The Comics Curmudgeon

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Nation of WHORES

Hey, everybody! I’m back from sunny Tucson (where I met up with Bob Weber, Jr. and a DELIGHTFUL group of readers — pics coming in a bit). I must give props to Uncle Lumpy for his fine filling in, and a huge thanks to everyone who gave money during the pledge drive — you’ll all be receiving individual thank-yous over the next day or two. After catching up on the most crucial storylines (Mary Worth flashback? OH MY GOD I THINK I JUST WET MYSELF) I confronted today’s comics and found nothing but sleaze and personal degradation.

For Better For Worse, 3/10/08

There’s an entire Women’s Studies thesis waiting to be written about the Foobs today. Elizabeth’s abject terror and panic that Anthony will think she’s a two-timing ne’er-do-well would be hilarious if it weren’t so pathetic and queasy-making. The fact that Anthony isn’t being a total douche for once (“Gosh, sorry you’re terrified about being caught alone with a man after sundown … I didn’t realize that this phone could call the 19th century”) just makes it ickier. Presumably Liz will agree to Anthony’s inevitable proposal to “make it up for him,” setting a firm foundation for a future life of quiet desperation and self-loathing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/08

Niki, of course, isn’t a literal whore; no, he’s an ethics whore! You have to admit that there’s something pretty skewed about the moral hoops the strip made him jump through to get his sweet payoff, which, if you haven’t been following, went something like this:

BANK ROBBER: Hey, kid, even though you’re cute and ludicrously clean-cut, I can tell you’re from the streets, like me. Here, take some stolen cash!
NIKI: No way, Mister! Rex Morgan is keeping me on the straight and narrow! [Surreptitiously takes cash anyway. Later...]
NIKI: Rex, I … took some of that stolen cash! I know it was wrong!
REX: It sure was, Niki! Lucky for us, we’re about the freeze to death and can burn it for heat!
SHERIFF: Son, you sure did a great thing by helping catch that bank robber! Here’s some reward money!
NIKI: Sorry, sheriff, I’m wracked with guilt over the stolen cash I stole and then burned! I can’t accept the reward!
ANONYMOUS DONOR: Son, you sure did a great thing by turning down that reward money! Here’s some reward money! Plus a college fund, which is more virtuous than cash, since you’ll just spend the cash on hoodies and hair care products!
NIKI: Wait, Rex, even though it was wrong for me to accept the reward money, is it right for me to accept this meta-reward money?
REX: Who the hell knows? I’ve been drunk for hours!

Panel from Mark Trail, 3/8/08

Yes, Cherry, we know how you like to keep Mark at home! And we’re sure he won’t be going anywhere for … you know, a while …

Mark Trail, 3/10/08

Ha ha, Cherry! Now that Mark has finished up his thrice-annual marital intimacy with you (on a rock, as is his wont), he’s going to head out to “present an award for the magazine,” if you know what I mean! No, wait, this is Mark Trail we’re talking about, I’m sure that just means he’s actually going to present an award for the magazine — presumably getting a plaque from a raven-haired, all-tan-clad outdoorsman is the equivalent to getting a Pulitzer in nature journalism. Anyway, Cherry, you look to be getting along fine with Andy in panel two; you don’t need Mark at all!

Marmaduke, 3/10/08

And speaking of getting along fine with our four-legged friends … wait, you know what? I don’t think I can handle this on my first day back. I think it might be the kind of thing you have to build up to.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 10, 2008 at 03:45 pm and is filed under For Better or for Worse, Mark Trail, Marmaduke, Rex Morgan, M.D..

108 responses to “Nation of WHORES”

4EvahFan
March 10th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

Welcome back Josh!

FOOB: Love the jammies Granthony!! Did you borrow them from Grandpa Chinnuts? They’ll look great on the wedding night along with Grandma’s molding wedding gown.

OBH: Did that sweet old Grandpa just say, “What in the world are you talking about woman?”?! Someone smack him! At least say, “Whachoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?!”
Patrick
March 10th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

There’s a great book called “Inventing the Victorians: What We Think We Know About Them and Why We’re Wrong by Matthew Sweet that does a good job of debunking 19th Century stereotypes. Goes back to original sources instead of relying on the spin of the Bloomsbury crowd et.al. So what I’m getting to is that Assthony is a prig to other Victorians as well as to us. Bad relationships and people manipulated into worse marriages is hardly a 19th Century monopoly.

It screams volumes about how the “relationship” between Assthony and Lizardbreath is built on nothing. A Victorian truly in love would have not doubted the honour of his beloved.

I don’t even know where to start with Rex Morgan!

Marmapuke has hit a new low with the randy dog ready for some hot canine on human sex! I shudder in horror.
Moon Mullins
March 10th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Welcome back!
Looking forward to the Tucson pix.
lizo
March 10th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

I think you mean “look to be getting along fine with Andy….” Ho-kay. Done nitpicking.

Is it just me, or does Lizardbreath look extra-dumpy in the last panel of today’s FOOB? She’s morphing into some ungodly chimera of Elly, Anthony, and Iris. Presumably Grandpa Chinnuts will be added to the mix next, and by the wedding all she’ll be able to do is stare blankly into space, mutter obscenities, and angst about her meaningless existence. I can see how that would turn Granthony on — saves him the trouble of chaining her in the basement, anyhow.

First?
Ranger
March 10th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Who else thinks that Mary Worth’s flashback will involve her on a playground wearing an ascot and meddling in a game of dodgeball? Then maybe she will get pegged in the head. That will help shape her future.
Zaq
March 10th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Welcome back, your Popeness!

With regards to Mary Worth, this is CLOSE to the Platonic Ideal of MW strips. It’s not there, but it’s close. We have:

Repetition of what we’ve been talking about for a week with absolutely nothing new added: Check.
Unsolicited platitudes: Check.
Confusing action so it looks like Mary’s actually talking to a throwaway: Check.
Ascots: Check.
Wacky facial expressions turning Mary’s face into the grim rictus of death: Check.
Detail lovingly focused on Toeby’s Toe: Half-check.
Grade-A Meddling: …no check.

Still, not bad.
True Fable
March 10th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

I’m going to guess that Tuesday’s FOOB will show Liz angsting a little more over “will he believe me or won’t he?”, followed by Wednesday’s More Angsting with a Sleepless Night. Who knows, maybe there’ll be one of those glassy-eyed “son in my eyes” look. (you’ll have to look it up, I ain’t gonna) Thursday will show PastyPants meeting her for some Cinnabuns and coffee and Liz is still angsting. Maybe even her saying something about how horrible she looks, and Angstony saying “You look beautiful to me” or equal amount of glurge. That will set the stage for Friday’s “Will you ~~be my prisoner~~ marry me?”

And this is not to say that hey, maybe Lynnie will pull her head out of her ass and have Liz turning him down. Yeah I know, that isn’t likely since Lynnie’s head is pretty well wedged in place, but you never know. Saturday might be a repeat since Liz is probably gobsmacked and Anthony might stammer and say he’s not worthy of her Golden Globes or something.

Then SUNDAY sunday sunday!… There will be the most Spectacular, Foobtacular, Big-Assed Romanticacular extravaganza in which she and PastyPantstony will show up at the Pattermanse at which the family will be inexplicably gathered together, so that the Happy Couple can announce their engagement while the Kool-Aid Nation goes wild!!
…or there will be a Sunday panel about cutesy kids and dogs doing the darndest things. Whatever.

I mean, why get mad at the guy who spilled the beans? We ALL KNOW it is going to happen, that there is Inevitability in the air. No fresh breath of new ideas is going to crank out of Lynn Johnston’s 1950’s mindset. It’s going to happen.

I think I will show up for the wedding in a tuxedo made entirely from old Jimmy Buffet shirts. Whaddaya think?

- TF
Lapsed Librarian
March 10th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

Mark’s going to present an award for the magazine? Enter Kelly Welly…
Harry Paratestes
March 10th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

I hope the vacation went well, Josh. Marmaduke greets you with open legs and veiled bestiality references.
Islamorada Girl
March 10th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

With his Everything- I -Touch- Becomes- Cold- Mashed- Potatoes magic, Pasthony, in his perma-press stripey p.j.’s, has all the smoldering hot sexual charisma of a Vermont Country Store Catalog model.
Zaq
March 10th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

Oh, and I apologize if this turns into a double post, but today’s strip just reinforces David Malki !’s theory that Marmaduke is basically the rape fantasy in canine form.

http://wondermark.com/tcsd/stripdoc_6.html

Interesting reading, though I’m sure most of us have already seen it.
Non-Shannon (of Jungle Patrol fame)
March 10th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

As Joe Mathlete would probably say, Marmaduke is too up front about his intentions to fuck his owner-lady.
Mars
March 10th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

Wow, I’m early to talkback for once. This is a good opportunity to bring up something I’ve never understood about FOOB fandom…..

I don’t know why everyone hates Anthony so much.

Seriously, what’d he ever do to you? The biggest complaint I heard was of his mustache, and now it’s gone, so now the biggest complaint is that he’s nothing but a repeat of Deanna, i.e. the old childhood companion destined to marry the Patterson.

How?

The last time we ever saw Deanna before she and Mike re-met as adults was WHEN MIKE WAS IN FREAKING KINDERGARTEN. She was barely in the strip at all until Mike was in college! I don’t think it really counts. Mike’s childhood crush was Martha, not Deanna. And I liked Martha a lot more than Deanna. I hate Deanna.

Everyone complains about Anthony’s mustache–please, it’s nothing compared to Deanna’s ultra-short, male hair. She has always looked completely gross. She’s going to turn into Jamie Lee Curtis when she gets older at this rate.

Liz and Ant’s relationship is NOT a repeat of a relationship begun with a few strips from 1981 and uncontinued until the dawn of the 21st century. That doesn’t make sense. Don’t hate Anthony, hate Deanna, please.
zenvelo
March 10th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

why is Garfield practicing fellatio today?
Gagott68
March 10th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

Speaking of a Nation of Whores, what’s the Governor of New York’s take on Marmaduke?
Dingo
March 10th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Asking the ‘mudgeons to not hate Anthony is like asking Lynn Johnston to forego a year of butter tarts for sex with Marmaduke.
Josh
March 10th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

#4 lizo — Fixed

#13 Mars — if you have a bit, the definitive essay on why so many people hate Anthony is Shaenon Garrity’s “Why I Hate Anthony”:

http://shaenon.livejournal.com/29475.html

Josh
DAS
March 10th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or does (1) today’s FOOB, with its anti-climactic non-resolution of Warren’s visit (what? we don’t get to see Blandthony burnishing his manly fists to defend Lizardbreath’s honor?), seem awfully Mary Worth like and (2) Blandthony seem awful smug in panel #4?

People said Warren is Mary Worth’s son? I’m voting for Blandthony to have that honor here.
Zaq
March 10th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

We hate Anthony because he’s the epitome of suburban failure; the stultifying, Marvin-style existence for those who do not wish it. Every impulse that Liz has ever had has been systematically squished and forgotten in favor of this, and Anthony is the essence of that. Also, he’s a creep who keeps his child in a cage in the basement, has never had an original impulse or thought in his life, emotionally cheated on his wife while they were married (yet this is, with true perverse Lynn-logic, presented as a merit)… other people can and will say this better than I have, but this should get you started.
jms
March 10th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Does Anthony sleep in a crib?
zenvelo
March 10th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Mars #13 – can’t we hate them both?

seriously, Anthony is such a wienie, he moped around like a stalker too cheap to spring for dial up internet access. And now he’ll be the “patient one” listening to Liz explain that she wasn’t getting some on the side, even though she really wanted one more helicopter ride on Warren’s joystick.
lizo
March 10th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

I do hate Deanna. Very much, actually. From her bowl haircut to her sensible shoes, I hate her. And I hate the impossibly stupid storyline by which she and Mike became the perfect f-ing couple in this stupid f-ing strip.

But I hate Anthony, too. Anthony is an asshole. From marrying another woman while still pining after Elizabeth, to the way in which he revealed that he still had feelings for Elizabeth (by asking her to “wait for me” immediately after a man attempted to rape her), he’s never done anything likeable. Moreover, Lynn is so damned determined that Lizardbreath will marry her high school sweetheart that she has turned every interesting/nice guy Liz ever knew into a no-holds-barred bastard. I liked Paul Wright. I liked Liz being independent and adventurous enough to go North and teach there and make a life sans Elly. But Lynn apparently doesn’t want to encourage such behavior in her own daughter, and thus she’s ruined a perfectly good storyline.

Anyway, that’s why I hate Anthony.
El Santo
March 10th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

So… the writer of Rex Morgan, MD, has been reading Charles Dickens’ “Great Expectations,” huh?
B
March 10th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Is Grandthony sitting in an adult-sized crib? I thought so.
Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
March 10th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

Mars, we do. Trust me, we do hate Deanna and her mushroom hair, her developmentally-challenged son and DSL-ed daughter. We hate her husband, his selfishness, his cluelessness, and his inability/unwillingness to parent (properly? No–AT ALL).

But we also hate Blandthony. Mostly because before Liz got with him, she was reasonably cool, had an exciting life, lived on her own, and wasn’t as desperate to “keep” him (okay, she was with Eric, but he was hot. And a cheater. And she was much younger). Also, he has a kid. He blames his wife for leaving when any woman would leave any man who did so much to him (surely you know by now, all the many many things he did, or should have done but didn’t, to Accent Marks). He’s ugly, boring, insecure, pitiful, whiny, and hides behind the “nice guy” facade. You know…the “nice guy” who bitches when you won’t go out with him because you’re dating an interesting guy. The “nice guy” who whines about not being able to get a date…the “nice guy” who assumes he MUST be nice simply because he’s ugly, boring, and socially awkward. Kind of like an angsty teen who cries “no one gets me,” but in reality, people get him but just have better things to do than to stroke his pathetic ego. Blandthony is the “nice guy” who gives actual nice guys a bad name.

I always had a problem with his freckles and glasses though, ’stache notwithstanding.
gh
March 10th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

#13 Mars –

Don’t hate Anthony, hate Deanna, please.

I like to think of this as a “big tent” site, where there’s room or vilification of all persuasions.
fishmorgjp
March 10th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

14 zenvelo: Why is Garfield practicing fellatio today? To get the taste of last night’s lasagna out of his mouth!
Ukulele Ike
March 10th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

El Santo @ #23: Nahhhhh….if He Who Writes Rex Morgan was ripping off Great Expectations, Lee the Bank Robber (taking the place of Abel Magwitch, escaped convict) would have been Niki/Pip’s benefactor.

If Dr. Rex cut the check, well, I think of him as being more comfortable in Miss Havisham’s clothing.
Gagott68
March 10th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Don’t hate Anthony, hate Deanna, please.

I think hating Deanna is overkill. Life already hates Deanna. She’s married to Michael and has two irredeemable brats/poop machines. That’s certainly punishment enough.
4EvahFan
March 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

20: jms & 24 B. — I thought the same thing about Granthony’s bed and had to look closely to see if a. it wasn’t a big crib or b. he’s sleeping in an open hallway (and the rods are a bannister. Then I realized it’s a headboard. Too bad, a. and b. along with his jammies would make for a slightly more interesting story. Esp. if there was a teddybear peeking out of the sheets.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Welcome back with alacrity, Josh.

And yeah, that Marmaduke is not something you take from a dead lift.
Matthew Rossi
March 10th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

Just curious… is there anything Anthony can or can’t do that won’t make him the target of scorn and hatred? If he was a dick about this, he’d get reviled. But he’s not… so he gets reviled?

The longer FBOFW goes on, the more I feel that Anthony needs to run the heck away from this psychotic family and their insane daughter. RUN, not walk.
Smokehouse
March 10th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

The staging in Mark Trail is a nightmare. Panel one, Andy is to her right, panel two, he’s on her left and the speech bubble, presumably from Mark who was also on her right, is coming from her left. Can Mark throw his voice? Or is the squirrel from the other excerpt informing her that Andy is actually the one to thank?
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 10th, 2008 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

#14

why is Garfield practicing fellatio today?

Presumably so he can get better at it.
Lunch Lady
March 10th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Maybe He Who Writes Rex Morgan is thinking of merging his Great Expectations idea with the FOOBS — Liz as Miss Havisham in her mouldy wedding dress, sans husband. It could work. (God, I would love that!)
rhymes with puck
March 10th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Yes, Niki, Mark is right, there is absolutely no way to return money to an anonymous donor. It’s not as if, in order to get the money, you have to sign the back of the check and deposit in the bank.

Get Fuzzy: Yeah, it rhymes with ‘Buck’ too…

Crankshaft: HA! Broken hips are funny!

BB: “a lover…”

FBOFW: Those pajamas will look great with their matching twin beds.

MT: In Mark’s absence, Andy will take Marmaduke’s lead and perform Mark’s marital duties for him.
michael farris
March 10th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

“I hope you belive me”

Crawl, worm!

Part of me is laughing, since nothing screams “I’m lying” louder than saying something like “I hope you believe me”.

Part of me is hoping that Anthony is just fucking with her, seeing how creepily bland and passive aggressive he has to be before she gets the hell out of Dodge.
Therese was a woman with intelligence and a strong sense of identity, it was almost too easy to get rid of her, but he’s met his match in Elisabeth. He’s beginning to realize for the first time that _he_ might have to flee _her_.
DAS
March 10th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

The longer FBOFW goes on, the more I feel that Anthony needs to run the heck away from this psychotic family and their insane daughter. RUN, not walk. – Matthew Rossi

The reason why we all hate Anthony is that he is such a Nice Guy(TM) that he would never RUN away from them — instead he clings to his role as “Knight in Shining Armor”.
StrangeRover
March 10th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft – The broken hip will get her into the hospital, where they can diagnose her with…. CANCER(bean).
gh
March 10th, 2008 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

I don’t normally re-post, but I just want everyone to know what a true gentleman Bob Weber Jr. is.

http://joshreads.com/?p=1474#comment-456595

Plus, I’m completely smug.
Kurdt
March 10th, 2008 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

I have a theory that every Marmaduke caption could be changed to “Marmaduke you are such a big dog!”

Unfortunately, doing that to this one just makes it that much more disturbing.
Chyron HR
March 10th, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

Popeye – F*** YEAH! This “Eighth Sea” storyline is going to be epically awesome! Imagine the Odyssey, Baron Munchausen, and the Arabian Nights, all wrapped up in a burrito of win featuring the unique rough-and-tumble humor of one of the most beloved comic-paper idols of the golden age!

He’ll have the Sea Hag, Brutus, and their crew of Goons up in his grill, not to mention: sirens; dinosaurs; demons (both diabolical and infernal); snake gods; werewolves and mummies; Slippermen; clockwork philosophers and steam-powered generals; jungle priestesses that would put Judge Parker to shame; the Golem of Prague; Atlantis; the Tower of Babel; the Illuminati; the order of the Hashashin; Prester John, Rasputin, the Wizard of Yendor, and mister Steve Howe on guitar; and, last but not least, an army of a million zombified Ratzis!

With every wonder that you could have dreamed or imagined arrayed against him, Popeye will have to trust in the gluttonous Wimpy, the impish Jeep, the last Thung, and a liberal dose of “skimpypathetic powders, arf-arf” to steer his way true!

…

Oh, wait, it’ll just be everyone telling shaggy dog stories about how nasty the Eighth Sea is until the author gets bored and starts a new plotline about Poopdeck Pappy’s medicare premiums.
lou
March 10th, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

Well, Matthew, if he had been wearing only pj bottoms instead of that geezer outfit primly buttoned at the neck, it would have been a start.

I think people hate Anthony in general, not his reaction in this particular cartoon. What I personally hate in this edition is Liz’s whiny attitude. What happened to the feisty college student who gave away her cheating boyfriend’s hockey gear? Or went to live in the remote North where she knew no one?

She’s been replaced with an insecure adolescent regressing rapidly to childhood, all in the service of getting her together with Anthony. And that’s why, no matter if Lynn finally injects him with an interesting personality (not likely), he will always be hated.
4EvahFan
March 10th, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

#32: Granthony would love nothing more than to BE a Patterson. If he could change his last name, he would. Compared to what he perceives to have been the hell he endured with Accent Marks, Patterville is Utopia. He would love the stagnant stability that family offers. If Lizard grows a spine and recovers her sense of adventure and leaves his ass (and her mother’s), he’d move right onto April. There’s no way he’s letting the Patterson aura, and their butter tarts, slip through his fingers again.
Dean Booth
March 10th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

MW: Here’s my guess about Mary’s past.

Welcome back, Josh.
yellojkt
March 10th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

If Mark is giving out awards on behalf of The Magazine, you can be assured that NOAA weather radios are involved. Same guarantee applies when Mark has sex.
Dean Booth
March 10th, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

#42: Have faith, Chyron HR. Popeye is gonna be awesome! I thought the Sea Hag disguising herself as Wimpy’s sister was comics gold. Really!
GotFuzzy
March 10th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

Maybe it would help to remember that we are not hating on Anthony, or Deanna, or Liz. It’s Lynn’s ham-fisted storytelling. She’s allowed to do whatever she wants with her characters, but we do not have to like it, and we are allowed to call her on her ridiculousness. It would just get so repetitive if the posts were nothing but “STB,” though, so it comes out as picking the FOOB that’s grating on you at that particular moment and letting fly.

And welcome back, Josh! Unca Lumpy took really good care of us, but we did miss you.
commodorejohn
March 10th, 2008 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

#32 Matthew Rossi – He could DIE. That would be a start.
Hasty Penguin
March 10th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

I’d probably have that look on my face if the word “Lynn” popped out of my crotch, too.
The Divine O’F
March 10th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

45 Dean Booth: BWAHAHAHA! I hope you’re right!
Baka Gaijin
March 10th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Lio: Please, PLEASE ride your tricycle past Charterstone!

Cow and Boy : Nominated for the “Best Use of Irony in a Humorous Comic Strip” award.

Doonesbury: Get schooled, Lynn Johnston. This what a plot twist looks like. You know, something happened that is unexpected and interesting.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
March 10th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

#228 Marthas (previous post): Thank you so much!
commodorejohn
March 10th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

#42 Chyron HR – Steve Howe? Throw in Jon Anderson and I am there, man.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
March 10th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

#32 Matthew – If Anthony was a jerk, I would like him more. If he showed flaws, I would like him more. If all the other characters in the strip stopping talking about him as if he was Jesus in the second coming I would like him more. If he told Liz that her dreams of teaching are important to him and that she should pursue them, even if they take her away from home and away from HIM I would like him more. If his face was slightly less oval shaped, I would like him more. There are a lot of things that could make Anthony look better in my eyes. Unfortunately, all of those things are completely against what Lynn wants for him, so we’ll never see them, and continue to hate him.
Shoshi
March 10th, 2008 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

13. Mars — A few days ago I came across this essay on “why” Anthony inspires hate that I think pretty much covers the bases:

http://shaenon.livejournal.com/29475.html

And follow-up:

It’s Not Just the Mustache
http://castironbalcony.media2.org/?p=375
Les
March 10th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Hahahahaha! Anthony has an “adult baby” fetish and sleeps in crib! Liz’s night of sin involved her changing his diapers! hahahahahahaha
Shoshi
March 10th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

13/56 — Oh, and this other follow-up, which is actually the one I came upon first:

http://fullmoon.typepad.com/chaos/2006/12/worship_her_for.html
Huntch
March 10th, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

If Anthony would Marmaduke Deanna, probably no one would probably hate anyone anymore
commodorejohn
March 10th, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

#57 Les – oh GOD, I hadn’t noticed that. I’d suspected Lynn of being into infantilism for some time (see Sunday’s strip, for example,) but that just pretty much proves it. But hey, when your mindset is based around puppeteering your fictionalized children into doing your will, it’s hardly surprising. Ooh babe, of course Momma’s gonna help build the Wall…
Lou Shumaker
March 10th, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

59: COTW!
Patrick
March 10th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Shaenon’s essay on why she hates Anthony really nails it. Well said!
temujin
March 10th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

Nation of whores?

We need someone to clean up. Now, which soon-to-be-unemployed public servant has an in-depth (heh) knowledge of the industry?
commodorejohn
March 10th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

#63 temujin – “Soon to be unemployed?” He’s been out of office for just over seven years now.
Mountain Mama
March 10th, 2008 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

Hello, Josh! Glad to “see” that you and Amber made it back safely.

Friday was great. I just wish I’d left work a LOT earlier than I did, but I think a very good time was had by all.

Mr. and Mrs. Bats :[ were as cool and funny as I remember and I really enjoyed seeing Ms Divine and Tribolite again. It was also very nice meeting Mr. Divine.

Let’s see, there was Wood and Mooncattie and Mr. Weber! In the flesh! I also talked to KT and another lady whose name I didn’t get.

I can’t wait to see the pictures, especially since I don’t think my pictures came out very well.

The Kon-Tiki was fun and they make a MEAN Mai Tai. I want to go back!

p.s. Mr. Weber signed my Cassandra shirt. He is teh cool.
Hank Kimble
March 10th, 2008 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Rex is just thinking, “Shut up, Niki! I’ve got to think of an excuse not to have sex with June.”
Buck Ripsnort
March 10th, 2008 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

Welcome back, Pope-ness!
I hate FOOB too, of course, but awkwardly, I actually like the current FW storyline. It reminds me of when I was a hormonal youth watching the high-school girls’ basketball. Or when I watch Facts of Life for two seasons, hoping for Jo and Blair to come to either a major catfight or a lesbian fling. Of course, this being The Funk, it’s probably just setting up Summer’s coming paraplegic/quadraplegic/cancer/ebola virus.
Perky Bird
March 10th, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Rex Morgan: Oh my God! The same sex-changing disease that is making Liz turn into Michael/Anthony and Michael turn into Liz has struck Rex’s world! Just look at how feminine lil’ Niki is turning in that last panel. (And I thought Rex was going to make a man out of him on that fishing trip!)

Mark Trail: Of course Mark and Cherry are going to have sex on that rock. Mark takes the phrase “getting your rocks off” literally.
WonderCat
March 10th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

This is kind of unrelated since Warren has already left… But I would think that this article excerpt is a major clue in his apparently random vilification:

Johnston, who was raised in North Vancouver, lives in Corbeil in northern Ontario, Canada. She moved there with her children and husband who became a flying dentist with his own plane.

A flying dentist??? What the hell is a flying dentist? I’m pretty sure Dr. Goldberg back home had a Volvo. In any event, I would say she blames her husband’s infidelities more on the pilot part than the dentist part. Maybe, deep down, this is all about her wishing that she had married an accountant instead…
commodorejohn
March 10th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

#68 Perky Bird – Yikes, he looks an awful lot like Faith. I’m going to try super-hard to not analyze this for meaning, because nothing good will come of it. I will say, however, that it’s probably not the Foobian sex-change virus, or Rex, Niki, Meth Momma, and Abbey the Wonderdog would all be slowly morphing into the exact same androgyne.
gnome de blog
March 10th, 2008 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

I don’t hate Anthony. I agree with everything Shaenon said, but I still can’t hate Anthony. He ain’t worth the trouble. Best I can work up to is mild irritation. He’s only a third-rate cardboard cutout.

What I hate is Lynn sending Liz Out There only to have her click the ruby slippers and wail “There’s No Place Like Home!” when things get a little tough.

What I hate is Warren the Helicopter Pilot – the personification of Out There – tossing away everything he cared about to throw himself pathetically at Elizabeth’s feet, as though Out There yearns for the polyester blandness of West Foobton.

If Lynn had wanted to tell a story instead of preach, Warren would display all the charm and mystery (and a Toronto-based helicopter gig) that prompted Liz to light out for the territory in the first place, giving her a painful choice instead of an obvious one.

Garrison Keillor once said that most people are comfortable in the middle, but they have to go out to the edge to discover where the middle is. Liz went to the edge, then went back not to the middle but to the other edge. That’s not growth, it’s stagnation.
kmo
March 10th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

#10: Islamorada Girl
I hate to say it, but the Vermont Country Store is branching out into “Intimate Solutions.”

I was quite horrified when I got my last catalog!

Will Blandthony be purchasing one of these after he purchases some PJs??
commodorejohn
March 10th, 2008 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

#69 WonderCat – Yeah, that’d be in line with her “all must stay within range of Goddess Elly’s puppet-master grasp” worldview. After all, you can’t dominate him into staying with you if he’s not around to be dominated. And man, the job title alone is enough to make “flying dentist” a worthy calling; the fact that Lynn Johnston stands against piloting is just icing on the cake.
Eridani
March 10th, 2008 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

Welcome back Josh. Thanks for the laughs.
Huntch
March 10th, 2008 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

FOOB Historical Revisionism is coming

http://www.editorandpublisher.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003699955
Shoshi
March 10th, 2008 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

75–Oh, heavenly days:

“Johnston might even make the younger Elly Patterson’s nose bigger. “Large ‘honkers’ are funny,” she laughed.”

Speechless.
Ichi
March 10th, 2008 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

Today’s Marmaduke inspired this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/15187477@N03/2325668748/
AhClem
March 10th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

#13 Mars –
“[Deanna's] going to turn into Jamie Lee Curtis when she gets older at this rate.”

For the life of me, I can’t figure out how this would be a negative, other than the fact she’s married to Saint Michael the WonderWriter.
Islamorada Girl
March 10th, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

#72 KMO—Well, the Vermont Country Store would probably be just the place Granthony would purchase his cock rings. (If you don’t know, ask Dingo; he’ll tell you what that is and how you use it.) I just got my new catalogue a couple of weeks ago and there were no “marital aids” in it. I feel slighted. On the other hand, Liz can purchase her honeymoon trousseau from their large selection of Lanz flannel nightgowns.

Speaking of Granthony, has anyone else noticed he doesn’t seem to have a family? Yeah, we hear about his mother babysitting the Spawn, but have we ever seen anyone even distantly related to him? Does he even have any friends? Or has he alienated everyone around him by his singleminded Liz stalking? More likely, he’s so dull, people run when they see him coming.
Jane Hyde
March 10th, 2008 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

Hey, Deanna’s okay! Comparing her to Jamie lee Cirtus is a compliment JLC is married to Christopher Guest (the last time I heard anything about them), and he’s super cool, and so’s she! (I came here to read about the divine Mary Worth, but hey, fair’s fair, and I had to stick up for Deanna and JLC.)
Rhekarid
March 10th, 2008 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

“Niki, of course, isn’t a literal whore”

You…you have seen his hair, right?
Starrynight
March 10th, 2008 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

FOOB- Blandthony and Liz look so much alike it’s getting kind of hard to tell them apart. If Liz would get rid of the damn bun or Blandthony would shave his head or something, it might help.

Their kids aren’t going to win any beauty contests, that’s for sure…
Claude
March 10th, 2008 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

Every time I look at that third panel of Mark Trail, I can’t help but think that Sherwin-Williams was here.
The Ghost of Jarrod
March 10th, 2008 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

Okay, I’ve read and reread Foob, and I’m unclear on something. Maybe you guys can help clear it up. When did Anthony start dating Michael? And when did Michael date Warren? This is all so confusing.
Brick Bradford
March 10th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

What did you bring us Josh? What did you bring us?

Actually, that one panel of the rageaholic squirrel from Mark Trail was all I needed to make my day.
Just classic.

And I think I know where Mike and Deanna’s old crib went–Anthony’s sleeping in it.
Brick Bradford
March 10th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

The lack of eyeballs on the guy in Dick Tracy is beginning to seriously creep me out.
faced
March 10th, 2008 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

Can someone fill me in on what happened in Brenda Starr yesterday? Talk about whores – on Saturday, Dorita is cooing to Josh about being a bad girl; on Monday she and Prisilla are standing in front of him with handcuffs and a whip. ComicsPage.com apparently found Sunday’s strip Too! Hot! For! The! Internet! and I can’t find it online.
Batman Beatles
March 10th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

FBoFW: Anthony’s grampa PJ’s match Liz’s Mom Jeans.
Peter Hillock
March 10th, 2008 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

83 MT: Reading the posts, I was amazed nobody had commented on the 3rd panel yet. No problem with the ham-handedly “arty” dappled shadows as such, but since there was no shadow drawn in the panels where they were sitting right under the tree, it looks like someone dumped a bucket of tar on Mark and Cherry just before #3. I think this is every bit as funny as a speech balloon emanating from an animal or someone’s crotch.
Edgy DC
March 10th, 2008 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

Anthony sleeps in a cage?

OK.
GROAN..
March 10th, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

FOOB: No, Liz. He doesn’t. No one else does, either. Is that shotgun looking any tastier? Please say YES!
Marmaduke: Other than noting the art is even more, well, “hurried”, I guess would be the word… what else is there to say?
Arglebargle
March 10th, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

Zits: OMG. Apparently it’s Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Week at Zits…or Scott & Borgman are trying to get men to stop liking them through aversion therapy. I’m not sure which. I have to go vomit now.
Mrs Buck Tuddrussell (Not Pirates!)
March 11th, 2008 at 12:07 am [Reply]

Sometimes I think we forget that we don’t hate Anthony – Anthony doesn’t exist. What we hate is Lynn Johnston’s inability to write a dignified storyline. We hate how she decided that the best time for Anthony to hit on Liz was immediately after Liz was almost raped, and how she changed the Liz character from a self-sufficient young lady to a simpering little girl prone to regression. Oh, and the retconning she’s doing to the strip for reasons that we can only guess at.

gnome de blog said it better already, so I’ll stop here, but yeah.
Donald The Anarchist
March 11th, 2008 at 1:26 am [Reply]

FOOB I think both all of us AND Blandthony may be misunderstanding what Liz said. I think when she said ‘us’ she meant her and ANTHONY. It was her attempt to slip in a quick breakup call, but Anthony obviously elected not to understand it that way, leading to Liz’s last panel frustration. You can call it wishful thinking on my part; all I know is the sun shines more brightly in MY world, and I’m in my happy place…
Master Mahan
March 11th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

It appears Michael’s marriage has gotten so constricting, he’s started dressing up in drag and phoning his sister’s boyfriend.
Master Mahan
March 11th, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

It appears Michael’s marriage has gotten so constricting, he’s started dressing up in drag and phoning his sister’s boyfriend. Either that, or the art is bad.
Master Mahan
March 11th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

Yeah, ignore post 95. Bad internet! Bad! >_>
Jack Hare
March 11th, 2008 at 3:56 am [Reply]

Wait…why is Cherry holding a little theatrical mask up to the dog’s head?
Disco Les
March 11th, 2008 at 5:48 am [Reply]

Howdy, gang! Long time lurker, etc. etc.

Anyway, here’s my 1.5 cents (inflation, don’tcha know).

FOOB: Ugh. I’m sure. Sure I’m going to be sick, that is.

FC: Yes Jeffy. You need a bigger toybox. One with a padlock that’s big enough to stuff you in.

JP: Boy, Boobs McMullethead sure is nosy, ain’t she? Ol’ Elvira shoulda slipped her some more of those “special” brownies!

MW: Okay. We get it. Mary’s gonna do a little flashback thingy. GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! Jeez.

Zits: Dear lord. I don’t know about the rest of you gals out there, but my chesticular region hurts just looking at today’s strip. Hasn’t she ever heard of a sports bra? Dang!
Brick Bradford
March 11th, 2008 at 7:32 am [Reply]

Had the “Warren Drops By” lame plot device ended like today’s (3-11) 9CL it wouldn’t have lived up FOOB considerable!
Alley (not Allie) Cat
March 11th, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

Zits: WTF. If this is a theme week, it’s going to be a very long, weird week.
Cafangdra
March 11th, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

I can only speak for myself but I don’t hate Anthony so much as what he represents: the end of adventure, the valorizin’ of safe blandness, etc.

The things I actually have against Anthony:

1. emotional infidelity to his wife, whom he clearly shouldn’t have married in the first place, and

2. crying to Liz about how he has no hooome right after she was sexually assaulted. I mean immediately after, the same day, the same hour. Creepy!
dale
March 11th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

True Fable
Wedding plan (at least the start thereof)

Several of your traveling companions are attired in those horrible bridesmaid’s dresses. This will distract the officiant and the best man (if one can be found).

You show up in clerical garb and conduct the ceremony.
marpkz
March 11th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

Why I hate Anthony. Wow, there could be a book written the size of War and Peace with each page by a different person.

Because Liz Johnson intended this from the beginning. Making her “the characters write themselves” line pure crap.

Because she claims to despise cheating (why she wrote out Ann and Steve as characters) and yet all of Anthony’s emotional cheating, including taking Liz to a New Year’s Eve party instead of his fiancee.

Because when you read complaints about her characters on her comments page you can see that she makes changes, i.e. Michael is a distant father (December complains) means Michael becomes a great father (February storylines). People hate Anthony’s mustache (last year complaints) means mustache was due to Ultimate Evil Therese.

Because in order to make Anthony even remotely tolerable to her readers LJ will change all the characters. Paul cheats, Warren is a roving eye whiner.

Because LJ is raming Anthony down our throats in every way possible.
mcmc
March 11th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

MT: Why does Mark have so much trouble with the definite article? Is it the case that in his universe there exists only one each of certain things that are plentiful in our world? Maybe he can present an award for The Magazine while smoking The Small Cigars.
Ami B
March 11th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

Shoshi @ 65 – there’s a link in the comments of the second entry you mentioned to an interview that’s actually pretty fascinating. Sure does give some context to why the hell she thinks anyone would go for Anthony, and where the hell she came up with the whole Anthony/Therese dynamic. Doesn’t make me like the current storyline any more, because ew, but it makes it more sad and less tear-your-hair-out infuriating.

http://cagle.msnbc.com/hogan/interviews/johnston/home.asp
The G Man
March 11th, 2008 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

#104 “…ramming Anthony down our throats in every way possible” is a vision in my mind that will take at least a bottle of Scotch to erase.
Lloyd S.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

I gotta say, Liz’s last line in this one left me with Jerome Kern’s “They Didn’t Believe Me” going through my head all day. It’s a beaut of a song, but still, having it triggered by FOOB is disconcerting at best…

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