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Friday quickies

Herb and Jamaal, 7/12/13

Herb’s mother-in-law is a fallen angel, cast out of Heaven after she and her evil confederates attempted to rebel against the Almighty.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/12/13

The introduction of flatlander science into Hootin’ Holler could have radical implications for the lives of the community’s inhabitants, which is why Maddy’s boy will probably be burned at the stake by the end of the week.

Dick Tracy, 7/12/13

“I know cigarette smoke could really irritate a throat injury, Dick, so just say something if you don’t want me to light up. No? Nothing? I’ll just take your silence as permission!”

Blondie, 7/12/13

It’s kind of sad when your real name is more embarrassing than “Pastrami Guy.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/12/13

Grimm would like to “take a personal day,” for sex.

197 responses to “Friday quickies”

  1. Huckleberry Fink
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy: It’s a little known fact that the bird sitting on the butler’s head was an inspiration to Johnny Depp when he designed his “Tonto” character:

    http://www.creators.com/comics/one-big-happy/107743.html

  2. Jasper Jinx
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Everybody check out TOM THE DANCING BUG today… available on the Yahoo comics. Tom is taking on the comics page today, and look closely at the strip Hillbilly Billy, of the Hills. The critic there is someone we all know and love!

  3. revenge4Aldo
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: “The Paper” runs the headline “Crisis Worsens” everyday. It’s the Batiukverse, there’s always a crisis worsen somewhere.

  4. Lumaca Morente
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    Happy 9 years and ONE DAY anniversary, Josh! Too much celebrating last night, huh?

  5. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    9CL – I notice that her passion cooled considerably once she got his shirt open and got a look at his pasty, concave chest.

    Didn’t they abolish the vow of chastity on the night she had sex with him while he was asleep and then told him it was just a dream? More recently, wasn’t Edda asking Amos on Monday to role play with her the fantasy of a “brief debauched encounter” with Sveth? Just another plot point that comes and goes at random.

  6. Mountain Goat bisected by Speech Balloon
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    H&J I see that Herb believes in an easygoing folksy deity, rather than the fire-and-brimstone God of the Bible who might strike you dead for, say, claiming that you’re superior to him in some way.

    BG&SS “He quit before they taught him ’bout engineerin’ in the third d’mension, so none of the bridges he built got any width to ‘em…”

    Blondie ‘Pastrami Guy’ doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘Spiderman’, but I’ll bet he does a better job fighting crime using salted cured meats.

  7. Thrax
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    H&J: It’s worse than that. Herb’s mother-in-law is an End-User License Agreement.

  8. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    @Mountain Goat bisected by Speech Balloon (#6):

    Dagggonit.

    Stupid goat! GET OUT OF MY COMMENT BOX!

  9. nescio
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    H&J: Eula joins iron chariots on the list of things beyond God’s power. (Judges 1:19)

    Blondie: “DAGWOOD” was rejected as a personalized license plate, the clerk found it vaguely suggestive.

  10. Liam
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Blondie-I guess Dagwood couldn’t go with his first idea of “Hot Beef Guy”.

    Spiderman-Jameson don’t say that out loud. Obama has ears everywhere and will take you out.

    A3G-As Peter makes the long drive back to Albany without any of his security.

    Gasoline Alley-”Right. You just got here and who are you again?”

    Gasoline Alley 2-Your pops has a memory worse than a goldfish.

    Gil Thorp-’Beau Dandy’ and your father dressed like a gay cowboy. Was it a homoerotic wrestling league?

    JP-That’s right, Randy. Your great and glorious government knows everything about you.

    MW-”I also can’t feel my legs.”

    MW 2-Is it nap time?

    RMMD-Who do you think you are, Sarah? One of those “Judge Parker” people.

  11. CanuckDownSouth
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Phantom: did the kid just arrive in the trenches without having had any contact with fighting soldiers during training? Because “getting mowed down” was pretty much how WWI operated.

    JP: Also calling BS. The “background check” for a serious security clearance is no good without interviewing people close to him – who would tell him this is going on. Plus that still can’t substitute for grilling the guy himself.

    Luann: I should really just drop this one. Tiffany is often unfairly maligned (and TJ can do despicable stuff but is a good guy because he’s Brad’s friend). But not even that is consistent (and so amusingly snarkable). Tiffany went from “acting like a pro” despite Quill *finally* making it clear that he’s with Luann to “just as unprofessional as Quill” in one day. Is it supposed to be that Tiffany’s motivation to act is her desire to impress Quill? That would contradict a lot of past stuff like the interning and so on. So it’s really just whatever Evans wants to pull without any thought to even one-dimensional characters – and that’s boring.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Grimm: He’s happy to be going with the girl dog. See how he wags his tail? ….Huh? OmiGod, THAT’S NOT HIS TAIL!!!!

    H&J: Herb thinks he’s more able to handle something than God?! Wow, has THAT guy got an ego!

    Blondie: It’s funny because Dagwood is getting Alzheimer’s.

    9CL: Cool, Amos, that means we won’t have to read these (9CL) anymore!

    FW: (following her pointing) The Batiuk aisle? Perfect — his stuff’s been getting old for a long time now.

    RMMD: Money to buy the necessary tools of the creative process sure do get in the way of the creative process, don’t they?

    JP: Edda and all you Burbers, don’t even bother anymore, you can’t top the NSA lady in the boyfriend/husband emasculating game. Don’t even try!

  13. Brick Bradford
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    9CL Wait, vow of what? And didn’t we just see a woody joke in the funny papers?

    A3G Two concepts never before contained in the same sentence: Intelligent conversation and Luann.

    DT Still haven’t got a clue.

    MW Oh no. Her dark powers are being restored.

  14. Downpuppy
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#10): Gil Thorp: Are there wrestling leagues that aren’t homoerotic?

    And the Subwich is on Electric Avenue.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#10):

    Obama has ears everywhere

    That makes him fun to caricature.

  16. Dick Schuman's Liver
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: You know, you could be proactively taking responsibility for your own health, through diet and regular exercise … nah, too much effort. Just camp out in the doctor’s office, and gulp down the potent and unpleasant medications he prescribes, regardless of the antagonistic pharmacological interactions.

  17. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    ASM “A SPIDERMAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY!!! AHA HA HA HA H-ow my neck….”

    A3G “A couple of drinks is just what this governor needs….whoa, I think the mushrooms are kicking in….just look at the steering wheeeeeeel…..”

    JP “Nope, the NSA did a full background check on you and fell asleep while reading the report. You’re bland enough not to be a security threat!”

    MT My new favourite character in Mark Trail is the otter looking directly at the reader in the first panel “What did you say? Steel jawed traps? And you weren’t going to tell me?”

    MW Wow, I sincerely hope we get a whole other week of Mary lying back and relaxing, unclenching muscles, sighing with pleasure as she ‘feels it’ and….hold on…I think I’m going to be…nope, caught it in my mouth, we’re ok….

    RMMD Oh man, that last panel is priceless “Interfere with the creative process? Let me tell you something about the creative process, Mommy: I don’t give a %*&$ about it. The only process I’m interested in is making mad *%$#ing money with as little effort as possible. $*%@ med school, is what I’m saying…”

  18. McManx
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    @Jasper Jinx (#2): Ha, ha. Thanks Jasper. I don’t often read “Tom”. Josh got “Bugged.”

  19. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#11): JP: By the time they were done eavesdropping on all his conversations, spying on him at home, and reading/listening to all his internet/phone conversations, the idea of speaking to him or his friends directly was, frankly, redundant.

  20. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    ASM: Rid himself of Spiderman? Wasn’t he just desperate for Spiderman photos? I don’t understand at all.

    A3G: “…smart conversation…” Well, wherever he’s going, we can be sure it’s not back to LuAnn’s.

    JP: The Parker entitlements aren’t limited to money and luxury goods. They get handed top secret clearances as well. “And here’s your own, personal copy of the nuclear launch codes, Sam!”

    MW: Haha, no way Giella was going to be tricked into showing Mary in a pose that required any original artwork!

    Phantom: Near as I can tell, Ghost-Who-Walks donned a uniform and stopped by just so he could be smug and condescending. The Phantom turned into Funky Winkerbean so slowly, I didn’t even notice.

    Pibgorn: So … the troll saved the earth. Even done unintentionally, that officially makes him the most worthwhile character in the strip.

  21. Dennis Jimenez
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Oh yeah, throw in some tags for my wife – 38DDD….

    MG&G – I’d like to take an impersonal day for a little strange….

    BG&SS – When Lincoln Logs met Erector Set….

    DT – In the last panel, it looks like Dick is considering a little pole smoking….

    H&J – I give today’s strip three stools – three stinky steaming sticky stools….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  22. Old Folkie
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: So the Guv drives all the way to and from Albany to NYC just to look at Lu Ann’s dress? Doesn’t he ever do any work? BTW, why is he driving himself? Most Guvs are driven in a state car by a state trooper…

  23. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): Haha, and the water droplet to the left of his face works equally well as a Mr. Wilson-style bead of flop-sweat. “Oh god. I’m in the water. With the traps. I’m afraid to move!”

  24. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    Zits: Haha, young people today, mistaking faddish me-too-ism for actual empathy or devotion to a cause.

  25. Dan
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    “HOW DARE YOU? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, THE PASTRAMIGUYS BUILT THIS CITY! LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR.”

  26. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#22): Doesn’t he ever do any work? Seriously? He’s a successful politician. You have to even ask that?

    “It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” — Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar

    “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” — Mark Twain, a Biography

  27. McManx
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — The way everyone is laid out, I think Mary has either stumbled into a triage training program, a death cult, or a euthanasia center. The term “final relaxation pose” suggests the latter.

    Rhymes with Orange — Clever. But oh so vulgar. So horribly vulgar.

    Spiderman — I never really could figure out if J. Jonah Jameson intentionally was trying to look like Hitler, or if his moustache was just an unruly overgrowth of nose hair. Today’s close up ends that debate. Nosehair, for sure.

  28. Churuya
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Blondie: His name is Dagwood Bumstead.

  29. TheSilentG
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    Where the hell does Dagwood even live that allows up to 12 characters on a vanity license plate? “Pastrami Guy” works better as a custom bumper sticker, anyway.

  30. Ed Dravecky
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Sharknado! I don’t have much to say about the movie but this is the only site on the internet that hadn’t mentioned it yet. (Sharknado.)

  31. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    @Churuya (#28): Hey, just because you read it on Wikipedia, doesn’t make it true!

  32. TimP
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    JP: ‘And you’ve been cleared at the top secret level! And they went ahead and gave you a lifetime appointment to one of the secret intelligence courts and they’ve fully vested you with a federal pension which you’ll immediately start collecting! And you don’t ever even have to show up or get confirmed by the Senate! And you’re now third in line to the presidency!’

    Too implausible or not implausible enough in the Parkerverse? Anyway, he almost certainly now has authority to call in a domestic drone strike on the Ivy League commie who panned his dad’s book.

  33. terrapin
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s called a ‘nap’, Mary. And you can do it for free at home.

    A3G: Yeah, when I want to have me some intelligent conversation the first place I think of is the bar and a couple drinks.

  34. Droopy Says
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#11): I don’t think “the kid” would have made it into the Great War. Sixteen; he’s too young to have even graduated high school, so it’s unlikely he’d have got into observer’s school, much less passed the courses. And the AEF tried to give its men as much training and experience as possible before feeding them into combat. That included attaching our infantry units, briefly, to Commonwealth and French units at the front, so our soldiers could get some combat experience from people who knew what they were doing. An observer working in support of an infantry attack would have seen combat before, as a kind of apprentice.

    The stupid keeps building up in this one. I’m morbidly curious as to what goofball things will happen next.

  35. Mikey
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    A3G- I hardly think the people of New York would tolerate a public official whose main objective is to drink and whore around.

  36. Sam C
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Bloody hell, Crankshaft is an unpleasant tosser. I know this isn’t news, but honestly…

    Mary Worth will surely get drummed out of her gated community if she comes back from her trip endorsing weird un’merkan hippy practices.

  37. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @Mountain Goat bisected by Speech Balloon (#6), @nescio (#9) on H&J:

    Gen. 6:2 — “Some divine beings noticed how attractive human women were, so they took wives for themselves from a selection that pleased them.”

    Once they were kicked out of heaven, sure didn’t take ‘em long to make a booty call. Gee, thanks a million, Elohim.

    Guess we’ll have to wait for the Rt. Venerable Pasdordan and Nehemiah Scudder to give the scholarly exegeses. I use the plural because no way are they gonna match.

  38. debussy fields
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    MT– Who can’t see where this is heading?
    “You killed a step-son of mine’s pet otter!”
    POW!!!!

  39. Mikey
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    MT- Well, we haven’t seen Rusty almost drown for a while. It should be otterly hilarious. Prediction: Oscar will go get help ala Lassie.

    ASM-Sooo…JJJ had stated a few day’s ago that his revenues were down because Spiderman was out of town and now he wants to keep him out of the country for good? Christ, if I want this kinda nonsensical bullshit I’ll read Pibgorn.

  40. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    @Brick Bradford (#13): 9CL Wait, vow of what?

    It’s funny the way that plot points are forgotten, rediscovered, then forgotten again. For no apparent reason, they pledged a vow of chastity until they were married (although there isn’t even a date set, yet). Given Edda’s proclivities, this was probably not a wise move on Amos’ part, but there you go. Then, they broke their vow when Edda had sex with him while he was sleeping (he is always unconscious, but this time was insensate even before she whispered in his ear). Then, it was forgotten and Edda was asking Amos to role play some intimate commingling as if he was Sveth. Now, we remember the vow again, but have forgotten the discussion of Amos’ rich fantasy life involving dead actresses.

    Maybe they found another loophole and can screw all they want as long as they close their eyes and pretend to be with other people?

  41. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    JP: “Yes, darling! Now I can tell you all my secrets from work. Of course, that knowledge will draw enemies who want to torture and kill you—but we’ll be communicating!

    FC: Dolly, I’ve seen your ass; no one’s gonna accuse you of forgetting the alamode.

    A3G: Where’s the governor of New York going to stop for a few drinks on the way home from Manhattan? Poughkeepsie?

  42. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#23):

    Good catch. Man, I would be very happy to find out that the animals in the trail-verse could read the narration boxes. It seems only fair, given how often they’re the target of hunters, poachers, forest fires….

    @TheSilentG (#29):

    Where the hell does Dagwood even live that allows up to 12 characters on a vanity license plate?

    He’ll probably have to shorten it, then get dismayed when he finds out that the contraction he chose is also an acronym used some kind of underground fetishist group. Hilarity will ensue!

  43. AhClem
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    MW – Mary comes to the realization that this is no different than the yoga classes that are held regularly in the Charterstone Community Room, except that the walls and floors are not covered with a thin veneer of mayonnaise and disillusionment.

  44. Écureuil Écumant
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: “Maddy’s boy will probably be burned at the stake by the end of the week.”

    They’ll rip all the excess folderol offen thet highfalutin’ bridge o’ his to fuel th’ flames.

  45. Marc
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    9CL- That BS “vow” was already broken when Edda gave that Dweeb the midnight raping a little while back.

  46. bbofun
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    CRANKY- “Crisis Worsens!” is the headline everyday in every newspaper in the Funkyverse.- they just change the story under it.

    ASM- sorry, JJJ- Spidey’s got the President on his side. go up against him, and there’ll be an audit in your future and a drone on your ass.

    A3G- “And a driver! That’s what this governor needs! And maybe some security!”

    MW- “We’ll end with the ‘savasana’ pose- also known as ‘lying down.’”

    9CL- But- this was all about you guys having sex! That’s why the “fantasy” thing was even being discussed! And- and-[HEAD ASPLODES] [PUTS ON REPLACEMENT HEAD]

    PIGPORN- But- but- the other robot saw the troll and decided to kill him! You have spaceships! Why don’t you shoot him? And- a wormhole would only have two ends! How did he even get in the wormhole when he wasn’t on Earth? Why- why [HEAD ASPLODES] [PUTS ON REPLACEMENT HEAD]

    LUANN- Not looking. Running out of heads.

    JP- But- what does top secret clearance have to do with whether or not your dad is dead? Why would you- no, no. Not gonna do it.

  47. pugfuggly
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#43):

    I’m starting a band called The Charterstone Community Room. Our first LP will be called …with a thin veneer of mayonnaise and disillusionment.

  48. TheDiva
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Blondie: It’s sad that Dagwood’s deepest emotional connection is with the guy who works the deli counter.

    H&J: Ah, the old paradox: can God create a mother-in-law joke so trite even He won’t laugh at it?

  49. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Dagwood had a different choice for his personalized plate, “YOU CAN’T BEAT MEAT” but the guy at the DMV proved him wrong.

  50. AhClem
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    BG&SS – Putting aside the halfway-reasonable depiction of a Warren Truss type of bridge, why do these people live in a place where there is a steep cliff every 20 feet?

  51. bats :[
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW: with a few yoga classes in my distant past, I swear I’m not making this up.

    (Yes, let the jests about “toe tags” commence…)

  52. Dood
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Blondie: “Pastrami Guy, because I’m always slipping my wife, Blondie…oh who the hell am I kidding?”

  53. Joe Blevins
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    BLONDIE: It takes so little to provoke that DMV guy. Notice how quickly he goes from “nothing” to “white hot rage.”

  54. Lily Sincere
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    So Herb and Jamaal is now like “Supernatural” only without the homoerotic, and disturbingly incestuous, subtext? Of course, the idea of Herb/Jamaal slash is even more distressing. And I’ve made things far worse by the fact that my having typed it means that, if I understand Rule 34 correctly, it’s out there somewhere.

  55. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    NAoQV: still better than ASM

    Bizarro: concept /fail.

    OBH: as good of an answer as any.

    SFx: wide stance. . . .

  56. Horace Broon
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    A3G After spending time with LuAnn some smart conversation is just what he needs. That’s actually in the strip, and I have nothing to add to it.

    ASM: No, Stan, referencing a classic Captain America story that you didn’t write (or possibly a 19th century short story, but I think we all know it’s the first one) won’t make whatever idiocy JJJ has planned any more convincing.

    RMMD: “What daddy’s trying to say is that if you’re worrying about the money when you should be churning out artwork, we won’t get as much, capice?”

  57. Count Istvan Telecky
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#10): Liam – is there a wrestling league that is Not homoerotic?

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . fapping into the sunset.

  59. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#46): Slow down there! Replacement heads ain’t cheap!

  60. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#12): JP: You know, I could take being with April. She seems like a fun girl, and the fact that she’s a top-secret, super-spy is only emasculating if you’re intimidated by that kind of thing. The Burbers on the other hand, are deliberately demeaning, demanding, irrational and entitled.

  61. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#51): I don’t know why Mary has a name tag, either.

    Maybe she heard that when you go to camp, you’re supposed to sew your name into your clothes?

  62. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MT – Looks like Elrod ‘borrowed; some of Marlin Perkins narration from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom for today’s info blocks.

    // *sigh*…and things were progressing SO well with TRMT’s story lines until Jackelrod decided to slither out of retirement and had tghe odasity to inform TRMT he’s only there to ‘assist’ him on this one. Go ahead, TRMT, go ahead and place a propane tank next to a camp stove or something while Jackelrod’s not looking! WE’LL BE BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY! (WAY behind you about 200 yards!!!!)

  63. Paul1963
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @TheSilentG (#29):
    Damn,beat me to it.

  64. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#62): …not to mention getting me riled to the point of my having the audacity to spell adacity as odasity!

  65. Anonymous
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#64): Thanks for reminding me! I almost forgot I need to go over to AUDI CITY today to pick up my car!

  66. Dale
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    DICK TRACY

    As long as Sam has been smoking, you’d think he could light a cigarette with one hand. Must be the shakes. Take his gun away.

    Smith Industries. That really narrows it down. Even Milford has more than one Speedco.

  67. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#64):

    I think “odasity” is the Hootin’ Holler way of spelling it.

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:08 am [Reply]

  69. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#68):

    I think egg turtle is telling Poteet, “I wuv you thiiiiiiis much!”

  70. Pyzimber
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Dagwood suddenly recalls his T.S. Eliot (or, more likely, his Andrew Lloyd Weber) and remembers that like a cat, he has three names. Dagwood’s “fancy name” is Pastrami Guy, but he must never reveal his third name, which he alone knows and must never reveal to the likes of humans. OK, it’s Phil.

  71. Downpuppy, oops
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    In Luann, Evans’ “private” version, where Tiffany and Luann have moved past their rivalry to the passion behind it, is leaking into the public script.

    Ick.

  72. Everything Is Better with Monkeys
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    ASM: Wait, Spidey is catching a commercial flight to Costa Wherever, but isn’t it a war zone right now? Is that snotty kid being dragged down to be handed over for training as a child soldier?

    A3G: I’ve figured it out. The guy if the moment in the strip always looks about the same. Yet he’s the Guv, or the actor to be the next James Bond. Or whatever. I’m guessing the artist isn’t really that lazy. It is the same guy, a con artist who takes advantage of the complete cluelessness of the main cast. Next, he’ll pretend to be Idris Elba. They won’t notice that he’s not black or rugged or even vaguely charismatic.

    On that note, I followed the link back to the earliest installments of this column and noticed that, while not great even then, the art in A3G has deteriorated noticeably in the past nine years. Lu Ann stayed on model for two successive frames.

  73. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    MT – The white herons quickly leave their favorite watering hole knowing it will quickly become polluted with the rotting entrails from the soon to be trapped otters.

    // Now THERE’S some dialog that could draw more attention and serve as a morning eye opener for this strip!

  74. TheDiva
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    9CL: Um, I think that ship has sailed, Amos. Hell, that entire armada has sailed at this point.

    A3G: I’d say the governor also needs to move his seat back a little. And find a car that wasn’t designed by Picasso.

    C’shaft: Uh-huh, and how much property damage have you caused your family this year again, Ed? (I’m assuming the “crisis” referred to in the headlines is Crankshaft’s continued existence.)

    FW: I swear I’ve seen this girl before. Does she just pop up wherever Batiuk needs someone to represent Disrespectful Youth, or something?

    Luann: You’re right, Quill, it’s pathetic. Almost as pathetic as, say, trolling someone who’s flirting with you so you and your girlfriend can laugh at her behind her back. Good thing you’re such a paragon of manly virtue and would never do a thing like that, would you?

    MT: Yeah, Rusty could come back any minute!

    MW: Do people often do yoga on preschool nap cots?

    Pibgorn: I guess Brooke McEldowney has given up all pretense of having more emotional maturity than that of a second-grader.

    SM: Next up: Spidey goes on the run with Edward Snowden! (“We’ll take you,” Ecuador officials tell Snowden, “but lose the guy in the spandex, mmm-kay?”)

  75. Bunivasal
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Something something…. New Deal joke something. I dunno.”

  76. Little Guy
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#20), ASM: J^3 will be all angry angsty with the unpersoning of Spidey, that he’ll bully and cajole Peter into getting top-secret pictures of Spiderman, which will arounse the ire of the NSA and shut down the Daily Bugle, which J^3 will blame on Spiderman, who will cajole and bully Peter into getting picture of Spidey…..

  77. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#73):

    I noticed that as well about the Apartment 3G art and how it has gotten really bad. Back in 2004 they were still showing full body instead of the puppet show we have today.

  78. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#68): Every car should come with a bulldog.

  79. commodorejohn
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Is it me, or is Mary Worth vacationing at Clonus?

  80. jvwalt
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MG&G: Damn, am I ever glad this is a one-panel strip.

  81. NoahSnark
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Eula is just something you accept without paying attention to, regardless of the future consequences.

  82. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Aaaaaand the Bad Pun of the Day award goes to….Shoe!

  83. TimP
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Thrax (#7): Against EULAs, the gods themselves contend in vain…

  84. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Ooh, look! There’s piñatas hanging in the store. Let’s see, on the right is a piggy, in the middle is a sheep or lamb and on the left is… is..

    OMG! Another citizen of Westview has hung himself!!

  85. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Dagwood had to settle for “PASTRAMI GUY” after the DMV told him that there was already a waiting list of 4,367 applicants for “MR SALAMI”. Blondie just smiled wryly when Dagwood told her that, since she already knew that this is the license plate of Mr. Beasley the Postman.

  86. Mike N.
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MG&G: A personal day? Man, what I would give for it to be more than a personal 15 minutes.

  87. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    BB/MT – General Halftrack toasts one for the road while Mark hopes he’ll soon toast one for the Trail.

  88. notmydesk
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Yeah, LOL, Grimm. Might as well plan a personal day for sniffing your own butthole, because that’s all that’s happening for you. Look at that dead-eyed spaniel. Or, wait, is it some kind of plastic sex-toy? Well, he may have a chance, then.

  89. Illustrator Steve
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MT – “Big Mike! I just found out that this Mark Trail fellow is here to try and put us out of business!”

    “Well, we’ll just have to see about THAT! Frankie, I want you and the boys to find out where this Trail fellow lives. Then go there to see if there is anything around his place worth kidnapping!”

  90. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Well, I’ve learned one thing from MG&G today. Dogs have three legs.

  91. Ratiocinator
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    FW: This is going to be one classy golden anniversary party. She’ll be so surprised to see all of the piñatas and smiley-faced balloons Harry’s bought for her that she’ll be overcome with joy! Or crushing disappointment. Potato, potahto.

    RMMD: “You let US worry about the money, dear, and figuring out what to blow it on–I mean invest! How to INVEST it to ensure the best future for you.

    As she says that, June is thinking of a giant dollar sign, followed by an equals sign, followed by an enormous stack of WAFFLES!

  92. Jim in Wisc.
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Sawah Morgan, Authoress: Look at Sawah’s expression in the last panel. She knows Mommy’s handing her a load of manure.

    Melonhead Circus: What a little piggy Dolly is.

    Blandie: How about “IMBULIMIC”?

    Crappy Crapperbean: I’d like something that’ll look good in a dingy old pizza parlor and costs less than ten bucks.

    And finally, over at Baitle Beeley if it’s Friday, it must be time for an alcoholism joke.

  93. seismic-2
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: Maddy’s boy has done an impressive job in building that footbridge, you bet. Now, maybe he’s ready to take on a far greater challenge in constructing support infrastructures: designing a brassiere for Loweezy.

  94. Liam
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Blondie-Makes me wonder what Dagwood’s porn name is.

    MW-Followed by the “Burying You” pose.

    MT-The pictures of the otter’s playing is just too cute.

    A3G-Let us remember that this man is governor of New York and he lives all the way in Albany.

  95. Liam
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    A3G-Another fine night of ducking important state legislation.

  96. Ned Ryerson
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW: For the first time in nearly fifty years, Mary farts.

  97. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#93):

    Maddy’s boy will have to go from wood to steel girders for that one.

  98. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    JP – So, the NSA did a rudimentary background check, read every email and listened in on every phone call he has ever made, and concluded that Randy is a clueless himbo who isn’t a threat. And this means “no more lies”, i.e. that April can now tell him all the details of all of the NSA’s activities?

    If this leads to Randy’s kidnapping and torture by people with an interest in what April is telling him, then I’m all for it.

  99. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: There couldn’t be anything sillier than global news outlets breathlessly reporting on the new picture of Spider-Man holding a press conference in the transitional area of the Moscow airport, could there? Oh, right.

    Apt. 3-G: Judging by the looks of him behind the wheel, Gov. Peter Russo is about the size of my 10-year-old son. Anyway, “a couple of drinks and some good conversation” might explain why this governor appears never to be working.

    9 Chickweed Lane: I bought one of those compression shirts for kayaking last night. It shows off my man nipples, so Mrs Pastor is making me return it. She is very sensible. That is all.

    Cul de Sac: [adult swim]

    Judge Parker: I think I can speak for at least half the perverts on this site in saying that it’s a bitter disappointment when we’re reduced to pointing out that NSA spouses don’t get security clearances just for marrying into the family. It’s not too late, though. Bring back Neddy to explain the situation and all is forgiven!

    Mark Trail: LOVE. Those otters will get photoshopped into something.

    Ziggy: has reached into the “It’s July, And The Cartoonist Is Drinking” file.

    Zippy the Pinhead may have the only thing worse than evilscaryclowns: evilscaryventriloquistdummies.

  100. Mr. Yezpitelok
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#82): Reminds me of the Czech who met his doppelgänger: Czech and double Czech.

  101. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#100):

    A much better pun then Shoe.

  102. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#74): 9CL: Um, I think that ship has sailed, Amos. Hell, that entire armada has sailed at this point.

    Sailed, fought the English, fled, and been scattered and destroyed by a storm.

    But, it doesn’t count if you close your eyes and pretend they are someone else who is already dead. Or, if you are Edda.

  103. Braniff
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    FC: Here’s what the Dysfunctional Family Circus version would read–”Remember the ALIMONY” (a reference to Daddy divorcing Mommy after beginning his affair with Uncle Roy).

  104. Ratiocinator
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Jasper Jinx (#2): Thanks! I’ve gotta start reading that more often.

    @Liam (#10):

    Spiderman-Jameson don’t say that out loud. Obama has ears everywhere and will take you out.

    The only question now is whether the offices of the Bugle only get hit once, or if they’re “double-tapped.”

    @Dood (#52): I think we might have a COTW here!

  105. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#99): JP: …it’s a bitter disappointment … bring back Neddy to explain…

    I heard a rumor a while back that Manley had the syndicate come down on him for making Judge Parker “too sexy.” Given the distinct lack of the, err, attention to detail (yeah, that’s a good phrase) in the artwork lately, the explanation sounds plausible.

    At time, I opined that anyone who would enforce such a decision is history’s greatest monster. I stand by that statement.

  106. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#99): shows off my man nipples, so Mrs Pastor is making me return it. She is very sensible. That is all.

    Ironically, Mrs. Pastor is not history’s greatest monster and we are all grateful for her sensible nature!

  107. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#102):

    With Slim, every time he has sex it’s a first time since he can’t remember having done it before.

    //Oh, rats. Now I’ve got to get Slim having sex out of my head.

  108. revenge4Aldo
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#5): It’s fine, Edda gave him a forget-me-now so he doesn’t remember it.

  109. Lenoxus
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Grimm: I defy any real male dog to find exaggerated eyelashes attractive in a female dog, rather than disturbingly un-dog-like.

    Oh, what the hell am I saying, male cartoon animals always have similar sexual preferences as stereotypical male humans. And it’s often reciprocated, even what the object of desire isn’t another animal but a female human! It bugs me that you never see the inverse — an attractive man having a satisfying romantic or sexual relationship with a female cartoon dog or chicken or anthropomorphic toaster.

    I mean, on some level that would disgust me, being a man myself, but that’s kind of my point. (Example: The Geico commercial where a realistic CGI pig is driving along with a human woman, seemingly his girlfriend. It’s meant to be funny for its strangeness, yes, but I think the typical audience reaction to an inverse situation would be “Huh? That’s gross and weird, why would a man date a pig?”)

    Rant over.

  110. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 10:58 am [Reply]

  111. Voshkod
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    I’m a bit worried about Grimm. I don’t recall any other animal in that comic having stylized jet-black eyes. So, if he pursuing a doll? Or a person in a dog costume? The mind boggles, even as the stomach retches.

  112. Dennis Jimenez
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#110):
    One way, or an otter,
    I’m gonna find ya;
    I’m gonna gitcha, gitcha, gitcha, gitcha;
    One way, or an otter;
    I’m gonna find ya;
    I’m gonna gitcha….

  113. TurtleBoy
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: This is as ripped-from-the-headlines as Spidey’s ever going to get. Tomorrow we’ll find JJJ hobnobbing with the heads-of-state of several Latin American countries. I can’t wait to see the artist’s rendering of Evo Morales.

    MT: What’s Elrod got against adorable mammals named “Molly”/”Mollie”? They just can’t understand all the hostility toward them.

  114. Jim in Wisc.
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Retail: Cooper seems to be wonder what the catch is. Simple, he’ll go from being paid by the hour to being on a salary that’s calculated based on a 40 hour work week. However, he’ll be expected to work 60 – 80 hours a week. Thus, his pay-per-hour will be a drastic reduction.

  115. Shrug: No, My Family Has Not Tried Them
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën! (#y341):

    “Powder Milk Biscuits, where the brown stains on the bag indicate freshness!”

    If you say so, but please do *not* attempt to apply this theory to MARVIN.

  116. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox shows us how to draw a sailor getting a rim job.

    Mary Worth looks less like relaxation and more of penetration. Anal penetration.

    “The playful otters swim freely in their home waters, oblivious to the dangers around them.” My bet: the dangers are either Kelly Welly with a steno pad or Rusty Trail with a camera or Col. Mustard with a lead pipe.

  117. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    SPECIAL TO QUEEK: Find the hidden hover corgi!

  118. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#109): That’s a good point. It happens in everything from family films (Roger Rabbit) to “Family Guy,” where the dog eventually stopped having sex with other dogs and now dates human women…and, in one case, actually fathered a human child.

  119. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#117): *Monty Python voice* I found a spoon! */Monty Python voice*

  120. bats :[
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#105): re JP: no kidding. I guess the next time we see Neddy, she’ll be explaining changes in the tax laws to Sophie. Both hidden behind massive volumes of tax law texts. Bleah.

    @Baka Gaijin (#116): oh, boy! They finally updated Clueless!
    Kelly Welly with a steno pad.
    Rusty Trail with a camera.
    Cherry Trail with a stack of pancakes.
    Doc with a microscope and a Petri dish.
    Andy with a muzzle full of drool.
    Bad Guy with a never-used razor.
    And, of course, Mark Trail with a _____.

  121. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#120):

    Mark Trail with a _____.

    stack o’ pancakes?
    fist o’ justice?
    bag o’ beavers?

    //I have no idea.

  122. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#120): Fist o Justice!

  123. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    barky stick??

  124. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    dual-wielded ubiquiducks?

  125. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#119): Did you find the bonus non-hover corgi, too?

    @bats :[ (#120): One of the best things I’ve inspired in a while. “Mark Trail with a…soda box bikini.”

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#124): I don’t understand it but I love it!

  126. A Thin Veneer of Shrug
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#47):

    Your band puts mayonnaise on such inappropriate album titles. . .

  127. Shrug, with a Cutting Remark
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#59):

    “Replacement heads ain’t cheap!”

    And you have to be sure you get the kind that fits your model number…

    http://www.penac.philips.com/norelco/heads.html

  128. Baka Gaijin
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    When you’re at the doctor’s office four times a week, of course you’ll have read the magazines in the waiting room three times, Pluggerdog.

  129. Cerfer Dude Shrug
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#82):

    SHOE didn’t even bother to work up the longer version, which I first read in a Bennett Cerf anthology fifty or so years ago:

    They could have had Mr. Bones/editorbird say “I need a headline for this story about a midget from Prague seeking asylum” and Mr. Tambo/Per’fessor ripostes “Can you cache a small Czech?”

    ///SHOE would be funnier if Bennett Cerf were writing it, even if he is dead.

  130. Mr. Fibuli
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    I’m a little sad that the Darkgate Comic Slurper lost all the uclick comics. I didn’t think it would affect me that much, but there were a lot of comics I miss now. Stupid uclick.

  131. terrapin
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#99):Re: Judge Parker- Well you’re certainly speaking for THIS half pervert.

  132. Amos Snarkadder
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MT: Oh no. I hope this isn’t a setup to some sick “I had to make a tough choice” scenarios where Mark has to either kill the otters or give his ‘disguise’ away. Explain that to Rusty, Mark.

    A3G: Oh no. I hope this isn’t a setup to some sick “I didn’t know this was a craps game/brothel/dog fight” scenario where the Governor has to either lie or face his demons. Or kill the otters.

    Crankshaft: Oh no. I hope this isn’t a setup to some sick “I didn’t know Rose was packing a 44″ scenario where- well, actually, I’m okay with that.

  133. Sequitur
    July 12th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Cerfer Dude Shrug (#129):

    You see, now that’s a funny pun. You’re right. There’s plenty evidence of Bennett Cerf lying around on which to base a funny.

  134. Hibbleton
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Marm: The idea of Marmaduke ruling in hell while made up like a drag queen I find oddly satisfying. I think I’ve been hanging around with catholics too long.

    BB: Panel two could be the world’s worst recruiting poster.

  135. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#109): Well, you know, women and other female creatures aren’t really ever people, after all. We’re just prizes and arm candy for the male ones, so our species doesn’t really matter.

    (Which I suppose explains strange comments about gay marriage leading to box turtle sex or something?)

    //I have to admit that, as a child, I found it odd that male cartoon characters never seemed to have eyelashes – how did they deal with dust and wind?

    //On the other other hand, I had that question answered by Mighty Mouse, who does have eyelashes, and ends up being horrifying somehow.

    //Still, I’d rather look at Mighty Mouse eyelashes than Burber hellmaws, but who wouldn’t?

  136. Jim in Wisc.
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Melonhead Circus, Redux: Jeffy looks like he’s getting ready to hock a loogie on Dolly’s dessert.

  137. walt d.
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: I took a glance at this at PI, smiled briefly, and went on. Then I foolishly scanned the comments (67 so far), and, my Lord, the venom! I expect when I fully read the comments here, it’ll be the same. Sometimes a joke is just a joke.

    Grimm: The meaning is obvious, but there’s more room for sidestepping it than in a lot of the MG strips.

    H&J: Good interpretation, Josh. Many a person has felt that way about his/her mother in law.

    RMMD: As an artist I’m starting to get really annoyed by this story. Everything about it is stupid! The five year old with a “book deal” and swarms of enabling adults was just preposterous. Now we’re having a philosophical discussion about creativity and money? Moderated by people who know nothing about creativity and its sources or demands. (Admittedly they must understand money because they live very well off their five patients a year.) And directed to the five year old. Yaaargh! This strip can occasionally be very good. This is not one of those stories thus far.

    9CL: Chaste? CHASTE? Apparently this part of the Edda saga is known to everyone but me. Admittedly every last person in the world would understand that Edda wouldn’t be interested in having sex with Amos, and nearly as many would understand why Amos would cling to the hope that someday she would anyway. But the idea that Edda herself is chaste is a bit too much.

    9CL: That said. As you get older you learn that there is not only nothing new under the sun, there isn’t even anything in its early reruns. Pretty much every sort of human character I’ve seen in the comics I’ve also met in real life. And I have certainly met people like Amos and Edda.

    9CL: Either Simon or Garfunkel once commented upon the difference in their groupies and those of groups like the Stones: “Theirs want to party, ours want to read us their poetry.” Apply this anecdote to 9CL however you like.

  138. I’m A Clerk Not a Jerk
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Dan (#25):

    “HOW DARE YOU? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, THE PASTRAMIGUYS BUILT THIS CITY! LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR.”
    Gasp!

    Uh….Yes, Mr. Pastramiguy! What was I thinking? I’ll get your tags, toot suite!
    Just tell your hired goons to put down their salamis!
    Please, Mr. Pastramiguy! Have mercy on me, Dom Pastramiguy!

  139. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#131): I’ll take what I can get.

  140. greghousesgf
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#109): and why would King Kong be attracted to human women instead of giant lady gorillas?

  141. Name
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Grimm
    It’s odd how in a comic strip that has routinely featured dogs “dating” humans, the pairing of a talking dog and a dead-eyed “normal dog” dog is actually more creepy.

  142. Christopher
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: Maddy’s boy is back because he flunked out. Snuffy and Loweezy are walking to their certain doom since that bridge is bound to give out in the middle.

  143. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

  144. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    So, waitasecond!

    What’s the deal with JJJ? Did the Spider-Man spider-pee in his Cheerios? And, is some of that radioactive urine causing massive, unpredictable mood swings? Either he wants the webheaded wunderkind to exist to help him sell papers or he wants him as far away from NYC as possible.

  145. jim, some guy in iowa
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    I don’t follow “Herb and Jamaal” so: what does the short guy’s mother in law do at the restaurant- serve? If so, wouldn’t she rather reign in Hell? Pretty sure I would

  146. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth at First Glance:

    I haven’t followed the strip since she was on her flight and I was anticipating a fireworks display occuring in the sky which forms Mary’s variety of expressions throughout the life of the strip and ending with a quick montage of her various O Faces.

    So, you can imaging my surprise and my dismay when noone brought up such a fireworks display.

    Now I check in to see what is up with her and it looks like there was a disaster at the banana cabana that Mary is staying in. Or is it just some disaster preparedness drill for how to nap in crowded areas without an orgy breaking out?

    Not that an orgy would be a disaster mind you, however with so many of the other people at the resort likely needing adult diapers, you couldn’t possibly be TOO prepared for disasters!

  147. jim, some guy in iowa
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#144): oh, now, does that really make any *less* sense than what passes for a relationship in ’9CL’?

  148. Doug Wykstra
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Staton & Curtis’s attempt to pay homage to the entire Dick Tracy canon finally comes full circle in Panel Two, as we have a Giant Phantom Hand straight out of the Dick Locher days that immediately preceded their tenure.

  149. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#105): Re: Judge Parker: it’s more than just a rumor. Dude said as much on his blog. The syndicates are very responsive to letters…

    Re: 9 Chickweed Lane: Mrs Pastor says “you’re welcome.”

  150. bats :[
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#132): re MT: in the defense of wildlife, Mark doesn’t have to ‘splain nothin’ to nobody!

  151. Uncle Lumpy
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#137):

    CHASTE?

    Oh. Edda thought everybody was saying, “chased.” Never mind, then.

  152. Mars
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    “Personalized license tag”….it’s called a vanity plate, and I’m more interested in what specific jumble of letters and numbers he ordered than his real name, be it “Pastrami Guy” or no.

  153. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#135): Which I suppose explains strange comments about gay marriage leading to box turtle sex or something?

    I have two male box turtles that I’ve cared for for over a decade. One of them is definitely the top, and the other is a reluctant bottom. Gay box turtle rape is a thing that exists, and not just on the intranets.

    @walt d. (#137): the idea that Edda herself is chaste is a bit too much

    We had an arc a few years back with the Belgian Cello contest, in which Amos (but not Edda? Anyone know if it was her first, too?) lost his virginity to his childhood sweetheart, Edda. Then we had months of the usual “Ha ha, they are unable to control themselves and their lives are an oversexed rollercoaster” 9CL stuff. Then, when they got engaged, they decided to remain chaste until the wedding. Because of the reasons. But, as usual for a plot point in this strip, this is often forgotten.

    This is a particularly egregious example of Brooke forgetting plot points – On Monday, they are going to have sex and she is going to pretend Amos is Sveth. By Thursday, she is angry with him because he admits to fantasizing about dead movie stars from the 40s and 50s when having sex with her. By Friday, they are hopelessly frustrated because they can’t have sex until the wedding. Because of the reasons.

  154. walt d.
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Starvation and drugs do affect the creative process. It is an open question as to which is responsible for the work of Miro. I would definitely say drugs. As for “the arts” and money: “I’ve been rich, and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.” (I’ve always thought Billie Holiday said this, but the Internet offers several suggestions.)

  155. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @walt d. (#154): “the Internet offers several suggestions”

    Yeah, it’ll do that.

  156. Ratiocinator
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#149): Everybody who wrote a letter to the syndicate demanding less boobs are all equally history’s greatest monster.

  157. tallyHO
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Christopher (#142):

    It is bound to give out at the middle? How do we not know if the bridge spans the width of the (far too common) chasms in their path towards where ever they are going?

    As far as we know, the entire bridge has been shown and Snuffy and Weezy gonna fall to the pile o’ bodies that will eventually be the foundation for filling that hole in the ground.

  158. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 12th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#156):

    Wait, did they demand less boobs, or fewer? Was the complaint that they were too large, or just that there were too many of them?

  159. bats :[
    July 12th, 2013 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#149): thanks for hunting this down. I’m including the link to Nipple Gate, aka, “Tempest in a C-cup.”

  160. exapno
    July 12th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#22):

    Drive? Not THIS NY governor – he takes helicopters/planes everywhere.

    ///Actually has a friend who is a NY State Trooper assigned to the Governor’s protection package…he calls it ‘interesting’….

  161. Mibbitmaker
    July 12th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#60): The “emasculating” part I was referring to was her running a check on him with the agency/administration behind his back, seeming to get a thrill out of scaring the man a bit. A humiliating power play in the relationship. If a man did that to his fiance, it would be creepy. No Burber can compete with someone with powerful government connections like that.

    Her being a superspy in general, even one with a license like Bond’s, is really cool, actually (if ethically unsure).

  162. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#149): Why do I doubt they’ll be responsive to my “bring back the boobs” letters?

  163. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#159): “having the readers perk up over such small things”

    *snrk*

  164. Professional Mole
    July 12th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Presumably, Maddy’s boy will be burned in a fire fueled by his fancy townspeople bridges.

  165. Liam
    July 12th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#158):

    You can never have enough large breasts.

  166. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 12th, 2013 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#165): I don’t know; most women I know think that two are sufficient.

  167. Liam
    July 12th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Mother Goose and Grimm-This would be funnier if it was Odie or Marmaduke Grimm was following.

  168. Cloudbuster
    July 12th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#165): I’m opposed to them being presented in odd numbers, though. Call me a traditionalist….

  169. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS – Don’t worry, that bridge meets Hootin’ Holler standards, in that it is made entirely of popsicle sticks.

  170. Boophilus
    July 12th, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#153): We had an arc a few years back with the Belgian Cello contest, in which Amos (but not Edda? Anyone know if it was her first, too?) lost his virginity to his childhood sweetheart, Edda
    I believe that Brooke intended Amos to be Edda’s first as well. Up until that point, she was conversing with pretentious unicorns. Though, he is notorious for implying ribald situations and then crying “foul” and blaming the readers for interpreting the situations as anything other than chaste. So, who knows.

  171. dtyler99
    July 12th, 2013 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Thrax (#7):

    Hey Thrax… are you a lictor?

  172. Alison
    July 12th, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: Mary’s body looks weird as hell and I’m not sure why. I guess it’s because I’ve never seen the lower half of her. Not that I wanted to. Also, does that entire class consist of people lying down and relaxing? That’s not yoga. That’s some kind of anti-stress class. Yoga is harder than that and would probably cause someone Mary’s age to sprain at least five body parts.

    “Luann”: Not buying that Tiff would break character like that after it’s been made clear she desperately wants to be a star. Also, I hope Luann is proud of herself for messing up the play due to her petty jealousy. (I mean that in a snarky way, but sadly she probably IS proud of herself for getting Tiffany upset.)

  173. walt d.
    July 12th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Sarah thinks she’s pressured now. Wait ’till the director flips through Sarah’s “product” with a frown on her face, and finally says, “This is just the rough draft and some sketches, right?”

  174. Amos Snarkadder
    July 12th, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#172):

    “Luann”: Not buying that Tiff would break character like that after it’s been made clear she desperately wants to be a star. Also, I hope Luann is proud of herself for messing up the play due to her petty jealousy.

    And notice that Quill cannot confront Tiffany until after Luann calls him up and nags him. What a clod.

  175. Amos Snarkadder
    July 12th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#172):

    Also, does that entire class consist of people lying down and relaxing? That’s not yoga. That’s some kind of anti-stress class.

    Shannon must be ending her yoga class with a guided meditation. Mary can relate – she usually ends her yenta sessions with a goaded meddletation.

  176. Amos Snarkadder
    July 12th, 2013 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#169):

    BG&SS – Don’t worry, that bridge meets Hootin’ Holler standards, in that it is made entirely of popsicle sticks.

    When I was in grade school, I made a model bridge out of popsicle sticks and Elmer’s glue. Then some asshat kid embarrassed me by asking if I washed them first. (I don’t remember, but I probably didn’t. I do remember I was mortified.)

  177. Amos Snarkadder
    July 12th, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#91):

    FW: This is going to be one classy golden anniversary party.

    I’ve been wondering why Harry is doing it all by himself. Do they have no children? Even if they don’t have kids, wouldn’t friends step up and do it for them? And if they don’t actually have any friends, couldn’t Harry just hire a party planner?
    (Yes, I realize the only “party planners” in Westview are the funeral home staff who are in charge of the wake.)

  178. Alison
    July 12th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#174):
    Yup, Quill has seemed just fine with Tiffany’s flirting until Lu the Shrew bitched him out. If this was real life, I’d say Quill was definitely looking at Tiffany to be his side piece, and after the rehearsal he’d catch up with her and say something like, “Sorry about what I said back there. My bitchy girlfriend was nagging me and I wanted to to shut her up. Want to go get coffee or something?” (Of course, in “Luann” world this won’t happen.)

  179. Slim
    July 12th, 2013 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Herb and Jamaal-”It looks like he couldn’t handle Eula so he gave her to me and that’s why I’m an atheist now.”

  180. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#156): Aww, they’re just little old ladies who need a break from finking on those kids going at it like rabbits over at Charterstone.

  181. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#159): Can’t take the credit, unfortunately. Somebody pointed it out to me a few weeks/months back.

  182. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#159): Also? Controversy makes the readers “perk up.” Huh huh huh.

  183. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#162): I dunno. Did you include a $50?

  184. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#176): The snappy comeback would be, “Why don’t you lick it and find out?”

    And if that had happened to me in grade school, right about now is when the snappy comeback would finally occur to me. Just put me in Crock and call me Treppenwitz.

  185. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @TheSilentG (#29): He abbreviated it as PSTRMIGY. Everyone thinks it means “Pastor, Am I Gay?”

  186. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#30): Sharknado is a frozen dessert made by blending soft-serve ice cream with gummi sharks, right? No? Well, it should be.

  187. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#51): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#61): I imagine Mary’s name tag is a little revenge prank that was played on her when she got too meddley with whoever checked her in at the front desk. “Oh, and here’s your name tag, ma’am! All the guests wear them we can get to know each other. Don’t forget to display it all times!” No one else has them.

  188. Peanut Gallery
    July 12th, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Cerfer Dude Shrug (#129): Here’s one of my favorite jokes from a Bennett Cerf book. I guess it would work with Slim from Gasoline Alley.

    A mentally disturbed patient was discharged as cured by an expert and given a job as gateman at a railroad intersection where traffic was not very heavy. There were, in fact, only two trains a day. One, up from the south, sped past the crossing precisely at noon each day; the other, bound from east to west, rattled by thirty minutes later. The new gateman waved at the engineers of the two trains each day and spent the rest of the time in peaceful contemplation. So did an old man named Heimerdinger who came down every morning to keep him company.

    One day the gateman’s phone rang. The train from the south, reported a dispatcher down the line, was a half hour late. “Take the necessary precautions,” he warned. “I will,” promised the gateman.

    Hurrying from the booth, he pulled Mr. Heimerdinger to his feet and suggested, “I think it will be safer watching from the top of the hill today. And keep your eyes peeled too — because at twelve-thirty on the dot there’s going to be the gosh-darndest train wreck you ever saw in your life!”

  189. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: Pardon me, but I’m pretty sure a “final relaxation” pose would have you folding your hands on your chest, perhaps with a lily tucked in there.

    Ziggy: Ziggy’s audition to play Max Cady in a stage version of “Cape Fear” went surprisingly well.

    FW: Harry Dinkle had ridiculously high expectations for personal service at an iParty type outlet with minimum wage help.

    C-Shaft: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t be you, Crankshaft.

  190. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Out of context, Edda looks like she’s bursting out of Kane’s chest. In fact, taken in context…

    JP: “And who knows? One of these days you may be cleared for sex too.:

    Drabble: This must be one of those $5 to get in, $10 to get out shows.

    GA: Oh dear God, despite the merciful lack of family resemblance, she’s Slim’s daughter all right.

  191. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Wow. Nepotism doesn’t usually go over this well.

    GT: Here’s where Old Hercules says that Eddie Grant looked a lot darker on the TeeVee, then launches into a croaky rendition of “Electric Avenue.”

    S-M: Looks like it’s time to start examining Triple J’s mustache for clumps of white powder.

    SFx: Well I never would have asked how to draw a sailor taking a dump in the ocean, but now I know anyway.

  192. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mars (#152): Hm, yes. Does Dagwood actually think he can get 11 letters on his license plate?

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 12th, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#27):

    Mary Worth — The way everyone is laid out, I think Mary has either stumbled into a triage training program, a death cult, or a euthanasia center. The term “final relaxation pose” suggests the latter.

    That’s what I got out of the phrase too. Of course Mary will just keep coming back unless you cut off her head.

  194. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    July 13th, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166):

    I like them in pairs myself, size is not as important!

  195. tallyHO
    July 13th, 2013 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#192):

    Step back and remember how Dagwood likes his women (solid. after 70 years, they got to be solid).
    Then recall how he likes his carpooling (tight and cramped, in increasingly smaller and smaller cars).

    Then think about how he likes his living room (look the other way, please. Dagwood’s trying to watch the TV while keeping his hands in his pocket!)

    Then finally consider how Dagwood likes his sandwiches: Huge! Too big for any human mouth. Too big to bite, too big to chew, to be to bail on trying to eat it.

    Dagwood expects what he’s requested: a near foot-long nickname on his plates.

    Speaking of long sausage-like meats: today would have been Milton Berle’s birthday. (he was born Milton Berlinger. though I am sure some think a better choice for Unca Milty would have been: Johnny Schlong!)

  196. tallyHO
    July 13th, 2013 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#193):
    Unintended consequences of beheading Mary Worth:

    Her head, now free from the restraints of being Earth-bound, takes to the skies (as was foretold during many a air flight)

    [Air traffic control, do you copy? We have an Unidentified Meddling Object floating in the sky. Please advise -over!-

    Flight 2DDL2OO, we advise you to not make eye contact and avoid any sudden impulses to obey said Meddling Object. Do you copy?-over!-]

    So, there is a downside and an upside to Mary’s head floating above us all at all times.

    One, it would get as old as Mary is. Her looking down on us all and judging us by squinting, saying, ‘tsk, tsk’, and shaking her head.

    Two, on the positive side, it sets up many staring contests between her and Count Weirdly. That alone would result in a tourist attraction as a giant, green, disembodied head (replete with a top hat and a domino mask) stares menacingly at a snow-white coiffed head of indeterminate age or origins.

    Think of how this vision will inspire John Dill, Cake Decorator. He will single-handedly bring about a renaissance in beatific arts. There will be giant, pink (and deliciously, deceptively sweet) Mary Worth heads on everyone’s tables. The odds this resulting in a new religion are just too good for an honest gambling man to dabble in. If you bet against it happening; you lose.

    [What kind of cake do you want for your birthday, dear?

    Hmm. You know what, Cherry? A MaryWorth Food cake sounds delish!

    Say, you’re right. Though, Mark, if you say it three times while spinning around in circles in a dark room in front of a mirror, it actually sounds devilish!

    Oh, Cherry, you are silly! I will be careful of what I wish for! And, with a MaryWorth Food Cake, I know even if I wish for something, she’ll stick her nose in my bidness and coerce me into changing my mind! ha ha ha ha!]

  197. tallyHO
    July 13th, 2013 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#196):

    The next day:

    Cherry: More pancakes, Mark?

    Mark: Thanks but no thanks. Until recently, I thought I could eat mass quantities of your pancakes and also guzzle mass quantities of syrup. But, suddenly, I am very concerned about my well-being, dear.

    At first I thought it was that spot in the box springs that made me think dark thoughts but to be frank, I am truly concerned about This Mortal Coil.

    (the wind whistles as it blows through the open window in the cabin.)

    Rusty appears and proclaims himself to be a “real boy” and that both Mark and Cherry should “deal with it”. Astonished and visibly agog, Mark and his wife look at each other burst out laughing.

    Cherry sez: Rusty. You are old enough now to learn about the deal we made with Mary Worth. So, sit down, grab a shortstack and listen to the tale of how Mark left LoFo and went further down to Georgia. He wanted to wipe that mustache right off of Old Scratch’s face. But, he knew why that would be deemed a failure in teh eyes of others. Nothing short of a denture plate would do.

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