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Mostly soapy Wednesday

Mary Worth, 4/2/14

Just as I had hoped, this Mary Worth Tommy storyline is so amazing that its amazingness is bleeding over into the non-Tommy parts, including Iris and Wilbur going on this fantastic sandwich date. (The date, as Monday’s strip revealed, is taking place at “Jerry’s Sandwich Shop,” which was presumably once a humble lunch counter that Wilbur single-handedly transformed into what’s clearly a full-service sandwich palace, because he bought so many sandwiches.) As you can see in panel one, Wilbur has purchased the Longer Than It Is Wide Special, whereas Iris went with the more standard Perfectly Square model. Both sandwiches are, in keeping with Jerry’s relentless focus on quality, entirely monochromatic, with bread, ingredients, and condiments all the same uniform orange color. In panel two, our two lovebirds show themselves to be true sandwich aficionados: just as a wine connoisseur will take a deep sniff out of their glass and swirl a swig around in their mouth to appreciate the subtle flavors rather than just gulp their wine down thoughtlessly, Wilbur and Iris will spend twenty minutes rubbing their sandwiches against their lips while staring ahead with dull, lifeless eyes, in order to really get the most of out their Jerry’s experience.

Mark Trail, 4/2/14

I know Mark Trail is basically the Kama Sutra of ludicrously stilted dialogue, but “No sir, I would just like to speak to Mr. Trail!” strikes me as even more like something a group of aliens wearing an ill-fitting human skin-suit would say than usual. This may explain why, sometime between panels one and two, our friendly policeman lost two inches and got a different haircut and head-shape.

Dennis the Menace, 4/2/14

“Dennis reveals his parents’ financial troubles to horrified partygoers” is definitely a step up in the menace game! Also, kudos for the municipal water district in the Mitchells’ leafy suburb for calling with shutoff warnings after business hours, I guess?

Apartment 3-G, 4/2/14

I guess Lily is just going to have wait back in the car for however long it’s going to take for newly near-widowed Tommie to strike up a flirtatious romance with Dr. Riley, the sassy large animal vet. “Wait a minute, Josh,” you’re asking. “How can you be sure they’re flirting? Also, where’s this horse they’re talking about?” The answer to both questions is that that “horse” and “colt” are both euphemisms for Dr. Riley’s penis.

276 responses to “Mostly soapy Wednesday”

  1. Congo Bill Bailey
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: Making a nonagenarian humiliate himself in public is always good for a laugh.

  2. Mumblix Grumph
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Please don’t call me Red, my name’s Tommie.” Oh, you playful little minx! If he tries to shake your hand, be sure to hit him with the Taser in your purse.

  3. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    MW “You know what I love about this deli? The all-cheese sandwiches! Fuck bread, am I right?”

    MT When I read that first panel, I was almost sure that Doc meant ‘Mark? Is everything alright? Why did you dab charcoal on your face and start referring to yourself in the third person?” But I guess this is a whole NEW character, and one with a stubbly half-beard, just to keep us in suspense about his true intentions.

    A3G ‘Angry Horse’ was my favourite new A3G character, and he’s already been relegated to off-panel netherverse where the pianos live! Not to worry, A.H., I’ll keep your memory alive, by photoshopping you into every panel A3G from now on!

  4. SKJAM!
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: The strip will now go into the finer points of the difference between libel and slander, and the use of the parody exception.

  5. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    9CL – Two strips ago, it was a half-dozen armed Germans accosting them. Today, it is down to just the one officer, who she is preparing to shoot in the back of the head with her one remaining bullet. What happened to the rest of them?

    This strip’s plotting is so dream-like. Things not in primary focus tend to just fade away, and the plot just drifts along.

    We are still within walking distance of the beachhead a day or so after D-Day, maybe the rest of the Germans from Monday’s strip realized they had better things to do than wander the battlefield challenging civilians to show ID. “Don’t you know there’s a war on!? Why, there’s an enemy tank right over there…”

  6. Congo Bill Bailey
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    Hilarity does NOT ensue when Iris offers to share her beef tongue sandwich with Wilbur, and the latter tries to “French” her…

  7. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    MT-That’s a pretty good disguise, Mark. You’ve got Doc completely fooled.

    MW-”That’s it, Iris. Eat that sandwich.”

    A3G-Doctor Riley will be taking pictures.

    A3G-And for my next trick I will make the car behind us disappear.

    A3G-Colt’s head? What colt? I don’t see any colt.

    A3G-Lily bored by the entire thing decides to drive off.

    Spiderman-I think that is Jameson’s intention to hurt somebody.

    FC-”Mommy, PJ’s had another accident.”

    FW-”Of course I don’t. I’m a woman and I’m married.”

    Gil Thorp-I think somebody accidentally inserted their ‘Gil Thorp’ slash fic into the second panel.

    JP-”There will be a pretty good fireworks display tonight. Have you ever seen a burning helicopter crash to the ground?”

    Love Is-Why is it always her in these situations?

    RMMD-I don’t know. I think the pre-schoolers are more mature than the people Heather will be dealing with.

  8. Dennis Jimenez
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    A3G – Kindly raise your hands above the frame line, where we can see them, you tow-headed lecher….

    MW – Speak through the sammich, in case any lip-reading parole officers are about….

    MT – Is that RMMD’s beard? Oh wait, that would be June….

    DtM – Hey Dad, your mistress wonders when you can break away from all those bores and that back-biting fish-wife for your Thursday night liason….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  9. Christopher
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “And what will you be doing, Doctor Riley?”
    “Grabbing your ass, of course, since you’ve turned your body away from me and playfully offered it.”

  10. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    MT-”There is plenty wrong. We have numerous charges of breaking and entering for Mark Trail.”

  11. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Archie I’ve gone and checked my dictionary, and so far I can’t see ‘idle’ listed as a noun anywhere. Not to say that it isn’t used as such, and its meaning as such seems pretty self-evident, even if it might not be technically correct. Anyhow, all this to say that the over-recycled joke is ‘Teen Idol/Idle Teen’. Don’t mess with the fucking formula, Archie.

    C’shaft I think we’re about to see the birth of ‘Cranky Ed’s Grain-Fed Squirrel Meat Emporium and Deli’, which for various legal reasons will eventually change its name to ‘Jerry’s Sandwich Shop’

    FW I used to think that Batiuk really loved comic books and the kids who read them. Now I’m starting to think he actually really, really hates them…

  12. Chareth Cutestory
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Stilted dialogue, room #69, rough and unshaven man in a police uniform, older man leaning against the doorframe–PLEASE cut away away to a different scene NOW NOW NOW!

  13. Dennis Jimenez
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#6): Dear Wendy,

    Is it proper to French kiss on the second date – I mean if the potatoes a organic and everything….

  14. nescio
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    MT: Melon, gold, and black police outfit? I’m guessing the costume designer from The Golden Girls was hired to do the Miami Vice Squad uniform.

  15. Mumblix Grumph
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    MW: Damn, look at the Kung-Fu death grip Wilbur is using on that sandwich. I’ve seen hungry grizzly bears clutching a salmon with less gusto than the force used by Wilbur’s hairy meat hooks.

  16. Mumblix Grumph
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    AUGH! Unclosed tag. I’m sorry for using extra photons.

  17. DAS
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    MW: “Wilbur has purchased the Longer Than It Is Wide Special”? Is this like how in Bollywood films of a certain era, water symbolized what the censors wouldn’t let the studios actually depict in film? I guess that Wilbur’s eating the long sandwich symbolizes our happy, hungry couple is masturbating together, but with his and her hands each kept to themselves. Now if Iris were eating the long sandwich, OTOH … ew, now I need brain bleach.

    A3G: Is the vet enlisting Tommie’s help in euthanizing the worlds only invisible horse? Will Tommie realize that’s what’s going on? Will Tommie realize that’s what’s going to happen to her dear deer?

  18. DAS
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    MW: “Wilbur has purchased the Longer Than It Is Wide Special”? Is this like how in Bollywood films of a certain era, water symbolized what the censors wouldn’t let the studios actually depict in film? I guess that Wilbur’s eating the long sandwich symbolizes our happy, hungry couple is masturbating together, but with his and her hands each kept to themselves. Now if Iris were eating the long sandwich, OTOH … ew, now I need brain bleach.

    A3G: Is the vet enlisting Tommie’s help in euthanizing the world’s only invisible horse? Will Tommie realize that’s what’s going on? Will Tommie realize that’s what’s going to happen to her dear deer?

  19. Congo Bill Bailey
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    @Jesús Jiménez (#y153): Apartment 3-G: Nice to know a middle-aged “Rusty Riley” hasn’t lost his love of all things equine

    So Rusty Riley grew up to be a veterinarian — just like his hero Kentucky Jones.

  20. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Arlo and Janis: I hate Jimmy Johnson and every last spring-having one of you. There’s frost on my lawn this morning.

  21. Gabacho
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#3): Apt 3G – But off panel is where all the interesting plots go. The whirlwind mother-daughter romances in Europe, nary a view. The plane crash that killed Jim, recounted by the dullest grieving mother in history. A deer clomping around a NYC apartment and the neighbors complaints, not shown. Even when poor Lu Ann went back to confront her miserable foster parents in East Dakota, not a single panel. Apt 3G is exquisitely dull, and thrillingly bland. You might say it reaches new heights in mediocrity, so hang unto that angry colt. Nothing will top it.

    Mary Worth – On the other hand, there is not even the slightest possibility that anything interesting is happening off panel. The sad truth of Santa Royale is that Mary and the rest of the cast have reached their full potential and unlike the women of Apt 3G, don’t even know that there is a more interesting world.

    Mark Trail – Oh, I sort of assumed he was there to kidnap Rusty. Now I feel bad for making assumptions.

  22. Motown
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    And what will you be doing, Dr. Riley?

    I’ll be banging the colt, of course. Now keep him calm!

  23. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    JP Boy, all this talk of violent murder really has Alan looking…sleepy? ‘Are we in danger?’ he asks, with the confidence of a man who somehow knows he’s the permanent protagonist in a long-running serial. ‘I wonder how the great Ink God will save and then reward me in the midst of this massacre?’

    SM I think Brody might be in the running for most pathetic character ever to appear in this strip, and I can’t believe I just wrote that. Congrats, I guess?

  24. aphthakid
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    LUANN: You know, they could have had her say “Mummy” and have the joke actually work. But, hey, this is the slacker strip for people who are proud that they’re completely blowing off their own wedding plans.

    9CL: Yes, she’s going to shoot an entire truckfull of Nazis with the one bullet in her gun. This is very plausible and pulling the gun after the Nazis have already let them go is a very good plan.

    ASM: After the deaths of 14 innocent bystanders and millions of dollars in property damage, Brody begins to suspect this is NOT a charity show.

    A3G: Red? Is this guy color blind or have they been miscoloring this strip for the last forever?

    JP: Whew. Thank goodness the Dutch are on the case.

    MT: What kind of police officer is this? Get a shave, hippie!

  25. Triteon
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    AG#3: “Well, I need to make someone an offer he can’t refuse.”

  26. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    The Family Circus: “Good, because I finally figured out how to make it look like an accident! Er, I mean, come quickly! PJ’s in trouble!!”

  27. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    3-G: Oh, does everything have to be sexual innuendo here? Imagine! “Stand here by the penis’s head and keep him calm.” “And what will you be doing, Doctor Riley?” Huh, I guess you’re right, it is his penis after all.

  28. aphthakid
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    MT: Today is a very special crossover with Slylock Fox. Spot six differences between the first two panels!

  29. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: Calm the colt down? He’s already so calmed down since his aggressive appearance yesterday that he’s disappeared altogether.

    MW: Silly speech balloons in panel 2! Thinking that anybody can understand what they’re saying enough for clear dialogue to show, with those sandwiches jammed into their mouths.

  30. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    @Gabacho (#21):

    I guess I can take comfort that Angry Horse is in a better place. A more dangerous place, for sure, but a place where things actually happen. Godspeed, furious traveler, truly you were too great for mere panels to hold you back.

  31. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: This is a joke about birds pooping in the air. I’m down with that.

  32. BeckoningChasm
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    GAAH is that Les Moore in the background of Dennis the Menace? Kill it with fire!

  33. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Mabuse (#27): Worst. Porno. Ever.

  34. Cloudbuster
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    @Motown (#22): I wouldn’t say I’m “glad” that I’m not the only one who interpreted Tommie’s comment as bestiality innuendo — the half-lidded eyes and sly smile seal it — but at least I’m not alone down in the gutter. Now, among old friends, people sometimes make crude jokes and it’s all in good fun, but “Will I get to watch you bang the horse?” is a conversational gambit you don’t generally attempt with people you just met.

  35. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Y’know, you don’t hear the expression “You’re talking through your hat” very often now that hats aren’t common. Time for a new one. Might Wilbur and I suggest, “You’re talking through your sandwich”?

    Dennis the Menace: Not only does the the municipal water district call after normal business hours, but they leave their threatening message with a kid. Assuming, of course, that Dennis didn’t just make the whole thing up to humiliate Henry and Alice.

  36. Ukulele Ike
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    A3G: Is that Tommie’s “flirtatious smile,” or has she gotten into the Joker Serum again?

  37. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: The smile and facial hair on the cop indicate that these panels are a day-late April Fool’s prank. (The 69 on the door was Cherry’s idea of a joke. Maybe a fantasy, I don’t know.)

  38. Cloudbuster
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    @aphthakid (#24): …or have they been miscoloring this strip for the last forever?

    That. Tommie was supposedly originally patterned after Lucille Ball. You can tell because she’s the crazy one who’s always having wacky adventures. Um, you can tell that, right?

    Lu Ann was Tuesday Weld, and Margo was Joan Collins.

  39. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:10 am [Reply]

  40. Cloudbuster
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:11 am [Reply]

  41. Cloudbuster
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, why would you encourage an ex-con drug addict with no legal, marketable skills to “settle?” I’m sure there’s a six-figure position waiting for him at Santa Royal Pharmaceutical Corp.

  42. Flummoxicated
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Panel one provides readers with their recommended daily allowance of stilted dialog.

  43. lorne
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Mr. Mitchell is wearing a suit in his own home and drinking a martini with grown-ups while his kid is upstairs, like it’s 1962.
    Thank you, Don Draper. Bringin’ back the legacy reruns.

  44. Kevin on Earth
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    CS: If only this were a “Roadrunner” cartoon and Crankshaft was putting all that birdseed out to attract Roadrunner only to be grievously harmed when his overcomplicated plan goes awry…

    ASM: Brody: “I have to keep this going until this plot can be advanced to some conclusion, so I better get comfortable!!!!!!!!!”

    A3G: Hopefully, angry colt/horse is kicking Tommie’s car while she and the doctor are smiling at each other.

    MT: this is why Mark rarely even tries to go undercover when he’s breaking and entering, he will just look like a cop.

    FC: “If he made the puddle, he can play in it”

  45. Dood
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: We were somewhere around a table on the inside of Jerry’s Sandwich Shop when the mayonnaise began to take hold.

  46. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    QC: How to draw a kitty! Look out, Bob Weber, Jr.!

  47. Digger
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    MT: An orange shirt and a scruffy goatee? This clown better clean up his look if he wants Mark Trail to accept him as a lawman.

    MW: Wilbur has much to teach Iris in the ways of sandwich. Today, she holds her square sandwich with two hands, but one day she shall be as Wilbur, one-handing a sub like it was nothing.

  48. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#40): Ah, I wasn’t the first to notice!

  49. lorne
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Tommie’s psychotic break, after manifesting itself as a baby deer only she could and causing her to drift out of her job, has made her drive aimlessly into the country to start re-enacting John Steinbeck’s “The Red Pony” on an abandoned farm.

  50. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MT: Heavy whiskers in MT? That’s not a cop, that’s a poacher and/or smuggler in disguise! Or, at the very least, a rogue cop! Or a rogue cop in disguise! Either way, his vague insistence on seeing Mr. Trail is quite menacing. Not to mention he’s interrupting an exciting chase scene, the fiend!

  51. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Doc: “Is everything all right, Mark?”
    Police Officer: “No, I’m not Mark. I’m a police officer. I would just like to speak with Mr. Trail.”
    Doc: “Will you make me lunch, Mark?”

  52. Currer Bell
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    A3G – wasn’t the doc just warning her that the horse would kick her car “to ribbons” and now he wants her get close enough to hold its head?

  53. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#38): Collins? or Crawford?

  54. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    “Call Me Tommie, because I’m mistaken for a boy.”

  55. Esther Blodgett
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    FW: Is this supposed to be 10-years-in-the-future Mindy? Because it’s always a testament to the quality of the cartoonist’s art when readers can’t tell whether he’s just aged a long-running character by 10 years. On the other hand, if we’re about to see Cancer-Ravaged Jeff of the Future, all is forgiven.

    DtM: Mr. Menace is all Mad Men with his dark suit, martini glass, and disdainful expression today. He’s not listening to Dennis so much as he’s wondering how that unkempt beatnik by the stairs managed to crash his swinging party.

  56. TicketyBo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    I like Wilbur’s single-fistin’ foot-long-eatin’ form in this Mary Worth: no sissy ‘double-handing’ techniques like the college students on the BK-Lounge ads for this experienced campaigner. Also he’s trying to divide a mother and son so he can score with the mother, and that’s just super.

  57. TheDiva
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: Shulock: Okay, now for Dr. Riley I’m looking for someone a little older than Tommie, but handsome in a rough kind of way. He should be a rugged outdoorsy type, gruff but approachable. Think Harrison Ford meets Robert Redford.
    Bolle: I have clip art of a blonde guy with a square chin and some cheekbones hastily sketched in.
    Shulock: *sigh* Close enough, I guess.

    MT: Officer Wooly Willy is on the case!

    MW: Yuck, Iris is starting to eat like Wilbur now. She needs to get out of this relationship, before her hair morphs into a sad combover.

  58. word-doctor
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    DtM: I don’t think this is after-hours. This is the regular skip-work-Tuesday-afternoon-suburban-orgy. There is NOTHING more menacing than Ice Storm’s emotional tenor.

  59. word-doctor
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy: Now THAT’S the most menacing thing I’ve seen in weeks.

  60. TheDiva
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    9CL: And the other Nazis see her going for the gun and turn her into a bloody smudge on the dirt road, right? Right?

    C’shaft: “The strychnine I’ve laced it with should help, too…”

    FW: Maybe Batiuk is trying to scare other people away from comics collecting, so there will be more for him…

    JP: “But those people who get killed won’t be me, right? So everything’s okay!”

    Luann: “I think they’re kidding. With Brad’s limited mental capacity, it’s hard to be sure.”

    Marvin: What, was Marvin’s poop obsession not repulsive enough anymore?

    Phantom: How do you say “gaslighting” in the Wambesi tongue?

    SM: Smart, lying to a powerful tycoon just to get your hands on his top secret weapons-grade body armor. At least you and Spidey are well-matched in the wits department.

  61. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: “Dad, did you tell some guy down at the bus station you’ve been tested for HIV?!”

  62. Svithrir
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    “He shouldn’t settle so early in the game.” Wilbur forces himself to say something, ANYTHING, to distract Iris from what she just said, lest she apply it to herself and he lose any chance at a second sandwich date.

  63. Stroker Ace
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    DtM – The Wilsons didn’t receive a party invitation and decided to prank call Dennis for their revenge. Well played, George and Martha. Well played.

  64. Gary
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    I had gotten to Wilburn’s comb over in panel 1 showed 6 strands of hair but 5 in the second and Iris’ hair is parted to the left in panel 1 but in the middle in panel 2 before I realized this wasn’t “spot the six differences” but actually today’s Mary Worth.

  65. But What Do I Know?
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    JP — “Are we in danger?–and by we, I mean me, of course.”

    Nice work picking up on the second meaning of “horse” today, Josh. Euphemisms for naughty stuff in other comics today include:

    MW — Sandwich Longer Than It Is Wide
    Phantom — Finding the Skull Cave
    GT — Scoring the go-ahead run
    FW — Comic book collector
    MT — 404 not found

  66. eriqjaffe
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Huh. Looks like the current Apartment 3G storyline is ripped from today’s headlines! If today is the day before the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, that is.

  67. Anonymous
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Luann: It’s a pity the word “zombie” doesn’t actually sound like “mommie”. But I guess you can hardly fault Greg Evans for having to work with the limitations of the English language. If only there were some shuffling, undead humanoid monstrosity whose name is a near-homophone of “mommie” that could help make the joke work.

  68. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#65): MT — 404 not found –Really? You don’t think “Going to Pelican Point to get material for a story” = cruising the gay bars?

  69. Elmo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MT: By panel 3 the (probably faux) gendarme has morphed into Snuffy Smith.

  70. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Yes, being the CEO of a global aerospace conglomerate is simple compared to running a local pre-school for wealthy parents. And getting a book deal is as simple as having a five year old ask for one. And a novel that took two weeks to write will be nearly universally acclaimed as the best story ever, and the author will soon be commissioned to write the screenplay. And Rex can cure everything with smelling salts and/or CPR.

    There is just no conflict that can’t be instantly resolved by the amazing superpowers of our protagonists!

  71. merde
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    On Dennis The Menace: “Oh, yeah and some guy called earlier, said he saw your Adultfriendfinder ad, likes crossdressing and says he is fine with ‘being the top to your bottom’, whatever that means.”

    On Family Circus: It’s funny because the puddle is PJ’s urine.

    On Funky Winkerbean: Cool. We’re about to see older Jeff trapped in his shell of a body, hooked up to a mechanical wheelchair where he can only blink a small light once for “yes” and twice for “no”. Damned Delta radiation.

    On Spider-Man: I haven’t seen a head and facial expression like that since the autopilot from “Airplane!” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Airplane_screenshot_Haggerty_Nielsen.jpg

    On Phantom: geez, are these guys carrying her or shaping her unconscious body into different Kama Sutra positions?

    On Luann: A)Simple, but memorable would be Toni yelling “MY WATER BROKE!!” at the altar.

    B) Daddy DeGroot sure went old and deaf since last we saw him.

    C)Waiting for Toni to explain the scuba joke to the family: “You see ‘scuba diving’ because I call Brad’s penis a snorkle and…”

    “Pork what!?”

    “No, honey, Toni’s talking about blowjobs.”

    “Blowjob!? Here at the dinner table?…well, ok…”

  72. merde
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#5): I Think the other guys wandered off to have their way with Bill. He’s missing too.

  73. Doctor Handsome
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    “Pelican Point? Mr. Trail is headed for Pelican BAY, sir.”

  74. sporknpork
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    I know Dr. Riley works with animals, but why does Tommie need to turn around and present herself to him in panel two?

  75. Marc
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Luann- Considering that Bwad has the intellect and emotional maturity of a 5 year old, I’m not so sure they are joking. Surely Momma and Daddy DeGroot know that their son is a certifiable idiot. Although Daddy D got the word zombie confused with mommy, so we see where Bwad got his brains from.

  76. Mikey
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MT- Wow! Plot twist! Given the officer’s mutant-like shape shifting abilities it’s obvious that this is Rusty’s long lost father!

  77. Doctor Handsome
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    “Excuse me for disturbing you.” “I see Rusty’s face all the time, officer. Nothing disturbs me.”

  78. billytheclam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    i guess tommie isn’t the only one with a pet deer in new york:

    http://www.weirduniverse.net/blog/comments/pet_fawn/

  79. Dr. Mabuse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#76): “Excuse me for disturbing you. . . I’m looking for Mark Trail. I would just like to speak with Mr. Trail–about a fishing trip he promised me thirty years ago!!!”

  80. Myrtle
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @eriqjaffe (#66): That’s hilarious! Thanks for linking it. I can imaging Shulock and Bolle rummaging in the back room and finding this old copy of the New Yorker … and the rest is history. “officials were looking for an elk” ?? Our friend could have had a role here too.

  81. Mikey
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    ASM- Remember, Jonah, Brody warned you about exceeding the Oliver Hardy Barrier.

  82. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    MT – With Jackelrod now fully retired and finally out the door, TRMT gathers his staff and announces his first rule of order … “From this day on all good guys in this strip will grow FACIAL HAIR!!!”

  83. ratnerstar
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or is that cop’s beard getting bushier and bushier as the panels progress? Looks like a case of hyperbeardism to me. Probably ought to see a doctor, but maybe Mark Trail can just punch it off.

  84. Dood
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: “Oh, and we’re also outta gin!”

  85. Gary
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    A3G – As I predicted yesterday, Lily has “accidentally” put the car in gear and driven off between panels 1 and 2 of today’s comic. Probably headed for Mark Trail.

  86. Uncle Lumpy
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#70):

    There is just no conflict that can’t be instantly resolved by the amazing superpowers of our protagonists!

    That’s why they’re the protagonists! Leave stuff to amateurtagonists and you get what you pay for — just look at Wilbur Weston, or Spider-man.

  87. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MT: Doc: Mark Trail? He’s probably outside.

    // He’s an outdoors writer, you know.

  88. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MT – “And when you see Mark would you please remind him that Rusty and I are getting pretty gol-darned tired of cleaning the rooms and doing all of the laundry here at this fleabag motel until he finally gets around to paying the outstanding bill for our room? And tell him we need more dog food for that damn mutt of his!”

  89. Uncle Lumpy
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#82):

    1. Mark takes Rusty fishing.
    2. Somebody hits Mark.
    3. Good guy with facial hair.

    Everything I know is a lie.

  90. Shrug
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @ratnerstar (#83):

    “Even a copy who is pure at heart, and says his prayers at night…”

  91. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#87):
    WHY didn’t I think of that!!?

  92. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#82): You might have something. I’ve seen a photo of James, our TRMT, and he himself has a little beard like the cop there.

  93. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    A3G: After reading Josh’s comment, I seriously do not want to know the real reason he’s calling her “Red.”

  94. Anonymous
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    “Shouldn’t settle so early in the game” is clearly meant to be a subtle hint to Wilbur that he’s not in the running to be Tommie’s “new Dad.”

  95. Amos Snarkadder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Josh on Mary Worth

    …Wilbur and Iris will spend twenty minutes rubbing their sandwiches against their lips while staring ahead with dull, lifeless eyes, in order to really get the most of out their Jerry’s experience.

    I didn’t realize Jerry’s had a frottage special on the sandwich menu. Or is that just something the regulars know to order?

  96. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Today’s strip is the gift that keeps on giving. Consider the amazing Iris Flat Face in Panel One. Perhaps it somehow symbolizes her inability to see that Tommy, at this just-out-of-prison-no-skills-weird-hair point, should definitely get into “settle” mode.

  97. Northernlurker
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MT: the guy who wants to see Mark has facial hair–bad; but he seems to be smiling–is that good enough to overcome the bad?
    MT: I just realized there is another clue as to whether or not a character is a villain. Any character that calls Mark simply Trail is bad.

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#82): “From this day on all good guys in this strip will grow FACIAL HAIR!!!”

    Wonderful! Time to bring back this!

  99. Shrug
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#11):

    “Archie I’ve gone and checked my dictionary, and so far I can’t see ‘idle’ listed as a noun anywhere.”

    Try a bigger dictionary, like the OED. You’ll see that ARCHIE is right up to the minute, so long as the “minute” is no more recent than 1606.

    B. n. (absol. use of the adjective)
    †1.

    a. That which is useless, vain, or frivolous. Obs. rare.
    c1000 Canons of Edgar c. 26 in B. Thorpe Anc. Laws Eng. (1840) II. 250 Ne idele spræce ne idele dæde..ne æfre ænig idel.
    c1000 Sax. Leechd. III. 214 gif þu gesihst manega get [= goats] ydel getacnað.
    c1175 Lamb. Hom. 153 Opene to behalden idel and unnet.

    †b. in (earlier on, an) idle : In vain; without result; without cause (cf. idleness n. 1). Obs.
    c1000 Ælfric Leviticus xxvi. 16 On idel ge swincaþ.
    c1000 Ælfric Deut. v. 11 Ne nemne ge drihtnes naman on idel.
    ?c1200 Ormulum (Burchfield transcript) l. 12514 Onn idell & wiþþ utenn ned. & alls he wollde le??kenn.
    1297 R. Gloucester’s Chron. (Rolls) 3071 It nis an ydel no?t þat ich telle þis tydinge.
    ?a1382 Bible (Wycliffite, E.V.) (Douce 369(1)) (1850) Prov. xxiv. 28 Be thou not a witnesse in idil [a1425 L.V. with out resonable cause] a?en thi ne?hebore.
    c1386 Chaucer Parson’s Tale ?522 Euery man that taketh goddes name in ydel, or falsly swereth with his mouth.
    a1500 Ragman Roll 80 in W. C. Hazlitt Remains Early Pop. Poetry Eng. (1864) I. 73 Al in ydel here is thy labour.

    †2.

    a. Idleness. Obs.
    a1000 in Kemble Sal. & Sat. (1848) 258 Þe slep & þæt ydel fet unþeawas & unhælo þæs lichoman.
    ?c1225 (??a1200) Ancrene Riwle (Cleo. C.vi) (1972) 296 Idel akeldeð & acwencheð þis fur.
    1465 J. Russe in Paston Lett. & Papers (2004) II. 308 A day lost in jdyll can neuer be recoueryd.
    1606 J. Sylvester tr. G. de S. Du Bartas Deuine Weekes & Wks. (new ed.) ii. iv. 77 His brains rich Talent buries not in Idle.

    *****************

    Actually, I recall my father or other Pluggers of that generation fifty years ago saying things like “I have to adjust the idle on that car.” Elizabethan poet, ARCHIE panel, or Minnesota Plugger? You decide.

  100. Doctor Handsome
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Mr. Mitchell often slips Dennis his phone at these parties to check Grindr for him. “The check is in the mail” is their secret code for, “This goateed guy over here is good to go.” The “water will be shut off” part means, “Mom’s on to us, and is predictably horrified.”

  101. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Just back after being in PA for almost a full week for my sister’s funeral.
    Just a quick word to the wise … an eight hour trip each way down and back by car is, as I found out, really a bit too much even after a full six weeks of recovery after hip joint replacement surgery, even if you’re not the one doing most of the driving.
    My Doctor knew what he was talking about when he warned me of this, but like Mark Trail I sometimes seem not to follow some rules as well as I should.

    But I’m okay now. (He says as he limps across the room like Chester in Gunsmoke).

  102. Hal Mars
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW – Reluctant to bring up a touchy subject, Wilbur cautiously asked, “Mmmmffrrr, hhrrrr Tmmmmy rrrffff fffhhhrr nnn mmmmrr prrrrffffrrrrnnnn?”
    “Hrrrr urrr,” Iris responded. “Mmmmmrrrrr ffffff nnnnfffff hmmmm rrrrrrhh dnnnnn tnnnnn.”

  103. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#92):
    You know, I was thinking earlier that cop with the stuble may actually an introductory self portrait of TRMT!

  104. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#97): “Any caracter that calls Mark simply Trail is bad.”

    Isn’t that Mark’s full birth name, “Mark Simply Trail”?

  105. Joe Blevins
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: I don’t think Tommie fully comprehends the idea of affectionate nicknames. She just thinks the other person doesn’t know what her name is. “Hmmm. He’s calling me Red even though my name is Tommie. Perhaps he has mistaken me for someone else. I will let him know about this.” In her defense, this happens to Tommie all the time. People are always calling her “Tammy” or “Tanya” or “Midge.”

    MW: Iris is showing Wilbur her “sandwich face.” This is almost too intimate to watch.

    MT: Jesus Christ! Does every male character in this strip have to look like Mark wearing a cheap disguise?

    DtM: Notice who’s taking such delight in Young Master Mitchell’s antics. Yes, it’s Casual Satan in the corner there. “Yes, my minion, you are doing well!

  106. Esther Blodgett
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#101): My condolences on your loss. It sounds as if life has decided to bat you around a bit recently. Obviously you know this, but if laughter is the best medicine, you’re in the right place. Hugs.

  107. Poteet
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m glad we’re getting to see Doctor Riley inviting a total stranger to stand next to the head of a nervous horse while he treats it. This prepares us for later on, when he’ll see nothing illegal or even dubious about keeping a deer in a NYC apartment for a few weeks. Around town, Doctor Riley is known as “that blonde dude with the weird cheeks who calls everybody ‘Red’ and thinks he’s a vet.”

  108. Doctor Handsome
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    “He wants a job he likes and can stay put in until his recidivism. Maybe some sort of seasonal work? The water park opens in a month or two, that seems like a pretty good fit.”

  109. Brad
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    There’s no way the water company is calling after hours, which means Dennis has finally stepped his menacing game up to the point of making up embarrassing phone calls and announcing them at crowded parties. Pretty impressive!

  110. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#101): Jeepers, man! Sounds like you need some Ft. Lauderdale time! Head down to the Elbo Room, have a cold one on me, and check out the bikini babes on the beach.

    // Tell ‘em I sent you.

  111. Get help Brooke
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    The most interesting (disturbing?) part of Mary Worth is how, in the space of Iris saying two sentences, Wilbur inhaled about 3/4 of that sandwich.

  112. Kevin on Earth
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: “The name’s not Red, it’s Tommie. Miss Jackson if you’re nasty…”

  113. Pozzo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    “No, but I’m scared of red horses. Is that flirting? I’m kind of new at this.”

  114. Ethan Shuster
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MT: What’s incredible here is that fact that Doc asks the cop if there’s a problem TWICE. We can presume one of two scenarios:
    1. This sinister man is no cop and when asked the simplest question about his deception, just stands there grinning until Doc asks again.
    2. This IS Mark in disguise and after Doc calls him Mark, he waits quietly until he speaks again, playing along with his weird game.

  115. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MT – SCENES WE’D LIKE TO SEE (as they had in the old Mad Magazines)…
    (Today’s Mark Trail, Panel #1):
    “Excuse me for disturbing you … my name is TRMT and I have taken over this comic strip.”
    (Doc): “WE’VE BEEN FREED! WE’VE BEEN FREED! PRAISE BE TO GOD ALMIGHTY, WE ARE FREE!! OMG! *gasp!* This-this means, as comic strip caracters, we will now be able to appear more realistic and be given more realistic dialog and story arcs that don’t appear to be so damn stupid that they are laughable! …And what about all of that random placement of BOLD font and the lack of Mark using thought balloons? That’s all being corrected as well, right?”

    (PANEL #2):
    (Doc): “Um, is anything wrong, TRMT?”
    (Officer TRMT with face stuble):”No sir. I would just like to speak with mr. Trail about helping me get rid of the oversize animals and fowl that have over run Lost Forest and are still smelling up the place even since mr. Elrod has left the building.”

    (PANEL #3):
    “Well, young fella, he went out to Pelican Point to gather some material for a story!”
    (Officer TRMT): “Thank you very much! …say, by the way, would you and your mutant friend and that big dog be interested in buying a few dozen sea turtle eggs? I gathered them fresh just this morning!”

    AND THE BEAT GOES ON…

  116. Ethan Shuster
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    And in today’s robotic comic strip dialogue: “And please don’t call me Red. My name is Tommie. Please correct this erroneous designation in all future statements.”

  117. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:39 am [Reply]

  118. TheDiva
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#101): I’m so sorry for your loss, and that you have to deal with the stress of physical recovery on top of it. Take care of yourself.

  119. Northernlurker
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MT: please let goatee guy with badge be there to arrest Mark for break-and-enter and invasion of privacy and doing nothing, absolutely nothing, when he saw a man pushed off a cliff by an enraged elk. Please, pretty please.

  120. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#110):
    I’m not setting foot in that Elbo Room again until the day comes that you and I walk in there together to have a few cool ones with Bob Saxon (who still resides there, in Ft Laud. that is) while we remind you a few dozen more times over a cold beer of every detail of how we ended up watching the Beatles from the front row at the February 16th Ed Sullivan show dress rehearal at the Deauville hotel in Miami Beach!

    // And THAT’S a promise I intend to keep! …I mean the part about us at the Elbo Room and the cold beer … you along everyone else have aready heard way more than enough about the Beatles thing.

  121. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Crank: Just fertilize the grass around the feeder so it grows tall and hides it from the squirrels on the ground. Only the birds up high will see it.

    FW: Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll all kill each other.

    Luann: It’s nice that they all cram together on one side of the table.

    MW: Nothing like gloming out words with a mouthful of sandwich…

    RMMD (a.k.a. The Adventures of Sarah’s Book Deal): “That’s really nice, dear……but it has absolutely ZERO to do with Sarah’s Book Deal!”

  122. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#120): Well, whatever you say. Still, the bikini babes will be disappointed!

  123. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#118):
    Thanks, I appreciate that very much.
    Actually I’m doing pretty well with my new hip joint, all things considered. Just over did it a bit going on that 500 mile road trip. Walking with a cane when I need to has been a big step up from using a walker for the first two weeks after surgery! (The recovery has been a breeze compared to the seven plus years of pain and agony from that damn worn out hip joint. I feel such relief in my leg that I may even be showing some leniency to some of these comic strips from now on! But, then again, what fun would that be?)

    // as far as losing my sister, that’s of course never easy for anyone. But considering she had been unable to walk and had been bed ridden for the last two years and never did fully recover from her brain aneurizm surgery fifteen years ago, she told me when I was visiting her last Thanksgiving that she was serious about being more than ready to go. That of course still didn’t make it easy. She was ten years older than me and my only sibling.
    /// RIP, Bobbie, my sister and life long friend.

  124. Erin Burt
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    You know, as an amateur cartoonist I usually like to draw my own avatars, but looking at Iris’ face in that second panel, I now realize I will never be able to create a more accurate representation of myself than that. AVATAR’D.

  125. Illustrator Steve
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#122):
    Oh, RIGHT! I wasn’t thinking about the bikini babes. I guess they will just have to wait. In the meantime I can always go to Gogle maps ™ and drop down to ‘street view’ ™ at the corner of Las Olas and A1A to see the latest style of tiny thongs the bikini babes are wearing. Come to think of it, WHAT am I doing here on this blog when I can be looking at bikini babes?! GOOGLE STREET VIEW, HERE I COME!!!

    // I wonder if they have those big jars of hard boiled sea turtle eggs on the bar in the Elbo Room?

  126. Braniff
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    FC: Now we KNOW how PJ got his name–he pees out of ‘jammies. Case solved!

  127. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#125): You know, the Elbo Room has a live bar and patio cam you can sign up for… http://www.elboroom.com/

  128. Mikey
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#105): MW: I was going to follow your ‘Sandwich Face comment (hilarious by the way!) with something about ‘Wilbur’s mayonnaise’ but I just can’t do it.

  129. But What Do I Know?
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Mabuse (#68): Is that what the kids today are calling it? :>)

  130. bats :[
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:29 am [Reply]

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#130): Gosh, you layer well!

  132. jp
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Today’s Pibgorn is almost unspeakably perverse (note especially the Nurse’s positioning). Viewing the panels together, one sees that Roblio, like all other men, is compelled to quivering by woman’s mighty crotch-power!

  133. Mibbitmaker
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Phantom: I’m going to have to put “Remind me how these are the good guys again?” on a tape loop…

  134. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    I figured SOMEONE would notice that Doc is staying in room 69!

  135. Dennis Jimenez
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Mikey (#128): In Wilbur’s case, it would have to be Miracle Whip….

  136. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-Maybe you guys need a war. Put all that training you do to work.

    Dennis the Menace-”Dad, someone says that they’ll break your kneecaps if they don’t get money you owe them on a horse race.”

  137. AhClem
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    9CL – Considering how often the last panel has shown someone pointing a gun at someone else over the past several weeks, even Chekhov is screaming, “For Christ’s sake! USE the damn thing already!”

  138. Anonymous
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#134): No, no! Don’t tell me that we’re going to have to start looking for purposeful sight gags in Mark Trail? Because that would be … AWESOME!

  139. Marthra
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Stand here by the colt’s head and keep him calm.”
    “And what will you be doing, Dr. Riley?”
    “I’ll be standing by his ass, keeping him excited!”

    (I mean, why not? Makes about as much sense as anything else the strip has done lately.)

    Luann: “Ha ha, we’re such a cute couple! Even our passive aggressive jokes and our pathological denial about our future happiness are totally adorable!”

  140. AhClem
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    MW – Welcome to Jerry’s Monochrome Food Emporium. What color and shape will you be ordering today?

  141. Rambling Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Why what’s in the old ganderbag here? Why its a little bit of folksong, in a bluesy vein!

    Folk Song

    ♫ They call it soapy Wednesday,
    But Tuesday was just as bad,
    They call it soapy Wednesday,
    But Tuesday was just as bad,
    Miss Buxley still aint naked,
    And I am so, so, sad.

    Woke up this morning,
    Had Archie on my brain,
    Woke up this morning,
    Had Archie on my brain,
    My moolies were so bogled,
    I couldn’t stand the pain.

    Oh where are you Aunt Fritzi,
    Oh where are you tonight?
    Oh where are you Aunt Fritzi,
    Oh where are you tonight?
    My artefacts are tingling,
    And my gossetts are a fright. ♫

  142. cheech wizard
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    MT – Given that Mark’s broken into someone’s house, riffled through their belongings and assaulted the homeowner, it’s not surprising that the police are looking for him. And that their badges are growing with anticipation.

    9CL – Please, just shoot the guy in the back of the head. Don’t apprehend him or we have to put up with another two weeks of self-righteous dialog.

    JP – “Yes, people will be killed tonight. You know, I used to be like you. But eventually I grew tired of large sums of money routinely coming my way with little or no effort on my part. So I sought more stimulating pursuits. How about it, Alan? Are you ready to expand your horizons?”

  143. Marthra
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Motown (#22): ‘zactly!

    That horse will be bleating and MAAAing in no time!

  144. bats :[
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#7): maybe because her husband was the one who died first. It’s rather a moot point, since the real-live comic characters are now dead.
    Huh. That’s a downer.
    So. Here’s an upper.

  145. Borborygmy
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#134): You got our number, James. We’re all colossal perverts here.

  146. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Josh wrote:
    “Wait a minute, Josh,” you’re asking. “How can you be sure they’re flirting? Also, where’s this horse they’re talking about?” The answer to both questions is that that “horse” and “colt” are both euphemisms for Dr. Riley’s penis.

    That does explain why when I read Tommie’s response in panel two, in my mind I replaced “Doctor Riley” with “Donkey Dick”.

  147. Hibbleton
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#74):
    I know Dr. Riley works with animals, but why does Tommie need to turn around and present herself to him in panel two?

    That and the dialogue kinda make sense if they’re both bare-assed.

  148. Dale
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#101):

    GUNSMOKE

    I read that Chester was given a stiff knee to explain why he never wore a gun.
    Try it. You can do it!

  149. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @Borborygmy (#145):
    Oh great.
    Now I see this, after I prove your point.

  150. Marthra
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oof, check out Iris’s eyes in panel two. That must be one helluva sandwich, she’s already drowsy from artificial food coloring and carbs.

  151. Chester
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#148):I used to be an adventurer like yourself, until I took an arrow in the knee!

  152. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#105):

    MW: Iris is showing Wilbur her “sandwich face.” This is almost too intimate to watch.
    That is probably less disturbing than his MayO face.

  153. Uncle Lumpy
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Marthra (#150):

    Iris is drowsy from indifference.

  154. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#45): Mary Worth: We were somewhere around a table on the inside of Jerry’s Sandwich Shop when the mayonnaise began to take hold.

    There’s nothing but Fear and Loathing in Santa Royale.
    Only the ones who leave achieve their dreams; those who stay just have nightmares.

  155. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    MT: It must be refreshing to live in Mark Trail’s world, where every corrupt police officer/impersonator helpfully sports five o’clock shadow to help identify them.

    A3G: “Jesus, I just got through drawing a deer head twice in three weeks, now she wants me to draw a goddamn horse? Get it through your head, lady: I don’t do animals. Or legs. Or people, really.”

  156. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I will give A3G lotsa props.

    That doctor does not look like the other cloned potential paramours who pop up with a prolific frequency in this comic strip. That could be a positive sign for the potential the story line has for advancing in an interesting fashion.

    It will get even saucier if Margo gets wind of the wild large animal sex shenanigans that Tommie has lucked into.
    Margo.
    Unzip her, Mule!
    That lady’s riding crop collection must be long and plentiful. And, painfully well worn.

  157. cheech wizard
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “And what will you be doing, Dr. Riley?” is about as blatant a setup line for a porno as there is. Fortunately, that means we won’t have to put up with any inane dialog for about three weeks, although the sprinkling of little musical notes from the cheesy rock soundtrack may get annoying after awhile.

  158. Legend of the Arctic
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    A handsome, mustachioed policeman shows up at the house of a rugged, older man for no legitimate reason, and we can see the number 69 is prominently displayed on the door. Evidently the turtle egg story wasn’t exciting enough, so Mark Trail’s writers decided to just flat out copy gay porn plots from now on.

  159. Chip Whittle
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Wait, Tommie’s a redhead? I had always assumed she was a dirty bland.

  160. Ned Ryerson
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#156): That doctor does not look like the other cloned potential paramours who pop up with a prolific frequency in this comic strip.

    Give it time. Eventually the face will morph into something consistant with the Tom/Gary/Joe/Alan/Eric/Paul/Rick model.

  161. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#160):

    You’re right.
    What was I thinking, giving them the benefit of the doubt and all.
    I really should know better than to expect anything other than what you describe.

    Maybe I haven’t been on top of things lately.

  162. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    MW-Wilbur’s hoping Iris gets some mayonnaise on her face. He likes it when a woman eating a sandwich gets mayonnaise on her face.

  163. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    MW-And all the while Wilbur is making mayonnaise in his pants.

  164. cheech wizard
    April 2nd, 2014 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    If any A3G character was going to be coyly looking over her shoulder and asking this question, why couldn’t it be LuAnn? The original one, who was based on Tuesday Weld! There are fans here waiting to be serviced, dammit!

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Totally off topic, but can we have the death penalty for Rachel of Cardholder Services? I’m against the death penalty in general, because it’s hard to prove murder and such, and very few people murder a lot, and they are often exonerated by DNA evidence. But phone spammers, well I think it would be possible to prove THAT beyond a shadow of a doubt. And then they should die. Painfully. Something with boiling oil in it, I think.

    // Sorry. Please resume your comic strip discussion.

  166. Majicou
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    A3G: This is a weird production of Equus.

    @jp (#132): Today’s Pibgorn is almost unspeakably perverse
    So it’s noticeably less perverse than usual.

  167. cheech wizard
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @jp (#132): Well, if anyone was ever going to introduce vagina dentata into Romeo and Juliet, you knew it had to be Brooke.

  168. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    If I had a dead tree comic that still printed Mark Trail, I’d probably draw a crazy and stupid goatee on that police – damn, someone beat me to it. Well, on to Dennis, where I’m going to draw a devil goatee on the guy near the stair – shit, I could do better than these losers!

  169. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Look at the professional manner in which Wilbur grips that sub sandwich one handed in panel 1. He’s got it completely under control, perfectly lining it up for the double grip and face-stuffing in panel 2. Say what you will, this is a man who knows how to take on the business end of a hoagie.

  170. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: On the other side of the country, Rick Grubber is going to wake up without pants, grasping an empty bottle of Jack in one hand and a size 44DD bra in the other (also regrettably empty). As a point of suspense, we will wait on tenderhooks to find out if the bottle of Jack is Yukon or Daniels. Wait for the big reveal, people!

  171. Ebenezer Wasabi
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: “Don’t forget the orange wig and the rubber nose — in case Baka Gaijin shows up!”

  172. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#99):

    Whoa whoa whoa….While I’ll admit that ‘idle’ can be used as a noun, the description given there says that it is absolute use of an adjective, which is not the sense that Archie used it in, unless there’s some higher level grammar I’m not seeing there….

    Either way, I think we can both agree that Archie’s dad wasn’t calling him some kind auto part, unless maybe he was snoring?

    @bats :[ (#130):

    Oh very nice…!

    Man, I need to find a way back into my flickr account….

  173. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    FW:
    “I’m learning to speak geek! You know, because comic book collectors are geeks! And they have particular ways of speaking of these things! And I’m not speaking this geek-speak now, nor have I ever in this strip! And you’re smirking because that’s what I desperately need you to do here! I couldn’t even make a joke about being late because I had to stop at STARBUCKS – get it? Because I’m looking for Starbuck Jones?? Smirk! Please! It will make everything right!”

  174. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Wait, Heather, who has no experience, is now running the company? Milton, who founded, ran and built the company into billions, is taking more time to be with Heather, who won’t be around. Wasn’t there a story arc about 3 years ago when they thought Milty was dead, and Heather was going to be CEO, except the board hated her so much that one of them tried to kill her?

    Oh, don’t worry, this is Rex Morgan, where following the simple rules of daycare will be awesome in corporate culture. Like having to raise you hand before going potty. That’s going to net the company a billion right there. Yeah, English Nanny, you go show those rocket scientists that they don’t know what they’re doing. Except in terms of calculating the amount of thrust necessary to put a 500 lb satellite in orbit, and at what trajectory and what fuel and material should be used. Which is sort of the point of the company. But fuck reality, Rex’s friend is on board!

  175. Ebenezer Wasabi
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: The gym teacher touches one of his students inappropriately — and an oblivious Curtis walks away muttering “Aww, spit!” That marks a new low for this strip.

  176. Bootsy
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#131): sez to bats[:

    Gosh, you layer well!

    Layer? I barely know her! Bwah ha! I crack myself up.

  177. Canley
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    MT–Cop: “I would just like to speak with Mr. Trail!”
    Lou Grant: “He went out to Pelican Point to get some material for a story!”
    Cop: “Thank you very much! If you see him, just let him know Officer Carl “Dirty” Sanchez is looking for him!”

  178. Squeak
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    No. no, no, you don’t get it. The water district is calling during business hours, and the Mitchells are standing around drinking with their fellow deadbeats. That’s why they can’t pay their water bill.

  179. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Just be thankful that’s all the guy squeezed on you, Heartthrob.

    Curtis-With a kid that fat why is he named ‘Heartthrob’ and not ‘Heartattack’?

    Sally Forth-”No, Mason, that’s an electrical outlet. We don’t lick those.”

  180. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Now is there a person named Doc here. We got a report from a person named Rusty saying that this Doc is abusing him.”

  181. Midtown
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#138): “…purposeful sight gags in Mark Trail?”

    So now when we see animals talking out of their butts it will be intentional? (Why do I have a feeling that it’s always been that way? Thanks for the memories, Mr. Elrod.)

  182. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#169): Wilbur can “deep throat” cylindrical objects. The implication that he’s Charterstone’s Ron Jeremy? Augh! I just scared myself.

    @Ebenezer Wasabi (#171): He does already have the hugely disporportionate feet. EEEEE!!!!

    @Liam (#179) on Sally Forth: Apt. The kid does seem to have had more than his share of dip and chips. Lead paint chips that is.

  183. Marc
    April 2nd, 2014 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#154): Sounds like the west coast version of Westview. Only with rampant meddling taking the place of rampant cancer.

  184. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Doc is staying in room 69. Heh.

  185. Shrug
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#165):

    “Totally off topic, but can we have the death penalty for Rachel of Cardholder Services?”

    She’s been at it a long time. Back in her earlier days, Enoch Drebber tracked her down and tried to off her, but she got him first. Dying, he started writing her name on the wall in blood to lead the authorities to her, but some pompous amateur detective misinterpreted the scene and threw them off the track. Since then she’s been more careful.

  186. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#182): I don’t know if Ron Jeremy ever did the gay thing. I’m also not convinced that being able to unhinge your jaw to swallow a can of Campbell’s whole is a necessary precursor to giving an awesome BJ. But, if your “manhood” is so large that it requires a cavernous maw in order to park in, then hey, more power to ya!

  187. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    “And what will you be doing, Dr. Riley?”

    “I was about to play grab ass. But I’m busted now.”

  188. cheech wizard
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    MW – Never mind that the ex-con, druggie kid needs a job. These people are talking with their mouths full! Where is Mary Worth when you need her?

  189. Horace Broon
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Has Brody brought this up before? It seems like something he should have brought up before. But presumably, it’s taken four months for Stan’s writing monkey to wonder “Is giving a suit of armour to Jonah with no questions asked something Tony Stark would actually do? I mean, assuming he wasn’t drunk.”

    Crank: This is tedious and stupid, but it’s not about Sad Losers Who Collect Comics And The Women Who Enable But Are Contemptous Of Them. So there’s that.

    HtH: A viking boy with a pet dragon his father disapproves of? Where does Browne get these original ideas from?

    JP: “So, people may be killed tonight?”
    “It’s possible. These men have been hunting me for years!”
    “Sorry, I wasn’t clear: By ‘people’, I really meant ‘me’. Is there any chance I might be killed tonight?”

    Phantom: Oh, that’s right, the Wasembi are the ones with the magic bonking stick. That ought to stop her asking questions.

    Pluggers: Pluggers hope wearing a T-shirt with a smiley face will mask the despair that’s written all over their real one.

  190. Arabella
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#179): @Baka Gaijin (#182): re Sally Forth: I’m enjoying this story – it’s good to see some different interactions between characters. I get bored with Hillary and her friends.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#165): You still get calls from Rachel? I’ve now been assigned to “Heather.” Funny, they sound like they could be sisters.

  191. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#186): Who said or implied anything about gay? Were I to give any thought to the bustline endowments of the Charterstone dowagers, but not so much thought that hysterical blindness sets in, I’d imagine a scene more reminiscent of saggy balloon animal balloons rather than perky spherical balloons, if you get my drift.

  192. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Funky: Would it be really wrong of me to say that Mindy Murdock was drawn really hot-looking today?

  193. Vince M
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#30): I missed A3G yesterday so I missed Angry Horse. By the way deer are drawn there, I’m guessing he looked like what, a llama?

  194. Baka Gaijin
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#193): Angry horse looked angry. Seriously.

  195. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#5): Tanks were actually not much of a part of the D-Day invasion. The allied tanks mostly sank before the beach. Maybe two survived. The German tanks were famously not deployed. They were kept inland, and Rommel wasn’t there to give the command to bring them out and they had a hard time contacting him in Berlin. But if your version includes tanks that don’t spontaneously change sides, it’s more historically accurate that this Brooke McElfantasy surreal crap.

  196. Odie Odo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#184): MT: Doc is staying in room 69. Heh.

    It’s funnier if you imagine Doc Davis not wearing any pants when he answers the door.

  197. Midtown
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#192): Do you mean “wrong” as incorrect, or WRONG! as being thrown into the fires of hell? If the latter, the answer is yes.

  198. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Tommie: And what will you be doing, Dr. Riley?

    Riley: I’ll be at the other side, of course. Can’t you see this colt is pregnant and about to give birth to a calf? You city folk don’t know anything about animals, do you?

  199. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    3G – Tommie, you stand by the colt’s head and keep him calm. Dr. Riley will be elsewhere, giving him a pill. If you’d rather switch, he’ll let you have the tube. Be sure and give the mouthpiece a wipe. You never know where those things have been.

    One Big – Here’s the time-shift between the actual day’s strip and the one the syndicate runs. This is clearly the Halloween strip.

    Null – Is my face red! I thought the makeover was an April Fool’s gag, but Iris is still sporting every bit of it today, and looking quite proud of herself.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y163): Chick Tracts got me through some of the dark years, living in a swampy burg below the gnat line in Georgia. Newsstand comics were erratic, and anything more esoteric was impossible, but at least two places sold Chick’s works, including the full-color comics that were able to give more detail and more footnotes proving that vague allusions in the Bible were explicit condemnations of the present-day Pope of Rome. I built up quite a collection, which hasn’t grown much since we left the area. I even got a paperback with illustrations by Mr. Chick.

    The parody site is a great resource, and I recommend it highly.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y180): “There’s a dead Bishop out on the landing.”
    “I don’t know who keeps bringin’ ‘em in here…”

    @Albert (#y192): S. Clay Wilson memorably used “Flump” as a sound effect for something that rhymes with flump. (Let’s see… a-ump, bump, cump…)

  200. debussy fields
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    MT– “I’m looking for Mark Trail.” “Mark? Is everything all right? Is anything wrong, Officer?” How is that an appropriate response to the man at the door? Imagine the phone ringing at Lost Forest: “Hello. I’d like to speak with Mark Trail, please.” “Mark? Is everything all right? Is anything wrong?” Jesus! Or how about Cherry calling Mark for supper. “Mark!” “Mark? You’re looking for Mark? Is everything all right? Is anything wrong?” Doc, settle fuckin’ down! And if you’re really all that concerned about Mark, wipe that stupid grin off your face.

  201. Angry Horse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#194): Well #@%$&^! You’d look “angry” too if you spent all week learning your lines for what was to be your break-out role!! And then being told at the last minute it was cut to a walk-on! That shyster agent!! I oughta kick his ass to ribbons!

  202. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Fast forward a week in A3G:
    Tommie: Margo, I got Lilly a great home!

    Margo: ’bout time.

    Tommie: But I had to take this angry horse with me.

  203. Lilly the fucking deer
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Angry Horse (#201): BLEAT! Bleat bleat bleaty, bleat. Bleaty bleat bleaty bleat bleaty bleat. /Bleat

  204. hogenmogen
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: We interrupt this punching and chasing and plot out at Pelican Point in order to bring this special, shocking announcement! Mark Trail is NOT in his hotel room! He’s at Pelican Point! Now, back to Pelican Point, where we last left off…

  205. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I’ll be selling tickets. Do you have any idea how many people want to see a woman and a horse together?”

  206. Angry Horse
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Lilly the fucking deer (#203): Hey, if you’re going to live here on the farm, learn to speak #@#%^$ HORSE.

  207. Angry Horse's Agent
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Angry Horse (#201):

    Equus, baby, what can I say? It’s APARTMENT 3G, and the schmucks there couldn’t find their tuckus with all four of your hoofs! I fought for you, baby, but the best I could do was a promise they’d put in a good word for you over at MARK TRAIL if you’d be interested in some stand-in work there. As I recall, you do used to do a killer comedy bit at parties after you strapped on a pair of false antlers and went with this deep butch “elk” voice. Well, as it happens. . . .

  208. Pelican
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#204):

    Dammit, don’t “point” that thing at me!

  209. demoncat_4
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    mw. all wilbur needs to do is look at iris face for the answer to how the tommy situation is really for her.as they enjoy one of the things they have in common eating.dtm. leave it to denis to make sure he asks those personal type of questions when there is a crowd around. proving how evil he is

  210. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    MW-Tommy wants a job that hires ex-cons or one that would hire him but won’t look down on him for being an ex-con.

  211. Odie Odo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Ripley’s: Designer Sofia Diaz de la Rocha of Miami, Florida has made a dress from SAWDUST — because she lost a bet with cartoonist VERA ALLDID!

  212. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Luann-”And TJ will be doing the catering.”

  213. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-”Dad, there’s a woman on the phone who says that it’s yours.”

  214. Doctor Bombay
    April 2nd, 2014 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    MT: In other news, Doc’s desire for a life beyond Lost Forest begins with a stay at No Tell Motel, room 69.

    MW: Wilbur’s anticipation of pure ecstasy that only a Jerry’s sandwich can deliver is evident in the battle between his arm hairs and his lips as to which one can reach the sandwich first.

  215. Droopy Says
    April 2nd, 2014 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    9 Chinless Lane: Martine shoots the now-lone German in the back of his head and puts on his uniform (it’s a perfect fit). Bill is smitten! He never knew they had so much in common! There follows a week of intense hand sex, with a background composed of musical notes from Romeo and Juliet.

    Spidercan’t: Tony Stark arrives. He would have been here sooner but it’s a long flight from China. He chases Iron Jonah, who goes out of control as he tries to break the sound barrier. Stark catches him and uses a can opener to extract him from the ruined suit. Parker, who has again won by doing nothing useful, watches TV and worries about his job. Then there’s a special news bulletin about Doc Ock or some other villain, and by the time it’s over, the Iron Jonah arc’s problems are forgotten.

    FW: If Holly really wanted to bond with her son, she could have sat down with Cootie and asked him why he likes comic books–but why develop parenting skills at this late date?

  216. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Josh, the ‘colt’s head’ is a reference to it’s penis.

  217. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Now that we are done here let me get back into my room. The hotel left a complimentary hooker.”

  218. pugfuggly
    April 2nd, 2014 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#193):

    Funny you should mention it….

    For all those who missed Angry Horse yesterday and are fans of innuendo, I give you Tommie and Angry Horse: an Erotic Barnyard Adventure’

    Oh, Angry Horse’s Agent, the cheque is in the mail…

  219. J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
    April 2nd, 2014 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    I have nothing to add except that this is one of Josh’s finest posts in a while, in my opinion. I literally cried with laughter for a full five minutes at the Mark Trail snark along.

  220. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#188):
    Mary is probably at home eating a container of pizza flavored ice cream and thinking thoughts of Ken Kensington, AC-TOR!

  221. Cloudbuster
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

  222. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#188):

    Mary is patiently waiting for the time when Tommy’s friend Jesus Christ can’t help him get a job and she’ll swoop in and find a job for Tommy and sit around for days afterwards basking in Tommy’s praise.

  223. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#185): Makes sense. Many of the calls come from Utah and Nevada.

  224. Alison
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#174):
    Is Heather the English nanny?? Lord, I’ve been reading this strip for like two years and i never put two and two together. I did not know Heather the pre-school teacher was also Widdle Sarah’s English nanny.

    I guess it is partially because “Rex Morgan” does not subscribe to the “Luann” school of make-sure-everybody-knows-every-minute-this-character-isn’t-American. (Like pointing out Quill is an Aussie every second day.) If only RMMD was more like Luann, every time Heather appeared she’d make a comment like, “Bloody hell, Widdle Sarah, how about we go eat some bangers and mash now?”

  225. Alison
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: I think it’s become very obvious Wilbur intends to kill Iris and make off with what her husband left her. Wilbur is waaayyyyy too interested in getting Tommy out of her house. I can see all this being discussed on a TV show like “Forensic Files” after Wilbur has been busted for Iris’s murder.

    MARY WORTH, FRIEND OF VICTIM: “You know, we thought it was awful weird that Wilbur was always bothering Iris to get her son out of the house. It wasn’t really his business, but he talked about it all the time. She didn’t want to push her son, but he wouldn’t let the subject go. I guess now we know why. Thank goodness Wilbur was caught after leaving his fingerprints all over that sandwich in Iris’s apartment.”

  226. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#218):
    I guess none of this should surprise me.
    I had heard Angry Horse has a stable sex life.

  227. White Rabbit
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m waiting for Crankshaft to connect his annual battle with the squirrels to one of his other obsessions, fire. A light toasting with his flamethrower ought to leave them ready for Brunswick stew.

  228. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Meanwhile, Wilbur increases his chances of getting laid if he widens his gut. Iris has a type.

    MT: Mark is stalked by the evil bearded… Say, is that even hair on his face? It looks like it could be dried sloppy joe sauce. Whatever, he’s not a real cop.

    DtM: Henry and Alice Mitchell are menaced less by their son than by the fact that the owners of those stolen credit cards have finally cancelled.

    A3G: Tommie flirts with the cowboy vet while her fiancé’s body is still warm. I can sort of understand, because Riley is one of the few men she’s met who doesn’t look like every other man.

  229. TheDiva
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: You know, maybe it’s a mercy Romeo and Juliet died so young. If they’d stayed married, they’d have made themselves and everyone around them miserable inside a year.

  230. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2014 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    WofI: Maybe I’m wasting brain cells on this, but it doesn’t seem like armor tailored for the relatively lanky Rodney should fit the Wiz.

    FW: So Funky is, like, ten years later than Crankshaft, right? Because this Mindy compared to that Mindy… I don’t know, I guess her late forties were a particularly awkward time for her.

    9CL: What is she holding, a Hershey bar? I guess both sides used them as currency during the Big One.

    JP: Abbot:“No, you’re in no danger. God looks after saints and fools.”
    Alan: “You really think I’m a saint?”
    Abbot:… … …

    RMMD: Sure, Rex. Any one of us could run a multinational aerospace company, if only we could clear a few hours in our weekly schedule.

    BB: The nice thing about meaningless, made up statistics is that they can be pretty much whatever they say you are. General Halftrack lacks only boldness.

    GT: Shouldn’t narration like, “Lucky Haskins get drilled, and then Ric Devore unloads,” run during the team showers?

    FC: “… ‘cuz I just made a new puddle for PJ all by myself.”

  231. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#225): The “Wilbur as Black Widower Killler” concept is disturbingly credible. Not that I think he’d be at large for long afterwards. Fingerprints on a sandwich? Please, those greasy sausage fingers would leave smudges everywhere he went.

  232. tallyHO
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#231):

    Perhaps in some circles Wilbur is also known as The Comics’ Cur-smudgeon…

    /bwah hahahahahahaha! Hoooooooo! Will Wilbur ever be taken seriously? Is such a thing possible? I hope not!

  233. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#40): To my knowledge Bob Weber Jr, isn’t thinking about retirement, but I guess Jeph Jacques is throwing his hat in the ring for the Slylock job in case that day ever comes.

  234. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Mabuse (#61): Oh, is that bad. But oh! did I laugh.

  235. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#195): We’ve had at least a few days pass after the initial landing, however, enough time for the Allies to get a few Shermans ashore. Assuming that the people in the Burberverse managing the invasion itself are reasonably competent, as opposed to the Allied military intelligence operatives we’ve met, who behave more like stick puppets.

  236. Peanut Gallery
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    The second panel dialog in Mary Worth really should just be “OM NOM NOM NOM NOM”.

  237. Peanut Gallery
    April 2nd, 2014 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Jim Whatsisface, Tommie’s most recently deleted fiancee, called her “Red” every time he opened his mouth (on February 6, 7, 9, 11, 13, 14, 15, and 16) and she didn’t make a peep about it. Is today’s strip a subtle way of showing that she’s protecting Jim’s memory? Nah. More likely it’s the same kind of attention to continuity that causes Tommie to have a different face and different hair in almost every panel she appears in.

  238. Flippin Arkansas
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    MT:
    “Mark?…Is everything all right? Is anything wrong, officer?”
    “No, sir. I would just like to speak with Mr. Trail!”
    “Why in the world would you want to do that, son? He’s probably off somewhere talking about turtle poop to no one in particular. He’s…He’s touched, you see.”

    MW: Clearly the explanation re: the sandwich color is that Jerry’s is one of those establishments that specializes in deep-fried everything, if I know Wilbur.

    A3G: SEVERAL WEEKS LATER AFTER INCREASINGLY OBVIOUS INNUENDO FOLLOWED BY WHAT CAN ONLY BE POST-COITUS SMOKING, TOMMIE RETURNS TO HER CAR…
    “What’s…? What’s that smell, doctor?”
    “Who even cares?! Gimme some sugar, Red!”

  239. cheech wizard
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#205): What a lucky pony, eh? Hmmmm? Hmmmm? Don’t you wish you were that pony?

    So it goes.

  240. seismic-2
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    MT: “I’m looking for Mark Trail.”
    “Just find the nearest unlocked door or open window. He will have let himself in.”

    MT: “Stand here by the colt’s head and keep him calm.”
    “No problem. All I have to do is stand next to someone for 10 seconds, and they are immediately so bored that they fall asleep.”

    MW: Wilbur’s word balloon in Panel 2 needs a Phantom-style asterisk and narrative box, indicating that this is a translation from the Wilbur tongue. What he was actually saying was “Mnph glzplbrx krgjpl pqumzsh flrgwpt.”

    And yes, “the Wilbur tongue” brings up all sorts of images that will make it difficult to fall asleep tonight.

  241. jp
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#239):

    I see what you did there.

  242. Liam
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    MW-Wilbur stop hitting on Iris. Aren’t you going out with Dawn?

  243. Peanut Gallery
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

  244. Sequitur
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#236):

    The second panel dialog in Mary Worth really should just be “OM NOM NOM NOM NOM”.

    And that’s just the sandwiches talking.

  245. Sequitur
    April 2nd, 2014 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

  246. walt d
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    JP: For sane people reading a thriller is far preferable to living in one.

    FW: A mere ten year difference and yet it makes my head hurt trying to align these strips. Mindy looks believable with the extra years. That’s the daughter, however, not the wife who is trying to get her husband to give up his comic books. Does Jeff know someone is coming around to possibly buy some of the musty dog-eared books he’s been lovingly keeping in boxes in the attic the last 30 years?

    MW: Chrissakes! The kid is a druggie ex-con. Finding something he likes is not a priority. Finding any employer that will have him, and building a work record is. Of course Tommy isn’t actually looking for work on the legit side of the street so it doesn’t make any difference.

    RMMD: I really don’t understand business. What does Heather have to sell? The rest of the lease on the room, the handful of furniture and supplies, her “lesson plans”? A list of names of the kids she left in the lurch when she closed the school on a moment’s notice? (There went the “good will”.) Unless there’s an assistant we don’t know about continuing to operate the school there IS no school. And even if it’s operating I can’t see that it’s worth paying much of anything for.

  247. Odie Odo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    Mutt & Jeff: Hey, A. Mutt — the last time I checked, you were a married man. So why are you trying to put the moves on other women? (Geez, you’d think he was Leroy Lockhorn or something!)

  248. Odie Odo
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Nancy: I finally realized that the Wizard of Id has been going around barefoot all these years. What, a wizard can’t wear shoes?

  249. Ukulele Ike
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#185): “Rache” is the German for revenge, so don’t spend too much time searching for your Miss Rachel.

    You knew someone would get it eventually, didn’t you?

  250. Hank G.
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#134): So are the current strips being drawn by you, or did Mr. Elrod leave a backlog (the newspaper article about his retirement said that he worked 10 weeks ahead)?

    Last day for the Jack Elrod ball?

  251. Sequitur
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Odie Odo (#248):

    A wizard should be barefoot. To make the magic work he has to put one toe on top of another toe and push. That’s why he waves the wand and says PRESS TOE! With footwear on it just doesn’t work right.

  252. SGT. STONED
    April 2nd, 2014 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    DTM: It could have been worse. I could have been a phone sex operator returning Henry’s call.

    MT: “Yes Sir. We have an APB from Pelican Point–suspect in a case of breaking and entering and assault and battery resembling Mark Trail. Actually, resemblng me too if I shaved this goatee off.”

  253. lurkerman
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I’ve finally figured it out. Dennis’s menacing abilities are exactly on par with another comic strip character’s efforts…so much so I believe the two are linked in a Funky Winkerbean/Crankshaft way. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…the future Clown-9!

  254. Alison
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#231):
    Yeah he’s got real porkers for fingers. Plus, knowing Wilbur, he’d probably commit murder, get hungry, make a sandwich, and still be sitting in the middle of the crime scene eating it when the cops showed up.

    “Sir, you’re under arrest for murder. Put your hands up.”
    “But can’t I finish my sandwich first? Look, it has extra mayonnaise. It’s delicious.”

  255. bats :[
    April 2nd, 2014 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#243): noxious, at the very least.

  256. Albert
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Lilly the fucking deer (#203): This makes me giggle uncontrollably. BLEAT!

  257. Droopy Says
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Spidercan’t: Exactly how would Jameson, pissant publisher of a dying newspaper, force bazillionaire Tony Stark to punish an employee for not doing something insane? I hope it’s a moot point, and it will be if Brody arranges Jameson’s funeral.

    Family Circus: I almost wish melonheaditis were a real-world disability. It would be tragic, of course, but then there would be a support group to protest the continued existence of this comic. Cripes, Allegedly-Adult Jeff Keane, at least try to make an occasional joke!

    Fuck You, Batiuk, You Douchenozzle, Alzheimer’s Isn’t Funny: not even when it happens to Ed Crankshaft, who is the fool’s-gold standard for “not funny.”

    Jugheaded Parker: Abbott, they already jerked their joysticks, so you’re a bit late with the prophecy.

    Mark Trail: Nice Dauphin!

    Phantom: Somewhere out of sight, a frightened mother is telling her children “Don’t tell her the truth or Ghost-Who-Eats-Children will get you!”

    Pluggers: Like Pluggers wash their t-shirts.

  258. yaoi huntress earth
    April 2nd, 2014 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Is anyone else picturing Romeo sounding like he’s totally hamming everything up in these two pages? And not the fun kind of overacting that Vincent Price does.

  259. Majicou
    April 3rd, 2014 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#257): [FC] Hydrocephaly?

  260. Hank G.
    April 3rd, 2014 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Pluggers barely know how to dress themselves.

  261. Dale
    April 3rd, 2014 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    About 25 min. ago I posted the following comment on the PI/MT site (from memory) -

    We didn’t see Trail steal any physical evidence. The cops DO need a search warrant. What are they going to do for probable cause?
    If Elrod wants to go out with a bang, he’ll have Marlin get a LAWYER!

    A message came up like – Hang on. This needs approval from Comics Kingdom.

    After 2 min., I broke away. I went back 8 minutes later. Comment vanished.
    Was I supposed to wait until they woke someone up? Would they have told me why it was killed?

  262. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 3rd, 2014 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#243): Hah! Gotta love that chubby, flying, etc. etc. fellow!

  263. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 3rd, 2014 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    @walt d (#246): I don’t understand the business either. But, as I’m sure you are aware, there are fashionable preschools in Manhattan that charge tens of thousands a year, and at which parents sign up when they think they might be pregnant… if Heather’s is one of those schools, yes, the name alone could be quite valuable. Not that that really makes any sense.

  264. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 3rd, 2014 at 3:22 am [Reply]

    @Arabella (#190): You still get calls from Rachel? I’ve now been assigned to “Heather.”

    I got called by Bridget today. They like the good, old-fashioned names, don’t they? Anyway, she’ll always be Rachel to me.

    // There’s an idea for a folk song there. I’ll mention it to Ramblin’ Nehemiah.

  265. Huckleberry Fink
    April 3rd, 2014 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: Don’t be a dum-dum, Dolly. You need TWO small plants to hang a hammock on.

  266. Huckleberry Fink
    April 3rd, 2014 at 4:33 am [Reply]

    Pluggers… wear craptastic tee shirts that fall apart before they do.

  267. Huckleberry Fink
    April 3rd, 2014 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: It appears Mr. Angus has a beef.

    Baldo: I hope she didn’t pay for that second lunch.

  268. hogenmogen
    April 3rd, 2014 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    FC: The plant is dead, Dolly, like all else in our backyard. I bought it as a visual reminder of the permanence of death that surrounds us. As long as I’m digging a hole for this thing, you got any pets that look a little peaked these days? Barfy’s looking kinda tired, isn’t he?

  269. hogenmogen
    April 3rd, 2014 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    MT: “And by ‘serious trouble’, I mean ‘having to chase the guy you just punched’.”

  270. hogenmogen
    April 3rd, 2014 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    RMMD: All three glacial story lines coincide on one expository strip – and the combined thrill amounts to 0.000001 on the excite-o-meter. It would be a flat zero, but wow, nobody drinks coffee like the Morgans.

  271. hogenmogen
    April 3rd, 2014 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    Beetle: I’m not sure how much of this is intentional, or any at all. If it was intentional, today is the funniest BB in a decade, at least. Sarge panics when he realizes that this gun is aimed square at his balls and Chip knows how to install a keypad in the gun stock but can’t figure out in which direction it shoots.

  272. CanuckDownSouth
    April 3rd, 2014 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    MW: “Let me help you financially and emotionally” isn’t a good way to get a date, and this being Mary Worth-land, Wilbur is probably angling for more. By the end of that sandwich, he may have a shot at making it on America’s Lamest Wedding Proposals.

    Phantom: Because she will never check a calendar ever again, never restart her reporting quest, never run into someone who knew she was heading out of town with a guide… *headdesk* at least the speculation yesterday that they’d say she had a fever could allow for the lost time.

  273. Went Back In Time To Kill Marmaduke
    April 3rd, 2014 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Is this a Mary Worth strip with actual, intended subtext? Because it sure as hell sounds like Iris and Wilbur are only superficially talking about Tommy’s Epic Job Hunt while actually making the case for or against Iris becoming Wilbur’s EEEUURGGHHHH I can’t even finish that thought help help help

  274. the REAL Mark Trail
    April 3rd, 2014 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @Hank G. (#250): This story was indeed done by me… under Jack’s watchful eye. My name will appear on the strip Friday, April 11th.

  275. dougputhoff
    April 3rd, 2014 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft–Ed should should’ve built the feeder atop an aluminum pole. Aluminum has very high strength-to-weight ratio.

  276. Danny P
    April 4th, 2014 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    That police officer in Mark Trail today? An incredibly subtle Mark Wahlberg cameo. Enjoy.

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