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Spidey takes on … TURBULENCE

Spider-Man, 6/30/13

Sadly, Crankshaft’s plane ride is now over, but, if today’s narration box is any indication, I think we’ve got a solid week or more of Peter Parker suffering various airplane-related indignities to look forward to! First up: airport security.

Family Circus, 6/30/13

Oh my goodness, that look on Ma Keane’s face is everything. “Is anyone looking? I could just … I could walk away, right now. Nobody would know. I’d be out of the county in an hour. Two states away by nightfall. I could eat this whole ice cream cone, take as long as I wanted. I could keep buying ice cream cones every time I got off the highway. They’d be mine. They’d all be mine.”

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/30/13

“One minute she was standing before me, a living human being, and the next Sarah had turned her into a pile of unfeeling glop that she scooped up triumphantly in her little fists! It was the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen. Wait, can … can she hear us? Oh God don’t let her hear us

179 responses to “Spidey takes on … TURBULENCE”

  1. Little A.
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy: Is Joe staring at that woman’s chest? He is growing up, and probably down there, too.

  2. gleeb
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Grave-Robbing Fox!: Sure, the writing on the wall. But also, well-known archaeologist Selim Scorpion is standing right there, pleading with them not to disturb his dig.

    ‘shaft: Remember when this strip took a week to tell the sepia-toned story of Ed saving a tree? Well, that tree was his favorite. All the others are just pawns in his war against other people.

    Dennis: George Wilson didn’t fight Hitler to have to listen to this crap.

    ‘bean: We know Frank is evil, you see, because he’s leaving the dying little ohio town he was born in. Good people, like Jess and Durwood, come back so they can be under- or unemployed for the remainder of their shortened lives.

    June Morgan, RN: And little Sarah asks herself, “is that all there is?”

    Dick: So, if someone tells you he’s the Chief of Police of Newark, just spit in his eye, because he’s a lying fraud. Also, is putting the space coupe on “automatic” a good idea? I’ll bet this has all been a way for the writers to have it escape into the sky and never be brought up (or down) again.

    Gas: What’s liberty for if it’s not for Slim trying to murder the skinnier of the two hillbillies?

  3. KreatureFeatures
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    FW: Check out Frankie’s trunk: zip ties, duct tape, video camera, rope … it’s Dennis’s fetish stuff from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia! Next stop: the high school reunion! This is finally going to become entertaining.

    FC: Dear Bil and Jeff Keane, this is not how jokes work.

    MW: For Elinor’s actual response, replace “Than” with “Fuc.”

    MT: No snark – just wanted to say nicely drawn avian details.

  4. Dartpaw86
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Okay, to be honest, I actually like today’s Family Circus. It actually feels like a strip from 20 years ago, straight out of one of those old treasuries. Those were the funny ones, the ones I liked. Just the kids being annoying as hell, which is actually the main purpose of the comic’s humour. Though if this was a repeat, I wouldn’t be surprised.

  5. anonymous
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: This is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever read, congratulations. Exactly what any exhausted, child-burdened exasperated mom has ever thought, yes, throughout the ages! Go, Thel – you might show up on AO Hell headlines for a day or two, until they catch you and drag you back! But you will have enjoyed a brief, sweet freedom.

  6. seismic-2
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    FC: Three children, two ice cream cones. There is a solution, Thel. There is a solution.

  7. pugfuggly
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    ASM “The cost of newsprint went up, advertisers are pulling out, and every day we get slapped with a fresh $300 fine for smoking in the building! Hold on…I think Robbie set fire to the curtains again…”

    FC Hmmm…jet black pants, dress, skirt…is the Keane Kompound going amish? ‘Enjoy the ice cream kids, it’ll be your last: Deacon Raber says artificially frozen foodstuffs are verboten…”

  8. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Every day, I think “well they have pushed this thing as far as they possibly can”. And every day it just get more ridiculous.

    I hope that next week involves Sawah deciding that she doesn’t need to walk down to the car, she can just open a window and fly home, on the wings of her boundless self-confidence. She soars into the sky, only to have a passing eagle catch her enormous head in its talons and carry her home to feed her young.

  9. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Little A. (#1): By “down there” I assume you mean his growing feet.

  10. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Ted Forth has discovered the comments are where the action is

    the ratio of Judge Pissyface to Juggs Parker is changing in the latter’s favor

    Rex, MD: not so much fun when you have to *work* at it, is it kiddo?

    MT Sundays are always interesting in a good way

    Retail: the customer is never right

    even when Heathcliff fails he succeeds

    FW: the panel where Frankie’s angry muppet face softens a bit as he looks at Darin and Jessica is another of those weird little FW moments that leaves the reader thinking, “this could have been a good storyline”

  11. Droopy Says
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    FW: As they leave Westview behind, Frankie thinks on all he has seen–the lockstep denial of Lisa’s existence, the inexplicable rages, the sudden appearance of previously-unknown evidence–yes. Some sinister force controls Westview, forcing people to worship Lisa and wallow in misery. What can it be–of course! “Lenny,” he says, “I’ve got an idea for our next movie. We’ll call it They Saved Hitler’s Smirk.”

  12. UncleJeff
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    OBH: Oops. My comment from yesterday was about Rick’s Sunday strip (sorry, walt d).
    Still — “My eyes are up here, boy.”
    And it is an 8 year old boy doing the “down the blouse” leer.

  13. Francis Hobbs
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    @Little A. (#1): Is Joe staring at that woman’s chest?

    Speaking of a woman’s chest, have you seen “The Cobra’s Fashion Page”?

  14. jim, some guy in iowa
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#12): with, apparently, a line of 8 year old boys with loose shoelaces. I guess them all holding dollar bills would have been a bit much

  15. John C Fremont
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    FC – I especially like to 80′s Soviet Bloc cars. They must be at Six Flags Over Ostrava.

    Bizarro – The Wizard Of Odds? But that’s not Alex Trebek. Plus, he had a mustache back then.

    (FYI, Wikipedia informs me that the horrible theme to The Wizard Of Odds was written and performed by fellow Canadian Alan Thicke, producer of, among other things, Robin Thicke. Oh, Canada, indeed!)

  16. TheDiva
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    FC: I’d say it’s more the look of a woman who’s resigned herself to the fact that she will never have nice things or a life outside of these children, ever.

    SM: I look forward to the scenes where Peter’s flight is delayed three hours due to a mechanical problem. It will be the most excitement he’s seen since he left New York.

  17. Powers
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Okay, so the British governess/day-care provider uses the word “literally” incorrectly, just like 95% of the population of the U.S. and Britain combined. So?

  18. TheDiva
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’m not sure if this is an attempt at Python-esque absurdity, a beef with genre fiction, a portrait of a genocidal monster, or just completely pointless.

    C’shaft: Ha-ha, that’s our Crankshaft, single-handedly destroying property values and quality of life for everyone he knows!

    FW: And so we end where we began: with Frankie spying on his bastard song from his car, and with me praying he’ll floor the accelerator.

    Luann: BO doesn’t count, Frank.

    MW: Don’t mention it, Beth. Someday, Mary will call upon you to return the favor…

    Pluggers: No, Pluggers go on actual cruises. Believe me, I’ve been forced to sit with them in the dining hall.

  19. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A&J: trade you our mosquitoes for your fly.

    rCdS: *applause*

    rIP: takes it to Archie in a wonderful way.

    Lio: *SNURK!*

    PBS: wow. just wow.

    SBp: *snurk* with Eagles refs.

    Bizarro: I liked PBS better.

    MG&G: “Do not eat the big white mints”

    Ghost-who-tropes: blonde, brunette, redhead, got the Trio.

  20. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#16): I look forward to the scenes where Peter’s flight is delayed a few hours and he has to use a filthy airplane restroom and picks up a norovirus and spends two days in scenic Costa Verde spewing from both ends of his gastrointestinal tract, not caring if he lives or dies. Good luck, Spidey! Compared to modern airline travel, the Kingpin was a pussycat.

  21. Alex Blaze
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Dolly’s face is also awesome. This is the exact moment she realizes that women in her clan can’t have anything nice. Once she has kids (right after she’s married off to an eligible 30-something at age 16), it’ll be one self-sacrifice after another. It’ll be great material for her feminist reading group one day, especially the part about how her father would take them to old-timey car shows and abandon his whole family with his eldest son, leaving them with $20 for ice cream and a homily about the importance of the oldest boy becoming a real man.

  22. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — This is the same guy who was utterly traumatized by the removal of a tree in his front yard, right?

  23. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

  24. Lily Sincere
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    I see Thel as having an interesting ethical dilemma here, since I’m pretty sure her “ice cream” is actually a frozen daiquiri in a cone. On the one hand, she’s thinking, who gives booze to little kids? On the other hand, it’s freakin’ PJ. Who wouldn’t want to liquor him up?

    The only thing that stays her hand is thinking that alcohol might make him worse somehow. So she makes Billy give PJ his ice cream and gives her “ice cream” to Billy. Everyone knows Billy’s an amiable drunk, while Dolly just gets even more abusive and demanding.

  25. Northernlurker
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    JP and RMMD: These converging story lines are irritating me beyond belief. I’m not attempting to write a novel, but I do know by experience writing well is hard work and getting published is hard work.
    So here we have a spoiled, precocious brat and an entitled, thin-skinned judge, with no writing experience and no evidence of talent and publishers fall all over them.

  26. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    S-M — Are we going to go through this entire story using The Tarantula’s formal name, even when Spidey is just muttering to himself? I promise to feel just as awed and intimidated by The Tarantula if he’s given a nickname with fewer syllables. How about Hairylegs?

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#20): you’ve been reading the later Game of Thrones books again, haven’t you?

  28. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

  29. Nekrotzar
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    So Crankshaft’s flight in the airplane we call life is now over, leaving the runways of opportunity to the next generation … oh, you meant it literally? Rats.

  30. TheDiva
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#22): Hey, if anybody’s going to destroy a living thing, it’s going to be Crankshaft!

  31. Danforth Lancaster
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    PJ isn’t crying, he’s pouring sweat, and about to keel over from heat exhaustion. Which makes sense, considering he’s eating mashed potatoes out of a toilet paper tube in a hot parking lot.

  32. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail Sunday page is one I did! I wanted to do something on Bald Eagles for the upcoming 4th of July holiday…… but not just a bunch of facts about the bird… dare I say it!?… I wanted to go the PATRIOTIC route! I hope you all enjoy – James

  33. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#25): Were you here when Michael of FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE smugly enjoyed watching his dreadful novel hit the bookstores? Samples of the novel were available online for the masochists among us. For some reason, inexplicable publication seems to be a recurring comic-strip theme.

  34. seismic-2
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#32): I really liked those eagles. (I liked the penguins, too, but they would have made a really strange national symbol.) Happy Independence Day, 4 days hence!

  35. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#34): THANK YOU so much SEISMIC!

  36. Liam
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    FW-Nothing humiliates a guy more than a video taped reading of a dead woman’s teenage diary.

    MW-”The most we can repay you with Mary is our souls.”

    Crankshaft-Missed her by that much.

  37. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Whaddya know? I actually feel a bit guilty for skipping church this morning. Wha-what’s happening to me?


    Apt. 3-G: Given the abrupt shifts in dialogue, it’s kind of fun to imagine today’s episode as Dadaist theater. Expect a long philosophical debate over the nature of human existence to be undermined when it is revealed that Margo is, in fact, a robot played by Zero Mostel. EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.

    Dick Tracy: Of all the lousy and/or batshit details in this crazy story, this one has been bugging me all week: shouldn’t a “space coupe” have two doors?

    Mark Trail: The Real Mark Trail might have mentioned that the eagle on the Ramones logo carries branches from an apple tree in one claw – because the Ramones were “as American as apple pie” – and a baseball bat in the other, a tribute to Johnny’s love of the sport. Along those lines, “DDT did a job on me/Now I am a real sickie” make the perfect opening to a way better national anthem than “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

    Mary Worth: Four bedrooms? So that’s one for Elinor, one for Beth, one for Tom, and one for their loveless sham of a marriage until the old bat dies and gives up the inheritance?

    One Big Happy: This is exactly why our son’s 4K teacher announced that she would no longer be tying shoes after winter break.

    Prince Valiant: I for one look forward to Val’s eventual demise from a thousand paper cuts suffered at the hands of his family. I mean, it’s not like Sinfest gives you much to look forward to on a Sunday anymore.


    Slylock Fox: Using simple math and the date given on the wall, we can deduct that descendants of the Hebrew slaves broke into Pharaoh’s tomb in the year 767 A.D. to write the traditional Jewish meal blessing next to his statue: “They tried to kill us. They failed. Let’s eat!”

    Zippy the Pinhead: Said it before, say it again: Griffith’s little trips down Nostalgia Lane might be pretentious, but I kinda like them, and they’re certainly better than whatever the hell’s going on in Dingburg today. I do wish we’d make a return journey to the Doggie Diner, though. Miss that damn daschund.

  38. maltmasher
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#4):
    You guessed right, it was a repeat- I remember it from an old FC book we had as kids.

  39. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    RMMD: The next day, all the great paintings in all the galleries round the world self-combusted…but it was a good day.

  40. TheDiva
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn, Sunday Rant Edition: Petty squabbling and mudslinging are informed debate, compromise and cooperation are fascism, and we have always been at war with Eurasia.

  41. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    By the way, without irony or snark, I’d like to thank Josh for creating this site and every one of you for the comments. You don’t know how much the laughs help to get me through one of my black periods.

  42. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#40): EastAsia. EastAsia has always been at war with Oceania.

  43. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#40): As for Pibgorn: he almost pulled off a neo-Hobbesian argument before Godwinning himself at the last moment. Always nice to be reminded that Brooke’s political opinions are as advanced as his views on sexuality.

    Memo to Mr. McEldowney: find a rock. Crawl under it. Stay there.

  44. igeek
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    You don’t need the ice cream anyway, ya little porker.

  45. Uncle Lumpy
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#33):

    … inexplicable publication seems to be a recurring comic-strip theme.

    I think cartooning must not pay very much, and the trickle of royalty money from published collections makes a big difference. Then come the thoughts, “I wonder what it’s like for real authors?” Followed by some Michael Patterson – Les Moore – Alan Parker – Sarah Morgan – Beth Kinley b.s. showing they have no clue what it’s like for real authors.

  46. Uncle Lumpy
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Hey, has Tommie Thompson ever written a book? She totally should!

    Sample titles:

    My Life as a ___________
    Tommie Thompson: Fill in the Blanks
    Um, What Was That Again?
    I Could Have Been Margo

  47. C. Sandy Cyst
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Come fly with — A SPIDER??!?!@??!?!?!”?!?”?>?!>$lw4o5skela]omerzdkxnvsdlstfmwpskertzz.s.f;.g……..hhh

  48. Mr K Martin
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    PBS: Admitting a joke is bad doesn’t make it good.

    FC: Is there a joke here? Was one intended? Or is it supposed to be deep and dead serious and fill us with a sense of awe concerning our significance in the endless expanding universe? – Maybe that was PBS’s aim as well.

  49. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Unca Lumpy: it ain’t so hot for us real authors, you betcha life.

  50. Liam
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth-And look here comes the men in the white coats to take Ted away.

    Zits-I’m surprised Jeremy isn’t trying to use his phone to wash his hair.

    A3G-”Everything is perfect. I’m just prone to wild mood swings.”

  51. The Ridger
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    ASM : do papers hire publishers?

  52. revenge4Aldo
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#8): Pretty sure that’s what happened to Eric Clapton’s kid.

  53. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#48): but it is the entire point of Shaggy Dog stories, and Pastis often does this sort of thing on Sundays.

    If punning, go for the groaners, I always say!

  54. Amos Snarkadder
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#32): Thanks, TRMT! Very nice drawing and sentiment!

  55. Sparkle Plenty
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#54):

    Ditto. Beautiful eagles!


    FW: The laughing stock of the industry? Right.

  56. pugfuggly
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#46):

    Ooo! I like this game. How about…

    -The 7 Habits of Barely Noticeable People
    -Yes I Could Have: How I almost became a Pop Star and then Didn’t….
    -I know why the Caged Bird Wobbles

  57. walt d.
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    FW: Making the world safe for Les being the only one allowed to profiteer off a cancer victim. Makes a fella proud. Some night when you stumble home from your minimum wage job covered with flour and oil, you might think about that, Darin. It’ll be especially poignant when your wife emails you from California that the project is taking extra time and she’s not really sure when she’ll be back.

  58. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#45): There is no money in being an author. AMA about bitterness.

  59. Amos Snarkadder
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MW “Are you kidding, Mother? We would love something like that!”
    So, the worm has turned. Yes, Tom has been good for Beth: She can dish out abuse on her mother with ease.
    “Now, Mother, what do you say when Mary helps us?”
    “Yes, thank you, Mary.”

    BG&SS Love the pig! That’s what we need – more pigs!

  60. yaoi huntress earth
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Does anyone even get what he’s saying in that rant?

    9CWL: I’m surprised Brooke even knows what Star Trek is?

  61. Daniel
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    FC I always think Thel’s words in Dr. Girlfriend’s voice.

  62. walt d.
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    OBH: This is amazingly lewd. I think it has more to do with remembering the past than anticipating the future. Which makes it even more lewd. It’s also not very believable in a boy that age–either the shoe tying or the breast ogling. The next to last panel would make an interesting t-shirt. A couple of them would.

  63. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#62): Where are you seeing this? My OBH has the family in a restaurant getting a doggie bag.

  64. Ratiocinator
    June 30th, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: If Sarah cracks under the pressure (she’s depressed about something in the last panel of today’s strip) before the end of this storyline, I will be a happy Ratiocinator.

    9CL: That was actually not terrible up until Thorax showed his ugly face and said something not remotely funny. I think the joke would’ve worked better if he’d just swatted the ship and then walked away in silence.

    JP: “If his stateroom desk is like ours…I can’t finish that sentence the way I normally would, because this is a family strip! So, um, they’re using the desk for writing. Yes, writing. That is the only thing one might conceivably do on top of a desk.”

  65. bbofun
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#63): is the one they’re taliking about- I had to look around for it, too.

  66. walt d.
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#63): GC has reruns of OBH. If you hit the creators button on the right side it takes you to the creators site and the ostensibly current OBH.

  67. the REAL Mark Trail
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#54): THANK YOU! @Sparkle Plenty (#55): and THANK YOU… readers make it all worth it!

  68. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Are Robbie and JJJ, Jr. on the DL? Robbie attachment to Jonah seems more like fuck buddies than coworkers.

  69. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Oh come on now. Leaving an unattended picnic basket on a toddler’s floor is about as safe from molestation as leaving it in Jellystone Park.

  70. Ratiocinator
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#2):

    Sure, the writing on the wall. But also, well-known archaeologist Selim Scorpion is standing right there, pleading with them not to disturb his dig.

    Damn it, I was going to make a similar joke over on The Slylock Files.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#8):

    only to have a passing eagle catch her enormous head in its talons and carry her home to feed her young.

    Just curious, did you read the same Team Fortress 2 comic that I did?

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#41): Back atcha, buddy. :)

  71. TheDiva
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#60): I get what he’s trying to say, and I do actually agree with it: dissent, and the freedom to express it, is an essential component of democracy. Unfortunately a) holding up the current hyper-partisan climate in the United States is not the best example of that ideal and b) suggesting that the only other option to that climate totalitarianism kind of kills any genuine value to the point he was trying to make.

  72. walt d.
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m going to pass on looking up the full strip, and just suffer through the coming dailies. I’m beginning to think these people are serious. On the plus side, if Sarah becomes more wealthy than her parents she might set aside her plans to kill off her little brother and thereby preserve her fat inheritance.

  73. tallyHO
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#6):

    I’m not sure what your solution is…exactly…but in trying to read between the lines, it seems like the solution to which you allude involves trading one child for another round of ice cream cones.

    On the cusp, it seems at best a temporary solution. It seems like a TV news report waiting to happen. With nothing but public shame to follow the story being told.
    On the whole, If only ice cream cone was what Thel got and it weighed as much as the child she traded…that’s tough to resist.

    It actually would seem like the ice cream sweat shop would be prepared for the occasion, if you ask me.

    The obvious upside for Thel: one less mouth to feed and enough ice cream to feed the remaining family for quite a while. She won’t need to…waitasecond!

    Hold the phone! Call Aunt Acid cuz I’m startin to feel quesay! Tell her to throw in some of those world famous magic pills she’s famous for!

    Isn’t there a child already missing from this picture? I believe it is Billy.

    Dang, Thel, become a better negotiator! One Billy would fetch more than just four cones, if I do say so. If you had gotten a good deal, you could have had replacement cones at the ready, already.

  74. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#65) and @walt d. (#66): OMG! I could see Buggy Crispino totally looking down a chick’s top, maybe James, but not Joe.

  75. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    MW — I accept that all stories must end with Protestations Of Gratitude And Praise. It’s Mary’s strip, after all. But couldn’t we make the POGAPs more interesting? Couldn’t the grateful medlees dance around Mary in a circle, waving tree branches and chanting praise to Mary’s power, majesty and wisdom in ancient Sumerian? Those still able to bend their torsos could then kneel before her or even prostate themselves, still chanting. I’d suggest selective clothing removal, but this is MW.

  76. tallyHO
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#45):
    Don’t forget Snoopy!

  77. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Buckles reminds me of the twists and turns in a Judge Pissyface Parker storyline. Goes all over the place, knocks into a rock, ends up pretty much at the beginning.

    PJ has knees?

  78. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    MT — Yay eagles! Nice to see them today.

  79. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#75): I think Jeff Corey, and maybe Wilbur Weston when Dr. Corey’s out of the country, prostate themselves in front of Mary.

    // Dingo could have taken this idea much further than me.

  80. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#75): Prostrate, prostrate, prostrate. Dear lord. There is no excuse.

  81. bbofun
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    We live in strange times when JUDGE PARKER and THE PHANTOM both have stories set on cruise ships, but it’s PHANTOM that’s giving us the cheesecake.

    MW-”I am filled with hope and gratitude,” directed towards Mary, is pretty much the end of every storyline, right?
    I do love (honestly) how Elinor hasn’t really changed, and rightly so- “Don’t tell her how much you want it, you little fool! We need to bargain from a position of strength!”

    A3G- Here’s the problem with “recap” Sunday strips- unless it’s continued on Monday (which seems unlikely), anyone who missed Saturday will never find why Margo is crying (and, honestly- MARGO CAN CRY? When did her creators add that capability?).

    RMMD- Sarah’s suddenly realized that inspiration doesn’t come on demand, and she’s sad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    (Honestly, this is just what I said- this is actually child abuse. It doesn’t matter that she asked for it- the adults involved should know it’s ridiculous to put a 5-year-old in a position of having to work.)

    But, still- poor little Sarah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    FW- Frankie suddenly realizes his bastard has found true love, and Frankie will never have that happiness, or be able to share in his kid’s life. DON’T CARE.

    PHANTOM- So, what do the 40′s style shorts-and top have to do with the weapons? Hold on- i don’t care, because it means we’re gonna see these hotties in them! HUBBA-HUBBA! WOO-WOO! (and other 40s-style exclamations of lust.)

    I was going to comment on Cranky cutting down a tree when we spent three weeks on him as the savior of trees, but others beat me to it.

    Pigporn- How is it possible that this is actually MORE offensive than his usual impalement-fetish-porn?

    Okay, I don’t want to get political, so I’ll keep this general- it IS good that our government has opposing sides, and that debate (and even rancor) is part of the process. But when debate turns to obstructionism, even on subjects that have NOTHING to do with the controversy (e.g., stalling or denying a vote on one law or confirmation because of something else you don’t like) then it is completely acceptable for people top be upset. Expecting legislators not to act like children isn’t the same as advocating Naziism or Stalinism.

    9CL- Douglas Adams (as usual) did it first, and better-

  82. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Looking at One Big Happy again, that Joe has a leer on his kisser that just won’t quit.

  83. Joe Blevins
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: This comic does prove one thing — Peter Parker (or Selfie-Man, if you will, since that’s more or less his job) does need to pull up his mask a little in order to talk on the phone. Presumably, all those times when we’ve seen him talking with the mask all the way down, his voice was muffled to the point that he was unintelligible. Peter no doubt used this to confuse and disorient his enemies, since there aren’t many fair fights he could win. Notice, though, that Peter doesn’t pull the mask up over his ears, though. If the mask inhibits speaking, it would probably inhibit hearing as well. A puzzlement, no? But maybe he doesn’t need to hear in order to carry on a conversation with his boss. “Right, right, right. Pictures of the Green Goblin or whatever. I’ll get ‘em. Relax. Just send me money!”

    (Doesn’t Jameson get suspicious that all the pics he must get of Spider-Man show him with his right arm extended and his right hand just out of frame?)

  84. Odie Odo
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Henry I don’t which surprises me more: that Henry’s mother sewed his socks to his shoes or that Henry wears tighty-whities.

  85. walt d.
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Of the entries thus far, this is the most comprehensible. Unfortunately, being understandable, it also veers too close to the P word to be discussed here.

    9CL: (general statement) The essence of 9CL is that its human characters are frequently in need of a cold shower, while its readers are frequently in need of a hot one. Also, the small animals are entertaining and well-drawn.

  86. Odie Odo
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#84): “I don’t know which surprises me more…”

  87. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    The fourth bedroom at future Casa de Kinley-Harpman is storage for the mountains of adult diapers that an unnamed Kinley fills at a Marvin Miller-like rate. Hint: it’s not Elinor. Extra hint: Tom’s kinkier than he looks.

  88. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#84): I hadn’t noticed. Now I can’t miss it.

  89. seismic-2
    June 30th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: More horsey drawings, mule!

  90. Odie Odo
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Todd the Dinosaur Even Wilbur Weston would have trouble stomaching a monkey sammich with extra mustard.

  91. Liam
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    MW-Let’s see a four bedroom condo. One room for Beth and Tom. One room for Elinor. One room for Mary Worth when Beth and Tom invite her into their lives after the wedding. One room for Beth and Tom’s kinky sexual activities. Yep. That seems to work out alright.

    MT-The bald eagle! You always hear about the bald eagle but you never hear about the obviously wearing a bad wig eagle or the shaves it’s head to hide the fact that it is balding eagle.

  92. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#71): Yes, it actually is very Hobbesian, or anti-Hobbesian: the war of all against all, sublimated into political discourse, keeps a democracy afloat. The only alternative is what Hobbes called the Leviathan, and what we might call a central, overwhelming authority…

  93. Calico
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Thel is becoming Delia Grinstead from Anne Tyler’s “Ladder of Years.”

  94. Calico
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#89):
    Oh no, another moody genius artist. Just don’t cut off your earlobe, Sawah.

  95. NotThatGuy
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    FC: Ma Keane COULD give PJ her cone…except she’s already been through this an knows to get herself an ucky “adult” flavor like maple-walnut or rum raisin so she won’t be forced to share.

  96. Calico
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#16):
    Thel, soon there is going to be an extra bedroom in a 4-bedroom condo at Charterstone – just thought I’d mention it!

    @Poteet (#20): Noro does that. Back in 2002 (when I was moving from VT to QC of all things) I got it, and as Elizabeth Hasselbeck said back in the day when she was on Survivor, I wanted someone to just “Stick a fork in me.” I seriously was hoping I’d either go unconscious, or die.

  97. Northern lurker
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    JP: so when the judge’s piece of crap novel becomes a piece if crap movie does he ask Constance who this Roger Ebert is?

  98. Calico
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#80):
    Men, please get it checked and don’t be shy – Movember is coming up!
    (I liked your faux pas, actually)

  99. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#96): Thank you. Very well-described. I’d be absolutely terrified of Noro-Man. Spider-Man, who cares.

  100. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#98): Wait, what? I thought “Movember” was about growing mustaches, not getting fingers stuck up butts.

  101. Calico
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#100):
    It’s a thing I learned about a couple of years ago – November is PSA level check month, and lots of guys grow a mustache in support of the movement.
    At our IGA during that month you can donate $, and receive a cool paper handlebar mustache to wear, even if you’re a gal. : ) Puts a little lightheartedness into a serious cause.

  102. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#101): Oh, nevermind! [/Emily Latella]

  103. agony
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#62): I’ve worked with boys this age, and it’s entirely believable. They might not be 100% sure why they want to look at your boobs, but they know they do.

  104. Alison
    June 30th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan”: I like to imagine this strip takes place a year down the road, after Widdle Sarah has published eight “Field Trip Series” novels, all national best-sellers. She has now fallen into the trap many celebrities before her fell into: realizing that, alas, fame and wealth cannot make her happy, and that the world of celebrity is hollow and sad, leaving her a depressed shell of her former shelf. What’s next for Widdle Sarah after this? Will she turn to drugs and alcohol for comfort, becoming a has-been with no money and no choice but to go on shitty reality shows, like so many stars before her? (I do hope so.)

    “Mary Worth”: I notice Beth thanks Mary for introducing her to Tom and telling them about the apartment going up on sale, but not for making Elinor nicer. This is progress, at least. I was totally expecting Beth to add, “Mary, thank you for changing my mother’s outlook, even though it happened because of a dream that had nothing to do with you!”

  105. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y62):

    Deer are bad enough, but moose are even worse!

  106. Calico
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#102):
    : )
    Sorry if you were joking – some days I’m a bit hopeless, LOL! *Sigh*

    In other news, I’m completely loving JJJ today. He’d be a very interesting dinner guest.

  107. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#105):

    And it’s happened here in MN, up north though. I bet it’s much more common in Canada and Alaska!

    // I live in the southern part of the state myself…

  108. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Beetle Bumstead (#184):

    In rural MN, it’s referred to as “shining”

  109. Alison
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#62):
    Yeah, I wasn’t too impressed with this strip, either. I’m also surprised it made it into the papers, since very old people seem to love comics and they tend to be easily offended. Wasn’t it not that long ago that “Zits” got in big trouble because Jeremy said the word “sucks”?

  110. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    SM – Spidee’s gonna take photos? HOW?

    I don’t think he packed his camera, and even if he did, it’s likely that the thief would have taken it!


  111. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#107):

    Or should I say that I live in the northwest part of the southeast part of the state…..

  112. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#60): I’m guessing that the original Trek is now old enough that it’s starting to impinge on his awareness. Clearly, he disapproves of this newfangled science fiction stuff.

    As for the other, I’m guessing that he believes a functional government is the same thing as tyranny, and one in which people disagree purely for the sake of disagreement is the highest form of democracy. But then, this is a man who suffers from a persecution complex, in which he believes that all his critics are just out to tear him down out of prudery and/or jealousy, rather than because his plotting is incoherent and his artwork fetishy.

  113. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#20):

    Jeez! I hope that you’re not speaking from experience!

    Very funny snark though!

  114. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#99): Come to think of it, I want Spidey to have to fight Noro-Man. “What kind of stupid costume is that, with those little spiky balls? And spritzing me from a little bottle? How’s THAT supposed to….umm…urrrgh…wait a minute..gaaaah….*abruptly ruins his blue tights*

  115. Purple Prosecutor
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    “On top of that, the Sentinel just hired a hot new publisher! He’s scooping us left and right with his headlines about ‘MUTANT ENTITY DETECTED’ and ‘TARGET ELIMINATED’! Get me some photos of Spider-Man that’ll make him say ‘UNABLE TO CONTINUE MISSION’!”

    Seriously, this is Marvel Comics. I can’t have been the only one who read “Sentinel” as “giant mutant-hunting robot” instead of “rival newspaper”, right?

  116. Anonymous
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3G – “Oh, Tommie, I just saw the breadth of my domain. I weep for there are no more worlds to conquer.”

  117. Poteet
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#113): Thank you. Alas, personal experience was involved. Can’t know for sure if I got it from the plane, but given the timing and circumstances, it’s likely.

  118. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    The TDP Retriever Index for the month of June fell slightly, down a hair from May. Returns were steady over the course of the month, for a total of 33%, equaling April’s results.

  119. Ratiocinator
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Northern lurker (#97): He would if Roger Ebert were reviewing it, but unfortunately he can’t do that any more. :(

  120. tymime
    June 30th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    FC: That is a truly awful thing to assume your mother would do. Jeffy, you’re a selfish bastard.

  121. Kibo
    June 30th, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    The last time Spider-Man tried to pose for pictures with La Tarantula it led to a Spectacular Sucker-Punch:

  122. commodorejohn
    June 30th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (Y209): Every time I think I’m joking… o_O

    (But seriously: the more people shooting deer, the better!)

  123. Calico
    June 30th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    PJ has killed two men. Margo has only killed one.

  124. Flonatin of Bologna
    June 30th, 2013 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    So, obviously they’re not making any more newsprint, because it’s not like demand is going up.

  125. Majicou
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#62): I’m not sure how old Joe is supposed to be, exactly, but… yeah, I buy it. Boys develop “curiosities” like this at different times. As for the shoelaces, he was presumably just betting that the woman wouldn’t notice that he was plenty old enough to tie his own damn shoes.

    I’m remembering a conversation from the movie Big about this, um, activity, and even though those boys were meant to be about 12, probably a few years older than Joe, still…

  126. Amos Snarkadder
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#104):

    “Mary Worth”: I notice Beth thanks Mary for introducing her to Tom and telling them about the apartment going up on sale, but not for making Elinor nicer. This is progress, at least. I was totally expecting Beth to add, “Mary, thank you for changing my mother’s outlook, even though it happened because of a dream that had nothing to do with you!”

    Unless Mary pulled one of those lucid dream/Inception kinds of manipulations of Elinor!
    Nah, Mary’s so psychically powerful, she doesn’t need to resort to such parlor games.

  127. bbofun
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Just because Richard Thompson just linked to it in his blog (which you should really be reading), and because we (I include myself) often snark about “show, don’t tell”- a great example of not showing being funnier.

  128. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#117):

    Too bad Spidee couldn’t have endured that for you!

  129. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#114): ::laughing::

  130. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

  131. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#130):

    And how ironic – Poteet’s unfortunate gastrointestinal experience leads to some great snark!

  132. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

  133. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @Northern lurker (#97): I don’t think he has to worry about any Roger Ebert reviews.

  134. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#108): In Springfield, it’s known as “the shinning.”

  135. seismic-2
    June 30th, 2013 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#133): Alan Parker’s screenplay will be so bad that critics will return from the dead just to pan it. “I thought I had already learned what eternal damnation was, but then I went to see The Chambers Affair at the Hell Cineplex, and…”

  136. cheech wizard
    June 30th, 2013 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    FC – “I’m sorry PJ, but I guess Jesus just doesn’t think you should have any ice cream today. You wouldn’t want Mommy to go against the will of Jesus, would you?”

    Pigborn – Actually, the route to the concentration camp occurs when acrimonious debate so paralyzes the body politic that one side finally decides to act unilaterally and seize power. On the plus side, snooty artistes are usually the first ones on the train.

  137. walt d.
    June 30th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    OBH: I was surprised because this is such a steadfastly “family friendly” strip, and boys this young ogling developed females is pretty much unheard of in the comics. And this isn’t just staring across the yard and making a remark to a friend. Having said all that, there’s Buggy. Grandpa once described James as “an autopsy waiting to happen”. Buggy is a registered sex offender waiting to happen. Buggy would ask to see the whole thing. THAT would probably not get into print in many papers.

    OBH: Speaking of Buggy, I’m surprised such a precocious character would be bothering with Ruthie. Given his brashness and his “interests” I would think he would be attracting girls a couple years older, much as Margaret and Gina are attracted to Dennis.

    OBH Obviously grade school boys are sexually curious about girls, though not interested in the “girl friend” idea. I stand corrected by those in a position to know that they are also aware of and interested in the attributes of mature girls. I’m simply too old to remember what I thought about teenage girls when I was eight. I do remember far enough back that most such girls in that situation would have thought it was pretty funny.

  138. Barbed-1
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Fam Circus: Is it plagiarization if you steal your own father’s stuff? This ice-cream cone schtick carries a 2013 date but (except for updated cars) it’s a rerun of Papa Bil’s work from the 1960′s or 1970′s.

  139. Liam
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Archie-Of course there’s reruns on. There hasn’t been a new episode of “The Brady Bunch” since sometime in the Seventies.

    Wee Pals-I prefer “In the Navy”.

  140. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    The “Next!” box is aptly baffled at what it’s expected to say. “Come fly with… a spider? Really, you think that’s good copy? Okay bud, it’s your money.”

  141. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: Yeah, I’m in no mood to watch this lame self-congratulation either.

    SFx: Offhand I’d say that the hot pink spray paint all over the pharaoh statue is a good sign others have been here recently.

    Momma: If ever a pizza guy hoped that his job wouldn’t turn into a porno…

    MW: Obviously Beth didn’t inherit her mother’s negotiating skills. Her publisher probably pays her in Subway coupons.

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: So the weapons are going to provide blatant fanservice too?

    GA: Harking back to his attempt to destroy a basketball court with a meteorite, Slim narrowly misses Rufus with a bazooka.

    OBH: Why do I feel like I should have cued up “Yakety Sax” before I read this one?

    9CL: Picard deserved a better end.

  143. seismic-2
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    OBH: Way back when I was at the learn-how-to-tie-your-shoelaces age, it would have been perfectly normal for boys that old to wonder just what women look like underneath their shirts. Nowadays, however, I would think they should no longer have any uncertainty on the subject, just from the magazine covers in the supermarket check-out lines.

  144. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Purple Prosecutor (#115): I can’t have been the only one who read “Sentinel” as “giant mutant-hunting robot” instead of “rival newspaper”, right?

    Actually, I think the “Sentinel” reference is a nod to the Green Hornet.

    Britt Reid, wealthy young publisher of the Daily Sentinel newspaper by day, fights crime in his masked Green Hornet identity at night.

  145. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#23): “Beware of Joey” might be one of the least intimidating warnings ever.

  146. walt d.
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I’ve just been listening to a segment on Eric Fischl on public radio. He made his name and fortune by painting rather slimy representations of suburban life. It struck me that he and Brooke have a lot in common, being obsessed with off-putting sexual activity, except that Brooke can draw and can use color effectively.

  147. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 30th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

  148. Dartpaw86
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @maltmasher (#38):

    So that’s why it was actually tolerable… hey Jeff Keane. Here’s a tip. If you’re too lazy to make new comics. Maybe you shouldn’t be writing a comic strip!

    Jeff: I could make new comics and show how talented I can be.

    Or I can just be a lazy a** and repeat old ones because those stupid idiots who read my comic will never know! Mwahahahaha

    June 30th, 2013 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    —Pibgorn: Does anyone even get what he’s saying in that rant?–

    Yes. What it boils down to is that the artist didn’t feel like working today, so he decided to write a wall of text in hopes that people will be stupid enough to believe that the strip has some profound message.

    Did that help?

  150. Sgt. Stoned
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: Who is Margaret Walker? Is she “the Ghostess who walks”?

    MT: I’ll bet that for the right price “Big Mike” will get you all the stuffed and mounted bald eagles that you need to impress your friends.

  151. Droopy Says
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, Brooke, it was absolutely wrong for us to have a uniform, righteous purpose in World War II. That’s what put our army on the road to the concentration camps. Now go hand-fuck a Nazi.

  152. Cloudbuster
    June 30th, 2013 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: It’s an explicitly political comic, and thus difficult to discuss here, but I more or less agree with Brooke. The point isn’t just that free expression is important to good government, or that a hyper-partisan climate is its best expression, but it’s a truism that efficient government is dangerous government.

    Our three-part, multi-party, only partially-elected system was structurally designed to have the various parts pitted against each other. It’s not supposed to be efficient. When things take a turn for the efficient, say a negligent Congress cedes too much power to the bureaucracy, which can efficiently make rules unchecked by electoral concerns; or the executive, frustrated with a deadlocked Congress decides to legislate through executive decree; or an over-weening judiciary decides to legislate from the bench, all these things can be efficient at achieving ends, but at great cost. One hopes that when any branch goes too far, the other branches, or the public, or the press, will pull the overall structure back into alignment. We have all of the above examples happening at once, so the system is shaking. It’s hard to say what will happen.

  153. Cloudbuster
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#151): Well, since we’ve already Godwinned here, I’d say that it’s unfair to Brooke to imply that we shouldn’t have united to fight the Nazis. And I’d point out that the Nazis, as well as Communists under Mao, Stalin, Castro, , Kim Il-Sung, and Pol Pot all were popular movements and thought their causes were righteous, and united their nations in implementing atrocities in their names. The fact that some causes are righteous does not imply that we should not be suspicious whenever government and people begin moving with “uniform, righteous purpose” — it’s human nature that people will do so at least as often in the cause of evil as of good.

    At least when we’re arguing, we’re thinking.

  154. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    foody alert:

    Iron Chef America:

    M. Voltaggio v Flay

  155. Peanut Gallery
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#135): Oh, that’s good! I read Ebert’s I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie, and I can definitely imagine him starting a review that way from beyond the grave.

  156. yaoi huntress earth
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#153): That’s the problem. Brooke makes an interesting point, but it was the execution of that hurts it. He has potential and ideas, but wrecks them the second they pop up.

  157. Uncle Lumpy
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#155):

    Ah, his review of North, with and Elijah Wood, and Bruce Willis as the Easter Bunny. Probably not the single worst movie of all time, but still …

  158. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#135): What @Peanut Gallery said. Ebert always was one for a little fun, can’t imagine he’d let something so minor as being dead stop him.

  159. Mr. Yezpitelok
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#4): Okay, to be honest, I actually like today’s Family Circus.

    @anonymous (#5): Family Circus: This is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever read, congratulations.

    Which one of you is Jeffy Keane?

  160. agony
    June 30th, 2013 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#153): At least when we’re arguing, we’re thinking.
    Not necessarily. Sometimes when we are arguing we’re like the comments section on an unmoderated corner of the internet, (no, no, not this one!) blaring out our own side so loudly that we can’t hear anyone else, downvoting willy-nilly and copy-pasting irrelevant rants.

  161. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Daniel (#61): Dr. Girlfriend’s voice is fun for those occasions when she does speak. Thing is Thel’s only slightly more talkative than Harpo Marx.

  162. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @$$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$ (#149):
    Brooke makes the defensible point that it’s better that the parties don’t cooperate on everything. Of course he says it in the tone of a pompous soused party guest who won’t leave your home and he makes it unnecessarily Godwin-y. Par for the course, really.

  163. to tell the truth
    June 30th, 2013 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#159): will the real jeff keane please stand up?

  164. Majicou
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#162): To paraphrase a fine film, “You’re not wrong, Brooke, you’re just an asshole.”

    Should we note that today was the day Brooke finally achieved his dream and just replaced his comic with a soapbox-y wall of text? I’ve never seen anyone who so obviously doesn’t want to work in the medium he works in. I’d say that Brooke fancies himself a latter-day Ben Franklin, but Franklin knew how to draw fucking cartoons.

    Oh, and 9CL was just bullshit. Everyone knows the USS Intrepid was destroyed by a giant space amoeba.

  165. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#164): Oh, I think he fancies himself as a modern-day Ambrose Bierce, but lacks the deft wit needed to carry it off.

    It’s pretty typical of the man – he can have a decent point to make, sometimes, but he’s so hamfisted about it he ends up offending everyone, regardless of their position on the matter. And he’ll never improve, because he believes that he’s being pithy, rather than overly simplistic.

  166. Droopy Says
    June 30th, 2013 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    The Absentminded Spiderman: Don’t worry about that, Parker. A malicious justifiably outraged airline agent has diverted Crankshaft to revolution-torn Costa Wormy. He’ll distract the TSA for you. Of course you’ll have to sit next to him, but for once we’ll enjoy watching him make someone miserable.

    Family Circus: PJ has it made in the shade, even if he hasn’t grown since he was born.

    Creepy Les: Killjoy is here. Killjoy is always here. FIFY, Batyuck.

    Jugs Parker: His hands say that she doesn’t measure out up to this strip’s usual stanDDarDDs.

    Phantom: On this day in 1916, the British and French launched their first infantry assaults on the Somme. Coincidentally, that’s when this arc began.

    Pluggers remember when real phones didn’t have those fancy, curly lines to the handset, much less those gimmicky new dials that you can’t use unless you know the alphabet.

  167. walt d.
    July 1st, 2013 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    OBH: Our controversial comic draws only three comments on Creators: one offended, one offensive, and one that could be on here. Oddly, GC has several comments on the Creators comic. About half these people don’t seem to grasp that Joe untied his own shoe.

  168. greghousesgf
    July 1st, 2013 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    @NotThatGuy (#95): Maple walnut was one of my favorite flavors as a kid (it still is!)
    Congratulations, Jeffy, you’re a bigger jerk than Bart Simpson! He at least shared his cone with Lisa in an old episode back when the Simpsons used to be funny.

  169. Uncle Lumpy
    July 1st, 2013 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#168):

    … the Simpsons used to be funny.

    Wait, what? Everything is seemingly spinning out of control!

  170. Majicou
    July 1st, 2013 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#165): He believes he’s being pithy while he’s being incredibly verbose. The True Artist, ladies and gentlemen!

  171. Run Silent, Run Deep
    July 1st, 2013 at 5:30 am [Reply]

    @nike free run cheap (#170): You can’t kid a kidder!

  172. seismic-2
    July 1st, 2013 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    @nike free run cheap (#170): Yeah, that Thorax can be a real pain, amiright?

  173. gleeb
    July 1st, 2013 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    Beetle: Sarge has the brain-damaging effects of alcohol well judged.

    ‘bean: Are the killjoys on the side of the infantilizing nitpickers?

    Judge Privileged: And a new “bus” and large amounts of money given to me for no reason.

    Mark: Now please. Mr Smith ad the otter want to be alone.

  174. Peanut Gallery
    July 1st, 2013 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    @nike free run cheap (#170):

    Desired this Bape, Bape, Showering Ape! Dipping Ape or further also known as BAPE

    People, don’t be fooled by cheap Garbage Ape knockoffs!

  175. Cloudbuster
    July 1st, 2013 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    @nike free run cheap (#170): Brooke, is that you?

  176. Sparrow
    July 1st, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Spidey: The longer I look at that penultimate panel, the more convinced I am that Spidey’s trying to pick his nose through his mask. This forgetting when he has his costume on business is really getting out of hand.

  177. tallyHO
    July 1st, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#169):

    greghousesgf:|… the Simpsons used to be funny.

    uncle lumpy:Wait, what? Everything is seemingly spinning out of control!

    This day was bound to come. Why? I’m sure it was 24 years ago that I said if they don’t do anything now before it is too late, then the next 24 years and beyond will be rough ones for fans of the show.

    In fact, I was rifling through my notes from back then.
    Hmmm. It turns out I am not a US Senator. How quaint.
    But, my plain to win a Senate seat was inspired then and may still hold up.

    It is called The Simpsons Entertainus Act. Its purpose was to ensure the quality of that unique TV show as it would be the only primetime cartoon in the year 2013.

  178. Dr. P and the Women
    July 1st, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus – Remember that Twilight Zone episode where the young woman keeps trying to drive away from a mysterious, sinister hitchhiker who always stays right behind her now matter how far she goes? Then she eventually realizes he’s Death, and she’s just been running away from the fact that she had died in an accident earlier herself?

    That’s kind of what I’m picturing for Ma Keene if she makes a break for it, here. Constantly seeing apparitions of smug melon-headed children in her rear view mirror, she keeps driving faster and faster but is unable to outrun them. Eventually she snaps and tries to hit one with the car, only for it to teleport into the backseat and start asking her for more ice cream. She can’t escape, she’s been dead all along.

  179. the baron
    July 2nd, 2013 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I luv luv lurv the heroic pose Spidey strikes in the first panel
    [whiney luke skywalker tone] “But I need reimbursement on my expense account to pick up some power coverters in Toshi Station!”

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