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Also, put “your salmon is swimming upriver” on the list of phrases I wish didn’t sound sexual to me

Pluggers, 3/16/13

Cats are a species that are always suspect when it comes to Real American Authenticity, so naturally the cat-plugger tends to be an outsider in the world of pluggerdom. Speaking as a cat-type myself, I’m not sure what exactly this panel is all about — are there baseball cards that don’t come with bubble gum? are they “fake,” somehow? wouldn’t old cards sold at a garage sale have stopped smelling like bubble gum years ago, assuming they aren’t in their original wrapper? — but it’s fun to see how sad the cat-plugger is at having his wares rejected. Haha, cat-plugger, your attempt to sell off these tiny bits of your childhood and some of your furniture in order to stave off economic catastrophe has been met with only scorn! Why don’t you go back to gay communist France, with your bogus baseball cards?

Mother Goose and Grim, 3/16/13

One of the central schticks of Mother Goose and Grimm is that Grimm the dog and Attila the cat cordially despise each other, but even still, Grimmy isn’t a narc. He knows that snitches get stitches! (Or more stitches, in this case.)

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/16/13

Nearly eight years after Mary Worth threw down the gauntlet, Rex Morgan looks poised to be the first syndicated continuity strip to feature a graphic vomiting scene. Just in time for a large-format full-color Sunday strip, too!

Mary Worth, 3/16/13

You guys, I’m starting a new meekcore band called Beth Kinley, and the title of our first single will be “I’ll Just Have Regular Water (If It’s Not Too Much Trouble)”.

239 responses to “Also, put “your salmon is swimming upriver” on the list of phrases I wish didn’t sound sexual to me”

  1. KreatureFeatures
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Fear and Loathing in Mary’s Condo
    We were somewhere in Santa Royale, on the threshhold of a meddling biddy’s crib, when the drugs began to take hold.

  2. revenge4Aldo
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    A-3G Sweet! A Brigadoon cross-over.

  3. Ratiocinator
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Oh FFS, either have your damn heart attack or stop complaining. Reading about your ability or lack thereof to digest salmon is a poor substitute for the strippers we left behind earlier this month.

    9CL: Four Burber feet pushing their way out of the panel and into the real world! Somebody cut tem off before they cross completely!

    ASM: Spider sense lines! But it’s never been set off before when Peter was in danger, aside from that one time Daredevil sparred with him. I’m guessing that it’s completely defective in this strip and is just going off for no reason, which will likely be proven correct tomorrow.

    BG&SS: Hillbilly BDSM games, folks!

    FW: People, people, please! You’re all stupid! Now that that’s settled, let’s plod along to the next part of what’s sure to be a tiresome arc.

    JP: “No, I am NOT in any kind of trouble! I needed the money for a GOOD CAUSE, yes, and, um, I can’t tell you what it is right now, ask me again in a few hours. Yes, that should give me time to make something up and–oh crap, was that last part out loud?”

    Slylock: The dog’s getting rained on in all of them, and the poor little guy is expected to stay in place getting soaked while readers try to figure out which two of him are exactly alike? Somebody needs to call the SPCA immediately!

  4. Ed Anger
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    pluggers always seems to make Josh more angry than snarky…and why am I not surprised he’s a cat person?

  5. gleeb
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    3-G: Walking back through the marshes of midtown Manhattan…

    ‘shaft: Days of sepia flashbacks went into this, so let me just say, Go Gutman!

    ‘bean: Ho ho! Mopey Pete continues to trip over his own dick, giving the punchline in the first of two panels.

    Royal Canadian Mounted Abbey: “Of course we can put it off; it’s Saturday!”

    Phantom: No, I’m not ready. Can you wait until Monday? You can? Good.

    Dick: Oh, hey! He might be doing something illegal soon. Look out, Lore Sjoberg!

    Luann: Ha! Meeting her daughter’s basic needs is like emotional abuse!

    Spidey: I do hope we get to see Peter and Matt each with half a mask, side-by-side.

  6. anon
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Ugly old crone: “A glass of straight vinegar. And a bucket to spit my bile into.” Ugly beaten down younger one: “Nothing. I don’t deserve it. OK, maybe half a glass of lukewarm tap water.” God. Have there ever been more unattractive characters in a stupid boring comic strip?

  7. anon
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    cont’d. “Yeah, hot water and lemon, I’ve been constipated all day. It should kick in fairly soon, I’ll need a 4-pack of extra-soft quilted toilet paper in about 15 minutes.”

  8. Shran
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    @anon (#6): Oh, come on now, Mary can’t be that much younger than Elinor.

  9. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Packs of baseball cards stopped having gum in them around 1990 or so. Further proof that Pluggers, as usual, is at least 20 years behind the times.

  10. Buck Ripsnort
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    MW: Beth puts her foot down: “And none of that bottled stuff, Mary! LUKEWARM TAP WATER OR NOTHING!”

  11. Briane Pagel
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    “Hot water with lemon” should be an old-timey expletive:

    1890s businessman: “Hot water with lemon! Have you seen what Grover Cleveland proposes to do with the western terr’tories?”*

    *Note: I am unsure when Grover Cleveland was president, but 100% certain that in the 1890s, they didn’t have time to fully pronounce all the syllables of the longer words, because everyone died at age 19 of typhoid. Hence, “1890s Businessman” in this skit is actually only 17, but still owns three railroads and has had fourteen children. One of those children — true story! — will go on to smuggle parakeets into the United States from Costa Rica, a wildly unprofitable but very colorful past-time that will be memorialized in the little-known off-Broadway musical “Budgie, or Pants Full Of Parakeets.”

    Where was I, again?

  12. Chareth Cutestory
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: “Hmm, not too sure how authentic these baseball cards are… Shoeplenty Joe Jackson, Minnie Mantle, Tyberius Cobb… (sniff-sniff) No wait these are legit.”

    Mary Worth: Its not easy to draw an elderly bitchface in the middleground or background, so, even though Elinor looks like a Dick Tracy villain today, I’ll allow it.

  13. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Oh, snap! Elinor just dissed Mary’s culinary skills big time. She figured Mary couldn’t screw up hot water and lemon but couldn’t trust her with a tea bag.

    Fritzi, what happened is the proliferation of cable TV stations. Too much airtime, too little talent to fill it.

    Alternate Plugger Caption: Pluggerdogs don’t like trading cards that don’t smell like butt.

    If Dolly were my kid, I’d jump off a bridge onto a major roadway with lots of tractor-trailer traffic. What a maroon.

  14. Downpuppy, Sloooooowly
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Margo & Greg have joined the Blue People.

    Surely this means the time bubble has closed & A3G will vanish from our world?

  15. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#2): You’re right! It looked familiar but I just couldn’t place the mists.

  16. John C Fremont
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    MW – Elinor Kinley hates Asparagus, but she had to sit through it each time she went to see Eraserhead.

    Too bad I wasn’t here yesterday when this would have almost been relevant.

  17. casino LF
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Oh Jeez, between this and JP, can someone please try to think of a rich guy name that isn’t Avery?

    Luann: I didn’t want to be controlled like that anymore, because it looked like fun, so I found a weak-willed putz to control myself!

  18. Digger
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Poor Beth. As if she doesn’t get berated enough by her mother, even the door is scolding her for her simple drink request.

    Pluggers: whatever that card smelled like before, it’s going to smell like obese dog now. The value just keeps plummeting.

  19. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Josh: I don’t know if it’s your own coinage, but I love “meekcore“. Oddly, it’s not one of the fifty or so distinct genres of “heavy metal music” listed by Wikipedia, but I’m sure it will be, soon. // No, that’s not a threat.

  20. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Archie: Silly Moose! You will be one of the alumni, or, alternatively, an alumnus.

    // Moose: His name is Legion.

  21. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    A3G-They vanish in the mist never to be seen again.

    A3G 2-Tomorrow: Two Weeks Later…”Where’s Margo? I haven’t seen her since she and Greg vanished into that mist.”

    Spiderman-And maybe he knows a good doctor that can remove this Spiderman face.

    FC-Jump! Jump! Jump!

    Gil Thorp-The school is so small that they get the same guys to play all the sports.

    Gil Thorp 2-With baseball I get help fromThe Penguin.

    JP-I’m off to ride the good doctor.

    MT-Let me spend the next few days repeating the same thing in the hope that Rusty has been killed.

    MT 2-Meanwhile with the kidnappers. “Thanks for taking me fishing, guys. Mark always promises to take me fishing but never does.”

    MW-”Oh Beth that must be your love interest for this story at the door. Please be a dear and answer it.”

    MW 2-And don’t forget the slice of white bread for dipping.

  22. Ratiocinator
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @casino LF (#17):

    RMMD: Oh Jeez, between this and JP, can someone please try to think of a rich guy name that isn’t Avery?

    Ah, but there is a key difference! For you see, whereas Avery was the first name of the guy in Judge Parker, it is the last name of the guy in Rex Morgan!

    (Also, in Rex Morgan, Abbey is a dog, while in Judge Parker Abbey is a human. With boobs. The boobs must always be emphasized.)

  23. Ratiocinator
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#22): Seriously though, how many other names does Wilson recycle between these two strips? I’m pretty sure there are others that I’m forgetting just now.

  24. Old Folkie
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW: A swarm of killer bees has arrived outside Mary’s door!

    Sally: Ted continues breaking the fourth wall…

    A3G: The Blue Virus has infected Margo and Greg, and they will have to join the Background People who wander aimlessly the streets of NYC.

    MT: C’mon, Mark, we figured out this plot line a month ago – and now you’re just boring us.

  25. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#13): Fritzi, what happened is the proliferation of cable TV stations. Too much airtime, too little talent to fill it.

    And “Family Ties”, “The Facts of Life”, and “Eight is Enough” were the apogee of our civilization, eh, Fritzi?

    // Oh, “Charles in Charge”, are you so soon forgotten?

  26. John C Fremont
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @revenge4Aldo (#2): @Baka Gaijin (#15): I don’t know about Brigadoon, but they do say that once every hundred years, in that spot, Donny Most rises from the mist.

    (I’d have linked to that Family Guy clip, but the corporate thugs at Fox won’t allow it. Damn them and such.)

  27. jvwalt
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Hey, Trevor looks exactly like The Silver Surfer with a spray tan. Avengers to the rescue?

  28. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    What exactly are baseball cards, anyway? I mean, I’m aware that there’s a game called baseball, but where do cards come into it?

    Snarky replies welcome, but I’d appreciate some genuine information as well.

  29. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#19): It’s not. Rev? What a pity. I’d love to hear a duet featuring you and…oh, let’s say, Sequitur.

  30. MySpoonIsTooBig
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    9CL- I have no idea what’s going on in today’s strip, but I would just like to offer that we all take time to brace ourselves. We are most likely looking at a week of Hand Jive strips next week, and I want to make sure we’ve all had our shots.

  31. Ratiocinator
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#28): A baseball card features a picture of a baseball player on the front and information about that player on the back. Back in the day (but not any more, as Rip Houndstooth said), a pack of baseball cards came with a stick of bubblegum inside.

    I don’t know if kids bother with this today, but way back in the ’80s when I was a lad, you’d collect cards and trade them with other kids. Like if you had two cards with the same player on them (Reggie Jackson, for example), then you might give one of your Reggie Jackson cards to somebody who didn’t have a Reggie Jackson card, and in exchange that kid would give you a Roger Clemens card or something. Sometimes these trades would be fair, and other times not.

  32. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action (#9): Packs of baseball cards stopped having gum in them around 1990 or so. Further proof that Pluggers, as usual, is at least 20 years behind the times.

    Josh apparently didn’t know that the baseball card makers long ago gave up the pretense of selling gum. But Plugger dog evidently did. In the dog’s defense, clearly a card associated with gum would be older, and probably more valuable than a newer card. // And a card smelling of tobacco might be very valuable indeed! — Woldn’t it be great to sniff out a Honus Wagner?

  33. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MT – Am I seeing things or did that wierd Kiwi-looking-type-of bird just pluck a green person off of that cabin’s deck overlooking the water? If not then please explain to me WHAT exactly the bird is holding in it’s beak! …could it be RUSTY!?

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    A&J: ROFL! (fondling, caressing and gentle groping are still on the menu!)

    Doons: smart lad.

    Lio: dang. running with scissors.

    SBp: Best. Speed Bump. EVAR!!!!!

    Bizarro: guest-starring Mad-Eye Moody’s eye.

    RwO: GROAN!!!

    rMC: Ashley’s roomie is hawt.

  35. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . Twilight fans.

    STAKE THEM!!!

    STAKE THEM NOW!!!!

  36. Chip
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    MW: “Hot water with lemon!” Did she bring her own teabags? Or is she just going to drink a glass of hot water?

  37. Chyron HR
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#28): Obviously you run the Baseball Cards through the Baseball Scanner to activate your Baseball Monster’s attacks.

  38. seismic-2
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @casino LF (#17), @Ratiocinator (#22):
    [Smirn on] In JP, Avery catches trout. In RMMD, salmon catches Avery! [/Smirn off]
    It’s time for the revenge of Old Hearty!

    Also, no offense to Lothar Trevor, but when it comes to an exotic factotum / chef / flight attendant, my vote goes to Peaches!

  39. wossname
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Tophat and all the funny folks on the float!

    A3G – Ye gods, Evan was a much more devious and accomplished criminal than we realized! The pastel smoke from the bomb didn’t all dissipate; some of it hung around for days weeks months and dissolved Margo and Greg at their “Casablanca” moment. They’ll never pin this one on him! “This weird mist came rolling in and they just vanished, officer!”

  40. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    MW-That can’t be Opportunity at the door since it knocks it must be Romance.

    MW 2-Candygram.

    RMMD-After the past few days of June and her lover talking about what they will name their child we finally get back to the old man and see that he hasn’t died yet.

  41. BrutusJ
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Josh, I think Mary Worth is just trying to rub it in. “I’ll have WATER” “Oh WATER sounds great I’ll have WATER too! Aren’t you glad we have running WATER here? I can’t imagine what it would be like to live somewhere like Baltimore where they don’t have running WATER!”

  42. pugfuggly
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Plugger‘s wives keep them from buying useless crap at flea markets by using Jedi post-hypnotic suggestions. “These aren’t the cards I’m looking for….this isn’t the broken tablesaw I’m looking for….these aren’t the unmatched spare tire rims I’m looking for…”

    RMMD Every once in awhile I ask myself whether Rex Morgan takes place in an alternate reality where the Confederacy won the Civil War. This is one of those times.

    MW Uh-oh, looks like Mary forgot that she also invited an angry bee to dinner! Watch the sparks fly when Mother Kinley asks for honey in her hot water and then reveals she’s allergic to the pollen the bee brought….

  43. seismic-2
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#28), @Ratiocinator (#31): Apparently the collecting of baseball cards is now a hobby that is primarily the domain of middle-aged and older men. Kids now get all their statistics on baseball players from the Internet, rather from than the backs of baseball cards, when they put together their “fantasy” teams to play games against one another online.

    There’s a CBS report about the aging of crowds at baseball card collectors shows here.

  44. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#37): Does the Baseball Monster base its attacks on your base metabolic rate?

    @Ratiocinator (#31): Oh, OK. Thanks. I think there was something similar with cricket stickers when I was a kid, but not being interested in cricket, I never bothered.

  45. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MT-Expose them? But Mark there is no film in Rusty’s camera. You just took a chip from the camera and put it on your laptop.

    A3G-Margo and Greg turned into one of the many blue people that populate New York.

    Sally Forth-Ted, is it time for you to take one of your happy pills again?

    Archie-Moose will be thirty if he ever graduates from Riverdale.

  46. un malpaso
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MW: Beth had better specify “mild water with no flavoring whatsoever.” Otherwise, she might accidentally get something like cold mineral water with a touch of chlorine, which would upset her for a week.

    Also, I just wanted to say that the Pluggers contributor Rock Doddridge has the most awesome name I have heard since Rod Bassy.

  47. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD-What happened to Trevor’s eyes? There is an empty area where his eyes should be.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    a Danish for bb,u.

    Buddhadog, brainmush for bb,u.

    Poteet says, Deal with it.

    Otter taunts you again for a second time.

    potato.

  49. seismic-2
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: So tomorrow, will Margo wake up back in the (undamaged) apartment on Christmas morning with a terrible hangover, complaining about the dreams / DT hallucinations she had last night after that party with Ari and Greg? She dreamed there was a fire with ridiculous pink smoke, Ari and Greg were awake and fully dressed in the middle of the night and chopped down the door to save her, she was carried off to a hospital that somehow saved her like in spite of doing nothing for her other than to allow her to lie in bed and cough once in a while, her parents came to visit and Gabriella had miraculously transformed from Hispanic to WASP, Greg’s harnds were badly burned but immediately recovered so that he was discharged the next morning and has no scars, Evan was the one who had planted a bomb in her closet that triggered the fire, but no one ever knew why he did that, and then he immediately confessed to the crime, and no one ever knew why he did that either, and Martin Magee re-built the apartment building even though he has no ownership in it, and Lu Ann and Ruby came back, and now Greg is Margo’s boyfriend, and now he’s leaving for England, and now she’s waking up and the spirits did it all in one night! God bless us, every one!

    Oh, and Tommie was at the hospital too, and she was useless. That part, of course, was real.

  50. TheDiva
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MW: Beth is so modest and obliging (unlike her harridan mother who expects Mary to not only heat up her water, but add lemon to it!), which will make Mary’s “by the way, I just happened to invite over the lonely divorce from down the hall, I’m sure you’ll get along splendidly” gambit even easier to pull off.

    Pluggers: Back when my brother and I went through our baseball card phase, the “gum” was a joke, a brittle flavorless sliver of cardboard the color of an internal organ. Of course this was the 1980s so maybe the gum was better in the halcyon Plugger days, but it still doesn’t surprise me that Pluggers would idolize the suckiest part of an experience.

  51. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#29): @Nehemiah Scudder (#19): It’s not. Rev? What a pity. I’d love to hear a duet featuring you and…oh, let’s say, Sequitur.

    Sadly, our meekcore supergroup, “Non-invasive Procedure”, broke up years ago over the usual rock-n-roll issues: drugs (Sequitur prefers Tylenol, I’m an aspirin traditionalist), women (they always wanted food and stuff), and the pressures of fame (don’t ask! there’s a court order). Also, a mysterious series of minor illnesses plagued our harmonium players, causing them to leave the group after a short period: halitosis, ingrown toenails, male-pattern baldness, and that last guy, whats-his-name, who had awful dandruff.

    Still, I don’t hold grudges. If Seq is willing, I’m ready to tune up the old ukulele and give it another go. For the fans.

  52. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    MT – Looks like Mark has this whole cheating/kidnapping caper figured out. Now all Mark has to do is repeat his assumptions of the events over and over again in each day’s strip for the next month or more until Jackelrod finds the time to search through his clip-art files to begin another recycled Mark Trail adventure before his publisher’s deadline.

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Briane Pagel (#11): Fulgent! “Hot water with lemons!” is definitely in classic minced oath style.

  54. Little Blue Bicycle
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Beth: “I’ll just have regular water.”
    Door: “Buzz Buzz.”
    Alex Trebek: “I’m sorry Beth, that needs to be in the form of a question.”
    Door: “Ding!”
    Elinor: “What is my idiot daughter thinking now?”
    Alex Trebek: “That’s correct. Your turn.”
    Elinor: “Post-menopausal biddies for $200, Alex.”
    Sean Connery: “She means your mother, Trebek.”

  55. Majicou
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Plugs: Rock Doddridge! Splint Chesthair! Crunch Buttsteak! Big McLargeHuge!

  56. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    MW-”Hot water with lemon so I can throw it in the face of my ungrateful daughter.”

  57. Oregonian
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Who says that soap opera strips lack originality? Why, just today in Rex Morgan we’ve got a rich white guy named “Avery” sitting on his corporate jet, hearing that the flight is “two hours out,” and complaining in starkly personal terms about the stomach problems caused by the steward’s food. It’s been a full ten months since we saw that same thing in Judge Parker!

    Sadly, though, Trevor is no Peaches. Just sayin’.

  58. TheDiva
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    9CL: On the plus side, the prominent boatlike feet (courtesy of Brooke “look ma, I can do foreshortening” McEldowney) distract from the inane dialogue.

    A3G: So it’s like Inception or Black Swan, and it’s up to us to decide what parts of the story are illusion and what parts are reality?

    C’shaft: Nameless Tree Guy is my new favorite Crankshaft character. Hell, he’s my only favorite Crankshaft character.

    FW: Is there something in the Funkyverse water that makes everybody behave like assholes?

    Luann: It’s funny because Evans equates taking care of a child with an abusive relationship.

  59. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-”Do you have any of those naked lady playing cards? Let me sniff a few of those if you do.”

  60. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MT – “They must’ve caught Rusty getting pictures of Rod’s equipment and figured he would expose them!”

    “Yes, uh huh, yep, uh huh, hmmm! Um,Mark. I’d love to stay and continue listening to repeat the same story you have been recitin gto me for the past five days but my shift at UPS starts in an hour so I must leave to get to work on time.”

    “They must have caught Rusty getting pictures of Rod’s equipment, I tell ya!”

    “…just let yourself out when you’re through talking, Mark!”

  61. Walker of Dog
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MW: Elinor: “The lemon is to suck on, and the hot water is to pour down your back for offering me asparagus!”

    RMMD: What glorious Dingo-bait. Apparently Trevor and Mr. Avery came “out” to each other two hours ago off-panel (cowards), but for Mr. Avery the subsequent intimacies aren’t sitting well with him. But his usage of gay slang? Spot on.

  62. tbiggs
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    “I’ll just have regular water, BUZZ, BUZZ” would be a pretty good hook – in the meekcore genre, at least.

  63. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#26): I saw that episode yesterday!
    Donny Most, Donny Most,
    He was Ralph on Happy Days.
    Donny Most, Donny Most,
    Now he rises from the haze…

    @Illustrator Steve (#33): A disturbing detail I missed the first time around. No, it’s not Rusty; the bird would have spit him out with a big comical “Patoo!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#34) on Doonesbury: This strip should be part of every pre-marriage counseling. For the man.

  64. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Bwahaha, a fat dweeb with a goatee, just like…well, never mind that. He doesn’t stand a chance, the poor bastard.

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    meekcore.

    /)*(\

  66. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Just catching up on the last few days of comics, and so far, I’ve learned that Elinor Kinley hates asparagus (and let us not contemplate the possibility of her Asparagus Pee), Margo can’t bear the airport, and Mark Trail plans to prove that Rod Bassey is cheating—and oh by the way maybe rescue Rusty if time permits.

    Business as usual, in other words.

  67. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#48): I did just catch up with all the squee posts: yay!

  68. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#13): @Nehemiah Scudder (#25): Fritzi Ritz, whose jumblies outweigh the Jumbler, such lecture us on the coarsening of culture? Riiiight…

  69. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MT – “They must have caught Rusty getting pictures of Rod’s equipment and figured he would expose them!”

    “Mark, if Rusty took pictures of Rod’s EQUIPMENT to EXPOSE him wouldn’t those pictures be considered INDECENT EXPOSURE?”

    “…huh?”

  70. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#32):

    True, but perhaps that’s giving too much credit to Plugger Dog-man. He probably didn’t know that the gum was no longer included, and thus thought Plugger Cat-man to be some sort of small-time charlatan, selling phony merchandise. Too smart by half, Plugger Dog-man!

  71. Mibbitmaker
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Briane Pagel (#11): It will, indeed, be an interjection said by an elderly Heart (of the City). Now, it’s “hot chocolate!”; in her adult years, “scotch and soda!”; and elderly, of course, “hot water with lemon!”

  72. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Wasn’t meekcore created when “Every Rose Has a Thorn” came out?

  73. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#46) on Pluggers: With a name like that, he must be one of us, pseudonym and all. Fess up whoever you are!

    @seismic-2 (#49): When you put it that way, it sounds like a Dolly Keane story.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#51): The women. The burning question about the women is: Did any ask for just plain water?

    @Liam (#56): COTW contender! Add “talentless spinster” to the sentence to bring it to the top of the charts.

  74. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#72): and everything by Cinderella.

  75. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Arlo & Janis — If Janis slept NUDE, she wouldn’t have that problem. (No, but something else would definitely come up!)

    Incidentally, March 16 is Saint Urho’s Day, a holiday celebrated by our Finnish cousins to honor that country’s fictional patron saint. According to legend, Saint Urho rid Finland of FROGS. (And for some reason, Saint Urho is also Hank Hill’s favorite patron saint!)

  76. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58) on Funky Winkerbean: Runoff from Montoni Pizza’s Dumpster©.

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#68): Heh heh heh.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#75): The real question is whether we can pinch Janis on St. Urho’s Day.

  77. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#63): “I disturbing detail I miised the first time around.”

    Glad to be of help!
    *sigh* Yes, it’s my job around here to alert innocent readers to these types of easily overlooked details … and when it involves Jackelrod attempting to sneak a horribly violent image of a gigantic bird eating a green man into his daily strip and figuring no one will notice it, it’s called throwing PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY back in his face.

  78. Mibbitmaker
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @casino LF (#17): Woody Wilson probably fantasizes about the creator of Droopy marrying Murphy Brown’s mom.

    …And lucking into becoming trilionaires. The perfect storm.

  79. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#76): “such lecture” = “should lecture”

  80. I speak Jive
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – That second panel – wow. Now we know why characters are shown only from the waist up. Bolle needs a lot of practice.

    Dick Tracy – This story makes absolutely no sense, but I am loving the artwork. Nothing is happening, yet the panels are lively and full of interest. I especially love the drawing of Crypto.

    Crankshaft – Another example of Batiuk’s extensive research. Has he never experienced a storm with downed trees? I have never – ever- heard of a mature tree being saved after being uprooted like that – not to mention being pulled into place with a compact car.

    Pluggers – A more realistic take on this would be the plugger remembering how he clipped the original card to his bicycle wheel’s spokes so it made a noise when he rode.

  81. Mibbitmaker
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#78): Sure, I says, seems in order, I says. Might as well just skip the preview, I says. Then I see “trilionaire” as it moves onward. MY KINGDOM FOR AN EXTRA “L”!

  82. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#77): Um, yeah.

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#79): Um, yeah.

    @I speak Jive (#80) on Dick Tracy: Agreed. Crypto could be one of queek’s cuties.

  83. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action (#70): More importantly, if that “Plugger Cat Man” were to do well by selling everything in his yard sale would the neighborhood then refer to him as “Cat-Man-Do”?

  84. ReFlex76
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): Nice CYA use of “Evans” to mean either Greg or Karen.

  85. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#51): Ooomph-pah-pah, pah-pah.

    By the way, if you want a vocalist, I should warn you that even my dogs don’t like it when I sing.

  86. Cloudbuster
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    This the only other meekcore reference I could find on the whole interwebs!

  87. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: At least it’s not that creepy pink smoke…yet.[*]

    Silly Blondie: painting’s not a chore, it’s a project!

    Crock: Next to Roseanne Barr and Tom Whateverthehellhisnamewas, I can honestly say these two fat blobs are the last fat blobs I’d like to think about in the sack.

    Judge Parker: It must be nice to afford waiting a couple of hours to find out why your daughter jetted home to explain pissing away $10,000 a month. Oh hey, Abbey, are you riding Rafalca today?

    Mark Trail: Obligatory joke is obligatory: oh, they’ve exposed themselves, Mark, they’ve exposed themselves…

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Oh, hey! It’s Judge Whitey!

    Bah. Need to replenish the snark fund. Do you think I could get a grant from Neddy’s caddie’s chauffeur?

  88. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MT – I woke up in a cold sweat this morning thinking I was Mark Trail after it occured to me that I actually live NOT FAR FROM A NEARBY CITY IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE! I was relieved to find out that I am not Mark Trail since there were no sign of PANCAKES on the table, just some old bald guy sitting there yelling something about Rusty probably being outside!

  89. Sequitur
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#13):

    Alternate Plugger Caption: Pluggerdogs don’t like trading cards that don’t smell like butt.

    Okay. Now you’ve got me wondering. What trading cards do smell like butt? Does it involve Cowboys with assless chaps? Maybe the entire series of “clowns in action” cards?

  90. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#88): But Rusty isn’t PROBABLY OUTSIDE. He’s…just…behind you.

    You may faint with terror now.

  91. seismic-2
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: “As a light rain begins to fall, they vanish in the mist…” And thus it all ends.

    Starting Monday, watch this space for Apartment 5-D, a new strip about three exciting career women – Tommie, Lu Ann, and Ruby – as they cope with life in Manhattan. Now with art showing legs!!!!

  92. Cloudbuster
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Meekcore Paradise

    As I walk through the hallway outside of the gym
    I take a grip on my books cause they’ll be smackin’ them
    Cause I’ve been hidin’ and cringin’ so long
    That even my mama thinks that my balls are gone
    But I ain’t never got a wedgie when I didn’t deserve it
    Me fight back, man, you know that’s unheard of
    I better watch how I’m talking and where I’m gonna go
    Or my head might be swirling in a toilet bowl
    I really hate to trip, but their feet kick mine
    As I fall I see my reflection in the linoleum shine
    I’m the kinda geek the big bullies wanta noogie hard
    On my knees in the night saying prayers I don’t get hit hard

    Been spending most my life, living in a meekcore paradise
    Been spending most my life, living in a meekcore paradise
    Keep spending most my life, living in a meekcore paradise
    Keep spending most my life, living in a meekcore paradise

  93. Hart of Johnny
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    That Pluggers breakdown was pure comedy gold, Josh.

  94. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#89): I think you get ‘em at those stores with the flashing “X X X” signs. The “clowns in action” cards should smell of napalm.

  95. Mibbitmaker
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    MG&G: Ugh, a double Crankshaft!

    MW: Elinor is now easily the funniest character in comics. She a guaranteed huge laugh! Also, she’s really giving Aldo a run for his money as the best goofy MW character ever. I see revenge from the grave going after her before Mary and her friends.
    ~ She’s also what Ed Crankshaft should be, but isn’t.

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

  97. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    And today’s Spiderman poetry translation:

    I am now arrived at the address
    Of Matt Murdock, as I was told.
    Why I am here, I must confess,
    Eludes me, yet I must be bold.

    Who is this Murdock? Why am I here?
    What is the Daredevil to he?
    Why am I not at home drinking beer,
    And watching my big screen TV?

    // Next please.

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#85): That’s a shame! But perhaps the feeling is mutual.

    How are you at the theremin? It’s hard to find a good meekcore thereminist these days.

  99. commodorejohn
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Did I miss something? When did Apartment 3-G turn into The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway?

  100. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    A3G-Margo and Greg were lasting seen walking around in a circle in a vacant lot.

    Mother Goose and Grimm-At least the cat didn’t take off Grimm’s ear.

  101. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    MW-And I’ll have a single plum floating in perfume served in a man’s hat.

  102. But What Do I Know?
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#66): Don’t forget the Ghost Who Stands Around, who’s still waiting for the Two Dumb Heavies to stick their hands in the lion cage!

  103. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#73):

    That can be arranged.

    MW-”Hot water with lemon so I can throw it in the face of my ungrateful talentless spinster daughter.”

  104. lawn
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Anybody else think Trevor looks like Bizarro Obama?

  105. Calico
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#1):
    The Ether!
    Didn’t someone post that awesome passage from F & L about a week ago?
    Here’s a part of the grand Kilty Larkin’s funeral from the book “Trinity”:

    “Just outside, Donall MacDevitt, Finola’s cousin from the next village, passed around a bottle of ether to a group lifting weights and leaping a stone wall.
    In a matter of minutes they were tore out of their minds, staggering crazy and doubled up laughing like maniacs… “

  106. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @lawn (#104): Not enough hair. Now, if he looked like Barack and spoke like W., that would be Bizarro Obama.

  107. commodorejohn
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#106): I’d say more “Black Oscar Statuette” than anything else.

  108. bbofun
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MW-”I’m sorry, Beth, but, as the buzzer indicates, that was the wrong answer. The correct answer was “Scotch.” Scotch. Let’s move on to Round Two!”

    MW (2)- Do Elinor and Beth think they’re in a restaurant? “Remember, Beth- don’t order anything they’ll charge you for! I’ve got my tea bags and Crystal Lite packages in my purse! That’s where they make their money!” (I’ve actually run into people like that as a waiter- not with my car, unfortunately. Although it’s also true that some older folk do really like their hot tea with lemon.)

    A3G- “As a light rain begins to fall,they vanish into the mist…” Too bad it would be impossible for us to go with them. Damn these old-timey comics with their fixed camera positions!

    A3G (2)- With the sudden shifts forward in time, the bringing back of old characters (although played by new actors), and this poetic moment- is Apt. 3G ending? Or getting a new creative team? Because that’s what this feels like.

    A3G (3)-”As a light rain begins to fall,they vanish into the mist…” and felt themselves transforming, becoming unimportant- just some of the blue people who always seemed to be behind them (“Beneath me,” thought Margo, as her sense of entitlement left her). all was peaceful as they began their new lives of anonymity…

    “NO!” Margo roared, “THIS SHALL NOT PASS!” She remembered when the blue people had laughed at her, stared at her- she would not become one of them! “Greg! We have to get out of this mist! You’re the next James Bond, for God’s sake! Run! RUN!”

    “No, Margo- don’t you see- this is where I belong- comfortable anonymity. I was never going to be a good James Bond- I’m far too bland. Hell, that would probably be the headline in the New York Times review. You go, Margo- and have a dramatic life.”

    She never saw him again. Which was just fine. It was really time for a LuAnne story, anyway.

    ASM- Man, this is an even better Saturday strip than yesterday’s!

    9CL- So, Edda’s “dating” Sven “vicariously?” Okay. So, what does she imagine? Not how handsome he looks, or how strong his arms are, or how attentive he is- no, just how turned-on and uncomfortable the sight of an attractive woman makes him. Yep- she’s a Burber!

  109. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#83):

    Yes…as opposed to “Dog Man Do”, something nobody wants to step in.

  110. Droopy Says
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail had better call he cops before Rod Bassy does–oops, too late. Bassy is at the local ER, giving the facts to a doctor and a cop: “This kid broke into our van, and when Catfish caught him, the kid turned hysterical. It looked like he was having a seizure so Catfish restrained him. That’s how we handle it in the Eisenhower era, right? But then Catfish realized the kid was spying on us, because he threw away his camera. And it turns out this kid belongs to Mark Trail, an outdoors writer who’s been hounding me with suspicions that I win fishing tournaments by cheating.

    “No, officer, I don’t cheat. Catfish and I gave put a lot of R&D work into my lures. Catfish goes scuba diving to observe how fish respond to different lures, and as you can see by the fish stored in my van, we regularly catch the largest fish you’ll ever see. Now why don’t you check on the Trail character? Aside from trying to destroy my career, he’s contributing to the delinquency of a minor by having Rusty spy on me. I’m pretty sure Trail abuses the kid, too, and I’ll bet that callous douchebag hasn’t even reported the kid’s disappearance yet!”

  111. Lenoxus
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    According t @Cloudbuster (#86): That blog’s tagline claims “Short random thoughts and an occasional story,” but this appears to be a LIE, because there is but a single entry. Kind of appropriately meek, actually.

  112. off-model
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Someday, Abigail “Tommie” Thompson and Beth Kinley will star in the most boring slash fic ever.

  113. Calico
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    RM – I’ve never heard of needing to throw up described quite like this.
    I hope the assistant knows CPR, ’cause old Milton is in the early throes of an MI.

  114. ralph
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    RM: I wasn’t aware Michael Jordan had fallen upon hard times. Also it is a sort of whiplash to tell the help that their food made you ill, but, aside from that, it was delicious.
    Pluggers: The dog is behaving as a collector should–he is determining whether the item is genuine or a cheap reprint.
    9CL: If the cartoonist is really a guy he is making a lot of presumptions about women, but then both of his comics seem to center upon dubious presumptions about women. At least the women in 9CL are interesting, however annoying. The less said about his men, the better. The less said about his other strip, the better also.
    Dennis: There is an iron law that in this strip, among little girls, only Margaret can have red hair. It is jarring to see it on someone who is definitely not Margaret. In a painting this discord would add visual interest, but in a cartoon it’s just distracting.
    MW: What dreadful people. Of course that applies to the whole strip. The central theme of MW seems to be that no matter how utterly pathetic you are, there’s another pathetic person searching for you that will make everything all right. This is not generally validated in real life. But then, what in the comics is? Perhaps the sickly distraught young man will fall for the disagreeable old woman, thus making the typical MW reader very happy indeed. (I trust that the followers of this blog account for all readers of MW who are not women over 70.)

  115. Calico
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    3G – The final panel reminds me of the end of the film “The Unbearable Lightness of Being.”

    JP – “I met a nice Dr. from Nigeria.”
    or
    “I gave it all to Cedric the Butler.”
    And/or
    “I dropped out/was suspended from school.”
    (I’ve heard University in France is damned tough, albeit free if you can pass the entrance tests)

  116. Calico
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @ralph (#114):
    Oh Jesus – a “Harold and Maude” remake?

  117. Dale
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#110):

    MARK TRAIL

    That really explains the entire situation. Much more plausible than what’s going to happen.

  118. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Get the third question wrong, Beth, and control of the board will go over to the Weston family.”

  119. Marco Polo Shirt
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    I see that Luann has borrowerd the Duncans’ glass/bowl ware–the ones with the Charlie Brown zig-zag.

  120. Horace Broon
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    DT: The Reeve is wearing dark glasses, a namebadge, and a beret identical to the Jumbler’s, so it’s not like he could pass unnoticed as a Prince Valiant background character either.

    FW: Once again, is there any actual reason for this to be Flash Gordon and Dale Arden? Does Batuik have anything to say about Flash Gordon and Dale Arden? Is there anything about this week of nonsense that even indicates he knows who Flash Gordon and Dale Arden are, beyond “comic strip characters with a spaceship”? The answer to all these questions is “No.” .

    GT: Cue canned laughter, freeze frame, and roll credits.

    JP: “Your doctor friend is soliciting money for a good cause. You say the money missing from your account went to a good cause. There has to be a connection here, but what?”

    S4th: Ted No Forth Wall.

  121. Cloudbuster
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#96): Well, to be fair, this guy also had something to do with it!

  122. Cloudbuster
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#111): Someone probably said “Stop that!” … so he did. It’s the meek way.

  123. debussy fields
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    MW– We all know that something is going to happen to change the old witch into a smiling, grateful now-fully-understood and lovely human being. The only question is, when? Will this be one of those Mary Worth plots that’s inexplicably over before you know it? Or will it be one of those that drags on for an eternity? I’m going with the latter and predict that Elinor will smile on May 26. And just to be clear, I mean May 26, 2013.

  124. Chyron HR
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#107): “Something’s changed! That’s not your face… it’s mine! And Evan’s, and Paul’s, and Eric’s…”

  125. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-”No, that doesn’t do anything for me. Do you have anything stronger that I sniff to get me high?”

  126. Oregonian
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    “BUZZ BUZZ” went Mary Worth’s doorknob. Outside stood a disheveled man in a dirty bathrobe. “More soup, please” he started to say as the door swung open. But then he stopped. Through the open doorway, he could see her – a plain, simple girl drinking a plain, simple glass of water – and his heart melted away like a salmon square on the tongue. All his life he had yearned to meet a girl with the personality of Wonder Bread. Now the fantasy was coming true…

  127. Majicou
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Crank: “He saved this tree when no one else would give it a chance. Also, what he did was essentially impossible, which I think makes him some kind of wizard. Don’t piss him off.”

    // I know, properly he’d be a druid.

    JP: “Don’t worry, Abbey, I’ll tell you all about it after your riding acc–uh, ACTIVITY. Riding activity. Yeah.”

    Luann: I guess Evans just forgot that Shannon was supposed to be violently ill. “Shannon, that’s the little brat, right? I’ll just write her being bratty.”

    Nancy: Comparing shitty apples to shitty oranges. It’s fun!

    SpBp: That’s animal cruelty. I demand you release the kraken!

    SF: “Bookcase, Sal? There’s no bookcase. There’s not even a wall there. No fourth wall… no fourth wall…”

    @Liam (#59): Redundant. Everything the cat-man owns already smells like pussy.

  128. Majicou
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#120): [FW] Of course there’s a reason. It’s called “King Features Syndicate.”

  129. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#121): details, details.

    don’t bother me with details!

    ;-)

  130. Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#98): I tried to come up with a pun for an answer but couldn’t.

    But then it’s almost midnight.

  131. Calico
    March 16th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#120):
    Yes, Ted is breaking (maybe actually cracking up for that matter) the 4th wall, and Hil’s Kitty Cat did the same thing last week.

    @debussy fields (#123): The space/time continuum continues to baffle in Mary Worth’s world.
    I would never do this to a real human being, but if Mary spiked that hot water with lemon with a little Jerry Juice, things could change in the most interesting of ways.

  132. BigTed
    March 16th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    The plugger cat is also selling a birdhouse and a stuffed-animal dog. So, essentially, he’s giving up his only remaining way of feeding himself, and getting rejected by a giant, living version of his cherished childhood toy while he does it.

  133. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues-There is a light at the end of the tunnel and she wants you to turn it on.

    Grand Avenue-And by batteries they mean the grandmother’s pacemaker.

    Marmaduke-It is corn beef and cabbage or try and lure an Irishman to your house so Marmaduke can eat him.

  134. Anondod
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Hot water with lemon!” Elinor replies while pointing to Beth’s lemon-yellow blouse, chosen specifically to remove any ambiguities about what type of citrus fruit to use for flavor.

  135. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    MT-I love where Mark’s priorities are. Cheating in a fishing tournament is terrible and Rod must be stopped but kidnapping Rusty who cares.

  136. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    MW-Elinor will get a glass colored piss yellow and Beth will get a glass colored blue.

  137. Peanut Gallery
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#33): It’s the Jolly Green Giant. Those birds are even more monstrously huge than we first thought.

  138. Ratiocinator
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead The Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#44): It so happens that I’ve been reading Peanuts starting from the beginning (having finally gotten around to it after all these years), buying the collections and working my way up to 1964. And just earlier this week, I read this strip, with Charlie Brown trying to make a baseball card trade with Lucy:

    http://www.oldbaseball.com/funstuff/peanuts.jpg

    That last panel is just horrifying to anybody who collected baseball cards and later made money (in some cases, lots of money) selling them, btw.

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers expect the smell of bubble gum to endure through twenty years in a junk drawer, which is a lot to ask for the seventy-five cents tops (Topps?) they’re willing to shell out.

    RMMD: Everybody in Avery’s employ has to follow his example and get their eyes removed. He was dedicated enough to his business to do it, and his wife is way hotter than yours.

    MW: “Mother says I haven’t earned the right to lemon yet. What does citrus taste like? No, don’t tell me, it will only be a torment.”

    Doonz: In a strip where everybody looks like Pinocchio on a fibbing bender, it never occurred to me to single out anyone’s nose.

    MT: Pity the poor voyeur whose set Google alerts to “rod”, “equipment” and “expose.” Gonna be mighty disappointed.

    Crankshaft: Unless Crankshaft has the power of healing touch—which would be highly ironic or something—I don’t buy that Tree X is still alive to begin with.

    9CL: Welcome to Edda’s world, where getting laid is easy but getting a life is apparently impossible.

    HtH: Hagar won’t have much of a story when he reaches Valhalla, but no one will really be listening in the first place.

    GT: It’s also a horse of a different color, which means the next “reincarnated loved one” story arc will involve a trip to Abbey Spencer’s ranch.

    DtM: The redhead hanging out with Dennis today lacks a certain something. I hope the contract dispute with Margaret doesn’t drag on too long.

    SSmith: Kind of a puzzle how they keep the ribbon on the dog’s head when mange has taken so much of its fur. Hopefully it’s epoxy and not staples.

    H&J: “Unless and until you choke the life out of it. Seriously, Herb, her tongue is turning blue now.” Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

    A3G: And by “I couldn’t bear it,” Margo means that she really can’t miss that appointment at the nail salon.

  140. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#138): I remember seeing those in my dad’s old Peanuts paperbacks. It’s the archetpical view of both Charlie Brown and Lucy.

  141. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-”Now how about droids? I’m looking for a tall golden droid and a short cylindrical droid.”

  142. Ratiocinator
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#65): I dunno, Fluttershy looks like she can actually rock pretty hard.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#74): @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#72): Way to crap on two of my guilty pleasures, guys. :(

  143. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#120): I’d say that at least Batiuk is proving that he can draw Flash Gordon and Dale Arden, were it not for a creeping suspicion that he outsourced the work to John Byrne or some intern thereof.

  144. Inkwell
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    I’m just going to pretend the buzzing at Mary’s door is the sound of the impending chainsaw. It’s now or never for Beth to learn to be badass.

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): Re A3G: Look at the smoke. Margo is still in the burning building.

  146. Alison
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: I find it amusing that Elinor’s incredibly angry face indicates everything she says is supposed to be horrible and rude, even though a lot of what she says is pretty normal-sounding.

    I’m sure that’s Tom Harpman at the door, but I wish it was Dawn Weston instead! I need proof she and Beth Kinley aren’t the same person!

  147. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#80):

    Crankshaft – Another example of Batiuk’s extensive research. Has he never experienced a storm with downed trees? I have never – ever- heard of a mature tree being saved after being uprooted like that – not to mention being pulled into place with a compact car.

    That’s because it never happened. Pam is just making up a heroic story to try to appeal to the tree service employee’s sentimental nature. In other words, she’s lying to get what she wants, something she learned from her old man. Unfortunately for her, she also is as dim-witted as he is and can’t manage a credible story.

  148. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 16th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#19): “Meekcore” sounds more like it would be a punk/alt-rock subgenre.

  149. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    MW-Beth, you’ll get nothing. Mary didn’t ask you what you wanted.

  150. yaoi huntress earth
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: I’m starting to think that Edda is no longer in love with Amos or at least falling out of love and that’s why she pines for Seth and is trying to live through Sven’s date.

  151. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    MW What’s with the hot water and lemon? Is that an old lady thing?

  152. Ratiocinator
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#151): I know that some restaurants garnish glasses of water with a lemon wedge, but as for hot water and lemon…nope, can’t say I’ve ever drank or seen anybody drink that.

  153. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Hot water with lemon. I’ve got to douche pretty bad.”

  154. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#126): Salmon squares don’t melt on the tongue unless your mouth is a kiln.

    @Liam (#135): Honestly, it’s Rusty. It’s like Timmy falling into wells on Lassie; it happens so often it’s like, whatevs.

    // Yes, I know Timmy never fell into a well. I don’t create the memes, I just repeat them.

  155. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#154):

    It just bothers me that Mark rescued Rusty from an abusive father and then continually neglects the child.

  156. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#152):

    I know that some restaurants garnish glasses of water with a lemon wedge, but as for hot water and lemon…nope, can’t say I’ve ever drank or seen anybody drink that.

    Maybe it’s an emetic. Something tells me we haven’t seen the breadth of Mother Kinley’s charm.

  157. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    MW Hot water and lemon, but no tea bag. Elinor Kinley knows nothing about tea bags in real life. But that’s about to change. Because Tom Harpman’s at the door, ready to show ‘em what tea bagging’s all about.

  158. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#151): @Ratiocinator (#152): Hot water and lemon is the kind of thing you might drink if you had a sore throat or were fighting off a cold. Some would take the edge off by pouring in some honey as well, but obviously Elinor Kinley is a different breed.

  159. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

  160. Uncle Lumpy
    March 16th, 2013 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    I’ll just have regular water
    If it’s not too much trouble.
    Don’t need no slice of lemon –
    Don’t need no tiny bubble.

    Don’t need no microwavin’
    Room temp is fine for me
    Don’t need it hot with lemon
    Don’t want your herbal tea.

    Don’t need no Pelligrino
    Don’t need no Perrier
    Don’t add no maraschino
    Plain water is okay.

    Don’t need no drink umbrella
    And I don’t want no straw.
    I ain’t no Cinderella –
    I take my water raw.

    If you don’t have the glassware
    I’ll slurp it from the tap
    Don’t get me nothin’ fancy
    ‘Cause I don’t need that crap.

    I’ll lap it from a puddle
    Or suck it from your drain
    And if that’s too much trouble
    I’ll stand out in the rain.

    A lady needs her water
    To keep her insides wet
    But this dessicated daughter
    Will take what she can get.

  161. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#151): It’s a crabby old lady with a yeast infection thing. All I’ll say is that she’s not drinking the lemon water.

  162. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 16th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#y13):

    “Mark Trail: yesterday I wrote that Mark has no heart.”

    Mark has no BRAIN!

  163. hibbleton
    March 16th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#156): re hot water and lemon.

    I know of its use as a mild laxative, at least around here.

    Actually, Elinor is a passive-aggressive genius. She’ll be ready to “unload” just about when dinner is served.

  164. Sgt. Stoned
    March 16th, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Regular water. Shaken, not stirred.”

  165. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 16th, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

  166. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#160): Too long since we’ve seen your verse-fu, O Lumpy One! Refulgent!

  167. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 16th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    I made a loldog that applies to bb,u, but it helps to know the phrase from Avatar.

  168. demoncat
    March 16th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    mw a glass of plain water is beths code for what ever strong booze mary has in stock to help her get through diner with elinor her mother dearest. as looks like their trio maybe have another diner guest.or mary mussle to make elinor start behaving.

  169. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#146): I find it amusing that Elinor’s incredibly angry face indicates everything she says is supposed to be horrible and rude, even though a lot of what she says is pretty normal-sounding.

    An excellent point. Had she smiled, and added “bless your heart!”, like a proper Southern gentlewoman, everyone would think her refreshingly candid and charming.

  170. Master Softheart
    March 16th, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    SF: Sal, Ted is just having one of his episodes; you know the doctor said that the ones where he thinks he lives in a comic strip are among the least dangerous. Just keep him away from sharp objects so he doesn’t try to “cut out through the fourth wall” and he’ll be fine in a few minutes. Remember this the next time you shock him with unsettling news like your sister reproducing.

    MW: Actually, my mother and grandmother both order hot water with lemon at restaurants – they like hot drinks and caffeine can unsettle their digestion or lead to sleeplessness. Neither one of them, of course, would treat Mary like waitstaff if they were invited over. Elinor should be careful, though – if provoked Mary might record her making disparaging comments about “the 47%” and ruin her chances at higher office.

    FW: Set aside for a moment the fact that Mopey Pete (sadly but perhaps revealingly, I honestly have no idea whether that is a Mudgeonism or his actual, in-strip name) is a typical Batiuk character defined by tension between the poles of smugness, self-loathing, and poisonous despair. The last few strips have had no cancer, nihilism, or ludicrously implausible misfortune. They have featured a decent visual homage to Flash Gordon, identifiable jokes following a storyline, and have spared us the most unlikable of the main characters (Funky himself really is, for me, the Thorax of this strip). I think we should be as encouraging as possible.

    Doonesbury: Because Trudeau is a master of his craft, he can actually manage to include a paragon character like Toggle – a figure almost without character flaw or personal failure – without it being grating, condescending, or annoying. Possibly a big part of this is because the character is used sparingly and is specifically assigned the task of highlighting the endless and annoying flaws in the now almost titular (no pregnancy comments, please) Ms. Doonesbury. Other artists who might reflect on this can be left to the imagination of the reader.

    JP: If Neddy is intent on blowing her fortune helping provide medical services in Africa and is not being conned by unscrupulous grifters, if in fact this does not turn out to be an extended object lesson that will teach Neddy to hoard her money, trust no one, turn her back on human charity and social responsibility, and cultivate something approaching Sam’s dead-eyed, alcohol-numbed condescension toward the impoverished masses, I will write Woody Wilson the second fan letter of my comics-reading life.

    Phantom: Come on, at this point the Ghost Who Filibusters Until The Sunday Break is just phoning it in. Make with the superheroism, Kit! You got hit over the head by some interchangeable mook and are spending a meandering week of slow-pitch internal monolog dealing with random wild animals in front of an audience – do you want people to think you’re stealing plot ideas from Spider-Man?

    is Spider-Man is you’re just filibustering until

  171. hogenmogen
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Three panels, no eyeballs.

  172. Uncle Lumpy
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#170):

    (Funky himself really is, for me, the Thorax of this strip)

    Nay, he is its Abdomen.

  173. hogenmogen
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Plugger: What’s this? Babe someone? This Robinson fellow looks familiar. Wish I brought my glasses. I forgot my memory pills, you know. Get it? Mem- oh forget it, Kitty, you’re not a plugger, you’d never understand. Anyway, your card collection says “mint” condition, but it doesn’t smell like mints. Or bubble gum. Forget it, I’ll keep my five bucks and thank the Lord for my pluggeristic mentality.

  174. Master Softheart
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#172): Sometimes I like to lead with a slowball right across the plate to see who’ll swing at it. To be honest, Funky would have to become considerably more endearing and useful to even qualify as a Malpighian tubule.

  175. Another Kiwi
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    “Your salmon is swimming upstream”
    “WTF, old man, I didn’t give you salmon. You got Peanut butter and Jello as per MFing normal!”
    “Well it was sort of slithering and I’ve got no eyes so I just ate it”
    “There’s MFing snakes on this MFing plane!! I’ve got no eyes and I’ll never find them!!”

  176. Illustrator Steve
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#110):
    MARK TRAIL

    That’s how the story should end but unfortunately in the Trailverse Mark will probably end up taking the doctor and cop fishing!

  177. I speak Jive
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#147): And the tree guy is either not buying it or doesn’t give a shit. I have to admit that it is gratifying to see him firing up the chainsaw.

  178. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @MySpoonIsTooBig (#30): I am sad to say that what’s going on is two women (a mother and daughter no less) perving out imagining what’s happening to another woman sexually.

  179. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 16th, 2013 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think Beth is actually being slyly passive-aggressive here. Her use of “I’ll just have regular water” instead of “I’ll just have water” is a subtle dig at her mother’s bossy request.

  180. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Your salmon is swimming upstream.” “I’m sorry, sir, but I was busy with one of the stewardesses.”

  181. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#159): Lemon or bourbon. Or brandy. Or a mixture of the first with either of the others. Really there are no wrong answers here.
    @Another Kiwi (#175): A “Snakes on a Plane” sequel adapted from Sophocles? Color me intrigued!

  182. ralph
    March 16th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: I haven’t read this for decades, and I guess I haven’t missed anything. Above post prompted me to take a look. The story itself was of no interest. I went back to the Sunday strip and found the political Trudeau I remember so well: vicious, lying and ignorant. And the reader comments were as bad. This Sunday page was worthy of Oliphant at his most vicious, and that’s saying something.
    I think I heard years (decades?) ago that Trudeau was one of those guys who did rough sketches and turned everything else over to underlings. Lots of people apparently do that. In fact Hank Ketcham, one of my favorites, reached the point of merely approving ideas for cartoons, though the finished product had to have his approval. I suspect that all those old rejected cartoons have seen print since his death.
    Baby Blues: Normally when cartoon parents reflect on the children being absent or asleep, it’s a lead in for the man suggesting sex. Which is then rebuffed. What Wanda is talking about is open to question. She seems to be imagining a lightening of the parenting load, and that’s not gonna happen for almost twenty years. Assuming they don’t have any more. Given the relationship of these two, I often imagine that the children are adopted, or at best the result of three drunken encounters, not necessarily with Darryl.
    Zits: Jeremy? “grow up a little and find a good job”? Don’t bother to do anything with his room after he goes off to college. He’ll be back.
    Lola: And here I thought the limits of bad taste on the comic page had been reached by one of the animals in Mother Goose licking its genitals.
    Dilbert: Love it. I have said similar things myself at work.

  183. Droopy Says
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#120): I think Batyech is paying tribute to the Eighties cartoon series “Flash Gordon.” The one where Flash was a Peter-Parker slacker who couldn’t get involved, Dr. Zarkoff was famed for maintaining the sound system at Woodstock, and I sprained my finger turning off the TV at that point.

  184. Droopy Says
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#176): But before they go fishing, Trail will wait until CPS has Rusty in protective custody.

  185. PriceCheck
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Pluggers is a pretty good representation of how Pluggers are an old, washed out group desperately clinging to outdated trends and endlessly longing for something that doesn’t exist anymore.

  186. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers… wouldn’t know a rare T206 Honus Wagner CIGARETTE baseball card if it jumped up and bit them on the ass.

  187. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 16th, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @PriceCheck (#185): So Batiuk and McEldowney are Pluggers, then? This would explain some things.

  188. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke

    It’s a little known fact that Saint Marmuduke’s flatulence drove all of the snakes out of Ireland — and all of the frogs out of Finland!

  189. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#182): Doonesbury: I haven’t read this for decades…

    There are reasons we don’t generally comment on the political strips here – or when a strip goes political, as Doones often (but not always) does — Here’s one of them.

  190. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    apt. 3G:

    What was that all about? They “vanish in the mists”?

    Not into the mists… they just disappear…like…like…oh. muh. gerd!

    They’s ghosteses?

    They died in the fire, didn’t they?

    No wonder Christmas took forever….they’ve been dead for months!

    Rosary Beads, where are you when I need to read a manual on how to use you!!!???!!!

  191. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Just found out belatedly that I made it on the float yesterday — a first for yours truly. Hmmm… I guess even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

  192. Salamence
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: I didn’t think anything could top an arc where Rex randomly becomes a local celebrity, has strippers fighting over him, and gets his eyeball burned out, but the upcoming zombie apocalypse looks very promising indeed. First Heather became a zombie, and now Trevor. Since Mr. Avery has nowhere to run on that plane, I predict that he’ll be joining their ranks shortly.

    Jumble: The zombies are armed!

    Mary Worth: And now they’re at Mary’s door! On the plus side, when Mary and friends get zombified, nobody will miss them.

  193. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    112. 112. off-model

    Someday, Abigail “Tommie”
    Thompson and Beth Kinley will star
    in the most boring slash fic ever.”

    Make that “slasher” and I’ll be fine with it.

    Ratiocinator:

    I always found “Peanuts” depressing. Even as a kid. Maybe because identified with Charlie Brown a little too much. These days, what with my problems with recurrent clinical depression, it’s a strip I prefer to avoid.

  194. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing, Spectacular, Phenomenally Stupid, Spider-Man:

    Point A: Not even in the office of Matt Murdock
    Point B: Just entered the Building

    The Point: Cut the chase!

  195. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth:

    I’m sorry to say this but that blouse makes Mary look like her head was pasted on a plumper Tibetan Monk’s body.

    Well, at least the body appears to still be at peace with it’s pasted-on head. Amazing, if you think about it.
    Will power is what that would take. How does the hand resist the urge to meddle? Sounds kind of hellish but having an ample amount of patience–and that girth seems to be chock full of ohm– so that the hands don’t become the Meddler’s playthings is paramount.

    Whew!

  196. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#190): Margaret Shulock’s use of “vanish in the mists” makes me think of the late naturalist Dian Fossey and the 1988 film about her life:

    http://www.pastposters.com/cw3/assets/product_full/%28JamieF%29__GorillasInTheMist%281%29.jpg

    It could be Shulock’s way of saying Margo is the “gorilla” (girl of) Greg’s dreams.

  197. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Jumpin’ Jiminy Jehosephat Jones!

    Mark Trail. Mark “Play Fisty For Me” Trail is consumed with the thought that Rod Bassy and Catfish the Bald Wonder might be worried that Rusty–wee widdle Wusty–might expose them!

    Twist that twisted thought around, Apathetic Daddio! Worry about The Dynamic Fish Hookers doing unconscionable things to Rusty!

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#162):

    Oh yeah! That’s right.
    Mark is The Scarecrow.
    Cherry’s The TinMan, er…uh…MetallicPerson
    and, Doc’s The Cowardly Lion, who just doesn’t get involved at all.

    That would make Rusty: Dorobot; and, Andy Dog and Spotted Mutt Hound some sort of a failed, two-stage experiment to recreate the picnic-basket-sized Toto.

  198. Baka Gaijin
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#190): Last line, COTW contender!

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#193): I hope your discovery of this site has helped keep your lows from getting too low. I know it’s always a pick-me-up after a bad day.

  199. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#196):

    Margo is the “gorilla” (girl of) Greg’s dreams.”

    I’d read that poem!
    I’d listen to that song!
    I’d watch that video!

  200. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#191): even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

    You were right TWICE in one day? Luxury! When I was your age I was lucky to be right twice in a year!

    // But when you tell kids that…

  201. seismic-2
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Don’t turn up your nose (literally) at that card, Plugger Dog. It’s a 1957 Mickey-Yogi Topps card, and there’s a literary agent in New York City who is trying to replace the one that she gave up a couple of years ago. Maybe you can work out a deal to get a piece of the action on the next Alan Parker novel. On the other hand, to qualify for a chunk of the book’s profits you first have to prove you’re worthy by falling off a building, and the Plugger Cat would probably be better qualified than you are to land on his feet.

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#200): Oddly enough, I’m right all the time now, but no one will believe it!

  203. Calico
    March 16th, 2013 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Anondod (#134):
    Add just a tiny bit of light green and it’s “Aye, Carambola.”

  204. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Hi And/Or Lois:

    I call BS on this one.

    Hey, BS! WTF, dude?
    There’s two jars. One is labeled “JOB JAR” and from Lois’ inference it is not filled with suggestions for sexual favors.
    Then there is a jar labeled “BREAK BOTTLE”. Now, I’m no drunken scientist but I’ve broken a few bottles in my day. It seems to me that that “system” they have set up is completely flawed. One would only need to follow the directions on “BREAK BOTTLE” to force someone to ignore “JOB JAR” completely as there would be shards of glass all over the kitchen floor!

    Oh.
    What’s that, BS?
    “BREAK BOTTLE” actually contains discarded fortune cookie sized pieces of paper that lead to the underground tunnel to Thirsty’s Cavern O’ Hall of Alcohol?
    This is all some surreptitious diversion from the 48 bender that Hi and Lois will take with their amiable neighbors, The Thirstytons?

    Happy St. Patty’s Day for the FlagtstoneRocksInTheHeads…or whatever their surname is.

  205. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#204):

    Bah! Danged Improvising!

    that should read:

    …actually contains discarded, fortune cookie-sized pieces of paper with directions on each that tell how to get to the underground tunnel that leads to Thirsty’s Cavern O’ Hall of Alcohol?
    This is all some surreptitious diversion from for the reader to not be completely aware that Hi, Lois and their neighbors are going on a the 48 hour bender…

  206. Calico
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#118):
    Now this is funny:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQRMvg5TAl8
    Just so I can redeem myself a bit, I did give to a local parish a few weeks ago!
    : )

  207. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#190):

    Sadly tomorrow is a recap day and we won’t find out until Monday whether or not Margo dragged Greg with her when she returned to Hell.

  208. Liam
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    MW-”I’ll just have regular water mixed with some strong liquor so I can forget for a few hours that I live with a micromanaging constantly criticizing makes me want to pick up a knife and stab her harpy.”

  209. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    Okay. I looked at some of the other strips from Saturday. The ones I looked at are mostly brain breakers. I mean, that visual puzzle in Slylock Fox’s Quadruple Visions to Drive a Person Mad???? How Drunk does someone need to be to see that a raindrop is out of place?
    Right now all I can see is that dog needs a diaper, a yellow slicker with a hood and a psychedelic smoke-emitting Xmas present. What else is there?

    But, it was Dick Tracy that really broke my brain.
    What the…? I get that once in a while Dick Tracy flies to the moon to visit relatives. Sure, whatever.
    But, that Saturday strip…did they job it out to some former Eastern Bloc nation of cartoonists who dropped out of art school to attend CLOWN SKØL or something?

  210. tallyHO
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#198):

    Aw shucks! It ain’t that good. Though, it is funny because it is true…sooooooo….

    @Liam (#207):

    You say that, I expect that…but never second guess ghostly couples in comic strips. They have nothing to lose. Not that I’m saying you are wrong. The fact does remain that ghostly couples do have ETERNITY to whittle away time. So, sure. Tomorrow could be a recap strip. Or, all hell could break loose!

    //as a safe guard, cut out “B.C.”, fold it into the shape of a cross and hold it while reading “Apt. 3G”.

  211. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    198. Baka Gaijin

    Arigato gozaimus, Baka. Yes, this strip has been a sanity-maintainer more than once.

  212. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 16th, 2013 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    *site*

    Not strip.

    Josh, you need an edit option.

  213. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#164):

    That reminds me of today’s The Flying McCoys. Very funny for us Bond fans!

    // Stirred, not shaken……

  214. Droopy Says
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    Spiderslight: The Kingpin wants Spiderdip to serve him? Just how desperate is he for incompetent employees? We’re talking about Peter Phrickin’ Parker, who hides his secret identity by climbing a skyscraper in broad daylight, without a plan as to how he’s going to enter Murdock’s office.

    Family Circus: God created those faces? If God had a better union he’d only have worked a five day week, and the next Monday he could have returned to his work rested and full of energy.

    Funky’s Flunkies: I like this chick. I’m sure we’ll see her flaws soon enough, but anyone who is introduced by mocking Asshat can’t be all bad.

    Dick? Where? Ball bearings? I would have expected splinters, from scraping the bottom of the barrel for this caper.

    Pluggers: No, Pluggers have “designated texters” because of their high illiteracy rate. And they drive ancient trucks because they lose their money on stupid bets.

    Phantom: I don’t see any exit wounds.

  215. Droopy Says
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#211): Second the motion. Both about sanity and about hating Peanuts, which are probably connected.

  216. Majicou
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I’m surprised that pluggers would associate baseball cards with the smell of gum rather than the smell of tobacco.

    BECAUSE THEY’RE REALLY OLD!

  217. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    March 16th, 2013 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    Crankshat: Does this mean the Cranky will be cut in half by a chainsaw?!

    Huzzah!

  218. ralph
    March 17th, 2013 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189):
    Thanks for the comment. I have read the rules before, and trust me, I debated saying anything at all about Doonesbury. I see in rereading the rules that it is specifically mentoned as risky. The problem with Doonesbury is that it passes as a general interest strip, but reserves to itself the right to occasionally be not only biased but outrageously so. Anyway, point taken. No more Doonesbury, Josh, I promise.

  219. Sequitur
    March 17th, 2013 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#217):
    No. But with that very old chain around him he’ll die of rust poisoning.

  220. Ethan Shuster
    March 17th, 2013 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Mary’s original reply cut out of the script: “Jesus Christ! Hot water and cold water? This visit’s gonna be a fuckin’ laugh a minute.”

  221. Elk Meadow
    March 17th, 2013 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    So how is your water situation, Josh? Did it ever get turned back on? Or are you and the family getting cases of water bottles at Kroger?

  222. Ethan Shuster
    March 17th, 2013 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Next month, this Mary Worth story ends when Mary completely resolves 35 years of emotional abuse with a hug and an apology.

  223. Sequitur
    March 17th, 2013 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Ziggy está usando pantalones.

  224. tallyHO
    March 17th, 2013 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    Sunday, O Funny Sunday, we shall not meet eye to eye in the early morning light
    So I shall snark with aplomb, and with a plume, in the late, misty Saturday night.

    Hi & Lois rarely fails on the Drunken Holidays.*
    Thirsty’s Here (wasn’t that the name of some 80s song? The chorus keep repeating: Thoo-whip Thoo-whip!)
    *Or, as Thirsty calls them: Days Way Off.

    Spider-Man:
    He is absolutely the most Amazing Careless Secret Identity Dude Ever!
    “Can’t wait for the elevator, so I’ll climb up via the outside of the building!”

    No. Please, Peter Parker. Don’t Super Run up the staircase like a scary, quick spider. Don’t do that! Heaven forbid you act like a man with two legs, two arms and a brain with Super Spider Powers.

    Slylock Fox:
    I give up. If Slick Slickster takes off his clothes in front of the judgmental animals he will prove that he is human and therefore is guilty of any crime another sentient, talking animal accuses him of? That sound about right?

    Mary Worth:
    “…you said you didn’t like asparagus? So let’s see how you like you my broccoli with a bitter lemon sauce that I’m gonna rub in ya face, cuz I’m Mary Worth and I rule this place! You think you’re a worst nightmare, well I’m the maker of dream. If you don’t like that I have cauliflower with a tangy, basil cream.”

    (passive agressive Mary Worth, aka, MC Meddlemuch)

    Dick Tracy:
    Ball bearings or Kirby Balls…drawn by cartoonists from a former Eastern Bloc nation who decided to switch careers and attend classes at a clown college?
    You decide.

  225. tallyHO
    March 17th, 2013 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#223):
    Si (?)
    I see.

    //my Spanish vocublary is barely vocuable. I think those are the right Latin words for it.

  226. tallyHO
    March 17th, 2013 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    I dub that mythical former Eastern Bloc nation:

    Yukyukslovakia!

    For the presidential inaugural parade, the Coconut Pie Thrower in Chief rides in a car with his entire cabinet and with his family, too!

    Fozzie Bear is usually the go-to King of Mardi Gras.
    Bozo is the head of some freaky religion, The First Church of Jesterology, or something.

    Baka usually doesn’t even stop there for a brief layover.

    Yukyukslovakia is the real deal, for your fill-in comic strip art needs!
    Order today and get a bonus bottle of seltzer with genuine bona fide, blessed Bozo water!

  227. tallyHO
    March 17th, 2013 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#226):

    Fozzie Bear is usually the go-to King of Mardi Gras.

    Q:
    Does he ride on a special float at the head of the parade?

    A:
    No. He wokka wokkas!

  228. Baka Gaijin
    March 17th, 2013 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Family Circus is actually the Gramma’s audition reel for Mary Worth.

  229. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 17th, 2013 at 4:02 am [Reply]

    @ralph (#218): “…not only biased but outrageously so…”

    What nonsense! That’s impossible, you see, because I’ve pretty much always agreed with the strip’s political viewpoint. And since, I, personally, am the soul of common sense and reason, that must mean that you are…

    Oopsie! And that, my friend, is the reason for the reason.

  230. Beetle Bumstead
    March 17th, 2013 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Seems to me that the Beth Kinley band’s first single is a cheap knockoff of “Blondie’s Rush.

    “Buzz Buzz give me water
    Rush Rush normal water
    He’s a real soup demon
    Yeah he’s one of a kind
    In his robe he’ll be flashing
    Elinor and Mary with his sick mind…”

  231. Little A.
    March 17th, 2013 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    LUANN: Doesn’t everybody notice that now Luann looks like her future sister in law Toni? Except for the regular size bosoms.

  232. Liam
    March 17th, 2013 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-You’re in San Francisco. Try your gas out on some hippies.

    A3G-They vanish in the mist to become one of the blue people who populate the background.

    FC-Panel 1: So that’s who we blame for the kids looking the way they do. Panel 2: Life is like a basketball except there is no peacock to help you.

    JP-This is the woman who invited herself to a wedding. She’ll buy you whatever she wants and you’ll wear it.

    MW-Elinor come with me so I can bash your head in and shove you into the oven.

    MW 2-Even though I just met Tom Harpman he is one of my favorite neighbors because he didn’t have other plans like two people who shall remain nameless and could come over here.

  233. Droopy Says
    March 17th, 2013 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#232): Hippies in San Francisco? That’s, like, 1967, man, and this is, like, Spiderman. Hippies are still in their future, same as skyscrapers with windows that don’t open.

  234. bbofun
    March 17th, 2013 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Sunday snark (early as I’m workin’ this foine St. Patty’s day, perfomin’ in that most Oirish of musicals, FIDDLER ON THE ROOF).-

    Luann- Why does Luann’s “nightmare’ version of herself look like an only slightly exaggerated Toni, the supposed “bombshell” of the strip?

    RMMD- Alright, folks- this plot has stalled. Let’s talk about the stripper plot for a minute while we try to get things started again.

    9CL- Well, at least no one’s actually talking.

    DT- This would actually seem like not a bad plan, except that it appears that this is not an outrageous costume the Jumble’s wearing, but just his street clothes. Unless nobody’s ever actually seen him, he’s gonna be pretty easy to find.

    ASM- Remember, with great power comes great responsibility- and, apparently, absolutely NO patience whatsoever (or common sense- he just climbed up the side of a busy office building in broad daylight in his civilian identity- yeah, goo thing no one carries cameras with them nowadays).

    PHANTOM- I honestly don’t know how Ghost-Who-Is-Pumped-Full-Of-Lead is gonna get out of this one, even though I know he will. The only problem with the split in phantom between the Sunday continuity and the dailies is that it means nothing permanent really can happen in either- even though this is one strip that could, conceivably, kill off it’s main character and have his son (or wife, or daughter) take over for him, it pretty much can’t happen while another storyline is running.

    MW- Boy, Mary’s not wasting any time on this one, is she? And her chicken soup not only has amazing medicinal properties- it’s a great hair dye, too!

  235. bbofun
    March 17th, 2013 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    Oh, and slainte! And, y’know, l’chaim!

  236. gleeb
    March 17th, 2013 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    Val: Barmus Drawfell. He certainly did.

    ‘bean: See, now this is the woman granny-cheatin’ John should be with, if only because of the hair. And the contempt for Owen the Idiot, but that’s like breathing, one of the natural instincts.

    Ex-Judge Parker’s Angst: Wow, a tiny amount of pressure and the guy’s ready to bite someone’s head off. I wonder, over the years, how many people he sent to the chair just because he was worried about Randy’s report card, or whether the fish he had at lunch was quite fresh?

    Savarna, Femme Fatale: Blessed Saint Patrick , she did it.

    Dick: Illegality at last! I don’t know how the Jumbler got out past the ball bearings, though.

    Gas: Gah! Never take that hat off again.

    Mark: EXTREME botany! Because ordinary, run-of-the mill plants just don’t have what it takes.

    June Morgan, RN: She loves her daughter, but no one challenges June in conversation, or she gets swatted down. Also, Avery is about to die or something.

  237. Ross
    March 17th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Back when I was peripherally involved with baseball cards, the gum inside was more often than not dried out and had no scent (never knew anyone who bothered to chew it.) The only card that might have had gum “essence” on it was the one that touched it in the pack, and even then any gum residue actually diminished the value of the card, as some collectors considered it as “damage.”

  238. sb
    March 17th, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    There’s an exclamation point after “hot water with lemon”? Is Elinore yelling? If so, why not make it even better and add the word “mule” at the end?

  239. Brimstone
    March 18th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    “Meekcore” is awesome, but it exists in the form of ‘twee’. Check out The Boy Least Likely To or early Belle & Sebastian.

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