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Mostly unsettling innuendo edition

Blondie, 8/12/08

Yes, Dagwood, whenever we see the lithe, toned bodies of male Olympic athletes at the top of their form, their muscles rippling, their torsos dripping with man-dew … well, who doesn’t think of “hot dogs?”

Dennis the Menace, 8/12/08

“Oh, and just so you know, I’m wearing one of those anachronistic union suits for no reason that anyone can fathom, and it’s unbuttoned in the back, obviously, so you’re pretty much guaranteed to see my ass.”

Gasoline Alley, 8/12/08

In a desperate bid to hold on to its share of the ever-shrinking comics page, Gasoline Alley has decided to woo readers by dishing up hillbilly T&A. All I can say is: better here than in Snuffy Smith.

Gil Thorp, 8/12/08

This is the moment where Gil realizes that he needs to stop giving out his cell phone number to his loser students and their lame-ass parents. I’m pretty sure that he’s flying the Thorp-Plane over to the Hughes residence in order to strafe it and put an end to these irritating phone calls once and for all.

314 responses to “Mostly unsettling innuendo edition”

  1. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    GT: Pre-op Mimi there is really freaking me out. More so than usual, I mean.

  2. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    …However nothing freaks me out as much as the last panel of today’s RMMD. What on Earth are they doing and why are they doing it in front of their daughter?

  3. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    Thorp: I told you if you hung your head out of the airplane window your face would stick like that. But did you listen? No!

  4. Zaq
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    What the hell IS that thing that Dennis is wearing, anyway? I mean seriously? What the hell is the purpose of it? Do I want to know? Is making me think about this technically “menacing?” It’s definitely unsettling, at the very least. In light of Dennis’s poor performance, this could conceivably be “menacing” for Dennis, but is it indeed menacing on its face? Discuss.

  5. Zaq
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    And another thing (woo double post woo), why are you teasing us like this, Neal Rubin? Look at today’s Gil Thorp. Look at it! We have Gil and Mimi doing something exciting and totally out of character (since when do the Thorps have a plane? Since when does Milford have an airfield? Is it called AIRFIELD? How is Gil allowed to still use his cell phone in the air? Wait, since when can Gil FLY? So many questions!), we have utter visual nonsense in the second panel (Go ahead and TRY holding a book or sheaf of papers or whatever the hell that is like Mr. Hughes is. Then send me pictures because I won’t believe you otherwise. No photoshop allowed.), a hand that is clearly not Gil’s holding his phone for him… this is what the summer storyline should be about! I hope Gil flies low enough to lop off Elmullet’s head with the wing of the plane and gives us at least another month of Pilot Gil so we can all make Starfox jokes.

  6. rainbird
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Zaq
    Can we use glue, ’cause that is what it looks like is holding those papers in place.

  7. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    AAUGHH! My posts can’t get a break tonight! Well, a new thread can’t happen again tonight, and I’ve yet to use the Chron, so…

    9CL: So the McEldowney women can still use that “zone” to be a pain in the ass, huh? 9CL guys just can’t win, ever! Even with all the sex.

    BC: He said the shot put, not the toss ptooee. Disqualified!

    H&J: Like Jughead Jones, Dagwood Bumstead, Curtis Wilkins, Jeremy Zits, Sgt. Snorkle, Drabble’s dad…..

    Luann: From ignorant of our planet’s vital wellbeing to environmental-extremist prig in no time flat.

    MT: And with that, Kelly started singing a well-known Animals tune. Although why she’d start up with “When I Was Young” at a time like that, I’ll never know.

    Big Furshlugginer Fog: Ice cream tailache???

    MW: Chunky, aging Abe Lincoln was suspicious of his wife’s inability to stay out of criminal victimization…

    MC: Tony also says misandrist things to get sex.

    OBH: He also plays in traffic. Or, to quote Hawkeye Pierce: “If there were more men like you, there’d be less men like you.”

    Ghost-Who-Shoots-First: That last panel is what Nixon dreamed of doing while he made his list.

    The Homicidal Mind of Edison Lee: …Then they’ll be dead.

    DT: Baskerville (in a Don Adams voice): “The old ‘Switch the whistles’ trick! And I fell for it!”

    Ziggy: From Hanna-Barbera? Chuck Jones? Bob Clampett? Tex Avery? Friz Freleng? Arthur Davis? Norm McCabe? Dan Gordon? Izzy Sparber? Seymor Kneitel? Bob McKimson?….

  8. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    #7 (me): That’s “Big Furshlugginer Dog”!

    (stupid furshlugginer typo!)

  9. Jacey
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    Why isn’t Dennis wearing any underwear?

  10. Mr. O'Malley
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    GT: It obviously isn’t his hand because the size and angle are wrong.

    I think it must be a steel sculpture of a hand. Possibly an award for road crew worker of the month.

    The reason the papers stay in place is that there is a magnet on the other side.

    We sure have been getting a lot of hands lately. Did Dover put out a CD with clip art of hands?

    Ronald Searle did a great series of cartoons, “The Hand of Authority”, that featured a large disembodied 19th century clip art hand in various situations–forcing the unwed mother out into the snow, etc.

  11. BigTed
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:06 am [Reply]

    Wait, is that Mr. Hughes actually Howard Hughes? It sure as heck looks like him. Besides, who else would you be calling from an old-fashioned “airfield”?

  12. BigTed
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: No, what Thomas Edison’s wife said to him was, “Turn that lightbulb off, I’m trying to sleep!”

  13. Mr. O'Malley
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:25 am [Reply]

    Actually, Thomas Edison and his (second) wife conversed in Morse code.

  14. survivor
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:27 am [Reply]

    I just wanted to let you know — Jimmy’s heard from Shain Tech and Lawson University.

    I’m so excited! In fact, I’ve masterbasted to the point where my hand is glued to the brochures!

  15. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:57 am [Reply]

    FOOB— I am not a slave to fashion. I have no interest in fashion. I pay no attention to fashion. I would even go as far to say that I am completely unfashionable. But even as fashion indifferent as I am, I could not help but notice the tuxedo that John is wearing. No wonder he got it for free. It was probably placed in storage about the time the Beatles broke up. The clown tie is even worse, but I’m sure that John will be a hit at the reception when he presses the hidden button that makes it spin like a propeller.

  16. Captain Thunder
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:11 am [Reply]

    Wait, wait–Gil Thorp is an actual person? I always thought that it was the name of the strip itself, after the strip had declared itself a legal entity in a desperate–and ultimately failed–bid to escape the horrific writing perpetrated on it by its creators via some sort of “strip emancipation”. If you had suggested to me yesterday that Gil Thorp was an actual person in the strip, I would have laughed in your face, and pointed to similarly named strips whose “main characters” aren’t actual people, like Judge Parker, Barney Google, or Spider-man.

  17. Axelay
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    In panel 2 of Gil, we can clearly see half of a set of Hand book-ends, since with one hand on the phone “Throwaway Parent #1″ can’t possibly be holding those miscellaneous college papers.
    This just piles on the rapidly growing mountain of evidence labeled “Hand Fetishist”.

  18. Axelay
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    Apologies to Mr. O at #10, I posted before reading the comments and now I just look like a hack.

  19. A Lemur
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:47 am [Reply]

    RMMD: ‘Look, he’s smiling! Daddy’s happy again! He’s not going to sulk for hours until his anger burns into a murderous rage and beat me and mommie and break all the furniture and threaten to shoot us until we have to lock ourselves in the closet again while daddy screams UNLOCK THE FUCKING DOOR OR I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KILL YOU BOTH! Yea, Daddy! Daddy is happy again.’

  20. gleeb
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: The Angel of Death calls to Ed, and he flies to her.

    Curits: Andy and Curtis: terrorists?

    Dick: Tracy made his way past the dogs that were already tearing at Shirl Locke, ignoring them, to give her a whistle.

    ‘bean: Mopey Pete realizes he has little creative talent, and must lean on the crutch of already-created characters. Yep, he’s from Cancerdeathview all right.

    Mother Goose & Grim Irony: You see, it’s funny because our free people would never stand for such a thing. Any leader who even hinted at it would be removed from office in a heartbeat.

    Pluggers: …are diabetics with heart disease.

  21. StrangeRover
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    Blondie: “That athlete”? Has Dagwood crossed over to the land of Herb and Jamaal?

  22. John C Fremont
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    # 17 (two threads back) Weaselboy – I thought the same thing. With his mouth open, Ian should have been saying, “Hnnnggg…” Or, “Huuuugghh…” Unless he’s a – ventriloquist! (Duh- duh-duuuhhh!)

    DtM – Dennis goes commando. Film at eleven. (I actually live in the CTZ, so it ought to be “Film at ten,” but “Film at eleven” seems more universal. Or Paramount.)

    Foob – Yes, John, move towards the light.

  23. jvwalt
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Let’s see now… Gil Thorp is a coach and athletic director at a small-town high school… his wife coaches the girls’ teams… given their seniority, a combined household income of what, maybe $80,000 at best? (I’m not a teacher, so I could be way off there.) And they have two kids? (Rarely seen, but still a drag on the budget.)

    So howthehell does Gil afford a small plane? Even a rental? I think he’s smuggling drugs. “You caught me”… “going flying for a few hours.” Yep, definitely. He’s dipping under the radar and heading for an offshore island.

  24. survivor
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    17 – Someone here needs to count the # of times that there seems to be a disembodied arm in Gil Thorp. Recently, the ‘extra arm’ seems to make more appearances in GT than ‘Thing’ did in ‘The Addams Family’.

  25. notToby?
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Long time lurker…yadda yadda. I nominate post #14 for COTW. Caused me to do a spit-take. Also, did no one else notice that RMMD’s little spawn is suddenly a dwarf? That short stubby arm in the last panel is indicative of a medical condition.

  26. Frank Parsnip
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the COTWeekers!

    A3G: Tim had almost lost hope… stranded in a bizarre part of Lhasa, Tibet, that looks like no other part of Lhasa or Tibet… in a temple compound that doubles as a prison run by buddhist monks who look like Han Chinese wearing old bathrobes…

    Funky Pantysniffer: Ah, yes, the opportunity to write “Superman” — the one super hero who pretty much has it all made in the shade except when somebody finds some Kraptonite and tricks him into getting close to it. Do I have it about pegged? Any ideas for plots? Nope? OK, then let’s just have Superman die again.

    MT: The great thing is that this cave is naturally lit with the rocks’ own natural radioluminoscity. If they crawl out of this cave alive, my guess is that the’ll look vaguely like the cast from “The Hills Are Alive”.

    Jugs Parker: As if watching golf on TV didn’t suck enough, we’re getting a golf match shown via daily comic strips.

    Sex Organ, M.D.: When it comes to swabbie lovemaking, Rex has declared all ports open and duty-free.

  27. Braniff
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    FC–We may have an idea as to who “Uncle Roy” (the special friend of Daddy’s from the Dysfunctional Family Circus) really is–Senator Larry Craig!!!

    Otherwise, perhaps we can see John Edwards with that floozy and possibly a special guest appearence from Battson D. Belfry himself!!!

  28. poppinjay
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Dennis has always worn that half unbuttoned union suit. It makes it easier to take it up the ass from Joey, and sometimes Ruff.

  29. Captain Thunder
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Poppinjay, Joey is clearly the bottom in that relationship.

  30. Patrick
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    That little plane in Gil Thorp should be investigated by the military. It can go from no passengers and just sitting on the runway to 13,000 feet within the span of one sentence!

  31. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Ok, Sam beat Cheatam on the bet. Now get out of the 112 degree heat, drink a beer and go back to showing what has kept this strip afloat for so many decades – Abbey’s breasts.

    A3G: Why the hell are they whispering? Eric made calls on a land line using the full name of his informant, he strolls in to the prison through unlocked doors, asks a couple of monks for directions and shows up at Tim’s bedside wearing a Century 21 jacket. If A3G was hip to existing technology, he’d have updated his blog posts and podcasts via Treo or something. Yet, it’s some big secret that Katy is a lovely, young woman.

    Suburban Hell: Louis’s friend can’t identify her car by it’s make and model. That may be true in her world of Stalinist-era looking boxes that don’t seem to be designed with consumer safety or aerodynamics in mind, let alone asthetics. However, one would imagine that color and where the thing was when you parked it would at least cue in this fated-friend-of-Louis so that she wouldn’t have to use some high tech radio frequency device that simultaneously sets off every car alarm in the lot. Identifying your car by its alarm is less like identifying your cell phone by the ring tone and a whole lot more like identifying your friends and co-workers by the scent of their armpits.

    A $14.99 DVD is an “unnecessary extravagance“? Oh, sure, but the $250 custom bustier and $350 leather thigh high boots are a “necessity”? Sure, Ian. Of course they are.
    And what is Toby going to wear?

    You’ve got to be cruel to be kind in the right measure. Cruel to be kind, it’s a very good sign. Cruel to be kind means that I love you. Baby, you’ve got to be cruel to be kind.

    Say what you want about Mr. Stripey Ass, but you’ll never find gunfire and beatings with a 24″ monkey wrench in Mary Worth.

    So that’s it. We’re going to die. Centuries later, the cave is unearthed and the recording devices are plugged into ancient computers preserved in museums. They depict scene after horrifying scene shot in point-of-view (think “Blair Witch Project”) as a woman who identifies herself as “Cherry” descends into homocidal madness in plotting the gruesome murder of her also hopelessly trapped companion “Kelly”. One less consumer of limited oxygen, one more supply of food….

  32. Johnny Bacardi
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Wait. Hoogy?

  33. Lolsworth
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Dagwood cannot think of anything without associating it with food. Completely random food.

    Cobwebs? Ice cream. Coathangers? Spaghetti. The horror of being alone in a godless universe? Chicken tikka.

  34. Chip
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Screw saving gas- I’d pay big bucks to see the view from Rover’s angle in panel 1!

  35. Joe Blevins
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    It’s indescribably awesome that Dennis’ babysitter’s shoes come to sharp points. All the better for kicking him in his unprotected ass.

  36. Whippersnapper
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Foob: John’s actual “something wonderful” thought: “Thank God you’ve finally settled for this creep so your harpy of a mother will stop nagging me about getting you two together. I wonder how early I can sneak out of the reception to play with my trains.”

    MW: I suspect that Chinbeard gives Toby this same I-know-you’ve-been-up-to-something-stupid look every day when he gets home from work. Sadly, he’s always right.

  37. natalie
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    did anyone else notice in today’s mary worth that toby is crossing her fingers as she tells ian she has been ‘busy working on a client’s portrait’? i guess someone who would fall for re-entering personal information for ‘enormoushop.com’ wouldn’t have left this gesture in 4th grade like the rest of us

  38. Pozzo
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Don’t talk to me about hillbilly T&A. “Li’l Abner” — now THAT was hillbilly T&A! Moonbeam McSwine could give the entire female casts of Rex Morgan and Judge Parker are run for their money.

  39. Pozzo
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    …or “a run,” whatever.

  40. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    It took a second look for me to realize it, but that’s a crazed, zombie Dagwood manacled and being starved for body parts in Lio’s basement.

    Friggin’ AWESOME.

  41. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    And “Crazed, Zombie Dagwood” is of course a great name for a rock band.

  42. Brick Bradford
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    DtM–I notice that whenever Dennis is looking to stir shit up he digs out the ol’ drum. This leads to the question–have the people who do this strip been near a kid in the last 30 years? Hell, today the kid would pull out a Glock (and plug whoever keeps putting him in the drop seat Dr. Denton’s).

  43. Brick Bradford
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    9CL–I never knew that gay men reacted to the sight of a womans’ breasts in much the same way that vampires do crosses.

  44. smacky
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    It’s a crazy Tuesday when the sexiest comic strip is Gasoline Alley.

    (It’s also a crazy when I read comic strips and decide daily which is the sexiest! Yikes! When did I regress to the mental age of Ted Forth???)

  45. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    DtM: Close the trapdoor, Dennis. Not only is showing your crack not cute anymore, but when your asking the babysitter if she’s “ready for some fun,” it’s more than a little creepy.

    GA: I have to hand it to Bowser or Rex or Fido or whatever his name is. We don’t know yet if his gas-saving device will work, but he’s inventing in the face of some pretty big distractions.

    A3G: So the urban legends are true. Jerry Orbach still lives, rotting in a Chinese jail.

    RMMD: June must have whispered the words “oily cabana boy” into Rex’s ear.

    SFx: This is tough. Is there actually a difference between “complete madness” and “utter lunacy”?

    DT: The last words heard from Detective Shirl Locke Holmes were, “So how does this thing work?”

    FC: The powerful melonhead lobby descends on Congress.

    BB: Amos Halftrack distracts himself from Lt Peachfuzz’s droning with a crossword puzzle concocted for six-year-olds.

    SSmith: Egads! There’s a squid attacking Lukey’s face!

    SM: So the “rescue” of JJJ still leaves him clinging for life twenty stories up? I wonder if Spidey and the Vulture will start a betting pool based on how long he lasts.

    Lockhorns: Leroy is gonna have a bitch of a time kicking the amphetamine habit.

    FW: “My proposal was, Lois Lane gets cancer. Then she and Clark hear that she’s going into remission. Then they find out that she’s still dying of cancer. What can I say? Dan DiDio ate it up.”

  46. Jemmy
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    PBS: Since when does the women’s gymnastic team perform rings? I mean, sure, we did it in grade school, but our gym teacher always seemed to have a problem understanding the concepts of “boys” and “girls.” We later found out that he actually didn’t, when he went to jail.

  47. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    The anachronistic dog catcher believes that Heathcliff is overly concerned with dog breath. Heath is actually wearing protective gear, because those dogs are not in their cage and are about to launch into a rabid fury, the likes of which can only be seen in Dick Tracy.

    It would be funnier if at least one of the dogs was really big, or if the dog catcher was a crazed, zombie Dagwood.

    Or hoogy breasts. Yes, that would definitely increase the humor content.

  48. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: I don’t think Tim is in prison at all. Eric wouldn’t be able to just stroll unnoticed into a prison infirmary, even if it were improbably located in a tourist temple manned by bald Hugh Hefner impersonators. I think Tim’s there of his own accord, on a hunger strike to draw the world’s attention to the Free Tibet movement. Eric now joins Mary Worth in the exclusive club of Toons Who Are Trying to Stop Others From Trying to Help Asia Mend, or TWATSOFTTHAM.

    B.C.: Mason should do his research. Spitting in B.C. has always sounded like “PTUI.”

    DtM: Girl, you don’t want to know where Dennis wants you to put that drumstick.

    GA: The easiest way to enjoy this strip is to tell myself that Rover is a tiny, tiny man who’s getting his freak on in panel 1.

    thorps. Oh boy, Jimmy Hughes is going to study Lawsonomy! Say goodbye to your dreams of baseball, Jimmy… or your dreams of ever getting a good job.

    MT: Trapped in a cave, and your main concern is that you can’t get out to check on the horses?!

    Big Dog: Ice cream makes one’s tail luminesce. Who knew?

    RMMD: By all rights, the kid should be saying “Look! Daddy’s peepee is making a teepee!”, but this being Rex Morgan, we’ll have to take her words at face value.

  49. Treadwell
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    MT: Then, a landslide sealed the cave opening, forcing Cherry to eat Kelly Welly. And there was much rejoicing.

  50. essteess
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    GA: Has Scancarelli been watching “Baby Doll” recently? It must’ve set him off on a “Carroll Baker. Hoogy. Carrol Baker. Carroll Baker” rave. But if he’s going to do a Tennessee Williams tribute, then Rover needs a sleeveless t-shirt and copious perspiration.

    MW: Have to admit that I really haven’t followed “Mary Worth” all that much, so I don’t have a lot of characters’ back stories. So when Toby says she’s finishing up a “client’s portrait,” I take it she means those caricatures you can get done in 5 minutes at a carnival — you know, over-sized head, teeny-tiny rest of the body, engaged in whatever favorite hobby or pastime you claim to have.

    FOOB: I haven’t been to a lot of big-deal formal weddings in my life, but the part that pretty much always sent me to the bar was the “Daddy’s Little Girl” father-and-bride dance. A friend of mine who got married decided to have the song for her daddy-daughter dance be “Black Magic Woman” instead. The results were a lot better. No such hope here.

    Spiderman: If I was Spidey, I’d be all like: “Don’t worry, Jonah, I’ll put you someplace safe — here, let me throw you through that office window. Oops. Hmmm. It _looked_ like it was open from here…”
    Of course, if I was Spidey, I’d be clinging to the ceiling of the Empire State University women’s locker room, and…um, never mind.

  51. essteess
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    #45 “he’s inventing in the face of some pretty big distractions.”

    Face? That’s not what he’s looking at in panel 1 today.

  52. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Yay! Look at us! We’re so friggin’ wonderful! I can hardly stand it! We’re the most perfect goddamned familyin North America! Look at all the trouble we’ve had for all these torturous years with all those sullied outsiders who do not share in our immaculate sainthood! We’re even better for it because we have suffered these fools! We’re so WONDERFUL!! Weed, take the picture and get out. Daddy and Liz need to have their last “special” time together.

  53. Flying Monkey
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Is that an ASSAULT RIFLE in Mary Worth?? Who has assault rifle art on their wall?

  54. Lisa
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MT – Okay, I admit that I haven’t been keeping up on this story line, but today’s last panel has me completely baffled (even more so than usual, that is). The way that they are going to find out if they can’t get out is that they will remain stuck in the cave. That part seems simple enough. I would be more worried about HOW they are going to get out, however–it looks to me (and I might be wrong here, because I haven’t been keeping up with the strip) as if Kelly and Cherry are in a LoFo version of that old movie “Fantastic Voyage” in which people are miniaturized and injected into a human body. If that is the story line, Kelly and Cherry are headed out the back end of someone with serious polyps.

  55. Astroboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    GA – Man, I haven’t read this strip since Hoogy and Rover were children, which not only makes me feel old, it makes me feel doubly icky for checking out Hoogy’s tits.

  56. Hibbleton
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Do pluggers do anything but gorge themselves? Jeez, they make the Dinette Set look like the cast of The Philadelphia Story.

    Rex Morgan is Father to a not-so-miniature Rachael Ray?

    BB Gen. Halftrack does a Xword without any clues. He just fills in any letters that come to mind. I guess rank has its privileges.

    #21 Blondie: “That athlete”? Has Dagwood crossed over to the land of Herb and Jamaal?
    Makes it easier to recycle this joke four years from now.

  57. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: If you have absolutely nothing to reveal, then even a dress which reveals everything (i.e., absolutely nothing) is still modest. Yes.

  58. Sed
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    GT: A bit of revisionist history, but I think that what I’m supposed to learn here is that Mitch Hedberg actually died when Gil dropped him from his Cessna.

  59. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    GA: Well, I’m sure Thomas Edison hadn’t spent his quality time with his pinky up his nose, Fido. Edison Lee, on the other hand…

    “Manos: The Hands of Gil Thorp”. Today, he’s caught in the middle of pushing a pile of papers onto the floor. And Torgo hits himself in the knees with a barky stick.

    WoI: That king is a regular Vladamir Putin, if Putin was a fiscal conservative. Actually, forget the Putin part, he’s a pretty typical fiscal conservative, period.

  60. Anonymous
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Why is Weed taking pictures of Anthony and Liz before the wedding?

    Aren’t they worried about bad luck?

    Doing something like that will cause one of Mikey’s kids to drown in the sprinkler.

  61. Jesse Cline
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Why is it that Dagwood always takes the hotdogs with him into the bathroom?

  62. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I’m more of a brat man, myself.

  63. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: Unfortunately, Rover’s little invention is crushed by a falling meteor dropped from a passing plane. Next frame: Thorp’s wife
    mentions to Gil that the huge check from the oil company cleared, and it’s now safely in their Swiss account.

  64. Calico
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Atlanta! Looks like a great time was had by all.
    Did you all go to Underground Atlanta?

    I just noticed (shudder) a creepy similarity between MW and 3G – two blond bimbo “painters.”
    If Miss Buxley turns to the canvas I will surely faint- from boredom.

  65. blammers66
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    I’m impressed. The Kean Klan doing the family vacation thing, taking in the sights, and then Jeffy slides a political satire stiletto right into the soft, fleshy underbelly! I don’t care how many days little Billy covers for the artist, Jeffy really is the brains behind the whole operation.

  66. gaucho
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mary Worth appears to be directly inspired by Gil Thorp, since Toby’s certainly flinging that severed hand around with abandon.

    And the Luann Saves The Environment plot in Luann is lulling me to sleep. At least the Brad and TJ Gaslight Luann for No Apparent Reason plot was marginally interesting.

  67. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Hey Edison Lee, I buy a lot of stuff on my credit card, and then I pay it off every month. As a result, I get a 1% discount and an interest free loan. Now can I crack YOU in the head with a bat?

    Can I do it even if I pay cash?

  68. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    42, Brick Bradford
    And therein lies the difference between straight men and gay men. Straight men see the breasts; gay men see the tacky dress.

  69. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I am drowning in the vomit….

  70. Captain Thunder
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    A brand-new Dennis, Viscount of Stokington is up! Mysterious doings at the local chapel! A maiden assaulted! Phantom vagabonds! All this and more in today’s installment!

  71. rich
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    FBOW: Yeah, that’s gonna be a grrrreat photo, Weed. Liz appears to be strangling and John looks completely demented. Kind of a mirror image of this.

    GA: Ah, good ol’ Gasoline Alley, where all the women look like 10-year-old girls with implants.

    DTM: “Whoops! I dropped my drum stick! Guess I better just bend over here and pick it up!”

  72. Calico
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    #50 – With luck, we’ll most likely have to deal with “Butterfly Kisses” or some schmaltz by Anne Murray, like “You Needed Me.”

    “I want you look at each other and say something Freudian wonderful…blaaaarch

  73. Joe Btfsplk
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    #8 Mibbitmaker – At first glance, for some reason, I read it as “Frog, ” and then it clicked to “Fog,” but the “Big Furshlugginer” part had already cemented your intent in my mind before I got that far anyway.

    Lio – It’s the Bumstein Monster!

    Mark Trail – So, not only do we have ancient archenemies Cherry and Kelly trapped in a cave together, but there’s a lioness and her cubs somewhere in there too. Imagine the entertainment potential of this situation! Now keep imagining it, because what this strip eventually delivers will not measure up to what you have built up in your head.

    Phantom – Where does Phantom keep his ammo clips? That sounds like a riddle, but no, I’m really wondering. I guess I still haven’t learned to recognize those things that I really don’t want to know.

  74. commodorejohn
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    9CL – What I learned from 9 Chickweed Lane: Edda’s breasts are an undifferentiated tumor-ish mass on her chest. Or perhaps she has no breasts, and that’s just an unusually-shaped ribcage.

  75. essteess
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    #72 Calico: As long as it’s not “Turn Around.” You know-
    “Where are you going?/my little one, little one/turn around and you’re two/turn around and you’re four/turn around and you’re a young wife going out of the door.”

    That used to create a grapefruit-sized lump in my throat even _before_ I reached the Sentimental Middle Age Phase.

  76. Jemmy
    August 12th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    #72 Calico: At least nobody will likely play “Sunrise, Sunset.” Thank goodness for Patterfoob WASPishness.

  77. bats :[
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Man-dew?!?!?!
    Oh, Josh….talk about unsettling….

  78. Paul1963
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Rich @ 71: Well, Nina doesn’t, but she’s 87.

  79. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    50 — re FOOB — “Daddy’s Little Girl” is a helluva lot better than “Butterfly Kisses”. The latter makes me want to shoot myself.

  80. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Arlo ‘n Janis — Gene’s dating a teen MILF behind his parents’ backs?

  81. queek
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    today’s Lio is the most awesome thing I have seen on the funny pages in years, if not ever.

    I also want to strangle each and every person that wrote in to the Freep to get them to return the FOOBtastic glurge to the paper. Today’s strip was literally nauseating to read.

    For those of you wondering, and not on LJ, Brooke forgot to post the Tuesday Pibgorn in time, so we’ll get a double shot tomorrow. Sure wish he could have had the same (lack of) editing in 9CL today as he does for Pibgorn. ;-)

  82. commodorejohn
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Gah, crap, lost most of my post. Reposting:

    9CL – What I learned from 9 Chickweed Lane: Edda’s breasts are an undifferentiated tumor-ish mass on her chest. Or perhaps she has no breasts, and that’s just an unusually-shaped ribcage.

    Crankshaft – Having spent the last forty years building up a strengthened heart to deal with arterial clogging, Ed makes an attempt to drive his son-in-law and her mother to heart attacks. Bravo, Ed.

    Dilbert – Never have I been more thankful to see both of Alice’s hands in plain view.

    FC – My first crack at the Family Circus Of Values is up.

    FOOB – *projectile vomiting*

    FW – I…I dunno, maybe I’m going to anger someone here with this, but Superman is just about the most profoundly uninteresting superhero there ever was. Maybe Spider-Man does spend most of his time bitching at the TV, but at least there’s more than two ways to introduce credible tension to a story featuring him. With Superman, you’re basically limited to either (A) giving the bad guys Kryptonite, or (B) having one of Superman’s few loved ones in danger. Sorry, Pete, that was a major step down.

    GA – Was Skeezix in Japan during World War II? Maybe he brought some kind of lolicon virus back with him.

    MT – Come on, spelunking storyline!

    MW – Toby has a job?

    Momma – EW.

    MC – Heheheh.

    OBH – Best. Punchline. Ever.

    RMMD – The only possible reason Rex could be smiling is because June’s innuendo went over his head. And only Rex could’ve missed it.

  83. teegee
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    #21 Blondie: “That athlete”? Has Dagwood crossed over to the land of Herb and Jamaal?

    I’m very grateful that the vague “That athlete” was used. He could have gone with “That male swimmer in the Speedo”, which, given that Dagwood is reminded of a hot dog, is kinda disturbing.

  84. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    #59 (me):

    “Manos: The Hands of Gil Thorp” farms out all its “chick fighting” scenes to 9CL and Pibgorn.

  85. Astroboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    FOOBs – May a suggest a little wedding music?

    “Go to Hell” – Alice Cooper
    “You Suck” – The Muffs
    “I Hate Everything About You” – Ugly Kid Joe
    “Die, Bitch” – Pussy Galore
    “$1000 Wedding” – Gram Parsons (more like $0 Dollar Wedding)

    And how’s this for a sequence?

    “Tall Paul” -Annette Funicello
    “Eric’s Trip” – Sonic Youth
    “Anthony’s Song (Movin’ Out)” – Billy Joel
    “Divorce Song” – Liz Phair

  86. dale
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    46 – Jemmy – PBS
    I was fairly sure women’s gymnastics didn’t include the rings.
    Also, if all you do is hang there, it doesn’t require a lot of upper body strength. It’s actually easier if you can get yourself upside-down. Then the strain is like trying to lift several heavy suitcases.

  87. Darkefang
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Ok, now let’s try that again, but this time, let’s go for “father and daughter” instead of “Chinatown.”

    RMMD: So what’s making Rex smile? June rubbing her chest up and down his back? Or the picture of a sweaty, shirtless LeBron James in the USA Today sports section?

  88. js
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Unspoken riposte from Dagwood: “Because I’m not that hungry… I just kind of want to roll the hot dogs around in my mouth a while.”

  89. Nekrotzar
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    I think the dialog in the last panel of GA should have gone more like this:

    “Shoot, now what was my great idea again? I got distracted! It had something to do with cars — was it a new kind of tire, no, maybe thighs something to do with the carburetor, hmm, that’t wasn’t it. Maybe breasts the gearbox, or … aw shucks, it must not have been important. Come on, Hoogy, help me get my pants off.”

  90. commodorejohn
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    #85 Astroboy – Let us not forget: Green Day – F.O.D.

  91. Not track 5, not chainsaw juggling
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    A minor nitpick for [b]PBS[/b] today: The women don’t do the rings in gymnastics for precisely the reason that Zeeba mentioned: not enough upper body strength. It’s a men’s event only.

    I hate that I know this.

    Also, I sincerely hope that I get the chance to use the phrase “You’re just an autopsy waiting to happen, aren’t you?” someday.

  92. AsleepOrDead
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    First panel of GA: “SURPRISE BUTT-SEX!”

  93. Darkefang
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    #5 Zaq –

    “And another thing (woo double post woo), why are you teasing us like this, Neal Rubin? Look at today’s Gil Thorp. Look at it! We have Gil and Mimi doing something exciting and totally out of character (since when do the Thorps have a plane? Since when does Milford have an airfield? Is it called AIRFIELD? How is Gil allowed to still use his cell phone in the air? Wait, since when can Gil FLY? So many questions!), we have utter visual nonsense in the second panel (Go ahead and TRY holding a book or sheaf of papers or whatever the hell that is like Mr. Hughes is. Then send me pictures because I won’t believe you otherwise. No photoshop allowed.), a hand that is clearly not Gil’s holding his phone for him… this is what the summer storyline should be about! I hope Gil flies low enough to lop off Elmullet’s head with the wing of the plane and gives us at least another month of Pilot Gil so we can all make Starfox jokes.”

    A while back, I went and read all the old Gil Thorpe strips from the last decade or so. About eight years ago, there was a storyline about Gil getting his pilot’s license and concluded with him flying out to some town in Minnesota(?) for a job interview with some little college. Obviously, Gil decided that he couldn’t leave the hustle and bustle of Milford high school sports for some small midwestern town, but not before Marty Moon found out about the job offer and hilariously wacky hijinks ensued.

    Anyway, I think that was the last time Gil’s piloting skills were mentioned.

  94. Snopester in Exile
    August 12th, 2008 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Yes, I’d say Dennis has succeeded in menacing for a change. Between the cut out ass of his outfit and the phallic object he’s displaying there can be little doubt about what kind of “fun” he has in mind. His words make equally clear the disdain he feels for sitters who won’t join in his “fun”.

  95. DeGroot of All Evil
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Ever notice that One Big Happy’s resident menace says things that sound suspiciously gay? Like describing himself as “fierce”, or in one older one that I can’t track down, I swear he showed off his skater lingo by telling the girl that he “just pulled off a half-chub at the full pipe.”

  96. bats :[
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    72. Calico: oh, allow me (although I did borrow the title from another CCer):
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2756625565/sizes/o/

  97. CortJstr
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Sex with Dagwood actually lasts for hours. Because every 30 seconds or so he looks at Blondie and thinks, “You know what? I could go for some melon!” and runs to the kitchen for a mid-coital snack.

  98. Isaac
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    The Gasoline Alley is obviously just another Joseph Newman, or whatever that guy’s name was.

    Also, it’s a good thing Blondie cut off Dagwood. He was probably going to say something not at all related to the Hot Dogs in the fridge.

  99. AhClem
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute — Toby is a painter, like Luann in A3G?

    That would explain a lot.

  100. Marion Delgado
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Now it’s established Dennis “keeps his mom on her back as often as possible” (and keeps her exhausted), I think that puts his remark to the babysitter in context.

  101. Baka Gaijin
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    #31 CatMoran last thread: I just threw up a lot because, well, it’s FOOB. it’s a conditioned response, like pulling your hand back from the hot stove.

    #12 bats :[ last thread: Are the colors correct in this post? Colorblindness, a hindrance for so many years, now I know why you were bestowed upon me. No clashing colors, just tasteful shades of gray. I’m still throwing up but that’s because it’s FOOB and I have a pukeproof keyboard.

  102. Ichi
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Hillbilly T&A – Gasoline Alley finally has a redeeming feature.

  103. McManx
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    The real most unsettling innuendo for today is actually FOOB. After last week’s incestuous dress up party with April, Dad is now exchanging knowing glances with Liz. This strip has made me vomit so much lately, the acid is taking the enamel off my teeth.

  104. prospero
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Wedding Music:H-A-T-R-E-D by Tonio K.

  105. AhClem
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    ZCZC MIATCPEP4 ALL
    TTAA00 KNHC DDHHMM
    BULLETIN
    FOOB WEDDING ADVISORY NUMBER 15
    NWS TPC/NATIONAL GLURGE CENTER MIAMI FL EP092008
    100 PM EDT TUE AUG 12 2008

    AT 100 PM EDT…0500 UTC…THE CENTER OF GLURGE HURRICANE FOOB WAS
    LOCATED NEAR LATITUDE 46.3 NORTH…LONGITUDE 79.5 WEST OR ABOUT
    10 KM EAST-SOUTHEAST OF NORTH BAY, ONTARIO.

    THE DELUGE IS MOVING OUTWARDS IN ALL DIRECTIONS AT 150 KM/HR. A
    GRADUAL TURN TOWARD THE SOUTH WITH AN INCREASE IN FORWARD SPEED IS
    EXPECTED DURING THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.

    MAXIMUM SUSTAINED TRIPE HAS INCREASED TO NEAR 200 KM/HR…WITH HIGHER GUSTS.
    ADDITIONAL STRENGTHENING IS FORECAST DURING THE NEXT 24 HOURS…AND FOOBS
    COULD ENGULF THE ENTIRE NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT LATER TODAY OR EARLY WEDNESDAY.

    HURRICANE FORCE DRIVEL EXTENDS OUTWARD UP TO 350 KM FROM THE CENTER…
    AND TROPICAL STORM FORCE CHEESY PUNS EXTEND OUTWARD UP TO 900 KM.

    THIS IS A VERY DANGEROUS SITUATION. ALL PERSONS IN THE PATH OF THIS GLURGE
    ARE URGED TO TAKE PRECAUTIONS TO PROTECT LIFE AND PROPERTY. STAY AWAY FROM WINDOWS,
    STOCK UP ON INSULIN AND AVOID NEWSPAPERS AND WEB SITES THAT CARRY ‘FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE’.

    THE NEXT ADVISORY WILL BE ISSUED BY THE NATIONAL GLURGE CENTER AT 800 PM EDT.

    $$
    FORECASTER CLEM

    NNNN

  106. Dingo
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Okay, folks, this is the most current Kyle’s Bed & Breakfast. It’s safe for work. It’s just a conversation between four men. But… think of this strip and imagine the blonde as Elizabeth, the African-American as Paul, and the bearcub as Warren. Nick (Ramones shirt) could be Dawn Enjo or Lawrence or any other FOOB character with some intelligence.

    What Milborough needs and needs NOW is a no-holds-barred face slappin’ drag queen to pull the golden vagina into reality and away from Anthony.

  107. Mars
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    I remember when Rover was a little kid, meaning they’re still having characters grow in Gasoline Alley.

    Shouldn’t Uncle Walt be 197 by now?

  108. Mr. Plow
    August 12th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood has really gone gay in the last week:
    YMCA
    Hot Dogs

  109. Razmytaz
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    105 AhClem

    Thank you for the advisory. I’ve been mopping up glurg all morning. You forgot the remarkable impact this dreadful phenomenon has on the space time continuum, as usually 1 pm EDT works out to 1700 UTC / GMT or what have you.

  110. All Margo\'d Up
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I am so glad that I get this extended time to know all about the “Nearly Free Wedding of the Great Golden Hoo-Ha” before Poet Laureats and Royal Bards compose their epics to this Peon of weddingness and are mandated on reading them aloud yearly to celebrate this so very, very wonderful event.

  111. P
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    27: You forget the joke about Robert Byrd taking his meds!

  112. bats :[
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    101. Baka Gaijin: yep, that tie and crumberbund are pretty much teal.
    Maybe LJ should sell an official Foob Pukeproof Keyboard over at the Foob HQ shop, along with books ‘n’ aprons ‘n’ stuff.

    105. AhClem: spot on! Now all we need are some maps with isobars!

    106. Dingo: that’s a nice comparison, between Kyle’s characters and the Fooblanders. The only difference is that I like seeing Kyle’s folks having sex, and I really never, ever want to see that involving anyone in the Foobiverse…

  113. Astroboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #95 – Just an FYI, Gil’s plane and flying skills are indeed an established fact in the strip, although he hasn’t been seen flying it in several years.

    The last time that I can remember, it was another summer storyline 4-5 years ago, where Gil flew the family on a vacation.

  114. Astroboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    #93 – Just an FYI, Gil’s plane and flying skills are indeed an established fact in the strip, although he hasn’t been seen flying it in several years.

    The last time that I can remember, it was another summer storyline 4-5 years ago, where Gil flew the family on a vacation.

  115. Astroboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    sorry for the double post, I referenced the wrong post.

    i’ll stop now.

  116. trey le parc
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Back in the 80s there was an evening soap about a rich oilman and his complex family. Over the years guest stars attached themselves to the show like remora fish to a shark. Finally, the network decided to shed some cost, and ordered the writers to include a terrorist attack into the climactic season ending wedding cliffhanger. Is a similar resolution too much to demand of Lynn Johnston as she finally draws the curtain on her socially retarded Canadian brood? Is it too much to hope to be included as a badly drawn terrorist screaming “OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE, LIZARDBREATH! YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE! Oh, excuse me, I didn’t see you, Michael. MICHAEL PATTERSON, YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE!!!”

  117. kalki
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Blondie–She didn’t let him finish. Dagwood didn’t get to make his meat and buns joke.

    Dennis–What you can’t see from that angle is that there is a third “drumstick” in view, which explains the babysitter’s expression of confusion.

  118. CanuckDownSouth
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    RMMD I see that despite the occasional topless bedroom scene, there is clearly almost nothing going on “off-screen” in Rex Morgan, otherwise it wouldn’t be a date to circle on the calendar when Rex arrives at breakfast happy.

    And I would like to inform Edge City that, by definition, there are UFOs – unidentified Flying Objects. Anything that hasn’t been reasonably IDed is a UFO. Some things, from pictures or descriptions, could be X, Y or Z – so still, technically, a UFO. What there isn’t is any proof that any UFOs involve the supernatural or live extraterrestrials.

    My fanfic, Foob’s Paradise, continues its wedding(?) countdown here

  119. Paul1963
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Mars @ 107: Walt Wallet is 110 years old in 2008, going by information presented in the strip in 1986 and 2001.

    trey le parc @ 116: That evening soap was Dynasty, and the cliffhanger described was known as “the Moldavian Massacre.” I had given up on the show by that point in the run, but I watched other shows on the same network and they promoted the shit out of it. I’ve been thinking “Moldavian Massacre” for about as long as the Lizthony nuptials have been in the planning stages. I’ve flashed on Kill Bill a few times, too, but nobody in FBorFW looks like they might have it in them to secretly be a killer-for-hire.

  120. Stroker Ace
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Back in the ’84 & ’88 Dagwood said: “Boy, that Greg Louganis is a real hot dog isn’t he?”

  121. Braniff
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    116–Or perhaps they could hire Barbara Edens to blink the FOOB family to Bagdad where the family would get blown up by a land mine!!!

  122. Baka Gaijin
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Brevity: Please please PLEASE let this be Grand Emperor CHENNUX’s rehearsal dinner for the FOOB wedding. Please oh Pretty Please!

  123. Calico
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Hey Kidz!

    Any of you remember these?

    http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/08/12/wacky.packages/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

    I used to collect them and I can still taste the dry, thin, powdery bubblegum included in each pack as I type this.

  124. Donald The Anarchist
    August 12th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    #97 “What’s wrong with you? You’re screwing like a Chinaman!” Couldn’t resist yet another Chinatown reference…

  125. Calico
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    #85 – Or how about Jim’s Big Ego’s “You’re an Asshole”?

  126. Daily Comics Reviewer
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Thanks a lot Gasoline Alley. Everyone get ready for the rush of Blondie/Hoogy hot lesbian fan fiction.

  127. Perky Bird
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Alternate dialogue for today’s Blondie:

    Dagwood: Say those female beach volleyball players are really great. (pause) You know what…?

    Blondie: Yes, dear, we have some nice, juicy melons in the fridge.

  128. T. Chicana
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Foob: I’d settle for a Brady Bunch style honeymoon to Hawaii where we could see a giant tarantula bite Granthony’s pasty ass!

  129. Calico
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    #94 – Maybe Rex could take Dennis on that *ahem* cruise.

    #96 – Oh God Bats my brain is ruined forever
    Well done!

  130. Poteet
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    # 77 bats — Thanks for saying that, because I sure was thinking it.

  131. Poteet
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Foob — Thanks to everyone who commented pungently on today’s strip. I was too busy hurling.

  132. Marthas Rolling Pin
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    #42 Brick Bradford, there may be more to that tin drum than we know.

  133. Hogenmogen
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    123 – Calico – Yeah, I used to love those. I had the whole first series, which would be worth, like, a billion dollars today IF ONLY MYmargo*boxcar*saturn MOTHER DIDN’T THROW THEM AWAY.

  134. Poteet
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    GT — THAT’S the new Gil Thorp? Eww. But hey, I feel much better about how I look compared to the way I looked twenty years ago.

  135. prospero
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood’s watching the Olympics just waiting to hear the remix version of Star Spangled Banner by Walt Whitman (channeled by Garrison Keillor):

    Here on the shore of Baltimore observing the barrage of rockets and bombs from the man o’ war,

    The gunnery mates stripp’d to the waist and glistening with sweat,

    Shouting each to the other and working together in close drill,

    Ramming the powder charge and then the enormous projectile,

    Each of them a man like myself and possessed of secret longings,

    Each of them comely and well-appointed,

    Especially the tall one on the left with black curls and taut abdominal muscles,

    Who looks so long and lovingly at me, a stranger in big boots,

    And I return his gaze—O aficionado, come, take my hand—

    Leave your cannonading and we shall travel the open road

    Where there are no banners except of affection and the love of dear comrades.

  136. Calico
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    #119 – Maybe Cortney and/or Howard Bunt…

  137. Frinkenstein
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    On the contrary, Josh, this could be the most menacing Dennis ever! I don’t think the drop-drawer jammies are an accident. Perhaps he wants the sitter to play “baby thermometer” with him. Or even more menacing-er, he wants HER to be the baby! This is just all they can get away with in a family newspaper.

  138. Gabacho
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth #50,82 &99 – Toby was an artist in Greenwich Village when she met Chinbeard who was drunk on the street. She cleaned him up and they moved to Santa Royale in the 1980′s. I can’t believe I know this – no wonder I can never find my car keys.

    Toby paints miniatures. That was not planned but her first birthday gift for Chinbeard was a Maplethorpe inspired portrait, and well it just came out that way.

  139. AhClem
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    #109 Razmytaz -
    “Thank you for the advisory. I’ve been mopping up glurg all morning. You forgot the remarkable impact this dreadful phenomenon has on the space time continuum, as usually 1 pm EDT works out to 1700 UTC / GMT or what have you.

    Um … yeah, that’s what happened. I didn’t simply have a brain fart and forget to add the extra 12 hours. Really. And if I did, it’s Michael Patterson’s fault.

  140. Gabacho
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth – Anyone really believe that the reproductive chatter will stop? I have the feeling we are getting set up here and an accident named April is about to pop in from FooB.

  141. ThatDangerGirl
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Despite all the speculation as to its cause, I would say in the abscence of actual pictoral evidence we can safely assume child Morgan believes her father’s resigned grimaces to be his form of smiling.

  142. KT
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    After seeing today’s Lio (RAAAR DAGWOOD GNAAARGLE), all the other strips might as well pack it in and call it quits. They will never top that!

    I hope it’s okay to show the strip to my dad in the hospital. He just had heart surgery (everybody wish him luck!) and he’s supposed to clutch a pillow to his chest when coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, throwing up or going potty. They didn’t say anything about laughing; I hope that’ll be all right!

  143. Deborah
    August 12th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp is being handed paperwork by the Phantom Hand, loaned from the comic strip on the next page.

  144. essteess
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    #132-Marthas Rolling Pin, thank you for the “Tin Drum” reference! Certainly a compelling book, and adapted (I thought) very well for film. Let’s just hope Mr. Mitchell doesn’t decide to have eels for dinner some night.

    #138-And thank you, Gabacho, for Toby’s history. (Don’t feel self-conscious about remembering Mary Worth trivia; you should hear all the Marvel Comics late 1960s/early ’70s reminiscences I can summon up) Toby in Greenwich Village? I suppose that — going by the Mary Worth view of Village life — she went around in black leotard and excessive mascara? And really “dug” that “beat poetry,” man.

  145. Calliope
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Weed’s been watching too much America’s (Canada’s?) Next Top Model for that “creative directive” to be anything but a cribbed Tyra Banks creation. “SAY SOMETHING NICE WITCHA EYES” doesn’t have the same sentimentality, but I’m pretty sure she came up with it first.

    ALSO: ridiculously excited to see the return of perpetually horny Viscount Dennis.

  146. Violet
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    It’s kind of amazing how many installments of Pluggers just barely skirt around using the word “trough.”

  147. Perky Bird
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    # 142 KT:
    Today’s Lio is a hoot. I think it will be OK to show it to your dad, but only if you show a few warm-up comics first–start with the mildly amusing ones, and work your way up to this one. That way, his system will be prepared for the belly laughs. (ANd I don’t mean “Belly Laffs” a la Marvin.

    Just whatever you do, don’t show him FOOB. There’s no pillow in the ‘verse big enough to clutch with all the glurge he’d be spewing as a result!

  148. Dan Coyle
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Given how stifling and awful DC superhero editorial is with creative these days, signing an exclusive contract with them is kind of crazy. Or perhaps this is a reference to Batiuk friend and occasional FW ghost writer Sean McKeever?

  149. Paul1963
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Gabacho @ 138: I can describe, in vivid detail, Brenda Starr storylines from the late 1970s and early 1980s (“Only someone whose brain was addled by drugs would disobey me! You’re fired!”). I know great whacking chunks of Wallet family history from Gasoline Alley. I own over 20,000 comic books and can dredge up all manner of DC Comics superhero trivia. And then there’s the TV crap and the movie crap and the vintage American musclecar crap…What I’m saying is, don’t feel bad about knowing Tobey’s origin story from Mary Worth.

  150. gnome de blog
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    138 Gabacho:
    Did Chinbeard already have his Ph.D. during his street rummy days, or did he get it later from Diploma Mill State Tech? And what, pray, is the old boy’s specialty? Or does he teach at Santa Royale CC and style himself Professor just because he’s a pmpous old gasbag?

    Finally, is it true that Chinbeard went by the name “Aristotle Papagoras” during his New York years, and that the current user of that name was put in place by the Witness Protection program?

  151. Ranger
    August 12th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    GT: That is Thorp? I seriously thought that was Elmer Vargas answering the phone.

    SS: Special guest star today, none other than Davy Jones fresh from his stay on the Flying Dutchman. He will next appear at the Bum Boat making scampi for the locals.

  152. Baka Gaijin
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of the Bum Boat, is that Mary at the Bum Boat in this commercial?

  153. TheDiva
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    85 et al: I recommend Weird Al’s “Do I Creep You Out?” for the first dance.

  154. Dingo
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    How many Shamwows do you think Toeby Cameron owns? 10 sets? 30? I figure it takes two shamwows to wipe the sweat off of Ian after sex.

  155. Baka Gaijin
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Dingo: Chamoising a dog? Maybe Mark should have used that instead of the flea dip, saving Andy from the squirrels’ ridicule on Sunday.

  156. Tom the Pirate
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Finally! Today, Marvin‘s mother finally realized that her last chance at happiness ended the moment the sperm hit the egg.

  157. essteess
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    (In case no one’s followed up on this yet)
    #80–Arlo ‘n Janis — Gene’s dating a teen MILF behind his parents’ backs?

    We’ve seen this girl a few times before over the years, but I can’t remember her name (I want to say Martha but I don’t think that’s right). I think she and Gene had a summer thing of some kind, and she wound up breaking his heart; then when he visited her again she was pregnant.

  158. bats :[
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    144. essteess re MW: yes, those were Toby’s salad days (or more likely, sprouts and tofu days), before she traded her beret and Laura Petri slacks in for a headband and velour sweat suit.
    Mary Worth was just beginning to receive Social Security checks, I think.

  159. bats :[
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    158. bats (me): hmmm, I think it’s actually Laura Petrie. I still have MRSA on my mind (and in my nostrils).

  160. spike
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    #158 bats :[ : As far as I know, Mary Worth has always been receiving Social Security checks. The Charterstone landlady story is one of her many covers.

  161. Tom the Pirate
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    It’s nice to see in today’s Sally Forth the loving couple has realized the way to retain some semblance of happiness is to stop the sperm from hitting the egg.

  162. Tom the Pirate
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Ick. The final panel is today’s Foob suggests that it’s John’s, not Anthony’s, sperm that will be hitting Liz’s egg. Of course, that is the only way to keep the Patterson strain pure.

  163. Tom the Pirate
    August 12th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    I know Dilbert is usually going for laughs, but it’s nice to see today’s strip tackling the hard-hitting issue of inter-office masturbation.

  164. Galuaboy
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: OK, I admit to just a cursory skimming of the comments today, but am I the only one to see Cherry and Kelly trapped in a cave and the first thing that comes to mind is a chance for Mark to come to the rescue only to break in on some hot girl-on-girl action?

  165. DAS
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G — they didn’t immediately recognize Tim and Eric’s brother? After all, nobody else has exactly that shade of hair. Is it even possible to produce that shade using any natural dyestuff or pigment?

  166. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    FOOB, Part 2— Since the Pattersons are such wonderful, deserving, perfect people, everyone they know is donating services for their wedding, so they are paying for nothing. But that’s not enough. It’s time for the rest of Canada to join in and support their national treasure! So far, the following patriotic Canadians, besotted with the Pattersons’ wonderfulness, have announced that they, too, will contribute their services free of charge in honor of the most important marriage in Canadian history:

    Celine Dion— Will sing at the wedding and will do a 90 minute concert at the reception.
    Dan Aykroyd— Will be MC at the reception, and will do a one hour stand-up.
    Ice Road Truckers— Will travel from Inuvik to haul the truckloads of gifts provided by Liz’ and Anthony’s legions of admirers to the Air Canada Centre (Thanks, Maple Leafs!), where they will be held in storage until the perfect couple can sort them out.
    Mike Holmes— Will completely remodel Anthony’s house, including the creation of an environmentally friendly dungeon for Francoise.

    If anyone has heard of any other contributors, Canadian or otherwise, please leave a post.

  167. PeteMoss
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Ok, Shoe, let me take a crack at this:

    Shoe: Where do you think you’re going?
    Perfessor: To the drugstore to get some arch supports.
    S: What For?
    P: No, 9 1/2.

    …or

    P: Damn, Shoe, can’t you figure out why anyone would ever buy f*%!ing arch supports?

    …or

    Shoe: Do you have flat feet?
    Perfessor: No, I just like the taste.

    …or

    S: Do you have flat feet?
    P: No, too much arch! I put them in upside-down.

    …or

    S: Do you have flat feet?
    P: No, crows feet. Why do you ask?

  168. Milo
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    From the first panel, it appears that Rover’s genius “gas-saving device” is just him pressing his hands over Hoogy’s butt in an attempt to stifle her farts.

  169. Tom Bombadil
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: I like the way Daisy throws in the reaction shot in panel three, even though there’s really not much of anything to react to. You’ve got to respect that kind of professionalism.

    Boffo: Please, someone explain the joke to me. What is that thing on the judge’s desk supposed to be?

  170. Old School Allie Cat
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    #154 – Dingo – in re: Shamwow – we have a salesguy here at the office who is a deadringer in both looks and cadence as the Shamwow guy.

    He’s a complete prick, but I amuse myself in meetings picturing him picking up a gallon of water with his superior, German made Shamwow.

  171. your father isn't mr. cohen
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    #164: You know that in Mark Trail, even if there was any kind of sex going on at any time, it would be depicted in the least hot manner possible.

  172. Master Mahan
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Dennis has his pants undone, he’s holding two sticks, and he’s asking a teenage girl if she’s ready for some “fun”. Forget Dennis the Menace; he’s just jumped all the way to Dennis the Future Sex Offender.

  173. trey le parc
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Cathy: Have you experienced glee lately? Pure, unadulterated joy? An experience so satisfying and pure that you hope to experience it over and over and over again? It happens for me every day when I turn to the comics page and see that Cathy’s exile is still in full force. I imagine Cathy lying in a fetal position, naked pale and bloated, a pile of discarded swimsuits strewn accusingly across the floor, sobbing quietly (Cathy, not the pile of swimsuits, although I can see their point, if they ARE also sobbing quietly; after all, they just saw Cathy’s clam), increasingly becoming undone by her rejection at the hands of America’s Finest City. Oh, yeah. That’s good chicken.

  174. crossbuck
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    #32
    I finally got why she’s called Hoogy! She’s the reincarnation of Dorothy Hoogstraten aka Stratten, and he’s gonna go all Star 80 on her ass.

  175. R. W. Watkins
    August 12th, 2008 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    From where I stand, that Blondie strip doesn’t even make much sense; it has an incongruous nature bordering on the nightmarish. It’s even remotely reminiscent of Ed Wood’s film scripts.

  176. 4EvahFan
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “You’re a beauty — I’m so proud of you.” What the hell does that mean? “You’ve grown into a thoughtful, intelligent woman (ha!) — I’m so proud of you.” “You’ve gotten everyone to do favors for this wedding and I’m getting of pretty easy — I’m so proud of you.” “You’ve chosen a good man for a husband (ha!) — I’m so proud of you.” OR “You’re a beauty — I’ve looked forward to this day for years.” “You’re a beauty — your grandmother would be very proud seeing you in what remains of her dress.” You don’t beam pride to your daughter because you think she’s a babe.

  177. gnome de blog
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    164, Galuaboy:

    Actually, no you weren’t. At least you weren’t the first to speculate about the hot girl-on-girl action part.

    However, I don’t think anybody has mentioned the possibility of the three-way with the mama mountain lion yet.

  178. gnome de blog
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    166 Alfred:

    Special Glurge Appearance by Paul Anka singing his hit song, “You’re Having My Baby.”

  179. Eric the baker
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Foob wedding reception music: Everyday I Love You Less and Less – Kaiser Chiefs

    And I also heard that Red Green and his nephew Harold were giving the happy couple a week of free lodging at the Opossum Lake Hideaway, for their honeymoon.

  180. Tabby
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    171 and being observed by some kind of giant forest-dwelling animals

    love me that Lio – didja see the “garnish” on top of Zombie D’s monster-wich? It’s the details that demonstrate mastery, Padwan.

    also love me that Capt’n Thunder!! SO glad you’re back!!!!

  181. commodorejohn
    August 12th, 2008 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    #179 Eric the baker – I think even Possum Lodge has some standards.

  182. Eric the baker
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    #181 commodorejohn – usually I’d agree with you…but this of course is one of Red’s crackpot schemes to make the lodge look good. See, he figures that since all of Canada is rooting for this mating, that if they conceive the “saviour” at the “Possum Lake Hideaway and Honeymoon Hut”, the lodge can milk the bounty of that for years. Of course in the end it’ll all fall apart in some slapstick way that will be revealed just before meeting time.

  183. commodorejohn
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #182 Eric the baker – Ah, now I gotcha :)

  184. RichterCa
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Given the average prep-time for takeoff of even a small, two-man, single-engine airplane – even assuming that Gil had takeoff clearance the instant he got in the thing – that phone conversation must have lasted a good half-hour. I hope the parts we missed were even remotely interesting, just to offset the fantastically boring parts we heard.

    Also: I may be missing something here, but the tail of the word balloon in Panel 3 seems to imply that Coach Katz is saying those lines, but any logical reading would have them spoken by Jimmy’s father. Wait, what am I saying? This is Gil Thorp. Logic? Pttttttthb.

  185. Valley of the Foobs
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    118 CanuckDownSouth, it’s a shame you’re not the artist drawing FBOFW. Your work is infinitely superior to that of the strip. Of course, there’s not much anyone can do with the so-called plot.

    I think having the much anticipated* Liz-Blandthony Nuptials take three weeks is very clever, by the way. The last wedding I went to seemed to go on for about that long. Maybe Lynn Johnston is being satirical? Or ironic?

    Naw.

    *Dreaded.

  186. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Today’s installment of Mary Worth Hand Puppet Theater Featuring Jane Jetson as Toeby and Dr. Zaius as Professor Ian Cameron, Ph.D.

  187. Anonymous
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth History – I just remembered where I learned the back story on Toby – it was right here in ‘mudgeland. http://joshreads.com/?p=1046

    An exotic name indeed!

    Also, #149 Paul, are still following Brenda Starr? It’s one of the great delights on modern comic stripping and just as insane as ever, but in a cool, sexy way.

  188. Gabacho
    August 12th, 2008 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    #187^^^ That was me I was so excited to remember the 1980′s strip on Mary Worth… Sorry… I have to go to the bathroom now.

  189. Rainbird
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    118 CanuckDownSouth
    I am loving reading your take on Foob. The levels change made it a lot easier to read today.

    I agree with a lot of what you are pointing out.

    I also agree with Valley of the Foobs that it would be a far better strip if you took it over. :)

  190. Jnoble
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Anyone else read this as an obvious sexual come-on? I mean, his ass is half out of his pajamas anyway

    And just what does he have in mind with that drumstick?

  191. christian
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    er… isn’t Funky Winkerbean now drawn by John Byrne, who drew and wrote Superman through most of the 90s – including giving him his mullet, doing that Superman Red/Superman Blue storyline and all that? so this would be a shout-out/reference

    i’m not a Superman fan tho

  192. Hank
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    RE: 191, Christian, FW. While Byrne is doing a fair amount of artwork on Funky (though I think its primarily character designs and Sunday strips), he actually did very little work on Superman in the 1990s (if any).

    Byrne took over Superman in 1987 or so, right before his 50th anniversary, stuck around for a year or two, got in a pissing match with the editors over something trivial (which is a pretty common occurrance with Byrne) and quit.

    It was the team that followed him (including Roger Stern and Dan Jurgens as a recall) who came up with the mullet and Superman Red/Blue.

  193. Dingo
    August 12th, 2008 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    Hey, y’all. Just a goodbye for now and a few days. I start moving my stuff into the new apartment tomorrow and won’t have a computer until early next week. The missives I’ll miss! The earthshaking plot of Mary Worth! Jesse throwing a knife during the ring ceremony and slicing off Anthony’s fingers. Brad and TJ sodomizing each other in the back of Luann’s car.

    If you are in the Chicago area next Tuesday, please join us at Grant Park for An Affair to Remember at 8:15. A 1950s weepie that today is just a hotbed of camp. How can you hate an ending line of “Oh, Nicky, if you can paint then I can walk again!”

  194. bats :[
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    193. Dingo: my god, Wednesday’s A3G is just like “An Affair to Remember”!
    Sort of.
    “Oh, Eric, if you can walk, you can drag me bodily out of here!”

  195. christian
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    thanks Hank… wasn’t sure if it was 80s or 90s. i didn’t find out that he was on FW until someone on TV Tropes said something like ‘in the 80s John Byrne wrote Superman and later controlled most of Marvel. now he draws Funky Winkerbean’
    this is a lesson about being nice
    still, my point stands… a Superman ref is a shoutout
    i reckon somebody should do a funky winkerbean style Superman story, though maybe alan moore’s ‘whatever happened to the man of tommorow’ counts

  196. bats :[
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    A few hump-day observations:

    MW: mmmm, mmm! Now there’s a birthday dinner,,,Orange paste AND yellow paste! Oh, my god! And round, green things! Ian, you are a lucky, lucky bastard!

    Mutts: okay, I’ll admit it — I love the mollusc! (No, it doesn’t make me bi-valvular.)

    RMMD: just a random thought: I’ll bet Rex would be a lot more “on board” with the cruise idea if it was on a boat with the Phantom spandexing all over it.

    FOOB: dang, Asshathony still looks like a schmuck. Aren’t grooms supposed to look a little better on their wedding day, too? (Maybe the combination of lavender tie and Grey Poupon-colored hair has something to do with it.)
    Please, CDS! Make this better! PLEASE!

  197. Poteet
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Foob — “Tell me something, Gordon, on this very special day. If your wife should shuffle off this mortal coil, join the choir celestial — you know, DIE — would you look for another one? I know you want to ponder that question right now because I myself am pondering how to put MY first wife in the obituary column. She doesn’t show up very often, but she’s a loose end I’d really like to tie up. So to speak.”

  198. True Fable
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    C’haft Run, Rose! RUN!! His favorite ride is his personal stick horse!
    (WT)DT And so Dick killed off another foe. Tomorrow we will probably get a close-up of the grisly deed.
    FC Jeffy is inspired; he thinks the Lincoln statue is a full-size model, and that someday Jeffy and his siblings will have bodies to match their oversized heads.
    FBoFW “a lot of crazy circumstances”, Gordo? What, like Anthony being married to Therese while emotionally cheating on her with Liz? Or Anthony’s Pornstache phase? Or Liz’s screwing around with Paul or Warren adventures? – say, why do you care anyway? Was it an order to care from the Pattersons who hold your mortgage horses?
    JP Judge Parker must be getting his book published by the same nincompoops who published Mike Patterson’s piece of shit.
    Luann omg, does TJ have a sister or something? Why is the library woman SMILING like that, then?
    MT The last time Cherry sat like that, she was trying to seduce Mark. Hmmm.
    MW Toby wins the Sappiest Expression award this week.
    RMMD Although June is ready for the Romantic Cruise already by dressing in something from the Sluts Sportswear collection, Rex is being coy about what the latest Guest Sickie wants. But hey, check out his hair in panel three – Rex’s hair is not slicked back! He… he actually looks human rather than like Bullethead Man!

  199. DarkAudit
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    DT: So… cold-blooded murder it is. Hope ya got a good lawyer, Dick.

  200. Poteet
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    # 199 Dark Audit — You said it. Did I miss the explanation of why shooting the dogs is totally out of the question? Is it against Dick’s religion or something?

  201. Mibbitmaker
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Wedding-less-day:

    9CL: Hey! He’s stealing Mel Blanc’s drunk-stutter bit (itself a variation of the Porky Pig bit)!

    DT: I dunno about those dogs. When they went after Shirl, they just pulled her clothes apart. Now that Baskerville’s their target, they just stand over him, growling and gnashing their teeth over him while his jacket disintigrates on its own. This from a strip that once, during Gould’s glory days, showed a thing of spikes slowly piercing a villian’s forehead while a caption graphically describes the visible bleeding.

    FOOB: “Alot of crazy circumstances” is exactly why I don’t want to see them get married! And I mean every crazy circumstance in this decade/century/millenium.

    GA: Spies from Mark Trail, apparently.

    GF: Seems Bucky misunderstands the Revolver album, too. (Really cool, btw, Darby!)

    Manos: The Hands of Gil Thorp: Every panel from a different town! Should make the Sunday strips interesting. Or not.

    Luann: Just don’t pull a Liz Patterson-in-Mtiguffin on them, Luann.

    MW: Birthday boy’s beard can’t decide whether or not it’s attached to sideburns.

  202. moe99
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    Stop me if someone else has said this before but I thought an innuendo was an Italian suppository.

  203. Mr. Plow
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Holy Duplicates, Batman! They’ve perfected cloning in Luann-land!

  204. Dr. Weird
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    DT:

    Shirl Locke has human eyes now! Of course, her lips have separated into two pieces… or else someone drew a mustache on her.

  205. Farley's Revenge
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    #166 Alfred E. Neuman said:

    If anyone has heard of any other contributors, Canadian or otherwise, please leave a post.

    Les Stroud, the Survivorman, has offered to show them how to survive on an ice floe above the Arctic Circle.

    As for songs one wouldn’t want to hear during the daddy/daughter dance, I submit “Stealing Cinderella”. I have heard that song done live. I was sitting on the frozen tundra of an outdoor venue and all I could think about was my frigid butt. Ah, the memories.

    And today’s FOOB: Words fail me, mainly because I’m too busy trying not to wretch on my keyboard.

  206. Farley's Revenge
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    Bob & Doug McKenzie have offered to be bartenders.

    (Now I’m humming their Christmas song: “And a be-eer in a tree!”)

  207. Nurse with a penis
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    Dingo – I’m in Chicago too, though I work eves and cain’t do An Affair to Remember. Partner and I will be at Grant Park Orchestra FRIDAY though. Good luck with the move.

  208. Trilobite
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    Catching up with Wednesday’s comics:

    Gil Thorp: Shain Tech has a serious image problem if people are fleeing their homes rather than take a phone call from them.

    Judge Parker: So first Cheatham made what seems like the dumbest bet in history: “Uh, I’ll give you the $100,000 advance if you hit the ball further than I can…and if you can’t, I’ll just give you a $50,000 advance.” But now Sam steps up with an even dumber bet: “Hey, how about if I can do that again, you give me another $100,000 advance, but if I can’t, you don’t give me any advance at all?” I can’t help but get the impression that between panels both of them are drinking very, very heavily.

    Mary Worth: Whatever else you might say about Toby, she knows exactly what kind of lame-ass present her lame-ass husband will appreciate most. I’m even inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt on the “it wasn’t easy” comment, despite the fact that she only visited one store and then bought it online; the hard part wasn’t really finding the DVD, but rather the strain of pulling all the tattered shreds of her ruined, desolate soul so that she could just barely care enough about Ian to buy him a gift in the first place. Seriously, that’s going above and beyond the call of duty in Mary Worth, where serving someone a plate of lurid yellow globs masquerading as “shrimp scampi” is considered to be a satisfactory replacement for angry make-up sex.

    Rex Morgan: NOOOOOoooOOO! Aw man, we were so close, too. For a brief shining moment it looked like the cruise ship storyline was actually going to happen, complete with the awkwardness of Rex and June trying to be “romantic” and possibly even having to pay attention to their child, but NO, now there’s some frickin’ regatta and some ominous Lenore Foster chick who apparently wants the same thing every year around regatta time. And somehow I doubt it’ll be able to be handled as simply as a doctor’s letter certifying her free of venereal diseases that she can show to the sailors, or an industrial-sized crate of performance-enhancing drugs, or whatever; no, she’s going to have some kind of inane and poorly-explained non-medical problem and we’re going to see it resolved over the course of several months, and the whole cruise will never happen after all.

  209. A Lemur
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    DT:
    (DA’s office) ‘Liz is on the line, it’s about Tracy.’
    ‘Oh God! Not another grizzly death! We haven´t been able to bring a case to trial in years. What is it this time, acid bath? Smokestack? Mangled by machinery? Not another crossbow incident?’
    ‘No, it appears the perp has been… eaten.’
    ‘…eaten?…’
    ‘Yes. By a pack of wild dogs. In a bank. In front of witnessess.’
    DA: (Sob)

  210. A New Day
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    MT: So Mark Trail has devolved into a ‘man-rescues girls’ story. I can’t express how surprised I’m not by this development.

  211. Someone from Texas....
    August 13th, 2008 at 4:40 am [Reply]

    166: A E Neumann …”Since the Pattersons are such wonderful, deserving, perfect people, everyone they know is donating services for their wedding, so they are paying for nothing. But that’s not enough. It’s time for the rest of Canada to join in and support their national treasure!….”

    David Cronenburg, Canadian Film Maker, will retell the romance of Liz & Anthony in his next film. Once again, he will tackle the question: “What is real?”

    The same marriage date–used again..& again & again? The groom’s parents–unknown to the bride’s family, despite their long interest in the “wholesome”young man? Or drunken child-abandoners? The mysterious dark lady–the first wife? Or shrunken into a dark child, locked in her basement cell? Cranes transmogrifying into crows. Swirling colors/colours not found in nature. All the characters moving jerkily about, their actions controlled by a Mysterious Puppeteer–who threatens to end this reality & start it all over again, with “changes.”

    Cronenberg’s fearlessness in presenting gut-wrenching grossness will be tested in The Wedding Banquet scene…

  212. DanKirby
    August 13th, 2008 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    Two different strips mentioned “Green Eggs and Ham” today. (GF and Luann) Interesting.

  213. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 13th, 2008 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Oh, permit me enumerate the many felicities of humor in today’s Shoe:

    1. Golf (LOL).
    2. They’re birds (ROFL).
    3. The bird lady can’t cook (OMGWTFLOLOL).

  214. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 13th, 2008 at 5:28 am [Reply]

    Wednesday stuff
    GA— As if yesterday’s Lio wasn’t enough, Dagwood puts in yet another guest appearance, this time disguised as a great horned owl.
    Enough for now. Almost time for breakfast. For some reason, I feel like having green eggs and ham.

  215. Saluki
    August 13th, 2008 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    Wow! I was reading Gasoline Alley and a Mark Trail strip broke out.

  216. gleeb
    August 13th, 2008 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    9CL: You dismiss the ramrod, you don’t get the ramrod.

    Curtis: Notice she didn’t mention the hat, Curtis. No one would miss that damn thing.

    Dick: WRUF, all attack-dog radio!

    ‘bean: Oh, Mopey Pete, you’ve instinctively revealed your soft underbelly. You’re tomorrow’s Stromboli special now.

    GA: Yes, Rover, it’s an advanced patrol from Mark Trail.

    H&J: Unable to refer to anything generically through Jamaal’s thoughts, Bentley uses the most generic of all posters, “Post No Bills”.

    Ziggy: Tired of his life, Zig’s going to get a copy of The King in Yellow.

  217. Ducky
    August 13th, 2008 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    That must have been some summer school Curtis attended. Every woman there changed races!

  218. John C Fremont
    August 13th, 2008 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    # 212 DanKirby – Yeah, I noticed that, too. Hmm…

    # 215 Saluki – You made me laugh more than I ought to at this hour, what with the young ‘uns still asleep and all.

    MW – I see Toby has borrowed Mary’s cookbook again. You’re a lucky bastard, Ian. Well, I don’t know about “lucky,” but I’m pretty sure I got the “bastard” part right.

    Mmm. Orange glop served with off-white glop and – green beans? Toby, you’d better put those beans in the food processor for another five minutes. After all, WWMD?

    RMMD – Oh, that Lenore Foster! Always up to mischief around regatta day! But I think June and Rex both know she’s barking up the wrong tree.

  219. Whippersnapper
    August 13th, 2008 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Foob: Yes, Anthony, this time you have the right girl- the only person in the world with less spine than you. I’m sure you and Liz will produce delightfully wishy-washy, whiny children for Elly to control.

    FC: Yes, he was Jeffy. And he comes back to life each night to devour idiotic melon-headed children who never shut up.

  220. Weaselboy
    August 13th, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m imagining the next few strips in my head, and it always ends with Mark punching Kelly in the jaw. Either this strip is completely entrenched in tradition, or I’m just a sick bastard.

  221. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 13th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Well this is pretty much a disappointment. I was hoping for at least some kind of party where Ian would pan the cheap wine and the cheese tray Toby picked up from Wal-Mart. Instead it’s another boring dinner, but with documentaries!

  222. And The
    August 13th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Now that’s we’ve finally seen the infamous Tim, Eric’s brilliant plan starts to spring into action! Apparently he’s going to pick up Tim and carry him out of China. BTW, why the hell should I care about Tim and Nora, anyway?

    DT: Too bad in the time it took Tracy to take your whistle, walk over to the frenzied hounds, casually give the whistle to Shirl Locke and for Shirl to start using the whistle to call off the dogs, you couldn’t have found a door to step behind or a table to step onto, criminal mastermind. Although given that these dogs are apparently bulletproof and have superspeed, they probably can fly and bite through solid steel.

  223. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 13th, 2008 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Uhmm, I’m pretty sure a Plugger line dance is, you know, a line dance. Just try to keep a Plugger off the floor when Electric Slide starts playing.

  224. And The
    August 13th, 2008 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    220: Weaselboy, if I had my druthers, Cherry would be strangling Kelly right now and working out how to make it look like the cave-in did her in. Of course, I’m still bitter that JJJ didn’t fall to his death in Spider-Man and remove his incredibly lameass character from the strip.

  225. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 13th, 2008 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    9DQ: Really, Isobel, if you can’t think of a way to put to use a young man having regular abdominal spasms, you aren’t the carnal genius you purport to be.

    A3G: Yeah, you say now you’ll carry him, until you realize that he’s been that way for days, and the toilet is on the other side of the room. “Um, on second thought, you need your bed rest to get better! See you in a w… month! See you in a month!”

    BF: In the last panel, Danny’s listening to music on a 20-year-old cassette player, watching Family Guy, playing a video game, and wearing his Plantronics headset waiting for Rex Morgan’s call on the Hot Teen Chat Line. Hey, Legend of Zelda: Quest for the Yellow Rain Poncho wasn’t cheap, a boy’s gotta make money somehow.

    Blondie: Ha ha ha! It’s funny because it references the Olympics… which are going on right now! Oh, I am so looking forward to another week and a half of this.

    Curtis: The race-changing gets even worse: The kid on the right side of panel 1 is supposed to be Andy.

    (WT)DT: You don’t need a metal whistle to call the dogs off. You know how to whistle, don’t you? You just put your lips together and blow. …Oh, oops, looks like your lips were just torn off… well, never mind, then.

    Also: Mr. Baskerville’s suits by Phlebotomy 500.

    FC: “Yes, Jeffy, he is. And he really doesn’t like noisy children. So if you’re really, really quiet until we get on the plane, he won’t wake up and stomp you into a red smear on the sidewalk.”

    JP: Yaaay! The judge has his $100,000 advance! Now can this plotline be OVER and can we get back to Neddy and Cedric and the American sociology student in the leopard-print bustier in Paris, pleeeease?!?

    MT: “They have to find us first!” Maybe they can follow the trail of chalk-white, volleyball-sized, Jackelrod-emblazoned goat droppings.

    MW: Oops. Looks like Toby accidentally ordered not the documentary on Scotland narrated by Sean Finnery, but Scotland, Terry Gilliam’s dystopic sequel to Brazil, starring Terence Stamp as the butler.

    Pluggers: Really? That’s a “Plugger line dance”? ‘Cause if anybody would enjoy doing the regular kind of line dance, it would be a Plugger.

    RMMD: “It’s regatta time… I know what she wants! Now where did you store my endoscope and my pirate costume?”

    6C: Um… hwa? Somebody explain to Piccolo the difference between funny-haha and funny-strange.

    SFx: 5. Hot chicks typically surf wearing wide-leg capri pants. False. 6. Weber could draw a hot chick in a bikini if he really wanted to. True. Or a wetsuit. Yeah! A wetsuit! 7. I’m going to hold my breath and not talk to Weber again until he does. True. And make it a catgirl!

  226. D.A. Pennington
    August 13th, 2008 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB: Yes Anthony you’ll have the perfect marriage.

    . . . or at least more perfect than Lynne’s marriage.

  227. Jesse Cline
    August 13th, 2008 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Today’s Baldo really demonstrates the ancient artistic skills of tracing and photoshop. It looks like a friggin Hanna Barbera cartoon.

  228. Anonymous
    August 13th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    #179 – Oh, yay, someone mentioned Possum Lodge! Yeah, Mr. Anonymous and I stayed there for our honeymoon! It was really, really cheap, too! We had a gift basket in our room full of butter tarts, beer, and duct tape! Also, ‘buy one/get one free’ dinner at the Denney’s in Port Asbestos!…

    (shame about what happened to Leonard after Northern Exposure, isn’t it? )

  229. Just_human
    August 13th, 2008 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Wait.. there’s an actual Possum Lodge? Or it is inspired by the show?

    Man, I remember when Red Green was huge. Iowa always won during the telethons.

  230. kalki
    August 13th, 2008 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley–Rover lucked out to marry into trailer trash with a major rack. I wonder if he goes all motorboat on those?

  231. commodorejohn
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    9CL – END END END END END

    A3G – And so Eric carries Tim up to the Crack of Doom, where they run into Gollum and…oh, wait, wrong story.

    Crankshaft – I’m trying very hard to not think about what that first panel implies.

    Curtis – Okay, first, what the hell. Second, that is not what Larry Fine’s hair looked like.

    DT – I do believe that’s the first time I’ve seen “GNASH” used as an onomatopoeia.

    FC – Second guest-strip for The Family Circus Of Values is up.

    FOOB – Oh God, he’s wearing a bowtie? It wouldn’t be a…*checks goComics*…yes. Yes, he’s wearing a lavender bowtie. To his wedding. Jeez, that would look stupid on Easter. It’s official: this strip is now a crime against everyone and everything that ever was.

    GA – So…inventing a gas-saving device makes you asexual and insane?

    Lockhorns – It’s a rare Lockhorns that makes me laugh out loud, but today was one of those days.

    MT – Come on, Morlocks!

    Momma – Just trip her, dumbass.

    Monty – Did…did Monty just get the phrased “sucked off the honey nuts” printed in the newspaper? Seriously? Wow.

    Edison Lee – What…I…but…um…uh…NO THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

  232. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    8/13

    So Diesel Sweeties is back on the net full time. Oh well, it was a worthwhile experiment for the newspaper funnies. Moving along…

    MT: Thank you for the exposition, Mr. Ram. Sure you don’t have a Dodge commercial to shoot?

    MW: Ian and Toeby’s birthday supper in the Nondescript Room could scare more people off marriage in two panels than an entire year of Lockhorns.

    DT: So it’s Baskerville who’s being torn limb-from-limb by his own vicious dogs. It’s moments like this that make Dick glad he didn’t go into sales.

    Archei: At least Reggie didn’t say, “Archie can’t play tennis, but (BOB HOPE CAMERA MUG) he sure knows how to make a racket.”

    Phantom: The callousness of Ghost-Who-Tags-Along is nothing new, but what’s up with the CLANG!? Did that goon have a plate in his head?

    S4th: Ted shaves?

    A3G: Now for phase two: Sneaking Tim onto the plane home as a really lanky baby.

    GA: No, Fido, the creatures of the forest are just preparing for a Disney musical sequence.

    Big Dog: No, my definition of “delivering” a pizza does not equate to dropping it on the lawn so the Steroid Hound can get to it. If that’s as much effort as you’ll put into the job, there’s a downsized factory worker or Russian doctor who’s willing to replace you.

    C-Shaft: Um, is Rose about to get a ride on Crankshaft’s crankshaft? Good luck getting a private tent.

  233. Niall
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Okay, I’ve checked, no mention here.

    The webcomic Funny Farm, written and drawn by a Canadian, has a hilarious poke today at Lynn Johnston and Foob. And Tim Horton’s. And Conrad Black. Okay, so for any Canadian, it’s uproaringly hilarious, but still. :)

  234. Calico
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    #221 – Another boring dinner with orange glop, though.
    Nothing is too good for Chinbeard.

    FOOB – Wait ’til Gordon gets wasted at the reception and suggests wife-swapping and key parties to Anthony. Heh.

  235. Brick Bradford
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    DT: Apparently this is the elite Barney Fife SWAT Team–the one that isn’t allowed any bullets. They are excellent at waving their arms and yelling “Disperse!” in a high quavery voice, though.

  236. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    #216 gleeb,
    Wow, didn’t see a King in Yellow reference coming. Zig might have to settle for a dog-eared Necronomicon.

  237. CanuckDownSouth
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    196-Bats Foob’s Paradise is still in Elly’s therapy recapland, but, I assure you, there will be no glurgy wedding at the end of these events.

    As a matter of fact, a major happening to prevent that occurs in my post today

  238. Anonymous
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    tuesday
    GA – You can tell she’s seventeen, because sixteen’s too young to be married, and when them comic-strip mountain gals gets to be eighteen, they start looking just like Loweezy.

  239. Ranger
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    RMVD: Why is June putting toilet paper on the breakfast table?

  240. Astroboy
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    FOOBs – Notice how Anthony doesn’t say “I’m marrying the girl I love,” he says “the right girl.” As in, “everybody tells us it’s right for us to get married, so that’s as good a reason as any.”

    Let the Settleocolypse begin!

  241. Lake Eerie
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    #225, TSSB: “Scotland, Terry Gilliam’s dystopic sequel to Brazil, starring Terence Stamp as the butler.”
    Sounds terrific! I’ve never seen it – is it one of those films Gilliam went way over-budget on before having the whole project collapse?

  242. Darkefang
    August 13th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Curtis: I’ve forgotten what kind of class Curtis was taking. Was it math? Or a seminar on melanin injections?

    GT: Football season must be starting next week, since Rubin’s fast-forwarding through the rest of this summer storyline snoozefest.

    MW: White mush, yellow mush, plain white china and a documentary about rainy mountains and sheep. My god, we’re the most boring people in a comic strip about old ladies gossiping about their neighbors.

    RMMD: Wait, what? Hospice sailboat regatta? They let terminally ill people race sailboats?

  243. CanuckDownSouth
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Today A3G and DT compete for the highly coveted Wouldn’t Make The Grade As A B-Movie Plot award. Eaten by dogs? In a room filled with guns? Well, I’ll see you that and raise you Unguarded prison infirmary inside a tourist site, which is apparently filled with Westerners giving each other piggy-back rides, because that is so not going to stand out.

    However, A3G chose a good time for reunion between the brothers. Compared to Gordon’s marriage peptalk, this is touching and realistic dialogue. (Can the entire town of Milborough please quit acting like arranged-marriage facilitators?)

  244. Gordo's Cat
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    #231 — Actually, I saw GNASH used as a sound effect in an old Mad Comic story from the 60′s, “Melvin of the Apes.” The jungle lord Greystroke is at a high class dinner party when he suddenly attacks the roast suckling pig with his knife (“Now! N’gunga the pig! Taste the blade of my steel tooth!”) followed by him devouring it (Slop, slop GNASH bite chew, grrr…) Needless to say, it was a lot funnier than today’s Dick Tracy strip.

  245. Calico
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    RM – Coming up-a very special story about the dangers of steroids!

  246. T. Chicana
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Foob: Just what in the Good God Damn is Gordo talking about? What did he “see them through?” He saw Assthony through being a single dad who drove his wife away with his soggy cinnamon bun attitude? How is that “crazy?” Or is he talking about that wacky rape trial where Assthony sealed the deal by showing Train Perv John what a great guy he is? I…I just…HATE them all so much. We have another week and a half of this? I’ll be in the vomitorium if you need me.

  247. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    MW:
    Toeby says “Happy Birthday, Ian!”
    Ian says “For me? Thanks! It’s a …documentary. On… Scotland. Wow. And I’m from Scotland, so I already pretty much know its history. Gee, thanks, Toeby. You shouldn’t have. Ok, enough of the gag. Where’s the real gift?”

  248. gnome de blog
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Ian’s from Scotland? When do we get to see what a fat guy looks like in a skirt?

  249. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Stripey Ass has temporarily changed his name to Check Out My Stripey Package.

  250. Muffaroo\\\'s Alter Ego
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    238 was me. My main computer’s acting wacky, so I’m on the backup. Anyway…

    Mibbitmaker @7 re: Dog. Everything Marmaduke eats ends up in the vicinity of his tail in about four seconds. This is why, if the Winslows had even rudimentary brains, they’d feed him outside, preferably over a pit.

    Mr. O’Malley @13 – - …. .- -. -.- …. . .- …- . -. ..-. — .-. .-.. . . – -.- . -.– - . -..- – – .-. .- -. … ..-. — .-. — . .-. !

    Alfred E. Neuman @15 – Those propellor ties are a rip. They turn slowly for two seconds and burn out forever. After the first time you manage to talk them into exchanging it, and the second one does the same, you lose heart.

    Captain Thunder @16 – A fine insight! I won’t hex it by suggesting any particular honor for it, but… [point! point! gesticulate!]

    Frank Parsnip @26 – ITYM “The Hills Have Eyes,” though a friend of mine does use that tune to sing, “The hills have the eyes / of a thousand mu-tants…” Fortunately, he stops there.

    Lolsworth @33 – I’m going to have to start skimming, or I’ll have 45 comments by the time I get to the end of this. That said, I applaud your keen discernment of Dagwood’s inner life..

  251. Muffaroo's Alter Ego
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    DT – That Baskerville guy is some genius. Couldn’t be arsed to spend an extra $1.29 for a back-up whistle. Not that it matters — his fate was sealed when he announced his name anyway. (And if the folk wisdom is true, after the dogs take two bites, he’ll be able to hit those high notes with his voice.)

    FC – “Was Abe Lincoln really that big?” Good question, Billy! Who drew this thing, anyway? “Ida Know!” “Not Me!” “Klip Art!”

    Luann – Jesus, it’s the Luann Kids! There’s tiny-tot versions of Tiffany, TJ, another TJ, and the “Hoo!” guy from FOOB. Let’s try a little experiment: Hey, kids! It’s time for some delicious castor oil! “YAY!” Anybody want a boot to the head? “YAY!” Okay, I think that’s enough. Wait — what does a cow say? “YAY!” Okay, now that’s enough.

    (Note to self: when I preview a comment, it surreptitiously adds \\\s to the Name field, before the apostrophe. Very strange.)

  252. Anonymous
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Ian’s from Scotland? When do we get to see what a fat guy looks like in a skirt

    Soon, I hope, soon.

    Anyone else hungry for hotdogs?

  253. Patrick
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    From the positioning of their chairs, I have to assume that Dagwood keeps Blondie from ever watching the television.

  254. Uncle Lumpy
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    #222 And The said –

    BTW, why the hell should I care about Tim and Nora, anyway?

    Because their frickin’ daughter Katy is a lovely young woman. I mean, Jeez!

  255. odinthor
    August 13th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    MT — While the ladies are nattering in the cave, the story turns abruptly to a star-crossed romance and elopement between a fallen tree and a mountain goat. Thank god.

    MC — But . . . but that’s not what “begs the question” means. {pedant mode} It means to assume as true a point being questioned, not “prompts the question.” {/pedant mode}

    RMMD — “Speaking of cruising,” said Rex, with a big smile on his face, “Don’t wait up for me tonight.”

    SFx — Actually, the sport of surfing got started in Austria by Capt. Von Trapp of the Austrian Navy, as a concomitant of his family’s escape from the Nazis during WWII. The movie The Sound of Music had a whole choreographed musical number based on this, unfortunately cut from the final release. The music for the number subsequently became a hit for the Von Trapp family singers as “Good Vibrations” after they changed their stage name to the Beach Boys. Not many people know this.

  256. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    255 Odinthor
    Oh my, what a fabulous site of pedantry you’ve linked to.

    The little known fact that “begs the question” doesn’t mean what 95% percent of people think it means has ruined that expression for me. Not least is the linguistic problem that if 95% percent of people (and OK, I made up that statistic) think an expression means one thing, then maybe that is what it means. Semantic shift: cf. “silly”.

    So I avoid it.

  257. Paul1963
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Gabacho @ 187: No, sadly, the Sun dropped Brenda Starr back when Ramona Fradon was still drawing it and I never felt sufficiently motivated to follow it online. Comments on this site make wonder if I should reconsider, though. I’ve seen the recent art and it’s quite nice.

    kalki @ 230, Anonymous @ 238: Hoogy is, believe it or not, a real honest-to-God forest ranger. Her father may have been on the fringes of society, so to speak, but Hoogy herself as an adult has generally been depicted as a pretty articulate, intelligent and generally well-turned-out young woman. And she’s within a couple of years of the same age as Rover, which would make her nearly 30 as Rover was a small child when he was introduced in 1980 (they’ve been married since at least 2003 and their son was born just about four years ago, in August 2004).

    What I want to know is, what “fuel-saving device” has Rover cobbled together from parts he found in a junkyard? Electronic fuel injection, found in most cars and trucks since the mid-1980s? Cylinder deactivation, sometimes called MDS (for Multiple Displacement System) and found on many current trucks? The Tornado thingie for the air intake (tested, it’s a scam and not designed for the setup on that ancient truck of his anyway)?

    Curtis: Okay, I’m joining the “WTF???” brigade. Did Venus fall asleep in the sun and then get her hair done at the Anime Salon?

    A Lemur @ 209: I so very much want to draw that…

    Song possibilities for the FOOBception:
    “Smack My Bitch Up,” The Prodigy.
    “Right Now,” SR-71.
    “The Wrong Way,” Sublime. Bonus track: “Date Rape,” also by Sublime (yeah, yeah, I know, boo hiss and all that).
    “My Wife,” The Who.
    “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?,” The Beatles.
    “New Kid in Town,” The Eagles.
    “Hell,” Squirrel Nut Zippers.
    “What it Takes,” Aerosmith.
    “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant,” Billy Joel.

  258. Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @255 …and by “fabulous site” I of course me a site such as you’d find in fable.

  259. Greg
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    “Curtis”

    Has anyone else noticed, or mentioned, how changed the color of the hair (and slightly the color of the skin) of two characters Ray Billingsley recently introduced in this currently “Summer School” storyline?

    Venus, the girl who sat behind Curtis, went from a fair skin blond to olive skinned and blue haired; and the teacher went from fair skin and bond hair to olive skinned and blue haired.

    What gives???!!

  260. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Miss Honeystump suffered a tragic accident — toppled over backwards one day, poor thing, and due to certain weight-counterweight issues she lay there helpless as an inverted turtle until help finally arrived, but they were late, much too late.

    She was replaced by her cousin, Miss Molassesroot.

  261. Red Greenback
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wow, that dvd is narrated by Sean Finnery! See, he’s on the cover and everything! I can’t wait to see where Moy takes this story next!

  262. bluepencil
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Our Fearless Leader is interviewed by The New Yorker (yes, The New Yorker): http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/cartoonlounge/2008/08/an-interview–1.html

  263. WonderCat
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G – My take on the next stunning plot twist: Tim tragically dies (of anorexia? what IS supposed to be wrong with him?) shortly after his emotional reunion with Eric… But not before extracting a death-bed promise from Eric that he “take care of” his wife and daughter, thus ending Margo’s giddy dreams of finally escaping from the forced spinsterhood of A3G.

  264. Old School Allie Cat
    August 13th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Foob – You know, Anthony, I don’t have just scads and scads of friends, but even I was able to drum up a few people that weren’t my employer to stand by me on my special day.

    I’m just saying – nothing against El Gordo…

    Also, do I detect a note of “second thoughts” in your asking Gord if he’d remarry?

    Or are you propositioning him?

    Don’t worry – even though he has Tracey and two young kids, the two of you can always be together…”in spirit”.

    Loved the Noo Yawkuh interview, Pope Noodlefoot!

  265. Buddy and Hopkins: Comic Strips!
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    I often wondered why Blondie was forced to face away from the television. Now, I know. Dagwood enjoys watching gay porn.

  266. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    New Yorker Interview: Josh is too modest to bring up whipping Aldomania into a mania. Dammit, man, take some pride in your work!

  267. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Great interview, Josh. Since a lot of the soap opera plots you talk about actually predate my time here, I wasn’t aware that Randy engineered his opponent’s wife’s alky meltdown. That young man has a future in political consulting.

  268. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    #257 Paul 1963,
    Don’t forget the slow dance number, Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt.”

  269. man behind the curtain
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Back from a few days out of town to discover that my beloved Baltimore Sun had dropped the girls of A3G like one of their many love interests and had cancelled my daily appointment with the good Dr. Rex. They say this was a result of a poll but I heard rumors well before that it was thier plan to drop the “soap-opera” strips. What say you to this, Josh?

  270. Batman Beatles
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    #237 – CanuckDownSouth

    I like your latest installment! Can’t wait to see what happens next.

  271. man behind the curtain
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Without Mary Worth making a crossover, Tim is doomed. But, come to think of it, it looked like one of those monks was preparing tuna casserole.

    MW — I have a question. Looking at the Mary Worth character webpage, if Toeby’s name is Victoria, how did she get the nickname “Toeby”?

  272. Calico
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    #257 – We could also go with Entwistle’s “Trick of the Light.”
    If the newlyweds ever take their clothes off, that is.

  273. Professor Fate
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: So Gordo is driving Anthony to the wedding – so is the he the best man? His Boss? God what an utter fish paste loser of man this clown is. No real friends, no real life, nothing. If I didn’t loathe him so much I’d feel sorry for this nothing man.

    And where oh where are the two sets of Anthony’s parents? His childhood abusive and drinking parents and the new set who spend their time kissing up to Elly. They seem as elusive as Wally Winkerbean.

  274. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    255- Thanks, I’m never going to get that Sound of Music/Good Vibrations remix out of my head now.

  275. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 13th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: It was a beautiful morning in August. There was a slight chill in the morning air, unusual even for Southern Ontario. The Foobs were waking up. There was much to do…..dressing the bride, primping, putting on the teal and lavander tuxes, squeezing the flabby-butts into nylons, dragging the naked kids from the sprinklers, making sure the 7-tier free wedding cake and free limos were properly washed and delivered on-time, ignoring April “the accident-child”…..the Foobs would soon be in full foobery-mode.

    As a final ploy to completely erase the memories of a painful first marriage in which poor Anthony was victimized relentlessly by the evil career-minded Therese, the Elly-beast decreed that the official merging of the Lizthony should be very same day as that black, horrible day exactly 5 years ago: the day the Golden Vagina was treacherously robbed of the pre-qualified, proper husband so nurtured and hand-picked for her by St. John and St. Elly. But that wicked turn of events would be rectified this day. It had been a very long, careful, manipulative process to plop the Girl with the Golden Hoo-Hoo and the Pastythony in front of each other at every turn. Nary a day went by when the virtues of cold Liver-Lips weren’t extolled to Liz by the Pattersaint parents. It mattered not that Anthony was already married to Therese. She was not part of the Grand Master Plan. Therese was the fly in the ointment, the unfortunate obstacle, the itch that couldn’t be scratched. That damn bitch! The match was wrong, purely wrong, and it needed to be corrected. Too much was invested in prepping the Great White Goose to carry on the Patterfoob tradition of daughters turning into pale copies of thier mothers.

    But this day, the final phase of the Lizthony merging would be complete. Nothing at all could possibly spoil this day.

    Or so they thought….

    Somewhere to the West, in the land of the Great Lakes and Evergreens, the one known as “Joe” had been severely projectile-vomiting for the past two weeks. He had resorted to wrapping his keyboard with Saran-Wrap to avoid ruining yet another one. He had barfed so much that he swore he had barfed up a Twinkie he had eaten when he was six years old. The horror known as FOOB had been clawing it’s way at him for a long time now, ever since Dishrag Dee had “ooops!-ed” her birth control and popped out a kid exactly nine months after she and St. Michael were married. “Gawd…..Dee is now the perfect Stepford Wife”, Joe mused in disappointment. “Just takes her orders with a smile, gets married, pops out kids right away, and falls cheerfully into line, just as Lynn expects all young women to do!”

    In the Foobiverse, ambition was bad, single people were bad, childless couples were bad, career women were bad……and now, the promising young woman who was Elizabeth was about to flush her life completely down the crapper. Liz was the latest in a long line of women in the Foobiverse bent on thier own self-annihilation. Until just recently, she had made great strides, getting an education and moving away to make a life for herself, far away from the belching, screeching, smelly, fat-assed domineering hag of a mother who was so instrumental in making thier children’s lives exactly what she and her train-obsessed louse of a husband thought they should be. Yes, Elizabeth had carved out a real life for herself. But now she was about to throw all that away. All for the sake of some foolish, fairy-tale childhood nostalgia. She had given in to the whims and manipulations of her demonic parents and older brother, the Asshat St. Michael. She had lost the struggle. Her determination, her will, her strength had been sapped and worn down as she and her soon-to-be creep of a 2nd-hand husband were relentlessly shoved together. She had no choice but to settle. Her life was over before it had barely began.

    Yes, the projectile vomiting was horrific. But enough was enough. Joe had vowed that this could not be allowed to continue. The letters and pleas sent to the Foob-Coffee-Talk blog went into a black hole. There was no further point in sending any more, as talking was useless. The “Will of Lynn” was set in motion and the Grand Matriarch of Corbeil was hell-bent on making the Lizthony a final reality.

    There were no other options left. It was time for action.

    The morning dew on the rotor-blades glistened in the sun as the sparrows chirped gleefully in the nearby meadow. Rays of light beamed through the plexiglass illuminating the cockpit, giving a strange sense of security and comfort. Though almost 20 years old, the Russian-built Mil Mi-24 “HIND-D” heavy assault helicopter was still a formidable machine. It carried a terrifying array of rapid-fire machine guns, rockets, missiles and bombs, so much so that it had “wings” to carry all the armaments and ordnance. Made popular by various 1980′s movies such as “Red Dawn” and “Rambo”, they were readily available for purchase to anyone after the collapse of the old Soviet Union. Joe’s uncle was a very rich eccentric, a collector of relics from the Cold War, and this helicopter was one of the jewels in his collection. The Russian General who sold Joe’s uncle the helicopter dissembled it, boxed it up and shipped it to him, no problem. He even threw in all the armaments and weaponry necessary to enable a capable pilot to wage their own private little war…….or at the very least, create one hell of a racket.

    Joe approached the HIND and was struck by it’s awesome beauty in the glow of the morning light. He walked around the helicopter, performing the necessary pre-flight checks. “It’s just you and me today, baby!”, Joe thought to himself. He strapped himself into the pilot’s seat, and with the flip of a few switches and the whizzing of turbines, the flying machine sprung to life. After a short warmup period and a few more pre-flight checks on the systems and equipment, Joe eased the throttle forward, increasing the main rotor speed. The HIND effortlessly lifted off the cement pad and gained some altitude. Joe turned the armored bird Southeast. The destination: A used-car dealership in a suburb of Toronto where a certain unholy union was going to take place. “Well, maybe not”, Joe mused. He would see to that!

    Joe’s mind raced as the HIND flew over the manicured landscape that was Southern Ontario. “They claim that the wedding is being held at a church and they have a reception hall”, he thought, “but everyone knows it’s impossible to book anything like that within a month, not with this being peak wedding season! They’re actually having it at Gordon’s used-car dealership!”

    Joe eased the throttle all the way forward, pushing the HIND to it’s top speed of 290 mph. The HIND screamed low and fast over the trees, below the radar. With his uncle’s blessing, he had made some very careful modifications to the HIND’s jet turbine engines to increase it’s speed, and he also modified it to carry more fuel, greatly increasing it’s range. A round-trip mission to the dreaded Toronto suburb would be no problem at all, just so long as he “took care of business” and didn’t hang around too long. There was no such thing as air-to-air refueling for this mission. Fortunately, Canada’s Air Force consisted of approximately one million Canada Geese, so no real resistance was expected.

    To Joe’s surprise, the target came into view a bit sooner than he expected. He eased back on the throttle and slowed the giant bird down. And there, in plain view, was the cause of all the projectile vomiting: Foobs dressed in polyester teal and lavender tuxes, an old stained wedding dress, model trains, fat butts and noses, tuna-mac-junk burgers, clammy skin, unrealistic rises to fame and a self-destructive, brightly-shining golden vagina. All were wolfing down a preliminary garbage-feast in true “chomp-glorp-snarf-eat-smack-burp”-fashion, as customary when Foobs congregate. He winced as he noticed that John and Elizabeth were engaged in one last incestuous father-daughter make-out session…

    “Oh, how SICK!” Joe grimmaced. He had an incredible urge to vomit, but managed to hold it back. He hovered the HIND at an altitude of 100 feet above the ground and 300 feet away from this gathering which the ‘Mudgies would describe as being Total Hell on Earth. The rotor blades from the HIND kicked up dust and blew the boxes of Tim Horton’s donuts off the Foob’s table.

    The Foobs looked up in bewilderment. What was this intrusion? Nothing like this was supposed to happen in the Foobiverse! The Golden Vagina got up and started running towards the building.

    The urge to hurl was overwhelming. Even so, Joe kept his composure and did not hesitate any longer. With his fore-finger, he pulled the trigger on the control stick and delivered a 3-second burst from the 12.7 mm Yakushev Gatling Gun mounted in the nose of the HIND. In a flash of tracer-bullets and lead, John and Dishrag Dee were instantly cut in half, their gushing, dismembered bodies soaking the pavement with treacle.

    Panic struck the Foobs as some began to run inside. Another 3-second burst from the Gatling Gun ripped through the cans of Chef Boy-ar-dee Spaghettios and also shredded the Ding-Dongs, Ho-Ho’s and Cupcakes that the manager of the local supermarket had donated for free.

    Suddenly, SmElly and St. Michael counterattacked, pelting the HIND with butter-tarts and unsold copies of “Stone Season” and “Blood Cargo”. “Shit……are those nuts and raisins??” Joe snarked. A different trigger slightly lower on the HIND’s control stick activated the 30 mm Gryazev-Shipunov Twin Autocannons. The HIND carried two of these monsters, one mounted under each wing and thier firing mechanisms were cross-linked. A quick 2-second burst turned both Foobs into shivering masses of jelly.

    The rest of the Foobs were inside now. Joe swung the nose around. With his fore-and middle-fingers, he pulled both triggers together and blasted the building with a 20-second burst from the Gatling Gun and both Autocannons. Thousands of rounds of ammunition smashed into building, shattering the structure, ripping through Foobs left and right, including the Golden Vagina and Assthony. Smoke and treacle-mist wafted upwards, morphing into grotesque shapes and forms.

    “That was fun”, Joe thought. “Time for the heavy artillery now!” He acquired the target and launched one S-5 Air-to-Surface rocket through what was left of the front door of the building. A fireball of flame and smoke erupted, throwing shrapnel and other debris upwards and outwards in a wide circle. “Heeeeeere’s Johnny!!”, Joe chuckled, as he launched another rocket at the building.

    “Damn, those Russkies know what makes a helicopter kick some serious ass!!”, Joe smiled to himself. Rocket after rocket slammed into the building with grim accuracy, with massive explosions shredding brick, glass, wood, steel, polyester tuxedos, freebie-wedding cake and Foob-flesh. “This one’s for Josh! This one’s for True Fable! This one’s for CattyGenes! This one’s for CommodoreJohn! This one’s for AhClem! This one’s for AllieCat! This one’s for Emperor Chennux! This one’s for Poteet! This one’s for Dingo! This one’s for Trotzenbonnie! This one’s for Trilobite! This one’s for T. Chicana!”, Joe snarked as his thumb pressed the appropriate button on the HIND’s control stick, again and again, launching rocket after rocket. Before he realized it, he had almost completely exhausted his supply of S-5 rockets.

    Fortunately, the HIND was also equipped with larger, more powerful S-24 rockets. At this point, it didn’t really matter, as the building was nothing but a pile of rubble anyway. But a few S-24 rockets completely obliterated the surrounding used-car lot and stupid freebie-limousines.

    “AND, this one’s for ME!!”, he shouted as he released all the Cluster-Bombs and Naplam canisters the HIND was carrying. The HIND surged upwards as it was instantly relieved of the incredible weight of the bombs and canisters. Joe punched the throttle and raced the machine forward. Several seconds later, the shock waves caused by the unsuing explosions shattered every glass window within a mile of what used to be a used-car dealership and site of the foob-settleocalypse.

    Joe swung the HIND around and slowly flew back towards the area. The entire area was one huge ball of fire, throwing black smoke and fumes high into the air. Nothing but charred debris remained. He was overcome with a wave of joy and euphoria. “YESSS!!! Take that, Lynn!!” All the Foobs were dead and the urge to hurl had vanished……the Lizthony had not only been stopped, but completely obliterated.

    Suddenly, Joe spied April running down the street. As usual, she had been ignored and was left behind. “Oh, thank you, thank you!”, she screamed. “I’m free….freeee….FREEEEEEEEE!!!”

    Joe grinned and waved to April. She smiled and waved back. “Now she has a real chance for a decent life, free of Foobs dictating her destiny”, Joe thought. With most of his ordnance spent and almost half his fuel gone, Joe turned Northwest raced the HIND back home. The mission was a complete success and it was definitely time to enjoy a Sapphire Bombay Martini, extra-dry, shaken, straight-up with two olives.

    The next day, the sun looked a little brighter, the grass a little greener, the sky a little bluer. One major plague tormenting the ‘Mudgies had been eliminated. The projectile vomiting had ceased.

    But now was not the time to relax. Joe refueled and re-fitted the HIND for it’s next mission: A trip to Cleveland, Ohio, to pay a “friendly” visit to the land of cancer and funky smirks…..

  276. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: The Lizthony Welding storyline has done more to destroy the institution of marriage than Britney Spears, Larry King, Liza Minelli, Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, and the Gay Agenda put together. Oh, wait… Liza Minelli, Michael Jackson, and Elizabeth Taylor are already part of the Gay Agenda. My bad. The point stands, though.

  277. Calico
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    I just received this in my inbox this AM, so thought I’d pass it along to Toby Cameron.

    (No sh*t- this is exactly how it appeared-it’s from “Collins White Loan”)

    I am a reputable private loan Lender.I give out short & long term loan @ 1% Interest rate for any duration.You can Reach us Via email:collinswhiteloan@live.com
    Requirements:
    1,Name
    2,Address
    3,Age/Sex
    4,Monthly Income
    5,Tel:
    6,Loan Amount
    7,Duration

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

  278. WonderCat
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    255 – Just another thank you for that fantastic site. I’ve always known that I am “that person” who can’t abide crimes committed on the English language. (One of a myriad of reasons why I have such a hard time with FOOB…) It’s good to know that there are others. Anybody else out there get physically ill from reading text message speak? Or txt spk, or whatever the hell kids call it these days?

  279. man behind the curtain
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    MW — Toeby awakens one morning to discover her identity has been stolen only to realize that everyone at Chaterstone prefers the “new Toeby” , even Chinbeard. Then she realizes how fortunate this is and llives happily ever after.

  280. texas buddha
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Another fresh New World Order Family Circus has been added to the master archive at http://texasbuddha.wordpress.com/2008/08/08/new-world-order-family-circus-master-archive/ .

    Enjoy!

  281. Anonymous
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: You know, I find that this comic strip just as nauseating as anybody else, these past few years, which is why I have suggested that it should be renamed, maybe Syrup of Ipicac North of the Border or something like that, but I find it amazing that so many of us spend so much of our valuable time RANTING AND RAVING ABOUT A COMIC STRIP. I agree with every negative observation I read here, but THESE PEOPLE DON’T REALLY EXIST — EXCEPT IN LYNNE’S HEAD. The poor woman. She had a great strip for many years and shitted it up, drowned it in sentiment.

    I agree, Anthony is such an asshole.

  282. commodorejohn
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    #275 Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy – Oh man. I have not beheld such a thing of beauty since Heather broke out the frying pan in Rex Morgan. Bravo!

    #278 Wondercat – Gah, yes. I’m not as much of a nitpicker on proper word usage (honestly, “begs the question” really ought to mean what Norm thinks it does,) but yes, text-speak is a true abomination.

  283. commodorejohn
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    #281 Anonymous – To break out my standard counterargument for this point, if this were merely the delusions of one woman’s sick mind, I would pretty much agree with you. However, the fact that she encourages and inspires other women (the Coffee Talk crew, for example) who have the same problems to believe that these principles and actions are normal or appropriate (to say nothing of the fact that this whole thing is basically a giant public laundry-list of what she perceives as her children’s failings) is reason enough to publicly express the contempt we feel for FOOB.

  284. yeff (Jeff Soesbe)
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Now I finally understand Dagwood’s difficult relationship with his boss. Unrequited lust.

    Those high-speed “collisions” with the mailman aren’t accidental at all. Are they, Dagwood?

    - yeff

  285. UncleJeff
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Has anyone noticed that the new Gil looks like the pro wrestler Dave “the Animal” Batista…without the muscles.
    anonymous & Commodore John: You’re both right. My contempt for FOOB is based on how Lynn J. turned a pretty good family comic strip into this calculated glurgefest that’s designed to move product rather than entertain (Coming Soon! True Love Waits — the story of Elizabeth and Anthony. Hard cover and soft cover books….commemorative plates and pewter bells…satin pillows and ballgags.

  286. Carly
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Now attempting to corner the whole comics market by combining the vagueness of H&J with the gayness of Ted and the awful puns of every comic I don’t read on the comics page.

  287. Perky Bird
    August 13th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    # 274 Joe:

    Wasn’t “The Girl with the Golden Hoo-Hoo” a James Bond flick?

  288. WonderCat
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    281 – I agree with commodorejohn. But I would also like to add that it is probably best for everybody involved in our “real” lives that such a large portion of our collective bile is expended on people who don’t actually exist. Really, I can think of much more destructive things I could be doing with my pent-up rage. :)

    That and Anthony is an unmitigated asshole.

  289. bats :[
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Beware of Canadians Bearing Gifts (unless you’re a Patterson, when you’re squirreling away as many as a kid at an Easter Egg hunt):

    Avril Lavigne: listens impatiently to April’s “special” wedding song for Liz and Asshathony, then jumps up and pushes April off the stage while screaming “That fuckin’ SUCKS!” She does her own improvisation/improvement on April’s song, mostly involving unhappy new wives shooting nebbishy new husbands.

    Pamela Anderson: was in attendance at Asshathony’s secret bachelor party. Things happened. Asshathony cried inconsolably.

    Meanwhile, actor Peter North attended Liz’s bachelorette party. Things happened. To Liz and ALL the bridesmaids. Twice. Following her first night with Asshathony, Liz will cry inconsolably.

    Of course, Mr. William Shatner will be attending, and he’ll be delivering the “usual” wedding sermon from Corinthians I (and you can bet I’d pay good money to hear him do this!):
    “Love IS!….patient.
    Love IS!…kind.
    It…does….not…envy.
    It….does…not…BOAST.
    It…is…not…KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!”

  290. WonderCat
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and commodorejohn I also agree on “begs the question.” Come on! 95% of us can’t be all wrong, can we?

    But seriously, I’m concerned that text messaging is going to precipitate the destruction of Western civilization as we know it. A couple of years ago I was trying to hire an assistant from a local university for my office. The number of e-mail responses that came back with no punctuation, no capital letters, and no spell-checking was disturbing. I had to change my criteria to 1) ability to form a rudimentary sentence, and 2) ability to spell all three words of “office,” “assistant,” and “position” correctly in the message header.

  291. Pendragon
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Monty: “I sucked off the honey nuts”.

    This has been another installment of Out of Context Theatre. Thank you and good night.

  292. bats :[
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    275. Joe: yikes, there’s something else I’d pay for…a new James Bond film, “The Girl with the Golden Hoo-hoo,” and having Daniel Craig punch out Liz. Maybe the whole passel of Pattersons.

    But then, it’d make a great double-feature with “Joe Saves the Civilized Worold”. Good stuff, sir!

  293. Vakar
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    289: “Love is not… puffed up… with… FOUR HUNDRED… MEN AND WOMEN! Their lives in my… I mean God’s… hands!”

  294. bats :[
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Shoot me now. While skimming today’s Coffee Stalk, I realized that the header for Foob HQ is done in lavender and teal! Was this always the case? Was it the inspiration for Liz’s choice of wedding colors, or is this yet another celebration of the Almostnearlyconsummations of the Golden Vagoo?

  295. Anonymous
    August 13th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    At the finale of the nuptials of the Canadian Century, there will be a touching, soul bearing song, that will sum up all the years of FBOFW.

    Played on a hosephonium.

    There won’t be a dry eye in the house.

    **sniff**

  296. Romi Kumu
    August 13th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Phishing at my work:
    Just yesterday everyone at work got a phishing scam for their password, disguised as coming from IT. There were admin emails saying “DON’T RESPOND!!” right after it in the email in-box.

    But still, one co-worker intercepted our IT guy and helpfully remarked “Oh, I just wanted to let you know I just sent you my password!” The sound of his hand hitting his forehead was heard throughout the building…
    I wonder if this coworker paints miniatures too.

  297. Duckman30
    August 13th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – Six limos and his boss\best man is driving him to the church in another car? That may allow the Patterfoobs to clinch the 2008 award for Biggest Carbon Footprint – Marriage Ceremony (Non-Private Jet Division).

  298. Perky Bird
    August 13th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    # 289 bats :[–

    Your William Shatner wedding tribute made me snort soda out my nose! There goes another Government-owned keyboard and monitor…

  299. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    August 13th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    William Shatner wedding tributes are almost as good as the Rev. Jesse Jackson reading “Green Eggs and Ham”.

  300. Tybalt
    August 13th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Hot Dogs : The sweatiest of the Tubed Meats.

  301. JB
    August 13th, 2008 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Commodore John and WonderCat:

    Ah…I see I’m not the only pedant-in-residence here.

    I work for a Fortune 100 company, and I received an email from my division’s VP last week that included the non-word “allot”. No, he didn’t mean “allot” as in “distribute”. He meant “allot” as in “more than several…’a lot’ “. I wanted to write back and ask why he didn’t ask someone with a decent grasp of English to copyread his message. Arrggghhh.

    Oh, and shouldn’t OCD be CDO? ;-)

  302. Orange Doorhinge
    August 13th, 2008 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Anon and Others: Also it’s FUN to mock FOOB and all the other comics A bright spot in the day.

    Recommended music for THE Wedding: the Spiths’ Unhappy Birthday (changed to Unhappy Wedding of course)

  303. Orange Doorhinge
    August 13th, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    oops. . . . I mean the SMITHS “Unhappy Birthday”.

    Bad English is fingernail on chalkboard irritating, but what really frizzes my hair is mis-quoting Shakespeare.

    It’s “Gilding GOLD and PAINTING the Lilly”

    That is all.

  304. Paul1963
    August 13th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Perky Bird @ 287: No, The Girl With The Golden Hoo-Hoo was a Good Hitler film. They’re easily confused.
    http://www.goats.com

  305. johnny
    August 17th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Grandpa Jim will die in Room 1 on the exact second that the vows are finalized, because April will text all her friends, and Farley will appear as the ring bearer, and Weed will be in the hospital Room 1 to record the death. The trains in the back yard will grind to a halt.

    Nearby in hospital room 2, Mary Worth is Windexing bedpans as Tobey discusses her credit failure, and her enjoyment of the purchased dvd…

  306. BuskerJim
    September 25th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Dennis has been showing his butt to the world for as long as he’s been wearing those “Dr. Dentons”. I won’t speculate as to the possible reasons why he never buttons up–or has he repeatedly managed to pull the buttons off? The fact that he doesn’t seem to wear underwear–ever!–does, however, explain why he wears his bib overalls slung so low that he walks on them. That’s just gotta chafe something fierce!

  307. SteveAsat
    December 8th, 2011 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    The Gasoline Alley kids are looking uncomfortably like the “Love Is…” gremlins. How is it that seeing them with MORE clothes than usual is MORE squicky?

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    from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest.

    If you have any suggestions, please let me know.
    Appreciate it!

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