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Seriously, you don’t get to depict the Olympic Rings without paying somebody off

Pluggers, 2/22/14

“Reflective” is not usually a term we normally associate with pluggers, but you have to admit that there appears to be a certain amount of self-reflection going through this plugger-cat’s mind as he stares at his pill container. Self-reflection and regret. “Boy, reefer and LSD sure seemed real scary back in college,” he thinks. “Seemed real important to keep away. These things are safer. That’s what they tell you. The government says so, so I guess it must be true. D’you think the guys who smoked grass are taking any more of these pills today than I am? Or the gals?” He thinks about a girl from his junior year, who had been in his math class — he never was very good at math, and she used to help him with some of the problem sets sometimes — and how he saw her at that party, and she smiled when she saw him and tried to hand him a doobie, or whatever they called it, and he stuttered and made an excuse and left, then avoided eye contact with her for the rest of the semester. What do you suppose she was up to? Did she have a daily pill organizer too? Did she ever get married? Was she on the Facebook? What was her name, again?

Blondie, 2/22/14

Blondie has been serving up non-stop Olympics jokes pretty much since the Games started, each cornier and more Olympo-sycophantic than the last, to the extent that I’m now just completely assuming that a fair amount of money changed hands between the International Olympic Committee and whatever Cayman Islands holding corporation owns the rights to Blondie’s intellectual property.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/22/14

It’s Hagar the Horrible! He’s just like you, except that he lives in a anarchic, violent, Hobbesian hellscape.

171 responses to “Seriously, you don’t get to depict the Olympic Rings without paying somebody off”

  1. ShrunkenHeadsofMrBribary
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    DT: have the Sprocket Gang stolen Flattop Jr’s car with the stereo, fridge and safe?

  2. C. Sandy Cyst
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    A Hobbesian hellscape…a wilderness of tigers.

  3. Steve
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    S-M: Mark the date. Today the English language has officially run out of nicknames for Spider-Man that make any sense whatsoever.

  4. Droopy Says
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    FW: So the whole point of this exercise has been to put Cindy Slumper within reporting distance of Cancerville. Other events could have transpired to send her to Cincinatti, but count on Batiuk to cook up a depressing and unpleasant scenario.

  5. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Do I have to fly through every building looking for him?”

    Crankshaft-And what happened to your clothes?

    FC-You’ll also have to be able to fill out a white tank top.

    Love Is-We know what his fishing story really is.

    Love Is-”And you should of seen Mark Trail’s. It was this big.”

    MW-What sort of world is this guy living in to be despairing so much of being in prison?

    MW-”You can’t hide forever. Mary Worth will eventually track you down.”

    Phantom-”I then beat someone up and stole their truck.”

    Pluggers-Pluggers say they never did drugs but we know. We know.

    RMMD-Buck isn’t all that dumb. Look he put something in front of him to protect him.

    Slylock Fox-Crankshaft’s cat has stolen Rusty’s fish.

    Luann-”Quill, there are only a few of us in this class and we must come up with a better prom than that Slutty Slut Slut Tiffany.”

  6. revenge4Aldo
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    MT: Yet more evidence that Mark didn’t take Rusty fishing because Rusty was so much better at it than him.

  7. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible-”This is what you get for having your dog shit in my yard.”

  8. Chyron HR
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    “Well, hell,” Claude the Plugger thinks upon looking down at today’s Hagar, “why am I choking down these fiber pills, then?”

  9. casino LF
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    HtH: Technically your terrified dog will probably shit right after this, if mine is any indication (her terror involves things like “groomers” and “the vet” and “other people besides me,” not arrow volleys, but still).

    RMMD: Stick ‘em with the pointy end.

    MT: When did Rusty kidnap Jackelrod and draw himself on fishing trip after fishing trip? I imagine Rusty hunched over the drawing table, scribbling furiously “TAKE THAT MARK, WE’RE FISHING NOW, SEE? WE’RE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME! LOOK I CAUGHT A HUGE FISH AND YOU DIDN’T — YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD!”

  10. steverino
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Keith Knight’s latest: Thuggers

  11. Aphthakid
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    HAGAR: He could escape the Hobbesian hellscape if he’d just become a Calvinist.

    9CL: What? Really? He’s been doing this deliberately now? BTW, moron, you left your dog tags and uniform behind during your cunning plan and walked away from your army which was probably only a mile or so away when you left considering they’ve already picked up the guy you left behind, gotten him to the relative comfort of England, and had all sorts of time to have meetings with him. But, please continue with your plan to wander the French countryside aimlessly while dressed as a civilian.

    ZIGGY: And, thus, Ziggy’s goldfish began plotting his revenge…

  12. Marc
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Luann- Who the hell has their prom in April? I’ve never of that before. It’s an end of the year event, not a 2 months left in the school year so we can hold it over Tiffany’s head as long as possible event. Well, in Evans warped world it is I guess.

    Funky- HAHAHA you can run from Westview, but you can’t hide. Eventually the fates will conspire and drag you back to that miserable hell hole, kicking and screaming if need be. But there is no permanent escape.

  13. Oregonian
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Hagar was taking his dog over to Crankshaft’s yard.

  14. Horace Broon
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    ASM: Given past events, we are presumably meant to assume that Peter’s musings concluded “…that couldn’t be solved by not being Spider-Man! Hooray for cowardice! Again!

    FC: “You also have to be tougher than pirates!”

    MtM: “We could send someone who isn’t dumb to pose as a police chief?”
    “No! We’ve done the fake police chief plan, it failed, now we move on and do something completely different! It’s like you’ve got no idea how a serialised narrative works!”

    MW: Bwahahahaha! “Mary Worth won’t judge you”. Good one.

    Phantom: I can’t quite believe I called it yesterday. Stripey really did decide that lugging the gold back to the Skull Cave before anyone else saw it was more important than catching the crooks. This is getting hard to parody.

  15. Master Softheart
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Phantom: For a ‘superhero’ whose centuries-long career began with a sworn oath to fight against the injustice of piracy – which, just for the sake of clarity, involves threatening or injuring people and taking their personal property while at sea – Kit is now on very shaky moral ground.

    And what about his ancillary mission of helping and protecting the people of Bangalla? Well, development economics teaches us that – perhaps aside from effective legal institutions and property rights – the most important ingredient in economic growth is concentration of capital and its directed investment in key sectors of the developing economy that provide spillover dynamic effects across the economy (see, e.g. Rostow (1960) on the concept of “take-off,” Gerschenkron (1962) on institutions for capital allocation and the need for higher levels of concentration among late developers, etc.). So here’s the Phantom with a looted personal fortune greater than the British royal family that is doing nothing to modernize Bangalla or improve the lives of its citizens.

    But, you say, maybe Kit has a principled commitment not to destroy the native tribal cultures of Bangalla by emulating the forms of western industrial society. All right, let’s set aside the question of how market-led development distorts and damages traditional societies and the desirability of such transformation (see Polanyi (1944) for a few anthropological observations about this process in early modern Britain). You can be a post-modern paternalist and decide that the coercion, gender and status inequality, and lack of individual opportunity that characterizes pre-modern tribal societies is no worse than the structural violence, atomization, and anomie of the developed world. Even if Kit doesn’t think that investment in market-led development is desirable, though, he could roll a portion of his fortune into public health investment that would improve the life expectancy and quality of life of millions across the country without seriously disrupting existing tribal structures.

    So what I’m saying is that this story is really revealing Kit to be a complete dick at the macro level as well as a creep who likes to show off and drug women.

    JP: I have a vision of some privileged little Russian girl – the adopted daughter of thuggish oligarchs in the petrochemical industry, perhaps – who makes a casual phone call to a personal connection and has a Russian ELINT satellite re-targeted to track April as a personal favor to the arms dealers who are hunting Abbott. She then, perhaps, asks another friend to arrange that a hit squad be sent to Mexico to deal with the problem.

    And that is still more realistic than what happened with Neddy and Sophie in the African kidnapping plotline we just finished.

  16. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y58): By this time next year, Buck will be singing soprano in the Vienna Boys’ Choir.

    I’m surprised that it’s actually taken this long for “Woody” Wilson to inject Lorena Bobbitt into a Rex Morgan storyline. But fear not. Armed only with a needle and thread and some rusty baling wire, Dr. Morgan will successfully reattach Buck’s severed penis.

    He’ll also help send Lorena Doris to prison for trying to rob Buck of his manhood (such as it is).

  17. Digger
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    MW: If Iris believes that Mary won’t judge, then I’ve got some swampland in Florida I’d like to sell her.

  18. Inkwell
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    In this week’s Mary Worth, Iris realizes that the best way to solve her son’s problems is to spout false reassurance while forcing him into uncomfortable situations. I think we know who’s carrying the torch when Mary dies.

  19. TheDiva
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    HtH: Bloody territorial feuds make walking the dog an adventure!

    Pluggers are incredibly dull, and have always been so.

  20. Jeck
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    I like how Josh added a definite article to the word “Facebook” in today’s Pluggers. It fits there.

  21. dmsilev
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    I note, however, that mailman-guy refers to his ‘I-Pad’. Amazingly, Apple apparently has a more aggressive legal team than the IOC. Or perhaps it’s just that Blondie can’t afford the sorts of bribes that Apple would want.

  22. pugfuggly
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Pluggers Well ooooo-la-la, somebody is sure fancy, takin’ his pills with his pinky in the air like some frou-frou european! Are those name-brand pills, instead of the Walmart generics? Go back to Manhattan, buddy…

    Blondie It’s funny how inserting an necessary reference to the latest technology to seem hip (“I’m watching the olympics..on my iPad!“) has the exact opposite effect.

    HtH I dunno, Hagar: if your aim is to keep your dog regular, taking him on a walk past a row of archers seems like a sure-fire way to scare the shit out of him.

  23. Alter Ego
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    love is… believing his fisting story.

  24. pugfuggly
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    A3G Hmmm…so if it’s only been 39 hours, 9 minutes and 12 seconds, then we’ll still have to wait 71 hours, 50 minutes and 48 seconds until Jim arrives. And if we convert that time from ‘A3G units’ into real time, we should see Jim reappear….March 3, 2015. Can’t wait.

    C’shaft ‘Cat Pickles’ has to be the most disturbing euphemism for ‘old man penis’ I’ve ever heard.

    FW Ha ha, so I guess Cindy is too hideously old and ugly for New York news, but is still ‘Cleveland Pretty’. So I guess the old Cleveland archorwoman is getting shipped to Tulsa or Bismark, then? Is that how this works?

  25. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Mmm-hmm, flying Hitler metal condom. Ayup.

  26. CanuckDownSouth
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @dmsilev (#21): The IOC has been pretty aggressive, but Herb’s finger is block about 1.5 rings so maybe they can’t go after someone who isn’t using the *exact* symbol?

  27. TheDiva
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    9CL: Some plots resemble a single straight line. Some resemble an intricate latticework. Brooke’s plots resemble a bunch of yarn that’s been played with by a litter of severely overstimulated kittens.

    A3G: Has anybody ever actually done this, even in the throes of a shallow, immature infatuation?

    C’shaft: I don’t blame the cat for wanting to escape Crankshaft, myself.

    FW: Let me guess, Batiuk: you have an arc coming up that’s going to require the presence of a local news anchor. You didn’t want to bother yourself with inventing a whole new character, so you used thirty seconds to cook up this demotion for Cindy. She’s miserable, you’re happy, everybody else is bored.

    Luann: “See, I said ‘Nicole Kidman’ because she’s Australian. Like I’m Australian. Crikey, time to play the didgeridoo by the coolahbah tree with my mate Bruce.”

    MW: “Mary won’t judge you! She’ll just prod into every single corner of your troubled life, lecture you, and set herself up as a shining exemplar of a superior existence! I don’t see why that bothers you so much!”

    Phantom: The Ghost Who Filches Other People’s Stuff!

  28. Amos Snarkadder
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Love’snot Clearly he’s a grower, not a shower.

  29. Rusty
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    HtH: Hagar has a doggie poop-bag fashioned out of sheep’s intestine, as plastic is centuries away from invention. What kind of bad ass Viking obeys leash laws?

  30. pugfuggly
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MT “That’s a good sized snook…and the fish ain’t too shabby either! Oy! See what I did there?” ~Mark Trailberg

    MW “Mary and Wilbur are good people, the won’t jud-Ok, Mary will judge you, and probably meddle into your affairs, but Wilbur will probably be too busy stuffing his face to even notice you’re there!”

    SM “I was just thinking about how dumb I was-”
    “Oh Peter, it’s ok, you know I love you no matter what your, um, limitations in terms of mental capacities…”
    “-to ever believe that Jonah would cause Spiderman any trouble”
    “Oh…right…yeah, of course…”

  31. Amos Snarkadder
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    MT Didn’t Pasdordan predict Rusty would land a Snooki? Now does he know what to do with her?

    MW Mary? Not judge? She makes Simon Cowell look like a boy scout! Tommy, welcome to So You Think You Can Hide!

  32. cheech wizard
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    DtM – That ain’t no Margaret. That’s the LOCH NESS MONSTER!!! And she wants three fiddy for them Girl Scout cookies.

  33. Amos Snarkadder
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Luann “Men.” “Women.”
    Haha! That’s funny because Luann and Quill are neither!

    A3G Haha! That’s funny because Tommie’s OCD is in full swing. Now get back to stacking the Q-tips!

  34. Ned Ryerson, Google-ing Wilton Manors
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pill dispenser gags are the go to source of Plugger humor. Oh, also checking the mail for you pills….that is a Plugger staple as well. Also, calling the pharmacy to check on your prescription and having to navigate a complicated ritual of pushing a series of buttons to be assured that your pills will arrive on time to be lovingly, ritualistically placed in the dispenser and then dutifully taken at the right time…that is also a Plugger favorite. Also, sitting around with other Pluggers, comparing and contrasting ailments and the medications prescribed, with special attention paid to dosages, dietary restrictions and side effects…Pluggers eat that up with a spoon!

    Don’t do drugs kids!
    A Plugger

  35. Dartpaw86
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Hagar: You’d think the neighbour burying his property in hot tar would have been the first hint.

  36. Ukulele Ike
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    FW: Cindy Summers….a Dorothy Fuldheim for the new millenium.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dorothy_Fuldheim

    (I grew up watching Dorothy on the teevee as a Cleveland kid of the ’60s and ’70s. She was already a historic monument/curosity at that point. Also crazy-old-lady joke fodder for local late-night personalities like Ghoulardi.)

  37. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#24):

    C’shaft ‘Cat Pickles’ has to be the most disturbing euphemism for ‘old man penis’ I’ve ever heard.

    Isn’t “Jerkin on Grandpop’s Gherkin” the unauthorized sequel to Dr. Seuss’s “Hop on Pop”?

  38. debussy fields
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    MT– Help! I read Mark Trail three hours ago and ever since, I can’t get it out of my brain: That’s a good-sized snook! It’s worse than the very worst ear-worm. I can’t shut it out! It keeps playing in my brain. That’s a good-sized snook! That’s a good-sized snook! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

  39. Dartpaw86
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7):

    Seeing the ground, he apparently did… a lot.

  40. Joe Blevins
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    BLONDIE: When you wrote that “Blondie has been serving up non-stop Olympics jokes pretty much since the Games started,” I had to wonder if you meant since 776 BC. The strip was so different back then. Alexander, Blondie and Dagwood’s now-teenage son, was still an infant, and they called him “Baby Dumpling.” Also, Christ hadn’t been born yet so no Christmas or Easter jokes. Dagwood still ate huge sandwiches, slept on the couch, and bantered with Mr. Beasley, though. Some things never change.

    PLUGGERS: Pluggers never took drugs in the ’60s. They weren’t into that “peace and love” stuff. A true plugger believes in neither. But in the ’70s? Woah, mama! Step back! The average plugger became a human drug vacuum, frantically ingesting narcotics through every available orifice. Dulling the senses? Now, that’s a concept a plugger can understand and therefore endorse.

    HAGAR: Maybe the people firing those arrows just don’t appreciate it when strange men wander through their village giving out unsolicited advice about getting your dog to shit on schedule.

  41. walt d
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    FC: Not to be confused with “Hello, sailor!”

    FC: Waitressing is hard work. I doubt that Dolly should aim that high, vocationally.

    RMMD: I’m beginning to feel that Doris doesn’t respect her husband.

    RMMD: Buck resembles nothing so much as a whipped dog.

    RMMD: I guess the schmaltzy ending will be put off a few weeks, especially since we will probably be switching to Sarah on Monday.

    RMMD: Note that in this confrontation Doris hasn’t actually admitted to a damn thing, except her belief that her husband is an idiot and a parasite. I still can’t see Buck’s contention that she is a different person sober. Her behavior has been abusive in every panel she’s appeared in, with the exception of the ones where her attention was directed to flirting with Rex. So apparently Doris has been drunk the entire time this story has been going on.

    RMMD: If Buck continues this noble masochist thing much longer I’m going to start cheering for Doris. No woman who actually likes men would want to be married to Buck.

  42. Aggie Mack
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#5):

    Slylock Fox: “Crankshaft’s cat has stolen Rusty’s fish.”

    Good one, Liam!

  43. Poteet
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    LUANN: Don’t attribute this weirdness to “women.” The credit goes to Luann, or more accurately, Greg.

  44. silverwheel
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Pluggers don’t get the irony of rejecting cannabis back in the day, but now really needing it for their myriad health ailments (although this particular Plugger certainly doesn’t need any help with his appetite).

  45. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Todd the Dinosaur: Coincidentally, bubble gum mixed with sand and cat feces is Todd’s favorite snack.

  46. Poteet
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#40): Re PLUGGERS, thanks for saying it. A lot of Pluggers who refrained in the Sixties said “what the hell, why not” in the Seventies. That was one reason for what happened to everyone’s hair.

  47. Aviatrix
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#Y59): Oh someone else reposting it as part of a response is no problem! I’d be a terrible hypocrite if I were complaining about that, given that *I* repost my favourite comments of the week on Friday. It’s when someone posts a comment late in one day and then reposts it early the next day, like warmed up leftovers that I emit a slight frown of disapproval. It’s not a Westview level of horror, just someone asked if anyone minded, so I answered.

    @Aphthakid (#11): He arrived on Martine’s doorstep wearing at least part of a uniform, and he wasn’t explicitly shown removing insignia. I think she took his uniform off and dressed him in the blue pyjamas, so we could have the farce about the German not knowing his nationality.

    @Marc (#12): We had ours mid-year. I think so it didn’t distract from exams and university applications and all that good end of year stuff. Also it lets kids who aren’t actually going to make it through the grade twelve exams to party with their peers before anyone knows that they aren’t moving on.

    @Master Softheart (#15): Rambling manifesto of the week!

  48. walt d
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    9CL: A questionable move. There goes his alibi (being delusional), at a time when nobody knows whose side anyone is on.

    FW: Just another example of the vibrancy of NYC. Go into work as a national TV personality, and leave a few hours later with your stuff in a box, headed the same day for flyover country. Too bad about that unbreakable apartment lease and any friends you might have made. Of course people in the sports world live with this their whole careers. They never know when they’re going to be traded or cut entirely, and those are often same day situations. Get on a plane and be ready to start the new job in 24 hours.

  49. Braniff
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#5): FC: Dolly would also have to learn how to sing “Happy Birthday” in harmony with other wait-staff or even show tunes (as they used to do at revolving restaurants on the tops of Holiday Inn hotels). I think she would get rejected by the Hooters or Twin Peaks chains, for her attitude as well as her looks.

  50. Amos Snarkadder
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#14):

    MW: Bwahahahaha! “Mary Worth won’t judge you”. Good one.

    Who knew Iris was such a kidder?

    I bet even Tommy got a chuckle out of that one!

  51. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    … and Rusty is STILL FISHING!

  52. walt d
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Dennis: “…the only thing Margaret does that I like (that you need to know about).”

    Dennis: Only one box? Margaret isn’t much of a salesperson.

  53. Braniff
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: If the creators of this comic strip really wanted to highlight the Olympics, they would have had Dagwood sliding into the mailman–speed skating, hockey and curling combined with Dagwood knocking over the mailman while going to work.

  54. Aviatrix
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Moral warnings have started before Mary even gets her hooks into Tommy. The Mary Worth team wants to make it very clear that if you go to jail, you are shamed forever. You might as well go and live downtown.

    MT: Can someone explain how fish mounting is a thing? I mean a fish is severely lacking in structural integrety. Sure, it has skin, but it’s thin, slimy stuff that even with refrigeration has headed down the putrefaction pathway in three days. Does the Mark Trail lookalike really remove the meat and bones from a fish, tan its ephemeral hide, and then pack the skin with something to restore its shape? Or do they just make a plaster cast of the fish and then paint it realistically? Perhaps Marlin is so secretive because he doesn’t want Mark to find out that he just has a bunch of standard moulds in slightly different sizes and only claims to mount customers’ fish.

    Phantom: It’s all a test. The artifacts are fake, just a hobby the tenth Phantom had, challenging himself to recreate historical artifacts. If Blondie tells him that these should be returned to their rightful owners she will pass the test and be allowed to live.

  55. Anonymous
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    This may be the first time I’ve identified with a Plugger, even though I’m from Generation X. I’ve never tried illegal drugs, but not because of the government’s ant-drug hysteria. I just don’t like having my consciousness altered. Getting drunk, or having a Valium or anesthesia before a surgical procedure – none of those have ever been pleasurable for me. And I’m someone who believes marijuana should be legal and regulated like alcohol.

    I wouldn’t bother reading Pluggers if it weren’t for Josh. The thought of reading them in a batch would be depressing. The elderly creatures act like life has passed them by and they’re waiting for death. I hope that when I’m that age, I embrace the future instead of living in fear of it.

  56. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    What’s great about Heathcliff wearing Mickey Mouse ears and eating cheese while sitting next to the mouse hole is that he is likely totally down with hanging out with the mice. There’s been nary a hint in the comic that he would even eat a mouse; birds, yes, he’ll eat them but not mice.

  57. The Snook Portraying The Snook
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    OW OW OW! Be careful with my gills, you grinning idiot! Dammit, I have got to find a new agent with better connections!

  58. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#55):

    The ant-drug hysteria turned many away from getting stoned and from going on picnics.

    Surely that wasn’t just me?

  59. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Jim’s not coming back, is he? I can’t wait for Tommie to go full Haversham, except in a faded pink dress and with a moldering fawn.

    Josh, did you just unironically use the phrase “Blondie’s intellectual property? If ever there were a case for irony-quotes….

  60. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 22nd, 2014 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: Don’t fret, Tommy: You’ve been gone from Charterstone so long that odds are good you won’t survive your encounter with that beige glop anyway.

  61. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59):

    Why even bother teasing the character’s reappearance? That’s what I don’t get.

    Just have him show up and make introductions. It is like the strip is made up of 5 second slices of time, presented 7 days a week for not even a minute’s worth of action per week. That’s unsustainable. It’s unforgivable.

    Now, if they are trying to make Margo skeptical that this Jim exists the come out and have her call Tommie on it. Margo shouldn’t just circle around her like they are both square dancing.

  62. Aviatrix
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#55): I was holding one of those weekly pill organizers in my hands as I read the strip. It’s enough to make me want to keep my vitamin and mineral supplements in an old bong instead.

  63. Ned Ryerson, Google-ing Wilton Manors
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#62): Don’t bogart that niacin!

  64. Anonymous
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    FW: On-air talents have contracts and agents who negotiate them. Usually the network allows the contract to expire and doesn’t renew it when they want to replace someone. The network also has the option of buying out the rest of the contract to get rid of someone. When NBC took Ann Curry off the air, they were legally obliged to keep paying her salary until her contract expires, which was probably the result of intense negotiations among her agent and a battery of lawyers on both sides.

  65. Baka Gaijin
    February 22nd, 2014 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#45): According to the 1944 “The Joy of Cooking,” bubble gum mixed with sand and cat feces is the recipe for mock salmon squares. Garnish with Tums tablets if you have blue stamps A8, B8, or C8 in your ration book.

  66. Peter Conrad
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe you didn’t have anything to say about this FBOFW in which Ellie talks about having a threesome: http://fborfw.com/strip_fix/saturday-february-22-2014/

  67. Stroker Ace
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Love is… Brokeback Mountain.

  68. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man:

    If all you read is just the first panel, it will be the most fulfilling Spider-Man strip you’ve read in a while. It is almost as if the closure is built right into it.

  69. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Popeye:
    Mommas, don’t let you babies start out as jailbirds.

  70. Ukulele Ike
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#58): The anti-drug hysteria turned many away from getting stoned and from going on picnics.

    You mean you never surried down to a Stoned Soul Picnic?

    DT: Sprocket’s spooky noseless face in the rear-view reminds me of those urban legends about the haunted deluxe automobiles that the car dealer always sells to some poor bastard for fifty bucks, and always get returned.

    So, are we taking bets over which famous movie car the Nitrates are driving? Five bucks says it’s Norma Desmond’s Isotta Fraschini Tipo 8B Viggo Jensen Cabriolet d’Orsay from Sunset Boulevard.

  71. Ebenezer Wasabi
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    BC: It’s funny because AOL is painfully slow. Obviously, today’s “BC” is a reprint from the late 1990s.

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Time and bitter experience have taught Pluggers that pharmaceutical dependency awaits us all. It’s a question of when, not if.

  73. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    It’s Hagar the Horrible! He’s just like you, except that he lives in a anarchic, violent, Hobbesian hellscape.

    You don’t know my life, Josh.

  74. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    MT: It’s a good size Snook, but it can’t change its size and age on a moment-to-moment basis, so Rusty had the advantage.

    MW: Well Wilbur won’t judge Tommy because he wants to get into Iris’ pants, which are now on fire because of what she said about Mary Worth.

    C-Shaft: “I was trying to grab my pickle… no, what I meant to say…”

    Crock: Eh, a free drink is better than what most guys fighting under Crock get. Cherish this memory during your friendly fire death in the next few days.

    JP: Does that mean the two Driver daughters compromised her by calling about the Clearing thing? I can see April giving them both a brisk waterboarding session when she gets back to the States.

    RMMD: Of course! If she murders her husband then there’s no one left to testify that she assaulted him. The brilliant ideas you get from consulting with Jim Beam.

    GA: That… That’s the very definition of fraud, what he just said. I’m not saying the crowd outside the house doesn’t deserve to be taken, but let’s be real.

    GT: Man, just show us the episode of “Adventure Time” the Wileys are watching. I’m sure it’s both more interesting and more believable than their sports soap lives.

    Phantom: When the hero has to give convoluted explanations as to how he got away with his heroism without facing burglary charges, you start to wonder how much a hero he actually is.

    DtM: Talk softly, Dennis. You’re not tough enough to take on a member of the Green Berets (grammar school girls’ division.)

    S-M: On reflection, MJ decides that she’ll keep her penny.

    H&J: “Oh honey, you have no idea what you’re talking about when you say Jamaal is your friend. He doesn’t even like you! Why you should hear the awful things he says when you’re out of earshot.”

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Looks like somebody’s figured out that General Halftrack could possibly be good for something after all! He can be the 2-D figure in the Operation game who gets his ‘funny bone’ amputated with a pair of electrical tweezers. Or maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, and they just think he’d made a swell cadaver for dissection.

  76. Ebenezer Wasabi
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The three sides to this argument are “men” (Quill), “women” (Luann) and “somewhere in between” (Gunther).

  77. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Just now on Turner Classic Movies: “Jody, you gotta stop sleepin’ with that fawn.”

    I was all set to make a THE YEARLING joke on 3G. The movie itself is outdoing me.

  78. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#40):

    Also, Christ hadn’t been born yet so no Christmas or Easter jokes.

    No, but there were gags like Mr. Beasley apologizing for delivering all of Dagwood’s Quinquatria cards a year late.

  79. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @C. Sandy Cyst (#2): Does the C stand for “Calvin” by any chance?

  80. Ebenezer Wasabi
    February 22nd, 2014 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: Mark Trail finally agrees to take Rusty Ziggy fishing.

  81. Ebenezer Wasabi
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Thatababy: Today we learn that Baka Gaijin is Thatababy’s father.

  82. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Peter Conrad (#66): “A nerd in the hand is worth two in the bush”? How did she ever wind up having kids?

  83. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#77): I see you’re finally back. How was Souci?

  84. Amos Snarkadder
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

  85. merde
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    On Funky Winkerbean: I can think of no better proof of the existence of God’s wrath and karma than for vain Cindy Summers to be forced to report on the Cleveland Browns. Magnifying glass? Meet anthill.

  86. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#70):

    Ha. I didn’t even think of that. It sounds familiar. Maybe I was there!

  87. Amateur
    February 22nd, 2014 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#5): “What sort of world is this guy living in to be despairing so much of being in prison?”

    Seriously. He’s like an ex-prisoner in a Victorian novel.

  88. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    The Ziggy and Love Is Fishing Crossover-”You should see it. It is this long and the guy doesn’t even wear any pants. I can’t imagine how he keeps it tucked up there.”

    MW-Mary will just insult you by saying it in a way so confusing that you have no idea what she is saying.

  89. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 22nd, 2014 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#83): Too much of a muchness. Next time, it’s sans Souci for me.

    Ho. I’m back, kinda, sorta, just depending on how many minutes I can scrape up on a given day. Trying, anyway.

  90. Ebenezer Wasabi
    February 22nd, 2014 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#83): “Souci” is a French word meaning “worry/concern.” So exactly how much trouble has [Old Man] Muffaroo gotten himself into this time?

    Maybe Muffaroo is feeling “souci” over the money he spent during his recent visit to Sochi.

  91. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Gotta say I love how any time these two dopes show up, Evans screws their interplay up so bad that the most plausible explanation for Quill’s behavior is that Luann is his beard.

    I mean, hell, if he just flat out told her that he really wasn’t interested in pursuing a fully physical romance with her, even that would make him appear less closeted.

  92. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Ebenezer Wasabi (#90):

    Or maybe [Old Man] Muffaroo is feeling “souci” over the spoiled sushi that he had for lunch.

  93. Roscoe Sweeney
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    That may be the first time anyone’s used “Blondie” and “intellectual” in the same sentence.

  94. Alison
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Last I heard, Nicole Kidman has been living mostly in the USA for about twenty-five years.

    “Mary Worth”:
    “Mary and Wilbur are good people!”
    A LIE
    “They won’t judge you!”
    ANOTHER LIE

    I feel bad for Tommy, being dragged to that old meddler’s dinner right off the bat. Yeah, Iris is right that he can’t hide forever, but come on-they’ve only been in Charterstone for less than a day! At least give him a week or so to gain some confidence before you drag him off to get lectured by Mary.

  95. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: The woman Loretta is gossiping with is much more appealing to me than any of the chicks Leroy cavorts with. Maybe I’d enjoy being in the Lockhorns’ social set. The competition, such as it is, would be diverted.

  96. Scarbo
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: At first I though the mailman had been staying at home watching the Olympics, and only bothered to go in to work today to pick up all the mail he should have been delivering. But he’s got his “I-Pad” with him right there, with “the Olympics” prominently displayed. What is up with that?

    As an aside: I’ve been exposed to Blondie on and off for most of my life, basically (it’s in the local newspaper; I haven’t been seeking it out) and I still have no idea what the mailman’s name is and whether or not he’s the same character as the neighbour or whatever it is he is, the other man with a moustache, but who doesn’t wear mailman clothes.

  97. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns-Lady, suck in your stomach and thrust out your chest.

  98. Jym
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    White Thuggers: Of course the cat went to college, he’s one of those eyeglasses-wearing elitists. Got one of those fancy airplane catalog pill organizers, instead of an endtable of pill jars, like us regular folk.

  99. Alter Ego
    February 22nd, 2014 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#5):

    Love Is – “And you should of seen Mark Trail’s. It was this big.”

    “That’s a good-sized snook… Congratulations!”

  100. Aviatrix
    February 22nd, 2014 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Jym (#98): That’s a drugstore aisle end-display pill organizer. The airplane catalogue ones look like the runt of a litter resulting from a Palm Pilot mating with a box of chocolates.

  101. Sol Madrid
    February 22nd, 2014 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    “. . . Blondie’s intellectual property.” Never thought I’d live to see the words “Blondie” and “intellectual” in the same sentence.

  102. Peanut Gallery
    February 22nd, 2014 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @steverino (#10): Thanks for sharing; that’s some good satire!

  103. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Scarbo (#96):

    Yes, Herb the Neighbor and his twin whose name is never spoken, the Mailman.

    Much has been written about this. And, like the similar occurrence of Separated at Birth that shows up in “Hi & Lois” involving yet another neighbor, Thristy, and his twin who is an unnamed Trash Removal Specialist, we as casual readers are supposed to just go with the flow and accept this confusing “coincidence”.

  104. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#103):

    Rats! I tried to stop it from posting but as the page began to fade, my eyes zeroed in on a mis-spelled word: Thirsty.

    Amazing how that happens. I didn’t spot it before I hit POST and right after, the word becomes a freaking flood light in my eyes.

  105. Peanut Gallery
    February 22nd, 2014 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#25): “Flying Hitler, Metal Condom” is the final film in the “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” franchise. It’s going straight to video.

  106. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

  107. Alison
    February 22nd, 2014 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#103):
    In “Hi and Lois”, some of Hi and Lois’s kids look a lot like Thirsty/garbage man too. I don’t usually read that comic, but isn’t the oldest son also a blonde with hair covering his eyes and a big round nose just like Thirsty/garbage man?

    As for “Blondie” I always just assumed the mailman and Herb were the same guy. How lazy does an artist have to be to draw exactly the same characters, except put one in a postal worker’s uniform.

    I think all these artists should take after “Mary Worth” and have all their characters morph in different-looking people every couple of days!

  108. Myrtle
    February 22nd, 2014 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Jym (#98): @Aviatrix (#100): Plugger Cat is not really that much into medication if he can fit all of one day’s pills into a single small compartment. Sprawlmart has an extensive selection of containers, some with four large sections per day. But Jym may be right: a True Plugger (like my great aunt) keeps all her medicine bottles in the middle of the kitchen table. Even the empty bottles!

  109. walt d
    February 22nd, 2014 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    6C: I loved the graphic design students in art school for their seriousness and skills. Two things about them: They insisted that they too were artists, and they loved fonts.

    6C: Whatever this woman’s job is, she’s missing the point. Selection of fonts is not about being “creative”, it is about effectively communicating your message. Some of the above mentioned students tended to forget that.

    Luann: There’s nothing to discuss. She’ll tell you what she wants, and you’ll ask the folks to send the money to pay for it. Limo and tux for starters. And if you’re a good boy, you might get a kiss out of it.

    Luann: I’d like to see Quill get mad at Luann about something and ask another girl. The trouble is, there isn’t another girl in the strip I dislike enough to wish Quill upon her.

    Luann: Hell, any of the other girls would be “better” than Luann. But seeing as the cartoonist had him leave his family and move to the U.S. for the sole purpose of being with this shallow twit, I suppose it would be awkward for him to ask someone else. And that would be asking someone else in about six weeks after he became aware there was such a thing as “prom”, and he was expected to go.

  110. Hank G.
    February 22nd, 2014 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#103):

    Yes, Herb the Neighbor and his twin whose name is never spoken, the Mailman.

    The mailman’s name is Mr. Beasley. Back in the day when Dagwood took the bus to work, he would regularly be running late and dash out the door and collide with Mr. Beasley. Since he started carpooling, that doesn’t happen as much (if at all).

  111. Majicou
    February 22nd, 2014 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @walt d (#109): An annoying trend I’ve noticed lately on Facebook/whatever social medium is “message” images in which each line of text is a different (inappropriate) font. It really makes me want to go into other people’s computers and delete every font except Arial.

  112. tallyHO
    February 22nd, 2014 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Hank G. (#110):

    That’s right. I remember that from the strip and from the movies.
    @Alison (#107):

    I considered complicating the whole thing with the Thirsty Offspring Theory but I couldn’t explain it clearly enough. You did aptly explain it.

  113. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#111): I wouldn’t recommend that. While looking around for their fonts you might find yourself in their “Pictures” file, where they keep images they’ve saved off the web, and see some things you wish you could unsee.

  114. I speak Jive
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#64): In other words, Batiuk didn’t do any research again and doesn’t know what he is talking about.

    “Today in History” notes that on this date in 1934, “It Happened One Night” premiered. I imagine that Brooke is marking the occasion by drawing the hitchhike scene with a chinless Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert, with Claudette’s legs lovingly and meticulously drawn and shaded. I hope that’s all he is doing.

  115. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

  116. Aviatrix
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#111): I like Comic Sans. I liked it even before I found it could be used to drive graphics people into a gnashing frenzy. Now I like it even more.

  117. walt d
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#111): I was in art school during the transition to computers for graphic design. In the beginning the students created their designs using mostly the same skills and materials as the fine arts students. There was only one computer, which only grad students and the professor were allowed to use. When we got an actual lab the whole drawing and painting thing quickly faded. And the fonts rolled over everything. When the damn computer comes equipped with a hundred of them that you don’t have to draw, letter by letter, it’s easy to get lost in them (if you like that sort of thing). I took a class in which we were required to design our own font, and it bored the hell out of me. Different strokes for different folks.

  118. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke-”Now don’t show any fear. He can sense fear.”

  119. White Rabbit
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    CS: How did Cranky’s daughter and son-in-law, whatever their names are, manage to get back home while the cops still had the mean old man up against the wall? Were they staying literally around the corner from home? Anything to get away from Crankshaft for a few hours, I guess, but you know ultimately he’ll find a way to draw everyone’s attention to himself, even if he has to burn down a building, or streak the neighborhood.

    And speaking of rural Ohio, I must reiterate my suggestion that everyone who wants an introduction to life there, should read Knockemstiff, by a native, Donald Ray Pollock. It’s unforgettable.

  120. bats :[
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#116): I like it, too…never quite understood what set people off about it. L33tspeek (or whatever) drives me nuts.

  121. Uncle Lumpy
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#116):

    Heh. I use Comic Sans pretty much exclusively for fundraising banners, because comics, amirite? And despite something like four levels of ironic detachment, I still get “I hate Comic Sans” posts. It’s like it’s a fixed action pattern or something.

  122. Uncle Lumpy
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @White Rabbit (#119):

    Pam and Jeff!

  123. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    MW-Just bring Wilbur a sandwich and he’ll be your friend for life.

  124. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Roscoe Sweeney (#93):

    That may be the first time anyone’s used “Blondie” and “intellectual” in the same sentence.

    What’s Buz Sawyer doing these days?

    @Sol Madrid (#101):

    “. . . Blondie’s intellectual property.” Never thought I’d live to see the words “Blondie” and “intellectual”
    in the same sentence.

    Roscoe Sweeney would like to have a word with you…

  125. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#103): The last time I saw Dagwood’s mail carrier Mr. Beasley without his hat, he was BALD.

  126. Peter Conrad
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

  127. Dr. Pill
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#64): And I don’t think the network has any say about who the local stations hire. They’re affiliates, not departments.

    Josh, that was rather a melancholic riff on youth versus old age. That it was based on drugs is brilliant. Ah, for the days of wine LSD and roses peyote.

  128. Snarky Parker
    February 22nd, 2014 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#125):

    What he gets for letting his cousin — the Miami Heat’s Michael Beasley — cut his hair.

  129. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-”Doris, even though that you are going to stab me I just want you to know that I still love you.”

    RMMD-”Buck, I want you to know that what I’m about to do is going to hurt you more than it’ll hurt me.”

  130. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-Pluggers have done so much drugs in the 60s that they have forgotten they did drugs in the 60s.

  131. Liam
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    FW-”Well if you catch the early flight out of Laguardia it’ll be delayed several hours because a mad man in an Iron Man suit is flying through the city.”

  132. SGT. STONED
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers are baby-boomers who wasted the 60s being good obedient little Hitler Youth only to find, now that they are old, that it got them nothing except dead-end jobs, loveless marriages, and erectile dysfunction. And so they became angry, bitter tea-baggers.

    MW: Face it, Tommy. You were better off in prison. At least you didn’t have to look at Mary Worth and Wilbur Weston there.

    RMMD: It looks like Doris is getting set to perform seppuku. Death before dishonor!

  133. Sequitur
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#122):

    I knew that too but I wasn’t going to admit it.

    You’re a better man than I, U.L.

  134. Droopy Says
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Of course Pluggers did drugs in the Sixties. It gave them a head start on their decrepitude.

  135. Poteet
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    JP: Would you two blithering idiots please quit handling that tarantula? It’s not cool. “Handling tarantulas to merely impress your friends and family is probably not a good idea as it could result with you getting bit, injuring your tarantula or getting urticating hairs on your skin and possibly itching for day(s).” Actually I wouldn’t mind seeing both of you dancing around and scratching yourselves, but the spider deserves better.

  136. Uncle Lumpy
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @SGT. STONED (#132):

    MW: Face it, Tommy. You were better off in prison. At least you didn’t have to look at Mary Worth and Wilbur Weston there.

    And the food was better.

  137. Sequitur
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#135):

    …but the spider deserves better.

    That brings up the question, what ever happened to the spider that bit Peter Parker?

  138. Albert
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#134): Decrepitude, eh?

    Keith Richards: Plugger?

  139. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 22nd, 2014 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    @Sol Madrid (#101):

    Never thought I’d live to see the words “Blondie” and “intellectual” in the same sentence.

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#124):

    Roscoe Sweeney would like to have a word with you…

    As would Debbie Harry, I’m sure.

  140. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#137): Good question. It may still be in therapy.

  141. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    MW: Exactly why is Tommy “different” now? Did I miss the comments about his stint in rehab? Because otherwise, it seems like the only thing that would have made him “different” is his time in prison, and…um. Maybe it’s better not to know.

  142. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    MT: Wow, that cave is beautiful.

  143. Droopy Says
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Spidermanic: You go to war with the stupid you have, not the stupid you want.

    Spiderman:In 1995 a deranged tankist stole a tank from an Army base in San Diego. The police didn’t have much trouble finding him; it was a fucking tank, and he eventually drove it into a ditch. With no ammunition, the tank couldn’t shoot at anything; size and speed made it dangerous enough. Something tells me that, whether or not there are any operational tanks stashed in New York, the military has improved its security since 1995.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shawn_Nelson

    Family Circus: The road to Heaven allows U-turns? And there was great rejoicing in Heaven, that the melonheads might make it to the other place after all.

    FW: Cootie is only allowed to make a ten second call from Afghanistan? Seriously, Batass? You couldn’t bother to google “troops in Afghanistan call home”? You get things like

    http://militaryfamily.about.com/od/deployment/a/VFW-Operation-Uplink-Helps-Deployed-Troops-Call-Home.htm

    and

    http://www.uso.org/uso-operation-phone-home.aspx

    Jugheaded Parker: I wondered how JP could get any lower, but hand-sex with a tarantula wasn’t on the radar. Is McEldowney hiring out as a consultant?

    Mark Trail: “Rusty? Very funny, Rusty! Now be a good boy and lower the rope, okay?”

    Phantom: Maybe it’s just me, but if I were involved in a desperate escape where silence is at a premium, I don’t think I’d pause to give the Phantom’s backstory.

    Pluggers never listen to the part where the weathercaster explains that there’s some uncertainty in all forecasts.

  144. Elk Meadow
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#43):

    I understood from the strip’s blog that Karen Evans is now the writer, and Greg (her dad) is the artist. I’m guessing that she was home schooled.

  145. Sequitur
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    MT: The Er Wang Dong cave. No comment.

  146. Elk Meadow
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#143):

    FW: Cootie is only allowed to make a ten second call from Afghanistan? Seriously, Batass? You couldn’t bother to google “troops in Afghanistan call home”?

    I think that one of the jokes is that Corey didn’t want to spend one more second talking to his folks than he had to, especially if his mom was going to share the call with his life-long tormentor, Funky. The other one is that Funky never encouraged his step-son to talk to him. The third joke is that the step-sons in FW and RMMD share the same name.

    Ha, ha.

    @Droopy Says (#143):

  147. Elk Meadow
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Sorry for the messy post. I’m having computer problems today. I think it’s punishing me for not throwing more crap programs onto my over-crowded hard drive.

  148. jim, some guy in iowa
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    MT: this is the good part of there not being another comic anything like MT

    FW: making going to a war-torn country and risking death look like paradise compared to home

    JP: kind of sad to watch butt-kicking NSApril being reduced to a slightly-less-dim version of Randy while in her father’s presence. also kinda gross that Daddy Gonzo Kurtz is getting a thrill out of the horny tarantula

    Rex, MD: hey, cool! the Phantom is making a guest appearance as a beat cop!

  149. Huckleberry Fink
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: Snuffy’s recent stroke has left him incoherent, incontinent, and incorrigible.

  150. jim, some guy in iowa
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#149): well, now *that’s* a fearsome trifecta

  151. Huckleberry Fink
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “ER Wang Dong” is how you say “Rusty Trail” in Chinese.

  152. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Mark: The Er Wang Dong cave is considered far superior to the Pecker Schlong cave in West Virginia, the John Thomas Tallywacker cave in Great Britain, the Choda cave in Mexico or the Chinpo Boto cave in Northern Japan.

  153. tallyHO
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Yessss! Mary Worth has made Roast Beef, Mashed Potatoes, Green Beans and Salad…out of plain ol’ tofu which she shaped with her bare hand!

  154. Droopy Says
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    9 Chinless Lane: With every passing day, Brooke gets beefwittier.

  155. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#144): *sigh* If the prom obsession is starting already, how bad is it going to get?

  156. Huckleberry Fink
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Senator Belfry also needs a diaper change.

    Six Chix: One of your “grandchildren” just piddled on your leg.

  157. Sequitur
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#153):

    Are you kidding? Mary just spit in a baking dish, tossed it in the microwave for 20 seconds then POOF! Instant dinner.

  158. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#153): It reminds me a little of that scene in A WRINKLE IN TIME wherein the poor kid who is able to completely close his mind to the Giant Evil Alien Brain finds that his food tastes like gravel, whereas his companions think the same food tastes quite delicious because their brains are less defended. Will any of Mary’s four guests be able to defend their brains well enough to discover that their dinner tastes like Playdough? I doubt it.

  159. tallyHO
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif:

    Hyuk!

    Slylock Fox, you so smart. I would have just walked away.
    Wait. Slylock Fox, you dumbass.

  160. tallyHO
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#157): @Poteet (#158):

    OK. I think what the three of us accomplished is that we each gave Mary Worth abilities beyond the scope of a normal person. Though we each recognize that what she cooked probably tastes nasty.

    High five!

  161. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#160): High five! *slap*

  162. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    PV: Worst. Vacation. Ever.

  163. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: After what we’ve been through, it’s time for Solange. I demand Solange next Sunday. Though if we had to settle for a strip about Juliette lying dead and cold in that French pasture, I wouldn’t complain.

  164. Huckleberry Fink
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Edge City: It’s a slippery slope for Len and his friend. They’ll probably try to outdo one another by taking pictures of their dinner in the bathroom AFTER it passes through their digestive systems.

  165. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT: It’s funny because even barber/customer banter is kind of toxic in Crankville.

    FW: It’s funny because Cory is unfortunately still alive and well, his father doesn’t like him much, and his mother isn’t too bright.

  166. Señor Wences
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “ER: Wang Dong” is also the Chinese spin-off of the NBC medical drama.

  167. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#154): Well, it was clear he was getting more something.

  168. Majicou
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#116): It’s not even about Comic Sans, but rather about people thinking using umpty-ump different fonts in one block of text is creative and interesting instead of a fucking chore to read.

  169. Mr. O'Malley
    February 23rd, 2014 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    TG: A little meta-humor today.

  170. Anonymous
    February 24th, 2014 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    Wow dude, that first one’s caption was masterful.

  171. Anonymous
    February 24th, 2014 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    (Your comment, Josh, that is.)

Comments are closed for this post.