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Spider-Man presents: My Dinner With Jonah

Spider-Man, 10/14/08

I’m one of those people who don’t have cable. I don’t think this makes me morally superior or anything; I’m just cheap, and have an irregular schedule, and a NetFlix subscription. But if it were possible to buy cable channels individually instead of as one big SuperMegaSaverPackage Of Stuff You’ll Never Watch, Turner Classic Movies would definitely be on my list. I love old movies, and I love knowing that there’s a whole channel out there dedicated to showing them. That’s why it makes me a little sad to see that the TCM folks have had to resort to paying third-rate superhero comic strips for product placement, though not half as a sad as their marketing people probably were when they got the strip they’d paid for and saw Maria doing … whatever the hell she’s doing in the first panel.

Herb and Jamaal, 10/14/08

Dear Herb and Jamaal,

To the extent that I can be said to enjoy your strip, I enjoy it for the gentle, good-natured everyday humor that arises from the situations in which your generally cheerful characters find themselves. Please do not have said characters develop a panic about their mortality so overwhelming that even the thought of sleep terrifies them.

Thanks in advance,
The Comics Curmudgeon

P.S. If the aforementioned characters deal with this psychological affliction with a downward spiral of drugs and/or alcohol, I may let it slide.

Marmaduke, 10/14/08

Ha ha, Marmaduke’s owners have lived with him for so long that they no longer have any idea what “innocent” looks like. For the record, that’s less “innocent” and more “feeding frenzy.”

286 responses to “Spider-Man presents: My Dinner With Jonah

  1. gnome de blog
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    As Islamorada Girl pointed out yesterday, Maria is working it like a claw. Just call her Randy.

  2. Aesop
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Jamaal better not start doing “dope.” Eventually, his curtains will become tattered, he’ll become a crappy artists, and eventually he’ll get shot by a bald-headed junkie who “hurts so bad.”

  3. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    “Death’s second self, that seals up all in rest.”

    –Shakespeare, Sonnet 73

  4. BMRR
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    #3 – Skullturf Q Beavispants: along a similiar vein could this H&J be their version of Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1? From what most people here say about H&J it’s possible.

  5. spike
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    H&J: This is a rip-off or hommage of an old “Bloom County” episode in which Oliver Wendell Jones mused, while falling asleep, that sleep was “little slices of death”.

    FW: Everyone is still a suspect until Inspector Les figures it out.

    MW: Mary’s TV suddenly has color! She must truly be a “wonder woman” to pull that one off. [Ducking...]

  6. Annon
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    I always imagine Jamaal sounds like ‘Cleveland’ from Family Guy.

  7. librarydude
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    So after way too many weeks of Mary Worth warning us over the danger of identity theft, she shall now spend way too many weeks warning us of the danger of father–daughter incest relationships. Especially when the father is your “coach” helping you to raise your “competitive game”.

  8. I have no clever name to put here
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Josh, come on, would you be so worked up about that existential fear of sleep if it had shown up in a Peanuts strip?

  9. SonnyDrysdale
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    No wonder Maria looks horrified in panel one. She just bit into a hunk of squid, and it squirted ink down her chin and neck. How rude!

  10. AsleepOrDead
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Herb & Jamaal, for being the icing on the proverbial depression cake. Now, where are my My Chemical Romance CDs?

  11. luftmatratze
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Man, Marmaduke is rerunning!

    God, it’s depressing that I picked up on that.

  12. PeteMoss
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    …saw Maria doing … whatever the hell she’s doing in the first panel.

    Josh, I believe the Romulan term for this is B’a N’jang. If she sticks with tradition, we may soon see the Pur A’jin ceremony, usually performed at a por’celai’N alter.

  13. SF_Reader
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    SM: TCM is the only channel I watch. I sincerely doubt that they would pay for product placement anywhere. Since they don’t have commercials, they’re not concerned with ratings and they don’t have to appeal to the lowest common denominator. They can just show great movies.
    However, I will admit that Jonah Jameson looks an awful lot like Ted Turner. Maybe that’s the reason for the TCM shout out.

  14. Wm Tanksley
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Cheer up; Jamaal isn’t afraid of sleep or death. He’s obviously afraid of installment plans.


  15. Patrick
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Jamaal loves it when he goes to bed to sleep. He also loves to go to the table to eat, and loves to go to the chair to sit.

  16. odinthor
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    #2. Aesop.

    Jamaal better not start doing “dope.” Eventually, his curtains will become tattered, he’ll become a crappy artists, and eventually he’ll get shot by a bald-headed junkie who “hurts so bad.”

    I do, however, want to witness Jamaal shrieking “Herb’s a liar an’ I hate him!“. After all, if we can’t get gritty verité in comic strips, then what’s the world all about?

  17. Canaduck
    October 14th, 2008 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    When I lived in the US, I always watched AMC, which is basically the poor-man’s-TCM but still sometimes aired really good stuff. By the time I left a few years ago, it had spiraled into showing a lot of garbage from the 80′s. I wonder whether it’s still the same way…?

    On an unrelated note, I hate that fucking pursed-lip thing that either Herb or Jamaal does at the end of almost every single strip!

  18. AeroSquid
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Luanne -

    Luanne: “Eeep !”

    Gunther: “A little tight in the crotchal measurement zone ?

  19. Lisa
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    (When I lived in the US, I always watched AMC, which is basically the poor-man’s-TCM but still sometimes aired really good stuff. By the time I left a few years ago, it had spiraled into showing a lot of garbage from the 80’s. I wonder whether it’s still the same way…?)

    Canaduck, yeah, it’s really bad now… they even have commercials, which defeats the whole reason for its existence. TCM shoved them out of the market, because they had all of the good movies that Turner bought the rights to. Too bad, really.

  20. SF_Reader
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    #19 Lisa
    I watched AMC a lot before TMC was born. AMC did not have a great playlist. Often when they got the rights to a good movie like Auntie Mame, they would show it over and over and over. I remember having the flu and seeing that movie 8 times in 4 days. Still it was better than watching the other channels.

  21. Beatrice
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Maria appears not to be eating but rather to be pulling, with a dinner fork, an alien parasite from her esophageal tract. I’m surely mistaken, because that would be exciting, and this is Spiderman..

  22. Mac
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    What gets me (because I am a geek) is that TCM is part of Time Warner and thus a corporate sibling of Marvel’s biggest rival, DC. I guess there’s no Superman or Batman strip, though.

  23. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Someone on Lynn’s staff was on Wikipedia hitting Ctrl-X until someone female and (at least arguably) attractive turned up. It’s the only explanation for the sheer randomness of that “decision”. (I personally got bored trying to duplicate the experiment and stopped on the Flatfish page, and I happen think that “…she looks like a flatfish!’ would be a better punchline than Shania Twain. Far better.)

  24. Violet
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    I am just plain icked out by the direction Luann has been taking over the last couple of weeks. It appears to be morphing into what essentially amounts to the softest-core porn ever. It’s like porn for children in the fifties.

  25. Carly
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    What the hell IS Maria doing? I always assumed TV personalities ate…more gracefully. At least while out in public. I’m starting to wonder if she maybe has a parasite so she has to eat and eat and eat but always feels hungry.

  26. Joe Blevins
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Stilted dinner conversation? Incredibly awkward poses? Good lord… Spider-Man has become Mary Worth! And that’s actually a step up!

  27. Lorna Doonsbury
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    The stillness of the crisp, newly fallen snow is broken by the lone figure plodding through the whiteness. The lone figure stops then pulls out an electronic megaphone from a backpack. The megaphone is brought to the lips and the words “TAX BAT!” is magnified throughout the timber-land. As the lone figure dons skis and silently travels down the mountainside, chuckling is heard. The echoing words start to fade and multiple hibernating forest creatures are roused from their slumber to poke their heads out of their comfortable, warm burrows. It will take several hours before the creatures can return to their former state of blissful slumber while cursing the intruder as they try to fall back to sleep.

  28. commodorejohn
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    #61 Artist Formerly Known As Ben (yesterthread) re: GA – “The only question remaining is which ancient national stereotype he’ll be.
    Art collector? He’ll be French, no doubt about it. He’ll be more stereotypically French than any fictional Frenchman you care to name, with a transliterated accent twice as thick as Inspector Clouseau’s.

    #16 odinthor – Don’t you mean “Jamaal’s a type of entity strongly associated with untruths and I harbor negative emotions toward him?”

  29. Pccmdoc
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Because going to bed for sex would be death, cash up front.

  30. Miss Holly
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    #23 One-Eyed Wolfdog:
    One of my college professors had a “thing” for Shania Twain. He brought it up at every possible opportunity, which was far more frequently than one might think.

  31. DUNOTS
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    “When I go to bed to go to sleep” might be the single most generic and redundant phrase I’ve ever read. Does he subsequently wake up to get up so that he can go to his job to go to work?

  32. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    A future strip has Herb, alone, with a stiff glass of generic liquor in one hand, gazing vaguely into the distance and thinking (over the course of three panels) “Jamaal died today… Or maybe yesterday… I can’t be sure.”

    Then in the fourth panel his mother-in-law turns up and says something cruel but wacky.

  33. Chance
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    The sad thing about Herb and Jamaal (other than it’s Herb and Jamaal) is that the “joke” (sleep is like dying on the installment plan”) could easily be inserted into a couple of panels featuring that cackling preacher guy, with Herb sleeping in church or something. That at least would make it a sort of friendly nudge toward the philosophical instead of the sheer suicidal despair vibe the writer decided to go for.

  34. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    (Huh. Everybody has “things”, I guess. I kind of have a “thing” for Colleen from Road Rovers, but I hardly feel any urge to bring that up for discussion during, e.g., my abstract algebra class.)

  35. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    (And if the internets have taught me anything, it is that someone, somewhere, has a “thing” for flatfish, and has started a forum about it, with pictures, and they’re planning a meetup for later this year.)

  36. kkarenb
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    #23 and others who have questioned why Shania Twain – there may be a dark psychological reason for this particular celebrity. Fans of gossip mags will remember a few years ago that Ms Twain’s marriage collapsed when her husband suddenly left her for someone else. This coordinates with the agenda, I think.

    Pearls Before Swine – I hate to quibble about a strip that made me laugh out loud, but the pig is holding his knitting needles upside down.

  37. Erik
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I find Jonah’s mad finger-pointing skills in panel two even scarier than Maria’s crazy food guzzling.

  38. DaveyK
    October 14th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Someone earned a salary this week by reading Herb and Jamaal before publication and then inserting the words “to sleep” into the first panel to insure nothing indecent could be construed out of it.

    That person probably got a loan to buy a $500,000 house. The risk on that loan was repackaged into credit default swaps multiple times and sold to multiple different financial institutions.

    In case you are wondering, that is how I will explain the current economic crisis to anyone who asks from now on.

  39. Henning Makholm
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Love going to bed to sleep? It certainly beats sitting down to sleep or lying on the hard cold floor to sleep. On the other hand, among things one might go to bed to do, sleeping is definitely an also-ran.

    I do love to stay in bed and go back to sleep, though.

  40. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    “I’m worried. This is clearly the front door but where’s the rest of the @#*! house?”

  41. PeteMoss
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    Joe Bevins @26 goes for another win! Ha-ha!

  42. Norm
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    In today’s Family Circus, Jeffy plays a dismembered torso affixed to the edge of a table who vomits silverware.

  43. Brick Bradford
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    Maria eating is one of the most frightening things I’ve ever seen–I think she’s going to start on Jonah in a minute–and not in a good way.

    Miss Holly–your post reminded of a time when Patrick Stewart was on the Tonight Show and one of the other guests was Reba McIntyre. The Captain dwelt on his attraction to her so much that it got just a tad creepy.

  44. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    To be fair, suburban hilter is probably in shock. I mean, look at the way his right arm is broken.

  45. Tabby
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Cable tv was one of the first casualties of my single parent status years & years ago. Cutting it off was one of the (sadly few) smart things I’ve done – it’s amazing how much time it really does suck out of your life. But we did miss what we called the “flu channel”. AMC was the best thing ever for days when you felt bad. Sorry to hear it went all pear-shaped.

    I am trying very hard not to think of sleep tonight. It does not help that the moon is full.

  46. Deschanel
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    I must say, Turner Classic Movies is the best channel on TV, and I hugely doubt they pay a cent for product placement anywhere. Ted Turner bought the rights to a trillion great old films in the 80′s, and TCM shows them with reverence and dare I say love. If you like old classic movies, or not-so-classic old movies, TCM is just wonderful.

    I’m not quite 40, but have a huge nostalgia bug, and frankly, contemporary TV is pretty meh. TCM is damn good stuff.

  47. commodorejohn
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    #43 Brick Bradford – I dunno, I think it’s kind of surreally adorable. I like to think that between panels one and two she unhinged her jaw and swallowed that whole.

  48. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    H&J needs to be explicit about sleep, so that we don’t confuse the discussion with “the little death.” And especially because of the silhouette in panel 3, which appears to be a giant dildo on a tiny stick, inexplicably emerging from a pajama shirt. Seriously, is that supposed to be his head and neck? I’m not buying it.

  49. Poteet
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    Maria still seems to be channeling Cruella de Vil in the first panel and a ‘meh’ version of Audrey Hepburn in the third. Nevertheless, she’s the most interesting thing I’ve seen in SPIDERMAN since The Vulture, given that I only see the arachnid dude when he’s featured here.

  50. Red Greenback
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    SMAN: Is Maria eating or performing crustatio? Anyhow, it’s a good look.
    MDUKE: Is Marm wearing wacky novelty glasses? Anyhow, it’s a good look.
    2FELLOWS: Is the taller fellow’s eye that is not on the right looking at the other one that’s not on the left while he thinks things to himself? Anyhow, it’s a look that suits the situation at hand in a pleasantly nice way.

  51. Poteet
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    # 49 — Sorry, that shoulda been Spider-Man. And what elegant tapered fingers Maria has. Who cares if her table manners are a bit odd?

  52. Seismic-2
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    I gather that FOOB has deleted a reference to Cheryl Ladd? Maybe she can show up in A3G instead. She’s a blonde, and she’s from South Dakota. Actually, maybe she and all the girls in A3G could get together and form a bubble-gum rock band called Margo and the Pussycats.

    As for product placement, I think it makes perfect sense for a 24-hour movie channel to advertise in a comic strip that is mainly about watching television.

  53. kodijack
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    We don’t have cable either. The kids are mildy pissed but we get videos from the library and they are good. My wife and I watch full season shows and that is a lot more fun. We watched six years of Six Feet Under in two months. We were able to follow the stories better, make quick comparisons to each other characters, and stay entertained. We are watching The Shield now, sans commercials.

  54. Poteet
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Jamaal, you need a few minutes of light bedtime reading to calm your existential fears. Try a CALVIN AND HOBBES collection.

  55. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    #24 – Re: Luann

    Seriously. The last plotline ended when Brad, so stunned to see a woman in a sports bra and long pants, was reduced to a quivering pile of jello, unable to take his thumb off of the camera button. After all the setup for this “Firehouse Calendar” storyline, Brad ends up paying $2000 for the right to take a picture of him with Mary Sue, both of them overdressed for a trip to the beach.

    Now we have Gunther, who is letting the prospect of taking Luann’s measurements reduce him to a quivering pile of jello. And the storyline will end with him sewing her a costume and masturbating in the back room while she tries it on.

    The comic has reached FOOBian heights, where you really wonder if the author is aware of how much they are revealing about themselves, or of the difference between how they intend to portray the character and the subtext that they end up creating.

  56. Old Doc Yak
    October 14th, 2008 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom: you know, the Phantom sort of specializes in being a dick, but for once, I don’t blame him for the winkerbean smirk. All of his ancestors have died violently; he expects to die violently; so having ebola can’t be all that much of a shock, right? At least he knows he’s fucked with this badguy’s head sufficiently that the asshat doesn’t even know for sure whether the Phantom is even human.

  57. crossbuck
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    AMC actually did show good movies, but that was waaay back in the late ’80s/early ’90s. Without commercial interruption, either. I got a few rarities that way. They morphed into the crappiest “movie channel” that ever existed, even having commercial interruptions. TCM is very good, but the problem is their apparently desperate attempt to entice boomers to watch it by running a lot of ’60s movies lately. To atone for that, they’ve been running a lot of older Columbia films, which means they have a deal with Sony now. It makes a break from their always running Warner/MGM/RKO films. They have competition in the premium-channel space with the recent Fox Movie Channel, which has the Fox library. The only library which doesn’t show often is the Universal library, which has Universal and pre-1950 Paramount sound films. Universal lets these out only occasionally to TCM, and very few.

  58. Johnny Culver
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Slow down, Maria! That lobster isn’t going anywhere.

  59. Rusty
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Maria will drink your milkshake.

  60. The Insectoid who Shan't be Microwaved
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    “Ha-ha! Jughead uses rather too many adverbs and his speech sounds sort of stilted!”

    Dck Trcy:
    Somthing evil this wy coms.

    Famly Circs:
    There’s no floor in that featureless void Jeffy lives in. He’ll never see that spoon again.

    Rx Morgn, .D:
    “What happened to the pupils in your eyes in panel 3?” “For a deckhand, you sure ask a lot of personal questions! Gloryosky!”

    Saf Havns:
    He’s a Scot?

  61. farnsworth
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Going to bed for sleep is pretty awesome.

    But it ain’t got nothin’ on going to bed for sex.

    Poor Jamaal.

    Just sayin’.

  62. Mel
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Maria, I believe they call that lobster maneuver the “Daryl Hannah.”

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    If you think about it, it is a good thing that Luann’s Greg Evans doesn’t write actual porn scripts:

    (Interior Kitchen. The PLUMBER is under the sink, ass crack hanging out of his pants. The HOUSEWIFE, wearing nothing but a negligee, is standing nearby)

    Plumber: Well, lady, your pipes haven’t been properly cleaned in a long time.

    Housewife: Oh, I know it. My husband just isn’t interested any more. But … maybe you could take care of it?

    Plumber: Well, it is going to take a special tool to do the job.

    Housewife: I’m sure you can … come up with something??

    (Soundtrack: Boom chikka bow wow)

    Plumber: Yes I can. But I will need to special order it. Have your husband call the shop in about a week. Meanwhile, cover up a bit. It’s cold outside!!

  64. Berroci
    October 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Reliable sources tell me that today’s Herb and Jamaal is an oblique nod to the work of one of its greatest influences, Louis-Ferdinand Celine:

  65. abomunist
    October 14th, 2008 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Is that a Céline reference in Herb and Jamaal? If they’re looking to suck the fun out of life with a reference, they’ve gone straight to #1. No 600-page book has a bleaker outlook about he human experience. Of course, if you’re the one who creates Herb+Jamaal, Mort à Crédit is probably as depressing as Goodnight Moon.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 14th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    M-Duke’s look is indeed “feeding frenzy”, but with a twist of “crank high.”

  67. GeoX
    October 14th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Oh come now, Death on the installment Plan isn’t THAT bad. It even has a halfway redemptive ending. Certainly it is more cheerful than Journey to the End of the Night.

  68. Zaq
    October 14th, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    I am utterly unsurprised that today’s Spider-Man contains a random, barely warranted television reference.

    Archie: Is the AJGLU3K working through some particularly difficult new programming? Those faces are almost as deformed and horrifying as Dick Tracy characters. Not quite Shirl Locke, perhaps, but damn scary.

    Pluggers: Pluggers routinely fall asleep on the road while driving fully laden semi trucks.

    Zombie: Rod didn’t bail a moment too soon. I’m all behind him.

    GF: I’m pretty sure this is a recycled joke. For shame, Conley! You don’t have to stoop that low!

    C’shaft: No one can be happy. No one can be happy. No one can be happy.

    FW: From smirk to despair in record time!

    A3G: Hey, kids! Can you fill in the blank with what Margo really said? “I won’t allow the lies of some _______ _______ to sully the name…”

    MT: I… was not expecting that final panel. That’s bizarre.

    GT: This, on the other hand, I was expecting. Non-Euclidian bliss.

    RMMD: …No, I’m sorry, I can’t. Someone else has to.

  69. bats :[
    October 14th, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    I don’t follow Spiderman, so my first thought looking at today’s strip is that Jameson is dating the very available Liza Minelli.

  70. 150
    October 14th, 2008 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    I had my browser in a small screen, so when I scrolled down to Herb & Jamaal I only saw the first three panels: Thus. It didn’t even occur to me that the thing might have a punchline. You know you’ve been reading too much Crankshaft, Mary Worth, and Family Circus when you see a comic strip that’s nothing but a meditation on death, and you don’t even blink.

  71. Angry Kem
    October 14th, 2008 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    Greetings, my friends. I am now able to reveal to you a strange, strange story…a mystery that may never be solved.

    In yesterthread, I revealed that I was in possession of a mysterious picture of Margaret Thatcher in football shorts. The Wonder Mary drawing had reminded me of my Football Thatcher; when I looked at my picture again, I realised that, bizarrely, both women’s faces were even skewed sideways in the same freakish way. Some people requested access to the picture of FT. Here she is.

    However…there’s more.

    I scanned the picture before I realised that I could get it out of the frame after all; it turned out all right, so I didn’t bother rescanning it. I did, out of curiosity, take the picture out of the frame. I discovered that it was a clipping from Penthouse magazine; I’m not sure what year, but I do know that over the leaf was an article about a very Saturday Night Fever-looking John Travolta. Someone had cut the picture out of the magazine and framed it.

    There is yet more.

    Behind the Thatcher picture is another, older picture: a faded sepia-toned photo of a boy and his dog on flimsy paper. This does not seem to be a clipping, and it certainly isn’t a photocopy…nor does it seem to be on photo paper (though I admit that I am not sure what photo paper looked like in the period in which the photograph was evidently originally taken). There is no writing on it. I do not know what it is doing behind the magazine clipping featuring Margaret Thatcher in football shorts.

    I inherited this curious artefact from a writer-in-residence at my old grad college. I was portering the day he moved out; he, evidently trying to un-clutter his life, bestowed upon me the Thatcher picture, a huge framed photograph of Winston Churchill (behind cracked glass), and a rather clumsy framed sketch of Queen’s College, Oxford, done by one J. M. Harvard. I have retained all these curiosities because I think they are awesome.

  72. Mary, Quite Contrary
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Regarding FOOB: For Better or For Worse began in 1979. According to, Elizabeth was born in 1981. She’s clearly an infant in these strips. Shania Twain didn’t become Shania Twain until 1991 (the year April was born). According to Wikipedia, she was born Eilleen Twain in 1965 and changed her name “to Shania [Sha-nye-uh] an Ojibwa word which means ‘On my way’” in 1991 after her first recording contract. Could this be a very pointed jab at Rod? Perhaps he has a thing for Shania. Seems like Lynn should have picked someone from that era.

  73. bats :[
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    71. Angry Kem: dang, that illustrator style of Mrs. Thatcher is very familiar, but I’ll be darned if I could tell you who the artist might be.

    If that’s hanging in your bedroom, that alone is reason enough to think that you have a very, very scary boudoir…

  74. Angry Kem
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    #73 bats: That’s nothing. Churchill is right over my bed…and the walls are the colour of dried blood (admittedly, that wasn’t my doing; I didn’t repaint after the previous tenant left).

  75. abomunist
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    re: GeoX

    You’re right, it’s not. But neither of them are as depressing as H+J.

  76. Brick Bradford
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    #47 And then Jonah was next–and not in a good way. Imagine the terrified flailing of his wingtips as Maria prepares for the final swallow.

  77. rhymes with puck
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Oh, yes, Jeff I knew him before I moved to Charterstone. I remember it well…it was 1953 at Licensebrick, and I gave him the best dirty sanchez of his life. Now, how about some more prune juice?”

    FW: Who could imagine that waving a cigar box full of money in front of a crowd, placing it in a backpack, and then walking away from it wasn’t secure?

    Luann: So last we have have Brad and Toni taking half-naked pictures of each other, and now we have Gunther suggesting that he feel up Luann, er, take her measurements? I’m liking this new direction Luann is heading – I’m looking forward to next week when TJ and Tiffany shoot a porno.

  78. Donkey Hotey
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    #68 Zaq: Since even the copyright date is recycled (2006), as was yesterday’s, I suspect Conley is just on vacation, not recycling ideas.

  79. commodorejohn
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    #76 Brick Bradford – That’s a profoundly wonderful image, except for the part where it intersects with a truly frightening Internet subculture that I swore I’d stay away from no matter what. And yet here I am, tip-toeing on the borders, because that thought is just that awesome. SPIDER-MAN YOU HAVE CORRUPTED ME DAMMIT

  80. BenG
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    … I can almost swear that today’s Marmaduke is a rerun.

  81. Robert Fludd
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    I feel like “I love it when I go to bed to sleep” is actually far too specific for Herb and Jamal. It should read more along the lines of: “I love it when I engage in that popular nocturnal activity the kids are all doing on mattresses.” Actually… maybe I’ve gone too specific once again. Writing Herb and Jamal is harder than it seems on first glance.

  82. Deena in OR
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    Bats :[, AngryKem-

    The style of the picture somehow reminds me of the “Dick and Jane” reading textbook series. FWIW.

  83. Donkey Hotey
    October 14th, 2008 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    #71 Angry Kem: Is it possible the “boy and his dog” picture is just the sample pic that comes with a new frame? Those are often printed in sepia-tone on thin paper. All the photo paper I’ve encountered — old and very old — was thick and similar to modern photo paper.

  84. Weaselboy
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:04 am [Reply]

  85. Black Drazon
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    I’m bothered by TCM’s appealing to Spider Man’s choice slice of the market, as it unconsciously implies that Spider Man has a choice slice of the market.

  86. Angry Kem
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    #83: I don’t think so. I did consider that, but it’s a different kind of paper and doesn’t really look like a sample. And yeah, now I think of it, a lot of the old photos we have in our family are printed on really thick paper.

    At any rate, sample or not, it’s an odd thing to find in behind Margaret Thatcher in football shorts.

  87. bats :[
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Humpday observations:

    JP: oh, it’s a very good Humpday indeed!

    MT: that settles it…all the ladies love Mark.
    Too bad he has absolutely no idea to do with them (Cherry included).

    Wow. That was brief…

  88. Milo
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal is just expressing the Sartre existentialist view of being and nothingness in comical, layman’s terms. He is relating sleeping to death, which is nothingness, and expressing his fear of said nothingness.

    …that said, please don’t do it again.

  89. Rob
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    I can imagine Jamaal now.

    “Hey, have you heard about white powdered narcotic? I hear that it has physiological effects!”

  90. maryc
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Luanne(10/15/08): “Gunther! Just Measure!” (For God’s sake! It’s the only sexual contact I’ll have my enitre life! Do IT already!)

  91. Donald The Anarchist
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    H&J More morbid metaphors [Holding up a doughnut] “This doughnut sure is tasty. But just like life, there’s an emptiness inside that defines it.” For more of Jamaal’s wacky takes on everything from newspaper print to maturbation, buy Jamaal’s Guide to the Essential Futility of That Natural Process That Many Organisms Go Through

    S-M “How about ‘prick-tease,’ Maria? You ever heard THAT one?”

  92. christian
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    “sleep. those little slices of death. how they scare me!” – paraphrased/misquoted from E.A. Poe

    everybody dosen’t think the way Herb & Jamall do? now i feel more alone… alas

  93. christian
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    but now H&J has again triggered my morbid fear of sleep. thanks!

  94. Lisa
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    I peeked ahead at the Chron and I have to say I don’t get 9CL at all…. can someone enlighten me? Here or on tomorrow’s thread?

  95. Jimmy Olsen
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Lisa: I was about to ask the same question re: 9CL.

    Only thing I can figure is that the vertical area behind her in panel 2 is somehow mirror-like, enlarging and distorting her reflection. Otherwise, it could be figurative, i.e. her imagining herself onstage. But then, why the rectangular area and not a traditional thought-balloon?

  96. Bribaby
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Maria’s got man hands! Why JJJ, you sly ol’ tranny lover you, I never suspected until now. But upon closer inspection, I shouldn’t be surprised; that hairstyle and mustache would look completely at home under a leather captain’s hat.

    Rex, don’t you get it?! Tweaks and Lenore are already dead! They died ages ago. Just look at them. They’re Flying Dutchman people who bicker and squabble on their respective yachts throughout all eternity, occasionally trying to draw insouciant young doctors into their arthritically sinister clutches. And you fell for it. Now you’ll be a cabin boy in purgatory. Actually, that would be a pretty cool title for a spin-off strip.

  97. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    Who is this over-specific impostor? Where is the real J-man? The Jamaal I know has an attitude towards going to that place of dormancy for unspecified reasons.

  98. A New Day
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    Hey everybody, wouldn’t it be great if today’s Mary Worth were the end of the storyline? In other words, if Mary just thought briefly about how it was interesting to see her old friend on TV, but after that she went on to do something else? And wouldn’t it be even better if we didn’t have to watch her do that next thing, and if future storylines could be about somebody else, in a different town, with interesting people and engaging problems?

  99. Mr. O'Malley
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    I’ve been catching up because I had had to (ugh!) work. But

    # AtomicDog says:
    October 13th, 2008 at 11:45 am

    Slylock – Also, the crescent moon’s horns in the night sky never, ever point downwards.

    I say this in a sincere quest for knowledge: Wouldn’t the crescent moon point directly downwards or upwards rising or setting if you lived on the equator? And isn’t this why the ancient Egyptians represented the moon-goddess Isis as being in a boat, ancient Egyptian boats having a curved bow and stern?


    MC: Oh, just imagine an entire comic devoted to language misuse!

    OBH: Another one for the grammarians.

    9CL: He does a nice job with the buildings. I don’t get the point of it, but that’s probably because I have a hard time telling the characters apart. Is that her or someone else?

    HotC: Is there such a thing as WWI action figures? Or are these children so deprived that they have to steal their toys from war gamers?

  100. Albert
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:26 am [Reply]

    AMC and TCM have been available on Shaw Cable in Vancouver for just over a year now. AMC shows the Posiden Adventure 100 times a day if not more.

  101. Elmo
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    I don’t care about Spidey Crudge – but hell guy can you prove they were pimping TCM ? I think that TCM has become an Icon ……
    You are wrong.

  102. Balius
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    Clearly, Maria in S-M isn’t eating at all. The man-hands with the painted fingernails reaching up toward her mouth, the look of horror, the grimmace, the unidentifiable “food” on her “fork”…

    She’s obviously just had her teeth forcibly brushed by an amputee in drag. Thus is the next great villain for the spectacular Spider-Man introduced. Once he thinks of a name on the caliber of “The Shocker” that incorporates his fetish crimes of choice, he’ll start appearing on-frame.

  103. Pozzo
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    I think we’re all missing H&J’s point. If we were to finish Jamaal’s thought in the first panel, it would be something like, “I love it when I go to bed to sleep…since I haven’t done anything else there since about 1987.”

  104. John C Fremont
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    # 71 Angry Kem – Thank you! The horror! The horror! I love it! The horror!

    # 82 Deena – Tee-hee!

    MT – Sue Butler should wear lipstick. I hear it’s available in dimestores…

    Seriously. Her lips are creeping me out.

    MW – “… the newest ‘it girl’ on ice?” Sounds as though Mary is the one who’s been watching Turner Classics. And why does she look as though she’s thinking about how she’s going to cash in on this it-girl-on-ice business?

    JP – Dixie’s really looking like Abbey today. I mean that in a good way. A very, very good way.

  105. gleeb
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    Yeah! Baltimore cheapskate solidarity! I dropped the cable some years ago when they tried to up the rates again. I just rent old movies; won’t miss tv when it goes away next February.

    27: What?

    Candorville: I’ve badmouthed Bell before, but I’d just like to say I’ve been enjoying this Apocalypse Now series.

    Brenda: Brenda, horses don’t have gas tanks. Way to mess up an already overblown simile.

    9CL: A little tracing, no need to think up any dialogue, toss in a character and a desperate plea for people to read his fairy-porn. McDowner must have had a dentist appointment.

    Bizarro: Well, if we don’t test medicine on other animals, we’re going to have to test it on humans. Make up your mind.

    Dick: Diet hesitates? How surprising.

    Mary: Lake Tranquil is for athletes too drugged to use the facilities at Lake Placid. Also, I’d like to point out that Mary is old enough to immediately think of the Clara Bow comparison. Or maybe she just likes one of those old-movie cable channels.

  106. ScienceGiant
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    A new low in Spider-man: reading about people talking about watching television…

  107. minifigs
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Yay! It’s the Spiderman/ Gil Thorp Sentient Dismembered Arm Crossover Week!

  108. Saluki
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:57 am [Reply]


    Q: If you were a single guy out on the town who would you rather have as you wing man, Gunther of Brad?

    A: It’s a trick question. If either of these guys are your wing man you’d better make sure you’re wearing a parachute.

  109. Saluki
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    It looks like Mary Worth got herself a government job in Ziggy‘s town.

  110. dimestore lipstick
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Canaduck @17–
    The movie situation on AMC is grimmer than ever–but they have developed a couple of really good original drama shows, “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad”. And they showed “The Sting” yesterday, which really made me happy, even with the commercials.

    On topic–how does Jamaal feel when he goes other places to sleep?

  111. dimestore lipstick
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Hey, John C Fremont–

    Where’d you hear a thing like that?

  112. Josh
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Hey, everybody, just FYI, I don’t actually think TCM is buying product placement in Spider-Man. See, it would be so pointless to do so that the concept would be laughable! And that’s why it’s what we call a “joke.”


  113. Brick Bradford
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    SM Hey, Jonah’s ordering one of those chocolate flavored watery soft drinks. He should be grateful because the arrival of the Slick Haired Clock Fancier saved him from being devoured whole.

    DT I think what Diet hesitates to say is, “evil is near”.

    A3G Doesn’t this cop know who he’s messing with? He’ll be pounding a beat in Flatbush in a week.

    9CL No idea.

    MT I thought she’d be smitten with Sneaky–not Mark. Sneaky, of course, would give her more actual affection.

    JP Thought I was joking when I asked how many days it would take for Dixie to get out the door, didn’t you? Wait, you all read JP, so this takes no one by surprise.

  114. Mordock999
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Todays Luann 10/15/08

    Hey, WAIT a second!

    HOW can a teenage girl, who 95% of the time roaming the malls,
    looking at clothes, NOT know her OWN measurements?!?

    Oh, I get it. Luann’s just pretending she doesn’t know her measurements to lure the ‘Gunth’ closer to her.
    Setting up a possible romantic scene, eh?
    Only in the end, as usual there’ll be NO “pay off”.

    Nice try, Greg…,


    DEATH to TJ!

  115. Dr. Mabuse
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – “Male chauvinist pig”? Boy, you think she might have updated THAT fossilized expression while she was at it! I wonder if LJ did a Nexus search for the word “hygienist” in all her past strips, and is going to drag us along for the ride as he broods grimly over each one.

  116. Renee
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Hahaha, Maria doesn’t understand that OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM only works when cute things do it.

  117. Calico
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Waaaah – I can’t get the comics from my Daily Ink subscription or from .

    Anyone else have this problem this AM?

    Maria in SM looks like she hasn’t eaten in weeks. Her eyes look like the eyes of my cat just after he’s caught a bird.

  118. skullcrusherjones
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    H&J: Have you heard about the end of life everyone’s talking about?

  119. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    # 111 – I saw it on some website where people were upset about Captain Kangaroo driving off a cliff. Oh, the things we learn on the internets!

  120. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Having devoured her lobster, Maria now seem intent on consuming an entire chicken.

  121. John C Fremont
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    # 119 – Where are my cookies? Oh, the humanity!

  122. Muffaroo
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    A3G – Edda walks down a street. Wow. Readers of Dick Tracy who look at this probably have to sit down for a few minutes to get used to the dizzying pace of the action.

    Archie – I’ve heard of bringing your own lunch, but this is ridiculous!

    Color Strips – The Chronicle has decided to give me another vacation from all of them. Hooray! I’m off to the “jigsaw puzzles” web site!

    TRAZE-E – “Diet, your robot keeps repeating calls from the taxi dispatcher down the block. What gives? Wait, now he’s doing the baseball game. Never mind… Wait, Diet, still there? How come his lips don’t move when he does that? Diet?”

    FOOB 1.2 – “But Elly… I only want to audition her!”

    GThorp – Don’t, don’t, don’t let’s start / I’ve got a weak heart…

    H&Jamaal – Ay, there’s the rub, for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

    Mduke – Dogs don’t putt, you stupid mutt.

    Pluggers – Thank god I’ve only ever returned some calls to tell the callers know they had the wrong number. For one day, at least, I’m not being called a plugger.

    Id – The “mirror” is clearly floating above the horizon line and leaving a shadow on the presumptive floor. Re-edit dialog to “Mirror, Mirror, on the fourth wall…”

  123. Muffaroo
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Canaduck @17 – When it started, AMC was great! It was one of two mini-pay channels (the other was Bravo, which was also great back then) that we payed a tiny premium for, in exchange for commercial-free old movies. No colorization, no edits, no panning & scanning, and no talking over the end credits. Lots of offbeat old detective flicks, noirs, musicals, Blondie marathons, silent treats and all the movies I used to be able to catch on regular TV stations every day. TCM/Turner dried up their source for all that, so now AMC is ad-ridden, it shows stuff edited for television, and the end credits are squeezed down and run in fast motion. I get my old-movie fix from TCM now; it’s the only game in town, as Fox Movie doesn’t seem to be an option.

    Jimmy Olsen @95 – My question was why the reflection of Edda has a hairy chest. What’s up with that?

  124. queek
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Its not just the Chron. My back-up at the SeattlePI isn’t showing them either. *cries*

  125. Treadwell
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    JP: Don’t go, Dixie. Please don’t go.
    …unless it’s to your own spinoff strip. Yes, that would do nicely. Pack the bikini.

  126. CanuckDownSouth
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]


    I say this in a sincere quest for knowledge: Wouldn’t the crescent moon point directly downwards or upwards rising or setting if you lived on the equator? And isn’t this why the ancient Egyptians represented the moon-goddess Isis as being in a boat, ancient Egyptian boats having a curved bow and stern?

    The center of the crescent will point toward the Sun. If you are (i) nearish the equator, allowing (ii) a time of the year when the Sun’s position has it rise nearly straight up from the horizon AND (iii) at a time of the year that the Moon’s orbital tilt relative to the Earth-Sun plane is pretty minimal, then the crescent will, near the horizon look like a smiley/ frowny shape.

    So the whole “boat” thing – yup. Don’t know if that’s the reason, but it works.

    However, to see it upside-down, the crescent will be following the Sun, which will be above it in the sky. In the bright sky, the upside-down crescent will be harder to see then than the “boat shape crescent”. The “boat” will still be up once the Sun has set (or before the Sun rises). And if the Sun isn’t up above the “upside-down crescent”, it doesn’t work. I refuse to go check Slylock to see what the situation was :-)

  127. CanuckDownSouth
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    (continuing #126 – to be accurate, the Moon’s orbital plane has a constant tilt, but at different times of the year, the crescent phases are at different heights above the Earth-Sun line. Not sure it makes a huge difference, though, to the final shape you see.)

  128. Dr. Pants
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Today’s Herb and Jamaal reminds me of the old days of ’70s comic books. Daredevil, mid-fight, would reminisce about how radioactive waste gave him his powers. Meanwhile, in the ’00s, Jamaal feels the need to explain, “I love it when I go to bed to sleep.”

    Wow. I wonder if tomorrow’s installment will include Herb thinking, “Sitting on the toilet is the best place for crapping.”

  129. Angry Kem
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    There are more medieval spoons today.

    9CL: As everybody else has been saying: Er…what? Is that a giant Pibgorn whose face happens to look exactly like Edda’s? Why is there a giant Pibgorn? Is something incongruously magical about to happen? Where are all the people in Brussels? Perhaps this is a dream? Perhaps this is a nightmare? Perhaps I should stop thinking about this? I choose the final option.

    ReFoob: I don’t mind that LJ doesn’t update “male chauvinist pig” because her updates annoy me much more than her originals. However, seeing as she has claimed to be returning to the early strips expressly so that she can focus more on the Pattersons themselves, I fail to understand why she is including so many comics in which John makes a dick of himself over a new hygienist. Oh, wait…I understand now. Never mind.

    A3G: “Okay…fine!” “Yeah…fine!” “I’ll be seeing you!” “Yeah…whatever!” “Your momma!” “Right back at you!”


  130. Some Free Range Buffalo
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Ted Turner announced today that he was indeed buying product placement in Spiderman.

    He is planning to buy all of the Marvel catalog of characters and creating a network dedicated to showing their movies and tv shows and creating new series for the major characters and even some minor ones.

    I saw this on Faux News this morning.

  131. Johnny Boston
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Lio: Today’s comic is genuinely disturbing. I can see the kid going into the whole IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN routine whenever he catches someone in his pit of death.

  132. D'oh
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    H&J: Wow.

  133. willieO
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Its funny. The only way to answer Jonah’s question is with another question; “Are you getting any?”

    If no, well she’s probably in it for the food.

    If yes, who the hell cares? You’re gettin’s some!

  134. Hibbleton
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    9CL I’d like to give this strip to a freshman fine arts class and ask for an interpretive essay:
    Women passes peeing putti. Women has terrifying vision of giant Miss America looming over her. Women becomes insignificant spec walking in deserted city. Discuss.

  135. True Fable
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    9CL So, Pibgorn is going to make a guest appearance? She’s right there on the building in panel two! Well, it’s high time something interesting happened in this strip, even if it’s only fairy porn.
    A3G “It’s only a body, Miss Magee, and you’ve never been squeamish about disposing of the dead before.”
    BB Beetle’s idea of small talk is about as good as his idea of a romantic spot for his date – under a tree on the bare ground, when she’s wearing her heels and pearls and that SAME DAMN BLACK DRESS. Well, she’s not complaining about it so there you are.
    Curtis A. You honestly expected Gunk to make sense? Where is your brain, kid?
    B. Geez, 180 degrees by 180 degrees meant nothing to me, yet Curtis was able to immediately recognize it as a sphere. And he’s supposed to be so lousy in school, too! *sigh* I am become Dumb.
    FC Prom Dresses from Hell, yes. That’s why I’ve got all you little devils. Now hush up and go stoke the brimstone.
    Canadian Zombie But Elly…somebody’s got to fuck them.
    FW I still admire the way Batiuk draws but I swear, I cannot bear the ANGST and unending DEPRESSION that continually blasts at me from the panels. Oh, you had a thousand dollars! – oh, now it’s gone! And it’s your fault! You are a loser! You screwed the pooch! You FAIL! Do you hear me, FAIL!
    WTFGT I couldn’t have said it better than the Tall White Guy in Panel Two. I want that panel on a tee shirt.
    JP “Now Mommy, come go with Sammy to the bedroom!” Well, it would be believable in Pardon My Planet or The Least I Could Do but alas, we all know Sam Driver too well.
    Luann See? I told you this cutesy-poo shy routine of Gunther would drag on for a while yet.
    MT Aaaaand she’s looking RIGHT AT US while thinking about that dreamy Mark Trail and his khaki manliness! “My, can that man grab a stick and push it into an alligator’s eye! Oh, how he can flex his muscles walking me back to some dismal farmhouse! Goodness, but he knows so much about thieving, rabid little animals! I wanna TAKE HIM!”
    Marmadick Honey, you best shut up before he decides to make YOU his ‘hole in one’.
    MW “…and I HATE ‘it girls’!”
    Mutts I fear tomorrow; he’s branching out into the rest of the animal kingdom and oh no no no, not my beloved goats! Save the goats!
    RMMW Rex is still Jack Lord-less in panel three, but it’s just a matter of time before every follicle falls neatly into its bed of hair gel.
    S-M Oh, crap. Just bring in Mary Worth and get this shit over and done with in seven or eight weeks.
    Zits Bwahaha, teens today don’t pass notes on paper in class anymore! In fact, they don’t even know what paper is! They are incapable of acknowledging anything to do with their hands other than pressing keys and jerking off! Har har!

  136. Islamorada Girl
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    LUANN: Speaking of product placement, I don’t know if anyone still cares, but Evans probably put that swoosh on Toni’s bra so all the little old ladies wouldn’t cancel their subscriptions to the paper. Doubtless without it, they’d all think she was wearing some kind of sexy boob bag from Frederick’s of Hollywood. And we can’t have that now, can we? But a sports bra, oh, that’s okay.

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]


    A3G: Showing how the pros do it, Margo Magee won’t let the homicide detective leave without buying a painting. Sex, guilt, whatever it takes.

    BB: Nothing charms the womenfolk like chatter about astronaut excrement. Is Beetle deliberately scuttling his date with Miss Buxley? That’s really the kindest explanation.

    BC: Krunk? They have Southern rap in this caveman society?

    Blondie: What amazes me is that the announcer described it as a “sizzling” presidential debate and Dagwood didn’t immediately get up to fry some bacon.

    9CL: Edda’s image is all over Brussels. She’ll have to send her poison pygmies to wash it off.

    MT: The last panel close-up is pure camp classic. I imagine in a couple of weeks we’ll see Sue Butler lying on her side, one tear rolling down her cheek. “Oh Mark Trail, do you even know I’m alive?”

    DtM: Alice does, indeed, tell Henry what he’s doing wrong. Sometime gently and sometimes not. They didn’t think Dennis could hear, though. Time to re-plaster those walls.

    Ziggy: Use your turn signal and buckle up, or else you’ll end up in Mary Worth traffic court.

    SFx: The swordfsh is planning to grab the knife while the octopus is on his feeding frenzy. Then, doubly armed, the fish will shank the octopus and take the treasure. Action Packed, ladies and gentlemen.

    6C: The joke is that the little joey got its eye poked out by a pencil? When did this become “Happy Tree Friends: The Daily Comic.”

    S-M: The Clocksucker (good one) is JJJ’s romantic rival? I don’t understand. Maria is a very attractive woman. How can her prospects be narrowed down to Flattop Hitler and a load who did time for stealing Flava Flav’s bling.

  138. Sequitur
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    “Gunther of Brad” That sounds a bit British. “I am Gunther of Brad and I have come to play the grand piano, Mattah.”

  139. Niall
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Angry Kem: wow, you weren’t exaggerating the Thatcher description. From Playboy? I’m sure there’s a forum somewhere that would have knowledgeable people who could identify it in seconds.

    Whether you even want to search for such a place is a different question.

    Your bedroom certainly sounds… interesting? challenging? I think I’ll stop thinking about it.

    GT: Panel 2 is a thing of some kind of beauty, out of context. I wonder if “Dude… you’re wearing a SKIRT!” would make a good t-shirt or not. Might get one beaten up in some places.

    MC: I’m fairly certain this one started from some personal experience of this misuse.

    Pluggers: live in small towns only. Nothing past a hundred people. These calls all come from “The Outside”, a place pluggers go as infrequently as possible.

  140. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    #99 Mr. O’Malley,

    It looks like there are indeed Great War action figures. My guess is that Dean was playing with something a little more basic, though.

  141. jordin
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I love it when I go to the bathroom to the toilet!

    I love it when I go home to my house!

    I love it when I eat food to eat!

  142. Poteet
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    I didn’t say anything about Giella’s MW version of Wonder Woman in the previous metapost because I was hoping that if I didn’t respond, it wouldn’t permanently imprint on my brain. But it did. So I will now try to look at the bright side by observing that now we at least know that Mary’s incredible hairstyle is not, in fact, impenetrable, and can be pierced by the right Amazonian headpiece.

  143. will
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    MW: “There’s got to be a way I can meddle with them…”

    GT: To be fair, Stacie, you started arguing with him during the game.

  144. Angry Kem
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    #139 Niall: Nah…Penthouse, not Playboy…not that it makes a huge difference. I’m trying to imagine the effect of that picture on the gentlemen readers. Y’know…you’re flipping through the magazine (looking for articles, obviously, and not at all interested in the scantily clad or entirely unclad ladies in various compromising positions), minding your own business, and suddenly…

    Margaret Thatcher. In football shorts. With her fly beginning to come undone. In living colour.

  145. Steve C.
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Of COURSE Jamaal would specify that he enjoys going to bed to sleep, because he’s terrified of sex even more than he is of death. Because of the vagueness in the H&J universe, sex is a strange and imposing thing — there’s much awkward fumbling and false starts as he can only tell his wife about “that position that everyone’s talking about” or “the way we did it a few months ago.” Invariably, this ends with bleeding, crying and some combination of penis/nostril contact. This may explain why Jamaal’s nose is so distended.

  146. Amateur
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    MT: How exactly does one interrupt relaxation?

    S-M: And they wonder why we single girls get sick of dating. Trust me, friends, the man who rants “Do you care for me? I have to know NOW!” (or whatever he was yelling; I can’t find the strip online now) is no figment of the author’s imagination. And usually he’s not even ponying up for lobster at the time. Sigh.

    (First comment, so I suppose I should introduce myself; I came over not long ago from RiffTrax. This site already has done strange things to my brain. I’m actually regretting now that my paper doesn’t carry “Mary Worth” so I can’t keep up with the daily follies of on-ice It girls and other otherworldly beings. *Shudder*)

  147. Calico
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Daily Ink has been back up and running for a while now. I was finally able to read all of the Daily Disasters.

    Next, Mary catches the next red-eye to NY to meddle!
    Plus, I didn’t know that IT people automatically made good skaters…

  148. MeganKoumori
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke: I’d say less “innocent” and more “on doggy crack.”

  149. True Fable
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    #146 Amateur – Welcome! Here, follow Mary with this. As you see, you can knock off any comics you don’t care to see (I myself have about a dozen that get the ax when I have the time to delete them and not just build the whole thing from laziness). Now you can follow the meddle with the rest of us!

  150. Amateur
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, True Fable!

  151. odinthor
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    #138. Sequitur.

    “Gunther of Brad” That sounds a bit British. “I am Gunther of Brad and I have come to play the grand piano, Mattah.”

    Yes, or perhaps something from the Nibblung…Nibellingenla…Niebelangload… um . . . or perhaps something from that German epic everyone’s talking about.

    146. Amateur.

    MT: How exactly does one interrupt relaxation?

    By the hotel maid bursting into the room unexpectedly, Sigh, it happened to me twice last weekend in a three-night stay. “And relaxation isn’t the only thing it interrupts,” he added with a sad smile.

  152. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    #89 Rob – Not to be overly pedantic, but cocaine is a stimulant, not a narcotic.

    9CL – You know, with the fantastic artwork and nobody being bitchy or loathsome, today’s 9 Chickweed Lane is actually pretty awesome. Why can’t they shut up more often? Anyway, although this is hardly the first McEldowney crossover cameo, I do wonder what exactly the deal is with panel two. Are the good folk of Brussels just major Pibgorn fans to the extent that they have painted a mural on the building? Or is that wall some giant monitor connected to the VR thingy in which the strip has spent approximately the last forty-eight years? Or is this some sort of psychological thing, where Edda’s inner fairy is advising her to maybe not be so damn uptight? Or maybe I’m just overthinking this.

    A.D. – Psst, Mason: contrast. It’s a good thing.

    BB – Wait, how did we wind up with a reasonably intelligent and moderately amusing Beetle Bailey?

    Blondie – Blondie nails it today.

    BS – Nice try, Brenda, but if you really want to beat Mary Worth in the Inter-Comic Platitude Competition, you’re going to have to come up with some less coherent.

    Curtis – Uh, Gunk, a beach ball doesn’t sink because…oh never mind, this is hardly the worst crime of inaccuracy that’s going to be perpetrated in this storyline. At any rate, I look forward to the part where the damn thing rolls over during the storm and everything crashes against the far wall.

    DT – c’mon robot cold war robot cold war robot cold war

    FC – Um…what?

    FW – Haha, Funky, you marvelous asshole. Would you mind insinuating something about how disappointed Lisa would be, while you’re at it?

    GT – Gil Thorp is about the most mind-altering substance out there.

    JP – Don’t go, Dixie! Don’t go!

    Luann – Well it’s about time one of the deGroots showed a hint of volition in their relationships. Now if only Gunther wasn’t so horrifyingly creepy.

    MT – Oh God yes.

    MW – Thank you, Mary, for recapping the past two days for us. I had completely forgotten the events of Monday and Tuesday.

    Pibgorn – Either Roger has turned into Janus, or Brooke has forgotten how to draw motion lines.

    Pluggers – “Also, your husband wants you to know that he’s leaving you for the Afghan lady on the other side of town. And your mother is wondering why you never visit.”

    Popeye – Aaaand the direction for the rest of the storyline is set: the damn thing is going to eat everything in sight, and Popeye will have to get rid of it. Does this mean I can tune out now?

    RMMD – “Rex, tell your fath-uh, Tweaks that he’s a good-for-nothing bum!” “Rex, tell your m-er, that woman that she’s a nosy old biddy!”

    SF – I’m seriously interested to see where this is going.

    SFx – Oh, today’s strip is so many different kinds of awesome.

    SM – Holy crap, she’s got a whole other lobster to eat? The woman is a bottomless pit of appetite. As well as being pretty much the most interesting character in the strip at present.

    Ziggy – Is…is Tom Wilson seriously throwing us a bone here? Does that mean that Tom Wilson uses the internet? I think the universe may be about to implode.

  153. Harry Worth
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Obviously, the Lake Placid Chamber of Commerce did not cough up the bucks Mary Worth was asking for to place there name into the comic.

    It is shameless how much advertising and begging have slipped into comics (and comics commenting)

  154. AmazingThor
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    What is up in Luann? The whole universe of this strip is filled with horny women practically begging for sex and all the men are too stupid to realize it.

  155. Brick Bradford
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Calico–my back up site is
    It’s up and running with most of the usual suspects.

    ACL I’m beginning to think this all has something to do with Edda finally getting Amos’ pants off.

    Boy, if somebody named odinthor can’t spell nibelunglied (?) what hope is there for those of us who aren’t part of the Norse/Teutonic pantheon?

  156. AmazingThor
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Crank: I love the old man’s glare. He friggin’ HATES that cup of coffee. Some advice for Mr. Shaft: You don’t have to drink it!

    Curtis: This kid is basically explaining Scientology, right?

    DtM: Dennis’ parents are about to have to explain the term “life partner”

    GT: Did you look stupid? You mean when you were wearing a skirt and the whole school saw your girlfriend emasculate you? No, you looked fine.

    H&J: Wow, I like the understated threat in that last panel. “I know you won’t tell my wife because I saved a copy of those photographs…”

    MT: That phone call totally interrupted her Jazzercising!

  157. lucas
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

  158. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    #99, and more the point #126/127 CanuckDownSouth: In addition to that orbital inclination, the Moon’s axis also has a “swing” (technically, a libration) so different parts of the Moon’s poles can be pointed at Earth. However, there are some polar craters which are never pointed at the Earth, and never pointed at the Sun. In those craters, it’s thought that ice water might be buried after comets crash. On April 24th, an Atlas 5 rocket will launch NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter to the moon to check it out. LCROSS (the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite) is a secondary payload designed for lunar impact! To confirm or deny the presence of water in a permanently shadowed crater at the Moon’s South Pole, LCROSS will excavate via impact. The impact will eject material from the crater’s surface to create a plume that even a ten inch telescope can detect (and a ten inch telescope with a spectrometer instead of an eyepiece can analyze for the presence of water ice and vapor, and hydrated materials).

  159. ScienceGiant
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    #158 – That website is NASA LCROSS (although seriously, doesn’t that sound like a Mythbusters method of detection?!)

  160. Niall
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    144. Angry Kem: I tried doing a more refined google search on the subject, and on page 1 a link had the following text shown: “Grandmas baseball, grandmas baseball, Margaret Thatcher naked in the snow,”

    I stopped looking. It could only get even worse.

    152. Commodorejohn: but would the Afghan lady be an Afghani Afghan? Wearing an afghan?

  161. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    #160 Niall – A fascinating question, that, but I’m afraid she just doesn’t show up often enough to tell. As for the Aghani part, though, I don’t think Pluggers like them ferriners.

  162. Revsfan
    October 15th, 2008 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Andy Capp: My favorite product placement is the logo of the Mirror at the top of the paper Andy’s reading, as if to say,if the Mirror is good enough for Andy Capp, it’s good enough for you.

  163. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    #145 Steve C.
    Traumatizing imagery, but still COTW-worthy.

  164. Red Greenback
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn@#152: re #89 Rob. Rob is referring to China white heroin, which is Herb and Jamaal’s dope of choice.

  165. Scherzo
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    9CL: What I’m worried about is that the last time Edda was walking the streets of a deserted city, she was in the company of a unicorn…

  166. RJE
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Long time reader, first time caller ^^; I just could NOT help myself today there was too much to comment on. I mean – that awesomely freaky pic of Thatcher just totally made my morning. (Thanks Angry Kem!) I love collecting weird stuff, myself.

    Ugh, that first line in H&J was so wooden and awkward I think I sprained something trying to read it. But I figured out why the comic left a bad taste in my mouth. Those panels are all wrong! The words don’t match up to the images at all, and so it feels totally jarring. (Not that existential angst on H&J is the norm anyway, but…)

    So I fixed it.

    Omg I love this Spidey strip though! I haven’t even read the words, the way it’s drawn is too awesome.

    Does anyone actually keep their eyes trained on the food hovering near their lips?! She’s staring so hard her eyes are crossed. The only people I know that do that are so plastered they have to, or they’ll end up sticking a chicken wing up their nose.

    Then there’s this nightmarish study in the surreal, with JJJ suddenly sprouting a fully-formed human hand from his chest, and neither of them notice it! JJJ’s even a little smirky about it, like ‘Ah yes, wait til you see what other random appendages I can abruptly grow.’

    …Euuugh. I made myself sad.

    Sufficed to say I’ve not read a lot of Spidey strips. (I didn’t even know they existed in strip form until this site.) Are they all like this? Because then I have to like, go back and look at every single one ever made, ever.

  167. Mel
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    145 (Steve C.) and 163 (Artist/Ben):

    Nostrils nothing. Does that also explain the shape of his head in panel four?

    That would indicate some serious diving. Gah.

  168. Calico
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    #156 Re: Dennis – hahaha!
    Or, “Longtime Companion.”
    And the Mitchells thought they were only going to have to present the book “Where Did I Come From?” in due time.

  169. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL – I don’t get it either, and I suspect there’s no joke. My take is that McEldowney is just showing off. It’s something he seems to do from time to time. On the other hand, his artwork is pretty gorgeous, and he can get away with it.

    My issues are that it doesn’t quite “read”. What are we looking at in panel 2? Is that supposed to be sliver of a billboard? Or maybe some sort of kiosk? Or some kind of fever dream?

    And if you squint and look at panel 3, Edda seems to have stopped walking, and is maybe turning her upper body to the right in surprise? Maybe?

    I’m just hoping it makes sense tomorrow, and doesn’t involve any unicorns.

  170. Non-Shannon
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

  171. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    #166 RJE – Welcome to the fray!

    Anyway, sadly, no, most Spider-Man strips, while certainly artistically competent, are nowhere near as visually fascinating as this one. Although the strips featuring the Shocker were pretty awesome, because how can you not love a guy dressed like a primary-colors quilted oven mitt? And then there was the one with the Vulture zooming out of the subway entrance…but unfortunately, these are rare gems in an otherwise stultifying strip.

  172. gh
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    #135 True Fable —

    “My, can that man grab a stick and push it into an alligator’s eye! . . . I wanna TAKE HIM!”

    Funniest thing I’ve read all week. Here it’s only Wednesday and I can cash in my chuckles.

    #146 Amateur –

    Welcome home. Please close the air-lock behind you.

  173. Dingo
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Frank Griffin lives in Lake Tranquil? My, my, my. Such a perfect sounding town for an elderly female meddler to put up shop. Such as Jessica Fletcher. Oh, wait. That was Murder, She Wrote. With Mary Worth, it’ll be Murder, She Caused. Elderly men, take flight!

  174. odinthor
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    #155. BB.

    Boy, if somebody named odinthor can’t spell nibelunglied (?) what hope is there for those of us who aren’t part of the Norse/Teutonic pantheon?

    Sensible question; but the truth is that, up here in Asgard, normally our interaction with poetry consists of not reading it (ugh—reading—shiver) but rather shouting “Hey—you with the harp—crank it up and spin a platter for us, babe!” while we pass around the lutefisk and lingon. Could be they handle things differently over in Jötunheimr, though; will check next time I’m around…

  175. Muddtallica
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    #145 Steve C – Jamaal’s nose is distended because of penis/nostril interfacing? So are you implying that Herb was having sex with Jamaal’s nose, or that Jamaal’s wife has a…

    …sorry, I just realised that this train of thought is headed towards a cliff, so I’m disembarking at this point. Forget I asked.

  176. PeteMoss
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    MT – In panel 3, the part of Sue Butler, swamp developer, will be played by Brooke Sheilds.

    MW – Let’s just save ourselves about 3 months of strips, ok? Frank Griffin of Lake Tranquil’s Victory Training Center is obviously placing too much pressure on his daughter, the Newest “It Girl” On Ice (Man, that would make a great name for a band! NIGOI.) to win gold medals. NIGOI has other interests but wants badly to please her father. Mary must rush to Upstate New York to meddle NIGOI into telling dad how she really feels about skating and his coaching and to meddle Frank that he needs to love and accept his daughter even if she’s not a gold medal winning champion. Both will enter therapy after Mary flies back to Charterstone.

    By the way, isn’t “IT Girl” about 3′ tall and completely draped in hair?

  177. boojum
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    **cough** Nibelungenlied **cough**

  178. Niall
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    166 RJE: Welcome aboard! And with lines such as “Ugh, that first line in H&J was so wooden and awkward I think I sprained something trying to read it, I believe you will fit right in, especially with those photoshoip skills. :)

    161. commodorejohn: wouldn’t they be “furriners” instead?

  179. Dingo
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #176 PeteMoss: By the way, isn’t “IT Girl” about 3? tall and completely draped in hair?

    Perhaps his daughter is the Newest Cousin It Girl on Ice.

  180. Muffaroo
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    color comics finally showed up. hooray.

    Blondie – “Yes, with gravy!” (Just filling in the old joke this references.)

    Curtis – Ever see a cannonball float?

    A3G – I can’t believe I missed Pipi there. Well, considering he’s two millimeters high on my screen, I guess I can.

    JParker – I don’t really want to know what she’s trained that dog to do. (Old joke: “Okay, Fido, I’m only going to show you ONE MORE TIME…”)

    MFmore – Good thing Journalism’s still got a few “cranks,” or Mallard would be reduced to just staring at us every day.

    MTrail – Wow! Sue’s face in panel 3 is rendered with the same sort of loving attention to detail that Elrod usually saves for squirrels. I wonder if he’ll save this in his clip file and start putting her in the foreground of unrelated medium shots.

    Marfield – I’ve heard of Google-bombing, but this is ridiculous!

    MWorth – Upstate New York? Oh yeah… Lake Placid… Lake Tranquil… Jeez, don’t tell me that Wonderbat is going to be meddling her way up to my neck of the woods now! She could turn Lake Turgid into Lake Tepid.

    MG&Grimm – Sloths, are, slow. We, get, it.

    Phantom – Ghost-who-narrates seems to give names to his various adventure continuities. Do you suppose this one will be “Strike Three for Chatu” or “The Last Bat Round-Up”? And does the Phantom sound like Robert Conrad? Don’t fail to miss our next teeming adventure!

    Popeye“Er… what does a moon baby eat?” He’s asking for Quoik cereal, but maybe he’ll setlle for Quoiker Oats.

    SSmiff – I’d shore be plumb tickled iffen that “su’prise endin’” involved a li’l ol’ rope!

  181. Calico
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    #173 – Once Mary arrives there, it ain’t going to be tranquil any more.

    I also suggest the Mitchells purchase the tome “Heather has Two Mommies” for perusal and discussion.

  182. Dingo
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    One must commend Moy & Giella for their restraint. Normally at the beginning of her stories, Mary has the faint coloring of fresh blood on her teeth. What with Frank Griffin being an old paramour and his hirsute daughter the “It Girl” on ice, ol’ Mar must be readying the meddlin’ machete for a fresh kill.

    Dr. Jeff? Paging Dr. Jeff Cory? New episode beginning. Old boyfriend. Possibilities. Please put your manhood back in storage. On ice.

  183. Muffaroo
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    True Fable @135“Bwahaha, teens today… are incapable of acknowledging anything to do with their hands other than pressing keys and jerking off!” Whoa, there, my good Luddite! Sounds like somebody here has never heard of the iWank!

    jordin @141 – Is this the Jordin I know? A song, a pun, and an electronic circuit for every occasion? Good to see you, in any event.

    commodorejohn @152 – Just wait. Soon, Mary Worth will use the second panel to re-recap what she recapped in the first panel. Platitudinous hilarity is sure to ensue. (Where’s Tonya Harding when you need her? Recap, meet kneecap!)

    AmazingThor @154“hat is up in Luann? The whole universe of this strip is filled with horny women practically begging for sex and all the men are too stupid to realize it. Sounds like Greg Evans is trying to influence reality through cartoon voodoo.
    @156 – This kid is basically explaining Scientology, right? Only on Flyspeck Island, it’s called “Flyentology,” and it’s based on the works of L. Roy Jetson.

    Dingo @182 – In your pants! Oh, sorry, I guess that’s already assumed.

  184. NowImABat
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Angry Kem and everybody, the painting of Mrs. Thatcher you’ve been discussing was probably painted by Ori Hofmekler, whose satirical portraits were featured in Penthouse in the ’80′s.

  185. Occipital Lobe
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    #135 @Curtis:
    Actually … wouldn’t a sphere be 360 degrees by 360 degrees? (By 360 degrees by 360 degrees by 360 degrees, and so on, and so on, and so on GOD MAKE THE VOICES STOP …)

  186. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    If we use spherical coordinates (typically denoted ? and ?) then a sphere is 180 degrees by 360 degrees.

    Bet you a dollar this crappy wordpress thing mangles the ‘phi’ and ‘theta’ characters I had there, though.

  187. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Hey, kids! It’s Wednesday, which means comic soap opera shameless exposition day!

    Mary Worthless: Hey, did you know that Mary’s old friend is now coaching his daughter in figure skating? OF COURSE YOU DID!

    Dickhead Tracy: Hey, did you know that Dick’s robot can detect Braces’s robot? OF COURSE YOU DID! And you also knew that Dick’s sentient machine can distinguish good from evil but can’t speak in vowels. Upcoming: Braces has a new plan to annoy Dick Tracy. He findis the frequency that his garage door uses and then drives Dick nuts by randomly opening and closing it.

    The only real eye opener is – what? Can this be?? Spiderman???

  188. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]


  189. Renee J
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    I don’t really read Spider-Man (comic strip or comic book), but doesn’t Jonah have a wife? He appeared to have on in the movie.

  190. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    137 AFKaB: I wasn’t quite sure I understood Six Chix either, but I think you’re probably right: the mother kangaroo is a bad parent because she keeps pens and pencils in the same pocket as her child. She must have recently stuck a pencil in there without looking and jabbed her kid in the eye.

    Curtis: 180 degrees by 180 degrees doesn’t really make sense, and nobody would say it that way. I suppose you can make a case for 180 degrees by 360 degrees (think of latitude and longitude on the Earth, where lines of longitude go 360 degrees all around the earth — from 180 west to 180 east — and lines of latitude go from 90 degrees above the equator to 90 degrees below the equator). But if you mean “shaped like a sphere”, then just say “shaped like a sphere”.

    Sorry for the pedantry, but I have a long-standing pet peeve about vague and slightly nonsensical assertions in mathematics. They occur sometimes in textbooks and in classrooms, causing students to feel dumb when the fault is actually with the original assertion itself.

    –And on previewing, I see I got scooped. Great minds and all that.

  191. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    My Spider senses tell me that the MW story line will revolve around the coach pushing his kid too hard. Meddler Mary to the rescue. She flies to “Pleasant Lake” in upstate NY (can’t say “Lake Placid”, because it would show that Moy or Giella actually took time to look up where those Olypmics took place). Due to Mary’s intervention, his kid quits skating and loses all interest in life until she teams up with a blonde, a brunette and they form a goth trio that writes songs about werewolves and vampires.

  192. Angry Kem
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, NowImABat. That looks pretty likely; the style seems to match. I’m just glad it’s satire and not someone trying to be flattering.

  193. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps on Flyspeck island they build a (generically) double covering of their spherical orks to help ensure their seaworthiness.

  194. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    #186 One-Eyed Wolfdog – WordPress mangles a lot of special characters, so your best bet is always to use HTML symbol codes. The Φ and Θ characters are Φ and Θ, respectively (case is important with the Greek symbol codes, mind you, but not with most of them.)

  195. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    #72 – Mary, I was going to post something similar. Good to call BS on Lynn’s lack of historical reference. She should have made John say “She looks like Shania Twain.” and Elle responds “Who?”

    I’m also brimming with rage at Lynn’s plot line consisting of “Senior Saint Patterson was a blatant male chauvanist back in the day.”

  196. jamoche
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    #114: Teenage girls’ clothes and measurements have nothing in common. She’d know she wore 7 in brand X, 9 in brand Y, and would have to take three different sizes to the dressing room in brand Z, but measurements? Nope.

  197. AmazingThor
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    I just want you guys to know that because of this site I’ve begun scrutinizing the daily comic strips. My family is getting worried because it now takes me 45 minutes to finish the comics page.

  198. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    If FBORFW is going to use the expression “male chauvinistic pig”, I look forward to future strips that say “honky” and “jive turkey”, use CB lingo, and mention Pet Rocks.

  199. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Curtis – I couldn’t help but notice that those boards were not drawn as if they were on a sphere like a beach ball. They were drawn in the oblique, as if it were a table top turned on its side. Since Gunk only specified two measurements and Curtis said “round”, not “spherical”, I can’t imagine how this vertical round slab of wood is anything like a beach ball. I also noted that the ladder doesn’t lead to the door. What the hell? It’s simple geometry, guys.

  200. Amateur
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    As a longtime skating fan, I’m just looking forward to the endless and entertaining stream of bloopers that every media outlet — movies, TV shows, and now, without a doubt, comic strips — always makes about skating. (See also “The Cutting Edge” with its patented Move-that-Would-Have-Put-Moira-Kelly-in-the-Hospital-with-Incurable-Paralysis, or, as I believe they officially called it, the Pemchenko.) I promise to keep you all regularly annoyed informed as long as the MW storyline lasts.

    (You’ve never tarred and feathered a commenter yet, right?)

  201. CanuckDownSouth
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Adding to 196-jamoche, no clothing sizes for teens or women have anything to do with actual measurements. PLUS even if he’s selecting from sized patterns, telling him something like “I’m a 5″ won’t help. Clothing pattern sizes are wildly out of sync with the sizes on labels in clothing stores. All discussions I’ve read blame store brands for reducing the label number for the same size clothing pieces, which the patterns have either not done, or not done as much.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve even seen ladies’ jeans sold by waist size (and even then, some brands labelled it by your actual waist size, and some by the actual circumference of the jeans – which required adding one or two inches to your waist measurement).

  202. CanuckDownSouth
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    200-Amateur I wouldn’t worry about tarring. Regular rants on a topic seem to be taken as charming eccentricities ’round here.

  203. Amateur
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    #202 Canuck — looks like I’ve come to the right place, then. :-)

  204. Joe Btfsplk
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Hagar – Hagar is saddened by his mates’ failure to understand the withering blast of sarcasm that he has just fired at the clueless waiter.

    Or, alternately, Hagar’s background as a Viking marauder has become completely irrelevant now, and the crew really is shocked that he’s not ordering his customary mojito before dinner. Panel Two should have Hagar marching that waiter to the table at swordpoint with four tankards of mead and an order to keep ‘em coming.

    Spider-Man – Well, we saw her in the tub a few episodes ago, and she had legs then, so we know she’s not a mermaid, like in Splash. I won’t be too harsh on her, though; I confess I wouldn’t know what to do with a lobster if I had one in front of me either.

    Dick Traze-r – Oh, this is bad. It takes days for any of these guys to complete a sentence even in the normal flow of conversation. Now if he actually hesitates to say something…

  205. Red Greenback
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: What Would Brian Boitano Do?

  206. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    You know, we snark endlessly about the amazing ability of Rex Morgan and Spiderman to apprehend villians with no effort whatsoever on their part. But I just watched “Superman Returns”, and he didn’t apprehend any, either. Two died by accident, Lex Luthor and his girlfriend escaped and one was killed by Superman’s kid. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but c’mon, Supe, you got upstaged by a 5 year old.

  207. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Hagar: I meant a Long Island Iced Tea!

  208. ladadog
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    # 135: Warning for Mr. Fable

    Whatever you do, don’t read the Dining In section of today’s NY Times.
    I realize the above sentence might be too tempting to pass up, but, all I can tell you is there are adorable pictures of goats, and some…recipes.

  209. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood sure is excited about the President serving him food. But does this indicate that Dithers is still paying him the same salary that he made in the 1930s? All that and an occasional kick in the ass. Maybe it’s time to look for a new job, Dag.

  210. P
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think this plot is going to be Dad abuses superstar athelete (AKA David Archuleta.)

    Slightly off topic, I’m surpised nobody in Canada put “How could 5,205,334 people be so STUPID?” on the front page. (BTW, I’m not from Canada.)

  211. anon
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: huh, you would think that a steam punk death star would have been done with a bit more flair

  212. Harry Worth
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    I think that Mary is going to get caught up in a scheme to help this schmo’s talentless daughter.

    He is going to enlist Mary to go down to the rink and kneecap the favorite.

    Mary will do it to because she owes Coach Griffin a favor. It isn’t every guy who will pleasure Mary in “that” way.

  213. gh
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    #205 Red Greenback –

    A Triple Putz?

  214. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Maria: You!
    JJJ: You who?
    Waiter: Certainly. Here. (Puts a bottle of chocolate milk on the table).

    Minor pet peeve: The voice comes from Maria’s left, she does a head fake and turns right.

    So how sex starved is this Maria Lopez anyway? She’s sweating up Spiderman, JJJ, Big Time and the Lobster. I’d like to hear the Lobster speak up. “Gee, this is awkward.”

  215. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    #200 Amateur – Looking forward to your snark. It’s always fun to watch someone who knows the subject rip into the people who Did Not Do The Research.

  216. Comcis Fan
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    I’m very pleased to see that Hilary and Faye have a new friend, and that her name isn’t Becky. In the spirit of 4Evah Eva, will this group be called Nona Ur Bizness? Are we going to see a return, soon, of Ted’s new friend, Aria?

  217. spike
    October 15th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    #173 Dingo: With Mary Worth, it’ll be Murder, She Caused. Elderly men, take flight!

    Without a doubt, you’ll be on the Float next week!

    #177 boojum **cough** Nibelungenlied **cough**

  218. Hogenmogen
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    #137 – Artist FKA Ben – that was a great S-M quip.

    “Maria is a very attractive woman. How can her prospects be narrowed down to Flattop Hitler and a load who did time for stealing Flava Flav’s bling?”


  219. Amateur
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    #214 Hogenmogen — Ha! Good one. I tried for half the morning to think of a punchline for “You who?” and finally had to give up. Clearly, I’m not nearly caffeinated enough.

  220. Alex W.
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    It appears as if Marmaduke has rabies. Buffoonery is sure to follow.

  221. Al of the Christian Single Jungle Patrol
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    SM — Wouldn’t a half-sphere be more ideally suited for an Ork than a full sphere? Stability, displacement, and all that, you know…

  222. Sallied Fourth
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    How much you want to bet that Hilary and Faye’s new friend’s mom will show up, and it will be. ..

    wait for it. . .


    The really awkward thing is that she is going to show up in the hot tub with Ted

    and Sally

    and Carol

    and Alice

    and Bob

  223. Niall
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    On clothes: not only would teenage girls not know them, they’d be useless, as was pointed out. Sadly, men’s clothes are starting to go the same way.

    I went to H&M in Minneapolis and finally found jeans that fit and flattered me. Bought two pair. A year later, one had a rip in the knee. I went to the Toronto store, made sure I had the same cut, the same style, and the same waist and inseam measurements. They’re noticeably bigger that I need a belt – if I don’t, just dancing gets them to eventually pass below my hips. (Yes, I did test this. At home.) So the exact same thing from the same manufacturer and the same store is different in time. Despair! Woe! Hélas!

    (I washed them twice in hot water and dried in the hottest air setting; normally I only wash in cold and dry in the lowest temperature. They didn’t shrink at all. For once that I wanted lower quality material…)

    About the only measurement women may need to be done accurately would be chest size, so they either can get exactly what they need – or can find out that nothing exists for their actual needs…

  224. Chyron HR
    October 15th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    #139 – Niall: Pluggers: live in small towns only. Nothing past a hundred people. These calls all come from “The Outside”, a place pluggers go as infrequently as possible.

    Actually, Joey Bear made the Outside disappear when he was born. Now the citizens of Pluggersville must live their lives according to his Republican ideal of smug small-town superiority, or get wished away into “Herb & Jamaal”.

  225. CanuckDownSouth
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    223-Niall I read an article where they measured old (and essentially unworn) and new ladies’ khakis from Gap. In the new pair (only a few years after the first pair), the same pants (cut, style, fabric, color) was 2 inches wider in circumference for the same label size.

  226. Michael
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Curtis The problem with spherical watercraft is that they’re be completely unstable. They’d bob around, rotating this way and that, and tossing anything in the interior against any internal fittings. Ships’ hulls are oblong for a good reason.

  227. ScienceGiant
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    #244 – You know you’re a plugger when… You refer to non-natives as “Outlanders,” and consider sacrificing them to He Who Wlaks Behind the Rows.

  228. PeteMoss
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    You’re a plugger if your jean size is 180 degrees x 180 degrees x 30″.

  229. Duckman30
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    H&J (10/14/08) – When did Tom Batiuk start ghostwriting Herb and Jamaal?

  230. bats :[
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    131. Johnny Boston: I don’t think Lio is that malevolent. I just think his last name is Addams.

    184. NowImABat: nice detective work!

    223. Niall: you think a guy who dances and looks pretty hawt is going to get sympathy over a pair of pants that threatens to drop whenever he cuts the rug? Here? Perish the thought! :)

  231. Bootsy
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    Amateur and RJE (first timers), welcome! Name tags on the table, punch and cookies over there, Dope (TM) from wherever you can find it among this motley crew.

  232. SchrodingersDuck
    October 15th, 2008 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: I initially misread Dolly as saying “Did all your bridesmaids just come from a porn?”. I suppose it makes sense that the Keanes would have a wild, orgiastic nudist wedding ceremony, complete with porn-star bridesmaids and best man (you do not want to know where he kept the rings!), before giving up the wild lifestyle for Christian suburban bliss and occasional swinging.

  233. Poteet
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    # 146 Amateur — I join the “welcome” chorus! And I assure you that you will never regret your decision to start following (or resume following) MARY WORTH. Well, not enough that you’ll be able to tear yourself free from it, and that’s what counts.

  234. Poteet
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    # 166 RJE — Welcome! I don’t follow S-M myself, but I do recommend “The Vulture” if you have a taste for the bizarre.

  235. Steve C.
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    #167 & #175: I think I’ve figured it out — H&J is secretly a strip about a massive suburban orgy of polymorphous perversity, and all the strips we see are the brief moments of exhausted repartee in between penetrations, explorations and other such naughty things that can’t be shown in family papers. That’s the reason for all the maddening unspecificness… they’re all, in the words of George Carlin, silly from fucking.

    What tipped me off was the fluidity of Jamaal’s head. Presumably the entirety of the cast are refugees from Brian Yuzna’s sex-mutant flick SOCIETY. Which means some day we’ll see Herb, Jamaal or someone else with their ass where their face should be. I, for one, can’t wait.

  236. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Did all your bridesmaids just come from a porn?
    At first I was skeptical that Dolly would know that word, but then she probably thinks fairy tales start out “Once a porno time…” so who knows.

  237. Daveh
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann- First it was Brad not getting it with Toni, now it’s Gunter not getting it with Luann. One wonders if there has been a sever industrial spill and Testosterone inhibitors have seeped into the water. How the hell did any of them get conceived?

  238. IrishLass
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Thanks for having me on the show. I’m glad to be here.

    I don’t read all the comics (yet, but give me time), however I have comments on a few:

    9CL: Am I the only one who saw that person in the mirror/reflection as Edda in a wedding dress? And if Edda and Amos play like they are making love (as Seth said), will they no longer have musical talent if they do the deed? Or will it make them even more spectacular musicians?

    PBS: I can relate to that outfielder!

    SF: I also think Nona’s mom is going to be Aria. And when the kids all hang together, Ted will be forced to spend even MORE time with Aria.

    What do you all think?

  239. yellojkt
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    #84 Weaselboy: You can never have too many Wallace Shawn movie allusions.

  240. messybessy
    October 15th, 2008 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    It looks to me like Maria has finished skarfing and is brushing her teeth in panel one. See how she’s showing off what a good job she’s done in the next panel? Isn’t she looking kissable?

  241. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    #238 IrishLass re: 9CL – Interesting thought, but that’s clearly the tit-ular character from Pibgorn, Brooke McEldowney’s other strip. Still, it’s not like that would make things any more confusing.

  242. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:24 pm [Reply]


    She’s walking in central Brussels. Right past the little pissing dude. And there’s nobody at all around. And very recently, she was settling down to sleep.

    Signs point to this being a dream sequence.

    I hate that I can recognize parts of that cursed, godforsaken city. gah. death to brussels.

  243. Alfred E. Neuman
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    #237 Daveh Re: Luann— Gunther is Luann’s latest gay-like “boyfriend” (remember Aaron?), so we can’t expect too much romance there. The only “Luann” characters who have shown any hints of sexuality are Luann’s hot ex-hippie mother, and my favorite comics character, the sweet, lovable, ravenously incestuous bisexual harridan, Bernice. If we could get Greg Evans to focus more on those two, we might get some more interesting strips.

  244. Cobra
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    Oh, that was Maria in the first panel? I thought Spider Man and Gil Thorp got caught in the transporter a la The Fly, and J. J. Jameson was questioning whether he was in an exclusive relationship with Marty Moon. (It even looks like JJ might have a light touch of the same body-warping disease that plagues so many arms and hands in the Gil Thorp universe.)

  245. Talking Squirrel
    October 15th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    #37 Erik says: “Actually, I find Jonah’s mad finger-pointing skills in panel two even scarier than Maria’s crazy food guzzling.”

    Indeed, he seems to be much more fixated on the antics of his amok hand than on Maria’s marauding mouth.

    Can’t blame him for trying to yank his wayward digit back much closer to his chest via sheer force of will. If it gets too much closer to Maria, it’s history.

  246. PunsKillPeople
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    The latest…excretion…of Herb and Jamaal confuses and disturbs me beyond all measure. What does it even mean?

    I believe I will found a cult around it. The sad thing is that this strip is so nonsensical that said cult would probably actually be marginally successful, and would probably also result in the eventual spawning of the Antichrist…

  247. Violet
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    Mama Keane: (thought bubble ) Dammit, I thought the one upside to having abysmally moronic children was that they’d never catch on about our high-school shotgun wedding and start asking awkward questions. (aloud) For God’s sake, Dolly, go put on some pants!

  248. Niall
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    230. bats :[ : *BLUSH* *laugh* Oh stoppit, I’m not “hawt” material. But thank you. Still, it can be a little annoying, if, um, it happens when I don’t want it to… ahem.

    225. CanuckDownSouth: I know it existed for women’s clothes, I was just saying it now happens to guys’ clothes, where supposedly sizes are supposed to be measurements… but not anymore.

    232 Schrodingers Duck: or maybe all the bridesmaids had worn American Apparel’s new flesh-coloured leotard. Draw your own genitals… I’m not kidding, and I’m not linking.

    238. IrishLass: welcome welcome! All snark is welcome, and bring a healthily weird sense of humour if you can. :)

    247. Violet: Yes, I also was perturbed this morning by the possibility of Dolly being bottomless. I had managed to wrench it out of my mind by going to work… but that never lasts around here. :)

  249. Shermy Glamrocker
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    I fear that look in Mary’s eyes means she’s been possessed by the spirit of Aldo Kelrast.

    After all, “Kelrast” means “Stalker.”

  250. Anonymous & Onymous
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Re: Angry Kem’s Margaret Thatcher

    A cursory Google search leads me to suspect the Sep. 1984 issue, for sale here. It seems to contain a “character sketch” of Thatcher as well as an article about Travolta’s fitness program.

  251. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    #228 PeteMossYou’re a plugger if your jean size is 180 degrees x 180 degrees x 30?.

    Best laugh I’ve had today, thanks!

  252. Charlene
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    225, in modern sizes a 36-inch bust measurement is a 6, sometimes an 8. In sewing pattern sizes (which date from the 70s, and include wedding dress sizes) a 36-inch bust measurement is a size 14.

    So when some jerk calls his wife “fat” for wearing a size 12 wedding dress, he’s really calling her fat for being size 4.

  253. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    #242 Les of the…
    Why you hating on Brussels?

    Actually, I’ve never been. I know I hate their sprouts, but I held some hope for the city itself.

  254. Angry Kem
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    #250 Anonymous & Onymous: Ooh, yes…that must be it. The Travolta article on the back of the Thatcher portrait definitely has a picture of the poor guy wearing one of those terrible exercise headbands. Nice work, Batman.

    Why the heck is that magazine selling for $85? It’s a magazine. Is the September 1984 Penthouse really that rare?

  255. erikagwen
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Upstate NY? Well, load up the car Jeff…good-bye Charterstone, helllloooooo Syracuse!

  256. Dimmer
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    “Death on the Installment Plan” is the title of Louis Ferdinand Celine’s second novel. A great book, unlike the comic book which rips it off without so much as a by your leave.

  257. Donkey Hotey
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    #254 Angry Kem – Unless I’m mistaken, that actually IS a rare edition of Penthouse because it’s the one featuring Tracy Lords — who, it was later discovered, was only 15 when she posed, thus making it arguably child porn. As a result, it’s much sought after (by both collectors and pervs, I guess).

  258. Donkey Hotey
    October 15th, 2008 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Oh yeah: Miss America, Vanessa Williams, was in it too.

  259. bitter law student
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I love Maria’s black lip gloss. Since it doesn’t seem to smear when you slather it with drawn butter it’s perfect for the girl on the go.

  260. IrishLass
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Niall: Thanks for the welcome! I do bring vast quantities of snark, as well as the healthy (?) ability to tell it like it is, or as my mother puts it, “bull in a china shop.” One of my job accomplishments this year has been teaching my elderly coworker how to say no in various ways to those who keep piling work upon her. This teacher now looks to me as a snark god.

    CommodoreJohn: Of course, with 9CL, things never goes as we think they will anyway!

  261. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    #253 Artist formerly,

    It’s not just Brussels it’s all of Belgium, which is a dysfunctional, corrupt little country which should not exist and, indeed, doesn’t want to.

    However, the last time I was in Brussels, my bike got run over by a truck, I could find no place to sleep, a one-legged junkie tried to steal the remains of my bike and the shouting match for this eventually lead to him producing a knife. The thing with the truck got the attention of the police, who told me that trucks have the right to be in the bike lane. The thing with the junkie did not get the attention of the police, despite being in the middle of the day in the train station where several employees were watching. It probably would have been my fault anyway, for being foreign.

    You know your day is going poorly when you realize that you’re going to have to punch a one-legged beggar.

  262. Angry Kem
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    #257 Donkey Hotey: Whoa…I own the wrong page of a rare edition of Penthouse. Dude.

  263. Niall
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]


    261 Les: Yeah, that’s Brussels. Belgium as a whole is interesting, but as a foreigner, you must have some idea of the stakes at play – kinda like with Canada. After all, the comics gods in Europe are Belgian, and they produced a healthy amount of the classics. It’s sad to see what it’s reduced to.

    Now, you want good bike lanes? Holland, I believe.

  264. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    #260 IrishLass – Indeed. Hmm, now I’m trying to decide whether it would be more desirable to kick the 9CL characters into Pibgorn‘s current plotline, or vice-versa…

  265. Paperback Rifler
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Hey all — Sorry for the low snark quality of the following item:

    So like most everyone, I was baffled by today’s 9 Chickweed Lane, and I thought that maybe borrowing text from other comics might help. So I tried it. It didn’t help. So it goes.

    Anyway, here is the experiment in its entirety. The one thing that I can hang my hat on is that at least nothing that I came up with made any less sense than the original. Probably.

  266. YouWho
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    #197 Me too. Not only am I hooked on the eternal utterance in Mary Worth & Spiderman, I’m also looking forward to Judge Parker’s daily skin flick. My only hope lies in a Funky intervention…

  267. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    Les@261, etc
    You have my sympathies for you bad experiences in Brussels and Belgium in general.

    I had a great time there, myself, eons ago — and it wasn’t just the waffles, though jeez, those are the best waffles anywhere, seriously. The beer-stewed rabbit is also good.

    Now, if Edda and Amos were on their way to Le Croisic, I could tell you all about my bad experiences there. I didn’t lose a bicycle or fight with a one-legged beggar, but I did sleep in a phone booth with four other people. Well not so much “sleep”. In any event, I can be fairly sure Le Croisic will never get mentioned in the funny papers.

  268. Toronto
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Earlier this evening, I read the first four issues of “Kick Ass” (a comic book, not likely to be converted to a daily strip any time soon on this continent.)

    So, now I’m thinking Gunther might have a secret life as a super hero.

  269. commodorejohn
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    #265 Paperback Rifler – I like the Hi & Lois version best, but the Agnes version, what with the talking billboard-thing, comes off like a more comprehensible Zippy The Pinhead.

  270. Toronto
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Paperback Rifler @ 265 – Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

  271. The Sparrow
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    #265 Paperback Rifler: That is full of awesome and win. The comics are not only funnier (including those from which you pilfered dialogue), but in a strange dreamlike way, make a lot of sense. 9 Phantom Lane now reads like a strange noir mystery, and 9 Boffo Lane has underlying themes of the surreal and a slow descent into madness. Or I may simply be sleep-deprived. But the existential awesomeness is still there. I salute you.

  272. Angry Kem
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    #265 Paperback Rifler: You made me laugh out loud several times. None of those actual comics made me laugh out loud once.

    I’ve got to say that 9 Popeye Lane is my favourite. I love the image of Edda wandering through the empty streets, occasionally uttering a forlorn “Quoick?”.

  273. Sobek
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    I look forward to future gags in the new Herb and Jamaal: “Hey Jamaal, have you heard about this new opiate-based recreational drug?”

  274. Toronto
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    A long time ago, when Chickweed was green
    There were more sorts of fantasies than you’ve ever seen
    They’d run around teasing, while Brooke skirted ’round porn
    But the weirdest of them all was the Unicorn.

    There were black coated Sisters, and pencil necked geeks
    Some vet’rin’ry assistants and some leopard briefs
    The cat, Thorax, and schoolgirls, but sure as there’s Pibgorn,
    The weirdest of them all was the Unicorn.

  275. The Sparrow
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    #272 Angry Kem: Yes. Although I have to say that 9 Mutts Lane was my favorite. I think I nearly bust a gut at the sight of Edda (or possibly that fairy-thing) oinking at the plight of the suffering pigs, and then continuing on her way. Reminded me of that Travelocity gnome: “I must warn them!!” And now, I must get to sleep before I start making even less sense.

  276. Niall
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    265 Paperback Rifler: your snark was its usual high quality. I particularly liked Phantom and Popeye – for the same reasons as Angry Kem. (Should I be worried we think in similar directions sometimes?) Gave me a good snicker before the melatonin strips make me pass out.

  277. texas buddha
    October 15th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Hey everybody,

    I’ve taken a break from my compulsive copyright violation of The Family Circus as I am for the moment fresh out of ideas. If you have any of your own you’d like to see drop me a comment and I’ll see what I can do.

    I did just post my postmortem of the 3rd presidential debate and it has at the bottom of it a tiny silly little poll that you are welcome to chime in on if you feel like it.

    the post below that is a sort of home improvement blog for paranoids. Sort of a This Old House for the New World Order obsessed.


  278. Lisa
    October 16th, 2008 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    9CL- Wow, I really started something with my original WTF question about today’s strip. I feel proud of myself… :o)

    Anyway, that looks like Edda to me in that second panel behind her…. is Pibgorn a ringer for her? I have only seen that strip a few times and I don’t remember her being that much of a double. But of course Pib is in color and 9 isn’t….

    so you all think this is a dream sequence, like the unicorn thing? time will tell….

  279. Lisa
    October 16th, 2008 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    I just went back and looked at the strip in question…. the wild hair is the only difference I see… the face structure is identical. Is Pib supposed to be an alter ego for Edda, like Superlative Girl?

  280. Angry Kem
    October 16th, 2008 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Well…the new 9CL strip indicates that Edda really was just walking through an utterly deserted city. The giant Pib remains unexplained.

    I wonder how many more weeks it will take Edda and Amos to get to the actual competition?

    Re. S-M: That is a big, veiny, incredibly scary hand. *Shudder*

  281. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 16th, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    P. Rifler — nice work. My favorites were Basset, Mutts, and Popeye.

  282. Master Mahan
    October 16th, 2008 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    Apparently J. Jonah Jameson doesn’t understand what a woman is trying to say when she deepthroats a ravioli.

  283. Tom
    October 16th, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    I think Maria has figured out a way to streamline the whole bulimia thing, she’s barfing and eating at the same time! Think of the time saved, not having to run to the bathroom. That gal’s a genius.

  284. TheRestlessMouse
    October 16th, 2008 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    At some point I might be persuaded to pay some small stipend to have a special version of joshreads, a version where I could get an extreme close-up of the images on mouseover, so I could figure out whether Maria in Spiderman has a mustache, an eating disorder, or is just poorly drawn.

    Technically, a mouseover effect something like this, only so close that you can see the fibers of newsprint;

  285. Jeff
    October 17th, 2008 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    Why does the downward spiral have to have anything to do with drugs or alcohol? Can’t the addiction be something a little funnier like cross dressing or an eating disorder? Better yet turn it around where Medical Marijuana works great to relieve depression. Now there’s an idea whos time has come. Works well with Tom’s suggestion, i.e. Streamlined Bulimia.

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    September 10th, 2013 at 12:08 am [Reply]

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