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The most nightmarish time of the year

Crock, 12/9/12

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think Crock is being portrayed as too cartoonishly evil here. I mean, obviously it’s well established that he’s a villainous, petty dictator, but surely he’s enough of a realist to know that the local religious authorities aren’t going to be actively preaching sin and filth like they’re the Church of Satan or something. Shouldn’t he be pleased that the local priest is going old school and promising to use his money to punish and degrade the church’s enemies, instead of going in for some kind of touchy-feely love-thy-neighbor crap like feeding the poor or something?

B.C., 12/9/12

Plans for a lucrative B.C. Babies franchise where abruptly scuttled when the terrifying character designs were revealed. “So, if we make their arms and legs even stubbier, and glom them onto impossibly squat torsos, and remove their necks, that’s cute, right? Kids will want those dolls?”

Garfield, 12/9/12

You know, Garfield gets a bad rap among comics snobs, but anything that teaches kids that Santa is really a terrifying demon-thing waiting to grab you from behind and drag you down into a terrifying hell-dimension is all right in my book.

Luann, 12/9/12

Left to their own devices, Brad and TJ have turned their backs on God and started worshipping Mammon full-time.

64 responses to “The most nightmarish time of the year”

  1. Ursula
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    PV: “Feather that with your best shot”. Some variant on Pat Benatar? Now that song is going through my head!

  2. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Look at that grin. Mammon is TJ’s middle name! Or is it his last name? Anyway…

  3. John Weber
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Garfield, you soulless bag of blubber. Your time is coming, my archnemesis…

  4. Joe
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    That is easily the most I’ve laughed at a Garfield comic in recent years.

  5. Anna Nimity
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    For the first six panels I thought that was Garfield Without Garfield!

  6. Gal Friday
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    BC: So where’s the peg-legged kid?

  7. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Hello?

  8. doggans
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    “Full-time Mammon Worshipers” is my Nickelback cover band.

  9. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Anna Nimity (#5): For the first six panels I thought that was Garfield Without Garfield!

    And when, eventually, inevitably, it becomes Garfield without Garfield, it will be even funnier!

  10. Poteet
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    The B.C. kiddies aren’t lookers, but they’re positively adorable compared to the melonheads.

  11. TheSilentG
    December 9th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    If there’s a better candidate for a Garfield Minus Garfield cartoon, I haven’t seen it.

  12. Poteet
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    S-M — WHOA! What happened to her in Panel Four? As for Kraven, he needs a serious soaking with delouser. Ugh.

  13. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    MW “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!”
    And by “beautiful friendship,” Jim, of course, means a twisted codependent relationship.

  14. Liam
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    MW-”They really matched your skin up quite well. There is no way you can tell that you have a prosthetic arm. Now let’s never speak of it again.”

    A3G-”No actually I’m going to be Han Solo in the new Star Wars films.”

    Luann-”Now please take a look towards your left and forget that this looks like crap.”

    RMMD-No actually that is comic strip rules talking. Apparently the blonde in a soap opera comic strip is to be treated like an idiot. The same thing happens with Lu Ann in ‘Apartment 3G’.

    Archie-”Hey let’s insert the name of a television that is popular at the moment so our out dated comic doesn’t seem out dated.”

  15. Liam
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    FC-And so begins Jeffy’s fascination with women’s legs.

  16. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    I think the joke in Crock is that if Msgr. Priest actually punishes the wicked, Crock’s in for it. Either that, or Rev. Scudder is playing the priest. Hard to say.

  17. pastordan, snark late shift
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Also, too, today’s Pusheen is full of win.

  18. Windier E. Megatons
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Wait, that’s not Jon yelling – it’s a CSI: Miami intro, with Garfield delivering the lamest Horatio Caine gag of all time.

  19. Uncle Lumpy
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#14):

    “… I’m going to be Han Solo in the new Star Wars films.”

    Greg shot first! Well, early anyway.

  20. Darryl Heine
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    NOT MENTIONED:

    Peanuts 1960 – “Don’t bug me, dog!” from a 1960 Sunday replacing a not suited for today 1965 Sunday.

    Blondie – No decorations for Mr. Dithers? Bah humbug!

    Family Circus late 1970′s redeux by Jeff Keane from old Bil Keane touch ups – “Goodness, what a crowd!”

    ——————————————————————————————-

    ALSO: 1) In the Archie December 1991 rerun, was the original show Archie’s class was watching “Cop Rock”? 2) I like the B.C. Kids.

  21. seismic-2
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: Called it (along with 99.95% of every else who read it, no doubt). To further the Casablanca tribute, for the rest of this story arc the role of Wilbur Westin will be played by Sidney Greenstreet, and the role of Dawn Westin will be played by Peter Lorre.

  22. Mr. Fibuli
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I thought they had become Objectivists.

  23. Sgt. Stoned
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    BB: Not a bad foray into dadist art, Beetle. But that toilet-seat looks mighty small. Must be the result of Pentagon cut-backs: the $300 model instead of the $600 one.

    Archie: “Glee” is on in the middle of the school day? “Jerry Springer” would have been the obvious punch-line 15 years ago which, come to think of it, it probably was when this strip first appeared. Shoulda kept it. Springer’s still on, right?

  24. Michael
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    I forgot that B.C. and Crock still existed because they are long gone from the Washington Post. If those two are representative, then they made the right decision once Johnny Hart died. I think though Crock was dropped before his death.

    Sunday’s Sally Forth was actually pretty good. One of the few times Sally actually seems to like her husband.

  25. sporknpork
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Did TJ not zip up or is his bulge really shiny?

  26. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 9th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Shouldn’t he be pleased that the local priest is going old school and promising to use his money to punish and degrade the church’s enemies, instead of going in for some kind of touchy-feely love-thy-neighbor crap like feeding the poor or something?

    That’s my take too. Knowing Crock he might well prefer that the church torment and victimize entirely innocent people, but you can’t have everything.

  27. Anonymous
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Garfield: Jon, you’re supposed to have someone make a pun before you go all CSI Miami on us. Otherwise you just seem… And I say this with sunglasses on… like a fucking terrible character in Garfield.

  28. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Darryl Heine (#20):

    1) In the Archie December 1991 rerun, was the original show Archie’s class was watching “Cop Rock”?

    As far as I can recall, no one else was.

  29. Uncle Lumpy
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#28):

    Out of loyalty and expectations based on Hill Street Blues, I watched three episodes until I couldn’t kid myself any more.

  30. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#29): I can understand that. Myself I remember seeing a judge or mayor or something like that riding through the city while singing a faux-Gene Autry number and couldn’t get behind it. Bochco can be congratulated on swinging for the fences, but he wound up hitting himself in the head.

  31. Clint Brawny
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t this the second time now that Archie has inserted ‘Glee’ into an old strip whose punchline centers around a television show?

  32. seismic-2
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

  33. dyslexic dog
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#30):
    But it had a kickin’ theme by Randy Newman.
    (it’s kickin’ sometimes in this clip)

  34. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    The colorist seems to be under the impression that TJ is Michael Jackson.

  35. Inkwell
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Garfield deserves kudos for doing some original art, instead of cut-and-paste…

    oh wait…

    NO COMIC DESERVES KUDOS FOR THAT, IT’S YOUR FREAKING JOB.

  36. Bill Peschel
    December 9th, 2012 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @Anna Nimity (#5): If you imagine that it is G w/o G the strip is even funnier.

    “Santa’s buggering Jonny under the Xmas tree …”

  37. Baka Gaijin
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Isn’t one of the rules of being a supervillian, “Do not verbalize your nefarious plans when ‘civilians’ are around?” Someone should tell Kraven that, and “No capes!”

  38. Poteet
    December 10th, 2012 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    S-M — Wow. This the first time since I started reading S-M that the villain really is a bigger jerk than the hero.

  39. Droopy Says
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Kraven explains his actions to no one? So how do I tell him from anyone else in this strip? Oh, right. Take a deep whiff.

    Funkybland: “I’m surprised anybody in our class escaped death from cancer, or suicide, or some bizarre accident. Including us. Have you put enough cyanide in the Christmas fruitcake? Hung up the toxic mistletoe?”

    Family Circus: “Real people” will attend the school’s Xmas pageant? Great. I can’t wait for the Keane Kompound/ACLU Christmas Crossover.

    Phantom: Kit, you may have brought along extra Bandar Joy Juice, but you’re fresh out of arrows. However, all is not lost. Use some .45 bullets to insert the drug into the patient big kitty. The medication is best applied between the eyes.

    Mock Trail: Wow, that must have been one exciting shark attack. Who knew they could bite by remote control?

    Eohs: Because anti-French rage always makes for zee romantic dinner, non?

  40. Poteet
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#39): Re Spiderdick, BWAHAHA!

  41. seismic-2
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Camus was right, Dawn. Don’t walk ahead of Jim or behind him, instead walk right beside him. You’re headed in the right direction. Another 40 or 50 feet should about do it.

  42. HAnzMFG
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Is TJ capable of ANY other facial expression?

  43. Droopy Says
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Kraven’s churlishness can only make sense if he plans to set up Showgirl Sherry as the fall guy in the theft. “We quarrelled before the show,” he could say, “and I told her she was through! We only went on-stage together because I had no time to replace her–and then she cleverly stole the tiara . . . uh . . . wait, that’s right, she wasn’t part of my act until the other day, and any attractive half-clad woman could have taken her place . . . oh, damn, what happened to that blonde animal-handler who met Peter and MJ Parker on Long Island? If only she hadn’t completely vanished! Then she could have warned me about the strange presence of my old nemesis, Peter Poopyhead, and I could have villainously victimized her . . . oh, wait, if she hadn’t faded from memory, she could have been here to tell the cops how I trained those chimps to steal the tiara, after practicing on household break-ins where they wouldn’t encounter security guards and hi-tech alarm systems, neither would they need opposable thumbs and human-level intelligence to do their work . . . damn, why did I take Criminal Masterminds 101 on a pass/fail basis!”

  44. Ed Dravecky
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    Why is Crock still here? Wasn’t it sent to live on a farm upstate where it can run and play with other comic strips all day?

  45. seismic-2
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#44): Like Archie, it is in re-runs. I assume it continues to exist because it costs newspapers much less to publish than do the strips that people might, you know, actually like to read.

  46. Mr Frog
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    How the hell old is TJ supposed to be, exactly? Because based on the particularly-salty salt-and-pepper curly-flattop-thing on his head, I’m guessing around 55.

    @Ed Dravecky:

    As long as there is evil in the world, Crock will live on.

  47. Dale
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    Why is MARK TRAIL splashing the water with a paddle instead of
    steering the boat?!

  48. Mr Frog
    December 10th, 2012 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    The real horror in Garfield lies in why the hell Jon purchased a terrifying inflatable Santa-demon in the first place. Because his cat sure as hell didn’t.

  49. Mr. O'Malley
    December 10th, 2012 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    MT: Seems as though a manly man like Mark could punch that big outboard motor into the correct angle. Or perhaps use that oar as a lever.

    For no apparent reason that reminds me of an old English joke:
    Boater, adrift, yells to a passing boat: Hi, lend me one of your oars!
    Other boater: I’ll have you know this is me mother and me sister!

  50. Liam
    December 10th, 2012 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#42):

    Nope. The smile is there to hypnotize people into thinking his terrible ideas are good ideas.

  51. PriceCheck
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    Luann: “Get it? Because the word ‘season’ is represented as a capital ‘S’, which doubles as the US dollar symbol, showing how this time of celebrating families and giving has become more and more materialistic and hate-filled every year, starting in our own lives with the obscene amount we had to pay on Christmas lights because Dad went and burned them all a few weeks ago. I’m being clever, right? Why aren’t you laughing?”

  52. Notebooked
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Garfield forgot to do his CSI: Miami one-liner before “Won’t Get Fooled Again” started up.

  53. Droopy Says
    December 10th, 2012 at 6:44 am [Reply]

    Luann: With TJ’s relentless habit of self-promotion, let’s hope he invites the local media to cover this display. “WeenieWorld Worker Decries Christmas As Crass, Commercial Event” should win him a lot of favor at WW headquarters, getting his ugly skank ass fired for the embarrassment he brings . . . oh, who am I kidding? Evans would turn him into the exemplar whose wit and sunny smile revive the true spirit of Christmas. Which involves a guy who’s predestined to die a horrible death, right?

  54. Nehemiah Scudder, insufferably smug myself
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#16): Thank you. I’ll make a note to update my “To Smite” list.

  55. KreatureFeatures
    December 10th, 2012 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Dear Josh, please forward this article to Tom Batuik: Cancer Stalks the Donut.

  56. hogenmogen
    December 10th, 2012 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    You’re a liar, Crock, you were nowhere near giving, you tightwad. You don’t even have any money in your pockets, due mostly to lack of pockets.

  57. Red Delicious
    December 10th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    “TJ, I have an idea! Let’s push our large, square furniture right up to the windows, that way anyone looking inside won’t be able to see the squalor we live in daily!”

  58. Patrick Hamilton
    December 10th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    This Garfield strip becomes even creepier when you realize that Jon is yelling “YEAHHHHHHH!” as if in some kind of enjoyment and/or ecstasy.

  59. greghousesgf
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    If it’s snowing, why does that tree in BC still have all its leaves on it like it was summer? It doesn’t look like a conifer.

  60. dodoman1
    December 10th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Jon is probably supposed to be screaming in terror, but is pretty clearly shouting “YEAHHHHH”. I can only imagine that in between panels six and seven, he put on some sunglasses immediately after noticing the Santa, said something like “Looks like Saint Nick really is… a SWELL guy,” and immediately took them off again off-panel.

  61. Chance
    December 11th, 2012 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    I thought the heir who did Crock was going to quit because it was too painful for him to continue, as it made him think of his dad?

  62. flapracket
    December 11th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    I’m starting to believe that Jim Davis is drawing these strips with garfield-garfield in mind.

  63. Zerowolf
    December 13th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Ayn Rand would approve.

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    June 13th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

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