The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

You think this economy’s tough? Tell it to the Frankish Empire, circa 875

Hagar the Horrible, 5/7/09

Ha ha, that Hagar! Always with the desperate need to pump his body full of as much alcohol as humanly possible! It’s probably legitimate to blame Hagar’s woes on “the economy,” as it’s much easier for a lightly armed and highly mobile group of Vikings to plunder a trading ship than it is for them to besiege a fortified castle; a decline in trade means slimmer pickings for pirates and raiders. Of course, raids from Scandinavian war-bands like Hagar’s, along with similar attacks from Arab raiders from North Africa and Magyar horsemen from Hungary, are exactly what helped nip the modest Carolingian economic revival in 9th century Western Europe in the bud, so it’s hard to feel sorry for him as he sees his economically parasitic life’s work becoming more difficult.

Oh, wait, this is supposed to be about the modern-day economy? Never mind.

Call me obsessed with minute changes in comic strip fonts if you must, but I swear that “this economy” in that final panel is slightly less bold than the rest of the dialogue in that word balloon. This of course brings my mind to conspiracy theories about the original wording, which told us what really Hagar needs to learn to “get used to” without the sweet, mind-killing taste of booze. I hope it was “that creeping feeling of existential dread, that realization that nothing you do in this life matters in any meaningful way.”

Also, does this joke perhaps seem familiar to you? Well, of course it does.

Mary Worth, 5/7/09

Hey, dads out there! When your daughter has just been completely devastated — when she’s just found out that the man who made her feel emotionally complete, the one who she was ready to spend her life with, was a liar and a fraud — do you know what will make her feel better? Cupcakes! Cupcakes with pretty pink frosting! Cupcakes and your assurance that you’ll be running her love life from here on in, so she doesn’t have to worry about exercising that pesky autonomy anymore.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/7/09

“Uh, yeah, that’s right, I’m my mother’s daughter! I’m totally not some 45-year-old male dwarf she’s hired to play the part, for some reason. Now if you excuse me, I have to take care of this five o’ clock shadow.”

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 04:12 pm and is filed under Hagar the Horrible, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D..

118 responses to “You think this economy’s tough? Tell it to the Frankish Empire, circa 875”

Zaq
May 7th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

I will preview before I post. I will preview before I post. I will preview before I post.
Let’s see what we have for Thursday.

A3G: Occasionally people ask me, “you really read that crap like Apartment 3-G? Why?” And while I normally try to explain myself, sometimes I can (or could, if they would understand) answer with a single word: Margo.

Ghost-Who-Forgets-Punctuation: I have to say, I like the color in this strip. No, really. I do admit that I’m feeling cheated out of more JUNGLE PATROL, though. Bring back Lady Cop and Waitress!

S-M: Spidey just doesn’t get it, does he?

FW: Smirk, smirk, wry comment on current and future misery, smirk. This isn’t even fun anymore.

Popeye: “Hello, Miss Oyl! My name’s Ted Confey, nice to meet you! What’s your first name? Olive? How about if I call you… Queenie?”

Also, there’s an entire term paper to be had in comparing the overbearing parental presence in Luann and Foob. Seriously. It’s getting to be finals time… any fellow young’uns in a class squishy enough to allow that as a paper topic? Anyone?
wagmore barkless
May 7th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Whoa, Adrian, I don’t know what you put in those cupcakes, but it sure made your kitchen go all non-Euclidean on us.
emby
May 7th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Cupcakes?! Really?! How old is Adrian? It isn’t like Ted pulled her pig-tails. You’d think Daddy could at least offer a beer…
Non-Shannon
May 7th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

You just have to get used to the taste of human flesh. Now go harvest me something young and supple for dinner.
Indiebass
May 7th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

So “Hagar the Horrible” isn’t just a clever name, it’s more letting you know what you’re getting into?
Non-Shannon
May 7th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Or:

You just have to get used to the taste of semen. Lord knows we aren’t making anything off your “pillaging” habit.
Amateur
May 7th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Hagar: That WAS a weird attempt at a punchline. Is “You just have to get used to this economy” this week’s “That’ll make it easier to chain to a log”?
the good ship thetis
May 7th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

Where did the cupcakes come from? I don’t see an oven or any baking trays or mixing bowls filled with frosting. Perhaps this is why Adrian looks so confused in the first panel. “If I just hold this pink thing at an awkward enough angle I’ll be able to divine what it is, and what kind of power it has…”
Also, did you ever notice that every single Mary Worth kitchen panel shows a knife block somewhere?
Jeremiah
May 7th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker Little Theater presents: “Background Luncheon Conversation”

Woman in pink: God, those people are annoying. I wonder what they’re talking about.

Man with goatee: Probably just another Judge Parker plotline that won’t go anyway and will ultimately fade away.

Woman in pick: Hmm… Well, they’re ruining my lunch. Let’s blow this joint and go over to Dr. Jeff’s for fresh cupcakes and crippling emotions.

Man with goatee: Cupcakes? Crippling emotions? I thought that was Mary’s shtick.
Stroker Ace
May 7th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

RMMD – Rex should spank the women in his life. They all will love it.
Dragon of Life
May 7th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

MW: So Dr. Jeff pimp-slaps Queenie in panel one, then vows that no man is good enough for his daughter unless said man can pillage his backdoor village to his standards? Were any of us expecting this storyline to feature paternal abuse and rampant quasi-incestuous homosexuality? Mary Worth is awesome!
Indubitable
May 7th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure which is sadder: the fact that Hagar the Horrible plunders its archives for lame jokes, or the art was better the first time.

Or that I just spent over 30 seconds deciding between “plunder,” “pillage,” and “rape” in that last sentence, to subtly reference the fact that Hagar is, at least superficially a Viking, without the pun being over too the top.

Oh, I’ve wasted my life.
zenvelo
May 7th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

you’d think Adrian was old enough to eat the whole cupcake, not just lick the frosting off the top. but you would be wrong.

So Adrian’s dates have to pass Go with Dr Jeff? Does that mean he’s going to give them each $200 to date his daughter?

(I would have thought they have to pass muster…)
Larry McAwful
May 7th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

France was easy to raid in the ninth century. The Crown, eager to consolidate power, required that the castles around France be destroyed, so it would be harder to resist royal troops. This also invited raiders, like the Vikings and Arabs and all. England was harder to raid (though they raided that, too.) I’m not offhand sure whether it was the Merovingians or the Carolingians who pushed the tearing down of the castles. Anyone know?

So yeah, this was a Viking golden age. At least, it was a golden age if you were one of the guys landing on foreign shores and pillaging the natives. Which Hagar is supposed to be.

More often than not, I come home and try to kill my brain with alcohol. Weltschmerz lasts through the ages.

Hagar would probably do better if he weren’t a 9-to-5 Viking. If the best targets are in France, you’ll have to sail at least a few days before you get there. If he just sails halfway to Jutland and turns around, of course the economy’s not going to be good to him. Trade on the Baltic Sea sucked in those days.
Mac
May 7th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

You mean “running your life” in the MW comment? “Running your love” sounds dirty somehow.
Josh
May 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

#15 Mac — Ooops, was supposed to be “running her love life” actually. Fixed now, thanks.

Josh
150
May 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

I’d be more cheesed at the resolution of the Ted Confey storyline if I hadn’t used up all my outrage on Buckygate.
gnome de blog
May 7th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

1, Zaq said:

Also, there’s an entire term paper to be had in comparing the overbearing parental presence in Luann and Foob.

Don’t forget Mary Worth. If Brad doesn’t let Momzilla run his love life at 21 he’ll be begging Dad for a background check at 35. “Hey Dad, could you check out my new girlfirend Virginity Cupcakes before she moves in with me and TJ? Oh, and she needs $50,000 to help out her ailing mother.”
cj
May 7th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Rex Morgan, Major Dick:

Reading the comments after only briefly skimming the strips, as is my wont, I noticed the phrase “five o’clock shadow,” and was stupefied for a moment. Of course I had to look at the panel again. YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!

And now, an issue that has been (mildly) bothering me for sometime – didn’t the Morgan’s daughter use to be blonder and taller/ skinnier? Maybe boarding the ship has made everyone a brunette? Still doesn’t explain the chubby midget.
It's big of me, too
May 7th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Actually, as someone whose boyfriend was just exposed as a liar and a fraud, I have to say that pink cupcakes and having someone else run my love life both sound like really good ideas right now.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 7th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

Five-o’clock shadow? Dang. I was hoping Sarah was becoming a werewolf, about the rip and tear and gnaw everyone aboard that vessel. That would be so cute!
t3knomanser
May 7th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

In a few years, that little girl will grow up, go through a string of different personas and boyfriends until she finally meets the man of her dreams and becomes Doctor Mrs. The Monarch.
Mr.Death
May 7th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

And Bruce Willis as Sally.
Zaq
May 7th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

18 gnome de blog: While today’s strip agrees with you, overbearing parental hovering just doesn’t take the same prominent role in Mary Worth as it does in Luann or Foob. It’s there when the comic calls for it, perhaps, but it’s not an overarching motif like in the other two. It’s really not the same.

This is not to say that Dr. Jeff isn’t being incredibly creepy today. Because he totally is. Today’s more of an outlier, though.
Chipper
May 7th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

3G – Margo hates stool pigeons ever since that unpleasant little drug-embezzlement-murder situation at the gallery she has been “managing” while her “fiance” roams around Central Asia with men in tow. If she had only known that Dr. Joe was a fellow felony defendant she wouldn’t have hooked his jaw with the umbrella handle while kneeing him in the groin.

RMMD – While Rex just can’t get enough of those freakish kids, the alcoholic old lady hasn’t left June’s side (or front or back) since the first appearance of that itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny bikini.
Anonymous
May 7th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

cj: Maybe you’re confusing Sarah with Sophie, the blonde daughter in that other Woody Wilson strip, Judge Parker?
Baka Gaijin
May 7th, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

Rose is Rose: Ha ha! God’s peeing on you, you saccharin-sweet passive-aggressive nutjob.
Zinco
May 7th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

I’m a little puzzled by today’s Spider-Man, as Electro’s son comforts his father by telling him that his broken arm has almost healed. Just how much time has passed since this blackout started and Tommy got injured?
BigTed
May 7th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

Hagar may suffer from alcohol dependency, but I’m guessing it’s the health benefits of all that red wine that’s enabled him to reach the ripe old age of 36.
Sans Sense
May 7th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

MW:

“Like those cupcakes darling?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“They’re $12,500 apiece.”
tb4000
May 7th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

I’m confused….Hagar the Horrible wasn’t a drunk BEFORE the economy?
Steve S
May 7th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

Hagar the Horrible should have the same panels every day, with only the punchline changing. Tomorrow’s can be “It’s no use, you’re still in Hagar the Horrible.”
Pfooti
May 7th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

In that Hagar strip, the U and S in USED also seem to have their bottoms cut of just ever so slightly. Clearly, there was something else there for certain. Good spot. I wonder what it was. Probably dirty.
Black Drazon
May 7th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Man, that’s creepy, two comic-strip dads talking to their comic-strip daughters with the exact same comic-strip dark haired and the same comic-strip haircut. What I’m getting at is, I hope Sarah is looking forward to her future of being scammed by charming moustache men, and Rex to his of trying to seduce his way into Mary Worth’s pants.
BigTed
May 7th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

“You are your mother’s daughter, that’s for sure! Now, stand still while I take a hair sample, because simple math shows how unlikely it is that you’re also mine.”
MRL
May 7th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Jeff can promise Adrian that her next man will be honest because he’ll have to “pass go” with him, and it’ll take months for Jeff to even let him get past second base. I realize the metaphor there is mixed, but this is because dating Mary Worth has confused Jeff about many things regarding sex. A great many things, including the likelihood of his daughter wanting his sloppy seconds.
Sans Sense
May 7th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

I thought Sarah looked familiar! It’s nice to see Linda Hunt get some work.
These Strange Worlds
May 7th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Dicky Y242

You’re right. The good ol’ Chron cut off the older B&W strips. They are going through hard times and have had the second major personnel cutback in six months. And they have cut the size of the paper significantly (almost half the actual news as a year ago, and smaller pages, smaller fonts, fewer pages — they even save newsprint by running half pages! That’s right, you’ll be flipping through and there will be a story printed on half a page.) But how much could they have been paying to keep those old comics on-line?

As an aside, has anyone seen the new Kindle II? I love my Kindle I, but it is woefully inadequate for reading the comics (last time I tried that was during the middle of Hurricane Ike power failure week — took about 90 seconds to load each strip). But the new one looks perfectly-sized to display a daily strip. I wonder if some enterprising publisher/syndicate will figure out a way to sell custom comic pages from several syndicates. Or sell 30 year old strips so I could get Rip Kirby again.
These Strange Worlds
May 7th, 2009 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

What am I saying? Rip Kirby, how about “so I could get Apartment 3G lingerie Margo again.”
BigTed
May 7th, 2009 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

“Actually, sweetheart, the odds that you’d connect with a bigamist are rather high. After all, monogamists tend not to date outside their marriages.”
Violet
May 7th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Dr. Jeff: I pledge allegiance to the suffocating control of my incompetent daughter’s love life, with fluffy pink cupcakes ready to hand, anything to avoid time with Mary.
daveh
May 7th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

#33
“You just have to get used to having sex with me”

I’d be downing a keg too!
cj
May 7th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

Re: 26. Anonymous

Thanks, I guess. Well, not really. There is no way that chubby midget came from lovely June’s nethers.
odinthor
May 7th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

You just have to get used to:

? lying under a spewing cock.
? having me walk in looking up your bearskin.
? being in a drawing which has no background.
? wearing puffy, marshmallow-like slippers.
? not being offered cupcakes with pink frosting.
? getting kvetched about at The Comics Curmudgeon.
CanuckDownSouth
May 7th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

Oh, and lest I forget…. Edison Lee, GRAVITY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

(Thanks, though, for setting up a microscopic black hole that’ll fall against the bottle’s sides, absorb some material at its event horizon and then zip through and start its harmonic oscillation in the gravitational field inside the Earth… which will become a tangled, precessing mess of loops due to the rotational frame transform… and possibly tear us apart.)
Esther Blodgett
May 7th, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

You just have to get used to:

- sobriety for more than 30 minutes at a stretch.
- the mind-numbing sameness of every waking day.
- the taste of non-fermented beverages.
- my world-famous cupcakes with pink jalapeno frosting.
- recycled punchlines.
commodorejohn
May 7th, 2009 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

#45 CanuckDownSouth – I thought *ahem* roughly the same thing this morning, but I figured that, with the wide assortment of polymaths we have around here, there would be someone who could it express it both more accurately and funnier. Thank you for proving me right!

Now, if only we could hope that this would be the beginning of the end for Edison Lee…
anonymous
May 7th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Is this the third or fourth day Rex and Sarah have been sitting there discussing if she should or should not have told about the fat stowaway kid? Do we all have to ponder the question until the Sunday comics??? Maybe by Sunday one of them will get up and move around to advance the plot by a micro-hair.
Clint
May 7th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

I love Rex Morgan’s consistent smug condescension. That poor girl isn’t going to be taken seriously at any point in her life.
Ant
May 7th, 2009 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

That first panel of Rex Morgan, taken out of context, is surely the creepiest thing you or I have ever seen. The near-silhouettes. The bed. The grown man looming menacingly over the young girl. The dialogue — the girl reluctant to understand what her “daddy” is “trying to say, but…” “But what, princess?”

I’m seriously freaked out here.
Dr. Weird
May 7th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

I was just looking over the San Diego Comic-Con guest list at http://comic-con.org/cci/cci_guests.shtml There are a lot of comic strip people there. What I didn’t know (or never connected) was that Leonard Starr, who relaunched Annie and did a stage strip for 20 years before that was the head writer on Thundercats.
Hibbleton
May 7th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

MW: I like how Dr. Jeff demonstrates his new found exercise of power over Adrian by levitating a dish of cupcakes in front of her. “You shall bend to my will just like these these pretty pink pastries. Bwahaha! …..C’mon …Have one. ..Please. ..They’re good.”
Bryan
May 7th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

I miss Steve Roper & Mike Nomad.
NutellaonToast
May 7th, 2009 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

OMFG! LITTLE GIRLS DO NOT HAVE STUBBLE! WTF IS GOING ON?!?!!?
darwiniac
May 7th, 2009 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

RMMD “You are your mother’s daughter. That’s for sure. Not mine, though. She gets the mailman, I get the pizza delivery boy, that was the deal.”
9CL Nothing like walking in on your husband(?) as he experiments with crossdressing. Or, better still, fails at experimenting with crossdressing.
My Cage oh christ what is that thing on the left of the third panel
Funky Cancerbean I’ve developed a theory to deal with the smirking. The town has always been some hellish nightmare-place where death lurks always in the shadows, and the characters are simply the most recent people to occupy it. The product 10 generations, bleak despair just makes them nostalgic for their childhood.
dull_old_man
May 7th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

I laughed at Tiger today. That is a sign of irreversible brain death. I should go to the hospital and let them harvest my organs.
Donald the Anarchist
May 7th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

HTH Subtle hint to us readers, perhaps? After all, Hagar, while a standard legacy strip, doesn’t have near the merchandising and licensing revenue that, say, Ziggy or Garfield do. Heck, even Crock has a Universal Studios ride! And so Browne has had to fire all his writers, and there will be no more punchlines. If you can’t delight in the inherent humor of a big, furry glutton with a drinking problem, who treats being a Viking warrior as if it were a day job, if you need jokes to spell out why such a premise will never get any less funny, well, sir, I’m sorry, but <Hagar just isn’t for you. Now, who wants to see Hagar eat a giant turkey leg?
kalki
May 7th, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

For AFKAB re yesterthread FC comment:

Yep, in the X-Men comics, Colossus always threw Wolverine. I always thought it’d be funny to see them reverse roles. Wolverine is tough, but has no real superstrength and Colossus weighs a fair amount, so it’d probably turn out like the superhero equivalent of an eephus pitch.
Ms.X
May 7th, 2009 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

HtH: Oh, please. Stop you’re griping — this Hagar is COMPLETELY different! See? In this one, when he comes into the house, he’s moving so fast he makes a “zoom” sound. The first comic? No “zoom” sound. IT’S LIKE APPLES AND ORANGES*!

*Actually more like green apples and granny smith apples.

MW: You just know that Adrian had to buy those cupcakes herself, too. “Hey, honey, Daddy’s going to make everything all better…uh….Listen, I’m gonna pick you up something to eat…but, I uh… Okay, here’s the deal: I need, like, twenty bucks.” “Yeah. All right, Dad. Here you go.”

Zits: Okay, it is just me, or was Jeremy about to come out to his parents, but chickened out? Thank God he has such a supportive girlfriend in Pierce.

Luann: Why did the hospital put Brad in a kelly green hospital gown with Rorsach blots on it? What’ hospital is this? Sacred Heart of Isaac Mizrahi?
Les of the Jungle Patrol
May 7th, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

Adrian is so upset she’s gone goth with her black shit, jetblack hair and black lipstick. I’m amazed she’s willing to eat pink cupcakes and hasn’t dyed them also. She’s obviously new to it, since she hasn’t yet found a pair of black pants. A trip to Hot Topic will sort it out.
Katya
May 7th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Yet again, you guys are just too funny! Thanks for the laughs!

The “Mary Worth” storyline sure went down the tubes, as far as I’m concerned. The writers could’ve wrung a lot more drama out of it before having good ole Ted get caught, but nooo…Adrian’s dad gets suspicious, we see Ted packing, he won’t answer Adrian’s call so she drives over to see him in person, and bingo — the F.B.I. or whatever arrive to arrest the guy.

Then, of all things, that stupid police detective starts coming on to her and she seems to be falling for it. Where’s the period of absolute grief one would naturally expect her to be feeling when she discovers out of the blue what a horrible, cheating, lying snake her beloved is? We see nothing of the sort, zip, nada. She just moves on. Is she perhaps not really a human being at all but a robot? That’s about the only conclusion to which I can come, anyway!

Cheers!
spinster with cat
May 7th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

I don’t understand… cupcakes usually make me feel better…
McManx
May 7th, 2009 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth — Considering the cupcakes came off the counter and not out of the oven, it appears the solace offered her is cold and stale indeed. Dad, you are a bastard.

Hagar — Let’s see; giant barrel of liquor, or fat shrew of a wife. I’d run for the barrel every day too.
Katya
May 7th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

Oh, and by the way, no little girl I have ever known would talk like Sarah does in that middle panel. I mean, c’mon…get real. That’s not the way kids talk. How out of touch can the writer(s) be, for God’s sake?

I always thought she looked bizarre; now she’s speaking bizarrely as well!
Les of the Jungle Patrol
May 7th, 2009 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

HtH: This could be a great metaphor for the current economy. tomorrow, Hagar will be moaning to congress about how he needs to get a bonus or his best a brightest talent will stop pillaging and take up farming or something instead.

He’s like a drunken, medieval hedge fund.
It\'s time to pay the price
May 7th, 2009 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

I find it a little disconcerting how they didn’t bother to mark the barrel in Hagar. Sure any seasoned reader will make the connection that he’s simply drinking himself into a blind stupor, but the casual viewer it look’s like he’s trying to asphyxiate himself on a gas valve while his wife reassures him passive aggresively. Actually scrath that, the second version’s funnier.
DamienBixlan
May 7th, 2009 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

Sarah (or the dwarf playing her) is gonna get that facial hair punched the hell out of her by Mark Trail’s fist of justice!
It's time to pay the price
May 7th, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

I find it a little disconcerting how they didn’t bother to mark the barrel in Hagar. Sure any seasoned reader will make the connection that he’s simply drinking himself into a blind stupor, but to the casual viewer it look’s like he’s trying to asphyxiate himself on a gas valve while his wife reassures him passive aggresively. Actually scrath that, the second version’s funnier.
Captain Thunder
May 7th, 2009 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

“Uh, yeah, that’s right, I’m my mother’s daughter! I’m totally not some 45-year-old male dwarf she’s hired to play the part, for some reason. Now if you excuse me, I have to take care of this five o’ clock shadow.”

Wow, I never realized how committed Rex is to this whole “beard” concept. I mean, if he wasn’t, one could almost imagine that homosex–festive gentlemen could live out in the open, with nothing to hide. What a crazy world that would be!
Mary Worth Discussion Group
May 7th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth:

Does Adrian live with Jeff?
Does she ever work?
How can a beautiful woman like her be single?
Fashion Police
May 7th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

60, Les of the Jungle Patrol:
The sweater was probably pale green when she put it on. Remember that earlier that day she left the house in a salmon dress and co-ordinting black-and-salmon cardigan. The dress turned black and the cardigan lavender while she drove to her assignation with the ill-fated Mr. Covice. Adrian apparently has the power to darken natural fabrics. Her trousers are polyester. The cardigan was a blend, therefore didn’t take the full force of Adrian’s darkness. Adrian is to fashion what Mary Worth is to human relationships.
It\'s time to pay the price
May 7th, 2009 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

Whoops, didn’t mean to double post. Is there any way to delete?
Nate Fakes
May 7th, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

Lol. These post are great!
Jamus The Bartender
May 7th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

58. The “fastball special ” was actually reversed one time. While on the moon’s blue area,
Wolverine, with a heavy heart, threw Colossus at Jean Grey when she went Dark Phoenix.
Other examples: Rogue , with Ms. Marvel level strength was able to throw Colossus at a bad guy, I forget who. Kitty Pryde also got thrown once. Well, it was an android, but I don’t think Colossus knew it. Best one was the one where Colossus came back from the dead and they had to stop a spaceship. Written by Joss Whedon.
I know way too much about this.
Katya
May 7th, 2009 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Aww, today’s Hagar the Horrible isn’t that bad. It’s just that it’s merely mildly amusing, that’s all. Don’t worry — I’m sure things will get better! Chin up and all that, chaps.

If that doesn’t work, perhaps I can help with some old, worn-out, tired (can anyone say “redundant?”) platitudes. Such as:

“Tomorrow is another day!” (Said with perkiness and enthusiasm.)

“Look on the bright side!” (See above.)

“God never gives us more than we can handle.” (This last being meant to put things in perspective and make people realize that they are…reading the comics!)

Ha, ha, ha!
Katya
May 7th, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

To “It’s time to pay the price” –

Just let it go. I know it’s hard, what with the OCD and all (not mocking you, ‘cuz I have it, too!), but life’s just too short.

So try to forget that you double-posted. Do something, anything…just distract yourself! Even though it’s nice to be perfect, even the best of us will slip up at least once in a while.

It’s okay — really! :)
kalki
May 7th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

74. I have the issue (137, right?) where Dark Phoenix (but as we learn later, not Jean Grey) died, but oddly enough I don’t remember the method of death.
Rock Ripsnort
May 7th, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

Remember how Hanna-Barbera cartoons used to revolve around The Middle-Class Family in Prehistoric times (Flintstones), The Middle-Class Family in The Future (Jetsons), The Middle Class-Family in Et Cetera (Roman Holidays, many many others)?
Well, even Hanna and Barbera would call Hagar The No-Class Family Phoning It In.
Talking Squirrel
May 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

HtH: Hagar gets beerboarded.
Poteet
May 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

MW — I’m speaking only for myself here, but cupcakes other than chocolate with chocolate frosting do very little for emotional trauma. And it takes more of them.
Mister Beautiful
May 7th, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

I’ll bet $100 that the Hagar is just a reprint of an older strip with a new punch line pasted in over the old one.
Sid
May 7th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

Dr. Jeff practices the “away” command, ala Hypnodog.
Poteet
May 7th, 2009 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

RMMD — The “children” on Planet Zorflax do have to shave occasionally. June didn’t do sufficient research on Zorflaxian biology and culture before deciding on this adoption.
scamps
May 7th, 2009 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

I think Dr. Jeff should worry more about the fact that he always looks like he’s melting.
Captain Thunder
May 7th, 2009 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

74. Jamus, a surprisingly large number of X-Men villains could only be defeated by metal (i.e. Proteus). I think Chris Claremont thought Colossus was an absolutely fantastic idea (All New! All Different!), but later writers realized they were stuck with a character who was as one-note as Ziggy. Oh SNAP!

And you thought I couldn’t tie this topic in with the funnies!
Amateur
May 7th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

#60 — Her black what? Was that a Freudian slip or just a great typo, Les?
Alan's Addiction
May 7th, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Holy crap, Dr. Jeff will now be running Adrian’s love life – he’s turning into Mary Worth! She’s infected him, like some sort of vampire! RUN FOR IT, JEFF! Or maybe I’m reading too much into this; maybe there’s something less sinister going on. Maybe Dr. Jeff merely plans on selling Adrian into slavery or an arranged marriage.
You just know, based on his condescending tone and facial expression, that Rex is really thinking, “It’s so cute when females pretend that they’re people, too.”
druidbros
May 7th, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

I’m betting that Mary Worth is down at the police commissioners office complaining ‘that the detectives were on her turf and it better not happen again or else’.
How else can you explain her continued absence?
Carly
May 7th, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

I read “your next man will be” and my mind helpfully filled in the blank with “a serial killer.” Because this is Mary Worth.
commodorejohn
May 7th, 2009 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

#88 druidbros – It’s simple: Ted was on the level all along; Mary set him up. No longer content with the histrionics of vapid trophy wives, she has elected to start manufacturing her own drama.

God help us.
Steve the Pocket
May 7th, 2009 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

By the way, I don’t know if anyone else here has already posted this, but if anyone desires an outlet for rantings on the comic that shall not be named or spoken of on this site, it has its own dedicated hate blog, Duck and Cover.

Thanks to the dedicated editors at TV Tropes for digging this up for me.
Deena in OR
May 7th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

@ 60, 86….Best. Typo. Ever.
TIg
May 7th, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Thanks, Josh!
Today’s history lesson was brilliantly hysterical!
CanuckDownSouth
May 7th, 2009 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

77-kalki: Jean-Grey-as-phoenix pulled up an ancient powerful mechanism she had detected in the Blue Area, activated it with her telekinesis, and it blasted her to atoms. She’d been planning it as an option – if she felt she would “slip” – since the night before, and had also realized she’d have to be weakened (so she didn’t do it immediately at the start of the fight).
kurt
May 7th, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

SM: Like the new Brookstone LED wand that shines colored lights on your body to heal it (((wth??))), Electro’s EMF has now magically healed his son’s arm.

HTH:
“You just have to get used to….”
quaffing kegs lying down, since I broke the mugs.
the rusty well water since I sold your mead.
chugging for a living.
toxic oblivion.
kurt
May 7th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

BTW, dem good ole’ Archie digests often have mismatched text pasted in, trying to update their 50 – 60’s language to current standards.
Poteet
May 8th, 2009 at 12:27 am [Reply]

5/8 MW — As Adrian stares into her gloomy future, Jeff obediently repeats the words dictated to him by the tiny device in his ear.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 8th, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

Actually those cupcakes in Worth are a blatant fail. There’s no texture to the frosting. And if you’re going to go with pink, you need to top it with either a cinnamon heart or a cherry jelly bean (not both.) Step it up, people! I’m a milk-from-the-carton barbarian, and I know all this.
bats :[
May 8th, 2009 at 12:58 am [Reply]

78. Rip: yay! Someone remembers the Roman Holidays! And their apartment complex, the Venus de Milo Arms!

TGIFunnies!

A3G: oh, Margo! If only you’d live in Santa Royale, you would’ve noticed all those red flags for Adrian.
Then again, you probably would’ve been arrested for assault and battery as you tried to knock some sense into Adrian.

MT: “That’s Mark Trail, and you’ll be sorry when he catches you! Not as sorry as if Mary Worth caught you, but…”

MW: oh, yeah, Mary Worth’s “perspective” puts Escher to shame. You’ll be on the next flight to ‘Nam, Adrian.

RMMD: Looks like somebody’s gonna get his eye put out, judging from Panel 2.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 8th, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

MW: Adrian is trying to dress like a “goth” starting with her blouse?
Poteet
May 8th, 2009 at 1:21 am [Reply]

RMMD — Gaaah! My only consolation is that surely this very creepy little second-panel interaction means there is no way that Willy will ever end up as a permanent member of the cast. Surely.
Sparky
May 8th, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

Stripey Butt: Mr. Walker better do one of his “classic” moves en route to the Jungle Patrol HQ — Ordering milk in a dive bar.
aside – I used to hang out with Dave Cockrum at the Claypool Comics booth at SDCC. All this X-men talk makes me sigh.
Surgeon General's Warning
May 8th, 2009 at 2:02 am [Reply]

Mary Worth
Brand name(s): geriatrinol, meddlerinox.
________________________________________

The contents of Mary Worth are not meant for long-term consumption.
________________________________________

The young, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems should never undergo prolonged exposure to anything written by Karen Moy.
________________________________________

Symptoms of over-exposure may include:
dulled senses
difficulty breathing
greasy anal discharge
a smug, utterly misplaced sense of moral superiority
________________________________________

If you experience symptoms lasting longer than 4-6 hours please contact your health care provider. Do not operate heavy machinery or attempt to provide reasonable advice after reading Mary Worth.
dale
May 8th, 2009 at 2:11 am [Reply]

Mister Beautiful – 81. I think you’re right about HAGAR. The joke seemed way too forced. And I really believe I’ve seen him lying under the tap before. The good news – he won’t fall down and hurt himself. The bad news – he’ll choke to death on his own vomit.
Mibbitmaker
May 8th, 2009 at 2:24 am [Reply]

5/8:

A3G: Guess which comic will use the term “red flag” to some clueless character next. Someone will; it’s Red Flag Week, apparently.

BBailey: Beetle reveals the secret of Tom & Jerry!

Cleats: Yeah — a Sergeant Snorkle (rimshot, ducks)

DT: Looks like OCC has a replacement for Paul, Jr.! Rivals Senior in unusual facial hair, too.

FW: Funky may believe in cartoons, but the past 17 years prove that Batiuk stopped believing a long time ago.

MW: NO SHE DOESN’T!!

PBS: MST3K did B movies, we do comic strips… and Rat does literature.

RMMD: More food for the not-actually-chubby-in-the-slightest, but-what-a-pig, chubby kid. The boy must be related to Jughead Jones!
True Fable
May 8th, 2009 at 2:58 am [Reply]

*sigh*

9 Jerkweed Lane Can we move along, dammit.

Wrath of The Margo Ordinarily when Margo ‘fumes’ I just hide until it all blows over and the body is buried, but I agree with her. Gary gets off on putting his girlfriends in jeopardy. HA! Joke’s on you, buster. Your girlfriend lives with Margo Fucking Magee; your life is in jeopardy.

Wannabe Low Rider Way to be a totally dismal buttmunch, Dad.

Army of One Trouble in paradise: Beetle goes limp now.

BizarroCaptainMurphy (I cannot see the title Bizarro without going all SeaLab2021 on it!) I’m going to cut this one off of my monitor and tape it to the refrigerator. I not so not a Spongebob fan.

Dennis Schmenace Tomorrow Dennis dials 911 and complains about his cheeseburger order.

Children of the Circle First we must prove you are human, Dolly.

Finky Warblemaker
Tom Batiuk sings Whitney Houston!

I believe cartoons are the future
Make ‘em depressing, make them ruin the day
I never thought a paper could fulfill my needs
Thought it was just Hearst greed
And editors who don’t want white space

I decided long ago to give everyone a mis’rable existence
If I fail to spread cancer
Then maybe I can break the leg of a dancer
Or I’ll get some girl knocked up
Or get a drunk fat guy locked up -

Because the greatest love of all
Is showing gloom today
There’s no hope or gain
With Masky McDeath on the way
True Fable
May 8th, 2009 at 3:15 am [Reply]

Randy Parker, Man of Action “What’ll I do?…*hic* I’m gonna order another drink, thas what I’m gonna do!”

Bradann “It says, ‘don’t you just love my faboo new vest’?”

Fist O Justice Theater “Mark Trail… and he’s going to punch the hairs right out of your nose!”

Meddling Heights Damn straight, Adrian; Mary’s been itching to get her meddling licks in and she will not be denied! Besides, you have to run into Detective Vanilla out there, remember?

Trinkets Before Slobs *clap clap clap* Nine million and one (former h.s. english student).

Kit Walker, Roopville Ranger “Unpleasant.” Any time my neighbors speak of ‘unpleasant matters’, you know like the Recent Unpleasantness of the Civil War, or the even more Recent Unpleasantness of the catfight at the latest meeting of the Ladies Who Wear Funny Hats Club, I know that somewhere there was a beatdown commencin’, and that dammit, I missed it.

RMMW Rex is sure to get an eyeful, judging from her pose today.

Spider-Barf I hope a Recent Unpleasantness befalls Spidey very soon.
True Fable
May 8th, 2009 at 3:18 am [Reply]

#106 Roopville Kid – “I not so not a Spongebob fan.” WTF?!?

It should have read, “I am so not a Spongebob fan.” That’s what I get for defying the Rectangular One, I suppose.
Muffaroo
May 8th, 2009 at 8:57 am [Reply]

“Hagar… you just have to get used to chronic deja vu”

Mibbitmaker @105 – …and Rat does ~~literature~~ Faulkner.

True Fable @108 – Actually, Spongebob is a parallelepiped.
True Fable
May 8th, 2009 at 9:28 am [Reply]

#109 Muffaroo – I once dreamed that the world was being overtaken by hoards of Spongebob Squarepant clones, and all that stood between civilization and The Retentionable Hoard was me and a pair of pliers. (?! yeah I know)

Oh, the carnage! I awoke in a good mood.
Mr. Peabody
May 8th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

#38

IDW is going to be reprinting Alex Raymond’s Rip Kirby strips. Volume 1 is due out at the end of September. I’ve pre-ordered mine at amazon.
Professor Fate
May 8th, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

9CL: I understand it right part of zen practice involves sitting to the point where you are so bored, that your everyday mind the one that jabbers on about this and that just stops talking because it’s run out of things to say. I think this strip is attempting to induce that zen state in its readers. Anyway it’s got the boring bit down cold.

FW: Life’s a bitch and then you are erased.
queek
May 8th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

55: That’s Jeff’s girlfriend. She’s a dung beetle.
un malpaso
May 8th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

re: Rex

Ah, Graham Nolan. Such a fine hand and superior draftsmanship… always makes it a pleasure simply to look at a Rex Morgan strip.
But when will you learn… NEVER let an inking assistant shade a woman’s face with CROSSHATCHING! In the olden days of comic art, an assistant that made this mistake would be swiftly punished (usually by 100 lashes with a pica pole). Standards.. ain’t what they used to be…
Bitter Scribe
May 8th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

Hey, give Hagar a break! They waited two whole years to recycle that joke!
The Evil Duck (HC)
May 8th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Archie (May 8) AJGU is obviously unclear on what humans usually do at night.

Bizarro (May 8) — That’s going to traumatize some children. I can see the four year olds of today describing this comic to their therapists in the future, Spongebob’s look of horror, the doctor’s indifference, the realization that their favorite cartoon character might give them salmonella.

Blondie (May 8) — It’s funny because we’re in a crippling recession!

Crankshaft (May 8) — Crankshaft is totally out of character here. He wouldn’t like GPSes because first of all most of them have foreign accents, mine is British, and he doesn’t need some limey broad telling him what to do, second of all they’re electronic and being old he doesn’t trust anything that has a rechargeable battery or more than one line of programming, thirdly he doesn’t need directions goddamn it he’s an ornary old man. Also, he’s smiling.

Curtis (May 8) — Is anyone else hung up on the fact that her name is Mrs. Nelson and thus, yes she is in love or at least was at one point because she’s married?

Dennis (May 8) — I’m such a nerd. After my initial “OH MY GOD DENNIS HAS BEEN DECAPITATED AND IS STILL ALIVE” I was reminded of both Nearly Headless Nick of Harry Potter fame and Deadite Linda from Evil Dead II? More like Linda as she’s continually annoying even after death.

Dilbert (May 8) — I really hope he doesn’t add pictures to that entry.

Get Fuzzy (May 8) — I never ever want to see Bucky from the front again. His stomach can look like too many things, all of them disturbing.

H the H (May 8) — “or raid an English monestary load the riches back on my long boat kidnap some women and children and burn some crops. That or the house painting thing.”

Heathcliff (May 8) — Is there a joke here that I’m just not picking up on or is it completely batshit random?

Lockhorns (May 8) — Oh Leroy, you so crazy and abusive.

Marvin (May 8) — With every strip I read I am more and more creeped out by Marvin.

Marmaduke (May 8) — It’s funny because dogs can’t read!!! *HEADDESK* Well running dry there, Marmaduke author?

One Big Happy (May 8) — “So what I’m asking is, could you strike him down in divine fury?”
Johan
May 8th, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

“Yeah, you’re your mother’s daughter all right. Only someone related to your mother would find a flowerpot to be acceptable headgear.”
Wally Ballou
June 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

This is my first posting try, so not even sure where to go or what to do. But I’m amused that Rex and June Morgan have now been on a cruise for well over two months, and that June has been in a bikini (two different ones) for at least 85 percent of the time. Not complaining, you understand, but this ain’t the staid ol’ Rex Morgan strip I grew up with. Anybody got theories on why the artist is so intent in putting June’s assets on display> (Again, not complaining….)

Now, where does this comment go?

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

You think this economy’s tough? Tell it to the Frankish Empire, circa 875

118 responses to “You think this economy’s tough? Tell it to the Frankish Empire, circa 875”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery