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Wednesday quickies

Apartment 3-G, 2/27/13

Wow, now I’m really bummed that they’ve made Margo’s parents boring, because that guarantees that the sex scene that’s starting today will be super dull.

Herb and Jamaal, 2/27/13

“Mommy, the floor is covered in broken glass!” “Whatever, kids, walk around it. It’s the weekend!”

Spider-Man, 2/27/13

“Sooo, that missile is heading … more or less towards the water, right? Probably less than a one in three chance that it will land on those houses near the beach, or will kick up a blast wave that will spread damage for miles. Certainly no reason for us to not just spend the next twenty minutes telling each other how great we are!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/27/13

“‘Pick your gay nephew to manage the property, Melissa,’ I said to myself. ‘The gay nephew won’t turn it into a stripper party house,’ I said. Oh, my beautiful plans, all shattered in pieces at my feet!”

340 responses to “Wednesday quickies”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Pluggers… display the telltale signs of rigor mortis while they’re still alive.

    Heathcliff… bursts into tears after losing his special glow-in-the-dark Ronco® Showtime Rod Bassy Fishing Lure. “There goes the best $9.95 I ever spent!” he sobs to himself.

  2. Ranger
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    SM: Wasn’t there a countdown on Sunday? Weren’t we at SIX if I am not mistaken? Shouldn’t 6 seconds have passed already? I swear if we get to Friday and Kingpin yells FIVE while the missile is safely off shore at the bottom of the ocean, I’ll, I’ll…..who am I kidding, I won’t be surprised. In fact SM and DD will probably be in Kingpin’s office when he yells five.

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Daredevil’s nickname is “horn-head” because he likes to toot his own horn.

  4. Chareth Cutestory
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man & RMMD: Brilliant delivery of the Spider-Man and Rex Morgan strips. This introduces a paradox, however. Everything that happens to anyone in the Rex Morgan universe turns into a huge money windfall, but everything Spider-Man does in his universe is a supreme fuckup. Spider-Man can never make good outcomes and the Morgans can never receive bad outcomes. I need a whiteboard and several colors of markers if I-m ever going to get this sorted out…

  5. Ratiocinator
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    ASM: So the slllloooowwww missile gets confused when DD & Spidey go in different directions, Spidey shoots web onto its nose, and that causes it to break.

    This missile is even more pathetic than Spider-Man.

    Let me repeat that: this missile is even more pathetic than Spider-Man, a state of being which was heretofore seen as an impossibility.

    FW: But that makes no…ebola virus doesn’t make you…it doesn’t work as OH FORGET IT!

    Garfield: Dear squirrel: Why are you still using snail mail when even somebody as “slow” as I am is computer literate these days? -Odie

    Luann: Then Luann will say “Yes, AVG is doing its job, no need to worry about viruses, thanks for asking,” before going upstairs, turning on her computer, and doing whatever the hell her parents were worried about her doing that doesn’t have anything to do with computer viruses. Masturbating for Quill, I guess.

    Apologies for making people picture Luann masturbating.

    JP: “I miss her, and this time when she visits I will give her these flowers and tell her how I really feel about her!”

    RMMD: “Money going to a woman who desperately needs expensive medical treatment if she’s to have any hope of surviving? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!

    Slylock: “I won’t have to use a plate though, right? I see no reason not to just hold the cake in my hand as I dismantle it with the fork. Why are we even going to this trouble for Grandma anyway? She’s a pig just like us, so she has horrible table manners just like us. I know it’s an offensive stereotype, but it’s one that happens to be true.”

  6. Tom D.
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    So when did Gabby, Margo’s mother dye her hair gray?

  7. KreatureFeatures
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    FW: Why the packed gym? Has Batuik never been to a high school girls basketball game?

  8. pugfuggly
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    A3G I remember when I was a kid, I’d stay out late sometimes and my mother would stay up just worrying the drapes blue.

    Also, I don’t think sex is on the table for tonight for those two. Clearly they’ve just busted out their matching leather-bound editions of Great Expectations and plan on racing each other to the climax….of the book.

    ASM Congratulations, you’ve so completely bored that missile that it’s throwing itself into the sea. You should consider that tactic more often, Spidey!

    RMMD I’m a little sad that we missed Melissa’s little euphemism between panels 1 & 2. I’m not really up on upper-class slurs these days…

  9. S. Stout
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Luann: Or just take her computer to a shop and have spyware installed on it so you know what she’s up to. It’s not like you don’t have the time, neither of you work apparently.

    S-M: Considering the propulsion hasn’t stopped, it has decided to track the massive fun aura of all the kids playing on the beach.

  10. Christopher
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “So, anyway, Daredevil, what do you say we go grab a beer and watch an action flick? I’ve just gotten the Blu-Ray of Collateral Damage.”

  11. Midtown
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    FW: Ah, ebola virus! Always good for a laugh! There’s just something intrinsically funny about ebola virus!

  12. Mibbitmaker
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Glibporn: Is “Bozoid” the robot’s name? Or is it some kind of fantasy world curse word, as in, “You…. You BOZOID!!!”? Either way, I still like Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy, and Geoff Peterson better.

    9CL: “My, aren’t we getting plural all of a sudden?” — Barney Rubble

    Curtis: Curtis split — literally!

    Luann: While the clueless parents cluelessly scheme a clueless scheme, the self-righteous daughter comes home livid at being bested by a harridan who is completely correct (translated as “slut being a slut to virtuous heroine”), and has a far better argument about the internet and Luann than the parents could ever have. Welcome to “At Home with the Wrongs”.

    NS: Danae will be renamed “Pope Bigot the First” (though she ties the actual, anciently run papacy in sexist exclusivism)

    Popeye: From touchingly missing the kid to irrational hatred in no time flat!

  13. Écureuil Écumant
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    A3G: Of course you didn’t hear Margo come home last night, Moms. She flew her broom through her open bedroom window.

  14. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Silly, Josh. Martin doesn’t want to have sex with Gabby. Because Martin doesn’t believe a husband is supposed to have sex with his wife — except for the purpose of procreation. And they’ve already done their duty to God and Country by bringing a “baby girl” into the world.

    No, Margo Magee’s father really, really wants to play Santase, a Bulgarian card game for two players.

  15. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    ASM: I think Optimus Prime Rib was right yesterday. This arc is just a rip-off of the Ambiguously Gay Duo from SNL. SM: “You’re no slouch yourself friend of friends! Now let’s head down to the Castro district for a drink! What’s everyone looking at?” Me: “Nothing!”

  16. Marc
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    9CL- If this dweeb had a backbone, he’d tell that bitch that she’s on her own and he refuses to be complicit in her crimes.

    A3G- Umm is this the start of a cialis commercial?

    Luann- Tiffany cautions Luann about exposing her boobs on the Internet; Tiffany must be a horrible, psycho bitch. Luann IS a horrible, psycho, and hate filled bitch; Luann is a lovable, caring girl who has been unfairly put upon.

    Mark Trail- How many fucking pictures does Rusty think Mark’s three inch blurb about this fishing tournament is going to need?

    Mary Worth- Mary’s meddlegasm is kicking into high gear and she doesn’t even know the problem yet. She can’t bear the thought of someone preferring to have some alone time as opposed to the constant onslaught of nosy neighbors.

    Family Circus- Is Daddy taking DayQuil or being administered the lethal in injection?

  17. nescio
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    A3G: Thanks to the link, I can see that Margo’s parents are still wearing their overcoats. What kind of people never take off their overcoats? Flashers! Why spend time worrying about Margo when you can go out and be part of a geriatric flasher tag-team?

  18. Marc
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Funky- The joke makes no sense and the dialogue is terrible; but goddamn it, Batiuk got in the mention of a potentially deadly disease, spoken by mopey characters. So in his book, that’s a success.

  19. Cloudbuster
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    GT: I saw this exact same plot done in Dumbo with the magic feather. Somehow it was more realistic coming from a flying baby elephant and a murder of jive-talkin’ crows.

    ASM: You know why pornos almost never end with the guy just losing his erection and sheepishly meandering off to the beach? This is why.

    Rant: Does anyone else hate it that some of the blurbs for the comics on ComicsKingdom-fed sites have grammatical errors? Errors I’ve had to stare at for years. “The star of Rex Morgan, M.D. is a principle-driven medical practitioner has a flawless knack for diagnosing illnesses and uncovering corruption and misconduct.” Argh.

  20. Écureuil Écumant
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    RMMRSA: “Oh, my beautiful plans, all shattered in pieces at my feet!”

    Cheer up, it could be worse. Look at Herb’s mommy — just dropped her brand new bottle of Seagram’s on the kitchen floor. There goes her Wednesday.

    Also, Rex is obviously going commando behind the well-placed ‘phone balloon. What a disappointment, Rex, it isn’t a gay beach after all.

  21. But What Do I Know?
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#4): It’s too bad Rex is in San Diego. I could totally go for the World’s Slowest Missile dropping on his beach umbrella!

    A3G — Let’s hop into the sack and make up stories about what our little girl is doing when she’s “out all night.” I’m turned on already!

    GT — Extra shooting practice and some confidence is all the Mudlarks needed? If only they had someone associated with the team who could have thought up how to do that earlier. . .

  22. Squeak
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    “There’s four apartments!” It’s nice to see that the super-rich aren’t wasting their fortunes on an education.

  23. pugfuggly
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Luann “…then Luann will say ‘Why are you explaining all of this in exaggerated pantomime?’ and that’s our cue to pretend we’re walking against a strong wind…”

    MW “I’m sure Mr Harpman has a good reason for keeping his dark personal secrets to himself, that’s why I’m going to win him over with soup first and then get the dirt on him. I’m charging $10 a secret, by the way, and $20 if you want me to use real names.”

  24. seismic-2
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#y332): I had no problem today getting the strips from dailyINK.com .

  25. Crankenstank
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Once you go silver fox, you’ll never go back.

  26. Écureuil Écumant
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#4): “Apologies for making people picture Luann masturbating.”

    Yeah, thanks for those images of a Titan arum and a Dionaea muscipula that are festering in my brain now.

  27. Doug Puthoff
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Asinine Spider-Man: Matt Murdock, a.k.a. Daredevil, went to law school. One would think he could do better than “You did good.”

  28. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

  29. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    TASM: Spider-Man is listed under “S” in the Houston Chron’s list. It is under “A” for “Amazing” in the Comics Kingdom. And the Darkgate Slurper, bless it’s soul, has it under “T” for “The”.

    // Gotta love the Slurper!

  30. Dood
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “Scrabble!”

  31. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    9CL – Today we see one of the more endearing qualities of Brooke’s heroines. Their willingness to browbeat their thralls into becoming accomplices to a crime after the fact.

    The most annoying thing, of many, about this story line is that this one incident of alleged animal abuse has just been another excuse for the female protagonists to behave like entitled, self-indulgent primadonnas. The vet sees what she feels is abuse, so she verbally insults the farmers, leaves, sends them a padded bill, then returns (presumably after the bill has been paid) and simply wanders off with their livestock, which she then hides at the home of a friend before even asking her permission, all the while congratulating herself for what a selflessly heroic act she is performing. Mary Worth would find the self-congratulation a little too overt.

    And, really, two small New Hampshire dairy farmers are too drunk and stupid to know how much livestock they have, or to notice that their new calf is missing? I know a few drunk and stupid rural New Hampshire farmers, but even they aren’t capable of that level of incompetence.

  32. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    9CL: UNSPEAKABLE FILTH!!!! (oh, “hot” as in stolen. . . .nm.)

    Lio: *snurk* inspired by Dungbombs, no doubt.

    SBp: memetic WIN! *applaz*

    Zits: Connie shows the DeGroots how it’s done.

    Bizarro: Ach, MYYYY!

    FW: “Flora Burns”, gettit? /facepalm

    JUMBLE: mmmm, Jumble Java, found in the markets as LUBJEM VJAA.

    OBH: mustard on chicken works well, actually, all malaprops aside. Good non-fatty thing to slather on the chicken before rolling in panko and baking.

    Ghost-who-invades-personal space: like before, when you poked her in the ass with a stick?!?!?

    RMMD: *snerk* that’s slipping one past the radar.

    SF: the yuri, it burrrnnnnnns.

    SFx: word balloons in my Slylock Fox?!?!?!?

    by the Time ComicsKingdom loads the Wednesday Retail, it will be Thursday.

    having finally went to Feuti’s sight to find it, the QG (who works retail) agrees with it wholeheartedly.

  33. Gabacho
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Every MW plotline starts magnificently. Haughty Toby cluelessly commenting on an unsuspecting neighbor. Mary plotting to extract the secrets by any means possible. It’s thrilling. It’s why we come back.

    And then MW crushes us with the dullest possible resolutions.

    Apartment 3G – Do they miss every plotline in this strip? In the last year, LuAnn discovered her abusive parents were not her parents at all and went away for three months to confront them. Not a word about how that went.

    An embedded stud muffin from a rival PR agency tried to kill Margo on Christmas and we’re skipping over that.

    Instead we get old people babbling confusedly about the memory of sex. This is like my house and I don’t like my house.

    Sally Forth – While Sally is recovering from her existential crisis masquerading as Seasonal Affective Disorder, Faye has stepped up to be the mom Ted could never be. It’s a good thing.

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . rocking her casbah, dropping your ‘bomb’ between her minarets, go down the Casbah way. (Sharia don’t like it. . .)

  35. Holly Folly
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I’m less concerned about the missile, and more concerned that Spiderman’s aura has the ability to literally erase the buildings behind him.

  36. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    A3G: Russian roulette?

    S-M: Don’t feel too bad, Kingpin. It happens to all guys sometimes.

    RMMD: Ah, so that’s why we never saw Junior. Based on what Auntie Melissa says, he’d have to be gayer than Rex. That’s a pretty steep challenge for any writer, and we can’t blame Woody Wilson too much for backing off of it.

    MW: Phew. If Mary hadn’t taken those last nine words out of the dialog balloon and put them in a specially made thought balloon, she might have honestly expressed how she felt about something. We certainly can’t have that.

    Ziggy: That lobster has already been boiled. Either it survived the unsurvivable or it’s undead. It doesn’t matter whether it goes after Ziggy first or not, they’re all going down.

    FW: All citizens of Westview have the comparative charts of life threatening diseases memorized by heart.

    9CL: Worst relationship upgrade ever this side of Les and Cayla.

    JP: Jules is now scrubbing toilets for the Norwegian family who won him from Neddy in a high stakes poker game, but I’m sure he’s flattered somebody in the Spencer-Driver clan remembers him.

    GA: The Parson is assuming that Rufus has already knocked the bride up, but he’s mistaken, right? Right?

    BB: “Either that or it just stayed orange throughout. You know, whatever.”

    GT: And then they all collapsed on the floor laughing.

    FC: “Sure, but put on these googly eye glasses first and let me smear blood-red lipstick on your mouth.”

    Marvin: Jenny Miller illustrates the concept of “schadenfreude” for the whole class.

  37. Hogenmogen
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    RMMD: 4 apartments:

    Honey and Ginger share one
    One for Phoenix Tumor Reising
    Junior gets his own
    Spare for Rex and June, with the only working shower in the place.

  38. Illustrator Steve
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    MT – “Mark, do you think Rod Bassy is catching those fish illegally?”
    “ARE YOU ACCUSING ROD BASSY OF CHEATING?!!!”

  39. Scooby Don't
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Ambiguously Gay Spider-Man Duo. Missing third panel dialogue. “Actually, I am horny all over.”

  40. Mibbitmaker
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    FW: Even sports metaphors are deadly diseases in Batiuk’s Wide World of Agony.

    RMMD: June’s winking underneath those sunglasses, isn’t she?

    MW: “He has a right to privacy, except he doesn’t — from snoopy, nosey busybodies, at least.”
    –Mary Worth, Secret Police, Charterstone division.

  41. Doug Puthoff
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox–Wow! A Slylock strip with an actual gag! That’s like a Funky Winkerbean strip with humor!.

  42. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Gabacho (#33): “Dullest possible resolutions”? Are you saying you weren’t on the edge of your seat watching two AARP stalwarts not drop a cake? Even in the face of a random heckler? You are one jaded customer, my friend.

  43. Thorpnotized
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “THERE’S FOUR APARTMENTS!” should be “THERE ARE FOUR APARTMENTS!” She should know better.

  44. Hogenmogen
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    SM: I remember San Fran having a lot of wharfs. Boats, docks, boardwalks, street vendors. Undeveloped beach? Not so much.

    “We’ve beaten the missile! It couldn’t possibly turn around on us now, like it did a hundred times over the last week.”

    Yeah, stay tuned as Kingpin gets comically angry at this failure to kill the least skilled superheroes with a missle that travels at Yugo-speed.

  45. Cthulhu Cares
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: Martin and Gabby’s sex might be pretty interesting, if the bedrooms keeps changing around them the way whatever room they’re standing in does. Gray curtains jump to the right! Billowing blue curtains appear on the left! Flowers turn into books! Either that, or Gabby is walking backwards as they move through their home, unable to look away from Martin’s intense eyes… those dark eyes, that consuming gaze… Yes, she will do whatever he wants, no matter how perverse.

  46. Pozzo
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Junior actually liked girls until he accidentally saw Margo’s parents having sex. That turned him off heterosexuality for life.

  47. TheDiva
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: I smell a rousing game of Skip-Bo in the near future!

    SM: The missile takes the opportunity to exit the story early, proving it to be the smartest character in the arc.

  48. Hogenmogen
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Cancer! Stroke! Ebola virus! Hah hahahahahah! This strip is mean.

  49. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#29): Yeah, Darkgate’s funny that way. Spider-Man and Family Circus are both under T for “the”. Other strips like The Lockhorns and The Wizard of Id simply drop the definite article. I hope the founder of Darkgate has never worked as a file clerk.

  50. Hogenmogen
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: I know what to do! Let’s re-arrange the furniture, like always!

  51. Hibbleton
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    F-: Pluggers crossover.

    A3G: I was looking forward to Evan being humiliated doing the perp walk in handcuffs. Seeing Martin handcuffed to the headboard is not quite as gratifying.

    MW: Mwah! Hah! Hah!

  52. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#48): Just need an arc where Les gets cancer, then goes to Africa to find a natural cure, catches Ebola and has a stroke trying to get out of the jungle. Maybe add in a Tse Tse fly or two.

  53. Dood
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Rex’s babbling is interrupting June’s enjoyment of Fifty Shades of Grey.

  54. Hogenmogen
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    SM: Yesterday, Spidey fwipped it with webbing. Today, no webbing. So really, what good did that do?

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#49): I hope the founder of Darkgate has never worked as a file clerk.

    Funny, his system seemed to work just fine when those “Letters of Reprimand for Employee Performance” disappeared from HIS file.

  56. Hogenmogen
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Hey, Curmudges! I know that someone hacked into King Features and inserted that Mary Worth thought balloon. There is NO WAY that Moy and Giella threw in that sinister “… And he may reveal to me what they are!”

    ‘Fess up, people! Bonus points if you figure out some multi-media way for it to come out in Mary’s Darth Vader voice.

  57. Dartpaw86
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Did Apartment 3G enter a parallel universe or something?
    Where people actually care about Margo, her mother is old and average, and Ruby is now Ebony.

    Maybe this is the Apartment 3B people were mentioning.

  58. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: And so the muscle-bound men in tights stood together, arms around one another, watching the flaming phallic symbol disappear into…the San Francisco Bay.

    Will you excuse me? I think I need to go have a cigarette.

  59. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#58): I cannot wait to see what bats:[ will do with this. I hope she can get the Phantom in there, too.

  60. TheDiva
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wasn’t Edda supposed to come down and be an accomplice in this inane plot at some point? Or did she forget which train to take, panic and fly to Austria to ask Gramma Nazi for advice?

    C’shaft: Who does Crankshaft know that’s getting married? Or is he pretending the latest in his life’s constant parade of funerals is merely a nuptial mass with the bride born down the aisle in a long, narrow litter?

    FW: Someone in Funkytown just compared enthusiasm and the will to succeed with a horrible disease. Yep, sounds about right.

    Luann: So, to review: honest discussion of safe Internet behavior is mean girl bullying, while a stupid, obvious, convoluted attempt to even bring up the subject is good parenting. Sure, Evans. Whatever you say.

    MW: Ugh, now we’re praising Mary before her latest meddle as well as after. Eventually this strip will consist entirely of paeans to Mary’s glory.

    Pibgorn: So….what was the point of the past several strips? Was Brooke trying to imply that his critics wouldn’t know what to do with a hot, willing woman if they had one? Did he just think, “Hey, I haven’t pummeled the troll character in a few weeks, I should find an excuse to have him beaten with a monitor?” Should I just be glad it isn’t the porno version of the Arabian Nights anymore?

  61. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: For the record, I think Josh is wrong about the interest the coming sex scene holds. It’ll be very interesting – as long as you have an adult diaper fetish. Hi-ho Depends, away!

  62. Binder's Butter Beans
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    What, no mention of Mary Worth this morning? She totally gave me the heebiejeebies. I mean, that happens sometimes, reading Mary Worth, but if I’m honest it isn’t usually Mary that does it, it’ll be Wilbur or “John Dill” (if that is his real name) or whoever.

    This morning it was Mary. “And he may reveal to me what they are – mwaaaa-hahahahaha!

    Run, Mr Harpman! Run for your life!!

  63. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#59): THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN IS NO MORE HOMOEROTIC THAN A PRO FOOTBALL GAME, SO STOP ASKING, GUYS!!!

  64. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#36):

    GA: The Parson is assuming that Rufus has already knocked the bride up, but he’s mistaken, right? Right?

    Where do you think Donkey from Shrek came from?

  65. Stroker Ace
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    A3G – Margo’s parents are about to enjoy a big bear sandwich with meat and cheeses.

  66. Mighty Max King
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderman and Daredevil: Boomchickawawa!

  67. Cleve Barrister
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#7): No-in FW it’s always Batiuk “fantasy world” (ie, “upside down world”)where girls’ basketball games are heavily attended and people actually get excited about those games but nobody goes to the boys’ basketball games; , the band is admired while the football team is not; teachers are the “best” and everyone else is subservient to them; etc

  68. Ian Beste
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#44): The western edge of San Francisco has plenty of beaches, but no big officey-type buildings along them. Plenty of bundled-up locals walking dogs and tossing frisbees if I remember correctly.

    @nescio (#17): The original “flash mob.”

  69. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Just a couple more:

    Hieratic Mark Trail: ! ! ? <Squirrel!> ! ! (You can thank me for giving you back your life later.)

    Mary Worth: Probably wrong prediction: this plot will resolve itself on March 17th with Mary uncovering Mr. Harpman’s secret pot of gold.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Oh, my. All four apartments have been given over to strippers and nephews of ambiguous sexuality? Dear me. Have them all liquidated, Rex. Yes, invoice me for the bullets, and buy June some real clothes while you’re at it.

  70. seismic-2
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    SM: When the warhead on that missile finally does finish its countdown to zero, it will now be in the bay instead of wherever Daredevil was trying to divert it, so now it will generate a tsunami that will wipe out both San Francisco and Oakland. Well done, Peter, well done! You’ve been in town for only 10 minutes, and you’ve already left your mark on ‘Frisco!

    A3g: Refresh my memory here – now that Gabriella was undergone the Cayla.com treatments for turning oneself into an Anglo-Saxon, has she become the second Mrs. Martin Magee? Will we ever hear again of Martin’s first wife (AKA pistol-packin’ Bobbie Magee), whom Ari had committed to the rich-folks loony bin after his quack clinical psychology turned her into a homicidal junkie?

    Ideally, Roberta Magee and Aunt Cathy could become this strip’s Thelma and Louise, shooting people and bombing buildings right and left until they finally succeed in extracting their vengeance on Margo. Of course, that would be, um, exciting, so maybe it’s time for another story arc in which Tommie once again decides not to write songs on the piano that we never saw and that probably burned up in the fire anyway.

  71. Confused Missile
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    I was going to kill that red human, but then I liked that red-and-blue human. Then they both ran away from me! Sob! I’ll never find love. I’m going to end it all by throwing myself into these buildings. No, wait, I’m going into the water.

    Wait, there’s a girl on the beach. She’s saying that SHE will never find love, either! Hey, beach girl! I feel your pain!

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#5): To be fair, the SlyPigs just evolved opposable thumbs and are still breaking them in.

  73. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Short ribs:

    Dinette Set — Finally, a mother-in-law joke I can get behind… BOOYAH!

    Scary Gary — Why doesn’t Gary just ask the bearded guy from “Duck Dynasty” to change seats?

  74. DRickard
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    FW: Given how the Funkyverse works, the “championship ebola virus” is probably a literal description of the situation; I expect weeks of watching the basketball players slowly liquify and die.

  75. CanuckDownSouth
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Thorpnotized (#43): THERE ARE FIVE APARTMENTS!

    ;^)

  76. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Ballard Street — Sing along with Rocky:

    I’m a little teapot
    Short and stout
    Here is my handle
    Here is my spout…

    There’s been a spate of characters with the name “Rocky” of late. There must be something in the air!

  77. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Confused Missile (#72): There is a purple-clad man in a cage somewhere in deepest Africa who could use your help right now. May I point out: red and blue make purple.

  78. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    SM: If the writers of Spider-Man want to combine a bit of high drama with high hilarity they could have the missile hit the beach but not explode. One can hear the tick-tick-tick-tick countdown to destruction as Dare Devil and Spider-Man try to disarm the bomb as only Laurel and Hardy could do. Crowds of parents and children gather around the scene thinking some sort of show is going on as DD & SM try to get them to scatter.

    “It’s a bomb! It’s gonna explode! Run for your lives!

    “Ha Ha. Look at the clowns in weird costumes. What will they do next?”

  79. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#32): “when you poked her in the ass with a stick” – is that what the kids are calling it these days?
    //find a corgi-related picture for that, why don’t you :-)

  80. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#64): Clam down, clam down, we believe you *wink* Really, no, really, we do.

  81. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

  82. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    whatsit is a pygmy possum.

    details here.

  83. Anonymous
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Forget six differences, find the six homoerotic elements in today’s Spider-Man!

    [Hint: Start with Spidey's pose in the first panel. WTF?]

  84. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Archie: It’s so much fun trying to date Archies, isn’t it? Let’s see, cellphones became pretty much ubiquitous in the early ’90′s, right? The networks were large enough, and the prices had dropped to where any non-really-poor person who wanted one could have one. Of course, a teenager of today could not remember when cell phones weren’t everywhere.

    Pluggers: Taylors, SC, is in Greenville County, Greenville, the county seat, is described by Wikipedia as having “a humid subtropical climate (Koppen Cfa), with generally mild, short winters, hot, humid summers, warm springs, and crisp autumns. Monthly averages range from 40.8 °F (4.9 °C) in January to 78.8 °F (26.0 °C) in July, with lows around freezing in the former month.”

    Frozen laundry doesn’t happen that much there, I suspect. Pretty much only in January, and only if you leave your clothes hanging outside over night. I live in a similar climatic area in N. Alabama.

    xkcd: ISO 8601 – Good to know, even if Munroe did get the Roman numerals wrong. And I think he was just messing with us in the mouse-over. The next time I get in a position where I can exercise petty tyrannical bureaucratic authority, I shall promulgate memoranda insisting on the use of ISO 8601 format. // I’ve always tried to use petty tyrannical bureaucratic authority only for good!

  85. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#84): Is that you again, Pasdordan? Don’t be afraid. We’re non-judgmental here.

  86. jc
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Now we no the REAL reason Rex went to San Diego. Junior is his secret lover.

  87. Anonymous
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#84): Panel one pose is called “benefits of being limber”

  88. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @jc (#87): Wait – Rex and Junior ARE Daredevil and ASM??????

  89. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#85):

    I’ve always tried to use petty tyrannical bureaucratic authority only for good!

    Good for you! Now, eat your oatmeal.

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Short ribs:

    9 Chickweed Lane — There’s a hot cow in the old town tonight.

    Pickles — There’s an ass kicking for anyone who thinks spousal abuse is funny.

  91. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#77):

    There’s been a spate of characters with the name “Rocky” of late.

    Yo!

  92. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#86): No, not me – my cookies persist, on more than one level.

  93. Indichik
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Does…does anyone do this? Does anyone actually hang out their laundry in the freezing dead of winter? No joke. I am genuinely curious.

  94. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#93): Including the ‘magic Jesus cookie’, as my sacramental theology teacher called it?

  95. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Indichik (#94): They do if they’re cheap. The clothes freeze first, then dry.

  96. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Confused Missile (#72): Dawn Weston moping on the beach?

  97. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Anyone notice the Edge City/Bizzaro crossover today?

  98. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Indichik (#94): It doesn’t seem logical. I have memories as a small child in Connecticut seeing laundry hanging in the basement during the winter. When I was seven we moved to South Florida where there is no dead of winter.

  99. Uncle Lumpy
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#98):

    Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin obsessively, neurotically reads porn as her husband slumbers nearby. Geez, lady — even Martin Magee could figure this one out.

  100. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#99): same here from Norther Lower. Hung the clothes in the basement during the 9 months of Michigan winter.

  101. Little Guy
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Fastrack: Cutest Gothscreen.

  102. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Indichik (#94): Pluggers: Does…does anyone do this? Does anyone actually hang out their laundry in the freezing dead of winter? No joke. I am genuinely curious.

    Well, sure. The laundry still gets dry, why not? Pretty quickly too, if it’s sunny and the humidity is low. And if you don’t have a machine dryer, what else are you going to do?

    Of course, if it is really cold, the clothes will freeze before the water evaporates, but the ice evaporates fast, especially in the sun, as I mentioned. It does leave your dry clothes in that rigid state depicted in the cartoon, even when the water/ice is gone. It IS funny, stacking your shirts and trousers like cordwood in your laundry basket. But you take them inside, give them a good shake, and they are fine.

    // I guess you’ve never lived in a cold climate.

  103. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): That doesn’t make sense to me. Wouldn’t the clothes get all musty, hanging in a damp, warm basement? Unless it’s actually snowing or raining, why not put them outside?

  104. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

  105. Majicou
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: No amount of old-fashioned, change-resistant, ass-backward thinking should cause you to forget that seasons change, but pluggers like to go above and beyond.

  106. Majicou
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#105): Okay, nobody tell him about Jason Todd. Especially not the part about the reader vote.

  107. billman
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#49):

    Try finding 9CL on Darkgate. It’s in C. Not N or 9, C. But 6chix is, i believe in S. So Yeah.

  108. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#95): Must we get into transubstantiation-vs.-consubstantiation? Scudder will be unbearable.

  109. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Mickey Mouse — Would the situation have been less funny if MINNIE had been the one who lost all her clothes? Probably.

    http://www.creators.com/comics/mickey-mouse.html

    However, I would have paid a little more attention to today’s “strip.”

    (Not that I’m into antropomorphic mice or anything…)

  110. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104): Because it’s freaking freezing, and when the clothes thaw, they get wet all over again. Besides, who wants to hang laundry outside when it’s 30? and windy?

    If your basement is well-insulated, it’s fine. If it’s an old farmhouse like we used to live in, not so much.

  111. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Uh, that was supposed to be a degree mark up above…

  112. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103): @Majicou (#106): Actually, I like to hang my laundry out in the winter – I have a dryer, but I’m cheap, and why pay for the electricity and gas, if I don’t have to? Maybe I’m one of those back-assward Pluggers, but I prefer to think of it as environmental conscious frugality.

    // I’d do it in the summer too, but Mrs. Scudder has allergies, and the clothes pick up pollen and stuff if you hang them outside when it’s warm.

  113. Hibbleton
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    re Pluggers and clotheslines. Pluggers are probably getting their gas in the form of delivered propane. That’s not something you want to waste in a dryer when you can just hang the stuff outside. We’re the last family in our suburban neighborhood that still hangs clothes outside to dry. In the winter, we hang a lot of stuff in the basement. The boiler dries the air enough for non-musty drying.

  114. Fred Wertham Jr
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#44): It looks like they somehow made it from the Financial District to the Pacific out by the Cliff House. No wharves and stuff out there.

  115. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#100): Per your standard for Obsessive Neurotic Abbey I would like to propose a similar Len rule, i.e. your comment should read:
    “Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin obsessively, neurotically reads porn as her insufferable prick husband ….etc.”

  116. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#111): …when the clothes thaw, they get wet all over again. Besides, who wants to hang laundry outside when it’s 30? and windy?

    They get dry, icy or not, and pdq if it’s sunny. I’d call you a wimp in re part two, but I used to live in Wisconsin, so I’ll give you a pass on that.

  117. DiscomBob
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    You simply must gaze in awe at the amazing dog fart in the middle-panel of todays Overboard.

  118. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#112): that was supposed to be a degree mark up above…

    Try the HTML code &#deg;. That should give you “°”.

  119. Amos Snarkadder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Funky: Perfect! With the high attack rate and case fatality rate, you’ll all be dead in a few days. So, who needs cancer!

  120. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Hanging clothes outside is a non-issue here. Most home owners associations will not allow it.

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#109): @Lumaca Morente (#95): Must we get into transubstantiation-vs.-consubstantiation? Scudder will be unbearable.

    Oh, surely not “unbearable”?

    // On the other h., insufferable, well, it’s a fair cop, guv’nor.

  122. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103): Ha ha, Scudder admits to being both cheap and a plugger.
    //don’t hurt me, please, Mr. Scudder.

  123. Amos Snarkadder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: So, back off, Toby. Mr. Harpman is my next “project.”

  124. Uncle Lumpy
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#116):

    It has been moved that the Abby Rule be amended to add “insufferable prick” to all instances of the proper noun “Len.” Second? Moved and seconded. Move the question? By acclamation. Vote on the amendment? By acclamation: so amended.

    “Obsessive neurotic Abby Ardin obsessively, neurotically reads porn as her insufferable prick of a husband, Len, slumbers nearby.”

    [I actually don't mind Len so much - it seems like he's just trying to get by the best he can, trying to keep his nutso wife somewhere at least near the rails, and avoiding his ordinary but absurdly entitled children as much as possible. But the people have spoken!]

  125. Government Cheese
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is Mary crying in the first panel? (Buh huh huh huh) Mr. Harpman helped me with my packages (buh huh snort huh). And how is chicken soup terrific? It’s just Mary’s soylent green mixed in chicken flavored salmon squares.

    Luann: Today’s strip would be a whole lot better if they the dialogue were to be removed from the word balloons, and readers were allowed to submit their own text, which would show an awkward Mr. DeGroot propositioning his wife for sex.

  126. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#121): I would NEVER live in a neighborhood with one of those enforceable HMA codes. Talk about your petty tyrannical bureaucratic authority!

    // To be fair, I would probably never be ALLOWED to live in one of those neighborhoods.

  127. sully
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Okay, the slowest dork-missile in history is fluttering away, and the 2 super-dopes are standing there congratulating each other for their non-heroics. Note to Kingpin: Next time, just hire a sniper, and SHOOT the sumbitches!

  128. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#123): …don’t hurt me, please, Mr. Scudder.

    Never, Dying Snail! I’d sooner smash a stained glass window.

    // It’s Reverend Scudder, though. I got my ordination on the Internet fair and square!

  129. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#125): True, to a point. But what drove me over the edge was the arc where he was out in the storm by his own insufferable prickish hand. By all laws of justice and Darwinism he should have frozen to death.

  130. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#109): Better trans- and consubstantiation than those slide rules again. It’s like Mr. Dick and King Charles’ head.

  131. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#131): At least he got off the Barney Google thing. Gee-hay-soos.

  132. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#129): Does that make you a fake Rev. Mr. or a fake Rev. Dr.?

  133. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): Personally, I don’t live in one either although I did at one time. Now I live in a semi-rural neighborhood with no homeowners association (and no dues) and everyone behaves quite nicely, thank you. Even though we could I have seen no clothes lines in our neighborhood.

  134. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#129): Internet ordained! Did you have the laying on of spams?

  135. Hibbleton
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Marm: It’s called bait, lady.

  136. odinthor
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#109):

    Homoiousios and homoousios are more our speed at CC. (And, no, Homoiousios and Homoousios are not the names Spidey and Daredevil go by when visiting SF. When going to a pro football game, yes. But not when visiting SF.)

  137. Amos Snarkadder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    A3Temphousing: Martin’s an animal! I tell you, the man is an animal!

  138. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Let’s play Scrabble.”

    Garfield Minus Garfield/MW-”I sense that this soup was made by a meddling old woman who will want to badger me about my lifestyle choices.”

    MW-I’ve always said that secretly Mary is an evil manipulative woman who won’t rest until everyone thinks the way she does and doesn’t like things different from her way of thinking and today’s comic proves that.

    Ziggy-”However my money is on the lobster.”

    Spiderman-”The missile is falling and hitting that those houses down there.”

    Hi and Lois-I know something you can suck in several years that is low in calories and high in protein.(I couldn’t resist)

    Love Is-Sand in some uncomfortable places.

    JP-”I miss the time we spent together. Exploring each others bodies. Learning all about how femininity together.”

    MT-”I don’t know, Rataoskr. That is what I want to find out.”

    MT 2-You do that, Rusty. Maybe you’ll get some interesting pictures of the hotel maids.

  139. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): Yes, yes. I got greedy and thought I could get away with a special character. Curse you, primitive comments section!

  140. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#121): Wouldn’t a home owners association be poison to your average Plugger? At least I couldn’t see one buying a house in the type of subdivision where a HOA holds sway.

  141. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#137): Oh God, not that crap. It makes me all cross-eyed and stabby.

  142. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#137): When in Greece, go with homoouzo.

  143. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#133): Not fake Rev. Dr.. Just fake Rev. Mr..

    // My ordination was a birthday present from my wife, who obtained a Doctorate of Theology from the same source, at the same time, just so she could pull rank on me if necessary.

  144. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#144): Thank you, I like to observe the niceties of address. So that would be Rev. Mr. and Rev. Dr. Mrs. Scudder, or…

  145. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#141): You are correct. Most home owner associations will not allow you to have a house with wheels under it.

  146. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#145): Hmmm. Rev. Mr. and Rev. Dr. Scudder (Mrs.), I think. It would be easier if you’d just divorce.

  147. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Now let’s sit back and watch as that missile destroys those houses down there and kills a lot of people. I’m hoping that the woman who told me off when I arrived earlier is down there.”

  148. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#135): @Nehemiah Scudder (#129): Internet ordained! Did you have the laying on of spams?

    Sadly, no. But I later found out that Bishop Hensley, who signed my certificate of ordination (a pdf which I printed, and is now hanging, nicely framed, on my library wall), had, in fact, died three years before the date of his signature!!

    Ordained from beyond the grave! One quivers.

  149. Uncle Lumpy
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#140):

    Curse you, primitive comments section!

    Comment 7459631 buffer overflow attempt: removing 11.4 IP Karma points.
    Comment 7460291 trap code injection attempt: removing 10.6 IP Karma points.
    Comment 7461923 wising off: removing 26.3 IP Karma points.

    Reset that modem while there’s still time!

  150. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Hate to break it to you, Melissa, but men can also be exotic dancers too. Of course you strike me as the type who prefers the female type of exotic dancer.

  151. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @DiscomBob (#118): it’s not the ones that you hear that are the problem.

    it’s the SBD ones.

  152. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#147): As it is our 23rd wedding anniversary today, perhaps I won’t mention your suggestion to her just now.

  153. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#149): It sounds like you have been zombiefied.

  154. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

  155. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#152): In Junior High School it was said that if you knocked wood after having someone do an SBD on you that the SBD would be nullified. I had a friend that carried a small piece of wood with him for that purpose. He called it his “choice knocking wood.” I will not comment on that title.

  156. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#149): Bishop Sherman Hensley?

  157. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): Many happy returns to both you and Rev. Dr. May I point out that comment 154 could also be a response to your 153.

  158. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): HAPPY 23rd ANNIVERSARY Rev. Have some cake!

  159. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153):

    Congratulations.

  160. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”If the money is going to this woman then I must eliminate her.”

  161. Indichik
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103): Actually, I live in Minnesota. My grandparents hung their clothes out a lot in the summer, but they used a dryer in the winter. I guess my family just aren’t Pluggers. (Yes!)

  162. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FW-But at least they can get over Championship Fever. Championship Ebola Virus will slowly dissolve their organs causing them to die in painful agony.

  163. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#160): Just think, Liam, the Scudders have been married almost as long as you’ve been alive.

  164. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Regarding Spiderman, I miss Clown-9.

    Wouldn’t it be funny if the guy in 3-B is the star of the parody soap opera, “Mister Harpman, Mister Harpman.”

    “Yes, Dolly, please come in. Nothing makes downing half a bottle of Campho-Phenique easier than looking at your single-nostrilled pugface.”

  165. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    FC-Dolly, that is not a suppository. That medicine is to be taken orally.

  166. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#165): Hey! ‘Single-nostriled pugface’ would make a great name for an emo band!

  167. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#166): With the Keane kids, it would be hard to tell the difference.

  168. Inkwell
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Civilians? On the beach? But wouldn’t they be home all watching TV? Yeah, there’s no one on the beach.

    Crankshaft: Someone is forcing our soulless lord of misery to attend a wedding, in the hopes that it will kill him. Good luck.

  169. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): Congratulations and beware of nondescript men bearing ugly ugly pink cakes.

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#167): Heh heh heh.

  170. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I’m picturing an intense high stakes game of Monopoly that can go all night.

  171. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#166): Dolly must have been listening to Not Me and Ida No’s new friend, Up Your Ass.

  172. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Any classical music fans out there? One of our local boys, Van Cliburn, has passed. Here’s the article.

    At the bottom of the article is an embedded version of Van playing the First Movement of Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No.1. Merely click and listen. In fact, I’m listening right now.

  173. seismic-2
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: Tom Harpman’s big secret is that, as his name hints, he is in fact an angel. In the very best Hollywood tradition, he has been sent down here from heaven on a mission to exert a divine influence in someone’s life. Little does he know, however, that his powers to meddle are insignificant in comparison with those that he is about to experience. You’re outclassed, Harpman. Give up and go back where you came from, before it’s too late. As soon as the meddler becomes the meddled, it’s the endgame. Just remember, Tom – every time a bell goes “clunk”, an angel loses his wings.

  174. terrapin
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    MT: Today in Mark Trail I learned that bass fishing tournament officials try to prevent cheating. Well I never…

    A3G: “Something better”? “Just the two of them”? I’m avoiding this strip for three weeks just to be safe. Better make it four.

    RMMD: “Is is to late to make me this woman’s beneficiary?”

  175. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#155): Why thank you! A virtual t-shirt! (Mrs. Dr. Scudder is very pleased!)

  176. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

  177. bbofun
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    ASM- They didn’t break the missile. It just got bored with this whole thing. Smart missile.

    FW- Perfect example of something that has the structure of a joke, yet is not one. If I taught a class in comedy, this would be a great starting point.

    9CL- How does Older Amos (the only way I will ever refer to him) know the cow’s name? Isn’t that a name only the vet calls her? And the only reason we know it is because she told Juliette while admitting to the crime? Of course, this arc had Thorax coming by to tell Juliette and the vet that cattle had been rustled, and then, this week, have it be stated clearly that the brothers don’t even realize the cattle are gone. So, I guess continuity (even within a single story) isn’t one of those things true artistes like Brooke feel is necessary.

    What I’m saying is, McEldowney’s a hack.

    MW- Has Mary ever been so openly evil as in panel two? “Oh, yes, I’ll discover his secrets- then use them against him! He shall be mine, MINE, I tell you! To shape and to mold, to make into whatever I desire! WHO’S THE GOD NOW?!?!?”

    RMMD- I’m just going to assume that Melissa’s sentence was going to be “I always assumed he was a fancy man.’ That seems like her. And she was going to continue with “You know, like you, Rex. That’s why I go to you. I know you won’t be leering at my body when you examine me. I like fancy men. Oh, and how’s your beard? I trust she’s doing well.”

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#158): Why, thanks!
    @Sequitur (#159): Mmm. Cake! // It’s so… pink!

    And Mrs. Scudder asks me to convey our thanks to everyone! Have a slice of PINK cake, please! Take one of the commemorative circular slide rules! Barney Google is tending bar in the next room. Just walk in and tell him you have a great idea for a cartoon! (Try the mojitos!)

  179. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179): Besides the cake, you deserve a pendant

  180. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#150): Wait, we get karma points here? Crap! I mean, yes sir, I’ll be good, sir…

  181. bbofun
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    In re: the discussion of hanging your clothes out to dry in the winter- but, then you don’t get that wonderful moment of putting on fresh-from-the-dryer warm clothes when it’s chilly out. That’s one of the great pleasure of life. Particularly the underwear.

    Or have I said too much?

  182. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#176): It can’t be Mrs. Dr. That would make you the Dr. My brother is a doctor and his wife is Mrs. Dr.

  183. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#173): I usually say this in jest, but Van Cliburn was still alive? I had no idea.

  184. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): Derwood Kirby?

  185. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

  186. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#178): That’s what a ‘fancy man’ is? I thought something else entirely.

  187. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#184): Well, he isn’t now.

  188. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#186): As long as it isn’t “Doctor mrs. your appendix” or anything like that.

  189. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    You know, if you just read comments 185 to 188 without context, it’s like TS Eliot. Or the dayroom at the psych unit. (Camus?)

  190. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Mary: “yeah, he has a protective shell, but in my experience you just need to roll him on his back, then you can gut him at your leisure.”

  191. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#190): More like James Joyce, I think. Or Camus.

  192. Uncle Lumpy
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Insufferable Prick Len Ardin: “Abby, have you been up all night with that book?”
    Obsessive Neurotic Abby Ardin: “Len, read this page – the one I highlighted.”
    I.P. Len: “Um, OK — seems a little over-written.”
    O.N. Abby: “I want to be treated that way.”
    I.P. Len: “I mean, don’t you have clients today? How are you going to stay awake?”
    O.N. Abby: “I want you to treat me that way.”
    I.P. Len: “Remember how tired you were after your workouts? Today isn’t going to be any better.”
    O.N. Abby: “Len, pay attention. I want you to treat me the way the man treats the woman in this book.”
    I.P. Len: “Oh, c’mon Abby, I couldn’t ask you to do anything like that.”
    O.N. Abby: “I don’t want you to ask, Len. Why is this so difficult for you to understand?”
    I.P. Len: “Well, maybe you have the time to lounge around with your book all day, but I gotta get to work.”

  193. James "Single-Nostriled Pugface" Joyce
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Hi, I’m starting a kickstarter campaign to fund my novel based on random posts from this site.

  194. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#191): Sounds like the advice I got from Mom on my wedding night.

  195. Uncle Lumpy
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#195):

    Sound advice, but spending your wedding night with your Mom sends the same message.

  196. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

  197. seismic-2
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#173): I’m dating myself, but maybe the first stereo LP I ever bought was Van Cliburn’s “My Favorite Chopin”, which RCA released soon after he won the first-ever Tchaikovsky competition. I still enjoy his version of Scherzo #3 on that release. I heard him play only one time in person, but I’m glad I went.

  198. lynn
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#197): Charles Siebert appeared in The Bald Soprano in 1960.

  199. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#198): “I’m dating myself” – You shouldn’t admit this. It’s as bad as taking Mom along on the wedding night.

  200. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MW:
    Mr. Harpman: Mmmm.. this is good soup! What’s your secret?
    Mary: Just a dash of sodium pentathol. Now speaking of secrets…

  201. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#197):

    I thought Uncle Junior was the bald Soprano?

  202. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#202): He was the old Soprano.

  203. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#203):

    The two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, there is likely a high degree of correlation between them.

  204. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#156): @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#152): In Junior High School it was said that if you knocked wood after having someone do an SBD on you that the SBD would be nullified.

    SBD? I wasn’t quite sure what you were talking about until I looked it up:

    http://www.largescaleplanes.com/reviews/Kits/WW2/Trumpeter/sbd1-2/images/box.jpg

    Did you like putting together model planes in junior high school? Or did you just like sniffing glue? (The latter would explain a lot about you, Sequitur…)

  205. pugfuggly
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#165): @Freakin Hemingwad (#167):

    Nothing makes downing half a bottle of Campho-Phenique easier than looking at your single-nostrilled pugface.

    Whoa, whoa now…..let’s not say anything we might regret la-

    @James “Single-Nostriled Pugface” Joyce (#194):

    Hi, I’m starting a kickstarter campaign to fund my novel based on random posts from this site.

    ….oh that’s IT. I got your random post right here, buddy…

  206. Peanut Gallery
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    SFx – John Dill, take notes! Pink is the color for pigs; chocolate is the color for cakes.

  207. Mr Frog
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    H+J: I’m much more concerned by the plate’s fall trajectory in panel one, which clearly shows that Wife-Person Whose Name I Can’t Remember did not drop it, but rather chucked it into the air in a fit of rage. She’s obviously hit the end of her rope. “All [smash!] I want [smash!] is five [smash!] goddamn [smash!] minutes [smash!] of peace from you misshapen little cretins! Is that too [smash!] goddamn [smash!] much [smash!] to ask!?”

  208. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#205): Looks like Sequitor picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

  209. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#204): And causation. Baldness causes old age.

  210. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#204): You don’t have to remind me. How hurtful!

  211. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#210):

    Very true. Going bald is a primary signifier that one is getting older. Young women are likely to treat it as such. If you are only as old as you feel, and if you feel that you have become invisible to young women, then baldness does indeed cause old age.

  212. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#80): OK.

    corgi haz a cluebat for the Ghost-who-iz-clueless.

  213. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

  214. TheDiva
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#178): I’m pretty sure Brooke has trotted out the “consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds” quote when called out on inconsistencies in his work. I’ve never heard of a writer claiming his inability to tell a cohesive story was a sign of his genius, but there you go–it’s just one of those things that he considers himself above. Much like relatable characters, dialogue that sounds like something a person might say, and understanding the context of famous quotes, I imagine.

  215. Ratiocinator
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#54): To be fair, the webbing was on its nose, and in both panels today we don’t see the nose.

    @TheDiva (#61): Edda is resisting the will of her creator as long as she possibly can; she knows that as long as she stays far away from this storyline and appears only on Sundays, she’ll walk away as the least insufferable female Burber.

    @Mighty Max King (#67):

    Spiderman and Daredevil: Boomchickawawa!

    I’m just gonna check to see if there’s slashfic featuring those two…

    Yes. Yes there is. But I found something even better (don’t worry, it’s SFW if nobody at your workplace is homophobic)…

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0qu7ebYSv1qgok7xo1_400.png

    @Confused Missile (#72): I’m happy for you, missile. Just be sure that this is what you really want; I see that you’re still confused and I don’t want to see you hurt again.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#91):

    There’s a hot cow in the old town tonight.

    Very nicely done.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153):

    Happy anniversary!

    @bbofun (#178):

    What I’m saying is, McEldowney’s a hack.

    In other news, water is…

    …a substance consisting of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. It comprises a great deal of the human body’s mass, and should be regularly consumed for continued survival.

    (Also, it’s wet.)

  216. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#216): Edda is resisting the will of her creator as long as she possibly can; she knows that as long as she stays far away from this storyline and appears only on Sundays, she’ll walk away as the least insufferable female Burber.

    Does being the least insufferable one mean she is the most sufferable? Because I’ve suffered her behavior in the strip for a long time.

  217. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#205): mmmm, warbirds. (drat. A&E took the clip that I wanted to link down from youtube.)

    also, this.

  218. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#218):

    text info here, instead of Youtube clips of Dogfights.

  219. Ratiocinator
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#217): Having only begun following this strip in the past few months I’m a lot less familiar with the character. What would you say is the worst thing you’ve ever seen her say or do?

  220. commodorejohn
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#220): Well, she once said that if she were Ilsa in Casablanca, she’d murder her husband in cold blood to be with Rick because he’s Humphrey Bogart.

    Of course, this being 9CL, there were a lot more words, but that was the gist of it.

  221. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley — Marrying Rufus and Becky isn’t without precedent for the reverend. Years ago, he officiated at the wedding of Junior Samples and this single white female:

    http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6020/5887266851_2dd8c6bf56_z.jpg

  222. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#218): Oh, THAT kind of SBD. No wonder Sequitur prefers sniffing glue.

  223. TheDiva
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#221): ….Seriously? I mean, that’s not just missing the point, that’s missing the point and taking out a hospital full of blind orphans in collateral damage. What a beefwit.

  224. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#207):

    chocolate is the color for cakes.

    Now that’s what I call the beauty of nature.

  225. Thad
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#54): The contradictions are worse than that…last Thursday separating so the missile would chase only one of them was DD’s idea, and SM disagreed. Yesterday, Spidey has the same idea and it worked.

  226. Alice
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#126): Good idea, but what about Luann’s dialogue balloon?

    If you think Luann’s dialogue should be replaced with, “C’mon, mom, throw dad a bone once in a while. Wait, wouldn’t he be the one throwing…?”, text 1.

    If you think Luann’s dialogue should be replaced with, “It’s ok, dad. You can stop pretending. I know mom’s your beard and that my real dad is Mr. Fogarty,” text 2.

    If you think Luann’s dialogue should be replaced with, “Only say yes, mom, if Puddles and I can join in,” text 3. Interpol will be alerted and your local police will be at your door shortly.

  227. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#220):

    I think the ‘fly off to Europe after the first day her period is late, discuss ‘coping with the idea of possibly being pregnant’ with everyone except the potential father while avoiding the simple, drama-ending solution of taking a pregnancy test, then flee from him to escape having to hear his marriage proposal, all the while sexually fantasizing about her gay roommate’ arc was a pretty low point. Pure clueless, drama-queen narcissism portrayed as a positive trait – after all it is Edda, and she is a Creature of Pure Art, thus this behavior is completely sufferable!

  228. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#221): @TheDiva (#224): Aw jeez, I had managed to forget that idiocy, but now it all comes rushing back.

    Rick to Edda: Here’s getting away from you, kid.

  229. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann – It is almost as if there are two different plots dealing with two different issues. First, we have Tiffany giving the practical, up-to-date advice of not sending any pictures or other images of herself to her boyfriend that would embarass her if someone else were to see them. Then, we have her parents, who have read the phone bill and been lead by it to be ‘concerned’ that she is spending too much time on ‘the internet’, where, based on today’s dialogue, their main concern is that she doesn’t have the right anti-virus software installed.

    I think Evans is mixing a new Tiffany storyline with a recylced “kids today and their AOL!” storyline from 1998.

  230. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#210): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#204): And causation. Baldness causes old age.

    True. If it doesn’t kill you first. Almost every bald man who doesn’t die gets old.

  231. commodorejohn
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#224): Ah, here it is. With bonus Mae West ripoff that I’d mercifully forgotten until now.

    And yeah, could he have missed the point any fucking harder? For all the man loves to name-check classic film and art, he has the level of actual understanding of a preening adolescent trying to fit into a nonexistent clique. Beefwit.

  232. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann-Have you thought about introducing Luann to the wonderful world of kite flying? Just one day flying a kite and she’ll never get on a computer again.

    Slylock Fox-That’s not a cake. Cakes are giant multi-tier solid pink cylinders.

  233. jim, some guy in iowa
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    i think luann’s parents are going to have the “birds and the bytes” conversation with her….

  234. I speak Jive
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#49): Nick Yemana lives!

    Dustin – Because women are so shallow that they think their appearance is more important than accomplishing something by serving their country. Usually I think “meh” if I bother to read this strip at all. But as a woman, I found today’s strip to be offensive. I imagine that any woman who served in the military would find it even more so.

  235. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#165): “Yes, Dolly, please come in. Nothing makes downing half a bottle of Campho-Phenique easier than looking at your single-nostrilled pugface.”

    I read somewhere approximately 85% of people only breathe out of one nostril at a time. If true, it isn’t that unusual for a person to breathe out of one nostril 100% of the time. (Wonder if having only a single nostril helps protect Dolly from Sequitur’s SBDs?)

  236. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#205): Concerning SBDs, there’s sniffing involved but not with glue. The SBD is Silent But Deadly and refers to farts. The kind that waffs through the air without a trumpet of announcement and could be blamed on anyone in the area.

  237. Manifesta
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: Isn’t it weird that June and Rex have been on this weekend vacation for months now, and we’ve never once seen Junior, their host? Maybe Woody Wilson and Graham Nolan just have no idea how to depict an openly gay man.

  238. Government Cheese
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#227): I’ll text 2, and we can add Rex’s shocked face from a few days ago. I also posit that the DeGroots have mastered the art of intercourse while fully clothed. How do they do it? It’s one of history’s mysteries.

  239. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#206): Whoopsie.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#236): For some reason I doubt Dolly and the rest of the Keene Kids are in the other 15% of people. That reason is they have only one nostril.

    @Sequitur (#237): I blame them on Marvin.

  240. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

  241. odinthor
    February 27th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#236):

    In Russia, nostril breathe out of you!

    Yes, I fully realize that that makes no sense; but one says such things after downing half a bottle of Campho-Phenique. The fact that I didn’t say it and haven’t downed half a bottle of Campho-Phenique only adds to the complexity.

  242. The good ship thetis
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    I was recently talking to a woman who had lived in Spain when her husband was stationed there in the 70s (they did not live on the base, I think) and part of the conversation was about how long it took to do the laundry. They didn’t have a dryer and she had to hang up the clothes indoors because “in Spain, they don’t hang laundry outside.”
    I kind of wondered how she knew that. Did someone knock on her door and say “Welcome to Spain. Don’t even think of hanging your laundry outside?”
    I mean, yes, those were the Franco years, but it sounds a bit extreme…

  243. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#237): With Daredevil’s heightened sense of smell, a SBD would pack the potency of poison gas. (Hope the Kingpin isn’t reading this. Because a man of his girth is probably lethal after a couple of chili cheese dogs!)

  244. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

  245. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Our talk of SBDs reminds me of the Hulk’s longtime love of baked beans:

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_543wI3Z8gDM/S3UMMKphUHI/AAAAAAAAAYQ/M3lHzxMzKVc/s400/Hulk4+-+Eating+Beans.jpg

    The “end” result of eating all those baked beans is probably akin to rockets exploding out of the Hulk’s butt. No wonder his pants are always torn!

  246. SF_Reader
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    MW – No good deed goes unpunished. Help someone with their packages, become a subject of their amusement. Mary Worth – Yenta Extraordinaire. When does she find the time to play mah jong?

  247. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is actively hurting me now. I read today’s strip and wished that I knew a busybody elderly lady so I could tell her to mind her own damn business.

  248. tallyHO
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Scientifically Accurate Spider-Man

    //haven’t watched it yet but it is Science!

    Peter Parker is a scientist, right?

  249. Shrug, Playing These
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#36):

    “JP: Jules is now scrubbing toilets for the Norwegian family who won him from Neddy in a high stakes poker game.”

    HIGH-stakes? As I recall, Jules was a one-white-chip in a penny-ante game sort of guy. (I like to think of him as not so much “Jules” as “Zircons.”)

  250. But What Do I Know?
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#215): I think the quote is ” A foolish consistency is that hobgoblin of little minds.” Not that the extra adjective helps a whole lot in resolving the dilemma you elucidate. . .

  251. But What Do I Know?
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    *The* hobgoblin. Emerson, priez pour nous.

  252. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

  253. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#249): Is that like anatomically correct Spiderman? (Pasdordan wanted to know)

  254. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#249):

    Peter Parker is a scientist, right?

    Peter Parker is a scientist like Marvin is a proctologist.

  255. TheDiva
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#232): And with a lovely side dish of “women are too busy indulging their lusts to appreciate things like nobility, integrity, and dramatic appropriateness,” too. This is the sort of analysis I expect from a fifteen-year-old girl writing self-insert fanfic with Heathcliff.

    (It’s worth noting that the Hays Code, which precluded any notion of Ilsa running out on her lawfully married husband, would have looked even less kindly on Edda’s particular solution. I’d like to see her fantasy play out to its conclusion, if only to see the look on her face when the plane crashes and sends her and Rick to their karmically ordained fates.)

  256. TheDiva
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#256): The Wuthering Heights character, not the cat. If there’s self-insert fic with the cat, I really don’t want to know about it.

  257. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#254): Scoundrel! I only wanted to know for science!!

  258. Alison
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: As usual Mary is only doing a favor for someone else because she wants an excuse to meddle. God forbid Mary make soup for her neighbor because he’s ill, and leave it at that. Nope, she is also on a mission to learn all his secrets. And, of course, she will learn them all, because Tom will be just like everyone else in this strip and immediately confess all his dreams and wishes to some old woman simply because she asked. Just once I’d like to see a strip where Mary tries and tries to get info from someone, and they refuse to offer anything more than a casual, “I’m fine, thanks for asking. Well, see you later, Mrs. Worth.”

    “Luann”: “And then Luann will say, ‘What the hell are you morons even talking about?’ And then we’ll say, ‘Uh, well, actually we wanted to make sure you aren’t acting all sexed up over the internet, but we were too cowardly to ask you that outright’, and then she’ll say, ‘Omigod, I have the lamest parents ever’ and then she’ll stomp upstairs to call her friends and complain about us.”

    “Rex Morgan, M.D.”: It’s only now that Rex has gotten around to tattling to Melissa about her beach house being full of strippers? He’s been at that place for months! I suspect he and June are leaving tomorrow, and thus have no more use for the free beach house OR for Melissa, so they don’t care if the news upsets her.

  259. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#257): I immediately thought of the cat. I spend too much time on this site.

  260. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#258): I hope you weren’t blinded by the science, because an anatomically correct SM in that first panel would put your eye out.

  261. commodorejohn
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#256): One gets the feeling that in Brooke’s world, women are finite-state machines, less people and more assemblages of functions which get performed under given circumstances. Humphrey Bogart is being discussed? LUST CIRCUITS ENGAGED. MUST MAKE TORMENTED, CIRCUMLOCUITOUS INNUENDOS.

  262. Shrug, Doing Some Timely Hanging Around
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#259):

    ““Rex Morgan, M.D.”: It’s only now that Rex has gotten around to tattling to Melissa about her beach house being full of strippers? He’s been at that place for months!”

    Months our time; something like 36 hours his time. Time moves at different rates in different comic dimensions; just look at the recent JUDGE PARKER saga. (Which reminds me that as long as Rex and June are leaving anyway, couldn’t we at least have seen a descented skunk tossed into their apartment to speed them on their way?)

    All the commenting I’ve got time for right now — I’ve got to go hang up laundry in my basement. Thanks for reminding me, everybody. (It’s actually slightly above freezing this afternoon, so I suppose I could try that “hanging it outside in the winter, even a Minnesota winter” sort of thing, but even though I admit to being a Plugger, I’m not THAT much of a Plugger.)

  263. Ratiocinator
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#228): @commodorejohn (#232): @TheDiva (#224): Well, holy shit.

    Edda’s pretty horrible. That’s all I can think to say.

  264. Sequitur
    February 27th, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#262): TORMENTED, CIRCUMLOCUITOUS INNUENDOS would be a good name for…

    A Funky Winkerbean reunion.

  265. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 27th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @The good ship thetis (#243): When my husband lived in Spain, he hung his laundry up on the roof. (In large part because the washer-”dryer” in their apartment was mostly only good at spinning water out of clothes, rather than actually drying them.)

  266. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#256): Your mention of the Hays Code (named for Will H. Hays) reminds me of Daniel A. Lord:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_A._Lord

    I think “Father Lord” is the most awesome name for a priest ever — and I’m not even Catholic.

  267. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 27th, 2013 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#267): I’d go with Cardinal Sin (really).

  268. Lumaca Morente
    February 27th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    The Archdiocese of Philadelphia had a Monsignor Senior. You can look it up.

  269. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    MW-”And he shall tell me because I’ve spiked the soup with enough truth telling serum that he shall reveal every dirty little of his to me.”

  270. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#261): I had the same feeling reading Nancy this morning. Juggs Parker syndrome seems to be spreading.

  271. Mr Frog
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    (Hey, kids! Time for everyone’s favourite activity, Armchair Psychoanalysis!)

    *leans back in armchair, lights cigar; coughs terribly, puts cigar out*

    I honestly can’t even find the rat posterior I need to give to hate 9CL/McEldowney anymore. From what I hear, any criticism directed at him or his work is dismissed as beneath him; instead of addressing criticism directly, he sidesteps it by insisting that he’s simply above the criteria mere beefwitted mortals use to evaluate his work. He claims superiority, but only according to his own highly-limited definition of value; yet, he gets angry and lashes out with insults and excuses when criticised, implying that he does in fact care about other’s value judgments. It seems to me that he can’t handle criticism and so, instead of dealing with it proactively (likely because he doesn’t think he can for whatever reason), has constructed a fantasy world in which he can’t fail and so can continue feeling superior no matter what anyone says, which just makes me feel sad for him. He could be capable of amazing things, but we’ll never know because he doesn’t even try to better himself. It kind of sucks the fun out of mocking him for me.

  272. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#267): I’ve always been fond of The Jack Lord.

  273. Chyron HR
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    DT – “So I think you can see, Mrs. Mayor, that we actually wrapped up this whole case in a logical manner with no loose ends.”

    “Very nice, Chief Patton. But what about Moon Maid?”

    “D’OH!”

  274. Anonymous
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Re: spider aura being a thing (also asked by “Horrorthon” web site).

    In General…

    As we open this episode, Peter is in class, just ending his day in school, and preparing to attend the science Exhibit. When he arrives at the hall, he runs into Andy, and the two of them head over to the Professor’s display. The Perfessor is demonstrating his Spider-Slayer, and touting it as the ultimate household pest controller. The Professor is looking for a volunteer, and Andy puts up Peter (not knowing that Peter’s Spider abilities will trigger the robot) as that volunteer.

    Peter gets up on the stage, and is given a jar with a spider in it, and the Professor activates the robot, which immediately goes for Peter’s much stronger spider aura. Thankfully, the Professor thinks that it is the robot that is malfunctioning, and shuts it down. Needless to say, the entire experience pretty much freaks Peter out. Back at school, Peter is so distracted, that he runs into Flash Thompson, spilling Flash’s soda all over Flash’s shirt, and, well, irritating Flash.

    Peter scurries off to class, thus avoiding getting pummeled by the jock, but, once in class, he spots the Slayer out the window, heading across the school’s football field towards the school. As the class ends, Peter makes a break for the door and quickly changes into his fighting togs, and goes after the Slayer. Meanwhile Smythe is in his command center, watching the stalking slayer as it moves towards the school. Apparently he is specifically targeting Spider-Man.

    http://www.spiderfan.org/comics/reviews/marvel_adventures_spiderman/026.html

  275. J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    “I can think of something better to do – just the two of us,” he hinted, as his eyes turned suddenly to pure obsidian orbs, pulsing with a malevolent darkness of despair and unknowable evil.

  276. The Ridger
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#178): While I hate to defend him, I thought the cow had been stolen before Edda’s mom was called, and that’s why Thorax knows. Apparently Twinkly (I can remember the cow’s name, and EM’s name I have forgotten though I just read it in a comment!) has been living in EM’s paddock instead of the vet’s. Which is a sign of some self-preservation, I guess.

  277. seismic-2
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Luann will blow past the DeGroots’ carefully planned “Oh, by the way…” lecture, and she will go straight upstairs to tell Quill all about what a horrible person Tiffany is. She will feel angry and hurt, and to lift her feelings she will lift her shirt for the Webcam, as Quill offers expressions of sympathy about Tiffany’s “bullying”. At least, I certainly hope that’s what will happen, because otherwise they may use their Skype time to work on writing a follow-up song to “Hey, Boy” and “I’m a Snot”.

  278. Maggie Mae
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#173): Don’t they say that celebrity deaths come in threes? First Everett Koop, then Van Cliburn – who will be next?

  279. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    MT-The fun part is that Mark won’t give Rusty any credit for the pictures and will take all the credit for himself.

    Snuffy Smith-Hottin Holler where the family tree is a bush.

    A3G-No one hears Margo. She’s like the wind.

  280. housemonkey
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    “I can think of something better to do – just the two of us. Remember, I lure the hooker into the car while you hide in back with the hammer. You know how horny and angry I get thinking about Margo healthy and all grown up.”

  281. Old Folkie
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#149): I got my certificate 45 yrs ago through the mail, with a real Hensley signature.

  282. Liam
    February 27th, 2013 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G-With the way this strip is moving we won’t be seeing dignified geriatric WASPish sex for the next several days. Thank god.

  283. Johngo Prime
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    SPIDER-MAN: 1) When Spidey and DD sign off on the missile, it’s still heading downtown, where for all they care it’ll safely detonate on Van Ness. Somehow it takes a 180 from one panel to the next; 2) I would love to see Kingpin launch three new missiles and then spend two panels enjoying a Scotch.

  284. mr12ozcan
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    mark trail – i have no interest in fishing or fishing tournaments but if i did why would i want to see the inside of a fishermans van ? unless he had a cooler of cold beer he was willing to share . this is your buddy troutmask replica peace !!!!

  285. Anonymous
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#84): SOLUTION:

    Panel 1:

    1. An uncommonly fit-looking Spider-Man poses in a manner that should probably not be printable in family newspapers.

    2. A horny Daredevil, covered in latex*, directs his eyes in a manner that calls his blindness into question. He grins.

    3. A phallic rocket surges between them.

    FADE (HOWEVER BRIEFLY) TO BLACK

    Panel 2:

    4. The rocket descends in wetness.

    5. Daredevil caresses Spider-Man, offering him patronizing praise.

    6. A sense of anticlimax is felt by all.

    *Even Daredevil practices safe sex, kids!

  286. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Mr Frog (#272): That sounds about right. I think for me the greatest frustration is that the man has potential: his art, when not serving selfish purposes, can be quite impressive, and when he’s not got that stick up his ass, he can write things that are both funny and creative. But. Alas. Sometime about ten years ago he decided that editors and comments and feedback were cramping his style, and since then his art has suffered for it. He’s clearly incapable of self-critique, let alone editing, and in the absence of outside sources, it all goes kablooey. If it just sucked, I’d ignore it. But it’s that element of tragic hubris that keeps me paying attention; I think some tiny part of me keeps hoping he’ll manage to right his ship and get back on track, though that seems increasingly unlikely.

    That, and there’s the train-wrecky quality of it all.

  287. Dale
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#266):

    The college dorm I lived in (1965-6) had extractors. If the washers had spin cycles, you couldn’t tell it.
    Extractors are powerful centrifuges. Items placed across the span of the thing could be ripped.

  288. Ratiocinator
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#275): That’s surprising that it’s really a thing, and it confused me before I clicked the link since I remembered that the Spider Slayer robot had a different origin in the main continuity; of course then I read that “Marvel Adventures” was a separate continuity, so that explains it.

    And while both original versions of the Spider Slayer (and the many, many other versions that the Smythes would build afterwards) were tracking Spidey down because of something related to his powers…surely they could’ve thought of something better to call it than “spider aura”?

  289. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#277): It still doesn’t explain why the cow’s owner, who the mother (Juliette Burber, fwiw) and the vet met on their walk after seeing Thorax, seems unaware of the theft.

    But then, Thorax is a perverse sort of deus ex machina, so expecting things to make sense when he’s involved is perhaps foolish.

  290. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#290): In Brooke’s case, it’s more deus ex anu. ( fourth declension ablative?)

    That’s what makes the plots so shitty. Hahaha.

  291. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#268): Really? I’d go with the Reverend Doctor Christopher Syn (a/k/a “The Scarecrow”).

  292. Dale
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @mr12ozcan (#285):

    MARK TRAIL

    Now that Mark has decided to interview other contestants, is he going to ask to see inside their vans? Of course not. They aren’t CHEATERS.

    Catfish: Boy, you still want to see inside my van?
    Are you going to PLANT INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE?
    Oops, sorry. Well, just to be sure, take off all your clothes in the parking lot here.

  293. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#273): I remember that bit from when it first aired. Not as impressive as “The Jack Lord” perhaps, but Lord Laird (or Baron Laird) of Northern Ireland is still a name to be reckoned with:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Laird,_Baron_Laird

  294. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

  295. The Ridger
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#290): But the cow’s owner is a beefwit, not the most luminescent glowworm in the dungheap, stupid, fetid, vile, and etc.

  296. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

  297. tallyHO
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#157):

    Or, the Archbishop George Jefferson?

  298. tallyHO
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#165):
    Regarding Spiderman, I miss Clown-9.

    He is missable.

    I actually look forward to the buddy cop adventures of Clueless and the Horned Devilman.

    The are probably going to team up and fight the Kingpin, right?

    They won’t avoid this conflict and go on a cruise together, will they?

  299. tallyHO
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#299):

    I’m really looking to the comic strip adventures of The Horned Devilman.

    Stereotypical, masked crook:
    “Jeepers! How did you get in here?”

    THD:
    “I’m the Horned Devilman. I shimmied in here. Nothing can stop my shimmy!”

    //it’s funnier if you read it using the voice of the “Seinfeld” character Kramer.

  300. Mr K Martin
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    WINKY FUCKERBEAN: Ah, what a great night for a high school girls game. Let’s laugh, have fun, and cherish the time spent with good friends and loved ones.

    On second thought, why don’t we mope and talk about teacher firings, strokes and ebola virus. Yes, that’s much better. Pass the hemlock.

  301. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#300): “I’m the Horned Devilman. I shimmied in here. Nothing can stop my shimmy!”

    But I bet the Horned Devilman can’t Shimmy Like My Sister Kate:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PjO2lYSKZk

  302. Droopy Says
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#291): Second declension ablative. “Anus, ani,” is “rectum” and is second declension. “Anus, anus,” is “old woman” and is fourth declension. It would be “deus ex ano” if McEch pulled it out of his ass, and “deus ex anu” if he pulled it out of an old woman. Both of which seem deplorably possible.

  303. Vince M
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#246): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#246): Which reminds me of a vintage SNL sketch with guest host Margot Kidder as Lois Lane having a get-together with her superhero friends. Just don’t use the bathroom after the Hulk (Belushi, of course) without lighting a match.

  304. Droopy Says
    February 27th, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#299): I hope Spiderdick and DareDevil keep bickering, but, yeah, they’re going to battle get in one another’s way as they oppose Kingpin. And although in some weird way Spiderdick has won, he can’t leave yet: Kingpin has not yet had a chance to be defeated by someone else while Spiderdick hangs around.

    Meanwhile, didn’t DareDevil say something about his touch being deadly? So why has he now laid hands on Spiderdick? Is DareDevil secretly cooperating with the Kingpin, who doesn’t seem to have tried hard to kill the superhero? Or was the poison-touch a notion that didn’t get edited out of the story’s first draft? Was there in fact a first draft to this story? Is there even a story here? Oh gods I’ve been thinking about Spiderdick too much, my brain is melting . . .

  305. tallyHO
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#305):

    Dancing Spidey

    //i know. it is lame, right? but…but… this year is the 10 year anniversary of Dancing Spidey!

  306. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#304):

    That sketch has stuck in my mind for decades. My favorite bit was Garrett Morris as Ant Man, explaining that his superpower is the ability to shrink to the size of an ant while still retaining his full, human strength. I love Akroyd’s delivery of his put down: “Ooooh, the stength of a human! Every molecule is a-quiverin’!

  307. Peanut Gallery
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#283): Before that actually happens, we’ll probably a narration box that says, “Five years later, on a Thursday…”

  308. Peanut Gallery
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#308): probably see a…

  309. ralph
    February 27th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Now that we know that this is just a small property it hardly seems worth Melissa’s bother. Perhaps the trip is Melissa’s way of reminding Rex and June that she’s rich, and if they don’t start paying more attention to her, she just might leave her money to her worthless nephew.
    FC: That girl is FAT, Thelma. My earlier prediction of 250 pounds in adulthood may be on the light side.
    9CL: I have actually started to look forward to coming home from work and spending a few moments looking at a well-drawn and interestingly colored strip featuring a cast of preposterous but unfortunately plausible characters. I get to sneer at the primary characters, they get to sneer at the ignorant proles, and the ignorant proles–well they’re too busy smashing beer cans on their heads to notice the disdain of their betters. Seems like a win-win-win.

  310. Sgt. Stoned
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: Let’s hope (for his sake) that Tom Harpman is really a sleeper agent left over from the Soviet era who bites down on his cyanide capsule the instant he sees Mary heading his way with a steaming bowl of urine-colored liquid.

    Archie: Ah,yes, the old “thick as a brick” 80s cell phone…

    GT: And, so, Coach Thorp starts a new religion so that his team can sink more baskets.

  311. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#299): Were they to end up on a cruise, I’d hope it’d run aground or have a big fire or hit an iceberg off the California coast. This snoozefest is snoozy.

    @Droopy Says (#303): Ah. I learned something new. I now dub Mary Worth “Anus Anus.”

  312. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Either the nephew is the worst homosexual in history or Rex’s “gaydar” is on the fritz.

  313. Mikey
    February 27th, 2013 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#193):IP: Shades of Blue balls maybe…

  314. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    I’m not going to spoiler the results of Top Chef, all I’m gonna say is:

    *squeeee*

  315. ALee
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    This seems to be the exact thing that gets people so fired up about the author Laurell K. Hamilton – the fetish for her own characters, the refusal of external editing, the entire thing descending into Mary Sue self-insert porn, etc. I followed blogs about the spiraling of her Anita Blake series without ever having read it because (as a wannabe writer myself) I was just so horrifyingly fascinated by how far it could go and still be published. And depressed, too, once I realized that they’ll apparently publish anything if it starts out okay enough to gain a following. I stopped following it a few years ago, so I have no idea if it’s improved since, but I rather doubt it.

    But, yeah, to stay on topic, Hamilton and McEldowney certainly sound like two creators out of the same mold. They also both write secondary fairy porn series. Hmmmmm…

  316. ALee
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#287):

    Yikes, the above was a response to this! Note to self, next time use preview.

  317. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 27th, 2013 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#303): Thanks. Obviously I pulled that Latin out my own ano.

  318. Mr. O’Malley
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#44): The only place in San Francisco that comes to mind that looks even remotely like that – since they seem to be on the side of a hill – would be at the end of Van Ness by the Maritime Museum. I thought they started out downtown, so they would have covered quite a bit of ground in that, what was it? ten seconds.

    Now to the Buena Vista Cafe for Irish coffee!

  319. Droopy Says
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: It’s really pathetic when you steal sound effects and art from Locher-era Dick Tracy. Now that you two have, *ahem,* “licked the missile,” are you going to “beat the Kingpin?”

    Creepy Alleged Adults, and Not Just Les: If you need to abuse the kids to get them through one game, you’re doing something wrong. The world of sports hasn’t been this much fun since someone decided the lions liked their Christians with tomato sauce.

    Family Circus: Jeffy learned to draw from a man who was deathly ill? Much is now explained.

    Pluggers: At times like this, the neighbors wish that Pluggers would close their curtains.

    Phantom: They looked at a man in purple spandex and stripper boots and didn’t see his big knife . . . that makes a kind of sense, in an avoid-the-subtext way.

    Mock Travail: Rusty wouldn’t be in danger if this part of the state enforced its leash laws. Meanwhile, how is the betting pool doing? What are the odds on “Rod Bassy abducts Rusty” versus “Catfish tosses Rusty some money after stealing his camera?” I’d ask for odds on other possibilities, but this is Weekday Mark Trail. There are no other possibilities.

  320. Chip Whittle
    February 28th, 2013 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#12):

    Glibporn: Is “Bozoid” the robot’s name? Or is it some kind of fantasy world curse word, as in, “You…. You BOZOID!!!”? Either way, I still like Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy, and Geoff Peterson better.

    You’re going to want a shower after learning this about Pibgorn, but you knew that going in.

    The “Bozoids” are the alien robots from a couple stories back who were trying to invade the Earth or something except they kept talking relentlessly about the stupid uselessness of their political leaders because politicians are stupid useless dummies and they made sexbots and…then a long while later Pibgorn’s hand-shaking bits were remade as Bozoid sexbot parts and sometimes she has feelings about this but mostly…you know, I remember reading these comics before Brooke McEldowney went nuts.

    Anyway, “Bozoid” is not Pibgorn’s insulting name for the robot, it’s McEldowney’s insulting name for the robot so that you know that even though it’s an invading space alien that makes sexbots, it’s dumb.

  321. Abby Absolutely
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#303): Just remember: when you read that something happened in A.D. 2013, the “Anno Domini” means “old lady dominatrix’s rectum”. I feel that goes a long way towards explaining many recent events.

  322. Chip Whittle
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    Aaaah! So “Tom Harpman” is what happens when a small ghost wears the deflated, eye-plucked skin of every background character from every serial comic? Gonna be nightmaring on that second panel for weeks.

  323. Droopy Says
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    @Abby Absolutely (#321): “Anno” is from “Annus, anni,” “year,” the root of “annual.” But your translation holds true for any year in which McEclowney produces his ick.

    (I would have responded right away, but I had to sit here a moment and admire the sight of “A.D.” taking its proper spot before the year.)

  324. Droopy Says
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    9 Dickweed Lane: I don’t want to know how Sven recognizes any particular cow. And I don’t want to know which end of the cow he recognized.

  325. bobbaloo
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    It’s cold in the Driver kitchen today.

  326. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Oy, again with the skewering!

    (Seriously, what is with this guy and his fetish for piercing his female characters?)

  327. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    MW: Tom Harpman looks about as happy to see Mary knocking on his door as he would be if she were Masky McDeath. I already like this guy.

  328. seismic-2
    February 28th, 2013 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#326): The panel with the skewering is actually less disturbing than the panel with the ejaculating robot. Please take your meds, Brooke.

  329. bbofun
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#276) @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#289): The problem is, it’s clearly stated this week that the owners don’t know the cow and calf are missing. Therefore, no one other the the thief knows they’ve been stolen! I would be willing to slightly concede the point about Thorax, although that was a stupid joke to use, since it made it sound like it was common knowledge that the cow was gone, but not only does Older Amos seem to know, but, in Thursday’s strip, Sven, the farmhand (I assume) seems to know. Now, it’s possible he just recognized that it was one of the brother’s cows from a brand, or whatever the modern equivalent is- but his dialogue sounds less like “somehow one of their cows got in” and more like “the cow who was missing got in.”

    And none of this explains how Older Amos knew that the cow was called Twinkly, since ONLY the Vet calls her that (asmade clear by Brooke’s own dialogue).

    However, since Sven has now reported Twinkly’s whereabouts, we now will undoubtedly enter farce mode. The Vet will offer to confess, but Juliette will decide to instead hide the cow somewhere else- probably in the house, and deny it was ever there. Hilarity will ensue. Or, more likely, won’t.

  330. Boophilus
    February 28th, 2013 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#326): It’s just another way to portray female penetration.

    9CL: So now is the time. The Sven brothers know. They may be too stupid to even realize it was an abduction. I can see Brooke having them show up with a trailer to bring the cow home and a pie as “thank you” for finding her, only to be left with a door slammed on them and the pie on their heads.

    Time to face the music. If he wanted his characters to be honorable, he would either have them admit they fell in love with Twinkly and offer to buy her from them*, or report them for animal abuse.

    *Since he writes them as idiots, they would probably be satisfied with a handfull of magic beans.

  331. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”What a fun adventure I had. I got to go to San Francisco and destroy a missile. Looks like it’s time to head home.”

  332. Droopy Says
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:13 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#331): He can’t go home yet. Not until he gets slapped around and watches somebody else defeat Kingpin.

  333. Liam
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:15 am [Reply]

    A3G-The Post? Only real New Yorkers reads the Times.

    MW-One good turn deserves a good meddling.

  334. Droopy Says
    February 28th, 2013 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Here’s something that turned up on Teresa Burrit’s Frog Blog:

    http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/51172/kenya+boy+13+gains+fame+for+protecting+livestock+from+lions/

    Total opposite of the persistent idiocy that is “The Phantom.”

  335. gleeb
    February 28th, 2013 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    3-G: Look, Greg, Margo’s been in the hospital. There’s no way she could have anything to do with that headless body in a topless bar. Or did she finally get some attention to the fact that you’re going to be starring in a big movie?

    ‘bean: Oh, I thought it meant you brought in the ringer from Gil Thorp.

    ‘shaft: Why does it take a bald man three days to get a haircut?

    H&L: Ditto longs for death.

    Abbey’s Tight Sweater: She’s been spending so much time finding a garment that fits just so that the woman who does all the work around the farmhouse knows more about Neddy’s life.

    Baldo: Nothing quite revives the tired dancer like creamed spinach.

    Dick: So, for the past 50 years Sweatsock was pulling several flocks’ worth of wool over Tracy’s eyes, and he only found out because of a softball (which also killed the killer)? America’s finest cop, right there.

    Zig: Ziggy hates Nigeria.

  336. Illustrator Steve
    February 28th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#148): That reminded me of a John Lennon autograph I saw on ebay that was signed and dated by Lennon eight years AFTER his death.

  337. Dennis Jimenez
    February 28th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    A3G – So, Margo’s parents are Van Cliburn and Eleanor Roosevelt – strangely, that seem to make a lot of sense….

  338. Reepicheep-chan
    February 28th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    I love the nice, subtle touch of having Daredevil staring blankly at the space behind Spidey’s head. He’s blind, you see!

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