Main content:


Budget cuts mean that Mark has to take his own pictures, with a 30-year-old camera

Mark Trail, 1/22/13

Oh boy, you guys, we’re about to see a side of Mark we don’t usually see: Mark Trail, hard-hitting journalist! Rod Bassy is the king of the professional bass fishing circuit. Women want him; men want to be him. Mr Bassy, what’s the secret to your success? “Well, I’m a better fisherman than the others!” It seems that way! Well, I think I got what I came for, let me just take a few pictures of you in your stately home for the cover. This interview will appear in June’s Woods and Wildlife Magazine, and on our website at woodsandwildlifemagazine.biz just as soon as we can find someone who knows how to make a website.

Archie, 1/22/13

I actually find Dilton’s defensiveness in panel two kind of poignant. He’s not absent minded, OK, he’s just not physically coordinated, we can’t all be popular jocks like you Betty, OK? I relate, but he needs to check himself, because wearing the incorrect sporting equipment for a pre-planned recreational outing isn’t so much “absent minded” as “comically dumb.”

Six Chix, 1/22/13

Look, I can’t fault anyone who’s watched the economic gyrations of the past five years for being gun-shy about investing in equities, but even if you’re just going to go with an all-cash portfolio, you don’t need to physically carry it around with you at all times. Go ahead and keep it in under your mattress or in a dresser or something. It’ll be safe there! JPMorgan Chase isn’t going to turn your drawer into synthetic sock-backed derivatives and sell tranches to investors in China and the United Arab Emirates. Probably not, anyway.

Crankshaft, 1/22/13

Haha, Crankshaft is so embarrassed about his compulsive hoarding that he transparently lies about it to his own family! It’s all just about some harmless gardening supplies, though, which is how you can tell that this is the “fun” Funkyverse strip.

277 responses to “Budget cuts mean that Mark has to take his own pictures, with a 30-year-old camera”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y243): @Nehemiah Scudder (#238): How ’bout Nancy and Sluggo with Superman (and some bird)?

    Seriously. Does anyone know who that bird is?
    [Old Man] Muffaroo? Rocky Stoneaxe? Mibbitmaker? Anyone?

    According to Hake’s, the bird is a parrot:

    http://www.hakes.com/item.asp?AuctionItemID=43173

    The parrot could indicate a commercial tie-in with Poll Parrot Shoes. I know for a fact that Poll Parrot put out a whole series of promotional comic books starring their trademark bird circa 1960 (a few of which I have in my collection).

  2. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Frazz: so, crutches prevent math?

    9CL: it’s about Pure Art, you beefwits! That image of Edda in prime ‘ready for oral’ pose is all in your head!

    Doons: *FLIP TAKE*

    GF: doo-doo-do-doo. (it is SO a war chant!)

    Luann: somemudge yesterday was wondering about Tiffany and Crystal?

    NAoQV, SBp: *snurk*

    Bizarro: F-U, Coastboy. or, glammed up Dinette Setter. either way, me no likee.

    DT: *sqweeee*

    OBH: Noel stole the line from Camus.

    PMP: gold digger AND a size queen!!! Srsly, that is filthyfilthyfilthy.

    Ghost-who-forgets-what-continent-he-is-on: rabbits in my Africa?1?

    SFx: yelling Ents cause lightning. silly Witch.

    Retail: I lol’d.

  3. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .wax play.

  4. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#233): There was a prequel to Lion, Witch & Wardrobe called “The Magician’s Nephew”, which explained why that wardrobe had a connection to the magical land.

  5. Little Blue Bicycle
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft is building a nitrate bomb. The next time Batiuk resets time, a lot of characters are going to get there in a hurry.

  6. Christopher
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft admits to lying about his over-ordering gardening supplies to deflect attention from the dozens of empty vodka bottles hidden in his compost heap.

  7. Chyron HR
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    DT – “Pleased to meet you, Brad. So what kind of partnership do you two run? Real estate management?”

  8. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Arch: I like Reggie in panel 1 getting in a dig at the other character most likely to put one foot through the ice, as Dilton looks like he’s doing. “I put that thin patch of ice there for Archie to die in, and you’re the dumbass who beat him to it! Har!”

  9. Ratiocinator
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    9CL: “In dance, if you haven’t severely injured your legs by the end of the performance, you have fucked up horribly.”

    FW: Look, blonde girl whose name I choose not to look up, when somebody says there was an “unexpected strike” after mentioning that she and her future husband worked in the same place, she is not talking about lightning, or bowling, or baseball, or erasing something from the official record, or anything other than “everybody stopped working”. Unless she’s telling a story about working in a war zone, in which case she might also mean “everybody stopped working because somebody dropped a bomb on them.”

    Also, stop smirking like you just said something clever, because A) it wasn’t clever or funny and B) when your boyfriend’s father might be at death’s door, you kind of want to hold off on the smiles.

    MT: Not enough random bolding in this strip. It should go like this:

    Mark: Mr. Bassy, I’M Mark Trail…I called YOU about AN interview!
    Fishy McFishName: MARK Trail, I’ve heard ABOUT you…YOU write FOR some outdoor magazine…what do you want TO know, Mr. TRAIL?

    You’re slipping, Jackelrod!

    Pibgorn: “I have never seen a fortune cookie, nor has anybody explained to me what they are, but as I understand it fortune cookies are things which pop out of toilets and soda cans.”

    RMMD: “Remember: only beat up the people who didn’t give us money! God, do I need to explain how this protection racket’s supposed to work again?!

  10. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Beetle: Paging Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud please report for duty.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#2): As I recall, Bangalla is on the continent of Austrafrindia.

  11. KreatureFeatures
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail could take Mr. Bassy down a notch by publishing a photo of those ghastly green plaid curtains around Bassy’s window.

  12. Liam
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Whereas all I’ll get is the blame.”

    A3G-With this being New York that sound probably was a gunshot and the shudder was just a plane hitting a building.

    MW-And work on it several times. Maybe as often as fifty times a day.

  13. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    DT – I like the way the strip has introduced this couple without creating a huge fanfare about them being a couple, and how incredibly progressive the author is to take such a huge risk. No castles for them to hide behind, either. Nice to see an acknowledgement that it is 2013 in the real world, even thought the strip appears to still be operating in the early 1960s.

    MT – “I heard you write for some outdoor magazine.”
    “Sort of. I do write some for Outdoor Magazine.”
    “Wow. With your column, that must be some outdoor magazine!”
    “Some of it is. I’d show you a sample, but I left it outdoors.”
    “I saw some magazine outdoors when I came in, maybe it has your article in it?”
    “Could be, I do write some for that outdoor magazine.”
    “Wait, I’m confused, can I go outdoors and read some magazine and then try this again from the top?”

  14. wossname
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Beetle – I’m sure there will be lots of snark about the phallic imagery in panel 2, but I’m more interested in the emblems on the helmets in panel 1. The general has a star – OK, I get that. But other-guy-whose-name-I’m-proud-to-say-I-don’t-know has the shape of a squished possum on his helmet. I suppose when you get down to the lowly privates, their helmets have shapes of cockroaches, or amoebas.

    MW – Never mind the cake, Dawn and Toby have a great future as a magic act. Did you see how the fork that was in Dawn’s hand in panel 1 magically jumped to Toby’s hand in panel 2? Now that’s some prestidigitation, folks!

    Scary Gary – Coasters are little things you put drinks on. Casters are little wheels on furniture. (And castors are beavers, but that’s not important now.)

    A S-M – I confess to not following this putative plot very closely, but is there any reason to doubt that Kraven took the real tiara with him, and it’s the fake that’s going back to the museum?

  15. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Sixchix: “Look at me, carrying my portfolio around with me! It’s so tiny that it doesn’t even put a bulge in one sock! Ha ha! When I retire, I’ll be completely dependent on a meager government check! In times of high inflation, I’ll be eating cat food or scrounging from soup kitchens! Ha ha! Try my SOCK MARKET PLAN! Please! I need someone to share my misery! Augh! Life is so f’ing brutal, and I’m going to move to Westview!”

  16. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW:
    Toeby: I thought that would be the easy part. When it’s not difficult, doesn’t everyone say “It’ll be a ‘cakewalk’”?

  17. pugfuggly
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MT Make sure to catch Mark Trail’s other outdoor news exclusives, like Hunter Deerman: ‘I hunt better because I shoot more accurately’ and Walkingstick Hiker: ‘I use a map when I go on a walk:

    Archie He is absent minded: he’s been wearing those things since last August.

    6Cx “Just make sure that your sock portfolio is in small change, then pick a wealthy-looking jogger in a secluded part of the park and BAM! Double your investment!”

  18. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Sick Chix — The lady on the right is an exotic dancer at a local “gentlemen’s club.” Before she transferred her money to an old pink sock, she kept it stuffed down her panties.

    Her OTHER pink sock was donated to Mooch in the Mutts comic.

  19. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn – Update for those of you who avoid the strip.

    Today, the guy with the head shaped like a penis is talking to one of the sex goddess faeries. There is a wall of text. For panel 2, in the most phallic thing you will see in the comics today, he implies that she is going to stroke the tip of his head. Instead, in panel 3, she zaps him with her vagina. Suddenly, they are flying through space, and she is wearing a different skin-tight costume!! Finally, they land on the grass, where she sprawls out, exhausted, while he strokes the top of his penis-head and complains about the pain.

  20. Chareth Cutestory
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “What do you have to say in regards to the frequent doping allegations, Mr. Bassy? Why does the BassStrong Foundation refuse to even address the issue?”

    “My ruthless desire to win at all costs served me well on the fishing rod, Mr Trail, but the level it went to, for whatever reason, is a flaw. That desire, that attitude, that arrogance.”

  21. Mibbitmaker
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MT: Rod isn’t a teen girl or woman, no lips o’ loveliness (as borrowed from FOOB), plus he’s in Mark Trail — but that guy could easily be a patented Greg Evans fake villain.
    Uh…. ever manage a burger joint, Rod…?

    9CL: Looks like Brooke, going for (somewhat) charming visual gags this week, is saving his insufferable side for Glibporn.

    Glibporn: Insufferable, yes… but much more incomprehensible today than anything.

    MW: “Oh, wait! I didn’t break my swans a while back, it was some drunken lady. Forget what I said…”

  22. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MT: He’s a bad guy, all right. Boasting about being “better” and everything. Just because he catches more fish and wins more competitions show that he’s a “better fisherman” it just makes him a …. Wait, I gues it does. I mean, what’s the point of a fishing competition if not to find out who is the better fisherman?

    There was that boxer guy who was always spouting about how he was “The Greatest”, as if knocking out his opponents in the boxing ring was some demonstration of his boxing prowess. Ha.

  23. Clint Brawny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Archie: Dilton is wearing his little sister’s skates. When this first ran twenty years ago, the final panel had Betty pointing out his girl skates.

  24. Peanut Gallery
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Sherman’s Lagoon – Before the last panel, I thought she was going to become the Coppertone girl.

  25. Little A.
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Doon: Alex is pregnant! This is good! I feel like smiling!

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Narnia portals.

    next in PBS.

    simple yet elegant fun with food. *mindblown*

    The Burning Bush was a hint. *ROFLMAO*

    for Poteet.

    otter winks.

    The Daily Puppy is a corgi. go there and squeee.

    corgsqui. V. . ^

    corgi being proactively lazy. (I need to remember that phrase!)

  27. Pozzo
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Archie: I think this was just a desperate ploy on Dilton’s part to get a female to touch him.

  28. Stroker Ace
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Archie – Reggie shoulda said “Hey, that’s Archie’s line Diltdo!”

  29. cheech wizard
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    MT – Some of the outdoorsman-type shops here in Michigan carry a t-shirt with the following:

    Women want me
    Fish fear me

    A slightly loopy female friend of mine rephrased it as:

    Women want me fish. Fear me!

  30. Ratiocinator
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): I confess to not following this putative plot very closely, but is there any reason to doubt that Kraven took the real tiara with him, and it’s the fake that’s going back to the museum?

    Oh, I hope that’s what happened!

  31. Little Blue Bicycle
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MT: “So Mr. Bassy, you think you’re that much better than Rod Trouty, Rod Whitefishy, Rod Perchy, and Rodrigo Tilapiay?”

  32. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I have serious ethical concerns about showing Crank both adorable and contrite.

    I’d ask someone point me to the fight that Hillary in Sally Forth is referring to, but the Chron only goes back a month now, so it’s probably lost to time.

  33. Cloudbuster
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Today, children, I’m going to tell you a story about Drusilla’s magic vagina….

  34. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#y252): A cake contest / WipeOut! crossover, featuring Mary Worth and John Dill? I’d buy that DVD.

    @wossname (#14):

    A S-M – I confess to not following this putative plot very closely, but is there any reason to doubt that Kraven took the real tiara with him, and it’s the fake that’s going back to the museum?

    I’m guessing that by this point, the cops, like the writers of this strip, are pretty much saying, “Meh. Fuck it. What’s on TV?”

  35. Chareth Cutestory
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Archie: Dilton isn’t absent-minded at all during his awkward display. He feverish mind is present inside his clumsy body all throughout. Aware that the girls are looking at him with not-quite-pity and not-quite-disgust, aware that the local loudmouths are braying remarks, and aware that one day… one day… all of Riverdale is going to burn.

  36. Cloudbuster
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    ASM: Three cheers for Kraven! The good guy escaped! (Kraven is the good guy, right?)

  37. Horace Broon
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    ASM: Spidey seems kind of bitter that the cops are going to get the credit for retrieving the tiara. It’s hard to understand why, since he can’t possibly be so deluded as to think he deserves any of it.

    Marm: “Mom tried to stop Marmeduke from packing my lunch. This is all that’s left of her.”

    MW: Seriously, just admit you have no idea how a cake contest works and bring the storyline to a premature halt.

  38. TheDiva
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: “Oh yeah, it’s because I’m a sociopath who is uninterested in and incapable of understanding the needs and feelings of others. Well, I’m off to spend the mortgage money on gardening supplies I don’t need!”

    MT: Huh, so apparently Gaston’s dad is big on the sport fishing circuit.

  39. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    If Dawn Had Friends:

    “Dawn, don’t you want any pizza?”
    “Ugh, no, I’m too full from all that cake.”
    “Cake? What cake?”
    “You know that neighbor of ours, Mrs. Worth?”
    “Yeah, your old-lady BFF.”
    “Whatever. Anyway, she’s making these, like, practice cakes for some Santa Royale cake contest.”
    “Santa Royale has a cake contest?”
    “Ohmygod. We live in the lamest town ever.”
    “Seriously. Fuck my life.”
    “Yeah, so, she’s, like, assisting this other old guy, and they’re, like, making cakes. And someone has to eat the cakes.”
    “Is ‘making cakes’ code for old-people sex?”
    “Ew.”
    “So how are the cakes?”
    “Yeah, do they taste like old people?”
    “They’re just . . . , like, pink.”
    “Pink? What do you mean, pink?”
    “Pink. Pink frosting. Pink cake. Pink fucking flowers. Pink.”
    “This old dude makes pink cakes?”
    “Yeah. I feel like I’m at some fucking Princess Party from when I was 12.”
    “Hey, next time, take a picture and post it on CakeWrecks!”

  40. Écureuil Écumant
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    BB: “Killer” is finding out the hard way that tanks don’t come equipped with shock absorbers.

  41. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Betty is being generous calling Dilton “genius” in a friendly, non-sarcastic way. In my youth, someone who wore roller skates to an ice rink would be called “fucking idiot” (in a friendly, non-sarcastic way).

  42. TheDiva
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    A3G: Evan unleashed Armageddon in Margo’s apartment!”

    FW: The joke isn’t funny and its setup makes no earthly sense, but it’s still a step up from the strip’s usual mix of smug and depressing. (Smupressing?)

    Luann: Logic according to Luann:
    Luann doesn’t know what a career fair is. Luann is a charmingly quirky girl.
    Tiffany doesn’t know what cosmology is. Tiffany is a ditzy flake who deserves ridicule.

    MW: Quick, I need a trip wire and directions to the cake decorating contest.

    Pibgorn: So, basically, the plot (such as it is) exists only as an excuse to arrange for various pairings, exotic costumes, and entendre. (It’s not subtle enough for “double entendre.”) How is this not a porno again?

    SM: Abby Tiara sounds like the name of a Sesame Street character. There, I said it.

  43. seismic-2
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): I remember Poll Parrot kid’s shoes and their comic books! They competed with Buster Browne (and his dog Tige) shoes and their comic book. Wasn’t there also Pied Piper shoes and their comic book, too? I’m pretty sure I picked up all of those on my visits to the shoe store, back in the day. Wow, I’m old.

  44. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    MT: How did you get so good?

    Bassy: It’s my bait. I use Master brand bait! It relaxes the fish and they don’t struggle so much. (turns to camera) Try MASTER BAIT – It relieves the tension!

  45. bats :[
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

  46. Downpuppy, Wondering
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#42): It’s been about 3 days since Tiffany’s detailed makeup plan was the big joke. Now she doesn’t know what Cosmetology is?

    Evans has gone far, far beyond not caring. He’s ready for Crankshaft.

  47. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MT: Mr. Bassy, what makes you win?

    Bassy: I’m a better fisherman!

    MT: Mr. Trickle, what makes you win?

    Dick Trickle: I’m a better driver!

    MT: Mr. Jordan, what makes you win?

    Michael Jordan: I end up with a higher score!

    MT: Mr Woods, what makes win?

    Tiger Woods: I end up with a lower score!

    MT: That doesn’t make sense, but it WOULD make a great STORY.

  48. Santa Royale With Cheese
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    S-M: I’m not exactly sure why Spidey needs to protect his secret identity. Seems to me any mope can stand next to a crime scene and scratch his head over the details.

    JP: The equivalent to “at least it’s not raining.”

    MT: “It seems that way.” Yes, that’s what winning bass tournaments means. Try to keep up.

  49. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    JP: It’s first thing in the morning for Sam Driver, but it’s too late for France? France, where they eat dinner at 10pm?

  50. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#32): I’d ask someone point me to the fight that Hillary in Sally Forth is referring to

    Basically, Hillary was talking to the one friend (the one in today’s strip) and called her her “best friend” while the other friend was within earshot. Second-place friend took offense and is not speaking to either of them. Actual, realistic middle-school student behavior!

    @TheDiva (#42): Pibgorn: So, basically, the plot (such as it is) exists only as an excuse to arrange for various pairings, exotic costumes, and entendre. (It’s not subtle enough for “double entendre.”) How is this not a porno again?

    It is missing one key ingredient – actual on-screen sex. This is like what they used to run on late-night Cinemax or the Spice Channel, where they cut out the sex scenes from a porno and run a 45 minute montage of nonsensical dialogue and setups, with the occasional ‘action’ behind a strategically placed vase or pillow. Still no giant heads in the shape of a penis. However, there may have been giant penises the size of someone’s head that were just edited out.

  51. bats :[
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#26): O what a sad puppy!

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#32): it had to do with Nona overhearing a conversation and realizing that she was not a “best friend” to Hilary.

  52. Holly Folly
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    I bet that ‘garden supplies’ is a code word for ‘drugs’ in their household. Lot’s and lot’s of drugs.

  53. stu
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    How does Rod Bassy win? He cheats! HE’S A FISH!

  54. Mustang
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT – What in the hell did these guys talk about on the phone if Bassy doesn’t know who Mark Trail is, who he works for, or why he wants to interview him? “Hello.” “Hello. Can I come to your house?” “Yes.” “Bye.” “Bye.”

  55. Nekrotzar
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    6Chx: If I had the ability to wave my hand and change a park bench into a piece of footwear stuffed with currency, I wouldn’t be concerned with investments either.

  56. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#50): Thanks for the explanation! That really IS middle schooler behavior… and high schooler, and uni, and adulthood…

  57. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Thanks for your research, Rocky. The Poll Parrot tie in is possible but the images I checked don’t seem to match the one on the button especially the 1960 version on the comic book. The reference you provided indicates the button is from the 1940′s.

  58. seismic-2
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    A3G: Just before he went to bed, Greg was complaining that the moon was too bright and the city was too quiet. Now, with the moon hidden by the pink smoke rising from the explosion that rocked the building, both problems are solved. “Ah, normalcy is restored!” Greg thinks contentedly, before rolling over and going back to sleep.

  59. Ulysses Pornstache III
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MT: Rod Bassy appears to be a quintessentially American square-jawed smooth-shaven fisherman, but only through the judicious application of Inviso-Stache brand flesh-colored moustache makeup. Sinister fiend.

  60. Mikey
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#12): Hmmm, fifty times a day, you say. No,no, sadly that just won’t do I’m afraid. Why, when I was a Hotel Manager we practiced bed making at least ONE HUNDRED and fifty times a day. This will be our goal and fate, one in the same, if we are to conquer and reign over the Santa Royal Cake Community. Did I mention I was once a Hotel Manager!?

  61. Greg
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    6Chix: “Wait, isn’t that the sock your husband masturbates into?” “Yeah. We’re really gross.”

  62. Liam
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MT-An outdoor magazine you say. Would this be the sort of outdoor magazine where are enjoying the outdoors like their ancestors did? You know naked.

  63. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#43): While I don’t remember the Pied Piper brand of shoes, Western Publishing and Red Goose Shoes put out a series of “Reddy Goose” comics at the same time as the Poll Parrots:

    http://d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net/n_iv/600/874877.jpg

    And I’m old, too!

  64. Liam
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    FW-”Oh! You were trying to make a joke. I get it now.”

    Gil Thorp-Finding the peacock, is that like Finding Jesus?

    Slylock-Ahhh! The witch is making good on her threat.

    FC-”Sorry but I can’t eat when your fat ass is watching me.”

    MW-”How much longer are we going to have to have these fake smiles plastered on our faces and pretend we like this cake?”

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Archie: Pink roller skates mean Dilton is really secure in his masculinity. Oh right, he’s blind as a mole.

    6C: “Oh wait, this is the sock I defecate into. The principle still stands, though.”

    MW: Mary is nervous because she’s starting to deduce that John is actually the chef on “Sesame Street” who always fell down the stairs.

    Ziggy: How do you even measure loneliness that drives you to answer questions your cat didn’t even ask?

    WofI: You see a fascist dictator in the future? Congratulations, you just figured out the premise of your own strip.

    BSt: Van Amerongen’s response to online criticism is somewhat more… primal than Brooke McEldowney’s.

    JP: Sam will presumably be at Randy’s wedding as well. That way he can pester Judge Emeritus Parker over his script writing in purpose instead of sending a million annoying texts. Nah, he’ll still do the other thing.

    RMMD: “Rex is married, get it? Because it really is a joke.”

    BB: I thought Killer was doing all right with the ladies already, but he seems to feel himself inadequate in some way.

    S-M: Spider-Man’s real superpower is the ability to make you feel better about yourself, but you knew that.

    Marvin: Bitsy was prescient, but the Millers didn’t take heed. Ah well, hindsight is 20/20.

    A3G: Greg will be tempted to use the “did the earth move for you too” line when he finds Margo, but he should probably resist.

  66. Shrug, Glancingly
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y225):

    For a while, the local paper (Minneapolis STAR TRIBUNE) ran POOCH CAFE in the classifieds section, with the dogs/cats/etc. availability ads. (They didn’t announce the addition when they did so, and when they dropped it after a few months they didn’t announce that either. If I weren’t a compulsive classifieds-glancer-at I might have gone the entire period without ever having been introduced to the strip.)

  67. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#14):

    …the phallic imagery… But [Major Greenbrass] has the shape of a squished possum on his helmet. I suppose when you get down to the lowly privates, their helmets have shapes of cockroaches, or amoebas.

    Some time back, a ‘Mudgeon suggested that Camp Swampy is really a military-themed S&M retreat. Everything about today’s strip supports that theory.

    AS-M: All right, True Beleaguers, now that this story is over and we only have 5-10 more days of strips recapitulating what just happened, let’s Spider-lib the panel that will introduce the next story:

    “Meanwhile, in [location], [classic Spider-villain] [present-tense verb] his/her [noun].”

    Remember, it isn’t Newspaper Spider-Man unless the character is engaged in behavior that completely contradicts his or her donnée or raison d’être.

  68. Oregonian
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    That Rod Bassy,
    he’s a real bad-assey!
    He’s even more sassy
    than Haile Selassie!

    Does that rhyme? I hope it rhymes. I’m not even aiming for it making sense.

  69. Illustrator Steve
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#20): “WHAT do you have to say in regards to the frequent doping allegations, Mister Bassy?”
    “Mister, Trail, I am surprised at you. Do you think for one second that I, the bass fishing champion of the southern part of the state, would tell YOU, a low budget magazine writer, the truth?! Hell no, a sportsman. such as myself, that has gained as much wealth and fame as I have would only tell my true story to someone who could afford to pay me what I deserve!….I’m sorry, Mister Trail, you must leave now…a call from Oprah Winfrey is on hold!”

  70. seismic-2
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#63): Red Goose Shoes! I had one or more of their promotional plastic “golden eggs” that functioned as a piggy bank. What wonderful toys and comics we got when we bought shoes, back then! Of course, the big treat was using Buster Browne Shoes’ fluoroscope, that let you try on a new pair of shoes and use the screen to peer inside and see just how well your foot fit inside it and how much toe room there was to grow into, an important consideration for kids. Of course, the kids who delighted in using that machine for extended periods of time on every trip to buy shoes have now grown up and developed bone cancer. Oh, the wonderful fun we had, at the shoe store!

  71. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#68):

    I’m not even aiming for it making sense.

    Don’t worry about it. Haile Salassie is revered by Rastafarians as the Second Coming of Christ, Christ performed the miracle of the loaves and fishes, and Rod Bassy has an uncanny ability to catch fish. As things go, it makes more sense than most Mark Trail plots.

  72. Shrug, Telling Tales Out of School
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @stu (#53):

    “How does Rod Bassy win? He cheats! HE’S A FISH!”

    No, that would be silly. He’s not a fish. He just married one.

    // His brother-in-law is a hitfish for the mob, and he arranges for the victims to get hooked by Rod.

  73. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#57): It’s entirely possible this button was a promotional tie-in between the Sun-Times newspaper and the local Poll Parrots. Since the Poll Parrot brand was first marketed in the 1920s, it’s conceivable that WWII-era
    kids were offered the button as a freebie when their parents brought them in
    to buy a pair of shoes.

    I’m just speculating, of course, but I think my theory makes sense (until something better comes along).

  74. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#64):Gil Thorp-Finding the peacock, is that like Finding Jesus?

    Well, he has already recruited a follower to help him search, and is crediting the peacock with intervening on his behalf to influence the results of an athletic competition, so I’d say “Yes”.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#65):MW: Mary is nervous because she’s starting to deduce that John is actually the chef on “Sesame Street” who always fell down the stairs.

    That was my first thought also! “Twelve Coconut Cream and Custard Piiiiies!!! … Whooops!”. I thought Sesame Street, but was worried that it might be Electric Company instead, as they had a lot of sponsorship money coming in from the number 12 as well. At least a dozen dollars!

  75. Illustrator Steve
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#44): “Try MASTER BAIT – it relieves the tension!”

    Good one! But, DANG, You BEAT me to it! My remark was going to be…. Not only does Ron Bassy insist that he is the best fisherman in the southern part of the state, he also thinks of himself as the best baiter bacause all of the other fishing fellows around call him the Master Baiter!

  76. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#73): Did you notice that the button sold for over $3,100? I got to check out some old buttons I’ve got stashed away.

  77. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#70): It’s a little known fact that for decades the local Buster Brown shoe franchise got sizable kickbacks from dozens of MDs in and around Westview, Ohio. (Bone cancer is a cottage industry in Funkytown!)

  78. bats :[
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#y219): strangely enough, when enough plots are batshit insane (with Luann creepy kissylips thrown in), it really isn’t that difficult

  79. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    A3G: Finally. We’re seeing some of the blue people featured.

  80. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#76): And just think: only four of those buttons are known to exist. If you manage to find a fifth, will you take all of us out to dinner?

  81. Calico
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    YT #270 Rana – I know, I’ve seen a couple of sugar sculptures go crashing down (not in person, or I would have probably started bawling) and it was heartbreaking.
    In instances like that, I guess it’s good to either have a very thick skin, or be engaged in Hindu or Buddhist philosophy to help ease the pain.

  82. Kinghasnoclothes
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Moving into Funkyverse with Alzheimer’s storyline.
    Funkbean: Bleak streak. How many days (years?) of heavy-lidded depression?
    Tank: Surreal 2days in a row
    Marm: A rare Marmless strip.

  83. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#80): No, today’s my 62nd birthday and I’m feeling old. Ya’ll can take me out… and leave me there.

  84. Calico
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    It’s akin to watching a Tiffany, Bugatti, or Chihuly break (knock on wood, not sure if that ever happened)

  85. Calico
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83):
    Happy 62 years young! Be well! : )

  86. Tonio
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    JP: Anyone notice that Mike Manley has been drawing women as angry lately, particularly if they’re wearing glasses? Bea looked like she was about to reach for her shotgun to convince Sam and Avery to mind their own business. And Katherine looked ready to crash the wedding like an avenging angel.

  87. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#81):

    It the cake is so fragile that it is prone to collapsing, that is a design issue. You need to create a more stable foundation, add supports, avoid giant Dora heads on tiny Dora necks that vibrate when the wind blows (see the Wreck of the Cakea Dora video on yesterthread). Moving the cake from one table to another is, apparently, part of the contest rules, so it should be regarded as fundamental – like being in-bounds when you catch the pass – and not some obscure technicality.

    Maybe John Dill isn’t as clueless as we think. A pink, round cake with two symmetrical layers on top of each other shouldn’t be a problem, even if John hasn’t had his pint of vodka that morning and his hands are trembling.

  88. Dood
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “It sure seems that way! Not that I would cast any doubt on your abilities! Whoa, did I just make a pun?”

  89. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83):

    No, today’s my 62nd birthday and I’m feeling old. Ya’ll can take me out… and leave me there.

    Maybe you could monetize that feeling by writing/drawing a comic strip. Call it Ice Floe Follies. Think Funky Winkerbean as written by Jack London, with a dash of Pluggers.

  90. kingklash
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    “HI! I’m Mark Trail.”
    “I’ve heard of you, you’re Mark Trail! You write for a magazine, Mr. Mark Trail.”
    “Yes, On the Trail With Mark Trail, with the byline ‘From the pen of Mark Trail’.”
    Bassy.

  91. Aerin
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    If I were able to pull a sock full of money out of thin air at any given moment, I’d have a great deal of faith in that system too.

  92. Duke of Earl Grey
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Oh! I get it! Rod Bassy is the Lance Armstrong of fishing, and Mark Trail is going to expose his earthworm doping scheme!

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @kingklash (#90): “I am Fix-It Felix Jr, ma’am, from the game Fix-It Felix Jr.”

  94. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    3G – An explosion and the room shook? Probably the earth-shattering sound of the plot advancing a quarter of an inch.

    Beetle – They should let Killer ride the A-bomb next time they start World War III.

    Marmaduke – “Every aspect of my life is dominated by an immense dog with some disturbingly human-like aspects overlaying stereotypically cliched aspects of caninity.”

  95. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    NancyFritzi Ritz, puttin’ on the obitz. [*]

    Prickly – The new paradigm is padding by running the same joke every day with different words.

    Tarzan – “Hey! Animals killing another animal! THIS WILL NOT STAND. Not in MY jungle!”

  96. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83): Happy birthday, amigo. How about a dish of rainbow swirl ice cream at one of Santa Royale’s finest eating establishments?

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9BDjq95UHyk/TvHN0mePQfI/AAAAAAAAEl0/UPayd-gq5tY/s1600/1194.jpg

  97. Gringo
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MT: So Rod Bassy is going to regale Mark with the story of his girlfriend, whom he met four years ago at a bass-fishing tournament, and who got hit by a drunk driver and then developed leukemia and died just as the current bass-fishing season was starting.

    And Mark will run the story and refer to it over and over again for its inspirational aspects as Bassy piles up win after win and becomes a frontrunner for Bass Fisherman of the Year.

    And then the whole story collapses when it’s revealed Bassy’s girlfriend was nothing more than an Internet hoax, and Mark never bothered to fact-check anything he was told.

    Nah. That could never happen.

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y243): Sorry, no idea what bird that is. Looks parroty to me too.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): I have a Poll Parrot comic or two as well, from the 60s, when we actually bought shoes from a dealer (I used to think the store was called Poll Parrot Shoes, but it was really The Shoe Box) who had a parrot in a cage and actually gave out issues of the comic. Ah, the days when they gave free junk with kids’ shoes! Kinney’s had little undersized comic books (now highly collectible), while others had tiny rings with wiggle pictures, or elaborate little multifunction plastic gizmos (whistle, code wheel, secret compartment — maybe even a SIGNAL MIRROR). They also came with life lessons: even with P.F. Flyers, “The Magic Shoes,” I was still a clumsy, lumbering little slob. Not that I learned much from it, but still, there it was.

    @hogenmogen (#47): MT: Mr. Trickle, what makes you win?
    Dick Trickle: I’m a better driver!

    MT: Mr. Driver, what makes you win?
    Sam Driver: I’m a bigger dick!

    @seismic-2 (#70): Yeah, on a visit to my grandma in the 60s, we went to a department store in Chicagoland to get shoes — I suspect some family charity was involved here — and they had a fluoroscope, and I was so disappointed that it was out of order, because I wanted to see my toe bones. And this, no doubt, is why I don’t presently have some horrible disease of the foot.

    @Sequitur (#83): Happy burfday!

  99. Ranger™
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83): It’s also Dr. David Banner’s birthday, so don’t hulk out on us, bro.

  100. greghousesgf
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Peanuts essentially did that same joke as Archie, only better, it had Lucy yelling about running away from home to join the roller derby, and Linus said “With ice skates?” and Lucy looking embarrassed and saying “That ruined a dramatic exit.”

  101. bbofun
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): Kraven was arrested, and then escaped custody, so he doesn’t have either real or fake tiara with him (unless Sherry was still wearing the fake one, which is possible).

  102. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#89): I’m okay. My wife gave me a hoops and yoyo card and baked a chocolate cake.

  103. Charlene
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Does Mark Trail actually take pictures with that camera, or is he the Flava Flav of the outdoorsy crowd?

    And if so, does he have a grill or merely a hunk of grass in his teeth?

  104. Stev0
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    If Dilton is “the original” because he conforms to an specific archetype, I don’t think the Archie Joke Generating Laugh Unit 3000 quite knows the definition of the word “original”.

  105. Government Cheese
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Where exactly is Tiffany strutting to? The Prostitutes’ Guild table?

    Mary Worth: I’m worried about carrying the cake! That’s a legitimate concern. What happens if I get IBS and take a dump in the cake? OOoohhh I’m so nervous!

  106. bbofun
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    ASM- “Hey, I have super-powers and he nearly killed me! You don’t see me crying about it, do you? So, buck up! We’re all bozos on this bus!”

    Pibgorn- and now we get some sort of origin story for the succubus. And it involves the Djinn. No chance you could actually wrap up a story before starting another one, eh, Brooke. Oh, that’s right- you’re writing a novel. I forgot.

    A3G- So, what was Evan’s plan in all this? If Margo had been in her apartment, would he have given her the package and told her not to open it? And what is he going to get out of giving her a stinkbomb, anyway- is this his way of resigning? And just how powerful an explosive did he put in it that the noise could be heard across the hall- and it would shake the walls across the halls? And why am I thinking so much about Apt. 3G, anyway? AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!

  107. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#101):

    He managed to hold on to the tiara even while he was in custody. He knew that prehensile rectum would come in handy one day, once he learned to use it in tandem with his inflatable coccyx.

  108. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#102): That’s nice. I guess Ice Floe Follies will have to wait ’til some other ‘Mudgeon has an age-related existential crisis.

  109. Cloudbuster
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#42): How is this not a porno again?

    No exposed private parts.

    That’s pretty much it.

    Other than that the strip couldn’t be close to pornography is the next scene showed Pib answering the door to reveal a sexy pizza delivery man.

  110. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#102): Happy birthday, Sequitur! Don’t eat any pink cake; try this instead! (Substitute “Sequitur” for “Grandpa.”)

  111. Cloudbuster
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Mustang (#54): Since that sounds exactly like an actual conversation in Mark Trail, I hereby deem it to be canon. Can I get a confirmation from The Real Mark Trail?

  112. Not Worth It
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft – So, the second and third panels are virtually identical, but not quite. Do you think they were meticulously hand-drawn to eliminate visual interest from the strip, or lazily cut & pasted, with minor variations penciled as a sort of cross-over with Slylock Fox’s spot-the-difference game?

  113. Calico
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Gardening supplies Hell! Crank wants to order things to make… ummm…

    Plus, I was SO waiting for a “money in the matress” comment.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_zsCZLJ0vY

  114. terrapin
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    MT: “How did you get your nickname Mr. Bassy? By catching a lot of bass? My friend, Bluegill got his nickname by catching a lot of bluegill, that’s why I’m asking. My friend, Crabs…well you don’t need to know how Crabs got his nickname.”

  115. Marc
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G- If it was a distant gunshot, you’ve got nothing to worry about Greg-o.

    Mark Trail- I love that everybody has totally blown off Rusty since they arrived at wherever it is they are. I can’t help but wonder where he is now and what trouble he has no doubt gotten himself into due to the lack of adult supervision.

    Mark Worth- In a few months there is going to be an onslaught of Charterstone residents being diagnosed with diabetes.

    Funky- Just think how fortunate you would have been if it actually was a lightning strike. With any luck you would have been dead on the spot and wouldn’t have had to spend the rest of your life suffering in the hell hole known as Westview.

    Luann- Considering that all you girls in this strip do in your free time is apply layer after layer of makeup, does she really need to take cosmetology?

  116. wossname
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83): Happy birthday, Sequitur, you young pup!

  117. Calico
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#87):
    Agreed. But sugar art is less fluid (cakes are kind of like skyscrapers built to sway a bit in the wind).

    I, too, thought that Rana’s vid of the Dora cake showed that it was made with too high a center of gravity. I thought they should have placed a stick or two in the head myself, but maybe the rules forbade that. : )

  118. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#114): “And my friend Nit hates his nickname, but I told him that he can’t afford to be picky.”

  119. Lynn "Foob" Johnston
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    FW: Y’know what might enliven this strip? If he came out of the ICU with a speech impediment! Because laughing at old, handicapped people is HILARIOUS!

  120. Amos Snarkadder
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Rod Bassy – Women want him; men want to be him.”
    Well, no wonder. He’s so muscular and virile looking! Like he just walked out of a Tom of Finland illustration…. Hey, wait a minute. Now it all falls into place; wiith a name like Rod Bassy, this must be a Mark Trail-Tom of Finland mashup.

  121. Droopy Says
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): is there any reason to doubt that Kraven took the real tiara with him, and it’s the fake that’s going back to the museum?

    Kraven had a chance to swap the tiaras when he caught Showgirl Sherry. And it wouldn’t surprise me if it turns out the two of them faked their lover’s quarrel (evidence aside) and plotted all these events from the start (logic aside). A Spiderman story seems to depend on unpredicable turns of event (unpredictable because they contradict what has gone before).

  122. seismic-2
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Moe the Chimp was trained to snatch the real tiara. Maybe he did so again, and Sherry has the real one with the fake one headed back to the museum. It’s fortunate that the museum then in fact isn’t housing the real tiara, since Spidey bent the bars on the windows (when he broke into the museum to watch the tiara being stolen and follow it back to Kraven, but of course the cops tell Jonah there’s no reason at all to arrest him for anything!). Anyway, I hope Peter Parker gets arrested for public health violations, walking away from his job with a stage full of elephant dung left unshoveled.

  123. Jasper
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    RMMD- Actually, a good ole hair pulling, face scratching, clothes tearing catfight between two strippers, now there’s a way to raise some money. I know I would pay a good buck to see that.

    MT- Old Blue was right, the cockiness is just oozing out of Rod Bassy.

  124. pastordan, lazy professor
    January 22nd, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: I so want a bumper-sticker on that van: “How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-MEEE. Owned & Operated by Independent Chimps for KravenCo.”

    This is relevant – and superior – to today’s Archie.

    Apt. 3-G: I suppose it’s already been said, but a)that package must be something special to wake Greg down the hall without stirring Margo, and shooting a pink miasma besides and b)Greg’s spidey-sense sucks almost as hard as Peter Parker’s.

    Bizarro: Not snark: I always enjoy it when I’m talking to someone from England, and they say “You’re from Wisconsin? That’s in the Middle-West, isn’t it?” Also loved the drunken Frenchwoman who insisted she knew exactly where Wisconsin was: due north of Iowa, but that’s another story.

    Judge Parker: I sure hope he gets that screenplay done! Otherwise, I won’t have enough twenties to burn for heat on my yacht!

    Mark Trail: Josh has noted how out-of-date Mark’s camera seems. Here’s a more modern rig: my friend John prepping to tape yesterday’s inaugural parade. (He was the guy just in front of the Obamas as they walked down Pennsylvania Ave.)

    Mary Worth: The trembling of advanced Parkinson’s Disease is something you can work on?

    Pibgorn: This is it! This is the big one!! I see the lights dimming around me!!! I see myself unsubscribing from this feed!!!</Red Foxx>

    Sinfest: This is true.

    Ziggy: Felix was nothing like Garfield: not orange, not poorly drawn, not a fan of lasagne or asinine comments. He was, however, marketed out the yin-yang, so I suppose there is a small resemblance there. On the other hand, Garfield never inspired a soft-porn classic like Fritz the Cat, and if he did, I don’t want to know about it.

  125. pastordan, lazy professor
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83): Happy Cakeday!

  126. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#120): “this must be a Mark Trail-Tom of Finland mashup.”

    *sigh*

    I miss Dingo.

    he did those mashups so well.

  127. seismic-2
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#113): Right, Pam has caught Crankshaft in the act of ordering several 50-pound sacks of seed from Bubba and Avery Solar Farms, Inc.

  128. A Stage Full of Elephant Dung
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#122):

    ” Anyway, I hope Peter Parker gets arrested for public health violations, walking away from his job with a stage full of elephant dung left unshoveled.”

    It’s O.K. Honest. I’ll pick up after myself. Anything, just as long as Parker leaves NOW. And stays away.

    // He’s lowering the tone of the elephant dung area by his very presence.

  129. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    In retrospect, do any of you regret being convinced by a red goose to buy particular shoes?

    (yes, i am familiar with plastic, golden eggs and goosing a goose to get them)

  130. Shrug, Slashing Out
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#124):

    “On the other hand, Garfield never inspired a soft-porn classic like Fritz the Cat, and if he did, I don’t want to know about it.”

    There’s probably some Garfield-Arthur slash porn fiction out there on the web.

    /// Oh, Garfield *the cat*. That’s different. That’s very different. Never mind.

  131. Shrug: Feets, Don't Fail Me Then
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#129):

    I recently listened to WAY too many episodes of old time radio show SMILIN’ ED’S BUSTER BROWN GANG

    http://www.otrcat.com/smilin-eds-buster-brown-gang-p-1838.html

    which was sponsored by Buster Brown Shoes, and which had the hardest hard-sell commericals for the product I can recall ever hearing for a kid’s show.

    “Tell your mom and dad if they try to flip you off with ANY sort of shoes other than good old Buster Brown shoes it’ll show they don’t love you and you are perfectly justified in turning them in to the authorities and to setting fire to the house” was pretty much the tenor of the commercials — I exagerrate, but not by much.

  132. Jasper
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    MW- So how do the one person entrants transport their cakes?

    Mary has demonstrated a certain level of discomfort with John Dill’s singular focus and confidence with this whole cake baking deal. She senses that Dill will upstage her and toss her aside, claiming sole responsibiltiy for their culinary creation. Nobody fucks with Mary Worth in that way. If Dill gets too big for his britches, Mary has a plan in place that will shred his self-worth and confidence.
    “Oh, woe is me. The cake seems to have slipped from my grasp. So sorry John, but life is not about baking cakes . . . . .ad nauseum.

  133. Charterstoned
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    MT – If no one who recognizes a thrown gauntlet when it hits him square in the chops is in the room when Rod Bassy throws it, does it make a sound?

  134. NonnyMus
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    All you need to know about that Six Chix strip is that Margaret Shulock also writes Apt 3-G, where the characters also turn their backs on people with whom they are conversing!

  135. bats :[
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#110): well, heck, if I knew you were buyin’, bourbon babe, I would’ve chipped in for a really Big Production!

  136. Lynn \"Foob\" Johnston
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @NonnyMus (#134): Actually, the lady in pink was having a serious discussion with one of her friends about the uncertainty of the current market. Then, some park-wandering freak came up from behind and explained that her sock was the magical means to future wealth. Pink-dressed-lady was like “Huh?” right before she was like “Get away from us, psycho!”

    That’s the only way this strip makes sense.

  137. hogenmogen
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#124): How about 1-800-BANANAS?

  138. Mikey
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Charlene (#103): That’s his “Mighty Battle Camera”. It is used only for defensive protection. There’s no film in it.

  139. SF_Reader
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy – Bravo!!!

  140. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#135): Best. Birthday. Comic. Ever.

  141. Spotts1701
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#105): That’s Seamstress’ Guild (hem, hem) to you, buster.

    FW: Oh, come on now! That’s Crankshaft-level dumb. Foul! Foul! Where’s the flag, ref?

    DT: Now that’s understated and normal. Batiuk, are you taking notes on this? Please?

  142. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#135): *furious applaz*

    bats :[, that is wonderful beyond words.

  143. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G QUESTION:

    So, was there a specific incident I missed that would make Evan hate Margo enough plant a stink bomb/canister of sarin gas in her bedroom closet? And did Aunt Cathy specifically authorize this operation, does it fall under his general orders to ruin Margo’s business, or has he gone rogue/become a full-blown sociopath?

    @Marc (#115):

    In a few months there is going to be an onslaught of Charterstone residents being diagnosed with diabetes.

    Wilbur + Quintuple Amputation = COMEDY GOLD!

  144. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#143):

    It is all misdirection and will turn out to be a bottle of champagne popping open or some other innocuous event.

    We had over a week of Evan carrying the comically oversized present around New York and the blue people, commenting to himself how excited and thrilled Margo would be, and how he couldn’t wait to give it to her. Then, he entered her apartment through the unlocked door, and lamented that he couldn’t see the surprise on her face when she opened it. Foreshadowing for her surprise when the firefighters finally tell her that it is nothing but a Red Herring.

  145. Hibbleton
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#57):

    Perhaps it’s Squawky, Supergirl’s pet (scroll down).

  146. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug: Feets, Don’t Fail Me Then (#131):

    But Smilin’ Ed McConnell was still a heckuva of a lot more pleasant to listen to than his gravelly-voiced replacement, Andy “Jingles” Devine. After a few minutes of listening to Devine or Jack Benny’s Eddie “Rochester” Anderson,
    I was ready to bang my head on the wall.

  147. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144): Ah, good old Red Herring Sparkling Wine, the only wine made from fermented fish. No wonder it has an “acrid odor.”

  148. wossname
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#143): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144): But wait, but wait! Before Evan lugged the box around for weeks, we had several days of him raging through the streets of Manhattan, raving about how he hated Margo and hated Aunt Cathy and hated everybody and wanted revenge. And as I remember his comments to the blue people while he was carrying the box, they were more along the lines of “Won’t Margo be surprised! BWAhahaha!” than “She’ll be thrilled.”

  149. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#2):

    Frazz: so, crutches prevent math?

    I think the point is that the appointment to get the cast off causes absence. There can’t be any broken bones, because even kids don’t heal that fast. (Or at least not human kids.)

  150. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#143): We had that one day portraying Evan as a hate-filled bundle of resentment, but nothing justifying…whatever the hell this is.

  151. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#97): I think your expectations of which headlines Elrod will rip headlines from may be a little high. Think stories publiched back when the Chicago Daily News was still in print.

  152. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#145):

    Bah, Squawky is just a cheap imitation of Henry Boltinoff’s Super-Turtle:

    http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/314/super_turtle.gif

  153. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#148):

    Before Evan lugged the box around for weeks, we had several days of him raging through the streets of Manhattan, raving about how he hated Margo and hated Aunt Cathy and hated everybody and wanted revenge.

    Holy shit! He’s clearly the next Newspaper Spider-Man villain — the Mad Blander — and to think he was in costume this whole time!

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#150): I thought so! So it really was just a long, slow, stress-induced slide into psychotic sociopathy. As origin stories go, I’ve seen worse.

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#141):

    DT: Now that’s understated and normal. Batiuk, are you taking notes on this? Please?

    Yes, not only is Batiuk’s treatment of same-sex romantic relationships stiff and awkward, but we’ve come to the point where he could learn lessons about it from Dick Fucking Tracy. Are we sure 2012 wasn’t actually the last year before the Apocalypse?

  155. Majicou
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#124):

    On the other hand, Garfield never inspired a soft-porn classic like Fritz the Cat, and if he did, I don’t want to know about it.

    Oh, dear. You seem to have forgotten about Rule 34.

  156. The Sleepy Roommate
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    MW – Oh right Mary, cake judges are only interested in how you get your cake to the display table. They are only there to see a cake fall on the floor, right? You know, how people go to a racetrack just to see someone crash? Let’s definitely work on that more.

    SM – Oh Spidey you’re so noble in letting the police have all the credit. *rolls eyes*
    I agree with some of the other comments, that probably the “recovered” Tiara is the fake one.

  157. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#150):

    Pardon me for attempting to apply logic to Apartment 3G, but the whole process by which the package ended up in the closet was essentially random and not part of some Master Plan for Evil to try and plant it there. And if you want your package to go unnoticed until it bursts, wrapping it up with a giant pink ribbon is also not a good idea. That is, unless the package contains the answers to the final exam in Reverse Psychology 101.

  158. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#149): would I be pilloried for suggesting that “math is brutal?”

  159. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

  160. wossname
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#157): Pardon me for continuing to try to apply logic to A3G… but as much as we all enjoy the idea that the box has been mouldering in the closet for weeks, this is actually the same day, right?

    Evan planted the box, heard Margo and Greg talking (which led some of us to the delightful but inaccurate idea that he was in the closet the whole time); Margo and Greg went out in the snow, came back, went to Greg’s apartment, Ari turned up with the bottle of Scotch, Margo got drunk, and Greg dumped her into her bed. So she’s really had no reason to look in the closet since Evan put the box there. Right?

  161. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#157): Some other ‘Mudgeon once suggested that Aunt Cathy is a figment of Evan’s imagination à la Norman Bates and “Mother.”

    If that’s the case, we don’t have to worry about sense, logic or consistency when it comes to Evan’s actions or motivations (not that any of us ever really “worry” about anything when it comes to A3G). There could be overheated champagne in the box. There could be a time-delay stink bomb. There could both, plus raygun-wielding tarantulas riding atop bionic king cobras that shoot venomous cockroaches from their mouths! ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN! (But nothing will.)

  162. Liam
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    DT-”And by partner I mean lover and I mean hot ass thumping love.”

  163. seismic-2
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Sleepy Roommate (#156): Yes, the whole reason that the Santa Royale Cake Design contest is televised at all is for the excitement that they generate by oiling the floor, just the way that bowling shows generate excitement by oiling the lanes in such a way that the ball slides directly into the “pocket”. After the cake presentation floor is buffed and oiled repeatedly, the final step before the contest starts is spraying the soles of the contestants’ shoes with WD-40.

  164. Liam
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Come out with me on my boat and I shall show you. I promise that I won’t try to dunk you in the water.”

  165. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83):

    Drat! You have yet another birthday, and I’m still older than you. Oh well, Happy Birthday, Sequitur! Have an extra piece of chocolate cake for me, and don’t feel too bad about your advanced age. Remember, 62 is the new 61.

    P.S. Congratulations to the team of @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#110) and @bats :[ (#135) for baking you such a funny virtual birthday cake. Mary and John wouldn’t stand a chance against you two.

  166. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    “(which led some of us to the delightful but inaccurate idea that he was in the closet the whole time)”

    He was never shown leaving. Since he was wearing a bright yellow (or goldenrod) slicker, it is kind of tough to blend in (unless he’s in LuAnn’s Sunshine-atorium).

    Seriously though, I posited the theory that this is a Twilight Zone story and the present in the box was actually sent by “Aunt”Cathy and that Evan IS carrying a present but that he was transformed into a little Ken Doll like figure and the real present is “Margo’s Ex-Boyfriend Bedroom Playhouse” and is filled with other ex-boyfriend boytoys.

    This pink explosion does nothing to disprove my theory. As far as we know those little sentient doll’s were making cotton candy meth and things went haywire.

    Simple explanation.

  167. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Nancy — If you wear a white tie and tails while dancing to “The Tennessee Waltz,” does that make your outfit a “Tennessee Tuxedo”?

  168. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#160):

    the prev. was actually a reply to this comment, as the quote probably shows.

    :sheepish grin:

  169. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#167):

    indubitably, chumly.

    //that “sounds” right. I don’t know if it even close to what (Duuuuh) Tennessee said.

  170. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    MT: Would everyone calm down about things if he just changed his name to Dynamite Bassy? He should really consider it.

  171. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#166): Simple explanation

    Maybe the box contains an Occam’s Razor?

  172. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#166): But if it’s an Outer Limits story, Evan is a robot who disassembled himself, put the the parts into the box, and therefore, is still is in the closet. His processors, which already had a short (hence the violent mood swings), have finally overloaded, thus the explosion and “acrid odor.”

  173. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I’d be more inclined toward red herring if the strip hadn’t done that out of left field Evan, Rage-aholic bit and if we didn’t have James Bond about to rescue Margo.

  174. Hibbleton
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#152):

    Dude, that parrot is bad ass. And as far as terrapins go, I prefer the fierce, if not foppish, Touché Turtle.

  175. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#166):

    Perhaps Shulock was inspired by Phil Harris’ rendition of “The Thing” (one of my favorite novelty songs):

    While I was walking down the beach one bright and sunny day
    I saw a great big wooden box a-floatin’ in the bay
    I pulled it in and opened it up and much to my surprise
    Ooh, I discovered a boom-boom-boom, right before my eyes
    Oh, I discovered a boom-boom-boom, right before my eyes

  176. Government Cheese
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#141): A ha! I stand corrected.

  177. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

  178. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    January 22nd, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    I get the feeling that 2013 is going to be the year that George Takei wins the “Betty White” award for “it was a fun cameo the first thirty times someone thought of it.”

  179. Ratiocinator
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#67): I’ll be happy to play! So let’s see…

    “Meanwhile, in [location], [classic Spider-villain] [present-tense verb] his/her [noun].”

    I believe I shall go with:

    “Meanwhile, in Ibiza, the Scorpion busily writes a loving tribute to J. Jonah Jameson.”

  180. pastordan, lazy professor
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#155): Oh, no. I know ALL ABOUT Rule 34, which is why I say “I don’t want to know about it.”

  181. Red Greenback
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83): Happy Birthday, Sequitur! Does your cake have a “Beauty of Nature” theme?

  182. Chip Whittle
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Krazy Kat has Krazy splitting the difference between ice and roller skates, by the way.

    Vintage Pre-Loss Of Hope Hi and Lois reveals Hi’s boss is named “Rufus P. Foofram”. To now know Hi’s boss’s full name makes me conclude that the business of reading comic strips is over, and I can set my virtual newspaper down, and walk away, never to return. Nice knowing everyone, but, “Rufus P. Foofram.” Sorry.

  183. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#179):

    “Meanwhile, in Ibiza, the Scorpion busily writes a loving tribute to J. Jonah Jameson.”

    YES! I can totally see Jameson running the letter on the front page of the Bugle, which causes Peter’s Spider-sense to tingle, which in turn causes Peter to agonize over how to convince Jameson that Scorpion is up to no good without revealing that he is Spider-Man. Meanwhile, MJ’s touring production of Rodgers, Weber & Hammerstein’s “South Purrrrrcific” is travelling to Ibiza…

  184. Shrug, in the Market for a New Veeblefetzer
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#182):

    I thought everybody knew that….

    And, as THE BEST OF HI AND LOIS has it:

    He runs Foofram Industries, which manufactures fooframs of all kinds.

    // You’re welcome.

  185. Government Cheese
    January 22nd, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#83): Happy Birthday Sequitur! I hope you enjoy Dill and Mary’s cake. HAVE SOME.

  186. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#100): Peanuts essentially did that same joke as Archie, only better…That’s true of many gags on the comics page.

  187. stu
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Telling Tales Out of School (#72):

    “Ha, ha,” Mark said. “You mean your wife drinks like a fish? Ha, ha.”

    “No,” Bassy said, slamming his fist on the table. “I’M THE ONE WHO DRINKS LIKE A FISH. She actually IS a fish. She’s right over here. See the orange one on the left? Hey, stop nipping at my wife’s ass, tetra, or you’ll be dinner tomorrow night.”

    “Ha, ha,” Mark said. “So you eat fish?”

  188. stu
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

  189. gleeb
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    3-J: First it was too quiet in New York for Greg, now it’s too noisy. There’s no pleasing some people.

    ‘bean: Why, Fred didn’t even know he was in a union! Anyway, a completely unexpected strike. From then on, the teachers’ union insisted on contracts that ran for specific periods, instead of ending whenever Billy Martin was hired or fired as the Yankees’ manager. Ugh, I just had a horrible thought: are we now going to have a weeks-long tour of locations important to Cancerdeathville’s imaginary labor history?

    Dick: Brad found his glasses. Good for him! Still nothing about the Moon. And they sure are taking their time with the mysterious mudlarkers’ box.

    Nancy: I guess this means old Whatsisname will not be a permanent fixture.

  190. stu
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#182): Good enough to be in a Marx Brothers movie!

  191. Sgt. Stoned
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    MT: It appears that Rod’s nose has been broken some time in the past. Must’ve had a run in with Mark or, to be more precise, Mark’s fist before.

    Snuffy Smif: Exactly how does a lop-sided billiard table help Snuffy?

    BB: Shoulda had Ms. Buxley straddling the cannon barrel. Hubba-hubba!

  192. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#191):
    Snuffy Smif: Exactly how does a lop-sided billiard table help Snuffy?

    I’ve heard…the angle of the dangle of the table allows for Snuffy to get a mouth full o’ balls!

    But, that’s just what I’ve heard.

    //rack ‘em up, mistopher!

  193. Rubrick
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Mark my words, Mr. Bassy sports an invisible beard.

  194. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rubrick (#193):

    So are you saying that despite the way it looks the burley fisherman has been type-cast?

  195. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#194): Maybe, but once Mark opens that can of worms, Rod Bassy’s surely gona be on the hook for it.

  196. Red Greenback
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail, I’ve heard about you… so I shaved!

  197. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#195):

    Finally, the result will be that he is thrown in the cooler.

  198. Comrade Denny
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#197): Not before he dangles Rusty to reel Mark in.

  199. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Comrade Denny (#198):

    er….this sounds like an en-trawling possibility…???

    //i got nuttin

  200. Peanut Gallery
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    Six Chix – Interesting to see that the tweens who send in their sketches to Slylock Fox are working in a two-panel format now.

  201. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#200):
    Interesting to see that

    Well, as a generation goes, they are extremely media savv….hey!

    I see what you did there!

  202. Peanut Gallery
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    we’re about to see a side of Mark we don’t usually see: Mark Trail, hard-hitting journalist!

    We don’t usually see Mark Trail acting as any kind of journalist!

  203. AndyL
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    “I keep all my money in my sock, which I wave around while walking, here, in Central Park. It’s perfectly safe. “

  204. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#182): Vintage Pre-Loss Of Hope Hi and Lois reveals Hi’s boss is named “Rufus P. Foofram”. To now know Hi’s boss’s full name makes me conclude that the business of reading comic strips is over, and I can set my virtual newspaper down, and walk away, never to return. Nice knowing everyone, but, “Rufus P. Foofram.” Sorry.

    But wait, Chip, there’s more:

    The Biblical meaning of Rufus is “red.” Which is only fitting since Hi’s boss
    Rufus P. Foofram is a direct descendent of the notorious Scarlet Pimpernel. Not surprisingly, the “P” in his name stands for “Pimpernel.”

    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
    Is he in heaven?—Is he in hell?
    That demmed, elusive Foofram.

  205. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Six Chix (the gangster rap cover of the strip):

    Conversationalist #1:
    “I worry about my investments, yo.”

    Conversationalist #2:
    “Not me. I got my mind on money…

    “…and my money in my sock!”

  206. ArchieNemesis
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Needs less antics, and more girls in jeans.

  207. Liam
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    MT-”I say a Hail Mary as I’m casting.”

    MW-You better be nervous. Carrying the cake is worth the most points. It is more important than design, taste, and texture of the cake.

  208. Peanut Gallery
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#118): But you have to admit, that’s a lousy nickname.

  209. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#204):

    I don’t know. The Scarlet Pimpernel would be an interesting twist however if you break apart the rest of his name, it may reveal a bit more about this bourgeois boss.

    ‘Fram’ apparently means ‘forward’ and ‘Foo’ as in ‘foo fighter’ which apparently has the origin in a comic strip, “Smokey Stover”*. It was a made up word used instead of “firefighter”. So, we have to deduce that ‘foo’ substituted ‘fire’.

    So, his name would translate to Red P. Fire Forward.

    There’s your answer, folks! He’s a commie!**

    *i ain’t making that part up
    **or commonly mistaken for one by me. After all he buys giant computers shaped like human heads! We’ve seen the proof before.

  210. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#9): Also, stop smirking like you just said something clever, because A) it wasn’t clever or funny and B) when your boyfriend’s father might be at death’s door, you kind of want to hold off on the smiles.

    She’s actually his wife (for about a decade, even, if I remember right), which means she has probably heard this story before, making this even more stupid. (It’s not your fault that Batiuk has decided to depict these people as if they’re passing acquaintances rather than family members.)

    @Mibbitmaker (#21): Glibporn: Insufferable, yes… but much more incomprehensible today than anything.

    What’s sad is that I may sort of understand what’s going on. The black-haired woman is a succubus, so her power generally manifests in the form of her fucking someone. She usually has long hair and red accents in succubus form. She has a daughter with short hair and pink spots, so perhaps this is a hark-back to that. Beyond that, though, I’m stumped. But it’s all clear in McE’s mind, so what does he care if we’re confused? We’re just beefwits, after all.

    @bats :[ (#78): can’t. stop. laughing.

    @Not Worth It (#112): You know, I wonder if one could do that magic-eye thing with those two images? …Oh, god, you can. Crankshaft in 3D. Ow.

    @Peanut Gallery (#202): We don’t usually see Mark Trail acting as any kind of journalist!

    And he’s sorta-kinda taken Rusty fishing (maybe), and the bad guy lacks any facial hair! What kind of through-the-mirror version of Mark Trail is this? Next thing we know, he’ll be kissing Kelly Welly! Or even Cherry! And eating something other than pancakes!

  211. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    Thought on Six Chix: if all your savings can fit in a single sock (and one that’s not even full, to judge by the look of it), somehow I doubt you’d even have the where-withal to invest in the stock market in the first place.

  212. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    I thank all those who have wished me a happy birthday (after I shamelessly announced that today is my birthday) along with all your witty comments.

    I thank bourbon babe for queeking me that cake and bats :[ for the hilarious mashup with it. My dream come true! To be part of a bats :[ creation!… no, wait…

    By the way, you may help yourself to a piece of the cake so long as you don’t mind that Dawn had her thumbs in it and Mary breathed on it. Save the “damned kids” for me. It’s not often one gets to eat their own words.

    And Alfred E., I’m trying to catch up with you but you’re faster than I thought.

    So, thanks again, everyone and keep on snarkin’!

    By the way…

    Get off my lawn.

    Seq

  213. Droopy Says
    January 22nd, 2013 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#189): Don’t mention Cancerville’s labor history, okay? Batiuk will take that as a cue to have his maternal-unit characters discuss their birthing miseries. Which Batiuk will make sound like a cross between fission and metastasis.

  214. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Hey, look what I found under my birthday tree! A Ripley’s!

    AN IPOD full of music weighs slightly MORE then and EMPTY one!

    That’s why princesses like Luann (or even Lu Ann) whine about how heavy their iPod is after it’s been loaded with music.

  215. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone warned Baka Gaijin about Piranha Club these past couple of days?

    No? Okay, I won’t bother either.

  216. seismic-2
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Just what is that thing on Dilton’s head? Reggie and Betty is wearing knit caps to go skating, but Dilton appears to be wearing a hard helmet of some sort – except that the top is cut out so that Dilton’s hair can stick through. Is this open-crown headgear suppose to offer warmth, collision protection, or just what? It looks as though he is trying out for a role in Flash Gordon as a radio-controlled robot, or something. Well, it would be an upgrade from a role in Archie, I suppose.

  217. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    FW Well, you can hardly blame blonde daughter-in-law for imagining that they were struck by lightning. With the staggering rate of death and disability in Westview, you can’t expect that cancer could kill them all.

    FC Sweet. Dolly and her familiar.

  218. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#212):

    By the way, you may help yourself to a piece of the cake

    Hey, I dropped my piece of cake when I was carrying it. May I have another?
    //I was nervous.
    ////Happyhappyhappy!!!

  219. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#211):

    Actually, I think that is intentionally a big part of the joke. It isn’t just a pun or the fact that she is brandishing it in public. It really is that what she has can fit in that sock.

    @Sequitur (#214):

    I’m not one of them Well-Wishers (they’s a bit too wishy washy for my tastes).

    However, I will throw a congratulations your way. I don’t think I can stray further than that before I have to express that you should have many more wonderful birthdays, days in between and that you should have great health. If I go that far then it is well-wishing territory.

  220. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#39): If only Mary Worth had dialogue like this, I’d read it everyday!
    //Oh, wait… Well, I’d sure as hell enjoy it more!

  221. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#218): Sure. There’s a piece with a couple of Dawn prints in it. It’s all yours.

  222. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#219): I’d thank you but I don’t want to seem like one of those wishy washy taste enhancers. So I’ll accept your well wishes with great gramercy.

  223. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Why isn’t the lamp blue like the rest of the room to indicate that it’s dark? And if the lamp is on, why is everything blue to indicate that it’s dark?

    I’m confused.

  224. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: That’s not a camera around Mark’s neck, that’s his bladder.

    I learned that from Professor Irwin Corey. Only it wasn’t a camera, it was a hot water bottle. Right Rocky?

  225. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Heading for the Poteet record of consecutive posts.

  226. commodorejohn
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#225): How’s it coming?

  227. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#226): Rats. I only had like nine or eleven to go.

  228. Francis
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    HOW CAN YOU KEEP IGNORING WHAT’S GOING ON WITH MARY WORTH AND THE DEN OF CAKE

  229. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#200): Reply All wasn’t hiring.

  230. doug rogers
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    I think we’re about to learn that Rod Bassy’s secret is dynamite.

  231. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @doug rogers (#230): That and a good fish market down the road.

  232. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    MT – Silly old Josh! Websites haven’t even been conceived of in the Trailiverse!

  233. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Glancingly (#66):

    I get the Stribe, and I never even noticed that!

  234. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#214): Hey, look what I found under my birthday tree! A Ripley’s!

    Was it The Talented Mr. Ripley or one of the other Tom Ripley novels by Patricia Highsmith?

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Nt78gzYTpzg/Tfho4txOKGI/AAAAAAAACvs/meAW9kCiM-8/s1600/Highsmith_Talented_Pan.jpg

    True fact: Highsmith got her start writing comic book scripts in the 1940s.

  235. tallyHO
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#222):
    I would write stating, “You’re welcome” or “No Problem, enjoy the rest of your day, hopefully by you and others making the most of it for your enjoyment” but that would require replying and my fingertips are tired.

    sigh.

    Not well-wishing is brutal.

  236. Harold
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Oh, please let Crankshaft order enough ammonia and diesel fuel (for his diesel-powered garden accessories) to attract the attention of Homeland Security!

  237. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#234): Dang, that is really talented to be able to have one’s head float in the air while out in the sea! That would scare the scales off a fish.

  238. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#237):

    Did you notice that the floating head in the background is blue? Which makes me think Apartment 3-G’s Frank Bolle is the uncredited artist.

  239. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#235): Finger fatigue. Not just for old people anymore.

  240. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#135):

    “Dave used to mow my lawn”.

    Yeah, Yawn needs to be plowed alright, big time!

  241. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    You’re a Plugger if you enjoy serving a plate of hot steaming turds to your grandchildren.

  242. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    You’re a Plugger’s grandchild if you enjoy eating a plate of hot steaming turds.

  243. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

  244. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#243):

    And the otter’s saying, “You should have seen it. It was thiiiis big!”

  245. Poteet
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    I’m back! And I don’t know which is more painful, having missed eleven days of funny or having missed the first-in-many-months float ride of my runner-up comment. Oh well — belated hoorays for all the float riders of the past two weeks, and oh yay, it looks as if Mark Trail may be about to uncover some fishing tournament cheating, another example of how he tackles the most burning conservation issues of today.

  246. Poteet
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#243): Thank you for all the kawaii you found for me during my absence — I went back and looked at it all. That little blue dragon slug was especially wonderful.

  247. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#235):

    Damn well wishers. One minute they are telling you their wishes, and the next they don’t know you from a hole in the ground. And they are so arrogant about it, always so holier than thou.

  248. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 22nd, 2013 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#202): He can be hard hitting, though; it’s just that instead of hitting the stories hard, he hits the beardy faces.

  249. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#246): gotta love Ctrl + F to find stuff for you. :-D

    I did love that little blue seawhatsit. gorgeous critter. today’s mini-hypnotoad was another amusing one.

  250. Sequitur
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    What’s with all the pancakes?

    Is Mark Trail trying to franchise?

  251. erdmann
    January 22nd, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    This just in: There has been a reported sighting of Barney Google, he of the goo-goo-googly eyes, but not in his own strip, of course. From Newsarama.com:

    Popeye #12
    Horse-racing, history-making hi-jinks this issue as Popeye meets comics’ most famous oat-muncher, the mighty Spark Plug—and his owner, Barney Google—for the first time ever! Story and art by Harvey and Eisner winner Roger Langridge.

    Now all they need is for Mutt and Jeff to drop by to place a bet…

  252. Nate
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Wait, is this Mary Worth plot actually going to be about the importance of fitness for seniors? Because that would be awesome on many levels.

  253. tallyHO
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth:

    It is perplexing why Mary is worrying so much about moving the cake.

    Given the way the Cakebot 3000 is shaping up, it looks like it could walk from the work table to the display table on Pink Frosting Power.

  254. tallyHO
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#247):

    And that’s the truth!

  255. tallyHO
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail:

    OK. Given the name of his lure, good ol’ Rob Bassy is gonna get bit in the assy someday.

    Talk about your self-fufilling prophecies.

  256. tallyHO
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Finally, can anyone tell me when The Hulk and Poppa Smurf had a child?

    I just saw an ad with a grey-bearded hulk. He was bald on top, even!

    //damn you, Spider Diddley Man and your ad-slinging abilities!

  257. Poteet
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    MW — There’s an Ugliest Cake Contest at the Iowa State Fair every summer, so if Mary and John don’t make the grade in Santa Royale, they could always try elsewhere. (But you’d have to lose the moustache, John — it’s a kid’s contest.)

    http://mykindofcooking.blogspot.com/2011/08/cakes-good-bad-ugly.html

  258. Poteet
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#242): See the link in #257.

  259. Poteet
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    A3G — Have we completely ruled out the severed hotly-decaying head of Aunt Cathy? Just checking.

  260. Aviatrix
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    I wish to thank the following ‘mudgeons for the specified reasons:

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#19): Because sincerely and without snark, that is all I needed to know about today’s Pibgorn.

    @Horace Broon (#37): Because that succinctly summarizes why this storyline is driving me into catatonia.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#39): Because you made me laugh so hard that I can skip my abdominal workout tonight.

    @Comrade Denny (#172): Because when the comic itself reveals what happened in a way that will not gybe with acrid odour I can fall back on your explanation and be happy.

  261. Aviatrix
    January 23rd, 2013 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Nate (#252): And really awesomely illustrated by showing everyone in sight eating a lot of cake.

  262. Victory Garden
    January 23rd, 2013 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#19): … what the actual fuck

  263. Droopy Says
    January 23rd, 2013 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Clever Jameson! He’s going to force Spiderdick to keep the cop from arresting him, because this strip can’t function without the false tension created by this butt-ugly, lame-ass whoopie cushion of a character. Plus, only a raving lunatic would provide Peter Parker with a steady paycheck, wich limits Parker’s employment opportunities to the Bungle and couch-tester. So Spiderdick will stop the cop, and that will get him busted, which makes no sense. I say I just called it.

    Funky: Batiuk, quit playing with words. The pros want to use them now.

    FC: Jeffy, Mommy is an expert at recognizing junk. Ask your mirror for an explanation.

    Pluggers: It’s funny because Pluggers usually order three scoops of the most fattening flavor.

    Mock Travail: Just think, the bird beat Trail to the facts with a question it pulled out of its ass. Look out, Slylock Fox, you have a fierce competitor in Nero Wren!

    Phantom: Somebody remind me, why do the miners want to scare off the miners?

  264. annieLurk
    January 23rd, 2013 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#257): OMG! The kitty litter cake was awesome. I may print that one and magnetize it to my fridge to remind me that food can be really bad.

  265. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    MT: Bassy says he has no secrets, he’s ready to spill his guts about how he routinely cheats, but tough, investigative journalist Mark Trail asks a softball question that could have been answered by a cursory internet search. Way to do your homework about your interviewee, Trail! Make sure you get in that plug for the Bassy Killer, too.

  266. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    SM: JJJ is being a pedantic, pushy prick (is that PPP?). His superpower is making Spidey appear as a sympathetic character. That’s no small feat, let me tell you.

    One of my favorite things of the strip, though the pickings be slim, is the loving attention to JJJ’s strained expression. I can feel the intensity, the invisible sweat, the veins bulging and blood pressure raging, the frustration of chronic constipation, as if he hasn’t eaten a meal with fiber since the Reagan era. Or am I projecting, here?

  267. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth is sweating about the thought of carrying a cake that weighs, what – ten pounds? Fifteen? Carried by TWO grown humans (sorta). How far? Twenty feet or so? Seriously? Is this the stuff of nightmares? This fuels the feeling of inadequacy that turns out to be Mary’s Achillies heel?

  268. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    JP: We interrupt this fledgling story involving the mysterious dissapearance of tens of thousands of dollars from an overseas bank account and the possibility that a naiive college student is being irresponsible and/or a victim of a scam – in order to bring you this rehash of a clunky conversation that transpired about two to three weeks ago and wasn’t that interesting when it was unfolding in the first place. Thank you, go on with your lives while we try desperately to figure out what we’re going to do with two open story lines when we are lousy at working one with any credibility or excitement.

  269. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#263): “Phantom: Somebody remind me, why do the miners want to scare off the miners?”

    The miners want to scare off the tribe so they can do more mining. I’m rather disappointed. I’m nominally left wing, but just once, I’d like to see a corporation portrayed as something other than malicious, evil, duplicitous or avaristic.

  270. Liam
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-I’ll write a scathing editorial about you in my paper which is located in New York City and not here in Las Vegas where you shall never be able to read it.

    FC-When the return address is Nigeria you know that it is junk mail.

    Gasoline Alley-The only problem is that the money is tied up at the moment and you need to send some money to get that money untied.

    MW-Nothing says nature more like a multitiered all pink cake.

  271. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    FW: “We didn’t fall in love, we fell into place. There was never love or joy in our relationship. We merely accepted our fates as cogs in the machinery of society. Society demanded that we cohabitate and raise mirthless offspring. We did our duty as rank and file in the army, not of the light, nor of the dark, but of the bleak, bland grey sky.”

  272. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Beer, bathing suits, soaking wet strippers, jealous rage and guns… It’s as if Rat was writing his version of what a Charterstone pool party should be.

  273. gleeb
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Ham Shears: This is still cute, but it runs the risk of becoming formulaic. Ham Shears has a problem; problem is too big; Ham Shears panics adorably.

    3-J: So much for the no-smoking clause in your lease! Just go save Margo already.

    ‘shaft: Yay! This means the “garden supplies” stuff for this year won’t last another week.

    ‘bean: “You see, like most people in this town, our lives are a mixture of fear and resignation. Marrying Fred seemed inevitable, and I feared the alternative. I didn’t want to make the same mistake Lefty the Bandleader did.”

    Abbey Spencer, Oenophile!: Shut up, Sam. She only asked to help fill the time between opening the bottle and pouring the wine.

    Phantom: Please let the miners be working for the Singh Brotherhood!

    Alley Oop: That’s it. Make the command word something likely to be repeated by other people and not, say, the Finnish word for “dry cleaning receipt”.

    A&J: Biting political commentary!

    Baldo: Don’t you see, Carmen? It’s bad enough having to see you at home all the time. School used to be a respite for his burning desire. He wants to taste the forbidden kumquat!

    Between Fiends: There, behind the counter in the first and third panels. It looks like a figure holding up a sign, far off. Why won’t you let the protestors out of the Orwellian “free speech zone”, Bell-Lundy?

    Dick: That’s it, Tracy. Linger over a steak dinner. Don’t you realize Sweatstain is getting away?

    Thorp: What have you done to deserve an audience with The Peacock, Mia? What has been your sacrifice?

    Mark: Isn’t it an awful risk using that?

    Mary: She’ll have to…after she kills John Dill and enters the cake as her own work!

    Nancy: Remember, folks, child labor is OK if they cry.

  274. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 23rd, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#268):

    I’m confused. Isn’t this the continuation of the same “where is Neddy’s money going?” plot line? What is the rehash you are referring to?

  275. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#274): Sorry, I think I read my strips a day behind.

  276. hogenmogen
    January 23rd, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#274): In that case, we interrupt this grinding story about a wedding so boring that even the bride and groom barely want to be there, intermingled with the fact that the strip’s titular character pledges to be busy typing a wonky script – to bring you an almost interesting story completely lacking in detail that involves… LOOK AT THE BREASTS ON THAT WOMAN!

    Abbey: Oh, by the way, while you were out fishing, I got new implants and a 30% off coupon to Victoria’s Secret.

  277. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 23rd, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#269): You might try reading Tarzan at GoComics, then. They’ve been having a story line about the benefits oil exploration brings to benighted Africa this last month or so.

    //Unfortunately, minerals extraction is an inherently nasty process. Even if you do the right thing socially, the environmental costs can’t be wished away, and it’s the local people who have to live with them in perpetuity, however well-meaning the corporation is. So if one’s going to have an Evil Corporation plotline, they’re the best candidates for the job.

    However, invisible fencing lionesses in some sort of weird scam is indeed beyond the usual mode of things!

Comments are closed for this post.