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Let’s give him some big hands!

Gil Thorp, 8/8/08

If there was a terrifying malformed human feature that defined the Frank McLaughlin era of Gil Thorp, it was the hair. The Rod Whigham era has just begun, but it’s pretty clear that in the new regime, it’s the hands that are most likely to make you feel queasy and uncomfortable. Whether we’re talking about malformed flippers or severed forearms attached to nothing particular, from the elbow down everything in the modern-day Gil Thorp is a little dodgy. Today’s panel three seems to be a direct response to criticism on this point. “You want well-drawn hands?” it practically shouts. “Well, here they are, by God, straight out of an anatomy textbook, disproportionally huge, and held up at an angle that nobody would ever actually use when clapping. Are you happy? Are you happy now?

Hagar the Horrible, 8/8/08

That sly look on Helga’s face in panel two makes me think that “rock-a-bye, baby, in the tree top” is some incredibly filthy Viking sex act, possibly involving an actual tree and the sacrifice of a dozen virgins to Freya.

Mary Worth, 8/8/08

Hey, everybody! You can follow along with Toby’s amazing phishing journey at the newly updated Enormoushop.com! Be sure to give it a few moments so as to get the full-on identity-stealing experience. (UPDATE: And by “give it a few moments” I mean “wait about 10 seconds for the redirect, then wait again for another redirect, all three screens are funny, you won’t regret it.”)

Shoe, 8/8/08

Sexual affairs? I’m much more concerned about the emotional affairs. What with all the suppressed longing and daydreaming, the ostensibly “platonic” outings crackling with sexual tension, the long, tortured e-mails about why anything more is impossible — why, it doesn’t leave any time for the important work of the elected official, like meeting with lobbyists and raising money for re-election.

I’ve long been on the record as opposing Shoe’s depiction of birds with human-lady-style breasts, since actual birds do not have such things and they look creepy and weird. Well, do you know what else birds don’t have? Teeth. You hear me, panel three? Teeth.

Marmaduke, 8/8/08

With the back yard now essentially one vast mass grave, Marmaduke has begun storing the decomposing bodies of his victims in the house.

Ziggy, 8/8/08

Ha ha! Those angry little birds are going to feast on Ziggy’s flesh!

285 responses to “Let’s give him some big hands!”

  1. Joe, Upper-Evergreen FOOB-Hater
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    FOOB:………………aaaaaaaaaaand the wedding form hell continues……

  2. Uncle Lumpy
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Whew — welcome back, Josh!

    Hey, when you have a spare moment, I got some stuff I want you to bless.

  3. Jana C.H.
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Saith Liz in FOOB: “You’re making this day the most amazing day of my life.”

    Which means it’s all downhill from here, right?

    Jana C.H.
    Seattle
    Saith Sophocles: Let no one think the worst is over until he is dead.

  4. Batman Beatles
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Her bridesmaids forgot how she told them “It’s payback dudes!”

  5. PattyCake
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    That first word should be “If”. I only mention this to Josh because he has the same OCD that I had, and I want it back.

  6. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    This whole business is not dissimilar to how Toby fell for Ian’s own phisting scam not long after they first met.

  7. survivor
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    I just tried clapping with my thumbs turned sideways.

    Elmer must have received very muffled applause.

  8. Yaanu
    August 8th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Amazing Enormousite, Josh. If I ever need to have a fake website set up in an attempt at viral marketing, I’ll try to remember you after 42 Entertainment rejects my application.

    As for FOOB, I do hope that something bad goes down that ultimately ruins the wedding. Maybe now would be a good time for Lynn to sally forth into the foray of political comics.

  9. gh
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Josh proves definitively that he is not, in fact, Generalissimo Francisco Franco.

  10. TheCasey
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    I just clapped like that for the new enormoushop.com. Someone is teh awesome!

  11. CortJstr
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Now that you’ve made me imagine Haggar perform some filthy sex act called “rock-a-bye, baby” I’ve created a mental picture that involves their helmets. And there’s no way for me to unimagine it.

    As for Marmaduke, if that were my bed I’d be more concerned with the thin film of dog saliva no doubt coating each of those bones. Slowly soaking into my sheets and mattress. Because nothing says “sleepytime” like the aroma and cold touch of old dog drool.

  12. your father isn't mr. cohen
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Enormoushop.com might be my favorite website after this one. I want to buy it a drink and whisper in its ear.

  13. PeteMoss
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Oh, geez I love that enormoushop site! Who knew Toby was a Santa Royale Crip!

  14. Red Greenback
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    The Morgan’s Vacation: I don’t think a $4000 caribbean cruise will be anything like this, but I would liove for the outcome to be the same.
    Ps-Wow Josh, I was about ready to break out the Ouija board!

  15. D.A. Pennington
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB: Notice that all the bride’s maids are all ganged up behind Liz, as to push her down the aisle toward the alter of Doom.

    “It’s our day too.” comment is no accident.

    Think about it. Blanthony is a desperate guy. Therese walked out on the milk-sob, Liz was busy galavanting around with Chips up at MittRomneynattavpcandiate. What was Blanthony to do?

    Hit on all the other women in the FOOBverse. Believe me, when Liz said, “Yes.” All her lady friends, most of whom where hit on mercessly, breathed a massive sigh of relief. The least they can do is show her down the aisle and hold a gun to her head muttering, “Say it! Say it . . . Say I do!”

    Once the vows are exchanged, the local priest will fork over a set of keys to the brides maids and they can wipe the Blanthony slobber off their chastity belts and unlock them.

    Except April, who is like, totally “roadside”.

  16. D.A. Pennington
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB: Notice that all the bride’s maids are all ganged up behind Liz, as to push her down the aisle toward the alter of Doom.

    “It’s our day too.” comment is no accident.

    Think about it. Blanthony is a desperate guy. Therese walked out on the milk-sob, Liz was busy galavanting around with Chips up at MittRomneynattavpcandiate. What was Blanthony to do?

    Hit on all the other women in the FOOBverse. Believe me, when Liz said, “Yes.” All her lady friends, most of whom where hit on mercessly, breathed a massive sigh of relief. The least they can do is show her down the aisle and hold a gun to her head muttering, “Say it! Say it . . . Say I do!”

    Once the vows are exchanged, the local priest will fork over a set of keys to the brides maids and they can wipe the Blanthony slobber off their chastity belts and unlock them.

    Except April, who is like, totally “roadside”.

  17. Josh
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    #5 PattyCake — Fixed it! Thanks!

    #8 Yaanu — Enormoushop is not my work! I only report its awesomeness, enthusiastically.

    Josh

  18. Brick Bradford
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    The creator of Enormoushop is a great anonymous benefactor–kind of like the Lone Ranger of Snarkland.

  19. LTBF
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    I found Shoe interesting because right before coming here and reading the strip, i saw on TV that John Edwards admitted to having an affair.

  20. Uncle Lumpy
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke — Dottie put those bones there herself. But Phil misses the message, along with the devastation and loss in his wife’s face. He looks only at the ground for the fetid, steaming keepsakes his animal master grants him.

    Hey, I’m starting to like this strip! It’s got a kind of Funky Winkerbean vibe to it!

  21. WarOfTheBees
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Mrs. Marmaduke, based on the amount of remains in your bed, it’s obviously a warning. I would advise strongly against awakening thatl hound.

  22. WarOfTheBees
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Mrs. Marmaduke, based on the amount of remains in your bed, it’s obviously a warning. I would advise strongly against awakening that hell hound.

  23. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    You know wht you could probably get away with saying in the funny pages? “Cloacal kiss“. Let’s see them fit that one into Shoe. And it would be anatomically correct.

    Once we conquer Shoe we can move on to Pluggers.

    (I’ve just discovered Cloacal Kiss is the name of a band, too. So maybe Ces can work that into Sally Forth.)

  24. gh
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Josh –

    Re: Enormoushop.com

    Pleeeease make sure people understand they need to wait 10-15 seconds for the automatic re-direct. I saw the same page as before — thought it was THE update — and almost left before the fun began. And when it did I laughed so hard I could barely see the screen. Folks, keep clicking links till you can’t click no mo’.

  25. PeteMoss
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Mr. and Mrs Hitler have been boned again!

  26. Vakar
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    18: Who was that masked web developer?

    Josh, we prefer you alive, though your death yesterday was a lot of fun. Just… don’t do it again!

  27. ar_d
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Since Toby’s head is out of frame, it looks like the thought balloon is actually coming from the narration box, which is completely mind-boggling.

    I think Ziggy must live in New York City, home of cute, flesh-eating birdies. When I lived there I witnessed a pigeon and a sparrow having a tug-of-war over a discarded fried chicken leg :P

    Wow, today’s Marmaduke reminds me of that scene with the horse’s head in The Godfather. His owner may be Hitler, but it looks like he does hits for the mafia on the side.

  28. benro
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    #24 – Thanks for pointing that out. I had opened the link in a new tab while I was reading Josh’s comments, so the redirection had already happened by the time I switched to it. The redirection page was perhaps the best part of the joke.

  29. Perky Bird
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    That Ziggy disturbs me greatly. I can’t think of many birds you’d find in a park-like setting (pigeons, sparrows, mallards, starlings) that eat “red meat”. Insects, sure, but feasting on raw, bloodied flesh, not so much. Now I’m frightened that the birds I feed in my yard will start snubbing the sunflower hearts and start demanding real hearts!

  30. Calico
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Oh My God, it’s those stereotypical Praying Hands!

  31. Donald The Anarchist
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    HTH “Rock me gently, rock me slowly, take it easy, don’t you know, that I have never known love like this before?”

    GT It doesn’t matter if you’re an unregistered foreign national or a forty-year-old has been. Baseball provides opportunities for everyone! Well, everyone who’s good at baseball.

    MW For someone married to a pedantic professor, Toby sure needs a lesson in avoiding redundancy. “Reregister for this site again”, indeed!

    Marmaduke Those aren’t bones; they’re sex toys. The Missus is using the dog as a scapegoat again. Or maybe the Mister…

    Ziggy The bird said red meat. Ironically, Ziggy’s pale, flaccid flesh will save him.

  32. CortJstr
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Since Ziggy generally walks around without pants on he should be worried that the birds might start looking for a worm. Seeing as his knees are firmly clamped together maybe he’s already learned this lesson the hard difficult way.

  33. teenchy
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    re GT: I just thought those were a bad clip art version of Albrecht Dürer’s Praying Hands.

  34. LTBF
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    As a guy in Hagar’s age range, I like people knowing that we still like to get it on. I enjoyed the cartoon.

    But seeing the same strip with John and Elly Patterson would make me barf.

  35. mir777
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    FOOB Rant…

    Lawrence did the flowers; Jo the photography; Anthony’s uncle the tuxes; Gordon the limos.

    Last I heard it was RUDE to make your friends work the wedding for you.

    I hope they get lousy presents.

  36. Niall
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Josh is still alive, and trying to kill me with laughter

    revised enormoushop.com: NOW DED FROM LAUGHTER

    (i’m blinking tears here and trying not to make too many snorky noises of repressed laughter at work)

  37. odinthor
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    By a strange coincidence, I just happened to run across the original manuscript of John Donne’s famous poem “Death Be Not Proud” in an old box supplied to me recently by the mystic man of the east in Apt. 3-G. Meddling editors over the centuries have obviously perverted the poem from Donne’s original message, which I reproduce below:

    Death be not proud. Yes, Josh has found some ‘toons
    So mighty dreadful, for some are quite so,
    And those we hope to funny be, are no.
    Some comix poor die not—for countless moons
    Air barren jests, and sham hilarity;
    More pleasure e’en from Death, much more must flow,
    And soonest our best hopes with thee do go
    To spare us through our own mortality.
    Cartoons are slaves to haste, poor thought, poor pen,
    And do with repetitious triteness dwell;
    But poppy’s charms can make us sleep as well—
    Sleep’s better than their strokes. Why swell’st thou then?
    Bad cartoons read, we snore eternally,
    And death shall be no more: Death, thou shalt die.

  38. Mac
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    I think Ziggy’s hat is more disturbing to me than anything. No pants, but a hat. I always figured that if Ziggy was going to wear any sort of headgear it would be a tinfoil cap.

  39. Cranky
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Josh lives!

    If there’s one running thread on this blog that always works, it’s the idea that Marmaduke kills and eats people. The idea that Marmaduke’s owner is Hitler works most of the time, but by God, that dog kills and eats people.

  40. Schorsch
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Re: Political romances:

    Obama’s getting some flack for his “email relationship” with Scarlet Johanson. As if this would disqualify someone from the Presidency! I’m a very happily married man, and I would give my left nut (“Frederick”) for an email relationship with Ms. Johanson.

  41. Cheese-n-Pear
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G: It’s bad enough that the artists think that Buddhist monks wear their robes over t-shirts, but somewhere, there is a colorist who thinks that is the shade called “saffron”.

    BC:Wow! BC today was topical, slightly political, and didn’t make me cringe! And somehow, I still feel like I miss Johnny Hart. I miss the bat$#!+ crazy. Oh, here’s Mallard Fillmore. OK. My moment of perverse desire is cured.

    Blondie: Bondie, on the other hand, was topical and completely inoffensive. And completely without humor.

    DT: So far Dick Tracy has taught us that construction workers outrank SWAT team members, so I shouldn’t be surprised that the survival of (ugly) dogs takes priority over the survival of (ugly) people.

    Garfield: I was curious enough to Google “Binky the Clown” and discovered that he was a regular on the Garfield and Friends animated series. I also learned that there once was a Garfield and Friends animated series. I think I’m really bored.

    GT: Umm…Huh?

    JP: Hard as I try, I can’t see any way out of this other than Sam asking, “And what do you get if you win?”, leading to a clichéed gay porn scene.

    MT: Oh my! I had read the comments about the line “Get in that opening!”, but wasn’t prepared for the image of the tree trunks and boulders by that triangular cave entrance. The resulting ensemble is so … Freudian!

  42. Uncle Balustrade
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Ziggy’s hat, my first impression was that Ziggy had turned into Chairman Mao. “Red” meat, get it? This is seduction of the innocent, just like the 1950s!

  43. CortJstr
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    41 Cheese-n-Pear, the Garfield & Friends show was actually against all logic pretty good. Somehow he works better in 7-minute cartoons than in 3-panel strips.

    However I now have both Binky the Clown’s birthday song and the Buddy Bears (a Teletubbies/Barney/&c parody) theme song stuck in my head.

  44. Niall
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Bats :[: I helpfully fixed your limerick at the end of yesterthread; but I only improved on the funny that you already put on it, and could never have come up with it myself. (Which is why I left it there and not here.) :)

    23. Bunnë: …is that the origin of the Cooties and Kisses?

    On Gil Thorp, yesterday and today: I wonder what the real Kings have to say about this. I mean, that question (“why shouldn’t we go see real baseball players?”) is one that every farm league manager should be used to and ready to answer in a spit second. Same as any religious figure can explain the basic conundrums children might come up with (I’m looking at you, Curtis). This shows complete lack of research on the cartoonists’ part.

    Ottawa had a AAA league team, the Expos’ farm team (at first). Montreal was 2 hours away. Why should people see the Lynx instead of the “real” Expos? Well, easy: 10-15 minutes instead of 2+ hours travel with small kids; the entire family’s tickets, parking and food for less than the price of a single person at the other stadium; community spirit, in that you have friends sitting nearby – or can make friends with those sitting nearby; actually able to see the players. And meet them after if you want. And hey, every now and then a “real” player comes by (okay, demoted for a probation period, but still). I know all this and I hate baseball! Imagine what an actual sport lover could come up with!

    Instead, we have Sports Glurge. Bleah. But those Prayin’ Hands! They redeem everything!

  45. Shandyowl
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    “GET IN THAT OPENING!” yells Cherry but, as usual, Mark fails to respond.

  46. AsleepOrDead
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: If I were that waitress, I’d seriously consider getting out the mace. That creepy smile just screams “I hope that you didn’t park your car under a street light tonight.”

  47. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Regarding all the comments yesterthread that Dick Tracy should just shoot the dang dogs, I think you’re all missing the point. Dick Tracy doesn’t shoot things. He sends them falling into the path of oncoming bulldozers or ship smokestacks, or throws chairs into the blades of their helicopters, or fries their brains with electronic equipment. Bullets are not Dick Tracy’s style. Can’t you respect that? Someone give the man a thermonuclear device and a sledgehammer, already.

  48. Pozzo
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Evil Spock — you think that by shaving your head, you can blend into our society. Sorry, but the goatee and pointy eyebrows are a dead giveaway.

  49. Violet
    August 8th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    It’s funny, if Hagar were my husband (sigh) and complaining he couldn’t sleep, the very first thing I would suggest is, why don’t you try taking off your steel helmet with enormous horns sprouting from the sides and perhaps you’ll be more comfortable. I guess this is why I am not the stuff viking wives are made of.

  50. Jesse Cline
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Shoe is frighteningly appropriate with John Edwards admitting his affair today….

    Love the redirect site. Hysterical

  51. Calico
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Re: Josh’s Shoe post above: I read it as “Re-erection.”
    Guess all them damn dopey drugs ain’t out of my system quite yet!

    Marmaduke saw a National Geo piece about the tomb of bones (or whatever it’s called) in France, and decided to emulate that particular interior design mode in his Owners’ house.

  52. Wanders
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    MW: Toby’s going to re-register again? She’s fallen for this scam before??

  53. Calico
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Re: Enomoushop.com – love it.
    Jane Horrocks is super-neat too. (AbFab, Little Voice as well)

  54. Uncle Lumpy
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #52 Wanders –

    I’m guessing that Toby entertains herself by registering for things over and over, aglow with the realization that she her actual ownself is operating a computer!

  55. CanuckDownSouth
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    52-Wanders I think she’s supposed to have registered at a real site, not noticed the Phishing sent her to a fake site, so she’s only falling for this scam for the first time.

    But this is Toby, so anything’s possible.

  56. rhymes with puck
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: “She’s going to be fine, but you are going to die before she turns 7! Have a great day!”

    RMMD: No, you retard, she wants to take a cruise on an airplane.

  57. Obélix
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – And I always thought that Elizabeth Windsor was Queen of Canada. Silly me!

  58. CanuckDownSouth
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    That is, to clarify, I think Toby’s misusing “re-register again” instead of “re-register” or “register again”. But I like Uncle Lumpy’s interpretation better.

  59. Lake Eerie
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    #2 Uncle Lumpy:
    If we’re following that line of thinking, his death should have given Josh the excuse to start posting agin in three days.

  60. Colinski
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    LOOK OUT ELMER! MING THE MERCILESS IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

  61. tbell61
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke: If you squint hard enough, you can almost imagine that Dottie has a pretty good bod under that nightgown…fuzzy slippers are a turnoff, though

    Mary Worth: they don’t make em any dumber than this one…no offense to the blondes out there, but Toby is having a blonde moment.

    Hagar: has anyone ever explored why they sleep with their helmets on? Just wondering…

  62. Lake Eerie
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    #60 Me:
    Yes, I meant “agin.” I sometimes like to use the vernacular of Snuffy Smith & my friends at Gasoline Alley.

  63. dimestore lipstick
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Dear enormoushop.com;
    I would like to place an order for one Moy & Giella Signature Collection

    tanktop v-neck scoop-neck boat-neck sleeveless tee-shirt with interlocked hearts design, in purple.

  64. commodorejohn
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    #51 Calico – The “tomb of bones” is simply the Catacombs of Paris, and it’s one of the damn coolest things in all of existence, which I fully intend to muck around in at some point in my life.

  65. PeteMoss
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    I just bought a boat-load of crystal, swans, a new i-phone, and time share in the Keys…all with Toby Cameron’s credit card! Thanks enormoushop!

  66. Colinski
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    What loving detail on those hands in panel three. The artist took so much care he had no more care left when it came to drawing Elmer’s hands, which appears to have been drawn with the artist’s non-dominant hand. Perhaps his regular hand cramped up drawing those beautiful, huge hands.

  67. Perry O
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Man that EnormousShop.com account update page depressed me. I used to read MW when I was a kid (I know, I know, I was a strange kid) and back then Toby was unfathomably old. Now I see that I am older than her. :(

  68. Orange Doorhinge
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    GT: Those hands look more like they are radiating… …something. Pain, perhaps, or magical patriotism? Or some scary SciFi effect (Manos! Hands of FATE!)

  69. Red Greenback
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Dimestore lipstick: Got ya covered

  70. LTBF
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    What would Summer have done if the woman had turned around and said; “Actually, the doctor just told me she was born with a genetic birth defect and will likely die before she is a month old. Go fuck yourself, bitch.”

  71. PeteMoss
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    I live within two hours of two major league baseball teams, but our local minor league team still sets all kinds of attendance records. There’s always a crowd and a good time had by all at every game. I say, “Put your freakish, gigantic hands to together in support of your local minor league team. You should easily catch flyballs without a mit with those monsters, too.”

  72. Calico
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    #64 – Thanks CJ! I remember reading a NG article and seeing these wild photos of skulls upon skulls stacked on top of each other.

    Must look like that in miniature in Mary Worth’s utility closet, eh?

  73. DAS
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    I’ve long been on the record as opposing Shoe’s depiction of birds with human-lady-style breasts, since actual birds do not have such things and they look creepy and weird.

    Funny you mention this. I was just thinking about a related issue today — why do we refer to it as “breast meat” and not “chest meat” … even though the latter is more anatomically correct? Indeed, given our general tendency to euphemize the other way, one would imagine actual mammal breast meat would be called “chest meat”.

    Is it that we think of “breasts” as yummier and more worthy of eating than “chests”? What’s the deal here?

  74. Daily Comics Reviewer
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    With that stylish burlap sac Haggar is always wearing it wouldn’t be so hard to hide some diapers. Rock-a-bye Baby isn’t code for anything, we’re just finding out about his infantilism fetish. Totally normal!

  75. NJR
    August 8th, 2008 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    #63: Don’t forget the magic size-changing feature on that heart design.

  76. Mibbitmaker
    August 8th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Big Furshlugginer Dog: Actually, I don’t think those are Marmaduke’s own victims per se. Almost as ghastly, I think he dug up the Keane kids’ backyard, and is dumping their dead pets’ remains on his owners’ bed. Probably as a warning to never do to him what the bighead children did to all their animals.

    GT: Rubin calls this strip “Ode to Jerry Jenkins, Amen”

    Shoe: Not worth it, footwear. Unless you want to be the victim of a needless impeachment, too. (Or maybe he just wants to lust like 1976 Jimmy Carter, given the joke teeth he’s wearing in his birdie beak)

    H&L: They definately saw today’s Ziggy.

  77. trey le parc
    August 8th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    “Re: Political romances:

    Obama’s getting some flack for his “email relationship” with Scarlet Johanson. As if this would disqualify someone from the Presidency! I’m a very happily married man, and I would give my left nut (”Frederick”) for an email relationship with Ms. Johanson.”

    I affectionately refer to my entire package as “The General” and Scarlett is well aware of where she can find him, restraining order notwithstanding.

    That is all.

  78. SecretMargo
    August 8th, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Enormoushop.com! Yes! Almost as satisfying as that late, lamented re-imagining of Dennis the Menace as rake’s journey…has that been updated lately? Anyway, good on ya, anono-author!

  79. PeterW
    August 8th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    In today’s FBoFW, the unpublished panel six shows Liz ripping the heads off her bridesmaids for daring to suggest the day belongs to anyone other than her, and maybe her mother. For the rest of the month, they will be played by identical twins who look nothing like them.

  80. Lolsworth
    August 8th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Every day, Ziggy becomes more and more howlingly insane. By now it’s not a whimsical comic about a lovable down-on-his-luck amorphous blob, but an oblique, existential screed on the screaming horror of modern life, starring an abomination shaped just enough like a generic human being to suggest the nightmare wrought by conformity to the garish lifestyle on the edge abyss that we all live in, yet of which only Ziggy can percieve the true nature, and from which there is no escape.

  81. SueDoc
    August 8th, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that John Edwards admitted his affair today — I’m sure he was inspired to do so precisely because he read Shoe today.

  82. BigTed
    August 8th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: That’s the way to hold your hands when you want it to look like you’re clapping, without actually making any noise. Obviously, Elmer is surrounded by a crowd of secret racists.

  83. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    August 8th, 2008 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn — I’ve toured the catacombs of Paris. They are cool but remarkably freaky. Not a good place for the claustrophobic or those afraid of row after row of neatly stacked human remains.

    I’ve also been to the sewers — yes, you can visit the sewers. I was thinking Jean Valjean, Phantom of the Opera, tht line from the Tom Waits song Singapore, but the reality is, they smell bad. Skip ‘em and do the catacombs.

  84. Isaac
    August 8th, 2008 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    MW: After Toby deals with phishing, she’ll learn of the dangers of being rickrolled.
    Also, it’s good thing she opened that email first. If she opened the second one she would have surrendered her account to a nice Nigerian businessman.

  85. Harold
    August 8th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    teenchy @ 33, you beat me to it. Here’s an image link to Albrecht Dürer’s Praying Hands:

    http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Duerer-Prayer.jpg

  86. Buck Remus
    August 8th, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    I am intensely dismayed by the hew and heft of Weed’s colorless vinyl slacks in the second panel of FOOB today. Completely. Shapeless. Sweeping. Infinite. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  87. Brick Bradford
    August 8th, 2008 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Did anybody else click the “Not Toby?” at enormoushop? Sends you right back here. It’s a Mudge, people, a Mudge!

  88. david t
    August 8th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: i’m not too worried about toby, so long as she keeps thinking it’s her keyboard she must “click”, phishing attempt or not, it’s unlikely she’ll reach any website whatsoever.

  89. anne
    August 8th, 2008 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    major props to whoever did enormousshop.com! it’s fucking fantastic!

  90. anne
    August 8th, 2008 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    87. brick — of course it’s a mudge! who else would it be?

    god if there was someone out there who was THAT obsessed with cartoons, and NOT a mudge — now that would just be sad.

  91. Muffaroo-who-walks
    August 8th, 2008 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    I’m on a family vacation, and only had a chance to quickly browse today’s comments. Apologies as usual if I’ve stepped on anybody —

    Archie – Tomorrow on “Good Ol’ Archie Andrews,” Veronica opens her own “Psychiatric Help” booth, for five cents per “consultation!” Then she tries to get Archie to kick a football.

    BBlues – So that’s why the long face.

    DT – Dogpile on Shirl Locke! I guess a dog can tell the difference between somebody blowing a whistle and someone standing right next to someone blowing a whistle. These mutts are damn geniuses. They should be on Jeopardy.

    GT – Panel three: everyone in the audience is praying for Elmer to shut up.

    H&J – It’s true! Floyd the Barber did come out as a black man.

    MT – Will a falling rock or tree crush the intrepid reporter’s skull to Kelly Welly Jelly?

    M’duke – She’s sad because it’s the first bone she’s seen in that bed in the last seven years.

    MW – I still think this would be easier for Toby if her computer had a space bar on it.

    Mutts – Jesus, I didn’t recognize you with that haircut!

    Phantom – Nice sound effect, but I like it better when they punch a guy like one of those punching bags and he goes “Bap-idda bap-idda bap-idda!”

    Pluggers – A plugger’s S&M… smut & mazola.

  92. PeteMoss
    August 8th, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Contestant 3: I’ll take “Incredibly Filthy Viking Sex Acts” for $400, Alex.

    AT: This Norse ritual involves the sacrifice of a dozen virgins to Freya and shares its title with that of a child’s lullaby.

    C3: What is “All the Pretty Little Horses?”

  93. Dagger
    August 8th, 2008 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke: It’s cute that she thinks she can make that hellbeast do something.

  94. Sparky
    August 8th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Foob: I thought Stepford was a town in Connecticut. Turns out it’s in Canada. And it’s not just the wives — it’s everyone.

  95. Canaduck
    August 8th, 2008 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    To whoever is behind Enormoushop.com–thank you, thank you, thank you.

  96. Dingo
    August 8th, 2008 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Hmm… Mark Trail has a fist o’ justice. Will we soon discuss Gil Thorp in terms of fisting? Maybe Toeby Cameron should buy Ian a video of that.

  97. lynngineering
    August 8th, 2008 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: …..I keep having this same dream, it’s something about someone’s attempt at a wedding, I think. …or maybe just some intricate initiation into the other side of drag queens, the ‘gravitas’ or something … It’s tough to keep orientation, because I’m sometimes blinded by so much whiteness in the scenes, and it’s hard to always see clearly…. it seems everyone is familiar on the one hand, but as if after one big plastic surgery gang-bang… and in that televisual way I “feel part of” the familiarity of people who get the chance for an extended shared group hug with Oprah. In other words, after all these years, not at all.

    It’s like some Hallmark – Lifetime channel special, who – having bought “Project Runway” way too late – get some brilliant programming executive who goes one better and purchases the rights to Brecht, just to update the classic “Mother Courage” by throwing the script out and keeping the word “mother”… and then hired the children of the art-director from “Golden Girls”, who turned the Mother inside-out to create the potato-field stage of this dream…. where apparently female characters (I think it’s all females, or those who desire to be) can only move by incantations that sound at best like cliches-on-steroids as acted out by muppets … and yet even armed with those, each day, same dream, they still never manage to pull themselves any further in that dour, Canadian social pathos… the dream… it isn’t about “amour” but “armor”, that’s what their formal attire serves as, and neither hides the fact they just keep sinking further into the tarpits always just out of frame …. and certainly these characters never get anything more solid than a cheshire-cat valium-smile to grasp on to… if for one second they had the idea to do so, for one last attempt to pull themselves up… for at least a potential evolutionary second… one long enough to claim some will, some desire to simply demand: Why is this society of Lynn’s now so utterly vapid and pointless?

  98. Uncle Lumpy
    August 8th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    lynngineering –

    Ahh — good to have you back!

  99. bats :[
    August 8th, 2008 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Hey! I made Coffee Stalk, even while calling the Creatrix’s endeavors schmaltzy and treacly! Cool!

  100. Duckman30
    August 8th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    MT – Tomorrow’s Mark Trail, after the “tree” falls into the “cave”:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/28205019@N02/2745717372/sizes/o/

  101. Doug Puthoff
    August 8th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Shoe–And the fact that birds don’t read newspapers, drink coffeee, or smoke cigars disturb you.

  102. danzig
    August 8th, 2008 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t Shoe teriffic!!!

    The strip brings out marital infidelity the morning that John Edwards admits his marital infidelity to the world. The best part is that he admits that he has been lying about it since 2006..

  103. Smarmy Duke
    August 8th, 2008 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Elmer’s patriotism does not excuse him for having a mullet.

  104. Harold
    August 8th, 2008 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    NOW WE HAVE AN AD FOR OBITUARY ARCHIVE!

    Not quite as sexy as the Christian Single girl…

  105. Poteet
    August 8th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    # 9 gh — Thank you for your kind words of yesterthread. I’ve liked both the Roethke and Auden poems for years. You took care of Roethke, I took care of Auden, and now let’s pray to Eurterpe for forgiveness:-).

  106. commodorejohn
    August 8th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    #104 Harold – Speaking of ads…holy crap, do we really have a sidebar ad for something involving a dude and a Wookie nuzzling in an apparently post-coital fashion? Seriously?

  107. Saluki
    August 8th, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    What kind of Lewis Carroll universe did I enter today? First there’s a Funky Winkerbean where there’s hope in a hospital. Then there’s Gasoline Alley, which I always assumed was written by a precocious 7 year old, showing literary pretensions. Thomas Wolfe? So that sign on the bottom of panel 3 must be a metaphor meaning you will go insane if you continue to read this strip. The hint is the kid hitting the frog on top of his head with a pot (pothead?).

  108. Poteet
    August 8th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    # 26 Vakar — Per yesterthread, I am honored by your proposed Auden commission. But since Josh was able to rise from the dead, I’d be kind of nervous about doing another number on W.H., lest he do the same…

  109. Poteet
    August 8th, 2008 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Foob — August 23rd is looming ahead, so increasing amounts of Patterson-Worship must now be crammed into each new strip. Today we get Jo, Carleen, AND the bridesmaids checking in with their adoration. Very impressive.

    And speaking of bridesmaids, I recognize three of them, but who’s the one on the far right, the one whose eyes are closed as she focuses on her ecstatic love for Princess Liz? (I can never resist asking these Foobian questions — it’s a curse.)

  110. KT
    August 8th, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

  111. Little Red-haired Girl
    August 8th, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    My favorite click on Enormoushop.com was in the
    upper right hand corner.
    looking for enormous-hop.com?
    It takes you to a youtube video of pet rabbits
    trained to jump hurdles. Every click on this site is
    very clever. Well done!

  112. Batman Beatles
    August 8th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    #99 Bats – Awesome! What did you say exactly?

  113. Vakar
    August 8th, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    108 Poteet: Still safer than mangling living poets, though. Look what a living comic creator did to our Pope…

    …’course, he got better…

  114. Mr. Wuxtry
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    I think we can safely assume that Edwards’ belated confession is a direct result of today’s Shoe. He obviously wasn’t worried about the National Enquirer story, because who trusts them anyway? “But now,” he may have reflected sadly, “it’s even in the mainstream-media comics pages. Guess there’s no use trying to cover it up, because everybody reads the comics.”

  115. The Ghost of Jarrod
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Maybe I’m just stupid, but can anyone explain the joke in today’s Fred Basset? I mean, I know it won’t be funny, but I’m not sure it’s even a joke. Zippy the Pinhead makes more sense.

  116. LTBF
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    In what will be a shock to nobody, we see more freebies for the foobies on Saturday. The people at the bookstore bought the decorations and anthony’s mom made the cake. And Elly raved about what a great woman she is…the one whowalked out on her family, according to her website.

    Then some never before seen friend of Elly’s is the catering manager at some hotel. She didn’t say it was free, but it wouldn’t suprise me.

  117. Joe Btfsplk
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    (8/8 strips)

    Gil Thorp – Maybe it was all of those praying hands that made me think of this, but the audience guy in Panel Three reminds me of the Priest character in the Red Meat strip.

    Archie – Is someone eating peanuts? I swear I smell peanuts.

    And what the heck kind of animal have you got there? I mean, I like it – it’s cute and all – but we can’t keep it. Dr. Seuss called, and he wants it back.

    Slylock Fox – These “How to draw a…” panels always make me think of the start of Steve Martin’s old routine, telling you how to be a millionaire (and never pay taxes). “First, get a million dollars…”

    Shoe – I suppose this means that the next three months of this strip will be Shoe, running for office. If so, I probably won’t know anyway, since the only time I read Shoe nowadays is when Josh tacks it up here.

    enormoushop.com – Hilarious. What amazes me, though, is that whoever is doing this found a URL as commercially obvious as enormoushop.com unused and available, and not already taken long ago by some actual enormous shop.

  118. Joshua
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    #109 Poteet: Seen in the last panel of the 8/7 strip are, from left to right, April, Candace, Liz, Dawn, and Shawna-Marie, most of whom are drawn very poorly.

  119. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    LTBF-116 That’s Anne Nichols, nearby neighbour, used to be somewhat important. There were stories with her having kids and them interacting about motherhood. Plus Anne dealing with her husband’s affair. Later, she was April’s babysitter before getting the job at the hotel. And the job offer, ending the babysitting, was actually in the strip.

  120. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    112. Batman Beatles: here ’tis:
    “While I think the vast majority of your work is blatant schmaltz, verging on treacle — to say nothing about this “simple” six-limousine wedding — that you took a stand, even a mild one, that is making some readers uncomfortable, has me thanking you.
    “I’d probably watch out for torches and pitchforks, but fortunately, you are located north of the border…”

    110. KT re RMMD: that is priceless! It’s a keeper (for me, at least)…

  121. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    OK, as nobody has any reason to remember from a while back, I said the FOOBery had driven me to draw fanfic.

    Well, using the poor man’s scanner (a camera), I’m starting to put it up, if anyone cares for another distraction from the glurge. It’s posted as a blog here I warn folks, though, that it’s not snarkilicious – it’s telling a story that could be told, and it’s SFW (newspaper level, even). My artwork quality and style are inconsistent, but I haven’t been so driven to get something out in a long, long time.

    Anyhow, Bats, you may find it interesting, even though I can’t approach your snark factor.

  122. Uncanny Valley of the Dolls
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    I think Helga’s fantasies actually do involve a real baby in a real treetop. Which is then burned down as an offering to some Nordic god. Serve your Pagans well!

  123. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Some Saturday observations:

    FC: what the deuce? I’m not even talking about the joke…the drawing…the coloring…is Jeff’s kid taking over from his old man and his old man’s old man now? Was an FC coloring book ever published, and they’re letting five-year-olds do the color-monkey thing now?

    FW: ah, yes. I don’t think even Les is that desperate that he wants to hear the ‘When You’re Not Feeling So Fresh’ little monolog…

    JP: why do I keep hearing Charlie Daniels playing something like “Sam Driver went down to Phoenix,” involving a golf shoot-out with the Devil?

    MW: what a dork. (Sorry. Juvenile, I know, but it had to be said.)

    RMMD: but….but….but….that’s the annual Bigs ‘n’ Littles Camping Jam-bo-ree! Rex is crushed.

    9CL: Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

    FOOB: is it weird that if you’re going to have a garden wedding, you don’t stay outdoors (or in a pavilion) onsite and have the reception there? Or was John going to charge rent for people trampling on his train layouts, and the hotel was cheaper?

  124. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    121. CanuckDownSouth: wow! This is beautiful work! And it’s subtly snarky, even a little sad with all of Elly’s delusions. I’d love to be able to draw this freely. (Is that a word? It should be…you know what I mean.)

  125. Adjuster
    August 9th, 2008 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ah, the simple joys of life in a monastery: “Hey, you broke your vow of silence!” “No, you broke your vow of silence!” “Screw off!” “Bite me!”

    Even though I don’t speak Tibetan, somehow I always knew that’s what they were saying.

  126. Jack Parsons
    August 9th, 2008 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    Chang and Eng, everyone, Chang and Eng!

    Next, we have the Tuba and Optigan stylings of Scotch and Soda! Scotch and Soda, friends!

  127. Echo
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:13 am [Reply]

    #121 CanuckDownSouth — That is awesome. Your drawing is excellent (Anthony even looks slightly appealing), and I look forward to the story.

  128. zooby
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:31 am [Reply]

    Something about the second panel in today’s Rex Morgan makes me think of Tony Curtis in Spartacus. Except, of course, that when Crassus asked Antoninus if he ate snails, he didn’t answer “And how!”

  129. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 9th, 2008 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    Wow, CDS, I really like your drawing style. I hope there’s more coming.

  130. car
    August 9th, 2008 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Holy cow, Anthony has a mother!!!! And, of course, she exists solely to do something for the Pattersons that gives them one less thing to pay for in the wedding.

    Why are Elly’s friends asking what Anthony’s mom is like? Didn’t they all hang out together, ever, when the kids were, you know, growing up together?? Or at least meet each other?

  131. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Bats-124 for your vocabulary-increasing pleasure, there is a word: to draw freehand.

    BTW, the Foobiverse is all over the Anthony-mother, as excerpts of his upcoming bio are all about his mother leaving him & his dad when he was a child. The only other in-strip mention is that she babysat lil’ F when Ant went a’stalkin’ Liz at her summer landscape ship job, rescued her from Howard’s attack, and then proceeded to show his creepy true colours by making it all about him, whining about his problems, and asking her to wait for him, a married man.

  132. kanomi
    August 9th, 2008 at 8:56 am [Reply]

  133. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Enormoushop.com notice: Toby is a size four and she’s not at her ideal weight of 135 yet?

    135 lb. at 5’6″ is about a size ten: that’s three sizes bigger than Toby’s given size.

    I suppose she could be trying to gain weight to go up to 135.

    She looks to be drawn as a size four, but that should make her 120ish.

  134. Weaselboy
    August 9th, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Pluggers, 8/8 and 8/9: In the last two days I’ve learned that pluggers enjoy sitting in a comfortable chair with a TV remote and that they’re bad golfers. I should be growing fur and sprouting a tail any day now.

  135. Vinec M
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    121: I’m definitely looking forward to more installments! A nice pencil line always looks good, and your characters show, what is that term, emotions? I don’t usually associate those with the Foobs.

  136. Vince M
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    135: That’s ‘Vince M’, or at least it is later in the morning.

  137. gleeb
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    9CL: She woke from a dream of Della Street to this.

    Dick: A woman is about to be devoured by dogs. Tracy is overcome by the beauty of el momento de la verdad.

    Bunny Hoest’s No Exit: In honor of the Beijing (or as they probably call it, Peking) Olympics, Leroy is dancing with a Chinese floozy in today’s retread of a joke made countless times in this strip before.

    Popeye: Chaplin did it better.

    Sally: Is Ted wearing a dirndl?

    Snuffy Smith: If you’re going to bring back a face not seen in years, why not Barney Google?

  138. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    131. CDS: nope, “freehand” isn’t quite it. I used to draw a lot freehand, but it it was an effort for me…aha! There we go! (I shouldn’t post late at night…) Your work seems to flow effortlessly, that it just appears; I had to engineer my stuff a lot, and in the end, what was in my head never *quite* matched what had been put down on paper.

    Yes, I hope the story continues, too. Asshathony is much more appealing. I don’t know if it’s because he’s been drawn at more of a distance (LJ tends to do very unflattering close-ups and has yet to be able to show the difference between a freckled vs. acne-poked complexion), or that he hasn’t opened his mouth yet. ;)

  139. TheDiva
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

  140. Professor Fate
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FOOB: So this was the parents that abused Anthony when he was a kid yes? But they are wonderful becaue they kiss Elly’s ass?

    This Self indulgent self congratualtory nacsistic twaddle. I’m dreaming of someone spraying pig’s blood all over the cermony just as Liz says I do – while a recording of William Brroughs reading from Naked Lunch blares at top volume.

  141. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    #121 CanuckDownSouth – Fantastic. I eagerly await further installments.

    9CL – Ironic that this quote should surface in what is essentially a Garfield retread. Still, at least it’s not The Five Bitchy Singles and How They Grew.

    A3G – WAH WAH WAAAAAHHH!!!

    Curtis – Eating too many hamburgers…makes you…sexually promiscuous? Huh?

    DT – And by “no,” Dick means “no, we can’t shoot, we haven’t had our Gruesome Demise™ for this storyline yet!”

    FC – Boy, do I hate to see the obvious effort and attention lavished on this scenery spoiled by the presence of these two melonheads.

    FOOB – NO NO NO NO NO THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS NOT WEDDING PREPARATIONS NOT RELATIONSHIPS NOT ANYTHING WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LYNN JOHNSTON

    FW – Don’t bother trying to send him away, Summer. He’s got every room in the house bugged anyway. (Particularily the shower.)

    HTH – Lute, if I were you I’d be more put off by the fact that Honi’s legs and chainmail skirt are starting to merge together into some sort of horrifying biomechanical mermaid’s tail.

    HOTC – Heart’s mom is named “Addy?” Who knew? What does that stand for, anyway? “Adelaide” is the only thing that comes to mind, but I doubt anybody has actually named their child Adelaide since Guys & Dolls came out.

    Lio – hahaha WIN

    MT – So when Kelly “get[s] in that opening,” the earth moves under Cherry’s feet? Fascinating.

    MW – hahaha hahahahaha

    MC – Lily should really have her own spin-off strip, but I’m not sure the world could handle the concentrated cuteness.

    OBH – Yes, Ruthie. Yes he does.

    PBS – Rat is my new hero.

    RMMD – Oh no, Rex! You’re going to be trapped on a cruise ship with June, and she might get cabin fever and…and…oh, it’s too horrible to contemplate…make you have sex with her!

  142. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Well now, let´s not be to hard on Toby. True, there are probably tube worms living around hot vents on sea floors that are are more internet savy than her, but cut her some slack. She’s an artist, poor dear, and probably licks the Lead White off her brushes. Plus, she´s married to Professor Blusterpants after all, and while she still hasn’t caught on to the fact that he’s been running a ‘boink me for a better grade’ racket at the Santa Royale College of Remedial Hygiene for some years now (‘Phishing scam? Sweet! Now I can hide the 10G´s that B*tch of a grad student extorted out of me to not go to the Dean.’), the good Perfessor has probably browbeated the last shred of dignity and self-respect out of her. This is a woman after all, that kow-tows to Mary for any scrap of validation, so what’s left for her? Ok, ok, flying off to Nigeria and becoming the harem slave of a despotic warlord who defies and degrades her, but for Toby, who doesn´t think that would be a step up?

    by the way, anyone else noticed that the entry for Mary Worth in Wikipedia leads off with ‘This article is about the comic strip. For the evil spirit that is sometimes known by this name, see Bloody Mary (folklore) ?

    DT: You know, most of us would think that the way to rob a bank would be to threaten the clerks with harm if they don´t turn over the money. Some of the incentive seems to go out of that when you´re already being mauled by enraged hounds that can’t be called off. Just sayin’…

  143. Jeanne
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Again I ask, did Liz pay for ANYTHING for this wedding? Then why the hell do they keep bitching about the cost?? Also, I thought April was responsible for the table decorations but today’s strip says “The girls at the bookstore provided all the decorations”. Now which is it, April’s teal crepe paper and purple plastic flowers or the bookstore crew’s folded Readers Digests painted purple with teal sparkles?

  144. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    133: 135lb at 5’6″ is about a size 6, not 10. Not that I’m sticking up for Toby or anything.

  145. Jeanne
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    144, Depends on if the 5’6″ is 110lbs or 180lbs

  146. Jeanne
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    144, Never mind I misread.

  147. Brick Bradford
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    9CL–I am not touching that last panel with a ten foot pole.

    DT–With those “whistles” in their mouths and the always bizarre art everybody looks totally stoned.

  148. UncleJeff
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Really Big Killer Dog: I think the author reads the CC!
    FBOFWrrrrrettttccchhhh: Next strip will feature Anthony’s mom. Who looks just like Elly. Or, is Anthony’s mom Elly Herself!!!!!!!!!!

  149. Jeanne
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Maybe art will imitate life and John will leave Elly and then Anthony’s mom and Elly can become special friends.

  150. odinthor
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    GT — While Wheeler aggressively disses Elmer in a vain subconscious attempt to deny to himself his own developing passion for him, on another level he engages Zeno in a thinly-disguised competition for Elmer’s sexual favors. Weeks later, the situation was calmly resolved as the three took a trip together to a select resort in Palm Springs. Fortunately, the encounter was taped and will soon be available under the title “Opportunity, Second Chances, and Chasing Your Dreams: Hot Athletes in a Jacuzzi.”

    JP — Publisher blithely potentially doubles the advance to an unknown, novice novelist from $50,000 to $100,000!?! Where is the portal to this dimension, please?

    By the way, folks, while we’re waiting for the snacks to arrive: Not everyone out there on the streets understands what an “advance” is vis-a-vis the publishing world, many having a vague impression that it’s a sort of nice gift the publisher hands out to a writer. An “advance,” in reality, is an advance payment to the author of anticipated royalties arising from projected sales of the new book. The author then receives no further royalty payments until actual sales “catch up” with the sales anticipated by the amount of the advance. If sales of said book turn out to be slow or no, years may pass before the author starts receiving further royalties. Indeed, the author may never see further royalties if the book goes the route books usually go these days (i.e., straight to the remainders table). Theoretically, I’m told, the publisher could—if sales never catch up with the size of the advance—ask the author to pay back the unearned portion of the advance; but I’ve never heard of this actually happening. OK, buds, I see that Melvin is finally here with the beer and pretzels; let’s get back to our usual wacky japes and merrie hi-jinx.

    Luann — And they just drive away? And they just drive away? And they . . . [faints] . . .

  151. Gojira
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Sic transit gloria Diesel Sweeties (in the papers, anyway).

    A recent article on Bunny Hoest, providing a peek behind the Hateeachothers curtain (turns out she’s keeping two comic strips going).

    S-M: So, spraying webbing on top of two humps that are already covered by a green leotard can jam electronics based on internal wiring. Who knew?

    MW: The Toby Monologues (as Weaselboy dubbed it) started with a stretch where each strip was more boring and inactive than the last. Now, each day, Toby is stupider than the last. Progress.

    By the way, wouldn’t it be funny if the person behind enormoushop.com had the initials K.M.?

  152. Calico
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    #64, again – My goodness – Marmaprick would be as happy as a clam in sand there.
    He could even put his own stash there eventually!

  153. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    #130 – I am as gobsmacked as Deanna! What an excellent point, and one that never occurred to me!

    WHY DON’T THEY ALL KNOW WHO ANTHONY’S
    MOTHER IS??? High school sweethearts tying the knot after a few bumpy years – and just NOW they’re all going to meet the mother? Why is she only being even mentioned now, hours before the wedding?

  154. Gojira
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Unreality check:

    On July 4th (one day ago, in JP time), Cheatham was offering $25K, JP wanted $50 or $75K.

    Today, Cheatham’s starting offer is $50K and he’s offering to double it based on a golf wager, little suspecting that, thanks to reading a few paragraphs in a book, non-golfer Sam can now hit moon-shots.

    Who’s cheating who here?

  155. Calico
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    #104 – Well, I have an ad for Kosher Condolence Baskets. Fascinating, Captain.

    FOOB – Blandthony actually has a Mother? I thought he was the spawn of Sea Urchins.

  156. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    May I just say again how loathesome the characters in Edge City are? (The answer is utterly loathesome.) I’ve biked to work for 10 years and the number of times someone’s had to pick me up is… lessee… carry the… yeah. None whatsoever. The problem is not biking; the problem is that you are an imbecile. The problem is that in the toolbox of life you are the biggest tool. The problem, sir, is that wretched and pathetic are so far up the ladder from you that you’d have to climb over Ziggy to get to them. Shitweasel.

  157. Gabacho
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3G – How very lucky that the mute monks of Tibet speak English when they decide to speak.

    Does anyone else think Tim is actually at a Burning Man Tribe installation?

    Foob – Whew! For a minute, I was afraid that the Pattersons might actually have to pay something to get rid of their daughter. Since I assume Ellie’s dress was free, probably courtesy of The Red Hat Society castoff bin, that leaves them with a bill of nothing, about what this marriage is worth.

    Mary Worth – A fool and her money are soon parted.

  158. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    #152 Calico – Better yet, he might get lost and starve to death!

  159. Tonio
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Maybe the Shoe character is really an atavistic archeopteryx.

    Breasts on cartoon birds are simply a lazy artist’s way of communicating gender. Disney instead gave Minnie and Daisy long eyelashes and dressed them in overtly female clothing. Other artists have avoided the issue entirely, making most cartoon animals male as Opus once observed. Liberty Meadows and its predecessor University2 was the ultimate expression of the concept, with all the females as human.

  160. Jim
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Rat seems quite upset that his stool is oddly colored. (Yes… I actually said that)

  161. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    FOOB — Okay, first Deanna fixes up Liz’s grandma’s dress for free. We found out in the July 13 comic that apparently Deanna’s mother is taking care of the flower girl dresses. Next Lawrence donates the flowers. Anthony’s uncle provides the tuxes. Gordon, against all logic, provided six limos. Weed’s doing the photography. Carleen’s providing hairdressing. The Pattersons have an in with the catering manager. Elly’s coworkers at the bookstore decorated. And Anthony’s mother made the cake.

    What’s next? Did Lovey become ordained just so she could officiate for free? Did Shannon take up goldsmithing so she could make the rings? Does Connie have some pet mice and birds that put together the bridesmaids’ dresses?

  162. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    111 Little Red-Haired Girl

    And the link in the same place on EronmousShoq, looking for enormous-hoax.com, takes you to what I believe is a Cyrillic version of Uncyclopedia (aka Absurdopedia. Absurdopedia:Wikipedia::Onion:The New York Times.)

  163. Ukulele Ike
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    One-eyed Wolfdog @ 156: Thanks for noticing this. I started reading Edge City only two months ago, and I’ve been struck by how much of a schmuck Len is. Yesterday I learned that he is incapable of biking a few miles without having a massive coronary, nor of maneuvering around a rock with the potential to destroy his vehicle.

    Meanwhile, June’s bargain cruise deal in Rex Morgan contains small print that will have all three of them working the Black Gang for 18 hours a day, shoveling coal and stoking furnaces for the ship’s boiler.

    And in Mark Trail, the wind velocity is powerful enough to blow huge rocks through the air like dandelion puffs.

  164. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    One of my favorite parts of EronmouShoq, though, is that “Welcome back, Toby Cameron!” has changed to “Welcome back, BB_Shell!” A reference to the Mary Worth strips these videos were based on.

    You’ve got the spam fan club linked, links to a cable cutter if you just can’t seem to get this Internet thing worked out for you … this site really does have everything!

  165. Weaselboy
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Do we know where the reception is taking place? And did this establishment pay Liz to have it there? The way things have been going, it wouldn’t suprise me.

  166. spike
    August 9th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ /commodorejohn: Re: Today's FOOB: The "biggest donation" to the Patterfoob wedding has yet to be announced--Joni Mitchell's showing up and is gonna sing for free! (Sorry, bats :[, but as you were hearing Charlie Daniels playing something like “Sam Driver went down to Phoenix,” involving a golf shoot-out with the Devil, I saw "Empire Hotel" in today's FOOB panel and started hearing Mitchell's "Raised on Robbery".) Only two more weeks to go!

    FW: Just when another possibly interesting story arc is about to take place, TB will begin a new story line on Monday.

    JP: Sam's next quandry is to figure out how ha can pass on a check for $50 K to his good friend Alan while pocketing one at the same amount for himself.

    <b.MW: Agreed, Toby is raising the bar for dumb-blond and trophy-wife jokes. Forgive me for typing this, but as drawn-out and horrible this story line will be [complete with the requisite post-debacle platitides from Mary, who, it will turn out, already knew about internet scams, but failed to warn her young disciple], I think Moy is actually doing a good thing for the demographic most likely to read this strip [aside from us snarkers]. OK, I’m done. Let the snarking commence.

    Calico: Hope your recovery continues to go well. Back to solid food yet?

  167. athena
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    MW: Isn’t one of the benefits of online shopping that it’s so convenient and quick? Why then is it taking Toby a bloody week to complete her purchase? Even the identity thieves will have given up by now–whatever line of credit is on her card, they can’t possibly receive a decent ROI for the time invested in waiting for her to finish the transaction.

  168. Rusty
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    #161: All of these freebies can only mean one thing: the newlyweds have agreed to move out of town in exchange. It’s well worth the cost.

  169. Calico
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    #166 – Or maybe BNL will show up, and the table favors will be little bags of cocaine and cheap NY State beer.

  170. Calico
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    #166 – Thanks, it’s going, yes!
    I ate a bit too much last night, though, so am sticking to soft stuff today.
    Takes time, you know-at least I don’t have Rexie “Cruise” Morgan for my Dr. Thank God.

    I don’t think that man has actually seen a patient (medically speaking) for years.

  171. Kiesha
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    If someone were to point out the fact that the Pattersons are paying for NOTHING in this wedding, I’m sure Lynn Johnston would reply that everyone just loves Liz and her family SO MUCH that how could they NOT donate their services?

    Obviously, anyone who has to pay anything for their wedding isn’t as good and wonderful as the Pattersons and Liz.

  172. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    156-Wolfdog I third the Edge City “what the??!”. I have biked anything from blocks to miles to commute, and would never consider asking for someone to come pick me up for any reason less serious than injury or broken bike miles from shelter with dangerous weather. Hasn’t happened – I’ve actually walked a bike 4 miles when it broke down. Why do comic writers think “wuss = wryly amusing” ?

  173. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    What? The “Holiday Inn” or the “Best Western” or the “E-Z 8″ wasn’t good enough for you? Caveat emptor, baby!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2745409237/sizes/o/

  174. LTBF
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    143-April was in charge of the flowers. Which involved driving to Lawrence’s garden shop and talking to him for five minutes as he told her they were free.

    “Draw freely” is what the artists do for Liz’s wedding.

    I can see Anthony’s uncle paying for the tuxes. But Gordon, Weed and Lawrence are Mike’s friends. Why are they taking money out of their own pocket for this? Or people who used to work for Elly three years ago?

  175. Spike
    August 9th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Calico: The only appropriate songs that BNL could play at the Foob-fest/daemmerung (as far as I’m concerned) are “Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank”or “The Old Apartment”. I prefer the former.

    Glad to hear you’re coming along–and yeah, that first meal or two can be such a temptation! :-) It’ll get better, believe me.

  176. Calico
    August 9th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #173 – Bats, Chennux should be proud of you.

    #175 – Thanks Spike. Sounds like you had the same.
    Yeah, the first tune is about a Snuffy-Smith-like guy lusting after and stalking Anne Murray, isn’t it?

    Re: Bats’ FOOB cross-dressing extravaganza, they could also perform “I’ll be that Girl.”

    Also – I just watched Mark Trail Theater again and I still love it!

  177. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    173-Bats Bwahahaa, Sith involvement in Milborough would explain SO much.

    Put a bit more up here. Since the posts are newest first, maybe I should just make them one image at a time. Or maybe top to bottom in an installment, bottom to top for the installments is so normal for blogs that it won’t be confusing. Dunno.

  178. Nightingale
    August 9th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    FOOBS: Did Liz say the dresses were lavender? or teal?

    http://www.uglydress.com/morstufgod.html

    http://www.uglydress.com/diorcouture.html

    Oh, and I think This is the cake….

    http://www.uglydress.com/uglycakestory.html

    That’s what you get when aunt marge does you a favor and does the baked goods… or something. I have a great shot of the wedding cake that my grand MIL did for our reception… thankfully the day after…. when it wasn’t supported correctly and had toppled over onto the table. But it’s still not as bad as the plaid one.

  179. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    168. Rusty: my thoughts about the Freebies for Foobs! was pretty much like yours — first we get ‘em married, then we wine an’ dine ‘em, and THEN we ride ‘em out of town on a rail! Good times.

    I’m also wondering about the *frozen* Foob future, and how John and Elly will blow off April when and if she ever gets married, reminding her how “expensive” Liz’s wedding was and how it just about sent them to the poor house…

  180. spike
    August 9th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Calico: Yep! That line near the end “I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells” has such a Twilight-Zonish quality about it, y’know…and “The Old Apartment” only hints at what awaits Blanthony, now that he’s about to be assimilated into the Patter-Borg Collective!

    #173 bats :[ : Awesome!

  181. Calico
    August 9th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    #178 – The plaid cake looks like a Civil Engineer’s nightmare.

    The second cake looks, well, like the Titanic half under. Or as they mentioned, the result of drinking too much cooking wine in the kitchen.

  182. nerowolfgal
    August 9th, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    WHY is Rex Morgan looking so shocked? When the subject of the cruise is raised he looks like someone jammed an electrical wire to his hanging down bits and told him his dog had died. Then he does the face again, and then again.

    Surely going on a cruise is not that terrifying, even if you have to go with your wife.

  183. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    97: Yay, lynngineering! Now I’m even happier I’m back….but is “catching up” with the FOOB “festivies” worth it…?

    174: All this “drawing freely” talk is making me hope that Lawrence had the foresight to suggest as the champagne provider his good friend I.P. Freeley.

  184. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    182. nerowolfgal: Rex is an enigma wrapped in a mystery. A really stupid enigma wrapped in an even stupider mystery. But I digress:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2746893393/sizes/o/

  185. Flying Monkey
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    In Shoe, it looks like he’s just playing with his food, I mean, that IS corn on the cob, isn’t it?

    I don’t think those are insincere clappers, I think this press conference is being held in Southwest Missouri: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2916

    Aww crap. I share a zodiac sign with Toeby. I thought we Virgos were supposed to be smart?

    141 commodorejohn: I went to school with an Adelaide, and I was born in the 70′s … does that compute?

  186. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    8/9

    9CL: So apparently no one has sat on Edda’s face before. But if you want to see Isabel doing so, write to Brooke. He may be willing to accomodate you.

    DT: “No, we have to pad this story out for at least another week.”

    HtH: The wandering minstrel should at least count his blessings that she’s stopping his “wanderings” with a hammer and stake rather than a huge pair of scissors. But when did Honi grow a fish tail?

    Phantom: That boyish “wait for me” while he’s about to drop the unconscious mook into a watery grave is just so cute.

    S-M: So, this is the last Spider-Man strip? Gotta say they’re going out with style.

    SFx: Hey kids, want to learn how to draw “overdoing it”?

    Popeye: Now they’re just recycling old propaganda posters. Only the last time, Swee’ Pea was played by Kaiser Wilhelm.

    JP: Is Sam actually going to be suckered into a “double or nothing” match by Borat’s producer?

    OBH: Hey, Ruthie’s a good guesser!

    A3G: Okay, it’s not aiming high, but Margaret Shulock did give me an intentional laugh here.

    Ziggy: That unlit windowless room looks less like an “Optimist’s Club” than a place where young men go to discover themselves through, ahem, circular activities. No wonder they don’t want Ziggy around.

    Momma: People have been saying “for free” for what, eighty years now? And Momma’s just getting around to complaining about it?

    Archie: His blanket is covered in 6′s, clustered in groups of three. Read the signs, people!

  187. Red Greenback
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    CanuckDownSouth: Excellent stuff, more please! Today’s comics-inpired t-shirt…soon come. In the meantime, I couldn’t let this one get away.

  188. Poteet
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    # 118 Joshua — Thanks very much. I forgot that Shawna-Marie is black now.

  189. dreadedcandiru2
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Foob Sunday: Tomorrow’s strip is a repeat of one of Lynn’s favorite gags; a child told not to get her clothes dirty decides the best way to do that is to not be wearing them. This causes the parent who told her not to get messy to stand there all gobsmacked.

    No wonder the Atlanta Journal-Constitution is dropping the damned thing this September.

  190. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Rex: You know the cruise is gonna come down with Plague or Smallpox or maybe the “Sweating Sickness” of the 1500′s which is still a mystery to science. OH NO! Quarantine Time! Poor Rex!

  191. Poteet
    August 9th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Foob — This wedding is beginning to remind me of the one that began THE GODFATHER, except there are far more underlings genuflecting and bringing gifts. I think today equalled yesterday with at least six Secondary Characters (there’s got to be a potential musical number about what it’s like to be a Secondary Character in Foob) fulfulling their Obligatory-Patterson-Worship requirements. But there are lots of Secondary Characters left on the list on the Boobsite, oops, Foobsite. It’s a nuptial race against time, folks!

  192. Muffaroo-who-walks
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    9CL – The very definition of purblind. I’ll have to take their word that no one’s been there before.

    A3G – And with today’s third panel, Apartment 3-G has now gotten more laughs recently than many gag strips.

    DSweeties – “Thanks for reading.” Don’t mention it. We will not speak of this again.

    S-M – Not nearly enough explaining in this one. Try this: “Aha! Now I, Spider-Man, am doing something that will adversely affect you, Vulture!” “Oh no! You, Spider-Man, are using that confounded webbing of yours to in some unexplainable way, jam my anti-gravity device, which is what allows me to fly around with one hand while holding J. Jonah Jameson, the bombastic, Spider-Man hating, publisher of the Daily Bugle newspaper! Now we will all fall! See? We are falling!” “I, Spider-Man, am also falling!” “Yes, I, J. Jonah Jameson, am falling as well!”

  193. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Ellie: “That Osama bin-Laden fellow is not so bad. He’s great because he gets along with me!” Yes, the entire universe was created and formed solely because ELLIE PATTERSON would someday live in it. She is the Messiah! …Or at least the Godfather. And all those freebies were offers they couldn’t refuse.

    FC: “…Then we’d both vanish from the face of the earth!”

    Lockhorns: “Serenity Now! Serenity Now!…”

    FW: “It better be about your ‘lady business’ (to quote Tina Fey), Missy, if you wanna leave me (the grieving widower) out of this thing! I will NOT tolerate female chauvinism in this house! ….Oh, who’m I kidding? We’re scum. I’m not worthy of this sadly meaningful event. I’ll be down the street if you want me. Bye.”

    Mutts: “…maksh me feel fine…”

    S-M: Good. Maybe now a vastly better strip can take their place in the papers.

    A3G: “Oh, Those Wacky Monks!” — Saturdays, 9 Eastern time, on most of these NBS stations. In color.

    S4th: Now Hilary can know how Les Moore probably feels: left out. Like Joannie Cunningham in the 1st few seasons of “Happy Days”.

    BBailey: RANKINGS:
    President Bush: Low
    Congress: Lower
    Camp Swampy: Lowest

    GT: Wheeler’s report card, Teacher comments: “Does not play well with others.”

    Buckets: He means the ’70s gas crisis! Mr. Bucket, it’s either Richard Nixon or Jimmy Carter.

  194. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    #191: Poteet beat me to a Godfather/FOOB reference. Does that mean I’ll wake up in the morning with a (frozen) bunny’s head in my bed?

  195. lynngineering
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    183 Secret Margo
    Yay back to seeing you, able to effortlessly draw upon the work of Judith Butler but then knows when to go for ” I.P. Freely”…: )

    Is catching up with FOOB festivities worth it? well, at least in rememberance of having witnessed Michael’s coma and flatlining. At this point, I feel Lynn’s psycho-cultural wars waged and won under the “LIZ” banner left nothing in their wake but scorched earth. There’s a society regulated by commandments or rules of behavior, and a cowering populace and many of us once-invested readers now like U.N. observers. That is, sort of having a sense of powerlessness, yet importantly keeping some sense of belief going, on the look out for assisting or recognizing pockets of resistance. And pleasure. Yeah, pleasure is there, somewhere.

  196. Poteet
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    # 194 Mibbetmaker — No, our coming up with the same metaphor means that both of us can congratulate ourselves on our brilliant insight.

    Though come to think of it, Don Corleone did favors in return for homage, including revenge beatings. Whereas all you get from Ellie is an unnerving muppet smile.

  197. Stroker Ace
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke the Monster – If only there were two viking helmets among the bones…

  198. Muffaroo-who-walks
    August 9th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    H&J – And now the barber cowers at the back of the store while playing a tape recording of a haircut going on. He never wanted to be a barber in the first place…

    MF – The usual trite stuff. I’d have enjoyed it a tiny bit more without the stupid rubber-stamp pictures of the blankly staring duck thing.

    M’duke – Ha ha. The dog has the ability to type and post to MySpace, and all those foofy dogs have the ability to read it. See, here’s the best part. Dogs do not actually possess this ability! Or that one! Oh, my funny bone. (Repeat until humorous)

    MW – Toby has two hearts, but ironically, the tinsmith forgot to give her a brain.

    Momma – We all know Mell’s best days are behind him, and yet, comparing this with “Cathy,” one is struck by the fact that in four panels, the lead character wears four different facial expressions, each one relevant to the emotion being felt. She uses gestures appropriately, not in a stereotypical “point and ack” sequence. Her body has a language that enhances what’s happening in her emotional world. One wonders why Guisewhite doesn’t simply hire somebody who can fucking draw.

    Phantom – If that’s Andre, who’s the Phantom holding over the edge?

    H&J – …he wanted to be… a LUMBERJACK!

  199. Zaq
    August 9th, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Enough has been said about the mountain of Offerings the Patterholes are getting, so I’ll just say I agree wholeheartedly, and focus on a slightly different aspect of the horror… how overly controlling Elly is. I know I’m not breaking new ground here, but it just serves to underscore and highlight what an abrasive control freak Elly is… just look at the language used. “Kind of woman I’d want my daughter to have for a mother-in-law.” Everything is about what Elly wants, not what, oh, anyone else does. And the proper response? To stand there with muppet-mouths agape, presumably in laughter, or just to shovel as much of Elly’s bullshit down your throat (SCHLUPP SMACK CHEW) as fast as you can.

    On to strips I actually like… Judge Parker is just sadistic today, especially because we know that Sam’s going to make the goddamn shot thanks to the Little Red Macguffin. I’d like to see him say “Are you insane? That’s a sucker’s deal and you know it. If you’re not going to take this seriously, I’ll wait for you to finish your game. When you’re ready to negotiate like an adult, let me know.” But instead we’ll have him taking the goddamn drive like an idiot and somehow magically making it. The swing alone will probably take three days, and the whole thing will take at least a week and a half. During which time we won’t see Abby or anyone else we actually care about. I will say, though, that the coloring gnomes are actually doing a good job representing the piercingly bright Arizona sun as well as one can in a comic strip, with the harsh shadows and cloudless sky (Well, sometimes cloudless, depending on what day it is.) I’m unconsciously reaching for a bottle of water just by reading the strip, and I’m being serious.

    MW: You know what would be funny? If Enormoushop.com (the Charterstone version, not the awesome real version) didn’t have the basic security measures that have been in place forever, and actually did lose Toby’s information and really DID need her to resubmit it “irgently,” and this storyline wasn’t about phishing at all, but was just an even bigger waste of time than, say, Mary Reminisces or Mary Finds A Dog.

    A3G: It’s official: Eric isn’t in Tibet, he’s in LhasaLand (“The Most Enlightening Place On Earth!”), a theme park in Maine, and the monks are just the equivalent of Donald and Goofy running around Disneyland, signing autographs and delighting children. Eric’s getting in line to ride the ever-popular Wheel of Rebirth, though unfortunately the Pilgrimage Mountain roller-coaster is down for repairs.

    MT: Let her go, Cherry. If Mark asks any questions, just say you saw her waxing her upper lip and that was all the proof you needed to condemn her to the tornado-force winds throwing the rocks around like paper. Or threaten that he’ll have to spend time with you if he wants to know what happened. He’ll cave.

    GT: My next-door neighbor actually, literally, swear-on-Josh’s-grave does his hair with olive oil, and it looks pretty much exactly like Wheeler here. Just sayin’.

    Those Two Black Guys Who Talk About Stuff: I’d get that engine looked at, Guy Who Cuts Hair. Judging from the onomatopoeia, some kind of part’s come loose.

    Momma: I’m a true lover of language, I’m willing to point out inconsistencies and absurdities (I still adamantly maintain that, no matter what the advertisements say, “quality” is not an adjective), but you’re wrong, Momma. Find another cause to champion and I might overlook my revulsion at your Oedipal horror to agree with you, but you. are. wrong.

    MC: I guess I knew that Lily was an ancillary character, but it’s sad to see it confirmed like this. I always hope we can see more of her.

    Zits: Ha ha! Teenagers are bad and wrong for wanting independence and sometimes acting out to get it in ways that their parents find annoying! Let’s laugh at them!

    Big Dog: Those aren’t suitors (suitresses? What’s a female suitor called?), those are sacrifices.

    c’Shaft: The only reason I knew what “deadheading” was is because there was an article about the difference between deadheading and pinching on the front page of the section which houses the comics today. A nice coincidence, but a poorly-constructed joke.

    FW: As the year count ticked ever higher, Lisa’s video messages to little Summento Mori became progressively raunchier. This year as a birthday gift, Lisa tells Summento where she hid her favorite vibrator. Les has been using it as an electric toothbrush for years, though. I can’t decide if it’s creepier if he does this knowingly or unknowingly, so I’ll let Dingo fill in the details (if you would, please?).

    Doonesbury: I’m not sure if the joke is supposed to be that the boxer is effeminate and pretty-looking or just that His Excellency is really sleazy, but either way, it’s funny.

  200. bats :[
    August 9th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    199. zaq: I am powerless to resist the train-wreck which is the Wedding of the Century, and now I find myself speculating on Anthony’s mysterious mother…someone who gets along with Elly (not that we’ve ever seen her — of course, she’s probably hanging around the Patterson hacienda those 23 hours, 59 minutes and 30 seconds that we’re not privileged to see). I’d like to think that we WILL see Mrs. Caine, but just in case…
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2748175056/

    A3G: oooh, I like “LhasaLand”! A previous link to Roadside America and the Giant Prayin’ Hands o’ Dooom got me all warm and squishy inside — evidently “Precious Moments Inspirational Park” in Carthage, MO, has been experiencing major attendance and revenue losses due to a casino opening nearby. Bwahahahaha! (If you don’t know what “Precious Moments” figurines are, your blood sugar will thank you.)

  201. Porky
    August 9th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    MT
    AVALANCHE WARNING! Never stand next to ANY mountain when the wind is blowing!

    MW
    Will Enormoushop.com be selling any of those keyboards without a spacebar? The ones with a key labeled “MouseClick”?

  202. Xopher.tm
    August 9th, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    HTH: “That sly look” on Helga’s face is ripped straight from a Funky Winkerbean strip. Compare ‘em. This means Helga has cancer.

    FBOFW: One, how long will Lynn drag this wedding out? I’m guessing at least into the holidays. And, two, Mom-in-law made the wedding cake? Whatta gyp.

  203. Jeanne
    August 9th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    174:Weds. July 9, in response to Liz bitching that she April could sit and watch TV and take off to the beach, while she, St. LIz the martyr of the marriage-bound had to do everything by herself, April said:’I’m in charge of the flowers, remember? Addressed all of the invitations. I’m making all of the table decorations.’
    So apparently, a 16 year old kid is telling several adult women how to fold those Reader’s Digests, and supervising two professional florists on how to arrange plastic peonies.

  204. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2008 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Jeanne –

    . . . supervising two professional florists . . .

    I’m hoping it’s just some guys from Lawrence’s landscaping crew with a backhoe and a Ditch Witch®.

  205. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Santa Royale Crips. Awesome.

  206. Orange Doorhinge
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    OMG! FOOB: The Musical! I can already see & hear it. Hmm. Mary Worth The Musical?… the meddling song, guaranteed to surpass CATS.

  207. Jnoble
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    BB: If our entire military was as inept as the ones that inhabit Camp Swampy, we’d all be fucked. Badly.

  208. Ukulele Ike
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    202: “Mom-in-law made the wedding cake? Whatta gyp.”

    Hey, it’s a yellow sheet cake! With white frosting!

  209. Jnoble
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Wouldn’t it be great if that helicopter pilot Saint Elizabeth led on a couple years ago showed up with an Apache and strafed the place with a 50mm cannon?

    That would be the awesomest thing that ever awesomed.

  210. Orange Doorhinge
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    Or maybe “The Platitude Song”: “Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned From Mary Worth”

    I’m working on it.

  211. Pepperoni Détournées
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    #127: I was just about to say that. Anthony looks much better in the fanfic than he ever could in FBOFW.

  212. Pepperoni Détournées
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    133: Fifteen pounds heavier is a TEN?! Remind me never to gain fifteen pounds!! I’m trying to get back down to 115, and I’m still a 2. Of course, ten years ago, I was also a 2, and I weighed 100 pounds. Just goes to show how American retailers are changing the sizes to accommodate the ever-increasing obese. Offending the sensitive egos of the hippos does not put money in one’s pockets!

  213. Mark Trails Talking Penis
    August 9th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex and June should invite Nikki along along on this trip. Maybe he and June can find a garage to clean and he and Rex can do a little trout fishing off the fantail.

  214. Tubby
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    No. 212: Speaking as one of the hippos, I weighed 130 about 35 years ago and I wore a size 12. I’m 5’8 and a bit heavier now. So size expansion, or shrinking, depending on how you look at it, is nothing new. Go hippos! They need to cater to us as we are the majority, and we have cash to spend. Well, at least I do, anyway. And I don’t make up rude names for thin people, either.

  215. Kumquat
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    FW – Man, Summer’s going to be disappointed when she finds out her sixteenth birthday tape is a friggin’ .

  216. Kumquat
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Darn it, HTML is not my friend. Let’s try that again.

    Man, Summer’s going to be disappointed when she finds out her sixteenth birthday tape is a friggin’ cancer PSA.

  217. Weaselboy
    August 9th, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    216: What a special sixteenth birthday for Summer! First she’s reminded that she spent time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit as a baby, and then her mom tells her from the grave that she is at a greater statistical risk for cancer. Some kids just get a car.

  218. Dingo
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Dear Mary Worth,

    I have an issue with my husband. He keeps bringing home animals to live with us and sending me on goose chases with his coworkers. Last year, he had a bear. I tried to mollify him by pretending to like her but I finally put my foot down and said she had to go. Now, he sent me out on a photo shoot with a woman of ill temperament and questional repute. What’s he doing? Fishing with our adopted son! I ended up in a cave with this woman, a hairy cougar, and her cubs. Luckily, the cougars ate her but now they’ve followed me home. There’s cat hair all over the cabin! Worse yet, we still have the dam on our property built last fall by “Lucky” and his mate. Two beavers who wouldn’t leave. Lucky is now a family pet and getting fatter and fatter. I’m at my wit’s end! I didn’t sign on for this. What should I do?

    Melancholy Maraschino

    Dear Sour Cherry,

    My, but aren’t you the bitter one? Your husband takes care of animals, a wife, and an adopted son. What do you do all day? Sounds to me like you hold pity ditties for a party of one. You need to stop thinking about yourself and begin thinking about the person who puts food on your table and love in your honeypot. First, about that hairy cougar. I’ve heard it firsthand from a very good friend of mine named Toeby that men love shaved pussies. Drives them wild! Give Mama Cougar a treatment with your Lady Remington so that her coat stands on end. As to “Lucky,” my friend Rita says that many masculine types love a trimmed beaver. Changed the diet that they’ve been getting and ensure their daily exercise. I’m sure that when you call your husband at work and tell him that you’ve got a shaved pussy and trimmed beaver waiting for him at home, he’ll forget all about those fishing trips with the boy. Then again, I know that the men in MY life love the smell of fish. Perhaps you could purchase some perfume in that scent and dab yourself in it. Put some on the animals, too! Why, one comment from you about your fishy-smelling shaved pussy should send him home before 5PM!

    Thank you for writing, dear.

  219. Niall
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    I’d so comment but after an all-night rave and errands and going to an anime mini-con, I’m kinda tired.

    All I can say about the Saturday funnies on my list is that half of them could have been the variation on “X does not work that way”… Is it really that sad that it’s a shorthand to depict people doing something stupid as humour?

    …wait, I may have answered that question already.

  220. sam l.
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Update this, dammit! I’ve been checking it all day and I’m going OUT OF MY MIND!

  221. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Haven’t seen it mentioned yet, so here’s an NPR story loosely about next week’s Funky Winkerbean featuring Tom Batiuk (plus Harvey Pekar being curmudgeonly as ever!):

  222. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

  223. Belle
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: WEDDINGS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!

  224. The Sparrow
    August 9th, 2008 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    133, 212: Really, a size 10? I’m not sure why I’m volunteering this information, but anything in the name of science… I’m 5’8″ and weigh about 167 pounds, yet I am also a 10 (or 12, depending on the make of jeans. But most often it’s 10).

    Ah well. In terms of snark today, I couldn’t find anything that hasn’t already been said. Nicely done, guys. :D

  225. Calvin
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    PBS: Rat seems really resistant to change. Does Rat have Aspergers? That would explain everything. Then again, maybe it’s like in that episode of House, where we find out that he’s just a plain old regular asshole.

  226. P
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy, have you been shoplifting at Sherwin Williams again?

  227. Smoot
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    I skipped Mallard Filmore today because it was ENTIRELY TEXT. And disembodied duck heads.

    Never ‘tl/dr’-ed a comic strip before, but for chrissakes, Tinshley, DRAW something!

  228. Dingo
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    Everyone, keep your eyes on The Sparrow.

  229. Weaselboy
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    227: Smoot, help me out. What is “tl/dr”?

  230. commodorejohn
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    #229 Weaselboy – “Too long, didn’t read.” Which sums up today’s MF perfectly.

  231. Weaselboy
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    230: Thanks, commodore.

  232. Red Greenback
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Way back up there @ comment 187, I promised a comics inspired tee design for today. Well, there was really nothing specific that struck a chord, so this will have to do.

  233. bats :[
    August 10th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Sunday! Sunday! (only a few…)

    RMMD: my god, Rex…putting two and two together! And getting something less than five! Get that MENSA application in the mail!

    S4th: wooohooo! A shout-out to Wham-O, maker of the most dangerous toys in the world! (well, before all the Chinese exports…)

    9CL: rocks!

    FOOB: oh, good timing! Let’s have a month-old flashback. Maybe the fans who were dismayed at last week’s Lawrence strip will be similarly outraged by nekkid children.

  234. Poteet
    August 10th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    DT — I think the real reason for the no-shooting-the-slavering-dogs policy is that Locher is trying to drag out this story for as long as possible so the one feeble wing of his imagination won’t have to start trying to flap again for a few more days.

  235. Red Greenback
    August 10th, 2008 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    (?TF)DT: Poteet-This makes more sense.

  236. Mibbitmaker
    August 10th, 2008 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    Sunday, Sunday, lack-of-fun day:

    NS: And it took a liberal-left cartoonist to show Tinsley how it’s done.

    S-M: Spidey, you’re making a huge mistake!

    HtH: “Goodnight, Ralph.” “Goodnight, Sam.”

    MT: Aw, poor sad doggy, getting laughed at by two mean li’l squirrels. Cruel, Elrod, cruel.

    FW: Les is supposed to have his Public Service Announcement checked? Well, in this strip, that makes sense.

    BBailey: Reprint from 1967?

    FC: The Keanes are apparently taking the same stuff Locher is taking…

    H&L: Killjoy.

    FOOB: The kids know — it’s Woodstock month!

    BBlues: She’s the Mess-iah.

    Shoe: It’s a birddog, Roz, and you’re dead!

  237. Baka Gaijin
    August 10th, 2008 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    #218 Dingo: That was a long, funny setup to an incredible payoff, unlike any FooB storyline.

  238. Brick Bradford
    August 10th, 2008 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    “Too long/didn’t read” is a perfect response to Cathy most days, I find.

  239. Wanders
    August 10th, 2008 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    MW: Ian’s so close I can taste him.

  240. Niall
    August 10th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Sunday madness

    BB: GYAH!! Props for using the colour strip properly. How did Beetle get yellow? Did he put green paint, then used a negative brush and dipped it in blue and passed it over the green to suck just the blue pigment out of it?

    Blondie: well, they omit the obstacle course that is his crashing into the mailman.. wait, he never clears that. Carry on.

    Curtis: augh, grammar senses, tingling! Throwaway panel 1 repeats the same info as #1! I won’t spout venom at the “gag”, since I’m still too woozy.

    Dennis: the mutant, since he can shapechange his hand from fingers to flipper at will. Still not menacing. He’s one malapropism away from being as bad as FC.

    EC: Ummm.. am I the only one who learned that in wine tastings, you spit out the mouthful of wine to avoid exactly this?

    FC: …okay, it had been a while, no? Meanwhile, any bathroom even in a house that’s big enough to allow that car access.. wait, did the kid shrink again? Yes, I think he did.

    HtH: My brain hurts. Clang on a hand? Bam on a back? Did Browne forget to draw in the shields or something?

    H&L: Throwaway panel shows how dad wants the whole family to die – driving 8 miles next to a cliff in the wrong one-way direction. Alas, they encountered no one. Even regular panel 1 shows the road is only large enough for one car, with the sign pointing the right way to drive. Unless the road isn’t in a loop, and the park is supposed to trap travelles at the end, ripe pickings for wild animals…

    JP: darnit, the shoutout to willethompson is in the throwaway panels. And though 6 panels only repeat what we know so far (big guy is a mobster not a publisher), I still like the sound effect in the last panel.

    MT: Oh, this is SO ripe for new dialogue. Bonus points for Mocking Squirrels.

    MW: okay, Toby always sends by clicking her keyboard and pointing up. WTF? We don’t need that visual to know she’s stupid and cluless. She’s Toby. “I don’t want him to see me online”… okay, is there even one mudgeon who didn’t fill in other dialgue after this? :)

    Ghost-who-models: Calling bats :[, Stripey Ass on Aisle 6! :)

    RMMD: I could say so much.. but others here will say it so much better. :)

    SF: Once again, throwaway panel may be more funny then the regular strip. Oh, as for “why not”, did Ted conveniently forgot the numerous rashes kids developed from, well, sliding on plastic, even wet plastic? The burns as you hit wet grass at some velocity? I know there were other reasons it went out of favour quickly.. wait, was it ever in favour? I never knew anyone who had one even when we were inundated with ads for it on TV.

    SFx: Ooo, Gentleman Thief and Cat family! and in Six Differences: Animal cruelty and a saintly crow.

    …i may go back to sleep now…

  241. Tabby
    August 10th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    I HATE fleas!!! Hate! Hate! Hate!

    I’ve never been quite able to understand how they fit into the food web. Everything eats, and is in its turn, eaten. But what eats fleas? They sort of vector all kinds of misery from disease to allergic reaction – but that’s just from tiny parasites of their own.

    “Big fleas have little fleas
    upon their backs to bite ‘em
    and the little fleas have littler fleas
    and so on ad infinitum”

    It’s just hard to think of them as an apex predator.

  242. Tabby
    August 10th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Also, LJ, please see Brenda Starr for an example of how to do old material in your current strip.

  243. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 10th, 2008 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    FOOB: May I suggest the following Carly Simon song for the bride and groom’s first dance:

    My father sits at night with no lights on
    His cigarette glows in the dark
    The living room is still
    I walk by, no remark
    I tiptoe past the master bedroom where
    My mother reads her magazines
    I hear her call sweet dreams
    But I forgot how to dream

    But you say it’s time we moved in together
    And raised a family of our own, you and me
    Well, that’s the way I’ve always heard it should be
    You want to marry me, we’ll marry

    My friends from college they’re all married now
    They have their houses and their lawns
    They have their silent noons
    Tearful nights, angry dawns
    Their children hate them for the things they’re not
    They hate themselves for what they are
    And yet they drink, they laugh
    Close the wound, hide the scar

    But you say it’s time we moved in together
    And raised a family of our own, you and me
    Well, that’s the way I’ve always heard it should be
    You want to marry me, we’ll marry

    You say we can keep our love alive
    Babe, all I know is what I see
    The couples cling and claw
    And drown in love’s debris
    You say we’ll soar like two birds through the clouds
    But soon you’ll cage me on your shelf
    I’ll never learn to be just me first
    By myself

    Well O.K., it’s time we moved in together
    And raised a family of our own, you and me
    Well, that’s the way I’ve always heard it should be,
    You want to marry me, we’ll marry

    We’ll marry

  244. gleeb
    August 10th, 2008 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Dick: Charlie Brown, detective.

    Blondie: A real Dagwwod decathlon would have to include sandwiches.

    Phantom: Wow, he takes the mighty Tobo out with one punch! And after Tobo had been given such a build-up, too.

  245. gleeb
    August 10th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Sorry, I meant “Heptathlon”.

  246. commodorejohn
    August 10th, 2008 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    A3G – As is tradition, he gives Link Eric vague, confusing hints instead of just helping him directly.

    BB – Dali would be envious.

    BS – I can’t look at the guy without thinking of Dr. Serizawa from Godzilla. This strip is already pretty damn cool, but wouldn’t a giant radioactive dinosaur make it just the epitome of awesome?

    BR – Similarily, I can’t look at the scientist here without thinking of Dr. Scratchandsniff from Animaniacs. And anything that reminds me of Animaniacs is good in my book.

    DT – “Good grief?”

    FC – don’t think about the details don’t think about the details DON’T THINK ABOUT THE DETAILS ARGH

    FOOB – Alright, now run off into the wilderness. Remember, being a feral child sucks, but it’s got to be better than being raised by the Pattersons, and you’ll have better table manners as well!

    FW – THIS IS NOT “GIRL TALK.” NO SERIOUSLY BATIUK YOU DON’T GET TO JUST TOTALLY BACKPEDAL ON THE STRIP YOU SHOWED JUST ONE DAY BEFORE. THIS DOESN’T EVEN REQUIRE LONG-TERM MEMORY WHAT THE HELL

    Lio – Lio wins.

    MW – If the last panel is any indication, she’s plotting to murder him for his birthday. I eagerly look forward to seeing her watch the documentary with Ian’s corpse propped up on the couch. Also, the antepenultimate panel could totally have served as an ad for modems if the Internet had been invented in 1951.

    MC – Norm, I also once wanted to be famous. But then I realized what an enormous fucking pain in the ass it would be. Hope you don’t value your privacy, pal.

    PV – HOLY CRAP GIANT FREAKING CRAB!

    RMMD – Oh no! June has railroaded poor Rex into going on a cruise! Next she’ll get them stranded on a desert island as the ship tools off for civilization, and then there’ll be no way he could escape having to have…ew…sex!

    SF – Ah, Ces, you never disappoint.

    SFx – However, Slylock failed to realize that this was, in fact, the original, and the frog was the entire point of the painting, a subtle yet meaningful statement on the nature of xenophobia. Philistine.

    SM – Ha ha! Spider-Man just killed a man!

  247. Calico
    August 10th, 2008 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    #209 – Or wait, we could infest the Holy Ceremony with thousands of fleas!

    I think Mark Trail would be very, very proud of us.

  248. Calico
    August 10th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    #240 – Re: Slip N’ Slide, I do believe it was taken off the market after numerous reports of bad bruises, sprains, and broken ankles.

    Hey, does anyone remember Clik-Claks? I had a set and they were eventually scrapped as well, as some shattered into little pieces of fast-flying hard plastic.

  249. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Oh, no, not Tobo! Not Tobo!!

    JP – Cheatham’s a Singh pirate, isn’t he? Well, you know, a sort of plus-sized Singh pirate.

  250. Calico
    August 10th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #209, again – thanks to Bats’ mention of the Precious Moments acid trip park for Bible Belters, I also found this, which would be just perfect for Pre-strafing:

    http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/14361

  251. Baka Gaijin
    August 10th, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    #248 Calico: Barely remember Clik-Claks. Our school banned them rather vociferously. Unlike Slip N’ Slide, there wasn’t a lot of play value with Clik-Claks. Just clack, clack, clack until you missed. Then the contusions. Then the contusions on your siblings or friends when you whip ‘em at said youngsters when they laughed at you for missing. Like they probably laughed at Ted Forth as a child, just for being.

  252. And The
    August 10th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    SM: Spidey, if you’re going to let a man fall to death, please make it JJJ! Typical.

    RMMD: The plots on this strip may not be much, but the expressions are utterly priceless.

    DT: You know, since the dogs have been trained to maul and slay human beings in the absence of a whistle, I would think they’re going to have to be destroyed in any case.

  253. Anonymous
    August 10th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    BRENDA STARR: They are featuring some of the original Dale Messick artwork AND the Mystery Man’s story. Which hasn’t been featured in decades! I am in heaven. I adored Brenda Starr many many many moons ago, and was so intrigued by the mysterious black orchid storyline.

  254. Uncle Lumpy
    August 10th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    #253 Anonymous –

    Yeah, Brenda Starr is a complete anomaly — well-written, fast-paced, complex backstory nicely integrated into the current plot, beautifully illustrated for today’s small comics format. It’s a shame it’s not in more papers.

    Plus — Mary Schmich! Mary Schmich! Mary Schmich!

  255. Zaq
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Sunday!

    JP: Wow, that’s… convenient. First-time author writes a book, gets it published immediately with an enormous advance? If only we could convince St. Michael to stay off-panel for years at a time…

    FOOB: Learning from Our Lady Elly herself, Dee practices the art of “getting mad at your kids no matter what they do.”

    A3G: Man, I want to get a job at LhasaLand as the cryptic old hint-giver. You can’t see him making balloon-animal swords and handing them out to the children, telling them “IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS.”

    Sally: “Partner,” eh? This does nothing to dissuade me, Ces! TED IS A WOMAN! (An awesome woman, but still.)

    FW: This could be boiled down to just the statement “Even though she’s dead, sucks to be Lisa! Suffersuffersuffersuffer.”

    FC: Um, what? This is just totally baffling.

    RMMD: Cheer up, Rex. I’m sure there will be plenty of hot guys to seduce there. It’s not like June’s really expecting you to pay any attention to her anyway… you haven’t in the past however many years, so why start now? Also, “we need a break?” Really? The last time we saw Rex doing anything vaguely medical it was literally at gunpoint.

    MW: Nothing new is happening in the plot here, so just look at the artwork. We’ve covered the “keyboard click,” the floating shirt-hearts, but has anyone commented on the final panel? Just look at Toby’s face and try not to shriek out loud. SHE WAS FED AFTER MIDNIGHT!

    c’Shaft: “The bad news is, I ran over your dog on the way here, and you have cancer.”

  256. A Lemur
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Oh now, let´s not be too hard on Toby. True, there are probably tube worms living around volcanic vents on the sea floor that are more internet savy then her, but come on, cut her some slack. She´s an artist, poor dear, she probably licks the Lead White from her brushes. If that weren´t enough, she’s married to Professor Blatherpants.

    So what if she hasn’t figured out that he’s been boinking his students for years (‘Internet Phishing scam? Sweet! This will cover up the 10 grand I had to pay that b*tch of a graduate student to not go to the Dean.’) She’s probably had every ounce of self-respect trashed out of her by that authoritarian weasel, and her bestest friend is Mary Worth for Cat´s sake. What’s left for the poor woman? Oh yes, there’s answering that other email and going off to Nigeria to help that poor man regain his fortune and winding up the harem slave of a Nigerian Warlord forced to submit to systematic defilement and degradation, but I think we can all agree that for Toby, this would be a step up…

  257. Little Guy
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Sorry, Lynn, but Dennis the Menace did the “kids goes nude to protect good clothes” joke first. Perhaps you can have Meredith ask her little brother to kick a football….

  258. slant rhyme
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    252 & 253 – I am truly enjoying Brenda Starr – the weaving of the old and new art is a wonderful way for Brenda to tell Sage the story of his father’s quest. The characters are beautifully drawn, and I actually care about what happens. I remember reading Brenda as a kid (for whatever reason, the local paper ran the strip on Sundays only) and it is a pleasure to reconnect.

  259. Team MP
    August 10th, 2008 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    SF- Girl hands aside, I love Sally Forth. I had the exact same experience with my nephew the other day about where Jedi obtain light sabers. I told him you can find them at Meijer (Midwest big-box store. Big-box yes, but still a local business). He said we should go get some. That three year old is clearly ready for a debate team. I’m pretty sure there’s no rebuttal to “we should go buy light sabers because we don’t have any.” To the Uncle Chris Mobile!!!

  260. Joe Blevins
    August 10th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    I’m extremely, extremely concerned about Ziggy. It’s a weekday afternoon, and instead of being at work or looking for work, he’s at the park — pantsless, sporting the Dom Deluise fat guy hat, passively taking verbal abuse from tiny little birds. Ziggy’s life is turning into tragedy of Arthur Miller proportions. Just about any change for Ziggy would be an improvement. He could hire Andy Capp as a life coach, and it would be a step up for him.

  261. lesles
    August 10th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #259 Team MP – i’m given to understand that jedi are meant to make their own light sabers, which works for you on two levels. it gets you off having to explain why the store’s always out of stock, and you can claim creative input to the original intellectual property and a cut of the profits when your now-obsessed nephew actually builds the things down the track.

  262. blackgoat
    August 10th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    GT: Hey, Wheeler, don’t blame Elmer. Face it, you are NOT going to get picked up by a big league team. You’re 50 years old. Just remember, Barry Bonds is still looking for work.

    MW: You can tell Toby is thinking (cute thinking pose, finger on chin) “Ian will be home soon, and I don’t want him to see me online.” What else are you hiding, Toby ? Have you been checking out stupidcupid.com, where morons find mates ?

    FOOB: Anthony’s parents had drinking and fidelity issues when he was in fifth grade. No problem. Lynn can resolve them as easily as she cured Gordon’s parents’ alcoholism: Per FOOB website: “Gordon’s parents have redeemed themselves by attending AA meetings..”

    Is it true that Liz and Anthony have registered at enormoushop.com ?

  263. bats :[
    August 10th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    252. And The re RMMD: you’re spot on with the expressions. While I can’t quite snark this, you can bet some of the panels are being stashed.
    (That three-finger waggle of June’s, though…disturbing? Is June just an R.N., or is she a Nurse Practitioner, trained in giving examinations? Discuss.)

  264. bats :[
    August 10th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    240. Niall: while I’m as much an appreciator of a male butt as the next person (when it’s wrapped like a birthday package, that can be a little weird), and thank you for the Phantom shout-out, I’m not quite sure what I can do about it.

    Oh. Wait.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2749848941/sizes/o/

    I also forgot to comment how much I loved Mark traipsing after Andy, too…

  265. texas buddha
    August 10th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Hey all,

    Fresh installment of the New World Order Family Circus is now up at http://texasbuddha.wordpress.com/ for your viewing pleasure.

    Enjoy!

  266. Red Greenback
    August 10th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    bats [: and Niall- When I saw the MT title panel, I imagined the caption: “CHERRY, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!”

  267. Brick Bradford
    August 10th, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Boy, today’s Bizarro has essentially the same plot twist as a Bud Light commercial of several months ago. Cutting Edge!

  268. rhymes with puck
    August 10th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: This may bother Deanna to see her kids running around naked, but I doubt it bothers Liz. She probably saw it all the time when she lived with those savages in Mtigwaki. I guess the women didn’t wear bras up there either.

    FW: “And Summer, last of all I want to tell you that I love you, and that your dad needs to have a doctor stick his finger up his ass.”

  269. Poteet
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    # 235 Red — Bwahaha! Excellent! At this point, shooting Dick would be an act of mercy and a public benefit — it’s nice to dream.

  270. Nurse with a penis
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    263. bats :[ — “just an RN”

    Boxcar! Saturn! Boxcar! Arrrrrrrggggghhh! #*^! yikes – those of us WHO ARE RNs don’t like to hear that. Anyways, a colleague of mine who is working to be advanced practice just regaled her experience of such exams. Also, There is something about June that if anything medically critical would happen, she wouldn’t know what to do. “You’re proposing we close the office next week…?” while your patient’s Vicodin, Norco, and Viagra prescriptons RUN OUT! That that would be a cool plot.

  271. Poteet
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Foob — MONDAY SPOILER AHEAD — Characters: Michael, two Secondary Characters from the M-village. Theme: Liz has SO many friends! My reaction: But her enemies here on CC are so much more amusing.

  272. Poteet
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — Awww…Rex’s frowny face always melts my heart. I’d like to pinch him on his high-boned cheek. Kitchy-coo!

  273. Poteet
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    # 270 Nurse with a penis — With nursing shortages growing and numerous nervous Boomers like me looking toward their medical futures, I see a time ahead when Nurses of all kinds will be worshipped as gods, at least by patients. And while June isn’t my idea of a world-class nurse practitioner, it seems to me that she at least tends to show up in the office and do actual medical things, like fixing Forest Boy’s injured hand a few stories ago, more than Rex.

    Speaking of Rex, what I hear about being a doctor nowadays is that insurance paperwork is killing morale in the profession. But since Rex so seldom does actual billable medical work, I guess that’s not a problem.

  274. Mibbitmaker
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    George W. Bush… Dan Quayle… Jessica Simpson…. Paris Hilton…. — Oh, sorry, I was just thinking of people who are smarter than Toeby!!

  275. Orange Doorhinge
    August 10th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    UNCLE LUMPY! WE NEEEEED YOOOOOU!

    WE HAVE NO UPDAAAAATES!

  276. Baka Gaijin
    August 10th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    *** ATTENTION: COMICS CURMUDGEON ALERT! ***

    Be on the lookout for Joshua Fruhlinger. He has been absent from the famed Comics Curmudgeon blog for more than 48 hours. Foul play is not suspected at this point, but one Rick Detorie has been asked not to leave town by the authorities. If anyone spots the subject of this alert, please report it to the lost and found personnel at this address.

    *** END ALERT! ***

  277. Qmarx
    August 10th, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Not to be pedantic… that is to say, to be pedantic, there are some birds with teeth.

    You know what you really should be complaining about? Hands.

  278. Orange Doorhinge
    August 10th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    “A’s parents have redeemed themselves by attending AA meetings” HUH?
    REDEEMED? As in did something difficult and dangerous which contributed to Society’s greater good? Maybe sacrificed themselves to save another?

    AA DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

  279. Mibbitmaker
    August 10th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Based on Poteet’s
    Monday SPOILER,

    I have to say, Liz had SO many suitors, too, and we all know how well that turned out!

    And, if there are denizens of Mtiguffin at the ceremony, they know, as well — yet they still show up?

  280. IagoPogo
    August 10th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    264. Bats, anudder work of pure genius! My tinfoil hat’s off to you!

  281. bats :[
    August 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    270. Nurse with a penis: many, many apologies…I knew that I was going to be taken to task for that, and for the life of me, I didn’t know how to couch it in a better way. The prejudices between doctors and nurses are wretched, with the “just” appellation, and I meant no disrespect — seeing how folks are treated in a hospital demonstrates that the NURSES are the real heroes, doing heroic work for stupidly little acknowledgement (or often, misplaced acknowledgement — “oh, the patient fell out of bed in the middle of the night, and someone put her back safely, rather than just letting her lie there for a few hours? It must’ve been a doctor!” (the one who pops in for five minutes, undoubtedly, when the patient is asleep*).

    Yeah, shutting up an entire practice rather than getting some replacements so that things can at least function at a basal level, does seem…ah…stupid.

    Again, apologies for the crappy choice of words.

    *Experiences when my mother was in the hospital.

  282. Freticat
    August 10th, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    As the female goddess of fertility, Freyja wouldn’t be much interested in sacrificed virgins. She’d rather have women who’ve had some fun. In the Norse poem Lokasenna, Loki taunts her with the following verse:

    Be quiet Freyja! That you’re not faultless
    I have plain proof:
    all the Elves and Aesir assembled here
    Have had you for a whore.

    That’s not someone who places a lot of store in virginity.

  283. Ben Ostrowsky
    August 19th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    I’m waiting for the T-shirt that says “Teeth. You hear me, panel three? Teeth.

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