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Young lust, thwarted

Funky Winkerbean, 4/26/07

I’m gonna speak up in sexually timid young Darrin’s defense here. Not all teenage boys want to go all the way with their sexy high school girlfriends … or, well, even if they want to, not all of them actually decide to do it. Sometimes they do talk about it endlessly in mysterious pitch-black voids while gently stroking said girlfriends’ hair. Someday they’ll be ready, if they aren’t traumatized somehow by the discovery of their birth parents first.

By the way, I think Darrin’s schnoz is getting bigger with each passing day. My wife suggests that his sexual frustration is leading to some kind of nose erection, but clearly that, while weird and bizarre, offers some outside possibility for fun, and thus it can’t happen in Funky Winkerbean. My diagnosis: nose cancer, duh.

Apartment 3-G, 4/26/07

Margo Magee: bad roommate, awful human being. And yet … and yet … I love her! Oh, God, why does it have to be this way?

Judge Parker, 4/26/07

And now, a little something for the ladies … and some of the fellas … and, well, anyone who enjoys seeing a pair of Parisian punks stripped down to their skivvies, tied up in a utility closet, and jabbering at each other in pidgin French, which I’m assuming is pretty much all of you.

My question for you all is: What do the comics have against that inoffensive creature, the male nipple? Punque Un et Punque Deux join Dagwood and Mark Trail in the Unsettlingly De-Nipped Hall of Fame:

Mark Trail, 4/26/07

Oh God, look at the body language: all the “bird strikes” this and “wildlife service” that and “visit some airports” what have you is clearly these two perverts’ idea of foreplay. About thirty to forty seconds of fully clothed, quasi-satisfying marital duties are about to happen on that rock.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/26/07

Oh, also: Hagar appears to have a crippling problem with alcohol abuse.

75 responses to “Young lust, thwarted”

  1. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Hey! I commented on all these comics two threads ago! I’m gonna have to get that blasted time machine fixed.

  2. Dingo
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Today, I commiserated with Hagar.

  3. Lynngineering
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: The theme’s all there: Young Lust – check. Thwarted – sure, this is FOOBland of course, and Michael’s dream on top of that. He has returned April, or she has wormed her way back into the court of King Michael again, to enliven his one-note fantasy against Liz. April, the terminator, less the drag-queen mode here, is brought in to continue the pushing of Liz’s face into her own dead-end, frustrated, Elly-morphing portrayal within the planned out world ahead. April has been getting off now for two days, making sure Liz is going to be hearing all about her going roadside, AT HOME, DURING BABYSITTING DUTIES, an illicit convergence that Michael is both fantasizing and paranoid about happening. Thus the confusion on the fourth panel – April’s dissatisfied she didn’t manage completely because of that damn old TIME factor that is all twisted anyway inside of Michael’s coma. She will soon deal with that…

  4. Moon Mullins
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    In the way Josh placed this thread’s comics, it looks like Margo is totally checking out those naked hoodlums (hoodla?).

  5. zqfmgb
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    the most telling part of Hagar is not that he lays himself under a barrel after a long day with great speed, but that said barrel is the most prominent feature of the living room. that’s a man dedicated to alchoholism.

  6. Angry Beaver
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I just realized the two cops at the end, the heavy white one was Norman Osborne (Green Goblin) and the one with olive skin and dark hair was ‘American Idol’ castoff: (spoke in a whisper) Sanjaya

  7. Poteet
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    I just have to say it again — Darrin’s nose really really really bothers me. And now that the Pope has informed me that it might be cancerous, it bothers me even more.

  8. Albtraum
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    talk about light in your loafers — that Cedric guy looks like he’s about to take flight.

    The girls are kind of hovering too, now that I look at them… maybe they’re actually Victorian artists come back from the grave to show these two Franglais-speaking churls a thing or two about manners. The Ghosts of Bastille Day Past.

  9. saint ruby
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Darrin’s nose is vaguely reminicent of Jughead.

  10. Weasel Boy
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    I mentioned this in the last post: Mark asks and answers his own question. Elrod has more fun with balloons than Phileas Fogg.

  11. Poteet
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    DT — I just looked back in the archives and remembered how it all began for me, when Queen of Diamonds was in full regalia, was shown in a (relatively) flattering waist-up-only pose, and was demented rather than evil. And now my last glimpse of her is two wicked greedy black legs disappearing down a smokestack to a horrid death. Obviously this would be a prudent time to quit reading this batshit-crazy strip. But I don’t think I can.

  12. Spanky The Dolphin
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    A few reflections on Thursday’s comics that I’ve been saving for this update:

    BC: I suppose that “hell in a handbasket” gag would make some sense if the award was actually a basket. Maybe think Hart’s estate has finished putting all the vacuum tubes in their new joke computer.

    Curtis: The only problem with Curtis’ dad’s anti-rap statement about music in the 70s and 80s being better is that hip hop and rap were ALREADY AROUND in the 1980s! Comic pops can’t play the “back in my day” card anymore because it WAS back in their day! Actually a little surprised it went by Josh’s radar.

    Dick Tracy: I can’t see Queenie’s demise by falling into the passing ship’s smokestack possible, unless she somehow was able to leap about fifty feet from the balcony. Then again she is wearing ninja garb…

    FOOB: I’ll only remark that I dislike how Lynn has decided to keep April in her “sweet sixteen” tart look. I was hoping it’d only be a one-day or temporary thing, but alas…

    Funky Cancerbean: More of an observation of previous installments, but concerning the fact of blonde girlfriend’s frequent bringing up of the subject of Darrin finding his birth parents when they’re making out or otherwise messing around? Either she’s stumbled upon the worst cock-block tactic ever, or the subject just turns her on.

    Pluggers: Cute pun, but only really makes genuine sense if Grandpa (I’m assuming) served in the Civil War since the age of sailing ended in the 1860s.

    TDIET: Man, I don’t even want to know what decade Scaduto is aiming for…

  13. Poteet
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    # 9 — Saint ruby, I see your point. But Jughead’s nose has never bothered me. It seems to fit his face, somehow. Whereas I keep wanting to give Darrin a nose job with the nearest sharp instrument.

  14. Albtraum
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Let me get the analogy in Funky Winkerbean straight. He’s saying

    Unsexiness : My opinion of your sexiness ::

    French fries’ ability to be helpful in lowering cholesterol : Research-based fact

    That’s some smooth pillow talk he’s got there. Apart from the fact that it’s so indirect it takes a flow chart to figure out what he means, I like the way it manages to work fraudulent medical research, obesity and heart disease into the act of telling someone she’s hot.

  15. Moon Mullins
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    4/27:

    MT: Diver Dan seems to have landed on his feet and now has a job working as a county commissioner planning a shady airport land deal (that will no doubt lead to buzzard-devouring jet engines!) Is it so difficult to draw a new character as just slightly different than the last villain? Fortunately, we already know the new guys are bad because both have facial hair.

    JP: Neddy had planned to give Cedric a hummer for rescuing them, but when she found out he was married, her moist anticipating lips quickly went cold, losing all their color.

  16. Josh
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    #12 Spanky-

    See this entry:

    http://joshreads.com/?p=946

    NOTHING GETS PAST ME,SON

    Josh

  17. Kronkina
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    What is it with the comics and lusty teenage girls? I speak of Funky and now, as unbelievable as it may seem, FOOB. While I grant that’s only two out of…oh, let’s say hundreds, I still bet that’s a higher percentage than actual teenage girls who really want to get it on. Especially teenage girls who really want to get it on and their boyfriend turns them down. Its not that I didn’t have sex when I was a teenager, but I don’t remember EVER having to beg for it.

    Wait – is that too much information?

  18. pervygirl
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Nice shibari there, Cedric.

  19. Kronkina
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Oh, yeah, and I agree with Poteet about that nose – ew! Good grief, I bet that thing’s bigger than his peenie.

  20. Trilobite
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    (Reposting from the previous entry, because this new one came along before I was done with it:)

    4/27:

    Mary Worth: Apparently Von is a chubby-jowled young lad wearing a short trenchcoat. After all the weeks of buildup, I was expecting him to have a flaming skull for a head and be dragging a half-dozen starving peasants behind him in chains. Seriously, screw you, Vera. I hope Mary ends up making you marry this shlub.

    Mark Trail: A land deal, being planned by suit-wearing white guys with facial hair? Sounds like it’s time to get mentally prepared for a month and a half of meandering, half-insane “plot” before the inevitable Right Hook of Justice is delivered. But at least that one guy has rockin’ sideburns, and the other guy looks kinda like Tony Stark, or maybe Gary Dent, or maybe that jerk director that Tommie in A3G is hung up on.

    A3G: Alan is apparently a clean-cut folk singer who just finished shooting a Christmas special with Pat Boone circa 1964. I like how he can’t easily remember LuAnn’s name: probably he’s still a little baked from the afterparty in Pat’s hotel suite.

    Spider-Man: Just in case you thought only criminals and journalists had lopsided, wrinkly faces…here are a couple of ugly cops for you to look at, too.

    Judge Parker: Usually Neddy comes off as utterly naive (believing a hooker’s sarcastic comment about being a PhD student, for example), but I guess she’s worldly enough to have assumed that Cedric was of the “golfing buddy” persuasion, judging from how surprised she is that he’s married. Hey, he can cook, and toss a Luger from one hand to another while threatening to shoot punks…he’s something of a catch!

    Gil Thorp: I have no joke here, I just like saying that I always heard the split-finger was hard on the arm, even if you had big hands. (But if the alternative is being forced to go to The Bucket…)

  21. Plasma
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    Ohhh!
    I was extremely confused at the seeming non sequitur between panels 1 and 2 of FW.
    I assumed they were still talking about looking up his birth parents.
    “You don’t want to look up your birth parents, therefore you don’t think I’m sexy!”
    But I just got it.

  22. Spanky The Dolphin
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    #16 Josh-

    That entry is what specifically what came to my mind when I came across the strip today. Saw it as further confirmation that the plan might be coming undone sooner than they expected.

  23. Proteus
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Begging for it was a way of life for me back then. Unfortunately I was as overly indirect and intellectual about begging as Darrin is about refusing, with the result that I got laid as often as him. That super lame last line sounds a lot like I did, which makes me feel pretty depressed. Which is what FW is all about, so all’s right with the world!

  24. Moon Mullins
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    4/26 Rose is Rose: Rose’s alter ego, the tattoo-thighed biker chick, seems to have forgotten to put on any panties today, revealing a voluminous black muff badly in need of a bikini wax. The bunnies are wise not to mess with that Jalapeno Patch.

  25. Spanky The Dolphin
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    #21 Plasma-

    From the direction the strip’s been going, she might as well have suggested it.

  26. Dingo
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    Cedric has a wife. I don’t know who saw that coming. Whadya bet she’s a doctoral candidate in sociology from Brooklyn walking the streets of Paris in a leopard-print bustier?

  27. Octal
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    I’m confused. Are they leaving the alley with the suited guy? I thought the punks were telling the suited guy to leave the women alone, and he pulled a gun on the guys.

  28. Octal
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    *after finding an archive and reading through*

    Wow, I guess that’s what I get for only reading the comic here! So, different suited guy.

  29. LariLee
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    A lot of guys don’t want to sleep with their hot girlfriends in high school. Later, these guys tend to date each other and finally be happy… unless they belong to a restrictive religion. Then they’ll marry their girlfriend, have kids, but get caught at a motel with some guy from the classified ads and lots of drugs.

  30. lesles
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    nipples – well, in those three examples, it’s pretty obvious. andy has gnawed mark’s off in frustration. the punks’ were gnawed off by cedric (or neddy) in frustration, and blondie keeps dagwood’s in a little locked box so he doesn’t hurt himself with them – he’s still trying to work out how he got two kids, you know.

    and anyway, if we start demanding realistic manly nipples, who knows where it could end? what would be next? bulgy crotches? breasts that look like they’re made out of organic matter and not engineered by nasa? real people in gil thorp? the end of civilisation? no, it’s just too risky, josh. too risky. leave well enough alone, i say.

  31. MsChicken
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    What? No mention of the TDIET (26/4) and Foob (22/4) connection. That shared humour is convincing me of what I’ve begun to suspect all along– that the Foobiverse, too, is lodged in some Eisenhower-era-mentality.Those references to ‘gig’ and ‘roadside’? Not Canada, but Lynn Johnston’s own ‘howzzats?’ and ‘urges’.

    I know a faithful reader blended the two a while back, so we’ve seen it coming. But perhaps now TDIET and FOOB are planning for a crash into that same world of frozen time and stale social commentary.

    Also: After reading 26/4 Apt 3G, I realised I loved Margo. I love her for doing all that my id desires and all that my superego thwarts. She’s a finger quoting, Tommie bashing, and probably embezzling marvel, since these balloon and streamer galas suggests some money is being pocketed somewhere.

  32. efab
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    fbofw: Liz is totally telling April to go all the way. What a ho!

  33. Mibbitmaker
    April 27th, 2007 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    4/27:

    FOOB: “…We didn’t have the time!” That’s right, April, keep your hypocrisy in the thought balloons (Curses upon you, Lynn!). Tsk, tsk…. and she was our voice in the strip, too. Shame.

    Lockhorns:
    Loretta: “Miracles happen? Yeah, hotshot, like it’s a miracle I don’t pistol-whip you!”
    Leroy: “Like you don’t have me ‘whipped already…!
    Loretta: “Okay, it’s go time, buddy-boy!…..”

    FW: Isn’t that awful close to the Beetle Bailey joke about Killer’s ladies’ man status a while back? Besides that, we can see where our future Al and Peggy Bundys are coming from.

    (DT)GT: Joe Rogan?? What does the guy from “NewsRadio” have to do with baseball? (As far as I’m concerned, his career stopped after NR!) And “forkball”… odd double-entendre punning going on, and not very subtle. Plus all the big hands talk. Oh, that lovable, inappropriate Clambake!

    BBailey: Missed opportunity here. Last panel should’ve read, “Looks like he’s already playing the ZZZZZZZZZ Games!”

    A3G: The parade of characters not quite saving LuAnn from a paint fume demise continues. The Saturday strip takes it even further:

    Bolle: “Say, shouldn’t we save LuAnn from her paint fume, ghost-hallucinating demise soon?
    (silent panel: artist and writer thinking)
    Shulock: “Nah!”

  34. The Eleusinian
    April 27th, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    Margo isn’t being horrible, here, she’s being pragmatic. We all know that Margo is a twisted vampire, requiring a constantly supply of human bone marrow in order to sustain her wretched, damned existence. Usually she has to tear her victims apart with her razor sharp claws. If Lu Ann (who is just full of delicious, succulent marrow juices) might just happen to drop dead, why save her and waste an easy meal?

  35. SixFootJen
    April 27th, 2007 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    Dingo, don’t you remember the smokin’-hot redhead in the car with the cigarette holder who was ogling Neddy and Abbey? It was back in February. http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070226&name=Judge_Parker

  36. Jym
    April 27th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    =v= Today’s TDIET = Sunday’s Foob. And to top it off, Curtis’ dad is ranting about that “rap” junk again.

    Of course, you’n’s have already mentioned this, but I got the lizzinks here for ya. And the 1980s was rap’s best decade.

  37. taylor
    April 27th, 2007 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    C’mon, now, lets not judge. Hagar’s a viking for crissakes. Compared to other vikings, he’s a teetotaling ninny. If I were viking, I would have way more than one barrel of hooch. Also I would drink at work. Raping and pillaging is no fun sober.

  38. Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!
    April 27th, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    #18 oooooo…pervygirl knows ‘shibari’…and kinbaku, I assume…

  39. Squawk
    April 27th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    FW: “Now why wouldn’t I think you’re sexy, when you look exactly like me but with long hair?”

  40. Bob The Boat Wrassler
    April 27th, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    pervygirl kicks ass. (literally?)

    Cancer Cancercancer: You know the reason he didn’t want to go all the way, right? I mean other than she’s his sister. It goes like this.

    1. Have sex. Condom breaks. (of course)
    2. He gives her HPV.
    3. She gets pregnant. And cervical Cancer.
    4. The baby is born a twisted inbred freak.
    5. With Cancer. And a Dale Jr. tattoo. And a mullet.
    He just didn’t want to bring another Nascar fan into the world.

  41. William
    April 27th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    In Judge Parker, those look like cutoffs the perp is wearing. Perhaps he’s a never-nude?

  42. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 27th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Hm, hadn’t really noticed the lack of nipple. They could be renegade androids excaped from Euro Disney.

  43. Chupper
    April 27th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Gather ’round, everyone, and witness the stunning breakthrough in Mark Trail. Out of four word balloons in this strip, all four point to the human characters speaking them!. Never before in annals of Trailianism have we seen such accuracy in word attribution. Notice especially panel 2, where clearly Jackelrod wanted to have the deer’s antlers asking the question, but instead the balloon pointer goes behind the antlers and all the way to Mark’s silhouette! Remember this day, and tell your children.

  44. Anson Pants
    April 27th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Margo didn’t try.

  45. BoomhowerSpeaks
    April 27th, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Welcome to the Funkyverse, where all the young woman are sex starved harlots and the french fries are cholestrol lowering shoestrings of medical miracle goodness….. oh by the way, you’ve got cancer.

  46. MsMolly
    April 27th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    So… those are high school students in Funky Winkerbean? If I’d had to guess I would have said that was a truck stop waitress who looks like 40 miles of bad road. We’ve now established that even if you don’t spend your time in the Funkyverse ravaged by some form of cancer, you’ll spend your teenage years looking like you’ve got a three pack a day habit and your customers call you hon.

  47. jm
    April 27th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Jess is just getting started with convincing Darrin that he wants to do things that he never gave much thought to until she told him that he wants to do them. Who is it that she will convince him that he wants to kill?

  48. Rose
    April 27th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Male nipples are a gross, icky, ungood abomination unto the Lord.

  49. William Sommerwerck
    April 27th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    “What do the comics have against that inoffensive creature, the male nipple?”

    My understanding is that nipples are supposed to be a tipoff that a male artist is gay. So hardly anyone draws them.

  50. SecretMargo
    April 27th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    49: So, ridiculously unmotivated plot convolutions that allow you to show well-muscled young men bound and stripped in loving detail = obviously straight artist

    Two tiny dots of ink at least hinting that the young in question aren’t covered in cellophane = gay gay gaaaay

    That makes the type of convoluted sense that I suspect it to be completely true. Straight people are so weird.

  51. Buzz Carter
    April 27th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    FW: Considering that Jess looks like she just woke up after two hours of fitful drunken unconsciousness which in turn followed several hours of doing shots at a wild party during which she probably threw up several times, it is no wonder that a boy would hesitate to jump her. Well, in FW it is. In a sitcom on TV, she would have remained sexy and desirable despite being falling down drunk, her makeup would be perfect, and they would have woken up together, become aware of the awkwardness of the situation and tried to devise a story to tell all their friends to avoid anyone ever having to find out they knocked boots, but in FW, no one ever has any fun, so Darrin obviously won’t be getting any tonight.

  52. ugarte
    April 27th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    FOOB: #33 – It isn’t hypocrisy for a teenager to both know that she wants to have sex (or, was at least willing) and to be distressed because that the guy she was going to give it up to is totally cool with making her look like a slut, whether or not she did. Of course, this knowledge is going to be Lynn’s vehicle for making her a sexless prude like her sister.

    3G: “Here I am at home without my keys. I am so tired that I can not call my roommate, who is upstairs and can let me in. I know the easy, low-energy way to handle this! I’ll wander the streets until daybreak.”

    On the other hand, it’s not like the ghost would let LuAnn stop painting to let Margo in, so the result would have been the same even if Margo had made the call.

  53. ugarte
    April 27th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    FW: No, Rod Stewart, I do not think you are sexy, I do not want your body, I will not let you know.

  54. queek
    April 27th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    24: Biker Rose is the only reason to read Rose is Rose, and since she’s seen so seldom, and my local dead-tree paper no longer carries the strip, its not worth reading online. That being said, thanks for the link, even if the “carpet matching the drapes” reference gives me the willies. (if you know what I mean.)

  55. Red Parrot
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Bird strikes are not just limited to Mark Trail. ‘Slow Wave’ is a comic that draws people’s dreams. Check out this dude’s dream:

    http://www.slowwave.com/index.php?date=07-04-14

  56. Potato
    April 27th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Art inspiring ghosts are one thing, but I refuse to believe anyone who has lived in New York for more than 10 minutes wouldn’t have anticipated that the door to an apartment building would be locked. Some things are too unbelievable even in fiction.

  57. whoamItoday?
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    #1# The Spectacular Spider-Brick says

    “Hey! I commented on all these comics two threads ago! I’m gonna have to get that blasted time machine fixed.”

    I’ve always had a problem with curmunions who introduce snark about comics published after the current blog. published the same day but ignored by josh is one thing, but moving the snark forward without waiting for josh always seemed to be a bit, well, inappropriate—except when he’s on vacation of course. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but it does take a bit of fun out of it to come across the snark before seeing the comic it references.

    Also: #52 ugarte says re: FOOB “It isn’t hypocrisy for a teenager to both know that she wants to have sex (or, was at least willing) and to be distressed because that the guy she was going to give it up to is totally cool with making her look like a slut, whether or not she did.”

    Yes, it is hypocritical and also, pretty much exactly how I remember teenage girlhood. ATTN teen guys: learning how to work with this is the secret to getting laid.

  58. brucker
    April 27th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Don’t forget the male character in “Love Is” for the nipple-impaired. I always find that one particularly disturbing because of the fact that both characters traipse around naked all the time, and yet only the woman has nipples, suggesting in an odd way that these two dots are her naked breasts. I squeamishly imagine the male LI character talking with his buddies in the locker room about the “nice set of dots” his wife/girlfriend has.

  59. Jejune
    April 27th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    I can’t wait for the next exciting Funky Winkerbean, wherein Darrin and Jess go to McDonald’s and stare at the supple, delicious, golden french fries, but don’t eat them. They could make a whole series of strips out of this idea. It almost works, but then you realize that even temptation is too cheery for FW, as it suggests even the possibility of desires fulfilled.

  60. Blondie
    April 27th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    So, er, what did Cedric do to those two French punks?

  61. Len
    April 27th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Rose says:

    Male nipples are a gross, icky, ungood abomination unto the Lord.

    Not mine, Rose! Not mine!

  62. Colorado
    April 27th, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Jess will end up ridin’ Darrin’s nose in FW…Isn’t that what teens are doin’ these days, the oral thang?? Nah…never gonna happen…He’s got the nose cancer

  63. Breakfast
    April 27th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker – Those thugs think [i]they’ve[/i[ had a bad day? I just found out that my bird, Phoebe, is a male, but you don’t hear me bragging.

    oops.

  64. Poteet
    April 27th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    # 57 — WhoamItoday, I would greatly appreciate an encyclical on that subject from our Pope, if he ever feels so inclined. I’ve been one of the guilty parties occasionally, but I’m always careful to put the date of the comic I’m snarking about at the top of the snark so it can be skipped by those who wish. Still, I’ve wondered if I was/am doing wrong, which is why I don’t do it much anymore.

  65. Other_Sally
    April 28th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    They could at least get the direction of the accent on “tres” right in JP!

  66. Jym
    April 28th, 2007 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    =v= Male nipples’ seeming uselessness are proof that we’re supposed to have sex for recreation, not only for procreation.

  67. Len
    April 28th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    #52 — LuAnn’s studio is NOT in the same building as the girls’ apartment! Nevertheless, it seems mega-strange that a locked apartment building doesn’t have a buzzer system… Stranger than Margot is HOLDING her cell phone, but decides not to call LuAnn.

    Margo is such a bitch. But we knew that!

  68. Jack Parsons
    April 28th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    The fusco brothers does some mild double entendres, but I wasn’t expecting this.

  69. Jack Parsons
    April 28th, 2007 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    Strangely, in today’s a3g, a new actor has appeared in the fourth panel. Like the 2 Dicks in Bewitched.

  70. Jackie from Michigan
    April 28th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Darrin look like a young Denis Leary?

  71. Raznor
    April 28th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    I like how the French punks have a vocabulary that rivals that of a guy who once took a year of French in college.

    “Ou est le biblioteque”
    “Shut up, I don’t know where the library is!!!!”

  72. King Folderol
    April 28th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    My theory is that Darin is turning into Popeye, which would explain his lack of interest in sex of any kind. Though, in Popeye’s case, Olive Oyl is not a sex object, though I think the steroids Popeye clearly takes are also an excuse.

    MT – This is as mundane as listening to Mark describe brushing his teeth or walking (well, Cherry, first my left leg will be extended, then I’ll plant my left foot…).

    Hagar – Well, I think Leroy Lockhorn should do this. At least he’d be oblivious to his depressing sham of a life.

  73. PInk Haired Girl
    April 29th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Now Hagar: Alcoholism is a very serious disease. You risk cirrhosis of the liver, brain damage, and even death.

    Intervention time!!!!!!!

  74. Wynne
    March 10th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    OhGodOhGodOhGod. Mark Trail is shirtless. And pantless too, from the looks of it. I think I’m scarred for life. Perhaps the only thing more scarring than that is the question of who is saying whatever is in that cut off speech balloon and what they’re wearing.

    Mark Trail, you have just destroyed a young girl’s innocence. And not in a good way, either.

  75. gnbman
    March 14th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @lesles (#30): I agree with every single thing you said.

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