Main content:

Thursday quickies

Hi and Lois, 2/5/09

Ditto’s teacher’s enormous grin probably indicates that she’s on some kind of serious mood-altering medication, which, seeing as she’s Ditto’s teacher and all, God bless her for it.

Crock, 2/5/09

Ha ha ha, fat character created solely to be the butt of fat jokes! Let’s string together a bunch fat jokes about you! No, they don’t actually have to lead into each other logically. Say, has anyone pointed out to you that you’re fat?

Family Circus, 2/5/09

“Certainly not for unsophisticated, derivative trash like this. Why, you couldn’t get a gallery show in Peoria with crap like Running Man In Hat in your portfolio!”

Mary Worth, 2/5/09

“You helped Lynn by talking through her problems with her … and helped me with that incredible nine-hour sex session last night, which the comic syndicate censored but which I’ll imply by gently resting my hand on your shoulder!”

What? What? Did I blow your little minds? The way Mary blew Frank’s mind, last night? OK, I’ll stop now.

221 responses to “Thursday quickies”

  1. Matthew Rossi
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Thank you for stopping when you did. I didn’t need to have to ram a Drano-soaked stick into my ear to try and swab my brain clean of Mary Worth related sex.

  2. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Mary made the booty call. Oooh yeah.

  3. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    FC – What do you know? Billy is the artist for Momma. I’d recognize that pencilmanship anywhere. I bet Jeffy writes the gags.

  4. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    I’m impressed anyone can maintain an appetite while eating in a place called Le Cess Poole, or, for that matter existing in a Crock comic strip.

  5. Brick Bradford
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    The notion of Mary giving pleasure to anyone is so far outside the realm of possibility that my mind is immune to your attempts to sicken and appall me.

  6. kalki
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    CircusJerk: You know I just noticed Billy’s hair in proximity to the little girl’s face behind him. At first, I figured that the hair was just tickling her face, but I think it is actually an overgrowth of hair where Billy is conjoined to that girl. It amazes me that all this time Billy had a Siamese twin sister and we were never seeing her because she was always perfectly occulted by Billy’s ginormous melon head.

  7. BigTed
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    It’s now clear that Grossie constantly monitors her caloric intake, and is maintaining her enormous girth on purpose — because she correctly realizes that that the only local role for women other than “fattie” is “French prostitute.”

  8. Kevin Beane
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    “What? What? Did I blow your little minds? The way Mary blew Frank’s mind, last night? OK, I’ll stop now.”

    You accidentally typed some extra characters (” ‘s mind”) in that graf.

  9. Pozzo
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    As for me, I was marvelling at the fact that Billy’s trailer-trash cousin attends the same school he does. Guess his folks couldn’t afford that “special” private school anymore.

  10. Sunny Paris
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t it funny that all the other children have drawn nature scenes and Billy has drawn a cricket-person?

    He can’t even follow simple instructions. Ha. Ha. He’s dumb.

  11. Pozzo
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Is Ditto’s teacher related to Gunk from “Curtis,” by any chance?

  12. BigTed
    February 5th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Sex with Mary may sound awful — but apparently Lynn’s not the only one who can do a triple-axel followed by a sit-spin, if you know what I mean.

  13. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Does Bob Weber really want to start allowing Rat from Pearl Before Swine on his strip?

  14. Comcis Fan
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Is it wrong that I wouldn’t mind a story line in which the grandmom in “Edge City” becomes the cougar for her nerdy college-boy roommate? He’s likely a virgin and she’s already his mentor. Unless he’s a Doogie Hauser, they are two consenting adults. It would drive her son nuts, so plenty of hilarity potential. She already may be attracted to his rather large schnozz.

    I can see it now, they’re heady with excitment over the tuition-increase sit in, and then, unexpectedly, they lock eyes! Then lips!

  15. queek
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    13: Rat’s been there before, remember?

    (I still want to know what the proposed MC/SFx x-over in SFx was going to be.)

  16. Yellow Cat
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth Fan Service.

    The very phrase makes me want to wash my brain out with lye …

  17. Malethoth K.
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Crap, I missed the new page and commented on yesterthread.

    Anyway, Y195: That sort of explains the Argyle Sweater.

  18. onetet
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: $50 for Running Man in Hat would be a little steep, to be sure. But $50 for Elated, Weed-Smoking Man-In-Motion Who, Despite Having Only One Leg, Is Somehow Running Fast Enough to Elevate and Propel as a Kite The Plastic Bag Filled With Dog Turds Tied to His Prehensile Tail? A Bargain. Especially if the buyer gets to keep the “flesh”-colored band-aids used by the artist, in a bonus fit of conceptual-art inspiration, to affix the price tag.

  19. seismic-2
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Even before Frank touched Mary’s shoulder, the events of the previous night were readily apparent, since they both went to the skating rink still wearing their pajamas. if the music that’s being played for Lynn’s free-style rehearsal is the overture to The Magic Flute, I vow never to look at this strip again.

  20. Roto13
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    “Hello, 911? My my morbidly obese friend’s face is turning into a veil. Yes, I’ll hold.”

  21. Joe
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    VCU: “What is football?” Since when did Coach Kosowksi start teaching metaphysical education?

    DEoP: No, no. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

    FR&8 Oh teenagers and their Jello. Will the hijinks ever stop?

    COOP I really don’t think having Mommy say “%@#!” will make the strip any edgier. Though Daddy seems a little turned on.

  22. UncleJeff
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Is the teacher stoned? Nah. She’s just thinking (as she’s heading to her 2nd job as a cheese tray girl at Swiss Colony) “F. F. That’s what you’re getting when I get back home at midnight to grade your tests. F. Ya little bastard.”

  23. Sister Sestina
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    “Certainly not for unsophisticated, derivative trash like this. Why, you couldn’t get a gallery show in Peoria with crap like Running Man In Hat in your portfolio! No, you have to go to New York…if they’d show Lu Ann’s paintings they’ll show anything!”

  24. Daveyk
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Is Mary Worth going to spend the next six months recapping her triumph in this self-congratulatory manner? For God’s sake, there are problems whose need for meddling are going completely unmet! The U.S. Economy, for example.

  25. AmazingThor
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    When you’re you can’t distinguish between your new perfume and gasoline…well maybe “Dick” is an apporpriate name for it after all.

  26. Sister Sestina
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    I went to the L.A. Art Show a couple of weeks back, and a New York gallery was exhibiting a series of trompe l’oeil paintings, each representing a child drawing taped up on a wood-paneled wall. Think meta, Billy, think meta!

  27. StrangeRover
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Is the ‘gag’ that he’s now smudged with lipstick? (I can’t make that out online.) OR – that he’s holding his cello in front of his crotch to hide his raging hard-on?

  28. tb4000
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Crock: To be fair, when your parents choose to name you, their female child, Grossie, it’s pretty obvious you’re going to grow up to be either a fat ass binging on whatever foodstuffs you can or the woman at the carnival running the water gun/boat race with an eye patch.

  29. R in CT
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Giving new, horrifying meaning to “The Triple Lutz.”

  30. spookycatlady
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    I made a disgusting, purile joke last night. It involved my fiance and our 79 year old landlady locked in a carnal embrace. I won’t elaborate, but I was informed that I may have set back physical relations in our house by a week as I gave him an “innie.”

    Mary Worth, huh?

    Instant karma is instant.

  31. AmazingThor
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Now as Electro, ain’t nothing I can’t do!!
    Except maintain a shred of my dignity!

  32. StrangeRover
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Billy – I don’t care how much your ‘father’ gets paid for his effing drivel; if I can prevent one child from taking over a syndicated strip from his father, my work will be done.

  33. Anonymous
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    No, Josh, you’ll have to try harder to blow my mind. But I don’t blame you for trying to make a 20-day denoument more interesting.

  34. NoVan
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    That was me, on a strange computer.

  35. McManx
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    MWorth — If you erase the text from the dialog baloons, you have basically the set up from one of those male enhancement commercials. Only with Mary Worth, there’s no danger of an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

    Crock — I get the “Le Cess Poole” gag, in that I assume Crock is set in French Algiers at the time of the Foreign Legion occupation. However, I don’t get the woman in the burka. Is she supposed to be an observant muslim? If so, why is she on a date with a French prostitute?

    Family Circus — If “Billy” is supposed to be the adolescent alterego of Bil Keane, then perhaps this is a subtle protest from Mr. Keane that his syndicator is not paying him enough to produce this crap.

  36. Comrade Denny
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    The last thing I need to think about after lunch is Mary’s gaping graybeard maw of a vagina and all the the seamen it’s claimed!

    Hahaha! Just kidding of course. Everyone knows that Mary sewed her vagina shut when they started letting Italians into this country.

  37. feraljane
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    C’mon, after days of looking at Frank in that horrible sweater, Mary was glad to give him nine hours of sex just to get him out of it for awhile. Given enough single malt scotch, I’d be tempted to do the same – but I’d have thrown that rag out the window the first time he rolled onto his stomach and asked for a spanking.

    Eeeew – Frank…sex. Eeeew.

  38. Gal Friday
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: yes, Harlequin Man is very happy.

  39. McManx
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    #36 — Did you mean “seamen” or “semen”? Either way, your description of Mary’s maw just made me blow my lunch. Well done, Denny old lad.

  40. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Joe @ 21
    FR&8 went off the rails months ago when it introduced the asthmatic stegasaurus as the “new” mayor without one word of explanation how Slippo and that rude Cobbler found their way out of the time-share presentation. Serously, even L8TW does a better rodeo joke.

  41. Comrade Denny
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    #39 – McManx:

    Artiste that I am, the ambiguity was intentional.

    But now you’ve got me thinking of Leonard Nimoy narrating, “In Search of … the Charterstone Triangle.”

  42. Aging Hipster
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    #37 – feraljane

    You assume that Frank took his sweater off.

  43. Aging Hipster
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Does Lois shop at the same hat store as Momma’s daughter, Marylou?

  44. Sarah
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Whatever. You know that Mary gives amazing head. Why else would Dr. Jeff have endured her abuse for so long?

  45. Dragon of Life
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Those of you focusing on images of Frank and Mary’s dry, dry humping are overlooking the obvious: She clearly helped him by removing his wrist. As a horrible mutant flipper-hand-man Frank’s skill at training his daughter will increase sevenfold, for entirely logical reasons which are too interesting and reasonable to be explained in upcoming days.

  46. Joe
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    PeteMoss at 40

    You are thinking of DF&G. The confusion is understandable. Both take place in Dinkyville.

  47. Amanda M
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Thank you for your comments of Mary Worth, Josh. I now need therapy to remove the images from my brain. I will be sending you the bill monthly. Adios!

  48. Gabacho
    February 5th, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth and BigTed says: “Sex with Mary may sound awful — but apparently Lynn’s not the only one who can do a triple-axel followed by a sit-spin, if you know what I mean.”

    I do know what you mean, damn you, BigTed. I’ve kept the image out of my mind and now it’s there and stuck and it’s your fault. I hate you.

  49. Erin
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’ve been reading this blog for years, and I have never, ever posted a comment. But dude, that Mary Worth thing… too far. Too. Far. There just isn’t enough liquor in the world to get rid of that image. I’m going to have to pray to Our Sweet Lady Head Trauma.

  50. Larry McAwful
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Keep it up, little Flagston boy. I’ll only make things rougher for you in school tomorrow. Does your Uncle Beetle remember leaving me waiting on prom night? I remember, child. I remember…

  51. Trista
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Reading what you wrote about Mary was disgusting and wrong. I recoiled from my computer and caused concern in my co-workers. One brave soul decided to check what caused it and then promptly vomitted.

    I am never going to be able to look Mary Worth in the eyes again.

  52. Gabacho
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Crock – fat jokes are, well, stupid and meanspirited. But I must say that they are at least better in this strip than in Cathy. You can just ignore Grossie and get on with your life but Cathy leaves you homicidal.

    Pickles – I know it’s not on the Chronicle list but it makes me laugh.

    Rex Morgan – Getting ready for a threesome, eh, Guido? You might want to work on your pretext though. Mrs. RMMD is a medical professional too and you’re just lucky that she didn’t offer to come with (pun intended) when you showed up at the cabin door with that lame story.

  53. Uncle Lumpy
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Our Sweet Lady Head Trauma = Sex with Mary Worth!

  54. Comrade Denny
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Brenda: Oh, “Aunt” Brenda … I get it! Implying that the woman you’re banging is also your sister is an excellent and not at all confusing way to protect your child’s innocence.

    Crock: I like the prostitute’s peevish sarcasm is Panel 2, as if she too is irritated by the lame string of unrelated fat jokes.

    DtM: You know, Henry, if you just stopped talking smack about – well, everyone, it would seem – you might not find yourself in these situations.

    MT: Wow, even the guns in Panel 2 are arguing. Talk about a house divided!

    S4th: Sally, leave the Doctor Who cosplay at home – with Ted – where it belongs, if such a thing can be said to belong anywhere.

  55. Poteet
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    As an older person, I occasionally wish for more positive media images of older people who are happily sexually active, images that don’t involve side-by-side bathtubs or hair dye. But sex between Basilisk Eyes and Hideous Sweater is not what I had in mind.

  56. Lolsworth
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Josh I hate you now. Josh you are my enemy for the rest of time do you hear me Josh.

  57. Charterstoned
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    MW –
    There was a dame post-menopausal
    Whose relationships always were causal
    She tried hard to soften
    Advice she gave often
    Thus softening every guy’s nozzle.

  58. bats :[
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    42. Aging Hipster: I wonder if Frank’s sweater matches his socks. If you know what I mean…

  59. trey le parc
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    MW: “I’d love to Frank…but I’d better get back home!”

    I think what she meant to say was: “Jeez, Frank, I can barely walk as it is, and after that thing with the ice skate I’d better see my dentist, too.”

  60. Jervas
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    FC: That “joke” seems familiar. In my defense I’ve been reading through the archives of this site recently, but the fact that a Family Circus strip stuck in my memory for more than a week saddens me.

  61. Spunky N. Tadpole
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Jeez, are you we all disgusting, or what? A couple of panels of Mary Worth are enough to trigger a spate of low sex jokes and anatomical vulgarity?
    What’s next: “Kentucky jelly” cracks??

    Besides, I don’t think Frank is all that interested in Mary *that way* – she doesn’t have enough hair to do up in a little ponytail….

  62. Poteet
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    # 37 feraljane — Thanks a lot. Now the image seared into my brain includes naked Frank, his hideous sweater, and single malt scotch. Please don’t tell me which single malt you had in mind.

    Too late. I may never be able to drink Bowmore again.

  63. Ranger
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Nine hour sex romp? I bet 8.5 of those hours were spent with Mary giving Frank advice on how to find her G-spot.

  64. Comrade Denny
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    #55 – Poteet:

    Her hair is silver of old
    Her lips a polite rictus
    Her hands are deathly cold
    She’s got Basilisk eyes
    She’ll turn her meddling on you
    You won’t be able to blink twice
    She’s sure as a New Yorker on blow
    She’s got Basilisk eyes…

    And she’ll freeze you,
    She’ll unease you,
    All the better just to quease you
    She’s precocious and she knows just
    Which of your buttons just to push
    She’s knows how to moralize
    She’s got Basilisk eyes…

  65. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Joe @ 46
    Corretion noted and appreciated. Dinkyville is also way to similar to Plotzberg in GOOP, too. Where’s the orginality? Next thing you know, Dinkyville will be getting a zepplin, too.

  66. zooby
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    You know, this round of meddling has been far below Mary Worth’s usual meddle standards. Barely a platitude has been uttered! So I can’t figure out why she’s still hanging around. Maybe she’s decided to use her power for evil, not good. Yes, that’s probably why she’s donned her fancy hot pink t-shirt. It’s her new costume. Once she joins forces with Harlequin Man, nothing will stop The Meddler! Mwaaahahahahahaa! Nothing except the nagging feeling that lives are going unmeddled elsewhere, that is.

  67. Baka Gaijin
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Josh: aaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! OW OW OW OW OW OW!!! QLUNK!!! [sound of Baka's mind belng blow, but not in the good way]

  68. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Comrade Denny @64
    Damn, a Kim Carnes 80′s flashback riff! Well played!

  69. Anonymous
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    #60 Jervas – Good catch, but all that really tells us is that Billy is a slow learner. I think we already knew that.

  70. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    I just think Frank found the only sure way to shut Mary the-hell-up! Seems drastic, but sometimes you’re left with the nuclear option.

  71. AhClem
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    No. no. no. Mary Worth is the anti-sensual. I’m not listening. Lalalalalalala. Oh say, can you see…

  72. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Crock: I was so incensed by the dumb fat jokes and the and the crude way in which they were strung together, that I almost failed to notice that Grossie’s friend seems to have a fish strapped to her head. You know what they say: men seldom make passes at girls who wear dead fish.

  73. Cranky
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth sex is like the current storyline: decent foreplay, sudden orgasm, and then it takes the damn biddy three hours to finally climb off you.

  74. Randall
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    C’mon Mary is the ultimate dominatrix. Can’t you just see her in a leather corset and stillitos, ‘correcting’ Frank. Oh yeah.

  75. Baka Gaijin
    February 5th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    #64 Comrade Denny: When’s the video coming out?

  76. Mooncattie
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth…..nine-hour sex session…I’m so cold….so very, very cold….

    H&L – I’m pretty sure that’s actually Hi in a wig, working his daylight hours alter-ego that the kids don’t know about and Lois never ever dares acknowledge.

  77. trey le parc
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: I should have said “proctologist” instead of “dentist” but I didn’t know if we were all ready for that disturbing mental image, as though all images relating to sex and Mary Worth aren’t already suitably disturbing.

  78. Frippin in the Krotz
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    If Comcast had interrupted the Super Bowl with Frank and Mary Worth screwing, they’d be on the hook for a LOT more than 10 bucks per subscriber. Lifetime psychiatric counseling and a year’s worth of proper porn to cleanse all those tainted synapses in the brain is more like it.

  79. queek
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    good thing, too, as it’s the fourth hour that requires medical attention. . . .

  80. Winky's Spleen
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    #60 – Well, it’s not exactly news that Billy probably needs to be told something a lot more than once.

  81. Comrade Denny
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    #75 – Baka Gaijin:

    Not sure. I have to finish my my video for Mark Trail’s “99 Drowned Raccoons” first.

  82. Baka Gaijin
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    #74 Randall: See Mary the Dominatrix at minute 2:15. No need to thank me.

  83. queek
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    darnit, 79 is in response to 73.

  84. Donald the Anarchist
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    H&L Lois seems wary. Do they also have the same meth dealer? Don’t worry, Lois, I’m sure she’s just as embarrassed as you are…

    Crock Poor Grossie. She knows she’d be skinny, too, if she had a brain tumor.

    FC “You get five cents for a picture, ten for a wallet, just like everyone else in the compound!”
    MW So who says it was last night? For all we can tell, they aren’t wearing pants…

  85. UncleJeff
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    #37 – feraljane – That’s not a sweater. That’s Frank’s multi-colored chest and back hair.
    He just can’t help “presenting” in public.

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    #35 McManx,
    Why does Grossie wear a burqa? I think it’s (artist whose name I refuse to look up)’s way of avoiding that troublesome “drawing people” work.

  87. Hibbleton
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Comic seductions
    Mary: “Let’s fuck”
    Margo: “Fuck You”
    Edda: (already fucking)

  88. Muffaroo
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    9CL – She can’t accompany the concerto, but she can still give him oral support.

    C2Home – Art tip: Draw the background and then put the characters in it, not the other way around. And draw it in pencil first, then ink it. Also, don’t put in things that look like they should be part of the joke, but which have nothing to do with it.

    DtMenace – “Hey Dad! Which pocket does she keep his balls in?”

    DTracy – The clumsily pasted-in type is a special treat for people who like to pretend they’re reading a foreign translation.

    H&Jamaal – I get the distinct impression Herb calls his own phone so he can act surprised later on that he has a message.

    MTrail – Coming soon to this comic strip: Death of a Patty Animal!

    Mduke – Okay, how would they know that it’s not just the dog barking? Did Marmaduke leave a receipt lying around?

    MWorth“You’ve been a great host.” “And you’ve been a great parasite.”

    SFox – Stay tuned for next time, when the readers will send in drawings of their favorite Peanuts characters.

    SSMiff – Jamey ain’t no rent-boy, Jughaid! Whut he duz, he duz fer luv.

    Ziggy – This one clearly shows that Ziggy is a hopeless loser with no life, which means that the cartoonist has succeeded in imparting his vision to us. Well-enough done, Wilson!

  89. Muffaroo
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Matmaduke @y193 – You should tell him personally about labeling his glassware. I’ll be interested to see his retort.

    Formerly Ben @y194 – True; if Seca Noll is just an innocent patsy, Tracy will be allowed to express a moment of regret after his freakish demise. If it’s a perfume explosion, he’ll say, “He’s already decomposing, but he still smells like a million bucks!” (“A million bucks,” incidentally, is how Ken will meet his doom in Mark Trail.)

    kalki @y202Son of Sam got his orders from his neighbor’s dog… And where did Davey get his orders? (MAD TV animation by Corky Quackenbush)

    Paul1963 @y213 – Putting Slim in the cook position makes sense if you consider the possibility that Corky is planning to burn the place down for the insurance while simultaneously settling some scores. There’s probably some reason he hates the waitress, and the regular cook is somebody he wanted to spare.

    StrangeRover @27 – The 9CL ‘gag’ will one day be revealed to be a hole in the back of the cello. Further, deponent sayeth not.

    PeteMoss @40 – Whoops! I almost went right past Joe @21. Thanks for the heads-up!

    Li’l Bunnë FooFoo@72 – ITYM “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear basses.”

  90. Comrade Denny
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    No doubt I’m stepping well beyond the bounds of propriety, but Josh started it:

    “Ladies of the Comics Page”

    Margo’s is a no go,
    And Mary’s very hairy,
    But Edda tastes like chedda,
    And so Amos wants to marry.

    Buxley’s oh so buxom,
    And Betty loves the sweaty,
    But Veronica can play harmonica
    From underneath her nightie.

    Grossie needs a hose-y,
    June needs all Cancun,
    And Sally needs to rally,
    After Ted has left the room.

  91. rocketbride
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    dude! i’m a high school teacher and i actually met a student in the public library less than an hour before i read this entry. curmudgeon is taking over my *life.*

  92. Fintan the Fish
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    This is the first time reading The Family Circus has made my jaw drop… well, the first time for a reason other than its (insert witty FC trash talk here). The adult in the scene is subconsciously transmitting to Billy (and the comic’s audience) the idea that artists have no business earning money from their work. #35 (McManx) has the right idea suggesting it might be a jab at the Syndicate by Keane. That may be true but I think it’s deeper than that – Keane doesn’t realize that his price for that jab and yet another deadline met is the perpetuation of the idea that “we” only pay for art through the system. “We” cannot just ask for compensation for our work in the free market. “We” give our work away for free until we are recognized professionals dealing through the appropriate middle man… or until we stop being creative individuals and become the Cogs that run society, not leach off it looking for grant money and taking hard earned money away from cultured folk who should be spending it on bigger TVs and cable subscriptions.

    And while I’m rambling on, compare “Billy, age 7″ with the 9 year old iPhone app developer in the news today. I’ll bet he’s made more than $50 from his hacked up demo code… oh wait, he’s not making art, he’s making software – something useful. And selling it through Apple. Sorry, I thought there was some parallel there.

  93. Dan
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    I’m not seeing any grin on Ditto’s face. That’s clearly a snide, world-weary, disaffected gape.

  94. Aitherion
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    FC’s used this “joke” before.

    It shocks and saddens me that I know this.

  95. Jude
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Thursday “quickies”. The Mary Worth entry.


    I see what you did there.

  96. tom
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Anyone remember the old “Mad” book that made fun of comics? I wish I still had it, but I remember that even way back then Mary Worth was getting picked on. “Mad” showed Mary meddleing and in the last panel showed Mary to be a robot. I think that’s what she is, a self aware “meddlebot”.

  97. Muffaroo
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    FCircus – Billy comes home, discouraged. “First she tells me I can’t put a price on my ass, then…”

  98. Fintan the Fish
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    P.S. #6 (kalki): Billy’s siamese twin was detached at age 6 and died shortly after. What you’re seeing is her ghost returning to witness the smashing of Billy’s dreams of making a living as an artist.

  99. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Aitherion @ 93
    Damn recyling, lazy-assed legacy comics.

    By the way Aldo Kelrast may or may not be an anagram, but at least he looks like Capt. Kanga….(darn it, now I’m recycling, too!)

  100. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    It’s like the tunalicks are running the salium! Ahhh!

  101. Cranky
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    And by “roommate,” Dr. Morgan, I mean my live-in lover, George. And by “sick,” I mean he has herpetic lesions on his genitals. What I’m trying to say is, since George is out of commission, would you like to go “below decks” with me while I’m still between outbreaks?

  102. Komerade X
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Maybe Amos was standing on a chair?

  103. Spunky N. Tadpole
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @ #88, Muffaroo:

    I think you’re on to something here re the latest Gasoline Alley storyline: as a comic-strip it sucks, but as a 30s-40s-style “hard-boiled” novella – think Dashiell Hammett or, better yet, James M. Cain – it makes a lot more sense. And would be a hell of a lot more intriguing.

    I mean, all the noir elements are there: the seedy diner with its lineup of glum “regulars”; the irascible owner, the stolid cook, the wisecracking waitress (all of whom you just know have something *wrong* going on between them) – and, as comic relief, the fat doofus (Slim) shoved into the middle of the story: either as foil for the nefarious plottings of one (or more) of the others. Or, in the time-honored tradition of the genre, as the Designated Chump – usually unlikely to survive til the final chapter.

    If Scancarelli really was channeling Cain, you know that “burning down the diner for the insurance” would be the least of the plot twists (myself, I wouldn’t trust Terry the waitress as far as I could throw her) – but unfortunately, it’s only Gasoline Alley; not Black Mask, so we probably won’t get any more noir than a few “%@!$#!*&” s from Corky as Slim systematically ruins his business. A shame, really.

  104. Violet
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    I am completely at a loss to understand Chick-Who-Everyone’s-Characterizing-As-A-Prostitute-Which-Is-Disconcerting-Because-I-Like-Her-Look-And-Would-Totally-Wear-That-Except-For-The-Cow’s-Tongue-Hat’s rejoinder to her friend’s tale of dieting woe. I assume it’s supposed to be sarcasm, if such a thing even exists in the humorless Crock mise-en-scene, but even as such it is completely nonsensical. I can only assume this exchange was followed by Grossie confiding, “It’s really discouraging sometimes” and hooker lady replying, “You and what army?”

    On a more positive note, I totally want to hang out at that bar. Le Cess Poole has it all: A facade designed by a drunken architect while watching no-budget westerns and admiring his child’s macaroni art; a would-be punny name that isn’t really a pun at all and has entirely negative connotations; an oddly-assorted, inscrutable clientele; and a nice bag of posies on every table.

  105. Islamorada Girl
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Joe: Sometimes, the characters from VCU seem to be in Dinkyville, even though it’s supposed to be set in Oysterback.
    Is this because the artists for VCU and DF&G are twins?

    Speaking of VCU, Big Bubble’s comment on Elsie being mistaken for Old Man Grubb coming out of Wally’s was actually funny.

  106. Larry McAwful
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    #95 tom:

    I don’t remember that Mad article, but I do remember one where they psychoanalyzed comic strip characters. Mary Worth’s analyst told her that she’d be much happier if she’d quit meddling in other people’s lives. When a young woman tells Mary that she wants to run off to Mexico with her boyfriend who’s a no-good gold-digger, Mary brushes the whole thing off. The last panel showed the analyst with the young woman he’d just counseled, saying to her, “See? I told you I’d fix it.”

    That was the best one in that whole piece. Also great was Beetle Bailey’s analyst, who encouraged him to develop a more positive outlook and to apply himself to being a soldier. Sarge was impressed and told Beetle so. “So, are you giving me that promotion?” asked Beetle. “Nope,” said Sarge with a smile, “We’re sending you to Vietnam.” (Beetle, of course, looked crestfallen upon hearing this news.)

    God, I love Mad.

  107. FyamanD
    February 5th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    I really think the theme in all these comics is the merciless beating of children. Clearly Billy is about to get his ass put in a sling. I don’t even want to go into detail what is going to happen to the semi-retarded Ditto.

    In Crock, the Elephant Man’s wife clearly has eaten her share of human babies. Hence the immediate need to call 911?

    I see no problem with the Mary Worth strip. Old people doing it is something I can see online at all hours of the day AND night. Hot fire!

  108. Gal Friday
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Muffaroo 87: MWorth – “You’ve been a great host.” “And you’ve been a great parasite.”


  109. Razmytaz
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    106 FyamanD: It’s not the old folks issue at *all*. It’s the fact that it’s Basilisk Eyes as she services the latest husk of a victim.

    I think I need to be in (increasing) favor of old folk sex, given my status as a late boomer.

  110. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    I-Girl @104
    Sure, VCU can be funny, but Big Bubble sometimes comes off as a pathetic, imitation Poodle-man, the funniest character in T-Sup. “Wing-Ho, men!” Ha hahahah.

  111. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Can you imagine having to listen to Mary Worth’s post-coital platitudes? Ahhh!

    “A wise man once said, ‘Tis a fine thing to strive for the devine moments blah blah blah….”

    “Like two, intwined by spirt to the twisting reed in the wind of emotion blah blah blah…made me who I am today blah blah…Do you have light, dear? Blah blah, blah…”

    “I’ve always maintained that it is enobling of spirit to strive for the good of the other, to chose in generosity the wet side blah blah blah blah…”

  112. commodorejohn
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Sometimes a cello is just a cello. This is not one of those times.

    AS – I spent way, way longer than I should have staring at this cartoon and trying to figure it out, to no avail. And I just know that whatever the explanation is, it’s so appallingly unfunny that I’d just hate Hillburn all the more for it.

    BB – Another day, another phallic symbol in Beetle Bailey.

    DT – Okay, I see where this is going (you’d have to be a sightless cave fish not to,) but I’m missing the “villainous plot” part. You know, being as Dick is typically involved in the murder apprehension of criminals, rather than the committal of less-than-competent chemists.

    FC – Looks like someone needs an Ayn Rand-ing.

    FW – You know, a story about a dead woman attempting to communicate with the world through her husband’s writings could actually be pretty interesting. Just not in Funky Winkerbean, where it will undoubtedly meander along for a week or two before being dropped unceremoniously and without warning, just like the three dozen plot threads before it, in the name of “writing.”

    GA – Just kill him. Please.

    GT – I’m willing to bet this just has to do with this whole oft-repeated “Dylan Bauza is sort of not maybe a criminal or something” thread, but I can’t help but interpret this as the lead-in to a loony role-reversal interracial-dating storyline. Also, it appears that the Larkin twins are the spawn of none other than Steve Urkel. Tremble, world.

    Luann – Does the fact that Luann has, in its utter sincerity, become a better parody of over-enthusiastic Obama fans than Mallard Fillmore‘s actual attempts to parody them reflect worse on Evans, or Tinsley? Discuss.

    MF – WHAT

    MT – You know, it’s gotten to the point where I’m not even surprised by talking firearms any more. It’s still funny, but it’s not in the least bit unexpected. Maybe I’ve been reading this strip for too long.

    Phantom – Goodness, this sure got even more ridiculous pretty quick. I’m digging the funky coloring in panel two, though.

    RMMD – Wow, in the time it took Abbey and Sam to go for a drive in the snow, Sophie finished puberty and went on a cruise. That’s Judge Parker time for you.

    SFx – Rat from PBS as Hef? Amber, you rock.

    SM – You know, I can think of at least half a dozen non-villainous (and likely more profitable) applications for this ability. I wonder if there’s some sort of moral polarization in the Marvel universe when you get superpowers, or was it just that Dillon was too stupid to bother thinking of less hazardous professions than “high-profile bank robber?”

    Ziggy – Today’s Ziggy really gets down to what the comic is all about: the mockery of an empty, lonely shell of a man for the state of his pathetic life. As such, it represents a marked improvement in the strip.

  113. Vince M
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    95, 105 – I remember MAD’s parody of ‘Route 66′ , a weekly show about two guys with no visible means of support driving around the country in a Corvette solving people’s problems – they end up running into Mary Worth (not literally, I’m afraid), who is incensed at anyone muscling into her territory.

  114. Vince M
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    MT – So, instead of a little angel and devil on Ken’s shoulder, he has guns?

  115. Donald the Anarchist
    February 5th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    #111 Commodore John See, herpes and herpetology come from the same Latin base, so people get easily confused. Did I say people? I used to be very confused when I read personal ads with the description, “mildly herpetic,” and would wonder how these people qualified as reptilian and why they would wish to advertise the fact…

  116. Doyle
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    I’m always a little put off by how cross the adults in The Family Circus seem to get over every little thing that the kids do. I mean, I love seeing Billy get put in his place as much as the next reader, but I don’t think these kids would be half as screwed up if they weren’t being raised in what looks to be a remote Fascists-for-Christ community.

  117. Patrick
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Evidently, Le Cess Poole is such a cheap dump that Grossie’s hooker-looking friend has to mime sitting in a chair, as Grossie has taken the only one.

  118. commodorejohn
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    #114 Donald The Anarchist – Okay, now explain the reference to George Clooney.

  119. Jamus The Bartender
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Crock: No, Fat Lady. 911 does not deliver pizza. Do not call them for pizza. Nor should you call them when people in dorms are going door to door selling t-shirts. The person at the end of the phone gets awful shirty with you ( hee hee) and tells you to talk to your RN.
    Mary Worth: Everyone’s getting all squicky because of the idea of sex between Mary and Frank. Simply because Mary is an older woman. That’s no reason to not have sex with someone. We all get old. The reason to avoid having sex with Mary is this…” No…no, that’s not right. You’re doing it all wrong. No, no, NO. Here, let me tell you a story of someone who did that and now he’s in prison….Oh, here, let me do that…”

  120. WillieO
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    Sadly, Billy’s art was the best chance he had to earn money to buy his indenture back from his parents. Now his only hope is medical experiments.

    -As a teacher myself, I can tell you that satisfied smirk means that she has already graded and failed Ditto. She knows the joke is on him.

  121. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn @ 117
    Everybody knows that Clooney is chock full of STD….and a boatload of handsome!

  122. Muffaroo
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    tom @95 et seq – Heh. Seems old to you, but to me, it came out after I’d largely stopped keeping up with MAD (if we’re talking about the magazine special of comics from about 1981 — even later if you mean the book that came out recently enough that I got one at Barnes & Noble a year or two ago). I hold that the greatest thing MAD ever did was the “Comic Opera” that was illustrated to perfection (on Duotone board) by Wally Wood. I have my own set of scans of this story, which I had printed out on tabloid sheets at OfficeMax. After Elder and Kurtzman left, the best comic parodies were always by Wood (and the best of those were written by Gary Belkin, who didn’t stay around long either, sadly).

    Spunky N. Tadpole @102 – Indeed, yes! And whatever plot is afoot, I hope it would involve gasoline, and possibly an alley of some sort.

  123. Islamorada Girl
    February 5th, 2009 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    Pete! 109: T Sup was removed from my local rag and replaced with
    Just Stuppy when Gannet bought it out. I was heartbroken, because now I’ll never know if Poodleman hooked up with Esmeralda, or if she went back to
    Quimbee. And what happened to Drewel? Did he get arrested or did he walk?
    JS is pretty lame. There are only so many jokes you can make about middle schoolers and seal blubber before it gets really old.

  124. OKStan
    February 5th, 2009 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth turned into 9CL so gradually, no one noticed.

  125. Joe Blevins
    February 5th, 2009 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    A recent study shows that children with unpopular names are more likely to commit crimes as adolescents. That being said and since he’s already at a mall, Ditto might want to start prepping for that life of crime now. C’mon, Ditto, there’s gotta be a Mr. Bulky’s nearby, and no one will miss a few handfuls of gummi worms.

  126. geoff
    February 5th, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    The Family Circus was absolutely hysterical. Of course Billy would try and put a price on his doodle – that’s what he’s been taught. If daddy puts a price on all of those malformed caricatures he calls art, why shouldn’t he? And it’s exactly his look of mystification at the teacher’s scolding (and perhaps thus even a degree of ambivalence towards it) that completes the strip. Daddy doesn’t believe in art for art’s sake – he says that kind of talk is sinful.

  127. Timmer
    February 5th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Ditto’s teacher is looking like Wakko Warner to me. All she needs is a backwards red cap and a tongue hanging out the side of her mouth.

  128. PeteMoss
    February 5th, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    me @111 May I take a do over, please? I forgot to preview before.

    Can you imagine having to listen to Mary Worth’s post-coital platitudes? Ahhh!

    “A wise man once said, ‘Tis a fine thing to strive for the devine moments blah blah blah….”

    “Like two, entwined by spirit to the twisting reed in the wind of emotion blah blah blah…made me who I am today blah blah…Do you have a light, dear? Blah blah, blah…”

    “I’ve always maintained that it is enobling of spirit to strive for the good of the other, to chose in generosity the wet side blah blah blah blah…”

  129. commodorejohn
    February 5th, 2009 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    #127 Timmer – Hey, don’t forget the incongruous Liverpool accent!

  130. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    We do not put prices on our drawings because artists are gay and jesus is against that.

  131. Poteet
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    # 64 Comrade Denny — I’m torn between admiration for your perceptive verbal skills and deep uneasiness at your imagery. Now Mary’s pitiless gaze will give me even deeper creeps.

  132. Digger
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Billy, I’ll give you $50 to go away and never come back. Oh, and take your shitty little drawing with you.

  133. sugarpie
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    BBaily I can barely be bothered to read you in your regular horizontal form. Sideways? Sorry, but you’re going to have to bring way more to the table.

    SpMan Electricity doesn’t work like that. Magnetism doesn’t work like that.-commodorejohn

    And for God’s sake! Even the English Language doesn’t work like that!

    Gojira, Dr Weird- Yesterthread-Thanks for the economic feedback on all the weeklies cancelling Tom Tomorrow, Derf, etc. It Sucks!

    bats :[ Seriously, stop! My neighbors are complaining

    #88Muffaroo Snort! Haw Haw Haw

    #119 Jamus Seek counseling.


  134. Charterstoned
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – So guns really DO kill people…and deer!

  135. sugarpie
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    128 PeteMoss You too. Counseling.

  136. True Fable
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    # 119 Jamus the Bartender – I always thought that the reason to avoid having sex with Mary Worth is because… well, because she’s MARY WORTH, the Time Lord, the Antichrist, the Harbinger of Doom, Mistress of Fear and the Equalizer. Underneath that salubrious veneer clinks the metal-shrouded pump where a heart ought to be, and the wrinkled folds of hide that once contained living cells.

    And, she has the bad manners to point at people. I really hate that.

  137. thatquietkid
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    So, Electro just HAPPENS to have a Super villain Costume handy just in case he gains electric powers? That’s like if Mark Trail just HAPPENED to have an all khaki outfit when he decided to be a Famous Conservationist.

  138. CanuckDownSouth
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    What? You mean this isn’t the online group counselling session for comics-trauma?

  139. John
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Yes, maybe Ditto’s teacher is on some mood-altering drug.

    Or, maybe she’s just a pleasant person who doesn’t mind meeting her students outside of school.

    I’m a teacher, and I smile at kids when I meet them outside of school. Because I’m a nice person and I like my students. No, I’m not on some mind-altering drugs.

    Seriously, sometimes you try too hard.

  140. seismic-2
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Ditto’s teacher walks into a bar. Can you blame her?

  141. druidbros
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    MW – I think what Frank had in mind for Lynn’s new training involves wrist restraints and a cat-o-nine tails. That is why he wants Mary to stick around.

    MT – If only Patty was quick enough to tell Ken that she loved HIM more than Bucky, we could just short circuit this whole plot line.

  142. Mel
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Mary took her teeth out and went for the gummer didn’t she?

  143. Winky's Spleen
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    #125 – I had not heard that before, that people with unpopular names are more likely to turn to crime. It’s funny; my wife wanted to name our son Michael, but I insisted on Cuthbert. I suppose next time he’s up for parole I should really try and make it up to both of them.

  144. bats :[
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]


    FW: damn!!! Is that Chat Bleu? I didn’t even get a chance to PhotoShop this!

    MW: why do I feel so … dirty .. reading this?

  145. rachel
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    did anyone else catch the Hemingway reference in today’s Pearls Before Swine? (it’s the short story “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place,” if that rings a bell.) a clean, well-lit cafe, closing time, brandy and tears…all part of the story. wacky!

  146. papa zita
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo’s reaction in panel 3 “She’s touching me! Ick, human contact!”


    Rex Morgan, Lamb Led to Slaughter: As Rex follows further into the bowels of the ship, Guido will be able to maneuver Rex into entering a chain locker, after which June and the moppet will be all his, heh heh.

  147. Arouette
    February 6th, 2009 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hey, Brooke? Phone call for you from an “O. Henry”…

    …dude sounds *pissed*.

  148. Eldaglass
    February 6th, 2009 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    Ditto’s lucky. Billy’s raging, Marxist, about-to-stick-her-finger-in-someone’s-eye teacher obviously needs to be on something.

  149. bats :[
    February 6th, 2009 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    Admit it…we ALL want to see Mary break a hip.

    RMMD: and is nothing of the past relegated forever to the past?
    (sorry, you’ll have to size up).

  150. Donald the Anarchist
    February 6th, 2009 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    #s 118, 121 I wonder if because it’s Berkeley, and Clooney’s an outspoken liberal. Damn it, just when I had convinced myself that Argyle Sweater made sense!

    Ah, well, today’s isn’t bad, albeit obvious. But the “Love Hurts” as a book title is a nice touch, if a tad remniscent of Dinette Set.

  151. seismic-2
    February 6th, 2009 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    Today Fred Basset becomes Fred Basset Without Fred Basset, apparently. Please make this change permanent.

    Les’s memoirs – literature so depressing it can euthanize a cat.

    Mary and Frank apparently have considerably more of a “history” than I thought. Awwwwwwww. Now they want to revive it. Ewwwwwwwww.

  152. Edward
    February 6th, 2009 at 3:15 am [Reply]

    Feb 6 Mary Worth…break a hip, break a hip, break a hip

    You were all thinking it. Fingers crossed! Time for you to meddle at the care home!

  153. Katie
    February 6th, 2009 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    I think Mary blew something other than Frank’s mind. Well, unless by “mind” you mean head, and by head you mean the glans penis.

  154. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 6th, 2009 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    Friday snark:

    Garfield— Judging by the cover of the catalog, Jon is definitely a Back Door Man, albeit a dumb one. The item he thinks is a “collar” for Garfield, is in reality a musical cock ring.

    MW— So Frank wants to “get” Mary on the ice, eh? That’s pretty kinky. However, when the other skaters see them “resurrecting their old pair moves”, a new skating move will be invented — the reverse peristalsis.

    Luann— Luann is ecstatic that her parents will accompany her on the class trip? Give me a break, Evans. Of all of the weird things that have happened in this strip of late, this is by far the most improbable.

    RMMD— “We hired Dr. Gomez because he was able to get us a good deal on workout mats for our fitness center. He knew some high school district that was simply giving away its wrestling mats.”

  155. Mibbitmaker
    February 6th, 2009 at 5:37 am [Reply]


    BBailey: I expect the rest of that bird’s line goes,
    “…purple people-eater”, in song.

    DtM: That’s not a comic panel, it’s a TV commercial! — Now that’s being a menace!

    DT: Literally or figuratively?

    FW: NOT that stupid BLEU CAT! Please, no! That’s the Thorax of “Funky Winkerbean”.

    GT: “Oh, good! So, that means there’s no probl– Hey, waaaaaaait a minute….!”

    HotC: If she blames the recent Bush administration, I’m shipping her off to Non Sequitur.

    MF: Okay, Tinsley, two weeks at the Hanoi Hilton for you, you reactionary jerk.

    MT: Speaking of jerks… Watch as Killer Ken mistakenly pushes the deer down and shoots his wife…

    Popeye: Fake Swee’Pea should forget this stuff and start up a career in stand-up comedy. Rickles would kill for a line like that!

    PC: Finally, Stantis parts with his conservative ideology in a way that I agree with (besides abandoning it altogether, that is).

    RMMD: “If I could doctor this way, I wouldn’t need the malpractice insurance! …Uh, if I could this way doctor, I’d …Aw, forget it, I’m too depressed!”

    S-M: “Gee, son, you’re in luck…..”

  156. ChattyGenes
    February 6th, 2009 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    Alright, I’ll admit it. The last panel of Saturday’s PBS brought tears to my eyes.


  157. ChattyGenes
    February 6th, 2009 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    ME, @ #156. And that would be FRIDAY’S PBS.

    I’m so anxious for the weekend to begin that I guess I’m imagining it already has.

  158. ChattyGenes
    February 6th, 2009 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    Friday MARY WORTH.

    Brava, Karen Moy!

    You Mudgies can make all the snide comments about “pair-moves” etc. that you like, but I LOVE this delightful little, completely unexpected plot development. It actually made me chuckle and want to read future strips:-)

  159. John C Fremont
    February 6th, 2009 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    FW – It’s “That Darn Cat!” starring Dean Jones as Les Moore, Hayley Mills as The Dead Chick and, of course, That Damnable Darn Cat!

  160. Joe, Upper-Evergreen Guy
    February 6th, 2009 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Re-FOOB: How fitting. It foreshadows the total shithead/pissbrain that Elizaloser will become.

  161. Joe, Upper-Evergreen Guy
    February 6th, 2009 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    FW: “…………..instead, all I’ve got is your old pussy. C’mere kitty kitty….”

  162. gleeb
    February 6th, 2009 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    9CL: “Aren’t you going to play as well? Screw the music; we need our cheap thrill.”

    Archie: Puts a new meaning on the title Betty and Veronica Comics.

    ‘shaft: Ed knows the score in this cancer-eat-dog Batiuk world. The other old codger though, he just wonders who this uncouth geezer is, keeping his hat on during a memorial service.

    ‘bean: In Lisa’s absence, Creepy Les spends a lot of time whining to his fist, which he no doubt substitutes in other areas, as well.

    Get Fuzzy: Lacks any exterior world. The characters just twist and turn in their own, and our, personal hell, going more and more stir-crazy. Go outside, for Pete’s sake!

    Spidey: Oh, the perfect irony! Electro has a family, while Spider-Man’s wife vanished mysteriously. Oh, and the electric bill thing.

  163. Aitherion
    February 6th, 2009 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    FC: …You know what’s even worse? Foob’s used this joke once too. This is depressing.

  164. Mr. O'Malley
    February 6th, 2009 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    MT: When Ken’s head starts to shrink in proportion to his body, watch out! (Maybe it’s a new thing—tiny head is equivalent to facial hair.)

    MW: Please God this will end in some kind of incapacitating injury for Mary. Or the death of Frank, since his role in the plot is done for.

    PmP: Ass humor in the comics!

    Peanuts Back in the 1960s children did not get the option of cool round metal glasses. It was tortoiseshell or else. Buddy Holly made it cool to wear plastic frames, but alas he died about 50 years ago.

    Phantom Somehow I keep reading this as Chocco Island.

    You’re a Plugger if you still drive a Studebaker.

    6C I know that you can get a package deal on a wildlife safari in South Africa and cosmetic surgery. So it’s not really a joke as much as a documentary.

  165. Brick Bradford
    February 6th, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    DT “I know Dick, but the perfume will cover it up”.
    SM Wow! Irony!
    MW Narrative box we’d like to see: “Next: A Broken Hip!”

  166. Whippersnapper
    February 6th, 2009 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    FC: I’m pretty sure Barfy’s only wish is to get the hell away from you and your melon-headed siblings, Dolly.

    MW: Next week, Mary meddles in the lives of her fellow hospital patients as she recovers from a broken hip.

  167. Little Guy
    February 6th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MT: Okay, I want to see Mark try to punch an armed man from THAT distance.

    Curtis: We didn’t sneak off to DC with our kid brother; why punish the readers?

    Tank: If I can’t nominate Brooke and Lynn, I ain’t playin’.

    PBS, this week: Win, win, win.

  168. AhClem
    February 6th, 2009 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MW – If Mary and Frank are about to re-create the skating scene in “Happy Gilmore”, complete with darkened arena and “Endless Love” playing in the background, I am going to be violently ill.

  169. migellito
    February 6th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Actually, in my mind, if Mary Worth actually was an insatiable sex-beast it would make up for so very much. So very, very much.

  170. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    February 6th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    9CL: Those people in the audience didn’t even notice the lipstick on Amos’ face. They just saw Edda walk in and sit down in that dress, and are waiting for her to cross her legs.

    Blondie: God damn, Cookie is built. How old is she supposed to be? Is it OK to lust after her? I betcha Jamus would hit that, and ask for ID later.

    thorps. GAAAH! Don’t DO that!

    H&J: Wow, even this strip’s lettering is getting nonspecific now.

    JP: It’s easy to see who wears the pants in this couple. Who knew the judge’s retirement bash would be a key party?

    Big Dog: Why does he even bring the dog? Wouldn’t this joke have worked just as well if the remote-control display were next to a window, through which we saw Marm outside, leashed to a parking meter or something? The answer is no, because then we wouldn’t get to imagine the poor clerk, sent over by his cowering supervisor to tell him the dog has to wait outside, devoured.

    MW: Oh… God… make it stop… please… I can’t… *urp*

    PMP: Damn furries! They’re everywhere, always talking about their perverted fixations!

    Stripeybutt of the Jungle Harbor: Mr. Narration Box, I read Dr. Seuss as a child. I grew up on Dr. Seuss. Mr. Narration Box, you are no Dr. Seuss. Try this on for size:
    To get into the harbor of the island of the Croccos
    You have to sail your ship between a bunch of jagged rockos.
    You see one Crocco man emerge above the placid waters
    And soon you’ll meet his Crocco wife and Crocco sons and daughters!
    And as the Croccos climb aboard and on the deck they sit
    The thought may just occur to you, “This is a Crocco ship!”

    RMMD: We only know the names of two crew members on this ship, and they both happen to be Hispanic? What are the odds? Is this a Hunky Latins theme cruise or something? Did June pick this cruise line after seeing a commercial on Univision?

    Shoe: There might have been a joke here if the word “menopause” had been used sometime before the punchline.

    Spider-Man Electro: Ha, ha, ha, they’re going to cut off Electro’s electricity! And to think that all along he could have been making money legitimately by feeding his own electricity back into the grid! Oh, the irony! Ha, ha, ha!

    Zits: Ha, ha, ha! Those germs sure are contagious! Ha, ha ha! And did you hear the one about the fat guy? It’s funny ’cause he eats food! And just today, I saw a guy breathing oxygen! Hee, hee! Say, did you know birds FLY? And fish? Seems they SWIM! Oh, oh, stop it, I have the vapors!

  171. Amateur
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh, so THAT’S where this is going. Frank’s going to lure Mary onto the ice and drop her on her head. Clever man, Frank.

  172. Edgy DC
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Speaking of fat, check out the size of the seats in the skating arena. My God, we’ve become a nation of marshmallows.

  173. Calico
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    I haven’t even finished reading my Daily Ink comics, but I’m so excited I just had to come here and say
    It’s finally a reality!
    I hope Dingo can do a fan fic.
    Is Smucker’s sponsoring her?
    She better not do any bong hits, though.

  174. ksilver
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Okay, I think I just got Crock. I think the random “sexy” other woman, of the pointy breasts and the scars from where they reattached her head, is actually making fun of the fat burqa when she says “Poor dear…I’ll call 911.” She’s saying, “Your issues are not an emergency, SHUT UP WOMAN.”

    I called it “fat burqa” because it appears that the burqa has lips, and that those are talking, not the lips that are attached to this woman who is presumably wearing this burqa.


  175. Calico
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    …And in the other comics, looks like cats and birds prevail. (Given the reoccurence of Le Chat Bleu, Les is about to hit the absinthe again like Hemingway, while he figures out what to pen next.)

    …Oh, yeah, and a young deer who is about to become a Venison Manwich for dinner. Time to invite the Trail family over for a meal, Ken!

  176. True Fable
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    A3G Margo is not afraid of living with something forever. We are afraid of Margo, who can live forever.
    Cathy (Must Die) Please please, let that last image of Cathy make the Must Die a reality.
    (WT)DT Whoa, suddenly it’s Tess’s personal perfume now? I thought they were naming it DickFire Love Fire because it would have something to do with Dick Tracy, Man Who Sets People On Fire. Not some hand-wringing housefrau who regularly tries to whip her husband into doing things he doesn’t want to.
    Canadian Zombie zzzZing, all of a sudden we are rushed from the badly imploding Connie Needs A MAYN storey to an old run about Liz Patterson wearing a poopan on her head. Probably full, too.
    FB Please, just quit making this strip.
    FW Le Chat Blaugh is back, ready to make Les his bitch one more time.
    Scenes from Suburban Hell “So” “SO”?!? That kid deserves a boot up his ass.
    JP Hey, this means we’ll see Judge Parker next week (maybe) and Randy (maybe) and probably some Mad Hot Mama we never saw in this comic strip before (but implausibly enough, she’ll be at this party for some damn reason.)
    MT Ken and Patty are about to play “Billy and Sue”, the old sappy song about the soldier who gets the Dear John letter and jumps up and gets picked off by sniperfire. Only this time, Patty will play the part of Billy and will jump up to *gasp, sigh* SAVE HER PET DEER and get ‘accidentally’ shot. (oh sure, right!) Then Mark will go all ballistic on Ken’s face because “You shot the friend of a pet deer friend of mine, plus she was the best piece of ass I’ve had since Samantha Hill!” You just watch and see!
    Marmadick Geez, he’s eating electronic components now. He’s like Greed from FullMetal Alchemist.
    MW It’s been Ice Ages to be exact, Mary.
    RMMW Last panel: Rex is disappointed to learn that there really IS a physician on board, that there REALLY IS a medical emergency, and that Guido wasn’t just using it as a ruse to get him into the hold of the ship for some man-to-man sweaty lovin’ action.
    S-M Wait, he came home through the FRONT DOOR in that getup?Or the kitchen door, it doesn’t matter because there is clearly a street scene behind him in the first panel, which means he what, DROVE home, parked the car, walked through the yard and then and ONLY then, decided to take off his Funky Lady Liberty Crown and his electric neon green and yellow spandex jumpsuit?
    Oh sure, I have neighbors like that too./ sarcasm

  177. papa zita
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    9CL: It’s well-drawn and stupid, but am I glad they aren’t talking today. Edda really lets her freak flag fly with that outfit. The stains on Amos’ fly must be impressive.

    Luann: You mean they’re really going? She roped her parents into chaperoning? Here comes Voyage of the Damned.

  178. Muffaroo
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    9CL – Ohhhhh, yeah! Lipstick! That stuff you stand in front of the mirror and apply. It comes off on other people’s skin (and clothing), I understand. Well, there’s just one thing to do for it. Pull Amos out and bring in the substitute Amos in the third panel. Quick!

    Crock – Okay, that’s funny.

    DTracy“Tess, something smells funny.” Try the speech balloon. This lettering stinks.

    Dbury – Heh. Rick’s waiting for her to die, having reached the end of her allotted span.

    FWbean -

    Try to remember that fatal September
    When she left you a single fellow.
    Try to remember October, November
    With things so bad, you had to bellow.
    Always remember to chew on that ember
    And think of the tears you had to swallow.
    You can remember; you’ll always remember,
    And wallow.

    Wallow, wallow, wallow, wallow, wallow
    Wallow, wallow, wallow, wallow.

    GAlley – I’m with Slim on this one. I left a dishwashing job because they expected me to make sandwiches too, and I felt that this was unhygienic. (I had to do the dishes by hand, so I wouldn’t want to eat anything made with those fingers.)

    H&Jamaal – Either she’s transcending the restrictive specificity of language itself, of she’s enjoying the latest bird’s-eye view of the doings of Snoopy and Charlie Brown and the gang.

    MFmore – You go, duck! Keep encouraging them to go farther out on the right! And tell ‘em I sent ya!

  179. papa zita
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @170: That’s a dress? I always took that thing Edda wore to be a tailored jacket made to resemble the Maoist outfits of the Chinese revolutionary era. Without the pants.

  180. Muffaroo
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    MTrail – Sadly, this reminds me of a gas station owner when I was a kid who raised tame deer in a fenced enclosure. He had to stop because people were shooting them when they walked up to the fence expecting food.

    MWorthAAAAAAAAHHHH! My brain! Please make it stop imagining Meddlin’ Mary’s “Old pair moves” on the ice! Where’s an ice pick when you need one?

    My Cage – This reminds me of when we sponsored someone in a cancer walk, and I went around saying, “My cancer survivor’s gonna kick your cancer survivor’s ass, LOSER!”

    note: I originally had “LOSAH” there, but decided it was too obscure and might hurt the timing of the line. Then I read Non Sequitur and realized what a bullet I had just dodged.

    Phantom – Come one, when do they start selling the Crocco Crispies?

    PCity – Well. Good one.

    R=R – Move over, “Wise Men of Gotham.” Your position as the stupidest creations of myth, legend, or fable has been usurped. Jumping into bramble bushes and scratching your eyes out is no longer the dumbest-assed thing ever. I suspect in a week or two, even desperately trucking snowmen into the garage won’t be, either. Watch this space. (Side effects of watching this space may include nausea, incredulity, and organic brain damage from smacking yourself over the head. Please consult your physician before prolonged watching, and always wear an oven mitt on your head-smacking hand.)

    SSmiff – “Bargain Brand”! I hear it’s every bit as good as “Brand X” used to be. I guess we know where the tenth customer in the “9 out of 10″ comes from.

    S Bump – Yeah, well, I still want to market a “litter rake” that turns your cat’s unsightly box into a Zen Garden. This isn’t going to stop me! I’ll be rich, I tells ya! Rich beyond the dreams of avarice!

    Zippy – Yeah, I’m an old hippie, but I feel like this strip still hits the mark at least a quarter of the time.

  181. Calico
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    FC – That never has been an obstacle for Marmadork, who is always smothering humans with his insatiable drool-kisses and his giant ass.

  182. Islamorada Girl
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth on Ice! Coming soon to a venue near you!

  183. Meanwhile
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MW 1/6: I was all ready to complain about the denouement being longer than the rest of the story arc, but OMG OMG OMG Mary’s going to break a hip! I can’t wait to see how she exerts her meddling powers from a hospital bed! What heights of judginess will she be able to reach once she has bent the entire night nursing staff to her condescending will? I never thought I’d be so excited to see two seniors “resurrect old pair moves”!

    P. S. I think any comment that talks about today’s Mary Worth without explicitly referring to “mature” porn should get bonus points.

  184. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Re: 180 – R=R

    Be careful, smacking yourself over the head can lead to seeing little hearts, rainbows, flowers, and smileys floating around you at all times.

    R=R works so much better if you just assume the whole family is high all the time. That way, such strips as their staying up all night to hang out in the garage and blow bubbles, then switching to hula hoops when they run out of soapy water make perfect sense.

    (Though I didn’t hear Bubbles complaining!)

  185. Calico
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    #182 – All I can say is, thank heavens for Fentanyl.

  186. Calico
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Crud, I meant #183.

  187. buckyswife
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Blondie–I’m just wondering why Mom gets the hip outfit–cute tights, kicky boots–while Cookie has the clothing and (I’m supposing) undergarments of Sally Forth.

    MW: I’d be truly disappointed if Mary broke a hip. No, the only truly satisfying outcome would be if Frank “accidentally” tripped her, and while she lay prone and helpless on the ice, he “accidentally” slipped and sliced her jugular with his skate blade. As Mary bled out, he’d slowly drag her body off the ice, secure in the knowledge that the approaching Zamboni would erase all evidence.

    MT: Why is there a preview from the new movie Push in the final panel today?

  188. buckyswife
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    156 ChattyGenes–I’m with you 100%. Who knew “kersplat” would be such a sad word?

  189. Jamus The Bartender
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    170. Actually, I think Cookie was born during WW2, so she’s older than both of us, but…..damn. Yeah, I know what you mean, Brick.

  190. Braniff
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    FC–If only Barfy lived up to his name in one of these round panels, then the cartoon might be funny!!!

  191. Comcis Fan
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Oh my gosh! Enough! This is a comic strip! If this character is only about talking to his departed wife and smirking with his teenage daughter and pitying himself over his lack of commercial success, what is he doing on the comics page?

  192. MaryAnnTheRest
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    OK, I like Zits and I have to jump in to defend it. I know it hasn’t been funny this week, but would you look at that lettering? The black thought bubble that transcends the color monkeys? The OO in Achoo? Why doesn’t anyone else letter like that in the Comic Sans/Dilbert minimalist world? Also I love the pattern on the blanket and the end table.

    I was also going to say that Jughead was drawn well today, but when I looked back at Archie, I caught a glimpse of the movie poster. What kind of movie were they watching? Some kind of Rat furry thing?

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]


    A3G: Is getting all Telemundo on us now.

    9CL: I love how the guy across from Edda is just blatantly staring at her crotch. What, you think the audience came for the music?

    MW: After what Josh wrote yesterday, I definitely don’ wan’ hear about Mary and Frank’s old pair moves, or their plans to resurrect them.

    S-M: “What, another bill from the Greater New York Irony Department? They just keep piling up.”

    6C: Bad idea to go tanning in Mexico during what appears to be hurricane season.

    FW: “Listen Lis. They’re playing our song. The branch of the linden is leafy and green. The Rhine gives its gold to the sea…

    PBS: The adventures of Ernest Hemingway with webbed feet continue.

    Momma: I don’t even have the strength to ponder Francis wanting a honeymoon period with his mother.

    RMMD: The nurse is sick? Sounds like Guido should have brought a nurse as well. Pity there are none aboard. Specifically, it would be handy if one were sharing a cabin and a loveless bed with Rex.

    BC: If you’re disappointed that today’s BC does not show the Cute Chick naked, you may need to get out more.

    GA: Pay attention, because I may never say this again. Slim is right.

    C-Shaft: “So score another one for Ed Crankshaft. In your face, dead guy!”

    H&J: Sarah is chatting with Snoopy’s pal Woodstock. That bird gossip must be pretty juicy.

    Blondie: “Our little girl is providing fanservice. My fishnets and I are so proud!”

  194. Niall
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    88. Muffaroo:

    MWorth – “You’ve been a great host.” “And you’ve been a great parasite.”

    *dingdingding* We have a float winnah!!

    No, truly, that was simple, inspired, and perfect.

  195. Sequitur
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Hey Gang! It’s about the time of the year to begin to pull out the old TAX BAT !

  196. Rusty
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Luanne is happy her parents are chaperones on the DC trip as it may prevent Bernice from pressuring her for sex. Again.

  197. Cranky
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Um, Edda, given that everyone in the world has seen you and Amos do the nasty, and given that you’re wearing a dress slit up to your, um, chickweed, how embarrassed can you really be by a little of your lipstick being on Amos’ face?

  198. commodorejohn
    February 6th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #179 papa zita – I’m pretty sure that’s what it normally is (I’ve always compared it with Ranma’s shirt from Ranma ½, myself.) I guess she has a dress version for formal occasions, where “formal” is defined as “not having sex in public.

    A3G – I think what Nora’s trying to tell her is that she’s already boffed about twelve other guys.

    Crock – I’m kind of concerned, guys. I… laughed at Crock today.

    FW – I dunno, guys. I know The Blue Cat (note my eschewing of Batiuk’s pretentious French) is loathed around here, but last time she seemed to be one of the only sane characters in the strip, and the only one willing to call Les out for his whining and self-pity. I guess what I’m saying is, as long as this involves the trampling of Les’s self-worth by a figment of his imagination, I’m cool with it.

    JP – Of course Sophie will be a good cheerleader. She’s in a Baretto comic.

    Luann – Private meeting with…? Evans, this had better be a joke.

    MF – Holy crap, Tinsley used more than one joke in a week!

    MT – Um…ha ha?

    MW – And thank you all so much for prepping me for that brain-searing “get you on ice” line. I don’t know if I could have survived it without forewarning.

    Momma – VILE.

    PBS – Wow. This is…um…wow. Man, Tom Batiuk wishes he could be this poignant.

    Phantom – The Phantom has learned to count! Well, not “count” per se, but apparently the ability to differentiate between “one object” and “multiple objects” is so novel that the narration box feels the need to tell us about it.

    PC – Prickly City commits some more Republican heresy. Hm.

    SM – So he’s robbing banks to provide for his son. Honestly, compared to the arachna-powered college student who spends his days bitching at the TV, I’d say Electro is actually the better hero here, despite being nominally the villain.

  199. bats :[
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    158. ChattyGenes re MW: sadly, I have to agree. Just to see Mary moving (other than her lips and her palsied hands) is interesting. I mean…geez…it’s been over a year since we’ve seen her doing something active, when she was riding her bike and collecting roadkill Chester.

    173. Calico: Mary only makes it through her deadly dull day-after-day life *because* of bong hits.

    Just to toot my own hoseaphonium, I called the return of Chat Bleu on 3 February, mostly because a smart-ass cat ALWAYS trumps a dead wife (yeah, yeah, big whoop — like this stuff isn’t telegraphed):
    (third mashup down)

  200. AhClem
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    MT – Okay, everybody say it with me:

    “You shot a friend of mine’s pet deer!”

  201. Anonymous
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    200: I was going to go with “Bucky doesn’t understand Ken’s hostility”, but yours is better.

  202. gleeb
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    198 (commodore, on ‘bean): I don’t care if a man talks to an imaginary cat, unless I’m asked to watch.

  203. Professor Fate
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    FW: Les remember to cut up the vein not across. Tom: When a strip with a talking duck schools you on being sad and funny at the same time – it’s time to try a new line of work – perhaps writing depressing ads -”You all alone in the world – why not order a pizza? Montoni’s – when the will to live is weak.”

  204. bats :[
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Ohh, I SO want to see Bucky Katt leveling a rifle at Ken…

  205. odinthor
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    MW. — Mary Worth on ice? Maybe in a drawer at Count Morgu’s? sniffle. My dream has come true at last! All I need now is the soft scent of formaldehyde wafting gently through the air…

  206. Comcis Fan
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one here who reads “Edge City?”

  207. commodorejohn
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    #199 bats :[ – Telegraphed? It’s practically announced with air-raid sirens.

  208. Joe Blevins
    February 6th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Lois almost has a grasp of proper social interaction. She knows that when you see someone you recognize (your child’s teacher, say) in a public place (like a mall), it’s polite to acknowledge and greet that person. But, Lois, you don’t actually say “We should say hello” in full voice when that person is five feet away, especially when you are looking directly at the person.

    MW: “You’ve been a great host.” Why do I get the feeling Mary would have said this even if she had been kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army or kept in a tiger cage by the Viet Cong?

  209. seismic-2
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    “Mary, I have to get you on the ice!” If that involves putting her adrift on an ice flow off to the hunting grounds of the polar bear, I’d say it’s long overdue.

  210. Niall
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    You people are making me curous about reading Spider-Man. Stoppit!!

    Also, is the Fake Swee’Pea story in Popeye the continuation of the Hot M/M Bondage scene that squicked so many, or is it a new storyline? The last time I followed the strip was the giant walking schlongs Thongs Tungs.

    Also, I think I am now encouraging Bridget to kick Norm’s ass goodbye in My Cage – that split-up is definitely about to happen, and Norm needs a wake-up call in a way that hurts so he can finally remember and wise up. (gee, me, speaking from experience? Never happen…)

    156 Chattygenes: I’m definitely with you on today’s PBS. Sad, poignant, and an all-too-true metaphor – made the better because it emphasises the two-way approach needed for it to work, and that it canwork, so it avoids the “love is dumb because it hurts” cliché. The rewards are uncalculable when it works; the pain unmeasurable when it doesn’t. Kersplat, indeed.

    192. MaryAnnTheRest: looks like “RatMan”, simple transposition of BatMan.

    206. Comcis Fan: I used to read Edge City, but stopped after a couple of months. It was just getting irritating without even snarkable material to save it.

  211. Perky Bird
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    The final panel in today’s Mark Trail has inspired me.

    (with apologies to John, Paul, George, and Ringo)

    Bucky was a deer who thought he was a human
    But he was another stag.
    Patty’s husband, Ken, is gonna shoot his head off. He’ll end up like The Yearling‘s “Flag”.

    Get back!
    Get back!
    Get back to the woods where you belong!
    Get back, Bucky!

  212. Winky's Spleen
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Prickly City – I wonder if Carman (or Stantis) is going to have to make a crawling, cringing penance before the Big Fat Idiot, like that one poor congressman who offered an even more mild criticism of OxyContin Man.

  213. Mountain Mama
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Great and Glorious ‘Mudges, I have a need for advice.

    I am around, but very behind in reading and busier at work, even though work overall has slowed down. (I haven’t figured out why that is yet.)

    I get to participate in a national community band in New Orleans this summer! The event is being held at Loyola University.

    They have recommended two hotels, one nearer the school and the other nearer the French Quarter. Supposedly, both are near the streetcar line.

    Do any of you LA ‘mudges know the area around Loyola? Is the streetcar that nearby and reliable? Any cool places “off the beaten path” we can go when we’re in town?

    If you rather respond off-blog, please write me at dsj6424 at hotmail.


    I still hate Mary Worth.

  214. Amateur
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I’ve been trying all morning to figure out why Curtis’s mom is SAYING that that way. No luck.

  215. queek
    February 6th, 2009 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    bats :[, I beg of you, do something with today’s Tank. That visual just begs for being used to vilify bee-grinding comics, trips to Belgium and the like.

    “with my spewr and magic HELmet!”

    on a related topic, the visual in Cleats was a laugh riot today. Frozen like a cod after being strapped to the hood.

    Mutts belongs on

    MC: I am so going to have “I ordered a starving kid” on my mind the next time I see those commercials.

    PBS: awwwwwwwwwwwww.

    on a web-comicy note (I know, not really on-topic) the combination of today’s QC, and Jeph’s guest strip on Anders Loves Maria is full of win.

  216. Muffaroo
    February 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Calvin’s Cardboard Box @184 – Oh, yes, I know the dangers and delights of prolonged head-smacking episodes. I think my first experience with it was Plan 9 From Outer Space, and that’s where I coined the term “Oven-Mitt Theater,” because of the advisability of wearing the mitt before turning the TV on.

    Your theory about the Gumbo family is persuasive. I remember my first impression of the strip, when Rose and Jimbo are talking about Pasquale, enflocked by floating hearts, rainbows, etc. “How can he be so happy all the time?” muses Jimbo. Rose smilingly clears away some of the hovering Lucky Charms marshmallows to show that little P is surrounded by his smiling teddy bears and such, and sweetly intones, “Peer pressure!” I will note that “Brain Damage” takes about the same amount of space to letter, and is a better explanation.

  217. Vince M
    February 6th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    212: Local pride compels me to add he was from here in the great state of Georgia – I swear in all my years I have never seen such a formidable display of boot licking!

  218. Overlord Laharl
    February 7th, 2009 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    Haaaaaaaaahahahahaha! Stupid humans, always cracking me up! Especially that idiot Mary Worth. Who the hell cares about ice skating?! Most demons- and as far as I know, all humans- need to drink at least a fifth of whiskey to be that happy about something!

  219. Mary Worth Discussion Gropu
    February 7th, 2009 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    I hope Jeff has wised up and left Mary

  220. Nyx
    February 7th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    They recycled the joke from 2006, but drew new artwork for it?

  221. anaceofkidneys
    February 8th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: at first I thought this was a coloring accident, but now I see that Mom puts on a blonde wig to home-indoctrinate school her kids. Oh, Mom, don’t you realize what kind of Oedipal monster you’re going to create here?

Comments are closed for this post.