The Comics Curmudgeon

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The Earth says hello!

Hey, it seems like a lot of the comics put out by King Features did an Earth Day tribute today! Let’s take a look at three of the strips that took this very nice day when we should be thinking about the environment and made it sick and wrong.

Mary Worth, 4/22/08

Mary Worth may actually be the strip that most successfully incorporated the holiday into its inner milieu, since it provides a perfect platform for Mary’s suffocating sanctimony. “So, what did you do, Toby? Oh, had dinner with some friends? Breathing the precious oxygen that the tree I planted is putting out? Well, that sounds nice, if frivolous.”

Beetle Bailey, 4/22/08

Beetle Bailey willfully and horrifyingly misconstrues the concept of tree-hugging, which is nothing new for this strip. Today we’re forced to contemplate repulsive man-on-tree sex of the sort usually reserved for the most depraved hentai comics.

Dennis the Menace, 4/22/08

Dennis the Menace actually just added a new, Earth Day-friendly caption to a pre-existing comic in which Dennis takes Joey to secluded forest clearing and forces him to dig a shallow grave for himself.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 22, 2008 at 08:42 pm and is filed under Beetle Bailey, Dennis the Menace, Mary Worth.

298 responses to “The Earth says hello!”

Hysterical Woman
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

Killer thought he was using the tree to get to Miss Buxley, but it turns out he loved the tree all along.
Josh Millard
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

make her stop staring at me OH GOD MAKE HER STOP STARING AT ME
J.S.
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

Joey’s scrawny little leg is truly frightening.
Brendan
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

The most depraved hentai comics, and Evil Dead. Don’t forget Evil Dead.
BGH
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

“So, Mary, what did you do this past weekend?”

“What I do every weekend, Pinky, try to inflate my already gigantic ego by taking hapless people down a few pegs.”
Mischief Maker
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

You do realize Killer’s going to be possessed by the Evil Dead very soon.
Mischief Maker
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

Jinx!
That Man Dan
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t taking his friend out into the woods and forcing him to dig his own grave whilst pondering his ultimate fate actually make Dennis menacing?
Sorako-chan
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

A tree? Mary planted a fuzzing tree?! And we didn’t see any of it?! No delightful images of Mary squirming uncomfortably at the thought of touching soil not sold by the bag? No entrancing shots of her glaring at the poor sapling while noting “It’s so bland! Why don’t we plant some nice roses instead!” Man, next story line better pretty good, because if that’s what we missed, we’ve got a buttload of good comics karma comin’ our way.
Benjamin Baxter
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

And yet the award for most ludicrous play on words during Earth Day goes to Hagar the Horrible.

http://awaitingtenure.wordpress.com/
Niall
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

Every time I’ve seen that Beetle Bailey panel (three times today), I’m reminded of the eerily similar scene in The Last Unicorn when Schmendrick the magician is at the mercy of a tree he be-spelled when trying to free himself from being tied to it. And this was in ostensibly a teen movie! (…okay, it’s a very amusing scene, and the movie’s a guilty pleasure for me. Including Mia Farrow’s singing.) (The image does not give the, um, full scene view. Mudgeons may thank me for it.)
Derelict
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

I’m not too sure about Killer’s love affair with the tree. I seem to remember that trees behaving that way featured prominently in Poltergeist and ended up trying to swallow one of the kids whole.
Hank
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

RE: Earth Day Strips. The only recycling these strips inspire in me is recycling a bit of my dinner up into my mouth.
Hank
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

RE: Funky Winkerbean. I would say that, at this point, Funky
is simply another “soap opera” strip, ala Mary Worth or Mark Trail.
However, at this point, both Mary Worth and Mark Trail actually have
more genuine laughs.

RE: Dilbert. Is anyone else finding this sequence vaguely
xenophobic or bigoted? Oh well, at least it’s not an “earth day”
diatribe.
Mischief Maker
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

Mary’s facelift is really showing in panel 2.
Niall
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

Benjamin Baxter: Absolutely agreed on Hagar.
Donald The Anarchist
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

“I don’t know why YOU’RE so scared Joey. I gotta walk out o’ these woods all by myself!”
Anomaly
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

Is Mary looking at the reader that necessary? Does the artist not respect our intelligence enough to know that it’s Earth Day without her telling us directly?
Hawkeye
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

So Mary’s trying to stop two brothers from feuding and is planting trees for Earth Day? Carefully, Mary, you don’t want to interfere in too many things at once, otherwise nothing will get meddled properly and you’ll have to start all over. AND NO ONE WANTS THAT.
Sorako-chan
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

#9 That Man Dan
Yes, that would make him menacing. However, we no longer get to read the Dennis the Mennace in which that version of the strip was printed. No, they switched that with Dennis the Anti-Mennace, (also called Dennis the Mildly-Annoying-Yet-Eco-Friendly-All-Around-Good-Kid) to keep the blue-hairs quiet, and just forgot to change the title. Just like Spider-man was switched long ago with Peter Parker Watches TV, The Story of the Google-Man
Sorako-chan
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

Dennis reveals his true secret today- he’s really a 45-year old man who hasn’t shaved in days and has bleached his hair macaroni yellow. This still does not file him as “menacing”, maybe “creepy pedophile”. It also does not explain nor excuse his lack of neck. Even the most creepy pedophiles usually have those.
Ben
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe no one has mentioned today’s absolutely terrifying Judge Parker, which apparently took the “death threat” approach to celebrating Earth Day. I’m not sure what’s worse: the completely unnecessary quotation marks, or the yellow recycle bin. Seriously, everything about this strip is just slightly removed from reality.
Rusty
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

DtM: The kids have either a strange ability to have dirt expertly smudged half way up their faces, or they are sporting the cartoon version of 5 o’clock shadow.
Sorako-chan
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

#22 Ben
Oh good lord, I hadn’t seen that. I thought today’s Rex Morgan was pretty weird, but that really does look like a death threat. I know it’s very important to recycle, I’m an environmentalist. But seriously, that looks almost Big Brother. BIG YELLOW RECYCLING BIN IS WATCHING YOU

That thing has a lot of soulless eye-staring going on for something without eyes
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

My wife reads the comics in the early evening…her comment:

“God, these Earth Day comics totally suck!”

She’s right.

The Rex Morgan and Judge Parker phone-it-in were the absolute worst.
Doug Puthoff
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

4-23

GT–Marty Moon now looks less like either Mirror Universe Spock or Mitch Miller and more like some 1990s grunge band singer.
Burrill
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

Is it odd that Mary isn’t planting a tree in honor of the earth, but instead is planting it in honor of Earth Day? It seems like Earth Day would encourage one to think about the earth, but Mary seems more impressed with the day itself.
LTBF
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

14-Maybe FW will take a cue from Mary orth and have Wally and Funky kill each other.
Eridani
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

Well at least Joey can go out in a nice environment with butterflies, birds, green grass, and most likely woodland creatures. But even though Dennis will bludgeon his friend to death with a plastic toy shovel, he at least hangs his toe tag on the nearby tree.
Trilobite
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Oh, so that’s where the trees in Evil Dead got the idea…
rhymes with puck
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

MW: Is ‘planting a tree in honor of Earth Day’ some strange type of euphemism for watching a couple of middle-aged brothers fight like a couple of little girls at their mothers’ deathbed?
Themarc
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

ASM: Hey guys, it’s the Vulture! Y’know the Vulture, don’cha? No, of course you don’t. That’s because he’s a C-list villain whose primary purpose is to pad out the rosters of supervillain team-ups, like the Sinister Six, or… um… the Sinister Twelve. And we’re not even getting the original Vulture, Adrian Toomes. Instead, we’re getting his lame-o replacement, the second Vulture, whose name I can’t be bothered to remember.

This is the newspaper Spidey universe, however; everything’s backwards here. This is the continuity in which Peter Parker is a lazy whiner (instead of a physically active whiner), Doc Ock is a bumbling moron, and the Shocker is an actual threat, even on his own. As such, we might be in for some actual action, seeing as how the Vulture is one of the few Spidey-villains less intimidating than the Shocker. (He can fly! If he’s wearing his special outfit. Wow.) Hopefully Spider-Man will face Walrus-Man next.

On a slightly related note, I wrote a theme song for Walrus-Man, to be sung to the tune of the Spider-Man theme song from the 70s:

Walrus-Man, Walrus-Man!
Does whatever a walrus can!

He can waddle super slow
on his belly. Look at ‘im go!

Look out! Here comes the Walrus-Man!

What’s his deal? Where’s he from?
I’ve no idea, just know he’s dumb.

Is he actually all that lame?
Truth be told, he’s pretty tame.

Look out! Here comes the Walrus-Man!
Poteet
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

My least favorite Earth Day strip was FC, but then I hated Billy already. As for Mary Worth, isn’t Charterstone supposed to be in California? I have visions of her planting her tree plunk in the middle of one of California’s tiny remaining patches of native prairie. And the tree was probably a eucalyptus.
christian
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

The Vulture was actually the first or second supervillian Spider-Man fought (I think the first was the Chameleon).

The more I think about it the more I realize that maybe the newspaper Spider-Man is more ‘accurate’ then the comic Spidey. I like Spidey ’cause he’s a hapless nerd. In the comics and movies he gets heaps of hot dates (okay, he gets that in the comic, but still) and is all-around competant. The newspaper Peter Parker is closer to my own life – which is why i love Peter Parker. They just need to merge this with Funky Cancerbean and i’ll have my perfect strip!
Domitia
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

Today’s “Beetle Bailey” can be summarized as “Soldiers love wood” — a classic example of subtext becoming text.
mollificent
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

#22 and #24: Thank you! I had the same feeling of slightly nauseous unease about JP’s Earth Day strip, but couldn’t put it into words. *shudder*. Where’s my copy of 1984?
Talking Squirrel
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

19: Hawkeye “So Mary’s trying to stop two brothers from feuding and is planting trees for Earth Day?”

She solved the brotherly battle by killing them both, digging a hole, throwing them in and then planting a tree on top of them so the neighbors wouldn’t wonder why granny was out back digging such a big hole.
Arglebargle
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

11 Niall

Ha ha! I’ve been intending to load up a batch of caps of TLU at Film_Stills for a while now; I better hurry up and get ‘er done. Dang, that tree had some tig ol’ bitties, didn’t she?

Going totally off-topic: We dodged a bullet on TLU, fans. A few years ago when Lord Of The Rings was the alpha and the omega, a small Aussie studio set out to do a live-action version of TLU; they even signed Mia Farrow and Christopher Lee–although Farrow was going to play a different role–and author Peter S. Beagle wrote the screenplay.

Unfortunately, there were two bits of bad, bad news; first, the title critter was going to be played by a pony with a plastic horn. (God.) Second, the project kept changing directors, and finally settled on the guy who helmed Under Siege 2: Dark Territory and Freejack. Why? He was a unit director on LOTR.

…Okay, okay, stop screaming. The project went absolutely nowhere for years and then it died, quietly. It waits for more competent hands. In the meantime, we got the toon and the original stor(ies), and I’m grateful for that.
Talking Squirrel
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

29: Eridani “But even though Dennis will bludgeon his friend to death with a plastic toy shovel, he at least hangs his toe tag on the nearby tree.”

DTM looked across to the facing page and saw what Meddlin’ Mary was up to. This led him to follow suit by raping and killing Margaret, and then burying her underneath that self-same tree which is obviously newly planted.

And then decorating the tree cheerily in memoriam, with her tampon.

Joey stumbled upon the gash-slash fest and now he, too, must die, poor ignorant tool that he’s always been.
Shoebox
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

Oh, man. All I know is, I read the phrase ‘man-on-tree sex’ about an hour ago and am still giggling intermittently. Possibly because this may be the single funniest thing the Walker legacy has ever produced…and it’s completely sick and wrong.

Speaking of truly disturbing comic subtext…I haven’t read Funky Winkerbean until just lately, so I don’t know if this is something that’s evolved over time, but man, do Batiuk’s characters look angry. No lighthearted comic exaggeration there at all. To the point where you kind of have to wonder if drawing this strip is the only thing keeping this man from walking into a crowded office building with an Uzi.
Derek
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

That’s quite a 5-o’clock shadow on Dennis…

I… I’m officially menaced.
LTBF
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker-The current action is set on a farm. That could easily be used in an Earth Day strip. Maybe the pot dealers could use low energy light bulbs to grow the weed.

Rex Morgan-They said to keep clean during the MRSA epidemic. Be sure to clean with enviromentally friendly soap, people.

See how easy that was?
Muffaroo
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

MW – In Mary Worth, an hour takes weeks to happen, and during that hour, there might be little call-outs to Chinese New Year, Easter, Earth Day, and Cinco de Mayo. No wonder everybody in Mary’s world is a nut case. They don’t know if they’re old before their time, or if time itself is out of joint!
Hasty Penguin
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

If everyone who actually bothers to clean up garbage put the same amount of effort into cleaning up the garbage that Mary Worth does into any sort of effort for a comic in general, the world would probably be twice as dirty every Earth Day.
Muffaroo
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

DT – This is the end! Vil Lane has become ugly enough to be shot on sight, and no amount of conceptual interpretive dance is going to save him now.

GT – Another precious opportunity for humor is blown as we go down the entire team roster. Hughes is shortstop? You dimwit! Hughes On First!

MF – “In honor of Earth Day, this comic strip is recycling old, tired jokes…” That’s right, kids. For Mallard Fillmore, every day is Earth Day!

S-M – The Vulture’s Dwight-Fry-like pal has the sense to keep his voice down. What’s wrong with Blackie? Do his super powers not include discretion?
Muffaroo
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

BB – Killer’s all shook up! He’s itchin’ like a man in a fuzzy tree!
Batman Beatles
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

I too thought of the Poltergeist tree.
bats :[
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

22. Ben…hush…it’s okay…the JP folks just let their staff out early to plant a tree or hug a tree or do something sordid with a tree. Fortunately, a few folks were available to finish it for them:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2433698865/

(Although I *am* cheesed that the blood-letting at the end of the town hall meeting in Rex Morgan was not broadcast in favor of running a bumper sticker…)
Toronto
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

Doug @ 26: as a kid, I always noticed the similarity between Dennis’s mud face and the snouts on the bums in “Grin and Bear It!” – at one point I believed they (Dennis and Joey) were doing it intentionally while playing ‘truck driver’ and other fun kidsports from years gone by.
RaJ
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

What these comics prove, more than anything, is that comics artists love nature almost as much as they hate drawing it. Trees, bushes, animal life… everything about the outdoors in these strips is indistinct, in total darkness or else monstrously out of proportion. The Mary Worth strip is by far the worst, having decided that Mary should deliver her sermon nfrom that exemplar of nature, a concrete patio.

(To be fair, if she ever were in the woods she might be eaten by bears, which I’ve heard hate platitudes. Which of course is all the more reason for her to go.)
KT
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

Mutts’ Earth Day cartoon is weird. The cat and dog (wish I could remember their names) have become thousands of miles tall, and are sitting on the Earth’s Arctic ice sheet, creating tremendous geological pressure and distorting the entire planet into a cardioid shape.

That’s not the weird part. The weird part is that, going by the coloring, the oceans and landmasses have switched places! From here I can see the vast blue oceans of North and South America, Africa and Europe, and in between them the vast Atlantic continent. Peering closer, I can see the Peninsula of Mexico, cut into by the Bay of Florida, and the Mediterranean Peninsula with the Bay of Italy halfway along its length. Oh yes, and Lakes Greenland and Scandinavia.
JP (not Judge Parker)
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

I have to say that since I only read my comics on-line, I am little disappointed that I don’t get to see how amazingly brilliant JP and RMMD must have looked on black-and-white newsprint.

BB: I like Plato (I think that’s who it is, anyway) in the background. He’s trying to do good, but the rush for an Earth Day-themed strip left him with an incomplete sentence. Plus, I’m not sure he’s accomplishing much by throwing away marshmallows.
Buck Ripsnort
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

BB: There’s never a knot-hole where you need one. . .
Buck Ripsnort
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

And the only decent Earth-day strip today was Sally Forth– “Didn’t we vow to save the earth on the 20th anniversary of earth-day?”
Arglebargle
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

I am reminded of the “argument” that Al Gore is a hypocrite because he uses electricity, fuel, oxygen, space, and food that he didn’t grow and harvest personally.

Of course, if he lived naked in a cave, then he would be a nutjob–and you shouldn’t listen to hypocrites OR nutjobs!
Arglebargle
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Best Earth Day Strip goes not a print strip, but to Wonderella. Second-best gorilla-shark fight ever!

Maakies gets the runner-up!
bats :[
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

Humpday Funnies (although Killer got started a day early, apparently):

A3G: LuAnn? That guy who says your paintings speak to him? That’s only late at night after he’s been strapped to his bed and locked in his room. Then the flowers begin to sing, in high, squeaky voices…

FC: …and hideous aberrations of marriage continue at the Keane Kompound unabaited…film at 11.

MT: shock!

Mutts: awwwwwwww!

MW: all right! Mary’s getting hit on! (Now wasn’t this better than lying to us all and saying you’d been out planting a tree, Mary?)

FOOB: huh? What? Oh, just can it, clown.

Brewster Rockit: suddenly, I somehow feel responsible in part for Brewster’s predicament:
http://news.yahoo.com/comics/brewsterrockit;_ylt=AvigmRXNmdaGON2V750ygBoD_b4F
dreadedcandiru2
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

Cathy (Must Die): There’s only one flaw with these two worthless chunks of genetic flotsam’s scheme to force their children to support their wasteful, selfish lifestyle: they’re probably sterile. At least I hope they are.

FBoFW: Oh, Sweet Marigold!! Another damned pun, Martian? You’re looking less mature every day.

FW: Today’ Chunky Greedybean blames the school for his failings as a father and a human being. Tomorrow, he slams the internet.
bats :[
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

You see, there’s a basic difference between Josh and me. Josh reads the comics so you don’t have to. I have bad enough eyesight that when I see something hideous, I want to share it (just to make sure that I’m not misinterpreting it).
Look, and be repulsed!

http://www.fbofw.com/fun/dress_april/

(Just keeping whispering to yourself: “It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been ____.”)
True Fable
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

FBoFW We find out what a Patterfriend plans to do, like we care, only to have the Valuable Saying made by April in the last panel make absofuckinlutely no sense whatsoever. What? April had hold of Duncan’s knob? and why is Evah laughing, unless she’s stoned out of her mind? It made no sense but not enough of a non sequitor to make it hardy-har-har yuckworthy.

Way to go, Lynnie Baby – you’re just Begging for editors all over the world to implore you to stop and retire, aren’t you? Well, you certainly have that request from certain Goatherds from Small Southern Rural Communities, kiddo.
Lisa
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

a V8? :o)
True Fable
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

# 59 bats :[ – Sweetheart, your assignment, should you decide to accept it, is to make some REAL clothes for Babyfat April to wear – spiked dog collars or a Maple-leaf Thong or a 20-years-in-the-future PatterAss. Or better yet, give her some clothes that look like something a teenager would actually want to wear!
bats :[
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

63. True Fable: nah, I draw the line at haute Hawaiian shirt couture for Mr. bats :[ and the occasional religiously-themed FC vest…
At least anyone designing for Apes will have to deal with less fabric than a bolt, as opposed to if one were draping the divine Elly…
The Naked Earthy Bandit In Search of Lusty Babes With Whips And Power Strips
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

Hey, the private making out with the tree in Beetle Bailey isn’t even touching it with his pelvis. he looks kind of stunned… if anything, that man is being molested by the flora. horny elm. there is nothing like a man in uniform to drive a wallflower mad, though…

trees put out their lives every day, and double on christmas, in untold numbers; i think it’s only near to decent for us to give back a little bit of the respect they’ve probably come to not even miss, after so much time being made into the papers that carry the shreds of humor to us, accompanied by accepted tales of famine murder and idolized glamor-pussery, in our disturbingly desensitized animal world. i hate being debbie downer, and this is no forum for finger-waggling (leave that to mary worth) but it’s just like the dogs don’t even seem to thank them for being makeshift toilets…

as a total outcast from modern society, i am looking forward to the day when i can dig my own makeshift grave, and leave instructions for dennis to chuck me there… far from water sources… preferably some time far from now… rather than let the funeral industry lock my carbon-based form, once having sanitized it far-from-hope-of-natural-decomposition, into the unappreciated carcass of another random sylvan spirit, cut down among millions, in order to sustain the chemical corporations that manufacture embalming fluid, and deny the planet its natural course of nitrogen refurbishment. i mean, it’s disaster on the scale of a comic strip filled with nothing but Slylock Fox for ALL OF ETERNITY.

harrumph… pardon me, tree-baby ranting.

i’m sorry to be all crusty, but arbor day and earth day just aren’t enough to remind us of how much we’ve got to change in the next few years if we don’t want to be soon leaving this planet peopled by concrete and insects. okay, hooray for the internet and the information and community it provides, but i think that every day ought to be earth day.

i’m sad i didn’t plant any CO2-emitting things this weekend. this may be the only time that i would openly take mary worth as a role model… although i find myself admiring her unusually classed-up businesswoman attire today, too.
True Fable
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

# 61 bats :[ – wow, who would have thought that April has some Concentration Camp Prisoner’s workpants in her closet? Geez, Mike and Dee must be some tough people to babysit for.

And hippie pants with the trim around the hem? and the Pregnant Red Slutdress, the Abbey Spencer Painting the Office ‘Do-rag, and the sheer curtain skirt (”I just saw this in the window and had to get it!”)? Oh dear lord, what is that mishmosh of rags with the ring cinch in the center of the chest? I won’t wonder why April never seems to have many friends any more.

Sweet Rolly Church of Crete, Lynn; stop doing anything concerning teenagers! You can’t write their dialog, you can’t define their ideas and you sure as fuck can’t design their wardrobes. Stick to drawing bitter overeating harpies and their ineffective husbands, atta girl.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Hey all,

Thanks for the comment on the blog. It’s not like there’s a school for writing comics, so when I read Mel’s reaction to the wake storyline (essentially the e-mail equivalent of *GASP!*), I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just alienating people. ;) My day job is far easier in this aspect (but obviously MUCh less fun).

commadorejohn

Thanks for introducing me to the term ‘Cerebus syndrome’, as well as that ‘tv trope’ website. To a pop-culture junkie such as myself, it’s like crack. I can’t stop reading it (people still read crack, right?).

Lisa

About the second name in the strip credits: That’s Melissa DeJesus. In truth she does nothing for the strip. I do everything. I just lost a bar bet to her once and now I have to put her name in everything i do.

Ok, that’s not true…she’s the strip’s artist and co-creator. She’s WAY talented. She does ‘Sokora Refugees’ for Tokyopop and is a member of the all-girl art studio Estrigous Studios.

She’s also one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Completely upbeat and adorable.

In fact, we’re planning a non-My Cage animation pitch this summer…provided we can get the merchandise and website we want to do done. :)
Carly
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:05 am [Reply]

You can also save energy by either cooking less or making your kitchen more energy efficient, as I understand. This may be what Joey’s parents are doing, as it would explain his skinny, skinny legs.
The Naked Earth-Kissing Bandit Banned in Six or Seven (okay, forty) States
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

#2- Josh, if Mary’s looking right at you, you are probably clinically in need of a good meddling. not that she knows much about “good” meddling perse, as much as disaffected meddling in general.

#15- Is it me, or does Mary have a Hillary Clinton thing going?

#27- I’d agree it is really sad and true the impression given by Mary’s enthusiasm, but if it weren’t for flash-in-the-pan bandwagon environmentalism, the conservation movement would be even more pathetically underfunded than it already is… although now that the TV cable channels are incorporating more “green awareness” in their programming, there may be hope for schlubs of even FOOB-ian character proportions to pitch in and make big differences in easy non-time-consuming increments. that is not a snark… !! :)

#44- delayed reaction fffaw

to all you nay-sayers, scoff if you must, but unless you’ve got a private rocketship, remember this– the earth is our hoooooooomee!!!!
Nekrotzar
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

OK, it’s after midnight and Earth Day is over. Everyone go out to your car, turn on the engine, and let it run overnight.
Weaselboy
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

Did Dr. Jeff give Mary that pearl necklace?
Rhekarid
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:30 am [Reply]

Planting a tree does not take a whole weekend. I think what Mary means by “helped” is that she stood behind the people planting it and lectured them on how to do it right, gradually branching out into meddling on other subjects, and it took so long because by the end only a few people were still alive.
Trilobite
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:45 am [Reply]

I read Wednesday’s comics against the advice of my physician:

Gil Thorp: Mimi’s gotten saucier since the artist changeover; maybe her new hairstyle has given her more confidence, although I think you have to be pretty damn confident to begin with in order to walk into the salon and demand that they cut your bangs into the shape of a handlebar mustache. Still, the free press will inevitably bring her down in the end. I think Marty Moon is the only journalist left in the world who’s willing to speak truth to power. (He’s also willing to drink Sterno squeezed through a rag if the liquor store is closed, but I don’t know if that’s related.)

Anyway, if they’re going to cop out and use Comic Sans for their lettering, the least they could do is spell-check it: I mean, “athelete”? Sheesh.

Mary Worth: It must have been a very difficult year if Ron is actually hitting on MARY WORTH when he’s got a hospital full of nurses around him. But maybe I’m misjudging him. Maybe he just wants to share hair-care tips with her, since they apparently get theirs cut at the same place.

The Onanistic Horror that is FBoFW: Okay, so the art is horrible, what with everyone now having the physiques of ventriloquists’ dummies, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t actually laugh at today’s strip. And maybe even for the right reason, assuming that the “let go of the knob” line is meant to be a joke about how much time this dude spends masturbating. It is, right?
True Fable
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

Between Friends OR, FOOB Lite Good LORD, this comic has been channeling Lynn Johnston’s brand of I’m-So-Old and Does-This-Make-My-Ass-Look-Fat humor lately and it’s really pissing me off. STOP IT right now, you have a perfectly nice little humor strip so don’t go fucking it up with bullshit.
Cathy (Must Die!) Sweat Drops-1. Pointy Finger-1. Comparison with Non-Selfish Ideal-1.
Cleats Today’s is actually Funny, and what’s really odd for me is, I can’t STAND Curious George. Go figure.
Curtis Blackjack? Drugs? Stocks? I’m almost curious.
DtM Today, Margaret is the Menace.
(WT)DT It’s getting to where a man can’t do the Electric Boogaloo without the whole world staring and wondering.
FC Not only did Jeffy’s clown doll pray the other day, now he’s getting married to Barbie by Dolly in a somewhat suspiciously worded ceremony. Can you say, “annullable?”
FT Oh christ, not ANOTHER Lynn clone!
FBoFW Take a look at this strip and ask yourself, “would I want to imitate THAT?”
FW “We had hall monitor checkpoints equipped with machine guns! Those were the days, by god!”
GF I admit I quit reading Get Fuzzy a week ago and was not inspired to want to start again today, either. It’s just…off, I dunno. Uninspiring.
(WTF)GT Get ‘em, girlfriend! Get Marty in shape for the World Class Drink-off for Non-Athletic Wannabes later this year!
JP Abbey does not strike me as someone who can cook any better than Sam Driver can. This might be kind of fun, except for the whole We Still Have No Less Than Four Hanging Plot Threads dangling out there to follow.
Luann Hey, all you “Bernice the Frustrated Lesbian” fans! Little Miss Sour and Sassy is back in form and hateful as ever!
MT Tomorrow, Bill will STILL be gone!
Marmadick Honey, I shrunk my owner.
MW Ron plans to hit on Mary! …what?
MC *snerk!*
Phantom These two STILL haven’t figured out that Hunky-Waiter-Who-Wears-Sunglasses-Indoors-At-Night was the Unknown Commander? And he still wants to hire them?
Sounds more like Unknown-Commander-Wants-To-Give-Them-His-Patented-Short-Arm-Inspection to me.
RMDS It’s time to see some bodies around here! – wait, this isn’t Dick Tracy. Never mind.
S-M Not that he’s never been ridden in jail before.
mollificent
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 am [Reply]

True Fable–here’s a little present for you, courtesy of my friend Karen’s recent trip to Maui. Enjoy! :D (The next two pictures are also of interest. ;))
bats :[
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

Dang, how did it get so late? Well, time flies when you’re messin’ around…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2435327087/
Arglebargle
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

Sherman’s Lagoon: I must admit, I’m curious about where this is heading. Curious and a bit scared. (I’ll ignore the fact that sharks have to constantly swim or they’ll drown; Sherm’s been sitting on his fat…um, back for years.)

RMMD: Andy, if you weren’t such a complete fool, you could’ve directed the Angry Redneck Mob’s anger towards the Evil Empi–I mean, state and maybe gotten some results. (So, Rex showed up for what? Backstage emotional support? Rex is a Handsome Man, Andy. You should’ve put him on stage. Then it would’ve been all, “MY SON IS DEAD! WILL YOU HELP ME MAKE ANOTHER ONE?” because Rex is a Handsome Man and he has no nipples.)

Blondie: HAW HAW IT IS THE 21ST CENTURY AND WE ARE OLD HAW HAW

Luann: Wow, if Luann wasn’t ramping up the “ditz” meter to measures unrecorded in human history right now, I’d be all for punching Bernice square in her nasty little yipper. Hard.

Bizarro: Oh, all right, fine, Piraro got me to smirk. For him, that’s pretty awesome.
mollificent
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:18 am [Reply]

Wednesday snark:

MF: *wails and gnashes teeth* OK, Molly. Deep breathkillkillkill. Ommmmmmmmm.

MT: OK, yes, we KNOW this storyline is going to shape up into a moral lesson about leash laws and responsible dog ownership. So, since we already know this, can the bee-grinding PLEASE move along?

My Cage: *giggle* Good one, Ed. Love it. Keep up the good work. :D

Peanuts: For the first time in a long time, Classic Peanuts made me laugh out loud. I’m right there with you, Linus.

B.C.: AAUUUGGHH!!
Moon Mullins
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:20 am [Reply]

72 Trilobite:

My thoughts exactly when seeing Foob tonight.
Did you also notice when she tells the kid to “let go of the knob” that he is concurrently playing pocket pool?
Diamond Joe
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:21 am [Reply]

Agnes: Is everything in this strip put together with rivets? Okay, I suppose the ones on the chair could be stitches, but I haven’t been able to figure out what the ones on the wall are. And then in some, there are these weird rounded walls. Do they live in a World War II-era hangar?

A3-G: I love the last panel. “Your paintings speak for you” just screams “I want to be truthful without saying they suck. Ah! Something ambiguous should so the trick.”

Archie: Ew! Jughead’s flavoring his sandwich with his own post-nasal drip! Also, I’ve never seen anyone eat a submarine sandwich from the middle before.

BB: It’s a shame she didn’t go golfing, or chase herself around the desk.

BH: By “stealing his gum,” does he mean she transferred the gum from his mouth to hers? Because I thought that was considered kind of a cute “couple” thing, not painful and humiliating.

Bizarro: See, because there are two meanings to the word free! This is bleeding-edge comedy, here, folks!

Blondie: Sally Forth may be Gen-X now, but Dagwood’s youth still seems caught in the first half of last century. I mean, by now, I’m probably only a few years younger than Dagwood ought to be, and I assure you, we had backpacks. Well, except for one kid who had this army-green canvas duffel bag he called his “war hammer.”

Cathy: Of course, given that they’re childless and, as Baby Boomers, they’re at least forty-three years old, their first thought should really be, “Well, we’re sure screwed.”

DT: It’s sad to see Dick Tracy’s ability to resolve his own plots declining to Spider-Manesque levels of impotent dependence on providence.

DieS: But… if you avoid them, you don’t give them money.

DinS: I’m deleting this from the lineup. I’ve been doing this less than two weeks, but I’ve already run out of ways to describe the excruciating lameness of this comic.

Drabble: They posted a negative review? Does the state require it, like those cleanliness letter grades here in California?

Foob: “And did I mention there are doors?”

FW: From apocalyptic anger to heavy-lidded indifference and back in ten seconds! Again, the punchline here seems to be “middle-aged Funky is an asshole.” What a lighter touch the Great Leap Forward has allowed! Whee!

GT: “We’ll go as far as Lisa Wyche takes us. So far, that’s still nothing below the waist.”

JP: “In fact, take the rest of the plotline off.”

Luann: Gah! We get it! We get it, already!

MG&G: Well, at least this strip knows male kangaroos don’t have pouches. But lilac and light blue as kangaroo colors are far more disturbing.

Pluggers: Pluggers have also evidently not been in a movie theater since about 1975.

PC: Wow, this is surprisingly clever and subtle for this strip. It took me a minute to figure out. (He’s going to need more carbon offsets because he’s going to get burned. Or am I giving this strip too much credit?)

RLA: The “unnecessary caption intervention” is tomorrow.

RMRSA: “But allow me to blow you a kiss.”

SH: It’s tough to laugh at a punchline that boils down to “the mice accept their genetic transformation into plants as at least preferable to death.”

SlyF: So, next to the baseball, is that a pepper grinder or a bong? Because if it’s a soda bottle, shouldn’t we be able to see the straw inside?

S-M: I wish I had mad Photoshop skillz, because this sounds like a TDIET:
Sure, Drago can say “Vulture” so loud, the guards tell him to shut up…
But let his henchman try it even in secret… Hoo, boy!
arrow: (The Urge to kick Drago’s tail feathers to the Moon.)

Ziggy: Shouldn’t there be maybe some other difference between the two doors, to give the gag some context? Otherwise, it’s kind of like two doors, labeled “Good” and “Bad”: not funny because it’s not only meaningless, but an obvious choice.

actually amused me: Cleats (!), F Minus, Monty (!!), Argyle Sweater (!!! — I wonder if someone had to forcibly restrain him from doing a “cat public health posters” caption)
Frank Parsnip
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:26 am [Reply]

4/22 MW: Seeing Mary Worth look right at the reader reminded me of Jimmy Page’s opening scene in Led Zep’s “The Song Remains the Same” concert movie. I figure Mary’s gaze is often immediately followed by the noise of something boiling.

4/23 MW: I’m a bit intrigued by the sudden emphasis in that “FOR THE LAST YEAR” Ron says. I’m reading it as being a bit sarcastic or perhaps tone-deaf. Perhaps he would do better phrasing it as a “not” joke.

Funky Pantysniffer: I’ve simply run out of the ability to comment anymore about this horrid torturebox of a comicstrip. Every character that was likeable has become an asshole, every character that was “hot” is now fat and loathesome, and we don’t even have anything funny anymore. My instruments show no signs of life — neither from the charmometer, the t&a-ometer or from my most-sensitive wrychukelometer and painedwincingsmilepunometer.

MT: This petnapping story is so completely lame that it would be a huge step up if we were simply to go back to the Earth Day breakaway panels and follow Mark and Rusty as they clean up a lake for a few weeks.

Sex Organ, M.D.: I can’t resist so long as they keep sticking Count Olaf in this strip as the supposed hospital administrator. Many of you may remember the Grapefruity Snicket work “The Horrid Hospital” but didn’t realize that there was an entire sidestory involving MRSA:

“While hospitals can often be wonderful and extremely hygienic places to stay in for extended periods of time, the Glenwood Infirmary for the Incurable was not very pleasant at all. In addition to their regular duties in the surgery room working on ER patients where Klaus’ research skills had gone a long way to helping Sunny’s sharp teeth find a variety of interesting organs, the Baudelaire orphans were also in charge of the continuous and nauseating (a word that, here, means “completely filthy and disgusting) job of cleaning up the copious (a word that, here, means “nearly elephantine”) amounts of faeces, vomit and blood from the walls, floors and ceilings of the various wards.

“On their first day at the Glenwood Infirmary, they found that the hospital administrator had disappeared and been replaced by a new one called “Alex Falotnuoc,” who was actually Count Olaf in disguise. His henchman, Dr. Rex Morgan, had taken away their only friend and ally, Niki, a small boy who lived in the hospital’s ventilation system, where he was employed to scrub down vast pools of MRSA with bleach. Although Niki could not find a way to get out of the ventilation system for the past several months, he had sometimes been able to use an invention Violet had made out of string and some broken surgical instruments to get food for himself and occasional anatomy books that Klaus would pore over in preparation for their long sessions in the ER.”

GT: In panel 3, Mrs. Thorp notes that Marty Moon is “always healthy”. Mmmmmmm… perhaps it’s time to sub in someone new while Gil’s on the DL with a pulled groin muscle. C’mon Marty, it’s time you got off that bench… and lay down on this one over here.

Jugs Parker: Not that I’m necessarily complaining now that we’re back on the Abbeytastic storylines, but I was kinda hoping that instead of a bunch of scenes in which she tends to another woman’s injured foot we would at least get to see her in Judge-Parker-time (i.e., ultra-slow-motion) running to get away from her pot-growing neighbors through rivers and maybe even a big mud pit or two.

Foob: “Knob” is Canadianspeak for “penis”, which is about as risque as Foob gets. Yes, as April has noted Mr. Walks-with-his-hands-in-his-pants-pockets will have to let go of his penis from time to time.

If this guy had been in Costner’s “Dances With Wolves”, he’d have been the Indian captive named Strokes With Fist.

Spider-Man: “Vulture” must have been the name that the others in the League of Doom used to call him based on his funky smell. When “Vulture” was in the house, even Black Manta kept his helmet on to breathe off his scuba gear’s self-contained air.
Jym
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

=v= BB: I, for one, welcome our sex-crazed arboreal overlords.
PeterW
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

59: bats:

Isn’t that Ellie’s body ten years ago? I thought April was five dress sizes smaller.
mollificent
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:34 am [Reply]

80 Frank P: Bravo! LOVE the Snicket pastiche. ;)
Frank Parsnip
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:37 am [Reply]

Trilobite (72): Laughed out loud as soon as I saw your bolded title re: Foob. I had a relative who once did a very serious paper on onanism as depicted indirectly in Melville’s “Bartleby the Scrivener”. Melville’s book collection had included period medical texts that described “onanism” in nearly the same terms as would be used for schizophrenics today, plus Melville was apparently a neighbor of some parson who was an activist on the “sin of onanism” — perhaps had even written up a tract on the topic or something like that. I tip my hat to your scholarly knowledge!
PeterW
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:46 am [Reply]

Maybe I’m viewing it wrong.

http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k301/temporalparadox/april.jpg
off-model
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:59 am [Reply]

#11 Niall, I was thinking of that scene from The Last Unicorn, too.
covaithe
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:16 am [Reply]

Ah, yes, Earth Day. When Mary Worth turns the smug self-righteousness so high that we can actually see her halo. Her iron-gray, sawtoothed halo.
Alfred E. Neuman, Fan of Bernice the Frustrated Lesbian
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:57 am [Reply]

#142 I Hate Bernice & #144 Old School Allie Cat (yesterthread)— It’s good to see the ravenously incestuous bisexual harridan Bernice back in “Luann”. She may be the most delectably perverse character in the comics, and she brings the only spark of interest to an otherwise boring strip. It would be great if Greg Evans to feature her more often, as otherwise there’s not much to see in “Luann”. I’m looking forward to a four-way between her, Ben, Zane, and Luann.

FW— The characters in this increasingly dismal strip are becoming more ugly and mean-spirited by the week. Who ever thought we would miss those fun-filled good old days when FW was all about cancer and smirks?
A lemur
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:02 am [Reply]

Spidey trivia – the old vulture was one of those Steve Ditko creations from the early days of Spidey, when it supposedly made sense that someone who invented a suit that enabled him to fly would make it a particularly ugly shade of green, add a bit of ruff around the collar and call himself the vulture. Not even the Condor, which would have had a bit of class, but the Vulture. Bit of a self-estime issue there I think.

The vulture pales in inaneness by the next issues follow up villian, Mysterioso, whose main power was apparently wearing a fishbowl on his head…

Can´t remember where I left my car keys, but this stuff -no problem. Thank you, evolution.
dwlt
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:32 am [Reply]

More man-on-tree action can be found in the hilarious novel A Melon For Ecstasy.
True Fable
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:35 am [Reply]

# 80 Frank Parsnip –

If this guy had been in Costner’s “Dances With Wolves”, he’d have been the Indian captive named Strokes With Fist.

Yeah, ol’ He Spanks Monkey would have been quite the scene-stealer!
Frank Parsnip
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:32 am [Reply]

True Fable (91): Can you imagine if stock characters in western movies had always included one guy who couldn’t keep his hands out of his own pants? Still, I never figured Foob to be the place with a character who can’t help grabbing his …

Jet Pilot: Dick.
Dick: Yeah?
Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.
Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge–
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that’s not a woodpecker, it looks like someone’s–
Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with–
Baseball Umpire: Two balls.
[looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous–
Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention!
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying–
Musician: Willie.
Willie Nelson: Yeah?
Musician: What’s that?
Willie Nelson: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge…
Schoolteacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Otherwise known as tallywhacker, schlong or–
Dad: Weiner? Any of you kids want another weiner?
Son: Dad? What’s that? points at rocket
Dad: I don’t know, son, but it’s got great big–
Peanut seller: Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some– Lord Almighty!
Woman: That looks just like my husband’s–
Ringmaster: One-eyed monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!
One-eyed Monster: jumps out and scares crowd, then points to the rocket Hey, what’s that? It looks like a big–
female Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?
Woody Harrelson: Sure thing. [Sees rocket] Hey, look at that.
Female fan: It’s big!
Woody: Nah, I’ve seen bigger, it’s–
Dr. Evil: (To Mini-Me) Just a little prick. It’s a flu shot. You’ve been in the coldness of space.

Mollificent (83): Thanks for the kind words. I’d seen Alex’s bald head on way too many “Series of Unfortunate Events” illustrations to not immediately have him pegged as Count Olaf. It’s not hard to imagine that a hospital teeming with disease would be run by a guy who doesn’t even wear socks most of the time.

A Lemur (89): I just looked at a picture of the old vulture and compared against the new one. Apparently he was able to keep up with his Hair Club for Men membership despite being sent to prison.
Muddtallica
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:01 am [Reply]

I’m going to resist making the obvious comments on Beetle Bailey, and instead call attention to exactly what it is that Plato is doing in the first panel. He claims that he is “getting rid of pollution”, but as far as I can see what he is actually doing is emptying an office waste-paper bin into a larger trash can – both of which he must have brought from home, because they’re in the middle of a forest. Isn’t he supposed to be the intellectual one?
Pozzo
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:10 am [Reply]

Uh, Beetle, I’m not sure how much good it actually does to take a watering can into a forest, especially one that seems to be doing just fine without your self-serving, feel-good efforts.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:25 am [Reply]

FOOB: “..let go of the knob.” Sound advice from the girl in the short parochial skirt.
Calico
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:28 am [Reply]

#95 – Could Lynn finally be heeding her own advice?
Hawkeye
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:30 am [Reply]

37-Talking Squirrel: She’s a clever old biddy. Which I guess you’d have to be if you wanted to live to be 115.
Lolsworth
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:37 am [Reply]

Mary turns to camera in panel three just to rub it in. “Just PLANTING A TREE FOR EARTH DAY while all you SLOBS were sitting around eating pies and gawping at the newspaper comics like SIMPLETONS, you SCUM.”
Vince M
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:42 am [Reply]

51: KY – You’re right, that Mutts is weird…reminds me of the end of Tex Avery’s “King-Size Canary”!
ladadog
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:59 am [Reply]

MW: Run, Ron, run like the wind. Even though you are a no-goodnik who fights with his own brother at his mother’s deathbed, save yourself! Or you will either 1) find yourself beating your mother to the pearly gates as you die from an overdose or meddle-osis or 2) on the plane to Viet Nam or 3) driving off a cliff with you good friend, Jack.
man behind the curtain
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:04 am [Reply]

A3G — A lot of speaking going on with jack Davis. Eric speaks of margo often even though eric is in Tibet. And LuAnn’s paintings speak for her, which means they must be the most boring insufferable paintings in existence. Actually, the only speaking is coming from the voices the talented but schizophrenic Mr. Davis is hearing. The question is Does he speak back?

MW — There’s something about Mary. Only when it’s Mary Worth I just don’t quite get it.
Calico
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:13 am [Reply]

Mary sez: “I cooked a huge breakfast of meat products and corporate coffee on Sunday, with the heat turned up in my biddy coven because I was freezing and hungover, took a 30-minute long shower, dressed in my polyester pantsuit from the local cheap foreign-goods store, forgot to turn 5 lights off and the heat down, then drove my huge Chevy 4-door to the park only a half-mile away, and let it idle while my friends used a miniature steam shovel to dig a hole and lower the cutest little tree from the local Big-Box into it (of course I didn’t even touch anything because I might have ruined Saturday’s $50 manicure), Then I went home and baked 10 pies and forgot turn the oven off until midnight. I feel so good about myself and the Earth now!”
Mollie
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:20 am [Reply]

I am trying to wrap my mind around Mary Worth on a cell phone. First of all, no way does Mary have a cell phone, and if she DID have one, no way would she chat so comfortably on it. She’d have one of those phones with two-inch-high numerals on the display — one of those phones that brags about having absolutely no special features — and she’d tell everyone it was “just for emergencies,” to cover up for the fact that she didn’t actually know how to answer or place a call. When it rang (and of course she’d never turn off the ringer, not even if she were attending a Broadway play, because what if there was an emergency? Someone might need to reach her!), she would flip it open and start punching buttons randomly, not realizing she was already connected, and eventually people would get sick of yelling “Hello? Mary? Mary! Hello?!” and stop trying to call her.

Which brings me to my second point: WHO would call Mary Worth on her cell phone? Aside from irresponsible dog owners and other members of the hoi polloi with whom she is occasionally forced to interact, Mary associates exclusively with people who live at Charterstone. They should be sitting around that pool with her, or at least waiting until they run into each other in the parking lot to find out about Mary’s thrilling weekend. Why isn’t she just taking the usual, energy-saving route of talking to someone in person? Was there no other character good enough to appear in the Earth Day Strip with Mary?
gleeb
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:24 am [Reply]

Our annual pretence of loving the Earth over again, we can get back to business…

9CL: As tiresome as this tale of rivals is, at least it doesn’t involve Thorax, so I’m OK with it.

A3G: Margo is non-plussed. Lu Ann’s paintings “speak for her”? And this is the printmaker Eric trusts? He’s right though: the floral still lifes are pleasant enough, decorative, and have nothing original to say about art.

Curtis: Well, the truth comes out. Or, at least, Billingsley delays it for another day, but cuts his margin. I didn’t know Curtis’ old man worked at the DMV. No wonder he’s so grumpy.

FC: Echoes of FOOB, as a nice young woman is forced to marry a clown by her cruel mistress.

FOOB: April upbraids Whatsisname for a little surreptitious pocket-pool.

‘bean: Flabby, when you went to school there, they controlled students with a creepy hall monitor with a machine gun.

GA: Fortunately, this is an all Lerner & Lowe jug band.

Non Sequitur: He’s got it backward. In a market like this, even open, airy caves close to the water hole that everyone knows are bear-free have a hard time attracting buyers.
iedit
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:31 am [Reply]

FOOB: In the spirit of “Beavis and Butthead”: Heh-heh-heh … she said knob!
Calico
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:34 am [Reply]

#103 – I’m not so sure if Mary talking will save energy – she’s the biggest bag of hot air outside of D.C.
Her chronic methane expulsion must not help, either.
Carly
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:35 am [Reply]

90. More man-on-tree action can be found in the hilarious novel A Melon For Ecstasy.

And, no doubt, on the internet.

And that, Elrod, is the proper use of “More ____ can be found on the internet.” The only appropriate thing to fill in there is porn and its variations.

Sorry, it had to be said.
Calico
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:42 am [Reply]

My next metal band’s name will absolutely have to be “Suffocating Sanctimony.”
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:48 am [Reply]

Yeah, for Earth Cay, waste paper on stupid strips!

Even if it’s recycled, that’s beside the point.
Cheeky Wee Monkeys
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:49 am [Reply]

Earth DAY.

Today is I can spell and grammar not gude day.
Joeinqueens
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:54 am [Reply]

GA: Does anyone know who Amanda Lynn’s real parents are?
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:01 am [Reply]

FOOB: I sent Josh a “Let go of the knob” t-shirt design. Am I one of many mudges who did the same thing ? =)
redliner
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:20 am [Reply]

FC: I wish the Keane Kids would stop trying to force their clown homunculus to practice Christianity. That thing gives me nightmares.

DT OH MY GOSH, COLE LECTOR IS MICHAEL JACKSON!!! The disfigured face, the eccentric “collecting,” and today’s moves right out of the “Billy Jean” video!! I really should have seen this coming.
migellito
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:21 am [Reply]

DtM – Yes! There’s the menace we’ve been missing! “Take those shoes off, Hitler Jugen! I can sell them as you fertilize the earth!”
Justafoob
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:25 am [Reply]

“Let go of the knob…. …. then I can blow you better.”
Mr MRSA
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:26 am [Reply]

Too bad we don’t have better PUBLIC HEALTH POLICY.

Then we could nip this MRSA epidemic in the bud.

Nip it!

Nip it!
Tweeks_Coffee
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

#59, #85 – Bats, PeterW: KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE! Yeah, her hips are definitely inflated there. After all, why should she look different than anyone else?
#103 – Mollie: Nice, I lol’d. Though now not only is that annoying Jitterbug jingle stuck in my head, but I can’t erase the image of Mary Worth in that commercial…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNdw4CfbwQg “Now I can butt in on other people’s lives wherever I am!” She’d have the one with the 3 preprogammed buttons and one would just be labeled “meddle”. It would call a random number and Mary would proceed to prattle on and hemorrhage platitudes until the poor bastard on the other end killed themselves.

A3G: “Why yes, you’re just as bland and uninteresting as your paintings would suggest!”
Curtis: Junk food, he’s been dealing (”Dealing”? Really?) junk food. Can we get on with it already.
DT: So that wasn’t Mr. Lector? I’m actually a little surprised. Though, I think the fact that we’ll find out that he is Mr. Lector is what’s supposed to be surprising.
FC: Why is that clown so damned creepy looking? No, it doesn’t matter that he prays and now he’s getting married, he makes my skin crawl.
GT: I’m digging Marty’s new look. The hair says intentionally disheveled and interviewing someone with what appears to be a fudgesicle says I’m still loaded from last night.
HotC: I think Dean’s been watching too much Shawshank Redemption recently.
MT: I hope that the mom’s shock is about her daughter’s extreme case of hydrocephalus and not that an unattended dog ran away.
MW: Oh, hell no! Ron, I know you’re slightly upset right now, but there’s no relief for you between those wrinkled thighs. Get away while you still can!
MC: Hehehe, a little self-reference, Ed?
Pluggers: They may be able to remember it, but to still expect it? A quarter hasn’t been able to buy you dick for a couple dozen years. Where the hell have they been?
RMMD: So a contagious disease has caused a death or two and they’re the only people to do anything?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick, Decreer of Things
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

A3G: “No, I mean I’ve seen your paintings already, so shut up.”

BB: Buxley Wednesday… it can’t be a coincidence, right? There must be a schedule. We just don’t give a rat’s ass about the other characters enough to figure it out.

(WT)DT: How is it these people are all talking to each other when none of them are even in the same room?

FC: I just got a vision of 15 years from now, when Dolly testifies at Bil’s trial on child-sex charges, “An’ then Daddy made me his awfully bedded wife.”

JP: How does Marie keep denying me the upskirts I so rightfully deserve as a loyal JP reader? I think I’ve finally discovered her secret.

MT: Edit: “Madeline calls for the pet that ~~she loves so much~~ she met just this morning.”

MW: Wait, so Mary’s now back in the hospital, wearing her volunteer’s uniform, talking with Ron (Rod? Rob? Rich? whatever) again? So either yesterday’s strip never really happened, or Mary left the hospital just long enough to change clothes, lie to someone on the phone about what she did over the weekend, change clothes again and come back. Knowing Mary, I believe the latter.

Pluggers: In honor of Earth Day, I offer this Choose Your Own Plugger Snark, so that from now on people can conserve all the time and energy they would spend snarking Pluggers.
Ha ha! Pluggers sure are _______!
1) old
2) fat
3) poor
4) lazy
5) uneducated
6) overmedicated
7) choose any two of the above
From now on, when you want to snark Pluggers, all you have to do is say the number. Today is #1 and #3. See how easy that was? Join us next time when we apply the same principle to Crankshaft, Marvin and Marmaduke.

RMMRSA: Look like Andy’s going to find that MRSA, using his prodigious mental powers! Or maybe he’s just using his vampiric Domination powers on the blank-eyed June in panel 2. I expect a mashup from Bats :[ on this.
Weaselboy
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

MW, 4/23 – How convenient for Mary that people now come to her to schedule meddling sessions.
Perky Bird
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

When Dolly says “waffley wetted”, I think she’s suggesting there will soon be a threesome with Mrs. Butterworth.
Tats
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

A3-G: I’ve got to think it’s this Jack character’s vanity coupled with the huge zit on his forehead that’s resulting in him only being framed from angles in which we can’t see him face on. It’s in this way that Jack is continuing the theme introduced with Haley in yesterday’s strip, Ancillary Apartment 3-G Characters Who Need Bangs.

FC: I have no idea what’s going on in this strip, which leads me to believe that it’s a chilling depiction of Dolly’s ultimate mental lapse, and that she’s actually shivering in a corner somewhere as the depicted scene plays out in her head. Or, as the Keane parents doubtlessly refer to it, “one down, three to go.”

FOOB: I can tell you many horror stories about what happens when would-be lovers forget to let go of the knob. As, I’m sure, can Elizabeth, whose refusal to let go of the knob will shortly result in her marriage to him.

MW: I don’t know that I can get on-board the Mary x Ron ship. I’ll be sailing the S.S. Aldo until the day it washes ashore, mostly likely on a pile of rocks at the bottom of a cliff amidst scattered bottles of Jim Beam.

S-M: “Drago” promises to take “Lefty” on the ride of his life, which is all well and good, as long as Drago is doesn’t forget to let go of the knob. Because ouch.
Meanwhile
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:57 am [Reply]

MW 4/23: Ew. Ew. Ew!
John C Fremont
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

# 105 – Huh, huh! Huh, huh! Knob.

A3G – OMG! It’s Jack Davis, the printmaker Eric trusts! Hmm. There’s something about him that I don’t trust.

MW – Yay, the arrow’s back!

RMMD – In the final panel Andy looks as though he’s doing his impersonation of Mr. Burns singing See My Vest. “The only thing I’m hunting for is an outfit that looks goooood.”

DT – I see Cole Lector borrowed that House Of Pain CD from that kid in Mark Trail.

GT – Oh, man, so much to see here! Panel one – Gil’s nose is mostly melted away. Panel two – Marty Moon looks almost hip and cool and rugged. Panel three – As Satan-Lady looks on, Marty Moon actually looks like Marty Moon! Well, and like Dr. Benton Quest.
Professor Fate
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

MW: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! – Also Earth day was Tuesday.

FW: I miss the damn cancer – I can’t get my mind around that but I miss the damn cancer – this is digusting hateful and angry and about as pleasant as finding a live slug in your salad at lunch

FOOB: April needs to shut her filthy mouth – or lend a hand.
Tats
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Also, #103 – Mollie: Hilarious and spot on; made me laugh out loud a bunch of times.

That struck my fancy, too; why does Mary Worth have a cell phone? A far more likely scenario is for Mary to find someone speaking on their cell phone, which Mary as an incisive old biddy knows can cause brain tumors. She spends the next two months lecturing them on the subject, shames them to near-suicide, and sends them to Vietnam to think about what they’ve done. And then keeps the cell phone for her own personal use because she’s a giant hypocrite. On second thought, Mary having a cell phone makes perfect sense. Carry on like I was never here.
Loopina, Summer Intern of the Jungle Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

GA: It is my sincerest hope that they’re not in fact going to play “Church on Time”, but instead David Bowie’s “Modern Love”.

Peanuts: Mike Huckabee is calling.

Popeye: Is this a MT crossover?

6C: Ick. And not the good kind of ick, either.
misskittyfantastico
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

LUANN HAS BEGUN THE COUNTDOWN TO THE MARRIAGE OF LUANN AND GUNTHER
ITS AN OOOOOOOOMEEEEEEEN!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
Perky Bird
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

# 127 Misskittyfantastico– Only if Gunther doesn’t have a hoooooome!
Loopina, Summer Intern of the Jungle Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Did Luann change her
Loopina, Summer Intern of the Jungle Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:17 am [Reply]

Oops – did Luann change her last name to “Patterson” when I wasn’t looking?
Yitzchok
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

When Mary Worth looks into the “camera” in the second panel, it makes me think (wish, hope) that it’s her Tony Soprano moment…

Hopefully tomorrow is just two all-black panels with the lyrics to a Journey song running tastefully along the bottom.
Calico
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

#117 – I’ve heard of this-it’s like a Reader’s Digest phone for the blind/sight impaired.
Or brain damaged, like LuAnn Powers.

As well, a certain office supply co. has calculators the size of elephants. I guess we’re returning to the age of Eniac.
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

#59 bats :[ –

Foul! I cry foul! I thought I was going to link to one of your mashups!

Oh, well. I had fun putting the sunglasses over April’s . . . never mind.
Tats
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:32 am [Reply]

I got bored waiting for the new Mary Worth storyline to progress at its glacial pace, so I invented this: The Mary Worth Create-Your-Own-Storyline Game! Simply go through the pre-fab scenario and fill in the empty spaces with the options listed in the blanks. It’s like having your arm grabbed by Mary herself! Enjoy.

___________, a relative of (Toby, Chinbeard, Dr. Jeff, Wilbur Weston, other) arrives at Charterstone during one of their tri-weekly pool parties. But he/she is not all he/she seems! Rather, he/she is bearing a deep dark secret. Through (a conversation with the new arrival’s relative, a first-hand viewing of puzzling events, diligent meddling, Satanic rituals, other), Mary discovers the new arrival’s secret: he/she is secretly (an alcoholic, in love with Toby, an illegal immigrant, homeless, grieving a loved one, other)! Mary invites this tragic figure to her apartment for (tuna casserole, tuna casserole, other [tuna casserole]) and nips the problem in the bud. Through (three weeks, one month, two months, longer) of (gentle nagging, overt meddling, interminable flashbacks, smug platitudes, a gathering of hostile third parties masked as an intervention, threat of death) and insightful quotes from (Confucius, Benjamin Franklin, Dr. Martin Luther King, old Mary Worth strips, other), Mary convinces the troubled houseguest to tackle their problem and (seek counseling, turn themselves in, talk to an estranged relative, seek a love connection, go to Vietnam for no reason, come home from Vietnam for no reason, drive off a cliff, other). The new arrival, having had their problem solved by Mary’s deftness and skill, leaves Charterstone with a smile and is never seen again. Mary celebrates with a nice pool party, and seeks out her next victi — er… new friend.
lylebot
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

I can’t help but hear Madeline speaking in a deep, robotic voice in the last panel of Mark Trail.

MOTHER. BILL IS GONE. DOES NOT COMPUTE.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

AS – What the hell? A funny Argyle Sweater? Either this is ripped from a Far Side I don’t remember, or I woke up in Bizarro World this morning.

BBlue – …when I was that age, I didn’t even know what stretch marks were. I’m callin’ shenanigans.

Curtis – John Paul II on a pogo stick, lady, is smuggling non-”health food” really an offense worthy of tears and consternation? Personally, the little guy’s my new hero.

DT – …I give up. Besides, there’s no way I could top Dean Booth’s interpretation.

FC – NO. JUST NO.

FW – Actually, the problem is that you live in a cruel, evil universe run by a sadistic bastard. Your son is just one of the few characters to realize that and has come to the conclusion that things like school just aren’t worth it, considering that, if he’s lucky, he’ll be dead by his mid-thirties. Like the protagonist in a Lovecraft story, his outlook on life has been forever altered by his glimpse into the unknown, and he can only scoff at his teacher’s attempts to prepare him for the future he won’t have.

GA – …he drives one half of a pickup truck, neatly bisected lengthwise.

GT – Okay, so Marty Moon seems to have gone from “evil Spock” to “50s B-movie Russian.” Still, not bad.

Luann – STOP STOP STOP STOP

MT – Mark Trail is so divorced from conventional notions of “perspective” that I can’t even figure out whether that last panel is right or not. I honestly have no idea.

Momma – Criminy, just look at that first panel. And here I thought the art in Momma couldn’t get any shoddier.

NS – See, this would’ve been a perfectly entertaining comic without the stupid speech-balloon-serving-as-a-caption-box.

Edison Lee – can just go crawl into a hole and die.
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

MT –

I see the tarantuclaw has migrated over from GT. I wander what their range is?
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:35 am [Reply]

Tarantuclaws: they wander; I wonder.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:37 am [Reply]

#126 Loopina – Huckabee!? Bah, that man’s too mainstream boring to be on the lunatic fringe! Now, Lee Mercer, Jr., that man’s a lunatic!
Tweeks_Coffee
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

#136 – commodorejohn: re – AS: “What the hell? A funny Argyle Sweater? Either this is ripped from a Far Side I don’t remember, or I woke up in Bizarro World this morning.

The closest one I could recall was the Cat Shower one where it as a giant tongue mounted on the wall. Same basic idea; cats use their tongues like we use soap and water, I suppose.
gkl
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

MW 4/22: Oh crap, now she’s meddling on a global scale.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

#140 Tweeks_Coffee – Oh good. For a moment there, I was afraid I’d look out the window and behold a purple sky and a neon-green sun.
queek
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

11: “love love love love!”

59: *sits in corner rocking in horror*

RwO: ooooo, bad pun, so bad its good!

LDL: oooooooo, bad pun, just bad. This strip sucks. Time to ask the Freep to drop in favor of My Cage.

I laughed at Garfield today. Please forgive me.
Old School Allie Cat
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

FW – I have enough friends in education to tell you that this is exactly the attitude of a lot of parents today.

When I was in Elementary School, I was terrified of our principal, whose name was Wilhelmina Largin – now tell me that’s not scary.

And I was a good kid. A teacher called my parents in 6th grade because I was being “rowdy” (and to be fair, I was – but it was the last week of school). I stopped being rowdy immediately. Because my parents called me on my shit and told me to cut it out.

I hate Funky more and more each day.
Little A. of The Bronx Jungle Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

79- Agnes lives in a trailer with her grandmother. I can’t recall any references to her parents or brothers or sisters.

The humor in this strip is put together with rivets.
MinorAgentofChaos
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

So in honor of Administrative Professional’s Day, is Mary Worth going to plant a secretary six foot under?
NotAGoatHead
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Mary “planted a tree”, if you know what I mean.
Dingo
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

The second panel of the Mary Worth Earth Day fete could be the print ad for GILFs Gone Wild or McCain’s Meddlin’ MILFs.

Yes, Mary, talk to me. Call me a dirty boy. Say you’ll spank me through my gabardine slacks. Take away my Metamucil ’til I give Momma some sweet, leathery lovin’.
Astroboy
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

GT – The only fun in the seasonal “introduce the line-up” strips are watching to see how many players’ names get subsequently changed.

Ken Burger became Ken Berger
Adam Mondy became Adam Mundy
There was a “Jerry” who became “Jeremy” (can’t remember his last name)

This phenomenon occurs regularly regardless of artist or writer.

(yes, I am way too knowledgeable about this!)
Old School Allie Cat
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:15 am [Reply]

#147 – NA Goat Head – is “planting a tree” anything like “riding the Bum Boat” or “launching a 12 footer”?
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

SlyFox —

No, doggie! Chocolate is bad for you! And chicken bones! Stay away from the chicken bone! Gah! It’s like a minefield out there. And not the sort usually associated with dogs and public spaces.
NotAGoatHead
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

#150: Ehh, sure. Why not. Maybe even like “catching the javelin.”
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

#150 Old School Allie Cat, #152 NotAGoatHead – How about “all but forcing” somebody to “go to the Bucket?”
NotAGoatHead
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.
Eau de Plugger
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Today’s BC is unspeakably foul.
Astroboy
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:58 am [Reply]

FOOBS – Wow, 5 “An’s” in one strip might be a record. Plus a “hafta.” These high schoolers sound like my 3-year old niece.

April better be careful or she’s going to end up on one of those upskirt websites. Given the way she’s attired, it’ll probably be something like CatholicSchoolgirlUpskirts.com

I did enjoy seeing her tell the guy to “let go of the knob” though.
Flipper
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

#103 Mollie: Mary Worth’s cell phone will work until the phone company cancels Aldo’s account.
Gold-Digging Nanny
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:22 am [Reply]

Remember when rumors were going around that Osama bin Laden might be dying of some kidney disease? Remember how it must have felt for people to think that at long last we might be delivered from the threat of this scourge, yet they must have feared that it was only wishful thinking? That’s how I felt when I read Momma today. She looks terrible in that first panel, even factoring in how poorly she’s usually drawn. But as much as I would like to hope that she’s dying of something very, very painful, my hopes aren’t high. Even if she were to die, I think Lazarus would call her forth from the grave just so she could continue to inflict her particular brand of pestilence upon the comic-reading public.
fishmorgjp
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

What the heck is it with Cole Lector in DT? For days he’s been twisting aroung, going “Ulk!” “Aag!” “Ukk!” “Beep!” “Squack!”… maybe he’s morphing into a Don Martin character, and he’ll soon have hinged feet and tongue.
fishmorgjp
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Oh, that wasn’t Cole Lector?? Huh?
Justafoob
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

is “planting a tree” anything like “riding the Bum Boat” or “launching a 12 footer”?

It is like grabbing the knob, and then letting go.

Repeat until the “door is open”
Lapsed Librarian
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

Today’s FBOFW: Gap-toothed starey guy is slacking off… If there was ever a situation for him to pop up in the background with his patented “HOO!”, this is it.
TheDiva
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Pluggers: According to the results generated by my Google-fu, the last time movies cost a quarter was sometime around the Great Depression. Ergo, Pluggers are all at least eighty years old and will mercifully soon be extinct.
Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^)
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:58 am [Reply]

The creepiest thing about the Earth Day Mary Worth is that Mary Worth is using a CELL PHONE. Creepy.
geoff
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Re: Today’s Spider Man.
Word of warning, Lefty – don’t drop the soap.
Zaq
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

Today’s Argyle Sweater is just a bowdlerized version of a strip I saw somewhere else… it originally said “Employees must lick ass before returning to work.” I think it was Edible Dirt, or maybe FLEM, but I don’t remember.

FOOB doesn’t even come close to making sense today. Even turning it into a masturbation joke, like so many people have done today, doesn’t make it make any sense. It’s not even a lameass foob-pun. I don’t think it’s a masturbation joke, either… that would involve Lynn knowing what the hell masturbation IS. Which I seriously doubt.

S-M: “How dare you call me anything other than my operatic stage name?! On stage, I am Drago, and you will refer to me as such!” …I still think that Drago’s singing all his lines. I’m just waiting for Maria to show up.
Irrational Princess
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

#85: As if April wasn’t doomed to follow in the pitiful fate of becoming her mother, just imagine how unsettling the picture would be if she was aged up 20 MORE years from how she looks there. We’d be looking at another potato-nosed, chinnuts-bearing Elly clone, and just typing that makes me shudder.

Yes, even the black sheep of the family can’t escape the inevitable lobotomization and integration into the Patterson hivemind for too long (”Down with individuality! Up with conformity!”). Thankfully, the big freeze (if it comes to pass) and eventual cancellation shall prevent us from seeing the infection spread and Milborough becoming overrun with slack-jawed Patterclones that will endlessly nag and feast on the brains of anyone outside their ‘perfection’, not just figuratively, but literally. They call it “The Night Of The Living Foobs”.

Wait…you’re telling we’re getting that already anyway? D:

*first time comment, long-time lurker/reader of insanity*
A Lemur
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

And the winner of the longest run for nonsense dialog spoken by three different characters over two days goes to Dick Tracy for: “What´s going on?”

Answer: “Yoicks, gggghoostts! Run Scobbie Run!”
NotAGoatHead
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

#166 Zak says: FOOB – are you kidding, Lynn’s been jerking us off for years.
Hank
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

RE: 169 Actually, no. That would imply she’s been giving us pleasure.
Ianscot
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Our “Very Special Curtis” plotline needs to head in that blackjack direction at this point. Or perhaps something to do with botox, inspired by his girlfriend’s vanity.

C’mon, the strip doesn’t have to be The Cosby Show, but could we be more stereotypical? Drug dealing? It’s just sad. Does explain the goofy expressions on his alien friend’s face, however….
Amy
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Not even the environment is safe from Mary Worth’s meddling!
Gold-Digging Nanny
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

80 Frank Parsnip — Wow. Nicely done Series of Unfortunate Rex Morgan Strips.
Old School Allie Cat
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

#172 – Amy – and to be sure, Mary Worth puts out a lot of hot air and greenhouse gasses.

And yet, she does not, in the traditional sense, “put out.”
Hawkeye
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

157-Flipper: Ha! Funniest thing I’ve read today.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

#171 Ianscot – No, he’s not dealing drugs. He’s smuggling food into the school that isn’t the “health food” the cafeteria’s been giving them.
Astroboy
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

FOOBs – Does anyone have any links to strips with the Starey-eyed HOO Guy?

I know who he is, but he hasn’t been around in a while and I can’t remember where to look in the archives.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

#177 Astroboy – Here is the one appearance he made before Lynn cruelly pulled him from the comic.
Foobaphobe
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

FOOB:
Once again Lynn is challenging her rabid fans to gush their approval over anything which flows from her pen, no matter how nonsensical and unhumorous. Her true admirers will marvel at her ability to look into their homes and see all the knob clutching which is going on.
Loopina, Summer Intern of the Jungle Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

Big Nate has been doing a pretty good arc this week:
http://www.comics.com/comics/bignate/archive/bignate-20080421.html
Little Guy
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

73: Um, which one is FT?

Curtis: The role of Curtis’ mom is now being played by Sheila Broflovski.

136: I found this when I was searching for that.

Big Nate: Is this a PreTeena shoutout?

Zippy: I’ve been finding myself liking the Dingburg arc.
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#167 Irrational Princess –

Welcome to the nuthouse. Did you bring chocolate? We like chocolate.

Oh, and new members go on goat cleanup crew. Grab a shovel.
twoclubs
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Um, and how many people does it take to “help” plant a tree? Aren’t those trees they plant on big events like Earth Day baby saplings in 4-inch pots?
Zaq
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

Ah, here we go… the original version of today’s Argyle Sweater, quite a few years old…

http://www.flemcomics.com/d/20000225.html

(This particular page is SFW, but other pages on the same site may or may not be.)
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

#181 LittleGuy – Yep, that is undoubtedly what inspired this story in the first place. Remember, it’s the school’s job to keep kids healthy because the parents can’t be bothered to do it themselves!
Gabe
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

HOTC: Actually, less Shawshank Redemption and more of a direct rip of an episode of Trailer Park Boys, minus the selling weed subplot. Hopefully Heart will kidnap one of the Jonas bros. and accuse him of being a male prostitute.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

#184 Zaq – Ah, it was plagiarized, after all. That’s a load off my mind.
True Fable
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

Somebody’s raising ‘em right.

And the owners of these fine creatures say “Because they are such a joy to be around, they make chores easy. It’s fun to be with them, so fun we often plant our lawn chairs in their enclosure and bask in goaty kisses and love.” So see, Irrational Princess? It’s not so bad; it’s a lot cleaner than wading through the treacle in Foobville, or after the carnage Margo routinely leaves behind after a hefty feeding of innocents and unprotected strangers in the Big Apple.
Shlomo
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

In Panel 2, Mary Worth looks to be fertilizing the tree.
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

#188 True Fable –

Now that is a goat! I’ve seen sumo wrestlers more svelte.
Poteet
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

DT — I realize that commenting on specific problems in this strip is like complaining that lounge ashtrays aren’t being properly emptied on the Titanic. Nevertheless, I feel compelled to point out that no way could Dick’s ginormous head fit into that helmet.
Gabe
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

Brick: We’ve tried to spot any other patterns in Beetle Bailey and came up with naught. I’ve actually asked a few pros in the business who have contact with the Walkers to ask what the deal is, haven’t heard back yet (Mark Evanier said he would next time he talked to the Jr. Walker).

But it’s been over a year, and only twice has she failed to show up on Wednesday (which I chalk up to a mix up at the syndicate or a miscalculation by the Walkers since both times she showed up on Tuesday that week). That’s a 99 percent success rate for a secondary character, can’t be a coincidence.

So the question remains as to why? Is it some salacious joke in regards to Wednesday being known as “Hump” Day? Is it some kind of marker they use to keep track of…something? Just a meaningless trend they started for no discernable reason? I would love to know. More than I really should.
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

#191 Poteet –

By default (through no default of your own) you are the resident DT guru. Besides Dick’s voluminous head, I can’t figure out how The Villain (Cole Lector? The jury is still out) can stand on his tippy toes for so long. Is he a marionette and the URQ is coming from his puppet master who’s just had a heart attack? Any ideas? I mean, that’s a pretty awkward pose to hold. Maybe Baryshnikov’s evil twin?
Gap-toothed Starey "Hoooo!" Guy
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

Luann (Sixteen is Petty): This entire damn cast of characters needs to be tranq’d. Relax, people! Just think, you could have been born into the Winkerbeaniverse.

Oh, while I’m here . . . Any Chicagoland ‘mudges interested in going to a punk rock show? I’m going to a free show at Reggie’s Music Joint (2105 S. State Street, which is pretty much in Chinatown) on Saturday, May 3rd. The show starts at 9, so maybe a few of us could meet up for dinner in Chinatown first. I’d love to meet some of my fellow ‘mudges.
Alfred E. Neuman
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Sally Forth— Ted is channeling Ed Crankshaft today.

I didn’t see it mentioned, so check out yesterday’s “Mother Goose & Grimm”. It was the funniest of the Earth Day strips.
gh
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

#192 Gabe –

So the question remains as to why? Is it some salacious joke in regards to Wednesday being known as “Hump” Day?

Brick’s query has me worried as well. If they are back in the forest next Tuesday, will it add to the calendar confirmation of a “Treehump” Day? I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
lostsynapse
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Hey, somebody cared enough to achieve 42 earth day comics in one “fairly” easy to navigate page. Let us rejoice and be merry.

http://www.thedailygreen.com/living-green/earth-day-cartoons-47042120
Niall
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

38. Arglebargle: I had been wondering where the Live-Action Last Unicorn was about. I was actually thinking that it could be done with the return of many of the original actors; Mia Farrow changing from Amalthea to Molly-Grue, and Christopher Lee, well.. he sounded like Haggard back then, and now he’d look the part with minimal makeup. :) But.. plastic horn pony?? Freejack??? That I hadn’t heard about, and the small window of opportunity the film had to be received at all is gone.

MW: Is there some kind of symbolism at work with arrows through character’s heads? Are are we to run a tally? So far it’s Mary: 2, Brother #1: 1, Brother #2: 0.

123. John Fremont: Isn’t it sad that the most exciting thing in Mary Worth currently is a flicking arrow? On a wall?

135. lylebot: had I had time this morning, that’s exactly what I would have recorded, the firl’s dialogue robotically. It figures someone would have come to the same conclusion. :)

143. queek: I’m starting to like you. :)

148. Dingo: You continue to gleefully go where we refuse to consider. :)

197. lostsynapse: I shan’t click your name in fear of achieving your very handle.
queek
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

True Fable, I bring this to your attention:

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-pictures-emo-goat-in-tree.jpg?
queek
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Niall, I loved that show, and the book as well. That scene in particular was very popular as a running gag with some college friends of mine.
Eric Wright
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

134. Tats:

Here’s a webpage that will generate Mary Worth storylines based on your template. Save as maryworth.html and you can refresh it over and over for weeks of fun!

<head> <title>Random Mary Worth Storyline Generator</title> </head> <body> <script type="text/javascript"> var rand = function (arr) { return arr[Math.floor(Math.random() * arr.length)]; }; var output = "__________, a relative of "; output += rand(["Toby", "Chinbeard", "Dr. Jeff", "Wilbur Weston"]); output += ", arrives at Charterstone during one of their tri-weekly pool parties. But he/she is not all he/she seems! Rather, he/she is bearing a deep dark secret. Through "; output += rand(["a conversation with the new arrival's relative", "a first-hand viewing of puzzling events", "diligent meddling", "Satanic rituals"]); output += ", Mary discovers the new arrival's secret: he/she is secretly "; output += rand(["an alcoholic", "in love with Toby", "an illegal immigrant", "homeless", "grieving a loved one"]); output += "! Mary invites this tragic figure to her apartment for "; output += rand(["tuna casserole"]); output += " and nips the problem in the bud. Through "; output += rand(["three weeks", "one month", "two months", "years"]); output += " of "; output += rand(["gentle nagging", "overt meddling", "interminable flashbacks", "smug platitudes", "a gathering of hostile third parties masked as an intervention", "threats of death"]); output += " and insightful quotes from "; output += rand(["Confucius", "Benjamin Franklin", "Dr. Martin Luther King", "old Mary Worth strips"]); output += ", Mary convinces the troubled houseguest to tackle their problem and "; output += rand(["seek counseling", "turn themselves in", "talk to an estranged relative", "seek a love connection", "go to Vietnam for no reason", "come home from Vietnam for no reason", "drive off a cliff"]); output += " . The new arrival, having had their problem solved by Mary's deftness and skill, leaves Charterstone with a smile and is never seen again. Mary celebrates with a nice pool party, and seeks out her next victi - er... new friend. "; document.write(output); </script> </body>
Dr. Mabuse
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

FBOFW – I’m a 48-year old Canadian woman, and I didn’t get the “let go of the knob” joke. I think it’s something younger people say. Since LJ is even older than I am, and has long ago demonstrated that she is totally out of touch with current teen culture, I am almost sure she wasn’t making an off-colour joke. I suspect she was thinking of some visual gag, of a guy literally forgetting to let go of the doorknob when he walks through a door. Something à la Red Skelton; that would be more her speed.
Old School Allie Cat
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

FOOB – When the token black kid started listing his interests, my first thought was sports journalist. Travel agent? WTF?

Also – having just spent an evening with Canadian friends, I learned that the husband was not only given full tuition to go to Trade School and learn Auto Repair, he was given a $350 a week stipend to live on while he was in school.

You know, we’d all love to be Rock Star Veterinarians ™, but at the end of the day, somebody has to collect the garbage. Because as we all know, Lynn Johnston has been creating plenty!
TheDiva
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

I thought today’s FOOB was kind of funny in an unintentional way. Kind of like hearing one of your older relatives inadvertently make a double entendre and then enjoying their confusion as they try to understand why you’re giggling.
DAS
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

9CL: the difference between 9CL and a porno is that the love hexagon that has occupied untold amounts of comic space in 9CL would be a non-event in a porno: Edda, Amos, Isabel, Burkhardt, Seth and Mark could all just have regular orgies without all of this pointless dramatic tension. And given some of the more interesting illustrations made by McEldowney, you just know he’d jump at the chance to illustrate that porno-comic.
Pozzo
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth could give Dick Tracy a few lessons on the proper way to hold a cell phone.
Niall
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

200. queek: There’s a number of quotes from that movie, yes. Similarly, I still manage to find about one occasion a year to mutter to myself, “Can you run? I think not… I… thiiiink.. noooot…” :) (I saw both movies for the first time at a repertory cinema as a double bill. The lady witht he 5-year old walked out halfway through TLU, which was first, as the kid was crying, right after Mommy Fortuna. She didn’t get her money back, as they description clearly stated this was not for little kids.)

202. Dr. Mabuse: I would think more Milton Berle. Or Charles Chaplin. Or Buster Keaton…
Justafoob
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Let go of the knob and grab a foob.

Make sure you wash your hands though, I hear there is a MRSA epidemic on the loose.
LTBF
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

200-Don’t feel too bad. I’m a 40 year old American and I didn’t think anything dirty when I read it, either. I took it as April saying you have to go beyond just thinking about what you want to do and go out and do it.
bats :[
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Cripes. I used to think that some folks here used to stare at the comics way too long and find all sorts of niggly details. (This probably explains why I never can find all six differences in Bob Weber, Jr.’s, strip.)
And then…looking at that abomination at FOOB HQ of UnDressing April, I realized that she’s wearing purple-and-blue striped Phantom underwear. IS APRIL IN THE JUNGLE PATROL? If so, I protest! I protest vehemently! I don’t know why…but I do!

OTOH, it’s kind of keen that you can keep layering clothes on her so she ends up like some homeless bag lady. Which, if she’s not married before 20, Elly probably thinks she’s going to turn into.
rich
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

GT: “Atheletes“?

Who’s writing this stuff, Dust Bowl Willy?
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

#210 bats :[ – Just saw the link to that. Holy crap, April is going the way of Shannon and Julia; it’s like they took a drawing of her and stretched it to 150% horizontally or something.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

P.S. The comical thing about it is that April is a badly-compressed JPEG, whereas every other object is a nice vectorized Flash object – guess whoever was payed to toss this together couldn’t be bothered to take the, oh, hour and a half it would’ve taken to trace and color the picture of her in Flash. Then again, I can’t say I blame ‘em.
Trogdor
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

180 Loopina: The problem with today’s Big Nate is that Peirce is showing he’s just as out of touch with kids these days as LJ is.

In BN, Ellen is crushed that her favorite comic has been dropped by the local paper. Okay, maybe, just maybe she actually reads the comics in print. But as a modern teenager she wouldn’t be crushed to see it dropped from the paper (as if she’ll never see it again). She’d just find it online and read it there.
Loopina, Summer Intern of the Jungle Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

#214: Good point. I do think it’s funny that the strip is Nate’s secret shame. Kind of like the way that nobody knows that I enjoy GA, DT, and a few others…
Trogdor
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

215 Loopina: True. It was cute seeing Nate try and cover when he accidentally revealed that he knew the name of Bethany’s love interest.
Bitter Scribe
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

RE: Dilbert. Is anyone else finding this sequence vaguely xenophobic or bigoted?

Maybe a little, but it’s part of a long tradition of Westerners ascribing magical/spiritual/mentalist powers to Asians. Think of the Asp in “Little Orphan Annie,” or that kid in a turban whose name I don’t feel like looking up in “Johnny Quest.” There’s even an allusion to it in “Elmer Gantry,” when Elmer has a brief flirtation with New Thought (what we would now call New Age) by virtue of having been temporarily kicked out of his Protestant pulpit.
Shermy Glamrocker
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

Q. What did the clown homunculus say about his bride?

A. “She’s a living doll.”
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

#14 Hank – I don’t think you could call it “xenophobic” or “bigoted,” since it’s not (as far as I can see) in anyway played as negative. Yeah, it’s an old stereotype, but Adams is playing it in a thoroughly good-natured, tongue-in-cheek fashion (and has in the past.)
JB
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

217 — Bitter Scribe:

Haji was Johnny Quest’s friend.
JB
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

219 — commodorejohn…

He’s also playing it close to the theme on The Office a couple years ago, where Ryan the intern was far more talented/skilled than anyone else in the place, but bit his tongue non-stop to keep from telling some of the co-workers what idiots they were/are.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

FOOB: “Ohh, what’s a girl to wear today ?”

This:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2400/2437619444_cde2518fa4_o.png

Photoshopped to the Door’s tune: ‘This is the end.’
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

#222 AeroSquid – Bwahaha, Hello Kitty makes anything better.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

223. Commodorejohn – This needs to be a contest ! Bats :[ ?
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

#224 AeroSquid – Ooh, I’ve got the perfect idea…bats :[ just better not beat me to it.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

225 commodorejohn: I’m surprised he hasn’t done one yet.
Sally Villarreal
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

Tree hugging is one thing, but doesn’t the military frown on the man-tree kissing?
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

#226 AeroSquid – bats :[ is a she, if I recall correctly.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

227. Sally Villarreal: Lemme check.

Man-Shrub Illegal
Man-Man Illegal
Man-Vac Illegal
Man-Tank Illegal

Nope….Man-Tree is still cool.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

228. commodorejohn: Curse me and my Man-Centric ways !
Diamond Joe
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

#227 Sally Villareal:

No, actually, they prepare for this kind of thing.

“In them you’ll find one .45-caliber automatic, two boxes ammunition, four days’ concentrated emergency rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizing pills, one miniature Ent phrase book and Bible, one hundred dollars in acorns, one hundred dollars in gold, five packs of Miracle-Gro, one issue prophylactics, three tubes of compost, three yards of anti-gypsy moth netting… Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Yellowstone with all that stuff.”
Diamond Joe
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

#229 AeroSquid:

How about Man-Cow? (joke probably void outside Chicago and Los Angeles)

Or a three-way between two soldiers and Fred Thompson (Man-Fred-Man)?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick, Decreer of Things
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Diamond Joe @ 232 wrote:

Or a three-way between two soldiers and Fred Thompson (Man-Fred-Man)?

Man-Fred-Man’s Earth-banned.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

232. Diamond Joe: My military training forbids me to imagine such atrocities.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Old and Busted: Tattoos. New Hotness:

HOOTOOS!

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3132/2436874911_d464f709e1_o.png
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

And April knows how to make him wink.
bats :[
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

230. Aerosquid: aww, bless your little man-centric ways (and yeah, I just checked…I am a she)! I’ll leave it to you to have your way with April … maybe if it were someone all manly…like Asshathony…or Michael…or Gordon…damn, there’s no such critter in the Foobiverse… Oh, well. Have at it.

(I must admit, seeing your “options” for April, I found myself thinking “Oh! to be able to hack into a site and “fix” it.”.)

(Although my earlier thought was to offer a bright, shiny quarter to someone here (commodorejohn?) to write to Coffee Stalk and rhapsodize over the new “Dress April” feature: “I really like to dress April. And then undress her. And dress her again. And the next time, when I undress her, I do it really, really slow…”)
KH
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

#223 Commodorejohn: I just can’t say the same ever since we learned from MG&G what a party-girl tart HK is.
Gordo's Cat
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

#200 & #207 (queek & Niall) – I thought you two were talking about The Last Unicorn, but the quote: “Can you run? I think not… I… thiiiink.. noooot…” is actually from Watership Down (the movie came out the same year as TLU, as I recall). Did I miss the message where you referred to WD? If so, I humbly apologize.

BB: I think Killer is in love with Douglas Fir, making it not just hot man-on-tree action, but hot man-on-GAY-tree action! Don’t ask, don’t tell, yadduh yadduh…
odinthor
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

227. Sally Villarreal. –

Tree hugging is one thing, but doesn’t the military frown on the man-tree kissing?

I believe the new policy is “Don’t ax, don’t tell.”
Gordo's Cat
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

#240 – Oh, that’s even better! Good one!
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

#237 bats :[ – Hehe, I’ll stick to my snark; dirty talk is really Dingo’s forte.
KH
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

#233 TSSB-DoT:
Clap clap clap clap. Awesome.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

#79, Joe: Agnes lives in a trailer park named “The People’s Court.” I think her trailer is an old Airstream, hence the rivets. Wikipedia has the details.

I’ve always liked Agnes and became a devout fan when in an Easter strip Trout said of Jebus, “What is he, some kind of zombie?”
Islamorada Girl
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

Gap Toothed Starey Hoo Guy should be worshipped like a god.
Or at least have his very own t-shirt. I’d wear it.
Harold
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

Maybe we’ll find out that Curtis has been dealing Happy Crack, a mixture of Kool-Aid powder and sugar. (Also known as “Kool-Aid minus the water”.)

http://www.local6.com/education/9239221/detail.html
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Alright, guys: AeroSquid, bats :[, et. al, here it is.

Major sorries to Herb Alpert & co. for sullying the good taste of their original.
trey le parc
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

FW: You know which character I miss? The tuxedoed and masked waiter who ushered Lisa across the threshold to wherever her soul was consigned…as far as I can tell, the only character in the past several years who wasn’t drawn with a smirk crawling up the side of his or her face. I liken the migrating smirk to an engorged jungle leech, and probably just as painful to experience. However, I can imagine sporting a similar smirk when I club the artist senseless with the flat end of a shovel.
layla515
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

MW: You planted a tree, Mary? Just one tree? The way time moves in this strip you should have had time to plant enough trees to fill up a football field. You slacking or something? Although we can all be grateful they told and didn’t show or we might not see the conclusion until Arbor Day.
AeroSquid
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

247. commodorejohn: Your’e showing your age ! I never expected the TJ Brass album cover that got me through puberty. LOL
Tweeks_Coffee
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

#247 – commodorejohn: *hurp* Oh…Oh, my God. That’s completely vile. Man, that burrito 20 minutes ago is about to be a really bad idea.
Hank
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

RE: Peanuts. You know, maybe yesterday’s strip was, in fact, in honor of “Earth Day.” After all, Linus DID talk about joining the “lunatic fringe.”
;-)
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

#250 AeroSquid – Hehe, actually I’m only 22. I just spend a lot of time browsing the records at thrift stores ;)

For anybody who wants to take part, here is the full-resolution version of Nearly Naked April.

And by “nearly naked” I of course mean “wearing your grandma’s swimsuit.”
Jamus The Bartender
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

Luann: “She can’t do anything Delta…she’s not voting age.” Well, then. That answers THAT question for now and all time.
AhClem
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

#247 commodorejohn -
Bravo! You may be too young to remember that album, but I’m not. An alternate title might be “Whipped Foobs and Other Delights.”
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

#255 AhClem – Actually, looking back, it should’ve been “Buttered Tarts’ instead. Oh well.
Raznor
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

Egads! Killer is being squeezed to death by a huorn!
Niall
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

239. Gordo’s Cat: Well, we were indeed talking about Last Unicorn, and I’m the one who made an imprecise segue (”Similarly…”) to Watership Down, talking about more lines one can lift from those two movies – which are often linked together precisely because they came out the same year. Those who like one often like both.

I clicked once on commodorejohn’s link but I refuse to click on the other April ones. I’m keeping my sanity, dammit!
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

Okay, I haven’t had much comics-snarking time today. But what’s with the masturbation joke in FOOB? “You just have to remember to let go of the knob”? Michael Scott needs to be there for a “that’s what she said.”
True Fable
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

# 199 queek – GOATS! Goats in TREES! It’s high time I haz cheezburgers started showing some goat pix. Thanks!

I’m going to have to come up with some April wear. I liked Aero Squid’s offering in #222! Hmm… I have an entire night and a drawing pad before me…. bwahahaha!
LTFNP
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

GT: Mimi and Gil are dancing like Laura and Rob Petrie. In the kitchen. While cooking.That is so impressive.

–Long-time fan, newish poster.
Tweeks_Coffee
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Re: Dress up April contest: Well, here’s my entry (NSFW)…
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v675/Tweeks_Coffee/Apesuit.jpg

A little rough, but it’ll do. I’m not entirely sure how I managed to hold down my dinner while doing that.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

bats, Aerosquid, commodorejohn, can I take this down a notch? Help April’s Cosmetic Surgeon (NSFW unless you’re a surgeon). …What it lacks in funny, it makes up for in breasts.

Also, MT: Misfortune Strikes the Pep Family
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

Tweeks, thanks for helping with a smoother downward spiral. :)
Buck Ripsnort
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

Commodore John– I still think the perfect FOOB recipe is BUTT tarts.
commodorejohn
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

#262 Tweeks_Coffee – EEEYIKES.

#263 Dean Booth – Hahaha, great!
ChattyGenes
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

#260 True Fable.

“I’m going to have to come up with some April wear. I liked Aero Squid’s offering in #222! Hmm… I have an entire night and a drawing pad before me…. bwahahaha!”

And a waiting audience who would love to be distracted from her mountain of schoolwork!;-)
anonymous
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

#38 – Jonathan Rhys-Myers was to play Schmendrick the Magician. (sigh.) I’m sorry the live treatment of The Last Unicorn fell through. It’s probably my favorite book in the world and with CGI they could have made quite a nice little movie.

Mary Worth: I know it’s late in the day, but looking at Mary Worth up there? I really, really, really want to punch her in the face.

Thank you, good night.
Tweeks_Coffee
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

#260 – True Fable: Doooooooo ittttttttttttttttt…
#264 – Dean Booth: Just consider it a speed bump on the road to Hell.
ohyes
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker: “We can manage without you for a few days.”

Mary realizes at once that she’s being laid off, effective the moment that she fell. She’s not getting paid for lying in the backseat, wasting Abby’s time.

“You’re going to stay off that foot and also cut back on discretionary spending.”
Keetipantz
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

Is the man in the lanst panel of Beetle Bailey and arborophile, resorting to expressing his lust for trees on earth day?
Niall
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

268. Anonymous: It’ll take a darn good director to keep a tight rein on J. Rhys-Davies and not let him goof off and “reimagine” the character as a buffoon as he did with Gimli. Plus he’s way too old – Schmendrick is only slightly experienced and still capable of naivete.

And now I present.. the MARK TRAIL AUDIO THEATRE, featuring the little robot girl searching for her dog!

The Strip

The Audio (a mere 142kb)
TheDiva
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

272 Niall: Wrong actor; Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is the man who plays the ultra sexed-up version of Henry VIII in The Tudors. I could see him as Schmendrick–he can play geeky-cute rather well.
True Fable
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

#267 ChattyGenes & 269 Tweeks Coffee – I won’t be able to offer anything for viewing until tomorrow morning Stateside time, when I can get home to my scanner. But oh yes, April’s going to have a whole new ‘tude by the time I’m done with her.

>:D
Jailbait
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

#271 — I would say so :D
Niall
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

Oh. Rhys-Meyers and Rhys-Davies… I think I’ve been confusing the two for years then.. don’t think I’ve ever seen Meyers in that case. Sorry!
Poteet
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

# 193 — Me, the resident DT guru? How kind of you, gh, but this is an honor that I desperately wish to share. Since you noticed and came up with a theory (bwaha!) about the tippy-toe stance that my brain refused to see, I think Fate has chosen you. Let us assume the lotus position side by side and hope this storyline will soon end, so we can at least contemplate a different insane villain.
Poteet
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

# 262 Tweeks — BWAHAHA! I just hope I won’t dream about that tonight.
Loopina, Summer Intern of the Jungle Patrol
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

Early Thursday:

FC: EGAD! The evil clown is back, this time in coloring book form!
And, what’s with Grandma’s wisdom? In a box that small, the strangest name a crayon might have would be “prussian blue”. You ain’t got nothing on Mary Worth, you old biddy.

MT: The owl seems pensive. I imagine it letting fall a single tear, like the Indian in the commercial about pollution. Will these white men never learn to walk their dogs on leashes?
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

MW: WELCOME BACK, GIANT DONUTS!!!
Irrational Princess
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

#247: Now there’s a lovely mental image to haunt you in your dreams tonight, or if you happen to be an insomniac, simply scar your mind. Darn April and her homely buttertart-encrusted flesh!

#262: And now an even more disturbing one that’ll be sure to put me off whipped cream for some time. Leave it to Pattersons to make not only eating disgusting, but ‘erotic’ food vomit-inducing as well.

Bravo, guys. Let’s see how it’ll get from here. *what would be more disturbing than barely-there whipped cream or buttertart? XD D: Oh my.*
Poteet
April 24th, 2008 at 12:29 am [Reply]

RMMD — Rex is looking lovely again. How come he gets all the noble profiles, while poor Count Morgu is always forced to keep his chin down and peer over his specs?
Cheese-n-Pear
April 24th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

DT: It’s usually about now, as the “plot” winds down, that I begin to wish that Dick Tracy would just end the story already, but not this time. I could enjoy endless strips of some dude who may, or may not, be Cole Lector, staggering around uttering nonsense syllables, while various people announce new irrelevant details and then wonder what the hell is going on. Zippy the Pinhead would milk this for months.
ChattyGenes
April 24th, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

#282 Poteet. That would be “forced to keep his slovenly, unshaven chin down,” I think:-)

Or does that go with the territory? At the risk of appearing ignorant, who is Count Morgu? Is he slovenly and unshaven?
ChattyGenes
April 24th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

#284 Me. Good grief (she says red-faced). That really IS the character’s name. (Must follow this strip a little more carefully.)

When I Googled “Count Morgu” I got lots of CC hits. But the best part was the question Google asked me:

“Did you mean COUNTY MORGUE?”

Is THAT how the writer came up with the name??
Poteet
April 24th, 2008 at 12:46 am [Reply]

# 284 ChattyGenes — Greetings! Happy to connect with you before heading to bed. I believe it was Bats who christened Count Morgu, named after the partly-obscured “Morgue” sign in a previous strip. I think she also showed us that he’s a vampire. But drowsiness is obscuring my memory, and perhaps another Mudge can be more helpful. Fare thee well.
Frank Parsnip
April 24th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

A3G: “You worked for Eric?!” Margo is already thinking of what she could achieve in life if only she could be kicked out of the Mills Gallery, too.

MT: Given all the attention lavished on that owl in panel 3, you would figure that they could at least do a semi-competent drawing of a van. That looks like a short school bus painted black, which makes sense given that this entire petnapping enterprise seems to be run by evil retards.

Sex Organ, M.D.: Hospital administrator Alex Falotnuoc is looking a bit worn at the edges after his artful acting performance in front of the huge pitchfork-wielding MRSA-hating crowd, but in the end so long as he can keep them at bay, he’ll be able to keep the Baudelaire orphans under his thumb until the day that he can arrange a convenient surgical-saw accident.

Blondie: Dagwood eats curry? Not just sandwich after sandwich? Holy crap, this is quite a development — the first intrusion of ethnic food into this strip, even if it is to point out the loathesome permanence of its staining effects.

Andy Capp: Lucky man, look what he gets to come home to…

GT: What the hell kind of baseball shoes is Branden Zollar wearing? She’s got hobnailed shoes circa 1920 stolen off Ty Cobb’s corpse.

DT: Cole Lector is doing some sort of funky got-that-arrow-in-my-back dance.

MF: Tinsley’s comparing a compact fluorescent bulb to Barack Obama? Hell, I’ve got a toaster that looks just like John McCain, and a refrigerator looks like Bruce Tinsley except for not having enough beer in it.

FC: Grandma knows how to teach: “Yes, those crayons can teach us a lot of things. For example, the pinkish one marked ‘Flesh’ is the only proper color for a human being’s skin. ‘Yellow Peril’ and ‘Cotton Picker’ crayons will come in handy for any drawings you would like to do of the making of the Transcontinental Railroad.”

MW: Why is Mary tilting her head to one side and making that weird Rudy Giuliani frowny downwards smile?
ChattyGenes
April 24th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Okay. How much deeper can I dig myself in, here? WHO named him Count Morgu? A Mudgie? Josh?

This is what happens when I give up serious reading of CC and concentrate (like I’m supposed to do, actually) on my job, which is teaching.

Thank God a new thread has just been posted, and I can crawl off of this one, at least sort-of unnoticed.
ChattyGenes
April 24th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

#286 Poteet.

Thanks for the answer!

(*Continues crawling off the thread.*)
Frank Parsnip
April 24th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

Niall (276): And then there’s Russ Meyer, too…
DanKirby
April 24th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

Here’s the strip that “Count Morgu” originated from.
Flipper
April 24th, 2008 at 5:01 am [Reply]

201 Eric Wright – That’s very cool! The only thing it needs to completely simulate the Mary Worth experience is for the words to type out excruciatingly slowly.
bats :[
April 24th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

276. Niall: J. Rhys-Meyer was also the adolescent son in “The Governess,” Steerpike in the miniseries “Goremghast,” and he played opposite Ewan MacGregor in “Velvet Underground.” (I might not have cable, but I have a weird collection of videos.)

BWAHA to the nth on the April foolery! (I love how you’ve lowered the bar, Dean — my mind regularly flops around in the gutter and I have to be careful to make it behave when I’m goofing around with Photoshop…).
Vyola
April 24th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

#293 – The Jonathan Rhys Meyers-Ewen McGregor-Christian Bale movie is Velvet Goldmine. The Velvet Underground was a band.

Rhys Meyers’ character was loosely based on David Bowie. McGregor’s was a mix of Iggy Pop and Lou Reed, a main member of the Underground.
queek
April 24th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

263: left hand side, second from the top gets my vote. *two thumbs up*
Larry
April 24th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Is it me or is Mary Worth starting to look a lot like Celeste Holmes?
TheMan370
August 20th, 2008 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

I don’t follow what was just posted.
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May 28th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

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