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It’s not Hi who’s high

Hi and Lois, 5/10/08

Watch out for Lois’s crazy eyes, Hi! This “spontaneity” she’s experiencing is entirely meth-driven. If the completely barren room in which you’re standing is any indication, “cleaning the attic” is a euphemism for “finding everything of any possible resale value there and hocking it to buy more drugs.”

Spider-Man, 5/10/08

I was surprised as anyone to see this Spider-Man storyline start out with the introduction of a supervillain, even though this strip has debased the notion of “supervillain” to the extent that some chump in a dorky bird suit qualifies. Things got more in line with the Spider-Man I know when our hero was felled by the influenza virus, and today we see that our feathered baddy is actually going to stymied by some random swell in a blue tux in his very first post-prison robbery attempt. Thus, the path is open to the real plotline: endless whining from Peter Parker about how nobody needs him and being a superhero is pointless and he’s wracked with ennui and self-loathing and blah blah blah.

Crock, 5/10/08

Gah! I laughed aloud at Crock today! Curses, all my curmudgeonly street cred is gone, gone!

148 responses to “It’s not Hi who’s high”

  1. Mac
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Hey, at least Lois isn’t asking Hi to “clean the garage”. Nobody wants to see that, spontaneous or not.

  2. cheech wizard
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Is “Clean the attic” anything like “cleaning the garage?” Because maybe Lois isn’t high, but with four kids is frantically, desperately starved for sex.

  3. Uncle Lumpy
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    It’s not just Spider-Man who’s lazy: the Vulture wants his victims to decide what he should rob. Apparently, “wallets, jewelry, watches” is either out of his conceptual reach, or too damn much mouthwork.

    And yeah, I can see the writer is just setting up the lame “it’s worth . . . . it’s worth” payoff line in panel 3. So the Vulture’s laziness has been marshaled in service of Lee’s and Leiber’s own. Seems right for this strip.

  4. Gabacho
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – it was very clear in the Drew Dawn Vera plot and now reinforced in the pointless “Amalfi – An American Death” plot – that Mary has achieved a new level of “Just in Time” meddling. Notice that she really hasn’t done much. Her brief early presence alone is enough to cause people to veer wildly off track and solve minor romantic misunderstandings by running off to Vietnam or banging their boss and to make normal family squabbles end in death.

    This is whole new level of Mary and I for one love it.

  5. Tabby Lavalamp
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    If it makes you feel better, I laughed at B.C. recently. It gives me the feeling that most comic strip writers belong to the “if you throw enough shit at a wall” school of comedy.

  6. Gabacho
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Crock – for what it’s worth, I laughed out loud too. But I never had any street cred to I’ve lost little.

    Hi & Lois – Lois is proposing sex, you moron. Hot sweaty dusty attic sex. Take it.

    Gil Thorp – you know I am confused about why Elmer Vargas is telling everybody about his precarious situation. Actually, I’m confused about everything in Gil Thorp. That’s normal, right?

    Apt 3G – is Alan addicted to POT?! Is that what’s going on? Because not many people are actually addicted to pot, although it is possible that those few who are also form the core of Apt 3G readers.

  7. TeacherPatti
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Is Lois always that busty? I’m not in the habit of checking out cartoon-mom knockers, but they caught my attention today.

  8. Bill Wright
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Can someone explain today’s Garfield to me? Is the joke supposed to be that Garfield never does anything in moderation, yet he is exclaiming the opposite?

    Or does it have something to do with the way Odie and Jon are checking out Garfield’s ass as he bends over in the last panel? Did he forget to wipe after using the litter box? Perhaps he forgot to remove one of his “cat toys” after playtime with Arlene?

  9. Muddtallica
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    TeacherPatti: I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed that; they definitely are more pronounced today than normal. Then again, Lois mysteriously sported freckles the other week as well that have subsequently disappeared, so I’m going to jump to the conclusion that she is either a shape-shifter, or that she’s developed surgical addiction, like that clockwork man in Hellboy.

    Also, it does seem odd that Spider-Man‘s supervillains are only showing up when the hero himself isn’t around; I reckon it’s because the colourists can only afford a set number of hues per panel, and two outlandishly costumed characters in the same strip would more or less bankrupt them… that, or simply because they hate excitement. Either seems a sound explanation to me.

  10. commodorejohn
    May 10th, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    #8 Bill Wright – I think today’s Garfield is proof that the people over at Paws, Inc. have finally gone insane.

  11. Gal Friday
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    #4 MW I think this is a record for Mary: meddling victory in a 10-minute lunch conversation.

    RMMRSA: Oh gawd, Rex is going to “poke around” the junior high.

  12. Galevav
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]


    Ziggy: There’s a much more interesting panel that has gone undrawn. What exactly happens when the time is up? It probably ceases to swing, but the first thought I actually has was “Peruvian Death Squad”. Freud would have something to say about that.

    Rose is Rose: Reading Rose is Rose can be exhausting. After translating the baby’s gibberish, I realized that that is time that I will never, ever get back. Damn you, Rose is Rose.

    Pluggers: In this comic we have a dog with a pet dog. There’s so many things wrong with this. I’m just going to move on and try to forget.

    My Cage: I haven’t read this comic in a while. I see that I didn’t miss anything, based on the quality of this gag.

    Marvin: Just how long are baby jokes funny? Not just Marvin, I’m referring to a lot of comics out there. Eventually, there’s nothing more to say, and you have the baby who can’t talk, to my knowledge, using a computer. Writing a self-help column for babies. Eventually he will do everything anyone else can do, driving, getting a job, but he still has to have is diapers changed and eat mashed foods. He will, in other words, skip past 80 years of his life. Or maybe it’s already happened, I don’t keep up.

    Marmaduke: has never been funny. That is all.

    Lockhorns: See Marmaduke.

    Herb & Jamaal: Jamaal is supposed to be the good guy, right? I think I’m missing something here. Moving on.

    Heathcliff: I can’t do anything that this guy’s not already doing to himself.

    Heart of the City: Truman tells me that this story arc/beegrinding festival is annoying. I can see why.

    Get Fuzzy: Get out.

    Garfield: I like the look on Jon and Odie’s faces. They don’t look as cut-and-pasted as usual.

    Close to Home: They didn’t really need the dungeon setting for this one.

    Between Friends: Dialogue 2 sounds like something I’d say.

  13. Mac
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    I don’t read Garfield — I have my limits — but I had to check this out. First off, it takes two clicks on the Garfield website to get to the day’s comic, which seems to indicate that Paws knows where its lasagna is buttered these days. Second, I think that the point of the strip is that years of overeating have finally caught up with Garfield and he has finally suffered a heart attack. At least, I hope that’s it.

  14. Nemo
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Garfield did that gag back in the eighties or early nineties. It looks familiar, and it’s got a touch of absurdity.

  15. zipper patrol
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    So today I finally realized why all the Spider-man plots are so incredibly stupid: the author thinks all his readers are morons. Notice how he uses the word “valuables” in panel one, and then defines it in panel two, having apparently realized that it has three syllables, and is thus WAY beyond the grasp of the unwashed masses.

  16. Unknown Eric
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    As if Jim Edmonds’ day wasn’t bad enough, the news that he was cut from the Padres had to come from Marmaduke.

  17. Consul the Almost Human
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Violent little chthunt, isn’t she?

  18. RaJ
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Knowing what we do about the skill and competence of the typical “Spiderman” villain, I think it’s safe to presume that the Vulture’s coming out of this robbery with a bag full of stolen metrocards and lint. I can see him in full costume, laughing maniacally at the turnstiles as he swipes through some old lady’s 1-Day Fun Pass. Spiderman meanwhile, will try but fail to catch him; using his powers all the time, he’s forgotten completely how to use public transit. Instead, he will get on the express train by accident, arrive in the Bronx, and inevitably, perish.

  19. Diamond Joe
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Yesterthread’s snark on today’s comics here.

    y116 gleeb:

    It’s a chicken. He’s surprised it showed up because of its reputation of… being a chicken.

    y124 bats :[:

    I was thinking more of “this puppy” just as slang for “this thing” (e.g., “Let’s land this puppy”), but I like your interpretation.

    #8 Bill Wright:

    I think the joke is that Garfield is being immoderate in his support of moderation. Or perhaps I’m just trying to superimpose meaning onto chaos.

  20. TurtleBoy
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Alan’s thought balloon from tomorrow’s A3G: “Man, angel dust is a stone cold downer! That’s the last time I do speed. Alan, m’boy, acid is not for you. I’m telling Jones, ‘no more roofies for me, my friend. This is one guy who’s breakin’ away from the rock, once and for all.’ Mary Jane’s a bitch of a wife. That’s why they call it dope, I guess.”

  21. RaJ
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    In “Crock,” both “maggot” and “lucky” sound like slang for STDs. Then again, I must assume “lucky” is slang for genital disfigurement. I can’t imagine that word used in its original context, being applied to anyone stuck in “Crock.”

  22. Calico
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    That is one helluva drag queen in Spider Man. Peter should be there to at least take a look, and laugh.

  23. migellito
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t laugh at all when reading Crock. I can see why someone would, but I got stuck on the phrase ‘got lucky and snared maggot.’ Just how familiar with the Crockiverse would one need to be, to be able to gloss over this and pay attention to the joke in the final panel? I will never know.

  24. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    S-M: In which we learn that “Spider-Man” would be more exciting were it about a random private security guy with a mustache.

    WofI: It’s funny because there are doctors who look up your ass. That’s pretty much all they’ve got here.

    JP: Woody’s appealing hard to that 18% of the population who want to stay in Iraq. I like Samira’s idea of calling the police and fire department first. She must have read “7 Habits of Hifghly Effective Terrorists.”

    GA: The truth will now come out. The Kleebs aren’t rich. They just make a living by impersonating rich snobs at parties.

    Ziggy: Hey don’t complain, Ziggy. That’s a pretty decent rate for a prostitute.

    Phantom: “Oops, just remembered I’m supposed to have a secret identity. Hey, if four pygmies show up at your house to kill you, don’t take it personal. Peace.”

    PBS: Nice highbrow joke today.

    Lockhorns: Leroy introduces himself to the male host of the party as “Mr Right,” which sounds like a come-on. So Leroy swings both ways? I really don’t know what to do with that information.

    RMMD: Go to the junior high and poke around? Oh no, Rex. You almost got caught the last time.

  25. Smokehouse
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    I like how the tuxedoed gentleman’s tackle has caused the “villain” to seemingly throw his gun, despite the fact that his arm was not hit by the tackle at all. Then again, looking at that get-up, I’d imagine he’s a little limp-wristed anyway.

  26. RaJ
    May 10th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    I think “let’s clean the attic” is just another way of saying, “let’s dispose of that Girl Scout’s body before the police come knocking.” Of course, the second panel has Lois mocking the corpse’s girth, which itself is in surprisingly poor taste.

  27. John C Fremont
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Josh, from the title “It’s not Hi who’s high,” I thought for sure you were going to mention special brownies, Daisy Dukes and lots of bright yellow paint.

  28. mollificent
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Argh, I killed the last thread! AGAIN!

    (Got to remember to refresh before posting, and look for the blue clicky at the bottom right. Sigh. Oh well…I should be cleaning my apartment anyway.)

  29. Joe Blevins
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    I love the fact that Garfield has that intense street-preacher/prophet of doom/”Solyent Green is made of people!” look on his face as he desperately spreads his message of moderation.

    I’m sort of on board with the theory that Garfield is being immoderate in his support of moderation, but it would take a few more panels to really sell that joke properly. Perhaps Garfield could grab Jon by the shirt collar and shake him violently while thinking, “Do you hear me, Arbuckle! I said moderation! MODER-FUCKING-ATION!”

  30. Salvor Hardin
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    My Cage: A neglected paper journal. In 2008. Seriously. 2008.

    FW: An uplifting, positive FW? My guess is a debilitating stroke for Harry in the parking lot by Monday.

    BStarr: When you get to be my age, your life may be complicated enough to warrant a 5-paragraph essay!

  31. Gulielma
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    FC: You see your father holding a naked infant on his head and you warn him about *drooling*??

    GF: Go play on the beltway/turnpike/expressway, Mac McManx. You’re only funny in small doses. Not all freaking week.

    Zits: Hector has a thing for older women? Cool!

    PBS: Trying to sell ice cream using a funeral march? Bad marketing indeed!

  32. Dr. Weird
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW’s retro strip had John using the word “Damn.” Shocking!

  33. Evan
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Maybe there’s something in the attic they can use to spruce up their house. I find the featureless, windowless room, entirely devoid of furnishings save for an oddly distorted ladder to nowhere, somewhat disquieting.

  34. Baka Gaijin
    May 10th, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Crock: Oh, THAT explains it! She’s a fag hag. What? She rubbed onion dip on some twink’s six pack then married him, happy to have a “husband” who wouldn’t care if she blew up like the balloon she knew she’d become. It’s not like he’s going to actually be sexing her up or anything. She’s not an old maid, he has a cover for the “don’t ask, don’t tell” crowd. Everyone wins!

  35. Poteet
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    S-M — THAT is supposed to be a vulture costume??!! BWAHAHAHA! I’ve seen vulture hand puppets that were far more convincing. And I still say that the vulture ability to projectile-vomit decayed flesh would be an excellent super-ability. It would be even cooler (so to speak) if the Vulture defecated on his own legs to reduce his body temperature, like a real vulture, and then challenged Spider-Man to close combat.

  36. Slylock Foxy
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    The potential for less-than-hot Gunther ‘n’ Knute lovin’ in Luann was pretty much the high point of my comics perusal today, which is a sorry state of affairs. If my comics reading isn’t going to get any better than homoerotic hints from Luann & Co., then at the very least I want them to come from bitchy, possessive, insanely jealous Bernice. Or from TJ.

  37. jeffersonista
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I’ve noticed that the daily Hi and Lois comics seem to be drawn differently- is there a new artist?

  38. Anonymous
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    I’m confused about the last panel of Spider Man. The blue suited man says “It’s worth a trip back to prison, birdman.”

    Is he saying that he was originally in prison and that by tackling the Vulture he will eventually end up back in prison – but the chance of tackling a bird suited super villain is just too good to pass up?

    Or is this just a bad pun?

    Like Vulture I too am going “Wha–?” (cue goofy face and Benny Hill music)

  39. bats :[
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    19. Diamond Joe re MT: dang, I was sure that I’d pegged that! Ah, well, proof positive that my mind is firmly entrenched in the gutter.
    Maybe I should go and “fix” some more of June’s lingerie…

    34. Baka Gaijin: somehow, I find the terms “six-pack” and “twink” mutually exclusive. However, I’m sure they’re out there — many things (photos included) can be found on the Internet.

    And if the Post Office doesn’t get people to donate to their Food Drive, maybe THIS is the reason:
    I don’t know if this is true across the country (I suspect it is), but today was “Letter Carriers Food Drive” day, or something to that effect. On Thursday we had an empty plastic bag delivered with our mail, encouraging us to donate non-perishable goods to the Food Drive and put the bag out with our donations (and outgoing mail) on Saturday morning.
    What a painless way to donate! So we did.
    So the bag was picked up.
    So, this was in our mailbox:
    The horror. The horror. It gives “going postal” a whole new meaning.

  40. One-eyed Wolfdog
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Wild-eyed, I can understand, but I’m surprised Lois isn’t a little tuckered out after her OC binge of “cleaning” the room they’re currently standing in by dismantling all the furniture down to its component parts, sorting them, labelling them, and carrying them out to the landfill in alphabetical order. She also seems to have applied a uniform floor-to-ceiling whitewash (the carpet? unclean, burned) and boarded over any potential ingress to her perfect spotless little sanctum sanctorum. The only remaining anomaly is the ladder (well, and Hi, but he’ll be disposed of soon and gruesomely enough my god it is so hard to scrub out the bloodstains but bleach and elbow grease always does the trick eventually I find), which may have been preserved deliberately because from the standpoint of perspective it’s enough to make M. C. Escher lose his lunch, and just the sort of thing a twisted mind like that would want to keep around.

    All in all, this wasn’t the best couple of panels I’ve ever seen.

  41. Jana C.H.
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Re-posted from yesterday’s thread:

    Mudge Meeting in Seattle!
    Java Bean Coffee House
    5819 24th Ave NW
    May 17, 2008, 2:30 pm

    Mollificent and I have been working out details for a meeting of Seattle-area Mudges, and have decided to go for the most important day of the month: Syttende Mai! That’s Saturday, May 17, Norwegian Constitution Day in Ballard.

    Location: the Java Bean Coffee House, at the corner of NW 59th Street and 24th Avenue NW. I’ll stake out a place on the curb; we can watch the parade for a while, and when we get tired of that we can retire to the coffee house or to my condo a block away, if no one minds the mess. (Sweetener: I still have my Marvel Comics collection from my youth, and a still-growing collection of books of various comics.)

    Java Bean Home Page:

    Syttende Mai:

    I’ll be there wearing a navy blue hat with a large red silk rose. See you there, ya sure!

    Jana C.H.
    Saith Stan Boreson: Who left the halibut on the poop deck?

  42. Disloyal Fan
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    #10 – I think today’s Garfield is proof that the people over at Paws, Inc. have quit showing up for work and the janitor has taken over.

    #12 – My Cage with its “no news is good news” cliche is actually relevant to me, coming off several months of personal tragedy, salary cuts, and mortgage woes (and that’s just me!), so I guess I can’t blame Ed if he’s feeling pretty lucky these days. As for H&J I join you in wondering why this comic that has so much potential has to be such a yawner in the romance-for-Jamaal dept.

    #13 TRUE comics fans pay the fees and get all their faves from Daily Ink, MyComics, and (not to mention auto-emails from the likes of and read all before venturing here to blog.

    Speaking of which…Sheldon writer Kellett can go from awesome to not depending on the day. Today was a Not. How far, far you’ve fallen from the heights of Klingon fashion, Dave!

    FBOFW: Again I’m wondering why this comic is continually going retro. Maybe LJ 1)Can’t decide to switch to Classics and have it over with? 2)Can’t get over Artist’s Block so spends all her time being drunk and going through the archives to meet those pesky deadlines? 3) Enjoys getting full artist pay for 2? 4) Is actually dead and the janitor is handling this one on a daily basis as well?

  43. TeacherPatti
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    #9: Surgery addiction, definitely. Either that or a shitty comic artist.

    #39 Bats:[–we got a message from the FC encouraging us to donate the food. I think it had the family hauling out bags of food, but I have tried to repress the image from my collective memories so I’m not sure.

  44. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    #35 Poteet:

    THAT is supposed to be a vulture costume??!! BWAHAHAHA! I’ve seen vulture hand puppets that were far more convincing.

    And I’ve seen vulture sock puppets that were far more sinister than this, erm, costume enthusiast.

  45. Disloyal Fan
    May 10th, 2008 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    BTW, here’s the beginning of the Klingon Fashion series, in case you actually wanted to read a funny comic today. Another personal fave is the Shakespeare Word-Stealer series. That’s right – Shakespeare. Bam!

  46. commodorejohn
    May 10th, 2008 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    #44 Spotted HØrse – Hell, the Giant Claw is a more sinister villainous vulture.

  47. Ian
    May 10th, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    I, for one, think it’s fantastic that Hi and Lois have an open enough relationship that they can sit down and seriously discus things like “the lack of spontaneity in their lives”. I also think it’s hilarious that Lois, who mustn’t be too retarded (she’s a real estate agent after all ), mistook this as what Hi perhaps had in mind. Though, I must admit, I do not find this so hilarious that I would be moved to show physical signs of amusement.

  48. Poteet
    May 10th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    # 44 Spotted H0rse — HAR! And the sad thing is that a vulture sock puppet would be waaay too much for Spider-Man to handle, what with the flu and all.

  49. Sarah Marie
    May 10th, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    You know, the last two days of Garfield have been rather good, I think. Am I banned?

  50. Dr. Blinky
    May 10th, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    No sir, your curmudgeonly status is forever safe. The work you do here exceeds what a dozen ordinary curmudgeons might achieve on their most cantankerous of days.

  51. Mac
    May 10th, 2008 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man has been bugging me, and I think I know why. What kind of supervillain pulls a stick-up? Dressing up in a bird costume and holding up a party doesn’t make you a supervillain. And if you’re going to use gun, it at least has to be a raygun or have some sort of weird comic-book effect, not an ordinary pistol. Even the established supervillains are lame in this strip.

  52. Uncle Lumpy
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #44 SHJS said:

    And I’ve seen vulture sock puppets that were far more sinister than this, erm, costume enthusiast.

    And I’ve seen vulture collectible porcelain figurines that were more menacing than this, hem, Halloween reject.

  53. Poewar
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or did Dennis just get his arm yanked out of its socket for not coming quickly enough? Dennis may not be a Menace but his dad sure is an a-hole.

  54. One-eyed Wolfdog
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    One day Amos is gonna get his arm yanked out of its socket by Edda for exactly the opposite reason, mark my words.

  55. Poewar
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    I’ve seen a vulture shaped Dennis that was more menacing than this costumed irritant.

  56. IagoPogo
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Hell, Snoopy as a vulture was more menacing!

  57. Gold-Digging Nanny
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Dear Momma,

    Get stuffed.


    Gold-Digging Nanny

  58. Citric
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    You know Popeye has a big phallic bird in panel 2, right? Complete with some gigantic balls? I’m not the only one who has noticed this, right?

  59. Sarah Marie
    May 10th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    I was trying to make a joke.

  60. commodorejohn
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    #51 Mac – Well, of course they’re lame. The only way for whiney, dim-witted do-nothing Spidey to not get his ass handed to him is to square off against someone even more incompetent than he is.

  61. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    #30 Salvor Hardin,
    They still sell paper journals in stores, so someone must still be using them. Also, I don’t see how the joke would work with a blog.

  62. Hugin
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    A bit late to Saturday’s party, but better late than never.

    DT: Maybe it isn’t all bad news Dick. The new recruit can take over the job of holding Liz’s cell phone up to her ear for her. Panel 3 does explain the SWAT teams trouble getting in: there’s no way those deformed, stumpy little fingers could grasp a doorknob to open it.

    GF: Did you really have to bring McManx back? The Canadian jokes of the last few days, while a bit lame, were at least readable. “McManx talks funny” isn’t even a joke anymore, just a horrible waste of space and time.

    MW: There better be more to this story than: Mary meddles, fighting sons make up, mom dies. One of the two better be plotting a deadly strike behind his veneer of Chip ‘n Dale politeness.

    MRSA, MD: Rex, everyone gets nervous when you start mentioning Hamilton Junior High. And don’t get June’s hopes up by using that first person plural “We’ll poke around.” We know that she’ll have no part of any poking you do at HJH.

    Zits: Hector and Jeremy’s Mom? Could we actually get an interesting storyline? Nah, by Monday we’ll be back to “Jeremy’s shoes smell bad” or “Dad is out of touch with pop culture.”

  63. Harold
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Hugin @ 62, I read what you wrote as “Chip ‘n Dale”. But my heart said “Alphonse and Gaston”

  64. rhymes with puck
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Yeah, the tuxedoed guy thinks he’s tough, taking on a man in a bird suit. Let’s see how he fares against a brick!

    RMMD: Rex is going to poke around the high school? Nah, too easy.

    Pluggers: Is that a dog ordering that dog to sit?

    H&J: Jamaal takes romance lessons from Rex Morgan.

  65. Gold-Digging Nanny
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Ooh! A bandwagon to jump on!

    And I’ve seen pom-pom and popsicle-stick vultures with googly eyes that are more sinister than this poor excuse for a feather boa!

  66. PeterW
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: continuing the analogy, it’s clear that “Clean the attic” means she’s propositioning oral sex.

    Garfield: Re: the actual comic: I would say that only Davis has cracked, but I’m more inclined to believe that the artists are crazy as well than that they just do whatever the boss/writer says.
    In response to others on the topic, I wrote a set of HTML pages (one for every day of the week) and put links to all the comics I follow on it. No money, no screenscraping or other tricky coding, and I get newspaper comics plus the good stuff (i.e. an assortment of webcomics).

    Get Fuzzy: I have a vague understanding of cockney slang, but I can’t follow Mac at all this week. Last time he was around I got about 50%.

    Blondie: Dagwood is miffed because he was in his thirties when Cary Grant was born.

    Jump Start: JoJo’s going to start an unpopular war in the sandbox, isn’t he?

    Luann: Everybody talks about Gunther’s evil, soulless, beady eyes, but remember he used to have glasses, and of course, cartoon characters with glasses have empty sockets behind the lenses.

    Mallard Fillmore: Is it racist if I like the fact that nothing sticks to him?

    Mutts: Mooch is getting beaten! Mooch is getting beaten! Serves him right for using that cartoony lisp.

    Overboard: Uh, you guys know that if you go to port, you’ll have long shadows again at about 7 tonight, right?

    Over the Hedge: I seriously laughed out loud at it. It’s so base, but I really liked it.

    PBS: Actually, the ice cream came from China, so the music is their loophole. Any kid stupid enough to eat from that truck was warned and thus is not entitled to medical restitutions.

    Sally Forth: a much better strip to LOL at.

    Zits: ???!

  67. Mibbitmaker
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    #52 (UL): …A vulture figurine that’s easily broken by a drunken Ritzilla Begler is more menacing than birdboy in S-M!

    (I got Ritzilla’s last name right, right?)

  68. Mooncattie
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    S-M – I can picture John Cleese as Dennis Moore in this bit…”well, your necklace is worth much more than this bracelet, so you’d better take this…” All we’re missing are the lupins.

    This is the first Spider-Man strip I’ve come across since the last storyline ended (with the Governor candidate guy being hauled off to prison) and I just about laughed out loud! Clearly, Spider-Man villains (eg The Shocker) put a lot more effort into sewing their costumes than in how they actually plan on making a profit from their careers in crime. Birdman, or whatever he’s named himself, has taken things a step further by showing up at soirees with a fancy briefcase rather than the usual sack with a big dollar sign on it. The beak and the two-toned feathers are nice touches, too! I also like how the only thing being put in the purse “that’s worth money”, is in fact…money.

  69. Mibbitmaker
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Aw, hell, the word “vulture” (minus the “the”) doesn’t even anagram. How can that possibly be sinister or menacing?

  70. Mibbitmaker
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    #68: Dennis Moore-Menacing-Than-Birdboy:

    The Vul-ture
    The Vul-ture
    Stupid bitch!

  71. Mooncattie
    May 10th, 2008 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Speaking of sewing costumes, I think Gunther would make a fine Spider-Man villain. He’s got more than enough brains behind that nerdy visage to keep Peter Parker at bay for a month or so, providing we have that critical first week of him posing in his scary outfit in front of a mirror saying things like “Look out, world…here comes The Nerdifyer!”

    Failing that, I propose renaming Luann to Gunther, as I’m sure his unseen family and at-home adventures are a lot more interesting than anything the De Groot household can come up with. At the very least, it’ll spare us the Brad/Toni storylines from the world’s quietest fire department.

  72. Halifaxer
    May 10th, 2008 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Did everyone else know this, or am I just late for dinner again?

    Beetle Bailey and Lois are brother and sister.

    So Sarge and Hi are brothers-in-law?

  73. K. Ivan Ruppert
    May 10th, 2008 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    The original Vulture is an elderly man and manages to be more intimidating than this guy.

  74. Paul1963
    May 10th, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    I just wanted to say that I clicked on the ad for The Family Circus of Values, and I recommend all my fellow ‘mudges check it out. It is hysterical.

    That is all.

  75. fishmorgjp
    May 10th, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Yes, the original Ditko Vulture was a creepy old bald guy — setting up the “youth & virtue” versus “old age & evil” opposition. Some younger guy with an added green headpiece became the Vulture, only to wander around the S-M strip like everyone else.

  76. Gordo's Cat
    May 10th, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    For cryin’ out loud, Gaylord Buzzard (from Broom-Hilda, a comic strip that’s currently so bland that nobody even bothers to snark on it) is more menacing than Spider-Man’s feather-suiter!

    And why is Dick Tracy still carrying that sword around? In the first panel of today’s strip, it looks like he’s just committed hari-kiri with it! The sword’s hilt is suggestively phallic as well. I think I’ll stop there…

  77. bats :[
    May 10th, 2008 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    74. Paul1963: FCoV is pretty darned funny…lots of profanity, true, but several of its entries read a lot like True Fable’s LJ rants.

    76. And it’s just nice to have a person with a nom de blog that pays tribute to Gus Arriola and the esteemed orange Poosy Gato.

  78. Buck Ripsnort
    May 10th, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    #75–Fishmorgjp, I was actually giving Vulture credit for a costume that FINALLY disguises his identity– something you’d probably want if you were incompetently commiting crimes– and didn’t notice he was a younger guy. Everything in this parallel-universe Spidey sucks webs.

  79. Daijinryuu
    May 11th, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Crock almost has to be funny at least once in a while. Monkeys with typewriters, and so on. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how it’s actually written.

  80. jakester
    May 11th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    I strongly encourage the powers to put “How did you get lucky and snare maggot?” on a t-shirt or a coffee mug or somesuch.

  81. Diamond Joe
    May 11th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Funny, it’s usually when I don’t get lucky that I have to “snare maggot.”

  82. Gojira (formerly Godzooky)
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    #78 Buck Ripsnort: But Vulture’s face, castration, and incompetence are still visible and his escape and real name were all over the news. What’s left to disguise?

  83. Gojira (formerly Godzooky)
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: If Charles Lavoie’s all-purpose New Yorker cartoon caption doesn’t apply here, I don’t know what does.

  84. Diamond Joe
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    A3-G: It’s much more entertaining if you assume they’re only showing Lu Ann from the neck up because the brain damage made her forget to put any clothes on today.

    BH: *urrnt!* I’m sorry, you’ve exceeded your allotment of one “virtual” gag per Sunday.

    BF: I almost wish I had this in a newspaper so I could see if the artist tried to make any of the strips besides FC identifiable. The strange thing, though, is that although the strips are in color, it’s clearly a daily comics page.

    J. Arthur Crankshaft: Okay, so we have a disposable side panel, a separate title panel, and a couple of disposable panels. If this were a product, Consumer Reports would give it a “Golden Cocoon” Award for over-packaging.

    Crock: So why the lever? Did the creators think we’ve never seen a water cooler before, and wouldn’t recognize a button on top of the spigot?

    DtM: “And she knows how much it turns me on to have her tuck me in, dressed as Little Orphan Annie.” Thank goodness the strip ended before Dennis could tell us how much of a player he is. Or how hard.

    The BM of Edison Lee: “No, no, I meant the fact that this joke is ripped off from Chaplin’s Modern Times.”

    FC: This was slightly funny. In the high sub-laugh range.

    FW: The “Mom’s Day” joke would have worked better if he hadn’t drawn a pizza that clearly would have had room for “Day” below, and “Mother’s” across the middle.

    HtH: Did they suddenly switch inkers between the second-to-last and last panels?

    H&L: When you hear a vague, omnipresent grumbling sound tomorrow morning, that’ll be tens of millions of women simultaneously saying, “And these are incompatible with motherhood how, exactly?”

    Marvin: When he gets a little older, he’s going to key “Mom” across the hood of her car, and see if that works.

    MW: Uh-oh. Look at Mrs. Amalfi in the last panel. I’m thinking this whole “turn for the worse” thing is a fake-out engineered by Mary. Looks like we all underestimated the depths of her meddling this time.

    PMP: The mother, on the other hand, is clearly thinking, “Take me! For pity’s sake!”

    Popeye: Say, have you heard that politicians lie?

    RM: And lawyers make him angry! Now Rex smash!

    SlyF: $3.25 a gallon for full service? Can I live in the forest, too?

    Probably more later, when GoComics puts the Sundays up.

  85. bats :[
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Sunday, Sunday!

    Bizarro: is a hoot!

    FC: don’t worry about it, Billy. Gramma Keane is so old that she confuses “carbon copy” and “carbon-14 dating” all the time.
    (And of course, this being Mother’s Day, let’s have Mommy slaving away in the kitchen, probably preparing dinner in her own honor!)

    FW: yay! Dead mommies at least get a day off from cooking!

    JP: all right, Gloria! (Maybe she’s a closet ‘Mudge! We can only hope!)
    (“You will do as I say, or we will all die now!” Okee dokey, Samira. Four people vs. a whole buncha police and fire personnel…you know, your little terrorist buddies really need to rethink that non-education of girls. “Four” is a lot less than “many.”)

    MT: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!
    (Bat mama are good mamas, too…just for the record.)

    MW: speaking of bats, it looks like Donna is going to die alone. At least Mary is nowhere in sight…

    Mutts: awwwwwwww!

    RMMD: oooh, snap those lawyers, Rex! (Or, considering his fetching new color in Panel 2, “REX SMASH!”)

    OTH: this isn’t on my regular read list, but the squirrel in leg warmers is fine.

    GF: and thanks to Gary Larson, we all know how difficult Dog English is.

    Brewster Rockit: while the rest of the Sunday comics are pretty lean on the Mother’s Day theme (considering many of them are nuclear family-based), Brewster delivers!
    (How sweet!)

    FOOB: now…just imagine….that final panel….without the bubbles…

    And a Happy Mother’s Day to all!

  86. Mrs. Buck Tuddrussell
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Crock: I don’t get it. Does she mean she smeared onion dip on her six-pack, as in her abs? It doesn’t make any sense otherwise. Surely the adhesive qualities of onion dip aren’t enough to allow it to stick to the outside of a beer can.

    Garfield: I don’t get it. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Maybe he’s supposed to be going overboard in panel 2, therefore undermining his own advice. Maybe everyone involved in the Garfield strip-writing committee is smoking the indeterminate drug Alan has is in his baggie.

    #42 Disloyal: I like Sheldon, but you’re right, some days it just stinks. I’m feeling the same way about Get Fuzzy lately, too.

    #66 Peter: He’s making some of the slang up. I actually Googled a phrase earlier this week and got no hits.

    Okay, I think I’ve been nerdy enough for one evening.

  87. Raznor
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    I like how panel 2 of Spiderman is just Vulture rewording what he said in panel 1. He was planning on saying, “Should you have any items on your person that other people might willingly pay money to possess, hold it in your hand over my bag and let go. The force of gravity will do the rest,” but instead he got tackled by a cop.

  88. Sarah
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    I am enjoying Samira’s many dramatic hand gestures!

  89. Poteet
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    # 85 bats — But at least Donna will die with a really creepy smile on her face. I’m afraid to go to sleep now.

  90. Bobdog
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    DtM: The reason this installment is menacing is because the reason Dennis’ Dad was calling on him to stop shooting out the windows of the car of the leader of a rival gang. And the most menacing aspect of this vandalism is that Dennis is such a sociopath that he can’t see this as any different from the times his mother gets irate with him out of impatience.

  91. bats :[
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    I shouldn’t have had that nap this afternoon…now I can’t sleep, and I shouldn’t be Photoshopping, either!

    The Rex Morgan medical mystique:

    The Rex Morgan medical mistake:

  92. Anonymous
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Okay, just how did Curtis manage to cram Gunk into that teeny little box, hmmmm?

    MW: Awww…. a Mother’s Day respirator smile. Didn’t see this one coming. Snnf.

    Funky: The creepy thing is that they’ve gone and spelled out “Happy Mom’s Day on the pizza with
    brown M & M’s.

  93. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    Curses! #92 c’est moi!

  94. Bobdog
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    Apparently in the Plugger-verse, court ordered injunctions are enforced by putting one of the parties involved on an actual leash that is tethered to some court appointed custodian who is legally allowed to be a total dick to the individual in question. One has to ponder what sort of injunctive relief was being sought that put this diminutive Plugger into such a position — perhaps this is some sort of bizzarro legal system wherein if you are stalking someone, the remedy is to actually physically tie to you to your victim. In addition, you go must go naked walk on all fours like an animal. Oh, the humanity!

  95. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:44 am [Reply]

    #91 bats :[
    Hahahhaha! You have a way of getting into Rex’s little pea brain…

    Gotta love this little cat, if for no other reason than forgoing the “I’ll be back” line before unleashing mayhem.

  96. Diamond Joe
    May 11th, 2008 at 4:25 am [Reply]

    And now, the thrilling conclusion of Sunday’s Snark!

    AS: Not to impugn Hilburn’s artistic ability or anything (cough), but doesn’t the hand-megaphone thing work better if the hand is in forward of your mouth, rather than behind it? And that’s not even addressing that he can turn his head about 110 degrees to the side.

    B.C.: Wait, was “foooosh” the sound of her blowing the snake up like a balloon? Wouldn’t this have been an excellent time for the snake to bite her? (Or perhaps she blew him up by the other end, which I don’t really want to think about.)

    BR: On bats :[‘s recommendation, I read this. It’s the first Brewster Rockit I’ve ever laughed at. Thanks, bats :[!

    Heathcliff: These Kitty Corner segments are really scraping bottom lately. “You won’t believe this! When my dog makes noise at my cat, my cat makes noise right back! Isn’t that wild?”

    OBH: “And I’d rather be a sparrow than a snail. Yes, I would. If I could, I surely would.”

    OC: Hey, a variation on the “politicians are evil” joke in which that is not, in itself, the punchline. It’s still not funny, but it’s something.

    Pluggers: For just a moment there, my image of pluggers was shattered. Then I realized it’s a used car lot, and the truck is only “new” to him, and the world fell back into order.

    PC: I hadn’t read this strip in a while before picking it up to snark. Did it change at some point? Because I remember hating it with a passion, and now it’s, well, pretty good. Well, apart from the girl’s horrible, tiny, pursed lips, but that’s nothing new.

    Shoe: The street backgrounds kind of surprise me. I thought the point of Treetops as a place was that everything was in trees.

    Also amused me: Lio

  97. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    May 11th, 2008 at 5:09 am [Reply]

    #58 Citric:

    You know Popeye has a big phallic bird in panel 2, right? Complete with some gigantic balls? I’m not the only one who has noticed this, right?

    Whoa! Now that’s some
    sinister vulture action!
    And yeah, them’s some gigantic balls. Disturbing. Spider-Man’s “The Vulture”, are you taking notes?

  98. Mr. O'Malley
    May 11th, 2008 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    30, 61. I don’t see how blogs have any relationship to journals at all. Blogs are written for other people to read. Journals are generally written for the writer.

    I have kept a journal for some periods of my life, and my main motivation was that I looked back at earlier periods of my life and thought—”that whole period of my life went by, and what in the world was I doing, because I can’t remember much that I really accomplished. I’d better start writing things down now so I’ll know later what I did”.

    I certainly did not have any intention that other people would read my journal. In fact, during some periods I wrote my journal in Norse runes—not because I thought this would be an effective encryption device, just for practice.

    I don’t keep a journal now for several reasons:
    –I realized what I do with my time. I take care of necessary business, or I do things that broaden my horizons
    (May 10, 2008: contributed my valuable thoughts to CC)
    –Since digital photography became affordable, I can just look back to my old photos
    –Since I am now married, I don’t need to document my girlfriends for later reference

    I can still see the value of keeping a journal if I went on an interesting trip somewhere, because it would help in organizing my photos–was it Thursday the 10th we were at Avranche? (If it was a really interesting trip, nowadays I could conceivably take at least 3 cameras.)

    There was a period in my life when I was very interested in Carl Jung, and I kept a journal of my dreams. I think this was a worthwhile experiment, although eventually I decided I had reached a point of diminishing returns.

    In none of these cases would it really make any sense to do my journal as a blog. Who, even my closest relatives, would have any interest in reading it?

    As an example, I reproduce a day from a randomly selected journal:

    Oct. 14. Rode to work. Lunch from Togo’s. Went to sign off Laura Neff’s spec. Did laundry.

    This tells me:
    –It was at a period when I was a bicycle commuter.
    –Laura Neff must have been someone I worked with, but I have no recollection of her at all.
    –Togo’s is a local sandwich chain that I still eat at.
    –At this point in my life I had to go to a laundromat to do my laundry, so it was a relatively big thing.

    I’m a little surprised I don’t mention what book I took with me to the laundromat, or what I had for dinner. But these facts might be ascertained by examining the earlier and later entries. (In terms of dinner, being a bachelor, one cooking event provided usually 3 meals in those days.)

    To me this is mildly interesting, but I really can’t conceive how anyone else could have any interest at all in these events.

    In 100 years from now, some sociologist might enter my banal facts into a database and do a study—”Frequency of utilization of takeout lunch providers among Silicon Valley engineers, late 20th century”.

  99. gleeb
    May 11th, 2008 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    9CL: So in, like, 4 days, she’s driven all the way to Vermont, cried on her Mommy, driven all the way back to New York, kicked Amos in the balls, then driven all the way back to Vermont to engage in tepid political dialog. What’s this girl’s carbon footprint like?

    Fuzzy: Is this a backhanded response to those who find McSlang the cat as unintelligable as he is unamusing?

    ‘bean: Once again we see the mawkishly sentimental side of Creepy Les, and reaffirm the centrality of Montoni’s in these people’s lives. Remember, no character is allowed to go a day without eating Montoni’s pizza. Violators will be shot.

    Mary: And the Amalfi brothers decide to abandon their ailing mother – together!

    May 11th, 2008 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    FOOB: To the surprise of no one, what does Ellie do first thing when she gets back from the supermarket? She bakes a pie.

    Priorities first, as my mother never used to say.

    CURTIS: I like this strip very much, but today’s Mother’s Day strip contains a few inconsistencies, it seems to me. 1. Why would good little brother Barry go along with his brother, as co-giver of the mysterious gift Curtis presents to his mother, whatever the hell it is? He’s a sharp little kid. He’d want to know what the little box contains, because he knows his brother is daft. 2. In the last panel, he’s in the barber chair. Where I come from, a so-called urban environment, barber shops are closed in Sunday’s.

  101. Tracer Bullet
    May 11th, 2008 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    #8 Bill Wright: The image of a little rubber mouse hanging out of Garfield’s ass will haunt my dreamscape for years. Kudos.

  102. Jobiska
    May 11th, 2008 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    #15 Zipper Patrol:

    So today I finally realized why all the Spider-man plots are so incredibly stupid: the author thinks all his readers are morons. Notice how he uses the word “valuables” in panel one, and then defines it in panel two, having apparently realized that it has three syllables, and is thus WAY beyond the grasp of the unwashed masses

    Oh, I just figured it was because the first couple of people dropped things that are intangibly valuable in, like their baby or their most beloved book or something, and thus he felt he had to qualify.

  103. Disloyal Fan
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Too many funny things said here to remember them all – need to keep a journal to track my thoughts:

    Sun 5/11/08: Put off early call to Mom in order to read fave Comics Curmudeon blog. Laughed aloud at Lio. Found Funky & Curtis barely snark-worthy. Got around to Mom call about 2pm but spent rest of day sniggering at remembered CC entries. e.g., “MacSlang! HAH! New name so much funner than the now-just-annoying character.”

    Future archeologists will definitely wonder.

    Evil Photoshopper, you rock!

  104. TheDiva
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Happy Mother’s Day, all you hard-working matriarchs!

    FOOB: Elly’s and/or Lynn’s self-martyrdom continues.

    Frazz: Someone please, PLEASE tell me what I’m seeing in the last panel on the top row isn’t what I’m seeing….

  105. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    And what about Warner Brothers’ Beaky Buzzard? Also more manacing than that one guy.

    # 74 Paul1963 – I did. It is. Thanks!

    Foob – Okay, she’s doing a lot of work. Let’s see where this is going. Laundry, trash, OH MY GOD!! Hey, those can’t be stink lines, can they?! Aren’t they coming from her hoo-hoo?! Must. Purge. Eyes. Where. Is. My. Ice. Pick?!

    MT – Hey, my legs are strong enough for me to stand, but I don’t stand when I sleep. What kind of logic is that? And doesn’t that bat in the last panel have a German Shepherd’s head?

    Last Panel Bat – “I hope you enjoyed today’s comic as much as we enjoyed making it. Goodnight, folks”

    MW – Isn’t it about time for that PBS ice cream truck to show up? “Duuh, duuh, da-duuh…”

    9CL – I think they were talking, but I wasn’t paying any attention. I’d better go take another look.

    RMMD – Cool! Giant Becka is poking Rex in his naughty bits.

    Rex is green, then he’s lavender, then he’s blue. He’s that Karma Chameleon everybody’s talking about. Wait, this is 1984, right?

  106. Mibbitmaker
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    So what do the comics do for Mothers’ Day?

    Blondie: SHE: Pain in the ass. HE: Ineffectual, impotent fool.
    NS: SHE: Pain in the ass. HE: Ineffectual, impotent fool.
    Fred Basset: SHE: Pain in the ass. THEY: Sexist fools.
    BBlues: SHE: Pain in the ass. HE: Male stereotype, but ineffectually consciencious about it.
    Adam: SHE: Pain in the ass. HE: Pointless idiot.
    S-M: HE: Ineffectual, sick fool.
    HtH: Cheap mother-in-law joke.
    Zits: Mother: Pain in the ass.
    H&L: Mother: Given up all her dreams.
    FC: Mother’s son: Moron.
    Drabble: Mother: Pain in the neck — literally!
    FW: Mother: Dead.
    MW (sight unseen): Dying and/or dead.
    FOOB: Mother: Overworked, then “lazy”.
    Cranky: Mother: Given up her dreams/given up her life/ieffectual fool/pain in the ass.

    You’re welcome, moms!

  107. Mibbitmaker
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    #106 (me): “ieffectual”???

    Ineffectual Mibbit!

  108. Disloyal Fan
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Hmmm…something tells me Dave Kellett is hiding amongst us. Referring to panel 3 in particular.

  109. Hank
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    RE: Crankshaft. Has anyone ever considered having Batuik tested for clinical depression? Seriously.

    RE: FW. Are they sure they should be looking UP when they toast Lisa? She WAS a lawyer after all.

    RE: Hi and Lois. Kind of a weird mashup of time for our Lois. Looking at the clothes in her flashbacks, she was in High School in the 1970s or 80s, but in college in the early 1960s. And where’s the oldest son on mother’s day? In jail again?

    RE: JP “Tell them you have an arsonist setting fire to your home”? This is one stupid terrorist. I’m thinking that she should be a Spiderman villain with this kind of brain power.

    RE: Marvin. Okay, he’s still got round “Garfied” eyes in the Sunday strip. But he’s also got the ability to write in complete, correctly spelled, sentences. This strip gets creepier and more confusing by the day.

  110. Meander
    May 11th, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    #105 – They were talking? Never noticed after the 2nd panel. Nice shiny highlights on Juliette, though.

    Lio : Kitten of Destruction.

  111. Calico
    May 11th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    #106 – And definitely not a good Mother’s Day in JP.

  112. anonymously
    May 11th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Baking a pie in the midst of other chores does not compute, if it’s a from-scratch pie. Unless everything is prepared ahead of time and just needs to be put together. I am betting she’s using canned filling and a prepared crust, and since gluey canned filling makes a pie taste like a ho-hum store pie, why bother? She must have been watching Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee and added some booze to the filling….

  113. Sarah
    May 11th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Crock: I don’t get it, Josh :(.

  114. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    # 112 – Oh, you can bet it’s from scratch. After all, Elly is the potato nosed idiot who told us “You can’t call it ‘junk food’ if it’s made from scratch.” She told us this, of course with a mouth full of from-scratch junk food. Ah, memories. Like the corners of my mind. Greasy, mushroom soup colored memories. Of the way she were.

  115. Wanders
    May 11th, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    MW: When Ron asked Richie to go to the cafeteria for coffee, I thought he was sending him out to get some, not inviting him to go with. Boy, is Ron going to be pissed when Donna dies while they’re gone.

  116. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    # 89 (Poteet) – OMG, she really IS smiling! Lordy, that’s creepy! But at least now she can die with a smile on her face without feeling like the good lord gypped her. (Sorry. In my universe everything relates back to The Big Lebowski. And Monty Python. She’s about to be a late mum. Late as in the late Dent Arthur Dent. And, apparently, Douglas Adams. And Warren Zevon, ’cause Her Ride’s Here. Oh, dear, this could go on for awhile. I’ll stop here before the random Apocalypse Now references start creeping in.)

    (I’ll bet Mary loves the smell of meddling in the morning. I’ll bet Ron and Richard’s idea of great R&R is some cold rice and a little rat meat. Oops! Sorry. But I’ll definitely stop brfore the Conrad Janis references start.)

  117. AhClem
    May 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #116 John C Fremont -
    I think she’s pining for the fjords!

  118. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, she’s shuffled off her mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible. Lovely plumage, though.

  119. Eric the Baker, Jungle Patrol Bagels & Pastries Division
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    the plumage has *nothing* to do with it.

  120. Eric the Baker, Jungle Patrol Bagels & Pastries Division
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    err, the plumage don’t enter into it!

  121. Lunarhalo
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Well if the Vulture must go back to prison at least he’s already dressed to play the part of Papageno, in their production of “The Magic Flute” If you know what I mean.

  122. UncleJeff
    May 11th, 2008 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    How about Buzz Buzzard of the Woody Woodpecker cartoons?
    There was a buzzard who could rock a bowler hat.

  123. queek
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    SF: guess future-Hillary plays Julie to Faith’s Melissa. Cute strip regardless.

    PV: if the Val/Aleta reunion was planned for Mother’s Day, then this strip is planned out waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in advance.

    PBS: this perhaps the classic example of the characters Pig and Rat.

    NS: here we have Micheal Patterfoob, as done by Wiley.

  124. Anonymous
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: wait? what? Rex Morgan actually has patients and practices medicine?

    Plus — I missed CC while I was away at a conference in a hotel with particularly lousy internets access … why the $#@% (*) does the lawyer actually want Andy to make a big deal out of the lawyer basically counseling his clients to break the law? What kind of legal jiu-jitsu does the lawyer have planned? Or does he the same quality of legal advice as Lionel Hutz?

    * yes … I must confess to using generic cuss words when I am angry … like “ah explative!”. Although I would have imaged “bad word” being used as a curse-word in H&J more than Family Circus. I would have expected that in the Keane Kompound, they aren’t even allowed to acknowledge the existance of salty language.

  125. Dr. Weird
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get the Vulture’s headgear… Vultures are BALD. It worked with the old guy, Abe Toomes. Wearing something like that makes you look like an owl (see Nite-Owl from Watchmen), not a Vulture!

    Hello, theme? I’m reminded of the time when FIVE people stole the Vulture’s flying gear tech from him in prison and set out on a life of crime as the Vulturions. They used blowguns to aid in their crimes. Not big native sorts… drinking straw-sized ones.

  126. Bill Wright
    May 11th, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Little do the readers know, the bubbles in the last panel of today’s FOOB are not soap bubbles, they are from the “mother’s helper” that Elly is using underneath. She’s apparently earned the right to be lazy in more ways than one!

  127. Bill Wright
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    The creepy shot of Mrs. Amalfi in the last panel…I can’t shake the image of Norman Bates’ mother from my mind…do the Amalfi brothers own a motel?

  128. Solocardate
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Annie is just plain goofy meta-goodness; the more I look at the back run of this strip’s new incarnation, the more I like it (heh…an old-time adventure comics artist named “Thurman Drang”). They even managed to incorporate the kidlit classic “Make Way For Ducklings” into the strip last fall, and it didn’t suck! Jay Maeder & Ted Slampyak are simply having far too much fun–as more than one Mudge has pointed out, Annie and Brenda Starr are lovely examples of how to de-zombify legacy strips (“I can’t believe that thing is still around! Why, I used to read it when I was a kid…”).

    Ooh, and there’s a whole archive of Slampyak’s Jazz Age to distract me from getting real work done…

    No. Not now. Must get back to scoring the SAT essays… (god, how I love working from home…).

  129. commodorejohn
    May 11th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Brooke manages to succinctly summarize my feelings on the entire 2008 presidential race.

    A3G – Um, actually, Alan, you appear to have put the dope all over the walls of your apartment. I know you’re a bit addled at the moment, but it shouldn’t be that hard to find.


    Crankshaft – See? This is what I’ve been complaining about. Batiuk honestly couldn’t give a shit about the appropriacy of senior care, he’s just doing this to torment his characters, and throws in the “Mothers’ Day” bit to twist the knife further. Fuck you, Tom, you horrible bastard.

    Curtis – Moral of the story? Don’t buy your mom a gift from one of those wandering wizard’s shops. I can’t wait until whatever demon is inside turns Barry into a tapir, traps Curtis in the TV, and kills his parents.

    FC – “By which I of course mean that you’re a somewhat acceptable but distinctly inferior facsimile of him, doomed to live out his life all over again in a slightly degraded imitation. Like they do in Milborough.”

    FOOB – “Today I earned the right to bitch and moan about how hard my cushy suburban life is!”

    H&L – Beat poet Lois is awesomest thing I’ve ever seen in this strip.

    JP – Hmm, is Natasha Samira going to throw a prima-donna fit because she can’t get the audience she wants for her suicide-bombing? Will No-Legs and Gloria overpower the queening terrorist? (I thought that kind of non-excitement was reserved for Spider-Man.) Personally, I’m hoping Mama Bates there gets ahold of her shotgun and blows the villainess away, rips off the gag in one quick motion, and utters a badass one-liner.

    MT – The latest installment in my ongoing list, Panels I Will One Day Use For Album Covers? Panel one here. Imagine that picture blown up to twelve inches by twelve inches and just try and tell me that wouldn’t be awesome. Now I just gotta come up with some music for it…

    MW – Aw, she’s smiling. I guess the painkillers just kicked in.

    OBH – Holy artsy antepeniltimate panel, Batman! That’s pretty sweet.

    Pluggers – When buying a new truck, Pluggers make sure the bed is roomy enough to move bodies in.

    RMMD – Yeah, fight MRSA later! I mean, it’s not like people are dying or anything!

    SF – Aw, now that’s a cute strip.

  130. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    A search of the TV series “Dennis the Menace” on IMDB led me to click on Herbert Anderson, which led me to click on “The Governor and JJ,” which led me to click on its titular star Julie Sommars, who was born in Fremont, Nebraska! I wonder if she ever comes back to visit? I wonder if I’ve met her and never knew it?

    And to think, all of that was because on the Washington Post site, it looked like Dennis said his mom “cocks” and cleans. And I’ll bet she does, too.

  131. Mrs. Buck Tuddrussell
    May 11th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #112 anonymously – People who make pies from scratch can do it pretty darn quickly. You’d be surprised.

    MW: I can’t believe they’re celebrating Mother’s Day by showing a dying mother smiling while in a coma. Has Batiuk taken over Mary Worth, too?

  132. MC Kay
    May 11th, 2008 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Mother’s Day Luann – First panel, second row. Luann’s mother – (Nancy? Gods, can’t believe I know that!) looking a bit vague, tapping her fingers waiting for it to be over while there are undefined buzzing noises coming from under her blanket! I suppose it’s the only part of the day when she’ll get some time for mechanically-aided self-indulgence, but it’s kind of sad that it just leaves her bored… What a marriage that must be! At least she’s taken her glasses off, so there is a spark of romance left in her soul, perhaps.

  133. Little Guy
    May 11th, 2008 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    85: JP: bats:[ pretty much summed up what I wanted to say, but I’m betting that Samaria has an ace up her burka that Granny’s been booby-trapped, and we’ll be spending the next week with No-Legs whether to cut the blue wire or the red wire.

    Sadly, not the booby-trapped which Juggs Parker fans would anticipate.

    Lio: Terrorkitty rocks. That is all.

    S-M: Vulture is pretty lucky he didn’t get a plainsclothesman who can hang on *and* punch out his lights. Speaking of which….

    Valiant: Aleta with Ye Olde Fiste of Justicee.

    Brewster Rockit: If that is suppose to be Spock and his mom, the writer should please hand in his cred card post haste. Spock’s mom (and stepmom) were both human.

    Classic Peanuts: No sex. No drugs. No wine. No women. No fun. No sin. Closed course. Professional driver. Do not attempt.

    Lastly, I just want to put a generic plug for “Tina’s Groove”. Between her large limpet eyes, her semi-smirk, and microscopic cleavage, I’m besmirched.

  134. commodorejohn
    May 11th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    #132 MC Kay – That’s a bit of a yikes (I’m not sure whether to be more or less unsettled by the fact that it’s apparently remote-controlled,) but what really threw me for a loop was that, while looking for a place to read the Sunday Luann, I stumbled across today’s Shoe.


    Okay, the gag is predictably lame (as well as having been beaten to the punch and done better by Apple Computer, for crying out loud,) but…the characters in Shoe, despite being drawn as birds and living in trees, normally give absolutely no indication that they’re anything more than drawn as such. Even today’s joke has nothing bird-centric, except that they’re flying! What the HELL?

  135. Diamond Joe
    May 11th, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    I could have sworn I’ve seen them flying before, but I can’t find any examples in the two collections I have. Maybe I’m just thinking of Loon.

  136. queek
    May 11th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    123: Faye, drat it. Don’t know why I keep slipping on her name. Sorry, Ces.

  137. astroboy
    May 11th, 2008 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Sunday FOOBs – So smElly relaxes after a hard day of Foobery by FARTING IN THE BATHTUB!?! Complete with cascades of bubbles and stink lines radiating from underwater!?!

    Wow. Today is the first time I’ve liked smElly in…well, ever.

  138. bats :[
    May 11th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    133. Little Guy: thank you, thank you.

  139. Jnoble
    May 11th, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Spider Man: Wow, I guess the Philadelpia Eagles mascot has fallen under hard times.

    Hi And Lois: You dense clod, she’s talking in sexual metaphor. By “clean”, she means **** and by ‘attic’ she means her ******
    Do I have to explain EVERYTHING around here?

  140. Poteet
    May 11th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    GA — So Walt sailed to a deserted island in a rowboat. Dear God, this strip consistently out-stupids stupid.

  141. Whippersnapper
    May 11th, 2008 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I kind of liked last week’s strips. I really like Harry’s passion for music, and the fact that he loved being a high school band director so much. Oh God. I feel so dirty. I’m going to go exfoliate now.

  142. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    No new thread yet? Then I shall invoke my nearly effective thread-ending skills. (clears throat)

    Arise storms! North winds blow! South winds blow! Typhoons! Hurricanes! Earthquakes! Smo-o-og!! Flash, lightning! Strike the wabbit!! Er, thread. Strike the, uh, thread.

    Oh, the heck with it. Here’s a poinsettia!

  143. Scherzo
    May 11th, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    (Scherzo picks up the collander that resembles a Viking helmet, plops it on head, and continues…>



    Poor little bunny.
    I’ve killed the wabbit.

    (musical interlude as Scherzo mounts endless stairs)

    You were expecting a new thread?

  144. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Well, Scherzo, as Old Lodge Skins once said, “Sometimes the magic works, and sometimes it doesn’t.”

  145. John C Fremont
    May 11th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Or to put it another way, “Sometimes you eat the bahr, and – oh, much abliged – and sometimes the bahr, well, he eats you.”

    Catch you all later on down the trail.

  146. Dick Tracy Broke into My Oddball Sanctuary
    May 12th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    “How did you get lucky and snare Maggot?” is a sentence that I had to read at least 6 times before I figured out what was being asked.

    Actually, even now, I’m not so sure.

  147. Spike
    May 12th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    138 bats :[ : “Special guest appearance” by Snuffles from PBS? LOL :-D

  148. Josh Renaud
    May 12th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    I think “birdman” looks like “Cousin Mary Owl” from the neighborhood of make-believe on Mr. Rogers…

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