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MISS BRANT! MISS BRANT, WHY HAVE I BEEN WHITEWASHED FROM EXISTENCE?

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Spider-Man, 7/12/12

There are several reasons why I’m boycotting the new Amazing Spider-Man movie. (Remember kids, when you’re an Important Public Figure like me, “don’t feel like seeing” becomes “boycotting.”) For one thing, the first installment of the Sam Raimi-directed series came out when I was a gainfully employed adult, which means that it couldn’t have been long ago enough for a reboot, because what, do I look old to you? Do I?? But, more importantly, the new movie is, for incomprehensible reasons, completely J. Jonah Jameson-free. Maybe it’s because the filmmakers decided that nobody could top J.K. Simmons’ interpretation of the character, or maybe it’s because they’re morons, because J. Jonah Jameson is the best thing about the Spideyverse and even his ill-drawn newspaper version is hilarious. Is he “raising the roof” to signify his grudging concession of a living wage to his freelancers in panel two? Haha, JJJ FOREVER. If you miss him in the movies, you can follow him on Twitter.

Dennis the Menace, 7/12/12

Whoa, let’s not be hasty, Dennis. How do you know he’s not both? Are you saying that vampires lack the sense of impartiality and fair play necessary to be good umpires? Prejudice is the real menace in today’s society, Dennis.

Apartment 3-G, 7/12/12

That weird white quarter-circle at the bottom of panel two — that’s … that’s supposed to be Nina’s ass, isn’t it? You know, if you find yourself troubled by unwanted erotic thoughts about extremely pregnant women and would like to put a stop to them using aversion therapy, today’s Apartment 3-G would be a great place to start.

343 responses to “MISS BRANT! MISS BRANT, WHY HAVE I BEEN WHITEWASHED FROM EXISTENCE?”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Tommie: “No, you shut up… you… you bubble butt!”

  2. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    MT: It looks like Mark got Mike Harris’ plane as spoils of war.

  3. nescio
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    BGSS: Someone fed Food Of The Gods to Tater.

    MT: It won’t necessarily be a better shot if get the animal’s face. Panel 2 demonstrates this.

    Pluggers: Does this apply to men or just women?

  4. sporknpork
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Nina’s delivering that ass-baby doggy style, literally.

  5. wossname
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MT – I suppose it’s too much to hope that Elizabeth Chavez and Mike Harris escaped from custody and are now flying around, hunting down Mark’s family.

    Pluggers – Does anyone here believe that the suggester’s name is really Stumpy Stump?

    RMMD – Damn, that Rex is a great doctor! He just cured Iris of alcoholism by, um, offering her a drink. Didn’t even need the smelling salts.

    DT – OK, I’m all for onomatopeia, but what is KL-CHIT supposed to represent? Does Mr. Crime have some kind of gun that requires KL-CHITting between BAMs?

    Bizarro – took me a second to get it, but then I giggled.

    Lio – You know, an exploding flower could make for an excellent crossover with Cul de Sac.

    Luann – Luann needs to spend a week or two watching “Game of Thrones.” Say it, Luann – “Life is brutal.”

  6. Liam
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MT-Mark is coming home after stealing Mike Harris’ plane. Mark’s arrival will spook the ram into charging for three miles and goring Rusty.

    A3G-Is that Nina’s “O” face in the first panel?

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: Vampire umpire! Three STAKES you’re out! ::sound of a chair being kicked over, rope straining::

  8. sporknpork
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    J. Jonah Jameson looks like Hitler as envisioned by mid-90′s Duracell ad executives.

  9. Tom the Sailor Man
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail – “Turn around; if I can get your face it’ll be a better shot!”

    Even the sheep doesn’t want to see that.
    Man, I miss Dingo.

  10. Dennis Jimenez
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    S-M – Hum – Only on the funny pages does anybody sport a Charlie Chaplan ‘stache – what’s up with that?

    DtM – Twilight of DtM….

    A3G – Fuck – I’m gonna need therapy if you don’t get me way from this strip….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  11. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#5): re: Luann: I’m simultaneously reading and watching Game of Thrones. If you think the show is brutal, you know nothing, Wossname!

  12. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Wait, if that’s Nina’s butt, and both of her hands are holding the pillow, and she’s really got a 9-month pregnancy belly, wtf is holding her face up off the floor? But she’s levitating anyway, isn’t she? Unless Tommie and Scott are standing in holes like whack-a-mole?

  13. wossname
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#11): Actually, I’ve never seen the show – I’m taking Dawn Weston’s word for it.

  14. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    “Mark Trail – “Turn around; if I can get your face it’ll be a better shot!”” – this line also works for A3G. On more than one level.

  15. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Who wants to see Nina’s baby zing out and whop Scott in the head?

  16. But What Do I Know?
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    ASM — If anyone can get a hernia lifting a memory stick, it’s Peter Parker. . .

  17. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#13): Then I’ll have to explain. There was no slight intended for you. There’s a character in the 2nd season who follows every statement with “You know nothing, John Snow!”

  18. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Spiderzero: Triple-J is upping Peter’s rate? Is Parker again a freelance photographer? I thought he got a regular, salaried position at the Bungle somewhere in the recent past. And with the way Jameson is reaching for Parker, is he offering to help develop that hernia through means best not contemplated?

  19. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    I meant, “Who wants to see Nina’s baby zing out and whop Scott in the head?” in the sense of, “I know I do!” not in the dismissive sense.

  20. pastordan
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Mysteries of the universe explained! JP: Who’s more selfish, stubborn and entitled than a hammer-wielding pot grower? A Hollywood executive! (Also answers the question: Who’s duller than a bag of hammers?)

    A3G: Who’s more selfish, stubborn and entitled than a Hollywood executive? Nina! (Also answers the question: Whose ass most resembles a compass-drawn circle?)

    OBH: Who’s more selfish, stubborn and entitled than Nina? Ruthie! (Also answers the question: Who’s more violent? (Judges would also accept “Luann” on a day when she’s not being mopey, which is most of them.))

    Still left to be answered: why Andy Capp is still in the papers.

  21. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    MT: What is that plane doing here?

    You mean, in the sky? Flying? Like planes do?

    That plane is in the divebomber position. It’s either going to crash, or it’s going to bomb Rusty back to the stone age – which admittedly won’t take many bombs.

  22. pastordan
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#10): You know who else wore a Charlie Chaplain mustache? Hitler!

    No, I don’t why that’s funny, either.

  23. Braniff
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    DtM: Or should I say Star Wars: The Umpire Strikes Back–featuring Dennis the Phantom Menace!!!

  24. sporknpork
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    If you remove all the dialogue, it looks like J. Jonah Jameson is mocking Peter’s ears.

  25. Doctor Handsome
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    “I’m not kidding, Parker. If I don’t see any organs protruding through your abdominal wall, you can just go flush your exclusive close-up photos of this marketable story down the toilet.”

  26. RavenHawk
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Lynn (#15): Who wants to see Nina’s baby zing out and whop Scott in the head?

    *****
    Personally, I would like to see it come out of her chest, like in Alien.

    Let’s see you “pant, pant, pant, groan” your way out of that one, Nina.

  27. McManx
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace — If the umpire is a vampire, I guess in context Dennis is Renfield. Thus Joey is Mina Harker? It all makes sense somehow….

    Dick Tracy — Well DT is about one more “KL-CHIT” away from eliminating its whole supporting cast of crooks. Next week: Dick Tracy, Crossing Guard.

    Hazel — No one usually snarks this classic comic, but I couldn’t help but see a similarity to today’s panel and the earlier Marmaduke. This Curmudgeon’s not big enough for two giant bone crunching dogs, partner.

    Judge Parker — “I don’t have to explain myself to you Shorty…We’re closed!” Pardon me madam, but with all that drop-flap-tit-waving you got going on, I assumed you were open…VERY open.

    Mark Trail — Jesus, what is Rusty trying to do? Set up a POV sex tape?

    Nancy — Aunt Fritzi swim suit alert!

    Pluggers — “You are a plugger if… you look like Paul Von Hindenburg.”

    Ziggy — It’s funny, because Ziggy’s parrot is dead… (Apologies to John Cleese).

  28. Kimble
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    I take C-section call Monday through Friday for my local hospital. 3G has to be the BEST cornball story-line I’ve ever read!

  29. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#13): After consideration, Dawn & Dave were actually dating. Also unlike Dawn & Dave, Luann never has to see Quill again if she doesn’t want to. So instead of watching Game of Thrones, she should watch something more subdued like Game of Rugby. It’s still brutal, but it’s less time committment.

  30. Lenoxus
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    My main objection to the new Spiderman movie is that they didn’t have the guts to imitate the corresponding comics reboot and cast a nonwhite actor for the lead. But no JJJ is a good reason too! (Cue a one-upping battle of boycotting the film for increasingly socially-conscious reasons. Just kidding, I hope.)

  31. hcv
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    J. K. Simmons is the greatest That Guy From That Show since Stephen Tobolowsky. Cave Johnson rules.

  32. UncleJeff
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    For what a full-body perspective of today’s A3G would look like: a New York artist did a sculpture of a nude Britney Spears giving birth on her knees and elbows.
    The guy had earlier done a sculpture of a topless Michelle Obama.
    Yeah, one of “those” guys.
    Anyway, more (and images) can be found on the Internet but I lack the talent or the will to put that NSFW image on the CC.
    You’re welcome.

  33. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MT: I predict evil airborne poachers. Mark will punch them right out of the sky! They’re probably using one of them Capissen 38 engines, anyway.

  34. TheDiva
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#5): How can something like Game of Thrones exist in the perpetually non-sexual world of Luann? Do the brothel scenes take place with people standing around awkwardly and occasionally making a mildly suggestive comment?

    A3G: Good on Nina. Nothing is more annoying than being talked to like you’re a dog, especially while in labor.

    SM: Maybe the creators of Amazing Spider-Man saw Jameson’s hair and panicked. “It’s spiky and flat on top and scaly on the sides! Even our best makeup effects experts are baffled!”

  35. Esther Blodgett
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    JP: I’m a totally straight woman, but…I am strangely attracted to the plump, curvy Beatrice. *note to self: delete that before posting*

    DtM: Vumpire?

    PBS: It’s OK, Pig. I own that jacket you’re wearing. Power to the fringe!

    S-M: Peter looks rather pleased at the prospect of a hernia. “Hmmm…I wonder how many days on the couch one of those babies will buy me?”

  36. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Spidermess: Every paper in town? This being NYC, that’s a lot of papers. Most of them are non-mainstream, niche publications with lower paid but apparently more competent photographers. I laugh at JJJ for being scooped by the free Apartments For Rent circular and the Porn Biz Weekly, who ran it with a story about the rapidly expanding clown fetish niche market.

  37. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    GT: At last we know what’s wrong with Steve: he graduated.

    And so the Dustin/Gil Thorp cross-over begins.

  38. Hibbleton
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: Considering the sparseness with which this pair have furnished their apartment, Nina’s about to give birth on an army cot. Tommie’s look turns sullen as she realizes these skinflints are not likely to give her much of a tip.

  39. Marc
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Luann- I sincerely hope that Daddy DeGroot is using all that Aussie slang to taunt his daughter about her not-a-boyfriend that she kissed three times has been banished to Australia forever. Pretty stupid method to cheer her up, but a great way to be a dick and stick it to his unlovable offspring.

    Cranky- I accept full responsibility for the atrocity that is today’s crankshaft. Yesterday I suggested, without thinking, that Crankshaft wouldn’t be so miserable about the heat if he didn’t dress like it was the middle of december. So what happens? Today we are greeted with that. I promise to never again suggest that Crankshaft wear less clothing for as long as I live.

    Mark Trail- I see the judge has already dismissed the flimsy case against Mike Harris and he has decided to take his bush plane and get the hell out of that ass backward hick town, never to return.

    Mary Worth- That weird smile smile on Wilbur’s face in panel 2 is going to haunt me.

    A3G- “Stop giving me positive reinforcement! Those are your rules, not mine! And as you know I play by nobody’s rules but my own.”

    Dennis- For anyone who may have been on the fence, it’s official. Joey is an idiot. No wonder his parents never want him around forcing him to become a latchkey kid. Joey would give Jeffy Keane a pretty good run for his money in a dumbass-off to see who the most dimwitted kid on the comics pages is.

    9CL- So what ex sister what’s her face is saying is that Amos has been a mopey, monkey faced, toolbag his whole life? Makes sense.

    Funky- Pipe down back there! Unless you want a walking stick through the eye. Actually, go ahead keep talking.

  40. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34): In Game of Thrones, Cersei and Jamie are brother and sister and lovers. Luann and Brad are brother and sister and make unsettling innuendo. So yeah, the analogy holds.

  41. wossname
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#29): Well, we don’t know that Dawn and Dave were actually dating. More than one Mudgeon has suggested that Dawn saw Dave across the room in chemistry class (or whatever it is she’s studying) and started drawing hearts and “Dawn + Dave” on her notebook. So it’s possible that Luann and Quill’s sorta almost groping on the bed is a whole lot more than ever happened between Dawn and Dave. OTOH, Luann might do better watching old Roadrunner cartoons to see life being brutal. (And as far as the “you know nothing,” I assumed it was something like that.)

  42. Voshkod
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    There’s a scene in The Last King of Scotland in which Idi Amin, suffering from great stomach pains, thinks he’s been poisoned. His pain is relieved with a massive burst of flatulence. I’d love to see that play out in A3G right now.

    “Push, Nina!,” Tommie says before a thunderous noise erupts. A blast of methane pushes Tommie and what’s his name back against the wall.

    “Huh. Guess she wasn’t pregenant at all.” Then three panels of awkward silence.

  43. Marc
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#36): But what he’s not telling everyone is that over the years in the Spideverse, the Daily Bugle merged with the Times, Post, Globe, Herald, Jewish News, and Hot Sex Weekly to become New York’s number one newspaper.
    So being beaten out by all of the other papers is really sad.

  44. TheDiva
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Cranky is looking to make the People of Wal-Mart blog.

    FW: Summer smiled to herself. The way the old man was going, he’d never make it to the summit. She might not have to arrange the “accident” after all.

    Luann: The only place I know of where Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman intersect on the Venn diagram is Baz Luhrman’s Australia, which would have the advantage of making Luann forget her pain by putting her to sleep. If she’s extra lucky she’ll drop off right after the dance scene where Jackman is all cleaned up and smoking hot, a sight guaranteed to inspire good dreams. (In other news, Frank hopes to cure his daughter’s heartbreak by cruelly rubbing her nose in it.)

    MT: Oh no, the killers from the last arc have escaped and are getting revenge by taking out Mark’s family! And by “oh no” I mean “Sweet, Rusty’s gonna get strafed!”)

    MW: He’s right, Dawn! For example, you can learn how much force it would take to lift Wilbur over that railing and pitch his fat ass into the drink!

  45. Crankenstank
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    I’d still be very afraid, given that home plate is apparently oriented towards the backstop. Something is wrong, deeply wrong.

  46. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    I agree with Josh in that it’s too soon for a Spiderman reboot. I was at an amusement park recently, and there was a little “80s Botique”. Back in the 80s, we called it “a store”. But aside from the realization that I’m old, there was a definitive style for that decade that is now free to be mocked/appreciated. Can’t say as much for the 00s, it’s just too soon.

    I also don’t need to have the tale recanted of how a radioactive spider bites Peter Parker, and he goes “Gosh! I can climb on walls and stuff!” And then there’s tragedy in his family and sob sob sob. In the 1989 Batman movie, there was very little time spent on the birth of Batman. So, watching things unfold in the reboot felt less like a reboot and more like a prequel.

  47. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    80s. Men in three piece suits. Mmmm.

  48. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids up: Retro style!

    An example of the previous version of PCK from a few years ago. In this one, Bobby Mibbit (whose hairstyle had to change — into what’s normally in the webcomic version — once I saw Lio.) is frustrated by advertising…

  49. geekwhisperer
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MW I think we really are heading to an Italian cruise ship disaster here. I really do. And by “Italian cruise ship disaster” I’m of course referring to Wilbur’s shirt.

    MT This is how members of Al Queda go hunting.

  50. Pyzimber
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MW: Now’s your chance, Wilbur! Push her off the railing! Do it while everyone else is enjoying the free buffet!

  51. casino LF
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3G: If someone talks to me like a dog that finally learned to piddle outside while I am pushing out a child, I will END them.

    JP: What an entitled asshole Avery is. She doesn’t have to let you stay anywhere and you aren’t entitled to a reason why, either.

    RMMD: Hey, I know you’re kind of an alcoholic, but Imma open this bottle of wine to celebrate, right in front of you!

    9CL: Believe it or not, you actually *can* end up hating someone you’ve known since childhood! It’s physically, emotionally, and cosmically possible. I’ve done it!

  52. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MW: I hope that cruise ship has an incompetent Italian for a Captain………..I hope I hope I hope I hope…

    RMMD: These idiots forgot that you have to pay TAXES on that $25k….

  53. Stumpy Stump
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#5): “Pluggers – Does anyone here believe that the suggester’s name is really Stumpy Stump?”

    That’s my porn name. And that’s my porn-’stache.

  54. Stumpy Stump
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#5): You may have seen me in such notable films as “Wild & Wooly”, “Cheerleaders Who Ride the Hairy Catepillar” and “Got Milk?”

  55. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Another oversnarpologies type of day…

    S-M: If I had a newspaper, I wouldn’t want pictures of Clown 9 in my paper.
    He’s THAT ANNOYING!

    DtM: Joey clearly isn’t a horny teenaged girl.

    A3G: “Gee, we had no idea you were so busy doing the VERY THING we were COMMENTING ON in the first place, Nina!”

  56. Stumpy Stump
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Lynn (#47): I still have a 3 piece suit – and it still fits. When I got it in the early 80s, they were on the way out. Leave it to me to buy into a fashion trend at 14:58 of its 15 minutes of fame.

  57. Ian Beste
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    A3G Odd man out here, but I see it as the back of one of those folding plastic chairs you pull out for parties. Of course, in this case, Nina’s going to have to aim her deliverin’ parts so that her loin-spawn will shoot through the space between the seat and the back panel into Tommie’s bare (and, one hopes, freshly washed) hands. Oh, and Scott’s expression in the second panel: “Honey, please don’t be mean! I know I’m not too bright but still…”

  58. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    A3G: Either Frank Bolle has really forgotten how to draw people’s bottom halves, or this is really a Kardashian baby delivery. ~ TIRED “TOPICAL” ZING!

  59. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    My dear Stumpy, feel free to send me a hot picture of 80′s pornstache man in a 3-piece suit so I can re-live my pre-Plugger wild youth. By the way, there is a real movie called Wild and Wooly. Not porn, but it is Aaron Spelling, so – close.

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Lio: well, that explains where the carnivorous flower in CdS came from. (also, *golf clap*)

    PBS: that explains about half of Ron Paul’s supporters, actually.

    darnnit. The Chron is still a day behind. Off to TimesAlbany for the second half of the daily snark targets.

    Bizarro: /facepalm.

    Crank. no. just no.

    DT: SFx Fail on the shotgun racking.

    Mutts: o, NICELY done! *applaz*

    PMP: “they said there would be candy” *squick*

    RMMD: 12 Stepping Fail.

    RwO: and at closing time, she was jusssst right. . . .

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .anal. (again)

  62. Santa Royale With Cheese
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    S-M: Hot dog, a raise! Now I’ll just go to Laurel Hardy’s apartment… I mean Clown-9′s secret lair, and fill this camera UP!

    JP: Bea angry. Bea SMASH!

    JP 2: Casting called and said Tina Fey will be playing Bea in the movie but needs stunt boobs.

    JP 3: And never mind James Cameron, get Quentin Tarantino signed and you’ve got a “go” picture. Oh wait, they did that already, and it was called “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn”. On the up side, Bea will now be played by Salma Hayek.

    DtM: Of course that’s not a vampire… he’s not all sparkly! /ducks

  63. Pozzo
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Does the Bugle offer health insurance to cover Peter’s hernia, or will he just have to shore up his hernia with webbing and carry on?

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Popeye: Zounds! I, for one, applaud Sweet Pea’s use of the splendid minced oath “phooey”.
    Although I agree with Nero Wolfe’s preference for the spelling “phui”, it is good to see the tyke uphold tradition like that.

    So, fellow Mudges: What’s your favorite minced oath?

    // Great Googley Moogley! Cat got your tongue?

  65. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Rev. Mr. Scudder, ‘Phui’ is the European spelling for a very European oathy thing. I prefer Irish steel-cut oaths like ‘bad cess to ye’ but the all-purpose “Shoot!” is a common one. Let’s not mince words, however.

  66. Dood
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail could learn a lesson from midwife Tommie and pregnant Nina about good contractions.

  67. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Stumpy Stump (#53): Ok, I used to live in Fort Lauderdale, and there was a gay bar down the street named “Stumpy’s”.

    // To be fair, it was an ordinary bar from the late 1950′s, it went gay in the 1980′s I think, and didn’t bother to change its name. (And why should it? There was the big sign out front, and all those preprinted bar napkins, and the stationary, and the cool rubber address stamp with the built in refillable ink well…)

  68. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Godfrey Daniel! is my all-time favorite. But on the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia. Wait – I am in Philadelphia…

  69. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    “@Stumpy Stump (#53): Ok, I used to live in Fort Lauderdale, and there was a gay bar down the street named “Stumpy’s”…. To be fair, it was an ordinary bar from the late 1950?s, it went gay in the 1980?s I think, and didn’t bother to change its name.” Poor Stumpy, his suit went out of style and his bar went gay at the same time. Should have let the gay guys pick out your suits, Stump.

  70. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  71. Dood
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Wouldn’t it be cool if J. Jonah Jameson took over Bill Ellis’ Woods & Wildlife magazine? “What’s this, Trail? You thought this crap would make a really good story?”

  72. Anonymous
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    SPIDEY : Right on, Josh – even though the ASM requel takes place in Peter Parker’s high school years, they could’ve thrown in JJJ in some capacity. Those superhero movies are always chipping in ancillary characters that are references to major players in future films. (Dylan Baker as Dr. Curt Connors was in ‘Spider Man 3′; Billy Dee Williams as Harvey Dent in the first ‘Batman’)

  73. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): The other day I heard an expression I had never heard before and will probably never hear again. Someone said, “Oh puddle ducks!”

    // Why a puddle would have to duck is beyond me.

  74. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    ASM ‘Why does every paper in town have a picture of Clown-9 except mine?’
    Good question, since his whole theatre attack was supposedly broadcast live on television. Of course, since JJJ still thinks that his photographers have to carry around rolls of film instead of memory cards, the concept of using a still image from TV would probably blow his mind.

    A3G So is Nina wearing white pants too (part of the uniform?), or does she have such an extreme sense of modesty that her torso has never seen the light of day, giving her the ass of an albino?

    MW “First, let’s have a lesson in microbial biology. I’ve drawn a series of amoeba on my shirt….”

  75. Dennis Jimenez
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#22): The Onion in History had a newspaper with the headline something like, “Chaplinesque Rapscallion Elected Chancellor of German – (Subhead) Antics Promise Years of Fun Ahead….

  76. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Lynn (#65): And Irish is not European? Anyway, I’ve always liked “bad cess to ye” but I’m not sure what a “cess” is. Don’t they make pools out of it?

  77. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#42):

    Is it too late to start a Kickstarter campaign to make that ending a reality? Because I would pay good money for that.

  78. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    I sort of understand Nina berating her fellow members of the Cult-of-the-White-Shirt. I run marathons. The first 20 miles, it’s great to see crowds cheering you on. The next 6.2, it’s increasingly annoying to hear “Good job!” or “Lookin’ great!” from someone who has been sitting down drinking coffee for 3 hours. I don’t visciously snap at them “Can’t you see I’m busy??” But then again, I’m not subject to the noxious blend of hormones that are released when your body begins to squirt a baby through your hoo-hoo.

  79. Esther Blodgett
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#73): I’ve said that! Are you stalking me, Sequitur?

  80. Ian Beste
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): I can’t hear “great googley moogley” without also hearing a Frank Zappa guitar riff behind it.

  81. btown
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    JP: has anybody else noticed the resemblance between Avery Blackstone and Plastic Man’s sidekick Woozy Winks?

  82. Ian Beste
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#78): Yuck!..oh wait, you said “hoo hoo” not “Yoohoo.” That’s okay then.

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

  84. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#80): @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): I can’t hear “great googley moogley” without also hearing a Frank Zappa guitar riff behind it.

    My work here is done.

  85. missal
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: You know, I was there when my daughter was born … and I sure don’t remember my wife saying “Pant pant” … (And if I had said something as lame as “Good work, sweetie” with an idiot’s smile on my face, she would’ve clocked me.)

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    DtM: Well unless you kids are playing a night game, duh!

    A3G: Nina doesn’t feel like chatting while Scott and Tommie take turns doggie-styling her. Was something else going on? I’ve forgotten.

    MT: Somehow—and no doubt a facial-haired poacher is responsible—Rusty has picked up a manual on getting models to pose nude for you, and he’s using some of the lines on the bighorn. Eventually he would have gotten to “Show me something sexy” and “I’m sorry, the bra is throwing off the composition.” “Hey, an airplane” is Rusty improvising.

    MW: Still loving Wilbur’s shirt. Of course there’s a strong chance that someone on the cruise will suffer a sudden onset of seasickness and barf on it. The beauty part is that no one will notice the stains.

    WofI: And who doesn’t?

    C-Shaft: “Freak flag” means “wrinkled wang”, doesn’t it?

    Agnes: This summer camp has soiled blankets as tents and a reveille that starts with “you’re gonna die!” What’s not to like?

    SL: Hawthorne’s ideas are remarkably in tune with Krusty the Clown’s.

    BC: Yeah, Twinkies man. Dig it.

    Baldo: Not to be confused with the actual Underage Casino in Bangkok. Gary Glitter swears by it.

    JP: “Are you as turned on as I am?”
    “More.”

    BB: “I guess it would help if I turned this computer on. Get Gizmo so he can show me how.”

    DT: When you’re on the still-smoking scene of a police firefight and some of the criminals are still at large, it is perhaps not the best time to tell your wife that you’re glad she’s safe, because she isn’t. I mean as “tempting fate” lines go, that has to be somewhere in the top 20.

    GT: Steve spent four years at Tom Batiuk’s alma mater? I’m starting to see the problem.

    6C: Lipps Inc had high hopes for their follow-up single to “Funkytown”, but wound up disappointed.

    FC: “Meanwhile I’m short a finger on each hand. How is that fair?”

    Luann: Thank God the comics aren’t in audio, because I’m sure Frank’s Aussie accent would have driven my head into the wall.

    M-Dawg: Phil Hitler knows he’s too pretty for the big house.

    OBH: I love this.

    Archie: Presumably this is a demonstration of how the Lodges got rich in the first place.

  87. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#79): Maybe. But only in a good way.

  88. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#79): Puddle Ducks! That was you? Sorry.

  89. Dood
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Ralston Purina Checkerboard Square Sam is looking downright ineffectual.

  90. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    AD – Nnnnnnope. Not getting it. Twinkies? Hm. Nope.

    Beetle – This was actually done better by Mutt and Jeff a couple of days ago, in what may have been the thirties or forties. Jeff was fooling his boss by lugging the same load of cement up and down a ladder. Come to think of it, he outdid Dagwood with that one as well.

    Smirky – As they say in Uganda, “Hasa diga Winkerbean!”

  91. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#72): Not to mention the complete hash that the X-Men movies make of the group’s chronology, with Beast a generation older than Cyclops and Jean Grey, while Angel is the same age as Kitty Pryde.

    I know, I know, nerd alert.

  92. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    love is… – Shenanigans! With that facial expression, her two upper torso dots should be hyphens.

    Luann – Nothing left to do but cut your wrists, Lu!
    Wait. You call that a knife? That’s no knife!

    Hedge – Somewhere, Charles M. Schulz reflexively smiles in his sleep.

  93. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Ernesto will win and his opponent will have to take off his mask, and the audience will excitedly whisper, “Which one is that? Is that the policeman? He looks kind of like your cousin Chuy.”

    Pluggers – “I wonder that he does not put it to his nose, like a monkey, or ask me if it is something good to eat.” — Leonardo Da Vinci

    Rip – Dan Thompson replied at his blog. The strip hasn’t been updating because he’s been away from computers. Big relief: I was afraid I’d killed it.

  94. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Rev. Scudder, I didn’t mean I prefer Irish oaths because they aren’t European, but because they aren’t minced. Irish people, by the way, tell me that ‘bad cess’ is very very rude and they will not tell me what it means. I imagine it refers to some malfunction of one’s inner workings.

  95. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    SatAM“Did I MENTION that I haven’t had a TV set for the last EIGHT… no! TEN years?? And even then, I only ever watched news on it!!” [*]

    Family – “Mommy, this shirt has had an extra button since 1972.”
    (I once buttoned up a new shirt, and there was one more button down at the bottom. “Oh no!” I said, “I lost a button hole!”)

    Spider-Man – Panel 3: “Mommy, why is that one Muppet made out of leather?”

  96. Liam
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Love Is-Scratching her back the right way to get the seat wet.

    MT-It’s Ranger Smith looking for more that sweet sweet marijuana to “confiscate”.

  97. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#42): Then three panels of awkward silence.
    Finally, Scott says “Hey, look at the crazy negative silhouettes on the wall behind us!”

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): Although I agree with Nero Wolfe’s preference for the spelling “phui”
    “Pfui”

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#76): I’m not sure what a “cess” is.
    It’s “luck,” according to some James Clavell novel I read. Only — since it’s a foreign word — it’s a bazillion times more subtle, evocative, and meaningful than the exact same word in English. So, “Luuuuuuuuck.”

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#86): “Hey, an airplane” is Rusty improvising.
    It’s not entirely his fault. He saw an airplane, and Rusty is constitutionally unable to have a thought without saying it out loud. Mark hung around enough for that to rub off on him.

  98. btown
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: You’re a plugger if your ENTIRE BODY is covered with hair, or feathers, or scales – and you’re fat

  99. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    “I’m not sure what a “cess” is.
    It’s “luck,” according to some James Clavell novel I read.” I know it sounds that way, but judging by the Irish reaction to the phrase, I think it means more than that. I guess it would be bad luck to have cess thrown on one, or have one’s own cess all bunged up or something.

  100. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Wikipedia says ‘cess’ is Irish slang for taxation. If the Irish feel about taxes as we Americans do, this still leaves me thinking that ‘cess’ is…

  101. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#35):

    S-M: Peter looks rather pleased at the prospect of a hernia. “Hmmm…I wonder how many days on the couch one of those babies will buy me?”

    There should totally be a t-shirt of Spidey holding up his hand and saying, “Sorry. Can’t. Hernia.”

  102. Fashion Police
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Stumpy Stump (#56): Three-piece suits are eternal. They may go out of fashion but never out of style.

  103. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Mmmm. Men in three piece suits.

  104. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#66): “Good Contractions” is my favorite Beach Boys song.

  105. lorne
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Thank goodness Tommie references contractions in panel one today, because without the pregnancy context, that panel does not belong in a family newspaper.

  106. Fashion Police
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#74): When this episode began, Mrs. Gaine$ was wearing a skirt (a black one) – the straightest, tightest skirt ever seen on a pregnant woman.

  107. Charly
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#86):

    But Grevans HAS subjected us to audio of his strip! NEVER FORGET.

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#97): Pfui! You are right, and I am abashed. Senescence happened so gradually, I hardly noticed.

  109. Jason D.
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    My main problem with the new Spider-Man film? No Bruce Campbell. And also, as Josh mentioned, no Jameson.

    Therefore, the solution for the next film is clear: Bruce Campbell as JJJ!

  110. Liam
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    JP-Avery, did you see the giant hole in the porch as you walked in? Who knows what other hidden dangers are lurking in that place. That place is probably in serious need of renovation.

    Spiderman-The joke is on Jameson. In this day and age of digital photography and with Parker’s proportional strength of a spider there is not enough pictures of Clown-9 in the world to give Peter a hernia.

  111. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Crank: Looking at those baggy shorts, I very much fear that soon his Freak Flag won’t be the only thing that’s flapping in the wind.

    NonSeq: Is it time for a crossover by Ted Forth yet?

    MW: “A person can learn so much from traveling!” Then can we please start with your fashion sense, Wilbur?

    Luann: She needs to stop her moping by watching a more cheerful flick about life in Australia. How about “On the Beach”?

    RMMD: I’m beginning to see why Rex had to send Foster to another doctor to treat his alcoholism.

    GT: Yep, it’s pretty clear from his enthusiasm in Panel One that Steve Boone is a Kent State alum, all the way. See you at the class reunion at Montoni’s, Steve!

    @Lynn (#103): I still have a Hart, Schaffner, and Marx 3-piece “Gold Trumpeter” suit from 1980. I don’t wear it much, though, because I’m embarrassed about how much better it has held up than I have.

  112. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Even Jove nods, Mr. Scudder, sir.

  113. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#74): ‘Why does every paper in town have a picture of Clown-9 except mine?’

    Every other paper had the brilliance to ask around and see if anyone got a cell phone shot of a wacko in a clown car. That’s got to be out of the ordinary, even in New York.

  114. Dood
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#104): Gotta keep those lovin’ good…contractions…a happenin’ with her

  115. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    “I still have a Hart, Schaffner, and Marx 3-piece “Gold Trumpeter” suit from 1980. I don’t wear it much, though, because I’m embarrassed about how much better it has held up than I have.” To paraphrase Nina, “Pant, pant, pant.” (Pant-suit?)

  116. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    MT – LOOK, Sassy! It’s…Dee Plane! Dee plane!! (As a new group of guests, each preoccupied with their own individual issues, prepare their arrival by plane in FANTASY FOREST, the head mutant dwarf on staff prepares to personally greet each of them and take their picture for them to keep as a personal momento after leaving the resort. That is, if they are ever lucky enough to eventually LEAVE Fantasy Forest before being victimized by the locals and found six months later tied to dead tree stumps somewhere along the Fantasy Forest river bank! Come to think of it….IT WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY, and just MAYBE, even a TV series!) Oh, sorry, since that’s already been done it would be no different than running recycled Mark Trail stories over and over again and again and, what strip is this again? Opps…..never mind!

  117. The Ridger
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    B&C: Okay, I generally find the Weingartens’ cartoon strip dull-to-boring, but today’s is funny. [Or would be except for the last panel. Yes, we have heard of Google. We don't need you to remind us of it.]

  118. The Ridger
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#5): I suppose it’s too much to hope that Elizabeth Chavez and Mike Harris escaped from custody and are now flying around, hunting down Mark’s family. Yes, it is – but I really hope so, too. I suppose it’s just another poacher.

  119. Agoraphobic Turtle
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    So Joey’s the one scared of a supposed monster when he’s the one with three extra legs and four extra feet, not to mention the ability to turn his head 180 degrees? Man, sometimes I just don’t understand this comic strip.

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Lynn (#112): Oh. Thanks. I guess. “Homer nods,” I think it is. Now get off my lawn.

    // Oh, colon hyphen right parenthesis.

  121. Erikios
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G : “Yes dear, I can see you’re very busy…..making an ASS of yourself! BWAHAHAHA!”

  122. Shrug
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#32):

    More information about information can be found on the Internet.

    (More information about the Internet can be found on the Internet.)

  123. bbofun
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @casino LF (#51): Actually, not to be “that guy”, but Avery’s kinda right here. He made a reservation over the internet. True, her internet was down, but she knew that, and that some people might try to make reservations. This is her business. At the very least, she should be trying to find them other accommodation. (I assume she doesn’t want them there for other reasons than just sheer orneriness, though.) (Proud of myself for using “orneriness”- but wondering if “cussedness” would be better.)

    And, as long as I’m being “that guy”- Josh? It’s “Brant”. Betty Brant, assuming you’re referencing JJJ’s secretary.

  124. Bill Peschel
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Oh the comics today are such a delight.

    Amos is being a dick, as usual, and a wimpy one at that.

    Crankshaft’s even funnier after reading about how baby boomers are sucking the financial life force out of younger generations. Freak flag, indeed.

    And in Luann, Papa DeGroot’s surprise taunting of his hot-and-bothered daughter is running neck-and-neck with Rex “cure alcoholism with a drink” Morgan. Didn’t think he had it in him.

  125. mollificent
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    See? SEE? I told you!

  126. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MT – EVERYONE here today who has followed the previous Mark Trail story thinks the same exact thing…..THAT’S BUSH PILOT MARK HARRIS AND THE WIDOW CHAVEZ IN THAT PLANE! Well, I hate to burst any bubbles but, that is not Bush Pilot Harris OR his plane. (Besides, Harris’ plane had those float plane things under it so it could land on water.) …THAT plane happens to be Jackelrod’s private airplane. He’s finally come all the way from his private villa in Tahiti to see for himself WHY so many people have been constantly complaining to their local newspapers about how rediculiously written and poorly drawn the Mark Trail stories have become since outsourcing the entire operation to some Hindu firm working out of a cardboard box studio somewhere in Bengali.

  127. Calico
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#27):
    Speaking of Cleese, 3G is turning into The Ministry of Silly Births.

  128. Cal
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Jim’s Journal: Jim is Westview on steroids. Pure existential ennui.

    This week’s DB, OTOH, is pure gold.

  129. Steve the Pocket
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: I haven’t been keeping up. Are they supposed to have on sterile lab coats that they just happened to have lying around, or are they literally all wearing white due to colorist laziness by sheer coincidence?

  130. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – My God I love this strip.

    A3G – What this reminds me most of is weird fetish webcomics made in Poser, where every pose is stiff and lifeless, characters stare straight ahead with dead eyes, and all the dialogue sounds like the kinds of things space aliens would say to try and blend into a crowd of porn extras. It’s a bit uncanny, really.

    DT – That last panel doubles as the cover for Panda’s new album, Straight Outta Late ’90s Gangsta Rap.

    Dilbert – Zing.

    FW – Did they actually go to Africa? Maybe they just flew to California for a weekend vacation package with black men who spout little snippets of foreign languages at you. (Which would explain why he’s wearing Crocodile Dundee’s hat.)

    GT – Oh, he went to college in Batiukland? No wonder he’s so dour.

    HOTC – Heart, if you really want him to pay attention, go for an earlier James Cameron movie. What aspiring young actress wouldn’t want to pretend to be Sigourney Weaver?

    JP – “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Shorty, not with jugs like these! YAH! BREAST LAUNCH!”

    Lola – NNGH.

    Luann – I suggest we extradite Greg Evans to Australia with this strip plastered to his forehead.

    MT – He’s making sheep porn, isn’t he?

    MW – For instance, you can learn that whatever Wilbur does, says, or wears, you should never, ever do in a million years.

    OBH – Nick, sir, you are my hero.

    PBS – What the hell, that’s the most inspiring thing I’ve heard this election cycle.

    Phantom – “Oh, and: I vant to suck your blood.”

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#122): more information on information on the internet can be found on The Comics Curmudgeon.

  132. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#127): I’d like to see the British officer step in front of the scene and proclaim, “This is silly. Come on, get out. Out. Come on out, all of you. Get off, go on, all of you. Go on, move, move. Go on, get out. Come on, get out, move, move.”

  133. Hollasa
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    I had assumed that Nina was sitting up in a chair to give birth, and that was the back of the chair.

    Makes no sense, but who ever demanded that in a story?

  134. Erikios
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman: “I put my hands up in the air sometimes! Saying Par-ker, where’s my pho-tos!”

    RMMD: “It’s your choice…it’s your money…(scheming grin) say how about some wine or some other alchoholic drink, take your mind of everything–and I do mean EVERYTHING.”

    3G: To requote my previous comment: “Yes dear, I can see you’re VERY busy….making an ASS of yourself! Bwahahaha!”

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#126): “rediculiously written”

    Steve, Steve, Steve…

  136. Shrug
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64):

    “So, fellow Mudges: What’s your favorite minced oath?”

    I have been known to (over)use “Squid and petunias!”

    This fact can even be documented in a ten-year-old entry in my wife’s blog, the great “Squirrel” in the attic epic:

    http://www.joyofwine.net/thrips/year2001/nov01.htm#letter2

    I’m also partial to “Aardvark Ratnik!” and (when feeling exceptionally bawdy) “Frog farts!”

    Really.

  137. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#5), @Stumpy Stump (#54): Stumpy is one of the Seven Dwarfs, along with Soupy, Poofy, Gimpy, Mopey, Poopy and Elwood.

  138. Shrug
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#73):

    “The other day I heard an expression I had never heard before and will probably never hear again. Someone said, “Oh puddle ducks!” ”

    Was this by any chance spoken by a Canadian? Thirty years ago when I was visiting British Columbia I was charmed by the appearance at the local liquor outlet of a product called “Fuddleduck.” I was told the name was a reference to a copout on the part of a Canadian politicians (possibly Pierre Trudeau) who had been caught on camer mouthing something Very Nasty under his breath, and when confronted with claimed merely to have said “Oh, fuddleduck.”

  139. The Cynical One
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Aaaaaaand… back to preggo-erotica we went. Bravo.

  140. Shrug
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#74):

    “The Ass of an Albino” might be a good name for a punk band.

  141. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @casino LF (#51): The problem, re JP, is that they’re going about it the wrong way. They haven’t even begun to fling money around. Believe me, I’m well acquainted with some people running a struggling backwoods lodge, and flinging money at them would most certainly make them decide they could suddenly manage to accommodate you.

  142. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#127): Then Scott can stop offering encouragement to Nina and just make the noise of The Machine That Goes “Ping”.

  143. The Cynical One
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#5): @wossname (#5): Yeah, right? So we can all get that Mary Worth/Luann crossover that absolutely nobody is claiming for!

  144. Erikios
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Okay no one thinks my previous post was funny? Come on I think they’re a riot!

  145. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#137): Oh, that takes me back to the 1980′s when friends and I would sit around drinking and come up with alternate names for the Seven Dwarfs.

    // Once we did it while dressed in three-piece suits.

  146. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#136): By Grabthar’s hammer, those are good!

    // I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am gratified, how many Mudges know what a “minced oath” is. Great Caesar’s ghost, it makes me proud to be part of it.

  147. bats :[
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#44): re MT: yep. Was there any doubt that Mark’s adopted offspring wasn’t going to be the target for revenge?
    Rusty’s only chance for survival is to pull the bighorn sheep over him and hide in the craggy outcropping until the bad guys leave.
    Huh…this sounds a whole lot like the Odyssey. Never mind.

  148. odinthor
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#120):

    Right, mostly it is Homer who nods; but, in H.’s Iliad, Jove/Zeus does too, importantly to the plot:

    [Jove] spoke; and awful bends his sable brows;
    Shakes his ambrosial curls, and gives the nod […]

    (Alexander Pope translation, Book I, lines 683-684.)

  149. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Erikios (#144): Nina’s making an ASS of herself! Golly, and gee whilikers, that joke puts me on CLOUD NINE!

  150. Erikios
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Sarcasm recieved. -.-

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#148): You know, I dashed off a little verse the other day, about first looking into Chapman’s Homer, maybe you heard it… but Pope’s is really my favorite.

    // It’s quiet, here, in Darien,

  152. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#138): No, it was distinctly “Puddle ducks.” I know this because the person that was with the person who uttered the phrase, looked at the person and said (a la Maxwell Smart) “Puddle ducks?” The person who first said the phrase answered, “Yes. Puddle ducks.”

    They weren’t Canadian. No “eh” was spoken.

  153. bats :[
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Are you guys looking at my butt? DON’T LOOK AT MY BUTT! I’m warning you…pant pant…”

    JP: boy, howdy, can Manley draw curvy girls (and angry curvy girls, too). I swear if I looked that good half-dressed in overalls and a tank top, I’d seriously consider adding to my wardrobe…

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Erikios (#150): I’m here for you!

    // colon hyphen right parenthesis.

  155. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#153):

    I’d seriously consider adding to my wardrobe…

    A hammer?

  156. Marc
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#92):
    - “That’s not a knife….this is a knife!”
    - “That’s not a knife, that’s a spoon.”
    - “Alright, Alright. You win. I see you’ve played knifey-spoony before.”

  157. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Does the Rev. Mr. Scudder have sable brows and ambrosial curls? Doesn’t that mean the carpet doesn’t match the drapes? None the less, I will henceforth think of the Rev. Mr. Scudder this way.

    Jove nods.

  158. Hogenmogen
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur: Look at the brilliant blue water!

    Dawn: *Sigh!* Dave was made mostly of water.

    Wilbur: An adult male is about 60% water. See, you’re learning something!

  159. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Minced oaths: I have been known to say “Cow poodles” in extreme duress. The general idea is “bull frazeer” (that’s another one of my own.) Horsefeathers!

  160. Hibbleton
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Marm: “A man with a large dog forced his way onto the White House grounds today. When asked, he stated; ‘It was the dog’s idea.’”

  161. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#108): Senescence happened so gradually, I hardly noticed.
    Oh, I noticed, but then I forgot whatever it was.

  162. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#30): My main objection to the new movie is that they didn’t have the guts to imitate the corresponding comics reboot and cast a nonwhite actor for the lead.

    The nonwhite Spider-Man is from a parallel universe — like the gay Green Lantern everyone is talking about.

    @Marc (#39): I sincerely hope that is using all that Aussie slang to taunt his daughter about her not-a-boyfriend that she kissed three times has been banished to Australia forever. Pretty stupid method to cheer her up, but a great way to be a dick and stick it to his unlovable offspring.

    If Daddy DeGroot had “Daddy” Warbucks’ money, he could afford to send Little Orphan Luannie and her faithful dog Sandy Puddles on an Italian cruise. He could even spring for a mountain climbing expedition up Mt. Kilimanjaro. Accompanied by the trusty “Asp” (TJ) and “Punjab” (Ox), of course!

  163. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#100): As in the English translation of Rabelais: “In shitting yesterday I did know / The sess I to my arse did owe…”

  164. CanuckDownSouth
    July 12th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#138): no, no, you’re thinking of the “fuddle duddle” incident where Pierre Trudeau said *something* and I don’t think it’s been clear whether he was face-saving or the parliamentary recorder flat-out refused to write the F-word, so the official record says ‘fuddle duddle’. Wiki claims the recorder refusing to write a swear word is a myth.

    Yes, this is what passes for a Canadian political scandal.

  165. odinthor
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#157): Indeed, even to this day, many scholars have debated whether this statue at Olympia is a representation of Jove or of the Rev. Scudder. Ample recourse to Olympia should settle the question satisfactorily.

  166. boojum
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): It always bothers me when people pronounce “zounds!” to rhyme with ‘hounds’ instead of the original ‘wounds.” I’m also partial to “gadzooks” and “z’blood.” The remnants of a Shakespearean education.

    Minced oaths are, of course, big in the South. My mother’s only curse word was “flapdoodle” – which she never explained. And my sister – a true Southern Lady, Baptist Division – is always careful to say, when frustrated, “Oh… SUGAR!”

    Not truly a minced oath, but my own favorite curse is “Sweet Etta S. Onat!” (Say it long and slow, through clenched teeth. It’s fun!) Ms. Onat was the former head of the Graduate English Department at Yale, who wrote me a very snippy note informing me that it was not felt that I was “Yale material.” I decided that she was probably right, and that I could be inordinately proud of the fact. But her rudeness deserved permanent infamy.

  167. This Guy
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): I’ve been known to say “Oh, son of a diddly!” a time or several. “Frak,” of course, is popular among nerds.

  168. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Odinthor, for the photo of your fellow godhead, Mr. Scudder. He looks down benevolently upon us mere mudgeons.

  169. Snarkotix Addict
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#86): MW: Still loving Wilbur’s shirt. Of course there’s a strong chance that someone on the cruise will suffer a sudden onset of seasickness and barf on it. The beauty part is that no one will notice the stains.

    That someone would be Dawn – she looks like she’s about to hurl over the side.

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#165): I’ll get the first round, shall I?

    // I used to work out quite a bit. Then I discovered the metric system.

  171. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#166): I had thought that “wounds” was pronounced to rhyme with today’s word “sounds.” Of course, I can’t say I know it for a fact.

  172. Marc
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#167): Actually, I’ve also used “Son of a diddly” before. But everytime I do, I always do in a Ned Flanders voice.

  173. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Surely one of the most memorable minced oaths is W.C. Fields’ expletive: “Godfrey Daniel!”

  174. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#169): This is actually the lead-in to the big Drabble/Mary Worth crossover.

  175. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Hollasa (#133):

    A3G – Yes, I’m also seeing this as her sitting in a white chair with just her neck visible, the same way she has been the past several weeks. I’d back this up (!) by noting that the curve of her spine and the location of the other two idiots in the scene makes it physically impossible for her to be on her knees on the floor, but physics plays by its own rules, so clearly it is not allowed in the strip.

    @Cloudbuster (#141):

    JP – The problem is that Sam has lived a sheltered live in Spencerparkerville, where money is thrown at him and not vice-versa. He has never experienced a world where his privilege didn’t extend to having the rubes be the ones tithing to him. Like a French aristocrat, he can’t fathom an existence where the peasants weren’t obligated to him for their continued existence.

  176. McManx
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#127): Ha, ha. Well done. While we’re comparing, I keep waiting for Sam of Judge Parker to break out into “I’m a Lumberjack.”

  177. LP2004
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#145): In one of the Peanuts anniversary year books (1975′s Peanuts Jubilee, perhaps?) Charles Schulz told of seeing, years after Peanuts had become popular, a list of names for the seven dwarfs that Disney had considered and rejected. Among those names was Snoopy.

  178. Calico
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#158):
    “Look at the brilliant buffet! And all these Hawaiian shirts!”
    *sigh* “Dave always loved the buffet at Lums, and he loved his two Hawaiian shirts.”
    Life is truly brutal.

  179. Snarkotix Addict
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G The singing midwife Tommie Thompson, launches into song (now, pick up the refrain, Scott!):

    We’re pickin’ up good contractions,
    She’s givin’ out exhalations,
    We’re pickin’ up good contractions,
    Pant, pant, pant, good contractions!
    She’s givin’ out exhalations,
    Pant, pant, pant, good contractions,
    Good, good, good, good contractions!
    Gotta keep those busy good contractions
    A’ happenin’ with her!
    Gotta keep those busy good contractions
    A’ happenin’ with her!
    Gotta keep those busy good contractions
    A’ happenin’,
    Good, good, good, good contractions!

    Shut up Scott! And you,too, Tommie.

  180. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135): “‘rediculiously written’, Steve, Steve, Steve…”

    Wow! Talk about your Deja Vu all over again, THAT’s the same exact thing my college Technical Writing Teacher told me over and over again and again!
    …She also told me that I had a phonetic way of spelling words, but I told her that wasn’t true because I was always careful to spell words exactly the way they would sound!

  181. McManx
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#166): Your family’s Southern oaths reminded me of a couple in our Deep South roots. Usually, the men cheerfully swore with great proficiency. However in polite company they would generally spell out their curses — S.O.B, G.D. and H.E.Doubletoothpicks were common — as if that made a difference. Afterward, they’d say “Pardon my French…”

  182. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    So, this Minced Oath walks into a bar, and the bartender says:

    1) What the fuck?
    2) What is this, some kind of joke?
    3) So. It has come to this.
    4) You know, we have a drink named after you. MO: You have a drink named ______ ? (come on, I can’t do all the work here)
    5) Great Caesar’s Ghost! MO: No, sorry, my name’s Godfrey Daniels.
    6) What’ll you have? MO: Sorry, I was looking for the Door.
    7) What’ll you have? MO: Sorry, I was looking for the Giant Easter Island statue.
    8) You know this is a gay bar, right? MO: Oh, fiddlesticks!
    9) You know this isn’t a gay bar, right? MO: Well, duck puddles!
    10) I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon. Wanna hear it?

  183. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Charly (#107): Yeah, I know. I listened to almost 2 seconds of “Hey Boy.”

  184. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    So this oath minces into a bar…

  185. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Sorry I meant ‘oaf’

  186. Charly
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#183): How much has your lawyer collected in pain-and-suffering damages from Grevans?

  187. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    I may be developing a schoolgirl crush on Rev. Mr. Scudder but I’d really have to see him in a three piece suit first.

  188. wossname
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#123): Well, you’re right about Bea and the Cherry Creek Resort — IF it’s really a semi-legitimate resort and just happened to have e-mail problems.

    My assumption is that it quit being a real resort years ago, and is now the HQ for the pot-growers. And that Peaches, despite all her prowess at making lobster salad, is not nearly as good at making reservations: She just fired off an e-mail to some long-dead address, and didn’t notice whether she got an answer.

  189. Government Cheese
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: Man Wilbur’s Clockwork Orange shirt is tripping me out. Is this a Cheech and Chong plot theme?

  190. Voshkod
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Once you have kids, all you get to use are minced oaths. “Son of a dog!” and “Belgians!” are two I use a lot. “Damn” has survived intact, though.

  191. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#184): “So this oath minces into a bar…”

    Oh. That’s good. And then the bartender says, “What the fuck!” or “You know this isn’t a gay bar…” or something.

    Cheerio, Lynn! It’ll never make the float, but I’m gobsmacked!

  192. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#191): So this gobsmack bars an oath from mincing.
    The oath looks cockeyed at the gobsmack and snarls, “ME!”

    // Okay. I’ve got issues.

  193. Mars
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    The reboot has nothing to do with your being old; it’s because if Sony stops using the Spider-Man license for even a second, the rights will revert to Disney. If they can’t make a Spider-Man 4 with Tobey, they’ll make one with Garfield.

  194. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    MT – Rusty, in an attempt to bag a Bighorn photo, fumbles the camera activating it’s flash which momentarilly blinds the helpless pilot sending his plummeting aircraft nose first smack dab into the last remaining flock of Bighorn sheep this side of the SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE! Mark, upon hearing the news, rushs to the tragic scene with fists clenched to make sure the VILLAINOUS culprit responsibile for this hennas act receives a swift taste of his FISTS-O-JUSTICE! Discovering it was Rusty who did this horrible thing only makes Mark’s task of taking the law into his hands that much more enjoyable.

  195. Ian Beste
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Jason D. (#109): It’s true, Bruce Campbell makes everything 25% more awesome.

  196. pastordan
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, by the way, to everyone who suggested Darkgate Comic Slurper to me yesterday. It looks like my life is going to be a lot better. A whole lot better.

  197. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    So…. This Oath minces into a bar, and the bartender says, “What the fuck.” And the Oath says, “If I can prove I’m Jesus Christ will you give me a free drink?”
    The Bartender says “If you can prove you’re Jesus Christ I’ll give you a whole bottle.”
    The Oath says, “Follow me.”
    The Oath minces out of the bar, and crosses the street, followed by the bartender. The Oath walks into another bar. The bartender at the other bar says, “Jesus Christ. You again?”

  198. pastordan
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    …Except now I’m going to have to poke through that long, long list of comics…

  199. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#8):

    OY!

    //what’s sad is i didn’t look for duracell, I looked for the competitor…because it just made. that. much. of. an. impact.

  200. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#12):

    So, you are saying for Nina, now is the time for Heavy Face Time?

    //if that were a lyric from a song, it would be a techno song.
    what would be cool is if there were a video to show how heavy face time is such a powerful force of nature (or something) to have a giant Mary Worth Head Floating it the clouds prior to the chorus:

    Now is the time/
    For Heavy Face Time

    And, Mary Giant Floating head gets all Hindenburgy. Well, no flames, visible old people smell is what I was seeing.

  201. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#200):
    Ohhhhh! The humanity!

    No! It’s a Huge Manatee!

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#198): I kind of envy you, there, like stout Cortez, silent on a peak in Darien.

    // Well, Sturgeon’s Law applies, to a degree.

  203. Yakov Smirnoff
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    In Soviet Russia, bar walks into you!

  204. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been trying to come up with a minced oath, but I realize that I’ll never be able to surpass “Villainous WOLVES!

  205. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#201):

    All aboaaaaard!
    We’re going
    dooooooooown!

    Now is the time
    for Heavy Facetime

    Your no longer
    lighter than a feather
    Yet now you’re feeling better
    You were flying like a kite
    All day and all night
    After a brutal life
    You have seen the light

    Now is the time
    for Heavy Facetime

    Then hang out at Denny’s
    trying to grand slam the rhyme!

  206. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#194): “hennas act” which turns everything a reddish brown…

    Steve, Steve, Steve. Spellcheck could not help you there!

    // You are just teasing me, right? Serious, man, I love your comments.

  207. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#192): Put that in the form of a sonnet, or I’ll sic Muffaroo on you.

  208. Lynn
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    No, I will never, ever make the float. I have 62 rejections slips on just one of my writing projects. Gol darn it, dag nab it, and rassen frazzen yip.

  209. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): He’ll do it too! DON’T MAKE HIM DO IT!!

  210. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#209): I mean, you’ll do… I’ll come in again.

  211. Spotts1701
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#193): And if Sony gets desperate enough, we’ll see “Based on the Spider-Man newspaper comic.”…

    After all, Roger Corman did a Fantastic Four movie (that I wish had simply been ashcanned as planned) back in the early 90′s just so the rights wouldn’t revert.

  212. Horace Broon
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    BC: What?

    FW: “Hold on, I’ve gone three strips without saying something to remind the readers I’m from Africa. I’d better give my climbing advice in Swahilli for no reason!”

    GT: “He played his way to Kent State — and graduated!” And now he’s a depressive with a ridiculous beard. This is what you have to look forward to, Summer Moore! (Summer’s “ridiculous beard” will be the guy she was seen with at the end of the “two nerds fight for her love without her noticing” storyline.)

    HtH: In the Middle Ages, spices (even the ones we take for granted today) were a rare commodity, and generally only available to the richest of people. Hagar was presumably fortunate enough to raid a merchant ship returning from the Indies; it’s unsurprising that Helga is unaware this bounty should be used in moderation.

    MW: “Dawn seems to view this trip as a tedious chore. Maybe I should explain it’s educational, and there’s nothing more fun than that, right?”

    OTF: Neil’s old writing partner, Sir Terry Pratchett, has a rule about autograph sessions: “No body parts, even if they’re still attached.”

    S4th “I want your honest opinion: awesome, or mega-awesome?”

  213. KreatureFeatures
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#3): Your MT comment may be three in today’s posts but it’s number one in my heart.

  214. Shrug
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170):

    “I’ll get the first round, shall I?”

    Are you taking an ESP test using Zener cards?

  215. the good ship thetis
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    I say “hell’s bells,” a lot. Another one is “ye gods and little fishes” but “little fishes” would make me laugh to say out loud so I just shorten it to “ye gods!”
    And “There’ll be H to pay” which I always hear in the voice of the little sister in “Meet Me in St. Louis” (“He said there’ll be H to pay if your father ever finds out you called long distance!”)

  216. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#206):
    Believe me, Jackelrod’s color monkeys who produce the hennas backgrounds in this stupid strip is a heinous act if’in I’da never sawed one! Yesserrreebob!

    // as far as teasing, was Andy Kaufman teasing by acting like that or was he really like that? Let’s let Mark’s fist-o-justice decide, ..er, deside, dang…decside, crap! The word is D-side DEE-side like…”DEE PLANE! DEE PLANE!” Thankeweverymuch (ThankEWEverymuch….”EWE”, get it? Like a Bighorn Ewe, being the female of the bunch? Gheeech!)

    (Just funning with ya, Nehemiah. I enjoy your comments as well).

  217. Shrug
    July 12th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#193):

    “If they can’t make a Spider-Man 4 with Tobey, they’ll make one with Garfield.”

    With the Green Goblin played by Charles J. Guiteau?

  218. Ian Beste
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#217): “Do you have any regrets?”

    “No…well, maybe ‘Garfield’”

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#209): And, as for that wall, there, it should be “Romani ite domum”.

    // 100 times before sunrise, or Muffaroo knows what to do.

  220. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Nina is sticking to her principals and refusing modern medical child-birth dogma. She is going to deliver that baby while fully clothed, with nobody in the room but her hapless husband and one of her acquaintances. Exactly like when it was conceived!

  221. Liam
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Rex is planning on getting Iris drunk and then killing her by pushing her down the stairs and then steal back the money he gave her.

  222. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#210): Hey! HEY! The door locked behind me. HEY!!

  223. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#221): Are you kidding? As far as I can tell Rex doesn’t plan squat, except maybe the cruise. All Rex is planning is to be available for his next windfall.

  224. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): Thinking of Luann with pupilesss eyes makes me giggle like Ed Wynn.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#197): “Prêt à porter pour le toilette avec le bidet!” is my idea of a sprintzed oath.

  225. Poteet
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    FW — It’s a good thing that Batiuk has designed an apparently-immortal kitten, because ordinary cats and kittens can be affected by altitude sickness and are supposed to have frequent if not constant access to fluids as a way of preventing/alleviating symptoms. No one will bother to do that for this kitten, but of course it’s not being fed either. I still say the kitten story is the most loathsome story currently underway, though GA is doing the best job of showing us what hell is like.

  226. bats :[
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#165): “It’s the water…that’s why it’s yellow.”

  227. Ang in AK
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Brith means blood and a lot of it. All three of the 3-Gs are wearing white. When that baby zings out of Nina it’s going to be a spatter fest. Some one go get that vampire out of Dennis the Menace for a clean up job, stat!

  228. Poteet
    July 12th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    MT — The plane contains Jason and the Argonauts. The horrible part is that Atalanta looks just like Cherry.

  229. Darryl Heine
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    NOT FEATURED:
    Archie 1991 – Reggie sits outside while Veronica watches the 1991 “Robin Hood: Princes of Thieves” movie.

    Blondie – To make up for docked pay of Dithers, Dagwood has to fill in for Lou at the diner as head cook/waiter?

    Peanuts 1965 today and the previous 3 days – “IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT…”

  230. Edgy DC
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    “Why does every paper in town have pics of Clown-9 except mine?”

    “That’s a clown question, Bro!”

    Come on, Peter! Do I have to keep all the tired memes alive for you?! Guh!

  231. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#140):

    Or how about “The Albino Asses”?

  232. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    There can be only one reason Nina doesn’t want competent medical professionals involved in her birthing: she has a cloaca.

  233. LanceThruster
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    DM – the existence of “reverse’ vampires (i.e. able to go out in daylight) further confirms your point.

    Play ball!

  234. Erich Clapton
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#137): “. . . and Elwood.” Finally, mirth!

  235. Señor Tortilla
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “Can’t you people see I’m busy? I’m not finished ravishing this pillow yet!”

    Crankshaft – I was going to say “People of Wal-Mart”, too but someone beat me to it. :(

    9CL – Enough with the painted on leggings! I knew you drew her naked, then drew on clothes, you perv.

  236. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#232): Well, if she’s ovoviviparous, I guess that would explain why she thinks her smoking isn’t going to do anything to the baby. Safe in its shell, disconnected from her vitals, she can have all the tar she wants and it won’t do a thing!

    Now, she might have alleviated a lot of unnecessary concern by simply disclosing that fact…

  237. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Jugs Parker: In a story that made sense, it would turn out that Peaches and Bubba are part of a wilderness-pot-growing syndicate, have taken over and killed the lodge’s owners, and are trashing the place so no tourists will want to stay here. Or, at best, Peaches is the lodge’s owner and is doing her gutsy best to signal Avery and Sam to get out and get help. This being JP, Sam will just wonder why people don’t flash mindless grins in his presence, then go out and buy a national forest.

    Mock Trail: The plane’s passenger is a villainous rival to Mark Trail. He is out to steal pictures of Lost Forest’s wildlife, spoiling what would otherwise be a good story for Trail. However the plane will crash when the Jackelrod ball invades its airspace. The crash will break the evil photographer’s camera, exposing its memory chips to sunlight. The criminal photographer will then steal Rusty’s camera with its photos of a sheep’s ass, but after the picture is published it will be recognized as Rusty’s work (that’s his thumb over the lens). Trail will shake Rusty’s hand, then poison his pancakes. There can be only one wildlife writer-photographer in LoFo, and the only way Trail will brook a rival is to dump his body in the river.

  238. Jessy
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#5): Pluggers: I’ll bet that the so-called “Stumpy Stump” is actually Stumpy McStumpersons, trying to go all incognito on us.

  239. Calico
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Oh ho, speaking of perv, I had a weird little experience today.
    I boldly navigated the cluster fuck that is Chemin Ste. Foy in Quebec City, as I had to go and pick up some specialty vacuum bags that had been ordered just for my Lindhaus.
    I notice there was a little Video shop right next door to “Mr. Vacuum”, so I wandered in, thinking I would browse thru the discount DVD rack for a movie or two.
    It took me a moment to realize I was standing face to face with hundreds, nay, thousands of hardcore porn videos. I won’t even go into details about images, titles, etc.
    I heard myself inadvertently saying “Oh, mon Dieu!” upon which the nice owner came in and said hello, how are you, etc. I told him, I’m not a prude, but wow …
    he didn’t seem to mind.
    Some days are just a bit surreal.

  240. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): You’ll have to settle for a limerick. I’m too busy for a sonnet.

    A mincer who is known as Oath
    Swung not one way but both
    Walked into a bar
    But did not get far
    The bouncer tossed him out on his mouth.

    Near rhyme!

  241. DumbBlone
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#9): Agreed. Rusty’s pleas for the sheep to turn around in today’s MT brought unbidden to my mind an old, rather involved, lewd joke that starts out with a violated sheep that turns around at the – uhm – opportune moment, and that ends with the violator put on trial in front of a jury of his peers, and the comment “A-yep. A good sheep will do that for ya.” I’d riff on that but… I just can’t… but I know that Dingo could and would, to great effect.

    Much missed.

  242. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#106):

    So I guess we can assume that her porcelain derriere is the result of poor bloodflow then?

    @Hogenmogen (#113):

    Every other paper had the brilliance to ask around and see if anyone got a cell phone shot of a wacko in a clown car. That’s got to be out of the ordinary, even in New York.

    So what it all comes down to is that every other paper in New York doesn’t depend on one lazy, whiny, dim-witted freelance photographer. Actually, ‘Don’t depend on Peter Parker for anything’ good general lesson for anyone in this strip.

  243. McManx
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#191): You know, I love a good minced oath pie at holiday time…

  244. Calico
    July 12th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Yes, miss you D-Man. I’m sure you’d have us all in fits of laughter, esp. on a day like today.

  245. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#236): The sad thing is that she doesn’t have a cloaca. She’s just that ignorant of anything below and including her tits.

    @Calico (#244): When I read your video store anecdote, I immediately thought of Dingo. This place is a lot more SFW without him.

  246. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#245): True, true – much like every other character in this storyline. It’d almost be understandable if we didn’t already know from the piano storyline that the characters are perfectly able to see things off-panel that the audience never will.

  247. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Dawn: Dave took extension education! Waaah!

  248. The Fake Macoy
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    JP – It would be awesome if Sam and Avery refused to leave and were then arrested by the cops. However, knowing how this strip works, even if that did happen they would end up never getting charged and somehow make a ton of money for their troubles.

    RMMD – Rex either is operating without a license or he has incredible dirt on every member of his regulatory board.

  249. odinthor
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#214):

    Naw, we’re talking about picking up wimmin. I wanted the first skinny…

  250. Sans Sense
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Next week on Mary Worth, Dawn gets pistol-whipped by a Somali pirate just like Dave used to!

  251. Mincemeat
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): I prefer to curse a blue streak, but when a non-dirty oath is really necessary, I often make use of Walt Kellyisms like “bazz fazz” and “rowrbazzle.” Also useful: “fishbat” and “axolotl.”

  252. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

  253. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mincemeat (#251):

    What about Banana Oil ?

    If it worked for Count Screwloose and George Takai, it works for every situation.

  254. Chaze126
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Uh…mmmm…change the word “contraction” in A3G to “orgasm” and the strip’s entire complexion changes. Makes more sense, too, especially the “pant pant.”

  255. Anonymous
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Not sure if anyone has brought this up yet, but J.K. Simmons is doing the voice of Jameson in Disney’s new Spider-Man cartoon.

  256. Dagger
    July 12th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    That wasn’t a good contraction; Nina’s baby bump just went over to her back. See what happens when you don’t trust paramedics?

  257. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Darryl Heine (#229): Reggie sits outside while Veronica watches the 1991 “Robin Hood: Princes of Thieves” movie.

    Reggie is shown clutching a couple of dollar bills, so they actually went to see a first run showing of “The Adventures of Robin Hood” with Errol Flynn.

    And Veronica is riveted to her seat by chapter three of “Flash Gordon’s Trip to Mars”. But she’ll get around to sneaking Reggie into the theatre once the “Gandy Goose” cartoon starts. (Gotta have standards, y’know!)

  258. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Dave used to tell me to shut up about Dave!”

  259. Kirk
    July 12th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man actually wasn’t half-bad today! Jameson’s great.

  260. Shrug
    July 12th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @DumbBlone (#241):

    The sheep porn story sounds like it may have been represented in the wall of adult videos Calico just reported. I’d say “That would make a GOOD story,” except that I don’t think it would.

    Not as good anyway as thestory about the “special camel” in the Foreign Legion stables which, as was incompletely explained to the new officer, was for those occasions when the loneliness of the enlisted men became, ah, just too much to bear…

    (skip over middle part of joke, wishing Dingo were here to take it over)

    and as the embarassed officer climbed off, he asked the sergeant, “well, is that way the enlisted men do it with this camel?” and got the reply “well, no sir, they usuallyjust put a saddle on it and ride it into town to the nearest bordello.”

    rim shot

  261. Greg K
    July 12th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    The funniest thing about today’s Spiderman is the old-fashioned notion that people still glean topic news from newspapers. Readers under the age of twenty are probably wondering what a newspaper is.

  262. SideshowJon
    July 12th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Dennis sacrificing his best/only friend to the undead is unusually menacing.

  263. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Greg K (#261): They probably don’t get fishwrapper and birdcage-liner references, either. It’s the opposite of the problem a lot of cartoonists have, where those references would be too futuristic for them (except the Ziggy worker; it’s cutting-edge for him). I’m waiting for someone in A3G to haul out a birthing chair. Or even for Shoe to have a restroom with a newspaper-lined floor.

  264. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Has Peter Parker’s job as a salaried staffer for the Bugle, instead of a work-for-hire photographer paid for each pic he sells, now been retconned out of continuity? (That would hardly be surprising – remember, this is the strip that retconned out of continuity the entire Peter and MJ marriage!)

  265. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): In the classroom I rely on good old-fashioned sci-fi standbys, such as “frak” and “gorram.” Among members of my family, meaning those familiar with Heinlein, I’ll sometimes use Friday’s “damn, spit, and dirty socks.”

  266. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#243): You know, I love a good minced oath pie at holiday time…

    Gol-durned good, aren’t they?

  267. Señor Tortilla
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#253): Did you know that banana oil (isoamyl acetate), which is produced by bananas, is also a pheromone that honeybees leave on your skin when they sting you (and thus, attracting other bees to attack)?

  268. Josh
    July 12th, 2012 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#123): Yikes! I fixed.

    Josh

  269. pastordan
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#202): Huh, a-wha? Can’t talk, too busy reading comix…

  270. Chance
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    You know what they say at Kickstarter…

    No cents, no fence.

  271. Liam
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-Yeah, Joey, that is an umpire not a vampire so you can’t beat it to death with your bat.

  272. Liam
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Archie-Sorry, Reggie, but if you want Veronica to let you in through the “back door” you have to pay.

  273. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#267): According to the Urban Dictionary, “Banana oil” is 1920s slang for insincere or nonsense speech. And “Nana Oyl” is the name of Olive Oyl’s mother.

  274. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#273): And the expression “banana oil!” was coined by cartoonist Rube Goldberg, keeping it in the family. The comics were real phrasemakers, back in the day. I think he also brought us “Baloney!” in the form, “That’s a boloney because…”

  275. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#274): Banana oil, by the way, contains NO BANANAS.
    BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!

  276. Sgt. Stoned
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    S-M: The new Spider-Man movies is also apparently Mary Jane free as well. They should have eliminated Spidey himself for the trifecta.

  277. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#196): I see they’ve got Sinfest, so if you’re in the middle of a massive archive-binge anyway, make sure and binge through that sucker. 4000+ comics, and absolutely utterly worth it.

    (Yesterday I finally actually caught up to where it was when I started the binge nearly two years ago!)

  278. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

  279. Calico
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Josh wrote on his post:
    “Haha, JJJ FOREVER”

    Yes, I’m really liking this dude – he is a real curmudgeon, and gets away with it. Props Jx3!

  280. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#275):

    Banana Oil!
    Fiddlesticks!
    ….

    ?

    oh,yeah.
    Poppycock! (The Patriarch of the East End Cocks, I believe)

  281. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#280):

    Poppycock.
    He was an early riser, I hear.

  282. Red Greenback
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe I’m the first one to bring up this minced oath: “Rolly Church of Crete!”

  283. Calico
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#245):
    Yes, I miss Jeff. The Babe Winkleman show with J and his Dad was a really nice thing to see. : )

    John, I hope you are doing well too, and Jeff’s Mom and Dad as well. Best wishes. XO

  284. sporknpork
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#199): Wow, I wasn’t even thinking that, but it works too. I was thinking more along the lines of those creepy Duracell Family commercials with the very detailed facial features.

  285. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#275): No bananas? Does that also mean that baby oil doesn’t actually… What a rip-off!

  286. Tom Batiuk
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

  287. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 12th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#269): Just dawned on me that between the three of us, we now have pastors past, present and future. (Mind you, Rev. Scudder’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but still.)

  288. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Holy hand grenade of Antioch!

  289. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#285): Nor does extra-virgin olive oil contain actual virgins.

  290. pastordan
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#277): Yes, I’ve long been a Sinfest fan. I tried to plow all the way through the archives, but had to give up after a couple of years. Maybe I’ll have to try again.

    I’m really impressed by Darkgate so far. They have a fantastic variety, not all alt-comix, not all family-oriented strips. And a readable format? Great googly-moogly!

  291. Ride Dem Haunches
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Will this count as “Minced Oath” Verse?

    An old man down on his luck
    Offered a whore just a dollar to enjoy her sexual favors.
    She said, bet your booty,
    If you want my patootie,
    It will cost you more than a buck.

  292. pastordan
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#287): Oh yah? I take it you’re retired? What denomination? I’m from the UCC. I saw some folks talking about Rev. Scudder earlier, but wasn’t sure if it was a joke or not…

  293. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#289):

    Ah, but to the truly erudite, the more experienced the olive the oilier the oil.

    Right, Monsieur Popeye?

    What’s that you say? “Toot Toot”?

    Oui. Toot Toot, indeed!

  294. Bill the Butcher
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    I see Joey’s going to become the next Spider Man.

    What am I talking about? You really missed the six legs and two arms?

  295. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#293):

    I don’t know why I went French on making the joke about erudite cartoon characters who are anything but erudite.

    (well, Cap’n Yoghurt is cultured. But, he’s an exception)

    I suppose I should have stuck to an Italian or Greek theme for the quip.

    So, I just want to say that the peoples of Italy and Greece (hey, put down that chair! don’t you dare even think about throwing at me!), the people of Greece are surely erudite and breath rarified airs (snf. snf. p-yoo! what’s that? a Frenchman?). So, please forgive me if I offended anyone (no. I meant to insult you, Wilbur! Jump off the boat! I dare ya!).

    Thanks for taking the time to read my sincerest apology.

  296. db
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: The truly frightening thing about that umpire is not that he might be a vampire, but that he is definitely Ziggy behind that mask.

  297. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#294):

    Well I for one look forward to the many adventures of (Future Spiderman) and his thrilling fights and match-ups with villains like (Doctor Cootiepus, The Whizzerd, Margaret, the Growth Stunter, Wilson) and I am excited to see how he fights crimes with his sidekick (Phlemace the Menace). Though, I do worry when (Phlemace the Menace’s) true nature returns and he becomes (The Dark Phlemace, with a goatee).

  298. Mr. O'Malley
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#293): Peut-être comme celui-ci:

    Quelle phrase a dit le pipe de Popeye?

    Il était tout “toot”!

    Oh, pardon my French!

  299. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @Tom Batiuk (#286): No, it’s the cat lovers who have been bringing it all along. That article is about a three month old kitten, and if you paid attention to the article you would know that the kitten was immediately taken to a veterinarian for treatment by people who showed an active interest in its well-being. Nobody joked about “cheetah chips,” or failed to give the cat food and water, or left it in the hands of the cooks, or let it wander around unattended by the road. Not that this kitten was in any shape to do much wandering.

    If you had paid attention to the offensive garbage in the “Funky Winkerbean” strip, you would know that the fictional kitten was established as being just a few weeks old, making it smaller than a three-month kitten and not old enough to eat on its own. This fictional kitten was packed into a suitcase, most likely banged around by luggage handlers on two continents, and carried in a sub-freezing, unpressurized cargo hold aboard a jet liner. While I have never maltreated a kitten and happily cannot speak from personal experience here, I do not see how an unweaned kitten can survive that treatment–and I don’t see anyone in the contemptible story taking it to a veterinarian, much less feeding it kitten milk replacer.

  300. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#298):

    Sacre Bluto!

  301. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Aw, man!

    The page is broken! Now its all slidey left to righty!

    Next time, shorten that URL, Batiuk!

  302. Girl Reporter
    July 12th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe it has taken 300+ posts to get to “Margo Saturn Boxcar!”

  303. greghousesgf
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @LanceThruster (#233): do reverse vampires put more blood into people?

  304. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#278): You can’t stop the signal.

  305. Girl Reporter
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    A friend’s Aunt Florence’s soubriquet was Floomanooch. I’ve used that one a time or two when I’ve stubbed my toe.

  306. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#292): Google “Nehemiah Scudder” and you’ll get the joke. As for me — long retired. Well, not “retired” so much as quit — my time behind a pulpit ended before I turned 30. Christian Church: Disciples of Christ. My actual church, however, was an old Methodist-turned-United that my senior pastor and I ran under the provision that we keep it non-denominational. It’s now a Korean church. (I posted some photos of it and the village on Facebook under my real name here.)

  307. seismic-2
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#305): When I was in high school, I met a guy at another high school who was named “Paul Funderbunk”. That name worked quite well as a minced oath, my friends and I immediately decided (and thereafter used, although we sometime corrupted it to “Thunderbutt”). The real Paul Funderbunk played the tuba in his high school’s band. Somehow, you would expect that.

  308. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Creepy Les: There’s one sure way to silence him, James. How hungry are the tsetse flies?

    Mary Worth: At last, terrorists! Or a truly terrible three-bean salad. Either way someone is about to learn life is brutal. (I’m hoping for terrorists. I can’t wait to see what feel-good cliche Mary Worth spouts in the wake of death and destruction.)

    Mark Trail: Don’t jump to conclusions, Rusty. Just jump.

    Jugs Parker: Bea, if you’re going to brain Avery, that big hammer is pure overkill. No complaining, just commenting.

  309. Poteet
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#299): There’s also the issue of how a responsible cat owner would EVER have allowed a kitten to hide in his luggage and get on the plane in the first place, not to mention the fact that responsible cat owners neuter their cats. Even commercial cat-breeding is being called into question these days with so many shelter cats needing homes. Dan is a jerk.

  310. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#306): Joke? Oh, yes, Frank, that’s the story. Very good. For now.

    // Oh, that hand maiden you were asking about, the blonde? It’s all settled. See you in New Jerusalem!

  311. Poteet
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    A3G — I can understand how a person could give up on running a marathon or writing a blog or trying to win a pie-eating contest. But how you could give up on having a baby when you are smack in the middle of having one, I don’t understand.

  312. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @Tom Batiuk (#286):
    Not sure what you mean by “bring it haters,” but from context and the screen name you’ve chosen, I presume you mean to present this story as justification for the idiocy of the present Winkerbean story in which a kitten survives being stuffed in luggage, missed by various customs agents, and being deprived of food and water for an extended period of time. If so, it doesn’t take a hater to dump on this story line, regardless of this news article. Even if true, it still makes the likelihood of a kitten surviving remarkably slim. And as Droopy has already pointed out, in the newspaper article the people who found it immediately gave it food and medical attention, rather than making smug jokes.

    But in any event, I still have my doubts about the actual newspaper story. I don’t doubt they found a starved kitten, I just doubt that it actually came from China.

    I won’t hold this to be gospel, but I’ve heard it takes about 11 days to two weeks for a cargo ship to go from China to the States. Add to this another four or five days in customs, and who knows how long before the container is delivered to its ultimate destination, and we’re looking at a good two weeks for the shortest period of time, to two-and-a-half to three weeks as a more probable estimate.

    So — was the kitten actually shipped from China, surviving for over two weeks without food or water, or did a starving kitten find its way into the container at some point toward the end of its journey?

  313. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#310): Looking forward to it. And I’ve got that bottle of special old Scotch ready to give you in return.

  314. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#311): According to all the motivational and positive-thinking gurus, nothing is impossible if you believe hard enough.

  315. CanuckDownSouth
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#302): heck, more than that and no “fudgesickle!”

    @Poteet (#311): I have no personal experience, but from reality / docu-type shows I understand that a woman in labour can run out of strength / energy to push if it goes on too long. In ancient times, she’d die; nowadays, you call for an emergency C-section (or manual grab with forceps? not sure – but it’s invasive). But that wouldn’t be playing by Nina’s rules, so I suppose she means that Tommie can say the word and the baby will teleport out.

  316. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#309): I can understand some of the issues here–if a stray cat adopts you while she’s pregnant, you’re stuck with the kittens. And it’s hard to keep track of kittens. But, even if a kitten could slip past TSA and survive the trip, I’d expect a better story than this. I certainly don’t accept a news article about a three month old kitten’s experience as justification for what we see in FW, especially not when the article shows the kitten suffered and the people who found it took good care of it.

  317. CanuckDownSouth
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    … and of course I realize it’s spelled “fudgesicle”.

    And the appropriate response, Tommie, is “of course you can stop any time – just say the word and we’ll have a full med team in to take over and help get the kid out. I hear they use actual equipment – tools and sterile operating theaters and everything!

  318. Poteet
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

  319. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    JP: By the way, has anyone asked why this new guy is purple? Because he is, you know. Purple. He’s purple today, he was purple yesterday, and he was purple the day before. So I’m just kind of wondering why.

  320. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#318): Love it. I also love the one to the side that says, “Until you spread your wings, you have no idea how far you can walk.”

  321. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#311): Well, I think you could emotionally give up – it happens when women have had labors that were too long or too difficult – but this is Nina we’re talking about, who basically gave up when labor started.

  322. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#315): Dang but ‘Mudges are quick on the draw!

  323. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    9CL“Dancing the mortise and tenon”? “No actual humans talk this way” issue aside, Brooke, you do know that the last two things are architectural features, right, and no dancing is involved with them?

    McE reminds me of my students who’d write their papers with thesaurus in hand, not realizing that the misuse of Big Impressive Words is not a sign of intelligence, but just the opposite.

  324. Poteet
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#316): That’s a valid point about ending up with kittens if one adopts a pregnant cat. But with just a few more words, such a situation could have been explained. I am much less forgiving about a kitten ending up in a duffel bag headed for Africa. If someone is that carefree about packing, someone shouldn’t fly.

  325. commodorejohn
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#290): It took quite a bit of doing, but I’m finally all caught up – which means (by my own obsessive completionist logic) that I can now start to follow it daily.

    God damn but Ishida is good.

  326. Mike
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur and Dawn apparently stumbled into an unoriginal plot ripoff of the Costa Concordia. Indeed, life is brutal.

  327. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#324): I completely agree with you in real life. For the sake of a good story, I’d accept the premise that a kitten might, somehow, end up in that predicament. But “good story” doesn’t involve bad jokes, much less hauling the kitten up and down Kilimanjaro with no KMR. (If this were Mark Trail, I’d say we’re in for a scene where the kitten is adopted by a passing leopard, thereby answering the age-old question of what the leopard is doing at that altitude.)

  328. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#312): Here’s a shorter link to the kitten article:

    http://tinyurl.com/c4u8osn

    Apparently the kitten got into the container in China.

  329. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2012 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#319): I’m sure Bubba is some kind of people-eater. But do Avery and Sam count as people, or are they too rich for Bubba’s tastes?

  330. gnome de blog.
    July 13th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#137):
    Steve “Stumpy” Shannon is Sam Driver’s law partner. At least that’s what his girlfriend, the ravishing Gloria Sanchez, calls him. I’m not sure she’s talking about what that land mine in Afghanistan did to his legs.

  331. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 13th, 2012 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#328): Yes, that’s the story I read. But did the kitten get in the container in China? Just because a journalist says so doesn’t mean it’s true. Obviously nobody saw it get in the container in China, or they would have taken it out. All we know is that a half-starved kitten was found in a container that came from China. While it’s barely possible for it to have survived for over two weeks without food or water, it’s somewhat more believable that a hungry, stray kitten found its way into the container once it was removed from the ship in the States, and then discovered.

  332. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2012 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#331): You can google the keywords and find a few other versions of the story, including this one

    http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_21062184/3-month-old-kitten-survives-trip-freight-container

    where an animal-control officer estimates that Ni Hao (who will probably go through life as Knee Hi) spent two weeks in the container. The veterinarians seem to think the kitten went without food and water for quite some time, and I feel quite confident in assuming that they base their opinion on experience. Barring credible evidence to the contrary, I will assume that the reporter got it right.

  333. Vanya
    July 13th, 2012 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#324): “If someone is that carefree about packing, someone shouldn’t fly.” That is frankly a little ridiculous. What kind of person rechecks the entire contents of their duffel every time they walk away from it unzipped? I don’t expect animals to crawl into my bag, and neither should Dan. OK, if I had kittens roaming the house I would probably be a little more aware of the potential for this kind of accident, but this is not a sin of “carefree packing”. No, the real sin here is that someone who can’t keep track of their cats should not own cats. For all we know the wife is the one at fault here, but it is convenient for Batiuk to make Dan the fall guy.

  334. gleeb
    July 13th, 2012 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    Dick: Goodbye, hat. Goodbye, Mr Crime. I tell you, if Mr Crime dies without Mumbles and Doubleup dying, I’ll be disappointed. At least the schlubby Mr Crime didn’t have a gimmicky, annoying talking style.

    ‘bean: Well, James old man, you’re the one with the assegai.

    Chekhov was a Carpenter: Finally, the hope of some hammerin’ action! Fortunately, a purple man is there to cool things down.

    One Big Conundrum: A county fair in May? Wouldn’t all the farmers be too busy?

    Pluggers: …are literate? I’m not buying it.

  335. Droopy Says
    July 13th, 2012 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    @Tom Batiuk (#286): Bring it, haters.

    This is how we know Tom Batiuk didn’t write that post. Only a high school kid would talk like that, and when was the last time Batiuk got that right?

  336. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 13th, 2012 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    9CL Ok, ridiculous thesaurus-abusing sexual metaphors regarding architectural joints aside, I’m more worried about panel 3. Is she calling Amos “smokin”? Monkey-face, balding, chinless Amos?

    And she doesn’t know that Amos has been sticking his Stub Tenon into Edda’s Wedged, Half Dovetail Mortise (“the presence of the wedge, after the tenon has been engaged, prevents its withdrawal. It is sometimes called a “suicide” joint, since it is a one-way trip”)? Didn’t she see the video? Everyone else on the planet did, including Sister Strawnun herself.

  337. gleeb
    July 13th, 2012 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    @Tom Batiuk (#286): So, instead of giving it the close attention and tender care that an invalid kitty would need after such an ordeal, Batiuk is showing us a callous gang who are force-marching it up one of the highest mountains on Earth. Edgy.

  338. pastordan
    July 13th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#306): Gawrsh, but that village looks purty. And for what it’s worth, I seem to be shifting careers too, to teaching of a kind. Anyway, I’ll keep an eye on this Scudder fellow. Wouldn’t want him scooping up all the virgins for himself, now would we?

  339. pastordan
    July 13th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#325): Ishida is amazing. The big puzzle for me is how he makes his living. Either he’s sold way more books than I would ever think possible, or Sinfest is his side job, a thought that just blows my mind…

  340. Lenoxus
    July 13th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): Certainly true, but then again, wouldn’t the Andrew-Garfield-Spidey (a decentactor, btw, I might see the flm just for that) have to be in a parallel universe too? (I admit I only know about the new comics from reading a newspaper story about it, not actually the comics themselves. And the only Marvel films I’ve seen are X-Men 1, Captain America and The Avengers.)

  341. Calico
    July 13th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#312):
    A cat may very well die within 72 hours if deprived of water. The kidneys are very sensitive and eventually shut down. They can go for 3-4 weeks without food. : (

  342. LanceThruster
    July 13th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#303): To the best of my “knowledge,” only if the victim bites the vampire.

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    August 18th, 2013 at 1:48 am [Reply]

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