Dust thou art. . .
Sincere thanks to everyone who supported the Pledge Drive — and if the appeal didn’t fit your schedule, budget, or charitable priorities, thank you for your patience. No more fund-raising ’til fall I promise, although “surprise” contributions are always a welcome treat! The button’s at the left under the Comment of the Week there. Just sayin’.
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— Uncle Lumpy
Funky Winkerbean, 4/18/09
Passive-aggressive zombie Lisa Moore deftly sinks the hook, assuring that the condom will stay in Les’s jacket until he needs to replace the elbow-patches again. (No, he does not keep the condom in his wallet: Lisa’s picture is in that wallet! Duh!)
Personal note: Most of the time, making fun of comics is like plinking cans with a .22 — an idle diversion, not too destructive. An especially irritating strip might make me wish for a slightly higher caliber. But when the Dead Chick shows up in Funky Winkerbean, I start wondering how big a thermonuclear device it would take to blow eastern Ohio to rust and splinters. I suspect this is an overreaction on my part, and I’m working on it.
Mark Trail, 4/18/09
In panic, Rusty bends time, space, and perspective as Sassy’s wild glee ends in dismay.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18, 3/28/09 (details, retouched: originals here and here)
Just as Seinfeld famously expanded the horizons of observational comedy, so Rex Morgan, M.D. opens new vistas for observational drama. Clueless yuppies Rex and June drift along on chitchat and ice cream, vaguely entertained by the epidemics, kidnappings, and murders that backdrop their meaningless lives. Great fortunes are reversed, families ruined, lives lost — none of it touches them.
Until now. In the person of Agnes Dunsmore, June confronts her own gin-soaked, loveless future. Staring through the veil at those fissures and spider-veins as into a mirror, she forms the thought that burns in her eyes, and breathes, “Guido — and now — before it’s too late!”
— Uncle Lumpy
Poteet
April 18th, 2009 at 1:53 am
Good point re Guido. Go for it, June! Right now, however, you remind me of that famous Mudge comment about Rex’s facial expression being that of someone who had just been goosed by Satan.
Joey Chicago
April 18th, 2009 at 2:04 am
The Piranha Club: This is either absurd or the most racist thing that I’ve ever seen.
Corby
April 18th, 2009 at 2:06 am
I hope zombie Lisa is there again tonight when they are having drunken sex. “Oh… enjoy yourself… don’t think about me… just pretend I never existed! Enjoy every moment!!”
Poteet
April 18th, 2009 at 2:11 am
A “nice time” at “The Magic Flutophone.” Right. Lisa, you are a ghost with a cruel sense of humor.
bats :[
April 18th, 2009 at 2:13 am
Dang! All this palpable excitement on SATURDAY!!! We most likely have to wait until Monday for
– what happens to Rusty and his “run-in”!
– when Margo (and the Perfesser) meet Joe!
– the end of the affair in My Cage!
– the Croccos realize they’ve been had and plot to take over the ship and head for Disneyworld or somewhere decent!
– Jeff Cory actually calls Adrian a sap!
– Lisa goes off on her own date with (choose dead movie star/celebrity/sex-god of your choice)!
Ah, at least Rex delivers:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3451365319/
(you’ll need to supersize it…like Rex ;)
PeterW
April 18th, 2009 at 2:33 am
Les speaks out loud to his imagined dead wife… how voluntary are her appearances? Should we see him on the psychiatrist’s couch used to jump us forward more often? Perhaps some medications are in order?
Mibbitmaker
April 18th, 2009 at 2:38 am
MT: Rusty rams into the Joe Besser-bald hoodlum. Trail sez: “Nice work, Rusty! — uh — I…I mean — Oops! Uh-oh….”
FW: Lisa’s in Hell — Stuck in the strip that killed her! Oh, and Les? That’s “Thinking out loud… to my dead wife’s ghost.”
RMMD (above): Hey, c’mon, ladies! How can I snark your comic with you guys staring at me like that?!
FW (again): Watch it, Les, or you’ll become the Major Nelson of the comics.
Schorsch
April 18th, 2009 at 2:42 am
Funky and Crankshaft are NOT representative of Ohio, any more than A3G is representative of New York, or Mary Worth is representative of the Third Circle of Hell (“The Meddlers”). You take it back. You take it back right now.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 18th, 2009 at 2:44 am
MT: Predictable like Donut Boy is, this trigger for the fist of justice theater. Boring.
Alfred E. Neuman
April 18th, 2009 at 2:48 am
Crankshaft— “Los Barbudos”? That was the team Fidel Castro played for. Next, Jefferson Jacks will describe at length how he talked Fidel out of using steroids.
Dennis— “Hey, Mom, would you like me to make you some crepes instead? You can move in with me later.”
FW— Which raises the inevitable existential question of whether it is possible to have a threesome with a ghost.
FOOB— I’ve known some dumb guys in my life, but none so dumb as to say something like that. This idiotic replay of the Pattersons’ life together rings completely false because the marriage wouldn’t last another week the way LJ is currently portraying it.
JP— Wow, Gloria knows EVERYTHING. I hope she’s keeping the Feds informed about the status of Iran’s nuclear weapons program.
MT— I will pass on the many obvious crude joke possibilities.
MW— The beautiful actress Merle Oberon was also referred to as “Queenie”, both in real-life and in a pseudo-biography (by her nephew) that portrayed her as a prostitute and murderer before she turned to acting. So ‘Queenie” isn’t necessarily a term of endearment, Adrian, especially if Ted turns out to be your nephew.
MC— Win!
Luann— It’s all over, Brad. You served Toni breakfast and didn’t even get a peck on the cheek when she left. You need to join the Vatican Fire Department. There you’ll at least get some credit for your permanent celibacy status.
RMMD— June’s look of shock is the result of her realization of what will happen if Rex finds Willy first.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2009 at 3:03 am
I dusted and even vacuumed a bit, but all that did was expose more things that need to be dusted. And my name ain’t art.
Funky: How is anybody who picks this thing up supposed to know that’s the guy’s dead wife?
Nice tie, Les. Next time let Summer dress you.
dale
April 18th, 2009 at 3:12 am
#11 was I.
Mark Trail: Why does that kid haul an enormous knapsack around? What could possibly be in it and how far from home could he get?
Mibbitmaker
April 18th, 2009 at 3:15 am
9CL: No, no!! Yesterstrip was so nice and sweet, so, naturally, McEl’ had to put today’s in Thoraxian Torment! Well, at least he hates our entire species this time….. Wait….
Agnes: “Needs more clever.” That sums up alot…
A3G: “Running the place is just a living hell, Professor. I’m so jealous of Tommie, she’s just having a nice, quiet time at home, damn her!”
DT: “Hey, WE’ll do the narrating around here, Gertie!”
ReFOOB: …Probably sex tonight, John-boob!
JP: “…especially when it’s drawn so well!”
MW: Oh, dear Lord! Looks like the hamster from inside Adrian’s head has left, and taken the wheel with him!
More MW: “Queenie” is ConMan for “This is too easy!”
Ziggy: Well, I guess North Korea isn’t all bad.
ZtP: Of course the figurine is sad — it’s not either Spooky or Hot Stuff.
Good night. God bless!
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 18th, 2009 at 4:13 am
ZtP: If we’re going down Harvey Comics memory lane – Zippy would be a fan of Baby Huey, Little Lotte, and Dot.
Wangdoodle
April 18th, 2009 at 5:08 am
MT: Which fits the final panel better?
(a) “BOOOOF!”
(b) “D’OH!”
(c) “Gosh, mister, you got nice tits.”
Blondie: Oh, Dagwood, if only it were so…
DtM: Somebody’s laying down on the job. That’s not even close to being a Dennis-grade refrigerator disaster. And I know, because I remember the original version of this strip!
DT: Dick Tracy does his imitation of Boris Karloff creeping up on Bugs Bunny, while Gertie discovers she has two right arms.
FC: THE DOGS HAVE A PLAN. AND I FEEL THAT SOMEHOW, I APPROVE OF THAT PLAN.
Mallard: Milk that strawman, Mallard. Just like you do every single year. It’s not sad at all! Really!
runescape accounts
April 18th, 2009 at 5:15 am
The Piranha Club: This is either absurd or the most racist thing that I’ve ever seen.
Victor Prime, the Ghost-Who-Waddles
April 18th, 2009 at 5:33 am
FW: No, Lisa’s ghost is not necessary to ensure Les stays clean – in a moment of clarity, he’ll realize that all he loves is inevitably destroyed by the vengeful forces just outside the veil of his reality, and he will be rendered permanently impotent. Normally, they work by rendering those who glimpse their handiwork utterly mad, but in the Funkyverse, madness would be an improvement; ergo, they deal instead in soul-crushing depression.
Huh. Really explains the motives behind Batiuk Alhazred’s work, I suppose.
Victor Prime, the Ghost-Who-Waddles
April 18th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Milk that strawman, Mallard.
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that movie. Wasn’t it called If I Only Had a Crank?
The Quotable Margo
April 18th, 2009 at 5:59 am
A3G – I am all atwitter here with the prospect that Margo is going to walk in on Joe bitchslapping Tommie around and will go ballistic and literally beat Joe to death with her umbrella, much like Britney Spears attacking the paparazzi, since no one, but NO ONE other than Margo is allowed to slap Tommie around
Ted
April 18th, 2009 at 7:45 am
“But when the Dead Chick shows up in Funky Winkerbean, I start wondering how big a thermonuclear device it would take to blow eastern Ohio to rust and splinters. I suspect this is an overreaction on my part, and I’m working on it.”
This is a common reaction to eastern Ohio even among people who never read Funky Winkerbean. Which is just about everyone.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
April 18th, 2009 at 8:05 am
My wife only died five years ago, and I don’t feel like I need to ask her for permission to glean a little goddamned happiness from life. Certainly not out loud.
Charterstoned
April 18th, 2009 at 8:26 am
MT – Taking his cue from Sassy and Andy, Rusty thinks fast and distracts the criminal by humping his leg.
dreadedcandiru2
April 18th, 2009 at 8:36 am
C’shaft: If this flashback does involve Castro and Che Guevara, it’ll be the stupidest thing Batiuk has ever done. CancerdoomdespairDeath and “I need my dead wife’s premission to go on solo car dates” will pale in comparison,
Canadian Zombie: I think I know what Pete had that John really wants: Connie!!! If he had married her, he’d have a cleaner house, better behaved kids and food he didn’t have to choke down as fast and messily as possible.
Curtis: The kid with the boot on his head is, as usual, doomed.
S4th: I wonder how much Zantac Ted will have to take in order to calm his angered innards.
and
My Cage: The agonizing and horrific death spiral of Norm and Beridget’s relationship continues as his default negativity and mistrust ruins yet another part of his life; this, of course, frees him to end up in the only relationship dynamic he can make work by hooking up with Ashley and becoming the male component of the type of romantic pairing Groening refers to as “Sourballs versus the World.”
dreadedcandiru2
April 18th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Sunday ReFoob Advisory: Elly encounters Mike and his pals getting in a fight with other kids. She then takes their pointed sticks away and tells them to behave. Since she acts like a sane person and the artwork isn’t a mess, it is, of course, a reprint.
Amateur
April 18th, 2009 at 8:48 am
MW: How much do you want to bet that “Queenie” will go straight to Ted and say, “Ted, you would NEVER scam me, would you?” and then take the answer back to her father and say, “See, I told you!”
*facepalm*
And this woman is a doctor? Spare me from being treated by her!!
sugarpie
April 18th, 2009 at 9:00 am
MW Ted’s gone Adrian. But hold on to the hope he’ll return for you. Just please be sure to check with Mary for tips on keeping that hope alive.
Sassy has more snap than this dolt.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
April 18th, 2009 at 9:08 am
(WT)DT: Wait a minute… There’s something unbelievable about today’s Dick Tracy. Someone gets paid to draw this?!
professor fate
April 18th, 2009 at 9:11 am
FW: Well now Robyn Hitchcock’s song “My Wife and my Dead Wife” is humming in my head.
Also Dead Wife must be okay with Les’s creepy stalking of his daughter since this is the first time She’s commented on Les’s actions.
This strip has such a creepy life hating vibe to it that as a living being you can’t help but hate it right back.
kalki
April 18th, 2009 at 9:20 am
9CL: God bears a striking resemblance to Dilbert’s boss?
Blondie: Well, at least Dagwood will be known for a sandwich…the Wimpy Burger…
Crank: More communist remembrances…
DTM: Midnight meal menacing…
CircusJerk: I hope they were licenses to kill…
FW: “I’ll be waiting for you in her bedroom when you get back so I can lay that guilt trip on you for committing adultery and laughing at your small erection.”
Luann: Brad better be sure of his facts before he starts throwing x chromosomes around like that. Has he actually not noticed Toni’s pant bulge and “her” rather prominent adam’s apple? I mean, the dark brown voice…how Toni walked like a woman but talked like a man…
S-M: Neither can we. Spidey. Try actually using your brains to beat Electro.
queek
April 18th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Niall and other cat-girl fans, I’d suggest a look at today’s Mythtickle. The pun at the end is yet another reason. *gigglesnort*
Hank
April 18th, 2009 at 9:54 am
RE: Uncle Lumpy, Mary Worth. Dang, but you called it three days ago. How awesomely bad is it when our “snark” dialogue gets parroted later as the strip’s actual dialogue?
Hank
April 18th, 2009 at 9:59 am
RE: Zits. Holy Crap! His mom found “dope” in his room? That’s great! This means that, under the laws of comic strips, a crazed bald guy is going to kill them all and the strip will be over soon!
Sue D. Nymme
April 18th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Dirtiest line on the comics page today: “With Andrew Gregory on the mound, Milford tops Fleming 4–1”
Steve the Pocket
April 18th, 2009 at 10:04 am
B.C.: Peter appears to have become the manager of a depressing New Wave band.
Luann: “Name one thing she’s got that I haven’t, that can be referred to by name in a newspaper comic strip.”
Edison Lee: Gee golly geepers, them newfangled computers sure go out of date fast! I bet nobody else has ever noticed this before, much less pointed it out in a comic strip!
…Probably would have been less annoying had I not been poking around eBay for that very exact computer and been shocked by how much they’re still going for. Apple products seem to have that effect.
benro
April 18th, 2009 at 10:11 am
FW – The only redeeming thing about this comic strip is that comic strips have no audio track, so we won’t have to listen to “The Magic Flutophone”
bluepencil
April 18th, 2009 at 10:13 am
MW: Adrian: If he were really treating you like royalty, he’d call you “Your Majesty.”
“Queenie” sounds like (a) a lumbering golden retriever or (b) an old-school mobster’s gun moll.
Soccerhead
April 18th, 2009 at 10:19 am
FC: I thought Billy was supposed to be the smart melonhead.
Baby Blues: Is “shovel-ready” the new buzzword for 2009?
GT: After that uninspiring performance against Patrick Henry, the Mudlarks come up big against Fleming, which should help Andrew get back to Gil’s good graces a little bit, but Gil still sounds like a FC kid when it comes to computers.
Brick Bradford
April 18th, 2009 at 10:21 am
MT: Smooth move, ex-lax! (I haven’t said that to anyone since the 8th grade, and it felt GOOD! GOOD, I tell you!)
MW: Jeff’s expression says it all. He is now absolutely certain that his late wife cheated on him, probably with Aldo, and Adrian is the dimwitted fruit of their unholy coupling.
Meanwhile Mary waits for the right moment to strike, and to feed on the collective misery that is even now rising from ground like a dank and putrid mist.
SM: Electro has been reading from the Idiot’s Guide to Super-Villainy. “When you have the hero at your mercy do not, under any circumstances, kill them while you have the chance. Taunt and toy with them, usually while explaining your evil plot, in order to give them time to recover their strength and kick your sorry butt”.
Popeye: Gee, a legacy strip runs an old arc, but actually ANNOUNCES they are doing so. Said arc is interesting and entertaining. Each day’s installment leaves you wanting to learn more. Is this allowed in the funnies any more?
Spk
April 18th, 2009 at 10:40 am
FW: Sure, it’s just a comic strip. Only a comic strip.
rrrrrhhhnggg
“Heh, I was just talking to my dead wife. I see her every now and then, but we talk too, so I have both visual and auditory hallucinations. But hey, that doesn’t mean that I’m not ready to move on, let’s go out into public!”
Les’ date is damned already by being forced to be romantically involved with a balding graying slouching mopey smirking dud. And just to crack the whip a little harder, he finds her just uninteresting enough that he’d rather daydream about sex that died and dried up over a decade ago than keep his mind on the tall drink of hot chocolate that is inexplicably interested in him.
And goddamn, is he wearing a cummerbund in panel 3 or did Crankshaft teach him how to wear his pants?
This has got to be some form of stealth racism on the part of Batiuk. As though he purposely planned it all out, “I’ll create the least appealing, least sensual male character in all of fiction, and of course this ignorant black chick will just have to have him.”
I’m so mad I can’t continue this post. It will be fine though, it’s just a comic strip, after all. Only a comic strip.
Ranger
April 18th, 2009 at 10:43 am
MW: Good call on the Queenie quote. You posted that earlier in the week.
These Strange Worlds
April 18th, 2009 at 10:55 am
RMMD
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20090418&name=Rex_Morgan
I assumed June’s face today was the typical, “40 something housewife face when she learns that a Costa Rican tyke was probably hiding under her bed while she was using her vibrator” look.
I think in the “My life is a meaningless sham and my only possible relief is to sedue the cabin boy,” the mouth is slightly open and the shoulders are thrown back some.
I’d be willing to do some research to prove this hypothesis.
Uncle Lumpy
April 18th, 2009 at 11:00 am
#41 T.S.W –
Your costume kit and soundtrack LP are on their way.
Muffaroo
April 18th, 2009 at 11:01 am
DTracy’s Mother Goose –
“This little scribble lies unconscious
This scribble’s driven far from home
This scribble’s guarding tons of money
…and This little scribble’s going to burn in hell
as soon as Locher figures out a suitable playing card demise!”
FCircus – That ‘tutoring’ session paid off!
FBasset – What do I think? Pop off!
FWbean – “Oh, and by the way… heh heh… in my family, we always say ‘Lisa’ when we mean ‘God.’ You know, as in, ‘Oh, Lisa! Lisa!’ and that sort of thing. I just… you know… thought I’d mention that now.”
HtHorrible – “He’s a friend from another comic strip. Helga, meet Keghead.”
MTrail – Kid, I was going to tell you about something called a “back door,” but I suspect that, in keeping with the general tenor of smutty innuendo around here, Moe’s about to fill you in.
MWorth – “He said one time that it was short for Steve McQueenie.”
PClub – Well, I think Mr. Obama has just picked up one vote — and possibly an endorsement — from one of our regulars!
Pluggers – If he can sell the rest of the living room furniture, he’ll be able to buy his black and white TV back from the yard sale on the next block.
PCity – Not bad today, though it took the description in the second panel to tell me that Vaughn is an armadillo. But as I was completely inclued by the last panel, I call it a success.
6Chix – Oh, EARTH Day. At first I thought it was Mirth Day, in which case this strip was an utter failure. But it’s about par for a holiday where humor seems to be precluded. Carry on, I guess.
Ziggy – If he’d wear his underwear instead of just putting it in his suitcase, then the cyclops lady wouldn’t have to lecture him about it.
Zits – Jeremy’s been holding out on his folks. Doesn’t this selfish teen realize that grownups like to get wrecked too?
MTrail – …so to speak! Haw!
ps: I could have DAAAANCED all NIIIIGHT…
Muffaroo
April 18th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Mibbitmaker @7 – Lisa will be the Blithe Spirit of comics, proving that in Batiuk’s world, only by death can we achieve any sort of happiness. Nice. Hey, Tom, I wish you happiness. Soon.
@13 – Actually, it’s “May God bless.” Red explained once that he always phrased it that way because he couldn’t presume to tell God what to do, so he expressed it as a hope.
runescape accounts @16 – Confess! You’re really Joey Chicago @2!
kalki @29 – There used to be a Wimpy’s in Virginia Beach. Not a chain, but a stand-alone family-run burger joint that I rather liked. I only got to eat there a couple of times before it was bought out and converted to a Sonic, but my pal Mike gave me one of their T-shirts, complete with (unauthorized?) J. Wellington Wimpy himself on it.
Muffaroo
April 18th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Id – “And now, here’s Al Sleet, the Hippy-Dippy Weatherman, with the forecast.”
“Tonight’s forecast will be: Dark! Look for continued dark throughout the night, with scattered patches of light toward morning.”
–George Carlin, circa 1969
John C Fremont
April 18th, 2009 at 11:16 am
#59 (yesterday) Muffaroo – Thanks for the SCTV link. I needed that!
#14 Sparky – Behold!
MW – This story has been dragging on for so long that I can’t remember – Has anyone made a PJ Harvey reference yet? If not, someone really ought to.
JP – “Last night?!” Well, they say time flies when you’re having fun, so on the other hand…
(When looking to see how far back that “last night” was, I went first to the New Year’s strip and came away with the line “All right, spread out… She’s in these oleanders somewhere.”)
SM – For some reason this Electro guy reminds me of The Spotmaker from those old Calgonite commercials. He’s about as menacing, too.
TheDiva
April 18th, 2009 at 11:16 am
MW: “He does love me! That’s why he calls me idiotic nicknames and takes my money and beats me!”
I predict next week, Ted will have skipped town and Adrian will break her tiny little brain attempting to rationalize his behavior. (“Oh look, there’s a SOLD sign outside Ted’s house. He’s probably bought a new home for us after the wedding!”)
oside
April 18th, 2009 at 11:31 am
MWorth – picking up the tab for dinner – $100
saving sister-in-law from shady people – $50,000
a quick Vegas wedding – $500
a husband who calls you “Queenie” – priceless
Chance
April 18th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Rex Morgan: That’s no old lady! That’s a man, man!
Steve
April 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Point of order: the Funkyverse is obviously located in northwestern Ohio. No one in Eastern Ohio gives a $#!+ about the Mudhens.
migellito
April 18th, 2009 at 11:48 am
luann – toni: “thanks for the creeps” It’s good to know I’m not the only one creeped out by those two.
FW – Maybe it’s supernatural instead of psychological. And maybe she’s haunting these other women, giving them supernatural spooky ultimatums demanding they go out with Les. And then maybe she possesses their bodies when it’s time for action. Maybe that’s what would happen in an interesting comic.
Nah, Les is just a screw-up.
commodorejohn
April 18th, 2009 at 11:52 am
A3G – Professor Papagoras thrives on the troubles of others. This must be why Margo seems to regard him as not quite so inferior to herself as the rest of the cast.
BrS – A reminder from Brenda Starr: urchins are valuable guides. Always follow their lead.
DT – “And Jim Borzman is set on proving himself an even worse artist than Dick Locher. Or prehistoric cave painters, for that matter.”
FB – What do I think? I think you should GET OUT OF MY FACE.
FW – Ha ha! Les will never escape the spectre of his dead wife! Ha ha ha!
GT – I’m seeing that middle panel in ’80s neons.
JP – You know, I love the artwork in Judge Parker, but I have to say that something about Gloria’s face seems a little…off today. Like the left half is too far to her left or something. Or maybe it’s just her mouth that’s off-center.
Luann – Christ, what an asshole.
MT – So, yeah, all this trouble for a camera that doesn’t even have your pictures on it and couldn’t possibly cost more to replace than the $500 you were given for it. Smart thinking, Rusty.
MW – Oh, for God’s sake. How long ago was it that one of us predicted that very line?
Phantom – “I’m sure they’ll get along splendidly with the zebra mussels. Maybe they can come ashore and romp in the kudzu.”
RMMD – Saint June of Perpetual Frustration.
SFx – Is that Ted Forth?
SM – Neither can we, Spidey. Neither can we.
Edison Lee – needs to get a goddamn grip.
UncleJeff
April 18th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Love Is: Bittersweet Memories!?!!
Wait a minute. She’s been in graveside panels at least 3 times in the last 6 months.
Are we seeing a series of Little Naked Guys?
Is Little Naked Girl killing them off one-by-one?
Or are they just freezing their Little Niblets off?
True Fable
April 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
what the DickTracy Good Lord, is the new artist trying to out-Gil Thorp, Gil Thorp? That artwork is the worst I’ve EVER seen, and that includes Six Chix.
I Wonder If They Are Jewish yes, thank God Passover is over and we can stop talking about the frickkin’ bread products.
Canadian Zombie Now if this were anything close to reality, tomorrow we’d see John slowly fly through the air panel by panel on his way to getting thrown out of the house, then Monday Lynn could start the Alternate Foob Storyline, and Elly would REALLY find out how hard being a working parent is. But hell, Lynn doesn’t have a workable imagination NOW; how’s she gonna develop one this late?
Dry Brit Humor I think you should just curl up in a corner and let another comic run in your spot, Fred.
Flaky Wankerstinger “Sorry… I’m a creepy guy who wants to fuck his wife’s ghost.”
WTF GT Gil is about to get schooled on YouTube.
Scenes from Suburban Hell That’s the only head that ever gets shined in Suburban Hell lately.
Sam Driver, Inexplicable Chick Magnet Gloria is a scary woman, pulling the strings and watching the lawdogs dance.
Sweet shallow stupid clueless horny and closeted TJ is jealous. Well, that’s no big revelation really; the surprise is that Brad actually asked Toni to move in with him. He won’t invite her to stay overnight, but he’ll ask her to live with him. Cart, meet horse.
Fist O Justice Theater Next week we’ll see Spunky escape and get Mark, who will be confused again about who he should hit since they have no facial hair. It’s Rusty’s fault that he’s been caught in the cabin, so I guess he’ll just let the kid stay and take his lumps.
Meddling Heights Is THAT all she wants? Hell’s bells, baby – I’ll call you the Regent of the World but that doesn’t mean I give a shit about you.
I, Platypus Okay, I don’t feel sorry for Norm any more. Idiots rarely move me to pity.
Kit Walker, Water Ranger That, or they all choked on six-pack rings and are chum for the sharks now.
Rex Morgan Man Whore Gotta love that last panel. I’m so happy because it’s going to give bats :[ a lot of room to maneuver.
S4th What?! Ted can’t pout without his lower lip!
Zippy the Tragically Hip blah blah blah blah wall of text blah blah zzzzzt. Rinse. Repeat every day.
IFHZ One would think Jeremy is too lazy to have sex.
Little A. Who Eats Bread on Pesach
April 18th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Hello True Fable, I assume you mean the worst DT art work ever, because the worst “art work” in the world of strips is, hands down, in Momma. With some close runner ups (or runners up?).
I cannot imagine that Mell (why the hell he spells it that way I have no idea, what’s his name, Mellvin?) spends more than two minutes a day drawing his daily strips. And less than that each morning on the toilet thinking up the “humor.”
Or maybe he combines the tasks. Yeah, that would explain some things.
Momma isn’t drawn, it is scrawled.
AMC
April 18th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Prince Valiant’s nickname is “Queenie”?
Who knew?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20090418&name=Mary_Worth
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 18th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Cayla dutifully dons the universally mandated thin crooked smile in panel 3, but there’s something endearing about the righteously peeved look she’s sporting in panel 2. “Damn, damn, damn. Tough times, a gig’s a gig, and this lousy strip’s got better syndication than it has any right to… but nobody ever told me I was gonna have dead white chicks sprouting out of my shoulder.”
Caroline a.k.a. Lady Marmite Loire
April 18th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Please don’t blow eastern Ohio to rust and splinters. I live there.
Of if you must, give me a heads up. It will only take me 3 hours to drive to Canada. :)
Eric the baker
April 18th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Zits: We want to tell you how proud we are that you’re using condoms. But, are you sure that Magnums are the right choice for you?
Hank
April 18th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
RE: Little A. Who Eats Bread on Pesach on “Momma”. True story. I have a school teacher friend who is an incredible amateur artist. I mean, the guy could give Barretto a run for his money as a cartoonist and actually had some nibbles from DC and Marvel comics about twenty years ago. When his future in-laws found out he was an aspiring cartoonist they took it upon themselves to hook him up with a friend of theirs who was a successful professional cartoonist for some tips. It was Mel Lazarus. My friend took one look at the art in “Momma” and never returned Lazarus’ calls.
Mooncattie
April 18th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
#48 oside, My Turn!
MT -
Time it takes to run into a cabin, grab a camera, and scram – 10 seconds
Time it takes to leisurely putter back to shore and retrieve the smokes you forgot – perhaps 5 minutes
Odds of subjects of each scenario bumping into each other – 100 %
Artwork of Rusty being chained to a log – Priceless!
Well, I’m rooting for Sassy anyways – glad you’re enjoying all this at least, li’l doggie!
MW – Poor Jeff…you really raised a couple of chumps, didn’t you? I suppose you’re out of options now – it’s time to call in ol’ Mare to meddle your daughter off to Peace Village where she can’t, presumably, blow the rest of her savings. And how come your daughter had $50,000 for someone she’s never met, but couldn’t scrounge up a dime for your charity?
#58 Caroline – Be careful! We’ve got the Foobs up here! That’s made us a Magmacannon target for years now. I’m keeping my gas tank filled for my escape run to Ohio at a moment’s notice!
Ukulele Ike
April 18th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Edge City: This is one Jewish family that really, really enjoys their bread products. Now that Pesach is over, they’re dining on takeout pizza with a baguette on the side.
Wolf Shepherd
April 18th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
#2 & #16
In other words, any comic that pokes fun at the President is RACIST! Noted.
#39
Yeah, that makes sense … I guess.
And then we have GA where the punch line delivered my Mr. Bird (stereotyped black jazz/blues musician) is “Joe [Felisko] really plays good blues harp for a white man.” Hahaha. Pretty funny. Nothing racist there.
Lord Vetinari
April 18th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
9CL: look, Brooke, we know you own a thesaurus and know how to deploy it, so just stop, okay?
On another note, i actually quite like Thorax. I have a friend who is just like him, albiet fourteen with a greasy curtain of black hair instead of a skull like an ostrich egg. He has the same habit of making authorotative statements that make no sense whatsoever; i believe one of them once involved amegeddon and everyone having to wash dishes with lava.
A3G: YAY! MARGO!!! margo!! being… friendly. hmmmn. but maybe when she says, “don’t ask,” she really means “don’t ask, i would have to try and remember where all the bodies are buried.” that would make more sense.
Blondie: Dagwood’s pajamas are fascinating and slightly nauseating. he appears to have been pelted with eggs by someone with OCD and a passion for symmetry.
Luann: this is so close to blatantly gay TJ that i am now fascinated to see what happens next. You came so close to just saying it, TJ! so close! and he made a bad joke out of your almost-confession! god, it must be terrible to be a character in Luann. I’d almost take Funky Winkerbean over it; at least they’re just doomed instead of clueless.
Ged's Apprentice
April 18th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Oh, i feel so sorry for TJ. on the surface, this strip looks like another bad joke, but it isn’t. just look at that mournful sigh face of his in the first panel, staring at Brad, who has eyes only for the girl. he tries to pull an annoying TJ smirk in the third panel to cover it up, but that next face is pure hairs-breath-from-nervous-breakdown. i imagine his voice is tinged with strained despair “name one thing she’s got that i haven’t.” awwwww. poor guy. I would be depressed by his fate of rejection and loneliness, but he had the incredibly poor taste to fall for Brad, so maybe he deserves it.
bats :[
April 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
53. UncleJeff: I shed it before and I shay it again:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3387819521/
54. True Fable: I believe that it’s “Dry Brit Humour”…
And that’s the second time in the cruise (at least on-panel) that June’s worn that expression; different outfit, same expression. If you’re gonna do it, honey, at least have those full, pouty lips like Rex has, so you can completely and utterly squick people out!
60. Hank: that’s a pretty cool story. And sad. Just think: if your friend had bitten the bullet, managed to keep from vomiting and allowed Mel Lazarus to mentor him, he might’ve become the heir apparent to the “Momma” strip.
Admit it: you all want to see “Momma” rendered in the full, lush Barretto Style!
Hank
April 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
RE: 66, bats. I could be wrong, but I suspect that “‘Momma’ rendered in the full, lush Barretto Style” would look a bit too much like the current Rex Morgan storyline.
Winky's Spleen
April 18th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
#29 kalki – God’s resemblance to Dilbert’s boss would actually explain quite a lot about the way the world works…
Stroker Ace
April 18th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
FW – Eastern Ohio IS rust & splinters.
True Fable
April 18th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
# 55 Little A WEBOP – oh lord I had completely shut Momma and Mell Lazarus out of my mind. I hate it almost as much as I do whoever scrawls out Grin and Bear It; and I HATE GRIN AND BEAR IT, hate it with the fury of a thousand hungry pissed-off cats locked out of the fish market.
But just look at today’s Dickless Tracy, would you! Dick’s legs are Play-Doh; B.O. was stuffed in the floorboard of a car or simply behind a black wall; and poor old Gravel Gertie’s so double-jointed she doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going. She’s like an M. C. Escher drawing as re-created by Ronnie Milsap.
#66 bats :[ – I don’t know; if we had to see this piece of squick as done by Barreto I think my eyes would burst into flame.
Poteet
April 18th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
FW — In what sense would one “worry about” a dead wife? That she hasn’t been issued the right kind of harp? That she’s been assigned to the wrong circle in Hell? That she’s going to hang around forever and ever, making sarcastic comments about one’s undersized genitals when one is trying to make use of them during dates? That she somehow arranged for those tickets to “The Magic Flutophone” as a form of diabolical posthumous revenge?
Poteet
April 18th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
DT — I have seen a fair number of supposedly-unconscious people, being as how I often turn on crime procedural shows when working at home. But I have never seen an “unconscious” person in that position. Perhaps Mr. Brozman should spend some time watching procedurals, where he would quickly learn that one of the more noticeable aspects of being unconscious is that one cannot hold up one’s head.
Baka Gaijin
April 18th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Rex Morgan: June, did you just get a drive-by prostate exam?
Mark Trail: I see now why scary-faced kid was so hepped up to get the camera. It’s the only one with patent-pending levitation anti-impact action. When Rustybrain ran head-first into Moe, the camera should have kneed Moe in the nads. Maybe it bounced off the elrodball and over Moe’s shoulder?
JonnyT
April 18th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I wouldn’t mind Battiuk’s attempts at portraying “real life” so much if he didn’t insist on depicting the life of a necrophiliac.
Mark
April 18th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Zits: A dope joke? I guess Borgman and Scott finally figured out what someone needs to make a Zits comic funny.
Muffaroo
April 18th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
AMC @56 – That’s a rhetorical question, right? You don’t really want me to point out everyone who’s already made the Prince Valiant comparison, do you? I made mine two or three days back, but I can’t swear it was the first.
Wolf Shepherd @63 – Either those comments are both absurd, or there’s some other possibility I’ve overlooked.
Digger
April 18th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Actually, I think Les might want to tell Cayla that he talks to his dead wife. It might be his best hope of scoring some pity sex.
Calico
April 18th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
#70 – Jesus, what is wrong with Lazarus?
Zits – pot, meth, or heroin? Or simply a report card filled with D’s and F’s?
FW – Les has a bad case of the hoseaphonium blues that seemingly will never go away.
NoahSnark
April 18th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Having committed himself to heroic action, Rusty closes his eyes and runs for the front door – thus proving he is a true Mark trail character.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
April 18th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Zits: It’s not drugs. It’s worse. It’s a newspaper ad for an upcoming Indigo Girls concert.
fishmorgjp
April 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
This Dick Tracy strip looks like one of those java web things that put together three disparate panels to make a strip… and the art’s stranger than ever. Gertie’s left hand is a flipper?
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
FW: Well if Les does decide to try sliding into home plate, it’s going to be the least fun threesome in history.
MF: As much as he might hate on environmentalists, Bruce isn’t above recycling the same tax “jokes” every April.
C-Shaft: Any chance of livening this flashback up with a Fidel Castro cameo?
A3G: “Gallery? Gallery, gallery, gallery… Holy shit! You’re right, I have a job, don’t I?”
DT: “And that’s it. They all die. The last 85 years have been a blast but all good things must come to an end.”
DtM: The salt-of-the-earth Mitchells are still saving up for a color refregerator. But black-and-white food was good enough for the Greatest Generation, so they can survive on it, too.
Marvin: Note to financially strapped seniors thinking of moving in with your grown children. Try to make sure someone in the family can identify the signs of a stroke.
S-M: “No, seriously. He was hit by a car that didn’t have its headlights on because the power grid… You’re right, that makes no sense.”
Luann: TJ makes his most blatant play for Brad yet. Oh well, keep trying. He seems to be on the fence.
Phantom: We can’t see the Croccos, so they must have decided to stay. So says Ghost-Who-Partied-Too-Much-and-Failed-Logic.
HtH: Soon Helga will stage an intervention with Honi, Hamlet, and maybe even Lucky Eddie. I look forward to seeing who survives.
FB: What do I think? I think you’re Fred Basset, and thus I don’t care.
9CL: Dude, that’s so deep I think an aphid might drown in it.
Ziggy: “Ha! I’m not even wearing pants. I don’t know the meaning of trouble!”
H&L: Hi, you’ve got the hottest wife in the neighborhood. Let her polish your club now and again.
kalki
April 18th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
44. Muffaroo–I have an ambiguous memory of eating a Wimpy burger in a restaurant inside a casino (Harrah’s, I think) in Reno, NV circa 1975…I can’t remember if the restaurant was called Wimpy’s or Popeye’s (obviously not the chicken chain that exists now). I know there was a Wimpy’s chain in the UK…
68. Winky’s Spleen–I still can’t deal with the name Monty though.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
#60 Hank,
Ah well, at least the future in-laws’ hearts were in the right places. Maybe not their eyes, though…
Muffaroo
April 18th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
formerly Ben @82 – What happened in Spider-Man is that, due to the outage, the “Don’t Run Overl” light at the intersection was unlit. Same thing happened last year when the bulb behind the first word burned out.
cooby
April 18th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
I live in PA, so maybe I’m just more used to guns being, you know, in HUNTING CAMPS, but Rusty’s running to tell Mark just seems a little over dramatic.
And that guy should have totally said “OOF” when Rusty ran into him.
One-eyed Wolfdog
April 18th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
The object of contention in Zits doesn’t look like a baggie to me – the ragged corners at the bottom don’t make sense. I rather believe it’s a page of handwritten sonnets detailing an intricate fantasy with the cast members of My Little Pony: The Movie, a pirated copy of which was also found in the offending sock drawer.
Lord Vetinari
April 18th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Rusty’s ears are lopsided. Good lord. The misshapen avacado head, the hair that looks like someone poured black paint on his scalp, the horrible, horrible necktie, the cheekbones, (i will not talk about the cheekbones) the staring, soulless eyes glazed over with a zombie sheen; all these i could forgive, but gods dammit his ears are lopsided. ELROD, CURSE YOU, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!
NoVan
April 18th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Mary Worth: HAHAHAHAHA! Major props to Uncle Lumpy because he called today’s final panel: “He even calls me Queenie!”
Dennis the Menace: Absent a couple of spills, Dennis seems to be doing rather well. What’s the big problem?
Family Circus: Barfy and Sam look at each other with the knowing smiles of those authorized to purchase assault weapons.
Zits: What One-eyed Wolfdog said. Well played, sir. (Madam? If so, I apologize.)
queek
April 18th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
65: Earthsea reference! yay!
Donald the Anarchist
April 18th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
FW Is it being to pedantic to note she said “Have a nice time,” not “Have a fun time?” Ghost Lisa, if you love Les, tell him it’s OK to get laid.
MT The dog is what sells it for me. I can just imagine after they tie Rusty up, that useless little pooch sitting there, wagging his tail, certain this is just the funnest game EVER!
RMMD Something about the shading makes June appear to have a nose ring and a tongue stud at first glance. I think this would be a great addition to her character.
Islamorada Girl
April 18th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
88: Thanks to you, LV, Rusty of MT suddenly makes sense! He’s a zombie! It’s all so much clearer now. Everyone in MT is a zombie. This explains everything.
Caroline a.k.a. Lady Marmite Loire
April 18th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
#61 Mooncattie – if there’s a simultaneous strike on Ohio and Canada from disgruntled comics fans then we’ll have to arrange to meet somewhere in eastern Pennsylvania or western New York state. :)
#69 Stroker Ace – Well if you’re talking about Cleveland then yes. However I’ve got beaches and wineries 10 minutes drive from my house, so there. :P
bats :[
April 18th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
61. Mooncattie: I do what I can…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3454160948/
(you’ll have to size up on your own)
Eldaglass
April 18th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
What is it with comic characters and “Magic Flutes”? First, 9 Chickweed Lane and now Funky Winkerbean. No wonder Dead Lisa is worried. Mozart= sex.
Joey Chicago
April 18th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
#68
So imagining that Obama shaving a goat is either absurd or a black joke is unreasonable? Wow.
kkarenb
April 18th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Rex Morgan – In the past two days, Sarah has stored enough acorns in those cheeks to get her through the end of next winter – or the fourth day of the cruise, whichever comes first.
36, bluepencil – According to royal etiquette, Ted would have to refer to Adrian as “Your Majesty” only once. After that, he would address her as “Ma’am.”
Terryfic
April 18th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Zits: Looks like a condom to me
sugarpie
April 18th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
MTrail Despite how crazy he seems today, it’s the first time that little Rusty doesn’t look like one of those messed up George Stephanopoulis sock puppets from ABC’s on-line gift shop.
Jackuul
April 18th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
After I saw the look on the face of the MT kid, I suddenly had a vision that I had to express.
It’s something that could be recycled. Another idea was to do one where he was smacking the man back after taking his camera and throwing filthy monopoly money at him. However this one won out when I remembered the scene from Mary Worth where Jeff was talking about some worthless stuff – but his expression looked like someone who just found out their vasectomy didn’t work and he got Mary pregnant with the demon spawn of Satan.
NoVan
April 18th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Re the absurdity/possible racism of Piranha Club: For the record, I think it’s a reference to “Mr. Grace’s twisted imagination”. Never did like this comic strip.
blackgoat
April 18th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
MT: Rusty, I know it’s a little late, but don’t you wish you’d just taken that $ 500.00 and headed to the orthodontist ?
Uncle Lumpy
April 18th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I try to check for racism using Stanley Crouch’s “flip test.” If the joke/insult/statement survives “flipping” the race(s) of the participants/targets, by his rule it’s not racist.
This week’s Piranha Club, including the “goat-shaving” case, would work if the President were Al Gore — so Crouch would probably give it a pass. Substitute “watermelon” for “goat”, and it would fail.
Lord Vetinari
April 18th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
RE 90 queek: yes, yay for Earthsea references! and yay for Ged in general! now i have a desire to go read the books again… hmmm…
commodorejohn
April 18th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
#103 Uncle Lumpy – How do you shave a watermelon?
Uncle Lumpy
April 18th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
#105 cj –
Oh, c’mon, you’re just messing with me:
Very carefully!
Anonymous
April 18th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
GT — Hahaha! Those wacky kids and their computer lingo! And of course, Gil has absolutely no clue what ‘viral’ means, since the last bit of technobabble he understood involved the use of the words “ten-four, good buddy!”
AhClem
April 18th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Oops – #107 was me. Stupid disappearing cookies (To which Gil would no doubt ask, “Oreo or Hydrox?”)
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
#91 Donald the Anarchist,
This “Lisa”–I’m 90% sure–is a figment of Les’s imagination. So the question comes down to whether Les loves himself. And the answer is, “Of course not. Self-loathing is de rigueur for residents of Westview.”
Chance
April 18th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
It’s a shame how terrible Funky Winkerbean is, as it’s one of the best-drawn print comics going.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
#85 Muffaroo,
Ah, now it’s all becoming clearer. That “Don’t mow everyone down with a Howitzer” sign is really just a disaster waiting to happen.
commodorejohn
April 18th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
#106 Uncle Lumpy – And thus we demonstrate that what the world really needs is a good portable rimshot generator. It’s a million-dollar idea.
odinthor
April 18th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
9CL — So God is Frank Nelson. All things considered, that does seem about right.
Joe Btfsplk
April 18th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Fred Basset – Fred, dude, whichever way you swing, I’m cool with it.
bats :[
April 18th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
112, commodorejohn: it’s true what they say! You CAN find everything on the intertubes!
The rimshot:
http://instantrimshot.com/
And the sad trombone:
http://sadtrombone.com/
Use them often!
commodorejohn
April 18th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
#115 bats :[ – Ah, perfect for Internet use! But I still maintain that there’s a need for a small, portable device with the same function.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
April 19th, 2009 at 12:33 am
MT: I like the fact that Rusty and that man are wearing matching Sears Toughskins.
#115 bats:[ — Sublime! I needed a handy sad trombone. As stitched on the sampler, “The internet provides, and the friendly facilitate.”
bats :[
April 19th, 2009 at 12:34 am
Some Sunday observations:
FC: god, I hate these people! My folks grew up during the Great Depression, and my mother told me that her parents didn’t scare their children with it (“It’s an adult problem — you don’t worry about it.”). That might’ve been simplistic, but my folks, and many others probably raised that way turned out fine, only having to worry about the nuns in parochial school, who’d get to read the funnies first on Sunday morning, and kid stuff like that.
But evidently the modern world’s woes are Just the Thing for today’s comics page.
Ha ha, Keanes. Christ, what assholes.
JP: ooooooh, look! Judgin’ stuff!
PV: yoiks! One smokin’ hot princess in today’s strip!
Phantom: “Nope! I’m as queer as a three-dollar bill!”
And *that’s* how Heloise became the 22nd Phantom. The End.
RMMD: Danger! Danger, Willy Costarican! You are about to be confronted by the very dangerous Dr. Rex! Return to the garbage can!
Donkey Hotey
April 19th, 2009 at 12:36 am
F-Minus: Exceptionally badly drawn and narrated today. I had to go the website for an explanation.
bats :[
April 19th, 2009 at 1:24 am
119. Donkey Hotey: is that the one with the popcorn in the movie theater? If so, I didn’t get it either, and I didn’t realize there was a “cheat sheet” on the website (not that there should be…cripes, this shouldn’t be rocket science! grrrrrr)
Poteet
April 19th, 2009 at 1:40 am
PV — Events move quickly in PV. Time strides briskly through PV. If there were a bizarre-looking little stowaway kid in PV, it wouldn’t take weeks to find him. If two new characters with odd names were discussed in PV, the discussion would be brief and to the point, not a six-day snore-inducing verbal ramble.
I like PV.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 19th, 2009 at 11:58 am
@121 – PV is which comic?
queek
April 19th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
122: Prince Valiant.
on a semi-related topic, “Ivanhoe” was on TCM last night. I’d forgotten just how much of a dish Liz Taylor was back in the day.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
April 20th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Ah thanks – I went to the King site. Sweet. Chuck does a nice princess doesn’t he? I remember his Shadow comics.
Did Charles Vess ever do Prince Valiant?
Ranchoth
April 20th, 2009 at 4:36 am
In regards to reducing eastern Ohio to “rust and splinters,” I’ve taken the liberty of putting some study into the matter:
Intelligence gathered as to the location of the target, Westview, indicates that it is close to the Cleveland area, and most likely within Medina County, possibly the town of Medina itself.
However, what would be a normally straightforward process of targeting and nuclear asset allocation is somewhat complicated by the fact that Medina, OH, is only 31 miles away from Chagrin Falls, OH, in neighboring Cuyahoga Country…a location with known value as the habitat for the rare Recluse Bipedal Tiger, as well as the Spikey Haired Loudmouth; both highly endangered, and presenting a possibly unacceptable level of collateral damage.
To ensure the destruction of the primary target, but while minimizing the risk of incidental annihilation to places of value, I would advise against the use of a single large (i.e. multimegaton) weapon, but instead an area saturation by comparatively lower-yield MIRVs. I recommend the use of two R-36M2 (SS-18 “Satan”) ICBMs out of the 62nd Missile Division base in Krasnoyarsk, armed with a total of twenty 550 kt RVs between each missile (plus 80 anti-ABM decoys), with target hypocenters of Akron and Medina (“Westview”?) proper, delivering a total of 11 megatons of explosive power against the target area.
Current weather conditions over the target area (rains, with winds tending towards the south) will help keep the Chagrin zone of exclusion safe from residual weapons effects, such as firestorms, and radiological omnimegaly, while, as an admitted downside, possibly inspiring cloying, maudlin remarks that the heavens themselves had begun weeping over target area. On the plus side, said weather conditions will indeed produce a comparatively inordinate amount of rust and splinters, with much wood already too wet to completely burn, and the abandonment of steel and iron wreckage (left unapproachable due to contamination, neutron flux, and crushed dreams) to the elements.
I should note that, while warhead airburst will maximize destruction (especially against unhardened targets, such as soft, flabby, despair-ridden small towns like the primary) and reduce the amount of fallout compared to a ground burst, there WILL nevertheless be an elevated risk of radiation induced illnesses, such as cancer. This might be slightly too ironic for comfort given the operational objectives; even with a known ambulatory undead infestation taken into consideration.
“Nemo me impune lacessit”
Paul1963
April 20th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Mark Trail: Jesus Christ, that’s even worse than I predicted–I wouldn’t have thought Rusty would actually meet Baldy at the door.
Curtis (haven’t read Monday’s yet): Y’know, Curtis is always bugging his father for money, and said father is always claiming to be poor as a churchmouse. What do you suppose Wilkins pere’s reaction would be to finding out that Curtis was offered a part in a movie, a job which probably pays close to his father’s entire salary for a year (plus residuals), and that the kid turned it down?
And how stupid does Curtis himself have to be to not realize that turning down said gig is a bad decision?
Funky: I wonder if Batiuk realizes that he’s writing Les as if Lisa has really only been dead for six or eight months (i.e., real-time for readers), not the ten-plus years that have passed for the characters? I mean really, hasn’t she been gone longer than they were together? Les seriously needs some therapy, and maybe some medication as well.
un malpaso
April 20th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
@ Josh: “…how big a thermonuclear device it would take to blow eastern Ohio to rust and splinters. I suspect this is an overreaction on my part, and I’m working on it.”
Josh, I hope for humanity’s sake that when you say you are “working on it,” you actually mean you’re working on the device itself, not on your overreaction. We need all the best minds of this decade working together quickly on such a weapon. (Can it be designed to take out Southern Ontario and 9 Chickweed Lane, as well?)
James C
April 20th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Perhaps the most important revelation in today’s ‘Mark Trail’… “Rusty” is in fact a young Lloyd Christmas.
Uncle Lumpy
April 20th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
#126 Paul –
What Les so desperately needs is the one thing he’s absolutely never going to get.
Jnoble
April 20th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
MT: If Rusty were a bit lower in that final panel, Chris Hanson and the Dateline To Catch A Predator crew would have a ball.
replica watches paypal
June 18th, 2010 at 2:42 am
If Rusty were a bit lower in that final panel, Chris Hanson and the Dateline To Catch A Predator crew would have a ball.
asdasd
July 26th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
?? ???
[url=http://www.go2000.com]??? ???[/url]