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Could we reach “alarmed” by Friday?

Luann, 2/25/13

Luann used to be one of those strips whose archives I would read when I got back from vacation, because maybe I had missed exciting developments! But slowly I realized that, enh, Luann, and I stopped doing it. So I have literally no idea how concerned the DeGroots should actually be about their teenage daughter spending so much time online, but I do find it pretty amusing how vague they’re being about it. As if they’re not really sure what this whole “online” thing is about — they’ve heard about computers, obviously, but wouldn’t actually use one, because they’re for young people — and so can only go by what they read about in articles when it comes to imagining what their daughter might be doing in so-called “cyberspace.” What did this article, which presumably ran in a print publication, say? Did it reveal that sometimes people on the Internet take on personas different from their real-life lives? Was Mr. DeGroot shocked to learn that, with some cunning “search engine” work, a cyber-naut can find images and videos of people in various states of undress, or even engaged in sexual acts? We can’t know. He doesn’t dare speak it aloud, even to his wife. It’s too awful.

Apartment 3-G, 2/25/13

Once upon a time, Margo’s dad was a wealthy two-timing cad who knocked up the family’s ethnic-of-some-sort maid and forced her to give up the baby (our Margo!) to his wife to raise, but then years later Margo found out about everything and then later still her bio-parents started hanging out together and then his wife became a pill-crazed maniac. I bring this all up because, even if Margo’s parents have suddenly been retconned into bland, kindly old WASPs, we can at least take solace in the fact that her dad is still rich! Rich enough to pay for luxury suites for Margo’s friends, anyway. (Hope you’re enjoying your stay at a single-room occupancy hotel paid for by Red Cross vouchers, everyone else in the building!) Anyway, it’s nice to see that this “luxury suite” has the same fussy 1950s interior design as the girls’ apartment, since we wouldn’t want them feeling aesthetically unmoored during this trying time.

Spider-Man, 2/25/13

The few seconds a day it takes to read Newspaper Spider-Man is literally the longest I’ve ever spent with Daredevil as a character, so I was somewhat chagrined to learn upon doing a bit of research this morning that his “radar sense” is indeed a thing, though more recent interpretations just sort of have it as a super-intense version of the whole “blind people’s other senses are heightened” thing and thus not something that can be detected by, say, a missile. Spider-Man’s “spider-aura”, in contrast, seems not to be a thing, since three of the first four Google hits for the phrase are to a non-Spider-Man themed discussion from 2011 on an Ultimate Fighting Championship message board. I guess they’re talking about his spider-sense and just didn’t want to say “sense” twice in the same panel? Haha, Spider-Man is forced to resort to clumsy circumlocutions in his own comic strip! Anyway, this strip is notable because it features two superheroes deciding to go with the classic “let’s split up and hope it goes after you” technique.

Gil Thorp, 2/25/13

“Birseed” in the final panel is almost certainly a typo, but if you want a realistic in-universe explanation for it, you can go ahead and imagine that Gil is just kind of drunk.

Marmaduke, 2/25/13

Haha, it’s funny because Marmaduke’s owner is terrified of Marmaduke and is laboring mightily to obey his woofed commands! SHOVEL, PUNY HUMAN, SHOVEL OR THE SNOW WILL BE STAINED RED BY YOUR SCATTERED VISCERA

264 responses to “Could we reach “alarmed” by Friday?”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Today’s award for “Worst Reference to a Johnny Cash Song” goes to Pardon My Planet cartoonist Vic Lee. (And I’m dye-ing to hear Lee’s acceptance speech!)

    ~ NOT SAFE FOR BAKA GAIJIN ~

    Speaking of dye-ing (and bleaching!), wrestler Ric Flair turns 64 today. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  2. Ethan Shuster
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    “Scott Fowler won’t share his magic peacock.” Aw, Gil, you just made it too easy for everyone!

  3. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MT: A clever man would realize that Rusty could be his ultimate weapon: Much like a gap-toothed tell-tale heart, Rusty’s persistent presence—“Can I take a picture of your van now, Mr. Catfish? What about now? Is your van ready now? When can I take a picture of your van, Mr. Catfish?”—is enough to drive any criminal to the brink of insanity, ready to confess real and imaginary crimes just make it stop, for the love of god, make it stop. Luckily for Catfish, Mark is not a clever man.

    MW: Today we see Mary Worth in its idealized, Platonic form: The weekday strip recaps the Sunday strip, which will then recap the weekday strips, all of them focused on the glory of Mary, an endless cycle of platitudinous praise.

    JP: Two Ultra-Super-Special First-Class tickets from Paris? There’s the missing $10,000.

  4. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    9CL: Okay, are there any glowworm experts here? Do glowworms live in dung heaps? I have a sneaking suspicion that they do not.

    So are the Smuckling brothers evil, or just too stupid to know any better, or what? The guy in panel two does not come exactly come across as villainous or cruel.

    Reluctant praise: I didn’t notice this at first, but Dwight’s holding up the wrong number of fingers when he says “four”. That extra touch makes this at least an adequate “Haha, look at how stupid this guy is!” joke.

    ASM: “Wait. Stop. ‘Spider aura’?”

    “Yeah, Dr. Strange told me I was surrounded by a spider aura. It looks like spiders floating all around me doing spider things and making me more spidery! Those were his exact words by the way.”

    “Did you ever stop to think that maybe Dr. Strange was just bullshitting?”

    “Huh? No, why would I think that when his description sounds so cool and not in the least bit retarded? Oh, he also told me that I should tell people about my spider aura once a week at least, because if I didn’t I would lose my powers. Usually I tell MJ, but she always yawns and falls asleep when I do.”

    “Goddamn. You’re lucky that missile isn’t gullibility-seeking, Parker.”

    GT: This strip is becoming self-aware!

    Luann: Congratulations; this strip’s dialogue has reached a level of vagueness that would make “Herb & Jamaal” proud.

  5. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Terrible. You fuckers forgot about me.”

    Dick Tracy-Now let us all laugh and freeze in the middle like we are in a bad television series.

    FC-Your father’s not sick just hung over.

    Gil Thorp-”A magic peacock? Sounds like I have another rival for my players’ affection that I need to kill.”

    JP-”Oops. Did I spoil the surprise?”

    MT-Rusty, you need to get inside Rod’s van even if you have to force your way in. How else is Mark supposed to get rid of you?

  6. Dono
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    I don’t know if Kingpin reads the papers, but there’s been a lot of news stories lately about these things called “guns,” which would seem to be a less costly, more efficient, and much faster way to dispatch a couple of superheroes.

  7. Cayuga
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    I’m wondering if Kingpin is pissed as he realizes he paid good money for an “aura”-seeking, rocket-powered missile that travels more slowly than a guy swinging on a wire.

  8. KreatureFeatures
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Yesterday, Kingpin’s missile was “energy-seeking.” Today, it is honing in on “radar sense” and “spider aura.” Tomorrow, will the missile be tracking “human farts?” Because with all their exertions, Daredevil and Spiderman look like they’re putting out quite a bit of gas.

  9. True Fable
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure the DeGroots are totally in the dark about intimate things like sex talk. They married because it was expected of them, they copulated because it was expected of them, they raised their spawn because the damn things just popped out one day and they didn’t know what else to do with them.

  10. pugfuggly
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Luann While that looks like a cable bill it’s actually the monthly detective’s report. “It says here that she went to the bathroom 8% more times than last month. I’ll call the urologist in the morning….”

    A3G Jesus, look at that 1000-yard stare. What do you suppose the stress test was? Dangling him out a window? Electroshock therapy? Threatening to reveal his special blend of herbs and spices to the public?

    ASM It’s appropriate that Spidey calls his sense an ‘aura’ , being that’s the term used by migraine sufferers for the warning they gets right before massive unavoidable pain.

  11. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    It’s a typo. “Br’erseed” refers to the bird food Br’er Fox was forced to live on after Br’er Rabbit tricked him.

    “Only please, Coach Gil, please don’t throw me into the briar patch.”

  12. sporknpork
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    “Coach, you’ll need to talk to me over here. My arm sequoia is desperately attempting to root back into the ground, and I can’t pull myself away anymore until the next sunset.”

  13. AhClem
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    SM – “Someone just launched a Spider-Missile ™ towards our house. It will be here in about five days, so we have plenty of time to pack our stuff, find a new house, close on a mortgage and move. Want to go see a movie tonight?”

  14. Ranger
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    3G: The professor looks like he’s dropped some acid in panel 1. Flying colors indeed.

  15. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man:
    ENGAGE LOSER AUTO-DETECT PROTOCOL.
    <Sniff sniff>
    FLOPSWEAT DETECTED. TURNING LEFT.

  16. btown
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    spidey: How can Daredevil have a “radar sense” if he’s blind? Don’t you have to see in order to use radar? Shouldn’t he have a “sonar sense”, which would make some *sense* if he’s blind?

    I’m guessing that “radar sense” is about as useful to a blind dude as “spider sense” is to Peter Parker

  17. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane:

    ENGAGE STRAWMAN AUTO-DETECT PROTOCOL.
    <Sniff sniff>
    STRAWMAN DETECTED. THREAT LEVEL “TIFFANY.”
    ENGAGE “MEH” SYSTEMS Y/N?
    YES.
    “MEH.”

  18. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Did it reveal that sometimes people on the Internet take on personas different from their real-life lives?

    Pfft. Weirdos.

  19. Chyron HR
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    GT – “Guys are feuding because Scott Fowler won’t share his magic peacock?” Well, I always assumed that sort of thing went on in the locker room, but you didn’t have to spell it out, Gil.

    Luann – Gee, I read an article that said creepy 65-year-old men sometimes pretend to be pretty teenaged girls online in the newspaper. I’m worried, concerned and troubled.

  20. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    …so I was somewhat chagrined to learn upon doing a bit of research this morning that his “radar sense” is indeed a thing, though more recent interpretations just sort of have it as a super-intense version of the whole “blind people’s other senses are heightened” thing…

    I actually prefer the interpretation of the radar sense as “a weird sense that tells Daredevil the shapes of everything around him”, since having something like that would actually be better in lots of ways than normal sight, and you could use it to be a better-than-average crimefighter.

    It’s also a hell of a lot more believable that somebody with that kind of radar sense could become a master martial artist and athlete with perfect coordination and so on, as opposed to a writer saying “Daredevil can win fights against sighted guys because he can SMELL when they throw a punch, you see! And when he swings around the city, he doesn’t crash into buildings because he can TASTE the concrete before he hits it!”

  21. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    I had a cool dream that this summer, Luann & Co. had a really great story line that was both funny and riveting. I also dreamed that I could shoot laser beams with my eyes, walk through solid objects and fly. Yeah, I’m going with that second one, because it’s more likely to come true.

  22. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @btown (#16):

    Shouldn’t he have a “sonar sense”, which would make some *sense* if he’s blind?

    It actually would, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the people who’ve written stories with the character wished they could retcon his origin and call it a “sonar sense”.

  23. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#20): But he can’t see “Danger: Bridge Out” signs.

  24. bbofun
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    9CL- Okay- now that it’s confirmed that Orv and Dwight have more cattle, just a thought- if the vet is REALLY concerned about they way they treat their animals, stealing two of them isn’t really going to solve the problem, is it? Go to the SPCA, or call PETA, or something!

    And, yes, props to McEldowney for the “hold up wrong number of fingers joke.”

    MW_ The site I read has Saturday’s strip up today. Although it would be wonderful to think that ‘s because today’s strip is too controversial, I assume it’s just a mistake. (Not that I need to see it. This week is just going to be people praising Mary, goddess of meddling.)

    RMMD- We’re actually never going to meet Junior, are we?

    FW- Unless there are exactly 100 teachers, not very good math teacher humor. And, really, it would be English and History teacher humor, too. What I’m saying is, Batiuk’s a hack. (And, really- another “school levy” arc? Oy.)

  25. cisko
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MT – “Mr. Catfish wouldn’t let me get any pictures of Rod’s equipment inside their van!” OK, now you’re just trolling us, Rusty.

  26. Spiff Bereft
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke is encouraging the old man toward an inevitable heart attack. As his body lies near the end of the walkway, slowly being covered with new-fallen snow, Marmaduke chuckles knowing he has another body frozen for his casual delectation through the winter as the live prey thins out.

  27. nescio
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    The area cleared by Phil isn’t yet sufficiently large enough for Marmaduke to take a dump, he’d better shovel snow more quickly, or he’ll have another shoveling job to do in the foyer.

  28. NovaKev
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider Man: Please break left! Please break left! Please break left!

  29. gojira
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Fast-Talkin’ Spidey: Kingpin, yesterday: “Ten more seconds…and my energy-seeking missile will detonate!” Yesterday’s DD/Spidey dialogue took me eight seconds. Today, talk as fast as I might, another eight seconds. Must sound something like this.

    Also, since “radar sense” and “spider sense/aura” exist mainly between their ears and there’s no such thing as a brainwave-tracking missile (yet), that missile has to be going by heat, radiation (DD from the isotope, Spidey from the spider) or body odor. If it’s the latter, since Peter went directly from a few days of hitch-hiking to web-swinging with no opportunity for showering or laundry, this might be his worst idea yet.

  30. gojira
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @gojira (#29): *They must sound something like this.

  31. Cloudbuster
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#4): Um, not an expert, but we see glowworms in the grass all the time at my place. They’re the larval form of fireflies. So they’re surely not restricted to dung heaps.

  32. pugfuggly
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft Ha ha, the barber knows that the only way to keep Crankshaft away is to require him to sign up for appointments ‘on-line’. My prediction is that within a few months, the local grocery store, diner and garden supply center are make similar moves.

    FW GET IT? SHE SAID ‘DECIMATED’ WHICH IS LIKE ‘DECIMAL’ WHICH IS A MATH TERM! SINCE YOU’RE NOT A MATH TEACHER YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T CATCH THAT!!!!

  33. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Can’t Daredevil just stop sending out radar/sonar pings? Spidey probably can’t shut down his “aura”, so he’s screwed, but he was a volunteer to be blown up, even after repeated warnings to stay the *@#^ away.

  34. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: What does the ghost of Cap’n Beefheart care about design choices? Old 3-G, new 3-G, when you’ve been reduced to a shadow, it doesn’t matter. In fact, being trapped in the afterlife might be the best explanation of this strip available.

    Snuffy Smith: Nehemiah Scudder’s already entered.

    Crock: Accessed your records in our computer? Bill Gates? So one mystery of Crock is resolved: the intended audience are aged retirees and Mongolian yak herders who say, “Sure, why not. It sounds like something the kids texted me on the smartphone the other day.”

    Hi and Lois: See the Hagar the Horrible posted to Lois’ fridge? Now that’s the dullest strip-within-a-strip imaginable.

    Judge Parker: The flowers in Neddy’s Parisian apartment eat better than 99% of the world’s human population. Their seeds are precious pearls and their leaves 24k gold. They have been known to enslave entire nations on their own initiative. Tremble, serf. Tremble!

    Mark Trail: So Rusty says: “Mr. Catfish wouldn’t let me get any pictures of Rod’s equipment inside their van!” And Mark says:
    1. You do know this isn’t a gay bar, right?
    2. Kid, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: take the candy and stay in the van!
    3. What is this, a joke?
    4. Are you wearing a wire?
    5. Wait, did I take a wrong turn at Chickweed Lane?

    Rex Morgan, M.D. “I really love this place!” Well, since you’ve been mobbed by appreciative stoners and flashed by strippers, there’s no reason you shouldn’t, Rex.

    Scary Go Round: I admit it, this seems anti-climactic. Hope we get back to something a little more awesome tomorrow.

    Sinfest: So that’s what happens to them…

  35. Perky Bird
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Spider-man should take some lessons from Daredevil on how to swing through the city with one’s legs modestly held together, instead of sprawled apart for all the world to see one’s dangling spider-junk.

  36. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#32): “Decimated” comes from the Roman army. When a legion was underperforming, they would intentionally kill one man of every ten. Presumably, the other nine would get thier shit together. Not my mangement style, but hey, I never made general, either.

  37. Huckleberry Fink
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#11): If I were Ric-Devore-as-Br’er-Rabbit, I’d say something like:

    “Only please, Coach Gil, please don’t throw me into the girls’ shower room!”

  38. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#32): The point that I lost there was that “decimated” and “decimal” have the same root, and thus aren’t really a pun.

  39. Marc
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    9CL- So far I’m failing to really see the evil in our designated bad guys. Manufactured stupidity, sure. But not a whole lot of evil.

    A3G- A month later, just like that? What a load of crap. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO EVAN?

    Mark Trail- Has dental technology infiltrated the Lost Forest yet? Because Rusty’s gap tooth is big enough to drive an all green motorboat through.

    Mary Worth- Either John Dill has major dementia or somebody screwed up because I’m seeing him go into his “truer words” monologue again.

    Funky- Oh boy, another half baked, school levy story. The only good that could possibly come from this is if Les is the only teacher who gets shitcanned.

    Luann- What are they worried about? If the extra strength chastity belts they fitted their kids with, and libido repressors they put in their cereal every morning are doing their jobs, then they have no reason to fret.

    Family Circus- Daddy said he needed a little hair of the dog that bit him to feel better. Does that mean we have to put Barfy and Sam down?

  40. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#23):

    But he can’t see “Danger: Bridge Out” signs.

    (Just for the record, I’m aware that I probably seem to take this stuff too seriously when I talk about it. I can’t think of too many good jokes when I do for some reason, so I just say what I know from reading comics.)

    That actually is a problem for him; to him, a road sign saying anything would just appear to be a blank square, or octagon, or whatever.

    He’s always had heightened senses, so he’s been able to read non-braille stuff by running his fingers over the letters; back when people still used typewriters, for example, his sense of touch would be good enough that he could feel the tiny indentations where the letters were and make out what each letter was. I don’t know if he’d be able to do that with a letter that came out of modern-day printer, though; maybe if I’d read some recent Daredevil stories I would, but it’s been a long time.

    He also can’t read blogs like this one, or comments like ours! Wouldn’t that suck? Then again, it also means he’s never seen Crock or Marvin, so we can envy him that.

    @Cloudbuster (#31): Didn’t think they were, or spent any time in dung heaps at all if they could help it.

    It’s like Juliette wanted to say they were dumb, but also wanted to call them filthy, so she ended up saying something similar to “They aren’t the sharpest knives in the toilet.”

  41. TheDiva
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    GT: We have. Oh believe me, we have.

    Luann: I’m curious as to how a strip that treats the topic of sex with a combination of Victorian avoidance and prepubescent “tee-hee-hee” attitude will attempt a Very Special Episode on sexting.

    SM: Okay, Spidey’s just making powers up right now. “You have a radar sense? Well, I have a…a…spider-aura! Yeah, whaddya think of that?”

  42. Illustrator Steve
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MT – “Rod Bassy was using his lure that lights up when he hooked the big ones today, Mark!”

    “REEEEEALLY, Bluegill? Gee, I would never have guessed that…especiallysince I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY TODAY RIGHT NEXT TO HIM IN HIS TINY BOAT WHILE WATCHING HIS EVERY MOVE! hOW ’bout telling me something I don’t already know, you dip shit!”

    “It’s NOT me, Mark, it’s Jackelrod! Ever since Jackelrod has become more and more brain dead it’s been effecting the accuracy of the dialogue he puts in my word balloons!”

    “Hmmm, so THAT could be why Rusty says some of the odd things that come out of his word balloons!”

    “No, Mark, that’s because Rusty is a complete idiot.”

    “TELL me about it, Bulegill! I have to live with that kid at least twenty minutes every six months!”

  43. Walker of Dog
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Determined to impress Daredevil, Peter checks thesaurus.com and starts thinking of how to work “spider-ambiance” into the conversation.

  44. Poteet
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#Y49): HAR!!

  45. Midtown
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW: The triumphant return of Les! This is what we’ve been missing? I’m getting nostalgic for Crazy Harry.

  46. Hibbleton
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    ASM: If Daredevil’s radar sense was explained as a super-power version of blindsight, it would actually make some in-universe sense and also be pretty cool.

    A3G: Please, Mr. Bolle, even a super rich NY’er couldn’t afford the opulent digs you’ve pictured.

    MT: “Renfield Rusty, have you eaten all the bait, again!?”

    MW: “Cake baking, like battle, is an orgy of disorder.” G. S. Patton.
    “I have won the battle but lost the orgy.” John Dill

  47. Chip Whittle
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Do you suppose anybody told Lu Ann that Apartment 3-G was bombed out, or has she just been guessing Tommie slacked off her BATHROOM! chores this past month?

  48. Illustrator Steve
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MT – “I took some good pictures today, Mark!”

    “That’s great, Rusty!”

    “LOOK, Mark! Even though the outdoor scenery is in living color, your car and everything inside it is black and white without any color, including ourselves!!”

    “THAT’S GREAT, Rusty. You finally figured out that that we are DEAD!”

    [Bluegill]: “SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, MARK! …this is where I get out, thanks for the lift!”

  49. Apeman
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Newspaper Spidey: So Newspaper Daredevil projects radar waves that a missile can home in on? First, I thought no one was supposed to know that DD was blind, except maybe Spidey. Unless Newspaper DD is as incompetent as Newspaper Spidey and he’s been blurting out “I’M BLIND AND I HAVE RADAR SENSE TO COMPENSATE FOR IT!” So the Marvel Newspaper Univerese must be chock full of incompetent superheroes whose common weakness is getting knocked out by falling bricks hitting the backs of their heads.

  50. Northern lurker
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW: I’ve just realized the platitudinous one has given John Dill something she never has and never will give Dr Jeff–head.
    Not a little head but a giant head.

  51. Illustrator Steve
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MT – “Even though mister Catfish wouldn’t let me take pictures of his fishing equipment inside his van he did let me hold his rod!”

    “THAT’S GREAT, RUSTY!”

  52. Huckleberry Fink
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#37): D’oh! I’m running through mea culpas like shit through a goose. “Scott Fowler” was supposed to be my punchline.

    As in “Gil FRICASSEED Scott Fowler…”

  53. Poteet
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    LUANN — Is skyping, or is it Skyping, being “online”? I thought Luann had been spending every waking moment either talking with her friends or staying in touch with Quill, since she is, for a high school student, remarkably untroubled by academic obligations. And the strip has made it clear that her parents are at least somewhat aware of the Quill situation. So convincing readers that Luann has also been arranging black-market adoptions, playing foreign lotteries, or looking at pron may take a little doing.

  54. TheDiva
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    9CL: Remember, kids: cruelty and illegal acts are okay if you’re smarter than the victims!

    C’shaft: Hey, any excuse not to put up with Crankshaft…

    FW: Glass houses, Les, glass houses.

    MT: “He wouldn’t give me any ham, either!”

    Marvin: I….I can kind of relate to today’s strip. I think I may need to lie down.

    MW: It’s finally happened; this strip has reached full stasis.

    Pibgorn is not up yet, which usually means something extra repulsive/insulting is in store for us…

    Pluggers are cheap bastards.

    Retail: I’m sorry, but I hate that stores do this. Sometimes you lose a coat or your swimsuit gets irreparably damaged–can’t you have at least a small rack of stuff out for those last-minute purchases? (And who in Colorado is buying swimsuits in February?)

  55. Briane Pagel
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Two things.

    1. Maybe its the fact that I have the flu but Luann’s mom looks really hot in that strip. Her glasses! How do we know she’s not bringing up the Internets to try to entice old baldy into finally paying attention to her, before she has to start catfishing her daughter’s Myspace friends? (you know it’ll be Myspace because the creators remember that was a thing that kids did.)

    2. Anyone else getting a sense of desperation from Spidey? “What?! Er, yeah, me too! I, too, have superpowers that make me enough of a threat to be targeted by supervillain weaponry! In fact, it locked onto me FIRST!”

  56. Illustrator Steve
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MT – “Mark, that big old brown duck has been crapping on us all day today!”

    “I can handle this! Besides, it will give me a chance to demonstrate some of my fancy casting techniques for the media….WHERE are the reporters, Bluegill!”

    “Um, THAT would be YOU, Mark!”

  57. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Apeman (#49): One of the most well-known Daredevil stories had the Kingpin learning Daredevil’s secret identity. I don’t know if he also learned how his powers worked when that happened, but he might have.

    Considering how crappily this strip adheres to comic book continuity, though, that might have never happened and yeah, Daredevil might have gone around compulsively yelling his secrets to everybody within earshot.

  58. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Oh dear, Josh. You actually have missed some developments on this whole Luann thing. Exciting developments? Now I didn’t say that. But the fact that the title character is carrying on a Skype relationwhatever with Australian deportee Quill and is being really obnoxious about it is arguably relevant to this site, at least.

  59. Holly Folly
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    “Has anyone said that out loud to hear how ridiculous it sounds?” Is a question I ask everyday of Gil Thorp.

  60. BrutusJ
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    In Apartment 3G, it is suddenly a month later overnight. Meanwhile, in Spider-Man, we will see how many days six seconds lasts.

  61. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3G: Ari and Tommie hold a “whose eyes are glassier” contest, the most intense one ever held outside of the Rolling Stones tour bus.

    GT: Yeah Gil, it’s been a crazy season. Too bad you had to miss it, huh?

    MT: “That’s great, Rusty,” is Mark’s knee-jerk response. He doesn’t actually listen to a word the boy says, and hardly ever has.
    “I burned down the Piggly Wiggly today. You should have seen all the people run with their shopping carts.”
    “That’s great, Rusty.”

    C-Shaft: It’s funny sensible because the barber wants to avoid or at least postpone any time with Crankshaft.

    9CL: You can justify doing just about anything if you convince yourself the victims are stupid. Or at least you can if you’re a self-respecting sociopath.

    BB: Hmmmm. One disadvantage of reading comics online is that the “fill in your own excuse” game doesn’t really work. Unless you use erasable marker on the screen.

    H&L: The snowstorm was so pathetic that Dot is about to blow SpaghettiOs all over the floor.

    DT: Ever the faithful sidekick, Ebony hands Tracy his sunglasses and cues “Won’t Get Fooled Again.”

    Blondie: Since Dagwood is the most frequent target of said temper, I’m sure he appreciates the heads up.

    Shoe: That outfit was cool in 1977? Well I guess Herb Tarlek thought it was.

    FC: “Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, never sicker. Daddies should know that.”

    EC: Edge City plunges into a lawyer-safe knockoff of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” It’s going to be a long two weeks, people.

    Momma: The sign originally read “We were rooting for the Viet Cong,” but the syndicate told Lazarus that might be a little much.

  62. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#61):

    “Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin plunges into a lawyer-safe knockoff of “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

    Sorry. Don’t know what came over me.

  63. NoahSnark
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Nothing says you understand the dangers of the Internet like shuffling a stack of papers.

  64. Revenge4Aldo
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy Tracy: Sweatbox had his ticket punched, he ran out of steam, he saw the light at the end of the tunnel. In other words, he got railroaded.

  65. Illustrator Steve
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MT – Bluegill must be one of those Benjamin Buttons type of fellows that becomes younger in age each time you see him.
    Like Today, riding in the front seat with Mark, Bluegill looks like any other ordinary ten year old who objects to wearing his seat belt….just like Rusty….and Mark!

  66. Irrischano
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Tommie and the professor’s demeanor looks like what happens when two cross-eyed drunks attempt to flirt.

  67. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#34):

    What does the ghost of Cap’n Beefheart care about design choices?

    Ah, mystery solved. “She can burn you up in bed just like she said cuz she’s a hothead” refers to Margo.

  68. Cloudbuster
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

  69. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Frazz: *SNURK!* it takes a bit to catch some of the assumptions built into most recipes.

    Lio: that explains ever so much about the current Congress.

    PBS: *snikker*

    SBp: /facepalm

    Zits: bats ;[, could we change that to Dustin? it would improve both strips, although a +1 to Dustbin still would leave it negative elebentyseven. (srsly weak effort by the usually good Zits.)

    Bizarro: *SNURK!*

    DT: *cues The Who*

    OBH: *golf clap* *high-fives Poteet*

    PMP: NSFBG!!!!

    RMMD: wait, didn’t we see that shirt a few years back in Mary Worth?

  70. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .when the roofies kick in.

  71. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#62): The spike-heeled shoe fits.

  72. Dennis Jimenez
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Luann – Now if I were Mr. DeGroot, I’da gone with, “How ’bout a blowjob?” But then that’s just me….

    A3G – Just one problem – I’ve got a constant urge to eat fried chicken flavored with seven herbs and spices….

    S-M – Now I could make some snark about sexual confusion and going both ways here, but I’m way too mature for anything like that….

    GT – Panel two – a triple shot’a stink-eye….

    Marm – Aw, it’s funny cuz we all know that ‘Dolf is the one who ends up shitting on the lawn in front of the house….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  73. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#40): “(Daredevil has) never seen Crock or Marvin, so we can envy him that.”

    I’d hate to have heightened olifactory senses around either of those two strips, though. It’d cause me to go into convulsions.

  74. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    A3G: Nothing like a quick time jump to pad over any uresolved plotlines! “One month later” explains:

    Margo’s lungs are completely healed, despite being in critical condition.
    Greg’s hands have experienced an equally amazing full recovery with no scars.
    The cops caught Evan and he confessed.
    They rebuilt the apartment exactly as it was.
    Luann is back from Texas and fully bonded with her mother, Ruby (after a pre-bonding vacation in the Dakotas).

    It’s like there were several annoying loose threads, and Bolle and Shulock just hit the reset button. “One month later! Everything that you wanted to see has been solved! Ok, on to creating more unresolved plotlines!”

    Imagine if, say, “Return of the Jedi” opened with “One month later” and Han, Luke and Leia were hanging out in a Tatooine bar.

    Leia: I’m just glad not to have that fat slob’s paws all over me.

    Han: Hey, at least YOU weren’t frozen in carbonite!

    Luke: Let’s just be happy that the second Death Star has been destroyed and the Empire has fallen!

    Dramatic music and closing credits

    Audience: Can I have my money back, please?

  75. Tophat
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    The missile’s homing in on my radar sense! And my spider aura too! And probably on any of the ordinary people in the city! …And on that dog over there, too maybe.

  76. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    SM: San Francisco has two buildings designated to the crossword puzzles. Wow, the things you learn from the strangest of sources.

  77. Elk Meadow
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    I have the desperate hope that the fire in apt. 3G was to allow a new team to take over, like what happened with Dick Tracy, and restore the strip to the elegance and witty story lines of the past or of some utopian future. That when they open the door to the apartment, it will be a new world.

    Hope, hope, hope….

  78. whomever
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Luann: I hadn’t noticed until now that Mr. DeGroot is supposed to be a ventriloquist’s dummy. No wonder this family has problems.

  79. Elk Meadow
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Revenge4Aldo (#64):

    You made my “comment of the day.”

  80. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

  81. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    (It’s been suggested that we have an online pool to see on what day the Spider-missile would explode. Since the idea was floated after a day or two, it was more or less believed that such a thing would be silly, as any day now, that darn missle would stop doing what missles don’t, which is chase people through the street; and actually do what missles do, which is crash into things and explode (though not always in that order). This thing has been going on since last Monday, and given Daredevil’s dialogue, I’d expect that it was trailing him for a few days before that, too. So we’re verging on almost two weeks of “Help, I’m being chased by a rocket-powered dildo!”

  82. Sparkle Plenty
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    MT: Why are Mark and Candy and “Doc” so negligent of Rusty? He needs orthodontia. He needs an education. He needs to be protected from kidnappers. He needs friends, attention, etc.

  83. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    How many days do these fishing contests go on? Bassy already won the first two days. Are they going to keep assigning more fishing days until Anyonebutbassy comes out on top?

  84. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#77): Maybe it will be like in Pleasantville, when the characters experienced color for the first time. “This… this is not pastel! I am not comfortable with this… new thing that is on the wall! And this curtain – it stays still! It does not appear randomly about the room! I do not care for this new apartment! I do not like this strange new place!”

  85. Mikey
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    ASM: “Spider Aura”? Really? So its a “lame” seeking missle?

  86. Mikey
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    ASM: Perhaps we will confuse it if we run away more!

  87. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Luann – The only way Momma can tell from that phone bill she is holding that Luann is spending a lot of time online is if this strip is a repeat from 1998, when people still accessed the internet via the phone line, and if Luann has been using a non-local number for her dial-up modem.

  88. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @whomever (#78): You could learn a lot from a dummy. Just not this one.

  89. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy

    Uh oh, that’s NOT how you get your Amtrak ticket punched, Sweatbox.

    RIP Simon Baux. (Good night, sweaty man!)

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff

    The “Early Bird Special” at the Nutmeg house consists of actual worms.

  91. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”We’ll decrease the chances of the missile hitting us and increase the chances of it killing a bunch of innocent people.”

  92. Chip Whittle
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Say what you will, but Luann’s dad has really mastered his glassy-eyed, helpless, vacant stare of soul-crushed desperation.

  93. Horace Broon
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: Yipes, Shulock is really desperate to get rid of this storyline, isn’t she? “I only wrote ‘the apartment building burns down due to a firebomb’ because I wanted to see how Bolle would get out of drawing it! Now I’m in too deep!”

    DT: When you think about it, Tracy must have a lousy arrest record. He never actually brings anyone in…

    FW: The joke is that Les, being an English teacher, knows what the word “decimate” actually means and suspects the maths teacher doesn’t. And is a pompous, unlikable ass.

  94. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    On a little side note today is my birthday. I officially turn 34 today.

  95. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): Happy birthday!

  96. Mibbitmaker
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Late… oversnarpologies (if needed)….

    S-M: “Aura”, huh? Spidey just wants to get into the SNL sketch “The Californians”.

    Luann: “Let’s rub our hands together furiously in irrational fear of the big, bad internet so we can be cluelessly oppressive authority figures playing into the whole technophobia routine!” Really, though, it’s just a way to further create “drama” between Luann and her Skype (thus on the *shudder* internet) love buddy. (Just how much is Tiffany paying off the DeGroots to go through the motions, anyway? ‘Cause she IS so eeeeevil and all…)

    A3G: Yes, Margo’s parents, victims of the drive to eradicate any interest left in this blandified strip. It’s enough to make one miss even the annoying “hilarious ethnic” stereotype of 3G past.

    GT: “That Foster Brooks impression is kinda inappropriate for the occasion, Gil…. oh, wait — this is all about some ‘magic peacock’, right? …..Forget it. You were saying, Foster….?”

    Marm: It’s a rather mild start, by the vicious Doggie Dictatorship has finally begun!

  97. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    FC-This isn’t a sickness of the body but a sickness of the mind.

    A3G-”Fine. Fine. No thanks to you guys. You left me in the burnt out rubble of the building. A group of homeless people heard my cries for help and pulled me out of the rubble. They nursed me back to health and even made me their king.”

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): ¡Feliz cumpleaños!

  99. Poteet
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

  100. pugfuggly
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#38):

    Well, this has been a more informative day that usual on here. So maybe it would have been more accurate if a history teacher made that comment instead? Probably less funny, but more in line with the misery that is Westview high.

  101. Poteet
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    MT — Rusty hasn’t quite figured out yet that the Forbidden Van is a clue, but unlike Mark and Bluegill, he’s starting to get there. We need Andy to close the gap.

  102. Poteet
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): Happy B!

  103. Anonymous
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    GT – The second panel should’ve been ol’ Gil facepalming as hard as he can.

    9CL – If the cow’s owners haven’t even noticed the cow is missing, how did Thorax hear about it over a week ago?

    Love Is… knowing what will be in her.

  104. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Pluggers… also used to steal change out of convenience store donation jars.

    Until they got too old and fat to outrun the clerks.

  105. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Love Is-It’s not her tramp stamp since everyone can see that.

  106. Anonymous
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MT – Why do Mark and Rusty want to see inside of the van so badly? Maybe it was his editor’s idea?

    “Trail, I want pictures of that van or you’ll be outta here faster than a cheetah!”
    “The cheetah can reach land speeds up to-”
    “Get out, nature boy!”

  107. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Yo Ho, Baka Gaijan!

    Do you like to lunch at Ikea? You may not care but in case you do…

  108. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Liam!

  109. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#103): Because Thorax is the “Mr. Am” of 9 Chickweed Lane.
    Mr. Am=God

  110. Dr. Shrinker
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    GT: Forget the misspelling of “birseed.” He also says “laid” when it should be “lain.” Of course, why anyone would want to lay in birseed is a whole different topic. Perhaps the gentle nibbling of peacocks is appealing to ol’ Gil…

  111. erdmann
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    FW: I’m not familiar with Ohio tax statutes (a condition I share, no doubt, with Tom Batiuk), but if they’re anything like the ones I am familiar with, the problem is not whether or not “the new tax levy passes.” ‘Round these parts, a tax levy is the amount a school board (or other taxing body) hopes to collect in property tax revenues. That amount, based on the school district’s equalized assessed valuation and tax rate, is adopted by the board annually. I’ve never known a board not to adopt a levy, but I would assume failure to do so would prevent them from collecting any taxes. The tax rate is limited by state statute and a school district can only go beyond that limit if voters approve increasing it by a referendum. My guess is that Cayla is referring to something such as this. I should point out this is not a popular way of increasing school revenues, especially not in communities deemed small enough to not need post offices, but which still somehow have 100 teachers on staff in their schools. Nor, as you can imagine, is it generally considered scintillating story fodder.

    A3G: Evan turned himself in? We skip ahead a month? Ugh. Where’s the drama? I would have preferred something like this:
    [A panicky Evan races into Aunt Cathy’s office.]
    Cathy: Evan, you @#$% fool! What have you done? Three people are dead, another seven hospitalized. An entire apartment building destroyed!
    Evan: It was just a smoke bomb! I swear, I only wanted to ruin Margo’s wardrobe. I never wanted to (sob) hurt anyone!
    Cathy: I don’t care what you wanted! I’ve got to clean up your mess… again! I’ve called Leon. He can get you out of the country tonight. God knows I should just throw you to the cops…!
    Evan [grabbing Cathy roughly]: What!? No! I’m not gonna be locked up again! You promised!
    Cathy: E-Evan! You’re hurting me!
    Evan [wrapping his girlish hands around her neck]: You swore I’d never have to go back! You swore! I loved you and you lied to meee!!
    Cathy: Ack!!
    [Cathy flails about, trying to get free. By chance, her hand lands on a letter opener on her desk. She grabs it and plunges it deep into Evan’s back. It’s too late, however. Cathy slumps to the floor, dead. Evan staggers about the room, knocking over a scented candle onto a pile of papers before also falling dead. Flames begin to consume the office. Meanwhile, Margo, while still recovering from smoke inhalation, is wrongly accused of causing the apartment fire and Ari dies off panel, an event that goes unnoticed by the rest of the cast until after his ashes have been interred in an unmarked grave in a potter’s field.]

  112. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Slylock:“Earl ate the apples! I watched him do it, while I was here tending your stand, diligently guarding your fruit so that nobody would…eat…it…WAITWAITWAIT, that story makes me look negligent at best and complicit at worst, give me a minute to make up a better one!”

  113. RavenHawk
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Midtown (#45): “…I’m getting nostalgic for Crazy Harry.”

    I think he’s still “dry humping” that comic book.

  114. Poteet
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    9CL — No, Ms. & Ms. Smug Git, glowworms are not found in dung heaps. I have a friend who has a thing about the the glowworm species found in North America, and those glowworms, like others around the world, can generally be found in and near soil surfaces and leaf litter, which is not the same thing as being found in dung heaps. A dung heap, Mr. McEldowney, is your strip. (Apologies to real dung heaps, which provide useful fertilizer and habitat for many inverts and microorganisms.)

  115. Poteet
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @erdmann (#111): Your version of A3G is now riding on my imaginary float, waving a flag.

  116. Phred22
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Daredevil: You head for the Golden Gate Bridge. I’ll try the Top of the Mark Hotel.

  117. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#114): Maybe some dung beetles will come along and roll the strip away.

  118. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @erdmann (#111): I love that Aunt Cathy said, “Ack!”

  119. Dood
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I see week two of Bromancing the Missile is proceeding apace.

  120. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    And yet you can walk right through them.

  121. Dood
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “But I still miss good old 3-G, what with its complete lack of smoke alarms.”

    Sidenote: I first thought the professor was “getting used to Martin Magee’s luxury sheets.

  122. sully
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    If the world’s most lethargic missile is really zoning in on Parker’s ‘Spider-Aura’, shouldn’t it just detour to the nearest sofa in front of a TV, and wait?

  123. Mibbitmaker
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    FW: Uh, just let the entire staff of teachers go and replace them with an all-new faculty full of teachers who aren’t a bunch of insufferable turds. I don’t care if you can’t, Westview High, do it anyway!

    PBS: Laurels and Hardly.

    9CL: (smug, smug) Oh, the Great Unwashed are SO gauche! (smug, smug)

  124. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#61): re: MT:
    “Mark, I figured out a new way to use my peepee, and I’m going to try it on Sassy!”
    “That’s great, Rusty!”

    “Mark, I found a pack of wolves! I think they’re villainous, so I’m going to take their picture!”
    “That’s great, Rusty!”

    “Mark, I finished the rest of the pancakes!”
    “That’s grea—WHAT?!

  125. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): How long have you been unofficially 34? =-)

    Happy birthday!

  126. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @sully (#122): The Simpsons already did it.

  127. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    For queek and other squid aficionados.

  128. Will
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Aren’t shrews insectivores? Why would Shady even be a suspect? On the other hand shrews are very tiny, but Shady is bigger than an elephant. Who knows what Colossal Shrews eat.

  129. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#103): 9CL – If the cow’s owners haven’t even noticed the cow is missing, how did Thorax hear about it over a week ago?

    Because he’s Thorax, silly!

  130. Not-Pope Dan
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): Whippersnapper. (Happy Birthday.)

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    random thought from last night.

    how long is it going to take someone to mash-up “We Saw Your Boobs” with the scenes mentioned?

  132. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @erdmann (#111): Now that would make a GOOD story!

  133. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

  134. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#128):Who knows what Colossal Shrews eat?

    The Shadow knows!

    // So does Thorax.

  135. Arabella
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is this clumsy foreshadowing that Les will get the ax? Good thing he has the part-time job at Montoni’s to fall back on. Otherwise he might have to write another best selling book. (starts to watch Cayla for signs of illness)

  136. AhClem
    February 25th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#92):

    Say what you will, but Luann’s dad has really mastered his glassy-eyed, helpless, vacant stare of soul-crushed desperation.

    He’s hoping to escape the Luanniverse hell by auditioning for a new character in Funky Winkerbean.

  137. Majicou
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: The reason frozen pizza packaging has instructions beginning with “remove pizza from box and plastic wrap…”

    Zits: Everyone else sees this, right?

  138. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MW-My newspaper has the “Mary Worth” comic for today and we are in for a treat with this storyline. Mary is making chicken soup for a sick neighbor. What is this person sick with? Is it contagious? Will the building need to be quarantined?

  139. Hibbleton
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: My local paper has a different strip than the one available online. Mary’s cooking a pot of soup for a sick neighbor while Toby watches. Mild shock ensues when Mary says it’s for Toby’s neighbor!

    Dated 2/25.

  140. Hibbleton
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#138):
    What the frig? Do we both read our papers with lunch?

  141. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    FW — Not to worry. There’s plenty of excess admin staff (like Cayla) they can fire before touching the teachers…

  142. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#136):

    He’s hoping to escape the Luanniverse hell by auditioning for a new character in Funky Winkerbean.

    Out of the frying pan…

  143. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): On a little side note today is my birthday. I officially turn 34 today.

    Happy birthday, Liam, but you’re so much OLDER than I expected:

    http://contenido2.wambie.com/noticia/12736_br.jpg

  144. Amos Snarkadder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Crank shiv – Go ahead, cut ‘im! Cut ‘im good! Make him bleed! What are you waiting for?

  145. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#114): You’d think a vet and/or a professor of vet medicine would know that.

  146. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#138):
    @Hibbleton (#139):

    No Pool Party? Nations have fallen for less.

  147. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3G Martin Magee’s Luxury Suites: That really DOES look better, and sound more interesting, doesn’t it? I’d read it!

  148. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#139): Mine has a cow using a baseball bat.

    No, wait. That’s Mary stirring a pot.

  149. Amos Snarkadder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    MW – Mary is going to meddle Toby into entering a soup making contest. The old girl just can’t get enough of culinary competition. “Don’t drop it, Granny!”

  150. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#137):

    Zits: Everyone else sees this, right?

    If it’s a nightmarish hallucination, it’s a shared one.

  151. un malpaso
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    re:A3G: Hmmm… could it be possible that every scene of 3G is occurring in that fake “40′s apartment” that S.H.I.E.L.D. came up with for Captain America after they thawed him out?
    I mean, it makes sense right? Why dismantle it after you’re done, when you can just rent it out to other comic properties? Keep that space earnin’ money!

  152. Calico
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    GT – Hah, I can definitely imagine Gil as one who would keep a little bottle/hip flask in one of his desk drawers, like Gen. Halftrack or Thirsty Thurston.

    Marm – “Put some muscle into it, Phil!”

  153. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#150): need to be careful around consensual hallucinations.

    Matrixes get started that way.

  154. Calico
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#149):
    Once a co-worker/old friend accidentally dumped about 3 gallons of fresh marinara sauce on the kitchen floor of the resto where we worked, and then she slipped in it-with a white skirt on. Argh. As I recall I had to whip up a new batch pretty quickly (the pots were bigger than I was!).

  155. jim, some guy in iowa
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    pibgorn: i would have expected mc eldowney to draw himself taller

  156. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#153):
    Oh, crap. Zits is in the Matrix? A3G, yes. Mark Trail, yes. But Zits?

  157. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Bats Colon Left-Bracket: This maybe goes to the Dept. of Faint Praise, but Brooke McEldowney does really good call-outs, or speech balloons. I’d like to figure out how he does it.

  158. John C
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Can we apply the Rex Morgan “ah! My eyes, they burn!” picture from 2/19 to whenever Pastis does a pun strip?

    Luann: “Yes…the article said that one kid hacked into a secret super-computer named Joshua and played “Global Thermonuclear War” with it. Almost started WWIII against the Soviets! That’s just awful! Are you worried that Luann and Quill might do something like that with their ‘Skyping’?”

  159. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#157): He feeds them lots of beefwit juice.

  160. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#137): Zits: Everyone else sees this, right?

    No. Not at all. I, for one, DON’T see what you think you are seeing.

    // Perhaps you should seek help. Now.

  161. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#160): Admit it. You see it. You’re just nonplussed like Jeremy’s dad.

  162. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#124): Something tells me that Mark trail-sense regarding pancakes is like Peter Parker’s spider sense, only effective.

  163. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#154): Is “resto” something like a “vendo” or “solo car date”?

  164. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#126): They are in their 24th season. The Simpsons already did everything!

  166. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#161): shush! if you show weakness, They will know!

  167. Bill
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    GIL THORP

    INFORMATION BOX: GIL GRILLS GUARD RIC DEVORA…

    SECOND PANEL: “HAS ANYONE SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO HEAR HOW RIDICULOUS IT SOUNDS?”

  168. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#125):

    Since the beginning of the year.

  169. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#138): Oh, that is a thing of beauty and well worth waiting for.
    “Oh, the soup isn’t for me. It’s for our neighbor. Actually you’re the one who lives nearer to him, and yet somehow I’m the only one who takes an interest in the man or in his well-being. Oh well, I suppose we can’t all be caring and unselfish.”

  170. Droopy Says
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    How did DareDevil learn that Kingpin planned to fire a homing missile at him? Did he read a newspaper article that says “Kingpin steals one and only one experimental anti-radiation missile from Raytheon” and decide that this could only mean Kingpin would tweak its receiver to detect his radar sense? Or did Western Union deliver a telegram that said “DAREDEVIL I AM GOING TO KILL YOU WITH A MISSILE THAT HOMES IN ON YOUR RADAR SENSE STOP LEAVE NEW YORK AND COME TO SAN FRANCISCO SO I CAN KILL YOU STOP LOVE AND KISSES KINGPIN”?

    If my body generated microwave radiation, I’d look for a way to defeat that missile. I’d wear a tinfoil hat to block the radiation. Of course then I wouldn’t be able to swing around the skyscrapers while the missle is tracking me, but that’s a price I’d gladly pay. Or I’d go to Kingpin’s hideout, grab him and say “You may fire when ready, Grisly.” No, wait, I wouldn’t. If my body generated enough radio energy to attract a missile, and had been doing so for years, I’d be in the hospital, slowly dying from cancer while doctors and scientists tried to figure out how I’d developed a biological radar transmitter and receiver.

  171. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#140):

    It’s the only time I can really read the newspaper.

  172. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#147): Sounds like a reincarnation of “Bringing Up Father” to me.

  173. Jonathan
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn: I think it would have been a more satisfying “punchline” if Frank had said, “Let’s go online and see what the other parents are doing.” But perhaps I’m over analyzing the strip, and putting more thought into it than Greg Evans did.

  174. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#94):On a little side note today is my birthday. I officially turn 34 today.

    ‘You had better come and live here, Frodo my lad,’ said Bilbo one day; ‘and then we can celebrate our birthday parties comfortably together.’ At that time Frodo was still in his tweens, as the hobbits called the irresponsible twenties between childhood and coming of age at thirty-three.

    Welcome to adulthood, Liam!

    // You’ll still do smutty jokes, right?

  175. Majicou
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Dono (#6): Obligatory TV Tropes link, with obligatory warning: TV Tropes.

  176. "Nature Boy" Shrug Flair
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):

    “Speaking of dye-ing (and bleaching!), wrestler Ric Flair turns 64 today.”

    64? Years old, or number of divorces (and law suits arising from the latter)?

  177. bats :[
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

  178. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G– Thanks to Martin Magee’s deep pockets, the entire cast is movin’ on up “to a deluxe apartment in the sky.” But can Tommie be coerced into playing “Weezie” to the Professor’s “George Jefferson”?

  179. Shrug, in a Plain Brown Wrapper
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#53):

    “So convincing readers that Luann has also been arranging black-market adoptions, playing foreign lotteries, or looking at pron may take a little doing.”

    Hadr-coer pron, at that.

    //And that’s hard to pornounce!

    //// Actually, I realize that “pron” is short for sleaze pictures of pronghorns. It’s a profitable niche market. You don’t think Mark Trail makes a living from those articles he “writes” for WOODS AND WILDLIFE, do you?

  180. parcheesi
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    They split up, and the missile continues to follow Daredevil, just like it’s been doing for days now. Spider-Man wonders how the missile lost sight of his spectacular Spider-Aura; the walls of his self-delusion close in slightly further.

  181. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @”Nature Boy” Shrug Flair (#176): Sixty-four is the number of WOOS in a typical Ric Flair (“best two out of three falls”) wrestling match. Man is the biggest woo-manizer since Curly Howard.

  182. Shrug, Not Considering Taming One
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#128):

    “Who knows what Colossal Shrews eat.”

    People. But only minor B-movie characters.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052969/plotsummary

    ////They also bear uncanny resemblances to collies in shrew suits.

  183. Marc
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#178): I think you have to have some semblance of a personality to play Weezie. And with that being the case, Tommie is screwed.

  184. Shrug, Oh, Wow
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#171):

    “It’s the only time I can really read the newspaper.”

    Oh wow man.

    Have you ever, you know, “read” the newspaper? I mean, really really “read” it? It’s got all these strange things in it, and sometimes weird colors. Wow.

    Like wow. It’s . . . uh . . .

    ARRRGGGHHH THE SPIDERS!!!!! GETEMOFFMEGETEMOFFMEARGGGHHHhhh

    //// p.s. Happy birthday, young punk half my age…

  185. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#147): But would you stay there? Is there a free breakfast buffet? An omelet bar?

  186. TheDiva
    February 25th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#103): Bah, only beefwits are concerned with such trifling things as continuity!

    MW, no for real this time: Has Mary just not noticed that she’s burned off her right hand on the stove? Or does she just not care because she can use her unholy powers to regenerate it?

    Pibgorn: The maintenance on Brooke’s glass house must be keeping his local glaziers comfortably employed.

  187. Sequitur
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Suppose Luann has been online reading the Comics Curmudgeon site?

    Would reading about herself break the fourth wall?

  188. lynn
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Not Considering Taming One (#182): Loved that movie!
    //just bought a ticket to San Francisco for March 22, then on to Petaluma, my probation officer be damned! I’ll keep an eye out for this Daredevil guy, I imagine he and The ASM will still be dodging that missile.

  189. Calico
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#143):
    Now that is a cool cake.
    Happy Birthday, Liam!

  190. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: How is it that Bassy responds to inoccuous questions with a vigorous denial of his lack of integrity, but very invasive questions get a passive acceptance.

    Trail: Can I watch you every moment of the tournament?
    Bassy: Uh, yeah, I guess so.

    Rusty: Can I take pictures of your back seat, under your seat, your trunk and your equipment?
    Bassy: Sure, kid, as soon as I clean it.

    Bluegill: Wow, Rod, you really caught some fish there!
    Bassy: ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING??

    Trail: Would you mind fishing while connected to this polygraph and answer questions about what your “assistant” does exactly?
    Bassy: Uh, ok.

  191. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Not Considering Taming One (#182): we’ll use corgis for the remake, and make serious biscuit.

  192. Calico
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Bill (#167):
    I wonder if he tastes good with A-1 Sauce?

  193. Calico
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#191):
    Funny, I was just thinking about Snuffy doing a Hillbilly “8 Mile” remake.

  194. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#188): Petaluma? Say hi to Sonoma County for me, please! (It’s where I grew up.)

  195. odinthor
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    FW. — Use here of the term “humor,” we leave for others to debate; but this is perhaps not so much a jape as a not-quite-right reference to the original meaning of the term “decimated”: When a legion of Ancient Rome had done something disgraceful or terribly wrong as a group—“disgraceful” was “terribly wrong” to Ancient Romans, whatever it might be to enlightened modernity—they’d line ‘em up, and every tenth man was executed.

    GT — No, Gil—you should have lain in a supply of birdseed. You would have looked delightful reposing among all that millet and corn. Extra points if nude. (Yes, I see Dr. Shrinker got here first at #110; eh, we all get to whack at the piñata.*)

    Henry. — There’s another even less socially acceptable way for a male to douse candles. Mlle. should be appreciative.

    JP. — I didn’t know they had oil derricks in Paris. I suppose they had to tap all that curdled béarnaise sauce chefs have been throwing out into the gutters.

    Retail. — How dare a customer seek to buy what he wants rather than the seasonal merchandise a merchant finds convenient to sell!

    WoI. — “And make it fortissimo, please.”

    *Yes, as a matter of fact, “whack at the piñata” is what the kids are calling it these days.

  196. lynn
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#194): That adds a piquant sauce to my visit there!
    //Are the jail cells nice?

  197. Calico
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#163):
    Yes. : )
    In Quebec sometimes we use that as short slang for a Restaurant.
    Also, “Frigo” with a hard G for refrigetator.
    Several weeks ago my gf said she was going to put up Christmas “Deck.”
    The latter reminded me of the slang in “The Lost Weekend.” I’m sure it’s in other 40′s films too.

    Although “Solo Car Date” is the most awkward ever, even if you are Aldo Kelrast.

  198. Hogenmogen
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#139): Wow! A rare glimpse into the FUTURE of Mary Worth! It’s like having our own crystal ball for a day! And the results are amazing! If I would have ventured a guess, I would have said “shrimp scampi” or “salmon squares” or “unidentifiable, vague food material”. But STEW, woah, that’s like a game changer!

  199. Calico
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    *refrigerator”

    Refrigetator is what Luann is aka Cold Shower.

  200. Alex Blaze
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Team Luann, it’d be too late to save your industry by insinuating that the internet is scary and dangerous. But you’re really not going to save it by promising horny teen girls to the narrow demographic of 70+ year-olds who need their daily Luann fix.

  201. Mikey
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): Happy Birthday! Keep on snarkin’ !

  202. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#174):

    I can’t be an adult. I’m still immature in far so many ways to think of myself as an adult. I’ll still do smutty jokes. I’ll do any sort of joke that I think is funny.

  203. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#196): I wouldn’t know: I’m wanted throughout Northern California, but I’ve successfully been on the lam for years!

  204. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Rereading Mary Worth:

    Mary: Ah, there’s nothing like homemade chicken soup to cure what ails you!
    Toby: Are you sick? (Seriously, nobody believes that crap any more!)

  205. Mikey
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    MT: It looks like rusty has mutated into his Richie Cunningham character. I guess Mark could be the Fonz and Catfish could be Potsie. And Rod Bassy could be Pinky Tuscedaro. The bass in the lake could be the shark that Fonzie jumps over at the end of the strip (3 months from now). I know its a reach but it doesn’t seem to really matter when you think about this comic…..

  206. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#202): Ah, the mark of the very young man: will do anything.

  207. Mikey
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#204): Or this:
    Mary: Ah, there’s nothing like homemade chicken soup to cure what ails you!
    Toby: You are sick!

  208. AhClem
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    JP – There are very few hard and fast rules in the comics world. One is that every apartment and house window in Paris has a view of the Eiffel Tower (in this case, an Eiffel Tower that has been partially disassembled for its annual spring cleaning).

    The other rule is that every grocery shopping bag has a baguette and bunch of celery sticking out of the top. Maybe tomorrow.

  209. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#207): Or:
    “Are you sick? You must be, to be the kind of psychopath who keeps subjecting others to her foul beige brews.”

  210. Uncle Lumpy
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Oh boy, I’m starting to see the layout of Mary’s kitchen for the very first time:

    Stove – panel one, nothing to its left; panel two, nothing to its right. The stove stands alone.
    Cabinets – panel one, on wall opposite stove; panel two, on wall above stove. Cabinets on both walls; both panel viewpoints are from inside cabinets, through one-way viewing doors.
    Refrigerator – shares wall with stove, separated by calendar
    Countertop – on wall between stove and opposite-stove walls, beneath cabinets on opposite-stove wall, and to the right of refrigerator on stove wall.

    This will not end well.

  211. Chuck
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    I look at Luann and I thank the heavens that Archie never discovered the internet and cyber-whoozits.

  212. Mikey
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#210): I was looking at the same thing, severe perpsective problem. It made my brain hurt though. Not to overanalyze Mary Worth, but it looks like she has a Amazing Spider-Man! calendar by the fridge. From what I can see on her wall, it looks like he is being chased by something phallic while being lame at the same time. Resolutions not that good but I think that’s it.

  213. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Excuse me dear but do you think that you are showing too much leg wearing shorts like that. You can’t find a decent husband clothes that revealing.”

  214. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Oh, Wow (#184):

    ARRRGGGHHH THE SPIDERS!!!!! GETEMOFFMEGETEMOFFMEARGGGHHHhhh

    Looks like somebody has a Spider Aura!

  215. kanomi
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Decimated, in the original meaning, taking one in ten of your conquered enemies outside and executing them. A merciful fate for the long-suffering victims of this cancer cluster.

    Mary Worth: A new Mary Worth storyline! A sick person within Charterstone! Mary’s smug profound confidence in her own cooking abilities will cause her to drown a cancer patient in chicken soup, to be sure: “My cakes heal the wounds of the world, my soup is a panacea, drink more. MORE!”

    Family Circle: Daddy’s sick with a hangover, a special flu only for adults. No noise please, or “Not Me!” and all his little friends are going to stand out in the rain without no supper.

    Pluggers: The naturally thing, light bones of avians, evolved for flight, can lead to dangerously reed-like and brittle bones in mutant anthropomorphic bird-men. Common ailment at the Treetop Tattler.

    Dennis the Menace: “..An’ if you disturb him, he’ll wring your scrawny neck, jus’ like Sarge an’ Bettle Bailey! It’s true, I read it in the Sunday funnies every week!”

  216. Mikey
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#210): Also, it appears they have eight days a week in Santa Royale. I’m sure the extra day is called “Smugsday” or some similar thing.

  217. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#208): This is why she went to school in France instead of, say, Spain. Are there landmarks in Madrid? Sure. Are there landmarks that any nincompoop would recognize and say, “Oho, they’re in Madrid”? Not really.

  218. Old School Allie Cat
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Luann – I’m pretty sure B-Wad has been showing his firehose to randoms on Chatroulette for years, but we’re actively concerned now that Pure, Chaste Luann might be giving her overseas boyfriend a nip slip to keep his interest?

    I want to put out there my annual “If Luann Were Aging In Real Time” diatribe.

    If Luann were aging in real time, she would be roughly my age – rapidly approaching 40.

    Which makes the stuff her parents are worried about even more lurid. Let’s be honest – if I were interesting in showing my goods in a public forum, my mid-to-late teens would have been ideal – I was in good shape, gravity was working for me, I spent plenty of time outdoors and I wasn’t the pasty, middle-aged woman that 20 years of desk job have made me.

    My advice: Luann – DOOOO IT!

  219. Midtown
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#195): WofI: Aha, thank you for turning this into a plausible joke. I couldn’t figure what the fanfare had to do with the King going to the john.

  220. Peanut Gallery
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    BGSS – Snuffy’s just mad because Scudder refuses to take any bribes below $5.

    (“You want me to rule that ‘embonpoint’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘et cetera’? That’s gonna cost you.”)

  221. Peanut Gallery
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Revenge4Aldo (#64): “Looks like we’re on track to have this case wrapped up.”
    “Sweatbox was taking some crazy risks. He must’ve had a loco motive.”

  222. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#54): Re Pibgorn: You were, alas, correct in your surmise.

  223. Alice
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “I’m concerned that our daughter is using Gopher too much on the Compuserve information superhighway. I hear you can catch a Good Times virus from doing that.”

  224. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    I know that complaining about a lack of sense in Spiderman is irrational… but this makes no sense.

    Kingpin designs (or commissions) this weird slow-moving missile for the purposes of taking out Daredevil, and presumably one of the stipulations was that it detect and lock onto his radar sense (and do so in a fine-grained enough manner that it’s not going to take out other devices that emit radio waves). So, presumably the engineers were successful, in that it’s not flying into buildings or taking out cops with radar guns or anything like that. Why on earth would it then lock on to Spiderman’s “spider aura,” whatever the heck that is? What could Spiderman be emitting that would closely enough resemble Daredevil’s radio frequencies without being so different that he’s ruled out as a target? And why would it lose the lock on Daredevil?

    I swear, it makes much more sense to envision Kingpin steering this thing directly and remotely like a drone, than to try to come up with some way for this device to make sense as some sort of super-hero seeking missile.

  225. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 25th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#223): The next thing you know, she’ll be using AOL!

  226. Peanut Gallery
    February 25th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#204):
    Mary: Ah! There’s nothing like homemade chicken soup to cure what ails you!
    Toby: Is your soul sick?

  227. Ratiocinator
    February 25th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#224): The only explanation I can come up (and if this were a decently written story, I wouldn’t have to try) is that both of these guys gained their powers because of radioactive crap.

    Spider-Man, of course, got bitten by a radioactive spider.*

    Daredevil, as I recall, pushed a man out of the way of a truck carrying radioactive waste, got hit by the truck himself, and got exposed to the radioactive waste, causing him to lose his sight but giving him the radar sense and heightening his other senses.

    So maybe they have something in common because of that which makes the missile plod along after them, I don’t know.

    *Possibly of interest is that when J. Michael Straczynski was writing Amazing Spider-Man at the start of the aughties, he shared the opinion that this origin made no sense given how much more informed people had become about radiation and its effects, so he had Spider-Man meet this mysterious guy who basically said to him “Hey, you know that radiation doesn’t work like that. Don’t you think that there might have been something else abnormal about that spider? That the spider’s bite would have given you these powers whether it had gotten irradiated or not?”

  228. Shrug, Blinking Back at the Cursor
    February 25th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#225):

    “The next thing you know, she’ll be using AOL!”

    And then BOL, and COL, and DOL…but in this strip, we’ll never get to LOL!

    ////Actually the computers in this strip are probably still running CP/M.

  229. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 25th, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#223): Are there any Gopher servers still around? I haven’t seen one in ages…

  230. ralph
    February 25th, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So how much education DOES it take to commit theft and fraud and leave the victim unaware anything untoward has happened? If there was any intent to make some sort of moral point with this story it was utterly smashed by the fraud. And now we are to understand that the supposed perps are not only vicious but terminally stupid. Note to cartoonist: Farming is not for the lazy or unintelligent, although if you started out rich you could bumble along for a while. Also, the vets I have known have been intelligent, hard working, and honest. Sorry about the ones you apparently know.
    Really, this story line has descended so far into farce that I almost wouldn’t be offended by it any more if I hadn’t once been a farmer myself. If a person takes it all at face value then it’s satisfying to laugh at the entire cast and their doings. Identify with any of them? Not a chance.

  231. Peanut Gallery
    February 25th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#229): That’s what the thirsty gopher said, a long time after walking into a bar.

  232. Shrug of the Ground Squirrels
    February 25th, 2013 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#229):

    I guess — not that I’ve run across them in “daily life” for years …

    http://wt.gopherite.org/

  233. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 25th, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#230): Agreed. For there to be even a tiny sting of truth in a satirical depiction, there has to be, well, some truth in it.

    (See also Pibgorn.)

  234. TheDiva
    February 25th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#222): Well, it was a pretty safe bet. Kind of like saying “Les Moore will be an insufferable dick,” or “Absolutely nothing exciting will happen in Mary Worth.”

  235. Shran
    February 25th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    WHOA! This *intertubes* thing has images and videos of people in various states of undress, or even engaged in sexual acts? Though I doubt it was the intention, Luann has opened my eyes to a whole new world of debauchery. I’m going to have keep an eye on this comic!

  236. Alice
    February 25th, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#229): Wikipedia says that Gopher enthusiasts still maintain a small number of servers. There are also a few gateway sites which convert Gopher pages into HTTP, as well as Firefox and Chrome extensions that enable viewing Gopher documents in their native mode.

    Not that either would help the DeGroots. From the looks of things, I doubt they’ve fully mastered turning their computer on.

  237. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 25th, 2013 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#185): As long as they have fast Wi-Fi, one of those micro-fridge combos, and plenty of hot water, I’m good.

  238. Baka Gaijin
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#107): Eh, whatever. Here I can order horsemeat straight on the menu at regular restaurants. Besides, call me a snob but I don’t go to Ikea. The nearest ones are too far away and they don’t speak a language I understand. And talk about clusterfuck. People going this way, people going that way, people clumping up and talking in the main arteries so that you have to bounce off a Dagstorp over a Billy to get to the next section. A little horse DNA in meatballs is the least of my Ikea worries.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#217): In the Plaza de Oriente there’s a Starbucks that’s totally unique. Totally.

  239. tallyHO
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I hate to repeat myself from last night but I don’t really have anything else to add:

    spider-man–

    The rocket’s homing in on his spider aura? So it isn’t a heat seeking missile? It is actually a stink bomb?

  240. tallyHO
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#236):

    There was also Archie, Jughead and Veronica which makes me wonder if naming search engines after comics characters went out of style…copyright reasons not withstanding.

  241. Liam
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-That would give a new meaning to a seed cone.

    Luann-Playing those multiple player online games? Frightening.

  242. Alison
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#94):
    Happy birthday, Liam! I see “Mary Worth” has given you the gift of finally moving on today from the terrible Mr. Dill Bakes A Cake storyline. (On my birthday I believe we were still stuck on the Dawn And The One-Armed Man plot, ugh.) I don’t know if this storyline will be any better than the old one but it really couldn’t be worse, so, there’s that.

    “Luann”: I can just see Luann’s parents trying to investigate this on their own, except not being able to figure out how to work that Internet-thingy doodad whatchamacallit exactly. Probably Luann’s dad will stumble across Google and think it’s Skype, and type in, “Hey Quill, now, you and Luann aren’t talking dirty, are you?” and when the results come up involving “talking dirty” he will faint dead away.

  243. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 25th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#154): Devastating! But so much more dramatic than dropping a cake.

  244. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#148): BWAHAHAHA!

  245. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#94): Happy Birthday, young’un!

  246. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#93):

    FW: The joke is that Les, being an English teacher, knows what the word “decimate” actually means and suspects the maths teacher doesn’t.

    That’s why they’ll kill him first.

  247. Baka Gaijin
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#242) on Mary Worth: I’d missed Mary Worth on first peruse of the DailyInk. Well, I wouldn’t say I “missed” it, more like overlooked. And what excitement did I miss. Well, I wouldn’t say “excitement,” more like “no more giant Mary Worth head.”

  248. housemonkey
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure Daredevil is just glad of the opportunity to get away from Spiderman. “Yeah, we should definitely split up, probably for an extended period of time, maybe even move to different cities, just to be sure.”

  249. Dawn Weston's Evil Twin
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    MW: What, no Charterstone pool party?! I can’t believe it! What a rip-off! (Why do I care?)

  250. Helen Clark
    February 25th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Soup? You’re bringing the poor bastard some goddamned soup? Listen, when I have a sick friend, I bring the makings of a hot toddy–some whiskey, honey, lemon–with enough for the both of us. After a few of those, he feels much better. Or that’s how it looks to me.

    But soup? Jesus H. Christ. Nothing like making some sick SOB long for death.

  251. tallyHO
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#247):

    For a while, the Monday strip that was up was the one from Friday, with John Dillbur on the plane looking out the window after reciting a…oh hell! It was this one!

    So they repeated that one.

    I was really, really, really hoping to bust out:


    He’s leaving on a jetplane
    He’ll ne’er been seen again!

    He knows he’s on the lam-huh-ham huh ham!
    So, to get out that jam
    He’ll hide out with Liam.
    Who’ll kick him to the curb!

    Happy B-Day, Liam!

  252. tallyHO
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Dawn Weston’s Evil Twin (#249):

    Yes. It would seem like you would hate those pool parties.

    Or, perhaps there’s a little spot in your heart that that says “Life is Brutal” not as a lament but as a directive or as an invective!

  253. tallyHO
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#247):

    Waitasecond! Has anyone piped up about this conspiracy?

    I just checked the link to the Friday’s strip and it was one I hadn’t seen before. Mary was wearing a yarmukle and referring to herself in the third person.

    The comic where John Dill sees Mary Spirit in the Sky is missing!

    (excuse me while I chair dance to that damned song!)

    Somehow, they swapped out that strip and now we don’t…we don’t…

    Aaaaahhh. You know, I don’t really care all much. Besides, Uncle Lumpy, Comic Cop, preserved the Spiritual Strip for all of Posterity. Somene give that man the Rolaids Relief of the Year Award, stat! And, get me some Rolaids, stat!
    Then check my stats, stat! I’ve probably eaten too many Rolaids in the past year!

  254. Zla'od
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Dear 4chan: please give me a fake screenshot of Luann sexting…whoever it is that Luann would sext. Failing that, how about Mary Worth?

    (Josh, here’s an idea for your next year’s fundraiser!)

    SM: The thing about Daredevil is that yes, he really does have a kind of radar (it’s drawn as a bunch of concentric circles emanating from his head), which means that effectively, he’s not really handicapped. That’s why he’s able to swing around on buildings, which blind people normally can’t do. Or any other kind of people either, for that matter, but never mind.

  255. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#247): Speaking of form-meets-function: the very blandness of Mary Worth serves to camouflage it on the comics page. It’s a survival strategy of sorts.

  256. Sgt. Stoned
    February 25th, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: Elrod is obviously stalling for time because he cannot figure out a rational explanation as to why a lure “that lights up” would seduce bass, and not just any bass, but the biggest bass, to bite into a hook. And the reason he cannot figure it out is because there isn’t any.

    MW: Does today’s strip mean that, after the Cake Baking Contest, the Chicken Soup Making Contest is the biggest thing in Santa Royale?

    GT: So, after about two months or so, Gil finally puts in an appearance at a basketball game that he is being paid to coach. Maybe this explains why his teams invariably lose playoffs and championships.

  257. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Cayuga (#7):

    That oughta get you on the float! Maybe even…..

  258. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 25th, 2013 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#255): “Congo Bill” survived for 20 years
    by hiding in the back of comic books starring Superman and Superboy. And
    he might still be around if someone hadn’t decided to turn him into “Congorilla.”

  259. Alison
    February 26th, 2013 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#247):
    Oh! It was just awesome! Tobey was eating an apple. Mary was cooking some more lumps of nothing. How could you ever miss it?!

    Seriously, though, is Tobey single? Because I smell a “Mary sets up Tobey with the lonely neighbour who lives next to her” arc. Also, am I spelling “Tobey” the way she spells it? And that blonde chick IS Tobey, isn’t it? Oh, so many questions.

  260. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 26th, 2013 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    @Alison (#259): Because I smell a “Mary sets up Tobey with the lonely neighbour who lives next to her” arc.

    Toby Cameron’s HUSBAND — Professor Ian Cameron (“Chinbeard”) — might have something to say about that.

  261. Just Some Guy
    February 26th, 2013 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    In the next installment, the DeGroots visit ChatRoulette.

  262. The Restless Mouse
    February 26th, 2013 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    LuAnn’s dad is so worried, it made his t-shirt ride up onto his neck.

  263. NonnyMus
    February 26th, 2013 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    I guess ‘luxury’ is defined by lavendar walls with bright green drapes instead of bright blue walls with orange curtains!

  264. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 3rd, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Luann 2/25 – Mr. DeGroot has learned that there are images online of him “doing it” with his daughter, and vaguely suspects that these are only slightly less real than his own two-dimensional existence. And sometimes better drawn.

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