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Philosophical phunnies

Family Circus and Hagar the Horrible, 9/27/08

Two legacy strips check in with mind-bending unjokes today. Little Billy, having grown bored with physical violence, threats of physical violence, and crude insults, has decided to use some Philosophy 101 semantics and ontology to harass his sister. “Dolly, when is a thing not a thing? When do names not encode true meaning? Huh? Huh? Do you get it? Do you?” Dolly’s expression of anxiety proves that her big brother’s reign of terror is continuing on unchecked — only this time, she’ll have no bruises to show Mommy, so the torture will continue.

Meanwhile, Hagar is forcing an existential dilemma on his poor dog. “Why do you have to be what you are? Why can’t you be something else?” The idea that a question like “why” can even be applied to the essence of existence is enough to send anyone into paroxysms of depression — I didn’t make me! Why can’t love me as I am! Fortunately, Snert seems to have a great deal more self-assurance than Dolly, and is unfazed.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/27/08

You hear that, doc? You stay away from Niki, if you like that pretty little face of yours! And if there’s one thing we know about Rex, it’s that he likes that pretty little face of his.

Shoe, 9/27/08

I always assume that, when it appears in a newspaper comic strip, “dating” is a euphemism for “fucking,” which assumption really pays off when it comes to making this strip funnier. There’s a joke about hitting balls with clubs to be made here as well, but I leave that as an exercise for the reader.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 27, 2008 at 02:58 pm and is filed under Family Circus, Hagar the Horrible, Rex Morgan, M.D., Shoe. |

219 responses to “Philosophical phunnies”

gustav
September 27th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Dolly, you may have wondered what happened to the cat….let me play you a little song that might explain things.

LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!!!
The Paradox
September 27th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Well that’s a bummer…I guess the gratuitous “first” posts are no longer allowed. : (
Josh
September 27th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

#2 The Paradox — Gratuitous “first” posts were in fact never allowed on this blog. Sometimes one might slip through (I cannot be all-seeing and all-knowing) but I always zap them when I see them. Nothing personal, but I think they’re obnoxious.

However, if someone posts a gratuitous “first” post that turns out to not actually be the first post, I leave that be, as it sort of is its own punishment.

For more on posting policies, see the posting policies:

http://joshreads.com/?page_id=514

Josh
The Paradox
September 27th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

*More on posting policies can be found on the internets…
mojo
September 27th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Snert is merely demonstrating the judicious application of brains over brawn by a carefully placed Human Shield between him and the danger.

Hagar, being more on the “brawn” side of the spectrum, just doesn’t get it …. yet.
Baka Gaijin
September 27th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

#39 Ukelele Ike yesterthread:

Skullturf @ #35: I think we wants a big messy hot dog with all the condiments available, aka “Chicago-style.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago-style_hot_dog

Or maybe he wants the whole 12 inches shoved up his butt.

Ha ha ha! “Or maybe he wants the whole 12 inches shoved up his butt.” I’m appending that to all comic strip’s punchlines tomorrow. I’m not sure it’s enough to make Cathy funny, though.
Patrick
September 27th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

But guitar strings ARE strings! They’re not “string,” as in the material closely related to twine, or a distant cousin to yarn, but they’re strings nonetheless. The same as a string of pearls is a string. Or a string of letters makes up the word “string.” And string theory…

…I have to go lie down. Billy, you’ve undone me.
Baka Gaijin
September 27th, 2008 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

#7 Patrick: Are you really, truly trying to reason with that hypercephalatic dwarf? You’ve heard the saying, “Don’t argue with an idiot…”
Islamorada Girl
September 27th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Alan went to be with Jesus.
Alan passed away.
Alan slipped the mortal bounds.
Alan departed this life.
Alan’s silver cord is loosened, his golden bowl is broken.
Alan bought the farm.
Alan is taking a dirt nap.
Alan passed over.
Alan breathed his last.
Alan checked out.
Alan has slipped into the shadowy land from whence none return.
Alan is sleeping the big sleep.

ALAN IS DEAD, LUANN! DEAD AS A DOORNAIL! WHAT DON’T YOU GET ABOUT THAT, YOU STUPID HOOCH? NO GO TO NORTH DAKOTA AND VISIT YOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 27th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Patrick @ 7: I think you’re onto something. Billy’s guitar strings aren’t just strings. They’re superstrings. What makes them so? Because when you pluck them, they vibrate in not three, but twenty-six dimensions. He tunes them by altering their Planck lengths. Did I just blow your tiny little mind?!?

More information about superstring theory can be comprehended by smoking Dope®.
Muffaroo-who-walks
September 27th, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

My comments on the Saturday comics are buried two threads back. The recap I just posted is already buried in a moribund thread. I can’t wait for the check to clear for that stalking service, so I’ll always know when Josh is about to post.

Last time. Shortest version:

• In the throes of passion, Beetle calls Buxley “Miss.”
• “Six foot nine inch Jeff Ponczak” is six feet tall, but nine inches… long.

My brain hurts now.
fluffy
September 27th, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

#6 Baka Gaijin:

Um, wouldn’t it make more sense to post responses to a thread on that same thread? It’s annoying enough to have to scroll around for things, but having to open up several separate pages in order to follow a conversation is just ridiculous. Plus, posting on a separate thread assumes that whoever you’re replying to is reading both threads.
GWH
September 27th, 2008 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Maybe Billy has realized that with the advent of Guitar Hero the guitar is no longer a useful sign, but rather a simulacrum. There is no such thing as a guitar anymore, merely the late-capitalist representation of a guitar.

Or maybe this comic strip is really, really dumb.
sh
September 27th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

GA: Hopefully she breaks even on those 2000 lottery tickets she bought with the Sultan’s money.
Rollersnakes
September 27th, 2008 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

Islamorada Girl, I believe that Luann is in fact from South Dakota. You may remember the strips in which she wins a free trip to SOUTH DAKOTA! (she said it just like that). I guess South Dakota is a lot different than North Dakota, so she likes to stress the difference. For instance, South Dakota has a higher suicide rate.
Norm
September 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

thirteenth
Norm
September 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

damn
Baka Gaijin
September 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

#12 Fluffy: I understand what you’re saying. I replied on last thread just as this thread got posted, and to minimize the thread-jumping, I quoted the appropriate post on this thread’s post. Damn that Josh for leaving so little time between posts!

“Or maybe he wants the whole 12 inches shoved up his butt.” Huh, not as funny here.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 27th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

–He sounded skeptical!
–He should… this is marked allegro con brio and you are clearly approaching it as an allegro ma non troppo, which doesn’t support the unexpected Neapolitan minor harmonies after the chorus at all. Bozo.
Sorako-chan
September 27th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

“It’s true, they’re not really strings! And your head isn’t actually your head! And that sugar I found in mommy’s sock drawer definantly wasn’t sugar! Now help me wipe PJs blood off the TV before the elephants try to invade us again.”
Joe Blevins
September 27th, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

FC: Oh, crap, Billy’s going to be a coffee house troubadour. He’s already got the smug facial expression down pat. Once he’s old enough to grow a soul patch, we’re doomed.

HtH: Why is it always the big bully asshole dogs who wear the spiky S&M collars? Why do they even need them?

RMMD: Ollie Tweaks? Haw, haw! I’ll bet he does. Seriously, though, this strip is in trouble. Rex is borrowing the patented “smug leaning back in chair with hand behind head” posture from Gil Thorp. Also, in panel 3, why is the word “bottle” emphasized? Randomly emphasizing words is probably the first symptom of some horrible brain disease which Rex will neither be able to diagnose nor treat. As for the young woman’s method of luring Ollie Tweaks — “snatching him away” — that’s getting a little too close to crude innuendo for me. And you know what they say: innuendo and out the other. G’night, everybody!
Sharona
September 27th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

Wow, it’s like the Family Circus has suddenly become Cheech and Chong. I didn’t see that coming.
Sorako-chan
September 27th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

A3G: Don’t be too hard on Luann for being slow on the uptake today- her disturbing, flesh-colored cat-eyes have been giving her a headache. Oh, wait. I mean me a headache. Giving me a headache.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

The Family Circus: a comic so stupid that it is almost profound.

I just wasted hours reading through the Pibgorn archives. Damn you, commodorejohn. Damn your eyes.

The big tough dog that Snert is not like is about to swallow Hagar whole. There’s some poetic justice there. Well…perhaps “poetic” is the wrong word.
Muffaroo-who-whines
September 27th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

I realized too late how I should have signed #11. Moan, gripe.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 27th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

– Sir, Poulet blew up an ice cream truck!
– An ice cream truck? In the middle of the dessert? What the fuck?
– You got me. By all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense.
– Did any particularly humorous situation arise as a consequence of this improbable setup?
– Ahhhhh…. not really. No.
Norm
September 27th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

twenty seventh
messybessy
September 27th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Talking about doctor relationships, don’t you think Rose is much cuter than that whiny Meredith who hasn’t been acting nearly as slutty lately as we’ve come to expect? And what’s with all those girls falling for George? Come on, he’s so gay.
Norm
September 27th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

Haha didja see? I got the 27th post. does anyone else have the 27th post? Nope, only I do. Just me. Because I AM A NAPOLEON. NONE OF THE RULES APPLY. Just go ahead and skip voting this year, because I am your new leader.
Isaac
September 27th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

Twenty-seventh!
Joe Blevins
September 27th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

RMMD: One more thing about June’s orange and black, tiger-striped stretch pants. THEY’RE GRRRRRRRREAT!!!!! Well, actually, no. They’re tacky and cheap looking. But that “radical lesbian activist” mullet you’re sporting in panel 3 is quite fetching…

…in that it makes you look like a dog. THANK YOU! GOOD NIGHT! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! DRIVE SAFELY!
Isaac
September 27th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

… by which I mean, of course, today’s date.

Also, I have the twenty-seventh post.
Norm (Your New Leader)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

My first decree is to outlaw the dangerous ideology of Billy, who claims that “strings are not strings”. Such counterrevolutionary rhetoric is designed to confuse and anger my faithful subjects with blatant disregard for common sense. I declare this Billy to be a degenerate, and order his immediate execution.
Norm (Your New Leader)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

@ 30

Do not fear, my people. The character known as Isaac has been lying to you. He does not posses the coveted 27th post. His disregard for simple mathematics only emphasizes his hatred for the good and kind residents of Curmudgia. I urge all loyal patriots to join me in a campaign against the despicable Isaac.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
September 27th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

Next on Family Circus:

“Dwarf planets are not planets!”

“Guinea pigs are not pigs!”

“Prairie oysters are not oysters!”

“Sea horses are not horses!”

“A Walkman is not a man!”

“A Bluetooth is not a tooth!”

“Chicken fingers are not fingers!”

“Tiger Woods is not a tiger!”

“Donkey Kong is not a donkey!”

See, it’s not funny when I do it, either.
Mars
September 27th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

“Monkeys aren’t donkeys! Don’t mess with my head!” –Hubert Q. Farnsworth

Friday’s Lio was bittersweet, a pre-acknowledgement of the death of a beloved character (Opus).

On a related subject, everybody here should be reading Lio. So should everyone else everywhere. It’s been a long time since a comic strip has entertained me this much.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

#27, 27, 27, & 27: The twenty-seventh post, like Billy’s strings/not-strings, is an allegorical representation of the universality of human experience. Therefore, we all have the twenty-seventh post.
Lapsed Librarian
September 27th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Even just pretending to substitute “fuck” for other words can add new levels of hilarity. Check out this awesome example.
Norm (Your New Leader)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

@37

Aha, Angry Kem. I see you too share in your “commrades” sick belief that the 27th post belongs to everyone and must be shared, but you are wrong. I received post 27. It was destiny. It was mandated by Heaven above that I receive that post number. That’s why I posted at the time I did. If you question me, you are also questioning the Gods.

I declare Angry Kem a dangerous Heretic. Do not listen to him. He deserves banning!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick, Decreer of Things
September 27th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Hey, step off, Norm (Your New Leader) @ 33! I’ve been the self-appointed Decreer of Things around here since you were in short pants! And if there’s any decreeing to be done, I’ll darn well do it, got me?

That said, I totally agree with decreeing the execution of Billy. Carry on.
Norm (Your New Leader)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

I hereby award the Spectacular Spider Brick with the official Curmudgia badge of Loyalty for his/her brave service battle.

Well done.
Norm (Your New Leader)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

But remember that I am your New Leader. You are only a decreer of things.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 27th, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

– It’s true! Daddy’s “trouser rat” isn’t really a rat.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 27th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

(Sure, that’s tasteless, but it’s probably better than the Mommy joke I had there first.)
bff
September 27th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Comment #35 for COTW!
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

#39 Norm the Terrible Tyrant Who Struggles Against All Philosophy: *Tsk*…you declare me a heretic for stating dangerous truths…

…and you don’t even know that I’m not a freakin’ guy.
Norm (Your New Leader, Commander of The Marmadukes)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

That’s it! I will not have any more dissension in my land. Angry Kem, you are officially a criminal.

I am raising an army to carry out my will. If you wish to side with me and declare the purity of post 27, please join my new royal guard. This elite squadron will be known as “The Marmadukes” since the character of Marmaduke symbolizes the values of Normism: Dominance, Courage, Strength, and a hatred of cats and baths.
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 27th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

FC: Me? I’m just thankful there’s no audio on Family Circus.

DtM: Man, I ain’t even goin’ there.

GT: I’m pretty sure that next it was Jeff standing on the chair with Trisha down below. Perhaps thankfully, they can’t show you that part.

Phantom: “Wait, I just started explaining my fiendish plot. Man, me and Blofeld have to stop doing that.”

Archies: It’s bad enough the club owner just found out the Archies haven’t had any hits in 38 years. At least they could be punctual.

Luann: I’m starting to think that there is no calendar. Just a twisted, cruel plot to separate a fool from his money.

FB: Does Fred’s metabolism allow him to digest chocolate? Or are his owners trying to kill him?
Norm (Your New Leader, Commander of The Marmadukes)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

I do however apoligize for confusing the gender of Angry Kem.
Regardless, he/she/it is still a criminal.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

*Waves a tiny tattered flag*

I shall not bend to tyranny! Ours is a nation of free snarkage! My brain is not owned by the crown! There is no crown! Or spoon! The string is not a string! Every sperm is sacred! Marmaduke is just a big dog!
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 27th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Trisha’s coming on strong because she heard that Jeff’s dynamite in the sack.
Norm (Your New Leader, Commander of The Marmadukes)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Blasphemy!
Duke of Marm
September 27th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

Someone called?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick, Decreer of Things
September 27th, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

I decree this entire discussion as too silly to go on. Any attempt to carry on with this new-leader nonsense will be swiftly and sternly ignored with all the ignorance I can bring to bear.

Now let’s have some good, clean, outdoor fun.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

And now you’re trying to curb our religious freedom (or freedom from religion) as well?

It’s revolution time.
Norm (Your New Leader, Commander of The Marmadukes)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

Duke of Marm: Join me in conquering the partisans loyal to Angry Kem and Billy. Truth must prevail.
Harold
September 27th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

“Yes, dear. It’s serious. Alan isn’t in the hospital, Lu Ann. Margo didn’t provide him with insurance, so we tossed his shot-up junkie ass into an alley a few blocks away. You can visit him there if you like.”
bees on pie
September 27th, 2008 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

The way they’ve been dancing around “Alan is dead,” I’m pretty sure he’s not dead, and today’s “he’s not in the hospital” means he’s in jail for shooting what’s-his-name. So while I’ll be disappointed if Alan’s not dead, I look forward to police interrogations and/or rehab drama, Apartment 3-G style!
Norm (Your New Leader, Commander of The Marmadukes)
September 27th, 2008 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

Mandatory oath that all must take:

1. Number 27 is a special number designated by the Gods to signify nobility.
2. Norm is the sole owner of post 27, and is thereby leader of Curmudgia.
3. There exist three gods: Marmaduke, the god of war, Elly, god of obedience, and Mark Trail, god of justice.
4. Garfield is the devil.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Honestly…are we going to stand for this horrible, horrible tyranny? Norm is actually denying the supremacy of the Josh! I…I think he may be the Antijosh. Don’t fall for his tricks and lies; he only wants to lure you over to his side, then cause this blog to be consumed in a fiery and very specific Armageddon.

Beware. Beware…
Norm (Your New Leader, Commander of The Marmadukes)
September 27th, 2008 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

On the otherhand, Angry Kem, with his/her/its PostBillyist rhetoric would have you believe that Josh is not really a Josh but something else. How can we stand for this contradiction?

I think the choice is clear. Fight for Norm. Fight for truth.
Stranger...
September 27th, 2008 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

JP: Look at the puppies on that babe…

A3G: When I first read today’s, I thought it said. “Alan isn’t in the hospital, LuAnn is” (i.e. the mental hospital… did you actually think any of this is real? You’ve been hallucinating a mildly interesting storyline for weeks. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen here for real! Alan’s drug problem was a simple case of transference from your real habits.)
(The above parenthetical statements best read in a strained Austrian/German accent, reminiscent of Dr Ruth…)
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
September 27th, 2008 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

60 Kem — “very specific Armageddon”

So, not a Herb & Jamaal Armageddon?
Poteet
September 27th, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

A3G — Just a reminder that if Lu Ann ever does get to South Dakota, she’s supposed to go see prairie wildflowers, courtesy of that strange conservation organization that is so inexplicably impressed with her botanical art and is busy trying to boost her career instead of ACTUALLY PROTECTING PRAIRIES (sorry, I can never remember how to do italics). I hope the IRS will look into that organization’s tax-exempt status. Most likely Lu Ann’s dysfunctional family will take up all her time, but I refuse to abandon hope.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
September 27th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

“dating” is a euphemism for “fucking,”

But then why would it be time-consuming?

Er…wait, never mind. I didn’t say anything.
Mac
September 27th, 2008 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

Is Snert actually wagging his tail? Maybe the tough dog is a female.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 27th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

The Six Chix chix so perfectly embody the image conjured up by Kathy Greenwood’s one immortally funny contribution to Whose Line: “Flat and flappy!”
Poteet
September 27th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

Alan is the walrus.
Mooncattie
September 27th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

A3G is missing out on a wonderful comic-crossover opportunity here. They could have shipped Lu Ann out to South Dakota by now and have her learn that someone has been draining the prairies.

Poteet, use the LESSER THAN key, then the letter i, then the GREATER THAN key to start your italics. To end the italic string, use the LESSER THAN key, a / stroke (lower case QUESTION MARK key), then the letter i, then the GREATER THAN key.

Hope I’m explaining this alright!
Substitute the letter b instead of i, and you’ll get Bold.
boojum
September 27th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

You know, when you think about it, 27 is really only 3 to the power of 3. And the # 3 post is… Josh.

Makes you think, doesn’t it, people?

And have you ever really looked at your fingers, man…?
bees on pie
September 27th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

Whoa, I understand eeeeverythiiiiing!
Talking Squirrel
September 27th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

“I always assume that, when it appears in a newspaper comic strip, “dating” is a euphemism for “fucking,” which assumption really pays off…”

Only in here. Not in, er, real life.

I enjoy interposing “fuck” for “dance” when listening to music. Also “hoser” for “angel”.

Lapsed Librarian, thanks for the Muppet link; wisible indeed.

As for the revolution, a plague on both your houses — I say this as the commissar of La Frontera Veintisiete — the only party that {F#&K}s!
Norm (Your New Leader, Commander of The Marmadukes)
September 27th, 2008 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

@70 …. I have been deceived. 27 is certainly 3 to the third power, meaning that my power is only an echo of the true ruler of this land: Josh.

Now I give up my throne to Josh. Swift death to his enemies!

Angry Kem: I hope you are not angry at me.
Norm (Josh's Loyal Subject)
September 27th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

Hail Josh!
Uncle Lumpy
September 27th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

#64 Poteet –

<i>Italics!</i>

Also: FREEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

Erk!
Baron Bizarre
September 27th, 2008 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

#9: “‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This junkie is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e
rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the
bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-JUNKIE!! ”

(‘Cept, no one nailed Alan to a perch, did they? Oh, well, no analogy is perfect.)
Poteet
September 27th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

# 69 Mooncattie — Your proposed crossover storyline is based on a current reality, and therefore could never pass the SAI (“Silly And Inane”) Test required to become an MT or A3G storyline. Alas.

And um…*pause to carefully type*… thanks!
Poteet
September 27th, 2008 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

# 75 Uncle Lumpy — Dang it, I’m apparently failing to understand one of your clever cultural references. So embarrassing.
Baron Bizarre
September 27th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

A reference to Braveheart, maybe?
Poteet
September 27th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

Now I just hope I can control myself.
Poteet
September 27th, 2008 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

Hey, now I can inappropriately emphasize words just like RMMD! This could be fun! Maybe I should…

*large cane suddenly appears and abruptly pulls Poteet offstage to wild cheering*
Islamorada Girl
September 27th, 2008 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

15: Rollersnake, and a cool nom de blog it is: my bad. Actually, somewhere years ago, the 3G Dumb Blonde was supposed to be from Texas. No wonder I’m confused. Old timers will recall LuAnn had an aunt who lived in her van in other people’s driveways in order to pursue her religious career, and I do believe that was in Texas. And Ruby’s from Texas. Maybe the Powers clan, like the Sawney Beans, was driven out by locals bearing torches and pitchforks and were forced to the Dakotas before they ran out of gas. I dunno.
HumorComputer
September 27th, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

I mandate from heaven that i am whatever number my posting is. Ha. Down with Norm.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
September 27th, 2008 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Listen Norm, Sluggo Smith Rules.
Mooncattie
September 27th, 2008 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

MT – I’ve been enjoying…yes, enjoying!…Mark’s latest adventure. Certainly part of it is wondering what folks are going to write on this blog about each day’s strip. I couldn’t figure out why Mark’s chat with Pop out in the rather lush-looking dried wetlands was separated from the scene in Charlie’s office with the word “Later” – printed vertically rather than getting its own narration box. And for two days in a row, yet! Why not “Meanwhile”? Why would the events in the Evil Company’s office have to take place AFTER Mark’s conversation with Pop? And how would they even be aware of Mark Trail visiting, and who would care anyhow? Today’s presentation of Mark’s troublemaking article in the newspaper, I guess, answers these questions. I can only guess that Mark has this magical carte blanche account with the newspaper of his choice, nurtured perhaps by years of punching uncooperative editors, that allows him instant column space to write about anything he pleases. Fortunately, Evil Corporations in this strip never lack for mustachioed middle managers who scan the dailies for bad publicity.

Finally, I’m unsure about Miss Butler. I feel that the MT folks owe it to their several fans to work as hard on the guest stars’ names as they do on the regulars (Rusty, Cherry, Kelly Welly, etc). Pop and Sneaky are fine choices, but “Miss Butler”? I was hoping for something a little more “Sam Hill” – how about an Australian boss named “Bloody Ell”?
BigTed
September 27th, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

Is today’s “Rex Morgan” a crossover strip? There’s no way Ollie Tweaks wasn’t created for the long-running drug plot line of “Apartment 3-G” — and I bet we’re about to find out that the younger woman who “snatched him away” was professional man-snatcher Margo.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

#63 Skullturf: No…a H&J Armageddon would be described as “that well-known end-of-the-world thing everybody’s talking about.”

Norm: Angry at you? Specifically? I am angry at the whole world on general principles; you I simply intended to overthrow in a bloody revolution. Fortunately, someone has pointed out the Threeness of Josh, and you have backed down. We’ll dismantle the barricades…for now.

I have also just gone and bought a tub of Breyers Brownie Mud Pie ice cream, so I’m feeling considerably less angry, except possibly at myself.
Islamorada Girl
September 27th, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

Josh is the true pope here, but don’t sign any checks with your mouth that your ass can’t cash when Emperor Chennux is watching. Bad ju-ju! Very bad!
crossbuck
September 27th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

DtM: Ugh. Is Dennis turning child prostie and getting so into it that Dad’s pimping him out (and getting him napkins to make him clean up)? I’m surprised he didn’t ask for the men’s room key.

Rex Morgan, Scrip-Writing Croaker: With that look on her face, Niki wouldn’t hit pretty Rex with a wine bottle, she’d give him a broken-bottle castration.
Donald The Anarchist
September 27th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

Shoe Just imagine, if the punchline had been “Just like running for congress” it would’ve been hard-hitting political humor. Or “Just like running a public high school” renders it a poignant comment on todays educational system! Or “just like buying gas;” even more topical! Oh, with a joke that generic, imagine the strips all of us could write! Here’s one last one: “Just like masturbating to expensive hotel porn when you have arthritis and are impotent.” It’s GOLD, Jerry, GOLD!
Donald The Anarchist
September 27th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

FC Dolly never heard what Billy said any more. She just stood paralyzed by fear, wondering when he’d hit her with the guitar again…

RMMD “…And then I would’ve made him clean my garage with his bloody face! Does that kind of talk turn
you on Rex? PLEASE?! It’s been months…”
northwest transplant
September 27th, 2008 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

I see from the Portland Oregonian’s Editor’s Blog they use for reader feedback that they claim their readers have voted 258 to 128 to keep FOOB. Not many for a paper that claims its circulation is in the hundreds of thousands. They ran two representative letters from readers on opposite sides of the issue and the “pro-Foob”er reminded the editor that “I am old enough to be your mother.” So,like castor oil,take your FOOB. Or say something on their Comments page which is still open to reader comments.(sorry I couldn’t download the link to oregonlive.com,which is their website).
John C Fremont
September 27th, 2008 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

A hundred, thirty-seventh! (Just getting in my reservation ahead of time.)

Oh, and when you play Billy’s stringless song at 78 RPM, it says “I buried Alan” at the end.
Citizen Norm
September 27th, 2008 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

An hour or so has passed since my reign ended, and life is good. I am a humble citizen now. No more “Death to Josh, Death to Billy”. Just regular old Norm – a tax paying citizen who abides by the law.

Law requires that I make fun of a comic strip, so here I go.

Pluggers: Today’s ice-cream segregationist has his hands permanently stuck in the “devil horns” rock gesture, which is thoroughly unplugger-like. A true plugger only owns 3 records: Tijuana Brass – Whipped Cream and Other Delights, The Best of Merle Haggard, and Kenny G’s Silhouette. Tijuana Brass is for the kids, Kenny G is for the wife. and Merle Haggard is there to scare away “those goddamn hippies”.

My only guess is that this young plugger is allowed to listen to rock and roll on the condition that it must be white-power hatecore. Clearly this Plugger comes from a racist family. Why else would he want to keep ice cream flavors in different boxes? As an earlier poster noted, this is a metaphor for unbridled racism.
mckenzee
September 27th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Please, someone help me with today’s Get Fuzzy. I understand the Notes from the Underground, but not the final panel.
LoFoMoFo
September 27th, 2008 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

GT: It looks like Trisha forgot the handcuffs and latex hood.
Mooncattie
September 27th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

#87 Angry Kem, PLEASE keep that wonderful anger of yours alive, especially in your Middle English comics translation blog which I’ve been following with total wonderment and admiration. I live in fear of the day when you become Mellow Kem and your blog becomes A Tip ‘o the Hat to Our Friends The Funnies from Now and Yesteryear, Yep. And have you tried Breyers Fudgecicle Fury? It’s like this chocolate coloured ice cream with chocolate coloured syrup ribbons in it, an’ if your lucky, you can spoon out a whole little puddle of the syrup where the squirter got stuck, and ohmyohmyohmyohmyohmy*pancreas explodes*
Fra. Bunnë of the execrable order of the curmudgeonites.
September 27th, 2008 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe I missed the revolution.

I was going to lead the resistance as a member of the clergy, which I declared myself recently by adding the title “Fra”.

Well I guess I don’t have to now. Hmmm.

OK: snarkery instead. This FC left me feeling confused, as I tried to figure out what guitar strings were, if not “strings”. I wonder if Billy will go after other homonyms next: did you know that a pike is not a pike?
docweasel
September 27th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

re: norm

beating an unfunny premise into the ground isn’t as bad as beating a funny premise I guess because you really aren’t killing anything that was ever worthwhile.

You are however, spamming up a perfectly good thread with an endless run of lame-ass non-humor based on calling out the site owner on his policies.

And since being an unwitting idiot is humorous, you have succeeded in being funny, albeit accidentally.
JustinPlayfair
September 27th, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

“Why can’t love me as I am” does not persuade me to hire Josh to edit my stuff.
Citizen Norm, Defender of Josh's Policies
September 27th, 2008 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

I’m sorry you feel that way Doc Weasel. I have repented for my violation of rule 4 (being an insufferable prick). Will you repent for your violation of rule 3 (mean-spiritedly attacking your fellow commentors)?
Red Greenback
September 27th, 2008 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

First!…just kidding. Anyhoo.
F’cus: That was weak. In keeping with the Family Circus-style malapropism, Billy should have said something along the lines of: “They aren’t really strings, they’re Ernie’s balls!”
Islamorada Girl
September 27th, 2008 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

Angry Kem and Mooncattie: Have you tried Ben and Jerry’s New York Fudge Chunk? It’s crammed full of chocolate, nuts and other great stuff that will send you into a diabetic coma. But you will die soooo happy!
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 27th, 2008 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

But y’see, Red, your joke there betrays far too much familiarity with its subject material to qualify as authentically vague, hand-waving family circus mush.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

Mooncattie and Islamorada Girl: Curse you both. Now I have more beautiful, beautiful chocolaty goodness to try. Both those flavours sound utterly fantastic. I am very much a fan of accidental puddles of syrup.

Mooncattie: I don’t think I’m in much danger of becoming less angry at syndicated comics any time soon.

I’ve been thinking some more about Billy’s string comment, and I’ve decided that it is probably just an indication that he doesn’t know the definition of the word “string.” He is a Keane kid, so this isn’t all that surprising.
Paperback Rifler
September 27th, 2008 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

Hey all — If you read the following snark, please keep in mind that I’m only here to make everybody else’s snark seem much more hilarious:

Beetle Bailey: Good heavens. Miss Buxley has such slim pickings in the Camp Swampy romance department that she’s had to settle for making out with Beetle, who is so lazy that Miss Buxley probably had to do all the work. Of course, Miss Buxley quite sensibly held their tryst in a darkened movie theater, where she wouldn’t actually have to look at Beetle and be all freaked out that he doesn’t have any eyes.

Gasoline Alley: Wait — Rover turns around, and already Hoogie has spent $2,000? Well, I hope that at least some of that money has gone into getting those eyes of hers fixed. Yeesh.

Close to Home: I hope that Pharmacist Roy never has to act out side effects for erectile dysfunction meds. He would probably get arrested if he mimed an erection that lasted more than four hours.

Bizarro: If this were Funky Winkerbean, the one whale would be saying, “So, are those lumps cancer?”

Funky Winkerbean: “Slumber Showers”? Is that a real store? Does “Slumber Showers” sell merchandise to those consumers who enjoying combining showering and sleeping? They don’t carry electric shower blankets with which you could electrocute yourself, do they? (Actually, I guess they would; in the Funkyverse, you could probably make a good living by providing a wide variety of products that would allow folks to end their misery.)

Judge Parker: For some reason, this week’s installments have made me keep humming, “I wish I was in Dixie.” (All right: “Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge!” Fine.) I actually am a little bummed because Dixie will probably be revealed to be the murderer since Wilson hasn’t bothered to introduce any other likely suspects. I could be wrong, though — the strip could be gearing up for a series of month-long interviews with improbably busty female suspects, each one chestier and more scantily clad than the last. It wouldn’t be Agatha Christie, but at least the strip would be hewing to its strengths.

Spider-Man: Gee, if “Big Time” just let this Spider-Man vendetta go, then he could make a fortune with those amazing levitating clocks of his. There’s even a ready-made name for his levitating clock business: “Time Flies.” (Get it? See, ’cause he’d be selling clocks, right? Clocks that fly! Ha! . . . Oh, never mind.)

And for those of you who have been following the Menace vs. Coherence Project (thanks, Mom!), it stumbles forward with entries from the 25th, the 26th, and the 27th.
LurkNoLonger
September 27th, 2008 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

35 Skullturf: “An English horn is neither English nor a horn!” Hahaha! That was fun …. uh ….. hmmmmm.
survivor
September 27th, 2008 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

It’s true! The strings on a guitar are not really strings.

And the fingers on your chubby arm are not really fingers.
Red Greenback
September 27th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

Billy K. reading A3G: “Wow, if Alan was that strung out, how cum I din’t see any strings? Oh well, he’s dead now.”
Billy K. reading JP: “The g-string Dixie Julep wears in her act doesn’t work too good on a guitar!”
Billy K. listening to “No Not Now” by Frank Zappa: “String beans to Utah? Wow that’ll take a lotta string!”
Billy K. after eating too muc…. sorry, I’m over it. Curses upon you, stupid Billy.
Poteet
September 27th, 2008 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

# 106 Paperback: Re your JP comment — what a great idea! Each busty suspect could be named after a different drink, and the final suspect and murderess, Long Island Iced Tia, could have a triple-E bosom and be topless, sitting behind a strategically-placed fern. And all of the suspects could keep their full, sensuous lips ready for whistling, just like Dixie.

I’d demand equal time via another murder requiring interviews with handsome male suspects, but, as has been pointed out on CC before, there’s a general tragic shortage of sexy males in comics, compared to sexy females. Or maybe the fans of sexy males are pickier.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2008 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

#95 mckenzee: In Dostoevsky’s Notes from Underground, the narrator (the Underground Man) at one point exclaims, “They won’t let me…I can’t be good!” To Liza the prostitute. Who I guess is being played by Satchel the dog.
Flipper
September 27th, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

#111 was me. I must have tossed my cookies.

Regarding Luann, is it customary for the firefighters to have to pay to be in a calendar? I don’t think Greg Evans quite understands the concept of how the money gets raised.
AtomicDog
September 27th, 2008 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

GA – Rover’s no Ferengi.
Tabby Lavalamp
September 27th, 2008 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

Look at Snert’s little happy tail wag! That’s because he knows his owner is about to become Hagar the Horrikibble.
Ukulele Ike
September 27th, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

John @ #93: It just sounds like “I buried Alan.” It actually says “cranberry sauce.”

FC: “What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?”

“One has strings; the other has strangs.”

Alan is a dead man, miss him miss him miss him…..
Mark in Boston
September 27th, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

“More on posting policies can be found on the internets…”

Moron Posting Policies, however can be found right here:

1. Make sure your post has nothing to do with the topic ….
Mooncattie
September 27th, 2008 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

#103 Islamorada Girl – New York Fudge Chunk? Wow!! There is a Ben & Jerry’s about 10 minutes away from my workplace (not many of ‘em in Toronto), and I now have an excuse to wander by in the coming week. Yum! Many years ago I visited the Vermont B&J factory – I highly recommend taking the tour there – free samples of ice cream!

Angry Kem – since our meetup with Niall and Skullturf, I’ve actually stopped reading Foob, and find I haven’t missed it at all. I think after the third or fourth consecutive strip of one of Elly’s kids passing gas/spitting/slurping food/making some horrible noise, I decided to just let it go…er…roadside. Yes, Lynne, I’ve knocked you off MY list of comics! I couldn’t help following the storylines in the past year, as unlikely as they were – but now that we’ve reset the whole family back thirty years, it’s just…dull. I’ve actually added a comic to my daily scan, and I can’t believe that it’s Hi & Lois – but I’m inspired by the comments from Niall and True Fable about its essential bleakness, and I find myself checking in each day to see if it really is that gloomy. It is!! One look at Trixie’s face, already defeated by life at such a young age, and my day is off to a good start!
Muffaroo-who-whines
September 27th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

A3G – Following the lead of Baron Bizarre @76’s John Cleese quote, here’s how other celebrities would break the news about Alan to to Lu Anne:

Chevy Chase: Alan is currently reported to be having an urgent conference with Generalissimo Francisco Franco.

Lonesome Lenny (big dumb dog from Tex Avery cartoon): I wisht I had a little junkie. I would pet him and love him and hug him and squeeze him! I useta have a little junkie… but he don’t move no more!

Drill Sergeant: All right, listen up! Everybody with a junkie friend, one step forward — NOT SO FAST, THERE, LU ANNE!

Dr. McCoy: He’s dead. …What? Dammit, Lu Anne! I’m a doctor, not a diplomat!

Dick and Jane:
See Alan.
See Alan bleed.
Bleed, Alan, Bleed.
Alan stops bleeding.
Is Alan better now?
Will he get up?
Will he paint again?
No, no, no.

Joe Friday: What’s that you say? Is Alan ‘flying’? Is he ‘way out’? Yeah. He’s way out, all right. He’s so way out, he’ll never come back. He’s taking the final trip. He’s dead.

Shakespeare: Good night, sweet junkie! Flights of bullets blast thee to thy rest.

Bizarro Superman: Alan am just fine! He ask about you.
Angry Kem
September 27th, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

#117 Mooncattie: It also helps if you realise that Trixie will never grow up. She is, in fact, trapped forever in a nightmare existence, and she is self-aware enough to know it. We usually can’t see it, but the long, dreary years are gradually consuming her soul. Soon, even the sunbeam that acts as her only solace will seem worthless to her, and she will join her parents and siblings in a personal landscape wracked by hideous despair.

Mmm…ice cream.
PunsKillPeople
September 27th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

Oh dear God, please please please please please let that dog eat Hagar…
bitter law student
September 27th, 2008 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

rex’s wife, who’s name i can’t quite bother to remember, is freaking me out. there’s something about her she-mullet and zubaz pants that leads me to believe she really would beat a man to death with a bottle.
Fra. Bunnë of the execrable order of the curmudgeonites.
September 27th, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

A3G – What this comic needs now is a good old fashioned deus ex machina. Two possibilities: a) It’s not Alan’s body! Maybe it’s Ray’s. b) LuAnn is still lying on the floor of her studio, asphyxiating and hallucinating. Option b allows for the undoing of all kinds of shenanigans!
commodorejohn
September 27th, 2008 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

Man, am I ever late to the party (amateur roofing is a bitch.) But hey, have I ever let that stop me before?

9CL – What we need right now is a McEldowney-McEldowney crossover. Bringing in a succubus to resolve a romantic conflict may be a little like demolishing a house with a nuclear bomb, but if it brings this agonizingly drawn-out plot to resolution, I say “screw the collateral damage!”

A3G – “Oh. Then who is in the hospital?”

BB – Maybe the reason Miss Buxley goes out with Beetle is that he’s so insanely passive that she can work out whatever urges or frustrations she has, however great or small, without him expecting anything more out of the deal. Today’s strip certainly seems to indicate it.

DT – Not only is TRAZE-R a giant robot, he’s a size-changing giant robot!

FW – Or maybe you could realize that everybody at a Westview high school reunion is going to be lucky if they’re even alive and mostly intact.

GA – Good God, just look at her rack in panel one. Why are you sitting out there, Rover? GOD DAMMIT WHY?

GT – You might think that panel three is an attempt at artsy montaging; nope, that’s just standard Milford warped-space effects. Expect an eldritch horror to crawl out of one of the angles in Trisha’s waist any moment now. I do like how Jeff has suddenly gone from “lanky athlete” to “Robert Wadlow,” though.

MT – Well, it’s good to know that the papers are keeping on top of the crazy happenings over in Viet Lan. Also, it seems that draining wetlands is their whole goal, but at least they’re less ridiculous about it than, say, the Captain Planet rogues’ gallery. Professionalism in villainy, that’s what we need more of.

MW – “Well, this calls for the big guns. We are going to install every program in this briefcase.”

PBS – Well, that’s far from the strangest fetish ever.

Pluggers – Pluggers are obsessive-compulsive.

RMMD – June, your pants are causing my visual centers to lock up.
boojum
September 27th, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

I’m thinking of changing my name to Accidental Puddles of Syrup.

Not here. In real life.
Carly
September 27th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

Alan isn’t in the hospital, LuAnn…he’s in the morgue.

I see June’s decided she better get in some subtle threads, which may very well be lost on Rex, since I seem to recall he’s kind of a moron.
mollificent
September 27th, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Thank you, Josh, for expressing so well the absurdity of today’s FC. As someone who sells guitar strings for a living, I found myself speechless and drooling slightly as my eyes crossed, trying to figure out exactly what the joke was. I still don’t know, but I feel a lot more intellectual about it. ;)
Ukulele Ike
September 27th, 2008 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

“Well, if the woman up there is Alan… who’s that woman buried out in Greenlawn Cemetery?”

– Sheriff Chambers
LTBF
September 28th, 2008 at 12:04 am [Reply]

My local paper carries only the Sunday Peanuts but I refuse to read it on the principle that the comics shouldn’t carry reruns. So I’ve decided not to read retro-Foob.

I’m probably the only one on here that doesn’t mind legacy strips, but at least give me new material.
sackobats :[
September 28th, 2008 at 12:17 am [Reply]

Sunday! Sunday!

FC: oh, it’s finally happened. Someone has wrestled FC away from the Keanes — how else to explain Billy and Dolly actually being useful in anything but a “cat help” way?

MW: well, I really wanted to believe that Terry and Toby’s meeting was completely professional and above-board, but somehow Toby’s matching slacks have become a pair of blue jeans! Was all of Terry’s talking a little too stimulating for you, Toby?

FW: considering that the Arizona Daily Star will axe all but the last three panels of the Sunday edition, the concept of a binge will be absolutely lost (unless one considers a partially-eaten peanut butter sandwich, some Fritos and a soda binge-worthy).
You need a better agent, Bautituitik, someone to go to bat for your artistic integri — oh, never mind.

PV: mmmmm, tentacly goodness!

Mutts: yesh.

RMMD: not really anything to snark, aside from COLOR GNOMES GONE WILD!
Gojira
September 28th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Sun. JP: Either Dixie has turned into the flattest exotic dancer ever or Barreto is getting squeamish about depicting side-boobiage. Face your fears, Ed, we’re with you.
Ptycho
September 28th, 2008 at 1:21 am [Reply]

Is Billy actually smart enough to comprehend String Theory? HAAAAH…okay you can punch me now. I deserve it.
Mariko
September 28th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

FC–I was tempted to say “These are not my beautiful strings!” However, I thought of what a great sin it would be to even jokingly compare someone as incredible as David Byrne to someone as terrible as Billy.
A New Day
September 28th, 2008 at 2:36 am [Reply]

Good God, the Mary Worth storyline took a turn for the mind-numbingly boring, didn’t it? I mean A3G actually just KILLED ALAN, which – let’s face it – almost makes him interesting. But over in Charterstone, it’s day after day of exposition and rambling and not even one lesbian tickle fight.
Baka Gaijin
September 28th, 2008 at 4:42 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Comics

L?o: Dude, you’re having a tea party for Beetle Bailey’s little sister, you know that, right? THE GIRL HAS NO EYES!

One Big Happy: Just read it. It’s full of win.

Luann: A great place for a lesbian tickle fight.

Zits: A great place for parental pimp slapping.

Zits, #2: How did Jeremy end up like this? His parents aren’t like Cathy’s. Cathy’s mother a manipulative passive aggressive bitch. The Zits mom is fairly normal, minus that flapping boobs episode.
Old School Allie Cat
September 28th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

Foob – I just love how Lynn takes every opportunity to make the men in her strip seem like neanderthal worthless sacks of shit.

I am so very done with her.

Funky – I think Funky is going to be adding OA to his resume of 12 Step Programs. It’s not what you’re eating, Funky – it’s what’s eating you.

MW If we have to spend another week listening to “Terry’s Very Special Story” – I’m going to be very annoyed. If Moy and Giella can wrap it up now, they have time to get Dr. Drew Cory home for Thanksgiving – which means that by Christmas, he can have Dawn Weston knocked up. Or Vera. Or hell, both.
Michael
September 28th, 2008 at 8:40 am [Reply]

FC: Right, Keane, you’ve got “important phone calls.” Anything to get out of raking leaves.

Dullard Fillmore: Huh? I say again, huh? Stick to liberal bashing, Tinsley. Paleontology and other aspects of science are not your forte.

A3G: Okay, Alan’s dead. Just for curiosity’s sake, where’s Ray? Is he still holding a gun and waiting for New York’s only dope dealer to get back from Bumfukistan?
True Fable
September 28th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

Sunday in the snark.

A3G Alan’s not here, he’s not in the gallery, he’s not in the hospital, he’s Dead. Pushing up daisies. No, Luann, he’s not in South Dakota with the wildflowers. Just…just go, y’know? Go to South Dakota and leave me the fuck alone.
9CL Well Brooke, for once your wordiness worked in your favor for the sake of the punchline, but for God’s sake don’t let that go to your head. Too late.
Canadian Zombie Lynn adopted this new style because she realized she can’t draw attractive people any longer for love nor money. As a result, she gives all the people beady eyes and makes the Pattersons only mildly more recognizable from the frog-faced, wet mop-coiffed ordinary citizenry of Milboring. And the main reason you can tell they are Pattersons, is if they get in the last word and other characters are laughing, assumingly With them, not At them.
FW You’re gonna carry that weight.
Scenes from Suburban Hell Lois is oh so unappreciated despite her pasted-on plastic smile, but she will get hers. After a dismal dinner of limp warmed-over Crinkle Cut fries and thin Salsbury Steak from boxes the kitchen knives will come out, and then the killing begins.
FC Very clever, Mr. Keane. Get them working and then “suddenly remember” those “important calls” you have to make inside. We trust you have already disposed of the empty bottle and rinsed out the glass and are innocently ignorant of the final score of the game.
JP I’ve been in Georgia over 20 years and I have never had a Dixie Julep quite like that. Dammit all to hell.
Least I Could Do Yes, it’s online only but this comic is just so FUN! How few of us are like Rayne, but how many of us would secretly like to be him for a few hours? (or days, months, or lifetimes?)
MT BIG shout-out to folks at NOAA today! Looks like Elrod lost some sort of bet! Plus, he thanks himself!
MW “I was once as stupid as you, Toby, but then I was able to overcome the deficiency. Can YOU?!?”
RMMW Ollie was supposed to be jealous of Rex? Why? “Damn that woman, she’s reduced to paying to be fondled by soft pampered gay quacks!” And I thought she needed a larger crew than just Rex. So is Jealous June going to be shanghaied into hoisting the mainsail? We already surmised Rex will be swabbing the poopdeck. Shhh, hush.
Steve Canyon What the HELL is going on with Happy in that last panel? Are his EYES rattling or is he wearing her pearls around his head for no apparent reason? Whatever it is, it’s plenty creepy.
commodorejohn
September 28th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

BS – “Why am I so relaxed?” I dunno, Brenda, but I’m hoping for a repeat of Judge Parker’s “Abbey And The Magic Brownies” storyline with that tea.

DT – “Can he handle white-collar crime?” I dunno, Dick, but I imagine he has a better chance of not, say, kicking a books-cooker into a smokestack.

FG – Flash Gordon takes on a werewolf in a rotorless helicopter.

HOTC – Heart’s Mom, please promise me you’ll inspire some musical taste in your daughter.

JP – Chiming in with #130 Gojira; come on, Baretto, you’re the one guy in the comics we can count on for breasts. And this strip is so long-standing that any cleavage protesters couldn’t possibly bring it down, anyway. Do it, man. You know you want to.

MT – “The sea’s molecular potential?”

PV – Hot archer chick, please…hot archer chick, please…

SFx – And then the man in the hat ran the deli worker’s hand through the meat slicer.

SM – “Miniature vise?” LEVERAGE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.
Meg
September 28th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

I like how in the last panel of Sunday’s Rex Morgan there’s no yellow box that says “MEANWHILE!” or “AT OLLIE TWEAKS RUNDOWN APPARTMENT!” which leads me to assume that old Ollie is asleep in the Morgan Manor.
And for the first time in a long time we see the ellusive period ending a sentance (And not just one but four!). Although the z’s of sleep aren’t really a sentance, Wilson and Nolan could have put “ZZZZZ!!!!”
thank you for not.
gleeb
September 28th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

re: “dating”: I always read a heart in text, meant to take the place of the word “love”, as “fuck”. It makes “I <3 My Weimaraner” bumper stickers more interesting.

Agnes: My laughter is augmented by the knowledge that an extra biweekly paycheck will be mine in October, and that I am looking forward to it.

Dick: Yeah, a tiny safe, easily carried away by a person of normal strength, after which he can take his time opening it. That’ll keep your old gas bills secure.

Bizarro: So, does this mean it would be all right to eat cats? Not that I get my moral bearings from the funny papers.

’shaft: So, is it contact with violent racism that caused Ed to hate all of humanity? Because that’s the message I’m getting here.

Curtis: That cereal you like so much. You know, the one with a picture of Jamaal Jamaal on the box.

Mary: Terry reveals the scar on her psyche. Yes, she was once a victim of ID theft. Thus, she fights a never-ending battle against the slackness that creates opportunities for these crimes.

Phantom: Ah, young thugs being turned into the next generation of child-soldiers for the Luaga regime.

Rex: In the last panel, Ollie’s glass refracts the heck out of light, yet the cubes in it are on the bottom. The glass isn’t empty, and they can’t be ice. I think they’re probably sugar cubes, which the drunken Tweaks added to a glass of straight absinthe, probably the last of a once-thriving smuggling operation he ran with Lenore Foster before they fell out.

Slylock: As the old gag works itself out, pay attention to Max. The cheese calls him with its siren song, and he feels the first temptation to crime. Will he stumble, or will he prove strong?

Ziggy: Ziggy’s going to <3 a stray cat.
brendancalling
September 28th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

not to be a pedantic little twat (as my coworker calls me) but guitar strings aren’t made of strings: they’re made of wire.
Muffaroo-who-whines
September 28th, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

As a 60s survivor, I prefer to perceive <3 as “luv,” but visually imagining a screw instead of a heart is fun. A club is also entertaining in many cases, and if it refers to a dog or cat, spade is useful.

When we lived in Virginia, I used to see bumper stickers where a heart replaced a letter in the slogan “Virginia is for lo_ers.” I was tempted to take a sharpie and write something in, but it was so hard to decide between “S” and “N”.
brightside
September 28th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

I predict Luann will quickly see an upside to Alan’s demise–the value of his art is going to skyrocket, now that he’s not around to make any more. He could be the next Basquiat.
Angry Kem
September 28th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

Drabble, I hate you. Be medieval.

reFoob: Well, it’s happening. I haven’t been as concerned as others with weaning myself off this stupid comic, as I’ve figured that continuing to read it in its watered-down state will eventually lull me into a state of indifference. The process is well underway. Today’s “Men Are Pigs…Haw Haw Haw” strip helped.

MW: Please let it be ending. Please. Even Breyers Brownie Mud Pie ice cream can’t sustain me against the horrible dragging nothingness of this idiotic storyline.
John C Fremont
September 28th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

# 134 Baka Gaijin – I usually skip over One Big Happy, but I read it today on your recommendation. That was the best laugh I’ve had today. Thanks!

Hey, I called dibs on the 137th spot last night! Man, if I’d just gotten up a few minutes sooner instead of listening to that story about Paul Newman and being all sad.

Foob – I’d give up on this zombie strip, but it’s fun to see which strips Lynn cherry-picks to make “John” look like a jerk.

MT – Okay, I’ll admit that the Ocean Explorer Theater sounds pretty cool (and also sounds like the name of a late night FM radio program from the late 60’s) but I just really can’t stop looking at that second panel. It’s not the presence of Thomas the Tank Engine suspended by a string that confounds me. It’s that thing off to the right. I think it’s supposed to be a big-headed fellow with a pink fishing hat hiding behind the yellow coral. But why is he hiding? I’ll bet he just shot a junkie art gallery curator in New York.

I swear I do not use drugs. I mean, dope.

MW – Giella just can’t get the hang of drawing ponytails, can he?

PBS – I just have to question whether or not the crocs would know what to do with the zeeba if they did catch him.

RMMD – From the size of the ice cubes in his empty glass, Slylock determines that Ollie hasn’t been asleep for very long. He also knows the glass is empty because ice cubes float.

Seriously. I do not use drugs. Okay, caffiene. The occasional glass of wine thrown in my face. Oxycontin.

JP – Okay, so the Times Union comics are a little annoying to plow through, but, gosh darn it, this is one of those days when that zoom feature really comes in handy!

DT – No, it is not “Mr. Brute Force.” It’s “Magnum Force,” “Brute” for short. Geez, Braces, have you no memory? Are you on drugs?

FYI, my above drug references forced me to look up the lyrics to Jaime Brockett’s “Legend of the USS Titanic.” The answer to my question is that it was 497 & a 1/2 feet of rope. (“I just carry it.”) Maybe that is what cost me the 137th spot.

# 140 gleeb – I didn’t see your Tweaks vs The Ice Cubes comment until I previewed my comments above (or “Saw it before I said it” as we used to say). Didn’t mean to, like, y’know, step on your turf, man. We cool?
Anonymous
September 28th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Steve Canyon – They’re still running Steve Canyon somewhere???? I thought that was defunct right after its heyday in the late 40’s???
Poteet
September 28th, 2008 at 11:43 am [Reply]

# 146 Anonymous — Yes, Steve Canyon is running. And SC lasted for a few decades, depending on how you define “lasted.” I was hooked on it in my childhood, and now I’m getting to read the strips that were published before my namesake appeared.

http://humorousmaximus.com/stevecanyon/
Poteet
September 28th, 2008 at 11:48 am [Reply]

# 137 Sir Fable MTK — I’m just as concerned about Miss Fancy as I am about Happy’s facial issues, being as how M.F.’s upper torso could easily snap off in a stiff wind. But I’m willing to cut SC all kinds of slack on account of of its venerable status, and it definitely knows how to move quickly. May people say the same of me as I continue to get older:-). And your FC comment is right on target.
Uncle Balustrade
September 28th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Billy looks a bit stoned…maybe like Jim Morrison trying to coach Robby Krieger on “guitarism” before walking onstage and falling down.
Anonymous
September 28th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

The 9/28/2008 Pardon My Planet (featuring a child telling a scary campfire story about how much his dad will have to pay for college) was ripped off from an episode of The Simpsons.
Niall
September 28th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

87. Angry Kem isn’t angry at me – as long as I supply her with chocolates when we meet. :)

MW: I had to admit this installment was pulse-pounding! First the elation of the narration box (“Yes! it’s over! We’re finished with this!”) followed by the tedium of the strip itself, but then… the horror of the final panel… (“NOOOO! Not a flashback!” *grabs hair in despair*)

Sly: …Mr Weber, you need to be hurt for this hoary old joke. Unless tomorrow is Cassandra Day. Or Carla, she’ll do too. Then all will be forgiven. (All is always forgiven with Cassandra. Except perhaps for Jamus…)
Calico
September 28th, 2008 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

#21 – Just as long as he doesn’t start singing like James Blunt. Country Joe covers would be ok, though.
Girl Reporter
September 28th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

FC: I figured the attempt at humor was that Billy is gleefully informing Dolly that guitar strings are cat gut, thus the horrified look on her face. But Keane got in the way of his own joke by making both occurrences of ’string’ plural.

I spent too much time on FC today.
Niall
September 28th, 2008 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

144. Angry Kem: and as long as you churn out Japes funny as these, I’ll give you a bagfull of chocolates when next we meet. :)
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
September 28th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Is this for real? Lynn Johnson says her husband had an affair and all her bank accounts were emptied after he left….why isn’t this sort of, like, front page news or 3rd page news…

http://dailycartoonist.com/index.php/2008/09/19/the-lynn-johnston-tells-all-interview/

Mind you, I found the last few years of the strip annoying, but never wanted her to deal with something like what’s reported…is it true?
Uncle Lumpy
September 28th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

#155 RWS –

Who knows? Two people got divorced, and only one of them’s talking to newspapers. The comments thread on that link suggests there’s backstory.
athena
September 28th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

Since Alan died off screen (or off page), how will we ever learn exactly what drug it was he was using/selling?
bees on pie
September 28th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Athena–it was dope. Duh!
Talking Squirrel
September 28th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

155: Robert Whitaker Sirignano says:
“Is this for real? Lynn Johnson says her husband had an affair and all her bank accounts were emptied after he left….Mind you, I found the last few years of the strip annoying, but never wanted her to deal with something like what’s reported.”

This apparent suggestion that perhaps he had an affair, etc. because her strip grew increasingly festooned with glurge is, may I confess, very soul-satisfying to me in a thoroughly disreputable way.

Although personally — being more of a Ted Forth when it comes to domestic dirty-dealing — I’d have confined it to breaking the points off all her pencils.
Poteet
September 28th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

# 144 Angry Kem — I’m already a blabbermouth on CC, so please take this “thanks so much for JAPES!!!!” comment and consider it repeated every day. There’s so much to look forward to, given the amount of ghastly material. Yay!

Unfortunately, the “John-is-a-dickhead” theme in Foob reruns is having the opposite effect on me. But I’ll try to keep quiet about it.
Anonymous
September 28th, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

MT looks kinda like he’s wearing a huge JACK ELROD button on his jacket
teddytoad
September 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

Josh’s word-replacement game could be carried on to other strips, as well, something like Jimmy Kimmel’s “Unnecessary Censorship” routine:

June Morgan: “If it were me, I’d have ****** him with a wine bottle!”

Trisha: “Mind if I borrow him for a minute? I won’t **** him much.”
Hat-guy: “Hey, do whatever’s necessary.”

Mr. Mustache: “I just learned that an outdoor writer is ****ing Pop Johnson… He might cause us some problems!”
Revsfan
September 28th, 2008 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Within two minutes, the Funkster will finish that sammy and eat those last two Fritos.
Sobek
September 28th, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

Dolly’s really thinking “Is Billy really too stupid to know what a ukelele is?”
Calico
September 28th, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

Next on 3G – Margo hands Luann a box weighing, say, 7 or 8 pounds.

Luann will complain, “Hey, this isn’t art!”
Dingo
September 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

D’oh! So Terry Bryson was hornswoggled online as well. I’ve been reading this ABC AfterSchool Special waiting for the killer moment (“And it was I who stole your information! Bwah-ha-ha!”) only to find it really is an ABC ASS. Hopes raised only to find another story arc of the blind leading the bland.
Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
September 28th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

#36, Mars: I think Lio is the best strip going. It rarely fails to make me smile. Popeye is also a hidden gem.
dreadedcandiru2
September 28th, 2008 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

#165 — Calico: But it is an Al. This anti-drug plotline may be insane but it ain’t as bad as this PSA from Hanna-Barbera.
sackobats :[
September 28th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

138. commodorejohn re JP: I’m hoping beyond hope (and you know it isn’t going to happen) that Sam and Heidi are going to continue this investigation at the club where Dixie dances, after Dixie begs and pleads to go to work, lest she be fired. That would be so cool (the club part, not the firing part).

140. gleeb re RMMD: it probably explains the name of Tweaks’ boat at least, “The Louche Lady.”
D. E. I.
September 28th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Dear Hank Ketcham:

You are my third-favorite dead cartoonist. I really love your Dennis the Menace daily cartoon. I am in awe of your talents; after all, you, as a deceased human being, can draw much better than a living denizen such as I. So, if I may, I would respectfully request that, for the love of God, please bring back Half Hitch!
Poteet
September 28th, 2008 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

Foob — WARNING: MONDAY SPOILER (har!) AHEAD. Theme — Unhappy bored children, unhappy bored parent, general despair. Characters: Mike, Lawrence, Lizzy, and Elly. My reaction: Actually, despair can be interesting. This is more like “walking family coma.”
Calico
September 28th, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

#168 – Here you go! Hahha! (a parody)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtARYQXbors
Calico
September 28th, 2008 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

For #168, again – that is hyper-ironic, considering that The Flintstones (A Hanna-Barbera Production) were sponsored by Winston Cigs in their early days. Yuk-ola:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8P6NKVZF4k
dreadedcandiru2
September 28th, 2008 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

#173 — I noticed in the first few seconds of the spot that the toker went through a sort of trippy rainbow spiral. i wonder if it’s the origin of one of their logos.
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 28th, 2008 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

9/28

MW: Incoming flashback that we don’t care about!

HtH: That’s some pretty rough foreplay. No, no, I don’t need to see what comes next.

RMMD: Perhaps my favorite final panel ever. June, when you say Ollie will be “hurting” tomorrow, do you mean “endlessly puking”?

BH: Gasoline Alley’s Sultan Pepper took a pass on Broom Hilda’s energy-saving car bomb. He did say that he’d “ask around” to see if anyone else was interested.

Phantom: Bangalla Boot Camp, where we toughen up the violent criminals of tomorrow.

SFx: And no cheating by trying to put a slab of prosciutto on the scale.

WofI: I guess it’s never really wrong to include a safe sex message. Somehow I don’t thing the issue comes up much for Sir Rodney, though.

Marvin: Proving that he truly hates drawing “Marvin”, Tom Armstrong makes a blatant play for the Mort Drucker movie parody job at Mad.
teenchy
September 28th, 2008 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

I guess it wouldn’t do to make a Jerusalem artichoke joke here now, would it?
teenchy
September 28th, 2008 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

# 168: So what’s the upshot: you do drugs, you end up as a Scooby-Doo villain?

“I’d be totally trippin’ if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!”
Orange Doorhinge
September 28th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

At a family dinner once, daughter (5) was asked to say grace. Oops. She never heard of grace. So she sang the Teletubby’s Song. Beat that FC!
Orange Doorhinge
September 28th, 2008 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

Dang, I tried to stop that last comment. Wrong Blog. Sorry!
Ukulele Ike
September 28th, 2008 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

SFx: If we don’t get a new Cassandra Cat adventure soon, Shylock’s goin’ on my “formerly read but only in order to snark” list, along with retro-FOOB and Gil “Too Damn Awful to Read Anymore” Thorpe.

You listening, Weber? I’m talkin’ to you!

And I want her dressed like a larcenous carhop!
WillieO
September 28th, 2008 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

“The strings aren’t really strings, Dolly! And the frets aren’t really……You know what? How about we forget these little mind games and I just smash this over your head, WCW-style?”
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 28th, 2008 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

You listening, Weber? I’m talkin’ to you! And I want her dressed like a larcenous carhop!
Word. Solidarity.
Ukulele Ike
September 28th, 2008 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Well, I’d settle for a larcenous cheerleader.
commodorejohn
September 28th, 2008 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

#169 sackobats :[ – Judge Parker should really be a comic book; then Wilson and Baretto could just do whatever the hell they wanted without worrying about syndicate editors (or at least get much closer to the mark.)
Hank
September 28th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

RE:Mary Worth. The worst part of this interminable “Mary Worth” plotline is that “GI Joe” could have told the same story in one of those thirty-second “And Knowing is Half the Battle” PSAs…and still had time for a couple of exploding COBRA jets.
dreadedcandiru2
September 29th, 2008 at 12:43 am [Reply]

#177 — teenchy: That does seem to be the point. It’s like a high-speed, tripped-out version of Reefer Madness.
sackobats :[
September 29th, 2008 at 1:03 am [Reply]

Some Monday briefs:

A3G: whoa. Okay, I guess that’s the end of that.

RMMD: mmm…rockin’ the tank top again, June. Can the bikini be far behind?
boojum
September 29th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

166 Dingo:

I thought this MW story arc was the bland leading the blonde. Now I’m confused.
boojum
September 29th, 2008 at 1:23 am [Reply]

Oooh. Monday funnies.

A3G: Blaze is back, and Margo’s got him! Uhm, wait a minute. Why is Blaze back?

Also, has the coroner revealed Alan’s face, or is Blaze identifying him from the tent in the sheet? Oh. Now I see why they needed Blaze for the ID.

Have to say I never believed it was gonna be Alan in the morgue. But if we’re gonna start killing characters, I’ve prepared a little list.

MW. Yay! Mary’s back! OH MY GOD, NO-O-O!! She wants a freakin’ recap!! I’m gonna go kick a box of kittens.
boojum
September 29th, 2008 at 1:25 am [Reply]

Little. Tiny. Helpless. Kittens.
Poteet
September 29th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

MW — Noooooo, don’t tell her, Toby! Please! We’ve all suffered enough!

MT — Finally this weird location looks appropriately grassy. But is it Pop’s land? Evil Moustache Guy’s land? And wouldn’t it be great if a goose pooed on Mark? I recently got pooed on by a bird for the first time, but at least I was wearing a hat.

A3G — Margo is such a refreshing change from those crime procedural shows. I’d love to see her reaction to an old-style gas station toilet.
maryc
September 29th, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

Apt3G: Wait. What? So Alan is REALLY dead?

Wow. Having Alan die might be the very last and only bit of exciting thing we will EVER hear about in Apt. 3G!

That is…..unless……

Alan rises again to become a horrifying flesh eating Zomibe!!!!

Ah, who the hell am I kidding? Even if he did become a flesh eating zombie, his storyline would still be all “I’m out of human flesh? I need more, but where do I get it?” for about 5-7 days.

I say, let him rise up and eat Margo and Blaze now!!! NOW, I say!
Mibbitmaker
September 29th, 2008 at 2:27 am [Reply]

Mournday:

A3G: It really IS too late! He really IS dead! I can finally retire the “X-Police” joke. Apologies to Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, etc.

BBlues: The Edith-Anns start early these days, don’t they? And that’s the truth…

BBailey: “…if Uncle Lumpy has anything to say about it!”

Cleats: …with lipstick, yeah, I know the drill. Which one’ll start the “lipstick on a pig” deal…?

DtM: Menacing, I see. To really ratchet up the menacing points, Dennis should start by saying, “Here, Mr. Wilson, let me bang that ding back into shape like a mechanic with this bat…”

DT: “Magnum Force?… Dirty Harry? … What part of that don’t you understand?!?…”

FW: Old people, then looking like back in high school? I wish we could have something like that for us readers.

GF: It’ll be like a Rush Limbaugh – Michael Moore debate, only more obnoxious all around. With Toby Cameron moderating.

GT: The comic characters try snarking each other in place of us doing it. Nice try, but no dice, Thorpians!
sackobats :[
September 29th, 2008 at 2:49 am [Reply]

191. Poteet: let’s just get this over with in one fell swoop.
Come to think of it, it was a pretty crappy summer in Santa Royale…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2898232382/
(sorry, you’ll have to size up)
Mibbitmaker
September 29th, 2008 at 2:58 am [Reply]

More 9/29:

MF: Looks like Tinz stretched his Silly Putty too far before applying his Jesse Jackson caricature to today’s strip. Either that, or he gave Jackson Rev. Wright’s forehead in some mash-up attempt.

MT: Speaking of odd drawing attempts, a geese’s wing is talking in today’s panorama.

MW: Don’t push it, ya old bag…!!

NS: I sense a Wall St. allegory coming! Might not be too bad this time…

Ghost-Who’s-Probably-The-One-Responsible-For-The-Bad-Intel-On-Iraq: …Oh, no! Not again, pal…!

Popeye: Swee’Pea… remember what Rat from PBS said about earworms…

R&R: Jan will be pleased!

Ziggy: Ziggy: “I think you made a mistake, birdy: that credit card says, ‘Toby Cameron’…” (…Too obvious…?)

ZtP: Only if you jump, Zip’.

Zits: There, now you’ve done it, Jeremy! You made your mom regress back to childhood, when kids say “why?” all the time! I hope you’re happy, young man!
True Fable
September 29th, 2008 at 3:27 am [Reply]

A3G Does this mean what I think it means: Luann will be visited by Alan’s ghost, who will cajole her into painting bleak cityscapes featuring dope-pedaling guys who look like Yul Brennar? Bet South Dakota won’t claim that. Greater Metro Roopville might though, just for grins.
Cathy Must Die! I want a tent made of Blackwatch Plaid like what Cathy’s wearing to use as a car cover!
DtM Damn, that is one nasty lookin’ glare from Mr. Wilson. That might be the ONLY undamaged ball Dennis has by the time the dust settles.
FC Damn it to HELL, don’t these fucking kids even know what TEARS are!??
Anonymoose
September 29th, 2008 at 3:54 am [Reply]

Today, it was revealed in Family Circus that the Keane family is a horrifying project to create machines and convince them they are human. This explains, at least, why they never age. But we see today that the project is doomed to failure because the machines can never understand human emotion, no matter how many adorable, precious-moments phrases you manually insert into their databanks.
True Fable
September 29th, 2008 at 3:54 am [Reply]

FW Good, maybe we’ll see characters we recognize at the upcoming reunion!
GA Sweet Jesus; you spent $4000.00 on WHAT?! Your town’s Wal-Mart doesn’t even carry that much merchandise!
WTFGT Uh…because you’re ugly and scary and your arm is bursting out of your chest?
Scenes from Suburban Hell Aw, have a heart, Lois. Remember this is Hi you’re dealing with: give him some more clues.
JP Sam’s unblinking eye for truth finally notices she’s showing some skin, but typically enough he wastes it on noting only that it is pale. Damn it, Sam! Wear your chromosome proudly! Offer to apply some tan-in-a-can!
Luann Why are they still wasting time with this proven cheat? I mean honestly, it makes firefighters look bad. And why should they bid on spots? Save the firefighters some money and just appoint an impartial panel and let them pick the best candidates. Oh, that wouldn’t be funny? Correction: That wouldn’t be funny, either.
Marvin Kid, you are still sucking your thumb, so shut the fuck up about reasonable questions.
MW Mary goes to heroic lengths to weasel Toby’s personal information out of her. Again.
PBS Pastis, you are a sly, wicked little man. XD!
Phantom Well for heaven’s sake, my good Phantom, you haven’t the good grace to die when you ought; what’s an evil mastermind to do?!
RMMW Okay, that is NOT June Morgan in the first panel. Where’s the frontal artillery? What’s with the badly drawn frog-face, did Lynn Johnston draw this? Dammit, Greater Metro Roopville wants its pinup girl June, and we want her NOW!!
RiR well just… damn, you two! Get a fuckin’ room.
S4th You really ARE new at this, aren’t you, Ted?
SFx Cassandra’s squeeze is running around on her! Not only that, but Miss Fox looks pretty bored too. Maybe Cassandra knows something that Sly doesn’t know. Or want to acknowledge.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
September 29th, 2008 at 6:17 am [Reply]

MW: there is an old story about a Southern Preacher who explains how with his sermons he attracts overflow crowds to his country church every Sunday morning: “F’ust I tell’s ‘em what I is goin’ to tell ‘em. Then I tells ‘em. Then I tell’s ‘em what I just’ tole ‘em.”

This is the Mary Worth Plot String Exposition Method, except that in MW it takes three weeks instead of sixty minutes.
gleeb
September 29th, 2008 at 6:34 am [Reply]

145 Let a thousand cubes bloom.

9CL: Later in Brussels, the judge said, “They play as if they are at odds; they’d be better if they’d just give in and screw. Americans!”

Archie: So, it’s not that he snores, it’s that he snores badly.

Cathy: Well, that frugal crap didn’t last long, did it?

Dick: Simple. He gets himself killed by Tracy, and then those jerks over at Genesis feel really bad about it.

Edge City: For a moment, her eyes drop, as she sees her son becoming the same self-important jerk she and her husband are.

‘bean: Of course what clicked was the pistol that Insane Henry had neglected to load.

H&J: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. A woman? That sounds a bit too specific, breeder.”

Pluggers’: …time is worth less than 3 bucks an hour. God, how the people who make this despise the working poor.

Slylock: Max desperately tries to distract the fox from the evidence burning in the fireplace. Will it work? Will he be able to destroy the evidence of his guilt? O cheese, why do you have to be so tempting?
John C Fremont
September 29th, 2008 at 6:53 am [Reply]

Well, it’s official. Alan is dead. Let’s see, should I sit at my computer all day like I did when Aldo died, waiting for Angry Black Woman and Jonnya to reduce me to tears with another couple of heart-wrenching videos? Or should I brush my teeth and go to work? Let me think for a moment. Mmm. Minty Colgate. I’m out of here.

But first, I’ve just got to say something about The Phantom’s “Python”. (I can’t believe I just said that, by the way.) (Tee-hee!) Seriously, the guy is just plain nuts. His plan involved fruit bat blood. I’ll bet there’s half a dozen hats in his tent, all lined with tin-foil. And what’s with the constant sweating? Yeesh!

Well, pretty sure the thread’s about to end, and my comments will be no more than dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the – Hey, has anybody heard from Kansas lately? Hmm. Maybe they’re all dead, too. A guy can always hope, anyway.
Mordock999
September 29th, 2008 at 7:45 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – Sept. 29th. 2008

TJ.

Argh, TJ!

Murder, Death, Kill.

Murder, Death, Kill!

MURDER, DEATH, KILL!!!!

ARGGGGGGGGGH!!!!

Ah, er, um, (sigh)…,

Ahem.

Thank you for your time.

___________________________

You Know What to TJ!!
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
September 29th, 2008 at 7:46 am [Reply]

Stephen Pastis must die.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 29th, 2008 at 7:49 am [Reply]

That’s not the first time Blaze choked a bit over Alan.
Mooncattie
September 29th, 2008 at 7:50 am [Reply]

sackobats:[ – Can it be true?! Is that Count Morgu making a crossover appearance in A3G?? Well done, sir! Meanwhile, Margo spots a stack of old wrestling mats in the corner and knows it’s time to skedaddle.

H&L – I clicked on, wondering will it be depressing this morning? It was! All is right in the world again.

PBS – A big shout-out to our very own Mountain Mama! Are you there? How’s the weather in the valley?
Ham Gravy
September 29th, 2008 at 8:11 am [Reply]

GA: What did Hoogy buy for $4K? It had better be a nice shiny brass stripper pole.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 29th, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

9DQ: I know the idea is that she has a willowy body, but the effect is that she has a gigantic melon head. Maybe it’s oversized because it’s actually a fiberglass full-head mask.

9CL: “C’mon, Blaze, let’s get out of here!” It’s been a long time since Margo’s had a man on her arm, and she’s ready to hit the town!

(WT)DT: Geez, I dunno, have him smash up their factories and kill their Board of Directors? I swear, no imagination in thugs these days. That’s what you get for hiring your henchmen because you like their cute That Girl-style flip hairdos.

Edge City: The Ardins are supposed to be a Jewish family. Shouldn’t they be doing a Rosh Hashanah strip today?

FC: It seemed to happen every year around the same time. As the days got shorter, so did Grandma’s temper and her tolerance for “cute.” Then one morning, she would snap. There was no telling what would set her off — it might be a political commercial on TV, one of those brats leaving the toilet seat up, or simply running out of orange juice. This year, Jeffy just refused to accept that she didn’t want to play football. Thel and Bil knew it was happening when the suitcases would come out of the closet. Heedless of their pleas, Grandma would make a perfunctory act of throwing whatever was in reach — clean clothes or dirty, sometimes not even hers, once including her pillow — into the suitcases, and haul them, half-empty, to the car. Only half-comprehending what was going on, the children could only watch from the window and cry. Usually, she would drive away, claiming to be “going home,” despite the fact that she sold the house on Cooper Street when Grandpa died 12 years ago. The police would usually find her before nightfall; sometimes at a motel, sometimes parked at a Fry’s, once outside the cemetery, weeping. Once, Bil managed to get the keys away from Grandma, leaving her to sit in the car, unsleeping yet not fully aware, until dew formed on the roof. Eventually, though, she would return, making quite the show of carrying the bags back to her room in stony silence. After about a week of sulking, Grandma would get her prescription refilled, and all was as it had always been. Just in time for Thanksgiving.

H&J: Where does Angry White Dude, whose role in the strip is usually to say something generically unenlightened to nobody in particular, get off telling Jamaal to be more dominant in his relationship? Everyone knows he’s the pitcher already.

JP: We’re introducing another character, Dewey Cheatham’s flunky, and his last name’s… Duggan?! His name’s not “Howe”? I’ve lost all respect for this strip.

Shoe: <voice="Morbo"> CARPENTER ANTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! </voice>

6C: Considering that she’s about to have her spine severed by an arrow through the back of the throat, an injury that will be instantly fatal only if she’s very lucky, the chocolate will be little, if any, consolation.
Hogenmogen
September 29th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

I love Margo’s empathy. “Let’s get out of here, Blaze.” And get fucking drunk off our asses someplace classy, then have fast and furious sex in a bathroom stall.

Actually, I’m going to miss Alan and his continuous awkward grousing about not having enough dope.
Hogenmogen
September 29th, 2008 at 8:36 am [Reply]

198 – True Fable re: Sally Forth
“S4th You really ARE new at this, aren’t you, Ted?”

No, I’d have done the same. I’d have the advantage of being up front about it from the get go – and so long as it stayed innocent, I’d work my wife’s jealousy bone, which, like Sally’s, needs a good workout every once in a while.
Islamorada Girl
September 29th, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

Good night, Junkie Alan
May flights of freshly pressed white dress shirts speed thee
To thy rest
Pastor Z
September 29th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

Rex has finally found the “edge” to help him win the race: the jet propulsion power of “Wheat Bombs.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 29th, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

9/29

A3G: Bummer. But at least Andy there can vouch that Alan’s personal effects are MRSA free.

9CL: I have this strange feeling that Amos and Edda’s musical performance is functioning as a metaphor for something else. But what? Aah, probably my imagination anyway.

DtM: Bet Mr. Wilson wished he hadn’t bought a car with a porcelain body.

SFx: That is so far out, Max. Whoa, I think the hash is kicking in.

OBH: It’s called realpolitik, and Grandpa apparently approves.

Ziggy: Ziggy needs a tutorial from Terry Bryson. I’m guessing that she’ll recommend he roast the bird.

6C: Finally, a Black Scorpion comic strip. The world is catching up to Roger Corman.

FW: “Then I looked on the front and saw that we were in a reprint collection from the eighties. Yeah, it was weird.”

H&J: Our heroes can talk smack about the customers right in front of them. It’s service with a snub.

Phantom: BIOTERRIZM–UR DOIN IT WRONG
liberty cash
September 29th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

yesterday’s FC-

For some reason I thougt that ” make important phone calls” was a polite father’s code for “take a dump.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 29th, 2008 at 9:45 am [Reply]

#206 Ham Gravy,

I don’t know, but the amount she’s spent has doubled since Saturday, even though her hot ass has just been standing there. Hoogy apparently has the mutant power of telepathic shopping.
jacobus
September 29th, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

Most authors will tell you that effective storytelling requires you to “show, don’t tell.” The creators of Mary Worth…choose a different tactic.
Angry Kem
September 29th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

You belong in the Middle Ages, Marmaduke.

9CL: If I flung myself about like that while playing the piano, I would wrench my neck and end up pounding out a random selection of extremely passionate but also extremely wrong notes.

A3G: But I wanted to see the body!

FC: Run away, Grandma. Run away and don’t look back. You want much more than this provincial liiiiiiiiiiiiife…
O\'Really
September 29th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

There once was an addict named Alan
Who needed drugs without any plan.
He wandered the streets
and wound up ‘neath a sheet.
Now who’s going to ’splain it to LuAnn?
Little Guy
September 29th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

GA: From $2000 to $4000 in 3 FOOB-times panels? Hoogy must have invested in Freddie Mac.
Muffaroo-who-brunches
September 29th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

formerly Ben @214 – Hoogy shops at Enormoushop.com, now that they offer shopping onpartyline.

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