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Actually, internment camps for freedom are exactly what I’d expect in Dick Tracy

Heathcliff, 1/18/13

I am seriously puzzled about just what exactly Heathcliff’s puppet-thing is supposed to be. The holes (or are they just black dots?) and the general shape and the proximity to mice remind me of a stereotypical wedge of cartoon Swiss cheese that the colorists have misjudged into greenness. But perhaps not? Maybe it’s some sort of weird makeshift sponge-puppet? I’m a little resentful about the ambiguity, because it’s distracting me from the delightful main point of the strip, which is that Heathcliff rules the local mice as a brutal dictator, demanding not just that they obey him in deed, but that they love him, deep in their souls. Heathcliff’s second-rate ventriloquist antics are in fact an elaborate test of loyalty. The two unhappy mice in the back of the queue here will soon be reported by informers to his brutal Happiness Police.

Judge Parker, 1/18/13

Judge Parker’s seems to be on the verge of a new plot that will test the philosophical boundaries of its own fictional universe. Specifically, it will answer the question we’ve all wondered about: is there a sum of money so large that it can, when spent, actually have a noticeable effect on the balance sheet of the Spencer-Driver clan? Keep in mind that Neddy, Sam and Abbey’s daughter, is a college student, and yet today’s strip reveals that she has her own private banker. One assumes that, in order for this to even get on her parents’ radar, these “large withdrawals” involved a fleet of armored trucks guarded by elite French special forces troops.

Dick Tracy, 1/18/13

Wow, it turns out I my interpretation of Lake Freedom’s significance was all wrong! Because it turns out that underneath Lake Freedom there’s an internment camp. That’s symbolism, guys, symbolism about America, really makes you think, hmm?

Spider-Man, 1/18/13

Sometimes conventional law enforcement in the Newspaper Spider-Man world is also super-incompetent, probably mostly to make Spidey feel better about himself.

287 responses to “Actually, internment camps for freedom are exactly what I’d expect in Dick Tracy

  1. Abby, the Wonderdog
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    June didn’t see the Drop Gun in the drawer.

    Oh no, who is going to get shot?

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

    Blam! Blam! Blam!

    Then Rex can wage in on the Natioanal gun debate.

  2. RavenHawk
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    ASM: Once again, the whole “spidey sense” thing, turns out to be a load of crap.

  3. lorne
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    -”No, no, Heathcliff wouldn’t have an actual ventriloquist dummy. That’s just not believable. He’s have some kind of improvised hand puppet thing…”
    -”But is it even believable for a cat to be sitting in a chair to entertain a crowd of talking mice?”
    -”WHY DO YOU HATE ME?”

  4. pugfuggly
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    DT I hope that when I grow old I’ll be rich enough to have access to a pneumatic standing toilet and a personal assistant who doesn’t get queasy!

    ASM “He said that my shoe was untied, and after a careful inspection of both feet…”

  5. Chareth Cutestory
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: I would like to make a joke about all the sweat that is literally flying off Sweatbox’s face, but as a gentleman in his early 30′s who now has to go to the gym with more frequency all I can do is offer sympathy.

  6. Froggy
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MW: “How can perfection be improved upon?” Please Mr. Dill, you’ve got a long way to go before a question like this should cross your mind. (Hey, there are flowers on that cake. Flowers are in nature, right?)

  7. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    MT-So Mark named him Rusty? What was his name before Rusty?

    MW-”Perfect is as perfect does. And I should know since I am perfect.”

    MW 2-What are you going to do with all the caked that you bake? How many people are there in Santa Royale that you can pass off cakes to?

    MW 3-”Some moron on a park bench said something like that last night and I liked it so much I’m going to use variations on it from now on.”

    MW 3-”We shall bake cakes until I don’t see the twisted burning wreckage of Aldo’s car anymore.”

    DT-They’ve found the remains of the people they didn’t move before flooding the area.

    Pluggers-I love the smell of oil burning on my engine block in the morning.

    FW-That’s what you get for showing happiness. Now the gods that control Westview shall take your father away.

    FC-I love how Dolly is in drill sergeant mode here.

    JP-”No. I need you to book me a flight on the Concorde this minute. I need to be in Paris to look at these records personally. Don’t tell me that they don’t fly the Concorde anymore. I have plenty of money to get them to refly the Concorde just for me.”

    Archie-”Archibald, if there is one thing that I’ve learned about women from my years of avoiding them it is this: Veronica is trying to make you jealous.”

  8. Here come the Judge
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    It just hit me- Katherine and Sophie seem to be the only two females in the current Judge Parker cast who do not possess cartoonishly large bosoms. Maybe they drink bottled water?

  9. Comrade Denny
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    DT: I like it that they call dumping dissidents in a lake an “interment camp.”

  10. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    JP-”Sam, can you move that piece of paper. The audience can’t see my breasts.”

  11. Inkwell
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Kraven has escaped! The only man we can count on now is…

    …well, Kraven. Everyone else is kind of retarded.

  12. McManx
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    DTracy — While Mark Trail experiments with occupation-related nicknames (Bluegill, etc.), Dick Tracy proves once again that it is king of the nasty, revolting physical-attibute nickname. Sweatbox… ugh.

    Spidermange — I would marvel at Kraven’s daring escape except in the Spidey universe, the cops probably lost Kraven while they were circling the building looking for a parking place.

    Phantom — Now we’ve got a new lion coming up. That guarantees about another six weeks of this convoluted story line trying to establish why these guys are trying to sabotage their own operation.

  13. Mibbitmaker
    January 18th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Spongebob Moldpants.

    JP: “Neddy can’t be doing this! It’s not like money grows on trees for this…. family…. or…. any…. Oh, wait, this is a Woody Wilson strip! Nevermind….”

    DT: Either the confession was by Japanese-Americans in the early 1940s, or Staton and Curtis are as far to the left as Gould was to the right.

    In the “culture wars”, Dick Tracy is vehemently opposed to himself!

    S-M: Kraven commited a crime against — or rather, in favor of — the Contrived Supernemesis Escape Act, requiring a villain to remain free to be used over and over again for long-form storytelling purposes. Keeping a bad guy in prison won’t let him drive any more plotlines in perpetuity, will it?

  14. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff-If we don’t laugh he will kill our families that he’s holding hostage.

  15. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    MW-Obsessive much? It is a cake decorating contest. The point is to have fun. This isn’t some sort of life and death situation where the losers are executed.

  16. Crankenstank
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    I have often wished I could produce an exclamation point in a balloon over my head. This is, in fact, Spiderman’s only actual superpower.

  17. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Dustbin: appears to be baiting Nehemiah Scudder.
    Phantom: How did the lion-invisible-fencing guys figure out their old lion was un-invisible-fenced?
    Heathcliff: is actually an underground subversive comic about Kim Jung Un.

  18. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#17): Good, a Heathcliff/Dick Tracy crossover.

  19. Dennis Jimenez
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    JP – Pardon me, while I don my special tit magnifying spectacles….

  20. wossname
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    MW – “Perfect is as perfect does”??? What was Albert Camus smoking when he came up with that one?

    RMMD – If somebody in this strip is going to shoot himself or herself, I can think of a lot of more appropriate candidates than Delores.

    MT – Has Mark always talked about himself in the third person? Maybe he has multiple personality disorder and his alter ego, Kram Lairt, has taken over his body and started dissing Mark. “It’s Mark’s fault! He makes me do these terrible things!”

  21. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7): “What was his name before Rusty? ” – Ferric.

  22. Dennis Jimenez
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff – A Wuthering assault….

  23. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Kraven was needed in the Phantom comic strip, capturing lions. If you thought the Phantom/lioness scenes were creepy, wait until you see Kraven in his lion costume getting up close and personal…

  24. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#15): “t is a cake decorating contest. The point is to have fun. This isn’t some sort of life and death situation where the losers are executed.” – It is in Heathcliff’s world.

  25. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-So it looks like you guys are free to arrest Spiderman now.

  26. seismic-2
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    DT: “Anything in the Daily about the new season?”
    “Yes. It’s called winter.”

  27. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    FW – Oh, the whimsy!

    Luann – Ha ha, Luann is a slacker doofus who will end up working at Weenie World, until she is promoted to manager, at which point someone will entrap her into upselling the customers, then get her fired for it somehow. Dem’s da breaks!

    MT – If only Rod Bassy could meet with Ranger Mike McMounty, I understand that Mike is very popular in the community and might be able to help Rod out. Be careful though, Rod. Mike isn’t called McMounty because he is a member of the Canadian Royal Mounted Police is what I’m sayin’. But I’m sure that with a name like Rod, you will fit right in.

  28. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#27): Yes, I sure LOLed at FW this morning.
    //I spent a couple of minutes trying to remember who these people are, and then I remembered: I don’t care.

  29. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    You have to assume that Batiuk is trying to please his core demographic, namely, those who read FW when they, and Funky, were in high school, and those who still get a newspaper. And there’s nothing we want to read more than about someone having a debilitating stroke, amirite?
    //did not fall off the toilet with a loud ‘clunk’ this morning, thank FSM.

  30. Ben Ferber
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    What really gets me is that Sam is looking at crudely-sketched pictures of windows, intently trying to determine what they are. When he lays his eyes on a crudely-sketched picture of whatever Neddy bought, it will surely drive him into madness.

  31. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    a bulldog for bb,u.

    Firefox runs faster.

    It’s flu season

    ikkle big kitteh haz a RARRR!!

    and then the snow weasels came. *dooks*

    TDP, now 12 of 18 on Retrievers for 2013.

    being kewt is hard work.

    feet, corgi haz dem. (silly expression of the day award.)

  32. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Evans has outdone himself in his portrayal of Luann as a mentally retarded loser. I am sorry if the comparison is insulting to the mentally retarded and losers.

  33. pugfuggly
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#20):

    MW – “Perfect is as perfect does”??? What was Albert Camus smoking when he came up with that one?

    Wait a minute…I get it! It finally makes sense! Mary Worth is Forrest Gump!! A simpleton wandering around, dispensing advice in the form of pithy quotes and strange analogies. Of course her friends and neighbours play along with the senile old bat, but in the end she does help them in her own little way….

  34. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Luann-Does mooney sound like a racial slur to anyone else or is it just me? Also isn’t there some cult where the people are called Moonies.

  35. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Ben Ferber (#30): Wait until he lifts his eyes and sees what’s just past the paper.
    //not to be inappropriate, but Ben Ferber is cuuu-uute!

  36. seismic-2
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    JP: Little sister Sophie wins the affections of her boyfriends by buying them Bender Blaster guitars. Big sister Neddie wins the affections of her boyfriends by buying them the Rolling Stones.

  37. Kram Liart
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Ben Ferber looks highly punchable.

  38. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Luann-Deep down Luann knows that this whole thing is pointless venture. Every year they go to one of these fairs and yet they have not yet graduated. It’s not because they are dumb and can’t graduate it’s because some sort of force is keeping them from graduating and forcing them to relive the same experiences endlessly.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    a (mostly sfw) mermaid for mollificent.

  40. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#34): “Also isn’t there some cult where the people are called Moonies.” – You mean the buttocks-exposing tribes on Flyspeck Island, whence my people originate? We prefer to be called Visi-Pygeans.

  41. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#36):

    “Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed!”

    There, crisis averted, just like most potential drama in Judge Parker. Next: More Boobies!

  42. word-doctor
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Still giggling about Cherry/Soggy Clams.

  43. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#33): Day after day alone on the hill, / The woman with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still, / But nobody wants to know her, / They can see that she’s just a fool

  44. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#40):

    No. There is a cult out there led by a Reverend Moon I believe.

    Luann-”I’m going to Bovine University.”

  45. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Since the large-breasted financial manager looks angry and sinister, I predict this will be a plot about how anyone who gets between a Spencer and their money will be swiftly destroyed… so in, I dunno, about 6-8 months.

  46. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#36):

    And then having sex with the Rolling Stones in front of her boyfriends.

  47. Jasper
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#41):
    Uhh sir, those are the Ramones.

    Do as I say!!!

  48. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#44): “No. There is a cult out there led by a Reverend Moon I believe.” -not sure if serious – ?

  49. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#48):

    Found it. The guy’s name was Sun Myung Moon.

  50. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7):

    MW 2-What are you going to do with all the caked that you bake? How many people are there in Santa Royale that you can pass off cakes to?

    Patients in cardiac surgery ICU. They love it when Mary sneaks in treats that aren’t on their diet.

    @Liam (#15):

    MW-Obsessive much? It is a cake decorating contest. The point is to have fun. This isn’t some sort of life and death situation where the losers are executed.

    No? Well, now I am disappointed.

    A3J Yeah, so who is this Eric @*%# anyway?

    MW “Perfect is as perfect does.”
    - Chairman Mao, Redbook Magazine, May 16, 1958

  51. Alter Ego
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    love is… marrying the Hall Monitor.

  52. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#44):

    Luann-”I’m going to Bovine University.”

    BWHAHAHA!

  53. Jasper
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MW- Indeed you will have to make many cakes as practice, as that lobsided bafoonerie in panel 1 wouldn’t even make it pass the Santa Royale Cake Baking contest parking attendant.

    What to do with all the “practice” cakes that you make? Wilbur Weston, this is your lucky day!!!

  54. Mikey
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MT: Rusty, its good to meet you, you creepy androgynous freak. Also, Rod Bassy’s a dick!
    ASM: Six more weeks of The Amazing Spider-Man not catching Kraven….

  55. Greg
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    DT: The Internment Camp–is that where Monica Lewinsky got her training? (This joke is horrifically dated, so it’s PERFECT for Dick Tracy!)

  56. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MW-”Perfect is as perfect does”? Wait a minute. That’s not Mary Worth. That’s Tom Hanks in drag again.

  57. Illustrator Steve
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MT – Rob Bassy is not only unpopular within his fishing community, he’s not very popular with the fish either!

  58. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#49): Oh, come off it. Next you’ll be telling me water is wet, or some nonsense like that.

  59. Voshkod
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    What Sam doesn’t understand is that you have to spend money to make money. Neddy’s spending a lot now, of course, the guns, the tame policemen, the thugs, and the pipeline for Golden Triangle White Heroin, these things don’t come cheap! But when she’s suborned the French political system, wiped out her opposition, and secured the loyalties of the Hong Kong Triads, she’ll be making money hand over foot.

    I just hope she sets up her headquarters in the lovely city of Brest in Brittany.

  60. Pozzo
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Can you be a ventriloquist when you don’t techincally…you know, talk?

  61. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Tom the Dancing Bug

    Showing a tiger being waterboarded may not sound all that funny, but trust me…

    http://www.gocomics.com/tomthedancingbug/2013/01/18

    The other three vignettes are funny, too!

  62. Wally Winkerbean
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    “It will be ok mom, they know what they are doing.”

    uh-huh

    I recognize this team from their days of screwing up Lisa’s results. That malpractice lead to her timely death.

    Say goodbye to Mr. Fairgood.

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    I can’t be the only person here old enough to remember when the Moonies (aka the Unification Church) and Sun Myung Moon were a big pop cultural punchline. I guess Scientology took over as the main cult when they cornered the celebrity market.

    I have no idea what Bernice is talking about in Luann, however.

  64. Binder's Butter Beans
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Josh, never mind what the puppet is supposed to be. You’re thinking too much about Heathcliff’s brutal dictatorship. In fact, you’re thinking too much.

    LAUGH AT THE PUPPET, JOSH. LOVE THE PUPPET.

  65. Arabella
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Dennis: “Hang on for dear life” Did any kid ever say this? Maybe 60 years ago? Nope. Don’t remember saying it then either.

    Sally: For someone living in a fog, she’s nicely dressed today with the polka dot scarf.

    Pearls: Larry can’t really be dead, can he? Say it isn’t so. This is all a dream?

  66. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    FW “It’ll be okay, Mom… They know what they are doing.”
    Yes, they’re expanding the spectrum of misery in Westview. Terminal cancer, alcoholism, depression, insanity, and amputations are just too few options. It’s decision time for Westview hospital’s medical professionals: slow, linering death or permanent vegetative state?

    MT MW “So you’re here to do a story on Rod Bassy John Dill… I’m not envious of you, he’s a real jerk! He’s not very popular with the fishing baking community! He catches designs a lot of fish cakes and he brags about being the best perfect!”

  67. Illustrator Steve
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MT – While Mark continues to converse with himself, Rusty gathers the parcels from their 1959 Carryall for their UPS friend, mister Blugill, to ship home for them.

  68. Leonard
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean… something I can each morning and realize my life is not that bad.

  69. Leonard
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    I only started to read Rex Morgan in the last month… and I care more about these characters than FW despite reading it since 1997.

  70. Jasper
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MT- Feeling left out by the Bluegill-Rusty male bonding in panel 1, Mark carries on a conversation with himself.

    The way the back tail lights extend on that car, it looks to be the likes of a 1964 Ford Galaxie 500 Country Sedan station wagon. With the roominess offered by the 64 Galaxie, I ponder why Mark and he-she Rusty would have so much luggage and gear that they would need use of the roof racks.

  71. TheDiva
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    SM: Law enforcement people, help me out: do officers even use the phrase “paddy wagon”? It feels like a relic from the days when all fictional cops had an ” O’ ” at the front of their surname and walked around saying “All right, move it along, nothin’ ta see here..”

  72. Marc
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Arabella (#65): My guess is that Larry finally caught some prey and ate the dolphins.

  73. Joshua
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Just a few months ago, Luann raised the possibility of going to Juilliard, which is a real conservatory. Her parents shot that down pretty quick, but at least it was possible for her to mention the name of a real school.

    Now, for some reason, Bernice plans to head straight to the booth of a college that does not exist in our universe.

  74. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63):

    I remember it too. I just wasn’t too sure on the names.

  75. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): We hasten to get off your lawn, sir.

  76. Illustrator Steve
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    MT – “….he’s not very popular with the fishing community, and…
    …oh my! Um, Mark? This fishing pole container you want shipped back to the T. Rading Comany is an overlength item and will cost you another 15 bucks for UPS shipping.”
    “Put it on my account, Blugill, …on account of the fact that I’m flat broke.”

  77. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#73): Members of the Luann cast going off to a college that doesn’t exist in our universe? I…I’m okay with that!

  78. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): Is there a non-lame emoticon I can use to indicate when I am being sarcastic?
    //Simple shorthand: if I am posting here…I am being sarcastic.

  79. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Luann TJ has a booth at the career fair. No, not recruiting for Weenie World – he let that grease pit slide after he ousted Ann Eiffel. He’s recruiting for his new motivational training camp: TJ’s Vigilante Justice Junior League (TJ’s VJJ League). “Setting things right, one witch-hunt at a time.”

  80. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#76): That didn’t deserve it, but I laughed anyway.

  81. bats :[
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Our cat Hoho has recently become enamored of an old, dry sponge that he found in the laundry room. He finds it several times a day, carries it around and eventually disembowels (to his way of thinking) it.
    So, sadly, I can identify with Heathcliff.
    Oh. And Hoho is pretty much a jerk.

  82. endless sky
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#73): Maybe Juilliard threatened to sue for being associated with this second rate comic. Now they have to use fake names.

  83. Red Greenback
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Apparently one of Heathcliff’s strictly-enforced laugh lines is “We elected a new Pope”

  84. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#73):

    Just a few months ago, Luann raised the possibility of going to Juilliard, which is a real conservatory.

    Hmm… are you sure that wasn’t Julie Yard, a rail yard outside Des Moines?
    //I think they shut it down. Too many hobos and whores.

  85. Jasper
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MT- “He’s not very popular with the fishing community of notorious liars. He actually tells the truth of his fishing escapades. The fishing community considers this bragging and deems him a jerk for it.”

    Would this be the local fishing community or the one in the southern part of the state. Or is it more of a regional fishing community?

    What distinguishing features will Jackl’rod give to bad guy Rod Bassy? Facial Hair, rolled up sleaves, sun glasses (god forbid), an entourage of brainless henchmen.

    Say Rusty, howd’ you like some ice cream?

  86. Sequitur
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#81): I’m guessing Hoho is a neutered male cat.

  87. Gringo
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    FW: So Batiuk’s contempt for airport employees, service workers and comics commentators is now extended to medical professionals. Who might be next?

  88. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    FW: To paaphrase Oscar Wilde: “You would need to have a heart of stone not to laugh at the death of any of Batuik’s characters.’

  89. TheDiva
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    9CL: Todays “McEldowney-to-Human” translation:
    Thorax: Politicians are evil and greedy! I know this because they take away my money and use it to help people who are not me, which I consider unfair to me.
    Other Guy: This is what passes for political satire in your world?
    Thorax: Evil greedy politicians!

    A3G: He’s your excuse to disappear and never be heard from again. I’d take it if I were you.

    C’shaft: I used to think Crankshaft’s “wordplay” was a combination of ignorance and senility, but no, his self-satisfied smile reveals that he considers himself the Oscar Wilde of Ohio. Pam and Jeff, meanwhile, contemplate whether to smother Cranky with a pillow while he sleeps, or grind a bunch of meds in with his morning coffee.

    FW: Tom Batiuk’s view of the medical profession: “Well, they do a bunch of tests that don’t make sense to me and use acronyms that I don’t know the meanings of, so they must not know what their talking about. Also, those Arab ladies who wear scarves on their heads work there now? I guess?”

    Luann: Logic according to Luann:
    Tiffany doesn’t have any plan for her future beyond a vague idea of going to Hollywood and becoming a famous actress. Tiffany is clueless and self-absorbed and should be laughed at.
    Luann doesn’t have any plan for her future beyond a vague idea of going to Julliard and becoming a famous actress. Luann is the idea teen.

    MT: And since nobody can be genuinely good at what they do and be a jerk about it, there must be shenanigans afoot! (Also, who’s saying what in panel one? Is ventriloquism involved?)

    MW: Don’t question Mary, John. There’s always room for her to criticize.

    Pibgorn: Now I know Brooke writes these things by dartboard. “Okay, they landed on ‘harem costumes,’ ‘complain about my critics,’ and…’Casablanca parody’? Okay, I can make that work…”

  90. TheDiva
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Don’t you hate it when you hit “post” just one second before you see the markup tag that you forgot to close?

  91. Mikey
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @Jasper (#85): I’m thinking a “Dog the Bounty Hunter” look…

  92. Dood
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Ha, ha, Neddy went to her private Parisian suitcase-of-cash repository and bought herself a Route de la Reine.

  93. Steve
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    S-M: They’re not real cops: one has an eight-pointed badge and one has a nine-pointed badge. So, male strippers.

  94. Marked Trail
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Say Rusty, do you like gladiator movies?

  95. Lawyerbob
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    JP: “In fact, these withdrawals explode off the page! Good thing you’re wearing safety glasses and a chest protector!”

  96. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#79): He’s recruiting for his new motivational training camp: TJ’s Vigilante Justice Junior League (TJ’s VJJ League).

    I’m doubting that this is true. Let’s just say that TJ really isn’t into the va-jay-jay, is all.

  97. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Hooray! There’s a new OOTS up today!

  98. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MT: “Not very popular in the fishing community”? Oh, Jackelrod, you really do love us, don’t you?

    MW: In other words, John Dill, Mary thinks your cake blows large, pink, crumbly chunks. And I never thought I’d say this, but Mary Worth is right.

  99. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): The Moonies and the Unification Church are still around. They own the Washington Times newspaper here in DC, and sometimes, you’ll come across recruiters hanging around the Mall and monuments. They had some shake-ups in the leadership recently, I think, but they still gain members and have those huge mass weddings.

  100. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#31): Very high-quality squee today, sir!

  101. Mibbitmaker
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: It’s Official: Brooke is not a Frasier Crane/Diane Chambers elitist, he’s a Charles Emerson Winchester elitist.

    FW: “….or, if they screw up royally, you can do nothing, let them get away with gross incompetence, and martyr yourself, JUST LIKE MY REAL MOM, Mom!”

    MT: Rusty doesn’t speak. Mark does all the talking for him — and for those talking to Rusty, for that matter. I look forward to the day when all sorts of characters interact, but Trail does all the dialogue himself — or some giant bird does it, possibly…

    MW: Mary is Word of the Lord, the boss, and you are merely her slave. Genuflect if you value your life, Cake Boy! Yes — life. You do not have freedom here in Worthistan, peon! Now laugh at the Spongebob Moldpants puppet show like a good little Charmin peddler!

    RMMD: Checkov had TWINS?!!

  102. Doctor Handsome
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    “Neddy’s banker is concerned about her spending! So I guess we’ve got to kill him now. *sigh*”

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#100): *bows*

    happy to please, m’dear.

  104. seismic-2
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Luann: Mooney Uni? Sounds pretty Looney-Tooney to me.

    But maybe it’s legit: Bernice wants to go to Mooney University, and Delta wants to go to Intern Alley. Meanwhile, Dick Tracy just came back from the Moon, and now he is headed for an Internment Camp. If this leads to a Luann / DT cross-over, let’s hope the body count will be very high.

  105. Perky Bird
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    FW: The nurse in the headscarf recently came to America to escape the civil war in Syria, with all of its horrors, death, and hoplessness. Upon finding herself living in Westview, however, she’s seriously considering going back home.

  106. Dood
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    PARIS — The euro collapsed today as investors’ confidence continued to sag following rumors of large withdrawals by a wealthy American living here and the launching of an investigation by the U.S.-based manager of her trust funds.

  107. Doctor Handsome
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    “Sweatbox” is more newspaper-friendly than his original moniker, “Powershit.”

  108. Bill Peschel
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    FYI: The cartoonist for Shoe, Chris Cassatt, died recently. According to his obituary, he was also noted for running his cartoon character, Sal A. Mander, against various Colorado politicians, and even managed to get the DA to resign in embarrassment after winning re-election.

  109. hogenmogen
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#8): Tap water gives you large bosoms?

  110. Mibbitmaker
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    She: “FEELINGS! I’m all FEELINGS! [getting all teary-eyed] Nothing more than FEELINGS! FEEEEEEELINGS! *sigh!* FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!!!”

    He: “Feelings? Whut dat? Me no feelings. *GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!* Hunh.”

    Announcer: “Gender Stereotype Theater — tonight on ‘Garfield’!”

  111. Doctor Handsome
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    In an impressive feat of comic-strip ventriloquism, Heathcliff makes a bunch of commotion lines and dust clouds appear to emanate from his puppet’s mouth.

  112. seismic-2
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    FW: I hope we shall get a closer look at the nurse who is adjusting Fred Fairgood’s I-V bags. If the name on her ID badge is in fact “L. Smif”, then things don’t look so good for old Fred.

  113. sciencegiant
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: well, of course Kraven got away. What else would expect from goofs who misspell Metropolitam Police on their shield?

  114. hogenmogen
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    JP: So his secretary has full access to the Driver Clan’s finances? Even those in France?

    The banker sends a word of warning – when it is shipped overseas from France, is it still snail mail or is it “le escargot d’Atlantic”? Anyway, could he be more specific than “a number of large withdrawals”?

    “It’s ok, Dad, these funds are needed for transfer fees. I’ve been talking to a Nigerian finance minister’s nephew, and he will reward us generously if we help him loot his country’s treasury. …What? ….Suspicious of what?”

    That would be a plot that tests the philsophical boundaries of the JP universe. Can a scam exist which does not somehow enrich Sam Driver’s Pretty People Brigade?

  115. Doctor Handsome
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    “Actually, Joe, Kraven escaped. Off-panel, of course. Nothing particularly noteworthy about how he did it, either. I don’t even know what I’m going to put in my report.”

  116. hogenmogen
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    SM: Kraven got away! If cop #2 wasn’t busy talking to Hitler and LatexBoy, maybe there would have been some backup.

  117. bats :[
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

  118. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Calling all cars, calling all cars, be on the lookout for getaway vehicle driven by three chimps, one wearing a tiara. Vehicle is described as a late-model gray elephant.
    //car 54, where are you?

  119. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#118): JJJ: “We need pictures for the late edition! Where the heck is that PARKER!”

  120. bbofun
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#99): A good part of the reason for the “Moonies” having shake-ups in their leadership is that the Rev. Moon died in September- something they really weren’t prepared for, as they thought he was the messiah. Probably caused a few ripples in the structure.

    FW- It’s funny because, y’know, doctors need TESTS to know what’s happening with patients! Oh, they’re so incompetent!

    RMMD- Uh-oh! It’s the rare SECOND CHEKHOV’S GUN![dun-dun-DUNNNNNNN!]
    Hey, when do we get to meet the guy who’s supposedly running the joint? Or did Delores shoot him?

  121. Baka Gaijin
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    In the Middle Ages, before medical practices were based in scientific facts, people believed that touching ugly disgusting dead things cured warts. Rumor has it that making contact with a John Dill/Mary Worth cake cures abortus fever, dyscrasy, foetor oris, and piles.

  122. 150
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Gosh darn it, I like the new Dick Tracy team.

  123. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#117): I was expecting something else from a “weird vibe” link.

    *sigh*

    I miss Dingo.

    *sigh*

    Dave used to miss Dingo.

  124. wossname
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Arabella (#65): I remember kids saying “hang on for dear life” in the ’50s. Not that we had any idea what it meant or had thought about the individual words – it was just a thing that one said.

  125. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s strip, today!:

    MT— “Rusty, I’d like you to meet the camp cook, Salmon Ella.”

  126. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#123): Oh, please don’t remind me of Dave. *sigh*. Life is brutal.

  127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#126): instead, can I remind you of the corgi that I posted for you?

  128. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 18th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft – “I’ll set something up, and then make a weak little pun about it, all the while smiling smugly over my cleverness.” Ladies and gentlemen, the REAL Dolly Keane!

    9 – It’s the anti-Wiley, dispensing pat platitudes that aspire to edginess, only this time they’re flattering conservatives.

    Fred – “I had a flower just a minute ago,” said Fred lackadaisically. [retro-warning: JOKE]

  129. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#128): better than the pun in today’s MG&G, at least.

  130. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Mary – Why doesn’t this dialog rhyme? And why aren’t there little musical notes in the edges of the balloons?

    Smirky – Ow! I think my side split while I was slapping my knee!

    Mark“He’s not very popular with the fishing community!”
    DAMN IT, Elrod! Stop WAVING at us!

  131. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#129): Well, it should be! I think I stole it from either Stan Freberg or John G. Fuller!

  132. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers seem unaware that the elements that make a car smell ‘new’ come from fresh plastic parts and may contribute to risk for various diseases.

    Norm – Ha ha. Yeah, I’m exactly like this, and so is everyone I know. We’re goddamn stereotypical Boomers.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y340): Pince-nez? Nah. I have enough shnozz problems.

    @seismic-2 (#y373): I imagine when the birds in SHOE learned of Cassat’s demise, they looked bereft, as if the bottom had dropped out of their world, leaving them in a swirling black void of despair. Then some other bird pointed out that a door is not a door when it is a-jar, and they had the exact same reaction.

  133. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#16): I have often wished I could produce an exclamation point in a balloon over my head. This is, in fact, Spiderman’s only actual superpower.
    Despite its placement, it denotes a common sound coming from his ass, one which pretty much everybody is born being able to make. If it’s slightly longer and seems to rise in inflection at the end, it’s represented by a question mark.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#97): Best news of the day! The long nightmare of checking and not finding a new strip can now be replaced by a bunch of shorter nightmares of checking too frequently!

  134. bats :[
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#125): hahahahahahahaha…an oldie but a goodie! And so appropriate, too!

  135. Bill
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    HEATHCLIFF: It is indeed a wedge of Swiss cheese. A slice of Swiss that was found behind the fridge, blanketed in a horrid green mold. To the mice, this is attune to taking the head of one of their family members and manipulating it to reduce them to abject terror!

    Even Satan kneels before Heathcliff.

  136. Little Guy
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    DT: “Sweatbox”‘s real name is Constantine Payted.

    JP: Bemoaning the fact that it’s wintertime and Secretary Buxom is in the office.

    Curtis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the African-American line of the Burber Dynasty.

  137. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Apparently, Sequitur has been up for adoption. I wish I’d known; I would have taken in the li’l guy!

  138. Gringo
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: From the color of those mice’s proboscises, it’s apparent they’ve been into the whole brown-nosing thing for a while.

  139. Birickers
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff – The mice finally found a way to control Heathcliff. Look at his face. It’s pretty clear who’s the real ventriloquist in this relationship, and it’s not the sponge.

  140. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#127): Oh, I saw the good corgi and Sequitor’s bad corgi. Thanks for remembering me in better days :-) (I miss bad lynn, but my 2013 resolution is to stop being an AW).

  141. Government Cheese
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#121): It certainly is not good for the humors. It’s a one-way ticket to blistering and leeching.

  142. Stev0
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    I wonder who’s going to catch Kraven. Seriously. Because it sure as hell isn’t going to be the you-keep-using-that-word Spiderman.

  143. Government Cheese
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Mooney University? Sounds like Bovine University – you can join Ralph Wiggum in pursuing your academic dreams. Delta – you want to be a high school intern? You have developed a big head after meeting Obama. Luann – prostitution is your best bet.

    MW: “You are right Mary, let’s keep an open mind and see where we can improve our creation! (Dill puts his penis in the cake).

  144. Comrade Denny
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    A-SM: As a sign of much-deserved disrespect, I am replacing the vocalized vowels in everyone’s name with “u”. Putur Purkur is the Umuzung Spudur-Mun; he went on a “business” trip to Lus Vugus with his boss J. Junuh Jumusun, where Spuder-Mun proceeded to do pretty much nothing but wait for the villain to screw up, and still ,Spudur-Mun managed to get his ass kicked, repeatedly. On top of that, Kruvun immediately, anticlimactically, and off-panel escaped. Murvul should really rethink letting Stun Luu and Lurry Luubur have carte blanch with this strip.

  145. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#17): Dustbin: appears to be baiting Nehemiah Scudder.

    Minced oath! Taunted by a comic strip I don’t even read! And I don’t even get a dime of the vast amount of product placement money Mars Inc. must be paying to Dustin!

    This shall not stand! You think The Atlantic Scientology “advertorial” scandal was something? You thought Aimee Semple McPherson’s faked kidnapping was titilating? You thought l’affaire Dreyfus, was a bit of a kerfuffle?

    // Ha. Just watch. I shall mock Dustin, severely. Real soon now.

  146. Arabella
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#124): “hang on for dear life” — you must have had a more advanced peer group than I. We would have said “hey, yall, watch this!”

  147. MySpoonIsTooBig
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    9CL- But Brooke, you’ve demonstrated time and again that you can’t. Where’s your pile of welfare money?

  148. Dood
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Bond-guy is falling in love with Margo? I’m shaken, but not stirred.

  149. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#140): I will keep looking for corgis in habits on your behalf.

    corgis with bad habits are slightly easier to find.

  150. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#33): Have we ever seen the sign outside Charterstone? Is it Charterstone Independent Living for the Mentally Disabled?

  151. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    I actually have to defend Luann today. What’s wrong with her deciding to look around at various options? It is an open house, isn’t it?

  152. Walker of Dog
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Give me a minute! I have to heave my pendulous breasts over my shoulder so I can see the keyboard!”

  153. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#152): “Miss, I asked for chips with this!”

  154. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#144): You mean he got his “uss” kicked.
    //clever idea, though. The ‘u’s, not the uss kicking. Well, that too.

  155. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

  156. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#151): Defending Luann? Brace for onslaught in three…..two….one….

  157. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#79): TJ’s VaJayJay League? What does Brad think about that?

  158. John C.
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#156):

    I’ll bite. There’s a fine line between keeping one’s options open for the future and being completely clueless and naive.

  159. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#124): I only remember people using in in narratives, “We had to hang on for dear life.” It sounds odd in the imperative.

  160. Earthgirl
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#15): The Hunger Games meets Cupcake Wars?

  161. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#128): Someone needs to explain “Curmudgeon” to you. Your Fred comment made me say “Aww.”

  162. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#156): nah.

    flamestorms around here only erupt in discussions about slide rules and obsolete computer equipment.

  163. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Dustin-Sounds like it’s going to be a shitty joke.

    Wizard of Id-I would say that was more of a show of one finger many times.

    Grand Avenue-So Tim gets up at 8 a.m. and rides his bike till 11 at night and then plays ball till four in the morning. If I did that much exercise I would probably spend the entire next day sleeping too.

    MT-Sounds like this Rod person needs to be a lot more humbler about his catches. I wouldn’t recommend Mark Trail to help him. I would send Mary Worth his way.

  164. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @John C. (#158):

    Being clueless and naive often ends up closing out options for the future, especially if you are a Junior in High School. If you want to keep options open, you need to take active measures to ensure that they stay open.

  165. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#146): As an invocation to the gods of chaos, “Hey y’all, watch this,” is rivalled only by, “nothing can go wrong” and “I know what I’m doing.” You’d better hang on for dear life. Hey, it sounds okay like that, too.

  166. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#143): I don’t know… I’ve been known to hire high schoolers as IT interns. They show up with big heads, and they leave very small. Makes me feel like I’ve given something of great worth to the IT community.

  167. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    MW-I’m going to be entering two photography contests this year because I want to do it for fun. I’m not going to be spending hours pouring over entries from the previous years and constantly taking and retaking pictures.

  168. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#157): Someone would have to explain this to Brad.

  169. seismic-2
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#162): and the declension of Latin nouns.
    But getting back to Luann, she is indeed wise to explore all options. After all, there’s Weenie World and Burger Box.

  170. DownInTheValley
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman: Say what you want about the Spiderman comic strip, but is there anything more truly delightful than the cop’s “aw-shucks” fist swing in panel 2? “Kraven escaped — dawgummit!”

  171. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @John C. (#158): I think the crossed eyes Evans drew on Luann sort of rules out the “I am keeping my options open” avenue and moves it more toward “Will drool on the give-away pens”.

  172. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#165): “Hold my beer” is another.

  173. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#151): I have to reluctantly agree. When I was in HS, we didn’t have those kinds of things. One time, us college-bound students (i.e., parents had money) were rounded up into the auditorium, and given a presentation by one of the local community colleges — whose main recruiting ploy seemed to be that they had lots of free parking available (little did I know at the time how important that kind of thing was on a college campus).

    I think if there had actually been some kind of college fair at my school, I might have approached post-high school a little differently.

  174. cheech wizard
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    RM – So Delores is running low on ammo? With all those assholes around there, I’m not surprised. No wonder she’s down in the dumps. Maybe during the next beer run she should ask those guys to swing by Cabela’s.

    JP – “My mistake. She’s not making a bunch of withdrawals, it’s all these large deposits her banker’s worried about. Dammit, she must be whoring again! I knew that sociology minor was a bad idea!”

  175. geogreg
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    MT and Heathcliff: While reading the comments, I had a stunning revelation: Heathcliff is acting as ventriloquist for Mark Trail! This explains the incomprehensible placement of the word balloons in Trail’s first panel. We just can’t see Heathcliff, as he is standing directly behind Mark.

  176. Feltwright
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    MW – There’s such a strange disconnect here. On the one hand, both Mary and John are taking a fun contest waaay too seriously. One the other hand, they don’t seem to have read the contest guidelines at all. The theme is supposed to be ‘the beauty of nature’ or something, and all they can come up with a uniformly unnaturally pepto-bismol pink cake with swags. They are both deranged.

  177. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): I was momentarily disoriented as this thread taught me that not only are the Moonies no longer a cultural touchstone, but they aren’t even a fossilized joke, like bad airline food and doing the ironing in pearls and high heels. Back when I still listened to my parents fears for me, pimps, drug dealers and Moonies were the dreaded three. Sorry, @Sophia, I mean Visi-Pygians.

  178. Randy
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    MT: “He catches a lot of big fish and he brags about being the best.” If he catches more and bigger fish than the rest of you slobs, he IS the best. Cope.

    9CL: Dear Mr. McEldowney–No one wants to read your genteel libertarian pontificating. Please, stick to what made the strip entertaining: Classical music references and soft-core porn.

  179. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#172): I counted “Hold my beer,” as optional punctuation for “Hey y’all watch this.”

  180. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#25): “We radioed in that we had a suspect. We’ll just have to pin it on this guy or our accounting will be all wrong.”

  181. Jim in Wisc.
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#87): The entire human race?

  182. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    I hope Sunday’s Shylock Fox teaches us how to draw a cat. It looks like Scary Gary artist Mark Buford could really use the help.

  183. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#162):

    … flamestorms around here only erupt in discussions about slide rules

    WHOOSH!
    From today’s NYT:

    The fact that the river has remained open for business along the critical “Middle Miss”… stems from a remarkable feat of engineering…. It has also involved exacting use of reservoirs along the vast river system that were initially designed by engineers using slide rules nearly 100 years ago to try to manage both flood and drought, as well as rock structures placed in recent years along the bank to direct water and speed it up….

    Flame on!

  184. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    9Cl-Thank god that comments aren’t allowed for this strip on Go Comics because that sounded really offensive.

    9Cl 2-I like the original better. “Those who can do. Those who can’t teach. Those who can’t teach teach gym,” Woody Allen.

  185. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Feltwright (#176):

    Those pink abominations are just the practice cakes.

  186. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Luann: ok, to demonstrate my ability to take the high road re: Luann, the character: she represents the internal turmoil of the adolescent girl. Delta and Bernice are her Greek chorus, representing common sense and good judgment.
    //nah, it all just sucks.

  187. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Feltwright (#176):

    The theme is supposed to be ‘the beauty of nature’ or something, and all they can come up with a uniformly unnaturally pepto-bismol pink cake with swags.

    Maybe their cake has an inner beauty. The filling is probably brimming with lots of natural nature thingies, like flowers and seashells, rainbows, unicorns, cornichons…
    “Have you never heard of inner beauty?”
    - A. Camus, Cakes and Stuff, 1913

  188. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#169): “After all, there’s Weenie World and Burger Box.”

    aka Quill and Bernice.

  189. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#177): “…my parents fears for me, pimps, drug dealers and Moonies …”
    //pauses to imagine a young Aviatrix – !!!

  190. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    The layers of the setting in Dick Tracy is amazing. A paranoid WWII-time America imprisons citizens of Japanese descent (this was a real thing, as real as the Moonies) at an internment camp. After the war they are released, and the site of that national guilt and shame is drowned under an artificial lake, perhaps formed behind a hydroelectric dam. But America cannot hide its inhumanity forever and one day the lake is drained, revealing building frames preserved all this time in the cold depths of the poorly-oxygenated water. And another secret, in a box. I was riveted. I’m still recovering from the thematic whiplash inflicted by “Sweatbox” worrying about who is going to make the playdowns.

    I know that Sweatbox must be over 86 years old, so he can be legally prosecuted for the 70-year-old murder, but surely that would be too easy and obvious for someone who set up the story so beautifully, so it must be a 70-year-old frame-up job. Symmetry demands that the person who framed him also be exceptionally long-lived, so Dick Tracy can shoot him before the end of the arc.

    And there will be something else inexplicable, that only makes sense to those who have been reading the strip for 70 years.

  191. Comrade Denny
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#154): I thought so, :-) Fact is, is fun to give that to all the stinker strips, such as Murk Truul, Rux Murgun, Um-Duu, or, it’s sad to say, Phuntum.

  192. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#189): Hey! I’m still young. The hard part should be imagining me listening to my parents.

  193. Shrug, Not Quite Caught Up
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#y300):

    “Excluding spam, CC now has 594,000+ comments”

    Oh dear. I was keeping count as I read them all, and I only got 593,999. Apparently I accidentally missed one. Now I’ll have to start all over again…

    1. CAVE WALL: Og like. Good elk hunt. Elk bashed!! Much eats.

    2. CAVE WALL: Same elk hunt. Clip ochre? Glumph on vacation again?

    3.

  194. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    MT “I’m not envious of you.”
    Rusty… Cherry… Doc… Mark… Were words never more truly spoken to Mark Trail?

  195. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    FW-Remember these are the same doctors who told my biological mother that she didn’t cancer when she had so much cancer they couldn’t do anything about it.

    FC-”You call those push ups, maggot. My arthritic grandmother can do better push ups than you.”

  196. endless sky
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#182): True. That cat looks like his nose was sewn on. The dog, however, bears a striking resemblance to Luann’s dog, Puddles.

  197. Perky Bird
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Rod Bassy is a jerk for catching a lot of fish and bragging he’s the best. Not at all like good ol’ Bluegill, who catches a lot of fish and continues to use the nickname bestowed upon him by his buddies in order to commemorate his own fishing prowess.

  198. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    With a heavy heart, I concede that no designing will occur in this cake design competition. I submit instead this list of The Beauty of Nature-themed designs, a vision of lost possibilities, each proposed in a linked context by one of us contemplating the reveal of the final design. Dill and Mary’s cake could have been … little cranberry colored rosettes in random places atop a large sheet cake; steampunk; a 5′ tall cake crafted perfectly in [Mary Worth's] image, wearing nothing but a few well-placed fig leaves; a pizza pie; Mary Worth tied to a set of chocolate railway tracks with a dark meringue train with cow-catcher icing bearing down on her; penis cake; a lioness disemboweling a zebra; [plain white] Ice Cake in honour of Global Warming; a chocolate cake with white icing: Tada! A melting glacier; an ocean liner cake, complete with portholes; page 56 of the Wilton instruction book; green; booby cake; or how about exerting the minimal effort to make it round, with two layers, and white frosting with pink squiggles, [and] stick a bird on it.

    Sigh. Mary Worth is set in a post-apocalyptic world where there is nothing beyond the walls of Charterstone, and Mary’s roses are the only vestige of the natural world. No amount of practice is going to make that round, rose-spattered monstrosity into a leaping dolphin, a newborn fawn, or one of those ants that climbs to the top of a tree when parasites take over its brain.

  199. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Not Quite Caught Up (#193):

    I was keeping count as I read them all, and I only got 593,999.

    Oh. I thought that was just the count to the last post of 2012.
    joshreads.com/?p=15906#comments

  200. endless sky
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#195): FC: “Bless her heart!” ` ~ Gomer Pyle

  201. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#128): Fred – “I had a flower just a minute ago,” said Fred lackadaisically.

    Ooh! A Tom Swifty!

    // “It’s a German song,” Tom lied.

  202. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    JP: “No, never mind, just bring me my checkbook… What’s the limit the bank will take on one check? Quarter-mill? I’d hate to have to write two.”

    MT: “Thanks for the heads-up on Rod Bassy, Bluegill! But how about your wife, Largemouth, your daughter, Walleye, and your son, Crappie? How are they?”

    MW: Mary, I believe the original word in that phrase is “stupid.”

  203. Dennis Jimenez
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

  204. Majicou
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#177): For what it’s worth, Rev. Moon died last year. Of course, I’ve read that that just means his messiah-osity passes on to his son, allowing for the continuation of the cash flow spiritual enlightenment.

  205. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Having spent his career pretending to be pals with rich assholes from the city who needed a guide, who had big egos but no fishing skills, Bluegill had no problem shining on Mark and his hideous mutant child. Mark’s self-regard and obliviousness to the pain he’d caused Bluegill made him assume that his “old pal” would be happy to see him. Perfect. What he told them about Bassy wasn’t a lie, exactly – Rod was a jerk who bragged constantly about how good a fisherman he was – but Rod’s fishing companion, Catfish, was a good friend – more than a friend, Bluegill thought. Years ago, Catfish helped him kill his rival, Joe “Crappie” Plott, and dispose of the body. Maybe Catfish will be up for a repeat performance, finishing off the “great” outdoor writer once and for all. Finally, he’ll pay for giving me that damned name, Bluegill thought, smiling to himself at the prospect.

  206. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Love is… an undead, rotten corpse of a comic strip, shambling towards you, unstoppable, seeking only to eat your brains!

  207. Dood
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Practice cakes? Sorry, but I refuse to imagine these two “working out” in the kitchen day after day while the “Rocky” theme builds to a crescendo.

  208. OMEGA SUPREME
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Where does Dick Tracy take place anyway? I always thought it was in an East Coast industrial town (maybe the same city where Miller’s Crossing is set) but there weren’t too many Japanese internment camps on the East Coast.

  209. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#204): worked for North Korea.

    twice!

  210. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#207): What, you’d prefer 9 1/2 weeks?

  211. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    DT-”I yam what I yam and that’s all I am.” Look at Sweatbox again in that first panel and try not seeing Popeye.

  212. Government Cheese
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

  213. Dood
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#210): Uhm, no. And don’t even bring up Fatal Attraction with Mary boiling Dill’s rabbit cake.

  214. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#213): The bunny-boiling scene isn’t the one that came to mind.

  215. Red Greenback
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#210): Howzabout Last Tango in Paris? The male lead was a hotel guy in that movie. And there was butter involved too.

  216. Dood
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#215): The butter scene seems plausible in the Mary-verse.

  217. pugfuggly
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#150):

    It’s the Albert Camus Memorial Independent Living for the Mentally Disabled, actually. And it’s not in Santa Royale, it’s on Shutter Island….

  218. Peanut Gallery
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    MT – Today on Mark’s World, Mark will talk about Mark in the third person! And Rod Bassy and Doug McQueen will be joining us to play ¿Quién es más popular en la comunidad?

    @Jasper (#70):

    I ponder why Mark and he-she Rusty would have so much luggage and gear that they would need use of the roof racks.

    That’s where Andy and Sassy are, of course!

  219. pugfuggly
    January 18th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @OMEGA SUPREME (#208):

    I believe Dick Tracy is set in Vigilante, New Hampshire. And they did have Japanese internment camps, but not all of them during the second world war…

  220. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#182), @endless sky (#196):

    You both need to focus. Who cares about a damn cat in Scary Gary when there are much bigger issues that need to be addressed.

    Like: why the Keane offspring only have ONE nostril.

  221. wossname
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#159):

    I only remember people using in in narratives, “We had to hang on for dear life.” It sounds odd in the imperative.

    That’s how I remember it too, and I agree it doesn’t sound right in the imperative. I grew up in Canada, so maybe that’s why we both remember the same kiddie vernacular.

  222. wossname
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#221): Hmm, so that’s what happens when you forget to close the blockquote cite tag. That could be used to interesting effect. Maybe. Or not.

  223. Morgan Wick
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    And with that, Dick Tracy becomes just the 15th comic to join the 200 Club.

    If you had to guess its members, you’d probably guess the main continuity strips – Mary Worth, Apartment 3-G, Mark Trail, Gil Thorp, Rex Morgan, Judge Parker, Spider-Man – fairly easily. Then you turn to the gag strips – Family Circus, Beetle Bailey, Funky Winkerbean, Pluggers. Then as you wrack your brain, you might eventually come up with Slylock Fox, Dennis the Menace, and Crankshaft. But would you have guessed Dick Tracy as the 15th member? Maybe you would more than I, since it’s a continuity strip and Josh covered it more in the past; my guess is you’d have guessed 16th-ranked FOOB earlier. Regardless, with FOOB in pseudo-reruns, my guess is the 16th member – probably Luann, Blondie, or Hi and Lois, with outside shots for BG&SS and Marmaduke, the two most likely guesses along with Archie and Marvin – will cause the 200 Club to completely break down.

  224. NonnyMus
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    O.K. true story. I was walking home along a bike trail from a subway station one evening in 1992 and there were several cops there looking under bushes and up into trees for something. One cop wouldn’t let me proceed until he said so. While I was standing there waiting (there really wasn’t a good way to go around unless I went back to the station and walked way around on streets). After awhile, the cop told me they had arrested a guy and he got away even though he was cuffed. Once the other cops determined the suspect had indeed gotten away, I was allowed to continue on my way.

    So, it happens. But the cops looked a hell of a lot more embarrassed than that cop in the final frame of Spider-Man!!

  225. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#213): “Mary boiling Dill’s rabbit cake.” – Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  226. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#220): Four kids, two dogs and a cat, right? You’d sew up a nostril, too, if you lived in the Keane household.

  227. Calico
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#17):
    I was going to comment on the DPR of NK as well, but you put it perfectly.

  228. Red Greenback
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#222): Your comment has an Art Deco look. I like it.

  229. Morgan Wick
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#222): More like that’s what happens when you forget the /.

  230. Peanut Gallery
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#38): (Luann)

    Twenty-seven years have past; twenty-seven summers, with the length
    Of twenty-seven long winters in this school! and again I hear
    These banalities, rolling from their creator’s pen
    With a stale cheerless murmur.

    – from Wordsworth’s “Lines Written a Few Miles Above Intern Alley.”

    (The site was also the inspiration for Tennyson’s “Jeers, Idle Jeers.”)

  231. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#227): Go right ahead; who remembers comment #17 at this point!

  232. Calico
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#81):
    Awwww, don’t say he’s a jerk! *cries*
    ; )

    Felix has been positively domineering today. Sometimes he does a mini “growl” when he wants something, which I find bossy yet adorable.

  233. Chrononhotonthologos
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#201): “I, man, am regal; a German am I,” Palin droned.

  234. Chaze
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    I was thinking it would be fun to see something new and different in a Spider-Man plot line. Something along the lines of a rampaging elephant would suffice. After all, when was the last time you saw Spidey threatened by a rampaging elephant?

  235. Comment 235
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#231):

    When I was Comment 17
    I was a very good comment
    I was a very good comment for city papers that run “The Phantom”
    And my commentary was sage
    On the comics page
    When I was 17

  236. Calico
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#21):
    I’ll be waiting oxide for both of you…

  237. Calico
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Comment 235 (#235):
    Frank, meet Janis! : D

  238. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Comment 235 (#235): I was 17 when Janice Ian recorded that song and I hated it :-) (I was more Bernice than Luann.)

  239. Chaze
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    If Spider-Man existed within the current Mark Trail continuity, Paddy Wagon would be the name of the cop who lost Kraven. Speaking of which, Kraven would fit perfectly with Rod Bassy, Bluegill, and, of course, the aptly named Mark Trail, his own self.

  240. Calico
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Chrononhotonthologos (#233):
    But can she see Berlin from her house?

  241. Vince M
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#165): Variation I’ve been hearing more lately: “Hey, hold my beer and watch this!”

  242. Vince M
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

  243. Comment 243
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#35):

    When I was comment thirty-five
    I was a very good comment
    I was a very good comment on blue-blooded lawyers
    Of independent means
    Too rich for limousines
    In the Road Queen they’d drive
    When I was comment thirty-five

  244. Chaze
    January 18th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#238):

    Janis Ian wrote “At Seventeen.” The lyrics quoted by Comment 235 are from the old Sinatra tune, “When I was 17.” I’ll take the Ian song any day of the week.

  245. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#239): You owe me a slice of fruitcake, as I recall.

  246. Chaze
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#245):
    Dang! You are correct. Slice away, m’dear.

  247. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#244): Thank you for the explanation. Commentor 235 + 243 (= 478)’s sense of rhyme and rhythm left me in some confusion.

  248. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#246): Too late. Too late. Story of my life. *sigh*
    //true story, at the New Yorker magazine offices, James Thurber used to draw and write all over the walls. His favorite thing to write was “too late” – you’d round a corner, it would say “too” on one aspect and “late” on the other.

  249. MySpoonIsTooBig
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#184):

    I thought the Woody Allen quote was along the lines of “Those who can’t teach, taught at my school” /has seen Annie Hall more times than I can count

  250. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#248): Oh what a giveaway.
    //idiot

  251. Chaze
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    I just wanted to say that I bought Doug’s chair over at the Rescue Mission. Just about perfect for my hefty butt cheeks. Slap Curtis for me, please, Doug.

  252. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Those who can, do.
    Those who can’t, teach
    Those who can’t teach, teach anyway
    Those who can’t teach anyway, administrate
    Those who can’t administrate, teach administration

  253. Chaze
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#250):
    That’s okay. I think multiple personalities are fun.

  254. Ezahc
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#253):
    What HE said….

  255. Chaze
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#252):

    Wow…who knew that becoming a school superintendent was the Peter Principle in action? And I thought I was gooooooood.

  256. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#253): I like men with hefty butt cheeks

    *blushes*

  257. Sophia Pygea
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Dang, have to find a new ‘nym.

  258. Sybil
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#250): That’s OK. I also have trouble keeping my identities straight. As well as my tities.

  259. lynn
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    *retires in confusion and defeat*
    *sigh*
    but I had such a wonderful good time with all of you.

  260. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#223): Please explain “200 Club.” I can’t work out anything disturbingly pornographic, nor related to Family Circus, so it must be a real term.

  261. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sybil (#258): It’s okay. Titties are supposed to be curvy.

  262. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#246): No, no, Chaze. You owe the fruitcake to Bad Lynn.

    // She earned it.

  263. Comrade Denny
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#12):

    Sweatbox… ugh.

    Just wait till you meet his sexy twin henchladies, Hotbox and Squeezebox. Guess how they try to kill Tracy.

  264. Majicou
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#260): Comics that Josh has posted about 200 times, maybe?

  265. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#255): Oh, you must have read Dilbert today. Are you above average, as well?

    // I’m in the top 110%.

  266. Alison
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Luann, there is no excuse for not knowing what you’d like to do in college. You have been in high school since the 1980s so you have had more than enough time to think about it.

    Also, what the hell is up with Delta and Bernice? Delta’s in a hot pink vest and big square earrings circa 1991, and Bernice’s spiral perm is straight out of 1987. Crystal looks better than these people do, for crying out loud.

    “Mary Worth”: What’s with all the loony guys in this strip lately? First there was One-Armed Jim with his dead Dawn-lookalike sister and his hair-trigger temper, and now we’ve got a guy who thinks he is the world’s greatest cake master even though a few strips back he was completely shy and unsure of his talents. I hope John Dill loses big-time in the cake contest but I know he’ll get first prize since Saint Mary Worth is helping him.

  267. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#257): When you get to the bottom of it, the Pygea family is fundamentally sound.

  268. Aviatrix
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#114):

    “It’s ok, Dad, these funds are needed for transfer fees. I’ve been talking to a Nigerian finance minister’s nephew, and he will reward us generously if we help him loot his country’s treasury. …What? ….Suspicious of what?”

    That would be quite brilliant. A hilarious tale of cultural references and opportunities to mock for us knowledge-havers, and a serious public service to the ignorant and credible. If you can’t trust the lessons of a comic strip with lots of gazoombas, what or whom can you trust?

  269. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#261): Isn’t that the Prime Directive of the How to Illustrate Judge Parker handbook?

  270. Comrade Denny
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#268): That would be quite brilliant, but I’m afraid we’re in for a boring old “Neddy’s been kidnapped by Albanian mobsters, and now that that they’ve emptied her bank accounts, they’re going to sell her to a sheik” story complete with Sam delivering a tense Takenesque monologue to over the phone.

  271. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#134) said: “…an oldie but a goodie!”

    Thanks. I never met a pun I didn’t steal like.

  272. A Smirch Unheeded
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (#257): Try an anagram, they’ll never guess. How about:

    Sappy Hoagie

    or

    Esophagi Yap

    // Maybe not Yoga Ape Hips.

  273. Comrade Denny
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#272): Wilbur Weston already has dibs on Sappy Hoagie.

  274. A Smirch Unheeded
    January 18th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#114): @Aviatrix (#268): That would be a plot that tests the philsophical boundaries of the JP universe. Can a scam exist which does not somehow enrich Sam Driver’s Pretty People Brigade?

    No, I don’t think that could happen. Like God creating a rock so heavy he cannot lift it, or a triangle with four sides. The concept is self-contradictory. In the JP universe, the Nigerian prince’s offer would turn out to be completely legit, and the Drivers will have to build a money vault to swim in, like Scrooge McDuck.

  275. Liam
    January 18th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#249):

    Thinking back on the quote you are quite possibly right.

  276. Trillian
    January 18th, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I don’t get it. Please help a clueless girl out.

  277. Calico
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#198):
    And there’s this choppy old gem I just found:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0-ARiMzC20
    *Sigh, Dave used to love watching Betty Crocker videos on Youtube*

  278. Sgt. Stoned
    January 18th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Mark told me how you got your name. It’s all Marks fault.” says Mark.

  279. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 18th, 2013 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#261):

    Mmmmmmmmm, Titties! *Homer Simpson drool*

    // Two of my three favorite things!

  280. gnome de blog
    January 19th, 2013 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Don’t forget that Neddy’s student digs consist of a flat in the Sixteenth, for which Abbey wrote a check on the spot for 4 mil. It wasn’t clear whether she had to pay extra for the butler.

    Coincidentally, that was the same amount Sam cleared by selling their share in a two-bit winery in California.

    That particular episode brought us both Sociology Girl and Busty Duncan. Those were the good old days.

  281. annieLurk
    January 19th, 2013 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    JP – Holy crap! Neddy gets $10 large per month?? Sorry, but that seems obscene, (even by JP standards) given that Abby already owns Neddy’s Paris digs. I,m expecting an identity theft story line for the next 6 months. But wait, there are two possible story lines brewing here. How will they work Ned’s finances into the wedding cruise story? Is April really a bad girl after all?

    RMMD – Someone once said that if a gun is introduced in the first act, then somebody will be shot before the play ends. Here we have 2 guns, one hidden, plus an upcoming party (which will take another 6 months to materialize) featuring more “dancers” and the bikers who come with them. Good times!

  282. pepperjackcandy
    January 19th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Clearly Heathcliff’s hand puppet is a watermelon with some kind of skin disorder.

    I suspect it was supposed to be a Swiss cheese, though.

  283. Handsome Pete
    January 20th, 2013 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    The internment camp under Lake Freedom is such big news that it edged out any mention of the new season in the Sports section of the paper? Man, if awkward infodumping could kill.

  284. Here come the Judge
    January 21st, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#109):

    Well, there’s gotta be something causing it…

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