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It would actually explain a lot if Crankshaft were just drunk constantly

Hi and Lois, 11/22/12

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! What are you thankful for? Are you thankful that your Thanksgiving dinner isn’t some awful liberal nightmare where the lady womyn of the house forces you to sully this most American of holidays by speaking non-American languages? Such heresy! (Also, we would suggest that if we’re going down this road maybe adding Wampanoag to the list might be appropriate, but, sure, Japanese and French, whatever.)

Crankshaft, 11/22/12

Or maybe you’re thankful for the antics of your elderly relatives, who are muttering inappropriate prayers to open the holiday meal. Worried that they’re slipping into dementia? Ha ha, no, they just had to get drunk, in order to deal with all of you!

Mary Worth, 11/22/12

Personally, I’m thankful that Mary Worth hasn’t taken time off from its edge-of-your-seat plot just to bring us boring Thanksgiving messages. After all, we wouldn’t want to miss even a single day of Mary’s horribly misguided passive-aggressive meddling, would we? “Gee, Dawn, I’m sorry to hear that you don’t want to ‘help’ Jim with his sexual urges! The boy has already lost his sister and his arm, so your rejection of his advances is just one more horrible wound to his fragile psyche that he’ll just have to learn to deal with, somehow!”

Apartment 3-G, 11/22/12

While others may chose to measure Greg by the pound, Greg thinks of his own worth in terms of inches. Interpret this as you will! (I’ll be interpreting it as being about his penis.)

154 responses to “It would actually explain a lot if Crankshaft were just drunk constantly”

  1. wossname
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Of course I have a connection with Skyler Roan! My publicist, who I’m screwing, used to represent her, until my publicist’s publicist-minion, who she (the publicist) was also screwing, lured Skyler away to his (the publicist-minion’s) aunt’s agency. Ryan? Ryan? You still there?”

    Bizarro – Thanks for sparing us panel two, in which the turkeys go into a blood frenzy and start tearing apart the pilgrim/hunter guy with their beaks.

    Sly – Six differences: In the first panel, the big game hunter is being rescued from the hungry alligator. In the second, he’s being lowered into its mouth.

  2. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    So Greg will start getting all control-freaky and incest-y with Skyler. That might make A3G interesting.

    Well, “interesting” as in Mary Worthless.

  3. Écureuil Écumant
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Dawn, you’re right. You don’t have to help him … like that. He needs to find someone else beside you to teach him how to masturbate with his other hand.

  4. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    interesting mix of Thanksgiving messages. Applaz to DT, golf-claps to JUMBLE, gigglez @ SBp, *cries* @ Retail, frownz @ Frazz. Two-fingers to the vegan propagandists.

    CdS: yay 4 giant vacuum trucks. they rock.

    Doons: *Anvil Chorus*

    PBS: I was expecting the crocs, tbh.

    MG&G: /fail. Chinese, not Japanese.

    PMP: win. just win.

    Pluggers. have sex.

  5. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . Big Balls.

  6. Mumblix Grumph
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Good Lord…look at the glow of joy that Mary is giving off while she sits there imagining all the pain Jim has gone through…and the prospect of even more!

  7. Écureuil Écumant
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Dingo, wherever ye be, I half-raise a turkey leg on semi-high to you.

  8. Écureuil Écumant
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    FC: Yes, Jeffy, the Pilgrims did indeed play football with their kids. You see, since there were no footballs in the New World, they had to make do with what was available.

  9. Droopy Says
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#5): AC/DC? How about something closer to Benjamin Franklin and his kite?

  10. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    ? ? …Dumb ways to day, so many dumb ways to die.? ?

    Whoopsie! Did I just type that out loud? Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

    // ? ?

  11. Liam
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    A3G-We know what inches Greg’s talking about. And big is your gentleman, Greg?

    Crankshaft-Let’s hope it’s the sleep he doesn’t wake from.

    FW-Not yet but during the next time skip he will.

    MT-If Mark wins that means he will have to go back to the Lost Forest where Rusty will ask him to take him fishing and Cherry wanting him to take care of her womanly needs. Sounds to me like Mark would be losing then.

    MW-Looks like Mary is planning on making Jim accept Dawn’s decision.

    MW 2-This can only end with an intervention being held for Jim and then Jim driving off the Aldo Kelrast Memorial Highway.

  12. Canton
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    H&L: It seems that Wampanoag would take far more research than I’d expect from any newspaper comic, save for maybe Doonesbury. Ojibwe (or something else that people still speak) is probably easier to Google. Migwetch!

  13. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, in Mutts. d’awwwwww! *mistyeyes*

    meanwhile, in Greater Metropolitan Roopville.

    corgsqui haz a frolic. (frolic is such a wonderful word. just sayin’.)

    a little something for Poteet.

    The Daily Puppy is a Pyr/Newf mix. good grief, that’s going to be a h00j dog. . . .

    Best if you must look ever!

    corgi model.

  14. Alice
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Luann: Well, so far, Oz’s lyrics are better than Yank’s. If only because they’re merely trite rather than “oh God the mental pain make it stop… wait, there’s music and visuals too? *kills self*”

  15. Lynn
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    HtH: Who knew Mrs. Hagar was one of the Maguire Sisters! (I am thankful I have lived long enough to recognize this melody in a non-ironic way. Or did Lady Gaga do a cover recently?)
    Mutts: Real buzzkill as I fish around inside the semi-frozen carcass of my Thanksgiving turkey for those all-important giblets. (I am thankful that there were extra giblets in my turkey! I am thankful for my mother’s wonderful stuffing recipe.)
    Happy non-ironic T-day to all of you and thanks for you and all your smart-alecky remarks that brighten my day.

  16. Little Blue Bicycle
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth with new captions
    Panel 1:
    Mary: “Here, I’ll pretend to be Jim and reach out to you with my one arm.”
    Dawn: “Oh no, not old lady sex again.”
    Panel 2:
    Mary: “I told you, sweetheart, the advice isn’t free.”

  17. Black Drazon
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    H&L: Meanwhile, petty cruelty in the minor details, where Trixie can be seen trying to express her thanks, but is unable! Don’t worry, dearie, as soon as they’ve fed you pureed Gerber Thanksgiving Mixes you’re not even going to be thankful!

  18. bbofun
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    ASM- “Why’d he even bother to catch that purse-snatcher? He must have done it for selfish reasons, like to impress his girlfriend! Not like me! I was going to catch him for fame and public acclaim, to let everyone no SPIDER-MAN is in town! I wonder what channels they get on the hotel TV?”

    JP- It’s been ONE DAY since Avery and Sam first met. ONE DAY since they MAILED the contracts out. At the lodge, there is NO communication available to the outside world.

    “What about Judge Parker’s movie deal? When do we start?”
    “We already have.”


    (On the other hand- PEACHES! YES!)

    RMMD- What’s up with panel 2? Did anyone actually think that putting the folder down on the table needed a close-up? Was it an attempt to cater to the leg-men out there? Hey- WE WANT BOOBIES, get it?

    And, in conclusion, let me thank FUNKY WINKERBEAN for reminding me that I have at least one thing to be thankful for- that I am not a character in FUNKY WINKERBEAN.

    Eat too much, folks! (And give a little something to those in need.)

  19. TheDiva
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! I’m thankful for the laughter you bring me every day!

    A3G: Oh no, Greg the maybe-a-nice-guy-after-all is going to be working with Skyler the client-Evan-the-not-so-nice-guy poached from Margo! Wackiness will ensue! Still, above-the-waist wackiness!

    C’shaft: With the tryptophan, this might actually be appropriate. (Crankshaft making sense? Maybe the Mayans were right…)

    MW: Mary’s going to passive-agressive meddle Dawn into this relationship even if it kills them both!

  20. Liam
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MW-Yes, Jim’s losing of an arm and a sibling those are easy for him to accept but to be rejected by Dawn Weston no man can accept that.

    JP-Ah to be a a Hollywood producer and to easily drop everything for a fishing cabin.

  21. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]


    “Well, you could always give Veronica a STD. Just like the one you gave me!”

    STD: The gift that keeps on giving!

  22. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    we would suggest that if we’re going down this road maybe adding Wampanoag to the list might be appropriate


    JP: Ahh, there we are. He’s going to make mad bank out of producing a hit movie, yo. As long as the rich get richer, all is well in Juggs ParkerLand.

    Happy Thanksgiving and/or a Terrific Thursday to you all!

  23. Hibbleton
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn, listening to Mary, does something surprisingly human. She falls asleep.

  24. TheDiva
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    9CL: Okay, if Pap can get Thorax to shut up he’s okay by me.

    FW: This Thanksgiving, Batiuk is thankful that death and decay are inevitable and he will never run out of material.

    Lio: Eh, beats corn casserole.

    Luann: So, Evans saw Ewan McGregor singing “Your Song” in Moulin Rouge, and thought “I bet I can remove all the charm and romance from this scene!”

    MT: “Well, then it’s time for the buttsex.”

    Phantom: It’s BACOOOOON|

  25. Dartpaw86
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    The most American of Holidays? Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving too you know.

  26. Dartpaw86
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#26):
    Though at a different time of year, for entirely different reasons… but it’s still Thanksgiving :D and I was born on Canadian Thanksgiving to note.

  27. Beetle Bumstead
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    A3GRyan: “Come again?”
    Greg: “I just did.”

  28. The Ridger
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, Jim’s had so much to bear. Why don’t you marry him, Dawn? That will make him feel better, and that’s the most important thing, isn’t it?

  29. Downpuppy
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Now that Avery has 2 handshake deals, doesn’t he at least need Sam to draft contracts?

    No matter. Everything’s coming up Peaches.

  30. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @muscle pain (#25): “It’s not got much Spam in it. . . .”

  31. Tom Allen
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Don’t be so free with your affections, Dawn. After all, loose lips sink ships. Oh, sorry … too soon?

  32. ScienceGiant
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    A3G: well, they say the penis mightier then the sword (or dagger, as the case may be. I’m just surprised that crap flew past the censor).

  33. ScienceGiant
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#29): Excuse me, I think you’ve confused this strip with FBoFW…

  34. Greg
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s right. The harsh, direct light on Mary Worth’s face is coming from the slabs of food-pie that have now fused to their hands. DON’T LOOK INTO HER EYES

  35. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    H&L: Based on how prominently the framed check on the wall behind Trixie’s head is displayed in this strip, I’d say that what Walker-Browne Industries Inc. is most thankful for is that they continue to get paid for cranking out this stuff, day after day. I’m sure I would be too, if I were phoning it in from the golf course every morning, but do they have to rub our faces in it like that? “I haven’t actually picked up a drawing pen or even been to the office since 1983, but newspapers all over the country still pay to carry my strips, and not yours. Neener neener neener!!!”

    A3G: Director: “Treat her like your little sister.”
    Greg: “How icky! If we were in Mary Worth, that would mean that I would try to make her my girlfriend! To demonstrate that I’m nothing like that Jim creep, I’ll make it clear that I have two fully functional arms, by swapping the phone from one hand to the other in mid-syllable while I completely transform my face, too.”

  36. pugfuggly
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    H&L Meanwhile, no-one at teh table has even noticed that Tracy has taught herself American Sign Language. Certainly not Hi, who, after 4 wine glasses of black rum, responds to every question with a hearty “HAPPY THANKSGIVING!”

    ‘Dad, can you pass the potat-”

    MW Yes Dawn would do aaaan-y thing for love,
    but she won’t do THAT!
    NOOO-OH! She won’t. do. that.

    (sorry, someone had to do it)

    A3G “I’m not sure if that’s a serious response, Greg, but I should let you know that I’ve switched over to my ‘serious phone’. It’s smaller and lighter in colour that my regular phone, and there’s no fooling around on it, so let’s hear what you have to say now.”

  37. btown
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

  38. Calico
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Hey all, there’s a marching high school band from Ohio on right now!

  39. Calico
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    You stole a friend of mine’s pet panda balloon!
    Happy Thanksgiving all.

  40. pugfuggly
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @btown (#38):

    Naw, I think it’s just a guy who took too many muscle relaxants and decided to comment on random blogs.

  41. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    “Afoyo Matec” is how you say thank you in Wampanoag. I know because I googled it. You can also say “Wuneekeesuq,” which the webs will tell you means “Good day,” but actually means something closer to “get your own goddamn turkey, white man.”

  42. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#39): How many turkeys did they have to sell to get there?

  43. Calico
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#43):
    Ha, I really don’t know! I’ll have to check on that.

  44. Calico
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    (“Thank you” in Huron-Wendat)

  45. Peanut Gallery
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Zippy – Needs more hidebound literalists.

  46. gnome de blog
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    So in other words, instead of another boatload of cash, Sam gets the Peaches. All he has to do is shake the tree.

  47. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Happy Thanksgiving, all! I’m thankful for comics writers who, in an age of snark and irony, continue to churn out unironic, snark-free plots so that we, their most faithful readers, can respond with snark and irony! it’s our own little Comics Curmudgeon Circle of Life!

  48. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#13): And the squee. I’m thankful for the squee.

  49. Digger
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    MW: Do Mary and Dawn draw some sort of personal strength from holding a plate with pie on it? Because they clearly aren’t interested in eating it. Not that I blame them for that, it looks putrid.

  50. Illustrator Steve
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hello, Cherry? Mark here. My kidnapper is letting me call you on his satellite phone to wish you a happy thanksgiving. I have good news, Cherry! My kidnapper just told me I have been invited to compete in a fishing tournament and whether I win or lose I get to swim with the fishes!”

  51. Illustrator Steve
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#48): “Happy Thanksgiving, all!”

    A Happy Thanksgiving greeting from somewhere in the southern part of the state not too far from a near by city!

  52. Bill Murray
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    The Myth of Dawg

    The Thurstons had condemned Dawg to ceaselessly staring at food on the top of a table, whence the Thurston’s would eat of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.

    If one believes Trixie, Dawg was the wisest and most prudent of canines. According to another tradition, however, he was disposed to practice the profession of table food thief. I see no contradiction in this.
    You have already grasped that Dawg is the aburd hero. He is, as much through his passions as through his torture. His scorn of the Thurstons, his hatred of death, and his passion for food won him that unspeakable penalty in which the whole being is exerted toward accomplishing nothing.

    If the drooling is thus sometimes performed in sorrow, it can also take place in joy. This word is not too much. Again I fancy Dawg returning toward the table, and the sorrow was in the beginning. When the images of food cling too tightly to memory, when the call of gravy becomes too insistent, it happens that melancholy rises in Dawg’s heart: this is the Thurston’s victory. The boundless grief is too heavy to bear. Yet at the same time, blind and desperate, Dawg realizes that the only bond linking him to the world is the cool turkey in the hand of a girl. Then a tremendous remark rings out: “Despite so many ordeals, my advanced age and the nobility of my soul make me conclude that all is well.”

    All Dawg’s silent joy is contained therein. His fate belongs to him. The food is his thing. Likewise, the absurd sheepdog, when he contemplates his torment, silences all the idols. If there is a personal fate, there is no higher destiny, or at least there is but one which he concludes is inevitable and despicable. For the rest, he knows himself to be the master of his days. At that subtle moment glancing backward over his life, Dawg returning toward his table, in that silent pivoting he contemplates that series of unrelated actions which becomes his fate, created by him, combined under his memory’s eye and soon sealed by his death. Thus, convinced of the wholly human origin of all that is food, a blind canine eager to see who knows that the night has no end, he is still on the go. The turkey is still edible.

    I leave Dawg at the foot of the table! One always finds one’s burden again. But Dawg teaches the higher fidelity that negates the comic’s creator. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that cranberry sauce, each instant dehydrated flake of that potato-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the table is enough to stick a dog’s tongue out. By that drool, one must imagine Dawg is happy.

  53. Dartpaw86
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    You know, sometimes I have trouble figuring out if Lois is wearing an earring or there’s just a space between her hair and face which it’s actually part of the wall I’m seeing.

    I’m weird like that…

  54. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Smirky – It’s a laff a minute, watching the various residents of Westview sink into their individual dooms from senility, depression, apathy, ignorance, accident, mistake, war, mental illness, and of course, our old friend cancer. “Bedside Manor.” The perfect name for an institution where wacky semi-vegetables await their inevitable high-larious demises.

    Sally – Every one of those names represents a whole life lived and now forgotten as surely as those unlabeled family daguerrotypes and tintypes I haven’t scanned yet. Time to start drinking.

  55. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#13): I’m thankful for your Cuteness.

  56. I speak Jive
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    MW – Why is Mary sticking her elbow in the pie in that first panel?

    MT – Is this turning into “The Most Dangerous Game?” Oh, pleasepleaseplease!

    I have to make my green bean casserole to take to Thanksgiving dinner. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone!
    “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”

  57. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    A3G — So he’s supposed to give her noogies?

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

  59. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Slylock – Six differences.
    1) In panel 1, he’s going to be eaten. In panel 2, he’s getting away.
    2) In panel 1, the helicopter pilot is fishing for alligators. In panel 2, she’s rescuing an explorer. [*]
    3) In panel 1, the explorer’s wife is going to be a widow. In panel 2, she’s filing for divorce (off-panel, but a newspaper with the whole story is clearly visible to somebody actually in the panel, if he has the eyes of a fox).
    4) In panel 1, the alligator’s children will get fed. In panel 2, they’ll all starve.
    5) In panel 1, one of the puffs is the alligator’s fart of triumph. In panel 2, they’re just briffits.
    6) In panel 1, the helicopter is fully gassed up. In panel 2, it’s about to crash, killing every living thing in the picture.

    9 – Woodshed, hell. when he’s going like that, run a hose to him and refill the zeppelin.

  60. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Dick – Joe, Mike, Shelley, Shane, and Jim are in need and alone? Man, that’s Funky Winkerbean sad. Almost as sad as the credit line for Dick Locher and Michael Killian that the Darkgate is still showing.

    Heathcliff – “Be careful with that gravy. Because Heathcliff is wearing his gravy helmet. So if you’re not careful with that gravy, he’ll come in here with that helmet, and something will happen. Something funny. I guess.”

    In the Bleachers today pays tribute to 60s trainwreck INVASION OF THE EYE CREATURES. Just so you know.

  61. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @muscle pain (#25): You do occasional ghostwriting for H & J, right?

  62. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    love is… …the all-toddler cast of ATLAS SHRUGGED segues into an awkward ‘romantic rape’ scene.

    Marmaduke – There’s all this popcorn, and the guy is saying “I think he popped too much popcorn.”!!! Somebody’s been taking lessons from Fred Basset! I laughed until I stopped.

    Marvin – Ha ha! It’s the yearly repeat of the inaccurate claim about tryptophan! Oh, I hope they’ll do the one about poinsettias being poisonous! [ps: Speed Bump too]

  63. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    R=R – Best time to slam the doors and change the locks is when the crazy lady is out feeding birds and squirrels and taking warm coats to snowmen. Just saying.

    Ziggy – This is what comes of bypassing all the toasters for the lower-priced Toastinator.

    @Droopy Says (#y205): With Smirky Schadenfreude, I think the issue is more one of balance. Batiuk got some attention and praise for doing “serious” strips, and now he thinks they should occupy 75% of the strip. That’s his choice, and here’s mine: he’s mawkish, so I’ll mawk him.

  64. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#19): Coincidentally, “above the waist” is the phrase Margo and everybody else in their building add to fortune cookie fortunes.

    @TheDiva (#24): Huh. A friend back in Virginia makes the best damn shoe-peg corn casserole ever, and now all of a sudden I want some.

    @Dartpaw86 (#26): The most American of Holidays? Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving too you know.
    And Canada is a part of which continent, again?

  65. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MW — Mary has reached the point where the prospect of sex with anyone at all besides Jeff sounds fascinating. Give her a break, Dawn — do it with Jim and give her a detailed report.

  66. commodorejohn
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    “I’ll be every inch a gentleman – and once, twice, three times a lady!”

  67. pugfuggly
    November 22nd, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#65):

    And Canada is a part of which continent, again?

    So when you Yanks are singing ‘God Bless America’, you’re including everyone from Alert to Tierra del Fuego? Thanks guys :)

  68. debussy fields
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    MT– Yes, Mr. Elrod, Panel One makes it more than obvious that you can’t draw hands very well, but you don’t have to do what you do in Panels Two and Three to get around the problem. Just lop off the bottom of the frame a little higher so we can’t see their hands at all.

  69. odinthor
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    This year’s Too Small for the Crowd Turkey Award goes to . . . Parker House drum roll please . . . The Lockhorns. No seconds, folks!

    #26. D86.– Wait a minute. Surely you don’t mean that Canadians aren’t celebrating that citizens of the U.S. have something to be thankful for?!?!?! I’ve always thought it was selflessly generous of them.

  70. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Re: “American holiday”: And it just wouldn’t be Thanksgiving (in any country) without a family squabble! =-)

  71. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    MT — What the frack???

  72. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#68): Whenever we yanks do anything, we do it with 100% agreement and coordination of purpose. Yes. We are unanimous in every single thing we do. Also, every word means one and only one thing, in all occasions.

  73. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    I looked up the history of Thanksgiving in Canada last month. The story of Martin Frobisher was interesting. I’m thankful for Canada. Some of the best Mudges live in Canada:-).

  74. La Cieca
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Hi then adds, “Thank you so bloody much, Lois, for not bothering to tell me that all our guests had canceled, and so I went to the trouble of shlepping all these damn table leaves from down in that dank basement and then smashing my thumb when Chip was ‘helping’ me, and so now we have the immense joy of having the nobody but the usual gaggle of brats sitting isolated around a table set for 12, and then the prospect of having to launder that oversized tablecloth we use exactly once a year besides. For this meal of dun-colored clouds, uncarved turkey, White Castle sliders, mystery casserole and salt and pepper, let us give our thanks as I raise in a toast my glass of Waterman Ink!”

  75. Dawn W.
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

  76. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#74): And by “some of the best,” I of course mean “some of the most consistently and gratifyingly entertaining to me, personally.” Cheers!

  77. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#74): Or they grew up in Canada and now live among us Yanks. Okay, I’m done.

  78. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#73): Yes, those Canadians are very popular in the community.

  79. Shrug, HappyThanksgivingWisher to Curmudgeons
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Happy Thanksgiving Wishes to Curmudgeons. No snark from this corner today.

    /// Including “Happy Belated Thanksgiving Wishes” to Canadian Curmudgeons

    /// And “Make Up Your Own Holiday for the Day and Be Happy About It” to Horace Broon, Raghead the Friendly Neighborhood Terrorist, and the rest of the international Curmudgeon crew

  80. Jamus The Bartender
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Dawn. Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. You mean to tell me you’re not even gonna help Jim at ALL? Not even with a handjob? That’s not very Thanksgiving. I mean…c’mon. Come. On. Do I have to spell THAT out? I mean, if there is ONE thing the guy needs help with…..

    Hi and Lois: And yet we cannot even say “Merry Christmas” in our nation’s shopping malls. Don’t tell me there’s no war on Christmas…

    A3G: Word, my friend. Word.

    Luann: This explains why Evans did the Turkey Day bit on Sunday. * shudder*

    9CL: I gotta say, I was expecting to see Amos gorging himself on Edda’s stuffing today, but I REALLY like this little old guy. If they renamed the strip, called it “The Weird Guy And His Dad”, I would buy the collected of that sh*t.

    Dick Tracy: Tracy Town?

    Okay, gotta check the bird. Today, i’m listening to Madison’s radical radio affiliate ( WORT if it matters. And is sure as hell does.) doing a show called “What Thanksgiving means to you” which means we’ll be hearing about how the Pilgrims thanked the Indians for keeping them from starving by putting on live bear shows where they ate the Indians.
    Happy Thanksgiving.

  81. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    MW Okay, I’ll own up to my OCD issues, but I can’t help but point out again that Dawn is not eating her piece of pie. It’s vexing me. Why? Is it inedible? What could possibly be wrong with this pie that Mary ba… Oh.

  82. pugfuggly
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#72):

    No wonder your legislative branch is so effective!

    But really, no worries. You guys claimed the name ‘America’ when you put it right in the name of your country, the rest of us are just a little jealous that we didn’t call it first. Honest question for historically-minded people: were there any other names in the running when the colonies were declaring independance (“United States of Virginia and Friends”? “The Republic of North Mexico”?, “Freedomania”?)

  83. Daniel
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace Not only are hot dogs and fries a very gauche culinary combination, but they’re far blander than typical Thanksgiving fare. Children do prefer bland to gamey food. And that goes double (one might assume) bland children.

  84. pugfuggly
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#82):

    couldn’t answer my own question, but ddi find this cool little wikipedia page:

    Aparently California is named after a fictional island?

  85. Zerowolf
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: The motto of the Phoenix Fund: Booty for Boobies.

  86. Zerowolf
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Greg, you slept with me to get your role. I know an inch is all you have, so that’s not exactly reassuring.

  87. Zerowolf
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: If you live in the Batuik-verse every meal could be your last. So can you really blame Ed?

  88. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#82): Shortly after declaring independence, we called the new country “The United States of Australia” in an attempt to misdirect the invading British army, but it didn’t work.

  89. Zerowolf
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    FC: Today on the Keane Kompound, the Melonheads rise up and eat their oppressors. The entity known as “Daddy” is taken down first.

  90. Baka Gaijin
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    I never realized that Greg was a Dondi but all grown up.

  91. Austria
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    BC: I’m thankful for the Comics Curmudgeon, where I can count on the other Mudgers to explain strips to me when I’m completely lost. Take this one, for example…what on Earth is going on?

    FW: Happy Thanksgiving, pass the Alzheimer’s.

  92. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 22nd, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    A3G “I’ll be every inch a gentleman, Ryan.”
    After the first two inches, it isn’t gentle, Greg.

    FW Ha ha! Ha ha! That’s doubly funny because he called his son “nice” and a “man.”

    Hey! And a big THANKS to Josh! Without Josh, I would never know what Mary Worth was up to.

  93. Sequitur
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (Y#213): Clown Bits! New from Nabisco!

  94. Baka Gaijin
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#93): DON’T GIVE THEM ANY IDEAS!

  95. FOOBed no more
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  96. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#82): “Columbia” comes up as a one-word name for the U.S. of A., (in songs like “Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean” and “Hail Columbia”) but there was another country with a similar name, so we’re stuck with an unwieldy name that gets shortened colloquially. I think perhaps “New England” and “New Amsterdam” were also mooted, but didn’t make the cut.

  97. Horace Broon
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    ASM: “Why would Kraven bother to capture a purse-snatcher? Maybe he wanted to impress his girlfriend! Maybe he’s really insecure and hoped that if he intervened in a crime people would like him for a change and JJJ would stop printing mean things about him … Man, what a loser!”

    DT We interrupt this story for a group photo. We’ll do it again in a month.

  98. Johnny Knuckles
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Hi has begun numbing his brain with a small glass of Inky Noir.
    MW: There’s always room for salmon square pie! And is Mary “sorry to hear” that Dawn won’t have be having sex with Mr. Sister Luster or, uhmm… You know, there’s no other interpretation for what Mary said. Well, then, I’m sorry too.
    A3G: “I’ll be every inch a gentleman.” Is the writer cribbing Roger Moore era Bond flicks?

  99. Doug Puthoff
    November 22nd, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    I wrote an open letter to Tom Batiuk. I hope you read it! (Click the link on my name.)

  100. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#82): Blame the British. When they owned a big chunk of North America, they called the 13 colonies along the Eastern seaboard “the American colonies” or just “the Americas”, both of which terms could of course have also included the British colonies in Canada, Bermuda, the Bahamas, and the Caribbean, but they didn’t. (They had also recently acquired Quebec and Florida, but those weren’t considered “the American colonies”, either.) The colonies that became the USA could have called themselves “New England”, but the British had already long since taken to referring to only the northeastern colonies that way, so it’s all their fault that we had to take the name “America” for our country and left the rest of the New World to call itself something else. I hear “The United States of Vespucci” is still available, as is “Fred”.

  101. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#97): While most of the Dick Tracy cast poses for a group photo, Lizz Grove and Sam Catchem are off chasing down leads on who stole Marmaduke’s balls. (Name one Marm strip where those have ever appeared!)

  102. Dartpaw86
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#64):

    Canada and USA are both part of North America. But I’m classified as Canadian not American. With your argument you can call people from Brazil Americans because they’re in South “America”

  103. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#102): You’re classified as Canadian because you live in a country called “Canada,” apparently. And yet you are also, literally, an American, and so are the Brazilians. And French people can be Europeans! I correspond regularly with people who have figured this all out and who try neologisms like “USians” to distinguish Yanks from others who live on these continents. (God help them if they identify by their ancestry, but that’s another topic.)

  104. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 22nd, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Treat her like my little sister, you say? You do realize I’m from West Virginia.”

    MT: Gay porn setup ahoy!

    FW: Nice man? Whoa buddy, you are way off!

    9CL: Credit where credit is due. Lots of us have suffered through Thorax’s pretentious bullshit. Pap is actually willing to beat him for it.

    JP: Presumably Peaches is also in charge of handing Sam a suitcase of gold ingots, since we all know he’s getting one.

    Garfield: In honor of the Romans landing on Plymouth Rock?

    GT: Doyle Dane, who gives terrible advice to his “clients” and shucks off all responsibility for the results, is a disaster as a PR man. He should send his résumé to Margo Magee.

    Phantom: So Kit has confirmed that the lioness isn’t keeping Kosher.

    Bliss: Well done. I’m always up for a John Cage joke.

    A&J: Check out the scalloping on the bottom of Janis’ word balloon. Arlo may be in for a rare night without nookie.

    Luann: And let us all give thanks that this comic doesn’t have audio.

    S-M: The showgirl’s into backstage, huh? I bet Kraven has a special code for that in his little black book.

  105. Dartpaw86
    November 22nd, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#103):

    I understand what you mean, It seems like the US is implying that USA is all of America -_- that’s kind of annoying.

  106. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Note to all non-US’ers: Do not call someone from the southeastern USA a “yank” or “yankee”. Trust me, it’s for your own good, especially if they’re armed. Just sayin’.

  107. Troostie
    November 22nd, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    A3G- Greg, it ain’t very big around, but it sure is short!

  108. Sequitur
    November 22nd, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#47): And a Happy Thanksgiving to you. I bet you didn’t know you shared a philosophy with Eddie.

  109. Chaze
    November 22nd, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Dang. I wanted to see the Thanksgiving spread at the Weston house. Screw Mary and her store bought pumpkin pie.

  110. Sequitur
    November 22nd, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#99): I read your open letter to Tom Batiuk. I wanted to respond to it but I forgot what you wrote.

  111. Uncle Lumpy
    November 22nd, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    If Team Crankshaft ever chooses to use their powers for good, good will suck.

  112. billman
    November 22nd, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#91):

    re: B.C. That mutilated mass in the foreground of panel 2 is a turkey (saurus? Meh, if they don’t care about their premise why should I?) the ostensible “cavemen” have failed to catch. So they’re eating rocks and the turkey is sympathizing, apparently. Because Thanksgiving!!

  113. billman
    November 22nd, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#112):

    panel 3, went from memory then went to check.

  114. Sequitur
    November 22nd, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#111): It already sucks good.

  115. tallyHO
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114):
    So it is suckcessful then?

  116. Dale
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#112):

    The problems I had were:
    Who put all the bandages on the turkey?
    Why is the turkey hiding that close to the people?

  117. Sequitur
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#115): Oui. Like aloe vera it is suckulant.

  118. tallyHO
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#116):

    It doesn’t make a lot of sense does it?

    I flipped back through the rest of the weeks and today’s still doesn’t make sense.

    I guess the pig and he got into a fight? Or, the pig bandaged him up and put a roll of toilet paper around his neck. (Toilet paper. Which you would think the B.C. people may want after they finish eating rocks and seaweed)

    Maybe Josh can get the guy who wrote it to explain why. Someone pay attention to tomorrow’s to see if there is an answer in the strip. If there is none then let’s badger Josh and make him….aw geez.

    yaaaaaawn….the turkey’s kicking in….

    oh well, whatever happened, happened. whatever happens happens.

    happy thanksgiving.

  119. Brimstone
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft’s prayer is, of course, about death.

  120. billman
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#118):

    Yes, you keep going that deep into and it ceases to be snark and just gets boring.

  121. Another Kiwi
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    H+L: Only Hi is drinking and it is his drink, yes it is, which he is thankful for since his family are yabbering on in in languages he’s never heard before. They always think they’re better than he is, well they’ll see when he’s finished his Blackheart rum, oh yes they’ll see.
    MW: The emergence of the first MW/Spiderman crossover villain: Meddlerwoman!!! Don’t eat the pie Dawn!! You will be helpless against Meddlerwoman meddling… yeah it is too late. Oh well.

  122. Chaze
    November 22nd, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, and while we didn’t have any of those trouble causing rum balls at our festivties, we DID have multiple bottles of wine and few more of champagne. Let’s just say we were a relaxed bunch and there was no family drama.

    I did my best to explain this site and how much fun it is, so I might have recruited some ‘mudges. I think my niece, a 50 year old English teacher, fits the profile perfectly. She did a great job of ripping Family Circus at the dinner table, making me proud.

    Everyone else gave me that “he’s so odd” look I known most of my life.

  123. kanomi
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    The only thing I don’t understand about Thanksgiving is why we have to watch the Detroit bloodsucking Lions perform horribly and awfully and incompetently year after year after godawful year.

    I have never been to Detroit! I have never even been to the Midwest! I am sorry your city is dying because bloated 1950s corporate morons never imagined a world without tailfins on 28′ long sedans.

    Don’t ruin my holidays because of that, though. It seems mildly tyrannical and grossly inept.

  124. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Hello, my name is Wilbur, and I am a glutton.

  125. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Digger (#49): Mary inherited the recipe from her mother.
    I’m sorry, I misspoke. Mary got the pie from her mother. The recipe is mercifully lost to the ages.

  126. seismic-2
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#124): Not only that, but you shouldn’t be alive.

    And don’t get me started on that comb-over.

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#59):

    9 – Woodshed, hell. when he’s going like that, run a hose to him and refill the zeppelin.

    Greg from A3-J approves. That way he can give Skylar every inch of his love.

  128. Alison
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    “Hi and Lois”: What a random bunch of nonsense. All of a sudden these children, who are routinely portrayed as being very stupid, all know a phrase in other languages at the drop of a hat. And yet, poor Trixie-even in this throwaway strip she can’t do anything but wave her arm around.

  129. tallyHO
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#120):

    To be quite frank, by tomorrow I will have forgotten I even read it.
    Even though I put links on this page which could, in theory, be used to allow me to revisit the strip on Friday, most likely I will forget B. C. exists. In other words, tomorrow will be more normal than not.

    So, instead of placing The B. C. Thanksgiving Special into the category of Unsolved Mysteries which should be delved into and Solved…you know…whatever.

    @kanomi (#123):

    I’ve long held that perhaps it is a reminder to most of America that we do not live in Detroit. That seems unfair but it is the only thing that makes sense.
    On the other hand, somehow, someway, the Dallas Cowboys are “America’s Team”–when that happened, I don’t know…soooo….let’s see how they performed today:

    (be right back)
    Final Score:

    Washington Redskins: 38
    Dallas Cowboys: 31

    I guess there was some sort of symbolism to that game. What, I don’t know.

    As a (perhaps) final thought, maybe the Cowboys and the Lions are being punished by needing to play on Thanksgiving instead of sneaking away to go home and spend time with their families. Perhaps the NFL is meting out some punishment.

    But, hey. I gotta rest up my brain musckuls to see if I can figure out the kookiness of tomorrow’s comic strips. Maybe I will tackle this as soon as later tonight, or not.

    What will Mary Worth say? What will Mark Trail do? Will Snuffy Smif get jailed for the holiday weekend? Will Wilbur make a guest appearance in Spider-Man as the hapless sidekick to Kraven? ( Duhhh. Sure, Mistuh Kraven! Rightaway, boss! Here come da monkeys!)

  130. Uncle Lumpy
    November 22nd, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#126):

    … you shouldn’t be alive.

    I like to think that Wilbur’s editor assigned him “I Shouldn’t Be Alive!” as a nine-part series, and that Wilbur blazed through his tilted-boat adventure in the first two installments. Now, with all that empty newsprint yawning open before him, he is recounting every detail of his sordid, meaningless life, laying out for his readers exactly why, in any just world, he wouldn’t exist.

  131. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#126): One more dessert and they’ll have to call Sergente Resculini to airlift me out of my chair.

  132. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

  133. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#130):

    …laying out for his readers exactly why, in any just world, he wouldn’t exist.

    “I eat, therefore I yam.”

  134. Sgt. Stoned
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: Aw, c’mon Dawn, you’d be surprised to know how much a pity fuck can help a man forget his dead sister and his missing arm!

    H&L: Who knew that the Flagstons had a Chippendale table that they covered with a table cloth.

  135. demoncat
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    mw looks like mary is going to make sure jim accepts dawns decision not to date him as only mary can . crankshaft they should be thankful for roses rum balls maybe keeping ed out of action for the rest of the day .

  136. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Forty-four years on earth, twenty-one of them spent in school, thirteen in pastoral ministry, two kids, one book, one marriage, teaching in a (putatitvely) institution of higher learning, God alone knows how many Twinkies, and my whole life has led up to one point: being happy that someone is going to get hurt in 9 Chickweed Lane because I hate them so much.

  137. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @kanomi (#123): Way back when I was unwillingly in high school marching band, I had to march one year for the Lions Thanksgiving football game. Bleargh. I have affection for the Detroit area, having grown up there, but no affection for the Lions or football in general.

  138. Poteet
    November 22nd, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#136): Whereas I can’t even be all that happy because the image of Thorax bending over to get spanked is so unspeakable. 9CL, where new layers of hell keep revealing themselves. So to speak.

  139. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#138): Now, is that any way to express gratitude on Thanksgiving? Let the hate flow, Padwan, and block your bile duct…

  140. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    Henry Mitchell’s blond-haired bastard offspring raises a good point. I hate turkey and stuffing. We had ham today, and I’d be happy just for pizza.

    Hot dogs, however, are an abomination unto the Lord.

  141. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#108): You know, I don’t know why they have to screw up bourbon for me like that.

    (And happy Thanksgiving to you, too!)

    @Sgt. Stoned (#134):

    Aw, c’mon Dawn, you’d be surprised to know how much a pity fuck can help a man forget his dead sister and his missing arm!

    Especially in this case. Two minutes after the act is completed: “Holy crapping pancakes! What have I done? I mean, look at you—you’re, you’re hideous! If only I could remember something more horrific than sex with Dawn Weston—but I can’t! All horrible things have been eclipsed. . . . Hey, where’s my arm?”

  142. Esther Blodgett
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Happy Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! While I’m extremely thankful for landing a new job just in time for the holidays, I’m sad that it’s taken me away from this page for the last couple of weeks. I hope everyone had a fabulous day. :)

  143. Mibbitmaker
    November 22nd, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    On a busy Turkey day of family visits, eating, travel, eating, and MST3K quasi-marathon, oversnarpologies for any leftovers…

    A3G: Johnny Carson grew a beard?! (and is still alive!?) Of course, he promptly stops being Johnny, just in time to have no sense of humor.

    MW: Mary Worth is forever!…

    (Ancient Times)
    Mary: “Your MOM, Oedipus? I say go for it!”

    Tomorrow, Mary heads back to the very early ’90s to urge Nichole Simpson to stick it out forever with OJ, no matter what! (special guest appearance by Mark Trail)

  144. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 23rd, 2012 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#140): At least you’re able to choose between turkey and ham. My sister is allergic(!) to gobble meat, so she generally consumes pig flesh with her Thanksgiving dinner.

  145. seismic-2
    November 23rd, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    A3G (Friday): Did the color monkeys goof, or has Skyler actually changed her hair color? And when Aunt Kathy referred to Skyler as “the new Bond Girl” a couple of months ago, I thought she was being sarcastic, but now it turns out to be the truth, because Greg is in fact the new James Bond???? This story is getting harder to swallow than Mary Worth’s desserts.

  146. Droopy Says
    November 23rd, 2012 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: There stands Peter Parker, living proof that you can dress ‘em up but you can’t take ‘em any where. And Jameson, accompanied by his member of the Showgirl Gang.

    FW: After yesterday’s mope, I’m not going to stick around to see when you start making fun of a kid with Down’s Syndrome. So Batiuk can stick it.

    Jugs Parker: Up next week: thrills galore as Avery gets up and waddles to the breakfast table.

    Family Circus: That’s . . . actually funny, as though somebody had looked at real kids.

    Mock Trail:If Trail gets stuborn, Otto will twists his arms . . . oops, too late.

    Dick Tracy:Pity the Cinnamon Knight. Peter Parker infected him with an STD: Spiderman-Transmitted Delay.

    9 Dickweed Lane: I was hoping to see Thorass rendered into a bloody pulp, but having Brooke admit that “cartooning” is his metaphor for something else made my day.

  147. HAnzMFG
    November 23rd, 2012 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    Good God, why are there so many old people in comic strips? I ponder the answer to this until I realize that Blondieis over 75 years old

  148. Cardinal Fang
    November 23rd, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    CS: “…I pray the lard my sole to bake.”
    C’mon Crankshaft, afraid of punning the Almighty?

  149. Richard Steel
    November 23rd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Chris Browne writes a “Hi and Lois” strip which features an inclusive Thanksgiving Day prayer, and somehow you interpret this as a slam against liberals? Perhaps it is…after all, the Left has spent decades insisting that all conservatives, without exception, are racist, sexist, homophobic knuckle-draggers who spend all day hating everyone. You breath fire at any and all conservatives while calling them “haters”. Will Josh ever see his contractions? Probably not.

  150. Dale
    November 23rd, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Richard Steel (#149):


    Where’s the prayer?
    Lois asked a question. Three of the kids think it’s a vocabulary test.
    Trixie is the only one who might be trying to count.

  151. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    November 23rd, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    I know I’m late to the party with this comment, but I’m pretty sure ‘Mahalo’ is native Hawaiian for ‘thank you’ and is therefore an American language…

  152. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 25th, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Some dialect contributions: I developed some fluency in the dialect in Madison in the mid-eighties, so I’d like to point out that “womyn” is the PC-feminist plural, while the PC-feminist singular is “womon.”

  153. SPCA
    November 26th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    MW: I love where this could go- stalker vs stalker free-for-all! As Dawn hounds Jim with her “I just want to be friends” texts, he goes further into denial, believing she is persecuting him. He refuses to see her, and makes anonymous posts on her Facebook page alleging slut-like activity. Dawn desperately hopes for reconciliation as ‘friends’ and further seeks Mary’s advice: “Remember Dawn, the oven heating element glows red, but is best kept at a safe distance from the casserole”. Dawn literally stalks Jim at the hospital, slipping little notes in his food, promising to hurt herself if he doesn’t return her texts. This culminates in the discovery of a female mannequin with black/orange clown hair in the front of Dawn’s building, with one arm ripped off and nails driven into the eye sockets. Dawn tearfully whines to Mary: ” I can’t believe this is ending with a restraining order!”

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