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Hard-earned wisdom from a woman much tougher than you realize

Mary Worth, 11/24/12

Oh my goodness, Mary. You … you really want to do this? It seems like you want to do this. Fine. Everyone, once upon a time — 2006, to be exact — there was a Mary Worth storyline that involved a man who wanted to be more than friends with Mary, and it was a very important moment in the history of this blog. Click any of the links below, for the Glory and the Majesty!

This — this — is the backstory to what Mary is telling Dawn. If the friendship is strong enough, your aggressive paramour will understand that no means no. And if he isn’t … well, are you ready to kill, Dawn? Kill in a way that leaves no trail back to you? Because that’s what it takes, Dawn. That’s what it takes.

Beetle Bailey, 11/24/12

I normally don’t care to know any of the backstory to the half-hearted hijinks of Beetle Bailey, but I admit this one has me curious. How long was General Halftrack followed around by an eager documentarian? Do you think he knew in his heart of hearts that it had gone badly, or had he deluded himself until this moment that he’d look like a hero to movie-going audiences everywhere? Is the titular Disaster at Camp Swampy a single, disastrous incident that was caught on film, or is it referring to the metaphorical, slow-motion disaster that’s so all-pervasive that the soldiers stationed there won’t be able to recognize it until they see it on the big screen?

Archie, 11/24/12

Ha ha, I love how angry Reggie is at the space monsters, for failing to open diplomatic relations with Earthlings. “How dare these extraterrestrial chumps refuse to speak to me! Have they even seen my amazing stripy sweater?”

207 responses to “Hard-earned wisdom from a woman much tougher than you realize”

  1. Col. Havoc
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Josh,
    Awesome trip down memory lane!
    Unfortunately, Mary has completely blocked, obliterated, and absolved all responsibility in the aforementioned matter, and is right now only thinking of Dr. What’s His Name.

  2. Col. Havoc
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    For the record, YOUR storyline would me MUCH better.

  3. Col. Havoc
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    (be)

  4. Spunde
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    BB: Maybe there’s not much of a backstory. Maybe somebody was just wandering around camp with a camcorder. “The guy who taped my documentary? I though Chen Liang was taping your documentary!”

  5. Adam Bahm
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MW: Actually, I think she is talking about Dr. Jeff. He wants to be more than friends, and she doesn’t.

  6. sally
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Crikey, that was 2006? I remember it well, but had no idea it was that long ago. Haven’t there only been, like, five story lines in Mary Worth since then?

  7. Liam
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MW-And if not then your friends are going to have to hold an intervention to distract the guy while you are cutting his brake lines.

    MW 2-Aldo fell in ‘love’ with Mary because she looks like his dead wife? Is that a requirement for going out with someone in the Mary Worth-verse you have to look like a dead spouse or family member. “Gee, Jim, I would love to go out with you but you don’t look like any of my family members.”

    Gil Thorp-”Now I will see you again at the end of the story where I will claim that I have taught you all a valuable lesson in tolerance when I’ve done nothing during this story.”

    FW-What happened to hat boy and the selling of band turkeys? I want some resolution on that story. Did he go to a house and someone decided to stuff him like a turkey?

    MT-If only someone gave Fredo the same advice.

  8. remmy
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    9CL: Well played Brooke – you were funny today and it didn’t involved the cat. Well played.

  9. seismic-2
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Thanks for the thrilling Aldomania recap, Josh. Next week: one-armed Jim and Doctor Jeff both figure out that the only way to heat up their let’s-just-keep-things-the-way-they-are relationships with the Stone-Hearted Love Goddesses of Charterstone is to move to Australia and then serenade them back home with wretched ballads crooned over Skype.

  10. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . driving her long and hard.

  11. pugfuggly
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MW See Mary’s expression in panel 1? I’m pretty sure that’s the same one worn by serial killers reminiscing about their last victim.

    BB With Gen Halftrack’s public humiliation imminent, his last remaining star rips itself from his shoulder and runs for cover.

    Archie The lower ranking alien seems to be a little miffed. “Glorbax! Even if we decided to contact these earthicans, they aren’t capable of interstellar travel. There’s no possible way for them to make it back to one of our planets, nor bring any of their pollution along with them. Blarg, I wish I had gliffed a little more fyoorit in college….”

  12. jimmy bocuse
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Well looks like General Halftrack has a little Patreus in him. And how progressive a twist a “male” biographer ! You go General!

  13. Brian Weaver
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Mary’s new inappropriate beatific smile makes me think she’s on some kind of maintenance dose or something.

  14. TheRealAaron
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    BB: how far in advance are comic strips written? Is this some sort of Petraeus joke? And if so, why is the punch line about putting the word “disaster” in the title? Unless its a reference to…

    Never mind, I decided not to think about it.

  15. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    MW

    Turns out he [Aldo] was attracted to Mary because she looked just like his dead wife

    And the most important aspect of Mary’s resemblance was the “dead” part.

    mo’ Mary And what of Dr. Jeff? As Mary hints, “He must have finally come around.”
    Which means Dr. Jeff wines and dines Mary at the Bum Boat, takes her out for a spin in his boat, then home for a quick peck on the cheek at the door, and after he returns to his lonely apartment where he masturbates while paging through his gynecology textbooks.

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    I have a request for squeefans who are on Facebark. Scottish Deerhounds are facing off against Ibizan Hounds for next weeks featured breed on IHhzAHotdog. While the Ibizans are a pretty dog, Scottish Deerhounds are second only to Irish Wolfhounds as my favorite “OMG it’s h00j!” breed of dog. Please consider voting for the big scruffy if you are into that sort of thing.

    Thank you, Chemistry Cat! (bb,u might like this one.)

    seems 20% more legit.

    Red Panda :q

    corgsqui.

    Tartan with corgi.

    Master of all he can survey!

  17. Horace Broon
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: “That makes no sense at all! If everyone Margo didn’t like left her agency, she wouldn’t have any clients at all! Do you think she likes me? I do, but that’s because I’m completely deluded!”

    FC: Child psychologists tell us that by Jeffy’s age, let alone Dolly’s, most children can work out that a sandwich cut in half and a sandwich cut in quarters is the same amount of sandwich. The Keane Kids aren’t just too young to understand things; they really are stupid. Science says so!

    JP: “For the love of God, don’t make me come back here! You people are all insane!”

  18. Alter Ego
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    love is… going to Nantucket for the limericks.

  19. Alter Ego
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    love is… looking for Moby Dick.

  20. Alice
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    9CL: Is it wrong that, as far as deliberately amateurish comics-within-a-comic go, I prefer FC’s “Little Billy” strips to this?

    Archie: Thing is, it would be totally in character for Reggie to be offended the extraterrestrials didn’t immediately speak to him.

    Luann: Ah, if only Quill’s joke about the beach “Sheila”…weren’t a joke, so this non-romance story could finally wrap up.

  21. Alex Blaze
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    You can tell this Archie is from the early 90′s because they considered pollution to be a bad thing instead of the liberal conspiracy we know it as today. Oh how far we’ve come.

  22. TheDiva
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MW: Sometimes I think Karen Moy is on our side, and is writing Mary Worth ironically. The introduction of Aldomania: The Next Generation may be the strongest proof of that theory yet.

  23. btown
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    JP: secret Masonic handshake alert: Panel 1

  24. TheDiva
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    MW: Sometimes I think Karen Moy is on our side, and is writing Mary Worth ironically. Aldomania: The Next Generation may be the strongest proof of that theory yet.

  25. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#17): How old do you think the little melonheads are? Because we had this exact argument when my son was 4.

  26. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    MW — AIEEEE! I clicked on the MW skeevy hands link and there was an old-style GT showing what it was like back when everybody in GT looked like aliens including the buildings and furniture! Pardon me, I need to lie down and recover.

  27. wossname
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Congrats to He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus and all the funny folks on the float!

    A3G – Let’s have a big round of applause for the color monkey who decided to make that little Christmas tree green! Otherwise we would have thought it was a blue person with an extreme hairstyle. OTOH, if they’d made it red, it could have been an alien bursting out of the back of Greg’s head. That would have been fun too.

    Crank – Hahaha! It’s funny because raw eggs = salmonella = death!

    JP – What kind of a handshake is that?? It looks like they’re hooking fingers, with no thumb involvement and no palm-touching. Is that the secret handshake of the Brotherhood of Rich Guys Who Get Stuff Free?

    Luann – Can you imagine what that looks like at Quill’s end of the Skype? Eww, just eww.

  28. Alter Ego
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    love is… driving all that way just to buy him a codpiece.

  29. Alter Ego
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    love is… sniggering every time you see a sign for Woods Hole.

  30. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: “That makes no sense at all. The Margo Magee I know likes everyone; she’s a veritable font of human kindness and warmth.”

    I know that Evan is supposed to be the weaselly bad guy here, but Skyler’s right: Margo ignored her and treated her dismissively; wasn’t much of their dialogue a version of “Oh, Ms. Magee, I’m so glad to meet you!” / “Get lost, kid—yer botherin’ me!”?

    MW: In today’s strip, Mary prompts all of us to smile wistfully as we remember those not-quite-friends, not-quite-lovers in our lives, the relationships that didn’t evolve into their best forms, and most of all, those “let’s just be friends” moments when the would-be lover, spurned and despondent, hurtled off a cliff to a fiery death.

  31. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    I knew Aldo Kelrast. Aldo Kelrast was a friend of mine. Crazy Ass One-Armed Psycho Jim, you’re no Aldo Kelrast.

  32. La Cieca
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    MW: “Little do the caped crusaders know that at this very moment, deep beneath Santa Royale, a new plot is being hatched by archfiend The Meddler.”

    (Actually, that’s not completely accurate, because MW hasn’t had a new plot since the Clinton administration.)

  33. Illustrator Steve
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark has become very popular in the community, so popular that Otto is actually willing to pay Mark $2,000,000.00 for him to leave his popularity behind and go home.
    Maybe if we all chip in we could pay Jackelrod enough for him to leave his clip art behind and go home too!

  34. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    3G – The Henson outfit has always done a decent job on these characters, but how come they never have them wave their arms or really throw their heads around? Are their sticks broken?

    Slylock says nothing, because Max Mouse is a ventriloquist. A mute one.

    Zits – “Give yourself a nice surprise at the next wedding or funeral by putting a fiver in the pocket of your dark suit now.” —VIZ Top Tips

  35. bobbaloo
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    the original name of the Gen. Halftrack documentary was “All In”, so . . .

  36. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Alley – December 21st is less than a month away! And by the time we finish this conversation, it’ll be less than a week away!

    Archie – Another pollution reference. That puts this in the early 1990s — twenty years after the trend hit. (And Alex Blaze has independently reached the same conclusion, which proves we’re both right.)

    9 – 3/4 amusing!

  37. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Ziggy – If the manual’s in Korean, get an elephant to read it to you.

    @Dale (#y14): Mark doesn’t understand all this talk about “the biggest tarpon.” After all, Cherry has a box of them in the bathroom, and they’re all the same size.

  38. La Cieca
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#28): If Margo were a font, she would be Comic Sans Empathy.

  39. Buck Ripsnort
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#11): The alien seems more depressed than angry. “Sure thing, ALIEN BOSS! You know best, ALIEN BOSS! Kiss my zcrittle, ALIEN BOSS!”

  40. Illustrator Steve
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MT – “You have become very popular with our little group, Mar, and Otto doesn’t like that!”
    “Yeah, that was my plan all along, Pop, to get the bad guy to hate my guts enough to kick me off his island! …Hey, Pop! You want some of this unrecognizably charred-to-a-blackened-crisp bonefish I cooked two days ago?”
    “Nah. Thanks anyway, Mark, but I’ve been trying to cut down. Besides, that fish is so over cooked you’d need it’s dental records to identify it!”

  41. Mibbitmaker
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    BBailey: The original title was “General Developments”, which is probably why Sgt. Snorkle (or was it Beetle?) tried to join Blue Man Group…

    Archie (meta): I don’t think the aliens would be interested in Reggie’s stripey shirt. They seem more like polka-dot men to me.

    Archie: “…not to mention wars, terrorism, partisanship, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, gangsterism, natural gas explosions, murder, rape, arson, greed, bigotry, racism, sexism…….”

    MW (meta): Thanks for the write-up (I didn’t click the links since I still have the storyline as a whole bookmarked), Josh. It’s like… seeing the “Manos” ep of MST3K all over again….

  42. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Aldo was staying at his brother’s condo in Charterstone. So there could still be a Kelrast skulking around behind the rose bushes! I’m just saying watch your back is all, Mary.

  43. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Is the site acting a little poky for anybody else?

  44. pugfuggly
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

  45. Dartpaw86
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Aliens: You know today is the day! We shall go down and made diplomatic peace with the humans.
    (Hears Reggie’s talk)
    Aliens: Never mind, humans are douches.

  46. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#41): Yep, it keeps timing out when I refresh. Which is okay, because I’m pretty poky today, too.

  47. bbofun
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I couldn’t get on the site with Chrome- had to switch to Explorer.

  48. Dartpaw86
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Um… also Aliens have come to Riverdale in the past. In at least one magazine story, and in an episode of “Archie’s Weird Mysteries”
    Continuity? What’s that?
    Heck, in that episode Reggie was abducted, and replaced with a robotic clone while the aliens take him to their home planet to experiment on. But in order for the clone to be like Reggie they asked him what his personality was like.
    “I’m nice, kind, sharing, polite, an all around awesome guy”
    So wacky confusion is throughout the whole episode.

  49. Sequitur
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#41): Pokey? It downright went away for a while.

    Batiuk is learning the ins and outs of the internet and causing havoc. He’ll blame it on Crankshaft.

  50. greghousesgf
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    That Archie strip is probably a rerun from the 80′s, Reggie said “dweebs”.

  51. Calico
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Hi Josh – thank you so much for the Aldo recap.
    That’s how I came to this blog – CNN had an arcicle about Aldo, and a link to the CC. Can’t believe it’s been 6 years.
    Morbid question – wonder why we don’t see more flower vendors outside of cemeteries. They’d make a killing, haha.
    (Right at the base of the hill at Pére la Chaise, there is a flower shop – I bought a rose to put on Jimbo’s grave when my Mom and I visited.)

  52. Calico
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Wait, wait, Mary. In 2006 you said “Death is clear-cut, it’s life that isn’t.” The other day you said “Life is simple.”
    For God’s sake please take your Aricept-if you can’t remember to take your meds, have the Charterstone nurse remind you.

    Speaking of Aricept, I turn 50 at 11:58 tonight. I kept my Mom in labor for 48 hours. Such a nice baby!

  53. Calico
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#41):
    Yes, it’s ok now-thought it was my computer. I did a reboot. All is well now – guess WP gets a little backed up tmie and again.

  54. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#51):

    I’m guessing maintenance by the ServInt folks, who are lovely people.

  55. FOOBED no more
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the Aldo flashbacks, Josh! The first one also had a Gil Thorp strip featuring Gil’s middle-school age daughter Keri. What happened to Gil’s kids anyway? Even though Gil and Mimi never age, their students do, so you’d have thought the kids would have gone to high school at some point.

  56. Becky H.
    November 24th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MW – Okay, with this reminder of the gloriousness of the Aldo saga, let’s start a betting pool on how One-Armed-JimMania 2012 is going to end! My money’s on “chases Dawn in a stolen car while high on PCP and she leads him to the pier where he panics in a fit of PTSD, forgets to hit the brake, and drives straight into the water”

  57. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#50): Happy early birthday! In honor of your mom, celebrate for 48 hours straight.

    And welcome to your fifties—they rock!

  58. FOOBED no more
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#50): Happy Birthday, Calico!

  59. bbofun
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    JP- Wait a minute! The Judge is coming back TODAY? There’s a wedding to plan? Don’t tell me we’re going to a new story without getting back to Peaches? PEEEEEAAAACCCCHHHHEEESSS!

  60. MySpoonIsTooBig
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    9CL- See Brroke? You CAN write a decent, non-queasy or pretentious set up and punchline if you put you mind to it!

  61. Apeman
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#7): So let’s say you’re right and in the Worth-verse you cannot fall in love unless the person of your affection looks like a deceased relative you once loved yourself. This opens up worlds of horrifying implications. For example, what if that loved one was your identical twin? You will be searching the Worth-verse forever for a person who looks exactly like you!

  62. bbofun
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    JP- Wait- are we going to start a whole new story without seeing Peaches again? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PEEEEEEEEAAAAACCCCHHHHEEESSS!

  63. bbofun
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Sorry about the double post. I’M JUST SO DISTRAUGHT!

  64. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#57):

    Wait a minute! The Judge is coming back TODAY?

    Don’t worry — this is Judge Parker. There’s plenty of time to enjoy Peaches between now and February.

  65. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail So, wait. I was right again? The best solution to take care of the Mark Trail “problem” (of being a likable hostage who endears himself to his captors and who threatens the masculinity of the alpha kidnapper) is to just toss him in the ocean waters?

    Like a broken clock, this makes twice I was right about what might happen in the comics. The first time being calling out how Jim Rightpaw was cah-raah-zee and how Dawn better become hip to his insanity and bolt.

    What I didn’t anticipate was how much the Meddle of Mary Worth would slow down this thing like the molasses she probably puts in those pies she keeps serving Dawn which seem to be transferring the youthfulness of Dawn to Mary and making Dawn look older by the day.

    slylock the Main Event fox! day-yum!
    A rhino boxing a gorilla! And, Foxy and Mousey have front row seats? Sweet! The gorilla sweat will shower them while the rhino stomps will make them spill their beers!

    Archie-kins Come on, you junior anthro-apologists! You call the decade from which the strip first appeared but discount the notion the dialogue in panels one and two are new while the third is a template on perpetual stand-by to help meet deadlines? Personally, I’d take panels one and two, get all “Groundhog Day” with it and draw a new third panel featuring various additional characters drawn in a different style than the Archie House style. (The Archie House Style is not to be confused with their penchant for wearing really loud sweaters regardless of the season.)

  66. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#61): Yes, it’s a tragedy. I’m starting to forget what Peaches looked like, whereas I suspect the image of Avery is permanently seared into my cerebrum. Life is brutal.

  67. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#50): Happy birthday! May your second half century be even groovier than your first!

  68. Zerowolf
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    FC: The Melonhead Uprising begins to unravel as they turn on eachother over the spoils of their victory. How dare PJ, the littlest Melonhead get 4 pieces of Mommy Entrail Sandwiches, where the Melonhead Queen only gets the last two slices of Daddy-loaf.

    Oh hell with it, I give up, no amount of retconning is going to make FC even remotely interesting.

  69. Shrug, Articulator of old Ace Paperbacks
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#50):

    “Speaking of Aricept, I turn 50 at 11:58 tonight. I kept my Mom in labor for 48 hours. Such a nice baby!”

    In the LIAVEK shared world fantasy series, that would make you a very very powerful wizard. Please don’t harm us.

  70. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Apeman (#59):

    GASP!

    How did you find out about my super-secret product, Mirror-Mates ™?

    With Mirror-Mates ™, the lonely will have a chance to reunite with their lost dead twin siblings, or with imaginary, long lost ones.

    They are easy to operate and fun to use!
    Just take one of the Mirror-Mates ™ and strap it on! So, when you go to your next class reunion, you can show off by being twice the person you were in high school or college.

    When people ask you what it is that is different about you, don’t tell them your twin now follows you where-ever you go. Let them figure it out on their own!

    Say you are missing a twin and a sandwich. Sure, it seems unlikely, but with Mirror-Mate ™it will never ever happen thanks to this handy-dandy Sandwich Caddy ™ which attaches with ease. Now, even if you never had a twin sibling, and are just lonely, you, too can have a constant twin companion AND a sandwich!

    Act now! Supplies are limited because surprisingly people can be as smart as they look. They just aren’t likely to be as smart as a fox in a blue suit and cape makes himself out to be!

    Mirror Mate ™ keeps dreams alive by perpetuating delusions!

    If Mirror-Mate ™ is used when attending family events, like reunions or holidays, please use with caution, as most relatives will suspect a slight problem with your attempt to reanimate the dead, or invent a long lost sibling from whole cloth. This may not be the most satisfactory manner in which to participate in a family function. The makers of Mirror-Mate ™ are not responsible for any thing which may occur should someone be shocked, startled, disturbed, incarcerated, institutionalized, or any other actions which may occur upon the end-user wearing this device.

  71. Stroker Ace
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Love Is… taking hubby to Provincetown on his b-day & hoping he finally gets it out of his system.

  72. ratnerstar
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @bobbaloo (#33): I jumped to the comments to make this exact joke. Too slow, as usual, but I thought I’d also mention that McKayla Maroney totally ripped off Gil Thorpe.

  73. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    family circus They say, some times the simplest answer is the right one.

    So, it is obvious, little PJ is the reincarnation of baby Moses and he just parted his half-cut sandwich!

    Kudos, young Moses! Eat up! Miracles are hard work!

    Don’t concern yourself if you are misunderstood. Once you get the tablets in the Divine, Holy Trapper Keeper of Torah-ness, you will make your kind follow your lead.

    The Ten Com-melonhead-ments will be the rules your kind needs to know to survive!

  74. Fat Bass Turd
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#71): PJ part his sandwich? He can’t even part his hair.

  75. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — I’m kind of rooting for this Skype romance only because I hope it will reduce the amount of strip space given to *shudder* Gunther.

  76. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#50): Happy birthday, and may you grow older with the contentment, ease, and grace of my twenty-year-old cat. More I cannot wish you.

  77. Arabella
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    FW: Again in today’s strip we see how poorly Batiuk is “aging” his characters. In the last time warp, Donna was trim and attractive (I remember her riding a motorcycle) and Crazy Harry didn’t look like a bald Santa. And don’t get me started on Funky and Holly. Even if we assume that twenty years have elapsed, these characters should still be in their late 40s. Instead everyone looks to be geriatric.

    I was going to say “looks to be in their 60s” but I’m 60+ and will modestly say that I’ve held up better. Of course I don’t live in the toxic atmosphere of Westview.

  78. Droopy Says
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#63): You can’t get rid of Mark Trail by tossing him in the water. He’s so wooden, he’ll floatback to shore.

    Fortunately, happily and other positive adverbs, we get Sunday Mark Trail in less than ten hours.

  79. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Apeman (#59)

    You will be searching the Worth-verse forever for a person who looks exactly like you!

    If you lived in A3G-land, however, you’d have no problem!

  80. Daniel
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Archie Is this a dig at James Randi? ‘Cause that man got no fashion sense.
    FC I can only come up with Seanbaby’s quotes RE: FC–”this is what happens when an airbag goes off on a little girl’s head … That’s not a punchline — that’s something you tell a neurologist to get him worried.” (http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-family-circus-cartoons-improved-with-dick-jokes_p2/ retrieved 11:29 am PST, Nov. 24, 2012).

  81. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I think Mary is talking about Dr. Jeff. He wants to be “more than friends,” right? Whereas Mary prefers endlessly stringing him along, dragging him off to Santa Royale’s worst restaurants, “saving” him from working in Vietnam or doing anything more interesting than attending her Saturday afternoon mah-jong parties…granted, it’s not as exciting as Aldo’s impatient advances, but no doubt more stimulating for her to see Jeff has “come around” by continually groveling for her attention even after she’s established she doesn’t want to marry him, doesn’t want to have sex with him, and will keep ending their dates with lukewarm handshakes until Judgment Day. What I’m saying is, Mary gets off on humiliating desperate men, and she’s about to start instructing Dawn to follow in her footsteps.

  82. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#76):

    Now, keep in mind that I didn’t say it would be an effective solution. It is just that a viable solution–the easiest one, in fact– is to just add water.

    Mark Trail wouldn’t just float to the shore. He’d ride the highest waves like a riderless surfboard, like the Ghost of the Big Kahuna.

  83. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: “…once he realizes that’s the only kind of coming he’ll get to do.”

    Zits: Honestly and without sarcasm, this is the funniest I can remember Zits being. I think because it’s character humor based on Jeremy in specific, and not a generic kids today plaint.

    FW: Hell, we don’t see much of these two at home. Maybe he does talk about her friends that way.

    C-Shaft: Guys, one of you is fifty or so and the other was around when Rome fell. There’s no dignity in leaving a Dennis Mitchell chocolate halo around your mouths.

    Crock: “You want to hear the story of how I finally got to third base with myself?”
    “Uh, just remembered I have to go scout out enemy territory.”

    9CL: Screw all these ballet and cello weenies. I recommend that Brooke take the first three panels and run with them.

    JP: Salutations from Sam Driver and the Kuato joined to his stomach.

    GA: I thought this was an astronomy club, but the “I want to believe” poster makes me think it’s the 90s Pop Culture Appreciation Society. How many schools have those now?

    DT: Nothing was taken. This wasn’t a robbery, it was a couple trying to put the spice back in their marriage.

    FC: Neither one of these kids understand geometry, of course, but what really stands out is PJ’s smugness.

    Luann: Oh sure, it’s sweet and adorable now*, but wait a few months until Luann’s parents find out she’s pregnant by her laptop.
    *It’s not sweet, nor is it adorable.

    M-Dawg: That’s not a new car. The guy driving it just transported a dead body in the trunk. Hence its appeal to Marmaduke.

    Lockhorns: Leroy was too embarrassed to tell the police he’d been beaten by a mime.

  84. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#79):

    What I heard is that Wilbur wanted Mary to have a three-way with him and a foot-long sub.

    That’s just what I heard.

    He tried to serenade her with the Scooby-Doo theme song music that he played on his ukulele which he sang like one of those 1920s dippity-do dudes that wore straw hats and candy striped jackets, singing Ody-Ote-Do songs like they stepped right out of a Betty Boop cartoon, or something.

  85. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#63):

    A rhino boxing a gorilla! And, Foxy and Mousey have front row seats? Sweet! The gorilla sweat will shower them while the rhino stomps will make them spill their beers!

    It’s only a matter of time before Slylock gets pissed off and eats the jazz-hands referee bunny.

  86. Lynn
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    I got on here specially to say Happy Birthday to Calico. The Sunday ‘Get Fuzzy’ strip contains a special musical tribute to Calico.

  87. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#28):

    A3G: “That makes no sense at all. The Margo Magee I know likes everyone; she’s a veritable font of human kindness and warmth.”

    If there’s another “Manchurian Candidate” remake with Margo in the Raymond Shaw role, that will be a line.

  88. TheDiva
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Wow, I’ve really had trouble posting today. Anyway…

    A3G: “Margo not liking someone? Shenanigans!”

    C’shaft: It’s funny because they’ll get food poisoning and die.

    FW: It’s funny because Crazy Harry is a shut-in and his comic books are the closest thing he has to friends.

    Luann: On the plus side, no YouTube link.

  89. ArchieNemesis
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Why are the aliens in Archie so glum? Shouldn’t they be grinning mischievously at each other as they circle the Earth, undetected and guffawing in superior laughter at our pollution predicament?

    Suicidal, misshapen bodies, no pants — they must be from Ziggy’s home planet.

  90. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Also, I know I’m an old married woman and I’m not, as they say, “with it,” but the phrasing “more than friends” keeps sounding weirder and weirder the more these MW characters keep repeating it. When Jim says, “Dawn, I want to be ‘more than friends!’” he sounds like he’s trying to avoid asking her out, but still wants her to participate in his weekend orgy or wants to videotape her having sex with his dog or something even more hideous. Today’s comic reads the same way, as if Dawn pointedly doesn’t use the words “boyfriend” or “relationship” or “dating” because SHE’S NOT TALKING ABOUT DATING. Seriously, if the strip creators are trying to create the impression that these otherwise-bland characters are leading these breathtakingly sexually deviant lives just off-panel, they can consider me convinced.

  91. Arabella
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#75): There is one FW character who has retained a semblance of her youthful looks – Cindy Summers. And she left Westview long ago. Coincidence?

  92. Baka Gaijin
    November 24th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#82): By any chance, did you have salmon squares at Thanksgiving yesterday? Your post sounds like a recap of some kind of strange food-poisoning nightmare.

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#88): See above.

  93. bats :[
    November 24th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

  94. Chip Whittle
    November 24th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    How does a Dick Tracy character even know when something “sounds crazy”? It’s like Mark Trail thinking, “whoa, that’s a big talking squirrel.”

  95. kanomi
    November 24th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    The last place I would expect to see advocacy for UFO disclosure would be the Archie newspaper comic.

  96. Digger
    November 24th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Judging from their droopy, dead eyes, I’d say these two aliens are their planet’s version of the Lockhorns.

  97. Calico
    November 24th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Aw, thanks all! Your wishes are much appreciated.
    The Aldo recap was the cherry on the sundae!

  98. Fat Bass Turd
    November 24th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#90):

    Baka, did you see Poteet’s sudden clown appearance reaction at
    @Poteet (#24): @Baka Gaijin (#90):

  99. bats :[
    November 24th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#28): nah. Mary encourages us to go for the gusto. (Or is it that I just like to pretend that Mary is as shallow as a pie pan?)

    RMMD: We have established that Delores is human, right? Because it would be awesome if June were being introduced to a sea lion or something the girls found on the beach.

  100. bats :[
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#49): because around these parts, flower vendors wouldn’t stop at just flowers. We were driving by a local cemetery a few years ago, one with a very nice statue of Christ praying in the Garden of Gethsemane that was visible from the road. The passion and pain of Jesus was somewhat dulled by the pinwheel spinning in His clasped hands.
    (And yes, I wish we had taken a picture.)

  101. Spiff Bereft
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: “I’d tell you more but right now I’m eating this butter.”

  102. Liam
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    FC-Two slices bad. Four slices good.

  103. Alison
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: Look at that little smirk on Mary’s face as she remembers Aldo. Shouldn’t this be a traumatic memory?! Not for Mary. She’s all, “Aldo’s dead. Heh heh heh. I remember when he tried to stalk me. Now he’s dead. This is too funny.”

    “Archie”: I too find it hilarious that Reggie is so mad, but it’s also pretty funny that Jughead and Archie seem so pleased with themselves as they announce what they saw. Neither of them is even slightly shaken up after having seen a damn UFO in the sky. All of these people have weird and inappropriate emotions.

  104. Droopy Says
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#80): Mark Trail eternally floating in the oceans, a bit of driftwood that never washes up anywhere. It would be like the Flying Dutchman with Dutch elm disease.

  105. Droopy Says
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#101): Interesting; “weird and inappropriate emotions” is a good way to describe the behavior of clowns. Maybe Riverdale High is actually a clown college.

  106. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#95): Let me add mine. Happy happy birthday. (Joy joy) Earlier I was on a library computer and ran out of time.

  107. Shrug, Kibitzer of Kitties
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#74):

    “@Calico (#50): Happy birthday, and may you grow older with the contentment, ease, and grace of my twenty-year-old cat.”

    And, unlike some of the twenty-year-old cats I’ve known, may Calico not develop gastrointestinal complaints from licking her own fur.

    // At least, lick someone else’s fur. It’s more fun.

    /// Er, that’s what I used to tell my cats, I mean. They rarely listened.

  108. bats :[
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#74): yep, this sounds like a great birthday wish for you, Calico. Please accept it twice, one from Poteet and one from me. :)

    (Does/did your mother inflict the story of the 48-hour labor every year on your birthday? Mine did, and I think I was only 36 hours long…then again, it was in August. In Phoenix.)

  109. Calico
    November 24th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#98):
    I shouldn’t laugh, but ha! Poor Jesus.
    Thanks again all. I hope to have at least a semblance of feline grace as I age.

  110. sully
    November 24th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Mmmmmm, Mmmmm! Mary’s tucking into a fine plate of lamp! Most exciting thing that’s happened in this snore-fest since… since… well, EVER!

  111. Citric
    November 24th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m looking forward to seeing how he’s depicted drinking and driving with just one arm.

  112. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#88):

    Yeah, you were getting caught in the spam filter FOR NO GOOD REASON! I fished out your earlier comments 22 and 24 and put you on the whitelist, so you can probably walk on water and stuff now. Use your new powers for good!

  113. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @Citric (#111):

    You’ve seen baseball caps that hold beer cans on them, with tubes that go down so that the wearer can sip his beer?

    Jim will have a Whiskey Hat.

    //awesome band name, that

  114. Liam
    November 24th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Yes,” Mary replied fondly reliving memories of how she cut Aldo’s brake lines.

    A3G-”Her most trusted assistant”? Please that guy was her only assistant and you and Greg are probably her only clients.

    Lockhorns-”Well he should be ashamed of himself pretending to be funny.”

  115. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#92):

    I didn’t want to bring up Thanksgiving here.
    There were no salmon square sliders on the menu. Usually, my brother, Westward, brings them, but, he came, ate and split early.

    And, of course, little brother, Gung, tried to start a fight.

    I’m glad there were no salmon squares this year. It would have led to bad memories.

    Ha. This gives me a chance to bring up ukuleles again. Unca Don showed up and played a medley of “Tiny Bubbles”, “Stairway to Heaven” and “Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida”.

    Fun times.
    Of course we all sang a rousing version of “Ho Lotta Love”.

    Unca Don can work that uke.

  116. Joshua
    November 24th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#48): My understanding is that the phrase “CONTINUITY? WHAT’S THAT?” is carved over the front door of Archie Comics Publications’ headquarters.

  117. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#116):

    Out of order, and probably misspelled.

  118. Miss Othmar
    November 24th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#51): Happy Birthday!!

    Am I to believe that I am the first person to search out the CNN article that brought you to us?

  119. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#115): I assume your family enjoyed your traditional cream filled chocolate cakes with a pinwheel design.

  120. Baka Gaijin
    November 24th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#115): “Stairway” on a ukelele. That’s some talent.

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#120): Google Stairway to H. and ukulele on youtube. Lots of people do it. Not that it is not very impressive, (and way beyond my own uke skilz).

    // My favorite uke bit of all time is the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain’s refulgent version of The Good, Bad, and the Ugly theme.

  122. demoncat
    November 24th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    mw see marys smile her trip down memory lane and what she did to aldo and what dawn is starting to go through has mary all happy and thinking how soon she will get to add jim to her list of people she has bumped off. jim better get out of town quick since mary has his number now

  123. Chaze
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#71):

    Provincetown. The only place where some guys hold their wives’ hands. “Clutch” may be more accurate.

    “See!!! I’m with my wife!!”

  124. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119):

    //yeah. I was kind of limited in that explanation of Thanksgiving because I couldn’t really think of other puns without insulting my momma.

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#76): Do I remember correctly that your elderly cat thrives on frozen mouse guts? Do you think that would be helpful to an older guy as well?

  126. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#71): +1 internet to you, sir.

  127. Ms. Unit
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    BB: A disaster, huh?
    Let me guess, did the construction sign thing happen again?

  128. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119):

    Well, for the two-tier Ho-ckleberry Pie, the Ho Hos are used to separate each pie. It is tough to decide who will cut the pie, of course. That’s were Gung gets all riled up.

    Suffice to say that the chocolate and cream de artificial go quite well with the Huckleberries.

    But, we say our prayers and our Hosannahs just like any family.

    @Baka Gaijin (#120):

    //that was mainly for contrast with the first song. I thought it would be funny to have two very long songs. If people can play it on a Uke, good for them.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#121):

    That’s a nice version.

  129. Zla'od
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, is Mary Worth breaking the fourth wall with a “sideways glance”? She’s looking at *you*, Josh!

  130. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#125): You are correct and your memory is impressive. My twenty-year-old cat still has beautiful smooth fur and she gets up and down the stairs with no trouble and she can still push a sibling cat out of a warm location if she wants. But her diet does consist partly of thawed frozen mice, which she loves and eats sometimes when nothing else appeals (which is my excuse for buying them — the vet says she needs to keep her weight up).

    Umm. Come to think of it, if I ever see her trying to meddle with the other cats’ personal lives, I will start to worry.

  131. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#125): As to whether frozen mice might help an older guy, hmm, interesting question. I’d want to cook them if I ever tried it myself, like that dude in NEVER CRY WOLF.

  132. Harold
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    The Aldo Kelrast storyline led to this article on CNN, which – somehow – led me to this blog. And so it began.

    http://articles.cnn.com/2006-10-18/entertainment/eye.ent.worth_1_mary-worth-mary-worth-s-flags?_s=PM:SHOWBIZ

  133. Harold
    November 24th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Harold (#132): And by “somehow” I guess I mean this reference:

    But Kelrast, I daresay, struck a nerve. In the molasses-moving world of “Mary,” his appearance was like a breath of fresh methane. Josh Fruhlinger and the fine posters at “The Comics Curmudgeon” agonized over his every appearance. Somebody set up a MySpace page for him. There were even videos lamenting his demise.

  134. endless sky
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Harold (#132): Are you still here, Todd Leopold? Now we have to guess your Mudge de plume.

  135. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#118): I was pointed here by a reference in Newsweek, and I seem to be the only one.

    *note that Newsweek is going out of print at the end of the year*

  136. TheDiva
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#112): Thanks (and apologies for the multiple postings)! Don’t worry, I only use my death ray for peaceful purposes.

  137. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#121): +1 internets to them as well.

  138. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    re Stairway to Heaven.

    I’ve linked this here before, but it’s worth doing again.

    Harp Twins on a Stairway to Heaven.

  139. Miss Othmar
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#135): An Aldo-related reference in Newsweek? Some other mention? Was it in the Josh-Reads-the-Comics days? Do other mainstream publications know that we exist? Can I ask any more questions? Should I do it in boldface?? Did I close my html tag?

  140. fluffy
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    From the producers of The Office and Parks and Recreation comes: THE DISASTER AT CAMP SWAMPY

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#139): Newsweek had a little “what’s hot on the internet” bit back in the day, and it mentioned this site. This was just after Aldomania, if memory serves. It took a couple of days, but once I started reading the comments, I was hooked.

  142. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    its a bit last month, but I was browsing the local market today, and noticed that they had flash drives in pink for BCA.

    I pointed out to the QG that this enabled folks to *right-click* and *save* the ta-tas.

    16G flash drives. my first desk-top had a 20G HD.

    sheesh.

  143. Liam
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    MW-Mary is looking forward to the funeral of another stalker where she will make it all about her and she’ll get to serve her salmon squares.

  144. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#50): That Archie strip is probably a rerun from the 80?s, Reggie said “dweebs”.
    In a superfluous (and deleted) comment, I noted that since they’ve been talking about pollution for three days, the strips must be from about ’91. I’d say the same observation holds true for the strip’s use of 80s slang. Totally tubular.

    @bats :[ (#100): We were driving by a local cemetery a few years ago, one with a very nice statue of Christ praying in the Garden of Gethsemane that was visible from the road. The passion and pain of Jesus was somewhat dulled by the pinwheel spinning in His clasped hands.
    There’s a memory garden in Hampton, VA, with a Jesus statue out front. He has a forward attitude and one hand is up. I photographed him at an angle that looks like he’s directing traffic.

  145. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    They’ll probably find out that Jim’s also a bandit.

  146. Old Folkie
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#139): I found this site thru the comics blog in the Washington Post.

  147. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#141): I remember that! My (now defunct) blog Street Prophets got mentioned by them. Which led to a temporary upsurge in traffic…that dissipated after about 24 hours.

    Oh, well.

  148. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#146):

    I found CC through a Reason.com reference to “… the always on-message Comics Curmudgeon.” Truer words were never spoken.

  149. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#146): I found it by following the breadcrumbs from alt.diediealdokelrastdie.net.

  150. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 24th, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#148): I hate myself for having to look up whether you were bullshitting on that reference. You were not.

  151. Chaze
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    I googled a strip. Can’t remember which one. CC showed up and blew me away with how funny and smart it was. I had to participate, thereby forever lowering the funny and smart quotient of the site.

  152. Leonard
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    BB: This Petraeus scandal is spreading like the plague…

  153. Peanut Gallery
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    I started reading Comics Curmudgeon after it was mentioned in Pearls Before Swine. Ironically, reading CC got me started reading comics on the Internet, which meant that I felt I could stop reading some of the comics I liked least in my local newspaper, with the result that I no longer read PBS. No good deed goes unpunished, eh, Pastis?

  154. Sgt. Stoned
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: It’s going to be difficult, to say the least, for Jim to drink and drive at the same time with only one arm unless…maybe he can set up a “Johnny Walker” IV drip in his car and insert the needle into his one and only arm.

  155. Chaze
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#151):

    Oh yeah, by the way, I made the float on my second week of posting. Hooked forevermore.

  156. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#153):

    I think a lot of folks use CC as a substitute for the comics page, pretty much in alignment with the mission statement “Josh reads the comics so you don’t have to.”

  157. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    I found my way to CC by reasoning that I couldn’t possibly be the only person who hated FBOFW as much as I hated it that week, and then I used Google to see if there were any kindred Foob-dislikers online and suddenly shazzam, I was here. Like Dorothy tapping her slippers together three times, only better.

  158. Miss Othmar
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    I know it was still called “Josh Reads…” when I found it. No idea when that was (Uncle Lumpy, when did the name change happen?) or who recommended it. I was strictly a lurker till I was downsized in 2008 — this community did a lot to make unemployment bearable (and now that I am gainfully employed, I really only post on weekends and national holidays ;-)

  159. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    Well. CC was the only place that seemed to, maybe, possibly, care that Barney Google had not been seen in like fifteen years in a strip that was still named after him.

    // I don’t understand why, but that seemed really important. At the time.

  160. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 24th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    I came here for… a very good reason, I’m sure. Around 2007, I’m pretty sure. For a good reason.

  161. Sequitur
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#121): Loved that Good, Bad and Ugly video. I’m always looking for alternate versions to traditional songs. I like this one. A choir doing their version of Toto’s Africa

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#161): Thank you. All those women are so extraordinarily attractive, too.

  163. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    For me it was a semi-recent discovery. I found it a while ago–a year or two back– but didn’t bother reading the comments. Then sometime in the past year, I woke up, found that there was bourbon-laced wit being passed around in the comments and now I can’t figure out how to leave.

    //i was drinking a lot of bourbon then. That’s all I know for sure. Well, there’s that and that now I am out of bourbon and should get some more.

  164. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#145):

    What will give it away? The wealth of nickels in his left sleeve?

  165. IagoPogo
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    …as long as others are reminiscing: It was my youngest, hippest brother with the droll sense of humor (who also got me hooked on Mafia Wars on Facebook, BTW) who was my introduction to ‘joshreads.com’ – I’ve been an erstwhile fan since then! Happy Thanksgiving weekend and conga-line congrats to the floaters!

  166. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#158):

    I don’t know when that was — compared to you and Poteet, I’m new here. Hang on a minute, though — there’s an entry in the Posts index. ["Dive, dive!"]

    [Sploosh!] January 26, 2005. The same day that “Roadside” was unleashed upon the world.

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#166): Thank you for that. And the “guitar chords made simple ad”. That “G” chord has been bugging me for ages!

  168. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    Alternate Bio titles for the Beetle Bailey book:

    The Full Halftrack.
    Draining Amos.
    Leaks from Amos.
    Full Frontal Halftrack.
    Generals Prefer Bottoms.
    Giant-Sized Gen. Halftrack.
    Three Martini Management.
    Halftrack’s Happy Hour Hijinx: Military Strategy in 20th C. War Fairs that are Fun for the Whole Family

  169. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#168):

    Bio…book…documentary…docu…Tomato…sexist comment…

    it all leads back to not previewing….

  170. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 24th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#166): That post is worth reading for the comments humourlessly defending the strip, if nothing else.

  171. tallyHO
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    oh yeah.

    belated happy birthday, may you have a great year:
    Everybody!

    On an unrelated note:

    Why the hate for For Better or For Worse a.k.a., FOOB*?

    It seems bland and is one of those strips I learned to overlook after a while. Didn’t Charles Schulz get along famously with the person who did/does the strip? I could look that up but I thought that gave the strip a pass, even if that pass was just Let It Go.

    *FOOB, which of course makes me think of a BAR, which makes me whince slightly, to see if the drinking problem has gone away and that I can sip from a glass without incident.

  172. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#171): Not to worry, not to… discuss, without hesitation, repetition, or deviation, for just… one… minute.

  173. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#171):

    Why do (did, really — RIP) people hate FOOB? Here‘s a taste.

  174. hcv
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Kelrast. I came to CC after the Days of Jack and Aldo, but I thought I knew what it was all about, from the back references, and earlier links to a couple of the strips.

    Then I looked at the full retrospective today, and saw that Joel was referring to him as “Mr. Kelrast.” “Cute,” I thought.

    Then as I read on, it quickly became clear: No, that was his actual name.

    Kelrast.

    What the hell?

    I have to think that like naming your daughter “Bambi” or “Tiffani,” whelping a brat into the Kelrast clan pretty much sets your child’s foot on the path of his ultimate destiny.

  175. hcv
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    By the way, did anyone notice, below the first Aldo strip linked to today, this particular Gil Thorp? Apparently there is a long and noble tradition of gymnasts not being impressed.

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been hanging out here for a few years, probably about as long as [Old Man] Muffaroo. From a referring link it seemed like a funny site. First thing I remember seeing here was an incredibly butch woman helping Dick Tracy foil a terrorist and then getting a latte. So yeah, I was hooked.

  177. Sequitur
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    @hcv (#175): DON’t LOOK, POTEET!

  178. Uncle Lumpy
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @hcv (#175):

    The Rubin-McLaughlin Thorps were so awesome.

  179. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @hcv (#175): Per #26, I noticed.

  180. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#177): Thanks — it was too late.

  181. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#157):

    Funny!

    Same thing for me, but it was Mark Trail and nearly every sentence ending in exclamation points, the rest ending in either question marks or ellipses!!……???!!!

  182. Austria
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    ALDO! ALDO! AAAALLLLLDOOOOOOO!!! I didn’t even read the rest of the comics. Who cares? Aldo! Aldo! Aldoooooooo!!!!

  183. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#178): If in my case, the word “terrifying” can be substituted for “awesome,” I agree.

  184. Calico
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @hcv (#174):
    I think Aldo Kelrast is actually an anagram for “A old stalker.”
    (Someone else mentioned this first in 2006; I forget who first posted this)

  185. Poteet
    November 24th, 2012 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#171): I can only speak for me and one other Mudge, but our hate was the greater because we had originally really liked the strip. Ignoring it was not possible after the Elizabeth/Anthony romance got underway. We had to snark. But some Mudges sailed past FBOFW uninterested and unscathed.

  186. tallyHO
    November 25th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#173):

    Wow. That was chock full o’ stuff. Links and links in that one. Just seeing the site reminded me of some stuff. Thanks for the reminder.

    As for For Better or For Worse:

    I did routinely read it, maybe for years but I don’t believe I ever read it for so long that I realized the characters were aging.

    @Poteet (#185):

    I never liked the strip but I never loved it either. I just read it. You know how that goes. It is part of the routine of reading the tolerable comics along with the ones you like.

    I didn’t even know the strip took place in Canada until about 15 minutes ago.
    BTW, as much as I have made fun of Canada a lot in the past week, I don’t hate it and don’t mean to be rude.

    As for the strip, the despising of FOOB seems to have something in common with many things, a lot of comics strips: crack-headed relationships; at least one unlikely, implausible or despicable couple.

    Makes sense. I don’t have any idea of that Anthony guy is though. (My memory of the characters is they all look related and kind of anxious and stressed out. Like they all have moments everyday that include: wiping their brow or mussing their hair and saying, Whew! Glad that’s over!)

  187. tallyHO
    November 25th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#184):

    I’m way late to the Mary Worth Wake Party. So, I only found out about Aldo this year.

    Seeing his full name makes me think less about Pepperoni or Cap’n Kangaroo and more about Ryan Seacrest. I barely know anything about Seacrest so when I see Aldo’s full name, I think of Seacrest with Pepperoni.

    Make it stoooop! The image, it burns!

  188. Uncle Lumpy
    November 25th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#186):

    FOOB — Whew, glad that’s over!

  189. ALee
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    I’m just a lurker, but I’ve been lurking a while now. Can’t really remember when I first started reading, since I went back to read all the posts. It took about three months, I think (sans comments, don’t have that much time)! It’s the comments that keep me coming back now…

  190. Droopy Says
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#171): I wouldn’t say I ever hated FOOB; that wouldn’t have been worth the effort, a term which I’m sure Lynn Johnston used every day when she drew the strip. I started to feel contempt for FOOB back when it did the ever-so-pioneering story about the gay kid. Part of it had to do with the way it raised the issue, had the kid kicked out of the house–then changed the subject, and the next time we saw him, everything was fine at home. Okay, how did he get from “locked out” to “fine”? And why couldn’t the kid have been one of the Patterfoobs? That way the issue can’t get swept under the rug when it demands some actual storyteling.

    Next, Liz-or-Aper gets stalked and almost mugged. Except she gets saved just in time, and the bad guy goes to jail. No ER visits or therapy for a victim. Aper-or-Liz goes off to be a teacher in a vilage, has various career and romantic possibilities, then comes safely home to Blandthony. Mikey becomes an overnight best-selling author, and runs into a fucking burning building to rescue his fucking manuscript, and one fireman kinda notices he was a fucking idiot to do that. Sonme idiot god watches over these people for no discernible reason, other ythan that nothing can go wrong in their lives. With smElly at the center of it all, it’s like Jugs Parker with Cooper’s droop.

    Plus, there’s that last-panel thing where all the bobbleheads laugh at a feeble joke. It’s a visual thing that says: “The management reminds you that a joke has been told. Your laughter is appropriate at this point.” Yeah, that I hate.

  191. Droopy Says
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Pissy Peter Parker came all the way to Vegas because he suspects Kraven will commit a crime, and he’s just stunned that Jameson suspects that Spiderman will commit a crime. (Well, he has a point. Jameson, grow up: when does Spiderman get that active?)

    Family Circus: If there’s a moderate-to-major earthquake anywhere in the lower 48 today, we’ll know where Grandpa Keane is buried.

    Jugs Parker: Bea, you worry me. You just saw Avery risk his life for a picture, and you wonder if he might not be entirely sane? He’s crazy. And the thought that Sam thinks avery is the sanest person he knows speaks volumes about Judge Parker and company.

    Mar’ma’duq: “Vhy not leave der Hellhunde out in das snow?” asks Phil Hitler. “It vorked so vell mit der Sixth Army at Stalingrad!” (Seriously, for once I’m with the dog on this one. Sled dogs enjoy the snow, but your typical sububan pet shouldn’t be left out overnight in freezing weather.)

    Shoe: This joke would work if we saw actual humans once in a while, and if “hunting season” and “last call” had anything to do with one another. Brookins, your mix-and-match technique doesn’t work for humor.

  192. tallyHO
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#190):

    Okay. So it is more than just one weird relationship. I should have guessed as much.
    I guess for me I never developed a taste for an aggravating strip that people like.
    Even the ones which I read and make fun of don’t get my goat. I guess I’m just amazed that writers/artists get away with it.

    Granted, some characters, particularly Les Moore, come across as annoying. So, I think I get where the loathing comes from. To me, every one of these things and every strip that has ever been are just cartoon things. For whoever is making them to take them too seriously messes it up for me. You can’t keep it real in a comic strip because it is a cartoon. It is best to be funny or just realize how absurd being serious actually is.

    Oh well. Onward and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

  193. Calico
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#154):
    Jim would make a shitty mainliner.

  194. tallyHO
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#191):

    Ah! So another thing is learned today. Brookins does “Shoe”, too. I never realized that. But, now that I do….ew.

    BOING!
    Wurble Wurble Wurble

    Glug Glug Glug
    GarRRRrrRRRRrrggggle Washa Swisha Washa
    Spit!
    Splat!

    Eeeyoooowheet!
    PLOP!
    Tinkle linkle linkle.

    Whew!

  195. Droopy Says
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#194): Shoe has three names on it. I think it started as Gary Cassutt’s strip, but it has the same lack of style and humor as Pluggers, so as far as I’m concerned Brookins owns it.

    (I wish we had an edit function here. I triple-checked my spelling and grammar, but odds are I’ll miss something again.)

  196. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 25th, 2012 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    What I don’t understand is that gesture Dawn is making in the first panel. Why would she be doing that? What could it possibly mean? Is she throwing a handful of salt over her shoulder to ward off bad luck or something?

  197. Droopy Says
    November 25th, 2012 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#192): Everyone can name a lot of strips that they enjoy without irony. The real reason we hate strips like [insert despised name here] is because when we read a story, we want to care about the characters. Stories play on our social instincts; a character is like a simplified version of a real person, with the focus placed on the character’s strengths and weaknesses. We want to see how they deal with problems that play on those qualities. We want a happy ending, or at least a thought-provoking ending, and we want the path to that ending to make sense. When a strip doesn’t deliver, time after time, it begs to be mocked. (Oh, look, Avery will get Bea. Why is that supposed to be good? Avery needs a caretaker, not a lover.)

  198. Little A.
    November 25th, 2012 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: This is has been said before here on the site many times (that’s redundant): I can’t follow what is going on, I can tell the three women apart most of the time, but the men all look alike and dress like car test dummies from about 1960. Maybe they are car test dummies from 1960. The plots are awful and stupid, the drawing stinks. Why do we torture ourselves by looking at this strip every day? Why hasn’t it been dropped by every newspaper that still carries it? How many papers still carry it? Why am I wasting part of my life by reading it and commenting?

    By the way a few years ago I asked a question which, to the best of my memory, nobody answered: how can we find out for each strip, how many newspapers actually carry it? Are these numbers available someplace? Happy Thanksgiving to all snarkers, by the way.

  199. lynn
    November 25th, 2012 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#158): How strange! I only post when I am at work, meaning you’ll never see me here on a Saturday. Why should I waste my only day off on goofing around on the internet? I have yardwork to do – hey, kid, get off my lawn!

    Am I the only one who found out about this site when Josh was on Jeopardy? I remember Trebek wincing when Josh wanted to read out the URL. I googled it the next morning (when I got to work).

    Also, I can’t believe all these posts and not one vulgar comment on someone being a good enough friend to “come around” – much better than “coming across” I guess.

  200. Chaze
    November 25th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#199):

    I tend to post during whenever I take my lunch, which on some days is never. And then there are days when nothing in particular from the strips grabs my attention and I focus on other mudge’s posts. The long ones test my ADD, so I tend to enjoy the snappy one-liners more.

    The first site where I honed my posting skill was Deadspin, which is a sports site not unlike CC. Very funny. ESPN is the FOOB of Deadspin.

  201. hcv
    November 25th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#195):

    Shoe has three names on it. I think it started as Gary Cassutt’s strip

    It actually started as the late, great Jeff MacNelly’s strip. My memory is that it was reasonably decent back then.

  202. Dale
    November 25th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#200):

    The posts I usually skip are the long lists of one-liners.

  203. Brunellus
    November 25th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    I think the disaster was shown in part on 10/3/06.

  204. Hart of Johnny
    November 25th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Aldomania was already six years ago? Damn.

  205. hcv
    November 25th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @hcv (#174):

    “Joel”? Josh. Sorry, Josh.

  206. 3D
    November 26th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    I started reading this blog in the middle of the Aldo Kelrast storyline and I can’t believe it has been over 6 years already, either. Jesus.

  207. AndyL
    November 26th, 2012 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    That’s not how you draw a stripy sweater. That is a sweater with three pieces of electrical tape.

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