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WILL THEY SWOOP DOWN AND RESCUE THEIR HOT DOG MATES FROM THE FLAMES

Heathcliff, 5/27/13

The best thing about this Heathcliff is that it almost isn’t creepy. Like, we could just take it at what I’m pretty sure is meant to be face value: that Heathcliff celebrates the beginning of hot grilling seasons by getting up on the roof and throwing a bunch of hot dog buns into the air. (Side note: Do some people say “hot dog buns” and others “hot dog rolls”? Is it a regional thing? Am I weird for thinking “rolls” sounds off?) That would be … well, weird, but not unsettling. But in fact it doesn’t look like Heathcliff has thrown them at all. His arms are barely extended, certainly not enough to explain how far up the hot dog buns are. No, it looks like he really did release them, and they’re flying. They’re alive. The bread flapping like wings. Rustling. Raining crumbs down below. They’re free. They’re free. They’re free. Heathcliff stands, arms extended. The hot dog buns swoop and dive and trill their little song to each other. Grilling season …. has begun.

Slylock Fox, 5/27/13

I’m not even going to get into the extremely dubious physics behind the solution to today’s puzzle because I can’t stop thinking about who drove that car into the water. Because somebody’s dead, right? That playful octopus pushed aside the bloated corpse of Harry Ape or Buford Bull or some other nefarious land-beast, or maybe the octopus is on top of the drowned evil-doer, just draping his tentacles all over the poor guy’s stiffened limbs. And let’s not even talk about the fact that Slylock knew all about this, used his ratiocination to get to the beach before the robber even did, probably watched the car go into the water, watched it sink under. “Let’s take a leisurely walk up the road and get some scuba equipment, Max,” he said. “Things ought to be nice and safe for us down there in about, say, an hour.”

Mark Trail 5/27/13

Guys I … I don’t think Cherry knows where her shoulder is

227 responses to “WILL THEY SWOOP DOWN AND RESCUE THEIR HOT DOG MATES FROM THE FLAMES”

  1. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Frazz, A&J, LaCuc, Blondie, JUMBLE, 6Cx remember the fallen today, or at least the holiday. 6Cx wins.

    Frazz: ahhhh, Michigan weather jokes. the classics.

    Dilbert: goes furry. how, contemporary?

    Lio: o JOY!!!!! *rubs hands in glee*

    NAoQV: *gigglez*

    MG&G: no, it’s far more interesting.

    Bizarro & PMP both do fortune teller jokes, and fail miserably.

    SFx: if this involves tying the coins to the turtle, Poteet will be MUCH VEXED!!!

    RwO: o man. 0 for 2!

    SBp: is this a Tweet joke? oh, ok, I get it now. nm.

    R&R: *chuckle* well played.

    JP: they have a poacher? what next, an immersion circulator and some liquid nitrogen?

  2. Chyron HR
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    If you told me one of today’s comics would depict a bear taking it in the ass, my first guess would have been one of Woody Wilson’s strips.

  3. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .pegging. pegging him when he’s trashed.

    play safe, kids.

  4. wossname
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    MT – I was also going to point out that Cherry is pointing to her nose, not her shoulder. I think maybe that old grizzly got her cerebral cortex.

  5. revenge4Aldo
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Hey, a Patrick Swayze cameo!

  6. Col. Havoc
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    “Guys I … I don’t think Cherry knows where her shoulder is.”

    Or, the coloring guys got it wrong, that’s Mark’s hand, he’s greeting her like he always does–by touching her lightly on the nose, and…and…

    Cherry doesn’t know where her shoulder is.

  7. Mardou Fox
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    I thought that was Mark’s hand touching Cherry’s nose… you know, the standard way to greet your life-mate after they’ve almost been savaged by a giant bear, with a little lighthearted noseplay.

  8. Mardou Fox
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    P.S. In either case, Cherry is damned tough. One minute she’s lying on the ground being mauled by a bear, next minute she is on her feet with a big smile telling Mark she is OK!

  9. Hibbleton
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    MT: Actually, that’s Mark awkwardly playing with Cherry’s arm which the bear has ripped off at the shoulder. ‘Stop hitting yourself..ha, ha. Point to your ear..hee, hee.’

  10. Mmhmm
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    I’m going with:

    (a) yes, the coloring guy’s got it wrong, and that is Mark’s hand, not Cherry.

    (b) Mark is not affectionately caressing his paramour’s nose, but rather administering a road-side, “follow my finger” sobriety test, thinking to himself “it isn’t possible for someone to be this incompetent while sober.”

  11. Cayuga
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    SFx – Yeeeah … I’m pretty sure that tires don’t float. The air inside them is compressed, so it’s denser than usual. And then there’s all the rubber, and the metal rim….

    I have no joke here. I’m just pointing out a logical fallacy in a newspaper comic strip aimed at seven-year-olds. Which is sad, really, rather than funny.

  12. mman
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    So from today’s strip we can conclude that Cherry *IS* a trophy wife.

  13. Clint Brawny
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: but it’s not funny. Does that make the Beetle Bailey cast of characters real? God help us.

  14. Ratiocinator
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Josh, I wouldn’t be so quick to rule out the octopus. How do we know it didn’t climb out of the ocean, steal a car, use it to rob a bank, and then drive the vehicle back to his undersea lair? This is surely only the beginning of an invasion by the creatures of the sea, all of whom are eager to pillage and despoil the glorious post-human land society! Warn the world, Slylock & Max, before it’s too late!

    9CL: Whenever a Burber opens her mouth, this is the safest angle to view her from, if you value your sanity.

    ASM: Wouldn’t Spidey feel like an idiot (and I know that he is an idiot, but usually he doesn’t realize he is) if Dr. Lauren drowned because he grabbed her and jumped in the water, only telling her to hold her breath in mid-jump? The water isn’t even up to their ankles, so he could have given her more warning.

    FW: Oh Christ…look Darin or Darrin or however-the-crap you spell it, anybody who hasn’t been reading this strip for a relatively short time (i.e. five years or less) has got no idea why you’re so pissed at this guy, so just say “You date-raped my biological mother, that’s why I don’t want to do a reality show with you!” Right now Frank, and probably a lot of readers, think that you’re angry because “How dare you ask me to be on TV! You MONSTER!”

    RMMD: Isn’t that just classic Dr. Bruner?

  15. gleeb
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Slylock: This is assuming the octopus doesn’t whip out some jiu-jitsu to protect his grisbi.

    3-G: Hey, he appeared in one strip. That’s as much concern as any kid deserves. Plus, he has to get rid of that jacket.

    ‘shaft: Ed’s back. Hide the children.

    ‘bean: Nope, just drawing it out. Pad, Batiuk, pad!

    A Shadow Hangs over Spencer Farms: Again, Marie does all the work, and Abbey grabs all the credit.

    Dick: What? She doesn’t want to stick to the simplicity of the underwear-and-opera-gloves look?

    Pluggers: …would starve to death if wartime rationing were ever re-introduced.

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

  17. Downpuppy with Bacon
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    Today’s best line – “The eggs just came out of the poacher”, works well in any strip.

  18. DAS
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Cherry may not know where her shoulder is but Mark certainly doesn’t know where Cherry’s … well, I guess how that jok e gets completed depends on whether this blog is PG, R, NC-17 or X rated

  19. Liam
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-”Hey buddy, need a lift.”

    A3G-That is a great blank sheet of paper. That is so much better than the other paintings.

    JP-”I would need an attractive large breasted redhead to stay up all night comforting me.”

    Gasoline Alley-Sorry, Slim, but you’re stuck here with Walt forever.

    MT-That’s terrible having to shoot the bear two times.

    MT 2-Just take a needle and some thread to that jacket and the shoulder will be patched up in no time.

    MW-I’m going to get Mary Worth. Since she volunteers at the hospital she’ll be the only one with the medical knowledge to help you.

  20. Marc
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    A3G- Alrighty, so in the matter of 45 seconds strip time, Marty has completely changed clothes but hasn’t messed up one strand of hair on that dead animal she has on her head. Well done kid.

  21. Huckleberry Fink
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Dogs of C-Kennel: Hooray! Someone finally had the intestinal fortitude to turn the “all poodles are female” trope on its ear:

    http://www.creators.com/comics/dogs-of-c-kennel/106464.html

    I salute you, Mick and Mason Mastroianni. I also salute the myriad U.S. flags in today’s comics!

  22. Digger
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    MT: It looks like everything is going to be okay now. Well, except for the giant forest fire started by their propane stove. But the bear is gone, Cherry’s relatively okay and Shelley has learned to appreciate the great outdoors.

  23. Bunivasal
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Sly lock and Max nod to accomplice Otto Octopus. “I got rid of the driver just like you said, boss. Now it’s a 3 way split, right?” “Yeah, Otto. 3 way split. Say, uh, Max, you hungry? Because boy, could I use some… calamari.”

  24. Marc
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- I think the more important question is HOW and WHERE is the bear cub that momma grizzly was maulin Cherry to protect?

  25. Powers
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    “Hot dog roll” sounds just fine to me.

  26. billman
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1):

    I think you might get a kick out of today’s Argyle Sweater

  27. TheDiva
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: I personally have never referred to them as anything other than “buns,” although I have seen packaging that calls them “rolls”–especially if it’s the larger, thicker buns you use for bratwurst. Clearly the “soda/pop” juggernaut has swallowed up research funds which could be used to explore other important areas of regional culinary linguistics.

    MT: I’m in the camp that thinks this is a coloring error and that’s supposed to be Mark’s hand tapping Cherry’s nose in a condescendingly affectionate manner (“Heh heh, you girls and your tendency to get into mortal danger!”), mostly because I can’t imagine Cherry being that stupid. If it were Rusty or Kelly Welly, on the other hand…

  28. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    soon the majestic cat -god heathcliff will repeat his ascent to the rooftop and gather in the returning hot dog buns, this time laden with their charred pseudo-meat, and after his appetite is sated his loyal followers will receive their share of the bounty

    re: pibgore — the ted bundy of the comics page is playing with matches today. oo, *art*!

  29. Mooncattie
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Slylock – This is a big day for Max Mouse: “Screw the lug wrench AND this Sidekick jive! From now on, it’s French Cheese and Vegas Girls for me me me!”

    FW – The best part of this whole elongated business is that they are at Montoni’s and not one customer has come in. Not one pizza has gone out. Not one staffer has shown up to investigate. Yeah, there’s a reality show concept here, alright, but it’s nothing to do with Smirky Dad and Smirky Kid. It’s America’s Fast Food Failures! “That’s Westview, Ohio folks! Avoid at all costs! And after the break, we’re going north of the border to Honky Donky Donuts in Toronto!”

    MW – Those Orange Lollies in the mud at Woodstock, that freaky Five-Way at Altamont, inhaling McGuinn and McGuire’s entire stash of Borneo Gold at Monterey…and now a whorish Hand-Holding Daughter who keeps secrets! It looks like the 1960′s have finally caught up with Beth’s Mom!

  30. Rusty
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Hot dog buns here in CT, unless of course they are the New England style hot dog rolls (split top, connected like a loaf of white bread) that are the hipster alternative. The roll type are mandatory for making lobster rolls, the buns don’t look right.

  31. Huckleberry Fink
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Josh: “Let’s take a leisurely walk up the road and get some scuba equipment, Max,” he said. “Things ought to be nice and safe for us down there in about, say, an hour.”

    My Reeky Ratiocination tells me it’s been more than hour since the car was driven into the water. See the fish skeleton? It was an accomplice of the evil criminal mastermind who’s REALLY behind the heist: Bizarro Aquaman.

    Me enjoy stealing from people!

  32. Liam
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#24):

    It burned up in the fire.

  33. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @billman (#26): that would be a first.

    *goes to look*

    ok. I’ll give Hilburn TPH! a pass on the H8 for today.

  34. CanuckDownSouth
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#14): re FW: even more so, unless they read some interview with Batiuk, they won’t know he should be ticked off thinking “you got my mom pregnant in high school and didn’t stick around”. Certainly not positive but nowhere in the same league, especially since it *was* known that Frankie was from another school and might never even have known that Lisa was pregnant.

  35. Liam
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-”Look, Mr. Slylock, I can drive a car like you surface breathers too.”

  36. Liam
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-This is terrible. We have a horrible accident where the driver accidentally drove off a bridge and all Slylock is concerned with his stealing the money from the trunk.

  37. CanuckDownSouth
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    errgh. won’t know about the date rape and might know he should be ticked off thinking…

  38. Huckleberry Fink
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Free-range hot dog buns taste better than the ones that are locked up in cages.

    “I’ll have a soda pop with my hot dog rolls!”

  39. Illustrator Steve
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#27): I agree with you. My vote is with it being a coloring error. Better yet, let’s ask TRMT.

    MT …How ’bout it, TRMT? Is that Cherry’s right hand or is it Mark’s right hand with a miscolored cuff?

  40. Baka Gaijin
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#2): Oh you! Dingo would have had a much snappier comment than I.

    @Cayuga (#11): I debated making the same comment and felt the same shame.

    @TheDiva (#27) on Heathcliff: They’re called “American Hot Dog Buns” here and typically contain 4 buns per pack.

  41. Baka Gaijin
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#32): Nooooo! Say it ain’t so!

  42. Baka Gaijin
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    That Beth is dumber than I thought. She’s alarmed when she sees her mother keeling over. Mama Kinley’s put this show on more nights than Cats on Broadway.

    Awww, poor bear. She was just trying to eat a Cherry, Mark. [insert naaaasty comment here].

    Missing Garfield regret: Eating Jon, including his clothes and furniture.

  43. TheDiva
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    9CL: Today’s McEldowney-to-human translation:
    “BOOBS!”
    This has been today’s McEldowney-to-human translation.

    A3G: So Margo gets the handsome James Bond, and LuAnn gets the choice of a) the scuzzy governor who doesn’t do anything or b) the shell-shocked neglectful-father veteran. That hardly seems fair.

    C’shaft: Oooh, look at those nice, sharp blades, so open and exposed where they can horribly maim any repulsive misanthrope who has a habit of mishandling dangerous equipment…gives you a warm feeling, doesn’t it?

    FW: The story so far:
    Frankie: I’m your real dad! Come talk with me!
    Darin: No!
    Jess: Go talk with your bio-dad.
    Darin: No!
    Jess: Please?
    Darin: Okay!
    Frank: Son! Come be in our weak parody of a reality series!
    Darin: No!
    Lenny: Please?
    Jess: No!
    Frank: Pretty please with sugar on top?
    Darin: No!
    (Stage 3…Profit?)

    Lio: You have my attention, Mr. Tatulli. (And hopefully, not that of Bill Watterston’s lawyers.)

    Luann: The good news: We’ve gotten off praising Luann for being a super special paragon of inner beauty. The bad news: We’re starting in on praising Gunther for being a wonderful amazing Nice Guy who all women should love because he’s such a Nice Guy.

    Marvin: So that’s why Crankshaft’s mowing the lawn today: Marvin stole his running gag.

    MW: Calling it right now, this is going to end up with a “boy who cried wolf” scenario. (Or if you prefer, a Redd Foxx scenario.)

    Pibgorn: Calling it right now, Dru will endure all 1,001 deaths, sneer at McStrawtroll for not being able to break her, then pummel him into the ground. This will allow Brooke to do the two things he does best: 1) create many lovingly and suggestively drawn images of a beautiful woman being tortured, and 2) mock his audience for daring to suggest there might be any sexual subtext to his art.

    Phantom: Relax, they’re just moving the clip art.

    SM: Because if there’s one thing spiders do well, it’s swim against heavy currents. That’s why they do so well in toilets.

  44. Bill
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL: Cherry also has a right hand on the end of her left arm! Were her hands severed in some horrible accident and somehow reattached wrong?

    Perhaps a “fill dirt” back-story is being set up.

  45. Baka Gaijin
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43): I think this Lio is a rerun. No law dogs caught it the first time, so relax and enjoy the show. I won’t spoil the ending (SPOILER ALERT: The storyline ends.)

  46. Cloudbuster
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#9): That’s horrible! … I giggled.

  47. Cloudbuster
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: If the next 999 days of Pibgorn are Dru being tortured and murdered in inventive ways, I … I will not be at all surprised. But Nicola McEldowney should pack her puppets and get herself back to France, or someplace else far away from Brooke, as quickly as possible.

    A3G: It’s so very hard to tell in this strip, but is Shulock trying to hint that Marty’s dad is looney tunes?

    RMMD: Poachers! Does Mark Trail know about this? Maybe Rusty can get some pictures!

    MW: Now what would be really funny was if Beth just stood there and said “Ha! Now I’m finally rid of the old bat!”

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43):

    Phantom: Relax, they’re just moving the clip art.

    Ghost-who-doesn’t-understand-GIMP?

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    *does happy dance for figuring out how to quote a phrase*

  50. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    mc e has female family that will claim him?

  51. Marc
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    9CL & FW- Could these two be any fucking lazier? We’re entering at least week 3 of the same exact shit every single day.

  52. Little Blue Bicycle
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    I’m really disappointed that Mark Trail doesn’t also include a bird flying upside down.

  53. John C Fremont
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#y123): Rex’s Great Gay Golf Game? That’s where I came in! Memories…

  54. Tophat
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Actually, I’m more concerned that this seems very out of character for Mark. He’s asking about the physical well being of his wife, when he should be trying to catch that grizzly bear so he can ride it into the forest fire to punch out the flames. “Yeah, great, you’re alive or whatever,” Mark says darkly. “It’s motherfucking bear time.”

  55. Illustrator Steve
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    MT:
    A forest fire has destroyed the entire Slumber Mountain wilderness area,
    Cherry shoulder and her favorite North Face jacket have been mutilated by a grizzly bear,
    Wes broke his foot while crashing his airplane,
    The mother grizzly has succumbed to the infection Mark’s grazing bullet caused, An hysterical Shelley who has lost her mind has adopted the wild bear cub,
    Mark is pissed to find out there is no longer a propane stove for Cherry to cook his PANCAKES on!

    MT2: The next morning Mark rethinks what Bill Ellis is expecting of him and decides the only way left to make this an enjoyable camping trip for the Thompsons is by taking them on a hike along the mountain’s top edge of it’s smouldering volcano’s rim now that Slumber mointain’s inner fury has been awakened by not only the forest fire but all of the screaming that what was going on all night long (as shown below).
    “OOOOH, MY FOOT!”
    “OOOOH, MY SHOULDER IS DETACHED AND JACKET IS RUINED!”
    “OOOO LOOKY DA WIDDLE PRETTY BABY BEAR CUBBY!”
    “WHAT?! NO #@!#!! PANCAKES!!”

  56. Rusty
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#50): The pretensions don’t fall far from the tree.

  57. Zerowolf
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: God as my witness, I thought hotdog buns could fly.

  58. Nekrotzar
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Come on, Josh, are you really unfamiliar with the classic Memorial Day tradition of hot dog roll skeet shooting?

  59. damanoid
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail is suspiciously good at shooting bears in the butt so as to startle them into motion without doing serious injury. Clearly Mark practices the “Disney’s Wonderful World of Nature” method of wildlife photography.

  60. Illustrator Steve
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MT – “Okay, folks. Now that we’ve trashed this place sufficiently it’s time we moved on to the next phase of your camping trip experience…Shelley? Wes? would you mind getting inside these big wooden barrels and hold on tight while I roll them over the edge of Angle Falls for you?”

  61. Illustrator Steve
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    ANGEL FALLS, not Angle falls!!!!!

  62. Brad
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Are we sure that car wasn’t already underewater before it crashed? I can’t look at that octopus and not imagine him slurring “What sheems to be tha prahblem offisher?”

  63. Majicou
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Born Loser: Well, at least one comic has the basic fucking decency to have its WWI veterans be dead.

    Crock: Have you ever had to stop typing because the point broke off your keyboard?

    FW: With special panel two guest artist Dick Locher.

  64. Walker of Dog
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Cayuga (#11): The good news is that Shylock has a better compressed-air receptacle handy. Oh, Max…

  65. Zerowolf
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    FW: Mary Worth called, she said, “Move the plot along.”

  66. BeckoningChasm
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I would suggest that’s Mark’s hand, having suffered the dreaded “Colorist’s Prank.”

  67. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

  68. ratnerstar
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Healthcliff is clearly using cat-magic to keep those buns suspended in mid-air until he judges it time to open the grilling season. Have you noticed Healthcliff is larger than that kid? Have you read The Master and Margarita? Draw your own conclusions.

  69. Baka Gaijin
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#57): Oh no! COTW contender spotted.

    @damanoid (#59): I’d pay him to be my Disney World walkway clearer. Graze thse fat assed moo-cows and standing beer bellies blocking the way to the twirling teacups.

  70. J. Robert Oppenheimer
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Octopi have arms, not tentacles, Josh.

  71. A New Day
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    I say it’s Mark’s hand. Also, I’m pretty sure this is the most affection he’s ever showed her. That must be why Cherry looks so happy, in spite of the searing pain, the upcoming rabies shots, and the probable infection-and-amputation. Hey, Shelley – ain’t nature grand?

  72. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    MT — In CherrySpeak, “pretty good” translates to “dang, my jacket will need some minor repair.”

  73. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    In the ongoing competition between 9CL and FW for Worst Storyline, I have to give the edge to Brooke for now. But it’s usually a tough call.

  74. Zemto
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Surprised that no one has commented on Red & Rover’s Memorial Day tribute to D-Day veteran James Doohan.

  75. Halfwreck
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    H&L – Now help me change my shirt again.

  76. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    (Side note: Do some people say “hot dog buns” and others “hot dog rolls”? Is it a regional thing? Am I weird for thinking “rolls” sounds off?)

    Could the phraseology (and the whole trippy Memorial Day scene) be a nod to “Summertime Rolls” by the notoriously drug-addled Jane’s Addiction?

    (Hint: No, it could not.)

  77. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#73): the ‘fw’ plot at least had potential to be something more than wanking material. batiuk sure threw that away, though

    (think the drought is over? i shouldn’t be anywhere near a computer right now, but…)

  78. Walker of Dog
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Thanks, Josh. Now I’m going to have that John Williams fanfare stuck in my head all day.

    MT: Only Original Cherry is stupid. One of her dissociated personalities, a therapy-dog trainer, is indicating that Cherry has correctly identified her shoulder. Treat!

    JP: Another night in the hole for Thalia.

    MW: Fortunately a standby ambulance is stationed at Charterstone around the clock. Cha-ching!

  79. UnclGhost
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    If that’s supposed to be her right hand, I don’t think [i]I[/i] know where her shoulder is.

  80. Kelsey
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    I’ve lived everywhere. It’s buns.

  81. ralph
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: Far and away my favorite depiction of Edda thus far: the top-third, from the back. We don’t get to see her breasts, but who believes we would anyway. This could be renamed 9 Pricktease Lane. And even that’s an exaggeration because I don’t believe a single “erotic” thing has occurred in this strip from a reader’s standpoint since I’ve been reading it. The three female characters are mildly sexy but they pale compared to the original Ms. Buxley

    9CL: I love the color and drawing in these water scenes. The drawing today is very casual, yet credible. Much as I hate to say it, the inanity of the dialog adds some spice to the images.

    9CL: I see that every day or so someone is posting that Brooke is seriously fucked up and in need of help. Maybe the web strip (which I ignore) but 9CL is just eye rolling material. Imagine Robert Crumb in the daily paper. It would never actually appear as editors would pull it every day. Imagine the graphic novel folks in general. Pull down a random volume in that section in your library and you will find porn, violence, and monumental self-pity. Same with manga creators. I have a particular complaint with Chris Ware who is (a) immensely talented, (b) obviously has never heard of wastebaskets, and (c) is so incredibly whiny that he makes Charlie Brown seem well-adjusted. As far as mental health is concerned, 9CL rates no worse than a misdemeanor.

  82. Anonymous
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: “San Francisco Bay” is Peter Parker’s pet name for his sexual organ.

  83. KreatureFeatures
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    With an equal mix of pride and shame, I claim #82.

  84. Walker of Dog
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Nevermind! Hold on!”
    (to receptionist) “Lady, if you don’t have a passable German accent and a familiarity with casement bearings, you and I are going to have a problem.”

    AS-M: “Let’s go, Doc – you can BTHANGK me later!”

    Plug: Look how ashamed the she-Plugger is. Their old phone number was from the house that she accidentally burned down when she used a lamp to keep her eggs warm while she was at the casino. If only she’d been a dutiful mother.
    This has been a message from the Traditional Values Coalition.

  85. Mikey
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Blondie- Look’s like Spiderman is much more effective in this strip than in his own. The AMAZING Spider-Man!

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @J. Robert Oppenheimer (#70): hentai wouldn’t lie to me like that.

  87. UncleJeff
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    ralph@81: I don’t know, Ralph. If Brooke lived next door to me, I would probably have already alerted the police, the local sexual violence response team and a squadron of psychiatrists for an involuntary intervention. And I’d have already dropped by WalMart to get a shotgun and some ammo.

    Disappointed that “Classic Peanuts” didn’t run one of Shulz’s Bill Mauldin tributes.

    Garfield: This is my hot dog. This is my bun. (Naw. Better not finish that one).

  88. greghousesgf
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    I usually say rolls but I know a lot of people say buns. The weirdest variation i ever heard was someone who always said hamburger buns and hot dog rolls.

  89. I am Jack's username
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Slylock: It’s the expression of the purple fish that tells the true story – the horror, the mute, frozen incomprehension. “Oh, God, he… ate him. That eight-legged monster just swallowed him whole. Why is no one doing anything? The cops look HAPPY?! Oh, Lord, no. Now he’s pretending to drive! Stop beeping the horn!”

  90. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#14): re: Slylock: That depends: Is this Ollie Octopus, or Outlaw Octopus?

    A3G: Geez, Marty’s dad is kind of a dick, isn’t he? At least it’s a level playing field: “Brush-off-Dad” Cole vs. “Come out to play” Peter Russo.

    MW: Once this “plot” is resolved, perhaps Beth can help her mother find some hobby to fill her time. I recommend community theater.

  91. I am Jack's username
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Look at the good-natured contempt in Mark’s face in the final panel! “Oh, you! The smoke inhalation and bear-induced concussion have you all dangerously bamboozled,” he smirks. Suddenly, he panics! “You’re not going to… kiss me now, are you?”

  92. dyslexic dog
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Glancing at Slylock before the eye floaters had a chance to settle down, I first read the last sentence as “How may a rope and lug wrench found in the car’s trunk offer a solution to the duo’s diarrhea?”
    I’ve never had a rope and lug wrench fail me before.

  93. I am Jack's username
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#68):
    Does Marmaduke work for Heathcliff?

  94. ralph
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#87): Again, I refer only to 9CL, which I find annoying but harmless. If I lived next to Chris Ware I would take it for granted that there would be regular neighborhood clearings by the authorities as they attempted to prevent him from harming himself. Of course there’s always the possibility that he’s just getting his weird kicks by presenting himself as the ultimate Charlie Brown. Why anyone would do that, I leave to the psychiatrists. If I lived next to Brooke I would probably move because of the regular demonstrations outside by feminists and traditionalists who had encountered Pibgorn. If I had children and lived next to Brooke or pretty much any graphic novelist or underground cartoonist I would take it more seriously and get the hell out of there.

    I think Schulz only featured Bill Mauldin on Veteran’s Day, but there was no doubt that he revered the man.

    MT: You-all better clear out before the authorities show up and pop you for nicking that bear. And (ahem) the small matter of setting the whole damn valley on fire.

  95. Pocket
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    That’s what Heathcliff looked like to me too. Given the level of absurdity we’ve seen in this feature so far, I could believe that that was the intent. Like it’s supposed to mimic the ceremonial releasing of a crate full of white doves at events.

    There was a time when comics were allowed to be this absurd all the time without being questioned. And now in the Internet age, where “random” has become a popular style of humor, we can appreciate it again, if only in an ironic way by pretending we’ve misinterpreted the joke.

  96. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @ralph (#81): well, yeah, mc e’s work can be really interesting in a lot of good ways – and yeah, ’9cl’ is mostly just silly. but i find ‘pibgorn’ to be really disgusting in almost every way but the actual draftsmanship and color work

    i also agree with you re: chris ware. “life is so wanly sad”

    & on a different note, snoopy usually goes over to bill mauldin’s for root beer on veteran’s day

  97. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @I am Jack’s username (#89): they see him floatin’, they throwin’ candy. . . .

  98. bbofun
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    SLYLOCK- I think you’re all missing what’s happened here. Slylock, after years of seeing the criminals he’s captured by virtue of his superior brain power being released just to commit more crimes (how many times does he have to capture Reeky Rat or Count Weirdly before they’re put away for good?) has finally snapped, turning his intellect to crime. He masterminded the robbery, and had Ollie Octopus drive the getaway car into the ocean. Max, of course, went along with it- Slylock’s the only one to take him seriously. Tremble, world- for Slylock Fox will not be stopped!

    A3G- So, her dad is kind of a jerk, huh? And here I was thinking that he was going to become the governor’s romantic rival.

    PHANTOM- The balloon is an illusion of some sort? Is Mandrake going to start appearing in the daily strips, too? because that would be pretty damn awesome.

    9CL- The only way this makes sense is if the excitement of Seth being in the water with them caused Edda’s breasts to spontaneously reject her bikini top. (Also, Seth’s a big fellow- if he had cannonballed into the water behind them. wouldn’t there be a fairly loud sound and a big splash?)

  99. NoahSnark
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Cherry is treating being attacked by a bear as a routine trip to the maul.

  100. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#98):

    The only way this makes sense is if the excitement of Seth being in the water with them caused Edda’s breasts to spontaneously reject her bikini top.

    Sven. and DUH!

    *insert Zits SPANG! SFx here*

  101. Mikey
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    MW-So Elinor’s only two emotions are disdain and feigning death. I bet Beth’s romance novels are killer after growing up through that coupled with the fact that Beth’s dad left shortly (i.e. minutes) after she was concieved.

  102. A-wel Cruiz
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean:To the tune of Thriller by Michael Jackson, and with apologies to Doug Walker.

    CUZ THIS IS FILLER! FILLING UP THE TIME! CUZ THREE PANELS A DAY IS JUST TOO LONG FOR UNCREATIVE MINDS! HOO HOO!

    Seriously, I’ve seen David Lynch movies paced better than this. In the immortal words of Monty Python, “GET ON WITH IT!”

  103. Fashion Police
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    We are thrilled beyond belief that Mr. Slylock Fox is so dashing he wears his opera cape even with scuba gear, and that it billows out fetchingly under water. Style over substance, sir, style over substance. You have our deepest admiration.

  104. Johnny Knuckles
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @BeckoningChasm (#66): Colorist obviously has never seen a prior instance of Mark tenderly touching Cherry’s nose…or any other bodily part.

  105. remmy
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#81):
    You are keeping in mind that McE is an incredibly pompous ass, had an entire year of Nazi hand fucking, and bored the shit out of people for doing an entire month of Edda and a talking unicorn. He deserves all the shit people pile on him.

  106. Calico
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    So they ARE bread products!
    I’ll have to see which word we use here in QC – buns or rolls. I recently signed up online to win a BBQ (not like we need one, but hey, it could be an awesome gift for someone) through the makers of Pom breads and rolls – they call their prods “Burger buns” and “Hot dog rolls.” The Co. is based in Ontario, I think.

  107. Morgan Wick
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Even if you take Heathcliff at face value, all those buns are now lying on the lawn with all the icky crap down there. Way to waste food, Heathcliff.

  108. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    H-Cliff: Hotdog buns fly free like doves. That’s beautiful, man.

    SFx: The getaway driver octopus certainly did his part to make it easier for Slylock. Probably just wants to be on TV.

    MT: Hey, as long as her nose still makes that “boop” noise when you touch it she can’t be too bad.

    FW: Yet another zinger. I’m beginning to suspect that Durwood and Jessica have forgotten how to use doors.

    JP: Is Thalia awake yet? I guess we’ll never know.

    RMMD: “Okay, I just heard someone whisper ‘dead man walking’. Who’s the wise guy?”

    BB: Sarge can just yell sound effects and it has the same effect as a full-on beating. Obviously he’s a secret defense project that the Pentagon foolishly left at Camp Swampy.

    DT: Ruh-roh.

    Shoe: “As far as I can recall, I once lasted almost five minutes with her.” See, that answer would have merited the goggle eyes of horror.

    FC: Wow, the idea of giving Billy a saw and Jeffy a hammer. I can’t even begin. Let me guess. Thel is pregnant again and they need to make room.

    Luann: Hmmm. No. Thank you, but no.

    S-M: We’ll thank you to keep that kind of filth to yourself, Parker.

    A3G: All due respect to a veteran on Memorial Day, but where’s the fire, dude? Your daughter’s not trying to show you a sixty-piece portfolio.

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#98):

    A3G- So, her dad is kind of a jerk, huh? And here I was thinking that he was going to become the governor’s romantic rival.

    These things are not mutually exclusive.

  110. Calico
    May 27th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m a little surprised Woody didn’t do a MD strip (Memorial Day).

  111. chengdu tours
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    I do agree with all the concepts you’ve introduced in your post. They are really convincing and will definitely work. Nonetheless, the posts are too quick for beginners. May you please lengthen them a little from subsequent time? Thank you for the post.

    Also! Please to enjoy amusing panda picture.

    [Stupid spam delinked except for amusing panda picture, which is amusing, and blacklisted. Stupid spam. -- UL]

  112. Baka Gaijin
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#107): Feed the rolls to Jeffy Keene. He likes food with icky crap on it.

    Warning: do not click link while eating, preparing to eat, or after eating.

    @chengdu tours (#111): Mmm! Spam!http://joshreads.com/?p=18116#comment-1544887

  113. midtown
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: Special guest appearance today by a balding Dick Tracy.

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#101): Let’s spare a thought for her dad. He only left because he thought his wife had died in the middle of sex. He certainly wouldn’t expect a child to result.

  115. KreatureFeatures
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @chengdu tours (#111): I agree, Calico’s 12-word post may indeed be “too quick for beginners.” But before you going demanding that Calico “lengthen them a little from subsequent time,” I think, at the very least, you should offer up some amusing panda pictures in exchange.

  116. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#114): wait, are we talking about FW again?

  117. Jim in Wisc.
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: So, the one comic strip that’s nominally about the men and women who serve in our military does absolutely nothing to honor Memorial Day. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since the History Channel is honoring our fallen veterans with a “Pawn Stars” marathon.

  118. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#115): yeah, like this, only, y’know, amusing.

  119. John C Fremont
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @chengdu tours (#111): Thanks, Uncle Lumpy!

  120. tallyHO
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff

    What must the neighbors think?

    hooooot dog buns in flight/
    afternoon delight!

    //has anyone watched the new Arrested Development season? Good/Bad/Mediocre?

  121. Shrug, Creaking a Bit Himself in This Weather
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#114):

    “Zits: I honestly thought all that “dinka-doinka” business was Jeremy’s bedsprings creaking while he was doing the nasty with Sarah. . .”

    I think last week’s ZITS running “joke” should have stuck around a bit longer:

    Sarah: “No, I am not doing the nasty with you.”

    Jeremy: “WHY NOT???”

  122. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 27th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#81): 9CL becomes a lot more disturbing when you see it in juxtaposition with the stuff that goes on in Pibgorn. (And vice versa, for that matter.) Tittering (heh) jokes about fantasizing about people sexually look a lot creepier when you realize that the same cartoonist is carefully, and even lovingly, depicting the sexual torture of women in his other comic.

  123. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    (More accurately, that should be “sexualized torture” – that is, he’s not torturing them in overtly sexual ways, but rather that he’s offering up their torture as fodder for sexual gratification.)

  124. TheDiva
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#122): Exactly. I get the impression that the only reason 9CL is is fairly tame in comparison to Pibgorn is because McEldowney can get away with less in a syndicated newspaper strip than he can with a webcomic. That may make the former more tolerable by comparison, but it’s not really a credit to the author’s restraint.

  125. Dale
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    What IS the obsession with old?

    What SCARED the bear? It wasn’t really hit, just some flying fur.
    It couldn’t hear the shot in the middle of a forest fire.
    Which way would it run: lake where it was headed before Cherry decided to run towards its cub, back into the fire, up an occupied tree?

  126. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#98): Slylock … has finally snapped, turning his intellect to crime. He masterminded the robbery, and had Ollie Octopus drive the getaway car into the ocean.

    And the bag of coins? This new Napoleon of Crime knocked over a laundromat, I presume, or maybe a video game arcade?

  127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#120): AAARRRGGGHHH!

    and I had tried so hard to keep that tune out of my head.

  128. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#117): Beetle Bailey: So, the one comic strip that’s nominally about the men and women who serve in our military does absolutely nothing to honor Memorial Day.

    And that is just fine by me. I’m a veteran myself, and I’m sick of the jelly-bellied flag-flappers gassing on about what heroes we all were. If there are fellow vets out there who like that sort of thing, you are welcome to my share.

  129. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#120): Re: Arrested Development: Not yet, since I don’t have “streaming” on Netflix. But I’m thinking of subscribing just for a month to see AD. I read that it’s an “anthology”: You can watch the episodes in any order. They had to do it that way because they couldn’t get everyone together for a full shooting schedule.

  130. Mikey
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#114): True..hadn’t gone there…actually, after that post I had to take a shower to clean my soul..eeeuuuulllllggghhhh!!! Still not clean!!!!

  131. chengdu tours, take two
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @chengdu tours (#111):

    So! Beg to please lengthener the posts and no resulting but insult and neuter as spam Uncle Lumpy does I get. Just for that, next time SULLEN panda pictures!

  132. Liam
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    MW-”That’s it you, old bag, fake another heart attack. I’ll get help after I spend a few hours with my man Tom Harpman.”

    Beetle Bailey-”If this was real he would be in a lot more pain.”

    Hagar the Horrible-At least he is honest about these guys going to die.

  133. Liam
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#129):

    Thanks for that info about needing to subscribe to Netflix’s streaming to watch Arrested Development. Every article that I’ve read about Arrested Development never said whether or not you need to subscribe to the streaming.

  134. Oregonian
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    The 2013 competition for “Least Realistic Portrayal of Scuba Diving” is heating up! Slylock Fox is coming on strong, but the smart money is still on Mark Trail.

  135. bbofun
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#126): Hey, even dwarfs started small. (Dwarfs? Dwarves? Dwarfs!)(Obligatory INTO THE WOODS reference.)

    Or maybe it’s a coin collection? Yeah, that makes more sense.

  136. Shrug or Twitch? You Decide.
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#27):

    “Clearly the “soda/pop” juggernaut has swallowed up research funds which could be used to explore other important areas of regional culinary linguistics.”

    Fear not: against all odds, the Dictionary of American Regional English has received a massive influx of funding, and will be able to continue its fine work.

    http://tinyurl.com/qgk95g4

    On the “roll” vs. “bun” issue, I visualize Jelly Bun Morton singing a bawdy song about a roll in the oven resulting from a bun in the hay. . . .

  137. Amos Snarkadder
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MW Paging Dr. Jeff Corey! Dr. Corey to Apartment 3B. Code Mauve: Old lady faking it. Paging Dr. Jeff Corey!

    FW Augh! The indignation! I’ll hate myself in the morning, but I think I’d like to see the smirks back.

    FC Nap? Aw, Daddy, you mean we’re building a coffin for nuthin’?

  138. Amos Snarkadder
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43):

    LuAnn gets the choice of a) the scuzzy governor who doesn’t do anything or b) the shell-shocked neglectful-father veteran. That hardly seems fair.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#90):

    A3G: Geez, Marty’s dad is kind of a dick, isn’t he? At least it’s a level playing field: “Brush-off-Dad” Cole vs. “Come out to play” Peter Russo.

    No sympathy! LuAnn had her chance with cult crown prince Peter Linski!

  139. Amos Snarkadder
    May 27th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#138): Oy! Cult crown prince Paul Linski!

  140. seismic-2
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: A standing joke herein has been that all the male characters in this strip look alike – the blond guy or the black-haired guy, both with the generic face. On Friday, however, we were introduced to “Cole”, who not only doesn’t look like anyone else in the strip, but also doesn’t even look like himself, from panel to panel. His hair changes length (see Saturday), and his face alters. In today’s strip, maybe we see why – in Panel 2, he shows himself to be the late Frank Gorshin. His constantly changing appearance in the previous panels was just another in his masterful series of impressions. Of course, the possibility that he is an alien shape-shifter cannot be dismissed, since Marty has inherited his ability of changing her hairstyle between panels and altering her wardrobe completely while she is still wearing it.

    Either that, or in the ultimate example of going meta, one of Lu Ann’s least talented students has taken over the inking chores on the strip of which they are a part.

  141. Calico
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#115):
    Shit, I was only trying to help. *cries*

    Seriously, a longtime friend of mine moved to China recently-good thing he prefers veggie cuisine over animal flesh. He seems to be enjoying life there with his American wife..lots of metal music and fascinating culture.

    Now back to those Turkish garage doors…

  142. Calico
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#115):
    Here, I’ll help!
    //www.vancouversun.com/travel/Harper%2Bplayed%2Bpapa%2Bpanda%2Bexchange/8142691/story.html&h=400&w=620&sz=37&tbnid=Jt-WDUqB4n8ZLM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=140&zoom=1&usg=__RSZlUczl1jFeMb6vLT2zY3Qrkus=&docid=HzR_N3bM41j0lM&sa=X&ei=jb-jUeDtHoS0ygH_5YHQCQ&sqi=2&ved=0CDUQ9QEwAg&dur=0

  143. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: Not now, Marty. Later. Put the envelope down, I’ll look at it later. Is this strip really about people with crippling emotional problems that prevent them from demonstrating affection from their loved ones? Don’t be daft! Apt. 3-G belongs to the weird squiggles on the wall and the strange ballets they imagine for their “humans” with their “emotions” and what-not.

    Archie looks waaaay too enthusiastic about being stranded on an isolated road with Jughead.

    Beetle Bailey: Paradox bait: if wouldn’t be funny if it were real, but it’s not funny, so it’s real, except we know it’s not real, so it must be funny, except…

    Blondie: Give Dagwood this: he didn’t pick Spiderman.

    Pibgorn: I say we take up a collection and buy Brooke a lifetime membership to a BDSM website where he can…work out his issues safely and without bothering the rest of us. Failing that, we send somebody to break all his pens.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Does anyone else suspect that Avery is going to collapse from infectedgymmatitis in Rex’s office?

    Slylock Fox: Aaand Bob Weber Jr. just gave McEldowney a starter idea for his next horror strip.

  144. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#139): a3g, having cults and blue people, is only an oyster away from having a cool name for a band. . . .

  145. Advanced Garage Technology Yerevan
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#141): Ինչու անհանգստացնել թուրքական աղբի. Հայ ավտոտնակ դուռ հեռավոր են A1 best! Հարցնել ցածր ծախսերի ֆինանսավորման տարբերակներ.

    @chengdu tours (#111): Panda լուսանկար. Սիրողական.

  146. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#143): “The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife” predates Mr. Weber Jr. by a century and a half or so.

    (google with caution, if you don’t already know the artwork in question!)

  147. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    It’s going to be tentacle porn, isn’t it. I feel like I’m being set up for tentacle porn. Possibly fish porn, but now I’m getting into exactly the kind of headspace I’m trying to avoid.

  148. Doctor Bombay
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Mark, I’m glad you’re safe! When we get back to Lost Forest, I’ll show you where the bear “bit” me! Ok, Cherry, that would be interesting to see and I am sure Rusty and Doc would be interested in seeing it too.”

  149. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    May 27th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @A-wel Cruiz (#102): You win the internets today.

  150. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#147): it’s the progenitor of the genre, you might say.

  151. tallyHO
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#127):

    I’m sorry. It is just that I’ve been trying to get it out of my head.

    Dang you, Heathcliff! Why must you be so damn evocative?!? [/walter matthau waving fist and wearing a cardigan]

  152. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#116): Not in this case, but I can see you could get there.

  153. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#147): I’ve seen the print to which @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#146): refers, and all I have to say is: Wow, you’re good.

  154. Majicou
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#100): Now, now, that’s a perfectly understandable error. Men in the Greater Chickweed Abyss only come in two models, really: Pseudo-Intellectual Dweeb and Triangular Beefcake. Some customization, such as hair color, is possible, but options are really quite limited. Sven, of course, is missing many of the usual expansion modules that would allow him, for instance, to carry on a conversation, but I hardly think the Burberhive can be blamed for that. Those add-ons are how they get you.

  155. tallyHO
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#129):

    Well, if you get a chance to see it, I do hope it is good.

    Part of my thing is all of the episodes are done and dumped out there. Now I don’t feel obligated to simply test one episode and patiently tell myself: maybe by next week they’ll make the next one better.

    If all of the episodes are done then I’d have to watch all of them whether I like them or not. I’ll keep telling myself: that bad or odd joke will pay off later, for sure!

    argh. argh. arrrrrrr.

    So I really don’t want to even devote a little time to the show out of concern I’ll devote too much time to something lackluster. (i’ve done that before. Right, fancy dance shoes that I never ever polished or used properly*?)

    *the first time they were on the feet; after that, it was just table top Charlie Chaplin imitations. Such a waste. Not that I can dance, mind you.
    Actually, I guess that was the lackluster part of it all: I actually tried to dance and couldn’t.

    Oh well. Better to be winsome than to lose some.

  156. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#150): The problem with that print is that Hokusai was a great master, and, apparently, also an accomplished perv. This may lead to certain other people to believe they can imitate him successfully.

    This is a mistake.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#153): Damn I’m good for guessing tentacle porn, or damn Hokusai is good for perpetrating creating the genre?

  157. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#147): I feel like I’m being set up for tentacle porn.

    “Tentacle porn,” Indiana sighed. “It had to be tentacle porn.”

  158. Mr. O'Malley
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug or Twitch? You Decide. (#136): Bessie Smith recorded a song that went:

    I need a little sugar in my bowl
    I need a little hotdog between my roll

    Evidence that people were using the term “hot dog roll” back in the 1930s.

  159. ralph
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL and other objectionable pen and ink work: But I don’t read the sex/torture web comic. You people who are so appalled by it do, or you at least check in occasionally to confirm that it’s still nasty. I read the one which could be considered a parody of romance novels, and I only started reading that because of the cow story. I continue to read it because on any given day I can at least laugh at the cast, be annoyed by the depiction of rural life, or appreciate the art. Few of the comics I read are as likely to have something each day to make it worth the few seconds spent scanning them.

    I stand by my comments about the general run of hot shower-requiring pen and ink work–particularly in underground comics and graphic novels. If Pibgorn is worse than what is standardly found in some of these, then you ought to be hassling GoComics and wherever else it appears to ban it. I recall that in one of the “Best American Comics” yearbooks there was a story in which a little girl had a stick run lengthways through her torso (nude?) in preparation for barbequing over an open fire. Good clean emotionally stable fun! (And not much worse, if worse, than the way Crumb depicted pre-teen and junior high girls being used.) If Brooke needs intervention, then he has lots of company.

    Of course I object to the sort of thing that you all depict Pibgorn as being, but, the state and tastes of society being what they are, I don’t see anything to be done about it other than refusing to financially subsidize Brooke’s efforts. (It IS nice to see the obvious peer pressure against anyone posting here about actually liking Pibgorn.)

    Back when I was in art school there was a girl who specialized in horror images. A friend of mine, looking at one, said, “I’m glad that stuff is in her head and not in mine.” I went to a show with my sister, and she admired one of the images. I pointed out the disturbing title, and, horrified, she said “What is WRONG with that guy?” (The guy in question was a full professor, and “disturbing” was a reliable description of his various works.) (Yes, I know, I’ve told one or both of these stories before.)

  160. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#157): Judges would have also accepted “sea snakes.”

  161. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#154): in a previous thread, a ‘mudgeon whom I fail to remember was referring to your second option as “Sveth”, which I found quite amusing.

  162. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#160): *wonders idly if anyone has done Ron/Aragog*

  163. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#159): You know what they say about train wrecks?

  164. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#162): **Blessedly unaware of that situation.**

  165. Peanut Gallery
    May 27th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @J. Robert Oppenheimer (#70): Well, I looked that up and learned something new today. But as long as we’re being sticklers, the plural of “octopus” is not “octopi”. ;-)

  166. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

  167. Peanut Gallery
    May 27th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – I wonder if Milton will run afoul of the rule some medical offices have against cell phones. Or maybe cell phone interference will screw up his EKG somehow?

  168. Mr. O'Malley
    May 27th, 2013 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#165): Who decided that octopus was third declension and not second declension? One of those Swedes?

  169. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 27th, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#168): Who decided that octopus was third declension and not second declension? One of those Swedes?

    The OED has the plural as octopodes, as it is from the Greek, rather than Latin. (They also allow the Anglicised octopuses). Latin declensions don’t matter, I guess, in this instance.

    // Their first citation of octopus in English was from the 16thC, so this can’t be blamed on Linnaeus

  170. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 27th, 2013 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#31): My Reeky Ratiocination tells me it’s been more than hour since the car was driven into the water. See the fish skeleton? It was an accomplice of the evil criminal mastermind who’s REALLY behind the heist: Bizarro Aquaman.

    Nice to know Aquaman’s former sidekick Topo the Octopus has once again found gainful employment. Even if it does mean he’s working for the opposition!

  171. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Per certain comments above, I wouldn’t mind so much if 9CL were openly and unashamedly set on a distant planet (maybe called Brookeworld) and featured alien beings who had some vague resemblance to humans but were not human. Then Brooke could do whatever he liked with them, including giving them purple wings or turning them into giant copulating lizards whenever it suited his fancy.

    But instead these 9CL creatures are supposed to be human beings, and he throws in references to NYC, southern New Hampshire, WW II, and on at least one occasion, Iowa. Our planet does not deserve this.

  172. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#171): Poteet, as much as I like you, and as much as I am tempted, I am NOT going to GIMP up that visual.

  173. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#171): You unknowingly referenced one of my favorite Jimmy Olsen covers from the late 1960s:

    http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090112134421/marvel_dc/images/0/00/Jimmy_Olsen_Vol_1_105.jpg

  174. bats :[
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#88): the crappy white bread things are buns. The items with some heft and substance, maybe with a sprinkling of seeds, and that can withstand the juiciest of wieners or the rarest of burgers, with all the accoutrements, is a roll.

  175. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#161): Re: 9CL Sveth

    Why, that was my portmanteau!

    Remember when Brooke needed another male dancer standing on stage in order to help pull Amos up so that he could land in Edda’s crotch, so suddenly for two strips there was an identical clone of Seth, who disappeared as soon as Amos landed? I suppose his name was probably Sean or Scot.

    One of the things I love to hate about the strip is the way the author will obviously lose track of the plot and just meander away, never to return. This is now week three of the “Burbers fantasize about Sveth” story arc, and we clearly aren’t getting back to the Smuckler brothers, the purloined sirloin, or the sick cow who suddenly got better for no reason any time soon.

  176. Ratiocinator
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Bunivasal (#23): “Nice try, suckers!” And with that, Otto deployed an ink bomb and swam away with all of the loot. Slylock cursed his growling stomach and his big mouth.

    @CanuckDownSouth (#34): Oh boy…what has actually been revealed in the strip itself, and how long ago, do you know?

    @TheDiva (#43):

    Today’s McEldowney-to-human translation:
    “BOOBS!”
    This has been today’s McEldowney-to-human translation.

    Brooke, I swear to you by all that is holy and all that is not that if he tries to horn in on Judge Parker‘s territory, I will make it my life’s mission to acquire a working voodoo doll of you and will keep it in boiling water 24/7!

    The bad news: We’re starting in on praising Gunther for being a wonderful amazing Nice Guy who all women should love because he’s such a Nice Guy.

    I haven’t been reading this strip as long as other people here, so I need to ask: is Gunther really that bad? Because he doesn’t seem that bad so far, to me, but I may have just not seen him at his worst. I mean, the Burbers didn’t seem so bad to me at first, but I eventually grew to loathe them.

    Anyway, my understanding of the Nice Guy thing was that it was a guy who thought “If I hang around this girl or woman I like and keep doing nice things for her, then eventually she’ll beg to be more than friends and drag me into her bedroom and I’ll get to have sex with her (which is the only reason I’m bothering to spend time with her in the first place, because why would I ever want to be just friends with an attractive member of the opposite sex?), and if she doesn’t put out then she’s a stuck-up bitch and a horrible person.” Which is obviously a fucked up way of thinking, but is that Gunther? Because he’s already done something that Nice Guys typically don’t do: he asked the girl out.

  177. bats :[
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#96): I’m on strip 130 or something of the current storyline in Pibgorn (saving them to read for some hoped-for cohesiveness, seriously giving them time every three-four weeks or so), and the plot is thin (nearly to the point of non-existence in some cases and extraordinarily hard to follow (I had about 13 strips that I needed to collate, gathered from different sites (so different URLs, and it was a freakin’ bear*). Old Lynnie Johston said that you have to read between the panels, since this is just a 30-second glimpse into the characters’ lives (out of a longer day), and I guess BMcE’s lives are just jam-packed and rollicking…

    * Cherry should have it so bad.

  178. bats :[
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    Josh, can we get a meta-post on the Ruben Awards? Thanks!

  179. Ratiocinator
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43): Argh, once again I should’ve previewed! “Brooke, I swear to you by all that is holy and all that is not that if you try to horn in on Judge Parker‘s territory, I will make it my life’s mission to acquire a working voodoo doll of you and will keep it in boiling water 24/7!”

    I really hope that what I originally wrote didn’t give you the idea that I wanted to acquire a working TheDiva voodoo doll. >_>

  180. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#175): Not to mention the whole debacle where Nicole Cignet hired another dancer in the company to be their new face and just used Edda for butt shots, then the other dancer disappeared and Edda was the sole model for the company and we were treated to three weeks at least of lingerie fashion spreads until the bosses decided to fire her for being too sexy or something. Why yes, that sentence did have to be run-on.

  181. Beetle Bumstead
    May 27th, 2013 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Given Cherry’s name and expertise in anatomy, I would love to see her expression the next time they page Mike Hunt when she’s shopping at Wal-Mart.

  182. Ratiocinator
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#47):

    RMMD: Poachers! Does Mark Trail know about this? Maybe Rusty can get some pictures!

    I almost posted a joke about how Marie was referring to exactly that type of poacher, and that this poacher-as-in-a-person-who-hunts-endangered-animals could somehow lay eggs despite being otherwise human, and that the Drivers were keeping this poacher captive and eating the eggs that he laid, and that on this particular morning the eggs weren’t coming out, so Marie had to assist in getting them out of the poacher’s egg-laying orifice.

    Then I decided not to.

    And then I decided to tell everybody about it just now, for some stupid reason.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#90):

    That depends: Is this Ollie Octopus, or Outlaw Octopus?

    Both; he’s only “Ollie” to his friends. If you’re not his friend, call him “Outlaw” instead of “Ollie”. Otherwise you’ll share the fate of that poor bank teller…

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#108):

    S-M: We’ll thank you to keep that kind of filth to yourself, Parker.

    How I wish Josh had covered Spider-Man today so I could nominate that for COTW!

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#143):

    Does anyone else suspect that Avery is going to collapse from infectedgymmatitis in Rex’s office?

    My prediction is that Rex will be testing him while he blathers on the phone, that somebody will say something which pisses him off and the negotiation turns into an argument, that he has a heart attack because of that, that Rex saves his life, and that afterwards Milton–shaken by his brush with death–decides to retire so he can stop and smell the roses.

    (But there will be no literal roses for him to smell, since it will be February of 2014 by then.)

    @bats :[ (#177): That much Pibgorn all at once cannot be healthy! 0_0

  183. TheDiva
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#176): You missed, among other things, the whole lead-up to the Gunther/Rosa relationship, where in spite of numerous and very obvious hints from Rosa that she was interested in dating him, Gunther persisted in stammering and dithering and general “But-but how can I talk to her? She’s a girl!” nonsense. (Why couldn’t Rosa make the first move and ask him out, you ask? Because of the reasons!) This came off less like awkwardness with the opposite sex and more like the behavior of the sort of person who keeps a lovingly tended shrine to Angelina Jolie in his bedroom.

    I consider Gunther a “Nice Guy” in the sense that he exhibits few appealing qualities beyond his theoretical niceness, and we’re expected to believe that this vaguely defined “nice” is supposed to be enough to make him a prime catch that any woman would kill for. He is, I think, how the “Nice Guy” as you describe him likes to think he is: “I’m a Nice Guy, it’s just women are too stuck up and shallow to get to know me and realize what a wonderful Nice Guy I am.”

  184. Peanut Gallery
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#182):

    @bats :[ (#177): That much Pibgorn all at once cannot be healthy! 0_0

    The strain is clearly taking its toll on poor bats :[ — she put two more left-parens than right-parens in that comment! See what reading Bigporn will do to you??

  185. seismic-2
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#183): “I’m a Nice Guy, it’s just women are too stuck up and shallow to get to know me and realize what a wonderful Nice Guy I am.”

    Well, that, plus the odor of all the dead hitchhikers buried in shallow graves in the back yard. Honestly, with his obsession on sewing costumes, doesn’t Gunther remind you of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs? I’m sure the graves are laid out in perfectly Cartesian grids, just like the pattern on all his shirts.

  186. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 27th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#185): Gunther is using the skins to sew a large bookworm suit. . . .

  187. Amos Snarkadder
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#144):

    a3g, having cults and blue people, is only an oyster away from having a cool name for a band. . . .

    And… More cowbell!

  188. cheech wizard
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    SFx – The real question here is, why isn’t Slylock taking the perp into custody? The answer is that, even if both he and Max slap the cuffs on him, the violator will still have four arms free, which is why he’s sitting their laughing at the silly shamus. He’d be doing even more, if octopi had fingers as well.

  189. Ratiocinator
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#183): Ah, okay. I can see how that could be annoying.

  190. COOLEST DUDE
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Anatomically the octopus’s mouth should be on the underside of it’s body where the legs intersect. The area that looks like a smiling mouth in the comic is probably just the gap between its head and a leg.

    What I’m saying is that the octopus is eating the driver and possibly developing a taste for mammal flesh.

  191. CanuckDownSouth
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#176): I haven’t been following long enough to know this stuff for sure. I don’t know what was shown in the original run with Lisa actually getting pregnant, but folks here pointed to some interviews with Batiuk saying it wasn’t consensual, and then noted that while he’s put that in interviews, he didn’t put it in the strip. Commenters have also pointed out the strip with Summer watching a videotape by her mom, saying she wasn’t in love with the dad of the kid she put up for adoption – hardly an accusation of date rape. So I’m going off of that. The situation in the strip as I understand it isn’t worse than “jock gets a chance with low self-esteem mousy girl from another school; she gets pregnant and Les helps her deal with her decision to give the kid up; the jock is not around”.

  192. Hyhybt
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    If Heathcliff’s hot dog rolls/buns are alive and flying, still, don’t feel too bad about eating them. After all, if *we* don’t, the flying toasters will.

  193. Mr. O'Malley
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169): As the name of a species, octopus is a New Latin word. According to the article, it is third declension, but it would make more sense to have it be second declension.

  194. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#191): somewhere, it might have been ‘son of stuck funky’, i saw an original daily strip where a pregnant lisa tracks frankie down at a bar somewhere and he pretty much tells her to get lost. i can’t imagine that back in the day batiuk would have had the guts to get very detailed about *how* frankie got her pregnant, so he has some wiggle room for retconning it into a date rape scenario. i think it’s all going to fizzle into smirks, grimaces and bad puns, pretty much like the current reality show detour

  195. TheDiva
    May 27th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#185): Yes, that’s the other thing: Gunther tends to come off as the sort of guy you see described on the evening news as “quiet and kept to himself, but he seemed like a decent sort of fellow.”

  196. Uncle Lumpy
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#183):

    Because of the reasons!

    I am writing that down. It explains so much!

  197. Erich Clapton
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#128): I totally concur. The thing that drives me to distraction is: “Thank you for your service.” “I didn’t do it for you, you fat-assed, nose-pickin’ POS!” I’m really a shy introvert. . . Then my wife ( a 30 year Navy captain) reminds me to take my meds (single malt) and calm down.

  198. Amos Snarkadder
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#137): Even when things look down, just turn that frown upside down and smirk, smirk, smirk.

    Darin couldn’t help it. And I couldn’t resist.

  199. Uncle Lumpy
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#191):

    … “jock gets a chance with low self-esteem mousy girl from another school; she gets pregnant and Les helps her deal with her decision to give the kid up; the jock is not around.”

    Pretty much: baaaaaad jock!

    There were dramatic possibilities in portraying Lisa accurately as a needy, self-obsessed, passive-aggressive manipulator who used poor, naïve Frankie to a) get profoundly, comprehensively, and satisfyingly laid, and b) shift all the blame clear out of town onto a hated rival.

    It would have been interesting to track Les’s no doubt slow realization that he was, is, and always will be no more than a willing tool: of Bull, of Lisa, of Summer, (“But not me”, says Cayla, “I could never do that!”) of Cayla.

    But Noooooo….

  200. Cloudbuster
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#199): (“But not me”, says Cayla, “I could never do that!”) of Cayla.

    Cayla: “Keep it in your pants and get to work, Les. That screenplay ain’t writing itself and I don’t plan to be the lowly wife of a sad-sack English teacher forever. No sex until after the screenplay is done.”

  201. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169): What does it say about my life that this is not the only place I’ve discussed the octopi/octopode question?

  202. Liam
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff-Pull!

    MT-That’s not a shoulder. That’s a nose.

  203. C.
    May 27th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Those Hot Dog rolls are going to chased by birds.

  204. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#77): Yep, I kinda think the drought is over. The nearest creek is really enthused now. So is the nearest river. *looks toward river a little nervously*

  205. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#172): And I don’t blame you one little bit:-).

  206. Sgt. Stoned
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Archie Andrews, Zen master.

    BB: It isn’t funny as a comic strip either.

    MW: Since we don’t yet know what Tom does for a living, maybe he is an undertaker and the first thing he and Beth do as a couple with be to drive a stake through the old bitch’s heart, bury her, and celebrate with a Charterstone Pool Party cum Wake.

    Momma: Kuche, Kirche, und Kinder? Jawohl, Frau Hobbs!

  207. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#173): Thank you — that is extremely fabulous. Tragically, I may have a nightmare tonight about “The World of 1,000 Dead Lisas.”

  208. Poteet
    May 27th, 2013 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#183): I agree with Uncle Lumpy. “Because of the reasons!” So explanatory, so useful. I intend to mutter it often.

  209. Huckleberry Fink
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#173): “Human Porcupine” Jimmy is such a prick!

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#201): What does it say about my life that this is not the only place I’ve discussed the octopi/octopode question?

    Why, I think it says you are a most refulgent fellow. I am quite jealous, as I have only discussed the topic here.

    // Going over to 4chan and fark to start flame war on the subject. Feel free to join in!

  211. tallyHO
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]


    Up
    Up and awaaaaaaay
    It’s those be-yoo-ti-ful
    edible
    flying hot dog rolls!
    Flying Hot Dog Rolls!

    It was that grilling time of year
    (we wait for Heathcliff’s release!)
    The celebration will start above our shoulders!
    He will let the rolls fly, my dear!
    (like our hearts say cheese)
    Picture how we’ve lasted so long without

    Flying Hot Dog Rolls!
    Flying Hot Dog Rolls!

    //I’m sure once in a while Heathcliff impersonates Burt Catarach.

  212. Droopy Says
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    The Anatomical Spiderman: And with that reference to spawning practices, the strip resumes its gay-porn innuendos.

    Family Circus: Billy, Kitty Kat is doing what everyone else does around you: close their eyes and hope you go away.

    Funky’s Flunkies: I’ll agree with Darrned on one point: this blows.

    Mark Trail: “Split up.” “Yeah. We can do more damage that way.”

  213. Huckleberry Fink
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#212):

    The gay-porn aspect of Spider-Man would shift into overdrive with the addition of Jimmy “Elastic Lad” Olsen and his stretchable wee wee.

    Is there a “Rule 34″ for Elastic Lad, Plastic Man, Mr. Fantastic or Elongated Man? Probably!

  214. Stretch Armstrong
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#213):

    That reminds me of the time Elastic Lad, Plastic Man, Mr. Fantastic and Elongated Man walked into a bar together…

  215. Poteet
    May 28th, 2013 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    MT — (With affection for MT and respect to TRMT, I just cannot resist, sorry…)

    “Greetings, Southern Ranger Station! We left a propane tank close to a campfire so it could get knocked down, and as a result we turned our campsite into an inferno! We also crashed a plane, which left a real mess, stole a canoe, and shot at one of the few grizzlies left in the lower forty-eight! It’s been a very eventful camping trip! But the good news is that we taught Shelley here to really enjoy being in the outdoors! Didn’t we, Shelley?”

    “Fuck you, Mark!”

  216. Poteet
    May 28th, 2013 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    FW — Hmm, interesting. It seems almost impossible that Plan B could be even stupider than Plan A, but I’ve underestimated Batiuk before.

  217. Poteet
    May 28th, 2013 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    JP — Well golly, I sure didn’t see THIS coming.

  218. Huckleberry Fink
    May 28th, 2013 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#211): I’m sure once in a while Heathcliff impersonates Burt Catarach.

    Heathcliff is more of a Barry Manxilow kind of guy.

  219. Huckleberry Fink
    May 28th, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#217): Food for thought: We only have Thalia’s — and Neddy’s — confirmation that “Ross” even exists. The man Neddy thought she knew could have been an imposter (someone NOT named “Ross” and NOT married to Thalia).

  220. Poteet
    May 28th, 2013 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#219): Ooh, that’s deep! And twisted! If it happens, I’ll remember you theorized it first.

  221. ralph
    May 28th, 2013 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#215): What sitcom was that a couple generations ago? “My idea of roughing it is black and white TV.”

  222. gleeb
    May 28th, 2013 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Ooh, Plan B. I hope it’s as well-thought-out as the reality teevee idea was. Now Batiuk is gonna get all serious and goofy.

    Abbey’s Tray: “But I only brought eggs and toast!” Marie’s gonna get a stern talking-to for not putting huge amounts of cash on that tray.

  223. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 28th, 2013 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    Oh dear! By Grabthar’s Hammer, by the Suns of Warvan, you must look at zombie Bloom County! Giant fanged Funky Winkerbeans!!!

  224. Ian
    May 28th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Guys, guys, the reason Heathcliff’s author refers to the comestibles as hot dog rolls is because “buns” is naughty slang for the human buttocks, and it would be inappropriate to use such language in a family publication.

  225. runauch
    May 28th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    I think Mark’s hand is out of frame at the bottom, pushing on Cherry’s. He’s about to start up with his “stop touching yourself” routine again. Cherry’s face says “not this again” but Mark obviously thinks this is how sex works.

  226. NickAtNite
    May 29th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    HEATHCLIFF:
    Is every house in this neighborhood aurora pink or majorelle? These people must get a toothache each time they look out the window.

    (See: http://joshreads.com/?p=18116, http://joshreads.com/?p=18076, http://joshreads.com/?p=16344)

  227. Kristian
    June 7th, 2013 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    MT: Under the circumstances we can be fairly sure it’s not the _cold_ shoulder. I’ll see myself out.

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