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Looks like we’re in for some … monkey business! Ha ha! (UGH SORRY EVERYBODY)

Spider-Man, 12/15/12

This strip raises a lot of questions, from the philosophical — Can a trained chimp be held liable for a crime? — to the narrative-related — How did Peter make the leap from “these chimps have been stealing things for Kraven” to “these chimps each have specialties, and Moe’s is jewel-thievery?” Still, I’m pretty excited at the prospect of Spidey engaging in a battle of wits with a non-human primate, since it’ll almost certainly end with his humiliation.

Crankshaft, 12/15/12

Look, I’m not a proponent of violence, but Crankshaft is history’s greatest monster, who’s been nothing but mean to all the children of Westview his whole life. If you manage to get at point-blank range with a canister of pepper spray, I say take your chance.

Apartment 3-G, 12/15/12

Haha, I mean obviously the only reason Margo tried to get a Christmas party going with her roommates is because her boyfriend was busy, I’m not sure why this was ever in question. Look at Lu Ann and Tommie’s little smiles. “Oh, that Margo! She doesn’t care about us at all, unless she’s lonely!”

Dick Tracy, 12/15/12

What’s Dick Tracy doing on this fine Saturday? Oh, you know, just making some chili with extra cumin and singing Chumbawamba, like you do.

182 responses to “Looks like we’re in for some … monkey business! Ha ha! (UGH SORRY EVERYBODY)”

  1. CanuckDownSouth
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Pluggers’ just-trying-to-get-by difficulties start with being so unobservant that they are completely unaware of the existence of wrapping paper.

    Zits meanwhile is unaware of such things as not-for-kids movies now being inevitably 2+ hours, or that emoticons are getting interpreted in FB and many email providers and turned into an image of a face.

    Where is everybody this morning? Me, I’m especially in need of some hope of something funny :-(

  2. Matthew
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    I always kind of assumed that Dick Tracy spent his free time cleaning his guns, and maybe going down to the docks to shoot at rats.

  3. Curm
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    DT: A shame “Pissing the night away” wasn’t the lyrical quote from that little ditty.

  4. KreatureFeatures
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    SpidorkMan: Brilliant, because no one will think twice about a monkey running down the street in broad daylight.

    FW: Wait, aren’t I supposed to be able to relate to the protagonist or have sympathy for him? Isn’t that how this is supposed to work?

  5. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    DT: Dick knows that Chumbawamba are a bunch of filthy commie anarchists, doesn’t he? I’ll chalk this one up to opposition research.

  6. RavenHawk
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    The Amazingly Lame Spiderman: I know it’s Vegas, and all, but nobody (especially in a residential area), thinks it’s strange that there is a large chimpanzee walking down the street, alone?

    “Edgar! There’s a large monkey walking towards the Jenkins’ house!”

    “Yeah, I guess they do that kind of thing.”

  7. Chip Whittle
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    How could spending time with one of the many interchangeable men of Apartment 3-G be called “quality”?

  8. Alice
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Luann: Uh, Quill, you may want to see an optometrist. That kiss is no “strike.” Rosa’s kissing him on the…philtrum, apparently, while Gunther appears to be thinking, “I need an adult!”

  9. LurkerMan
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    That Dick Tracy is just surreal enough to make me forget the horror that is Spiderman. Who knew Dick was an anarchist?

  10. Doug Puthoff
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft–Making Crankshaft Santa Claus is like putting Jerry Sandusky in charge of a charity for boys.

  11. Kadzar
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Actually, he’s singing “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba. It is purely by coincidence that I know this.

  12. Chareth Cutestory
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: If I understand how the newspaper version of his Spidey Sense correctly, it should kick in mere moments after the chimp has finished mauling Spidey’s face, ripping off a few fingers, and mutilating his genitals.

    Crankshaft: Santa probably feels much safer knowing that freshly-irradiated children are sitting on his lap. Careful! His beard may fall off if you pull on it! But so will his teeth and patches of scalp.

    Dick Tracy: 1) That pot is huge and is going to make a LOT of chili. But Dick Tracy is a man, dammit, and chili is man food, dammit. 2) Flexing and posing while cooking might be a good workout, I’ll have to give it a shot. 3) I bet Dick Tracy mumbles over the parts in the song that talk about different drinks and “pissing the night away.” There are small ears present!

  13. Inkwell
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    At first I found it hard to believe that people call Dick Tracy for his chili often, and he was just deluding himself for ego’s sake. Then I noticed the creepy smile on that little boy. I don’t know what drugs he’s pumping into that stuff, but I’ve gotta try me some!

  14. pugfuggly
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    ASM Wow, look at detail put into that chimp in panel 2, and compare it to the half-assed depiction of Spidey swinging closer. Nice to know that the artist has as much contempt for the ‘hero’ of this strip as we do.

    Crank Any other Santa would have hung up the red suit after being peppersprayed by a small child. Not Crankshaft! “If I stop being the meanest, rudest more vile Santa in the state, then the children win…!

    DT “I knock you down, you don’t get up again,
    Ain’t nothing gonna bring you ’round
    So I bring you home, fire up the kitchen aid,
    and I get you all nicely ground…

    …hey Sam, care for some of my ‘special chili’…?”

  15. Holly Folly
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    I never noticed it before, but the backgrounds in Dick Tracy are quite well drawn. You get a feel for the large kitchen, and the stream coming off the chile with the juxtaposition of the snow falling gently outside. Unfortunately, this also made me hyper aware of how poorly apartment 3G is drawn. Since when did Margo and her crew get sucked into a blank netherworld filled with pictures and lamps?

  16. Here Come the Judge
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Tommie and LuAnn are grinning because they like watching Margo suffer. Who can blame them? It is sort of fun, in a train wreck sort of way.

    Either that, or they know the real reason Evan is “out of town all week”.

  17. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Frank & Ernest: What’s the joke here? That the parks department has finally discovered Dada?

    MW: Oh, hey, look at that thought bubble. I guess Jim hasn’t really given up trying to get into Dawn’s pants. He’s just changed tactics from being an overtly controlling aggro-maniac to creepy-ass arse-creeping nice guy, and you hafta to know Mary’s gonna back his play 100%. “Look, Dawn. He’s listened to you, been nice to you, and done stuff with you that you like to do. You didn’t have to let him be minimally decent to you, you know. Now you can either give him some honey, you filthy ignorant slut, or you can shut him down, again, you frigid cock-teasing bitch. Taupe-roll?”

    @Chip Whittle (#7): The Interchangeable Men of Apartment 3-G would make a pretty good avant-garde strip. By doing away with any pretense of plot and character, the strip strip will be free to explore the aimless angst of awkward 1950s white guys wandering the gray streets of New York as they try to flee the blue background people without looking like they’re fleeing. (And I think we all know what blue people signify in Apartment 3G.)

  18. bats :[
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    We’ll be spending a few days in Vegas (fer troo!), so we’ll be on the lookout for felonious chimps and Spidey! Should be pretty easy, since a lot of the show spectacles are dark the week before Christmas, and Peter and Cheeta will probably be walking the Strip, shaking down tourists for photo ops and collecting ho trading cards…

  19. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#18): Felonious Chimps is my new band’s name. (Felonious Mon-keys is my new Monkees cover jazz-piano quartet.)

  20. IagoPogo
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Re: Dick Tracy – I, meself, prefers to hum along with ‘Tequila’ by The Champs while shakin’ in some extra cumin on MY famous chili, but to each his tub-thumpin’ own, I suppose. Is that so wrong?

  21. gleeb
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Bastion of Law and Order Dick Tracy singing a song by a bunch of anarchists? I don’t buy it.

    Barney Google: “Dagnammit, none of them Smifs is any good in bed.”

    ‘bean: Remember, he’s going to expect you to work, not occupy a stool inhaling coffee all day like you do downstairs. And why is the guy who has been worrying about his income drying up suddenly not thinking about money? When you’re unemployed, money is a constant theme on one’s mind. Guess Batiuk forgot to do his research again. And lastly, the dwarf left? And we didn’t get a story about it? Man, you stink at writing, Batiuk.

    Three Parkers, No Waiting: Cowardly ex-Judge Parker skulks in the hall, afraid of his wife’s potential reaction. I’ll bet he was a real hard-ass in the courtroom.

    Bunny Hoest’s No Exit: Don’t worry, Loretta. Like Crazy Harry, Leroy can get a job involving something he loves, like liquor, or avoiding you.

    Pluggers: …support NEWSPAPERS, unlike you, you worthless anti-Plugger.

    Chix: What a twist! She says she’ll be working at an animal shelter, but in reality, she’s working at an animal shelter.

  22. Uncle Robot
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    LMAO. I love that Dick Tracy is listening to Chumbawamba!

    Uncle Robot

  23. Ethan Shuster
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Wow, “Crankshaft,” that certainly was some unfortunate timing.

  24. endless sky
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Cranky: The Secret Service/TSA screener elf is a nice touch. I’m just wondering how the scanner works – does pepper spray come only in metal cans?

  25. Zerowolf
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    FC: It’s the same tree you always have, melonhead. That piece of clip art has been recycled more times than I Love Lucy.

  26. TheDiva
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    A3G: This is going to end with Margo taking everyone’s Christmas things to the top of Mount Crumpet, isn’t it?

    C’shaft: Unfortunately Crankshaft was the one with the pepper spray, so this won’t make a difference.

    DT: Great, and now that song will be stuck in my head the rest of the day. Thank you so bloody much, Dick.

    SM: Well, this is moving rather fast. I expected at least another two weeks before Spidey figured out the thieving chimp thing.

  27. Zerowolf
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June recoils in horror that she may be in the same room as a poor person.

  28. Calico
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Ethan Shuster (#23):
    I was just thinking that. Blech.

  29. Zerowolf
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: With this strips lightning fast pacing, I’m sure this crisis will be over by Christmas 2017.

  30. TheDiva
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    FW: “Do you want to discuss this with your wife or anything?”
    “Who? Comic books comic books comic books!”

    GT: Scott is dealing with the loss of his younger brother. This is either the best or worst timing in the history of comics.

    Luann: You’re both wrong, this is foul.

    MW: .oO(That’s right, Dawn, we could be friends!)

    Phantom: “I’ve just shot you twice with an arrow, but I’m not going to hurt you!”

  31. Clint Brawny
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Poor timing for Crankshaft.

  32. Zerowolf
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    SF: A Very Special Stepforth Christmas continues…..

  33. Zerowolf
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Luann: Nothing says love like sucking out an eyeball.

  34. This Guy
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Crank: I was thinking that a metal detector probably wouldn’t be much good on largely-plastic pepper-spray devices, but then I realized that’s an airport-style body scanner. Being used on children. Pretty sure that just means Cranky is a pedo.

    H&L: I’m actually glad there’s a sign saying “MALL OFFICE” off to the right, or I would’ve assumed this was an unemployed Santa luring families into his home.

    Pluggers… may as well write “I couldn’t be arsed” on the gifts they give.
    Pluggers… are insufferably smug about their Luddism.
    Pluggers… don’t understand how question marks work.

  35. This Guy
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]


    // Know a time when there was nothing bad on TV? Before TV was invented.

    MW: If I’m reading this right, Jim is never gonna give Dawn up. He’s never gonna let her down, never gonna run around and hurt her…

  36. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    The oddity of a chimp casually running through Las Vegas neighborhoods was mentioned. No one will notice, though. They will all be watching Spider-man, as he webs his way after the chimp, using telephone poles and the occasional two storey house for anchor points.

  37. John C Fremont
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    As I get older, I find that I’ve become less and less curious about the world around me, and I simply accept things as they happen without question. There is one thing, however, that I really, honestly want to know. Why is veteran actor Don Porter sneaking around Judge Parker’s house and listening in on private conversations between a local judge and his stepmother? I mean, he worked with Ann Sothern, fer cryin’ out loud. And with Sally Field before she learned to fly. Plus, he’s dead. What’s he up to? What’s his motivation? Why, Don, why?

    Also, tarako pasta sauce. Why is it so addictive? And magnets. How do they work? And YouTube. Why isn’t it working for me today? I was all set to watch Killdozer this morning, damn it. Carl Betz and Neville Brand together on the same screen, and now I can’t watch it! Why, YouTube?

    Also, Pia Zadora. Wtf?

  38. Scott Free
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    DT: “special chili” is cop slang for “meth.”

  39. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#36): Oh, good. Webs. That’s how we’ll be able to tell the chimps apart.

  40. Mysterion
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    We got an urgent call from a friend of yours. 1998 wants this joke back.

  41. sully
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Why does the kid appear to be going through the metal detector on the way BACK from his visit with Cranky Claus? Why would any store hire back a miserable old prick to play Santa, especially if he had been involved in a pepper spray incident the year before? Why do I even bother commenting on such a miserable excuse for a comic strip? So many questions, so little point.

  42. Kevin
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    DT: Wasn’t one of the criminals of the past year also a fan of Chumbawumba? Is this narrative continuity <gasp>, or just a limited repertoire of the artist (and a sign that I pay too much attention to Dick Tracy)?

  43. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @sully (#41):
    ~sigh~ It’s hard to find a decent Santa these days.

  44. IagoPogo
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Scott Free (#38): …and we should all get off Scott Free, yeth? Extra points for anyone who can name another Cumbawumba tune without Googling!

  45. Chaze
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Gosh, what I wouldn’t give for a Dick Tracy mix tape. Gotta believe that House of Pain’s “Jump Around” would be on tap after “Tubthumping,” followed by some Gin n Juice toons from Snoop Doggie.

    Yeah, that DT is a hipster, alright.

  46. Chaze
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#45):

    By the way, do you think The Dickster is still singing along when they get to “pissing the night away?”

  47. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Archie: I think Archie here must be talking about the recession of 1990-91. That was the one that was generally attributed to a delayed reaction to the dot-com bubble bursting.

    This would fit in to our theory of early ’90s recycling.

  48. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MT: Way to go nature boy. You took a meal right out of that shark’s mouth. He’s got to eat too.

  49. Chaze
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    FW – So the guy with the one-armed wife is a little “short-handed,” eh? Insensitive bastard.

    JP – Without Avery Blackstone, this strip has become about as dynamic as Eno’s “Music for Airports” album. Which is to say, sleep inducing.

    MT – Otto has a “group plan.” Hey, it’s not every thug who provides benefits or his henchmen!

  50. Chaze
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MW -”Yeah, Jim, I worried about our friendship for awhile, but then I said “fuck it” and moved on.”

    DtM – I’m digging on the black Santa outfit and the black Christmas tree. Looks like a DKNY Christmas, dude.

  51. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    MW Oh, no! I thought we were done with this stupid arc. Ok, I was prepared for a week at the diner while Mary and Dawn went over the whole thing again. That’s expected. But then, surely, we’d start another story. But now we’re back at the pier! We’ll never escape!

    // This is a little preview of hell, isn’t it? Crap. Please, no. I’ll live a better life, honest I will!

  52. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I hope the chimp will make a total hash of this crime so the story will end faster. I swear I get a faint mental whiff of Kraven every time he shows up in the strip, and I’ll bet one of his super-powers is emptying nearby sinuses.

  53. Not Worth It
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#10): Since he was in charge of a charity for boys, does that make this strip kinda accurate?

  54. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Just pee on him, kids. Some of us will cheer.

  55. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Zippy: Semiotic Pizza! Is it lunch time yet?

  56. Gal Friday
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Crank: Super bad timing. Surely the syndication peeps and/or editors can just swap in a repeat when these things happen?

    DT: “Tubthumping”–this has made my day. Gotta start reading this strip again. I see Dick singing “Green Berets” or some Jack Jones myself.

  57. Bud
    December 15th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Kid (whose name I don’t recall or care to know): Hey Mr. Tracy! Why are you singing that song while you’re cooking?

    Dick Tracy: Because the lyrics fit the mood! After I’m finished cooking it, I’ll be “dishing it right away… dishing it right away!”

    Kid (mumbling to self): Asshole…

  58. Will
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: I wrap gifts the same way I have since I was a kid — with wrapping paper. I can’t think of the last time I saw a gift wrapped with the Sunday comics. And given the ever-shrinking dimensions of my paper, you’d be hard pressed to wrap anything larger than a clothespin with just one sheet.

  59. Calico
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#33):
    When Inuits take a seal for meat for their family, sometimes they give the eyeball(s) to someone as a token of honor. This happened with A. Bourdain when he visited Northern QC:
    (Use of hunting rifle in clip just FYI)

  60. damanoid
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    “Sorry, old pal. We got an urgent call from a friend of yours. It’s the I.T. guy who services our wrist-radios; apparently yours has been broadcasting on the police open channel for the last few hours, so everyone could hear you singing. Any chance we could get an encore of ‘Dancing Queen?’ “

  61. Calico
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#55):
    Is this a FW crossover?

  62. Peanut Gallery
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#Y22):

    it’s kind of a neat birthday, because I was born in ’56, and I’ll be 56. You only get one birthday like that

    For someone who was born in 2000, is it the 0th birthday (the actual day of birth) that counts, or the 100th, or both? If both, then someone born in 2001 could have two birthdays like that if they live to 101, and so forth. (Once a computer programmer, always a computer programmer. My first instinct is to look for the boundary conditions.)

    Oh, and Happy Birthday!!

  63. Calico
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Kevin (#42):
    I think that dude liked Men Without Hats (Ivan et al from Montreal).

  64. cheech wizard
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    I thought the current artists were striving to give us a more authentic Dick Tracy, complete with old-style gangsters, wrist gadgets, villains suffering horrible grisly deaths and even the Space Coup and Moon Maid, by gawd. So when Dick embraces any musical act more current than the Andrews Sisters, I have to cry foul.

  65. Missal
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I swear that isn’t Luann in panel 1, but Evan in drag. Or maybe Evan IS Luann in drag…

  66. Ursula
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: “Here’s how this is going to work, girl” !?!?!?! You notice how he had to keep repeating the word “Girl” again and again all week?

    I really hope this fantasy gets interrupted by another lion, who takes Mr. Stripy-Pants-arrogance down permanently, and we move onto the next generation of Phantoms.

  67. GeoGreg
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Free (#38):
    DT: If “special chili” is slang for meth, does that mean we can expect a visit from Breaking Bad‘s Jesse Pinkman? “Chili-P, yo!” Tracy vs. Heisenberg would be a fun story, I bet. And now I’m not-so-secretly hoping someone has already made this mash-up.

  68. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#51):

    But now we’re back at the pier! We’ll never escape!

    As I’ve said before, I fear our beloved Charterstone Pool Parties will be supplanted by this sad Santa Royale pier party. Boardwalk boredom and Coney Island ‘dogs are no substitute for the Camerons and salmon squares!

  69. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#54):

    Just pee on him, kids. Some of us will cheer.

    Hmm… could there be a Marvin/Crankshaft mash-up in our future?

  70. HAnzMFG
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Careful, Spidey! I hear that monkey wields a devastating double eye-poke.

  71. Uncle Lumpy
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @GeoGreg (#67):

    … does that mean we can expect a visit from Breaking Bad‘s Jesse Pinkman?

    Just in case there’s anybody who hasn’t seen the Taylor Swift / Breaking Bad mashup, here it is.

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    C-Shaft: Some kid pepper sprayed Crankshaft last year? It was probably warranted.

    A3G: Hey maybe Margo will learn that Evan is undercutting her at the agency and send a bounty hunter after him. That’s what I want for Christmas anyway.

    DT: What with Dick getting down to a 90s party anthem written by a bunch of English Marxists, I think I’m well on the way to having seen everything.

    Ziggy: Oh, he’ll do it. If you bet on Ziggy abasing himself in the vague hope of appeasing his housepets, it’s easy money.

    Baldo: Little Gracie’s off on a tear now. “Why back in my day we listened to real music, not all this rap junk.”

    RMMD: At the very least I hope “they” actually did get it all, and that her doctors aren’t in the same class of incompetence as Lisa Moore’s.

    Garfield: This spider should have known enough to give Garfield a wide berth. At least I’m assuming that Garf is the reason for the two missing legs.

    HtH: “You see, the queen has to handle all major purchases and do the payroll for the army, since the king’s reason has been stolen by syphilis.”

    Phantom: All afternoon, Kit did things with the sedated lioness. Things he could never tell Diana about.

    FC: Billy demonstrates all the joy and spontaneity of a reluctant SNL host reading off of cue cards, and if that’s not the Christmas spirit I don’t know what is.

    Luann: Thanks to modern communications technology, Quill’s got a prime view of Rosa licking boogers out of Gunther’s nose.

    S4th: Nicely done, Ces.

    H&J: Jamaal wants you to know that he objects morally to the shows he masturbates to.

  73. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#50): Santa heard that black suits were slimming and decided to hell with tradition.

  74. BigTed
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    If Spider-Man wants to understand weird occurrences, maybe he should start by figuring out why someone has painted scenery — with the sky, phone lines, a condominium and a palm tree — on the side of the building he’s obviously clinging to. (Otherwise he would just be holding onto thin air, and that would be impossible, right?) And then, he might look into why and how someone has hung a hook in the sky. (Because that’s the only explanation for him being able to swing through the empty yard next to some low buildings, yes?) C’mon, Spidey, solve these mysteries!

  75. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#35): Oh dear God! It’s 2012 and Karen Moy is rickrolling us?

  76. BigTed
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft may be able to keep those kids from smuggling in weapons, but he’ll soon find out that some of them are carrying more than three ounces of liquid, if you know what I mean.

  77. cheech wizard
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    The real Dick Tracy doesn’t cook, unless it’s wrongdoers trapped in a blazing inferno of their own making.

  78. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    rIP: NSFBG!!!

    R&R: for Dolly Madison, in particular.

    SBp: goats! (yodle-le yodle-le, yodle-le-ee-hoo)

    Bizarro: Santa already knows where the naughty girls are.

    OBH: seems legit.

    Pluggers is on to us!

    6Cx: d’awwwwwww.

  79. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .outdoor blowjobs. no interpretation necessary on THIS one.

  80. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Turn off the italics!

  81. mumbles
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman: I’d be more impressed with this story line if it wasn’t a ripoff of the 1970s cult classic “The Doberman Gang” (replace chimps for Dobermans). But they can redeem themselves if they start wearing shearling coats.

  82. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#80): There’s the italics and there’s also the comment numbers rolling over with my last comment. Josh’s server must be having a midlife crisis.

  83. Chyron HR
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    SM – Aaaaagh! “Moe” this and “moe” that! I’m so sick of everything being “moe” these days!

  84. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#82): You know, when this is fixed, our comments won’t make any sense at all.

    //Why should I be any different?

  85. Uncle Lumpy
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#84):

    This is fixed! Your comments don’t make any sense at all!

    Carry on.

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    *makes cuteness overload face*. of course you can!!!

    Lockhorns, Poteet version.

    Durex ads for the coming end of the world.

    Sequitur’s walking stick.

    Scooby Gang cosplay rather naughty caption.

    geeky matrimonial win

    The Daily Puppy is a cute Pit-mix.

    Santa Corg is comin’. The poem that goes with these pictures is classic, go to OCD to see it entire.

  87. Roy of the Limberlost
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]


    The cartoony artwork was a Trojan Horse. The made Dick Tracy a Red!

  88. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    saw “The Hobbit” this a.m, IMAX 3-D.

    very impressive, and even had a bit of a visual ref to the Rankin Bass animated version.

    me likee.

  89. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#86): Eight tiny reindeer… or are those corgibou? (I can never tell the difference.)

  90. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

  91. Liam
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    MW-”I know that you rejected me because of my incestuous feelings for my sister that you look exactly like.”

    Spiderman-”Wait a minute! What did I attach my webbing to,” Spiderman thinks before falling on his face.

    FW-You pay too? I guess I don’t have to resort to give blowjobs down at the bus station for money.

    Gil Thorp-Oh great! Another comic with a dead sibling in it. Did this guy have incestuous thoughts of his brother.

    Love Is-And blowing something else.

    MT-You’re an idiot, Mark. You should have let Otto died.

    MT 2-I couldn’t watch those sharks tear him apart. I want the privilege of killing him.

    RMMD-Have you thought about prostitution?

  92. Baka Gaijin
    December 15th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    167 Pluggers got food poisoning at their favorite buffet.

  93. Liam
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Aruba sounds like a great place. I heard you can lose yourself in Aruba. Why don’t you to go Aruba and get lost?

    Dick Tracy-I bet Dick’s chili is meaty and very spicy.

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#89): “corgibou”


  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#91): “RMMD-Have you thought about prostitution?”

    she’d have to move to Westview. . . .

  96. Mibbitmaker
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    JP: So, the younger Parker will not suffer stepmom Katherine’s wrath over the idea of eloping — but her husband the elder Parker sure is going to! That’s cold, Katherine!

    R&R: That wasn’t exactly Schulz’s idea. It was commercial television’s.

  97. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#92): Ha ha! I went to a GC like that in Iowa years ago. I had never seen so many houseflies flying around in a restaurant and the food was awful. I never went back and it closed about a year later.

  98. Baka Gaijin
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#96) on Red and Rover: I miss the Dolly Madison commercials interspersed during the initial decade or so of the Peanuts specials’ run.

    @Poteet (#97): Sadly I’ve been to a number of Golden Corrals. The latter part of the name is very apt.

  99. Droopy Says
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @mumbles (#81): I’m impressed that Spiderdork is ripping off an actual story, no matter how badly. I had thought this was all totally random.

  100. Weaselboy
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: The question mark at the end of the caption is incorrect. Other than that, nice job, Unidentified Pluggers Idea Submitter!

  101. Downpuppy Weatherwax
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

  102. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

  103. Downpuppy Weatherwax
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#99): If it makes you feel better, he’s closer to ripping off The Murders in the Rue Morgue, which was responsible for 2/3 of my childhood nightmares.

  104. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#85): Lkdfjaij weiohaq aoiidjg aijiajs!!

  105. This comic changed 2321 hours and 34 minutes ago
    December 15th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    JP: Katherine Parker’s got a bangin’ booty!

  106. John C Fremont
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    After finishing his chili, Dick Tracy will relax with a drink or two. He’ll drink a whiskey drink. He’ll drink a vodka drink. He’ll drink a lager drink. He’ll drink a cider drink.

  107. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#106): And he’ll end up with this.

  108. This Guy
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#83): I have to say, I don’t think the chimp is all that moe. Nor is the strip in general, for that matter.

  109. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#107): or this, Jamus has the truth of it.

  110. Alison
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    “Dick Tracy”: This strip would be all sorts of terrific if every day featured Dick singing a different one-hit-wonder song! On another note, that child actually looks human, not like a deformed mutant as the rest of the characters are, and it’s actually very jarring. He looks like he wandered in from a different strip.

    “Mary Worth”: “I knew you wouldn’t give up on our wonderful friendship! We saw each other at least three times, and only a cold-hearted bastard would give up on a friendship like that!”

    “Luann”: This is not amusing. Something is wrong with Gunther, and for once I don’t mean that in a snarky way. He is way too terrified of Rosa for this to be normal. If he was in the awkward 12-14 age range it would work, but he is 17 or 18 now, right? His behavior is uncomfortable to watch.

    “Crankshaft”: Oh please, as if it would have been a kid spraying Crankshaft with pepper-spray. More like the other way around.

  111. Sequitur
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

  112. tallyHO
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#72):

    You mean when he rubs his chin, right?

  113. Dale
    December 15th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#91):

    MARK TRAIL is an idiot. But, he is safer with Otto alive.
    Even Mark had the sense to say, “What about your friends?”

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 15th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#112): I’m pretty sure you’re referring to my Herb and Jamaal comment, but the disquieting possibility remains that you’re talking about Ziggy.

  115. Droopy Says
    December 15th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy Weatherwax (#103): I would feel even better if Moe stuffs Spiderdork’s fetid corpse up a chimney. Or a waterspout; I’m not fussy, and would enjoy the chance to sing something about an itsy-bitsy spider.

  116. Liam
    December 15th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-Sadly Shemp’s role is that of love interest for Kraven.

  117. Ginger
    December 15th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    SPIDERMAN: Now I know what Spiderman could possibly be attaching his webs to when he swings out in the suburbs: his own thought balloons.

  118. Zerowolf
    December 15th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#110): “that child actually looks human, not like a deformed mutant as the rest of the characters are, and it’s actually very jarring. He looks like he wandered in from a different strip.”

    We can safely rule out Rusty from Mark Trail or any of the Keane Melonheads….

  119. Alice
    December 15th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#110): Agreed re Gunther. Just as uncomfortable for me to watch is Rosa’s continuing interest in him. What on Earth does she see in Gunther? I’m tempted to say she’s simply overly desperate for a boyfriend, due to low self-esteem or whatever. But if that were the case, you’d think she’d go for Les who, his creepiness and aggression aside, at least presumably knows how to goddamn hold a girl’s hand and reciprocate a hug or kiss. Not for someone who can’t take, well, “TAKE ME NOW” for an answer.

    And all this because Evans feels the need to stretch out plot arcs artificially and ad nauseum, which I assume is because he’s just that stymied for new ideas. If so, he should cut his losses and either end the strip or pass the writing on to someone else. Worked for Sally Forth.

  120. tallyHO
    December 15th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#114):
    I’m pretty sure you’re referring to my Herb and Jamaal comment…

    Yes. Indeed I was.
    I forgot to quote your line about H & J.

  121. tallyHO
    December 15th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#114):

    Actually, upon further (too much) consideration, the notion that JammyJam puts the lotion on his chin and is pleased, is, well, to risk repeating myself, too much. *

    *ditto with these commas! way too much!

  122. tallyHO
    December 15th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]


    Sooooooooo, the kids go through the metal detector after they sit on Santa’s lap?

  123. Shrug, With a Low-Tech Solution
    December 15th, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @endless sky (#24):

    “Cranky: The Secret Service/TSA screener elf is a nice touch. I’m just wondering how the scanner works – does pepper spray come only in metal cans?”

    The “scanner” is a hollow mockup, but inside it are a number of gerbils who are seriously allergic to pepper. At the sound of multiple gerbil sneezes, the elf leaps forward and wrestles the perp to the ground.

    /// “Multiple Gerbil Sneezes” would be a lousy name for a band.

  124. Shrug, a.k.a. "Snark No Evil"
    December 15th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Spidey realizes that in today’s highly competitive job market, even trained chimps with a Las Vegas act (a) need a second job and (b) have to specialize if they hope to achieve same. So monkey Moe specializes in stealing diamond tiaras, while Larry fences the jewels and Curley launders the money and fills out the fraudulent income tax forms.

    /// If theydo get busted, Shemp takes the fall. Nobody liked Shemp.

  125. Liam
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-”How are the kids supposed to defend themselves from Cranky?”

  126. Mr. O'Malley
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#110): @Alice (#119): What’s unrealistic about Gunther is that if he had been brought up to be like that, there’s no way he would have been allowed to be out with a girl.

  127. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — Gunther and Rosa are both supposed to be human, so they should have pretty much the same head shape. I wish Evans would get over his notion that men have heads like lima beans and women have heads like waterfalls. Toni and Brad have the same problem.

  128. Dartpaw86
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Moe stole Diamond Tiara, all the Bronies rejoiced.

  129. Shrug, Voice Joining Mind in Gutter
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#52):

    “I get a faint mental whiff of Kraven every time he shows up in the strip, and I’ll bet one of his super-powers is emptying nearby sinuses.”

    Kraven adds song styling to his animal act, singing:

    “Twas an evening in Lost Wages, I was down among the cages
    And was planning out a heist with monkey Moe,
    While a hero not-so super pushed along his pooper scooper
    As the other chimpees helped me in my show.
    In my sweaty fur attire still to fame I did aspire
    Till Poteet passed by and snarkingly did say,
    “You can tell an evil wrong-o by the nature of his pong, oh!”
    And the chimps threw up and quickly swung away.”

  130. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#86): I’d date either of them before I’d date Gunther.

  131. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

  132. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Voice Joining Mind in Gutter (#129): Thanks, I needed that laugh.

  133. Poteet
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Voice Joining Mind in Gutter (#129): And if I had a float, that would ride!

  134. Citric
    December 15th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#13): Well, first he puts in a whiskey drink, then a lager drink…

  135. Alison
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#119):
    Rosa’s interest in a guy who practically runs away when she gets near him is definitely weird, but I’ve noticed that kind of thing seems to happen a lot in this strip. It’s as if certain people have to hang out with each other, or go on dates with each other, and no one cares a bit if the other people like them or not. Crystal and Tiffany always hang out together, even though Crystal is constantly insulting Tiffany. Quill showed no signs he wanted to be anything other than friends with Luann, but they’ve mutually agreed to be a couple. Toni risked her job for Brad, her supposed boyfriend, but he won’t so much as kiss her, and certainly not have sex with her. Bernice is Luann’s bestie and yet she is always sarcastic and vaguely bitchy to Luann. It’s all very weird and I don’t understand it at all.

  136. Alison
    December 15th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#126):
    Good point. Perhaps Gunther is so damn nervous because he’s anticipating a tongue-lashing from the ‘rents when he gets home. “You weren’t out with a female, were you? Gunther, you go straight to your room! And you can just stay there until you forget about this girl and go back to thinking about more appropriate things, like sewing worm costumes.”

  137. Baka Gaijin
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#116): Hey, that’s still better than most of the singles in Luann.

    @Alice (#119): Here’s a different thought. Maybe Rosa’s a lesbian. She’s going after a guy she know won’t try to put his icky dicky in her. Ever. Once she goes to college she can explore her sexuality freely without the enforced groupthink of high school ridiculing her for being “different.”

    @Alison (#136): Gunther has one ‘rent, his mother. A creepy controlling mother who seems to have been modeled after Norma Bates. Now I’m all sad that I remember that.

  138. Peanut Gallery
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Her guilty feet have got no rhythm.

  139. Peanut Gallery
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    DT – A jar of cumin the size of a flour canister? He must shop at Costco.

  140. Peanut Gallery
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

  141. Peanut Gallery
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#55): The little-seen sequel to Mystic Pizza. It’s set in the small town of Semiotic, Idaho.

  142. Uncle Lumpy
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#135):

    All Luann characters are defined exclusively by their relationship to the Designated Good Girls, Luann and Toni (and walk-on DGGs Delta, Crystal, Nancy DeGroot, and Rosa).

    A man may affiliate passively with a DGG (Quinn and all prior Luann-affiliates, Brad, new Knute, Frank DeGroot, and Gunther); which makes him a Good Guy, compliant to the interests of the DGG. Or he may remain neutral to all DGGs (old Knute, TJ, Ox, Jonah Daytona), which makes him wacky and/or suspect. Finally, he may act in opposition to a DGG (Dirk, Leslie Knox), which makes him bad. Note that Delta can’t have a black boyfriend because nobody — least of all Delta — would tolerate a black man who acted even remotely like Brad, Frank DeGroot, Gunther, etc. Elwood Druit is the most interesting character in the strip, if only because his situation and motivations are imperfectly known.

    Women are defined the same way — Bernice can be sarcastic and vaguely bitchy toward Luann, but her behavior is inconsequential because a) she’s Luann’s bestie — it doesn’t matter what she says or does, and b) Luann never pays the slightest attention to what she says or does. Self-absorbed Tiffany is indifferent toward Luann (she lashes out only when Luann’s reputation threatens to eclipse her own), therefore wacky/suspect. Ann Eiffel, acting in opposition to Toni, is of course evil.

    It’s a completely static universe, which is a great strength when you want a strip to run unchanged for decades, but a weakness when you wear out yet another one-dimensional “male lead” and need to ship him overseas.

  143. Peanut Gallery
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#80): The little-seen sequel to Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. Everyone stayed away because it sounded like some sort of ethnic slur.

  144. Liam
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann-You would pepper spray Santa too if he told bad puns.

  145. Liam
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I thought of Evan first and then my parents and finally you guys. So when all my other options are exhausted I turn to you guys my friends for help.”

  146. tallyHO
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    One thing that gets me about this Dick Tracy is that he presumes that a special call on his wrist walkie-talkie is not an emergency, unless you consider a craving for a bowl of chili an emergency.

    Hmmmm…I suppose ingesting a bowl of chili could result in not only temporary comfort for an eater during the wintertime, it could also help in a tense situation where it could either result in releasing tension or in “smoking out the bad guys”.

  147. tallyHO
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or do you long for the days when chimpanzees were just monkeys-of-all-trades and specialists of none?

  148. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Slylock“Where do each of these animals live?”
    1) Zoo. 2) Zoo. 3) Zoo. 4) Under a trailer. At the zoo.

    Loser – Second vulture joke in two days. Carry on, gentlemen, carry on.

    Dick – Man, Tracy’s no slouch when he cooks chili. I mean that literally! Other people stand and sort of slump while they’re stirring away, but he looks like he’s doing calisthenics for a TV show or posing for an Iron Man competition.

  149. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Hi – Santa’s about to get one really long break.

    Cucaracha guessed wrong about what kind of horrible violence we’d be reeling from today. Well, the day’s not over yet, I suppose.

    love is… …lying on your stomach, blowing bubbles in the air.

    Grimm – I’m guessing “Four Balling Kurds” was nixed by the bluenoses at the syndicate.

  150. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – Why are you asking me? It’s your goddamn comic!

    6 – Ha ha! It’s funny because it’s… they’re… it’s actually… okay, it’s not funny. I want my laff back.

    Spider-ManNow Spidey tries to stop Moe the chimp from committing a crime, only to get a poke in both eyes, an up-n-down, and a metallic CLANK on the head with a tire iron. [godDAMNit, HAnzMFG!]

  151. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y23): LEMONADE JOE (aka LIMONADOVY JOE) is a top ten favorite for me. First saw it on KLZ’s afternoon movie show, and host Starr Yelland was a bit mystified as he explained that they showed this and it got such a response they were showing it again. My sister and I watched in amazement as it unfolded — a Czech musical parody of Westerns with a hint of anti-capitalism. And I checked the movie listings for decades waiting for it to come back. Finally, on a trip to Colorado, a friend had found it at the library — a friend who, before I ever met him, was watching the same movie on KLZ. They pretty much never show it on TV.

    YouTube had a subtitled, widescreen version, but it’s gone now. There are brief clips, some parodies, a cover version or two, a band named after the movie, and two or three full productions of the 1930s stage version that preceded the 1964 film. Oh, and a full-length widescreen version with no subtitles and a voice that comes on and reads any words on the screen, in a language that’s not English.

    Okay, here’s a small-screen download with subtitles and not-quite full-width aspect. Link is only good for about a week. The only other subtitled file I have is 1GB, this is a bit over a third of that. I spent the last hour and a half finding it and uploading it. EVERYBODY DOWNLOAD THIS OR FACE A LIFETIME OF REGRET AND A PAUPER’S GRAVE. MERE HYPERBOLE CANNOT DO IT JUSTICE. YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY. DOLL DOES NOT SING AND DANCE. OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE INSIGNIFICANT WORMS AND PROBABLY DO NOT EXIST.

    Let me just say, it’s an incredible outpouring of inventive filmmaking. Hogofogo’s song (while he’s posing as a blind piano tuner) is outstanding, and was probably cut from the version we saw back then. Just to whet your appetite, here’s Milos Kopecky, who played the villainous Hogofogo, delivering a hella wicked Mackie Messer with a hot chorus line.

    (Thanks to you and Sequitur and FOOBED no more for your kind and utterly impractical birthday wishes. And Dr Handsome, I see your point.)

  152. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#34): Pluggers… may as well write “I couldn’t be arsed” on the gifts they give.
    People I know always got a kick out of nontraditional wrapping paper. Newspaper pages, aluminum foil… one time I drew a sheet of “Brand X Wrapping Paper” (with faulty repetition of design elements) and my cousin liked it more than the incense it was wrapped around.

    @Peanut Gallery (#62): Being born in ’56 means I don’t have to think about border conditions. Ha ha! I should have a drink now.

  153. Ukulele Ike
    December 15th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#137): Norman Bates’ mom was named Norma? You got to be foolin’ me.

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#151): Thanks, Muff. DLing now.

    // I’d return the favor with Carry On Camping (nudist), but it’s over 1G, and really, it sucks. But if you want, and you show me how, I’ll put it up.

  155. endless sky
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    DT: Everyone seems to have been distracted by the music, but I’m still fixated on that kitchen. The industrial style chef-worthy stove and hood, the tiled backsplash, the 12 foot ceiling. Who knew that Tracy lived in a million dollar loft?

  156. Ukulele Ike
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#151): here’s Milos Kopecky, who played the villainous Hogofogo, delivering a hella wicked Mackie Messer with a hot chorus line.

    Please, Lord, let me be half as cool as that man.

  157. Mr Frog
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo’s overdramatic gesticulation in panel two conveniently blocks what would have been the first view of an A3Girl’s hips in my immediate memory. I’d be outraged, but honestly, who actually wants to see Tommie’s hips?

  158. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mr Frog (#157): I like big hips, and I cannot lie. But in this case, they probably aren’t, and, as you say, who cares?

  159. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 15th, 2012 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154): Thanks, but the movie’s online, so I can look at it if I get motivated enough.

    @Ukulele Ike (#156): Heh heh. I love those moments where he doesn’t even lip synch. A true master.

  160. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y22): I thought I’d just make it in under the wire to wish you a happy birthday, but it’s too late now; the moment has passed. (But I hope it was a good one!)

    Just resurfacing after submitting the last of my semester grades. Belated congrats to the funny float-folk!

  161. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#142): Jonah Daytona? Really?

    @Ukulele Ike (#153): A-yup. “Normal” is the name of Bates’ personality when he wasn’t the psycho or the mother personalities. I kid you not.

    @endless sky (#155): I’d wondered that too. Maybe he lives in an Ikea? An ex-Bennigan’s?

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#160): Woo hoo! Last grades! Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, or whatever holiday you celebrate where ever you are.

  162. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#161): Thanks! Right now, I’ll celebrate any holiday you can throw at me.

  163. Droopy Says
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Yes, there’s nothing like pursuing a runaway chimp down a dark deserted street in Las Vegas, because it’s the City That Shuts Down At Night.

    Spiderdick, again: Is that Larry or Curly with Kraven? Either way, can you blame him for his dejected posture? He’s eating a third rate banana as he plays second banana to a guy who is bananas!

    Flunky: Crazy? Don’t tell Funky to bite his tongue. I’m pretty sure that’s how he makes his peperoni slices.

    Mark Tral: Plus, pecans are great in pies.

    Phantom: A head-butt, O Ghost-Who-Concusses?

    Pluggers: I’ve seen Plugger houses. They never take down their Christmas decorations. Instead they complain how the August heat and sun rotted the insulation on the wires.

  164. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 16th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    I think it was Mr. O’Malley who recommended Flann O’Brien’s work some time ago. Just got around to reading The Third Policeman.

    Thank you.

  165. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#159): I just missed your birthday by four minutes, Iowa time, but happy belated!

  166. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    MT — Yum, pecans! Around here we especially like the ones grown in Missouri.

  167. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    GA — If forced to choose at gunpoint, I think I’d rather be married to Leroy Lockhorn than Slim. At least Leroy goes to a lot of parties.

  168. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#160): It’s not too late. Not only was I born in Santa Ana, CA, but I was officially born at 11:59 pm, and I learned just four or five years ago that I was actually born at the stroke of midnight, and they gave Mom (who had been in labor for a moderately ungodly amount of time) the option of choosing my birthday. Nero’s birthday, or Beethoven’s birthday? She opted for Nero, but I’m willing to accept happy birthday wishes even after the wire, is my point. Yours too, Poteet!

  169. Poteet
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    MW — Friends with no benefits whatsoever and for the love of god this story is over shut it down shut it down shut it down please please shut it down

  170. Dale
    December 16th, 2012 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#168):

    There’s an old joke – Hurry up! I want the tax deduction for this year.

  171. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#168): Happy Birthday, then! :)

  172. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    9CL: Shouldn’t the groom also be part of this conversation?

    //Partly I’m being snarky, but I’m also just baffled. The rabbi (and friend) who oversaw our wedding just assumed we’d both be part of any conversation involving the form and structure of the vows, as did we. What kind of weirdo envisions this happening without the groom being present?

    Oh, yeah, right, McE, Burbers, etc., carry on.

  173. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    That monkey is showing off his great “giving head” technique. Now we know why Kraven the Hunter puts up with all the monkeyshines and poop throwing.

    Today’s Marvin should be shown in 8th Grade sex-ed classes. If that doesn’t get the girls to clamp their legs shut, nothing will.

    The room where The Lockhorns are partying is slightly disturbing. Why is there no floor?

  174. Jason1981
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#91):

    S-M: Spidey should know better. Only Batman can get away with swinging from a rope that attaches to nothing – because he’s Batman and has at least a million plans for that exact situation.

  175. Baka Gaijin
    December 16th, 2012 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Over on the waterfront, Dawn is enjoying their friendship. Jim is mentally kicking himself for not having Dawn sit on his left so he could, lizard-like, escape her “friendship.”

    Plugger Alert on Ted Forth: eating food in the store before paying for it is one of the first signs of impending Pluggerdom.

  176. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    December 16th, 2012 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    The next day’s headline in Spider-man is obviously, “Peter Parker, as ‘Spider-man’, found in possession of missing ape, stolen diamond” with the sub-heading “Bail set at zero; not seen as flight risk as long as cell has a TV”.

  177. Owen
    December 16th, 2012 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    With hindsight, it now becomes clear why Chumbawamba decided to split up in July after a career spanning thirty years: thanks to the newspaper comics industry’s long lead times, they were given advance notice that comics’ most reactionary, right wing crime fighter was soon to be seen unironically singing their biggest hit, and realised that that they had completely failed in their anarchist mission.

    …or did they split because after this high water mark, there was nothing left for them to achieve?

  178. KreatureFeatures
    December 16th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Unnoticed in all the excitement is that Spiderman now shoots webs from his crotch.

  179. hogenmogen
    December 16th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy used to have cool gadgets so far ahead of the times that the artists had to label the “2-way wrist radio” so that people would understand why they were speaking into their watches. Now we have hands free cell phones, which are far more advanced than anything in the DT communication arsenal. With a hands-free set, you don’t have to veer off the road because you were holding your arm in an ostentatious manner and staring at your wrist.

  180. Anonymous
    December 17th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Josh – you don’t know how long of a pause I took to laugh at “Can a trained chimp be held liable for a crime?” Thank you.

  181. usernamesareadrag
    December 19th, 2012 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure why people complain about the Spiderman comic. It’s really very educational. For instance, in this story-line we’ve learned that chimpanzees are the ultimate criminals and no one, not even super heroes, can catch them. Either that or Spiderman is lazy and a coward who doesn’t want to touch a probably rabid chimp.

  182. maillot de foot
    June 13th, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Great, thanks for sharing this blog.Thanks Again. Will read on…

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