a band director, I guess I can’t be expected to truly understand the horror that they go through, but I admit to not seeing the connection between being left home alone as your partner leads a group of teenagers through a forced march through the parking lot while they play an Andrew Lloyd Weber medley and this unappetizing combination of foodstuffs. There are a couple of possible explanations here:

  • John’s total inability to cook, which I had blamed on a terminal case of Stereotypical Comic-Strip Maleness, is actually some sort of little-talked-about side effect of marrying a band director. Enormous bowls of M&Ms and six-packs of BEER-brand beer are actually the best he can do for hospitality, considering his condition. Since the other members of his meeting are in the same boat, they can’t complain about it.
  • Being a band director’s spouse in Funky Winkerbean is some kind of double-whammy of crushing depression, and so the only thing for it is a tasty combo of alcohol and sugar. In fact, I’m not convinced that the colorful tablets in those bowls are actually M&Ms. I think the band directors are going to make their troubles go away with a cocktail of cheap beer and bootleg prescription pharmaceuticals — the “M&Ms” ruse is just to keep the kids none the wiser.

Judge Parker, 1/16/08

OK, I totally take back what I said earlier about Sam not being a sexual harassment risk. There’s really no good explanation for his pose in the third panel unless he’s about to casually look down and say, “Hey, whaddya know? My pants just came undone! Could you help me with that … partner?”

105 responses to “New jungle fever adventure!”

  1. Rainbird
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Wow Josh. Two posts in one day. You are on file.

  2. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    For a second, I thought you typed “bland director” rather than “band director”. I like the typo version better.

  3. Uncle Balustrade
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    M & Ms and beer? Why not just get some chocolate ice cream and Heineken and make beer floats? The carpet will be a different color at the end of the party, though.

  4. Rainbird
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    And why is Sam’s assistant dressed like that in Judge Parker? Did she forget that she was supposed to show up for work? Did she run out of clothes, and that is all she has until she does her laundry? Is she trying to seduce the guy that doesn’t even have sex with his wife when she lies down in front of him? Perhaps as a dare?

  5. Saluki
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    When I first saw Sam this morning I thought maybe he was reaching back to pull his shirt off. Then I realized it was Sam and thought “nah”.

  6. Dan Coyle
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Batiuk’s not even doing jokes; he’s just drawing out a five minute conversation over a week.

  7. Hammertime
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: So all of these different high schools have coordinated practice times, and the directors’ spouses abandon their children and other responsibilities to eat candy, get drunk and complain?

    Whatever fate Wally Winkerbean met is certainly better than this living hell.

  8. Reynard Noir
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Uh, excuse me, The Phantom, but why does esctatic “Jungle Patrol!” yelling woman have John Quincy Adams’ hair?

  9. AlexVa
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    And the next line in today’s Family Circus: “So, Billy, do you like gladiator movies?”

  10. Poewar
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Hey there John, buddy, as a former bachelor married to a busy woman I want to introduce you to a startling new Culinary Development. It’s called “Chips & Dip”. You can buy these in the store, and they are easy to serve. Open the bag. open the jar. If you are feeling ambitious, pour one or both of them into a bowl. Problem solved my friend. Oh, and you can also buy wine or soft drinks at a store. You can even purchase ice my friend. Just to be clear, I’m not talking about some specialty store in New York. There are a whole bunch of conveniently located stores that populate most neighborhoods. We’ll call them “convenience stores”. Just pop into one of them and pick up these items. It should only take five or ten minutes. You’re guests will thank you!

  11. racing js
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    I’ll bet you the “mystery man” in Judge Parker is a woman. Hoo Boy. Won’t that be exciting!

  12. jeralbin
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    You’z guys better look out or The Phantom will kick the shit out of you! Phantom, Phantom, Phantom

  13. SecretMargo
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’ll just ask it — are there multiple band directors? How? Doesn’t one just succeed another? Are there hordes of band-directors-in-waiting that flank the real band director wherever she goes, creating a surplus of “widows” ready to join this guy as he stares down the barrel of a night of beer and chocolate and despair? Or is “meeting” just an ironic term for another night spent completely alone, making a little game of predicting whether it’ll be alcohol poisoning or a diabetic coma that’ll whisk him away to dreamland this time?

  14. bats :[
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Well, heck, in the same vein (heh) of all the JP speculation and who cares about the war vet and his creepy old mother and Randy’s campaign let’s talk dirty!:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2197584413/

    (And what da heck is wrong with Comic Book Guy’s hair? Is it hair? Is he really one of those Thugga things from Popeye? I need answers!)

  15. Big Sims
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Josh,
    The JP set up is along the lines of every porno I’ve… uh… heard about. I’m waiting for Sam to say “Look! It’s the new partner, and he’s not wearing pants!”
    But I guess if the new partner is legless (and thus saves money by buying only shorts) and Sam has no sex drive, then we might just be in for a for another incomprehensible story line. Gah, I thought (or have heard) that only porno was this poorly written.

    #10 Poewar,
    Hysterical, COTW material IMHO.

  16. Benicillin
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    The beginning of a new Phantom storyline is as exciting for us as the beginning of a Spiderman storyline. Meaning that this “Jungle Patrol” plot promises to be as chock full of twists and turns as Peter Parker shopping at an Old Navy for 7 months while his Spidey sense goes haywire because he forgot to leave his costume at home and can’t try on cargo pants. Fuck, I can’t wait…!

  17. mere cog in the machine
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    FW: I guess it’s a good thing when comic strip artists take their work quite seriously and try to heighten the realism, and flesh out the characters, and so forth, BUT……..Does Batiuk think he is some sort of gothic novelist whose readership is hanging on every word of his stupid frigging characters and wringing their hands over his pointless, idiotic plot developments? Hey Batiuk! You’re not Charles Fucking Dickens! Hell, you’re not even John Grisham. I am now praying to my Dark Father in Hell to give you cancer of the fingertips; a well-deserved punishment for your hubris, your megalomania, your would-be deepness, and your crappy, smirking characters. Kiss my ass, you piker!

  18. Uncle Lumpy
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Diana and her friends in The Phantom can do anything they want, so long as it involves bathing. Lots and lots of bathing.

  19. Korvo
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G burning question: Speaking of exciting mystery people, does anyone remember who was waiting for Luann in the kitchen at Blaze’s NYE party? All I remember is some dumb conversation with Ruby and her mystery hors d’ouvres.

    p.s. The fact that I remember or care about this is deeply disturbing to me.

  20. Big Sims
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    #13 Secret Margo,

    Or is “meeting” just an ironic term for another night spent completely alone, making a little game of predicting whether it’ll be alcohol poisoning or a diabetic coma that’ll whisk him away to dreamland this time?

    Either way, he’s a winner in the Funkyverse! (Or is that either way, he’s a whiner?) Either way – it all fits the Funkyverse.
    And yeah, what, do they bus in all the Band Directors and make the ‘widows and widowers’ hang out?

  21. JosephFinn
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    And why is Sam assistant apparently wearing fishnet gloves that have managed to crawl onto her coffee cup in the first panel? Will we finally get that webbing action that Spider-Man so dearly lacks?

  22. Nate
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    IT’S THE GIANT BLACK EVIL HAND OF BOREDOM!

  23. UncleJeff
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    #14 bats:) I gots to gets me some of that BEER brand beer to cool down with after reading your JP bow-chicka-bow-bow.
    #18 unclelumpy: Why are the best artists saddled with the lamest writers?

  24. yellojkt
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Being a band parent I have met several band director wives and while their lives are lonely, desolate, bleak existences while their husbands conduct nightly practices and travel every weekend to distant competitions, I hope they never face the relentless despair of being a Funky Winkerbean character.

  25. odinthor
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    #43 of “Origin Story” thread; Allie Cat

    On a tangential note, and harkening back to our Munich discussion several threads back – they do a drink there called a Radler, which is beer mixed with lemonade. I had it a few times, thought it was great and asked the waiter what kind of lemonade they use. “Half beer, half Sprite,” he tells me. Sounds gross, but it’s a delightful drink in the summer after you’ve just worked in the garden, etc.

    Absolutely–it’s a delightful, delicious summertime drink. Here, we call it a Shandy.

  26. cheech wizard
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Phantom – Jungle Patrol! That’s the answer! I bet she can even get her underwear, and perhaps her entire uniform, from 9CL’s Juliette. They might even be the same thing.

    JP – In yesterday’s inset, I don’t think Gloria’s thinking about sexual harassment. Instead, I think it’s more along the lines of “If I’m your first partner, then where has my share of the profits been hiding all these years? Or is that what that Honeybaked ham at Christmas was supposed to be?”

  27. Paul1963
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    JP: At least Ed Barreto varies his layouts and his characters’ facial expressions. The last time this strip was in a Baltimore paper, it was still bylined “Harold LeDoux” and looked like it was traced from photos of department-store mannequins. Plus, Sam and Abbey always–always!–wore the same clothes.
    Is Abbey’s hair still pink in the Sundays in the printed version, or is it now the red used in the online version?

  28. Little Guy
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    JP: It’s too late. A eunich looking at his crotch is still a eunich.

    Phantom: “Oh, I’m a Jungle Patrol and that’s okay….”

    11. No, the mystery man *IS* “Hoo!” Boy, with Gaptooth.

  29. Uncle Lumpy
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Half beer, half sprite: Pibgorn!

  30. Brick Bradford
    January 16th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker looks a lot like the start of something I saw on Cinemax once. Is the new partner going to be played by Kira Reed?

  31. ltrftp Hedly
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Where is Avocado Avenger where you need her.

    Anyone else catch the continuity mistake in JP?

    28
    Little Guy
    But a eunuch scratching his crotch is probably close to nuts!

  32. ltrftp Hedly
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    29
    Uncle Lumpy

    I am trying to work in beer nuts in a conflation of your post and mine. Not working.

  33. ltrftp Hedly
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Preview is my friend.
    Another puppy diets.

  34. SecretMargo
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    19: Korvo: The mystery person turned out to be…..Ruby! So you didn’t miss anything. Except the latest in A3G‘s continuing efforts to redefine the term “anti-climax.”

    Also: if the mystery “guy” auditioning to be Sam ‘n’ Randy’s new “partner” turns out to be a newly out-of-work Rusty, I’m gonna….well, I’m not sure what I’ll do, but it’ll involve hilarious puffs of steam emerging from my ears, that’s for sure.

  35. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    I heard that Sam’s favorite operating system is Eunuchs.

  36. Nil Zed
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    #43 of “Origin Story” thread; Allie Cat — On a tangential note, and harkening back to our Munich discussion several threads back – they do a drink there called a Radler, which is beer mixed with lemonade.

    25 – # odinthor says:Absolutely–it’s a delightful, delicious summertime drink. Here, we call it a Shandy.

    I thought a Radler was (Famous Brand Name) cola and beer. We were in Erfurt though, maybe they got it wrong.

  37. Secret Santa
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    7/Hammertime: Coordinated practice times? Well, not exactly coordinated, but coincidental. Thursday night under the lights is the marching band practice big event in Ohio. It’s the only time the coaches let the band use the field. But isn’t marching season over in November with the last high school football games?

    MT: An amphibious aircraft can land on land and water. The aircraft depicted is clearly a floatplane without retractable wheels. And doesn’t anyone wear headsets when flying in the MT Universe? I can’t imagine a bush pilot flying without his cans. Oh, well.

  38. bats :[
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    35. Skullturf: and Sam’s been a patron of the Special Olympics for years because he’s a long-time admirer of its founder, Eunuchs Shriver.

  39. ltrftp Hedly
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    34
    Secret Margo
    Better than “Auntie Climax”, eh?

  40. ltrftp Hedly
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Josh, will eunuchs all these atrocious puns?

  41. Uncle Lumpy
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    #32 ltrftp –

    Well, the non-alcoholic version is Mr. Pibbgorn!

    Hey, it’s a crappy pun eruption – count me in!

  42. SecretMargo
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    39: Since that’s Aristotle’s pet name for Ruby, I think it’s more of a fell-AY-tio/fell-AH-tio situation in this case.

  43. Uncle Lumpy
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Curly — Hey, stick around!
    Sam — I’ve got some phone calls to make!
    Curly — Why you . . . nuk, nuk, nuk!

  44. ltrftp Hedly
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    41
    Uncle Lumpy
    Long gorn, I am sure.
    Thanks for making my evening.

  45. ltrftp Hedly
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    42
    SecretMargo

    Great visual pun with the /. Plus, it show you read virtually every post.

    Wow.

  46. cheech wizard
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    34/ Secret Margo, et. al – There’s no “mystery guy” Sam’s thinking of hiring – it’s the wounded vet with no legs and the dying mother. Remember him/them? Although I think we’d all prefer to see Rusty come back.

  47. True Fable
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    #14 bats :[ – Oh, if only Sam Driver had even half that enthusiasm! Let’s you and I go mug Woody and force Eduardo to draw our bidding.

    As it is, it’s like Sam Driver was teased as a kid and called “Sex Driver” and he ended up saying, “well, we’ll have no more of that.”

  48. SecretMargo
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    46: Shoot! I missed that entirely. I think my entire brainpan is taken up with maintaining my ability to differentiate between Eric and Alan and Gary and Neil and so on in A3G, crowding out nearly everything else.

  49. Tybalt
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    #3 : “The carpet will be a different color at the end of the party, though.”

    Not really. Every wall covering in the Funkiverse is a uniform shade of taupe (if you’re looking for it at Home Depot, they stock this as “Despair Beige”), so I suspect the floors are all the same color as well – which is indistinguishable by the human eye from beer-puke light brown.

  50. Mountain Mama
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    Marching season is over, but now it’s concert season! There are still Thursday evening rehearsals to attend!

    Mountain “still a band geek” Mama

  51. gnome de blog
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    31 Itrftp:
    You mean the one where Gloria’s coffee cup switched hands, or the one where Gloria looks like a completely different person than last year’s Gloria (during the “work it like a claw” episode), who looked completely different than “captive in the jungle” Gloria, who bore no resemblance to any Gloria ever drawn by Harold LeDoux?

  52. McManx
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Phantom – Let’s see, three women go off into the jungle for adventure and get into mishaps…wasn’t this the plot of a Shannon Tweed soft porn movie a few years ago? Following that storyline, Phantom is about get a new title — Ghost-Who-Gets-Some.

  53. Lesser Whark
    January 16th, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    15
    Big Sims
    I’m sure you’re right, and I think I know why:

    The only way I can explain the past year of Judge Parker is that they’re saving money by copying the art from a Judge Parker Tijuana Bible and replacing the dialogue. It’s an obvious move – the original artist can’t sue for copyright infringement without admitting to some infringement of their own.

    Try it – erase the text from this week’s strips, then try to replace it with dialogue that isn’t filthy.

  54. LTBF
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    If she doesn’t like being a waitress, she could become a ventriloquist. she can already talk without moving her lips.

  55. Poteet
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    My high school band director was married, but I was so busy loathing him that it never occurred to me to wonder what his wife might be going through. I do seem to recall hearing a rumor, during my senior year, that she was not a happy camper. Had I been in her position, and had I felt unable to leave him, booze would have been my refreshment of choice, alternating with handfuls of mood-altering pills.

  56. Kumquat
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    #48 SecretMargo – Is it even possible to look at an A3G sandy-haired man devoid of context and know which one he is? I usually just assume that he’s the love interest of whichever of the roommates he’s talking to, and hope the writers continue their pattern of hardly ever having a sandy-haired love interest speak to the two roommates he’s not dating.

  57. Jordan
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    I almost think that FW is making some sort of play on the phrase “[occupation]‘s life isn’t all beer and skittles”, only the Skittles got replaced with M&Ms somehow. Is this what Mars has stooped to after missing the boat with E.T.?

  58. BlinkAndItsOver
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    That phrase that closes Daddy Keane’s word balloon today, “the guys didn’t wear any clothes,” stuck in my imagination. So I started appending it to the last lines in some of today’s comics. It’s surprisingly versatile.

    Ph: “Kay! That’s the answer! Jungle Patrol! The guys didn’t wear any clothes!” I don’t know where this storyline is going, with or without the clothes remark, but at least this might explain the lady’s enthusiasm.

    FW: “Being the spouse of a band director isn’t pretty. The guys didn’t wear any clothes.” Yes, these widows, remembering the years of companionship of their always-naked aging band director husbands, will welcome the chance to blur the rebarbative memory with a few brewskis. Where the M&Ms come in, I have no idea.

    GT: “Lighten up, Andrew. It was just a free-throw contest! The guys didn’t wear any clothes!” He’s right, losing a naked free-throw contest is hardly anything to get upset about. Now losing a free-throw contest dressed in S&M gear, that’s a bummer.

  59. rotts
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Don’t pun me, bro!

  60. True Fable
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    # 55 Poteet, my queen! – My kids’ high school band director was a likable fellow when he started out and they were in middle school, but by the time they reached high school, his band had achieved enough competition trophies to swell his ego to megalomaniac proportions. He was an insufferable prick of the highest order and all Fables learned to hate him.

    Sweet William walked out on marching band right after band camp his junior year. He was the best sax player the man had and nothing or no one could talk him into rejoining marching band. He stayed in class, though, and reminded the man daily that his best player was NOT on the field. Lesson: don’t piss off a Fable.

    Still, I do not see how a one-armed band director like Becky manages to direct. How do you bring in or cut off another section’s music and still keep time? I could see it if the DRUM MAJOR was conducting, but every time we’ve seen the band so far, Becky’s on the podium. WTF?!

    Guess Comic Book John’s not the only one who can do something with only one hand.

  61. Necktie Weasel
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    My best friend’s dad is a band director. She goes months sometimes only seeing him for a few minutes a week.

    That said, I don’t think her mom gets together with other band director spouses to eat M&M’s and drink beer. Especially in the FW universe, where the M&M’s contain cancer.

  62. Brick Bradford
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    In today’s Gil Thorp there’s a guy in the background of the first panel who looks like he’s taking a whiz on the school steps. The dream of many an adolescent comes true!

  63. Frinkenstein
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    In the Winkerverse, perhaps “band directors’ widows” is not a euphemism. I wouldn’t be surprised if band directors drop like flies there, succumbing to cancer, freak accidents and diabetes, the latter of which would explain the beer and M&Ms…it’s an altar.

  64. Bunnë
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    TS: Diana’s friend is going to steal Diana’s childhood dream? Next she’ll be all, you ordered french fries? Can I have some? God, I hate her so much! Or I would, if I cared.

    And why does she have John Quincy Adams’ hair?

  65. Obstreperous B
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Ok, I’ve been staring at that Judge Parker for 5 minutes, and either Gloria’s value as a secretary is partly due to her being able to levitate office furniture, or the firm’s architect was M. C. Escher.

  66. Uncle Lumpy
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Diana’s cop friend (“Officer Hawa”) has John Quincy Adams’ hair because this entire plot centers on skinny-dipping!

    Yes it DOES!

  67. bats :[
    January 16th, 2008 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    46. cheech wizard: from your lips (or keyboard) to God’s ears:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2197881375/

  68. kodijack
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Why is Sam leaning back, arms circled over the top? He’s only been there five minutes, how tired could he be? I thought Rachel ate all of the brownies the night before.

  69. AhClem
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    #14, 67 Bats :[ –
    Wall-kicking, food-spraying, milk-snorting awesomeness! However, I have a question: Who is that guy with the massive libido, and what has he done with Sam Driver?

  70. True Fable
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    # 69 Ah Clem – why, that’s Sam Driver’s Evil Twin Pyle Driver, of course.

  71. compass rose
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    #66 Lumpy – Well, it could center on changing clothes in the jungle – wasn’t there an (in)famous strip in which Diana changes clothes in order to leave the jungle and go into town?

  72. cheech wizard
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    67 – ah, that’s much better. Thanks, bats!

  73. Jamus The Bartender
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    FW: The Following Is A Public Service Announcement:
    Hi.
    My Name’s Jamus.
    I’m also a comic book guy.
    I also cook for a living.
    Very well.
    Fact is, i’m making buffalo wings with a combination of hot sauce and lemon curd even as we speak.
    Fucking delicious.
    Not all comic book guys are inept at cooking…
    Laundry…
    And general housekeeping..
    Well, that last one’s tough for me…
    But to continue…
    It’s said a lot of comic book guys are also socially awkward.
    So was I.
    Once.
    Cassandra says hi.
    Stereotypes Hurt.
    The following PSA does not reflect the opinions of Comics Curmudgeon, Josh Frulinger, yada yada, gotta check the wings.

  74. Poteet
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    # 60 — Sir Fable MTK, thank you for the great story. I hope your son enjoyed his revenge, and I certainly understand his decision. I really wanted to play in the orchestra and concert bands, for which marching band membership was required, so I stuck it out. But if I had to do it over, I might flip the bird at Director Asshat and say farewell. My high school had more than 3,000 students, including a lot of flute players, so I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of being missed. But I would have had the pleasure of never having to deal with him again.

    I too wonder how Becky manages her work. I played under several band directors from second grade on up, and all of them used both hands. And then I remind myself that it’s FW, so I don’t really care:-).

  75. Jam Daddy
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    M&Ms? Beer? UNAPPETIZING COMBINATION??!!! Madness you speak!

    #9 AlexVa – Billy, have you ever been to a gymnasium? Or a Turkish bathhouse?

  76. Jack
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Third… panel? Josh, are you seein’ panels of J.P. that the rest of us can’t again?

    Oh dear, time to call the men in white.

  77. BigTed
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Josh, have you ever seen this website? The guy does (kind of freaky) live-action reenactments of “Garfield” strips.

    http://www.lasagnacat.com

  78. Angry Beaver
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Ok I’m liking Baldo this week.

    I sense a fight breaking out and Baldo doing his Whitey Houston impression (if you’ve seen ‘The Soup’ you know what I mean!)

  79. Allie Cat
    January 16th, 2008 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    #25/36 – Odinthor and Nil Zed – I don’t care what you call it, how you make it, or what it costs. I want beer – good, quality German beer, and I want it now. Sprite optional.

    I don’t know – I’m going a little stir crazy – you’d think I’d be OK with it getting dark so early, but I’m still not. I need sunlight. STAT!

    Also – in today’s MW – where did Vera’s bags go? Yesterday, she had shopping bags. Today – no bags. Was she concentrating so hard on her call to Drew that she didn’t notice she was being mugged?

  80. brb
    January 16th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G What in the blue Blaze is going on there?!

    Sorry – it was just the first thing that popped to mind.

  81. Hank
    January 16th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    RE: Mark Trail. Okay…who here believes that, in real life, the police let suspects go free just because the suspect’s friend tells them someone else confessed? Hello? Anyone? Anyone?

  82. Jnoble
    January 16th, 2008 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    “That’s the answer! Jungle Patrol” is now my own little inside personal joke to say or think at random people and or events. Feel free to do the same.

  83. Josh
    January 16th, 2008 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    #76 Jack — I’m pretty sure Sam and Gloria aren’t sitting next to each other — there’s a desk between them. The shift in background colors is a break between panels, and we’re seeing them from different angles, if you follow me.

    Speaking of weirdo German beers involving non-beer components, has anyone ever had Berliner Weisse? Basically a sort of weak, sour bear with a shot of flavored syrup (usually raspberry or some kind of greenish goop) mixed in. I’m not a big beer drinker, but this was a fave of mine when I lived in Berlin a few years back. I have no idea if anyone outside of Berlin drinks it or if its purely a local thing.

    Josh

  84. gleeb
    January 16th, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    8: Well, it’s not like the late President Adams is going to be using his hair.

  85. blueberrygrrrl
    January 16th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Beer and M&Ms is one thing. Warm beer and M&Ms takes this to a whole other level of FW-brand misery. I know chilled mugs are too much to expect from an XY-chromosome character, but will someone please get this man an ice bucket?

  86. bats :[
    January 16th, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    83. Josh: when Mr. bats and I toured the Buweiser brewery in Ft. Collins a few years ago, one of the offerings at its hospitality room was a “shot” of one of three flavors added to a draft Bud (or Michelob, or Bud Light); the company was currently test-marketing this stuff.
    Mr. bats thought it was crap and told one of the employees, and the response was, “Yeah, we’re hearing a lot of that.” I think the bottom line is if one wants a fruit-flavored beer like raspberry, the flavor is best and less Kool-Aid if the berries are in it from the start, not as an afterthought.
    Since we’re not tavern-attendees, I have no idea whether this idea ever made the Big Time.

  87. Mooncattie
    January 16th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    #83 Josh – A somewhat curmudgeonly gent who I believe hails from what was East Germany writes a very entertaining series of pages on beer stuff in Europe. He describes Berliner Weisse as: A beer brewed with a hybrid yeast/lactic acid bacteria fermentation, it has a delicious and refreshing sourness unique in Germany (with the exception of Leipziger Gose). It can be difficult to appreciate for those not used to sour beers. Maybe impossible is more accurate. To disguise the challenging acidity, it’s often drunk with a dash of syrup, which leaves it bright green (with woodruff) or red (raspberry). In style, it’s closer to the wheat beers of Belgium, which are also sourish, than the spicy South German variety. The strength is also unusual for germany: only 9% plato or 2.5% – 3.5%. It’s usually rare to find anything under 4.5%. A wonderful and unique drink – do please try it without the syrup. The sourness may take some getting accustomed to, but it’s worth it to appreciate the full subtlety and complexity of the flavour
    More info for the thirsty among us can be found by Googling “berlin pub guide” (I’m lousy with hyperlinks).

    I haven’t tried it, but was led to believe while in Germany for a holiday last year that it was a local treat that was best left to Berliners.

    My Berlin friend Ute decided that my first night in Berlin last year should be spent at a wonderful new concept in local dining – an American-style diner called “The Sixties”, where you could get cheeseburgers, milkshakes, and Miller Lite Beer! She was horrified when I ordered a Berliner Kindl – why would I want to drink something so awful? I guess it was the German equivalent of Miller Lite!

  88. dyslexic dog
    January 16th, 2008 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Warning: further unfair Sam Driver snark.

    #34 SecretMargo:

    Anti-climax: the annihilation of Mr. Driver’s antiparticle upon entering a black hole.

  89. Eloise at the Plaza
    January 16th, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    # 68 Kodijack – Sam is leaning back in the last panel because he is savoring the aroma of his own unwashed post-coital ‘pits.

  90. ChattyGenes
    January 16th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    #60 True Fable. #74 Poteet.

    (For others here: I had the same sadistic band director mentioned by Poteet.)

    For my part, I wish I could go back in time and dump the sadistic band director and band, and join the A Capella choir!

  91. A Monkey's Uncle
    January 17th, 2008 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    I don’t usually follow 9CL too closely, but I had to be amazed by the amount of dialogue McEldowney fit into it. So what is this lady trying to say though? Dress like a tramp and men will give you everything you want?

  92. Spyglass
    January 17th, 2008 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    I misread the ampersand in panel two of Funky Winkerbean as a lower-case i, which led me to compose this little poem:

    ‘Twas funky, and the winkerbean
    Did make some snacks for the bereaved
    All MiMsy were the beerogoves
    And the mome raths outgreaved.

    (Long-time reader, first-time poster. Hi!)

  93. Ginger Yellow
    January 17th, 2008 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    So, um, what’s wrong with beer and M&Ms?

  94. B
    January 17th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Homer: I need a pick-me-up, do you have any of that beer with floating peices of candy in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
    Apu: Such a product has never existed, sir.
    Homer: Ok, then just give me a six pack of Duff and a bag of skittles.

  95. Carly
    January 17th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    I so hope this means plenty of double entendre hijinks in Judge Parker, as Randy tries to explain to Sam that he wasn’t talking about law firm partners, exactly.

  96. Buck Ripsnort
    January 17th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Apropros FW, I’d just like to say chocolate and beer is a disgusting combo. I tried a Sam Adams’ Chocolate beer and it tasted like ipecac. And if those are PEANUT M&Ms, it’ll still taste awful, because FW is the opposite of Flavor Country.

  97. Buck Ripsnort
    January 17th, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    And in today’s FC, PJ borrows Cathy Guiswhite’s sweatdrop-sprinkler.

  98. JPool
    January 17th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    OK, I know the Phantom exists in some parallel universe Africa, where urban poverty isn’t so much of a problem, but what’s up with the imagined racial dynamics here? Did colonialism never happened, or something? What happened in this settler woman’s life, who grew up on some sort of Connecticut horse farm plopped down onto some land (that I’m sure was just lying around) in the Savannah, that she ended up waitressing in some sort of diner/fancy hotel lobby.

  99. Burning Prairie
    January 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    JP-so his secretary is Mrs. O’Whipple?

  100. Burning Prairie
    January 17th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    What I meant to say was: JP-so his secretary is Mrs. Whiggins?
    Not the wife of the toilet paper guy.

  101. j.
    January 17th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Career is a verb, it’s a synonym for ‘swerve’. As in, careering wildly out of control, not inappropriate for someone married to The Ghost Who Walks.

  102. Korvo
    January 17th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    SecretMargo: thanks for the closure. I can sleep now, safe in the knowledge that I’ve missed not one non-scintillating moment in the A3G universe.

    On the fruit and beer issue: has anyone else heard of lambic? It is from Belgium, and it is delicious!

  103. Full Batch
    January 17th, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    # 81 Hank: Maybe in Canada, where this story seems to be occurring…
    # 96 Buck Ripsnort: I had that Sam Adams chocolate at a ball game about ten years ago, and thought it was pretty good (especially after the fourth one). Now SA’s Cranberry Alembic brew…YECH!
    # 98 JPool: Also, I think the Phantom’s AlternaAfrica has tigers.

  104. SecretMargo
    January 17th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    102: OMG, I love lambic! A restaurant in Japan I went to all the time offered it. Heavenly, especially the “framboise”! I was always tempted to drink them five at a sitting so I could say I preferred to get drunk in lambic pentameter.

  105. Wynne
    January 19th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, Kay, but either your memories of the jungle have been switched in your mind with your memories of Lassie reeruns, or else you grew up in the smal prairie town of Jungle, Nebraska.

Comments are closed for this post.