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Also, has Shoe’s desk always been a trash can?

B.C., 4/12/13

Poetry is in essence an auditory medium, meant to be heard, and if that means that sometimes you have to sacrifice ease of comprehension to euphony, so be it! In unrelated news, the poem that Wiley is writing in today’s B.C. is confusing and also sounds stupid when you read it aloud. Anyway, ladies, don’t look get all uppity and dress too sexy at the gym, or you’re a whore who’ll lose your boyfriend, I guess? You don’t want to lose your boyfriend! He sounds like a real prize, what with all his opinions about your sexy gymwear.

Shoe, 4/12/13

See, because “carbon footprint” is a thing, but what if it were … carbon buttprint, eh? Wouldn’t that be funnier? Because of butts? I actually am enjoying Shoe’s violent temper tantrum, so it pains me to point out that any joke about “carbon buttprints” that doesn’t involve farts is garbage.

Spider-Man, 4/12/13

Kingpin is a busy CEO who doesn’t have time to travel to every dark alley in the city to personally taunt every superhero dosed with his terrifying mind-control gas. That’s why he turned to Cisco’s range of innovative telepresence solutions! Cisco’s Autonomous Hovering TerrorScreen® will navigate city streets along with your henchmen, beaming video and audio over encrypted private networks to your office/lair. You’ll be able to issue commands to your new willing slave and then get back to managing the rest of your diverse enterprise — all without stepping outside. Cisco: Tomorrow Starts Here™!

Funky Winkerbean, 4/12/13

Ha ha, Les got a big check because his sad book about his dead wife is going to be turned into a movie on basic cable, and then he got a boner! This plot is already so much more traumatizing than I could have possibly imagined.

349 responses to “Also, has Shoe’s desk always been a trash can?”

  1. Huckleberry Fink
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Love is… wishing your comic was drawn by the REAL Mark Trail:

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Love_Is&feature_date=2013-04-12

    Pluggers… talk to their TV sets more than they talk to their spouses:

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Pluggers&feature_date=2013-04-12

  2. Derelict
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    Hey! Don’t be too hard on Les! Other than wanking to his wife’s pre-mortum tapes, what else does he have?

  3. Ratiocinator
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    JP: “Ooh, she likes to get drunk and pass out in the bathtub too! A girl right after my own heart!”

    RMMD: I can think of no snark for this, so I’ll just say that it’s silly. Milton’s saying that he can’t do ANYTHING to change? Even if he’s an alcoholic who “adore[s] [his] martinis” and would have trouble changing that, it’s not as though it’d be equally difficult to cut back on work, or eat less, or do some exercise, right?

    As I recall, Milton was described as a self-made man who scratched and clawed for everything he got, which paints a picture of a guy who’s willing to work hard and fight for what matters to him instead of just giving up and saying “Oh woe is me, I have no willpower at all, so I guess I’ll just be dying soon!”

  4. gleeb
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    @Derelict (#2): Wanking to the post-mortem tapes?

  5. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    JP-Reading the dialog between these two women I swear there is lesbian sex going on off panel.

    JP 2-”Can we bring you anything to eat?” “Yeah. Your pussy.”

    A3G-I voted for the other guy in the last election.

    Love Is-And where is Mark Trail making her appreciate nature.

    MT-”Except for Rusty. I’ll make up some sort of excuse on why I won’t be to take him camping. ”

    MW-Tom looks like a Ken doll and Beth looks like Wilbur in drag.

    MW 2-”Beth, you’re a beautiful woman.” And Mary can actually deliver that lie with a straight face too.

  6. Droopy Says
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    Josh, be glad that Evans isn’t drawing Funky Winkerbean, or we’d have a crotch shot of Creepy Les that would create a psychological disaster of Biblical proportions.

  7. Chareth Cutestory
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: If you removed the dialogue from this strip and just made it into a visual story of Les getting shot down, that would be my all time favorite Funky Winkerbean ever.

  8. Huckleberry Fink
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    @Derelict (#2): “Hard on” and “Les” should never be in the same sentence.

  9. mvg
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    FW: OK, we FINALLY have an explanation for Cayla’s marrying Creepy Les: She’s in it for the money. Still, that was a helluva roll of the dice–what were the odds he’d actually make anything decent off the film rights to his one salable book? But now that the chekcs are starting to roll in, she’s all, “Get in there & start typing. If you can knock out 20 pages of script today, I’ll let you have one of your Lisa tapes and the K-Y & leave you alone in the den for an hour.”

  10. sully
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Wimpy Les’ wife is a money-grubbing ‘ho, but when she inevitably dies a horrible cancerous death, at least he’ll have material for his next depressing screenplay. That’s about as up-beat as this daily downer gets.

  11. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Trauma trauma trauma!
    Trauma trauma trauma! Hey!

  12. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    MT: Mark takes the Wilber Weston approach to relationships: When confronted by a curvaceous, eager woman in a halter top, eat a sandwich.

    SM: Wait, didn’t Kingpin take Spider-Man’s DNA so he could control him? Did Spidey and DD literally swap spit?

  13. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#1): Love is…: …like Pluggers. One day it’s one thing, a week later it’s pretty much the opposite. Betcha in a couple of weeks we’ll have “Love is… letting her sleep in a warm bed instead of taking her camping.”

    // There’s a MT tie in here, but I haven’t the energy.

  14. pugfuggly
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    BC I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt here and assume we’re still in cave-man land, where ‘dressing up’ is wearing the hide of your slain enemy. Because really, no one wants that mess on the pile of rocks and twigs you use for a weight machine.

    ASM Wait, isn’t Daredevil Kingpin’s nemesis? You’ve got the real threat taken care of, why are you risking it by having him go after incompetent one? This is like Lex Luthor hypnotizing Superman into killing Aquaman. Or Aquaman’s pet octopus or something.

  15. LP2004
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    FW: “Man, raking in lots of cash from my first wife’s painful death from cancer is a real turn-on!”

    “Not now, you’ve got to get to work so that we can rake in even more cash from your first wife’s painful death from cancer!”

    How is it possible for Batiuk to not realize how utterly repulsive his characters are?

  16. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#12): I was thinking that Spiderman’s ‘straw sample’ contained DD’s DNA too…. but I wasn’t thinking spit.

  17. Old Folkie
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Poetic justice.

    MT: Enjoy your time away from work? When did you ever do any work?

    A3G: Lu Ann has personal space issues.

    Luann: Menage a trois? NON!

  18. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    FW- Get to work Les! That check was big but my 50% divorce settlement will be much bigger after you polish this cable turd to a shine.

  19. nescio
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    FW: Will there be plenty of time for that after the script is finished? I think Les’s wife just predicted her own imminent death. Oh well, but at least we won’t have to think about Les getting laid.

    B.C.: I think Wiley is descending into dementia, thinking up poems about nonsense concepts like “gyms,” “highways,” and “uphold affirmation ‘my way’” while he repeatedly scratches a twig on the upper left hand corner of a slab of stone.
    Or else the artist is trying to cut into Slylock Fox’s lucrative “find the differences between these four panels” market.

  20. Doctor Handsome
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Kingpin must have spent a fortune on that funky retro-sci-fi floating video monitor, so he can Skype with his mind-control victim. The blind guy.

  21. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Josh: You are absolutely right about the BC verse. That’s wretched. Little rhyme, and no reason. And he gets paid for this?

    // I wouldn’t post crap like that here at 2am after a dozen mojitos — and neither would any of our other ‘mudge poetasters.

  22. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: HOLY HOOCHIE MAMA

  23. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#21): The truly frightening things are: a)Even I could write better crap than that, and b)Somebody got paid to write that crap, possibly even a freelance gag writer.

  24. Bootsy
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    This is the best Funky Winkerbean ever. Once you get past creepy panel 1, where Les seems to be humping his wife’s leg, you get to panel 2, when she tells him he’s never getting any ever (good) to fabulous panel 3, where she pushes him out of a window!

    I bask in it.

  25. LP2004
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    MT: Gotta say, Cherry’s rockin’ that halter top today. Now, maybe TRMT can slowly change her hairstyle to one that isn’t five decades out of date.

  26. Huckleberry Fink
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Edge City: Love is… sitting stiff and upright on the couch. Is this a happily married couple or a couple of corpses?

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Edge_City&feature_date=2013-04-12

  27. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    FW – Wait, so grabbing your wife from the side, telling her that getting a check in the mail is a big turn-on for you, and then dry-humping her leg isn’t a one-way ticket to sexytimes? I guess this also explains Judge Parker’s newfound disillusionment with his own trophy wife.

  28. Doctor Handsome
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Wiley really should disclose that promotional considerations have been paid for by Curves.

  29. Brent
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking that the only way this Shoe makes sense is if “Carbon Buttprint” is code for taking a dump on the copier.

  30. Huckleberry Fink
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#13): I wish Friday’s Marmaduke was drawn by the REAL Mark Trail.

  31. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#28): Ah, but was Wiley’s one-legged pinafore provided by Botany 500?

  32. Ratiocinator
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#4): Ewww. I wouldn’t put it past him, but still ew.

    @Chareth Cutestory (#7): I think it IS that; she’s really starting to wonder what she ever saw in him, and the “you have work to do” thing is code for “I do not want to have sex with you because you have become repulsive to me in more ways than I can count.”

  33. pugfuggly
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    A3G “Mr Governor! Did you know you look just like James Bond?”

    MT “It’ll be good to have a break. Rusty is going through his usual trauma cycle after being kidnapped, so it’ll be nothing but the usual sobbing and night terrors in the cabin for the next week or so anyhow. Pickle?”

    MW Oh Beth, this is Mary Worth: it’s no place to get hung up on looks! Move to the other side of the room, or tilt your head sideways and you’ll look like a completely different person!

  34. Anonymous
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    “No, Les! You’ll have plenty of time to be awful at pleasuring me sexually after you’re done being awful at writing.”

  35. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#23): …Even I could write better crap than that…

    You know, I didn’t mean you specifically when I said poetaster… I mean, ok, I thought of saying, “Even the Rt. Ven. P. can do better than that!”, but it didn’t seem polite somehow.

    // So we agree then! You CAN write better crap than that!

  36. Oregonian
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Yeah, you can laugh at the Autonomous Hovering TerrorScreen, Josh, but it’s just one of the many fine managerial techniques that you yourself could have learned to master if you’d ever read that copy of Faster! Work Faster! that I gave you for your birthday.

  37. Marc
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    9CL- I know I say this a lot in regards to the idiocy of this stupid strip’s incomprehensible plots, but I have no fucking clue what’s happening here.

    A3G- “I must confess that I don’t really know who Jackson Pollock is. I just read his name in a joke on a Popsicle stick and thought talking about him would impress the new, grabby, hunchback governor.”

    Mark Trail- Good to get away from work? I’m not sure when the last time Mark actually worked was. I suppose an avid environmentalist’s work is never done. Or never begins. I’m not entirely sure at this point.

    Mary Worth- “You’re a beautiful woman Beth”….. She’s so beautiful that she’s been fighting off centerfold offers from representatives from Playboy, Maxim, and LL Bean with a pointy stick.

    Funky- Even Les’s own wife finds sex with him to be a horrible experience. I can’t imagine 30 seconds of sex, him screaming out “LISA!” upon climax, then him crying for an hour after would be a very enjoyable experience.

    Luann- Brad is a slob, Toni is a slob. They’re both incredibly lazy. As creepy and fucked up as TJ is, he’s the only one who cooks or cleans. Evict him, and that becomes a squalor house within a month. Although, the upside is that the house will no longer have to be listed on the sex offender registry.

  38. Doctor Handsome
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#34): That was me. Man, cookies are like cops. When you need one…

  39. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#35): Nice save. Ass.[*]

  40. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#32): I think it IS that; she’s really starting to wonder what she ever saw in him

    No, you just see it that way because you are a rational human being. All these scenes with her pushing him to work, beaning him with a softball, etc. are just supposed to give her personality, not make us doubt the stability of the relationship. Once she sat on that bench, had Les tell her that it was Lisa’s Special Bench, and that he had brought her there to propose, and she failed to run off screaming, she was trapped forever.

  41. Daniel
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Wiley’s pretty particular about what women should do, especially for a guy who doesn’t shave or brush his hair and has a peg leg.

  42. Cleve Barrister
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    FW-So when is Batiuk going to decide on Cayla’s nose? Quite a change between panels 2 and 3

  43. Boophilus
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    BC. Yes, ladies, don’t wear anything form-fitting or revealing at the gym. Actions don’t count; whether or not you enage anybody in conversation or flirt or make eye contact is irrelevant. It’s the gym, the one place it is socially acceptable to wear shorts and a sports bra, so you’d better watch it. Also, keep going to the gym ’cause boyfriends don’t like fatties, either.

  44. Borborygmy
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: So, I gather that Erskine doesn’t mount the bodacious young wife, either?

  45. Cleve Barrister
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#5): MW-C’mon-she looks at her own hideous mug in the mirror every day, so OF COURSE she’s “beautiful” to her!

  46. Doctor Handsome
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#31): In the stone age, it was called Berry-Gathering 500.

  47. Hibbleton
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    A3G: Judging by the tapering torso, the Governor’s body is emanating genie-like from a bottle just below the panel. Lu Ann’s first wish is for late husband to “not be dead.” Thus starts the world’s lamest zombie apocalypse.

  48. Horace Broon
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: “There’s something I must confess … You know that madwoman who thinks she’s a publicity agent, who’s banned from nearly everywhere in the city she might harrass someone important? Well…”

    Crank: And that didn’t happen on the previous holes because…?

    FC: It’s funny because elderly people lose their hearing, and young children have an inadequate grasp of sentence structure!

    HtH: It’s funny because he lives in an absolute monarchy with the constant threat of legally sanctioned violence!

    JP: “Do you want a glass, or when you say ‘sip’ do you mean you’re going to pour it straight down your throat?”

    Phantom: Wise words. Land the plane, then quit.

    Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you aren’t a Mudge and have any idea who Dennis and Mr Wilson are.

    RMMD: “There’s nothing I can do to reduce my stress, apart from things I don’t want to do!”

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Frazz: *golf clap* and a nice MI ref worked in as well.

    Lio: Ishmael wants to get his tentacles on. (ooo! mash-up idea!)

    R&R: panel 2, BRAIN BLEACH!!!!!

    SBp: /fail.

    Zits: Jeremy is high school, not the U of Colorado.

    JP: yuri sparkles. needs MOAR yuri sparkles!

    JUMBLE: guest-starring Ron Jeremy.

    RwO: for the Poteet demographic!

    Retail: *knows that feel*

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .a MT cross-over.

  51. Mustang
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    BC – Telling your girlfriend what to wear
    Is boorish and intrusive..
    You can’t write poetry for shit
    And you’re quite possibly abusive

  52. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Marissa inhaled the comforting smell of the tea as Mrs. Goode sat next to her on the couch—perhaps a bit too close? But the older woman was so kind, so solicitous, the powdered pale pink of her cheek so soft compared to Eileen’s harsh angles.

    And Mrs. Goode was an advice columnist for the newspaper! Marissa had read her column in the daily newspaper; no matter how dire or how trivial the letter, Mrs. Goode responded thoughtfully, with wise words that sounded like they belonged in Bartlett’s. So surely Marissa could trust her.

    “Have you seen that nice young man Tad recently, dear?” Mrs. Goode leaned in even closer. Was that an eager look in her eyes?

    Marissa looked away, unable to maintain the intense stare. “Um, no, I haven’t. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s out of my league.”

    Mrs. Goode fixed her pale eyes on Marissa. “Don’t be silly, dear,” she breathed. “You’re such a lovely young woman.”

    Marissa blushed, suddenly uncomfortable—although she couldn’t quite place the source of her discomfort. “Thank you, Mrs. Goode. You’re so kind.”

    “Nonsense, dear. I’m just perceptive.” She laid a pale, spotted hand on Marissa’s arm. “Now, call me Murielle.”

  53. Cal
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Love is… Removed from gocomics.com

  54. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#50): well, I’m late to THAT party!

    *slinks off to make breakfast*

  55. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    BB – “I’d love to share a hot dog with you, Beetle, but what is that green stuff under Alf’s fingernails?”
    “One thing for sure…..it ain’t relish!”
    (Kudo’s to Francis Hobbs (#325Y) for laying the groundwork for this comment.)

  56. Brick Bradford
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    A3G “I must confess that I don’t know what those little boxes on the voting thingie are for”.

    MW “You’d be beautiful if you’d just get rid of that awful 60′s era Red Chinese haircut.”

    JP Things are looking Cinemaxy out on the old horse farm.

  57. Digger
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    FW: The upside of this is that if Les isn’t getting any until he finishes his script we likely won’t have to see him grinning like a smug asshole for awhile.

    Well, I must be off. I’m an uppity prude who has been offended by the scandalous attire of women at the gym, so I’m going to vent about it through my comic strip.

  58. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Thanks for unearthing the sexist meaning in Wiley’s poem. Myself I couldn’t parse any meaning out of it at all. I mean, “To uphold affirmation ‘my way’”? Was this translated into Mandarin and back via Babelfish?

  59. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    FW: Note to self: Skip reading the day after Les finishes the script.

    C-Shaft: I can’t believe that they chose such a baldly obvious method of cheating. Guys, Ed Crankshaft just unearthed evidence of your wrongdoing. Crankshaft!

    9CL: Are we supposed to have any idea who the hell just showed up? At least Brooke provides further evidence that Fleurrie is going commando. Priorities!

    Popeye: Popeye learns that spending all his time with Swee’Pea will drive Olive away. By my lights this is one of the few upsides of spending time with Swee’Pea.

    JP: There is an implied “shall I join you?” on Abbey’s part, right?

    RMMD: “What choice do I have? I’m an executive in a retro 50s style soap opera strip. It’s my people’s way.”

    H&L: Nobody says “do a donut” when they want to eat a donut. “Do” is used as a slang term for something else though. I guess Chip’s donut will be crème-filled, at least when he’s done with it.

    GT: It’s not her vocabulary, it’s her darling Macaulay Culkin impression.

    Phantom: So JetBlue’s retirement plan is now three behind the ear?

    FC: Grandma grudgingly agrees to let Jeffy whisper something in her ear, but he has to fetch her a roll of paper towels first.

    SSmith: John Rose opts to tell rather than show here, and rightly so. Can you imagine seeing the Hootin’ Holler version of a trophy wife?

    OBH: James’ daddy always uses air quotes when calling him “son.”

    A3G: “Tee hee. You said ‘doody.’”

  60. Lily Sincere
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Cayla already knows that, in the entertainment industry, you never put out for the writer. She’s holding out for the director. Or the producer. Or the casting director. Or the production designer. Or the sound grip. Or the craft services person. Or anyone who isn’t Les, really.

  61. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#52): That right there is a thing of beauty, bb, u.

  62. UncleJeff
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    BC: A few years ago, I was talking with a friend who was complaining about how “out of shape” she was because she wasn’t able to go jogging due to the cold and snow. (She was about 5-2 and maybe 100 pounds).
    I invited her to join the YMCA in our community but she declined because she didn’t like the idea of guys gawking at her while she was exercising.
    She was, at the time, a nude dancer with several years of experience performing naked in front of dozens of guys at a time. But in her private life, even showing up at a gym in baggy sweats made her nervous.

  63. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-So Dennis is finally going to kill Mr. Wilson and make it look like suicide.

  64. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    FW-”Like hell I’m going to let your creepy self climb all over me.”

  65. Voshkod
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    “Hey, did you see that, Bob?”

    “What, Bill?”

    “That floating, bobbing television with the commanding visage of a fat man? You know, the one following that guy dressed in a red costume around?”

    “Huh. Well, that’s New York for ya.”

    “Aren’t we in San Francisco?”

    “Hell if I know, Bill. The art looks the same, and they never draw the weather.”

  66. Mibbitmaker
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    BC: Wiley, I’d give up on the poetry thing. You stink at it. Maybe you should consider a comic strip instead, Wiley. It can be a satirical strip that sledgehammers its points, often in contrived, obvious allegory. But you’ll have to replace that misogyny with misandry, maybe using a little girl and her horse…..

    FW: So Les gets sexually aroused at the idea of cashing in on his beloved St. Lisa’s awful death, ready to pounce on his new wife over the topic. Congratulations, strip, you just earned your longtime identity as “death porn”!

    S-M: “But…. why, master…? He’s already…. useless…..now! Okay, I’m not obeying you anymore!”

  67. Huckleberry Fink
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#59): Crème-filled Chip sounds like a snack for Todd the Dinosaur.

  68. seismic-2
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Shoe: I managed to figure out how to make sense of this strip by considering that at the Treetops Gazette the “copy machine” is probably a typewriter that makes copies using carbon paper, but then when I considered the next part of the scenario I got too disgusted to post about it. However, I must admit that it will be funny later on, when Shoe tries to identify the culprit by making all employees drop trou to see who has a purple ass.

    ASM: I don’t understand. Why is Kingpin using the mind-control gas to order Daredevil to kill Spiderman? Why didn’t he use the mind-control gas to order Spiderman to kill – Oh, right, because he isn’t a total idiot. Never mind.

    FW: Cayla dismisses Les’s advances, because she is eager to cash in on this marriage. It’s been a long, hard struggle to get to this big payday, especially the part about wearing the mask made of Lisa-skin to bed every night, and she’s not about to go put it on again now, in the middle of the day.

  69. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#59): 9CL: Are we supposed to have any idea who the hell just showed up?

    It’s the farmer, with his loader – remember the gag about him using it for everything? It’s funny, because she gave her coat to the cow, so she is wearing nothing but the hooker outfit Edda chose for her. One might ask why, if it is still cold enough that the cow needs a coat, she wore that dress in the first place, but that would ruin the gag, which is that the farmer will lose control of his motor functions once he sees her in the dress, and end up running over her and the cow.

  70. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Cleve Barrister (#42): Living as I do somewhat near Hasbro HQ, I’m proud to see someone utilizing their Potato-Head feature switching technology. Even if that someone is married to Les Moore.

  71. jim, some guy in iowa
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69): just before the farmer is going to run over fleurrie and the cow, the big doofus (sven? seth? spud?) will step in and save the day by some bizarre feat of strength

  72. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Archie: Electric ukuleles? Cool! And is that a Sears Roebuck parlor organ?

  73. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

  74. LogopolisMike
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    It’s a small comfort, but, at least Les is getting rejected sexually. That’s one of the few things that makes sense in both the real world and the Funkyverse, and like people hating Crankshaft, it keeps me grounded.

  75. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MT – Cost of Woods-Wildlife corporate jet round trip flight from the southern part of the state to NYC and back…$3,200.01
    Lunch tab at Hooter’s….$275.87
    Tip left by Mark on restaurant table…$.50 cents plus a big old nifty arrowhead.
    First Aid for Mark’s swollen thumb…$.29 cents
    Taxi ride back to Bill’s office….$175.00
    Tip given to driver by Mark…$.10 cents plus a slightly used illuminated fishing lure.
    Cost of redecorating Bill’s office before tomorrow’s edition of MT – $35,000.27
    Expression on Mark’s face when seeing Cherry’s naked shoulders while wearing a halter top…PRICELESS!

    (Hey, did that wording make it sound like it was Mark who was wearing the halter top?….EXTREMELY PRICELESS!!!!!!!)

  76. TheDiva
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    BC: Wow, usually I have to go to Luann for this kind of aggressive slut-shaming…

    FW: “I just made a lot of money by exploiting the death of my late wife, who you are merely an inferior replacement for! Let’s get it on!”
    I can’t imagine where this went wrong…

    SM: You can tell Daredevil has been drugged because of the cottonwood blossoms floating around his head.

  77. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#69): Ah, okay. I understand better now, although it’s not that much of an improvement. The three-panel installment where the farmer claimed he didn’t name his livestock, then fretted over the cow by name in front of his wife was kind of sweet. But he’s just kind of thrown in to do different stuff from day to day. It’s hard to make anything of his character.

  78. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Too damned tired to snark today…just a heads-up to those of you kind enough to read Raghead: I’m going away tomorrow with the girlfriend for a week and a half’s desperately-needed vacation. So the next strip update will be sometime after the 23 rd. I’ll be visiting here in the meantime though, of course.

  79. Ratiocinator
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#68):

    I don’t understand. Why is Kingpin using the mind-control gas to order Daredevil to kill Spiderman? Why didn’t he use the mind-control gas to order Spiderman to kill – Oh, right, because he isn’t a total idiot. Never mind.

    He could also order Spider-Man to kill himself, but he knows that Peter is too incompetent to even get that right.

  80. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    FC-”I have a very damaging secret that I want to tell you.”

    JP-”Of course…jet lag! And not the hard riding we just did.”

    RMMD-This looks like it’s beyond Rex’s powers. It’s time to call in Mary Worth.

    MW-”Don’t forget to care about yourself too and by which I mean me. Have you even thought about me once.”

    MT-”Of course I’ll go camping with you. It’ll be the first time I’ve spent any time with you in a long time.”

  81. Nekrotzar
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow, John Hart Jr (or whoever is slapping together BC these days) is just going to write the words ‘BITCH’ and ‘SLUT’ in big letters, along with the real-life phone number of the girl who phoned the police to report his stalking. Damn these modern social mores that act like misogyny is a bad thing!

  82. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @ 69. Calvin’s Cardboard Box

    I *think* it’s Sven. But your idea is funnier. So it will be Sven, and Fleurrie won’t tear him to pieces with her shark-teeth either.

    Man, I don’t know what to say about Brooke.

  83. A New Day
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Shoe: In the “I’ll never get that two minutes back” category: apparently the wizard-bird’s name is Wiz, and he doesn’t work at the newspaper exactly, but is often called in to fix Shoe’s computer. Damn it, Google, is there no limit to the useless things you can teach me?

  84. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#77): It’s hard to make anything of his character.

    You aren’t supposed to. Brooke’s males are like the guest star boyfriends from Sex and the City. They aren’t supposed to make sense as realized characters, they are just collections of attributes for the female characters to react to.

    The plot is all about getting the Sexy Vet into a Hot Outfit in an Inappropriate Location. Now that this has been accomplished, it is time for the males to be overwhelmed by the situation, allowing her to give reaction shots involving excessive dentition.

  85. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Luann is much better if you imagine TJ’s mouth is closed and he has Tiffany’s lips instead….

  86. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Luann-Sorry, TJ, but Brad is not going to let you sleep with him and Toni.

  87. cheech wizard
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    JP – A girl after her own heart? So Abby’s just going to quietly slip in the door and join her with a refil? This could be the best Judge Parker evah!

  88. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MT- Of course I’ll go camping with you! Maybe we can finally consummate our marriage!

  89. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    TRMT – Hello, is The Real Mark Trail listening in today? If you haven’t yet heard about the Maine hermit who was arrested after burglarizing more than 1,000 camps while secretly living under a tarp in the Maine woods since 1987, you should read about it. Because….for maybe a future Mark Trail adventure, IT WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY!

    (Google search – “Hermit of Maine”)

  90. TheDiva
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    9CL: Because if there’s one thing a livestock owner would never, never have available on his property, it’s a blanket for his animals.

    A3G: “I don’t know Picasso from a comic book either.”

    GT: Remember, girls, using large words will only attract jerks!

    Luann: Somewhere, in some dark corner of the Internet, there is Brad/Toni/TJ threesome fic. You know there is. *shudder*

    MT: “Should we take Rusty to the kennel, or just leave extra food and water out for him?”

    MW: What’s the opposite of Hollywood Homely? Because I think I’ve found it.

    Pibgorn: As if we needed further proof this character is an unwitting self-portrait.

  91. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#88): Not unless Rusty Trail CONSTIPATES it first!

  92. Currer Bell
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    When I read FW and saw that Cayla’s planning to withhold sex from Les for possibly months (however long a script takes to write), the first thing I thought was that Josh is probably pleased that the suffering has already started. I know I am.

  93. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#82):

    You may be right – except I think that is the blade from the loader in panel 3. Rember that the farmer was wanting to use it to move the cow indoors. Of course, we still haven’t attempted to diagnose her condition, just that she is lying in the field and, apparently, it is a cold night.

  94. Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    S-M: “Now all that remains – is to dispose of Spider-Man!”
    “Why didn’t…you just…poison the milk?”

  95. Little Guy
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Came for the “Writing about my dead wife makes me horny!” comments, leaving satisfied.

  96. Scott
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Isn’t Daredevil blind?

  97. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-When disposing of your Spiderman remember to put separate his different parts for recycling.

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#39): Ah! The ever popular Pickwickian sense!

  99. Little Guy
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#90), Luann: That’s actually a “TJ/Brad/TJ” threeway.

  100. MWDG
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MW: I guess Mary needs glasses if she thinks her new “gal pal” Beth is beautiful. Good grief, a real friend would tell Beth to set her sights on another guy… one more in her league like her doppelgänger and fellow closet case Wilbur. If Beth is just looking to get laid she should check out that guy Charley.

    Beth’s mother, Elinor, although blunt and sometimes harsh is just looking out for her homely and perhaps slightly delayed daughter. I agree with poster Liam perhaps Beth should hook up with a woman at Charterstone like resident lesbian, Terry Bryson… oh wait Terry wouldn’t hook up with Beth unless she goes blind.

  101. Ian Beste
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Mustang (#51): Burma Shave!

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#52): and cue saxophone slow jam…

    H&L: Nobody says “do a donut” when they want to eat a donut. “Do” is used as a slang term for something else though. I guess Chip’s donut will be crème-filled, at least when he’s done with it. Take the family car and do a few spins on the lawn of the high school after midnight?

    xkcd The geologist is wearing eye and ear protection when planet-hunting. That is responsible gun ownership my friends.

  102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

  103. Cooler King
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    FW: Wes: “The thought of profiting financially from my old wife’s prolonged and painful death makes me want to hump you sideways, current wife!”
    “Not until you’ve milked every chemo-ridden made-for-tv dollar from her suffering, please. It’s for college!”

    This is obviously just another case of Batiuk’s audience being too thick and pastoral to understand his art, right?

  104. cheech wizard
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    RMMD – “I can’t change, Rex, so I want you to promise me you’ll look after Heather. She’s still a young woman…when I’m gone, keep an eye on her and make sure she never has sex with anyone else, ever again.”

  105. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    9CL-Brooke, stop stroking your ego. At least that’s what I hope you’re stroking when you make your comics.

  106. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

  107. CanuckDownSouth
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Wish *I* could stay as trim as old Milton while overeating and not exercising. Clearly he’s not dying of poor diet, he’s suffering from delusions that he’s eating too much or that his copious exercise isn’t enough – and his other doctor was sounding the alarm on his borderline anorexia.

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#78): I’m going away tomorrow with the girlfriend for a week and a half’s desperately-needed vacation.

    You’re NOT going camping, are you? Have you learned nothing from Love is or Mark Trail? Or Marmaduke?

  109. cheech wizard
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    FW – I thought Les was obsessed with Lisa’s memory because her death was the most traumatic and emotionally wrenching experience of his life. Now it turns out it was the most erotic. Figures.

  110. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    FW: I don’t know what’s worse……..seeing Les getting horny at home with Cayla, or seeing Granthony getting horny in the car with Elizaloser after the Christmas Foobiverse dinner……At least Les isn’t as bad as Granthony. Les is gloomy and ghoulish…….but Granthony is pasty, creepy, gooey, whiney, mopey, and manipulative……..Granthony is worse. But not by much.

    Luann: “Yessiree, three peas in a pod! That’s us!………and I can’t WAIT for the honeymoon!! It’s going to be awesome with the four of us. I’ll bet Shannon can’t WAIT to see the ocean!”

    MT: “I think it would be fun for all of us!” ……..Well, it’s certainly fun for Andy, as he sniffs Cherry’s crotch while licking her sandwich….

    Love is…: Running over his ass with your car to collect a hefty insurance payout.

  111. Mustang
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#102): Oh yeah! I missed that. I thought it was just really bad, but it’s Burma Shave bad!

  112. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Brick Bradford (#56):

    MW “You’d be beautiful if you’d just get rid of that awful 60?s era Red Chinese haircut.”

    “But Chairman Mother says that revolutionary discipline is a thousand times more sexy than bourgeois bimboism!”

  113. Everything is Better Than Monkeys
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Even Pluggers have admitted the newspaper comic strip is dead and now get their legacy strips from screen-based devices. 1980s CRT screens, sure, but for a Plugger it’s downright futuristic.

  114. Sequitur
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Zits: Ha! Jeremy got stuck with the buffalo. If he paid attention he would know that his school mascot is the Vikings.

    Take one of those home for the weekend.

  115. Leonard
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    FW: I now want to puke.

  116. Victory Garden
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

  117. Victory Garden
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    I thought my boyfriend was going to leave if I *didn’t* go to the gym. So you can’t be fat but you can’t dress too … skimpily? at the gym either. My poor head.

  118. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    110. Nehemiah Scudder

    You know Rev, the first Archie comic I ever read involved them all going to some place called Camp Camp and Weatherbee telling a story involving a ghost who yelled “Massapequaquandunka” or something similar.

  119. Sparkle Plenty
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MT: Great story so far, TRMT! (I like the way Mark eats his sandwich whole.)

    (I think Wes should buy a big fabulous RV. That way he can ease his wife into enjoying the great outdoors.)

  120. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    “‘Slip’? What is this ‘slip’ of which you speak?”

    In a world when even the concept of underwear is foreign…

  121. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    119. Freakin Hemingwad

    In Terroristan, we eat fatwas for breakfast.

    Muhahahaha

  122. Ian Beste
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#117): That would be going from bad to Norse.

    (SFX: crickets)

  123. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MT – “Isn’t this wonderful, Mark? Here we are…your entire family, Doc, Rusty, Andy, Sassy, our entire herd of gigantic animals and Bill Ellis’ friends. All out here together deep in the woods, at least a three day hike from the cabin, to finally spend some real genuine quality time together. Now you can finally take time to enjoy fishing with Rusty, Mark … and, boy, do I have something special planned for just you and me in our cosy little tent tonight, Mark Trail, you devil, you!!”

    “Say! Is THAT the fire tower seiren I hear trying to reach me? Sorry, everyone but I must leave immediately to go back home to the cabin by myself. I think they are trying to reach me to let me know that I left the front door open. Sorry, everyone, but it will probably take me at least three months to take care of whatever it is I must take care of before briefly seeing any of you again. GOODBYE!”

  124. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Sparkle Plenty (#125): Like that movie with Robin Williams where he and his family rent that huge RV to drive over a mountain range located not to far from somewhere in the western part of the state?

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#124): Well, I guess that cured you! Good deal! (Or as the Boy Scouts say here, “Cool beans!”)

  126. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#112):

    while licking her sandwich….

    Is that what Wilber Weston is calling it these days?

  127. jim, some guy in iowa
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    mt: all the dialogue balloons point to people with their mouths open (today makes me really wish it was nice enough for a picnic here, also)

    rex m: the guy has to work so hard because the blonde lost a ton of money investing in a water purification scheme

    judge hot tub: need i say more?

    funky: the only i way i can see this being worse is if mc eldowney had drawn it

    a & j: i like this comic. they seem like people it would be nice to know, which isn’t as common on the comics page as a person might think

  128. Anonymous
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#75): Expression on Bill Ellis’ face when he hears Mark tell him how he will enjoy finally being allowed to take some time off from the extremely hard and difficult work he labors at 24-7 for Bill’s Woods and Wildlife magazine company…………PRICELESSLY PUZZLED!

  129. seismic-2
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MW: Before Beth lets Mary’s “You’re a beautiful woman!” complement go to her head, she should check out Mary’s standards of beauty by seeing a photo of the pink cake that she and John Dill thought was “beautiful”. That should bring Beth down to earth, fast.

  130. Inkwell
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: That first panel is the only realistic depiction of any of Les Moore’s relationships.

  131. Huckleberry Fink
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#89): I remember reading about the Maine hermit in my local newspaper. He’s a man by the name of Christopher Knight.

    I wonder if this is the same Christopher Knight who played “Peter Brady” in The Brady Bunch?

  132. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MT and The Real Mark Trail
    @Anonymous (#135): …Expression on TRMT’s (The Real Mark Trail ™ ) face when he accepts the Pulitzur prize for best outdoors adventure story after publishing the next Mark Trail story arc he wrote based on the true story of a real Hermit living in the woods of Maine for the past 27 years!

  133. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#128):

    (SFX: crickets)

    Forgive me for verring off topic, but slamming 1500 mg of caffiene after 4 hours’ sleep has me free associating — have crickets ever made an appearance in Slylock Fox? As in, “Crackhead Cricket says his girlfriend was the victim of a hit-and-run. How does Slylock know that Crackhead dragged her body into the street to get run over after she OD’ed?”

  134. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#139): ….a Pulitzer that the fictitious Mark Trail caracter will NEVER achieve from any of his writing….just ask Bill Ellis!

  135. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#5): dang it! Well, you win this round, sir…

  136. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#140): Then you should probably wait awhile after consuming the 1500 mg of caffeine before taking a gander at Cherry Trail wearing that sexy halter top!

  137. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

  138. The Silent Penultimate Panel
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Les cock blocked by his dead wife? How surprising! I imagine what we’re seeing here is a pretty common occurrence in the Moore household. Listen Les, if you want to get a little farther with Cayla, try not to shout “My first wife died of cancer!!!” every time you climax.

  139. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @The Silent Penultimate Panel (#145):

    …try not to shout “My first wife died of cancer!!!” every time you climax.

    For all his book-learning, Les hasn’t figured out that “la petite mort” is just a metaphor.

  140. Casino LF
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#37): re: Luann, the good news about still being on the sex offender registry is that it technically means Shannon is not allowed to be there. Of course, no one in the strip actually cares about her well-being, so no big, anyway.

  141. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#138): The local police in Rome Maine actually rented a bus to take the international media circus along with local camp owners to the site of the hermits tarp to show then all the stuff he collected from the more than 1,000 camp robberys. The local police realised what they were doing was illegal when the land owner stopped them on his dirt road entering his privately owned wood lots and had them turn their police cars and media bus around at the edge of the encampment. That’s why ther are no close up news photos of the hermits campsite, only photos taken from about 100 feet away from the tarp. The land owner eventually let only the cops go in so they could dismantle the hermit’s campsite and load two large truck loads of stolen loot to take to a nearby camp for special needs kids so the camp owners and news media crowd could take pictures of all the junk.

    It sounds like something Jackelrod would have dreamed up, but it really happened!

  142. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

  143. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#107): the last time we visited Sea World, the manatees were doing a LOT more than kissing. It was great having the stoller moms telling their kids, “Look! They love each other! They’re hugging.” Of course, that didn’t explain the white stuff in the water.
    I am not making this up. (Then there was the walrus slowly swimming in his tank, with everyone ignoring The Obvious. Except one little girl (loudly): “Mommy! I can see his WEE-WEE!” Yep, you and everyone else, sweetie…)

  144. Mibbitmaker
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#108): Maybe Milton is an older Jughead Jones, or a high finance Dagwood Bumstead.

  145. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#144): needs more yuri sparkles.

  146. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Love is…: …cooking up something with a Thingy!

  147. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#150): ahhh, nature. :-D

  148. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#12): thank you!

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#22): and THANK YOU!

    @LP2004 (#25): anh THANK YOU as well… THERE’S A SUNDAY COMING UP IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS WITH Cherry IN A TWO-PIECE!

    @Sparkle Plenty (#125): what can I say? Mark, like me, has “appetites”!

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#133): :)

    @Illustrator Steve (#139): I’d settle for the strip winning a “lifetime achievement Rueben award”!

  149. terrapin
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    MW: “And by ‘beautiful woman’ I mean compared to, say…Rusty Trail, or Gunther from that Luann strip, or just about anyone in this strip.”

    A3G; I can tell this guy is a politician by the way he’s casually trying to un-hook Lu Ann’s bra.

    FW: I’m going to have nightmares about that first panel.

  150. Inkwell
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#140): As far as I know, bugs are rarely (if ever) treated as people in Slylock Fox. Normally they’re just background critters with creepy staring eyes, normally antagonizing Max in some disturbed fashion. I’ve seen lots of flies and vaguely-anthro mosquitoes (less detailed than today’s), but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cricket. Like, not even in 6 Differences.

    Also, I really want to know how Slylock knew.

  151. Mibbitmaker
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Glibporn: “I’m a baaaaaad strawman!”[/Lou Costello]

    JP: I was off back when I invoked Kathie Lee and Hoda as excessive buyers of Spencer wine — these two ladies ARE Kathie Lee and Hoda!

    Lio: “Octopus Agave and I’m all for the takin’!”

    Popeye: No, Bruto/Blutus really doesn’t know. This version of B/B muy estupido, ja?

  152. Iulia
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    You are the only reason I read the comics any more. The commentary on Les’s grief boner makes me laugh more than the actual comics.

  153. Sequitur
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#150): You never know what nature will throw at you. Several years ago when I was visiting Sunken Gardens in Florida, they had several types of birds and primates scattered throughout the park. I happened to pass by a baboon as it was jerking off. I hope it wasn’t because he saw me (I was alone at the time; my wife was taking pictures in a different part of the park).

  154. Stroker Ace
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    FW – It’s been done. It was called ‘Terms of Endearment’. Piss off, Les/Batiuck.

  155. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#157): “???ss?? ?????s” ?uos p??? no? ??? ?o?? ????p s,pu?!????!? s!? dn ???o? o? ??p! ??? ?o? ?? p?z!???? pu? ???s?!? o? “??-??-??-??-??s” ?u!?u!s p???????? p???? ??o???s

  156. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#160) & @Herr Kommissar Denny (#162): So much for upside-down text…

    Slylock overheard Crackhead compulsively singing “Sha-la-la-la-la” and realized the cricket must have gotten the idea from the Lou Reed song “Street Hassle.”

  157. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#164): Should have been a response to myself and Inkwell (#157).

  158. Mincemeat
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    A3G: So, if I’m understanding this correctly, we are to believe that the mayor of New York City has never heard of Jackson Pollock, or seen anything resembling his work. The mayor of NEW YORK FUCKING CITY. I don’t know why this pisses me off so much more than all the other Twilight Zone nonsense in A3G, but it does.

    Or perhaps he’s feigning ignorance so as not to be considered a librul elitist, in which case he should consider running for office in Arizona.

  159. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    I am lovin’ the new story line, the illustration, and the Spring Fashion Collection (everything down to that great jar of pickles! Go, Mark! Go!

  160. Huckleberry Fink
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#160): Don’t leave us hanging. Did you take the baboon out to dinner at a fancy restaurant?

  161. Sequitur
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#167): Anonymous baboon shall remain anonymous. However, the way he was going at it his name would be more or less Moore rather then Les.

  162. Sequitur
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#170): Had I been any closer he probably would have taken me out.

  163. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#169): “The only way to make this any better would be to use pancakes instead of bread!”

  164. TimP
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Phantom: No wonder this guy hates his job, looks to me like he’s flying a 707, which according to wikipedia, there are only two actively flying – both of them in Iran.

  165. Sequitur
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Guz is a good king. He doesn’t rely on henchmen, he does his own murdering.

  166. Marc
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#148): If Jackelrod had dreamed it up, it would have ended with the hermit tied to a tree by a giant beaver.

  167. Marc
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#179): If today’s Mark Trail were a McE dream, Mark would be an incoherent mess as the sight of Cherry’s exposed shoulders.

  168. I speak Jive
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t writing a screenplay different from writing a novel? Reading is completely different from watching a story unfold on the screen. I can’t believe that bozos like Les Moore and Judge Parker can jump right into screenwriting and know what they are doing. I know that writers like Larry McMurtry have written screenplays, but Les Moore and Alan Parker are hardly in the same league as Larry McMurtry.

  169. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#138): I’m not sure if it’s the same Christopher Knight but I think the Brady Bunch may have still been on the air when he left his friends and family and went into the woods 27 years ago.

  170. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @TimP (#174): Wiki is slightly wrong about that, but only slightly. At least 10 in cargo ops, at least 1 in the USAF (E-8 Joint STARS platform), and 1 ex-Quantas owned by John Travolta (he qualifies for the right seat). The operators list shows 8 civilian operators and a dozen military operators.

    What I wouldn’t give for 1 more ride in a 707…

  171. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#72): You would think that Mr. Lake would not antagonize the musicians, recognizing the opportunity to swindle them out of their valuable collector’s-item instruments, but apparently his innately cranky nature is getting the better of him.

  172. Bootsy
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Beth Kinley gets her hair cut in the same salon as does Moe Howard, Pete Rose and Jackie Chan.

  173. WCjobber
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Cockblocking: The most depressing development in Funky Winkerbean yet.

  174. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @The Silent Penultimate Panel (#145): I swear I read your comment as French at first: “Les cock bloques.”

  175. Ian Beste
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#181): You can buy software that will format and even (Gawd help us) give advice on a screenplay. Many otherwise barely literate folks buy these products with dreams of Hitting It Big in Hollywood. Sadly, the success of things like the Fast and the Furious movies and Two Broke Girls on TV only encourages them.

  176. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#155): I’d settle right now for a Ruben sandwich!

  177. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#155): Can I just say I’ve appreciated your penwork this week? It’s a real step up…

  178. Sequitur
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#185):

    Beth Kinley gets her hair cut in the same salon as does Moe Howard, Pete Rose and Jackie Chan.

    And all done by the same stylist who would be around 100 years old now.

  179. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#176): made me laugh!

  180. Ian Beste
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwd (#118): Wasn’t there an episode of Futurama where Bender is so scared a small door opens up in his chassis and a brick drops out?

  181. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): maybe we should go for something a little more than “medium rare”…

  182. Alice
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Next up: Brad informs TJ that once Brad and Toni are married, he won’t be able to fuck live with them. Feeling butthurt and entitled, TJ becomes obsessed with getting them both to quit their jobs. How? He records them, out of context, doing that “The roof is on fire” chant and threatens to play the last bit for their supervisor to make it seem as though they were standing by and laughing at a fire instead of fighting it. Faced with the crushing weight of Luannverse logic, Brad and Toni will have no choice but to give in.

  183. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#171): …and then we can say something about a mandrill…you, know…man drill…
    Okay, I got nothin’.

  184. seismic-2
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#181), @Ian Beste (#188): Today’s (Friday’s) re-run of My Cage seems especially prescient in categorizing Alan Parker’s and Les Moore’s initial screenwriting efforts.

  185. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#188):

    Cue one of my favorite Sopranos scenes, where Christopha is working on his screenplay, without much success.

    “You are only up to 21 pages?
    “Well, I bought this scriptwriting software, I thought the program would do most of the work!”

    With a shot of his work on-screen: “I thought I was daed but I manuged to get the drip on him.”

  186. Calico
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I just heard that Jonathan Winters has left the building. Fare thee well, funny Sir.

  187. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#195):

    Well, there were going to laugh the tape off as being unattributable, but then TJ tricked them into saying “This is Brad and Toni” into his iPhone, thus sealing their fate.

  188. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#193): Very first episode, in fact.

  189. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    There once was an artiste, name of Hart,
    a right evangelical old fart.
    When the sluts he did shame,
    from all sides he got blame,
    because his rhyme and meter sucked ass.

  190. Calico
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Cold hard cash gives Les an erection. How nice!

    Oh, and I like how Woody Wilson’s guest gals like to take sexy baths, and drink.
    It’s like the bath scene in “Desert Hearts” with Kay and Silver. No outright sex (in the movie rewrite) but still Mmmmmmmm.

  191. lynn
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#185): I know someone else who uses that barber. Follow the link. Picture will not be there tomorrow.

  192. DariaFoxendorffer
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    FW: At the ceremony announcing the Oscar nominees, Seth MacFarlane joked that adapted-screenplay writing was just copying stuff from Microsoft Word and pasting it into [name I don't recall of screenplay-writing program]. So in Cayla’s case, she bought herself thirty or so seconds before the dreaded combination first-draft review/sexytimes.

    Also, wouldn’t it be awesome if “South Park”‘s creators were FW hate-readers and did an ep about the making of “Lisa’s Story: The Movie”?

  193. Calico
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#3):
    You can only recover if you want to.
    Now, about Lindsay Lohan…

  194. Calico
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @DariaFoxendorffer (#192):
    A Parker-Stone Les would be awesome. Cayla too.

  195. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#187): that would make an interesting name for a band.

  196. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#180): Note the sound effect.

  197. seismic-2
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#186): It’s a Sad, Sad, Sad, Sad World today.

  198. Elk Meadow
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#90):

    Luann: Somewhere, in some dark corner of the Internet, there is Brad/Toni/TJ threesome fic. You know there is. *shudder*

    And Evans wrote it. The only question is this: Greg or Karen?

  199. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Love is: An inspirational message from the United Churches of Dingburg!

  200. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    MT – This picnic was a great idea, Mark, but don’t you think Rusty’s been tied up long enough in the family truckster? He’s probably hungry by now.”

    “Speaking of hungry, Cherry…could you pass me that bowl of potato salad? Thank you, thank you very much!”

    “But, Mark. I think Rusty should be untied so he can eat lunch before you take him fishing.”

    (Mark, with mouthful of potato salad): “Now that you mention it, another helping of lunch sound good! Pass me that sandwich that Andy’s slobbering over, willya? THANK you, thankyouverymuch!”

    “Mark, aren’t you at all concerned for Rusty’s well being?”

    (Mark, talking with mouth stuffed with entire sandwich): “What I’m getting concerned for are those pickles in that jar next to you. They seem awfully crowded in there. Help those pickles out by passing one of ‘em right here, willya, Cherry? Thank you, thankyouverymuch!”

    “THAT’S it! I’m going to untie my little Rusty!”

    “Mark, gagging on a pickle): “I guess to hell your getting Rusty, Cherry, Just LOOK at the last sandwich left on the blanket…NO mayo! You KNOW I like extra MAYO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!”

  201. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: The lies came easily to her, too easily. The smooth reassurances, the pat compliments, the gentle suggestions that a cucumber-mango face mask and some electrolysis were all that Beth Kinley needed. Mary knew her actions were wrong, but she found herself at a loss in how to stop herself. This could only end in madness…madness or jail. One day she would stand before the Lord and be quite unable to repent for her sins.

    Until that day, sip the tea, darling. Just you sip the tea.

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Love is: …not being afraid to show your feelings!

  203. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#199): Is that pasdordan?

  204. TimP
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#170): Ah, thanks for clarifying. In Wikipedia’s defense, I now realize I misunderstood what I read there and they do mention the cargo use and Mr. Travolta’s personal plane. Maybe that’s the reason the pilot is so miserable at his job: He’s Travolta’s co-pilot and can’t stand any of his movies.

  205. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#195): Sheesh, the comment numbers are off today. I blame the French mimes and their stupid high-concept punk bands. Les Cocks Bloques, indeed.

  206. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#202): OK, there’s my new wallpaper right there. Kudos! And other candy bars, as well!

  207. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

  208. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#199) & @Nehemiah Scudder (#202): You know what’s sad? Despite not having genitalia, the Love Is… couple is still more intimate than Mark and Cherry — and Rex and June, assuming that Milton “Martini” Avery, is the Baby Morgan’s real father.

  209. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#186): No, not Jonathan Winters! One of my all time favorites! I have one of his comedy LP record albums from around 1962 and can still hear portions of it’s dialog in my head without playing it on the turn table. Funny stuff indeed!
    ….a favorite line of mine made by Jonathan Winters was something he had said on a talk show 40 some years ago. He had just finished his part of the show and while gathering up his stage props he threw a small back pack over his shoulder, turned to the show’s host and said…”You fellas stay back here with the Red Cross, I’m moving up to the front lines!”
    …You may now move on up to that front line, indeed, Jonathan Winters…to the front of the line at those big pearly gates of comedy land in the sky…we will miss you!

  210. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#181): it is very different. Even when Nabokov wrote the screenplay for “Lolita,” adapted from his novel, he noted that Reading and Watching were two different things, and the writing style had to be different for them.
    Evidently, he still hated what Kubrick did to his work.

  211. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#201): Fulgent! You know, earlier we were kidding about your versifying talents — all in good fun, ha ha — but I must say, as a poet, you have the makings of a great porn writer!

    // Bourbon Babe better look to her laurels!

  212. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#207): Geez. Warn a body before you do that.

  213. Shrug and the Pathetic Chain of Being
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#14):

    “This is like Lex Luthor hypnotizing Superman into killing Aquaman. Or Aquaman’s pet octopus or something.”

    Or Aquaman’s pet octopus’ pet crab’s pet guppy’s pet sandflea.

  214. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#193): awwww….she recovers ALL the time! Easy peasy!

  215. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#207): I am kind of seeing why you’re having trouble finding work. Sinners in the hands of an angry pastor, yikes.

  216. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#207): You are really white. Have you considered shaving your head and becoming chaplain to the Aryan Nation guys? You will need a few facial tattos.

  217. Marc
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @DariaFoxendorffer (#192): That would be so awesome. A South Park riff on Lisa’s Story would be priceless. The best part would be that Batiuk is such a humorless prick, that he’d lose his mind over it.

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#215): “Ye miserable, crawlin’ worms. Are ye here again then? Have ye come like Nimshi, son of Rehoboam, secretly out of your doomed houses, to hear what’s comin’ to ye?”

  219. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#11): Wait, Troma Entertainment’s doing Lisa’s Story. I actually want to see it now!

  220. commodorejohn
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#168): I’m not an expert on filmmaking, but I believe there’s a distinction between writing the script (i.e. the story,) which is what Les said he was going to get to do, and writing the screenplay (what would, in stage terms, be called the script.) Not that that matters in the Batiukverse, wherein every development that doesn’t exist to make Les more of a martyr exists to reward him for being the Specialest Snowflake. He’ll do the Lisa’s Story screenplay, which will just consist of the characters standing around reading paragraphs lifted directly from the novel in hushed, sombre tones, overwhelmed by the (*snrk*) tragic majesty of the amazing original, daring not to differ from its sacred prose.

    Then, of course, the Ignorant Unwashed in Hollywood will tamper with his Artistic Vision, the better to make him a martyr. In a <sarcasm class=”heavy”>”perfect”</sarcasm> world, Les would not only have his screenplay untarnished by the hands of mere mortals, but would get to direct as well, shooting endless static scenes of actors standing rigidly in place reciting thei lines exactly as written! with absolutely nothing else happening, in order that no interesting visuals should distract the viewer from the amazingness of the most Serious Work of Art ever to come out of any nation in history, let alone (God forbid!) entertain them.

  221. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    MT-”My other personalities could use a good vacation.”

  222. Right Venerable Filthymouthed Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#216): I didn’t come here to have my looks insulted! I go to church to have my looks insulted!

  223. Ian Beste
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#210): Nabokov and Stephen King.

    Didn’t think I’d ever see those two names in the same sentence…

  224. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    FW-Les’ dream of finally earning the respect of his fellow peers will be dashed when he is told that they don’t give out Oscars for made for tv movies.

    JP-”I’ll take this bottle of wine and sip it in the tub. The tub that I’ll be naked in. Naked and wet. I might even put in some bubbles.”

    JP 2-Abbey’s after something and it is much lower than the doctor’s heart.

  225. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#177): THANK YOU! This coming Sunday page is loosely related to the current daily storyline being set near SLUMBER MOUNTAIN and is directly related to me… stay tuned
    -James

  226. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-”This isn’t like one of my usual hallucinations. Those are of a dog telling me to kill people. I’ve never had a big giant floating head telling me to kill.”

  227. The Ridger
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Inkwell (#157): Anybody here catch the bug in ACC this week?

  228. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Shoe-”And someone didn’t wipe themselves well before doing it.”

  229. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    SINNERS IN THE HANDS OF AN ANGRY CURMUDGEON
    1. Mary Worth may meddle both wicked and devout men into hell at any given moment.
    2. Batiuk, Evans and McEldowney deserve to be cast into hell.
    3. Cayla, at this moment, suffers under Batiuk’s condemnation to Les.
    4. Curmudgeons, reading comics that please them not, suffer the torments of Hell.
    5. At any moment God shall permit him, Josh stands ready to fall upon Crock and Crankshaft and seize them as his own.
    6. If it were not for Mark Trail’s restraints, Rusty would go fishing.
    7. Simply because there are not visible means of death before them at any given moment, no one in the Funky universe should not feel secure.
    8. Simply because it is natural to care for oneself or to think that others may care for them, no one should get carried away by Love Is.
    9. All that wicked men may do to save themselves from Hell’s pains shall afford them nothing if they continue to reject Josh’s tip jar.
    10. Nobody promised you a rose garden and nobody forces you to read those bad comics.

  230. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Filthymouthed Pasdordan (#222): I go to church to have my intelligence insulted.

  231. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#224): Abbey’s after something and it is much lower than the doctor’s heart

    Well, given the way that gravity fails to work in the Spencerverse, it can’t be her boobs.

  232. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#148): Great art today btw. Also looking forward to that Sunday strip. Will Mark be showing us the habitat and habits of the ‘Wild Beach Babes’ since its a Sunday? “More information about Wild Beach Babes can be found on the Internet”. Boy Howdy..I’ll say…

  233. jim, some guy in iowa
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#172): also, too, honey, ambassador duke’s translator/bail bondsman

  234. jim, some guy in iowa
    April 12th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#220): i see him sitting in a darkened room, lamp over his shoulder, reading the book, and breaking down in tears at the end.

    & of course a year from now he’ll be at the oscars, winning everything in sight

    & a year later broke & drunk in hollywood thinking he’s the reincarnation of scott fitzgerald

  235. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#227): What a NEAT strip! I’ve bookmarked it and started reading it from the beginning. Thanks!

  236. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy-What is the joke in here? Does Ziggy prefer rye bread over white bread?

  237. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#227): Cool. I haven’t looked at the ACC for a while.

  238. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    BC: So… I guess news of the Lululemon transparent yoga pants scandal has reached the compound?

  239. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#230): Then you’re going to the wrong church.

  240. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    MT – Look to the upper right of the panel to the right of Mark’s head between those two trees. See that tiny black shadowy figure standing about a quarter of a mile away? Could it possibly be a clue to the upcoming adventure? Maybe it’s a sinister villainous kidnapping sheep killing, dognapping mountain man ex-smoker with a blind hunting dog, a float plane and a gold leg-banded goose, who’s been hiding out in the woods for 27 years waiting for just the right woman with the name Shelley to be camping his area? We will see.

  241. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#189): Man, you will never get Carl Kasell’s voice on your home answering machine! “Because his rhymes and his meters weren’t smart“.

    // Oh, now you are just trolling me, aren’t you?

  242. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#240): Nah, it’s just a yeti.

  243. Old Folkie
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#112): THAT”S why Beth lookes familiar to me – she’s Honey from Doonesbury!

  244. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#239): I would never belong to a church that would have me as a member. One has standards.

  245. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#186): I just heard that Jonathan Winters has left the building. Fare thee well, funny Sir.

    Comedian Jonathan Winters passed away April 11, 2013. Did you know that Winters once studied cartooning at the Dayton Art Institute? It’s where he met Eileen Schauder, whom he married in 1948.

  246. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#181): maybe we should go for something a little more than “medium rare”…

    I’ve always loved that Stooges bit where Curly is attacked and beaten by his clam chowder.

  247. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    “Helium Balloon Workout”
    Okay. So what exactly is Healthcliff conditioning? And, what are the balloons attached to?

    And, how freaky is it to see it from behind that two guys seemed transfixed by Heathcliff’s antics?

    Too many questions, so few answers!

  248. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

  249. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth:
    Someday, Mary will meddle in something that will eventually be made into some Cable Movie Entertainment. As far as she knows, Tom is bitter from not getting a part in a “Psycho” remake and Elinor and Beth are a living example of “Arsenic and Old Shoelaces”.

  250. bats :[
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    And because it wasn’t bad enough that Josh mentioned it in the first place

  251. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    The Lockhorns:
    Someday Leroy will be in his favorite chair after suffering a stroke and his wife will be entertaining company. She’ll make the same joke as she is making today.

    Eventually, like with today, no one witnessing this will laugh.

  252. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#248): BWAH-HA-HA!!!! You are amazing!

  253. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#250): YESSS!!!!!

  254. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#232): THANK YOU! The upcoming Sunday page with Cherry in a two-piece is actually about hippos… (scratching your head in bewilderment?)

  255. Herr Kommissar Denny
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#243): So the next question is, just what is Elinor Kinley née Uncle Duke in a wig up to at Charterstone?

  256. Voshkod
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    As an aspiring writer(TM), I’m always looking for tips and tricks. So I signed up for the Les Moore writing seminar. We’re supposed to keep this stuff under our hats, but I’ll tell you the first two tips Les gave us in the first session.

    1. Love something dead. Les suggested loving a dead wife, or “a dead girlfriend, if you’re not committed enough and only want to write novellas or short stories.” He noted that a poet might be able to get away with a “dead pet or dead houseplant.”

    2. Live somewhere dead. Les talked a lot about his home town and the collection of hopeless cases that lived there. He said there was nothing more inspiring then “living somewhere that makes anywhere, even your most limp literary dreams, look good.”

    I’m really looking forward to the second session – I think he’s going to cover screenwriting.

  257. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#238): Could THAT be it? You may have something. Oh, were that the case, it would still be dumb, and offensive… but at least it is SOME explanation.

  258. Government Cheese
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Brad, in a very rare moment of intelligence and self-awareness, remembers that TJ BURNED DOWN THEIR HOUSE. He does not want the episode repeated, no matter how much of TJ’s “special sauce” dishes he is served.

    MW: Well, Beth, your Medici era haircut is probably a bit dated, but I also think you have a better chance with Mary than Tom.

  259. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#242): THAT’S a relief! And here I was afraid it may be a Sasquatch or a Jersey Devil.

  260. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#254): Yes, I am scrathing my head. That’s not some wierd Internet slang..’hippos’ I mean. I mean please tell me they’re real hippos!

  261. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#242): Well….at least it’s not an abominable snowman!

  262. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#254): @Mikey (#260): Wouldn’t be the first hippo I’ve seen wearing a two piece.

  263. Marc
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#261): It’s actually Godzilla.

  264. Toby
    April 12th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

  265. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

  266. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#260): yes… real hippos

    @Illustrator Steve (#262): hahahahahahha

  267. PriceCheck
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    I think “hits the highway” just means that he’s going to jump in front of the closest semi. ‘Cause women standing up for themselves obviously means the end of whatever male dominated society he’s living in. “Don’t be dismayed”–Poor fool’s only doing what’s natural to him. c:

  268. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#254): For no explainable or understandable reason, the simple mention of “hippo” and “two piece” triggered a flashback to the 1966 James Brown concert I attended in Miami Florida. There was this go-go dancer who performed during the show and…well, let’s just say the best way to discribe it is how she was announced on the concert poster as being a 750 pound Go-Go dancer…..and she was!

  269. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    MW-”What am I drinking? It looks like coffee but it doesn’t taste like coffee.”

    Gil Thorp-Braggadocious? Is this another attempt by a hack writer trying to create believable teenage slang in an effort to make up for how uncool they were as teenagers.

  270. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Pardon My Planet So, this guy thinks he’s going to leave the note and just drive away after completely crushing the front end of his car? Not too bright. But then again, he’s also stealing an Andy Capp joke from circa 1970. (NB: Capp did it better.)

    Pluggers: You know, this joke would almost have made sense if plugger dog had been reading the comics, where Dennis the Menace actually appears, rather than watching TV which hasn’t aired the Dennis the Menace show since 1963.

  271. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#269): Braggadocious

    It’s a real word. Of course I looked it up. “Informal”, some dictionaries call it. It is also in Urban Dictionary, indicating it has some currency as slang. I’ll give it a pass.

  272. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G Please, Governor, have someone mirandize Luann before she blurts out her confession. We want the charges to stick this time.

  273. seismic-2
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#254): I am trying to imagine Mrs. Trail in a pose rather like this (most emphatically NSFW)

  274. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#273): Whuuuut? Ummm- WHY?

  275. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#270): …watching TV which hasn’t aired the Dennis the Menace show since 1963.

    Oh. Frank. You know better. It is still in syndication. It never left. The Empire never ended.

    “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” — Albert “Bill Faulkner” Camus

  276. Liam
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Have you ever seen ‘The Crying Game’?”

    Gil Thorp-You sound like an out of touch adult trying to sound hip.

  277. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#273): That young woman need to use more sunscreen. That tan line indicate a dangerous over-exposure level!

  278. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#270): You’re a Plugger if you know which cable channel carries “Dennis the Menace” reruns.

  279. Lumaca Morente
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#277): You got your verbs wrong. Try rolling up your tongue and putting it back in your mouth. That may help.

  280. Lumaca Morente
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#278): You’re a plugger if the calendar in your workshop features a woman on a hippo as “Miss April”.

  281. Lumaca Morente
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#280): I just realized this is probably how Pluggers came to be.
    //ew.

  282. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#279): orry, lo t my e e — dmmt. sssssssssssssssssssssss.

    // Please fill in as required.

  283. Lumaca Morente
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#277): Or perhaps you suddenly slipped into ABV. Which in this case could be American Black Vernacular, or Alcohol By Volume.

  284. Lumaca Morente
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#282): Why, you snake in the grass, you ;-)

  285. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @DariaFoxendorffer (#192):

    I would pay a hefty sum to see that!!!

  286. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#278): Not cable. Oddly enough, per Wikipedia, it is currently shown on a network called “Antenna TV”, a general entertainment network owned by Tribune Company designed for digital subchannels of over-the-air broadcast stations in the United States.

    So, yes, definitely Plugger territory, with their FCC subsidized digital-to-analog boxes. An interesting line up of programs.

  287. seismic-2
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

  288. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#273): The typical thing you see driving along interstate I-MT through Lost Forst…a babe from the Sports Illustrated calender photo shoot riding a hippo to the bathing pond between sets. I just hope Shelley covers Wes’ eyes during such displays of the naked wilderness while driving to the Trail homestead.

    Hey….THAT REALLY WOULD would make a good story!

  289. Lumaca Morente
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#287): I forgot how hilarious that story arc was! Those panels are priceless – for those who like that sort of thing.

  290. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#286): (said in crackling voice and gumming it while sitting in porch rocker): If-n they add The Rifleman, The Bounty Hunter and Twilight Zone to that-there list of theirs I’m-a goin’ an-a gettin me one of them there ann-tenn-ee’s, Sonny!

  291. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 12th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#286): Yep, and a Plugger would be extremely likely to have a digital-to-analog converter hooked to his b&w Philco.

  292. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

  293. Freakin Hemingwad
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#288): A glimpse of nature in the raw not unlike that reported by good Sequitor in his encounter with the baboon. Well, maybe unlike that.

  294. Jonathan Edwards
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#292): YE DARE SNICKER?

  295. john Edwards
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    My place – later?

  296. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Jonathan Edwards (#294): Damned if I do, damned if I don’t!

  297. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann That hideous grin! Those teeth! Speculate all you may about TJ’s sexual proclivities, there’s no way… Yikes! Those teeth, those hideous, hideous teeth!

  298. Droopy Says
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#254): You had me bewildered at “This all looks good and is starting to make sense.”

  299. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#241): Well, I dunno about trolling – I’m jest a humble ex-country-preacher-type – but the last line was for rhetorical effect, yes.

  300. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#293): Tell ya what…If Baboons looked just like that gorgeous beauty, I’d……HEY, I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE GIRL, DAMMIT, NOT THE HIPPO!

  301. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Luann Look, TJ. Toni hates your ass, and she’s counting on getting rid of you as an the only advantage of marrying Brad. And Brad has the emotional capacity of a dung beetle, something Toni has pretty much drained dry. Just write this one off as another of life’s lessons, and move on to manipulate your next victim.

  302. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    MT – And as we come to the end of another day in the Trailverse we can hear a cry from a picnic site clear across the pond saying….”HEY! ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCUSE ME OF EATING THE LAST SANDWICH THAT THE DOG DIDN’T PEE ON!?”

  303. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#297): So you’re saying you’ve found a male Burber, then?

  304. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Comment #302 is dedicated to the late great funny man, Jonathan Winters who died at home last night at the age of 87. May he rest in peace.

  305. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#288): “Shelly! I told you to take it easy on the LoFo ‘shrooms cause that was clearly a rhino and not a hippo. AAAGGHH!!! what was that hideous thing that ran across the road with a fishing pole??? Oh Man! Oh Man..I’m realllllly tripping..”

  306. Mikey
    April 12th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#297): As I mentioned earlier I find it better and more soothing to read today’s Luann and consider that TJ is not being ‘toothy’ but has rather had lip implants to help transform himself into a Tiffany like TJ.

  307. Mustang
    April 12th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#304): Oh man! He was the first comedian I ever loved.

  308. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#277): She was the little girl they used in those old Coppertone ™ ads with the little dog tugging at here bathing suit to show the Coppertone tan line. ….Looks like she grew up!

  309. ralph
    April 12th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    FW: Perhaps we are finally getting a sort of explanation for Cayla’s interest in (let alone marriage to) Les. Trapped in Westview, she surveyed the male population, and concluded, reasonably enough, that they were all horrific losers, but Les had this sob story literary property that might be turned into serious hard cash before he too got cancer and joined the rest of the town in the graveyard. “And then, by God, I can blow this popstand, and get a job in Judge Parker as another wealthy layabout.”

    I will grant that today is about as funny as FW ever gets.

    I look forward to the day when Batiuk gets tired of the whole pseudo-social responsibility thing, and his large cast of unlovable characters, and has Les waking up to realize that the last several decades have all been a fantasy day-dream, and he is really a college drop out who has spent the last 30 years as kitchen help at Montoni’s.

  310. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    April 12th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#306): Mikey, I hope we won’t regret this later…

    A wedding! This calls for more collagen!

  311. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#200):

    At least they’re not eating salmon squares and pink cake!

  312. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#254):

    Hippos are not nice. True fact – they kill more people in Africa every year than all other animals combined!

  313. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#256):

    Screenwriting? That’s something you do on a cruise ship silly!

  314. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#273):

    Yeah baby!

  315. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#304):

    I thought that you were referring to Aunt Edna in Vacation!

  316. Daniel
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    FW Ecccch, if my parakeet were a human, Les’s face in panel one would be what he’d wear when propositioning the ladybirds. “Hey baby, wanna go on a blimp ride?”

  317. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Is it just Daniel and I now?

    Is everybody out drinking now?

    Thanks for telling us guys, NOT!

    Sheesh!

    // No respect I tell ya!

  318. Illustrator Steve
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#315): I was, actually. But I was also thinking of Jonathan Winters at that same moment…sort of like multi tasking.

  319. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#318):

    He was a funny guy. I love him when I was a kid.

  320. Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    MT – The scene with Mark and Cherry picknicking is clip art from March 21, 1998, with Cherry redone in a sexy haltertop. Enter “Mark Trail ” in Wikipedia and scroll down to and highlight “Images for mark trail. “

  321. billman
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#223):

    Anthony Burgess also, too, as well.

    (Actually he hated A Clockwork Orange his own novel, considering it a piece of drivel he pounded out for a few bucks and far inferior to his more “serious” work. Also Kubrick (an Englishman like Burgess) had apparently only read the early American printing with the missing final chapter that put a whole ‘nother depressing twist on the tale and leaving no doubt about how the author despised Alex and all he stood for.

  322. tallyHO
    April 12th, 2013 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#312):

    But don’t they only eat vegetarians?

  323. Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy (320) – Arggh, should be Google, not “Wikipedia.”

  324. Sgt. Stoned
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    BC: Oh, I thought the one dressing to impress at the gym was the boyfriend which meant he was gay but girlfriend shouldn’t blame him because gayness is an orientation and not a preference. But that’s the great thing about great poetry–it’s open to any number of different interpretations!

  325. Peanut Gallery
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy (#320), @Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy (#323): Thanks for finding that! Here are some links: old and new.

  326. I speak Jive
    April 12th, 2013 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#286): Our local cable company carries Antenna TV. We’ve been watching Barney Miller – or rather, fifteen minutes of commercials interrupted by Barney Miller.

  327. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy (#320): So, you’re suggesting that Cherry (“redone” with different clothes AND hairstyle is “clipart”…? REALLY?

  328. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy (#320):

    I did that d didn’t see it. I think that that TRMT created some new art.

  329. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#328): THANKS FOR THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE! If Rapid Boy the Stock car Boy only knew! Folks, I’ve spent enough years tutoring under Jack Elrod that I could’ve graduated law-school and been practicing law by now! Yet, I’ve had this dream since I was a child (coming to fruition with this current daily storyline, which I’ll explain as it proceeds) … the dream of creating art and telling an entertaining stories for a living… along the way I have had my fair share of “trials and tribulations” (as everyone does) and I have always understood there will be critics. If someone finds something I dio less than entertaing… okay, however, I’ll NOT sit by and listen to someone simply cast aside what I have strived so hard to achieve as “clip-art”! Don’t like it? don’t read it! Take humorous jabs all you want, hell, maybe even the art isn’t your cup of tea… but (Rapid Boy) it’s NOT “clip-art”.

  330. Droopy Says
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy (#320): MT – The scene with Mark and Cherry picknicking is clip art from March 21, 1998, with Cherry redone in a sexy haltertop. Enter “Mark Trail ” in Wikipedia and scroll down to and highlight “Images for mark trail. “

    This would be a lot more convincing if Wikipedia worked that way. Or if you posted a link to the art in question.

  331. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#331): Droopy, Rapid Boy… didn’t mean wikipedia…… go to google, type in Mark Trail, hit ENTER, then go up and click images………. then start scrolling down. There is a very similar scene. However, as “Rapid Boy” himself points out “Cherry is redone”… which, by it’s VERY NATURE means new art has been created!

  332. Droopy Says
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#332): I’m somethging of a hidebound literalist when it comes to words, and I figured “wikipedia” means “wikipedia.” But here’s the link to the art in question:

    http://www.comicstripfan.com/newspaper/m/marktrail.htm

    Cherry’s different there; I’m not going to run the images through a blink comparator and look for other differences because, um, Cherry.

  333. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#330):

    Like I mentioned yesterday, I’m starting to feel guilty snarking MT now.

    Lets give TRMT some latitude! He’s doing a nice job.

    // Besides, I saw his pix, he might have some REAL Fists ‘o Justice!

  334. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#333): again… THANKS for the vote of confidence! :)

  335. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

  336. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#334):

    How often do we get this type of insight with others, suckph as Batiuk, Evans, or MeE?

  337. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#336):

    Looking forward to tomorrow!

  338. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#338): This coming Sunday page has a hidden bit of “reveal” in it and I’ll explain….

  339. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 12th, 2013 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

  340. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    April 13th, 2013 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    Hey fellow ‘munges, lets cut TRMT some slack and go after Fucked up Wankerbean, Mary Medder, Juggs Parker and Mary Meddler instead!

  341. Droopy Says
    April 13th, 2013 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#335): Well, you may not want to thank me after my Saturday comments. (Seriously, I realize you can only budget so much time to Mark Trail, and that the pay scale is probably closer to “labor of love” than “pays the rent.” So recycling stock backgrounds, with immobile objects like mountains, trees and Mark Trail, isn’t a problem for me. And your Cherry is a vast improvement over the 1998 version.)

  342. SideshowJon
    April 13th, 2013 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    I, for one, hope to see a growth in the Pluggers/Dennis the Menace rivalry

  343. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 13th, 2013 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#342): the Saturday strip is out (it’s after midnight here) and all we see of Cherry is the back of her head, in 2 panels……… but check out those shirt collars! :) as I said, I don’t mind criticism… but this is NOT clip-art

  344. Droopy Says
    April 13th, 2013 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#344): Okay, I spotted all six differences between the two Cherrys. It’s good to know Slylock Fox has a fallback career if crime ever ends. And I really like the Fifties buzz of this scene. The wardrobe, the plane landing at the hidden wilderness site, the scientific mysteries of LoFo itself–you’re really doing “This Island Earth,” aren’t you? It’s about time Mark Trail was outed for the Metalunan he is!

  345. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 13th, 2013 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#345): man, I LOVE that movie!…

  346. Rapid Roy the Stockcar Boy
    April 13th, 2013 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    The REAL Mark Trail (330): Wow! I apologize if I misused the term “clip art.” My point was that the Friday picnic scene is a 1998 scene containing a revised drawing of Cherry. Not that I have any objection, Cherry is certainly improved, as is the original art in this new story line. Carry on, REAL Mark Trail.

  347. parcheesi
    April 13th, 2013 at 6:38 am [Reply]

    I’m assuming that after the hypothetical boyfriend in the BC poem jealously castigates his girl for putting on a show for all the other guys at the gym, he deftly withdraws one hand from the pockets of his leather jacket and restlessly combs his oily pompadour, before flicking away his cigarette and departing via motorcycle.

  348. Mikey
    April 13th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#330): It is quite obvious that you tutored under Jack since you can draw Mark better than him. I saved an article circa 1989 that talked about Jack tqaking over from Ed Dodd, so I really do love this strip. I’m only 47 but my dad is a retired USFS District Ranger. Growing up that was the only comic I rememer him reading to me on Sunday. I basically grew up in the Bizzaro Lost Forest. The good guy’s had facial hair and my dad forced me to go fishing with him all the time..

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