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Metapost: Want adventure? Join the JUNGLE PATROL!!!!

Lots of people seem ready and eager to quit and join the Jungle Patrol! After all, who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses? While I can’t help you meet the grueling physical and mental requirements for Jungle Patrol membership, thanks to a pair of faithful readers I can help outfit you for that trip to the recruitment center!

First off, from faithful reader The Spectacular Spider-Brick, comes this design for everyone who’s ever wanted to quit and join the Jungle Patrol:

If you’re interested in making clear just exactly who’s tougher than the pirates you’ll fight in the Jungle Patrol, check out this design from faithful reader Steve Downer:

(For that second design, the top graphic is on the front of the shirt, the bottom is on the back.)

Both are available on various shirts at the Comics Curmudgeon store! As usual, the initial offerings are very basic, so feel free to e-mail me if there’s something else you’d want one of these graphics on. (At the moment, I’m too graphics-dumb to get the lady cops and waitresses one on dark shirts — Steve, if you can send me a version that’s a transparent PNG, that would help me!)

123 responses to “Metapost: Want adventure? Join the JUNGLE PATROL!!!!”

  1. cheech wizard
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses? Not PJ, after Jeffy and Dolly braise him in his own juices for 3 hours in a medium oven. I still say those were oven mitts yesterday.

  2. Gold-Digging, Jungle-Patrolling Nanny
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Too awesome for words!

  3. Gold-Digging, Jungle-Patrolling Nanny
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Teegee and Solocardate — now that I’m almost done with my show at BLT, we should plan another MudgeMeet. Hopefully my Jungle Patrol T-shirt will arrive in time.

  4. cheech wizard
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Great designs – but why not combine them in a single shirt? Jungle Patrol up front, lady cops and waitresses in back.

  5. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Dang. Steve did a nice job on those designs.

    Luann: [Insert "in and out" joke here]

    BC: So how long has the Fat Broad been with the LAPD?

    MC: “Must kill Norm, he knows too much” would make a good T-shirt too.”

    9CL: The squick factor is squared, maybe even cubed, if you imagine Juliette’s string of dirty talk as starting with the words “I want to.”

    JP: Look at Gloria, squeezing her eyelids and her dirty pillows together for Steve. Down girl!

    H&L: Keep lifting with your back, Chip. You can use that excuse in no time.

    SFx: Bang bang, Boo Boo Silver Hammer came down on their heads…

    S4th: Lucy Liu is so screwed.

    FC: Ah, savor the intrafamily hostility in the Keane kompound. They’re starting to enter Luann/Lockhorns territory.

    OBH: I laughed. When they’re on they’re on.

    Momma: So that’s where Kafka’s absurdist hero Josef K went.


    GA: Oh no. Mac is starting to look like Orville Reddenbacher. How many postal customers will he have to kill before he starts looking like Don Knotts again.

    A3G: “Must kill Gabriellla. She knows too much.”

    DT: Dick Locher has no illusions. He just put his own name under the painting everyone calls “disgusting.”

    Shoe: The counterbird at the ice cream shop looks inexplicably shocked. Either she somehow saw the doctor’s appointment in panel one, or this is the first time an obese man has ever come in to order ice cream.

    DtM: Yes Dennis. They were also made before the invention of nudity. Makes you wonder how the Baby Boom happened.

  6. cheech wizard
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    GT – Isn’t that Kool-Aid Man burning up in there? No wonder Maureen is going “oh, no!” And isn’t Maureen about 35, based on the second panel? Maybe she’s doing one of those go-back-to-high-school-and-write-about-it articles – that would explain all the photos.

  7. Baka Gaijin Kusamuru Keiei
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    #158 True Fable (yesterpost): Thanks! I finally had an inspiration. And I’ve joined the Jungle Patrol, Far East Division!

  8. leathermessiah
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Oh god, oh god, will by buying a Quitter shirt ASAP. I’m taking a gigantic and terrifying exam that will determine the future of my academic career and for the last several days I’ve been yelling “I quit! I’m joining the JUNGLE PATROL! in frustration, much to the bafflement of pretty much everyone.

    However, an I Quit jr. raglan shirt would be AMAZING. ‘Cause when I get that one, I’m also getting a Work It Like A Claw shirt, and having two of the same t-shirt is just unacceptable, y’know how it is… uh… yeah.

  9. Gabe
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]


  10. Mad Dog Rackham
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: In the real world mail carriers belong to a union and there is due process when a complaint is received.

    The strip apparently takes place in a Republican fantasy world where there are no unions and workers must comply with every whim of the managerial overclass.

    Do you think if I file a complaint against the strip’s writer that he’ll be put on indefinite temporary suspension?

  11. Maughta
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Pink collar workers unite! Lady cops and waitresses, librarians and nurses, secretaries and telephone operators, UNITE!

  12. Brown-eyed Girl Scout of the Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Yea! Thank you Josh of the Jungle Patrol. You spoil us.

  13. Cmdr. Spunky N. Tadpole, Jungle Patrol (ret.)
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    # 10 – MDR : Yes, a Comics Complaint Bureau would definitely help: but then, what would all we ‘mudges have to do with our web time??

  14. Bobdog, Jungle Patrol Snarking Unit
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    The design firm that works for Together Christians needs to adjust the ad a bit more so the nice lady’s boobies are pointing directly at “Join for FREE” button. The easiest thing to do would be to just remove one of the bullet, I mean crucifixion, points.

  15. Cmdr. Spunky N. Tadpole, Jungle Patrol (ret.)
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Also: anyone else have problems with posting comments in the last 2 hours or so?

    Or is it just that the Jungle Patrol is tapping my line?

  16. Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    13-Commander, I think we ARE the complaint department!

  17. ltrftp Hedly
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Anyway, who is the guy in the last panel of FW?

    Please tell me it is not Gerry Ford.


  18. Amanda
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Awesome designs! I’m not sure if it’s as good as Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! but it’s still pretty cool. :)

    By the way, I am going ram my foot through my computer monitor if Vera in Mary Worth doesn’t get on with it. I’m pretty new, so I’m not sure. Are they trying to create suspense by only putting up one line of the conversation each day, or is this pretty usual for Mary Worth? If it turns out to be that Vera is just polling for Obama or something, I propose that we all get together and beat the hell out of whoever writes for this cartoon.

  19. Uncle Lumpy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    #17 ltrftp –

    No, that’s freaking Harry Dinkle, who is being sactified by Batiuk because he’s based on a real guy who apparently has a Polaroid of Tom with a goat.

    He’s Band Hat Guy from the first generation, then tragic hearing loss and elevation to Music Director and blah blah blah.

    Why do comics writers need to elevate their characters? THESE ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE NICE TO THEM. Batiuk of all people should know that, fer Chrissake.

  20. Uncle Lumpy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    “sanctified.” Crap.

  21. Jamus Of The Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    The designs look terrific, Steve. I’m gonna buy one next chance I get.
    Let’s get to it, shall we?
    9CL: I seem to remember a comic with a similar theme. The cover said ‘”Adults Only”. It was too much even for me. I know, it was Cherry Poptart. She was making it with her mom. Nice artwork, reminescent of Archie at his best, but there was no sale that day…
    FOOB: Take notes here April. At some point, you’re gonna be changing John’s adult diapers on a regular basis. He’s gonna rant about how the kids don’t understand the “popular culture” and that Elvis is not old. That means time for meds.
    Judge Parker: Things are looking up. Looks like Gloria’s about to learn a very valid truth from former Sgt. Steve. “Once you go wood, nothin’s as good”.
    Sally Forth: Sally kind of reminds me of another soccer coach here. That would be Coach McGurk, as voiced by Jon Benjamin on Home Movies. Only Sally’s not drinking beers, leering at the school nurse, or tracing her varicose veins during practice.

  22. Chris
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean was moderately funny 20 years ago…the overnight shift to adulthood, entailing drunk driving, severed limbs, marriage on the rocks, life during wartime, and, most of all, cancer, remission, cancer, false remission, deterioration and death, all of this accompanied by an astounding abundance of smirks.

    This has been superseded by a leap into the future, which looks just like the present (hey, who’s president anyway?), except that hairlines have receded, wrinkles have set in, and paunches have appeared.

    The smirks remain the same, however.

  23. Blynneda
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    These designs look great! I’ve been meaning to quit and join the Jungle Patrol! and now I have no excuse.

  24. True Jungle Fable Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    #18 Amanda – It’s pretty much par for the course for Mary Worth – I mean, this is a woman who spent week upon week of spouting platitudes over a lost beagle, for Pete’s sake.

    My main problem with Karen Moy’s writing is that she tends to look like she’s gearing up the week for a big Sunday panel showdown, but it often turns out to be just as insipid and pointless as the dailies. It gives Joe Giella too much time to make everyone in the strip look like they are constipated and/or heavily sedated.

    Welcome and enjoy the ride, darlin’ – it’s about time for Karen to pull out one of her sure-fire “torn from today’s headlines” type of stories, so there’s no telling which headline is going to get torn a new one this time. >:D

  25. Islamorada Girl, Jungle Patrol Reporting for Duty
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    GA does not operate in the real world of USPS at all. In the next county up from, the Postmaster spent all his worktime looking at porn on his computer. After many, many complaints, some from the public,
    he was transferred to another position in the PO where he has a private office and can watch all the porn he wants. You can’t pry these people out of there with a spatula. They’re there for life, and I’m not sure, but I think some of them are the undead.

    But I will console myself with a fine, fine Jungle Patrol t-shirt!

  26. Lt. Deena, MSN, LCSW, Phd, FOS in Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    I can’t find it, but somebody yesterthread commented upon the lack of an audience for the FW band competition. As a parental veteran of many, many such statewide competitions, it’s not that unusual for the audience to be pretty small. Small audiences are more the rule than the exception for solo and small group competitions, but even the bigger band and orchestra meets don’t always get the audience support they deserve :-(

  27. Josh
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    #8 leathermessiah — Jr. raglans (and, for good measure, baseball jerseys) now up for both designs!


  28. DancesAboutArchitecture
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    What, no “military green” in the women’s style?

  29. Cmdr. Spunky N. Tadpole, Jungle Patrol (ret.)
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    OK: I realize it’s a couple of posts late for the “make nice” comments, but I actually got a laugh out of today’s Cathy” (always a suprise).

    Of course, it being Cathy the poor composition and fussy artwork spoiled the joke a bit: but at least, for once, it didn’t make me go “Accck!”.

  30. Cmdr. Spunky N. Tadpole, Jungle Patrol (ret.)
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Aha! my posting problem seems to have to do with putting (or trying to put) a HTML link in comments (in this case, the Houston Chron page link for today’s “Cathy”)- none of my browsers would finish either the “Preview” or “Post” functions.

    A fluke? A glitch on the Tadpole Global Network? Do we need to alert the Jungle Patrol Tech Battalion?

  31. Jym of the Rainforest Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    =v= The Jungle Patrol is fine and all that, but the Rainforest Patrol gets more chocolate.

  32. Godzooky
    January 26th, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    #30 Cmdr. Spunky N. Tadpole: Since the CC site crashed earlier this week, WordPress has been unable to process embedded HTML links. But this type of link to Cathy works:

    (Now that I’ve read today’s, I apologize in advance to anyone who follows the above link)

  33. Lou Shumaker, Jungle Patrol Reject
    January 26th, 2008 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Those jungle patrol shirts look pretty nifty, Josh. I’ll have to check my PayPal bin and look under the cushions.

    Now for some free-roaming snark:

    A3G: Margo seems distressed in the last panel, as if she realized that she might have feelings after all. Who does a big-city girl have to kill to get rid of them?

    C-Shaft: Things are looking up. With the prospect of burning down the neighbor’s house, only Crank-puss takes the lead in the menacing competition.

    Get Fuzzy: “This script is awful, Bucky, and more than a little offensive.” Bucky is obviously modeled after Kevin Smith. Wonder if it has donkey sex in it?

  34. Saluki
    January 26th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Considering the quality of the art in Dick Tracy I’m thinking that those people in the art gallery, who are disgusted by what they are seeing, must to be looking at Gil Thorp originals.

  35. Godzooky
    January 26th, 2008 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    #32 me: That is, anyone who follows the link and feels differently about it than Cmdr. Tadpole does. Different strokes and all that. For example, Bizarro tends to make me smile or laugh, but, from what I’ve seen, several ‘mudges have the opposite reaction.

  36. Cmdr. Spunky N. Tadpole, Jungle Patrol (ret.)
    January 26th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @ #32 – Godzooky:

    Thanks for the heads-up on the links: I’m glad I read your post before yanking all the motherboards out of the Tadpole Central Massive Processing Units for the alcohol treatment*.

    Oh, and no apologies necessary. Well, strictly speaking there should be, but since they should come from Cathy Guisewite, I guess we’ll have to wait a bit longer….

    * I treat myself with the alcohol, internally. That way the motherboards aren’t harmed: but I can deal with the tech problems much more easily….

  37. Jungle Parolee
    January 26th, 2008 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Does the “I Quit” graphic come in wallpaper-sized?

  38. NotThatJunglePatrolGuy
    January 26th, 2008 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    OMG, those are so great! Kudos, Spectacular Spider Brick ‘n’ JPatrolman Downer.

  39. Tili
    January 26th, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Wow, those Jungle Patrol shirts are really something! Lucky for me my birthday’s coming up – I’ll have to drop a few hints to the other ‘mudge in my school. (He doesn’t comment, unfortunately. I’m working on that.)

  40. Tili
    January 26th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Oh, just looked at the designs again and realized how awesome that coat of arms on the back of the “Tougher” design is. On the whole, I prefer the “I Quit” design because it’s easier to read and easier to explain, but that coat of arms is pretty incredible. I’d buy a shirt with just that on it.

  41. Mel
    January 26th, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Bobdog, I do believe that she has accepted Jesus Christ as her personal bust enhancer. He doth lift them up and he doth separate them. Amen.

    Josh, if you are taking further requests, an “I quit” thong would rock.

  42. Kumquat
    January 26th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Preteena would be much better if the final line were replaced with “Maybe I’ll just quit and join the Jungle Patrol”.

    But that wouldn’t kill the squick factor of mother and daughter competing to look sexy for dad, and getting jealous over the neighbor girl. This plot would have been unremarkable in a strip like Luann – I can easily see a storyline where Luann and Tiffany fight over for a hot artist guy, and get upset when he picks someone else to model for him. But it’s nothing short of disturbing in a family setting, especially with such a young-looking father. I’m beginning to think that he’s actually a recently acquired trophy spouse, not much older than his new stepchildren.

    Mary Worth – Vera is about to confess to Drew that she has herpes.

  43. Kumquat, Jungle Citrus Fruit
    January 26th, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Also, I’d be very tempted by a shirt with just the Jungle Patrol coat of arms on it.

  44. commodorejohn
    January 26th, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Conclusion: beige is NOT a good wall color.

    BB – Just be glad he didn’t stumble onto Sarge.

    DTM – Gee, this joke has only been used five thousand times in this strip. And another five thousand in Family Circus.

    DT – As with the bulldozer panel a few weeks back, I think panel one today will eventually become a classic of late-00s pop art.

    FC – Eat crusts to make your hair curly? What the hell?

    FOOB – Ho ho, that lousy ex-husband sure is an assclown, eh, Lynn? Ho ho ho!

    FW – Ho ho, the one thing he loves above all else and he can’t hear it! Laugh riot!

    GA – What the…he’s gone from Don Knotts to my old computer science professor!?

    HTH – That was not what I thought Helga meant by “mature.”

    JP – What’s with the anime happy-eyes? Is Judge Parker turning into the world’s most stoically un-hentai visual novel?

    MT – “Huh, villains. They’re a mystery, those rascals. Well, back to the portaging.”

    Marmaduke – Marmaduke has finally killed Owner-Man, apparently by dragging him to death.

    MW – Oh God, she is pregnant.

    NS – What the hell does that even mean? “The polls show that extinction is a near certainty?”

    PC – Hello goodbye!


    SM – And Spider-Man got distracted by a widescreen TV display and Godero was found neatly divided into chunks the next morning.

    TDIET – I don’t recall ever having seen a “He’s heard it all before” before.

    Zits – She almost forgave him because he thought stalking was romantic? I’m confused.

  45. Capt Big Sims a typical fat-armed sailor of the Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    My name says it all.
    Congrats The Spectacular Spider-Brick & Steve Downer! Great designs!

  46. SecretMargo, Jungle Patrol (Secret Service, of course)
    January 26th, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    Fantastic designs, dudes. Two SecretThumbs, way up!

    (Wow, I was not prepared for how dirty that sounded. Sorry.)

  47. The Wild Sow
    January 26th, 2008 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    <blockquote cite=FC – Eat crusts to make your hair curly? What the hell?

    Old wives’ tale — hey, I’m an old wife; I know this stuff!

    Parents used to tell their kids eating the breadcrusts would make hair curly to get ‘em to not waste bread. I haven’t heard it in years though.

  48. queek
    January 26th, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    21: That would be Cherry and “Mrs P” after the first issue. I do believe Kellogs legal department had a word with Welz about that. ;-)

  49. FleaBailey
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Just what century are Mark Trail and Rex Morgan, M.D. living in, anyway? Both are stuck “in the mountains” with dangerous criminals after them, and NEITHER ONE has a cellphone?

  50. ChattyGenes of the Jungle Patrol, Far East Division
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    The following song parody is dedicated to all strips in which there’s a continuing storyline. We can sing this just after reading the new day’s comics and realizing that they’re all a bunch of schlock, and that really, nothing has happened since yesterday. (Which means that you can sing it pretty often.)

    (to the tune of “Tomorrow” from the musical ANNIE)

    (VERSE #1)
    The plots will pick up tomorrow
    Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
    Will be fun
    Just thinkin’ about tomorrow
    Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
    Til there’s none
    When I’m stuck with an arc that’s dull and boring
    I just stick out my chin and grin and hope…that…
    The plots will pick up tomorrow
    And the CC posts will be so many
    We can’t cope
    the comics
    will be great
    No more will
    we sigh and mope!

    (VERSE #2)
    The plots will pick up tomorrow
    Charterstone will tell that Gossip, Mary,
    To move out
    Mark Trail will get an offer
    On his old log cabin in Lost Forest
    And sell out
    And you’d think in a strip that’s called ‘Judge Parker’
    That we maybe could actually have a trial…oh…
    Rex Morgan will sleep with Niki,
    Finally proving that he IS a closet
    We’ll all have
    lots more fun
    on CC
    Than we’ve had
    in a long while.

    (VERSE #3)
    The FOOBS will all die tomorrow
    Nevermore will we all have to look at
    Those dumb buns
    The Coffee-Talk glurge tomorrow
    Will be full of fans who are lamenting
    ‘Cause it’s done
    All except for a certain Mister Fable
    Who will stick out his chin and grin and say…oh…
    “Well, shit, it was fun to snark on
    Even so, I’m glad that it’s all done now
    Come what may
    A new strip
    can debut
    ‘Cause Johnston
    has gone away!”

  51. Lt. Deena, MSN, LCSW, Phd, FOS in Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    =Off topic=

    OK…I just watched “Brokeback” again and cried harder this time than I did the first time. Bring on the snark, I need cheering up!!

  52. Kumquat, Jungle Citrus Fruit
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    #49 – Rex (or rather, his “little brother” Niki) does, in fact, have a cell phone – they’ve even mentioned in a couple of recent strips that they’re too deep in the wilderness to get a signal, and thus cannot call the cops.

    Mark Trail, on the other hand, lives in the Land That Technology Forgot.

  53. infallible
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Josh, I was looking at Cafepress info, and they don’t allow front and back printing on the dark shirts. Stupid, I know. I was thinking of a symbol on the front and JUNGLE PATROL on the back on military green (like those shirts police wear during Mardi Gras), but feh!

  54. commodorejohn
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    #51 Lt. Deena, MSN, LCSW, Phd, FOS in Jungle Patrol – *insert Rex/Niki joke here*

  55. Lt. Deena, MSN, LCSW, Phd, FOS in Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    54. *snort* How approps! :)

  56. Poteet of the Jungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    # 50 — Nicely done, ChattyGenes!

  57. andreavis
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Geez, I go away for a few weeks and everyone up and quits, to join the Jungle Patrol?? Who will marry the ketchup bottles now?

  58. Rainbird
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mary Wroth

    So, how many betted that Vera was bonking her bother, raise their hands.

    Now, perhaps the story can move a little faster, now that it is out in the open.

  59. Rainbird
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    ChattyGenes of the Jungle Patrol, Far East Division #50 Great, now I’m going to be singing that every day. :)

  60. Cavour
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Would it be possible to get a sticker of the Jungle Patrol coat of arms? I love it.

  61. Toronto
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    I’m just curious, but do the artists/writers of the strips we so lovingly snark about ever get a JoshWear T-shirt? (Other than Bob Weber Jr, of course, who designed the official Casandra Cat shirt.)

    Maybe if DePaul and Ryan had “Jungle Patrol!” shirts they’d give us more great plots like this one.

    (BTW, I’m reading ‘The Funnies” by J. Robert Lennon. So far, it’s great, if a little depressing. Reminds me a bit of Copeland, but with a lower Zippy factor.)

  62. Bobdog, Jungle Patrol, Monkey Training Unit
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Okay, so perhaps we’re closer to some sort of idea as to what Vera wants to talk to Drew about, but I can’t tell if that’s her brother Von or some other dude — all these white people look the same.

    Poor Drew’s gonna have whiplash from the way he, well, whipped his head around — too bad as a real doctor, he’ll doesn’t believe in chiropractors.

  63. True Fable of the Roopville Jungle
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    #50 Chatty Genes/ Far East Division – VERY nice, my dear! Let’s see the kiddies try to use THAT to audition at Tiny Tot Theater this summer, heh heh heh!

  64. C. , Jungle Patrol Precinct Chief
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    The first design would be better if it didn’t have the words “The Phantom” or the strip date on it. Aside from the usual hand-wringing for copyright and trademark matters, the design works out of context, and this is a multi-strip storyline, and as such not tied to one strip.

    Baby Blues: Darryl’s only thinking about beer because the availability of the other thing in his immediate line thought has gone down precipitously since he became part of family unit.

    SFx: Love the puffs of smoke that are somehow coming out of a toy car.

  65. Gabacho, HR Senior Manager, Jungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    A short reminder that while the Jungle Patrol encourages creative dressing on non-client execution days, all Jungle Patrolers are expected to be in the new uniform for any client facing situations.

    Exceptions may only be approved by your immediate manager and must have a valid reason noted in your HR file.

    Valid reasons include, but are not limited to, religious objections e.g. “Christ, that shirt makes me look bald.”, health reasons e.g. “Goodness, that shirt makes me look fat” or deeply held ethical reasons e.g. “That color really doesn’t look good on me.”

    Forgetting to do your laundry because you were analyzing the second panel of a Mark Trail comic for possible plagiarism, does not constitute a valid excuse.

    If you have any questions or concerns about this policy, please feel free to bring them up to each other in the lunch room or at coffee break or on those damn IM’s you under-30′s are always sending.

    Human Resources appreciates your cooperation in maintaining a professional appearance in the jungle we call work.

  66. Lt. Deena, of theJungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Mr. Gabacho, HRSM, sir! Permission to wear my labrys around my neck on the mission, sir? As well as being a lovely necklace, it does come in useful as a weapon.

  67. Gabacho
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Who the hell is that? Is that Von?

    What kind of creep says “Vera dear” when he is not a woman in her 90′s? A drag queen, that’s who.

    And if that’s not Von and it’s some dude you think you’re playing, Miss Vera, I got news for you – you’re dating Charles Bush, a good thing for a man but not the best news for a woman.

    And if it is, Von, well, barf on both of you. I am going to bed, Vera dear

  68. True Fable of the Roopville Jungle
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    FBoFW I don’t really see just how any of this makes sense. Okay, little Mewwie has a laundry list of repairs on her dollhouse for John to make. Gee, a little Elly in training, how fucking awful charming. But the last panel is kind of unclear. I’m guessing Elly meant that she asked John to repair their HOME’s sliding glass doors, but since we don’t know just how the dollhouse came to be there, for all we know Elly told him to fix the sliding door on the dollhouse.

    At any rate, good bash job on John/Rod, Lynnie J! Make him look like a weak, turdish dullard, yeah!

    JP Yesterday Sam and Gloria interviewed Steve Shannon. Today Eduardo Barreto is interviewing 5 different Glorias. Who will win?
    MW Would someone just spackle the hell out of Dr. Drew’s gob so he’ll Shut The Hell Up and let the woman speak?! Wait, wait, here comes the cursed Von – he’ll throw Dr. Drew all out of whack. Maybe this week will be slow, but if it includes seeing Dr. Rattletrap deflated, I’m in.
    RMMD The brightest spot in this thing is the blazing red logo. Honestly, if not for the red logo you’d think this strip had been left out in the sun a few days. The plot’s lurched along a half-step up the hill, but that’s all.
    A3G WOOO! Well now we’re getting somewhere. Alan cheated with HIMSELF. No, Luann; you just can’t trust him.
    FC He aimed for the only rock on the slide trail in an effort to forever escape his life of inner anguish, but Billy was saved by his mother, who he now wished was dead in heaven with wings and a halo. The bitch just wouldn’t let him DIE.
    Scenes from Surburban Hell It was a lovely plan until the next month when Hi got a heating bill for $957.48 because Thirsty wouldn’t shut the damn door.
    FW … damn…! Crazy Harry must have some good weed tucked away in that beard.
    MT By golly, there is NOTHING cuter and more touching (that is non-goat related, of course since goats automatically OWN cute) than the sight of a little porcupine bailing out of a tree upside down like in panel two.

  69. ChattyGenes of the Jungle Patrol, Far East Division
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    #56 Poteet, #59 Rainbird, #63 True Fable.

    Thank you!

    And, PEARLS BEFORE SWINE is hilarious today! (I laughed so hard that I woke Mr. ChattyGenes up from his dozing on the sofa.)

  70. Uncle Lumpy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    OK, Sunday’s Curtis:

    A Beetle Bailey crossover. So I guess Kwanzaa was the sane Billingsley?

  71. ChattyGenes of the Jungle Patrol, Far East Division
    January 27th, 2008 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    TO POTEET, Naturalist Sis: Does that last, inset, yellow panel in Sunday’s MARK TRAIL say “large amounts of ‘browse’?”

    That’s not a term I’ve ever heard you use. I wonder if you could you please explain it? (Could have asked you by email, but I thought other Mudgies might be interested to know too:-) Thanks!

  72. Joe Btfsplk of the Jungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:03 am [Reply]


    Mark Trail – You missed, with your gun steadied on a huge rock. And your strategy for getting a better shot is to try again from an airborne plane. You, my shifty-eyed friends, are not Jungle Patrol material.

    Phantom – I can understand the criminal element never seeing what he looks like. I can mostly understand the law enforcement and justice systems never seeing what he looks like. I’m not exactly sure why the Jungle Patrol itself never sees what he looks like. I don’t appreciate us readers never seeing what he looks like. But, doesn’t even his own family ever get to see what he looks like?

    Family Circus – I didn’t read this strip today, so Josh has to. At least I assume it works that way.

  73. Trilobite
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    Hmm, the Sunday comics are kind of a mixed bag:

    A3G: The only way this could be better would be if it turned out that Alan went home with a drag queen. The resulting head-bobbles would CRACK THE CONTINENT IN HALF!

    Judge Parker: Oh, I see what Sam’s up to. After suffering through the horrifying experience of having to kiss a hot girl out in California, he’s decided that his next law partner is going to have to be single and a total babe magnet. That way the next time a lady starts feeling frisky and wants to examine some legal briefs, beefcake Steve Shannon can be in the crosshairs, and Sam will never have to get involved in anything icky like sex again. Maybe sometime Steve can come over and have dinner with Abbey, too. This could be the greatest partnership EVER!

    Mary Worth: The Monday strip is usually just a reprint of two panels from Sunday’s strip, with one additional panel of dialogue. I wonder which way this conversation is going to go in that next panel:
    A.) Vera: “Curses upon you, Von! I needed a few more minutes to sound Drew out about how ‘experimental’ and ‘open-minded’ he was!”
    B.) Vera: “Don’t worry about it, Von. Drew usually comes a bit early, too.”
    C.) Von: “I know I’m early!…but people on the street kept staring at my weird-looking face, and they were starting to throw things at me!”
    D.) Drew: “You invited another man on our date? That’s it! I’m quitting and joining the Jungle Patrol!”

  74. Trilobite
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    #72 Joe Btfsplk of the Jungle Patrol wrote:

    I’m not exactly sure why the Jungle Patrol itself never sees what he looks like.

    “Unknown Commander cannot be served subpoena for sexual discrimination lawsuits!” — Old Jungle Saying

  75. Godzooky
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    Overthinking Phantom ( ):

    1. Wolves can smell Singh pirates from a mile offshore? How funky are these guys?
    2. Where did that skull the first Phantom swore on come from? If it was just laying around, the person would have to have been dead for quite a while to decompose enough for the skull to be available as a separate piece. If so, how could you tell he was a pirate? Even if he was, why make a long-dead, skeletonized pirate the basis of the oath? Then again, if it’s a more freshly dead pirate, I can think of several ways a corpse can end up as a bare skull in a hand, but I’d rather not. (Shades of “Dexter”)
    3. Isn’t this more the “Curse of the Singh Skull” than the “Oath of the Phantom?”:

    No matter what your talents and interests are, you can only train and work as a Phantom and live in a cave in the jungle. No matter what your sexual preference, you must mate with a woman and produce at least one son. And no matter his talents, interests, or predilictions, that son must train and work as a Phantom, etc., for generation after generation, 400 years and counting…

    Is that a decapitated pirate ghost I hear snickering?

  76. bats, Avian Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    Having just returned from a cult movie screening of “The Life of Brian,” I have accepted Brian of Nazareth as my personal savior and therefore can sleep in tomorrow. However, I shall snark tonight. About tomorrow’s comics. Damn, this is confusing.

    A3G: I like Alan’s big googly eyes. And the fact that he brought a she-male home with him.

    FC: with a nasty little mug like Billy’s in the first panel, let him sled without a helmet, Thel…might improve his looks.

    FW: and this is funny how?

    JP: I don’t know how much Gloria thinks Steve will be an asset to the firm vs. how she’d like to feel his firm assets…

    MT: I think I would’ve enjoyed the movie “Porky’s” a lot more if it had been about porcupines.

    MW: damn! Attack of the monocolor suit! It’s okay, Drew…it’s for the best…Miss Augergine and Mr. Pumpkin are meant to be together. Maybe you can find someone with a set of checkers, and you two can play on your jacket.

    Phantom: huh? what? does the Sunday strip have an independent plotline from the weeklies? Am I going to be tested on this?

    RMMD: “You should never underestimate a desperate man, Niki…now quit stalling and take off your clothes!”

    9CL: it’s my understanding that a “nancy boy” is a straight man who acts in a gay manner (has mannerisms that are often associated with a gay stereotype — you know what I mean). Get your terminology right, BM, before you start waxing philosophical.

  77. mollificent
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Lovely designs!

    Jamus: LMAO!! OK, your “Once you go wood…” comment has GOT to be a contender for COTW. Josh, take note!

    ChattyGenes…oh, you horrible, horrible temptress. I used to do tons of musical theatre and “Tomorrow” was always my unofficial theme song (I have a rather “Annie”-esque appearance and voice). And I have this lovely new studio microphone I bought myself for Christmas. Evil thoughts are brewing…;)

    Only one Sunday snark:

    9CL: OK, yes, Brooke has been off his game lately, I’ll admit. But I’ve always liked the way he handled Seth’s sexuality, and this strip is no exception (for me at least).

  78. True Fable of the Roopville Jungle
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    DtM He IS reading the comics section, Dennis, but if his paper carries Funky Winkerbean, For Better or For Worse, Gasoline Alley, Cathy, Family Circus and The BM of Edison Lee, there’s nothing funny in them.

    If Wilson wants funny he’ll need to subscribe to a paper that carries Pearls Before Swine, My Cage, Brewster Rockit, Resurrected B.C., Get Fuzzy, Heart of the City and Calvin & Hobbes. And Mark Trail, of course.

  79. bats, Avian Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    73. Trilobite re MW: I, for one, welcome Dr. Drew to the Jungle Patrol. Cannon fodder is always appreciated.

  80. ChattyGenes of the Jungle Patrol, Far East Division
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    #77 mollificent. Go for it! And please post it on youtube!:-)
    (And thanks!)

  81. True Fable of the Roopville Jungle
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    Pearls Before Swine I didn’t even have to look at today’s strip to know I’d wind up laughing at at. I was right. Pastis is a Comic GOD, in his own little niche in the Fable Pantheon of Hootworthy Humorists along with Bill Mauldin, Bill Watterson and Berkley Breathed*.

    *for the original Bloom County strips. It’s a shame BB has to have this asterisk but them’s the breaks.

  82. TB Tabby
    January 27th, 2008 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    9CL: Panel 7 leads me to believe McEldowney is more meta than I give him credit for.

    A3G: Of course, he was drunk…he was DRUNK?! Geez, even inebriation can’t make him interesting!

    BStarr: Shout-out?

    Curtis: You wanted a face that commands respect…so you picked HIS face? You would’ve been better off with Margo. More crossovers, mule!

    DtM: Why would I read the comics page to do that? How many muscles do I exercise when I snark?

    H&L: Dumb, but anything that gets Lois to wear a tiger-print sarong with matching top is aces in my book.

    Phantom: “I say this out loud, Devil, to make sure I don’t forget my own origin story!”

    RMMBLA: Relax, Niki, you’re safe from awful shot-by-shot remakes in here.

  83. The Ghost of Jarrod
    January 27th, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    MW- I think that’s Von! Either that, or it’s Vera’s current boyfriend. Of course, the two need not be mutually exclusive.

  84. Kurdt
    January 27th, 2008 at 3:44 am [Reply]

    Sweet! Jungle Patrol tee is going between my Eraserhead and Brackenwood shirts in the section of my closet devoted to awsome shirts that make people scratch their heads. Rock on!

  85. Joel
    January 27th, 2008 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    “I got a star on my [jeep?] and one on my chest,
    A [machete] on my hip and the right to arrest
    I’m the guy who’s the boss [in] this [rainforest]
    So watch out what you’re doin’ when you’re [junglin west]
    If you break the law, you’ll hear from me, I know
    I’m a-workin’ for the [kleptocratic failed state or some shit?], I’m the [Jungle] Patrol”

  86. Mr. O'Malley
    January 27th, 2008 at 4:46 am [Reply]

    Phantom history:
    Phantom FAQ
    Interesting article about reading The Phantom in India

    I was wondering about the Singh pirates who have been involved in the lives of many of the Phantoms. “Singh” means “lion” and is taken as a middle name or surname by all male Sikhs (females use “Kaur”) as a demonstration of equality. Sikhism as a religion has a strong moral emphasis. Sikhs are more frequently encountered in the military or police force than operating criminal enterprises.

    There are some non-Sikhs named Singh, for example Maharaja Hari Singh, ruler of Kashmir, was a Hindu who decided that Kashmir should join the new nation of India although the majority Muslim population would have preferred to join Pakistan, causing political problems still going on today.

    Here are some of my search results for “Singh pirates”, excluding references to The Phantom.
    American software pirate Kishan Singh, from Lanham in Maryland, has been jailed for 18 months after running a website offering illegal copies of a range of business software.

    John Boysie Singh, usually known as “the Rajah,” “Boysie” or “Boysie Singh,” was born on 5th April, 1908 in Woodbrook, Port of Spain, Trinidad, and finally hanged in Port of Spain in 1957 for the murder of his niece, Thelma Hayes. He had a long and successful career as a gangster and gambler before turning to piracy and murder.

    The dreaded pirate captain Aaron Singh—that’s his official title, “dreaded pirate captain”—has been hanging around the South Street Seaport, learning the ropes, and eventually giving tours, since he was 15. But it was only last year, as Johnny Depp’s pirate persona brought high-seas scalawaggery back into style, that he became “dreaded” and launched the Seaport’s first Pirate Sail.

    Physical Movie Pirate Gets Max Sentence in India
    Devinder Singh, owner of “Rosy Videos”, was sentenced to six years in prison for copyright infringement and “failure to display censorship and copyright ownership information as required by the Copyright Act.”

    The charges, against Paramjit Kaur Kanwal and Jasbir Singh Uppal, related to the supply of counterfeit Windows 98, Windows NT Server, and Office 97 Professional Edition. They face a maximum sentence of 12 years in prison and an unlimited fine.

    Jasmine Singh, jeune homme de 17 ans vivant dans le New Jersey, vient d’être condamné à 5 ans de prison ferme. Il lui a été reproché non pas un meutre, ni un casse de banque mais d’avoir pris part dans une attaque informatique de type DDoS (Deni de service distribué). La cible était double : deux sites spécialisés dans les articles de sports.

    ‘Kitne admi the sarkar?’ is a line from a very famous Hindi movie called Sholay. The fame of Sholay is legendary. This is a dialogue uttered in the movie.There is a dreaded villain called Gabbar Singh who is not a pirate. (I guess you can call him a dacoit.) Sarcar literally means Government–but here it is an expression for a don. admi means man. So basically “kitne aadmi the?” asks how many men were there.
    So there you have it. Singh pirates seem to be a modern phenomenon. And mostly pirating intellectual property. Certainly there were pirates operating in the waters around India in centuries past, but not by the name of Singh.

    It seems to have more to do with the author of The Phantom making stuff up and taking ideas out of other books and perhaps newspapers without knowing much about things, as described in the articles at the top.

    However, this information about John Boysie Singh, 20th century Trinidadian pirate, whose crimes are reported to be much worse than the old pirates like Blackbeard, is interesting:

    “Perhaps it made a difference dat Boysie Singh was born in St. James. Bhagrang Singh, his father, came from de Punjab. He was a member of the Hindu tribe dey call de Chutri; a tribe dat was known for its bravery in war. While he was in India, Bhagrang Singh kill a man of high rank and run to Trinidad to save he neck. He didn’t come here and call heself Maharaj for people to tink he was Brahmin. He was a warrior. When he came to Trinidad he brought wid him a cavalry saber made of fine steel. Artistically, the handle of the saber was shape into a falcon’s head with red stones for eyes. Dat was de warrior in he.”

  87. Mr. O'Malley
    January 27th, 2008 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    There’s an ad up at the top of the page about Aline Kominsky Crumb, wife of Robert Crumb. I clicked through and there was quite an interesting podcast available.

  88. Dingo
    January 27th, 2008 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    I haven’t been following Mary Worth steadily lately. Either Vera had Drew meet her at the deli to introduce her new boyfriend or her brother, Von. I can’t tell. Or maybe it’s an Angelina Jolie and her brother setup. Either way, another day of Mary Worth without Mary Worth in the panels is a wintry afternoon of sunshine.

  89. Mr. O'Malley
    January 27th, 2008 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    BC: Aside from the fact that reptiles would not be active in cold weather, this is rather amusing, if one remembers the character traits from years past now being revived.

    Curtis: Funny today. I wish there were more like this.

    The Lockhorns take on political humor! Mallard Fillmore watch out!

    Mark Trail: Porcupines are clumsy and also messy eaters. So why don’t we see porcupine Pluggers?

    MW: So I set you up a blind date with someone I know you’ll really like!

    Hi Dingo! How are things? Yes, it’s hard to distinguish between identically drawn characters. The only difference is the hair.

    RMMD: Why does the cabin have well-lighted windows? Did the moonshiner leave a boxful of candles behind? From the inside it looks as though the only source of light is from that stove. And, Rex and Niki went up the hill only minutes before Lee’s car arrived. How does Rex “know” that Lee is going to spend a couple of hours sitting in his nice warm car before donning his outdoor gear and heading off after them? With the money.

    TDIET: That’s two “every time”s. “What you said!” is a response to “Wha’…?”? I have a theory that every civilization progresses until they invent styrofoam popcorn, then eventually their entire planet becomes covered with it and their species becomes extinct. “That’s diffo”—a salute to Australia Day being yesterday? (Note: celebrate by reading Ginger Meggs Throw some snags on the barbie and open a stubbie. Activities more suited to Southern Hemisphere weather.)

    FBOFW: A dollhouse that has one room completely empty except for a giant screen TV. With blue walls. Somehow this reminds me of The Twilight Zone.

    Broom Hilda is a weird strip I remember from my youth, but it’s still going. I only read it from time to time but it’s still rather odd.

    I still didn’t get Lio from yesterday. A stuffed rabbit with breasts? But that’s OK. Being creative means sometimes there are some duds.

    TDIET paragraph—I’m previewing and it looks weird. But I said the same thing yesterday. On my desktop it looks weird, on my laptop it looks fine. This is the world of the future—niggled to death by software shortcomings.

  90. True Fable of the Roopville Jungle
    January 27th, 2008 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    I think it’s safe to assume Mary Worth was never a teenager. In fact I doubt she even had a childhood. Like some kind of twisted latter-day mythological god, Mary sprang fully formed from the forehead of Molly Goldberg, but she was so malevolent that Mary eventually ate her own kindred for sustenance.
    “That’s her, folks – that’s Mary Worth, a woman with a homemade shiv in every heart and a nose in everyone’s business.”

    I kind of miss not seeing the evil old thing in the funnies these days. :-)

  91. Mr. O'Malley
    January 27th, 2008 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    90. I see Mary Worth more like this:

    Cthulhu is depicted as having a worldwide cult centered in Arabia, with followers in regions as far-flung as Greenland and Louisiana. There are leaders of the cult “in the mountains of China” who are said to be immortal. Cthulhu is described by some of these cultists as the “great priest” of “the Great Old Ones who lived ages before there were any men, and who came to the young world out of the sky.”

    The cult is noted for chanting its horrid phrase or ritual: “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu Rl’yeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”, which translates as “In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.” Ostensibly part of a couplet from the Necronomicon, the other line being “yet He shall rise and His kingdom shall cover the Earth.”

    One cultist, known as Old Castro, provides the most elaborate information given in Lovecraft’s fiction about Cthulhu. The Great Old Ones, according to Castro, had come from the stars to rule the world in ages past.
    “ They were not composed altogether of flesh and blood. They had shape…but that shape was not made of matter. When the stars were right, They could plunge from world to world through the sky; but when the stars were wrong, They could not live. But although They no longer lived, They would never really die. They all lay in stone houses in Their great city of R’lyeh, preserved by the spells of mighty Cthulhu for a glorious resurrection when the stars and the earth might once more be ready for Them ”

    Castro points to the “much-discussed couplet” from Abdul Alhazred’s Necronomicon:

    That is not dead which can eternal lie.
    And with strange æons even death may die.

    Castro explains the role of the Cthulhu Cult: When the stars have come right for the Great Old Ones, “some force from outside must serve to liberate their bodies. The spells that preserved Them intact likewise prevented them from making an initial move.” At the proper time, “the secret priests would take great Cthulhu from His tomb to revive His subjects and resume His rule of earth….Then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom.”

    Castro reports that the Great Old Ones are telepathic and “knew all that was occurring in the universe”. They were able to communicate with the first humans by “moulding their dreams”, thus establishing the Cthulhu Cult, but after R’lyeh had sunk beneath the waves, “the deep waters, full of the one primal mystery through which not even thought can pass, had cut off the spectral intercourse.”

  92. True Fable of the Roopville Jungle
    January 27th, 2008 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    #91 Mr. O’Malley – Damn, that beats the living hell out of my “Molly Goldberg inexplicably gives birth to a twisted demon spawn” story! Yours had bloodlust and the whole nine, dude! Cheers~!


  93. dreadedcandiru2
    January 27th, 2008 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    9CWL: Oh, super good! It’s the delusional little man-eater that’s set her sights on that goof, Amos. Now, she thinks that sex with her is so awesome, she can ‘cure’ gayness. Seth tries his damnedest to smack the crazy little bitch down but since she has a brain the size of a walnut, it din’t work.

    FBOFW: In today’s epic adventure, we see John fall victim to Parkinson’s Law, as the work expands to fill the time available. If he were in a rush, he could have fixed up Marrie’s doll house just as professionally in about fifteen minutes and still had the energy to do what Elly is too stupid to do: take a can of WD-40 to the sliding door. Since he has nothing but time, he’s all played out after an afternoon of frustrating toil.

  94. True Jungle Fable Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker Timeline Wake-Up Call It was one year ago today (that’s 5 days ago in ParkerTime) that Neddy was exploring Parisian nightlife with SuperCedric Hart the butler:

    Ah, those were the days, when mysterious men buttled around the City of Lights at all hours with silly young heiresses, and scary wizened old tongs chatted about death to hot redheads with admirable sweaterpuppies.

    My life as a serial comic junkie: Keeping up with timelines and whatnot for your viewing pleasure!

  95. True Jungle Fable Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    BONUS JP Timeline Wake-up Call: It was TWO years ago today that Sam’s head bobbled when Abbey told him she saw Neddy necking with a boy:

    This comic is brought to you by Judge Parker 1.0, LeDoux Old School aka Before the Barreto Conversion. Just in case you’re wondering what the hell happened to Sam and Abbey.

  96. Godzooky
    January 27th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW ( ): Assuming that’s a poorly-drawn Von (who’d invite a current boyfriend to meet an ex?) and he showed up early, that means Vera scheduled sequential lunch dates to deliver her news, one with Drew, one with her brother. In spite of this being MW and that uptight Vera would have had to give it up to Drew on the first date or gotten busy outdoors during the horse-riding date to conceive, the hot bet here is she’s preggers. The magic line of dialogue to confirm that should come out of Vera’s mouth sometime in March.

    TDIET ( ): #89 Mr. O’Malley, I believe the “What you said” is actually in response to Mommy’s “@ * !!” floating above the popcorn. (You know, my mother uses shopping carts for support and you can count me among the compulsive TV guide-ignoring channel surfers. Who’s going to point out these quirks, now? You’ll be missed, Al)

    #86 Mr. O’Malley re: Phantom lore: Good stuff, especially the “White Skin, Black Mask” article ( ). This still means that the original Phantom condemned his descendants, generation after generation, to take up a cause that only directly affected him. And, as the article points out, after prior Phantom marriages that include Arab, Mongol, and Indian mates, the current Phantom should at least be olive-skinned and his two blonde children even more in question. (Okay, okay, I’ll stop now…)

  97. Harold
    January 27th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    They loog great! And they’ll look even better with a pair of purple-and-black striped briefs!

  98. Harold
    January 27th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    They look great! And they’ll look even better with a pair of purple-and-black striped briefs!

  99. Godzooky
    January 27th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    #89 Mr. O’Malley re: Saturday’s Lio ( ): The best explanation from yesterthread:

    #145 queek says:

    Lio: plushie sex, Mr. Bun is *busted*

    But, yeah, it’s not as clear to figure as it should be.

  100. Gen. John C Fremont, Jungle Patrol (Deceased)
    January 27th, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Bats of the Avian Division at #76 makes an excellent point about “Porky’s.” As much as I hated that movie, replacing the cast with porcubines could equal comedy gold.

    A3G – I, too, love the look on Alan’s face in that sixth panel, although it looks a little like he’s trying for his “blind John Phillip Law” look. More whisky, mule!

    MW – That darned Willem Dafoe is always early. Curses on you, Willem Dafoe!

    Phantom – Hmm. Pirates. Future Jungle Patrol members? See, the Sunday strip is actually tying in with the weekly strips after all. Or not. Hard to say, really.

    RMMD – As a guy who wears glasses, I just thought I should point out to Wilson and Nolan that you can’t see a thing when it’s raining on your glasses, and that hood isn’t going to help. I don’t think Rex and Niki have anything to worry about. From Lee, that is.

  101. Calico
    January 27th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    #100 – I think Alan may have to take out another payday loan, seeing as he knocked up a stranger last night.
    Nice expression indeed, Alan. Better get a desk job for a while.

    MW – “Drew, I’m pregnant, and Mary has agreed to be our midwife.”

  102. Cmdr. Spunky N. Tadpole, Jungle Patrol (ret.)
    January 27th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    From the Great Minds Thinking Alike Dept: when I saw this Sunday’s Family Circus: ;

    all I could think of was:

    Ahh, vain regret…..

  103. Calico
    January 27th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    #102 – Billy did it.
    BTW, the look of pure rage on his face continues today. (I think Billy’s been in a pissy mood all week.)
    Wonder what tomorrow will bring-and we all know kids looooove Mondays.

  104. Hank
    January 27th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    RE: Crankshaft. I realize that Batuik has an agenda here, but is a civil service school employee who presumably has decent health and prescription drug coverage, really the character to make this particular point?

  105. The Ghost of Jarrod
    January 27th, 2008 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    the hot bet here is she’s preggers. The magic line of dialogue to confirm that should come out of Vera’s mouth sometime in March.

    And it will be “Von, Drew, I’m pregnant. But I’m not sure which one of you is the father.”

  106. Gen. John C Fremont, Jungle Patrol (Deceased)
    January 27th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    # 84 – Wait! There are Eraserhead T-shirts? Why didn’t someone tell me?

  107. Gabacho, HR Senior Manager, Jungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    #66 Lt. Deena, of theJungle Patrol – Regarding the request for non-standard Jungle Patrol accessories, please contact the HR go to gal – Sally Forth – and request the necessary forms for approval.

    Mary Worth Jungle Patrol News – Please join us in congratulating Vera Shields on her promotion to Volcano Virgin Sacrifice Victim, Grade Level III.

    In the short time she has been here, Vera has proven herself as a top performing Clerk/Typist, Mall Interviewer/Market Researcher and welcomes this last, final challenge.

    Her supervisor, Mary Worth, says she is sure Vera will “dive right in” to her new position and co-worker Dawn Weston exclaimed, “I can’t imagine anyone else I would rather see burning than Vera.”

  108. Kurdt
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    #106 – Here’s where I got mine:

    “We’ve got chicken tonight. Strangest damn things. They’re man made. Little damn things. Smaller than my fist. But they’re new!!”

  109. SomethingsWrng
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Fighting pirates in the jungle makes as much sense as TJ Hooker fighting off aliens.

  110. queek
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Frazz was indeed nice today, but I honestly would have prefered it without the explicit mention of Addams. Spoiled the humor a bit for me.

    PBS: “mebbe not” loved it!

    Lio rocked, for sheer visual awesomeness. Well done, Mark T!

    Garfield goes Warner Brothers.

    Maintaining: I’m rather ashamed that I laughed at this, but I did.

    9CL: This made up for *many* days of Brooke’s usual nattering and pomposity.

  111. queek
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    PS for 9CL: “lets just say that I’d smooth out your wrinkles” has got to be the naughtiest thing that I’ve seen on the funny pages in a great while. RMMD may have snarky subtext, but this is just blatent!

    my apologies for coming up with remarks several seconds after hitting “post.”

  112. Lt. Deena, of theJungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]


    Actual text from a Shoebox Greetings card purchased in St. Paul, MN circa 1986…


    “Happy Birthday! You don’t have many wrinkles…”


    “…except on your p*%@s, and I know how to make those go away…”

  113. Gen. John C Fremont, Jungle Patrol (Deceased)
    January 27th, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    # 108 – After your earlier comment, I went over to – I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I visted that site. I’m pretty sure the last time I was there was to order Eraserhead when it first came out on DVD, so it’s been awhile. He has the T-shirts over there, but your source is a bit less expensive.

    And yes, I still do the chicken rant when I go passed the little Cornish hens in the store. I don’t know why my family tolerates me…

    # 112 – That greeting card quote made my wife giggle in a very disturbing way, Lieutenant.

  114. commodorejohn
    January 27th, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G – What the…? Insinuated sex in Apartment 3-G? It’s not even April 1st yet!

    A.D. – …hey, that’s actually pretty funny.

    BB – Unfortunately, the horribly graphic final panel was removed by the syndicate.

    Curtis – Uh…um…er…um…WHAT!? Did I really just see what I thought I saw?

    DTM – He is, Dennis. He’s reading Funky Winkerbean.

    FC – Yeah, it sure would’ve been a shame if Billy had got a concussion from all that hard snow.

    FW – What the…? A funny Funky Winkerbean!? It’s not even April 1st yet!

    H&L – As long as Lois is wearing that outfit, I have no venom to expend on this strip.

    JP – So…if she marries a guy with no legs…how do they…um…you know?

    Lio – WANT

    MW – Aw damn, let down by Mary Worth yet again.

    MC – That’s…that’s actually a pretty good point.

    OBH – haha YES.

    RMMD – Good question, Niki – how could he possibly walk with an injured shoulder? Hmm, that’s a puzzler, all right.

    Edison Lee – wants to remind you to vote for only the Democratic Party’s sanctioned candidate because he says so, like the mindless sheep you are.

  115. Parkcow
    January 27th, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for making me laugh so hard I spit soda all over my monitor. I only check the site every three or four days, so I had to scroll down to see the “who’s tougher” comic strip after seeing the new t-shirt designs. Honestly, that is one of the funniest set of lines I’ve EVER read in a comic strip. Ever. And, really, who IS tougher than a waitress? Maybe a hair stylist on the wrong side of the tracks, but never, ever pirates. Pirates are JV. One time I gave a pirate a wet-willie and then a wedgie and he cried and cried. I tried that with the lady copy who patrols our neighborhood and she didn’t cry at all! She did tear up a little, but no crying. Definitely tougher.

  116. Poteet of the Jungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    # 71 — ChattyGenes, no one will see this now, but I shall endeavor to answer your question. “Browse” is both a noun and a verb. As a noun, it refers to twig ends, buds, and leaves — in other words, what deer and some other animals eat from woody plants, especially in winter. When you browse, you eat parts of shrubs and trees instead of eating grass (grazing). We have too many deer in my area, and I wish I could reach a deal with them to eat invasive shrubs and trees all year around instead of uncommon prairie flowers. Alas, the flowers taste better. And I agree with you about today’s PBS. BWAHAHA!

  117. Poteet of the Jungle Patrol
    January 27th, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    # 116 — I should have added “to the best of my knowledge.” If a more knowledgable Mudge sees that I am in error, please add a correction. It’s kind of interesting hanging around here after everyone else has rushed off to the new thread. *hums to self, saunters along, kicks can down the street*

  118. queek
    January 27th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    116/117: You’re spot on, Poteet.

    for the record, .22s and porkypines go well together, and the latter should be introduced to the former as often as possible. jmho.

    (in otherwords, I call [Boxcar!] on the last panel of the Sunday MT, in defiance of my non-snark Sunday pledge.)

  119. Little Jungle Patrol Guy
    January 27th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    #10: As I said before, this is an alternate reality where the Boss can pop up anywhere and declare an immediate suspension, while suspicious camera-cell clicking strangers can threaten Federal employees and not be sent to the netherreaches of Gitmo for the threat nor for the suspicion.

  120. luther
    January 28th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    About the beginning of the Popeye comics, sailers would have been handling large ropes. Sailors were known to have huge forearm muscles in comparison to their biceps.

    Its a pretty obscure fact to base a comic on.

  121. Hooray For Socks in the Jungle!
    January 28th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I know this is a late post, but man, those shirts are awesome! I will definitely be purchasing one in the very near future! Thanks Spider-brick & Steve!

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