Metapost: Comments of the week get all social network-y
OK, your comments of the week are coming shortly, but first, I do want to draw your attention to one particular comment:
“I wish Ted Confey was a bit less active on Facebook: ‘Ted is having dinner with a bunch of suckers’ ‘Ted is now engaged’ ‘Ted is taking out his checkbook’ … and so on.” –Frank Parsnip
“Ha ha,” you may have thought when you read it, “How very whimsical and droll, the idea that this anachronistic character in an anachronistic comic strip would be using a cutting-edge social networking site!” Well, the jokes on you! If you are a Facebook user, you can now add Ted to your Friends list, and cruise for desperate lonely doctors on the Fans of Santa Royale group. I am overjoyed to pass this information on to you, but I swear I am only the conduit of information — I created neither of these fine bits of Facebook awesome! (While you’re getting all Facebookish, though, why not join the Readers of the Comics Curmudgeon?)
Also! Faithful reader gnome de blog wants you to offer your expert opinion on the The Oregonian’s comics survey! I ask you to vote as your conscience dictates, knowing that this will result in a better outcome than if only the unwashed masses participated. Survey ends on 3/3, so act now!
Also also! Faithful reader Greg sent me this lovely Lichtensteinized version of Margo, which I share with all of you:
And now … this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK! You’ll see that Ted Confey has fully mastered the Internet: not only has he gotten on Facebook, but he’s apparently posting comments on this blog?
“Did I tell you about my dead wife Lydia who is dead? Whose death was in no way suspicious or under unusual circumstances? Did I tell you with the mood lighting?” –Ted Confey
And the runners up! Very funny!
“We’ve seen Mark’s magnificent fists o’ justice pummel a wide variety of things over the years (except girls, because Mark can’t stand the thought of touching them).” –Alan’s Addiction
“JP for the last four days: Randy: ‘So you’re back in town?’ April: ‘Like the way this dress shows off the curvature of my butt?’ Randy: ‘So what happened?’ April: ‘Are my big tits making you hot?’ Randy: ‘So, no more CIA?’ April: ‘I’ll take this dress off if you like.’ Randy: ‘So, did you get a new job?’ April: ‘DAMN IT! FUCK ME ALREADY!’” –SF_Reader
“Mark’s behavior here is no less than shocking. He actually says ‘Yeah’ instead of ‘Yes.’ By Lost Forest standards, that’s a profanity. Can’t believe he dropped a Y-bomb. What’s next? Chewing gum?” –Joe Blevins
“Wow. First I got to see Minnie Driver and Hilary Swank in person today, now the creator of Ziggy is coming to Ann Arbor! I think I died and went to purgatory.” –scruffylove
“So where do the Judge Parker ladies shop for clothes, anyway? Sherwin-Williams?” –blueberrygrrrl
“Happy memories of Santa Royale? I guess that means being an adult-faced kid and milling around at Charterstone pool parties … nestling in Chin-Beard’s big furry belly on a deck chair, all warm and safe…” –T. Chicana
“That peanut butter wasn’t chunky going down, was it, Jeffy.” –AeroSquid
“I think the only reason Adrian’s remark ‘Happy memories that will be expanded’ sounds so awkward is that she didn’t follow it up with ‘end communication’ as one would normally expect.” –Violet
“All the comments in today’s dramatic DT chase scene end with periods. Whereas most of the dialogue in MW’s boring dinner over the past few days have ended with exclamation points. Of course the DT comments are all from insane people muttering to themselves, but still.” –Poteet
“Back then, Santa Royale was a commune. The only free-standing structure was the co-op, where they sold hand-washed dill pickles and shampoo made from goat’s milk and ground-up pig’s hooves. Oh, how my hair shone. I lived in a lean-to with my mother Terra and my father Gallahad. We would bathe in a small pond shaped like the upper half of a walrus. We called it ‘Upper Half of a Walrus Pond’, but I don’t think the name stuck. There were these green and purple berries that grew in the wild. Whenever we ate them the sun seemed brighter, the grass seemed greener, and we could speak to each other telepathically. Oh how I miss those times. Imagine what it was like to come back here and find it all paved over and commercialized. It was like a small part of me died. That, on top of the death of my wife, has sent me into a spiral of despair that you can only imagine. I cannot wait to leave here and never return, but first, I want to bone your daughter.” –PoeWar
“Because that is what Dick Tracy is all about: Needless but entertaining violence, and lots of squinting.” –True Fable
“The Santa Royale fan club? Could that be the least interesting reveal in comics history? I’m now imagining an Internet where such websites actually exist. Wikipedia has been pared down to only U.S. History-related articles. There’s no porn, no YouTube — just Ask Jeeves, Tetris, a few pictures of baby animals, and fan club websites of beachside communities. And those websites are all on Geocities.” –rachel
“I think we all know that Ted is going to turn out to be a con artist or a murderer or something heinous, but Adrian is still doing better in the relationship department than her dad, whose girlfriend turned out to be Mary Worth.” –Whippersnapper
“I wish there was a iPhone app or Flash program or something titled ‘Too Soon?’ Then I could type in: ‘Jokes About Children Contracting Deadly Salmonella From Peanut Butter’ and it would say, ‘Nope, not too soon’ and then I could make a joke about Jeffy.” –Lettuce
“Will someone please introduce muted tones into Santa Royale, so that not every dinner table ends up looking like a ‘Hungry-Hungry Hippos’ board?” –teddytoad
“OH. NO! THAT’S BUCKY ASEXUALLY REPRODUCING HIMSELF!” –Dr. Robotnik
“The ‘fan club site’ was a last-ditch effort on the part of the Santa Royale Times-Post-Union-Chronicle to compete with Craigslist before being driven out of business completely, along with the rest of the newspaper industry. And like Craigslist itself, it quickly became overrun with desperate personals, gay sex ads, and financial scams, which is why it was the perfect meeting place for this nice young couple.” –BigTed
“Let’s see … Patty is married to Ken. She wants children but must settle for keeping a wild animal in the house. The one love in her life has been shot at by her husband. The only people she believes she can go to for help are Cherry and Mark Trail. Oh, did I mention she’s married to Ken? Given all that, expecting any other facial configuration other than ‘sustained, distorted rictus of horror’ would be unreasonable.” –buckyswife
“Dick Tracy has begun to speak exclusively in zen koans. ‘Tracy! Maud R. Err is making a getaway in that blimp!’ ‘Brew your tea in a bowl.’” –Abner Cadaver
“If Margo had been raised as the daughter of a housemaid, maybe she wouldn’t need Tommie to clean the damn apartment for her.” –seismic-2
“Hey Luann — Zits called, it wants its schtick back. Return to your boatloads of unresolved sexual ten … sion … um. Zits, can we talk time-share, maybe?” –Dragon of Life
“Yea … the reason this crown somehow got on my pet dog is that he takes himself too seriously … not that I’m in the middle of a fantasy of being married to a rich and suave dog-faced prince … DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!!!” –Ptychozoon
“Speaking of people being killed or mutilated, Dick Tracy once again proves that talking into a cellphone is more grotesque than any villain’s fiery death.” –Steve S
“‘My late wife Lydia was all I wanted to know about love’? In what universe is that a conversational sentence? But I do like its equivocal nature — ‘after her, no way was I going to return to the living hell of human emotions! Besides, kissing messes up my mustache!’” –Sister Sestina
“Dr. Jeff is just thrilled someone’s going to the trouble to con him out of his money, rather than brow-beating and humiliating him into submission, as he’s used to.” –late2theparty
“For the rest of the comic, Adrian and Mary are sitting across the table from one another, but their heads are awfully close in the first throwaway panel. I can only conclude that Mary has crawled across the table in order to tell Adrian what a blessing it is that she’s found an internet lover. *shudder*” –Patrick
“Killer’s toothbrush looks like it has about four bristles in it. C’mon, dude! You can’t be a playa with a mouthful of rotting stumps.” –Pozzo
“‘As for me, meeting Adrian made me believe I could live again!’ As I suspected, Ted is a zombie and will shortly be feasting on Adrian’s brains.” –TruthOfAngels
I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.
Sunny Paris
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:12 pm
It is so sad that Ted only has two Facebook friend. He used to have three. But then his wife died. Did you hear about his wife dying? He’s mentioned it a few times.
Sunny Paris
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Dang, I got first comment and misspelled friends!
Side note, Santa Royale now has six fans. And my home town of Westview… I mean South Euclid, Ohio has 667 members on its page. The sick thing is, is that by tomorrow, this piece-of-crap fictional town is totally going to have more fans than my not-quite-a-piece-of-crap real town!
Proving once again that the intertubes is Satan.
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Divison
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Congrats to the float riders!
The portrait of Margo above is pretty much why I will always prefer her to the biped grasshopper mutant Edda. Margo tries to cover the deep wounds in her soul with her armor of self centered, take no prisoners, what’s for dinner, housework demanding, head bobbling, scowling, snarling, finger pointing in your face brand of living as only she can.
Edda on the other hand prefers to mask her emptiness with her feral petulance, wild teeth baring eye bulging demonic flaying of other people’s psyches. She pretends to love but does it only to suck dry the souls of all she comes into contact with.
At least with Margo, what you see is what you get.
buckyswife
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Thanks, Josh, for putting me on the float! And thanks to all the clever folks for providing a well-written (and very funny!) break in an evening of Mediocre Freshman Prose (MFP)!
migellito
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 pm
congratulations all round! *waves hands for beads*
sugarpie
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Hilarious to review all the best of the week. Especially Bluberrygrrl, Rachel, Patrick, seismic, Poteet, Joe Blevins, and, and, and, well just everyone! Congratulations to all!
Dr. Robotnik
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Hey! I made it! And I thought some of my other comments were funnier. Shows how much I know.
Poteet
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Congratulations, Ted Confey! Too bad for you that COTW doesn’t pay well, buddy. And congratulations to you other funny float riders! I see that my float comment contains a grammatical error. I’d be more embarrassed if it weren’t about DT.
Muffaroo
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Well, darn, my one guess for who’d make the float was wrong, and now there’s a CC newbie out there standing forlornly in the new-fallen snow, disbelievingly repeating, “But… but Mister Muffaroo said…”
It’s a tough world, kid. It’s time you learned you can’t trust anybody. Not even the Old Man.
Which brings me to Ethan Noll. He thinks he has it made, but what nobody realizes is that his formula only works when it’s coupled with the amazing carb we saw recently in Gasoline Alley.
Also, there’s no Santa Claus. Deal with it, kids. Oh, and congratulations to you gloat… I mean, float riders. I swear, that was an honest typo! What, you don’t trust ol’ Muffaroo??
Tlachtga
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:09 pm
*Sigh* I actually had a dream last night that I had to move into Apartment 3-G. Naturally I was mortally terrified yet mystified by Margo. No joke.
/gotta get away from the computer…
Carly
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Ted Confey’s Facebook page killed my browser (just like he killed Lydia).
Cody
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
I put Ziggy #1, 2, and 3 on the survey. Go Ziggy!
Tlachtga
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
9CL: If Edda keeps making that face, she’ll end up like Ted Confey’s wife. At least I can hope.
Esther Blodgett
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Congrats to all the float riders! But really, thanks to Mary Worth for being so sublimely snarkworthy.
Charlie
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
In the Oregonian’s survey…please give Judge Parker at least one “favorite” vote. Then, maybe they will bring it back from the Classified ads. Burying Barreto’s work in the classified ads is just a waste.
Link: http://biz.oregonian.com/readerservices/?sec=11&tert=0
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Tlachtga, that is profoundly awesome.
As are this week’s CotW! (Nice transition! Thank you!)
Deena in OR
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:15 am
Dingo @ 170, yesteryesterthread…You’ve been a better introduction to my subculture than 5 seasons of QAF and L Word put together :-)
rachel
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:18 am
my significant other is more of a Huffington Post type, but he reads this blog occasionally and finds it amusing. that said, he won’t spare me his gentle mockery when it comes to my relatively newfound love of soap opera strips– after all, it’s not a terribly normal interest for someone my age. so i can’t wait for his reaction to my first COTW. personally, i am deeply humbled. :)
True Fable
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:20 am
Congrats to Ted Confrey on the COTW, and all the float riders!
w00t! Even I get to toss some trinkets! This is pretty damn cool.
Sarah
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:13 am
Damn it. Now I have to plaster on a fake smile to hide my seething bitterness from all my new Mary Worth Facebook “friends”. Thanks a lot.
Sister Sestina
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:14 am
I am not worthy! I am not worthy! But I don’t give a damn! Woo-hoo! Beads to the left of me, beads to the right, and a few flapjack frisbees sailing fore and aft for the sake of Shrovetide!
commodorejohn
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:25 am
#3 Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Division – Well said. Well said.
Quite a good crop this week, but Dr. Robotnik’s takes the cake. And that Lichtenstein version of Margo is a thing of beauty.
Crankenstank
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:26 am
Right, add Ted to my facebook friends list and find my bank account drained the next morning! Good try, old bean, I ain’t fallin’ for it.
BTW when are we going to have Metacomments of the Week?
Frank Parsnip
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:48 am
Congrats to the COTWeekers! If it weren’t for Ted Confey’s facebook site, I’d never have known where to go for the pool party!
MW: Something about Ted’s use of “Queenie” just smacks of the nicknames former president Bush used to give persons of his acquaintance. It’s like he uses the nicknames to avoid the embarrassment of calling his interchangeable fillies by the wrong name. Something that makes a lot of sense, given how most of the characters in this strip are drawn with only subtle differences in hair style and color.
Marvin: More fortune-cookyisms from Ming Ming is already making me wish for a return to the Belly Laffs format.
Sex Organ, M.D.: I think the old bat has no idea that “British Commonwealth” is somehow not synonymous with “excellent public health care standards.”
MT: The lack of viscera stuck to Bucky’s horns is a true disappointment.
A3G: Nobody wants the old ranch because Ken comes with it. Remove the silverback, and they’ll be back for their bananas.
Poteet
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:01 am
3/3 CRANKSHAFT — Ye gods, even Scarlett O’Hara had more sense about how to behave at a deathbed. The only intelligent Crankshaft mammal in the past two weeks has been Barney the cat. Mr. Batiuk, I’m about to throw something at you from this float, and it ain’t beads.
rachel
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:14 am
well, Ken ain’t dead. but hopefully his testicles jumped so far into his body that he’ll spend the rest of his life as a eunuch.
Baka Gaijin
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:20 am
How true, how true indeed. How did I miss this bon mot the first time around?
rachel
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:26 am
S-M: notice how MJ reaches for her lamp…in the middle of a blackout. DUH, girl.
True Fable
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:31 am
BB A hopelessly out-of-date comic strip is trying to be funny about things in Washington being out of date. Hope that update includes the Washington Post’ comic section.
Winky's Spleen
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 am
Frank Parsnip #24 – See, it’s funny when Ming Ming acts in a stereotypically Asian way ’cause she’s Asian. It’s just like Beetle Bailey’s Cpl. Yo (whatever happened to him – so ashamed at his ethnic debasement that he committed hara-kiri?).
True Fable
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:00 am
Oh Hai, I Haz Control Uv Mi Wife’s Comik Alexander has a date? Or a wife? Or another sister? It’s so hard to tell these days.
C’haft Geez, nothing is sacred anymore, not even the deathbeds of little old ladies.
(WT) DT Oh HELL no. I couldn’t stand B.O. Plenty 40 years ago, 30 years ago, or 20 years ago; now in keeping with that spirit, I still can’t stand him 10 seconds ago. I may sit this storyline out unless he’s next on Dick’s hit list.
Children of the Circle Bite down hard, PJ.
Funky Woggleberg “… because it would only encourage him to keep acting creepy.”
Scenes from Suburban Hell bats :[, if you will reverse Lois and Trixie’s dialogue I will love you forever, not that I don’t already.
Jugs Peephole Her fingers are working that glass like a… ugh, like a claw.
Luann You know, Elwood really doesn’t seem all that dreadful. Just because he is short (what’s so wrong about that? Huh? Huh?) and makes an occasionally crass comment, he’s treated Luann a hell of a lot better than the other people she knows. *coughBernicecough* What is her major damage, other than she’s Luann and therefore terminally stupid?
Fist O’ Justice Theater Well this is awkward. How is he supposed to Learn His Lesson if his injury is a perfect example of why deer should not be made into pets? Or are we supposed to be cheering because the cruel bastard got some kind of karmic justice blown back on him since Mark WayTooMellow Trail was going to give him a Get Out Of Punching Free card? Because I’m cheering, good and loud.
Meddling Heights “You know why I call you Queenie? Because you remind me of Dondi’s ugly little dog, that’s why.”
MC Good Wing Sauce and Roly Church of Crete, he’s right!! (…but I like our pet phrases.)
RMMW Good Lord, someone quarantined the back half of June’s skull!
Dr. Weird
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:51 am
24 Frank Parsnip –
Do you really want to see what the coloring gnomes would to do viscera? No, best that we keep it bloodless, lest we discover that Ken is a Romulan.
Mibbitmaker
March 3rd, 2009 at 4:36 am
3/3 (& 1/3):
MT: Contrary to what the narration said, Bucky looks like he wants to go at ol’ Ken another time. Do it, Bucky, do it!
9CL: Edda could get redemption yet. (Jeez, first I’m rooting for vigilante-like retribution, now it’s naive optimism! Not exactly batting .1000, am I?)
A3G: She may be a ridiculous dolt, but LuAnn knows ongoing passive-aggressiveness when she hears it (with that whole Margo-as-a-roommate thing and all). And morphing into the late Paul Newman isn’t helping, either, Ken.
BBlues: One reFOOB is already more than enough, JS.
Curtis: Well; Chewed up by dobermans, gored by a deer, run off an improbable cliff in a drunken stuper….
DT: I think B.O. might be D.O.A.
ReFOOB: You’re glimpsing your daughter’s future, John (gender-reversed, of course).
FW: …And you won’t hear that from any of us, either.
GA: I say, “Hey, Earl Lee Byrd, you’re supposed to be a villain in ‘Dick Tracy’. You’re in the wrong strip!”
GT: “But there’s contact — cha-cha-cha!”
Ghost-Who, Guidance Counsellor: “They seemed alittle bored at home, so I’m bringing them along on one of my little adventures… so they’ll be REALLY bored!”
gnome de blog
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
15 Charlie:
With the Chron doing JP in color, I’m at peace with JP in the Oregonian classifieds. Besides, the Big O comics czar has already declared there’s very little chance of restoring it to its rightful place.
Also, if I read JP in the Chron I don’t have to worry about my eye drifting over to Cathy.
Tiako
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I tried taking the survey. Really, I did. But when I have to put “Sally Forth” as my favorite comic, I can’t follow through. Where is Ink Pen, Lio, Get Fuzzy, or Monty?
Speaking of Get Fuzzy, Bucky is his usual bundle of unveiled mania today.
TruthOfAngels
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Now I can die happy. Before coming back as an undead and feasting on brains, obviously.
Dr. Robotnik
March 3rd, 2009 at 6:56 pm
#18 rachel
He reads the Huffington Post and he mocks YOU!? Clearly you have him at a disadvantage. He just doesn’t know it yet.
robert
March 4th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Redtube