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Jumbo-sized soda … NO good

Slylock Fox, 9/6/12

I’m always much more interested in the stories lurking in the Slylock Fox Six Differences games than I am in actually tracking down the six differences, and the story I want to hear is about the kid at lower left. Why is he so obviously sad? Is he the nervous one in his group of friends, anxious that their parents will find out they’ve snuck into a horror movie? Is he alone sensitive enough to see the true tragedy in the Frankenstein story — that the Monster needs love from the world but turns violent because it meets only fear and disgust? Does he already know that, thanks to his decision to buy an enormous drink, his need to urinate will become unbearable right around the time the movie reaches its climax?

Beetle Bailey, 9/6/12

Beetle Bailey is littered with characters that were added to “keep up with the times” in some long-ago decade, so it’s interesting to revisit them once in a while as a little time capsule of our nation’s past. I had always assumed that Rocky, who has a vague greaser vibe, was added in the ’50s because the kids loved James Dean and the rock and roll music. Today’s strip is a nice reminder that, while old-timey teens in leather jackets seem quaint today (who could be less threatening than Henry Winkler?), at the time mainstream American was completely terrified of their mostly imagined propensity for brutal violence. I’m pretty sure the nunchucks are a modern addition to Rocky’s arsenal, though.

Archie, 9/6/12

Oh, man, globalization, amiright everybody? This tale of American failure is made all the more pointed by the fact that Archie’s dad looks like a balder version of Thomas Dewey. “Look, you all voted for that bastard Truman, don’t blame me for this sorry state of affairs.”

Spider-Man, 9/6/12

“I mean, I already foiled one of his schemes — why won’t he just surrender now? Man, this job would be a lot easier if all my enemies were as lazy as I am.”

253 responses to “Jumbo-sized soda … NO good”

  1. Justin
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    So, we’re adding “green hula-hoops” to the ever-growing list of things that don’t trigger spider sense then?

  2. pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Dammit, Josh! I was going to say in response to Archie: “Global trade, amirite?” You and your quickness!

  3. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Archie-I was hoping the cd would be “Music to Conquer Poland”.

    MW-The meddling is strong within you young Weston. A powerful meddler you shall be.

  4. pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    As for the kid in Slylock Fox, perhaps his dad sent him an email about rodent urine in soda.

  5. Oregonian
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Rocky learned everything he needs to know from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

  6. nescio
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Shoe: “Thanks for warning us you’re a chronic masturbator, Mr. Fishhawk, we dressed appropriately.”

  7. Cloudbuster
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: It’s hard to imagine a more unappealing marriage proposal than Amos’s pleading, self-flagellating mewling the past two days.

    Pibgorn Commentary: Are you frickin’ kidding me?

    FW: “Some pedantic school marm from a bitter hollow” is both a pretty good phrase and something that no sullen teenage boy has said to his father, ever. At least he’s correctly identified the bitterness that suffuses all life in Westview.

    MW: For the first time ever, I’m feeling sorry for Dawn Weston.

    RMMD: If they’re just screwing with us and do not give us as many days of loving depictions of June in the bikini as they have of shameless teasing, I am going to be very upset!

  8. Mibbitmaker
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    SFx (meta): “Yeah, that’s pretty much the idea.” — Weber

    BBailey: “I coulda taken out bin-Laden”, Rocky thought as he lay on his bunk. “To the tune of ‘Rumble’ by Link Wray!”

    Archie: Mr. Andrews looks embarrassed here, mainly because his son Archie is a protectionist.

    S-M: Spidey’s thought balloon is actually aimed at Stan Lee (or whoever writes this furshlugginer strip), seeing that the web-shooter is as tired of the blatant Joker rip-off as the rest of us.

  9. nescio
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    SlylockFox: It’s obvious why the kid is sad. There’s no ice for his soda because an idiot mouse put salt in the ice machines.

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “When my webbing melts, Babar, you’ll be as good as new. Well, still mistreated and abused by the circus, but the webbing will be gone.” I hope this elephant has a long memory…

  11. Flonatin of Bologna
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    B.C.: You won’t be smiling when the bedbugs get you, John.

    DTM: OH MY GOD HE ATE HIS BROTHER.

    H&J: Never, ever tell us any of your other pets’ names, Jamaal.

  12. Illustrator Steve
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MT – It’s sad, but that SHEEP KILLER is correct. We’ve known for years now that Rusty isn’t going anywhere!

  13. Mibbitmaker
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe (#2): Your username should probably now read, “pastordan, quicker than mibbitmaker”.

  14. Hamlet
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Hey Josh, Grandpa Bucket is looking for you in today’s strip.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    New PCK is now up!

    This one made Surrrelia’s day….

  16. Dennis Jimenez
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    SFx – So, which one is PeeWee Herman???

    BB – Saw 9 – A Very Swampy Saw….

    Archie – I’m digging that Creators.com cut Archie from the last panel, but left his WTF drip eminations….

    S-M – You think it’s over when the webbing melts, but Stampy never forgets….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  17. wossname
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Curtis – I wonder how Billingsley is going to handle this, considering this is a strip where nothing ever changes — but you can’t put a tooth back in once it’s knocked out. Will he break revolutionary new dramatic ground and give us a gap-toothed Curtis from now on? Or are we heading into a hilarious arc about expensive dental implants? Or will he fall back on the old “it was all a dream” copout?

    Luann – Brad, it’s not that guys don’t know anything – it’s that you don’t know anything.

    Slylock – 6 differences – In panel 2, Foreground Kid has vomited into his drink cup.

  18. Feral Canadian
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Based on the dilated pupils, I think that kid is just sad because there were only 3 hits of Ecstasy to go around before the movie, and he drew the short straw

    MW: Dawn needs to go to the hospital because her hand is stuck to her face…

  19. pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    And the rest of them:

    Apt. 3-G: “You can call me Ari, but I’ll call you ‘Douchebag.’ Got it?” Meanwhile, Evan is in the other room, polishing his Desert Eagle .50. The world owes him, and he knows it.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Of course the people in the nosebleed seats are spellbound with rapture at this turn of events? Isn’t everyone spellbound with rapture at the storylines in this strip? Oh, excuse me. This example of sequential art.

    Dick Tracy: You can tell he’s one evil dude because he eats seaweed.

    Judge Parker: How many times do you get to use a line like “The skunk was a ploy to get us out of here!”? Me, three times just last week.

    Luann is a fine example of how far the comix have fallen since the golden age. Could there be anything more boring than two characters sitting in a car talking to one another? Oh, right. Spider-Man.

    Mark Trail: Kid, I can’t let you go. You know where I live now. Next thing I know, you’ll be finding out me phone number, my email address, and the last four digits of my Sosh. Do I look like the kind of poacher who falls for Nigerian prince scams? DO I?

    Mary Worth: Dawn looks so…flattered to be considered for candy striping, the lowest form of volunteering there is. Maybe she’s confused by the one “p” or something.

    Nancy: That bear’s sadness is overwhelming. Oh, he thinks wistfully, to have been born when this strip was funny, not nostalgic…

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Dawn, don’t forget: if you volunteer at the hospital, your life will have meaning. If by “meaning,” you mean “Listening in to Rex and June have the worst sexy-time conversation since Peter and Mary Jane decided to take on that asshole clown.”

  20. pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#13): What can I say? We have to get up at 6:00 now to get the boy to school.

  21. Schroduck
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    The only reason I can think of for why Archie’s dad had the wonderfully generic sounding “Treasury of American Music” shipped over from Germany, rather than buying it from Time Life or the checkouts of some dingy budget supermarket, is that he really just wants all David Hasselhoff’s hits in one convenient package.

  22. RavenHawk
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#9): Nice one.

  23. McManx
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Curtis — Awww. Here’s the set-up for Curtis getting his first grill.

    Henry — In a pantomime strip, one has to fill in his own dialog: Darn, no fish…Sorry Mom, no supper… Oops, froggy!… No worries, will taste like chicken.

    M Worth — Poor Dawn. Jilted; subjected to vacation with dopey father; shipwrecked and almost killed. Now she’s slipped into the Meddling Zone. Life is brutal.

    Spiderman — Babar and Babbling.

  24. Mary Worthless
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    One has to wonder what Mary’s busy schedule looks like:

    5:00 Get up
    5:10 go to the loo
    5:15 shower
    5:30 eat a sensible breakfast
    5:35 stick beige casserole into oven
    5:35 take out casserole and put in fridge for later
    5:45 meddle
    5:50 compose platitudes
    6:00 call Dr. Jeff to firm up plans
    6:05-11am. alternate meddling with platitudes du jour
    11:05-11:30 drive to hospital
    11:35-11:45 volunteer
    11:45-12 walk to diner for lunch
    12-1 fundamentally change life of waitress/stop kidnapping
    1-4 alternate platitudes and meddling du jour
    4-5 dust crystal swans
    5-6 POOL PARTY!
    6-7 dash off a Dear Wendy column
    7-8 dinner at the Bum Boat
    9 sail on Dr. Jeff’s boat
    10 last minute meddles and platitudes
    10-10:01 ride on Dr. Jeff’s dinghy
    10:02 fall asleep with visions of grandeur and meaningfulness dancing I dreams

    What a busy, busy day our Mary has.

  25. S.Stout
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: Evans just posted another blog about he’s working on a play, and doesn’t give two shits about his comic. So if you’re wondering why it keeps getting exponentially worse, there’s your answer.

    BB: Considering Rocky can float weapons above his head using only the power of his mind…yes, I think he doesn’t need to bother with combat training.

  26. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @S.Stout (#25):

    If Evans can’t be bothered to work on the comic, I think that an excellent alternative would be crowd-sourcing.

    “If you would like to see Toni punch Brad in the face, Press 1 now”
    “If you would like to see a garbage truck collide head-on with the car Brad is driving, Press 2 now”
    “If you want Toni to initiate road head with Brad, then see Brad collide with a garbage truck, Press 3 now”

  27. Hibbleton
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    BB: Rocky got out of duty by giving Sarge all the porn from his triple-X box. For Beetle, combat training’s going to be especially brutal.

  28. bad wolf
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure the nunchucks are a modern addition to Rocky’s arsenal, though.

    Modern? I’m pretty sure nunchucks were popular in the late ’70s-early ’80s, when i was a young ‘un. But was Rocky really a ’50s greaseball or a then-retro ’70s faux-’50s greaseball?

  29. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Curtis-That’s nothing. You should see the guy who just got impaled by Curtis’ skateboard.

  30. Little Blue Bicycle
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    BB: “Private Rocky — Camp Swampy’s long-haired, disgruntled social dissident; a former biker gang member and rebel-without-a-clue, introduced 1958.” Who knew?

  31. Marc
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    So today The Buffalo News ran a whole bunch of strips from last month. Apparently to whoever puts together the comics section can’t tell the difference between August 6th and September 6th. So I was treated to a rehashing of Dagwood getting his computer fixed so he could watch women’s volleyball at work, PTSD Wally packing his dog and girlfriend into the car to go to the fair, andSally Forth’s mother arriving early for the wedding among other things.

  32. seismic-2
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ari is using this luncheon invitation to land a new patient for his psychiatry practice. After all, he figures that anyone who employs Margo as his publicist must have major emotional issues, right? “Publicize me, oh please publicize me, Mistress Margo! [whimpers]“

  33. TheDiva
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Archie: Ha-ha, isolationist humor!

    SFx: In both panels, the boy is clearly upset because his ten-dollar soda has somehow been rendered unenjoyable. The subtle difference between the expressions, however, changes the “why” of it all: the boy on the left is unhappy because the cup is leaking and will soon dribble his drink onto the already-sticky floor, while the boy on the right has just realized the machine ran out of syrup just as his order was being filled, leaving him with a 64-ounce cup of unpalatable soda water.

    SM: Hula hoops joins “bricks,” “tripping,” and “kick me sign” on the list of ridiculous everyday things that have brought Spider-Man down.

  34. OMEGA SUPREME
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Man, nothing says “funny” like a Thomas Dewey joke. Unless it’s an Alf Landon joke. How about Alf Landon – he’s the only guy to lose a race to a cripple! Get it? Cripple!

  35. bunivasal
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Rocky learned how to be an efficient, military-grade combat specialist from the streets. Just look at all the paintings of weapons we’d never actually let him keep over his bunk!

  36. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#32):

    “Publicize me, oh please publicize me, Mistress Margo! [whimpers]“

    Sounds as if she is perfectly suited to be a publicist for Amos from 9CL.

  37. tb4000
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Only in this strip could they drag out for a full week a June in bikini plot line and actually not have it be done in an ironic manner. I won’t front, I am waiting along with everyone else to see the payoff, but that’s beside the point.

  38. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    AndyYeah, Andy, you forgot one word.
    “Flo, get me a fucking beer.” [*]

    Slylock – Hey, Slylock! Enough with the political fearmongering! I expect that kind of stuff from Broom-Hilda!

  39. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#34):

    Even funnier, there is still comedy gold to be mined from William Jennings Bryan’s three losing presidential campaigns.

  40. word-doctor
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Curtis: I can’t define Barry’s mien. Is it bafflement that Curtis crashed into a garbage can when such objects no longer exist in the hood? Or is it abject horror that he may have ripped his sweater, in an era when objects no longer exist in the hood?

  41. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Archie – Andrews! You’re supposed to emphasize AMERICAN lots more! And Archie!! You’re supposed to flip over backwards with a little briffit at your feet! Now get back in there and try again. Don’t worry about the LP. We’ll airbrush in a cassette or CD or whatever people are listening to now.

    SnuffyJughaid’s ready for his after-school job in the suburbs, standing stock still in some middle-class lawn, holding a lantern. [*]

  42. Hibbleton
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: “You know, I hear Hollywood types use a lot of prescription drugs. I’m a doctor. I can write prescriptions. You don’t happen to have recurring back pain, do you Greg?”

  43. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Bizarro – Jerry Beck once sent popsicle sticks with Disney’s autograph on them around as proof that the rumor was true.

    Blondie – Dagwood can take some comfort in the fact that Dithers chose to put Dagwood’s head up the chicken’s ass, instead of obeying his first impulse.

  44. Austria
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh gosh, it’s like Calvin in teenage form. I’m starting to like this kid.

    H&L: Slowly but surely, Ditto is becoming aware of the confines on his life. But it’s only after the guys roll up on their bikes and invite him to go riding, only after Ditto is forced to respond “Sorry, guys, my mom doesn’t want me to ride a bike,” that the story really starts.

  45. Sean
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Don’t forget the clown shoe he tripped over(and sprained his ankle) that started the whole “This elephant is slowly lumbering towards me” story line

    @Justin (#1):

  46. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    9 – Apparently, Amos wants to spend the rest of his life between Edda’s legs, and we’re right there with him. In real time.

    Curtis – What! Him worry?

    Gil – Doyle Dane is waiting to meet somebody named Bernbach so he can go into advertising.

  47. Dennis Jimenez
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#39): I will not be crucified on a cross of gold, for your silly snarks! WJ Bryan

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Henry can’t convince his mom that his fishing was spoiled by somebody constantly singing The Michigan Rag.

    love is… …what makes the flowers grow. If you know what I mean.

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y279): When I had a half-hour drive to work, I used to vary the route and explore a little. On a country road in Connecticut, I started seeing plywood sheets next to mailboxes, and then various constructions around the boxes, and suddenly I realized they were guarding against ‘mailbox baseball.’ What a world.
    On the way to my sister’s place in the foothills near Fort Collins, there’s a driveway of some people whose box was hit over and over by cars, and they weren’t allowed to set it on an unyielding post in concrete, so they put it on a giant swing arm and encased it in a plastic milk crate. Ingenious.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#39): You shall not crucify mudgekind on a cross of comedy gold! [*]

  50. TheDiva
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    9CL: What, you mean the audience hasn’t grabbed their coats and headed for the exit yet?

    A3G: ….It’s up to Margo whether or not he calls him Ari? What?

    C’shaft: Ha-ha, what a delightful destructive sociopath!

    FW: Did someone tell Batiuk that a guy named Brooke was muscling in on his aggravating self-righteous douchebag territory, so he’s fighting fire with fire?

    Lio: This “amazing adventures in reading” story would be a lot better if it ditched the “librarians are elderly bun-and-glasses-wearing killjoys who will bring down the wrath of God if you so much as drop a pin in their vicinity” stereotype.

    Luann: Hey, what’s more annoying than one irritating couple’s contrived relationship drama? Watching another irritating couple discuss the first irritating couple’s contrived relationship drama!

    MT: “Um, yessir, I did witness your illegal activities and take pictures of them! But you’ve got my camera now, so…no hard feelings, right?”

    MW: “Oh Mary, I’m so flattered that you think humble, little ol’ me could follow in your meddling footsteps!”

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “My genius surprises even me! Clearly I am a conduit for inspiration beyond mortal ken!”

  51. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Bigporn: Brooke never wastes good plasma. iykwim, aittyd.

    Frazz: ” the living dead don’t do word problems.”

    AD: /facepalm.

    Lio: *applaz*

    PBS: “at least I’ve got chicken”

    SBp: better “tech gag” concept than AD, at least.

    Bizarro: ewwwwww.

    MG&G: it just keeps getting worse. I didn’t think that was possible.

  52. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .online compensated dating. yes, we GET IT already.

  53. Doctor Handsome
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    How perfectly straight and still, and for how long, did Spider-Man have to stand there for Clown-9 to score six direct hits with this ring-toss gambit? I’d be impressed by that level of accuracy if he was aiming for a houseplant, much less a “superhero.” At this point, we really have to acknowledge that Clown-9 deserves to win.

  54. Cooler King
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    BB: Nunchucks… and a giant box of adult movies and toys, apparently.

  55. Marc
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    9CL- The acoustics in there really aren’t what they should be. The nosebleed dwellers aren’t yelling “speak up”, they’re yelling “shut up”. I’ll tell ya, they can’t get no respect up there. Amos is up there trying to declare his love and we don’t want him to end up like Darth Vader. Yeah, like Darth Vader, lost his true and only love and stayed single the rest of his life. Not for lack of effort though; turns out he was just looking for love in Alderaan places. Week. Waitress. Veal.

    A3G- “Yes strange man in Margo’s office that I just met and automatically assumed was her boyfriend, you must join us for lunch.”

    Mark Trail- Apparently the phrase “deny, deny, deny” means absolutely nothing to Rusty.

    Mary Worth- By volunteer at the hospital, Mary means Dawn will be a test subject for experimental medical research.

    Luann- Now would be a good time for the car to explode.

    Funky- Cory didn’t go looking to enlist, he was recruited in order to help the Army find a way to harness the perpetual misery and cancer of Westview, and turn it into a chemical weapon.

    Curtis- Has anyone really ever gotten a tooth knocked out and not noticed?

  56. Feral Canadian
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#55): plenty of anti depressants to solve that brutal life of hers!

  57. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#50): This “amazing adventures in reading” story would be a lot better if it ditched the “librarians are elderly bun-and-glasses-wearing killjoys who will bring down the wrath of God if you so much as drop a pin in their vicinity” stereotype.

    Hear, hear!

    @Marc (#55): Has anyone really ever gotten a tooth knocked out and not noticed?

    I’ve had part of one come away in some food and didn’t know it until I tried to bite it.

  58. Lowell
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE: What I like most is Archie’s surprise water splashing in from off-panel. What could be more artistically economical than getting a good close up of one character while capturing the emotionally nuanced reaction of the other character without even drawing them? The Archie-bot has done it again!

  59. erdmann
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June, show, don’t tell!

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    a little something fierce for Poteet. *squee!*

    Bull Mastiff Week continues. *slobber*

    macho one-hand pull-ups scene for Poteet.

    ikkle smelly weezoh.

    seems legit. (corgsqui)

    the difference between fluffy and big boned.

    Cascade corgi.

  61. Jeff
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

  62. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    FW: I wonder in what way Batiuk plans to chop/maim Corey now?

  63. Doctor Handsome
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    The year is 2012. I can’t decide if it’s sadder that Mr. Andrews paid $29.95 + shipping & handling for a Time-Life compilation of radio hits on compact disc, or that Archie is so impressed by something being mailed from a foreign country. Also, mail.

  64. Mibbitmaker
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    DT: Really, Dick? Next thing you know, he’ll say, “Wow, what an odd-looking criminal!”

    ReFOOB: “If you don’t do your homework, Michael, you’ll grow up to bcome a painfully mediocre writer. And that would just be really sad!”

    FW: Say goodbye to that mop there, kid.

    MT: “AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO!”

    Luann: Oh, shut up, gender traitor!

    MW: Her meddlin’ schedule!

    ZtP: It ridicules bad movies, too.

    Buckets: Oh, of course Greg Cravens likes us — we hardly ever mock HIS strip.

  65. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    BB: So Rocky is ready for deployment in Afghanistan because he keeps a bottle rocket in a box of sex toys and a baseball bat on the wall? So is he going to bludgeon the Taliban with his rifle, not realizing that it also has projectile firing capabilities?

    And on the topic, do military rifles really still have bayonnets?

  66. Jon the Red
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Clown-9 didn’t miss, pal. I can’t wait for him to take on the shooting gallery or Spin the Wheel.

  67. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

  68. Ian Beste
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#8): BBailey: “I coulda taken out bin-Laden”, Rocky thought as he lay on his bunk. “To the tune of ‘Rumble’ by Link Wray!”
    And you just gave Quentin Tarantino a great idea for his next movie.

  69. Binder's Butter Beans
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    BB: You learn about ninja stars and hedge clippers on “the streets”? Man, I gotta get out on the streets more often.

  70. Illustrator Steve
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    MT – I see that the bad old SHEEP KILLER has joined the current trend of face tatooing by having an outdated USSR sickle tatooed in white ink on the right side of his face over a large area tattoed in black ink. Oh my, WHAT will the SHEEP KILLER’S Mother think of this when she sees her son in court?!

  71. Deb
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I wonder what Mary and Dawn were doing together that it took until the second panel before Dawn could put up the straps on her dress.

  72. Dartpaw86
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Why is this still going!? Spiderman can defeat a guy who can turn into sand, a guy in a goblin costume flying on a glider, a cyborg with eight arms, sometimes all at the same time… but he can’t stop this guy? This actor in a clown costume, heck even The Joker hasn’t taken this long to be taken down and unlike Clown 9 he actually is dangerous.

  73. Wally Winkerbean
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#62):

    This is a device to have Wally be relevant again to the strip.

    He will be able to tell Corey about the hell he saw at Guadacanal, Chosan, Kesan, Iraq, Iraq II, Afghanistan or where ever or when ever he was shell shocked.

  74. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Sly: The kid I’m most interested in is the one with the gleeful grin on the upper left. At this moment of terror when the villianous moster is literally walking over the bones of those he tore asunder, this kid is rooting for more blood. “Frankenstien shall have his revenge, and so will I – on the idiot carrot-top that’s blocking my view. Stuff that popcorn, Curly, this meal may be your last!”

  75. Ian Beste
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#50): Lio: This “amazing adventures in reading” story would be a lot better if it ditched the “librarians are elderly bun-and-glasses-wearing killjoys who will bring down the wrath of God if you so much as drop a pin in their vicinity” stereotype.
    Seconded. I went to my daughters back to school night at her high school and met her librarian, a middle-age lady who drives an old VW bus plastered with “Co-Exist” and “Envison World Peace” bumper stickers, sports dangly silver earrings and wears tie-dyed dresses. Not exactly the old stereotype.

  76. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, in Charterstone.

  77. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Blondie: The fact that Dagwood thinks a rubber chicken is a great example of “highbrow comedy” explains quite a lot about this strip.

  78. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

  79. Ian Beste
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#65): @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#67): Awhile ago I asked my brother, a National Guard E-5, if they were still issued bayonets. “Oh sure” he said,”we need something to pry the lids off boxes and carve our names in trees.”

  80. Illustrator Steve
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    MT – To their credit, those SHEEP KILLER’S sure do keep their hide-out cabin neat and tidy with freshy painted pure white walls, a nice clean linen table cloth and a set of matching ladderback chairs. Plus they seem to be careful to neatly hang their jackets up on wall mounted coat hooks rather than just throwing the jackets over the back of a chair. Maybe Jackelrod should submit his clip-art work to Better Homes and Gardens for them to consider as a cover photo for their next magazine.

  81. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Spidey: Gosh, hula-hoops! I’m really dead now! All those super weirdos that I’ve been fighting have never tried to throw a hula hoop around me! I guess all the others thought that I’d just pull my arms in front of me and the hoops would drop to the floor. But I would never think of that! I’m trapped! Doomed!

  82. Doctor Handsome
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Why does Rocky’s box of weapons-that-aren’t-guns-which-I-think-is-what-the-Army-uses say “XXX” on it? None of those items appear to be pornography or moonshine. You’d think the mean streets would’ve taught him that.

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#79): presactly.

  84. Halloween Jack
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    at the time mainstream American was completely terrified of their mostly imagined propensity for brutal violence.

    If Beetle Bailey ever got updated, Rocky would be a Juggalo.

  85. giraffe-o
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    BB : Rocky is into some wicked S&M porn, as indicated by the contents of the “XXX” box next to his cot

  86. Terry in Maryland
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    “Today’s strip is a nice reminder that, while old-timey teens in leather jackets seem quaint today (who could be less threatening than Henry Winkler?), at the time mainstream American was completely terrified of their mostly imagined propensity for brutal violence. I’m pretty sure the nunchucks are a modern addition to Rocky’s arsenal, though.”

    True, but that pair of electric scissors is straight from my mother’s sewing machine drawer circa 1975.

  87. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Archie: It’s good to know the post office is going through Mr. Andrews’ mail to the extent that they take note which variety of music he listens to. They have to keep this older generation shielded from coolness at any cost.

    Although it did raise suspicions when a record dealer sent a CD, so it was kicked up to a higher level for review.

  88. giraffe-o
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Archie’s dad has clearly never heard of internet piracy.

  89. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    “Who could be less threatening than Henry Winkler?”

    Any of Spiderman’s villians, pretty much.

  90. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Love Is-Love Is when the drugs start kicking in. “Best computer graphics ever.”

    Gil Thorp-As a crowd forms around Irish import Terry Gallagher waiting for the signal to beat him up.

  91. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Nailed it in the yesterthread: “I have a suggestion! Since you’ll never be loved by any man anyway, why don’t you don the mantle of the Vestal Candystripers and give me a hand at the hospital!”

    But I forgot the part in which Dawn has to get some straps on that slut outfit in the first panel.

  92. Chaze
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    ASM – Aha! C9′s first mistake. Those green hoops are made of kryptonite and Spidey is NOT Superman. Actually, Spidey’s kryponite is an IQ only fractions higher than Rusty Trail’s.

    Curtis – I realize Curtis is brain dead. But pain dead, too?

    GT – Somebody help me. Who exactly just dissed Doyle Dane? Too many guys with black hair wearing blue jackets. If it’s the new Irish kid, just you watch the sparks fly.

    Frazz – Caulfied (ick) would be a good kid sidekick to Clown 9. And C9 would be a better influence on him than Frazz.

    FW – So Batiuk borrowed McE’s thesaurus?

    MW – I am transfixed by that ever-changed background scenery. Today they must be walking by the ashy ruins of a wildfire.

  93. Dennis Jimenez
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#89): I was pretty frightend by images of him, Joanie and Mrs. C. having a teddy bear tea party – I didn’t sleep for weeks….

  94. Esther Blodgett
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Luann: Hey, if she’s dumb enough to seek romantic advice from her brother Capt. Clueless, then let the chips fall, you know?

    FW: Please let him be assigned to Camp Swampy so Rocky can nunchuck the living crap out of him.

    Slylock: I misread “tombstone” as “testosterone” and couldn’t for the life of me figure out whether it was added to or missing from the second panel.

  95. JuneBizzle
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @S.Stout (#25): So Evans stops focusing on his crappy script in order to write a crappy musical? About old people. Getting old. Something that he assumes old people will enjoy. “Hey Grampa, you’ve got one foot in the grave! Isn’t that great?! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go catch up on the amazing antics of Clown-9 in today’s Spider-Man comic!”

  96. Dennis Jimenez
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#79): I’d like to see some new technology that sticks the enemy in the ass like a bayonet drone – Let’s put Boeing and McDonald-Douglas back to work on something like that….

  97. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Halloween Jack (#84): If BB were updated, there would be a soldier with a mohawk who likes to wear his baggy pants way too low.

  98. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Sorry, Clown-9, but that ring toss game is rigged so you won’t be able to win a prize.

  99. Hogenmogen
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @JuneBizzle (#95): Old people getting old? That’s Batuik’s musical:

    You’ve got one foot in the grave
    Ain’t that great?
    Just be brave
    Accept your fate

    When cancer comes
    You’re gonna go
    You’ll die pain-ful-ly
    And slow

  100. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Poor kid. He lives in New York City and had to go through a whole background screening before he was able to buy that soda and now it’s warm.

  101. Dan
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    “I ordered the CD on the company’s website, which is funny, because I guess I could have just used iTunes instead of paying for international shipping. How about we don’t tell your Mother about this one, Archie?”

  102. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#75): Not exactly the old stereotype.

    But pretty much the new stereotype, no? Very Portlandia.

  103. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Babar say “When your webbing melts, asshole, Babar stomp your faggott ass.”

  104. kkarenb
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49): Years ago my neighborhood had a rash of cherrybombing of mailboxes. My mailbox was one of the victims. It was covered by wooden slats, and we figured that when the cherry bomb exploded, the slats must have popped out like in a cartoon. I’m sure it was funny to the perps, but replacing it was not a laugh for us.

    Pluggers – I call shenanigans. Plugger ladies don’t take men’s jobs away from men. They stay in the kitchen, where they belong.

    9CL – This is making my stomach hurt.

    Mark Trail – Can this possibly get any more stupid?

    JP – Notice that Avery, not Sam, figured out that the skunk incident was a ruse to get them out of the cabin. It’s pretty bad when Avery is the brains of the outfit.

  105. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Archie’s dad totally does not look like Thomas E. Dewey. Thomas E. Dewey was much, much handsomer.

  106. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Archie-It was the only place that had an original cast recording of the musical “Third Reich” the play that took Europe by storm.

  107. John C.
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: “But Mary, why do I need to visit the hospital? I already know that life is brutal, and they through their misfortunes have come to realize that hard, painful truth as well!”

  108. UncleJeff
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: Stupid Slim got his pickup truck flattened in a hydraulic press at the junkyard and it only took two weeks of strips for this occurrence to be revealed.

  109. seismic-2
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Sad kid with the huge drink is sad because he is sitting next to a much larger kid with a huge bag of popcorn. Sad kid knows he will not have his huge drink for very long, once big popcorn kid starts to get thirsty.

  110. Ian Beste
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): Maybe not exactly Portlandia but there was very definitely a NPR/Amnesty International/farmers market/undergraduate English major type of student when I went to library school a few decades ago. They were more likely to be found in classes on children’s literature and “art of the book” than in “information service to organizations.”

  111. A New Day
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Here’s what really bugs me about Beetle Bailey (you know, today): The set up mentions combat training, not weapons training. Even if Rocky is an expert in all weapons, is he ready to coordinate an attack with his fellow soldiers? I mean, we have to assume that the enemy has seen West Side Story, and if the choreographer doesn’t change the routine at least a little bit, these guys are dancing their way into some serious trouble.

  112. Dennis Jimenez
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mysterious shirtless lawyer (#105): So, adding the period after the E is part of his decimal system, right?

  113. bats :[
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sean (#45): I think if Spidey failed to web the elephant’s trunk, someone with animating skilz would have my undying gratitude to see it grab him around the waist and repeatedly thump him into the moist, gamey-smelling sawdust of the Big Top. Over and Over and Over.

  114. greghousesgf
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#68): I’d go see that!
    who’s less threatening than Henry Winkler? RON HOWARD!

  115. pastordan, is not aware of all internet conventions
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#89): That’s going on the float.

  116. Chaze
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    A new 9CL, a different irritant. Today, for me, it’s the fey pose McE’s drawn for Mark. The three Berber women would not be caught in a pose that feminine. So here’s the deal:

    While I imagine Brooke believes he’s being very open minded by featuring gay characters, he consistently props up old stereotypes by their actions everyday. Maybe these are based on his art school friends and, therefore, within some sort of Brooke-reality, but to me they’re just as offensive as any other stereotype.

  117. Joshua
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    while old-timey teens in leather jackets seem quaint today (who could be less threatening than Henry Winkler?)

    When “Happy Days” debuted, the ABC network censor didn’t want Fonzie to wear a black leather jacket, because it would make him look like a hoodlum. The producers protested, explaining that motorcyclists like Fonzie needed to wear leather jackets for safety. So the censor said that Fonzie could wear a leather jacket but only when he was on or near his motorcycle.

    And so in every scene Fonzie appeared in, he brought his motorcycle with him, even inside a house, to justify his leather jacket. This went on until the censor relented and said it was okay for Fonzie to wear a leather jacket even without his motorcycle nearby.

  118. Duke of Earl Grey
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    That movie theater kid is so depressingly sad, even his drink is crying.

  119. Mayor Bloomsburgh
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    That kid will be crying a lot harder when the health Gestapo come pull his big gulp from his cOld, sticky fingers.

  120. Cory
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Archie:

    The emphasis in the strip is on the wrong syllable. The letterer was supposed to emphasize “record”, not “Germany”.

    ‘You sent to Germany for a *record*, dad? I thought you usually just bought Scheisser porn from there.”

  121. Poteet
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#Y294): I like the way you think.

  122. Chaze
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Sfx – Isn’t a weeping Dawn in the purple dress in the front row? And isn’t that (sigh) Dave (sigh) on the screen trampling hearts and bones?

  123. Apeman
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Newspaper Spidey: Golden-age Green Lantern, whose weakness was wood, looks at Spider-Man’s ever-growing list of things that can take him out and says, “Geezus, dude, at least I can work around my problem. You’re affected by damn near everything!”

  124. AhClem
    September 6th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    BB – Rocky has a vintage Snippy on his wall!

  125. Snarkotix Addict
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Ari makes his move. Someone should warn Greg not to go on and on about his big thing so much.

    MW – This really sucks for Dawn. Mary and Wilbur get the glamorous writing gigs, and she winds up at the hospital, trying to cheer the sick and lonely.
    “Hey, let’s watch some TV together. Have you ever seen Game of Thrones? It’s brutal, but it will get your mind off your surgery.”

    Luann – Right. Expert knowledge on men from Toni. Dirk. Brad. What a resume she has.

  126. Pozzo
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Well, one difference between the two panels — in the first one, the monster has not yet inserted the suppository that we can see between his legs. (That *is* what that is, right?)

  127. Poteet
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49): Wow. I’ll remember that swing-arm idea.

  128. Poteet
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#60): Yay! Every day is better with herps.

  129. bats :[
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#50): re A3G: no no no! You’ve been listening to Lu Ann Explain Things, haven’t you?

  130. HAnzMFG
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    I think the kid in Slylock is just sad because he can’t figure out how to turn the cup around so he can drink from the straw. He’s probably been toiling away for half the movie now.

  131. Baka Gaijin
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#126): I thought the second panel didn’t have a huge puddle of pee under the little girl’s chair.

  132. HAnzMFG
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man has been defeated by Clown-9 twice now. TWICE. And it looks like he’s well on his way to getting his ass kicked a third time, what with his tripping over Clown-9′s “elongating shoe” (shudder) and now he’s being made into a ring-toss. There must be some sort of inverse villain effectiveness law for Spider-Man, in which the sadder and more stupid and pathetic the villain he is, the more trouble Spider-Man has putting them away. Unfortunately, this law does not work in the opposite way.

  133. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    SM – Someone call PETA NOW! WTF?!

    Archie – Mr. Andrews may have also ordered the new Supertramp Paris ’79 DVD – pulling teeth from a hen is likely easier than the hoops everyone had to jump though to get that thing released (and still not released in the US or Canada). Long story …

    Beetle – nice display of Belfast confetti on the left, Rocky. Or is that a Ninja Death Star?

  134. HAnzMFG
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    How does the mailman in Archie know it’s from a German record dealer? Oh right, it says DEUTSCHE HÄNDLER here on the package!

  135. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    I share Peter’s distaste for activity and accomplishment, which is why I applaud his decision not to use his working, still-free legs and hands to turn around and web Clowno.

  136. HAnzMFG
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    And what’s with the bizarre amount of distress seemingly conveyed off-screen in the last panel of Archie? Is he upset that German record dealers are gaining a monopoly on selling old “American” music, thus causing him to spray sweat profusely? Or is he doing a spit-take? Hey Archie, he’s a trendy 90s quote for ya: SAY IT, DON’T SPRAY IT.

  137. HAnzMFG
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Yes sir, Rocky sure has a lot of combat experience outside the M4 carbine, with all those standard issue Army weapons he has racked on the barracks wall.

  138. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Haha, Dag made a masturbation joke at the expense of his boss! Haha!

  139. terrapin
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    MT: See, Rusty? That’s exactly why Mark doesn’t like taking you fishing. Stupid shit like that!

    Blondie: Insert chicken choking joke here.

  140. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    SlyFox – soda kid watched “Super Size Me” on his computer and is feeling mortally guilty about his Big Gulp ™.

  141. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#138):
    Yes, Terrapin! : ) Great minds …
    “And I know we’ll be there soon … “

  142. HAnzMFG
    September 6th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Dagwood. Looks like your elderly boss has somehow evolved to have a sense of humor more advanced than the 1950s.

  143. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#23):
    You know, frog legs really do taste like white meat chicken. Weird but true.
    What is even weirder is that my Dad hated chicken (he was served too much of it during WWII), but whenever it was possible he would order frog legs when we went out to eat.

  144. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Clown-9’s riotous ring toss wouldn’t have worked if Spidey hadn’t let his arms go limp right after webbing up the elephant. Either his spider sense is actually running in reverse now or its been repurposed to set up other people’s jokes.

    MT: Rusty has an especially contentious guest appearance on Real Time With Bill Maher.

    MW: “I’m able to fit my volunteer shifts in with a busy schedule of controlling the lives of everyone around me. Surely you can make it work with your silly attempts at book learning.”

    C-Shaft: Hey Keesterman, the remains of the mailbox still look like they’d make a fine blunt weapon. Just sayin’.

    Popeye: Another question for Olive might be why she’s up to her nonexistent titties in dirt and grass, but I guess Popeye can’t always be the smart one.

    JP: It doesn’t look like the idea of the camera being stolen ever would have occurred to Sam. Avery is both a more compelling protagonist and a smarter one.

    RMMD: Rex wasn’t available/was too embarrassed to appear in the second panel, so they substituted an old still of Bruce Willis from his Moonlighting days.

    Garfield: Flat, sarcastic laughter is good enough for Paws, Inc. But you knew that.

    H&L: In this case isn’t it one thing and your mother? I mean, that’s not funny either, but at least that way it’s not a festering wound on both reason and language.

    GT: Mia is prejudiced against people with first and last names reversed.

    Bizarro: It is educational. You have to give ‘em that.

    SSmith: “Don’t you look nice!!” says the woman who forgot to put a skirt on over her slip.

    S4th: Really, the answer to any question beginning with “what kind of lunatic…” is pretty easy.

    OBH: One might think “The Screwtape Letters” would be a little over Joe’s head, but who knows? Advice to a young demon might be right up his alley.

  145. commodorejohn
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @S.Stout (#25): Choice quote: “A few piano lessons as a kid gave me barely enough skill to plunk out my own tunes.”

    You know, Greg, I started toying around with making music the exact same way – two years of basic piano, barely any music theory. The difference is that I actually practiced enough to not be total crap at it before unleashing my creations on an unsuspecting public, as opposed to just trusting in YouTube to surround my crap with equally crappy crap so it didn’t stand out as much.

  146. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#143): Did he ever dine at this gentleman’s establishment?

  147. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

  148. Señor Tortilla
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro: OK, props to you.

    FW: Maybe Cory WAS paying attention to Les Moore’s class. He’s certainly picked up the pretentious douchebaggery.

  149. Daniel
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    SM That elephant’s trunk is all wrong–it’s bulging at the end. As the saying goes, “Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only.”

  150. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    9CL: It’s probably been said, but I find the rape overtones of “You always run from me when I approach you, so I’m going to lie on you, pinning you down in a sexual way, so you can’t run away from me now” rather disquieting.

  151. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#55):

    Luann- Now would be a good time for the car to explode.

    You could learn a lot from a dummy.

  152. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#146):
    Hah, I don’t think so!
    We used to sometimes do weekend family stuff and would go to eat at Skipper’s restaurant in Norwalk, CT, watch the Sam Driver types on their boats right outside, and I would have saved a few dollars, sneak up to the main desk, and (when this was still allowed) buy my Dad (and Mom, when she still smoked) a pack of Cigarrilos as a little gift. Then we’d go next door to the arcade and mini golf. Good times, but now I’m anti-tobacco for the most part.
    But yes, I remember the Frog’s legs at Skipper’s. I did not try them until I moved to Quebec.

  153. littlestevie
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Hope June got her Brazilian

  154. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#153):

    She did. He drops by twice a week to paint her garage.

  155. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

  156. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y162):

    “Science fiction fandom has long used “blog” to mean a certain mixed alcoholic beverage, whose details I don’t know offhand ”

    Minnesota fandom’s blog is, if I recall correctly, mostly a mixture of vodka, ginger ale, and grenadine. There’s also a non-alcoholic version (called St. Paul Blog) which leaves out the vodka. I forget the exact proportions, even though back in the day I mixed many gallons of it while bartending at Minicon.

    Ah, wait, here’s the recipe:

    http://wiki.mnstf.org/index.php?title=Blog_Recipe

  157. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Archie-That’s not a cd he ordered. He really ordered some weird German hardcore porn. He just says it’s a music cd to appear normal.

  158. Noel Schornhorst
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one disturbed by Rocky’s box of ‘XXX’ sex toys on view in the barracks for everyone to peruse?

  159. commodorejohn
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#150): Now, now. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from Brooke, it’s that if you see something inappropriate or disturbing in his work, it’s your own fault for mistaking his Authorial Intent for something that it merely looks and plays exactly like! Clearly you must be dirty-minded to see such subtext in something so innocent as this! After all, it’s not like Brooke has a whole other strip where rape is basically how the characters say hello! (Because that can’t be rape, since they derive sexual pleasure from it!)

    Okay, I need to go throw up now.

    Archie – Don’t tell Mr. Andrews but many American composers were influenced by composers from other countries! Even Aaron Copland, god of distinctively American music, liked music written by dirty Russians!

    Bizarro – Oh, this is gold.

    FW – The problem with these storylines is, it always turns my natural sympathy for the designated villains and my loathing for the “heroes” in this strip against the fact that Cory really is an unlikeable douche. Really I just want them all to die.

    JP – “Why, that’s such a shock that it completely alters my facial features!”

    Luann – FORCING A RESPONSE IS STILL MORE EFFECTIVE THAN SITTING AROUND INDEFINITELY WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN WITH NO ACTION ON THE PART OF EITHER PARTY, DIPSHIT.

    MT – You really thought that would work, didn’t you, Rusty? I like how Smoking Poacher really just seems more peeved that Rusty even tried such a dumb ploy.

    MW – “I don’t know, Mary. Would they let me wear all purple, all the time? And what about my tendency to spontaneously develop shoulder straps on my garments?”

    OBH – “What’s so great about divorce, anyway?”

    Peanuts – The quintessential Lucy moment? Experts say yes.

    Phantom – “And it’s ours – all ours! Now let’s see, how can we completely fuck up this perfect agreement with some needless villainy?”

    RMMD – This is turning into 9 Chickweed Lane levels of obsession over hypothetical naughtiness.

    SM – Yep. That’s our Spider-Man.

  160. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#156):

    And I just realized someone answered this yesterday, so OverBlogApologies.

  161. seismic-2
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#143): Most famous dinner of frog’s legs, ever: courtesy of Sam Gross

  162. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#31):

    “So today The Buffalo News ran a whole bunch of strips from last month. Apparently to whoever puts together the comics section can’t tell the difference between August 6th and September 6th.”

    Are you sure that’s a Buffalo, and that it wasn’t actually The Groundhog Daily News?

  163. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#50):

    “Lio: This “amazing adventures in reading” story would be a lot better if it ditched the “librarians are elderly bun-and-glasses-wearing killjoys who will bring down the wrath of God if you so much as drop a pin in their vicinity” stereotype.”

    What you said. (But, to be fair, some of us do wear glasses. All right, most of us.)

  164. AhClem
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#160): That would have been me. And I, too, have spent many hours behind the Minicon bar mixing up batches of blog.

  165. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#81):

    Yes, but you see, they’re GREEN hula hoops! Just as (Silver Age) Green Lantern is helpless against anything yellow, so Spidey is helpless against anything green!

    // Or white, or black, or blue, or yellow, or brown, or purple, or puce, or plaid…

  166. Tangerine
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I will forgive all of this–even be ecstatic!–if Amos shortly meets the same fate as the accompanist in Ann Patchett’s Bel Canto.

  167. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#104):

    ” It’s pretty bad when Avery is the brains of the outfit.”

    As I recall (I only saw it once, and that was decades ago), the only funny line in the movie version of ROOM SERVICE had Groucho introducing Chico to some one with “This is the brains of our outfit. That will give you some idea of the outfit.”

  168. Alter Ego
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    love is… booby-trapping her laptop.

  169. Sequitur
    September 6th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#167): And I imagine your eyebrows went up and down as you were typing that.

  170. Alfred E. Neuman
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#46) said: “Curtis – What! Him worry?”

    A gap in the front teeth is always cool and debonaire. I’m not the only example: look what it’s done for Michael Strahan. Curtis’ real problem is that as big as it is, the gap in his teeth is still much smaller than the gaps in his synapses.

  171. Dennis Jimenez
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Noel Schornhorst (#158): I thought all new recruits were issued their own GI regulation dildo….

  172. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#156):
    That’s essentially a Shirley Temple, but with booze.

  173. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#161):
    Ugh! : P
    But, I eat meat, so …

  174. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#150): Agreed. And combined with the “I can’t live without you” passive-aggressive coercion, it’s just gross.

    Also, who wants to spend their life with a partner who requires such manipulation to say yes? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who was clearly enthusiastic about the possibility?

  175. terrapin
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#141):You must have posted yours while I was typing mine…correcting my spelling…etc…

  176. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: How old is Curtis, anyway? If he were a younger kid I could accept him losing a baby tooth painlessly, but he’s past that age, surely?

    Maybe he can’t feel it for the same reason he crashed his skateboard; he’s gotten into someone’s Oxycontin stash.

    Luann: No, twitty lady, “guys” aren’t like that. You are like that.

    //Which either says something about her views of relationships, or that she suffers from an unrecognized gender-identity crisis.

    //Which would also explain a lot.

  177. Anonymous
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Posted for no particular reason:

    http://picpaste.com/pics/UVtlS9L7.1346963901.jpg

  178. Sequitur
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

  179. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#127): If Google Street View links work like I hope they do, you can see the amazing pivoting mailbox in this scene. Also, you can move down the road and see it from the front (it takes a second to realize you’re looking at the plastic crate) and the other side.

    @Calico (#143): That’s true, about frog legs tasting like chicken. I had frog once at a Chinese Restaurant in Maryland (a friend ordered off the Chinese menu), mostly so that I could truthfully say that. Best of all, now I can tell people that such-and-such a dish “tastes like frog.”

    @Calico (#147): That was kind of neat. Is the singer Phishface?

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#156): Thanks! I didn’t try to Google ‘blog’ because I figured there’s be 90 million hits, and the one I want would be on page 89 million.

    @commodorejohn (#159): I was quoting that strip earlier this week, I’m pretty sure. (“YOU STUPID DARKNESS!”) The only Peanuts strip that comes close to rivaling it in my affections is the one where Lucy tells Linus “You and that blanket make me sick!” And he says, “Why don’t you take a pill? Why don’t you take a pill for relief of nausea caused by sight of little brother clutching blanket?” (Last panel, he’s lying injured on the floor, slightly dazed, but it was worth it.)

    @AhClem (#164): Bozo Bus refugee?

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

  181. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#179): Okay, Google Street View links are not reliable. Here’s a screen shot that shows the amazing pivoting mailbox, encased in a plastic milk crate that sacrifices itself to save the mailbox when some warthead runs into it. Again.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#180): “Well, you know what they say: Cold fist, warm heart!”

  182. Bootsy
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    I was so loving Rusty’s face plant in Sheepy McKiller’s solar plexus, that it could have only been more sublime if the sound effect had been “Quack! Aaah!

    I’ve been gone a week or so (darn you to heck, Isaac!) but I wonder why Toni in Luann goes on a date in a suit and tie. Is she Ellen DeGeneres? Has there been discussion of this? Consternation? No? Just me then. Carry on.

  183. Peanut Gallery
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    SFx – The kid is disgusted because he asked for Sprite and they gave him Sierra Mist.

    Bizarro – Sick & literal. I love it.

  184. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#110): I know. They are silly, and easy to make fun of, but, they tend to be really nice people. Don’t know if I’d care to have one running the Army, but to share a pot of tea and a plate of cookies, none better.

  185. AhClem
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#182): My guess is that they are going to some kind of official firefighter event, and need to be dressed in their uniforms. Another possibility (and a far more interesting one) is that Toni was once named Tony, and Bwad has yet to discover that particular aspect of his/her anatomy.

  186. commodorejohn
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): The library in my hometown has both. It’s even odds which one you’ll get, which makes things rather interesting.

  187. Government Cheese
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Archie: WOAH wooah wooah. CD’s? And why is the mailman going through his mail? And why is Archie wearing half a hairnet?

  188. Peanut Gallery
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#39): Clerihew time!

    William Jennings Bryan
    inspired the Cowardly Lion.
    He roused his movement-builders
    with cries of “Free Phil Silvers!”

  189. Der Schnärkïnätör
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#104):

    Mark Trail – Can this possibly get any more stupid?

    Not the first time we’ve seen somebody make this comment!

    Won’t be the last time either…

  190. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#188): You know, you don’t want to muck about with the foundations of the universe, much.

  191. Peanut Gallery
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#179):

    I was quoting that strip earlier this week, I’m pretty sure. (“YOU STUPID DARKNESS!”)

    Actually, it was last month. I looked it up because when I read today’s Peanuts, I thought, “didn’t I just see that one, like, last week?”

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#188):

    Napoleon the Third
    Was utterly absurd.
    His bubble was burst
    By Wilhelm the First.

    // I’m not proud of that. But it had to be done.

  193. Peanut Gallery
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#190): But… but… Zippy does it all the time!

  194. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#193): Sure, and if Zippy the Pinhead were to jump off a cliff, you would too, no doubt!

    Zippy the Pinhead
    Was very well-read.
    He was a confidant
    Of Will and Ariel Durant.

  195. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#191): Here, yes. I quote Peanuts in other places, though, and darn if it’s not usually that strip.

  196. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    By the way, I got a callback. Tomorrow night I’ll read for the almost-a-part of Franz, the Teutonic butler of the Von Trapp family. I was really hoping for Max, and there’s no guarantee I’ll even get Franz, but this is a step in the right direction for me.

  197. Peanut Gallery
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#192):

    I’ve no more use for Napoleon
    than for speaking Anatolian.
    But he’s not a total swine –
    His pastry is divine!

  198. Peanut Gallery
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#196): Congratulations! Break a leg! (Is that appropriate for auditions? Maybe it’s “break a toe”?)

  199. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#196): I expect you are already “off book”.

  200. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#179):

    I googled minicon blog grenadine
    since I recalled that grenadine was part of the recipe, but I now see that
    minicon blog drink
    would have worked as well.

    I probably know AhClem in/from a different lifetime, but I don’t know who s/he is. (AhClem: I’ve been out of the closet here a few times as Denny Lien.)

  201. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#198):

    Can’t climb every mountain with a broken leg, or even a broken toe. But in early rehersals I imagine they just climb every molehill, anyway.

  202. Monty’s Python
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    I do not expect inquisition
    Spanish or FBIan
    But probing with a stick
    Makes Mark Trail fall in quick

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#197):
    Both of the Napoleons
    Were fond of simoleons.
    I myself, would not bitch,
    Were I to become unexpectedly rich.

  204. odinthor
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#167):

    Room Service! Do you realize that the actor (Frank Albertson) portraying the playwright at the center of the plot in that 1938 show was also the actor who, in 1960′s Psycho, played the part of the rich guy who sets the plot in motion? And that, in 1930, he was in the first motion picture Sci-Fi musical Just Imagine in which he sang a song which became a minor standard—“If You Swat A Fly”, which song would have been both appropriate and hilarious at the end of Psycho? Yes, you did realize all of this? OK, then, what’s for dinner tonight, smarty-pants?

  205. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#204): Meatloaf!

  206. odinthor
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#204):

    Rather, Never Swat A Fly. Eh, might as well be accurate!

  207. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Noel Schornhorst (#158):

    Rocky’s box of sex toys isn’t any worse than all the sex Beetle and Sarge have right out in the open. Seriously those two have been together so long that they aren’t fighting they’re fucking.

  208. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    MT-You didn’t even get my good side. I’m glad I stole your camera.

  209. wossname
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Monty’s Python (#202): So let me get this straight — FBIan is pronounced “F-B-ishun”? or “F-bishun?”

  210. The Ridger
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    H&J: Hahahaha it’s funny because Jamaal killed a turtle.

  211. The Ridger
    September 6th, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#31): One of the papers I take (yes, I support the local papers) occasionally screws up and puts tomorrow’s comics in today. Then tomorrow they have to lose a whole page of the sports section to run BOTH the missed strips and that day’s own strips. The worst thing is that with the serial strips, you can almost never tell you missed a day (I generally find out when I discover I’ve worked a different Jumble than my father and brother – we email each other our experience with it every day).

  212. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Monty’s Python (#202):

    NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!

  213. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#198): Thanks, I’ll take whatever I get. Indeed, my first choice was Max, and my second was Zeller, but I did indicate a third choice, so I’ll go back and read for it tomorrow evening.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#199): Yeah, pretty much. They say sides will be provided, but I don’t recall Franz ever saying much, except one time “Heil Hitler.” There’s also a Mrs. Franz. I would be amused if they cast somebody really hot for that, but I expect she’ll be, well, the female rough equivalent of me.

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#200): I know you spilled the beans one time, and I know your name from years gone by, when Fred Haskell would run his MINNEAPAzine in AZAPA, for some reason. Either that or loose talk from name-dropping AZAPAns from Lansing and such. (A lot of what I know, and what I “know” is on 3×5 cards in a box in my head. It would have helped if I’d written on each card where the factoid came from. Too late now.)

  214. Calico
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#175):
    Too funny!
    I love it when us CC’rs get some sort of synchronicity going.

  215. Baka Gaijin
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#196): Remember to chase the family north out of Salzburg. Unlike the movie, Nazi Germany was north of Salzburg. Be sure to pick up gasoline at the Shell station near the airport. It has the best prices in the area.

  216. The Ridger
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#55): Has anyone really ever gotten a tooth knocked out and not noticed? I did. But then I’d just gone face first into a fencepost, courtesy of a severely pissed-off horse, and I thought I’d fractured a cheekbone, so perhaps Curtis is just masking his pain to impress his little brother?

  217. The Ridger
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#63): Some of us use mail because the other guys insist on believing that every household in America has someone home during the work-weekday with nothing better to do than accept packages. And are very far away and/or not open on Saturday.

    On the other hand, why aren’t impressed that the whole world collaborates to record American music? USA! USA!

  218. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#163): For the record, the librarians at my school totally rock. And yes, there are a few pairs of glasses, but they’re hipster glasses, sans buns and “shushes,” so it doesn’t count.

  219. AhClem
    September 6th, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#200): I’ve gone to Minicon nearly every year since #13 (1978). My badge name is — surprise — AhClem!

  220. Monty’s Python
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#209): It doesn’t matter. Have fun with it because it’s now a neologism of a sort.

  221. Monty’s Python
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#212): At first I was expecting it but then I forgot about it and banished it from my thought process. That was a mistake.

  222. pastordan, no friend of the apostrophe
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#196): Mazeltov…and if any cellists try to climb on stage, stomp on their fingers.

  223. Peanut Gallery
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#194):

    Sure, and if Zippy the Pinhead were to jump off a cliff, you would too, no doubt!

    No! Well, that is, not again.

  224. Ed Bob
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    I will never look at 6 Differences the same way ever again. Thanks for opening my eyes to a whole new way of thinking, Josh! I can’t say I’m better for it though.

  225. debussy fields
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    MW–Oh, for God’s sake, she’s going to meet a young doctor, get married, go off to New York with him, and get into a four-way with Gina and what’s-his-name!

  226. commodorejohn
    September 6th, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#225): Oh dear God, you’re right.

  227. Monty’s Python
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#225):

    On skateboards.

    With a soccer ball.

  228. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#178): Okay, so he’s eleven, which puts him a bit too far outside the usual time frame for losing baby incisors, according to this.

  229. Liam
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    MW-Sure the hospital. It’s not like Santa Royale has other places she could volunteer at. It’ll be easy to volunteer at the hospital so Mary will always keep her meddling eye on Dawn.

  230. Bobby Black
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Monty’s Python (#227):
    On skateboards.
    With a soccer ball.

    Life is bootal.

  231. Ryan
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    Beatle Baily is kind of dark though, because there’s a real life problem right now of gangsters joining the US military. Of course in real life, the purpose is to bring military training back to the streets, not vice versa.

  232. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 6th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#17): Actually – and I’m a dentist – a tooth can be replanted in a socket up to half an hour after being knocked out, and it has an extremely high chance of reattachment if properly stabilised. I once read of a guy who dived – drunk – into a swimming pool, hit his face on the bottom and knocked out two teeth, went back the next morning – by which time the teeth had been out for over twelve hours – washed them in brandy, put them back himself, and then went to the dentist. The teeth were still in his jaw at the time the dental article was written, something like twenty years later.

  233. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#205):

    Meatloaf!

    No, I don’t think the actor odinthor is talking about was in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

  234. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#232): If you dive, don’t drink. If you’re drunk, don’t dive.

  235. Sgt. Stoned
    September 6th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: And, you might hook-up you a young and rich doctor with blue hair.

  236. Droopy Says
    September 7th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: So the ring-toss delayed Spiderman . . . just long enough to let Clown-9 explain he was being delayed.

    FU, W: Make a man out of Cory Winkerbean? Dr. Frankenstein couldn’t make an asthmatic mouse out of that raw maferial. What makes Funky think the Army could do any better?

    Seriously, why does Fat Failure Funky suddenly hate his son? When was the last time these two appeared together in a father-son relationship? Other than being a bored high-school kid with incompetent, self-absorbed “teachers,” is there anything wrong with Cory? Does he have an arrest record, drug habit or other epic-fail trait? I don’t see where Funky has an excuse to fault his son.

    Pluggers: No, no, no! Pluggers do not stand with scissors! They run with scissors! Everywhere, in the dark, with their shoelaces tied together and buckets of marbles spilled on the floor!

    Mock Trail: Helpful hint, poachers: No matter how long you postpone the decision, you still have to kill Rusty. So bite the bullet!

    Jugs Parker: Sam still won’t get a clue. Meanwhile I’m still hoping that Avery is himself a big-time drug lord and he plans to buy out Bea’s operation. His book and movie deals will turn out to be a money laundering operation, with the Parker-Driver axis set up as the patsies. (I also hope this arc ends before the sun slides off the main sequence and becomes a red giant, but that hope seems equally forlorn.)

  237. Poteet
    September 7th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#236): Per FW, I’m pretty sure that Cory stole money from a Dead Lisa fundraiser (worse than stealing from a cathedral!) and that someone (his horrified dad, I think) covered for him. That’s the only serious misbehavior I can remember, except maybe for a little school cheating, but it seems to me that Cory has been portrayed as a kid who basically doesn’t like rules, authority, or adults in general. Why he would decide to join the military would ordinarily be a puzzle to me, but this is the Batiukiverse, where rationality does not apply. So good luck to Cory and the military, not necessarily in that order.

  238. Poteet
    September 7th, 2012 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    MT — Like the poachers have got something more important to do?

  239. Poteet
    September 7th, 2012 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    JP — Ah, the Great Pot Revelation at last. I still say Avery should have found an earlier opportunity to mention it.

  240. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 7th, 2012 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Spider Bland: How much stupider can this get? I can’t avert my eyes, though, from this disaster in slow motion.

    Snuff Film Smif: Jughaid was bullied by having his tie pulled? Or what is this supposed to mean?

    Blondie: “No food” worked with Dagwood around? Really?

    Curtis: Dad’s flava is bitter irony.

    JP: And all this while you didn’t think of it…why? Maybe you talked to Rusty and got the memory card out of the phone?

    Locked Horns: Leroy finally comes out. Loretta is unimpressed.

    Mary Worthless: Would this strip still exist if people stopped waving their hands about?

    Smirk Trail: Yes, it’s too bad for the geese the giant beaver-thing showed up there.

  241. Dr. Weird
    September 7th, 2012 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#237):

    The dialogue when Cory stole that cash indicated that it wasn’t the first time he’d done something that needed Funky to cover for him.

    And also, Cory has played the “you’re not my real father” card on him for years, which might make really loving him rather hard.

  242. Adjuster
    September 7th, 2012 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    MT:
    Sheep killer #1: Ok, so we’ll decide what to do with the kid later… without holding him here or letting him go. How can we do that?

    Sheep killer #2: I know! We’ll get a box and a radiation source…

  243. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    September 7th, 2012 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    9CL: You’ve got to be kidding, McEldowney.

    LooAnn: Evans probably read the Curmudgeonly comments from yesterday. Today he says the strip is his first priority. I’d hate to see his second.

    Wizard of Id-iot: Pink??? Maybe I’ve gone colour-blind.

  244. tallyHO
    September 7th, 2012 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spitoon-Man

    With the one simple, super-spring powered leap, antagonist Clown-9 leapt into a gaggle of clowns and instantly instigated the Great Clown Massace, a violently technicolored event which traumatized Spider-Man so much he hung up his costume.
    Unfortunately, for middle-aged Peter Parker, in the midst of hanging up his costume, he became entangled in some excess webbing and eventually needed to be rescued by his loving wife who, upon finishing up another grueling night’s performance in “Wacky Hackonistis” , stumbled upon his dilemma after believing Parker was still out fighting crime and before she turned in for the night for a well-deserved night’s rest.

  245. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 7th, 2012 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    9CL: Of all the things to bug me about this strip and the current story arc, I think it says something that right now my fatigued irritation reactor has decided to fixate on the continuity error above all.

    Yesterday, he was proffering the ring to her. Now it has disappeared. Can some editor, who’s just wandering by, stop in to his studio to slap McE for me?

  246. tymime
    September 7th, 2012 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    Slylock: I dunno… maybe he just managed to get milk instead of soda. It doesn’t look terribly fizzy- rather, it looks opaque.
    Assuming he’s in the only movie theater that serves milk.

  247. Droopy Says
    September 7th, 2012 at 6:29 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#241): So along with Cory being a rotten kid and Funky being an incompetent father, there’s also a DFL (Dead Fucking Lisa) factor here. Cory will have to make amends for swiping money from Lisa’s Runs, which gives Batiuk an excuse to drag her back from Kilimanjaro. FW is turning into the Hammer Dracula series, where Christopher Lee’s returns got more and more improbable.

  248. Dale
    September 7th, 2012 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#161):

    Tried the Sam Gross link a few minutes ago. Kaspersky anti-virus software said it’s infected. Not going to try again.

  249. Dale
    September 7th, 2012 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#181):

    Cool. Looks like gravity holds it in its normal position. There are probably legal and technical reasons why they couldn’t build it like a quintain.

  250. smacky
    September 7th, 2012 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    “If you show a bikini in the first act, it better come off in the third.” –Anton Chekhov’s less often cited bikini rule

  251. tb4000
    September 7th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Even though we conceived our child via the science of artificial insemination, you seeing my naked ass for the first time since you reluctantly agreed to my marriage proposal is just something that kind of needs to transpire.”

  252. Not Worth It
    September 7th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Archie: This strip reminds me of the time I realized that The Marriage of Figaro was an opera by an Austrian composer, based on a French play, set in Spain, sung in Italian, being performed in America. It’s like nowadays no one recognizes that things should stay in the nation God put them in.

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