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This adventure has taught me that adventures are TERRIBLE

Mark Trail, 5/30/13

Well, all’s well that ended well for Mark and Cherry and Wes and Shelly! Someday Wes will be able to put weight on his inexpertly set ankle again, Cherry only got lightly mauled by a bear, and probably no more than a few hundred acres of protected forest went up in flames when the gang’s propane tank blew up. It was all worth it, though, if the end result was the final panel: Shelly weeping tears of glorious relief at being within range of a delicious, life-affirming cell phone connection one more.

Marvin, 5/30/13

Marvin’s dad, meanwhile, has encountered kindness in the form of an invitation from a co-worker whose existence is not defined by catering to a squalling, pooping hell-infant. He appears to have gone into shock as a result. Presumably the tears of relief will come later.

Heathcliff, 5/30/13

At first, I thought that the government of Heathcliff’s town had broken the sanitation workers’ union and replaced them all with non-human primates, but then I realized that this ape is apparently … delivering garbage cans? As described by talking owls? Anyway, this has been your daily installment in the Chronicles Of Heathcliff’s Descent Into Total Madness.

305 responses to “This adventure has taught me that adventures are TERRIBLE”

  1. Rodney King's Ghost
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y200): Shoe — Haha… it’s funny because the Joos and Xtians shouldn’t mingle!

    Can we all get along?

  2. AndyL
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    Maybe next Mark Trail can do a story that ends with a twenty-something saying “I did learn one thing : Video games are fun to play!”

  3. Ratiocinator
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    9CL: You know, when I first saw a 9 Chickweed Lane panel posted here by the esteemed Uncle Lumpy and was forming a first impression of the strip and hadn’t yet had time to get to know (and subsequently, dislike) the characters, I thought to myself “Hey, the guy who draws this is pretty good! Really nice art here.”

    That was before I saw any of them smile and show their teeth. If anybody ever smiled at me like that, I would run away from them as fast as I could.

    To put it another way, the Joker has got nothing on Fleurrie here when it comes to creepy smiling.

    FW: Why has Batiuk always–with the exception of once or twice–had these characters refer to it as a “reality TV show” instead of “reality show”? Nobody I have ever met in my life, or likely ever will meet, calls them that. It’s redundant. It’s like saying “I just wrote a post for my internet blog!”

    JP: Wow, for two days in a row now the third panel of this strip has had Thalia telling Abbey that her husband’s kidnappers will cut off a part of his body if they don’t get the money and both times Abbey’s had this look of complete indifference on her face.

    “Yes yes, they’re going to castrate your husband and you’re scared to death for him, whatever, you’re boring me to tears you know, I hope you realize that.”

  4. KreatureFeatures
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Yes, that’s it, Spiderman. Wrap the scientists in webbing, and finish the massing drownings that you started. Never again will these lab-coated geeks make mind-control gas from your milk-infused DNA.

  5. AndyL
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    …or, “This adventure did teach me one thing : You can look things up on the Internet!”

  6. LP2004
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#y222): Rex Morgan - This storyline is painful for anyone who actually knows what goes into designing, building, and testing spacecraft. But I recognize that that demographic makes up only a miniscule percentage of Rex Morgan’s readership, so I’ll just continue to shake my head at the sheer absurdity of the whole thing and see where Wilson takes it.

  7. Old Folkie
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    FW: Darin took so long to leave that Frankie beat him to it.

    9CL: My God, their smiles are as scary as their scowls!

  8. wossname
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    A3G – Do y’all think Lu Ann’s line was actually supposed to be “We don’t have to talk, Cole. I’ll just sit with you.”? Because this makes no sense, in a different way from the usual A3G making-no-sense. And if my theory is right, how did Shulock not notice?

  9. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”It would look bad if don’t save someone at least once in here. After all the comic is called ‘The Amazing Spiderman’.”

    A3G-The kitchen? I thought he was in the art gallery. Don’t art gallery have benches?

    FW-Wow! They really don’t like reality shows do they.

    JP-I can say it. It’s his penis.

    MT-”I’m just a weak city woman.”

    Pluggers-Pluggers like to run the same old tired joke into the ground.

  10. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    @Rodney King’s Ghost (#1): *sings a chorus of ‘National Brotherhood Week’*

  11. endless sky
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    FC: Billy, it would help if you begin your musical education by facing the piano. But maybe you’ll do better with your toes.

  12. terrapin
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    MT: In a just world, that last panel would have involved Smokey the Bear, a few choice bear curses, a lecture about fire safety, and two hard slaps in the face.

    Love is… nope. I got nothing. Usually something comes to mind right away, but nothing is coming to mind today.

  13. Chareth Cutestory
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: “Sure, let’s assign apes to perform undesirable job in our society,” they said. “They’ll never revolt,” they said.

  14. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    FW: “We can do this reality TV show with or without your cooperation!”

    Restraining order says:

    Frankie: OK, day 3. Off in the distance there — just over 100 yards away — that’s my illegitimate son. Yes, he’s … aha he’s getting into his car! Now we’re following him, maintaining our 100-yard minimum distance. It looks like he’s pulling to Burger King…. now the woman at the window is handing him a bag, and a drink … yes, it’s definitely a large drink! Possibly cola! This is making me hungry! Lisa and I went through Burger King the night I knocked her up. God, this brings back memories.

    You know, I’d say that’s about the worst reality (TV) show I could imagine. But I’ve seen reality shows. I never cease to be amazed at the crap people will watch.

  15. CanuckDownSouth
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    RMMD: So if the tests are unreliable, just how are you going to validate your crayon-scribbles-on-a-napkin redesign, Mr. CEO-with-delusions-of-engineering-grandeur?

    He’d be a lot less stressed if he actually delegated to the specialists whose job it is to figure this out. Probably does this elsewhere, too. Can’t just go to Starbucks, has to get behind the counter and instruct the baristas on the best way to make the macchiato he’s ordering.

  16. Ranger
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    9CL: insert obligatory fart joke here

  17. Anonymous
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    At least The Garbage Ape is real, it’s not some cult scam like The Great Pumpkin.

  18. pugfuggly
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    MT What? Usually, ‘put a damper on’ and ‘little adventure’ are phrases reserved for an unexpected rainshower on your way to the corner store, not a triple-helping of deadly happenstances in the middle of the woods.

    Also, could anyone explain to me how a cell-phone could have helped out in this story at all? Is there an app for keeping planes in the air, putting out forest fires or translating your intentions to angry bears?

    Marvin For those of you not in the know, a ‘Happy Meal’ is slang for oxycontin dissolved in a pint of vodka. It’s the only thing that helps poor dad face life at home.

    Heathcliff I guess human children get the eater bunny and cats get the garbage gorilla then?

  19. terrapin
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    JP: Obviously the word she can’t say is ‘finger’. On an unrelated topic, isn’t ‘wiener’ a funny word?

  20. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: …and the next four years of Pibgorn plot just fell neatly into place.

  21. Drewbear
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    MT: “…so that I can call the Parks and Wildlife Commission to come and charge you with arson for starting that horrific fire!”

    Marvin: The unspecified coworker is very obviously trying to entice Dad into some sort of shady con job/drug deal/terrifyingly deviant sex act, and yet immediately regrets the offer as he realizes that the mark has been shocked into paralysis by the thought of normal human contact.

    Heathcliff: I, for one, welcome our new simian overlords.

    Heathcliff 2: Is the Garbage Ape like the Tooth Fairy? Is there an entire union of semi-mythological creatures that do menial jobs? Are the Teamsters aware of this?

    Heathcliff 3: Note not just the talking owls, but also how “night” is encroaching upon the day like a cloud with distinct border. I’m more and more convinced that Heathcliff is some sort of reality bender who is altering the universe to match his own dada-ist whims.

  22. Dondi\'s Dad
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Among my concerns in Heathcliff is that the moon has been replaced a socket wrench. And while it is an old comics’ trope that cats love to tip over garbage cans, why would an ape be delivering it? Do they hope that a silent nocturnal hopping suburban sanitation ape may become a new comic touchstone they can return to? Has the pressure of running a poor second to Garfield all these years finally taken its toll? Guys, step back, take a deep breath, spend some time outside, then go back to drawing Heathcliff annoying mice and chasing she-cats, and just be grateful that you’re better than Marmaduke.

  23. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    @terrapin (#19): I don’t know what made me think of this, but how’s that mayoral contest in New York firming up?

  24. Holly Folly
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    I used to think that the real message behind Mark Trail was that nature was amazing, beautiful and worthy of our respect. Now however, I think the real message is, burn down the forests, it is the only way to be sure.

  25. Mumblix Grumph
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Crescent moon in ebony sky, obscured by the vacant blue. A simian far from home bounces garbage cans the color of a bleak house. A cat mesmerized with awe. Sentient owls hoot their commentary for an unseen audience. The horror…the horror.

  26. Dennis Jimenez
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    MT – Haven’t been following the storyline closely, but the tear-tatt means she shot a bear in the can, right?

    Marvin – Ah yes – the happy hour taco bar buffet at Murphey’s or as it is known locally, the Unhappy Meal….

    Heathcliff – The C-Moon represents cocaine induced maddness….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  27. Ellie
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Judging by the look on the co-worker’s face, the term ‘beer’ is a coverup for something far more interesting..

  28. terrapin
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#23): I hear the competition is very stiff.

  29. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Empathy fail. For years, we have seen Wilson characters who are supposed to be high-powered professional negotiators simply sign the first offer, unread. Now that we have a case where it is clearly inappropriate for the character to be micromanaging the details, we get day after day of strips showing him doing exactly that, in an apparent attempt to make Avery more sympathetic by virtue of being a brilliant engineer in addition to a CEO.

    PIB – Empathy fail. A whole week of torturing a female character to death, obviously meant to have us in tears over poor Dru and shaking our fists at Troll (who picks his nose in place of twirling his mustache because, sophisticated strip).

    Hard to feel empathy for a murderous demon who uses sex appeal to lure her victims in before destroying their souls and condemning them to hell. Was it only last week that she was repeatedly kicking Troll in his junk? I hope we get all 998 of the remaining grisly deaths that we have been promised.

  30. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    AD: Warner Bros did it better, and with Jack Benny.

    rCdS: depends on the Church!!!

    Pibg0rn: “and then along came Jones. . . ”

    SBp: infringes on MT territory.

    Bizarro: SBp did a flash mobster joke a week back or so.

    SF: wait, what?!? how is Faye there? Has she been Hilary’s hallucination all along?!?!?

  31. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .more with the heavenly bodies.

  32. Shran
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Apparently Heathcliff enjoys the garbage apes’ visits because they only occur on those ultra-rare occasions when Pac-Man eats the moon, thereby ripping a huge piece of the heavens from the space-time continuum.

  33. Here come the Judge
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff… it’s been done already, in a more coherent (though less surreal) fashion:

  34. Here come the Judge
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

  35. Ned Ryerson
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: …and then along came Jones, tall thin Jones, slow-walkin Jones ….

  36. AhClem
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    SM – The Seattle PI comics page lists it as “Amazing Spider-Man.” The Houston Chronicle simply shows it as “Spider-Man.” Apparently the editors at the Chron actually read the strip.

  37. Ned Ryerson
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#30): Oh crap, I just repeated your joke…great minds and all.

  38. aphthakid
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Quagmire from Family Guy appears in a very special crossover to tempt Marvin’s Dad into abandoning his family for a life of booze, loose women and debauchery.

  39. LP2004
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#30): rCdS: depends on the Church!!!

    You may be correct. What I get out of the strip is that the line “demon-haunted size four purple party dress” really needs to have a song written around it.

  40. Squeak
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    I’m afraid this trip put a damper on Shelly appreciating the outdoors as much as I do.

    It put a damper on it, but there is still hope. As soon this foot heals, and the forest grows back, and we install a few cell phone towers in the woods, we’re back out there!

  41. Not Just any Dipstick
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#37): I think the term would be ‘weak minds’.

  42. pugfuggly
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    A3G A man who needs to be told when he needs to sit down? Lu Ann might have finally found someone thicker than she is. I hear wedding bells….!

    FW Great comeback, Darin. If only you could have squeezed it out before they left.

    MW “She has to avoid stress. How can we tell her about us….in the most devastating way possible to finish her off? I’m thinking nude interpretive dance.”

  43. Mibbitmaker
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    9CL: Perfectly good (if exagerated) cartoon teeth? Not the quasi-realistic jaw-curvy abominations?
    ……Brooke, are you feeling alright…?

    FW: Biodaddy is sleazy, date-rapist scum. And Batty’s trying to make him look…. sympathetic…. some how (Compared to the outrage twins)? That’s what self-righteous Da’in and spouse ammount to, Batty.

    Ain’t technology wacky?
    ~Da-dat-dat d’da-dat!~

    A3G: The superfluous “and…” is really pushing it today!

  44. AhClem
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    @Dondi\’s Dad (#22): The moon is not a socket wrench. It’s a lunar eclipse; Heathcliff takes place on the cube-shaped Bizarro world. Which explains a lot, actually.

  45. Not Just any Dipstick
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    MT: How about consequences. The FAA should be all over Mark about wrecking an airplane. His pilots license suspended pending a two year investigation (he does have one I suppose). Maybe in LoFo there is an exemption for those who never take Rusty fishing.

  46. erdmann
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#9): Weak, weak city woman
    I can see your face, I can hear your voice
    On my cell phone.
    Weak, weak city woman
    Oh, my weak, weak, weak, weak city woman.

    Sigh. That song’s gonna be stuck in my head all day…

  47. Ned Ryerson
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

  48. revenge4Aldo
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    9CL: The smiles make much more sense when you realize that each of the characters has been taken over by a symbiote similar to Venom from Spiderman.

  49. Pinewood Tom
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#18): Heathcliff I guess human children get the eater bunny and cats get the garbage gorilla then?

    My parents always threatened to sic the eater bunny on me if I didn’t eat my broccoli.

  50. Dennis Jimenez
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @erdmann (#46): I’m Shelly-Shocked….

  51. sporknpork
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Look in the sky! I never knew Pac-Man was a superhero. So does that make Ms. Pac-Man, like, Catwoman or something?

  52. Gringo
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Plug-grrrrzzzz: I call bullshit. A Plugger would never spend money in a coffee shop when he can get free coffee at work.

    Unstarvin’ Marvin: Why is Family Guy‘s Quagmire in today’s strip?

  53. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Shelly: A DAMPER!!??You CRASHED your fucking plane into a Goddamn MOUNTAIN for starters!
    Wes: Oh… why yes I did! Forgot about that. Terribly sorry! We’ll just get another one!
    Shelly:Then I got burned, bitch slapped, bear bit, and had to ride in the bottom of a leaky canoe for hours!
    Wes: Heh heh..yeah!! Memories! Reminds me of my first camping trip. Did I tell you about that one? We were only 12 years old and….
    Shelly:Oh for Chrissakes..Fuck you Wes! Hand me my cell phone! I’m calling my lawyer!

  54. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    A3G- The meds must keep Cole’s head shape from shifting too much. Maybe he’s Elinor’s long lost son.

  55. seismic-2
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    JP: “I’m afraid if I don’t pay the full amount they will cut off… I’m sorry, I can’t even begin to say it!” Thalia breaks down at the thought that she will receive only 9 more text messages from Ross, and then silence. Abbey, however, fills in the blank with thoughts of what would be the worst thing that someone could have cut off, namely their line of credit.

  56. Walker of Dog
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MT: Yes, cellphones are wonderful. Good to see that the strip is expanding its product placements beyond Ford, maker of the 2013 Windowless White Van.

    MW: Tom and Beth start brainstorming the gentlest way to tell Elinor: R-rated puppet show.

    Plug: And they tip like Scrooge McDuck.

    RMMD: I hope the second panel makes an appearance during the next CC fundraiser.

  57. Voshkod
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    “I can say this little adventure has taught me something . . . always have a divorce lawyer on speed-dial!”

  58. Clint Brawny
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: the Sunday strip teased “Next: A Watery Grave,” so I only surmise this meant Spider-Man’s incompetence in choosing to web these people while their attempting to use their free limbs to swim will drown them.

  59. Dartpaw86
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Donkey Kong needs the money.

  60. Withering Heights
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: And supervising the entire psychedelic scene, the—I dunno—baleful eye of Sauron’s Commodore 64 logo? I’m too young to have correctly experienced the 1960s, so I don’t know how hallucinations are supposed to work.

  61. Hibbleton
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MT: “(..without my…) husband! I meant to say husband!”

  62. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: The Garbage Ape has just joined the Great Pumpkin and the Soul Cake Duck on my list of favorite lesser-known anthropomorphic personifications.

    Marvin: I’d wonder why Dad doesn’t find a babysitter, but that would require finding someone who could be bribed to willingly stay in Marvin’s presence for a few hours.

    MT: That’s what you learned from this adventure? Not that nature can be as unpredictable and dangerous as it can be awesome and awe-inspiring? Or to not keep the propane tank next to the unbanked fire? Or that men who throw you into the middle of the wilderness with no idea of what you’re doing are best avoided under any circumstance?

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#55):

    JP: “the worst thing that someone could have cut off, namely their line of credit”

    Abbey don’t need no stinkin’ line of credit! She can always just head out to the bin in the back with the cracked corn for the ducks and pull out another few million in cash to cover routine expenses such as this.

  64. LP2004
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pretty much the only thing I’ll order in a coffee shop is a ‘caffe mocha grande a la frappucino macchiato jumbalya latte’ or some similar candy-in-a-cup concoction. If I just want a cup of black coffee, it’s a lot less expensive to make my own or, as Gringo mentioned earlier, to drink the stuff that’s available for free at the office.

    An alternate caption for today’s panel, then, is “Pluggers like to waste their money.”

  65. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#217): I wish I could say most theodicy had developed beyond “reasons,” but.

  66. Cambias
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    I find the freaky Dadaist Heathcliff much more entertaining than back when the joke every day was “He’s a cat! Who does stuff cats can’t really do!”

  67. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    MT – With the creativity TRMT has demonstrated with his first daily MT story I doubt he will let this story arc end the way Jackelrod’s lame story arc’s always end. After all, if Mark had remembered to turn his trusty NOAA emergency radio on this morning he would have heard those urgent warnings about the imminent tsunami scheduled to hit the vicinity around the ranger station on the southern end of Rhododendron Lake!

    ///better get those life jackets on people….oh, that leaky canoe you “borrowed” didn’t come equipped with life jackets? … never mind.

  68. Voshkod
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Withering Heights (#60): I think you almost got it, but you put me on the right track. That’s no moon, that’s Pac-Man! And the ape, tossing cans shaped like barrels . . . Donkey Kong! It’s obviously an homage to 80′s video games, with a wise old owl thrown in as a tip of the hat to Tootsie Pop commercials. Now, I just can’t place that fat orange cat. A Garfield reference?

  69. Simian Prime
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Just want to say that I’m really enjoying Heathcliff’s recent foray into magic realism.

  70. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    MT – “You and your goddammed cellphone! WHAT do you mean you can’t live without your stupid cellphone?! Helll, you could be KILLED by being distracted while using that godawful thing!”

    “Oh for christ’s sake, SHUT UP, Wes!…Hey! I finally have a cellphone signal! Oh my, this is WONDERFUL! NOw I can text my friends while hiking this narrow trail along these cliffs on our way to the rescue helicop…AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee!”

  71. Droopy Says
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#58): No, the “Watery Grave” referred to the inevitable burial of this moribund strip, and what the readers will do when they line up to visit it. It will give a whole new meaning to “headstone.”

  72. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    9CL: Forget the mouth, if you’re not an owl your head should not move like that!

    A3G: Extreme coffee-getting action! (And yet, still not the most boring thing happening in the comics this week.)

    C’shaft: “I mean it, I’m going to the local Safeway and turning a fire hose on their produce section. I’ll be the corn king of the county!”

    FW: “Hey, get back here! I still have two strips’ worth of self-righteous insults to hurl at you!”

    Luann: Look, either Gunther is the gawky dork who doesn’t have clue one how to deal with women, or he’s the super-romantic Nice Guy who knows how to treat women right (even if they don’t deserve it because they’re all shallow bitches who don’t appreciate him). You can’t have it both ways.

    MW: Oh the drama! Will Beth and Tom find the courage to tell her mother what she already knows?

    Pibgorn: Okay, I’m not about to go through the last umpteen months of strips in an attempt to sort this out, so help me out here. Samurai Girl (Satori? I think?) gets wished into being a Barbara Eden genie by McStrawtroll (because of course a thousand-year-old Arab monarch looks to 1960s television for his harem fantasies), right? She gets zapped back into the computer, but is able to elude the stabby death prepared for her there because she’s a genie and has magic powers now. Now, Dru is not only a supernatural creature herself, but was also turned into a genie at some point (because of the reasons, most of which involved getting her into a skimpy bellydance costume). Ergo, she should be able to get herself out of this situation, but for some reason isn’t, correct? If so, is her current inaction the result of the characters forgetting the rules, Brooke forgetting the rules, or the expectation that the audience will be too into the spank material to care about the rules?

    Pluggers are angered and confused by multisyllabic words.

    SM: “I’ve seen you try. Trust me, you can’t save them all.”

  73. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    JP- “I’m afraid if I don’t pay the full amount they will cut off… I’m sorry, I can’t even begin to say it!….they will cut off his trust fund payments!!!!

  74. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    A3G-”That sounds good, Lu Ann. You’ve got a pretty mouth, Lu Ann.”

  75. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @erdmann (#46):

    And now it’s going to be stuck in my head too.

  76. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

  77. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MT-”I can get away with arson.”

  78. Anonymous
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    I for one am delighted by the evolution of ‘Heathcliff’ into pure non-sequitur. Pete Gallagher is turning this hidebound legacy strip into a carnival of free association. Hey, Gallagher! Ferrets, with little sailor hats! In a helicopter! Work that into a comic, I dare you!

  79. damanoid
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    I for one am delighted by the evolution of ‘Heathcliff’ into pure non-sequitur. Pete Gallagher is turning this hidebound legacy strip into a carnival of free association. Hey, Gallagher! Ferrets, with little sailor hats! In a helicopter! Work that into a comic, I dare you!

  80. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    everything is better with ferrets.

    May 30th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#70): “now I can text my friends while hiking along this cliff…AYEEEEEEEeeeeee!”

    All kidding aside, if TRMT were to use that type of example to close his story arc it could actually save someone’s life.

  82. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72): the expectation that the audience will be too into the spank material to care about the rules?

    I’d say that Brooke is too into the spank material to care about your stinkin’ rules! Both his strips have current plots that are nothing but incredibly flimsy McGuffins designed to set us up for weeks of watching a scantily-clad woman being tortured to death or, for the family-friendly strip, watching a mother, daughter, and their family friend share their uncontrollable sexual fantasies about the farm hand sleeping on their couch.

    The supposed appeal of these strips – that they deal with characters and situations you won’t see elsewhere in the comics – is lost when the situations are stream-of-consciousness setups for sub-Jon Lovitz Tales of Ribaldry, and the characters are hateful, entitled, smug, and over-sexed to the point of self-parody.

    It reminds me of the way a lot of dreams go. You are in the middle of one story, when you suddenly notice something. You focus on it, and the whole story shifts to follow the new thing that caught your eye, and the old plot is completely forgotten. (Yes, I know, this is simply the definition of stream-of-consciousness. But i’m being paid $0.00 per word, so I need to make up for that low rate via volume!)

  83. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#82): The idea that this is all an extended wet dream is the only one that makes sense right now.

  84. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: Hm, an interesting (if abrupt) turn from constitutional democracy to fascism here. If Doowey produces a teapot that looks like Hitler, run.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Oh, now he remembers the web shooters…Meanwhile, Scruffy the Janitor is drowning down below.

    Apt. 3-G: Art galleries have eat-in kitchens? And books and papers on side tables? And Margo is nowhere to be found bullying the staff? This strip has gone full-on surreal, even more so than Heathcliff.

    Arlo and Janis: Dammit! I looked at this once, and it made me yawn. Came back a little later and it made me yawn again.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Wasn’t this lake supposed to be “glacial”? Weren’t these people supposed to have “jobs,” and be caring for “animals”? Why oh why am I wasting my “life” looking for a “plot”?

    Cul de Sac: Fact-checking the comics: true! We exorcize all demon-haunted size four purple party dresses before they go out for the rummage sale. Ghosts, imps, and scudders are completely different however.

    Judge Parker: Ten fingers, ten toes, two ears, one nose – but if you don’t act fast, they may cut off his…I’m sorry, I can’t even bring myself to say it.

    Mark Trail: As much as I love TRMT and appreciate all he’s done for the artwork in this strip, it’s still a bit jarring to have Little Miss LoFo 1970 weeping for the loss of her cellphone. Baby steps, baby steps…

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Holy camera angle, Batman! Panel two is awesome in its ability to communicate Avery’s unpleasant, domineering personality. In fact, this strip does a generally fantastic job in characterization: there’s Sarah the precocious kid, June the sunny, perky, waffle-eating monster, and Rex the chuckling, mostly befuddled and emotionally stunted physician. Awesome!

    Scary Go Round: Okay, it’s really “Giant Days” at the moment, but look at that first panel. LOOK AT IT. The only way it could get any better is if it included a wolf on a skateboard in sunglasses doing a crooked grind on The Man, which, er, they did yesterday.

    Shoe: Inasmuch as Criminal Minds recently featured a story in which a serial killer targets a victim because she was a Jew who used a Christian dating site deceptively, we seem to have taken a turn toward the dark here. I for one welcome The Baster, and wish him all the best of luck in exterminating the hideous half-birds before the FBI catches up with him.

  85. Little Guy
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Not Just any Dipstick (#45): Mark just punched the FAA in the TSA.

    BTW, you *shouldn’t* have a cellphone in the deep dark forest?

  86. Luzardo
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Marvin’s dad has started to shop in the same store than Dilbert does.

  87. Esther Blodgett
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Sorry, Precocious Daughter, you are now only the second-best thing that’s ever happened to me. This panel is the best.

    PBS: I want Giant Jeffy to be a permanent character. In fact, I want other cartoonists to start incorporating him into their strips. I’d like to see him devour a few Pluggers, or eat Westview.

    AS: I had to read this twice, and then I laughed. Slow clap, Hilburn. (See what I did there?)

  88. seismic-2
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: This whole plot line would make more sense if it featured an ape delivering garbage cans. The way it is now, it’s Brooke himself who delivers a bin full of garbage to us, five times a week.

  89. Amos Snarkadder
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    MT: Shelley, I’m with you in that one, girl!

    MW: “But she has to avoid stress! Any little thing could trigger another attack that could kill her! ”
    “Huh, you don’t say. Um, so where did you say her room was?”

  90. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#18):

    My parents always threatened to sic the eater bunny on me …

    The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog awakes from dreams of blood and slouches toward the Fuggly home for his meal.

    Man, your parents were cold.

  91. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Crank: Can’t we just……..kill him??

    FW: In the Funkyverse, if it isn’t a Smirkfest, it’s a Sneerfest.

    MT: Of course, everything works out just hunky-dory.

    MW: Maybe they could both walk into the room stark naked.

    RMMD: That point and sneer in panel 2…….this guy needs to get his ass kicked.

  92. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    It makes me sad that more of you can’t share in the joy and fulfillment I find in delivering garbage pails to dadaist orange tabby cats.

    Have a little faith, people. Live a little. Dare to dream a little dream.

  93. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#91):

    … this guy needs to get his ass kicked.

    Avery’s stock options will expire worthless from contract penalties when the rest of the satellite bangs itself to powder against the overweight, inflexible camera housing during the long-delayed launch. His engineers will just snicker and pin Dilbert cartoons to the walls of their cubes, the way they always do.

  94. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    For no greater reason than I happened to notice it this morning, check out the difference between these Snuffy Smith panels from 1938, and today’s episode.

    Yeah yeah, time marches on, strips keep getting smaller, and so on and so forth. It’s still hard not to feel like we’ve lost something over the years.

  95. Elk Meadow
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#35):

    Pibgorn: …and then along came Jones, tall thin Jones, slow-walkin Jones ….

    I have not heard that song in YEARS! Songs by the Coasters used to play almost every day on my home town radio station, along with those by Ray Conniff and the Singers, Frank Sinatra, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and Hank Williams.

    Um, thanks for the earworm.

  96. Beetle Bumstead
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Cherry’s solitary tear reminds me of the post-9/11 poster of the eagle in front of the burning towers.

  97. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#91): Sneerkase is an odd-smelling cheese from Ohio, derived from natural secretions found behind the upper lips of the residents of Westview. Look for it in your grocery store next to the St. Dead Lisa tears!

  98. Brad
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    The more Heathcliff I see, the more and more I’m convinced that the person drawing it and the person writing the captions are totally different people, and they don’t communicate at all. I just imagine the punchline writer opening a manila envelope, pulling out this picture, and then spending 4 hours (and several drinks) sitting bewildered at his desk until he came up with this caption.

  99. sciencegiant
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @damanoid (#79): Yes, but WHAT IF Heathcliff was an allegory, like Animal Farm?

  100. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    FW: This is all going to end with Les’ new-found novel-writin’ wealth being used to pay off the rapist, isn’t it?

  101. Écureuil Écumant
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Marvin’s dad’s bug-eyed look in panel 2 is attributable to his just having pooped his pants.

  102. greghousesgf
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#90): Lookit the bones!

  103. Vince M
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    You know, I’d knocked ‘Heathcliff’ here in the past, finding it lazy and static – but since it’s gone opaquely batshit goofy I’ve come to like it!

  104. Morgan Wick
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Depicted in today’s Heathcliff: The early moments of the animal revolution or of its aftermath, the more mature aftermath of which can regularly be seen depicted in Slylock Fox.

  105. A-wel Cruiz
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: And now, a brief summery of recent events:

    - Darrin’s Bio-dad Frank and his ethnically-ambiguous partner Lenny pitch a reality show about Frank reuniting with his son.

    - Darrin and Jess tell Frank and Lenny to piss off.

    - Frank and Lenny threaten to make the show anyway.

    - Darrin and Jess reiterate that Frank and Lenny are douchebags.

    - Frank and Lenny leave.

    Hard to believe that only covers the last ten days worth of strips, huh? I don’t know how Tom Batiuk maintains this blisteringly fast pace, but the man clearly deserves a long vacation (and so do we).

  106. bbofun
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MT- Honestly, given how Shelly was pretty much dragged kicking and screaming into this “adventure,” had not one good moment during it, and was nearly burned to death/eaten by a bear, I’m surprised she’s ever going to go outside again.

    A3G- The only way Lu Anne’s dialogue makes sense here is if Cole is brandishing a weapon. “I’ll just sit with you, okay? I won’t make any sudden moves.”

    GT- so, Gil, how was this suppose to pan out- unless the entire team voted one way or the other, all you were going to do was codify the opposing forces with your team. But I guess that’s why you’re the coach!
    I’m figuring that when lawyer-boy goes to his love interest with the idea of suing the store for her injury, she’ll shoot him down with “But it wasn’t the store’s fault. Asshole.” (Well, maybe not. But I can dream, can’t I?)
    What’s interesting is that, for all its goofiness, this strip is pointing out one of the essential reasons the court system is so clogged up- this idea of “I got hurt, someone’s gotta pay!” is endemic- and it’s not entirely the fault of lawyers.

    SF- Hil and Faye guest-star as Statler and Waldorf.

    FW- Honestly, the only way Frankie’s gonna live up to the level of EEEEVVVIIILL he was built up with is if he plants a bomb. Oh, wait- that’s what his “reality TV show” is! KA-BOOM!

  107. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#3): “solo car date” >> “reality TV show”

  108. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    MW-You can always tell your mother with charades.

  109. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MW-”I’m so sorry that the shrew of your mother is still alive. Next time we should take her to a quack.”

  110. Hart of Johnny
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    I’m looking forward to the Mark Trail story arc where Cherry is brought up on charges for negligently destroying the forest. It’s obvious what started the fire, and the FBI and local law enforcement can easily trace it to her.

    Oh, I get it. Mark greases palms. He’s as bad as someone with sideburns.

  111. bats :[
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Is the appearance of the Garbage Ape a weekly thing (subsidized by the city), or something special (like Arbor Day Eve)? I need to know, as this will impact my gift-giving decisions this year.

  112. bbofun
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    ASM- Spidey shoots his web into the air. It climbs higher, higher, until, finally, inevitably, it falls back into the ocean, ensnaring the scientists, who, already freezing and exhausted from fighting the currents and chp of the bay, find their arms and legs immobilized, and drown, sobbing. Lauren looks at Spider-Man, aghast.

    “What did you do? Why did you shoot your webbing into the sky?”

    “I- I don’t understand. Usually when I shoot webbing up, it grabs onto a building and I can swing from it!”

    “We’re in the middle of the goddamn San Francisco Bay, asshole! Holy crap, you’re an idiot.”

    If this wasn’t also a MARVEL property, I would think this was a “take that!” towards the scene in IRON MAN 3 where Iron Man rescues a bunch of people who have fallen out of an airplane, but leaves them in the middle of the bay, as if they’ll be just fine.

  113. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#111): Garbage Ape Day, much the Garbage Ape it/myself, is in your heart. So…Thursday good for you?

  114. Écureuil Écumant
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    JP: Seriously! Can things even get any worse?

  115. astroboy
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MW – For the remainder of this storyline, Elinor will be played by Piper Laurie and Beth by Sissy Spacek.

    Just wait till the sparks ignite when Elinor refers to Beth’s “dirty pillows.”

  116. Pinewood Tom
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#90): @pugfuggly (#18): My parents always threatened to sic the eater bunny on me…

    I resemble that remark!

  117. mvg
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    9CL: I wouldn’t go expecting too much, Fleurrie. Remember — the lake is “glacial.”

  118. Northernlurker
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    FW: there must be a term for rejumping the shark
    Marvin: are we to believe the little shit factory eats solid foods?

  119. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#49):
    I saw a horrible joke on Intervention once – these young women were using/ addicted to snorting H, and one of them said to the others “knock knock-who’s there?”
    “Ether who”
    “The Ether bunny.”
    : P
    It was actually rather sad to watch.

  120. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#108):
    Or a Fisher-Price toy, LOL
    “Insert cylinder here”

  121. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#108):
    Or “Pictionary”

  122. Dennis Jimenez
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#118): They’re killin’ the Lisa….

  123. Ned Ryerson
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Who can take a sidewalk,
    sprinkle it with with funk,
    cover it with slimy,
    oozing putrified junk?

    The garbage ape can.
    The garbage ape can cause he mixes it with filth and makes the world a dump.

    Who can take a landfill
    spread it on your stoop
    paint your curb with diapers
    filled with Marvin’s poop.

    The garbage ape can.
    The garbage ape can cause he mixes it with filth and makes the world a dump.

  124. Droopy Says
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#93): Avery will leave the company after the disastrous launch of Turksat-A. He’ll join Arianespace as a consultant and blame the failure on shaking from the American-built launch vehicle. In retribution for the expensive failure the Turks will wire explosives to his garage-door opener.

  125. bats :[
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#84): re JP: OOH! Me! Me! Choose Me! (for mashing the obvious…)

  126. Tophat
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    The most unsettling thing about Heathcliff is the dead, blank look on the gorilla’s face as it prances up, throwing garbage cans around. How long now has this poor creature been putting on this advant garde performance piece? How many nights has he lost himself in his work, slowly dying inside as he realizes the only person that cares is one lone asshole cat who only wants to rifle through his art and eat some comedically large fish bones or whatever out of the trash? The owls call him the Garbage Ape, condescendingly. He is numb to their scorn. He is numb to everything, now.

  127. Ned Ryerson
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#123):
    “Fuckers better not blame me for this shit.”
    Cuss Skunk

  128. EmarandZeb
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @mvg (#117): Fleurrie is possessed by the demon Pazuzu – hence the head-spinning, hell-smile, and the sudden creepy voice-change (indicated by the change in font in the last panel), all of which indicate “The Other” is currently speaking through her. Fleurrie has obviously just drowned Edda while under the influence of the Demon King of the Winds, but remains unaware of her actions while controlled.

    Knowing this, the demon’s fourth panel pronouncement – I’m all alone! – takes on a chilling double meaning. Are we privy to the entity’s moment of final triumph over it’s host’s spirit? Is the real Fleurrie locked away securely in her body, now beyond the help of any priest? Or has her soul simply been erased?

  129. ralph
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    9CL: In the simplest terms: Edda can talk the talk but she can’t walk the walk.

    BB: This day’s strip could be set in any decade beginning with the 1920s. Just enjoy it Darryl, and try to ignore that in a couple years your daughter will be one of them. (I looked it up once, and I believe she’s supposed to be ten currently, despite being maybe two foot in height.) It’s the scantily clad people who aren’t teenagers or 20-somethings that ought to appall you.

    MT: So this story is over? Gad, you could fit half a dozen of these in a RMMD story line. Not that that’s a bad thing, given the quality of most of the stories in this genre. It seems like in all these strips the last few years the story drags along, and then suddenly it’s over, often without any satisfactory resolution. Sort of like the writer just got bored, or had written themselves into a corner.

  130. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#125): GODDAMMIT. My original comment was supposed to say: “Ten fingers, ten toes, two ears, one nose – but if you don’t act quick, they’ll cut off his…”

    Stupid subliminal editor.

    As for your mashup: snurk!

  131. EmarandZeb
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @EmarandZeb (#128): Whoops, mine was meant to be a reply to TheDiva (#72):

  132. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Does the garbage ape travel around on top of a van with his pal, Beegly Beagly?

  133. Pinewood Tom
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#132): YEOW! It’s a gorill-ill-ill-ill-la!

  134. A New Day
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    I never thought I’d say this, but perhaps we’ve been judging Marvin (the character, not the strip) unfairly. If his parents feed their toddler Happy Meals(TM) every night, then they pretty much deserve the crap-tastic messes and the bitter, misanthropic baby that they live with on a daily basis.

    Also, I officially hate everyone, including myself, for making me think about Marvin’s probable age for the last ten minutes. (Pre-verbal toddler? Distorted infant? When are Happy Meals safe for babies? What if the baby never ages? arrgghh.)

  135. Marc
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Funky- The pace that this stupid plot is moving along at makes Mary Worth look fucking Indianapolis 500.

  136. bats :[
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Tophat (#126): you want dead, blank looks? (I’m sparing you the scary, scary mouths, as least…)

  137. Baka Gaijin
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Were Shelley Thompson to write Miss Manners about how to respond to her husband about the previous 48 hours, she’d respond to Gentle Reader (in blue-black ink) … to stab him in the duodenum with a citrus spoon and twist until she sees spleen.

  138. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “I’m afraid this trip has put a damper on Shelley appreciating the outdoors as much as I do. Listen, honey, next time, I’ll be sure you are with me when I crash the plane. Gosh, that was fun!”

  139. bats :[
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#118): nibbled to death by ducks? piranha?

  140. Baka Gaijin
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#118) on Funky Winkerbean: Recurrence of cancer.

  141. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#123): Ha! That’s good. We can add a verse:

    Who can take a shithole,
    sprinkle it with with Funk,
    cover it with Frankie,
    and his tiny rapist junk?

    Tom Batiuk can!
    Tom Batiuk can cause he mixes it with sorrow in that Westview dump!

  142. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#136):

  143. sully
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised Jeff’s co-worker would want to be seen walking into a bar with a goof wearing a yellow ski glove on his head.
    Heathcliff is getting so bizarre and inexplicable, I’m actually starting to like it.

  144. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    HC- Garbage Ape doesn’t make enough $$ in his part time Slylock gig. Until he hit’s the big time with his own strip it’s late night shifts 4 times a week.

    HC2-Actually ‘Garbage Ape’ is a better nickname for Brad even than ‘B-Wad’

  145. ralph
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    FW: Had to go check the actual strip because of the comments. In fact, I reluctantly reviewed back to Sunday. And I regret to report that Frankie was by the front door the whole time, and that Darrin and girl-Darrin were apparently headed for the kitchen, not an exit door. So, no continuity screw-up. Sorry. Incidentally, since Monday the bad guys have been light pink. The colorists have apparently gotten the message.

    FW: Frankie almost has something. (Possibly his Plan B.) You know these heartwarming stories of people being reunited with biological family. Well, for every adopted child there’s obviously a reason they were put up to begin with. And it only makes sense that a lot of those biological parents would prefer not to be found, and, if they knew the story, a lot of the children would prefer not to find them. There’s your reality show: separated biological kin who have acrimonious reunions. If Frankie and Chameleon snuck in beforehand and installed a camera, the first show is almost ready to air.

  146. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @A-wel Cruiz (#105): FW:Hard to believe that only covers the last ten days worth of strips, huh?

    Because just seeing those two morons make their “hurt and righteously indignant” faces for one stip wasn’t enough! We had to drag it out, allowing them to re-state their objections over and over and over. That way, we can be clearly on the side of ‘hoping for them to die a horrible death’, and thus perfectly set up for the denouement.

    Another way to interpret it is that the two blondes used the strip’s patented time-jumping technology repeatedly, each time hoping to get just the right comeback. And yet, after 10 tries, the best these two receptacles in search of a brain cell could come up with was: “Reality TV shows REALLY stink!”. Take that, Oscar Wilde!!!!

  147. SurrealKangaroo
    May 30th, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Was Heathcliff always that surreal? I was always heard about Heathcliff, but I don’t think any of my local papers carried it during my memorable lifetime. I always just figured it was like Garfield or Marmaduke (but with a cat).

  148. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#139): turtles, snapping or otherwise? pike? bluegills? ravenous zebra mussels?

  149. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @sciencegiant (#99): “No one believes more firmly than Comrade Heathcliff that all animals are equal. He would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be?”

    “The creatures outside looked from Heathcliff to man, and from man to Heathcliff, and from Heathcliff to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

  150. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

  151. Cloudbuster
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#67): …the way Jackelrod’s lame story arc’s always end.


  152. Kevan Patrick
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Jeff can’t remember a time before Marvin despite Marvin being an infant. This makes more sense when you consider that Marvin has been an infant since 1982.

    Jeff’s haunted look finally clues us in to the reality: that this isn’t just another decades old comic strip with a frozen continuity; Marvin really is an ageless shit-demon that’s been tormenting this man and his wife for over thirty years.

  153. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @EmarandZeb (#128): You know that one episode of Angel where there’s this kid possessed by a demon, and the exorcise it only to find out the demon was trying to get out because the child was a sociopath whose capacity for amoral evil surpassed even the hellbeast’s abilities? I see something like that going down here.

  154. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#25): You see a crescent moon — I see the naked breast of Abbeyarlathotep, Goddess of a Thousand Forms.

  155. Kwazzymodo
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Ok, now I know Heathcliff is written as a Mad Lib asked to a 4-year old. “He (plural verb) a (noun) from the (adjective) (noun)”. He loves a visit from the garbage ape?! Sure, why not. Little Timmy is laughing, it must be funny.

  156. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Hey, garbage ape, could you swing by Family Circus and Funky Winkerbean tomorrow? Oh, and don’t stop off at Judge Parker. They’ll just want to monetize you. Thanks!

  157. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MT – After the campers have settled back into their respective homes…
    Cherry has cosmetic surgery on her shoulder.
    Wes has surgery on his broken foot.
    Mark has some common sense surgically implanted into his brain, (Paid for by Bill Ellis’ insurance of course!).
    Shelley enters a 12 step rehab program for people who are addicted to cellphone useage and buys some of the new type of gum people chew to try and quit using cellphones.
    The enraged scared for life mother grizzly goes on a rampage attacking any human that dares to approach lake Rhododendron or Slumber Mountain.
    The bear cub is rescued after surviving the fire and becomes a hollywood sensation with his own reality TV show version of the old Grizzly Adams show.
    Ranger Wilson fades into obscurity after his one panel performance as a comic book caracter.
    The leaky canoe sinks to the bottom of lake Rhododendron never to be seen again.
    Rusty gets kidnapped while waiting on the dock for Mark to take him fishing.
    TRMT accepts a position with the National Art Gallery to restore original paintings from the Renaissance Period.
    Bill Ellis is sued by his former friends, Wesley and Shelley Thompson.

  158. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Garbage Ape will be Spiderman’s next arch enemy. To keep with Stan Lee’s naming conventions he would probably be Garbage Gibbon or Sanitation Simian, though.

  159. Gal Friday
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Definitely digging Heathcliff lately!

  160. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Just another service provided by your friendly neighborhood Garbage Ape.

  161. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Pop Quiz!

    Heathcliff is to Garfield as :

    A) Widdle Sawah is to Sophie Spencer
    B) Seth is to Sven
    C) Generic Blonde Male is to Generic Brown-Haired Male (A3G)
    D) Howard Huge is to Marmaduke

  162. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking Dagwood probably loves visits from the garbage ape. “Leftover pizza? Thanks, garbage ape!”

  163. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “You know, Wes, the only thing this adventure didn’t include was a visit from the garbage ape.”

  164. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Love Is…yes, a visit from the garbage ape.

  165. Shrug, Bad to the Last Drop
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#y196):

    “Pluggers: Pluggers go into expensive coffee shops to show the hoi polloi they’re dicks.”

    Oh, some of us are worse than that. This Plugger never goes into coffee shops at all, and rarely orders coffee anywhere, since he brings his own. in a thermos.

    //A plastic thermos, not even a metal one.

    ////The thermos was acquired second-hand at a rummage sale.

    ////////And he prefers his coffee weak and luke-warm.

    (Sound of every barrista in earshot mumbling “Burn him as a witch…”)

  166. tallyHO
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    (i wrote this last night on yesterday’s thread but i figured since HC is featured today…)

    Thursday’s Heathcliff:?

    I believe one of the secrets to drawing an absurd Heathcliff cartoon is taking full advantage of a Sleep Cartooning side effect of regular Ambien usage.

    //one of the many differences between Garfield and Heathcliff is that while Garfield will think of something snarky and then take a nap, Heathcliff will suit up, mount his rocket powered chopper and try to jump the Snake River.

    For real!

  167. LP2004
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Oh, why not? I’ll play:

    Peanuts: “Here’s the world-famous garbage ape…”

  168. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “You mean they’ll cut off…” “Yes! Visits from the garbage ape! He loves those!”

  169. Dennis Jimenez
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#167): MT – More information on garbage can apes can be found on the internet….

  170. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Only one more stop before concluding this contracted camping adventure, folks. Tonight we will be staying at the cabin of the legendary GARBAGE APE!”

  171. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Josh- Ladies and Gentleman! The Amazing Garbage-Ape!

  172. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]


  173. Dood
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Did Margo ever seduce the garbage ape during one of his visits to Apartment 3-G?

  174. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Heathcliff has ever seen Tampopo? I think he and his current writer would enjoy it.
    (One of my favorite films)

  175. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

  176. KreatureFeatures
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    FW: It’s funny, but not intentionally.

    MW: Elinor has the worst superpower ever; the ability to self-induce deep-vein thrombosis.

  177. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]


  178. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#175):

    You talkin’ ’bout Shaft!?

    I suppose that I am capable of shoveling it, as I believe the vernacular is used.

  179. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Foob – fucking brat – now you have no one to pick on, right?

  180. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#157): during the ensuing divorce, shelley asks for and is granted custody of ‘woods and wildlife’ magazine. she fires bill ellis, replaces him with tina brown, and mark’s next assignment is on the finer points of cleaning lion cages at sigfried and roy’s house in vegas

  181. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    JP-”He’ll learn to live without it. We don’t have one and we do just fine.”

    A3G-”You’re in a safe place. There’s nothing and no one in here that wants to hurt you.”

  182. DaveyK
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh, Heathcliff. Where a single panel is so stuffed with madness you barely even register the fact that the moon is shaped like a socket wrench.

  183. Bootsy
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#49):

    Heathcliff I guess human children get the eater bunny and cats get the garbage gorilla then?

    My parents always threatened to sic the eater bunny on me if I didn’t eat my broccoli.

    Eater? I barely know ‘er!

    Veal! Week! Waitress!

  184. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Hello, Mark? THIS IS BILL ELLIS CALLING! Yes, I want you to fly to meet me for lunch in Hong Kong so I can ask you a personal favor about taking a family of GARBAGE APES on a camping trip. They won’t be any trouble as long as you keep them away from the raccons. And, Mark, THIS time LEAVE THE PROPANE TANKS AT HOME, willya?”

  185. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    MT-Mark must be feeling terrible. If this was ‘Mary Worth’ Shelley would have been a converted nature nut by now.

  186. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#178): “You talkin’ ’bout Shaft!?”

    HUSH yoh mouth!

  187. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#180): THIS WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY!

  188. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff-That wonderful time of the night once when the Garbage Ape comes walking down the street leaving full garbage cans for all the good cats.

  189. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    garbage ape: the yet to be introduced tall dark uncouth yet essentially ineffectual beefcake character in ’9cl’ to whom*all* the characters, male female and thorax, find themselves strangely attracted, to the point of obsession

  190. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Garbage Ape has often visited Apartment 3-G, but he looks like every other guy in the strip.

  191. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    This is no joke: Just saw this on
    National Weather Service in Oklahoma tweets: “Tornado developing just west-southwest of Guthrie. Take cover now.”
    If you live in that region DO IT

  192. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Proof that the Garbage Ape delivers more than just garbage cans:

    GA has left his human girlfriends with a slew of Proto-Pluggers to raise alone!

  193. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MT – IN THE YEAR 2525
    (Mark, forever 35, is now actually 580 years old, Pop has a new brain and is now 620 years young, a divorced Cherry has now been married to Shelley for well over 500 years and Rusty Trail, with an antique camera hanging around his 569 year old neck is still waiting on the dock for Mark to take him fishing)

    Our story begins with Mark who now has nothing to do but sit around the proton chamber down at the T.Rading Post telling tall tales of his illustrious past adventures to the staff of android store clerks that now work there….
    “Ah yes, I can still remember the good old days when people camped outdoors. Of course THAT was before that small forest fire around lake Rhododendron burnt all the vegetation off the entire surface of the planet, but of course the news media had to sensationalize it and blow it way out of proportion like it always does! And, by God, to this day I STILL DENY THE ALLEGATIONS!”

  194. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    9CL-”I’m all alone now.”

  195. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 30th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#194):

    If this turns into a Glee style reprise of the Tiffany song, I’m out.

  196. Francis Hobbs
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Headline of the day — CHINA BUYS SMITHFIELD FOODS (nsf queek!):

  197. LP2004
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#193): Zager & Evans’ first draft, before they realized they couldn’t fit all of those words to the music?

    //This has been quite the day for long-forgotten earworms.

  198. Damien
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: meanwhile, someone off-screen is reminiscing about Pacman (the last time they played was years ago, they don’t remember the shape so clearly).

  199. A-wel Cruiz
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

  200. John Q. Public
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    “…the Chronicles Of Heathcliff’s Descent Into Total Madness.”

    I’m really beginning to wonder.

    Never forgotten how heartbreaking it was to see the once gorgeously-drawn Pogo degenerate into a bunch of pathetic squiggles back in the early 70′s because nobody had the heart to tell Walt Kelly his diabetes-induced purblindness was rendering the strip illegible.

    Nobody would put Gallagher in that class, of course, but jeez–if he’s really losing it, it’s still pretty sad.

  201. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#185):
    “Mary Worth” Shelley
    Any sign of Frankenstein?

  202. Dennis Jimenez
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    MW – Garbage ape would make such a good match for Toe-by – if only he’d grow a chinbeard (sigh)…..

  203. Dale
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]


    Nobody bothered to tell Shelley there would be no cell phone service.
    Read and applaud my #220 from Truth in Funky or I will be forced to re-post.

    A charged cell phone will last much longer than the Eternal Flame of Zippo (as often seen in movies about trapped in caves). But how do you recharge it when you’re stuck in the Chasm of Despair?
    A charger would be important. Also, a propane powered generator. Now you’re in fat city. You can watch TV and videos or recharge Wes’s frequently used razor.

  204. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#94): Billy DeBeck was something special, wasn’t he? Check that hand-drawn cross-hatching.

  205. Everything Is Better With Monkeys
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Look at that poor hippie whatever animal it is in Pluggers (you can tell he isn’t a Plugger as he isn’t morbidly obese and has a ponytail). He reads the strip, he remembers “Pluggers don’t use tip jars.”

  206. Amos Snarkadder
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: Beth made a poor choice in dating Tom. Elinor thinks GARBAGE APE is more in her league.

  207. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#201):

    Nope. Rusty’s not in this story.

  208. Baka Gaijin
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#206): Elinor may think GARBAGE APE is in Beth’s league but GARBAGE APE’s mom would disagree vehemently.

  209. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    MT-If Shelley only had her cell phone then Wes’ plane wouldn’t of crashed, the propane taknk wouldn’t of exploded setting half the forest on fire, and Cherry wouldn’t of been mauled.

    MT-”What a story this will make. A plane crash and a forest fire.”

  210. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#209): “If Shelley only had her cell phone then…”

    If only Shelley had told Wes to stuff it when he suggested she go camping NONE of this would have happened and Mark could be home not taking Rusty fishing.

  211. Écureuil Écumant
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#130): Gee, I dunno. I kinda thought “dickly” was a cute name for it.

  212. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): Another Billy DeBeck (this one in color):

    His widow died tragically in a plane crash 10 years after Billy’s death, so it was bittersweet for me to look at one of their Christmas cards.

  213. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Hello, Mark? This is Bill Ellis. I need you to fly to Moscow to have lunch with me so I can ask you to do me a personal favor. I want you to take a good friend of mine by the name of TRMT on a camping trip to the darkest regions of the unexplored region inthe African Congo so he can write a good story line for your comic strip. WHAT? No, those tales of villainous man eating temple monkeys are only a myth. WHAT’S that? You want to know why I won’t let YOU write the next comic strip story line? Hell, Mark, you can’t even write a convincing ransom request note whenever you get kidapped! WHAT? You asking why you styil lhave to fly to Moscow now that I’ve already explained the personal favor to you? I guess you’ve never tryed the traditional Russian cuisine at Bolshio’s! Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Mark. See you there at 8 and don’t be late!”

  214. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    MT – “MARK! You are home again! Oh boy-oh-boy!! Once you’ve unpacked will you PLEASE TAKE ME FISHING, Mark?”

    “Sorry, Rusty. I have to fly to Moscow immediately to have lunch with Bill Ellis!”

  215. seismic-2
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    It’s a pity that Garbage Age did not make his comics debut yesterday, when Marylou was trying to find an appropriate dating service for Momma.

  216. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 30th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72): is her current inaction the result of the characters forgetting the rules, Brooke forgetting the rules, or the expectation that the audience will be too into the spank material to care about the rules?

    D) All of the above.

  217. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#212): The late Billy DeBeck would be pleased to know that every one of his creative caracters on Barney Google’s left are dead ringers of my country bumpkin inlaws…especially Viper Fagin!

  218. The Ghost of Jarrod
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    JP – “You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon… with nail polish. These fucking amateurs….”

    MT – So the moral of the story is that nature sucks. The end.

    MT redux – Seriously, this is the kind of thing that would make die-hard nature lovers pave over their lawns. When a forest fire is the least troubling part of your camping trip, why wouldn’t you return to your cell phone? Maybe Jack Elrod is trying to tell us something. Maybe all these years making Mark Trail comics has finally convinced Elrod that nature is a horror, and it must be stopped.

  219. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Pinewood Tom (#133): [Kingfisher bass] Grape ape, grape ape [/bass]

  220. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#156): Will do, Dood.

  221. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#174): Tampopo is awesome. I’m really sorry there weren’t more soba-westerns made.

  222. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#211): (I used “fast” in the original when I meant to use “quick.”)

  223. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#218): The moral to this MT story arc is….DON’T EVER TAKE OLIVER AND LISA DOUGLAS CAMPING! (Don’t ever take Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor camping either!)

  224. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#218): RE: “MT redux”


  225. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#212): @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): Holy crap, look at all the people who graduated from Hyde Park High, DeBeck’s alma mater.

  226. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @The Garbage Ape (#220): If I send you the GPS coordinates for the Mark Trail homestead would you go there and take Rusty fishing for us… PLEEEEEASE ?

  227. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#221):

    That was a ramen western!!! Sorry to be picky, but clarity in noodle names is a cornerstone of democracy.

  228. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#223):

    You may, however, take Darin and Jessica camping with impunity. It would take them at least a week to get out of the tent.

  229. Illustrator Steve
    May 30th, 2013 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Don’t forget, Wes – we still have to make our way across a burning nightscape aand paddle across a lake of fire to reach the rescue choppers…WAIT, I can hear the rescue helicopters approching…it sounds like about seven of them coming in low! Why…they sound like HUEY’s OMG! they are vintage Bell UH-1 HUEY’s! Yipee, WE’RE SAVED!”

    “Hold on there, Mark! Aren’t you forgetting about crossing the burning nightscape and the lake of fire to get to the LZ?”

    “Welcome to the asshole of the world, Wes!”

  230. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#209):
    Editor:”So the plane crashed and caused a forest fire? What a great story Jimmy! Get right on it!”
    Jimmy:”Yeeahhhh….um..I’ll go with that angle for The Daily Bugle but I’m gonna put the real dope in the Weekly LoFo News, if that’s ok. Trust me on this one boss.”

  231. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 30th, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y217): Now that you mention it, I’ve noticed an increasing number of newspapers whose analyses consist pretty much of “Reasons!”

  232. Alison
    May 30th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    “Marvin”: I have a theory that all these family-friendly strips about parents are actually done by people who hate kids. On the surface, they are marketed as, “Look at the joys of parenting, and the endless love you get from your kids!” but when you actually read these strips, most of the punchlines are more along the lines of, “My kids are annoying and whine all the time. I never get to eat food other than processed McDonald’s crap and I spend all my time changing dirty diapers and speaking in baby talk. I am a zombie who can barely stand up because I never get any sleep, and when a fellow adult talks to me I just go ‘Whaaa?’ because spending so much time with kids has warped my brain. I jump for joy at any chance to go anywhere without my kids, ever.” (See also: “Baby Blues”.)

    Also, Marvin’s dad’s co-worker has an incredibly sleazy face in that first panel, so I presume he wants to go pick up chicks with Jeff. Good luck with that, dude, because as soon as Jeff starts talking about Marvin shitting himself, any sane woman will be outta there.

  233. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 30th, 2013 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#190): COTW candidate!

  234. bats :[
    May 30th, 2013 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail is right: creatures do best in their native habitats! No matter what the neighbors might think.

  235. Mr K Martin
    May 30th, 2013 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    HEAVE-CLIFF: The Magical Mystery Tour is coming to take me away……

  236. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#233):Bravo! Concur! Although this ‘Cole’ guy does have an apelike head…More so than Luann, even.

  237. moss_moses
    May 30th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Shelley’s epiphany was not a “ringing” endorsement of the outdoors, but rather that she never wants to be outside of cell phone coverage again. Does it get any more anticlimactic than that? For this Mark and Cherry went through hell and high water, a plane crash, an explosion, a forest fire, a bear mauling. Was it a camping trip or a disaster movie?

    How was Stern Biddy able to feign a blood clot? I didn’t realize that people could fake blood clots or make them appear voluntarily. It is either Stern Biddy faking a blood clot or her doctor is a total quack. Either way her “illness” will put a big dent in Tom & Beth’s sickening romance.

  238. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    D’aww, Heathcliff is in rapture over the giant tub of goodies plunked at his feet — adorable little tooth sneaking through his lips in anticipation. But Garbage Ape is all business: “No time for thanks, l’il buddy — I’ve got cats to feed!” Garbage Ape is my new hero, is what I’m saying.

  239. AhClem
    May 30th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    “You stole a friend of mine’s pet Garbage Ape!!”

  240. Francis Hobbs
    May 30th, 2013 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#192): Proof that the Garbage Ape delivers more than just garbage cans

    Mating with the Garbage Ape could lead to a complicated pregnancy:

  241. Liam
    May 30th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    MT-And isn’t that the greatest lesson of all.

  242. tymime
    May 30th, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    If I knew Heathcliff had become a series of surrealist non-sequitors instead of boring cat jokes since I last read it, I would’ve caught up on it a long time ago.

  243. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    As summer approaches, the Garbage Ape comes
    Holding 30-lb. pails in his fingers and thumbs
    Full of goodies he’s saved from cockroaches and rats
    To plunk down at the feet of the neighborhood cats.

    You don’t have to be good; it won’t hurt to be bad –
    Every cat gets the best meal he ever has had
    Chocked with foodstuffs in various states of decay
    It’s a feline Thanksgiving — the Garbage Ape way!

  244. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#227): Or “noodle” western, according to Wikipedia. I think I get backwards because of this song, which is soba country or maybe soba cajun, I lose track.

  245. Peanut Gallery
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    A3GHoly what-the-heck! Characters in A3G are sitting down! Imagine the comfort and relief they must feel, after all these years!

  246. Peanut Gallery
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#65): But you can’t. Because of the reasons.

  247. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#232): I love the Divalings with all my heart, but there a little truth at the heart of all that. Kids take up a lot of energy and you spend a lot of time working on their level, and even the most doting parent wants time away to watch R-rated movies and eat at nice restaurants and have private time with their partner. For me, the times when I can “not be Mommy” help me de-stress and leave me better able to appreciate the time I spend with my children.

    I do see where you’re coming from, though, especially with Marvin. Marvin never seems like an actual child to me–more like a malevolent conglomeration of various infant and toddler related aggravations (late night feedings, temper tantrums, toilet training, and varieties of messes). He never expresses wonder, curiosity, joy (unless you count schadenfreude), or anything that makes children endearing; he’s detached, cynical, and deliberately cruel. Instead of laughing knowingly at his antics, I wonder how many people he’ll kill before the police catch up with him.

  248. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Thank you all for all the kind words, jokes, stories, and poems. I do my work at night, and seldom get to enjoy the sun or the company of good friends, so this means a lot to me.

    Now, who needs some fromage à ordures? My treat!

  249. Darth Curt
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    I can honestly say that I have never laughed out loud to the end of a Mark Trail. But even without a car going off a cliff, someone getting punched out, or a baby deer getting kicked, this is the best Mark Trail ending ever. Pure gold!

  250. Mr K Martin
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    HEAVE-CLIFF: Coming soon – the Garbage Ape version of “King Kong”! In this remake our primate hero climbs to the top of a double wide trailer holding Honey Boo Boo in one hand and fighting off giant horseflies with the other.

  251. Mr K Martin
    May 30th, 2013 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    In tomorrow’s Mark Trail – Shelley loses her cell phone and immediately DIES!

  252. Stroker Ace
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Marvin – Jeff’s homosexual adventure begins. Finally.

  253. Mikey
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#252): and to think at one time he could have had Garbage Ape (sigh!)

  254. Alison
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#247):
    Oh, I definitely agree there’s truth to it. I just think it’s a bit odd when family-friendly strips literally *never* show anything but “Parenting is so hard and kids are damn annoying” punchlines. I don’t think I’ve seen one single “Marvin” strip where his parents are not disgusted with their own baby. Now obviously, anyone would be disgusted with Marvin, but still. You’d think there would be SOME moments when Jeff n’ Jenny didn’t look like they wanted to kill themselves due to Marvin. Even a somewhat-weak line like “Marvin looks cute when he’s asleep” or something.

    I actually think FOOB did a nice job of balancing the “parenting can be really bad and it can be really good” act, back in the day, before April was born.

  255. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#253): Hey man, Garbage Ape swings a lot of ways, you know what I’m saying?

  256. TheDiva
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#254): I think strips like Baby Blues are kind of the parenting equivalent of Retail or Dilbert–it’s not that the experience is 100% miserable, but that the miserable stuff is easier to poke fun of (and also very therapeutic to laugh at).

    On the other hand, I get the feeling that any expression of joy in Marvin’s presence would result in Marvin smiling nastily and reflecting on how he has the adults wrapped around his tiny drool-soaked finger.

  257. Peanut Gallery
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#244): I thought of that song too! You can hear the whole thing on YouTube. Second half in English!

  258. tallyHO
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Twas the night before tomorrow and all through the block,
    Not a creature was crowing not even a cock.

    My lady friend stayed in her abode all snuggled and warm
    And, I in my stood guard in front of my house, on the lawn.

    When what with my pointy ears did I hear?
    A galloping galump with 8 trash cans for here!

    Well, you can imagine my glee or maybe you would see
    if you were one of the sentry owls that gazed from a tree,
    This time of the week, when empty trash can were brought in,
    You would see the one who specialized in classic trash bin.

    He trotted across the way as jaywalking, boldly ignoring the law.
    If you saw his robotic determination then you know what I saw:
    A mammal so true to his task that he flouted the conventions of the day
    As he transverse the night delivering more delights than one can say.

    If he ever stood still, he’d stand two garbage cans high plus one spitoon.
    He was long able lims swung like man found in a Don Martin Cartoon.
    It was the Garbage Ape, my benefactor from the edge of our small town.
    It was the Garbage Ape, who didn’t need a tractor to move all his gifts around.

    When he left a can right near my hind paws
    I knew right then I was due for many awes.
    To rifle through such a treasure trove right there
    Is a beggar’s banquet, a buffet for the cats anywhere!

    The Garbage Ape kept bounding until he was Out Of Sight!
    But, he is already like that, it is what makes him alright.
    He can’t do his thing during the day; it needs to be at night.
    But by doing it under a crazy moon, he guarantees Heathcliff’s Delight!

    //enh. Shortly in, I ceased being faithful to the source poem…

  259. tallyHO
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    Bah! I forgot to spell something a certain way.
    I intended to type: Krazy.

    That moon in today’s “Heathcliff”, which I didn’t notice upon first reading it,
    is like a George Herriman moon from the Krazy Kat comics. Those moons were varied by they were often geometrically groovy. So a square punch to make a crescent moon is a lot like the way Herriman used to do it.

  260. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#257): Ah, bless you for that find. It took me forever to figure out who it was by – somebody left it on a Camper Van Beethoven tape they made for me, so I assumed it was a CVB song…

  261. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Garbage Ape (#260): Curses! My secret identity foiled! I’ll be like Peter Parker, only with less “meh…”

  262. Garage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Hell, I’ve been the resident ape at Gasoline Alley for 60 years! Never made it into the strip.

  263. The Garbage Ape
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Garage Ape (#262): You’re not Turkish, are you?

  264. Black Drazon
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    I wonder how this Mark Trail strip ended when Cherry and Shelly first went into the woods back in the Carter era? “I can say this little adventure has taught me something… and that’s that this bear steak is better than any beef I’ve ever had!”

  265. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#264): This is honest-to-gosh new material – the strip artist hangs out here and has confirmed it.

  266. Gasoline Alley Oop
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#240): If you’re suggesting the Garbage Ape impregnated Elinor Kinley (back when she still looked like Fay Wray), you have my undivided attention. It would certainly explain Beth’s unusual cranio-facial characteristics.

  267. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#225): Holy crap, look at all the people who graduated from Hyde Park High, DeBeck’s alma mater.

    Odd that the DeBeck Wikipedia bio says he went to Hyde Park, but the Wikipedia Hyde Park article doesn’t list him as a distinguished alumnus.

    Something’s fishy there.

  268. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 30th, 2013 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#267):

    Something’s fishy there.

    You mean other than Wikipedia’s “editing”?

  269. A. Mutt
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#267): Dunno about Billy, but Fala was at Hyde Park whenever Franklin Delano was in residence.

  270. Dartpaw86
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Where have I seen this storyline before…? Girl falls in love, evil parental figure doesn’t approve, meddling old person to save the day.
    Though here everyone is named Dopey.

  271. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 30th, 2013 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#268): You mean other than Wikipedia’s “editing”?

    Oh, blame Wikipedia’s editing. Maybe so. That could be the answer. Or, could it be… Count Weirdly!!!

    // Why do I suggest CW? Because of the reasons!

  272. tallyHO
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Don’t know if it is obvious or if it someone’s already pointed it out ( i know i didn’t last night) but most likely what Sherry says in the last panel AND having that solitary tear roll down her cheek are a rare example of intentional humor in Mark Trail.
    I never thought I’d live to see the day. I worry about tomorrow.

    Just kidding. Well done. The picture and words wrap up the story. Now all that is left is a big customary pancake breakfast.

  273. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    Those of you who like the splendid word “jobbernowl” will be pleased to learn that it has shown up in reference to Wikipedia’s feature article today about the Cotswold Olimpick Games. One of the games played at this event is called dwile flonking.

    A quote:

    According to the Friends Of The Lewes Arms, “The rules of the game are impenetrable and the result is always contested.”[4]
    A ‘dull witted person’ is chosen as the referee or ‘jobanowl’ and the two teams decide who flonks first by tossing a sugar beet. The game begins when the jobanowl shouts “Here y’go t’gither!”
    The non-flonking team joins hands and dances in a circle around a member of the flonking team, a practice known as ‘girting’. The flonker dips his dwile-tipped ‘driveller’ (a pole 2–3 ft long and made from hazel or yew) into a bucket of beer, then spins around in the opposite direction to the girters and flonks his dwile at them.
    If the dwile misses completely it is known as a ‘swadger’ or a ‘swage’. When this happens the flonker must drink the contents of an ale-filled ‘gazunder’ (chamber pot (‘goes-under’ the bed)) before the wet dwile has passed from hand to hand along the line of now non-girting girters chanting the ceremonial mantra of “pot pot pot”.
    A full game comprises four ‘snurds’, each snurd being one team taking a turn at girting. The jobanowl adds interest and difficulty to the game by randomly switching the direction of rotation, and will levy drinking penalties on any player found not taking the game seriously enough.

  274. tallyHO
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Friday’s Early Comics, from the Dept. of Brevity:

    Spider-Man: Ho HO! Peter Parker, Scientist Impresser!

    A3G: You should have said something, LuAnn! Those are precious moments in my time with my father that future memories are made of. I call them: Daddio Torturing-A- Go-Go Time! I so look forward to them.

    Snuffy Smif: Local Hillbilly Found Passed Out In Bird Bath: Pleads the Fifth and Asks for a “Fifth of Whate’er Ya Got!”

    Mary Worth: “Speak to Her Alone” translates to “Smother Her With Pillow”. That is the title of Chapter 2 of Beth Kevorkian’s “Guide for the Single Girl in The Escape From Hell and Mom”

    Mark Trail: Translation: Wes and Shelley fight a lot, don’t they?

    Lockhorns: Captcha the Memories. Wasn’t that a Kodak Slogan? Mr. Lockhorn, Drunk Surfing and his wife…just standing there.

    //side note: saw photos of Bunny Hoest. (long whistle) She’s lived. That’s all I can say. Not a stranger to a tanning booth, I’d guess. But, I am only guessing. Guessing like Mr. Lockhorn zinging his wife!

  275. A Smirch Unheeded, Deacon
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#273): Oh, where is Ramblin’ Sid Rumpole when you need him, Reverend? I’m sure he had a jolly old folk song in his ganderbag about dwile flonking.

  276. Poteet
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Crank, the corn futures market deals with yellow dent corn, a.k.a. field corn. I’d bet good money you planted sweet corn. That makes this strip even dumber.

  277. Droopy Says
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    The Inflatable Spiderman: “I know you can’t answer with your mouth full!” Daredevil tells Spiderman. The voice of experience can evoke disgust.

    Funky’s Flunkies: He . . . oh. He walked it off. For a moment I thought Batiuk had copped to his stylistic faults.

    Phantom: “There’s nothing here, fella!” Everyone’s a critic, even the characters.

    Mark Trail: “And, um, Mark? Remember that forest fire? Maybe we should rethink having all those shrubs and giant redwoods so close to our cabin. By the way, their roots will certainly complicate life if we ever get indoor plumbing.” “Don’t worry your pretty little head, my dear, by tomorrow they’ll have walked down to the lakeside. Say, doesn’t this look like the perfect spot to toast marshmallows and pancakes?”

    Pluggers: A Plugger will come up with any excuse to avoid admitting he’s checking out her butt.

    Wrecked Morgan, Manic-Depressive: “Sure, the test results say there’s no problem in the first place, and I’ve just named the worst possible alternative to my imaginary problem, but think of the expense! We can charge the customer at least another five million dollars here!”

  278. Calico
    May 30th, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#227):
    NEVER boil the broth. Never.

  279. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#174): I don’t remember the garbage ape part of Tampopo.

  280. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Luann: The best Gunther’s MOTHER can say about him is that he’s not a soul- crushing monster, even if he’s objectively repulsive. What a horrendous childhood Rosa must have had.

  281. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    The Hon. Gil Thorp: “When you factor in my repellant personality, it was a HUGE win!”

  282. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    9CL: The art is (as usual) very pleasing, and today’s strip could be sweet and even sexy had I not already come to loathe these characters.

  283. bats :[
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    I don’t know whether to be ashamed or not, but I find Friday’s 9CL pretty damned sexy (maybe because we don’t see the characters’ contorted facial features in 75% of the panels).

  284. commodorejohn
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#280): All this time, he just had to find a woman whose standards were low enough!

  285. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#272): About Mark Trail, I concur. What we have just seen is actual humour in the Mark Trail comic strip.

    “Overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out.”

  286. Huckleberry Fink
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:15 am [Reply]

    @A. Mutt (#269): Aren’t Fala and Franklin Delano two of the characters in author J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Falaship of the Ring?

    @Poteet (#276): You underestimate Ed Crankshaft. He planted leftover kernels of Orville Redenbacher’s Gourmet Popping Corn in his garden because he was too lazy (and cheap!) to order from the seed catalog.

  287. Cloudbuster
    May 31st, 2013 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    Luann: There are no in-between steps between inarticulate, whiny, sweaty doormats and boys who crush your spirit.

  288. Dale
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#277):


    Why do they have those picnics? Somebody has to pack and maybe even wash a bunch of containers. They could sit on the porch. Easier, eat in the kitchen and look out the optionally open window.

  289. Liam
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-With such smutty talk in today’s comic I’m surprised how it wound up on Comics Kingdom’s site.

  290. Droopy Says
    May 31st, 2013 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#288): Why risk burning down their cabin when they can burn down the forest instead? I know, I know–a forest fire could incinerate the entire LoFo compound. But planning ahead is for those urbanites and their hectic lifestyle!

  291. gleeb
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    3-G: “He’s trying to cut back on coffee! He has a caffeine withdrawal, and you put him in arm’s reach of temptation!

    Dick: What could she do? Have a blood test? Give birth to Honeymoon again? Explain how being firebombed didn’t take?

    Thor: High on his not-quite-defeat, Knox Harrington presses his luck!

    Pluggers: …don’t go to the gym, so there’s no need for a bag.

    ‘bean: Uh oh. Looks like they’ll have to go to plan C, which is probably just a rehash of plans A and B. Anyway, if someone doesn’t play ball with you, you can’t have anything to “walk off”, as the metaphor is drawn from actually playing ball.

    Thalia’s Grift!: …aaaand here’s the pitch!

  292. LP2004
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#273): Wow. I haven’t read anything like that since the old Mad Magazine article about 43-man Squamish.

  293. Foxy J
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:44 am [Reply]

    I can’t live without my radio…

  294. LP2004
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:44 am [Reply]

    My apologies if someone has already said this, but The Garbage Apes would be a great (if not perfect) name for a punk rock band.

    Actually, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was the name of a punk rock band for about two and a half weeks in 1979, before the singer and bass player got into a bloody fist fight on stage and the drummer died from a heroin overdose.

  295. Foxy J
    May 31st, 2013 at 5:47 am [Reply]

    43 Man Squamish is so the bomb. I can’t believe I just saw such a rad reference to that.

  296. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#280): Luann: he’s not a soul- crushing monster, even if he’s objectively repulsive

    Well, at least you don’t abuse her emotionally or physically. If she is with you in the first place, she must have low enough self-esteem to settle for that. Yippee. Here’s your cookie.

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#282): Re 9CL

    Yes, the loathing for the characters pretty much makes me hostile to whatever is happening in the plot. I wonder if there is a lesson there for authors?

    Anyway, Sveth has the standard-issue barrel chest, fit to carry an adult cow cross-country without even tiring, but below the waist he is only as thick as Fleurrie? No wonder he keeps falling down whenever he sees a girl in a dress.

  297. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    SBp: takes chibi monstergirls several steps too far.

    Zits: *snurk* nice over-the-top take on a concept that I’ve often wondered about.

    Lockhorns: of all the strips to do a ‘capcha’ joke!!

    MG&G: /faceplant.

    RwO: *golf clap* Ms Price doesn’t get enough credit for her art.

  298. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . Yakkity Sex.

  299. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    the thought occurs, that if you reversed the positions of the Little Nakeds, and added a frying pan, you’d have a typical Andy Capp strip.

  300. tb4000
    May 31st, 2013 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    9CL: Sven….the most normal motherfucker in this entire strip, even if he is named Sven.

  301. John
    May 31st, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    I know I’m a little late to the party, but apparently Healthcliff’s Garbage Ape is a recurring character:

  302. bats :[
    May 31st, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @John (#301): Cooool!

  303. Greg
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    It was too much effort for the Heathcliff creative crew to go one step further and alliterate with “garbage gorilla.” Instead we have some half-assed Bigfoot knockoff, the great American ape… the garbage ape.

  304. Jonn
    May 31st, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    The coworker’s smile in panel one of Marvin seems oddly lascivious.

  305. tallyHO
    May 31st, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @John (#301):

    I know I’m a little late to the party, but apparently Healthcliff’s Garbage Ape is a recurring character:

    Up on the housetop: cling, clang, clunk!
    Garbage Ape is on the roof, dropping lot’s of junk

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