Main content:

Sweet unfettered freedom!

Family Circus, 1/28/13

Ma and Pa Keane — and, for that matter, Billy — are suspiciously absent in this filthy, ill-mannered breakfast scene, in which Jeffy is balancing his toast on his knee, Dolly is emitting some kind of fluid from her left arm, and PJ is just stone cold rubbing his ass on the table. Where are the elders? Have they and their tyranny finally been overthrown bloodily by the younger half of the Keane Kompound’s population? Is the “morning” on which this breakfast is being eaten actually a metaphorical new dawn of freedom, and it’s really 5:30 p.m., because now nobody can stop Dolly, Jeffy, and PJ from eating whatever they want whenever they want?

Herb and Jamaal, 1/28/13

Oh, Herb and Jamaal, you’ve had more than eight years to think about what you’ve done wrong, and still haven’t figured it out.

Pluggers, 1/28/13

You know, I live only a few blocks form one of the U.S.’s most competitive universities and see smart, upscale young students going to the store or to restaurants in their pajamas pretty much daily, so this isn’t just a plugger thing. It is true that pluggers are incapable of figuring out how to set up Netflix, though.

410 responses to “Sweet unfettered freedom!”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    S-M — Yay, Wilson Fisk (a/k/a The Kingpin) is returning to face comic strip Spider-Man! I guess he got tired of going up against REAL heroes — like Daredevil and the Punisher (or comic book Spider-Man).

  2. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m beginning to suspect that Mark writes for Highlights, not Woods ‘n Wildlife.

    Rod Bassy: A Good Fisherman
    By Mark Trail, A Famous Nature Writer

    Rod Bassy is a very good fisherman. He catches many fish, and he wins many fishing contests.

    I asked Rod Bassy how he catches so many fish. Rod Bassy showed me a special lure that he uses to catch the fish. The special lure is even named the Rod Bassy Killer, after Rod Bassy!

    Rod Bassey also told me that he never, ever does anything wrong when he is catching all the fish.

    Here is a picture I took of Rod Bassy after he caught a big fish. (Kids: Remember that it is never smart to smoke, even if you’re a very good fisherman like Rod Bassy.)

  3. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    ASM: If Vegas was represented by streets filled with showgirls, will San Francisco’s sidewalks be filled with burly men in assless chaps?

    A3G: Phew—good thing Margo doesn’t need oxygen to survive!

    MW: If John and Mary had made sure their coordinating outfits were in pink, they’d probably have this in the bag.

  4. Col. Havoc
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Nature’s Beauty=Pink.

  5. Rimpy
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Can anyone explain the reference to a “tranny” in The Family Circus post?

  6. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Is this the THIRD time that Herb & Jamaal has rerun that particular strip? Jesus.

    9CL: If having one of your protagonists pretend to be a dinosaur sometimes was all it took to make your comic strip as good as Calvin & Hobbes, this strip would be as good as Calvin & Hobbes.

    Unfortunately for McEldowney it also takes talent, which Watterson had and which Brooke lacks.

    FW: Haha, it’s funny because Darin’s father suffered a stroke and can’t even articulate complete sentences, something he has always taken for granted! Smirk along with Darin everybody! SMIRK YOUR GODDAMN FACES OFF!!!

    JP: If all Randy wanted was to quietly get married then MAYBE HE SHOULDN’T HAVE BLABBED HIS WEDDING PLANS TO EVERYBODY!!!

    *ahem* Sorry, sorry, I’ll try to clam down.

    RMMD: The shock of learning about the second gun appears to have spontaneously aged June thirty years.

    Slylock: Am I the only one worried about that dog who is sticking an unchewed ear of corn straight down his throat with a crazed glance behind him at Max? He looks like a ticking time bomb to me, provided he doesn’t choke himself to death of course.

  7. tb4000
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: It seems appropo that Pluggers are just now getting the gist of Netflix. They may very well turn down the concept of Hulu because it sounds too ethnic.

    9CL: I won’t lie, the second panel did make me laugh. A little.

  8. Chareth Cutestory
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal: Those @#$% &*#$-ing censors down at the Herb and Jamaal standards and practices office don’t want you to know that this joke actually goes, “A friend will help you move, a real friend will help you move a dead body.”

  9. Doctor Handsome
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    “I don’t need to take any shit from you, woman. I went to STATE.”

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): It’s also nice of Jerry Seinfeld’s Uncle Leo to give Peter a lift.

  11. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Hey, Josh – you missed the N word in Luann? Falling down on our job, are we?

    On second thoughts – it’s *Luann*. Carry On Ignoring.

    Hey, Brooke – Calvin and Hobbes did that joke earlier and better. Find your own.

  12. Rimpy
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Now I’m frightfully embarrassed; I see now that it says “tyranny”. Let’s never mention this again, shall we?

  13. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Yeah, great, just what we needed. More dudes with penis-like heads in the funny papers.

  14. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    @Rimpy (#5): Well, my guess is that either you misread “tyranny”, or the Keane parents were engaged in a polyamorous relationship with a transgendered character, one whom has always been kept off-panel so as not to offend the heteronormative bluehairs.

    We barely knew ye, whoever ye was.

  15. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @Rimpy (#12): I’m sorry, I didn’t see your request not to mention it until after I’d mentioned it.

    And now I’m mentioning it again. It’s a neverending cycle of MENTIONING! 0_0

  16. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    John Dill: … Then why am I shaking?

    Mary Worth: Because I haven’t looked at the road once in about 6 minutes.

  17. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#9): State… pennitentiary?

  18. Liam
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Hey, Peter. Can you move over? There isn’t enough room here in this panel for both me and you.”

    A3G-Smoke so strong that it is peeling the blue paint off the walls and making it pink.

    Crankshaft-”I hate these flashback setups. Cranky then spends the next week calling me ‘Mommy’.”

    Dick Tracy-”That’s my old blood brothers pact.”

    FC-I love Dolly’s pose. She’s like some old drunk woman. “Don’t tell me how much I’ve had to drink. I’ll tell you how much I’ve had to drink.”

    MW-Because you know that you are going to lose. That your cake does not in any way represent nature. That you’ve shackled yourself to this mad woman who will drag you down.

    RMMD-The .25 Auto sounds like a vibrator. The .25 Auto with three speed setting and it can be strapped on too.

  19. Kimble
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    3G Wait, did Greg change from his blue pajamas to his button shirt and blue sweater in mid swing?!!!

  20. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    H&J: A friend will bail you out of jail. A REAL friend will be sitting next to you saying “Dang, that was fun!”

  21. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#18): RMMD – yah, gives new meaning to the “silver bullet”.

  22. WeatherServo9
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    I suppose knee toast is now going to be a thing.

  23. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#6): JP: Shoulda jetted to Vegas and asked for apologies rather than permission. With all the airs of entitlement that these people put on, having your wedding your own goddamn way is the one of the few that most people would agree with.

  24. Doctor Handsome
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    “And REALLY real friend helps you remain in stasis for decades, mirthlessly repeating your failed joke.”

  25. Doctor Handsome
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @WeatherServo9 (#22): If that’s not a Tumblr feed yet, give it a couple of hours.

  26. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#13): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Yeah, great, just what we needed. More dudes with penis-like heads in the funny papers.

    Hey, it could be worse:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/30/penis-head-fish-phallostethus-cuulong_n_1844257.html

    True fact: Rod Bassy’s birth name was “Rod Penis Head Fishy,” but he changed it when he went into show business.

  27. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Did I miss some important Spiderman plot point on a SUNDAY?

    Kraven is running around loose (wearing a diamond tiara), and Parker wants to go to San Francisco to get tangled up with some completely different criminal? With a budget of zero.

    Where do you stay? What do you eat? How do you get back to NYC? How do you explain yourself to JJJ? What the fu- never mind, it’s newspaper Spiderman.

  28. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Trail: Is Bassy’s scam that he’s using a different lure than he’s selling? OMG, stop the presses (or in Mark’s magazine, remain inert)!

    People who exaggerate things on advertisements should be PUNCHED.

    Yeah, I’m talkin’ to YOU, Ronald McDonald!

  29. wossname
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MW – I suppose it would be too much to hope that John is going to have a nervous breakdown and run screaming through the Cakeathon, knocking over the competitors’ cakes with a broom.

    Phantom – I suppose it would be too much to hope that Lioness #4 finds the mining boss capitalist pigs before they find her and tears them limb from limb. Actually, that might not be so farfetched.

    Slylock – Bob Weber Jr. must not get out much (or must only go to five-star restaurants) if he thinks “real” waiters always know what the stuff on the menu actually is.

  30. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    26. Rocky Stoneaxe

    Da matin’ habits of bedbugs ain’t nuthin’ ta write home about either, bubba.

  31. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    FC: The box on the table looks more like it would be dishwasher detergent. Eh, to these mutants, flakes is flakes.

  32. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Comic book Spider-Man doesn’t even qualify any more, although whereas the one we see here isn’t a real hero because he’s incompetent the one there isn’t a real hero because he’s…really a villain….

    http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/4182328.html

  33. Doctor Handsome
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    “Herb, just forget about your security deposit. There is no way I’m helping you clean again. What you need to do is stop ejaculating so indiscriminately.”

  34. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    FC: Yes, the bright, yellow sun rising over the trees to signify morning! Nothing says “I have the artistic ability of a seven year old” than Mr. Bright, Shiny Sun!

  35. sporknpork
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#31): Not to mention PJ drinking a mug of what’s probably Pennzoil, if that bottle cut off on the left is to be believed.

  36. Pozzo
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    The guy on the Flakies box is totally coming on to Dolly’s doll. (Or is it Jeffy’s? I really shouldn’t jump to conclusions.)

  37. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26):

    Today’s Pibgorn, in which a woman grips the penis head and holds it between her breasts, should be sufficient penis head action for everyone!

    http://www.gocomics.com/pibgorn

  38. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#27): Yeah, Peter actually found somebody willing to stop and drive him to NYC, but as he was about to get in the car a Random Flying Newspaper hit him in the face. He saw a story about the Kingpin taking over San Francisco’s underworld and told the guy “Thanks anyway, changed my mind, I’ll get a ride in the other direction.”

  39. Greg
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “I’m going to drop this movie off at the Redbox.” “That would mean actually moving your feet, dear. Robots won’t carry you there.”

  40. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Slylock: The waiter didn’t look at what he was serving, therefore he robbed a bank! Oh, and how many albino walruses are there in this town? I count one.

  41. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    FC: Are household dining booths a common sight in Arizona?

  42. Lumaca Morente
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Doonesbury: Note that Zipper has taken elocution lessons from Mary Worth.

  43. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#38): Random flying newspaper? Isn’t that how he figured out that Kraven was trying to steal the tiara? How prescient. A shame that it’s a dying industry. Much harder to get literally smacked in the face with a link to a news piece like that.

    So, the SF newspaper is reporting that Kingpin is taking over the crime scene, and yet the local law enforcement can’t figure it out? I hope that Parker threw that newspaper back into the wind so it could blow into the police chief’s face.

  44. Mikey
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m waiting for Margo to emerge from the smoke as a titanium endoskeleton with red glowing eyes…..

  45. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#32): isn’t a real hero because he’s…really a villain…

    Been there, done that:

    http://st3.speedforce.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/IMG_6154.jpg

  46. Horace Broon
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MW: “I’m nervous in case someone makes a cake that isn’t a shallow cylinder covered in pink icing!”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Well, like, supposing someone decided to represent nature’s beauty by using green icing, or even making a cake shaped like a tree or something?”
    “Oh, I’m sure if anyone did that they’d be disqualified for not making a proper cake.”

    RMMD: Why does June specify which gun she found, when the whole point of the exchange is she didn’t know there was another gun?

    S4th: Wait; Ted Forth’s daughter is currently allowed real scissors?

  47. Gerry
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Well, it seems Herb and Jamaal at least have a friend who removed the incriminating “1/28″ beneath the author’s signature on the original!

  48. endless sky
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    PBS: Larry lives! But….what happened to the dolphins?

    FW: So let’s just put old Fred out on the ice floe already; no one seems to care whether he lives, recovers, or whatever.

    BC: I admit I laughed. Also that I have a juvenile sense of humor.

  49. Nekrotzar
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Haha, it’s funny because … I … don’t know how … to sign into our Netflix account … either.

  50. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Sly: How could the restaurant staff not recognize that they don’t have a 7ft walrus waiter?

    And the question that is on everyone’s mind: Did Sly order clams or escargots?

  51. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Peter Parker is going to battle Marlon Brando? Probably made sense when this strip first ran.

    Apt. 3-G: Well, we’re making progress. Greg is now in a shirt and possibly a sweater, maybe a robe, and unless those are the odors of last night’s dinner[*] wafting in from the other room, the smoke is no longer pink. They still haven’t figured out how to make the axe red, rather than brown. Next week, perhaps.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Time for another edition of “Simple Answers to Simple Questions”: Q. Does Brooke McEldowney see women as childish, unprofessional bimbos? A. Yes. This has been another edition of “Simple Answers to Simple Questions.”

    The Family Circus: JUMP CUT: ZOOM TO DOLLY’S FACE, TWISTED IN A MUTE LOOK OF HORROR. CUT TO IRIS, BRING UP TITLE, AND OUT. That’s a wrap, folks.

    Hi and Lois: The only background music that’s going to help that scene is “Yakity Sax.” Possibly “The Flight of the Valkyries.”

    Judge Parker: If only poor Randy were as rich as us, he could afford to buy new parents who wouldn’t care where he got married.

    The Lockhorns: Someone should start a Lockhorns/Nietzsche mashup site, like they have for The Family Circus, with a Nietzsche quote replacing the caption each day. This would be so much better if Leroy were saying, “When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.”

    Mark Trail: “The sky is blue!” “Yes, it sure is!” “Water is wet!” “I think it is!” “I’m a simpleton!” “Yes, that’s true!”

    Mary Worth: “Then why am I shaking?”
    -Parkinson’s Disease
    -Delerium Tremens
    -Methamphetamine use
    -Blue-grey tuxedo toxemia
    -Spastic colon
    -Romantic nerves caused by thoughts of getting some from a septuagenarian meddler
    -…?

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Tonight on Rex Morgan: a Very Special Episode addressing Blue-grey tuxedo toxemia and the St. Vitus’ dance it produces in background characters.

    Slylock Fox: At last, this strip lays its agenda out on the line: keeping the oafish, non-escargot-recognizing 99′ers in their place.

  52. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26): You’ve been saving that link for a special occasion, haven’t you.

  53. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#37): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26): Today’s Pibgorn, in which a woman grips the penis head and holds it between her breasts, should be sufficient penis head action for everyone!

    Thanks for the link — I wondered what The Yellow Claw was going to do after Marvel dropped his option:

    http://www.supermegamonkey.net/chronocomic/entries/scans7/XHY18_Claw.jpg

    Bet you didn’t know Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen once worked for DC’s competition!

  54. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#41): Household dining booths aren’t common in Arizona, but breakfast booths are of course common in Denny’s restaurants in Ogden, Utah, which is in fact where the Keanes have abandoned their youngest three kids (and their damn mutt, too), never to return.

    @Hogenmogen (#43): The Police Chief couldn’t get hit in the face by the flying newspaper. He would get out of the way, because he doesn’t have Spider Sense.

    FW: “How’s your Dad?”
    “Fine, it seems. He’s already asking for his boxcar!”

  55. 3oddnames
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    FC: in a misguided experiment, Pa Keane has decided to so what happens when his children are left to their own devices. Spying from behind the neighbors bushes, his surprise and horror is severe that the exclamation lines can be seen from several yards away. With grim determination he will return home, secure in his conviction of what he needs to do…

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#2): I’m beginning to suspect that Mark writes for Highlights, not Woods ‘n Wildlife.

    If he’s going to write for a children’s magazine, he should dress appropriately.

    // Another tribute to Dean Booth’s great RMMD zipperations.

  57. TheDiva
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    H&L: Well, they can’t say “move bodies” because of the death angle, which Tom Batiuk has claimed exclusive comic strip rights to.

    Pluggers are lazy, slovenly, bums.

  58. David Schraub
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    A true plugger, of course, doesn’t know how to “set up” Redbox either, and would instead pound and wail on the window of a boarded up Blockbuster, lamenting the effects of an impersonal market whose workings he cannot comprehend.

  59. Alice
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Luann: This is probably the closest any of the characters will ever get to pillow talk. For which we should be grateful.

  60. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56): I think the beavers should be wearing muu-muus too.

  61. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#54): I don’t like Denny’s, so I see no downside.

  62. wossname
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#38): @Hogenmogen (#43): Was that a newspaper? I thought it was a giant-head-in-the-clouds (a la Mary seeing Gina’s giant head while on the plane).

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    H&J: “Be at my place between 9 and 12. Bring power tools and quicklime. If anyone asks Eula is on an extended trip to St Louis.”

    MT: Refresh me, because Saturday seems so long ago. Is that cigarette Rod Bassy is smoking in the first panel post-coital?

    MW: “Silly John! You’re shaking because you’re not used to the massive rails of blow we snorted a few minutes ago. Amateurs.”

    WofI: Dull black cape, hideous chunky collar, barely groomed unibrow, hair modeled after the Phantom’s hood. Obviously this is before Dracula started consulting with Tim Gunn.

    9CL: So that’s what she’s been doing all this time. Gotta say, if she could make her arms look a little shorter, her T-Rex would be perfect.

    BC: From the glory of Christ’s salvation to interspecies fisting in just a few short years. Good luck with Johnny’s angry ghost, guys.

    JP: Whoa lady, you’re cut off! Nobody who says the words “poor Randy” should be operating heavy machinery.

    DT: It reads, “I have blood on my hands. Here, let me show you, you literal minded morons.”

    6C: Naked women frolicking in a giant Verismo machine is a hot fetish, but it’s too bad Eduardo Barreto isn’t around to add his interpretation.

    Momma: Francis’ bell-bottoms and lank hair bespeak the 70s, but apparently his mind dates from sometime before the passing of the 19th amendment.

    M-Dawg: Utter depravity.

    Lockhorns: “Your brother.”

    A3G: “The cheery, colorful smoke. Am I tripping or what?”

  64. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#42): Doonesbury: Note that Zipper has taken elocution lessons from Mary Worth.

    See! I told you ordinary people did too talk like that!

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#247): my thoughts exactly. :-)

    *keeps shirt on, it’s raining outside*

  66. Hibbleton
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    FC: A smug PJ turns his back on the scene while enjoying a cup of joe. Dolly burps; Jeffy farts and the dog lifts his leg on Billy’s body. After seeing the rushes, the suits at Disney have second thoughts about Spike Lee directing the new Family Circus movie.

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#51):

    Hi and Lois: The only background music that’s going to help that scene is “Yakity Sax.” Possibly “The Flight of the Valkyries.”

    Oh, I don’t know. Some lovely Ludwig Van could also help.

  68. Mibbitmaker
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Busy morning oversnarpologies…

    Pluggers, meta: That last part better just be a plugger thing. I’m gonna need my Arrested Development this spring.

    FC: I’m on my way to checking out FC and seeing what kind of cutesy, precious things are going on in today’sOMIGOD!!!

    H&J: A real real friend befriends criminals.
    Next on Herb, Jamaal, and Gambino…….

  69. TheDiva
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke enjoys alternately worshiping and humiliating his female characters. I’m not sure what precisely this says about him, only that it’s not positive.

    A3G: I’m impressed. It’s hard to get a good blow out of those wooden axes.

    BRSG: Or as my dad likes to say, four out of every three people have trouble with fractions.

    FW: “It’s funny because my father and I have a mutual loathing for one another.”

    Luann: Never, ever talk about seeing each other naked again.

    MW: Awww, I missed the thrilling “cake decorating practice” montage!

    Pibgorn: I can’t wait to hear Brooke’s complaints about hidebound unimaginative editors who won’t allow him to draw a vagina.

    SM: Okay, I was out of town for a few days, so how did this work? Did Peter just call up his wife and say “Hi honey, I’m making a little side trip to California. Don’t worry about the extra expense, I’m going to hitch rides and sleep in youth hostels while I’m there.”?

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Pigporn: Weeki Watchee. That’s pretty good. You see, there was this old-time Florida tourist attraction…

    Pickles: This is why Earl doesn’t get invited over to the Trail’s anymore.

    Pluggers: Well, we knew, at least, he wasn’t going out to exercise in that outfit.

  71. Dartpaw86
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    http://joshreads.com/?m=200407
    It’s cute how things fall into place :)

  72. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#62): Yesterday it was a newspaper and today we got a giant spectral head. We can infer from the latter that the Kingpin is, like Gina, all-powerful, or at least all-knowing.

    So he’s aware Peter’s on his way but, since it’s Peter, he’s not exactly in a panic over it.

  73. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#65): You didn’t specify, but I’m guessing you refer to Six Chix. That’s my strong impression. ;)

  74. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#52): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26): You’ve been saving that link for a special occasion, haven’t you.

    Yep.

    And I double dog dare The REAL Mark Trail to devote an entire Sunday strip to the Phallostethus cuulong (a/k/a “Penis Head Fish”).

  75. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#45): I’m guessing that’s Professor Zoom instead of Hunter Zolomon, due to the art style. (I’m not quite as much of a font of DC knowledge as I am Marvel knowledge, although I know somebody who’s a big Flash/Rogues fan.) Whatever his plan was, I’m sure he did a better job of impersonating The Flash than Doc Ock is doing of impersonating Peter Parker, at least in those stories that Dan Slott is writing. (He’s a lot better at getting into character and fooling everybody in Chris Yost’s “Avenging Spider-Man”, from what I’ve seen.)

  76. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#74): I want to see Mary and John present a Phallostethus cuulong cake, to represent the beauty of nature in all its diverse forms.

  77. Anondod
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Is Pluggers trying to get into the Herb and Jamaal non-specificity thing with that shirt? As geographical entities go “STATE” is pretty bland but I think they could do better, like “AREA”. I guess that level of abstract thought can’t be expected from Pluggers.

  78. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#69):

    Okay, I was out of town for a few days, so how did this work? Did Peter just call up his wife and say “Hi honey, I’m making a little side trip to California. Don’t worry about the extra expense, I’m going to hitch rides and sleep in youth hostels while I’m there.”?

    This is Peter Parker we’re talking about; he hasn’t bothered to call her and tell her about the change of plans at all.

  79. Pak-Man
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    FC: I wouldn’t be so sure they’re at the Kompound. Judging from the seating, they’ve clearly run away to a booth at Denny’s where it can be breakfast-time ALL DAY LONG!

  80. pugfuggly
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    FC I like that PJ’s idea of freedom is drinking coffee while rubbing his ass on the table. When will society be ready to accept his ways?

    H&J “What I’m saying is thanks for hiding the gimp mask and latex bodysuit last night after I passed out. My wife still has no idea….!”

    Pluggers are big fans of the STATE, because they know that as long as it still exists, they aren’t living in a post-capitalist society.

  81. Comrade Denny
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    DtM: The only menaces in today’s panel are Alice and Henry who berate a wee child for lacking the upper-body strength and stamina necessary to shovel snow for hours on end.

  82. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    RMMD:
    June: We found the .25 in the drawer! Whew! She didn’t touch it!

    Ginger: But we should also check the kitchen cabinet for her .44 Mag!

    June: Found it!

    Ginger: 12-gague in the bedroom closet?

    June: It’s there!

    Ginger: The Hello-Kitty Victoria’s Secret Assault Rifle under her mattress?

    June: I have one just like it! Wait, I completely understand why you let an angry depressive collect this firepower, but WHY are you checking under her mattress?

    Ginger: Last week we found some lesbian porn.

  83. Stroker Ace
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Pluggers ~ Q: What’s fashionable in both Pluggerville & Smartupscaleyoungstudenttown? A: Depends.

  84. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#80): I interpreted it as “Pluggers are in the 47% that pay no personal tax, and completely dependent wards of the STATE.”

  85. Amos Snarkadder
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Luann – What a cock teaser.
    I mean Brad. He teases himself and spares Toni the bother.

  86. NoahSnark
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Herb is talking about disposing of evidence while Jamaal works the barbeque. Yet another reason to avoid eating their “pork roast”.

  87. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#3):

    ASM: If Vegas was represented by streets filled with showgirls, will San Francisco’s sidewalks be filled with burly men in assless chaps?

    Ah, so that’s why the Kingpin came to town.

  88. Lumaca Morente
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#64): I’d have thought so.

  89. Justin
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Realizing that people on this blog are pretty much their entire audience, Herb & Jamaal will soon begin just showing this same strip day, after day, after day…

  90. Lumaca Morente
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    FC: Ah, a healthy all-carb breakfast of champions. Or, given that it’s melonheads, champignons.

  91. pugfuggly
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    A3G Don’t worry Greg, I think Toucan Sam will be by soon, hot on the scent trail of some nearby Fruit Loops…

    MW Giella and Moy give the people more of what they want: old men sweating!

    Seriously though, I think J-Dills is about to have a stroke or something. Actually, since he and Mary have eaten half a dozen cakes each in the past week I think it’s probably the first signs of diabetic shock.

    MT Two men touch gently on a long dock by the water as they ignore nearby beavers. I feel like this is a metaphor for something….

  92. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#70): Pigporn: Weeki Watchee. That’s pretty good. You see, there was this old-time Florida tourist attraction…

    It’s now known as Weeki Wachee Springs State Park:

    http://floridastateparks.org/weekiwachee/default.cfm

    @Amos Snarkadder (#85): Luann – What a cock teaser. I mean Brad. He teases himself and spares Toni the bother.

    At least Brad doesn’t have a penis on his head — like the Phallostethus cuulong.

  93. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Least I Could Do: But isn’t attention whoring the sole reason behind Facebook? That’s the only reason I’m ever there.

  94. pugfuggly
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#84):

    Yep, they are fans of the STATE that subsidizes their cable bill, trips to Denny’s and the spare time they use to write letters to the editor about those mooching single mothers and immigrants. GO STATE!

  95. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#91): MW: Dill is going to drop the cake.

  96. Comrade Denny
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#2) Re: Mark Trail: Goofus is cluelessly stupid and never looks past surface appearances, never quite realizing when someone is putting one over on him until it’s too late. Gallant always looks at people in their absolute best light and always gives them the benefit of the doubt, never quite realizing when someone is putting one over on him until it’s too late. Mark Trail is Goofus and Gallant.

  97. pugfuggly
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#95):

    Is that a euphemism for ‘shitting himself’?

  98. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#94): A generic, mass-produced sweatshirt reading “INDIVIDUAL” would be a good example of true irony, though.

    Look for it in Get Fuzzy next month.

  99. Santa Royale With Cheese
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Maybe I scrolled past it, but ca-mon, how does anyone miss the “taking the DVD to the bedroom” angle here? Don’t underestimate the pan-sexual* appeal of Magic Mike.

    * Pan-species? Omni-species? I need coffee.

  100. Ross
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Okay, I can buy strips like Blondie and Family Circus recycling jokes wholesale. They’ve been around more than half a century, and I guess they figured most of those who’ve seen the original gag have died off by the time it rolls around again. Ziggy and Pluggers at least redraw the whole thing again when they decide to do a rerun. Herb and Jamaal’s blatant copying of a strip is insulting and inexcusable. Especially since the joke wasn’t that funny the first time around. I’m writing my congressman.

  101. Ross
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Oh, and I’m not counting when Pluggers goes into “Pluggers Classics” mode. That’s just as lazy as H&J, but at least Brookins tries to pass it off as “significant.”

  102. Plugged
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Mr. Dog Plugger returned “Atlas Shrugged” because he finally figured out he was lacking in individual acheivement and was just “victim” of the State.

  103. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Ross (#100): Is the artist on vacation? I don’t completely follow why they can’t get an extra 7 strips in the bank every 7 months, but that’s just me. Since it seems to be practice in the industry to rerun for a week while the artist is out, then say “H&J is on vacation” like Doones, Get Fuzzy and PBS. And Josh. Don’t try to throw in a rerun and pretend it’s new.

  104. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    I don’t understand why the Plugger’s sweat shirt doesn’t have the full name of his alma mater, SPOT STATE. Maybe that first part is written out in full on the back, towards the bottom: “SOUTHERN PART OF THE”.

  105. Digger
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    FC: It appears the Keane kids have actually secured a corner booth at the local diner, and have stormed in there in their pajamas. Wait, so does that mean they are actually Pluggers?

  106. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#69): 9CL: Brooke enjoys alternately worshiping and humiliating his female characters.

    I don’t know that today is supposed to be humiliating. Edda is engaging in the much-beloved Burber practice of ravenously soaking up attention.

    Plus, it is another reminder that Edda is not just a prima ballerina, she is also a world-class concert pianist, and thus far, far above the concerns of mere beefwits.

  107. Red Greenback
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Go Fightin’ Vague Shapes!

  108. Doodle Bean
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Herb doesn’t know the difference between a friend and an accomplice. Sad.

  109. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#105): Pluggers in their larval form.

  110. StriderGirl
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    It’s a rerun in Zits today too. But it’s a rerun from when the strip was more entertaining on a daily basis, so I’m looking forward to this week!

  111. Uncle Lumpy
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#106):

    Edda’s a coryphée, i.e., second-stringer.

  112. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#104): The full name of a Plugger’s university is Pros State.

  113. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    PLUGGERS — How thrilling to realize that I actually managed to set up a Netflix account via the Internets. Only the kind that sends DVDs through the mail, however. The kind that sends movies flying through wires (or is it the air?) to magically play on my TV (or is it my computer?) at times of my choosing is way beyond me. I am starting to think other people are learning how to do this stuff during their dreams, while I’m wasting my dream time running naked and late to old college exams.

  114. Lumaca Morente
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#105): It’s like Struwwelpeter, those horrid German stories threatening bad children. If you are as uncouth and slovenly as a Keane kid, you will grow up to be a half-human half-dog married to a chicken woman.

  115. Lumaca Morente
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#109): Sorry, Miss Babe, but I am honored to have come up with the same thought you did! I’m making progress!

  116. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#111): Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  117. Uncle Lumpy
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113):

    … I’m wasting my dream time running naked and late to old college exams.

    On the contrary, that is time well spent.

  118. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Zits: “Redondo”? “Zuma”?

  119. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113): Beats dreaming of being old, naked and late at college exams. Especially when one is the professor.

  120. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113): Don’t worry about it. I’m an IT professional (allegedly), and I have yet to figure out how to get streaming video to my Zenith.

  121. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#111): I would’ve said “second banana,” but that might be considered too phallic in light of this morning’s discussion (ahem) of a certain penis-headed fish.

  122. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#2): As someone who read HIGHLIGHTS very very carefully decades ago because I was trying so hard not to think about where I was (the waiting room of the dentist AIIEEE) I can testify that you got the HIGHLIGHTS prose style NAILED.

  123. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#95): Gravity is nature, right? Perhaps it will improve the looks of the cake, and he’ll win out anyway.

  124. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Lio: I was sure I posted this yesterday. Sorry.

  125. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @BigBadDave (y261):

    You’re not supposed to fit the dancer into the cake until AFTER you’ve baked it, you know.

    Yeah, I learned that one the hard way.

  126. Amos Snarkadder
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MW – Why are you shaking?
    I dunno, John. Maybe it’s because you realize you’re in way over your head. This is the SANTA ROYALE CAKE DESIGN COMPETITION! You’re an amateur competing with world-class professionals on the cake design circuit. And you let Mary Worth talk you into it!
    John, you should have started out small: oh say, the Charterstone Laundry Room Cupcake Frosting Fun Run. Something you could lift and take off with. The only medal you’ll get from this event is the Mary Worth kind – the Silver-haired Meddle.

  127. Gal Friday
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    H&J C’mon, that sucks! To repeat a strip should be a violation of some kind of journalistic ethics. Especially when there are new artists trying to get published. Gee.

  128. Amos Snarkadder
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @ #92 Rocky Stoneaxe
    “At least Brad doesn’t have a penis on his head”

    That’s not actually his real nose, is it?

  129. Irrischano
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    I figured Pluggers had all sorts of euphemisms for their bowel movements. I didn’t think “Drop this movie at the Redbox” would be one of them.

  130. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#3): I for one welcome our new, assless-chapped overlords.

  131. Name
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    What’s up with Jeffy’s chair? It’s so high that it’s practically flush with the bottom of the table. It would be completely useless for anyone over two feet tall. And yet Jeffy still needs a booster seat?

  132. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#2): If Rod Bassy keeps smoking those filterless cigarettes, Mark won’t have to punch/sic a bear and-or a shark on him. He’ll simply die of lung cancer, but not before coughing out his secret method of cheating at pro bass contests.

  133. greghousesgf
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#28): well, Ronald should be punched anyway for being a clown and selling shitty food.

  134. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#Y237): Oh, you got the little kid jars. The adult sized jars are the ones with the odd sizing. You may see a 250g jar in Germany and a 230g jar in Italy. The Italian Nutella has much more “nut” flavor than the rest of the world. Much more hazelnut than chocolate. Bleah.

  135. astroboy
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Dolly’s heavy-lidded expression’ liquid-splattered arm and Chatty Cathy doll have me very worried about the whereabouts of the parents of the melonheads.

    Has anyone SEEN Bill-n-Thel lately? Has anyone…OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE THEY EATING????? Soylent Green is Melonhead Parents!

  136. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    MT — One way to cheat at a bass fishing tournament is to catch big fish ahead of time, stash them in a submerged basket in a secluded location, and retrieve them during the contest. Another way is to add weight to your fish by injecting water or putting weights into the stomach cavity. So the smart thing to do, Mark, is hang around with Bassy throughout a tournament, or use your own boat to follow him wherever he goes. Let’s see if you can figure that out.

  137. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Irrischano (#129): That belongs on the float.

  138. Tophat
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Are… are the Keane kids eating… Flakms? It sounds like a cross between paint chips and rat poison.

  139. Marc
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    9CL- Lest anyone go more than 30 seconds without lavishing their full attention on a Burber.

    A3G- So is Evan still in there or what?

    Funky- So Batiuk is using this stroke to retcon old man Fairgood into an emotionally neglectful bastard despite having never shown us a shred of evidence to that effect? Sounds about right. Wasn’t it just a few months ago that he and coach Anal drove Darrin and girl Darrin around and showed them their old house and told them about all the happy times they had there?

    Luann- Bwad seems to have prematurely shot his wad on what was suppposed to be a dry run, and now he has something of a mess on his hands.

    Mark Trail- I’d ask where Rusty is, but I already know they answer to that question. No! He’s probably outside.

    Mary Worth- Sorry, but there’s only room for one half baked, poorly done stroke plot in the comics pages. And Funky Winkerbean is taking care of that.

  140. The Sleepy Roommate
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MW – “like they did in practice”?! does someone want to explain how making dozens of pink 2 tier cakes with white icing is practice for a nature theme?! Part of practicing for a theme, believe it or not, is actually USING the theme! They spend weeks making barbie cakes and in 6 hours they are able to make a cake “representing nature’s beauty”? Another thing – why the hell is John dressed up like Urkel going to a reception?

  141. wossname
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113): Have you managed to combine the “I’m late for the exam in the class that I forgot to attend” dream with the “I have no clothes” dream? Very efficient! Multitasking!

  142. Droopy Says
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Peter Parker didn’t check the date on that newspaper, did he? Because that sheet has been blowing around the Southwest since 1978. But that’s cool. When he gets to San Francisco it’s going to be 1966.

  143. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: walleye and perch are good eats. just sayin’.

    AD: ewwwwww. apparently, anal fisting of turtles is acceptable on the funny pages these days.

    rCdS: featuring an unseen (and unshaven) Mark Trail.

    rIP: Captain Victorious is an ork.

    LaCuc; LOL! nicely played.

    SBp: I’ve seen this joke before. no idea where, but I have.

    Bizarro: CIDU.

    GT: panel 5, the shot is blocked by the sudden appearance of a black peacock. GT then goes all Pokemon for several weeks. [*]

    OBH: I’m not googling that title, for fear of excessive Legolas slash.

    Ghost–who-exposits: has borrowed Mark Trails’ brain and his bolding today.

    RwO: subtle, very subtle. [*]

  144. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Love Is . . . weird bondage games, with make-outs.

  145. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

  146. Evan
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    You’ve misread the Pluggers strip, Josh. It’s not that going out in those clothes is unusual. It’s that only pluggers wear a full sweatsuit and shoes to bed, in order to preclude any risk of intimacy with their hideous, hideous wives.

  147. Col. Havoc
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

  148. Will
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Zits: Is this a rerun? I feel sure I’ve seen that same weak punchline (or maybe it was an un-cute phone number) before.
    SFx: I completely skipped over the waiter and focused on the dog with mismatched pants preparing to inhale a corn cob. That’s pretty suspicious behavior in a fancy restaurant, if you ask me.

  149. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#41): I always thought that the height of class (well, when I was 8 or so, growing up in Phoenix) was having a booth/table set-up in the kitchen). Friends of the family had one, along with just a very swank house in general — a fireplace that was never used, so it had a huge collection of beautifully-arranged seashells in it, paintings of Polynesian women, etc.

  150. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#141):

    That “late for exam in a class I forgot about” dream has persisted with me as well, updating itself as I grow older:

    - Forgot a High School assignment, now it is the end of the year and I have only the weekend to do it, but choose not to.

    - Forgot that I have six classes this semester in college, not just 5. Have never attended the sixth, do not know what room it is in, and just learned that there is an exam tomorrow.

    - Have, for various … reasons, decided to go back to college for another degree. Have coasted for the first 1 1/2 years, without needing to put in any effort, and without telling anyone that I already have graduated from a different college. Now realize that the class I am taking will require actual effort and study, but of course the final exam is tomorrow and I’m not even sure what room it is in.

  151. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#119): @Poteet (#113): Beats dreaming of being old, naked and late at college exams. Especially when one is the professor.

    Please, no naked professors. Especially if said professors are Ian Cameron (Mary Worth) and Ari Papagoras (Apartment 3-G).

  152. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Josh, re and PJ is just stone cold rubbing his ass on the table. You owe me a new monitor, keyboard, and Coke. Plus, I think my office mate is calling 911 to have an ambulance haul me away.

  153. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#141): My version is “late for a class that I’m teaching”—but in any case, throw in “and I have to make a phone call but no phone is working,” and you have the trifecta!

  154. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#60): It’s a muu-muu world after all.

    Has someone already commented that in the midst of all this gun talk, June has apparently slipped out of her white slacks and put her swimsuit back on (or alternatively, is showing off her lavender bikini undies to the boys at the party)?

  155. Lumaca Morente
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#151): Oooh! Ari/Ian slash!

  156. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#150): My persistent dream is that I decide (for some reason) to go back to high school to retake various classes, but I don’t do as well this time around so the district takes away my original diploma — which completely invalidates my life (I also lose my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees, because I didn’t have a high-school diploma to qualify for college with.)

  157. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Poetic truth.

    She brought protection. (potentially nsfw, but probably not.)

    Give a hoot, don’t pollute.

    just an otter pic.

    another retriever for TDP.

    Happy sundog.

    puppy pandering for bb,u.

  158. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#156):

    Yes, I have that one too, where going back to college and then failing to show up for the right tests results in my graduate degree being taken away!

  159. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#157): re “Poetic truth” — I’ve found that this applies to just about any college literature class.

  160. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#157): I’m surrounded by puppy pimps!

  161. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

  162. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#141): Yes. And occasionally I’ve forgotten about two or three courses that I enrolled in and have to take exams in all of them, plus I am living in the darkest, biggest, most hideous dorm in the universe. Then I wake up and look at my Nobel medal sitting on the mantelpiece and laugh, of course.

  163. MySpoonIsTooBig
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    9CL- Ok, there is an amusing idea there underneath the awkward execution. Somewhere.

    Luann- This is assuming Greg has any idea how to draw a beautiful woman without obvious makeup signifiers.

  164. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#151): Ian Cameron and Aristotle Papagoras both teach philosophy, don’t they? Or does Ari teach psychology? I assume he must have some credentials in that field, to be treating patients and prescribing drugs.

    OK, who are we kidding, in A3-G a degree in anything with three of more syllables in the name will suffice to give you the necessary academic credentials to teach anything at all and the medical licenses necessary to prescribe anything. After all, just showing up will get you the director’s position at an art gallery or a publicity agency, and being able to swing an ax will suffice to get you cast as James Bond.

  165. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#29) on Mary Worth: “Run screaming through the Cakeathon, knocking over the competitors’ cakes with a broom.” Sounds like a fun way to get on CNN!

    @Hogenmogen (#50): Inhabitants of Slylockland aren’t the most observant of people judging by the lame-o situations they call the Red Fox to noodle out.

    @pugfuggly (#97): Oh ha ha HA! I didn’t see that coming.

    @Digger (#105): Yes the melonheads are Pluggers. There used to be 5 kids; Mama Keane discovered when you try flushing one of her kids, they plug the toilet.

    @greghousesgf (#133): He should be punched only for the first thing. Many many times. Until he looks like the burgers he pushes.

  166. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#124): I don’t recall it (then again, my short-term memory is for crap). Clap clap clap! (for both the mashup and Spidey just generally getting it).

    @bats :[ (#154): And for my own rationalization…

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Mutt & Jeff: Just when Mutt finally gets his underwear back from the cleaners!

    JEFF: I think I must improve my control when I pitch!
    MUTT: Where are you going with my underwear.
    JEFF: I’ll bring it back!
    (CATCHER): Aim here!

    Remember the Levitra ad with the guy throwing a football through a tire? This is better.

  168. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    If you brought Marvin to a party, would you or would Marvin be the party pooper?

  169. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#166):

    Awesome! Comment of the Week (Graphic Division)! [*]

  170. Liam
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Hey, Rusty! How would you like it if I took you to this fishing tournament with me and then abandon you so I can talk this Rod Bassy guy and hang out with my friend Bluegill?”

  171. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

  172. Liam
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Herb and Jaamal-”Seriously I just killed a man and I need you to help me clean it up.”

  173. Shrug, Claming Down
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#50):

    ” Did Sly order clams or escargots?”

    Or did he order clams stuffed with escargots? You know, like turducken, only with seafood? Clamagots?

    The better restaurants first stuff caviar into the escargots, then stuff the clamagotavair into lobsters. But in SLY’s world, lobsters are probably sentient, so lobsclamagotavair is a no-no.

    //Since I don’t eat seafood, I think I’m feeling a little sick right now.

  174. Shrug, with a Tall Story
    January 28th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#50):

    “Sly: How could the restaurant staff not recognize that they don’t have a 7ft walrus waiter? ”

    He lied about his height.

  175. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#164): Actually, I’m not sure what Ari is a professor of — Apartment 3-G’s Wikipedia entry refers to him simply as “kindly* neighbor Professor Aristotle Papagoras.” As for Ian Cameron, I thought he taught literature at the local college. But I could be wrong.

    *Is there such a thing as a Professor of Kindness?

  176. Lumaca Morente
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#175): I profess kindness. Would that not make me a professor of the same?

  177. Mikey
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: The only thing that can stop them now is if they run over Peter Parkers naked, mangled corpse on Highway 1 on the way to the Cake Off.

  178. Shrug, Eh?
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#80):

    “Pluggers are big fans of the STATE, because they know that as long as it still exists, they aren’t living in a post-capitalist society.”

    Actually, when he was young and adventurous, he considered applying to PROVINCE. But Canada hastily passed new border regs to keep Pluggers out.

    //Even notoriously tolerant, rational countries full of polite easy-going people can be pushed only so far.

  179. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#177): “Peter Parkers naked, mangled corpse” would make a great pseudonym.

  180. Dream On, Shrug
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113):

    ” I am starting to think other people are learning how to do this stuff during their dreams, while I’m wasting my dream time running naked and late to old college exams.”

    Are you taking applications for people to make guest appearances in your dreams? I’d be very polite and just stand in the background and, you know, watch; I wouldn’t heckle or anything.

    //Last night I dreamed I was visiting Australia, discovered I was almost out of money, tried to use my one credit card in a bank ATM and discovered it was defective, and walked out broke to see my family being forced by a police officer to drive away, leaving me stranded, since I’d parked the car illegally. I don’t think I was naked, though.

  181. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#128): That’s not actually his real nose, is it?

    Do you want it to be his nose?

    @Liam (#172): Jamaal: “Herb, buddy, I always said I’d help you move either a
    live boy or a dead hooker out of your bed. But not both, man. NOT BOTH.”

  182. Government Cheese
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: Why am I shaking Mary? And sweating? Oh man, my IBS is kicking in…..

    I’m reminded of the Seinfeld episode where the character, Poppy, gets so worked up he pees on the couch and leaves a stain. I predict Dill will leave a stain of his own in the car.

    Luann: UNSPEAKABLE FILTH

    Mental of the image of the day – imagine Brad DeGroot naked. Discuss.

  183. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Dream On, Shrug (#180): Last night I dreamed I was visiting Australia…

    Did you look up to see Count Weirdly’s green, top-hatted, bespectacled visage looking down at you out of a giant hatch in the blue Antipodean skies? If so, not to worry, you were just in the Count’s hologram chamber.

    // Pro-tip: When visiting Count Weirdly, it is polite to accept ONE of his special mojitos. Maybe two, but the second should be the last.

  184. Shrug, in the Forth Place
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    SALLY FORTH: Shouldn’t we ask Hilary Forth to start posting to Comics Curmudgeon? Any twelve (?) year old kid who can toss off the idea of Sumerian Mad-Libs would clearly fit right in here.

    // Maybe she’s already posting? Is there a ‘mudge I haven’t noticed with a nym such as “Werewolf Lyrics”?

    /////Do kids today still know about Mad Libs?

  185. Girl Reporter
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#51): We belong to St. Vitus, Mr. Girl Reporter’s childhood parish. Nobody ever got it when I asked if his school dances were fantastic, so I stopped trying.

  186. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#107): Since pluggers are anthropomorphic beasts, maybe their mascot is a human. “Go, Fightin’ Office Workers!!”

  187. bbofun
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Since this will be newspaper Kingpin, it will be interesting to see how ridiculous they’ll make him. They had Kraven, who use to hunt Spider-man, and actually nearly killed him (and buried him alive) in the comics, training chimps to steal. The Kingpin will probably end up just being a Sydney Greenstreet parody, looking for a priceless statue…

    Oh, crap, that’s what’s going to happen, isn’t it? Kraven had a Las Vegas heist, ala Ocean’s 11- Kingpin’s going to be part of a Maltese Falcon pastiche- next, onto Los Angeles, and Sandman’s snapped up the water rights! “Forget it, Spidey- it’s Chinatown!”

    I wonder if this whole “Spider-Man coast-to-coast” arc is in response to the current “Dr. Octopus stole Spider-man’s body and killed him” arc going on in the comics. Remember when they briefly re-booted the comic to before Peter and MJ’s marriage, because of the “One More Day” arc? (Apologies to those who don’t know what I’m talking about- accidentally put on my “comic-book nerd glasses this morning.) Maybe this is an attempt to make it clear that this isn’t following comic-book continuity?

    Of course, that’s unnecessary- the earlier re-boot was quickly undone when they found out that people who un-ironically read newspaper Spider-Man don’y read the comics, and don’t care. They just want the blandness they paid for, dagnabbit!

  188. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#182): “Luann: UNSPEAKABLE FILTH”

    … And yet, you spoke it.

  189. Government Cheese
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#188): Couldn’t help myself.

  190. Dale
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAILING

    L Rod Bassy’s personal copy of the killer lure is the kind used by diamond smugglers.
    Tiny holes allow the hidden bait to escape into the water.

    Seriously, on a bad day, no type of lure works. On a very good day, almost anything will work.

  191. Downpuppy, Forever
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    The melonheads use of utensils in FC is still better than that of anyone in Mary Worth

  192. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#181): Now that second crack is COTW material right there.

  193. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#185): Well, I’ll be ding-danged. I always figured St. Vitus was one of those made-up saints like Josaphat and Buffy Marie. Nope, he was historical. You learn something every day.

  194. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    SM: One of my co-workers had a car just like that. If this one works as well, the radiator will explode before they even get out of Las Vegas. I’m really hoping for that, because Daddy Croc is on his way and Peter Parker might be the only prey dumb enough for the croc to catch.

  195. bbofun
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Luann- yeah, like Brad’s EVER seen Toni naked. Or is ever going to. Or has imagined it. Or would relaly want to. Brad’s gay, is what I’m saying.

    A3G- Apparently, the flames that were getting bigger with each swing of the ax on Saturday were scared away by Greg’s adrenaline-rush fueled entrance. (Breaking down a door that’s between you and a burning room? Good way to get your face burned off, FYI.)

    FW-And the laughs just keep on coming!
    Giving rare props to FOOB- although she screwed it up later, I thought Lynn handled Grandpa’s stroke well- particularly making him the major character of it. Disturbing, yeah- but decently written for a newspaper strip. Batiuk, of course, is handling it like the stroke victim is just a prop- actually less than that, a plot device, a MacGuffin. Have we even SEEN the victim since he had the stroke?

  196. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Eh? (#178): He’s wearing his STATE sweatshirt to show off his superiority to those that graduated from COUNTY or CITY. STATE is better recognized throughout the STATE, but mostly for their TEAM, which excels in SPORT.

  197. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#114): @Digger (#105): It’s like Struwwelpeter, those horrid German stories threatening bad children. If you are as uncouth and slovenly as a Keane kid, you will grow up to be a half-human half-dog married to a chicken woman.

    Worst of all are the cursed half-human half-Phallostethus cuulong who walk among us. Like Professors Ian Cameron and Aristotle Papagoras.

    In order to pass as normal humans, Ian and Ari both grew chinbeards to hide their junk from prying eyes.

  198. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#37): Augh, have seen, can’t unsee.

    //Previously I was distracted by the dual crotch shot above. And then I got to wondering about the nature of Drusilla’s coloration/clothing/whatever that is and decided it was time to go do something else before I fell too far down that rabbit hole.

  199. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    SM: What if this driver turns out to be a gay letcherous predator? He puts his hand on Parker’s inner thigh. “My Spider-senses are tingling!”

  200. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#70): That was the one where women dressed up as mermaids as part of the show, wasn’t it? Nice catch!

  201. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#196): TEAM does well in the REGIONAL CONFERENCE and is on a several game winning streak against RIVAL.

  202. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#122): Heh. That’s usually where I read Highlights too. (We subscribed to Ranger Rick, and sometimes Cricket, but Highlights was pretty much only encountered in waiting rooms.)

  203. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#141)
    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#150): If you take up teaching, eventually you get to an additional stage, which is forgetting about courses and exams that you’re giving.

    A funny story: at one point I was having a ton of these dreams, and they all involved wandering around the same dream campus, being hopelessly lost. Eventually, though, I’d had so many of these dreams, all set on the same campus (I guess my brain’s imagination wore itself out), that I eventually learned my way around. Then they stopped.

  204. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Dream On, Shrug (#180): @Poteet (#113): Netflix via Wii is surprisingly easy if you have wifi. But just last night, I had another one of those old college dreams. Though mine are walking in to the final exam and I’m like “I haven’t studied all semester! All year! All decade! Several decades! I didn’t even know I was IN this freakin’ class until just now!”

  205. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#201): Are we talking Pluggers, Herb and Jamal, or Gil Thorpe here? I’ve lost track.

  206. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169): hey, I’m just always happy when folks join in with moar mashups.
    Like this!

  207. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

  208. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#202): Am I the only one old enough to remember Jack and Jill magazine? Oh how I looked forward to that every month.

  209. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#195): Brad being gay would explain so, so much.

  210. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#206): Rod Bassey carries tampons???

  211. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#182): Yeah, I’m gonna take a pass on the whole naked Brad thing. Nothing personal, just need to preserve my own mental health.

  212. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#182): The Pillsbury Dough guy never wore clothes. I imagine it’s pretty much the same with some extra hair.

  213. Fritz Basset
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#2): Great! You might want to throw in some bathroom humor as the kiddies will enjoy that.

  214. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#195): We briefly saw him on a gurney, being used as a prop to show us how incompetent his doctors are for waiting for the test results to come in before making a diagnosis.

  215. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

  216. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#212): So, a pudgy version of a Ken doll, is what you’re saying.

  217. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#46): June’s just showing off her knowledge of handguns. Me I’d just be. “A GUN! With BULLETS!”

    @Baka Gaijin (#134): The 375g jar I just polished off is the second size up in Canada. I think the glass one is about 250g, but I don’t have one around to check.

  218. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#208): I remember that one. Wasn’t that the before-Highlights rag?

  219. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Little does Mrs. Pluggerdog know that he’s going to shove the DVD’s into an old Budweiser longneck box. After emptying all 24 bottles, just like in “college.”

    // He dropped out of truck driving “college” due to incipient alcoholism.

  220. Hogenmogen
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers wear sweatclothes day and night. So bear plugger’s wife is not a plugger?

  221. Liam
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Say you look rather pretty, kid. Has anyone ever told you how pretty you look?”

    MW-”Then why am I shaking? I also taste cooper and I have this sharp stabbing pain in my chest.”

    Slylock-So this confirms my suspicions that Slylock doesn’t like to eat clams.

  222. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I’ve helped burn thirty-acre tracts of land, and what’s in that strip isn’t smoke. That’s explication with some incense.

  223. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#206): Dynomite!

    // I, uh, may be borrowing that little firecracker one of these days.

  224. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#218): I remember reading Highlights in the dentist’s office while I was an actual kid. But maybe we got Jack and Jill a little earlier. I remember one edition with a photo feature about The Sound of Music, so that had to be 1965. They ran a whole series of Baba Yaga stories! Now I can only look forward to my AARP magazine. *sigh*

  225. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#208): Too young here, perhaps. I’m in my early 40s.

  226. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#203):

    Well, there is the “I don’t know what room, or what building, the class is even in!” dream. And then there is the “I know exactly where I need to go, it’s just that I will never get there because I am moving so slowly and it feels like my feet are stuck in molasses” dream.

    I’ve read that many dreams are your mind taking the opportunity to run through scenarios while the emotional side of your brain is inactive, thus allowing you to work through your concerns without letting your emotions take over. I know that I often have dreams where the emotions seem tacked on – I’m furious, but it doesn’t make sense for me to be so mad, and I’m almost laughing at (or ashamed of) myself for reacting with such emotion to the situation.

  227. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#217): OK. You’ve got 375g; the Italian similar size is probably 350g or 360g. When I was driving through Europe, someone in America asked me to send an Italian and a German Nutella. I wouldn’t have noticed the difference in sizes and prices otherwise nor knew there was a difference in flavor.

  228. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#224): J, M and J! Just went to Wikipedia and found out that Jack and Jill is still published! And has been since 1938. At least I don’t recall reading a 1938 Jack and Jill photo spread on “The Terror of Tiny Town”. Phew. I’d be looking for my ‘Casket and Sunnyside’ instead of my AARP Magazine.

  229. Mr Frog
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Hahaha, how charmingly whimsical! Edda suddenly lost all awareness of her surroundings and began acting out a bizarre inner fantasy in front of hundreds of people! Question: if this sets off a Winkerbeanian storyline chronicling Edda’s premature slide into dementia, will the strip become more or less insufferable as a result?

  230. Downpuppy, Forever
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#206): I’m sorry, but the Rod Bassy Flaming Tampon will never sell.

  231. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#200): I thought it was clever of McE.

    // He may be beyond redemption, who am I to say? But, if we are patient, and praise him when he is good, and gently chide him when he errs, who knows what may hap?

  232. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Sleepy Roommate (#140): I know this is hard to fathom, but Mary and John seem to think that the pink thing with the icing-tip flowers does represent the nature theme. Perhaps John has secretly made the candy effigy of Mary he wanted to try and then Mary will knock over the cake in her consternation over its appearance.

    I’m curious as to whether the cake they make at the contest will resemble the practice cakes in the same way the practice cakes resembled one another (hint: a lot less than the elephants that are not alike in a Slylock Fox puzzle). I’m sure it will be pink and round, but will it be three feet high? I’m not sure any of the practice cakes made it to a third of that measurement.

  233. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#208): I’m old enough that I did indeed get Jack and Jill Magazine every month, but I am in fact so old that I no longer remember anything that was in it. Was it the one that had the Baba Yaga witch stories, or was that something else?

    I remember Boy’s Life mainly for the “Hinney” column, which was kind of funny (to a 10-year-old) and for the jokes page, which wasn’t.

  234. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Forever (#230): In a world where Japanese salarymen can buy used schoolgirl panties from vending machines, nothing is certain.

  235. Liam
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    FC-PJ is sitting like “Where’s the waitress with the refills? I like my cup refilled at least six times. I’m not leaving her a tip.”

  236. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#226): Don’t forget “my class is comically oversized and configured so that I can’t possibly see all the students at once, plus they’re completely out of control–and don’t forget, the department chair/dean is observing me today”!

    (I used to have versions of these teaching dreams every August; now I almost never have them. That would be comforting, except for the fact that they’ve been replaced by equally irritating anxiety dreams set in other venues.)

  237. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#208): @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#202): Am I the only one old enough to remember Jack and Jill magazine? Oh how I looked forward to that every month.

    Do you also remember this magazine?

    http://www.fanboy.com/tag/humpty-dumptys-magazine-for-little-children

    After Humpty Dumpty grew up, he changed his name to “Kingpin” and became a recurring villain in Spider-Man.

  238. BERTMARCH
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Welp, it looks like the Keene kids finally gained the power to wish their parents into the cornfield.

  239. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#91): MT: Someone was asking where they were fishing. It looks like a lake or big river. I’ve never seen beavers damming river mouths at the ocean. I’ve actually never noticed them damming right where there was already a huge body of water, but perhaps I’ve just been unobservant and not noticed the Great Lakes to be held in place with mud-daubed sticks.

  240. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#233): That’s the one, and probably the reason Americans my age would ever know about Baba Yaga, unless they come from a Russian family or enjoy folklore.

  241. Government Cheese
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#211): I’m not even sure Evans could even imagine it. However, I’m always amused when there’s pseudo-ribald dialogue in this strip. It makes me chuckle loudly.

  242. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#237): I would have liked that. Reading – remember reading? Off paper? Ha ha, I am old!

  243. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#222): I have been in burning buildings, but it’s really hard to see flames, because smoke both obscures it and makes it hard to see. But you know, flames! Doesn’t the cartoonist have a candle, or merely a book of matches from which to draw inspiration as to the actual appearance of flames?

  244. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    MW: Six hours – so about 45 minutes to mix and bake, an hour to cool thoroughly, four hours to ice and decorate, and fifteen minutes for the big move to to the judging table. So… judging begins in March?

  245. Legend of the Arctic
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    The baby is drinking coffee, Dolly is clearly hung over, and all three children are apparently eating from a box of off-brand powdered dishwasher soap in what appears to be a restaurant booth. They’re definitely not at the Keane Kompound anymore.

  246. Perky Bird
    January 28th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#210): Yep, that’s how he cheats. He tosses several thousand boxes of extra-absorbant tampons into the lake to soak up all the water, then plucks the stranded bass from the muddy lake bottom.

  247. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Mary, Queen of Tarts — In my head “Cake Boss” John Dill sounds exactly like Moe Prigoff from Storage Wars Texas:

    http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/3321459_o.gif

  248. Majicou
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

  249. The Doctor
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Eureka! I have gone back to the beginning and read every single post Josh has made. And it only took me four months! Great work, Josh, thanks for the posts! (Also, a quick shoutout to a certain high school chemistry teacher who introduced his classes to both this blog and the daily wonders of Mark Trail. You know who you are, Big O!)

  250. Dale
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#239):

    We don’t want you to know about the mud and stick dams. Maps clearly show that Canada is uphill from the US. If droughts get bad enough, we’ll just poke some holes and get all the water we need.

  251. DaveyK
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    I think it just means Herb & Jamaal know where their respective Porn collections are stashed, just in case.

  252. Dale
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#237):

    In the early 1950′s, my brother received a subscription to Humpty Dumpty. Being 2 years older, I got Children’s Digest. I often preferred Humpty Dumpty – something about the little projects.

  253. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#212): I was going to say something like this (at least the extra hair part. I was considering Bookworm Gunth instead of the Pillsbury Doughboy).

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#223): well, I borrowed it from Pirarro, so…

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#224): I recall reading random copies of J&J. The first “subscription” I got was a thin weekly edition of Nat. Geographic for kids. I think the only kids who actually got a subsription to Highlights were those who were hated by their parents.
    (And I was Shocked! to see, not that many years ago, a volume of The Children’s Illustrated Bible that was NOT Volume 1). There was always a Volume 1 in the doctor’s waiting room, which may explain why I know most of the stories in Genesis really well (and the rest of the Bible not so much.)

  254. Calico
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

  255. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#253): Old Testament stories make Struwwelpeter look like a bunch of kid’s stories.

  256. El Vampiro
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#206): Yo uso un tampón como una bolsita de té.

  257. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#250): So why is “beaver” a dirty word in the US? True story: a venerable Canadian publication had to change its name because its title was causing results containing it to be blocked in Internet searches.

  258. Gringo
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#257): I blame Ward Cleaver.

  259. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#252): I think I got Wee Wisdom magazine. I know the former was American, because it was packed full of stories about children in the American Revolutionary War. I didn’t understand cultural imperialism back then, so I waited with confusion for when they would start doing Canadian stuff. I think my parents were also disappointed by the high US content, because they switched me to Owl, which had lots of stuff about beavers and frogs, and didn’t advocate violent overthrow of the monarchy.

  260. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

  261. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#259): ‘Jack and Jill’ had a story about a boy who helped do something – I think help get a telegraph wire across a chasm or something – by using his kite. They made a big deal out of the fact that he named his kite “The Onion” and I couldn’t figure out why this mattered. Well, I never said I was a bright child. I read it as “The Onion” which I thought was spelled with a ‘U’. The ‘Union’. Haw.

  262. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @El Vampiro (#256): La tampon de ma tante est sur le bureau de mon oncle.

  263. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#257): Doesn’t yours look like…um…errr….let’s forget all about it.

  264. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#263): Yes, yes, mine does have giant teeth that grow its entire life, necessitating a constant supply of wood to keep healthy, and a wide fleshy tail that can be used to warn others of danger. But what’s dirty about that?

  265. El Vampiro
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#262): Lección número uno Francés.

  266. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#257): Beaver College in PA had to change its name to Arcadia. And it was a women’s college – ! I actually wasn’t aware of this as an expression for you-know-what until about 5 years ago when I set about trying to educate myself on the seamier side of life (by reading stuff here).
    //made my very first (intentional) double entendre in 2012!

  267. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

  268. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#264): …constant supply of wood…(snerk)

  269. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    If you only rent movies once in a great while, like I do, Redbox is a better deal, because you can just use a free movie code every time. But alas, getting the code would require the internets, and all good Pluggers fear that demonic series of tubes.

  270. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#266):

    Did Beaver College ever play any sports contests against Morehead State?

  271. pugfuggly
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#239):

    Could be they’re building a lodge instead of a dam, but more likely the Jackelrod rolled his 24-sided animal dice and it came up ‘beaver’.

  272. Fashion Police
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    We note a number of intriguing sartorial statements in today’s entries:

    That actor fellow in [b]Apartment 3-G[/b] took time out to change from his blue jammies to white ones with a blue dressing gown. We are severely disappointed, however, that he neglected to add an ascot.

    Mr. Dill in [b]Mary Worth[/b] was actually able to find a bow tie made from the exact material as his suit. The electric-blue shirt ruins the effect, though. Do they expect bonus points for not getting cake flour all over their church clothes?

    Last but not least, we are quite taken with Mrs. Coach [b]Thorp[/b]‘s game-day outfit. It is quite a commitment for a woman who lives in velour running gear to submit to slacks, a dress shirt and one of those 1980s bow ties. If she kept her suit-jacket on and buttoned up we’d really be impressed.

  273. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#266): I found out when I was seventeen, living abroad and told an American friend that the Canadian nickel had a beaver on it. “”It’s our national animal.” I explained. “Beavers are smart and industrious, take care of their families, and had an important role in the economic development of Canada.” A role that they fortunately recovered from. He wouldn’t tell me what was so funny for a week.

    I understand that the noble beaver is getting flack for being brown and furry and having an affinity for wood, but squirrels are brown and furry and all about the nuts. Why do they get a free pass?

  274. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#267): More information about beavers can be found on the Internet.

  275. Ratiocinator
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#273): I think it’s the work of the vastly influential squirrel lobby.

  276. Alison
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#258):
    This of course brings to mind June’s infamous line, “Ward, don’t you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?”

    “Herb and Jamaal”: Tomorrow’s punchline: “Hey, Jamaal, I just flew in from a random unspecified location, and boy, are my arms tired!”

    “Mary Worth”: They haven’t even arrived at the competition and John Dill is already falling to pieces from anxiety. I like this and hope to see more of it. Hopefully it will all end with John on the floor at the cake competition, passed out from terror, while Mary stands over him and spouts platitudes.

  277. pugfuggly
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#273):

    I was first told about the term by a skeezy clerk in a used music instrument store in Ottawa when I was pretty young. He was telling me about some author who used to write stories with the dirty words replaced by his own little drawings in the text, and when I looked confused when he said ‘beaver’ he drew me a little picture on the back of a receipt.

  278. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#273):
    The beaver is the state animal of Oregon, too. There is even a beaver on the state flag. A close friend of mine is an alumna of Beaverton High School. She has lamented on occasion about having to “go through life as a Beaverton goddam Beaver!”

  279. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#277): All I can picture is a cute little cartoon beaver, possibly waving a Canadian flag. But that makes me think, a beaver cake would not be that hard to do, and it would be adorable! I am so making one for next Canada Day, or nature-themed cake competition, whichever comes first. It will not be pink with white icing.

  280. Dagger33
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Since no Plugger could ever attend university, I take it he’s just painted out “Penitentiary” or “Asylum” on that outfit.

  281. Illustrator Steve
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    MT – (Lost Forest TV commercial): “When it’s time to do some serious fishing tha’t the time to use the fishing lure used by the top bass fishing champion in the southern part of the state, ROD BASSY! Yes, folks, it’s the ROD BASSY KILLER LURE! It’s the lure you will often see used at fishing camps not to far from a nearby city. If you are a fisherman who feels the need to check your area to see if you can fish just like ROD BASSY then this is the lure for you! As ROD BASSY himself states right there on the lable, “To be sure, use the ROD BASSY KILLER LURE!”, which means this lure MUST be good for ROD BASSY himself to say that! Yes folks, if you act now you can purchace this lovely lure for only a mere $19.99 plus tax, shipping and handling….BUT WAIT! If you act now by calling in the next ten seconds we will DOUBLE your order at no extra charge….except for a one time small shipping and handling fee of only $39.99! So, don’t wait, CALL NOW, OUR OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR CALL! (Disclaimer note: Due to import restrictions, unsafe factory conditions and slave labor hearing, the ROD BASSY KILLER LURE may take an additional four to six months to arrive at your home address, or, in other words, it may take around the same length of time for your ROD BASSY KILLER LURE to arrive as it takes for our local nature writer, Mark Trail, to arrive back home again after wandering off to God knows where!)”

  282. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

  283. pugfuggly
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#279):

    It will not be pink with white icing.

    I….uh…..nope, not going there. Just talking about regular animal beavers….I mean, beavers that are animals….I mean animals of the family castoridae. Yeah

  284. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#278): I think Canadians should take vengeance on the Americans for corrupting our beloved national animal by making “eagle” into slang for something that makes high school students snicker. You watch Canadian kids crack up laughing when they see there’s an actual eagle on the official seal of the President and you’ll know my plan has succeeded.

    //Also, The Beaver Song from HIMYM.

    @pugfuggly (#283): I’m glad someone here understands what I’m talking about. The theme from Hinterland Who’s Who makes me squee before I even see which adorable critter they’re pushing.

  285. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Legend of the Arctic (#245):

    I think that Dolly is going to hurl any second now!

  286. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#203): I’ve recently had a few annoying dreams with the theme “my flight to an unspecified foreign country is leaving in an hour and I haven’t begun to pack and my passport is missing and my feet are encased in lead.” I fly once a year at most and haven’t been abroad for at least five years, so I think this dream was intended for someone else. Unless the foreign country is Death, of course. Ha ha! Maybe I should quit reading Batiuk for awhile.

  287. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Legend of the Arctic (#245): Life is an Adventure!

  288. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#285):

    I’d love to see Bats :[ mash-up where she yawns in Technicolor!

  289. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @El Vampiro (#256): maybe we need to petition Pirarro to quit making dynamite sticks that look like tampons.

  290. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#243): Yes, looking at lit matches could help. Or if flames really are too difficult, the artist could could create panels consisting of solid walls of curling gray smoke with thought balloons and dialogue balloons sticking out of them. Amusing, yes, but more accurate than today’s frail wafted colored ribbons.

    Wait, you’ve been in actual burning buildings? More than one?

  291. CanuckDownSouth
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#286): Hey – That’s where my dream went! No wonder my trip home for Christmas was low-packing-angst.

    ; Even managed to fit in a couple of nieces’ *birthday* gifts to wait a few months

  292. bats :[
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#288): I dunno…I honestly don’t think I can make a mess on the table that really rivals then pretty damned gross one Bil’n’Jeff have drawn already.

    (mr. bats :[ and I were at a Coco’s some years back and watched in horror as a pair of women pretty much let the fruit of their loins make a complete toxic waste-dump of their table as they chatted. They left with sappy little “sorry” smiles to the waitstaff…and then stiffed them on the tip! It was fun to hear the staff absolutely shred them, although I once again realized why I Am Not In The Service Industry — I wouldn’t have waited until they’d left.)

  293. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#273): It was because of this site and a MT storyline featuring the semi-adorable young Lucky The Beaver that I set out to find more information about beavers on the Internets and the first thing I learned was to use the Latin name in future searches. And why squirrels get a free pass, I don’t know.

  294. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#291): I actually do feel better now. Huh. Thanks.

  295. Dale
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#257):

    So why is “beaver” a dirty word in the US? True story: a venerable Canadian publication had to change its name ….

    It’s a matter of context. Was that Right or Left venerable?

    HUSTLER had a section labelled Beaver Hunt. I never saw any complaints about that.

  296. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#292): I wonder if they’ll ever be dumb enough to go back.

  297. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#253):(And I was Shocked! to see, not that many years ago, a volume of The Children’s Illustrated Bible that was NOT Volume 1). There was always a Volume 1 in the doctor’s waiting room, which may explain why I know most of the stories in Genesis really well (and the rest of the Bible not so much.)

    I guess it’s hard to get children interested in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Of course, all those battles and massacres in Judges and Kings are pretty awesome.

  298. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#297): Yeah, just about everyone’s favorite part of the various illustrated Bibles were the pictures of Samson’s bringing down the roof of the temple on the heads of the Philistines. Beat the heck out of all those chapters about dietary laws, you bet.

  299. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#290): When the alarm in the building across the street goes off in the middle of the night on a regular basis you can ignore it for a while before you realize it’s actually louder away from the window and towards the hall. You get up, put on enough clothing that you won’t be depending on the building burning to stay warm and head out. You don’t realize how far the thinking brain lies down the hierarchy of human decision making until you find smoke barring your descent of the staircase. I think I went back up two floors before I managed to engage sufficient logic to realize that down was still the way out. It takes the faith of Abraham to force yourself down through the levels that have smoke in order to get out of the building. And then it’s humbling to discover that all that smoke was the result of one person doing something not even unspeakable with an ungrounded toaster, and that only three units were damaged. Fire is powerful stuff. Our reptilian brains know it and tell our bodies to do things without recourse to higher brain functions.

    I’ve never been close enough to the flaming part of the inside of a burning building to see the flames; all I was trying to say is a) that that would have to be pretty close, given the obscuring power of smoke and b) people know what fire looks like.

  300. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#290): And panels of swirling smoke with occasional dimly visible limbs and dialogue bubbles coming out of them would be awesome!

  301. debussy fields
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    FC– “In fact, I just shit my pants. And I don’t even care!”

  302. Leviticus Deuteronomy
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#297): No one takes me seriously these days.

  303. Morgan Wick
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    The Keane kids have overthrown their parents’ tyrrany? A rerun of what might be the first Herb and Jamaal strip Josh ever snarked? This can only mean one thing: it’s the last Comics Curmudgeon ever! Heck, we just found out Pluggers knows what Redbox is, which is surely a sign of the impending belated Mayan apocalypse.

  304. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#295): Is pornography a left/right issue? I’m trying to decide who would be traditionally pro and who com. For the right wing it’s a business, and absence of government control, but some religions say its evil, think of the children. And on the left it’s religion-free government policy, freedom of self-expression, promotes literacy (if you read the articles) but might be exploitation.

    I think a ninety-year old porn magazine might earn some veneration from any quarter, but The Beaver (now Canada’s History) is a history magazine, originally founded by the Hudson’s Bay Company, which got its start as a fur trader.

    //Fur Traders, one of my clients once told me, is to be the sequel to Brokeback Mountain.

  305. tallyHO
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#259):
    I think I got Wee Wisdom magazine.

    Now you’re just making stuff up.

    I’m pretty sure we got some of the prominent kids’ mags at the school.
    Ah, the adventures and mis-adventures of “Goofus and Gallant”, two young lads who wore their names like crosses. “Ranger Rick” –who knew a raccoon could teach us all so much about…well, I forget.

    Ah, yes. I fondly recall many a recess sitting around the playground, sipping orange drink and reading the latest Algonquin Merry-Go Round and the quarterly periodical The Kickball Review!

    It was a time when those two journals, and so many other great magazines, with the Seek-A-Words and the Spot the Difference brain twisters, also contained so much great poesy and prose!

    Why I do believe each in its own way prepared me for the rest of my life: making fun of Slylock Fox.

    How about that Weirdly? He’s a metaphysical card, ain’t he though?

  306. Uncle Lumpy
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#299):

    … one person doing something not even unspeakable with an ungrounded toaster …

    Hmpf. All the unspeakable things you can do with an ungrounded toaster, and they waste their time on that. I’ll be in my bunk.

  307. Vince M
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#122): Yeah, I got a real waiting-room flashback there…but it also has a real “My Weekly Reader” thing going on!

  308. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Beavers, and “beaver” in a nutshell, sort of.

  309. mary_worthless
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    re: Zits.
    Josh, say all you want about H&J….
    ZITS has run that same gag about the girl not having a “cute” social security number before, too. I can’t really remember how long ago it was, but it HAS BEEN DONE..
    They are SO busted!!

  310. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#303): I understand it’s a thing these days. The parents who haven’t been sold on the concept that their children need constant instruction and supervision until they are eighteen sleep in, while the kids get up and pour their own cereal and juice, then watch cartoons on TV. That way the kids get a sense of independence and some self-directed problem solving ability which helps them compete later in the job market against the kids who have had every waking moment scheduled with ballet/tennis/swimming/art/violin classes. Both groups still have to bring themselves to talk to the strangers at the job interview, though.

  311. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#305): I checked. Wee Wisdom was published from 1894-1991, a period that does intersect my childhood. It was also apparently a publication of the Christian Unity Church. Whatever religious indoctrination it carried must have been more insidious than the military one, because I don’t remember any of it.

  312. Leviticus Deuteronomy
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#297): You should see the illustrated version of a buddy of mine, Song O’Solomon. (Chinese/Irish)

    Oddly enough, there is no beaver in the Bible.

  313. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#299): Wow. I admire your reptilian brain for doing as well as it did. In the middle of the night, in similar circumstances, I’m not at all sure what mine would come up with.

    I suppose that managing to damage three units with one ungrounded toaster is a minor achievement of sorts.

  314. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#284):

    Hey, I live in Oregon, the Beaver state. I feel your pain. Not quite as much as alumnae of Beaverton High School or Oregon State University perhaps, but it’s a serious matter nonetheless. I cringe the suggestion that former Playboy Playmate of the Year Sara Jean Underwood, an Oregon State grad, be proclaimed the official Oregon State Beaver.

    I wish you the best of luck with your “eagle” campaign.

  315. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#308): Awesome link. Bookmarked. The part from, “Fur-greedy Europeans in long canoes thrust into the virgin interior of the North American continent…” up to the picture of the sorts of hats (the ‘Continental’ is the most yonic) is pretty much exactly what I got in school. I was going to mention castor gras and sec earlier, but I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me.

  316. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#297): I have the rare Little Golden Book that shows Samson collecting the foreskin of the Philistines.

  317. gnome de blog
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#293):
    It’s a little-known fact that after escaping from Lost Forest Lucky the Beaver got a job as the mascot for our local minor league baseball team, the Portland Beavers (what else?). Unfortunately, after a couple of seasons the City Fathers unceremoniously dumped the Beavers (who had been a civic fixture since 1903) in favor of Major [sic] League Soccer (major league soccer is played in Europe and South America). The baseball team was force to slink away to Escondido, California, not only depriving Lucky of a job but Portland of its title as the largest bush-league town in the U.S.

    I guess now we’re the largest jerkwater etc., etc.

  318. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#160): puppy pimpin’ aint easy.

  319. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#308): Very impressive. I’ll have to return and read more later, because my brain kind of quit working after the part about mouse-skin merkins.

  320. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

  321. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#317): Alas, poor Lucky…

  322. Droopy Says
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Is there any chance that when Phantom rescues Lion #5, it will turn out she’s the recaptured Lion #4 and holds a grudge?

  323. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#257): There was a US college in Pennsylvania that had to change its name for the same reason. I believe they were a women’s school, too.

  324. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#297): They’ve stopped putting those Bibles in the kids’ waiting rooms. They heard Joshua judges Ruth, and they’re just not into that kind of narrow-mindedness.

  325. SurrealKangaroo
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    Dolly looks drunk.

  326. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @The Doctor (#249): “Cast in the name of God, ye not guilty!”

  327. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Beavers are bad news.

  328. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

  329. Leviticus Deuteronomy
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#316): If you rub the book does it get bigger?

  330. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#327): Rabies is bad news. And do Americans really call beaver lodges “huts,” or just the guy in the article?

  331. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#328): I would watch the f#$% out of that.

  332. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#324): They heard Joshua judges Ruth, and they’re just not into that kind of narrow-mindedness.

    Pshaw! That’s one of Lyle Lovett’s best albums.

  333. tallyHO
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#311):

    Oh. I didn’t mean to make you doubt your memories.

    The thing is: I am unfamiliar with that one. For too many reasons, that’s the way it goes, right?

    From the sound of it, it may be for the best that you do not recall much about the magazine.

    Y’know, kids magazines are a tough racket. For any of them to have staying power for decades is an accomplishment. For the ones still around, more power to them. Kids should read and have some idea of current events and hot issues. I hate to think that they are more aware of crap information in the world than the stuff which knowing about will help them later in life.

  334. Mr. O'Malley
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#308): That page mentions that beaver was also a term for a beard, but neglects to mention that there was a game called Beaver popular in the 1920s and 1930s, when young men favored the clean-shaven trench warfare look, and only old men wore beards. The game involved scoring points by being the first one to shout “beaver!” when a bearded individual hove into view. It’s mentioned in novels and films from the period.

    I believe the usage may have transferred to other things that some people might want to look for. However, there is not sufficient evidence to support any of the proposed theories.

  335. tallyHO
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#323):

    And yet South Carolina still has its Gamecocks.

    //seriously though, while I’m no animal right activist the idea that a school’s mascot fights to the death seems inappropriate if a lower level animal is involved. Spartans: sure. Warriors: okay. Runnin’ Rebels: if you wish. Pugilists: would possibly make it to the top of the list. Barroom Brawlers: I wouldn’t pick a fight with that name. But, chickens that fight: whatever.

  336. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    I know that Poteet likes cuttlefish. I’m not sure if she likes cuttlefish monstergirls trying to infiltrate human society, but the image is amazing enough that I wish to share it.

  337. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#332): I only steal from the best.

  338. Mr. O'Malley
    January 28th, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#334): I say there is not sufficient evidence on the basis of a discussion by some linguistics professionals who came to that conclusion. Such usages do not normally appear in print and so it can be very difficult to document their development.

  339. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#333): I remember a March cover with a lion and a lamb on it. I understood the “in like a lion out like a lamb” reference but the “lion shall lie down with the lamb” aspect was lost on me. That cover is memorable because I was briefly confused when March came around the next year and the cover was different. And then I grasped that time was a spiral and not a circle, so even though March came back every year it was not the same March. And–what is this? Excuse me while I escape from the Russian novel I seem to have fallen into.

  340. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#335): Mrs Pastor and I teach at a small Catholic college, as I think I’ve mentioned before. It was founded by the Congregation of St. Agnes: nuns. Their mascot is the Crusaders, but I keep hoping that one day we’ll rally behind the Fighting Sisters.

    And before you ask, yes, the Sisters of St. Agnes could kick your ass, while a smile on their face.

  341. Droopy Says
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#334): Another good one is “Screw!” 1920s, it meant “to go away, fast.” Which sounds funny now in movies like “Broadway Melody,” where Bessie Love issues that command to a bellhop.

  342. 3oddnames
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#130):

    Chaps are by definition “assless”. The expression should be “assed” chaps, which would be pants.

  343. tallyHO
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @3oddnames (#342):

    For most chaps with large asses, assed chaps would only benefit everyone else.

    Hip, hip to slacks!
    Hip, hip to slacks!

  344. tallyHO
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#340):

    Sometimes I regret writing stuff here.

    Nuns with nunchucks.

    //now I’m afraid to look….i so want to believe i thought of it first.
    and i’m afraid to find out the result if i did not think of it first.
    my idea is funny….

  345. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    Here is a copy of Children’s Activities magazine from November 1952. At that time the magazine’s Circulation Manager was an up-and-coming young man with ambitions of branching out on his own in the publishing field, a fellow named Hugh Hefner.

  346. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#334): We are so playing that game in Mark Trail now.

  347. Peanut Gallery
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#161): Yes! It spices up even the most boring strips.

  348. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#337): we’re on the train to Bangkok, aboard the Thailand Express . . .

  349. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#344): Sometimes I regret writing stuff here.

    That’s why some of us use noms de plume. My name, in fact, is not Nehemiah Scudder. Shocking, I know, but you deserve to hear the truth. (I am, actually, the rightful Duke of Bridgewater.)

    Perhaps, Mr. HO, you should consider such a device.

    // I have heard rumors that the Right Venerable Pasdordan is, in real life, the revenant of the late atheist luminary, Christopher Hitchens. Or Albert Camus. One of those guys.

  350. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#318): That puppy has swagger!

    @seismic-2 (#327): I remember that run of beaver attacks. Not being a victim myself, and being basically a heartless person, I found the mental images damned funny.

  351. Peanut Gallery
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#266): I am still steamed about that name change! “Arcadia University”: Boring. “Beaver College”: Adorable! Just picture all those little beavers building dorms and lecture halls out of sticks and mud! Teaching advanced classes in civil engineering!

    And while we’re at it, let’s not forget Gazongas University.

  352. Sgt. Stoned
    January 28th, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: You’re sweating because…you’re having a heart attack?

  353. Girl Reporter
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    The University of Georgia gives an annual Sandy Beaver Award for Excellence in Teaching. I’m guessing it’s awarded to particularly abrasive teachers who are really, really hard on their students.

  354. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#351): I attended Gonzaga my first two years of college. Its claim to fame? Bing Crosby and upstart basketball teams.

  355. Liam
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    FC-”You know what would be cool if there was a meal between breakfast and lunch. You could call it leakfast or brunch.”

    FC 2-Hitting the bottle early eh, Dolly?

    A3G-Greg causes the ax head to become the same color as the door.

    A3G 2-The heavy thick blue and orange and white smoke. This is no natural fire. This is a fire set by hippies.

    MT-You know who else would love to see that? Rusty. Speaking of which where is he. I hope he hasn’t been killed by those giant beavers.

  356. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @3oddnames (#342): Convention has it when speaking of fetishwear, they’re “assless chaps.” Now, if we were talking about cowboys, that’d be a different story. Pilgrim.

    Thanks for the info.

  357. Beavito Leaver
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    As a lad my mates and I would engage in a sport called “beaver shooting.” Others referred to it as “beaver spotting.” Either way we would sit under a stairwell and look up as the young ladies would progress up the stairs. We would be gazing with the hope of catching said young ladies with quite the lack of underwear and often that would be the case. When we spied a patch of non-nylon we would point and titter. We rarely had a titter-free expedition. Beaver was plentiful in those days.

  358. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#349): Camus, please. I despise Christopher Hitchens. Besides, if I were Hitch, I’d be dead.

    I concede that is not actually a barrier to posting here.

  359. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#344): Well, almost. Sadly, it looks like they’ve been discontinued.

  360. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Wikipedia lists ten colleges and universities in the USA whose athletic teams are known as the “Beavers“. It lists none that are known as the Phallostethus cuulongs. I think that would make a more formidable mascot costume.

  361. Baka Gaijin
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#248): What’s the urban legend? The vending machine or the salarymen using it? I’ve seen one in Akihabara. Being in Nerd Central, I can understand that few salarymen would be its audience.

    @tallyHO (#335): Even better: at the campus bookstore you can get t-shirts and caps that say, “Go Cocks!”

  362. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    MW — @wossname (#29): I sympathize with your MW hope. Mine is that Jeff will suddenly appear, raging with long-suppressed jealousy and holding a newly-acquired gun, and blow the cake to oblivion.

  363. tallyHO
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#349):

    I’ve probably expressed it before but my Uncle Gung told me to dive right into things.

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#359):

    hmmm. so, Nuns with Nunchucks are up for grabs…unless they are in a swinging mood and want to rap some knuckles?

    @Baka Gaijin (#361):

    Well, fighting cocks. That’s a different story all together.
    I could get behind fighting cocks. Way behind them. So far behind them that I wouldn’t be in the same state.

  364. Poteet
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#336): Um. Yep, that’s amazing. I prefer the ethereal beauty of real cuttlefish. But I’d definitely take those monstergirls over the Burbers.

  365. tallyHO
    January 28th, 2013 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#362):

    Oh God!
    If he’s gonna do that then he has to pop out of someone else’s cake first!

    I’ve long been a proponent of this storyline featuring muuuuuUUUrrrRRRder.

    Twice now, (twice!) John Dill(inger) has brought up death, somehow someway.

    This is like a cake that is filled with puddin’ and topped with lots of frosting:
    it’s too rich!

    Go, Jeff, go!

  366. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else remember when Citgo Petroleum Corporation used a
    BEAVER for its mascot?

    http://www.comiccollectorlive.com/LiveData/Issue.aspx?id=ed3708a5-93a9-46ed-9f3f-57d6a3640928

  367. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#360): We live near Beaver Dam, Wisconsin. You may take that any way you like.

  368. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#355): “Second Breakfast” followed by “elevenses”.

    Hobbits know their food.

  369. Sequitur
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    So, I’m out all day working hard, get home and thought I’d relax with a bit of the humor of the CC. But what do I get? Just a bunch of tampons and beaver! Why it’s enough to make you want to pull a Ripleys!

    WARREN HOUGHTON lost his wallet in New Hampshire in the 1940s, and it was returned to his home in Michigan in 2012!

    It still had his condom in it.

    He used it later that night.

  370. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

  371. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#350): yes it does!

    Salukis are a gorgeous breed of dog. I saw one once that its owner claimed was from the bloodline of the royal kennels of Saudi Arabia. Said dog carried itself like it knew it. *proud*

  372. I speak Jive
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#195): Re: FW – This is just like the Gay Prom Story – Batiuk never bothered to give the couple names.

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#208): I remember Jack and Jill magazine. I can still recall several stories – one about the first Thanksgiving (they served popcorn!) and one about a girl in Normandy who rescued a sailor from an accident. He sent her a conch shell to thank her.

    Why can I remember stories and books I read fifty years ago, but can’t remember some comics from the time I read them in the morning until I read the comments here?

  373. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#369): no relation.

  374. Mr. O’Malley
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#339): I remember one from National Lampoon like that.

  375. Sequitur
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

  376. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#360): My school had an intramural team called the “Streakers.” They didn’t have a mascot.

  377. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#374): And speaking of the National Lampoon

    Yes, I’m ashamed.

  378. Sequitur
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#376): And what sport did the “Streakers” play? Was it word games with dangling participles?

  379. seismic-2
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#371): And they make a fine mascot, too. Lots better than the Beavers.

  380. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#374): Oh man, I hope it was the same year.

  381. Aviatrix
    January 28th, 2013 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#378): It was an elementary school. There were sack races and a competition involving eggs and spoons.

  382. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#360): Wikipedia lists ten colleges and universities in the USA whose athletic teams are known as the “Beavers”. It lists none that are known as the Phallostethus cuulongs. I think that would make a more formidable mascot costume.

    I can’t believe you haven’t heard of the legendary* Princess Octavia and her
    Fighting Phallos
    :

    http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p13/NBerlatsky/footballwcigar.jpg

    *Legendary because she invented the “T” shirt!

  383. Sequitur
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:02 am [Reply]

  384. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#231): I would collaborate with you on that project. Most of my frustration with McE and his comics is when he gets in his own way.

    //I have to admit I did laugh at Edda-the-suddenly-self-conscious-dinosaur in 9CL today, for example.

  385. Aviatrix
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#383): That link wasn’t anything near as bad as what I was expecting. But I still clicked it.

  386. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @The Doctor (#249): If ya really want to waste some time, now you can go back and read the comics. ;)

    (Unless you already did, in which case I must bow in admiring amazement before you.)

  387. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#386): Read the comments. Yes, ladies and germs, I do this for a living. (A gal’s got to have some down time, right?)

  388. Joe Btfsplk
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal – I’ve asked this before about other strips, and I apologize if I missed the answer… When strips just flat-out reuse material like this, do the “artists” get paid for it a second time, the same as if they had actually done some sort of work? I mean, this is just the exact same image with a different date on it.

  389. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#308): I think it says something about me (what, precisely, I’ll leave up to the rest of you) that I read through that whole thing, unfazed by practically everything except one thing: the use of “vagina” in a sentence where “vulva” should have been used. Not the same thing, people, not the same thing. It’s like calling a nose a nostril.

    I mean, a vagina with hair would be a really disturbing thing.

  390. Sequitur
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#385): Yet you clicked anyway.

    ~~Penn Gillette voice

    YOU FOOL!

  391. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#364): Cuttlefish are wonderful. I remember observing one in an aquarium at feeding time. It accidentally grabbed the stick its keeper was using to serve it morsels of food with, and in the ensuing panic (consisting of the keeper very gently trying to shake it loose while the cuttlefish freaked out) it turned a bunch of different patterns, flashed spots, and raised and lowered bumps in its skin. It was quite impressive.

  392. Joe Btfsplk
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – We should get a pool going for when we’ll see the first sack of money with a dollar sign printed on it. I’m in for Saturday.

  393. Aviatrix
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#389): A lot of people miss teaching their kids those anatomical details while they’re busy getting all the names of the toes and fingers straight. Remember the old body parts song “Head and Shoulders”? Time to write a new verse.

  394. Droopy Says
    January 29th, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick Now we know why Parker takes so many naps: he’s following the example set by his Spider sense. (Think he’ll debate protecting his secret identity versus saving his ass?)

    Flunky: No, anonymous blonde, you didn’t set some kind of world record. But it’s nice to know that somebody in this strip cares about something, even if it isn’t any of the people they know.

    Family Circus: “–so go eat PJ, too!”

    Pluggers: Jay Leno. He took over from Johnny Carson. Or is Carson too recent of a Tonight Show host for Pluggers to recognize him?

    Mock Travail: Trail, save time, go to the neatrest fish market and ask if a man with facial hair has bought any fresh bass today.

    Phantom: Of course it ends here. If the plotters make it to Lion #6, Walker will have to count the animals with both hands.

  395. Aviatrix
    January 29th, 2013 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    MW: I can’t believe I said they’d have the cake on the judging table by March. It’s going to take until February just to get out of the car.

    MT: The fishing contest is judged partly on the quantity and size of bass caught, but the real challenge is in how well they are carried from the boat to the judging table.

  396. Dale
    January 29th, 2013 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL didn’t accuse Rod of being a cheater. He just asked if Rod would like to admit to being a cheater.

    Tomorrow -

    Nice to meet you Mr. Catfish. May I call you “Stinkbait”?
    Does you partner, Rod, cheat?

    Rusty. Search for cigar butts. The kind Mr. Bassy smokes. I know I can construct a solid chain of evidence of something.

  397. Aviatrix
    January 29th, 2013 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#396): Here’s how it goes down. Catfish raises bass in a fattening tank, until they are more enormous than any wild bass, then puts them in a cage and scubas them out through an underground/underwater passage (the construction and maintenance of which is concealed by a fake beaver dam, manned by giant animatronic beavers) and thence to Bassy’s hook. Everyone may be using THE ROD BASSY BASS KILLER lure, but Rod’s has a special marking on it so Catfish can identify the right one. Rusty will be sent into town to buy bait and will report back to Mark on how much bait Catfish was buying (for his fish fattening operation). Mark will think this is odd, because the ROD BASSY BASS KILLER lure doesn’t use bait, but Mark will do nothing about it. Kelly turn up looking for the same story. She will flirt with Rod and accidentally end up with the specially-marked lure and the fish she catches will be so big that Mark will have to rescue her, and then he will find out the truth and there will be punching.

  398. Baka Gaijin
    January 29th, 2013 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s Strips

    OMG! Ruthie just totally pwned Miss Avis. BURN!!!

    I’m not sure what’s going on in Arlo and Janis. All I can surmise is someone’s getting a midnight rim job.

    I’m usually against domestic terrorism but I could totally forgive PETA if they firebombed the Dill-Worth car. That cover story is that they use butter that’s taken from cows in a non-ethical manner. The smug false sense of tension is just grating on my nerves.

    Two days running, Dennis the Menace is doing his best to get onto the short yellow school bus that Dolly Keane rides.

  399. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 29th, 2013 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#393): Part of my brain is trying to come up with an appropriate verse; the rest of the brain is sticking its fingers in its ears and singing “La la la la” over and over.

  400. Aviatrix
    January 29th, 2013 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#399): I was hoping you could work frenulum and glans in there somewhere, too.

  401. Mad Carew
    January 29th, 2013 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    Oh, Josh. So close to the truth and still capable of being shocked. That’s Bil’s jawbone balancing on Jeffy’s knee.

  402. Mad Carew
    January 29th, 2013 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    @Mad Carew (#401): Soylent Keane is people.

  403. Da Coconino Kid
    January 29th, 2013 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#266):

    //made my very first (intentional) double entendre in 2012!

    Before that, you’d made nun?

  404. gleeb
    January 29th, 2013 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Ed is an unsufferable misanthrope, and it’s funny!

    ‘bean: Sure, that look on Durwood’s face sure says suffering and not “having to wait in line at the Post Office”.

    H&L: Look, Hi, it’s too much of a pain to lug the Box O’ Beer to another location.

    Abbey Spencer, critical cook!: Their budget won’t stretch to a kitchen timer, or even a clock, so she has to subject the spaghetti to testing by feel.

  405. Comcis Fan
    January 29th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    FC breakfast scene: P.J. is definitely pooping. He’s got that pooping, startled, 100-yard-stare-free-frame pose.

  406. Comcis Fan
    January 29th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    freeze-frame

  407. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 29th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#406): freeze-frame!

    Does she walk? Does she talk?
    Does she come complete?
    My homeroom homeroom angel
    Always pulled me from my seat!

  408. Antiquated Tory
    January 29th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    You know, I live only a few blocks form one of the U.S.’s most competitive universities and see smart, upscale young students going to the store or to restaurants in their pajamas pretty much daily…

    Here in Europe, this is pretty much diagnostic of American university students. It’s even more specific if the young person is a girl and she’s wearing carefully applied makeup with her pj’s.

  409. Anonymous
    January 31st, 2013 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    OK, that made me LOL. “stone cold rubbing his ass on the table”

    May I have a second helping please!

  410. site
    August 27th, 2013 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Yes! Finally someone writes about warehouse
    hobbies enforcer.

Comments are closed for this post.