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Or maybe Dawn is putting up barriers against her true, awful love

Mary Worth, 11/29/12

You know how you can tell you’re in a good psychology program? When your professor has written all kinds of psychology-y stuff on the whiteboard. “Um, ego, id … crap, what’s the third one? I know there’s a third one. Is it dreams? That doesn’t sound right, but half of every lecture is taken up by dumb nineteen-year-olds asking me to interpret their anxiety and/or sex dreams, so I might as well write that up there. Now, Freud and Jung … which one was played by Viggo Mortensen and which by Michael Fassbender? Gotta remember to look that up later.”

You know how else you can tell you’re in a good psychology program? When your professor’s lecture makes you visualize the angry, controlling, emotionally damaged young man whose romantic feelings you don’t reciprocate and think “I wish I could break down his barriers and make him love me — but only as a friend.”

Archie, 11/29/12

The Western calendar, derived as it is from ancient Roman and Egyptian models and tweaked over the centuries to match our increasingly accurate measurements of the earth’s revolution around the sun, contains months of varying lengths, leap days subject to complex rules, and a weekly cycle that doesn’t match up exactly with either the monthly or yearly cycles. This actually makes writing calendaring code a fairly tricky computer programming problem! Nevertheless, the rules for Thanksgiving are relatively simple — it’s the fourth Thursday in November, not the last Thursday, which means that someone on the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 programming team seems to have made something of a goof.

Crankshaft, 11/29/12

hate contempt rage bitterness misguided attempts to please a mother who can never feel love HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ALL OF US IN THE FUNKYVERSE, EVERYBODY

288 responses to “Or maybe Dawn is putting up barriers against her true, awful love”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe Is Old and Busted
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Curtis

    Translation: Barry’s willy is cold as ice. And he needs a double-layer of socks to warm it up. The fact that Barry sleeps nude from the waist down has long been a bone(r) of contention between Curtis and his younger brother…

  2. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    A3G: Is there some new trend for hip Manhattanites to back into rooms? Right up there with walking around holding a picture frame around one’s face, I guess.

    ASM: Here’s what I learned from today’s strip: You don’t want to be sitting next to Peter and JJJ during a show. Where are all the dialogue balloons from the audience members going, “Sssshhhh!”?

    FC: Santa’s ignoring you so much that you can safely go on that sibling killing spree you’ve been planning. Feel free to start any time.

  3. Tim
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I’m an actor – I shouldn’t be so easy to read. Yes, I’m just a flat affectless actor. It’s pretty much the same skillset as a pro poker player, only you wear an electric blue suit and a yellow tie instead of sunglasses and a grey hoodie.”

  4. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: Actually, shouldn’t actors be easy to read, I mean, unless you’re trying to be the next Keanu?

    Phantom: Do we really need a flashback of an animal being tranquilized literally in the middle of a scene where an animal is being tranquilized to establish that an animal is being tranquilized? Is Karen Moy writing this strip now?

  5. Chareth Cutestory
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Archie: Riverdale, where its OK for teenagers to walk around with shotguns.

  6. Froggy
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn is so focused on the lecture by Dr. Fred Jung, world-renowned stalker therapist (he treated Aldo!), that she’s neglected to notice that One-Armed Jim is sitting right next to her in class.

  7. sporknpork
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    What’s more screwed up: Veronica wanting to hold a freshly killed turkey corpse for no reason or Archie bringing a loaded weapon to campus?

  8. Mibbitmaker
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Cranky in Crankshaft.

    Archie: “Archiekins isn’t a cold-blooded killer? How disappointing!”

    MW:
    p.1: I may’ve had an ego id dream once….
    p.2: “Oh, just great! Now my lower half is dismembered, too! …And it’s YOUR fault, Weston!”
    Hey, at least he can now have a role in A3G!

  9. Little Blue Bicycle
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    MW: The Psych professor is at the front of the room, yet he appears to be behind his desk, and meanwhile the class is facing ninety degrees to his left instead of looking at him. I take it that Moy and Giella never attended college to see an actual classroom?

  10. Widdle Jeffey
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Santa is not watching you.

    Satan on the other hand. . .

  11. Izzy
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft will now be travelling backward in time, day by godforsaken day, in the slowest form of agony possible, until we reach the Start of Crankiness.

  12. Johnny Knuckles
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Like the educators at Santa Royale Tech, I’m going to rearrange my classroom so all the students face the wall. Their “disorientation facilitates learning” approach is intriguing.

  13. Liam
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Archie-It was cold up there. It’s not like we slept with each other to keep warm. We just had sex with each other.

    MW-Dawn, Jim is a crazy man who needs professional help not your dime store psychology.

    Slylock Fox-Why is he hanging wallpaper and not laying down carpet?

    JP-Peaches, hates guys that are fast. She likes to take things slow.

    JP 2-The last time Peaches let a guy take a shot he shot cum in her eye.

  14. Liam
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft-Is the storyline of Cranky trying to solve the Squirrel Question over?

  15. seismic-2
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Archie: There’s a “turkey ranch” where you can go to shoot your own turkeys? If it’s a ranch, doesn’t that mean the turkeys are fenced in, so the hunters aren’t actually “hunting” the turkeys so much as they are simply gunning them down? Wasn’t that once a Mark Trail story line? Is someone running for Governor, and does some person or critter get kicked?

  16. Mibbitmaker
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Darkgate Crankshaft: The still-stagnant lawnmowing strip has now made it to the Great Depression (1929 hours plus…).

    Big deal — in Battyland, everything is a great depression!

  17. Dood
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Can we all chip in and get Ed Crankshaft a string of mini-LEDs to festively light up his Herb and Jamaal-like logoed but logoless hat?

  18. Dagger
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    The AJGLU-3000 can’t help it. It cranked out Archie’s first appearance on December 22, 1941 and it wasn’t until four days later that Congress passed the act establishing Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday of November.

  19. S. Stout
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Archie: The AJGLU 3000 programming team? They were killed years ago, had something to do with hibernation and pod bay doors.

    MW: “Oh Jim…wait, what did he look like? Well, I remember him as angry, and he had one arm…wait, was he missing legs too? Hmm…yeah I believe so. No legs, one arm, always angry. Just kinda floated around. Oh Jim, my teacher is right, I will have sex with you!

    Luann: And so begins the “Luann does sexual acts to her laptop” storyline. Evans appears to be writing about what he knows in the new and improved Luann.

  20. Liam
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Archie-You would know about frozen things wouldn’t you, Veronica.

  21. Dood
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Dawn things of Jim while in psychology class. “Yep, he’s crazy.”

  22. Christopher
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Archie: Aside from the fact that the turkey Veronica is holding has no visible gunshot wounds and still has its head, which suggests it was choked, probably by Archie who has years of experience choking chickens, the color of the turkey suggests it’s already been baked. Then frozen. That was probably done by Jughead, who’s also baked.

  23. pugfuggly
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    MW “What?? Don’t you psychology ME, Dawn! AAAAAaaaAAAArrgh! JIM SMASH! JIM SMASH!!!”

    Archie “Hey, this turkey is frozen! And still feathered! Also, it’s not a turkey. Where on earth did you find a store selling unplucked, frozen mystery birds?”

    FW ‘Like most creatures of the night, mom abhors bright lights and merriment. This should keep her away until mid January!!!”

  24. Liam
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Archie-And after the turkey ranch the boys went over to the Chicken Ranch and shot something else.

    MW-I like how Jim looks in that last panel like he’s threatening Dawn.

  25. Clint Brawny
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Archie: looks like that “frozen” turkey has been cooked to a golden brown.

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    9CL: somewhere, a unicorn is faceplanting on a Bosendorfer.

    Luann: Toni teaches Luann how to schlick to a streaming webcam.

    Bizarro: The Far Side did it better.

    MG&G: YOLO, unclear on the concept.

    Ghost: roofies, in the Bandar tongue.

    RwO: guest-starring half of the Didactic Duo.

    6Cx: they’re usually called “Long Island Ice Teas.”

    Retail: at least she’s honest about it.

  27. Dood
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Archie: Is the joke that Archie and Reggie have both gone full-on Ted Nugent to Veronica and Betty’s wang dang sweet you-knows?

  28. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . a dick in her box.

  29. Greg
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Veronica: “Did you boys shoot a turkey?”

    “Yeah. And I found this grinning corpse in the snow, too!”

    “Let’s put sunglasses on him, prop him in the window, and make a movie about it!”

  30. Leonard
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Luann: Yep, this is the first time I threw up a little inside after reading a comic strip.

  31. Pozzo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    “Dawn thinks of Jim while in Psychology class.” Is this a step forward or backward from her usual thoughts of “Life is brutal” in Psychology class? Discuss.

  32. Lowell
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Archie, but it’s cold… and it’s actually a freakishly elongated chicken… and it still has its head and feet… neither “turkey hunt” NOR “super-market” seem to be viable explanations. A genetic research lab? Hades? Chinatown? I’m stumped.

  33. The Ghost of Jarrod
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#15):

    Archie – I thought that too. Is this supposed to be like one of those places where Vice President Cheney shot an old guy in the face?

    -

    Luann – “Also, body glitter? Astroglide? Urine? Honey?”

    JP – “Sure, I’ll let your neophyte author write the script. It makes as much sense as anything else going on in this strip. Here’s a bazillion dollars.”

    ReFOOB – All men are lying, cheating pigs who suck.

    PBSInured is a great word.

  34. seismic-2
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MW: In the aftermath of their mutual, but separate, maritime disasters, Dawn’s lets-just-be-friends dreams about Jim portray him as someone who is frozen waste deep in an iceberg, floating angrily in the ocean and pointing at her. In these dreams, is Dawn the Titanic? Will Jim’s iceberg breach Dawn’s hull? Is this a psychology class in “Dreams that No Sane Person Would Admit to Having, Ever”?

  35. seismic-2
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#34): Er, “waist”. But “waste” applies to so much of this story arc anyway that I’ll just let it stand.

  36. Gabacho
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Apt 3G – Professor Ari is crushing way hard on Gary. For some reason, I thought the prof was straight and then I thought “Why do I have opinions about the sexual orientation of poorly presented soap comics characters?”

    Then I thought about Jim, Dave, Drew and Dawn.

    Mary Worth – Hey, Dawn, you know who else “put a wall” to test you? Dave… I bet he just wanted to see if you cared enough to stalk him a bit. Oh, and Dr. Drewchebag Cory has paid his dues in Vietnam and is back in Santa Royale. Maybe his dumping you for Vera was just his way of testing you. Yeah, stalk him too. Stalk them all, Dawn, stalk them all. One of them is bound to love you like you need to be loved.

    So as the psychologistic professor guy might say, “Don’t think. Just be.” Or at least that’s what I imagine him saying.

  37. Liam
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Luann-Also I took some intimate photos for Quill and I accidentally emailed them to everyone on my contact list. Can you help me get them back?

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Scottish Deerhound, being scruffy.

    Labradors, hard working and eager to please.

    ASM + Poteet.

    No, no, NO! That is their LEAST vulnerable point. You’re thinking Zombies.

    For the Stay-At Home ‘mudge moms.

    Life of Pi, close enough!

    extra floptacular puppeh. (two month old Neapolitan mastiff.)

    Adventure corgi. (alt: deal with it!)

  39. Hibbleton
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    MW: For Dawn, the problem becomes clear. Jim sees the ocean as a pool of Dip™, a comic character’s worst nightmare.

    Archie: Where can you buy a plucked, frozen chicken that hasn’t been cleaned and dressed?

  40. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MW – Later, Dawn thinks of Jim in her World Literature class.

    “He will never forgive me for ripping off his arm in that meadhall. And I probably only made things worse when I broke into his cave and killed his mother … wait … what was the text again? Oh. Sigh. Jim will never forgive me for stealing his slave girl. I guess I will have to go and sulk in my tent while watching Game of Thrones. Literature is brutal.”

  41. Zerowolf
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MW: Or they could just be obsessive, manipulative control freaks with an incest fetish.

  42. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    3G – Today’s strip, with the apparent randomness of the characters and their movements prompted me to try the “Zoom” button to see if any of the art choices make any more sense that way. I can report that zooming does, indeed, make the strip larger.

    PCK – “No. Let’s find a store/restaurant that’s playing 50s-70s Christmas songs.” #ThingsYouNeverHear (my tweet from earlier in the week)

    9 – Jesus Blagojevich Christ, isn’t it Saturday yet?

  43. Johann Sebastian Cock
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Oh Betty. (Or Veronica; I never learned which was which.) Hunting isn’t what happens at “The Turkey Ranch.” It’s a whorehouse, sweetie.

  44. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Luann – More insight into how barren Toni’s inner life must be, as she clings excitedly to every word of Luann’s story. “Wow! You kissed the monitor! Y’know, I tried to kiss B-Wad once, and he started screaming for his mommy. Then, when I told him it was OK, he could go all the way if he wanted, he humped against my back for 3 minutes and went to sleep.”

    Oh, Luann? Talking about lipstick won’t fool anyone. Your lips are still attached to your face and haven’t formed a detached, beak-like structure floating in front of your mouth. That means you are still a virgin, and everyone knows it.

  45. mojo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MW: I must admit, Dawn’s psycho friend Jim has gestured more with his one remaining arm these past few weeks than I have with TWO arms and nearly fifty years of living. Granted, they have almost ALL been “I’m going to KILL you!” gestures, but still, way to cope with your recent disability, Jim!

  46. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Dick – Oh, bravo, you guys. This is superdickery of the highest order. Seriously. Now I’m wondering what Dagwood’s superhero costume would look like.

    love is… …ceremonial gift offerings for the dead.

    Mark – Wow! That shark really dominates the panel. He seems to be twenty or thirty times as big as the boat. I take it that means he’s (checks slide rule) six inches long? A foot? About the size of an average European squirrel?

  47. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Johann Sebastian Cock (#43):

    No, you are thinking of the Chicken Ranch next door. The Turkey ranch is actually a respectable …. oh … oh no! … oh god! … you didn’t? … OH THE HUMANITY! THAT’S NOT WHAT TURKEY BASTERS ARE FOR! THAT’S NOT WHAT THEY ARE FOR!!!!

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    NancyGuys, [*] remember your quota. If you don’t mention “three rocks” every day, you’re going to have to mention it like five times on Sunday. Again.

    Phantom – From the look on Ghost-who-giggles-inappropriately’s face, and the wavy panel borders, I’d say the Bandar medicine is just kicking in. Next: The Phantom looks at his hand. I mean, really looks. At his hand.

    Spider-Man – Wait! I get it now: Sherry, Moe, and Curly!

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Somehow manage to find jerkwater thorps and dorps to live in where rotary service is not only possible, but probably compulsory. Up to last year, you could still rattle the hook and ask “Maude” to hook you up with the feed store, but she retired to Shreveport to look after her mom, and they never replaced her.

    Popeye – Well, I predicted the father was going to be a little shrimp, and totally forgot to make any prediction for this guy. One more strike, and I’ll have to become a political pundit.

  50. Zerowolf
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#5): Riverdale is supposedly based on Haverhill, MA. With a shotgun, Archie is likely the least armed student on the campus.

  51. Stev0
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    So what today’s Mary Worth is telling us: All in all, he’s just another prick with a wall.

  52. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Archie: I think today is actually “Lincoln’s Thanksgiving”. I read that in Lincoln’s time, it was the last Thursday in November, not the 4th. Since the initial programming for the ALGU3K was written in that era, the timing of the turkey shoot in the strip makes sense. Abraham Lincoln: President, vampire hunter, proto-hacker.

  53. btown
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Typo in the first panel. Narration box should read “Dawn sits next to Jim while in psychology class.

    And in panel 2, we see the spitting image of someone who “cares enough to break them down”.

  54. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#y255): I’m really enjoying Daniel Craig as 007. I also rate Lazenby’s one outing highly — it was refreshingly free of, well, kitsch and in-jokes. Plus, Diana Rigg; sigh.

    @Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker (#y261): I can confidently vouchsafe that it’s not Firesign Theatre. I wouldn’t put it past Cheech and Chong, though that still doesn’t answer the question of who wrote it. Change it to “semprini” and it’s Monty Python.

    @Sequitur (#y269): Zappa’s brat kid pulled out and ruined an expensive toilet mechanism.
    It’s true! Dweezil stripped my flush!

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#y272): All these words figure somewhere in the vast science of psychology. What you don’t seem to realize is that this class only meets once, so they try to cover the entire field in a four-hour session, leaving out a lot of stuff. The final’s a bitch.

  55. TheDiva
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Several of my relatives, I’ve noticed, have gotten less enthusiastic about decorating their houses as they get older, due to things like not wanting to cope with the hassle and leaving hosting duties to the younger generations. Rose takes it one step further–if she doesn’t see the point of decorating nobody else should, especially if they derive any joy from it.

    MW: I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Mary Worth is advocating Dawn not giving up on the volatile, dead-sister-obsessed creeper.

  56. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @May Poole-Bower (#4): Phantom: Do we really need a flashback of an animal being tranquilized literally in the middle of a scene where an animal is being tranquilized to establish that an animal is being tranquilized? Is Karen Moy writing this strip now?
    If Walks-Like-This and Walks-Like-That spend the next two weeks discussing (over gazelle squares) how it was good that they tranquilized that old lion with Bandar pharmaceuticals, punctuated with homey wisdom from Bartlett’s Shorter Familiar Bandar Quotes, then Karen Moy is writing the strip now.

    @Froggy (#6): Jeez, you’re right! She won’t notice until he drops his pencil.

  57. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MW: I like the way Dawn is thinking sensitively about her paramour, Jim in panel 1. Then we get the visual of the angry, pointing Jim in panel 2. “Pay attention in class, you idiot!”

  58. btown
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Introducing weapons is the greatest development in Archie comics in its entire 68 year history. It’s about time!

  59. Mibbitmaker
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38):

    During a moment in Craig Ferguson’s monologue…

    CRAIG: “Did you see the “squee” post today on the Curmudgeon? Queek — heh — put up a picture labeled ‘Scottish Deerhound, being scruffy’. Yes. And, of course, I’m [patented Craig Ferguson 'naughty' voice] ‘Scottish Talk Show Host, being slutty’! [patented Craig Ferguson 'naughty' look] [/voice, look] Geoff…?”

    GEOFF: “That’s you Craig: hard working and eager to please!”

    CRAIG: “[look, voice again] You know it, girlfriend!”

    etc. etc…

  60. Zla'od
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MW: The prof has a goatee all right, but where’s his pipe? Anyway, Dawn seems to be dreaming in class, and the one-armed man represents her id (or as Jung would say, the shadow archetype). Mary, of course, is the superego (or crone archetype). Tune in tomorrow for more exciting transference / countertransference / individuation!

  61. Literate Dead
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh, Elrod, you got your word bubbles all mixed up… Don’t worry, I fixed it!

  62. Austria
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Arch: “Did you boys shoot your own turkey at the turkey ranch?” “No, we shot our own ostrich at the turkey ranch. Seriously, Betty, how do you even get dressed in the morning?”

    FC: Hahahahaha foolish melonhead Santa is always watching

    FW: I really hope this was on purpose…it’s “light at the end of the tunnel,” Funky, “light at the end of the tunnel.” Rainbows ARE light.

    MW: I don’t think we have to worry until the professor starts talking about Freud Jung.

  63. Mibbitmaker
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke, erasing the line between ‘cute’ and ‘cross-dressing? uh-oh, Brooke’s getting all fetishy again!’

    FW: No Crankshafting, Funky! NO CRANKSHAFTING!!

    HotC: Hey, it’s the “I wanna Easter egg, I wanna Easter egg” kid from that Bugs Bunny cartoon!

    Luann: “Oh, you mean ‘creepy’!”

    Glibporn: Well, here we go again! Really, Brooke, there must be a qualified shrink nearby…

    Popeye: Ross Perot?!

    RMMD: “It’s ‘moops’! MOOPS!”

  64. TheDiva
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    FW: Damn, Funky, scared Les will take the Biggest Asshole trophy this year?

    Luann: So, the next several weeks will be several characters trying to convince us this plot development is sweet and romantic, huh?

    Pibgorn: Brooke’s Petty Revenge, Part Two (of Five Hundred)

    SM: Maybe Spider-Man will defeat Kraven by exposing his flagrant disregard for safety regulations! (How’s that for irony?)

  65. Mibbitmaker
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    I’m going to rewrite the 9CL comment, to make it tighter…

    Brooke McEldowney, erasing the line between ‘cute’ and ‘uh-oh, Brooke’s getting all fetishy again!’

  66. btown
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    chickweed:
    Friday: girl is wearing a jockstrap; guy is wearing a bra
    Saturday: girl is wearing a condom; guy is rocking a tampon

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Professor Edward Mulhare applies the lessons of the class’ official text, “The Collected Wisdom of Ask Wendy.”

    Archie: Archie and Reggie insisted on a frozen turkey with the head and some of the feathers still attached. The grocer probably assumed they would use it as some kind of sexual prop.

    MT: Surprisingly enough, the sharks aren’t talking. They do seem to be angling (CWIDT?) for a spinoff, however.

    WofI: “I just stole a punchline from Dogbert and got away with it. Woo hoo!”

    JP: In the last panel it looks like he’s assuring Peaches that if she agrees to sleep with Alan Parker, she’ll at least know it will be over soon.

    GA: Good point. Why give advance warning to the people you’re trying to poison?

    H&L: After a few nights of those dreams where he’s armwrestling Justin Bieber shirtless, Ditto figures it’s time to step back for a breather.

    DT: If you wondered what Dick would look like if he shared a costume designer with Klaus Nomi, wonder no more.

    6C: I wouldn’t have really expected Anne Gibbons to mine humor from blackout binge drinking. Is this some kind of sorority flashback?

    S-M: “And the other chimp has a medical kit to treat her dislocated shoulder. It’s amazing!”

    Marvin: Bobblehead? Nah, the Marvin merchandising deal fell through.

    A3G: “An actor is supposed to be blank and expressionless, right? That’s what my acting coach used to say. Come to think of it, most of his other students dropped out.”

  68. Nekrotzar
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MW: The artist penciled in the word DREAMS after EGO and ID, after the editors at the syndicate rejected the first version, which said PENIS.

  69. Ned Ryerson
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

  70. wossname
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Slylock – In panel 1, the paper hanger screwed up by hanging the sections vertically when they should be horizontal. In panel 2, he screwed up by hanging them horizontally when they should be vertical.

    DT – Hey, what happened to the breathtakingly fast pace? I want to know why Broadway and Belle are so horrified of cosplay that they moved to Chicago to escape it. I don’t care about banter at the Tracy breakfast table.

    Kevin & Kell – even more win than usual!

    SG – Now wait a minute. I’m kind of vague on my zombie lore, but can you get ride of zombies simply by shooting them? Don’t they just spring back to life? I thought you had to cut their heads off or something. Or am I confusing them with vampires?

  71. Mibbitmaker
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#62): That’s the sound a car makes when you’re trying to start up the reluctant vehicle, as it’s gunning for a series of half-seconds, rocking back and forth slightly as you try in vain to get moving:

    freuuuudJUNG! freuuuudJUNG! freuuuudJUNG! freuuuuuuuuuuud!!JUNG!……

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#62):

    FC: Hahahahaha foolish melonhead Santa is always watching

    And you’d better not forget it.

  73. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#9) & @Johnny Knuckles (#12): To be fair, Santa Royale Drive-Thru College has had its funding slashed ever since the city lost its nest-egg after pool party derivatives crashed.

    @Dagger (#18): I know that ENIAC required 1800 square feet of floor space and 150 kW of electricty, but what did the first AJGLU need? A card table and a hand-cranked magneto?

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#56): What is the Bandar equivalent of a pool party?

    MW: Dawn, when your professor says that Jim wants you to break down his walls, he really means that Jim wants you to peg the shit out of him, like, with a donkey-dick dildo. By surprise.

  74. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Maybe it’s Dawn who is putting up walls, trying to keep Jim out. And there’s Jim’s astral projection, busting down those walls with a finger of full fury! “I shall have you, Dawn Weston, you little minx!”

  75. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#70): Romero’s seminal (now stop that!) “Night of the Living Dead” established the “shoot ‘em in the head” rule re: zombies. They should stay down after a good headshot.

  76. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Phantom is having a vivid flashback of Guaran tranquilizing an elephant. Too bad he couldn’t have had a vivid flashback of Guaran mixing the tranq juice. See, that would have been helpful.

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Stev0 (#51): *standing ovation*

  78. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): re: RwO: What I want to know is, whom do I see about getting my firearm?

  79. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Veronica: I certainly wouldn’t mind holding this animal recently shot dead. Please, hand it to me since there is no chance that any bodily fluids will drip on to my expensive angora sweater and silk skirt.

  80. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Kraven: He foils crimes! He trains animals! He scores with the ladies! He has a great show! He’s everything that Spiderjerk is not!

    Is he evil only because the protagonist doesn’t like him? Would that make Kraven the Ann Eiffel of this strip?

  81. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#62): Batiuk knows when he’s making a pun or malapropism. Trust me, he is aware and smirking about it. They may not be funny, but they are on purpose. (In many ways, they are the textual/verbal equivalent of breaking wind. They may be involuntary for the characters, but — as with farting animals in CG features — they are the product of intentional scripting.)

  82. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Crank: Rose, you call that a complaint? They decorate the house for Christmas?? What the f**k is that? Get on the program, old woman! You’re not even malaproping. Listen to me, I’m the Mac-Daddy of all complaints! My garden has been overrun by global worming! Damn kids don’t hear my bus ‘cuz they’re listening to their i-packs! My hemmoroids are a real pain in the ass! Ok, that’s not a malaprop, but it’s true.

  83. Bud
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    I don’t know about the students’ perspective, but I know from the teaching side of things that if my class includes Peppermint Patty, Betty Cooper, and that Russian boxer from Rocky IV, then I sure as hell don’t need to worry about MY Super Ego.

  84. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#80):

    Is he evil only because the protagonist doesn’t like him?

    That would mean that Newspaper Spider-Man is actually groundbreakingly subversive meditation on power, perception, and the power of perception from the perspective of a petulant, antihero* protagonist who little deserves the power Fate has afforded him — as opposed to a half-assed comic strip cranked out by two dotty old men who plumb forgot made their own creation so great in the first place.

    *Perhaps “non-hero” or “sub-hero” or would be more accurate?

  85. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    “You know how you can tell you’re in a good psychology program?”
    When the goateed prof wears a plaid sweater vest and reading glasses, maybe? I took a psych course or two in college. The course content was useless enough such that if those were the only prereqs to teaching, I couldn’t tell the difference.

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#78): didn’t you take notes when that gal in MW was trying to get one?

    I sure didn’t.

  87. Tim
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    I am more concerned that Archie has a gun more than anything else in this strip.

  88. qorl
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Wow, I laughed a bit at the Archie strip, unironically. Should I be ashamed?

  89. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#54): That condom joke made an appearance on The Golden Girls, but I’m sure that wasn’t its first appearance.

  90. Droopy Says
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#80): Kraven just used Showgirl Sherry as a nerf ball. That makes him . . . kinda villainous, or maybe just a schmuck. It’s hard to say, because Parker likes to grab passers-by at random and sling them through the air, too. I’m reduced to measuring them by other standards. Kraven works, dresses inappropriately and expected Parker to work when he was holding a mop. Parker grins like an idiot, lays about and comes up with goofball plans. Yeah, Ann Eiffel and TJ. You called it.

  91. Evan
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    The idea of a “Shoot-your-own Turkey Ranch” violate just about every tenet of hunter ethics, but fortunately the boys have, apparently, purchased a frozen, pre-plucked bird that oddly retains both head and feet in stark contrast to common normative American meat sales practices.

    I’m beginning to suspect that the folks at Archie(tm), LLC, Esq, NPR, have no idea what they’re doing.

  92. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    I have to say, I actually laughed at Garfield today. I think I must need a vacation. Next, I’ll be defending Evans and Batiuk! (I just realized when I looked in the mirror this morning that I have the same troll-like visage and pig snout that Luann has in the second panel. For those of you not distracted by Toni’s anatomically improbable camel toe.)

  93. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE — I thought this quote about wild turkey hunting was educational. “They’re tough to shoot. They fly, which everyone forgets. And you have to shoot them in the head. And they have small heads.”

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#78): well, there IS “Not Just Guns” a mile or two up the road from me.

  95. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    MW — The title of today’s lecture is “Why Stalking Is Actually A Good Idea.”

  96. Shklee-Hulk
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    I believe the Archie strip originally had Archie being asked if he’d hunted that turkey himself. Some overseer in the Mamaroneck comics mine sent it back with a note saying that Archie couldn’t be depicted as a hunting enthusiast (because someone might find that mildly controversial, and that’s not how Archie Comics rolls, not since Al Hartley anyway). The AJGLU-3000, or someone equally literal-minded, simply changed the dialogue so that hunting wasn’t mentioned without giving any thought as to WHY someone might object to hunting. Hence the odd spectacle of Archie having his ego invested in maintaining the lie that he blew away a tame turkey at point-blank range.

  97. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#79): Thanks. I was just thinking that none of what I know about Veronica would predict her interest in holding a dead alleged turkey.

  98. HAnzMFG
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Note for today: Looking on the bright side warrants instant scolding in the Funkyverse, and expressions for optimism are so seldom used, they don’t make any sense. Hence, we have “light at the end of the rainbow.”

  99. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): Not Just Guns: We Meet All Your Grammar-Police Needs!
    Specializing in nunchuks, style manuals, pencil skirts, switchblades, handcuffs, red pens, and pokey sticks!

  100. Steve
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Peter’s “job” for many years has been selling cosplay photos of himself to Jonah. It’s nice that they’re on a real date now.

  101. Anonymous
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49): Rotary dials are still supported by my phone company (CenturyLink), I’d be willing to bet that you could use one on any landline in the country. It’s simple, reliable technology that’s baked into the phone exchanges. Changing it would probably be more costly than leaving it there for the odd luddite like me that keeps an antique phone plugged in.

  102. seismic-2
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): Not Just Guns Do they also sell roses?

  103. bbofun
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#70): Re: DT- about two weeks ago it was established (in strips set in an unnamed Gotham City) that Broadway, who was visiting his cousin, Oswald (The Penguin) hated the costumed criminals and heroes there- he was constantly being mistaken for his cousin, it was impossible to get any honest crime done, etc.

    ASM- “Where’d those two chimps go to? And the tiger- it’s not on stage now, either! And our waitress,- she delivered our drinks, then disappeared! IT’S A CONSPIRACY, I TELLS YA!”

    A3G- Yes, but not a GOOD actor.

    FW- Actually, Funky’s “bad back” comment is a legitimate way of looking at a bad situation. This, of course, upsets the natural order in Funytown, and Bat’uk, the Great Blackness, descends upon all.

    GT- Man, Coach Gil is one inspiring speaker! No wonder they win the playdowns every… what? Oh, that makes, sense, too.

    JP- (Ah, Peaches…) But when does Sam get his (undeserved) reward? He better get at least a producer credit out of all this.

    RMMD- Goshdarn it, I LIKE Delores/Phoenix.

  104. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

  105. Snarkotix Addict
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    I’m conducting a training class next week at work. I wondered what I could wear that would command respect and give me a look of authority. And here it is: an Argyle sweater vest! Thank you Mary Worth!

  106. Uncle Lumpy
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    I would go to Not Just Guns to buy an unjust gun.

  107. Snarkotix Addict
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    MW – Meanwhile, across campus in film class, Jim rehearses the role of the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

  108. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#105): an Argyle Sweater vest just makes you look like a warmed-over Gary Larson.

    I’m not Fashion Police, but I’d recommend against it.

  109. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    S-M — The carefree zest with which random people are unexpectedly grabbed in this strip and then tossed, jerked, flung, etc., seems to indicate that in the Spideyverse, human anatomy is much tougher than it is here, attorneys are absent, or both.

  110. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#107): My thought exactly. Go for it, Dawn—‘Tis but a scratch!

  111. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#108): I’m wearing a houndstooth vest right now so I’m getting a kick out of this. Argyle is hard to wear, though.

  112. bats :[
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#48): re Phantom: I’m just figuring that Bandar Medicine = Bandar Poison. If I’m ever in Bandarland and feeling a bit under the weather, you can bet I’ll be telling everyone that I’m a Christian Scientist.

  113. Dood
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Sometimes we put walls up not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to break them down. Consider the Kool-Aid Man…”

  114. Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#39): Archie: Where can you buy a plucked, frozen chicken that hasn’t been cleaned and dressed?

    At the Turkey Ranch, obviously. Weren’t you paying attention?

  115. Here come the Judge
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’m waiting for Jim to break down Dawn’s walls with his ONE GOOD ARM. Not her psychological walls, either- I’m talking the walls of her bedroom. It’s easier to abduct a person when they’ve just awoken from a sound sleep and aren’t wearing daytime clothes.

    Judge Parker: Seeing the word “can” in any strip with Peaches in it makes me happy.

  116. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#112): Ha ha, into the stew pot with you, like Enos Pork in Pirhana Club.

  117. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Tim (#87): Archie’s got a gun…
    Archie’s got a gun…
    His whole world’s come undone…
    From looking at Miss Grundy’s bun…
    What did Mr. Lodge do?
    What did he put you through?
    They say when Archie was arrested,
    They found his head on Jughead’s plate,
    But, man, he had it comin’, now that Archie’s got a gun
    This strip is gonna be real great!

  118. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#97): And no one finds it odd that two goofs that can barely struggle through high school are walking about Riverdale with a shotgun.

  119. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#118): Or that Archie and Reggie are suddenly such good friends.

  120. Snarkotix Addict
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @ #108 queek
    Okay. But keeping one hand in my trousers pocket – wouldn’t that totally rock?

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49):

    Popeye – Well, I predicted the father was going to be a little shrimp, and totally forgot to make any prediction for this guy. One more strike, and I’ll have to become a political pundit.

    I never make predictions about comic strips until I hear what Nate Silver has to say about it.

  122. wossname
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#103): Ah, thanks for the explanation on DT – I must have missed that strip (or read it and couldn’t make any sense of it). As much as I love the new art and the snappy, wacky plots, sometimes they’re kind of hard to follow.

  123. pugfuggly
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm…An angry one-armed man with apparent rage issues. Has anyone considered that this Mary Worth storyline might be gearing towards an awesome Spiderman crossover? From the wiki entry on the Lizard:

    Curtis “Curt” Connors was born in Coral Gables, Florida. He was a gifted surgeon who enlisted in the U.S. Army and was sent off to war. He performed emergency battlefield surgery on wounded GIs, but his right arm was injured in a blast and had to be amputated. After his return to civilian life as a research technologist, Connors became obsessed with uncovering the secrets of reptilian limb regeneration. Working from his home in the Florida Everglades with the help of war buddy Ted Sallis, he finally developed an experimental serum taken from reptilian DNA. He successfully regrew the missing limb of a rabbit and then chose to test it on himself. Connors ingested the formula and his missing arm did indeed grow back. The formula had a side effect; Connors was subsequently transformed into a reptilian humanoid monster.

    Oh please oh please oh please….

  124. pugfuggly
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker (#114):

    Oh I get it! He shot the turkey at the ranch and it froze because it was so cold, just like he said. Also, he and Reggie are wearing stupid hats, which makes it funny.

    I think I’ve cracked the Laugh Unit code…..

  125. AhClem
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    MW — New federal education rules require that every classroom have a couple of keywords written on the board so the students know where they are. Thus, you have “FREUD JUNG” in a psychology class, “NOUN VERB” in a writing class, “INTEGRATE DIFFERENTIATE” in a calculus class, etc.

    Archie — Those turkeys come pre-grilled. And by “grill” I mean Ford F-150, not Weber.

  126. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#123): ‘reptilian humanoid monster’ – you mean Jim is – J. Jonah Jameson?!!

  127. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#124): Please use your new power for the good.

  128. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#54): …Dweezil stripped my flush!

    Great. Googley. Moogley. How long, pray tell, has that been festering in your cranium?

  129. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#125): The problem here is that, if the board says “STD”, are you in Labor Relations class learning about Short Term Disability, or in Health Sciences…
    //BA in Human Resources, MSW Social Work – I always say, I went from STDs to STDs.

  130. Longhorn
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Thus begins the Crankshaft version of “It’s a Wonderful Life”. After publication of this news, Frank Capra rose from the grave just long enough to find a loaded shotgun, place the barrel in his mouth and pull the trigger.

  131. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    JP — The Judge “already has his next two books in the can.” Two books! Honestly, Josh, I’m starting to wonder what’s wrong with you.

  132. annieLurk
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Archie – That poultry the boys brought back looked really sad, (as in undernourished.) Understand, I am not PETA (I wear leather shoes and vintage fur). But, inept shooting of a captive bird just seems wrong. The turkey shoots I am familiar with involve shooting at an inert target and whoever has the best target shot is rewarded with an already dead bird. As for me, I usually go for a fresh Butterball. The last thing I shot with a shotgun was a clay thing (I missed). The last thing anyone in my family shot was probably a wild turkey, c1889, when one had to go out and bag one’s own meal.

  133. Northern lurker
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: maybe this is a remake of The Fugitive, with Dawn as Dr Richard Kimble, Jim as the one-armed man and Mary in the Tommy Lee Jones role.

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#102): The branch located in Paradise City does.

  135. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#124): That’s not quite the core of the Laugh Unit code — more like the second or third layer above the code (with some ancillary input from 1920 pamphlet condemning the pernicious influence of Vaudeville on youth morals, which the AJGLU mistook for a style manual).

    The core itself is a simple rule: “Humor is the violation of expectations” (the part about it being within a context of normality was left out to save RAM). So every day, when we ‘Mudgeons say “There’s no way Archie could possibly get any more confusingly, inscrutably stupid!”, AJGLU-3000 sees that (we’re the only people on the Internet talking about Newspaper Archie, after all) and sets about trying to violate that expectation.

  136. Inkwell
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    I love the fact that Crankshaft, Decrepit Lord of All Things Unpleasant, actually seems depressed by Rose’s ranting. It’s like he’s trying to work up the willpower to die so he won’t have to hear it.

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#99):

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): Not Just Guns: We Meet All Your Grammar-Police Needs!
    Specializing in nunchuks, style manuals, pencil skirts, switchblades, handcuffs, red pens, and pokey sticks!

    Yes! We specialize in dozens of items!

    // Generally speaking.

  138. Baka Gaijin
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe Is Old and Busted (#1): Ewww. Did not need to think about any willies in the Curtis strip.

    @S. Stout (#19) on Luann: Ewww. Did not need to think about Luann sexing up the Macbook.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#44): Ewww. Did not need to think about Brad deGroot in coitus.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#46): Ewww. Did not need to think about Dagwood in tights and where he carries his “summer sausage.”

  139. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    for the drinkers of Scotch.

    a sneak peek at the next Dawn storyline in Mary Worth.

    ok, fair warning, folks. This one is dark. Ces doing a guest-strip for Yungbluth’s Clarissa dark. here.

  140. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#138): Wow, you are like Monk, aren’t you?
    //I myself am very ladylike

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#138): to the left.

  142. Baka Gaijin
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @btown (#66): Ewww. Did not need to think about a man rocking a tampon.

    @lynn (#92): Ewww. Did not need to think about Toni’s camel toe, anatomically improbable or otherwise.

    @bbofun (#103) on Spiderman: Ewww. Did not need to think about where two chimps and a tiger are lodged.

  143. Baka Gaijin
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    When I first attempted to post the previous message, I got this error:

    Failed to query blacklist: domain – did not need to think about toni’s camel toe, anatomically improbable or otherwise. .
    Query: SELECT * FROM `sk2_blacklist` WHERE (`value` = ‘ did not need to think about toni’s camel toe, anatomically improbable or otherwise. \r’ AND (`type` = ‘domain_black’ OR `type` = ‘domain_white’)) AND `score` > 30 ORDER BY `score` DESC
    SQL error: Illegal mix of collations (latin1_swedish_ci,IMPLICIT) and (utf8_general_ci,COERCIBLE) for operation ‘=’

    It looks like WordPress doesn’t want to think about Toni’s camel toe either.

  144. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#142):”@btown (#66): Ewww. Did not need to think about a man rocking a tampon.” – That was a really unpleasant scene in 50 Shades of Gray.

  145. Baka Gaijin
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#140): It’s a lot closer to bedtime here. There are some topics I don’t want my subconscious mind to dredge up a couple hours later during slumber.

  146. Carlye
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Josh, that other word from Psych 101 is SUPEREGO.

  147. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#145): I knew of one of those topics, and now I know another one about you. Do you sleep alone or do you have someone stand guard over you? Just curious. I now picture ou looking like Tony Shaloub.

  148. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Carlye (#146): Oh, thank goodness someone cleared that up. I have been worrying all day.

  149. Oregonian
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Whoa.. Just one week ago, Jim was an angry guy missing an arm. Now he’s an angry guy missing an arm and both legs. What part of him will be the last to go? Two weeks from now, will he be down to just an angry nose? I’m betting on the nose.

  150. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49): @Anonymous (#101): Until fairly recently, even push button phones had “TONE/PULSE” switches to simulate rotary phones in areas that hadn’t gone completely digital.

  151. Baka Gaijin
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#147): I have a heavenly host of angels hovering around and a clowder of cats to cover the ground.

  152. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    I know a lot of people who have, or claim to have, coulrophobia. They are all male. Same thing with the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. Interesting. Must be a guy thing. As for me, I don’t like spiders or snakes. (I hope Baka Gaijin has already gone to bed).

  153. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#150): Ha ha, I have one of those phones! When you push the button, it makes the rotary sound. Has been in the upstairs bedroom for over 30 years. I am ironically hip now.

  154. lynn, once, twice, three times a lady
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#153): Not that you need to know anything about my upstairs bedroom.

  155. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#149): Perhaps, like the Cheshire Cat, only his smile, or rather, angry snarl, will remain.

  156. Calico
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Josh, love your comments about the blackboard.
    Id, ego, stuff, whatever
    Oh, and why oh why is Jim in the same class, to Dawn’s left?

    Crankshaft – Happy Holidays!

  157. Brian Weaver
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Is Mary Worth even made by humans? I suspect it’s made by poorly programmed AIs. Really! Think about it, was there ever a dumber strip? Well yes, but we leave that to the experts to determine which one fits the bill. On top of that, the strip takes itself so ponderously seriously, as if it was actually bringing some kind of solutions to problems of poor misguided readers seeking emotional guidance. Laugh track, and Sad face.

  158. Alter Ego
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    love is… finding creative ways to dispose of the body.

  159. bats :[
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Literate Dead (#61): nice work! I’m wondering when Mark is going to notice enough ominous shadows in the water and say to Otto, “I thought this place was filled with bonefish — all I see are cartilagefish!” (with the inappropriate bolding of words).

    @Evan (#91): thank heavens there isn’t a tradition of eating rabbit on Easter, because “Did you boys shoot your own bunny at the Bunny Ranch?” wouldn’t be very funny.
    OTOH, it might be.

  160. lynn, once, twice, three times a lady
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone else noticed that Jim and Mary Worth use the same hairdresser?

  161. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#142): I guess I can assume that you did need to think about Ditto Flagston’s Bieber sex dreams. Hey, no problemo. I’m here to help.

  162. bats :[
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    And just so you know that the glaciation of a tropical county in Phantom is imminent, there’s always a good reason for a leisurely pace…

  163. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#161): Oh dear. That is TMI about the BG for me.

  164. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#151): Awww. That’s kind of sweet. Calling Calico…

  165. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#152): Who knew Jim Stafford was trolling this website?

  166. Perky Bird
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: The Judge has two books in the can? Judge, sweetie, if you must keep not one but two novels in the powder room to entertain yourself, may I suggest eating more fiber? That might help you get down to at least “magazine” level, or even “Sunday funnies” level, if you’re really lucky.

  167. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#165): I was expecting a Melanie reference. Nobody expects the Jim Stafford reference, mwa-ha-ha-ha (best possible Michael Palin impression).

  168. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#167): Or, who was the female singer who recorded that in long-ago days? (Or did Jim Staffford sing falsetto?)

    If I’m going to ask trivia questions, this is more apropos: Clyde Crashcup. I was thinking of Clyde and Leonardo yesterday when Rocky Stoneax talked about obscure comics. I understand this was an animated series; I never saw the animated version, but I had (and still have) some of the comics. They used to crack me up. “Muttering mobs of musty mumbling mummies.” This is why I am the way I am.

  169. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#163): Well, if I ever release a rap album I plan to call in “TMI about the BG.”

  170. Calico
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#98):
    So, the White Light before death? That would make sense, but it’s still a bit too optimistic for FW.

  171. Steve
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wednesday and Thursday’s comics form a narrative arc. “Jim hasn’t responded to my email, text or phone messages. How can I take my game to the next level? I know! I’ll attend a Sometimes No Means Yes seminar! How fortunate that my college offers one!”

  172. Theodora of Forth
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    My local paper has Luann above Garfield. First line of Garfield today was “That’s creepy”! LOL Sums it up perfectly.

  173. Shrug, Who Has His Memories
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#5):

    “Riverdale, where its OK for teenagers to walk around with shotguns.”

    Well, as a teenager in my small northern Minnesota town in the early sixties, I took a Firearms Safety course which was held in the evening in my own high school building, meaning a dozen or more kids (all boys if I recall) were walking in to their high school after dark while carrying rifles and/or shotguns.

    I also recall a science class a couple of years before that where we played bare-handed with a small ball of mercury. Good times.

  174. Calico
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    Sounds like Barry needs three socks. Hmmmmm. (Paging Red Hot Chili Peppers)

  175. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Greg knocks on Ari’s door, brushes past him and then stalks around the room with his head cocked and one eyebrow raised. “Is something the matter?”
    “I’m an actor shouldn’t be so easy to read. Ironically, that makes me perfect for the part. They’ve asked me to play all of the male roles in ‘Apartment 3G: The Movie’.”

  176. ArchieNemesis
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Archie’s transformation from tree-hugger to turkey-shooter happened so gradually that we never even noticed it. No, wait, it was just yesterday. Let me try again: Archie’s transformation from tree-hugger to turkey-shooter happened so suddenly that it strains credibility.

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#153): When you push the button, it makes the rotary sound. And I bet it still connects, too, in that mode. Not much good though, if you are in one of those robot menu systems. “Your call is very important to us, but not important enough to have a real human being answer. Press one to go to another anoying menu, press two to go to a worse one…”

    // A bedroom is a good plase to press buttons. Or so I hear.

  178. hogenmogen
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Crank: The strip isn’t any funnier if it is told in chronological order. On the bright side, it’s suck-ability doesn’t dive any lower, either. Tomorrow, maybe Batuik will try an avante-gard cacophany depicting past, present and future events simultaneously like some bizarre Hieronymus Bosch mosaic. The suck-o-meter doesn’t budge from the bottom of the muck, but at least there is a valid claim to be attempting greatness through experimentation within the medium.

  179. Cyranetta
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: How lucky we are today! We’ve just had what passes for high drama in this story — the introduction of a new character, albeit at a distance.

  180. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): Now why didn’t my friend the spell check catch “plase”?

    // Oh. It did. Maybe I should start paying attention to those red wavy lines.

  181. Shrug, Prioritizing
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#102):

    “Not Just Guns Do they also sell roses?”

    No, they also sell butter. But you have to buy a gun first.

  182. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @lynn, once, twice, three times a lady (#160): I made a lame comment about that awhile back, I think. Or I thought about it. Or a few of my brain cells tried to come up with a thought about it and then sank into the dull silence that MW often causes. I dunno.

  183. commodorejohn
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    So Dawn’s Psychology 101 course is taught by Bizarro Les Moore? Who smiles all the time (too much, really,) and thinks of life in roughly quasi-positive terms, and somehow his fashion sense is even worse?

  184. Shrug, Being a Wet Blanket
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#105):

    No one seems to have connected the MW “argyle sweater” trope with today’s actual ARGYLE SWEATER comic, which as it happens features a bed-wetting “joke.” With that in mind, you may want to rethink the whole “commanding respect and giving you a look of authority at your training class” thing.

    /// At least depending on what you are training them for.

  185. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Theodora of Forth (#172): My paper has Garfield above The Born Loser. Both are about doughnuts today. Creepy!

  186. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): The memories are all in my mind, but now, Mr. Scudder, that we’ve come to the end of our rainbow, *sigh* – Life. Brutal. No, no, I’m over it now.

  187. Droopy Says
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Despite what several ‘mudges have suggested, that isn’t Jim seated next to Dawn in the Bonehead Psych class. Dawn is beginning to see Jim everywhere. Very soon she’s going to find herself in quite a few psychology classes. As a lab specimen. “Dawn, talk to us about Tyrion Lannister . . .”

  188. lynn
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#182): I am honored to have a thought similar to the estimable Poteet!

  189. Calico
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#103):
    “Bat’uk, the Great Blackness”

    Ha!

  190. Shrug, Being O.C. about DC
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Carlye (#146):

    “Josh, that other word from Psych 101 is SUPEREGO.”

    He had blocked that out. After all, Josh just moved from Metropolis to Baltimore solely to get away from that Superego fellow, who kept breaking up all his criminal schemes while mistaking him for his look-alike cousin.

    // I forget just which super-villain is Josh’s look-alike. Any candidates?

  191. Baka Gaijin
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#152): John Wayne Gacy only attacked boys.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#161): Somehow I missed that “Ewww!” the first time around. Why do I bother reading these comments right before bedtime?

    @lynn (#164): And it rhymes, too!

  192. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#176): I know people who hunt wild game, including turkeys, who are also tree-huggers in the committed-conservationist sense. But none of them would ever go near the kind of weird canned-hunting operation implied by “turkey ranch.” As for the abrupt turnaround in what Archie was and is, yeah, you’re right, and the whole setup for this strip, with the guns and hats and fake turkey and all, seems like a lot of trouble for a lame gag.

    I do like Veronica’s expression in the last panel, though. “This is the raw version of what I’ve been eating?? EWWW! I am totally going to marry a rich dude who will hire a fulltime cook so I’ll never have to look at something this gross again.”

  193. tallyHO
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    What people fail to realize about today’s Mary Worth* is the reason why we see Jim in panel two is because he is using Wastrel Projection.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    //*Mary Worth? Is that meddler still in this strip? You’d think she’d at least make non-nondescript pie serving, guest appearances in the background, meddling with random people.

  194. Calico
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#175):
    Why can’t these people ever talk to each other while looking at each other directly? They’re always in these weird positions, like contortionists, or maybe they are just super passive-agressive.

  195. Vince M
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#152): Well, my sister has a long-standing fear of clowns going back decades (that includes jesters and, I imagine, mimes.) I don’t know when a fear goes up a level to a phobia, though.

  196. Liam
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Dawn, you might have kept me away physically but I will reach you mentally.”

  197. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#188): Why, thank you:-)! A compliment from a true lady is a compliment indeed.

  198. Shrug, Deconstructing Jim
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#149):

    “Whoa.. Just one week ago, Jim was an angry guy missing an arm. Now he’s an angry guy missing an arm and both legs. What part of him will be the last to go? Two weeks from now, will he be down to just an angry nose? I’m betting on the nose.”

    He’ll probably soon volunteer to get rid of his Naughty Bits, since he doesn’t want to have anything to do with a pier. (Presumably including homophones.)

  199. Hibbleton
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Ha! Archie put the shotgun up the turkey’s ass and blew off all its feathers from the inside out while simultaneously expelling its guts through its mouth. He then dipped it in liquid nitrogen (up there refers to the third floor chem lab) before handing it to the girls. So what’s the joke?: the LN2 has given the turkey a permanent hard-on.

  200. tallyHO
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Okay. Under duress, I would not be inclined to excuse someone, anyone coining the word “Bieberlicious” to describe his frustrations with something. It seems to me that a person would coin such a word after eating a dry peanut butter sammich.

    So, from here forth, perhaps I will overlook this “problem” the lad has with being Bieberloaded with Memorabieberlia. We all have good days and bieber days.

    Ditto should just accept that Manifest Destiny dictates that his future involves him being a listener of talk radio. Get with it, Ditto!

    You’ll beiber a better boy because ob bit!

  201. Horace Broon
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#183): But he doesn’t know anything about the subject he’s teaching, because some things are unchangable.

  202. ArchieNemesis
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#192):

    I do like Veronica’s expression in the last panel, though.

    Betsy is having quite a different reaction in the last panel. She seems to be lustfully leering and thrusting her groin at Reggie the hunter. Also, Archie’s hunting cap suddenly has an erection.

  203. Will
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#150): Now that you mention it, I just checked a cordless phone I bought two months ago, and it will do pulse dialing, though it’s well hidden in the settings.
    (Also, I was Anonymous at #101. I wiped out my cookies accidentally, and forgot to fill my name in.)

  204. seismic-2
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: Julian Sands returns in Helena’s Revenge: Boxing Jim.

  205. Horace Broon
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    FW: As Funky looks for a little light at the end of the rainbow, whatever the hell that means, the background fades into Stygian darkness. There is no light here, nor will there ever be.

    There won’t be a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel, either.

    GT: So, Rubin delves deep into A Dictionary of Irish Slang for Terry’s speech, but he calls his mother “Mom”, rather than “Mam”, or even “Mum”?

    MT: Ah, foreshadowing. As Otto prepares to heave Mark over the side, the focus is on the sharks who are an essential part of this plan, and not on the humans engaged in a competition which one of them already knows will be completely irrelevent. Also, it beats having to draw people, right?

    Pluggers: At first I thought I’d seen this gag before. Then I realised I had, but not in the actual Pluggers. It was one of Josh’s suggestions to fix a Pluggers strip back in ’09. And yet his name isn’t in the thanks box, is it?

  206. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 29th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Being O.C. about DC (#190):

    I forget just which super-villain is Josh’s look-alike. Any candidates?

    Victor von Doom is a redhead, and I suppose pre-accident he could have gone through a goatee phase. That would make this an intercompany crossover.

    @Baka Gaijin (#191):

    Why do I bother reading these comments right before bedtime?

    To make that bedtime hot toddy taste all the sweeter?

  207. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#162): I don’t know why, bit I find talking big cats extremely creepy, which is something I didn’t know about myself until now, so thank you.

    @Poteet (#131) & @Perky Bird (#166): The strip’s been pretty up front with the fact that he pretty much crapped them out.

    @Shrug, Being O.C. about DC (#190): It never occured to me that Josh might be a supervillain. I just figured the facial hair meant that in a parallel universe, a clean-Josh praises rather than savages the daily comics.

    @seismic-2 (#204): I’d rather see Boxing Wilbur.

    Mary: Make a wish.
    Wilbur: They never come true.
    Mary: Mine has.

  208. Sgt. Stoned
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Archie: It doesn’t have to be Thanksgiving to eat turkey.

  209. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#205):

    GT: So, Rubin delves deep into A Dictionary of Irish Slang for Terry’s speech, but he calls his mother “Mom”, rather than “Mam”, or even “Mum”?

    Unless they’re gonna do the research to do it right, I’d rather they just make up a country like, say, D’yerland no — Irestan — where they say “Merm” and “Blerdy.” Then I’d be able to enjoy Gil Thorpe in a non-ironic manner, or rather, in an ironically non-ironic manner.

  210. bats :[
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Deconstructing Jim (#198): when does he turn into Darth Vader?

  211. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#101): My rotary dial still works. On a good day, I can even dial a phone with just the switchhook.

  212. fuzzmaster
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I have been staring at Dawn’s hoodie hair for months now (or has it been years? Just how long has this story been playing out?) and wondering why anyone would choose to dye the ends of her hair deep black but put an orange streak down the middle. Now I see why: She’s been using her hair to knit sweaters for her favorite professor.

    Very touching. And explains why she’s rebuffing the amorous attention of the one-armed man.

  213. seismic-2
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#210): That’s the scene in The Comics Strike Back where Josh has that famous line, “Billy, Jeffy, Dolly, PJ – I am your father!”

  214. Dale
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177):

    I have a phone that actually covered that in the instructions – If necessary, set to Pulse to get through your local phone company, then set to Tone.

  215. Dale
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Being O.C. about DC (#190):

    superego is not the same as inflated ego

    (I read a book about Freudian psychology, didn’t understand a bit of it.
    Should I have understood, or read the book?)

  216. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#213): My fave scene is when Mary tells Dawn, “Meddle. Or meddle not. There is no try.”

  217. tallyHO
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @May Poole-Bower (#216):

    Ziggy in Carbonite?

    //i don’t know if that makes a lick of sense. And, take my word for it, my sense of licking darts around in unpredictable ways.

    //^ok. the explanation of the attempt at humor devolved into an attempt at additional attempted humor. So, the entire comment is sorta of like “Ziggy”. In carbonite.

  218. mr12ozcan
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    maryworth-while dawn daydreams in class . jim is in chinatown getting a cows tongue sewed onto his tongue after spending 8 hours a day doing the perfect pushup to prove to dawn one arm guys make great lovers too.

  219. May Poole-Bower
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#217): Sure … I remember … it was because Garfield the Hutt had a bounty on him. Now what was that bounty hunter’s name … Bucky Fett?

    Any way, it’s not good sense to lick darts. You never know where they’ve been.

  220. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @May Poole-Bower (#216): When do we get to the part where Dawn calls Jim a “scruffy-looking nerf herder”?

  221. Beetle Bumstead
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: I took that same psych class back in the ’70s in Upstate NY. Same guy in badly matched polyester masturbating in front of the room. Same angst-ridden, drug-induced stupor in the class. Same confusion over who was Freud and who was Jung. The only difference I can see is that “Jim” or whatever the ’50s model of ‘the way we used to view insanity’ is cut off from the waist down. Yes, this man has no dick.

  222. Peanut Gallery
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#211): Now all you need is a Cap’n Crunch whistle and you can get free Internet.

  223. Calico
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

  224. Dennis
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    My god, Mary Worth really scares me. I mean, its messages are so incredibly outdated and disturbing I can’t laugh at it because it scares me that people actually think like this.

  225. Ghost who Comments
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    Archie: At first I thought the joke was Archie chickening out and buying a grocery-store frozen turkey, but then I noticed the turkey still has feet, a head, and feathers. This leads me to the conclusion that either the AGJLU3k really believes a sufficiently cold climate will flash-freeze a turkey or nobody ever bothered to tell the AGJLU3k which parts of an animal humans purchase for consumption.

  226. Chaze
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    I would love to see A3G brought to the stage as a play. I bet the stage directions would be hilarious.

    “Ari talks to the back of Greg’s head.” “Greg responds to Ari by bending over and speaking between his knees.”

    And the sets would all be painted pale blue, pale green and baby shit yellow. The clothes would be the exact same colors.

  227. Chaze
    November 29th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    That’s a heluva sweater vest Dawn’s prof is sporting. I bet he wrote that Freud Jung’s name on the board because he’s the designer and the well dressed students wanted to know where to get one just like it.

  228. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts!
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#187):

    I noticed that too. I wonder if Jackelrod is doing the strip today!

  229. Chaze
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    The hat thing the past few days on 9CL was kinda cute, even if Edda and Seth were dressed like Fred and Ginger, but today’s strip indicates a venture into cross dressing that can only lead to Amos proving he’s a cuter girl than Edda.

  230. Anonymous
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    MW:
    Dawn is starthing to look like the horrible puppet, Lady Elaine Fairchild from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

    Ways to end the Dawn Jim “Storyline”…

    Show Dawn being brutally “assualted” by her professor.
    Show Mary and the professor and Terry Bryson feasting on Jim’s dismembered arm.
    Have Jim rip off Dawn’s arm so she can better empathize with his issues.

  231. Droopy Says
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläüts! (#228): Could be. Notice that the girl-creature to Yawn’s right has her same hair “style,” which suggests a quick, lazy use of clip art. Then again, this could mean Rod Serling has come back. Number Twelve Looks Just Like You, Dawn.

  232. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#192): …none of them would ever go near the kind of weird canned-hunting operation implied by “turkey ranch.”

    I don’t know about turkey ranches, but there are such outfits around for other game. A place in Georgia that my father was invited to some years back guaranteed, for a fee, that you would shoot and kill a wild pig, no matter what your age or physical condition. If necessary, they’d hogtie (literally) an animal, wheel you up up in a bath chair (as our friend Mr. Broon would put it) and steady your trembling rifle for you. All you needed was the strength to pull the trigger. Of course, they would then do all the rest of the work, cleaning, butchering, and taxidermy services. My dad declined the offer.

    There is another outfit, here in Alabama, that offers a similar range of services for deer. They were featured a few years back in the local newspaper, for a charity that they are very proud of. They offer the full package for a certain number of blind and disabled teenagers, and those with terminal cancer, for free, except for transportation to the “hunting” ground. (If the teenager’s family couldn’t afford transportaion, a local NRA branch and veterans groups helped out.) They went on about how beautiful it was to help a kid, with perhaps a few months left to live, shoot a deer. And the family would get the mounted head to keep as a memento…

    // I don’t hunt myself, but I’m not anti-hunting. That charity seemed kind of creepy to me, though.

  233. Alex Blaze
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    How much do I love today’s Mary Worth? Let me count the ways:

    1. The inexplicable line under Jung (emphasized Jung?) makes it seem like the perfesser was doing addition: “Add FREUD and JUNG in this psychological model, kids, and you get DREAMS. Everyone understand? OK, let’s talk in platitudes for the next half hour and run that clock.”
    2. Perfesser McGoatee’s white tie/white shirt ensemble, the height of Californian fashion
    3. How Dawn is placing angry one armed guy in a pool of water in her head – HIS BIGGEST FEAR
    4. How Angry One Armed Guy is sitting right there with her in class, right behind her in panel 1, hearing about how, yes, I’M RIGHT TO PUT UP WALLS TO GET REPLACEMENT SISTERS I MEAN LOVERS I MEAN FRIENDS
    5. Dawn’s Easter Island head with a towel draped over it looks like it might pass for human, until you get a load of her oversized Rodin-hands
    6. The nightmarishness of it all. Dawn is trying to avoid being killed, embalmed, and placed in a glass case with the label “My beloved sister” above it, and everyone, including her perfesser, is trying to get her to go back and take one for the team. It’s a psychological horror story is what it is.

  234. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    I’m still thinking One-Armed Crazy-Ass Psycho Jim is Mary’s instrument to kill Dawn. After the police figure out her scheme, her last words before breaking out of jail and starting a life on the run will be “It wasn’t me, it was the one-armed man!”

  235. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#214): Of course, if you still use a modem you can set it to use pulse dialing – the Hayes command set is for pulse is ATDP(phone number) instead of ATDT(phone number) for tone.

    I’m surprised that I remember that, but variants of the Hayes set are used in lots of serial telecom devices even now.

  236. demoncat
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    mw if nothing else dawn your gaining a new tool to use when you are forced to try and get away from jim. and also can confess and be protected from helping mary whack jim in the end. plus also getting the key to some metal help yourself even maybe a degree. crankshaft looks like rose did not make herself clear she hates every thing jolly and xmase

  237. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#101): Rotary dials are still supported by my phone company (CenturyLink), I’d be willing to bet that you could use one on any landline in the country.
    I looked it up before I commented on it, and it all depends upon your phone company. If you are in a small town (like many pluggers) that is still served by the same outfit that was doing it in the 70s and 80s, the answer might be yes. If you are served by a newer company, it’s not as likely that they’ll have the old equipment grandfathered in.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#106): Buying a gun? Why not combine business and pleasure?

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#128): How long, pray tell, has that been festering in your cranium?
    It was written on the spur of the moment. I took an extra minute to polish it up.

    @lynn (#168): I was thinking about Clyde Crashcup. There was a movie on TCM with Richard Haydn, and there had been another a week or so ago. He had a distinctive and easily imitated voice (caterpillar in Disney’s ALICE IN WONDERLAND cartoon). That’s who Clyde Crashcup sounds like, though in actuality he was voiced by Shep Mencken, however he spelled his last name.

    @Poteet (#192): But none of them would ever go near the kind of weird canned-hunting operation implied by “turkey ranch.”
    I think there’s a misunderstanding here. Archie and Reggie went to a real ranch, with cowboys and ranch hands and a foreman and cattle and stuff, only all the people jobs are held and worked by turkeys. Figuring that all they’d have to do would be to find a working turkey and blow him away, they thought it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. (Not surprisingly, that turned out to be harder than they thought, too, as did taking candy from a baby.)

  238. Poteet
    November 29th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#232): I too don’t hunt and am not anti-hunting. But I do have a problem with canned deer-hunting operations around here. I won’t inflict my full rant on CC, but in Iowa, the entire wild deer herd is now at risk because of inadequate regulation of such operations, at least two of which are now proven to have Chronic Wasting Disease. And some canned-hunting owners seem to have political connections in high places that — mmph! mmph! *Large hook yanks Poteet offstage*

  239. The Ridger
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    JP: The judge is “a quick learner” and can easily write the screenplay? Sure, because any author can write a screenplay. Never mind that the mechanics of telling a story in film are totally different from telling one in prose. Of course, the judge is the titular character and can do anything he wants. Hell, he’ll probably knock out the screenplay on the flight to LA, and then pick up the Oscar™ right after the Pulitzer.

  240. Dartpaw86
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else realize that Dawn’s teacher is Les? It all fits into place!

  241. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    I actually asked my wife about Mary Worth this morning. I probably should have just told her about my friends who fondly remember being humiliated while trying to buy condoms at Publix. She’d be more understanding about that.

    Anyway, Mrs Pastor teaches psychology at our fair city’s greatest institution of higher learning.[*] They do indeed mention Freud, the id, the ego, and dreams in intro classes such as you’d find at the Santa Royale branch of Hamburger University. Nobody’s talked about Jung since the first time they ran Apt. 3-G, though.

  242. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#240): Great googly-moogly, that’s an ugly sweater, even by Les’s standards.

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): Buying a gun? Why not combine business and pleasure?

    Do they sell tobacco too? That would be convenient, with just one federal agency to deal with.

  244. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): It used to be that the west side of Madison, Wisconsin (where I grew up) and all the way down to Dubuque was served by a phone company established by the local farmer’s co-op, which had survived well into the age of consolidation because one of its customers happened to be Land’s End. Even in the 90′s, a pay call was 10 or 15¢. I’m assuming they supported rotary phones too.

  245. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#241): Nobody’s talked about Jung since the first time they ran Apt. 3-G, though.

    Not talk about Jung? That’s just adler-pated.

  246. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#245): I’m feeling some animus right now…

  247. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#246): That what the kids are calling it these days?

  248. Dale
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#235):

    We (I wasn’t the only one) always set the things to ATDT without ever considering whether the lines were set for tone dialing – probably because we didn’t know any better. It always worked.

    A few years ago, for a brief period, I paid the phone company 25 cents per month to have my line set for tone. Pulse still works. The phone rep told me – try it both ways, when tone works, you’ll know the adjustment has been made.

  249. Sequitur
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    I was showering this evening when I was struck with the revelation that you can sing the words “crunchy frog” to the theme from Dragnet.

    Everybody sing!

    Crunchy frog
    Crunchy, crunchy, frog.
    Crunchy frog
    Crunchy, crunchy, frog.
    Crunchy frog
    Crunchy frog
    Crunchy, crunchy frog
    Crunchy frooog
    Crunchy frooog
    Crunchy, crunchy frog [french horn! etc.]

    And yes. You will have this going through your head all evening.

    You’re welcome.

  250. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#245): Not talk about Jung? That’s just adler-pated.
    I’m a Freud you’re right.

  251. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    as mentioned/requested a few days back, I’m officially older as of Friday.

  252. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#250): The insights on this thread are shrinking by the minute.

  253. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#63): Ladies and germs, behold, Brooke McE, master of using his cartoons as art therapy for a good while now…

  254. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: So, is this the psych class equivalent of med students thinking that they’ve contracted rare diseases after too many hours reading the Merck manual?

    //I also think that Dawn needs to stop looking for advice from Mary, and start reading Carolyn Hax or Captain Awkward, either of whom would tell her that you can’t fix a person who doesn’t want to be fixed, nor make someone feel the way you want them to feel. All you can do is adjust your own thoughts and actions regarding the situation.

  255. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#253): @Mibbitmaker (#63): I dunno. He hasn’t cracked a thesaurus in days. That’s a good thing.

  256. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    If you’d like a bit of real art to chase away Mary Worth or 9 Chickweed Lane or Apt. 3-G, or any of the other usual offenders – you know, as a kind of brain bleach? – now might be a good day to take a stroll over to see M. Boulet.

  257. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#252): The insights on this thread are shrinking by the minute. Yes, the Krafft is certainly Ebing.

  258. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#254): MW: So, is this the psych class equivalent of med students thinking that they’ve contracted rare diseases after too many hours reading the Merck manual?

    I think that sort of thing (I’m sure there’s a name for it) is actually much more common among psych students than med students. Diagnosis is maybe a little easier. “Well, I don’t have swollen lymph glands, high fever, and seizures, so I probably don’t have bubonic plague.” Compare with, “Why, yes, I do have feelings of inferiority, etc. …”.

    It may be a sort of halo effect, but isn’t it true that an astonishingly high number of practicing psychiatrists have their own personal psychiatrists?

  259. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#258): Dunno about psychiatrists, but it is true that many psychologists get into the field to work out their own shit. Not as true of counselors as academics.

    This does not apply to my wife.

  260. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#259): I’d be surprised if there WASN’T a similar correlation. For a long time, the distinction between psychologists and psychiatrists has been, as a practical matter, artificial. They both deal with the same kind of patients, with the same kind of problems, and generally speaking, offer the same kinds of solutions to those problems.

  261. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#259): This does not apply to my wife.

    I see you’ve been following Non Sequitur’s recent arc about how groovy disclaimers are.

  262. pastordan, snark late shift
    November 29th, 2012 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#260): Disagree, actually. Psychiatrists are all about the meds. They understand psychological processes, of course, but if you want counseling, go see a counselor, not a shrink. Despite what The Sopranos might tell you, psychiatrists know jack about talking cures.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#261): Hey, all I’m saying is that sometimes a one-armed man screaming in a hallucination is just a one-armed man screaming in a hallucination. He does want to be more than just friends, however.

  263. Poteet
    November 30th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    FW & GA — An odd pairing, but these two comics are now competitors for the coveted Most Irritating Vaguely Political Storyline Based On Someone’s Hallucinations Award.

  264. Droopy Says
    November 30th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Well, Parker, Jameson is going to ream you out for missing the story of the century: somebody stole the entire background!

    Mock Trail: Will you hurry up and gun the engine? I want to see if Trail floats.

    Phantom: That’s right, Kit, maybe your failed drug will work if you jab the lionness a second time.

    Family Circus: Of course Daddy walked to school when he was a kid. He knew how to find it.

    Jugs Parker: Ohmigod, Judge Parker is expected to do something to earn that money? Even if it’s something as easy as mere writing? Luckily for him, he’s got a whole month to write that script. At the rate this strip moves, his deadline won’t get here until the fall of ’27. (2027, I think, but 2127 wouldn’t surprise me.)

  265. Poteet
    November 30th, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    S-M — Since it’s late at night, I’ll take this opportunity to present my theory that because of his huge hairy inexplicable pelt and his frequent very close contact with a large variety of wild animal species over the course of his life, Kraven is actually a walking talking seething cauldren of diverse parasites and rapidly interacting and evolving pathogens just waiting to break into the human population and become epidemics. Good luck, Sherry! You could end up with something that makes Ebola look like the sniffles.

  266. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 30th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#264):

    “Jugs Parker: Ohmigod, Judge Parker is expected to do something to earn that money? Even if it’s something as easy as mere writing? Luckily for him, he’s got a whole month to write that script. At the rate this strip moves, his deadline won’t get here until the fall of ’27. (2027, I think, but 2127 wouldn’t surprise me.)”

    Well, especially when you consider that 6+ months of real time equals less than 24 hours of Juggs Parker time!

  267. tallyHO
    November 30th, 2012 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#265):

    I could explain why Kraven has that on his shoulders.
    I could explain if from an anthropological angle.
    I could explain it from a cultural angle.
    I could explain if from a spangled angle.
    I could explain if from a fandango angle.

    But, as you note, it is late. Remind me tomorrow that I shouldn’t be so Kraven. I’ll try my best to explain it then. (based on what I know and my theories)

  268. tallyHO
    November 30th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#267):

    Good Gravy!
    I don’t think any explanation is possible.
    It appears some of Kraven’s chimps have replaced my Ts with Fs!
    That rapscallion made my ITs into IFs!

    Fool me once, monkey, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on your monkey mates!
    Fool me three times, and I’ll…I’ll…

    It is really late.

    So, I’ll finish my idle threats to cartoon monkeys tomorrow.

  269. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    November 30th, 2012 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    JP: “Tell Alan to write us a script. He’s got a month. We can talk money later.”

    I’m sure this is exactly how it works in Hollywood.

  270. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    November 30th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#262): I’d disagree slightly with that. True, psychiatrists can prescribe meds whereas psychologists cannot, but that doesn’t mean that their treatment begins and ends with prescription drugs. There’s a lot of behavioral therapy that’s an essential part of treatment. People’s worldview and how they approach their problems can be very tightly wrapped up with their psychiatric problems, and a pill isn’t going to change that, or necessarily make people stop behaving in destructive manners. You have to recognize how OCD, for instance, has changed your life, before you can overcome it. Otherwise, you just might be replacing bad coping mechanisms with other bad coping mechanisms.

  271. Droopy Says
    November 30th, 2012 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#266): Well, my approximation took six months of real time to equal one JP day. Granted it’s been a bit more than six months since the Avery arc crawled into existence, so we’re probably looking at a due date of mid-2029 for the script. I maintain a forlorn hope that the Internet will become sentient and take over the world befoire then, a process which will involve deleting Judge Parker from our collective conscience.

    Mar’ma’duq: Not only that, Herr Phil, but in those thirty seconds he rendered your wife pregnant. While she straightens out her clothes, would you tell us how you feel about naming your impending son “Damien”?

  272. Hart of Johnny
    November 30th, 2012 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    Now I know why I’ve never elevated to professor rank. I don’t own a blue suit.

    Damn.

  273. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 30th, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#258): I don’t know about that, particularly (though I do have a working theory that people select majors/professions based on their own placement on the spectrum of mental quirks). However, I do know that some schools require would-be psychiatrists and psychologists to undergo therapy themselves, just to see what it’s like from the patient’s side.

  274. Dale
    November 30th, 2012 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    Otto can feed Mark to the sharks and still collect the ransom if:

    a) Bill can actually get the money together. Insurance from Regressive Inbred.

    b) Bill brings the money to the meeting by himself. He does seem like a simple sort.

    This has the makings of a good story problem about dependent probabilities.

  275. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 30th, 2012 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#262): Psychiatrists are all about the meds.

    Certainly, psychiatrists are MDs and can legally prescribe all kinds of meds, and from what I hear, do so a lot. Psychologists can prescribe directly in some places nowadays, and indirectly in the rest through referral. Drugs are a big powerful tool, and often work very well. (If you have a big, effective, hammer, it’s easy to see problems as nails. And frankly, lots of problems ARE nails.)

    The question at hand, though, is why psychologists and psychiatrists go into the mental health field in the first place. You suggested, and I think you’re right, that many psychologists do so, at least partially, to work on their own problems. I don’t see why that motivation shouldn’t apply to psychiatrists as well.

    I have only one piece of anecdotal evidence: I became friends with a military psychiatrist when we were fellow members of the Little Theatre, in Gitmo, when I was in the Navy. He had qualified originally as a surgeon, but became very interested in mental health due to his own problems in the past with alcohol. He had drunk a lot as a student, but had been, when I knew him, sober for many years. He also allowed that he had also become a little grossed out working with blood and guts – he preferred a notebook and a prescription pad.

  276. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 30th, 2012 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#273): …I do know that some schools require would-be psychiatrists and psychologists to undergo therapy themselves, just to see what it’s like from the patient’s side.

    That seems reasonable. But don’t you have to have a problem before you have therapy to fix it? Nevermind, I guess everyone has problems, or you could just pretend. Like EMTs practicing putting splints on each other’s pretend broken legs.

    Anyway, I wouldn’t want to see the idea extended to other medical fields. “So, you want to be a brain surgeon?”

    // Sex reassignment surgery? um…

  277. Dale
    November 30th, 2012 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    GIL THORP

    If Terry gets his act together on the football field, won’t his dating problem go away in time?

    Do we know what Terry’s father does for a living?
    He can mess up but doesn’t need a strategy.
    So he pays people off or has them killed. Sounds good to me.

  278. Chaze
    November 30th, 2012 at 5:29 am [Reply]

    Much is made clear in Friday’s A3G about why the characters are in such odd proximity to each other during conversations and also why we never see them below the waist.

    Greg is obviously talking out of his ass.

  279. Flamedrake
    November 30th, 2012 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    Wow, Betty and Veronica are both REALLY FUCKING EXCITED at the thought of Archie straight up cold-blooded murdering a turkey for sport. This explains a lot about their relationship.

  280. gleeb
    November 30th, 2012 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Ha! Batiuk is pretending his idiot old man character can count, and it’s funny!

    Dennis the Pedant: Dennis knows that the seed-bearing tomato is, botanically, a fruit.

    ‘bean: Eh, that’s actually funny. Funny in the service of another know-nothing Batiuk story, filled with mistakes of fact and tine, but still, for our boy Tom, a creditable effort.

    June Morgan, RN: Red, huh? These three are a hip, West Coast, cancer-suffering version of Apartment 3-G!

    Dick: Finally!

  281. Liam
    November 30th, 2012 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    A3G-Margo with another person? Maybe she is saving him so she can devour him later.

    FW-You tell em, Funky. Once they receive an irate email from you they will just have to reopen the post office.

    Gil Thorp-I’ve hired the IRA to help me with this.

    JP-I feel like I’ve been away for months even though it’s just been a few days.

    MW-It’s not that you have unnatural feelings for your dead sister, who you are probably fucking, it’s me. I’m too emotionally immature to handle any sort of relationship.

    RMMD-Then maybe this doctor can cure my cancer. All the doctors here have done is sacrifice chickens in an attempt to cure my cancer.

  282. Liam
    November 30th, 2012 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    MW-”And so class with the few basic psychology terms I’ll give you you’ll be able to psychoanalyze anyone like a professional psychiatrist who has years of training.”

  283. Peanut Gallery
    November 30th, 2012 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#276): Proposed requirement: Before you can become a professional cartoonist, you must post a minimum of 1000 snarky comments about other people’s comics on Comics Curmudgeon.

  284. Liam
    November 30th, 2012 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Archie-”Wait a minute. This isn’t even a turkey. Turkey’s don’t have combs. This is a chicken. Some farmer just sold you a chicken telling you it’s a turkey and you fell for it.”

  285. Droopy Says
    November 30th, 2012 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#284): I’d say it was a rubber chicken, except I can’t see where the AJGLU 3000 would have seen one. After all rubber chickens are associated with humor.

  286. Liam
    November 30th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dave used to make threatening gestures at me while I thought about him.

  287. greghousesgf
    November 30th, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#152): It’s not a guy thing. I’m female and I have a huge clown phobia.

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