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Wednesday first one-liners of 2013 one-liners

Archie, 1/2/13

This sick burn on Mannequin 2: On The Move and/or soulless corporate control of all media was probably more pointed back when the strip first ran in the early ’90s, when Mannequin 2: On The Move was a recent memory and we hadn’t yet resigned ourselves to soulless corporate control of all media.

Crankshaft, 1/2/13

The sad, love-starved souls in the Funkyverse think that gently resting your back against somebody else’s back qualifies as “cuddling.”

Heathcliff, 1/2/13

Heathcliff’s owner has lost a bet to his cat, and because they’re not allowed to bet for money, he’s now subject to humiliation and physical abuse on his own front lawn.

Shoe, 1/2/13

Biz’s old buddy Zeke is going to die soon.

Ziggy, 1/2/13

Ziggy is sick and tired of working so hard to prevent his animal friends from killing each other.

Marmaduke, 1/2/13

Translation: WWHOORRRR WHOOORRRRORRR HORROR HORROR KILL KILL I WORSHIP THE DEMON BLOOD GOD BELOW

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