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Rusty’s whole sad, lonely life is a prison, really

Marvin, 8/7/12

So Marvin is celebrating its 30th anniversary by having baby Marvin travel to his own future with his 30-year-old grown-up self. The time-travel process caused baby Marvin to spontaneously become 30 years old himself, despite the fact that travelling back in time didn’t turn 30-year-old Marvin into a baby, and if there’s one thing that offends me almost as much as constantly gleeful poop jokes, it’s inconsistent rules for time travel within a fictional universe.

Also, if you’re curious, the next thirty years will be an unending grind of economic malaise, and babies born today will never have the financial independence that generations of Americans have taken for granted! I’m kind of missing the poop jokes now, actually.

Mark Trail, 8/7/12

In a shockingly non-predictable development, Rusty was not captured by the sheep killers, who will now presumably menace the entire Mark-less Trail clan with their sinister, looming foreheads. I was going to say that the worry that Rusty would head right to some prison warden to show off his pictures is kind of bizarre, but you know what, it’s not like the kid has any friends his own age, paling around with some mid-level bureaucrat in the local Department of Corrections makes as much sense as anything else.

Mary Worth, 8/7/12

A lifetime of disappointments has trained Wilbur to set his expectations very, very low. “Well, this vacation didn’t end in our deaths! I guess we can call it … mostly enjoyable?”

Funky Winkerbean, 8/7/12

Haw haw, ladies sure be hatin’ their bodies, amiright fellas

408 responses to “Rusty’s whole sad, lonely life is a prison, really”

  1. nescio
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    H&L: The mere sight of Thirsty causes Lois to crave a doobie.

    MW: Only one of these men is happy that their bodies are pressed together.

    Pluggers think the runs are a form of exercise.

  2. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Ha ha, Josh expects a consistent plotline from Marvin! What next, for characters in A3G to look the same from panel to panel?

  3. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MT: Hey sheep killers, when you take care of Rusty and Cherry, make sure you don’t leave your gum wrapper behind.

  4. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, Wilbur, I can see in that last panel that this is a very happy ending indeed.

    RxMD: This strip’s old rich white ladies look and act the same to me. Is that racist?

    AS-M: Seeing as Peter Parker is the one who keeps fucking up, yeah.

    Zippy: One must imagine Zippy-puss happy.

  5. Northernlurker
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW: looks to me like Wilbur and the rescue guy are enjoying a mutual orgasm.

  6. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    *sigh*

    post-jumped.

  7. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#1): Yes, Wilbur does look like he’s enjoying himself.

  8. Mary Worthless
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Wilbur

    Frottage

    That ain’t mayonnaise on his trousers

    Brain Bleach is in aisle 9

  9. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Curtis: reminds me again of Mistopher Scudder, and here I was trying to put it out of my mind…

  10. Voshkod
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Game warden, city boy, not prison warden.

  11. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Looking again at that MW panel, I’m thinking the rescuer is A3G’s tall, shy man?

  12. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    JP: “Well, Sam, we used to have customers, but they kept drinking all our best wine. Now that we’ve started killing off the greedy bastards, we’ve managed to accumulate quite a collection of fine bottles!”

    MW: Wilber: “That’s all that matters. Well, that and the firm thighs of Mr. Resculini here! And his large hands gripping my love handles. Oh, and that broad, hard chest—let me just rest my head near it for a moment to breathe in his scent of khaki and seawater. . . .”
    Rescue Guy: “Gah. It’s like having a sweaty sea slug strapped to my chest! And is… is he actually sniffing me?”

    And what will Dawn’s epiphany be? Let’s see, their idyllic Mediterranean cruise turned into a nightmare of panic and terror, so life does turn out to be, yes, brutal. A couple of passengers helped them, but for the most part, people pushed others aside to save their own skins, so on the whole, people are, yes, rotten jerks.

    I guess that leaves us with “my dad is the most important man in my life and the only one I will ever truly love.”

    A3G: Margo is the talk of New York, with a famous art gallery, and yet she still shares an apartment with a lonely nurse and a semi-functional nincompoop? Okay then.

  13. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Mary Worthless (#8): Curtis’ ‘ewww!’ belongs after your post.

  14. lorne
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    I have been permanently damaged by the look of ecstasy on Wilbur’s face as he’s suspended crotch-to-crotch with his enormous Italian rescuer. I fear he’s going to spend the rest of his days trying to recreate this moment.

  15. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Archie – Archie can’t wait for his creators to return. Anybody else here remember a time when we thought the regression to 1990 was a temporary expedient in the wake of the artist’s death? Boy, were we naïve.

  16. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Sigh. Dave used to do things.

  17. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    In the future, everyone will drive gray AMC Gremlins.

    Also? Wilbur, you got saved by Talldarkandhandsome. What more could a pudgy advice columnist from a second-rate California town want? Especially with that blazer.

  18. TheDiva
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Shameless Plug Time: New Musical Hell review is up! Are you (wo)man enough to endure the torture of From Justin to Kelly? Think carefully; this is not a place for the faint of heart.

    *

    FW: Next up: men love beer!

    Marvin: So the future will be…exactly like today. How does he get these marvelous ideas?

    MT: “Yyyyyep, we’re going to go get those pictures. Soon. Any moment now.”

    MW: Fun Mary Worth fact: Wilbur is the exact same height as Danny deVito.

    9CL: Two images of Edda’s backside, one of her cleavage, and one full-on crotch shot. At least DeviantArt contributors are honest about their stuff being spank material…

    A3G: “My name is Harry, but I’ve always preferred the name Evan…”

    C’shaft: Crankshaft’s explosion fetish has gone mobile.

    Luann: Still lack the courage to come out, huh Delta?

    Pluggers think bathroom breaks count as “exercise.”

    SM: “Still, I can raise the roof, so that’s something…”

  19. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    9 – Hmm. I’m going to guess this one’s about the Arc d’Triomphe.

  20. Chareth Cutestory
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I hate to return from my hiatus with a nobody likes a know-it-all correction, Josh, but I think you overlooked game wardens.

    Mary Worth: Using a complicated mathematical method known as “eyeballing it,” I compared Wilbur’s height against the coast guard rescuer. The final result is that Wilbur is 5’1″ and we can easily infer that he is the villain commonly referred to as The Penguin.

  21. Santa Royale With Cheese
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    S-M: Being that Peter Parker was supposed to be getting pictures of this train wreck, yes, I think it’s fair to say he’ll get blamed for getting scooped.

    JP: Sam gives new meaning to “product recall”.

  22. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Curtis – No mimeograph machine? Curtis, if you happen to see a small tub filled with gelatin, get the hecto out of there!

  23. LongTimeReader
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    As Voshkod says, game warden, city boy. But I couldn’t tell if you were actually clueless or ironic. You po-mo types confuse me. (And I blame this site for me being aware of what po-mo means.)

  24. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Mary Worthless (#8):

    That ain’t mayonnaise on his trousers

    Au contraire, it’s mayonnaise plus!

  25. teenchy
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Marvin‘s future may be bleak, but he has the resources to drive around what will be a 70-year-old AMC Gremlin.

  26. Liam
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    MW-”Oh god this guy smells of sex and shame and sandwiches.”

    MT-But first let’s finish butchering this sheep before the vultures come.

    JP-Just because someone has a wine cellar you approve of is no guarantee of a business’ well being. Do you remember the hole in the porch as you came in this? The place might really be closed for renovations.

  27. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#21): Being that Peter Parker was supposed to be getting pictures of this train wreck, yes, I think it’s fair to say he’ll get blamed for getting scooped.

    Peter’s camera was probably webbed up at the theater’s ceiling and has been snapping away on automatic, auto-focus, auto-point-to-the-action setting for some time now, capturing mostly people not laughing at MJ and Robert Ghoulish until the webbing inevitably dissolves, dropping the camera onto some playgoer’s head. If standard comic logic holds true, the playgoer would be a minor crook getting set to rob the cashbox after working up enough anger by watching the show. Yay! Peter’s camera’s a hero! In some nutty way, Spidey wins!

  28. James of the North
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MW: I think the rescue guy should have a thought bubble too: “This guy smells like ham.”

  29. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Grimm – Is it mere coincidence that this strip came out soon after an olympic gymnast visibly wet herself in front of a crowd of people and photographers? (She was a euro peein’.)

  30. Liam
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Marvin-So in thirty years Marvin will be Dustin?

  31. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Armstrong reads Josh’s comments today. Says Armstrong with a grin: “Mission accomplished!”

  32. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    R=R – Rule 34. There is porn out there. Porn with those insanely grimacing Bugs-Bunny-in-drag faces. Having sex. With Pasquale.

    You know, prisoners in top-secret detention are allowed as much of this porn as they want, as part of interrogation and general breaking down their souls.

  33. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @lorne (#14): As long as the artist doesn’t recreate this moment. Ever.

  34. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – Fun fact, Peter! You could have taken that sign off your back by using your hands! Because you have proportionately half the number of limbs of a spider! And they’re not broken or anything! In some nutty way, you’re a freaking idiot.

  35. Pak-Man
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Did Josh comment on the wrong strip, or am I missing something with the Mary Worth caption?

  36. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Wouldn’t it make this more fun if Wilbur gets onto the helicopter with a ‘kick me’ sign pinned on his back? (Please spare us your suggestions for verbs to replace ‘kick’)

  37. Calico
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#12):
    Mr. Resculini – hahaha!
    “Signore Resculini”
    Love is in the air …

  38. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#Y333): , they did get to console themselves by taking the virgin female Midianites as sex slaves. Except those who were reserved for Yahweh’s share. Always wondered what He wanted with ‘em…

    Those were for the priests, of course. “Moses gave Eleazar the priest the portion set aside for Yahweh, as Yahweh had ordered Moses.”

    // Pay attention! There will be a quiz. You young seminarians… no virgins for you!

  39. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#24): “Mayonnaise plus” – that’s Miracle Whip, isn’t it? Shades of gray! (my new minced oath)

  40. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @Pak-Man (#35): Wilbur is just now subscribing to the dictum “Any vacation you can walk away from is a good vacation.” This is the soft bigotry of low expectations brought to KKK levels.

  41. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#17): In the future, everyone will drive gray AMC Gremlins.

    And eat Dippin’ Dots.

  42. Josh
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#10), @Chareth Cutestory (#20), @LongTimeReader (#23): Wait, you country folk PUT ANIMALS IN JAIL? What kind of monsters live beyond the city limits? (No, but seriously, duh, I am dumb.)

    Josh

  43. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#32): “You know, prisoners in top-secret detention are allowed as much of this porn as they want, as part of interrogation and general breaking down their souls.” I’m not going to ask how you know this.

  44. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#38): Oh, great. The virgin nazi.

  45. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#37): “Signore Resculini” Your wife, she is safe with Resculini. He prefer fettucine!

  46. Calico
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#4):
    I don’t think it’s racist – they all seem to be borne of some blueblood archetype that Wilson prefers. They remind me of the older women I’ve known in Massachusetts, and some in Connecticut and New Hampshire as well.

  47. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: John Hinckley will now attempt to impress Jodie Foster Margo.

    9 Chickweed Lane: She’s a maniac, maniac, and she’s dancing like she’s never danced before!*

    Dick Tracy: Didn’t that tv reporter used to be on Dynasty?

    Family Circus: Sweet Christ on a kringle, I wish that worked.

    Hagar the Horrible: A Hagar the Horrible comic strip walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this a joke?” The strip says, “Why do you have to blame everything on being overweight??!!” The end.

    Judge Parker: For the past week, I’ve been imagining Peaches circling in behind this crew, much like the final assassin in Scarface. I don’t know who she’s coming for. It’s doesn’t matter much, I suppose.

    Mark Trail: And then we might have to pay a small fine and become martyrs for the NRA! We can’t let that happen!! First, to dispose of this nicotine gum wrapper…

    The Phantom is much improved by adding “in his pants” to the punchline.

    Six Chix: Squinting at that headline reveals that it actually says “Brandy Old-Fashioneds.”

    Modern snarkless commentary: Kliban’s Cats and Pusheen the Cat are both delightful today…

  48. Tom the Sailor Man
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    A3G – Wow! Margo’s office is so cool, with the two pictures from Dollar General on the wall, the green filing cabinet, and especially the books whose covers change from blue to yellow spontaneously! Those “talk-of-the-town” New Yorkers have it all!

  49. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#12):

    I guess that leaves us with “my dad is the most important man in my life and the only one I will ever truly love.”

    That’s the most brutal life lesson of all, but don’t be too hasty. Dawn still has time to fake her own death — or to enact it.

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    the pony craze maybe reaching a natural limit.

    Baka Gaijin just became a fan of Deadpool.

    cosplay, not just for the youth. *applaz*

    ikkle panda haz separation issues.

    brb, my planet otterly needs me.

    double corgiderp incoming!

  51. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Josh — How does the MW strip and the snark below match in any way? And will some comic strip creator whose strip gets mocked here have a chance at snarking the snarker? ex-DT maker Dick Locher, perhaps? Or Bud Sagendorf’s ghost?

  52. Longhorn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    MW: “But my daughter & I survived!…that’s all that matters”….well, that and does this rescue ship’s mess have some bread, mayo and some really nice pastrami? I’m dying for a sammich here…….

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#12): Margo is the talk of New York, with a famous art gallery, and yet she still shares an apartment with a lonely nurse and a semi-functional nincompoop? Okay then.

    You look at rental prices in Manhattan lately?

  54. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#41): And eat Dippin’ Dots. You say that like it’s a bad thing.

  55. Ian Beste
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Wanky Funkerbean First panel–is that dog carrying a backpack, a tape recorder or a parachute ? (“Get me the hell outta this strip and over to Mutts where I can lie on the beach!”)

  56. Ulysses Pornstache III
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Next up, the obligatory homoerotic moment – Wilbur nestling into the coastal rescue officer’s shoulder, murmuring softly about mayonnaise.

  57. Liam
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    A3G-And there is your wonderful line of salad dressings and your clothing line. In fact I am wearing a pair of your panties right now.

  58. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#19): Right. Dancing about architecture. Very good.

  59. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Ulysses Pornstache III (#56): Awww. That’s kind of sweet.

  60. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#59): Maybe I am a tad too lonely…

  61. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    New PCK is up!

    Callback to the Noir strips!

    Hey, Josh’s MW snark about female body image actually works better on my strip (except I avoid the trite, chauvinistic approach suggested in said snark. I hope)

  62. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#39): Ignoring my original, oh-so-witty cum joke, I’d say mayonnaise-plus is analogous to milk-plus from A Clockwork Orange, to sharpen Wilbur up for a bit of the ol’ ultra-viands.

    @Calico (#46): Maybe Nolan is operating under the misapprehension that all of Wilson’s old lady blue blood charaters are the same character. In fact, I’m going to stop bothering to learn their names from now own. They’re all just Old Lady Bloodblood to me now.

    @Pak-Man (#35) & @Mibbitmaker (#51): I don’t understand what you don’t understand.

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#34): “You could have taken that sign off your back by using your hands! ”

    It’s probably stuck on with Krazy Klown Glue.

  64. btown
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    MW: wow, I think we are being treated subjected to the most homoerotic Mary Worth ever. The forze speciali guy is chanting “hut! hut! hut!” as he jams his pole into Wilbur’s belly. Meanwhile, Wilbur’s expression in Panel 2 seems to indicate that he has discovered a new and highly satisfying use for his gut.

  65. Hibbleton
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Cherry finds Rusty heading back and they pause to reconnoiter on the Acropolis. Meanwhile, Doc prepares the lab to develop the film from Rusty’s 70mm camera.

  66. geekwhisperer
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MW Watching two writhing men strapped together and dangling from a cable reminds me of Dave.

    /I assume that the rescue swimmer’s expression was due to Wilbur overtaxing the load capacity of the helo. Assumedly the crew chief is going to blow the explosive bolts on the winch in order to save the aircraft.

    MT Is there some kind of cartoonist guild requirement that legacy adventure/drama strips have to do a “incriminating photographs in camera” plot on a regular basis? Do the writers realize that if a person in 2012 takes a picture of your pot farm/poaching operation/wanted criminal faces that it will be uploaded, tagged, shared and turned into a meme in about five minutes? (Jewish poacher: Two Shofars- won’t carry carcass on Saturday). Next MT plot: “That kid tweeted our pictures! We have to take down the Internet!”

  67. Liam
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MW-All that matters is that me and my daughter survived and not the people who drowned.

    MW 2-Wilbur is probably hoping that this disaster will bring him and Dawn “closer”.

  68. Drew Funk
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    “We’d better try to get those pictures… That kid might show them to the warden! Or even worse, he might skip the middleman and show them directly Woods and Wildlife Magazine reporter Mark Trail! To the airplane before it’s too late!”

  69. Ed Dravecky
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Dawn’s inevitable book and movie deal will result in Roberto Benigni’s triumphant return to the silver screen as both Dawn and Wilbur in La vita è brutale: Figlia di un molestatore di panino. Cinema itself will die that day.

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#47):

    They used to tell me I danced like I never danced before. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a compliment though.

  71. Marc
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    9CL- Holy crotch shot batman!

    Mary Worth- Wilbur is enjoying his rescue from the burly Italian coast guardsman even more than Dawn did.

    Mark Trail- Where did that white picket fence and building in panel two come from? Apparently one of the mysteries of the Lost Forest is that properties of people who live in the civilization of the NORTHERN PART OF THE STATE will sometimes disappear and reappear in the wilderness of the SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE.

    Luann- “You know Luann, in all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never had a real boyfriend either. You just tell stories about all these ‘guys’ who fall all over themselves to be with you and if you had just a few minutes more with them, things would have gotten hot and heavy. I’ve never seen any proof these guys actually exist. You know what Luann? I think you’re full of shit. So butt out of my personal life and go back to pining after that Australian guy you strung along and mindfucked for three years.”

    Funky- Haha it’s funny because women are overly conscious about their weight. So much so that fun house mirror images will drive them into a deep depression.

    Family Circus- Boy, who could ever tire of these recycled Olympic gags… every… single…. day.

    A3G- Well banging the boss is one way to land the job I guess.

  72. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#63): Does it set off an obnoxiously loud siren if you try to pull it off?

    Come to think it, today’s strip is much improved if you imagine that everyone has been deafened by the clown’s nose.

    Did I really just write “deafened by the clown’s nose?”

  73. mr12ozcan
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    mary worth- i still dont understand how they could not get to the lifeboats the ship still hasnt sunk. dddoes the dynamic duo still finish the trip for old purple puss is still not happy . maybe more fresh italian vegetables does the trick.

  74. Chip Whittle
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “Your M and M agency is big news in this town, Ms Magee! Hiring Lu Ann to take all the W’s out was a stroke of brilliance!”

    Judge Parker: Is Sam pouring wine out of a squeeze bottle? Or is the wine just leaping several inches up the bottle neck so that it can merge its molecular structure with the sweet, sweet essence of Sam Driver-ness?

    Mandrake: So Mandrake and Lothar routinely just wander around the 24-hour burger joint watching for hold-up men? Man, what’s wrong with their town that they’re the smart ones?

    Marvin: “Young Marvin, I’m you from 30 years in the future! To celebrate your birth 30 years ago I’m taking you 30 years into the future, where it’s today!” And Tom Batiuk says, “I did it first!”

    Mary Worth: “Mister Weston… Please stop quivering.”

    Spider-Man has failed to stop Clown-9, failed to retrieve the stolen goods, been humiliated in front of his boss, and got his photo in a rival newspaper’s photograph looking the most foolish he’s looked in weeks. Strike up the music, I wanna “raise the roof”!

  75. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#36): Wilber will write his own sign: “Hold me. For the love of god, won’t someone hold me?”

    Alternative: “Feed me.”

  76. Voshkod
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#42): Hang on, now. I live in D.C., where the largest wild animals are feral cats. Don’t call me a country boy, because I don’t want to get punched by Mark Trail.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    CdS: Played mini-golf every night? Myrtle Beach. Gotta be.

    Dinette: They might want to consider standing behind the couch. Chair’s too narrow. Hmm. Couch is too low. Aha! Crouching behind the couch!

    Scary: Sure are a lot of folks hiking around the canyon in the dark. Don’t they know about the vampires?

  78. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#47): Why do I always forget the *? *=Much better when sung in Willie the Groundskeeper’s voice.

  79. Agoraphobic Turtle
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Ha ha, it’s funny because the economy forces people to make undesirable choices, and Marvin hates his parents!

    No, but seriously: Where the fuck is the joke here? I get that this is Marvin and everything, but usually it can at least salvage up a pun about pissing/shitting oneself. The only funny thing I can get from this one is that Marvin’s depressed. Actually, that is pretty funny. Carry on, Marvin.

    Also, take a look at the rescuer’s face in panel 2 of Mary Worth and tell me he isn’t planning to drop Wilbur in the water.

  80. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Sea Rescuer to Wilbur:

    Sir, I realize you might be grateful for being saved but please don’t salute my crotch! Stand down, sweaty man, stand down!

  81. pugfuggly
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT What lazy poachers! “Hey, where did that kid go? You know, the one that took incriminating pictures of us a few minutes ago? We should really catch up with him and, uh, threaten him, or something?”

    MW The vacation may have gone badly for Dawn, but Wilbur finally gets to realize his boyhood fantasy of being rescued by a burly GI Joe airman. He just feels so safe in those strong arms…

    FW Other town carnivals may serve ‘hotdogs’ or ‘franks’, but in Westview they go with the much more precise term: ‘sausage sandwiches’.

  82. btown
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    MW: In Chapter 1, Dawn is addicted to the Internet, and is easily cured thanks to a little kite flying with Wilbur

    In Chapter 2, Dawn is dumped by her pretend online non-boyfriend, and will presumably be “cured” via a little international near-death experience.

    I sincerely hope that Chapter 3 of “Dawn has a bad day” will involve blowing up the Hoover Dam and/or time travel.

  83. Cloudbuster
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    MW: Wow. Wilbur and Mr. Resculini have been thoroughly covered. I got nothin left! Serves me right for showing up late!

    GT: He’s just embarrassed because he lost his arm in an incident involving a really bad combination of auto-erotic asphyxiation and a weed-whacker. It’s kind of awkward to explain.

    Luann: Basically, Delta is frigid. Stay away.

    ASM: Because it actually is Peter Parker’s fault, you loser.

  84. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    This is wrong, I know.
    In A3G, Margo sez:

    “You have good taste, Mr. Graham.”

    I so wish he had said, “Please, call me cracker.”

    Though, it might be equally funny if he said “Golden”.

    Aw heck. It would’ve been hilarious if he had said “Tella”!

  85. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#43): “You know, prisoners in top-secret detention are allowed as much of this porn as they want, as part of interrogation and general breaking down their souls.” I’m not going to ask how you know this.
    Rule 634. If you can think of it, porn based upon it is being used by the guards at Gitmo, and not in a nice way.

    @Sequitur (#44): Oh, great. The virgin nazi.
    I was so sure this was a reference to Edda’s real grandpa…

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#63): “You could have taken that sign off your back by using your hands!” It’s probably stuck on with Krazy Klown Glue.
    Or it could just be a sheet of regular paper, but things stick to Spidey’s back just like he sticks to walls and ceilings! Just think of it — he could pick up trash simply by rolling around!

    @geekwhisperer (#66): The whole Rusty meme was eclipsed by the admittedly rather small furore over GOATMAN!

  86. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#75): Awwww. (Yeah, I am definitely too lonely.)

  87. Ed Dravecky
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#66): Any “oh no, embarrassing pics on the web” plotline would be almost 20 years after Picket Fences tried it (badly) so, yeah, that’s almost stale enough for Mark Trail.

  88. Calico
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#71):
    “Mommy, why aren’t marbles and jacks Olympic Sports? Also, a Malapropism throwdown?”

  89. NoahSnark
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Wilbur’s smile says he is happy to end his vacation in the arms of a manly man.

  90. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#84): Aw heck. It would’ve been hilarious if he had said “Tella”!
    I still say you can’t beat “Candy.”

  91. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#85): “If you can think of it, porn based upon it is being used by the guards at Gitmo, and not in a nice way.” Imagine how they’re using that MW panel.

  92. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#89): Sigh…(goes back to whittling the initials “NH” into nearby tree)

  93. Cloudbuster
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#50): They could only afford one pony-hoodie model, and you can trace the chronology of the shoot from her facial expressions.

    Top three photos: OK, I guess the money’s well worth a few pictures in this stupid hoodie *smiles x 3!*
    Middle Bottom: God, I hope they don’t make me turn around with this hood up.
    Right Bottom: I am never going to live this down. Fuck that ‘say Pony’ shit!
    Left Bottom: You want me to put my hands how? I swear I am going to come over there and Pony your ass!

  94. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#92): By which I meant NS. Geez.

  95. Marc
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    9CL- Can I go ahead and predict that Edda’s dancing will be so wonderful that ballet brass will reconsider and allow, no beg the most beautiful ballerina ever to keep her job?

  96. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#94): re: my “NH” slipup – My pet name for NS is ‘Heathcliff’ – the Bronte antihero or the cat? My secret…

  97. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#62): I don’t understand what you don’t understand what we didn’t understand.

    Josh’s caption is “Haw, haw! Ladies sure be hatin’ their bodies, amirite, fellahs?”, accompanied by today’s MW showing Wilb glad they were rescued while looking like they’re in an awkwardly homoerotic moment. Are their two versions of this page online? As a MAD movie satire title once asked, What’s the connection?

  98. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @btown (#82):

    I sincerely hope that Chapter 3 of “Dawn has a bad day” will involve blowing up the Hoover Dam…

    Chapter 4: Dawn finds true love in the arms of George Hayduke.

    @Mibbitmaker (#97): Huh. My browser shows the MW snark with MW and the FW snark with FW, as has done since Josh posted. Glitchy glitches are glitchy?

  99. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#81): “… in Westview they go with the much more precise term: ‘sausage sandwiches’.”

    Well, you can’t expect a family comic strip to call them “guinea grinders”.

  100. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    MW/FW – The caption under MW should be for FW. Mary Worth should contain a caption explaining how the ship is suddenly lying on its side….

  101. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    If only those poachers had some way to catch up to Rusty in a hurry, possibly to tip over his canoe so he knew they meant business…

  102. Cloudbuster
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    MW: Notice the little rip on Wilbur’s trousers. Isn’t that an odd little detail? I don’t remember, at any time during the shipwreck, Wilbur being involved in any activity that would compromise his, erm, sartorial integrity. Such as it is.

  103. Ed Dravecky
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @btown (#82): Or? I pray that Chapter 3 of “Dawn has a Bad Day” involves both blowing up the Hoover Dam and time travel!

    “Theorizing that one could time travel within the hours of his local Quiznos, Wilbur Weston stepped into the Quantum Mayo accelerator—and vanished. His only guide on this journey is Mary, an observer from his own time that meddles in the form of a hologram that only Wilbur can see and hear. And so Wilbur finds himself leaping from deli to deli, striving to put mayo on ever whiter bread, and hoping each time that his next sandwich will be his ticket home.”

  104. Esther Blodgett
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    MW: I am scarred for life.

  105. Dr. Moreau
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    FW: Months of passive-aggressive “Are you really going to eat all of that?” comments as she nibbled at her meager salads had failed to turn his lithe, willowy girlfriend on the path to self-loathing. He was beginning to despair that he would ever manipulate her into the kind of insecure wreck who would never leave him, until that fateful trip to the carnival showed him the way. Replacing all the reflective surfaces in her apartment with fun-house mirrors would cost a pretty penny, but it would be well worth it, he thought with a knowing smirk.

  106. Uncle Lumpy
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#95):

    The ballet brass sees that misery raises Edda’s art to new heights, and concocts a fresh torture before every performance. On Monday, Edda wakes up in Funky Winkerbean, missing a leg.

  107. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Archie: It looks like Archie has a spray nozzel on that hose. One can turn water on and off with a spray nozzel. Why does Archie have to tell Jughead to turn the water on and off? Why am I thinking about Archie?

  108. Cloudbuster
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    MT: In panel 2, we see a building and a fence in the background, so presumably they made it all the way home. Are the sheep-fraggers really going to track Rusty all the way back to his house? Then what? Wait until they get in their canoes and dive-bomb them with the plane? They better watch out for grizzlies!

  109. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Cul de Sac: I’ve been to that motel.

  110. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#90):
    Dangit!

    It didn’t even occur to me. Good one.

    What has occurred to me as I’m barely awake is:

    Stop The Presses! Ignore all that hype about Doonesbury–if that is indeed a real name–trying to appeal to younger folks!
    Word is that part-titular character * in “Barney Google and Snuffy Smith” is changing his name to Mistopher Trendy!

    I look forward to reading Mistopher Trendy each morning! What next, Mistopher? Baggy pants? (check) a stylish black hat? (check) no teeth like a meth addict? (check)

    *”part-titular” may not particularly be proper. but it is early. excuse me, please.

  111. Jon the Red
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    “I go on vacation with Dawn and we end up needng to be rescued! But my daughter and I survived!…That’s all that matters!” I mean, sure, all those other people probably aren’t gonna make it, but hey, count your blessings, right?

  112. Marc
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#83): RE Luann: She’d give new meaning to the term “freeze your dick off”.

  113. Peanut Gallery
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#Y335): I’ve been perusing that Lego Bible (Scudder is right, it’s frightfully addicting), and I have to say, I wouldn’t want children exposed to a lot of those Bible stories. They should stick with wholesome family entertainment — like the comics! Let’s see, here’s a cute, innocent little strip called “love is…” GAAH!

  114. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#99): I think guinea grinders is what’s going on in MW today.

  115. DaveyK
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    “Plus,” Wilbur thought, “This rescue guy is grinding his groin into mine, so I think there’s potential upside to this disaster in the form of a sexy foreign Coast Guardsman!”

  116. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#110): And Mistopher Trendy has that bald pate that’s so popular along with the raggedy moustache. And he’s short. That works too.

    //I’m too tall to be short.

  117. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Marvin – And it’s funny because they both shit their pants, right???

    MT – Ahh, Rusty in Oz – I’m diggin’ it….

    MW – The expression on Air/Sea Rescuer in panel two, really says it all….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  118. pugfuggly
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#84):

    I so wish he had said, “Please, call me cracker.”

    “It’s not actually my name, but I’m reclaiming the word so those awful minorities can’t use it against us white people anymore. So let’s talk business, my cracker!”

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#99):

    Well, you can’t expect a family comic strip to call them “guinea grinders”.

    Given that its Funky, I just assumed they’d call them ‘Cancer Dongs’ or ‘Tumour Tubes’.

    @Ed Dravecky (#103):

    It’s like Sliders, if Sliders had a promotional tie-in with White Castle.

  119. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: We interrupt the same-old generic A3G male face for a cameo by a very young Dick Cavett.
    We now return you to our regularly scheduled bland reperatory player, already in progress.

    BC: “Clown punching bag” was a gift for Baka.

    9CL: Money shot! The hell with the storyline! (sez Brooke)

    DT: Wendy Wichel… Witch…. Gee, that naming’s Spooky! She thinks she’s such Hot Stuff!

    FW: So, what’ll it be? Bulemia? Annorexia?……… Good choice, madame…

    H&L: First speech balloon…. You’re welcome, stoners.

    Lio: Kitty irony.

    JP: Ouch, Sam! Is that any way to treat a moment of Driver hyperprivilege (HIS wine immediately loved to his face), by hitting her with the “nobody likes you” bit, essentially? C, whadda a-h!

    Luann: Delta not equalling fun? Yeah, we know.

    MW: “Hey! Baldy! Stop humping me, willya?! Creep!”

    Glibporn: Men stink and think they’re not weenie little playthings, women are controlling dominitrixes, and Brooke’s discourse dissolves into actual “troll gas”.
    Yeah, we know.

    S-M: Suddenly, the two self-involved lunkheads break into an odd combination of mime and interpretive dance…

    FC: Because….. Olympics.

  120. Fred
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Game warden, josh, not prision warden. Guess you don’t regularly blow away defenseless animals with high powered weaponry to know that.

  121. Little Blue Bicycle
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MW, panel 2: “Mamma Mia! Egli è grasso!”

  122. Alter Ego
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    love is… violating the Mann Act.

  123. Little Guy
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Curtis: She may say that she doesn’t believe in those devil-inspired devices like TV, computers, and the mimeographic, but she seems to me like a secret follower of Bast.

  124. CanuckDownSouth
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    The Town where Lucha Libre Is for Reals!: What’s more likely: that the townsfolk are frozen with the realization that they could have apprehended the head criminal any Friday at the ring or they’re shocked that an upstanding businessman has the time for a serious lucha libre hobby complete with bizarre cops-n-robbers-keep-the-peace narrative?

  125. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#122): Pluggers don’t cross the state line with their hookers, so as not to violate the Mann Act. Thanx to Smilin’ Jack Johnson of Levenworth, KS….

  126. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#107): Was going to ding you for spelling “nozzle” as “nozzel”, but I see that both the OED and the 1899 Century Cyclopedia recognize it as a variant. Century actually prefers “nozle”.

    Pshaw! And phui!

  127. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#98): Aaaah! Mine (like, I assume Pak-Man’s) isn’t showing FW on this page.

    One of those “atdmt” things has been hounding me around these parts alot lately. I hope that’s not connected somehow. No apparent problems with that for most of this session, though.

  128. Señor Tortilla
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Curtis – Is the joke supposed to be here that she has sex with her cats? That’s what I’m getting.

    MW – Man, I hope with Wilbur’s smugness, he dies somehow.

  129. AhClem
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    First FOOB, and now MW. What about the pot roast? For God’s sake, won’t somebody save Wilbur’s dinner?

  130. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#126): Nozzel was Superman’s uncle.

  131. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Mary Worthless Why does that helicopter have landing gear like a Sopwith Camel?

    A3G What was the name of that Twilight Zone episode where mannequins come to life? Because looking at this strip is a lot like watching that episode, except the carefully-posed mannequins never come to life.

  132. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#130): Right. The one that was always spouting off about power and responsibility. What a hoser!

  133. Liam
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    MW-Excuse me, sir, but it is not customary to get an erection while being rescued.

    MW 2-Things are going to get awkward when that guy asks for a tip after getting some Wilbur’s tip pressed against him.

  134. Dartpaw86
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    If the economy is so bad, and Marvin is so poor. How the heck can he afford a TIME MACHINE!?

  135. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail–

    I don’t mean to pile on like Wilbur at a sausage sandwich stand in a Funky Winkerbean strip however the notion that the miscreants in MT were speaking of a Prison Warden confused me, too.

    It is probably best to think of The Warden as being a very important member of the forest defense group that Doc and Rusty invoke, The Wildlife People.

    I’m not that famiilar with 1950s/60s adventure tv shows but it sounds like one that could have been. The Wildlife People, starring Charles Heston as the Warden.

  136. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#81): FW Other town carnivals may serve ‘hotdogs’ or ‘franks’, but in Westview they go with the much more precise term: ‘sausage sandwiches’.

    That’s the brand name they use in the vendos. The carnies know what the rubes want.

  137. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#134):

    Marvin – The problem is that, while everyone else was using their time machine to invest in Apple in 1982 or to warn their 19YO self to pick a different college major, Marvin used it to visit himself as an infant and reminisce about dirty diapers.

  138. bats :[
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#47): oh, my, I didn’t know Pusheen was a comics/website…thanks!

    A3G: oh, oh. Maybe there’s a new romance brewing in NYC. Of course, it’s Margo-style…

  139. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    DT: Is the Walter Winchell lady reporter character supposed to be actress Wendie Malick? I’m cool with that, so long as Valerie Bertinelli doesn’t make an appearance.

    SM: Spidey’s jazz hands meet Jonah Jameson’s Fists o’ Justice! This strip can now happy. (And soon, please.)

    9CL: Ah, art! Wonderful, enlightening art! Soul-enriching art! Pure, divine, aesthetics! Why do you beefwits persist in sullying this strip by pulling it down from its place in that most elevated Olympian plane of all that is purest and most refined, by interpreting it in any other way? Shame on you unworthy plebeian swine! Shame, shame!

  140. Doctor Handsome
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    “Good Lord, Rusty, killers are after you?! Oh, you mean the poachers. Quit trying to artificially escalate the stakes by pretending the lives of your stupid sheep have any value and go chop some firewood.”

  141. Dartpaw86
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Lois: I’ll go get Hi.
    Me: I’m sure you will.

  142. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#139):

    R: 9CL – That rant would have a lot more bite it he took his hand out of his pocket while he delivered it.

  143. Slug
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    I love how the skinny chick has such horrifying image issues that she believes a fun house mirror is a proper indication of her food intake, and will probably be anorexic and/or commit suicide. And her boyfriend has a lifeless smile: “Once she dies, life will hurt less but still be completely unbearable! Oh joy!”

    …Dammit, Josh, when you hate stuff it’s funny. When I do it’s depressing.

  144. Deadliest Catch
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Dear Ask Wendy,

    I am an attractive, nice Italian helicopter sea rescue diver. I had lost my sense of porpoise in life and was just going though the motions.

    Fly out to sea.

    Save another life.

    Yawn

    I was beginning to despair that this was all I had to look forward to and I was to the point where I was going to tie the end of the rescue line into a noose and end it all.

    Then it happened.

    We were called out to save a stricken luxury liner that was hopelessly aground many, many feet from shore.

    We were there only hope.

    I saved life after life and then there was one more. A vision of my future in a lime green sport jacket. I pulled him close to me in the harness, body against body. The scent of ham, American cheese, white bread, and mayonnaise he was exuding took me away.

    My question, should I risk everything and expose my latent tendacies and declare my love for this complete stranger?

    If he says no, I will be crushed and will end it all. But, if he says yes and whisks me away to live a life in luxury and Diet-Pepsi it will be worth it.

    Please advise soon before he arcs away.

  145. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#98): Same here, but if others are seeing the captions switched, at least it explains the rather puzzling puzzlement over the whole thing. Mibbitmaker, are you seeing this on, I don’t know, a mobile browser or something that might account for the different appearance you and at least one other reader have reported today?

    @Droopy Says (#131): What was the name of that Twilight Zone episode where mannequins come to life?
    I believe the title of that was “The One Where the Mannequins Come to Life.”

  146. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Deadliest Catch (#144): For a second there, I thought Ask Wendy had moved from the Daily Meddler to Penthouse … which would be a pretty awesome thing for Mary to do to Wilbur.

    “How could you do something so irresponsible, Mary?”

    “Hey, Mr. Responsibility, you’re the one who took a two-month leave of absence because your adult daughter got dumped over the internet by a guy she never met, let alone dated!”

  147. Doctor Handsome
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#131): I think the TZ you mean is “The After Hours.”

  148. bats :[
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Honest to gosh, after all these years with most of us acknowledging that the Burber women have no discernible chins, I really did think the first depiction of Edda was a wardrobe malfunction, not a glimpse of her jaw and tip of the nose. Granted, it was a little subtle for B”mmm naked fairies”McE, but I really did think that.
    But since she’s leaving/been kicked out of ballet company, leave them regretting it, Edda!

  149. Pak-Man
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Yeah I’m not seeing FT or the boat caption at all. Just Marvin, Mark Trail, and Mary Worth with the Woman’s Body caption. I’m using Internet Explorer.

  150. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Pak-Man (#149): Explorer has been doing a lot of odd things lately. For example, I couldn’t use the ‘reply’ on this site for several days. No problem in Firefox.

  151. Pak-Man
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    FW not FT.

  152. tb4000
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Yes Evans, any chick not dating a guy is automatically a lesbian. I know in the Luann-Verse that equates to any avatar that has turned you down in real life, so try to keep it subtle, bro.

  153. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Pak-Man (#151): I liked “FT”. Another minced oath. “Funk that”.

  154. Walker of Dog
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: As the straining helicopter motor sends wave after wave of vibrations down the rescue cable, the rescuer curses Igor Sikorsky, who spins in his grave at 350 rpm.

    FW: Good ol’ self-loathing. Without it, the Winkerbean line would have died out generations ago.

    A3G: While Margo ponders a new logo for M&M, Evan melts in her mouth, then in her hand. She would make him clean up when she’s finished, but he’ll be dead by then.

    9CL: Wait – Edda’s wearing underwear?!

  155. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Aren’t Delta and Crystal the same person? Has anyone seen them together? It would explain why Crystal has to spend so much time re-applying her whiteface makeup.

  156. un malpaso
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I have a feeling that it’ll take at least two more burly Italian rescuers to pry Wilbur loose from his burly Italian rescuer once they reach shore…

  157. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#145): I’m doing this on a plain ol’ PC. Not even a laptop. I even went off, then back on, the internet and it made no difference. Still shows MW, but cuts off the MW comment and FW strip, going straight to the FW comment.

    Like I said in #127, I have been having Atdmt cookie problems lately, where it sometimes fills my “recent pages” window with the same url over and over (a custom scan seemed to eliminate it, only for it to reappear with the last numeral in the number at the end going from 4 to 5), sometimes eliminates my ability to get back to the earliest pages of my session, and occasionally both. I usually see the “done” at the lower left blinking, though that has been inconsistant at times. I can sometimes bring things back from the url bomb by clicking on a link to move things forward, which gets rid of all those atdmt urls that were showing.

    It has been mostly focused on here lately (not for most of today, though), so I hope there’s no connection between that and the missing strip/comment in Josh’s post on my computer.

  158. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#150): I’m on Internet Explorer, too. Still, all and all, better than the ol’ dial-up (fwiw).

  159. Doctor Handsome
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Does the Fun House operator even realize how much he’s fucking up the Sausage Sandwich guy’s business? Is it intentional? Do they have some longstanding rivalry, perhaps over a woman? I like to imagine there’s a full, rich backstory there. Anything to distract me from the banal yet somehow angry-making activities of the regular cast.

  160. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#158): I think it’s an Explorer problem. Nothing against Explorer – I still use it quite a bit. Firefox eliminates problems between Explorer and Pinterest, for instance. I still use dialup at home – that’s why you’ll rarely see an evening post from me. Still, today’s dialup can load a graphics-heavy site like this one in a couple of minutes. I remember waiting longer than that four or five years ago.

  161. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dawn: “Watching that shocked and disgusted Coast Guardsman dump Wilbur from the harness reminds me of Dave.”

    FW: Wally is smirking even more than usual because he is seeing his own image in the funhouse mirror, and he likes the visual effect of the carnival’s “sausage sandwich”.

  162. Walker of Dog
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    GT: And Steve spirals back to that dark day… specifically, Black Friday at the Paramus Best Buy.

    MT: “Damn that warden and his generous support of the local photographic arts scene!”

    Plug: …but since he keeps a stash of Milky Ways and Pringles behind the toilet, the calorie count is probably a wash at best.

    Phan: What else could possibly be left to reveal about the scantily clad Victor?
    Botched circumcision?

  163. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#156): I had to chuckle at the image of exponentially growing numbers of Italian khaki commandos going in after their comrades, wave after wave, trying to save them from the Great White Wilb until Dawn only is escaped alone to tell thee.

  164. boconn
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Il soccorritore: Incredibile! La cintura di sicurezza è stato testato il peso, ma ora è rottura! Madre di Dio mi salvi!

    Rescuer: Incredible! The safety harness was weight tested, but now it’s breaking! Mother of God save me!

  165. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#163): I know – Wilbur tries to set up his rescuer with Dawn – the poor fellow’s expression of horror in panel two becomes even more profound….

  166. Ned Ryerson
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Here’s my very, very, specific to me joke on Mary Worth that maybe someone will appreciate, but I doubt it:

    When I see Wilbur’s body language during this rescue, it reminds me of the scene from the movie Sixteen Candles where two bit player nerds portrayed by John Cusack and some other guy who went on to be much less notable than John Cusack, are being driven home from the cool kids party in the trunk of a car driven by two hulking jocks. John Cusack’s character is the closer of the two when the trunk is opened so one of the jocks lifts him out first. The other nerd then sort of sidles over a bit and assumes a posture and facial expression that seems to say to the other jock, “well, aren’t you going to lift me out the trunk now?”

    What? Nobody else has watched that movie 400 times on some premium channel or other?

  167. Snarkotix Addict
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G A3G Theater presents “All About Evan” starring Evan Graham as Evan Harrington andMargo Magee as Margo Channing.
    Yikes! Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!

  168. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#147): Thanks. I knew the TZ episode had “Hour” in the title, but all I could think of was “The Lateness of the Hour.” And I knew the robots were too lifelike for A3G.

  169. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#165): “No! No! La donna ha cappelli di moffetta e un’atteggiamento corrispondere!”

  170. Spiff Bereft
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: All I’m saying is somebody’s smokestack is jutting at an unrealistic angle.

  171. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y312): Thank you kindly!

  172. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MW – the fact that the word frottage has been used to described today’s strip tells me more about the posters than the strip itself. I can only imagine the hilarity if Wilbur were drawn with his butt against the nice, big, burly Italian man’s (pant, pant, pant) crotch.

    Delta – Geez, LuAnn, leave me be! I’m not ready to come out of the closet. So, yeah, if I can have a husband without dealing with all the yucky stuff, I’m down with that.

    Frazz – So my least favorite comic character, the perversely educated Caulfield, actually said this: “I owe a coke to Asclepius; see that he gets it.”. And, yes, the semi-colon was actually in the balloon. So, which one of you geniuses on this site is writing this strip? Fess up!

    Frottage and Asclepius, indeed!

  173. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#172): I only found out very recently that Wikipedia has nasty pictures. I had felt safe looking up unfamiliar words there, up to that point. Frottage is a word that I don’t recommend looking up on Wikipedia.

  174. Hibbleton
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur smiles smugly as he assimilates his rescuer Thing style.

    Hi & Lois: One time I filled my bird feeder from a 5 lb. bag of sunflower seed and left the rest in a bag on the deck. A few hours later I found my crazy dog had eaten most of the remainder, and then he kept me up till 4 in the morning shitting his brains out. Just sayin’ Hi shouldn’t be taking Thirsty on any long car rides.

  175. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Buckles – in the course of a week, I’ve learned that wild fish have names. Old Hardy in JP and now Oscar, who has a scar no less. I thought all fish looked alike. That must make me a fiscist.

  176. Anninyn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    In Funky Winkerbean, the unrealistic body standards forced on women prevent yet another woman from doing as she wishes, due to her fear of becoming unloveable. After this, she spirals into builmia and anorexia, punishing her body for not looking ‘right’.

    Hilarious!

  177. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#172): I don’t know from frottage, but once he gets rid of the public lice, Commander Khaki is going to make a point of waxing before missions.

  178. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    9CL – that commotion you hear in the pit is Amos dryhumping his cello. The rest of the noise is the majority of the orchestra holding their noses, going, “ewwww!”

  179. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#177): Dang! You beat me to the crabs joke! I was working on a Kwell reference. Quick witted bunch here.

  180. Snarkotix Addict
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @ #173 lynn
    You knew we would look, didn’t you!

  181. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#173): Sympathies. A few years ago, I wanted to find some information about the mammal known in Latin as Castor canadensis, since a young member of that species, named (of course) “Lucky,” was the protagonist in MT at the time. The lesson I learned that day can be summed up in three short words. Don’t google “beaver.”

  182. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#174): So that’s how we lose brains. I always thought it was from sneezing too hard.

  183. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#179): If it’s any consolation, in my haste I misspelled “pubic.”

  184. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#183): And if it’s any consolation to you, I was so locked in, I missed the spelling error v

  185. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#126):

    This here’s my nozzel;
    this here’s my nozzle;
    this one’s for making wozzel,
    this one’s for having fun!

    Hmm, needs work.

  186. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    MT — The word “warden” takes me back to childhood books about wildlife. Around here, “game warden” is long gone, replaced by “conservation officer.”

  187. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#182): HAR! I don’t know about brains, but after seeing the impact of feeding a lot of birds a lot of sunflower seed, I’ll vouch for the shit.

  188. Cleve Barrister
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#100): Simple-Once “whale boy” Wilbur was lifted off, the “counter-weight” keeping the ship semi-erect was no longer there

  189. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#185): I don’t know how much work it needs. Isn’t there a Popeye character named Nozzle*? Perhaps you could get a gig ghostwriting for Hy Eisman!

    *Ah, I’m thinking of O.G. Wotasnozzle, but surely, Nozzles could be added toThimble Theatre’s beastiary alongside Goons and Grumps, all the more so seeing as your song/poem about them doesn’t make a lick of sense!

  190. Perky Bird
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Judging by his expression in panel 2, the Italian rescuer has just discovered that the creature known as wilbursis comboverus sandwichii will evacuate its bowels when (1) frightened by heights or (2) aroused by men in uniform.

  191. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#186): Around here (CNY) it’s now just DEC, making them even more bureaucratic.

  192. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#187): I ate at a potluck this past Sunday and I think I ate something that didn’t agree with me. I’ve been losing a lot of brains the past couple of days.

  193. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#181): Bwa-ha! Two years ago, I was researching a novel that included a character with a variety of medical issues, and I learned that if you use ‘image search’ the search engine stays on ‘image search’. What is seen cannot be unseen. Bleh.

  194. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#180): Yes, last year some commenter on some site used the word “frotteur” and I stupidly looked it up. Not only had I not known Wikipedia has xxx pictures on it, but at age 54 (well, 53 then) I had lived my life so as never to see a lifelike depiction of what men seem to like to call ‘junk’.

  195. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#186): “The word “warden” takes me back to childhood books about wildlife. Around here, “game warden” is long gone, replaced by “conservation officer.”” – What we have here is a failure to communicate.

  196. Mark B.
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#177): I’m thinking that public lice are way more embarrassing than the pubic ones.

  197. Pinocchio
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#145):

    “What was the name of that Twilight Zone episode where mannequins come to life?
    I believe the title of that was “The One Where the Mannequins Come to Life.”

    I’d have guessed that was the title of that “Friends” episode where mannequins come to life.

  198. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “I prefer ‘peon,’ actually, peon.”

    Curtis – Ohhh. Billingsley, was that necessary?

    FW – URRRGH.

    GT – “Oh yes, I love making small talk about the most traumatic experience in my life!”

    JP – So cabernet goes well with waffles and baked potatoes, then? [*]

    Luann – ARGHAGLFLARGRBL

    MW – I didn’t know cruise liners come equipped with cannons in Italy!

    Monty – This is not a good strip to begin questioning plausibility in, guys.

    RMMD – “Bah! Sex! Who needs it?”

    SM – Aw, poor Spider-Man, taking the blame for things that are totally his fault!

  199. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#196): Yes, pubic lice don’t run for office.

  200. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#114): COTW nomination!

  201. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#199): But a louse is often elected.

  202. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Not to be confused with that Kim Kattrall movie from the late 80s when the department store mannequin transformed at night into something even more wooden and with an even more limited range of expressions.

  203. Shrug
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#173):

    Wilbur daydreams of retiring to a “little vine-covered frottage.”

  204. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#145): What was the name of that Twilight Zone episode where mannequins come to life?
    I believe the title of that was “The One Where the Mannequins Come to Life.”

    I know that one, that had that actor in it, you know who I mean. He was a lot younger then, and did all those other things later, right?

  205. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#200): You are too kind. I was inspired by the Rev…*blush, blush*

  206. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#203): Ah, yes, Wilbur was quite moved by the lesser-known pornographic work of Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Lice.

  207. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#201): “But a louse is often elected.” – Yes, to the embarrasment of us all.

  208. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#203): In all humility I cede COTW to you.

  209. SurrealKangaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Why do I get the feeling that I am still going to be living with my parents in 2042?

  210. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    It is quite embarrassing to misspell ‘embarrassing’

  211. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @SurrealKangaroo (#209): I will be with my parents, too – in the grave! (How batiukian!)

  212. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

  213. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#207):

    Yes, but what kind of a functioning Republic alouse such a louse to serve?

  214. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#158): My suggestion would to be to download and install Google Chrome, or Firefox, and see if they work better for you. It really doesn’t take long, and you can uninstall if you don’t like them.

    // Of course, only if you own the computer, and/or are allowed to do things like that.

    // I’m a big fan of Chrome, but I do Firefox too. YMMV.

  215. Baka Gaijin
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#50): Wha, what, WHAT? Yes, if Deadpool is that fine clown-bashing man, yes, I am a fan.

    @Ed Dravecky (#103): Oh my. [/George Takei]

    @Mibbitmaker (#119): Pfuh! There was no clown punching. No. Clown. Punching. I am disapponted. Yes, disapponted.

    @Mr. Manchineel (#177): In Florida you can get public lice medications at the Publix store. It’s funnier if you hear it as my friend said it when he first its sign: “Pube-licks.” He has never lived that down.

  216. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#195): But in the Trailverse, they are called the Animal People – isn’t that what Doc called them? So the Warden is in charge of the Animal People – sounds very Island of Dr. Moreau-ish.

  217. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#200): @lynn (#114): Wilbur walks into an Italian sandwich shop, says “I’ll have the usual.” The guy behind the counter says, “One guinea grinder coming up!”

  218. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#217): Side order of frottage cheese!

  219. Charterstoned
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    MW – Whoa, way too much phallic imagery in that first panel! Wilbur’s expression in the next panel has me thinking he should be lighting a cigarette and asking his rescuer, “Was that as good for you as it was for me?”

    MT – Wouldn’t you think, at some point, LoFo residents would start to wonder whatever happened to the neighborhood, and then move away? Sheesh, every time they turn around, there’s a killer, a drug dealer, a wife abuser, or a kidnapper wreaking havoc. I mean, if you don’t even get to enjoy a peaceful existence, all you have left is violence punctuated by platters of flesh-colored flapjacks.

  220. Cloudbuster
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#219): platters of flesh-colored flapjacks

    They have real Soylent Green in every bite, and they’re terribly addicting. That’s why no one leaves. Not the addicting part. If you try to leave, you go into the flapjacks.

  221. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Like I said yesterday, Edda is so far elevated above mere ordinary ballerinas that she dances with her eyes closed. I’m building my shrine to you as fast as I can, Edda! Just waiting for another small shipment of semi-precious stones!

  222. Cloudbuster
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#202): Watching that particular chunk of wood petrify is one of the more horrifying things I’ve seen. Trailers for the Sex and the City movies give me nightmares.

  223. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#218): He’s a classy guy. He’d order fromage.

  225. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#185): Hey, my cousin has two dicks – you know what he named the first one? Jose’ – You know what he named the second one? Hose B….

  226. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): Actually, back in the day, we schoolboys used to refer to that episode as “The One with Anne Francis in It”. OK, I still do, unless I’m talking about the other one with Anne Francis in it.

  227. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#47):

    Mark Trail: And then we might have to pay a small fine and become martyrs for the NRA! We can’t let that happen!! First, to dispose of this nicotine gum wrapper from the kind of gum that people chew when they are trying to quit smoking…

    Fixed that for ya!

  228. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#42):

    Well, *I* thought that it was oddly worded too, because the word “Game” didn’t precede the word “Warden”, and thus a prison warden was what came immediately to my mind.

  229. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#222):

    She built a pretty successful career playing variations of her ‘Lassie’ character from Porky’s who screams in a bored monotone while having sex. Literally a one-note actress.

    “OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!”

  230. Ian Beste
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#173): Try the French language wikipedia — http://fr.wikipedia.org — oh la la.

  231. Dale
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#76):

    I live in D.C., where the largest wild animals are feral cats.

    You mean the lobbyist is finally extinct?

  232. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#230): Ha ha, no way!

  233. bats :[
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#202): hey! Don’t diss HOLLLLLYWOOOOD!

  234. bbofun
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    MW- The poachers realize Rusty has pictures of them, and decide to disguise themselves with fake beards- not realizing that that, of course will mark them for death in the Lost Forest.

    (Wrote that, then realized the “mark” pun. Apologies all around. I’m really not related to Les Moore.)

    Oh, and I just got home from portraying a sheep. Baa.

  235. This Guy
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: Since I can’t seem to find any connection between the mythical Asclepius and the owing of beverages, I’m forced to conclude that there is a character in this strip actually named Asclepius. What sin have the people of the Frazz universe committed that the gods should visit them with a plague of pretentious parents?

  236. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur to his rescuer: “Do you mind if I write to you when I get back home? Just think of me as Wendy.”

  237. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#192): I feel your pain. Hope you’ll be better soon. I went to a potluck pig roast in southwest Virginia years ago (not that I blame the state:-) and several attendees brought bowls of yummy potato salad. I spent the next two days either in my bathroom or moaning nearby.

    Incidentally, did you know that some researchers now believe the human appendix evolved as a microbial reservoir so it could supply new microflora to the gut after a total intestinal wipeout? This means that thousands of years ago, cave people must have had potlucks! “Oog no want potato salad. Oog remember last time.”

  238. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#235): I’m betting on frottage, myself.

  239. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#236): Awwww! (Really, I am getting into this Wilbur/Resculini bromance.)

  240. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    MW – If Wilbur had been drawn with a bored or neutral expression, well then we would be complaining “He seems pretty ungrateful for someone who was just rescued from certain death on a sinking ship!”

    Being a curmudgeon is hard work!

  241. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#237): You won’t believe this, but I once ate a chicken dinner, the cook of which only told us later that she defrosted the chicken in the trunk of her car while she was at work. Oh. There are no words to describe.

  242. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 7th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#221): Semi-precious stones??? Not good enough!!! Nothing but diamonds and onyx for a Burber!!!

  243. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#240): “He seems pretty ungrateful for someone who has just had an ecstatic physical experience.” – FTFY.

  244. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur joins the mile high club – am I the first to mention that? No!

  245. Charterstoned
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#237): “Oog no want potato salad. Oog remember last time.”

    I realize this line has nothing to do with the comics at hand, but I vote this as this week’s COTW. Hilarious!

  246. A Smirch Unheeded
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#228): And I thought of Anthony Trollope’s 1855 novel, The Warden, and its title character, Septimus Harding. What would the kindly, elderly clergyman have done about the slaughter of innocent sheep? How would this affect the pensioners of Hiram’s Hospital who were in his charge?

    One can only speculate.

    // I can, of course, reveal the actual ending of the novel, but only to do evil. Always read the fine print when you accept a super-power!

  247. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#235): Socrates’ last words upon drinking the hemlock

  248. Poteet
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#235): Since Asclepius was a god of healing and tried to promote health, I’m surprised he would want soft drinks.

  249. Ichi
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    MW We’re all thinking it:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/15187477@N03/7734736314/

    Congratulations old boy.

  250. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#243):

    Being faced with the prospect of imminent death, then suddenly realizing it is over and you are going to survive can be an ecstatic physical experience.

    In an interstellar burst, Wilbur’s back to save the uuuuuuuuniverse!

  251. A Smirch Unheeded
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#235): You probably know this, but it is a reference to the last words of Socrates: “Crito, we owe a cock to Aesculapius; pay it therefore, and do not neglect it.”

    Pretty clever, I thought.

  252. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#224): If by fromage you mean that white protein staining his pants leg, why yes, I suppose you’re right, he would.

  253. Dale
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#135):

    MT – It was obvious to me that the poacher meant game warden.

    BUT. Why would he even say that line? If he did, it would be “someone”, not “game warden”.

    Why would Elrod have him say it? The reader should be able to figure out, deduce, and even grasp that the poachers don’t want incriminating photos out there.

  254. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#251): But to which Hellenic deity does Wilbur owe his cock for pulling his oysters out of the sea?

  255. Liam
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-I was at an improv show and a riot broke out.

    FW-Nothing like a fun house mirror to fill you full of body image issues.

    MW-Wilbur, how dare you have a hole in your pants. Didn’t Mary ever tell you that if you are going to be involved in a disaster to look presentable?

  256. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#251): I am not going to comment on what Wilbur may owe Resculini.

  257. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#254): Oh, much better than mine.

  258. Shrug
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#215):

    ” It’s funnier if you hear it as my friend said it when he first its sign: “Pube-licks.” He has never lived that down.”

    So you’re saying he muffed the pronunciation?

  259. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    I think I will sign off and go read something less risque, like the Bible. Let’s see…”Song of Solomon”…

  260. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    I have an exegesis on the Song of Solomon that is still in the shrink wrap – the mere fact that it was sold in shrink wrap made me afraid to open it (it was a gift). What we do here is more like exe- geeeeez.

  261. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Luann— Don’t worry about Delta. She will eventually marry, but it won’t last. When she divorces, she will get what she’s always wanted, a large sanctimony.

    RMMD— Speaking of Delta, she seems to have gone through a 60-year time jump, turned white, and changed her name to Melissa.

  262. Shrug
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#216):

    THE LOST FOREST OF DR. MOREAU

    “Note to be less than humungous, that is the Law. Are we not clip art?”

  263. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): I know that one, that had that actor in it, you know who I mean. He was a lot younger then, and did all those other things later, right?
    Yeah! And there was this switch ending that came out of nowhere! And Rod Serling came out and wallowed in the irony of it all!

  264. Oregonian
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    MW – Judging by the top of the first panel, I’d have to guess that Wilbur has just been rescued from the sinking Italian cruise ship by the Spirit of St. Louis.

  265. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#258): So you’re saying he muffed the pronunciation?
    Well, that’s the ‘Merkin way.

  266. Shrug
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#234):

    “Oh, and I just got home from portraying a sheep.”

    Is that what you crazy kids are calling it these days?

  267. A Smirch Unheeded
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#260): I don’t think the Rev. Smith has done the Song of Solomon in Legos yet. Too bad.

  268. Shrug
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#241):

    And even that would be better than “defrosting a chicken”* by slipping it in between the groins of Wilbur and the handsome Italian lad as they are slowly hoisted up into the helicopter.

    (*ah, THAT’S what the crazy kids are calling it these days)

  269. Hibbleton
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#248):

    IDK, is coke the ‘remedy’ Caulfield needs to stay awake (medicine and poison sharing the same word in Asclepius’ time) during his trip shopping?

  270. Voshkod
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#231): We don’t consider the lobbyist to be an animal. More of an invasive plant.

  271. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#253):

    Why would he even say that line?

    To mess with Josh, obviously. Pretty soon all of Josh’s favorite targets will be making intentional mistakes that play upon those few areas of which our erstwhile Curmudgeon is ignorant in the hopes of forcing an error on his part. Apartment 3-G will start showing people below the waist on a regular basis, but with poorly drawn knees and ankles, only to reveal a day or two after Josh’s mockings that those characters suffer from debilitating osteopathic disabilities; Mary Will tell someone with a severe mood disorder that they need to buck up, quit crying, stop whining, and put on a happy face, but when that character immolates herself at a pool party, Mary is sincerely horrified and humbled and rethinks her approach to meddling; Archie will start up with new, but poorly formatted strips to trick Josh into making jokes about 90s re-runs; Marvin will make a references to some kind of intenstinal microflora, and while Josh is typing “Poop! Poop! Poop!” he’ll completely miss the fact that the organism referred to, is fact, an intestinal microfauna!

  272. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#239): A number of years ago I was in San Francisco on business and stayed at the Mark Twain. The front desk clerk was chatty and I, being a friendly sort, talked to the fellow. When I checked out he asked if he could write to me I got home.

    Guess that’s stuck with me…..Wilbur, you cuddly little teddy bear, you!

  273. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#271):

    “he’ll completely miss the fact that the organism referred to, is fact, an intestinal microfauna!

    Oh, Josh caught that mistake, he just chose not to comment in order to give the readers the chance to catch it for themselves. So it was an intestinal error.

  274. Erich Clapton
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#181): That’s a challenge, right?

  275. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#271): I’m sure this has been discussed many times before in these forums, but doesn’t seem as though things we discuss and mock often make their into the strips discussed? Or is this just a prescient, jaded bunch?

  276. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#267): They don’t make Lego people with navels like wine goblets. Not yet, at least.

  277. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#275): And why is my iPad suddenly deleting words from my posts? I sense a conspiracy.

  278. sally
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#42):

    Now, now, we all make mistakes.

    And while we’re on that subject, did you mean to say Rusty was paling around with the warden? It’s funny because prison wardens are pasty and white from being inside all the time! And Rusty himself is inexplicably pale in addition to being hideous, and stupid to boot! Whereas if he is hanging around with a game warden, who’d be leathery tan from being outside all the time and way too macho to bother with namby-pamby sunscreen, you’d probably have said he was palling around.

  279. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#272): Double ‘awwwww’! I am just a romantic at heart.

  280. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#277): Some of the words here probably should be deleted, from our posts and from our memories.

  281. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @sally (#278): A pall hangs over all the Lost Forest. I, personally, am appalled.

  282. Mary Worthless
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Omelet du Frottage anyone?

  283. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#113): I was going to have a nice BLT for lunch today, but then I saw this.

  284. This Guy
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#247): Ah. So still just the pretentious child and his pretentious parents. I mean, “Caulfield”? Really? I certainly hoped the registrar punched them when they signed the birth certificate.

  285. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mary Worthless (#282): Yeah! Let’s scramble some “eggs!”. Can we rub ‘em together first?

  286. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#284): Thank you. I’m glad someone else is onboard with me in regards to the prentention and general creepiness of this strip. It is truly snarkworthy.

  287. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#283): I noticed, even at the age of twelve, that God takes those rule-things kind of serious.

  288. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#247): Speaking of Plato, didn’t anyone notice his and Sarge’s veritable artillery frottage in today’s Beetle Bailey?

  289. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#288): ‘artillery frottage’ – I definitely didn’t need this mental image. Back to my Song of Solomon…

  290. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#65):

    MT: Cherry finds Rusty heading back and they pause to reconnoiter on the Acropolis. Meanwhile, Doc prepares the lab to develop the film from Rusty’s 70mm camera.

    Actually, I think it looks more like a 35mm camera from the early 1950′s.

  291. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Oh, don’t worry about living with mom and dad. They went through with the murder/suicide pact when they found out you were coming back.

    MW: Wilbur takes this opportunity to relieve himself. The rescue worker thought he had smelled it all, but never anything like this.

    Ziggy: Ziggy’s pets are usually somewhere between snarky and contemptuous, but the parrot’s look of abject pity is something else again.

    C-Shaft: Do we have a pool going yet for how many fatalities there’ll be at this county fair?

    9CL: Presumably this ballet has, like, a set, maybe some other dancers. We’ll be lucky if we see any of that this week, though.

    Archie: Jughead plays with Archie’s hose until it goes off. Nothing to see here, folks.

    JP: Sam predictably basks in it. “Yeah, my vineyards are awesome as you think. Why with a wine like this, even your little dive should bring in some customers.”

    RMMD: “Not to mention the rates of women who bury their husbands in shallow graves next to the gardenias. Not that that has anything to do with me.”

    HtH: Hagar is looking very much like a crudely drawn version of Electric Mayhem drummer Animal today.

    Phantom: “But will Ernesto dare to reveal the whole truth? That Victor also has a bright red birthmark on his shaft?”

    FC: As mommy keeps telling daddy, finishing first isn’t everything.

    DtM: Interesting question, Dennis. I’m sure Alice would love to hear how you sound asking it while dangled out a third story window. The laundry builds up strong arms, but they won’t hold out forever.

    SSmith: Bah. Food isn’t in or out. It’s tasty or nasty, that’s all.

    S-M: For those hoping to fail at two careers simultaneously, we have Peter Parker: a joke as a superhero, and too lazy to take pictures.

    SFx: As Robert Frost said, something there is that hates a wall. And this one built on marshy grass is likely to devolve into a pile of rocks within weeks. Then you’ll have to acknowledge your neighbor’s existence again.

  292. Baka Gaijin
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#265): Curse you! I wanted to say that. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

  293. TJ
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Marvin, if you’ve set up this whole time-travel thing JUST to make a 30 year old mess his pants, I shall be sorely disappointed… Not in you, I’ve come to expect that from you, but from humanity, no, LIFE in general.

  294. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Aside from the game warden/prison warden thing, I think Josh put the intended snark from Funky Winkerbean under Mary Worth. Or are you going full-on dadaist on us, Fruhlinger?

  295. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#284): @Chaze (#286): I know someone whose kids are named “Bronte” and “Finn,” which I believe is short for “Finnegan.”

  296. lynn
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

  297. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#18):

    A3G: “My name is Harry, but I’ve always preferred the name Evan…”

    I was hoping he was Larry Graham of Sly & the Family Stone and Graham Central Station. It would make for a weak resemblance, I’ll grant you.

  298. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#286): Me, too. I also have little tolerance for the “eating junk food and not being a fitness nut make one a terrible human being” theme. And Caulfield is so awful that I find myself sympathizing, more often than not, with his targets. And way too many elements of the set-up of this strip defy logic and reality. Seriously, I accept the premise that Bucky and Satchel can speak and write more readily than I accept the premises of Frazz being a successful songwriter who chooses to work as a janitor and of everyone in this community knowing each other’s business so intimately–and the premise of Caulfield himself.

    It’s not like it’s Reply All incompetent (thank you, Donna A. Lewis, establishing a standard of incompetence that we can all agree on), but it’s obnoxious in a particularly obnoxious way.

  299. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#295): You know, suddenly Skeezix sounds like a perfectly suitable name.

  300. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#12): Re BG&SS: Didn’t you mention to me a while back that cupcakes are in fact trendy food among the cognoscenti in the D.C. – Northeast corridor region? Or was it donuts?

    If Hootin’ Holler’s on to it, can pluggers be far behind?

  301. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#295): I have a colleague with a “Finn”–but “Bronte”? Is that a male or female name? I think naming one’s dog Bronte would be pretentious enough, but one’s child? As my ex used to say, “YGTBSM.” (The military, they love their acronyms!)

  302. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#300): Quite true, although it started in NYC, and it’s nationwide, now. Of course, I doubt Pluggers will stand in line to buy a $3 cupcake that comes in a pretty pink box—just those stale cupcakes with lard-based frosting, packaged the good-old-fashioned way: 6 to a clear plastic box, with yesterday’s expiration date stamped on the front.

  303. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#298): Even in its current crippled state (got writer’s block, Darby?) Get Fuzzy is supremely more enjoyable than the “try-too-hard” Frazz. Even Caulfield being black seems overthought and calculated. I taught 7th and 8th graders for many, many years and I can guarantee you that brat would have wound up hanging by his ankles outside one of my classroom windows. Alright, I was on the ground floor, but you get my drift.

    And the wealthy Frazz who chooses to work as a janitor and hang exclusively around kids would have been watched very, very carefully……

  304. Dartpaw86
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Family Guy did the “Exact same storyline” at one point.

  305. Mr Foofram
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#22):

    Legend has it that the earliest issues of the Yellow Jello Kid were published on a hectograph.

  306. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Garf: I have a confession to make: I chuckled unironically at today’s middle panel. (Okay, the last panel didn’t carry the joke out successfully, but still. . . .)

  307. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#295): It could have been worse. Ask their cousins, Trollope and Huckleberry.

  308. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#237): Arg. I ate two different potato salads. One was made by my wife so I think that was the safe one. I feel my appendix working as I write (yes, I still have it).

  309. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 7th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#66):

    MT Is there some kind of cartoonist guild requirement that legacy adventure/drama strips have to do a “incriminating photographs in camera” plot on a regular basis? Do the writers realize that if a person in 2012 takes a picture of your pot farm/poaching operation/wanted criminal faces that it will be uploaded, tagged, shared and turned into a meme in about five minutes? (Jewish poacher: Two Shofars- won’t carry carcass on Saturday). Next MT plot: “That kid tweeted our pictures! We have to take down the Internet!”

    Well, in the real world, that would make sense, but the Trailiverse seems to be set in the early 1950′s.

  310. Dartpaw86
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    You know, with Marvin. I personally think he should just scrap the whole baby stuff.
    I think a comic about Marvin’s adult life would be a lot more interesting and entertaining. He can have a wacky job, go on wacky dates, no diapers.

  311. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#237):

    Interesting theory about the function of the Appendix. I tried to research it, but without much luck. The medical dictionary I used referred me to some supplemental material in the back of the book that didn’t even mention appendixes at all, except in the title. Very misleading.

    I’d have tried online first, but a hardbound print copy of a condensed medical dictionary seemed a good place to start learning about vestigial items.

  312. Señor Tortilla
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#128): Oh right, that’s what she did for entertainment, with her husband. So what does she do now?

    Frazz: Didn’t Hudson’s disappear over 10 years ago?

  313. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#307): I hope Trollope wasn’t a girl’s name. That would just be cruel.

    // ‘Course, Harlotte is kind of catchy.
    // I think I may have mentioned, I have a dog named Wooster, and a fish named Jeeves.

  314. Greg K
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Do you think that soldier will call Wilbur the next day? I’m betting not – Wilbur gave it up so easily, the guy can’t respect him.

  315. sporknpork
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    That’s quite a sausage sandwich! Of course, I’m not referring to Funky Winkerbean but rather Mary Worth.

  316. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#302): I thought lard was preferred by the best cooks for baked goods and frosting? Have to check my Julia Child.

  317. Sgt. Stoned
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    MT: No doubt the poachers will find out where Rusty and Cherry live and plane-dive their cabin, trying to shoot them through the windows with a rifle. Hopefully, Rusty and Cherry will find a hibernating bear nearby to force a confession from the evildoers.

  318. Erich Clapton
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#301): He must have been trying to be nice. We always used “YGTBBM” to express our disbelief.

  319. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#316): Lard has other uses…

    To cause the face to appear in a mass of flame make use of the following: mix together thoroughly petroleum, lard, mutton tallow and quick lime. Distill this over a charcoal fire, and the liquid which results can be burned on the face without harm.
    ~Harry Houdini

  320. Baka Gaijin
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#319): Someone get this recipe to Miss Avis, STAT!

  321. Droopy Says
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#55): The dog in Creepy Les is wearing a vest that denotes he is a kind of psychological aid for Wally and his shell-shock; his presence keeps Wally from stressing out. The vest tells people that the dog has the same legal status as a seeing-eye dog and can enter places normally off-limits to dog. Of course in this strip the dog’s real purpose is to remind everyone that Wally has a problem and don’t you ever forget it, just because he can’t wear one sleeve rolled up with a humongous safety pin.

  322. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#292): Oh, so you’re the one who cursed me! Sending you the frogs by return mail.

    Marfield – I’m looking forward to Wednesday, where we find that the grandparents still haven’t died and that, in a twist worthy of Edgar Allen Poo, it has devolved upon Marvin to keep up with their Depends.

  323. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#301):
    @Erich Clapton (#318):

    On the acronym, I figured out what that probably means but in trying to figure out how it sounds (without saying a word) it would be just as quick and to the point to say the words.

    In general, what is the longest Acronym that doesn’t form a word (like U.N.C.L.E., C.H.A.O.S. And D.A.R.P.A.)??????

    Because that would just be awkward to say spontaneously, wouldn’t it?

    //*Oh, you acronyms! You claim to be making life simpler! Yet you never tell us YMMV.

    Why, I oughta KO you!
    Bah. Who am I tryin’ ta kid?
    I could never hate you, acronyms. You’re O.K. in my book.

  324. tallyHO
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#319):

    Isn’t Harry Houdini still dead?

    Lard didn’t have mercy on him, eh?

    //it always makes me chuckle to think of how he convinced his wife to hold seances upon his death. That’s wrong, I know. I shouldn’t laugh at it but it just seems so silly or like some sort of scam.

  325. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#316): Maybe I should have put “Crisco”? But I bet you know the kind of frosting I’m talking about; they use it all the time for cakes at military dinners. In fact, we used to call that “function cake.” It has that frosting that coats the inside of your mouth with an unappetizing layer of congealed fat while setting your teeth on edge with sweetness.

  326. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#323): Well, in my experience, they’d actually write it more than say it.

    But you remind of something my students don’t realize: Sometimes they want to call me “Professor W,” when “W” actually has one more syllable than my last name—doesn’t save them any time at all.

  327. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#301): Bronte is his daughter’s name. Would it surprise you to learn that he’s a librarian? (Wonderful family, by the way, great folks.)

  328. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#313): I hope “Bronte” was a girl’s name. Just so long as her last name wasn’t “Saurus”, of course. (That was kind of rough on her sister Thea, too.)

  329. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Okay, here’s a challenge for you all. I’m going to be teaching a class this fall, and I know that several of you have pointed out strips that raise (semi) interesting theological or religious questions. Point me to your favorites* and I’ll use the best in my class on “how to think theologically”!

    *B.C. panels will not be considered. Mark Trail neither.

  330. Shrug
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#300):

    I had the impression that cupcakes were trendy in the Twin Cities last year/early this year but that foodies are now looking for something else to replace the trenditude. But if I’m right that the trend for same has passed way out here in Gopherland, I assume it was over in Washington D.C. some time during the Carter administration.

  331. Mr. Manchineel
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    If ever I have a kid, s/he’s getting a unisex name — not sure exactly what that would be at the moment, but today’s various discussions have me leaning toward Crisco Frottage.

  332. CanuckDownSouth
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#329): do you mean individual strips? Calvin & Hobbes had some really good ones about free will, souls, etc, but darned if I can point out any links. I remember one where Calvin asks if Hobbes believes in the Devil – you know, powerful being, causes evil, and Hobbes says he’s not sure people need any help there.

    I recently archive-dove Sinfest and apart from gags based on mishmashing some version of Yahweh/Jesus, Buddha and a Yin-Yang dragon deity together in the same world, there are several good long arcs. Right now there’s still the question about whether “Lil’ Evil” will be good now that he’s lost his memory, and Fuschia the demon-girl had a *very* long character arc to leave the Devil.

  333. Mary Worthless
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Someone should have told Wilbur that “cruising” can be frot with danger.

    Frottage is brutal.

  334. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#330): Here’s the “problem” with the cupcake trend: Many of the cupcakes are good—really good. And so one can spend a few dollars and get a quite tasty little treat for oneself, and feel happy and pampered for a little while. (Okay, by “one,” I mean “me.”) And I don’t believe in putting concerns about trends—succumbing or resisting—above tastiness, happiness, and pampering!

    @Mr. Manchineel (#331): Or at least, that could be his or her porn name.

  335. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#329): Bucky and Satchel have had long discourses on religion etc in Get Fuzzy. Of course this was before The Blue Period we’re in now of endless stupid movie scripts.

  336. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Mary Worthless (#333): Are you saying that what Wilbur is doing is “fraughtage?”

  337. This Guy
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#327): Couldn’t they have gone with Anne, Charlotte, or Emily, according to their preference? Those are all nice names.

  338. demoncat
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    marvin marvin is shocked to find that due to the economy he is still with his parents who will now have two of him to deal with. mw. all that matters is dawn and i got off the boat now as wilbur slowly starts to have a heart attack while being lifted to safety.

  339. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    So this acronym walks into a bar, and the bartender says:

    1) WTF?
    b) You know this isn’t a LGBT bar right?
    iii) What is this, some KOJ?
    π) So, it has CTT?
    e) I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon…
    ∞) TGIF!

  340. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#332): Yes, I was thinking about individual strips, but thanks for the reminders about C&H and Sinfest. Perhaps I can pull a good one or two out of there.

    P.S.: I love the Fuschia storyline.

  341. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#329): I’ll jump right in with one of my favorites. It’s dark. Charlie Brown asks Linus why he’s carrying a candle. Linus says he’s heard that it’s better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness. Charlie Brown says that’s true, but notes that there will always be those who disagree with him.
    The last panel is Lucy, yelling “YOU STUPID DARKNESS!”

    Some more here.

  342. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

  343. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#337): Couldn’t they have gone with Anne, Charlotte, or Emily, according to their preference? Those are all nice names.

    How about all three? Lots of people have two middle names. It might be considered a little prententious, but if you’re already thinking about “Bronte”, obviously that consideration has little weight for you. It makes the literary reference the parents were dying to make, fairly cleverly, and the kid can pick and choose which to go by later in life, maybe even switch between them if the mood strikes.

    And, as you point out, those are ordinary, perfectly nice, albeit old-fashioned names which the child will never have to explain if she doesn’t want to bother with it.

    // I’ve never thought it was a good idea for parents to try to make a grand statement about their ideals or aspirations in a child’s name. If I were a big fan of military marching music, for instance, and I named my son, “John Philip Sousa Scudder”, I would have made a pretty big statement about me, but I don’t think I would have done the boy any favors.

    // I am not, as it happens, a parent, or a particularly big fan of marching music.

  344. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#343): Somebody in an apa I was in announced that she was going to name her new daughter Macrina, after a nun. I begged her to reconsider: giving a kid a ‘funny’ name is never a good idea, and look what happened to the last person who had the name. She turned into a nun!
    She didn’t listen, of course, and the kid’s probably a nun today. Maybe two nuns.

  345. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

  346. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#344): “Apa”? A play, right?

    I agree, definitely, about “funny” or punning names. You’ve probably heard about the family named Tree, who had a daughter named Christmas, and a son named Douglas Fir. And some others I can’t recall. Tough on the kids, and just in bad taste, IMO.

    One of my big peeves is giving children nicknames instead of the full version. If you want to call your son “Bobby”, fine, go ahead, but put “Robert” down on the birth certificate. It gives the boy more options. He may decide he hates “Bobby”. He can then go with Bob, Robby, Rob, Robin, Robert, Bert…

  347. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#181): I once had a colleague who, when asked about the word “amah” in class, made the mistake of googling “Asian wet nurse.”

    Yeah.

  348. Uncle Lumpy
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    “Micheal” is an increasingly popular name, and for the girls there’s always “Femalé” (accent on the second syllable).

  349. Liam
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    FC-Men come first and women come second.

    Marvin-And to add to your horror you’ve also been potty trained since you were three.

    MT-I don’t think that kid got my good side.

    RMMD-There is also needs of the sexual nature.

    A3G-The M & M Agency not to be confused with the S & M Agency.

    JP-It’s hard to attract customers when you drug the wine and then brutally torture and murder the customers. It’s hard to get any returning customers and it is a bad business plan.

  350. The Ridger
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#331): The problem with unisex names is that they turn into girls’ names pretty quickly. Even full-fledged boys’ names can’t take too many girls having them: despite Miss Michael Learned, that one’s still holding on, but Miss Florence Nightingale switched the sex of that one single-handedly; Evelyn, Hilary, and Robin are lost to boys in the US, despite Batman’s pal and Evelyn Waugh… So give a unisex name to a boy at his peril.

  351. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#346): In my public-school teaching days, I’d come across families like that—the family whose kids were all alcoholic beverages (Brandy, Sherry, Daiquiri) or fruit (Peaches, Berry).

    I have a fairly unusual name, which led to a few jokes in school (and some semi-off-color jokes from the 8th-grade boys in my classes if they learned my first name), but I’ve always liked my name, and at least my parents didn’t start with me and continue with some bizarre theme.

  352. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#346): apa = APA = Amateur Press Association

    A cousin of mine, surnamed Day, named his eldest daughter Holly. Ho ho! I used to say the other kids would be named Newyear’s, Haveanice, and Mydaddythinkshe’sfunnybutI’llkillhiminhissleepsome.

    @pastordan (#345): My pleasure! Peanuts is a gold mine, of course. Not sure what else I’d point to in the regular comic strips (which don’t include such dedicated novelties as Crumb’s “Genesis” and Gonick’s “Cartoon History of the Universe”). If I think of something, I’ll be sure and blurt it out.

  353. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#352): Thanks again. I know Frank and others have sometimes pointed things out to me in the past. So if you (or anyone) sees a good one, flag it for me. I’ll throw them all in a big hopper and pull them out as needed.

  354. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#346): I once had a colleague named “Penny Dollar.” But as she was the first to point out, she did it to herself, marrying a man with the last name “Dollar.”

  355. The Ridger
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#340): One of Sinfest’s best theological short arcs is the one in which the devil confronts the idea that God made him to be the way he is. It begins here Change

  356. The Ridger
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#352): My brother had a friend in high school named Harry Savage. His sister was Serena.

  357. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#329): Perhaps the prototypical Calvin & Hobbes theological rumination is Calvin’s version of the famous Serenity Prayer. BTW, Calvin was named in honor of theologian John Calvin, and Hobbes was named in honor of philosopher Thomas Hobbes. This aspect of their relationship is explored herein, from one viewpoint, and in numerous other places that proffer other interpretations of the two characters’ roles relative to each other in analyzing the big scheme of things. Google is your friend.

    Perhaps the successor (or at least certainly one of the successors) to C&H in the area of metaphysical discourse is another boy-and-his-animal strip, Cow and Boy. A typical example of this is the strip from July 19, 2011:

    Billy: “Life is random. No rhyme. No reason. Just random.”
    Billy: “Yet somehow we feel comforted assigning a reason when something randomly bad happens.”
    Billy: “But can’t the fact that something randomly good could happen next be comfort enough?”
    Cow: “Maybe it’s cuz, most often in life, nothing ever happens at all.”
    Billy: “There’s comfort in that, too.”

    You get the idea. And of course you could devote a year’s worth of sermons just to Pogo

  358. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    When I was in high school, I knew a girl named Lucy Smith. She dated a guy named Butch Goosey. I think you can see why they broke up.

  359. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#352): The “Peanuts” gold mine has, of course, already been mapped.

  360. Chaze
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#358): I also had a friend whose last name was Cuddy. We had fun naming his future offspring. My choice for a boy was Magilla.

  361. seismic-2
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    True story, honest: my Dad had three aunts named Flora, Dora, and Cora. I always wondered whether they stopped when their Mom told her husband, “No ‘Mora’!”

    Another true story: my Mom went to grade school with a girl named Violet Ray. The kids of course called her “Ultra”.

  362. pastordan
    August 7th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#355): Thanks! Good stuff from Ishida, as always.

  363. Peanut Gallery
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#283): As Emilio Estevez said in Repo Man, “I don’t know, I mean, that’s pretty severe.”

  364. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#359): This is why I’m fond of saying that the Devil can quote Peanuts for his own ends.

  365. Peanut Gallery
    August 7th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#54): Dippin’ Dots: The AMC Gremlin of frozen confections.

  366. FOOBed again
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    I went to high school with several kids from a family that named their kids with initials. The initials, if spoken quickly, sounded kind of like a name (example “KT”) so I’m assuming that was the idea. (I didn’t know any of them very well.)

  367. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    Where I grew up there was a family of goats. They named their kids, “Baa”, “Naa” and “Maa”. Oh yeah. There was Billy. And Hortense.

    //They were rich goats. They had a nanny.

  368. Peanut Gallery
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#334): I’ve had both good and bad results with both the overpriced trendy cupcakes and the reasonably priced normal cupcakes. But disappointment is more annoying when it’s overpriced. Homemade is the most reliable, of course.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#341): Lighting a candle and cursing the darkness aren’t mutually exclusive. “You stupid darkness!” is an excellent curse to shout while lighting a candle.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#351): I can see how being named “bourbon” would get you teased. ;-)

  369. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#341): That proves that Charles Schultz could do vaudeville-style humor about as well as anyone, when the mood struck him. On the second link I also loved the “strange thing about Charlie Brown” strip.

  370. Mysterion
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    You know the killers saw you…and you rush straight home? Goddammit, Rusty! Are you trying to get your family killed? When you’re being followed by killers, the safest, most sensible thing to do is wake a sleeping grizzly! It’s just common sense…

  371. Erich Clapton
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#323): Oh, but we did use the words. Sometimes quite loudly.

  372. MWDG
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: What happens next?

    •Wilbur and rescuer share a cigarette while listening to a Judy CD
    •Helicopter loses control and decapitates Wilbur
    •Next shot is of the blond little girl from the ship’s deck being torn apart by sharks and “assaulted” by a male dolphin
    •Terry Bryson jets to Italy to take Dawn on a cruise to the isle of Sappho
    •Shot of candid shot of Mary laughing with her “gal pals” at how Wilbur must have been such PU$$Y when the ship sank

  373. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @MWDG (#372):
    • Dawn realizes that life is brutal and that Dave used to rescue me like this.

  374. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#363): Hey, dude was warned.

    // We’ve secretly replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with Folgers Crystals. Let’s see if Yahweh can tell the difference!

  375. Señor Tortilla
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#312): I was fully aware of Hudson’s disappearance, but I had to confirm, and a few seconds back, Frazz did mention something about Traverse, so it must be in Michigan. While there is “anachronistic time warp” some cartoonists seem to be in: there was a comic strip not too long ago that depicted a 1960s college dorm, Pluggers seem to have 1970s discount stores, Family Circus goes to woefully dated malls, etc. etc., but there is also the distinct possibility that the author of Frazz puts the strip in alternate universe where Hudson’s is still around, which is totally understandable.

  376. Sequitur
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#374): And here’s the mug.

  377. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#369): When Schulz was on his game, he was deadly.

  378. Miss Othmar
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Fellow I went to school with had a last name of Hussey — swore that he’d name any daughters “Shameless” “Brazen” and “Wanton”.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#346): Another friend’s father was one of triplets. Their parents gave them family names — Thomas, Richardson and Harrison. And they *chose* to call themselves Tom, Dick and Harry….

  379. Josh
    August 7th, 2012 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to those of you who saw a garbled version of the post. I botched the image tag for the Mary Worth strip; some browsers (like Chrome, which I use) were still able to render it properly, which is why I didn’t notice it, but others apparenty weren’t. Fixed now I think.

    Josh

  380. tallyHO
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#323):
    I asked.
    In general, what is the longest Acronym that doesn’t form a word
    Wikipedia answered.
    [bold mine; gray wasn’t my choice though. oops]

    according to the 1965 edition of Acronyms, Initialisms and Abbreviations Dictionary, is ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC, a United States Navy term that stands for “Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command.” Another term <b?COMNAVSEACOMBATSYSENGSTA, which stands for "Commander, Naval Sea Systems Combat Engineering Station” is longer but the word “Combat” is not shortened.

    The world’s longest initialism, according to the Guinness Book of World Records is NIIOMTPLABOPARMBETZHELBETRABSBOMONIMONKONOTDTEKHSTROMONT (??????????????????????????????????????????????????????). The 56-letter initialism (54 in Cyrillic) is from the Concise Dictionary of Soviet Terminology and means “The laboratory for shuttering, reinforcement, concrete and ferroconcrete operations for composite-monolithic and monolithic constructions of the Department of the Technology of Building-assembly operations of the Scientific Research Institute of the Organization for building mechanization and technical aid of the Academy of Building and Architecture of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.”

  381. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#379): All I’m seeing now are those photos of you in the lampshade at the Christmas party.

  382. tallyHO
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Speaking of Mary Worth, would it not be a hilarious twist to this Summer storyline if Wilbur, Dawn and the Bob’s Wheee Twins were not being rescued and instead they were being kidnapped (or whatever they call it in Italy (absondoneato?))

    I know there is less than an hour to prove that to not be the case. I’ll wait as patiently as Clown-9 post-heist.

    Where, oh, where is my Spider-Man?

  383. seismic-2
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#378): I have always firmly believed that the only set of names that ought to be given to male triplets would be Hugh, Dwayne, and Louis, so that they could of course be called Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

  384. Anonymous
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#368): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#351): I can see how being named “bourbon” would get you teased. ;-)

    Some people really lose their head over that one.

  385. Anonymous
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: Don’t worry about paying up, Jameson. Everyone knows your word is worth its weight in gold.

    Cancerville:Will Buddy suffer a cruel death now? Or will Batiuk surprise us by having him find Kili the Death Kitty and attack him–no, my bad, it would be no surprise if one more FW character became unsympathetic.

    FC: “Daddy, can you blow up our air matress? Because Mr. Jones says you’re the biggest blowhard around!” There. Not funny, but funnier, and safe for the Legion Of Decent Blue-Haired Ladies.

    Mary Mirthless: The subject of today’s sermon is minced oaths, or “The danger of prayer: when good gods go bad.”

    Pluggers: Disgusting. Only Pluggers would combine wife-swapping with necrophilia, and in public to boot.

    Mock Trail: Oh, yes, Rusty, do show the game warden evidence that you’ve interfered with a criminal investigation, an action which will lead to the bad mens invading the LoFo ranch and taking everyone hostage. And, um, Cherry? It’s a good idea to hand Rusty his camera now, when he’s about to work with the horses, but be sure to retrieve your husband’s stolen camera lens first.

    Jugs Parker: Bea, it’s unendurably cruel of you to torment Sam and Avarice like this. They don’t know what’s happening, but the audience is in agony.

  386. Droopy Says
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    #384 and #385 were me. Who ate my cookies?

  387. Der Schnärkïnätör
    August 8th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#386):

    Mien Gott, vhat ist hoppingning to ihr cookies? Mien Gott in Himmel!

  388. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    August 8th, 2012 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    I can’t read through 387 replies to see if anyone has said this, but either that cruise ship is packing one hell of a size in naval artillery or that’s the funnel and it’s lying on its side. But if the ship’s lying on its side, then Wilbur, Dawn, and the guy whose nose Dawn broke with her elbow should have been hanging vertically off their pole instead of the least sexy group pole dance in history. OK, I’ve thought about this long enough. I have a capsized ship to blow up, so let me go find my plastic explosive.

  389. Dale
    August 8th, 2012 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Cherry seems rather calm, considering that Rusty could have been followed.
    It can’t be very far. Rusty made the round trip twice in one day.
    There is no reason to believe the poachers are on foot.

    Will Cherry actually call for help?
    Who will she call: local law enforcement types or Mark who is out of town?
    Mark will know what to do.

  390. JuneBizzle
    August 8th, 2012 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#298): ANYONE who named their child “Caulfield” deserves a kick in the ass every day for the rest of their lives. I’m surprised no one has spoofed this strip yet (that I know of, at least). By the way, has anybody ever seen a picture of Mallet? To borrow a quote from Elmore Leonard (a writer FAR more entertaining than either Socrates OR Salinger…or Bill Bryson…or Jef Mallet), there’s just something about his face that makes me want to slap the shit out of it.

  391. HAnzMFG
    August 8th, 2012 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    The heroic coast guard crewman hardly knows of what his service will bring to the world on this day. By saving Wilbur’s life, we no longer must live in fear of a world where Mary Worth inherits an advice column and runs a megalomaniacal empire of ruined lives through an omnipotent octopus of love life meddling.

  392. Droopy Says
    August 8th, 2012 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#389): It would make sense if Cherry called for help, so she won’t do it. And the local law enforcement people can’t gtake care of this themselves, because it would make them more useful than Mark Trail. What’s going to happen is that the LoFo ranch will be held hostage by the bad mens; Trail will arrive and shake hands with his old friend Gamewardenpetebaker; they will go to the ranch to question Rusty about the bad mens; Trail will get Andy to tackle the bad man with the rifle; pancakes, with coffee served in tea cups.

  393. This Guy
    August 8th, 2012 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#380): Of course, there’s always HELPINGCHILDRENTHROUGHRESEARCHANDDEVELOPMENT (Hey, Everyone, Let’s Pitch In ‘N’ Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then, Hateful, Rich, Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurl Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d’ouevre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod.)

  394. Liam
    August 8th, 2012 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-Considering that one of the “characters” is a chicken today’s comic could either be construed as cannibalism or a Plugger orgy in a diner.

  395. John C Fremont
    August 8th, 2012 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#393): Hmm. Sounds like mnemonics to me…

  396. Droopy Says
    August 8th, 2012 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#395): It does? Better be right or your great big venture goes west!

  397. Little Guy
    August 8th, 2012 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    ASM: Because the only people who would buy photos would be cranky newspaper editors…….

    Classic Peanuts: It’s just a jump to the left…..

    Curtis: At long last, Barry claims his first victim.

  398. Liam
    August 8th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    MT-Chip? Download? Computer? Oh you women and your crazy made up words.

  399. Currer Bell
    August 8th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    The one time I was in a helicopter, the wind quickly whipped my hair into an Albert Einsteinian fro. I’m both impressed and suspicious as to how Dawn is avoiding the same fate. I’m thinking she is actually an android. The moping on the couch was an experiment on young female emotions, and in typical android fashion she overdid it. The boat sank because her spare power pack interfered with the ship’s navigation system.

  400. UncleJeff
    August 8th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    I just have to say that “Signore Resculini” is the best CC name for a minor Mark Trail character since “Senora Momjeans”.

    I haven’t looked for MT yet, but I assume Resculini is getting hosed down by the decontamination unit after his wild swing with Wilbur.

  401. UncleJeff
    August 8th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Oops. That should be “Mary Worth” character. “Senora Momjeans”, of course, was in “Mark Trail.”
    Damn. It’s too early in the morning.

  402. seismic-2
    August 8th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @JuneBizzle (#390): Pastis spoofs “Frazz” from time to time on PBS in the form of bicyclist Jef, who is always admonishing Stephen for not sharing his obsession with physical fitness. And you can see a photo of him here.

  403. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 8th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Well, we’ve done all the chores that Josh asked us to do. Now let’s go to the next thread!

    If there’s nothing else, Josh, the ‘mudges and I will be going to the next thread now.

    Josh . . . . Josh? Josh!!

  404. kim
    August 8th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    look at that bastard’s smug expression in Funky Winkerbean. “Damn straight, you won’t be having a little bit of everything,” he thinks to himself. “I wish I could take one of those fun house mirrors on all of our dates; think of how much money I could save!”

  405. Chad Sexington
    August 8th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    The Italian special forces rescue guy or whatever he is, being harnessed pene a pene with Wilbur, is lurching backward with an appropriate look of revulsion on his face. Wilbur, for his part, is caught in a fit of bittersweet ecstasy, dimly aware of the fact that this is the closest he will get to affectionate physical contact from another human being for months or perhaps years to come.

  406. T Phord
    September 27th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#10): LOL Correct! Read Mark Trail 1940′s–Do they still have animal footprint identification (that “MARKed their TRAIL)?

  407. T Phord
    September 27th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#42): Mark Trail: LOL LOL http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_warden Here’s something to further blow your city mind… http://www.predatorpee.com/

  408. T Phord
    September 27th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#228): Mark Trail–Ah, now I understand! In the 1940s if some one said “Warden” we knew it was “(Game) Warden”. Our only brush with “(Prison) Warden” was the WANTED posters gracing the Post Office lobby. Obviously your Relative (aka The Wild Bunch) experience was not as innocent as mine! http://psdreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Create-a-Wild-Western-Wanted-Poster-in-Photoshop.jpg

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