Ted Forth, the reluctant john
Marvin, 3/27/08
Yesterday, several commentors noted that Marvin and Bitsy (yes, Marvin’s dumb dog is named “Bitsy”) were conversing not with their usual thought-balloon-based psychic powers, but in ordinary word balloons denoting normal audible speech — or as normal as any such speech can be when being uttered by a baby and a dog. Naturally, because this is Marvin, I assumed that it was a result of the strip’s general slapdash halfassery, rather than than some momentous change in the inner universe of the characters. But today, we see that Marvin can in fact speak aloud to adults in complete (and rather pompously phrased) sentences. Why? Who knows? Who cares? It’s Marvin. At least they’ve quietly dropped the stupid text speak.
For Better Or For Worse, 3/27/08
Gosh, Liz, I wonder why it doesn’t feel quite right? Maybe because this whole process has involved you letting go of your own hopes, dreams, ambitions, wants, and personality, and now are just being buffeted along by everyone else’s opinions? Or maybe you’re talking about the dress itself, with its built-in whalebone corset, which feels very much not right as it jabs into your ribs.
Gil Thorp, 3/27/08
Hey, everyone, would you like to get ready for taco casserole at home? It’s easy! Here’s how:
- Dump a dozen hard-shelled tacos, with your choice of cheese, ground beef, salsa, and vegetables, into a saucepan.
- Pour in four cans of cream of mushroom soup.
- Stir over medium heat until mixture becomes a more or less undifferentiated, vomit-like mass.
- Pour into possibly leaky brown paper bag; hold sideways.
- Never, ever eat again, because the process has been made forever repellent to you by your experience with “taco casserole.”
Sally Forth and Pearls Before Swine, 3/27/08
Hey everyone, it’s a Sally Forth-Pearls Before Swine crossover! There’s very little I can say that would be funnier than Sally Forth writer Ces Marciuliano’s original blog post on the subject, so you should just go check that out now.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I always thought Sally Forth was hot. Maybe not Blondie hot, but certainly hot.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Look out for the FOOB/FC crossover, with a zany grandma’s ghost mixup. Hilarity ensues.
And by “hilarity,” I mean “the death of all that is holy and good in the world.”
March 27th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
GT: I’m confused, and that’s a fair question — just who the heck is she again?
March 27th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
In honor of the comics from a few days ago, I present to you all A DUCK IN A BUCKET:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y185/Ridureyu/duckinabucket.jpg
Cute, ain’t he? Now I’m a real artist!
March 27th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
#1 Bryan – I’m not sure about “hot,” but Sally’s certainly attractive enough, and definitely not “homely.”
March 27th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
FBOFW – Not that we should be expecting realism amidst this hamhandedness, but are we supposed to believe that Dee did not bother telling Elly that she had Elly’s mother’s dress?
Will Elly not see it until the wedding? (making the assumption that she won’t even be a prt of Liz’s dress-shopping)
You know, if at some point it was even acknowledged that Elly was somewhat overbearing and Liz was trying too hard to please everyone else, it could get interesting.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Foob: Doesn’t feel right? Having an old, moldy wedding dress thrust at you with the obvious understanding that you will wear this on your wedding day, regardless of the fact that you just might want to go out looking for a dress that suits you and your style never feels right.
And frankly, nobody asked Gram’s permission to shove the old thing into the crawl space in the first place. I hardly think this is some special family heirloom to anybody but Deanna (who chose her own gown for her satantic nuptuals to Michael).
Yesterday’s strip. April, nobody asks to be a bridesmaid. You are asked TO be a bridesmaid.
PBS: Soo funny! Thanks for posting the “permission requested” correspondence link. Made the strip even better!! Suddenly I have new respect for the creation of Sally Forth — the strip is lame, but the artist seems awesome.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Wow, how’d I get here so early?
Anyhoo, I’m sure the FOOB dress is going to get a lot of comments. Some reasons the dress might not feel right: missing buttons, covered in mouse shit, holes chewed out of random places. I will leave the rest for those of you more skilled in snark than I.
Taco casserole: I propose that the cream of mushroom soup be halved so we can add a few cups of sour cream in there. That’ll help shit congeal in no time!
(Is that Andrew’s real dad, by the way? Who the heck are YOU, sir?)
March 27th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
It seems that Ted’s been doing a fine job of emasculating himself lately.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Who the heck says “who the heck” these days?
March 27th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
#1 Bryan & #5 Commodorejohn: I always thought Sally looked like Sigourney Weaver in “Working Girl” (with a little more flip to the ‘do). But Ted’s certainly no Harrison Ford.
Trask….radio. Trask radio!
March 27th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
The fact that Ted’s depiction in “Pearls Before Swine” is an original bit of “Sally Forth” artwork begs the question: How come he appears to be less than 5 feet tall? Either Pastis hit the “70 percent” button on his Xerox machine, or this is a cel from that ’80s TV show “Ted Forth: The Teenage Years,” in which Ted learned lessons, played in a band, and had to choose whether to take Sally or Veronica to the homecoming dance.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Yesterday, we had Darryl (sp?) from Baby Blues, and today we have Ted Forth. Tomorrow will be Dagwood asking for a nice deli.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
8. JP (not Judge Parker) –
HEY! Who stole my recipe for Taco Casserole Supreme!?!
March 27th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
GT – and here I was thinking of my mother-in-law’s taco SALAD, which involves lettuce mix, onions, peppers, ground beef, italian dressing and DORITOS. (Compared this this, my wife thinks I’m a fabulous cook, being that I’m not actively trying to triple her cholesterol count)
Perhaps the Lady Mudlark could respond with, “Who are YOU? Haven’t seen you around here the last few weeks while we’ve been raising your children.”
Anyone else find it amusing that for the first time in, say, ever, Marty Moon isn’t being demonized – because he commited a felony?
March 27th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
#10 – Nice Guy:
Fuck if I know
#12 – BigTed:
I think Pastis drew that himself – though I did notice he was awfully short. Would like to see him side by side with Darryl from Baby Blues
March 27th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
“No Country For Old Men: The Musical” Would be awesome.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
FOOB 3/27: Liz! Stop! Don’t do it! You need to spend a few hundred bucks on your OWN dress, which you’ll wear for a few hours and then stick in an attic crawl space somewhere for sixty years!
March 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Marvin speaking out loud in word balloons?? Look for Garfield to start speaking out loud, too.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
My fondest dream is that Liz won’t be wearing the dress. She’ll have to spring for a maternal one b/c she’s pregnant with Anthony’s spawn.
Or, in a hairpin turnaround, she will angst about being pregnant at her own wedding, but Hallelujah: lil Anthony Junior will pop out three weeks before the wedding date, so she’ll be able to wear the moldy dress after all!
Snuffy Smith: Sammich!
March 27th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Marvin and Garfield speaking out loud — the horror, the horror! (Well they’re horrible already, I mean the horror would be greatly increased.)
March 27th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Funny how this was all planned out last Oct. but seems so timely in light of the recent Spitzer scandal. Maybe Stephan also asked Elliot to get caught to lend some relevance to the strip. Way to go Stephan!!
March 27th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I still can’t believe they actually kept the fricking TXT SPK for more than a one-shot gag (which incidentally sucked like a vacuum cleaner in Castro).
March 27th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
As far as “taco casserole” goes, it might be something like this or this, but given that it was made by a high-school student, I expect it’s just Crunchy Taco Hamburger Helper with Frito-Lays sprinkled over the top.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
SF/PBS: After reading the blog post, I would say that my respect for Ces Marciuliano – before this post known to me as only ‘whoever the jack-off is who writes Sally Forth’ – has gone up infinitely, since of course I had no respect for him until now.
FW: Do you know what would be more interesting than thinking of the couples who’ve met at Montoni’s over the years? Not thinking of the couples who’ve met at Montoni’s over the years.
JP: Well I guess they have to be brothers-in-arms, given their cumulative lack of legs.
MW: Mary also took note of the gawd-awful interior decorating, and vowed to emulate their style for the rest of her life.
RMMD: Can’t the health inspector come up with a better pick-up line for Rex than ‘let’s join a MRSA task force together, big boy’?
Spider-Man: Man, that guy in the green suit is persuasive! They should give him a nickname to that effect.
Luann: Toni must have decided to give Brad a chance after reading that study saying that females with ugly husbands have better marriages.
Fred Bassett: HA! Kids are better with technology than adults! What an original idea!
FC: Worst…grandma…advice…ever.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
The Gil Thorp and the FOOB strips are two perfect examples of the agonising predictability of the serial soap strips. It makes my brain spasm.
As I said in the yesterthread, this has been driving me nuts for a long time. It reminds me of the evening I was at a friend’s apartment watching Star Trek Enterprise. Once I saw the first five to ten minutes of the episode, I was able to predict accurately how the story would unfold and how Trip would save the day by improvising a repair to the warp coils etc, etc. This type of thing had happened so many times, it just all ran together. I couldn’t even tell you what episode it was anymore. I’ve either watched way too much Trek over the last 40 years or the creative fire had gone out very much like the strips we snark about.
It makes me crazier because the old guard strips could be better with some wit, imagination and effort. Doonesbury with the B.D. stories have been really good. His character has developed a lot over the last few years. In my mind he’s gone from annoying to sympathetic and in a real way. The world he understood has radically changed, and he’s trying to come to terms with that. I give him credit for the effort. Imagine what it would be like if the old guard strips stopped phoning it in and put some real effort into doing something worth reading? Less to snark about and more to appreciate perhaps.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Loopina, regarding your question from yesterpost, Granthony’s fat, ugly, bucktoothed, ill behaved date to Shawna-Marie’s wedding who made Lizardbreath look so saintly, pure and attractive by comparison is named Julia.
“Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia”
March 27th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
#27: Thanks! I didn’t feel like slogging thru months of back-foob to find her.
Did she ever function as anything other than a deus ex machina? I don’t remember seeing her around the garage, but I thought she was supposed to be a co-worker.
In the Foobiverse, it is forbidden to have opposite-sex friends unless they are:
1) Safe – either ugly or gay
2) Destined to be one’s betrothed
3) Both.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Josh, shouldn’t the PBS strip come first in the continuity?
TORONTO MUDGES:
If any Mudge in Toronto plans on attending the Ad Astra convention this weekend, reply to me on here, as I have an invitation for you to attend my chocolate party Friday night. It’s invitation only, not an open party, though at the rate the con is going (out of 30+ I know, barely 3 are attending), I might get half the Friday membership come in…
Anyway, I’m off to pick up some chocolates in Montreal, so I’ll be back late tonight and reply then.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Sally Forth – Most importantly, I think we’ve all learned one thing today….. Ces is hot!
March 27th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Marty Moon: “…I didn’t say one untrue thing. Now no one can follow me around saying ‘liar, liar, pants on fire.’ “
March 27th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
To: Elizabeth Patterson
From: George W. Bush, Leader of the Free World
Ms. Patterson,
I would like to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials with Anthony Caine. And the wedding! My greatest wish is for you and your heterosexual fellow Canadiucks to live in blissful man-woman heterosexual relations for centuries to come.
Laura and I will be unable to attend your wedding due to our living in what is called the ‘real world.’ Granted, life in Washington doesn’t seem as real as the ranch down in Texas but it’s real just the same. No Charterstone pool parties for
Laura and ILaura and me. I see that you’re registered at Tim Horton’s. I’ll send my other wife, Condi, over to pick something up.I just have one favor to ask you. We’re living in desperate times. Desperate, needy times. Down here in the States we’re about to send everyone who works a check — I think you call ‘em ‘cheques’ — to go out and spend and get our economy working again. If you want to show true patriot love to your Canada, you should put your grannie’s dress back in the hole and go out for a nice white wedding dress at TJ Maxx or Kohl’s. Old is old, Elizabeth. New is money. Money good. You need to spend some of your teachin’ money on a dress to help out your economies. You spend money on a dress that allows Francine in the dress shop to buy a cedar chest which is cut down by Clem who drives a car into the woods to cut down trees and that car is fueled with Iraqi oil which is why 4000 of our patriotic men and women have died in the last five years.
Elizabeth, if you wear that dress, the terrorists win.
Again, I congratulate you on your upcoming wedding and hope — like good decent Christians — that you and Anthony will wait until afterward for the nuptials.
God bless.
W.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Both my aunt and my grandmother just took their dresses out in case my cousin wanted to wear them… both had yellowed. People just recently started doing things to preserve their gowns.
In other words, that attic dress is no longer pure snow virgin white for you Liz!
March 27th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
#26: It is painful sometimes to read the really bad strips and see the potential.
Why do we always read them? I guess we’ll never know. It’s like some kind of torture, to have to read this blow.
(with apologies to Statler and Waldorf)
March 27th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
One of the worst things in FOOB recently was to take Liz’ relatively interesting stable of boyfriends and make them all into jerks/stalkers, all in the interests of cleaving her to Mr. No More Mustache. First there was Paul, caught “cheating” on her red-handed (when Liz left his environs abruptly without much in the way of explanation), then there was the transformation of the relatively interesting Warren into a drunken 11 PM stalker combined with the corresponding an out of character transformation of Anthony from an insecure clinger to a tolerant understanding sensitive new age guy giving Liz his trust and her space (as if saving her from attempted rape by physical force weren’t enough, as it clearly wasn’t to the earlier Liz.) The only thing we’re missing, which I feel swinging down on us with the precision scything of old Mr. Bones himself, is an imprecation from her dead grandmother to fulfill her biological destiny and reproduce another generation of FOOBies. God save us from the ghost of Grammy Marion, please.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
SF – Well, Sally’s not exactly homely, but she’s extra bland. I think the frozen demi-smile she wears for every occasion would kill any romantic thoughts I had. How inspiring is it to be married to someone with two fewer facial expressions than “Cathy”?
March 27th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
FOOB: it’s all about subtext:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2366449767/
March 27th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
We’ve never really seen Sally Forth enraged, have we?
March 27th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
In panel 3, Marvin’s dad looks just like Jeffrey Jones [the principal] in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Brevity: This could be the caption to 67% of all Pluggers strips.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
(cough)
March 27th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Anybody know where I can get tickets to “No Country for Old Men, the Musical?” Because that sounds awesome.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Here’s something to ponder about the FOOB Granny wedding dress on top of the aging of the lace, the yellowing of the material, and the potential holes due to sheer age, mice, and moths. How in hell does Liz fit into that thing? As someone with a teeny bit of knowledge of vintage clothing, I know at the very least that it is hella hard to find jackets and dresses made in sizes that the average woman of today can easily fit into — because women today are taller and broader in the waist and shoulders than they used to be. It is next to impossible to find vintage clothing that is any larger than a modern size six, or made for a woman any taller than 5′5 or 5′6. And that’s pushing it. Both my grandmothers were teeny tiny when they married — both in stature and waist. And, to put it kindly, Liz has some womanly curves. To be more specific, she has an enormous ass. It is a marvel that she isn’t popping the buttons right off of that thing.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
37: bats : [ Great job, once again!
March 27th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Very Nice, Dingo and Bats :)
My turn now
A FOOB Wedding Primer
Part One of God Knows How Many
See Liz
Liz is engaged to Anthony
Big Suprise
See Dee foist Elly’s mom’s dress onto Liz
Liz is wearing a dead lady’s dress.
I think I saw a horror movie like that once
And changed the channel
Because there were no girls running around in underwear.
Anyway..
See Liz pray to Gram
Pray, pray, pray.
If I were Liz’ Gram…
(as portrayed by Kids In The Hall alumnus Scott Thompson)
I would tell Liz to stay as far away from Anthony and the Pattersons as possible.
And go back to Mgticktockticktock
(That’s the sound of Liz’ biological clock.)
But Liz is trapped.
Trapped, trapped, trapped.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Several points about FBOFW:
1) Well, Josh sure called the whole “Liz wears Grandma’s nasty old wedding dress” thing. He is a visionary. But a visionary who only sees evil, I guess.
2) At this point, doesn’t the whole Patterson clan just seems like they should be living on a compound in Montana? Robin would be trained in using automatic weapons while Meredith and Francie are groomed for their eventual marriages to others in the cult.
3) I came to the realization recently that I read FBOFW to intentionally get myself mad. What is wrong with me?
March 27th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
36–But, but, but…that’s true of TED, as well!
March 27th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Zits— Pierce is getting some boobie action from D’ijon. Boobs are an increasingly common theme in this strip. It’s disturbing, and I like it.
FBoFW— I’ve observed that FOOB has a tendency to make a lot of ‘Mudges throw up in their mouths a little. I have a strong stomach, so I figured that would never happen to me. Until today:
“Saintly look” + “Gram, I have no mind of my own, tell me what to do!” = retch ‘n’ heave! How much worse can this strip get? I guess we all know the answer to that one!
March 27th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Re: No Country, the musical.
As the orchestra swells, everyone sings along…
“Somewhere a him or her
Will be slaughtered by Chigurh.
Just another Plugger off-popped
By a coin-flipping mop-top.
As the darkness falls again…
I’m outta here, son!
This is No Coun-
-try for Old Men….”
March 27th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Where I’d like to see the Pearls Before Swine crossover motif go is to have Ed Crankshaft check in and subsequently be found hanged in his room, but I guess the whole point is it’s supposed to be something you DON’T expect.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
How much worse can FOOB get? Bd enough to call in a fool with a bad haircut to exorcise it from the catbox.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
good greif did anyone see beatle bailey today? it is soo dirty. sarge forced to watch otto “spank it” to “playdog’. and the cover of play dog has a chicken on it so i guess that makes otto a plugger
March 27th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Marvin: I do not care what changes they make, nor what new characters they introduce. There will never be forgiveness for Belly Laffs, Marvin writers. Ever.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
And that time the full bold is partially intentional.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
FOOB:There’s still one thing I don’t understand: Why is this all happening now? If it took this long just to get engaged, why isn’t this half of the storyline going slower?
Or maybe Lynn is on to us, and she’s rushing through all the strips so that we can’t be as witty and sarcastic as we normally should be.
Oh well, we’ll always have Pluggers.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
#52, you’re right, that’s just wrong. Playboy parodies got old a long time ago. If they were going to do it right, he should be humping his blanket to pictures in Dog Fancy.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
#55 Yaanu – The notion that Pluggers will outlive For Better Or For Milking This Cash Cow Until The Syndicate Finally Kills It cheered me up immensely. Thank you.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
FBoFW: I don’t know if I can stand to wait 15 years for “FOOB: The Next Generation,” when we see Dead Gramma’s dress worn once again, by Francie as she marries Robin.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
#58 blueberrygrrrl – Don’t you mean “by Meredith as she marries Robin?”
March 27th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
T.Fable from several yesterthreads ago: GOATS!
You’re welcome!
March 27th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
FBoFW – I can’t wait to see Robin yelling in the middle of the wedding ceremony, “Mewedith is seeing me!”
March 27th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Don’t forget Gwanma’s ancient dress is also spotted with foxing—those brown age stains that don’t come out, ever. This would be appropriate if Liz were marrying Count Dracula. Oh, wait. . .
March 27th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
#43 AJ. Your comment (and many other comments recently on the same subject) made me think of the scene in SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE in which Meg Ryan tries on the wedding dress (that her mother hadn’t given to the Historical Society)–the dress LOOKS okay, and even fits, but midway through the scene, the sleeve inset rips. Which says that it doesn’t fit all that perfectly, and that Meg Ryan is, indeed, bigger then the woman who originally wore the dress.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
MT: I thought my mother got rid of my bar mitzvah suit early in 1962, when she gave it to Good Will, but I see that Mark Trail is wearing it. It looks better on him than it did on me. If he looks in the inside pocket he may find the special yarmulke that my grandmother knitted for me, that was accidentally given away with the suit. And maybe the eighteen dollar check from my Uncle Charlie that we could never find, I think it fell through a hole in the pocket lining.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Apropos of nothing as usual: do any of you snarkers know what The Grand Concourse is?
March 27th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
In fact, Otto should be watching Animal Planet — the unrated version. Bark-chicka-bark!
March 27th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
One level up from The Pretty Damn Good Concourse.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Was grams still in the dress when they shoved it in the crawlspace? Maybe that’s why it doesn’t feel right.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
I’m shocked that today’s Beetle Bailey got nary a mention. Has any other strip dared broach the subject of canine masturbation? Besides Mary Worth, I mean.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
#69 Canine masturbation snarked on in previous thread.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
So, did Ces get the original artwork?
GT: Marty Moon, Spinmeister of Milford.
S4th: Hope they hold out for tickets for “There Will Be Blood: The Musical”. with the showstopping, “(I Drink Your) Milkshake” booty dance.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
#59 commodorejohn: Umm, ick. Actually, we do have a major problem here: Meredith is what, 4 or 5? and STILL hasn’t met her future husband? Liz and Anthony had better get with it quick and produce a male Patterclansman. Don’t worry, they can use artificial insemination.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Isn’t the Grand Concourse in Brooklyn?
March 27th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
#72: Don’t worry, Meredith will be taken care of. Doesn’t Gordon have a couple of kids?
March 27th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
#32 Dingo,
Thanks for unearthing that letter. I’ve got a serious case of the giggles now.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Marciuliano was awesome for sending the art. But actually arranging for Ted to visit a hotel concierge on the same day as the gag? Greatness.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Marciuliano was awesome for sending the art. But actually arranging for Ted to visit a hotel concierge on the same day as the gag? Greatness.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Mark Trail:
Divorce = evil, little girl-soul killing exercise in parental selfishness.
Puppy = miraculous, little girl-soul restoring wonder
Naming Puppy After Absent Father = creepy, creepy, weird, weird, weird.
Future Reunion of Girls’ Parents, Inspired By Rescuing Dog from Strange Dog Nappers = recycling of Dognaping and Duck story lines, much much too soon.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
FOOB–
Has anybody speculated that the wedding dress turns out to have belonged to the owners who lived there before the Pattersons? After all, did Michael ever produce a picture of his grandma wearing this particular dress? And Deanna doesn’t seem to have shown it to Elly for confirmation that it really is her mom’s dress.
I’d personally like to think of Liz reluctantly squeezing in to some moldy old gown in the name of family and tradition. Of course, she will want to surprise everyone, so she keeps it secret, only to have Elly exclaim as Liz walks down the aisle, “What the Hell is she wearing?! Looks like she pulled it out of some dingy crawlspace!”
March 27th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
#65: It’s a major street in the Bronx, of course.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Unfortunately for Liz, Gram was laid out in that dress after she died as per her request. After the service, the wedding dress was removed and she was buried in her favorite nightie that turned Grandpa Chinnuts into a pool of jelly.
The dress is saturated with embalming fluids that even dry cleaning can’t get out so when Liz wears it for the ceremony, she is going to keel over dead between the words I and do.
Thus leaving Granthony to moan, why me?
March 27th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
PBS & SALLY FORTH — I’ve never read Sally Forth except on this site and when I find it in local papers while out of town. But I’m so impressed by Marciuliano’s sense of humor that I may have to try it online.
Also, I went to a large non-profit-sponsored used booksale this evening, and failed to find any PBS books on the sizeable “Humor” table, which had plenty of CALVIN AND HOBBES, DOONESBURY, and old stuff — I scored nice Peter Arno and Whitney Darrow, Jr. collections. I now suspect that PBS books are still too new and cherished to get donated to worthy causes. Dang.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
#82 Hi, Poteet!
“I now suspect that PBS books are still too new and cherished to get donated to worthy causes. Dang.”
I’m sure you’re right. Ask your nieces where they bought the ones for me (Borders, maybe?), go there, and load up.
I sat down at the computer JUST after you posted yours. We must be in sync once again!
March 27th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
No Country for Old Men: The Musical
Could be…
Who knows…
Evil lurks on the plains
Way out west
On the range
Watch how it grows…
Who’s he?
Fear grows…
Coming from
Devil’s lair
Major badness
Oy! That hair!
“Hamill” it crows…
Could it be?
Yes, it could!
Evil’s coming, coming good.
Name of Chigurh
Bab’s son-in-law Josh is cute
Furry ’stache, butt to boot!
But I demure…
Moss has cash
From the truck
Back to trailer
Wife he fuck
Now on the run…
Chigurh trail you like a ghost
Son, you’re toast
Give it up now…
Ed Tom Bell
Slowin’ down
Liz wear gramma’s wedding gown
Wait! Don’t go there…
Chigurh, won’t you be the man
Kill that jackbitch, Lynn Johnston
Everyone cheer…
Moss cross the border
Moss swim the Grande River
C’mon, deliver to me!
People dyin’
Quite a scene
Chigurh uses
Cow machine
Hole in the head…
Deputy goes
Man in car
Woody Harrelson (such a star)
Oops! Carla Jean…
Chigurh, he lingers
The sheriff next he’ll finger
But spidey tinglers
He free!
Could it be?
Yes, it could!
Chigurh’s coming, neighborhood
Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight….
March 27th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Here, Liz. We found grandma’s wedding dress in the crawlspace. Her bones were still in it, but we had it cleaned, so it should look great for your wedding!
March 27th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Marvin has become Stewie, only without any wit or sense of irony.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
#81 – when I read your comment, I instantly thought of this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=WdTYcnUBADw
See? They can still have a very fulfilling life.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
#26– Patrick, aren’t we assuming an awful lot here? Maybe Lynn is phoning it in because she KNOWS she can no longer write as well as in her heyday. And the GT writer– I don’t think he ever even had a heyday– more like a “Wha?”-day.
Marvin: The most depressing part of this change is that I’m sure the syndicate demanded it just so people could tell the difference between this drek and Garfield.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
S4th: Sally a hottie? If she and Ted were a lesbian couple, she would be the butch one.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Will some enterprising soul with connections on Broadway make “No Country For Old Men: The Musical”? I would so pay to see that.
Getting visions of the big “Call it! Friendo!” number.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
# 65 Little A — I remember The Grand Concourse from THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES, but I don’t know if that counts. The novel, not the movie, which I never saw. Sympathies re the lost check and yarmulke, by the way.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Ok, we all know that Therese is going to be somehow invited to the wedding, to show how Perfect ™ Liz and Inevithony are in comparison. Now’s the time to place your bets… when she receives The News, will she find a fresh live kitten to bite into, or will she already be eating a kitten when they tell her?
March 27th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
# 91 — Also I seem to remember that The Grand Concourse was mentioned at the beginning of ANGELS IN AMERICA. I have the script for Millenium Approaches.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
89 Rusty: I’ve said for years that Sally and Ted ARE a lesbian couple. There’s no way you can convince me that Ted’s a man.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
#92 Zaq: I believe she’ll already have the bunny boiling in a pot on the stove.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
taking it slow – ha!
its just bad foreshadowing
lizzie is preggers
March 27th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
# 83 Chatty — Or maybe someone will give me PBS books! As presents! Maybe:-)!
# 92 Zaq — I agree that Therese will be forced to attend. But kitten, heck — she’ll probably be sucking the blood out of a live human baby. And I wonder if Lynn will also force that no-good louse from Liz’s college days, can’t think of his name, to attend the wedding in chains and shriek aloud that he was a fool, an utter fool, to ever cheat on such an angel.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
#92 Zaq – She’ll dance naked on the bodies of sick babies while chanting in the Black Speech, during the wedding. Anthony will have to break out his patented Noogie of Doom to restore order, further cementing his Nice Guy ™ status.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
#94: I thought I had seen the concept kicked around here in the past. Sally has her daughter’s bustline, dresses like Mary Worth, and a haircut that looked dated in 1985. No CILF potential anywhere in the strip, unless someone wants to throw a pity fuck Ted’s way.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Taco Casserole? It’s not that bad, actually.
My sister-in-law makes this version, and although I find it a bit salty, I’ve certainly had worse dishes in my time.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Little A. @ Number 65Isn’t The Grand Concourse a famous street in the Bronx? As I recall, that was Rhoda Morgenstern’s family address…unless you mean the one in Newfoundland.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Longtime lurker; this episode of FOOB has finally brought me out of the woodwork. My prediction:
Therese will be conscripted to watch Francie during the wedding day festivities, since no one else will want to bother. Something will happen to Francie, perhaps a fall and a skinned knee, and she’ll turn and cry to Elizabeth (conveniently standing nearby) instead of Therese. This, of course, will cause Therese to go white-hot with rage, throw a fit and run out. Francie will cry more and there will be a group hug, thereby solidifying Lizardbreath’s total takeover of Therese’s life. This may or may not be preceded by a short “you’re not my real mom” scuffle that Francie then tearfully apologizes for during the “my real mom’s a mean psycho and left me” bawling.
Oh, and seeing Elizabeth in Gram’s wedding dress will spur Gramps to his first full monologue since the stroke.
The link that was provided to an interview with Lynn a couple of weeks ago still has me feeling icky. Woman has ISSUES. No wonder the entire family in the strip is fearful of everyone else in the world.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
#65: as a former NYer, I totally know what the Grand Concourse is. Good to see it on your name!
March 27th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
#43 AJ, you worry about the FOOB ass fitting into a dress worn by the mother of all FOOB asses?
March 27th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
#88– I probably am assuming a lot, but where Lynn is concerned I think its less phoning it in that this is how she’s getting payback. Maybe my memory is flawed, but I don’t remember the old strips being as bad as they are now. What got me on the whole train of thought was seeing 1960’s A3G’s.
This is a link to some 1967 era A3G strips and some other interesting tidbits.
http://profmendez.tripod.com/html/apart3G.htm
March 27th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
When you click on the link I posted above, be sure to go all the way to the bottom and click on the next page and you will see what A3G was like in its heyday and why it is such an abomination now.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
I’ve barely had time to read the Pope’s postings over the last few weeks, let alone all the comments, given my continuing lack of home ‘net access *sob*, but I just had to post.
This PBS/SF crossover, complete with Josh’s awesome link to the email exchange, is so full of win it’s spurting out and drenching the passersby. Love, love, love it.
And tomorrow the lovely Comcast man will come and make me a very happy woman. (No, for those of you with dirty minds, he’s installing cable/internet. Though if he’s cute, who knows…;))
March 27th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Some comics haiku
to brighten up your ev’ning
or night, as it were:
Taco casserole
“Who the heck are you?” he asks
We might ask the same
I don’t understand
9 Chickweed Lane, but hot damn,
Edda’s got great gams.
There’s a big stone wall
behind Eric. That’s how you
know he’s in China.
So the sound of a
spider lassoing dinner
is “lasso.” Who knew?
Sarge really regrets
buying Otto a “Fleshlight.”
That sucker’s noisy.
Cathy in corset
Now I have permanently
lost my erection
Workman digs up bones,
Len quickly leaps to deny.
He protests too much?
There’s a good reason
Grandma’s head resembles a
cumulonimbus.
Smarmy rejoinder
covers embarassing truth:
Herb can not do math.
Puppy needs a name.
Why not Bill, just like the ones
you’ll get from the vet?
Don’t ask me why, but
when I read this Mary Worth,
I thought of King Lear.
Strip I want to see
Barretto draw: PreTeena.
One I don’t: Momma.
Not the final trap!
How will Spider-Man escape
that deadly shortwave?
Zits is the first strip
to refer to boob sucking
since *retch* Baby Blues.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
#65 LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL:
Grand Concourse Photo Tour, Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3.
Is it too late to add it to Sally and Ted’s itinerary?
March 27th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
The only possible way that Lynn can redeem herself with the Liz and Anthony wedding is if she fast-forwards a little into the future and reveals Anthony as one of those guys that keeps their wives locked up in the house with no communication to the outside world. That’s the only way in hell any of this will make sense.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Patrick, thanks for that link. I bookmarked the whole site. As I was plunking around I found The Heart of Juliet Jones! I hadn’t thought of that one in decades!
March 27th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I think my server is going wacky. When I posted that last comment I got a white page, with Done at the bottom. I refreshed and then hit preview and saw the post. So I am trying this again, to see what happens.
Josh, remember I emailed you this afternoon when I couldn’t get the site to load at all, just got the white page. It may be doing that again now. Just a heads up.
If I don’t get back on here again, I hope you all have good weekends.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Okay, just now I posted that last one and got the white page. I had to go all the way back and reenter the site to be able to see what I posted. It may happen again. Rather than annoy everyone with multiple posts, I will make this my last one, and wait to see what happens on Sunday, when I get back online.
Ta ta!
March 27th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
# 113 — Lisa, the same thing happened to me the last few times I posted. I thought maybe it was the site’s subtle way of telling me to quit posting so often, but if it’s also happening to you, it must be something else.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Gil Thorp could become a hilarious farce if every character started pretending to be another character’s father. Then questions like “And just who the heck are you?” would add to a quick dialogue and alibi resulting in quite a madcap finish.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
>FBoFW Wait wait wait wait just a fuckin minute here. Is that dress made of stainless steel? How can she get her big Patterfoob butt in it in the first place, much less clamber into Mike ‘n Dee’s little car and drive all the way over to Grampa Chinnuts’ place (where they hardly ever visit anyway) and put on a show designed to send him into a heart attack at the sight of his darling Marian’s wedding dress straining at the seams on Lizzy Lardass’s Wide Load frame?
Dear, dear Lynnie Baby,
Take your meds, O little prairie oyster. You must be trippin’ like crazy over this fantasyland crap you got going on here. Ah my sweet little pile of caribou droppings, you have gone off the deep end with this crazy dream of dragging The Fable kicking and screaming up the aisle to Certain Doom. Put down the ink pen, Lynnie. Put it down and back away. Enough, as Shan….non says, is “E-nough!”
Truman A. Fable
Now vomiting in glorious living color!
March 27th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
FBOW :
Yes! Grandma’s vengeful wraith will rise from the graveyard soil and wreak black vengeance against the Patterson family! Well either that or a befuddled Gramps will try to dryhump Liz’s leg in a tragic case of mistaken identity.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
“We may be talking more a quick yank behind the dumpster than anything else.” is my new favourite pickup line.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
FBoFW Wait wait wait wait just a fuckin minute here. Is that dress made of stainless steel? How can she get her big Patterfoob butt in it in the first place, much less clamber into Mike ‘n Dee’s little car and drive all the way over to Grampa Chinnuts’ place (where they hardly ever visit anyway) and put on a show designed to send him into a heart attack at the sight of his darling Marian’s wedding dress straining at the seams on Lizzy Lardass’s Wide Load frame?
Dear, dear Lynnie Baby,
Take your meds, O little prairie oyster. You must be trippin’ like crazy over this fantasyland crap you got going on here. Ah my sweet little pile of caribou droppings, you have gone off the deep end with this crazy dream of dragging The Fable kicking and screaming up the aisle to Certain Doom. Put down the ink pen, Lynnie. Put it down and back away. Enough, as Shan….non says, is “E-nough!”
Truman A. Fable
Now vomiting in glorious living color!
March 27th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
#116 and #119 True Fable.
As soon as I read this stupid strip, I knew I could count on you to blast it (and Lynn) but GOOD. And MUCH better than I ever could. (and twice yet!;-) Thank you, thank you, thank you!
March 27th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
TGIFunnies!
A3G: the monk asks Eric to tell him all about the woman he loves, and all I can think of is sending a shout-out to Dingo and beg him for a reworking of “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?”.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Well, I was going to grouse about Friday’s FOOB but I’ll just ditto what True Fable said.
It’s like Johnston’s purposely trashing her own work for reasons known only to her. Me, I think she reads here and this is her way of cackling “You think that one was bad? Wait ’til you read this one!” as she gleefully scribbles out yet another strip that has the assembled Curmudgeons spewing last week’s lunch on their keyboards.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:02 am
FOOB: It’s worse than all that: Grandpa will forget that it’s his granddaughter in that dress. His very expression says, Honey! You’re still alive! Even without humping, this could get creepy!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:04 am
This is the first time I’ve left a comment here. I was just delighted at how perversely brazen the new DtM is. I’ll bet he really isn’t exaggerating.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:07 am
TGIFunnies!
A3G: the monk asks Eric to tell him all about the woman he loves, and all I can think of is sending a shout-out to Dingo and beg him for a reworking of “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?”.
JP: sorry, Mr. Mathers, you’re just no match for the exotic wonders of Gloria…
MW: did I miss something, or was this little vignette just as anti-climactic as Mark Trail giving a puppy to a depressed little girl?
Pluggers: are too stupid to notice when a very hot piece of food, straight off a greasy griddle, lands on their skin.
9CL: should I be intrigued, turned on, or skeeved out?
March 28th, 2008 at 12:08 am
#112, #113 Lisa, and #114 Poteet.
The same thing happened to me also. In fact, I ended up hitting the POST button a total of FOUR times before giving up.
I’m amazed to see that one of them made it. I’m even more amazed that three more identical posts haven’t shown up yet. (But if they should, Truman, you deserve ‘em all!)
March 28th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Ah, The Heart of Juliet Jones! I grew up reading and hating story strips, because I had no idea what they used to be. And then I stumbled across reprint books of Stan Drake’s Juliet Jones and fell in love with a comic strip. Man, that guy could draw!!! Unfortunately, knowing what they used to be makes me despise the current dreck that much more. Josh, thanks for making them amusing again and for this snarking forum. I read The Comics Curmudgeon regularly, but this is my first post here.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:11 am
I got the white screen as well. Had to re-enter the site to be able to see actual comics and words again.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Wait, that’s it???!!! That’s the big Mary Worth flashback? My friends’ parents were vaguely nice to me, so I devoted myself to a lifetime of meddling and “significant quotations”?
Does anyone else think that the writers got halfway through this storyline, got bored with it and wandered off to play minigolf?
March 28th, 2008 at 12:16 am
Then I’m not alone! Oh, wonderful! Well, not wonderful that this is happening, but at least it’s not my fault or something. :o)
Happy weekend, everybody!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:17 am
It’s fixed!
But it also told me to slow down, I was posting too fast! :o(
March 28th, 2008 at 12:18 am
ChattyGenes, Lisa, and Poteet. I’ve had strange anomalies also. Two days ago or so, I got a could not find server messages for hours. Today around three o’clock it happened again. I opened CC again in Mozilla and was able to get back in. Have no idea why it’s happening, and I don’t think it’s happening to everyone, as there seems to be no gap in other postings. It made me think, thought, what would happen if I could no longer read the snark here. I must tell you the thought was darker than the charcoal briquette we call Mary’s heart.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Oh wow, I just went back and caught the ‘life improved when my mother remarried’ bit. This is not a good week for unmarried women in the comics – FBOFW tells us that getting married is the greatest accomplishment that a woman can ever hope for, while Mark Trail and Mary Worth assure us that divorce leaves children, raised inevitably by their now-failure-as-women moms, dangerously depressed and/or vaguely neglected in the form of bad hair cuts. I know the comics are a strange place to look for women’s empowerment, but this is just ridiculous.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Phantom – Weren’t our two JP wannabees holding Mr. Big at gunpoint? What happened to him?
March 28th, 2008 at 12:28 am
# 129 A New Day — Yeah, what kind of lame furshlugginer ending is THAT? If I happened across Moy and Giella right now, I’d hit them with their own minigolf clubs.
DT — MargoBoxcarSaturn, is this strip trying to push the stupidity meter upward as part of an insider comic contest to see just how idiotic a strip can get? And is the other contestant the alleged human responsible for GASOLINE ALLEY? Because if so, that would explain a lot.
Foob — I appreciate all the excellent withering Mudge sarcasm directed at this strip so far. And may I add that there’s no way in hell that moldy poofy dress could have been stored in that thin box Dee was holding yesterday. RL! RL! RL!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:32 am
#127 Jane the Mostly Lurker – When I was in second grade, a girl in my class brought a Heart of Juliet Jones coloring book to school. I recognized it and seized it as an opportunity to talk to her. (yes, even in second grade, a Fable strikes while the iron is hot!) Of course she turned her cold little 8-year-old head away and ignored me but the point is, I have always held a fondness for that particular comic strip.
Forty-two years later, the girl is now on her third husband and is still a voracious chain-smoker from what I hear. I dodged a bullet, it would seem. ;-)
March 28th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Dick Tracy is staring through the asshole of a horse. This whole caper smells of horseshit.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Foob: “Lizzie, I had Grandma Marian’s dress all cleaned up for you. All the stains came out, except for this really stubborn yellowing one that seems spattered all over this part here, right where we expanded the seams to accomodate your wide, child-bearing hips. I figured you were about the same size as Michael, so I had him try it on.”
March 28th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Wow. Ted found a prostitute that looks just like his wife. Wonder if she charges extra for the costume? I bet he made her put on the wig before they left the hotel.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:46 am
A3G “and tell me slowly… what did she wear the last time you saw her… buttons or zippers? Did you unzip her sloooowly, or -?” That’s right, Eric; bobble that head. It’s been a long time since Master Po was able to ask something like that so ‘fess up and don’t look.
BB Corporal Yo! NOOOOO!
Cathy (Must Die!) Cathy knows exactly how overweight she is; why is it considered funny to see someone trash themselves this way day in and day out? Ms. Guisewhite, seek help.
Close to Home I enjoyed this one today. This is notable because I hate the art style otherwise.
C’haft Somebody tell Mom to STFU. Seriously. Just Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
DtM Aw, c’mon Dennis – you don’t need to brag/lie like that until you’re fifteen or so and are desperate to convince girls that you are a stud, oh yeah and Joey is just a childhood pal. *guffaw* Yeah, that’s a good one.
(WT)DT OMG. He’s Dick Tracy and about to unload. Can you say that on a family comic page?
March 28th, 2008 at 12:51 am
Today’s GT is apparently trying to bring back the underhanded jump shot. I don’t think it’ll catch on.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:56 am
3/28:
FW: Oh, Lord, Les, DON’T remind me! That, my fellow ‘Mudges, is why I wish we had this place in the summer of ‘94!
GT: NOW they explain what the hell happened yesterday. Sort of.
H&J: Herb is in that infamous condition where a hostage sells out to his captor. And a misandrous pop culture. And she’s one happy captor.
MW: I knew that Mary was shifty!
ZtP: I’ve always got to give props to a Nixon/Watergate reference.
A3G: Uh-oh! You really don’t know what you’re in for, 5+5, you poor sap! Btw, guys: the Blues Brothers you ain’t.
BBailey: But the candlelight dinner together went alittle too far…
Curtis: Wrong answer, Gunther! …though I do agree with you.
DtM: That boy would have his head rolling all over the ground if it weren’t for the dilligence of the daily comics colorists. For once, they deserve the thanks of a grateful nation!!!
March 28th, 2008 at 1:01 am
FBoFW After Grampa Chinnuts has his final stroke at the sight of TEN Pounds of fatback stuffed in a FIVE pound sack of rotting fabric, Mike listened to his muse and wrote a long, treacle-filled sonnet about love and loss and how it felt to have a World War II vet flip him off one final time before he expired.
GA Losers Anonymous, the meeting is here.
Scenes from Suburban Hell Hey, at least he’s trying to teach her something, and not just leaving her alone in a room to talk to the sunshine. Cripes, woman; fuck off and die.
JP Well well well… first day on the job and Steve snags a client on the way to work! Why, this isn’t Milborough! Things don’t happen that easily unless some hack named Johnston is on hand!
Luann AAAAaaaand… Brad coughs up a hairball he shouldn’t have, and Our Boy blows it as I feared he might. Cripes, Evans; give the guy a break or FOAD.
MT Bill the Talking Puppy expresses his feelings quite nicely.
MW Don’t get all excited; Mary’s cybernetic body just had to internally adjust to Daylight Savings Time.
RMMD If he had the list, why didn’t HE go ahead and… oh, never mind. It will give Rex something to do. But dammit, what about JUNE, what about HER NEEDS? And when are we going to see her RACK?
I mean, there are certain expectations to be met y’know.
March 28th, 2008 at 1:09 am
Hideous, and yet I cannot look away:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2367544243/
March 28th, 2008 at 1:53 am
#144 bats :[ – *applauds wildly*
March 28th, 2008 at 1:56 am
Marvin dearly wishes to be Calvin and Hobbes but it lacks the humor, art, intelligence, characters, originality…
March 28th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Odd. When I read today’s Mary Worth, I too “felt something shift inside.” I think it was my lunch.
108 SS-B: I’m lovin’ me the haikus. I think Spiderman and Cathy (Must Die) are my faves. But… Mary Worth and Lear? I thought Macbeth was the source for “it is a tale/Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,/Signifying nothing.” ?!
Now I’m just confused.
105 Patrick: Thanks for the reminder about how good A3G used to be. I hadn’t read the soap comics for years, until I discovered this site several months ago. I thought I must have been hallucinating all those years ago, when Margo, Tommie and LuAnn, uh, … informed my adolescent imagination. When I picked up A3G last year after a long absence, I was physically shocked at what I saw. All I could think of was, “Who ARE these women?”
March 28th, 2008 at 2:07 am
#49 Albert Camus
That was AWESOME.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:12 am
And that must be the R-Train. I gotta say, I am disappointed in his lack of spitcurl.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:32 am
#144 bats :[ OMG, the last frame (especially!) has me in stitches! Fantastic!
March 28th, 2008 at 2:42 am
FOOB: Goodness, but there’s a lot to hate here. “…it was such a long time ago… or… perhaps it all feels like yesterday.”
Who completes sentences hours later? Who, I ask you? Hoo?
#144 bats :[
“Your grandma’s wedding dress and her formal sweat socks!” Ha hahah!
And may I direct the attention of discrimating Foob revilers everywhere to the odd body shape of Deanne, the gargantuan toddler in panel 2. Oh, yes, I almost forgot. As ever, Deanne’s bowl cut is the very vision of beauty. Thank you, everyone, for your kind indulgence.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:58 am
The maddening thing about this Mary Worth flashback story is that, while it will wrap up with a pool party, it will be the exact same party, still in progress, that Mary and Toby wandered away from at the end of the previous storyline.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Luann: Wow, I’ve never seen anyone try so hard to screw up in my life. But yeah, c’mon, Dirk–jump out of shadows and finish this once and for all.
Zits: GAH! Don’t jut ‘em out like that, woman! I’m still recovering from…from that.
Shoe: It’s nice to know that after Pluggers pulls the plug, its brand of “humor” will still have a home in which to suck royally.
Sally Forth: BECAUSE WE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE CONCERT WOULD BE LIKE, FROM THE BAND NAME OR THE CROWD! APPARENTLY WE JUST TELEPORTED INTO THE MIDDLE OF THIS! WHAT??
…Should’ve gone with the “date,” Ted.
FOOBar: Sadly, Grandpa does remember, and attempts to reenact his honeymoon right there in front of everyone. He then dies. THE END. I said, THE END. Don’t make me get the hammer.
Candorville: This is like porn to me.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:25 am
A3-G: Either someone took a Sharpie to this week’s strip, Eric and his monk friend have gone blind, or they’ve suddenly formed a Motown group. No matter which it is, though, we can be sure that it will be tedious.
FOOB: Of course it was meant to be. Mike and Deanna? Meant to be! Liz and Anthony? Meant to be! April and the business end of a revolver clutched by her own shaky hand? Meant to be! This strip sickens me.
FW: So this is what it’s come down to for Funky Winkerbean: a lonely, middle-aged pizza boy wandering around an empty building rambling about nothing to no one in particular. I miss the cancer.
MW: Toby appears to be inching closer and closer to Mary, possibly in some misguided attempt to make out with the old biddy. Boy, will she be surprised when Mary’s tongue eats hers whole.
S-M: I haven’t been paying attention to Spider-Man lately but since when has Mary Jane been played by David Hyde Pierce?
March 28th, 2008 at 3:30 am
133, A New Day: If the comics have taught me anything, it’s that the virtuous woman has only two real options in life. 1) Fulfill her duty to the species and the gender norms, marry young to her childhood sweetheart, have lots and lots of kids, and be quiet when the TV’s on. 2) Jungle Patrol.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Mallard Fillmore: Does the MF change color when he’s trying to attract a mate, or is the green indicative of how closely Tinsley is to ralphing up another six-pack while he draws up another week’s strips on the dashboard of his Chevette?
MT: The kid is sick from a divorce? And yet she somehow drafted up a contest-winning essay on taking care of pets she doesn’t have yet? And a “wildlife” magazine runs contests extolling the simple virtues of caring for domesticated animals? Still, with Mark having travelled back in time to give a puppy to Sam Hill as a small child, who can complain?
JP: “Yeah, Steve, I’m a CPA and I’m looking for a lawyer… a really good lawyer whose reputation for patriotism can help make up for some of the things I’ve been doing lately. Nudge-nudge… ”
Sex Organ, M.D.: A relative of mine worked for a hospital that was trying to track down the spread of the same staph infection. Basically this is not quite the Avian-Flu/Ebola/Hanta situation that they’re making it out to be. And I’m not really too comfortable about the idea that Rex is taking orders from the evil Count Olaf. Thus, I give you Grapefruity Snicket’s take on recent events:
“While there are many delightful things about a visit to a doctor, such as feeling much better, getting a delightful and tasty lollipop, and finding a temporary respite from one’s enemies while hidden within a full-body cast for many months as I once had to do, working in a hospital for many hours each day under Count Olaf as the chief administrator is not one of them.
“For one thing, Count Olaf did not conform to most of the hygiene standards acceptable within most health institutions. He often wore shoes with no socks, exposing an ankle tattoo of a large eye a well as exposing all those in the immediate vicinity to an eye-watering blend of smells indicative of a long-standing untreated fungal infection. He would also make outrageous demands of his doctors, insisting that the barely-schooled Baudelaire orphans do surgery without any proper surgical equipment upon the steady stream of gunshot victims pouring into the ER. If not for the prodigious reading skills of Klaus, the surgically-sharp teeth of Sunny, and Violet’s invention of a discrete chute by which bodies could be disposed of into a disused elevator shaft filled with quicklime, the orphans would have been overwhelmed. But is my sad duty not to be able to focus on the comparatively delightful situation of the Baudelaires in this instance. No, my horrid duty is to explain the fate of a child named Niki who was left in the care of a far worse man named Rex Morgan.”
Marvin: A-ha! Back to thought bubbles again. Perhaps yesterday’s effort to StewieGriffinize Marvin has been stopped by the powers that be.
GT: I like Andrew’s dad a lot now — back from being “in the shit” somewhere in a southern Philippine jungle cutting the ears off Abu Sayaf members, he blows off steam by shouting out his own narration.
“OAKWOOD AT MILFORD — AND IT’S CLEAR THAT RAY GREGORY IS BACK IN TOWN!! FUCK YEAH! I MADE IT, NO MATTER THE ODDS! THE RAY GREGORY MACHINE … ZERO DEFECTS!”
A3G: As I guessed, we’re going to find out that Eric is behind all the unrest in Tibet.
Foob: Poor grandpa Jim chinnuts is going to forget the interchangeable face but will recognize the dress, toss Lizzie down and try to BOXCAR the crap out of her. And Anthony will have to intervene for the second time.
Or else, in a moment of lucid speech, he’ll explain in graphic detail the origin of every stain on that dress.
My Cage: Like all good ventriloquists, Norm’s brother can speak and drink at the same time.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:54 am
I’ve decided that the comic I would most like to take a giant leap into the future is Pluggers. Imagine the possibilities:
“Plugger telepathy” Rhinoman talking on a cellphone
“Plugger hologram” Weredog watching an 8-foot plasma TV
“Plugger space shuttle” Anthropobear driving a Tesla T-Zero
“Plugger grid implant” Chickenwoman using a laptop computer
March 28th, 2008 at 4:11 am
FBOFW: This whole act seems to belong to the same “sensitive Michael” who visited Grandpa after his stroke, and just wanted to gab about his new book, only to be upset as Grandpa was only able to reply with a few choice *#$! expressions. I’m sure he was hoping that Jim pass out cold right there while Liz models the dress, to which Michael could finally say “BOXCAR that!”
But Grandpa P. doesn’t come off to me as such a sensitive guy, but an elderly man, the most duty he shows is to his fellow buddy veterans, and whose romantic side is mostly expressed as a skirt-chasing narcissist, that fits his apparently frustrated yearning to be a musician.
Whatever he says tomorrow about the dress — I doubt he would be part of the small percentage of men who after 50 years or so, on first glance recall their wife’s wedding dress. Especially while sitting stuck under the watchful eye of Iris. Now, every thread and detail of his old uniform, that’s another thing.
March 28th, 2008 at 4:18 am
Did nobody else notice that she apparently changed into that dress IN FRONT OF HER BROTHER? “Try it on!” “Okay!” (Starts stripping.)
I thought this was in Canada, not West Virginia.
March 28th, 2008 at 5:00 am
Mccy: I lose track of who’s changing clothes in front of whom, now that Michael, Elizabeth, Anthony and Deanna (hereinafter the entity known as “MEAD”) all have essentially the same haircut, faces and wide childbearing hips. In a few weeks, they will merge into a super-entity Omega Foobicus and wage war on the enormous 3kg Decepticon hamburgers made by Elly.
March 28th, 2008 at 5:04 am
So, in the last panel of Zits, it appears that Connie has her legs wrapped around Walt. But where are Walt’s hands?
March 28th, 2008 at 5:41 am
9CL: So, in ten years or so, when Mrs ex-Nun puts on a her pounds, Mr ex-Priest will cease to love her. Because it’s all about physical attraction with these folks.
A3G: Dharamsala? And to where are they trekking? Is this one lone art dealer against the the entire Chinese Communist Party?
‘bean: Creepy Les is still cleaning up. It’s going to be an hour after opening by the time he’s done. I give it two weeks before he stops reminiscing the whole time and begins to resent the greasy, roach-ridden hole.
Nick & Steve: “C’mon, legless-buddy! Work for me! I don’t have to know whether you know tax law, or even if you’re a competent lawyer.”
March 28th, 2008 at 5:41 am
FC: The next day Billy woke up to the sound of seagulls and a hideous but familiar smell. He could also hear the ocean. He sat up. “Oh no, not again!” he yelled, startling several rats. Yes, Billy was back on Garbage Island.
“I’m starting to think Mr. Garbageman has it in for me,” he thought as he started scrounging for food scraps…
March 28th, 2008 at 5:42 am
GT: Ok, I know we all complain because most of these comics have plotlines slower than cold molasses, but seriously, Gil Thorpe isn’t even letting anything happen anymore. It’s always a few haphazard, nonsensical panels that make you feel like you have a mild case of traumatic amnesia, and then a panel of some teen explaining everything that supposedly just happened. Soon the entire comic will be one huge anecdote, as told by the Milford cheerleading squad.
March 28th, 2008 at 5:44 am
So they’ve got a “No Country for Old Men” musical, but not one for “There Will Be Blood?” Talk about missed opportunities. “I Drink Your Milkshake” would be the biggest hit of the year.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:06 am
Curtis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
March 28th, 2008 at 6:20 am
Foob: Ah, nothing like teasing the stroke victim lost in his dottage with his dead wife’s wedding dress.
Maybe afterwards they can pants him. That would be funny, too.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Pssst, Brad.
A little advice. If you want to make a woman run away like the wind go all wussy and clingy. Especially on the first date. Doubly especially on the drive to the first date. C’mon man up.
I’m just saying.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:39 am
So she rode across town in the dress and walked in Jim and Iris’ apartment in it? And why didn’t they take the kids with them? He might enjoy seeing his gfreat-grandkids.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:48 am
168–Oh, and be sure to put down her ex-lovers, and imply that she is superficial.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:58 am
When I read Apt. 3G online it often takes a second or two to load, so sometimes I end up reading half of the third panel first, by accident. Today I saw the bald guy in sunglasses and blonde guy in sunglasses and thought that it was Alan and a drug dealer. Nope, instead it was Eric and a Buddhist monk. Whoops.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Poor longsuffering Iris. She takes care of Jim all the time. She puts pictures of his dead wife all around to make him happy. Since he can’t talk now, for all she knows he thinks she is Marian. And now, unannounced, his granddaughter shows up flouncing about in his dead wife’s wedding dress, which gives Jim a huge reaction.
Iris obviously suffers from the Patterson epidemic “didn’t grow up with us so she’s not really part of the family” syndrome.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:08 am
#152 – Mary will return to the pool party and force everyone to say grace, hold hands, and sing “Row your Boat” until they commit collective suicide by drowning in the pool, just to be free of her.
#144 – Bats – most excellent.
HTH – Hagar, just give ‘em to Elly – guaranteed they’ll be munch chew glup smut gulp burp fssss eaten.
RM – Awfully tiny list there, doc.
FW – why the hell was Les searching for his wife?
He is creepy. And now he won’t leave his daughter alone.
FOOB – Does anybody have a shoehorn and some baby oil? Or some Dexatrim?
March 28th, 2008 at 7:09 am
MW – Wait a minute. That’s IT? Mary’s major life-changing event was being invited to dinner at her friend’s house? I can only hope that when the story returns from the flashback (”…all I have to do is fade my voice out like this and cue the organist…”), Toeby will have hung herself from the rafters. Only sweet, sweet death can relieve her of the agony of having to listen to this non-stop tripe.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:10 am
#172 – Thank God we can only see fifty percent of that, um, reaction.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:11 am
AhClem, I like the way you think!
March 28th, 2008 at 7:19 am
MW: What’s that Mary? I can’t hear you over all the bee-grinding. Seriously, that’s it? Mary decided to dedicate her life to meddling because some people were nice to her once?
Foob: Hey, you know what would be fun? If we surprise our confused, aphasic grandfather by me showing up in his dead wife’s wedding dress! Idiots.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:21 am
Luann: I DON’T believe it! Brad is practically in bed with Toni and what does the idiot do? He brings up “ex” Dirk. Jeezus, Evans, what are you doing, torturing us!?!
Brad, you NEVER bring up an “ex”, in front of a new girlfriend,EVER. If you still have a problem with Dirk, well…., thats what Mossberg 590s are made for….,
_____________
Death to TJ! (A Mossberg would work great on HIM, too.)
March 28th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Three comics that made me laugh openly this morning:
- Gil Thorp’s 3rd panel – rarely have words so well applied to artwork
- My Cage, giving a huge blow to emos everywhere
- Slylock Fox, for one of the best zingers and wholly appropriate for a kid that age
Meanwhile. Dick Tracy gave me a mental image I need to scrub out.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:41 am
re: Today’s Pluggers…
I was under the impression that Pluggers don’t flip-flop–
they waffle.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:47 am
H & L – Yep, so the secret is out-Trixie and I have this little problem in common.
(I don’t know why, but I burp when I work out and exercise-weird)
Garfield – Haha, Jon is a huffer!
March 28th, 2008 at 7:55 am
I found Marvin extremely disturbing today. In the first pannel, the father is looking at Marvin, no problem. Then in pannel three the father is looking straight at us, into our very souls with his hooded snake eyes. I think the idea was comiseration but it was very upsetting. Also, that pig looks pretty jolly about its impending destruction for a few pennies and a greasy nickel.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:58 am
178 Mordock999: I Wiki’d the Mossberg 590. I agree; Dirk needs to see one of those up reeeal close.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Boy, it’s thinly veiled penis joke week in 9CL!
DT Liz! His back is turned! He’s focused on the horse! He’s unarmed! Take him Liz! Take him! No–not the stern but impotent stare, Liz, jump him! Liz! Liz! Oh, never mind.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Marvin: So now the “baby” is old enough to stand up on his own and talk? Just how old is he supposed to be, anyway? He’s either an inert lump getting his shitty diaper changed (in the middle of the night with a smug look on his face) , or yakking away in text message phrases. Which is it? And what does he want a credit card for? Designer training pants? Cheerios? A new rubber sheet for his smelly crib? Jeez. His parents are going to shell out $200,000 to raise this lump to age 18. A dirty bottle to suck gallons of milk from, and ever-larger overalls encasing his Huggies-clad ass is about as much as he can expect, no?
Curtis: The non-blond woman fighting with the other? The one with the hat? Why doesn’t she have any hair? If she’s covering up a bare noggin she ought to have a bigger hat!
March 28th, 2008 at 8:07 am
A3G: Head swivel and a bobble (Swibobble?)! Now that takes talent. Nice specs guys. Asian monks; the other white bread
‘Shaft: Man, what a bi-otch. If ever there was an argument for euthanasia, this strip is it.
DtM: That joke’s almost as old as this strip.
DT: What the heck is the crane for, where did it come from and how did it get the box out of the truck? The damn thing was in a truck, not on a barge.
FC: That cutesy crap may fly with your parents, but that trash guy (Sorry, Sanitation Engineer) probably isn’t in the mood to put up with your shit.
FOOB: Cripes, this whole scene is making me sick. Liz isn’t so much a person now as she is a Barbie doll being forced to act out Lynn’s horrifying little drama.
GT: Oh come on, basketball season is almost over and you’re just now firing up a plot about an over bearing dad? This was all done with Lisa Wyche a couple years ago anyway, just off the old man. (I’m horrified that I remember characters and plots from Gil Thorp).
Luann: Way to go, Brad, you broke rule #2 not even a minute into the date. No wonder you live with TJ in your black-out house and don’t have a girlfriend.
MW: That was it!? What a fucking let down! Even by Mary Worth standards that was lame!
MC: Love, love, love Norm’s brother. One question though; is Jeremy a duck? I mean, he doesn’t have a tail like Norm’s. Was Norm’s mom a duck and his dad a platypus?
RMMD: “These kids weren’t very popular you see, so it should be a quick check. We’ll catch up for drinks at 5.”
SFx: Zing! Boy, Boo-Boo looks PISSED in that last panel. I do appreciate the A3G head bobble in the second panel though, Bob.
Zits: They’re so happy to get rid of that van that they’re going to start doing it right there on the welcome mat.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:10 am
#8 – I don’t know which is more gross and unappetizing. Time for a vote, kidz! : D
The winner gets to sit in Gwampa Richard’s lap for five minutes.
1. The Mary Worth Tuna-licious casserole (I hate tuna unless it is fresh, in sushi)
2. Elly Foob’s copycat TC, but with 1 lb. of melted cheese on top-mmmmmmm
3. The Gil Thorp girl’s Taco mess
4. Josh’s own Taco Hell recipe
Vote now and you’ll receive a free wise n’ hearty platitude from Mary Worth herself! (or maybe from a phone operator standing in for the biddy)
March 28th, 2008 at 8:11 am
I’ve got nothing to snark that hasn’t been snarked already.
FOOB, FW – Creepy
Luann, MW – Maddening
A3G – Intriguing
PBS – Funny
March 28th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Perhaps this is the new framework of the strip; random Charterstoneheads will walk away from the pool party two-by-two, share an insignificant part of their distant past, then return to the party. Next up: Why Professor Chinbeard never grows a moustache.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I bet Shan…non will sing at the Lizthony Melding. Just wait. It will be glurge central, and there won’t be a dry seat in the house.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Re: No Country for Old Men: The Musical… For the past week, I’ve had stuck in my head the Saturday Night Live sketch “I Drink Your Milkshake,” a mashup of No Country and There Will Be Blood (with a bit of Juno thrown in at the end) reimagined as a Food Network show. One of the funniest things I’ve seen on SNL lately, and I haven’t even seen the movies in question.
By the way… as I type this, there is actually a Google ad at the top of the page for taco casserole. Damn it, we’re not talking about Christian Single Girl enough! Bring back Christian Single Girl!
March 28th, 2008 at 8:35 am
I know I am late in this thread but if I were Marvin’s Dad (and I am happily not), I would be pretty damn happy to hear my toddler say the word expediency. Then again, I could understand his sadness in having to hear his stupid wife’s “Belly Lafs” for 2 whole weeks.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Zits: Nice to see a couple still hot for each other after all these years.
Curtis: Saw the McCain reference and the last panel coming all week. Ho hum.
FBoFW: June wedding. I’m calling it.
Yesterday’s crossover: I like the idea that Ted has implicitly lied to Sallie about why he approached the concierge in the first place. Virtually in front of her.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:51 am
A Plugger’s bridal boutique is a crawlspace.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Could someone help me? I’m trying to find this week’s “Mary Worth” but I keep getting directed to some weird Chick Tract…
135-Poteet–Especially since the Miracle Dress has either a train or a bustle, as revealed today (at least, I’m almost certain that padding in the back isn’t entirely due to Liz’s butt…). Has Lynn ever actually seen a wedding dress?
March 28th, 2008 at 8:54 am
#195 TheDiva– I like to think of that bustle/train thing on the back of the dress as a “butt cascade”.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:59 am
A3G: Today’s Apartment 3-G is kind of like watching The Matrix, only with a white Lawrence Fishburne. Oh, they also managed to find a guy who’s even more wooden and boring than Keanu Reeves.
GT: We can tell Big Ray is back in town since his gravitational pull obviously makes Andrew’s arms too heavy to lift above his head.
MT: This story is going nowhere, and it’s in no hurry to get there.
RMMD: It’s difficult to tell what Rex is more anxious about in panel three: having to interview people grieving over the loss of a friend/family member, or having to once again fake medical training.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:01 am
I don’t think I’m ready to live in a world where the character of Marty Moon isn’t being played by a mirror-universe Vulcan.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:02 am
MW — Mary felt something moving. Mayber it was just indigestion. Pass some gas or throw up and your epiphany will be over.
A3G — Oh did I say woman? His name is Blaze. and he wears the cutest kerchief, bolo tie, and cowboy hat And speaking of hats, please put one on. The glare off of your scalp is penetrating my cool shades.
LuAnn — Good move Brad. This one is over before it even started.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:03 am
186. Tweeks: good call on Jeremy, Norm’s brother, being a mallard! and… wait… umm.. if we get a setup in whcih Norm says “Surely” and Jeremy replies with “Don’t call me Shirley”… I’m going to piss my pants laughing…
March 28th, 2008 at 9:04 am
FBOFW – Good Lord! Did Elizabeth really go with Michael and Dee, climb into a car, drive across town, and walk into her grandpa’s home wearing a wedding dress? Who marches around town in a wedding dress on anything but her wedding day? What would the neighbours think? They’d think there was a wedding going on that day, that’s what they’d think, and when they asked about it, they’d think these Pattersons were pretty stupid playing dressup like that.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:06 am
#196 – Perky Bird – let’s just shorten that to “asscade”.
FWIW – My mother got married in 1970, and her dress (which wouldn’t fit on my thigh) was in no condition to be worn to my 2005 wedding.
So, not only do I not buy it that Marion’s wedding dress is wearable, I also say it’s hideously ugly.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:09 am
154. Tats, re A3G: I like the Mo-town option: Eric and the Ten-tations! The tour schedule is brutal, though:
Lhasa (cancelled)
Qinghai (cancelled)
Xinjiang (cancelled)
Yak Camp #1 (cancelled)
156. Frank Parsnip re RMMD: …and here I thought the Unfortunate Incident books had been completed! Or is this a recently-discovered manuscript? Either way, I’ve just gotten my RDA of Vitamin C AND literary snark!
173. Calico re MW: and yet, this will not stop her from platitudizing…
“If a man is destined to drown, he will drown even in a spoonful of water. Although I find that hard to believe, given your bulk, Professor Cameron.”
“A drowning man will clutch at a straw. And that’s about all you’ve ever clutched at, Jeff, you impotent loser.”
“If you wish to drown, do not torture yourself with shallow water. That’s right, Dawn, dear…move out to the deep end — maybe under the diving board where someone can collide with you.”
“He who is drowned is not troubled by the rain. Yes, I’ve seen you, Toby, out in your perky little jogging suit, rain or shine. You’re a moron.”
March 28th, 2008 at 9:09 am
3/28
SFx: Don’t worry, BooBoo. I have a feeling you’ll have a nice, long idiot stage.
S4th: Apparently the depiction of loud rock musicians has changed not at all in the last 40 years.
RMMD: Rex: Andy, this is a list of your ex-girlfriends.
Count Morgu: Yeah, go to Rachel first. She still has my juicer.
DtM: If you want a totally wrong caption, Margaret could be saying, “I’ve seen it, and I happen to know it’s not that big.”
BB: So Sarge and Beetle are one of those couples who celebrate an anniversary by having a 3-way.
A3G: “Oh yes, bobbling is a good exercise too.”
9CL: The honeymoon is over, and the irritating geekdom has begun.
Momma: This is kind of funny. Francis looks like he’s taking Sonya in for show and tell.
DT: To clarify, Dick means that he’s going to unload his gun in the usual “shoot first, ask questions never” style. There are other interpretations, but he wouldn’t approve of them.
Agnes: So Trout’s brutal home life is fair game, then?
GA: The Self Styled Somnambulist may want to check his statemetnts for internal consitency. Amanda Lynn ain’t that dumb.
MC: So it’s still “Golden Girls”? Not “Golden Gorillas” or “Golden Retriever Girls”? Of all the things that could be constant across the Multiverse, I wouldn’t have figured on that one.
Popeye: Olive, if your Darwin Award winning boyfriend hasn’t figured it out, there’s not much you can do for him.
PreTeena: It’s a nice touch that Jeri interrupts her teacher while he’s combing the dating sites.
Luann: Frank deGroot’s last words to his son before the big date were, “Make sure you go off on a bitter tangent about her ex-boyfriend. Women love that.”
March 28th, 2008 at 9:12 am
#200 – Niall: My God. We know Ed’s a ‘Mudge, we can only pray he would be so cool as to give us fan service like that. I would die if he did, though. Maybe Norm’s mom was Shirley at least?
So today’s strip moved me to submit my second letter ever to Coffee Crap:
“I think the dialogue in today’s strip really sums up what’s been bothering me about this whole plot. Everyone else is telling Liz how it’s perfect and how she should wear it. Meanwhile Liz just has a couple passive statements while she gets shuffled along and absolutely everyone else plans her life. She’s a mere shadow of her former self now. No more than a puppet doing as everyone else wants.
What also strikes me is that’s the exact same reasoning used for Therese and what led to her problems. She’s just going along with everyone else’s plan and not really asserting herself at all. Of course that could be a good thing, maybe there’s hope for Liz to have an awakening and escape like Therese did.”
March 28th, 2008 at 9:13 am
FW Who is he talking to? Who. Is. He. Talking. To? This is making me way crazier than it should.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:13 am
#177 Whippersnapper –
“Foob: Hey, you know what would be fun? If we surprise our confused, aphasic grandfather by me showing up in his dead wife’s wedding dress! Idiots.”
Comment of the Week!
March 28th, 2008 at 9:18 am
FBOFW – The other thing is, I thought they were going over to Jim & Iris’s to ASK him about the wedding dress. Yet they just seem to assume that words are completely useless with the old man, Liz has to do a pantomime horse routine to get anything across. And how is an apparition in a wedding dress supposed to elicit an opinion, anyway? How is Jim supposed to know what they’re trying to convey to him? It’s just stupid. Even if they’re not sure he’ll be able to express a reaction, they shouldn’t assume he can’t understand them if they talk to him. At least Liz should have taken the dress off, brought it over in a box and shown it to him, and then explained what they wanted to do. (I’m deliberately not saying “ask permission”, because I can’t see how anyone else has any “rights” in this situation. But I assume that if Grandpa burst into tears at the sight of the dress, Liz would just behave decently and wouldn’t wear it.)
March 28th, 2008 at 9:19 am
BB: Sarge outsourcing to Cpl Yo is funny because he’s an Asian.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:19 am
38: You missed the “evil in support hose” strip?
MC: Norm’s brother is SOOOOOOO playing for Dingo’s team. (or at least cheerleading for it.)
March 28th, 2008 at 9:21 am
RE: Dick Tracy As I’ve said before, its increasingly obvious that Dick Locher has finally said “to hell with it,” and turned this strip into a full one “Sledge Hammer!” style parody of Dirty Harry-style cop conventions.
RE:FOOB Grandpa chin-nuts has lost it. He’s going to try and fuck Lizzie in an Alzheimers-induced fit of thinking its his dead wife.
RE: Mary Worth It can’t be a coincidence that Mary’s “foster dad” looks like Dr. Jeff, can it? \
March 28th, 2008 at 9:25 am
FOOB: Yeeeehawww, yet another ‘Mudgie infiltration of the foob-stalk! Either Lynn is out of the studio and her staff has had enough of her, or they’re just letting us rant so we all don’t go running up to Corbiel and drown them all in treacle…
“Oh my. Both rings that fit just perfectly. Grandma’s old dress that fits just perfectly. Francoise now gets along with Liz just perfectly. Liz turning into a Stepford Wife just perfectly.
I suppose next you’re going to have Elly turn a pumpkin into a carraige and mice into horses. This Liz-Anthony hookup has turned into a sappy fairy-tale, so why not?
Joe, Michigan”
March 28th, 2008 at 9:29 am
The Glurge-O-Meter is off the scale at Coffee Stalk; evidently after the rampant abuse by Joe and True Fable, it’s all sweetness and light and bunny rabbits to soothe the masses today.
One writer is comparing that “marvelous O. Henry” story to the Liz and Asshathony tournament of destruction and using it as the rationale as to why they DON’T need to say “I love you.” (Of course, the writer can’t manage to remember the name of the story, but I digress.)
Another is hoping that these two saps have children together “ESPECIALLY a girl!”. Ah, well, I suppose it’s better than hoping that they have “three children — one of each!”…
March 28th, 2008 at 9:29 am
FOOB: Or maybe he thinks he granddaughter is a fucking nutcase for driving across town in a decades-old wedding dress, traipsing through the retirement community while the spectators wonder if they need to up their medications.
Or maybe he thinks it just another day in stroke-town.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:30 am
FOOB: Make it stop! Please make it stop! The treacle! It Burns! it Burns!
FW: he’s going to put spy cameras in the ladies bathroom isn’t he?
March 28th, 2008 at 9:32 am
#212, 213: I liked this one from Frank in Texas…
“What is Deanna thinking? Doesn’t she know that Elizabeth has a history of giving away her grandparents’ precious heirlooms? If she and Anthony are truly “taking it slowly,” there’s a good chance that she’ll have given the dress to one of her students before the wedding rolls around!”
Tongue firmly in cheek, I’d say.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:36 am
212. Joe: drat, I missed yours, Joe! I was just fuming about the O. Henry reference (that FOOB comes close to anything that might be considered literature chaps my ample hide), and I think I must’ve blacked out for a moment. One of these days, a ‘Mudge is going to claim the Mug O’ Shame!
March 28th, 2008 at 9:36 am
MW – Mary felt something shift inside her. And from the way the man is standing behind her, his pelvis thrust oh so delicately forward, I think we all know what that something is. Too bad she doesn’t look too happy about it. Maybe it’s because she has it confused with God.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:37 am
you’re meant to be touched
grampas induced confusion
prelude to his end
March 28th, 2008 at 9:47 am
#203 – Ha! Thanks.
FOOB – Yes, it’s wonderful that The Lizard will be wearing a heinous, out of date, flyspecked fiber composite eaten by moths and the years. How apropos.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:48 am
#206 – Le chat bleu, methinks.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:48 am
MW: “I felt something shift inside … I discovered, as Cathy’s mother (whom I suspiciously resemembled even more than Cathy resembled her) slowly shifted me closer to Cathy, that I liked Cathy is more than just a ‘friend’ … being the ‘entertainment’ for Cathy’s father tonight was going to be as much fun for Cathy and I as for him!”
March 28th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Hrm. So Marvin’s traded in his baby wear for regular child clothes, has started speaking in precocious, verbally complex sentences and developed a snarky world-weary attitude? Why don’t they just turn Bitsy into a stuffed tiger and make the rip off complete?
March 28th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Sheeze, what’s with the comics today? Is it incest and pedophilia day or something? MW is being “shifted” toward Cathy for the enjoyment of Cathy’s father? Gramps is about to mistake Lizardbreath for Grams and make out with her (I think someone already called what’s obviously about to happen)? It’s as if the author of RMMD is ghostwriting some of the other strips now!
March 28th, 2008 at 9:54 am
#156 Frank Parsnip,
I loved your Lemony Snicket pastiche. If you are looking for a happy ending, set it down right now and read different comics snark.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Tomorrow’s Luann (assuming they go to dinner before the ball): “Okay, Toni, you had the two glasses of wine and the filet mignon. I only had the one beer and the chicken marsala. So let’s see, your share is…aw, screw it! Let’s just split the bill fifty/fifty!”
March 28th, 2008 at 10:01 am
#144 bats:) “buh buh boooooooobs!”
GT: Not only do I miss Evil Spock Marty Moon, the new guy’s version of Moon looks exactly like my high school art teacher. The one who got arrested for taking nude pictures of his teenage student girlfriend in the city park.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:05 am
26–OMG, I wish that weren’t actually a believable scenario for Brad.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Thanks, Gadzooky, even though I have taken that tour any number of times.
I have bookmarked a newspaper (in Texas I think) which prints nearly all the comics mentioned in this blog regularly and I must say that I “read” only about 5-6 of them and skim the others, or ignore them. Forgive me for saying what many people have said over and over: most current comics are pure shit, poorly drawn, without humour, sense, plot, drama. Useless non-entertainment. I will paraphrase, as I have done many times, Holden Caulfield, to explain why we keep looking at dreck like FOOB: it’s so putrid we can’t take out eye off it.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Michael was so impressed by the ring that he channeled Gap-Toothed Hoo guy! Wonder if he will be invited to the wedding? Probably just the reception. I can only imagine that he is known for not now or forever holding his peace, ruining several marriage ceremonies by shouting “Hoo!” at inopportune moments.
March 28th, 2008 at 11:40 am
#213–Yesssss, they would want a little girl. A girl who can be forced into a marriage (finally! perhaps at age 13!) that her parents arrange.
You know, at least Lynne has followed the trajectory she foreshadowed. For a while it was for better, now it is for utterly worse and worse.
killmarry them off already and exit stage right.(And to those who asked a few yesterthreads ago, yes, I am a big fforde ffan. Sometimes I use Thursday, sometimes I use her mother’s name.)
March 28th, 2008 at 11:52 am
#155 Tats – Too, too true. Jungle Patrol it is!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
FOOB
Here, Liz….I found this *snicker* in the crawlspace. I swear it’s not coated in mouse feces. You’re going to look BEAUTIFUL on your *snicker* big day!
I swear, sometimes I think this whole marriage is just an elaborate prank on the part of the Patterson family. Ha Ha! We got you to marry a wimpy fool, and your wedding dress? It IS coated in MOUSE FECES! You got PUNK’D!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
By the way, about Taco Casserole; it’s good comfort food. You put a layer of Fritos in a casserole dish, then follow it with a layer of seasoned shredded beef, a layer of salsa, a layer of refried beans, then top it with a thin layer of monterey jack cheese. Bake it, and serve it with a little sour cream and/or hot sauce. It’s actually pretty good.
March 28th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
FOOB – How long will the Miss Haversham 2008 Tour of Canada go on? Will Lizanthony have to wear the dress for a few more days as she shows it to extended family to make sure they all approve of and justify her decisions, or will she just go for it and wear it for months until the wedding?
Luann – This is so cruel it’s actually painful to read. Brad should just turn the car around, drop Toni off at Dirk’s, head home and fire up the computer for his usual Saturday date night activities.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
The Sally Forth/Pearls crossover brings up the question, should comic strip characters have intercourse?
March 28th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Snuffy Smith: And now we see the origin of Bill, the Magic Depression-Curing puppy.
March 28th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Yessir, in West Virginia we loooooove havin’ sex with our kin! Sometimes we do it with our shoes on jest fer shits ‘n giggles.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Someone said Sally Forth is HOT?? Kidding, right? Unless you mean “hot in an Ann Landers sort of way.” I don’t think so, bud.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
hey, i make an *excellent* enchillada casserole! no cream of mushroom soup involved. every time i make it and bring it to work the next day, my coworkers cluster forlornly around my desk and longingly sniff my lunch.
March 28th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
FOOB: What are the chances ANY man, anywhere, really, would take one look at a wedding gown and think/say, “Hey, that’s the gown my wife got married in! I remember it so well!” Much less a gown from 60 years ago? But in Foobville, Gramps will behold the splendor of a 60 year old wedding dress and shed a single sentimental tear, remember, oh, so very well, how beautiful his bride looked…..
(wavery lines here)
I predict a walk down memory lane next week.
March 29th, 2008 at 12:35 am
I’m so disappointed in everyone who only gained “new respect” for Ces because of this recent mention. Ces used to be a not entirely infrequent commenter on this blog in its beginning days! And his rather hot missus was one of the first models for Josh’s merchandise.
Plus his own blog and site are awesome.
March 29th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Ces wins at life.
Marvin appears to be trying to be Calvin. He’s doing it wrong.
Also, wedding dresses don’t keep that well. My mother offered me hers, but we discovered that it was rather discolored and moth-eaten. They are white, for goodness’ sake.
March 29th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
#133 A New Day, re Mary Worth’s mother remarried: Oh, let it go. Being a single mother probably was legitimately difficult back in the 1880s when Mary was a child. Can’t you just see Mary’s mother, working 12-hour shifts at a shirtwaist factory, trying to scrape together enough money to feed her ungrateful daughter who won’t even take on a job of her own?
March 31st, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Re: Marvin and experiments with babyspeak, my favorite along those lines will always be Grundoon from “Pogo,” who spoke in random consonants that only other kids seemed to understand.
“What you think of that, Grundoon?”
“Mnpx. Gpss. Twzkd. Znp.”
“Think so? Well, mebbe….”
April 6th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Somebody tell Brad that Toni got the gout.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
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