The Comics Curmudgeon

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Scotland the stabbed

Cathy, 8/24/09

For most of mid-August, Cathy revolved around Irving’s Facebook-inspired loathing of his current haircut, followed by his intense anxiety about switching hairdressers, so his studied nonchalance upon actually getting a new ’do is deeply irritating, matched in that regard only by everything else that’s happened in Cathy ever. Fortunately, in the final panel, it appears that our put-upon stylist is planning to behead her annoying customer with her clippers.

Dick Tracy, 8/24/09

I’m pretty curious about the conversation that led up to today’s first panel of Dick Tracy, in which the creepy Mr. Pops attempts to explain to Dick the rudiments of his job description. “So, Mr. Pops, I noticed that when you and your similarly dressed cohorts were performing, the audience members’ mouths were pulled up at the corners, and they were expelling air from their lungs in a series of short, staccato bursts that sounded like ‘ha, ha’. More troubling still, in those moments they appeared to not be consumed by thoughts of torture and death. What sort of diabolical scheme is this?”

Slylock Fox, 8/24/09

This may be the first Slylock Fox mystery strip I’ve seen in which two humans interact with each other, and I’ve got to say that I find it very disturbing that Slylock is there to protect the property rights of a man who sells animals for a living. Despite all of his nosey police work, Slylock appears to be nothing more than an vulpine Uncle Tom, happy to buttress the institutions that enslave his fellow beasts! For shame, sir!

Also, seeing as Slick Smitty must be freakishly strong to be able to hold up a bag of water more than three feet in diameter, I certainly hope that Slylock’s human overlords trust him enough to arm him, or else this could get ugly.

Mary Worth, 8/24/09

“…but then Ian said something pompous that irritated some drunken hooligans, so, long story short, he got stabbed to death. Hey, is Charley Smith still single?”

Sigh. Sorry, Scotland, I don’t mean to make cruel jokes about your reputation as Britain’s knifecrime capital. It’s just that, while a Charterstone pool party is usually a happy occasion to me, the one getting underway here can only be a source of sadness, as it marks the definitive and anticlimactic end of the Charley-Delilah-Lawrence storyline, which was once so promising. Sure, we’ll always have that deliriously wonderful week in Charley’s love pad, but I can’t help but think that the strip could have reached even greater heights of entertaining insanity. Would Ian’s cruel, violent death at the hands of junk-sick thugs alleviate my ennui? Well, maybe a little.

Hi and Lois, 8/24/09

Speaking of Scotland, today’s Hi and Lois offers a particularly pathetic look into Hi’s inner life. Sure, it’s only natural that a guy would want to ditch out on his wife and family to go play golf among the stab-happy Scots — I mean, how can wives and families ever match up with golf, right? However, it appears that Hi’s reverie consists not of him actually taking a golf vacation, but rather of him telling his layabout neighbor that he wishes he could take a golf vacation. It’s a sad day when your fantasy life consists of turning down opportunities that really aren’t even that exciting in the first place.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 24, 2009 at 09:52 am and is filed under Cathy, Dick Tracy, Hi and Lois, Mary Worth, Slylock Fox.

189 responses to “Scotland the stabbed”

Dingo
August 24th, 2009 at 9:54 am [Reply]

Mary Worth: There’s something to be said for the color purple. Either Moy & Giella associate the color with women in love (Delilah last week / Toby this week) or they got a ten-gallon vat of it on sale and keep trying to use it up.
Jim
August 24th, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Check out today’s “Wizard of Id” if you want to see a rare beastiality joke in the comics.
Laocoon
August 24th, 2009 at 9:58 am [Reply]

And so another day goes by where Hiram must suppress his homosexual fantasies of traveling abroad as a couple and remain trapped in a loveless marriage to Lois for the sake of the children
Marie
August 24th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Whoa, the one and only time I was in Edinburgh, I was walking with my parents when we watched a fight break out in front of us. A group of teenagers – young adults began wailing on this other guy while swearing loudly. The guy got away and ran off down the street, but the whole thing was crazy.

Did Toby experience this? I mean, Edinburgh is cool and all, but you’re right – it’s violent.
Dan
August 24th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

If Greg Evans loves me, today’s Luann will result in the strangest French farce ever to find its way to the comics page, as Luann hustles a gnome, a cosplayer, and a one-dimensional Australian cultural stereotype from one room of the library to another to avoid a confrontation. I insist that Tiffany show up at the end for some HILARIOUS misunderstandings.
Laocoon
August 24th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Also it looks like in Panel #2, Toby has been afflicted with a case of the Thom Yorke lazy eye.
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 24th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

“It was beautiful, Mary. I felt a deep, spiritual connection there. Ooh, is that lemonade? Let’s take it back in the kitchen and deep fry it.”
Dingo
August 24th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Dan #5: don’t forget the escaped convict in the gorilla suit!
One-eyed Wolfdog
August 24th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

“I wish I could…. uh… take down that weird scribbly thing. Why the hell did you even frame that in the first place?”
Jimmyleg Jehosephat
August 24th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

I hope lots of the angry kilt-wearing Viking-descended bravehearts descend on the blog today! Don’t forget, the Scots are not Scotch, the whiskey IS, and it’s the Irish have the brogue, it’s the Scots that have the burr. As for the tape and the butterscotch, I have no idea.
gleeb
August 24th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

H&L: Hi isn’t even talking to Thirsty McDrunkard, he’s having a daydream about doing so that is so vivid as to be a hallucination. He’s really buttering a roll at dinner with his hated family, but his heart is in the Highlands. Or at least his heart is next door, explaining that he can’t go to the highlands.
gleeb
August 24th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

11 (me): No, he isn’t even buttering a roll. That’s just my hallucination. Mmmm, buttered rolls.
Matt Algren
August 24th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

re: Crankshaft: Batuik lays bare his hatred of the elderly today, as Jeff shouts “Finally!” at an old lady with a walker.
Ginger Yellow
August 24th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

That’s quite some pet shop. They’ve got a shark that’s smaller than a goldfish.
Calico
August 24th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Josh wrote
“stab-happy Scots”

You are darned lucky that I didn’t spew Banana-nut bread all over my flat screen reading that. Darned lucky. : )

And also for Josh – I believe that the Lodge’s butler is named Smithers.

And you don’t want to mess with this bald, 6′5″ Scot:
http://www.the-company.com
Phred22
August 24th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Mewonders if Slylock is in this pet shop because he does better at finding rabbits here than at the supermarket.
Eric
August 24th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Mark Trail has talking giant animals, now Dick Tracy has talking circus tents. What next – talking castles in Hagar the Horrible?
Naked Bunny with a Whip
August 24th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

SFox: Those rabbits appear to be in my Internet Happy Box. I hope they at least wipe up when they’re done. :-\
NoahSnark
August 24th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

A pet store must be like a red light district for anthropomorphic animals like Slylock Fox.
CanuckDownSouth
August 24th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

I think I’ve finally figured out what’s so disturbs me about Mary Worth art – look at that 2nd panel face. if you block out the features, it’s a reasonable realistic-cartoon face shape. Now, ignore the face and just look at the features. The features are OK, too – I think they’re even the right scale. But they’re *shifted* from where they’d be put together, like the artist traced the eyes/nose/mouth and didn’t quiteget them aligned right. (Well, like the artist didn’t bother to quadrant the face to make a line for the eyes to go across the actual skull.)

I’m pretty sure this is the exact problem of *several* “aaah! the faces! they are mellltinnggg!” MW moments.
Charterstoned
August 24th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

MW – I’m preparing myself for the inevitable appearance of Chinbeard at this pool party, fully attired in his newly acquired kilt. Not sure what the Cameron plaid looks like, but considering that Ian lives at Charterstone, I suspect his colors include plenty of salmon and mustard with that Pepto Pink thrown in for added effect. Can’t wait to see it.
TheDiva
August 24th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

Cathy: Please tell me the stylist went to the Sweeney Todd Tonsorial School, oh please oh please….

FW: Wait, when did Les and Summer go to Disneyworld? You’d think we’d have heard about it, if only because such an event would involve someone getting run over by the Main Street Electrical Parade or having a heart attack on Mission: Space or some such.

Luann: If this ends in an “Indecent Proposal” situation, I’m quitting.

MW: Instead of salmon squares, Mary decided to bring uncooked Pilsbury dinner rolls to the latest pool party. Yum!
Lenoxus
August 24th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Hi is so strict about reverie plausibility that he doesn’t even imagine his left arm not being short and deformed. It usually is, right?
Chyron HR
August 24th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Dick Tracy – “Circus clowns were meant to make you laugh–to take your troubles away. So I took the trapeze artist’s troubles away… forever.” Still the most well-adjusted character to ever appear in this strip, though.

Funkerboo – “It’s Goofy Time!” “No, Summer! No!”

Luann – Yup, Elwood donated half a million dollars to the library. And it was never mentioned on the internet, in the news, or anywhere else that would show up on a Google search.

Judge Parker – Jeez, did the 911 operator tell Abbey to open up Godiva’s blouse? “Okay, now pull your friend’s pants down around her ankles and start performing anal CPR. Yes, on her butt. You’ve got a camera on your phone, right?”

Slylock Fox – Why wouldn’t the pet shop ~~boy~~ owner just give Slick Smitty the damn refund if he bought the fish yesterday? Why would Slick Smitty think it would improve his chances of wrangling a refund if he convinced the owner that the fish was worthless? How are we supposed to know that cartoon fish don’t have lungs and don’t get pneumonia? This mystery would have been better in every way if Slick Smitty was trying to return a box of fish sticks.

The Nonfunctional Mind of Edison Lee – Oh, right, because kids just love pop culture icons that had already fizzled out before they were even born! (Notices stack of Yes CDs.) Objection withdrawn.

Zits – Scott and Borgman sure have opened up whole new avenues of humor by aging Jeremy. For instance, now they can have jokes about teenagers being the worst people in the world… while driving! (Apart from the ones they’ve already been doing for years.)
Jumper
August 24th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

This political cartoonist in my local runs a contest probably ripped from New Yorker. He’s a great cartoonist but the reader responses remind me of the semi-Asperger’s who populate the likeable Scott Adams’s blog: he deserves better fans. So, any takers for Siers’s contest?
http://blogs.charlotte.com/write_the_caption/
Amateur
August 24th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

MT: “I plan to! I swear! Please, call off your Elrodball!!”

Curtis: So what DOES an audible sneer sound like, anyway?

Slylock: He’s just pining for the fjords.
Craig
August 24th, 2009 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Leapfrogging off of Chyron — what kind of scam is Slick Smitty trying to pull? Getting a refund for a purchase you made the day before — that’s a tough way to make a living. It’s this kind of slip-shoddy grifting that the kids today are pulling that are ruining the Con Game for everyone.
mvg
August 24th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

MW: On closer examination of today’s panels, must update my post from yesterthread: “Toby’s souvenir for Mary: “I went to Scotland with my fat chinbeard husband & all I got was this lousy T-shirt.”

Toby’s souvenir for Mary, a t-shirt sporting: “I went to Scotland with my fat chinbeard husband & all I got was this lousy new ‘do & a case of lazy eye.”

HtH: Maybe if Hagar HAD paid more attention in Viking school, he’d have remembered you & your men need to bring WEAPONS to storm a castle.

JP: Why in the name of Ansel Adams did the paparazzi have to “jump out” to take Godiva’s picture? Wouldn’t the whole point bre to take extremely candid shots from cover w/o being spotted? And why would they need to use giant flashes if they’re out-bloody-doors? The writer seems to know as much about the paparazzi biz as Tom Bathos does about corn, the U.S. military, oh hell, ANYthing…
Perky Bird
August 24th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

I’m not sure what Mary is serving Toby, but based on the paleness of the contents of both bowl and pitcher, Mary has taken that old adage to heart: If life gives you a bowl of peeled boiled potatoes, make potato-ade.
anonymous
August 24th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

#21 – I was thinking the kilt would be mustard yellow and the ubiquitous electric blue that is only found in clothing in bad comic strips.
Larry Fine
August 24th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

“Circus clowns were meant to make you laugh, to take your troubles away, though up close & in person we tend to creep out adults and traumatize children.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 24th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

***
Cathy: Decapitation? We can only hope. The hairdresser’s dirty grin suggests other things, like using her razor to make a Christmas tree out of… No no, I can’t go on!

SFx: The right answer here is, “Slick Smitty is holding up a large rubber bath toy. Bath toys do not get sick, although they can be carriers of certain bacterial infections.”

MW: Am I happy to see Toby again, blathering dully about her and Ian’s Scottish getaweh? Hell, after a week of Lawrence and Delilah plotting to make babies (somehow) and fraudulent YouTube videos, I could kiss Ian’s hairy feet.

Phantom: Yes, the most dangerous man in Bangalla is the terrorist who ditched his militia, spent a few months playing with bats and trying to engineer a plague, and wound up only infecting himself. The second most dangerous man in Bangalla is a guy who knocked over a hot dog stand. He didn’t rob it, he just tipped it over with his motor scooter.
Steve S
August 24th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Maybe the entire run of Hi and Lois will turn out to be like Thirtysomething, all in Hi’s imagination as the world’s most boring fever dream ever.
dolemite's staff
August 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Am I the first to notice that Hi and Lois’ kids look a lot more similar to Thirsty (that’s the neighbor’s name, right?) than Hi? No wonder the poor cuckold’s daydreaming.
Dragon of Life
August 24th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

That pet store owner is no enslaver; he’s the Slylock-world-equivalent of a mental-health care provider. Note how ever single one of the “pets” he purveys has clearly been lobotomized with extreme prejudice. He’s simply providing these brain-damaged idiots with foster homes and life care. Note that even Smitty isn’t looking so slick — there’s no monetary gain at *all* in returning a healthy fish for store credit. He’s just trying to duck the unknowing responsibility of caring for a victimized fish, but his sincere regret and sorrow are written all over his face.
zenvelo
August 24th, 2009 at 11:19 am [Reply]

#9 Wolfdog – that “scribble thing” is the Flagston family copy of the Constitution, with all the liberal stuff (like the 14th Amendment) crossed out…
Lanfranc
August 24th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

MW: (Today’s strip brought to you in cooperation with VisitScotland and Edinburgh – Inspiring Capital.)
zenvelo
August 24th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

how come Slick Smitty can’t return what he bought yesterday? If the store had a reasonable return policy he wouldn’t have to make up stories.
Aaron B.
August 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

Shouldn’t we be bothered by the fact that the neighbor in Hi’s reverie is reading backwards?
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
August 24th, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

MW: There it is again! The second panel. That strange hand gesture. Kind of reminds me of this but eventually I’ll find the artist and paintings this hand gesture comes from:

http://blog-by-the-sea.typepad.com/blog_bythesea/2007/02/fra_angelico.html

I still swear there is a Codex to Stilted Hand Gestures ™
Sequitur
August 24th, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

Cathy – Can one castrate with electric clippers?
commodorejohn
August 24th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Archie – AAAHHHH THE TAXIDERMIED FISH IS STILL ALIVE

BB – D=

Crankshaft – Ah, that charming little running theme of Crankshaft: “the elderly are exactly like small children in regards to being a shameful nuisance to middle-aged people, therefore it is perfectly acceptable and in no way a regrettable but sometimes necessary thing to deny them the autonomy, freedom, and respect afforded adults.” It gets more heartwarming every time, because I keep thinking about Batiuk racking up the years, getting closer and closer in age to his own characters, and getting locked away in a nursing home by his own offspring. *sighs happily*

FC – “Daddy, is it okay if I eat this lizard?”

FB – Fred Basset remembers that this was actually pretty funny in Back To The Future.

FW – I can’t explain why, but I find this deeply unsettling.

JP – Is this where Abbey cradles a dying Godiva in her bosom and swears revenge? Because I could totally get behind that.

Luann – See, Elwood should really get on my nerves, and often does, but when he’s serving as tormentor to creepy future serial killer Gunther, I can’t help but feel a little more warmly towards him.

MT – Wow. Today’s Mark Trail art is even more warped than usual. Panel one looks like an Ames room.

MW – “The city has a medieval feel to it, with its Gothic architecture and cobblestone streets?” I don’t think they actually went to Scotland, I think they stayed home and read the travel guide.

Phantom – Oh, not again.

Shoe – Roz’s stare says it all, by which I mean that it says “dear God, these people are going to breed?”

WoI – The Wizard Of Id: it’s about bestiality!
mr 12 oz can
August 24th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

well mw strip finally leaves the dam hotel room to hear some hillary clinton clone talk about how romantic cobblestone roads are .
Cranky
August 24th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Come back tomorrow for more thrilling adventures of Slylock Fox: Freelance Customer Service Advisor.
Fashion Police
August 24th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

While we regard the kilt as among the most attractive of male garments, it is not meant for portly gentlemen of the Cameron class. Stick to your relaxed-fit jeans, sir. You are beyond rehabilitation.
Patrick
August 24th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

It’s so thoughtful of Mary to perfectly match her bangle bracelets to the yellowish food, beverage and Toby’s hair.
Cranky
August 24th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

Oh, I forgot to ask around. Can anyone explain this?

Seriously?
Edgy DC
August 24th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

I don’t know who murdered the trapeze artist, but I’m looking at that “threatening note,” and I’m sure hoping Fernand Léger has an alibi.
Sequitur
August 24th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Little Known Fact #498
Pluggers fart after throwing each horseshoe.
Sequitur
August 24th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

49. Cranky
I don’t know what that is or what’s happening there. All I know is that it can’t be good for humankind.
Will
August 24th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

9cl: Brooke, this is what your strip should be. All the time. Thank you.
Sequitur
August 24th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Mark trail could get punch drunk if he took a trip to Anchorage, Alaska.
Paul1963
August 24th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

An open letter to Cathy Guisewite:

Dear Ms. Guisewite:

Contrary to what you have recently depicted in your semi-eponymous comic strip, men really don’t care that much about their hair, as long as we get to keep it. We pretty much just look at it and decide whether or not it needs cutting. And many of us, faced with encroaching baldness, simply opt to shave our heads and be done with it (Michael Stipe, Bruce Willis, Jerry Doyle and Michael Chiklis all opted to do this).

Ackfully yrs,

Paul1963
mvg
August 24th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

MW: OK, so Toby (the least feminine woman’s name imaginable) & Chinbeard get into “medieval,” eh? I’m also guessing they got no closer to Scotland than a travel brochure, & spent their entire vacation in a faux-dungeon in L.A., w/cobblestones painted on the cement floor. Ian wearing a kilt may have been involved, but he probably got his sporran shaved.
buckyswife
August 24th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

MW: When I went to Edinburgh, I got a tattoo; I’d just turned 40, with the related angst, etc. So naturally, upon hearing that Toby & Chinbeard went there, I have to wonder whether they decided to commemorate their rekindled love by etching their bodies—maybe poolside we’ll be treated to a pink heart on Toby’s shoulder, with “Ian” written inside, and Ian, with his vast expanses of available space, could have this:
http://www.reellifewisdom.com/files/images/braveheart.bmp
gnome de blog
August 24th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

I for one am looking forward to Chinbeard in a kilt; it just seems to go with pompous old windbaggery. On the other hand, since he’s really Aristotle Papagoras in disguise, how about a foustanella? And those little shoes with the pompoms.
Elektro
August 24th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

Anyone else notice that the first word bubble in the last panel of Hi & Lois is way too large for the amount of dialogue featured? It’s almost as if something else was supposed to go after Lois’s sentence.

Let’s play “fill that word bubble”

“‘You wish you could’ what? Have sex with that cute redhead at the grocery store?”

“‘You wish you could’ what? Murder me, the children, and yourself in a Chris Benoit style fashion?”

“‘You wish you could’ what? Not star in a crappy comic strip?”
Alegna
August 24th, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Am I the only one who gets annoyed at how Cathy labels everything? The salon smocks say “Salon”, the paper says “Sports”, and even the clippers say “Clippers”. Where’s the label for Irving that says “Jackass”?
Sequitur
August 24th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

58. Alegna
He’s sitting on it.
Lloyd S.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

The article said Glasgow’s the knifing capital, and didn’t even mention Edinburgh. I’m pretty sure that both Edinburghers and Glaswegians would find the conflation probelmatic. Fer goodness sake laddie, they’re even further apart than DC and Baltimore. By a whole 4 miles! And if Toby and Ian couldn’t manage a sidetrip to the Highlands or St. Andrews, they probably didn’t make it to Glasgow, either.
seismic-2
August 24th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

A3G: The revelations about Margo’s love life have so shocked Prof. Papagoras that his hair and beard have turned white overnight. I kind of liked the Sunday version, though, when he was still prematurely orange.

FC: Jeffy’s Dad really didn’t know any cavemen. His Mom, however, did know some proto-humans even lower on the evolutionary chain than the Neanderthals. That’s “know”, in the Biblical sense. Four times.

MT: The first panel is all wrong. It’s supposed to be Mark who lets his fists do the talking.

Phantom: Chatu is known as… The Python! He would be an even more dangerous terrorist, if not for the funny walk.

H&L: Considering his life in suburban hell, it is no wonder that Hi’s fondest ambition is to ~~drink~~ golf his way across Scotland.
BigTed
August 24th, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

A medieval city with Gothic architecture and cobblestone streets? No wonder Toby and the professor fell in love all over again — it reminded them of a time when a homely but prominent old man could steal away a child bride and no one would think twice.
Lolsworth
August 24th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

“Scotland? Don’t you mean TERROR CODDLE LAND?”
Lolsworth
August 24th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

“Slick Smitty must be freakishly strong to be able to hold up a bag of water more than three feet in diameter”

With one arm, yet. No jail will hold this guy.
AeroSquid
August 24th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke: Marm is trying to figure out what to do with it: Play, mate or eat. Of course, since the entity is from a planet composed entirely of Methane, it will be dead soon enough anyway. Then Marmaduke will eat it and quickly succumb to Brain Scabies….from space.
Joe Blevins
August 24th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

SF: Poor Slick Smitty. Tired of his aimless greaser lifestyle, he tried to better his lot in life by aping the mannerisms and style of those we call “big shots.” And the only things Smitty knows about these mysterious “big shots” is what he’s seen in Lethal Weapon movies, i.e. they wear Italian suits and have tanks full of expensive tropical fish. Now he realizes that purchasing said suit and said fish have not noticeably raised his status in life, and he’s experiencing some understandable buyer’s remorse. And Slylock Fox is there to humiliate him further.
Calico
August 24th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

#21 – Scroll down and you’ll see three Cameron kilts based on region:
http://www.lindaclifford.com/Tartan.html
You’re not far from the mark color-wise.
Canaduck
August 24th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

Hey, some fish have lungs–like bettas, the siamese fighting fish.
teddytoad
August 24th, 2009 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

Amazing that a city founded in the 12th century should have a “medieval feel” to it! It has, like, all these cobblestones and stuff! Mary Worth: stories ripped from the headlines of an in-flight travel magazine.
Digger
August 24th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

If the hairdresser in Cathy is one of “the great ones” then a lobotomy should be forthcoming.
Hogenmogen
August 24th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

And beware the enormous Hulk-like strength of Slick Smitty, who can hold a bag with 50 gallons of water at arm’s length while still making a case for a full refund of his money.
Nekrotzar
August 24th, 2009 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

H&L would be less disturbing if Lois had allowed Hi to finish his sentence to the dream-sequence Thirsty: ‘I wish I could, but I’ll be in Thailand engaging in some child-sex-tourism.’

Sick and perverted, yes – but less disturbing.
Calico
August 24th, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

More Chinbeard clan info:
http://www.clan-cameron.org/basics.html
seismic-2
August 24th, 2009 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

Charterstones and Cobblestones – Mary Worth’s Guide to Putting Excitement back into Your Marriage. Now available at enormousstore.com. Order by credit card, and they will throw in a DVD of “South Pacific”.
Hogenmogen
August 24th, 2009 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

#29 – Perky: Potato ade? Isn’t vodka really “potato ade”?

Cathy: “What do you want done with your hair?”
“My hair is 3/4 inch long, lady. What can you do with it other than make it 1/2 inch long?”

If Irv wants a total makeover, I’d recommend the chrome dome, a goatee and an earring. Yeah, maybe a few tats. Not cool, exotic, foreign looking designs, but golf clubs and electronic gear.
Hogenmogen
August 24th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

Ha ha! Toeby got medieval on Ian’s ass! If he reappears in this strip walking funny, the reason is clear.

Ok, he could be really drunk, too.
HighPlainsDrifter
August 24th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

re #51 Will says –9cl: Brooke, this is what your strip should be. All the time. Thank you.
=============
I’m not sure if this is a compliment or a slam. On one hand we have no high falootin’ dialogue (yay!!!). On the other hand we have no high falootin’ dialogue (booo!!!).
Hogenmogen
August 24th, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

“We fell in love all over again! But this time to other people – thank God!”
Hogenmogen
August 24th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

“First, I’ll have the lab analyze these threatening notes for prints.”
“But detective Tracy… didn’t you paw all over them in complete defiance of forensic protocol?”
“It’s almost time for me to shoot someone. Don’t let that be you.”
towels
August 24th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

74- Anyone who orders that on Amazon.com is then notified that they may also be interested in a little pamphlet on Music Theory…
Perky Bird
August 24th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

# 75 Hogenmogen–

I didn’t think about vodka being made from potatos, but that might be exactly what’s in Mary’s pitcher. I know that vodka would be about the only thing that could get me through Toby’s conversation about her romantic vacation in Scotland. Especially when she gets to the part about how the cobblestones and gothic architecture got her so horny that she and Ian rushed back to the bed and breakfast, where she “blew him like a bagpipe.”
Thomas B.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

The fact that Guisewite had to write the word “clippers’ on that vibrating (see the vibration lines) object in the hair stylists’ hand either tells us that: (1) she thinks we are really dumb, or that (2)after 32 years she has given up on artistry and will spell out what the crudely drawn objects actually are.
HighPlainsDrifter
August 24th, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

#5 – Dan, sadly my 8 ball reads, “Nice try, but your wish for French Farce-ical Fun will be denied. But the library will be the scene of a surprise new character real soon … like next week.”

They crammed all that copy on one facet of that fortune telling thingy. Amazing.
Aviatrix
August 24th, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

Betty today has a second wave of humour if you realize that it is self-referential. Look at Betty’s hand only reaching her thigh. And she’s even leaning slightly towards that side. Dad’s arms are straight with his hands in his pockets. Put your own arm down and see how much you have to bend your elbow to place your hand on your upper thigh. The characters’ elbows are at the level of their nipples. Mine skim my hipbones.

I think the point in Cathy is that while Irving is getting neurotic about the hairstyle on his Facebook page, he can’t quite admit this out loud to the stranger with the clippers. So he summons this severely misplaced bravado. It’s sort of the male equivalent of aacking at bathing suits.
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

CATHY — Oh good, another Cathy vaccination. It’s good to see Cathy on CC every so often because it reminds me that it would make more sense to stab myself repeatedly with a fork than to ever add her to my list again. I already read DT.
Laocoon
August 24th, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Yes, just think! Your incredibly dull and vacuous personality inspired Bird to write shopping mall background music. What an honor
marlowe
August 24th, 2009 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

Seeing as how Slylock’s tail is only attached to his cape, I’m lead to assume that he’s not in fact a fox, but a furry in a fox costume with a penchant for mystery-solving. Nobody brings this up, however, as he’s got the animals fooled, and humans try to avoid the discussion at any cost.
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley — I like this woman better than most GA characters, not that that’s saying much. But I’m beginning to worry about her. Hasn’t she ever heard of think bubbles? If she keeps talking to herself out loud all the time, especially in public places, there may be consequences. The GA universe is not an open-minded place.

And if Byrd is supposedly just achieving national fame, why is his music already being turned into muzak? Never mind, I don’t want to know.
Dingo
August 24th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Robbed ‘Roids

It was late and it was cold. A terrible gale was blowing across the moors and no hotel window could hold out against it. Though closed, locked, and shuttered, the window waved a white flag of defeat at the ill wind and cowered in fear of more. Inside, Toby Cameron walked around naked, except for the lavendar terricloth bathrobe draped around her tender bits. She sopped up the remains of a plate of haggis with a piece of bread, juices flowing down from her mouth and onto her tender breasts.

Ian entered with a pile of firewood. He wore nothing but sandals and his familial kilt. His mancleavage hung over the firewood like freshly shot geese awaiting a roasting. Watching him drop the sticks to the floor, Toby was fascinated by the glimmering beads of sweat trickling down his hairy back. They teased her; they taunted her. They begged for her to push him onto his belly and yield to her as a Pussy Slip’n'Slide.

Ian turned to her. “There be a fire in your eyes, Missy.” She blushed. “There be a fire in your eyes and a fire in my belly. This Scotland, my Scotland, has unleashed a demon from within.”

“Aye,” she sighed. “And I see that demon attempting to say hello from beneath your bonny kilt.” Ian took her, held her tight in his arms, and kissed Toby on the mouth, tenderly yet forcefully. His hands moved about her like an anaconda caressing a sucklin’ pig. The knot on her lavendar bathroom unloosened and the gown fell to the floor. Ian looked down and he smiled. “I see a pretty salmon square,” he said, “and I’m hungry.” He picked up Toby in his arms and threw her mightily toward the bed. She screamed, screamed like a harlot in the throes of the Ripper, arms and legs flailing like a swastika in the breeze, and landed legs akimbo in the middle of the mattress.

Ian removed his belt and let his kilt fall to the floor. He stood before her in all of his bearish manliness. His sweet manroot, so large, so solid, so… massive pointed at her. It was Babe Ruth in phallic form, pointing out its home run. Ian approached the bed as Toby panted heavily, awaiting penetration. Just then, he noticed the pitcher on the endtable.

“What’s that?” he queried.

“I thought you’d be thirsty,” Toby replied. “So I gathered some spuds during my walk on the moors. ‘Tis a fine pitcher of potato-ade.”

Ian poured a glass and drank it in its entirety. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand. “A fine drink, lass. Fine indeed. And now I’m filled with starch. Time for me to starch your walls.”

He moved closer.
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

# 85 — Actually, I first thought that the hairdresser was about to make a call on a large strange cell phone. The thing is, I remember large strange cell phones. I was a volunteer at the State Capitol when wealthy lobbyists went out of their way to show off their large strange cell phones because those were among the first cell phones ever in Iowa. Unless those were called mobile phones. I don’t remember. Yes, I’m older than dirt.
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

# 89 Dingo — Thank you so much:-). I was just starting to recover from a story told by a friend who, to make a long story short, was greeted last week by the incredibly hairy butt of a very large man who was wearing very loose shorts and bending over in her office. This is a great followup.
buckyswife
August 24th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

89 Dingo: Wow. I’m not sure whether to laugh, shudder, or have my brain surgically removed to make the awful, awful pictures go away!

In any case, a terrible tale, well told!
Baka Gaijin
August 24th, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Will someone PLEASE tell the artist to horizontally flip Toby’s eyes? They’re creeping me out.

Dick Tracy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! EVILSCARYCLOWN!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! [pant] [pant] [pant] [pant] AAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaaaaahhhhhh….
evilscaryclown.

Pluggers: “Sometimes a plugger doesn’t mind if his life is in the pits.” That’s good. The Pluggergeezerdog is beginning to come to accept the reality of his life. Then he’ll dig up and eat some cat poop near the stake.
JetSetLA
August 24th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

#82 – Is it weird that my first reaction to the Cathy strip this morning was to assume that the syndicators made them add the word ‘clippers’ to clear up any ambiguity about it actually being a vibrator?
Anon
August 24th, 2009 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

re #51 and #77, is there actually a joke or a story fragment in today’s 9CL? I don’t get these strips, what’s the point?
Chip Whittle
August 24th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

I’m new to reading Annie Could a more experienced reader tell me if it’s always this loopy?

I laughed at B.C. today. What can I say, I like my vaguely familiar caveman figures being rendered apart between the fangs of a vicious, starving beast.

And I ask for a ruling on Brewster Rockit: Are they making an SCTV reference here or is there just no other way to talk about Larry?

Judge Parker: Uh-oh! Looks like the stray bullets used to shoot at Mister Joey Williams have gone terribly wrong! And yet she talks about photographers as if they were packs of hungry Canadian werewolves.

Love Is… being mooned by the liquid metal Terminator-1000? The heck?

I have no idea what the joke in Six Chix today is meant to be. Restaurants hate vegetarians? Lettuce goes into compost? Some waiters like being kicked in the shins?
Larry Fine
August 24th, 2009 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

#82 – Thomas, Cathy Guisewite hasn’t given up on artistry – she’s never had it in the first place.
Sequitur
August 24th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

93. Baka Gaijin
I warned you about Dick Tracy. But since Josh posted it and you weren’t trying to find it I guess this is just an unfortunate incident. Take deep breaths and repeat, “The clown isn’t after me. The clown isn’t after me…”

96. Chip Whittle
Annie – Doris the Saurus? Washington crossing the Deleware? WTF? Now I know why I don’t read this strip. It makes Zippy the Pinhead look normal.
Jamus The Bartender
August 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

24/Luann: That’s because Elwood CONTROLS the news, the internets and the Google. Don’t you see??? He’s like Lex Luthor over in Superman, Elwood is even more powerful than he himself let’s on. He’s got Luann right where he wants her, she’s just too dumb to realize it. This is gonna end badly for Quill, for Gunter, indeed , for the entire DeGroot family, and anyone with even the slightest connection to Luann.
Better get out your Zeye costume, Luann. You’re gonna be wearing it for a long, long time.
bats :[
August 24th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

55. buckyswife: hell, Chinbeard could have the whole history of Scotland memorialized on his gut.

88. Poteet: yes, what is the turn-around for a “hit” song to be Muzakicized (unless it starts out as a Kenny G or Yanni hit)? I remember hearing a Beatles song years after they’d broken up, and it was so freakin’ messed up, it was very hard to place what it was exactly.

89. Dingo: that’ll teach Mel Gibson!
Black Drazon
August 24th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

“We fell in love all over again! And by me, I of course mean me and the city of Edinburgh. I left that guy that keeps following me around at the airport and haven’t actually seen him since I got back.” “Good for you, dear.”
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

Wow, it’s slow going catching up on all the comics after being out of town for a couple of weeks. I’m afraid I’m just going to have to skip most of Josh and your guys’ blogs for the time I was away and start anew.

In any case…

The only strip I’ve gotten up to date on so far is Rex Morgan. Boring, boring, boring.

I have just one quibble, and that’s where Tim, the golf pro’s girlfriend’s son, says that all beautiful nurses are married to doctors. Are we stuck back in the fifties or something? That’s tantamount to saying that

1) all nurses are women;

2) all doctors are men;

3) every female nurse only went into the profession to snag a rich doctor;

4) unattractive nurses have no chance in that department.

My physician mother and sister might have a little something to say in that regard.
UncleJeff
August 24th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

DT: “Circus clows were meant to make you laugh – to take your troubles away. But here at Circus Ennui, we realize that troubles can never be “taken away.” We are here to set in motion your eventual suicidal release from this life. Like that trapeze performer.”

81 perky bird: “blew him like a bagpipe.” Oh, great! Now, I’m thinking of Ian Cameron and hearing “The Campbells are Coming.”

91 Poteet: “to make a long story short”, don’t ask Joe Biden to tell it.

96 Chip Whittle: I don’t know what the hell’s going on with “Annie”. A couple of months back, I was praising the writer for keeping a plot moving. They had, I thought, an interesting story of Annie wandering through the southwest with two female juvenile delinquents. Then, one of the girls got trapped in a boxcar and Annie left the other one in a snit and the strip’s just been careening like a balloon with the air screaming out of it.
UncleJeff
August 24th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

103: me. “Clowns”, dammit. “Clowns”. Use your “preview” button. Ah hell, you can see the DT at the top of the page.
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

# 89 Dingo — Actually, I’ve always pictured Ian as more the type who needs the kind of little pill you take in those ads where the couple is reclining side by side in matching outdoor bathtubs, for reasons I’ve never been able to, um, fathom (snork). Your version is more interesting.
Talking Squirrel
August 24th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

69 Teddytoad sez: Amazing that a city founded in the 12th century should have a “medieval feel” to it! It has, like, all these cobblestones and stuff! Mary Worth: stories ripped from the headlines of an in-flight travel magazine.”

And Toeby still hasn’t recounted her astonishment at seeing sheep walking in the streets!
Baka Gaijin
August 24th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

#98 Sequitur: I took your warning; Mr. Tracy isn’t on any webpage I can find. Dammit if Josh didn’t sneak it right in there with no NSWF or anything. evilscaryclownevilscaryclown evilscaryclown aaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaahhhhh!
AirForbes
August 24th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

We spent so damn long watching Delilah and Lawrence reconcile that I was actually happen to see Toby, that vacuous zombie. Perhaps this was Karen Moy’s intent.
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

# 102 Katya — Tim is a comic-strip outdoor writer, which means he is a total dweeb with the subtle social skills of a flatworm. Your expectations cannot be too low.
Hogenmogen
August 24th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Slick Smitty suddenly gets a great idea and asks the shop keeper if he can simply exchange the sick fish for the anthropomorphic fox standing over there in the corner, acting like he’s not part of the merchandise. Suddenly Smitty’s life became a whole lot easier without some vulpine asshole and little, jaundiced rodent friend contradicting him at every turn. He gets a job on Wall St, where deals of questionable ethics are standard, even required.
Jamus The Bartender
August 24th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

The Cat And The Curmudgeon
Cat’s In The Cradle-No Salmon Squares For Cassandra, Part 2

In Our Previous Episode, This Happened:
http://joshreads.com/?p=3817#comment-716629

Mary Worth and a recently returned Toby Cameron were sitting down to what was probably potato chips and lemonade, the staples of Charterstone. “So, Toby….tell me about Scotland.”
“It was wonderful, Mary….Ian and I stayed at a bed and breakfast in Edinborough, and we didn’t get stabbed once…”
Mary’s attention was suddenly riveted by the blonde realtor, accompanied by the five months along cat with the big hair, and her paramour, Your Humble Narrator.
“Yeah…that’s nice, Toby….excuse me for a minute….”
We didn’t get within five feet of the house Lois Flagston was showing us when Mary came walking up.
” LOIS, dear, how WONDERFUL to see you.” Mary said, her eyes raidiating daggers at Cassandra. You do not humiliate Mary Worth in a public setting, even though she had it coming. ” I see you’re showing DEAR Cassandra and her man a new house, how WONDERFUL, we had no idea you two were FINALLY planning on getting married.”
Shit, shit, shit.
” We’re just looking…” I managed to stammer….
” Yes, yes….Lois, why don’t you take Jamus inside to look at the plumbing, while I have a word or two with Cassandra…”
I heard the following second-hand, so I can assume the actual exchange was actually worse…
” You ever pull a stunt like that again, Worthless, i’ll snap your fucking neck and leave you in a ditch, pregnant or not.”
” Let me make one thing clear, Kitten….you two even THINK about moving NEAR Charterstone, i’ll make your misbegotten lives a living hell. You’ll never even see it coming. And your rich fatcat won’t be able to help you. I was doing this before Charlie Brown was a sad glint in Schultz’ eye. Think about that.”
“Have a nice day, dear.”
WIth that, Mary went back to hear more about Scotland.
——————————————————-
After the Charterstone tour went south, Lois decided to take us to look at a house in the middle of Gasoline Alley.
The house was a little rundown, but it was built to last. Lois WAS honest with us….the pipes were built at a time when they used lead solder. ” I don’t want my baby drinking from lead pipes,” Cassandra said worriedly.
” I know honey….yeah, Lois, this house does have a list…”
” You didn’t want to pay more than eighty…and this is the best I could find…”
” Yeah, yeah, ” I nodded.
Still, while it was an old neighborhood, there was something nice about it. I went out into the backyard, where Earl Bird’s song “Angel Eyes” was playing everywhere. The guy had chops, I had to admit. Plus, everyone on the block seemed genuinely nice. There were a couple of old duffers, with their junk wagon, riding by with their mule. I mean, how cool is that?
Ah well….no dice. No way Cassandra would go for this.
” I think we’d better try the next house on the list, Lois…..did you see Cassandra?”
” I think she went looking around for a shopping center…..”
Lois and I went looking around…no doubt Cassandra found something shiny and decided to case the place….for practice.
Then, from the house next door, I heard a voice ring out. ” Mister Man. Mister Man. You lookin’ for your wife? The kitty lady?”
She was an African American woman, heavy set, slighty weary. I didn’t bother to correct her. “My name’s Gertie. She’s in here with Mister Walt. I’m his in home caretaker.”
I thanked her, we shook hands, where she led me into the house…covered with pictures of kids, grandkids, great grandkids, and various friends and neighbors of Gasoline Alley. History at a glance.
Cassandra was seated on the sofa , quietly and sweetly reading a book to a smiling Walt Wallet, who, from the looks of things, had fallen madly and deeply in love with his reader.
” It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single man in possesion of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife….” She looked at me for a second, smiled, and put her finger to her lips, mouthing the words, ” Naptime”.
I nodded, and Gertie and I smiled at each other as Cassandra contined reading to Walt from Jane Austen.
” I think you’ve got a sale, Mrs. Flagston.” I said to Lois as she walked in from the back sidewalk.
Fin
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker:

All caught up! It’s actually kind of fun this way, even though it takes a bit of time. At least you get to see a (tiny) bit of progress in the strip!

So, anyhow, all I have to say about this one is that, although I know zip about paparazzi (not being a celebrity and all), I highly doubt that they would identify themselves with vanity license plates that advertise their “profession.” I mean, the whole point is to catch their prey unawares, is it not?

On to “Mary Worth” now!
gnome de blog
August 24th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

yyy315, buckyswife said:

280 gnome de blog: Even better (blue’s my color)—but there’s some internal dissent here among Cardinals: True Fable has you in red in his FAQs!

Sorry about the delayed response, but I’ve been away. It’s electric blue, after Queen Islamorada Girl’s legendary electric-blue bustier. Cardinal Fable is a wise and witty fellow and a true scholar, but he wasn’t there.
buckyswife
August 24th, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

MW: I believe that Mary is going to drink lemonade AND suck on some lemons from that bowl. I’m not sure how else she achieves that sour, pinched look as she feigns interest in Toby’s trip.

Clearly, she’s just waiting for the moment when Toby asks how she’s been, so she can breathlessly recount her latest Meddle Success, ending with, “And Delilah should be impregnated right… about…. NOW.”
Professor Fate
August 24th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

FW: Today’s strip made me queasy – like we were about to watch something very wrong like father daughter furry action.

Need to put brain in bleach now.
Dingo
August 24th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

Poteet, it’s not that I’ve been around much (waits for the guffaw) but in my tender adventures at lovemaking, I’ve often found certain things to be true:

1) the uglier, taller, and thinner the man (i.e., Lyle Lovett), the bigger, longer, and fatter the cock;
2) men who look like Ian Cameron are always the ones who can get a hardon in the middle of a Billy Graham crusade while surrounded by the surviving McGuire sisters drinking pink squirrels;
3) a man like Ian Cameron will be so grateful for human companionship, he’ll try er… harder. You could probably hop, skip, and jump after a Mel Gibson fuck. When Ian Cameron finished with you, confined bed rest and orange juice would be the recommendation for a week. The highlight would be the ability to fart Lady of Spain.

I cannot say that these are tried and true; they are simply generalizations based upon my scurrilous youthful indiscretions. Go out this week to a bar and test them. I dare you.
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

Jamus The Bartender:

Your post above reminded me that I did not thank you for welcoming me back from vacation. So, thanks! :)

And no, we did not run into the lovely Keane family. God forbid!

I never read “Family Circus,” (too sappy and sickeningly sweet for me) but I’ve gathered from your all’s posts that they’ve been camping, too. If we had by some bizarre coincidence encountered them, I’m sure we would have run the other direction as fast as possible!
buckyswife
August 24th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

113 gnome de blog: Gotcha! Arcane religious minutiae can be so hard to keep straight. The next time I wriggle into a bustier, I’ll be sure to make it blue, not red, so as not to offend my superiors in the hierarchy. =-)
Talking Squirrel
August 24th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

JetSetLA says: “Is it weird that my first reaction to the Cathy strip this morning was to assume that the syndicators made them add the word ‘clippers’ to clear up any ambiguity about it actually being a vibrator?”

Yeah, I think we should settle this ambiguity with a vote. All who think it’s actually a vibrator, please raise your hand.
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Lockhorns:

And that’s why Loretta (is that her name?) can’t afford a decent haircut or plastic surgery for that schnozz.
Jamus The Bartender
August 24th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

117. You bet, Katya. And, yeah, the camping trip was every bit as sickening as you might imagine. Superman has the Phantom Zone as punishment for his villains, Batman has Arkham Asylum, Wonder Woman has Reformation Island, and Family Circus has the annual summer camping trip.
Niall
August 24th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

89 Dingo is STILL less scary than Mr Pops Clown of Evil in Dick Tracy. (Dingo is funnier too – but rocks are funnier as well.)

Has Dingo met his match?
Dingo
August 24th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Jamus, Jamus, Jamus (said in my best Cary Grant voice), you don’t understand, my hirsute crumpet. The Keane family goes off into the woods camping every year so that Daddy Keane can live out his Josman fantasies. Thel is left with the kids while he goes out “for firewood.” She never learned the scent of Astroglide or santorum. If Daddy Keane had met those backwoodsmen instead of Ned Beatty, they’d be begging him to let them rest!
commodorejohn
August 24th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

#106 Talking Squirrel – Indeed! Just imagine how her tiny little Stepford brain would have been broken if there had been cows on the loose!
curlyfries
August 24th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

#116 Dingo: Heh, you obviously hung (and I use that term advisedly) out at some different bars that I did. A little disclaimer about #3, if you please, if only to save the more adventurous and dare-prone readers here some massive disillusionment over the coming week.

It’s been my observation that the reason men like Ian Cameron “try harder” is because the last time they got laid was in the Eisenhower administration and they know they won’t live long enough to have it ever happen again. Inexperience and panic-stricken enthusiasm are a bad combination – the professor-type will go around the world with you in every possible way, but it might not be a well-conducted tour. And no, I’m not referring to a lack of guides and souvenirs.

The reason you’d be confined to bed rest and complete immobility afterwards isn’t due to technique or cock size, it’s because broken ribs from ponderously obese Camerons trying for missionary generally produces a tension pneumothorax, hypoxia and collapsed lungs.
buckyswife
August 24th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

123 Dingo: I took Jamus to mean that the camping trip was punishment for us.

And Daddy Keane can get his backwoods jollies however he likes—and I’ll cheer him on if it’s non-melonhead-reproducing sexual activity!
tb4000
August 24th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Luann: Awwww, shit…here comes the fight of the century. Gunther vs. Elwood…vs. Quill? The brawl in the hall! The gore for the whore!
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail:

All caught up, and I’m sure there’s nothing I could add that all of you haven’t already said.

I do hope Homeland Security catches those terrorist squirrels, though.

Which leads me to another quibble, which may just indicate that I don’t understand this strip because I haven’t been reading it long enough. Why is Mark, who’s described as an outdoorsman and a photojournalist when I clicked on “About Mark Trail,” constantly getting involved with criminal situations and villainy?

So what in his background, other than his “fists o’ justice,” about which I learned here (thank you) qualifies him as a de facto detective/keeper of the peace, and so on?

Most importantly, why does everyone, including the police, various other authorities and…Homeland Security, seem to listen to him, take him so seriously and, basically, treat him as if he’s a bona fide crimefighter and one of their own?

I don’t get it, but hey, it is a comic strip, so maybe I shouldn’t have any expectations that it’d make some sort of real life sense.
commodorejohn
August 24th, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

#128 Katya – Because Mark Trail is not an ordinary human. He’s a force of nature.
jkaymartin
August 24th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

Ah, so Ian was singing Rodgers & Hammerstein, too. Apparently the “rare, other-worldly quality” of R&H is actually an invitation for alien sex. Usually the aliens go for the older women, because “they really know what they’re doing.” Mary Worth’s aliens, however, are more interested in the cute young things, so they don’t have to break any bad habits. And because Mary scares them.
Violet
August 24th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

A few minutes later the family is again puzzled when Hi lets out a mildly exasperated “Darnit!,” little realizing he’s lost in his favorite daydream about being only one number off from winning $750 in the lottery.
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

#129 – commodorejohn:

Thanks — now I understand. Mark stands alone, a law unto himself.
wills
August 24th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

And thus Hi’s descent into a schizophrenic dreamland filled with tantalizing impossibilities begins, aided by his habitual crystal meth usage.
Dingo
August 24th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

Katya (a name that makes me imagine you with smoky eyes and shoulders draped in the furs of ermine), I’m beginning to suspect that Mark is similar to Wallace Souza, the Brazilian television host now accused of murder and drug trafficking. How is it that Mark “just happens” to be in the right spot to see the would-be assassin? How is it that Mark finds the hook on the bottom of the boat? Things move as easily for him as the plot of a Rodgers & Hammerstein musical. Don’t accept his invitation to dinner. I’m betting he has a gun hidden in the toilet.
Jamus The Bartender
August 24th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

123. That actually makes a lot of sense, Dingo, thanks.
” Hirsute crumpet”. Yow. Cassandra says i’m sleeping on the fire escape tonight.
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

#134 — Dingo:

Wow, what a compliment. In reality, I’m a tall, slender, green-eyed brunette. And I would never wear ermine, or any real fur, for that matter.

Actually, here’s the story:

When my mother was in labor with me, she was reading a biography of Catherine the Great. So I was named “Catherine.” As a child, my mom often called me “Katya.” Hence my user name, although I usually go by “Catherine.” Just don’t call me “Cathy,” ever!

And yes, men have referred to me as “Catherine the Great.” I just lower my eyes in (false) modesty and demur sweetly.

(Don’t worry — I’m really not that arrogant and don’t take myself so seriously! Ha, ha!)
IdleDandy
August 24th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

It being Monday, I checked out the New Yorker Caption Contest. One of the choices of caption for the Gulliver-esque picture was submitted by… Dean Booth?

Soooo voted for that one!
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth:

Awww, a happy ending. Who can resist?

Now I can’t wait for the start of the next messed-up, dysfunctional, crazy storyline. It better be a good one; I can only take so much of Lawrence and Delilah’s gooey reunion…
buckyswife
August 24th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

137 IdleDandy: Thanks for the heads-up! And here’s the link:
http://contest.newyorker.com/CaptionContest.aspx?tab=vote&affiliate=ny-caption
queek
August 24th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

I love this blog. just love it.

*fails to stifle laughter*
zerowolf
August 24th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

H&L –Where can I get an EKG print out for my dining room wall?

MW: My favorite poolside party food, a pitcher of urine and a bowl of uncooked potatoes.
Jackuul
August 24th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

#102 What if Tom Batiuk did Garfield
Michael
August 24th, 2009 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

I think the bunnies are planning to make the leap from pet store chattel to anthropomorphic rabbits-about-town. Pet store owner is going to be busy with either a returned fish or an angry greaser ape; bunnies hop out of their box and follow Slylock and rat out the door. From there, why, there’s no end to what animal-persons can do! Though these two will be hanging with Weirdly and Cassandra within a week. Because look at them.

Good luck, li’l fellas!
gnome de blog
August 24th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

118 buckyswife: The College of Comix Curmudgeons has all the hierarchy of a herd of cats. Queen Isla leads by acclamation and by natural talent, although she does have exclusive province to the sacerdotal electric-blue bustier. Other vestments, while clearly electric blue, are just as clearly virtual, like the sacramental Bombay Sapphire (which may, in some chapters, be substituted for by Ketel One).

Feel free to wiggle into your bustier for your own purposes, without fear of excommunication. However, if like the Queen’s yours renders you impervious to platitudes, fists o’ justice and magmacannons we’d dearly love to know about it.
AeroSquid
August 24th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Curtis has a secret cell phone under his matress…..WITHOUT unlimited texting.
AeroSquid
August 24th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

BB: Hey look ! Beatle Bailey Colorforms ™ ! Thanx ! Oh…..these are just the ‘Killer’ and ‘Plato’ ones. I guess they were ‘out’ of Otto and Blinky….oh…whoever the fuck he is. Blippo, Beaker…Gizmo ? Jeez.
whirlygirl
August 24th, 2009 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

DT: Mr. Pops rallies on his deathbed to deliver one last lecture to Dick Tracy. Nice that he combed his hair for the occasion.
whirlygirl
August 24th, 2009 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

MW: I’m not sure how a medieval atmosphere, gothic architecture, and hard cobblestones promote romantic feelings, unless in comparison they made Ian seem positively young to wonk-eye Toby.
AeroSquid
August 24th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

M-I-C …..K-E-Y Funky Winkerbean !

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2432/3853522505_180d083302_o.jpg
curlyfries
August 24th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Aerosquid, can you imagine breakfast – or any other meal – in that house?

Les (with usual morose expression): Your mother used to chew like that.

Good times, huh? Pass the Pepto.
Vince M
August 24th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

DT – Ennui the Clown there IS the source of my troubles!
AeroSquid
August 24th, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

149. curlyfries: Mmmmmm. A big heapin’ bowl of Despair-O-Flakes !
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

# 116 Dingo & # 125 curlyfries — BWAHAHA! I’ll have to decline the dare, alas, not that it wouldn’t be fascinating research. But hmmm, maybe I owe Ian an apology(?)

Naw. Even if he’s A Night To Remember in bed, he’s still a thundering bore when clothed.

# 136 Katya — I had been sort of vaguely thinking of you as Katya from THE RUSSIA HOUSE. Not the movie version, but the novel, in which (as usual) LeCarre creates a mental image of an incredibly beautiful woman by evoking rather than describing. That’s what his novels do to me, anyway.
AeroSquid
August 24th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Today’s Garfield minus Garfield plus….TIME JUMP !

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3071/3853591329_f7517d242d_o.jpg
curlyfries
August 24th, 2009 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

#151 Aerosquid: Now With Rough Gravel Bran Chunks! Because it’s not Despair-O-Flakes® if it doesn’t grip your lower intestine like the tightly clenched ghostly fist of your late beloved, determined to cling to this world and murder all your pathetic dreams of any future happiness.
AeroSquid
August 24th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

154: curlyfries: HAHAHAH! Can’t top that….well maybe with little hard marshmallow hearts that break your teeth.
buckyswife
August 24th, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

144 gnome de blog: Hmmmm….Now you’ve gotten me thinking about all the possible “purposes” of a bustier….
curlyfries
August 24th, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

#156 Aerosquid: Any marshmallow hearts you might find in Despair-O-Flakes ® are broken in two – and calcified.

Really, could you expect anything else?
Muffaroo
August 24th, 2009 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

Amateur @26 – An audible sneer sounds like “nyaah.” The Platonic ideal of an audible sneer is delivered by Edward G. Robinson in a gangster role.

Steve S @33 – More likely the entire run of Hi and Lois will be the hallucination of an suburban alcoholic with the DTs, called Thirstysomething.

Sequitur @41 – Yes, if the item to be removed is small enough. No worries there.

Cranky @47 – I don’t know, but I hope that if they lift up the hat, under it will be Jerry Howard with a clothespin on his nose.
John C Fremont
August 24th, 2009 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

#89 Dingo – Paraphrasing Montgomery Burns, “Look at him strutting around like he’s cock of the walk. Well let me tell you, Ian Cameron is cock of nothing.”
True Fable
August 24th, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

#144 gnome de blog, & #157 buckyswife -Quite right; I stand corrected on the original Cardinalwear!

I myself have a Mighty Damn Red Chasuble that I wear in concert with a whiffy Oh Jeezus But That’s Red Mitre whenever I feels me a snark comin’ on. Electric Blue makes me downright pasty-looking and I won’t wear anything that even comes close to making me look the least bit Patterson-y.

I haven’t checked to see what others wear, but I suspect there may be a spate of tartan cassocks careening around the Rolly Church of Crete pretty soon.
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

#153 — Poteet:

Well, you got the “incredibly beautiful woman” part right…

Joking, everyone — just joking and having fun! Don’t take me seriously, please!

Although, come to think of it…

Ha, ha, ha!
Niall
August 24th, 2009 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

*blinks and stays silent at 153 and 157 lest he gets in trouble. Sometimes silent lurking is best…*
ZakR
August 24th, 2009 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Is it just me, or does that article on the stabbings in Scotland read like a journalism major’s project to recreate “A Clockwork Orange” in faux news-pieces?
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

#140 — queek:

I am so glad you were unable to stifle your laughter. After all, that’s the whole point of all this, n’est-ce pas?
queek
August 24th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Katya @ 165: very true. After such a concentrated dose of Dingo, Poteet, Jamus and other members of the More Clever Than Your Average Poster brigade, I was pretty much busting a gut laughing on the floor. These days, I need the lolz that this site provides.

Katya @ 136: tall, slender and green eyes?

*swoon*
Niall
August 24th, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

166. queek: she had me at tall and slender. :)
Comrade Denny
August 24th, 2009 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

#28 – MVG: Or, ” I went to Scotland and all I got was porked by a fat chinbeard and an alcohol-induced stroke.”

#120 – Katya: And that’s just the tip of the ice cube. You don’t want to know what kind of depraved sex-life those two must have going on behind the scenes that they should stay together all these years.

#129 – commodorejohn: If science could only find a way to harness the power Elrodium-126 without the toxic health effects such as the atrophying of the facial muscles, inhibition of the sex drive, preternatural strength, macrocephaly in children, and idiocy in everyone.

SlyFox: Just what would the ALF do with a animal-traitor like Slylock Fox? Clearly, he’s a sentient creature and cannot be harmed, but can he be allowed to be left free to oppress his own kind?
Islamorada Girl
August 24th, 2009 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

Buckyswife: Get a bustier! Anyone can! If I had to get a new one, I think it would be salmon pink. Maybe a nice tartan to celebrate the awfulness that is MW.
And remember, if you order your leather bustier today, you recieve the power to issue fatwahs on the comics that drive you batshit over the edge.
Judo Throw Toy
August 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

That’s some hand Toby is offering up in the second panel. It looks like it belongs in Picasso’s “Guernica”.
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

#166 — queek:

Agreed. I happened upon this site accidentally several months ago, and when I discovered the intelligence and wit to be found here, I just never left!

As I think I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really care all that much about the comics themselves; it’s the stuff that Josh and all the posters write that keep me in stitches and, to steal one recent poster’s word, I now need Comics Curmudgeon “rehab!”

On another note, and I hope this’ll be the last time, since it’s probably not too prudent of me, I also mentioned that I am a brunette. Even though I’m a California girl, I refuse to cave in to the whole blonde, blue-eyed, tan standard of beauty. Rather, I am a proud tall, slender, green-eyed, fair-skinned, brunette! So there!

God, I can’t believe I just wrote all that stuff! Never again! :)
Uncle Lumpy
August 24th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

#169 I-Girl –

By my reckoning, there are I-Girl fatwahs current on –

Gil Thorp
The Comic that Shall Not Be Named (pursuant to Josh’s own fatwah)

But!

Foob? — as I recall, you issued a fatwa contingent upon the union of Liz and Anthony, which since occurred. So: fatass + fathead = fatwa?

Funky Winkerbean? — last I checked, you had delegated fatwah authority over FW. How’d that work out?
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

#168:

Hey, Comrade Denny! How’s my genius doing?
Farley's Revenge
August 24th, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

MW: WTF is up with Toby’s face? Was “the trip to Scotland” really code for “went for a facelift by a barber in Tijuana”?

It’s a good thing Toby was absent from Charterstone while Delilah was there. The combined airhead quotient of the two would cause the entire complex to simply float off the face of the planet.

Luann: Oh look. Gunther and Elvis Jr. are outside the library where Luann is showing her new flame around. Cue “Yakety Sax” to play while the bloody hijinks ensue when G & EJr discover “their” girl stepping out on them! Fun for the whole family!
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

#77 — HighPlainsDrifter:

The absence of highfalutin dialogue in today’s “9 Chickweed Lane” can only be a positive, in my book!
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

#89 — Dingo:

I kid you not, but at first I read the last sentence of what Ian was saying to Toby in your story as,

“Time for me to stretch your walls.”

Oh, well. Same thing, I suppose.
Comrade Denny
August 24th, 2009 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

#173: I’m well. You?
Poteet
August 24th, 2009 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

# 166 — Thank you, kind queek. I’m glad I provide some laughs, because I certainly get loads of them from you and other Mudges. Plus this site is educational. “Lolz” is one of the many words I’ve learned here.

# 171 Katya — Katya in THE RUSSIA HOUSE had dark hair and dark eyes, and she was totally swoon-worthy.
Katya
August 24th, 2009 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

#177 — Comrade Denny:

Just mighty fine, thanks, now that the mother-in-law has returned home!
Bobdog
August 24th, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

When is Hi finally going to realize that s neighbor is actually the biological father of all the children in the Flagstone household?
Doug Puthoff
August 24th, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

8-24 Alt-FC caption–”Why doesn’t the Bible explain dinosaurs?”
Katya
August 25th, 2009 at 12:01 am [Reply]

#82 — Thomas B.:

I’m with you. Does Ms. Guisewite perhaps think that labeling a more or less unidentifiable object a cartoonist makes?

By that standard, why, I’m a cartoonist, too. I’ll just draw a square and label it “house,” a circle and label it “sun,” and so on. The woman is a genius and we’re all artists!
Soccerhead
August 25th, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

I couldn’t get over how Les wasn’t at Summer’s softball game, this the hit who’s faithfully at every practice during basketball season.
8/24 Cathy: You know how in A3G they use HAIR SPRAY brand hairspray and drink BEER brand beer?
Well in Cathy the hairdressers at SALON (kinda like GT going to PUB) wear high heels and use CLIPPERS brand clippers.
mvg
August 25th, 2009 at 8:24 am [Reply]

So many questions today…

FC: Why is Thel angry at Dolly? Since the tike has obviously just pre-emptively clobbered defenseless li’l PJ w/o provocation, Del ought to be HAPPY that her daughter is showing all the traits they’ve been trying to inculcate in their wee rightwing looney offspring.

MW: Toby & Chinbeard enjoyed the “slower pace of life” in the Outer Hebrides? Is there actually a place — other than perhaps the lowest depths of Pompeii — where life actually moves SLOWER than Charterstone/Santa Royale??

Mduke: The Iceland Creamery? Was Marmaduke hoping to scam himself a free bucket of lutefisk?

FW: Are we really supposed to believe it took Summer until NOW to ask her dad about the origins of the damn Goofy hat? (Yeah, I know, it’s called “writing,” Bathos. Try looking up “pacing” & “credibility.”)

JP: What the sam hill are they driving? It looks like a clown-car version of a Bentley. And if Rocky is indeed much more interested in “finding the paparazzi before they get away” than in reaching his injured wife, it’s easy to see why his little Hansel hasn’t been allowed in Godiva’s candy house in a long time.
DavidMac
August 25th, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

SLYLOCK FOX: Josh, Slylock’s human overlords did arm him: see the magnifying glass. Slylock merely has to lure the bad guy outside and have him stand very still (and hope it’s a sunny day).
queek
August 25th, 2009 at 9:28 am [Reply]

171: Not a blonde fan. Redheads yes, then brunettes. :-D

true story: a friend of mine in college had very changable eyes. When she was in an erotic mood, her eyes turned a bright emerald green. Then she got a set of tinted contacts that made her eyes the same color. This instantly became “so, are you wearing your contacts, or are you just happy to see me?” and the grounds for much hilarity.
Rob
August 25th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Irvin not caring about his hair isn’t the big unexpected change, his metrosexual butt reading the sports page is the big unexpected change.
Bud
August 25th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

“In addition to its Gothic charm, Scotland is also a very warm place. So warm in fact, that my face melted.”
Toff
August 25th, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

H&L: Gleeb’s interpretation was mine too. Hi was fantasizing about a vacation with his neighbor while nodding off at dinner at home.

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Scotland the stabbed

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