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Apartment 3-G, 7/16/12

This … but … I … what? We have been cheated of our dramatic and hilarious birthing scene! I mean, I didn’t expect to see the baby crowning or anything, but I was hoping at least for some “Push! Here it comes!” action or whatever. It all happened so quickly that it appears Tommie didn’t even need to unfold that towel sitting on the radiators. Is that a bar of blue soap sitting on the table? Did Tommie at least wash that baby off before sticking her into what I’m sure is Nina’s very expensive towel, or is it all covered with birth-goo? Damn it, I need closure on a lot of things!

Mary Worth, 7/16/12

Mary Worth, on the other hand, I fully trust to give us every single detail of the slow but hilarious sinking of Dawn and Wilbur’s dream cruise. Will the baffled passengers come up with improbable explanations for their plight? Will they all touch their faces in terror? Yes and yes! Let’s hope it goes on for weeks and never ends!

Spider-Man, 7/16/12

Every once in a while Newspaper Spider-Man remembers that it’s in a real live New York City and tries to give us a little bit of genuine local flavor. These guys in panel two, for instance, are no doubt supposed to be deeply ironic hipsters from Williamsburg, who are dressing like 1980s punks and and talking like 1950s beatniks as part of some kind of inscrutable guerrilla performance art project. They are also implying that Spider-Man is good at superheroism, because they are extremely sarcastic.

Six Chix, 7/16/12

“I’m talking about my eyes here. I’m pretty sure I’m going blind!”