And baby makes three HELL ON EARTH
Mark Trail, 3/9/09
You know, I was really hoping that Mark would smugly return to his forest home today, so we could get started on the next storyline about poachers or whatever, and perhaps we could begin to forget the retrograde horror that has been the Ken and Patti plotline. But instead, things are getting even worse. Previously, Patti said something about not being able to have a baby, which I assumed meant that her womb had been blighted by the Lord in punishment for her occasionally having negative thoughts about the way her husband slapped her around; today, though, we learn that Ken has apparently been withholding his man-essence from her, but has now decided that it’s time he began reproducing himself. So, in an attempt to provide some sort of balanced view, let me just say this: BABIES DO NOT SOLVE MARITAL PROBLEMS. THEY EXACERBATE THEM. But unless the “tests” our nurse is about to run include a surreptitious vasectomy, it’s probably too late for our doomed couple.
Cleats, 3/9/09
Oh, look, Cleats is taking a break from its kid-friendly sports humor to introduce yet another terrifying demon-thing. Pray to God that it doesn’t turn around tomorrow, showing us the front of its grotesque, unnatural head.
Judge Parker, 3/9/09
“Interesting? Not really … wait, this is Judge Parker. ‘Interesting’ is code for ‘offering an opportunity for a hot lady to show off her breasts.’ So, yeah, I guess that is kind of interesting.”
Slylock Fox, 3/9/09
Koppy Kat’s bust made big headlines, but as a first-time offender, he was able to plea-bargain his sentence down to 18 months in minimum security, thanks to his agreement to discreetly help local museums determine which of their pieces were forgeries. (There were more than you’d think, and not all of them came out of Koppy’s workshop.) To the surprise of everyone, the experience scared him straight; upon his release, he embarked on a career as an art consultant, supplementing his income by churning out “Six Differences” puzzles. But that day’s bust had a just as big an effect on someone else: Max Mouse. As soon as he laid eyes on that unsettling psychedelic drawing of Mickey with one eye and one ear, he realized just how limited his worldview was, and he was immediately seized by a need to expand his consciousness however he could. Six months later, he had changed his name to “Maximum Spirit Voyager,” was living in a commune in New Mexico, and had taken more peyote than most doctors would have believed survivable.
Peter Hillock
March 9th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I’m pretty sure Elrod is doing this on purpose just to bait everyone here. He and his author probably have a drinking game going based on every cussword they inspire (which would also explain the 2-dimensional head-on-pillow artwork).
sully
March 9th, 2009 at 11:29 am
It appears Canada’s biggest paper, the Toronto Star has dumped Get Fuzzy for some other strip about ducks. Who says there’s never any good news?
Aging Hipster
March 9th, 2009 at 11:32 am
A baby!? I had been reading the deer-induced disembowling as some sort of metaphoric castration. But I guess you can still have babies if you are only metaphorically castrated.
I think the two important points here are that Ken is apologizing and showing an interest in talking about his feelings. Will this Sunday’s strip be a PSA about spousal abuse?
Dingo
March 9th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Wha? Josh! You didn’t make mention of the nurse’s hand! What exactly is going on between that nurse and Mark Trail?
DamienBixlan
March 9th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Take notice of number 10’s look: he is indeed terrified by his teammate grotesque, unnatural head. And also wondering if he’s going to be devoured post-game by his grotesque, unnatural mouth. The victory, of course, will not be due to that expected header goal, but rather to the other team fleeing in terror.
Harold
March 9th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I believe the tests are to confirm that the two of them have contracted Winkerbean’s Disease from being in close proximity to a highly radioactive mutant deer. They will be dead within six months, taking their gene lines with them.
The still life that Koppy Kat is duplicating is far beyond any of the oxygen-deprived crap that Lu Ann managed to put out, even with the aid of the ghost of Albert Pinkham Ryder. And that one-eyed, one-eared Mickey Mouse is surprisingly disturbing.
SecretMargo
March 9th, 2009 at 11:39 am
4: A “surreptitious vasectomy,” perhaps?
Nekrotzar
March 9th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I don’t think Patti has any intention of allowing Ken to reproduce himself, even if he could. It’s no coincidence that MT shows up at exactly this point in the conversation.
And (pace Dingo), the nurse is just doing her part to get that jar filled expeditiously.
ratnerstar
March 9th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Who can explain it,
Who can tell you why
Fools give you reasons,
Wise men never try
Sam and Randy evening….
Ignatz
March 9th, 2009 at 11:43 am
MT: As long as the baby is old enough to talk back.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2009 at 11:47 am
I’m still waiting for the full-frontal shot of Abbey’s topless dress.
And #9, Ratnerstar, where’s Janet?
Dagger
March 9th, 2009 at 11:47 am
The kid in Cleats may have hydrocephalus, a condition involving the accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid in the skull. The increased intracranial pressure can cause a number of problems, including an enlarged head, balance problems, nausea, slower heart and respiratory rate, etc. So he probably stays in that one spot for the entire game, having somehow been convinced by the coach that despite the brain trauma it’s a good idea to have soccer balls kicked at his head as often as possible.
Canaduck
March 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Oh my goodness, that nurse is almost up to her elbow in Mark’s pants! What the hell were they even trying to portray there??
fancycwabs
March 9th, 2009 at 11:55 am
“‘I heard the CIA job didn’t pan out, so she moved back here!’ ‘That’s what she said!’” has to be the worst construction of the “That’s what she said” joke in recorded history.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Oops, post-jumped!
A3G – Hah, you people and your random innuendos! Margo doesn’t want the pizza boy for “sausage,” she just needed someone to order around, since Lu Ann was in South Dakota and Tommie was at work. “Starving” is an interesting metaphor for her drive to dominate others, but Margo’s just that kind of person.
AS – Note to Hillburn: it was far, far funnier trying to figure out whether that was the obvious “rabbi from a hat” or just some Amish guy (as the hat would seem to indicate) than it was reading the actual joke. Needs work, but at least you had something funny today.
BBlue – *insert furry joke here*
Blondie – You know, the joke was okay, but the thing that really charmed me about today’s Blondie was the use of Chicago (a.k.a. the old Mac OS font) for the dialog text.
Crankshaft – And in a final cruel twist of fate, here comes ol’ Eugene to really drive the bitterness home. Ha ha ha! (On a side note, this is like one of those sitcom funerals where they just drag in the whole cast – what are Crankshaft’s yuppie neighbors doing there? Did they even know Lucy?)
Curtis – You know, this would just be another typical appearance of Derrick and “Onion,” (brief aside: if the quotes are part of his actual name, does the comma go inside? Discuss,) with the confoundingly dumb insults and vague threats of violence never acted upon, if it weren’t for panel three. But with this panel, where they are silhouetted in awkward, contorted poses and emitting noises like “BRAYY” and “HEE HAW,” recalls the horrible, horrible transformation sequence from that
twisted, nightmare-inducingbeloved, time-honored children’s classic Disney’s Pinocchio: Collodi? Never Heard Of Him quite strongly. Is this intentional, or merely coincidence? More importantly, does it mean that this is the last we’ll see of Derrick and “Onion” before theabominable Satanic soul-chillingmoderately disconcerting yet charming and whimsical coachman drags them off toa horrible life of castration, involuntary servitude, and eventual deatha doubtless Willy Wonka-esque off-screen restoration after which they Learn Their Lesson? Who can say? But whatever the case, it brings the strip to levels of disturbing not seen since that one time Curtis was coming on to the Thanksgiving turkey. (Disclaimer: DISNEY IS FUN AND WHIMSY AND CHILDHOOD WONDER™ AND ANY MEMORIES OF PAST TRAUMA FROM DISNEY PRODUCT ENTITIES ARE CLEARLY COMMUNIST LIES.)DTM – There is no way that isn’t intentional.
DT – “Sunny Dell Acres V?” What happened to the other four? Did Dick burn them down in the process of apprehending dangerous senior citizens?
FC – “We’re gonna get flossbite!”
FW – gleeb beat me to the punch, and I couldn’t best his comment, so I’ll just point out that he’s fantasizing Summer in a sort of slightly punk/goth-tinged look (note the eye shadow and black lipstick.) Classy, but in Westview adopting this kind of look just means you’re one step closer to cutting than everyone else.
GA – So I wonder how Famous Big Band Musician I Don’t Recognize feels about being portrayed as obese and gluttonous? God, if you pasted in Slim’s head in that last panel, you seriously wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
GT – So, obviously the theme here is that Urkel and his Romulan wife are FOOB-caliber control freaks (though, thankfully, minus the passive aggression/mind control) who absolutely must ensure some absurdly strict standard of moral purity/financial solvency/what the hell ever for their children’s potential significant others. And, obviously, Gil is somehow going to have a hand in getting them to unclench their sphincters and leave their children in the capable hands of the Milford athletics department. All that remains is to see how that happens; let’s hope it involves putting out a hit on somebody.
JP – Forget Sam having a moment with Randy, how about Sam having a randy moment? When was the last time that happened? Ask Abbey; she probably marks these things on the calendar.
Love Is… – remembering that she’s the one who created the comic strip in which you’re being depicted out in the snow, bareass naked.
Luann – Why do the deGroots let him around their daughter? Really, more generally, why are they less protective of her than they are of Brad? Is it because he’s the one in greater peril of getting laid?
MT – Wow. This is such a stupid resolution it’s making the world blur into incoherence in panel three. Ken looks like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
Marmaduke – Brad Andersen is insane, and Paul is just smiling and nodding.
MW – OH MY GOD MARY’S BLACK SOULLESS EYES
OBH – I know exactly how you feel, Ruthie.
Phantom – You know, as long as you’ve got Zelda-style sages who telepathically communicate with lizard men, why bother with stuff like “Bandar medicine?” Why not just go all Silver Age-y and have the Ghost-Who-Chitchats use super-kisses that selctively wipe people’s memories of Whispering Grove?
PC – Opie? From The Andy Griffith Show? In a giant robot suit? And this is apparently a recurring thing? Man, with stuff like this and the manga hole, why does Prickly City even bother with politics?
Popeye – Ha ha! Exploding babies!
SFx – Find the six differences between today’s Slylock Fox and a Six Differences strip!
SM – Spider-Man adopts the Mary Worth format of two-panel dailies, presumably to emphasize the comparable pacing of the two strips’ non-events.
seismic-2
March 9th, 2009 at 11:57 am
9CL: I am trying to compute the odds that an American concert violinist on a tour of Euope takes days off to attend concerts by local symphony orchestras, even if she’s not playing with them. Unfortunately, that computation failed, because my computer cannot handle numbers that small.
“Pluggers jump-start their day with a hot cup of coffee and the morning paper.” Pluggers take a dump, take a shower, eat breakfast and go to work. Pluggers come home, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to bed. Those wacky, wacky Pluggers!!!!
MT: “As soon as I work out some of my business problems…” Isn’t that what he’s been trying to do, all this time? Why does he expect things to turn around now, with the economy getting even worse? Ken, now you have to pay for a hospital stay as well, so you’ll be wiped out. So sure, having a baby is the obvious answer. What do you want to bet it’s a girl, and Patty names her “Fawn”?
A3G: I thought the comma in Margo’s word balloon in panel 1 was merely a strand of her hair. By omitting that comma, the entire dialog of the strip takes on a new meaning, and one that is perhaps more nearly appropriate for Margo’s true nature. The pizza boy will never be seen again.
Crank: Well, at least this whole depressing story line has a happy ending. Eugene will drive away in glee, thinking “Revenge is mine! I waited almost 70 years for it, but I finally lived to see you laid in your grave, you heartless bitch!!!”
FC: Today we see the melonheads stage their own Iditarod. Then tomorrow we shall be back to their usually Idiotarod, unfortunately.
ratnerstar
March 9th, 2009 at 11:58 am
#13 – Certainly it’s possible that Elrod is trying to portray the nurse giving Mark a handjob. But I’d like to propose an alternative view: perhaps the nurse is missing her left arm and Mark’s massive penis is protruding from his pants to fill up her normally empty shirt-sleeve.
Obviously, this interpretation has little to recommend it, except for the fact that I just made you think about Mark’s massive penis.
Eric the baker
March 9th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Slylock Fox: I’m disturbed by the fact that it seems that Koppy Kat has been caught in Count Weirdly’s castle. Take a look at the skull just above the door, and the spider dangling from the ceiling. Obviously Koppy is not forging art of his own accord. He’s being funded by the Count for his own neferious ends.
kalki
March 9th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
re Crank: If that is Eugene, what are the odds that Lillian will assure herself a prime seat in Hell by seducing him on top of Lucy’s coffin?
Rusty
March 9th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
MT: You know your health is in danger when they bring a nurse back from 1949 to run some tests.
Cleats: One of the Family Circus kids makes the travel team.
Sequitur
March 9th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
#2 Sully. – That doesn’t surprise me. Get Fuzzy is not very Canada friendly. Hmm, come to think of it, it’s not very humor friendly anymore.
Gal Friday
March 9th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
JP: I like how Sam and Randy are slumped in exhaustion after the party! Because so (not) much happened!
Natalie
March 9th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
This MT storyline is obviously a result of Elrod trying to keep up with the times. He’s working his way through the last 50 years chronologically, and therefore has just read the 1963 bestseller Fascinating Womanhood.
Daveyk
March 9th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
In Dagwood’s world, passwords have to be unique.
See, this is what happens when octogenarian zombie comics syndicates attempt to discuss anything that happened since the Truman Administration.
Chyron HR
March 9th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Yes feat. Vangelis presents a new journey into the astral plane: “Maximum Spirit Voyager”! Available on vinyl and 8-track.
Squeak
March 9th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
“I have to run some tests, and you have a visitor.”
In most hospitals, a nurse makes visitors leave the room when testing takes place,
Lettuce
March 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Oh, Josh, have you learned nothing from Hi and Lois, Marvin, For Better or for Worse and, to a lesser extent, Dennis the Menace?
CHILDREN SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS.
Hi-lariously.
Best of luck to you, Ken and Patty. If a little bit of antler goring (and subsequent loss of 3/4 of intestine and a life-time of colostomy treatments) is what it takes to keep Deer-Murderers and Deer-Fuckers together, God Bless us All.
Patty and Ken: Here’s to your future horrible half-ungulate, half sapien spawn. May it be the glue that keeps your abusive forest home together forever — or at least in shamed silence that none shall ever speak of or illustrate again.
blammers66
March 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Batuik’s final evaluation for his Comics 101 class: “Plotlines tend to be morbid; character development stilted; unfortunate regurgitation of themes; however, casket drawing is exquisite! If you could make your living on drawing caskets or, perhaps funeral scenes, you’ll be golden!”
The Modesto Kid
March 9th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
What does Sam (or Randy? I can never get those two straight…) mean by “That’s what she said”? — Is he trying to turn the story of April’s involvement with the CIA into some kind of sexual innuendo joke?
McManx
March 9th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
MT — The nurse announces she needs to run some tests, AND there is a visitor? Good God, she’s letting Mark help with the procedure…. maybe Ken’s getting the “Colonoscopy o’ justice”!
And to all, yes it does look as if the nurse has a hand in Mark’s pants. Maybe she is leading him into the room by his manhood in some sort of a grotesque show and tell for Ken and Patty’s babymaking training.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
March 9th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
re #16:
If she knew Amos or had heard of him, she might well use her time off to go have a listen. A lot of young people who are professional classical-type musicians have NO hobbies at all and just do music.
Of course, you can TELL yourself that you do other things. You don’t just perform, you go hear symphonies. And sometimes, you play more popular sorts of music. And if you really feel like chilling out, you play a different instrument which you’re not as good at. Or sometimes, if you just want to use your head a bit, you write some music or lyrics.
And then when you hit a brick wall in your 30’s, well, you could start writing comments on blogs about comics . . .
GameDrain
March 9th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
As the morphine kicks into overdrive, Ken begins to see Patti as much more manly than he had in the previous strip, as her jaw becomes squarer, and her lipstick fades away. Wait, what? Now I’m talking about having children? Hoo… this stuff is strong…
Alan's Addiction
March 9th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I think that Mark Trail just took a turn for the awesome. For those of you who doubt, I have just two words: baby punching. I realize that it’s not going to happen, but I need to believe this to keep from curling into the fetal position and whimpering at how lame this storyline is.
Today’s Cleats also reminds us all about how awesome it is to score cheap shots at those with hydrocephalus (or who just happen to look like Charlie Brown).
I’m also starting to think that all the male characters in Judge Parker are gay. Let’s think about what any straight man would be doing in a JP strip (well, after recovering from being reduced to a happily gibbering, drooling idiot by all the breasts). Now, let’s ponder the actions of the male JP cast: they run and flee all female company, in favor of… male company. Even Mark Trail is straighter than that – he’s actually frequently in the same panel as women.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
#25 Chyron HR – I would so buy that.
Esther Blodgett
March 9th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
MT – “Sorry, folks, I need to run some tests. And you have a visitor. And, whoo-boy, is he hung!”
Black Drazon
March 9th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
There’s still hope! There’s hope that tomorrow Mark will walk into the hospital room and immediately attack both Patty and her recuperating husband, shouting all the problems with their anachronistic, misogynistic, additional-problems-from-the-fifties-istic marital “solutions” and proving that Mark Trail is not a legacy comics-page relic relic! Or he could be here to tell us that Bucky will be back on his feet in no time, showing a pretty piss-poor understanding of bullet wounds. Either/or.
CanuckDownSouth
March 9th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hah! Despite Pluggers‘ best efforts to find mannerisms so common that everyone, no matter age or socio-economic status, is absorbed, Borg-like, into the Pluggers collective, they have finally established that there is one segment of the population that can never be a Plugger: Mormons.
Lettuce
March 9th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME:
A3G:
The Margo and Tommie and Pizza Guy 3-Way:
Margo: “Is that the sausage pizza I ordered?”
Pizza Guy: “You’re hurting me.”
Tommie: “Why are Pizza Boxes square when Pizza is round?”
Spiderman
Electro Meets the Mayor
Electro: Nothin’s gonna keep me from the Mayor.
Mayor Bloomberg: How can I help you?
Electro: So, is it true you are dating former New York state banking superintendent Diana Taylor?
Bloomberg: Yes.
Electro: I KNEW it! (leaves)
Mysterious man watching funeral from afar: “Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says “Treatment is simple. Read Crankshaft.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But, doctor…I am Crankshaft.” Doctor shoots him. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.”
Phantom:
What happens Next, According to Mozz:
Crocco 1: Delicious human flesh!
Crocco 2: The little ones taste best!
Mozz: Is that the sausage I ordered?
Lettuce
March 9th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
ARGH: Pretend I put a Crankshaft above that little Crankshaft/Watchment joke there.
P.S. Josh — you going to link to PVP’s hilarious take on the Watchmen and legacy strips? Brilliant.
These Strange Worlds
March 9th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Dagwood
Wha? WTF? I call shenanigans. You may get messages telling you that your favorite user name is taken (Thus, even though I’ve been logging on since the late Eighties, I still can’t be either “Donald Batman” or “Texas Gandalf.”
But you’d never get a message telling you that your favorite password is taken.
Sheese. That would be a major ‘klew’ for a hacker. Just start logging into Dithers.com as everyone until you found the other sandwichophile and got instance access.
Once again its clear that the autor has heard about “computers” but never actually used one.
queek
March 9th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
TrueFable, you need to talk to these people:
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-payment-fail.jpg
RwO was a truly atrocious pun today, I couldn’t figure out if I should be booing or laughing.
FREE FRAZZ!: was beyond wonderful today. Yet another example of just how clever a strip this is.
Other than that, I got nuthin’.
Spunky N. Tadpole
March 9th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Actually, it looks as if the one-eared portait of “Mickey” that seems to horrify Max Mouse so much does have two eyes: they are just arranged vertically – like “Gunk” from Curtis ; only nowhere near as annoying.
And anyway, given that this “valuable painting” looks like the sort of art-by–the-yard dreck shown at Eric Mills’ gallery in A3G why did Koppy Kat have to steal it (and, inevitably, get Slylock called in) in the first place? Wouldn’t it have been easier just to paint a forgery first, and then substitute it? – given the apparent level of art conoisseurship in Slylockville, it probably would have gone unnoticed for decades.
Sloppy, sloppy, Koppy: you should have consulted with your cousin Cassandra – now she knows how to pull off a scam….
Patrick
March 9th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
“I didn’t get a chance to say hello!” “She had to get to bed!” “I hear the job didn’t pan out!” “That’s what she said!” “Hope she used an exclamation point!” “Of course she did! She wasn’t asking a question!” “I’m getting tired!” “You don’t have to shout!” “I’m not shouting, goddammit!”
Lettuce
March 9th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
By the way, Elrood — nurses haven’t worn caps that like since the 50s, or at least since they were allowed to wear pants and vote. They also don’t wear white uniforms.
Now, today’s strip may be part of some strange Elroodian blue fantasy, in which we’ll see the nurse is also wearing fishnets in order to entice Mark. Actual fish nets. With fish in them.
And then it will all be OK.
UncleJeff
March 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
MT: I think the visitor is going to be Andy the Wonderdog. He’s apparently got open visitation privileges at the hospital and seems to be the only one in the strip with any sense.
MaryAnnTheRest
March 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
#18: Actually you can tell this is Koppy Kat’s studio by the wonderfully drawn artist’s figure next to the skull. (Not being sarcastic. I thought that was an awesome touch of incidental art.) I think the spider and skull just sort of follow Slylock around, waiting to take Max’s place.
UncleJeff
March 9th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
JP – I like to think that April of the CIA is our own dear “Apewil” from FOOB — all growed-up and on her (man-hunting) own.
AMSTERDANG
March 9th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I’m not a doctor, but it appears that Bucky’s headbutt managed to dislodge the large bug that had been stuck up Ken’s ass.
scott
March 9th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Cleats-Along with ESPN, they are seriously trying to get god fearing ‘Mericans to pay any attention to soccer. Can one world guv’mint be far behind?
Crankshaft-Jesus Christ, is there any function that demands that Crankshaft not wear his old greasy truckers hat to? That must be his formal truckers hat. BTW, Eugene just showed up for some bounce back sex with Lucille after the funeral.
Poteet
March 9th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
MT — Thank you, Mudges who pointed out the arm/crotch situation in the last panel. After staring at it, I may join Maximum Spirit Voyager in that commune.
Lettuce
March 9th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
JP:
“I heard the CIA job didn’t pan out so she moved back here.”
“That’s what SHE said!”
“Oooh snap!”
“Yeah, I totally PWNed you.”
“No argument here.”
“Yuppers.”
“Alright, let’s go back upstairs and finish that blowjob.”
“That’s what SHE said!”
“No she didn’t. Don’t be disgusting.”
“Sorry.”
sally
March 9th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
MT — Keeping in mind that MT is never, ever, intended to be funny and is a “comic” only in the sense that it uses drawn characters to impart its Very Important Messages, I guess Elrod was trying in his clunky stuck-in-the-fiftes way to impart that you Really Shouldn’t Take Your Work Frustrations Out On Your Wife. He actually got it right with Patty’s “it’s all my fault” reaction — battered women often do think they brought it on themselves. Of course, absent therapy, there’s no chance Ken’s conversion will last, so we can look forward to a future installment of You Shouldn’t Take Your Continuing Work Frustrations Out On Your Child.
The only funny here is that we were able to see this “happy” ending a mile away based solely on the fact that Ken lacks facial hair.
“What do you want to bet it’s a girl, and Patty names her “Fawn”?”
Oh, and I wish I’d thought of that!!!
Sister Sestina
March 9th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
“I heard the CIA job didn’t pan out so she moved back here.”
“That’s what she said. Interesting, huh?”
Ladies and gentlemen, if I overheard that exchange I wouldn’t be dissing the use of the word “interesting” or trying to deconstruct lame sexual jokes. I’d be grateful I was tipped off to her cover story and erasing my paper trail as fast as I could!
Nurse with a penis
March 9th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
MT – as a nurse, I don’t think I’ve ever barged in a room and uttered the phrase “Sorry, folks, I need to run some tests……”. Actually I’ve said, “I’m going to draw some blood so THE LAB can run some tests that the physician has ordered.” Additionally, Even though they are an icon, nurses who wear nurse’s caps while working are extremely rare. Few female nurses wear a dress as a uniform……And at my hospital, it is rare that a nurse would be a white chick. What drives me insane about most health care workers in the comics: WHERE ARE THEIR STETHOSCOPES?!
150
March 9th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Maybe the computer is just reminding Dagwood that all-alpha passwords are inherently weak. Or maybe the comics writer has never set a password. One of the two.
I still can’t believe the level of ire I’m getting from Mark Trail. Even the nurse’s hand down Mark’s pants isn’t making this better. I demand Bucky to leap in through the hospital window and finish the job.
Little Guy
March 9th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
MT: The only resolution I will accept is if Mark reams Ken a new one over using his financial problems as a crutch for his spousal abuse. Granted, this would come out from the outskirts of Whatthefuck, AR, considering his touchy-feeling “he’s only angry because of the economy” musings at the Forestry Service.
What I anticipate is Mark getting Ken a job, which will alleviate any anger management issues that may have come across. Yay, Unrealistic Happy Ending!
tk
March 9th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
TJ is Italian. That must be why he’s so swarthy. The mob is involved in this somehow …
kingklash
March 9th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
“Not only didn’t the CIA job pan out, she wasn’t even involved in any way with the South American drug lord found chopped up and placed in a cooler on the shore of that farm pond.”
“That is also interesting. Excuse me, I have to call my connec—, I mean, my bookie! Yeah, my bookie….”
Sequitur
March 9th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
#57 tk
Shhh! Not so loud.
Marthas Rolling Pin
March 9th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
#20 and #44, we should be happy that the nurse is working again. She hasn’t had a gig since the end of TDIET.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
9CL – Huh, huh. Amos is hoping for a Hahn job.
BBailey – I presume that this quantity of chocolate bars won’t go bad before Orville snorks them down.
Cshaft – I know this scene! Moloch leaves flowers on the grave, and he’s followed by the religious nut with the sign. (I thought Matt Frewer was a good Moloch.)
DTracy – Yay! Zapper! That’s the slot machine where the handle is wired with 120 volts, and if you let go before it stops spinning, you lose everything. And it spins, like, forever!
FWbean – “Young man, I’ll thank you to stay out of my #@&^ fantasy life.”
GFuzzy – Bucky’s confused because on the label it says “No Future.”
GThorp – This is cutting-edge stuff because the prejudice here is being shown by people who very well might belong to some ethnic group! The eye-ron-ee! ‘Cuz, see, they’re not supposed to be allowed to do that.
HtHorrible – “Give my best to the Queen,” “We mean, it, Man!”
MFmore – It’s funny because he added the word “left” to the Bush-GOP motto.
Marfield – Marvin’s working on that look. The incontinent little bastard is thinking of trying to edge the duck out of his own strip.
NSeq – What rough Beast, its hour come at last, shambles toward Whatchacallit to be born?
Pluggers – Pluggers just need a little Thorazine
PCity – Ah, clever. He’s found a way to use this joke when it’s not even Halloween.
SFox – Ha! Gary Hallgren has signed this one with the mono-Mickey! It’s on the signage at his studio in Holyoke, and I think it’s on his business cards as well. I wish there was more money in drawing underground comics, because he was one of my favorites — a brilliant stylist.
Zits – Yeah, that’s how it works here, too. Heh. Good one.
Calico
March 9th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
#52 – Or possibly name her “Bambi.”
Ow. I know, that hurt.
Dragon of Life
March 9th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Wait, Slylock got a warrant? This would be the most legal procedure he’s ever followed, if not for the fact that he has no actual authority to serve said warrant. His entire arrest scheme probably hinges on Koppy Kat being functionally illiterate, or at least the fox flashing that piece of paper too fast for Koppy to see that the “judge” signing it doesn’t have a species name that begins with J, and thus cannot exist in the Slyfox world.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Shave Ezra @y111 – “Shoe hurled at Ahmadinejad in Iranian city” …I couldn’t help think of some anthropomorphic bird being tossed. No, it’s some anthropomorphic bird tossing his cookies at a head of state. They just didn’t have room for “cookies” in the headline.
Winky’s Spleen @y134 – Apparently, Geronimo’s descendants launched a lawsuit against Skull & Bones for having (or claiming to have) the famous leader’s skull in their headquarters. It happened in the news back in February, at about the time you’d expect given syndicate lag time. That said, the actual joke was about the reporter.
commodorejohn @y134 & t15 – Credit where due: I think the transformation scene in Disney’s Pinocchio is one of the best horror scenes made. Restrained by modern standards, yet effective as hell. Hell, hell, hell. Oh, sorry. Wandered off, there.
seismic-2 @16 – Mary Worth will do a guest shot in A3G as The Old Witch to explain directly to the readers: “He’s a REAL ‘pizza boy’ now, readers! Eh… eh… eh… eh! Pleasant SCREAMS, readers!”
Black Drazon @36 – As long as we’re hoping for unlikely outcomes in Mark Trail, why not just have him give Patty and Ken both a good spanking! That’ll bring them to their senses in jig time, and make them good parents, too.
Lettuce @38 – Ha! Your Crankshaft comment differs from mine in Really Important Ways, so I went with mine anyway. But yours made me laugh out loud.
Joe the Plugger
March 9th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Blondie: It’s official. Mac computers are no longer cool.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
#64 Muffaroo – Hell is right. Yeah, it is a very effective horror piece, it’s just that what with all the CHARMING WHIMSY and NOSTALGIC WARMTH the company associates itself with (by means of space rays bounced off satellites and into our brains) it’s made even worse by being so jarring.
AMC
March 9th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Rex Morgan – “You’re pale, doctor! How are you feeling?”
Sweating Doc: “Like some little Panamanian kid is running around and shitting Norwalk virus infested feces into my food and drinking water.”
Patrick
March 9th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I guess being gored by a deer is the new thing in fertility treatments. I hear that’s what worked so well for John & Kate Gosselin.
soslight
March 9th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Worst “That’s what she said” joke ever!
I’m guessing that Patti’s inability to conceive has something to do with her occasional morphing into Patrick the trans-man, as depicted in the third panel. Jack Elrod isn’t really playing to his strengths here, since giant crabs and eagles are so woefully out of place inside hospitals. Well. Eagles are out of place, anyway.
Bootsy
March 9th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
JP: My first thought was that April is, of course, still in the CIA. My second thought was, I wonder what’s for lunch? Then I wandered around for a little while thinking about bears and how it would be nice to see one again in Mark Trail.
JP Patches
March 9th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
JP: Looks like Sam and Randy switched places on the staircase between panels 1 and 2? Oh well, who needs continuity when you can’t tell the guys apart anyway…
redlikerubies
March 9th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Okay, it’s teacher here:
Today Luann was supposed to research wine for her high school project. Um, usually I avoid assigning homework that involves investigating substances my students cannot purchase legally. Here kids, diagram how to make a meth lab out of household equipment and items easily acquired at Home Depot. Spelling and handwriting counts!
Joe Blevins
March 9th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
MT: Relax. There will be no addition to this family unless Patti decides to “adopt” a moose or something. The key phrase here is: “As soon as I work out some of my business problems.” Ken will never “work” anything “out,” least of all his “business problems.” Threat of procreation: Minimal to None.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Slylock’s official-looking “Warrant”, when examined more closely, consists of nothing more than the lyrics to “Cherry Pie” transcribed in a clumsy scrawl with crude, cringe-inducing illustrations to match. That’s the only explanation I can imagine for the expression on Koppy’s face.
Toronto
March 9th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Calico@62: But Bambi is a guy’s name.
fluffy
March 9th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
For what it’s worth, the documentary “Who the #$&% Is Jackson Pollock?” has a former art forger who does consult on determining whether paintings are fakes or not.
Mal
March 9th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Here’s hoping the post title is referencing the appropriately creepy Theodore Sturgeon short story, instead of the more likely Hollywood comedy….
Digger
March 9th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
When they run a Judge Parker strip with no cleavage in it, they leave us with no reason to read Judge Parker.
I didn’t even have to read all of Slylock Fox before I guessed the solution would be “the paint is still wet.” Seriously, could they inject a little variety into these? The answer is almost always something like “the paint is still wet” or “the mud is still on the boots” or “the poop still smells bad.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
❤ Ted Sturgeon ❤
True Fable
March 9th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
# 41 queek – I will! I will take all payments in goats. I accept the big bucks, a little doe and plenty of kids for change!
Those folks will be sorry. Pretty soon bartering will be practical and then who have goats will be wealthy indeed.
“Wow, that ring must have set you back a bundle!”
“Yep, I paid ten goats for it.”
“Holy shit, it must be love!”
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
#80 True Fable – I hear the other day Ted Confey cut his future father-in-law a check for two whole kilogoats!
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Today, H&J again advanced the frontline in its avant-garde war on specificity. Concrete nouns such as ‘head’ can no longer exist simultaneously in both the textual and graphical layers of the comic; as soon as it is mentioned, it is wrathfully blacked out with slashing pen strokes. I admit I am a little frightened of where this intense psychovoyage may ultimately lead but I can not do other than follow its every harrowing turn as it descends to the brink of madness and illumination.
(Also: Wimmen! Amirite?!)
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
March 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
72 — redlikerubies —
Um, usually I avoid assigning homework that involves investigating substances my students cannot purchase legally.
I had teachers that would go out of their way to assign this type of homework (extra credit if you brought in samples).
Seriously, though… in college I had a guest lecturer (an assistant DA from City/County of Denver) who would not let us out of the classroom until we could recite the process for producing marijuana. His thought was that we shouldn’t advocate banning something unless we understood the entire process. Of course, I ended up getting thrown out of class the next week when the anti-nuke dude showed up and I told him that he shouldn’t advocate banning weapons unless he could describe the P-239 recovery process to me.
Yea, I got my tuition money’s worth of fun THAT semester.
Malethoth K.
March 9th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Jesus Christ, ANOTHER Herb & Jamaal rerun today.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Marmaduke reminds me of this beloved piece of animation. I say “reminds me of” but I guess I mean “is so painfully bad that my brain forcibly slides off it and escapes to this loosely-related thing instead”. (The relevant bit is from 4:00 forward, if the link doesn’t jump to that point automatically).
Donald the Anarchist
March 9th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
MT So her mouth was saying, “Please don’t hit me” but her eyes were saying, “Plant your seed in me.” No wonder poor Ken got confused. Seriously, any politician who spewed this misogynistic bile would be hung three ways from Sunday. Don’t any of the newspapers that run this shit have employees whose job it is to ask questions like: What the fuck is going through your head when you write this crap?!! Is it just that now they’ve run the strip, they’re in as deep as he is?
JP “She said she and her boss didn’t get along. Isn’t that fascinating?” “I understand she prefers the climate out here. Isn’t that the most incredible thing you ever heard?”
Mel
March 9th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
MT: Please, please let Ken have an ass beard hanging out of his johnny. The nurse will draw eyes on it so it looks like a face, Mark. See? There’s the nose…punch…puuuuunch….
BigTed
March 9th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Hey, April, ever hear about a little thing called national security? Maybe the reason your “CIA job” didn’t pan out is that you keep blabbing about it to the most gossipy legal minds since Judge Ito.
Pozzo
March 9th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Okay, the third panel of MT seems to be setting up a hot three-way with a nurse, but in that case, what’s Mark doing there? All I can think of is that he’s going to write an eyewitness story for that magazine he works for. “Wild life,” indeed!
Dingo
March 9th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
ding-dong
Margo: Oh, that must be the pizza boy.
[Opens door. There stands a male, PIZZA BOY, shirtless and holding a pizza in a paper sack. His pants rest on his hip bones, exposing the top of his pubic hair.)
MUSIC: BOOM-CHICKA-BOW-WOW
Tommie: Looks to me more like a pizza man.
Pizza Boy: Did one of you ladies order some spicy sausage... and a pizza?
Margo: I ordered a spicy sausage pizza.
Pizza Boy: Well... (unzips pants) if yous like, I can give yous some of both.
Tommie: Oh, my. That does like spicy!
Margo: I've seen better on a dog.
Pizza Boy: Hey. Jus' like a dog, y'gotta pet it and be friendly. Wanna see me change from a terrier to a greyhound?
Tommie: I'm bettin' more like a Greyhound bus!
Pizza Boy: Hey, d'lady knows her stuff. What are you? A stewardess? A model?
Tommie: A nurse. And I'm about to give that pizza an examination. Then, it's your turn.
[Pizza Boy enters the apartment. Both women swoon and touch their hands to their collarbone like Ted Forth.]
Margo: Too bad Luann isn’t here. Growing up on a farm, I bet she knows a lot about strutting cocks.
to be continued…
SF_Reader
March 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
MW – So Jeff shows the slightest bit of concern about his child’s happiness and Mary has to start in with her, “Don’t worry! She’s a big girl!” When Ted is finally exposed as a fraud, and Adrian becomes suicidal, how will Mary meddle her way out of that?
Melinda
March 9th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Its clear now that Patty’s “poor, helpless little woman” bit is just an act. All she ever wanted was a baby and she’d do anything to get it. Deers, getting slapped around, whatever. But now that she’s gotten her way, we see her evil countenance change in panel three. Those souless black eyes, man face, bosom swelling; seriously frightening.
kurt
March 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
MT: A shining example of the medical procedure where deer butt to human’s abdominal region forces sperm to flow through Vas Deferens, thus enabling pregnancy and children to occur during mating.
Uh Huhhhhh. Right down there with whacking somebody with a hammer to induce amnesia.
Perky Bird
March 9th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
This whole Mark Trail story line seems like a bad “Lifetime” movie. In fact, I fully expect to turn on the TV next month and see “Bucky and Me: Love in the Age of Lyme Disease“.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Ken: “Some speak of having a hard row to hoe, but damn! My wife’s just a ho’ for a hard roe.”
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
#85 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Ah, now I have something less bizarre than this to associate with eastern European animation.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
But Vinni Puh is delightful! Not bizarre at all, I don’t think. A lot of the Soyuzmultfilm animations are wonderfully sweet. This is a favorite one. This scores a little higher on weirdness, but it’s charming. Modern jaw-dropping gorgeousness. Serious weirdness from Poland. Modern short from Hungary with a good gag. Best Hungarian cartoon series (read the sidebar comments). But Vuk is the best full-length film!
Luprand
March 9th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Leave it to one of the brown-haired guys in Judge Parker to say “That’s what she said!” completely without irony and with no attempt at making an unfunny joke. I mean, Judge Parker’s a drama strip, so I guess they’re not required to make unfunny jokes like the rest of the comics page, but … you get the picture.
Calico
March 9th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
#75 – Bambino then? : D
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
#97 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Oh, it’s highly enjoyable, but you have to admit it’s bizarre (particular if, as I did, you originally encountered it without the subtitles.) Which, I think, just adds to the charm in the same way the Britishy quirks really made the original.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
No, no, I just can’t see how it’s in any way bizarre, unless you hold the Disney version to be canonical in some way.
Edgy DC
March 9th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
2009 to Jack Elrod: Nurses do not where starched white minidresses that show off their scandinavian curves.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
#101 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Not at all, I don’t mean it’s in some way inferior to the Disney version. It’s just strange, is all; so was the Disney version, in a different way, and so was the original book, in a different different way. “Strange” isn’t an insult, just an observation; I like a great number of strange things.
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
YYY230. Mooncattie: “menfolk seemed to resemble Rocket Robin Hood, only without the sparkling wit” Oh geez, I nearly choked on my sandwhich there. I almost hope that only few of us know what you’re talking about, too. It would be sad to have so many people afflicted with those memories.
YYY264. bats: your Perty Mouth Beast-Men joke nearly made me spit out Lizard Fuel. That woulda hurt. And your Rex-Boat-Explanation is priceless.
YYY267 commodorejohn, on Slylock: for a brief, nauseating second, I read you talking about Shady Shrew’s monogrammed ball gag. Gag, indeed.
YYY268. Citric: We have actually seen very few people actually married in Slylock’s world. Tragically, Reeky Rat has a wife he doesn’t deserve; but Sly and Max have “friends” they keep taking on “double dates”; Max may just be playing the field more. He knows Sly won’t tell, what with him and Ms Felonious Feline.
YY 29 Les of the Jungle Patrol: Actually, I have injections of testosterone enenthate (medical, not bodybuilding reasons) every three weeks, the same as Sustanon is supposed to be, from what I can find online. And the enanthate is supposed to have a more steady release, which is what I need. (That is, when the nurses don’t inject it deeply enough and it doesn’t reach the muscle… which is why I have to go back in the morning to see my DP after one week.) I hate these injections, I feel trapped by them, but since there doesn’t seem to be a way to kick-start my body in producing some of its own again, it’s injections or lethargy. (Plus I want to talk to him about corrective rhinoplasty. Being awake and able to breathe are things I’ll spend money on.)
Y14. Wolf Shepherd: Trixie talking was my biggest revelation. Her first word, and it’s glossed over?? Wait, of course it is, since it would mean someone growing older, and we can’t have that in the funnies. (Or in syndication, hence Maggie Simpson only once uttering a word as a baby. But that was directly tied to the plot.)
Y62. Seismic-2: I don’t know if the “Thelma & Lois” pun has been done before, but it doesn’t matter, it will remain funny.
Y65. Jamus: Think of what kind of movies Cassandra is more likely to star in – either the ones she’ll want to, or the ones who’ll want her. Likely all the same. And what she’d do with the proceeds. Best she keeps to smaller matters.
Y76 bats :[ : That Cow & Boy is pure win. I don’t know anyone like that, but I sadly know they exist. On the other hand, one should never really apologise for a hobby or passion which is a little out of the societal norm, as long as you can recover quickly, not be embarassed by it, and explain how it doesn’t lead to any physical skeletons, in the closet or elsewhere.
Y143 Calico: Thank you. I’ve learned way too much about the cycle of battering from my friend’s examples – and that it can’t just happen to “stupid” or “innocent” or “uneducated” women, but to any woman. Because my friend is an engineer, smart, wickedly caustic sense of humour, and she fought bitterly and lost everything.That the very person who rescued her from the first and gave her succour did the same thing to her… I want to kick him so hard… ugh.
Y149. commodorejohn on SFx: I actually did the Six-Differences Cross-your-eyes trick, and there are no differences in the panel! I felt somehow disappointed. Also: that Prickly City Manga Hole thing? WTF-worthy. But not in a bad way.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Hagar the Horrible: Mrs. Horrible knows Jeff Corey’s daughter?
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
#104 Niall – Well, to tell you the truth, I contemplated calling it a “ball sack” but decided it didn’t really fit the tone of the rest of the comment ;)
markytom
March 9th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
MT Ways in which Ken will work out some of his business problems:
1) Turn his lumber business into a meth lab
2) Poach and sell venison
3) Sell Patty’s baby on the black market
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
I forgot about Mark Trail: The visitor is none other than….Molly the Bear! Hey, it could be. She’s been a hospital visitor before.
MaggieMarvel
March 9th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I always love the Slylock comics with clues that you would never ever be able to tell. Like “the paint is wet” or “the lightbulb is cold.” Because that’s just being mean. If you have a little kid trying to figure this stuff out, he can’t figure out by looking at a picture that paint is wet.
Then again, I don’t know any children who read Slylock Fox, so whatever, I guess.
Cranky
March 9th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I, like Max, am too freaked out by the mutant single-eared Mickey Mouse forgery to comment further.
Dingo
March 9th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Tomorrow: Lois Flagston starring in Diarrhea of a Mad Housewife.
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
…eastern european animation? Of the bizarre kind? And no one has mentioned Estonia?? Geez, people, you don’t know bizarre. Stuff that makes your head hurt with the subtitles. Lemme go home and try to find some. I’ll Priit Paarn your brains til they explode.
bats :[
March 9th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
It really doesn’t justify the screwball, 50’s story-line, but heck…*I* feel better!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3342591214/sizes/o/
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Also:
Marmaduke: Bizarrely, or not, we do not have Fred Hitler today. We have Fred Mario. Note moustache style change, the cap, and the hopping. Mushrooms must be overhead.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
#112 Niall – Eagerly awaiting.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 9th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Niall, deep in your heart, I think you know that I know bizarre.
mojo
March 9th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I can’t believe you people! Over a hundred comments, and no one’s said it yet!
Well, if I must, I must.
Mark Trail is bringing A PUPPY to the hospital! Because puppies cure EVERYTHING! From abusive relationships to deer gorings to FATAL DISEASES.
The tests are to determine WHAT TYPE of puppy for this particular situation. I’m plumping for a deerhound, because that would be the most obvious godawful pun. Plus a deerhound would be so damned big it could take Ken down on command and worry him about the living room, just for sport.
Of course my understanding is deerhounds are very sweet dogs who wouldn’t ordinarily do that, but hey, a few days with Ken would probably have the nicest dog going for his throat…
ScienceGiant
March 9th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
If you are reading this right now, do me a favor: actually say these words aloud. “Oh, Ken, we will be so happy!”
Please let me know the results of your experience. Are you like me, and had to re-read it several times, trying to match meaning to the inflection?
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
109. Maggie Marvel: actually, it was said that Koppy Kat had just finished painting. However, the puzzle neglected to mention which medium he was working in; oils would be wet, guache less so, and acrylics dry pretty much near instantly…
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Almost forgot:
30. McManx: Nono, not “colonoscopy of Justice” – but Fisting of Justice! While that would be sweetfully painful, it still wouldn’t be enough to redeem the strip and get it back on my rotation. …nor would a full on-panel Baby-making Demonstration.
Sal Paradise
March 9th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
What concerns me more than the poor balloon-headed child is position of #2’s hand and the subsequent face made by the opposing player. Mayhaps #2 is using #11 as a distract for sinful misdeeds.
bats :[
March 9th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Niall, I tried using your email addy that you posted to defeat the nefarious spam bots and it didn’t work. Is it a problem with the addy or me (hey! no far placing bets!)?
Miss Moxie
March 9th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
The part of Patti in the third panel of today’s Mark Trail will be played by a drag queen named Devine.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
queek
March 9th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
119: the palette pretty much meant oils. That was the first thing that I looked for, what sort of paint was being used.
Erik A.
March 9th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Josh, it occurs to me that this blog must be harder to maintain than one would think – I know I would succumb to mocking Elrod’s speech bubble placement 24/7.
seismic-2
March 9th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
9CL: Although it has taken forever in our time (like everything else in this if-its-2008-or-2009-it-must-be-Belgium thread), just how much time in the 9CL frame has elapsed since the end of the concert? Let’s see – Amos showed Edda a ring, she hid behind a tree and called home, Amos gave her the ring, and now they are leaving the auditorium area (presumably to go to their car). That took at the very most an hour? So why does Edda think the newspapers in the kiosk would already have a review of the performance? If it’s the time that the morning papers would really be reaching the kiosk, then it’s about 5:00AM, so (1) why hasn’t auditorium security arrested them yet and (2) why is Hillary Hahn skulking around in the parking lot at that hour? I think it has something to do with the talking unicorn.
Hagar Helga: “Give my best to the Queen.”
Hagar (bellowing at the top of his lungs): “Yo, Adrian!”
Revenge of Chesnut
March 9th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Ken has totally been consulting The Official Domestic Abuser’s Handbook. Chapter 7: How to Trap Your Partner Into an Abusive Relationship by Saddling Her with a Dependent Child. He’s probably thinking, “I was raised by a rage-aholic, dry-drunk father with an unnatural hatred of wildlife, and *I* turned out fine.”
Also, in Judge Parker, it looks like Mark and Randy are a couple of disheveled Mormon missionaries who have had one too many doors slammed in their faces and have decided to throw in the towel and break the Word of Wisdom. Later, they’ll drunkenly wander into a Blockbuster and rent something that is borderline PG-13. (!)
Sheila Sternwell
March 9th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
#54 Nurse with a penis — My mother was a nurse and in the 70s she wore a cap and dress, but by the early 80s was in the white pantsuit and didn’t wear the cap anymore. In the 90s everyone went to nurses’ pants and a scrub top, sometimes with a white lab coat to make them look more sciencey.
MT — I am really, really holding out for those tests to come back revealing a fatal illness or internal bleeding. Or that jerkface will lose his patience again and Patti will finally leave him… but I doubt it.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
#125 Erik A. – Actually, by Mark Trail standards, this one’s pretty sensible; the only oddity I can spot is the nurse, doubtless a talented ventriloquist, talking from her elbow.
Aviatrix
March 9th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
The tests will reveal kEN’s infertility, thereby making Mark Patti’s next best hope for a baby. The next Sunday strip will be on propagating endangered species through artificial insemination.
What? You thought I was suggesting that Mark .. and .. a woman … ? You’ve got to be kidding.
Harold
March 9th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
fluffy @ 76, that was also the premise of the series “Lovejoy”: Ian McShane played an art forger turned investigator of art forgeries.
…errr, no it wasn’t. Turns out Lovejoy was just a Shady Shrew sort of antiques dealer who was very good at detecting forgeries.
Koppy Kat is no slouch. One of his clippings reads “‘FAKE DALI A DILLY,’ SAYS EXPERT”.
Crunchy Frog
March 9th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Hey, today’s Baby Blues seems to be taking a page from artist Gail Rebhan! Specifically, the page A tree, a house, a car, from the book Mother-Son Talk, which was just reprinted in the just-published book Feminist Art and the Maternal by Andrea Liss, which we just received at the library where I work! Coincidence? Or are Rick Kirkman and/or Jerry Scott secretly looking over my shoulder to see what (besides The Comics Curmudgeon, of course) I’m reading when I’m supposed to be working?
Blunph
March 9th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Violet
March 9th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
#23 Natalie
Wow, I can’t believe someone else is conversant with Fascinating Womanhood. I read it years ago for a paper comparing self-help books of different eras. My favorite part was the suggestion that if you are arguing with your man, you should avoid belittling phraseology like “you miserable pipsqueak” and instead beat your tiny fists against his massive chest and say “you big insensitive beast!” Then he will presumably chuckle indulgently as you pout becomingly and stamp your little foot in kittenish outrage. Hey, it always works for me.
Jeff
March 9th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
#109
A kid kid could figure it out by actually reading the story. The text reads ” …has just put the finishing brush strokes on his copy.” I think that’s a big enough hint to suggest one of the paintings has wet paint.
Poteet
March 9th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
PHANTOM — This is a small thing compared to the major dramas in other strips, and maybe it’s been mentioned already, but I say that in the last panel, Ship Owner’s jacket-puppies are oddly situated. And having said that, I’m through staring at them trying to figure out what’s wrong.
Winky's Spleen
March 9th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I love Candorville, but I am just not getting psyched for the whole “Lemont’s crazy fiancee is a vampire” plot twist. It was more compelling when the issue was merely whether the fiancee was, you know, crazy (and evidently boinking John Edwards). Then Lemont had to make a decision about what to do with his life; this way, he has an easy way out.
fishmorgjp
March 9th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Aaah! The creature from Carpenter’s version of The Thing is among the kids!
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Allright, for commodorejohn and One-eyed Wolfdog: the first Estonian animation I remember seeing, from 11 years ago. Local animation festival, last day of competition, last short of the evening, 30 minutes long. The mood was one of mild schock, with NO one talking or making noises the entire time. This would not be the last we saw of Estonian Animation.
The Night of the Carrots, part 1. (If you made it through, parts 2 and 3 are on the right menu.) Do not fight it, do not attempt to parse, do not attempt to make sense during it. Just go with it. (Narration is English; some dialogue in English, other in Estonian.)
Since then, there’s this small frisson when there’s a short from Estonia. Last year, there was a palpable sense of dread at one description: it wasn’t just Estonian animation, it was experimental/abstract Estonian animation. And it lived up to it; that one didn’t even try to make sense.
And this from a group who can make sense of this kind of short. (From the same director who made Franz Ferdinand’s great Take Me Out and Goldfrapp’s Strict Machine videos; seeing all his videos on a large screen in full surround sound at least year’s retrospective was… awesome.)
(But also a group who, as one, nearly started bawling at this touching, tender, sad short and gave three standing ovations (while sniffling): during credits, when the light came back on, and when the director stood up after being introduced over the PA. And he deserved every one.
I love this city sometimes, to be exposed to all this. :)
Harold
March 9th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Poteet @ 136, not to worry. I shall continue to stare at them until I figure out what is wrong.
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
..just watched the last short again. Bawling. Every. Single. Time.
ColetteNicole
March 9th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
I can totally believe that Ken and Patti will talk about their future with a baby. Patti was having an affair with a deer for God’s sake, Mark Trail is her marriage counselor. Her judgement is questionable at best. This couple is clearly as dumb as box of antlers. A baby could offer a lot of insight to these two geniuses.
Except they’ll probably consult that baby from Family Circus. Or Ziggy. He’s babylike enough to fool Ken and Patti.
Yes! The dolts would make Ziggy their creepy man baby.
The mind reels…
kris
March 9th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
jp: glad to see i am not the only one who can not tell sam and randy apart. aren’t they much different ages? like isn’t randy younger (by a lot) than sam? they look like freaked twins now.
seismic-2
March 9th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I have just finished watching this week’s episode of the medical drama “House”. The preview of next week’s show reveal that it is about a deathcat.
Larry McAwful
March 9th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
What’s up with the art in Mark Trail? Is the good artist on vacation or something? (By “good” I mean “one who’s more studiedly stiff.”)
Harold
March 9th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Niall, I think you meant to post your comment that is at 156 on the previous thread, which is a response to bats :[ at 122 on this thread, here. I think. This is very confusing.
Harold
March 9th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
159…stupid numeric dyslexia…
Niall
March 9th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
122. bats :[ : Hunh, weird. I rechecked my original post and it looks correct: ab438 for the first half, ncf.ca for the second half, that little symbol in between. Make sure it’s not .com but .ca? A common error…
Calvinball Forever!
March 9th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
MT – Oh. Dear. God.
The horror of this happily-ever-after dreck (you think Ken has anger management problems NOW…just wait until he has to deal with a screaming bundle of joy!) stopped me from initially noticing the nurse’s hand down Mark’s pants. The horror is only beginning…
Imagine the nurse’s horror when she discovers only a Ken-doll-like smoothness…because there’s nothing there!
Yes, a duck flew away with Mark’s penis–as in the dream that Tony Soprano described to his therapist–a long time ago. Mark has been able to maintain his love of wildlife because he realized that he never liked that icky sex anyway…at least not since women became all liberated and started making demands.
#32, Ken does look drugged to the gills. Just wait until the morphine wears off…
One way that I will forgive this storyline is if Molly the Bear comes charging in and mauls Ken. Then Patti snaps, runs off with Molly, and lives among the bears, communing with them as “Grizzly Man” did and giving them cute names, until one day she rubs “Snookums” the wrong way and meets the same fate as both her husband and “Grizzly Man.”
Or Molly can maul her now. Either way.
Chutney
March 9th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
When did Patti’s face transform from Betty Boop to a man in drag? Perhaps that’s why Ken is interested all of a sudden.
Gold-Digging Nanny
March 9th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
I for one think it’s fantastic that Mark Trail is doing such an admirable job of teaching youngsters these days about not only wildlife and the environment but healthy relationships.
Matt
March 9th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Judge Parker: At first glance, I thought he said that April “was flying to spawn in the morning” – so maybe she had to get back to her home river for that. Then I saw he said “to Spain”, so I guess that’s where her home river is.
Jumper
March 9th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
I have been in Slylock’s shoes, but even worse: at the galleries, suspicious that the artists are sneaking in work they completed 18 months ago, I would often sniff the paintings. The fresh ones, completed just weeks before the show, smelled of fresh thinner and linseed oil. The old ones were far less aromatic.
Some of the patrons became amused at the guy who went around sniffing the paintings. I became self-conscious.
This will never happen to Slylock. He’s a detective, not an art collector.
Chicago Bob
March 9th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
MT: Okay, as of today, Ken and Patti actually have a less functional relationship than Silk Spectre I and the Comedian from Watchmen.
bucky
March 9th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
How can anyone not like Get Fuzzy?
Uncle Lumpy
March 9th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Ram and Sandy, alone together at last. One’s a Driver, one’s a Parker, but who’s to say which?
Chutney
March 9th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
@bucky: Damned if I know. Love it.
Deena in OR
March 9th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
@Bats :[ I made the email work ok just now, for what it’s worth…
Amateur
March 9th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
#137 — I know what you mean — this storyline is wacko. But at least the dog/wolf/whatever-it-is is really cute (at least when it’s not showing all those teeth). The strip where it was eating the sheep cracked me up.
(And I’m really not as evil as those of you reading this without having seen the strip might be led to believe! You kind of had to be there. . . . )
Sheila Sternwell
March 9th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
It just occurred to me that the MT storyline is saying Patti is just as wrong as Ken. My psyche must have prevented me from realizing this out of defense.
MT is saying Patti was wrong to make a deer a pet, and her error is just as exactly as wrong as Ken’s error of being an abusive husband. Now they can forgive each other because they are both equally to blame.
UGH.
Poteet
March 10th, 2009 at 12:32 am
3/10
A3G — Has Margo’s father always been the same age as Margo? Because I am creeped out.
MW — From ginormous mouth in the first panel to teeny head in the second. Good luck, Adrian — a lead role in this strip is like being featured in NIGHT GALLERY.
S-M — Bwahaha! In that last panel, the mayor’s expression says it all. And “all,” in this case, means “Interesting. Not only a nutcase, but a nutcase in a yellow diaper.”
Sister Sestina
March 10th, 2009 at 12:35 am
160 Sheila — I think it’s even more pathological than that. Patti was keeping the deer as a pet as an unacknowledged substitute for the child she didn’t have. Ken hated the deer because it was a competitor for Patti’s affections. And both are considered guilty of the essentially the same thing — forcing an independent creature into a role it’s not meant for (deer-pet, wife-slave). This isn’t MT, it’s Abnormal Psychology!
Squid Vicious
March 10th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
If you haven’t seen it, take a look at Panel 1 in today’s Mark Trail. I think our sneaky little nurse is about to give out a drive-by hand job from under Ken’s bed.
Squid Vicious
March 10th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Oops. Here’s the link to today’s Mark Trail.
David S. McQueen
March 10th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
MT: The nurse is multi-tasking in this age of Obama’s socialized health care – getting a sperm donation from Mark and one from Ken, too (if he still has the equipment) unless Patti gets there first.
mon-ma-tron
March 10th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
HEY! Why are you dissing New Mexico, Josh?! You know, it’s really great here, and… oh dang… spilled my mescal-peyote cocktail on that one-eyed, one-eared mouse thing.