Main content:


An Army pension would at least explain why Lu Ann has no apparent real job

Apartment 3-G, 3/19/13

It seems cruel to leave Lu Ann just standing there crying a single noble tear and sobbing monosyllabically, but since some kindly off-panel person is about to console her, we can instead turn our attention to some exciting retro-continuity! Something you may not know: there was an Apartment 3-G storyline in the ’60s in which Lu Ann got married to Gary Powers, only to be quickly widowed when the young man was shot down over Vietnam. Gary came up a year and a half ago in the course of her engagement to Paul, at which point their marriage was put “seven years ago,” and now while it’s hard to read that tombstone’s death date he definitely appears to have died too young in the mid-’00s, presumably in one of our more recent wars. What’s the motivation for giving Lu Ann closure now? Would it be to help her finally find true love for real? Possibly with some nice older gentleman who haunts Arlington Cemetery, comforting war widows, in one of the creepiest meet-cutes in history?

Spider-Man, 3/19/13

It turns out Daredevil told Spider-Man to see Matt Murdoch just so that the two of them would learn each other’s secret identities! Is this how superheroes make friends? It seems a little forced.

Mark Trail, 3/19/13

It’s lucky for Rod Bassy and Catfish that there isn’t anyone within shouting distance, because that gag appears to just be kind of lightly resting on Rusty’s mouth and not actually preventing him in any way from talking. Since they’re planning on leaving him alone soon, I guess we’ll find out if they’re any better at tying knots!

Gil Thorp, 3/19/13

BASEBALL SEASON STORYLINE IS HERE EVERYBODY! It looks like as usual Gil Thorp will present a plot about high school athletics torn from the headlines: the dangers of kids playing non-contact sports suffering concussions when they slip on ice weeks before the season even starts.

344 responses to “An Army pension would at least explain why Lu Ann has no apparent real job”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Shoe — Because it’s way too much trouble for Roz to walk over and just, you know, CHECK ON HIS CONDITION…

    Is Sen. Belfry inebriated? Is he suffering from the effects of a fall or a stroke?

    None of those options even occur to the writer of today’s Shoe. Not when having Roz deliver a zinger (at Belfry’s expense, of course) is his only goal.

    It’s really a shame Mr. Shoe Writer can’t go back to writing one-liners for comedian Bob Hope. (That last part is true, by the way!)

  2. KreatureFeatures
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: “Whatever, Mom.” Little Jeffy’s GAF-o-Meter is hovering near an all-time low.

  3. Rusty
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    GT: I assume it’s an adult that fell, comic strip world adults always wear hats in the wintertime.

  4. Guts Dozier
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “How did ever deduce my secret identity, Daredevil?” “You mean besides the fact that you came in through the window in your street clothes? I’m blind, but I’m not an idiot.”

  5. Ranger
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    SM: Seeing as you were just scaling the outside of this glass building, I’m pretty sure EVERYONE here knows you’re Spiderman. I figured it out, and I’m blind!

  6. nescio
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    MT: Rusty can shout all he wants, even in boldface, croaking frogs make a hell of a racket.

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “HUH?? I just realized–you’re a blind superhero with heightened senses–you might be–good at recognizing voices–!!”

    Gil Thorp: MILFORD (Associated Press) – Local authorities are investigating a string of bizarre non-standard slip-and-fall accidents around the city. Sources state that most victims appear to have come into contact with a “lucky” pig during a basketball game. Citizens are urged to stay indoors.

  8. WeatherServo9
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    MT: Remember decades ago when kids read The Hardy Boys and other similar adventure/mystery series starring fictional young men overcoming mildly perilous situations involving bumbling, stereotypical adults? Rusty’s never getting his own series, is what I’m saying.

  9. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    9CL – How old are these characters? 14? First real date? ‘Cause if they are middle aged and still acting like this, then it isn’t so much “charming” as “moronic”.

  10. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    A3G-Perpetual care my ass. Look at how high that grass is going.

    A3G 2-They’ve changed Gary’s age so people like us wouldn’t make fun of this strip being set in the Sixties even though they mentioned a hospital that hasn’t existed since then as Josh pointed out.

    FW-Listen, Buddy, I don’t care that you’ve come up with a new villain and character. Our writers here DC/Marvel want to read about characters from fifty years ago.

    MT-”Hey! What’s going on with this kid? It looks like he’s sporting an erection. Kid are you getting off on this?”

    MW-”Is that Mary Worth you’re quoting? Her words of wisdom get me wet in my panties.”

    RMMD-He’s got several balls in the air and two in his mouth

  11. pugfuggly
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    A3G It looks like Lu Ann is crying, but really she’s just calling Gary a filthy SOB over and over.

    ASM Sometimes Peter’s spidey sense works by warning him of danger. Other times it just gives him a jolt during important parts of the conversation, so he’ll stop watching episodes Gilligan’s Island in his head.

    MT “Ha ha, then we’ll win this fishing competition and walk away with ….$1000? Wait, it’s only $1000? I could go to prison for the rest of my life for a lousy one grand? I really should have checked the rules beforehand…”

  12. Nathaniel Q.
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    “Wait, how you know I’m Spider-Man?”
    “As we speak, you are imagining sitting at home eating several grilled cheese sandwiches while you watch TV.”
    “Holy crap!”

  13. Christopher
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: “How did you know I’m Spider-Man? You’re blind, so you can’t see that I’ve got my mask covering half my face.”

  14. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    PIB- OK, so, she’s a muppet, right? Covered in blue fur, big googly eyes, no external genetalia. So, all along, we have been unfair in accusing the author of writing Faerie Porn, when what he is writing is Plushie Porn.

    Does Bucky Katt know about this? Because if he kills one of the muppets in this strip and drags their bloody carcass home to leave under the kitchen table, that would be the best thing to ever happen in Pibgorn.

  15. pugfuggly
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft “I only know two things about history: Washington cut down a cherry tree and that asian people because they stole pearls from our harbors.”

    FW I think that center panel might be revealing something about the subconscious desires in this little fantasy.

    MT “Who’s to deny out view of it? Our depictions of it? Our portrayals, and delineations, and narratives, and representatio-….I’m sorry, when my wife left me, I helped fill the void with synonyms.”

  16. Fashion Police
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    There is no clearer sign that the end times are upon us than gentlemen – using the term loosely – removing their jackets to sit down to dinner. Of course, one does not have high expectations for fellows who don’t even bother to don a necktie when dining at the home of a near-stranger. At least Mr. Harpman has given the dour Mrs. Kinley clear signs that he is a hopeless boor whom her daughter should avoid at all costs.

    We are even more disappointed that Mrs. Worth has neglected the challenge more worthy of a world-renowned meddler. Mrs. Kinley surely deserves the opportunity to meet Mr. Wilbur Weston and whip him into shape.

  17. pugfuggly
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#15):

    take 2!

    Crankshaft “I only know two things about history: Washington cut down a cherry tree and that I have to hate asian people because they stole pearls from our harbors.”

  18. Fashion Police
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#9):
    We would suggest that there is little in Mr. McEldowney’s oeuvre that suggests he has progressed beyond middle school.

  19. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    SM: How did you know? I mean, other than the fact that I climbed in through thee 14th floor window? I just realized, you must be DAREDEVIL!

    DD: Did you shut the door so my secretary wouldn’t hear? I didn’t hear the door shut. Great. You’ve been here 30 seconds and you’ve exposed both of us. I guess I’ll have to move to NYC now. Again.

  20. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    JP, panel 2: Arrr matey! How RRRrr things in Paris? Sure, I be comin’ home fer dinnerrrr.

  21. LUJBEM FEJF
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Mark- I can see why bass fishing is so lucrative and would lead one to cheat. Rod Bassy’s newest endorsement deal is pretty obvious. “Bud” “Weis” ….

  22. Marc
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    9CL- Something that no human adults have ever done on a date in the history of forever.

    A3G- The constantly changing timeline and environments of this strip is enough to tear a gaping hole in the space/time continuum.

    Mark Trail- I don’t know any way that Rusty doesn’t end up doing dominatrix porn when he grows up.

    Mary Worth- Today we learned that Tom and Mary read the same Albert Camus quote books.

    Funky- When you make newspaper Spider-Man look like a shining example of proactiveness, you know you’re a shitty superhero.

    Luann- Thank you Bernice. This is the first thing someone has said in this strip that has made sense in a long time.

    Cranky- With any luck, everyone will forget about Crankshaft and he’ll end up like those pot growing UPS men over in the Lost Forest.

  23. Stroker Ace
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    MT – Rod Bassy bought Uncle Rico’s van.

  24. Tom Allen
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#11): I suppose Rod Bassy could find a more lucrative hobby, but I’m not sure how you cheat at cake decorating.

  25. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: The date on the grave could only be 2000 or 2006. Since the US wasn’t at war in 2000, that means at the young age of 22, Mr. Powers met his demise. Wasn’t Lu Ann breathing carbon monoxide and having visions or astral projections back in 2006?

  26. Crankenstank
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    So nice to see it’s shirt sleeve weather in Arlington right now, too.

  27. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    MT: I wouldn’t have thought that Rusty would be smart enough to be worried in this situation, but I guess I was wrong.

    MW: Is that entree of tubes o’ flesh meant to give those two crazy kids ideas?

  28. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#25): I’m seeing 2000—which would mean he was 16 when he was killed while piloting a jet, right? How precocious!

  29. Ed Dravecky
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    As with everything else in Gil Thorp, that was at best a sub-standard slip and fall, thus knocking the Mudlarks out of the playdowns yet again.

  30. Ranger
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    JP: Loving the eye-patch Sam is sporting in panel 2. Just needs a parrot on his shoulder to complete the look.

    Cranky: Finally, Ed’s mind has exploded. Let’s hope they chop down the tree and take him with it.

  31. AdHocGrip
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    MT I’ll be damned if Rusty doesn’t look a little bit like George Bush today. Something in the eyes….

  32. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Gary Powers…huh, wasn’t he the U 2 pilot shot down over Sverdlovsk on May Day, 1960? so that’s where this strip got the name.

    Of course Powers survived to be captured and later released, which means marriage to Lu Ann would for him be literally a fate worse than death.

    Poor guy.

  33. Alex
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Jokes on the bad guys! There’s no way Mark would miss protecting the honor of a regional bass fishing tournament for something as unimportant to him as Rusty. In fact, the kid’s right between “contemporary men’s fashion” and “the rap” (Mark’s phrasing, not mine) on Mr. Trail’s list of things he cares about.

  34. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    8. WeatherServo9

    Yeah. The villains never forgot to leave the key in the lock when they imprisoned one or more of the heroes as I recall.

  35. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#25): I just checked on what was happening in comics on July 4, 2006.

    *Tommie in A3G was having a non-adventure with “the perfect couple”, but Margo was asking if Eric was a “hat man”.

    *In Gil Thorp, Marty Moon was golf gambling with Ben Franklin, notorious golf shark.

    *Apparently, all the hype was Mayo Pits (according to Crock).

    *JP: Sophie was caught offshoring her homework to Raju from India, because he paid an unexpected visit to America (Sophie has since decided to cut the pay of her global network of outsourced labor so they can’t afford plane tickets).
    One of the better Phantom plots was unfolding, where he was systematically beating the crap out of a small army of terrorists commanded by Python.

    ***It was the summer of ALDOMAINIA!***

  36. Dartpaw86
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    What do you bet that voice is going to be his ghost?

  37. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Les, Les, wherefore art thou, Les? Legions of Les fans are lamenting this Lord of the Late lameness.

    Have you lost your freakin mind, Mr. Batiuk? Do you think anyone cares about Mopey Pete’s fantasy drivel? Don’t you realize the Life of Les is the sum and substance of this narrative? WHY ARE YOU IGNORING LES? It’s HER fault, isn’t it? You realize you should have never let him marry the she-witch, and now you are trying to pretend it never happened, while Les’s life must be a LIVING HELL!

    Incensed,
    Susan Smith, President

  38. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Didn’t Rusty earn his chewing-through-a-gag badge in the Boy Scouts? Jeez, you’d think that if anyone would teach the kids that, it’d be the troop in the southern part of the state.

  39. Broccoli
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Looking at A-3G’s first panel, I feel Frank Bolle deserves some credit for continuing to draw it from beyond the grave.

  40. TheDiva
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: It’s only taken LuAnn eight and a half years to visit her husband’s grave? Good to see she’s been taking this well.

    GT: Figures the only interesting thing to happen in a good long while in this strip happened several months ago.

    MT: This is Rusty we’re talking about. You could just put a hand lightly over his mouth and he’d clam up. He probably wouldn’t even have the sense to do the lick-your-palm thing.

    SM: Hey, Spidey’s Plot Convenience Sense came in handy for once!

  41. lorne
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    I love how the Spidey-Sense blazes on right after a thing has literally become blindingly obvious.

  42. revenge4Aldo
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Guts Dozier (#4): Also, he could smell Peter Parker’s mix of Drakkar Noir and desperation from the other room.

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#38): that’s what the giant beavers are for.

  44. Old Folkie
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#20): Beat me to it!

  45. Government Cheese
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Luann: For once, I agree with Bernice. Quit being a buzzkill, Delta, you are in a fucking hot dog joint.

    MW: What kind of dinner blather is this? “Oh I just met you, but let’s talk about love, sweet love (ack, barf). Oh sorry, I’m allergic to asparagus.”

    At most dinner parties, people are usually discussing politics or Dennis Rodman, not love.

  46. Nekrotzar
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    I hope GT’s super-accelerated passage of time becomes a permanent feature of the strip. Coming up tomorrow:
    Panel 1: A heartwarming story about a shortstop undergoing hormone replacement therapy
    Panel 2: Loss in the playdowns
    Panel 3: We get started on our wacky summer story about a percussionist in a calypso band with a crippling addiction to orange tic-tacs.

  47. Joshua
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Your school needs new textbooks if they taught you there are only four basic tastes instead of five.

  48. Ed Dravecky
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    A 2006 date of death for Gary Powers would explain the “seven years” comment but not why he was demoted from Lieutenant to Sergeant… and wasn’t he in the US Air Force, not the US Army?

  49. wonkeythemonkey
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I was about to become interested in Gil Thorp’s “standard slip and fall” storyline, but I was mercifully saved that indignity by a sudden jump in time. Thanks, caption text!

  50. Hibbleton
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: In her grief, Lu Ann demonstrates amazing strength. She’s holding that headstone at eye level in panel two.

    MW: When Mary said she’d be serving lamb, no one knew it’d be a casserole dish of lambdogs. Score at this point: Elinor 1, Mary 1.

  51. Old Folkie
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    FW: Now that Owsley’s dead, there is only the bad acid…

    Luann: Altruism is not allowed – city ordinance.

    MW: C’mon folks, eat up! You haven’t touched the turd lasagna yet!

  52. NonnyMus
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that Lu Ann married two guys named Gary Powers who were both in the military… two decades apart? It’s funny that she was a child bride the first time around and a Cougar the second.

    I wonder if it bothers her that the second one was just a Sargent in the Army when he was killed while the first one was a Lieutenant in the Air Force. I imagine the combined pensions and death benefits are what enabled her to buy 1/3 of that condo/coop in Manhattan, so it’s probably o.k.

  53. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Gil: What is this “turn two”? Unless it’s some kind of baseball thing, I’m guessing it should be “turn to”, which is a Navy expression meaning “get to work”. Wasn’t Coach Thorp in the Marines?

  54. Executive Sweatpants
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MT: Uh oh, Rod Bassy is leaving Catfish alone with Rusty. I think Catfish is going to reprise the Mr. Blond scene from Reservoir Dogs. I hope Jack is able to draw Rusty with one ear.

  55. Notebooked
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    So Mark Trail is turning into a gag-a-day strip?

  56. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    S-M: Inside voice, Peter. Don’t assume that Matt Murdock is as lax about his secret identity as you’ve been lately.

    MT: For the love of Ranger Rick, all the jokes are true! Rod Bassy says outright that he’s kidnapping Rusty to distract from his cheating in a bass fishing tournament. Mark Trail left parody behind miles ago and it just keeps going!

    MW: Now that he’s cleaned up and over his cold, Tom looks like a slightly more realistic Seth or Sven from 9 Chickweed Lane. Now I’ll be waiting for him to wrap up the Mary Worth-isms and make a sesquipedalian comment about Beth’s ass.

    FW: The answer is, “Someone who thinks if he piles alliteration on alliteration he won’t need any jokes.”

    9CL: Obviously he’s going to impale her, although I’ve never heard it called a “shrimp fork” before. The waiter may as well concentrate on his other tables though. These two will maybe leave him a buck-fifty tip.

    JP: “Does your friend Thalia like sweet-ass eye patches, because I just bought one on impulse.”

    RMMD: June’s not listening. The phrase “balls in the air” sent her off on a reverie.

    BB: Since none of the League of Disco Dancers knows where they’re going, Sarge is clearly doing the right thing.

    DT: Thank you, Curtis and Staton, for so perfectly illustrating the concept of “a face for radio.”

    FC: Jeffy has, at best, a foggy notion of what humor is. Seems to be a family trait, really.

    Luann: Delta can do her good deed and perhaps even turn a profit if she adopts the sweatshop model. More spring baskets, mule!

    H&J: “And don’t let me catch you sniffing around these Eastern religions anymore, capisce?”

    Lockhorns: Marriage is an ongoing process of learning about your partner. Leroy had no idea Loretta was part of a mother-daughter meth cooking team.

  57. TheDiva
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    9CL: I wouldn’t trust these people with animals. Or crossing the street on their own.

    C’shaft: This is a sign of dementia, right?

    FW: What exactly does the Lord of the Late do anyway, besides look in his overgrown pocketwatch and gloat at Mopey Pete struggling to meet deadlines? He’s like the Spider-Man of supervillainy.

    MW: “I’m proud of my first book! It’s gotten over a hundred downloads on Smashwords!”

    Pibgorn: Sorry, caliph, redemption is only for Brooke-sanctioned characters.

    Pluggers have very, very dull lives.

  58. Government Cheese
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    GT: That’s gotta be some ice for the poor kid to to do a 360 in the air.

  59. Illustrator Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#48): Didn’t Gary Powers fly U2 spy plane missons over Cuba in order to help finance the making of his son’s movie, Austin Powers?

  60. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Executive Sweatpants (#54):

    I hope Jack is able to draw Rusty with one ear.

    Step 1: Print out “Rusty” clip art.
    Step 2: Daub Wite-Out on one of the ears.
    Step 3: Wait 3-5 minutes to dry.

  61. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Note that Gary Powers is no longer an Air Force pilot (which would mean he was an officer); instead, he was now an Army Sergeant. Lu Ann’s personal wealth is of course cut significantly by that diminution in rank, which may help explain her willingness to be assimilated into the Linski collective.

  62. Écureuil Écumant
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#6): “croaking frogs make a hell of a racket.”

    DIONYSIUS. No, nor ye prevail o’er me.
    Never! never! I’ll my song
    Shout, if need be, all day long,
    Until I’ve learned to master your ko-ax.
    Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax!! (farts thunderously)
    There! I thought I’d put a stop to your accursed ko-ax.

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#59): Indeed he did. Challenging gig, as well. Larry Mullen, Jr. is quite prone to airsickness.

  64. Hibbleton
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#53): “Turn two”
    Baseball: a double play, two outs on the same play.

  65. gnemec
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    So the real Gary Powers’ plane went down over Soviet airspace in 1960. He lived. Then the fictional Gary Powers’ plane went down over Viet Nam. He died. Then again several times over the last decade or two. Are there constantly regenerating Gary Powerses, or is he just terribly unlucky, encountering the same problem over and over, like John McClain in “Die Hard”?

  66. Skyler
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    In Gil Thorp, is it just me, or is anyone else bothered that he says “turn two” instead of “turn to?”

  67. Remmy
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#37): I would be happy to go back to a Les storyline if it involves Cayla punching Les repeatedly.

  68. Roger Ln
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#56): Matt Murdock has been pretty lax about his secret identity in the past, as seen here.

  69. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#28): @Hogenmogen (#25): I’m seeing 2000—which would mean he was 16 when he was killed while piloting a jet, right? How precocious!

    The birth date is 1984. It’s hard to be sure about that last digit for his death, but the year is definitely 2-0-0-something. If the last digit was a “9″ he could have been 25, at the oldest. However, as Josh mentions, it was seven years ago from the present, according to the letter from the “Army Air Force”, which makes it 2006, so he’d have been 22.

    But the gravestone says he was a Sergeant in the U.S. Army. The U.S. Army doesn’t have jets (they have helicopters), and sergeants don’t pilot them. Piloting aircraft of any sort in any of the services is pretty much exclusively an officer thing.

  70. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#35): Bravo, sir! Hogenmogen reads the comics of the past, so we don’t have to!

  71. Illustrator Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MT – That van has been parked in the same spot for so long that it’s begun sliding into the bushes towards the edge of that frog pond. Not to worry, Rusty, since there’s no doors in the van it should easily float.

  72. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#64): I’ll take your word for it, but that interpretation doesn’t seem to make sense in the context of the strip here. Coach Thorp (I think that’s him) seems to be hitting practice balls to his infield, so a “let’s get to work” makes more sense to me.

  73. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”Let’s turn two”? Wait so they are one? I thought they were teenagers not giant toddlers.

  74. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#61): Just so. You beat me to that one.

  75. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#45):

    At most dinner parties, people are usually discussing politics or Dennis Rodman, not love.

    Or both at the same time, which has gotten a lot easier in recent weeks.

  76. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#32): BUT… Gary Francis Powers, the U2 pilot, was later killed in a helicopter crash!

  77. Government Cheese
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#75): True. I’d like to see a dinner/pool party with Mary trying to tackle timely global issues.

    Mary :”I shouldn’t have put my money into a Cypriot savings account! Wilbur, can I move in with you?”

    Wilbur: (ham coming out of mouth mid-sandwich bite) Hmmm?

  78. Illustrator Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#63): His air sickness added to the light headedness felt when looking at his bank account after financing the movie.

  79. Pozzo
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Spiderman and Daredevil — Now *that’s* how you do “meet cute”.

  80. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Roger Ln (#68): In the comic books, yes. But remember, in the comic books Spider-Man is competent and heroic, so it’s not much of a guide to the newspaper Marvel-verse.

  81. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#43): Jesus, the last thing I want to hear is Rusty mumbling “hear beaver beaver, hear beaver beaver” through his gag.

  82. Lawyerbob
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MT: Rod Bassy and Catfish call to mind the research that stupid people are the most confident, becasue they’re too stupid to know they’re stupid.

  83. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    9CL: The waiter seems to be doing a Frank Nelson shtick.

    OBH: “Maybe it’s seen how you drive, Avis.” Now that Hertz.

    Sherman’s Lagoon: I don’t think “feckless” means what he thinks it means.

  84. Illustrator Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#76):

    ….Hmmm, Gary Powers’ MIDDLE name was Francis and the new Pope choose the Papal name of Francis for his LAST name! WHAT does this mean? I DON’T KNOW!

  85. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Who me,” Matt Murdock stammers, “I’m not Daredevil. I’m just a simple blind lawyer. I couldn’t do those superior athletic leaps that the devilishly handsome fellow that Daredevil is does.”

  86. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#14): Ummm….I was going to comment on this, but it just may be me, but I think there’s external genetalia on display there today. I think he’s finally gone full frontal.

  87. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Petey’s Friendly Neighborhood Spider-sense can’t detect bricks, or pipes, or rockets, but it sure as hell can detect Heino’s smugness at having outsmarted him while still being as dumb as humanly possible.

  88. k p
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MT – in the last panel, looks like the van that Rusty’s alone in is a-rockin’. Mark’s in for an eyeful if he comes a-knockin’.

  89. Marc
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#72): They’re practicing turning a double play. He’ll hit the ball to one of his infielders, who will throw it to 2nd base, then turn and fire to first.

  90. Illustrator Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#82): Jay Leno occasionally has a segment on his nightly show called ‘stupid criminals’. If Leno were to feature Rod Bassy and Catfish in that bit he’d probably add a segment to his show called ‘STUPID COMIC STRIPS’.

  91. Voshkod
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    As she stared at the grave, LuAnn’s brain fired as furiously as it could (which isn’t saying much; her brain was kind of like a two-stroke lawnmower engine with bad gas trying to run in the winter). Something was wrong, even she could sense that. The grave was for an Army Sergeant. She squinted at the paper in her hand – row 6. Gary was buried in row 6. Here, in row 6. But wasn’t Gary an Air Force Major? Hadn’t he been shot down in action? Was it all a lie? Had she been more brain-damaged by the fumes then the doctors thought? Was it some cruel prank by Margo? Just who was she, who was Gary Powers?

    Her sanity shattered, she sank to her knees on the wet Arlington grass. The men came to lead her away to the asylum, walking her away, down the rows, past the grave of Air Force Major Gary Powers in row 9.

  92. Illustrator Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#76): When pilot Gary Powers was released from the Russian prison he addressed a group of people. The historic event became known as ‘POWERS TO THE PEOPLE!’.

  93. Clint Brawny
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    “Gary, you S.O.B., S.O.B., S.O.B.”

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    as I gaze out the window at the blowing snow flurries and single digit wind-chill weather, I am comforted by the twin facts that Punxsutawney Phil, said winter would be short, and that tomorrow Spring is here.

    nuts.

    where’s the bourbon.

  95. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Rod Bassy I’ll go back to town and act like I don’t know anything.
    Rusty [thinking] You should fit right in, then.

  96. Ittakestwo
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#92): Yeh, didn’t John Lennon write a song about that called Powers to the People?

  97. Comic-Strip Shrug-Guy's Reviews
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    LOVE IS: Worst. Zorro. cosplay. ever.

    DICK TRACY: “Lay them doggies out in the corral”? Worst. furry. convention. ever.

  98. Ittakestwo
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): WHERE the hell do they find singers that would actually want to sing like that….and WHY?

  99. Illustrator Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    MT – That’s not a piece of rope in Rusty’s mouth, Josh…that’s just the X-tra large sized dental floss Catfish gave Rusty to use after he ate that BIG bass he found in the back of the van.

  100. Shrug, of the Bottom 10
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#28):

    “I’m seeing 2000—which would mean he was 16 when he was killed while piloting a jet, right? How precocious!”

    Maybe this is the start of the long-awaited A3G/TOP10 crossover. (In Alan Moore’s TOP 10, Jetboy got his name by piloting a jet in WWII at the age of 10 or so. He later grew up to be the chief of police in an all-superhero-community, and fifty some years later still had not been outed as gay, even though some of the villains in the city presumably had powers of telepathy, distance vision, X-ray vision, and so on. But I digress.)

    The fact that Lu Ann’s late husband had the name of “Powers” just adds to the superhero clue quotient.

    The offstage voice comforting Lu Ann may thus belong to Kemlo, the bionic dog policeman, who as we saw in TOP 10 is especially good at comforting distraught young women.

    I’m looking forward to the SuperMice who will infest the apartment and the drunken Godzilla-clone who will vomit in front of it. Most promising A3G incipient storyline ever!

  101. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Do we actually know he was flying a real jet aeroplane? Perhaps he was flying…a model U2 or something…which fell on his head. And – having possessed a brain, unlike LuAnn – he was, well, brained.

  102. Shrug, Below Par
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#40):

    “A3G: It’s only taken LuAnn eight and a half years to visit her husband’s grave? Good to see she’s been taking this well.”

    Well, she tried, but she gets lost easily. For several years, she had been visiting what she believed to be his grave, only to recently discover it was actually the 7th hole on a local golf course.

    ///She wondered why there were never any flowers there, aside from this tall stick which she thought might be bamboo or something.

  103. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    …or it was her dear late hubby just really glad to see her.

  104. But What Do I Know?
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#82): Sometimes called the Dunning-Kroger effect, but we mudges know it was first discovered by reading Mary Worth!

  105. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m getting the feeling that Moy is pulling a Batiuk/McEldowney and snapping back at the strip’s critics that snark on Mary’s propagandized version of romance, and that Elinor is a meanspirited caricature of, essentially…. us? It seems to have backfired, since Elinor is the funniest and sometimes most sensible person in the whole storyline.

    RMMD: Dangerous stunt there, June — leaning your head on a sharp point like that. Credits box can puncture a cheek, but she’s too otherworldly blissful to notice.

    FW: It isn’t a “wacky watch”, it’s a stupid circle.

    A3G: Of course she’s not okay. Her husband has been killed in all the wars of the last 100 years!
    Meanwhile, we need all the narration boxes because of the hard and fast rule that characters must ALWAYS only be drawn from the chest upwards in the “just standing there, talking” position. Seeing knees kneeling is against Bolle’s Law.

    Luann: Even Gary Hobson had “live your life”.

  106. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#91): Beautiful.

  107. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#89): Oh. That’s a regular sort of practice thingy baseball people do? Ok. Makes sense. Thank you!

    // And I was afraid I wouldn’t learn anything today!

  108. catondan
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    How come Josh gets Gil Thorpe in color and Darkgate gets it in B/W?

  109. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A slip-and-fall injury on a small patch of ice? I guess now we know why Milford High doesn’t have a hockey team.

  110. Alte Ziege
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: Army Sgt Gary Powers? Army pilots are officers, commissioned and warrant. The staff who manage Arlington National Cemetery do not let the grass get that ragged and there is no gray fence along the graves. She must be in a different Arlington, perhaps in Arlington, Iowa.

  111. Clumsy Carp
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#107):

    You should catch them with a fungo.

  112. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#86):

    Ewww, did you have to mention that? I was going to pretend that it was a case of plausible deniability like the teenage camel toe shots in Luann.

    Anyway, it can’t be what you think it is – after all, where are the teeth?

  113. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#105):

    A3G: Of course she’s not okay. Her husband has been killed in all the wars of the last 100 years!

    Cue Universal Soldier.

    // How appropriate, “he’s all of 31, and he’s only 17″. That explains the headstone.

  114. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#113): I was thinking Lt. Dan’s family from Forest Gump.

  115. Chyron HR
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FW – Don’t Blue Peter’s hallucinatory battles against the Lord of the Late usually result in him brainstorming a “brilliant” comic book story? What’s he going to come up with this time, “Superman meets Flash Gordon?”

    DC Editor: So, Pete, your script is, uh… interesting. But our lawyers might prefer it if Superman teamed up with, maybe, Adam Strange?
    Pete: What? Who? I’ve never heard of him! Have you even read a DC comic before?

  116. catondan
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    GT- Continuing a limited-interest Gil Thorpe thread, another name for a double play besides “turn two” is a “twin killing”. Maybe a more interesting plot is coming? Nah.

  117. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Meta-comment: Comic Book Resources just posted an article “TOM BATIUK TALKS “FUNKY WINKERBEAN,” in which “Award-winning cartoonist Tom Batiuk tells CBR about his long-running comic strip, the benefits of working so far ahead, killing off characters and his journey from comic book letter hack to cartoonist.”

    I’ll let you all discover and snark on the bulk of it yourselves. However, to the surprise of absolutely no one, he admits that “There’s a ton of me in Les.”

  118. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#114): this, for those who don’t already know about how life is like a box of chocolates.

  119. Jon the Red
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    I want to see a Gil Thorp artist come up here to Maine, because then I can observe them on the ice and see how it is they think a man can slip and fall as he’s walking, and end up completely upside-down like that.

  120. sully
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    “What?! YOU’RE Daredevil? No shit! So, you only FAKE being blind to protect your Secret Identity, right? I fake being a Super-hero to protect mine, and nobody has guessed a THING!”

  121. Missal
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: Before LuAnn’s husband was an army sergeant in Vietnam, he was Francis Gary Powers, the spy plane pilot who was shot down over the Soviet Union in 1960, creating an infamous international incident.

    Retcon is an awesome power and should be used wisely. Certainly not on this shit.

  122. Amos Snarkadder
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MW: “We look for love wherever we can! Who’s to deny our view of it? …our depictions of it?”
    Yep. That pretty well sums it up. Tom Harpman is addicted to internet porn.

  123. Tom the Sailor Man
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Rod Bassy will act like he doesn’t know anything – doesn’t seem like much of a stretch.

  124. bbofun
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    RMMD- This is a singularly odd detail to put into the strip. Unless it’s a personal thing for the writer (“I had to work for the European Union once and I couldn’t stand all the members having different languages!), it would seem to have to be a plot point. Is Milton not just suffering a heart attack? Has he been (duh-duh-DUHHHNNNN!) POISONED?

    JP- Yes, it’s too bad there are no direct flights to New York from Paris.

    Pibgorn- So, is Brooke going to re-write the ending of Scheherazade’s story, as well? Oh, why the fuck not.

    Also, we see now that the Caliph’s crime is not so much the whole “serial killing” thing, as it is that he’s ugly- the greatest crime one can commit in McEldowneyworld.

  125. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Ittakestwo (#98): it’s all about the Tera Strong and Ashleigh Ball.

    as to the why, I couldn’t tell you. I don’t watch the show, just the fandom!

  126. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Clumsy Carp (#111): You made me look up “fungo” too. (It must be obvious that I know little about baseball.)

    // I shall attempt to work that into my conversation today. “Look sharp, lad, else I’ll fustigate you with my fungo!”

  127. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Sergeant Captain Major Francis Gary Powers, US Army Air Force Central Intelligence Agency, shot down over the Ural Mountains during the Vietnam War in 2008. We must update Wikipedia.

  128. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#114): Not bad, though that went back more than a hundred, I believe. I shouldn’t be surprised if the War Department had a whole section dedicated to administering widow’s pensions for the the Lt. Dan clan.

  129. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#124): there’s also the possibility that Dru has been sucking the life force of the Caliph during their interludes.

    being a succubus, and all.

  130. Voshkod
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    In a very special Apartment 3G, Corporal Radar O’Reilly walks into the apartment. He looks pale, stunned, and his voice is shaky. “I have a message. Captain Major Sergeant Gary Power’s plane helicopter was shot down over the Sea of Japan the Gulf of Tonkin Point Salinas the Gulf of Sidra the Panama Canal the Persian Gulf the Adriatic Sea the Hindu Kush the Euphrates River. It spun in . . . there were no survivors.”

  131. Lawyerbob
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#104): Indeed. But we have to give Spiderman his props: he does seem to know just what a moron he is.

  132. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#28): I’m questioning the rank and service on the tombstone (Sgt US Army). Wasn’t Gary supposed to be a jet pilot, and thus an Air Force officer of some sort? Maybe LuAnn has the wrong grave…

  133. Midtown
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    GT: Is this a cross-over with Owen from FW? The colorists were too lazy to get the hat pattern and color right.

  134. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Les Moore Fan Club, LLC (#37): Come on, Susie… Pete is supposed to be one of Les’s most successful lit students. Give credit where credit is due.

  135. LogopolisMike
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    A3G; Please be Ghost Lincoln, please be Ghost Lincoln.

  136. The Ridger
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#48): There was some discussion about this back when the US Army Air Force (a WWII-era organization) wrote her to tell her that Major Gary Powers had been KIA (made even more delicious by the fact that she’d been engaged twice since then, including at the time to super-creepy blond cultist Paul). Continuity? 3G laughs at the concept.

  137. Little Guy
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    MT, 2nd panel:So many inappropriate pedobear jokes, so little time.

    ASM: I guess Peter scrimpted and saved on his meager salary to buy a clue.

  138. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#126): sorry, you’ll have to find your own links to that. . . .

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#128): there was an awesome animation on DeepFried awhile back regarding all of the various peoples that have invaded/conquered a certain portion of the Middle East. It may take me awhile to find it, but it was incredible, in a horrifying and bloody way.

  139. terrapin
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    GT: “Look alive infield! Let’s turn tw… ok, who super-glued a ball to the bat? Very funny, guys!”

  140. The Ridger
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

  141. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#132): The headstone is just tradecraft. Misdirection. Sergeant Colonel Powers has faked his own death, and is working undercover against the evil forces of SMERSH, or KAOS, or Count Weirdly, or something. He is in fact the one accosting LuAnn, for he knew she would come there, and will reveal all to her.

  142. Myrtle
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#117): FW: Thanks for this link. Amazing that these current “filler” strips (no apparent plotline) were created by him a year ago. They did not age well.

  143. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#136): Actually, the US Army Air Corps was what existed during World War II. The US Army Air Force was what existed during Earth-436′s World War II, when the super-powered Nazi opera singers invaded Metropolis but were then captured by Edda Burber’s grandmother.

  144. LP2004
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#141): I’m impressed. Most enlisted men think they’ve done pretty well by making Sergeant Major, but not Gary Powers. He wasn’t going to be satisfied with anything less than Sergeant Colonel!

  145. Amos Snarkadder
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Luann: Geez! Bitch enough for you, Bernice?

    Chainshaft: Shouldn’t one end of that chain be hooked to the car?

    @#16, Fashion Police
    “Mrs. Kinley surely deserves the opportunity to meet Mr. Wilbur Weston and whip him into shape.”

    That would be Miracle Whip, wouldn’t it?

  146. Mardou Fox
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Rusty is having the best time of his life. At least he is really, really near some fishing tackle, and even some champion fish! And these men are talking about him a lot! NEAT-O!

  147. Les Moore Fan Club
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#134): “one of Les’s most successful lit students” my Aunt Fannie!! Sure that hack Pete has had “commercial success,” but I, Les’s soulmate, should have been the one to carry on Les’s literary legacy. Life is sometimes brutal.

    ss

  148. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#117):

    Is there any way I can find out what a “comic book letter hack” is without actually having to read the interview? ‘Cause I think it may have something to do with those “h”-shaped “L”‘s, but I’ve only got one life to live.

  149. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#144): Most enlisted men think they’ve done pretty well by making Sergeant Major, but not Gary Powers. He wasn’t going to be satisfied with anything less than Sergeant Colonel!

    And in the Coast Guard Reserves, too!

  150. bats :[
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#22): A3GL: would it have been that difficult to shift Lu Ann over to the left (or the tombstone over to the right), so that the birth/death dates of Gary might’s been hidden?
    Yes. Yes, it would.

  151. Anonymous
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    I haven’t read back yet, so je m’excuse for any copyright infractions against y’all. : )

    MW – Why did Deborah Koons appear again in MW? Does she require yet another money-making venture, like selling T-shirts and beer glasses on the side?

    Zits-oops, I though I was in FOOBville for a moment there.

    RM – Oh dear, is this some sort of coded sex message?

    JP – Arrrgh Sam matey!

    3G – Re: the memorial stone, it appears that LuAnn’s husband was only 21 when he died.

    DtM – Cowboy Bob returns!

    FC – “Yes, I heard you screaming that the kitchen was on fire, but I thought you were kidding.”

    Curtis – don’t forget the fifth, Umami.

    Lockhorns – WTF – is he implying his wife was (as we so delicately put it in Canada) a Sex Trade Worker?

    CS – Aricept, Ed.

  152. Calico
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#151):
    Was me – I deliberately deleted a few hundred cookies last night.

  153. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#148): Is there any way I can find out what a “comic book letter hack” is without actually having to read the interview?

    Back in the 60s and 70s, comic books had letters pages (some still do, I think). “Letter hacks” were guys who spent way too much time writing letters to the editors for publication, often trying to be funny, clever or snarky. Ironically enough, they were kind of the ‘mudges of the era’s comic books.

    Not so ironically, now Batuik is just a regular hack.

  154. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#151): DtM – Cowboy Bob returns!

    I didn’t notice that! So much for, “Dennis’ adventures have been updated to reflect the interests of modern children…”

  155. Shrug, Concealing His Powers
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#84):

    “….Hmmm, Gary Powers’ MIDDLE name was Francis and the new Pope choose the Papal name of Francis for his LAST name! WHAT does this mean?”

    IF the pilot who was shot down had been John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, AND the new pope had chosen the name Pope Jingleheimer I, THEN I’d say you’ve got something there…

  156. Inkwell
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    “Young lady, are you OK?”
    …is quite possibly the dumbest line of dialogue I’ve ever seen. SHE’S CRYING IN FRONT OF A GRAVE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?

  157. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#153): Oh. I thought it meant that he had started out doing the lettering in the dialog boxes in the comic books. — You are right. Curse you! You made me look at the interview!

  158. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Concealing His Powers (#155): …AND the new pope had chosen the name Pope Jingleheimer I…

    Can I visit your universe sometime? Looks fun.

  159. Blargh
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    I’d like to think there are people out there, who, in place of actual crying, just oscillate a bit and say, “Sob, sob, sob…”

  160. Foxy J
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    My brain broke reading the description of today’s A3G. sob sob sob

  161. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#153):

    … they were kind of the ‘mudges of the era’s comic books.

    Oh, you mean proto-Wikipedia editors!

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#157):

    Ha! I shall now spend the time I would have spent reading the article laughing because you actually did!

  162. Calico
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#153):
    Oh yes, Archie comics had those too. The “best” writer would “win” something like five bucks, the shittier fake letters 1 or 2 bucks.

  163. Calico
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Now I wonder if the hacks actually won the purported amounts to supplement their meager paychecks.

  164. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    JP-And where is this home? The doctor could have gone straight to New York from Paris.

    Rose is Rose-I hope that isn’t Rose’s O-face.

    Zits-Jeremy, that is a pen. You don’t eat it. You write with it.

  165. Steve
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=44149

    Plenty of accidental funniness here! Batiuk gets a puff piece…

  166. Shrug, Unpaid
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#162):

    As I recall, it was rare (unheard of?) for authors of published comic book letters to get cash or other prizes. (It used to be somewhat more common in the letter pages of some pulp magazines in the first half of the twentieth century*.)

    I had letters in INCREDIBLE HULK and SILVER SURFER as a (relative) youth and didn’t get anything for them except the thrill of seeing my name in print. (And, forty plus years later, the embarassment of how lame they were.)

    (*No, I’m not old enough to have written letters to pulp magazines back in the 1920s or whatever, but I collect them.)

    ///The pulp magazines, not the letters.

  167. But What Do I Know?
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#131): Perhaps, although Spiderman, unlike HAL, cannot tell you exactly when he became self-aware. Or maybe he has the proportional self-awareness of a spider. . .

  168. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#161): It appears that misdirection is in order, lest I be taken for a fool!

  169. BrutusJ
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    I just realized – you must be Daredevil! Either that or something’s about to hit me in the back of the head. I’m never quite sure how to interpret what this spider-sense thing is trying to tell me

  170. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#138): DAAaang, that took ages to find.

    This Land Is Mine.

    (nsfw, violence, politics, Andy Williams.)

  171. Dale
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#69):

    If not the Army, who flies the A-10 “Warthog”?

  172. bats :[
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Truth is, Gary Powers despised Lu Ann (for any number of reasons), but once in a loveless marriage, he was unwilling to divorce her, being an honorable man and all. He made arrangements with Arlington that, were he killed in combat and interred at Arlington, the caretakers would leave no (head)stone unturned in trying to keep Lu Ann away from him, even in death. This included changing his rank, the branch of the military in which he served, and his birth and death dates. Hence, Lu Ann has to search for his one of many final resting places like a kid at an Easter egg hunt: “Oh, dear Lord — there he is.”
    And once again, the keepers of the noble death drag out a new piece of marble and the process starts all over again.

    Okay. I got nothing. But it makes about as much sense as what’s been presented.

    Oh, wait. I got something.

  173. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Yes, I just like to come into cemeteries and cry at the graves of people I don’t know.”

    A3G 2-”Young lady are you okay? Most people will cry but they don’t say ‘sob, sob, sob’.”

    MW-We’ve entered the platitude quoting stage of this story rather quickly.

    MW 2-At the insistence of Mary Worth the book is also being considered for a Pulitzer and a Noble Prize in Literature. There is also talk of it being optioned for a movie.

  174. La Cieca
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Beth shrugs? No, actually, that’s the title of my novel: Beth Shrugs. It’s about a young woman who goes Galt and leaves her vicious prune of a mother to carry her own damn luggage.”

  175. bats :[
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#141): well, there you go! Great minds and all that.
    Although I was speculating that the person addressing Lu Ann is going to be a giant talking rabbit (TBD: the Easter Bunny, Harvey or Frank from Donny Darko).

  176. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”No, I’m not okay. The Gary Powers I’m looking for was shot down while flying over the Soviet Union. This one was born thirty years later.”

    MT-”Hey, Rod. How are things?” “Are you accusing me of cheating and kidnapping?”

  177. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#171):

    That’s an Air Force plane all the way. My father was a project manager for the USAF when it was in development, he was working on developing the ammunition for the gatling gun in the nose of the aircraft. I saved a number of dummy shells, and a giant lead brick that one of them shot clear through – presents from his going away party when the project ended.

  178. saluki
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    One thing I’ve learned from Mark Trail is to never leave the house. That going out in to nature stuff looks crazy dangerous.

  179. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G-OH MY GOD! It’s current president Barack Obama. And he’s got a current newspaper with him so we know that this strip takes place nowadays and not in some idealized version of the past.

  180. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#171): the Air Force, grudgingly. They keep wanting to replace it with sexxxay fast movers, the Army keeps bitching about loiter time and offers to take it off their hands, and the Air Force is all like ‘hell no, you only get helicopters’ and we go around the merry-go-round again next defense cycle.

  181. bats :[
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#170): Wow. That is all. (This could quite possibly replace “Moon River” as my favorite Andy Williams song.)

  182. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: Who dares call my awesome orb a “wacky watch”? It’s AWESOME! Of course, since this spacefaring civilization that has had flat paneled TVs for centuries, it borders on mundane. In fact, since it faces straight up, the ergodynamics suck. It’s not 3-D. In fact, it’s not even HD. And the round screen makes watching movies really annoying. And I suppose it is watch-shaped. I have been thwarted yet again! CURSES, FLASH GORDON!!

  183. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MT-Bud and Er were never the same since their friend Weis left to go solo.

  184. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    FW: So this Lord of the Late person sits around his dark throne room trolling for idiots that he can divert into being late? He’s forced to dress in the most preposterous outfit I’ve ever seen on a villian. He’s not attractive, nor is he unattractive enough to be scary. He’s floppy of body and rather insolent of spirit. And if all of this isn’t enough to make him rethink his contract, he’s about to be defeated by an even lazier, floppier Earthling with an equally unattractive schtick.

  185. Marc
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @La Cieca (#174): I doubt “Beth Shrugs” is anywhere near as good as “Frank Dates”, a book I just finished reading and is absolute hilarious. Not that anyone asked but your title for her book made me think of it.

  186. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Is this like Will Farrell’s character in Wedding Crashers, where he has become so desperate that he moved on to funeral crashing?

  187. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @saluki (#178): and that’s not even counting the gynormous LoFo animals.

    love the nick, btw.

  188. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#180):

    I saw an A-10 pilot from the first Gulf War, discussing the “incident” in which most of one wing of his aircraft was blown off by a SAM. The engine on the side that was hit automatically shut down when it detected shrapnel in the housing, ejected the shrapnel, then re-started a split-second later, while the pilot was busy trying to regain control of his aircraft. He was then able to fly home under his own power, literally on a wing and a prayer. A-10s may not be sexxy fighter jets, but the boots on the ground aren’t the only ones who appreciate how well it fulfills the role it was designed for.

  189. Mikey
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: After this arc I’m sure we’ll see a new internet genre of bondage called ‘Rustying’. Yes, it will involve kidnap role playing,ropes and bass.

  190. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#171): @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#180): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#177):

    As I understand it, there was an inter-service treaty way back when the “Army Air Force” broke off and became just the “Air Force”. The Air Force got the fixed wing planes, and the Army kept the helicopters, and for high tech, missiles.

    The Navy was unaffected by this, and got to keep their own land army (the Marines) and their own (carrier based) Air Force, missiles, submarines, and everything else.

  191. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#188): I wonder how well it handles bird strikes and bee-grinding?

  192. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    MT-Sorry, Rod, but Mark isn’t worried about Rusty’s disappearance.

  193. Hogenmogen
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Retcon: In the 2011 strip, it says she married Mr. Powers “seven years ago”, which would be 2004. LuAnn spent the next two years apart from her husband and never mentioned him, even when he died. Now, suddenly, he’s sorely missed. Yeah, Lu. Great job.

  194. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#173):

    There is also talk of it being optioned for a movie.

    Is it being picked up by the same studio that bought the Judge’s book? Because that would be quite a coup! Coming soon, from TroutHole Productions: Rich People Doing Exciting Things! and Lonely Women Imagining They’re Doing Romantic Things!

  195. nescio
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#62): Is that Aristophanes’s The Frogs? I’ve not read it, but I remember Josh referencing it once.

    My brother once lived on a property along the Delaware River. The noise at night in the Springtime was deafening. The things some creatures do to try to get laid. Well, creatures other than Mark Trail.

  196. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#194):

    And don’t forget about how “Lisa’s Story” is going to be made into a movie too.

  197. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I’ve discovered my real mother recently so I don’t need to continue to cling to you for emotional support. I shall have my mother be the reason engagements with me and men end instead of using you as an excuse.”

  198. Mikey
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#194): and ‘A Boy Goes Fishing: Not!’

  199. Old School Allie Cat
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Wasn’t Gary Powers a commissioned officer in the Jungle Patrol?

    gilthorp – I work in the Safety Industry, and I assure you, there is no “standard” slip and fall. In a tangential, vaguely interesting note, one of the major shipping companies here in the US doesn’t train its workforce on avoiding falls – they instead teach them how to fall to avoid injury.

  200. Master Softheart
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I would like to apologize to Brooke McEldowney for significantly mischaracterizing his writing and artistic vision. It is not true that he only writes stories, plotlines, and jokes in which the plot, character, or joke are driven by men responding like socially stunted seventh graders to female sexuality and women reveling in this fact. On at least a few occasions, the narrative interest of the strip is driven by female characters behaving like socially maladapted seventh grade boys when faced with male sexuality. Since he seems to subscribe to a rather unusual form of Second Wave Feminism in which it is only humorous when women enjoy the power over others granted to them by their sexual attractiveness, this usually occurs when the object of a woman’s lust is too naive (or simply mentally retarded – I am not certain which applies to Sven in the instant case) to realize that they are evoking this reaction.

    Once again, I apologize for my unfair characterization of this strip and will try to base my observations in the future on a more comprehensive, well informed, and fair-minded understanding the artist’s vision.

    A-3G: If I might risk contradicting many thoughtful and well-informed commenters, I would suggest that Occam’s Razor explains this strip far better than the theories being put forward. Based on the available evidence, we might assume that Lu Ann’s husband has been posthumously demoted, changed to another branch of the military, and records of his dates of service altered for reasons completely unknown (perhaps to conceal a secret air war taking place in the last year of the Clinton administration involving under-age pilots). Alternately, we might assume that Lu Ann, who has been consistently characterized in this strip as being roughly as intelligent as a mentally subnormal, concussed water vole (a level of intellect standing epsilon below that of “Mark Trail Villain” according to the American Psychological Association), has in fact wandered into the wrong section of Arlington (or perhaps into another cemetery entirely) and is looking at the wrong grave. If one asks which of these interpretations demands fewer unsupported assumptions, I think it is clear that we should just be impressed that Lu Ann managed to spell “Gary Powers” and allow the story to move on.

    Spider-Man: It is impressive, and I say this with no trace of irony, that a strip about a popular and widely-loved superhero manages to be both make Mark Trail look believable and Mary Worth look exciting by sheer force of comparison. If I were Karen Moy or Jack Elrod, I would exert considerable effort behind the scenes to insure that newspapers across the country continue to run this meandering exploration of Stan Lee’s complete indifference and descent into dementia.

  201. Daniel
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Roy Lichtenstein disgusted the Pop Art world today with Suddenly, Tears Come (Sob Sob Sob . . . Young Lady Are You Okay). “It’s neither a remake nor a parody. It says nothing rather than being a statement about saying nothing. There’s none of the play with perspective that made him famous. It has no humor, no disciplined brushstrokes or comic-strip dots,” said Ben Day of the Journal of Interior Semiotics outside the Stack’s Bowers auction on Friday.

  202. Écureuil Écumant
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

  203. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#183):

    MT-Bud and Er were never the same since their friend Weis left to go solo.

    Their agent did get them an audition for a Parkay Margarine ad, though.

  204. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#173): re MW — What I want to know is… did she get a $25000 advance from her publisher, like Michael Patterson did?

  205. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    “Letter hacks” were the hardcore fan-boys who had letters published in most issues of most comics. They were as well known in the fan community as were the actual comics writers, because they were just as frequently published, and in many more titles. Mark Evanier tells the story of a woman who worked for him and Sergio Aragones handling the readers’ letters to their comic book Groo. After a few years she left and went to work for NBC Television, handling letters sent to the then-new David Letterman Show. He saw her again a few months later, and she burst into tears. She said most of the letters she handled at NBC were from those very same people who wrote most of the letters to Groo.

  206. Majicou
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#205): I really would’ve guessed that it meant being a letterer for the dialogue and captions, which would’ve been a respectable if unglamorous way to start out in the medium. Obviously, I vastly overestimated Batiuk.

  207. Écureuil Écumant
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#195): Yep, “The Frogs”, that’s the one.

    We have coquí in Hawaii now. You want nighttime noises? Those little guys just don’t quit.

  208. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    A&J: It would be an almanac that promotes nonsensical modern myths. I wonder if the American Meteorological Society has a phone app that will tell you that spring began on March 1? Or actually a calendar would work just as well.

    (Explanation here.)

  209. Uncle Shrug's Posting
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#205):

    “She said most of the letters she handled at NBC were from those very same people who wrote most of the letters to Groo.”

    Except for Topsy, who never wrote to NBC. She just Grooed.

  210. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#199): second-in-command behind Col. Hathi. . . . .

  211. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#198): I thought that one was Taken: The LoFo Edition, in which Rusty’s guardian, desperate to save him after learning of his kidnapping, rushes to a fishing tournament to accuse a guy of cheating.

  212. Peanut Gallery
    March 19th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    JP, panel 2 — “Sorry… it’s the pirate costume.”

    SFx – ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING?

  213. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#152): Tossed your cookies, huh? You must have been reading Pibgorn.

  214. I speak Jive
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#194): @Liam (#196): According to the article linked at @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#117): , we can look forward to a Crankshaft movie next year. We can’t say we weren’t warned.

  215. Mr Frog
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    MT: Villains talking like drunken pod people? Check. Rusty-troll in mortal distress? Check! Froggies? Frickin’ check, mate! This is my favourite Mark Trail ever.

    DT: We interrupt the Jumbler’s desultory attempts to set himself up as a supervillain to bring you some media mogul’s desultory attempt to force radio to be relevant again.

  216. Calico
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Unpaid (#166):
    i shall scan a couple of these letters and put them on Flickr, just for our enjoyment. : D

  217. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    JP-”She’s on her way to New York.” Shortest visit ever.

  218. Calico
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#213):
    “If you need to spew, you can spew into this.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouDDj6kr1qo

  219. Ratiocinator
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: Well, it looks like Josh was right about the Parson all along!

    Garfield: That’s no remote he’s burying. Odie is becoming more Marmaduke-like, and that’s one of his first victims.

    JP: Sam, you’re rich. You don’t need to moonlight driving a taxi any more, you realize that, don’t you?

  220. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#117):

    “You’re a year ahead? I’ve never met a cartoonist that far ahead.”

    It’s easy when you just repeat the same depressing jokes.

  221. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#217):

    Well, she will be staying overnight, which is plenty of time for her to decide she can trust Sam Driver with her life (because he is the most genuine person she has ever met), to give up her ambitions as a doctor in order to become a horse stall cleaner, to talk the owner of the farm up the road into giving up cooking meth on the property in favor of donating it to Sam and fleeing the country, and then to move in permanently.

  222. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”I don’t know yet. I’ll just wait and not see a doctor and see how things go.”

  223. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Love is… getting his degree in sexology!

    H & J — Herb doesn’t have time for church, Reverend. He’s too busy shagging his mistress Rama-Lama-Lama-Lama-Ding-Dong.

  224. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#117):

    While reading this article I was amazed to see that they are doing a complete collection edition of Funky Winkerbean.

  225. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#171):

    … who flies the A-10 “Warthog”?

    Warthog: the Thog of War!

    Awesome plane.

  226. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#221): I thought that maybe she’d abandon her work helping those undeserving impoverished Africans and devote herself to serving the needs of the far more deserving Driver Clan. Because why spend your time around cleft palates, guinea worms, and distended bellies when you can look at Pretty People (and Pretty Horses) all day?

  227. Ratiocinator
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#7):

    Gil Thorp: MILFORD (Associated Press) – Local authorities are investigating a string of bizarre non-standard slip-and-fall accidents around the city. Sources state that most victims appear to have come into contact with a “lucky” pig during a basketball game. Citizens are urged to stay indoors.

    COTFW!

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#21): One of the many regrets of my life is that I never saw that commercial when it ran. I’m gonna YouTube it as soon as I’m done here.

    @Roger Ln (#68): Heh, love it.

    But for context: I assume this was after his secret identity had already been exposed in the media, and he was trying to make a joke out of it?

  228. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#226):

    She will continue to work with underdeveloped areas. She will just shift her emphasis from malaria and hunger toward providing funding for breast implants for impoverished girls who were, somehow, not endowed with D-cups.

  229. KreatureFeatures
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @catondan (#116): Not only do coaches say “turn two” when practicing double plays, I could swear I’ve heard a coach say, “Now let’s turn three” before working on triple plays. But maybe I misremember – it all seems so long ago.

  230. TheDiva
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#205): So, Batiuk started out as a bloviating nuisance with an overinflated opinion of his importance an intelligence? Yeah, sounds about right. (Also, my spellcheck does not recognize the word “bloviating.” Go figure.)

  231. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Gary, dear, I’ve come to get a divorce. You don’t listen to me anymore and whenever I talk to you I feel like I’m talking to a slab of marble.”

  232. Calico
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

  233. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#148), @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#157), @Majicou (#206): If you’re at all interested in the work of the people who actually do put all the letters into the narration boxes and word balloons in comic books, you should check out the blog maintained by one of the best letterers in the industry, Todd Klein. In addition to technical notes on graphics design and of course fonts, he has lots of interesting things to say about the actual writing in comics, including reviews of recent issues.

    As it happens, there is by chance posted there now a blog entry from Sunday that discusses both types of comics “letters”. Specifically, he writes about the (professional-graphics) lettering that he did for the banners that appeared atop the (reader-written) letters pages in certain comics on which he worked in the late 1970s and early 1980s, when readers’ letter pages were much more common than they are now. (They have for the most part now been replaced by Internet discussion forums, duh.) You may regard this fortuitous timing with today’s thread as mere coincidence or as evidence of the interconnectedness of all things, as you wish.

  234. Calico
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#232):
    Archie and DtM, BTW – SFW

  235. Ratiocinator
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#91): Also COTFW! I don’t envy Josh having to decide between those two!

    @Anonymous (#151):

    RM – Oh dear, is this some sort of coded sex message?

    “Now why don’t YOU work on MY Tower Of Babel, baby?”

  236. Alice
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Why are the eternally-grinning Knute and the possibly developmentally delayed Ox–neither pictured here–the closest things this comic has to likeable characters?

  237. Liam
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Luann-You should get TJ to help you convince people. All he has to do is smile and people will do any dumb thing he says.

  238. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#233): Sounds interesting. Klein’s done a ton of stuff, of course, but the first thing that comes to mind is Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, where each of the Endless had highly individuated styles of lettering.

  239. Jasper
    March 19th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    GT- Wait, you call that a standard slip and fall? The guy’s practically upside down in the air. No, that’s more like a spectacular slip and fall.

    MT- Apparently these clowns don’t know Mark too well. He wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to watch a renowned angler such as Rod Bassy fish just because the mongrel Rusty is missing. Good Lord, Rusty’s been sort of on his own fending for himself the entire time they have been at this fishing tournament.

  240. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#232): Birthday-party extortion? That’s pretty menacing.

  241. Dan
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, go ahead and stick your finger in blind guy’s face, Spidey. Honestly, I think it’s kind of inspiring to see heroes overcome adversity like this… Daredevil soldiers on despite his blindness, and Spider-Man overcomes being kind of a clueless jerk.

  242. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#238): Agreed on Sandman. In addition to the wild-style lettering for the word balloons belonging to the character “Delerium”, Klein’s art was most impressive in one of the series’ last issues, where the ancient Chinese philosopher “spoke” in a really beautiful calligraphy.

  243. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#240): It’s pretty racy of Mrs. Ingram to let her bra strap slide down her right arm. Henry Mitchell will be over at Mrs. Ingram’s house later — to mooch some of HER sugar.

  244. Mikey
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#211): I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of fists; fists I have acquired over a very long career. Fists that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my hideous ward go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will punch you after I ACCUSE YOU OF CHEATING IN A BASS TOURNAMENT!!!

  245. Chip Whittle
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know about you all, but I can’t get enough of being shown how often Peter Parker is foiled by guys who notice stuff.

  246. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#105) said Re: A3G— “Her husband has been killed in all the wars of the last 100 years!”

    That explains why her nickname for him is “Kenny”.

  247. Voshkod
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Looking at the middle panel of Spider-Man gives me the willies. That grin on Daredevil’s face. I feel like the voice balloon should be “As per our ancient pact, I’ve come for your first-born,” or “I’ll take two hundred gallons of pig’s blood, please.”

    Brrrrrr.

  248. Alter Ego
    March 19th, 2013 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    love is… having a naked chick cheering for you at your graduation? That would be a proud moment.

  249. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Alte Ziege (#110) said Re: A3G— “The staff who manage Arlington National Cemetery do not let the grass get that ragged…”

    You can say what you want about Bolle, but he’s on top of current events. He’s showing that the cemetery’s maintenance budget is an early victim of the sequester.

  250. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#249): Sequester. I don’t like that word. It looks too much like Sequitur and I get confused easily.

  251. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    I dove off a cliff into the water but I should have looked first. I dove into a Ripley’s!

    In October 2012 — fire-eater CARISA HENDRIX of Calgary, Canada, held a flaming torch in her mouth for 2 minutes and 1 second!

    She now is called “Hot Lips” Hendrix.

  252. Voshkod
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#250): Non Sequester, the new comic strip by Wiley Miller in which, due to budget constraints, five percent of the strips have no punch line. Which, I might note, is a huge improvement over Miller’s current strip, Non Sequitur.

  253. Gerry
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, but wasn’t it Daredevil who told Spider-Man to see Matt Murdoch?

  254. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#252): I think he has that five percent already beat.

    Wait. I guess you meant five percent of the strips have no attempt at a punch line.

  255. Mike
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    I like the last panel of this Gil Thorp where you can already see vultures circling the corpse of the Mudlarks’ hopes of winning this year’s championship.

  256. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Mickey Mouse — Minnie’s “nephew” is the spitting image of his father. Yeah, I’m looking at YOU, Mickey!

    http://www.creators.com/comics/mickey-mouse/103334.html

  257. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#205): Puts an interesting perspective on the Late Night “Viewer Mail” segments throughout the ’80s.

  258. Alte Ziege
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#249): The groundskeepers are on the job, but the cemetery has discussed decreasing the number of internments per week.

  259. JIm in Wisc.
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    So, Greg Evans regularly trashes a young woman who’s pursuing her dream of becoming an actress (Tiffany). Now he’s trashing a young woman who believes we should spend some of our time making other people’s lives a little bit better (Delta). The dude has got some serious issues he needs to work out in his life.

  260. "Biff" Shrug, Rounding Third and Being Thrown Out at Home
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#229):

    However, even the most demanding of baseball fielding coaches don’t spend much time on teaching the guys to turn quadruple plays.

    ///Even if they do expect them to give “one hundred and ten percent.”

  261. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: This will inevitably result in somebody unhinging her top jaw from her bottom and the rest of us losing our appetites.

  262. Zerowolf
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: The gag has to remain loose enough for Rusty to say the safe word: “pancakes.”

  263. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap, everybody needs to stop what they’re doing and go read Bouletcorp. Scroll down to the cards if you have to.

  264. Celeste
    March 19th, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    I doubt they bothered with knots at all. They probably wrapped a rubber band around Rusty’s hands once and told him it was handcuffs. And it worked.

  265. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Wee Pals — Former President dictator of Haiti Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier puts in an appearance today. (And he’s wearing Jughead’s hat for some reason!)

    http://www.creators.com/comics/wee-pals/103478.html

  266. Zerowolf
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: Hey, blond boy, the name of this strip is Mary Worth. I’m the one with the sacharine platitudes here. Don’t make me say an aphorism you can’t refuse.

  267. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    I suppose it would help if I gave you a link to Bouletcorp.

  268. Zerowolf
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: If only Ed were a Buddhist and set himself on fire.

  269. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    A&J: If you’re following agricultural mythology, you should plant in the dark of the moon, so that your crop will be encouraged to grow by sympathetic magic with the waxing moon.

    So why is it that you should plant genetically modified crops at the full moon? Is this some extremely subtle joke I’m not getting?

  270. Comic-Strip Shrug-Guy'sl Late Reviews
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Comic-Strip Shrug-Guy’s Reviews (#97):

    POOCH CAFE: Poncho gets in touch with his Inner Bitch. It’s not pretty.

  271. Zerowolf
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Comic-Strip Shrug-Guy’sl Late Reviews (#270): Does that mean he humps his own leg?

  272. Comic-Strip Shrug-Guy\'s Late Reviews
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

  273. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @JIm in Wisc. (#259): If I were an old person, I’m not sure I would be that happy about people filling up my house with cheaply made baskets that I have no use for.

  274. tODD
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    “Young lady, are you okay? Why are you crying? Is it because of the dead people? Or because someone forced you to wear a pink undershirt with your pink blouse? … It’s the dead people, isn’t it? Do you know one of them? Sorry, *did* you, before he died? Are you thinking about how his body looked before it was eternally enclosed, all lifeless-like, in that plot of earth? Is that why you’re crying, young lady? … I’m just curious, is all. All my loved ones are still alive.”

  275. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#267): His new comics show up on Facebook, so I’m keeping up with him now–love this one. Thanks for introducing his work to those of us who didn’t know it before!

  276. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @JIm in Wisc. (#259) said Re: Luann— “…Now he’s trashing a young woman who believes we should spend some of our time making other people’s lives a little bit better (Delta)….”

    Evans recognizes that anyone would tire of Delta’s relentless sanctimony. I’m also glad to see that he has returned my favorite incestuous bisexual comics character, Bernice, to her harridan ways.

  277. Sgt. Stoned
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: After winning the bass-fishing contest, Rod Bassy decides to lay low by changing his name to Carl Cakemaker and moving to Santa Royale.

    GT: The old wino who slipped on the ice dies and gets reincarnated as a peacock bringing good luck to the Milford H.S. baseball team until they make the “playdowns” and another team shows up with a pig. Gil, once again AWOL for the whole season, shows up to coach the last game.

    MW: Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.

  278. Alison
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Hey, Delta, it’s really nice that you want to help out random old people who probably don’t give a rat’s ass about Easter baskets, but if you are such a good person, maybe you should start by calling out your friend Luann for always being so mean to Tiffany. Charity begins at home, yes?

    “Mark Trail”: Sooo…that’s really the plan? Keep Rusty hostage in the van for an entire day, even though you know people are already looking for him? Really, no matter how annoying Mark Trail is, it’s hard for me to root against him with bad guys this stupid.

    “Mary Worth”: And once again, two characters are going to fall madly in love solely because one is a man and one is a woman and they happened to be in the same place at the same time. Just once I’d like to see Mary try to set up a relationship and hear later, “Sorry, but he/she is just not my type.”

  279. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#273): If I were an old person whatever you say, pal I’m not sure I would be that happy about people filling up my house with cheaply made baskets that I have no use for.

    That would depend on whether I embraced your mistress, or your principles! Heh heh!

    No wait! I mean, cheaply made baskets full of cash! Yes!

  280. Alice
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @JIm in Wisc. (#259): @Alfred E. Neuman (#276): Both of you have a point. Delta, in the previous comic, was being self-righteous about her dietary choices vis-à-vis Bernice’s, and in today’s is suggesting a volunteer project that’s ill-defined (baskets of what? Easter eggs? chocolate bunnies? and which senior citizens?), and that she’s considering having Fogarty rope the whole class into doing. Bernice, for her part, rather than recognizing that somewhere in there is a genuine desire to help others, and thus offering more concrete and realistic suggestions, is instead being her usual dismissive, insulting self.

  281. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#277): They also don’t make passes at women who cut their hair with a weed whacker.

  282. Mysterion
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Wait. There’s a standard slip and fall? And it looks like that? You mean I’ve been doing it wrong all this time? Why didn’t any of my friends ever tell me!?! I had to find out from Gil Thorpe!

  283. Uncle Lumpy
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#252), @Sequitur (#254):

    You mean Wiley isn’t his last name? Crap – I coulda used those neurons for something useful.

  284. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#269): My thought is that she’s now reading the Old Farmer’s Almanac as some sort of app on her phone, and so it’s going to be all up to date and modern and everything.

  285. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#283):
    Don’t worry. Those neurons are due for recycling. Just drink beer and listen to Cliff Clavin.

  286. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#277):

    Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.

    Wanna bet?

  287. Midtown
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “Hey, we can deliver Easter baskets to the senior group at the Jewish Community Center, and maybe we can get Mr. Fogarty to give us class credit for making religious-themed articles on public school property!”

  288. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

  289. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Midtown (#287): I can see all those elderly Jewish ladies making shakshouka.

  290. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    At the palatial residence of the Viscount Bilgewater, in the drawing room. Present: Dick Tracy, Chief Patton, Vitamin Flintheart, Jumble Jeff, Doc, Sam Catchem, Rod Bassy.

    CHIEF. Thanks for your hospitality, Lord Bilgewater, the police department appreciates it!
    BILGEWATER. Delighted to help, Chief Patton, but I still don’t understand what I have to do with all of this…
    TRACY. It’s a common mystery convention, trope, or meme, Lord Bilgewater. Cases are often cleared up in the drawing room of some swanky mansion, with all the suspects present.
    BILGEWATER. Oh. Quite. Yes, I knew that.
    SAM. The genre’s a waste of time!
    TRACY. Shut up, Sam. And put out that cigarette!
    SAM. (muttering) I need to meet the peacock!
    TRACY. You see, it all started back during World War II, when…
    CHIEF. No, no, Dick. That was the last case.
    TRACY. Oops. Sorry, wrong script. What I meant to say was, when the moon colony went missing…
    DOC. It’s probably outside.
    BILGEWATER. Yes, it is. Dancing the mortise and tenon, just out the window there.
    FLINTHEART. Hot water with lemon! So, it WAS some gunsel on the gooseberry lay!
    TRACY. Not exactly, Vitamin. What it comes down to, is, Rod Bassy is, in fact, a great fisherman, and a heck of a guy, as well!
    BASSY. Are you accusing me of cheating!
    CHIEF. Clam down, Bassy! So, if it wasn’t Moon Maid, and the gunsel’s innocent, that can only mean…
    TRACY. Right. Jumble Jeff, stand clear of that trebuchet!
    JUMBLE. Outta my way, copper! You’ll never take me alive! (Throws NYT crossword puzzle dictionary, launches himself out window)
    SAM. Ouch! My spleen!
    CHIEF. (Looking out window) Oh. I’m afraid he’s, he’s…
    TRACY. All jumbled up. Yes. Poor kid! A mere anagram of his former self!
    FLINTHEART. I say, Lord Bilgewater, any more of those mojitos around?
    BILGEWATER. Sorry old chap. That was the very last!
    [ALL] (Laughter).
    (Theme music)
    ANNOUNCER. Join us next week when Federated Lard presents Dick Tracy and… Dancers, as in Exotic!
    CHORUS. ♫Lard lard lard lard lard
    It makes you brave!
    It makes you hard!
    It’s the other shortening! ♫
    ANNOUNCER. Federated Lard, trusted for generations! And tune in Saturday morning kids, when Federated Lard presents the Further Adventures of Pat the Pig!

  291. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#288): Of course, the text at that top of that page demonstrates that “wearing glasses” does not equal “being literate.” Grammatica cringes (and wrinkles her glasses-bearing nose in distaste).

  292. gbeenie
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Man, every time a question mark appears in newspaper Spider-Man, I keep hoping that Al Jaffee will show up to make with a Snappy Answer.

    Alas, I am eternally disappointed.

  293. Peanut Gallery
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#290): Oh, well done! Sadly, it looks like it will be weeks before DT actually wraps up any of those story lines. Or forever, if they keep stopping to launching new ones.

    News flash! Federated Lard will soon bring you Pat the Pig, the computer-animated TV series! In which Pat will be beautifully rendered.

  294. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#288): Hell, even Amazons have been known to wear glasses:

    http://michaelmay.us/08blog/0908_wwamazondoctor.jpg

  295. LUJBEM FEJF
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#290): It’s like you were there! You know, I don’t know if I should say anything, but… there was a violence issue with the Jumbler story. I’m wondering if that’s why it’s been interrupted?

  296. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#291): Proof that wearing glasses does not equal intelligence. However, wearing glasses is not a deal breaker.

    I have known good looking ladies wear glasses in an effort to look smarter. My sister, a former model, once did this. She had 20/20 vision.

  297. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    March 19th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Thalia Clearing, eh? As in clearing out your bank accounts?

    Nice eye patch you got there in panel two Sam!

  298. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#290): I don’t read Dick Tracy but if you were writing it I probably would read it.

  299. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#294): What glasses?

    Oh, I need to look up.

  300. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    An Open Message To Our Fans And Readers
    We here at Jamus T. Bartender Publishing House Inc. strive to educate as well as entertain. With our “Tales Of Goldberg’s” and “The Cat And The Curmudgeon” features, we hope to show how to run a tavern into the ground.
    We also get mail here, at JTBPHInc. “Dear Jamus. Why did you saddle Cassandra with a kid? You just jumped the shark, dude.” and ” Dear Jamus, when will you have more stories with the girls from My Cage getting drunk and making out?” All valid statements and questions, indeed. So, starting today, we here at JTBPHInc. embark on our “2.0 ” program. No one knows what in hell it means…something to do with computers, but it sounds cool, and the kids like computers, so, there ya go. With our new program, we will show new and fresh characters in a diverse milieu of settings….western, science fiction, horror, even Japanese anime…but with all of the freaky sex and drugs and dysfunction that you’ve come to expect from our beloved characters.
    Having said that, here are some snippets from some of our new features. Jamus, Inc. presents:

    True An’ Gritty Kitty: The Adventures Of Clementine Cat : A Tale Of The Ol’ West

    Ch. 1. Papa Gets Himself Shot.

    People do not give it credence that a young cat girl could leave home and go off to avenge her father’s blood. A VERY young cat girl. But not too young. Still legal. A young-ish 21. Okay, 22. Times are tough in the ol’ west. Anyhoo, a coward by the name of The Coward Tom Weirdly shot my father down in a bar fight over a game of cards and stole one of his California gold pieces.
    On the SAME night I planned to steal them.
    SO. I had to go after him, didn’t I?
    Papa’s body was at Fort Crock whereupon my maid Gertie and myself went to the undertaker to identify him.
    “Yeah ,that’s him.” I said.
    “Lordy, Jesus, he’s gone home, Praise The Lord.” Gertie said.
    The undertaker said, ” If you would like to kiss him, it would be all right.”
    “Ew, no way, ” I said. “He looks like the guy from Dorian Grey. And you charged fifty bucks for this? Just because we’re bereaved doesn’t make us saps!!”
    “He’s gone to heaven, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord indeed, “said Gertie.
    “The particulars are in your bill, Miss Cat. If you would like to kiss him with tounge, it would be all right.” said the undertaker.
    “Yeah, that’s another thing, how in hell are we gonna close the casket with his tounge sticking out a foot?”.
    “You can put a shroud over it. Please, I would like it very much if you kissed him. Long. And hard.” said the undertaker.
    “You are a sick man. I am off to watch a hanging because what the hell, and go find a man that is true an’ gritty to help me find The Coward Tom Weirdly”
    *************************************************************
    After watching Aldus Kelrast hung for stalking Mary Worth , owner of the Charterstone Boarding house, I went to meet with Sherriff Richard Tracy. “Nah, we haven’t had time to go after The Coward Tom Weirdly. First off, there’s an illegal deputies strike for better working conditions, secondly, he lit off in Indian territory with “Bacon Head” Jeff Keane and the Keane Brothers, so that falls out of my jurisdiction. He’s the business of the US Marshalls, now.”
    I asked him. “Tell me of these US Marshalls. Are any of them true an’ gritty?”
    Sherriff Tracy nodded. “Well, yeah, but they’re also on strike for pensions and health insurance. Only one available is Jamus “Rooster” T. Bartender. He’s a US Marshall, when he feels like it. Rest of the time, he runs the “Tumbleweeds Titty Bar and Brothel”. You’ll find it. Everyone does.”
    So, I was resolved to find this “Tumbleweeds Titty Bar And Brothel.” It was easy to find, what with the smell of cheap perfume and ladies underwear lying in the street. I recited the 23rd Psalm and knocked on the door.
    “Mister Jamus ‘Rooster’ The Bartender?” I asked.
    “Speaking.” came a raspy voice, accompanied by giggling of what I presumed must have been the aforementioned sex workers.
    ” I have business with you, Mister The Bartender. I am Clementine Cat, daughter of Bill T. Cat, who was recently murdered by The Coward Tom Weirdly, and I wish to see him caught and hanged.”
    After more giggling, an unshaven face, smelling of liquor and Calvin Klein perfume came from behind the door.” Yeah, yeah, I heard about that….i’m sorry.”
    “Sorry does not begin to cover it, Mister Jamus “Rooster” The Bartender. The sherriff has no men and Weirdly is in Indian Territory. I am here to settle my father’s affairs, and I intend to see him hanged. I will pay you fifty dollars now and another fifty when Weirdly is caught and hanged. What do you say?”
    Jamus’ eyes were not meeting mine, but rather, at my own ample breasts.”I’m sorry….what was that?”
    “You have a woman’s panties draped on your head, Mister The Bartender!” I said in what I hoped was a very cross voice.
    “Oh. Yeah…..” Jamus said as he quickly put the offending garment in his pocket. ” But…I don’t see what you want me to do about it. You want a job? I can help you there. You over eighteen?”
    “I do not want a job, Mister The Bartender, I want to see my father’s death avenged!”
    “Right, right, I got that. Well, tonight is two for one rail drinks, but come by tommorow at the courthouse, I have to renew my liquor license, and we’ll talk then….” then he slammed the door and proceeded to make motorboat noises with the women there.

    ** Ch. 2: Let’s Make A Deal
    After meeting with The Reprobate Jamus The Bartender, I went to meet with Miss Abbey Spencer, to whom father sold a mess of ponies that he wouldn’t need now that he was dead.
    I went into Miss Abbey’s office where she was painting the walls. “Greetings, Miss Clementine Cat. I heard of your father’s death. I am very sorry. How may I help you?”
    I sat down. ” I wish to sell back the ponies my papa bought, so I may give money to The Reprobate US Marshall Jamus The Bartender, so that he may go to Indian Territory and hunt down the Coward Tom Weirdly who is running with the Baconhead Jeff Keane and the Keane Brothers. For three hundred dollars.”
    Miss Abbey bit her lip. “Yeaahhh…I thought it might be something like that…..I can give you a hundred for them, but no more than that.”
    I made my lower lip quiver. ” But….but…..I need mo….mo….more moneeeeyyyy…” Then I made the tears start to flow. This is a good talent for a young girl to have who intends to avenge her father’s blood.
    “I know, I know….but listen…the horse market is all kinds of nuts right now….”
    “But….but…my ….my Daddy’s DEEEEEAAAADDDDDDD!!!!” Then I “went full nuclear” as they like to say. I wept as though Christ himself were on the cross at Galilee. Or is it Gesthemane? I forget which.
    Abbey sighed. ” Okay, okay…will that be cash or check?”
    I wiped my tears. “I need to see some ID.”
    **********************************************************
    And that’s just the beginning. Be sure to stay tuned to see more stories from the Jamus T. Bartender Publishing House Universe. AND….be assured, we won’t pull any reboot shit like DC Comics did.
    Jamus T Bartender, CEO.

  301. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#295): Thanks!

    // A violence issue? In Dick Tracy? Heaven forfend!

  302. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

  303. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Hastune Miku also disagrees.

    (wallpaper sized image, nsf dialup. . . .)

  304. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    I am rather ashamed to admit it, but I turned on “Splash” when I got home from work. (honestly, I wanted to see Ndamukong Suh.)

    having seen the last 15 minutes or so, all I can say is. . .

    grown-up Rudy Huxtable??? daaaaaaaaaaaaaaang.

  305. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#300): Ok. So you can parody Charles Portis. Big deal. It’s a classic, the rhythms of the speech are so distinctive it just writes itself. Ok, smart guy: try writing a parody of the computer classic: The C Programming Language, by Kerningham and Ritchie. Hah! Not so easy is it? Hello world!

    // Just kidding. Fulgent. Effulgent. And refulgent!

  306. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#304): I heard them talk about “Splash” on the radio on my way home from work. Was Louie Anderson really one of the celebs?

  307. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    GT: Yes, that was just a “standard” slip-and-fall. Although he got good marks for style, he still didn’t score many points on account of the low degree of difficulty. For a truly superior gold-medal-winning slip-and-fall, you need to bonk the top of your head. Fortunately, that’s the one athletic feat that Gil is really good at. I just hope that pesky Rusty Trail stays kidnapped, so that he can’t take any incriminating photos that catch the Mudlarks’ cheating by bashing themselves in the head with tree branches.

  308. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#305): Will it lend itself to Cassandra Cat stealing stuff? And ladies’ panties? Because then I might be able to work it.

  309. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#290): Now THIS is good. I used to listen to old radio shows when I was a kid, and seem to be easy to find online. Wish they still did that. I mean, besides Garrison Keillor.

  310. Jamus The Bartender
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#304): A buddy of mine met her when he went to law school. His reaction was pretty much the same.

  311. Peanut Gallery
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#307): “I wanted to complain.”
    “Oh no, that’s next door. It’s being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.”
    “What a stupid concept.”

  312. seismic-2
    March 19th, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#305): Actually, writing a parody of that book is rather simple. First, write a parody of the book, in the style of Ernest Hemingway. (You may call it The Old Man and the C, if you wish.) Then, just carefully edit it and re-write it, but this time being a lot more terse.

  313. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

  314. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

  315. GrafSpee
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#170): Re: This Land is Mine. If you like Nina Paley’s style, you should check out her feature film: Sita Sings The Blues, available on her web site.

  316. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#312): Did I ever tell you about my sister, who’s in the software business in Miami? She sells C-Shells by the sea shore.

  317. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#278) @Alison (#278):

    re: mary worth — or that when tom saw beth, he hissed like an angry cat, “she’s the one who drove me to two years of solitary depression, you insane biddy, what are you trying to do to me?”

    alternatively, beth could have slugged tom with her water glass “you broke my heart in 7th grade and i have never gotten over it!”

    *anything* to break up mary’s run of successful meddling

  318. Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#312): So, all that work, translating it into Latin… wasted.

  319. Anonymous
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    “Some kindly off-panel person”… I assumed it was GARY’s GHOST!

  320. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Apt 3- Apparently Mr. X that’s come to tell Luann that’s she’s close….closer than she thinks!!!!

  321. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#314): eeeeyup.

    apparently, during filming, he was too exhausted to actually get out of the pool, and had to be dragged out by Suh and other contestants.

  322. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#318): Not necessarily. The College of Cardinals and maybe even the Pope could be into C programming. It just has to be marketed correctly.

    Wait. They’re probably into C++ programming.

  323. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

  324. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

  325. Sequitur
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

  326. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

  327. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#309): BBC does a lot of radio drama, comedy, documentaries, etc., and you can listen to them on-line.

    They just started a radio version of Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere.

    A six part adaption of Neil Gaiman’s novel adapted by Dirk Maggs for Radio 4 and Radio 4 Extra, sees James McAvoy as Richard lead a stellar cast which includes Natalie Dormer, David Harewood, Sophie Okonedo, Benedict Cumberbatch, Christopher Lee, Anthony Head, David Schofield, Bernard Cribbens, Romola Garai, George Harris, Andrew Sachs, Lucy Cohu, Johnny Vegas, Paul Chequer, Don Gilet and Abdul Salis.

  328. Majicou
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#302): Oh, if Dorothy Parker had only known.

  329. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    March 19th, 2013 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    “Mark, I saw this article about how kidnapping can cause a lifetime of trauma for a kid! Plus, I confirmed: Catfish is a registered sex offender! Look, Mark, we know they have Rusty in a van with “Rod Bassy” on the side, in big letters, and we know they have to be close enough to get to the tournament tomorrow! Let’s call the cops! We can at least spare poor little Rusty one day of depraved sexual torment!”
    “But Bluegill, think of what it would mean if we could catch the “great” Rod Bassy in the act of cheating and expose him to the world! Plus, so much can go wrong in those SWAT operations! Plus, like I said, I might have a little…warrant problem!”
    “I just feel sorry for that poor little kid, at the mercy of a predator like Catfish!”

    “I don’t feel too good about leaving the kid tied up in the van – you know, the one with “Rod Bassy” in big letters on the side – all day! He could escape, he could attract attention, someone could find him!”
    “Someone could find his body, Catfish!”
    “Yeah, but his body won’t escape or make noise, Rod! We need to kill him now!”
    “Sorry, Catfish, I don’t have time to deal with this right now! I have a bass tournament to win! We’ll deal with the kid after I’ve won! Besides, don’t you want some “alone” time with the kid?”
    “NO! Look, I was gonna, but- did you ever really look at that kid? REALLY LOOK? I was gonna do…stuff, but now, the thought just makes me gag! Seeing that face made me feel like I never wanted to have sex again for the rest of my life!”
    “That’s great, but I need to get my head in the right space to WIN A BASS TOURNAMENT!”

  330. Adam Bahm
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Is Gary Powers related to Kenny Fucking Powers?

  331. Droopy Says
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Uh, dude? Spiderblight climbed in through the window. So unless your office has an exit marked “Suicide,” maybe you’d better hang onto that white cane.

    Family Circus: Please tell me that Bily’s bored look is a symptom of something fatal. Please?

    Mock Travail: Or, since you two morons aren’t going to call the cops, you could say “Where do Rod Bassy and Catfish obtain their big live fish? I’ll bet it’s at the kind of store where they sell live fish! Is there a T Rading Post outlet nearby?”

    Funky’s Flunkies: Don’t forget the audience, which is also feeling very cross with this schlock.

    Flatulence Alley: Scancarelli is still going on about this donkey horsecrap?

    Mock Travail: Oh, yeah, it’s going to be real hard to find the famous Rod Bassy at a fishing contest. He’ll probably never step forward with the biggest fish of the day! Much less bring his boat and not wait for the famous outdoor writer Mark Trail to join him.

    Phantom: Where’s the big kitty?

    Mock Travail: “So help me?” “I’ll help you?” Get real. You two are both helpless.

    Pluggers: “Uh, guy, your girlfriend is a real dog . . . ”

    Shoe: Birds don’t shave. Roz, tell her to go pluck herself.

  332. Alison
    March 19th, 2013 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#317):
    I agree that it would be amazing to see Mary’s run of meddling come to an abrupt end! And yeah, good point, how does Mary know that these people she’s always matchmaking don’t know each other? She never asks any questions before she shoves people in each others’ faces, except for basic questions like “What’s your name?” or whatever.

    I personally think Elinor is just the person to ruin Mary’s latest meddling scheme. I don’t know how she could do it, exactly, but I know that it would end perfectly: Mary, her mouth hanging open in shock that she failed, with Elinor saying triumphantly, “Meddling’s a waste of time!”

  333. Chip Whittle
    March 20th, 2013 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Ah, Mark Trail. “It’ll be tough finding Rod’s van with all of the fishermen in town for the tournament! We’re going to have to look for the lone van to have ever appeared in on-panel, the one with ‘ROD BASSY’ written across it, with the loud Rod Bassy standing around shouting ‘WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’VE KIDNAPPED RUSTY TRAIL?’ when he notices he’s glanced at by a person or a rock or a giant squirrel or a tree or a duck.” Don’t ever change.

  334. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 20th, 2013 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wasn’t a key part of this story arc the fact that Sven is a bit stupid? But now he sounds like he’s swallowed a thesaurus.

    Oh, right. It’s Brooke. Consistency is for little minds or something. Carry on…

  335. Baka Gaijin
    March 20th, 2013 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#250): How about we substitute the word “semester” for “sequester?”

    @Nehemiah Scudder, Canon Fodder (#316): Groan!

  336. Baka Gaijin
    March 20th, 2013 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    “It’ll be tough finding Rod Bassy’s van…” Mark Trail’s observational sense must work as well as Spidey Sense.

    Oh boy. Wednesday’s Apartment 3-G introduces Luann the concept of “necrophilia.”

    I don’t understand the whole meme of “The first day of spring all men take the grill out of storage.” Most dedicated grillers I know grill all year round, feet of snow notwithstanding.

    I think we just saw Chutney’s O-Face in Curtis. Curtis the strip, not Curtis the boy.

  337. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    March 20th, 2013 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Mark: Credit to Bluegill for saying his lines with a straight face.

    Judge: The money’s going for expensive personal injury defense lawyers. It turns out that “you’ll put someone’s eye out” isn’t just an expression. French OSHA requires Neddy to wear nipple shields when on French soil.

  338. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 20th, 2013 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Oh, goody. Not only has the story been reduced to porn and story-telling by proxy, Scheherazade appears to have been writ completely out of her own story.

    Hint, Brooke: just because your succubus is female doesn’t excuse the misogyny of this revision, in which no human woman is clever enough to save herself (let alone her sister and all the others), and your succubus had to be fed her lines, being capable only of sex and annihilation.

    Barfaroo.

  339. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    March 20th, 2013 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Not to mention, in the original, because he was redeemed by her courage and creativity and faithfulness, he went on to become a better ruler. Here… who knows. Probably some other paranoid, brutal, and power-hungry dude will just step into the vacuum left here, and never mind the chaos in between.

  340. John C Fremont
    March 20th, 2013 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    I really don’t have anything clever to say today, but I do want to take this opportunity to give a sincere thank you to Mike Manley for panel three of today’s Judge Parker.

    Great googly-moogly!

  341. Mr. O’Malley
    March 20th, 2013 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#339): We wouldn’t want the original classic tales full of timeless wisdom competing with the modern master.

  342. gleeb
    March 20th, 2013 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    3-G: Don’t do it, Luann! “My boy” is what he calls his genitals.

    ‘shaft: A horrible old man will be electrocuted and it’s funny!

    ‘bean: Let’s see…the “mopey disaster” genre and the “sexist gag” genre? No, wait, the “loser” genre and the “they still publish that” genre. That’s it, isn’t it?

    F-: I hope that kitten is just asleep.

    Mark: The fish have heard Rod Bassy is around and are screaming in horror.

  343. J.R. Clark
    March 20th, 2013 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#132): Francis Gary Powers was a former US Air Force pilot detailed to the CIA who flew U-2 reconnaissance missions over the Soviet Union. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Gary_Powers

  344. Morgan Wick
    March 25th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Did Apartment 3-G turn into Mary Worth when I wasn’t looking?

    Oh, and Josh, yes, that pretty much is how superheroes make friends. At least they aren’t fighting over some boneheaded misunderstanding, as close as they came earlier.

Comments are closed for this post.