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Oh no, Margo has learned to love, THE PROPHECY IS FULFILLED

Spider-Man, 3/15/13

Great things are happening over at Kingpin Laboratories! Under the inspiring guidance of the company CEO, Kingpin researchers are producing breathtaking innovations in neuroscience — with potentially profitable real-world implications! Meanwhile, across town, a freelance photographer manages, with some effort, to remember the name of a lawyer.

Blondie, 3/15/13

So it turns out that Dagwood’s inability to understand basic finance is just a symptom of his retreat into magical thinking when confronted with scarcity of any sort.

Ziggy, 3/15/13

Scram, Ziggy! Rats want to use your house for fucking!

Apartment 3-G, 3/15/13

Wow, darkness is falling on the city … pretty abruptly there, huh? I mean, in panel one it looks to be about mid-afternoon and then Margo expresses affection for another human and then an inky eternal shadow descends over new york, there is no escape and it is so so cold

Family Circus, 3/15/13

“All this suburban bourgeois bullshit that you think is important? It’s like you’re smothering my soul with a pillow! Just thought I’d let you know.”

Wizard of Id, 3/15/13

Ha ha, it’s funny because the dragon likes to eat his own poop!

199 responses to “Oh no, Margo has learned to love, THE PROPHECY IS FULFILLED”

  1. Herr Kommissar Denny
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    GT: Way to make them own their loss, Gil. Very inspirational.

  2. revenge4Aldo
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    FW: And now we know the first symptom of a Brain Tumor in the Funky-verse.

  3. Brownsfan
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Trending now…..Poop eating is becoming a favorite topic of many cartoonists…….

  4. yellojkt
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Adds new meaning to the phrase ‘dragon-breath’.

  5. Liam
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Right, it makes people obey my every command but how? What does it affect? What is it’s chemical makeup?”

    A3G-As darkness falls with a bright blue sky in the back not indicating in any way whatsoever that the sun is setting and night is falling.

    A3G 2-While on the way to London, England Greg Cooper’s plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors.

    Crankshaft-He ran into the neighbor’s mailbox.

    Love Is-Everyday she wears nothing and that doesn’t do a thing for him. She wears clothes and that does something to him.

    MT-Look at how much Mark loves Rusty. He would rather want to catch Rod cheating than going straight to the cops and rescue Rusty. Who knows what is going on with Rusty. He could be dead for all we know.

    MW-And of this meal all we will see is brown loaf for the lamb, solid green lumps for the salad, and solid white lumps for the mashed potatoes.

  6. Herr Kommissar Denny
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    an inky eternal shadow descends over new york, there is no escape and it is so so cold … THE PROPHECY IS FULFILLED

    Death is but a door. Time is but a window. Margo be back.

  7. Liam
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    A3G-”JFK or Laguadia? I have to leave Manhattan and go into either Brooklyn or Queens. Those two neighborhoods are full of common unfashionable people. Why can’t there be an airport in Manhattan?”

  8. Chareth Cutestory
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Wizard of Id: Not sure why anyone would need a litter box for a dragon, when they could just yell “FUS RO DAH!” at the steaming piles instead.

  9. Cormac Brown
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    If the gas “makes people obey your every command,” then wouldn’t it make sense that the scientists would use it on the Kingpin? http://joshreads.com/images/13/03/i130308spidey.jpg

  10. pugfuggly
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    ASM Presumably Matt Murdock’s office is back in New York, though? Better give MJ a call and start begging now for a return ticket.

    Blondie My favourite part is that Dagwood is just so flummoxed about what to do next. He’d probably been sitting there for hours before Blondie showed up.

    A3G “Yes…I think I’m going to check my luggage and pay the extra fee for the window seat…”

  11. Old Folkie
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    MT: “We can’t rescue Rusty yet! It’ll interfere with catching Rod cheating!” Boy, Dickens would’ve loved Mark as a character…

    Sally: Ted breaks the fourth wall again…

  12. Drewbear
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    FC: So Jeffy is having a stroke in the top half of the pill. The reason his head is turned in the bottom half is so we don’t see the slack-jawed facial drooping that indicates possible neurological damage. So basically, any given Friday night in the Keane household.

    Blondie: Why the exclamation, Blondie? I mean, you’ve only been married to him for what? Centuries at this point? If you don’t know by now that this is exactly like him, I feel sorry for you.

    Wizard of Id: I like to think that, in the first panel, the guy actually stopped to take a breath in the middle of that scream: “AHH-pause for deep breath-HHH.” He’s kinda run out of steam by the end of it though, since he couldn’t even muster an exclamation.

  13. tallyHO
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Wiz O’ Id: how hard was it to write the Wizard can’t house train him?
    Just as funny. Not disturbing. OK. Not that funny. Just not disturbing.

    Dagwood’s Sammich Conundrums: Learn from Julia Child, Dagwood. Eat your mistakes. After all, that was the plan. Am I right, m’man?

    Spider-Man: Some call him Amazing. Others say he’s Spectacular. But, they weren’t referring to comic strip Peter Parker. Doi!

    Ziggy: sigh. Lent is not over yet and you cause me to backslide? Oh well, you and my love for backsliding are tied for the season.
    Let me get this straight:
    Ziggy has mice in his hice….er, his house…who can float him a tenspot just to leave his own house? Just what the hell is that mouse doing to earn money? For that matter, what does Ziggy do to earn money? If pantless, ass-sitting is a full-time occupation, who’s paying?

    Mark Trail: yesterday I wrote that Mark has no heart. Upon careful consideration, perhaps it isn’t that he has no heart but that it beats to the drumming, nee pounding, of the Fists of Justice. The only thing that makes that thought comforting is that the steady beat might be that of a good Urge Overkill song.

    it could happen to you, it could happen to me

    Hi & Lois: Hi is no longer on the “cool dad” list. Oh, how far has the High man fallen. It popped, it did. The bubble is gone. He no longer deserves a classic rock song. Hi is no longer cool. Thank goodness for Thirsty! Thirsty will take his illegitimate son and show him the ways of the world. He’ll do for Chip what Hi won’t do. As he should, because Chip is Thirsty’s child.

  14. Flonatin of Bologna
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Ten bucks to go to the movies? Why are you commenting on a reprint from 1986, Josh?

  15. nescio
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Daisy isn’t reacting to the punchline, I think she just developed a sour look after sniffing Blondie’s ass in the first two panels.

  16. Powers
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Josh, you do know that Matt Murdock is Daredevil, right?

  17. nescio
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    WoI: The dragon isn’t eating his own poop, he stays outside. The litter box is the Wizard’s improvisation in a land without indoor plumbing.

  18. tallyHO
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Good Gooblemoobly!

    How could I ignore Slylock Fox’s Waning Hangover Induced, Early Morning Hallucination?

    That is what Rusty sees when he wakes up in the TARDIS van of Rod Bassy and Catfish, the freak wonder!
    Coincidentally, Thirsty, Snuffy Smif and Andy Capp all deal with their Friday Morning DTs during Lent by seeing fish materailize from the ether!

    Dang. Bob Weber is like making Sociological and Psychological comic strips! Kudoe, Professer!

  19. KreatureFeatures
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Clankshaft: I researched this, and the tree would outweigh the car. But that’s OK because this story is so riveting.

  20. tallyHO
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @Flonatin of Bologna (#14):

    Because that mouse likes
    skyrockets, in flight!
    afternoon delight!

    Ziggy is going to the matinee, or he will find the nearest manatee and just start humping till the cows come home. Then he will leave the sea cow and go home. Somehow this all is something which goes full circle. After all, it is the Ziggycentric Universe.

  21. pugfuggly
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Luann “What you want to do is find a man so repulsive that no other woman would want him. Take him in, break his will with your naughty bits and then mold him in your image.

    MT Mark’s plan is to catch Rod in the act of cheating and, as a sideline, maybe reveal where they’ve stowed the kidnapped Rusty. They don’t make it clear whether that last bit is a positive or a negative, just acknowledge it as a possible outcome.

    MW God, I am so looking forward to this dinner! ‘The walls in here are a weird shade of orange!’, ‘This lamb looks like little monochromatic balls!’, ‘Your kitchen counter doesn’t follow the rules of time and space!’, ‘Your advice is terrible and self-serving’….

  22. Mibbitmaker
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    MW: Elinor Kinley, the In-The-Comics Curmudgeon.

    S-M: It’s particularly funny to read today’s strip after seeing the one Darkgate’s been stuck on for a while.

    FW: The whole set-up and “mainstream” comic book obsession is self-indulgent and stupid. And that damnable smirk! HATE!
    ~…however, the jokes (yesterday and today) are…. some fun, actually. Almost ’70s FW fun(ny?). Keep going, Batiuk, you can get there……

    A3G Narration:
    “As darkness falls on the city…”
    “….”
    “I said, ‘AS DARKNESS FALLS ON THE CITY…..!!!’ …..”
    “(finally!)”

    BC: “BC — Ah say, BC? They still doin’ that? Wah, that’s like Thanksgiving in March, boy! (real bad timing, that is!)”

    9CL: Yes, Brooke! That is supposed to be a sexy, sexy euphamism! DON’T LIE!

    Curtis: It’s called “syence fyction”, Curtis! (and I’ll try to ignore the dead-tired TV vs. Books garbage, thank you so very much!)

    HotC: “Hey, kids! I’m an authority figure responsible for shaping you children’s lives and your well-being. Why don’t we all start bullying the logical and weak kid so we can maximize a cruel, painfully violent “game”? Whatsay, fellow thugs…?”

    Lio: That’s Fred as if animated by the main animator of the “Prowler” episode! Cool!

    Luann: Hey, we’ll do the snarking here, liver lips!

    NS: That’s the most sense Danae has made in over a decade!

    Glibporn: Or nothing like it at all.

    FC: We know the feeling, Jeffy!

    FC, meta: My, isn’t li’l Jeffy Keane the smug leftist all of a sudden.

    ZtP: Even Griffy is bored with Dingburg by now.

  23. exapno
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    A warning/opportunity here folks: Evans is doing a live Twitter at !:30 CDT – do we dare?

    @gocomics

  24. Mibbitmaker
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#22): Yes, it is spelled “euphemism”, Mibbit! DON’T LIE!

  25. Josh
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    @Powers (#16): Yes, but … Peter Parker doesn’t?

  26. AhClem
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    MT – “So here is the elaborate plan to catch Rod Bassy cheating in the fishing tourn …. what? Rusty? No, the van looks pretty new, but … what? Oh, you mean that pesky mis-shapen kid who keeps bugging me to take him fishing? What about him?”

  27. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Love is… …that goddam slinky dress, amirite?

  28. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    so, technical Q for the mudgeon Crowdsourced Answer series.

    anyone out there running NoScript for Firefox? does it interfere with the comics on the usual sites? how annoying is it in general? (any worse than say, after a firewall update?)

    *curious*

  29. Chyron HR
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    SM “It makes people obald your every command! I mean, obey your every baldman.”

  30. AhClem
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    SM – Nice to see Jesse Ventura in a lucrative new business after leaving Minnesota politics.

  31. Ranger
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Not MATT Murdock?! No, Matt MURDock!!

  32. Little Guy
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    ASM: Sorry, Kingpin. Taco Bell beat you to it.

  33. MWDG
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    MW: I wonder if any readers of MW have pleasured themselves while gazing at Elinor Kinley’s image?

    on a side note I think it is ridiculous that someone would serve lamb and asparagus for guests…

    I hope Elinor hooks up with that single guy neighbor that appears to have some sort of illness.

  34. Marc
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    9CL- Please step in front of a moving train. Both of you, please.

    A3G- Boy nighttime sure looks a lit like midday in NYC. No wonder its called the city that never sleeps.

    Cranky- Add trees, cars, and physics to the list of things that Batiuk doesn’t understand.

    Mary Worth- “I don’t like asparagus! It turns your pee funny. Beth get me a goddamn cucumber right now!”

    Mark Trail- “But you can’t catch villainous fishing cheaters on an empty stomach. How about some pancakes Bluegill?”

    Funky- Either Mopey Pete has finally lost it or those are some damn powerful drugs.

    Luann- Brad is still a worthless loser and nobody in their right mind would consider a negligent, white trash bitch like Toni to be the “right woman”.

  35. But What Do I Know?
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#1): You must continue to work hard during your transitory time at Milford High so that I can take credit for being a great coach and remain here forever!

  36. Dennis Jimenez
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Why would you start making a sandwich, without anything for the bottom side? Well, I was hoping Herb or the mailman might show up….

    S-M – Hey, looking at Lard-O, I’m betting this will bending gas production involves him eating a tray of breakfast burritos….

    Ziggy – Thank god it’s a lady friend – I mean this is a family strip….

    A3G – Blue on blue – heartache on heartache….

    FC – That was a mining for a snack pick – not an itchy nose pick….

    WoI – An’ it’s really ironic funny, cuz this strip keeps feeding us this shit, too! Ha-Ha-Ha….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  37. Setec Astrology
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    In addition to being unable to housebreak his dragon, the Wizard is apparently unable to master the basic grammatical “lay/lie” distinction.

  38. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    @MWDG (#33): …on a side note I think it is ridiculous that someone would serve lamb and asparagus for guests…

    Very true! Mary should have asked her guests when she invited them, or when she was working out the menu. I happen to love both items, but many, many people do not, Mrs. Scudder being one. (She says lamb tastes like wool. And I could probably get her to eat asparagus, but only at gunpoint.)

  39. Hibbleton
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Love is.. going nude because wearing a dress makes you look hippy.

    RMMD: ..Milton doesn’t want to spoil that perfect ass of yours.

    MW: Beth, thou shallt wield the (old) battle axe and slay the dragon lady.

  40. Écureuil Écumant
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Blondie: As Blondie stands there in the last panel, the Pointless-Exclamation-Point-O’-Revelation suddenly flashes above her head as she envisions tortilla wraps. Manhole-cover-sized tortilla wraps. Where the package will always still have “Some” or “None”, and Dag will never be one short of a pair.

    Now, she muses, if someone could only figure out how to accomplish the same thing with testes.

  41. briannixon@verizon.net
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I guess Dagwood’s not the Son of God.

  42. Casino LF
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    9CL: Where exactly is literally everything in this comic taking place? Not one for backgrounds, this guy.

    JP: “No, I’m not in trouble, I just spent all that money on this new experimental surgery that makes your nipples rock hard, all the time!”

  43. Ratiocinator
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    ASM “Well, I’m bored. Nothing’s on tv, so I guess I should finally get around to talking to that guy, you know, whatsisname, about doing something about the…crap, I’m blanking on that guy’s name too…some kind of pin?”

    9CL: “And by ‘your note’, I mean ‘your penis’. And by ‘little envelope’, I mean my pussy.”

    BG&SS: “An’ what’s more, he says teeths ain’t alive an’ got minds a their own, makin’ this here condolence card wholly inappropriate!”

    Garfield: Okay, please tell me that shopping mall thing happened with some other person Jon was dating, otherwise this relationship is going to get as depressing as the Lockhorns’.

    JP: “Trouble? Haha, that’s silly, Abbey! I just woke up one day and felt like buying up every piece of real estate in France, bit by bit, until I own the country! It’s not like I’ll ever run out of money since you keep on sending it to me!”

    Luann: Both, obviously.

    RMMD: Doesn’t she mean that she has to live vicariously through others who HAVE children? Or maybe not? If she has a desire to live vicariously through children, does that mean she has adult baby fantasies that will never be fulfilled because Milton ain’t into it?

  44. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (Y#293):

    That Camus has a saying for everything, if the CC site is to be believed.

    Wo bist du, Sequitur?

    At least the Albert Camus quote I gave you was genuine.

    And where am I?

    I’m right here. But last night I was there.
    So, I’m either here or there but not everywhere.
    That would require omnipotence which I do not possess.

    As I said once before, I am no Nehemiah Scudder.

  45. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    WoI: “Yes, I can command dragons! I bought a special gas, from this lab run by a fat, bald guy in Seattle.”

    ASM: “This gas totally overwhelms people, and it strips them of all control over themselves, so you can then make them do anything. It’s made from the flatulence of dragons who recycle their own poop.”

    MT: Mark, you know that coffee mug that Rusty gave you, that says “Wold’s Greatest Dad”? What’s that, he didn’t give you one of those mugs? Gee, did you maybe ever wonder why not?

    Luann: So, the right woman can turn a worthless loser into an amazing guy? Then it should be noted that every boy that Luann has ever dated is still a worthless loser, or a homosexual who has moved thousands of miles away.

    GT: “Your talent, your drive, your teamwork. Let’s carry that over to next year. And for those of you who are graduating seniors, you’ll be known for the rest of your lives as pathetic losers who were beat in the playdowns by a magical pig. Thank goodness your loss didn’t have anything to do with my coaching! Now, hit the showers, while I hit this flask in my hip pocket. It’s time for some baseball!”

  46. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    The Wizard just performed sex change by a command. Henry will now go and lay (an egg).

    Or maybe the Wizard just doesn’t speak English.

    (Honestly, I’m someone to whom English is a foreign language, and I still wince each time I find an alleged native speaker not knowing how to use “lay” and “lie”.)

  47. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#45): Luann won’t return to Dirk, apparently. This will remain just a place mark in how Toni is transforming Bwad into a wonderful person (yeah, right).

  48. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @Setec Astrology (#37): Like a lot of alleged speakers of the English tongue.

  49. Stroker Ace
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Spider Mons – It’s not just the gas…it’s the covered wagon that makes you obey.

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#43): re 9CL: and both are being given to Edda. . . .

  51. Mardou Fox
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Is the dragon eating his own poop, or is he eating the wizard’s cat’s poop? And why do I want to know?

  52. sporknpork
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    It looks like Spider-Man pressed too hard on his temple and fractured his skull, triggering a lifetime of being even stupider.

  53. Jim in Wisc.
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Mary Useless: “I made a lamb roast with an asparagus salad and mashed potatoes as sides. Then I mixed it all together and compressed it into salmon-colored squares.”

    Crankenschaft: “But because the tree had no roots left, it died within days.”

    Rex Orgasm, MD: Wait a New York minute! If blondie is married to some old goat who’s filthy rich, what is she doing working as a governess?

    Funky Cancerstroke: HA HA HA HA HA … uh wait, this is funny why now?

    The Comic In Which Jeff Keane Works Out The Anger Issues He Has With The Rest Of His Family: A yawn? It looks more like a nasty beer belch.

  54. WCjobber
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Jeffy, finally inured to the mind numbing effects of television you KNOW his parents sit him in front of all day, will soon seek out the only viable means of entertainment left to him. That’s right, folks, Family Circus is about to have a “blood sport” arc. I for one can’t wait.

  55. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#44): As I said once before, I am no Nehemiah Scudder.

    Multi enim sunt vocati, pauci vero electi.

  56. Herr Kommissar Denny
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#35): “Look, kids, I know this is just high school to you, and unless you lose an arm in a war or played in the Negro leagues, you’ll move on to bigger and better things, but this– this is my life. This is all I have, and I’ll be damned if I end up working the tee-ball circuit again. Those parents are crazy. They actually expect coaches to coach.”

  57. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Peter Parker may not be the brightest bulb on the web (he needs a spider-notebook), but he does have nice hair.

    Apt. 3-G: Yes. Tonight we feast on the flesh of Tommie.

    Cyanide and Happiness: This joke would be much funnier if it were transposed into The Amazing Spider-Man.

    Dick Tracy: Of all the unbelievable shit I’ve seen in Dick Tracy, this takes the cake, or the medieval pastry, as the case may be. Maybe if Jumble was infiltrating a home renovation on HGTV, maybe he’d get on tv. At a Renaissance Faire? Not a hope in hell. (For the record, I was wrong about “trencher.” I thought we’d be looking for different words, like you do in, you know, Jumbles.)

    Luann: Dirk was SAVED by GRACE, get it? Huh? Huh? SO CLEVER.

    Mark Trail: “Cherry? It’s Mark. I’m afraid I have some bad news. Rusty’s been kidnapped.”

    “OMIGOSH, that’s awful! What are you doing about it?”

    “Well, at the moment, I’m having a gin and tonic. Tomorrow, we’ll confront the presumed kidnappers about cheating at the fishing tournament. We’re confident they’ll crack.”

    “What are you, nuts? He could be dead by then!”

    “Have you ever had Bombay Sapphire?”

    “You have a point.”

    Mary Worth: Don’t worry, lady. Your Depends will cover up any unpleasant odor. Beth, a gin and tonic for you?

    Pibgorn: And by “Caliph,” she means “Brooke McEldowney.”

    We’re back to the awesome in both Scary Go Round and Sinfest.

    Shoe: HAHAHA the suffering of the mentally ill is funny!

    But speaking of awesome, today “Heart of Juliet Jones” is way more awesome than most anything you’ll see in today’s funny pages.

  58. Alice
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Luann: The silver lining in this week’s arc is that we’ve just had two strips in a row of Shannon keeping her yap shut and not causing havoc. I didn’t think that was possible.

  59. LP2004
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#45): MT: Well, part of the problem may have been that Rusty was looking for a dainty china tea cup (with saucer) that said “World’s Greatest Dad’. He saw the mugs, but had no idea what they were for.

  60. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#55): Sed electi magnas habent responsabilitate.

  61. Droopy Says
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#57): Dirk was saved by Grace? That’s amazing.

  62. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Setec Astrology (#37): In addition to being unable to housebreak his dragon, the Wizard is apparently unable to master the basic grammatical “lay/lie” distinction.

    Hardly basic, the distinction is purely artificial, not having existed until the 18thC, according to the OED, and generally disappearing, except as a dubious social shibboleth, in the mid-20thC.

  63. TheDiva
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: So, will the plane crash with Greg on it or will he suffer a fatal accident on the set a few weeks later?

    SM: I’m pretty sure there’s porn somewhere that starts out with the exact dialogue in panel one.

    Ziggy: He thinks ten bucks will cover the price of a movie ticket? How long has that mouse been living in that hole in the wall, anyway?

  64. Irrischano
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    It might be the perspective they’re drawn in, but I believe Margo and Greg have become horrific skyscraper-sized monsters. All of New York fears the wrath of MarGodzilla and GreGamera! When they’re not boring mile-long holes into the city with each destructive step, they’re just…boring.

  65. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#60): Humiliare conatur, et vires non bene utuntur.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: If Ziggy doesn’t want his house to become further infested, I hope he has a package of rat-size condoms he can lend the lad.

    A3G: “Ahem. We said, ‘As darkness falls on the city…’ A little darkness please? Anyone? *sigh* I guess a powder blue wash will have to do.”

    MT: Dammit, who reversed the California flag? (Did Elrod just reveal which state they’re in the southern part of?)

    MW: Hey, don’t worry lady. There’s no way in Hell you’ll recognize what you’re eating anyway.

    FW: Ouch. Someone’s whimsy muscles have atrophied.

    Crock: What’s Algerian French for “no soap, radio”?

    Garfield: Kind of cheesy recycling the song that you wrote for your mother, Jon.

    DT: Flakey Biscuits goes incognito as a Welsh Ren Fest hostess. I still don’t think her witness relocation handler should have let her go on TV.

    GT: “What? Most of you are graduating and I’ll be stuck with a new batch of losers? Never mind then.”

    SSmith: A dime for each tooth, so Jughaid should have gotten $3.20.

    H&J: Aw, he’s just trying to give himself the illusion of knees.

    Marvin: Bitsy did try to chew on Marvin once, but some mysterious acid squirted out and dissolved three teeth.

    Lockhorns: Dr. Blog really needs to cancel his appointments for today and work on a Joker serum antidote.

  67. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#65): Et tunc pluit.

  68. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#58): Yup. Talk about Dirk, his crackhead yoga instructor wife, and your yen to have little Brad-babies in front of her, and Shannon will tune out to the point of being incapable of making trouble. Kind of an extreme treatment, though.

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#67): et iam … humidam.

  70. NoahSnark
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    The Kingpin gets gas which controls people minds while I am stuck with gas that can clear any room in the house. Sad thing is that makes us both qualified to be Spider-Man villains.

  71. Irrischano
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Irrischano (#64):

    er, actually “mile-deep” makes more sense. or both, whatever

  72. TheDiva
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’m trying desperately to pretend “slip your note into the little envelope” isn’t a particularly clumsy double entendre.

    C’shaft: “So you’re telling me that your father, using nothing more than a compact Chevy and a length of chain, managed to right a tree weighing several tons, and that tree has endured for several decades despite having been completely detached from its root system.”
    “What, are you accusing me of lying?”

    FW: Oh God, the assholerly is spreading.

    GT: “What am I saying, of course it was the pig. Next year we need to find a better mascot.”

    Luann: So remember girls: If your abusive/loser boyfriend doesn’t improve himself, it’s entirely your fault for not being special enough. (The revelation that this might possibly have been written by a woman makes it even more disgusting.)

    MT: I love how Rusty is the second priority. “We must catch these dastardly cheaters red-handed–oh yeah, and find that redheaded kid too if we have time.”

    MW: Who does? Disgusting stuff, even before Mary turned it into her trademark unidentifiable mush.

    Pibgorn: How is she standing?

  73. Lay Downpuppy
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#62): For 2 examples -

    Now I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray the LORD my sould to keep

    & more cheerily, from the frozen North:

    Lay lady lay
    Lay across my big brass bed

    So, in conclusion, naptime.

  74. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#69): stillis, stillis, stillare iussi.

  75. kingklash
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#6): So that’s why my toaster wants me to play some Jackie Wilson!

  76. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#34):

    9CL- Please step in front of a moving train. Both of you, please.

    And if you need to borrow a background from today’s Ballard Street, so be it.

  77. Liam
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MT-Let’s see. Rusty’s well being versuses catching Rod cheating. Mark can make it up to Rusty by promising to take him fishing.

  78. Tophat
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Wizard of Id: I just assumed he was eating cats while they were trying to poop, but that makes this no less gross.

  79. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MT – BREAKING NEWS…..RUSTY’S BEEN KIDNAPPED AND WHO CARES?!

    “Mark, HOW many times has it been now that has Rusty been kidnapped…ten times? Fifteen times? Since kidnapping is a FEDERAL OFFENSE, wouldn’t Ranger Tom Martin’s job be on the line by him not ever contacting the F.B.I.? After all, it would be their case, not his, to solve.”

    “That would only be true if Ranger Tom Martin had any knowledge about Rusty repeatedly being kidnapped. I sure as hell never told him or any other law enforcement official about Rusty’s multiple kidnappings. WHY should I have since I prefer taking these matters into my own hands…speaking of ‘HANDS’ how’s about HANDING me that platter of pancakes next to you over there!” (Mark – now talking with a mouthful of pancakes) “Thank you, thank you very much! Now what was it that I was saying? …Oh yeah, I prefer conducting my own personal investigations and am always quick in passing judgment on the perps with my fists-O-justice (r) ! …speaking of ‘PASSING’ how ’bout passing me that maple syrup over here? THAT you! Thank you very much! ….Now, as I was saying…”

    “It’s always all about YOU, isn’t it, Mark?!”

    “Hey! …WHO’S name do you see on this comic strip, Buegill? I THOUGHT so!”

  80. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    ASM: If you think that gas is powerful, just wait until old lady Elinor gives in and eats some of Mary Worth’s asparagus.

    JP: Poor Neddy is being robbed blind by her new friends. Last month she didn’t even have enough of her allowance left to buy a bra.

  81. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @MWDG (#33):

    MW: I wonder if any readers of MW have pleasured themselves while gazing at Elinor Kinley’s image?

    If you want to inflict images like that on your own brain, I guess I can’t stop you.

  82. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    GA: Doesn’t the moron in the red hat mean “weren’t entitled” instead of “were entitled”? Does anyone care? No? I thought not. Never mind.

    // Dumbest GA ever?

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    bullpuppy not for bb,u.

    Print is dead, no one noticed nor cared.

    WANT.

    I’m fairly certain that there’s a trope trope for this, but I’m too busy laughing to find it.

    Origami, next on the Military Channel.

    ikkle big kitteh has a facewash. (mAAAWWWmmmmm!)

    o’corgi sings Danny Boy.

    hovercorgi breaks sound barrier.

  84. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#74): Yeah, that Steve Stills is some guitarist!

  85. Margo
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    A3G: If your kisses make someone suddenly inquire about the time, or talk about airports, you’re doing it wrong.

  86. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#74): Albert Camus!

    // I win! Wanna try another round?

  87. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @kingklash (#75): No, it’s because your toaster is picking up the SiriusXM radio broadcast “Sixties on 6″ WITHOUT a subscription!

  88. Dawn Weston's Evil Twin
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW: This is great! Elinor Kinley just stepped into the apartment, and the drama is already beginning! Will the Westons be attending? Who would want to miss this?!

  89. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86): That’s a Latin noun with which I am unfamiliar. What’s the declension of Albertcamus?

    Oh right, it’s “Non!“.

  90. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86): Well, if you’re gonna cheat…

  91. Carolina Boy
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Elinor looks an awful lot like an “evil Mary” from an alternative universe where all joy has fled. She has Mary’s eyes — and her hair — and her cheekbones.

  92. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Elinor Kinsey will be finding asparagus up her ass.

  93. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#90): Sorry. It’s the pirate costume.

  94. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#53): re RMMD… IIRC, she was June’s governess when she met and married Milton. But she likes the job so much she opened her own daycare center.

  95. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Powers (#16): Peter doesn’t know it, though.

  96. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    SF: Ted is talking to us again.

  97. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MT – As we would say back in the day….”AIN’T THAT A BEAR!”

    …That or, as @Artist formerly known as Ben (#66) pointed out, Jackelrod has lead us to believe that California is somewhere in the southern part of the state. Bt the goo dnews is it’s NOT TOO FAR FROM A NEARBY CITY!.

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Brownsfan (#3):

    Poop eating is becoming a favorite topic of many cartoonists…….

    Dear God! I hope that never hits the soap strips.

  99. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#93): And a fine pirate costume at that. I give it four “Arrrs.”

    That must really help clear the check out line at Walmart.

  100. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MT – “Bluegill, this WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY!”

    “Well, I suppose kidnapping and cheating in a fishing tournament would be of some intrest to some..”

    “NO, Bulegill! THIS will make a good story! THIS PANCAKE I am eating, it’s DELICIOUS! ,…WHERE’S my laptop? I’ve got to write a story about this great tasting PANCAKE!!”

  101. TheDiva
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Carolina Boy (#91): There’s a universe even MORE joyless than the one Mary reigns over? There’s a mind-boggling thought.

  102. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#89): Well, as Camus ends in “us”, and is masculine, it is, of course, the fourth declension, ergo:

    N. Camus
    G. Camûs
    D. Camui
    Ac. Camuum
    V. Camus
    Ab. Camu

    Wait a second! You’re trying to trick me, aren’t you? Ouch! My spleen!

  103. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#99): That must really help clear the check out line at Walmart.

    Oh, that’s just the asparagus talking!

  104. Jim in Wisc.
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#94):
    Ah! Thanks for the clarification. That must have happened before I started reading the strip about 5 or 6 yrs. ago. Which converts to about 2 to 3 weeks in serial comic strip time.

  105. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): You’re trying to trick me, aren’t you?

    Ablative absolutely!

  106. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    MT – “Tomorrow’s the last day of the fishing tournament … we’ve GOT to catch those two in the act of cheating and hope they’ll show us WHERE they’ve taken Rusty’s body!”

    “Maybe I can be of some help, Mark. My old ’83 Chevy pick-up had a RUSTY BODY and I found a deep place in the river to get rid of it!”

  107. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#105): This site turned into a Latin Grammar forum so gradually… Remember when it was all about, “Guy walks into a bar with a slide rule” jokes?

  109. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

  110. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#108): I took Latin in high school for the toga parties.

  111. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#107): Veggie Tales? Never heard of that before. Guess I picked the wrong week to give up mescaline.

  112. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MT – “Every time Rod Bassy caught one of the big fish, he was using his lure that lights up … I bet that was so that his buddy Catfish could find it under water – Catfish waits at preordained spots and attaches fish to Rod’s line!”

    (Reply #1): “WOW! THAT must be ONE hell-of-a-smart Catfish!!”

    (Reply #2): “ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCUSE ROD BASSY OF CHEATING AT FISHING!”

  113. Austria
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MW: I really can’t wait to see how Mary meddles her way through this one. Oh, Eleanor, you’re setting us up for a GREAT storyline.

    S-M: Yaoi hands, etc.

    RMMD: For a minute I thought her pants were down.

  114. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Motivation, thy name is Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

  115. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#109): Well, I think the native friends got it wrapped to go and then left most of it lying around in the fridge.

  116. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#110): A good reason. I took it in Jr. High because I had read a book about Heinrich Schliemann and the discovery of the historical Troy. I thought it would be awesome to be an archaeologist — this was way before Indiana Jones, but the idea was kind of like that — and it seemed like a good first step.

    // Who knew that it would make me the life of parties! People ask me to shindigs more than Mr. & Mrs. Lockhorn. “Ask Nehemiah to come, he does Latin!” is the cry echoing through the land. But I’m sure you and Seismic know the feeling.

  117. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MT – This fishing tournament cheating scandal would have been compromised months ago if Kelly Welly had been there…even if it took Mark stealing her memory card to do so!

  118. Anondod
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Wizard of Id: How does that dragon eat anything at all? Unless it unhinges its upper jaw and pulls it back over its head there’s no way it can get anything past that overbite.

  119. Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    S-M: “And when I say tell me more, I mean tell me exactly what you told me yesterday but change the wording slightly.”

    S-M (2): Tell me more, tell me more, ’bout that will-bending gas.
    Tell me more, tell me more, what’s its molecular mass?

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114): Sadly, Jeremy had been assigned to read the Works of William Wordsworth, and his young life has been blighted ever since. “Trailing clouds of glory…”

  121. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116):

    …speaks Latin, my Satin Doll.
    –Duke Ellington & Johnny Mercer

  122. Anonymous
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3G – Not even the buildings in the background are safe from this strip’s distortion of time and space.

  123. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    MT – Two months have passed since the fishing tournament scandal. Rod and Catyfish have been apprehended, charged with kidnapping, felony murder and cheating at fishing. They have been judged by their peers and the media awaits as Rod Bassy is about to leave the courthouse after his sentencing.
    Outside the courthouse, as the Deputies place a chained and shackled Rod Bassy into the Sherrif’s department’s van for a ride to a nearby prison, the media shoves microphones in Bassy’s face while bombarding him with questions.

    Rod’s only reply, “ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCUSE ME OF CHEATING AT FISHING!?”

  124. bbofun
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    LUANN- And Toni has managed to turn Dirk’s story of redemption into praise for herself. Well done.

    A3G- “Time to go to the airport, Margo. Have you decided yet?”
    “Yes, Greg- we’ll take the West Side Highway. I think there’ll be less traffic this time of day.”

    A3G(2)- So, is the question whether or not they’ll get married, since the engagement ring would seem to answer that (unless it’s not an engagement ring, as some have suggested- it seems to be on the wrong hand/finger, but that just could be the artist once again ignoring the script). Or is it whether or not she’ll accompany him to England while he shoots his movie? Because, if that’s it, does that mean there’s already a seat reserved for her (first class, I assume)? And she’s need her passport, too, so- what I’m saying is, not exactly a decision to be made at the last minute.

    GT- From past experience, I assume there are at least a few of the players who listened to Gil’s speech and heard “their good-luck pig is better than your peacock” and are now planning to steal the pig. Oh, and Gil? They were sucking as a team until they went to see the peacock. That’s how good a coach you are- you could only motivate them by using their own stupidity against them. Good job!

    ASM- The Saturday strip use to be the throwaway- nothing really important would happen in it- oftentimes, when there was a week of strips on one subject, or one story, it would be more a postscript than a finale. Even now, for example, the Sunday re-cap strip for Apt. 3G usually ignores the Saturday strip. This is because the Saturday paper usually has a lower readership, strangely enough- or, at least, that was the common wisdom.

    This is the perfect example of a Saturday strip. NOTHING HAPPENS. Panel one- Kingpin merely reiterates that there is a gas, and the scientist tells us (again) what it does. Panel two- Peter says he’s going to do something we knew he was going to do. Panel three- he states a fact we already know. A perfect storm of nothing.

    Of course, that could be said of most Spider-man strips.

    RMMD- So, blonde governess was Sophie’s governess, then met a rich man and married him- but remained on as governess because she desperately wants to have children, and her husband thinks they’re too old to have any? That’s not depressing at all.

    MW- That Elinor’s a pip. (And you’ve gotta love Beth’s sudden descent into despair in panel two.)(Not quite certain who would be the best actress to play Elinor- at first I thought Maggie Smith, but now I’m thinking Judi Dench. Although Margaret Hamilton is probably the best choice, but she’s unavailable. And there is nothing like a Dame.)

  125. Fashion Police
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    We are not certain why anyone would worry about Miss Spencer’s finances. It’s quite clear that she is merely dabbling in mid-scale Paris fashion – something that ought to be expected from a 21-year-old “art” student with a $4 million flat in the Sixteenth and a trust fund. We are intrigued that the stripes on her sweater tilt precisely to the degree that said garment falls off her left shoulder, right down to the horizontal bottom stripe, producing a mild trompe l’oeil spiral that makes one wonder if the wearer is similarly out of plumb. Sheer genius!

  126. bbofun
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#124): And, yes, I just realized it’s Friday, not Saturday, so my whole Spider-man essay is irrelevant.

    Look, I’m an actor. I NEVER know what day it is unless I have a matinee.

  127. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#116): Ask Nehemiah to come, he does Latin!

    Those are the good parties to attend. The ones to stay away from are the ones where they invite Aristotle Papagoras just because he does Greek.

  128. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#127): Or parties where Professor Ian Cameron is invited because he does Scottish.

    “Are those your bagpipes or are you just glad to see me?”

  129. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Alas, if only Bitsy had followed up on his initial instincts, the world would have been spared 30 years of baby poop jokes.

  130. Calico
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Haha, I didn’t know dragons could get coprophilia! So funny!

  131. odinthor
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Luann: —

    Do you think he changed because of Grace?

    This became a theological strip so suddenly that I noticed it at once. No, Luann. You’ve got this backwards. A sincere change in Dirk towards humility, good works, and prayer might bring about an overall righteousness which could in turn bring about divine Grace; but remember that the Grace of God is likely beyond our understanding, and even more likely beyond your understanding.

    [“Amazing guy.”] Are we talking about Dirk or my brother?

    This remark is an example of something beyond one’s understanding. Neither Dirk nor your brother is an amazing guy. And that concludes our sermon today. We will end the service with Happy the Man whose Cautious Feet….

  132. Clint Brawny
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    This has likely been mentioned before, but have the Apartment 3-G characters had anything below the waist depicted even once in the past decade? I don’t read the strip, and only ever see it here.

  133. Government Cheese
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Luann: Ahem. I don’t want to open a can of worms here, but can’t a gentleman change a lady as well? Or is that TOO MODERN? Any how, is it implied that Luann is trying to change Quill?

    MW: Grand Moff Tarkin does not like asparagus, Mary. Didn’t you read the imperial memo?

  134. Shrug, Speaking Softly and Carrying a Soggy Stick
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Comics line of the day that I will try to work into conversation (but fail):

    “I hope there are popsicle stick cops.”

    AGNES for the win.

  135. Government Cheese
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#131): I’m not tithing today. I left my wallet in the car.

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#119): A challenge?

    Tell me more, tell me more, ’bout that will-bending gas.
    Tell me more, tell me more, what’s its molecular mass?
    Tell my about its ions and salts,
    What are its virtues, what are its faults?
    Is the gas noble, like Neon and Argon?
    How much does it cost? I hope it’s a bargain!
    Hold back no detail, however slight,
    Its reaction to water? or infrared light?
    Do not be afraid that your words will be boring!
    I hang on your lips, my dear Dr. Lauren!

    // Next, please.

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @odinthor (#131): He was changed by Grace, and Surprised by Joy.

  138. Illustrator Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MT – (Mark places a call to Cherry and Doc): I wouldn’t give too much thought or concern to Rusty’s disapearance, Folks. He’s most likely hiding under a rock somewhere….as usual!

    (Doc): “NO! HE’S PROBABLY OUTSIDE!”

    (Cherry): “I’ll make PANCAKES!”

    (Mark): Sounds great, Cherry! Why don’t you give ranger Tom Martin a call to join us for dinner so we can catch up on things?”

    (Cherry): “He’s already here, Mark, and since he’s our ‘guest’ I have him seated at the head of the table where you used to sit.”

    (Mark): “WHERE will I sit?”

    (Cherry): “You can sit on a petrified PANCAKE for all I care, Mark. Now, GO FIND THAT DAMN KID OF OURS!!!!”

  139. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    I thought I won the lottery but it turned out to be Ripley’s!

    J&D FOODS from Seattle, makes bacon-scented shaving cream!

    Oh, queek! Are you paying attention?

  140. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#124): This is the perfect example of a Saturday strip.

    And yet, today is Friday. Is that your point, or are you in some time warp? If you are really posting from tomorrow, some stock tips or major league sports results would be helpful to those of us back here in the past.

  141. Shrug, Speaking Even Softlier
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#58):

    Four words. “Superglue in her toothpaste.”

  142. Shrugbeard
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#99):

    “And a fine pirate costume at that. I give it four “Arrrs.” ”

    On the other hand, nobody seems to like my pirate costume.

    It’s because I only have one Arrr, isn’t it?

  143. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    When Marvin goes bad!

    //I’m talking about his actions and attitude. Not the quality of the comic strip. The comic strip ship sailed years ago.

  144. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Shrugbeard (#142): You could change your name to “Sharararugbeard.” That sounds more piratey.

  145. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136):
    Make this easy as pie! No jargon!
    Is it inorganic, or a hydrocarbon?
    Its powers do sound terrific! Neat!
    What’s the adiabatic index? The specific heat?
    I want to touch it! I want to hold one!
    Are its velocities distributed like Maxwell-Boltzmann?

  146. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): & @seismic-2 (#145):

    Spider-Man poems.

    //So it’s come to this.

  147. Lu
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Margo (#85): Margo??!! Is that you? I’d be more inclined to take Greg’s word for what just happened there. So… what did you decided? I can’t wait until tomorrow to find out.

  148. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#145): …distributed like Maxwell-Boltzmann?

    Drat you to heck! Do you know how hard it is to clean mojito coffee out of a Faber-Castell slide rule? Pretty easy, you say, but what if it’s the 12.5 cm 67/54R model with the addiator on the back? Yeah, right!

  149. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#144): I think Shrugbeard is sincere in his desire to help his people.

  150. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#149): Well, dang. Let’s go fishing.

    //Not you, Rusty.

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#119): @Sequitur (#146): Clam down, Steve started it. He’s popular in the community.

  152. CanuckDownSouth
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#140): I think it means that if they do the static-plot strip on Friday, we’ll see the story regress tomorrow

  153. billman
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    BC – Not to mention that Foghorn Leghorn is a rooster. Chicken, that is. Not a turkey. I say, not a turkey son. What does chicken have to do with Thanksgiving (in March)? I suppose failure on every level could be considered comedy, of a sort.

  154. Steve
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151): If you go back one step, I think you’ll find the Kingpin started it with his allusion to the song “Summer Nights” from Grease.

  155. Sequitur
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151):

    Welcome to Clam Downs! Home of championship clam racing!

  156. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114): I liked today’s Zits. It struck me as what Brooke’s Edda/Amos strips are supposed to be, but usually aren’t.

  157. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#152): …if they do the static-plot strip on Friday, we’ll see the story regress tomorrow.

    Ooh! Can’t wait!

    // Regress for the people, Mortimer!

  158. Fritz Basset
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Fred Basset: http://www.gocomics.com/fredbasset/?utm_source=GoComics&utm_medium=free_email&utm_campaign=user_comic\

    The drunken lout Fred comes back to earth after a 3 day bender. Where’s the hair of the dog when you need it?

  159. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#154): Hah! Missed that.

    // Never give up your allusions, kid. Don’t be a cheap gunsel on the gooseberry lay! — Al “Camus” Hammett

  160. Oregonian
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    A3G – When they go to the airport, Margo and Greg will be handed a religious pamphlet from a chanting man in a peach robe who will, of course, turn out to be Eric.

    If this does not happen, I swear I will riot.

  161. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#155): Heh! Turbo! That beats the heck out of those barnacle sprints I’ve been wasting my time on. (Though I haven’t lost any money — so far.)

  162. Chip Whittle
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, it’s actually lucky for Elinor that Mary Worth mentioned she’d made an asparagus salad. Beth’s terrified expression tells it all: when Elinor meets someone she’s got a one in five chance of screaming out, “I don’t like asparagus!” and this time, it happened to be in an appropriate context.

  163. Marc
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G- Sooooo what ever happened to Margo’s now devoid ethnicity and personality parents?

  164. Doctor Handsome
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    How much you want to bet Kingpin uses this magical world-enslaving gas for some dumb elaborate plan to rig the lottery so he can lure Daredevil to an abandoned amusement park where there’s killer robots or something?

  165. Lay Down Puppy
    March 15th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#152): Excuse me, Mr. Murdock? There’s a missile out here. Says he had an appointment, but got stuck in traffic.

  166. odinthor
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#163):

    They went to look for Mr. Bakst in Charleston.

  167. Dale
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MARY WORTH

    “I hate asparagus! Just give me the cash equivalent.”

  168. Calico
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Has Dawn Weston put a curse on the cruise ship industry?

    @Dale (#167):
    Hey, angry lady, I’ll take your place for dinner!
    (I made mashed potatoes the other night and my gf was jumping at the bit to taste them – my Mom did that once too!)

  169. Inkwell
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Oh, come on. The only reason Peter stopped to remember the guy’s name was to pad that out for three panels. Because God forbid a superhero story should move fast.

  170. Calico
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#131):
    When will Dirk be on The 700 Club?

  171. Calico
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Drewbear (#12):
    I thought maybe Jeffy was nodding off because of his experimentation with Sizzurp.

  172. Horace Broon
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    DT: How long will it take before he runs out of meanings for jumble? “I’m an Australian biscuit!” “I’m a British TV series that ran for two years in the early nineties!” “I’m a scrambled word game!”

    FW: Why do I have the feeling the first draft had Pete being visited by Superman and Lois Lane? I mean, I’m not saying the umpteenth variation on “Lois doesn’t recognise Clark because he wears glasses, how dumb is she?” would be funny, but at least I’d see what it had to do with the characters.

    GT: Talk about mixed messages: “That was a great season, and it was all down to you! You didn’t need some peacock to win, as proven by the fact you saw it and lost anyway! And while you might have believed you were winning because of a magical animal, you surely can’t believe they won for the same reason! No, they won because they were better than you! Great game!”

    HtH: Hagar can’t deal with his wife’s occasional conviction that their one-room longhouse has stables. Who does she think she is, Abbey Spencer?

    RMMD: “I married this guy for his money without discussing whether we wanted the same things out of life. Now I’m contemplating the best way to kidnap Sarah.”

  173. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#148):

    Do you know how hard it is to clean mojito coffee out of a Faber-Castell slide rule?

    How Helen Clark’s brief career as a NASA engineer came to an end.

  174. Marco Polo Shirt
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Luann. So the lesson today is that a woman’s love can change an abusive, violent man. I”ll be sure to pass that down to my teenage daughters.

  175. Dennis Jimenez
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Marco Polo Shirt (#174): STELLLAAAHHH!!!

  176. EmarandZeb
    March 15th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Based on what we’ve discovered of Dagwood’s psychology here, I guess we can assume that in any sort of post-nuclear survival scenario, Dag will be one of the first to embrace hardcore religious fundamentalism as an explanation/coping mechanism. Or perhaps he shall abandon the old ways that failed to protect him, and become the high priest of a new pagan food cult; cannibal feasts will be held, in which sacrifices are devoured on big sandwiches.

  177. Calico
    March 15th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#172):
    Might you be referring to Ab Fab?
    “Wheels on fire…”

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    GT: Well, I think their good luck peacock was significantly better than the other team’s good luck pig. However, the other team’s players were much, much better, and there’s only so much a totem can do.

  179. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 15th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#173): Too obscure for me! Helen Clark, former Prime Minister of New Zealand? Helen Clark, old-time Broadway singer (Cup of Coffee, a Sandwich, and You)?

  180. seismic-2
    March 15th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179): Helen Clark, winner of the Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character award for 2010

    New meta-post is up now!

  181. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 15th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

  182. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 15th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#179): Helen Clark, a drunk old broad that once appeared in MW. Occasionally posts here as well.

  183. Jim in Wisc.
    March 15th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @EmarandZeb (#176):
    But the cult will tragically collapse the day they accidentally consume the only member capable of baking bread.

  184. Alison
    March 15th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: Remember how that other guy Mary was briefly dating (I forget his name) said he hated seafood, and Mary got all judgemental about it (surprise surprise) and then she didn’t see him anymore? Wonder if she’s as picky about asparagus? Also, I can’t believe she did not make salmon squares for her guests; I thought she was incapable of making anything except salmon squares, white lumps of vague nothingness, and cookies (I remember that last one only because she served them to Emily From Goleta and her parents when there was that arc in which they came to Charterstone and there was literally two weeks worth of them saying “You’re a hero, Mary Worth!” in various ways).

    “Luann”: See, Toni, it was your fault all along that Dirk had such a bad temper. Obviously, if a guy is abusive to a woman, it’s because she isn’t the right woman for him. Darn it all, Toni, if only you’d been a better girlfriend, Dirk and you could have had a baby and done yoga together and lead a blissful life! (Seriously…today’s strip is disgusting.)

  185. KreatureFeatures
    March 15th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#172): Gil Thorp is to coaching as Spiderman is to crimefighting.

  186. Mars
    March 15th, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Eating out of the litter box?? I’ve never heard of such a problem. Every cat I’ve ever known finds excrement as revolting as I do and promptly tries to bury it immediately after it’s laid.

    So this Parker fellow presumably had a cat that ate poop? Where else would he get the idea?

  187. SPG
    March 15th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    ASM

    Dr. Lauren: “Your scientists have created a gas that will bend people to your will.”

    Kingpin: “Tell me more about the gas my scientists created!”

    Dr. Lauren: “It makes people obey your every command!”

    Kingpin: “Tell me again about the obedience gas my science slaves have produced!”

    Dr. Lauren: “People exposed to it can’t disobey anything you say!”

    Kingpin: “I’d like to hear more about this mist of servitude my white-coated minions have discovered! …”

  188. ALee
    March 15th, 2013 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#186):

    In my experience it’s usually the dog in the household that finds the catbox to be something of a treat dispenser, if it’s not kept covered/out of the dog’s reach.

  189. Government Cheese
    March 15th, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think Elinor’s word bubble where she criticizes Mary’s fine cuisine should be wiped out re-written to something like “I have have polyps in my asshole!” or “My Depends just quit on me!”

  190. Government Cheese
    March 15th, 2013 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#184): On Luann – I still posit that Dirk is really not happy, as it was clear as day he popped a nut trying to tell Toni HOW HAPPY HE IS with Big Bird.

  191. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 15th, 2013 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Luann needs a new boyfriend. I nominate Grace’s brother, Dis.

  192. Jasper
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    MT- Forget about the fishing Mark, I think you need to check the woods on what is causing that bear to have such a deformed back leg.

    MW. – I don’t like asparagus either. Stupid selfish bitch Mary needs to shut her whore asparagus mouth.

    Oh, the humility and strain poor Beth is suffering.

  193. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#58): Well, Shannon’s not feeling well this week. Maybe that explains it.

  194. TheDiva
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#190): I think it’s the real deal, if only because Luann’s characters are rarely complex enough for anything deeper than surface emotion.

  195. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 15th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#186): It’s dogs that generally eat out of litter boxes. And yes, it’s every bit as disgusting as it sounds. (This is reason number one why I refuse to let a dog lick my face.)

  196. Sgt. Stoned
    March 15th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: Elinor doesn’t like asparagus. Who does? NOBODY!! Universal sympathy goes to the side of Elinor, the Great Withered Hope.

  197. Arabella
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Why all the hate on asparagus? You just need to fix it right. Grilled or roasted with olive oil, a little garlic. Delish, as Rachel Ray would say.
    Though it still makes your pee smell funny.

  198. Richard Steel
    March 17th, 2013 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    When is Josh going to learn that no joke that starts with “it’s funny because…..” IS EVER FUNNY!

  199. tymime
    March 17th, 2013 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    Blondie: So have an open face sandwich. Live with it.

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