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Also I don’t think the Army procurement process works this way

Beetle Bailey, 7/15/12

To westerners, the most distinctive aspect of Hindu deities is the fact that they’re usually depicted as having many arms. This is meant to be understood allegorically — we use our hands to wield tools and otherwise impose our wills on the outside world, and the gods and goddesses, being more powerful than us, have more capabilities to impose that power. These deities are also often depicted holding holding in their many hands objects or icons that represent their various attributes, which is remarkably similar to the artistic tack that General Halftrack has taken here. On the other hand, most Hindu devotional art manages to depict a humanoid figure with many arms without making their torso freakishly extended like the General’s statue’s, and the idea of having the soldier depict happiness by holding a terrifying disembodied grin is an innovation in this particular sculpture.

This is also a strip where the noble if eccentrically executed sentiments of the main gag are undermined by the throwaway panels. Behold the virtuous American soldierly ideal, contrasted with actual soldiers, who respond sullenly to orders because they’d rather sit on the couch watching pretty ladies on TV. Why does Beetle Bailey hate America, is what I’m saying.

Hagar the Horrible, 7/15/12

Meanwhile, I’m having a hard time parsing how I feel about the politics of this Hagar the Horrible strip. I mean, yes, Hagar is guilty of monstrous crimes against humanity, leading murderous armed bands in multiple expeditions of violent plunder that don’t even have the flimsiest of ideological justifications, so he really should be hauled before whatever the late Carolingian equivalent of the Hague is. On the other hand, the depiction of the dungeon is particularly grim, even for a strip that routinely uses torture as a punchline — hey, see those tongs stuck into the big cauldrons of red-hot coals? GUESS WHAT THOSE ARE FOR — and of course one shouldn’t imprison lawyers for the crimes of their clients, or else the whole adversarial legal system is pointless. “Life in the 9th century is brutal” is I guess the overall theme here.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/15/12

You know, all this time everyone’s been raving over poor dead alcoholic Foster’s book, but I’m beginning to think it may not actually be very good. Specifically, any book that contains enough blunt anatomical detail for a six-year-old to follow easily but also uses the cliched euphemism “roll in the hay” seems like it would be kind of muddled. Unless Sarah means that it’s taught her the difference between boys and girls … emotionally? Based on what we know about Foster’s marriages, this information is bound to be dubious, though it may help Sarah navigate her own domestic situation. “Mommy, now I know why you’re always trying to sit closer to Daddy on the couch but he keeps moving away and then he goes into his office and you drink wine and cry!”

277 responses to “Also I don’t think the Army procurement process works this way”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    DtM — Does that mean Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket is the Comics Curmudgeon version of Mr. Wilson?

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Dogs of C-Kennel — I don’t have any tick stories to share, but that gigantic flea freaks me out.

    Agnes — This has to be the most mentions of Alley Oop in a Sunday comic that isn’t named “Alley Oop”!

    MW — It’s even worse than I thought. Dawn and Wilbur have been turned into the blue background people from “Apartment 3-G”!

  3. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#Y198):
    A gem!

    How about this:

    Anna had an anapest,
    Which never would quite scan,
    Although she tried to do her best.
    Poetry gave her slips of rejection
    Listeners gave her frowns.
    She fell into dejection
    In spite of maniacal clowns,
    But they said, don’t be blue,
    You should just write haiku,
    So she eventually moved to Japan.

    Yes, I know, those last three lines: a hypertrophied mutated limerick!

  4. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Mary learned how to hack into the ship’s navigation system via an Amazon Kindle for naught. Sinking of the Costa Wilburdia should get her “Ask Wendy”, prolonging her meddle high well into the future. She didn’t count on Wilbur being more resilient than Rasputin and twice as ugly.

  5. OMEGA SUPREME
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: In the last panel, special guest star Admiral Helena Cain from Battlestar Galactica: Razor. Rex, she killed her XO and is torturing a Number 6! Get out of there!

  6. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Sometime next week, Margo will come by to visit the happy couple and their newborn. She recoils in horror to find them hugging the placenta in swaddling clothes, the baby crying in the refuse.

  7. McManx
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey — Who knew the US Army would be harboring a remnant of the murderous Thuggee cult right there in old Camp Swampy. Likely in Gen. Halftrack’s closet is an effigy of Kali that bears a striking resemblance to Miss Buxley.

    Dick Tracy — Cue the music to Heart’s “Barracuda.”

  8. Black Drazon
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    How could anyone (besides June, I mean) not love Rex in the final panel? “Not my department! Cheese and crackers?” “She needs her first bra? How about some wine?” “Pregnant? Ha ha! Have some of this wonderful apple pie!” “Need to dispose of a body so that the cops can’t trace the evidence? Ahhh, my little girl. Now – now you come to daddy.”

  9. Mibbitmaker
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    BBailey: “…and if you don’t have at least six arms, don’t fight for your country, you slackers!”

    9CL: A psychiatrist would have a field day with this (Thorax is a mouthpiece for McE, after all) — and by “field day”, I mean burning this strip to a cinder!

    Crank: Time for The Home, old man![/Rickles]

    Doones: Mike hates his gender. Also: emotional = feelings, intelligence = intellect, thinking. Two valid but separate things. (not a fan of the EQ concept)

    JP: She put the hammer down! — She’s got a little convoy, rockin’ through the night…

    JP: Bubba to Sam: “Nice plaid shirt there, bro’. I know a guy with exactly that skin tone. …Really, nobody’s shocked that I’m friggin’ PURPLE?!”

    MW: They lose their faith in humanity, Mare, because THEY READ MARY WORTH!”

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    A few days ago, I predicted Congo Bill would make an appearance in Funky Winkerbean — and so he does (lower left corner of panel):

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Funky_Winkerbean&feature_date=2012-07-15

    Will Les Moore become “Lesmoorilla, the Great Jape Ape”? Only time will tell…

  11. bbofun
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    First- NON-SNARK TRIVIA CHALLENGE!

    Let’s name all the characters in the Funky “Jungle guys” panel-

    As Rocky noted, we’ve got Congo Bill (DC Comics) at lower left.

    Behind/above Les, we have (left to right) Tarzan, B’wana Beast (also DC) Shanna the She-Devil (Marvel) and, upper right, ol’ Stripy-pants, himself, The Phantom.

    So- Who are the woman and boy (he might be Korak, son of Tarzan, but I don’t remember him wearing that outfit in the comics) on the left, the woman at right, and the two “great white hunters” flanking Les?

    C’mon, CC-hivemind, we can do this!

  12. Santa Royale With Cheese
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    JP: Whatever the game plan is seems to be giving Bea perkies. Just sayin’.

    RMMD: It’s not helping much that I finally watched Event Horizon last night. That final panel says “we won’t need eyes where we’re going.”

    BB: Admittedly, the statue costs 6 arms and no legs, but the General could have saved an arm and put the smile on, you know, the soldier’s face. Never mind the Pentagon, I think DC Comics is suing over the use of the batarang. Oh, and the flag could have been incorporated into the uniform, even in spite of maniacal clowns.

  13. Santa Royale With Cheese
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    JP otra vez: The part of Avery will be played this evening by Dr. Bunsen.

  14. Egg
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    9CL: Thorax is like kryptonite. You see him in the strip and you close the tab.

  15. odinthor
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Bizarro. — He missed “Framing the framers of the Constitution” (as in ratting them out).

    Henry. — Ha ha! It’s funny because Henry abused the vendor’s graciousness and took more than just a piece!

    JP. — Likely “pitch in” rather than “chip in” was meant. Rich people don’t “chip in.” Rich people “buy out and charge you a fee for being there too.”

    MW. — “And the worst thing is that some maniacal clown® sneaked in and painted our noses black!”

    Retail. — Ha ha! It’s funny because motherhood and babies are completely sacrosanct!

  16. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#11): The woman and boy are Cherry and Rusty Trail, respectively.

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#13): Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. Meep!

  17. Señor Tortilla
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Archie: Hard to agree when it looks like he’s using some sort of 1980s direct plug-n-play. That or an Intellivision.

    BB: It’s another round of “Off the Meds Sunday”. That disembodied smile looks a bit like a banana. Or a grenade.

    9CL: Thorax. Didn’t read.

    FW: If Les starts to hallucinate over this next week, it will make it so much worth it. But the man CAN draw. Why don’t we see it in the comics?

  18. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    It’s “Elderly Men Day” in the Republic of Kiribati, so let’s hear a round of applause for [Old Man] Muffaroo and Ed Crankshaft!

  19. bbofun
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    And now- IT’S SNARKIN’ TIME!

    ASM- So, this plot is actually becoming a commentary on the success of Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark, isn’t it? Who’s Clown-9 suppose to be then/ Bono? Julie Taymor?

    BB- So, the statue is holding a gun for “crack shot”, a flag for “patriot”, a barbell for “strong”, a book for “smart”, a smile for…

    Dear God, Halftrack thinks soldiers should be ripping the teeth out of the enemies heads!

    JP- So- are there NO other fishing lodges on this lake? I mean, I understood Avery arguing about this, just because he was in the right, and, as loathe as I am to admit it, I’ve done that myself- but at this point, cut your losses, boys!

    MW- “…something good comes from everything that happens…” say Mary, as we switch to Dawn and Wilbur on their ship o’doom.

    Yes, hundreds will die on this ship, but Dawn will learn that life is worth living, so- it’s all for the best? Voltaire wrote a novel about that philosophy once, I believe…

  20. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Bizarro: A tour de force. Nine symbols, a pun, and an infinite regress.

  21. tb4000
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Rex: Rex’s final comment in the last panel tells you every single thing you need to know about this strip.

  22. John C Fremont
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#y2): The guy who modeled for Halftrack’s statue drove home in his VishnuCruiser.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#10): “I never should have read those Tarzan books. Jape Ape! Jape Ape!”

  23. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Frazz: just cute and sweet. *applaz*

    A&J: heeeee!

    9CL: Thorax Locution, Didn’t Read.

    Dilbert: it would be funny if it wasn’t so true.

    Luann: Tiffany service.

    PBS + NS: evolution DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!

    JP: Gentle suggestions from 7-foot behemoths are very effective. (Nice to see that Kevin “Big Sexy” Nash is getting work.)

    Crank: ‘ees flipped.

    MT: weird fish are weird.

    MG&G: *can hear commodorjohn’s /facepalm from here*

    PMP: his therapist recommends a dirtnap.

    PV: dude’s growing hemp. just sayin’.

    RwO: heeeee!

    SF: *applaz*

    SFx: it was Norm in drag . . .

    Foxtrot: *golf clap*

  24. btown
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Mary:
    Dawn: “What’s happening, Dad?”
    Wilbur: “We seem to be turning into members of KISS”

  25. Trillian
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    BB: Glad Josh explained that was a smile, because I thought the Army had developed a new banana-grenade.

    Luann: Is that Brad ogling his sister’s jailbait frenemy? I hope Toni comes in and kicks his ass.

    FBOFW: The difference between boomers and Gen-X, right there.

  26. John
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    “Why would anyone want to roll in the hay? [...] Sounds like fun!” A tip: Fictional characters need to have coherent thoughts before they are allowed to say things.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    for commadorejohn.

    Prideful gigglez. (gayters will want to avoid that link.)

    Rule 63 cosplay. (sfw)(I’d Cap dat.)

    IRL Star Wars mecha musume

    Ice cream for Poteet.

    a roll in the grass is otterly enjoyable.

    corgipup sleepin derpy.

    corgi Mom noms.

  28. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

  29. John C Fremont
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD – More quotin’ from the National Lampoon. (Copied from the internet. Accuracy not guaranteed.)

    At the Farm
    “I want a cookie, Dick,” said Jane.
    “I want a big cookie to eat.”
    “Oh, my,” said Dick.
    “Baby Sally ate all the cookies. There are no cookies to eat.
    Would you like a roll, Jane?”
    “Yes, Dick, yes!” said Jane.
    “I like rolls. I like rolls very much. Where is the roll, Dick?”
    “In the hay, Jane,” said Dick.
    “Would you like a roll in the hay?”
    “And how!” said Jane.

  30. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    3G – “You’ll find the energy, Nina,” said Tommie, subconsciously forming her fingers into a configuration known to fans of Spider-Man as… The SHOCKER!!

    Valiant – Alas, Arthurian England is a tough place to try and grow ganja. If Sir Roger had a source for grow lights and fish-scale fertilizer, he might not be such an old sourpuss.

  31. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    AD – Nothing on the merits of the strip today, but it does make me wonder if, when creating the strip, they chant “Draw Draw Draw” under their breath.

    Beetle – Bad news, men. Halftrack saw THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE!

  32. TheDiva
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    RMMD: She should know better than to leave copy of Fifty Shades of Grey lying around the house.

  33. TheDiva
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    9CL: ….No, seriously Brooke, get help.

    C’shaft: Really, Pam, at this point it’s your own damn fault for not locking up the tool shed and hiding the key where your dad can’t find it.

    FW: Yay, Les is hallucinating! The time when his corpse is left forgotten on the slope of Kilimanjaro draws ever nearer.

    MW: Mary attempts to go for the long-distance meddle! Can she do it?

    SM: Spider-Man of all people should know nothing gives your Broadway show a boost like a couple random disasters.

  34. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Brewster – Fun fact: the infrared used in remote controls can be seen by a video camera, including the one on my Canon and the built-in one on my laptop. I keep meaning to find out if this fact interests my daughter at all.

    9t;dr [*]

  35. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft – It would take so little to make that into an electric guitar. (WHO does he think he is?)

    Dick – Bringing back the horror, through the simple expedient of making characters who die first seem to have been alive to begin with.

  36. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Foxtrot – Crap. For the sake of a gag, we just broke Quincy.

    Momma – The perfect typeface for this strip: Comic Sans Humor.

    Pearls – Pig and Goat hit Lamarck trail.

  37. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#y202): And now we know how far Norm from My Cage has fallen: robbing a bank in Slylockland on Sunday.
    How did Slylock know Norm didn’t do it?
    Guys don’t lay eggs.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#18): I only started putting [Old Man] in my handle because more than one person thought “Muffaroo” was a form of “Muffie,” and figured I was a plaid-skirt-wearing preppie chick.

  38. pugfuggly
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    BB “What I’m saying is, I’ve signed you all up for a very interesting experime-…..assignment. Now, everyone, into the radiation chamber!”

    RMMD We assume that it’s Foster’s manuscript, but I think it’s more likely to be Rex’s bedroom lingo crib notes. “Sorry dear, I’m a little too tired tonight for a…um…”[flip,flip,flip]” ‘Roll in the Hay‘. But tomorrow I will absolutely, er…”[flip,flip,flip]“..’Sex you On‘…no, wait..’Up‘”

    A3G “Actually, just hold on a minute, Nina. I want to change shirts again…”

    MWOoops, looks like the cruise ship has already sunk to the bottom of the Mediterranean, taking Dawn and Wilbur to a watery grave! Well, they were fun characters while we had them, but I guess it was time for a change. I hope their replacements are just as white, dull and annoying as they were.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

  40. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    9CL – Actually, many of the late Cretacious’ giant reptiles are still with us today – such as alligators and crocodiles. Now, the non-avian dinosaurs went extinct, but those aren’t reptiles and haven’t been considered such for almost two generations.

    Maybe when Brooke was looking up mortise and tenon on wikipedia, he could have spent a minute researching the Sunday strip as well? He may be in danger of losing his certification as a pseudo-intellectual if the board hears of this failure to be pedantic. Of course, he could always continue to practice without a license, as a sort of pseudo-pseudo-intellectual, but that is actually one step below a Beefwit on the heirarchy.

  41. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    BTW, I must confess I was expecting to see a half dozen excited comments on the speck in the nipple region in today’s Judge Parker. Pleasantly surprised!

  42. Liam
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    MW-Well, Dawn, first a loud noise happened and then the power went out. Now what are you going to order?

  43. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    PV — I’m intrigued.

    9CL — This is a multi-layered concoction of unamusing uninformed illogical dumbness. But at least, unlike Batiuk, Brooke didn’t drag a kitten into it.

  44. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

  45. bourbon babe,unbuckled
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’ll be traveling for another week, and I just have one question: By the time I return home, will Nina have extruded a baby from her hoo-haw?

  46. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#190): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#194): @Nehemiah Scudder (#195): I am now persuaded, so I shan’t pick on The Tick anymore. If he ever acquires a sidekick named Stablefly, however, I may have something to say.

  47. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#46): Whoops, forgot to add the Ys. Sorry.

  48. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Okay, on todays Mark Trail page, I waas given a task to do a page on the current status of Paddlefish. I had never seen a paddlefish and was mortified when I got reference photos together… this has to be the UGLIEST animal I have seen. So, my dilemma; how to draw a totally unatractive creature, yet make it appealing to look at so that readers would WANT to read about it!? I have posted the page on my Facebook group, you be the judge of my efforts…

    http://www.facebook.com/groups/228474710549025/

  49. Ross
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    “As PFC Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.”

  50. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe,unbuckled (#45): Lordy, I hope so. And I think we Mudges should start a fund for that baby’s future therapy sessions, which will be badly needed as he or she gradually comes to the terrifying realization that no matter what happens, Mommy’s facial expression never ever changes, but Mommy’s hair length changes every twenty minutes.

  51. mollificent
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    A&J: Well, I can guarantee you that Arlo and Janis get laid WAY more often than whoever wins “Yard of the Week”.

    Dick Tracy: YARGH! Props for a suitably terrifying villainous demise!

  52. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#19): I mean, I understood Avery arguing about this, just because he was in the right, and, as loathe as I am to admit it, I’ve done that myself- but at this point, cut your losses, boys! Avery keeps saying they sent an email. He never says they got a confirmation. So he may not be in the right, at all.

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#46): Thank you.

    The Tick has a sidekick called Arthur, who wears a moth costume. Arthur was originally voiced by Mickey Dolenz. He can fly somewhat, but because his wings aren’t normally visible, people assume he’s a bunny. The other power he has that the Tick lacks is a healthy sense of self-preservation.

    Patrick Warburton, voice of the Tick and other great characters (Brock Samson!), also shot a pilot for a live-action Tick. Its failure to sell is bemoaned by many fans.

  54. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#19): Yes, hundreds will die on this ship, but Dawn will learn that life is worth living, so- it’s all for the best? And M Night Shamalyan made a horrible, stupid movie on this theme. At least MW isn’t killing most of the planet’s population…

  55. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#48): I like paddlefish and I enjoyed the strip. And I don’t think they look any stranger than elephants, really. I think that big “nose” is kind of cute. Of course I do have trouble separating aesthetics from function. Crown vetch is a horrible invasive and those pretty purple flowers gross me out.

  56. FOOBed again
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Thorax: Tl;dr forever.

  57. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): Thanks! I may look into this further.

  58. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#37): I only started putting [Old Man] in my handle because more than one person thought “Muffaroo” was a form of “Muffie,” and figured I was a plaid-skirt-wearing preppie chick.

    You’re NOT? Gosh, now I feel kind of… dirty.

    // It’s cool, Muffaroo. In the words of Lord Kitchener, “On the Internet, no-one knows you’re a dog.”

  59. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#58): Gosh, now I feel kind of… dirty.

    My job here is done.

    Now I think I’ll just… goof off for a while, or something. Watch TV.

  60. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — As a non-parent, I have a question. Isn’t it possible that a kid could get carried away and try something dangerous in this kind of situation, something for which an actual look and a “honey, that’s a great trick but please move further away from the diving board before you do it” might be needed? Or is that the level of paranoia that is one more reason it’s good I stuck with cats?

  61. parcheesi
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    It seems like the general’s statue could be streamlined; for example, a smiling soldier standing at attention already evokes patriotism and happiness (and possibly hard work), and strength could be connoted by the soldier actually being fit (whatever kind of strength is meant). Plus there are questionable elements; wielding a bayonet like a spear doesn’t say “crack shot” to me, if anything it says the opposite really, and the soldier’s closed eyes would seem to signify the following of orders with willing blindness.

  62. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#51): And what does “Yard of the Week” mean, anyway? I’m in a drought region with the hottest part of the summer still ahead and water conservation being urged, so not watering and letting lawns go dormant seems very responsible. Better to go get laid.

  63. Vanya
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Foxtrot: Has Bill Amend ever seen or read Game of Thrones? The idea that Jason would folow that series is actually pretty disturbing. The novels, at least, are firmly in NC-17 territory, especially the later ones.

    But Quincy is presumably a mature adult, so that’s OK.

  64. mollificent
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#62): I think to the sort of people who take the Neighborhood Association VERY SERIOUSLY (the Hank Hills of the world, if you will), “Yard of the Week” is probably a big deal. Glad A&J have their priorities straight. ;)

  65. mollificent
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

  66. Mooncattie
    July 15th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – “Mommy, Abbey really likes this book, too! What does ‘doggy style’ mean? Is that when you and Daddy make those bow wow noises?”

    A3G – The Birthing Babies Council approves this storyline. Women should never have to take their clothes off to have a baby! I’m also convinced that this entire arc was drawn, written and delivered to Headquarters before anyone realized there was No Scott. “Draw Him In” came the order, and that explains his, er, insertions.

    MW – There’s got to be a Wendy After/
    If Wilb and Dawn perish off the shore/
    I’ll Change the name to read “Ask Mary”/
    And you won’t Ask Wendy anymore!!

  67. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    What kind of monster of an M.D. forswears the responsibility to educate his own daughter on perfectly natural biological processes? The same kind of doctor who would raise a spoiled, entitled monster like Nina, I’m thinking.

    Meanwhile, I’m surprised by the number of Sunday strips that merely rehash the past week. I shouldn’t be surprised, should I? Probably not any more than I should be surprised by the awful internets jokes in Dennis the Menace.

    I was a little shocked to see an apparent death-by-sturgeon in Dick Tracy, though. They look wicked, but their taste for human flesh is typically limited. They think we’re too fattening, apparently. No guarantees for leathery, skin-and-gristle freakshows like Tiffany, though.

    Last thing: has anyone theorized that this mysterious “accident” on Wilbur and Dawn’s ship is in fact part of Mary Worth’s plan to assassinate Wilbur and take his place spreading feather-light happy-clappy “meaning” to the newspaper readers of Santa Royale? Because that’s sure where I hope we’re headed with this.

  68. A Mindful Webworker
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Um… something I realized recently and have meant to mention:

    Time does not permit me to peruse the comments as often and as thoroughly as I might wish, alas. So, I’m an infrequent commenter here. Also, my late-to-the-buffet, drive-by postings rarely garner responses (nor, admittedly, merit any). However, just in case anyone ever responds to me, please do not abbreviate my moniker as “MW”!

    :D

  69. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#55):
    In the Northeast, it’s Loosestrife and that damned Wild Parsnip.
    Loosestrife has been pretty well controlled by a species of beetle that love to eat it, but the WP is out there, waiting painfully scar those who come in contact withit, esp. in sunlight.
    There’s also some Japanese-based plant that is taking over streamsides in VT.

  70. kingklash
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    I am going to find ways to end conversations with “Cheese and crackers?”

  71. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): Patrick Warburton has done every role that Billy West hasn’t gotten around to doing.

  72. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#55):

    purple flowers gross you out? I am working on a Sunday page now about “carrion plants”… creepy!
    ‘James

  73. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#23) Gentle suggestions from 7-foot behemoths are very effective.: This whole week in JP reminds me of the time some of my high-school buddies and I rented a campsite at the Indiana Dunes. When the four-foot-something female ranger found out that none of us were 18, she asked us to hold on a minute and went in the back office.

    A couple of minutes later, a seven-foot male ranger emerged and stared us all down. “Here’s the deal, boys. No beer, no drugs, and no loud parties. Got it?”

    Yes, sir we all attested.

    “Have a good weekend!” he said. And away we went. I suppose if he were Bubba, he’d add “And no sniffing out our transparently-obvious-pot-growing-operation!”

  74. NoahSnark
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    The statue was eventually named at General Halftrack’s court martial as the inspiration for his having sex with several different species of spiders.

  75. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @A Mindful Webworker (#68): Dear MW: I didn’t have time to read your post all the way through, but just wanted to say that you are always welcome to comment here. Enjoy!

  76. Dale
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Hagar is often shown hanging in chains. Wouldn’t that be restrictive, painful, embarrassing, and LETHAL?

    I’m not one of your filthy commie hippie tree-huggers, but it seems to me that keeping two (2) pots of enhanced interrogation instruments heated 24/7 is wasteful.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#76): I’m not one of your filthy commie hippie tree-huggers, but it seems to me that keeping two (2) pots of enhanced interrogation instruments heated 24/7 is wasteful.

    Possibly so, but that is what is in the dungeon’s ISO-9000 certification documents, so they have to keep it that way.

    // Don’t worry though, they are in the process of obtaining 9002 certification, so this situation should be corrected in a couple of years.

  78. This Guy
    July 15th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Vanya (#63): Of course he has. It’s just that Jason is his main outlet in the strip to make jokes about the nerdy things that he enjoys, and if that runs into things that wouldn’t be appropriate for 10-year-olds, well, meh. Rule of Funny.

  79. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#67): The retread Sunday comics are a bummer, but the excuse is that in some papers they’re the only time that particular comic appears — plus some people only get the Sunday edition — so rather than carrying on with a storyline that Sunday readers may not have read, they recap the entire story into one multi-panel version that lacks any of the humour or subtlety of the weekly version [*].

    To me it seems like a bad trade off, but then, I don’t have the same expertise as those presently running the newspaper industry into the ground, so what do I know?

  80. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#72): Crown vetch flowers only gross me out because they are so invasive that they take over natural areas, especially prairies, and halting their advance requires serious herbicide, yuck. I’m sure I’ll have no problem with carrion flowers!

  81. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#72): Aren’t carrion plants the kind that smell like rotting corpses? Can you do a scratch-and-sniff version of the comic?

  82. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#65): That was amazingly funny. I’ll bet there is more material like it on the Internets, and I’m going to try to forget that or I’ll never get to bed at a reasonable hour again.

  83. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#51): Very true. A&J’s working their way, slowly, through the Kama Sutra instead of pulling crabgrass.

    @pastordan (#67): Pssst. Take a look at post #4 above.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#75): You beat me to it.

  84. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#67): Meanwhile, I’m surprised by the number of Sunday strips that merely rehash the past week. I shouldn’t be surprised, should I?

    No. Many – probably almost all – of the serials use Sunday to recap the week for the benefit of the many print subscribers (yes, there are such people still, and even if there weren’t the habit would still be there) who only take a weekend paper (fair disclosure, I only take the weekend Sun since their fershlugginer carriers can’t get it delivered early enough on the weekdays no matter how sincerely the customer service reps promise to speak the them) and who would be somewhat lost if Sunday advanced the plot.

  85. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79): Shoot. I must learn to reload the page before commenting.

  86. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#67): Also, that’s why the Phantom runs an entirely different story on Sunday.

  87. John C Fremont
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Carrion my wayward son, there’ll be peas when you are done…

  88. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#69): Most parts of North America have dozens of invasive plants. I should never have brought it up. Let’s talk about something cheerier. What should Nina call her baby? In the spirit of Neveah, I’m thinking maybe Lleh.

  89. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79): I don’t have the same expertise as those presently running the newspaper industry into the ground, so what do I know? Well, let’s work on that, shall we? I mean, you’re looking for a new career.

  90. Here come the Judge
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    JP: Oooh, another Manley nip-slip in the second to last panel! So far, that’s been the single most exciting event in the current story arc.

  91. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#83): Yeah, saw that after the fact. In retrospect, betting against Mary Worth being a murderous thug was not a good idea…

  92. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#89): True. And with a bit of work I’m sure I could develop the skills needed to drive a decent publication into the ground. (There’s no hope of driving a lousy publication into the ground — they just go on and on and on.)

  93. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#84): Oh, I get why they do it. I guess I just didn’t remember how much of it was almost literally cut-and-paste, rather than newly-produced recap, if that makes any sense.

  94. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#86): Once I understood what was happening with the Sunday Phantom I came to appreciate the idea. Recaps are boring, but I understand that many people only get the Sunday paper, so doing an entirely different story on Sundays is really quite considerate. A lot of extra work, too.

  95. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#92): Your last statement works surprisingly well with churches as well.

  96. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#88): Sorry, that should have been Nevaeh, of course.

  97. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#87): Ouch. Good, but ouch.

  98. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#95): True. In my experience, the way to keep a church going is to change it to Korean.

  99. commodorejohn
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Did Nina suffer a tragic accident as a child that paralyzed her face?

    A&J – I wonder if you ever ask yourselves why your sex life is dead?

    DT – I guess the real moral of the story is that the money you save on a non-OSHA-compliant crime den just isn’t worth the increased risk. Meanwhile, AHH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING ON HER HEAD WHAT DID IT DO WITH THE TOP OF HER SKULL

    DTM – Yeah, Ketcham Industries, Ltd.? I’m not really buying your attempts to portray yourselves as “up-to-date” when you’ve clearly drawn a Power Macintosh 8500 (1995-1997) in the the title panel.

    FG – “Wah, I’m mad at you for saving my life!” Why were you executing him, Ice Queen Lady? Clearly what he needs is serious therapy.

    FW – asphyxiate asphyxiate asphyxiate asphyxiate

    JP – Man, could we just stick with the Adventures of Bea ‘n Bubba, and let Sam and Avery go do their stupid fishing and go home?

    MT – Introducing the paddlefish, who has the distinction of always pointing and staring gape-mouthed at whatever he’s facing!

    MW – So the moral here is going to be that the sinking of a cruise ship full of people is okay, because it will have helped Dawn forget the brutality of life, right?

    PV – I guess Sir Roger wasn’t expecting the law to drop in for a visit. Rog, man, this is why you put them in among the other plants! Sheez!

    RMMD – You know, I had a basic understanding of sexual intercourse by the time I was ten, and a general idea of physiological differences between the sexes since well before that, and it never hurt me any. (On the other hand, I didn’t acquire it from reading an old drunk widower’s remembrance-porn…)

    SM – Well, in all honesty, he was funnier than MJ’s horrible stage “comedy.” That’s damning with faint praise if ever I heard it, but hey, facts is facts.

  100. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#88): Until I can get us moved back to the safety of a city apartment, and out of the suburbs with its gargantuan back yards, I consider all plants to be invasive.

  101. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#98): Lordy, are those people conservative. They do love them some church, though.

  102. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#92): You could turn a good newspaper into a lousy newspaper. There are precedents.

  103. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#89): @Frank Lee Meidere (#92): Why should Frank just confine himself to publishing, pastordan? I’m sure he could do a creditable job of driving a bank or other financial institution into the ground, and that pays much better.

    // As you know, I’m working on getting into government, myself. But that is strictly altruistic: I wish to better the lot of better-looking women.

  104. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103): I think we could arrange a loan for several billion to help you along with your altruistic endeavours. You are without any assets, right?

  105. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#104): Any cult that would degrade churches, papers, the financial system and the government merits watching a Mary Worth storyline.

  106. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53):

    The live-action version of The Tick actually did sell, and made it on the air for about a half-season. I have the DVD – c’mon, it’s Partick Warburton in the giant blue Tick suit, so it’s pretty hard to go too far wrong!

  107. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    B.C.: I get why the spider grabs the hammer, but what’s with the bit where the web latches onto Thor’s head? It doesn’t take anything. It doesn’t stay attached. Why? What’s the point? I don’t understand. It’s irksome. I feel irked.

  108. Hank
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#106): Yes, and it should be noted that, while Warburton played the live action Tick, he wasn’t the voice of the cartoon character as the OP stated.

  109. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe,unbuckled (#45): Is a “hoo haw” a country version of a “hoo hoo?”

  110. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#104): You will go far. I shall follow your future career with utmost interest. Even in spite of the maniacal clowns.

    // 1st Prophet National Bank has a ring to it, no?

  111. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#107): Look closer. He grabbed a pencil from behind Thor’s ear.

  112. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#109): “Hoo haw” is the Southern U.S. version. A nearby theater group wanted to do The Vagina Monologues recently, but public outcry forced them to put it on the marquee as “The Hoo Haw Monologues”.

    // Actually, I first saw “hoo hoo” here. (Oh, grow up! You know what I mean!)

  113. bbofun
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#23): Kevin Nash can actually currently be seen (a lot of him can be seen) in “Magic mike”. He plays one of the strippers. For realz. (He plays Tarzan. Really.)

  114. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Roll in the hay? Did Foster do a remake of Young Frankenstein?

  115. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#111): Ah ha! Yes, he did. Thank you. I think in return we can double the size of that loan.

    (I also just noticed the half-blocked sign saying, “Poop.”)

  116. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#99): Nina’s father didn’t provide parental supervision with her “Joan Rivers My First Botox” kit.

    on Rex Morgan: “Remembrance porn” is Mary Worth’s secret shame.

  117. bbofun
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#52): I still think he’s right, though. Hammer-Lady says her internet’s been down fro a while. it’s a business that takes reservations over the ‘net. If you’re down, you have to figure people will be coming. Otherwise, you should make the effort to disable whatever web page you have, or the deal you have with a page you get bookings through.

    I work for a theater, and we get reservations through Ticketmaster 9don’t know why anybody would go through them, and pay a fee, but…) When we cancel a show, we let TM know ASAP- often before we call people who’ve made reservations already. The one time our system was down, but we still had a show, we deliberately didn’t sell a block of tickets IN CASE Ticketmaster sold them and we couldn’t get the message.

    Now, I realize this lodge is now some sort of front for the pot fiends, but all that had to happen was for her to say “Sorry, gents, we’re in the middle of renovations- let me see if I can find you other accommodations” and they’d be gone.

    I suppose I’m saying that she’s failing both as a businesswoman AND a criminal.

  118. Shrug
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y39):

    “Mary – I hear something… somebody’s coming in… OH MY GOD! THEY’RE DOING ONE OF THOSE CORNBALL MURDER MYSTERIES! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

    Most of those live-action mysteries are based on Agatha-Christie-like English manor house crime fiction. So Dawn is not surprised — she already knew that Life is British.

  119. Borborygmy
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#115): (I also just noticed the half-blocked sign saying, “Poop.”)

    If you are half blocked, half a poop is the best you can expect. Even in spite of the maniacal clowns.

    // Or as Dorothy Parker used to say…

  120. Pharmacistrix
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Flying to NYC earlier this year, I found a tick that had stowed away on my leg. I suggested flicking it into the cabin to see the hilarity that might ensue, but Hubbie reminded me that a recent flight had been evacuated because someone had found a tick in the cabin (we hadn’t taken off yet). We ended up stashing it in a seat-arm ashtray.

    I had “The Tick” tableware for my forthieth birthday.

  121. Shrug
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#y81):

    “I nominate MJ for COTW right now. I cannot come up with a smartass comment ny better than:
    “Peter Parker! You know the show must go on! Even in spite of maniacal clowns!”

    Certainly a contender. In fact, I’m starting to think we Curmudgeons are not even needed lately; we just need to get the characters in various strips swiping lines from each other, and they can ride the Float for us. For instance, Parker’s obious reply to MJ should involve him looking into the next room of their apartment and exclaiming “A grizzley! Maybe HE can help!”

  122. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Christ, is that all Rex can afford, cheese and crackers?
    Maybe that’s code for “here, enjoy this bottle of Cutty Sark.”

  123. Chaze126
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Used to be that the only character in Rex Morgan I could take was Abby the dog. Now, with that smarmy grin Abby is flashing in today’s strip, even she has made my shit list. Cheese and crackers?

  124. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#118): Agatha-Christie-like English manor house crime fiction…

    I always thought it was kind of cute that those things are called “cozies”.

  125. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – Lost Forrest, land of crime, geriatric animals, mutant kids and pancakes.

    Also, why does Rusty call his mother by her first name?

    Luann – I’m still wondering why Luann had images of TJ and Ann Eyeful in her thoughts about Quill. I just don’t get it!

  126. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#121):
    And Loweezy becomes the midwife in 3G.
    Actually, I’ll bet she’d be pretty good at it.

  127. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#123):
    Haha, we’re thinking alike on this.
    Velveeta and Ritz, anyone?

  128. Chaze126
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Am I allowed to ask when the last time Get Fuzzy was funny? Jumped the shark maybe? Stop with the book writing. Bring back the ferrets and pets’ pals. And kill Amy Farrah Fowler while you’re at it.

  129. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Pharmacistrix (#120): Seat arm ashtray? How old an aircraft was this?

  130. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    “Not my department, and I’m supposedly a doctor!”
    Just buy her a copy of “Where Did I come From” already.

    And of course Les “don’t bring me down” Moore will hallucinate … deadwife.

  131. Shrug
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#121):

    “For instance, Parker’s obious reply to MJ should involve him looking into the next room of their apartment and exclaiming “A grizzley! Maybe HE can help!” ”

    MJ: “No, Peter! Bears play by their rules, not ours!”

  132. Shrug
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#19):

    “Yes, hundreds will die on this ship, but Dawn will learn that life is worth living, so- it’s all for the best? Voltaire wrote a novel about that philosophy once, I believe…”
    **********

    Dawn sometimes said to Wilbur:

    “There is a concatenation of events in this brutalest of all possible worlds: for if you had not been kicked out of a magnificent advice column gig by Miss Worth: if you had not been put into the Santa Royale pool parties: if you had not dragged me all over Italy: if you had not flown the kites: if you had not lost all your daughter’s honor thanks to Dave and Giogio: you would not be here eating sammiches until your heart explodes.”

    “All that is very well,” answered Wilbur, “but I must cultivate my mayonnaise.”

  133. Horace Broon
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    BB: Does anyone know what the soldier is holding that’s supposed to represent smarts?

    ASM: Stan agrees with us that Clown-9′s attack is more entertaining that MJ’s show, but dramatically over-estimates how entertaining that makes it.

    JP: “Cabin six, Bea! Jeez, do you want me to say ‘the one with the drop-weight over the beds’ right in front of them?”

    PV: “Val tries not to appear amused.” And completely fails.

    And hey, another comic about stumbling onto a narcotics crop! (Protip, Roger, there is nothing more suspicious than someone who claims to be growing rare plants “as a hobby”, and doesn’t want to bore your arse off on the subject whether you asked about them or not.)

    SFx: Given that we know both criminals and law enforcement in Slylock’s world can don elaborate interspecies disguises at a moment’s notice, I maintain that “a duck in a fursuit” is a valid answer.

  134. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#108): A cursory look at Wikipedia’s entry on Warburton allowed me to continue my unquestioning, decades-long belief that Warburton was in the animated show as well. We’ll see how long I can remember the correction. It’s quarter to four now.

    @Shrug (#131): “No, Peter! Bears play by their rules, not ours!”
    “Anyway, they don’t understand the whole hostility thing.”

  135. Shrug
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#48):

    If the fish is that ugly, shouldn’t you have posted it on Facebook’s evil twin, Hideousfacebook? Rusty can show you how to sign up. . .

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#133): BB: Does anyone know what the soldier is holding that’s supposed to represent smarts?

    What is a… book?

    // Did I win?

  137. Cloudbuster
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @A Mindful Webworker (#68): Dear MW. Your doom is sealed.

  138. Michael W
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Baldo gets betrayed by the colorist again. Although the idea of an ice cream truck using a black-as-death hearse to hunt down an obese teen is truly creepy, so Cruz may have a point. I wonder what music it plays.

  139. seismic-2
    July 15th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    MT: The paddlefish’s gape-mouthed expression in the opening panel indicates that it has been reading the previous story arc, and it has now reached the “gum wrapper” part.

    RMMD: Later tonight, after Iris is thoroughly liquored up, she will explain to Sarah about “a roll in the hay” and other things she used to do with her late husband on the horse ranch. Country matters, don’t you know.

    BB: I think Josh’s title for today’s blog is in error. General Halftrack’s “ideal soldier” has six arms and no legs. Actually, that is sort of how the Army procurement process works, often as not.

  140. Chaze126
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    I think Rex’s “Cheese and crackers” line is just his euphemistic way of saying, “Jesus Christ, Sarah!”

  141. Gilda Radner from the Afterlife
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#98):

    Emily: “What is all this fuss I hear about changing my church to a Koran? The Koran is the holy book of some totally different religion, and I…”

    Frank: “That’s Korean, Miss Litella. Not Koran, Korean.”

    Emily: “Oh, that’s very different . . . (mutters under her breath: “what a load of bulgogi!”) Never mind!”

  142. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one getting a prelapsarian vibe from today’s RMMD? Sarah picks up the forbidden object and acquires forbidden knowledge. June snatches the book away, lest she also learn the secret of eternal life. I look forward to her being cast out of the Morgan household, whose entrance will henceforth be guarded by an angel with a flaming sword.

    Not that I’ve been following RMMD outside of when it’s covered here, but I had assumed that this MacGuffin novel was a semi-serious novel that would require an adult vocabulary to read? But apparently Sarah can plow halfway through it while her parents are entertaining a guest in the next room. I defy you to find me a child who can read at that level, and yet will still chirp in a syrupy-sweet voice about not knowing the difference between boys and girls. I suspect she’s trying to disguise her true level of knowledge until she can complete all of her dark plans.

  143. John C Fremont
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#127): Velveeta on a crisp Ritz cracker? Everything tastes great when it sits on a Ritz. Goooooood cracker. Good cracker.

    RIP, Andy. A bit late, bit RIP anyway. Don’t forget to nip it in the bud up there.

  144. Alison
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: “Gosh, I can’t believe anyone would feel so bad that they want to give up on humanity! What an odd concept!” Oh, get real. Somebody as naive as Mary should not be writing an advice column. It’s pretty obvious she has never had a real problem in her life. Maybe once she left the salmon squares in the oven too long and when she ate them they tasted burned, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to her. Why would a truly suffering person want advice from someone like that?

    Wilbur needs to take back his column. The guy lives with Dawn. At least he knows a little bit about suffering.

  145. seismic-2
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#142): Well, we have been told repeatedly that Foster wrote the book more nearly as a screenplay than a novel, so presumably there are only simple descriptive passages rather than detailed expositions with an elaborate vocabulary. The dialog, too, is probably simple, everyday speech. You know, sex is described as “a roll in the hay” and as “dancing the mortise and tenon”.

  146. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#125):

    Rusty is adopted
    ‘James

  147. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#139):

    C’mon now… that daily story was one I worked on!
    :)
    ‘James

  148. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#81):

    indeed carrion plants have that “cadaver smell”… some of the more bizzare yet beautiful plants I’ve seen… now, a “scratch n’ sniff” version?… that would be S0o0o0o0 COOL!
    ‘James

  149. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#146):

    Most adopted kids still would refer to their adopted parents as Mom and Dad.

    Besides, I thought that Rusty biological mother and he was adopted by Mark when he married Cherry. Is that not correct?

  150. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#149):

    Tha should read:
    @the REAL Mark Trail (#146):

    Most adopted kids still would refer to their adopted parents as Mom and Dad.

    Besides, I thought that Rusty’s biological mother was Cherry and he was adopted by Mark when he married Cherry. Is that not correct?

  151. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#147): And that was a damned nicely-drawn wrapper of the kind of gum people chew when they’re trying to quit smoking.

  152. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#148): And then maybe you could cover the wonderful, and odoriferous world of skunks?

  153. Snarkotix Addict
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    MW I do not like where this is headed. “Writing as ‘Ask Wendy’ feels natural to me.” The ship goes down, Wilbur drowns, Dawn turns her life around, and Mary inherits the “Ask Wendy” franchise. We’ll all be at her mercy when Mary is able to unleash her superior skills of meddling to reach the furthest limits of the cyber-world. No, it’s just not natural. I want Mary to hack her way into people’s lives, one victim at a time, the old-fashioned way – cruising hospital wards, hitting on waitresses at cheap diners, and forcing herself on her neighbors at the Charterstone pool parties.

  154. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#125): Rusty calls Cherry and Mark by their first names because, like Pinocchio, he’s not their biological child. [*] Unlike Pinocchio, I’m not sure he’ll ever become human.

    @Calico (#126): Loweezy a midwife? I always saw her more as a wet nurse. Ever get a good look at those sweater puppies great danes cows?

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#147): Damn! That wasn’t there when I wrote my answer above.

    @Snarkotix Addict (#153): Mrs. Worth doesn’t understand your hostility toward her.

  155. Señor Tortilla
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Pharmacistrix (#120): “Pharmacistrix”? You aren’t related to the departed CC commenter “Aviatrix”, are you?

  156. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#143):
    I’ll bet Mary Worth’s mock apple pie is delicious. Mmmmmm.
    Ritz don’t taste as good to me any more-maybe the recipe changed, or I’m just not digging processed food as much as I used to. They were my favorite some time ago, though.

  157. Señor Tortilla
    July 15th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Now we know Karen Moy looks on Batiuk as an inspiration, I suppose one can only hope that Wilbur drowns in the Mediterranean. If his last words were something sandwich-related, then I’ll eat my own hat.

  158. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#139): Country matters, don’t you know.
    There you go, quoting that smutty Shakespeare again.

    @John C Fremont (#143): Velveeta
    Ack. Frankencheese.

    @Calico (#156): Mock apple pie
    Tammy Faye Bakker had a half-hour show for a while called “Tammy Faye’s House Party,” where they’d be joined by her various close chums — I recall a little person, and a very girthy couple who cried over everything (I called them The Blubbers) — and one day they made Mock Apple Pie. A gourmet treat! Yes, they ate it, too, and made sounds about how good it was and all. Strangely enough, I recorded lots of bits from the ongoing freak show that was the PTL Club, but I don’t recall getting any of this show. Maybe I did and my brain won’t retrieve those memories.

  159. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#155): What? Aviatrix is snarking with Dingo? Why wasn’t I informed?

  160. Snarkotix Addict
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#99): FW – asphyxiate asphyxiate asphyxiate asphyxiate
    It gets worse. A coworker, who did climb Kilimanjaro, told me that we might hope expect that Les will be vomiting, fainting, gasping, and experiencing hypovolemic shock as he nears the summit. Serious stuff.
    Hey! Who’s that snickering in the back row?

  161. Colonel Les Python Moore Python
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    One of the Amazing Race contestants in the last batch used “cheese and crackers” as a minced (and therefore not in need of costly blurring) oath, frequently enough to be annoying. So I choose to see it that way in RM.

  162. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#155):
    Did something happen to her?

  163. Thibault
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#51):
    I think it’s safe to say that Arlo and Janis, as Josh once said about the Forths, “Screw like minks.”

    Let us not forget the handcuff key incident.

  164. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#159): @Der Schnärkïnätör (#162): Aviatrix is fine and well and sailing the blue skies, although she’s having a few problems with wingnuts (so it’s just like Comics Curmudgeon for her).

  165. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

  166. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#164): “Wingnuts” sounds like it could be the title of a new comic.

  167. Chaze126
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#142):
    C’mon, Rita, let’s get that prelapsarian vibe on, you ‘n me, before that evil serpent child, Sarah, gets us all tossed from The Garden. Cheese and crackers? Maybe a maniacal clown?

  168. Snarkotix Addict
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#154): @Snarkotix Addict (#153):
    Mrs. Worth doesn’t understand your hostility toward her.

    Hmm, maybe I should ask Wendy about that.

  169. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Gosh, I hope not. Because that would mean some smartass little boy would be following me around all day making my life difficult. That’s okay if it’s your own kid, but not so much if it’s Dennis.

  170. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#166): Ask and ye shall receive. (The artwork is somewhat lacking, unfortunately.)

  171. Maggie the Cat
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    I fucking hate Sarah Morgan.

  172. Zerowolf
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Damn, Thorax?!?!? Sunday is suppose to be Solange, the only likeable character in McE’s portfolio. The only way I want to see Thorax on a Sunday (or anytime for that matter) is if Solange is ripping his eye balls out and using them for hunting practice.

  173. Jonathan
    July 15th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    General Halftrack’s ideal soldier looks like an insect. Maybe it’s an army ant.

  174. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#170): Ha! I knew it. That’s too good a name not to have been used. Thanks for the research.

    Maybe it could be reused by HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! as he becomes a pilot.

  175. Zerowolf
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#156): They changed the recipe to get rid of the transfats. It’s like tuna just hasn’t tasted the same since they went to dolphin safe nets.

  176. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#175): [Homer Simpson Voice] Hmmmm. Dolphin. [/Homer]

  177. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#166): David “Teddy Harvia” Theyer used to draw characters he called “Wingnuts,” who had wings but no hands. Soccer was their game of choice. I haven’t seen them in the last couple of decades, though.

  178. Zerowolf
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114): Does this mean everytime they say “Iris” [whinnny!] a horse neighs?

  179. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#150):

    No Cherry is not Rustys biological mother
    ‘James

  180. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#151):

    hahahahah… THANKS Frank!
    ‘James

  181. The Divine O'F
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#30): I’m glad you saw the same thing I did. I thought I might have hallucinated this whole episode. Does anyone else besides the two of us read PV?

  182. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#175):
    Oh, gross.
    I can’t stand canned tuna – never liked it in the least. Even the smell makes me gag.

  183. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#169):
    I hope Dennis and widdle Sarah get married one day. Oh, joy.

  184. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

  185. Anonymous
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    BB I love how everything about General Halftrack’s “ideal soldier” is anachronistic. An M1 rifle with bayonet affixed an no scope for “crack shot”. A book for “smart” rather than a sophisticated technological platform such as the systems used for mapping and targeting. A hammer for “hard working” rather than a screw gun or something that one would use for construction here in modern times. A tiny little barbell for “strong” rather than one of the workout machines you see at any military base. A creepy disembodied smile for “happy” rather than… anything not crazily super creepy…and lastly a flag with 13 stars on it, signifying that General Halftrack and Mort Walker Enterprises are rooted mentally somewhere in the 18th century.

    He says nothing about technologically capable, mulit-lingual, culturally adept, personally solvent, non-obese and self-motivating: The kinds of things the military is actually looking for in it’s recruits and soldiers here in the 21st century.

    Where we, like, live and stuff.

  186. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#177): Where were they located? They sound sort of like Mad marginals.

  187. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#117): I work for a theater, and we get reservations through Ticketmaster 9don’t know why anybody would go through them, and pay a fee, but…) Because plenty of places have made it so that’s the only way you can buy a ticket, damn them. Yeah, Broadway Across America, I am looking at you.

  188. Little Guy
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @Vanya (#63): Paige as Dany? Yeah, that would fit. But imagine if Jason extrapolated on “Walking Dead” fandom.

  189. Liam
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    A3G-My god Tommie’s shirt has changed from white to yellow. This is exciting and no one ever says anything happens in this strip on Sundays.

    Beetle Bailey-So the ideal soldier has six arms. The military budget for clothes is going to go through the roof.

  190. Little Guy
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

  191. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#149): According to Wikipedia,

    Rusty – Introduced in 1999, Rusty is the son of an alcoholic and abusive father. Mark’s intervention saved his life, and he was adopted by Trail in 2001.
    Cherry Davis – Longtime (47 years) girlfriend of Mark until they married in 1993, living with Mark and her father (Doc) at Lost Forest; usually a support character, although she has sometimes (e.g., 1998) had her own wildlife adventures.

    I’m not curious enough to track down what happened to his biological mother. Nor to find out if Cherry adopted him, since the Internet says only “adopted by Trail”.

  192. Horace Broon
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): So it is. I honestly couldn’t distinguish between the smaller rectangle on the left intended to indicate quarter-leather binding, and the smaller rectangle on the right intended to indicate the pages seen in perspective. It looked to me like a square with a large rectangle in the centre, and I suspected it might be some sort of tablet computer design I wasn’t familiar with, as if Walker-Browne LLC would know about such things.

  193. Liam
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    MW-Nothing like watching people drown to make you appreciate life and help you get over your ex.

  194. The Ridger
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#181): I was too distracted by Roger’s nose – sharp and pointy in one panel and cute and snub in the next!

  195. Slug
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    “Why would anyone want to roll in the hay? It sounds like fun! I hate fun, because it reminds me how you humans have souls.”

  196. A Mindful Webworker
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#75) and @Cloudbuster (#137):

    Doomed! Will have to change handle to Funny Webworker. Oh no, wait, wait…

  197. KreatureFeatures
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#185): I enjoyed your Beetle Bailey comment. I’m guessing you normally post as Snarkotix Addict.

  198. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Slug (#195): One word. Salt.

  199. Greg K
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan – Later that evening, after “the talk”: “Mommy, do you and Daddy ‘roll in the hay’?…Mommy?…Mommy, why are you crying?”

    “Well, honey, Mommy wishes we lived on a farm”

  200. Liam
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    JP-Cabin Six? Isn’t that the cabin where the woman was violently killed in the shower by the previous owner?

  201. maryworthy
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#143): Dude, that was Barney’s line!!

  202. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#200): Actually, they’ll end up in cabin nine because the number got loose and is hanging upside down. Cabin nine is where they keep all kinds of crap.

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 15th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @A Mindful Webworker (#196): Well played. Like Falstaff, not only witty in thyself, but the cause that wit is in other men.

  204. MWDG
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    MW:

    There are no words that can adequately communicate how enraged I am over Mary’s idiot “no matter what happens, something good happens as a result.”

    Tell that to:
    • The victims of Richard Speck and John Wayne Gacey (oh yeah, we are glad he killed us!)
    • Sharon Tate
    • Kristy MacNichol
    • Tsunami victims
    I am worried (children quit reading this post) that Wilbur is a necrophiliac and will be caught pleasuring himself with a drowned corpse!

  205. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#198): I thought it was “plastics.”

  206. Elk Meadow
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#181):

    *waves hand* I don’t understand why the plants would look sickly, and have dirt around them, as if they’d been newly transplanted. I wonder what–or who–is recently buried under them.

  207. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#37): I only started putting [Old Man] in my handle because more than one person thought “Muffaroo” was a form of “Muffie,” and figured I was a plaid-skirt-wearing preppie chick.

    You say that like it’s a bad thing:

    http://cdn.indulgy.com/r3/2o/uD/76420524896788698IZpWp1wJc.jpg

    I’m sorry, did you say plaid-SHIRT or plaid-SKIRT?

  208. Liam
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    FC-”We were just playing hide and seek, Officer. I have no idea how the kids got into the car and drove it into that lake.”

    RMMD-How old is that child that she doesn’t know the difference between boys and girls? It must be rough in the Morgan household if she thinks that her dad is her mother and wonders why he isn’t wearing a dress.

  209. UncleJeff
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#152): I would love to see a panel of Mark reacting to a good soaking spray from a skunk. Enjoy nature!

  210. darwiniac
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    [b]Beetle Bailey:[/b] More hints that Camp Swampy is not an actual part of the US military. My guess is a bizarre cult/militia moved in after the land was forsaken by the actual Army and, finding a surplus of Korean-era equipment hidden away somewhere, they used that in place of the ceremonial robes and knives they were used to. The Pentagon that fined Halftrack isn’t the headquarters of the DOD, but actually a five-sided idol they constructed from vaguest recollections of what they read in a newspaper once. I can’t think of any other explanation for using rifles and uniforms that were outdated sixty years ago, much less the multi-armed totem of a deformed pseudo-god ur-soldier.

  211. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): Patrick Warburton actually did nine episodes of the live-action Tick:

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0242949/

    @pastordan (#67): I was a little shocked to see an apparent death-by-sturgeon in Dick Tracy, though. They look wicked, but their taste for human flesh is typically limited. They think we’re too fattening, apparently.

    It likes Chinese food, but the poor sturgeon will want to eat again in an hour.

  212. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#181): *waves hand also* I read it! And I don’t know what those plants are, but they are definitely not mareewana.

  213. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#181): Does anyone else besides the two of us read PV?
    They’re missing some great art (by the cousin of a friend of mine) and stories that are so much better than the ones Murphy used to illustrate (Pun Land?) that it’s not remotely the same strip. And Poteet reads it too.

    @Sequitur (#186): Where were they located?
    David drew them as illos for fanzines, and also drew a complete book of them. He eventually tired of the enterprise. They were cheerful — basically as nice as David himself.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#207): I don’t think I want people to believe I look like that. Yeah, they’ll give me expensive presents, but they’ll also talk to me like I have a learning problem.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#211): I stand even correcteder. I must not have been as interested in the live version as I was thinking when I wrote the initial comment.

  214. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#212): It was a long time ago. Plants have evolved. No?
    He grafted hops onto kif roots to disguise the plants, then.

  215. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    DT — Here’s food for thought, so to speak (and sorry, I know I screwed up the quote marks). “Juvenile sturgeons are irrepressibly cute; even normally detached researchers fall under the spell of their charm. ‘In the lab, juveniles demonstrate an uncanny similarity to puppies,’ wrote three sturgeon biologists, ‘swimming in summersaults, wagging their tails and watching with beady, reflective eyes at feeding times. Indeed, when fed a diet of floating pellets, these fish will learn to feed, while ‘belly-up,’ from the surface. This ‘unfishlike’ behaviour often allows an attachment between researcher and subject that is unknown with other fish species.’”

    Awww. I say the rare human being who gets attacked by sturgeon undoubtedly deserves it.

  216. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#214): If he turns out to be some kind of Arthurian Age botanist, I will be impressed, even though right now he seems to be kind of a dick. But even the dicks in PV are more interesting than the dicks in most other strips.

  217. Poteet
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    MW — Per #215, given a choice between going on a cruise with a few juvenile sturgeons and going on a cruise with Wilbur, which would you choose? Me too.

  218. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#88): What should Nina call her baby? In the spirit of Neveah, I’m thinking maybe Lleh.

    How about “Sedah Lleh Gaines”?

    @Calico (#183): I hope Dennis and widdle Sarah get married one day. Oh, joy.

    Except widdle Sarah Morgan is already engaged to Barry Wilkins from “Curtis”!

  219. geekwhisperer
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#197): Oops. Sorry, that was me on Mrs. Geek’s machine.

  220. demoncat
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    rm rex look in the last pannel is one of him avoiding once again a bullet by leaving june to try and explain why sarah should not read the book only to find out he now does not ever have to tell her about the birds and the bees thanks to the book. and june has to explain the true meaning of roll in the hay as iris looks on on at junes embarresment.

  221. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    BB: General Halftrack’s late-life conversion to Hinduism has been expressed in some strange ways. (Josh already covered it but it’s all I’ve got.)

    HtH: Protip: If you want to make Dark Ages torture funny, a pair of forceps resting in hot coals might be a tad too much realism.

    RMMD: Thanks for our daily Uncomfortable Moment of Discomfort, Wilson and Nolan. And of course Rex finding new ways to be an asshole.

    WofI: Okay well, I guess congratulations to the legacy cartoonists for being hep to the Strolling Bones having their 50th anniversary this year. But when exactly is this supposed to be, anyway? The troubadour’s troupe will be displaced by a band that hit it big in ’64-’65, so I guess this is early in the Kennedy administration?

    FW: Whiny prick. Even the women he hallucinates are wasted on him.

    C-Shaft: The leaf blower is also great for when you’ve got something itchy in your eye. But don’t take my word for it.

    SFx: Ah, the felon is/was an expectant mother. Perhaps a she-platypus who, abandoned by her lover, worried that she wouldn’t be able to feed and clothe her hatchling. Slylock might well urge the prosecution to exercise mercy in her case except, no, he won’t.

    S-M: The costumed criminal who got fired from the show is now the most important cast member. Wonder what that does for the morale of everyone who’s actually in the play?

    MW: A quote from a Holocaust survivor leads into Mary’s lightweight blather about showing Ask Wendy readers the big picture. Anyone looking for a definition of “bathos” could not look in a better place.

    PV: Medieval Northern English is, it turns out, not the best place to try and start a coca planations.

    GA: Check it out, everybody! Scancarelli’s on a Benadryl high and he thinks he’s drawing a strip about an anthropomorphic moose.

    M-Dawg: Phil knows better than to go with the “Honey, if you want me to give you a bone…” retort.

    HOTC: “Reddenbacher, Orville Reddenbacher.”

  222. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

  223. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#221): HOTC: “Reddenbacher, Orville Reddenbacher.”

    “Nessman, Les Nessman.” also works:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Nessman

  224. seismic-2
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#216): But even the dicks in PV are more interesting than the dicks in most other strips.

    Although, as has been noted previously, the incompetent wizard in PV who unleashed the golem a few months ago does bear an uncomfortable resemblance to Avery Blackstone.

  225. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Here is the essence of my personality: Confronted with today’s Thorax-a-palooza in 9CL, I find myself not horrified by the verbosity, nor perturbed by the hideous visage of a giant Thorax in an evening gown, but instead wanting to throw a book about saurian evolution at Thorax’s Brooke’s head.

  226. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#88):
    Maybe they will name her “Kudzu.” : )
    Hey, this invasive plant stuff is important! Perhaps Charterstone will be invaded by some horrific alien plant species, and Mary will have to resort to her mighty rose-annihilating tactics to save the complex and all within.

  227. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#48): I was admiring your paddlefish earlier; I’m impressed. :)

  228. commodorejohn
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#221): Well, now, that casts an interesting new light on The Wizard of Id. Rather than being a poorly-run but otherwise unremarkable European petty monarchy of some nebulously-medieval time, it is a poorly-run European petty monarchy that has anachronistically survived as such into the mid-20th century, a sort of dark counterpart to the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. This explains the numerous seeming anachronisms in the strip; doubtless the reason that the perpetually-disgruntled peasants haven’t attempted a revolution is that the CIA has been funneling cash and weapons to the King’s forces, on the off chance that the Id peasantry might consider going Soviet.

    Congratulations, you’ve cracked it!

  229. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#99): Re: Nina, three words: Too much Botox.

  230. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#116): I really need to read *all* the thread before commenting…

  231. Calico
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

  232. Baka Gaijin
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#226): Ha ha. I’m imaging the geriatric gardener purple tights and pink cape just snip, snip, snipping the constantly growing vine. Snip!

  233. Liam
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Sadly the soldiers at Camp Swampy aren’t fit enough to have their arms hacked off and attached to the body of the soldier used to create this freaky super soldier.

  234. Droopy Says
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#225): Dinosaurs? Is that what he was talking about? I saw the wall of text, didn’t see Solange, and decided the odds were low that McEch would get off another funny line so soon. Is what he wrote horrifyingly bad enough to be funny, or do you need Google’s English/Pretentious translator to read it?

  235. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#227):

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#48): I was admiring your paddlefish earlier; I’m impressed. :)

    Now now, Rana; no blatant flirting with the artist.

  236. Droopy Says
    July 15th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    I read 9 Clownweed Lane and it turns out I guessed righ. There wasn’t anything funny today. I like being right. However, some things come at too high a price.

  237. yaoi huntress earth
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: Does anyone else think Brooke has some closet cross-dressing tendencies?

  238. Sgt. Stoned
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    BB: Ha-ha! It’s funny because the idea of the Pentagon fining anybody for exceeding their budget is ludicrious.

  239. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#150): Our adopted son refers to us as Mama and “Bear” or “Monster.” He’ll grudgingly refer to me as “Papa,” but never “Dad.” “Dads are evil. They run away,” he says.

  240. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#128): I’ve wondered that, too. It seems that Get Fuzzy has devolved into repeated iterations of “Bucky misunderstands something and is a jerk; Satchel is stupid and doesn’t get it; Rob watches bemusedly.” I remember when it actually had plots, like with Bucky going head to head with the ferret next door, and rather miss them.

  241. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

  242. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#215): That’s rather adorable!

    (I now demand a sturgeon plush.)

  243. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#239):
    Well, I know of a number of adopted kids (myself and sister included) and they all call their adopted parents Mom and Dad.

    Personally, I find it odd that Rusty uses their first names, but that’s how I was raised. I do realize that some parents are OK with that practice though.

    But as MT seems to be set in the 1950s or so, I think that it’s especially odd.

  244. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#234): Alas, it’s not funny at all. Basically giant Thorax represents what will happen to humans in several thousand years, based on what happened with the dinosaurs, or some rot like that. It’s completely stupid, unfunny, and weird… Thorax-based strips in a nutshell, in other words.

  245. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#236): I’m sorry I didn’t post soon enough to spare you that. :/

  246. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#243):
    Then again, we were adopted as babies.

    I guess things may be different if one adopts an older child.

  247. pastordan
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#243): Oh, yeah, wasn’t trying to make a blanket statement. MT seems to be set not in the 1950′s but some alternative universe where the goddamn hippies never took over, so your guess is as good as mine about what constitutes normal address for parental figures…

  248. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#246): Sarah was adopted at 13 months. We went back to China with her last year, and I think she grasped the enormity of the place finally, and is seeing what the odds against ever finding her birth parents really are. Poor kid. She’s ten now.

  249. greghousesgf
    July 15th, 2012 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Archie: That joke was used on “A Bit Of Fry and Laurie’ and they did it a LOT better.

  250. Cloudbuster
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#208): What makes you think Rex doesn’t wear a dress?

  251. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#223): Ah yes, good ol’ Les. Always there when turkey drops go wrong.

  252. Illustrator Steve
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Wonderful oddity of narture, Rusty Trail has been waiting at fresh water lakes and streams since the Jurassic period for his father to take him fishing.”

  253. Droopy Says
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#245): It’s not your fault that I ignored the warnings labels–the strip is clearly labelled “9 Chickweed Lane” and “Brooke McEldowney.” Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish cleaning the inside of my skull. Some steel wool and acetone should remove the last clinging splotches of Thorass.

  254. Sequitur
    July 15th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#253): Try my method, the reverse burp. Not only does it clear the brain pan but exits the unclean from your body with one bodacious fart.

    Caution: Do not allow loved ones to stand behind you during this process.

  255. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 16th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#253): Try Clorax.

  256. Not Worth It
    July 16th, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#185): His military knowledge, though he’s plucky and adventury, has only been brought down to the beginning of the century, you know.

    The fact that my mind instantaneously began reciting that the minute I saw your post kind of tells me that I may be someone else not exactly rooted in the 21st century….

  257. Charly
    July 16th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#19):

    #COTW for your Mary Worth comment

  258. Droopy Says
    July 16th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: Who delivered the baby? FedEx?

    Creepy Les: The hallucination says nothing as it makes a quick getaway. The real person stays close and talks with Les. The only way Les can see smart people is to hallucinate them, and even then they can’t stand him.

    Family Circus: Dolly, life would be much easier if you removed the curse of the undead from your brother. And put his head on the right way while you’re at it.

    Mock Trail: And, um, Dolly? When you get done uncursing PJ, we’ve got a bigger job for you.

    Pluggers: Looks like Pluggers evolved in LoFo. Don’t tell me how they got Mark Trail’s DNA.

    Mary Mirthless: As a native Californian it shames me to say this, but, Down, you’re a Californian. You should know what an earthquake feels like. You should also know that earthquakes happen on land, and you’re on a frickin’ huge boat. Now think of what else can go wrong on a boat.

    Motel Hell: Eventually, nothing happened.

    Spiderzero: At last our hero meets his biggest fans. Will he let them down when they ask for autographs?

  259. Droopy Says
    July 16th, 2012 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#254): Okay. Reading 9CL is definitely behind me, so I’ll give that a whirl.

  260. Droopy Says
    July 16th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#255): If I get desperate enough, I’ll try an unadorned ax. I’m really attached to my skull but sometimes desperate measures are required.

  261. Maggie the Cat
    July 16th, 2012 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    7/16 A3G- Are you f’n kidding me?

  262. Maggie the Cat
    July 16th, 2012 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    7/16 A3G- Let’s just leave the newly born child teetering on the edge of a stack of cushions while you hop right up and kiss your husband…. yeah, nothing wrong or unrealistic with this scenario.

  263. Sequitur
    July 16th, 2012 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#262): That child is doomed.

    See? This is what happens when maniacal clowns are allowed to mate.

  264. Sequitur
    July 16th, 2012 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    BB: Oh, look. A three-way!

  265. Mr. O'Malley
    July 16th, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    A-3G: It’s like there’s a war going on. Margaret has been plotting scripts that are more and more challenging for Frank to draw, and he stubbornly refuses to draw anything but fully clothed people from the waist up, even though the dialogue says stuff like “Now that you’re down on all fours…” or “I can see that you’re fully dilated.” But finally he’s snapped and tossed out an entire week of scripts as being undrawable, so now the blanket-wrapped infant appears to have materialized from nowhere while Nina has been sitting on the couch. It appears to be growing rapidly, gaining about 30% from one panel to the next, but then her mother’s arms have become freakishly long at the same time, so it’s probably genetic. But if a door can materialize, why not an infant?

    I hope this little game keeps up. It is becoming more and more hilarious.

  266. Sequitur
    July 16th, 2012 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#265): See? This is what happens when maniacal clowns are allowed to make comics.

  267. Liam
    July 16th, 2012 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Another intentionally terrible Bialystock and Bloom production is ruined by something that turns it into the most popular play in town.

  268. Liam
    July 16th, 2012 at 5:41 am [Reply]

    MT-In times of stress Rusty will change back to his feral state.

  269. gleeb
    July 16th, 2012 at 6:13 am [Reply]

    3-G: And their long life of child neglect begins. Sorry, kid, life is brutal.

    Gil: I think it’s a more realistic take on Wally Winkerbean.

    Sam & Avery’s Working Vacation!: All Sam knows how to “cook” is a glass of wine.

  270. John C Fremont
    July 16th, 2012 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    @maryworthy (#201): Sure, but it was Andy that was supposed to do the nipping. By an amazing coincidence, though, Wilbur Weston has turned into Mr. Limpet in the second panel of Mary Worth. That may not be karma in the true sense, but it’s a sort of Halftrackian version.

  271. Little Guy
    July 16th, 2012 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Putting aside the disappropriate punishment, why take out a dollar when there’s probably as much loose change in the couch?

  272. CanuckDownSouth
    July 16th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    The baby’s out without Nina so much as loosening her collar – much less her skirt, getting panties off… This year’s entry in the Top the Never-Drawn Piano sweepstakes is “any evidence of disrobing”.

  273. Quibbling Potatoes
    July 16th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Eight years of Comics Curmudgeoning perfectly boiled down into one sentence: “Meanwhile, I’m having a hard time parsing how I feel about the politics of this Hagar the Horrible strip.”

  274. Tonya
    July 16th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    RM – I’m disturbed by the adults’ thinly veiled expressions of delight upon discovering their child reading “50 Shades of Alcohol Abuse”. We’ve entered some sick territory, here. Is this what constitutes filler material?? For the love of potstickers–end the storyline already!

  275. KreatureFeatures
    July 17th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#219): You were my next guess. I knew it was one of the more talented and prolific regular posters.

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