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Also: Mopey Pete created Babylon 5? Who knew!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/12/12

In accordance with Funky Winkerbean’s long tradition of making unbearably big deals out of low-level life problems, Mopey Pete the comics artist is behind deadline on the Superman book he’s working on, which is being portrayed metaphorically by him being bedeviled by a sinister supervillain called “The Lord of Late.” This was easy enough to ignore until today, when it was revealed that Mopey Pete is writing a series about Superman walking across America. Does Mopey Pete not know that Superman can fly?? Then I found out that this was actually a real thing, which just made me madder. Does DC Comics not know that Superman can fly??

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/12/12

Oh my goodness, Rex’s look of weary disgust in panel three is priceless. “Ugh, the worst part of my highly-compensated medical work is that sometimes you repair a dumb meatsack and then it thinks you have some kind of emotional connection to it or something. Looks like it’s time to starting having all patients anesthetized before I come into the room!”

Hi and Lois, 9/12/12

Poor Trixie has been used as an unwilling tool in the seduction of more innocent girls than she can count, with her pre-verbal status leaving her unable to warn Chip’s emotional victims. You can tell by her face in panel two that this is really starting to wear her down.

Family Circus, 9/12/12

Check out Dolly’s smug facial expression! That’s the look of a girl who can find the sex parts of any book.

Herb and Jamaal, 9/12/12

Shorter Jamaal: “I hold my best friend in withering contempt, because I’m a terrible person.”

258 responses to “Also: Mopey Pete created Babylon 5? Who knew!”

  1. nescio
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    FC: “We were wondering because so many of the pages are stuck together.”

    Marvin: Should’ve read “Parenting of Dummies”

    Marmaduke: And thanks to the spread-eagle shot, we can see all of Marmaduke’s balls have disintegrated.

  2. Dave Dahl
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MW – It’s a trap !!

  3. Feral Canadian
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    I know Rusty isn’t smart enough to realize that a 4 legged animal is inherently faster then a 2 legged one due to force being applied over a greater surface area, but maybe when he falls flat on his face he will let go of Sassy and they can escape a little quicker.

  4. Chareth Cutestory
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: I wish I knew which thoughts Mopey Pete the comics artist was chastising himself for having! My hope is that he’s so nerdy about comics that the thoughts plaguing him are Superman canon logic problems.

    RMMD: “Hey, you saved my life! I was badly injured after drunk driving in my taxi. Anyway, where to??”

  5. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Rex’s stern look in panel 3 reveals that he knows this guy must be some sort of scam artist. The closest Rex has ever come to saving anyone’s life was waving smelling salts under the nose of an ODing teenager, and even then the ‘saving her life’ part was purely conjectural.

    MW – It’s a Mary Worth-Funky Winkerbean-Gil Thorp crossover! I’m off to look up the names of major safety pin manufacturers in order to profit from this new fashion trend!

  6. CanuckDownSouth
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    FW: Wouldn’t a major story arc have to be pitched with a basic outline? This is more ridiculous than getting stuck on what to do with a villain-of-the-month issue.

  7. Chyron HR
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    RMMD – When are they gonna get to the thong bikini factory?! (breaks down sobbing)

    FW – So in the fictional Funkyverse, is Pete supposed to be JMS, or is he supposed to be the guy who took over from JMS? Knowing more about comic books just makes this strip even less coherent.

  8. yellojkt
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Jamal went to a lot of trouble to come up with the generic H&J way of saying “He’s a good example of a bad example.”

  9. Pozzo
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    My god, Rex’s taxi is being driven by Willie Lumpkin! (My entry in the unofficial “Most Obscure Comment of the Day” competition.)

  10. Red Delicious
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    The only thing more unsettling than Chip using his infant sister to seduce a potential conquest is that this particular conquest is pretty clearly related to him in some way.

  11. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Mopey Pete=J. Michael Straczynski?

    (Yeah, what Josh said!)

  12. Mibbitmaker
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    FW (meta): More like Babble On 5! Anyway, these FWs just remind me why I read indy-type comic books.

    Curtis: Prediction: Derrick and “Onion” mock Curtis’s tooth whistle, Chutney beats them up.

    ReFOOB: “No, honey, Farley isn’t going to die — not until that no-good April is born, at least!”

    Luann: Throw the book at them — preferably War and Peace… the hardcover edition!

    MT: “Oh, great, now the kid’s flying!”

    MW: (eyeroll)

    RMMD: “Rats! Medical stuff!”

    ZtP: Creepy Dingburg gets creepier.

  13. True Fable
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    And there’s Jeffy, blankly accepting stories of bloodshed and slavery and seduction; of lechery, incest and madness, his usual nighttime stories. Happy dreams, you poor miserable little wretch! The Sandman cometh… for YOU.

  14. Rusty
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex recognizes the patient currently suing him for medical malpractice. Has he ever been portrayed as a surgeon? I assume his life-saving techniques are limited to some basic CPR.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    New PCK is now up!

    It’s a radio record hop! …Which leads to some actual hopping.

  16. Getafix
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    JP: “I know what you’re up to out here. And without your camera, you’ll NEVER be able to prove the existence of the secret pot farm that’s in plain sight right below the scenic view pull-off up the road a few miles! Heh, heh, heh, the advantage is MINE!”

  17. McManx
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    M Worth — Oh my, its Steve the wounded warrior from Gil Thorp. He couldn’t get to first base with Molly, but now he’s about to encounter the sex-starved Dawn. This is going to be brutal… in a good way, that is.

    Garfield — Odie has been reading Marmaduke in the local funnies, and following the example of his hero, has stuffed the closet with the skeletal remains of his victims.

    Marmaduke — It looks as if Marm’s tennis ball disintegrated in his intestinal track. By the expression on his face, he must have a basketball following it.

    Rhymes with Orange — This is either the most funny or most raciest comic ever.

    Family Circus — “Oh no, dear. You weren’t begat, you were spawned…”

  18. Aphthakid
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Funky: Not to mention that the Superman walking storyline has been over for better than a year now and the entire universe was subsequently rebooted so it never happened in the first place.

  19. TheDiva
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    FC: Ah, that magical moment when you discover what the Song of Solomon is really about. (Mystical union between Christ and the Church, my aunt Fanny…)

    FW: My understanding (thanks to the good people at Son of Stuck Funky) is that the Superman arc in question has problems beyond the author giving up on it, which makes it very appropriate for this particular strip.

    H&L: I think what Chip is saying is that his date is demanding, cries over every little thing, and creates a variety of bodily messes.

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Luann – I love the way that both Luann and Brad unquestioningly go along with Toni’s “logic”. You can see why TJ latched on to this family. None of them have enough common sense to find their ass with both hands.

    I”m willing to give 3:2 odds that it is TJ yelling “freeze” from off-panel here. He has a scheme to get the letter back. “Brad, you run to the ATM and withdraw all your savings. Luann, get your parent’s car keys. Toni, I have a job for you to perform, too, while we wait. This will get you ready to siphon the letters right out of that mailbox.”

  21. Cletus Forester de Rothschild
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    In 1998, Despair Inc introduces their best Demotivational poster: “Mistakes: It Could Be that the Purpose of your Life is to Serve As a Warning to Others”

    14 years later, Herb and Jammal tries to poach the joke and flubs the delivery.

    Sounds about par for the course.

  22. Remmy
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    9cl: pass the vomit bags…

  23. The Ghost of Jarrod
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MT: Who is that kid in panel 3?

    Luann: If this ends with Toni, Brad, and Luann locked in a federal penitentiary, it will all have been worth it.

  24. Midtown
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Sammy Slade? Is that the best that the Alliterative Name Generator XL4000 can come up with? Time to trade up to the new 5000.

  25. Marc
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    9CL- This is where to producer, fed up with all of this bullshit that ruined his show, presses the button that drops those two horndogs through the trap door into the alligator pit.

    A3G- Trust me Greg-o, you don’t want to tour the city with Lu Ann. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. She has yet to master the intricate differences between the little guy and the hand on the crosswalk signals, so getting hit by a car is probably inevitable.

    Funky- Mopey Pete looks like he’s pretty close to blowing his brains out instead of facing the ultimate shame of missing a comic book deadline.

    Luann- It appears that these three idiots are more susceptible to the shouting of strangers that a certain forest dwelling, shapeshifting troll.

    Mark Trail- Speaking of Rusty, I’m having a hell of a time trying to figure out what is happening to his body in panel three. Besides Sassy shrinking down to an even smaller size, Rusty seems to have had his body somehow both compressed yet blown up to be much bigger than his surroundings at the same time. Maybe that’s punishment for not wiping off your shoes before entering the most well kept, abandoned cabin in the world.

    Mary Worth- It’s Dawn’s lucky day because she’s found an even more pathetic sad sack than herself. Only a mopey transexual with a pinned up sleeve could possibly rival the girl with the orange stripe down the middle of her hair, who does her hospital volunteer work wearing a purple suit.

    Snuffy- So what she’s saying is that they’re currently churning the inaugural batch of “I can’t believe it’s not Dinah”.

  26. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Cletus Forester de Rothschild (#21):

    Probably the best of the demotivational posters. Not a day goes by that I don’t refer to the wisdom of that observation.

    I have a previous employer who decided to put a number of the Motivational posters up on the walls. Never a good sign. I was able to replace one with a framed version of the “Negative Example” one from Despair. Noone behind the original decoration effort ever noticed.

  27. Crankenstank
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    The Superman arc is like Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley crossed with Harry and Tonto. All you need to now is that it’s a grumpy old man trying to rediscover an America that never was. Superman is, after all, 74 now. (Hey, Funkerbean Enterprises, Inc., great crossover possibilities to depict Crankshaft as Clark Kent.)

  28. Oregonian
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Gotta disagree with you, Josh. I love the idea of Superman walking across America! I especially like the way the transcontinental story arc builds to a dramatic climax in a Portland, Oregon coffee shop before descending to an inevitably disappointing epilogue in Seattle. That’s what America is all about.

  29. Ned Ryerson
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    FC: I think what Josh is saying is that Dolly’s inner dialogue goes something like:

    I read all about the scourging and the crowning with thorns and I could viddy myself helping in and even taking charge of the tolchocking and the nailing in, being dressed in the height of Roman fashion. I didn’t so much like the latter part of the book, which is more like all preachy talking than fighting and the old in-out. I liked the parts where these old yahoodies tolchock each other and then drink their Hebrew vino, and getting onto the bed with their wives’ handmaidens. That kept me going.

  30. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Baldo: What you don’t see because they zoomed in to a two shot in panel four, is Baka Gaijin chasing that clown while wielding a giant sledge hammer.

  31. Mark B.
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s a good thing Rusty remembered his knapsack, because when you’re running away from crooks who are trying to kill you, you don’t want to leave your arrowhead collection behind. Of course, something really unlikely might happen, like the crooks trying to shoot Rusty and the bullet ricocheting off an arrowhead in his knapsack, and then Rusty won’t look so stupid. Nah, I take it back, there’s nothing in the world which would make Rusty look less stupid.

  32. Horace Broon
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    FW: Ah, Superman: Grounded. The story JMS wrote between the one about the spider-god avatar who happened to be called Peter Parker, and the one about the homeless girl who happened to be called Wonder Woman. As the podcast House To Astonish put it “Why can’t he just write the characters he’s been given?” The best bit of Grounded was when Chris Roberson took over, and had all the other characters point out how stupid it was before revealing Supes was being mind-controlled.

    JP: “Oh. Well, in that case I guess Bubba will have to kill you.”

    MW: It’s hard to be sure, but is that Dr Drew in the background of panel two, studiously staring at the wall? “Oh, God, Dawn works here now? Don’t make eye contact, she hasn’t seen me…”

  33. TheDiva
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: And the rest of the week is going to be hand-porn, isn’t it?

    C’shaft: Well, otherwise he’d have to bitch about his own shoddy work, and we can’t have that, now can we?

    GT: *kiss* Goodnight everybody!

    Luann: “You have to let Quill declare his love on his own. If you make the first move, you’ll be a terrible hussy and we’ll have to humiliate and mock you for it.”

    MT: Upon taking a hostage, the poacher leaves the door to the cabin wide open, leaves his captive standing less than ten feet away from it, and hopes that yelling at him will bring him back. But to be fair, I don’t think I could buy Rusty outsmarting his captors unless they were at least this stupid.

    MW: Dammit, what is it with all the amputees on the comics pages? (And of course, Dawn will be rewarded for gaining perspective on her breakup with Dave with a shiny new boyfriend, because being single even for a few weeks is not an option for a Charterstone Wife.)

    SM: Oh noez, Mary Jane has to put aside her personal life and concentrate on her performance, just like every actor ever.

  34. Mark B.
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    DT: Sam Catchem’s chin testicles are especially prominent today.

  35. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#14): RMMD: Rex recognizes the patient currently suing him for medical malpractice. Has he ever been portrayed as a surgeon? I assume his life-saving techniques are limited to some basic CPR.

    I haven’t been following the strip that long. The only medical technique I’ve seen Dr. Morgan perform involved using smelling salts to cure a drug overdose.

  36. Illustrator Steve
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MT – “HEY, kid! I didn’t know you knew how to fly! Here, catch this rifle and while your flying how’s about shooting us one of them bighorn sheep up on that old mountain over there!”
    “NAH, I told Doc I was gonna find some arrow heads, and dammit, I’M GONNA FIND ME SOME ARROWHEADS IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!”
    “Suit yer-self, kid. HERE, catch this old arrow head as the last thing you do!” (((BLAM!)))
    (Sassy): ARF! ARF-ARF-ARF! (translation in human speech): “FREE! FREE AT LAST!”

  37. Buck Ripsnort
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    As I recall, the “Superman Strolls Across America” storyline was soooo hated by fans, JMS was sacked from the book, rather than unable to complete it. So yeah, it IS a perfect storyline for Mopey Pete.

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Frazz: I felt pity for any elementary youngster by that name that read this, but then I realized that no one of that age reads the comics.

    9CL: *snap* and Amos is an impotent parapalegic. o wait, this isn’t FW. nevermind.

    A&J” d’awwwww.

    AD: Schultz save me, I’ve giggled at AD twice in a week. someone shoot me.

    Lio: and thus, my campaign was scuttled.

    PBS: guest-starring that egg from US Acres that I refuse to look up.

    SBp, Retail: ayup.

    JUMBLE: Love Is. . . .smacking fuzzy balls with rackets.

    RwO: /double facepalm with headdesk.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . . .the end of the Jail-Bait Wait.

  40. Dood
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: All right, Rex and June are gettin’ into a big yellow taxi. Don’t it always seem to go…that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone…

  41. Ed Dravecky
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Hang on, Mopey Pete is the amazingly talented (and not at all mopey or fictional) Chris Roberson? I call shenanigans.

  42. Illustrator Steve
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MT – I’ve heard of a disfunctional household, but this is the first disfunctional neat and tidy well kept abandoned cabin that I’ve ever heard of!

  43. Jamie
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    RE: Superman

    I used to read Superman comics… when it was about superheros… I just read the wikipedia article about the walking… Who reads this crap today?

  44. nescio
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#23):
    “Luann: If this ends with Toni, Brad, and Luann locked in a federal penitentiary, it will all have been worth it.”

    —>Unfortunately, it won’t end with them locked in a federal penitentiary. Once they’re locked up, we’ll be subjected to several weeks of T.J.’s wacky plan to free them.

  45. casino LF
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    FW & ASM: This Lord of the Late is about as threatening as Clown-9. They should team up and take a page out of the Dennis the Menace low-level-menace-ry manual, vaguely annoying people on commuter trains by talking loudly on cell phones and causing a small delay to make the commuters about ten minutes late to work! Bwa ha ha! Then they can hang out at Starbucks and take up a table all day while just drinking one coffee each! MANIACAL.

    MW: Cool, a FW crossover! Becky knows that life is brutal, and so does her golden-maned twin.

    RMMD: Ugh, all I’m going to get out of this is a free cab ride. LAME.

  46. Illustrator Steve
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT – As Rusty trips over the Jackelrod ball and falls flat on his face, Sassy breaks free from Rusty’s grip and runs back to the caring SHEEP KILLERS who gave her food and water. After the SHEEP KILLERS put her through training she will start her new life as a SAVAGE SHEEP KILLING ATTACK DOG!

  47. Little Guy
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Meta: Okay, I was there at the Dawn of the Third Age of Mankind, but I don’t get the “Babylon 5″ reference…..

    Luann: It better be TJ, because if it’s some random cop who will charge the group with tampering before they even tampered the box, I’m done.

  48. Little Guy
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#47): Wait…. *squints* he looks like JMS?

    Joe has a thicker white beard and moustache, but good catch.

  49. Dartpaw86
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Online comic book reviewer Linkara humorously reviewed said Superman comic in all it’s horridness.

    There your education for the day :D

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Feral Canadian (#3): …but maybe when he falls flat on his face he will let go of Sassy and they can escape a little quicker.

    Pronoun trouble. Try: “and she can escape a little quicker.”

    @Pozzo (#9): So help me, Pozzo, I thought of Willie Lumpkin too.

  51. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#47):

    “Charge the group with tampering before they even tampered the box”

    This occurred to me, but then i realized that these idiots would probably confess everything and then try to talk the cop into helping them.

    If the cop agrees to go along, then you can be well and truly done.

  52. Esther Blodgett
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    FC: I never noticed that the word “begat” is sort of onomatopeiac. Now I can’t stop noticing.

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Slylock – I heard a rabbit purr while I was petting it one time. Up to then, I had no idea they did it. (Cruiser was the greatest rabbit of them all.)

    Snuffy – You shore can’t mess wif tradition!! Thus ends the brief flirtation wif not havin’ ever bless’t strip end with lolling “yak! yak!” tongues.

  54. Alter Ego
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    love is… when you’re more embarrassed by public celebration of your birthday than by public display of your birthday suit.

  55. Illustrator Steve
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    MT – I wouldn’t be surprised if they find out that the clean fully renovated freshly painted cabin they broke into actually belongs to Kelly Welly. After all, it makes sense that she would maintain a cabin SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE near the Trail compound so she could keep tabs on Mark when he stops by his home a few moments each year when she’s not sneeking off to hang around him while he’s away on his Fists-O-justice vigilante rampages.

  56. Ian Beste
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#29): Put on some Ludwig Von.

  57. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Dick – Where are the Dickies? I wanna go Bowling with Bedrock Barney! (Pretty murky sound — lyrics here.)

    Garfield – It should have been a closet full of walnuts.

  58. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I previewed — then I changed it and it POST.

    Learn from my mistake.

  59. Dartpaw86
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#49):

    btw I forgot to mention that the introduction before the review starts goes on quite a bit.
    (If anyone actually is interested)

  60. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Mark – Rusty didn’t stop when the guy said STOP. He didn’t come back when the guy said COME BACK HERE. That leaves the man no choice but to use a still bigger lettering size and say KID, TURN AROUND AND RETURN TO THE CABIN!!

    Marmaduke – “Whenever Marmaduke loses his balls, it reminds him of that time at the vet’s.”

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Hell Week at the K-9 Corps.

    tiny mastiff. *squee*

    smug caracal is smug.

    I .gif you all an ikkle panda.

    how Poteet gets the channel changed.

    Herp? (corgi)

    Carpe Feetum!!! (seize the socks!)

    another intelectual corgi for bb,u.

    lolsquee. . . .

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    and lolsnark!

    mmmm, curry. (for the Rocky Horror fans.)

    fashion accessory for bb,u.

    your childhood, ruined.

    I’m not sure why I think Sequitur will this, but I thought of him immediately.

    awesome chainsaw art. *bogglez*

    Howl’s RV.

  63. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Mary – Hey, Dawn! If you sit on the pinned up side, you won’t have to worry about getting elbowed.

    Mutt – Ha ha what’s a keyhole?

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]


    for Sequitur.

  65. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Pearls – “Oh, I am a chickie who lives in a shell,
    And I will not hatch. I will not hatch…”
    —Shel Silverstein

    Family“Mommy, did you and Daddy get this Bible before or after we were begat?”
    “It was a wedding present, so it must have been after Billy and before the rest of you.”

  66. Canine Companion
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    WAIT A MINUTE — Avery felt into the pot field yesterday? Judge Parker has spent more than a month of dailies and Sunday covering the vaguely homoerotic nonevents of a single less-than-24-hour period? This goes beyond just phoning it in, Woody Wilson — more like a scribbled note on the back of a receipt and stuck to a Mike Manley’s windshield with a piece of gum-ing it in.

  67. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y246): The other one.

    @Droopy Says (#y256): I think you could get the first part of that wish, but after that, Dirk will doubtless turn way too helpful.

    @Mr. O’Malley (#y259): Now you can only mail packages at a Post Office. Because the terrorists won.

  68. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

  69. Steve the Pocket
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I don’t get what’s supposed to be going on with Mopey Pete. Is the comic claiming that, in the Funkyverse, he’s the one who wrote Superman: Grounded and not J. Michael Straczynski, and he’s still embarrassed about giving up trying to finish it? Or is he thinking back to that and worrying that the same thing will happen to him? Frankly, if I got a job with DC, I’d be less worried about abandoning a series like Superman: Grounded and more worried about starting one.

  70. Hogenmogen
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    FW: Yeah, that’s a Westview store clerk for ya, actively trying to talk potential customers OUT of a sale by depressing children with their jaded worldview.

  71. AndyL
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Jamie (#43): Who still reads Marvel/DC comic books?

    A small and dwindling audience. They squeeze the life out of this audience by producing comic-books with tighter and more interconnected continuity. Forcing the true-fans to buy more and more books.
    The side-effect of this is that it basically cuts off all possible new readers.

    But none of that matters at all. They make their money licensing their established characters to movies and video games. The actual comic sales are a drop in the bucket.

    I imagine one day they’ll print the comics and send them directly to a shredder, just so they can hold onto all their rights.

  72. Hogenmogen
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Maybe Mopey Pete can surf the SuperDickery site for inspiration.

  73. Here come the Judge
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    JP: I think it would be great if, like Bea, everyone in Judge Parker started calling everyone else by descriptive nicknames. “Shorty” and “Bubba” already fit pretty well- “Dicky” would be a natural for Sam. Of course, I guess Bea would have to be “Booby”…

  74. Uncle Lumpy
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Canine Companion (#66):

    A day in Judge Parker averages a little more than two months.

  75. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

  76. Victory Garden
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    From that angle, Toni could have been dropping a letter into the box herself. In Communist San Diego, letters mail YOU, or the police will know about it and yell FREEZE!

  77. Da Coconino Kid
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: What’s this nonsense about “Sammy Slade”? Panel 2 is clearly Geraldo Rivera … is he undercover to do a big expose on undertipping in the transportation services industry?

    (Also — at first glance, the “TAXI” lettering on the front of his cap looked more like “TART” … which sent my mind down this awful detour: I’ve heard of strippers who dress like cops or firemen … is the Morganverse so dull that taxi driver is considered exotic, dangerous and a fitting personna for a strip-o-gram?)

  78. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I checked out the “Des Moines” section of the Superman Walk Across America, and, um. Des Moines is more of a city than a town, honest. And insurance fraud would have been a better choice of malfeasance.

  79. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#78): So now that I’ve checked out the aliens from another world inhabiting Detroit, I think maybe Des Moines got off pretty easy.

  80. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Canine Companion (#66): But at least it’s been kind of a fun month, and we got to see a rather handsome skunk. By contrast, the past month of 9CL has been excruciating, and all we got to see were blithering imbeciles.

  81. Lefty FPB
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#9):

    Not only that, it looks like he got hold of some Pym Particles, as evidenced in the second panel.

  82. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#47): No, it’ll be worse. It’ll be a random cop who helps them rifle the mailbox in the name of True Love. Now that I’ve said it aloud, it can’t happen. Right?

  83. Canine Companion
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#80): I stay far, far away from 9 Chickweed Lane — ever since I passed out at a party there one night and woke up with sexhands Sharpied on my forehead.

  84. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38):

    The “US Acres” egg-chick was named Sheldon. Sad that I knew that WITHOUT having to look it up. Curse my near-total recall of useless information!

  85. sporknpork
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    So, essentially, everyone in the Herb and Jamaal world mentally writes witty comments to an audience of himself.

  86. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Lupin The 3.1415926th (#84): That could also explain the name of the egghead in The Big Bang Theory. Except I know he was named as a tribute to TV’s Sheldon Leonard.

  87. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#78): Unfortunately, to those in New York City, Des Moines is but a hamlet on a little river of the same name. How quaint!

  88. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#87): Speaking of hamlet, wasn’t that the name of the pig in US Acres? I don’t want to look that up either.

  89. Old School Allie Cat
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Luann – I bet it’s Dirk. Because Tiffany is too dumb to know about Federal laws, and Ann Eiffel is too busy making teeny bikini weenies.

    Gregggg Evannnnns likes his villains obvious.

  90. Hogenmogen
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    SM: Spidey is going to fight Chucklehead-9, an ordinary human of extraordinary annoyingness. Why is MJ worried? Thus far, the worst that Spidey has been threatened with is yet another embarrasing blow to his tattered reputation, and sadly no real bodily harm. Since he’s routinely taken on slightly more threatening villians dozens of times, maybe she should just trust in campy, deus-ex-machina solutions that seem to come so naturally.

  91. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#89): It’s probably the Colonel from Monty Python telling the cast to FREEZE! because this plot is getting too silly.

  92. Hogenmogen
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    H&J: Ludicroisly delerious smiles and heavy lidded eyes. Man, those guys are baked. What DO they put in that coffee?

  93. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Speaking of Superdickery, Mitch O’Connell has another batch of sick covery weirditude for your delectation and disapproval.

  94. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    MW: The guy has a sandwich! It’s Dawn’s soul mate!

    Unless it’s a new iPad that looks like a sandwich.

  95. billman
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Taking bets on this now but anyone who says that the FREEZE sayer in Luann is anyone other that TJ loses.

  96. billman
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    grr, “than TJ” carry on . . .

  97. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#93): Oh, and NSFW; NSFBG. Sorry for all the mental damage and firings before I could get this message up.

  98. billman
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    xkcd provides help for all you sociable but sports-indifferent mudges

  99. Hogenmogen
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Wow, a Superman plotline where he doesn’t fly. Sounds about as exciting as a plotline of David Banner NOT turning into the Hulk, or Peter Parker watching TV for a week or three. As a sequel, maybe Bruce Wayne will attend charity balls and bored meetings for six books.

  100. tb4000
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Josh, that whole Superman walk thing was supposed to be some kind of personal vigil he was taking because he suddenly felt he couldn’t relate to those he was helping by just flying around, saving them and then leaving. Yes, it was a weird arc.

  101. odinthor
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G. — ??? Margo has a heart?

  102. Hogenmogen
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#93): Who knew that the senior senator from Kentucky kept such a large stash of old (and often pornographic) comics lying around?

  103. This Guy
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Having just watched Linkara’s review of Superman: Grounded, I have to agree with him: the basic premise is legit. If Supes felt out of touch with the people he’s dedicated to protecting, getting a ground-level view for a while makes a kind of sense. Aaaaaaand then the actual story has him acting like a big, blue douchebag. Characterization fail.

    Oh, and I liked JMS’s Wonder Woman, but then, it’s the only Wonder Woman book I’ve actually picked up and read.

  104. Evan
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Ugh. Cartoons give us so few age cues as it is, it’s really unfair to give Chip’s date mom-hair. Unless, of course, Hi and Lois is about to get interesting – in which case, fire away, Oedipus…

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#67): Oh, that one! I had totally forgotten about her.

  106. A New Day
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Listen, comically-uniformed taxi driver from the imaginary mid-20th century, I’ve managed to avoid my wife’s attempts at emotional connection for decades, so what chance do you think you have?

  107. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#93): I gather that’s not the turtle-like senator from Kentucky?

  108. Snarkotix Addict
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MW – Why didn’t Dawn eat at the Diner? There’s a better class of clientele. And by better class of clientele, I mean kidnappers and fugitive waitresses.

  109. Paul1963
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    FW: If Mopey Pete is still stressing out over the script for an issue that came out over a year ago, he’s not so much “late” as he is “off the book.”

    JMS wasn’t kicked off the book, nor did he “bail.” He’d written a one-shot hardcover called Superman: Earth One, which sold in such large numbers that the DC braintrust told him to get to work on a sequel ASAP. This necessitated his turning over the monthly Superman and Wonder Woman titles to Chris Roberson and Phil Hester, respectively. “Grounded” was kind of a mess, but it had a nice little epilogue that was basically shitcanned the next month when DC rebooted their entire universe (“Hey, remember how last month those kids from the future said that Superman and Lois would always find their way back to each other? Well, now they were never married and aren’t even dating and they never will be! Enjoy!”).

  110. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#30): Baldo: What you don’t see because they zoomed in to a two shot in panel four, is Baka Gaijin chasing that clown while wielding a giant sledge hammer.

    “That clown” bears an uncanny resemblance to Pasquale Gumbo from Rose Is Rose.

  111. Ned Ryerson
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I just watched an episode of The Rockford Files* where the cabbie was decked out with a TAXI cap like that. She alerted Jim that someone was tailing him.

    *you probably need to have over the air tv and use one of those .2 channels to find this (or perhaps your cable provider has it stashed somewhere in your channel listings). The source is something called the ME TV network: Shows from the 50s-70s loaded down with lots of commercials for Medicare supplemental insurance policies, and Diabeetus testing supplies.

    BTW, Jimbo already knew someone was following him. He told the cabbie not to bother trying to lose them. He was comforted knowing where they were, plus she was probably just gunning for a bigger tip.

    Also, does anybody know of a nice publicly accessible beach on the California coast with a parking lot where I might just plunk down a beat up ol’ mobile home and live rent free? Looking back, it seems like ol’ Jim Rockford should’ve gotten harassed more by zoning enforcement people than all the various street toughs and hoods that constantly showed up at his door forcing him to “take a ride” with them at gunpoint. [/off topic 70s TV rant]

  112. Marc
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#101): Hopefully it’s just a saying. Like rama lama ding dong. At least I hope that’s how she means it, because if Margo really does have a heart, my whole worldview is shot.

  113. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Now this means I have to give him a tip,” Rex broodily thinks to himself.

    Gil Thorp-Oh look two members of the opposing teams have found each other.

    Gil Thorp 2-Talk about going balls deep.

    FW-No. I can’t think thoughts of Superman wearing plastic body armor and dating Jimmy Olsen. It should be Wonder Woman he dates.

    FW 2-And here we learn the secret origin of DC’s “New 52? as told by Batiuk.

    MT-”Kid stop. The forest isn’t safe. It’s full of dangerous poachers who know how to shoot people.”

    MW-Dawn will fall in love with this guy because he has amazing sandwich skills just like her father.

    Spiderman-More tougher than pretending to be in love with a man whowould trade your marriage for the life of his elderly aunt?

  114. Dood
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: So, Mr. McFeely is working two jobs these days, driving a taxi and offering Speedy Delivery?

  115. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#99):

    …or Lothar using “magic” and Mandrake muscle power to fight crime . . .

  116. Snarkotix Addict
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MW – Huh. I’m not convinced that guy has a right arm, either. Maybe both sleeves are pinned. But then how is he holding that sandwi… oh… nevermind.

  117. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 12th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Hope you folks don’t mind me making some milk deliveries while I drive you. I’ll stop the meter.”

    H&L: What does Trixie know about Chip’s lines? There’s really no happy answer to that question.

    FC: Funny how “beget” rhymes with “regret”, isn’t it?

    MT: The organ-selling poacher urgently calls out to Rusty to come back, and Rusty doesn’t do so. So we can add something to the very short list of “Things Rusty Trail isn’t stupid enough to do.”

    MW: Pinned-up sleeve? Wonder if this cutie is a high school bandleader.

    Ziggy: I’ve heard the adage “If it tastes like fish you’re eating it wrong” but I don’t want to think about it in connection to Ziggy.

    C-Shaft: It’s not so much making it easier as giving him someone to browbeat. You should know this, Jeff.

    Agnes: You know, this piece might actually warrant a slot at the next Whitney Biennial.

    GA: Wait, the junk yard is on vacation and Slim’s truck still got pancaked? Is there a vigilante car crusher running around? If so, he just became the most interesting character by default.

    DT: Bedrock PC Works. If you want your computer to have a pelican as a CD-R drive. “It’s a living!”

    DtM: The hygienist stares at Dennis with clinical fascination, unsure whether this grotesque specimen actually just spoke to them.

    Luann: “Okay, that was our first improve exercise of the night. Now we’d like the audience to call out the names of comics that are actually good, and our players will try to do the next scene in the appropriate style.”

    S-M: MJ is right. She can’t ruin the show. We’ve seen the dialogue. It is literally impossible to ruin this show any further.

    A3G: So what are you trying to say, Greg?

  118. Mincemeat
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]


  119. Snarkotix Addict
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Okay, so what happened to Professor Propofolous?

  120. Baka Gaijin
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#30): “…is Baka Gaijin chasing that clown while wielding a giant sledge hammer flame thrower.” FTFY.

  121. seismic-2
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “You saved my life a couple of years ago! You cancelled my appointment, and I had to go see a different doctor!”

    H&L: “Almost as cute as you! You know, when you do that thing of slobbering your meal all down your chin, smashing your hands into your dinner plate, and then pooping in your pants!”

    FC: “We got that Bible after your were born, Billy, because that’s when we turned to God. Before that, we were followers of the demon Pazuzu, and you were in fact begat on his altar, which explains a lot.”

  122. Downpuppy
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Canine Companion (#66): Remember Peaches? They were ready to mail the contract on June 2nd. It was May 10 that Sam said “Avery Blackstone is coming here today”, so we just passed 4 months earth time to 24 hours strip time.

  123. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#107): O’Connell is the clip-art-like cartoonist. Mc’Connell is the [redacted] Senator.

  124. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#110): You’re right. The clown runs like Pasquale too. Rose is so funny when she dresses up Pasquale.

    @Baka Gaijin (#120): Thanks. You would know better than I. New at this year’s State Fair. Fried Pasquale on a stick.

  125. Doctor Handsome
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Which part is too awful for Pete to contemplate: the kid buying a comic he knows will almost certainly suck ass, or the comic shop proprietor going out of his way to discourage customers from buying stuff? Both are just really more dumb than frightening.

  126. m1ngle
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to have to break this to you Rex, but the Charlie Sheen role in Two and a Half Men has already been filled.

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#32): I guess Roberson could have made it even more pointed by saying that Superman had been mind-controlled while watching a Babylon 5 DVD box set.

  128. UncleJeff
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#93): Those comic book covers are hysterical…..but I wonder if, just maybe Fredric Wertheim was onto something.
    Or, maybe the artists were baiting Wertheim like the ‘dudgeons bait Batiuk.

    BTW: when did Fred Bassett get as big as Marmaduke? In today’s strip, Fred’s spiking a volleyball.

  129. Santa Royale With Cheese
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    S-M: There’s NO people like SHOW people, they smile when they are lowwwww…

    Also: Why show when you can tell?

    FW, specifically the upthread stuff about Superman walking across America: It really drags out when he starts /piano riff

    Walking in Memphis… walking with his feet ten feet off of Beale…

  130. Señor Tortilla
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: The fact that MW is known to take cues from Funky Winkerbean does not encourage me in the slightest.

    Zits: Was he born yesterday? Surely even a modern 15 year old would know what a stamp is.

    Spider-Man: To me it looks like Mary Jane is dressing up some trashy prostitute, and the play involves some sort of live sex scene. At least that way her dialogue at the end makes sense, sort of.

  131. Doctor Handsome
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Haha, the kid said, “begat!” That totally constitutes a joke! It’s so funny, I don’t even notice that it makes no earthly sense for him to care when the book was purchased in relation to his birth! “Begat.” You slay me, Billy!

  132. Peanut Gallery
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – “Remember me? I’m Yosemite Sam!”

  133. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    H&J: “Herb?” That’s too specific. It should be “that diminutive, moustached, restaurant-owning partner.”

    Let’s keep the continuity going.

  134. Baka Gaijin
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#124): I’m intrigued and mildly aroused.

  135. Pivitor
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    No no, the worst part was that that Superman story ended over 2 years ago and Funky Winkerbean is acting like it’s still ongoing or something

  136. Sequitur
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#132): I am all for Yosemite Sam showing up in a Rex Morgan plot line.

    Datburned idget doctor!

  137. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    FC-After giving birth to you four demonic melon heads your parents found religion real fast.

  138. Doctor Handsome
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    “Herb’s life is worthless, except as a cautionary example. I spend all day every day with him, and our lives are essentially the same, but I still feel pretty smug about the whole thing.”

  139. Dood
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: “Yessir, I’m Sammy Slade and taxing is how I get paid!”

  140. Peanut Gallery
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    H&J – The way it’s written, it seems to me it’s saying: Herb has dedicated himself to living a meaningful life. This strategy obviously results in disaster. Thus, Herb has voluntarily sacrificed his own well-being in order to serve as a living demonstration that it’s a terrible idea to try to live a meaningful life.

    But I guess that’s probably not what it was supposed to mean.

  141. Canine Companion
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#122): Maybe the slow, end-of-summer pacing can be explained by Sam having already been shot in the head — executed in ditch ‘longside Copperhead Road — and even now, as the bullet burrows through his brain at 900 feet per second, setting off a crackling cascade of neurotransmitters, his mind lovingly lingers on this languid, limpid last day spent with Avery…

  142. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Think this is the “Return of Dirk”, anyone?

    MW: Enter “Big Hunky Blonde Guy”…

    RMMD: “Yeah……and suddenly, I wish I hadn’t!”

  143. Doctor Handsome
    September 12th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    “I DO remember you, Sammy. I missed my tee time because of your bullshit hemorrhaging. I oughta kick your milkman-lookin’ ass.”

  144. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

  145. Doctor Handsome
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Panel 2 of FW was how I felt about The Killing.

  146. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#87): Hmm. Maybe Des Moines is better off being “quaint” than being depicted the way NYC is depicted in A3G, 9CL, and S-M.

  147. SurrealKangaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    At first I thought the girl in Hi and Lois was Lois with miscolored hair.

  148. gleeb
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    ‘bean: And another thing. Does this, then settle the current chronology of Funky Winkerbean? After all the jumps, and time travel, and magical invisble-deadwife-white-courtesy-telephone-calls, life in Westdeath is happening about a year ago?

  149. Dennis Jimenez
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#148): Lisa used to make invisble-deadwife-white-courtesy-telephone-calls….

  150. commodorejohn
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    How disconnected could Superman possibly get when his alter-ego is a workaday news reporter who would, by the very nature of his job, have to interact with plenty of people? Hell, I’m more divorced from the day-to-day life of most Americans than that, and you don’t see me taking off on some walking tour of rediscovery.

    Yeesh. I get the feeling that superhero comics are several generations deep into the “old fans take over the production and immediately start canonizing all their old fanfics” spiral, known to gamers as the Sonic Team Problem.

    A3G – Nice burnt-orange shirt, Luann. Didja get it from 1965?

    A&J – Aww.

    DT – How sad is it when you have to turn to a criminal to get tech support that doesn’t involve wiping your hard drive to “restore the computer to factory condition?”

    FW – Gripping.

    Garfield – Odie is content because he’s murdered all his enemies and stuffed their skeletons in his closet.

    JP – “Well, gee, I was only going to steal your camera. Guess now I’ll have to kill you. Smart move, boys.”

    Luann – Please, God, let them go to prison.

    Mandrake – Should we come back in a week or so, Mandrake?

    MT – I’m not the only one thinking of the bicycle scene from E.T., am I? Who knew that Sassy sheds pixie dust?

    MW – Oh, an immigrant from Funky Winkerbean!

    SF – Dear God, I hate to think what the wedding night must’ve been like.

    Shoe – You’re confusing your Steves, kid. Woz was the wiz with the circuit boards. St. Jobs the Unerring worked in the Realm Ethereal, trafficking in Ideas, and never knew anything about such (eugh) corporeal stuff. (Couldn’t program either.)

  151. casino LF
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#148): Westdeath?!? CANCERVIEW, I SAY!

  152. Canine Companion
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @casino LF (#151): I vote for the more inclusive “Deathview.”

  153. Paul1963
    September 12th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Canine Companion (#152): No love for “Smirkington?”

  154. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#122):

    Yes, but in those 24 hours Avery has managed to:

    Skim, then sign, a multimillion-dollar movie licensing deal
    Meet Sam and then come to the conclusion that he is the most genuine person he knows and someone he would trust with his life
    Fall in love with Beatrice
    Take a roll in a pot patch
    Escape a vicious tame skunk
    Develop a business plan to invest in Bea’s resort

    The plot may be idling, but Avery is a whirlwind of activity.

  155. odinthor
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    #150. commodorejohn.

    [...] to get tech support that doesn’t involve wiping your hard drive [...]

    Wait a minute. You mean there’s more to tech support than wiping one’s hard drive, copying one’s porn personal files, and stealing the links to the on-line reservation pages sites of one’s paid companionship dearest friends (not necessarily in that order)?

  156. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#123): Can’t be redacted soon enough for me. Metaphorically speaking.

  157. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#130):

    Zits: Was he born yesterday? Surely even a modern 15 year old would know what a stamp is.

    One viable reading is that Jeremy is being deliberately useless. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  158. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    FW-”Why? The writer didn’t finish it and neither did DC.”

  159. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#33): 9CL: And the rest of the week is going to be hand-porn, isn’t it?

    Yes. On stage. Under the spotlights.

  160. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @casino LF (#45): This Lord of the Late is about as threatening as Clown-9.

    Agreed. A truly evil procrastination villain would have our hero doing something other than clutching his hair at the computer, such as cleaning the toilet or reorganizing the spice rack in alphabetical order… no, by date of expiration… no… by size and shape of jar… no, by color of lid…

  161. Dale
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#157):

    Jeremy is actually looking, rather than making a sandwich or drinking the things under the sink.
    Why would anyone keep their stamps in the kitchen unless they do their correspondence while sitting in the kitchen?

  162. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    FW — Mopey Pete really is his actual name, isn’t it. Oy. I read a children’s book decades ago that included an underwater world full of sad sacks called “Pitiful People” who constantly felt sorry for themselves and who sang a kind of anthem with the lyrics (yes, I still remember them), “Such pitful, pitiful, pitiful people are we/Our troubles are greater than anyone else’s could be.” But they couldn’t begin to compete with FW.

  163. Downpuppy
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#154): The important part is that we’ve gone 100 days without Peaches, Abbey or Sanchez, other than a one panel phone call or 2. Manley must be having a fit.

  164. CanuckDownSouth
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#161): meh on the kitchen – stamps, address labels and envelopes are exactly the kinds of things that kitchen junk drawers attract. But doesn’t he see stamps on Christmas card envelopes at least? *sigh* He didn’t used to be written this stupid-clueless.

  165. bats :[
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#121): re RMMD: you know, we give Rex a lot of grief.
    That’s all. I was just making a statement.

  166. seismic-2
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is Dawn going to date a one-armed man? This is finally a Dawn-centered plot arc that sounds promising. Remember The Fugitive.

  167. Chip Whittle
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#130):

    Zits: Was he born yesterday? Surely even a modern 15 year old would know what a stamp is.

    Yeah, because he would have grown up writing letters to his friends…well, not so much that. Or at least seeing his parents pay bills…well, no, that’s done online. Well, sending out packages…er…no, you buy them online and Amazon worries about postage.

    The last book of stamps bought at the Whittle household here lasted over 18 months, and that got used up just because I went on a deliberate postcard-sending frenzy where I used postcards I’d bought at other tourist attractions to send on a trip that went near none of them. If I didn’t get into ironic postcardery it might have gone two years or more crying out for attention.

  168. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#165): HAR!! Rex was originally staring at Nikki in that third panel, I’ll bet.

  169. Poteet
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#160): You somehow installed a hidden camera in my house, didn’t you?

  170. Comcis Fan
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    FC: It’s good to have a friend like Dolly in college. If she’s a girl who can find the sex parts of any book, then she’s probably also a girl who can find the phallic symbols in any magazine ad — which my best friend and I spent hours doing back in the day.

  171. Arabella
    September 12th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#131) True. The whole “joke” is a kid saying “begat” which is number 5896 of things that a kid would never say. The rest of the sentence makes no sense whatever. Not many people are going to waste a refrigerator magnet on this one.

  172. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    MT – Based on the size relationship of Rusty’s head and feet, he still is able to wear his baby shoes. In fact, he just might be wearing a pair that Mark had bronzed. That’s probably why they’re a tad uncomfortable, if Rusty actually noticed things like that. Wait a minute. Mark have Rusty’s baby shoes bronzed? Somebody slap me for even thinking that.

  173. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    MW – Egad! Another amputee who has never heard of prosthetics. This one with his sleeve pinned. C’mon, didn’t these people watch the Olympics? Christ Almighty, one of these guys with carbon fiber legs is gonna jump the pole vault without a pole and we got characters in Gil Thorp, Funky Winterbottom and now Mary Worth grimly dealing with missing limbs. I betcha they have grenade launching arms available now. How about a new telescoping unit with 110 functions programmed into it? THAT would be a great story.

    But nooooooo…we got another pinned-sleeve guy. At least he did a good job applying his eye makeup.

  174. Perky Bird
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps Superman has to walk across America because the FAA finally determined that spandex leotards do not meet Federal airworthiness requirements.

    September 12th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Bea is a large-breasted, trashy, rural woman of a certain age who grows acres of primo choom weed.
    I may be in love.
    Bea, once you finish feeding these two city idiots to the pigs, let’s get together and have smoke and see what happens.

  176. Peanut Gallery
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    MT, panel 1 – Rusty, you should never drink from a bottle labeled “DRINK ME.”

    @McManx (#17): (MW) – Dawn: “Excuse me… I just wanted to shake the hand of a golfer and say thanks.”

  177. Dood
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: “Whoa, Doc, careful with the briefcase! Good thing you gave me a set of brass ones, amiright?”

  178. commodorejohn
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#175): Get in line, buddy.

  179. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – “They call me DOCTOR Morgan, Slade, and don’t you forget it. I saved your life once but I can reverse that very quickly.”

  180. Marc
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#173): Don’t forget the brainless, one armed, pinned sleeved sports writer who nominated Crankshaft for the bumfuck sports hall of fame.

  181. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Garfield-Wait until the skulls fall out. Odie’s been interning under Marmaduke.

    MW-I don’t see another chair at the table. Where are you going to sit, Dawn? On his face? Are you going to sit on his face?

    Zits-Jeremy’s really retarded isn’t he? They treat him like he has normal intellegence but he’s really retarded. Right?

  182. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Well I hope you know me. This is my comic strip after all. You see that name up there. That’s me, Rex Morgan.”

  183. KreatureFeatures
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#60):

    Rusty didn’t stop when the guy said STOP …

    bats :[ didn’t field this one, so I’m giving it a shot:

    Rusty complies with only the loudest commands

  184. Peanut Gallery
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#93): Thanks; those are hilarious!

  185. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#154):

    “Yes, but in those 24 hours Avery has managed to:”

    You forgot one: actually making JUDGE PARKER non-ironically worth reading for a while.

  186. Pucacodog
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    I know it’s a little late in the day to be asking, but can anyone PLEASE explain the “joke” in MG&Grimm to me? I am bewildered and flummoxed. Does “feline” mean “gay” in the Goose household?

  187. commodorejohn
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Pucacodog (#186): That’s as much as I could make out of it. Is this a subculture slang thing, or just a baffling out-of-nowhere gay joke?

  188. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#128): Those comic book covers are hysterical…..but I wonder if, just maybe Fredric Wertheim was onto something. Or, maybe the artists were baiting Wertheim like the ‘dudgeons bait Batiuk.
    As my friend Mike says — when we’re watching an old cartoon and suddenly a bunch of alley cats are sucking each other’s tails, or when we’re confronted with casual, unthinking racism that would shock today — “It was a simpler, more natural time.” These covers even make a sort of sense if you have the same stuff in your head that everybody did in the time and place these cartoons came from. Now, the really violent/gross/explicit ones are from overseas, intended for adults only, and not that old. I remember finding a place that sold Thai comic magazines, and was struck by how grossly violent they were, and how much of them consisted of actual tracings of Playboy cartoons.
    Was Dr. Wertham right? Pfui.

    @Señor Tortilla (#130): Surely even a modern 15 year old would know what a stamp is.
    Only a Tramp Stamp, since it’s Jeremy.

    @Doctor Handsome (#131): It’s funny because the kids think “begat” is a specific form of child abuse their parents engage in.

  189. commodorejohn
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#187): And by “joke” I of course mean “‘joke’” with finger-quotes in full effect.

  190. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#187): feline, female… there’s your joke

  191. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#173):

    If Doctor Octopus ever moved over from ANEMIC SPIDER-MAN to FUNKY WINCEWITHPAIN, MARY WORDY, or GILT TRIP he’d have to consent to get an amputation and menace with only five arms.

  192. commodorejohn
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#190): Well that makes even less sense.

  193. seismic-2
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    MW: So has Dr. Jeff been treating hangnails again?

  194. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Pucacodog (#186): I think the yellow dog character thinks “feline” means “female” or “feminine”. And of course all females like “Sex in the City”. Women, amirite?

    Gay? I don’t think of MG&G as being the kind of strip that makes gay jokes. Plus, I never got the vibe that SITC was a particularly big thing among gays, but, could be.

    Really lame joke either way.

  195. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#190): Beat me to it, but you are right, I think that’s all it is.


  196. Dale
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#164):

    In the case of ZITS, Connie could be preparing her mail while sitting on the crapper with Jeremy in attendance.

    I wouldn’t keep my stamps in a kitchen drawer unless the kitchen is were I handled my mail.
    Most of the stuff in my “junk” drawer is actually an important selection of screwdrivers.

  197. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Ah yes. Sam Slade. I remember you. Now let’s never speak of the operation or of you again.”

  198. A Woman of a Certain Age
    September 12th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#190): @Nehemiah Scudder (#194): On MG&G — Really? Is that all there is to it? I guess I should be relieved that there’s no “SITC and cat” subtext that I was unaware of. So hard to keep up with pop culture these days.

  199. demoncat
    September 12th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    rm rex expression is saying so i saved your life get to the point either kill us or just take our bags and drive to the airport. fc mother kene is hidding in the next room for she does not want to explain to the kids how they were spawned and they used that bible hoping god would make sure the kids would not come into the world

  200. SideshowJon
    September 12th, 2012 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    Mopey Pete’s Pineapple-brand computer is a subtle reminder that everything in their universe is harder, more troublesome, and more painful than their mirror in ours.

  201. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#188): One of my prize possessions is a first edition “Seduction of the Innocent,” by Dr Frederick Wertham. It is very fashionable to knock the hell out of the guy, and he went many steps beyond base logic with some of his assumptions (trust me, when I was ten and reading Batman, I was NOT picking up on homoerotic subtext) but you only have to reread those old Vault of Horror books to see some very sick stuff, about which he was probably correct.

    Anyway, it is a really cool book to own if only for its social context (and the illustrations.) The chapter on women in bondage and “headlights” (breasts) is a hoot. The doc would have a field day with Judge Parker.

  202. The Ridger
    September 12th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#173): Given that he doesn’t seem to have any stump, a prosthetic would be impractical, merely cosmetic to fill out the sleeve.

  203. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#202): I am very much in favor of cosmetic improvements. Apparently so is he, based on those gorgeous eyelashes.

  204. sully
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Now, Trixie will stew in her own fetid feces, ala Marvin, while Chip throws it to whoever she is doggy-style in Hi and Lois’s bed. Damn, I wish these strips went beyond 3 panels.

  205. Illustrator Steve
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    MT – And now, for the big moment, this year’s Annual National Cartoonist award for best O.O.P.* comic strip goes to……..(suspence builds)…..JACK ELROD! (music, applause, cheers and standing ovation…stage curtain falls on Jack).


  206. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    MT-Wait! We need to swap insurance information.

    MT 2-Wait! Where are you going? I was going to make espresso.

  207. Archivalist
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Wait…a taxi driver is actually helping put the bags in the trunk? I suppose next we’ll be treated to happy and laughing maids at exclusive resort the Morgans will patronize?

    And Rex’s look in panel 3 MUST BECOME a t-shirt. Make it so.

  208. Liam
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”For recognizing me, Sammy, I must kill you now.”

  209. MWDG
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: It is worth it to increase your screen size to see
    1. The carnival geeks at the table in the background of panel one
    2. The flesh colored “appendage” in front of the transexual in panel two.

    Dawn looks like a typical teen in her purple ployester pantsuit and pearls. I pity any nonambulatory paitent who is forced to listen to this miserable b!tch’s saga. Maybe this blond guy can be Wilbur’s boy toy.

  210. endless sky
    September 12th, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @MWDG (#209): Thanks for the tip. Isn’t that Gina at the background table in the first panel? I’d know that ponytail anywhere!

  211. commodorejohn
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    So Detective Scott got shot in the head, and it impaired his judgement enough for him to marry Adrian. Now Blondy McMascara here has his Conspicuously Missing Arm. Does Mary just have a thing for setting girls up with grievously injured men, or what?

  212. UncleJeff
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#165): Even better than the real thing

  213. Dagger
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    “What do you mean you can’t lavish me with undeserved gifts or payouts on your cab driver’s salary? All right, I SUPPOSE a fare-free ride will be OK. Sigh.”

  214. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    I’ve had a rough (not bad, but rough) few days, but one thing I can always count on: Mark Trail to make me laugh with delight at the sight of Rusty . . . well, I’m not sure exactly what it is that Rusty’s doing there, but it’s damned funny.

    (And queek, I needed that wine purse to get me through the marathon meetings today!)

  215. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    In Mark Danielewski’s brilliant novel, House of Leaves, there is a very creepy house where the interior dimensions exceed the exterior’s. I submit to you (because I am currently doing a very bad Rod Serling imitation) that the poacher’s cabin in the woods is similar to Danielewski’s oddball abode. Interior shots indicate a building about the size of a gymnasium while the exterior looks as though it would fit in Rusty’s backpack.

  216. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 12th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#89): Luann – I bet it’s Dirk.

    That’s my hope. Maybe Toni will try to explain what they’re up to with the whole “don’t tell a guy how you feel because you want him to declare his love on his own” shtick. Dirk buys it, declares his love for Toni, and she takes off with him, leaving the dweeb-sibs standing there. In the dark. In front of a mailbox. With not a clue about what to do next.

  217. seismic-2
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    OK, this is confusing, but I’ll try to untangle it. First of all, Mopey Pete has apparently replaced Michael Stracyznski as the writer of the “Superman Walks Across America” story arc, which means that Pete is the Batiuk-verse version of real-life comics writer Chris Roberson, right? OK, now here’s the convoluted part. In trying to explain today’s FW on his Comics Alliance blog, Chris Sim notes that last year when Mopey Pete was in deadline pressure on writing Superman, Sim actually had the real-life Chris Roberson comment on that particular FW story line for the blog. Here is what Roberson said back then about Mopey Pete and The Lord of the Late:

    Wow, that’s just… just BEWILDERING. If I SQUINT I can almost see what he’s trying to say here, but even leaving aside the question of whether it’s FUNNY or not, it barely makes any sense. A comic scripter is facing writer’s block and a looming deadline, which he then combats by… PROCRASTINATING? Um, okay, I guess.

    Bizarrely, though the villains that confront him appear to be the product of his own imagination (maybe?) the mastermind behind it all actually exists? So in the world of Winkerbean, there really is a guy who bedevils writers and tries to make them miss their deadlines? Or is the fact that his next target will be “the guy who writes Crankshaft” mean that we’re actually reading some kind of metacommentary? Since Winkerbean and Crankshaft exist in this same universe, AND this “Lord of the Late” seems to regard the Crankshaft strip as a work of fiction, doesn’t that mean that Funky Winkerbean is fiction, TOO? So the Lord of Late is bedeviling a fictional character from OUTSIDE that fictional world? But typically the only person in a position to do that is… the WRITER. Is the Lord of Late some kind of Jungian shadow for Batiuk himself? (Which would make “Pete Roberts” simply an aspect of Batiuk, as well.) Perhaps in the course of these strips, Batiuk is playing out some kind of psychodrama, in which the various aspects of his fractured psyche war with one another, with his negative impulse being not to create at all, and his most positive urge being simply to get the work DONE, and quality be damned!

    Whoa. My head hurts. I think I need a drink. This comic may be deeper than I realized.

    But as a HUMOR strip? I don’t know, man. Is this stuff actually supposed to be FUNNY?

    It will be interesting to see Roberson’s reaction to this current FW thread, if indeed he is willing to express it.

  218. dooby
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#217): That’s heavy, dude.

  219. tallyHO
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    // sorry I didn’t get to read half of the comments. I intended to reply to a few, too.
    But, like some wise man once sang*: “time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’…”

    Two Bear Pluggers, clothed, running with panic-stricken looks on their faces, muzzles agape, each looking over their shoulders.

    One Bear, wearing mens’ casual wear, holds hand of other Bear, wearing womens’ casual wear, as he pulls her along. They are running across a meadow away from some trees. An abandoned pick-i-nick spread is left behind them.

    When one Plugger begats another Plugger, they are likely trying to get a way from an angry swarm of bees!

    Thanks To:
    Uncle Hillbilly Pumpkinpoker from Whiskey Creek Bunker, in Undisclosed Location, U.S.A.

    *and, like Homer Simpson basically pointed out: no one should lie to people in song.

  220. Jason1981
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: This is what happens when/if Gotham becomes safe. Commissoner Gordon becomes so bored that he takes on a second job as a taxi driver.

  221. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#201): I have the British edition. It was cheaper. My library had the US edition (no real differences to speak of), and I checked it out and read it, and wondered if everything was really all that horrid. I was impressionable enough to entertain the possibility.

    Now I’ve read quite a few of the ECs, in bound volumes and such. Those are actually (as Gaines said) somewhat restrained in their way. Have you ever seen the cheap imitations? They had no standards at all, some of them. No neat irony, no cosmic justice (or injustice), just meat grinders. And for the most part, Wertham didn’t seem to pay any attention to them — he just went after the ones who had better production values.

    Wertham seems to have started out with good intentions (and he wasn’t looking to kill the horror comics, but thought there should be a rating system — which, admittedly, would have killed the horror comics), but after his first best seller, The Show of Violence, he needed that thrill, recognition, and money that came from having a best seller with book club audiences and a lecture circuit, and did it with a monstrous after-because fallacy similar to one of the arguments they still use against legalizing pot: “A bad person read a comic book, therefore, comics make people bad.” Such a one deserves scorn and mockery, even if he did say nice things about fanzines in the 70s.

  222. hibbleton
    September 12th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Shit. This guy knows me. Now I’ll have to tip him.

  223. danny boy
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Longtime reader, RARE poster (under other names)

    but this is, pound for pound, and line for line, maybe the funniest Josh reading day (in density) of all time. You’re nailing it, Joshy boy! Keep up the great work!

  224. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#221): An interesting byproduct of comic collecting is that Wertham’s book was swept up in it and, because of its relative rarity, became valuable. You are correct, also, that the good doctor took advantage of his ironic rise to fame among fanboys.

    //One of his other books is titled “The Brain as an Organ.” Never read it but I love the title. What is the alternative? As a doorstop?

  225. JudoThrowToy
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#187): I’m glad that I wasn’t the only one completely befuddled by the “joke”. Now, if someone could just explain Herb & Jamaal to me . . .

  226. No Boxcar, Slylock
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    MISbegat, I’d say.

  227. pastordan, snark late shift
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Amazing Spider-Man: <Chuck Norris voice> Oh, no. My darling husband is in mortal danger. How, oh how, will I ever go on if he’s killed by an insane clown? Guess I’d better clench my fists and smirk. No one’s going to do it for me.</Chuck Norris>

    Apt. 3-G: I witnessed a conversation today between a woman with Asperberger’s Disorder and a “neuro-typical.” The content of the conversation was exactly like any other, except the woman with Asperberger’s spoke flatly, tentatively, almost as if her mind was elsewhere or there was something else she wanted to say. That’s how I imagine this conversation is going.

    Family Circus: Oh, big deal, Dolly. There’s smut all over the Bible. It’s terrible. A blind squirrel could find it, let alone a sex-obssessed neurotic like you.

    Judge Parker: 1. Speaking of sex-obssessed neurotics, is it just my imagination, or has Bea suddenly lost weight, except in the bazoombas? 2. No, Avery, nobody goes by the old pot field anymore. Not since the ghost of Old Man Smithers started showing up. But by all means, you and Shaggy take the Mystery Machine and go check it out.

    Mark Trail: Use the rifle, Johnny Cash!! The rifle!!

    Mary Worth: Well, it looks like it’s going to be blonde and fascist, not talldarkandhandsome. I’ll bet you he ditches her for her roommate after only two or three weeks of creepy, awkward panels.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Rex in panel two reminds my of nothing so much as Brock Samson after the release of a major killing spree. “Oh yeah, I remember you. That wasn’t a scalpel I was using, you know. Why don’t you tell me how much you hate Zep again, and I’ll show you.”

  228. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @No Boxcar, Slylock (#226): Yeah, I read that book, “Moon for the Misbegat.”

  229. Anonymous
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    I think Billy is trying to goad Mommy into admitting that she knew it was a sin when she and Daddy fornicated, which is why they begat these demon spawn. Judging by the expression on Dolly’s face, Mommy’s about to find out that the horrors they’ve endured up to now were but a prelude.

  230. Chaze
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Ma and Pa Keane found Dolly to be much more manageable after the lobotomy. But they had difficulties dealing with that “where’s my cookies gone?” look that remain pasted on her face.

  231. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#227):

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Rex in panel two reminds my of nothing so much as Brock Samson after the release of a major killing spree. “Oh yeah, I remember you. That wasn’t a scalpel I was using, you know. Why don’t you tell me how much you hate Zep again, and I’ll show you.”

    For the rest of the week I’ll have to read Rex’s dialogue in a low Patrick Warburton rumble, just to see if it improves.

  232. pastordan, snark late shift
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

  233. This Guy
    September 12th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @danny boy (#223): Oh, danny boy, glad I caught you. You had a call from… let’s see… some pipes. From glen to glen and down the mountainside, I think. They said to tell you that the summer’s gone and all the flowers are dying, and to call them back before Friday.

  234. Sgt. Stoned
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: Hey, one-armed guy, if you’ve got legs—RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

    MT: Why don’t you guys just try shooting the kid from a moving plane with a rifle. That always works.

    BB: Ms. Buxley, consider this: if you marry Beetle, Hi Flagston will be your brother-in-law and Lois Bailey Flagston your sister-in-law. Do you really want to get mixed up in that?

  235. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 12th, 2012 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#227): [Re: Spider-Man] It actually works better if you read MJ’s dialogue in a Reince Priebus “Angry Drunk Guy” voice.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#231): Ditto for Reince’s ADG voice.

  236. Alamo Divot
    September 13th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    I look at the funny comic strips and expect a laugh.
    —- I get nothing.

    I look at the drama comic strips and expect a story.
    —- I get nothing.

    I look at the satirical comic strips and expect wry humor.
    —- I get nothing.

    I look at Cul de Sac.
    —- And I laugh. I see a story. I see wry humor.

    I am saddened by its leaving much like My Cage.
    —- Only the good die young.

  237. Maggie the Cat
    September 13th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    LOL… I love your sum up of Rex’s panel-3-face. Spot on, my friend.

  238. Droopy Says
    September 13th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: How does Jameson know Spiderman has a bum ankle? Did he read Parker’s thought balloons? Or has his hatred of Spiderman reached the point where he has to critique every part of his foe? “He’s got a bum ankle! And a lame brain! And a feeble funny bone! And do you see any evidence that he shoulkd cal himself Spider-Man?”

    FU, W: So, did some comic-book artist call Batiuk uninspired, thereby inviting this outburst? “Uninspired? I’ll show you uninspired!”

    Jugs Parker: Avery thinks Bea is a dangerous criminal, but he’s still risking his life to recover his camera. Either he’s an idiot, or there are other pictures on the camera that make it worth risking his life here. Either way, Sam should run out of the cabin, while Bea and Avery act like a couple of aerial poachers.

    Mark Trail: Run, Toto, run!

    Mary Dearth: Jim wept that he had no arm bones, until he met a woman whose head was all bone.

    Pluggers: Like a Plugger would know what a Segway is. Like a Plugger would buy a huge lawn-mowing machine that didn’t let him sit down.

  239. Maggie the Cat
    September 13th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    9.13 Mary Worth- Sorry, Dawn. Unless you were hoping to find a sassy, gay, one-armed sidekick, I think you should find another seat in the cafeteria. Jim’s pointing in panel one sent my gaydar off.

  240. Comcis Fan
    September 13th, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    MW: Jim may have only one arm but by golly, it’s a marvel! It’s giving a horsey ride to a little man in a suit! It is a day of firsts for Dawn!

  241. bats :[
    September 13th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    MT: WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO! The return of the flying puppy! We haven’t seen this since, oh, May 2009!

  242. Cal
    September 13th, 2012 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    9CL: “I just proposed before an audience of 3000 people. Dry-humping my girlfriend onstage the whole time. I can never beat that. Or the lewd conduct charges.”

  243. tallyHO
    September 13th, 2012 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Please no one hate me for making fun of the Sacred Strip, Mary Worth!.

    Dawn is about to eat lunch with a no neck-tied, one-armed, purple people person.

    @bats :[ (#241):
    Fly. Fly, fly away!

    Ok. Seriously, on Rusty “tripping over a log”, I call B.S.

    Hello, B.S.. Yeah. This is tallyHO…of the Westward HOs….yeah, that’s me. We met at that pool party…yup. the one with the Salmon Squares! What did you call them? That’s right. You said they were delicious. Oh, B.S., you old, you!

    So, did Rusty really trip over a log or was he just trippin’?

    uh hunh. I see. Hunh. I hadn’t thought about that.

    Hold on. I’ll take another look at it.

    You’re right. The Sheep Killer Brothers are running in the opposite direction.

    What’s that? Get out of town! No Way! You are saying that prior to Rusty visiting the Indian Mounds he consulted with “Dear Wendy” and got an instant reply? “Dear Wendy” told Rusty,

    “If you ever get in trouble for being where you don’t belong, don’t blame me, don’t say I didn’t tell you to stay home. If you get caught, go fly a Puppy Kite and dont’ come crying to me again! Now Amscray, “Rusty”, it that is indeed your real name!”

    For Reals, B.S.? I could see Wilbur Wilburson telling Rusty to stay home, eat a sammich and then, after waiting a half-hour, go fly a Puppy Kite. But, his substitute, Dame Mary Worth? I dunno. She seems like she would have wasted Rusty’s time with banal questioning, asked him to repeat his Life Goals (finding Arrowheads) and it would have taken him weeks before he got around to searching for those arrowheads.

    B.S., old pal, old chum, I don’t know if I trust you to be square with me.
    Oh. Good point. You are often “Delicious”. Who could argue with that?

  244. tallyHO
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Werdz O’ Wizdomizin’ by Mistospher Trendy*

    Many a man done tol’ me tah “grow a pair”!
    Walp! I dids. And, she done took ‘em, planted ‘em and tried to grow a whole garden o’ Good Fer Nuttins!

    If I’ze wanted anutter pair, I doubt she’d part wit ‘em. Ta tell da truff, goin’ inta the pickle jar pantree gives me the willies! Not cuz it is filled wif’ pickled pairs, mind ya. It is jus’ cuz it sounds like sumptin’ she’d order me tah do!

    *My name is tallyHO and I don’t approve of this message!

  245. tallyHO
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    A Rebuttal to “Werdz O’ Wizdomizin’ by Mistospher Trendy” by Mephistopheles McCoy

    Now, I ain’t sayin’ the Debbil made him do it, but, he done alienated an entire votin’ block o’ Hootin’ Holler.

    Don’t worry none, ladies, I got this taken care of!

    That ain’t no can o’ worms Ol’ Lukey and Snuffy are tradin’ from panel-to-panel. Nosiree, Bob! Thas a Can O’ Worms ™, Debbiled Worms!


    I’m out!

  246. Poteet
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    MW — “My name’s Dawn. And please don’t mind this strange purple outfit and bizarre hair. I lost a bet yesterday.”

  247. Barto
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m wondering how many more wrinkles could possibly be drawn into a cabbie’s outfit. I salute you, Mr/Ms comic artist person!

  248. tallyHO
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    Gee whiz!

    What prepicklement I find myself in now.

    No sooner than when I posted those two pieces did I hear from a PR firm.

    Apparently someone named Margo McGee representing the Can O’ Worms ™ Soup Corporate Headquarters sent along this message:

    “Dear Mr. tallyHO,
    It has come to our attention at the Can O’ Worms Soup Company that you are disseminating scandalous accusations about our flagship product, Can O’ Worms ( tm ).
    Our product may not be a market leader, by any stretch of the worms. True, there was one isolated incident when the Pea Soup variety has caused vomiting when someone was consulting an Exorcist. But, after a lengthy settlement with the FDA, we have proven that the rest of our line of Quality, Delicious Can O’ Worms ( tm) products have filled the bellies of many hungry people over the decades.

    So, if you would please refrain from sullying our products good name. It has been in no way involved in anything related to Satanic Occurances. All our products are is “Delicious”!

    Good Day, sir!”

    So, I call B.S……..

    //g’nite, gracie!

  249. Poteet
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft — Way to go, Crank. Most of Ohio is still in a mild drought, which makes it even less responsible to wash a lawnmower every time you cut grass in the first place and to do it on the driveway in the second place so all the lawnmower droppings will run down into the storm sewer and pollute the nearest body of water. You’re a real sweetheart.

  250. Poteet
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    LUANN — Please tell me they aren’t still going to break into the mailbox. I thought I was past getting seriously pissed off at this strip.

  251. Uncle Lumpy
    September 13th, 2012 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Hey, Poteet — today is the third anniversary of the death of Norman Borlaug. Greatest human being of all time, and a hell of an Iowan.

  252. Droopy Says
    September 13th, 2012 at 4:25 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#250): I want to know if Evans has ever looked at a mail box. All the ones I’ve ever seen are designed to be tamper-resistant. The top door isn’t just hinged; it’s a solid metal plate that pivots halfway down its length. Pull the handle down to deposit a letter, and the rear section of the door blocks the letter bin. You put your letter on that, close the door, and the letter drops into the bin. It’s an amazingly simple way to keep morons from committing a felony by stealing the mail. (That is, when you can still find a mail box. The only ones I’ve seen lately have been outside post offices, for after-hour use.)

    As part of this multilayered stupidity, why haven’t Tony Baloney and Piggyface talked to Luann about this “disaster?” Or is that going to be the big surprise, with Piggyface slowly realizing that Luann has in fact done something abnormally intelligent non-moronic?

  253. tymime
    September 13th, 2012 at 4:33 am [Reply]

    Maybe Superman just decided to walk because he felt like it.

  254. gleeb
    September 13th, 2012 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Aha! The Good Cloud will sucker someone else into doing his work for him! Also, “Good” Cloud and “Black” Cloud? What’s up with that, Batiuk?

    Luann: The hell? I’m learning a lot too. Like, Greggums has never met a member of the police.

  255. Little Guy
    September 13th, 2012 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#47): Luann:

    I’m done.

  256. CanuckDownSouth
    September 13th, 2012 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Luann Somebody please tell me that no police officer would be so dumb – a child could see through this. And even if intimidated, there’s calling up the chief firefighter for verification, or just sticking around to “watch the ‘inspection’ “.

  257. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    September 13th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#88):

    Orson. D’OH!! Oh, curse this font of unwanted U.S. Acres knowledge inside my skull!

  258. The Central Scrutinizer
    September 14th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    So Herb is a wrang-wrang, but I always thought Herb and Jamaal were a duprass.

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